#to know randomly that lies were / are being spread about you is kind of concerning | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

studiojeon · 3 years

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bitterness in goodbye | jjk

this is part of my troubled outsiders series. sadly, you can't read this as a stand alone (meaning: feel free to check the previous parts ♡)

| summary | - You can’t help but feel a little sad when Jungkook doesn’t refrain from cuddling your arm after pleading to forgive him. You wish you could cuddle him instead, that he would lay his head on your chest as you play with his soft hair, but you recognize there are some things you just can’t have.

warnings: none (?) i mean chaeryeong insults jungkook which is an atrocity in itself but-

contents: we diving into the angst my friends. jungkook is an innocent, kind hearted soul, i promise. oc's got the feels (out oct. 1) for jk. idol!jungkook × student!reader.

author's note: I EDITTED THIS FROM MY PHONE DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW FUCKING ANNOYING THAT IS? also, thank u for the amount of support i've been receiving lately, i appreciate everyone lots. feel free to ask away or suggest anything btw, i would love to write for any prompts you guys come up with. 💞💗💖💘💓💕

words: 1.57k

playlist: honey by halsey

Four weeks later, the receptionist of your apartment complex hands you over a cardboard box with the hoodie Jungkook and you had talked about that day on the Han River. Jungkook kept pestering you to please please please send him your address for confidential purposes, which you knew had to do with his determination to literally provide anything that catches your eye right away. You assumed it was a sensitive topic for the boy whether people had purposefully taken advantage of his money before, so you didn’t dare to say anything when the man asked you for your size literally two hours after he dropped you off, scared to either reject his solidare intentions or piss him off for bringing unwanted memories back. In your defense, your personality type keeps oscillating between INFP and INFJ so it’s only natural that you take extra care to make sure those around you have as much peace of mind as possible in your presence.

As pretty and comfortable the piece of soft clothing is, an important factor is missing, something that you can’t recreate buying two of the same size and color, and that is Jungkook's escence and how good it looks on him in comparison to anyone else in the world. Meaning, you didn’t like it as much as you thought initially would. And it absolutely did not have to do with the fact that your short stature made you look like a toddler who stole their dad’s jacket.

Still, in order to show Jungkook how much you appreciate his gift, you bring it to work the next day, and the rest of the days after that, with the excuse that with winter rolling around you needed something to keep you warm in the office. Jungkook doesn’t miss the opportunity to confirm your assumptions regarding your appearance whenever he barges into your office randomly throughout the week, arguing that ”you look so adorable” and doesn’t stop for two weeks more, until he gets used to seeing you wearing something you shared with him. Which doesn’t help ease your growing romantic feelings for him whatsoever.

Because yeah, you liked Jeon Jungkook, just like every human being with eyes and sexual desires, except, you didn’t just like him in a superficial way, and that’s where the problem with him resides. Though you are sure everyone has fallen in love with the endearing boy at some point - especially the excluded and invalidated women of society - you can’t help but place some blame on you for allowing yourself to be swooned so goddamn easily. Your mom had said to you at some point to be wary of the way some men would talk to you when you grew up, their intention usually being getting inside your pants, which has happened to you more times than you'd like to admit. And with the argument that she knew you better than anyone, she claimed you would comply right the second someone talked sweet to you; you despised the fact that was the case with Jungkook (and Jungkook only), although he had never shown any sexual innuendos. What your feelings could do to your relationship with Jungkook and your rather chill lifestyle scared you to death, shiver me timbers and all that shit, having romantic feelings for someone else is embarrassing, especially when your chance with them has been scratched out the second you laid eyes on them.

Jungkook sits on your couch, legs spread on your thighs as you two pretend to watch some series on netflix. “I don’t buy for a second the act you’re putting on right now.” he speaks randomly after staring at your deep-in-thought state for a few minutes and laughs when you snap at him for not letting you overthink in peace. “What’s going on?”

Truth is, you don’t fucking know. A few hours before he arrived at your place (you had to pick him up at the dorm and sneak the both of you through the subterranean parking lot, because god forbid someone saw Jungkook arriving at some chick’s dorm on a saturday afternoon) you swore you would be able to conceal whatever emotional turmoil you had going inside of you without compromising your regular behaviour around the man, but when push comes to shove, it’s impossible to keep yourself from wondering how far you could go before that special someone found out what was going on inside of your head.

Jungkook’s phone rings in his pocket with some annoying tone he had downloaded illegally from youtube the same day the company had handed over the device as a gift for him (you still were a little bitter over how they neglected the rest of the staff but you also knew it was kind of impossible for the human kind to just gift a-thousand-dollar-phones to almost five hundred people out of solidarity). “Hyung?” he picks up, still wary of your unusual behaviour, concerned eyes looking at you. “No, uh- i’m with Yugyeom right now.” and your heart shatters into a million pieces.

You have been suspecting for a while that Jungkook is being hesitant to introduce you to his social circle. Although, you’ve tried your best not to take it personal, it is getting harder to resist the urge to ask him what the fuck is up with that. The fact that Jungkook had to lie about the person he was hanging out with broke your ego; he could’ve just said he was with a friend, right? You suddenly feel like you’re fifteen again, when the guy you liked would love you in the dark but pretend he didn’t know you in the light.

Holding your tears back, you gently push him off and make your way towards the bathroom in the most nonchalant way you could. This is your fault for falling for the nice popular guy in the first place, you remind the reflection staring back at you. Still, as bad as it hurt, there was no way you were going to cry over a stupid boy, let alone when he was literally sat on the next room. He can go fuck himself if he thinks he can just toss this behind as if nothing ever happened.

You text Chaeryeong instead.

“chaery bom bom: i swear to god i gonna throw hands the next time i see the bitch.

chaery bom bom: like who the hell does he think he is? fucking squidward looking asshole.

chaery bom bom: he ain’t even that cute bub, you’ll get over him. i know jinyoung wouldn’t treat you like this”

You sigh. Chaeryeong has been enamored with the idea of you and his former company colleague from GOT7 since the day she met the guy (which was somewhere around ten years ago), and although he was all that, you didn’t like his quiet and cold aura, it intimidated the fuck out of you (Jungkook was the entire opposite of that).

You spray on some perfume just to have an excuse as to why you randomly ran to the bathroom when Jungkook’s inquiring eyes stare as you sit back on the couch, which is exactly what he does. “You done with your call?” you ask, bitter.

Jungkook frowns, a bit taken aback by the sudden question but still unaware of the way his words had made you feel, not even sensing the hostile change in your mood. “Yes, it was one of our managers. He was wondering if I could come back to reshoot some...-thing.”

Okay, now you kind of understand as to why he lied in the first place and to say you feel guilty is an understatement. “I supposed he backed down once you mentioned you were hanging out with Yugyeom.” playfulness makes its appearance on your tone and Jungkook rolls his eyes at you, tongue poking on the inside of his slightly red cheeks.

“Sorry for that” he moves closer and cuddles your arm, like a sad guilty puppy. “It’s just- I don’t want them asking questions''.

You understand. He is a very reserved and private person after all. It took you a bit to crack him open yourself. Plus, you kind of share that trait with him, you’d hate it too if people were constantly on your nerves for the people you decide to hang out with.

And that’s all it takes to forgive him. Not very cash money of you.

“You better not pull that shit again, though” you shift in his hold and he looks up at you. One look into your eyes and he knows what you mean. “I’ll kick you out.”

After nodding, Jungkook resumes his concentration on the series you picked out for him. Due to your short attention span, you are very picky about what you invest your time in, especifically with audiovisual pieces of media, so Jungkook trusts you whenever you recommend something on very rare occasions. As a matter of fact, Jungkook was busy attacking your kitchen counters for snacks (which you didn’t have) when you mentioned Money Heist. “Munch on some grapes instead” you suggested to soothe his disappointment.

You can’t help but feel a little sad when Jungkook doesn’t refrain from cuddling your arm after pleading to forgive him. You wish you could cuddle him instead, that he would lay his head on your chest as you play with his soft hair, but you recognize there are some things you just can’t have.

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violet-knox · 3 years

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Hi 🤗

Can I ask for young!Severus when he has a crush on a reader, but he's to shy to admit it and she's so nice to him and they're starting to talk and spend more time together and become friends (maybe finally even more than just friends)?😊

A New World With You

Pairing: Young!Severus x Slytherin!Pureblood!Reader

Summary: Tension between Muggles and Wizards grow worse during your final year at Hogwarts, and in an attempt to help educate the students, you’re taken on a class trip where you end up exploring London with Severus.

Word Count: 8777

A/N: This was inspired by Midnight Stars Tree by @bush-viper-cutie. I’ve been thinking about this story a lot lately because I loved it so much. It’s so creative and so well written, I definitely recommend giving it a read. I think I veered from the original ask a bit, but I think I hit all the major points. Either way, I hope you enjoy. This one was a lot of fun to write and I love how it turned out.

It was supposed to be a fun get-a-way, a break from schoolwork and all the stress that came with it. But now, not only did you have to give up your weekend to complete a school assignment, you were randomly being paired with someone in your class. It wasn’t fair. Professor Polliwog could have at least let you pick your own partner, you didn’t need to be paired with someone who’d lived in the Muggle world to explore it. All you needed was a sense of adventure and some good company, which you thought you had this morning when you and your best friends got up early to prepare for the trip, excited to explore the city you’d always passed through on your way to the Hogwarts express, never giving it a second glance.

You couldn’t help the fact your parents had introduced you to most of your Hogwarts friends before you’d even gotten your letter, or that none of you had thought to visit the Muggle world before now. Why would you when everything you could possibly need was right there in the Wizarding world? But now that you were being given the chance to explore the unknown, to get to know how Muggles lived, you wanted to do it on your own terms without a Muggleborn tour guide.

“Gather around everyone, gather around,” Professor Polliwog ushered everyone around her on the platform as the last of the students jumped off the Hogwarts Express. You and your friends stuck together, frowning with anticipation of who you’d be paired with. You barely knew anyone who wasn’t raised in the Wizarding world, especially since your house was filled with so many Pureblood and Halfbloods, you didn’t have the slightest clue who you’d be paired with. You wondered if there were even enough Muggleborns to pair with the rest of the school. “I will read out your names in pairs and you will have eight hours to explore the town and return with enough information to write your papers. We will meet back here at 9:20 and make our way to the hotel for the night so don’t lose your tickets!”

“Why do we have to stay in a Muggle hotel? Can’t we at the very least have the night to recover from our visit to the zoo?” One of the students on the other end of the crowd spoke, his friends chuckling at his humourless joke. You shrugged at the attitude many of your Slytherin peers shared with one another, feeling like you were the only one excited to spend a night in a Muggle town. Even your friends weren’t as enthusiastic as you about the idea of sleeping at a Muggle hotel, acting like they were being forced to sleep in an uncivilized reservation with no running water or heating.

“You know very well Mr. Nott that returning to the Wizarding world would defeat the purpose of this trip. Tensions between Muggles and Wizards have risen quite a bit in the last few years, and this trip is meant to teach you Muggles aren’t so different from us. We must learn how they live so that we may learn to live in peace amongst them.”

Severus rolled his eyes, the irony of Polliwog’s words lost on him when it was clear she barely knew anything about the Muggle world herself, her outfit making her look more like a clown than a Muggle civilian. He felt a nudge against his side, looking over to see Avery smirking at him as Polliwog spoke, knowing exactly what was on his mind. He nervously smirked back, growing concerned he would end up paired with one of his own friends and they would find out where he really grew up. For so long he’d wanted to escape the judgment that came with living on Spinner’s End, from the Muggle’s living in Cokeworth and then to all the friends who’d accepted him into their circle at Hogwarts.

The day Lucius had introduced him to Avery, he’d decided he wouldn’t let Spinner’s End define him anymore, that he would forge his own identity and let the others make the assumption he’d grown up in the Wizarding world. He’d finally felt like he belonged when none of them questioned his origins, accepting him and everything he knew about the Wizarding world. When he heard about this trip, he tried to get out of it, begging Slughorn to excuse him, trying to give Dumbledore any excuse he could come up with, but when that failed, and Polliwog decided it was a fantastic idea to figure out who already had experience in the Muggle world, all he could do was hope Merlin would have pity on him and help him keep his secret.

“Now, once I call your name, you may find your partner and start exploring.” One by one your friends were paired up and ran off to explore the wonders of the Muggle world, and one by one the students drizzled down, leaving you concerned you’d end up stuck with Polliwog in the end, told there was no one to pair you with. The only thing that could possibly make this worse was spending the day with your professor and the more names spoken, the more Severus realized the second worst thing that could happen is if he got paired with the one person he’d been trying to talk to for the longest time.

“Severus and (Y/N).” Severus froze, his ears ringing as his heart raced, trying to run away from this horrible day. He’d been so busy worrying over what his friends might think of him, he hadn’t even considered the possibility of being paired with you. He couldn’t bring himself to look for you, feeling rather silly just standing there alone, thoughts of all the times he’d tried to talk to you rushing back to him. So many times he’d tried to plan out what he could say to you, how he could start a conversation, but he could never find the nerve to do it, scared he’d ruin his chance with you like he had with Lily.

“Severus?” You spoke his name, standing behind him and as he slowly turned around, trying to face you. His eyes were wide, blank and unblinking. He looked as though he’d just been struck by the most terrifying news and you felt all hope for a nice day in London slither away. He was clearly unhappy about being paired with you, his frown giving away the feelings he was trying to suppress, but it wasn’t like you’d chosen him. This wasn’t exactly the ideal weekend for you either, but you both had to try and make do with what you were given. “Shall we make our way?”

Severus blinked and found himself back in his body again, swallowing hard as he nodded. He walked after you as you jogged towards the wall separating platforms 9 and 10. Running after you, he found you on the other side, waiting for him and a small part of him began to panic as he realized how real this all was. He tried to think through his vocabulary, trying to find at least one single word to speak to you that wouldn’t sound absolutely pathetic. But he searched with no avail, thickening the awkward silence between you instead.

You walked out of the station unsure of what to say or how to proceed. It was bad enough you got stuck with someone who didn’t want to spend the day with you, but you were stranded in an unknown city with nothing but a tourist map Polliwog had passed out on the train. You had so many questions, yet you felt like you couldn’t ask any of them, Severus looking as though he would rather fall 100 feet than speak with you. You’d known Severus quite a while, at least from a far, so to say you were surprised that you’d been paired with him was an understatement. It had never crossed your mind that a Halfblood would have grown up in the Muggle world. You knew there had to be a story for him to share, you just weren’t sure he’d want to share it with you.

“H-have you explored London before?” you asked cautiously as you stood outside the train station, away from the crowd. Your eyes went straight to his frown, thinking back to the little interactions you’d had with him over the last seven years and you realized you’d only ever once seen him so unhappy. It was after rumours about James Potter saving Severus from the Whomping Willow had spread, chatter amongst the Gryffindors splattered across the halls about how Severus was crying outside their common room. He looked so defeated that morning when you saw him again, huddled into a ball by the fireplace. You watched him from the stairs and tried to will yourself to walk over to him, but you knew nothing you could say would sound right, especially since you were sure he had no clue who you were.

“No.”

“Then where in the Muggle world do you live?” You tried again, hoping to relax the tension between you and get to know him a little bit, but the annoyed expression on his face made it clear he didn’t want to talk.

“Lived,” he lied, his tone giving you the impression your correct assumption had offended him. Crossing his arms, Severus mumbled a truthful answer, hoping you wouldn’t press further. “Nowhere you’d know.”

A frown of your own appeared on your lips, fed up with his tone and attitude. You’d never thought Severus would be this rude, always seeing how kind he was to his friends. But it was clear that kindness was reserved for people he actually liked, and you weren’t one of them. Still, you had to try and get on his good side, otherwise the day would be completely lost and you’d never get to see the Muggle world.

“Alright. Well, any idea where we should start?” You opened up the map in your hand and looked over the odd looking shapes and words scribbled all over, finding it a bit difficult to read. Turning it upside down, you wondered if Muggles had their own secret way of reading maps, but clearly, you just hadn’t paid enough attention in your Muggle studies course, that or Polliwog had no idea what she was talking about all these years.

Looking back over to Severus, you watched him roll his eyes, pouting as he shook his head in disapproval. You couldn’t take it anymore. Even when he wasn’t talking, he still brought down your mood, making you wish you’d never gone on this trip, embarrassed that you were actually excited for it last night.

