#tw: internalized fatphobia

[ben-man]

Text:

"you hate this photo, your mother kisses it when she goes to sleep, she kisses it like a rosary. she holds it like a prayer. she asks herself where you went. she tries to forgive herself for not knowing one day would be the last you smiled wide enough to scrunch your nose up. she forgives herself for not remembering it. you hate yourself. you hate the way the fat on your body rolls and undulates, you know the flesh on your bones in this picture must be an illusion, its unbefitting of g-d."

"your father asked you to do a second photo 'with a nice smile this time'. you want him to be happy, and smile when he sees you."

"when they bury you it is in a closed casket, they tell your mother what you have done. she can't hear them over the way you laughed in 1991. her baby is 5. 5 and still growing."

#light yagami #death note #death note fanart #my art #tw: fatphobia #tw fatphobia #tw internalized fatphobia #tw: internalized fatphobia #I like light yagami a lot #I wanted to draw a childhood photo of him #and write about his mom #and the way he smiled big and ugly as a kid #and him having a closed casket #im very normal about him #also for any confused goys wondering why g-d is censored #im very jewish #also he looks at himself when hes five and can only think about how imperfect and ugly he looks #when he was barely old enough to count and still climbed into his mothers bed when he had nightmares #anyway hope my abnormality about him is appreciated by someone #I was originally going to have the final text be 'my baby what have you done?' #I just think he had a lot of self worth issues as teen. I mean what teen doesnt but cmon. he looks like a supermodel and it just honestly #makes more sense if thats because he has some terrible issues and also hes light yagami #he cant be fucking normal about anything #its all the mask and the illusion #not to make the overdone patrick bateman comparison #but ya know

[twistmusings]

https://at.tumblr.com/twistmusings/hi-im-new-to-making-request-so-im-sorry-if-its/fkxir37dq71g can you do this request but with the second years?

The second years asking out a chubby!MC

CW: Internalized Fatphobia (Riddle, Azul), mentioned bullying (Riddle, Azul), unhealthy parental relationship (Riddle).

Note: Since there are simply so many second years, I'm going to split this up into two posts so that it's not a wall of text! Here is the continuation of this post! This post has Riddle, Ruggie, Azul, and Jade.

Riddle Rosehearts

Riddle's mother left him with a lot of things that he is trying to unlearn. She always calculated precisely how many calories he should eat during a meal and gave food a moral compass. He knows that it's unhealthy now that he's older, but forcing himself to stop isn't easy.

Thankfully, he has some really wonderful people who are helping to unlearn those biases-- one of them being MC, who had told him stories of their own about how being plus sized had made people make unpleasant comments to them about it and how it made them ugly. He finds it baffling, really, that someone would because he thinks they're objectively pretty beautiful, but he supposes some people just don't have any taste at all.

They start going on small 'lunch dates' of a sort (their words, not his) so that Riddle could take some steps to broaden his palette and not feel so guilty for wanting to try new things without having to worry about doing the math for everything that he puts in his mouth. He loves sweets, so recently they've been doing a little café tour to see if they can find some new sweets to try. (Perhaps he's spoiled, but he always ends up thinking Trey would be able to make the desserts ten times better.)

It's during these lunch dates that Riddle starts to realize just how deep his feelings run. He finds himself noticing the way that they smile and how they move their hands when they talk. Whenever they say something kind to him or mention how proud they are, Riddle feels himself swimming in affection for them.

He also finds himself watching their lips move-- and more than once he's caught himself wondering how they would taste, too. Maybe they would taste like the sweet dessert they just ate? Or the drink they ordered? Or would they just taste like themself? The thought worms it's way into his brain and takes root, and now it won't go away.

Riddle clears his throat, sitting his fork down on the edge of his plate as he watches them eat. They're watching the people go by outside the window, seemingly oblivious to him entirely. Normally he would be kicking himself for staring but they're simply captivating.

He doesn't even realize what he's done until they make a curious noise and look at him, head tipped to the side. Riddle wonders why they've turned to look at him when he feels their hand shift under his.

When he feels... their hand-- Wait.

Riddle wasn't sure when his hand had found theirs, but they didn't seem to mind, linking their fingers with his easily in spite of their curious look. Even that simple gesture makes Riddle's heart kick against his ribs, and he hopes he isn't starting to flush.

He can do this. He just needs to... recover.

"These... are dates, are they not?" he manages to settle on that, hoping that they don't realize his nerves. He watches their eyes widen a fraction, and he wonders if they're starting to blush too. They smile at him, fingers squeezing around his own.

"I was wondering how long it would take you to notice." They replied easily. Riddle blinks at them blankly for a moment, and then feels himself go red.

"I see. I... apologize that it took me so long to realize."

Ruggie Bucchi

Ruggie has always found them attractive. He's never really understood why other places were so strict on policing people's bodies-- Sunset Savanna highly valued strength regardless of size, so it never made sense to him. You really can't judge someone for how healthy or strong they are by their size. What really matters is whether or not they can fight, and he wasn't really in a rush to get his ass beat.

Initially, what makes him start to develop his crush on them is that they catch him picking dandelions. Given how it went when Rook caught him, he expects that they will make fun of him over it. He's used to it, honestly. He was raised in poverty, so he's done all sorts of things to help himself and his grandmother survive, and nothing anyone says to him is going to make him regret or feel ashamed of that.

So he was quite surprised when they found out what he was doing and instead elected to help him, crouching next to him. He asks them why they're helping, and they simply told him they wanted to help him.

It took Ruggie a long time to warm up to their caring nature. He's a suspicious person by nature, and his gut feeling is to distrust their motives, but they never ask for anything in return, and simply seem happy to help him out. Initially he just lets them help him out-- after all, he would be kind of a fool not to. They're not asking for anything in return so he sees it as entirely beneficial to just let them help and sort of sees them as being naive for it. They do know that he will just end up using them, right? That he's doing this to reap the rewards and to look out for himself first, right?

