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night-dark-woods · 2 years

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YESSS another person out there who reads Mara Sov as autistic!

YES YES YES hope its ok i answer this publically if not not ill delete it as an ask and just post it BUT she is sooooo very much autistic to me like. i love her sooooo much and thats a huge huge part of it ESPECIALLY bc she gets to be SO delightfully complex and morally gray and a deeply sympathetic character who still is a bit of a horrible person sometimes which just ISNT something we GET a lot as autistic ppl like. augh!!! mara sov was constructed in a lab for me to care about.

anyway im not citing stuff bc im on mobile and copypasting to the tumblr app is Hell but i have fully read the marasenna like 4 times in the last 2 months so this is going to be rambly as all hell but:

-talk about fucking black and white morality. going back to earth is the Right Thing To Do and she will absolutely condemn* her entire colony ship to mortality for that.

-her conviction that she knows secrets and things no one else knows, that she is always in control in a way others arent, and her Need for that to be true, and her sense of herself as separate/better/other/above the rest and having a connection to a deeper knowledge. i feel like theory of mind gets tossed around as a dsm checkbox without people like. fully understanding the nuances of it.

-relatedly her... mercenary? approach to the social interactions and relationships she has (and her utter panic and confusion when she cannot use her models that she has, eg sjur). like she may not be able to Feel what other people feel but she can certainly pattern-match and manipulate.

-her absolutely oversized eldest daughter & gifted kid syndrome taken to absolutely absurd extremes (thanks osana and alis li!) bc of what authority figures told her to be true about herself at 19. (one of the times she had to dramatically readjust her model of How Social Interactions Work- the concept that how she is perceived is Her Responsibility which she immediately internalizes as Law). ALSO osana saying that mara never wanted to be her daughter like. ok we get it ur kid is strange and acts "older than her age" and is more self-possessed than a child her age should be except when shes not.

-god just. honestly everything about how shes written. idr if u have read seth dickinson's published books (the traitor baru cormorant) but baru from those books is SO SO SO similar like. ruthless in that the ends justify absolutely any means, self-centered, brilliant with a massive blindspot where it comes to emotions, manipulative bc she relies on a carefully constructed understanding of how social interactions work, most importantly disastrously world-shatteringly gay.

also i feel like part of it is that a lot of the traits and things that make me read mara as autistic are like... internal experience traits that arent easily recognizable by allistic ppl bc they dont Have a recognizably autistic-specific external manifestation and instead come off as like. being a bitch or selfish or stuck up or cold or Whatever. but are like immediately viscerally recognizable if u experience things the same way.

maybe at some point ill make an Actual Post abt mara sov, the travelers most autistic creature. but so much of it is Unexplainable Vibes. if u kno u kno. also thank u for sending this ask and giving me a chance to talk abt mara i love her SO much.

*i dont believe immortality is inherently good, so i dont think it was condemning is like, the right word, but in context of how characters see it.

#mara sov #asks #i am so so normal about mara come closer please i promise im normal about her.#im SO glad im not alone in reading her this way as well also!!!#long post

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mysterycharacterbracket · 2 months

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Bonus Round Poll #2

Our next character is Percy Weasley from Harry Potter!

Character 51:

A boy who despite doing his best to make his parents happy ends up having to walk away from his family all together.

Burnt out "gifted child" who is now coasting through life by working far more than he should to battle with the guilt and trauma in his heart.

He dove headfirst clothes and all into a lake once because he panicked.

Writes a lot of letters.

Cares alot about people being safe.

Character 176:

has "Eldest Daughter Syndrome"

and because of that his siblings don't like him much because they see him as "a stick in the mud"

though in reality he just wants what's best for them even if they like to make his life hell for it

he eventually cracks and leaves his family in a rage over the mistreatment and it fractures the whole family's relationship with him pretty permanently

the narrative hates him

his family is pretty toxic but he tries really hard to do what he thinks is best

Character 186: Just a kid who wanted to be successful in his dream job and gets absolutely shit all over for it by his family and the fandom.

#mystery character bracket #polls #bonus poll

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clouded-void · 2 years

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I would take the phase “recognize your privilege” more seriously if it wasn’t so often paired with “shut up” and used to mean “you aren’t the Most Oppressed so your problems don’t exist”

#something something a useful phrase has been poisoned by bad faith actors #this is about invisible disability #and mental illness #and being trans masc #and nonbinary both #and being poc in an ‘ambiguous’ way that prevents people from knowing which slurs to hurl at you #so they just choose and and hope it sticks #this is about gift child and eldest daughter syndrome #I have had enough of being told to shut up #over problems that will kill me someday #rambles #vent

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nightwishesworld · 3 years

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Oh, I have a request! How about the daughters (who love the reader very much) always taking the reader and practically stealing her every time she’s with Alcina? (Cuz we need more daughters and reader interaction 🥲) And maybe to the point of our precious big dommy mommy gettin ya know ya know jealous? ;)) HAHGSHAHAHAHA, that would be hilarious to see. Anyways, hope you’re havin’ a great time~ ✌🏻till next time!

I’m so sorry this took me so long anon! I’ve gotten more requests than I ever thought I would and I’m starting to get behind. This was a really sweet one to put together though- really enjoyed it!

Slight Gore warning for Cassandra! Nothing too detailed but it is referenced. If you don’t like it just skip her

Bela

Being the eldest sibling has made her the most level-headed of the three. After decades of ending squabbles between her younger sisters, she’s discovered the pleasures of retail therapy.

She takes great joy in popping off to neighboring villages for a few hours perusing the various aromatherapy shops.

And she takes even greater pleasure bringing you along. Dragging you, really. Even if you’re otherwise busy. Sometimes she’ll buy you a few scents or lotions that catch your eye.

She calls it “compensation for being dragged away from Mother,” but really she’s just happy to spoil you

Also loves asking you for literature recommendations. As vast as the castle’s library is, Bela had read through most of the literature over her lifetime

Is absolutely fascinated by modern day novels.

She takes you on a day-long shopping spree visiting five surrounding villages just blowing through money buying almost every book that peaks her interest

Most of your time together is spent relaxing in the library talking about your novels.

Eventually you’ve collected enough books to make an entirely new section in the library just for the two of you.

Even when cuddled up with Alcina in the library, there is simply no escaping Bela when she’s looking for recommendations or simply someone to talk to

At the end of the day, you really didn’t mind. You were more than happy to spend time with all the girls and happy they wanted to spend time with you.

You knew as annoyed as Alcina got when interrupted she found it incredibly sweet that her daughters will go out of their way to be with you

Cassandra (Cassi)

Suffers from middle child syndrome hardcore

She’s a bit too old to understand Bela’s interests, but too old to join Daniela in her delusional fantasies. So naturally, she tries to cling onto you.

At first she tries to convince you to enter the basement with her so she can show you her “Art Gallery,” but Alcina forbade it. So things between you and Cassi went quiet for awhile

Alcina says Cassandra is an artist of some sort and all her work is done in the basement

After about a month of silence Cassandra came barrelling into your private study with some kind of canvas in her hands

“I’m sorry I haven’t been around much, y/n, but I’ve been working really hard on your gift.”

You gush, “oh Cassi, you didn’t have to make me anything. That’s so sweet of you.”

She eagerly flips over the canvas to reveal her painting of a human heart.

It was beautifully detailed, the heart really jumped off the page against the black background...but something was off about it. It took a minute for you to realize it but once you did, you couldn’t stop staring. The heart was painted with blood.

You were lost for words.