“Look Severus, I understand that you didn’t want to be paired with me, but there’s nothing we can do to change that. So why not try to make the most of it and have a bit of fun?” You did what you could to lighten the mood, hoping he’d agree and make both your lives just a little bit more bearable, but clearly your hopes were completely misplaced and you hadn’t caught on to the fact nothing would change his mind about you.

“Fun? What could you possibly hope to find fun in a Muggle city?” he said in disgust, looking down at the Muggles breezing past them on the street. He would never use the word ‘fun’ to describe the Muggle world, not the one he’d been born into. He couldn’t believe he was being forced to spend a day here when he’d spent every summer counting the days to escape Cokeworth. He especially couldn’t believe the fact that this would be your first impression of him, that of all the horrific scenarios he dreamt up, Merlin managed to come up with something worse.

He wanted so badly to start off your interaction with him in a positive light, to do with you what he couldn’t with Lily. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. He’d waited so long to come up with the best introduction, to have his first words spoken to you be those you’d hang onto for the rest of your life. But the irony in your words told him he was far from such a position, your view of him now tainted by the idea that he didn’t like you.

“I-I don’t know I just thought-” You tried to oppose his views, knowing you had no ground to stand on when the only interaction with the Muggle world you’d had was passing it by on your way to the Hogwarts Express. You just could never imagine it being as horrible as everyone said, not willing to accept the tone Severus took when speaking of London.

“Muggles don’t live like us and even if they had our… skillset, they couldn’t possibly dream of creating a world like ours.” Severus rambled on without considering how you felt about his words or his attitude. Instead, he let his defensive tone once again ruin the chance of any sort of relationship with someone he admired. Looking over to you, he watched your frown match his own, your arms crossed and brows furrowed with anger. You’d had enough of his attitude, no matter how he felt about the Muggle world, he had no right to talk this way when this trip was supposed to let you form your own opinion about Muggles.

“Are you going to be this sour the entire day?” you snapped at him, ready to walk away and never turn back.

“I’m not sour! I’m telling the truth.” The words flew out of his mouth before he could even think, the need to hide himself from everyone around him ingrained too deep in his chest to let it go, even for you. He’d spent the better part of last semester trying to approach you, admiring your passion during class, your beauty during lunch, your kindness in the halls, and now he was throwing away any chance he had to befriend you with a sour attitude and bleak words.

You huffed in frustration, storming away without regarding Severus in the slightest. You couldn’t take being around him anymore, your weekend completely ruined after the discussion you’d just had with him. You’d rather aimlessly walk around in this unknown city, having no clue where to go or where you were than listen to another word from him. You were so disappointed in this trip, in Severus and his attitude. You’d always wondered how a conversation with him would go, how nice it would be to talk to someone about the subjects you learned in class. Severus always seemed to be the only one passionate about them, but clearly his passion extended further than his school subjects, a pleasant conversation with him now a thing of dreams.

“W-where are you going?” Severus’ voice followed you, leaving behind his awful tone. You were surprised he continued to walk behind you, despite your furious pace to get away from him and a part of you was glad for it, still hopeful this weekend would turn around.

“I don’t know, but I’m not going to stand there and listen to your rambles. The point of this trip is to explore the unknown and you're just spewing on like Muggles still live in the dark ages!” you said as he caught up with you. Severus wasn’t sure what to say, feeling horrible knowing he was the reason you were so upset.

“But here, look.” You stopped in your tracks, picking up an odd looking stick, intrigued by its bright red colour. “If Muggles are so unimaginative as you say, how can they come up with this? … Whatever it is.”

You examined the object, spotting a small dab of dried ink on the end and wondered if this was some sort of writing utensil. You couldn’t imagine how Muggles would use it, the dab of ink too small to write a single letter, let alone entire essays.

“It’s a pen.” Severus frowned, crossing his arms, unimpressed with Polliwog’s failure of illustrating something as simple as a pen. It wasn’t like the bloody things were expensive or rare, she could have easily bought a couple to show the class, but no, it was all about the textbooks and whatever words they possessed. Theory was all that mattered, Merlin forbit a professor at Hogwarts actually teach the students to apply their knowledge. At least McGonagall and Flitwick had the sense to demonstrate the spells they were teaching.

“Right, a pen,” you said, rather pleased your guess was right. Pressing the pen to his chest, you let it go and turned back to walk away, feeling like your mini triumph was ruined by his hatred towards Muggles. Severus caught the pen before it fell, looking at it in his hand and immediately tossing it to the ground, disregarding it without a second thought. He could never learn to appreciate Muggles or their trinkets like you did. He knew they were bright, that they had progressed in some ways further than the Wizarding world, but he just couldn’t get past the awful parts of their realm. He admired your open mind, he truly did, but you hadn’t lived like him, you hadn’t experienced the worst of what Muggles can do.

“Leave me alone, Severus, I’ll roam the city on my own,” you said when you realized he’d continued to follow behind. Severus felt his heart sliced up into pieces by your harsh words. But he knew he deserved it, that he’d caused your mood to shift to such an angry tone. He slowed his speed and watched you walk away as he stood there on the sidewalk like the fool he was. He’d completely ruined any chance of a friendship with you like he had with Lily and it was clear to him now that it was him who’d pushed others away all his life. When Lily stopped talking to him, he’d blamed Potter like he blamed his father when his mother left them last year. But it was him all along. He was the only common denominator between you, Lily and his mother, so it only made sense that he was the problem.

He’d lost sight of you, your figure disappeared into the crowd of Muggles passing him by, and he wasn’t sure what to do with himself. He didn’t want to explore London like everyone else, he wanted to go home. Stuffing his hands in his pocket, he began making his way back to the train station, clutching his ticket in his hand. Perhaps the train was still there and he’d be allowed to pass the time in one of the compartments. At least in the train, he’d be as close to Hogwarts as he could, and he wouldn’t have to suffer through another day amongst people who could care less about him.

He walked as fast as he could, running through the barrier between platforms 9 and 10, finally finding himself relax when he found the Hogwarts Express still sitting there, waiting for him to return. Without thinking, he ran to the door and tugged on the handle, finding it locked. Pulling out his wand, he cast a silent alohomora unsurprised to find the door still locked. He tried a few more charms, unhopeful they would work until he gave up and walked back to one of the pillars in the middle of the platform, sinking down to the ground, facing his only ride back home.

He hugged his knees and thought back to the horrendous day he’d had, starting it off horrified his friends would find out the truth about him, afraid he’d be paired with you, then finding himself living in a complete nightmare as he watched you storm off from his less than delightful attitude. He’d spent the better half of the day building up his defenses, too scared to let the world see him and who he was that he’d pushed yet another person away. A year he’d spent pining for you, trying to build up the courage to at least say hello, but his fear of repeating history had him putting it off until the universe decided enough was enough. He wasn’t ready. If only he had some time to prepare, if he’d spoken to you at Hogwarts with the conversation planned out… it would have still ended in a disaster because he was destined to live in agony and resentment.

He groaned in frustration, tears prickling his eyes as his mind dreamt up scenarios where he’d made a good impression on you, the friendship he could have built, the fun you could have had together. He could have finally talked to someone who appreciated Potions, Herbology, Defense, Charms and every other subject in school. You could have studied together, excelled together and helped each other build such promising careers. But of course, none of that would come to pass after what he’d just done. Hope told him to grab hold of the possibility you’d forgive him, that if he just found the right words, the right thing to say, you’d give him a second chance, but he knew fate would never allow for such a thing. He couldn’t break the cycle no matter how hard he tried, no matter how much he wanted it, he felt completely helpless.

He tried to clear his mind, quickly wiping away his tears to hide his disappointment, but he couldn’t help but think of you and how you were wandering around London on your own while the rest of the class all had company. He thought of you trying to ask Muggles for help, completely lost in this giant city. He thought about how you’d struggle to make your way back here, missing the deadline Polliwog set and forced to spend the night in some unknown Muggle street. It tore at him thinking of some Muggle finding you alone, taking advantage of your helplessness like he knew they would back in Cokeworth.

Jumping to his feet, he found himself running back out the train station and leaving behind the only sliver of his home he’d get until the trip ended. He needed to find you, to try and make it up to you or to at least make sure you were alright. He couldn’t let the Muggle world tarnish you like it had him and perhaps, by Merlin’s grace, you’d find it in your heart to forgive him for such a horrible first impression.

He looked down the steps outside the train station and began to retrace your movements, stopping when he spotted the pen he’d so carelessly brushed off after you’d admired it. Picking it up, he noticed how damaged it was, how beat up the casing had become after being tossed aside like trash. Pressing the tip to his finger, he dragged the pen across his skin and watched as it left behind a strong trail of red ink. It still worked after everything it had been through. Stuffing the pen in his pocket, he made his way down the street, looking everywhere for a sign, anything at all that could tell him where you were. It felt like a helpless case trying to find you in this city, but he had to try, he couldn’t give up now.

You’d really tried to brush off Severus’ words, but they stuck with you as you walked onwards, ringing in your ear with every step you took. You entered shops, hoping to find something that could help keep your mind off of him and your disappointment in this weekend, but nothing could lift your spirits after what he’d done. He’d hurt you more than you’d cared to admit, not just because of the way he spoke about the Muggle world, but his hateful tone shunned you away from any relationship you’d previously hoped to have with him. He wasn’t the boy you imagined, and it crushed you to know that.

Still, you marched forward and tried your best to do what you’d set out to do and make the most of this opportunity. You entered clothing shops and wondered how Muggles could possibly find some of these items comfortable or appealing to the eye. You passed by a toy store and was rather unimpressed at their odd boring selection. You rifled through a bookstore and bought a few items to give Muggle authors a try, starting to feel better about what had happened today. You walked the streets until you finally found a diner where you felt normal. Glaring at the menu, you smiled as you finally found something in common with the Muggles. You took your time, decided you’d spend the day here, eating and reading one of your new books and that would have to be enough for you to salvage the day.

The waitress brought you your food and you took a moment to admire the delicacy of the presentation. It looked very well made, like they were prepared by a dozen house elves. The burger wasn’t as large as those you’d seen at Hogwarts, but the fries were definitely much more crispy and the milkshake was absolutely astounding. You happily drank, wondering what Muggles would think of Butterbeer if they ever got the chance to taste it as you pulled out one of your books, flipping it over to read about the author. The picture was still, and for a moment you thought perhaps you’d seen her blink, but it was clear Muggles were unable to capture moving pictures like Wizards could. It was an interesting sight, but you weren’t sure you liked it. The constant stare of the woman creeped you out. Shaking your head, you turned the book back around and flipped it open, reading the first few words of the first Muggle book you would ever enjoy.

Severus felt hopeless walking down the streets of London, beginning to get lost himself as he tried every street, every store he passed by until his feet ached with pain. He’d lost track of time, but it had felt like he’d been walking for days, his heart slowing as he tried to catch his breath. He’d been in such a panic for so long, he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to stay standing for very much longer if he didn’t rest. But he couldn’t bring himself to stop, his guilt growing the more time ticked away. He’d wanted to try and make it up to you, but the more time he wasted looking for you, the less time he’d have to try and salvage your happiness.

He was almost about to give up, when he saw a waitress in the diner across the street setting down a plate of fries on a table where someone very familiar sat, reading a book. He stopped in his tracks, looking through the window, wondering if he was hallucinating, if his mind was playing tricks on him just to get him to stop looking for you. He crossed the street and the closer he got, the more he wondered if fate was trying to make things up to him after putting him between a rock and a hard place these last few days.

He walked into the diner and looked over to the side, admiring you as you read. You looked like you’d made up for his outburst all on your own. His shoulders dropped as he realized all he would do now if he walked up to you was remind you of how he’d ruined your day. He sighed and turned back to look at the door, knowing he should leave, but the need for repentance kept him from stepping out that door. He wanted a second chance, another go at a first impression with you. He wanted to have a real conversation with you, to make you smile and enjoy his time like you were doing right now.

“Severus?” He stopped his motions when he heard his name, turning his head back to you as he let the door swing shut. You’d seen him and if he ran out now, he’d have no chance of redeeming himself in the future. Walking over to you, he stood beside your table, unsure of what to say. “What are you doing here?”

He stood there hoping Merlin would help him find the right thing to say to you so what happened this morning wouldn’t happen again. Stuffing his hands in his pocket, he froze and suddenly found himself feeling calm, his mind clear. Slowly, he pulled out his right hand and gently placed on the table before you the red pen you’d picked up off the street.

“I-I’m sorry.” The words left his lips without a thought, knowing it’s what you needed to hear. “I shouldn’t have said those things, acted like that and I’m really sorry.”

You looked at him in astonishment, your eyes unable to leave the beat-up pen on the table. You were completely floored at the idea he’d found you just to apologize, that he’d kept the pen you were so infatuated with and you were touched. You smiled at his gesture, feeling your faith in him restore as he stood there in desperation, his eyes begging for your forgiveness. Picking up the pen, you held it between your fingertips for a moment, examining it like it was the most fascinating thing you’d seen all day.

“Do you want to sit?” you offered. Severus couldn’t believe your willingness to hear him out, but he didn’t hesitate to take the second chance you gave him, learning from Lily to never again take forgiveness for granted. He sat across from you and watched your every movement, worried that if he took his eyes off you now, he’d realize it wasn’t real.

“Do you want some fries?” You pushed the plate to him, noticing how shriveled he looked and realized he probably hadn’t eaten all day if he’d spent it looking for you. Severus peered down at the fries, trying to resist, feeling like he hadn’t earned the right to eat the food you’d paid for, but your smile was so inviting, and he’d used up his energy trying to find you. Picking out a fry, he slowly chewed on it and watched as you slid over your half-drunk milkshake with a smile. You were so kind, so generous; a Slytherin with a heart as many would joke at Hogwarts.

“Why do you hate the Muggle world so much?” you asked softly, hoping this discussion wouldn’t lead to another explosion of hatred, but you just couldn’t let it go and if there was any hope for you to build any sort of friendship with him, you had to get to know him more. You needed an explanation for what he’d done before you could move past it.

Severus shrugged in response, his wall building itself back up again as he tried to fight the urge to hide himself again. After he’d opened up to Lily about his life on Spinner’s End, he promised himself he would never do it again, not after she picked Potter’s side over his. He didn’t want to talk about the past, he just wanted to move forward and build himself a new future, one that wasn’t controlled by his parents or Potter or anyone else. “I suppose that I was quick to judge.”

“Well, they don’t seem so bad to me,” you retorted, finding yourself having enjoyed the day despite everything that had happened, though you were sure the mends Severus was making now was the only reason you felt as happy as you did. You were moved by his sentiment, never once feeling as special as he made you feel before today. “Have-have you been searching for me all day?”

Severus leaned back in his seat, cherishing the smile on your face, your curiosity and worry over him. He felt the heat rise to his face as he realized how embarrassing what he’d done was. It was bad enough he’d admired you from afar this past year, but to admit he’d ran down the streets of London searching for you was something he could never live down.

“No,” he shook his head and stared down at the nearly empty plate of fries, surprised he’d eaten so much when he’d given you his full attention. Your smile grew wider as you kept your eyes on him, knowing he was lying through his teeth. “I just-I didn’t want to leave you roaming around London alone.”

Your smile grew wider and he couldn’t help but return it. You leaned forward, setting your arms on the table as you narrowed your eyes. You wanted so badly to trust him, to have with him what you thought you’d never find with anyone else, but you were scared. You didn’t know him, not really. You’d seen him in class, seen his achievements, watched him pick his friends and fight with the Gryffindors, but you didn’t know the real him. The only thing you’d learned from today was his resentment towards Muggles and that wasn’t exactly something that gave you confidence in him.

“Well, we have a few more hours before we have to go back. Got anywhere in mind?” you asked, wanting to give this friendship a chance, wanting so badly to see him for who he truly was. You’d felt like you’d seen so many versions of him, you weren’t sure which one was real anymore.

“Have you seen the cinema yet?” He leaned in, eager for how well things were turning out, how forgiving you seemed to be.

“What’s a cinema?”

Severus chuckled, almost forgetting your lack of knowledge on the Muggle world. More than ever, he wanted to build at least a friendship with you, to be around you more and see through your eyes. Perhaps if he was given that chance, his outlook on the Muggle world wouldn’t cause him to explode like he did this morning. “They play movies there, like moving pictures that tell a story.”

Your eyes lit up, your back straightened as you smiled with fascination. You felt all your anger towards him completely melt away as you took him up on his offer to at least end the day on a happy note. “That sounds amazing! But I thought Muggles weren’t allowed to handle magical objects.”

