#this is the worst way to experience gender ever I literally can do NOTHING about it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

violottie · 20 days

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I cant stress enough how much bi lesbians and bi lesbian discourse flared up my SO-ocd, I was fine for a few months and then I returned to this side of tumblr and I get reminded of them. One of my worst fears is that I am somehow a “bi lesbian” or if after all these years of questioning and finally coming to the conclusion that I’m a lesbian I’ll turn out to be straight in the end. Idk if I should have stayed on the art side of tumblr but where else do I find other lesbians??? I wish I could go back to when I didn’t know “bi lesbians” existed it was easier back then. Apparently the only thing to make intrusive thoughts subside is to be like “so what if I’m not a lesbian, who cares” but I cant do that. I wanna go back to when I didn’t know there were people who deliberately fake being gay because that’s also one of my fears,, even though when I realized I was a lesbian it felt like I REALIZED it rather than chose it

(this is gonna be long but it's very important to talk about so just a heads up on that)

i am so so sorry to hear this, and im infuriated that these fucking creeps in the "community" have caused not only so much blatant lesbophobia to spread but also have caused so much harm to lesbians.

i am right with you because ive been through, and still go through sometimes, what you're experiencing. its terrifying that all this bullshit can snowball and make any doubts we lesbians already have from living in this heterosexual patriarchal society double and multiply even more viciously.

my internalised lesbophobia has worsened also. i doubt myself alot and more often thanks to all this bs. its... i dont even have words to express how damaging lesbophobia, especially from within the "community", is.

it causes harm and trauma and pain and suffering for lesbians, but all these stupid juvenile shits just think it doesnt matter because "uwu theyre so kweer and cool now"

it sucks... but i need you to know it is not your fault that you feel this way.

no matter what anyone inside or outside the community says, and no matter what your spiralling thoughts might make you believe as a result of lesbophobia inside and outside the community, you are not straight, you are not a "bi lesbian", you are not bisexual. you are a lesbian.

i know it is so so hard to just say but i promise you, nothing they say will ever ever change the reality of your lesbianism. i promise you.

it hurts, and its beyond infuriating to have to share space with these disrespectful bastards who coopt our lived experience for a moment of attempted self-actualisation, and that pain deserves to be acknowledged and soothed, not pushed away.

i wish i could give you a hug rn honestly because this shit just fucking sucks. i too wish i could go back to the time when these idiots werent even a concept in my mind or memory, but if there is any advice i can give you to help ease the torment of this constant barrage, it is this:

❤️🧡🤍🩷💖

1) know, for a fact, that nothing anyone, and i mean ANYONE says and no matter how loud they say it, will ever change the lived and exact reality of your innate sexuality.

nothing will ever magic away your lesbianism. it is wired into you, it IS you, a very central part of your personhood. that is not something that any words, especially words shat out of the asshole of a dickhead child on the internet, can ever change.

im not disregarding the hurt, im just reminding you that who you are, who you truly are, cannot change because of the words that hurt. especially because you know deep down that those words are not true.

because being a lesbian is who you are. it is not a quota to reach, or what you do, it is who we are. innately. you know where your natural attactions lie, what genders draw your attraction exclusively and without effort. you know that deep down. we are literally born this way. words cannot change that.

❤️🧡🤍🩷💖

2) the best thing to do whenever you accidentally glimpse said bullshit is to block them and focus on uplifting the actual lesbian community.

lesbians community is such an integral lifeline, i cannot emphasise the sheer importance of enough.

these idiots are, after all, idiots and do not deserve your energy, your time or your pain. they will never matter, and the truth is, they only exist on the internet among weirdos who have no sense of self so seek it by stealing bits and pieces from other peoples personal experience and identity.

they are and always will be inauthentic, unlike you.

❤️🧡🤍🩷💖

3) find and focus on the joy of your lesbianism individually and in lesbian community with other lesbians.

We lesbians are blessed to experience the best kind of human life possible: lesbianism.

our sexuality is bold and strong and proud and beautiful and brilliant and effervescent. it is perfect and brave and worthy of honor and praise and celebration and respect.

our community of lesbians is just as exquisite as we are individually. we are diverse and divine. every butch, femme, stud, stone, masc and feminine lesbian; every trans woman, transmasc, transfem and nonbinary lesbian; every black and brown and lesbian of color; every aromantic, asexual, aroace, non-partnering and polyamourous lesbian; every lesbian of every age and race is so overflown with wisdom and joy and love and brilliance. there is nothing more empowering as a lesbian and nothing that strengthens lesbian pride more than being in a community of lesbians and finding joy in ourselves through each other.

and im not just saying this to be mushy. i mean it. lesbians are divine, and thus, you are also divine.

you are perfect as a lesbian because you ARE a lesbian. you are incredible and intelligent and brilliant and brave.

nothing will change the brilliance of who you are, and in everything you are as a lesbian, you have a universe of lesbians who have been, who are and who will be, all of whom have not only been through the same and similar demeaning bs from the same kind of lesbophobic idiots, but they fought it back and survived and lived and thrived as lesbians.

you are just as strong as every lesbian who has been and is. and you are not alone. i promise you.

i am slowly rebuilding the community of lesbians on this blog that i had on my old one, but i promise you, on my blog you are safe. i swear, i will always always put lesbians first here, and that includes you. i will always defend and support and celebrate lesbians first here, and here you will find many other lesbians who will do the same.

❤️🧡🤍🩷💖

i know this was long, im sorry about that but i just need you to know that i see and feel your pain with you, and i need you to know that you arent going through it alone, and you are not alone.

we lesbians have always stuck together to defend and fight for one another, we have always survived, we have always been here, and we always will be.

i hope this reassures you in some way, and know you're always welcome and safe here ❤️🧡🤍🩷💖

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zuble · 2 years

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ok i’m posting this at midnight my time so maybe (hopefully?) not too many people see this. i just need to get it out of my head so i can sleep tonight.

big trigger warning for medical trauma (i think that’s the right term for it????) and a bit of sexual stuff and also stuff relating to my agab which is a very rare thing for me to talk about.

i can probably never have sex in a “normal” way ever. it used to just be because of dysphoria, like, don’t put anything in me haha it is sooo not Gender lmao. but of course, of COURSE once i start to get over that, my doctor fucks me up.

my body was always sorta weird about its sex organs. the gender stuff certainly didn’t help. but it was time for my pap smear. they said it wasn’t super necessary, but i was totally ok with it, since i had grown more comfortable with what i had and wasn’t as upset about people looking at it. so i got all ready for it. i was told it was going to be painless.

i am not exaggerating when i say it was the single most painful experience of my life. it felt like the doctor was shoving needles and scissors into me. even with the smallest tool and some lube, there was nothing they could do to make it less painful. afte the first few seconds i began screaming and asked her to stop. she said it was for my own good and she would not stop. she had another doctor come in to hold me down. she kept going, and it kept getting more painful. i was literally begging and pleading and screaming to the point where i nearly blacked out. she kept going, saying she wouldn’t stop just because i told her to. it felt like i was being tortured, and whatever information they wanted out of me i would’ve given it to them in a heartbeat.

when it was over, she just said that i was brave for getting through it. fucking “getting through it.” fucking bitch didn’t give me a choice. i didn’t “get through it.” it was the worst pain i had ever felt and i begged for it to end, and you wouldn’t end it. i’ve had my finger nearly bitten off by a dog and that didn’t compare to this. i didn’t get through it, i was forced to experience it. five minutes of actual torture on my most sensitive body part. it wasn’t even supposed to be painful, so clearly there’s something wrong with my body, but i don’t want to think about getting any more tests done on it. fuck no.

so now i’m back to never wanting a real “normal” sexual experience because the thought of anything else ever being inside my body makes me panic. i can’t even touch myself. it hurts me, mentally.

it’s not even the fact that the pap smear was painful that hurts me the most, it’s the fact that my doctor, whom i trusted, held me down and forced it onto me when i screamed for her to stop. after she said it “really wasn’t necessary.”

#i say ‘normal’ as in ‘things going into a hole’ which was why i put it in quotations #bc i know it’s not like. the only ‘normal’ way. just the way most people think about it #anyways i still feel pain there every time i think about this

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gayshipsandanxiety · 2 years

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For the ask game: music recs?? Please??? I've listened to the front bottoms' whole discography like 5 times now i have nothing to listen to

your music taste is already iconic but here ya go <3

the psychedelic furs: i started listening to them because they're my dad's favorite band and GOD there is some gay stuff there. they do mostly synthpop (i think??? i'm bad at recognizing music genres). a lot of their stuff can be interpreted as a disdain for typical hetero white picket fence families/relationships. you absolutely HAVE to listen to love my way that song slaps so hard and some of my other favorites by them shock and soap commercial.

echo & the bunnymen: i found this band from this video (https://youtu.be/ek52acrA1lw) and lost my fucking mind. i have no idea what genre they are but they're and 80s british band and no 80s british band has ever done me wrong. some of my favorites by them are villiers terrace, it's alright (bestie you're gonna start crying when you hear it), clay, ripeness, and never stop (discotheque). the entire porcupine album slaps so fuckin hard.

tears for fears: this band has So Much Gender and they're one of the few 80s bands that i like their 21st century stuff. bestie the instruments!!! so many instruments!! pale shelter and memories fade are both mike wheeler anthems and they are very close to my heart. raoul and the kings of spain is a great album, head over heels is fantastic, and shout makes me astral project.

bronski beat: fuckin bronski beat!!! they're another synthpop band and jimmy somerville's vocal range is just *chef's kiss*. their songs are gay as fuck and their music is just so. music. i'm gonna be honest their songs kinda played a part in me realizing i was mlm. some of my favorites are why?, junk, need a man blues, punishment for love, and ofc smalltown boy.

arctic monkeys: yeah so you might not have heard of them because they're suuuper underground and indie /s. i'm pretty sure typing that sentence made me grow a beanie directly out of my skull lmao. anyway i really like vibe of their music and they go surprisingly hard. the am album is a banger, 505 is of course a classic, and the favorite worst nightmare and whatever people say i am, i'm not albums are also pretty good.

the smiths: either everyone in this band is gay or britain was just like that in the 80s idk. they have a lot of angsty gaycoded songs so ofc i'm obsessed with them. how soon is now?, back to the old house, sweet and tender hooligan, there is a light that never goes out, this charming man, and i started something i couldn't finish all gave me psychic damage but i reccomend you listen to all their songs because literally everything they make is a banger.

taylor swift: you're already gay and a byler stan so you're halfway to becoming a swiftie /hj. i can't put into words what her music does for me i'm just so in love with her songwriting. some of my faves by her are you are in love, new romantics, gold rush, exile, cardigan, cruel summer, paper rings, it's nice to have a friend, all too well, don't blame me, delicate, look what you made me do, dress, i did something bad, and wildest dreams. the midnights album comes out on the 21st!!!!

violent femmes: if you like the front bottoms you'll LOVE the violent femmes they have a lot of folk punkish queercoded songs. just like my father and mother of a girl will turn you into an angsty bisexual male character, no killing is a religious experience, love love love love love is the queer agenda, their violent femmes album i literally cannot listen to without headbanging, and their why do birds sing album could be the soundtrack to literally any steddie fanfic.

gin wigmore: i'm gonna be honest i need to listen to more of her stuff but i was soooo obsessed with her back in my mcu era. i loooove her voice it's so raspy and cool. she does country??? but Woman Country that's actually really good and about heartbreak and becoming stronger. her songs make me feel like the main character of a western. written in the water, black sheep, happy ever after, hbic, and hallow fate slay so hard.

black pistol fire: ahhhh i love them omg. they're grunge rock i think? biggg boot stomping energy. black halo, fever breaks, hope in hell, level, look alive, and well wasted are all blorbo anthems.

des rocs: ehehe i'm so obsessed with this weird little rat man (affectionate). his music is just so !!!!!!! idk how he doesn't have a million listeners already. he's a rocker and sings a lot about mental illness and toxic relationships. let the vultures in is a fantastic ep although huge tw for mental illness, mmc is great, suicide romantics absoultley Destroyed me, wayne is a Song, and his album a real good person in a real bad place is the best thing ever god i love his songs.

bishop briggs: another artist from my mcu era lol. literally every fandom has an edit to her song river but dark side, jekyll & hyde, and high water also slay. the emotion she puts into her songs is so <3333 and GOD her voice is amazing.

barns courtney: GENDER MAN GENDER MAN DOES WHATEVER A GENDER CAN <3 another rocker but he has some acoustic stuff too. his albums 404 and the attractions of youth are just incredible and sinners is also fantastic.

sleepover asks <3

#asks #mutuals <3

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josiebelladonna · 1 year

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how did i ever associate myself with such swarthy, depressing people (plus, facebook needs to make up its mind whether it wants to present the pfps as squares or circles)

meanwhile, i’m fucking dying over here. plus, my selfies get relatively little attention, too: i think there was one that got close to 20, while miss depressing who hates herself but loves her partner™️ gets upwards of 50 on her worst day.

forgive me if i sound insecure but there’s no denying the truth about how i feel. like, gee, everyone wonders why i go primarily over to instagram now and why i’m often on the fence about posting pics of myself on here, too: facebook has made me feel ugly and useless and unpopular to the worst extent, and tumblr doesn’t help. but as i write this out, i realize that these people are the real ugly ones: sorry, your s.o.’s aren’t attractive, they look greasy; nathan peck is better-looking than these guys. i can smell your bad breath even through the screen. going vegan all because red meat is expensive is quite literally the dumbest thing i ever heard, and saying “just buy chicken” is even dumber (it’s called “spend your money wisely, like holy shit”). that sport post had me scratching my head before i realized it was about f1: f1blr is more concise than that. this is all just from today, too: i went in last night and it was basically all this and more. the only good thing was a story from alex (well, he’s my baby: i love him to the moon and back, of course i’m going to pay attention to him 😅).

the whole place is frozen in time, too, like i’m seeing posts that may have been gold in 2011/2012 that are cliché now: borderline sexist, too, like there were a few posts i saw last night that made fun of men while upholding women, which is totally progressive and productive and whatnot, bashing people to make yourself feel better (or bashing your own gender to make yourself look cool instead of taking steps to break the stereotype). you know how we like to bitch about tiktok ruining everything and feeding into a.d.h.d. to the point of destroying our brains: facebook has the opposite effect, leaving everyone in the same headspace they were 10+ years ago at the expense of growing and changing as people and realizing that there’s more to life than griping about the electoral process and doing nothing about it all for the sake of pleasing your so-called connections (hmm, where have i heard that one…). destruction of gray matter works both ways.

when i give advice, first of all, i try not to use the word “just”. “just do this”. i always saw that on there. always. without fail. and I always got condescending remarks, too. “oh, you seem like such a nice person, honey”. call me honey again and i’ll make sure you have honey slathered all over those words of yours on toast. second, i try to advise while giving my own experience because that’s quite literally how you relate to people. saying “just do ____” is dismissive, so is the whole “iT’s FuNnY ‘cAuSe It’S tRuE” vibe of meme culture. i feel like tiktok sort of garnished and accelerated what facebook had started here and that’s making us all lose our sense of humanity (sense of humor, too, like there’s so many memes now that go right over my head).

maybe that’s why art has become a punchline of sorts. and i’ll admit it, i was born unpopular (i feel like if i met alex and took a selfie with him, no one on there would bat a lash. it happened with soundgarden sharing my art, it can happen with him). but last night and just now were signs to me that really all everyone seems to care about is looking cool at the expense of who they are at their core, and it all goes back to the old stodgy severely backed-up toilet that is facebook.

this has to be a sign to bury that place, y’all. come on. it had a great run, but it’s over now.