“Well?” Cassi, asked with a broad smile on her face. “Do you like it?”

All you could do at first was nod you head. “Oh Cassandra, its gorgeous. You really made this?”

The girl’s eyes were rapturous. “It’s my favorite hobby! But this particular piece was my first try at observational painting. I hope I did a good job...”

“Are you kidding Cassi? It’s beautiful! I’ve never seen anything like it. Can I hang it on my wall?”

She lunges at you, wrapping you in a suffocating hug. “Thank you, y/n. I made it a heart so you know how much we love having you here with us.”

Tears were starting to prick your eyes. “I love you guys, too.”

You looked up lust long enough to see Alcina walk in your study, roll her eyes and walk right back out.

Daniela (Dani)

Being the youngest Dimitrescu definitely has its advantages and Daniela knows how to use every single one.

Gets away with absolutely everything and anything under the sun. Even things her older sisters could only dream of getting away with and it irritates them to no end.

Daniela is definitely the most daring of the three. Always pushing her boundaries with her mother and will go out of her way to annoy Alcina just for funsies.

Is comfortable (and has) appearing in your bedroom while your, erm...busy with Alcina. Literally grabs you by the arm and swoops you away in a swarm of moths giggling the entire time. You hear Alcina shouting obscenities as you’re taken away.

You’re both thoroughly embarrassed.

Daniela seems to be, just like her mother, very needy. Attention starved if you will. So of course, she’s in need of your presence every hour. Sometimes more.

And for the dumbest freaking reasons!

“Y/n come quick! Look at the birds in the garden. They’re so pretty!”

You laugh at her excitement “They’re crows, Dani. We see them every day.”

Other times she will drag you to her room and pull out her vast collection of weapons and tell you different stories associated with each one. You loved hearing how passionate Daniela was about her collection.

On a few rare occasions, she even gifted you a set of daggers, or crossbow, or whatever your favorite weapon is.

“You don’t own any y/n, which means you’re vulnerable to attacks. One day I’ll teach you how to use them.”

BONUS: Alcina being absolutely done with her girls not sharing

Late hours of the night are Alcina’s favorite time of day

She gets to relax in bed with you all to herself while shedding away all the stresses from the day.

More often than not she’ll lazily sip a glass of wine and reread her favorite novel to you while you’re nestled in her lap.

It was the only time of day she knew she had you all to herself

...usually...

One night all three of her daughters barged in your bedroom arguing who you would spend time with first. Alcina tried shouting over them to take control of the situation, but none of them were even paying her attention.

Situations like this call for drastic measures.

Alcina covered your ears and shouted at her girls from the top of her lungs. Once she knew she had their attention she reached over to the nightstand and pulled out a...spray bottle? They were about to laugh at her before she explained that the spray bottle contained holy water.

That scared them enough to make them back up a few steps. Daniela even hisssed at her, baring her fangs like a feral animal.

“I am tired of you three stealing away my y/n and I’ve reached my breaking point. This is the one time of day I’m allowed exclusive time with them and I will not have you getting in the way of that.”

You couldn’t process what was happening before you. Was Alcina really prepared to spray her own daughters with holy water just because she wouldn’t get her cuddles tonight? Really?

Daniela felt bold tonight. “As if you would actually do it. I bet that’s not even holy water.”

Alcina only arched a brow. “Well you’re more than welcome to come see for yourself, Daniela. By all means.”

The redhead was about to do just that until Bela pulled her backwards. “I guess we can wait and see y/n tomorrow. Goodnight, mother. Goodnight, y/n.”

As soon as Alcina knew they were gone she fell back onto the mattress, pulling you with her, peppering you in kisses.

“Darling,” you ask. “Is that really holy water?”

She chuckles into your neck. “No, it’s not, and they should have known that. If it were I wouldn’t have been able to hold it without it making me feel ill. But they’ll figure that out eventually and once they do they’ll be back.”

“What then?”

“Pelting them with fake silver should do the trick.”

#lady dimitrescu x reader #tall vampire lady #alcina dimitrescu #lady alcina #bela dimitrescu #cassandra dimitrescu #daniela dimitrescu

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cloudraker · 2 years

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Can I get a matchup for tfp? Preferably with a male character please, either bot or con is fine!

I'm a short and chonky girl with short fluffy dark hair, and my style flip flops between grungy/punk/goth to kawaii and pastel, or just any combination of those two. If I had more money, I'd collect earrings by the bucketfull to suit either style.

Hobbies: Art (painting and drawing), baking, gaming, writing (fiction and poetry, plushie collecting, reading

Favorite places: Theme parks, mountains/forests, the OCEAN (all caps bc I love it most), toy and/or accessory shops

Likes: Superhero and action films/cartoons/comics/etc, studying animals and nature (my career path), my sweet little puppy Charlie whom I'd destroy god with my bare hands for

Dislikes: BULLIES. Hate them. Hate them so much, with a passion, 29/10 would wipe the concept of bullying from existence. Also spaces that are both tight and crowded, "busting your chops" and sarcasm and teasing (i hardly ever understand when/how it's friendly).

Upon first impressions, I've been told I seem standoffish and unwelcoming despite not feeling it. As in, I may have resting bitchface even though I'm relatively happy to talk. I'm a little awkward and prefer to be approached first, otherwise I might never say anything, and when I do talk I love, LOVE to ramble on about something I know or have recently learned a lot about. I also love to play, and by that I mean in general. Games, whether physical or just video games, are awesome and I really like them. I get competitive but I make sure I stay polite and light hearted. I'm a very sincere and literal person too, so I don't always do well with people who are sarcastic or snarky. I mean, I know the difference between a snarky person and a jerk, but still.

As either a friend or lover, I'm SUPER loyal and sincere. It's very hard for me to lie or keep secrets unless it's a little personal thing that I'm embarrassed about. And I will always, ALWAYS be willing to serve and help and I'll be upset if someone I love has a problem and there's nothing I can do. I will do anything from physical/mental tasks to emotional support. I'm at least 99.999% sure part of that is because I have a combination of "eldest daughter syndrome" and "gifted child syndrome". But I still like to think that because helping and being kind makes me feel good, that I may actually be kind.

I also consider myself a mom friend in terms of how I like to take care of people and readily accept any responsibility. And as a former gifted kid I hold myself to high standards and, may or may not overwork myself from time to time.

Hey, thank you so much for requesting! So sorry for the wait <3

I match you with...

Breakdown!!

Under the cut :)

He is here for the style changes, absolutely hypes you up whenever he can. He’s picked up a decent amount about aesthetics thanks to Knock Out, so he might even be able to lend a hand!