“It’s not magic. It’s technology.” He grinned at your obliviousness of the Muggle world, looking forward to seeing it in a new light through your eyes. Finishing off the fries, you put away your book and red pen, then grabbed your milkshake to follow Severus down the street. The sun was already setting and for a moment, you felt a bit resentful towards him, realizing how lovely of an evening you could have had with him if he’d only acted proper this morning. But as much as you wished you could rewrite time, as much as you wanted to redo the day, you couldn’t and that was okay. He’d come back for you, he’d wanted to try again and perhaps it was because he felt guilty, but oh how you hoped it was because he saw the potential for such a strong relationship between you both.

There was so much you wanted to explore with him, but you knew nothing would come of this small spark of a friendship if Severus didn’t want it, if he didn’t tear down those walls. He’d always been such a mystery to you, but you realized now just how complex he was, how he was more than that lanky boy at the end of the library, studying until the lights went out. He was more than the Slytherin that had fought with Gryffindor’s Quidditch star, more than what everyone made him out to be and you could only hope he’d open himself up enough to let you see him for who he truly was.

The more you walked alongside him, talking to him about the Muggle world, already learning so much from him, the more you felt like you were getting to see a side of him he rarely showed anyone. You wondered if he was comfortable around you, if he was open to building at least a friendship with you, but you were too afraid to read into it or ask him how he felt. You’d started off the day so rocky, you didn’t want to risk ruining what you had now. You wanted to enjoy the moment and at least you would have this evening to look back on when you went back to Hogwarts.

The cinema wasn’t far from where you were, and you almost wished it was, enjoying the walk there with him more than the idea of seeing this ‘movie’ Severus spoke of. But, as you approached the doors, your curiosity for the Muggle world overtook you, your eyes trying to take in as much of the humongous building as they could. After your walk today, you’d assumed all Muggle buildings were small, nothing even coming close to the size of some of the shops you’ve been to in the Wizarding world, let alone Hogwarts. But this building looked endless, Severus claiming every room was twice as large as a classroom.

“What do you want to watch?” he asked as you both looked up at the billboard displaying the movies and their showtimes. You shrugged at his question, completely lost as to what you were looking at. You weren’t sure it would even matter what you ended up watching, just the experience alone was enough to keep you satisfied and the fact that it was Severus who was introducing you to this new world made it all the more special.

“Well, what was that book you were reading about?” he asked instead, hoping to pick a movie to your liking and get to know you a bit better. He wanted so badly to progress whatever it was between you both, to fast forward to the part where he knew everything about you and he’d trusted you to know everything about him. But he knew great relationships weren’t created with one measly conversation and trust had to be earned, so he settled for the opportunity to get to know you one bit at a time instead.

“It’s about this girl and her friends who plan on exploring rumours about buried treasure. It’s called ‘The Secret of the Forgotten City’’,” you said, unsure on how you felt about the book just yet since you’d only read a couple of chapters. But the bookshop owner had said it was a popular story amongst the Muggles, and it had yet to disappoint you so far.

“A mystery. Then perhaps we can watch that one?” Severus points at the title ‘Return from Witch Mountain’ with a smirk and you couldn’t help but burst into laughter, finding the name ironic considering your destination to Hogwarts tomorrow. Nodding, you agreed to watch whatever these moving pictures entailed.

Severus walked up to a booth where a man sat entrapped in some glass, which you thought was rather odd. But when Severus asked the man for two tickets to see the next showing of ‘Return from Witch Mountain’, you realized he was no prisoner, but a worker who’d chosen to remain incased, selling people tickets to see the moving pictures. The man gave you the price to be paid for the tickets and you both began to rummage through your pockets, Severus picking out as many coins as he could before he realized he was short. He patted himself down in a panic, feeling completely saddened at the fact that money had once again become a barrier between him and the thing he wanted most; a friendship with you. He could hardly believe his luck, utterly crushed at the thought of disappointing you a second time. He couldn’t face the idea of ruining your plans again, a look of anger on his face as he triple checked every pocket. He’d ruined his second chance, knowing there was no chance for a third.

Setting your money on the counter, you looked over to Severus, watching him struggle to come up with the full amount and immediately grabbed a few more coins of your own to make up the difference. Severus looked up when he heard your coins hit the countertop and watched as they were exchanged for two tickets. He was in shock at what you’d done. The tickets weren’t exactly cheap and it was him who’d suggested watching a movie in the first place. You had no idea what you’d paid for, yet you were happy to fork over your coins to have him by your side while you watched the movie.

“W-why did you do that?” he asked as you made your way inside the theater to find your seats. He wanted to be mad, his own ego objecting to the humiliation of a stranger paying for what he couldn’t. But he felt grateful, not for the money, but for your kindness and willingness to give up something so valuable just for a few hours of fun with him.

“Because I want to watch the movie with you Severus.” He smiled, feeling overjoyed at your words, your confirmation of interest in him, but how could you not after you’d admired him for so long? You’d wanted nothing more than to spend time with him and money wasn’t going to stand in the way of that.

“I’ll pay you back,” he promised, not wanting any reason for resentment between either of you, especially now during such a fragile state in your relationship.

“You don’t have to. Consider it a thank you for bringing me here.” You playfully nudged his arm with a smile. Severus felt the heat rise to his cheeks as he tried to suppress his ever-growing smirk. He was beyond relieved that he’d managed to redeem himself, that you’d accepted his apology and attempted to make things up to you after this morning.

You saw all the Muggles heading into the theater carrying snacks and noticed the absurd prices at the counter where they were selling popcorn, drinks and candy. You didn’t think twice about passing up on those knowing full well Severus would only feel worse if you spent more money on him and besides, you’d had quite the meal not thirty minutes ago, your stomach full and your heart happy with the company you kept. Severus led the way to the middle of the second to back row claiming they were always the best seats and you didn’t argue. You had no idea what to expect, but you were excited nonetheless.

“So, what now?” you asked eagerly as you sat in the dark room waiting for something to happen.

“Now we wait,” Severus told you, leaning on the arm rest between you. “The movie is set to start in fifteen minutes so they should start playing commercials soon.”

“Not even Muggles can escape the power of advertisement,” you chuckled knowing everyone around you would likely be completely bored by them, but you were looking forward to it. You wanted to know as much of the Muggle world as possible and what better way to do that then sit through some advertisements about Muggle objects or odd looking inventions.

As Severus had promised, a flash of light appeared before your eyes, colours spilling all over the screen as the first commercial began to play. Sound filled the theater and you could barely hear yourself think, wondering how anyone was able to speak over all this noise. The pictures moved before you, an image of a bed displayed with a woman slipping under it’s covers, some unknown voice speaking of the amazing mattress she was sleeping on. The commercial was dull and uninspired, but you loved every moment of it. The next commercial began playing and you found yourself completely lost at the object being sold.

“WHAT’S A TV?” You turned to Severus and asked him. Immediately everyone in front of you turned and looked at you funny, some shushing you, others looking like you’d gone mad. You looked back at them wide eyed, unsure of what you did wrong. You turned to Severus to see him trying to suppress a smile, chuckling under his breath as he looked at you.

“You aren’t supposed to speak in the theaters,” he whispered in your ear. He leaned back in his chair and saw a look of disappointment and embarrassment wash over your face. He suddenly felt very guilty for not informing you sooner of the general rules of the theater and leaned back to whisper the answer to your question, hoping if he tried to have a light conversation, you would cheer up. “A TV is like a portable theater. You can use it to watch movies at home.”

You smiled when Severus answered your question, feeling better about shouting in a place where talking was forbidden. But for the second time today, Severus was there to make it up to you, to make you smile when you felt so down. Placing your hand on his, you silently thanked him, not daring to try and whisper your gratitude to him. Severus felt his heart skip a beat when he felt the gentle graze of your fingers slipping over his hand. He looked down at the armrest between you and saw your hand over his and slowly, he turned his over to hold yours, returning your smile as the commercials continued to blaze the room.

Neither of you wanted to move away when the movie finally started, half your focus on his thumb mindlessly caressing your knuckles, stopping when you squeezed his hand in approval. Severus wasn’t sure what to make of your small gesture having convinced himself you’d hate him after what happened this morning, that you’d never want to speak with him again after tonight. Your hand in his kept him hopeful that you’d want to explore whatever it was between you, that you’d at least be willing to keep him as a friend during your last year at Hogwarts.

He cautiously turned his head towards you, trying to catch a glance of your face as you watched the movie. Your eyes were so full of wonder and he could only imagine how happy you both could have been if you’d spent the entire day exploring the city like you were meant to do. He would never forgive himself for passing up such an opportunity, promising himself he’d spend as long as he could trying to make up for that time you lost. But for now, he was happy to watch your eyes sparkle and your soft smile.

You easily lost track of time, your thoughts wandering from the movie to the boy sitting next to you. Any other day you would be infatuated with questions about how Muggles had managed to make moving pictures, how they could capture and tell a story in such an amazing way. But all you could think about was Severus and everything he’d done to mend your first impression of him, of how hard he tried to lift your mood and how amazing it would be to have such a person by your side during your last year at Hogwarts. You fantasized study sessions with him late in the Slytherin common room, cuddling up to him as you both crammed for your N.E.W.T exams. You dreamt of a future where you kept in touch with Severus after graduation and saw all the mesmerizing achievements you knew he would accomplish.

Peeling your eyes away from the screen, you glanced over at Severus to catch a glimpse of his eyes before he quickly turned away from you, his hair falling before his face and his hand retreating to his lap. He looked like you’d just caught him stealing from the Potion’s cupboard, ashamed of what he’d done and you felt your heart sink at the empty feeling in your hand. Abandoning all care for the movie, you kept your eyes on Severus, your hand slowly moving to find his again. You gently placed your hand in his, hoping he wouldn’t pull away, hoping if you tried to be forward with your emotions, he might return them.

Severus held your hand and looked up to find you looking so softly at him, a gentle smile tugging at the corner of your parted lips. He locked his eyes with yours and lost himself in your admiration for him. You opened your mouth like you had something important to tell him until you remembered what happened the last time you spoke in this theater. Your eyes fell from his a moment as you rethought your approach, needing to tell him how you felt. Severus tried to read your expression, wanting to know what was going through your mind. He hoped you weren’t having second thoughts, that you didn’t regret taking him up on his offer.

He waited anxiously to see you pull back and walk away from him. But instead, you slowly leaned forward, your eyes flickering between his eyes and his lips. His heart raced at the idea of a kiss from you, his body leaping at the chance as he leaned forward. You smiled when he mirrored your movements, giving you enough courage to close the distance between you and press your lips against his. Severus eagerly kissed you back, bewildered by the emotions you conveyed. You were pouring out your heart to him, showing him how you felt, how infatuated you were with him, how much you admired him, needing him in your life. You wanted to be close with him, to earn his trust and him yours. It felt so right, and you were overjoyed to see Severus return your feelings.

You finally parted and suddenly became very thankful Severus had picked the second last row with no one sitting behind you. If you were judged for speaking in the theater, you could only imagine how people would react if they caught you both so passionately declaring your love for each other through that kiss. Your grin stretched from one ear to the other as you opened your eyes, never wanting to lean too far back from him. You looked at him with such glee, his own smile growing larger than you’d ever seen. His happiness seemed so pure, so real, and you felt your heart flutter at the thought that one kiss from you had him floating on clouds. You watched his eyes flicker down to your lips again and you could hardly contain your giggle as his free hand reached to cup your jaw, his thumb caressing your cheek as he leaned in for a few more soft playful kisses.

His lips were thin, but his adoration for you was ever present as they met yours over and over again. He lightly tugged on your bottom lip with his teeth and just when you thought you’d find yourself kicked out of the theater for all the affection flowing between you, Severus stopped and leaned back, admiring your eyes as his hand slipped down from your face to his lap. You happily interlocked your fingers with his and looked back to the movie, leaning as far towards Severus as the seat would allow. You felt his arm press against yours as he mimicked your movements, hardly able to take his eyes off you.

He did his best to pay attention, or at least to appear as though he was watching the film, but his thoughts were all fixed on you. He wanted so badly to hear you explain what had just happened, to ask why you’d done such a thing when you barely knew him, when you knew he wasn’t perfect. But that was the precise reason why you admired him so much. His imperfections had never been something he’d tried to hide, whether it be his large hooked nose, his greasy hair, his lanky body, his need to lean on others or gullibility. He never tried to keep the world from seeing his flaws like many others would. He instead displayed strength trying to improve himself, showing you the same ambition he carried during class when he came to find you at that diner tonight. He was perfectly imperfect and you couldn’t wait to get to know him better. You couldn’t wait to build a relationship in this new world you’d created with him.

@dracos-mudblood @darkthought15 @severuslovebot @mitchiesdungeon @bush-viper-cutie @wanderingtrails @sleepysnapesnake @fluffymadamina

#Severus Snape #severus x reader #severus snape x reader #snape x reader #young severus snape #my writing #pro snape #snapedom #snape community #slytherin reader #pureblood reader

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dailylogyn · 3 years

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Logyn Meta: Loki & Sigyn’s relationship in the Marvel Comics

Photo Source (by Sexy-Salmon): https://lokisergi.tumblr.com/post/70164902295/siege-loki-problems-it-almost-looks-innocent

Other Logyn Meta’s: https://dailylogyn.tumblr.com/tagged/logyn-meta

Did you know Sigyn was in the Marvel Comics long ago? Did you know Loki had a wife?

Oh...that’s probably because Marvel wanted you to forget their terrible writing mistakes concerning this great Norse Couple.

Let’s dive into this exploration of history where the Marvel writers realized they fucked up on telling a perfectly good couples story, and in the process, setting off a spark of rebellion that caused some retconning and a group of fans to demand justice for both Loki & Sigyn -- not just as a couple, but as their own individual beings.

#JusticeforSigyn #JusticeforLoki #JusticeforLogyn

Where it First Began (Meeting & Marriage of Lies):

In September of 1978, Thor #275 came out featuring the first appearance of Sigyn, Loki’s wife from Norse Mythology. She was introduced as a beautiful Asgardian Loki had randomly come across while looking into a crystal ball inside his castle, wanting to find some companionship to fill his loneliness.

However, when Loki came with riches and jewels to offer her in exchange for her hand in marriage, Sigyn outright rejected him, stating she would never take someone as vile as him, even stating she was already engaged to an Asgardian Warrior part of Odin’s guard -- Theoric.

Unable to accept this, Loki came up with a plan to have her fiancee killed during a mission, resulting in the Trickster taking on the disguise of Theoric in order to take Sigyn for his own. Despite having slightly suspicions of her lover being more romantic than before, Sigyn didn't notice that her lover wasn’t exactly who she thought he was.

Now comes the day of the wedding as Odin marries the happy couple. This was when Loki finally revealed his true self and what he had done. Odin tried to null the marriage, but it was against Asgardian law for even the High Father to do such a thing. Hence, Sigyn accepted her fate as Loki’s wife. This caused Odin to name her the Goddess of Fidelity.

Where it’s Heading (Cargo of Incantation-Fetter’s Arms):

Loki being Loki, he did some shit that ended up with him being imprisoned in a tree by Odin, something that infuriated Sigyn, resulting in her trying to take control over Donald Blake to use over the All-Father as a way to free her husband from his punishment. However, it didn’t work out, resulting in a bunch of other crazy shit happening and putting Thor on their trail.

After Balder was killed, Loki was put on trials for his crimes and received yet another punishment that Sigyn had to protect him from -- having burden over the fact she was “the evil’s wife.” Just like the classic Norse tale, she holds a bowl over his head, shielding him from snake venom and leaving to empty it momentarily when it became full, resulting in Loki cursing her.

Also, Loki and Sigyn had a child -- Narvi, but they died young, being used as the binding to imprison Loki (following the Norse myth too.)

Some more crazy shit happens and now Odin has shackled Loki to Sigyn so he doesn’t cause anymore trouble. Loki of course is not pleased about this one bit. Having had enough of this, he went to Odin demanding to be released, only resulting in him being banished to an outpost.

There Just Might be Hope????:

Some more shit happens again, resulting in Loki being stuck in an astral form and bound to a suit of armor so he could reside in Asgard thanks to Sigyn. A fight happens with Thor, Loki and Mephisto, putting Sigyn in danger. This is when for the first time ever, Loki ends up having a tender confession of love over Sigyn, asking Thor to save her since he could not.

It’s unknown if this is just Loki putting on an act or being real, but you know how the Trickster God can be.

After the battle, while Loki had released Sigyn from her marital vows, his wife swore to always be there for him when he needed her.