At least... he was when this whole situation first started. He's really not sure when that changed, but at some point it stopped being a matter of him taking advantage of them offering things and gradually changed into him starting to view them as a comrade.

He can see himself catching feelings-- knows it's happening as it happens and it really sort of frustrates him because he never expected to find himself in so deeply when he first met them. And it's frustrating to him that he is frustrated by it-- after all it was pretty normal to want to find someone you liked and get closer to them right? Well, for him it was extremely difficult because he was so used to just looking out for himself that now that there was another person he would like to look out for it felt contradictory to his entire creed. Yes, he might do work for his community back home, but that's different from looking at someone else and thinking that he wants to see them safe and happy above all else.

Ruggie watches them, sitting there swinging their feet and sipping on the drink he'd made for them while they were waiting on him to finish up his shift at his part-time job. He's drying the water off of dishware behind the counter as his co-workers are working on closing down the rest of the restaurant. They'd offered to walk him home.

Ever since they'd gotten here, though, Ruggie was finding it hard to focus. He shakes his head at himself, forcing himself to look away from them and feeling his face twinge pink at catching himself staring. This was nothing, new, though. They always seemed to capture his attention like this.

It doesn't take him much longer to finish up, and within fifteen minutes they're stepping outside into the evening air together. They're laughing and chatting about the latest fun fact they'd read on Magicam, and Ruggie listens if a bit distractedly. Instead, he glances up toward the sky, mulling over the recent developments he's been making about his life.

It's not a bad thing, really. Falling in love with someone. He would have thought that he would be more nervous about this than he is, but instead he finds himself relaxing whenever he's in their presence. He can let his guard down because he knows that they will have his back if he needs them to.

"Ruggie?" Their voice cuts through his train of thoughts, and he turns his gaze toward them in an instant. "Do you have something on your mind? You've been quiet."

Ruggie feels himself start to grin before he can help himself, and he reaches a hand over, ruffling their hair.

"Just thinking we should get plan something to do soon. Together, I mean." Ruggie says it with an easy smile. He might just be asking them out, he'll decide when he's a little more ready. And if not now, someday, he promises himself.

Azul Ashengrotto

Azul had never really expected to meet them person to person when he first saw them: he'd overheard some of their classmates making jokes at the expense of their weight and it had really rubbed him the wrong way. He's not normally the sort of person who would lay himself on the line for someone else, but hearing the things that were being said, he couldn't help but to be transported back to when he was in middle school and people kept poking fun at him for being a "chubby, slow octopus".

Azul's brand of justice has always been very slow and orchestrated-- so when those students end up trapped in one of his contracts it should seem to anyone to be an accident. It wasn't his style to interfere in other people's problems unless they sought him out directly, though, so that suited him just fine knowing that they would never be any the wiser that he'd intervened.

So imagine his surprise when they showed up, in person, to thank him directly. He was immediately impressed by how sharp they were, as they explained that since they had noticed him being the only other one to pay attention to the remarks that they figured he was the one who stepped in and that they were grateful.

...And because Azul loves to have his good deeds praised, he invited them to stay for a little while and have some tea with him. They ended up chatting for quite a while.

They would run into each other periodically after that-- pretty infrequently to begin with, but it would grow to be nearly daily that the two of them would talk. Azul was always impressed by them and the different ways that they were impressive in spite of not being able to use magic.

It takes a long, long time, but eventually Azul tells them a little bit about why he did choose to intervene. About how he was constantly teased for how his body when he was younger and how it has caused lasting body issues that he wouldn't wish on anyone else.

Azul wouldn't normally have any trouble trying to ask someone out, however for the two of them, they just sort of... happen to start dating. They aren't entirely positive when, though there was certainly one particular instance that sort of solidified it.

"I have a favor to ask." Azul sighs, swallowing thickly as they sit down across from him, cup of tea in hand. They've been giving him concerned looks all day today-- after all, it's unlike him to be nervous.

"Uh... sure, what's up?"

He taps his fingers on the wooden table in front of him as he ponders over the best way to broach this subject. It was... difficult.

"My mother..." He begins, and then stops again.

"...Your mom?"

"She would like me to bring some classmates who are friends home for her to meet..." Azul hums, pushing his glasses up on his nose. They give him a skeptical look, like he's surely over exaggerating. "I would like you to come with me."

"To meet your mom?"

"Yes... As I'm sure you're aware, Jade and Floyd will likely also go back with me to visit their family and seeing as you're already quite familiar with them, I figured it would be the best to ask you."

"Mmmhm. What's the real reason, Azul?" Azul winces. Ah, yes, sharp as ever...

"First, because I trust you not to embarrass me in front of my parents..."

"And?"

"And second, because you are already... aware of how my true form differs from this one. I dislike the idea of being seen in it but... my mother wouldn't have it any other way, and I know that you aren't likely to make untoward comments. And I trust that you are to remain silent... at a price of course."

"...Are you bribing me to not talk about what you look like when you're in your mer-form?"

He was, in fact, going to bribe them. They agree, and tell him that there's no need to bribe them. He prepares all of the things they will need to go under the sea. Given how well that they handle his transformation to his octopus form and how much his mother seems to like them, coupled with the feelings that Azul was already beginning to harbor, they end up... simply dating. There isn't really a point where either of them asked the other out-- one day Azul simply asked what the two of them were, and they mutually agreed that they would like to be together.

Jade Leech

Jade has found them attractive since he first laid eyes on them, though he's not the sort of person who goes out of his way to flirt with someone he's just met. He's not so bold as that even if he is bold in a lot of other ways. Their first few interactions are similar to a lot of people's first impressions of Jade. He seems quiet and polite, and slowly they start to realize that he might just be more unhinged that Azul and Floyd.

He prefers to think of it as a quiet chaos, thank you very much. And he is very refreshed to see that they are surprisingly receptive to it. It's not often he can find someone who matches his wavelength in that way.