#rants #facebook #text #personal

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lxvebun · 2 years

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precious love

summary: haikyuu boys just being head over heels in love with you!!

buns notes: fuck I love these boys so much. I hope you all like this<3

content: Atsumu/Oikawa/Iwaizumi/tattooed!Matsukawa/Sugawara x gender neutral reader. Fluff, its literally so soft. Kissing. Eating. Reader is described as beautiful and precious. Reader wears iwa's hoodie. Cursing. English is not my first language so I'm sorry for any mistakes. Not entirely proofread

Dc blogs k!nk and ed blogs fuck off from my fics I don't know how I could make it any more clear that i don't want those types of interactions. Learn to respect boundaries.

-♡navigation -♡dni

Atsumu

Atsumu truly feels like he was put on this earth to love you and he will be sure he fulfills his job. You’re his angel, the love of his life, the safe space he can always count on, his home. He will make sure that you know you're the most precious thing on earth for him. He is not too good with words, but with every kiss you can feel the love he has for you pour from his lips, and every time he pulls you into him and holds you tightly to his chest, you can hear his heartbeat telling you it will never beat for someone else the way it does for you<3

Oikawa

You're about to kiss him, he can tell by the way your eyes dart to his lips every few seconds, and, god it has him stumbling over his words, and butterflies awaken in his tummy. Though he has experienced your sweet kisses numerous times, it still gets him so flustered. It feels like it is your first kiss all over again. He wishes you would hurry up and just go for it. Pull him into you, and let him experience that little piece of heaven that your kisses are. The worst of all is that you’re completely oblivious to the effect you have on him. He could pull you into the kiss first, he could, but he’s afraid his heart will quite literally beat out of his chest if he gets any closer to you. All he can do is try to slow down the butterflies and keep his composure until you finally free him with a loving kiss

Iwaizumi

One of his favorite things in life is coming home to you, dancing around the house in his hoodie. You look so happy and content and so, so his. It confused him the first time when he saw you in his hoodie, he couldn't understand why his heart suddenly started doing flips in his chest, and the warmth that started to creep up his cheeks, but he does now. It shows that you want him and that you feel safe and comfortable with him. Wearing his hoodie, which still has some faint hints of his scent clinging to it, it shows you and the rest of the world that he’s yours and there is nothing else he would rather be.

Matsukawa

If it's one thing Issei didn’t expect to be doing at 3 in the morning, it would be sitting on top of the kitchen counter with you, sipping hot chocolate while waiting for the cupcakes, that you suddenly got the urge to make, to be ready. But there is not anything else he would rather be doing. There’s something about this situation that makes him feel so safe. Maybe it’s the sweet taste of hot chocolate that's warming his entire body, maybe it’s the comforting scent of warm cupcakes that floats around the house, or maybe it’s the way you get such a soft loving look on your face whenever you look at him. He feels a little undeserving of you because you’re just so good to him. The way you always welcome him with open arms after a rough day, and the way you softly trace the tattoos on his arm to lull him to sleep. you’re so precious he just wants to hold you, and he does. Carefully, he places your half-empty mug on the counter before pulling you into a warm, comforting hug and peppering kisses all over your face so he can hear the laugh he adores so much. He will do anything for you if it makes you happy, so if that means baking cupcakes in the middle of the night, you can be sure they will be the best cupcakes you have ever tasted. He will stay with you for as long as you'll have him, and he truly hopes you keep him forever

Sugawara

He adores these slow, soft mornings with you. They usually happen on the weekends, when both of you are off from work, but despite that, you’re still up, wide awake at 5:30 am. The sun is barely peeking over the horizon, and most of the world is still asleep, but here you are, in Suga's arms, dancing through the living room, with music that is a little too loud so early in the morning, while waiting for the heart-shaped pancakes to be ready to be flipped. He wishes he could take a picture right now, but that would mean he would have to take his eyes off of you to grab his phone and that's something he cannot get himself to do. Not with the way the soft morning light is hitting your skin, and the way you're twirling through the room with the biggest smile on your face, a smile he gets to see up close when your playlist switches to a slow romantic song and you’re pulling him into you for a slow dance. You have got him completely hypnotized. Has he ever told you just how beautiful you are? He would tell you right now, but his head feels too full of hearts and flowers to get the words out properly so instead he chooses to gently caress your cheeks before pulling you into a breathtaking kiss that only gets interrupted when you remember the heart-shaped pancakes that need to be flipped much like what his heart is doing now.

Thank you for reading bunnies!<3

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its-not-a-phase-mom-i-d8-demons · 3 years

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pairings: Lucifer x Fem!Reader, Mammon x Fem!Reader, Leviathan x Fem!Reader

warnings: tw abandonment (but it turns out okay, I promise), mentions of the act of birthing,

A/N: you came to the right place! as the second oldest of six children, I have some experience when it comes to pregnancy:) I hope you don't mind, nonny, but I'm gonna split this up into a few parts so I can do the dateables as well!

Lucifer

The moment you had shyly produced the positive pregnancy test from the pocket of your hoodie, it felt like Lucifer had entered into a fever dream filled with nursery designs, baby names, the expenses that pile up before the baby even arrives, researching human pregnancy, keeping you out of harm's way and healthy and happy...

So when you first stagger out of bed and rush to his bathroom, hand clamped over your mouth and one shaky hand on your slightly swollen tummy, Lucifer isn't surprised

He is very concerned, however. You had been so nervous to tell him of your pregnancy, you waited until the last moment before your bump was noticeable to tell him

That meant you had been suffering from all of these pregnancy side effects before he'd permanently moved you to sleep in his room

Lucifer hoists himself out of bed and pads into the bathroom, gathering up your hair, if any, into his fist and pulling your hunched form between his legs for support

You hate this feeling with a passion; throbbing stomach and a lump in your throat with little to no vertigo and tears rolling down your face as you try and catch your breath

You tell him it hurts, you ask him if he can take the pain away as your head rests on his chest, lashes fluttering with wooziness

Lightheadedness was unbearably common; you would suddenly grip his sleeve and he could watch the color drain from your face and your knees get shaky, body beginning to sway

He always catches you though, finding a place for you to sit or lie down and gather yourself

Tummy rubs become more common; the feeling of his hands against your bare tummy, spreading their warmth and nullifying the ache, allowing you to relax

He's extremely attentive as well and can tell whenever you need something

Water? Here's a cup sweetheart, remember, you're hydrating and eating for two people!

Craving something? Chocolate? Fried pickles? Chips of some kind? sweets? He's stockpiled anything you could want and locked it away just for you.

I feel like Lucifer would want your baby to be a little girl. A little princess he can carry on his shoulders and spoil with his love and gifts.

Satan ruined him for having another baby boy, but if that's how the cards fall, he certainly wouldn't mind. Unfortunately, he'd be constantly walking on eggshells, afraid he'll make your little boy into another rebellious child

That's the last thing he wants

Lucifer does his best to keep his kid away from Satan and Belphie and out of the 'Formerly Anti-Lucifer League', but sometimes you're taking a nap or out shopping with Asmodeus, and Satan and his brothers manage to coerce the little one into their shenanigans

One thing is for sure though, even if Lucifer didn't want any kids and the creation of one was unplanned, he would never ever turn you away

He's very responsible and does anything in his power to make the pregnancy as easy and happy as possible

On the day you are to give birth, he's a mess

He has already sweat through 3 shirts by the time the IV has been secured to your hand

Everything he says doesn't come without a stutter

He's squeezing your hand and kissing your hair during labor, trying to distract you from the burn between your legs as much as he can

You probably need extra stitches from baby's horns ngl

Definitely cries before the baby is even put in your arms

Refuses to let his brothers come and see you, "They can wait until we go home."

Lucifer is Smitten™

He smooches the tiredness under your eyes and tells you to get some rest

Surprisingly, he enjoys a lot of the names from the human world you discuss and will most likely pick one of those

But if it's a girl, her name is Lilith. I'm sorry MC, your input is invalid at this time

You don't regret 'final day in the devildom sex' at all when you get to witness the Avatar of Pride reduced to tears when the nurse puts the child in his arms

P-P-Pregnant? MC, ya better be jokin'...

Mammon

You weren't, judging by the pregnancy test(s) clutched in your fist

He's not mad at you, he's not upset, (in fact, he's the happiest he's ever been), he just scared

Broken Condom Victim™

He loved you just a bit too hard last week...

but let's be real here, HIS MC, carrying HIS baby?

That's like the highest level of ownership on his lovely human you could get! Levi, Asmo, Beel, Lucifer, everyone would be SOOOO JEALOUS!!!

AND

He gets to have a little one running around again!

You saw how sweet he was to babified Satan in the obey me anime premier! He LOVES little kids and nothing would make him happier than someone to play with (besides MC of course) that wouldn't make fun of him for messing up and being silly!

AND

You're so pretty!!

I mean, ya were always pretty, but somethin' about ya is different and yer even more beautiful than before somehow!

Mammon said, his entire face the shade of a pomegranate

Pregnancy glow is REAL

Asmo agrees, after stealing you away from an extremely overprotective mammon and hiding in the attic to chat without disturbance (mammon)

But as much as YOU know he would be the BEST father, comments from his brothers continue to drag him down and the evenings he cried into your shoulder became more and more frequent as your pregnancy progresses

Mammon, as we all know, is, in fact, a tiddy man

He likes to touch and squeeze them, and just gently hold them while cuddling or even browsing in a store, he'd just come up behind you and touch your boobs

(also, mammon likes all sizes, so if you have next to no tiddy like me, you'll be at his mercy as well. those with the large honkers, however, watch yourself)

Now that there's a miracle growing in your tummy, other parts of your body are preparing for its arrival, including your chest

Swelling, swelling, soreness, growing and darkening of the nipples, and swelling make it so Mammon can no longer touch your pretty tiddies :(((

(grammarly didn't like that word)

On the day mammon snack size was to be born, mammon is silent but extremely fidgety

It was early in the morning when you'd shaken him awake like, "mammoney, I'm going into labor" and he was out of bed and out the door with your luggage before you finished blinking

After grabbing your DDD's and you, he carries you down to the car (what dysfunctional family doesn't have a car? a nice one (Mercedes, Audi, you get the idea) for lucifer and a Volkswagon bus or something for his siblings to share) and drives quickly, but very carefully drives to the hospital, holding your hand the whole way.

He covers your eyes when they put the IV in, just in case you're squeamish, and rubs your arms as the drugs begin to take effect and there's a little fear in your eyes at the thought of pushing an entire human/demon being out of your coochie

He assures you and never lets go of your hand no matter how long you're in labor

When it's all over with and you are resting in your hospital bed waiting for the doctors to finish the Apgar tests and give you your baby

Mammon is speechless as the nurse places the baby in your arms

That's HIS KID!!

Immediately starts crying

The little horns poking out of the blanket? Those look just like his!!

Judging by the bit of hair on it's head, it looks like the baby will have hair like yours

If it's a baby boy, he thinks it should be named "Mammon II" but you just giggle and remind him of the deal he made with lucifer long ago, that his first born child, no matter the gender, had to have 'Lucifer' somewhere in their name

Human names are dumb, except for yours of course, so he searches for suitable demon names

The last thing he wants is a kid named Lucifer, so that will be the kid's middle name

He really regrets his past decisions now

Leviathan

"Levi?"

"Yeah, babe?"

"I'm pregnant."

*leviathan has been KO'd*

No joke, this man is literally floored and didn't wake up for a while and you were afraid you had just slain the fucking Lord of Shadows

Some Henry you were

You had to call Lucifer in to wake him up because he was still flat on the floor a half and hour later

Mammon is more that happy to tip a bucket of ice water on the face of the son of a bitch that impregnated HIS MC

Levi wakes up and pounces on you, gripping you tightly by the arms

"You're k-kidding r-right?"

Him? A father?

Uhhhhhhh

Unfortunately, Leviathan.exe has stopped working, try again in two thousand years

I hate to say this, but he definitely detaches himself for a while until his brothers, especially Asmodeus, literally beat him into shape

He comes back to you, a little bruised and sobbing, but not from the beating he just received

He's so sorry he neglected you! He's such a horrible demon, undeserving of your welcoming nature

He's gonna be the worst dad, and he's not good enough for you, and his kid will hate him just like everyone else does, he doesn't deserve you, he's so sorry for making you suffer the side effects and feel all alone,

Sir, I-

FALSE

It's your turn to shake some sense into him, reminding him that he would be the. best. dad!!