And that’s the last we see of Sigyn’s regular appearance in the comics in 1996. She makes a cameo in Avengers: Unleashed #1 in 2019, but it’s nothing more than a flashback to her time of helping Loki.

A Hypothesis & Notes on their relationship in comics:

The whole entire plotline consisting of Theoric and Loki killing him in order to obtain Sigyn is just something most of the fandom doesn’t like. Not only does it objectify Sigyn, but it makes Theoric a Pointless character to introduce anyway, only used as a tool for means in which Loki can get Sigyn, when honestly, he could have done so in a different way.

I like that they stick with Sigyn being the faithful wife of Loki (that’s who she is), but they honestly don’t give her any agency in this besides that trait alone. The writers don’t even let Sigyn be her own damn person! She is SO MUCH MORE than Loki’s loyal wife. SHE IS A FREAKIN GODDESS! I know there is more we can do with her.

Instead of pulling the ‘woe is me, my husband is evil and I’ll just go along with it’ card, something else could have been done. LIKE LITERALLY, ANYTHING ELSE! We know Loki can be a troublemaker, but Sigyn knows how to deal with his shit. She isn’t some damsel in distress here! It’s another reason Loki likes her.

Couples can bicker in times, it’s normal in marriages and relationships, but to have Loki whining about how much of a burden Sigyn is is just....WHY? I mean, you went after the woman and killed another guy for her. This is what you wanted! *shakes head at writers*

I will give them kudos though for some of the stuff near the end when Loki actually starts displaying his true feelings of love towards Sigyn. And sadly we only got a little taste of that...and we aren’t even sure if it was an act or Loki being real.

THE FACT THAT SIGYN ISN’T EVEN IN THE COMICS ANYMORE SINCE 1996. She’s only mentioned, but it’s just as a tale, not as an actual person who USED to be his wife. They literally killed her off. EXCUSE ME! #JusticeforSigyn (We’re still waiting for her in the MCU...)

NORSE MYTHOLOGY TIE-INS:

There were some moments in the comics between them that they writers took from Norse Mythology with them. Thought It’d be important to list.

Loki’s Punishment of snake venom dripping onto him while Sigyn holds a bowl to collect it and shield him.

Narvi being Loki & Sigyn’s son who was killed and his insides used to bind Loki for his punishment.

Sigyn being Loki’s wife.

DIFFERENT WRITERS, DIFFERENT CHARACTERIZATION:

As is the case with everything out there, if you have different writers working on the same project, there is bound to be a difference of characterization and interpretation, resulting in OOC moments or just something completely different altogether. After researching and pondering on this subject, I FULLY believe this is what has happened with Loki & Sigyn’s relationship in the comics. Let’s take a look at the evidence I’ve found:

For the comics Sigyn’s creators were Roy Thomas, John Buscema and Tom Palmer.

Loki’s creators for the comics were Stan Lee, Larry Lieber, Jack Kirby, Violet Barclay, and honestly, many others.

My favorite quotes on them from the comics:

Wait? Despite the crappy writing, I actually have quotes I like from the comics? GASP! I call these the only positives from the comics of their relationship.

“My Sigyn-- the love of my immortal life...” — Loki, Thor Annual Vol 1 #19

“Aye-- For only Sigyn, of all in the realm eternal, feels love for Loki. And among all Asgardians, only for Sigyn does Loki feel...” — Loki, Thor Annual #19

“Sigyn loves me-- just as she is the only thing in the nine worlds that I truly love.”— Loki, Thor #483

Photo Source: https://www.zerochan.net/1262293#full

Fandoms Wish for MCU & Future Appearance Justice:

Fans would like to see Sigyn make an appearance, not only in the MCU (Marvel Cinematic Universe), but also the Marvel Comics once again. They would like to see Loki & Sigyn’s characters done justice with proper writing, especially regarding their relationship with each other.

This is why there is plenty of fans out there writing Fanfiction, making Fanart, Roleplaying and even Cosplaying them, giving their interpretation’s of what their relationship would be like. This is THE VERY REASON this blog and @sigynappreciation was created to help spread awareness and unite fans who feel the same way.

These characters are very near and dear to our hearts. Some of us even worship them in our religions. We would like to see their relationship grow and portrayed in a way that helps fill the pieces of the missing puzzle to how they came to be in Norse Mythology.

CONCLUSION:

Although their relationship in the comics usually leaves fans grimacing, at least we got to have it explored. Who knows if Marvel will ever touch anything with them ever again, but at least it’s brought together a small community that continues to go strong -- and honestly, that kind of unity is what Loki & Sigyn would want.

So imagine to your hearts content! Draw that fanart! Write those fanfictions! Dress up in that cosplay! Be those characters! But just remember, you have a family here to love and support you.

SOURCES:

Sigyn’s info on Marvel Database: https://marvel.fandom.com/wiki/Sigyn_(Earth-616)

Loki’s info on Marvel Database: https://marvel.fandom.com/wiki/Loki_Laufeyson_(Earth-616)

Sigyn on Marvel Universe: http://www.marvunapp.com/Appendix/sigynthor.htm

Logyn on the Shipping Wiki: https://shipping.fandom.com/wiki/Logyn

Loki & Sigyn’s relationship through Media: https://www.alehorn.com/blogs/blog/norse-mythology-loki-and-sigyn

#logyn #loki x sigyn #loki and sigyn #Marvel Comics #Loki Laufeyson #sigyn #logyn meta #Constancy & Chaos (Logyn)#justiceforsigyn #justiceforlogyn #justiceforloki

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starshiningsirius · 4 years

Text

Affection (Yandere Floyd x reader)

Turns out @minteasketches birthday is the day before mine and I couldn't decide who I wanted to write for so I asked for a few of her favorite characters and had a draft for Floyd that would have sat. So I'll just post this on her birthday as a gift and have this be my post for my birthday too! Happy Birthday by the way you wonderful writer and artist I love your work!🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳

"I really don't like youuu~"

Floyd took a step closer towards the student with a menacing look in his eyes. Anyone who pissed him off had hell to pay for it that was for sure. He would make sure he never layed his disgusting fingers on her again.

His adorable little shrimpy that he adored so much. It was always oh so tempting to hold her close and squeeze her tight, which is what he usually did on the daily basis, but today was different. She had to spend time with another student and denied his affections promptly. After she had left him after apologizing Floyd went into depression again. His shrimpy never failed to brighten his day. Except today of course, when he didn't feel like going to club, specially not with his bad mood.

"Why does she have to spend time with someone else, can't she see I need her more." He released a sigh thinking more and more about the whole situation, her words recalling in his mind.

Then an idea popped up in his head. He could always spend time with her afterwards. She mentioned going to the library to tutor, he'd surprise her there, as soon as she was done!

He arrived there early then the supposed study session. He was actually hiding behind a bookshelf waiting for her to arrive. He noticed one student sitting their waiting impatiently. He assumed that he was the idiot who needed some help. After a little while he finally saw her arrive. It did irritate him to see her with someone else, but he knew the kind of person Y/n was and leaving someone to fail just wasn't her.

Overtime he started to see her become frustrated which wasn't like her in the slightest. She even taught the little sea otter who was beyond hope when it came to teaching him something. She was ever patient and calm the entire time. This guy managed to piss her off so easily, he had to be doing something wrong, at least that's what Floyd deduced. Seeing her so angry made him both curious and annoyed. What could he possibly have said to make her mad?

Floyd at least had a bit more constraint in him today and decided to listen in to gain some understanding.

"Hey, why do you always spend time with that eel?"

"Can you focus please?"

"Why as far as I'm concerned your hanging out with a crazy pyscho merman? He's gotta be forcing you." This student was really getting on his nerves.

He took his time away from his shrimpy, and for what to spread lies and try to pull her away from him. Not only that he placed his hand on her and she looked discomforted by it, never did she feel that way when Floyd would hug her randomly. It really didn't sit well with him, he was agitated and beyond that rage filled his system. That was never a good sign for anyone nearby.

He was about a second from taking the student and squeezing the life out of him literally. Until he saw his little shrimp stand from her seat.

"An arrogant bastard like you could never compare Floyd! He's far more sweet and lovable then you'll ever be! Don't you dare ever say shit about him!" She actually punched him across his face which surprised Floyd greatly cause the impact knocked the student out of his chair.

She immediately picked up her books and went off towards her dorm Floyd assumed, he couldn't keep his eyes off her until she exited the library. His heart was pounding faster in his chest and a smile ecstasy. Shrimpy really thought of him like that huh?

It definitely made him feel happy to learn how she felt. Maybe he should tell her he feels the same too! Ah, but Floyd still doesn't know himself what the feeling is but since Jade's so smart he'll just ask him!

He heard the groans of the student on the ground which brought him out of his thoughts. He saw the student getting back up from the floor murmuring curses and insulting his darling Shrimpy. It definitely reminded him of his rage against him for taking up her time in the first place, but now he insults her it struck a sense of bloodlust in the eel. He shouldn't do this in here though, he's sure Jade could help him get rid of any evidence too.

. . .

"Angelfish where are youuuu~?"

"Floyd-" She couldn't speak for a second cause a pair of long arms wrapped around her neck, covering her mouth, and a head nuzzled in her cheek.

"Yup~" He showed her a sharp toothed smile.

"Floyd you seem overly happy these days, has something happened?"

"Huh~ What do ya mean Shrimpy? I get to spend more time with you that always makes me happy!"

She was relieved on the inside since she tried calling him yesterday after the library incident and he didn't pick up. She called Jade too but he said his brother was doing something important for Azul, for a second there she thought she had put him in one of his bad mood swings by denying him.

Speaking of which,

"Floyd?" He wouldn't stop nuzzling her until he heard her voice calling him.

"Yeah?"

"Sorry about yesterday, I shouldn't have denied your offer, that guy was a total prick. I should have chosen you instead. If you forgive me I'll get you some candy at Sam's Shop?" She tried to offer him.

"Eh? It's fine Shrimpy but since your offering I want to get some and share it with you!" He seemed far more cheerful than the mood you left him in yesterday. Usually his mood swings would last the whole day and bargaining him with something would work even his brother didn't have control over him all the time.

It definitely felt strange in her mind but she had to dismiss it with Floyd pulling her arm in the direction of the school store.

. . .

He had brought a lot of supplies from the store more than usual. As she had asked out of curiosity he said it was a surprise. Later on the next day she found out that the surprise was making takoyaki together.

It really did surprise her, seeing Floyd be this thoughtful took her by surprise. He was more of a PDA type rather than wholesome cooking together. She did tell him once that she wanted to try it once with him,, after learning his favorite food. That was a while ago though and for him to remember such a small detail like that. She shrugged it off as nothing though and went about doing the instructions Floyd gave as they worked together in the Octanivelle kitchen.

Both of them were enjoying themselves and when it came time to heat them up he put in one last ingredient mixing with the cream color mixture. He didn't want to tell her what it was but he said it was extra special.

When it came time that it was all done he told her to open wide.

"Shrimpy come on open up~! I want you to try the first bite of this new batch so you can tell me what you think! " He looked happy and stared at her in anticipation.

The gaze had her face turning red in which she could hear the laugh of the other twin within the empty Monstro Lounge. She didn't want to keep him waiting so she did as he was told and opened her mouth.

Soon as the sphere shaped food had entered and she had chewed the taste was weird, normal savory flavor but with the taste of something she couldn't put her finger on.

It wasn't that many of the food and as soon as she finished she had another pressed to her lips. Until it was all gone did the process repeat. That's when her vision began to get hazy.

"Floyd I don't feel so well. I think I need to go to the infirmary." Her body swayed as tried standing before she could take a step her body fell over tripping on air possibly.

"Eh~ What do you mean, Angelfish? You don't need to rely on anyone else but me." He had pulled her toward his chest the warmth lulling her senses into a gentle slumber.

. . .

When she woke up she found herself in Floyd's room, the messy appearance of it familiar to her. It was strange though since she couldn't remember coming into the room or falling asleep. The taste of takoyaki though remained on her tongue and she recalled a couple of things including the so called 'special ingredient' Floyd put in a few of them that he got from Azul.

It must have put her to sleep, but why would Floyd do something like this?

When she heard the door open she looked up and saw the man in question. He was elated to finally see her awake and ran over to you quickly.

"Angelfish! Your finally up! Great that means we can play now!" One word in particular stood out to her.

"Angelfish? You usually call me Shrimpy. Floyd what's going on?" She was confused and wanted answers but it only made the eel happy.

"Oh your mine now! That little study session of yours with that annoying little crab, you defended me, it was so amazing to see you angry for me Angelfish! It made me so happy so I had to show my affection back some way."

"What do you mean?" She did not like where this was going. She had used violence which was unlike her but with Floyd's seeing it too it's not a good thing for how he would interpret it. She did like the eel of course but she might have put the life of a student in danger.

"He was trying to take my angelfish away from me, so I let him know just how much I love you! Jade said it'd be good to show you how much and you used violence so I should do the same!" He nuzzled his mouth near her neck invoking a shiver to crawl up the girl's spine as he inhaled her scent.

That guy was right about him being dangerous, but he only did want to show you his affection.

Masterlist

#twisted wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #yandere twisted wonderland #twst #yandere floyd leech #twst floyd #floyd leech #octavinelle #twisted wonderland x reader #twisted wonderland floyd

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miyalove · 4 years

Note

hi!!! i saw your requests are open :) can you write about tsukishima going on a date with the reader and splitting a strawberry shortcake with them? just overall fluff and cuteness and teasing too!! thanks dylan :)

—pairing: tsukishima x gn!reader

—warnings: swearing, name-calling, fluffy fluff!!, unedited*

—synopsis: 1.7k | a simple “hang out” leads to tsukishima defining the relationship... kinda

—a/n: you didn’t specify if you wanted headcanons or a scenario, so i’m gonna go with the latter! thank you for requesting, lara! trully you’re amazing 💞✨ + requests are open!

“so what exactly is happening, right now?” you’re eyeing the taller boy beside you. a brow quirked up in question and you can’t help but study his face. he doesn’t respond much to your words. it’s only when you tug on your side of the earbud the two of you are sharing when he finally notices you’ve stopped writing notes down.

“are you really that dense?” he cocks his head down, his infamous smirk lays on his lips and you can’t help the butterflies that erupt in your chest. you don’t say anything in return though, waiting for him to finish his thoughts.

sighing, he pushes his glasses up causing a sudden gleam to appear, “we’re studying, idiot,” he’s not looking your way anymore, “we’ve been studying for an hour by now.”

he spoke as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. and perhaps it was, however that wasn’t what you meant. shrugging, you turn your attention to out the window. it is because of your silence that tsukishima knows there’s something wrong.

but he goes back to his notes because he knows that you have known him long enough that, if you ever wanted to talk about something serious he’s all ears. you didn’t need him to reassure you that he’s there for you because at this point you should know.

he knows you’ll let it out eventually, but for know, he’ll wait until you’re ready. from his peripherals, he sees you ease back into your notes. grabbing at your lost pen that rolled across the table and opening up your textbooks.

shifting in his seat, the two of you are engulfed in a comfortable silence. only being broken when he wants to compare answers or when you want him to skip the song. another few hours pass, when the two of you decide a break is very much needed.

your back feels stiff and despite resting your head on tsukishima’s shoulder, you’re still feeling a bit unease at the sudden thought you had before. what exactly is happening right now, plays in your head like a broken record.

because to say the truth, you didn’t know. the two of you are hanging out, right? two friends just sharing notes and going over answers to their latest assignment.

then why do you have the urge to hold his slender hand in yours whenever he points out an important tidbit of information in the textbook.

if you’re just two friends hanging out then why does he suddenly lean closer to you when you talk? like he’s enchanted with every word you say. golden eyes beaming in something you know is more than just a friend feeling.

your thoughts are running wild, tsukishima being the main reason why despite having a huge exam in the upcoming week. without any thinking, your mouth is running, “kei, what is happening, right now?”

you don’t dare make eye contact. you know that if you do, your inquires will die on your tongue when your eyes meet his shining ones.