Unlike Azul, he's not the kind of person who has to stop and think over every eventuality to pursue something he wants. Once he realizes that he does have an interest in dating them, he's going to start flirting with them. If they seem interested in reciprocating his advances, he'll get a little more serious with his flirting and will eventually ask him out. He's surprisingly straightforward when it comes to matters of romance.

"You have something on your face." Jade hums. They look over at him-- they hadn't heard him, it seems. Jade merely smiles, wrapping his napkin around his fingertips and dabbing away the smear of sauce from the side of their mouth.

"Gross." Floyd chirps from where he sits, slumped forward onto the table. Jade quirks an eyebrow, glancing at his sibling across the table, though Floyd merely scrunches his face in distaste at them. "You two act all couple-y."

"Because he helped me wipe my face off?" They snort, shaking their head at Floyd. Jade knows that Floyd is wing manning, in his own way, but he's about as subtle as a steam engine. This isn't even the first time he's mentioned something about the two of them acting like a couple today. "So romantic. I'm swooning." The dead pan, and Jade can't help but to grin a little as they do. It's simply charming how comfortable they are around Floyd, despite the way he bears his teeth.

"Gross." Floyd repeats, further grimacing.

"Perhaps, if the opportunity presents itself." Jade hums, unguarded and entirely honest. They look at him, surprised and visibly unsure how to take that. He can't help the way that his grin widens to show the sharp points of his teeth, and he gently brushes his gloved knuckles along their jawline. "Isn't that right, dearest?"

Floyd groans, displeased at Jade doubling down. They also roll their eyes, seeming to share his sentiment despite the flush rising to their cheeks.

"You... are the worst."

#answered;; #twst #twisted wonderland #riddle rosehearts #ruggie bucchi #azul ashengrotto #jade leech #the others will be in another post because holy shit the editor hates this post #I always forget how many second years there are until I have to write for them #So the next post out will be the continuation! Sorry I had to split it up! #tw: internalized fatphobia

[cumulohimbus]

Well, my plans to try to get buff this summer are already looking grim. I walked around slightly more than usual today and when I got home from work I was back at the point of "feels like I'm about to shit out my spine" again. *sigh*

Asked my doctor about meds that could help me lose weight because I can't exercise anymore without heightened discomfort and loooong recovery periods. Waiting now to hear if my insurance will approve it (not likely because I'm only on the cusp of prediabetes and not fully diabetic yet, ahah...) otherwise the med can cost somewhere in the hundreds to over a thousand a month. -.-'

Even exercises I was given in physical therapy for my back can be problematic. Things that rely on putting weight on my wrists can be painful due to past wrist injuries, lack of flexibility, and my current weight. Things that involve raising and lowering my legs (particularly my right leg which is the side my arthropathy is worse on) cause a jarring and uncomfortable clicking in my lower back/hip. Cardio is almost impossible due to both my spine and asthma.

Sure, I'll admit it. There's still a part of my brain screaming at me to get thin because I think I'll be more attractive that way and I desperately want to be loved. But I know that voice is wrong and illogical. Thinness isn't what makes someone pretty, and it doesn't work well with my body type anyways; I'm not built for it. I'm a squat little tank designed for putting on muscle and surviving harsh winters. Twinkdom is unachievable for me despite being something I have always wanted.

More than anything though, I just don't want to lose any more of my autonomy. My weight compounds my spinal issues which in turn limits my mobility, and therein makes it much harder to exercise (as well as do other activities that I enjoy). Physical therapy will just boot me out once I reach the point of lessened pain again, and I can't afford a personal trainer.

Any advice is appreciated. I know swimming would be awesome (as well as something I love doing), but a pool is unfortunately inaccessible to me at this time. I could look into nearby lakes and see how safe they are this summer though. That said, I am particularly interested in hearing ideas on how to make exercise mentally stimulating enough that I am willing to experience more physical pain in order to actually do it. Currently it's not entertaining enough for me to hurt myself staying active lol

#tw: internalized fatphobia #and probably internalized ableism if im being honest #my apologies #it's just that i hate my body in particular

[fatphobiabusters]

This post is to remember the singer Cass Elliot who tragically died due to fatphobia. To put it simply, an entire life of cruelty about Cass Elliot's fatness caused her to resort to starvation diets, substance misuse, and what very well could have been an eating disorder. She attempted to survive the fatphobia by playing the fatphobic, stereotypical role of the "funny fat person." Not even in death was she allowed to escape fatphobia, as her tragic death was used as a fat joke by spreading a rumor that she had died by "gluttony." More specifically: choking on a sandwich. Despite that not being true, people continue to believe that debunked myth today. If not for this fatphobic society, Cass Elliot, an incredibly talented singer, would not have died at age 32, involuntarily leaving her only daughter parentless, and likely would have still been alive today.

If you're not sure who Cass Elliot was, this is one of her most iconic songs with her former band:

And here is a solo performance by her. Some people might recognize this song since it was apparently used for a TikTok trend:

For more details about the horrendous fatphobia she endured her entire 32 years, here is a video and two articles that explain. A trigger warning for the second article since it uses the slur "ob*se" and "overweight."

In memory of her, please do not call her "Mama Cass." She hated that nickname because it was used specifically due to fatphobic stereotypes.

If anyone needed an example of how deadly fatphobia has been for centuries, I hope you'll think of Cass Elliot, one of the plethora of people who have been killed by fat people's systemic oppression and still faces oppression to this day while 6 feet under.

-Mod Worthy

#fatphobia #internalized fatphobia #Cass Elliot #The Mamas and The Papas #fat liberation #tw eating disorders #ED mention #Mod Worthy #o word

[lylahammar]

man I wish people would quit saying shit like this on my fat positive posts like literally just read the room and get help and keep your shit off my doorstep because that is the opposite of the point I'm making here

#I'm not entirely sure what to tag this with but I'll try my best #tw diet culture #tw weight loss #tw fatphobia #<- internalized at least #tw ed #I blocked this person instantly upon seeing that comment in my notifs so idk if this applies to them #but I get a weird amount of pro ana freaks interacting with my fat positive/fat liberation posts and it's sickening #at least they make it easy for me to block them lmfao #lyla's talking again

[suspiciouslackofclowns]

Billy tries to be as quiet and inconspicuous as possible when he enters the living room, easing down into a seat on the sofa with a plate packed full of finger food in his hands.

