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copperbadge · 3 months

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hi, i had a medium to big question. in your post about the adhd self-help book you mentioned people with adhd being conditioned to be nonconfrontational, but i've never once in my entire life connected the two? can you break down the connection for me so that i can once again (this week, even) have my understanding of my own condition blown wide open?

So, you are not the only person to ask about this, but that's on me for being unclear -- I wasn't trying to assert that kids with ADHD are automatically conditioned to be nonconfrontational, I was more trying to be like "Hey not everyone needs lessons in medical self-advocacy but a lot of nonconfrontational people do." And I think there is a higher population of people with neurodivergence who are deeply confrontation-averse, but I don't have like, numbers for that, it's just an assumption based on other knowledge.

It gets complicated; ADHD is a disease based heavily in acting impulsively against your best interests. But yeah I do think people with ADHD are often conditioned to avoid confrontation because of two main factors: rejection-sensitive dysphoria and executive dysfunction.

RSD, which I hate perhaps more than any other symptom or behavior associated with ADHD, automatically kicks our nervous system into high gear in social situations and encodes embarrassing moments in our memory with high-def clarity. Because RSD naturally causes a level of anxiety around socialization, it tends to make us nonconfrontational simply because a) we don't want to be yelled at, b) we don't want to embarrass ourselves by getting emotional about something that may not warrant it, and c) by the time we realize what's happening our body is already on high alert which means we are likely to go into fight-flight-freeze mode.

Me, I freeze, usually, but none of those three options are great for fast thinking during an argument. I used to lose arguments a lot simply because I couldn't think or react as fast as the neurotypical person I was fighting with, so I simply stopped having fights. Notably, I did not have this problem when fighting with my brother, who is also neurodivergent and has many of the same freeze reactions I do.

If people disagree with me, even when I know I'm right I also know I probably won't be able to vocalize it properly, so I back down. Usually it's trivial so it doesn't matter, and I've gotten strategic about how and when I argue about things that do matter; it's also a lot easier to do with strangers or professionals (like doctors) where I don't have to worry about long-term social repercussions. But yeah, our own nervous system tells us "hey maybe don't pick this fight" about every single fight and if we do pick that fight, it treats our opponent as a dangerous predator.

Executive dysfunction's interaction with nonconfrontation is something I have less problem with because while I do have poor executive function, I've spent a lot of time and energy training myself to cover the Important Stuff. I have mild ADHD so I'm capable of this; I'm not trying to say everyone with ADHD is, because lord knows it's exhausting for me and I've been doing it for roughly thirty years. But essentially, I cover where it counts: if someone needs me to do something I do it, I meet deadlines, I pay bills.

So with that disclaimer in place, a very common issue especially for children with undiagnosed ADHD is that they'll be told or asked to do something and simply be unable to begin or complete it, then when they're asked why they didn't do it they can't explain. Even if they try to explain that they simply couldn't, like they were incapable of doing it for reasons they don't understand, that usually doesn't hold water with a lot of parents and teachers.

"I couldn't bring myself to write this essay," is actually something I told myself a few times in college, but it's not something I'd bother trying to tell someone else, because if you think you're neurotypical that sounds very insane. So I'd lie and say I forgot, or I'd take the fail, or I'd simply drop out of the class. Crucially I would not fight with the authority figure who was questioning me about it, because I knew I wouldn't be able to explain myself, and I'd just end up getting in more trouble for longer.

Our culture is structured for neurotypicals, and it's not even structured for all neurotypicals. Behavior that deviates from Approved Neurotypical even when you think you are Approved Neurotypical is highly punishable. So if your options are passivity, even when passivity leads to pain, or confrontation, most people who aren't Approved Neurotypical will opt for passivity once they've had a taste of where confrontation leads. I know I do.

And the thing is, there's nothing actually wrong with that. It's a strategy calculated to minimize pain. Even when I'm firing on all cylinders on a fresh dose of Adderall, I still generally let fights go unless there will be actual real consequences, because it's just not worth it. But knowing we have ADHD and knowing we fall into this pattern, I think it is good to be aware that sometimes letting a fight go is really going to fuck you, and at that point even being bad at it is better than not engaging.

I'm pretty good at calculating those, but it's a lifelong process, knowing which hills to die on when you assume you will automatically die if you ever get above sea level.

#sam has adhd #jellydishes

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squoxle · 3 months

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Hiiii sisisssyysysyys! I was wondering if you do a hee ff and it’s just y/n and him. I want the plot to be like a late night of the streets in nyc. And you can do whatever you want 😊

Girl 😩 I apologize in advance if the story is kinda wonky…I really wanted to make this for u ASAP…but I’ve just been sooooo busy 😭❤️ anywayzzz I hope u like it

❝𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐫 𝐈𝐧 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐄𝐲𝐞𝐬❞ ~ 𝐋.𝐇𝐒

•♥☙♡ ʚɞ ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ: ʜᴇᴇ𝖲ᴇᴜɴɢ!ʙᴇ𝖲ᴛ ғʀɪᴇɴᴅ 𝖷 ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ!ғᴍ | ʚɞ ᴡᴄ: 𝟫𝟨𝟢 | ʚɞ 𝖲ᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: ʏᴏᴜʀ ʙᴇ𝖲ᴛ ғʀɪᴇɴᴅ ᴄᴏɴғᴇ𝖲𝖲ᴇ𝖲 ʜɪ𝖲 ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴜɴᴅᴇʀ ᴛʜᴇ ɴᴇᴡ ʏᴏʀᴋ 𝖲ᴋʏ | ʚɞ ᴄᴡ: ᴀɴɢ𝖲ᴛ, ғʟᴜғғ, ᴍɪɴᴏʀ 𝖲ᴍᴜᴛ (ᴀ.ᴋ.ᴀ. ᴋɪ𝖲𝖲ɪɴɢ ᴀɴᴅ 𝖲ʟɪɢʜᴛ ғᴏɴᴅʟɪɴɢ ɪɴ ᴘᴜʙʟɪᴄ) ♡❧♥•

Heeseung held your gaze as if he were frozen in time and space. The sexual tension burned like firey flames from your hearts. But nothing could have prepared you for this moment.

The moment when his delicate lips would meet yours.

The moment your lives would change forever...

. : ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪ 𝑒𝒶𝓇𝓁𝒾𝑒𝓇 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝒹𝒶𝓎...

Heeseung had called you the night before to make plans for today.

"There's something I want to talk to you about," he whispered softly, "In person..." his words trailed off.

What could be so important that he couldn't just tell you over the phone. Heeseung rarely blew things out of proportion, which left you curious. Wondering what he wanted to talk about.

Somehow you managed to tuck your curiosity away in the deepest part of your mind for the majority of the day as the two of you hung out together. Though you couldn't deny the fact that he had done a great job keeping you distracted.

