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anistarrose · 4 years

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Fear The Reaper A Lot, Actually - Chapter 5

AO3

Summary: It’s time for the hunt to resume. Noelle makes a promise, Kravitz conducts an interview, Taako plans a séance, and Barry makes a friend.

Characters: Kravitz, Taako, Barry Bluejeans, Angus McDonald, Magnus Burnsides, Merle Highchurch, Noelle | No-3113, The Raven Queen, The Director | Lucretia, misc. BoB cameos, Julia Burnsides

Relationships: Taakitz, Angus McDonald & Taako, Barry Bluejeans & Kravitz, Kravitz & Angus McDonald

Sorry for the late update! I was sick on Tuesday and Wednesday, and then on Thursday I decided to focus entirely on losing my mind over the new TAZ episode, so that means it’s time for a rare Friday chapter. Lots of stuff is happening in this chapter, so hopefully it was worth the wait!

(Also, I normally don’t write the chapter titles on tumblr for this fic because it makes the title section of the post look cluttered, but this one is called “me and the boys at 2 am looking for jeans.” Just really wanted to make sure you were all aware of that fact.)

***

Long past the curfew established by the Reclaimers’ training routine, at the hour of night when the moonbase’s artificial lights dimmed and the bonfires on the planet below faded away, four pairs of eyes watched Avi from the shadows. A murmur of excitement escaped from behind one of the glass spheres when he yawned and checked his watch, followed by a chorus of disappointed sighs when he slapped himself across the face and set back to work unloading a new supply shipment, but he didn’t seem to notice them over the muffled roar of high-altitude winds.

Finally, a passenger sphere floated back into the port and the Bureau’s three top Regulators disembarked, back from a planetside drill that had run long. From her perch on Killian’s shoulder, Carey leaned down to affectionately slap Avi on the back, and he quickly accepted her invitation to join their gang for drinks at the Chug ‘N Squeeze. As Avi led the way out of the port, Carey and Killian hot on his heels while Noelle followed more distantly, there was much hushed rejoicing among their shadowy, impatient observers.

“Finally,” Taako huffed. “I was starting to think he was pulling an all-nighter.”

After checking one last time to make sure the coast was clear, Angus stepped out of his hiding place and reached for the door of the transport sphere, but Magnus grabbed ahold of him by the collar of his shirt.

“Sorry, little guy, but you’re staying behind this time.”

Angus opened his mouth to protest, then closed it again, at a loss for words for the first time since he’d started speaking in complete sentences at age fourteen months.

“It’s nothing personal, Agnes — we just need someone to stay behind and distract Avi if he comes back before we do,” Taako explained. “And no one can resist all your nosy questions once you get going, so you’re the perfect accomplice!”

“I can think of a few people who can resist it,” Merle scoffed. “Number one, me.”

Magnus ignored them both, kneeling down to look at Angus in the eyes. “Ango, if I’m being honest… we had some close calls last time, and that was in a cave where we honestly weren’t expecting to find anything besides a clue or two if we were lucky. Tonight, we’re going to try and get a lich’s attention, so this morning, we all sat down and talked about it and agreed we’ll feel better if you’re safe up here.”

Taako sighed. “Gee, way to let the kid know we actually care about him. Now his ego’s gonna grow until it’s bigger than mine, and then where will I be?”

“It’s okay, sir. I’m sure you and Merle will still find ways to keep me humble.” Angus managed a smile.

“Stay safe, all right?”

“That’s the spirit!” Merle laughed, as Magnus picked him up and placed him inside the sphere. “Now hurry up and set the trajectory, Taako. Barry Bluejeans isn’t gonna arrest himself —”

“Please, hang on just a second!”

Four heads whirled around to face the port’s exit hallway, where Noelle was floating.

“It’s just me, don’t worry!” she assured them, noticing Magnus and Angus’s guilty expressions and Merle and Taako’s panicked ones. “I won’t let the Director hear a peep of this, I promise — but if you’re going after Mr. Bluejeans, I’d like to come with you. If you’ve got room in that sphere, of course.”

“Well, the scale of this lich hunting team is rapidly veering past ‘secret club’ and careening into ‘elaborate conspiracy,’ but… I guess this whole bargain is about your life too, isn’t it?” Magnus thought out loud. “Taako, Merle, are you guys alright with this?”

“A ghost would know where to find another ghost better than any of us would, right?” Merle asked, and Taako shrugged.

“Then welcome to the lich-hunting conspiracy, Noelle,” Magnus declared.

On her way to the sphere, Noelle patted Angus on the head, surprisingly gentle despite her heavy robot arms. “Sorry, pal. I didn’t mean to replace you.”

“It’s okay, ma’am,” Angus told her. “I know you’re better in fights than I am, so… just be sure to keep them safe, okay? And if you get a chance, could you ask Barry if our theory about the Voidfish was right?”

Noelle’s face display flickered, somehow expressing a determined smile with just a few dozen lit-up pixels. “I’ll do my best, I promise.”

***

There were many reasons for a soul not to join the others in the Astral Sea, but most often, it was because they were waiting for someone. Luckily, the person Kravitz wished to speak with was one such soul, so he was able to find her in only a matter of minutes.

There was only one island in the Astral Sea with a cottage on it, after all.

Though expertly constructed, it was clearly unfinished, lacking a door, roof, or windows — so Kravitz knocked on the cedar doorframe, and waited outside for the house’s occupant to respond. Just seconds later, a tall woman with a bandana tied around her hair met him at the doorway, smiling sadly and shaking her head as she laid eyes on Kravitz.

“Oh. You’re the emissary of the Raven Queen. I’m sorry, I — I wasn’t sure if I was hoping or fearing that you were someone else.”

“I understand.” Kravitz said softly. “You’re Julia Waxmen-Burnsides, right?”

“That’s right.” Julia offered him a calloused hand. “Nice to meet — er, formally meet you, Death.”

“Death is my mother. Call me Kravitz,” Kravitz replied as he accepted the handshake, and Julia chuckled.

“Okay, Kravitz. What brings you over to my humble island?”

***

“Well, this spot should be as good as any,” Taako announced, kicking a pebble across the black glass circle that once was Phandalin. “Magnus, did you bring the sacrificial denim?”

“Sure did!” Magnus held up a pair of freshly purchased jeans. “Also some candles, and an ouija board that Carey helped me steal from Leon the other day as part my rogue lessons.”

“Tell Carey that gaslighting Leon is my job, and she needs to quit infringing on my brand.” Taako pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket, tried and failed to draw a circle on the glass, then conjured a paintbrush instead and started painting a pentagram.

Meanwhile, Noelle drifted around haphazardly, the lights on her face growing dim. “It’s… it’s so empty here. I was bracing myself for ruins, for bodies… but there’s just nothin’ left. I can’t even remember where the bar was, or the hotel, or the stables…”

Merle looked away. “Sorry we dropped the ball on this one, Noelle…”

“S’alright. You made up for it in the lab last week, with the savin’ the world and negotiating for my soul an’ all.”

“Well, don’t get too comfortable in your robot body, ‘cause we might not have much time left in the living world if Barry doesn’t show tonight.” Taako placed the jeans in the center of the pentagram, then lit them on fire. “But I think this’ll get his attention. Everyone, come join hands!”

Magnus kneeled and took Taako and Noelle’s hands, while Merle stood up on his tiptoes to do the same.

“You’ve done this before, right?” Merle whispered.

“Plenty of times.” Taako summoned a Mage Hand and adjusted his scarf to cover his nose and mouth, as the fire in the center of their circle intensified. “Noelle? Would you do the honor of reaching out for us?”

“Uh, I’ve never been to a séance quite like this one. Maybe you’d be the better one to —”

“Barry, you asshole! Too much of a coward to show your face!” Merle shouted. “Heard about how I banished Legion and got the heebie-jeebies, didja?”

The ruins of Phandalin fell eerily silent, aside from the quiet crackling of the fire.

“Sorry. Still not detecting any liches,” Noelle reported.

“Well, being a dick didn’t work,” Merle muttered. “Shoulda brought some booze and thrown a party — maybe that would get his lazy ass’s attention.”

“I’m pretty sure liches can’t drink, Merle,” Noelle told him. “And honestly, now that I’m thinkin’ about it, I can’t imagine why Barry would be obligated to haunt this here town just ‘cause it’s where he died. Are y’all sure this is the best place to look for him?”

“Positive,” said Taako, but Magnus spoke over him.

“Maybe we should widen our search area. Quick, what other places would be significant to Barry?”

“How ‘bout the cave where he got his ass kicked?” Merle suggested. “You know, the place where we met G’larg or whatever his name was.”

Magnus let go of Taako and Noelle’s hands to fan the air in front of him. “Well, a hike sure sounds better than standing around inhaling denim fumes, I’ll give you that.”

Taako extinguished the blaze then cast Phantom Steed, and Garyl manifested atop the embers of the fire, rearing into a majestic pose. “Hiking’s for chumps. Garyl and I will race you there!”

***

Julia led Kravitz inside the cottage, which smelled pleasantly of cedar and lavender, and motioned for him to sit down in one of two rocking chairs. She sat in the other, crossing her legs and absentmindedly rocking back and forth.

“So, Maggie went and got on the Raven Queen’s bad side, did he?”

“Not permanently, I’m hoping,” Kravitz replied. “I don’t know him as well as you, but he and his fellow death criminal associates don’t strike me as anything like the usual bounties I hunt. I was hoping you could testify on his moral character, and maybe also shed some light on how he cheated death, because he sure doesn’t seem to know.”

“Well, he’s survived some close battles — but I assume you’re looking for necromancy, not near-death experiences.” Julia drummed her fingers on the arm of the chair. “And I know Magnus is no necromancer.”

“I figured as much. Did he know any necromancers, though?”

Julia shook her head. “No. He’ll stand up to any authority figure if he believes they’re abusing their power, but that’s not because he just walks around looking for rules to break — it’s ‘cause he can’t stand injustice. He’s a good man, and I can’t imagine him throwing his lot in with a lich or someone like that to flaunt the laws of life and death…”

Her voice trailed off. “Do you know how long ago these so-called crimes happened?” she asked.

“They all registered in our system at once, about twelve years ago. Needless to say, I’m assuming he didn’t die 19 distinct times within minutes of each other, so there must’ve been some warding that was previously hiding him from our detection. We’ve seen that kind of thing before, although never quite to the same extent.”

“Twelve years ago was before I knew him,” Julia admitted. “I’m not sure I even know where he was living or what he was doing twelve years ago.”

“Forgive me changing the topic, but are his parents still alive? Or any siblings, aunts, uncles?”

“He was an only child, and his parents passed away before I knew him — I think he was an adult at the time, but barely, so… that would’ve been thirteen, fourteen years ago, maybe? He never told me how they died and I never pressed him, so — wait a second, you’re the Grim Reaper. Shouldn’t you know exactly who’s dead and who isn’t?”

“I really should,” Kravitz agreed, “and that’s the problem, actually. I can’t find any relatives of Magnus in the registry of deceased souls — no parents, no grandparents, no cousins…”

“You only found people who were Magnus’s family by marriage,” Julia realized out loud. “That’s why you came to talk to me.”

Kravitz nodded. “Exactly — but it gets even weirder. Magnus’s fellow adventuring buddies and apparent death criminals are an elf named Taako and a dwarf named Merle, whom I don’t suppose you know —”

Julia gasped, not in recognition, but in dawning realization. “Don’t tell me you can’t find their families, either.”

“All I found for Merle were some fourth cousins, and equally distant relatives. I couldn’t find anything about Taako.”

“The plot sure has thickened, huh?” Julia muttered. “You’re right that I don’t know Merle or Taako, they must’ve been… you know, after my time. But I can swear to you, if this is some kind of — some kind of necromantic conspiracy, then Magnus is the victim, not the one behind it. He could not and would not plan something like this for years while keeping it a secret all this time. He wouldn’t have hid it from me or from Steven —”

“I believe you,” Kravitz told her, “and I believe Magnus, when he says he genuinely doesn’t know how he died nineteen times. But because I believe you, and because I think you’re right on the mark with regards to a necromantic conspiracy, I have one last question: have you ever heard the names Lup or Barry Bluejeans?”

Julia snorted quietly at the latter name, but shook her head. “No. Are they… necromantic conspiracy suspects?”

“You could say that. More specifically, they’re liches whom we first detected around the same time as Magnus. At the time, I assumed it was a coincidence, but now… well, there a few different first impressions of Magnus and his adventuring buddies that I’m reevaluating.”

“Tell me about it. That man contains multitudes.” Julia leaned back in her rocking chair. “If there’s anything else I can do to help exonerate Maggie — any questions or testimony you need — I’m sure you’ll be able to find me here for a long, long time, but… can I ask something of you, if it’s alright?”

“Depends. What is it?”

“Can you help me send a letter?”

***

For the first few hundred feet of the race, Noelle kept up with Taako via her rocket boosters, but then opted to save her fuel, and Garyl surged ahead towards the mountains.

“Eat my dust!” Garyl whinnied. “I’m gonna find those oatssss!”

“Liches, Garyl. We’re looking for liches,” Taako reminded him.

“Yeah, but liches always have some loose spectral oats in their robe pockets!” Garyl scaled the foothills with ease, leaving a cloud of dust in his wake. “Sometimes they even give me spectral sugar cubes! Why dontcha ever hang out with liches anymore?”

Taako yanked on the reins. “Excuse me?”

“You haven’t given me sugar cubes in decades,” Garyl moaned as they came to a halt. “Or even spectral carrots.”

Taako dismounted, turning away from the face of the mountain to look at Garyl in his iridescent rainbow eyes. “You gonna elaborate ‘bout me allegedly hanging out with liches, pal?”

“What is there to elaborate about? You used to hang with liches, and then you just —” Suddenly, Garyl’s eyes went wide. “Look out! Above you!”

Taako dismissed Garyl with a wave of his hand, and the binicorn disappeared in a flash of rainbow smoke. “Yeah, no, I’m not buying that. You’re just pulling my leg again —”

He turned around slowly and casually, not expecting to see anything out of the ordinary — only to find himself facing a crumbling mountainside, dozens of massive boulders already rolling on a trajectory straight towards him.

He instinctively raised his Umbra Staff, only to freeze up, no idea what spell he could cast in time to save himself — but then something in his peripheral vision flashed red, and not a full second later, he was standing atop a distant hill, a hundred meters away from the site of the rockslide.

“Are you okay?” a voice behind him rasped. “I didn’t mean to startle you — I know you probably had it under control, but I — I just panicked. Sorry.”

Taako turned around to face a familiar red-robed specter, two vaguely eye-shaped lights under his hood looking Taako over.

“You know, I was actually pretty un-startled until you popped up behind me and started rasping in my ear! Let an elf have his personal space, Barold!”

“What?” The lights beneath Barry’s hood froze in place, as did every thread of his robe, paralyzed in spite of the gentle breeze. The rasp in his voice dissipated as he went on: “Taako, how much do you remember?!”

Taako blinked. “Remember?”

“Talk to me, Taako! Please!” Barry grabbed Taako by the shoulders, incorporeal hands trembling. “Do you remember your sister? Do you remember Lup?”

“Ugh, that sound! Why do you have to do that right in my face?” Taako shrugged off Barry’s barely-tangible grip, clapping his hands over his ears.

“You heard static?” Barry gasped. “Oh, no. No. I thought —”

“You bet I just heard the worst five seconds of ASMR ever! What do you want from me, man? All I know about Lup is that she’s a lich like you, ‘cause that’s all Kravitz could tell me —”

“Kravitz told you about us?!”

“Yeah, he did! Told me you two were his most elusive bounties, and that I could never let my guard down around you!” Taako reached into the quiver slung over his shoulder, pulling out a sapphire arrow. “And I think it’s about time I gave him a heads up that you’re hanging out right here, soul ready for reaping —”

“Do NOT summon Kravitz!” Just seconds before Taako plunged the arrow into the ground, Barry tore it out of his hand and hurled it through a rift. “Why the fuck would you summon Kravitz?!”

Taako’s grip tightened on his Umbra Staff, and Barry recoiled. The lights under his hood looked like they were melting, shedding glowing droplets that cascaded down some semblance of a face within the void.

“Taako, please,” Barry pleaded. “I’m not your enemy, and — and Lup isn’t either, I swear! She wouldn’t want this!”

Taako raised the Umbra Staff to cast, but no spell fired from the umbrella as it shuddered in his hand.

“You can’t listen to what Kravitz tells you — he doesn’t know why we became liches! He doesn’t know about the Hunger!” Barry’s robe was fraying before Taako’s eyes, crimson threads unraveling at the edges of his sleeves. “What if — what if he thinks you’ve cheated death? What if he sends you to the Eternal Stockade?! Taako, I’m begging you, I — I — I don��t know what I would do if I lost you too!”

Taako cast again, and the Umbra Staff still refused to fire, the beginnings of a spell entering his arcane focus on one end but never leaving it on the other. As Barry drifted closer, sparks jumping between stray red threads and face a mess of swirling light and shadow, Taako turned to his last resort — stalling for time.

“You know, Kravitz was thinking real hard about sending me to ghost jail the other day, but I convinced him not to. Don’t you want to hear my side of the story?”

Barry froze, the unraveling of his robe momentarily halted. “In the Miller lab? What happened?!”

“We made a deal. He was going to arrest me, Magnus, Merle, Lucas, and Noelle — but I got an idea he liked better. I asked if he’d let us go free if we captured another bounty or two for him — so he gave us two months to capture you and Lup.” Taako shrugged, so focused on trying not to panic that he hardly noticed the sound of electricity crackling and fabric tearing. “So if you just turn yourself in, then at least you’ll only have to worry about me half as much.”

Barry convulsed as a jagged gash tore through his robe from shoulder to waist, an intangible darkness spilling out from within him and pooling on the ground below.

“LUP!” he shouted, voice echoing between mountains and through underground lairs for miles and miles. “They — they signed their own death warrant, Lup! I — I can’t do this without them, I can’t do this without you — where ARE YOU?!”

“Taako! There you are!”

Magnus sprinted onto the scene, Merle and Noelle hot on his heels. He thrust himself between Barry and Taako, then pulled a sapphire arrow from his own belt, jabbing it into the shadow-covered ground at Barry’s feet. “Kravitz, we’ve got a bounty for you!”

The lights beneath Barry’s hood coalesced back into two flickering eyes that immediately fixated on the arrow, which was already engulfed in a crackling blue aura.

“Boys, I promise I’m going to fix this,” he rasped, and then vanished into thin air.

“Wait, come back!” Merle called out, rushing towards the spot where Barry had been floating. “I didn’t even get a chance to talk to you —”

Taako yelped as his Umbra Staff inverted, and the arrow flew through the air towards its maw — but milliseconds before the umbrella snapped shut around it, Kravitz manifested in a puff of smoke, already dual-wielding sapphire scythes.

“Did you find Barry? Where is he?”

“He got away, I think,” Magnus sighed. “I probably shouldn’t have summoned you where he could see, but I rushed in because I was so worried about him hurting Taako —”

Noelle floated around Taako in tight circles, scanning him from all angles. “It doesn’t look he hurt you, but… I’m getting some traces of conjuration magic? Did you have a wizard’s duel or something?”

“Oh, god no. I probably wouldn’t be alive if we had,” Taako admitted. His heart was still pounding, but he tried not to let it show. “Conjuration magic, though… let’s see. That would probably be from when he — when he teleported me away from the mountain, after those rocks started falling.”

“Those rocks?” Noelle gestured towards the massive pile of rubble at the foot of the nearest mountain. “Those look like they could’ve killed you!”

“I know, right?” Taako replied. “Very uncharacteristically benevolent of him to show up when he did.”

“As great as it is that you’re not dead, Taako, it was also very convenient of him to show up when he did,” Kravitz paced across the hilltop, scythes crossed in front of him like the world’s most dangerous dowsing rods. “I can’t sense his presence anymore, meaning he’s squirreled himself away in some sort of warded hideout… but if he appeared out in the open here only shortly after you did, then that hideout of his must be nearby.”

He turned away from Taako, facing the mountains. “Which means he’s still nearby.”

Taako felt his hand grow warm, and looked down to see his Umbra Staff, energized from the absorption of the arrow… and pointing directly at Kravitz’s back.

“Let’s search the area.” Kravitz continued. “Leave no stone unturned —”

Taako pointed the Umbra Staff towards the sky — not a moment too soon. A beam of white-hot plasma pierced the clouds above and bathed the entire mountain range in daylight for a fleeting moment, before it fizzled out with a crackle of electricity and a whiff of ozone.

Kravitz whirled around. “Taako?!”

“I didn’t cast that spell! I don’t know how to cast that kind of spell!” Taako gasped. “My umbrella’s been acting up all night, but I didn’t know it could act up like this!”

Kravitz sighed and placed a hand on Taako’s shoulder.

“You know, on second thought,” he said, “maybe we should postpone the lich hunting until you get that thing checked out.”

***

Merle made a beeline for his bed the second the gang returned to the moonbase, while Taako took it upon himself to relay the night’s events to Angus as a bedtime story, and hopefully ensure that the kid actually got some sleep. Noelle had opted to stay planetside for a little longer and fly back up to the moon on her own later, explaining that she needed some time alone to process what had happened in Phandalin, and that left Magnus and Kravitz alone in the common room between the Reclaimers’ individual dorms.

“There’s no way Angus will relax enough to fall asleep in the next week if he hears about what happened tonight,” Magnus sighed, collapsing onto the couch. “Either Taako lies and says nothing happened, or he uses a sleep spell on a ten year old. You wanna make a bet on which?”

“I’ll pass. But you just reminded me, I actually have something for you.” Kravitz rifled through the interior pockets of his vest, pulling out a piece of shimmering blue paper. Although folded over on itself several times, it still felt almost intangibly thin, like parchment woven from cobwebs or even air itself.

Magnus raised an eyebrow, skeptical. “That better not be magical junk mail.”

Kravitz smiled, slowly shaking his head. “I spoke with someone in the Astral Plane today who had a lot of good things to say about you,” he explained. “She’s waiting to see you again, but hopes that day won’t come too soon, and… well, I haven’t read her letter, but I’m sure it speaks for itself.”

Magnus accepted the paper gingerly, eyes tearing up as he unfolded it to reveal Julia’s handwriting.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

Kravitz plucked a raven feather from his robe, transmuting it into a quill pen with a snap of his fingers before handing it to Magnus. “I don’t allow this kind of thing every day, so don’t go around telling too many people about it — but you can use this pen to write a response on the back. Fold it up again once you’re done, and it’ll make its way back to her.”

Magnus leapt up from the couch to crush Kravitz in a hug that would’ve knocked the air out of his lungs, had he still been alive and breathing.

“Thank you,” Magnus repeated. “Thank you —”

Taako barged into the room, Umbra Staff slung over his shoulder. “You wanna guess what ‘cha boi had to do to get the kid to go to sleep? I’ll give you a hint, it wasn’t — okay, what am I interrupting here?”

A joke no doubt on the tip of his tongue, he froze as he noticed the tears running down Magnus’s face. “You okay there?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I think so.” Magnus let go of Kravitz, wiping his eyes and picking up the pen and letter again. “I — I’ll be in my room. I need some time to… I just need some time.”