Breakdown doesn’t have a huge appreciation for the finer arts, but he’s more than happy to listen to you talk about what it is you’re working on at the time. He finds it amazing that you can create something like that, and might even try his hand at it himself with some prompting

He’s a big guy, so going to places like amusement parks is a bit hard for him, even if you overlooked the alien robot part. So walks together in secluded areas are perfect! Earth is so much different from Cybertron, and even though Breakdown isn’t exactly one to stop and smell the roses, he can appreciate how organic life has grown on this planet

He’s not a huge fan of the beach though, sand gets everywhere and it’s so hard to get out of his seams! Much more willing to join you if it’s at a rocky beach

Doesn’t think much of your standoffishness. He’s a former wrecker, and some of the best bots he’s ever met had the grouchiest faces, so he’s not going to judge you for the way you look. He probably approaches you first, striking up conversation the best he can

Breakdown agrees with you on the bullies part; he’s seen firsthand how horrible others can be treated and doesn’t care for it one bit. The teasing part though he’s a bit iffy on, believing that a bit of lighthearted teasing between friends and partners is healthy, but won’t engage in it with you if you’re not comfortable with it

Games? He loves games! Will absolutely try to get you to play lob with him, forgetting how easily you could get squished. Settles for something more human-friendly, as long as it’s still something physical. He doesn’t have the patience for something like a board game

Appreciates your loyalty more than he cares to admit. As a Decepticon, loyalty seems to be hard to come by, and factor in the fact that you’re human, and he’s got quite a few insecurities about the relationship. But knowing you’re there for him and are willing to help him when he needs it does a lot to reassure him. He tries to do the same in return, but he’s honestly not the best with emotions. He’s trying though

He’s used to Knock Out working a lot, so he’s able to easily pull you away from your own work when he thinks you’re overworking yourself, making sure you actually eat something

Despite his size he’s very careful with you! He enjoys carrying you around when he can so you can keep up and stop yourself from being underfoot

It’s a stable and mostly calm relationship, the two of you trust each other completely and he would do almost anything if it was to keep you safe

#transformers x reader #matchups #breakdown

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rebelpeas · 3 years

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for the fic ask game, notes from a golden fiddle

oh this would be a multi-chapter au project i don’t intend to spend too much time on but then end up selling my entire soul to it. as a kid i loved the entire niche trope of “magic/cursed violin” stories and honestly i still do - i love the violin and i love the idea of an instrument either haunted or cursed.

so yeah, we’re going with a musician au and there will be a haunted violin and i guess it will be golden? or maybe the golden element is not literal. many things to consider. as for who plays this haunted violin… maybe techno? maybe we will go with an eldest daughter syndrome techno protagonist again, but we will give him some gifted child traits too. as for the rest of sbi, we’re going dysfunctional family dynamics of course, so let’s say… gifted child twins, wilbur and techno having a competitive childhood that leads to them emotionally (and perhaps literally) separating as they grow up. i think wilbur and techno will not be phil’s actual children because i don’t think he’d foster an environment where they’d end up in a situation as bad as this. i also don’t like bad parent phil, just dysfunctional but healable family dynamics.

so Phil could be a teacher working at the prestigious music academy techno attends - NO. THE ONE WILBUR WENT TOO. OH. OH GUYS. we need someone to haunt the violin. and it is called NOTES from a golden fiddle, isn’t it? that can mean notes as in song and notes as in communication. techno communicating with his estranged (and now magically cursed and/or slightly dead) twin via violin.

i’m cutting myself off here before i get more invested. i’m not even thinking about tommy. (he’s a younger student at the same academy wilbur attended and they were very close so now tommy helps techno try to figure out what happened to wilbur and what the fuck is up with his violin.)

oh anon what have you done

[ send me a made up fic title and i’ll tell you what i’d write to go with it! and maybe also ruin my own life by coming up with my new favorite fic idea! ]

#ask box #anon #fic title ask game #Oh No

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literaphobe · 4 years

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my 4 she ra fics as siblings in a family:

does she-ra hit different: Eldest Daughter. sure ur the first born, but are you the most loved? don’t you just feel like your mother had you before she was ready? you do everything you can to be the perfect child that she needs but it never feels like enough. you know it, she knows it. she tells you ‘good job’ but she doesn’t mean it. you wish she would mean it. you’re doing your best and your best is objectively amazing. but she isn’t proud of you. not the way you want her to be

five nothing kisses... unless?: Golden Child syndrome. you were the Gifted Kid. mother was so proud of you, you were all she could talk about at first. she never talked about you as a person though. just your achievements. it still felt good in the beginning, albeit stilted and wrong. but perhaps doing so well so early on was your downfall. she wanted stars for which you could never reach. the stars keep rising. she keeps pushing them higher. your arms aren’t getting any longer. you’re running out of energy to jump, but she wants you to fly

you can leave the fursuit on: mother believed in you so much until push came to shove and she realized you were miles short of where your siblings are. you will never be as good as them, you’re far from good, according to her. she’s lost all hope in you. she never has anything nice to say to you anymore. you claim that you are well liked, that you are the talk of the town. isn’t that enough? is that not an achievement? everyone loves you but they just refuse to admit it because you are different. unsavory even. shameful. you can’t shake this feeling that she agrees. your own mother cannot look at you without this face of remorse. you never stop being confused. why would she bring a child into this world only to look at it with such disdain? rumor has it you’re an accident

why would you ever kiss me?: ‘a parent loves all their children equally.’ your siblings scoff at this. it’s like a big joke, an open secret. you are the Favorite Child. you’re not sure you want to be, though. it feels fleeting, it feels conditional. why are you the favorite? it’s not because of anything permanent. mother loves you because of the pride you bring her and nothing else. she’s getting greedier. your mother wants you to be more than just her child. she’s already started to raise her expectations. they keep growing. you fear the day you stop being able to keep up

#MKFKSKDKDKDKDKDKDK SORRY #I JUST. BEEN LAUGHING AT THE ABSURDITY OF THIS POST THAT I JUST HAD TO MAKE #TAG URSELVES JFDJDJJDJJDJDJD #fnku #wykm #can already HERE APSA LAUGHING #michelle stop making everything into a personality quiz challenge #Jjdjsjdjdjdjdjdj #replies

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madamhatter · 3 years

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reminiscentsky inquired: meta/hcs/drabble request - first I went through your headcanon tag but I didn't manage it til the end yet, so if you already wrote about it then that's completely fine. I will try to send more in the next days. and second, I haven't read the book yet so if anything is described there, my apologies I don't know yet. as for the word request: family, especially family by blood vs found family. UNPROMPTED ASKS | ALWAYS WELCOMED | @reminiscentsky

Hey there, Lisa! Thank you for sendin’ this in. It’s completely a’ight and I appreciate you reading through the headcanons (There is a lot and I’m really sorry, I just can’t shut up). By all means, anything you can send is great since any theme and word can lead to so many write-ups. Even a simple word like “red” could have several different headcanons, drabbles, and metas written around it for a character. It’s all about how the receiver interprets it–!

Preface: I am going to be generalize “by blood” family to first-determined family. This is directly acknowledging family situations that do not have all blood-relations, but are considered the “first” family the child is conditioned into. After all, Sophie isn’t from a nuclear family situation with a stepmother and half-sister. And also she’s technically the ‘mom’ since she raised Lettie and Martha and even her stepmom acknowledges that, don’t @ me.

FAMILY. Howl’s Moving Castle is a novel following fairy tale tropes and creating subversions, if not adding realistic reactions, for those who live in those tropes would face. While we may find Ingary to be a world that is capable of having so much magic and remarkable things in it from Seven League Boots to Cloaks of Invisibility, it is still very much a world full of monotonous, if not limiting, things that exist and happen.

One of those “monotonous” things happens to be the life of Sophie Hatter. While the book directly states that the evil stepmother trope is not all applicable to the Hatters, and how the evil/ugly stepsisters trope is far from applicable to the older Hatter daughters, there is a very apparent truth about the family arrangement that fits and happens too commonly in our world. At its basis, it is the case of "eldest daughter syndrome” for Sophie.

But, there’s more at the root of Howl’s Moving Castle. This novel explores family structure, family issues, and the impacts of lacking expectations, support, and stability has onto a young woman. (NOTE: I am including neglect and trauma here because of HMC’s implications and how we’re led up to the mindset and rationalizations of beginning Sophie in the novel, which is very unhealthy/concerning). What happens in this situation is the creation of someone who lives a purposeless life and focuses on the lives and successes of those around her to make herself experience something. She isn’t even being at all materialistic about it -- goodness, the woman just WANTS, an innocent desire, and that is something she knows she can’t ever have.