"Hey, what do you think about this?" he giggled as he turned around to show you a pair of oversized glasses.

"I think you look like a clown," you chuckled back, watching as a bright smile grew across his face.

"Him, you're right. Maybe they'd look better on you," he said as he walked closer to you, placing the glasses on your face. His expression softened as you adjusted the glasses yourself.

"I probably look even dumber than you," you scoffed lightly, pulling your lips into a slight smirk. You watched as Heeseung's eyes followed your movements. "Uhh..." you started, cutting through the silence. "You okay?"

"Yeah," he smiled, rubbing the back of his neck. "I'm just a little hungry. How about we go get something to eat?" He asked.

"Sure, what're you in the mood for?"

"Pizza?"

"Wow! I'm surprised you didn't say ramen," you said in an attempt to keep the conversation going.

"Well, I only like it when I make it," he smiled. "It's not like I can really make my own pizza," he chuckled as the two of you walked off.

. : ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪ 𝓁𝒶𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔...

After sunset, you and Heeseung walked across Brooklyn Bridge. You loved how it lit up at night, the lights mimicking the stars in the sky that were harder to see out here.

Heeseung knew how much you loved stargazing, but couldn't do it anymore after relocating to such a big city. The sense of longing washed over you as you walked across the metallic structure.

"What?" you asked as you felt Heeseung's gaze on you.

"Nothing, I was just thinking about something."

"Does it have anything to do with that thing you wanted to tell me last night?" your question hung in the air for a bit before Heeseung let out a sigh.

"Uhh...yeah, but I'd rather talk about it in private," he said as the two of continued your walk across the bridge before entering Cadman Plaza Park.

The air was cool and moist, and the streetlights highlighted small puddles of water that pooled near the botanical arrangements. At this point, you had just noticed that Heeseung was holding your hand.

You walked with him under a set of trees, away from the other few people who were also enjoying a night walk in New York.

You lied down in the grass next to Heeseung as you peaked through the tree branches to see the night sky bleeding through.

"____..."

"Yeah?"

"You know that thing I wanted to tell you?" He rolled onto his side to face you, propping his body up on his elbow.

You waited patiently for him to speak, as you could see his shy side coming out. He bit his lip softly before continuing.

"I-I don't want this to ruin our friendship or anything, but," he paused, playing with the grass between his fingers. "I really like you...and I have for a long time."

To be honest, you had liked Heeseung from the beginning, but you settled for a friendship rather than a relationship and you still didn’t know why.

He looked embarrassed as hell. You took a little too long to respond, leaving an uncomfortable amount of silence in the atmosphere.

“Sorry,” he mumbled. “Just forget I said anything,” he continued before lying down on his back, closing his eyes after taking a deep breath.

A thought crossed your mind and you weren’t gonna be stupid enough to let it pass by. You leaned over to kiss Heeseung’s lips.

His cheeks were slightly red his doe eyes jumped open when you placed your hand on his chest. “I like you too, and I have for a long time now,” you smiled.

His lips formed into a smile as he pulled your face into his, kissing you again. You straddled his body as he gripped onto your waist, pulling your body closer to his. You slowly rocked back and forth, feeling him grow harder beneath you.

Though you had just started, the sexual tension was strong now and your movements excited him. It was obvious by the way he sat up and breathlessly gasped for your touch.

Your tongues intertwining as he moved down to your neck. “Maybe we should continue this somewhere else,” he chuckled softly against the wetness on your neck as you reached to palm his bulge.

“Yeah, you’re probably right about that,” you said looking at his flushed face and ruffled hair. “Would it be weird if I said you look hotter with your hair like this,” you smirked.

“Not weird, but definitely enticing. Makes me wonder what you would look like all flustered and messy,” he said before kissing your lips again.

. : ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪ 𝒩𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇 𝓌𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝑒𝓍𝓅𝑒𝒸𝓉𝑒𝒹 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝓌𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝒷𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓂𝑜𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓎𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒸𝒽𝒶𝓃𝑔𝑒𝒹…

❀ Thank you all so much for reading! Make sure to check out other works on my masterlist!

❀ 𝚃𝚊𝚐𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝: @chlorinecake @mimikittysblog @nikisdubblchococake @wonbinisbabygurl @hynjinnn1 @mrswolfhard3 @laylasbunbunny @sussyjake @furious-eagle @cherrriesss @abbyizzy @weyukinluv @addictedtohobi @thatonenoona @wavykook @givemeyourtmihyun @jaeljn @hoonmywk @valennshit @19-yunalyn @hoonbby @frostedblankets @hoonsyo @no-mannerism @perfectxserendipity @chubbibish @ihrtlix @bunniesforsoobin @thereadersparadise @thatbooknerdfr @aiden2001 @belongstoheeseung @jakeybabe @donut-crazs @rizzhee @nikimeows @woonieees @uarmyxtae @rebecca-johnson-28 @they2luv1naia @isa-2007 @silcry @riverscafe @pearlwhitesoul @nikohiroshi @thatbooknerdfr @wonniewonwon @sughoonieeee @babyy-bambii @adrika04 @sehunsharpasseyebrows @wtfyangjungwon @fr-3-akn-4-stymf @rikiloversworld @shawyle @sunoosrightbuttcheek @uarmyxtae @lovesickxmina @urfavberry @urauntiefaye @breadlover01 @taehyunsfavmoa

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nattinatalia · 6 months

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Urban Wyatt x Sister Harlow : We Did Something

A/N : A concept request from my buttercup @harlowcomehome turned out to this so thank her for it lol 😝

“Urban, do you take Y/N to be your lawfully wedded wife? Do you promise to love and cherish her, in good times and in bad, in sickness and health, for richer for poor, for better for worse, and forsaking all others, keep yourself only to her, for so long as you both shall live?”

Urban smiles and winks at you, “I do.”

“I now pronounce you husband and wife. You can kiss the bride now.”

“Say less” he smiles cheekily, reaching for your waist. “Come here baby.” He pulls you in and kisses you deeply.

***************

“So I know we brought you all out here, out of nowhere and we gave you no explanations as to why.” You start your speech.

You were standing in the middle of the hall you and Urban rented out for the night, looking at all the familiar faces.

Urban grabs a hold of your hand, giving you a squeeze. Catching on to your nerves, he takes over. “What we have to share is something we’ve been keeping to ourselves for a while now.”

“Oh great.” Jack mumbles from his seat at the table.

“Jackman.” Maggie warns, staring at him sternly.

You smile at your mom as she throws a wink your way.

“Some have their assumptions.” Urban continues, “I hope you all don’t hate us for the way we did things. But we wanted it to do it for us, for ourselves and have our moment.”

“Just say it already, because I hope you’re not pregnant.” Jack mumbles, sounding annoyed but deep down he’s hoping all the comments he’s been reading online are true.

“Dude, would you shut up?” Urban snaps.