Not to mention the fact that you were just happy he realized his mistakes and came back to you

He begs you to sleep in his bed tub with him for security, and you have to admit his tail is very comforting

Levi does extensive research on human pregnancy and now at the dinner table, instead of talking about the latest slice of life anime he'd been watching, he's just spouting random pregnancy facts and you're laughing so hard it brings you to tears

When the weird dreams and vivid nightmares happen, Levi is right behind you, rubbing your swollen tummy, and letting you talk about them

A lot of them were about him and about your future child

Most of them were about how they got hurt in some way, either that or YOU got hurt and the baby died

These, more often than not, brought you to tears and stress you out, but Levi is right there, okay? Nothing can hurt you, nor would he let anything happen to you on his watch

Learns how to massage you (safely) to reduce stress

Definitely talks to the baby a lot

Levi begged you to be induced so the birth was safe and not a sudden occasion and you agree

On the day the doctor recommended, you arrived at the hospital and got down to business

Levi didn't really want to be in the room with you, but he knew he had to for your sake and he'd played a few birth simulators from both perspectives and you really needed him

Kinda sits there awkwardly comforting you and encouraging you, holding your hand and caressing your cheeks, a bit flushed from exertion and tears

Listen

If the baby is a boy, his name will be Henry and that's final

If it's a girl, he doesn't really care, as long as you don't name her 'mammonia' or something dumb like that

definitely crashes your hospital bed to snuggle until the baby is ready

cries when the baby wraps its extremely small digits around one of his own

also at the little horns protruding from its head

and the tuft of purple in its head

Also Smitten™

He's so excited to get home and show off his beautiful baby to his brothers and then formulate a plan to raise the kid to live and breathe TSL just like his daddy <3

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ialwaysknewyouwerepunk · 3 years

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perfect now - a close reading

only pure and true love for this one. it’s soft and sweet because the one he wrote it for is and needs cheesy uncool romcom soundtrack-worthy affirmations and it’s the most wonderful thing oh my the flurries

some album booklet art for your viewing pleasure

((just a warning for below: while the lyric analysis was kept fairly neutral and close to the words and their meaning, more and more parallels did ensure me larrying out by the time the analysis kicked off so if you’re not into that, you can skip this one!))

⟼ check out @bluewinnerangel ‘s magnificent post with all the parallels to 1d/h&l bc it’s exhaustive and was a source for mine <3 thank you again for your service <3 bc this song really is a fanpiece of every song that has been important to them throughout their career so far, whether they wrote it or not, and it’s honestly kinda impressive

SUMMARY

you’re sad and i love you so much i will do anything to make that undone but while you’re sad know that i sill very much love you and you’re also strong enough to conquer all of this on your own but i’ll be by your side anyway

lyric breakdown ft. the many parallels, incl. little things, through the dark and wmyb

what this says about louis, his partner and the relationship he is in

never gonna dance again frenzy

identity

louis is a marvellous majestic sonofabitch basically <3

walls, track 10

～ little things “you still have to squeeze into your jeans, but you’re perfect to me”

You don’t feel pretty and it’s hard to miss

later lyric: “like a neon sign” - i see through you trying to hide away your insecurities

I wish that you could see my point of view As someone staring back at you

“you” is also staring at him, but perhaps is too insecure to realise how mutual the adoration is

i wish i could get you out of your own negative spiral and give you a look at yourself from my perspective

～ wmyb “everyone else in the room can see it, everyone else but you”

～ wmyb “right now i’m looking at you and i can’t believe you don’t know you’re beautiful”

～ little things “you never love yourself half as much as I love you, and you’ll never treat yourself right darling but I want you to. If I let you know, I’m here for you, maybe you’ll love yourself like I love you”

On Friday night when we’re all out I turn to you and you’re looking down And you don’t wanna dance I know you love to dance You never stop given half the chance

heavy echoes of kmm again, but the opposite: the “nightmare on the dance floor” doesn’t want to dance

when “you” is confident rlly not being subtle with who i think that is, they love to dance <-> tpwk “feeling good in my skin, i just keep on dancing”

“i know you love to dance” = i know what you love bc i love you

“given half the chance”

～ tpwk “giving/given second chances”

given a chance tattoo, making another appearance (see below for more tattoo meltdowns)

Just keep your head up, love, keep your head up

term of endearment <3

～ dlibyh

this album is full of encouragement to keep going and as much as it gives me life it ruins me

Don’t hide away, don’t ever change

“be happy, proud”

～ “just hold on”

“pick someone who’s supportive”

Keep your head up, love, keep your head up Don’t look away, don’t look away

don’t look away from me

～ through the dark “and I can see your head is held in shame”

Cause everybody’s looking at you now, my, oh my

they have the stage to themselves / new career paths they’re doing on their own

could also mean ppl they’re going out with are looking at them, which “you” interprets as sth negative, which makes them self-conscious, while they’re actually admiring them bc they steal the scene

～ wmyb “you’re turning heads when you walk through the door”

I guess some queens don’t need a crown And I know why Even when your tears are falling down Still, somehow, you’re perfect now

“you” is royalty to louis, to put it simply

they don’t need something on their head to make it known to everyone else - they’re a queen and everyone knows it

gendered: female - also used in drag contexts - the only time L has used any gendered word to identify his partner on the entire album (more on this below)

～ steal my girl "she's been my queen since we were sixteen" can't believe i forgot this one thank you @mortalenemiestolovers for reminding me!!!

～ falling

～ through the dark “you tell me that your tears are here to stay”

You never do, but if you asked me to I’ll tell the truth lying next to you

“you” never asks for affirmations directly, but by saying shit like their pants are too tight make it clear enough to L that they do need to hear once in a while that it’s not true

Cause you’re the only one when it’s said and done You make me feel like being someone

Good to you even at your worst

～ always you

i love you so much you are a force of life to me, and even when you hate me i want more

～ drag me down “If I didn’t have you there would be nothing left, the shell of a man who could never be his best. If I didn’t have you, I’d never see the sun. You taught me how to be someone” (sung by louis first, harry second)

～ through the dark “even if you scream and shout, it’ll come back to you and I’ll be here for you

You steal the scene and it’s unrehearsed

reference to working on a stage - their natural presence wins everyone over - that charisma is never manufactured

Don’t you wanna dance? Just a little dance I’ll never stop given half the chance

L keeps encouraging them, will also not pass by any chance to dance with them

Every insecurity, like a neon sign, as bright as day If you knew what you were to me You would never try to hide away

“it’s hard to miss”

L sees through them trying to hide their insecurities, pretend to be strong

～ through the dark “but I know you were only hiding”

SYNTHESIS

Perfect Now is not a fan favorite and I am so not here for that discourse, so please do not pester me with negativity about this chocolate drop of a song.

As others have pointed out, the parallels with other songs written by Louis, Harry or for One Direction are extremely present. Especially Little Things is echoed loudly, but there’s so much more to be read, as you’ve seen. These are songs that are clearly near and dear to Louis, bc he wrote them or bc performing them was special, like with Little Things and What Makes You Beautiful. A lot of the same emotions come back in Louis’s writing, so much so that you can’t help but see the larger story behind it all. Throughout Walls you can hear him singing about not giving up and holding your head high despite hardships, and if you look back at his earlier writing, it’s always been there. Through the Dark is an early and striking example of this style of Louis song: you’re sad and i love you so much i will do anything to make that undone but while you’re sad know that i sill very much love you and you’re also strong enough to conquer all of this on your own but i’ll be by your side anyway

basically through the dark’s chorus:

Oh, I will carry you over Fire and water for your love And I will hold you closer Hope your heart is strong enough When the night is coming down on you We will find a way Through the dark

It is very clear that Louis is faced with a partner - I can freely say it’s Harry now right? are the antis gone by now? i think so - that struggles with his body, with his identity, with how he wants to present himself vs how opinions on that might push him down and dampen his spirit. Louis, always the supportive boyfriend, then tries his best to make him see the light, while keeping that space for his sadness, his struggles, or their joint struggles. Accept the sadness but don’t lose your heart to it.

I’ve linked @bluewinnerangel ‘s post at the start of this post, but I need to stress how good it is once more as I also shamelessly insert a screenshot from it here bc it makes me feel a lot and summarizes perfectly just how deeply Perfect Now is woven into the history of their lives, relationship and especially “you”s/Harry’s personal struggle with their identity/body/confidence...

Because yes, i absolutely think these tattoos are being echoed in the song. “Never gonna dance again” as a lyric and then as a tattoo on Harry’s legs like shackles around his ankles represents the sensation of shame, of being stuck, bc of your desires, bc of your sexuality. Obviously we can never know why Harry got the tattoo, as in what experience pushed him to choose those lyrics or what exactly he recognizes in himself, but it’s safe to say it’s about the struggles of being queer and navigating relationships with that identity and with others.

Most importantly, the sense of shamelessly dancing, dancing like no one’s watching, dancing together with your lover, as a celebration of self, life, love, is the key here. Harry got that tattoo ages ago, at a time when he undoubtedly felt way more stuck. When he couldn’t dance freely the way he wanted to and with whom he wanted to. Perfect Now is a reminder to him, an encouragement to still dance if he wants to, no matter what people say or think. Significantly, then, Harry’s own Treat People With Kindness heavily features that same sentiment, but in an extremely positive light: i have found a place (in life and in myself) where i feel like i have given and was given second chances and now i dance bc i finally feel good in my skin.

Louis has obviously been there from the start, or at least from when or before Harry properly started experimenting with/questioning how he likes to present and how he identifies as. Before he ever dared to consider pulling on a pair of women’s skinny jeans, never mind a ball gown. Louis has seen him limit himself as well as being limited by others ofc and has always seemed to have been there, with a secure hand on Harry’s back, to encourage him. Even at a time when boys wearing nail polish or skirts was unthinkable. Just remember how much encouragement Harry needed when growing out his hair; Louis literally joined him. yes this might make me cry okay i need to stop bc i’m going off track and this is just becoming a larry breakdown while i was trying to hype up this beautiful song.

What I’m trying to say is: Louis has always seen all of Harry. He’s always had his back, no matter what. He’s loved every part of him. And now, on a completely gender neutral album, in the sweetest, softest song off of the entire thing, Louis puts in the word “queen”, and that is so very deliberate it makes me want to scream. It’s Louis confirming his love again and again while affirming the multitudes contained by Harry, including everything involving his gender journey. brb crying

It’s a raw Louis, an honest, sweet, kind, loving partner, and both of them are fucking lucky to have each other, and I also wish that all of us end up in a caring and wholesome relationship like that. I truly do.

#wow i thought this one was gonna be easier #i always do why do i think that???#every time i look closer into l's lyrics i see more depth #this is all just a perfect mushy mess so it's on brand for me #perfect now analysis #lyric analysis #my posts #parallels

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korodere · 3 years

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kamukomahina gender/body headcanons

a bit of a ramble about my body, gender, and general appearance headcanons for them bcuz someone sent me a curiouscat prompting this 3k words of hyperfixation nonsense

Komaeda:

- He has a naturally lithe body, with a thin waist, broad shoulders and hips, which give him an hourglass. and a rather andrognyous body, which is "lucky" for him, because I hc him as nonbinary and gender non-conforming

- Gender-wise, as I said, I think he's nonbinary. Usually I do view Nagito as AMAB but I indulge in transmasc Nagito from time to time depending on my preference and how much I wish to uh, well, project, lol. But either way I think he would use he/they pronouns in a western sense. In japanese, however, they don't use third person pronouns that other people refer to them with, and in canon he uses the first person pronoun "boku", which is a "soft" masculine pronoun, in comparison to the "hard" masculine pronoun, “ore” (which Hajime uses btw!) which fits quite nicely, in my opinion! Also, in Japanese, you can be 'fluid' with your first person pronouns depending on the situation, so I think he could use more neutral or feminine pronouns should he desire it, too, to play on his gender non-conformity.

- Komaeda is very secure in his gender, regardless of being AMAB or AFAB. He does not care about stigma, or discrimination, he does not care about being "accepted" by broader society. Broader society is sort of meaningless to him, the average person and their ideas about gender and presentation and effeminity mean NOTHING to him. Whether or not a random person the street genders him correctly or treats him with respect is sort of, pointless? Because to him, most ordinary people are pointless nobodies. Their thoughts do not matter to him. I think he is still prone to insecurity, however, when around his "betters" but I just struggle to think he would degrade himself in regards to gender. to him, it's the least of his problems. what he cares about is hope and talent. He could dress femininely or wear makeup or straight up crossdress and not mind it, really. He thinks people would find a problem with it are the problem, because why does it even matter? It speaks to the way Komaeda is detached from societal norms & "normal" people, he did not grow up in normal circumstances, so he doesn't interact with the world normally by any means. he can mask and act normally to the best of his ability, often unintentionally?, but he simply does not fit into broader society and doesn't seek to.

- Komaeda loses weight really easily, and doesn't gain weight that well. This is mainly due to his many illnesses but also the medications he's been put on. He has a low appetite and burns weight rather easily, even though I headcanon that he eats like garbage (mainly junk food & takeout, since he obviously cannot cook). This makes him overall, health wise, not very healthy, and stick thin because of it. A stiff breeze could knock him over, tbh.

- He has a lot of faded scars, self-inflicted or not.

- Pre-despair (in HPA) he is fairly healthy but still lithe, and progressively his body deteriorates through his 2 years of hopes peak before the Tragedy begins.

- During the Tragedy itself, his body is at it's worst. he is almost nothing but bone at times, barely kept together by a need to live so he can see hope triumph. His weight fluctuates but he's very unhealthy. He's not anorexic or on death's door, but he's not well off, either.

- After being put into the neo world program, right after waking up, he's very, very thin and gaunt. he was in a pod on feeding tubs for an indiscernible but at least probably a month's worth of time? So he's just very weak, like he could collapse if he moves too quickly.

- But a while after waking, he goes into remission, and starts to gain more healthy habits due to being rehabilitated and cared for by Hinata, and gains some weight, finally at a healthy, normal weight. I still think he would struggle with putting on too much weight, but I am slightly fond of the idea that he gets a bit of healthy pudge after a while. To him, it's so foreign being healthy, that he honestly think something's wrong with him at first.

Hinata:

- Hinata has a very... average body, true to form. His hips and waist aren't too pronounced but he has a loosely "hourglass" shape, too, just not as exaggerated as Komaeda's in comparison.