He's been steadily picking at the spread in the kitchen all afternoon — he isn't even really hungry anymore, but it's at least something to keep him occupied. He tries not to think about how he's eating out of boredom as he pops a mini quiche in his mouth.

As if having a sixth sense, Eddie turns around in his seat on the floor. Spreads a smile and crawls toward the sofa, leaning his elbows in Billy’s lap as he gazes up at him like he’s some ethereal being.

“Hey, blondie,” he lilts. “Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.”

Billy snorts.

“Aren’t you supposed to be playing your game?”

“We’re having an intermission,” Eddie huffs. Leans further into Billy’s lap and wraps his arms around his waist. “Besides, I miss you.”

“Miss me? Munson, we sleep in the same bed every night.”

“And?”

“And you’re a fuckin’ dork,” Billy chuckles.

Eddie pouts. Hides his face in the front of Billy’s hoodie, and the blond has to fight every urge he has to suck his stomach in, lest Eddie pout even harder.

It’s taken some getting used to, the changes in his body. Especially after he quit smoking.

Had he known he would develop a permanent case of the munchies, he might’ve just stayed his course. Maybe he’d still have abs.

Maybe he’d still feel sexy.

Regardless, here Eddie is, smushing his face into his stomach like he’s a pillow. Billy takes a bite out of a chocolate-covered strawberry and sets his plate on the brunet’s back. Eddie doesn’t seem to notice.

“Yeah, well, you’re gorgeous,” Eddie says like it’s an insult. “And smart, and sweet, and funny, and—“

“Jesus, I get it, you like me. You can stop now.”

Eddie shakes his head. Presses a kiss to Billy’s stomach, which has the blond’s face blossoming red, and rubs up and down at his sides.

“I adore you. Wanna snuggle with you all day everyday and never do anything else.”

“Not even play D&D?”

“Nope.”

From behind him, Grant and Jeff both scoff, and Billy spreads a smile. Cards his hand through Eddie’s hair.

“I don’t think the guys like that idea.”

“Tough shit. How am I expected to function when you come in here looking all pretty ‘n stuff?”

Billy chuckles. Eddie grins at the sound.

“I’m wearing pajamas,” Billy points out. “And my hair’s not even done.”

“I know,” Eddie sighs dreamily.

“Mm, well, if you’re cuddling me all the time, when does my other boyfriend get a chance? Doesn’t sound very fair to me.”

“I don’t see this other boyfriend that you speak of. Plus, I’m calling dibs for the rest of time, so he’s outta luck.”

“You’re telling me you’re never gonna cuddle with Stevie again? Just me, forever?”

Eddie ponders the question for a long moment, and Billy chuckles again.

“Damn,” he muses. “You really do like me that much, huh?”

“I do,” Eddie admits. “I would miss being Stevie’s little spoon, though.”

Gareth snorts, clapping his hand on the coffee table.

“Wait, you’re the little spoon? Big bad Munson is Steve Harrington’s little spoon,” he cackles. “That’s the best fucking thing I’ve ever heard.”

Billy grabs his plate again just in time for Eddie to sit up and swivel around enough to cast a glare at his friend. It makes Gareth laugh even harder.

“Dude, you’ve literally heard me call him my princess and shit before, but you’re choosing to make fun of me over this?”

“I always thought that was you poking fun at his masculinity or something.”

Eddie shakes his head and clicks his tongue.

“Stevie is my pretty princess,” he lilts. Glances up at Billy and chews his lip. “And Billy bear is my little babycakes. He’s the baby, actually.”

Billy’s face flushes red all the way down his neck.

“I am not,” he huffs.

“Yes huh, you’re baby girl, baby doll— you love that shit. We wouldn’t say any of it if you didn’t.”

There’s a polite chuckle from around the room and Billy scoffs.

Eddie notably softens. He rubs at Billy’s thighs, leaning forward to press another kiss to his stomach and humming pleasantly when his lips make contact.

“The nicknames just mean that we love you,” he coos.

“Guess I just think you both have weird taste,” Billy murmurs, then huffs a laugh to himself. “If I nicknamed myself, it’d probably be something like lardass.”

Eddie makes a shocked noise of offense and furrows his brows.

“Hey, no one talks about my boyfriend like that.”

“No? What’re you gonna do about it?”

“I’m gonna tell on you.” Billy’s smirk falters and Eddie hums triumphantly. “I’m gonna tell Steve. He’ll baby you about it and pull out some old family recipe he’s got locked away just to make you eat your words.”

Billy presses his lips together. Thinks about the last time he made a self-deprecating comment in front of Steve. Thinks about how it was definitely a handful of pounds ago.

“I’d rather you didn’t.”

He pushes his fingers into Eddie’s hair. The brunet leans into his touch, but spreads this sickening little grin. All teeth and no remorse.

“Then I guess you better take it back,” he lilts. Billy locks his jaw shut. Eddie clicks his tongue and pokes teasingly at his side. “There’s no downside for me, I like a little extra fluff. Nobody likes thin pancakes.”

“Pancakes?”

“Mhmm,” Eddie hums. “You’re like a stack of ‘em.”

Billy quirks a brow.

“How so?”

“I fuckin’ love pancakes.” Eddie flattens his palm against Billy’s side and rubs gently back and forth. “Plus, y’know, they’re soft and warm. Pillow-like.”

A little smile quirks at the corners of Billy’s mouth. Some part of him wants to take offense, but he can’t. Not when big brown eyes are gazing up at him so fondly. He scratches softly at Eddie’s scalp and has him all but purring, eyes slipping shut as he melts under the touch.