Sunni, Clay and Copelan start laughing but shut up once Maggie throws them a glare.

You start getting annoyed at your brother now. “We got married.” You yell into the microphone. “We’re married. There we said it.”

Everyone gasps and claps, getting out of their seats they all start surrounding you both and congratulating you.

Jack is the last to come up to you both, giving a glare.

You sigh, “I know, we hid the fact that we were dating and you got mad. I did promise no more secrets but this was really a special moment. I know deep down you don’t believe that Urban and I will make it work. But I can’t li-“

Jack smiles and hugs you, giving the top of your head a kiss. “I’m happy for you both.”

You turn your head towards Urban in confusion.

“Well don’t look so shocked.” Jack laughs, giving Urban a bro hug. “I had to learn the hard way that you two will stay together no matter what.”

“Geesh, thanks.” Urban mumbles out.

Jack rolls his eyes, “What I mean is that, I’m starting to accept the fact that you two are meant to be and nothing is more important than seeing you both happy, and if being with one another makes you happy, then who am I to hate that?”

You smile at your big brother, “Aww thank you-“

“Don’t get too excited, I don’t want to witness y’all kissing each other or anything nasty.”

You and Urban share a look and laugh.

“Come.” Urban pulls you away from the crowd.

“Babe, we cannot have a quickie while everyone is out there.”

“I do love some public sex, but it’s not for that.” He pulls you into another room. “We talked about this when we were kids.”

You look at him, then to the set up and start getting emotional. “Matching tattoos?”

He nods, “Cope found a good artist, and it’s the sketch we did when we were kids, obviously it’ll be better done but the concept is the same we came up with.”

You pull him down towards you by tugging on his bow tie. “I love you husband.” You peck his lips.

“I love you, wife.” He smiles at you, “So what do you say? Want to get something else that’ll bond us for life?”

“With you?” You take in a deep breath, “I’ll do anything if it means I get to do it by your side.”

“To the world and back?” He asks, saying the words you two one shared and made up when you were kids running around, hiding from your brothers.

“And beyond that.” You finish the phrase.

You can’t help but fall in love even more.

Once upon a time, you didn’t believe in love.

You didn’t want marriage.

You didn’t want kids.

You didn’t want the white picket fence.

You didn’t want any of that if it wasn’t with the one person your heart would beat for.

You didn’t want any of that if you couldn’t have it with Urban.

••••••••••

TAG LIST

@heavyhitterheaux @harlowsbby @arination99 @cmalass @jackharloww @minkookie95 @deannaard @jacksmoviestar @harlowcomehome @fdl305 @httpkoylinnn @xoxokiaraaxoxo @hoodharlow @automaticpeachsong @amethyst09 @aliciacat20 @allyson15 @gabbylovesreading @stefansalvatoresgf @violetdreamsworld @carma-fanficaddict @jasminxts @itsaaliyah2 @itsyagirljaz @harrycanyonmoonn @neon-lights-and-glitter @awhore4moree @toocriticalharlow @thefemalestorywriter @lightsoutstyles @violetslays818 @fantasywritersstuff @vanwritesfan-fiction

#urban wyatt #urban wyatt x reader #urban wyatt x yn #urban wyatt x y/n #urban wyatt x oc #urban wyatt x you #sister harlow #harlow sister #harlow sis #sis harlow #jack harlow

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these-emo-thoughts · 4 months

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Last Twilight Episode 11 thoughts

A lot of people are hating on Day right now but I get him. I do. And if you haven't watched episode 11 yet, maybe skip this post as it revolves around a major part of the plot. If you've watched the ep, you probably know what I'm talking about. More detail is under the cut.

Warning, this is a long one, lol. Apologies for any mistakes, I'm a bit sick and didn't read over it 🤣

If you've seen it already, I'm going to explain why I think Mhok and Day's break-up had to happen and why it is the best thing for them right now.

Mhok's fear of losing another person because he isn't there to help or pick up the phone is absolutely valid (and so real and relatable that I feel personally attacked). He doesn't stay with Day out of pity, which has been established multiple times throughout the series - but the trauma of what he went through with Rung and the fear of possibly repeating that again with Day has made his anxiety cloud his judgement and his heart. It's not a healthy way to live - constantly worrying about your partner, to the extent where you cannot live for yourself, is not sustainable for a relationship (I also find this quite ironic because up until this point Mhok has been on his own for a long time now). We saw the manifestation of this fear in episode 11 multiple times too, with Mhok leaving in the middle of the shift to check that the guest that was hit by a car wasn't Day, and then when he was freaking out when Day wasn't answering his phone. Imagine going through all of that, but this time, your partner is 15 hours away by plane.

Day choosing to break up with him is, in my opinion, more complex than just "he lied to me and pitied me". That's part of it (and will come back at the end of this post), yes, and he does have the right to be upset that Mhok lied to him. Again, it's not healthy for the both of them if they are going to continue a relationship. I also want to point out that Day is at a disadvantage here because while he is capable of living his life independently as a blind man, he can't actually see the emotions on people's faces when he talks to them and that's can be important for picking up what others are putting down. Day can't see the changes in Mhok's expression when his smile fades, he has to rely on the other to talk to him when something is up, so lying is a BIG no-no here (as it would be for any relationship). So far, they've done a great job at communicating, so this is presented as new issue - but, it's a big one. So yes, the lying is part of it, but it's not ALL of it.

"But what IS all of it!?" I hear you scream into the Tumblr void. Well, by now, OF COURSE Day knows that Mhok truly loves him and KNOWS that the other doesn't pity him - he's said so many times. So, Day must realise at this point - of which the timeline is probably at a year of them knowing each other, give or take - that Mhok is deliberately holding himself back from good opportunities because of that love. It must hurt like hell, knowing that you're the reason your partner is self-sabotaging, but there's nothing you can do to change their mind because everything is out of your control. It's so much easier for Day to say "Mhok pities me and lied to me and that's why I want to break up" instead of "I'm the reason Mhok won't go".

It's heartbreaking, but what's the solution here? Long distance? Sure, maybe - but that's not going to stop Mhok from worrying about Day and being distracted from his job. It's not going to stop Day from feeling like he's a burden to Mhok. Not only that, with timezones and such a huge distance, there are even more complications to worry about. Plus, let's say something DID happen to Day while Mhok was in Hawaii - it goes back to exactly the problem that Mhok had which is what can he do about it? Long distance is a solution, but how long will they last living like that?

"Okay emo, so why doesn't Day just go to Hawaii with Mhok? Then they can be together and Mhok can fulfil his promise to take him there and they don't have to break up and they'll live happily ever after." I see you!! But... that's a BIG decision. Mhok and Day's trip to Songkhla may have been a test to see how they weather the storm of living together as boyfriends, but it was only for a few days. And Day - for most of it - was alone in the room while Mhok was working. That's not a way for Day to live, and it still won't stop Mhok from being worried, probably even MORESO now because they're in a whole other country.