This can also be applicable for Howl, but his version of the story follows the opposite of what Sophie deals with. In his case, he is the youngest son who has been in a world where stability and expectations fell on him (e.g., he is a doctoral student, an uncle, etc.). His structure is intact and pressure is placed on him. Much like Sophie, there is a dread of unfulfillment and desire that he finds in his life, but unlike her, he happens to do something (hence why he is another world rather than Wales -- read into that and interpret that as you will).

Both are in roles that do not satisfy and help realize themselves. Sophie makes her role, which is detrimental to her own emotional and mental development. Howl breaks his role, but makes a role for himself, which still doesn’t make him happy. Because, for both, there are still missing elements they need to discover or realize about themselves -- be it through self-awakening or making bonds.

Family, which can be extended now to society and their norms, is an place of origin for most what most begin their socialization, development, and understanding of who they are in context to the world around them. And, in many cases, first-made family is not idealistic and is not a healthy environment for growth and discovery. They can be toxic, harmful, and traumatic, purposefully or unknowingly, for the impressionable minds by the adults who are preparing for the “real” world and how these individuals are expected to be and expected to do.

Sophie was prevented to participate in that “real” world because she was, essentially, not given any purpose or anything that made her feel qualified or worth living (originally). Instead, she made herself a role that is participating in her family’s world that she could be accepted in -- one where she had to do everything because no one else would, and also, it was a remedy (albeit a terrible one) to combat what she was feeling on the inside. So much of her upbringing informs us of her character and how she sees herself -- as an unremarkable person with nothing out there for her.

Intentionally or not, as mentioned before, Sophie’s family has taken advantage of this and didn’t raise Sophie to see herself on the same level as her peers (or even help her be aware of her capabilities). Personally, I do view the Hatter’s situation having started as unintentional. However, it was something comfortable to do (rely on Sophie as if she were an adult) and they continued doing it. More to my characterization, I do believe there IS awareness, hence Martha’s outburst at the beginning of the story -- her opinion on the matter, albeit skewed, still has grounds because she isn’t an outsider. She is someone who was raised and living in the household.

Returning to my point, this buffer is essentially a destruction towards Sophie’s potential and self. It can be seen as both self-destructive by Sophie (she believes the next best course of action is to assure her sisters’ happiness and success) and created by her family (mainly, adults) to benefit what they want.

Despite that, Howl’s Moving Castle knows that one of her greatest gifts is something she already does for a living: creation. Sophie already creates; she always created hats and outfits, being so advanced at her age that she never needed an apprenticeship to hone her skills. Her products are well sought for, even excluding the magic she accidentally imbues in them. But, her power by hands is also her actual magic (not that everything she says comes true/able to create truths/etc.) Particularly, it is the tenacity and choice to create herself to whoever she wants to be and what she can do.

The problem is that her origins made her believe to be herself incapable of anything and that misfortune was her plotted end. There was no point resisting even if she tried to as a child. Yet, it was that moment when disruption came and she found herself being given a chance to leave, she created her own journey. Though, it was originally to get her curse removed and return to her sisters, she took the first step for more.

She ends up finding herself exploring an avenues of herself that are rarely touched upon or even acknowledged by others. That, of course, changes when in contact with Calcifer, Michael, and Howl. While she might’ve crashed into the castle, dubbed herself the ‘help,’ it was the beginning of her creating herself in a place where she wasn’t restricted or made to believe poorly on herself.

In the end, she made her family. A family that she knows that is a group of those who are as out of place in this world (or the other world) because of matters out of their control. She makes a family when she decides that she could live happily ever after, a complete contrast to what she originally believed herself for. This family, now different from the one before, is the start of being her feeling found, but also continuing her self-discovery.

And, Sophie Hatter could not be any happier creating her new life.

#( checkbooks inquiries and much ; answered asks )#( in which we learn about the eldest ; headcanons )#reminiscentsky #[ HOOOOOOOOOOOO. this is a late one and you can tell how old it is bc of banners. ]#[ so the portion above the break was when this was first saved. all the stuff under? now writen. ]#long post tw #long post #[ EDIT: made edits for clarity ! ]

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theewrites-tf2 · 4 years

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(Kudos to @teamfortressaswell for the idea, OC REVIVAL FOR 2020!!!)

OC information of Theewrites, ENJOY Y’ALL!

WARNING: LONG, LOOOOOONG POST AHEAD! (And I info-dump alot, so be prepared for some heavy reading material)

(Also, not all of these backstories/OC canon’s are set in stone, and i’m still doing research on their respective characterizations/lifestyles/ect. they’re still in the editing/drafting process, but these are the basics of some of my older OC’s that you may know… and some of my NEW Oc’s that you may NOT know…. Yet, Mwhahaha!)

Regine: Eldest abandoned & disowned daughter of the RED Spy. Born in Marseilles, France, Parisian-raised until five years of age. Vanished suddenly for nearly a decade, resurfaced in Japan as an assassin prodigy at fifteen. Is totally not soft on her half-siblings, but is totally soft on her half-siblings. Cool, regal and calculated, plans to have the world in the palm of her hand before she hits 30. Long-time girlfriend of Matthias, identifies as pan. Has lost her temper one (1) time in her lifetime, immediately went to reapply lipstick afterwards like nothing happened. Definitely has night-terrors about her childhood, doesn’t discuss them with Matthias, and absolutely takes those nightmares to the grave.

Matthias: Unauthorized clone of the RED Medic, is physically near-identical to him with only minor changes and a stark age-reduction. Has considered bleaching/dying his hair to look more different than his predecessor. Expert in human biology and chemistry, experimented with his own blood cells so to transform them into a more… internal version of the components of the Medi-Gun, so as not to carry around clunky equipment. Is the low-key tired dad of the group. Probably designate roadtrips with the squad and immediately regrets it. Romantic-dork for his girl, Best Supporting Boyfriend 197X.

Emma: Daughter of Ex-MannCo employee, Julia V. Henry and [REDACTED]. Legal goddaughter of Dell Congher. Child-genius, though deep-seated anger issues since childhood, potentially as a behavior coping tragedy. Built her first plane with her bare hands at twelve, can dismantle and rebuild a shotgun in exactly 63 seconds. Doesn’t wear helmets on motorcycle. Feels happiest flying in the air, alone. Absolutely, 100% adores kids, and will never admit it. Can’t go more than a minute without cursing. Also, though not information she shares immediately, she’s an elder twin. And she doesn’t like talking about it, so it’s best not to push her luck on the details.

Lui: Ultimate flower/pastel lesbian. Fluent in Japanese and English, though prefers her mother’s language, Hawaiian. Brings snacks to battle, often rehearses her battle catchphrases the night before. Makes friends with every animal she meets, owns a duck named Bartholomew. Reads teen fashion magazines, draws hearts around models she crushes on. Almost everything she owns has pink, no matter what shade, including her rocket launcher. Shares Emma’s love of the sky, is basically Emma’s favorite person. Infectious genuine smile, and will sing along to every new bop on the radio.

Tamela: The eldest out of the entire group, born in Nigeria, doesn’t know her parents. Considers her squad her family, Emma and Lui are her baby sisters, who can MORE than handle themselves but she still worries. Was gifted with abilities of fire-manipulation/telekinesis and heat resistance at a young age. Entire body, from knuckles to toes, is covered in jet-black flame tattoos. Demisexual, has not been in a romantic relationship as of yet, likely to change. Improvo leader, often first into battle and last to leave. Looks imposing and intense at first glance, is actually very warm (haha) and friendly personality-wise, but has a serious streak from having to grow up quickly.