“You’ve never had crêpes?” Billy asks.

Eddie’s eyes crack open.

“What?”

“Crêpes,” Billy repeats. Chuckles when Eddie looks at him like he’s growing a second head. “Thin pancakes? They’re Stevie’s favorite, I’m surprised you didn’t notice. He always orders them when we go to the diner downtown.”

Eddie sits up straighter. Thinks hard for a moment, like his whole world is crashing down.

“Is that what those things are?”

“What did you think they were?”

“I dunno— not pancakes.” Eddie pouts when he’s laughed at, but still fixes Billy with a serious look. “Brushing past the fact that you just ruined my whole analogy, I maintain that you’re perfect just the way you are.” That little grin comes back full-fledged in a matter of seconds. “Besides, crêpes always have filling, don’t they?”

It’s Billy’s turn to pout while Eddie snickers at him.

“Whatever. Just don’t tell Steve.”

“Why, you scared he’s gonna put pounds on you?” Eddie pinches his side and earns a huff. “You still haven’t taken back what you said.”

“‘Cause I don’t want to. Don’t see why you’re so hung up on it.”

This time, Eddie looks… disappointed. It hurts Billy deep in his chest, like he swallowed a shard of tortilla chip that refuses to go down smoothly.

“If someone was talking shit about Steve right in front of you, what would you do?” Eddie asks.

“I’d rock their shit.”

“Why?”

Billy shrugs.

“I dunno, it’d piss me off.”

“And why’s that?”

“Because it’s Steve,” Billy huffs. “I don’t— I don’t like the idea of anyone talking shit about him. That’s my boyfriend.”

Eddie nods. Tilts his head to the side and slowly begins to rub up and down at Billy’s waist, similar to how he had been earlier.

“Then why is this any different? I still get to be upset when I hear someone talking shit about you, even if it’s you who’s doing the shit-talking.”

Billy’s mouth opens, but then promptly closes again. Is this the same guy who was comparing him to pancakes a minute ago?

A moment passes. Then another. Eddie just stares up at him expectantly, and Billy says nothing. It’s a stand-off. A battle of will. Billy’s fixing to cave when the front door opens and the tension is suddenly broken, yet somehow doubles at the same time.

“Intermission?” Steve asks.

He hangs his keys up and shrugs out of his coat once the door is shut behind him, already wearing an easy smile.

“Unofficially,” Gareth grumbles.

Eddie shoots him a glare, but is quick to soften when Steve leans over the back of the sofa and drapes his arms around Billy’s shoulders.

“Hey, baby,” Steve greets. Ignores the knowing giggle from around the room in favor of pressing a kiss into Billy’s curls. “Thought you’d still be asleep when I got back.”

More kisses land in his hair as Billy purses his lips.

“It’s almost six.”

“Mhmm,” Steve hums.

In an instant, Eddie gets this look on his face, and Billy’s stomach drops. He opens his mouth, but Steve is too quick.

“Have you just been eating junk?” He asks, gesturing to Billy’s plate.

The blond glances at his little collection of nibbled-at finger food. Tries not to think about how many plates of it he’s had already.

“Yeah, just… snacking,” he says timidly.

Steve tsks. Billy almost flinches at the sound.

“Well, that won’t do.” Steve nabs the plate from Billy’s hand and pops a cube of cheddar in his mouth. “Tell me what you want, bubs, and I’ll make it.”

Billy feels like he’s on fire.

“Lasagna?”

A sheepish smile finds its way onto his face when his chin is tilted up, and Steve plants a kiss directly on his lips.

“Coming right up.”

Then the brunet vanishes from behind the couch, padding into the kitchen to root around for a casserole dish before he’s even taken his shoes off.

On the floor, Eddie bites back on a giggle.

“I didn’t even have to tell him,” he whispers amusedly. Leans completely into Billy’s lap and hugs his torso again, half smothering himself in Billy’s stomach. “Hope you’re hungry, Bill, ‘cause it’s pancake time.”

For emphasis, he gives Billy’s side a squeeze, which has him huffing irritatedly.

“No, we’re having lasagna,” Steve calls. There’s a clatter as he moves about the kitchen. “We can have pancakes tomorrow night.”

Eddie gives in to the giggles, shoulders shaking as he hides his face in the front of Billy’s hoodie.

Finally accepting defeat, Billy sighs. Cards his fingers through Eddie’s hair while he laughs, trying to find it in himself to be upset about what’s to come.

But his mouth is already watering before the oven is even done preheating.

#harringroveson #billy hargrove #steve harrington #eddie munson #background corroded coffin guys #chubby billy hargrove #fluff #tw weight #tw insecurity #body image #internalized fatphobia #Billy is so Garfield coded #hey look at that Steve is actually IN a harringroveson fic of mine #weird right? #ficlet #my wriitng #mostly unedited #soon to be on ao3 when I have time

[narcpocalypse]

Idk if this is a thing for anyone else but does anyone also have this insanely different image of themselves in their head to motivate you to be sexier only to also have the executive dysfunction to kill those dreams? Bc. ME! Internalized fatphobia moment when I visualize myself as this skinny hunk who's charisma is oozing out of my abs. No I'm just a Pillsbury dough boy. I'm like "yeah I'm gonna look like this one day" no u won't ur built like a circle (/pos) and don't need to conform to beauty standards. Reminder u can be unconventionally attractive and hot!

#i will never truly believe this ab myself but a man can try #narcissistic personality disorder #narcposting #npd #actually narcissistic #actually npd #actually cluster b #npd safe #cluster b #cluster b safe #narc #fat #tw internalized fatphobia

[audino]

i’ve been trying to drill into my partner’s head that fat isn’t a bad word like. i call myself fat and he gets annoyed like “nooo i think you’re beautiful”

bitch i’m 5’7 and 200lbs i’m FAT AND BEAUTIFUL

#these words can and will exist together mmmkay <33 #my partner was fat for most of his childhood he still struggles with internalized fatphobia from how hard he was bullied :( #weight ment #body image tw #bun txt

[ben-man]

Please tell me more about fat Light. I’m so curious

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW EXCITED I AM TO TALK ABOUT THIS I am quite literally physically vibrating. I grew up fat and remain fat so please for the love of fuck nobody be rude about me being just unfiltered about this.