Taako nodded. “Don’t forget to get some sleep yourself. Apparently you humans need, like, eight hours of it, go figure.”

“He’ll be alright,” Kravitz whispered to Taako, as Magnus closed the door to his room. “He just got a letter from someone he hadn’t heard from in a while.”

“‘Course he’ll be alright. He’s Magnus, he’s indestructible,” Taako replied, but Kravitz could hear the relief in his voice. “And in case you were wondering, the way to get Angus to fall asleep is to read him a detective story, but only as a distraction while you’re preparing a Sleep spell.”

Kravitz chuckled. “You know, speaking of distracting — what’s with that flashing Chug ‘N Squeeze sign on the moon campus? I don’t think it was there when I visited you the other day.”

“Oh, that? I think it’s some kinda wine and pottery place — why, you wanna check it out? ‘Cause it’s supposed to open in a day or two, or so says all the hottest moon gossip.”

“Well, I mostly just asked out of morbid curiosity, but it does sound like something I could enjoy ironically — and maybe even unironically, as a break from all this lich hunting and detective work. Do you want to check it out with me?”

“Oh, a wine and clay vacation day with the Grim Reaper? That’s a hell yeah from Taako!”

***

The second Barry returned to his cave, he bolted straight for an unassuming chest beneath a pile of discarded scrolls and tattered jeans. Though it only occupied about two cubic feet, it was warded against everything from fire to water to acid, and sealed with an arcane lock — which Barry dismissed by uttering the passcode, emergency bonds.

From inside, he retrieved a handful of trinkets — a driftwood necklace from Merle, a wand that Magnus had once unsuccessfully tried to summon a dog familiar with, and most important of all, a dozen different wedding rings, all hewn from different materials and given in different ceremonies on entirely different worlds. Barry picked up the envelope beneath them and then gingerly placed them back in the chest, opening the envelope to look through the pictures it contained.

The shadowy essence of his lich form had stopped leaking out of his robe the second he’d opened the chest and been comforted with the wave of nostalgia, but he felt his soul stabilize even further as he pulled out the first picture. It was a candid shot of him, Lup, and Taako in the Starblaster’s lab, buried up to their elbows in notes as they studied the Light of Creation, which the camera had only been able to capture as a vague white blur. The three of them all had bags under their eyes, but they were still smiling. They’d been so determined to develop a new theory, to find the answers that would save them and their family.

And there was no reason for Barry to abandon that determination or give up on that goal now.

For the next four hours, he scrawled calculations on almost every blank scrap of paper he had at his disposal, comparing research he’s done half a century ago with papers he’d read on cycles even further back. He unfurled no less than five individual maps of Faerun, circling promising locations before changing his mind and scratching out all but a few that he’d personally visited in the past.

By the time his plan was complete, almost all of the rips in his robe had mended themselves — though he still looked unsettlingly threadbare, and he trembled slightly even while floating in one place.

How long did Taako say they have? Two months, as of the crystal incident? There’s no need to panic — I’ve got time. I just need to play this smart.

He extended his senses outside of his lair, scanning the surrounding area for Kravitz or another emissary of the Raven Queen — and there was indeed an undead presence lurking near Phandalin, but unlike Kravitz, it lacked even the faintest trace of celestial energy. Even stranger, its aura seemed shielded, but less so than a lich possessing a living body would’ve been… as if the soul was inhabiting an inorganic body, instead.

The robot no doubt sensed him approaching, but gave no sign of signalling for help, which made Barry feel much better about his decision to venture out of the safety of his cave.

“Mister Bluejeans? That you?” she asked, and the sound of her voice was all it took for Barry to connect a series of dots that couldn’t have been further from his mind just a few moments ago.

“I know you. You were in the Cosmoscope — and before that, you were in Phandalin. You were a halfling.”

“That’s right. I’m Noelle — Noelle Redcheeck. I’m surprised you remembered me.”

“I’m surprised you’re not furious with me,” Barry whispered. “I couldn’t save you, or anyone else in Phandalin — I’m so sorry, Noelle. Maybe, maybe, if I’d been in my lich form, I could’ve —”

“You tried your best,” Noelle assured him, “just like the Reclaimers. Really, the only person I should blame is whoever made that terrifying gauntlet in the first place —”

“No,” Barry interrupted. “I knew her, and I knew how implausible this will sound, but she didn’t want this. She tried her best to stop it, too.”

Noelle took a moment to reply. “It sounds like you know a lot of things that the Bureau doesn’t.”

Barry nodded. “Speaking of which… I really shouldn’t stay out here in one place for much longer, or someone will sense me, be it the Bureau or Kravitz. Do you mind if we take this conversation somewhere else?”

“Just lead the way.”

They headed not to Barry’s main hideout, but to a slightly nearer cave that he used mainly for storage but had placed equally powerful wards over. Abjuration had never been his specialty, but his ability to pick it up on the fly had been invaluable during his time as a rogue lich — and now, he thought, my abjuring might be the one thing that saves my family’s lives. Funny how that works out.

“So, Noelle,” he asked out loud, “I saw you with Magnus and Merle earlier. Do they know you’re still down here?”

“I told them I wanted to stick around Phandalin for a while and think about what happened,” Noelle explained. “Which, come to think of it, wasn’t a total lie — because I did want to talk to you about Phandalin, and I guess I got that chance after all. But I’m also here because I promised my detective friend that I’d ask you something.”

“Assuming your friend’s alive, then they probably won’t even be able to comprehend the whole answer — but fire away, and I’ll tell you what I can.”

“Did the Voidfish erase the fact that you were a lich?”

“Getting right to the root of the problem, huh?” Barry paused. “Hmm. Let me put it this way — the Voidfish erased all memories that could make me believe I was a lich. Whenever I’m alive, whenever I’m amnesiac, the idea that I could be a lich or even a necromancer just sounds like a joke. I’ve tried leaving messages to remind myself of that fact, after coming back to life — but my living self never believed it.”

“It sounded like a joke to Magnus and the others, too.”

Barry sighed. “That’s ‘cause they’ve lost a lot of memories of their own.”

“But… they’re innoculated. How is that possible?”

“Noelle, we’re well past the point where I need to warn you about keeping this conversation a secret from the Bureau, right? And… probably from your detective friend, too, assuming they work for the Director?”

“Yeah,” Noelle sighed. “Angus will be disappointed, but I understand.”

“There’s a second Voidfish,” Barry explained. “It’s very well guarded, and only the Director’s been innoculated by it — so she’s used it to erase all kinds of information, from the Reclaimers’ pasts to… a coming storm, which this world is unlikely to survive.”

“This storm… will it be worse than the Grand Relics? Worse than what happened to Phandalin?”

“It’ll be not just worse, but maybe even infinitely worse. Because it’ll go on to destroy worlds beyond this one, if we let it.”

Barry had forgotten what it felt like to speak so freely about his past and the Hunger, to speak without worrying that his words would be distorted by static, and more and more information just poured out, far more than he’d initially intended to share.

“There is an entity called the Hunger that seeks to consume all of existence, and it’s only a matter of months until it begins its assault on this planar system. The Director and the Reclaimers and I, we were all like family, and we worked together in search of a way to destroy this Hunger, but… we had some disagreements. And really, neither side was right, but Lucretia — Lucretia used the Voidfish to erase our whole mission, the Hunger included. I became a lich to protect my family from the Hunger, so… when I’m alive, I don’t have any memory of being undead. And my family doesn’t have any memories of me… aside from that time in Phandalin when I got Merle to stab himself with a fork, I guess, which probably didn’t leave a great impression.” He managed a bitter laugh.

“How long ago did they forget?”

“Almost ten years ago.”

“I’m so sorry.”

It dawned on Barry that he was having most sincere, two-sided conversation he’d experienced in a decade — and ironically, the realization left him at a loss for words.

The same couldn’t be said of Noelle, who continued on without hesitation. “I promised my friend Angus not just that I’d get answers, but also that I’d look out for the Reclaimers. I don’t want the Grim Reaper, or the apocalypse, or whatever’s coming to hurt them — or anyone else in this world, like Angus, or Carey and Killian, or my family in Hogsbottom — so please, Mister Bluejeans, tell me what I can do to help. I want to do something with this extra time the Reclaimers gave me.”

“If you get caught helping me,” Barry warned her, “you’ll be imprisoned one way or another — either on the moonbase, or in the Eternal Stockade, depending on who catches you.”

“Well first of all, it sounds like at the rate I’m going, I’m gonna end up either back in the Astral Plane, or consumed by this Hunger entity in a matter of months if I don’t do anything to help you,” Noelle replied. “And second of all, I’m not plannin’ to just give up and let them arrest me if I do get caught.” She cocked her arm cannon.

Maybe it was risky to accept help from someone he barely knew, but Noelle had seemed nothing but sincere — and Barry had spent so long working alone that frankly, he was amazed it hadn’t killed him yet. He was a creature of bonds and of love; he sought out companionship by both nature and necessity. He didn’t know if he could do this alone, but alongside another undead soul who could actually understand and help, he knew for a fact that he could.

“Welcome aboard, Noelle.” Barry chuckled. “First things first: I’ve tried to stay out of the Raven Queen and her servants’ ways, because they’re really not evil at all, but if there’s any chance of stopping the Hunger, then we’ll need Taako and the others’ help for sure. Which means we’re going to have to do something about the Grim Reaper situation —”

“You know, I might have something to help with that.” A drawer Noelle’s main body slid open, revealing a sapphire-tipped arrow. “Magnus figured we should all have some summoning beacons on our person, in case of emergency.” She winked. “But I was thinkin’ we could use it to lure him into some kinda sinister trap.”

She paused. “He can’t eavesdrop on us through this thing, can he?”

“Not if we don’t say his name. But I’d close that drawer for now, just to be on the safe side.” Barry said as he summoned a scroll and pen, then started jotting down notes. “This is all perfect, though! I already hashed out the spell theory for a plan, but you just made it about a billion times easier to pull off — not just because of the arrow, but because you can gather components, and I won’t have to risk him sensing my location and realizing what I’m up to!”

“Makes sense,” Noelle replied, looking over Barry’s list. “That’s all you need me to get?”

“Yeah. I was thinking most of it would be salvageable from the Miller Lab — uh, except maybe the iron filings, which are commercially available anyway.”

Noelle beamed. “I won’t let you down, Mister Bluejeans.”

“Thank you, Noelle.” Barry looked down at his robe, which looked less tattered and more vibrantly red than he’d seen it in years. “For everything.”

***

End notes:

Apologies in advance if the update schedule gets a bit less consistent from here on out, since I’ve burned through my pre-written buffer chapters, but I’ve at least got a solid chunk of Chapter 6 written and a detailed outline for the chapters after that! It’s just about getting into the write headspace to write.

as usual, comments/reblogs mean a lot!

#taz #taz balance #taako taaco #kravitz taz #taakitz #barry bluejeans #no-3113 #angus mcdonald #magnus burnsides #merle highchurch #julia burnsides #lup taaco #fic: FTRALA #rosalia talks #taz balance spoilers

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dansnaturepictures · 4 years

Photo

10 of my favourite pictures to take from 7th-13th June 2020 and recap of the week

As I stood looking at Marbled Whites butterflies and then Bee orchids at Stockbridge Down and then (briefly) Lakeside yesterday afternoon I had a thought. I didn’t want to take photos of them as I had taken pictures I was pretty proud of featuring the species only days before, albeit with the Marbled Whites yesterday I saw some unique image opportunities to the ones at Lakeside on Tuesday so did try in the end but wasn’t quite fast enough to take them before the butterflies flew. But the thought was that it didn’t seem like they were only days ago like it normally would as with working from home even on in places greyer and wetter days of late I am just producing so many images on daily walks and more. So if its like this for me a high turnover meaning images taken in the week proceeding this Saturday felt like ones from ages ago I dread to think what its like for my social media mutuals! More Twitter than Tumblr but I think similarly I do have such a high turnover at the moment. This isn’t a thought that worries me too much, I always console myself that they’ll always be churn I just can’t help it.

For Twitter especially a picture I take on a Sunday afternoon when life is normal I’m working all week perhaps in winter and then I don’t take another or don’t upload any old pictures for whatever reason until the following Saturday is always going to get an advantage being at the top of my profile and displayed in the six most recent images on the profile for longer than a photo taken the Wednesday of a week I’m off work say and am producing 10s of photos every day. Its just that every week feels like this at the moment, I have reasons when working from home to keep my finger off my camera button a bit here and there but mostly related to the subsequent processing of them clashing with things in evenings. But I’ve long realised whilst in these very weird times I am so lucky to be able to safely get out and walk in a varied, biodiverse and beautiful country park on my doorstep. I’ve also been extremely lucky of late with restrictions easing to safely get back to some of the more normal for us weekend walks we have been able to do and in many cases take unprecedented amounts of pictures for me on days really seeing amazing wildlife as well.

One way I’ve perhaps tried to give photos a chance to stick around a bit is by keeping my system of pinning my most interacted with new photo or wildlife sighting tweet to my profile each week, instead of it being just out of what I took at the weekend out of every photo taken the week prior. This week especially will be an exciting one to pick because all across social media but especially Twitter I seem to have had so many people interacting with my photos this week notably which has been happening more and more for a while really so I am so so grateful for that. A huge thank you to everyone for doing that, whether you’re a regular friend of mine on here or not. Seeing people interact even in a small way makes posting my photos so much more worthwhile. But this weekend I had the idea, a bit like one of my picks which I occasionally do where I either tweet what was my favourite photo to take that week or do a post on here with the context of that photo, to do this post. One big reason being doing the pick perhaps more regularly would help give photos that are maybe a bit lost in the crowd another chance to be seen as my photo of the week system which this replaced in 2017 did but the past week unlike the one before it there were too many standout photos (I hope I don’t seem big headed saying that) from different themes which every one of these tweets has to have now so it would be too time consuming to pick one. So below are captions to each pictures in order of appearance in this photoset, with a little bit about the day and if anyone is interested a link to the blog post I did on the night...

1. Common Tern at Pennington on Sunday, a great day to kick off this week with a variety of birds seen it really was a top late spring day of New Forest birding at a site I love so much and missed a lot in the stricter days of lockdown, including key year ticks my first Little Ringed Plover and Eider Ducks of the year.

2. A dramatic landscape at Pennington also that day

https://dansnaturepictures.tumblr.com/post/620294983274184704/7620-flowers-in-the-garden-pennington-walk-and

3. Young Goldfinch in the garden on Monday, alongside a lovely Lakeside walk around the lakes with my Dad at a 2 metre distance under the current restrictions a key moment from Monday was seeing and finally getting to photograph another adorable young bird in the garden with this Goldfinch.

https://dansnaturepictures.tumblr.com/post/620383808053739520/08062020-spider-from-my-last-night-in-my-room

4. Meadow Brown at Lakeside Country Park on Tuesday, one of my best days of butterfly watching this year thanks to a sweet 45 minutes or so at Lakeside characterised in part by a notable amount of these butterflies opening their wings which I don’t often see giving picture opportunities.

5. Marbled White at Lakeside also on Tuesday, the key part of my working week really after a few lunch times of looking in the area I am so used to seeing them in at this country park and that I nickname after them I was over the moon to come across this one it was a wonderful natural moment a key part of my year and felt like one of my best days for butterfly photographs in a week that had three of my best so far I feel all of which are in this post.

https://dansnaturepictures.tumblr.com/post/620477036347129856/09062020-flowers-and-marbled-white-and-more-on

6. Bee orchid at Lakeside on Wednesday, just metres from where the Marbled White was taken this day was very different with showers up until half way through my lunch break, by which point I stretched the legs at Lakeside after eating lunch and seeing this amazing wildflower which I photographed a bit further along in the walk last month with my macro and being able to capture it with raindrops still fresh with my big lens the only one I had on me was one of my greatest natural and beautiful moments this week.

https://dansnaturepictures.tumblr.com/post/620568869335105536/showery-wednesday-10th-june-2020-starlings

7. View at Lakeside that peaceful evening, Thursday was another wet and stormy this time day where garden birdwatching took a lot of focus to be honest as it did the latter half of this week as I didn’t know what quality of walks I’d get with showers for most of the afternoon and early evening, the lunch time one wasn’t very eventful that day but I did have a peaceful evening one as it got dry which this view summed up really.

https://dansnaturepictures.tumblr.com/post/620660235307270144/thursday-11062020-thunderstorm-the-calm-after

8. Oxeye daisies at Lakeside, Friday, another evening walk after another wet lunch time one which I did this time get out to Lakeside on. This was another flower picture and another oyeye daisy picture I am happy with this year. The day belonged to moths though supported by butterflies with Yellow Shell seen on both walks alongside my first ever Burnet Companion on the evening walk which was a fantastic moment alongside Meadow Brown, another Marbled White and another Small Skipper like my first of the year there a week prior as it got brighter in the evening.

https://dansnaturepictures.tumblr.com/post/620751463837319169/12062020-birds-butterflies-moths-and-more-at

9. Dark Green Fritillary at Stockbridge Down on Saturday, yesterday it was a butterfly classic for me at one of my favourite places to watch them headlined by this one of the next species I needed to see this year but another early sighting compared to previous years. We saw so many as well as other top species such as Small Blue (which I forgot to mention in my wildlife sightings summary yesterday!), Marbled White and Small Tortoiseshell. So many pictures taken yesterday too across wildlife, landscapes and flowers.

10. View at Common Marsh also on Saturday, with a call in at this nearby spot too it became a brilliant general wildlife day as I saw my first Sedge Warbler, Banded Demoiselle and Scarlet Tiger moth of 2020 too as well as loads of water birds.

https://dansnaturepictures.tumblr.com/post/620838370171666432/13062020-stockbridge-down-and-common-marsh-with

So there we are, another unforgettable week. I would add this is a one off right now and I don’t think I’ll be able to do this every week going forward. But if I get the time, maybe I will do now and again of a Sunday morning/early afternoon just so I know I am reflecting really. Thanks once again for your amazing and truly valued support!

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crazy-loca-blog · 5 years

Text

Personal Thoughts On Open Heart

When I first tried Choices, I said “I used to read this type of books (in paper, of course) when I was a kid, so let’s give it a chance… 5 minutes and then I’ll uninstall it”. And here I am, about 2 years and 45 books (and a lot of diamond purchases) later. But I never, ever felt so attached to a book as I am to Open Heart. I even recovered my forgotten Tumblr account, just to read stuff related to the book because I missed Dr. Ramsey and associates from Saturday to Thursday!

So I was just thinking about the final chapter (insert broken heart emoji here) and how there are lots of things that are still unsolved (and will probably remain unsolved or we would have like a 3-hour long chapter). It even made me think that this book was so successful that instead of shortening and rushing things (something that has been happening a lot in PB lately, let’s be honest), they may be trying to do the opposite, that is, to drag and delay some stuff as much as possible so they have plenty of interesting content for book 2 (and book 3?) as well.

I guess when the book was first released, most of us assumed the series was going to have three books, one per year: the first one would be about the competition, the second one about the MC joining the diagnostics team (after winning the competition, of course) and the third one about the MC finishing the residency and, of course, the wedding. But after the massive success of Open Heart and the lots and lots of things we want to know about every single character in this book, I’m beginning to wonder how many questions will be answered in chapter 17 and how many things will be left unsaid and unknown until book 2 arrives. So I had to make a summary a draft a list a long post the longest post I can think of now regarding the things I think will happen in the near future… or the things I WANT to happen in chapter 17 and in book 2 (or even afterwards, fingers crossed so we can get a book 3)…

The hearing: I’ve been trying to think about how things will go in chapter 17. For some reason, I think the tricks Ethan talked about when we saw him before the hearing are related to that empty chair the MC noticed in chapter 15. We know that the chair belongs to Naveen, so probably when he retired, that spot was meant to be Ethan’s. Also, we all saw Ethan quitting… but did he “officially” submitted his resignation to the board or was it just a verbal thing? I’m pretty sure that PB would have given us a scene with him taking his stuff out of his office, but that didn’t happen hasn’t happened yet. Also, we know there are 8 chairs, so my guess is that after 7 votes our MC will be losing the case… and that’s the moment where Ethan will come to the rescue to submit the 8th vote and make things even. So will there be a cliffhanger at the end of book 1? Who knows… part of me would love it because it would be a different and unexpected ending (we already know we don’t need a closure because we’ll be having a second book)… but I don’t know if I can wait months to discover what happened in the end. It would also be nice to see some type of unexpected plot twist during the hearing, as for example Aurora testifying for us or the snake Landry publicly recognizing that he sabotaged the MC, putting in danger the patients and ruining the MC’s reputation among the nurses.

The competition: since the snake’s Landry’s episode, we haven’t heard much about the competition. As Jackie said, with Naveen and Ethan out of the picture, there isn’t even a diagnostics team to join, so that made me think that PB is not even going to try to finish the competition in book 1, they’ll carry it to book 2 (Two books covering only the first year? That would be awesome, as it makes me dream of more than 3 books on the horizon… “a girl can dream”, said certain MC in chapter 10).

The hospital: Naveen is retired (and we still don’t know if he’ll live)… Ethan quit… Harper hates her current job. I’m guessing that book 2 will be all about chaos in the administration of Edenbrook. And for some reason, I can see Declan Nash and the contract that Ethan had to sign involved in all this mess (I’m guessing Panacea Labs will be our real PITA in this series).

Backstories: we know so little about our friends/LIs lives outside the hospital and about their past! We know that our beloved and hot smart ass Ethan (insert heart emoji here) doesn’t have a good relationship with his family, but we don’t exactly know what happened there. We also know that there might be something about Bryce and his family, and that’s why he decided to be as far from them as possible. We know about Elijah’s childhood and his parents being on medical debt, but it would be huge to be able to learn more about the difficulties he must face every day as a person in a wheelchair. We are just getting to know Aurora and how hard it is for her just to be herself because of her family name (I’d love to see her kicking some asses and showing everyone that she’s there because she deserves it, not because she’s Harper’s niece). The only thing we know about the MC is that there is a brother somewhere in the universe. But we still don’t know anything about Landry, Jackie, Sienna or Kyra’s past, so I expect to have a book 2 full of backstories.

The new roommate: that will have to be solved by the end of chapter 17 or in the first chapter of book 2 (because we have to pay the rent!). I definitely don’t want the snake Landry our old roommate to return to the apartment (does anyone want it that way, actually?) and I definitely see Bryce as the natural choice to fill that spot, I don’t see any other option.

The patients: of course we’ll keep receiving new cases in book 2, but I’d love to see PB giving some special treatment to Kyra. We do know that her fight is a long one and I’d love to see the MC right next to her every step along the way not only as her doctor, but as her friend. I’m still not sure if she is a LI or not, but I wouldn’t like her to be one or to become one in the near future. Don’t get me wrong, I love her, but right now I see the Kyra/MC relationship being the equivalent to the Dolores/Ethan relationship and even though I don’t want this to happen because it breaks my heart, I may see the same outcome in both cases, especially after Ines told Kyra that her survival chances were ridiculously low (insert broken heart emoji here).