Denny: Mute from birth, youngest of the group. Has never missed a shot in his life, expert target-shooter and excellent sniping protege. Definitely idolizes Annie Oakley, dressed up as her one year for Halloween. Often corrects Emma’s sign-language, but appreciates her efforts. Like Tamela, see’s the group as his family, sticking together through thick and thin. Likes to hike, but also enjoys reading, keeping a raggy, decades-old copy of Sherlock Holmes in his knapsack, right next to his additional ammo.

Ricardo: Born Rosetta, the youngest of a fairly well-off hotel-chain family business throughout Tijuana, Mexico. Was often the forgotten one and left to his own devices, so he practiced running, dreaming of being an Olympic runner. Became Ricardo at 15, traveled to the US a year later. A bit boastful and chatty, though is often last to get a joke. Had a crush on Lui for sometime, before reconnecting with an old schoolmate, Maria, who he plans to move back to Mexico with after his job is done. Hasn’t given up on the dreams of the Olympics, often wakes up long before the sun rises to run laps around.

Sigríður Anja Dis Jóhannsson, or just Sig: Operational MannCo. Shipment Specialist Expert, has been on the payroll for only the last decade, but has become invaluable with the knowledge she has. Born in Iceland, has traveled the world on specialized shipment and cargo missions, even in more dangerous missions and item-requests. Has had to play poker for her own life, more than once. Single and childless, though she took care of her half-sisters children when she died suddenly, her niece and nephews now all grown up and located elsewhere. Sig is happy to travel alone on the open seas, though she’s had more than a fair amount of lovers around the world, men and women alike. Looks forward to retirement, hopefully with someone more long-term whose also ready to lean back, put away the balisong and let the kids take care of the damn gravel pit…

Jonathan Marks: Born Jane to wealthy stockbroker located in Manhattan, Jonathan is the promising CEO of Marks Enterprises, an international trading and environmental-studies. As the youngest CEO of his company, he’s expressing interest to making big changes, including looking into MannCo, hoping to form a co-ownership or eventually takeover, mostly for the sake of his own company, but the fact that MannCo seems to have a few secrets in the closet that seem suspicious… Jonathan knows Regine from childhood, as they both attended the same private school in Japan, prior to Jonathan’s transition. Very book-smart, often tries to lead by example, he’s persistent with getting a meeting with representatives of MannCo, growing more suspicious as time goes on with dodged replies, forcing him to contact a current employee for an opportunity of a private tour of their facilities, one Miss. Binyamin-M’laney

Angelita de los Reyes: Second-generation of Cuban immigrants, Angelita was considered one of the kindest, sweetest people while in school in New Jersey, unfortunately, her studies were often halted as she suffers from CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) leaving her exhausted before noon often times, though she managed to graduate with a specialty in painting. Though she turned mostly house-ridden after high school, she honestly enjoys spending her day painting and creating art to decorate the family-restaurant downstairs, and also sending her artwork to commissioners all over the state. It also gives her time to send plenty of letters to one of her oldest and closest friends from high-school. He was VERY much higher than her in energy, and could literally run blocks in minutes, but they practically grew up together, at least until he moved to New Mexico for work… Though, strangely enough, Angelita doesn’t get much information about Eric’s company Builders League United, even though he has a whole CONTRACT with them… Hm. How odd.

Sarai Binyamin-M’laney: Born in Tel Aviv as a Mizrahi Jewish woman, her parents sent her to vacation in California when she was six, in which they died suddenly, leaving her overseas with her relatives in Cambria, California. Book-smart and a lover of the beach and surfing, Sarai was popular throughout her younger years, especially with the ladies. Though she identified as bisexual, it wasn’t until she graduated college with a degree in human relations and psychology that she had her first, though admittedly short-lived relationship with an unnamed man in Vegas, returning to Cambria shortly after and finding out she was pregnant. A year later, Sarai suddenly expressed interest in the minute human-resources division in MannCo, relocating to New Mexico shortly after her employment. Quiet, smart and with a very private personal life, she was a perfect, though secretive employee, with a bit of a soft-heart, as seen with how concerned she is for her ‘niece’ and ‘nephew’ back in Cambria, and how quickly she snuck in Mr Marks into the private industries. Her personality, perhaps, is meant to be a more opposing to that of the father of her two children in Cambria. After all, though she lives mere miles from his work location, Sarai has yet to bring herself to walk over and face the red-suited mercenary over in the RED base, whom she still can’t help but remember from their time together in Vegas.

I told y’all it was long as hell, Also it alludes to my OC-canon, which is INSANELY long and i’d hate to waste more of y’alls time on my stuff Xp

Anyway, GO REVIVE THE OC COMMUNITY, PEOPLE HAVE SUCH AWESOME OC’S THAT NEED/DESERVE TO BE SHARED AROUND!!!

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couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name · 7 years

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I've been to Wildwood. The Jersey Shore is crazy in general but wildwood is next level. The board walk has like 200 of the same t-shirt store, feels like you're walking through the fires of hell, and is jam packed with kids on camp trips. I've only ever done the board walk there but I've seen the walk you have to take to get out to the beach, it's insane. I can only imagine what it's like with family. How old are your cousins and what are they like?

My family has literally been coming to Wildwood every year since, like, at LEAST the 1930’s, I’m not sure on anyone earlier than that, and my family is insane, so let’s dive into this.

The Main Characters In My Life On Vacation Are:

-My Grandmother, who was a child dancer star (she tapped on the radio!) who’s been coming down here her whole life- her parents used to come down the same day there would be a talent show, enter her in it, and then use her first prize reward for the money they’d spend throughout the week. Has been in the old person stage of “I’m an elder, who cares what I say or do” for the past 15 years. Has eight living kids and Too Many Descendants. Loud and refuses to admit she can’t walk half the time.

- My Mother, who gets confused very easily, overshares and breaks off into meaningless tangents in the middle of stories, snores like a literal demon, always wants to be asleep, keeps pushing for family activities, doesn’t realize all the kids think she’s lame.

- Me, who is always Extra Depressed in the summer months, and is the Sole Person In This Family My Age- everyone just stopped having babies for a few years when my mother decided to have me (Everyone is either over 25 or under 16). Because of this I’m usually confined to my room, unable to really do anything on the boardwalk because going on rides alone is depressing and my mother has heart problems. Just wants to read and write, but the children keep Screaming.

- My Aunt and Her Husband- A Very Loud Couple, she likes to control everything and he’s the only one who ever bothers to yell back at her. They always fight exactly once, every year, and every year somehow I always end up being the only other person in the apartment while its happening, so I just have to sit in awkward silence until my aunt finally huffs out “I can’t believe you’re doing this in front of my goddaughter!” and storms out to go find her kids. They make a lot of jokes and think their children are very dramatic.

- Jenna, the 14 year old cousin. Very dramatic. Mastered the art of the eye roll at a young age. Has literally looked like a mini model since she was born. Can’t be bothered to deal with anyone. We usually have one (1) tiny girl-bonding moment each vacation and then she promptly acts like she doesn’t care even though it’s clear she does. Athletic and artistic and musically/theatrically gifted. Very sarcastic. Always doing cartwheels.