So... what's left?

Day's decision to break up with Mhok is heartbreaking, but is probably the only solution that makes sense to me. Mhok CANNOT live a life like this. He can't. It's already debilitating him and it'll get even worse if he's constantly prioritising Day over himself in every aspect of life. Of course a person should think about their partner, but not to the point where it becomes unhealthy self-sabotage. Day also cannot live happily like this. He's come to terms living with a disability and already is aware of how different his daily life is to that of a sighted person - but the little voice in the back of his mind, the one reminding him that he's the reason Mhok is not living his life to the fullest, is making the entire process more difficult for him (and the lying really doesn't help).

So... yeah. A necessary evil that unfortunately to many will be written off simply as the "episode 11 curse". An evil that has people already saying that Day is stupid and immature, when I really believe this is the most rational he's been. I know even the actors have said it's about the lying but this is P'Aof we're talking about here - he's a brilliant story-teller, and there's always more to his art than what we see on the surface. It's happened in other shows he's directed, which is why they rate so highly. Last Twilight is no exception, and the complexity of the love story between Mhok and Day is nothing short of a masterpiece. That's how I see it, anyway.

Would love to hear other thoughts and perspectives!

#last twilight #last twilight the series #last twilight episode 11 #character study #mhokday #jimmysea #backaof noppharnach

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sapphosewrites · 19 days

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top 10 ds9 fan fics you've written, ranked?

Oooh, tough question, friend! I don't even know what the criteria for this would be, because the most AO3 popular ones are not always my favorites... Okay, you know what, here we go. I'm just going to go for it and make some decisions. I'm giving myself a rule, though, that I can only chose one from a series, so I'm not just listing everything in the Terok Nor AU. I'll also try to hit different kinds of fics I've written.

10.) After the End of the World: A Survey of Seminal Works of Cardassian Post-Apocalyptic Literature from cross-posted to tumblr. 533 words, "An examination of the Cardassian post-apocalyptic literary genre before and after the Dominion War." This isn't my most popular or my best written but it's one of my favorites; I like in-world diegetic texts and worldbuilding and I'm obsessed with the idea of post-canon Cardassia as post-apocalypse.

9.) Never Have I Ever from The Game Is Afoot, 1,294 words, T, "Julian introduces Garak to the human game never have I ever." This was fun to write and is fun to reread every time! I often spend a lot of fic space on angst and identity and all the reasons why it's a bad idea for Julian and Garak to get together, but in this one we just get to spend time seeing them be clever and enjoy each other's company.

8.) Tribbles, Togetherness, and the Great River, 1,742 words, G, "In their shared quarters, Nog and Jake discuss tribbles, pets, and telling their families about their relationship." This is my only full standalone Jake/Nog fic, and it's another that was a pleasure to write and still makes me smile. It's fun to spend a sweet moment with two young people figuring out how they fit together.

7.) Del Floria's Tailor Shop, 336 words, also known as the space tumblr one. I think this is possibly the funniest thing I've ever written.

6.) Push Me Til I Break, 4,653 words, M, also known as the one where Garak interrogates Julian, and the role play goes wrong. Maybe the most tense thing I've ever written, and really leans into the ways in which two deeply hurting people can choose to hurt or hold.

5.) Growth, 45,843 words, T, "Julian and Garak grapple with their pasts and their feelings for each other at the end of the series." My super long post-canon Cardassia fic, back when I had no idea how to string a multi-chapter idea together. There's a lot I would change if I wrote this now (I've grown as a writer in many ways, including my ability to have scene transitions), but some of the conversations and moments in here are still absolute favorites of mine, particularly around ideas of self-forgiveness, the clash between values and actions, and the importance of choice.

4.) Predetermination, 22,200 words, T, Mirror Bashir arrives at the station and suddenly the nature/nurture debate has never had higher stakes. This is one of the places I think I've been most successful in using sci fi to ask big questions that hopefully resonate in the modern day, about who we are and how we become. Also, the ending takes inspiration from one of my favorite TNG episodes, and that was cool too.

3.) Especially the Lies, 13,019 words, T, "Something is going on with Garak, and no one knows what, except for possibly Julian Bashir." This is my only archive-warning-applied fic and it was really important to me to tell a story about care, for a character who I think doesn't believe he's allowed to have any, in a real world circumstance that too often people have to go through alone.

2.) Necessary Storms, 15,149 words, T, Julian and Starfleet Spouse Garak get entangled in Trill politics. I feel like this is one of the things I've written that most feels like it could be an episode of Star Trek, and is also a fairly unsubtle (though initially unintentional) way to explore populism, demagoguery, resource distribution, and revolt at a very particular moment in national politics with the aesthetic distance that sci fi offers.

1.) Old Friends: An Enigma Tale from Terok Nor AU. I'm exceedingly proud of this whole series, which started as just "what can I do with the idea of dabo boy Julian" and has turned into a sweeping journey covering how Terok Nor becomes Deep Space 9. This most recent installment is perhaps not indicative of the series as a whole, but it was a lot of fun to write and is also a dip into my other favorite genre aside from sci fi (murder mystery).

#my writing #confess nothing is statistically my most popular fic but i don't think it's my most interesting #almost made the list are made to measure and son of tain #also none of my fairy tale things are on here but i think i have lots of interesting ideas in those as well #if you have a fic that is your personal top of what i've written i'd love to hear about it!

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totally-not-here-for-the-smut · 9 months

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So, @arcanavoid made me thinking about Lucio in their post

WELL THEN LETS TALK ABOUT LUCIO YOU BITCHES

Pleas keep in mind that I'm right now very drunk and I'm not a native speaker and the autocorrect for this phone can only do so much Also I'm in a different time zone so if you see this at, like 10 in the morning or whatever, no worries bc now is definitely night here and I also program my posts I have not a drinking problem thats why I cant hold my f-ing liquor

WELL THEN MY DEAR LUCIO and

WHY

as a person who is very close to people with serious mental illness, like i legit live with them

I THINK LUCIO'S ROUTE IS SO GREAT

Let's start with an assumption: we're all assholes. Somewhere in our life, maybe in the past, or present, or future, we are huge AH. It's not like we're evil and condemned to hell, it's just that as humans we're small, petty and miserable so we behave badly and are very selfish when big difficulties challenge us. Like, sometimes we manage to scramble enough willpower and common sense to act decently as we're afraid and suffering, but lots of times we don't and make shitty things. So here's my first point:

1. We all are a Lucio sometimes. Or often.

Like, way more than we want to admit. We're afraid, we're too full of ourselves, and we behave in petty ways. We're mean towards strangers, we feel happy in humiliating them and showing the world how better than anyone else we are. We need something bc we live in a world that doesn't grant basic human rights (food, shelter, health, safety and human connection), so we strain to get those things, sometimes at others' expenses. Then we tell ourself that those people deserved our scorn and malice because they're bad, and we tell us such lies because facing the guilt of what we've done is painful and complex.