Light Yagami is so obsessed with his exterior shell. His like beautiful ornate carapace. His mask. He's obsessed with his image, and a huge reason for this is his fathers position in society and being the perfect son to make his family proud and the fact that he is empty. There is a certain type of childhood where you grow up with a pit in your gut and anger in your heart and no reasonable place to put it or explanation for why you feel that way.

He is a young boy given the power to kill people, and an unnatural boredom borne of his privilege, nature, and power. He's unchallenged by school, he finds no connection in those around him, the distance between him and his family may as well be a chasm. There is no 'real' Light Yagami you will find under that flesh he cloaks himself in (because he doesn't even know who he is himself, he never got the opportunity to.)

I write this fairly often but I hate the characterization where Light is written as if Light and Kira are two different people. Kira is a young boys realization that if he acts sweet and remorseful enough he can get away with breaking other kids toys. It's the fucking feeling in the air when someone's position gives them the power to do whatever bloody cruel thing they want. Kira is a round-faced boy with a terrible weapon to kill. Many people forget that when Light first killed someone (in the manga) he basically cowered under his bedsheets for an entire night. He is bored, and he is empty, and to him excitement and feeling comes when he is so nervous he feels bile in his mouth.

In my mind he grows up fat, he's a pudgy fucking kid. And you know when you're young and fat and you are meant to be fingerpainting you crawl up that step stool and look in the mirror wondering why your soft, fat, unmanageable body doesn't look good enough.

And when you become an adult, for some the doorway to changing your body opens. It can fucking eat you whole man! And I write Light Yagami with these issues and interpret him as having a fuck ton of internalized fatphobia and body image issues, and now he's thin, unhealthily so. I usually write him struggling with eating.

When I do write him having the happy ending he doesn't deserve, I write him gaining weight as a good thing, and that means a lot to me! Internalized fatphobia makes you bitter and cruel not just to yourself but to others. He gets a very prominent double chin and gets larger gradually as he ages I think.

Also my friend @kattidiot wrote a BEAUTIFUL (unpublished) Light Yagami drabble about him being a child and crushing ants and his mother teaching him to bake so he directs that energy not toward covering his fingers in bug guts and he's looking back on that childhood and describes his fat little boy hands and how he doesn't want to add too much butter or sugar and so it always comes out wrong and his cruel perspective on his own baby-faced self is like so well written its like electric.

Anyway yeah diversity win the deranged mass murderer is fat.

#light yagami #death note #tw internalized fatphobia #tw: internalized fatphobia #tw: ed mention #tw ed mention #tw: fatphobia #tw fatphobia #for everyone who has it blocked #anyway THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS ASK made me sohappy to talk about #also everyone follow katt :3 #I am so very very normal about Light Yagami #I relate to him which is a curse and probably a very bad sign #anyway one very important thing that was written by me and katt together #was the idea that his mother taught him to bake coffee cake #because he wanted to be like his dad #and drink coffee #and he doesnt remember what his favorite food is as a teen/young adult and couldnt tell you if you asked #but its coffee cake #I write about him and his mom a lot #his feet arent short enough to swing through the air as he kicks his feet from atop a kitchen stool watching her cook anymore #and he's a man now #and men arent supposed to bake with their mothers #and shes ugly now because shes graying and dyes her hair and he cannot be normal about women #he has to pity her because thats what old married mothers are for #even though he is much more pitiable. ya know. #I am the worlds most normal person about light fucking yagami #hope my insanity is appreciated by someone #thank you anon

[valravn72]

THANK YOU for putting it into words I’m tired of people dogpiling on neurodivergent creators for being neurodivergent in ways other people don’t relate to . Kindly bringing up ideas or critiques is not making entire accounts and encouraging opinions to be turned into something kittycorn did wrong

YES THANK YOU. You are actually way better at wording than I am haha.

It kind of reminds me of those people who used to be overweight who take it upon themselves to shame fat people online in order to “help them” or something by exposing them to what people in the real world think of them. It’s this whole thing of well aren’t you lucky that someone who understands you is putting you down. If it wasn’t me right now it would be a bigot so I’m helping.

Questioning kit’s requests for people to respect their boundaries with their self inserts because “they can’t actually expect people to do that, it’s the internet,” getting mad at them for reacting negatively to criticism when they should expect that much and worse when within a public space, calling them unreasonable for expecting people to take their trauma into account, plus the whole thing about the trigger warnings and emetophobia and how people shouldn’t be that sensitive in response to cartoons, it all revolves around this urge for “tough love” which really just feels like internalized ableism to me.

I’m aware they aren’t all like that and most of them have some actual legitimate concerns about the comic, but the philosophy behind what they’re doing is fundamentally gross.

I probably shouldn’t have gotten myself in this situation to begin with tbh but I just saw this stuff and I was thinking about so many different things it reminds me of and how weird it is that things like this keep happening and I just really wanted to say something.

Also imagine being mad that there are not enough unisexual binary gendered men in a character lineup lmao

#sparklecare #trying to use thise paragraphs breaks I’ve heard so much about #sorry this one is a long one #tw fatphobia #tw fat shaming #fatphobia mention #tw ableism #tw internalized ableism

[system-processing-12]

Being body positive with an ED is so weird cuz like brain is like every single other person man, woman, or other is amazing no matter size all very pretty then you look down and- oh no a stretch mark! A chubby belly! Must be ugly!

Make it make sense smh.