New LIs: OK, so most of us have already chosen our fave LI (team Ramsey for life here… my heart, soul and body belong to him, please don’t let my boyfriend read this) so probably book 2 will be the one where we will make things official and become more serious about our relationships (especially if you’re dating Bryce, Rafael or Jackie… it took less than 2 chapters for Ethan and the MC to look like a married couple already so I think there isn’t anything to discuss there). But we definitely need at least one more LI and it has to be a female. My votes go to Aurora (I can see it like the Becca/MC relationship in TF series) and Sienna (just because she’s the sweetest!).

New relationships: again, now that we all are dating our fave LIs and living the honeymoon phase, what about some of our friends and LIs that received a “thank you, next” answer from us? We’re already shipping Elijah/Phoebe (even though they are not in a serious relationship yet, I can totally see him moving to her apartment at some point in book 2) and Sienna/Danny (like please PB! I’d be so happy if by the end of book 1 they go on a date! I need that thing to happen like NOW!). I’d personally LOVE to see Bryce dating Harper… I can totally see him dating an older woman (and of course I can see Harper having a hot toy boy in her life) and they’d be such an unstoppable power couple! We know he admires her a lot professionally speaking, but taking things to the next level would be like living the Ethan/MC love story all over again (except that I don’t think Harper sets boundaries as Ethan did tried to do). I’m also hoping for Ines and Zaid to confirm during chapter 17 if they are a thing or if they’re just friends… I think most of us ship them and a lot of people assume they’re already in a relationship as they’re seen together like everywhere… maybe we’ll have to play matchmaker once again in book 2? And if I have to choose some type of crazy match I’d say Aurora and Jackie. Can you image how they’d flirt? We wouldn’t even know if they are throwing shade or complimenting each other, but they’d love each other in their own twisted way.

Gossiping sessions with Sienna: this is simple: I always knew Sienna was going to become our bestie sooner or later, and I’ve been dreaming about a gossiping session with her since she told us she wanted to know every little dirty detail about that trip to Miami (has anyone written a fanfic about that conversation? that would be so awesome!). Please PB, just make it happen!!

Ethan: last but not least. No matter if he’s your LI or not, this man is a topic by himself. You just can’t deny he’s one the best characters that Choices has created so far (if not the best one… his character development is just amazing) and that he’s the main reason why we are so obsessed with this book. I’ll focus on him as a LI as well because that’s the route I took. I’m really hoping to see him returning to Edenbrook this week, after saving Naveen (please PB, give Ethan a break and let Naveen live! He’s had enough suffering already!), saving our MCs ass at that hearing and recovering his confidence as an attendant. If he returns, his biggest conflict in book 2 has to be how to be able to keep a relationship with the MC and being our mentor and our boss at the same time. He is madly in love, so this will be a constant struggle! There is also what I call “the Harper factor”. The reason why Ethan and Harper broke up was because she became his boss. Now Ethan is facing the same situation, but he is taking Harper’s place as the boss. How will she react? How will he explain to Harper that he’s doing exactly the same thing they used as the excuse for their breakup a year ago? Will we have another Harper/MC tense interaction in book 2 where they both will talk about Ethan? I’m seriously waiting for it to happen. Despite this, I’d love to see a kind of hidden relationship between them (I don’t remember PB doing that before) until they can’t just hide it anymore because it’s too obvious or because someone caught them (let’s face it, both the MC and Ethan fail miserably when they try to hide their feelings). I think something like this could work in this very specific case because no matter who your LI is, our MC tends to be a super private person and I don’t know if after all the things that happened in book 1 we would want to keep being the favorite topic in the nurses’ gossiping sessions. Wedding bells? Of course, but not yet… I even think the engagement may take place in book 3 (if we get there). Will we meet Jenner? I don’t think so, at least not yet (insert broken heart emoji here). A few days ago I realized that if you didn’t do the diamond scene or if you didn’t choose the option where Ethan talks about Jenner, you have no idea that he has a dog. Just do something about it, PB!!!!

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trysomecats · 4 years

Note

(Equation of a Lie anon) It was 1D and I'm pretty sure it was like Louis being a sub and failing a math test and then lying about it. Then his doms make him quit soccer?? Sorry if that's way vague it's been a while 😅😅 Also thank you for answering, you're super sweet!

Ah, yes, now I remember! I did remove that fic off of ao3 (for personal reasons) However, I have no problem with posting it on Tumblr, so here you go!:The Equation of a Lie

Summary: Louis’ grade in mathematics is slowly declining. If he doesn’t do something about it soon, his doms will make him quit the footie team. When he fails a major test, he keeps it from his doms, planning on retaking it behind their backs to save his grade. Unfortunately not everything goes to plan.

“Now, I have your tests to hand back. Most of you did very well, the class average was beyond exceptional. However, if you feel that you did poorly, you are more than welcome to talk to me and make arrangements to retake the test on Monday. After you all receive your tests, class is dismissed.”

Louis felt himself sigh internally with relief. Hopefully he counted as ‘most’ of the class. To be honest he hadn’t studied as much for this test as he should have. Maths was never his strong point, not to mention it was terribly boring. It also didn’t help that the professor, Mr. Winston, was a major ass.

Unfortunately when Louis received his test, his stomach dropped when he saw what his grade was.

One of the biggest expectations Harry and Nick had for him was to get good grades. School was important, they’d explained to him, especially university. This math class was the only class that he didn’t share with one or both of his doms. Naturally he’d slacked off a bit, knowing he wasn’t under their watchful eyes. His notes become shorter and careless, as did his studying.

Now, however, he was experiencing the consequences of his behavior. They would surely make him temporarily quit the footie team until he could bring up his grade, or worse make him stay off the team permanently as punishment. It was hard to tell, because Louis had only been their sub since June, four months ago. They were strict, but only when need be. Louis tried his best to behave for them, even if his new lifestyle was taking some getting used to. He hadn’t been planning on finding his soulmates so soon in life, but apparently fate decided differently.

Louis hid the test in the very back of his folder. He waited for most of the class to retreat before going up to his professor’s desk.

“Um, Mr. Winston?”

“Hmm?” The professor looked up. “Ah, Louis. I’m guessing you want to retake the test?”

“Yes please,” Louis nodded hurriedly, glancing at the clock. His doms would get here pretty quickly, and he didn’t want them to overhear the conversation. “You said I can retake it on Monday?”

“That’s right, you can just stay and take it after class. First we can go over any questions you have beforehand. You should look over your test this weekend though, and make notes of what you did incorrectly. Try to figure out the problems yourself.”

“Right,” Louis said quickly when he caught sight of his doms approaching the doorway. “Well, thank you Professor, have a good weekend!”

“Louis,” Professor Winston said sternly, halting the boy in his tracks. “Make sure you get that test signed by your doms as well, alright?”

“Y-Yes Professor,” Louis said, feeling like a rock had fallen into his stomach, and also getting a bit angry. Winston was always more unfair to subs than he was to doms. While it wasn’t considered uncommon for a professor to request a dom’s signature, it was still a rather dickish move.

Louis all but ran from the room, stopping at the sight of his doms. They had their hands entwined, looking at him with beaming smiles.

“Hi Love,” Harry kissed his cheek. “How was class?”

“Good!” Louis answered far too cheerfully. “Great, even.”

“I never thought I’d see the day where you answered so positively about a math class,” Nick said, taking his turn to kiss Louis’ cheek as well. “I take it that means you did well on the test?”

Louis swallowed, forcing a grin. “Yup! I guess all that studying paid off.”

“Just like we told you,” Harry said with a nod. “Hard work always pays off in the end. That’s why we’re so persistent, not because we’ve got sticks in our arses.”

The sub flushed, remembering a past argument with his doms in which they had withheld his phone until he’d finished his literature homework, prompting Louis to insult them in such a way as Harry had said. He’d lost his phone for a week and gone to bed with a sore bum that night.

“Well, it’s the weekend now anyway,” Louis reminded them. “We have two days to forget about school.”

“That’s right, was there anything special you wanted to do?”

“I was thinking,” Louis bit his lip as an idea came to mind. “Maybe I could see Niall? It’s been awhile since I’ve visited him.”

That wasn’t a lie at all; Niall wasn’t going to school right now, and Louis missed him dearly. He could visit his best friend, hang out for a bit, have him forge a signature for the test…it would be a good visit, really.

“That sounds like a lovely idea,” Nick smiled at him. “I’m sure Niall will be thrilled to see you.”

…

Niall ended up being very thrilled to see Louis, that is until he found out the real reason for his friend’s visit.

“I don’t get it, why can’t you just show it to them? If you’re allowed to make it up, they shouldn’t be too mad…unless you muck up the second attempt, that is.”

“Niall, you don’t know Harry and Nick like I do. They’re very insistent that I keep up my marks. Besides, they’ll find out that I’ve not been studying as much as I should be, and that alone will screw me over.”

“But why do I have to sign your test?”

“Because,” Louis said, shoving a pen into his friend’s hand. “Professor Fuckface knows my handwriting too well, and I’m shit at impersonating anyway.”

“Alright fine,” Niall consented, ”Give your test here then.”

Louis left Niall’s feeling quite content and confident that he could keep this whole math fiasco under the wraps. So long as he studied hard and did well on the retake, everything would work out just fine.

“I just hope everything goes well,” Niall muttered once the test was signed. “I don’t want my doms finding out. They wouldn’t really approve of something like this.”

“Niall,” Louis tsked. “Nobody will find out. Even if they did, I wouldn’t tell who signed my test. You’re completely safe in this whole thing.”

“Okay, I guess that makes me feel better,” Niall said, his smile returning. “Want to play fifa now?”

Louis grinned. “Let’s do it.”

…

It was three days after retaking the test, on Thursday evening, when the test had once again made an appearance into his life, despite him thinking it was all over with. Footie practice had been from three to five, and now Louis was on his way home.

Nick or Harry would often come to watch the end of his practice and escort him home, but today neither one showed up. Louis didn’t think too much of it though, and even felt proud that his doms trusted him enough to make it home by himself. He was always telling them that it was pointless for them to come, seeing as their flat was just a block from the university.

His stomach was definitely ready for food, and he hoped that Harry was making something good tonight for dinner. It was usually ready by the time he got home from practice, so his mouth was already watering at the possibilities.

To top off his already good mood, tomorrow was Friday which meant the weekend was practically here. This weekend Louis wanted to do something special with his doms. Perhaps they could go to the city’s amusement park, or have a picnic on the beach.

“I’m back!” Louis called, dropping his sports bag to the floor and kicking his cleats off. He grinned at the smell that had taken over the apartment, as it was obvious that a pot roast was in the crock pot. That meant garlic potatoes, crisp buttered bread, and a caesar salad were also in the works.

“Hazza? Nick?” He called out, as nobody had rushed out to greet him like normal. The sub meandered through the hall and to the kitchen, seeing his guess had been correct, as dinner looked almost done. There was no Harry in sight though.

“Come join us in the living room Louis!” Harry’s voice finally called out from the living room. Louis grinned, exiting the kitchen at a hurried speed so that he could see his doms.

“Hi guys,” Louis pecked Nick’s cheek and gave Harry’s arm a squeeze. “What are you doing out here? Dinner smells so good Haz, I’m starving! Coach had us run such hard drills today, but I did really well…”

The sub trailed off a bit, especially when he realized that neither boy was smiling. “Um, is everything okay?”

He hadn’t misbehaved today, had he? Louis wracked his mind for anything that could have happened today. He’d done all of his morning chores, behaved during his classes, answered each text his doms had sent to his phone…he’d been good.

“It sounds like you had fun at footie practice,” Harry finally said, though his voice didn’t contain any warmth. “Which is good, seeing as you won’t be going back anytime soon.”

Louis still wasn’t comprehending what was going on. “Huh?”

Nick cocked his head to the space in between he and Harry. “Sit down, Louis.”

The sub did as he was told, now feeling a bit cautious. What on earth had his doms in such a somber mood, and what was with the comment about footie? “Is everything okay?”

“Everything was okay,” Nick told him. “That is, up until about an hour ago, when we received a call from your math professor.”

Louis felt his face go white.

“He had some very interesting news,” Harry continued from where Nick had left off. “You see, he called to inform us that you failed the test that you took on Monday…re-took, actually. He suggested you be set up with a tutor immediately, seeing as you’re on the verge of failing the class entirely.”

Louis’ lips were parted slightly as he stared back at his doms. His brain was trying to process a dozen thoughts and emotions at once. He had been sure that this second time taking the test had gone well! This was not good, not good at all.

“It’s quite peculiar actually,” Nick said. “Professor Winston was under the impression that we knew about your struggles with the material, seeing as he has your old test, apparently signed by the both of us….”

“I think we both know that neither Nick or I signed that test,” Harry’s voice was low. “So now, Louis, the floor is yours. We demand an explanation immediately.”

The sub resisted a squeak, his mouth feeling way too dry. His mind was whirling, trying to come up with something reasonable to say. Evidently he was already quite screwed.

“I- I thought I had it under control,” He soon blurted out. “It was- I studied some more, and I thought I would do better. I didn’t want anything to get in the way with foot-”

“Well it’s a very good thing that you won’t have to worry about that silly sports team any longer,” Nick said. “You’re going to leave your phone down here and go upstairs to the guest bedroom.”

“Nick and I are going to eat the delicious meal that I’ve prepared,” Harry continued. “You, meanwhile, will get dressed in your pajamas and stand in the corner of the bedroom. Right now!”

“Y-Yes Sirs,” Louis’ felt his voice waver as he rushed to do as he was told.

The sub was unable to stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks as he changed into pajama shorts and a t-shirt before heading to the guest bedroom. Nobody ever went in here much, as they all occupied the main bedroom. This room was more or less only used for isolation punishments.

Once he was in the corner, nose pressed against the wall, Louis cried quietly. He felt very remorseful of his actions. If only he had just informed his doms straight away about the first test…they would have been a little upset, but nothing like this. There were a lot of behaviors that his doms disapproved of, but lying and deception were probably the worst.

His stomach grumbled, because he could still smell the delicious pot roast downstairs, but he would not be having any of it. This was not at all how Louis had expected his evening would be going. He’d been thinking more along the lines of a yummy dinner, hot shower, and lots of cuddles and kisses.

Now Louis’ stomach churned. He had never done something like this before, so he was unsure of what his punishment would be. A spanking, most likely, and obviously no more footie for awhile.

No more footie…

Louis let out a choked sob.

Missing dinner wasn’t that big of a deal. The sub knew he wouldn’t be able to stomach anything anyhow.

…

After dinner, as promised, Harry and Nick came upstairs.

“Harry and I have been talking, and your punishment has been decided. Now Louis, we’ve had many chats about your role and rules as a sub. You’ve broken some of the more serious ones with your recent actions. You’ve lied and deceived us, about school of all things. And you know very well how seriously we take your education.”

The sub could only stare at the floor, ashamed.

“Here’s what’s going to happen. Tonight your bum is going to feel the full force of what happens when you deceive your doms. Tomorrow the three of us are going to have a nice long chat with your math professor. Afterwards, we’re going straight to your football coach. You’re going to tell him that you won’t be on the team for the remainder of the season, because you’ve been a very bad boy.”

“Please!” Louis cried out as he sniffled. “I’ll do anything, just don’t make me quit footie. Please don’t!”

“Kneel!” Nick said sharply, causing the sub to instantly collapse to his knees. “Playing sports is a privilege, and subs who lie get their privileges revoked. From now on you’re going to be in tutoring four days a week after school. Then you’re going to come home and do homework. When you’ve finished your homework, you’re going to quietly study. Up until you have perfect marks for every course, if we hear a word of complaint from you, your bum will turn a nice shade of red.”

“Is that clear?” Harry asked asked a few seconds later, when Louis only continued to sob.

“Y-Yes,” Louis managed to say. “Y-Y-Yes Si-irs.”

“One more thing, before we get started. Who signed your test?”

Louis moaned lowly, refusing to look up.

“That’s not an answer,” Nick said. “Was it you, or someone else? Don’t even think of trying to lie to us again.”

“Niall!” Louis bawled. “Was N-Niall!”

Nick nodded. “I thought as much. Well Lou, now you’ve even gotten your friend into trouble. I hope you understand now that there are always consequences that come with actions.”

Louis was still too distraught to say anything, so he continued to weep at the feet of his doms, remorseful and guilty. Now Niall would be in trouble with his own doms, and it was all his fault.

…

Louis slept in the guest bedroom that night, lying on his stomach with a bottom that was on fire. Neither Nick nor Harry went easy on the physical part of his punishment. They didn’t use any objects of course, but thirty spanks on his bare bum from each of his doms was more than a little painful in itself, excluding the additional fifteen smacks on his sitting spots at the very tops of his thighs.

He didn’t get cuddles either. Usually his post-spanking treatment bordered on being spoiled, with cuddles and warm milk and soothing aloe on his rear. Instead he’d been sent straight to bed.

Nick and Harry were very firm this time, making it clear that he wouldn’t be getting any sort of comfort until after he explained to his coach that he was leaving the team.

That hurt a lot more than the spanking did.

…

The next day was no doubt the most humiliating thing that Louis had ever gone through. Neither of his doms said much of anything to him, though Harry did serve him a plate of pancakes. There were no cute whipped cream faces on them though.

At school Louis squirmed through all of his classes, his poor bottom still tender from the night before. When math (his last class of the day) had finished, it was time for his doms to meet with Professor Winston.

“Good afternoon Professor,” Nick reached out to shake Winston’s hand, and Harry followed suit. “We’re here for the meeting scheduled in concern of our sub.”

The professor greeted them professionally. “Yes of course, have a seat.”

It was embarrassing, having to listen to his doms and professor talk about him as if he were incompetent. The only good thing was that Louis didn’t have to speak much, although he was fuming at everything Winston was saying to his doms.

“Louis has been declining for weeks now,” Winston drawled on. “Always looking out the window and doodling in his notebook. I can’t recall him ever raising his hand, not once.”

These words appeared to irk his doms, much to Louis’ satisfaction.

“If it’s been bad for this long, why haven’t you contacted us sooner?” Harry demanded to know.

“W-Well,” The professor’s cheeks reddened, caught in his words.

Needless to say, the meeting didn’t last long after that. Unfortunately now came the even worst part of the day, which would be paying a visit to his football coach.

…

“Um, James?”

Coach Cordon looked up from his clipboard, his face instantly brightening. “Louis, hi! What can I do for you? I know you’re eager, but practice isn’t for another hour.”

“R-Right,” Louis swallowed, praying that he wouldn’t break down in front of his coach.

James then noticed Louis’ doms. He was already well acquainted with them, seeing as Harry and Nick attended all of Louis’ games and even sometimes practices. “Hello boys. Excited for the big game coming up?”

Louis felt like he’d been punched in the gut. James and the rest of his team were counting on him for this game, which was coming up in just a few weeks. Him not playing would leave them all screwed.

Harry cleared his throat. “I’m sure the game will go well. But James, Louis has something he needs to tell you.”

Harry’s solemn expression clued James in on the fact that some bad news was about to be heard. Louis, meanwhile, was biting his lip so hard that it was in danger of bleeding. He felt humiliated, being marched over here by his doms, like he was incapable of doing it by himself.

But that was a main point of this punishment, humiliation.

“I’m sorry James,” Louis took a deep breath, looking down because he was unable to look his coach in the face. “I can’t be on the team anymore. I was- I was bad. I’m so sorry.”

“Oh,” James sounded so disappointed. “You…You’re sure about this?”

Louis was quiet, until he felt a nudge. “Yes Coach. I’m sure.”

“Thank you for understanding James,” Nick said, resting a hand on Louis’ shoulder. “We should get going now. We wish your team the best of luck for the remainder of the season.”

Louis’ shoulders shook, chest tight as he tried to contain his silent sobs of despair. While some people might view it as something of little value, football meant everything to him, and to lose it was to lose a tremendous part of his life. It also hurt, knowing that his team had been counting on him, and he would be letting them down.

“I know that was hard,” Harry murmured, wrapping his arms around the distraught sub. “You were a very good boy today.”

Any other time Louis would have immediately sought comfort from his doms. Right now, however, he was too crushed to accept any sort of comfort, so he stood rigidly without returning the hug.

Louis maintained his distance the rest of the way home, planning to head straight up to bed and hide under the covers for awhile.

Nick caught him by the shoulder once they were inside their home. “Lou…”

“You said I was good, can’t I just be alone right now? I’ve got homework to do.”

They let him go, and had Louis looked back, he would have noticed their pained expressions.

…

Three weeks.

For three weeks now, Louis had been nothing but the perfect, studious sub. Through all his classes, Louis’ eyes never left his professors as he took diligent notes. Monday through Thursday, he would head straight to the tutoring center after his classes, where he would spend two hours working on math equations with the on hand tutors.

Once his tutoring was done, one of Louis’ doms would come to get him. Then would come the time for any additional homework from his other classes. Dinner would happen somewhere during this time, and afterwards Louis would simply study for any upcoming quizzes or tests before going to bed.

Nick and Harry weren’t mad at him anymore. They hadn’t been, really, since after the night they had found out about the test. That didn’t mean the punishment still wasn’t in effect, but the doms acted like everything else was normal.

Louis knew he had done wrong, he really did. Despite this, the sub couldn’t help but feel peeved about the situation. He would never be outwardly rude to his doms, but he still found other ways to make sure his feelings were known, mainly by acting distant while still retaining the politeness that was required of him.

“Louis,” Harry’s voice drew Louis away from his english essay, which he was putting the final touches on despite it being due almost two weeks from now. “What’ll it be tonight love, pasta or fajitas?”

The sub gave a small smile. “Whatever you’d like, Sir.”

Harry’s hand rubbed at his shoulder. “You don’t have a preference?”

“No Sir,” He answered, looking back at his computer screen, where his essay was on display.

The dom peered at the screen as well. “Is that your subculture essay? That’s not due till the sixteenth.”

Louis continued to type. “Yeah, m’just getting it done early.”

“Well,” Harry seemed to struggle with something. “Why don’t you take a break and help me with dinner, okay? It’ll give your eyes a break.”

Louis did so, both to appease his dom and due to the fact that Harry had been right about his eyes needing a break from the computer. Besides, normally on nights when Louis didn’t have footie, he would hang out in the kitchen with Harry while dinner was being made.

Harry had probably been missing that, just like Louis had been.

…

Later that night, after a dinner of fajitas, both of his doms asked to speak to him in the master bedroom.

Nick touched his cheek. “Harry and I have been talking, mostly about your punishment.”

Louis stared back at them silently as an indicator to go on.

“Well, you’ve pretty much caught yourself up in all of your courses now. You’ve even gone beyond our standards. Therefore, we both agree that this speaks loudly at the fact that you’ve handled your punishment very well.”

Harry touched the sub’s cheek. “To be honest, we also miss seeing your lovely smile. Louis love, you know why we had to punish you, right?”

“I do,” Louis nodded solemnly. “I hid my test from you, and then went behind your backs and lied.”

“Right,” Harry said. “I’m glad you understand. You’re no longer on any restrictions, so long as you maintain steady grades.”

“We also understand that outdoor footie season is almost over,” Nick added. “But winter signups for indoor footie are next week, and you have permission to join if you want.”

There were a lot of different emotions circulating in Louis’ head. While he was still upset at the fact that he’d had to miss the biggest game of the season, he was also ashamed of the way he’d handled his math test. Perhaps the consequences would have been less severe had he been open and honest.