- Gender-wise, I am EXTREMELY fond of transmasc Hinata. While I think I portray AMAB Hinata more than transmasc Hinata (in art and writing), I still firmly prefer transmasc Hinata. The reason I think portray otherwise more is just out of comfortability, but I've been getting better at comfortably portraying FTM Hinata. I have some reasons I prefer it and think you can extrapolate it from canon, but let's get into that

- Hinata, in my eyes, has an arc and story that fits perfectly into him just. Being trans. His desire to be someone else, someone better, someone he can proud of, and the way he overcompensates for himself and has an extreme inferiority complex would easily lend to him having similar feelings about his gender. To me, Hinata is a trans man who overperforms his masculinity out of insecurity and a need to pass. I see him as someone who would strictly use "he/him" in a western sense, which is lended to by his use of the "ore" pronoun in canon, which is almost hypermasculine.

- Even if he were AMAB, I think it still works, I think he's still someone who's insecure and tries to assert himself more strongly and therefore performs masculinity in a way to appear more confident than he is.

(side note: I actually read a bit about queerness in Japan and how it relates to gender performance and the use of pronouns, and read a bit about how queer women in japan tend to use "boku" and "ore" to perform masculinity, which I find neat. “Ore” was also sometimes used exclusively to show anger and dominance, which is why it's categorized as a "rough" pronoun. I think Japanese language, gender, and expression, and how those all relate to one another, are extremely interesting and if you get the time you should read about it lol)

- Body-wise, pre-despair, I think Hinata would. not have top surgery, obviously. I think he has a fairly average but leaning a little on the hefty side chest (pre-op) and binds it, hence the '91 cm' (but also he still has 91 cm post-op because bazongas). I also just think he leans on the "twunk" side of things at this point, not buff but not stick thin or without muscle, just kind of average with average strength and all, though I think Hinata would've tried to do sports and stuff to find his talent so he's in shape :)

- My personal, kind of amusing, but also kind of... thematical? Headcanon, is that during the Kamukura project, he also underwent gender transition. to be honest, while it may not make sense in modern Japan, I think we can suspend our disbelief for fiction, and also make the argument that Hinata's "transition" into Kamukura CAN be read, in some part, as relatable or at least familiar to the trans experience. Iit is not out of the realm of possibility, either, to assume that because many bits of society in Danganronpa are advanced (specifically science, is extremely ahead of our understanding, almost sci-fi like at times) certain attitudes about gender and sexuality can be smoothed over more in a Japanese context.

(side note: I also think that science-wise, we can suspend our disbelief, and assume that top surgery and bottom surgery are much more advanced in this universe, given the almost unbelievable levels of science in Danganronpa, such as memory wipe, mind control, completely realistic virtual simulation, um literally everything about Kamukura which is body modification and brain modification to an extreme, etc. I think it's kind of fitting within these to assume that... Hinata/Kamukura could just, gain a functioning penis, lol)

Kamukura:

- Kamukura would have a. "Perfect" body. it's stated, I'm pretty sure, that they modified not only his brain but his body, because he needs to be able to perform every talent under their belt with ease, and his strength, instincts, technique, are all superhuman. So it's clear to me he'd have a buff body. toned muscles and all. He wouldn't really feel a need to keep it up, though, but I think since they're very... artificial (basically fucking steroids?) they wouldn't fade from a lack of keep-up.

- Kamukura also rarely ever is injured, but when he does, his body heals rather fast and can care for himself adequately, because again, his body is modified to a point of almost inhumanity.

- Gender wise, Kamukura genuinely does not care. however, I am not one to think that Kamukura is "a different person" from Hinata, rather, he is separate from Hinata, but an extension of Hinata as well, proven that he experiences some of his emotions even if subconsciously and without understanding them. he isn't a different personality or person developed in Hinata's body, but a very traumatizing, repressed, and manipulated version of Hinata given a new name, with memories repressed. He's like Theseus's ship in human form---if you get rid of everything that makes someone themselves and replace it, bit by bit, is it the same person? Technically, yes, but... truly? Who knows.

Because of this, I think Kamukura would have a leaning toward masculine gender performance (in canon, in fact, he uses the soft masculine pronoun "boku" in stead of "ore" like Hinata) BUT I think he is still very nonbinary. In a western sense, i think he would use he/they pronouns, but not really care if someone mistook him for a woman, I suppose.

- His appearance, unironically, is very nonbinary or "he/they" to me because he's wearing a suit, the archetypal form of masculinity, but has extremely long hair, which is considered feminine, and speaks softly (dully). Of course, the bishounen "pretty boy" appearance isn't uncommon or considered less masculine in japan, I think, but there is still a different between soft masculinity and rough masculinity in japan, which lends itself to being interpreted sort of gender non-conforming by western audiences :)

- Kamukura, due to his apathy, struggles with self-maintaining, but as we all probably know i am extremely attached to KamuKoma and thus headcanon that Servant helps him, sort of like a royal servant would royalty in the old days, take care of himself by bathing him, brushing his hair out, grooming him, etc. partially out of duty, partially out of appreciation for Kamukura's body, and partially out of maintaining his sort of "perfect" look since Kamukura, especially post-Junko death, is perceived widely by the public as the new leader of the ultimate despair, even if he is ambivalent to such a title.

Post-DR3 Hinata/Kamukura combined:

As I rambled on about previously, I don't think that Kamukura and Hinata are separate people or personality, I really dislike the interpretation that they are like a "split personality" or operate like DID, because they do not "form" like DID, but also in canon, are not portrayed as separate people.

In post-dr3, Hinata instead says that he is both of them, because he is. Kamukura is Hinata, always was, but had been given a new, false identity, had been stripped of his previous self, his memories, his personality, and crafted into something new. but that did not "split" his brain into two people. It simply repressed who he once was, and made him someone he now was. But when Kamukura regains his memories, his past self, through the means of the new world program by restoring his own memories after SDR2 concludes and he wakes up, as well as doing the same for everyone else, he decides to be "Hajime Hinata" who he always was, but carrying and shouldering the weight of what "Izuru Kamukura" had been, become, and done. Hinata *is* Kamukura, he answers for Kamukura's wrongdoings, his crimes, as something he had done as a different person who's mind operated differently, due to being artificially suppressed, modified, into an apathetic tool for the scientists who made him, and later and aimless, bored individual who simply sought meaning he did not have in the unknown of what despair would be at it's climax. And if hope could overcome it.

As such, I think, when Hinata's self is brought back into the mix, and he now deals with Kamukura's apathy and boredom in part, but much less consuming and much less often, I think hinata is less staunchly "masculine", does not overperform it anymore, and is trying to understand what his past means to him, what his present is, and what his future will be. I think that Hinata would still primarily use he/him (or still use "ore" in Japanese, as it's also a means of his personality, which is a bit rough around the edges and blunt), but be more ambivalent to rigid gender expression, still finding comfort and idealness in masculinity, but not be made dysphoric or feel frightened, uncomfortable, with non-comformity or anything like that. being boyish, masculine, is what he enjoys, but he's comfortable in it now, doesn't need to prove himself or overperform it. He can explore nonconformity without feeling like his gender or masculinity is at threat, even if it's not his preference outright.

Body-wise, I think it's safe to say he retains Kamukura's muscle and all, but Kamukura didn't put much effort into the everyday machinations of being a human being in general, and Hinata is much more fond of food than him now, eats more often, and I enjoy the idea that he gains a little pudge and has a kind of "dad bod" almost, post-DR3? lol.

Both for Hinata and Kamukura I don't see their bodies as “bara” or overly buff, masculine, but a kind of comfortable middle ground between twunk and hunk, lmao. I think they're also averagely hairy, not overly so, very lightly. kind of well groomed, and all. Hinata, pre-despair, put not so much effort into his appearance but still some, especially in trying to pass. (In fact I think his hair cut looks like a home job, all choppy and stuff, which fits him in my opinion, something done by his own hands even if messy and imperfect, he still prefers to be in control of it. also fits the trans headcanon tehe).

Izuru put very little if any effort into himself, only the bare minimum necessary to function, but servant helped him upkeep it to a perfect standard. Hinata, post-dr3 now, finds himself putting you know, an average amount of care into himself and his body, enough to be healthy, but not overly critical and conscious of himself.

Komaeda i have always seen as someone who takes a good deal of care about himself, merely if to alleviate the "disgust" of his appearance and body, by practically preening himself. He is someone who is good at cleaning and seems to appreciate clean and well kept spaces, so I think he would have a similar attitude toward himself. even if he is insecure, and of course, struggles with mental health and may slip at times in his routine in keeping himself well-kept, I think he still maintains an appearance for the most part, at least in his later years (teen to young adult). An argument can be made that he cared less in his adolescence because he had much more apathy about the world, but when he gave himself a purpose with hope and talent, I think he would care for himself a little better, even if his was spiralling mentally.

His hair is always washed, it is just very curly and prone to mess, so it often looks like perpetual bedhead, even when he combs and brushes it. His skin is soft even if a little worn by his tendency for accidents & injury, it's still soft and almost luckily so, and he takes pride in moisturizing and cleaning himself. His skin is a little sickly, still, and I think that despite having blemishes, scars, etc. Komaeda manages to look pretty in a strange way, not conventionally beautiful, but almost ethereal? He's just *pretty*, there's no way to explain it, he is nice to look at even with all his "flaws" and imperfections. Even when he's sickly and bony, even when his cheeks are gaunt or his hands shaky and weak, when his hair is a tangled mess or his clothes are dirty, he's nice to look at in a way that's nonconventional, and it's sort of mesmerizing.

Hinata I think is very average but also in a way that's nice to look at it. He's not ground-breaking hot or conventionally attractive, he has a good body, a nice face, and hair you could play with a little if you wanted. I think what's appealing about him is his normalcy, he's not trying too hard or "gifted" gene wise, but he's just kinda nice to look at, he's enjoyable to be around, an understanding person, or at least tries to be even when he fails, and despite having flaws, insecurities, blunt, he is someone you're drawn to because he's one of those people that's just, easy to talk to? An emotional anchor, almost. The kind of guy everyone kind of knows and has talked to at least once, even if you're not friends with him personally, not because he's cool or popular or anything, but because he's a normal dude who's easy to trust and talk to.

Kamukura, on the other hand, is intimidating, appearance wise and personality wise. he looks, strange, anything but normal, his eyes are red and his hair is this dark cloud that envelops him. His face may still be that plain one Hinata has but faces can be changed by the surrounding attributes as well as expression and such is true for him, with his apathetic and cold expression as well as otherwordly characteristics, he comes off as much more beautiful in a dark way, kind of? In a way that's intimidating or a little daunting, but he's still very beautiful. mesmerizing.

okay, thats my ramble. ty.

#nagito komaeda #hajime hinata #izuru kamukura #komahina #kamukoma #headcanons #my headcanons #kota.txt

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madfantasy · 3 years

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I haven't seen you post in a while, I hope you've been doing okay? How is everything? Hope it's been a good year so far for you 💕💕

You're too kind, u & everyone who made inquiries, bless ur hearts.. im sorry for disappearing, but yeah, I don't have net— using my phone credit and hope this posts..

I tried to record my voice answering this, like I sometimes did on tik, suddenly ended up trying to muffle the floods of my burning tears, so now I have an awkward vid of me talking then weeping out of nowhere, which a good reason for me to keep up the no cry habit, heh.. but seriously, I suppose I'm fine till I be conscious of it.. its much easier for not to talk .. even tho I'm aching to be back in thy company, lonely in my foresight to catch on to the present that joins us, hand held out to reach like minded souls but shying from the fear of forgetfulness occurring..

I'm fine tho, did few new stuff, merely drowning in too muchness and nothingness as usual, this month I guess you could say I took an act of mad fury in search of any happy source because the echoing silence and the swarm of sadness nipping on my brain cells thickened, and the reasoning merged with the obscene. So instead of giving my guardians the usual of 3/4 of my earnings last month for net and groceries, I spent it all. Ya know, as it was told to me it mine to do as I please? As being prevented any chance of work if it was possible, 't was supposed to be spent on art supplies & measly delights craved for years ?

Before hand, I've been begging them to take me for months to get any clothing or whatever, be it the first time I ever see a shop, then just to drive around, then just me peaking to the outside when the front door is open, merely seeking change I suppose. They kept vaguely promising me until they refused point blank— getting tired of my nagging, then their car just stopped working till this day. Its in the workshop rn..

Anyway, befouled by despair, needing the mere basics of life and not granted, I was delighted when i found a site to buy from cheap & pretty, I pressed buy without any further considerations, or taking their permission and thrilled to be able get gifts for my siblings too. I say gifts but really they are deprived necessities too and not even much just one each cuz well, they are 5 of my babies and to start with the top of priorities; we all draw

I could already see it, they can't help themselves; heck seeped through the clenched gates of their mouths, trying desperately to poison me with undirect attempts this time, cuz I bought for my sibs they're out of the option of calling me selfish. I was upping the same trance like state of vague existence dealing with them, absorbing their insults and degrading just to make sure my shi arrives safe.

Unfortunate for me, the site chose the worst carrier in this country

I did everything in my power to make it into their convenience, by embarrassingly messaging the carrier daily, they took a week of promising to deliver and flanking so my guardians reached a heated level of threatening, waving their hands nd almost tossing shi at mE saying that they don't care if they came and if i dared to order something again they'll do this and that. Not allowing me to open the door for the delivery guy when he comes, blaming me for missing vaccination dates (they kept missing them even before)& missing going to important places(again, they just didn't go to for ages), made them loose sleep, etc etc— in turn, I seen red and regretfully blew up.

I screamed at them its literally the only time I ever did this, it BECAUSE it easier on them & I'll do what I want whatever anyway, & to stop interrupting me while I try to explain things , then they suddnly back done and be like I'm not mad at u I'm mad at the delivery ppl, that they are proud of me for being able to do all this, and such sort. I left them to cool in my room, Idk how I did it but must have slam-gripped something so hard it chipped most of my short nails & cracked one, was glad I didn't hurt my drawing hand but yeah, goofy mani

They robbed me of the joy of anticipation & the dissipation of apathy, I started to lose sleep again and my liberating dreams left me and I don't think I remember leaving bed.

But still, If not force myself to do things.. there'll be nothing for me if I don't.. at least I know im able of that

I got my guardians happy tho after another tiresome refusal, by trying out one of those Uber-eat like local apps here, since they have no car and being disabled & ill, I ordered McDonald's for the first time. Slythry behind their backs per habit, told them someone coming and they had that look again, but thankfully the guy came through and didn't steal my money, heh. For a big 1800 calories meal I suppose it was passable, the happy fam faces I got was the real treat..