#tw eating disorder #body positivity #internalized fatphobia #tw fatphobia #yayyy... #vent #mental illness

[autismvampyre]

sorry imma vent abt my ed recovery so tw and all that

i was anorexic/bulimic for about a year when i was 14/15. i recovered on my own without therapy or relly any kind of support and somehow got better. im actually quite good with intuitive eating now and i wanna start working out cause i wanna be strong but i haven't found the time nor courage to do so but thats besides the point. im recovered, for the most part

anyway, important context is that im fat. i've always been "bigger than other kids", and i've always been insecure about it but held the belief that one day i'd get skinny and thus conventionally attractive and then my life would be good because fatphobia. i developed an eating disorder due to many factors including some shit w/ my abusers bc it was the same time i was beginning to actually leave and escape which is a whole mess i can't get into now. anyway a main reason is my mom used to be super fucking skinny and was always kinda fatphobic towards me and body shmed me a lot. combine that witch puberty and an investigation into my dad nd stepmoms treatment of me by social services and you got the perfect breeding ground for an ed

im 18 now, i've been ed free since 2021 and i feel good. however i've noticed my perception of myself is warped. dont wanna get into numbers too much, but im currently about 30-40kg heavier than i was when i was the sickest which is bigger than i've ever been and i've noticed i feel ugly. i used to bodycheck constantly but the last 3 years its been a struggle to take a selfie and its because of my size. i did a play the other day and im watching the filming of the performance and just seeing how big i look makes me feel fucking gross. it made me realized im not recovered, bc i still hate my body and how it looks which isn't good for me.

i've realised im still fatphobic. i think fat people are beautiful but i can't accept my own fatness and it's a problem

i'm fat. i've been scared to say that my whole life bc my stepmother is fat and i was always so much smaller than her but i haven't seen her since i started recovering. i'm fat. and i don't feel beautiful and it's a problem bc i know that i am. i guess it's just hard to adjust to seeing myself as both big and beautiful, and im not there yet but i really want to be. admitting that im fat is a big part of it i think. i'm tired of saying "big" or "curvy" or "thick" im just fucking fat and thats fine. i'm fat. i can be beautiful - i will learn to be fat and still feel beautiful not in spite of it but because

#nydias post #nydia vents #ed recovery #fat positive #body postivity #fat is not a bad word #fat positvity #tw ed implied #vent post #tw vent #this is just stream of consciousness but i had to get this off my chest bc ive been dealing w my internalized fatphobia for so long #im fat and im fucking pretty. im fat and im worthy of love. fuck anyone who says any differently

[fatphobiabusters]

I explained to a fatphobe today the documented fact that has been known for decades of how there is no scientifically-proven way to lose weight long-term and that dieting doesn't work. His response was to tell me that I need to try for "longer than a week."

I did. I tried for years, probably longer than he ever managed to keep a single friend around to listen to his assholery. The only time I ever had any "success" had also been due to me dieting for longer than a week. Two weeks to be exact. Where I lost 20 pounds.

That's over 9 kilograms, if you measure weight that way.

I lost the same amount of weight as a watermelon. A car tire. A lawn mower. An office chair. The weight of an entire patio table.

In two weeks.

If you want more numbers, that was 2 and a half hours of exercising on exercise equipment at levels dangerous for my body. Every day.

14 days of a self-imposed famine. A salad here or there when I couldn't take the pain in my stomach anymore. And then, of course, going right back to starving.

My mom who had helped teach me to hate my body for not being the width of a pencil had even managed to notice how much weight I lost and how fast. She forcibly weighed me, not that weighing me accomplished anything. She didn't know my previous weight.

I saw my childhood friend for the first time in quite a while after losing the weight of two newborn babies in half a month. The first thing I asked her is if she noticed I was thinner. I had always compared myself to her growing up. She was naturally thin, needed no effort at all to stay barely thicker than her bones. She would only eat a few bites of food, slowly, and only if it was to her taste. For many years as a kid, she was the single person I knew who ate baloney, let alone as one of the handful of foods she was willing to consume. I grew up thinking thin people ate nothing more than a bowl of steamed broccoli for dinner because nothing I did ever made me as small as her.

When she told me she noticed, I smiled. I was proud that I had so severely abused my body, that I had lost an extremely alarming amount of weight in such a short amount of time.

The only time. The one instance I had ever managed to lose a noticeable amount of my body. My fat genetics and PCOS don't really help in that regard.

I'm now nearly double the weight I had starved to as a teenager. My story follows the research studies to a T.

By the end of high school, I had already gained back the whole 20 pounds. And after high school, I gained that "and then some" so many people experience. 95% of people who try to lose weight end up gaining the weight back within 3-5 years, most becoming bigger than the weight they started with. I didn't "willpower enough" into that 5% success rate. Abusing my body those two weeks so I could be an entire shopping cart lighter and then obsessing about my weight throughout my high school years wasn't enough "willpower" it seems.

I gained more weight afterwards due to medicine, mental disability, untreated PCOS, a pandemic, more attempts at starvation, being bedridden in a tent for two years, and my body, like many bodies, wanting to grow into those fat genetics of mine now that I was no longer a teenager.

I did, in fact, try longer than a week. Now it's time to reciprocate and try treating fat people like human beings for a mere seven days. Here's an app for you to log all of the fat people you didn't tell to die, and make sure you use all your willpower. I have a neighbor whose sister's boss managed to not tell fat people to die for two whole years! They're still refraining from doing so today. All her boss needed to do was stop drinking sodas and have the willpower to succeed.

Have you tried that?

-Mod Worthy

#fatphobia #internalized fatphobia #diet culture #tw eating disorders #ED mention #Mod Worthy

[lexcat-11]

it’s a late night rambling about life stuff night. tumblrs basically an echo chamber for me so I don’t mind lol.

content warning for discussion of fatphobia & what could be considered disordered eating. stay safe if this does reach anyone at all <3

it’s crazy to me how I, fortunately, was able to grow up with very little internalized homophobia and to have had such positive representation and acceptance primarily on the internet but also irl. I consider myself a very rebellious person who won’t let anyone invalidate me when it comes to stuff like that. I love being a lesbian, I’m not ashamed to be asexual. That’s me and I know I’m valid. I love who I am in that regard.