He was also feeling very remorseful about dragging Niall into the situation. His friend had warned him, but Louis hadn’t listened. He was so desperate about staying on the team, but in the end that desperation was what put him in this situation.

This was the hardest Harry and Nick had ever been on him. It was clear that neither of them liked punishing him in such a way. Yes, they had been very angry the day they found out, but that anger had vanished by the next day. These past few weeks they had been nothing but loving, and it was Louis who had resisted that love.

Being a matched sub was still such a new concept for Louis. Sometimes it left him disgruntled, while other times it left him feeling like the happiest person alive. No matter what, one thing was clear. His doms loved him very much.

“That sounds nice,” He smiled tentatively at them, getting two warm smiles in return. “And I really am sorry. I promise I won’t ever go behind your backs like that again.”

“Everyone makes mistakes Lou,” Harry told him. “You’re forgiven- have been forgiven, ever since you talked to your coach. We both know how hard that must have been. Footie means a lot to you.”

“Yes it does,” Louis agreed. “But you guys mean more to me than any sport ever could.”

He spoke the truth.(If anyone thinks of other fics I removed from my ao3, feel free to reach out and I’ll post them on tumblr!)

#1dfic #harry/nick/louis #this used to be on my ao3 #dom/sub

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redbelles · 5 years

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kastle prompt ficlet

for the lovely @ltfrankcastle (tumblr ate the ask when i tried to answer it, wtf!!!!!!) for the prompt “frank comes over one day and just... doesn’t leave. karen isn’t prepared for it, or just doesn’t consider it, but one day they run out of coffee and frank literally cannot function.”

also for @karenpage b/c she’s had a hell of a time recently and i love her muchly

title from “leather and lace” by stevie nicks and don henley because of reasons, okay? okay.

stay with me (stay)

He shows up at her door three months later, flowers in hand, complete with hangdog expression. She shouldn’t let him off the hook so easily, but shouldn’t hasn’t ever really mattered much when it comes to Frank.

“I had no idea The Punisher was so old fashioned.”

“Karen—”

“Just— shut up and come inside.”

Frank may be a goddamn idiot sometimes, but he’s far from stupid. He shuts up and comes inside.

The flowers go in a vase on the coffee table. White roses again, dotted with carnations. He’s either figured out her favorite flower or he’s the luckiest idiot in New York. Probably the former, given how their luck tends to run. It makes her chest ache just thinking about it.

She sets the vase down and turns away before her hands start to shake, fumbling with her phone. The number for Ming Wah Chinese is saved in her contacts. Good thing, because she’s not sure she’d get it right if she tried to dial from memory. She and Frank share approximately half the menu and a beer or two, sitting quietly on her couch.

She stays up as long as she can, until her eyes are gritty and she can’t stifle her yawns, and then she has to call it a night. He stays put as she moves through her nightly routine, scrubbing away the last traces of makeup, wrestling with the toothpaste because she keeps forgetting to buy a new tube; at the end of it, she stands in the doorway to her room, trying to commit the sight of him to memory.

No blood, no bruises. Frank Castle at rest.

She can’t fight down the lump in her throat, but she forces herself to speak around it. She wants to go to bed and pretend he’ll be there in the morning. Wants to pretend he can stay. Three months ago, she might have taken it on faith, trusted him and just— swallowed down the hurt if she was wrong. Now…

So make it mean something.

He couldn’t. Can’t. Now, she needs ground rules.

“Frank?”

“Mmm?”

“Don’t leave without saying goodbye.”

A grin pulls up the corner of his mouth, ragged and rueful.

“Yes ma’am,” he says, more apology in those two words than she can handle at 11 pm on a Thursday.

Her heart clenches in her chest. This is why she forgives him again and again, her own better judgment be damned; he’d rather face a bullet than offer himself a little kindness. Still, she can’t bring herself to regret it.

“Okay.”

Sleep doesn’t come easy that night, but when it does, it’s dreamless.

The apartment smells like fresh coffee when she wakes up, the familiar scent drawing her out of bed before her alarm even has a chance to go off.

Frank is leaning against her counter, staring at her janky old coffee maker like he can will it to work faster. He’s nicked the throw blanket off the back of her couch, wrapped it around himself like a shawl. The sight is so unexpected that she bursts out laughing.

He blinks at her like an owl, sleepy and vaguely disgruntled.

“Here,” she says, taking pity on him. She prods the machine with the ease of long practice until it finally starts percolating in earnest.

“Don’t know how you live with that thing,” he mutters, voice raspier than she’s ever heard it.

“I work with a pair of broke lawyers and I freelance as a journalist on the side. You’re lucky I’ve got a working coffee maker at all.

Frank grunts in response, but it’s a familiar sound, fond.

He’s on his second cup when she leaves for work. She can’t quite bring herself to say goodbye—afraid she used up all her luck last night, and this time he’ll take it more literally than she means it—so she takes a page from his book and presses a gentle kiss to his cheek. He smells like coffee and apple-scented laundry detergent, the kind she uses because it’s always on sale. From the blanket, no doubt, but it makes her smile all the same.

She carries the smile with her all the way to the office, where it lingers until Foggy gets suspicious and starts asking questions.

“A date, Karen? Snagged your favorite pastry at the deli this morning? The New York Post finally published that retraction you’ve been after? C’mon, spill. What’s got you grinning like a loon over there?”

“Apples,” she says, like that’s a reasonable answer. Matt and his super senses aren’t in yet, so Foggy can’t look to him for back up, but he doesn’t let that stop him. He scoffs and keeps at it, like he can ferret out the secret if he’s just persistent enough.

“It’s no big deal,” she promises, still grinning.

“Denial! That means it’s absolutely a big deal.”

“If the court reporter reads back my remarks, you’ll see I did not—”

“—hey, hey! Don’t you John Mulaney at me, Karen, we’ve talked about this!”

Frank stays.

He comes and goes during the day—either that or groceries have started magically appearing in her fridge—but he stays.

The first weekend is hard, a little awkward. He fumbles through an apology for the way things played out in the hospital, winces when she tells him if he’s making amends he has to make them to Amy and Curtis and probably Madani. He draws the line at Mahoney, and she lets it slide. Brett’s had enough of them for a while; she’ll let Foggy ply him with cigars before they try anything else. Let him get his equilibrium back.

“You scared me,” she admits. “If Amy hadn’t been there, if Dinah and I hadn’t come back in time—”

She breaks off, sucks in a shaky breath. Tries again. “Maybe it was selfish of me to ask you to fight through it, to live with it, but you can’t do that again. You can’t just— lay down and die. You have to promise me you’re past that.”

His eyes are glassy with unshed tears, but he meets her gaze without flinching.

“I’m never gonna be past it, but I’m here.”

He reaches out, cradles her hand between both of his. His palms are warm and callused, achingly familiar. She’s in so goddamn deep.

“That enough of a promise for you, Karen? Because right now that’s all I got.”

“Yeah,” she says. “Yeah, that’s enough.”

So he stays.

He’s there when she goes to bed, there when she wakes up. He gripes about her coffee maker, folds the throw with military precision when he’s not wearing it like a cape, and tries to get her to eat something homecooked at least once a week. It’s— nice. More domestic than anything she’s imagined since he burst into her life in a hail of gunfire and graveled promises, but. Nice.

She kisses him on the cheek like ritual now, every morning before she goes to work. He never denies her, never tries to dodge away, but he never takes her up on the implicit invitation. Never turns to meet her halfway, never gives into the mutual ache between them and just— kisses her.

Maybe once upon a time, she’d have pushed, but not now. He’s here; that’s all that matters, really. He’s here, and he’s safe. Anything else is just... wishing. She’s greedy for him, for everything and anything he can give her, but she can live with this.

Still, she leaves the bedroom door open at night, just because. A silent offer, easy enough for him to ignore if it’s too much. And maybe it is, but there’s a part of her that’s always going to hope.

She falls asleep listening to the sound of his breathing, just a room away, and lets herself dream.

A case blows up so badly that she spends a week and a half working past close. It doesn’t bother her—she worked stranger hours at the Bulletin—but when the schedule is finally back to normal, Matt and Foggy (mostly Foggy, let’s be real here) tell her go ahead and take the rest off the week off. Karen’s many things, but she’s not a fool. Desperate for a shower after a night spent at the office, she takes them up on it, breezing out the door just before noon and hailing a cab.

It’s quarter to one by the time she makes it through midday traffic back to her apartment. She still doesn’t really know what Frank does with his days, but if he’s around, she’s thinking maybe a late lunch? She’ll even try her hand at cooking if he’s willing to risk potential food poisoning.

Instead, she walks into her apartment to find Frank sprawled out on the couch, dead asleep. He stirs when she shuts the door, the click of the deadbolt making his eyelids flutter.

“Karen?” he rasps, and her heart beats out of time. Former Spec Ops soldier, comfortable enough in her apartment—safe enough—to let his guard down. To trust that it’s her.

“Hey, sleeping beauty.” Her voice is admirably steady.

He makes a pathetic noise and rolls to face her, sleepy and disgruntled.

“Coffee maker’s broken,” he mumbles. The combination of gravel and petulance in his voice is fucking adorable.

“Want me to go take a look?”

She expects him to say yes. She’s already moving toward the kitchen when he reaches out and snags her hand, pulls her close, until she’s directly in front of the couch, struggling against the urge to cradle his face, run her fingers through his stupid fluffy hair.

“Nah,” he says instead, tugging gently at her until she folds herself down onto the couch with him. It’s not a perfect fit, not by any means. Her couch is tiny, and she and Frank are about the same size, give or take some muscle. A lot of muscle. The point is, it’s a squish, but—

She scoots down until she can rest her forehead against the crook of his neck and just breathes, savoring the warmth and the calm, the quiet of the moment.

Frank Castle at peace.

“Nah,” he says again. “Got everything I need right here.”

“Mmm. That so?” It’s a good thing he can’t see her face right now, because the hope on it right now would shatter him. She knows that in her bones.

“Yeah.” He swallows. “Yeah, that ah, that open door mean what I think it means?”

“Anything,” she tells him, so honest she nearly chokes on it. “Anything and everything. Whatever you want it to mean.”

His fingers tighten around hers, his other hand moving to stroke down her back, gentle but lingering. Just past this side of platonic. Karen bites at her lip, fighting back a shiver when his hand settles on her hip, warm and full of promise.

“Okay,” he says, all traces of sleep gone, nothing now but heat and smoke.

Still—

“Okay,” she echoes back. Presses a kiss into the skin beneath his jaw, once, twice, three times, then stands, tugging at his hand until he unfolds himself and joins her. She grins, made helpless with delight at the sight of him, whole and safe and hers. “But first, let me show you how to defeat the coffee maker,” she teases. “ I don’t want you falling asleep on m—”

Frank cuts her off mid-word, a sweet kiss that turns sly and filthy halfway through, both of them too hungry for each other to bother going slow.

He’s panting when he breaks away, the corner of his mouth kicked up in a grin as he hoists her up into his arms, cradling her against his chest like it’s nothing.

“All due respect, ma’am,” he says, moving toward that open bedroom door, kicking it shut behind them as soon as he’s across the threshold. “Coffee can wait.”

[read on ao3] // [buy me a coffee?]

#frank castle x karen page #kastle fic #kastle fanfic #kastle #*writing #why is the formatting so fucked up on mobile!!!!!! why is this hellsite the way that it is!!!!!!#@everyone i cannot seem to Unfuck the mobile formatting i'm sorry but you all just have to Suffer

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rankakiu · 5 years

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Thoughts of the Droid: Miraculous Ladybug Season 3: Miraculer

Hello, people of Tumblr! How has life treated them? As always, I hope very well. Last Thursday the chapter "Miraculer", belonging to the third current season of the Miraculous Ladybug series, was released. If you read a previous post that I shared with you, you will know that it is one of the two episodes that most interested me, when the synopsis of all the chapters was leaked. And also, if you read that post, you will also know that this chapter, along with that of "Miracle Queen" are the ones that I feared most since it gave the possibility that they were the most horrible episodes to be centered on the character of Chloé Bourgeois. (And if you did not read my previous post, I leave you again the link ... come on, give me the pleasure and get up to date XD).

Finally came the release day of Miraculer, and a couple of days later you have me here; I have already seen the chapter in question and I share my impressions and opinions of it, summarized briefly on these points.

WARNING: NOT SPOILER-FREE. Read at your own risk

What I liked:

* There is a consequence for an act: We can see that Ladybug no longer considers Chloé for her role as Queen Bee, obviously because the blonde was foolish to reveal her heroic alter ego. Here the interesting thing is that Ladybug knows that Chloé really has potential for such work, only that she has opted to officially withdraw her to protect Chloé and her family, her teammates and all of Paris. For those who were looking for a consequence of Chloé having revealed her heroic alter ego so sloppily, this chapter can certainly leave them satisfied. It may not be a crude or dramatic consequence, but it is a consequence after all.

* Sabrina / Miraculer: Undoubtedly the most outstanding quality of the redhead is her undying loyalty. And in this chapter that quality is shown again. We have Sabrina, supporting her friend as best she can. We also see how to some extent she understands and shares Chloé's frustration. And the cause of its akumatization is quite understandable. It is not the worst or best reason, but it is an acceptable one.

As for its appearance, I'm going to say it from the beginning. Her design, in fact, is not the worst of all, but I also feel that they could try a little harder. We have a simple Akuma design, but it is within the acceptable. The simple design was able to compensate with powers that in my opinion are quite creative and ingenious, since we see that Miraculer can use them as many times as she wants and also showed how she knew how to use them, putting the group of heroes in constant danger. Something striking in this chapter, in which we witnessed a few flashbacks that show that, despite everything, Sabrina and Chloé can truly have moments of real friendship, where I can even appreciate that the blonde sometimes treats Sabrina as her equal and not as a servant. If only we had more moments like that ... To finish this point, I ask all of you, does Sabrina not look cute and tender in that Chat Noir costume? Am I the only one who thinks like that? (XD)

* Mayura and Hawk Moth: We see a very manipulative facet in these villains. They know with absolute precision what to say and what buttons to press to convince a person or to question what they believe in. It is a little disturbing to see Gabriel and Nathalie smile in that sinister way (Ah, you evil-doers! XD). Of course, I do not leave aside that apparently their alliance with Lila Rossi seems to work wonders.

* Funny moments: There is not much to comment, except that the comedy moments work quite well, at least they did make me laugh at ease or get me a big smile.

* Chloé: Maybe this is the most controversial point of my review. While we did not see any good or significant development, at least we could see some interesting points in her character. For example, the one who she resisted the influence of Hawk Moth, convincing herself to be a superheroine, very much in spite of not yet understanding what the concept represents in its entirety. Basically, we saw a Chloé with enormous willpower not to be corrupted by the promises of Hawk Moth ... for now. Another interesting point was how she finally breaks a photograph of her and Ladybug and how she also declares that she no longer wants to be like Ladybug.

Something this simple would not attract attention ... would it? In my opinion, if it catches my attention and is that we see an angry Chloé because Ladybug denies her to be a hero definitely; and more, here we see that she has stopped idolizing Ladybug and no longer has her as an example to follow. She has begun to lower Ladybug from the pedestal so high that she had the spotted heroin. I also highlight the small conservation that she and Ladybug had, where the heroine directly explains her reasons for why Chloé cannot continue to be Queen Bee. It is there where you can see that Chloé did not make her tantrums so characteristic of her, but you know and feel that she is really furious, only that this time she has managed to hide it very well.

What I dislike:

*Chloé returning to be the cause of an akumatization: Frustrating. And the worst of all was her friend Sabrina again. Although we are sincere, that was already seen coming since they revealed the synopsis of the chapter.

* "I don’t want to be like Ladybug": It is this part of the chapter that, being honest with you, does not leave me a very good feeling for the future of Chloé, my favorite character. Hawk Moth says the phrase: "Queen Bee will change her mind" and hence leaves me with little expectation for what is coming in the future of the series. In this chapter we see how Ladybug denies Chloé being Queen Bee, we see how Hawk Moth and Mayura try to convince her to move by their side and how Chloé finally stops idolizing Ladybug. All this is combined to form a perfect recipe: to turn Chloé into a villain. And I will be honest again with you. I do not like that possibility at all ...

* Chloé being deceived by Lila's lies: When I saw those scenes, in particular, I exclaimed and said: "Come on girl, how did you fool yourself with such nonsense?!" Although I recognize something: the writers made the coincidences happen in a natural way for Chloé to believe Lila's lies.

Some questions to ask

I insist again (like the parrot that I am XD), that I totally dislike the idea of Chloé becoming a villain. But if the situation occurs, (most likely in the chapter "Miracle Queen"), I raised these doubts that could well give for a whole debate or brainstorming.

If Chloé becomes a villain, would she be like Queen Bee or like some Akuma? If the second option is given, who will occupy the Miraculous of the bee? Would it be the case that being a villain, she will see the light again and reform her way or she would be a definitive villain for the rest of the series? How would Audrey and André, their parents, react to such a change? And Adrien and Sabrina? Would Adrien as Chat Noir try again and again to make her see reason, or would she take sides with his other companions to stop her?

As you can see, many questions and all of them will be answered as time passes, which is less what I like.

In conclusion, Miraculer ended up being for me a bittersweet, but enjoyable chapter. A quite acceptable chapter, but it is advisable not to get lost to see how the future events of the series will develop. If you ask me, I thought that this chapter would be a disappointment and ended up being a bit better than I expected. Now there is only the second chapter that I hope and fear the most: "Miracle Queen". And rest assured that I will also give you your respective review. Without further ado, I hope you enjoyed this little post and my opinions. We read later and until next time.

Greetings

Rankakiu

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camillemontespan · 5 years

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the interview [drake walker x mc]

So I wrote this a while back (actually before I joined Tumblr) and it’s been festering in my document folder. I thought I would share just because? It sort of links up with the rest of my fics, except for the mention of the assassination attempt at the palace. It’s a different style of writing than I do usually, I read a lot of Vogue and Red so I hope I’ve managed to show that this is from a journalists POV? It ends abruptly because I gave up on it after a while. p.s is it tragic that I made a magazine cover to go along with it?

@jovialyouthmusic @pug-bitch @drakesensworld @moonlightgem7 @tacohead13 @sirbeepsalot @katedrakeohd @ifyouseekheart @notoriouscs

NOTE: They say in the interview that they were ‘just friends’ first and they ‘didn’t sneak around’ which the journalist believes as they’re so convincing, but we all know that’s not the case, am I right?!

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‘At the end of the day, we’re just a normal couple thrust into this world together.’

When Trend suggested that I spend a week with the most famous Duchess in the world right now and shadow her, I laughed. I didn’t expect her to agree to it and I certainly didn’t expect to be sat opposite her a few days later for breakfast. But here we are.

if you have been hibernating under a rock this past year, I will summarise. Camille Montespan, the Duchess of Valtoria, married Drake Walker a year ago. The Duchess - though she tells me to call her Camille- was originally plucked from obscurity when she met the King of Cordonia on his pre-bachelor trip to New York. In a perhaps ridiculous turn of events, she was taken to Cordonia to compete with other noble women for his hand in marriage. Instead, she found herself falling for his best friend, Drake, and turned down the King’s marriage proposal to be with him instead. She and Drake married at the Walker family ranch in Texas (no media presence was allowed) and the King honoured them with their own duchy. They are now the Duke and Duchess of Valtoria.

Camille bursts out laughing when I relay the timeline to her. ‘Oh my God, it sounds like a cheesy Hallmark movie!’ She apologises for the laughter, wiping at tears that have formed. ‘It’s just… that is exactly how it played out and it sounds ridiculous whenever someone summarises it for me. I lived it but it is still so strange to hear it from another perspective…’

This morning, I am sat opposite Camille to have a relaxed breakfast out on the terrace, which overlooks the mountains of Valtoria. Drake is running late but will be joining us soon. Camille is wearing a cashmere grey sweater, ripped blue jeans and a pair of TOMs plimsolls. Her dark hair has been pulled up into a messy bun. She looks like one of my friends who I grab brunch with back home, not a Duchess. She had even made sure that it’s just her speaking to me with no PR or assistant hovering around. It is honestly refreshing. Camille pours me a cup of coffee. ‘Do you take sugar or milk? Just sugar? Or just milk? Or even just black?’

I tell her one sugar and a slug of milk, commenting most people I interview tend not to offer. She tucks a stray lock of hair behind her ear and blushes. ‘Well, I did used to be a waitress… also, it’s rude not to ask!’

It’s hard to believe that Camille used to be a waitress in New York, working overtime and trying her hardest to earn tips so she could afford to rent her studio apartment. Despite her casual outfit and hairstyle, she exudes an air of elegance. Her posture is straight and she makes eye contact when speaking, her voice clear and confident. Clearly, her time at court when she was vying to win the King’s hand rubbed off on her. I am about to ask how married life is going when the man in question enters the terrace. I stand up to greet him and he shakes my hand, smiling broadly. He apologises for being late, ‘I was finishing a call with Liam.’ He means the King. Drake is tall, broad shouldered and rugged. His dark hair is tousled and he is wearing a blue denim shirt which is open over a white vest, jeans and boots. He looks like he should be outdoors chopping wood. Drake throws Camille an apologetic smile and leans down to give her a soft kiss. He settles himself into a chair beside her. ‘Sorry, please carry on,’ he tells me, smiling warmly. I feel positively gooey with his eyes on me.

‘How is married life treating you both?’

The couple look at each other, smiling. ‘I love it,’ Drake says first, surprising me. I have been told he is this brooding and silent type, but so far, he is proving this wrong. ‘It’s crazy to think we’re at this place. We are together, married, united… our own little family.’ He places a hand on Camille’s stomach and the couple beam at me. That is the other reason for my article. Camille and Drake are expecting a baby.

The couple announced the news two weeks ago. The media frenzy was relentless. Everyone wondered how the Duke and Duchess would cope with their own duchy and a new baby all in the space of a year. ‘People tend to think we’re going to fail,’ Camille says quietly. Drake squeezes her hand and I realise what makes them work. For them, it is Drake and Camille vs the world.

Camille apologises for her admission. ‘It’s just that we have had to deal with everyone’s eyes on us. Many people -mostly nobles- are waiting for us to trip up, to prove that we’re just commoners who don’t deserve our place in Cordonia. That we made a baby quite soon, as if it was a mistake…’ she trails off. Drake sighs. ‘We constantly expect to be met with criticism because that’s how it’s always been,’ he finishes.

He is right. Ever since Camille arrived at court, the media made sure to follow her everywhere, trying to find moments when she was wearing the wrong outfit to a court event or if she addressed a noble incorrectly. She was expected to learn all about Cordonia’s traditions and take part in their national games to prove she was worthy of the crown, with many nobles hoping she would fail. Drake was part of the crowd at court. His father had been part of the Royal Guard, so Drake, despite not being a noble, was a permanent fixture at court and King Liam’s best friend. ‘I never fit in at court. I still don’t,’ he admits. ‘I will never see the point in having all the different types of cutlery at dinner or the tiny finger food they serve at parties. I can’t stand champagne.’ He gives a smirk and looks down. ‘I’m much happier when I’m outside, hiking, fishing or camping.’