Oh with that thing with the credit card stating I owe them money, waited weeks & nobody got back to us? They started taking from my guardian's account directly to pay it, saying oh we did send you warnings--- TO THE SHADOWY LINES OF THEIR POSTERIOR A.K.A NOWHERE. Thankfully the account is mostly empty nd just for random transactions, i alerted my guardians not to use it. And again, my god, another round of endless calls and promises started, and we wait again so they just don't act as if we owe them a frking 17k dollars that we don't have.. was panicking cuz I have nothing and but my guardians were weirdly comforting about it and told me not to worry

One thing good bout no net is it made me stop thinking about life in general, and stop the tiny unnoticeable prick of misery when I have no input to share, trying not to helplessly compare people just living, in inflated style or not, in media, to my isolated-most-of-my-life style and missing much of that organic "life experiences and chances", heh. At least, my situation would be favorable to me if it was ever possible for it to let me have peace, or have the simple knowledge I'm not virtually imprisoned and have never familiarised with nothing of this world but the surrounding walls.. its nice to have more time to be consumed by muse and day dreaming that flutters life through my dull being and sing chorus of inspiring means for art to flow and finds its way delicately onto my realised canvas.. but no, I continued drawing whilst sight blurred with salty droplets contradicting that happy tintin dance on tiktok I worked so long on just cuz I couldn't stop, not the tears or the mad scribbles of determined intention to visualise the mourned excitement I need, hating everything I make

Somehow the lilac dream still intrudes, visualising me friends, living, in a quaint home, maybe we roommate, arm in arm we go to make every fracture of fate's encounters a disgusting adventurous thrill, like building a maze of cardboard or chasing each other in the dark.. maybe getting that half bleached head and endless ear pericings ... then it dies and I totally forget it..

But what those awesome headphones helped me do, literally blocks all their voices listening to Sev losing it and I can Waltz around not feeling gutted to go and interfere or play the referee each time. But I can't wear them forever, gives me a bad headache, and honestly; I can't be too neglectful.. my sibs hates me for it already hehe

At least these clothing came true to their measurements, felt the new sensations on how everything I wore hugs me & learnt the baffling ways on how "gender" and region plays different tunes on the same measurements. Getting fitting things felt like suddenly there's hope to be, for myself to be me, and ease this severe disassociation between who I am, and what my body is .. from how little I see myself nd consider it worthy of anything because of how long it been living like a phantom among people.. to numb this dysphoria until it be gone one day

Saddened that the only site I can't order from again if they keep using that awful carrier

...

I missed our country's 91 national day, too. They made sales everything 91 riyal so.. but knowing the sellers here, I don't think most of em went true with their offers.. Horrible news tho on the celebrations, sigh

I turned this into a dear diary, guess bothered you enough today, sorry

So thankful to yous, Idk if I can be back, but I'll remain creating, and will keep the thought alive of being tickled when sharing my creations with your viewing pleasure somehow

'till then my precious dears, take care 💛🙏

26.9.2021, 8 pm, sleeping

#ask #text #diary #personal #my art #miss

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nothorses · 2 years

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i don't remember if i've sent a similar ask before but i just wanna talk about how i feel that my political stances (while ideologically consistent and aligned with my personal values) are out of place where i live.

i live in a country where violence of all kinds against women is insanely common, which results in two things i'm conflicted about: the very eager internalization of radfem rhetoric in the few social circles where feminism is even accepted, and pretty extreme social media callout culture (similar to the metoo kind) which spirals into cancel culture.

i know for a fact that saying shit like "kill all men" and "all men are evil" is unproductive at best and harmful at worst. but this is just one example of the sort of rhetoric that is very very common in the most progressive of feminist circles here - it's literally the tip of the iceberg. i feel like i can't speak out against it (as a trans man myself) because i would be offending every woman who's had a horrible experience with a man. it would undoubtedly be seen as "incel behaviour" or misogyny (i actually got called an incel the one time i did it lmao). and anyway that just makes me wonder how we can ever manage to embrace a better form of feminism without first seeing progress already, so that refuting the aforementioned statements (and the feminism they represent) isn't seen as a personal or misogynistic attack. and if things do get better on their own, who's to say that people won't just take it as a sign of radical feminism working? idk it's really confusing

in a similar vein, i despise cancel/callout culture, but i don't know how to reconcile that with my support for victims who speak out. every time someone does that, it triggers a movement of others following suit, but this eventually spirals into attempts to cancel people for very minor incidents that can easily be learned from and moved past. i don't see any point in encouraging people to speak out as long as they're doing it for "good reason" because obviously that's kinda hypocritical, so that leaves me with two options: either nobody speaks out about anything or everybody does about everything. both of these lead to harmful outcomes, whether it's a toxic culture of silence and suppression (which is already a problem here) or a toxic culture of demonization and not allowing growth at all.

i know this doesn't sound great lmao, but i formed most of my feminist opinions based on the things i saw on tumblr and other online spaces (plus some readings by historical feminists) that i felt were logical and effective. the problem with that is that all these spaces are predominantly white - which i am not - so the things i read are mostly by white people. and it leads me to wonder whether, even by critically thinking about the content i consume and forming independent opinions, i'm trying to apply a mostly white solution to a non-white situation. that implies that the brand of feminism i practice and advocate for is only useful in white spaces. it acknowledges the intersectionality of race, class, and gender but it doesn't feel like something that is readily acceptable to my own community - and i don't really blame my community for that either. so i wonder: is it my feminism that's the problem or the situation we're all in?

anyway. idk this is just some stuff i've been thinking about, especially since all the current tumblr drama started again. thank you for reading. stay safe <3

Hey you sent this to me ages ago- I'm sorry it's taken so long to get around to answering!

I can't address everything here, but I can offer some thoughts to maybe chew on:

It seems like you're muddled up in a lot of very black-and-white questions: "either nobody speaks out about anything, or everybody does about everything" is a pretty all-or-nothing way of looking at callout culture.

I've been talking to a large audience for a while now, and I've noticed a few things:

Pretty much everything I say and do will be interpreted and responded to in ways I could never have predicted, especially if it reaches enough people.

However far my reach seems, and however serious my impact, it is always, always going to be a drop in the bucket in the grand scheme of things.

The circles I run in & the shift of culture within them are lightyears away from even the circles some of my friends run in. Whatever the culture here, the culture in a neighboring circle could be vastly different.

I very often don't have the knowledge, influence, or power to try to speak to every person, every culture, every issue, or every circle- or to predict what my words and actions might do. That's not a bad thing. It also neither absolves me of responsibility for my actions, nor means I'm insignificant.

I say that because I think it's important to have some perspective, and because at least personally, it's taught me that it's pretty pointless trying to act based on what kind of impact I think I'll have.

My advice is to evaluate this stuff based on what you actually believe. Incorporate some nuance. Choose what you say and what you do based on what seems right for that situation, and allow that decision & the ideas behind it to evolve over time. Be guided by your values, not other people's potential reactions.

So to take your callout culture question, for example: ask yourself, what makes a callout bad? When might they be useful? Why do people make callouts? Who is hurt when a callout is made? Is it worth it? Is there an alternative? What is that alternative? What does the ideal situation look like? What is reasonable to advocate for?

Those kinds of questions are what critical thinking is, and you'll probably start to uncover a lot of nuance once you start asking and answering them. Embrace it. It means you're giving the issue the care, complexity, and space it deserves.

#I know that's really ambiguous in a lot of ways and I'm sorry lmao #it's hard to dig into the core of this without writing like. an entire book about it yknow?#but this is the starting point I'd give you. and hopefully there's something helpful in there.#advice

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emerald-amidst-gold · 3 years

Text

OC Interview: Fane Lavellan

Thank you for the tag @dungeons-and-dragon-age! I’ve been eyeing up this meme for a while actually, so this was perfect timing! X3

This takes place Post-Trespasser, about a month or two after, in fact. Solas brought the idea forward, and of course, Fane refused. But after some coaxing, some explanation as to why, and the promise of a whole cake, Fane agreed to humor the request.

*THERE BE BIG THINGS REGARDING FANE HERE*

I got carried awaaaaaay! XD

Introduction

Can you introduce yourself?

“I can, but it’s a lengthy list,” He sighs, “...Those who are close to me, who see as but an elf, call me Fane. Those who wish to meet cobble, call me Lavellan or Herald. Those who are blinded by reverence call me ‘He Who Flew Above’. Denizens of the Fade refer to me as, ‘Devotion’ or ‘Tenacity’. However, my true name is..” He sighs again, “...Aterian. I rarely go by it, but the truth won’t be ignored. It never can be.”

What is your gender identity, orientation and relationship status?

“Male. Elvhen. Dragon.” He huffs through his nose, shifting his gaze off to the side, “That’s all I’ll say on that. As for orientation, I’m...emotionally driven. If you asked me to look at another and tell you what’s attractive about them I would say, ‘Nothing.’ I don’t know them, so I feel nothing for them.“ He shrugs, turning his gaze back, but brandishes a glare, “There’s only one person who defies that response, and that’s because he knows me, without and within. More than that, is none of your business.”

Where and when were you born?

He lifts a hand, massaging a temple, “The ‘where’ is simple; Elvhenan. Specifics are lost to me, however, so you’ll have to be content with that response.” He shifts his gaze downwards, slowly crossing his arms, “As to when?” He sighs heavily, “...I have no answer for that other than: I’m roughly the same age, if not older, as Solas. Does it matter, honestly? Numbers fall through the cracks after a specific threshold is crossed.” What is your weapon of choice and fighting style?

He unravels a crossed arm and guides his hand downwards, tapping the pommel of a sword he has fastened to his waist, “Sword. I use either long swords, short swords, or great swords.” He raises an eyebrow as a question is forwarded, “Shields?” He sneers a bit. “I don’t use shields. They get in the way, and anyways,” He raises his hand once more, the expanse steadily beginning to glow blue and silver before a spectral coating of scales cover the entirety, “this is better than any shield. I prefer the front lines, the place I can make sure no one breaches, and the lingering memory of what I once was makes sure I can do just that.” He dispels the scales and shakes out his hand before returning it to his crossed counterpart, “It takes energy to maintain, but I’m getting better at holding it for longer.” Lastly, are you happy?

He blinks before his entire expression softens, two toned eyes shining with primary gold as they shift downwards, “...If you had asked that of me over twelve years ago I would have spat in your face and said, ‘Happiness doesn’t exist in this world’. But now..” He trails off, casting a sidelong glance towards one of the fortress’s entryways; a familiar voice sounding, firm, but soft, as if reprimanding a child, “...I understand what happiness is, and it’s in every corner if you allow yourself to see it.” His eyes shift back, holding a far away look and voice coming forward in a murmur, “I only wish we all could be happy; together.”

Family and Friends

What’s your family like? What is your relationship with them?

His face holds a conflicted look, as if the memory is painful before speaking, “Complicated,” he says before beginning to tap a finger against his bicep, “I had a mother. She died when I was fifteen from a wasting disease, but she was the picture of serenity. Calm, guiding, measured. Hair like moonlight. Eyes like a clear autumn day. She was--” Unbranded features twist with a look of grief, eyes going dark as his voice drops, “...I’d rather not speak of her. It still hurts to. It hurts to speak of any of them,” His eyes narrow, grief stricken expression turning somewhat bitter, “...Especially those who throw all you did for them back into your face because they refused to listen when you needed them to most. Even so, I still wish for her happiness. Cullen better be treating her right,” That bitter turns outright malicious, dark eyes going darker as another question is meekly asked, “Father? I have no father. I only had a monster that haunted my childhood, tore my token of devotion apart, and then stalked me in my dreams. So, no. I have nothing to say about that concept.”

Have you ever ran away from home?

He chuckles, “Many, many times,” He throws most of his weight into one side, tilting his head back as if thinking, counting, “I can’t even remember the amount of times I fled into the forests, to be honest. All I know is that it happened weekly, maybe even daily,” He brings his head back, snowy hair moving with the action to brush the tops of his cheekbones, “Why do you look so surprised?” he asks, snorting a bit at the meek response of, ‘Why so often?’, “Because I refused to endure being treated like a beast every hour of the day merely because I believed differently, or rather, not at all.” He sighs within the next moment, “...I wasn’t any better than the Dalish, though. I lashed out, I spat in their face, dragged their heritage through the dirt, inflicted harm from the smallest of things...” He squeezes his arms, eyes narrowing into a glare, but seeming to see through everything, “...The past repeats. An infernal spiral that will never slow.” Would you consider marriage or having children?

“Marriage? Children?” He blinks, pale visage suddenly going flush before he snarls, “Why do I need to answer those questions?!” The blush deepens and he responds despite his displeased expression, muttering and biting the inside of his cheek, “...Damned keen eyed elves. They know, don’t they? I swear if Abelas fucking ran that mouth of his, I’ll--” He sighs heavily, letting his head fall limp a bit in defeat, “...Yes. To both. The latter is already taken care of, as everyone situated in the Crossroads knows, but...” Pointed ears are now a deep shade of red, “...marriage is...on hold. War time isn’t an ideal summer wedding.” His voice drops, eyes shimmering as if he was before the person his heart yearned for, “...The sky deserves a venue better than a garden of death and deceit.” Do you secretly hate one of your friends?

“There were those in the Inquisition who I didn’t exactly see eye to eye with,” he started before shaking his head, “but I didn’t hate anyone. Everyone is entitled to their own views and what they find important.” He scowls a bit, tapping his bicep once again with a finger, “...Even if they didn’t extend the same kindness to me in the beginning. ‘Do you believe in the Maker?’ ‘Do you believe you’re chosen?’ ‘You need to use the people’s faith. It gives them hope.’” He mocks before snorting harshly, “No. No, I don’t. Oh, that suddenly makes me trash? Ohhh. How terrible.” He scoffs. “Disgusting.” Which friend knows everything about you?

“Solas,” He says within a heart beat before clearing his throat, shifting his gaze away sheepishly, “He knows me without and within.” Emerald and gold blaze as the orbs go wide, the blush of roses coming back in full force, “Wait, wait, wait! I didn’t mean--! Fuck! You better wipe that shit eating grin off your face, elf, or I swear I’ll do it for you!” He growls in frustation, throwing his hands in the air, “Why did I agree to this? What fucking dragon entertains an interview!? This is worst than the courts in Arlathan used to be! And that’s saying something!”