But god damn on the opposite side of things internalized fatphobia has not nearly been as easy for me. I guess I gained exposure to it so young and so directly it makes sense but it’s everywhereee. Weight loss ads on the tv, not finding clothing sizes in stores or their patterns being carelessly made so they don’t fit, seats in theaters not fitting my legs, the lack of representation, the hatred and immediate association with “ugliness” or “failure” from so many close minded and unkind people, direct bullying even like a month ago.

like when I was in *preschool* I remember daydreaming about the stuff a stereotypical little girl does— princesses, magic, all that, and at five years old, in my own imagination, I’d stop and tell myself “I don’t look like me. I look like another girl who’s prettier because she’s not fat.” FIVE YEARS OLD

I just have so much grief for that little girl and just everyone who might have ever had to go through it. Bodies are treated like trends and so oversexualized and some people would rather wish for someone to harm themself than be unable to sexualize a thin body. And at five years old I didn’t believe I could be pretty unless I lost weight.

Caring so much about it is against my values. I don’t care what society says about my sexuality or interests! But I do care about this. And it sucksssss because why should it matter? What if my healthiest self is the heaviest? What if I don’t work out anymore because it became a form of self-punishment? Why should anyone get to comment on my health??? Why is my body any of your business??? It’s so disgusting not to even mention all of the overlaps with ableism, the impacts it has on the trans community, and fatphobia’s roots stemming from racism. Why is it regarded as so normal? Why are we making five year olds in preschool sitting in a circle on the mat on the floor daydream about being thinner so they could be pretty enough to be part of a story? I’m an adult and I still envy thin people so much. I want to have this confidence boost and wear things they are but I’ve been taught that my body looks wrong in them.

I’m genuinely trying to unlearn all of this. Again idk if anyone’s gonna read this but I feel like being open because I know it would help me to know I’m not alone. There are plus sized and fat-bodied individuals who look like me and I think they are so so beautiful and I don’t ever criticize them the way I do myself and I don’t understand why I’m so unkind to myself.

I’m gonna try to stop having such a negative relationship with food and scrutinizing myself. I’m not going to focus on exercising and burning calories but instead moving my body so that I feel good. I share the image of sculptures of Greek goddesses and the fact I am nourished and have energy is something to celebrate. I have a body that naturally gains and retains weight. I don’t want to spend my life fighting it and hating myself trying to chase love that I deserve to be shown without conditions. I am a human being. I am alive and my body is the least interesting thing about me.

#internalized fatphobia #tw fatphobia

[underestimated-heroine]

Aware this is ground we've covered time and again, but there's this overarching issue with how a lot of Europeans--especially western Europeans, from what I've personally seen--talk about problems in the U.S. where they adopt a viewpoint which has this almost Lewis Carroll-like quality; [x assertion about obes*ty/laziness/ignorance/education/politics/etc.] ought to makes sense, and it presents as soundly leftist, but when you get right down to it is actually deeply fallacious and functionally very conservative (often with much more sinister overtones undertones).

The kinds of complaints and criticisms I'm talking about are almost always big ones, things which apply to or affect significant portions of the country's population. They also frequently disproportionately hurt lower classes and oppressed groups. Yet instead of looking for root causes or trying to understand the problem/previous attempts to solve it in any meaningful way, they put both the onus and blame on individuals.

As common as this beloved conservative tactic is among many ostensibly leftist Europeans, it's honestly hard for me to feel offended for a few reasons:

One, because I--like many U.S. citizens--have unlearned (and continue to unlearn) the nationalism shoved down our throats in school and also think this country sucks, partly because I am subjected to just how bad it sucks every single day.

Two, because the hypocrisy of a person simultaneously preaching about ignorance and demonstrating their own is hard to take seriously.

Three, because the amount of arrogance required to believe that if one's own country was subjected to the same cultural, political, and practical realities as the U.S., they and the other citizens of their own country wouldn't fall prey to the exact same problems they're mocking--wouldn't see similar rates of poor health, would simply Not Be Ignorant, would out-excellent math and transcend victimhood (presumably through their inherent genetic? superiority)--is mind-blowing. In fact, it's difficult to keep calling it "arrogance" instead of ethnocentrism. Plenty would argue that's still too charitable a term.

And four, because a lot of those who do this most consistently and loudly literally come from the very countries which colonized the Americas and which continue to hold and act on the ideologies which not only shape the U.S., but serve as the foundation for literally every horrible thing they're criticizing and/or complaining about.

#posts i actually wrote #tw obesity mention #tw fatphobia mention #politics #u.s. politics #imperialism #history #global politics #global relations #international relations

[forrest-byrnes]

tw weight talk 🤪

my mom commented the other night about how she thinks i'm losing weight and i can't stop thinking about my weight now. i told her when it happened that i don't like hearing about it, even if she thinks it's positive, and she said she won't talk about it again. but of course the conversation still happened and now i'm just focused on how much i fucking hate myself again. i just hate how i look so much. i hate how much space i take up. i hate feeling big. i hate feeling like i'm unhealthy because of my weight. i hate all the judgement. i just want to be thin. like, i know i still complained about my weight back in high school. but, god, i'd give anything to have my freshman year body back. i was the most fit i had ever been then, even if i didn't realize it. i remember how light on my feet i felt after every marching band rehearsal. now i just feel so big and wide and heavy and i hate it. i want to lose weight so bad but i'm afraid that if i somehow find a way to start, it will never be enough. i don't want to be someone who is so worried about what number comes up on the scale, but even if i'm not weighing myself, i know it's still a problem. i always look away at doctor's offices because i can't stand knowing. i don't want to be identified by a stupid fucking number. i'm just so upset. i don't want to be like this. i want to feel comfortable in my own skin. i want to feel pretty. but i never do and i hate it and i don't know what to do about it.

#tw weight #cw weight #weight #weight loss #internalized fatphobia