Camille takes his hand and smiles at me, the past awkwardness now gone. ‘We’re trying our best to make our lives as normal as possible.’

Their routine entails waking up early to have breakfast out on their balcony - the terrace we are currently sat in is only for guests. The balcony juts out from their bedroom so it is a private space for them. After breakfast, Drake calls King Liam to discuss matters while Camille sets herself up in her office, answering emails and making appointments to meet with the citizens of Valtoria. I ask her how she is finding this sudden change in career path. She considers her answer.

‘It’s a monumental shift… I’ve never felt such enormous responsibility before. I often worry that they might realise how bad I am at this and will be sent packing.’

Luckily for her, the public adores her. They see her as one of the people because she is. They see a genuine woman who wants to do right by Valtoria and prove that she can help. She tells me that she has five public appointments a day. Those appointments vary from visiting hospitals to cheer up sick children, meeting potential charities to add to her charity list and meeting with the governor of Valtoria to discuss policy. She also hosts an open house every Thursday from 1pm-4pm, whereby the public of Valtoria can visit her actual home and discuss important matters with her. An open house hadn’t been done in 200 years, until Camille asked the King if she could start it up again. ‘I enjoy meeting the public, it’s nice to get to know them and work together to make things better.’

As an added touch, if a commoner visits the open house with their children, Camille makes sure a box of toys is laid out in the Garden Room so that the children can play and not feel bored while their parent talks shop. It is a hint of the kind of mother Camille might become, making sure that even her young public are looked after. I ask what Drake does while she is doing all of these things. She grins. ‘He goes out and meets with farmers. He wants to keep the natural beauty of Valtoria with its rivers and trees, he hopes to make sure that the land is preserved.’ Drake nods and joins in. ‘I want to make sure the farmers are growing their best produce and that the animals are well fed and keep producing. I’d like to see Valtoria prosper, perhaps make large parts of it into conservation areas.’

I ask Drake how he is finding being a Duke. He winces. ‘I still can’t get my head around it. I’m still that guy who stands in the corner of the room at a ball, not wanting to dance, not wanting to eat any of the fancy food, I just want a drink…’

I have to ask the all important question. Camille was at court to win the King’s hand but she decided to be with Drake instead. How did that even happen?

‘I’ll be honest, I barely saw Liam,’ Camille says. ‘He was always busy with other engagements, he had to meet other noble families and get to know the other ladies. Often, I would be on the sidelines since I didn’t know anybody apart from the Beaumont brothers or Hana Lee [fellow suitor in the competition and her now best friend]. Drake was there because like me, he was always on the sidelines too.’

Drake takes her hand. ‘When I saw Camille trying her best to make it up through the competition, I worried she would lose sight of who she was. I wanted to be there to keep her grounded.’

Camille blushes. ‘It definitely worked.’

I ask if they had a first date while the competition was still going. They both take a moment to think. ‘Well…’ Camille starts.

‘It wasn’t a first date as such. More a visit to the local bar where we could hang out, just us two and get away from the court,’ Drake answers.

‘We played a drinking game!’ Camille whispers, winking at me. Which one?

‘Never Have I Ever,’ Drake groans. ‘Such a terrible game.’

‘Shut up, you so enjoyed it!’ Camille protests, smiling her mega watt smile again. More hang-outs like their drinking game occurred. It becomes clear that the two of them are peas in a pod. Best friends wrapped up in a marriage. Camille is even partial to a glass of whiskey - ‘my kind of woman,’ Drake smiles. Before long, the two of them were sharing private moments but not once ever blew their cover. ‘We weren’t sneaking around!’ Camille says. ‘Just if the two of us were alone and wanted to hang out, we did. There was nothing else to it. He was my friend first.’

‘It’s true,’ Drake says. ‘At first we were distant then became closer as friends. I could open up to her which I’d never been able to do before with anyone. I couldn’t stop thinking about her. She just got me. We are both the same.’

I bring up the event that made worldwide headlines. A year ago, the court of Cordonia was hit by an assassination attempt. Camille was in the firing line but Drake took the bullet for her, injuring his shoulder. At that point, Camille had still been in the running to marry the King and when the world read the story, they did wonder why Drake had jumped in front of her.

Drake shrugs. ‘I loved her. I had been pushing away those feelings but when it came down to it, I never wanted to see her hurt or taken away from me. Instinct made me dive in front of her.’

I ask her how it felt when she saw Drake had been shot. ‘It was terrible. Time stood still. I saw the bullet coming towards me and Drake’s body moving to block it. When he was down on the floor, I shielded him with my body-’

‘Did you?!’ Drake asks. Camille nods. Drake stares at her. ‘I didn’t know that. I barely remember being taken out of the palace. I didn’t know you shielded me after…’ He’s gone very pale. His hand grips hers and Camille strokes his hair. ‘It’s okay. I was fine.’

Again, it is Drake and Camille vs the world.

#drake walker x mc

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quiffsandflowercrowns · 6 years

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Paint

Summary: Dan and Phil are in the same art class, at the same table. Dan is brilliant at art and Phil’s artistic ability is nonexistent. Their teacher puts them together to help Phil pass his exam. More than a casual friendship might occur if given time....

Words: 7055

A/N: This is actually my first tumblr fic so comments are appreciated!

Read it on AO3

For some stupid reason, it was mandatory for every pupil to take Maths, English, science, a language and an art. All the other subjects they could choose from a list. Phil was extremely excited for the subjects he had chosen, he loved science and maths- he even didn’t mind English that much, it was easy enough. There was something about getting to structure essays that made him happy. Even PE wasn’t too bad for him. Of course, school could never be fun and he was forced to take art, which, unfortunately for him was the subject he sucked at most. His problem wasn’t that he had no creativity -he had plenty but he just couldn’t put those ideas on paper. Every time he tried it turned out wonky and pretty much the opposite of what he was going for. On his very first art lesson (before he knew he was crap at it) he had drawn a self-portrait which he was rather proud of only to have the teacher come over and ask him if it was a fruit bowl. Phil didn’t like to correct his teachers so he just nodded and stayed silent. The teacher had just given him a strained smile, instantly knowing he was definitely not a gifted artist and his relationship with her had only gone downhill. To be honest she scared him a little.

The only redeemable part of the 6 hours a week of nightmarish lessons was the company Phil had during the time. He had a friend Lily sat next to him and across from him sat a boy who had only just joined the school that year and was obviously way too cool to ever speak to Phil. He had brown curly hair that Phil wanted to run his hands through so much that it would have concerned anyone he told. He also had lovely brown eyes that made Phil blush and look away any time they made eye contact. He was very grateful that he didn’t have to sit alone at the table with the new kid otherwise he might just implode, forcing him to curl inwards into a void of shame.

Lily wouldn’t stop teasing him about liking the new boy after she had come back from the toilet during class and Phil was just staring at him with a blank expression as the boy worked away, not paying any attention to Phil. Phil had used the excuse of being tired. It was of the occasions he had had art in the morning. The excuse didn’t work, she had just laughed harder and e remembered the new boy had looked up at them and smiled. Phil had nearly exploded from blushing so hard.

“Phiiilll,” Lily nudged him, bringing Phil back to the present and out of his thoughts. He had been staring down at his work for several minutes without moving or blinking. “You’ve blacked out on me again” She laughed. Lily was one of the class favourites, even though she wasn’t the best at art. Phil could definitely understand though, Lily was unbelievably fun. She was the kind of person to make insane references at random moments and burst into songs at inappropriate moments. He had decided when they first met that she could talk more than enough for both of them. Phil was glad that he had her as a friend, even if she was the only one. He thought he should maybe stop reflecting on things he was glad for, as he might end up being eternally stuck in a thanksgiving loop, muttering to himself. He had always had questions about Thanksgiving, it being something not celebrated in England. Like why? When? He wondered if it was like Christmas. He hoped it was. That would be nice.

“When’s thanksgiving?” Phil asked suddenly. Lily looked up at him from her work then narrowed her eyes. He was surprised she was still amazed by his weirdness.

“Why would I know you weirdo.” She laughed at him again and went back to her drawing. She was drawing a charcoal portrait of Phil posing in a box. He remembered the photoshoot before she started the drawing. The box was weird and wooden, slightly more like a coffin than a box. He had scratched himself on one of the loose nails in the inside of the box and had a mini panic attack (to the amusement of Lily) about getting tetanus. Her drawing seemed to be going very well, it was really realistic and made Phil feel just a little bit jealous of her talent. He looked down at his own. He was trying to draw a teapot and cup that he had found in a cupboard in the classroom. He admired how pretty they were. They were a light iridescent pink with elegant gold trim and Phil definitely wasn’t doing them any justice. Somehow, he had made them look like deformed hot pink elephant creatures. He sighed and decided that he would have to start again. He got up and walked over to the drawer where he could find some more paper, only for him to open it and find that there was no paper left. Mrs. Michaels was busy with another student and he was too awkward to go up and ask her to find more. He reluctantly went back to his seat and sighed, glaring at his rubbish piece of art, willing it to be better without him having to do any of the work. In his peripheral vision he saw the boy across the table from him look up and take out one of his earphones.

“Do you need some paper?” He asked “I hoard it cause this place always runs out.” He pulled a piece of paper out of his folder and handed it to Phil. Phil blinked and took it. He smiled gently, too afraid to look directly at him.

“Thanks.” He mumbled. The boy grinned at him, forcing Phil to look up at him. Saying that Phil was taken aback by how stunning he was would be a severe understatement. It felt as though all of the air had been pushed out of him and Phil looked down, tying to force the blush out of his cheeks. He looked over at Lily who was sitting oblivious with her headphones on.

“Also, it’s the fourth Thursday in November.” The boy said to him. Phil frowned, slightly confused.

“Thanksgiving,” He clarified, “It’s always on the fourth Thursday in November. I don’t know why. They should just make it like Christmas. Just choose one day, jeez.” Phil was a little taken aback that the mysterious boy across from him- who hung out with the crowd that liked to terrorise him- was chatting to him like they’d known each other for ages. Phil laughed.

“Thanksgiving needs to get itself together” Phil joked back. The boy smiled along with him and then looked back down at his work. Like Lily, the boy was also one of the teacher’s favourites (trust him to get stuck at the table full of talent) and Phil was as jealous of his work as he was Lilys’s although he couldn’t entirely figure out what it was from his upside-down position. The boy put his other headphone back in and Phil felt a little sad that that was the end of their conversation.

An hour of torture later and he thought he had improved his work ever so slightly and by that he meant that he was praying that his watercolour skills would be better when his “painting” was dry (it wouldn’t be). The bell rang and Phil had to resist jumping up from his seat with joy. It was break so he had 20 minutes to relax until he had to go to his next class. He stuffed all of his possessions into his backpack and laid his paintings up to dry before waiting on Lily so they could leave. The boy had already left before Phil got back to the table.

“What was that between you and him huh? Is there something new I should know about?” Lily wiggled her eyebrows at Phil. She knew about his not-so-small crush on the boy. He had come out to her a little over 3 months ago and she had taken up the role of trying to set him up with every guy she knew. It made a nice change from her trying to set him up with every single girl she knew. He pondered over why she was so obsessed with his love life. Not that it was a bad thing, he quite enjoyed having someone to giggle with when one of their crushes walked past them in the hallways. He also enjoyed being allowed to stay over at Lily’s now that their parents could be fairly certain that they weren’t going to be doing anything weird. Phil had asked once before he came out and boy was that a conversation he wished he’d never had.

They left the classroom together and walked towards the library where they had their hangout spot where they gathered at break and lunch. There was a small alcove in the back of a library where a display stand used to be. It was wide and deep enough for two people to sit in face to face. It was far away from all of the tables so they could speak about whatever they wanted, without being overheard and judged. Phil loved sitting there and was happy about spending most of his time there. They strolled through the front grounds and were forced to walk past the group of popular kids, none of whom particularly liked Lily or Phil. They heard footsteps running up to them and a group of the popular guys ran past them. Phil felt someone push him and he whipped around to frown at them when he saw who it was. It was the boy from art. He stopped running and looked at phil. The boy was slightly taller than him so Phil had to look up at him a little. His made a little mental note to himself to remember that for the future.

“Oh, sorry Phil! Didn’t mean to run into you!” He smiled at Phil as one of the other boys yelled

“Come on Dan!” The boy- who Phil now knew was named Dan ran off and re-joined the other guys, waving back at Phil as he went. Lily pulled him away and they walked towards the library.

“Well, we know his name now,” She nudged him and laughed ““Dan and Phil” has a nice ring to it doesn’t it.” She said a little too loudly for Phil’s liking. He elbowed her gently in the ribs and told her to shut up. He and Lily had just entered the library when he stopped and grabbed Lily’s arm, forcing her to stop and turn around to look at him.

“How did Dan know my name?” Phil questioned, “I didn’t know his.” Lily just looked at him and raised her eyebrows.

“Maybe he’s just more observant than you,” she answered shrugging, “not that that’s hard” she added grinning at him. Phil wasn’t stupid, he knew he wasn’t, he was just very oblivious to the things that were going on around him. He struggled to read people and sometimes the way people acted straight up confused him. He shrugged trying to let it go whist they walked into the library. He promised himself he’d be less oblivious to people and vowed that tomorrow he would start trying to make more effort to talk to Dan.

The rest of the day passed by in a bring blur and Phil had made it home just before half four, excited to sit on the sofa with a bowl of cereal and a good TV show. Later that night, Phil couldn’t sleep. He was weirdly excited to talk to Dan in art tomorrow. He had it first thing and he knew that he gains some confidence when he’s tired so he was determined to stay awake as long as possible. He had watched a total of two horror movies on the small TV in his bedroom and was way too terrified to sleep. He climbed out of bed and looked int the full-length mirror on the inside of his closet. Now is the perfect time to practice some conversation starters.

“How’s it going?” He said into the mirror, nodding his head a little. Ew, he thought, no. That was just weird. He would not be using that as his opener to talk to Dan tomorrow.

“Good morning! How are you?” Nope that one was weird and formal. Phil didn’t need to seem like a creepy person. Maybe if he ran up to Dan and just started kissing him things would go better. Wait no, Phil thought that’s extremely creepy and he would probably end up getting suspended for attacking someone. Plus, he didn’t really want to end up pushing Dan away, not when he had the confidence to talk to him now.

“Hiya!” He said enthusiastically. Nope that was over the top. He didn’t want to be seen as too keen. Phil was about to say another one of his sentence starters (it began with “Did you know” but the rest of the sentence was uninteresting) when his bedroom door opened. His brother Martyn came in, his hair in sticking up every direction and a scary frown on his face.

“What the hell are you doing? Shut up.” He frowned at Phil then turned and left. Phil sighed and crawled back into his bed. He considered just making his opening line up on the spot, but he was fairly sure that he would regret it. He fell asleep smiling and for once was excited for art.

The next morning, Phil woke up to the sound of him getting a bunch of texts. All of them were from Lily. Apparently, she was ill and it had nothing at all to do with the fact tat they had an English quiz today, which he had totally forgotten about. She was telling him to ask her teachers if there was any homework for her to do whilst she was off. He considered asking her why she couldn’t just email the teachers but he prided himself on being a good Samaritan so he decided he would just do it for her. He was also going to try and sneak a photo of the English quiz so when she came back she would know what the questions were, because he was just that nice.

He always walked to school with his older brother but today he was so eager to get to that first class that he abandoned him and strode off ahead (which was impressive for Phil as he was significantly shorter than Martyn). He really hoped that Martyn wouldn’t question him as he was a really awful liar and if he was asked he’d probably blurt out the truth and then he’d never hear the end of it. Luckily enough for him, his brother just assumed he was being his weird self and didn’t bother to ask. Martyn knew the answer would be stupid anyway.

Phil made it to school way earlier than he ever had before. The library wasn’t even open yet so he had to stand outside in the cold until the librarian arrived. He knew her very well and they had become close to friends in the few years Phil had been in the school. It wasn’t surprising, Phil and Lily had sat in the library everyday and sometimes when Phil had free time he eve volunteered to help the librarian put the books back. Even though she technically wasn’t a teacher, she was Phil’s favourite. She was young, only about 25 and she always wore colourful glasses and dresses with dizzying patterns. Phil admired her.

“What are you doing here so early? What mischief are you up to?” Miss Macfarlene narrowed her eyes jokingly, and Phil chuckled.

“Just wanted to get to my class early. Got to be prepared” Phil said hoping she wouldn’t ask any further questions. Of course, knowing him, he couldn’t have two bouts of luck in one day. She tilted her head to one side.

“Oooh. What class?” She asked him, unlocking the doors to the library and walking over to her desk to put her bags down. Phil followed her in.

“Um…art” He said quietly. Miss Macfarlene tilted her head. He had told her before of his hatred of the subject and so she knew that he wouldn’t normally be rushing to get to a subject he hated.

“I thought you hated art” She smiled. Phil smiled back at her weakly. He was dreading having to continue this conversation.

“I’ve got…an um…new friend…there” Miss Macfarlene grinned at him. She was proud that he was making new friends as he’d only ever had Lily and she supposed that he might be lonely sometimes when she wasn’t there. She racked her brain for who the new friend might be. She knew most of the pupils in that class, they always came to get more paper for their art (she could never figure out why the art department didn’t just order more paper). A lot of them, she couldn’t see Phil being friends with. Phil was quiet and sweet, only opening up if you get to know him, a lot of the kids in that class were loud and a little rude. They were the kind of people Phil would not associate himself with. She shrugged to herself and sat down at her desk. She felt like she knew who he was talking about but she decided not to torture him about it. Phil smiled at her again and walked to the alcove and sat down. He always felt a little lonely when Lily was off school and he had no one to talk to. He pulled out his phone and texted Lily to ask if she was alright. The reply was almost instantaneous and Lily confirmed that she was fine she was just ‘Very tired’. Phil always admired the fact that Lily’s parents were always so worried about her that she could just say that she was tired and they’d let her stay off school. Phil hadn’t had a day off from school in years. It was always ‘Go to school and see how you feel.’ Chances are, when he got to school he would feel exactly the same, if not worse but he didn’t want to disturb his mum when she was at work so he would just stick it out. He sat down in their spot and pulled out his English textbook, hoping to get some revision in before the quiz later. He knew he was going to be fine but he always felt a little bit nervous before he had to do anything like that. Phil thought he should probably talk to someone about being anxious all the time but it made little sense to him that he would have to talk to someone about not being able to talk to people. He was pondering the infinite loop of staying silent when he realised the library was now full of people, hanging out before school and talking to their friends (blatantly ignoring the keep quiet signs) and doing last minute homework. The bell rang and Phil stood up, putting his phone back in his blazer pocket, and walked swiftly out of the library towards his class.

Phil was the first one to the class so for a couple of seconds it was only him and Mrs. Michaels. She didn’t acknowledge him but waited until the majority of the class had filed in and then informed them they would continue their work on their folio pieces (it was 85% of their grade and Phil would be lucky to get 8.5%). Dan wasn’t there. Phil was sat alone at his desk, sad that he had worried himself so much and it didn’t seem to matter anyway. Phil reluctantly took his pieces of paper out of his folder and stared at it blankly. He had no idea what he was doing. He’d learnt several weeks ago that the key to getting through his art lessons was to pretend like he was hard at work and knew exactly what he was doing. He grabbed some watercolour paints from the cupboard along with a bowl of water and a palette and sat back down at his desk. He looked at the teacups again, feeling strangely motivated for one of the first times every. Maybe dan not being there was a good thing. Maybe he had been distracting him all this time. Or, Phil thought, it could just be his sleepy state making him think he was going to turn into some kind of amazing artist within a day. It was probably the latter. Phil mixed a little of the red and the white to create a lovely light pink colour. He picked up some of it with his brush and placed it gently on his page. Good start, he thought to himself, it wasn’t going absolutely horribly. The second time he went back to pick up paint he pushed it a little bit into the black and changed his lovely pink into a weird sludge brown. Phil grunted and wiped the paint off of his palette and tried to remake the pink. It didn’t work, he had made a darker shade that left weird lines in the colour next to it when added to the painting. Phil was getting tired of having to figure out what he was going to do with the nonsense over and over again and rested his head down on the table. He heard the door to the art classroom open and Mrs. Michaels said something which he didn’t hear.

“You look like your having a bit of difficulty,” someone next to Phil said. He lifted his head up and saw Dan, who had wandered into class late and was unpacking all of his things. Phil felt as though all of the air had been kicked out of him but nonetheless he smiled gently at him. Phil was really glad that he wasn’t the one who had to start the conversation as he didn’t think any of the openers he had practiced the previous night would be appropriate for a quiet art classroom.

“Yeah, it’s not going great,” Phil laughed weakly “I’m kind of artistically challenged” Great start, Phil thought, it’s going well so far.

“What’s your painting based on?” Dan asked coming and standing next to him. He looked from Phil’s painting to the teacups. Phil blushed, Dan was standing very close to him, almost leaning on Phil as he looked at the picture.

“It’s really not good it is?” Phil asked trying to hide his shame. Dan looked down at him and smiled

“Nah it’s not bad, it’s just that you don’t really seem into it. Why didn’t you paint something you liked” Dan said gently and walked back round to his side of the desk. He picked up his sketch and turned it round so Phil could see it. It was a black and white charcoal drawing of a man sitting at a piano. There was so much detail in it that Phil could even see the lines of the fingers of the man’s hands. He could practically hear the soft music that was being played.

“See,” Dan said even more gently “I love playing the piano so I chose that as my topic. That and it’s an easy thing to write an essay about for the analysis, because pianos have a lot of history for me to bullshit about.” Phil laughed. He thought about what he liked.

“I like video games I guess,” Phil paused trying to think about what else he liked. It was really hard being put in the spot like that and suddenly felt as though he had never felt joy in his life.

“And…food?” Phil narrowed his eyes hoping that his main two interests being video games and food wouldn’t make him seem too weird. Of course it would, he thought to himself, those aren’t exactly interesting hobbies. Dan smiled at him again.

“It’s great you have some things you like. Why not try doing something contemporary with them?” Phil really appreciated his help and actually considered asking him for more help but he felt as though that would be crossing some kind of line and he didn’t think he could handle having to talk to Dan all the time without completely falling in love.

“So, what’s your favourite thing to eat?” Dan asked him. Phil sat there and thought for a moment. If he could only eat one thing for the rest of his life what would it be? He smiled as he found his answer.

“I really like Haribo’s,” Phil said with a laugh. Dan grinned at him.

“You could draw gummy bears?” Dan suggested. Phil really liked that idea. He loved colours and it surely couldn’t be that hard to draw some gummy bears, right? Phil nodded and took his laptop out of his bag. He searched for a picture of some gummy bears that he could use as his inspiration. He found one and moved the laptop so Dan could see. Dan continued grinning at him.

“That one would be perfect!” Dan said enthusiastically, Phil hoped that he would be able to get a higher mark with this than he would with those stupid teacups. Phil suddenly realised he didn’t know I he was allowed to change topics after he’d already started painting the cups. Maybe Mrs. Michaels would yell at him for trying to give up so easily. Maybe this was a bad idea after all, he thought to himself. He didn’t want to start from the beginning again but he also didn’t want to get a zero on his folio piece because then he would definitely fail. It was nearly the end of November and the folio pieces had to be handed in at the beginning of January to be marked. Mrs Michaels saw Dan leaning over Phil’s work from across the room and approached their desk at a speed that was impressive for a woman who was not even five feet tall.