Asked by Fans

Are you literate? Have you been to school?

”I am literate. Sometimes to a fault, in fact,” He smiles a bit, “Poetry is my niche; a lingering memory of my mother. So, I speak cryptically at times,” He snorts, amused, “Although, I guess that isn’t much of a surprise since the Elvhen language is riddled in verse rather than practical application. Still, even some of the ancients left have a hard time deciphering my words,” He shrugs, smile turning into a smirk, “They never expected a dragon to be able to talk, I guess. Well, ta-dah.” The eeriest prediction you made that later came true?

A somber expression flits across his visage and eyes, “...That, eventually, I would hurt the one person I never wanted to.” The corner of his mouth twitches, holding both bitterness and grief; a painful duo, “...And retribution came just as swiftly, but it--” He sighs, shaking his head in defeat before muttering under his breath, “Observe and accept. Observe that what came to pass was uncontrollable, and accept that it had to happen for your path to continue, for your soul to be complete.” What is something you were embarrassingly late to realize?

His face blanks, mouth going into a hard line before a sigh exits through his nose slowly, “...That I don’t have tail.” He snarls, blank expression twisting in warning, “Laugh, elf. Do it.” He nods in the next second when no sounds of amusement come forth, expression going stoic once more, “That’s what I thought. You try living centuries in one form and then transitioning. See what happens.” Do you have mental health or physical issues?

He nods, sighing tiredly. “Like my names, I have a lot.” A hand motions to his body lazily, “My entire body is littered in scars, inflicted through crude experiments by an abomination that sought power like so many others,” He expression sours, jaw working back a forth, “They’ve calmed over the years, but the memories are not so kind.” He sighs, trying to calm himself and lifts his left hand; the Anchor glowing faintly and his eyes watch it, “I have an illness, or rather, sensitivity to any Fade born essence. That, too, has calmed and I’m grateful for that. As for my mind..” He trails off, grimacing a bit as if suddenly in pain, “...Visualize the Void, and there’s your answer. Black walls with crimson torches, seats empty, but somehow wanting for memories to take their seats. However, those occupants never come, burnt to ash by fury’s flame. That’s my mind in a nutshell.” What is your current main goal?

He raises his eyebrows, pursing his lips, “Mm, as of right now, I’m busy helping Solas unlock the eluvians that he couldn’t while I was away,” He flexes his marked hand, watching it with a look of determination in his eyes, “That’ll take time, but after, my people, my kin will have their skies back. I won’t let this power be squandered, and I won’t let the key that I’ve been entrusted with fall into the wrong hands.” His face hardens further, “For if that key rusts, the locks break and the sky will blacken as surely as the earth will redden.”

Choices

Drink or food?

“Drinks.” He says with ease, shrugging, “Food is comforting, especially sweets, but a glass of rum or ale, or a cup of chamomile tea really pounds the word ‘relaxation’ into my head.” Cats or dogs?

He smiles, warmth caressing its edges, “You’ve seen Nislean wandering about the halls, laying on the window sills and curling up in front of the fire,” He hums suddenly, crossing his arms again, “Which reminds me, I need to go out of the Crossroads for milk. I’ll be getting more than five bottles this time.” Optimist or pessimist?

“Depends on who you ask,” He shrugs, seeming unbothered, “I’m neither from a personal standpoint. I try to see the bright spots, but shadows can be very persistent.” Sassy or sarcastic?

He snorts, “Ask Fen’harel,” his voice is light upon the title, playfully mocking in its deepness, “He knows all about that side. Although, he would label it, ‘insufferable’. I would call myself dryly sarcastic, though.”

Have You Ever

Been caught sneaking out?

He purses his lips, “Hmm. Not that I can recall,” he says slowly before his brows jumped and his eyes lit up with memory, “Oh! Wait. There was that one time where I was with Solas and Mythal in a...courtyard, I think?” He shrugs before shrugging, “Doesn’t matter. But, I tried to slip away, tail and all, and I...may have shattered one or two or three eluvians trying to get to the balcony.” He somewhat wistfully, smirking, “Elgar’nan got fucking stuck in a far off settlement for a week, though. Completely worth getting my horn chewed off by a wolf.” Broken a bone?

“Surprisingly, no.” He huffs in amusement, “Wonder of wonders, truthfully.” Received flowers?

“I have,” He scowls, rolling his eyes and shaking his head in disgust, “but I always throw them into the fire. Most are from suitors, those who don’t know what the fuck ‘taken’ means.” Ghosted someone?

His face tightens, completely deadpan, “...No?”, he says, voice raising in question a bit, “At least I don’t believe so. But, then again...oh.” He blanks further, “...Oh. I understand the term now. You mortals are forever twisting the languages, aren’t you? I can’t keep up, but the answer is still no.” Pretended to laugh at a joke you didn’t get?

“Maybe once or twice, but I don’t ‘laugh’ per say.” He huffs through his nose deliberately, “I do that; a puff of air. Some habits are never truly able to be broken. No matter the form.”

Tagging: @oxygenforthewicked @blueheaded @little-lightning-lavellan @noire-pandora @the-dreadful-canine and anyone else that’d like to play! (no pressure, of course!)

#oc: fane lavellan #welcome to the future! :3 #where fane is more complete and content but suffering in different ways #no one said the path would be easy *shakes head sadly*#again. fane is...a ball of many things and his titles and names show that XD #*thinks about writing post-trepasser shenanigans* :3 #fane used to fuck off elgar'nan as a dragon so HARD #maybe why the god vengeance decided to personally attack him #HMMMM.#dragon age #male lavellan

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ghalibsmuse · 3 years

Text

Trigger Warning : R*pe

Why do white male writers think that “rape” is an important part of female character development? While it literally does absolutely nothing and just there for shock value.

Not just white male writers but in some cases female writers aswell. I want to unpack some of my favourite female characters and how getting sexually assaulted did absolutely nothing for their character development.

Daenerys Targaryen (GoT)

Dany was sold off to Khal Drogo by her brother Viserys, please keep in mind that I am focusing on Dany from the show and not the book cause I have never read George RR Martins work.

Dany after getting married was continuously raped by her husband until she finally took charge and decided that she would assume control in bed. What twisted male fantasy is this? That a woman was continually raped and one day she not only accepted it but decided that she would please her rapist?

This plot line did absolutely nothing for Danys character line, if the sexual assault storyline did not exist Dany would still have gone and earned the titles she had and she still would’ve become Khal of Khals. This plot line did nothing but feed the male audience who further sexualised Dany or as they call her “Kaleesi” for no reason at all. (I’ve only seen men call Daenerys “Kaleesi”)

Caroline Forbes (TVD)

Imagine being written by a female writer and still be subjected to sexual assault and then have your abuser get the mOst ePic reDemPtiOn aRcs of all time.

Alot of people in the fandom refuse to talk about this plot line because Damon Salvatore is the stud of TVDU. But in season 1 Damon compelled Caroline and used her as his food source and continuously subjected her to sexual violence. Damon did not face any consequences to his actions at all, he was awarded with an epic storyline, a redemption arc, and he also got the main female protagonist. Furthermore, the topic never came up in the TVDU and no one even knew about it, and the show ended with Caroline and Damon being faMiLy.

The writers subjected Caroline Forbes to an extremely traumatic experience that she magically recovered from for the sake of OT3, the sexual violence plot line was not only forgotten but it did absolutely nothing for this female characters storyline. Her abuser faced no consequences and the show moved on and never acknowledged the trauma she went through.

Kisa/ Santanico Pandemonium (FDTD)

Kisa is probably one of the best female characters to ever exist out there. Her story line was exceptionally well written.

She was subjected to life of slavery and she wanted to take revenge. But later on we learn that she was also raped by her captor, which I think we could’ve done without. It did absolutely nothing for her storyline and just portrayed her as a victim to a man’s aggression. Before this revelation Kisa was on a path to vengeance and after that she was still on the very same path. Then what was the point of this new plot line or revelation?

Astrid (Vikings)

Astrid was kidnapped by King Herald, and it was in his kindgom that she was raped and subjected to sexual violence by various men. Astrid’s storyline was already a strong one as Lagertha’s lover and it absolutely did not need the whole King Herald trope.

If the writers wanted to kill her, she could have died at Lagertha’s side during a battle but the writers chose to subject her to a traumatic storyline for no reason at all.

Cersei Lannister (GoT)

Cersei was the epic female villain the show deserved. She didn’t have to be dead white man turned into an ice zombie to be terrifying. But the writers way of “humanising” her was subjecting her to sexual violence. Cersei was raped by Jamie Lannister on her sons funeral and it did absolutely nothing for her storyline.

The trope was extremely sexist, as if the writers were trying to convey a message about gender hierarchy on the show. That no matter how powerful she is, she is “vulnerable” to a man, to a knight.

Ingrid (Vikings)

Ingrid was Bjorn’s second wife who was raped by King Herald while she was staying in his Kingdom with her husband. The entire rape storyline did nothing for the shows plot line and was just in bad taste, and the worst part was King Herald did not face any consequences to his actions and died a hErO while fighting the Christians.

Sansa Stark (GoT)

Sansa was the epitome of the “male fantasy” a timid, petite white girl who needed to be saved. And the only way they could change that and make her strong for the viewers was through years and years to sexual humiliation and abuse.

Jeoffery humiliated Sansa again and again, in the court but that was not her breaking point. It was when she was sold off to Ramsay who then raped that she was considered strong. But to be honest for me Sansa was strong from the start and rape storyline was nothing but way of promoting sexual violence on the silver screen to attract a larger body of male viewers.

Brooke Davis (OTH)

Brooke is one of the most iconic and forever green characters on screen. But in during season 5 or 6 an intruder entered her house and assaulted her (I am not sure if sexual violence was involved or not). That was a plot line that the writers dragged on for a long period of time and for a while it did add to her story line but then it was completely forgotten.

That plot did nothing for Brooke’s character growth as she a was strong independent women before it happened and she was the same person after the events occurred.

(I am sorry for this post being too white, I couldn’t think of more PoC characters for this post. If you can remember any please feel free to add them. As, women of color are shown in more violent sexual situations than white women on screen.)

The point of this post is that sexual violence never adds anything to the female characters growth. Then why is it portrayed on screen? For shock value?

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jimlingss · 4 years

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Sugar and Coffee [13]

Chapter 12 - Chapter 13 - Chapter 14

➜ Words: 4.3k

➜ Genres: 99.5% Fluff, 0.5% Angst, Pâtisserie school!AU

➜ Summary: It isn't hard to be a pâtisserie chef, but it's not a piece of cake either. It seems like for you in particular, life keeps throwing in one wrench after another. It always finds ways to make your sweets bitter. The cherry on top is Jeon Jungkook — a rival with a sensitive sweet tooth who always finds ways to complain about you.

cr.

“I’m in love with you,” he asserts. “Gross.” Your answer is instinctive. But you’re not disgusted with him. Your features don’t twist. Your lips don’t become lopsided. Rather, the word is stated blankly. Impulsively. After all, you’ve conditioned yourself to respond like that — like anything in relation to romance is now awful. “Yeah.” Jungkook sighs, hair shagging over his forehead as he looks down. “I know. I’m pretty disgusted with myself too. But it doesn’t change the fact that I’m still in love with you. Fucking head over heels and all that crap.” You’re rendered speechless, about to ask him if he’s fucking with you, if this is some kind of sick joke. But then suddenly, Jungkook sighs loudly, startling you. His rigid body deflates, the tension in his muscles leaves and he knocks his head back, taking a deep breath. “God, it feels so good to be honest. With myself and with you.” The sun is setting over the horizon, the warmth soaking into his skin and softening his edges. The pair of you face each other in the middle of the empty sidewalk on an equally empty campus. There’s nowhere to run, nowhere to take cover. You wonder how long he’s felt this way for. You’re conflicted, unsure what to tell him. “Love’s a strong word, Jungkook.” “I’m aware.” “H-How are you even sure?” The dark-haired man looks you in the eye, his own becoming half-lidded. His breathing turns shallow, heavy in his chest and out his parted lips. “I’m sure.” You know Jungkook well enough to recognize his earnest sincerity. There isn’t a shred of doubt in his gaze nor his expression. He doesn’t waver once in his bold conviction. There’s only truth. “Well…...shit.” The words sink into you. The claws and pointed ends of each syllable nick into your flesh. In an instant, your impassiveness is torn from you — your placid state taken — your stoic face uncovered. “Fuck. Fuck!” You scream up into the sky, turning around, hands in your hair. What he’s saying registers and you hate it. You hate that love has to mess up every single relationship that you have. Goddamn. You can’t keep that disease away from affecting the people you care about most. Jungkook watches you have the small meltdown with widened eyes, not sure what to do or say. But then you whirl around after a moment, determination set in your features. All of a sudden, you grab his hand, patting it with your other firmly as if you were a doctor coaxing and comforting a patient. “We can overcome this together.” “What?” “It’s okay. This happens. If you’re friends with someone from the gender you’re attracted to, it’s natural you end up having a crush on them. It’s expected actually, considering we spend so much time together and interact so much. People encounter this issue all the time, but we can overcome it, Jungkook. Together.” You put your hand on his shoulder, eyes sympathetic. “I’ll help you get over me.” Jungkook can feel his left eye twitching. Of all responses, he did not expect this one. You’re acting like his therapist and that he’s got some kind of illness. You even end up thanking him for telling you the truth. Jungkook might actually need to see a therapist after talking to you.