We need to show ourselves we're better, so enjoy picking at others' mistakes without caring who they are in a whole (this is super easy on the internet). All this while low key ignoring what bad we're more or less responsible for.

And we are. Like, if you ever did buy something on sites like shein, you are actually exploiting poor people who are basically slaves. And you're keeping a blind eye on it.

But you know what? You're not evil for this. We're weak sometimes, we're tired, we have little time and really don't have the lucidity to think whether this stupid chicken breast is full of hormones and antibiotics or not. We're humans and we're small. Often we're sad, afraid and tired and we need a malicious self esteem bost.

Often, we're Lucio.

2. A flaming piece of trash can change. And doesn't need others' forgiveness to do so.

Did you notice how everyone is so eager to show of other people are wrong and bad and evil? That's because they, and we as well, need reassurance about how we're the hero of the story.

That's because we can't tolerate being the flaming piece of trash, because the the flaming piece of trash can't change and everyone hates them.

This idea is stupid.

It doesn't matter how low you fell. How many people you hurt, how many times you made the same stupid mistake or how many people deeply despise you. You still can change.

That's why is

Important

To have a Lucio route where it's shown he can choose to be better, no matter how deeply wrong his past deeds were.

The moment we understand this concept is the one our guilt becomes less heavy and we start being less judging of others. Granted.

This doesn't mean you're entitled to people's forgiveness - but the fact that YOU are willing to forgive yourself means that you can really change and forgive others. If some people won't forgive you, it will be fine, no need to hate them: you can always find new people to gift your better self to.

This is what happens to Lucio. Will Asra ever truly forgive him for making him and orphan and killing you? No. But this doesn't mean that Lucio will be a villain forever. He will be still able to change, become a good man and gift his goodness to the MC.

As MC says to Julian: you can always come back.

3. What it takes to change

Now, I'm in general rly humble when talking about mental health bc I'm no doctor nor therapist. But living with people who went through hell and managed to survive (and knowing people who sadly didn't), made me able to figure a couple of things. So, brace yourself. I'm about to give you the ultimate recipe of healing.

It takes two things:

Compassion and Accountability

When all is said and done, this things are the two main things it takes to change and heal. Compassion for believing you can change and deserve happiness, seeing the world through other people's eyes and accountability to motivate you into stop being a dick and owning the shit you did (so yeah, maybe you should stop blaming your parents for who you are, sry, but it doesn't serves your cause).

and there's one and only one way to get them:

Positive human connections.

That's it. When you go to the bone to it, that's how one can change, heal and survive.

It's reduced to the very bone, simple idea: the whole process is much more complicated and it's ok if you get lost in it. But at the very root, this is it.

And this is WHY Lucio's route it's so great:

MC shows compassion, because they don't recall him doing anything bad to them.

MC helps him being accountable. They doesn't shelter Lucio from his guilt, never.

MC believes in them but NEVER puts up with their shit

MC doesn't believe his lies and doesn't lie to them either. No games: they talk through everything, they're kind but firm and true.

MC helps him accept other people's scorn towards him

I love this route because it's the one where the MC is the most clever. There's a murder mistery? Let's ask the ghost of the murdered one who did it. Everyone is mad at him? Let them be. Not bc "he deserves it", but bc people are entitled to be mad at him and to their idea about him. He has troubles with his mother? Don't get between them. Listen, understand, let them unravel their shit. Ghosts are mad at him? Sit with him, but don't do his emotional weightlifting. Mc puts Lucio in front of his deeds and holds his hand as he deals with them.

Folks: THIS is how it's done irl.

4. No dumb justification & the danger of privilege

There are a lot of shows about "why villains are like this" that paint them as a poor misunderstood saint who was mistreated by their parents. Like in Once Upon a Time or the Disney Villain's Live actions. I hate that stuff because they distort the plot to make the villain a misunderstood anti heroe who was a victim all along, so he's justified.

Guess what: they're not. If you actions are evil there's no justification. No retelling of your story: you made very bad choice and were an AH and that's it.

This is what happens with Lucio: in his route his story doesn't gets to be retold. It's an honest story about how Lucio, the villain, can choose to be the better man and benefit from it. It's a story about the inherent dangers of Privilege:

Lucio's story shows how dangerous privilege can be: he wasn't hold accountable for his actions while he was alive, bc he was pretty, powerful and rich. He loses his privilege, he gets his ass kicked, he find motivations to change in his desire to be loved. I know irl folks who got to adulthood without having to face how shitty they were bc of social privilege. It literally kept them from changing, healing and be happy. So beware, folks. Your privilege might be harming you in the first place, and the day you will face who you truly are without it WILL come. The later, the worst.

So, this is why I love Lucio's route. It's relatable and helps us to find the courage to face our demons, knowing that we can change. Knowing that we can forgive ourselves and accept others' scorn. It WILL be hard, it WILL be painful, there WILL be consequences, but eventually it will be worth the hassle.

So, long live the goatman, for he can change. And so do we.

#the arcana #the arcana game #lucio morgasson #lucios route #the arcana files

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moody4world · 1 year

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All for you

A/N: birthday fic for my babyyy and apparently my first fluff for him too

I’ve been with Urban for about two years now almost three and it’s one of the best things that’s happened to me. Of course at first I was skeptical about his true intentions when he slid in my dm about 7 years ago asking if I wanted to do a photoshoot with him and his friends claiming that it was for a school project. I was gonna ignore it but then he offered to pay me and listen, what broke 17 year old would turn down some quick money? The photoshoot actually ended up being a lot of fun and that’s how I became friends with all of them.

Urban and I kept in contact the most out of all the other friends in our circle and as we got older our feelings became less platonic. However, i’m pretty sure he always liked me that way. He won’t admit it but i’m sure he did. Today was Urby’s birthday so I made sure I had everything planned out for him. Throughout our friendship and relationship he’s been so amazing to me and always caters to my needs no matter the time, no matter the place. It only felt right to absolutely spoil him on his 25th birthday. What better way to start his special day than some birthday morning head followed by some breakfast in bed?

After getting ready for his little birthday outing with his friends it was time for him to go. “Baby are you sure you can’t come with us?” I may or may not have lied about having an important work meeting to attend but in reality i took the day off so I could dedicate it to him. This whole day was my idea and this boy had no clue. “Yes i’m sure Urb you know how my boss gets” His plump bottom lip immediately started to jut out trying to persuade me to change my mind. “Stop that, if i’m done early, i’ll see where you guys are and i’ll come meet up with y’all. Does that sound good?” I asked him. “Would be better if you could just come with me but i’ll take what I can get. Speaking of things I can get, imma need a kiss before I leave” and he did not have to ask twice.