“What’s this gathering about?” She asked, her tone icy. Phil froze. He really didn’t want to be yelled at and he was in such a good mood this morning that this threatening to ruin it made him slightly angry. He looked up at Dan who had stayed pressed closely to him, now instead of looking at Phil’s laptop he was smiling sweetly at the teacher.

“Phil was struggling a little bit and seemed to not be enjoying what he was painting so I was helping him come up with a new idea that he might like better. Is that alright?” Dan was really good at manipulating teachers, Phil realised. Mrs. Michaels no longer looked like she was going to yell at them but she was looking softly at Dan.

“That was nice of you,” She turned to Phil and moved Dan out of the way so that she could see the screen. She smiled and nodded at Phil. “I suppose that would be nice to do. What are you thinking of using?” She asked him. Phil paused, thinking about it. He didn’t want to use more watercolours as it was the bane of his existence and it was making him physically angry. An early death was not something he was aiming for.

“I was just thinking of using coloured pencil. Its probably better than using the watercolours” He said quietly looking down at his new blank piece of paper.

“Okay but Dan I don’t really want you to help him too much, it’s meant to be a solo project. Only if you have to.” She looked suspiciously between them. Then she smiled at them and walked away at her ridiculous speed. Dan looked at Phil.

“Sorry I can’t help you more,” he said looking at Phil and biting his lip. Phil tried not to stare at his mouth for too long so as to not seem creepy but he felt as though it wasn’t entirely working. Phil shrugged and got up. For once he was excited to start drawing something.

On December 10th Phil realised that he had very little time left to finish his folio piece and, much to his disappointment, it still wasn’t going well. The entire time he wanted to ask Dan for help but he knew he had his own work to do and Phil didn’t want to disturb him. Phil was enjoying his art classes though, and him and Dan would talk every single lesson. Sometimes Dan would come and sit in the library with them, although many of his friends weren’t too happy with him hanging out with ‘losers’. It was eight days before the end of term for the Christmas holidays, and the mid-year report cards had been handed out. Phil hadn’t had the heart to open it with all the others. He knew that his brother Martyn had been given his too so there was no pretending to his parents that he didn’t have it. He had never failed a subject before and although his other results were brilliant he couldn’t shake the feeling that most of the attention would be on the harsh F in art. It was hard to compete with his older brother who was an amazing all-rounder, brilliant at sport and academics. Martyn tried to calm Phil down on the way home, after all of his friends had gone their separate ways and he was forced to talk to Phil.

“It can’t be that bad,” he said “you never normally fail things. You haven’t opened it how do you know?” Phil supposed he was right but the feeling of dread stayed. He knew in the rational part of his brain that his parents wouldn’t be angry with him but he felt ashamed that he had done so badly in a subject. Phil sniffed, he felt too old to cry over something that would probably not affect his life in the future. 16 is too old for crying he thought, but he didn’t stop. Martyn was walking slightly ahead of him and hadn’t noticed Phil sniffling to himself. Phil’s mum was out in the garden shoving a bin bag into the bin when she saw them arrive. Instantly she saw Phil’s face and frowned with concern

“Phil? What happened? Martyn, why is Phil crying?” their mum questioned them. Martyn turned around only now realising that Phil was upset. Martyn shrugged and walked inside. Phil was grateful that he let Phil tell their mum himself and that he wasn’t going to involve himself. Phil’s mum stood there, concerned and waiting for an answer. Phil didn’t answer but he opened his bag and pulled out his report card, handing it over and avoiding eye contact. His mum took it but didn’t open it.

“let’s go inside and we can open it together. Is this what you’re upset about?” His mum asked. He was glad to have a parent like her.

“Yeah,” he mumbled under his breath “please don’t be mad at me.” He followed his mum inside ad she put the kettle on and sat down across from him, still holding the unopened the report card.

“Phil I’m not going to get angry at you. If you’ve failed things then we’ll sort it out. I can speak to the teacher, we could get you a tutor if you want. Don’t worry about it” His mum was trying to be kind but he knew she would be disappointed and that was what was destroying him most. His mum opened the envelope and looked at the piece of paper. She frowned and looked from the paper to phil.

“Phil. These are really good. What were you worried about? You’ve only got one D in art which isn’t the end of the world” His mum smiled at him. He breathed a sigh of relief. His grade wasn’t terrible. He wasn’t going to be kicked out of his house or shunned forever (it was only his brain that was telling him these things).

“I got a D? I thought I had failed completely. What are the rest like?” He grabbed the piece of paper from her and looked at it. All the others were As. He smiled.

“Phil, I’m not a hundred percent happy with you nearly failing a subject. Do you have art tomorrow? You could ask your teacher what you need to do to improve and if you could get some extra help?” His mum stood up and started rustling around the kitchen, clearly finding something to prepare for dinner. Phil nodded. Though the thought of having to approach a teacher in front of the class and ask for help made him want to die a little bit on the inside, he knew that he couldn’t keep doing the subject without any help.

Phil ate his dinner, decided his homework could survive until tomorrow and sat playing crash bandicoot until he felt exhausted.

The entirety of the morning Phil was dreading having to speak to his teacher. Mrs. Michaels was a kind of mean lady who was about 50 years old and had clear favourites in class. Phil was not one of those favourites. He didn’t have art until after lunch which gave him way too much time to overthink about what might happen when he approached the teacher. The pupils in the class might whisper and think he was an idiot. Mrs. Michaels might say that the only solution would to be to drop the subject before he’s even sat the exam, which would give him the reputation of someone who has to drop out. He’d probably start crying if she yells at him.

After lunch, Phil made sure to try and get to art before anyone else so that there would be less people to embarrass himself in front of. It was just his luck though, that Mrs. Michaels was held up chatting to someone in the corridor making her the last person to arrive to class. Brilliant. She shushed the class and told them to continue working on the work they had been doing last lesson. Phil stood up and walked over to her desk, the boy across from him at his desk- who Phil had been to awkward to learn the name of -looked up for a second then looked straight back at his own work. Before Phil reached her desk Mrs. Michaels gestured for him to come over to her desk.

“Phillip, your mother phoned me this morning as she didn’t know if you would actually come and talk to me. She said you would like some help in improving your grade.” She smiled at him. Phil felt a little mortified that his mother had phoned but was grateful that she had as he didn’t have to explain to the teacher that she needed help. Phil nodded.

“Yeah. I don’t know what I can do, it’s a little last minute but I’d like to try” Phil hoped that she would come up with some magical solution that would solve all of his issues and he would pass with flying colours and little extra effort. She stood up.

“Daniel, come here please.” She shouted across the room. The other pupils in the class turned and looked from the teacher’s desk, at Phil and then over to Dan.

“I know I didn’t want you two to work together cause it’s meant to be done by yourself but I think that in order for you to pass, you need some help.” The teacher smiled at Dan as he approached. He already looked as though he knew why she has called him over. Phil was mortified. How could she have disclosed that Phil was failing to a fellow pupil? Phil scrunched up his face, feeling like he wanted to cry again.

“Yeah?” Dan asked Mrs. Michaels once he had reached the desk. He was smiling. It was such a nice smile Phil thought, he wished he could bottle it up and keep it forever. That would probably be creepy though.

“I spoke to you earlier about maybe helping Phil with his work? It’s nearly the holidays so you don’t have much time but I can get one of the janitors to let you in over the break.” She looked between them. Dan was nodding and turned to Phil.

“I’ve finished mine now anyway so I’ve plenty of spare time for you.” Dan grinned at him some more. Phil smiled weakly trying to join in on his happiness but it wasn’t quite working. They both nodded and Mrs. Michaels waved them away from her desk and went back to marking some essays that they’d probably end up never getting back. Dan put his hand on Phil’s shoulder stopping him before they got back to their desk.

“Are you okay?” Dan looked down at Phil concerned. Phil nodded, trying to smile at him but Dan saw straight through Phil’s terrible facade. Phil loved how he had to look up at Dan. He just felt safer, as unreasonable as that was. Dan raised his eyebrows at Phil, seeming to figure out why Phil was upset.

“You to have to be embarrassed of being bad at something y’know. You should see me in maths!” Dan laughed and Phil quietly joined in. He was amazed that the person who he only spoke to a few times a week could figure him out so easily. That worried him a little as he must already know that Phil has a crush on him. He had never thought about Dan being bad at something. It made him think that he might view everything through warped rose-tinted glasses, putting people with flaws and struggles up on pedestals and making them seem like they were more than he was. He grinned at Dan, properly this time, not trying to hide anything.

“Alright if you help me with art, I can help you with your maths.” Phil said, holding out his hand so Dan could shake it and it would be an official deal. Dan laughed at him and shook his hand. Sparks flew up Phil’s arm and he never wanted to let go. He wanted to just wander around holding hands with Dan forever. He let go before it became weird (it might have been a little too late for that). For a split second he thought Dan had looked sad at the loss of contact as well but he decided he was just being an idiot and moved on.

“Deal,” Dan joked “But you really have your work cut out with me. I literally can’t do any of it” Phil laughed. He loved the way Dan said “literally,” it made him sound posher than he was. Phil was tempted to joke back at him but they were standing in the middle of the classroom and he was fairly sure that the teacher was about to shout at them for dithering about.

Ten minutes later, Phil was showing Dan his awful artwork and Dan was making appreciative noises and trying to reassure him that they weren’t that bad and that there was only a few things Phil could do to improve them. Phil felt like he enjoyed being lied to in order to be comforted but in this situation, it was entirely unhelpful. Phil chuckled and swivelled on his char to face Dan who was leaning over him. Their faces were almost too close for Phil’s liking.

“Just a few things? This whole thing is a mess,” Phil gestured wildly at the array of coloured paper on his desk, all lying in disorganised places. Dan frowned and moved things around.

“See the technique on that one is nice, it’s more modern. I think you’re better at something like that,” Dan pointed to one of Phil’s most recent drawings. That one in particular was an accident, Lily had been gesturing too much during a conversation they were having and nocked a bunch of paint onto his canvas. Now that he looked at it, it didn’t seem bad at all just a little bit weird. For all the folio markers knew it was completely on purpose. Phil didn’t want to pretend to Dan that it was on purpose, he might go thinking that Phil actually had some artistic talent and this would be an easier job than previously thought.

“Yeah, but that one was an accident. Blame Lily” Phil pointed at Lily and she raised her hands in surrender then went back to drawing after she had thrown Phil a quick eyebrow raise at how close he and Dan were. Dan laughed, he threw his head back and scrunched his face up and Phil just wanted to stare at him forever.

“No such things as accidents when you’re an artist” He laughed. Phil was probably the furthest thing from an artist that you could possibly get but the sentiment meant a lot to him. Phil tried to laugh along with him. He bit his lip and frowned down at the painting. He didn’t see how it could be made better, He looked up at dan quizzically and opened his mouth to ask when the bell rang indicating that they had to go to their next period class. Dan looked at him somewhat apologetically as they hadn’t really achieved much during their time. Everyone got up to leave and Dan purposefully waited behind on Phil. He stopped him as he was leaving the classroom.

“Can I get your phone number?” Dan asked. He laughed a little at himself and continued “Just so I can contact you about your art piece”

Phil blushed. They stood there for a second then laughed again at their awkwardness.

“Ye-yeah of course,” Phil said a little too quickly. Dan took his phone out of his pocket and handed it to Phil. He put his number in quickly and smiled up at Dan before making a speedy exit to avoid anymore eye contact.

#phan #phanfiction #high school au #Dan and Phil #phil lester #dan howell #imagine

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singingwordwright · 6 years

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The #ShadowhuntersLegacy Theory--aka our Hail Mary throw #SaveShadowhunters

UPDATED as of 8/24/18 (see bottom of post)

I wasn’t sure if I had shared this theory on Tumblr or not, because sometimes I speculate on Twitter and then don’t remember to make a post over here. It turns out, I sort of did, a really long time ago, but the theory has evolved in light of a number of events in the past couple weeks, and most of the tinfoil-hat elements have been stripped out. Now it’s just sort of a Theory, as opposed to a Wacky Conspiracy Theory.

Before I begin, let me just say outright that this is not to give anyone false hope. Let’s be quite honest and admit that our chances don’t really look that great. But as I said in my post last night, there are reasons why I can’t bring myself to call a Time of Death on this whole thing yet. And this theory is a big part of it.

Let me also add a disclaimer that none of us knows what is happening behind the scenes. We don’t know the legal ins and outs that make up the Freeform/Constantin/Netflix Ménage à Torture so this is all just guesswork based on the pieces we have and a metric fuckton lot of supposition.

This could all totally be self-serving delusion. I’m not going to lie about that. But it’s already been put out there, so I’m going to stand by it until we see how this all shakes down in the end, if for no other reason than, on the off chance that some variation of this does end up happening, I have documented proof that I predicted it might.

Everyone okay with that? Then let’s go!

Where We Stand

Okay, look, we’ve been told, straight-up with no equivocation, that “it's not possible for this version of SHADOWHUNTERS to continue.” (Source: Constantin Press Release August 10) We have to accept that at face value. There is almost certainly not going to be a season 4. Something is in the way of that happening.

I don’t believe it’s lack of interest from potential buyers. I think it’s an unwillingness to reach a compromise on the part of the parties already involved so that someone else can pick up the show.

Chances are good that the obstacle is @freeform/Disney. The show was developed specifically for Freeform as part of ABC Family Channel rebranding itself. Netflix got involved later to snag the international distribution deal, yes, but it’s possible that the show goes nowhere unless Freeform/Disney is willing to relinquish their distribution deal on it, which they may not be willing to do.

Why? Well, there’s always my DisFlix theory, which is a little out of date in light of recent developments but not yet dead in the water.

But @netflix could also be to blame. I’ve heard rumblings, and I have no idea where they originated or if they’re true or not, that Netflix’s international distribution deal gives them rights to the show for seven years. They may not be willing to give that up, and picking the show up for season 4 without being able to stream/rerun seasons 1-3 is really not going to appeal to any potential takers.

It’s also possible that @constantinfilm isn’t willing to lower the license fee on the show enough to make someone else willing to pick it up, but I honestly don’t believe that’s the case. 100% of nothing is nothing, so keeping the price jacked up beyond what anyone is willing to pay makes Constantin no profit. I see no motive for them to prove intractable in that regard, especially if they thought they could bundle a pickup of Shadowhunters: The Mortal Instruments with development of a series based on The Infernal Devices and make even more money.

But, really, that is all sort of outside the scope of this post. Ultimately all we know is that something is standing in the way of the show being picked up by anyone who may be interested for season 4.

Which isn’t the same thing as saying all hope is lost. It’s just lost for “this version of SHADOWHUNTERS.”

Yeah, uh, What Other Version Is There?

We’re presently campaigning for Shadowhunters: The Mortal Instruments. But The Mortal Instruments is ending. And by that, I mean the six-book well of source material the plot has been borrowing its vague overall direction from is coming to an end. The 2-hour movie (which originally should have been the entire fourth season, but oh well, we can’t really dwell on that) is supposed to cover the final book, and after that it would be entirely original plots.

In other words, after season 4, we wouldn’t have had Shadowhunters: The Mortal Instruments ANYWAY. It would have effectively been a spin-off featuring the same characters, even if the title of the show had remained the same.

And I think most of us were perfectly okay with that, or would have been had we stopped to think about What Comes Next after the book-based material ended. @janoda has been talking for months about wanting a spin-off centered around the Downworld. I’ve thought all along that the tense relations that the Downworld and the New York Institute have with the Clave in Alicante would provide a wealth of plot material once book-based material ran out. @janoda and I have been calling this hypothetical spin-off “Downworld: Revolution” but whatever you call it, it’s not “this version of SHADOWHUNTERS.” It’s a new version, featuring many/most of the same characters.

But That Was Just Talk Right?

Well, yes. Sort of. At first I thought (in my original Conspiracy Theory post) that what we might be seeing with this cancellation is a slightly more contentious scenario originating with Freeform’s recent strategy of ending shows after 3-4 seasons or so, and then spinning them off before they lose their audience through attrition, to keep them fresh and shiny. (see also: PLL and The Fosters.)

Then, once it seemed like it might be Freeform’s claim to Shadowhunters distribution rights that was preventing anyone else from picking the show up, I started side-eyeing the notion of a spin-off as a way of working AROUND Freeform. Because Constantin still owns the adaptation rights. Even if Constantin can’t continue making Shadowhunters: The Mortal Instruments, they CAN make a new show, even one featuring the Shadowhunters characters and even with those characters played by the same actors. They just can’t continue making THIS VERSION of the show.

Which, again, is okay, because effectively this version of the show was going to come to an end anyway, and a new show was going to begin.

But I sort of pushed this notion of a spin-off to the back of my mind once all the talk about Constantin developing The Infernal Devices began. Because honestly I didn’t want to muddy the waters with the words “spin off” when we were trying to send such a definite, iron-clad message that The Infernal Devices was not an acceptable substitute for Shadowhunters. I did start trying to word my emails with terms like “our characters” and “our actors” while leaving those concepts open to the possibility of those characters and actors being in a new show.

(Now, however, in light of Constantin’s statement that hope is lost for “this version” of Shadowhunters, we have nothing to lose.)

And then, two weeks ago, something happened.

Starting the night before the Last Day on Set (August 2nd), the cast introduced a new hashtag--#ShadowhuntersLegacy. It never really caught on or trended, but Kat and Emeraude in particular were pretty aggressive about using it. Most of the main cast, with the exception of Isaiah, Matt, and I think Alisha, used it at least once, and I know Jade, Nicola, and some of the other supporting cast members did as well.

It struck me as a little strange. And, yes, it may very well be just a nice way to thank the fans by reassuring us that the ways in which we’ve touched their lives won’t be forgotten. But what was pinging me about it was the way it was adopted among the cast had clearly been coordinated. This wasn’t just happenstance that they all began using it at once.

And the word “legacy” implies continuation. A legacy is sort of the opposite of something ending. It’s something that carries on.

I bit my tongue about this for a few hours, and then when I was talking about it in DMs on Twitter to avoid tweeting publicly about it, @saadiestuff pointed out something I had known in the back of my head but hadn’t actually connected.

The Originals is getting a spin-off called Legacies.

(A spin-off that--I believe--will be bringing back a lot of the original characters even going back to The Vampire Diaries.)

So those messages and a bunch of tweets using the hashtag were trickling in from Thursday night onward. Then, on Saturday morning, Kat posted this:

I mean...look at those last few lines? “The story doesn’t end here” and that parting shot, complete with a picture of her with her hand on a door?

But the cast doesn’t know anything about negotiations, right? Usually that’s true. However...

IF a hypothetical spin-off were being discussed, obviously the cast wouldn’t be part of the negotiations. But one of the first things those discussions would entail is inquiring (probably through their agents) about the casts’ interest and availability to return for the new series.

So the usual wisdom about the cast not knowing anything until shortly before we do doesn’t apply here. They would almost certainly know this was at least being discussed as a possibility, even if they didn’t know whether or not it would end up being a done deal.

There is also the live that Jade did a day or two before filming wrapped. I didn’t get to watch the whole thing because I lost my place when I was about 20 minutes in, so all I knew was that people got upset by some of the things he said which they felt indicated he didn’t feel there was any hope. @TheJessy34 on Twitter found it for me, and starting about 29:45, Jade talks about how the show in “this form” is over and how things can happen, yes, but he didn’t think if it continued it would continue in the way it has. (BEWARE OF POTENTIAL BOOK-BASED SPOILERS AT AROUND 33:00)

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I’m tempted to include this tweet of Harry’s (the Monday after filming wrapped) for consideration as evidence of this possibility. Because Harry is the guy who likes to dole out clues for us to piece together (see also, 2x12 and the season 3 renewal livechat.)

However it would be dishonest of me to do so without also including the fact that he denied this tweet had anything to do with anything:

That said, boy, Kat sure was all over it, both on Instagram and Twitter:

And it should be noted that Kat is STILL occasionally using the #ShadowhuntersLegacy hashtag. As is Jade, I believe.

I’m also tempted to offer into evidence this article from TVLine earlier this week:

However, I think the evidence supporting that is sketchy at best. All the medical puns point to a medical drama, and the cast is obviously not reassembling yet (though that verbiage could be figurative, as in “they’re signing the contracts” rather than literal, as in “they’re gathering to begin filming.) Public opinion seems to hold that the show in question is likely CBS’s Code Black and I have no concrete reason to assert otherwise.

I will say that in the event of a hypothetical spin-off, there would be some new cast involved (which could explain the “returning and new cast” line.) The book the 2-hour movie is based on, City of Heavenly Fire, has a fairly high body count. Chances are good that at least some of our fave supporting characters won’t be returning.

So. The TVLine article could be about us, but I’m not holding my breath.

UPDATED 8/24/18:

So it looks like the TVLine blind item may not be about Code Black after all.

Others, not me, did some sleuthing.

This tweet from Seitzman is dated 8/22/18. The TVLine blind item was posted 8/13/18. I would say (and others have said) this could mean that whatever deal TVLine was referring was Code Black but then it fell through, except that tonight, TVLine assured us that once the show in question is revealed, the initial article would be marked as UPDATED.

That has not happened with the TVLine article. If it had been about Code Black and the deal fell through, TVLine would have updated. Therefore, it’s looking fairly sure that TVLine isn’t referring to Code Black.

Which still doesn’t mean it’s referring to us. Let’s be very clear about that. There have been a lot of shows cancelled in the last six months. One other show that has been rumored to be on the verge of rescue is Designated Survivor, I believe (back in May or so, there was talk that Netflix might pick it up.)

All this means is that we’re a little more solidly in the running with regards to our chances that TVLine was, in fact, referring to us. That’s it. It’s not much, but it’s something.

I have reached out to TVLine to request that if it ISN’T us, they let us know. Because I really want us to be as realistic about our chances here as possible. As I said at the beginning of this post, this is a Hail Mary throw. Our chances are microscopically slim. But they do still exist.

(End UPDATED portion)

Which brings me to Isaiah’s post on Instagram yesterday:

Again, right now we are looking at the one situation where the cast probably really would have an early clue of what is going on. Before any deal is inked, someone would have to go around and ask the cast (again, probably through their agents) “this is a possibility, if we can make it happen, are you in?” And if it was a done deal, the cast would DEFINITELY know, even if they weren’t at liberty to say anything yet. They would have already signed their contracts.

Isaiah doesn’t believe hope is lost. I have to believe he has a reason for thinking that. But we know “this version” of the show isn’t coming back. Where does that leave us?

A new version of the show, featuring most or all of our characters and cast.

So What Now?

Now, we wait. We maintain our presence. We hope. I meant what I said last night, at this stage there is nothing we can do to influence the outcome that we haven’t already done. We keep the hashtag alive. We keep emailing and sending postcards and letters and maybe the occasional gift, just to remind them we’re here.

But mostly we wait. And we find our joy in the show again. Because in the words of a certain warlock we all know and love, “if you don’t take time for the things you care about, you’ll forget why you’re even fighting at all.”