Infatuation only lasts so long. Personally, in your humble opinion, you aren’t hot shit anyway. You’re not that great. Jungkook will get over himself when he sees you for how you really are. If anyone’s ever liked you, they won’t for long — you have evidence of that. “Hey, buddy!” You give finger guns as a greeting, making sure to not get too close to him. “You don’t need to patronize me.” Your voice releases stiff laughter. “Alright, bro.” You put your fist out for a fist bump, but Jungkook completely ignores you. He walks right past you with his hands in the pockets of his open coat. “Are you coming or are you going to stand there like an idiot?” he asks, briefly glancing over his shoulder. You scoff. Ever since the whole traumatizing confession, nothing’s changed. But at the same time everything has. Jungkook doesn’t act any differently — he still glares at you, calls you stupid and a witch. But you also begin to notice how affectionate his physical gestures are, when he taps your arm, when takes your shoulder to guide you away from a crowd, when he pats your head. And your efforts of keeping things as platonic as possible inadvertently makes everything awkward. It’s even worse now that you’re literally spending so much time with Jungkook. Exclusively. It’s just him, and for the months to come, it will only be him. You’ve already decided within the first minute that you won’t ignore him or distance yourself. You can’t. Not with the upcoming internship, and not when you’ve had that happen to you. You won’t do such a cruel thing to someone else. Jungkook will always be your friend no matter what and you’ll make sure of that. You catch up with him. “You know, I haven’t showered in days. This is like three-day old hair. Greasy, right? I just get so lazy showering.” “Right.” He ignores you. It goes silent and you noisily clear your throat. “Man, I had the worst shit today. It was explosive, dude.” “You really think toilet humour is going to make me stop liking you?” Jungkook stops in his tracks and you halt in a delayed manner. He shifts towards you, glaring. “What do you take me for?” You pout. “At least I’m trying.” “Try harder.” He pauses. “For the sake of both of us.” You’re befuddled over his answer and when he starts walking again, you quicken your pace to match his. “What? You don’t want to like me?” “Not if you don’t want me to. I just wonder what’s more difficult,” he hums thoughtfully, “You trying to get me to stop liking you or me trying to make you like me.” “I already like you,” you mumble. “See?” Jungkook points out abruptly as the corner of his mouth quirks into a subtle smile. “That’s not going to help with my situation.” “Sorry.” Your cheeks puff in your pout. “Neither is that,” He says and when you quirk your head to the side, brows furrowing, he grins boyishly. “Stop worrying about it before you give yourself wrinkles. Save your energy for the internship. I’m the least of your concerns.” He’s wrong. Jeon Jungkook is the biggest thing on your mind lately.

Kim’s Wedding Cake Company sits in the middle of Imlings Avenue. It’s a bakery played in between two small boutiques. It has tan brick walls and the shop’s sign is slightly worn around the red letters, but still legible. The doorway is narrow and crowded by two large glass windows on either side that invites onlookers inside for a session of cake tasting. The bell chimes as Jungkook pushes the door open, keeping it wide until you’re able to step in. The cream walls and the floorboards create a cozy atmosphere like you’re home. But what sets it aside from an intimate abode is the paintings of wedding cakes on the walls and the rounded tables with chairs around them for customers to sit at. A counter is curved at the corner of the room, cutting off the main area from the back. The moment the bell stops ringing, a short woman comes frantically stumbling out from the doorway. “Welcome!” She grins and the wrinkles around her eyes crease. Her brunette hair is in a bun, strays falling to frame her face. The woman is maybe around her early forties. “Congratulations on your engagement!” She grabs her binder and starts flipping. “Do you have an appointment?” “Oh no! He and I…” You point at Jungkook and then back at yourself, flustered. “We’re not like that.” Jungkook is holding back laughter, watching you flounder about. You’ve suddenly become so anxious at the idea that the pair of you are engaged. He turns away to look at the woman. “What she means is that we’re your interns.” “Oh, thank god.” The woman sighs, stepping back. “For a second here, I thought I had completely forgotten about an appointment.” She turns on her feet, placing her hands on her hips and shouts, “Namjoon! Honey! We were supposed to get our interns today?!” From the other room, a man’s voice screams back. “What?!” She goes closer to the doorway, shrieking, “Our interns! Were they supposed to come today?!” “No! They’re coming in a week from now!” “Then why are they standing right here?!” “What?!” “Why are they standing here?!” You exchange a look with Jungkook, not sure what’s going on. At the same time, a stocky, tall man in the traditional chef's uniform emerges — white double-breasted jacket, black pants and an apron. “I heard you, I heard you.” “Did you mark it wrong in the calendar again?” “I swear I didn’t—” The older man’s eyes widen as they catch the two of you standing there awkwardly. You lift your hand in salutation and he laughs. “Well, what do you know! Here they are, today! Welcome to our home!” Namjoon opens the wooden separator, comes out and wipes his hands on his apron haphazardly to shake both of your hands. His wife sighs and follows closely to greet you. “You must be Y/N and Jungsook?” “Jungkook,” he corrects in dismay while you try to hide your giggles. “Right, right. My bad. My name is Namjoon and my wife here is Sejeong.” Sejeong smiles. “I’m glad you’re both on board. Do you have any experience doing wedding cakes?” “No, we haven’t.” “It’s alright,” she reassures, “We’ll teach you along the way.” “We need all the help we can get.” Namjoon sighs. “Ever since Soohyun went on maternity leave, we’ve been swamped up to our chins. Doesn’t help that it’s wedding season.” “Auntie.” A four foot eight girl comes out from the back, her long black hair tied into a ponytail at the crown of her head, and coral apron tied around her body. “The chocolate’s melted—” The girl freezes on her spot, big eyes pinpointing onto Jungkook. You glance at him, and he looks at you with a small shrug. “Has it?” Sejeong smiles and brushes past her. “I’ll go check.” The younger girl doesn’t move and Namjoon smiles. “Oh, this is my eighteen year old niece, Yuna. She’s working here part-time to help out, mostly on the weekends when she’s not at school.” “Nice to meet you.” She timidly approaches Jungkook, clearing her throat and batting her lashes at him. Jungkook blankly shakes her hand. “Hi.” You extend your own hand and it’s only then that she seems to notice you and reluctantly shakes it. “I’m Y/N and this is Jungkook.” “Jungkook,” she murmurs after you. “So you’re going to work here till August?” “Yes, they will.” Namjoon laughs heartily. “You should go help your aunt look at the chocolate, Yuna. You can only learn if you know what you did wrong or right.” “Fine.” She exhales and drags her feet away, throwing a fleeting look to Jungkook over her shoulder. Namjoon re-directs his attention to the two of you with a softened smile. “Let me show you around!” The back area is a short hall that splits into three. The door to the left is a room with a table and chairs, posters of wedding cakes on the walls and happily married couples on their wedding day. “This is our only private room we have. It’s just in case a couple has a large party with them or would like some privacy when we have our consultation.” You peek your head into the room across from it. “That is our staff room and our bathroom and where our offices are. You can always eat your lunch or take a break here.” Namjoon leads you the other way and it’s to the place you know best — silver countertops, stoves, ovens, and sinks galore. “And this is our kitchen. We have a fridge here where we keep our cakes, a small fridge, our pantry. You’ll get yourself familiar pretty soon, don’t worry.” You return from the tour back to the main area, asking questions along the way which Namjoon is happy to answer. The pair of you also offer more insight into what you know and he’s pleasantly surprised that his two interns are more experienced than expected. “It can get pretty hectic around here during the wedding season. Some days we just have appointments and cake tasting all day. Other times, we’re rushing to make a wedding cake for the following day or we might be at the wedding venue getting it all set up. We usually open up shop around eight in the morning and you guys are let off at four.” “Don’t worry, if we have to stay late to catch up on work or finish a cake up, you’ll get paid handsomely.” Namjoon grins. “We work five days a week. Sometimes you’ll have to come in on the Saturday if we have a wedding on Sunday, but it’s not often. Any questions? Comments?” “Um…” You exchange expressions with Jungkook. “No, not really. I think we got it.” Suddenly the older man bursts out laughing, startling you both. “You two don’t have to be so anxious! I was a student once too. Don’t they say wedding cake internships are one of the hardest ones you can take?” “Uh.” Jungkook gingerly smiles. “We’ve heard of that.” “Yep.” The older man bobs his head. “That’s what I thought. But don’t worry, it’ll be a lot of work, but it’ll be fun. Just don’t get on my wife’s bad side and you’ll be fine and dandy.” “Are you talking badly about me?” Sejeong comes from the back, glaring at her husband. “Oh, there she comes.” In spite of his playful warnings, Namjoon laughs, dimples marked on each side of his cheek. He leans over to plop a kiss at the top of her head and waltzes into the back, leaving her sighing. “That man. Hopeless, I swear. Anyhow...I hope you both are ready!” Sejeong claps her hands together. “No time like the present to start learning and diving into it! We have a couple arriving in an hour for a consultation and I want you guys to lead. Should be easy enough!” The two of you nod, preparing yourselves. // Both Namjoon and Sejeong give you a few moments to yourselves to breathe and not be overwhelmed. But you’re kind of excited. It’s a bit surreal that one moment you’re sitting in a lecture hall learning about theory and the next, you’re in the real world, about to apply all the knowledge you’ve gathered. For a while now, you’ve missed working and being more hands-on. You glance down to your coral apron they gave you. Jungkook is in the same one and while he grumbled about not wearing much pink before, he looks cute in it. You wanted to take a picture but he didn’t let you. Self-conscious Jungkook is one you’ve seldom seen and admittedly, endearing. “They seem really nice.” And in love. It’s pleasant to see. Even with how disgusting romance is. It just isn’t often that you can look at a couple and not think about their inevitable doom. “Yeah, they are. Thankfully. God knows how many strict head chefs are out there.” You wonder what it’s like to own a business with your husband and work together all the time — though you don’t voice your question aloud. You have an inkling Jungkook would flirtatiously answer ‘that could be us’ and you don’t need to be distracted by him right now. His presence is a distraction enough. “How about Yuna though?” You elbow him lightly in the ribs, giving a nudge while wiggling your brows. “I think she likes you.” Jungkook’s expression blanches. “She’s still in high school.” “I’m just kidding—” “And some other girl showing up is not going to stop me from liking you any less than I do,” Jungkook says nonchalantly, stating it like it’s a fact. He’s unaware of how your face heats. You quickly take a drink of water in an attempt to cool down. Goddammit — he’s being a distraction already without you having to set him up. “You still owe me that favour.” You clear your throat, changing the subject. “Remember? When you challenged me saying you could pipe better than I can temper chocolate.” “I thought we called it even.” Jungkook grins, cutely with the mole dotted underneath his mouth. “Nu-uh. That’s not fair and you know it.” You put your foot down. “We agreed the loser would have to cover for the winner when they go on break or make a mistake. And you lost, Jeon.” “Already planning on making mistakes?” You sulk. “No. I just want you to have my back.” “You already have that,” Jungkook says tenderly with a smile. “And a lot more.” Your mouth is filled with cotton. The corner of his mouth curls even more, relishing in your surprised expression. He doesn’t even bat a lash and merely looks away when the bell to the front entrance rings. “Welcome to Kim’s Wedding Catering Company.” You tear your eyes away from Jeon Jungkook’s profile. “Do you have an appointment?” “Yes, we do.” The woman smiles, dressed in a white beret and trench coat, her cheeks blushing. She’s accompanied by another woman in a leather jacket who’s holding her hand. “It should be under Lee.” “You must be Sungkyung and Victoria, congratulations on your engagement.” The both of them glance at each other, sharing giddy smiles. “Thank you.” “Right this way.” Jungkook leads them to one of the wooden tables, setting out a book as you grab the slices of cake on the plate from the back, all decorated and labeled. Sejeong who’s been watching at the counter gives an encouraging thumbs up. “So your wedding is being held during the beginning of September?” “Yes and we’re planning to cut the cake during the evening,” Sungkyung says as Jungkook jots it down on his sheet. “Will this be an outdoor or indoor wedding?” “We’re planning to have it outdoors in a garden.” “That’s nice.” Jungkook smiles. “Do you have any themes in your wedding? Any colour scheme?” “We have butterflies and we have green and purple as our colours.” “And how many guests do you have?” “About a hundred.” “Okay.” You come to the table with the long plate and two forks. Both of the women are excited, eyes lighting up as you place the cakes in front of them and take a seat beside Jungkook. “This one is vanilla cake with buttercream. It’s simple, but a classic. This one is coconut cake with coconut cream. Red velvet with cream cheese frosting, chocolate with ganache, lemon with custard filling and fondant, strawberry with salted caramel filling and fondant, and the last one here is carrot cake with butterscotch sauce filling and chocolate buttercream icing. Take your time.” “I really like this one,” Victoria whispers to her fiancée, fork points to carrot cake. “Or at least the icing part.” “I prefer this one.” Sungkyung indicates the strawberry cake and takes another bite. “We can always mix and match,” you tell them with a smile. “It’s possible to do strawberry cake with buttercream.” “Buttercream usually tastes better than fondant, but if it’s hot outside, it might melt.” Jungkook’s brows knit together and you look at him, humming for a second. “Well, we always put a layer of fondant over the buttercream so they also get that smooth look and we wouldn’t have to worry about melting.” The boy nods. “Yeah, that would work.” “That sounds really good.” The two women smile at each other. “How much would it cost?” “Ummm…” Jungkook flips through the binder, memory failing him. He finally finds the table of all the prices on the tenth page. “For us, it depends on what kind of cake you end up choosing and how many tiers it’ll be, but it should be around four hundred to five hundred. For a hundred people, I’d recommend…..uh…” “Three to four layers.” You finish his sentence and Jungkook looks at you gratefully. You leave the two of them to finish up the cakes and to discuss with one another. Sejeong who’s been waiting at the back has her compliments prepared. “Great job, you two. Couldn’t have done it better myself!” It’s stressful to remember the details, but luckily Sejeong is merciful and allows the two of you to shadow her as she goes out to explain the designs, possible flower arrangements on the cake and discuss how they want it to look. She also goes more into detail about prices, providing the women with a write-up of what it would look like. When the consultation is finished, there’s not a moment to breathe. You’re ushered into the kitchen where Namjoon is working on a wedding cake. “So I already baked these babies yesterday and let them cool down in the fridge. I’ve also made the buttercream just now. Today we crumb coat our cakes and colour fondant. Tomorrow, we’re going to cover the cakes with fondant, put dowels in and stack our tiers, and decorate, then it’s all ready for delivery! Easy, huh?” “Umm…” The older man laughs noisily from his chest. “I’m guessing you two know how to crumb coat cakes?” “Yes, we do.” “Great. Then this is all on you. Make sure not to mess up! It’s the bride and groom’s special day! People only have a wedding once...hopefully.” There’s not any pressure whatsoever. Namjoon leaves, coming in and out to help with his wife and niece cleaning the front and watching over your shoulder. But he has little to say to both you and Jungkook when he finds your techniques sufficient. The cakes are placed on a turntable, bench scrapers and offset icing spatulas in hand. You add a thin layer of frosting to trap cake crumbs and prevent them from popping up in your finished cake. And while you crumb coat two layers, Jungkook does one and goes to colour fondant. Namjoon teaches him, rolling the fondant into a ball and kneading until it’s soft and pliable. A small dot of pink is added and he kneads the colour until it’s blended. Once you’re done with the cakes, you help Jungkook with another ball of fondant, kneading until your arms are sore. Afterwards, the two of you assist Sejeong and Yuna, organizing the shelves of baking pans, various coloured ribbons, and bins of cookie and cake cutters. It’s tiresome, but you feel rejuvenated when they let you try some of the spare cake slices they offer. It’s delicious, melting on your palate and Namjoon jokingly quizzes both of you on what kind of icing works best with what cakes and what ingredients are in each of them. You’d like to say you won. They also teach you how to answer emails and phone calls, and both you and Jungkook arrange a few appointments for next week. The day is over before you’ve realized. “Good work, you two!” Sejeong praises. “You’re very fast learners.” “I heard you rank high at your school.” Namjoon smiles in spite of your modest protests. “I believe you know her as Miss. Kang. She speaks highly of you two and I’m not disappointed.” “Jungkook, I heard you wanted to be a Chocolatier?” Namjoon asks and the boy is like a deer in the headlights, doe eyes rounded. He nods slowly. “Yes, that’s my long-term goal.” “When we have a moment then, I’ll work on something with you,” he promises with another dimpled smile and Jungkook is visibly enthused. “Anyway, I hope nothing was too overwhelming. Get a good night’s rest and we’ll continue tomorrow!” They close up shop as the sun sets over the horizon and Yuna waves wildly, bidding Jungkook farewell. “Bye, Jungkook!” He makes a noise, a small ‘bye’ to her before the two of you turn away after waving to the married couple. You walk down the street together, towards the bus stop where it’ll guide you home. “That wasn’t bad.” “Yeah.” There’s a pause. Jungkook smiles at you. “It wasn’t.” Silence eventually falls in between the spaces. You can feel your eye bags deepening, your bones creaking with every movement. You’re exhausted from the long day, unable to utter a single word, but the quiet that settles is comfortable rather than awkward. Your feet are moving on their own against the pavement, the sounds of cars moving past shaping the white noise of the city. It’s a long way back home, but as you glance at Jungkook, walking alongside him with your footsteps synced together, you’re glad he’s here. The two of you have each other for support. You’re unknowing to how Jungkook shares the same sentiment. He takes a glimpse of you when you don’t notice, stealing glances like he’s stealing candy. The smile on his face softens. His own words echo back to him— “I just wonder what’s more difficult,” he had hummed thoughtfully, “You trying to get me to stop liking you or me trying to make you like me.” It occurs to Jungkook that he’s found his answer. He realizes he can’t ‘overcome’ his feelings. He can’t get over you like you think he can.