As soon as Urban was out of the house I started cleaning up the whole house, got ready and went out to buy a fresh bouquet of flowers along with some groceries to prepare our special dinner, candles and fresh flower petals.

Right when I was adding the last details to the dinner table my phone started buzzing indicating that someone was calling me. Once I grabbed my phone to pick up I noticed it was Urban. “Hey birthday boy, enjoying your day so far?” “ Yeah i’m not gonna lie I am, i’m actually on my way home right now to wait for you” “Okay baby I think I accidentally left the door unlocked cause I was rushing so if you can hurry home before anything happens that’d be great” “On it, alright i’ll see you when you get there” “I love you” “I love you too baby”

I got dressed as fast as I could and headed back downstairs just in time to see Urban walk through the door. His face twisted from confusion to his big adorable smile when he stepped on something only to realize that it was a pathway full of rose petals leading him to the dining table decorated in more petals and beautiful plates and candles. He looks up at me in adoration as I welcome him into my arms. “Happy birthday once again baby” I say to him as he sways me side to side in his tight grip. He pulls away and I hand him a nice flower bouquet and I could’ve sworn he was holding back tears. “You did all of this for me?” “All for you, love of mine” I answered as I nodded proudly. “You even got the jazz music going in the background I see you” “Only the best for my man, now let’s eat” “You don’t gotta tell me twice”

Once we were done eating we just sat and talked about his day and other things under the sun with my hand in his. “You’re so amazing you know that?” “You tell me often but your face is red as fuck right now you know that?” We both couldn’t help but laugh at his bashfulness. 7 years of knowing each other and we’ve been dating for 2 of those years yet we still had each other giggling and swinging our feet. “When the guys caught me stalking your instagram 7 years ago and dared me to dm you I did not expect us to end up here”

“So you DID have a crush on me since then!”

“I’m finally admitting the truth” He put his hands up defensively for a couple seconds only to hold your hands again right after.

“I got you one more gift” I bit my lips nervously not sure how he was going to react. Urban could feel my palm getting clammy in his. “You’re pregnant?” “I- what?! no” “Well damn it wouldn’t be that bad would it?” We couldn’t help but laugh at the turn the sentimental moment took. “No but seriously I really hope you like it…and….I hope you don’t get mad at me for getting you this gift” “Why would I get mad at a gift from you?” I only stared at him as I could see the gears in his brain starting to turn until an invisible light bulb went on. He seemed hesitant to say his guesses tho so it was only right I tell him what it is. I walk to the kitchen counter picking up a small gift box on top of it. Urban pulled his chair out from under the table beckoning me to come sit sideways on his lap and so I do.

With his arm around my waist and the other hand resting on my thighs I hand him the small box. “There’s no way this is what I think it is” He looked genuinely shocked without even opening it yet. “Well there’s only one way to find out” I shrugged. He opens the box and sees a familiar set of keys that he’s engraved in his memory for at least three years now. “No way” his jaw seemed to have lost its comprehension of remaining closed as he looked up at me in a way to confirm that his thoughts on what these keys are were true. All I could do was laugh at his reactions as I nodded to give him the confirmation he needed. “Yeah I got you the studio you wanted, no more paying other places to develop all those photos you be taking” Before I could say anything else I was pulled into a rib crushing hug and a chorus of “thank you’s” and “I love you’s” “I can’t believe you did this for me” He gave me a heated kiss that described all his emotions that words couldn’t. With our foreheads on each other’s I kissed his nose and say “All for you, love of mine”

urbanwyatt

Louisville, Kentucky

Liked by jackharlow and 8.333 others

urbanwyatt if we locked in, ain’t no switchin up. one of my best birthdays yet thanks to this one, almost got down on one knee when @yngotit pulled out that bouquet 😮‍💨

happy birthday to our baee

@harlowsbby

@heavyhitterheaux

@softtcurse

@nattinatalia

@neon-lights-and-glitter

@urbussy

and every other urban girly reading this🫶🏾

#urban wyatt #urban wyatt x reader #urban wyatt x you #urban wyatt fic #urban wyatt imagine #jack harlow #happy birthday urban #birthday fic #birthday fluff #moody4world #moody fics

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agirlunfilteredsblog · 5 months

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MY LIFE WITH BPD

(MAJOR TW: TALKS ON BPD, SH AND S**CIDE)

Hi girls! Today we are going to get a little more personal and talk about mental health. I’ve always found it crucially important to raise awareness on it, no matter how big or small my platform is. Two years ago, I was sent to the emergency room after suffering a severe depressive episode and through a grueling challenge and error process, I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder six months later. Now I know what I’m going to talk about isn’t necessarily EVERYONE’S experience with this disorder, but I still think my story will resonate with some, and talking about it may help.

It was when I was about 8 years old that red flags started presenting themselves. I went through something traumatic within my family and after that incident, I wasn’t the same individual. Because I was just a child, I would mask it. My parents always described me as a happy and light child, though on the inside it was the total opposite. In reality, I would see busses and cars and wish I could jump in front of them. But I was too scared back then. Instead, I would turn to self-harm. By the time I turned 15, it had become a full blown addiction. I couldn’t stop hurting myself, almost like it had become part of my routine. It was systematic in my brain, a lullaby that would not stop.

It was around this time my mother noticed something was wrong. She begged my father to put me in therapy, but it wasn’t something he believed in, so he refused. I don’t hold any resentment towards his choice; he might have simply refused to accept that I was mentally ill. After what seemed years of suffering, I gathered the “courage” to go through with my attempt. I will not go into details about it, as I know how triggering it may be. However, it is important to note that the moment I felt like I was dying was the moment I had a huge chunk of regret for what I had done.

As I woke up from my attempt, the first thing I felt was shame. The look on my mother’s face was enough for me to feel guilty for life. It was also the day I realized I NEEDED to help myself. My mother also divorced my father around that time and gained full custody of me and my sister. I started intensive therapy, and it truly saved my life. Therapy was amazing for me, I was lucky to have a psychologist who truly cared and with her, I surmounted years of trauma and even subconscious trauma I didn’t even know existed. I finally felt a sense of light and peace. Once I started feeling better, I foolishly believed that I did not need therapy and I signed out of the program. At first it was all okay, but soon, symptoms started to present themselves. I would get angry at little things often, I would lock myself in a room, I cut off a majority of my friends out of paranoia and I started lacking basic empathy for people I cared about (I still had empathy, don’t get me wrong, I just didn’t care about hurting people’s feelings if need see fit).