“did you hit your head? you asked me that hours ago, (y/n),” you can hear the concern wavering in his voice. even if his tone sounded obnoxious, behind that you know tsukishima kei cared for you.

why else would he want to “hang out” so often? why else would he linger his hand on your thigh when no one was looking? why else would he—

“alright, spit it out already,” you’re broken out of your thoughts at his words. when you finally look up at him, your eyes are wide and filled with panic. there’s a slight blush on your cheeks and tsukishima can’t help but to chuckle at your expression.

cute, he thinks.

despite his soft spot for you, his words remain teasing, “hurry it up, shortie. i’m thinking of ordering something and i don’t want to eat when you’re off brooding in the corner. it’s disturbing.”

at this point, he’s reading you like a book which isn’t a surprise, you’ve known that he’s quite the observant type ever since that one time you’re shitty ex broke your heart and he miraculously knew that your favorite comfort food was ice cream.

tsukishima knows everything there is to know about you, even if he won’t admit it but, here you were wishing the same thing for you. with that thought in mind, you let out a shaky sigh, catching the blonde’s attention instantly.

“are we really just ‘hanging out’, kei... i’m asking what’s happening here between the two of us.”

you’re expecting a blunt answer because that’s exactly what tsukishima is; blunt. what you don’t expect is to hear him cackle right in front of you. he’s clutching his stomach, hand covering his mouth as he tries his very best to suppress his laughter and failing miserably.

his brows are furrowed, glasses sliding down the bridge of his nose and even despite him making fun of you, you can’t help but reach out and gently slide it back into place. you can feel the heat spreading all over your face as you lean into his figure.

his laughter is suddenly dying down, golden eyes connect with yours. there’s a stillness between the two of you that you’re not willing to break. you’re scared he’s just gonna laugh in your face again if you say another word. stupid boy, your mind mocks.

unconsciously he leans into your touch and your hand slides down from his temple to hold his cheek in yours. there’s a soft smile playing at his lips and you stare praying that the image of a smiling tsukishima stays etched into your thoughts.

“that’s what all that fuss was about? what you don’t like hanging out with me?” you can’t even focus on your words because suddenly your hand is on fire with the way he slowly moves to rest his hand on top of yours. his voice dies down with the sudden tenderness that’s being displayed between the two of you.

this is a game to him. that’s evident from the lasting smug grin he’s still wearing. finally getting some sense back into you, you decide two can play this game.

“what if i say no?”

his eyes narrow at your words. there you were again, the confident teasing person that he’s liked for a while now. he hates when you get all quiet and moody. the only way he knows how to snap you back into reality was, no shocker there, teasing you until you let it all out.

“then i guess we just have to stop hanging out then. that’s too bad,” he feigns a pout. you can’t help but roll your eyes at his mock sadness. wanting to snap back at him, you point an accusing finger in his way.

with sharp words on the tip of your tongue, you’re caught off guard when a third party joins on to your banter, “here’s your shortcake, sir!” staring at the women standing before you, she smiles.

“thanks,” and with that she give kei a small bow before backing away.

immediately, tsukishima is digging into the sweet treat. picking at the whipped cream and catching a strawberry slice in his fork, he guides it to his mouth. you can’t help but eye the savory slice of cake right in front of you. the threat you were about to cry out is suddenly forgotten.

“you look awfully hungry over there, (y/n),” he slices into the cake, frosting sipping down on the plate before bitting down on the fork once more.

your eyes never leave the treat, “when did you order that?”

“when you were being all weird about us ‘hanging out’,” he picks off another piece, and your mouth is practically watering at how delicious the fluffy cake looks.

“tell me you like hanging out with me and maybe i’ll consider giving you some. sound like a deal, shortie?”

there are two outcomes; the first one being that you do admit that you like hanging out with him and he ends up being true to his words or he just wants you to fuel his ego. as you think the options through, the blonde doesn’t let up on his chomping besides you.

with each bite, the tasty treat gets smaller and smaller until—

“fine, i like hanging out with you. happy?” he chuckles, passing you a spare fork that he somehow just had. had he asked the waitress for another while you weren’t paying attention again?

“extremely, actually.”

the two of you pick at the mouthwatering cake until eventually there is but one bit left. there’s a sudden tension as the two of you both notice the situation you’re in. one bite left... however two mouths crave the sweet sensation of the airy treat on their tongue.

without hesitation, you’re both diving in fork first. a battle the two of you often have is who gets the last bite especially when it comes to shortcakes as you both share a common love for the creamy dessert.

you’re competitive side pops out when you end up stabbing the whipped covered treat on your metal prongs. you cheer, waving your fork in the air making sure to rub your victory right in the blonde’s cute, stupid face.

“yanno, i’m kind of peeved you agreed this was just a ‘hang out’. i like the sound of date better,” one word, four letters and suddenly you’ve forgotten all about your boisterous cheering.

you feel stunted. unable to move because did tsukishima just admit to liking you? the tsukishima kei? the same guy that randomly decides to have you “fend for yourself” at parties because he just wants to leave? that tsukishima?

snapping your head at his taller figure. that familiar heat is on your face again and you just know, you look like a cherried fool.

taking advantage of your stiffness, tsukishima dives head first for your fork that lies limp in the air. swiftly chomping on the last bit of shortcake, he doesn’t bother checking up on you as he enjoys the delight.

it takes you exactly two seconds to realize what just happened. it takes you three to actually say something.

“goddamn it, tsukishima kei. i absolutely despise you.” you scowl at his victorious grin. not knowing weather you want to wipe that smug little smile off with your fist or lips.

“then why do you want this to be a date so bad if you do, hhm?”

“i— shut up, tsukki!”

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mysticmachmir · 4 years

Text

Tarot Through a Jewish Lens (Part I)

Is Tarot Jewish?

No. Tarot was not a Jewish creation and nor does it come from Kabbalah. When Waite made his famous RWS deck, he was a Christian occultist/magician and part of the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn and also formed his own Fellowship of the Rosy Cross. He was a Catholic involved in 'western esotericism' and fell under the learnings of Eliphas Levi. Eliphas Levi was not a Jewish man. He was a French gentile occultist who changed his name from Alphonse Louis Constant to Éliphas Lévi Zahed -- why? He wanted his magical works to sound more authentically exotic (aka, Jewish) because he appropriated from Jewish mysticism and skewed it for his own wants. He believed that Kabbalah was the "linking factor between the Old Testament and the New Testament", and that is rooted in Christian supersessionism, a violent ideology that has resulted in many murders of the Jewish people. Another example is the french occultist, Court de Gébelin, who claimed that the Major Arcana were numbered to correspond to the 22 letters in both the Egyptian and Hebrew alphabets. It didn’t seem to trouble him that at the time different versions of the deck that was in circulation sometimes had more than and sometimes less than 22 Major Arcana cards. Or that ancient Egyptians didn’t use an alphabet.

So no. Tarot was created as a playing card game, sprung up in Italy, Germany, and France. It was not intended for 'occult' use until much later. And still, in no way shape or form, was it ever Jewish in origin. In the Torah, besides certain kinds of divination/tools, divination is forbidden and Tarot is considered avodah zarah (idolatry) because it is a non-Jewish practice.

Now I'm sure you're asking: Well you read tarot, why are you telling me this? Aren't you incriminating yourself? I'm telling you because I want to stress and push back against cultural appropriation and Christian supersessionism that is rooted in these beliefs, and I want to make it clear that the relationship between a Jew, halacha, and G!d is on them - but to not fool oneself claiming a non-Jewish practice is actually Jewish. That, I think, is more ludicrous than just using tarot.

Alright, now onto the fun parts and what you are here for.

My Jewish Theology with Tarot

So, this is all my personal theology which obviously you do not have to share. I am Jewish and practice religious Judaism. I believe that there is only one G!d, Hashem, and that They are everywhere and in everything. In academic terms, I am a monotheistic panentheist. This aligns with a lot of Jewish mysticism, especially Chassidus, and consider myself a crossover between the Conservative Jewish denomination and Renewal, with a solid base in the American Neo-Hasidic movement . (Conservative =/= political right-wing in the Jewish movements). I deeply respect Jewish traditions, halacha, and have put a lot of thought in what I believe and how it relates to tarot. There will be of course Jews who disagree with me, but I'm not here to dwell on that. When I read tarot, I am not asking the cards to tell me the answer I am seeking - the cards are a tool, an object, and do not possess spirits of their own. I am asking G!d. Now, angels won't interfere, but sheydim (demons) can. I will talk about protections/rituals one can use to avoid sheydim meddling later. As for questions like: How does one ethically divine? How much power do interpreters have? Does G!d plan everything? Do we have free will when it comes to our future? Let’s look to source texts. “All is foreseen, but free will is given.” —Rabbi Akiva, Pirke Avot 3:15 "Rabbi Bena’a: There were twenty-four interpreters of dreams in Jerusalem. One time, I dreamed a dream and went to each of them to interpret it. What one interpreted for me the other did not interpret for me, and, nevertheless, all of the interpretations were realized in me, to fulfill that which is stated: All dreams follow the mouth of the interpreter." —Berakhot 55b "The Gemara asks: But doesn’t Rav say that any divination that is not like the divination of Eliezer, the servant of Abraham, when he went to seek a bride for Isaac (see Genesis 24:14), or like the divination of Jonathan, son of Saul, who sought an omen as to whether he and his arms bearer would defeat the Philistines (see I Samuel 14:8–12), is not divination? Since Rav did not rely on the omen in his decision making, he did not violate the prohibition against divination, and there was no reason for him to penalize himself." —Chullin 95b "What is a diviner? One who takes his stick in hand and says, (as though he were consulting it), “Shall I go, or shall I not go?” So does it state, (Hoshea 4:12) “My people ask counsel of their stick, and their staff declareth unto them” (Sifrei Devarim 171:6). (3) מעונן — Rabbi Akiba said, Such are people who assign times (עונות plural of עונה “period”, “time”) — who say, “This time is auspicious to begin some work”; the Sages, however, say, It refers to those “who hold your eyes under control” (who delude by optical deception; they connect מעונן with עין “eye”) (Sifrei Devarim 171:9)." —Rashi on Devarim 18:10-12 "... here he does not rely on the אות which he had stipulated, but where he asked G’d in prayer for help, saying that if certain things were to happen he would regard this as a sign that his prayer had been answered favorably (compare Ibn Ezra there). When the Talmud Chulin 95 כל נחש שאינו כאליעזר עבד אברהם ויהונתן בן שאול אינו נחש, the meaning is that “any divination which is not like that of Eliezer or that of Yonatan ben Sha-ul is not a divination,” i.e. is not permissible, but is akin to relying on witchcraft [Unless the person requesting a sign does so as a prayer directed to G’d it is forbidden. Ed.]" —Sforno on Beresheit 24:14 “The true power of the tarot lies in its ability to channel a clear path for our deep intuition to shine through. Consulting the tarot can help clear creativity blockages, clarify ambitions, work through complex decisions, and make sense of emotions and relationships.” —Holistic Tarot, Benebell Wen

In my interpretation of these quotes, I gather a few things:

1. In Jewish thought, dreams are 1/60th prophecy. However, dreams follow the mouth, i.e. interpretations. Multiple interpretations can be true. Being a confident and learned interpreter is important. While I did not quote it, the sages also advise the one should pay your interpreters fairly.

2. Hashem has given humans free will, so we can make our own choices. That is unique to us as beings, unlike angels. G!d already knows the possible outcomes.

3. It is not divination to notice and realize patterns or answers as long as you do not use it as an omen to change immediate course - examples the sages mention in specific are "a piece of bread falls from your mouth, so you decide not to walk to the lake", i.e, seeking 'signs' and omens randomly to direct your life.

4. Rashi's explanation of what a diviner and sorcerer are, compiled from different Jewish texts. Now, I am not here to say "and this is proof Judaism and halacha are actually fine with divination!" Nope, in Bamidbar 23:23, it is very clear that Jews are told to get what they need from prophets or G!d themself, and do not need augury. What I am arguing here is that by these specifications, and connecting to my final point of what tarot actually is, tarot may not fall under that category depending on how you use it.

5. I wanted to highlight Sforno's commentary here because the way I read tarot is via prayer. Tarot is a tool, and when I begin a reading, I am not asking the cards, I am asking Hashem to use these cards as a sign and communication.

6. Finally, I quoted Benebell Wen because of her poignant understanding of how tarot is less about "fortune-telling" and more about a creative psycho-spiritual exercise for intuition and is more like a mirror to our subconscious telling us what is true. Fusing this with the ideas above, this is my short rundown of how I see and view Tarot: Tarot is a prayerful, spiritual tool as a way I can interpret and communicate from G!d, and I understand the cards themselves are not going to tell the future. Tarot is a mirror for the subconscious and a way for us to work through things we do not feel we can do on our own, be'ezrat Hashem (with the help of G!d).

Jewish Tarot Spreads

As I don't want to just post photos, I am instead going to include links to the tarot spreads I have found, to their origins so you can know the creator!The Archangel Spread The Divine Threads Spread Wisdom of the Hebrew Priestess Spread Vessel, Offering, Ally Spread Do Not Play It Small Spread Rooting and Releasing Spread

Jewish Tarot and Oracle Decks

Eht/Aht Netivot Oracle Deck

Tu B’shevat Oracle Deck

Moon Angels Oracle Deck

Malakhim Meditative Cards

Raziel Tarot Deck (Out of Print)

Jewish Tarot (Never Printed, Can See All Cards Virtually)

72 Names Deck

Tokens of Light Deck

King Solomon Deck

Revealed by the Letters Deck

Cleansing and Protection

So, of course, this is so dependent on what you think is most important for you, as it is your practice. However, I will share what I do.

When it comes to doing readings, I have a very specific ritual. First, I light incense or a candle depending on what I feel like doing at the time. This is something I am still working on and trying what fits best for me and my cards. I will use incense smoke to cleanse cards or the "knocking" card trick. Then, I say two prayers - I recite the blessing:

"Blessed are you G!d, Ruler of the Universe, who opens the eyes of the blind. The reason is because of the allegory that intuition and divination are connecting to a special type of sight. Then, in the case of the concern with sheydim messing with the reading, I have decided to use the protective angel prayer:

"In the name of the Lord, G!d of Israel:

May the angel Michael be at my right side,

and at my left side, Gabriel,

before me Uriel, behind me Raphael,

and above my head, Shekhinat El, G!d's presence." This is traditionally recited at night, but I felt it was just as appropriate to call on these angels for protection. Plus, Uriel is associated with illumination and is a useful presence to have during these readings. In Jewish gemology, lapis lazuli is good for bringing understanding and grounding intuition, so I use that gemstone as well while I read. Eventually, I'd like to also get an onyx as it is associated with enlightenment and wisdom in Jewish gemology. I also use a tarot cloth with a hamsa and have a protective amulet pendant.

Finally, when I shuffle my cards, I sing a very specific phrase - the "ein od milvado" from Kohelet 1:2, in a tune that puts me into a meditative headspace - and I shuffle with my eyes closed, only stopping when I feel it is right to do so. I also use a kabbalistic meditation technique to allow the divine flow (shefa) from G!d's light flow through the crown of my head.

If you liked this work and information, consider tipping me at: https://ko-fi.com/ezrasaville!

Sources (I will post this in every post of this series): Sefaria Chabad Tarot and the Gates of Light by Mark Horn Torah, Tarot, and Tantra by William Blank The Jewish Dream Book by Vanessa Ochs Magic of the Ordinary by R. Gershon Winkler Tarot Wisdom by Rachel Pollack The Wisdom in the Hebrew Alphabet by R. Michael Munk The Encyclopedia of Jewish Magic, Myth, and Mysticism by R. Geoffrey Dennis https://www.telshemesh.org/ https://hsastrology.weebly.com/hebrew-zodiac-signs.html https://ohr.edu/this_week/ask_the_rabbi/2394 https://www.gatesoflighttarot.com/ http://www.devotaj.com/ http://www.peelapom.com/

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flowerfan2 · 6 years

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Conduct Unbecoming

McDanno, M (for themes), 5200 words, A03

Steve confesses something to Danny that he's afraid will change their relationship forever. But he can't keep quiet any longer about what happened back at school, not when the perpetrator is about to be put into an even greater position of power.

Important note: This story was inspired by several recent news stories, and a podcast where author Roxane Gay addressed the dilemma surrounding how to react when a loved one tells you they have done something difficult to forgive (in that case, rape). Steve’s misconduct in this story is not of the same magnitude as the crime that was the subject of that discussion, but it does raise some very significant (and possibly triggering) issues. Contact me if you want to know more before reading.

****************

Conduct Unbecoming

Steve leans against the counter and tries to hold it together for just a little bit longer. Despite the ridiculously long day they’d had, on top of a ridiculously busy week, Danny is fairly chipper as he bustles around Steve’s kitchen, rambling on about marsala and mushrooms and some other recipe related trivia that Steve isn’t really listening to. Danny looks good - stubble dusting his chin, the top few buttons of his shirt undone, his hands flying as he talks a mile a minute. Steve can’t bring himself to interrupt just yet.