- Seanie, the 12 year old cousin. Middle child syndrome. Tries to hard to be funny for attention. VERY dramatic. Will cry at the drop of a dime (I’m typing this and I literally just heard him burst into tears in the other room??). Super adorable, you can tell he’s gonna be one of those high school boys that pulls Ridiculous Shit but after one charming smile the teachers can’t bring themselves to stay mad. Very loud. Currently addicted to video game youtubers.

-Zack, the 7 year old cousin. Adorable. Loud. Lowkey a prodigy child but they can’t afford to get him into Special Schools so he’s always bored in class. Baby Of The Family syndrome. Currently in an aggressive pokemon phase. Doesn’t understand he’s literally a child, he acts like an old man half the time.

We’re all shoved into a small apartment for a week, but there are Others:

- Kathy, Grandmom’s second oldest. Literally the most bland person I have ever encountered on this planet. Very, very into trying to plan ‘fun’ family events. Thinks any conversation is a riveting conversation.

- Kathy’s husband, who is just a plain old guy who’s lowkey a hoarder and jokes around a lot, but every time someone mentions his past or his family it gets more and more confusing??? He may have a brother who was in the CIA??? He may have been homeless or he may have lived with his sister???? He may have killed a man???? I literally know nothing concrete about this man other than he’s apparently been with my aunt since they were teens but I. D. K. Every new piece of information I receive just scatters the puzzle more.

- Their eldest daughter and her husband spend most of the summer down here but always make sure to match up the schedule for when we come down. Loud, energetic couple. I have no idea what either of them do for work? They might currently be unemployed? Really into alcohol. At some point in the week every year, everyone in my apartment bonds together to diss them after we get back from the beach. Like, they’ll do something or another EVERY YEAR that sets EVERYONE off.

- The 16 year old. Tries to show everyone memes on his phone. Never really talks to people. Does NOT get along with his parents because he’s kinda an outlier in the family. I feel like he might be a stoner, but if I find out he’s got a hidden gun collection, I wouldn’t be surprised? That probably sounds awful but he’s a good kid I promise.

- Danny, 12. Adorable. Quiet. Mini golden boy. Makes jokes when you aren’t expecting them. Very resigned to the fact he has to hug me and my mother when he sees us.

- Kathy and Mystery Man’s youngest daughter, a librarian, and her stand up comedian husband, and now their three month old who is ADORABLE and everyone was surprised to learn they hadn’t named her Hermione.

Other recurring family members are prone to popping up throughout the vacation- Aunt Margie, Grandmom’s sister-in-law, who, I love her, but remember that chocolate episode of spongebob with the old woman that was essentially a stick in a wheelchair and had a chain smoker voice??? Put that in the tiniest bikini you can imagine and add a wheezing laugh and you got her. Her daughter who I could not recognize on a street if I tried. Her son Michael, who is best friends with my mom and apparently Not Gay (no one’s really convinced). A step-cousin sometimes pops by, she’s very breezy and easy-going and you can’t distinguish her Actual Talking Voice with her Talking To Little Kids Voice.

Anyway, Wildwood itself is just. Goddamn ridiculous.

The aesthetic of this place is somewhere between the 1950’s, a trailer park, and the kind of developed land you get when a moustache-twirling man wants to convince all the old people he can to retire to his buildings. Some buildings are harsh metal, and others are bright pastels, but the only thing joining them together is the fact that it looks like no one has cleaned anything here in years. EVERYTHING, even the knew stuff, looks worn and faded. Even like…the AIR is faded. It’s not just the sun being too bright, everything you’re looking at looks like it’s an old photograph. If you stay too long, you might start to fade into the landscape yourself.

I have never once seen an animal that wasn’t a seagull here. Most towns, islands, places, whatever- you usually have at least squirrels running around, maybe some variations of birds, just. ANYTHING. But it’s all seagulls all the time. You cannot exist in a spot for longer than a few moments without one of them dive bombing you. They are not mere birds. They are feathered demons that Hath No Fear Of The Foolish Mortals Of Mankind.

The song “Wildwood Days” plays on the Boardwalk every half hour. It is the only way to appease the spirits. It’s the modern, New Jersey-ian version of painting lamb blood over your door frame. As much as I’ve grown to hate the song, to twitch and clench my fist at each note, I deeply fear for the day the song doesn’t play on time and the curse is unleashed. I have a deep, sinking feeling that this moment will come within my life time.

If You Don’t Stop To Watch The Fireworks, Your Bones Shall Never Be Found.

You hear the ongoing chant of “Watch the Tram Car, Please!”, and look around, but there isn’t a Tram Car coming. The order grows louder and louder. You realize you aren’t even on the Boardwalk any more. The sound is right behind you, but you can’t find the source. “Watch the Tram Car, Please!” you realize, to your horror, the sound is now coming from inside you. You never find your true voice again.

Despite The Fact That This Place Is A Mosh Pit Of Families From All Over The World, If You Can’t Immediately Place My Accent Or Figure Out What Language I’m Speaking, I Have Legal Grounds To Kill You.

The sand simply isn’t normal. It’s ADVANCED sand. It doesn’t make sense. It never truly washes off. The more you scrub, the more appears.

Ancient gods from multiple pantheons like to chill out on the beach, have a few beers. You never know for sure who is who, but you Know they aren’t the same as you, and you know they know more about you than you’re comfortable with. For your own sake, NEVER ask them to turn their music down.

There is always at least one plane flying over with a sign reading “Jen, will you marry Sean?”. It’s been decades. Will Jen ever say yes?

Elevators Are For The Weak And We Use Them To Judge Who To Do Away With First.

The ocean goes back and forth between green and grey, and you know the color makes a significant difference but you can never quite put your finger on what.

Fish Are Fake.

All the stores sell everything you want, but nothing you need.

King Kong Is Our Fierce Protector, Loving Hero, And Just Enforcer

All the police officers and firemen and general ‘in charge’ jobs seemed to be run completely by 18 years olds

No one truly knows who pulls the shots when it comes to deciding the Boardwalks style each year. Every store sells the same Designated Style, and each year they make less and less sense. You buy a specialized hoodie anyway, and you have no idea why.

I could keep going on with that list, but the point is, Wildwood is a Strange Place and I have a Ridiculous Family, so every year is always a bit of an experience.

Like, no one in my family really has anything in common other than everyone’s always loud and everyone’s always right and everyone is always ready to loudly fight over the fact that they’re definitely right, but like. Imagine crawling through some Hillbilly Murder Showers in the garage of a condo, using all of your force to pry open a suspiciously heavy and questionably mechanized door, walking under the boardwalk and trekking over sand dunes just to find a bunch of screaming yet physically relaxed people under the flag for Montserrat. Some guy’s cracking stand up jokes while no less than three children are fighting each other, your mother is promising for the 14th year in a row that you’re gonna go on a whale watching trip and everyone knows she’s lying, some woman’s trying to hold a conversation about buying applesauce in bulk while her husband and children get drunk, there’s a skinny pale guy with horrible sunburn blasting songs from N.W.A., a girl’s cartwheeling around the site to the point you think she doesn’t know how to move any other way, a boy’s quietly drinking pickle juice, there’s a 7 year old literally trapped in a giant hole that he dug, your mother is snoring loud enough to alarm the people around you, and just when you’re starting to get a little comfortable about the feathered demons and start to relax, a tide comes in so strongly your chair literally starts getting pulled out to sea with you in in. It’s average. It's fading into the landscape with the rest of the place.