But Do We Know Who Will Be Carrying This Hypothetical Spin-Off So We Can Let Them Know We’re Interested?

Nope. Not a clue. Sorry. Unfortunately this means we should probably treat everyone as though we’re courting them. Even *gack* Freeform.

When Do You Think They’ll Announce It, If It’s Happening?

Well, *if* the TVLine blind article is about us (and again, I cannot emphasize strongly enough that I really have no reason to believe it is) it says filming could begin as early as this fall. Which means we’d have to have an announcement by then because no way is our cast--with so many social media junkies in their ranks--is going to keep that under wraps for long. So we’d know by then.

And maybe I’m being whimsical, but let’s look at Isaiah’s post from yesterday again:

See where they are?

That’s the Jade Wolf mock-up that was featured at New York ComicCon last year.

Why would Isaiah use that picture, of any of the cast that he could have used, to send us the message “don’t give up”?

I think if this thing is going to happen, we may hear it announced at NYCC.

EDIT: 8/24/18

There has been some interesting activity that has sort of slipped under the radar this week, but I’ve been watching and noting. I haven’t been making a big deal about it, because I don’t want to give people false hope, but I’ve already shared this theory so it really can’t hurt to keep it up to date. Just remember that all of this is really the stretchiest reaching of all stretchy reaching. It’s flimsy and probably entirely in my imagination.

On August 13, after the Teen Choice Awards victory, Bryan Q. Miller tweeted this:

I didn’t notice it until about a week later, when I noticed that Todd Slavkin had liked it. When queried, Bryan confirmed that the reference was exactly what I thought it was:

So...something about the TCA victory triggered thoughts of the lyric, “I can feel it coming in the air tonight.” It had him feeling either anticipation (or possibly foreboding, and possibly of someone who had done something wrong getting a come-uppance.)

Then there’s this:

On Monday, August 20, Matt Hastings used the tag #ShadowhuntersLives.

On Thursday the 23rd, he was unusually active and pretty much ALL about the show, except for one tweet:

Why spend the morning making Shadowhunters tweets, drop in a single mention of The Originals, then go back to making more SH tweets?

Obviously Paul Wesley has a Shadowhunters connection (didn’t he direct an episode ;-P ?) but if he was just wanting to share memories of Paul Wesley and Shadowhunters, there was plenty of material to choose from.

Again, I have to reiterate that this is flimsy, because Matt doesn’t really need a reason to delve into nostalgia for ALL the shows he’s been involved with. It may not go any deeper than that.

But he wasn’t being nostalgic about ALL his shows. He was being nostalgic about THIS one.

So it immediately made me think of the connection @saadiestuff made when I was talking about the #ShadowhuntersLegacy tag, which is that it could be that Shadowhunters is getting a spin-off featuring the same characters, the way The Originals is getting the Legacies spin-off.

Because, as @malecficlibrary just said to me, #ShadowhuntersLives is a REALLY strange hashtag to use for for a cancelled show that has no hope. Like...?

Maybe Matt Hastings didn’t know about the #ShadowhuntersLegacy hashtag on Monday, so he used #ShadowhuntersLives. Then someone clued him in, so he dropped a The Originals/Legacies hint.

Like I said, flimsy, but I’m putting it out there anyway. Because why not?

#shadowhunters #saveshadowhunters #cancellation meta

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surflove808 · 6 years

Text

Fan Wars: A New Hope. Damnit.

I sure do hope you like reading lots of words!!

Here's the remix (Edited. Longer. Angrier. Yay!): I’m about to get all fire and brimstone up in here. I apologize in advance.

Regarding my blog post re: The Joke Debacle, most everyone has been so thoughtful, mature, kind and open minded about the discussion matter, even if they didn’t necessarily agree with me. So that right there, shows me that it’s possible for all of us to be more understanding with each other regardless of our ships or faves or whatever. And I’m an open-minded, open book, so even if you don’t agree with me, this is a safe place to vent concerns or frustrations with what I say. We can all respectfully disagree, meet in the middle or go just back to our own corners. Whatever.

I'd like to encourage those of you who are taking your frustrations out on anyone who agrees with points made in my article (on Twitter or wherever) to come speak directly to me if you have an issue. I wrote it, after all. My blog is helpfully linked right there in the article. I don't bite. And for those of you who aren't overly familiar with what's going on, please check out the many, many comments attached to my actual blog post, and you will be able to see that there are far more people that are fed up with these bad apples, than there are bad apples. I hope. And if there are apples that don’t feel like they’re being given a fair shake, I’d like to hear from those apples too.

When I posted my angry rant last week, I didn’t expect it to gain so much traction. But it did…and it showed me I wasn’t alone, and that there are a lot of fed up fans out there, and justifiably so, who are looking for an end to this ridiculous inner-fandom civil war. I'm relatively new to Tumblr. I wasn't expecting to become the unofficial mouthpiece for this issue.

I was approached by movietvtechgeeks.com asking if they could use my blog post in an article about the cyberbullying that’s happening in this fandom, so I said “Sure!” I’m honored that someone would want to print my rambling. But of course, it’s also opened up the floor on Twitter, yet again, for certain people to deliberately misconstrue the content and twist it to suit their own agenda in the comment sections. What they fail to realize is…they’re only proving why we needed this article in the first place. So, joke’s on them!! However…. now I feel obligated to come on here and clarify my intent and that’s friggin irritating.

Here is the article if you want to take a looksee: https://twitter.com/movietvtechgeek/status/927578926397952000

I NEED TO MAKE A FEW THINGS CRYSTAL CLEAR (apparently):

1. I don’t have a ship. I don’t dislike shippers. (Ship away! I just dislike pushy people with no sense of boundaries) So please do not misconstrue anything I say as promoting or denigrating *a* ship. You do you. Let me do me. Well, that sounded vaguely dirty… you know what I mean. I’m just gonna ship me with myself now. Nobody can love me quite like me.

2. I don’t stan an actor, and I don’t think that because someone likes “another” actor (whomever that might be) more, that it’s a direct affront to me or them. I tag all these "relevant to the post” actors because I think they’re all relevant to the success of this show, and sadly….also to this juvenile ridiculousness that seems to be brewing between fan factions.

But, if I’m being honest? Full disclosure: I do have a favorite! Jensen. Heyyyoooo! I think he’s an incredibly talented actor IN MY OPINION, and I like his extraordinarily expressive face. See? Simple as that. Is that a problem? And do you feel better now that it’s out in the open?

We can all have opinions, and favorites without “throwing feces like howler monkeys” to quote a certain dickhead angel. And as far as personalities and talent go? They’re all amazing, and they all belong, IN MY OPINION. The main cast, the supporting cast, new castmates, former castmates…. they all just…gel. You know? It’s some kind of voodoo magic. And they’re by all accounts, really decent people doing good things out there in the world. Without any one of them, it wouldn’t be the show we all know and love. And if you don’t love the SHOW, well….I guess fucking go watch something else? Right??

Listen....Unless you’re tied to a chair Clockwork Orange-style, and being force fed this show by some evil, covert government agency… you DO have other choices.

3. I sucked it up and joined Twitter because there seems to be an attack dog, hive-mind situation happening that seems hell bent on cowing people into submission. That shit doesn’t fly with me. And if I’m on there and see bullying, damaging misinformation or harassment… I’m going to get in the fray. But I’m going to TRY to do it with honesty, integrity and a sense of humor. I want to sit at the adults table on Turkey Day. Not at the kids table with Weird Uncle Augustus. Know what I mean? Don’t be that guy.

AND ONCE MORE FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK: To be clear - I’m not speaking to ONE specific group of people. However, if you look into the mirror I’m holding up and see your own reflection? I’m probably talking to you.

4. I’m not going to choose a “side”. I choose the show, it’s actors, crew, writers, etc, collectively. Because they all work their asses off, both on and off the set to give us fans so much more than just entertainment.

5. If someone wanted to hold a mirror up to this fandom right now, via a juicy documentary on the ship wars, fighting factions, undermining, conspiracy theories, revenge tactics, harassment campaigns, etc…. I think its safe to say, we’re all gonna be pretty fucking embarrassed. Let’s hope that never happens. I’m cringing just thinking about it. But we deserve it, if we keep on with this petty bullshit, ya know? 6. My blog post was not about for J2 "stans” or about Misha “stans”, for gods sake people. This post was about how splinter groups (for lack of a better term) were being damaging and disruptive (As they do.) and how it’s bad for EVERYONE when we let warring factions steamroll over everyone else, AND each other. This post was a direct response to the organized and brutally efficient Twitter campaign that somehow found its way into the laps of a handful of online news sites in an effort to publicize an off-color joke in order to take advantage of the current climate in the entertainment industry and start a viral witch hunt. *I just ran out of breath. Time for a James Brown pause*

7. My post was also aimed at the Twitter spamming campaigns that Shatner and Pellegrino, as well as J2 had to put up with in the past few weeks. And don't feed us that horsehit about them bullying the poor fans that spoke their minds. NO. You collectively went on, and started shit, kept coming at them, and they defended themselves. And rather maturely, considering. It’s about groups of people that have gotten so wrapped up and out of control, that they’re poisoning this fan family. I genuinely feel concerned that some folks are confusing reality with fiction, here.

8. If you look back farther on my Tumblr page (?) to the good ol days of last Thursday (?) - particularly the Silent Majority post - that post is not in reference to any fan or any actor, specifically. It’s in reference to the majority of fans who want to do the right thing, WANT to help out, WANT to just enjoy the damn show without all this drama and hate. But because they’re quiet, and they’re not able to speak their minds without fear of retribution…. they’re vastly under-represented. And so, the assholes of the fandom run amok unchallenged. THAT’S the majority I’m speaking of. 9. I abhor anyone that lurks around on social media looking for people to mess with. So, imagine my surprise and disappointment that now I’M that person, because of this fucking shit!! I’m only getting after people who are picking on others, but still… lurking, arguing. Utter waste of valuable time. Yours and mine.

Saturday night I apparently pissed off the leader of one of the SPN gangs (what do you call them??) when I called her out on her behavior and was ominously told: “Wanna see what happens when I tell my followers what to think and do”. To which I responded “I already have. And it’s deplorable” And then offered to provide her with my name, # and home address. She didn’t want it. I don’t know why. I thought it was funny! I NEVER get hate mail... and I was looking forward to some postcards. I’m old school that way. Don’t hate tweet me. Send me a hate postcard featuring something cool from your state.

Jokes aside....that’s the kind of crap that mobilized me in the first place.

I tried to have a reasonable conversation with this individual and even asked if she wanted to take it offline and talk. I followed her lead, conversationally, did snark back when required...but just when I thought we were going to have a reasonable discussion, she pulled the rug out. I tried. If you’re reading this and you feel misrepresented, or misunderstood, or you’re trying to misrepresent our conversation - the door is still open if you want to talk. But I’m not going to tolerate your bullshit, and neither should anyone else.

Who ARE these people? And why is this happening? That’s my question.

10. I'm not here to listen to arguments that a 6-year old might find compelling in a court of law, such as: Well, Jensen told that joke a year ago, or Misha said thisthatandtheotherthing back in the day...so why are you only talking about Jareds joke?

Well...because this is not a tit-for-tat thing. I'm talking about the issue that is relevant RIGHT NOW. And this is far from a "blame it on Jared" thing. I feel awful for the guy. For both of them for even being looped into this insanity. The intent of my blog post was to address very current events that have been demonstrative of the current, toxic climate brewing in the SPN fandom. I’m NOT here to write the Unabridged History of SPN Actors and Their Fondness for Off-Color Jokes.

11. If you're all wound up and offended by what I wrote? It's probably because I wrote this blog post not for you, but about you. OR, you've not been provided with context, content or clarity, and you got swept up in this manufactured hysteria and reacted. OR, you think I’m a total asshole, and that’s ok. I get it! And I understand how my post could make some of you defensive and prickly. But hey, as the saying goes... don't start none, won't BE none. On the flip side, as someone eloquently stated (ahem, CarolHansson) "It's ok to be offended....it's also ok to not be offended"

12. I am not a rape apologist. And neither are the actors. And to even insinuate that any of us, by extension of supporting Jared or Jensen in this situation, are pro "rape culture", is appropriating a term and using it so irresponsibly that you're negating the real suffering of sexual abuse survivors. The more you trivialize it, the more you take away its power. Stop using manufactured concern for survivors as your jumping-off point for harassment, and START asking yourself what's really motivating you to use that argument as an excuse for your behavior. BTW, #Metoo, and you sure as hell don't represent ME.

If you want to see a record of this casts achievements for mental health awareness, LGBTQ rights, anti-bullying and womens issues, to name a few - it's a simple Google search away. That's on your time. Not mine. Again....not here to write their autobiography. This piece is an opinion piece. I try to be balanced, but that’s as far as it goes. I'm not CNN.

13. MISHA: Misha was not mentioned in my post because Misha was not under fire last week or the week before over this stupid bullshit. If I SEE that happening, I’ll write about THAT. But HE was not the focus of this mess. So I left HIM out of it. Does that make sense? And also? I'm not here to equally represent all actors at all times. That's not how this works in the context of the subject matter at hand. If you want to see more adequate representation for your favorite actor - write your own op ed. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.

And Misha as well as J2, are probably more than a little appalled that some of their biggest fans (?) are committing to some shady behavior in their honor and in their names. Just a guess. They’re good guys and this is probably not sanctioned behavior. If you think it is? Show me the receipts. Let’s do this honestly, using facts. Not conjecture.

14. No, I do not excuse anyone's behavior because of their physical attractiveness. Neither do most people. I am not a child (Thank you, Uma Thurman), and I don't rationalize like a child.

15. No, I am not doing this to seek approval from the actors, and neither is anyone else with the #istandwithJ2 hashtag. As previously stated, this is an equal and opposite reaction to the bullshit that brought us all here today. You’re grasping at straws at this point, if that’s the argument you’re going with. Speaking on my own behalf, I have nothing to gain here, except some new Tumblr friends with a side of troll.

16. To reiterate on previous posts - I’m hoping that all of us will collectively start sticking up for each other when we see someone harassing a fellow fan online. Even if you don’t want to comment….maybe give the person being flamed those little heart thingys (likes?). Direct message them if liking their post doesn’t feel safe. Show them your support in some way, so that they don’t feel alone and so that they don’t feel quite so vulnerable to attacks from online bullies. We Have Got To Start Backing Up People who are just trying to express their opinions respectfully and are being slammed with responses that are belligerent, demeaning, threatening, obnoxious, etc. Otherwise - these jerks will just keep steamrolling right over the more gentle viewers out there. And a lot of them, are just kids. And this goes both ways. It has to, in order to be effective.

If you see something - say something. That’s my 2 cents anyway.

The world’s going to Hell in a handbasket, 26 innocent people were gunned down yesterday in a place they held sacred and felt safe in, and it just keeps happening.

Mother Nature has decided she’s sick of our shit and has been upending thousands of lives. There are actual sexual predators in some of our pasts and sadly, in some of our futures. And this “joke” has no relevancy or bearing on that sad fact.

Women, people of color, LGBTQ people, economically fragile people, physically fragile people, etc...are seeing their protections, rights and livelihoods eroded away in an alarmingly short period of time, and the list goes on and on… and THIS is what we’re dedicating our mental and emotional resources to?

This show is supposed to be an escape from reality, guys. Not actual reality.

Why are we harassing the actors and fellow fans of a television show that brought us all together in the first place? This is entertainment, people. I know how important this show is to all of us. And I know how impactful the message of this show has been. And I know that without this show, some of us might not be here today. We are some passionate sumbitches. I GET THAT.

The question still remains.... what in the actual fuck are we really fighting for and about, here? If someone can quantify and explain that to me in a way that makes sense, I’m all ears.

Has it really come to: “Maybe we need to devise a more sophisticated tagging situation so that people don’t keep dipping their chocolate in other peoples peanut butter.” I don’t know. But this is Nth level ridiculousness, and we need to figure it out before it gets even worse.

For now, I’m going to get back to enjoying this show for what it is, and putting my beautiful brain back to work on more important matters. I’ve spent a week in this muck, and it’s been... enlightening. I’ll say that.

And even though I don’t agree with some of you - I can see by the CSI-level attention to detail that a lot of us have applied to all things SPN... that we could actually be mobilized into an almost unstoppable force for real good and real change. If we wanted that.

We could probably figure out who ordered JFK’s assassination. Figure out where Jimmy Hoffa’s buried. Solve the mysteries of the pyramids.... help reunite missing kids with their families...Get Trump impeached... ahem. You get it.

Or we could just keep wasting our pent-up aggression on other fans, and the actors of our favorite show. Because that’s easy. Choices.

But wait! There’s more! Because I keep getting valid messages and concerns, this ridiculously long piece just got longer.

Posting these blogs has opened the door to a lot of private communication from both sides of the fence in the fandom, and I'm going to include some of my recent responses to an SPN fan who felt that her group of fans were not getting a fair shake and felt my blog targeted them. We had a long discussion and she was very cool and had a lot of valid concerns and examples of other bad fan behavior dating wayyyy back, so I wanted to add this in.

I'm just going to paraphrase my own replies and print them here, so that people who may feel misrepresented or angry can see that, there are other ways to discuss these issues and for everyone to see that there's a better way than Twitter Wars.

(Paraphrased conversation subject matter in italics)

What's amazing is that J2 fans AND Misha fans have private messaged me with the exact same concerns. And you have one very important thing in common: You ALL feel victimized. And you have been. Know why? It's because you've been victimizing each other.

(Slaps own face. HARD.) Not because of her. But because of this whole enchilada.

If both groups are concerned about the same issues and both want the harassment to stop, whyyyy are you still at each others throats?

Well, I think it's because good people are capable of behaving very badly, especially online. And all they’re doing is making themselves look ridiculous. And they do not merit support.

A lot of people have been using me as a mediator, or prism, so to speak, with regards to this issue. But you don't need me, when you all essentially want the same damn thing.

It's time to stop participating. All you have to do is take a step back and say to yourself (or others if you’re feeling up to it) I'm not going to support harassment, hate or damaging misinformation. And you can do that by unfollowing abusive accounts, by not "liking" or reblogging abusive content...and/or by not contributing to it yourself. And if enough of us did that, BOOM, on our way to a solved problem.

These are only a few suggestions. There's no cure or quick fix for this.

Only alternatives to current behaviors.

And I know there's a lot of bad blood between these groups as evidenced by the mountains of grievances I've been getting. Can’t un-say or undo any of it. But we can stop doing it going forward, can’t we?

As long as people want to keep concentrating on past transgressions and dwelling on past arguments, no one can move on.

And continuing to keep score with hopes to "win" something on here isn’t working either. I’ve got bad news: There's no "winning" here. No grand prize. Just more of the same bullshit. And if you’re happy to sit in this pile of crap and continue to marinate? That’s your prerogative. By “your” I mean WHOMEVER fits the bill.

It's not my responsibility to make you play nice with each other. Or mediate your arguments. Though, it sounds like mediation is exactly what ya'll might need. I'm just here, publicly stating how this all looks to me: Like a never-ending playground slapfight.

I think that there will always be "haters". That's the nature of fandom, and life in general. But if we stop promoting that kind of behavior with our support, and if these individuals have to lurk in the back channels, as opposed to being allowed to thrive and build fiefdoms all over social media. That sounds like a good compromise to me.

And if you have a lot to express on this matter from your own perspective, there are better alternatives to spamming people on Twitter. For example...

Write a blog! If you’d like to provide an objective viewpoint, and also defend your stance but you’re afraid people will see that you support actor A, B, or C and automatically discount what you have to say? Start a side blog. Compile a list of wrongs that you’ve seen committed by both sides and be the mirror, and show people what they’ve become.

Create your own, blank slate and start fresh.

There, now I can drop the mic.

#Jensen Ackles #Jared Padalecki #Misha Collins #spnfandom #spn family #dean winchester #Sam Winchester #castiel #mark pellegrino #lucifer

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rpadoptionnetwork · 6 years

Note

Hey there! We were wondering if you would be interested in giving us a full review (We're okay with public). Also sidebar, I love what you're doing here. This is really a great idea.

DISCLAIMER: this review is only reflective of my own opinions and is intended to provide constructive criticism. there is no obligation to listen to or agree with anything said.

OVERALL:

from the colour scheme to the fonts and graphics, everything feels so– thematically similar and visually pleasing. i’m incredibly impressed with how everything turned out, even if i’m not exactly convinced that i would apply. thank you so much for your hard work and love for this rp, because it clearly shows. that being said, there’s still a few things that i would like to see changed or improved upon, mostly to aid clarification.

i’ve done my best to give my honest review and opinion on your rp. i tend to be a bit wordy, so there is also a TLDR at the very bottom of the page. as always, i am here to elaborate on any of my critiques if asked. thanks for coming by!

ACCESSIBILITY:

this is not my favorite fansite theme, mostly because it is so commonly used, but you guys have done a really good job of making it your own. the links you’ve chosen to highlight on the main page very helpful and i’m happy that you’ve included so much information about the world you’ve created in the navigation.

unfortunately, i also feel that most of your writing is incredibly dense. as a newcomer to your universe and the concepts you have presented, it takes more than one read in order to understand what is being presented to me and that’s a bit of a turn-off.

i see the most problem in pages such as your rules– which, as an ooc page, should be very easy to navigate, but instead is organized in a way that I don’t feel encourages people to actually read your guidelines. this wordiness combined with the placement of your password, leads me to believe that most would just skip to the end and not read what you’ve written. i’ve suggested changes that i would make in the ‘RULES page’ section down below.

as a general structure, accessibility is great. however, for people wanting to discover more about your world, i think there must be a better way to organize the details of your story.

PLOT:

I really do think that this is an original and lovely plot idea, but I stayed on this page for a very long time and I’m still not sure I understood the whole concept. Though this plot is not particularly very long, it feels that way.

The very first sentence does not grab your attention and the first paragraph is a lot of exposition for an audience that is not quite invested yet in your RP. In particular, the first two sentences introduce three completely new concepts and terms to potential applicants, and it feels a bit sprung unto you.

It is just dense and hard to understand. I’ve done a bit of retooling of the first section that I feel better conveys the idea of your RP. I am not saying that it is better or that your writing is not Amazing (bc I firmly believe that it is), but I want to give you an option. .

A centuryago, Sector Zero of the American Government began work on PROJECT GENESIS, aclassified experiment that resulted in the creation of supersoldiers.

These supersoldiers,known as Novas, were a subspecies of humanity gifted with extraordinaryabilities. Though they looked and behaved just like any other humans, theirpowers made them more valuable and more dangerous than any human could ever be.And thus, though they had been exploited by their creators for decades, their veryexistence was kept a secret for the public.

It wasonly in 2015 when the world found out about Novakind.

And it wasthen, that the world changed for good.

Within three years, Novakind were forced to registerthemselves or be imprisoned. For the next decade, Novas and Humans would waragainst each other, attempting to find the delicate equilibrium that wouldallow both sides to coexist. When the acts of terrorism from both sides grewmore and more violent, the government was forced to step in, passing the Nova Protection Act of 2026— a piece of legislationthat saw to the imprisonment of all Nova kind under the guise of“protecting” both them and the humans.