“Hey, babe, you with me?” Danny has finally come to a stop, one hip jutted out and a concerned look on his face, spoon dangling from his hand.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m okay.”

Danny doesn’t buy it, moving in closer and squinting at Steve. “I admit I don’t really have a name for that face. But it doesn’t look good.” He bumps his shoulder against Steve’s. “Sit down and tell me about it.”

“After dinner.”

Danny shrugs, and moves to pour them each a glass of red wine. “Whatever you say.” He turns back to the stove, and starts up his prattle again, trying to get them back into a more familiar Friday night rhythm. Steve has to give him kudos for trying.

When the food is eaten and the dishes cleaned and stowed, Danny grabs two beers and walks outside. Steve trails him down to the chairs by the water, and they clink their bottles together as they sit down.

“All right, spill,” Danny says after a few minutes. “And don’t tell me nothing’s wrong, you look like you’re afraid Cujo is going to come up out of the ocean and bite your head off.”

“Cujo’s a dog,” Steve replies, trying to hang on to a few more moments of normalcy.

“Okay, a Kraken or something. Leviathan, whatever. Quit stalling and spit it out. You’re making me nervous. We’ve only been doing this for a few months, I can’t have screwed it up that bad yet.”

Steve grimaces. He wasn’t breaking up with Danny, far from it. Nothing has made him happier then Danny finally agreeing to give them a go as a romantic couple, after dancing around it for so long. Steve only hopes Danny won’t feel differently when the night is over.

Steve reaches out to take Danny’s hand and squeezes it. “Don’t be nervous. It’s not anything like that.”

Danny nods and turns Steve’s hand in his own, shifting until he can twine their fingers together. “Whatever’s eating you, Steve, you can tell me.”

“I know,” Steve says softly. “I just don’t want to.”

“Come on, big guy. I know talking about your feelings is hard for you, but you can do it.” Danny gives him a fond look, and scoots closer, leaning forward. “I’ve got your back, Steve. Whatever it is.”

Steve takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “I can’t go to Charlie’s soccer game with you guys tomorrow morning.”

Danny raises an eyebrow. “Not really that big a deal, but okay, I can work with that-”

“Because I’ve got a meeting at the base at 9 a.m. And afterwards, I might not be in the Navy anymore.”

Danny gives him an appraising look, with a hint of apprehension. “You feeling your age, buddy? What have we said about making retirement decisions without consulting each other, huh? Wait - you’re not sick again, are you? You just had a check-up, there wasn’t any sign of radiation damage…”

“I’m not talking honorable discharge.”

Crickets would have been a welcome sound in the depth of the resulting silence.

Danny sits up a little straighter, and rubs a hand over his face. “Steve, you want to give me a little more to go on, here?”

“I lied during an investigation.”

Danny considers this, and Steve knows what’s running through his head – they’ve managed to bluff their way through so many questionable tactics - perps somehow dangling off of buildings, inexplicably thrown in shark tanks, clumsily falling down stairs. “Steve, we-”

“Not with Five-0. In college. A midshipman was sexually assaulted, and I said I didn’t see it.”

Even in the golden light of the sunset, Danny’s face goes pale. He lets go of Steve’s hand (don’t flinch, Steve thinks, it’s just the beginning) and sits back in his chair.

“Tell me about it from the beginning, Steve.” Danny’s voice is suddenly cold, and Steve doesn’t know what else he was expecting. “All of it.”

Steve dives in. It’s time. “It was winter, my first year. It had been a rough few weeks. There was an ongoing exercise where the plebes were grouped together randomly and pitted against each other in skills tests, speed, agility, marksmanship. One of the smaller guys, Kevin Nathan, was falling behind, and his team didn’t do what they should have to support him. They got reamed out, disqualified, for failing to work together.” Steve paused, unable to look at Danny as he continued, instead staring out over the darkening waves.

“That night the rest of Nathan’s team cornered him in the locker room and assaulted him. I was in the pool, lost in my own head doing laps, but I heard something when I came up for a break. Sound was all wonky in there, though, and it took me a few minutes to figure out where it was coming from. By the time I found the spot, everyone had scattered.”

“The next day Nathan was gone. A few days later, a rumor spread that he was claiming that one of the guys, Tom Clark, had raped him. Next thing you know there was an investigation, complete with the insinuation that Nathan was probably gay, and if so, there wasn’t much anyone could have done to protect him.”

Steve glanced over at Danny, who was hanging his head down in his hands. When Steve didn’t go on, Danny finally looked up.

“You said you lied. How?” Danny asked, his voice rough.

“The guys who did it claimed they hadn’t been anywhere near the pool or the locker room. I had signed in when I went to swim, so they asked me if I saw anything. I said I didn’t.”

Steve remembered the interview, sitting in an uncomfortable chair, men in uniforms running through a rote list of questions and sending him on his way. He remembered waiting for them to ask if he heard anything, if he had any reason to think that something had happened there that night, if he had any reason to believe Nathan’s allegations, but the questions never came. Just “did you see anything?” and then “thank you for your time, Midshipman.”

“You didn’t tell them what you heard,” Danny says flatly.

“No.”

Danny stands up and starts pacing, his bare feet hardly making a sound in the sand. “Why now, Steve? Why are you telling me this now? Oh wait, yeah, because you’re about to go fall on your sword, seek absolution from the military gods. What brought on this crisis of conscience?”

There’s a straight answer for Danny’s question, unfortunately, and it isn’t just that Steve finally decided to do the right thing. “Clark, the one who Nathan said raped him, he’s up for an ambassadorship. I can’t let it happen.”

“But up until now, it’s been just dandy? You had no problem with this, this monster doing whatever he’s been doing all this time?” Danny spits out his words. “What has he been doing, huh?”

“He’s been stationed in South Korea.”

Danny looks like he’s about to explode when Steve fails to give any more detail. “I’m sure the rest is classified, so I’ll have to just imagine. I bet he’s been busy spreading tolerance and goodwill everywhere, except when he’s tormenting subordinates and assaulting anyone who’s the least bit different than what he deems acceptable.”

“I’m so sorry, Danny,” Steve says. “I’m so sorry.”

“You’re sorry – you’re saying sorry to me? What have you done to me? What about to that kid? To all the kids that monster has hurt, huh, what about them?”

“I know.” Steve struggles up out of his chair, his legs barely supporting him, and takes a tentative step towards Danny. “That’s why I’m turning myself in.”

Danny locks eyes with Steve, and suddenly the full meaning of what might happen tomorrow seems to take the wind out of him. For a brief moment, Steve thinks Danny might fold himself around him, take Steve in his arms and tell him everything is going to be okay.

But instead Danny turns on his heel and walks away, waving one arm up in the air. “I gotta go. I just…”

Danny disappears into the house, presumably to get his shoes, and a minute later he backs the Camaro out of Steve’s driveway and takes off down the road with a squeal of his tires. Leaving Steve alone, just like he deserves.

It takes Steve a few minutes to realize that he is now sitting on the sand, the cold seeping into his skin through the seat of his pants. He isn’t surprised by Danny’s reaction, not really. He had half expected Danny to slug him, to pull back and just beat the crap out of him. He had kind of hoped he would.

Instead Steve saw that look on Danny’s face, disgust and horror and raw pain, with nothing else to focus on but the sure knowledge that he was going to lose Danny over this. And he couldn’t even blame him.

It wasn’t as if Steve didn’t know Danny’s views on the issue. Steve felt the same way, as ironic and pointless as it was to think that, under the circumstances. Crimes are crimes, no matter how old you are, and being a teenager isn’t an excuse.

Just a few weeks ago Five-0 was all out for drinks to celebrate the end to a particularly tricky case when they had overheard some guy ranting about how a drunk mistake by a teenager shouldn’t ruin his whole life, that the asshole politician who had just been accused of raping a girl back in high school didn’t deserve to be punished for “one bad decision.” Junior and Tani had jumped up to rip the guy a new one, and Danny had nodded along, proud of their rookies for not putting up with that kind of warped bullshit.

This isn’t complicated stuff. They all know right from wrong. Assault is wrong, sexual assault is horribly wrong, homophobic hate crimes in the military are, unquestionably, wrong. And failing to speak up in the face of these things is the act of a coward, let alone conduct unbecoming an officer.

Steve wakes up some time later, sprawled out on the sand, chilled to the bone. Even in Hawaii, it can get cold at night. He wonders if he’ll ever have another night with Danny, curled up in bed together, laughing and kissing and laughing some more. He’s never had so much fun with another person, in or out of bed. He’s never had so much to lose.

Steve drags himself into the house and collapses on the couch until the sun comes up, then forces himself to shower and dress. He considers putting on his uniform, but it feels wrong to seek its comfort given the story he has to tell. Instead he pulls on ordinary clothes, a short sleeve shirt and cargo pants, and tries not to throw up when he sees his face staring back at him in the bathroom mirror.

At eight o’clock, he squares his shoulders and opens the door, nearly crashing into Danny, who is standing outside on the porch, coffee in his hand.

“Drink this, and get in the car,” Danny says. His eyes meet Steve’s briefly, and Steve can tell that for all his bravado, Danny didn’t sleep much last night either. It’s one more ache on top of a mile high pile of them.

But Danny strides down the path and Steve can do nothing but follow him. There’s a moment of confusion when they get to the Camaro, both of them heading for the passenger seat.

“What, all of a sudden you don’t want to drive? Have I got to do all the work here?” Danny is trying to keep his voice light, Steve can tell, but Steve’s mind is still spinning. He can’t process the fact that Danny is here, he doesn’t know whether to be happy or to give in to the panic threatening to overwhelm him.

Danny finally huffs out a sigh and gets into the driver’s seat when Steve stays frozen in place. He’s just glad Danny didn’t throw the keys at him, he probably would have just stared as they fell to the ground.

“Come on, zip zip, we’re not getting any younger,” Danny says, waving at Steve until he gets into the car. “Might run into traffic on the way to the base,” Danny mumbles as he backs out of the driveway. “Not like anyone here even knows what traffic is. Come to New Jersey, check out the George Washington Bridge, you’ll see some real traffic.”

It’s a classic Danny rant, one of his older ones, and it gives Steve a glimmer of hope. But then he remembers where they’re going, and he wonders if Danny showed up to make sure he actually went through with it.

“Couldn’t trust me to do this myself, could you,” Steve says.

Danny shoots a sharp look at Steve, and then flings his arm out to punch him in the arm. Hard. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

Steve rubs his arm, and quickly forces himself to reevaluate the situation. Danny’s alternating between glaring at him and the road, and Steve’s eyes take in his closely shaven face, carefully styled hair, perfect tie…

“Your tie,” Steve starts, earning himself a wide eyed look on top of the glare.

“Yes, I’m wearing a tie. You can’t possibly object to this tie, Steven. You gave it to me yourself.”

Steve was charged with getting Danny a gag gift last Christmas for the Five-0 party, and he followed through, more or less, with a tie adorned with Danny’s least favorite fruit. But it’s made out of fine silk, tiny delicate gold pineapples on a soft blue background, and Steve could tell by the way had Danny stroked it and tried to hide his smile that he had done well.

“I did get it for you, didn’t I?” Steve says, in wonderment. Danny is dressed up, for him, for this horrid, sickening day.

But he still doesn’t understand. If anything, he’s even more confused. “Why,” Steve’s voice cracks and he starts over. “Why are you here?”

Danny shifts and Steve thinks he’s going to smack him again, but it doesn’t happen. Instead Danny reaches for Steve, his hand landing on Steve’s arm, and he sort of pets him awkwardly before putting his hand back on the steering wheel.

“I could ask myself the same question,” Danny says. “I did, more or less, for a good number of hours last night. But in the end, I kept winding up in the same place. No matter what you did, Steve, no matter what you do, I’m with you. I may be angry, and upset, and fucking confused as hell, but I’m still with you.”

Steve’s heart feels like it’s going to beat out of his chest. “It’s that simple?”

“Didn’t say it was simple. But that’s how it is.”

When they get to the base, Steve expects Danny to drop him off, but he doesn’t. Instead Danny gets out of the car and walks inside with Steve, doing what he always tends to do when faced with Steve’s military background, and acts as if he’s not intimidated in the least. There have been times when Danny’s behavior exasperated Steve, when he wished that Danny could show military officers the respect they deserved. But today, when Steve feels like he’s a dead man walking, when he’s about to dig into the military’s stained and dirty laundry, Danny’s civilian stubbornness is a comfort.

Danny accepts an invitation to wait while Steve goes in to his meeting – it’s not Tripler, where they can hold each other’s hands while put-upon nurses fuss over them. Steve has to do this himself. But knowing he has Danny at his back, well, it’s pretty amazing. It gives him just a little boost of confidence, the thought that if Danny hasn’t abandoned him, maybe there will be something worth salvaging of himself when all is said and done.

Almost three hours later, when Steve finally makes it back to the lobby, Danny is still sitting there. He doesn’t complain about how long it took, or how bored he’s been, he just jumps up out of his seat and walks at Steve’s side back to the car.

It’s not until they’ve left the base and pulled on to the highway that Danny’s shoulders relax. Steve knows there wasn’t much chance of the Navy actually detaining him, but he’s still as relieved as Danny seems to be that he’s back on familiar turf, riding along in the Camaro like it’s just an ordinary day.

Steve waits for Danny to ask him how it went, but he doesn’t, just reaches over and gives Steve’s hand a squeeze. Steve grabs on tight and doesn’t let go.

He realizes he must have dozed off when the car pulls to a stop. They’re in front of Rachel’s new house, a modest ranch with a pretty yard. “Danny…?”

“We missed Charlie’s soccer game, so I figured we’d stop by and say hello.”

It seems like a weird time for a visit, but Steve can’t bring himself to question it. Steve feels like he’s in a daze as they get out of the car, Charlie running out of the house to fling himself at Danny. Danny lifts his son in the air and then tucks him against his hip as Rachel ushers them inside.

“Take this guy for a sec while I compare calendars with Rachel, okay? We’ve got to figure out logistics for Grace’s cheer retreat, there’s a thorny carpool issue that needs my attention.” Steve doesn’t really register what Danny is saying, but then he’s got his arms full of a squirming five-year old and he’s forced to focus.

“Uncle Steve, I scored a goal today! It was awesome! But I fell and got a scratch, wanna see?” Charlie slides out of Steve’s arms and flops down on the floor, pointing to his leg. He’s still wearing his cute little red soccer t-shirt with the name of his team and their sponsor on it (My Café, a truly awesome breakfast spot in Kapolei), but his long socks have been pushed down to reveal a couple of red marks.

“Looks like it hurts, buddy. How’d that happen?” Steve sits down next to him and is regaled with the story of Briana and Kai and how the ball somehow rolled right between them towards the goal and would have gone in except for how Charlie dived and caught it with his hands.

“But I wasn’t ‘posed to use my hands, ‘cause it wasn’t my turn to be keeper. But Kai said I did good anyway and gave me a high five.” Charlie raises his hand over his head to demonstrate, and Steve gives him a high five. This leaves Charlie completely open to tickling, which Charlie is clearly anticipating, so before long they are rolling on the ground together, Charlie laughing uncontrollably as he pokes his little fingers into Steve’s stomach.

“Whew, I’m tired,” Charlie finally exclaims dramatically. “And hungry. Mom said she’d bring us a snack soon. Wanna read books while we wait?”

“Sure, pal.” Steve marvels a bit at the boy’s ability to manage him. He’s already so much like Danny. Charlie dashes across the room to retrieve a handful of books and then climbs into Steve’s lap. “Okay, go.”

Charlie hands Steve a book about sharks, and Steve makes comfortable, still on the floor, but with his back against an armchair. Charlie leans his head against Steve’s shoulder, a warm weight against his chest. His soft blond hair tickles Steve’s nose as he drags his finger across the pages of the book, outlining the pictures he likes most.

They’re reading about how many teeth sharks have and comparing them to how many Charlie has in his own mouth, and whether Charlie will have as many teeth as a shark when he’s all grown up, when Rachel comes in and sets a tray of cheese and fruit on the table.

Danny follows her and sits down on the couch, a fond expression on his face as he meets Steve’s eyes.

“You want to take over?” Steve asks quietly, but Charlie shakes his head firmly.

“Nuh-uh. I like reading with you, Uncle Steve. Keep going.” Charlie snuggles closer in Steve’s arms.

Steve feels tears well up in his eyes. Charlie is all that is good and sweet in the world, and he trusts Steve to look after him. He’s not sure he should be allowed to do that anymore, but Danny clearly wants him to believe differently.