#I was gonna make this Funnier and go into more specifics about my family but im literally about to pass out so night #wildwood #family #vacation #molly's memories #asks #molly mumbles

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frogsandfries · 5 years

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To follow that up

I'm over here getting all angsty because my sister is isolating my nieces, treating them like dollies, trying to convince them never to leave her side and she doesn't want them to go to school, and I'm on tenterhooks to call CPS because I think there's a million and seven ways she's treating my nieces poorly and she's just not being a parent and as soon as possible, I want those girls to know better and be treated better. More than that, I want my sister to get help.

The fucked up thing about mental health is, if you don't think there's anything wrong with you, no one can force you to get help. The best example of this that I know of is narcissism. A narcissist doesn't see anything wrong with the way they have to be the center of everything; they think it's fine to treat people like servants and use them the way they see fit. I see a facet of our womb donor in each of us: The self-isolation and narcissism, at least/ especially about having children, in her; the entitlement to take what you want in my brother. I look like her, and I have excuses for everything even when I'm asking myself why I'm making an excuse, and Ihave trouble keeping a job. My younger sister, I don't know yet. Maybe she's actually the only one who takes most after our dad.

My friend asked me if I think my sister might take my parental advice if I was a parent. For a split second, I thought she might, but honestly, my sister would think I was copying her by having a baby at all, and beyond that, she would think she knows better how to raise my child than I do because she took classes (but somehow can't refer to these classes when half-assedly trying to potty train her daughters) and she's been a parent for three years, and she's been a parent of two for two years. And even if I'm frivolous about it and get pregnant from some random fling or FwB, which is the only way I see myself getting pregnant before she has too much of a headstart over me, she'll only become more and more convinced that I'm copying as time passes. She'll only become more and more convinced that she's better than me as time passes. Obviously, while I was off alone with my aunt and cousins, being the physically youngest child (my severely autistic cousin is definitely mentally younger), being the second born, she took over the mantle of eldest when they were all in foster care together. It definitely fucked up our family dynamics in a way.

At the same time, she's always had middle child syndrome. She couldn't beat me academically and let her reading disability get in her way. I think the heavy focus on tackling her speech impediment first was a poor move, but as a kid, I obviously had no idea and there's nothing I could've said. She's also suffered a lot with feeling neglected and unloved by her parents, leading her to seek love from boyfriends, starting in third grade.

My friend obviously wants her child to maintain her innocence as long as possible, and wouldn't let her "date" in third grade. On the one hand, I can agree. On the other, I think these little pretend relationships can have a lot of benefit. I think, if a parent offers a lot of guidance, a child can learn that it's natural for relationships to come and go. It can offer the child very innocent ways to learn about different kinds of people and what kind kid person they do and do not like to be around and what kinds of behavior to tolerate and reject. If you learn young to put yourself first in a healthy way, you can learn to sidestep a lot of damage when you start exploring your sexuality.

Obviously my sister didn't get any of that kind of guidance. She did it "secretively"; she knew our dad didn't approve, but he couldn't stop us going to school or hanging out with friends. She somehow got these boys to give her gifts, which has definitely led to some unhealthy behaviors.

Honestly, I can't contact CPS before my elder niece is even old enough to go to school, so that's really frustrating. On the other hand, it should offer even the tiniest bit of hope: It gives me two or three years to get my life on track and save the money, if I need, to get a stable housing situation under me. Or, or gives her two or three years to come to grips that she has mental health issues that demand more than some happy pills, and that it's cruel to keep her children tied to her, to keep them from an education and being social and forming bonds with other people.

I think my sister is bringing her daughters down with her on a folie a deux, and I'm scared about getting my shit together in time. I lived with my aunt from first to third grade, and even though that's definitely when I developed a lot of my core behaviors, my dad was also definitely a strong influence on me. I hope I could be either one for my nieces. I would embrace my sister taking her mental health in hand enough to take her daughters back, if things go that way.

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glennlovell · 7 years

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My Tragedy to Triumph Story

I recently watched a video online about the adversity and tragedy that Keanu Reeves has gone through in his life, yet despite all of it how he’s gone on to achieve massive success and is one of the biggest charitable stars in Hollywood. Now I’m sure he doesn’t act the victim with any of this stuff himself, the creators of this video were merely using his story as an example of how you can still succeed even in the face of adversity…

Here’s what the video said…

Tragedy to triumph the Keanu Reeves Story.

He was three years old when his father left. After his parents divorced they moved from City to City. He attended 4 different high Schools and struggled with Dyslexia. He eventually left without a diploma. His ‘struggles’ continued. At the age of 23 he lost his best friend to a drug overdose. Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse, his girlfriend gave birth to their daughter who was stillborn. Due to the grief of losing their daughter, they split up, 18 months later she died in a car accident. Despite all of the tragedies, Keanu kept pushing forward. He went on to dominate the box office with the film The Matrix. But probably the most important of all, he is known as one of the most charitable in Hollywood. At one point he gave £80 million of his £114 million earnings from the Matrix to the film crew. With all the tragedy he has dealt with, Keanu still decides to make this world a better place by caring and giving. So the question to you is, how are you going to respond to what life throws at you?

This got me thinking, thinking about my own life and the adversity I’ve endured specifically during my childhood but also in later years during my business life that led to success, but more importantly all that I witnessed my mother go through. The strength she’s had to somehow maintain throughout her life, to continue on, to grow and somehow learn something, anything at all from everything she suffered. To try understand and make some semblance of sense out of it all. By sharing my story with you my hope is to pass on some valuable life lessons to you in the process.

Here’s my tragedy to triumph story.

It starts with the cliché of my Dad leaving when I was a year old. Cliché maybe, but it’s true none the less. I was brought up living in various council estates and before I reached secondary School we had lived in eight different council flats across the City. I moved Schools five times before we eventually settled in the house I grew up in as a teenager. By that time my initial education was fucked and I walked into secondary School without even knowing my times tables. I’m by no means blaming my Mother for this because ultimately a lot of what happened was dictated by the circumstances she found herself in.

We lived in a very humble environment of council housing, even though I can’t say I ever felt like we went without, my parents struggled financially most of my life but somehow managed to feed and clothe us and always do us proud at Christmas and Birthday’s, BUT at a massive cost of huge debt to themselves.

I’m the eldest brother of seven immediate related siblings, let me explain. Lee, my first brother was born four years after me to another father. A man who was violent and used to beat my mother up. I have very vague memories of these events as I was still young at the time, but I do recall various incidents when he was aggressive with her and somehow those occasions have left an indelible mark upon me that has ensured I have never hurt or hit a woman in my life.

Although, I’m sure this has more to do with my mother’s stern vociferous education in how to treat a woman, in that ‘if I ever hit or hurt one I would have her to deal with!’, a threat that loomed large when I was younger, I can assure you. I am hugely grateful for this as an adult now though, as witnessing these acts of domestic violence could’ve quite easily had the opposite effect on me as it has with so many others.

Fast forward a few years and my mother had met another man who she has remained with ever since. A kind, generous and as giving a man as you’re ever likely to meet. They had their first son together, Andrew.

Andrew was only a few months old when tragedy struck. My brother Lee was knocked down and killed by a car whilst he was playing outside our flat when he was just four years old. Please understand, it was a different time then, it wasn’t uncommon for young children to be playing outside by themselves. I was eight years of age and I witnessed him lying in the road, blood pouring from his head. This is an image that will never leave me. Lee wasn’t killed instantly, he died in transit on the way to the hospital. The impact of the car had broken his ribs which punctured his lungs and he succumbed to these injuries by drowning in his own blood. Andrew, was merely a few months old when this happened so he never really got to meet Lee.