Toavoid being forced to live in the walled-off camps and be subject to the crueltythat the Protection Act established, many Novas became fugitives. There, they seek refuge in abandoned neighborhoods, hoping tooutrun the reach of the government until the horrible injustice comes toend.

In general, I advise that your plot

relies less on terminology (Sector Zero, Project Genesis, Nova, Novakind, Novum districts,..etc. are all words we have never heard before and thus we need a slow introduction to them.

tries to be more immediately attention-grabbing rather than expository

++ there’s a few grammatical and spelling errors in your plot and extra information pages and that’s a big turnoff for me. i would read through your plot one more time and proofread.

I wish the summary and notes section was separated from the rest visually (perhaps with a few line breaks?) rather than indicated under another subheader. It makes more sense to me to have it stand apart from the rest of the plot as it can be and should be read on its own, rather than as a continuation of the more detailed plot.

Though the READ MORE section is helpful and should be included in your rp, it does look a little bit out-of-place on this page, especially directly after the summary. I would rather see a READ MORE link that directs to a page with all 5 separate links right after your detailed plot.

AESTHETIC/GRAPHICS:.

I have genuinely nothing bad to say about your fonts or your layout. I wish I could write as long a section on how much I appreciate the colour scheme you’ve chosen and how consistent it is as I wrote about your plot.

You’ve made everything work for you and I’m really impressed.

I wish I had your eye for colour and your ability to pick pictures. Good job!

SKELETONS:

I love the diversity in your skeletons and the ideas behind them. The freedom of choice in the faceclaims and the unique connections are really appreciated.

However, none of the skeletons really stand out to me. A lot of the skeletons feel like bullet points, rather than like a quick look into their lives.

I love the graphics associated with each skeleton and think each of the blurbs on the skeletons are perfectly adequate, but none of them really come to life for me. Lupus and Leo are, in my opinion, the best of the batch, but I want more–

I’m sorry that I can’t really elaborate on what I’m looking for, but, in the future, I hope that you can try for a less expository description and something more imbued with animation and emotion. When skeletons are written livelily, it really does allow potential applicants to connect more with your vision of the character.

At this point, I wouldn’t change anything, but I hope that you keep this in mind for the future.

THE PAGES:

—– THE ‘RULES’ PAGE

If I would change one thing about your entire RP, it would be the rules. This page is hard to read through. Some of it feels repetitive and, at points, it even directly contradicts itself (no age limit, but also strongly recommended age limit).

I understand the need for all these rules, and, actually believe that most of them need to be there. However, the presentation could just be a little different.

For example, IV, V, IX are all the same topic with slight variations and can be summed up into

OOC Drama and Bullying will not tolerated in this RP. This includes forcing of ‘ships’ or ‘plots’ on other players without consent. If you feel uncomfortable of have any problems with any players, please contact us and we will resolve the issue. If found to be instigating the drama, you will have two warnings before you will be removed from the RP.

And instead of

We(as admins) promise to try and accept applications in a timely manner. We willtry to do acceptances every Wednesday and Sunday, however due to life outsideof tumblr things may change. We promise to make announcements regarding anychanges in acceptance dates/times as soon as possible.

Wedo reserve the right to deny applications, though it is a very rare occurrence.If we do deny an application, it will be for one of three reasons: 1. We feelyou do not understand the skeleton for which you’re applying. 2. Someone elseapplied, and even if your app was spectacular, we felt that the other applicantunderstood the character more, and you chose not to have a secondary optionwhen applying. 3. You failed to use spellcheck or other grammar resources whenwriting your app, to the extreme that it was very hard to read. If you weredenied and would like the reason why, just let us know and we’ll gladly talk itover with you. That being said, even if you’re denied, we would absolutely loveto see you apply again.

I would simply put

Acceptances are every Wednesday and Thursday. If conflicts arise, we will make an announcement regarding any changes in acceptance dates/times.

We reserve the right to deny applications. If you were denied and would like the reason why, please feel free to message us. Regardless of the reason why you were rejected, we will be happy to see you reapply.

As you can see, this is far less wordy and still conveys the same message.

I also firmly believe you should never have a TLDR on your rules page, because well… the players Should read your rules.

—– THE EXTRA INFORMATION PAGES

There a few spelling and grammatical errors on these pages and it continues to be a little bit hard to understand.

I would read over these and try to edit them in a way that is more concise.

—– RANDOM COMMENTS

The Dinah Drake name throws me off a little bit, as there is a popular superhero character by that name. It shouldn’t be important, but it just took me out of it.

I highly suggest that you stylize the title of your RP when it shows up (ie DEFIANCE vs Defiance.) It helps distinguish that this is the name of your RP rather than just a noun. It also looks a lot more dynamic.

I would avoid using slang and other colloquialisms when answering asks (ooh, oh, lol..etc.) as usually you are explaining more about your universe and your vision. You want to answer asks clearly and portray your professionalism. Otherwise, I really like the vibes you give off! You seem welcoming and I’m really glad about that.

TLDR; what i would like to see changed

EDIT your Rules & Plot so that they are less wordy and more engaging (also reread for grammatical errors).

I genuinely found your plot hard to get through because it was a lot of ‘telling’ (rather than showing) and it felt a little bit dry. When introducing so many new concepts to potential applicants, you have to ease them into it and sort of sweeten the waters by using a little (but not too much) purple prose and description. It gives life and atmosphere to your RP.

Your rules are just too long and, if I were applying, I would just avoid reading them if possible. I also don’t like the use of a TLDR at the end as it feels unprofessional and implies that one can skip over your rules.

Stylize the word DEFIANCE when you are referring to your RP, so we are aware that it is the title of your RP, rather than just a word.

Really not much else! I like this RP a lot! It is truly beautiful and I wish the best for you.

as a last note and reminder, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO TAKE ANY OF MY SUGGESTIONS AND I WILL NOT CARE if you have not taken any of them. There is no ill-will from me to you. As always, this is not intended to be hate and I genuinely want the best for you guys. I’ve done my very best to make sure my advice is constructive, but please call me out if you find any of this offensive or crude.

Thank you and have a nice day. Good luck!

#rp review #rpo #rpt #defiancerpg #tl;dr

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lightspren · 6 years

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Year End 2017 Wrap Up

I’m gonna be straight up honest with y’all, I almost didn’t do one of these for this year because this year has sucked horrifically and I just didn’t see a fucking point. But I’ve done one every year for like, at least four years now, and it’s tradition, and I for some reason feel it’s important, so by damn I’m gonna look back on my text posts from the year and my memories of what I was doing and see what happened this past year.

Jan 2017 - Was beginning my last ever semester of undergrad this month. At this point I still thought I’d be going to grad school hahahah so much can fucking change in a few months. Started my AC sideblog so that’s cool. and even this far back (: we still see me struggling with debilitating pain (: which has been a trend ever since I’ve been doing these year summaries I think, is seeing how bad my pain was throughout the year. jfc. looks like I was struggling with some depression symptoms here too, go fucking figure. I had an interview for grad school too and we know how badly that went…

Feb - Here’s where I decided I thought i might be on the autism spectrum. I now think I was wrong on that self dx, but you know, journeys of self discovery are important and all that. but here’s lots more pain and tired and “brain not working” which was lots of depression symptoms I believe, sigh I let that get bad for a while there. Oh and then I learned I didn’t get into that grad school I got the interview for. so yeah that was Feb in a nutshell l o l

Mar - Breath of the Wild came out this month and dominated my life for a month or two, I still love this game very much and it’ll always hold a special place in my heart, ti’s just so good and sweet and lovely. I still haven’t even really beat it LOL and I need to but. still. that’s never been the most important part of Zelda games to me. OOO THO I had beginnings of existential crises this month!! cause I was getting so bogged down in my thesis research and didn’t know if research was what I wanted to do forever and ever anymore!! isn’t that fun!! (it was not fun). but the rest of this month seems like. a whole lot of bitching about pain. paaaain pain pain. like holy jesus bitching about pain. maybe if I printed off all these posts and gave them to my doctors they’d believe I have a problem LOL.

Apr - So I had shitty dr appointments that further hurt my chronic illness identity, and then other Ongoing Identity Crisis because of not getting into grad school and wanting a job in which I could help people. this is the month I in earnest started applying for jobs; research tech jobs mostly, but some adjacent jobs too (don’t remember what exactly). I didn’t branch out very far at this point though cause I was still McFuckin Terrified. and then I realized that I didn’t want to leave hundreds of miles away for work, cause as much as a lot of the culture of southern Appalachia can suck sometimes, it’s still home, /my/ home, and I don’t want to abandon it. I know I freaked out a lot about getting my thesis done and presented this month too bc I was soooOooOOoO unmotivated to do that shit LOL like. whew. did not want to, did not care any longer, but still had to do it.

May - GOT MY FIRST EVER TICKET LOL THAT FUCKING SUCKED SO BAD. sigh. otherwise I was mostly vague as SHIT with stuff this month. I know I graduated, didn’t walk though cause I could not give less of a fuck at that point. I applied for every job I could find that I remotely qualified for that was close enough I was willing to move to. I even had a Skype interview for one, either this month or in April. it fell through, of course.

Jun - One of my very first June posts is “who the fuck am I/how do I become who I want to be” LOL so that identity crisis was still rip roaring obvs. then that time when I tried to explain disability stigma to one of my previous (cishet white male) bosses. Had another phone interview this month for another job I didn’t get lmfao. Pretty sure this is the month where I started applying for mental health case management jobs, like a bunch of them, at different locations all in the company I’m currently in.

July - So I think it must have been around the beginning of this month that I had my first in person interview? I bombed that one hardcore. didn’t stop another location from interviewing me though, and I got a second interview with them, which I then proceeded to fail because I had no prior experience. It was brutal LOL. and the new person started at my old job, and I had to start training her, and that whole situation was just awkward and weird and Undesirable. to the maaax. it was this whole ordeal too where they’d scheduled my last day to be the 28th of July, so that’s what I was planning on and like, focused on… but then it turned out my coworker got national guard orders and had to be gone two months, so instead of having newbie there by herself, they were like (to me) “hey… just wanna… chill for two months longer or until you find a job…” which was admittedly hella cool of them.

Aug - Lots of blogging about pain, lots of general vagueblogging. I did announce publicly on tumblr that I’m intending to convert to Judaism so that’s still cool, and still a thing, even if life has been repeatedly crotch-punching me so I haven’t been able to make much actual progress on it. but then, I had the interview for my current job. that i somehow passed with flying colors. And my asthma started getting worse, and I started getting soooooo so done with my old IT job, but I /got my new job/. ALSO THIS MONTH WE GOT RADS MY SWEET NEW BABY so now our family is made of me, my husband, and two kitties.

Sept - September. Oh, September. started out so innocently, with starting orientation for my new job. I was all starry eyed and hopeful for the new job because I thought that it was a perfect home for me. then I got there. started doing things. realized that I was terrified of trying to meet my new coworkers and learn their dynamics. realized I was terrified of trying to meet my new supervisors/superiors and learn their expectations. realized that in general I just didn’t know the culture of the place at all and that fucking /terrified/ me. and then the job itself, the job itself was something I’d never done before, had no experience in /whatsoever/, had no FUCKING clue what I was doing. I was a fish out of water with no bloody idea where I was going, and hoooboy. I almost quit by the end of September, I truly did.

Oct - tw: miscarriage at end of month I started therapy for my anxiety!!! yay!!!! I had a lot of adapting to work in this time too that I didn’t really talk much about on tumblr too I think. I mean I was learning a lot, I was meeting more of my clients, some even time. I was still terrified, especially of my other coworkers because I didn’t know them or understand them, but even at that, I was learning. [Stop reading if you need to avoid tw miscarriage and skip to Nov.] The other horrifically sucky thing to happen in Oct happened not to me, but to my sister. She’d found out a few months perviously that she was pregnant, at 37 years old. they’d just recently gotten all the genetic testings back and found out they were going to have a girl. unfortunately though, the baby stopped developing at 15w. my sister discovered this at what would’ve been 17w. she had to have surgery to remove the baby. she’s still recovering from this trauma, she’s heartbroken and just. very upset. I’m still upset for her too.

Nov - Last month I was doing ok I think. I was doing pretty well at work, kinda just coasting along but mostly getting the hang of things. Therapy had been helping I think; it’d been teaching me somethings, mostly only small differences but I think having someone to talk to had been helping frankly. Work was going well, and we’d decided to start looking for a house to /buy/ (realtor.com) but hadn’t hired a realtor yet. probably for the best. as it turns out now…

Dec - Fuck you, December. the good news is, my new job’s health insurance kicked in Dec. 1st. which is great, considering I got admitted to the hospital Dec. 7th, a Thursday. the Monday prior I’d tried to pop a zit, no big deal. WRONG. it got infected. not just any old infection, though, oh no. FUCKING MRSA. so I got cellulitis in my face, my whole right side of my face swelled up three times the normal, I got MRSA/pneumonia in my lungs, I had MRSA in my bloodstream. when I came in the ER I had very low blood pressure and heartrate of 130, so I was septic. like. shit was going down. I stayed in the hospital 6 days, and they released me with a PICC line and having to do vancomycin (really strong IV antibiotic) twice a day via the line. I went back to work too early for two days, but saw my PCP on the third day and he put me off that again. /Then the chest pain started/. I assumed it was a side effect of the vancomycin, since back and chest spasms/pain are a listed side effect, but NO, apparently NOT, at least not to this DEGREE. The home health pharmacy, who I called to ask about it, called the on-call at my PCP, who advised to go to the ER to get checked for a “pulmonary embolism.” Doesn’t sound scary at aaaaaaaaaall. Get in ER, go through the whole terrifying ordeal, CT scan, x-ray, shit and shebang - what do you fucking know. I have a septic embolism. very rare. much wow. fuck me. so here I am, once again, in a fucking hospital room, tied up to IV antibiotics, at the end of Christmas day. At least they’re keeping the pain meds going now. Oh at one point my kidney function tried to drop, then it turned out I had a pleural effusion so they drained 550cc (half a liter) of fluid off my lungs (painful as fuck let me tell you). Ended up spedning 5 days total in the hospital, home now, but still in like. the same amount of pain as when I went in. Having to fight with so many things to get medicines sorted and shit. while feeling like shit too. everything is awesome.

So that’s it. 2017. That doesn’t even get into the way 2017 has sucked on a global, non-personal scale, that’s just how it’s sucked on a mostly-immediately-personal scale, and I’ve even left out some of the immediately personal ones I think. and that’s just the shit I remember LOL jesus christ. I really need to do an effigy burning of this year.

#kit being stupid #happy new year #year end 2017

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agentdagonet · 6 years

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Echoes, Ch. 10

Find it here on AO3

Find it here on tumblr: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Fic Summary: Feet dangling off the edge of the bed, hands still resting on the earpieces of his glasses, Eggsy opened his eyes.

And promptly shut them again, screwing them shut like a child who had the distinct misfortune of biting into a raw lemon. Breathing harshly in his nose and out his mouth, trying to stave off whatever delusional panic had befallen him, Eggsy reopened his eyes.

‘Harry?’

Or: The Hologram Story Nobody Asked For

Eggsy stopped wearing the specs for a bit, after that. The cast came off and PT started for his arm; it was a bitch and a half but it meant he was getting better. That he'd be getting back into the field. But he kept coming back to Harry. Now that it was shoved into his face, albeit accidentally by what was basically a high-tech ghost, Eggsy couldn't help but marvel that he'd upheld Kingsman tradition entirely by accident. He'd upheld a Galahad tradition in a fit of loss and self loathing. Which in itself seemed to be a Galahad tradition. He hid the decanter in a cabinet, but it didn't really do much beside leave a hole to remind him of the realisation. A spot where shit's cleaner or something when you move what was there before.

Eggsy went through the motions of his days much as he had before, but he couldn't really pretend that nothing had changed. On some level (everything I've done has been trying to repay him) Eggsy had always known that Harry still blamed himself for his father's death. No stranger would have reacted to his record so vehemently otherwise- well meaning or not, there'd been honest anger hiding behind his pointed words. The way Harry had always mentioned his dad in passing (your father had the same look on his face) with that melancholy look... In a strange way, Eggsy was grateful that Harry'd been in a coma for such a large portion of his training. Fuck knew what other unnecessary comparisons he would have made between Eggsy and his dad. Where else Eggsy would have ended up barely more than an echo of his father in Harry's eyes. Those thoughts were driven from his head as violently and often as he could manage, often with a round or two at the firing range and a stiff drink. With the notable exception of Roxy once betting he couldn't not shoot himself if he was plastered, the two didn't mix- though he couldn't deny that watching Roxy waddle about awkwardly in a set of twenty-five centimetre platforms was totally worth it.

It took a while, but eventually Eggsy put on his big boy pants and sat himself down in front of Harry in the drawing room on a Thursday afternoon.

'What, no drink, Haz?' Holo-Harry was wearing a cardigan, some dark colour, and holding a book that he'd probably been pretending to read while waiting for Eggsy to step the fuck up and sit the fuck down with him. Not that Eggsy'd been paying attention, or anything.

'With little exception, Eggsy, relaxation does not require alcohol. Perhaps every once in a while, but if one's immediate association with relaxing is to drink... well, I'm certain we both know where that leads.' The book was closed and placed upon his lap, spine obscured by Harry's forearms resting atop it. 'No, Eggsy, this conversation requires no vice strong as that. 'My name is Harry Hart- my mother named me for her grandfather, Hawkins; luckily without actively providing me with a built in "kick me" sign. My father was not the most pleasant of men, my mother was as well-meaning as she was exasperated with the hand she believed life had dealt her, but betwixt them they had far more connections than any average family ought. Mostly due to the fact that my father's first cousin is a man by the name of Chester King.'

Eggsy gasped quietly, never having thought he'd one day vaguely regret killing the man. Very vaguely. Like a memory you're not quite sure truly happened or was just a really realistic dream. Or a blurry picture you can just barely make out.

That is to say, not very much at all, but the fact that they'd been related was an unpleasant surprise. 'We never interacted much- our differences in age and politics were a harsh divide- but the connection was there. Many a night I would come home from university to find my father in the sitting room entertaining him, a fair bit of scotch split between two glasses.' Harry sighed, one hand raising to rub at the bridge of his nose, and Eggsy suddenly noticed just how tired Harry looked. 'Contrary to what you might believe based upon this, Chester was not my sponsor into Kingsman. I'm sure you've noticed by now how uncompromising he can be when he has an opinion. And he has many. 'The day Lancelot died, Eggsy, Arthur attempted to make me see how foolish my previous choice of candidate had been. Made a disparaging comment about choosing a "more suitable candidate" and I will happily admit to wanting him to take a long walk off a short pier.' Eggsy snorted a laugh, relaxing despite himself. 'Didn't know you had it in you, Haz.' The nickname was becoming a bad habit, but it wasn't as if Harry were here to correct him. 'I resisted stating as much, but when he tried to make light of your father's sacrifice... I called him a snob, and told him that there was a reason aristocrats developed weak chins. With respect, of course.' Holo-Harry smiled, eyes glazed over as if caught in a pleasant memory, as Eggsy chuckled from behind his hand. Imagining Harry being a shit to his boss was one thing, but having evidence (or whatever the words of a technological ghost were considered) that he actually had been... Eggsy couldn't help but smile fondly at the Harry-That-Was sitting before him. 'I'd have paid to see that.' 'Merlin can likely obtain a copy of that footage- it happened in the Dining Room, certainly not exempt from surveillance. Alternatively, it's also in my personal terminal somewhere, which you have access to as we're obviously interacting at this moment.' 'You was a shit, weren't you, Haz?'

'I was not always entirely gentlemanly, no- but I knew when to push and when to leave things be. At least, that's what I tell myself when I find I'm in circumstances that could have been avoided by keeping my mouth shut. If I've put myself there, there is a reason and it is worth it. I seldom say much without meaning it.'

Eggsy was simultaneously elated and despondent, the words having brought two distinct moments to mind, unsurprisingly. I see a young man with potential. (Can't you see that everything I've done has been about trying to repay him?) And which one was the truth, then? Did he go by what Harry had said most recently? Had Harry seen potential in him at first, only for Eggsy to fuck it up by not noticing the blank? Would Harry have ever acknowledged Eggsy's accomplishments as his own, instead of some warped echo of his father's potential? 'But that's getting a bit far from the topic. Which, yes, there is in fact a purpose here, Eggsy. I came to the realisation a few days ago that, for all that I know about you, you don't know that much about me. It's something that would have been rectified with time, had I not ended up in a coma and had actually spent your candidacy conscious and present. Or after you had become Lancelot as I was rightfully sure you would.' There was a now-familiar pang in Eggsy's chest. 'Unfortunately, as we sit here having this admittedly one-sided conversation, it's plain to see that we did not get that time. So, I have decided to impart to you what I felt was worth mentioning here. Certainly an unconventional use of Merlin's technology, but not an immoral one. 'I digress, today I've sat here to tell you about my life before Kingsman- the man behind the mask, as it were.' 'I know enough, Haz- I know you from Merlin's drunken ramblin' and your fucking stuffed dog and the old footage I've been going through on your laptop. Yeah, maybe I added some shit here an' there in my head but I knew you- maybe not as much as I wanted to, or as well, but enough.' 'I met the previous Bedivere by happenstance at one of the incredibly boring functions my father expected me to attend. In retrospect he likely expected me to eventually set aside my differences with Arthur and conform to the conventions of that life- which both happened and didn't.' The hologram continued, luckily not talking through Eggsy but not acknowledging that he had spoken beyond the pause.

'I went to university to study Entomology, I've always found the process of pinning insects fascinating, and intended to look into museum work. Curating seemed to be as far from the posh life my father wished for me to enjoy, which pleased my rebellious side. It happened that my obsessive knowledge of insects saved Bedivere from something or other- I don't recall the details, it was a number of years ago- and when the Galahad position became available he named me as his candidate.' A slow smirk curled itself at the edge of Harry's mouth, and Eggsy could easily visualise him steepling his hands as he leant forward onto the table. 'You can only imagine the look on poor Arthur's- Lamorak, at the time- face when I won. Unfortunately there is no footage- as ahead of the times as Kingsman always is, there are limits.'

'I got the feeling it's the opposite of the face he made when I fucked up the last test. Like, he drank half a glass of sour milk and can't bring himself to sick it up, or something.' 'Needless to say it was the highlight of my life until that point. I could probably form a fully corporeal patronus with that alone.' 'You read the Potter books? Thought you was too old for that.' 'Eggsy, you'd be hard pressed to find something I would refuse to read. They were only a global phenomena, and there was a limit to how many "you're a wizard, Harry!" jokes I could take from James before picking the damn things up. Don't let Percival's stoic demeanour fool you- he's just as awful as his husband was. You just don't think he could be the culprit.' 'You sound like a conspiracy theorist- you gonna tell me the moon doesn't exist or something?' 'Fine. Don't believe me. I certainly won't be there to help you undo whatever he decides upon for you. And Roxy's friendship will not grant you mercy. You'll see.'

'Sure, Haz. If you say so.' Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all.

#dagonet writes #Kingsman #kingsman: the secret service #echoes fic

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