Soon the little boy is asleep, and Rachel takes him back to his room. Danny slides a napkin full of cheese slices and small rounds of bread towards Steve, along with a glass of juice Steve hadn’t even noticed. Steve eats quickly, his hand shaking as he lifts the glass. He hadn’t even realized he was hungry.

“Charlie loves you, you know,” Danny says quietly as they head back out to the car. “So does Grace.”

Steve knows what Danny’s doing, knows he’s trying to make him see the good in himself. He wouldn’t have thought it would help, but it does. Danny’s sweet little boy is a powerful force, like Danny himself.

Back on the highway, Danny has apparently decided that Steve is fortified enough to talk about what happened.

“All right, fill me in.”

Steve knows he’s not asking about the gossip from Charlie’s soccer game. Another time, he might have pretended to misunderstand, work Danny up into a little friendly banter. But not today. “They weren’t surprised when I told them about Clark.”

“What? What do you mean, they weren’t surprised?” Danny almost swerves, cursing to himself as he eases his foot off the pedal to slide into the right lane.

“Apparently there have been other accusations.”

“And yet he’s still being considered for-” Danny’s voice drips with disbelief.

“Yup.” Steve lets this sink in. He’s still not sure it’s registering properly in his own mind, the knowledge that these types of allegations mean so little. It’s upsetting on so many levels. He knows the military has its faults, isn’t perfect by far, but he hates to believe that a man like Clark would be allowed to continue in his position once his superiors became aware of his misconduct.

In fact, as the meeting this morning had gone on, Steve had just become more confident that he was doing the right thing. And he didn’t want it to get covered up any longer. He was still trying to figure out how to best approach it, but there was one move that seemed like a potential next step. “I told them I’d go public with it, if nothing was done.”

Danny lets out a low whistle. “Damn. That’s bold, babe.”

Steve thinks Danny sounds proud of him for being willing to expose himself to the world on this, but it’s not just him that would be at risk. Going public would also inevitably reveal the victim’s identity, even if Steve tried to keep it quiet. Nathan might not welcome that kind of attention, especially after all this time. “I think I’d have to ask Nathan first, though.”

Danny doesn’t respond, and Steve is suddenly scared that he screwed up. “Do you think I shouldn’t talk to Nathan? Is that a bad idea? Should I not go public?”

“Maybe? I don’t know. Would it help him to have this on the news, on the internet and everywhere else? Or would it just be to make yourself feel better?” Danny glances at Steve. “Sorry – I don’t mean to -- I don’t have a clue how to do this, Steve. This is above my pay scale. But there must be people who know, who’ve thought it through. I think you’ve got to talk to someone.”

“Like a counselor?” Steve’s had the same thought.

“Yeah, among other people. I contacted my guy, the one I talked to after the liver thing, to see if he could refer you to someone.” Danny pauses. “I didn’t say too much, promise, just the general gist. You’re not mad, are you?”

Steve chokes out a sound. “Mad? How the hell would I have any right to be mad?”

“I dunno, this isn’t my business, you don’t like therapy, I should butt out, I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing, god, any number of reasons.”

Steve parses this, tries to figure out how to respond. He knew this would take a toll on Danny, he just didn’t anticipate him trying to share Steve’s burdens, too. He should have known better. “You’re doing fine, Danno. More than fine. I’m – I’m so grateful, you can’t even imagine.”

Danny relaxes. “Okay. Good. Just, well, tell me if I cross a line, okay?”

Steve nods, and they drive on. Steve can see Danny formulating another question. “So, um, what’s gonna happen with you?”

“Not sure yet.”

Danny raises an eyebrow at him, and Steve sighs. “They didn’t seem to know what to do with me. Kept saying it was over twenty years ago, and I was just a kid, and I didn’t do anything that any kid wouldn’t have done. Tried to blame whoever did the investigation.”

“That doesn’t sound right.”

“No, it doesn’t. It isn’t. I had obligations as a midshipman, I was part of the Navy even then.”

“This doesn’t give me warm feelings about the military, you know that.”

“I know. For what it’s worth, it’s not over… it’ll go through the process, I have an appointment with an investigator next week.”

“But you’re probably still going to be a sailor, right?”

Steve clenches his fists together, lets himself say the words he’s been thinking all morning. “Unless I leave.”

“Is that something you’re considering?”

“Yeah. After all this… yeah.” He leans his head back and lets out a long sigh, wishing he could just close his eyes and make it all go away. “By the way, I’m meeting the governor tonight. Face to face. Figured I’d better keep him in the loop.”

Danny shoots a look at him. “You’re not gonna lose your job, Steve. Especially not if the military doesn’t even care about it.”

Steve shrugs. “We’ll see.” He wishes he could be more certain about it. Next to losing Danny, losing Five-0 wouldn’t compare, but it would still hurt.

They finally get to Steve’s house. Danny climbs out of the car and stretches his arms up in the air, his back muscles rippling under his thin shirt. “I think Charlie had the right idea.”

“What’s that?” Steve asks, walking up the path and unlocking the front door. It feels like it was years ago that he came outside and found Danny there, ready to stand by him through this awful day.

“Naps,” Danny says, his voice light. “We should take a nap. You’ll be in better shape to talk to the governor later.”

This sounds like a fantastic idea. “I couldn’t agree more.”

They drag themselves up the stairs and both strip down to their shorts. Danny slides under the covers first and holds an arm out for Steve.

“Come here, you.”

Steve obeys, his breath catching as he digs his head into the side of Danny’s neck. “Thank you. Thank you for still being here.” Steve can hardly believe that Danny is welcoming him back into his arms, his bed. His life.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Danny says softly.

Steve lets himself sink into Danny, breathe in his scent, feel his strong body wrapped around his own. He wants to hold on to this feeling, the reassurance and safety of his lover’s embrace, but Steve can’t quite relax yet.

“How can you forgive me for this?” Steve finally asks, his words whispered into Danny’s skin. Because as much as Danny said yesterday that he wasn’t the one Steve needed to apologize to, Steve knows better. Steve’s not who Danny thought he was. Even after all they’ve been through together, too many near-death experiences and demonstrations of loyalty to count, Steve hid this from him.

Danny wraps a strong hand around the back of Steve’s neck, fingers threading up into his hair, and shifts until he can meet Steve’s gaze. “I love you, that’s how. Love you like crazy, and I’m not willing to give that up. You’ve got some work to do, I think. But we’re gonna get through it, you and me. ”

“How can I fix it, though? I can’t go back.”

“Yeah, that’s why you move forward. Do something to address the kind of mindset that let that attack happen in the first place. We’ll figure out how – talk to advocates, support groups, I don’t know. You’ve got the kind of reputation, the rank, to get people to listen. If you’re willing to try.”

“I am. Whatever it takes.” He’s not sure this kind of thing can be fixed, not easily, but Danny’s right – he’s got to try.

“Good.” Danny shifts, curling closer around Steve, his hand shifting to stroke his cheek. “I know you, Steve. I know what’s in your heart. You’re a good man, the best man I know.”

“I don’t feel like a good man.”

Danny kisses his cheek, warm lips pressing gently against his skin, and Steve shivers. “Trust me, you are. I don’t pretend to know how it all works. Maybe that experience back in college affected you so much, you never let something slide again. You turned it into determination to do the right thing, to not let the bad guys get away. Or maybe that’s all just psycho-babble, I don’t know. But you’ve made a positive difference in so many people’s lives, I can’t even count them. And if you put your mind to it, you can make a difference with this, too.”

Steve would like to believe this, he really, really would. But he can’t help doubting himself. “Are you sure?”

“I don’t have all the answers, Steve,” Danny says, pulling Steve tightly against his chest and wrapping his arms around his shoulders. “God knows, I wish I did,” Danny breathes into his hair. “Just give it time. Work on it. I’ll be with you, all the way.”

Steve’s pretty sure that nothing can make up for the harm Nathan suffered. But given that he can’t turn back the clock, he wants to believe what Danny says – that he can do something now to make a difference. And with Danny by his side, he figures he’s got a fighting chance.

**********************************

Note: "Conduct Unbecoming" is from Article 133 of the Uniform Code of Military Justice: "Conduct unbecoming an officer and a gentleman: Any commissioned officer, cadet, or midshipman who is convicted of conduct unbecoming an officer and a gentleman shall be punished as a court-martial may direct." A gentleman is understood to have a duty to avoid dishonest acts, displays of indecency, lawlessness, dealing unfairly, indecorum, injustice, or acts of cruelty.

Disclaimer: I have no experience with how the military would actually investigate either the initial complaint, or Steve’s confession years later; any mistakes are my own. But I do have personal experience with what it feels like to be faced with the dilemma presented a loved one asks for forgiveness for something arguably unforgiveable. This story would have been even harder to write if Steve had been the assailant (as in the case discussed in the Roxane Gay podcast) but I just couldn’t do it. I welcome your thoughts, but please be gentle – it’s the time of year for forgiveness in the Jewish tradition, so perhaps I erred on that side.

#mcdanno #steve mcgarrett #danny williams #H50 #my fic

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scarcemeans · 3 years

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Are data important or not?

Here's the story with data, as I understand it:

Data are (because apparently "data is" is grammatically wrong) supposed to be records of some aspect of observable reality.

These records are recorded by someone we hope is not making mistakes, double counting, or generally being dishonest. So from the beginning we're already depending on trust, but let's concede that and accept it as part of the deal.

Why do we want these records called "data"? Correct me if I'm wrong, but the main reason we want these records is to ensure that our opinion about what happened, is happening, or will happen, somewhere in the Universe, is... well, better (more explanatory, etc.) than a plain guess.

Right?

Data is good for disproving claims

Additionally, we (and by "we" I mean most people I know personally and in the interwebs, as well as media and "education") supposedly have agreed to adopt an epistemological principle that says, e.g. that a single record of a black swan automatically disproves the belief that "all swans are white".

So if I tell you "If you drink this potion, your fever is gonna go down" but when you take it, your fever goes up, then my belief in the power of the potion has been falsified at least in its rough "This potion cures fever, period" form. At the very least, I should be forced to refine my claims (add enough conditions, variables, etc.)

Ceteris Paribus Forever

Let's not forget, "ceteris paribus" is always part of the picture. You know, "All things being equal, then..."

It's an assumption that's always in the set of assumptions of every proposition we make. Whether Euclidean Geometry (assume you're working on a flat surface, when using it in carpentry), Economics (assume you live in a world of scarcity and humans act) whatever. We always assume "ceteris paribus".

We need many aspects of the Universe to be regular, for our explanations to work at all. If the actual physical distance we call "1 meter" today (let's say we're using some rock chosen by convention as the unit of reference) changed every second, then a lot (most?) of our calculations and theories wouldn't be useful. Literally imagine the rock randomly and constantly changing in size with respect to everything else. In fact, imagine some kind of trippy Universe in which things were perpetually changing in size, weight, etc. randomly with respect to each other. Nothing constant. What functional relationship could you ever make? E=mc2 would be true for a second, and then not anymore, etc.

But I digress. Back to data, and using data.

The question

So we agree on what data are, and what we value them. Using data = Good. Using data = The Scientific Way. Right? (Discussions on apriori subjects like Geometry and Austrian Economics, for another day.)

So then, can you please explain to me why the fuck people are still believing in "mask mandates" and "lockdowns" as measures to eliminate COVID, or decrease the cases, or "control the spread"?

(Which, if you think you can control something like this, you're suffering from a strong case of Delusion of Control)

At this point (December 2020) we have plenty of data showing that COVID infection "cases" have gone in all directions (but in particular, up, i.e. the opposite of what was expected: more "cases") after "mask mandates" and "lockdowns".

The data are literally all over the place. For "early and strict" lockdowns. For "loose" lockdowns. For all kinds of responses and non-responses. We have the "cases" data for ALL combinations of measures.

I mean, in my opinion, "cases" is a borderline worthless metric, but most people and the media are using "Cases", so I'm using it just to evaluate them on their own terms. I'm using the metric of their choice. (I'll explain why the "cases" metric is worthless in another post.)

Do we "listen to the data" or not?

The question is simple, again: Why the fuck are people still believing in "mask mandates" and "lockdowns"?

Every one of the charts that shows COVID cases going up regardless of early lockdown, late lockdown, strict lockdown, loose lockdown, mask mandate, no mask mandate, etc. is a counterexample, no?

There many. But even one should be enough to disprove any belief in the powers of lockdowns and mask to "decrease the number of cases", or "control the spread," no?

See tons more here and here.

Meanwhile, lockdowns destroy

Meanwhile, on top of the deliberate ignoring of the data that disprove the magic powers of lockdowns, the negative effects on people's health and income have been, and continue to be, devastating. Millions of people unemployed.

And that's just the US.

And that's just talking about those two things – income and health – separately. But reality is more complex: health and income are interdependent. Worse income can lead to worse health, which can lead to even worse income, etc.

Who knows exactly how many more cancer deaths we'll have next year because of so many people failing to get screened this year, thanks to the myopic, and, frankly, insane, forced direction of resources to one single health concern, COVID?

Deaths of despair up. Increased domestic abuse up.

Also, notice I haven't even mentioned the problems with allowing the Government to get away with this increase of their power. Even if you're not a libertarian: Surely it should worry you that you've granted, with your compliance, an insane amount of power to a government which 4 or 5 years from now might be controlled by your "enemies." You know, the "monsters."

That's right. Whenever you give a weapon to your dear Government now, you're also giving it to the other party/tribe's Government later. And don't tell me "checks and balances" will keep the other party/tribe's administration in check about their use of this new power. What checks and balances? You were just locked in house arrest for a year! Has that decided by "democratic voting"? No. Your opinion was absolutely irrelevant.

And remember, all of this is in addition to the main observation of this post: The tons of data which disproves the belief in the power of lockdowns.

About me and my work

Follow me on Twitter.

Check out my bitcoin punk troll-song: Green Paper Bad. Yellow Rock Good. Orange Coin Better.

Check out my prog hardcore punk song against the Fiat World: The Rigged Game.

Check out my pseudo-famous (in retro the indie game world) badass metal video game soundtrack: Steredenn: Binary Stars (Original Game Soundtrack).

If you help me in the best way, my paynym is (appropriately) +boldsnowflake448.

#economics austrianeconomics libertarian liberty lockdowns data epistemology philosophy

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stoiccthulhu · 4 years

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So many things are rattling around in my brain I don’t know where one thought ends and another begins and which of those thoughts caused this overall feeling of depression I’ve been having almost all day so far...

It’s still early. 8:30ish to be exact-ish. I’ve eaten breakfast and gotten the 2 older children off to school for the day. The baby is sleeping in the other room, but that countdown timer is quickly dwindling away with every passing second.

I don’t know if I feel this way because my girlfriend of over 5 years now is growing more and more into someone I can’t see myself staying with. For several different reasons, the main one being that she’s a very selfish lover. When we have sex, it must be one single scenario played out using several different archetypal characters, but the endgame is still the same. I eat her out, she blows me, we have sex, she wants me to take control while also trying to control the whole situation, and “it’s OK” if she doesn’t get off, but it’s obvious it isn’t. But she also takes her time getting off, not realizing the enhancement she enjoys doing throughout the course only wakes her up more while I’m using more and more of my energy trying to make her happy doing something I was only half into the idea of in the first place.

Don’t get me wrong. I find my girlfriend sexually attractive, and I love her, and I’m not saying these things to cover my ass, I just want to clarify this isn’t me getting bored of who she is sexually. I’m just up to my tits in annoyance in how she can be SO selfish in a lot of ways, but when you mention it to her its not as bad as you make it out to be or all of her selfless thoughts concerning a bunch of other stuff that may or may not involve you.

But that’s what you get when you start a relationship with a narcissist without realizing they’re one before it’s too late and feelings get caught. And before I go further, I’m the same way. I was raised by a narcissist so I became one without even trying or even realizing. But now that I know what kind of person I used to be, as well as the person I am at times nowadays, I am more mindful of my actions and thoughts and words. Unless it’s on this, I don’t filter myself on here because I have nowhere else to go and write something without having to actively worry about offending someone.