The loss of Lee had a massive impact on me and my life. He was my brother. My best friend. We played together all the time. Now he was gone and I couldn’t really comprehend or fully understand why at the time. My final - and has since become - repetitive memory of him is of us both waiting in the car one day, whilst our Mum was in the Dr’s surgery and we had a fight over a ball. I hurt him and made him cry and the feeling of guilt from this has lived with me ever since. I know we were kids and it’s what’s brothers do, but it still doesn’t change the fact that that’s remained my most prominent memory of my time with him.

Rightly or wrongly as I’m still unsure after all these years, I visited him in the chapel of rest prior to his funeral to see him off and say our goodbyes. I remember looking at him and hoping he would simply wake up. As an eight year old boy, to me, he looked like he was sleeping and he could just wake up at any moment.

The funeral was horrific. I can recall it in great detail even now, but specifically because my Mum broke down as they were lowering his coffin into the grave. She fell to her knees and was trying to claw her way to the grave to stop the coffin, whilst family members held her back. It was as if she didn’t believe he was dead and wanted to open the casket and he’ll be in there somehow alive still. This memory destroys me as I write and makes me cry even thinking about it. The hopelessness of not being able to do anything to help my Mum. Even at such a young age I felt somehow responsible and wanted to take my Mums pain away.

A couple years later my next sibling, Katie was born. My first sister.

For some reason my mother always harbored a yearning for two boys and two girls, so they tried for another baby not long after having Katie and her desire was fulfilled as she gave birth to another girl, Gemma.

She was set; two boys, two girls notwithstanding losing Lee of course. But little did we realise the joy of this baby was to be very short lived, as Gemma died of cot death two weeks following birth. I can vividly remember my step-dad almost falling down the stairs whilst clutching her in his arms as he was frantically trying to get help for her.

Not too long after grieving for the loss of Gemma, and I can only assume my Mum wanted to fill the void of that loss as quickly as she could, she decided to try again. This time she was carrying a boy. All was going well during the pregnancy until within an hour before he was due to be born, Guy which he was named, was stillborn.

Back to back, two of my mothers babies, taken from her with a combined eighteen months of pregnancy, and the gap of trying to conceive in-between of course. Not forgetting losing her second son, my brother Lee, to the car accident years before, this was now three of six children my Mum gave birth to all died under completely different but extremely heartbreaking circumstances and within a window of approximately eight years.

A shocking chain of events is an understatement. It beggars belief doesn’t it?

You would be quite right and forgiven for thinking that all of this should’ve been enough for her. That enough was enough right? No more trying for anymore Children. The pain is too raw. To my mind, how the hell could anyone endure so much pain and suffering, yet potentially put themselves through it all over again.

But that’s exactly what she did, she wouldn’t give in or quit. She still wanted her two boys and two girls. She fell pregnant and again her wish was granted, she had another daughter, Samantha.

Samantha was born with Down Syndrome!

Sammy Lou as we affectionately called her had many complications at birth, from hole’s in her heart to the tubes of her heart needing repair as is a very common occurrence with children born with Trisomy 21.

Now I’m sure you’re reading all this in disbelief and shock and probably feeling very sorry for my mother right about now. All those losses of children to emotionally contend with and now the ‘burden’ of a child born with Down Syndrome. Please don’t though. Sammy was an absolute blessing more than anything else, as she brought an amazing sense of balance and purpose to my Mum and Dad’s life.

Not that any of the other children could be replaced of course, but Sammy was a gift for my Mum and she certainly become an antidote to her grief and in a small way filled the void of her losses. She was a light to be around and could sense when any of us weren’t feeling yourself or if we were upset. She would sit and lay into my chest to comfort me as if she knew what I needed when I needed it the most.

My fondest memories of Sam is when she would lay on me when she was very young and I would sing into her ear, she loved it as much as I did doing it. Her favourite song for me to sing to her was Metallica’s Enter Sandman. It always helped me forget and ease the troubles of my day away. She had that magic effect on me and everyone she came into contact with.

Like a proverbial kick in the teeth, and I’m sure you’re not going to believe this next sentence, but we’ve since lost Sammy too. She lived until she was twenty one, but eventually succumbed to heart complications associated with her conditions at birth. That being said, she died a lot earlier than we expected.

In her few short years she lived a wonderfully fulfilled and fully loved life. As much as it’s painful to think about her, I am grateful for the time I got to share with her. The memories I have can never be taken. Her warmth and love was unquestioning, unconditional and without judgement. It’s a love you can never fully understand until you have a child with Down Syndrome in your life. Of which I too also have myself now, but more on him later.

For now, I want you to understand that this is the adversity I lived through as an eldest son and brother. Spectating, enduring and living a part of these individually horrific ordeals throughout my entire upbringing. Witnessing firsthand the feelings of huge grief surrounding circumstances of trauma, loss, pain and suffering of my mother losing four of her children, each one a brother and sister to me.

As a father myself now and knowing the huge depth of love you feel for your own children, when I take the time to think about all of this I literally cannot fathom the scale and enormity of the loss that my mother endured in her one and only lifetime.

If just one of these deaths and I mean literally just ONE of these child loses were to occur to any parent I’m sure it would be enough to crush them, but to lose four of your Children, each one carried in your womb for nine months, is quite simply devastating beyond comprehension and belief and makes you question the very meaning of faith; faith in a god, faith in a higher power and of all things ‘happening for a reason’. Because what possible reason did this one lady, my mother need to be put through all of that pain and suffering for? What lesson was she and all of us supposed to learn from it?

Even though I lived each moment of this with my parents and the deep profound impact I know it’s had on me and my personality, I know I can never fully comprehend my mothers pain and sorrow and what it would do to me if it was anyone of my Children.

But throughout all of that pain and suffering that it’s caused her over the years and the huge emotional grief and mental scars it’s left, she still stands tall after enduring everything. She was and is still available to anyone of us, at any time, day or night even through some of her own recent illness’s, she listens intently and when shit hits the fan, she offers advice as best she knows how and has never, never rightly or wrongly sought any form of counseling throughout any of it. Now that’s strength of character!

And yet somehow none of this has broken her. She’s still quietly standing after all these years and has raised the bar for the rest of us when it comes to strength under adversity and dealing with whatever the fuck life throws at us; quite simply we don’t fold, we don’t give in, we keep moving forward, because that’s how life is. As far as I’m concerned, she’s a fucking hero.

So let me put that earlier question to you again here, how are you going to respond to what life throws at you? When life gets tough. When life takes a turn and throws a huge fucking curveball in your direction and turn’s your world upside down, because I can guarantee that it’s going to one way or another, it always does or if it already has and you’re struggling to pull yourself back from it, will you let it be the breaking of you or the fucking making of you?

I can only hope that this story, my mothers story will give you some sense of perspective, that anything you might be going through right now, may not be as bad as you think. It may not be as bad as what you’ve just read. If so, you can call upon my little story, maybe in your hour of need and hopefully in some small way it helps you in your moment of grief. Or even if you are going through something just as traumatic in your life right now, let this be a reminder that you’re not alone. There’s others you can confide in. Others who have endured huge suffering and come out the other side. My hope is that one day, maybe one day someone will say to themselves and it may well be you, ‘what would Debbie do’?

Because you’ve got to keep moving forward. Everyday. Moving forward. You’ve got to find a way. Take each day as it comes. Regardless of the pain and suffering, light does, eventually always finds a way.

As the Winston Churchill quote says, ‘if you’re going through hell, keep going’

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