When I had refused to leave my room for 2 weeks and wouldn’t show up to class, my mom got extremely worried and attempted to take me outside for some air. She knew immediately something was wrong, I was laying down sobbing relentlessly and no matter what she did, I truly could not stop. She saw the fresh wounds on my legs as well. Out of fear that something might happen to me, she rushed me to the hospital.

From there on, I promise, my life got better, and for real this time. After I was diagnosed, I started learning how to manage it with a combination of therapy and anger management classes. I grew back, not into the person I initially was, but a new person. Some days are better than others, but I am grateful now for every blessing I have. I celebrated one full year of sobriety from self-harm a while ago as well! I have a great circle of friends who keep me grounded and make me feel valued above all else. The constant ringing of thoughts of death has ceased and I truly live a life filled with gratitude. Life may not be the same after an attempt, that is true, but I’m grateful I get to live a life. So many people do not get that opportunity. I know it is hard to reach out when you need help; but trust me, it’s worth it in the end. There is light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how dark it may seem.

so much love,

a girl unfiltered 💋

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nostalgia-tblr · 7 months

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here's a lovely story that i got taught at university. i assume that at least some of it is lies, but it's a good story so i'm gonna tell it anyway.

so, the old St Paul's Cathedral in London got destroyed along with a lot of other buildings in the city by the Great Fire in 1666, and Christopher Wren was given the job of replacing many of the lost churches, with the big commission being St Pauls. and with it being so important he had to get the design for that one approved by the both the King and the Church of England. fair enough, right?

so Wren goes away and comes up with a design that's all trendy contemporary styles, very impressive with a big dome on the top. like this:

and the king thinks this design and the big model of it that Wren's had made look great but the bishops aren't keen. they're like "no no no, mr wren, no chance. that's too modern-looking, we want you to build us something more like the one that was there before."

so Wren goes away again and redesigns and this one's a more 'traditional' sort of thing, more gothic-looking with a big tall spire, and the bishops love it and so now we're all agreed on what's going to be built. which is this:

(Are you thinking to yourself "But that's not what St Paul's Cathedral looks like"? Well you're right. Hold onto that thought, we'll be coming back to it later.)

and so the workers gather on the site and they take down the ruins of the old cathedral (RIP) and then Wren gets some scaffolding put up, which hides the construction work from the streets while it's being built, which Wren says is so that the craftsmen don't get distracted by all the bustle around them, but it also makes it quite hard for anyone passing by to see what's actually going on with the building work.

(Can you guess where this is going? Because apparently the bishops didn't.)

and then finally after years of work it's all done - at last! - and down comes the scaffolding and it turns out Wren's just built what he wanted to in the first place, but oops too late to do anything about that now i suppose. enjoy your new cathedral.

#history fandom #christopher wren

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desert-bluffs-and-me · 1 year

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What the heck happened to Kevin?

-straps you in against your will- (it's long and I'm not sorry lol)

tl;dr: Kevin isn't an purely evil antagonist (at least not the entire way through the show). He did found the religion surrounding a Smiling God but no longer controls the version of it in NV. He did not found Strex. Strex did use the religion to control people and Kevin had some importance because of his standing. Kevin lies to us and himself but his tone and other things betray the truth. Charles might be good for him actually because of this??? More Kevin please.

WTNV is a great podcast because it highlights a truth about stories that people forget: protagonist just means 'the person whose point of view the story is in' and not 'the good guy'. Nor does having a protagonist who is good necessitate a continuous and obvious antagonist.

When Kevin is our protagonist we get the same unreliability we get with Cecil, but Kevin's brainwashing is overt and obvious whilst Cecil's is a subtle result of his upbringing in a conservative place like NV.

So just who is Kevin of Desert Bluffs? What are his ties to Strex? Ep.73 gives us the context we were terribly lacking during the Strex Arc.

Ep.73 - Past Kevin: “Strexcorp? That faux-friendly big business corporate monster? Don’t talk to me about them. Strexcorp is the worst. […] I actually tried to stop them from buying it! I tried very hard. I put my own body, this fragile thing, in between the Strex representatives and the entrance to the building but they forced their way past me using ethically brutal methods that left me forever physically changed."

Future Kevin: "Oh, what StrexCorp and their Smiling God did to my wonderful little town. What they did to me. I’m not myself anymore. I’m a smile, and a twitch of the wrist. It has been years, Cecil. I’ve drifted away from myself. Sometimes I am one me, and then again I am the other. What they did to the sentient heat trapped temporarily in my body."

In this episode, a Kevin before Strex has any power in my opinion doesn't have any reason to lie to Cecil about his involvement in Strex, unreliable narrator or no. He also emotes differently in the further-past, having a genuine flare of annoyance at the mention of Strex. He simply does not talk like this at all later on when Strex is in power. Something changed. And if he were lying about hating Strex to stay on Cecil's good side, why mention this? -

Ep. 73 Past Kevin: [...]You know they’ve been trying to buy the radio station? Can you imagine how awful that would be? They’d probably try to take me off the air, and replace me with someone else. Or, worse, try to change my personality completely. Oh! I would never let that happen[...]"

That is...basically what seems to have happened to him. In his 'present' form (which is really more of a recent past version of himself) during this episode when Cecil talks about Night Vale and Strex, Kevin happily talks about Strex despite Cecil again clearly not being happy about it. He shows no need to side with Cecil's opinion here because he's under Strex himself now.

As an aside, Kevin also states he's never heard of NV in the further-past whilst his recent-past self during that episode and his first appearances in the Strex Arc do know what NV is but has never been there. This is either an oversight by writers or a different Kevin or he just genuinely hadn't heard of NV then.

In the future, he once more speaks of how awful Strex was when they hurt his town and once more, in my opinion, has no reason to deny his involvement especially when he's been isolated for years and is clearly depressed and miserable and has nothing to lose.

Also, with dubious-canon, there is this from a patreon listener questions session:

Kevin: “So I smile over and over until the version of me in the mirror stops smiling along and starts looking scared and exhausted and then sits on the edge of the tub, muttering about the life he used to have before Strex got a hold of him.”

Which could be like, a literal alternate Kevin he can see through a mirror or just Kevin pretending it's just a mirror version of himself whilst it's actually him feeling negative emotions/effects of trauma he doesn't want to admit having.

And during the podcast, there are hints that something terrible did happen in DB which could have been Strex's takeover and which Kevin (by his tone more than his words) has been negatively affected by. For the life in me I cannot remember the exact episodes to quote it, but I think they're early episodes. The gist is that he mentions an 'incident' that 'some of them never woke up from again' during which Intern Vanessa died.

All of this evidence cannot be ignored. We can say with some certainty that the Kevin we hear the most from started out as a man who was ordinary by whatever ordinary in DB ever was, and was taken in and changed by Strex.

It also can't be ignored that later episodes and It Devours! increase Kevin's involvement in both Strex and the worship of the Smiling God, at least in theory.