If you rejected him, his concern of making you uncomfortable would far outweigh these simmering emotions inside of him, but you didn’t. The fact of the matter is that Jungkook knows your aversion is towards love, not him. And with such uncertainty and possibilities, it’s impossible to get over you.

It won’t work. Not when you’re you.

So Jungkook chooses the other path — the other approach. He makes the decision right then and there. Instead of idly standing by and allowing you to sprout nonsense and drive him even more crazy, he’s going to act. He’s going to actually do something about his feelings— Jeon Jungkook is going to court you.

#bts fanfic #bts scenarios #jungkook fanfic #jungkook fluff #jungkook scenario #sugar and coffee #btsboulangerie #jungkook reader insert #JUNGKOOK AS DUMB #AND OC AS DUMBER #IS JUNGOO BRAVE OR STUPID #does it even matter?? cause he's about to evolve Y'ALL #LEVELING UP

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homeofhousechickens · 3 years

Text

Noticed an influx of terfs harassing fellow agriculture blogs. And i want to talk about something pretty heavy, if you are one of those “terf” people or maybe you have found yourself following those types of blogs while also following mine please give my words a read. I know some people look up to me but to be honest I am not the most eloquent person but maybe i can convince you to look more critically at your world view.

Tw: Transphobia, abuse, trauma, Aphobia, Terf rhetoric

I will be honest and say that I also once attacked people who were different from me to, i used to be what i think is called an asexual exclusionist due to some of my own trauma and because of that i took it out on the asexual community as an angry autistic teenager. I was frustrated at my hypersexuality which was a symptom of my sexual abuse being treated like a normal sexuality so i projected those feelings of hurt back out into the world when their was better coping methods. I was frustrated at the well off asexual kids in GSA that couldnt understand why their fellow member was having a panic attack due to being kicked out of the house for being a lesbian, when i could have been just as frustrated at the other LGBT kids that had decent parents, i was just targeting them because they were different from me and it felt safe to.

Obviously as an adult I educated myself and no longer hold those ideas. I read stuff from outside of my own point of view and stuff that directly challenged me over the years, I know not everyone has the privilege to be able to do that but i did and the reason is is that i was tired of hurting and i was tired of hurting other people, I never harassed anyone but it did influence how i treated people when i was younger and i am sorry for it.

I know alot of terf rhetoric centers around the concept of women (specifically white women usually) being victims of the “other sex” or being them being the “better sex”. (i know because aphobic rhetoric is very similar) Due to this they genuinely believe that other women want to come into their spaces and “steal” this ideal away from them. Thats why they get so furious about the idea of functional uterine transplants. To them, their uterus or vulva is what defines them as “better” or the reason they suffer trauma but when the science is moving so where typical reproduction may not be the only pathway to child bearing they become enraged because they are no longer “special” to themselves. Their is no longer a reason for their trauma and pain.

This fundamentally is the basis of the hate they put out into the world. This is also why they attack cis women who do not conform to typical femininity. This boiling down of their worth to chromosomes or anatomy is literally just a rehashed version of the own misogyny they were likely fed as a child and it makes me sad. They say the same stuff my shitty relatives did about women but now terfs are the ones saying it about whoever they decide is the “other” sometimes that other is transgender women sometimes its intersex women and sometimes its women who just dont conform to their ideals. When you picture yourself happy, is it when your standing with your heels dug in on top of the people you deem “other”? Or is when your helping out your fellow human? When you tear down another person does it really build you up? When you see others tear someone down because of their appearance do you not care how it may affect the people you care about and the people who care about you? How many terfs have i seen brag about “hate saving” transwomens photos so they can make fun of them later? How does that sound when you say that out loud? Imagine going to the person you care about the most someone you deeply respect and saying “in my free time i save/take pictures of people i dont know and then i make fun of them and show them to a bunch of strangers so we can make fun of them together” like really say that out loud.

I would be ashamed. I want to make people happy not hurt them. I want connection and i think thats a base need for most humans. I want to connect with people who are kind to me and kind to others, if someone told me they were doing that i would feel ashamed for even talking to that person. Sexual abuse and trauma are no joke and there isnt an argument to say that women suffer gendered violence that cis white men simply never really will ever understand. But true of the matter is our trans brothers and sisters are treated just like woman are and worse. I feel like so many of us end up holding hate for a group of people due to bad experiences with individuals so our dumb brains start shoving people into boxes of “bad” and “good”. But a trans person can fear rape, abuse, trauma just as much as you do and they suffer from very high levels of it and thats a fact. They are not your enemy, hateful individualistic thinking is! and its that very same way of thinking that is killing the planet. I want to iterate that every single person you have interacted with on this website is a living breathing person. They have their own emotions, their own thoughts, their own dreams, and their own world view. When you say something mean or harass them you are actively hurting another person. Me typing this out right now, i am a person with my own flaws and aspirations. I think sometimes people forget that people are people not just faceless emotional less words on a screen. Trans women are women and this blog will always support that. If that makes you upset think about why, on your own at first, no social media to help you.

Maybe see a therapist who is well versed in gender and the lgbt. Therapists arent just their for when your depressed or anxious they are here to talk to. There is people you can read about or talk to, the worst thing that can happen is that you could change like i did. There is nothing shameful about changing and admitting mistakes. Sorry if i said some things wrong i just wanted to get it off my chest

#vent #transphobia #aphobia #cw terfs #anti terf

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bandicoot88 · 3 years

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@featherrwbyrnjr, okay, but how can you expect me to see this if you blocked me? Anyway, this is gonna be long, so strap in!

Okay, but it’s not one person, it’s several. I said a friend, but that friend interacts with many like minded folks. I’ve seen it all. I understand what’s going on. I may not be in the fandom, but I’ve witnessed from afar. I’ve seen enough to understand the basics, something you still clearly lack.

Fine, if it wasn’t you, then I take it back that on this occassion, it wasn’t you, tho I’m still doubtful with how much I’ve seen of you and how many enemies you’ve made. It’s not farfetched to assume it’s you. Point still stands tho; don’t shame content creators for making content. Just say you dislike the ship and go (which is 100% valid btw, and if people hate you for it, then those are bad eggs you avoid).

Yeah but... it’s still canon, like, pretty much... While it’s not in your face “I love you”, it’s clear what the intentions are meant to be. One of the VAs did a whole stream, and in one moment, he was asked what he wished he could’ve said that didn’t make it into the game, the line being something along the lines of “we would’ve been great together.”

Sure, VAs are not the creators of the game, but this goes in par with a statement about how the Shuake relationship is supposed to be a love story. It’s not pretty, Goro being an antagonist who is problematic, but... ships are allowed to be problematic. And he even changes and becomes a better person, because of Joker.

Sorry, but that’s false. There are plenty of multi-shippers out there who don’t just “tolerate” other ships but downright engage with it. My friend is one of them, and she even has friends who also don’t like Shuake. What do they do? They mute it and move on, and nothing else is said on the matter. If you’re seeing people that are doing otherwise, then yet again, maybe avoid them and find people who won’t shit on you, which by the way, you seem to bundling all these people in a bucket and labelling them “problematic” when they’ve done nothing wrong. There’s a reason you’re well known...

People have even tried to reach out to you to help you because this is completely not healthy, but all you’ve done is smack away any offered hands. We can only do so much...

Gatekeeping, there’s that word again. Do you not even comprehend what your actions are doing? You’re the one gatekeeping! “Don’t ship Shuake because it’s a toxic ship! Meanwhile, I’m hogging Goro all to myself.” My friend is not a gatekeeper. In fact, she fought back against gatekeepers. She’s a very open person who welcomes all ships and things. She literally doesn’t give a fuck.

Again, if you run into negative people, block them and move on. Not everyone is out to get you, and if you’d only give them a chance, who knows, you might make some friends. Hell, if you realized what you were doing, they might still welcome you, but you are hell bent on burning bridge after bridge until there’s nothing but cinders.

Actually, let me you a story. Last year, there was a BIG ruckess in another fandom I’m in, and it was ugly. Very ugly. Why? Because many of the fans considered one of the characters to be 100% gay. While I also believed he was, I could see the potential of him not being. My friend (same as the above) was also very heavily involved, because she saw him as bisexual.

There’s little evidence that he was anything but gay, but that didn’t mean he just was purely on what we saw. Of course, many did not like this, and a lot of noise happened. I ended up blocking a lot of people and also being blocked in the process, because they couldn’t handle the possibility of a character being bi, even tho it was never stated he was gay, just hinted at.

Besides, it’s fandom, and things change. Sexualities change, gender changes, all things can change. But no, they’re of the purity culture brand, and if you said something that wasn’t the popular thing, you were shunned. It made me consider leaving the fandom, but I remained.

You see... I too have dealt with such people, and there may be a lot of them. If there are, then don’t give them a second look. Seek out people who are open to discussing all and other things. They exist. If you had a bad experience, then I am sorry, okay? No one should feel that way in any fandom. Fandoms are meant to be fun. I want you to have fun. I do. I don’t want you stressing and yelling and pushing people away.

So I had heard that you use to create content for it, but I implore... do it again. Create solo Goro content. By all means, if you truly aren’t ready or don’t wish to, then don’t, but also, don’t let people win. People will welcome your solo Goro content. There’s nothing wrong with solo content of anything. He doesn’t need to be tied a ship 24/7, but he’s still going to be tied to that ship quite heavily, but it’s not 100%. Nothing will ever be 100%, because you’re allowed to hate the ship, and others do too, and that is fine!

2 years then. 2 years... That’s still a long time. Perhaps tho... these people you interacted with have moved on from the fandom, and in turn, in 2 years, many people have since joined the fandom. Perhaps you are comparing people from 2 years ago to people today. If any of those people from 2 years ago are still around, then don’t engage. They aren’t worth your time if you were polite about an opinion that you have no control over. Liking a ship is like liking a genre of music or TV show. You can’t force it.

You are allowed to want to see solo Goro content, and people do, or ship him with someone else that isn’t Joker. It exists. It won’t be as popular of course, because that’s just the nature of their relationship so of course many are going to be drawn to it, but that doesn’t mean everyone is drawn to it.

You realize you don’t have to pay people within the fandom, right? You can just... approach literally any artist/writer and go “hey, this is what I want, yadda yadda”, they create the thing, you get your thing, badda bing badda boom. However, if you did wish approach someone within the fandom, then do so... So long as they aren’t a jackass about your dislike for the ship, they will most likely create the thing you ask for. People like money, so it pays to be open minded about other ships instead of just refusing said money just because they perosnally don’t like it.

To anyone who went after you, that’s still not a reason to lash on other people for them to witness you at your worst. You’re literally not giving any of us a reason to believe you are approachable, but you’re just angry. To anyone who made you feel like shit, then fuck them, okay? FUCK. THEM. But that doesn’t mean others are going to do the same. I don’t think a single fandom is immune to toxicity of some variety. It’s never going to go away, and that’s the price you pay for being in fandoms.

I admit, my sources are not coming from the source, but from what I’ve seen from others. So give us a reason on why you aren’t the person we all think you are. All I see from you is hate, hate, hate. I don’t want you to be unhappy. In fact, I feel bad for you, scared for you even, because there’s nothing but hatred and foulness coming from you. You can’t expect people to see you and go “yeah, this person is totally approachable.” No, you’re intimidating.

If people pushed you out of your lane, then take it back! It’s okay to not like Shuake or any popular ship. If people are dicks about it, then call them dicks, but the others won’t care if you don’t like it. We’re allowed to like different things.

I’ve said my peace.

#persona #persona 5 #shuake #discourse #drama #dunno if she'll even see this but... i gotta try

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