The reason why I worry about offending people too much is because as a child I chose to be raised by my father because my absentee mother would always run off with someone new all of the time, sometimes for weeks, sometimes for weekends, sometimes just overnight. But in the end I wound up with a distrust of women I am supposed to love(it’s taken me close to 6 years to get over my paranoia over my girlfriend cheating on me(didn’t help every girlfriend I ever had cheated on me culminating in our relationship ending(especially didn’t help that it was during my formative teenage years and early 20′s)) and I’m still randomly paranoid she’s (going to) (cheat)ing on me when different things happen). Because I chose to live with my father, my younger brother, whom used to look up to me(even though I was as bad for his psyche as our parents were for me), followed me to live at his house for the next (almost) decade. What came from that was years of physical abuse and psychological damage at the hands of our father and from the weekly visits we had with our mother and whomever she was shaking up with at the time. She’s the type to get married without knowing the guy more than a year, which is a bad habit I’ve adopted from her, and what has brought me to this situation we have now. Full circle.

Instead of testing the waters of a relationship with a woman with 2 kids, I went with my feelings in the moment that were, slightly, inebriated, among other things. But when you believe you’re the center of some Truman Showesque experiment/attraction for the masses, and have multitudes of evidence, circumstantial and undocumented of course, but I’ve been a witness to things that have made me question the reality that was placed in front of my eyes since birth.

I mean, think about it. Perception is what is told to us. The easiest example I have for this, or at least to explain it, is that if you were born and someone handed you a spoon, and then told you it was a fork, and every time you questioned it, they would reaffirm the utensil is a fork, not a spoon. This will go until you begin calling the spoon a fork, even though the entire world around you is calling it a spoon. Your entire neural network is wired to believe a spoon is a fork. And then you are told by everyone else, outside this one person, that you’re wrong, and that spoon is a spoon, and to call it a fork makes you look ignorant and stupid.

Now if the world we live in, the plane of existence we call reality, is the spoon, what does that say about our perception of the world? What if we’ve been, for lack of a better term, duped into believing that what we see as reality is the end all be all of existence. There is nothing beyond it, and there is nothing before it. What you see is what you get.

No, I’m not religious. And, yes, I believe that all religious followers (with the exception of Buddhism) are ignorant dipshits being spoon fed lies on how good ideals are the basis for so much hate and bigotry and racism and xenophobia and homophobia for centuries. All religious texts, such as the Bible, started out as a collection of good ideas on how to be better human beings as a species but got warped and twisted to fit whomever was in control at the times regime(it’s not the word I was looking for but it kind of fits in the moment here).

I don’t really have much else to say at the moment. Other than to clarify one thing. I know I can offfend people using this platform to explore my inner thoughts. That’s why I chose this platform to, essentially, journal out things. And that’s because if I’m near a person I am not trying to offend them and I’m unable to say anything offensive unless I’m drunk. I’m always stopping myself from saying certain things. Which, I understand, EVERYONE does that, it doesn’t make you special. That’s fine, but I still don’t give a shit. I’m sick of being the nice guy to everyone. I’m sick of being nice, period. I’m the first one taken advantage of, the first one to have a rumor spread about him, I’m the first one to be attacked for doing anything other than being the timid, child-like, and effeminate man I’ve grown into becoming. Well, less attacked, and more disliked. If I don’t put on the mask of being the nice guy to everyone around me, the elder Doug Forcett of my life. Only I will bite if beaten for long enough, usually in passive aggressive bitching or full blown fight starting or just quickly yelling at the kids for small disgressions like not taking care of a plate properly and soon snowballing it into various bullshit reasons as to why I’m mad at them just because I want to yell and scream and destroy and be the one whom finally is able to have the last word. But that’s just one more thing about my girlfriend that has been getting on my nerves. But that hasn’t happened recently. It’s mostly been me almost always picking fights, and I think it’s because I’m, ultimately, unhappy. I don’t know how else to put it, in all honesty. But whatever has been written has already affected my life in the past so whatever I write from this point forward will affect my life going forward so what do I say?

I had a dream one night that left an impression on me due to how, at the time, it felt prophetic concerning my life. And the moment I’m at in life is the moment in the dream wherein I am with a beautiful woman, but I then pursue and then cheat on her with another, more, beautiful woman whom I am then caught in bed with. At which point a man, in the dream it was John C. Reilly, whom was with my girlfriend walking into the room punches me in the face and I allow it to happen. I’m also watching myself do all of these things from a third person perspective, a witness to my own life, instead of a participant. And now I’m in a position where my girlfriend has made friends with another couple, and it’s a friendship she’s able to be herself in so she’s been hanging around them more often than other couple friends she’s made since we’ve gotten together. And I’ve had lustful thoughts towards the girl since the beginning, almost as if I knew she was going to be somewhat attractive to me. Anticipatory before I even met her as if I was going to meet someone important to me.

This time, I don’t really know what else to say. Writing this hasn’t made me feel better like I was hoping, and now I just don’t care about doing it anymore even though there’s way more up there wanting to get out.

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celestialgoddesslucy · 7 years

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When a Flower Blooms (BTS Witch!Minjoon)

Well I’ve recently been following a lot of BTS ask blogs because these people are so talented and amazing and wonderful people. I actually had the courage to talk to one of the admins for one of these blogs and I decided to take their Au and write a quick minjoon one-shot of their featuring witch!jimin and witch!namjoon. This idea came to me randomly, but I thought it would be cute. So enjoy! When a flower blooms I’ve always loved nature. Ever since I was young, I adored being outside and playing in the forest, climbing trees, playing with insects, or even taking a swim in the river bank up the mountain. Many of you might think that nature is rather dull and seemingly lifeless, but as we all know plants are living beings full of as much life as us humans. It's fascinating because you see I have a gift. I was born with the the ability to speak to plants. You might wonder how this is even possible, but you see, I’m a witch. My name is Park Jimin and I specialize in spells and potion making with plants and herbs. I attend Bangtang’s Magic University and I’m a Junior. I’m sort of clumsy and shy, but I’m confident in my knowledge in potions and antidotes because no one knows plants better than I do. They’re my friends and they speak to me when I’m lonely. It’s like we have a mutual understanding. I’ve never been a person of many friends, but the plants comfort me which is why I spend most of my free time in the gardens. You know they say that when a a flower blooms, the way it flourishes is a representation of the feelings of the person caring for them. The flowers listen to your heart and it shows the moment their bud spreads open. If you care for them with love, they bloom beautifully, but one grown with contempt may refuse to bloom or withers before it has the chance to show its beauty. They understand your feelings when you think no one else does. A flower is the most perceptive plant in nature, but is often misunderstood as weak and fragile when it reality it has a sensitivity no human has ever been able to achieve. And only they know , that for the longest time, since I enrolled in this university I’ve had a crush on my best friend Kim Namjoon, a senior. ~~xXXx~~ “Jimin-ah!” A voice yells into a blonde’s ear who squeaks and jumps from his kneeling position near a mound of Witch Hazel. His small hands were covered in dirt as he unconsciously clutched onto his purple sweater where his heart should. He gazed up finding Kim Namjoon giving him an apologetic and sheepish smile as the blonde blushed furiously. “N-Namjoon hyung, you scared me! Ah, my sweater!”, Jimin pouted with a sigh as he wiped away the dirt ad averted his gaze to avoid looking the older male in the eyes. His eyes widened when Namjoon leaned down to help him wipe of the dirt as he passed a hand in his purple locks. “I’m sorry. It’s just I always see you here in the gardens. No one cares for them the best than you do”, he said appreciatively. The blonde shrugged returning his attention to the plants he’d been covering with new soil. “I like plants. I always have. But anyways, did you need something, hyung?” Jimin asked as the senior seemed to stay silent in thought. He couldn’t help, but chuckle. Here was the older male known for exceeding in every area of magic and spells, probably the school’s top witch, but he was so forgetful and was known to break anything at an arm’s length that it was kind of ironic. “Ah! I remember. You haven’t had lunch, right? I saw you run here after class so I know for a fact you must be hungry. I’ve brought some sandwiches we can eat here”, the older motioned proudly as he pulled at his bag and pulled out two napkin wrapped sandwiches. “Wah! Thank you so much, Joonie hyung. I’m starving”, the blonde chirped as he took the offered meal and began to nibble on it hungrily. They remained in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, hats discarded besides them and cool air fresh on their skin. “Jiminnie?” The purple head piped in suddenly. The younger looked up at the male in curiosity waiting for what he would say. “When you talk to plants what do you talk about?” The blonde blushed, coughing awkwardly as he feigned that he was looking out in the distance in thought when in reality he was having a panic attack. “Uh, well. We talk about a lot of things. They like to hear me make most of the talking. They’re content by knowing about my day, and simply listening. Sometimes, they ask questions because well they don’t really see much outside of this garden so I teach them things”, he explained. The senior hummed in awe. “That’s amazing. No one knows plats better than you do, Minnie” Jimin simply smiled. And no one was able to make him feel more appreciated than Namjoon. After a few minutes, Namjoon stood and excused himself after realizing he was almost late to class making the younger laugh at how like the male it was to barely make it to class. As his form disappeared into the crowds of students, Jimin was left to tend to the garden once more. “Why don’t you tell him”, a tiny voice muttered like a soft whisper. Jimin snapped his head towards the rose bush where the voice had come from one of its flowers. The male blushed and licked his lips nervously. “I d-don’t know w-hat you’re talking about”, he lied digging his fingers into the dirt as he began to add more of the Witch Hazel into place. “Jimin-ah, you can’t lie to us, you know that. You have feelings for him”, the rose muttered with a slight giggle. Jimin sighed in defeat, standing from his spot and retrieving a wand from his bag and returning to his place. After a quick flick of his wand he lifted a watering pot from near the rose bush and let it title as water poured over them. “What am I supposed to tell him, though. I can’t just go up to him and tell him ‘Namjoon hyung, I like you. And I’ve like you since the moment we first met’” he sighed as he let the water pot float towards the other flowers. “Why can’t you?”He heard one of the red tulips ask as Jimin finally decided he’d finished his work and sat back to give the plants his full attention. “It’s not that simple. When you like someone it takes great courage to confess your feelings. There’s the fear of rejection and the fear that a friendship, if one exists, can be ruined. I’m scared”, he confessed. “Jimin-ah, I’m sure the pretty hyung would never hate you even if there was a chance that he didn’t like you. I’m sure of it”, the rose inquired. “Yeah! We’re rooting for you!” The daisies piped in. The blond couldn’t help, but smile at their excitement, however, they didn’t really understand human relationships. They didn’t know how serious confessing your feelings was.However, he was more than thankful that they were ring extremely supportive. “Jimin, just give yourself a chance. I know you don’t seemed convinced. You cannot hide your feelings from us. We know. Just tell him. You know him very well and know he’s incapable of hurting you”, the rose motioned once more. The male remained quiet for a bit contemplating this dilemma of his. Namjoon was the friendliest person he knew, the rose was right. His hyung wouldn’t hurt him. He’d probably turn him down gently if that was the case. “Okay, I’ll try”, he decided hearing small cheers come into his ear like whisperes. Yes, today he’d have the courage to tell his hyung, he had feelings for him. He took a quick breathe as he flicked his wand to bring the watering pot down gently. He stood up, picking up his belongings and running to his room to change. ~~xXXx~~ “Hyung, you’ve been awfully quiet”, a male with strawberry blond hair piped in. Jimin looked up in a daze to look at the younger male who’d called his attention. “Uh, did you say something, Jungkook?” He asked the male feeling embarrassed all of a sudden. Jungkook rolled his eyes as he pat his hyung on the back assuringly. “Whatever is bothering you hyung you can always tell me, okay?” The younger motioned with a concerned glance. The blonde gulped and nodded. “Yes, Kook-ah…Wait!Yah! I’m the hyung here, brat!” He laughed punching the male playfully on the arm. It seemed to get him to direct his attention away from him as they began to focus on their task in front of them. “Alright, your task today is to come up with a potion remedy for the liver without having a foul taste. You know there are many ways to make such a potion so there is a broad range of correct and incorrect ways to make it. Now make teams of three”, the teacher announced. “Jimin-ah! Kookie-ah!” A loud and deep voice called from across the room as a broad haired male skipped towards them. Kim Taehyung, Jungkook’s boyfriend and Jimin’s roommate. The male came to hug the two squeezing the life out of them and stealing a kiss for the youngest. Jungkook blushed furiously, hitting him upside the head while the male pouted. “Hyung, please, not in public”, Jungkook hissed making Taehyung frown and whine like a child. “It would be Taehyung. Alright, listen up guys. Simple and sweet is the way to go. And don’t get creative again, Tae. Remember what happened last time you put herbs together because you thought the color were pretty”, Jimin deadpanned. “It looked cool! I didn’t know it would cure constipation or in this case cause diarrhea”, the male piped in defensively. His companions simply rolled their eyes before Jimin continued. “We’ll be using the chicory root, peppermint, and dandelion. With these three we’ll be helping prevent liver problems as well as stimulate the liver and avoid toxin formation and bile from damaging the liver. The peppermint besides helping the liver will also help with our flavor requirement”, Jimin began to explain as both his partners raced to retrieved their ingredients. Jimin was in charge of making the potion given that Taehyung was a danger to society and Jungkook was a good distraction to keep the latter at bay from causing trouble. He began to grind the herbs as Taehyung watched him in thought. “Spit it out, Tae. Unless you want a picture, and I don’t think Kookie would appreciate that”, Jimin chuckled softly. “Kookie knows my heart belongs to him!” The male chirped as Jungkook pouted and looked away embarrassed. “But now I was wondering how you and Nakmjoon hyung were doing.” The blonde stopped his ministrations as he directed his attention to Taehyung. “What do you mean? We’re fine like always? Why are you asking?” He began to say nervously as he continued his previous movements. “What he means is if you’ve confessed to hyung yet. Don’t try denying it, Jimin hyung”, The youngest inquired. “Look. Can we not talk about this right now? I’m gonna do it today, okay? I’m already nervous as it is. So please”, the blonde motioned as the two younger males fussed in excitement. At least, they seemed excited since they weren’t the ones at risk of rejection. After the class, Jimin had sent Namjoon a text to meet up at the garden, but just as he pressed send, he noticed the male was already there. The older male looked at his phone and noticed Jimin walk towards him. “Says here you have something important to tell me?” He asked. The shorter gulped and suddenly all his courage had dissipated. He felt ashamed more than anything that he was going to dismiss the whole thing, but he thought it might just be for the best. “It was nothing important. I just wanted to hang out”, he lied with a strained smile. “That’s cool. I’ll go get us a snack so we can talk”, the male smiled brightly as he jogged away. Jimin slumped on the floor feeling tears prick his eyes at how much of a coward he was as he pulled his knees into his chest and rested his forehead on his knees. He would have to live with these feelings for the rest of his time there. It was better for himself. “Jimin-ah”, a tiny voice whispered. Jimin blinked his stray tears away as he looked up. The roses were calling him. However, he was perplexed that one of the roses ad turned purple. “What happened to you?” Jimin asked curiously as he crouched near the rose bush. The purple rose giggled as Jimin examined it. It was different than the red roses. Although the the red ones were gorgeous, the purple one was in full bloom and full of life. It was breathtaking. “I have a message for you,but I need you to come closer. We have tiny voices. This person told me he wanted you to know at all costs”, it explained as Jimin blinked confused, but nonetheless leaned in to hear it. “I love you too, Jimin-ah. Since the first moment I laid yes on you” Purple rose….Love at first sight. Jimin’s eyes widened as it retracted abruptly and stood up. “Who? What? I don’t understand. Who said this?” “I did, Jimin-ah”, a voice spoke from behind him as the blonde turned around to find Namjoon standing there with a loving smile on his face. Jimin was stuck in place, shock in his expression. “You’re not the only one who can speak to plants, you know”, Namjoon muttered before pulling Jimin into a kiss. Jimin’s eyes were wide for a few seconds. He must have been dreaming, this had to be a dream, but no. Namjoon was right her kissing him after confessing his feelings like he could never. He smiled as he wrapped his arms around his neck and kissed him back softly. After a few seconds, they parted with goofy smiles on their faces. “I love you, Jiminnie. Go out with me?” “I love you too and yes. I’ll go out with you”, the blonde laughed. It felt so cliché, but perfect all the same. They say that when a a flower blooms, the way it flourishes is a representation of the feelings of the person caring for them. The flowers listen to your heart and it shows the moment their bud spreads open. If you care for them with love, they bloom beautifully, but one grown with contempt may refuse to bloom or withers before it has the chance to show its beauty. And the way that purple rose had been in full bloom, made Jimin realize he was probably the most dearest person in Namjoon’s eyes. I made this for @ask-witch-jiminie I hope you like it! And since this also includes witch Namjoon I'll tag @ask-witch-namjoon It's not the best but regardless I hope you enjoy!

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