But some of it just never sits right with me. In particular, this quote:

Ep. 137: “The mayor and I have been close for a long time. We’ve had our ups and downs, but I think our more difficult times were back when we used to run a company together. We had some typical disagreements over who was in charge. She thought because she was the president of the company, she should have final say on all decisions. Whereas I knew that I was one of the Smiling God’s chosen prophets, and our all-loving devourer would not choose a prophet who made mistakes.”

There's...inconsistency here that I can't ignore. Lauren was promoted from executive to vice-president as of episode 49. She was never promoted to president in our timeline. Also, Kevin only states that he should have more power than her because of his Smiling God connections, not because he was actually important in the company.

But did that hold merit, or did it only hold merit to him? Lauren is not in agreement during these later All Smiles' Eve to Mudstone Abyss episodes. And why not? Just because Strex was using the Joyous Congregation to help control DB (theocracy and capitalism do go hand in hand!) doesn't mean that Kevin had any real power BUT it may have led him into thinking he did. If he really did i.e. was Strex's founder or something and they were really fighting about it, he could easily have demoted or fired her. It wouldn't have been difficult.

Strex does not mind 'disappearing people' when necessary and there's no reason we can see for Kevin to have special affection for Lauren. They have a tumultuous relationship at best. If she had no power over him, he would have always treated her with the same disposability and control he does when he runs Desert Bluffs Too.

It Devours! ch 8: “You see, our prophet Kevin found an old oak door[...]"

We never really get to see how Kevin reacted to being in the desert otherworld after Old Oak Doors. But I theorise the reason he was able to start building so fast was because he had, genuinely, already been there and brought back a religion revolving around a Smiling God with him. (The book is new though, he's been in the desert otherworld ten or more years compared to NV time which is plenty of time to write it and get it sent back).

And what about the religion surrounding a Smiling God?

The nature of the Smiling God and what it is is...difficult. Kevin mentions in All Smiles' Eve and the Mudstone Abyss that the religion has been around since he was a child. He says he's celebrated All Smiles' with his family, and that he's dreamed of creating the MSA since being little. If we're taking this as truth, then if Kevin founded the religion he founded it as a child. Or he's lying. Again.

But also there isn't just one Smiling God. It's always referred to as a Smiling God (in the podcast at least), not the. Dana sees a Smiling God which is just a vast light and it's this which is dangerously trying to get into NV through the Old Oak Doors. But also, Kevin writes about a giant centipede as if it were a Smiling God (the movements of such a creature is also observed by either Dana or Carlos, I forgot I'm sorry ;; ) but only Pastor Munn/Gordon know about Kevin's book on the centipede and believe in that version of a Smiling God.

It was genuinely not known by other congregation members, even those like Darryl who grew up with the religion and members who lived in NV previously. Kevin also once said that a Smiling God has teeth and a tongue, which neither a centipede nor a light have. Congregation members also question whether Huntokar is a Smiling God and softly admit they're not sure what a Smiling God is.

It Devours! shows us a differing interpretation of their religion from the side of Darryl and other 'ordinary' congregation members and those actually running/leading it and deciding what the regular members are and aren't allowed to know. It's clear that it's very much like a cult at that point. But was it always? The Joyous Congregation exists happily without Kevin there to guide it and even after learning the weirder and more negative aspects of it they choose which version they like the best and follow that instead. Could the religion had also started out differently? Different ideals? Different ideas of what a Smiling God was? What did Strex influence in it, if at all? Is the version followed by NV citizens before any DB interference different too?

Kevin definitely hides things to show everyone (even himself) only the best things. (That's why Charles' has the potential to be really good for him, I get that now lol). But I don't get the vibes of 'mastermind perfectly in control of himself' from the man who was too brutally honest about his hatred of pasta salad and said this:

ep. 73 'recent past' Kevin: "I remember being a real grumpster, just a grouch and a half about everything! [...] But Strex bought out my radio station, and everything changed for the better. [...] Once Strex entered my life and showed me the power of the Smiling God, why, nothing was the same for me ever again! I felt so much happier. I did terrible things. I felt so much happier! I tore and bit and growled…I felt so incredibly happy! My skin rent, blood drops on the ceiling, someone’s throat in my hand! So deliriously happy!"

And he sounds a bit delirious whilst recounting this. Kevin's tone only ever changes when experiencing something genuine and that is not often.

So what do I think? I think that WTNV is written as socio-political commentary and Kevin reflects that. He is made to represent the influences a theocratic-capitalist society has on a person. He is made to be complex, and not just 'simply evil'.

Maybe there are many Kevin's we are hearing from even when we aren't made aware of such (but this feels like a cop out) and thus many Strex's and many religions surrounding a Smiling God.

But most likely:

DB was a mirror or close enough of NV. Kevin and Cecil were very similar pre-Strex. Strex was directly established in DB. Kevin spent some time in the Desert Otherworld and either discovered people there who already worshipped/observed the vast light which is a Smiling God which exists there or founded such a group of people based on others already lost there (evidence is found by Dana of there once being a civilisation doing such worship in the desert otherworld).

He brought that knowledge back with him and despite it being incomplete/not very solid/based mostly on his own interpretations, the religion really took off in DB and either dripped a bit to NV or the NV version is what created the otherworld version when some of them got lost in the dog park and ended up there. Anyway, Kevin becomes pretty important because of this.

Strex adopted that religion, changing it to suit them as they saw fit and even adopting it's triangle symbolism into their company logo, and used it to gain more power over DB and it's citizens so they could take total control (they also canonically invented control collars...).

Strex beat down and brainwashed Kevin but kept him in his job because people already looked to him as a prophet of a Smiling God. It works like this for years, with belief in a Smiling God becoming a mandatory part of the StrexCorp regime and Kevin himself still having some influence over it. He incorrectly believed this gave him power over StrexCorp and it's employees too. He would fight with Lauren about this and she was actually the one in the right hence why she never gets reprimanded, but also why she can't get rid of Kevin without destabilising the control they have.

The Strex Arc for NV happens. Kevin is returned to the desert otherworld and does research on a giant creature he sees there and mistakes(?) it for a different form of a Smiling God. He finds a way to send this book back, and since time works differently in NV (i.e. many years have passed in the desert otherworld but not in NV) the book looks 'old-ish'. Pastor Munn only shared the book with Gordon and they change the religion subtly based on what they gleam from it. This may or may not have been Kevin's intention as it seems more like general notes or even scientific research (gasp!) than any kind of dogma.

Kevin continues to believe and insist on his own version of events, maybe even to help him through his trauma, and eventually gets to live out his fantasy of control by running Desert Bluffs Too. He has a small religious crisis during this time (canon, mentioned during the All Smiles'-Mudstone Abyss arc), likely because neither the vast light nor the centipede he assigned a Smiling God nor any other version he imaged seems to be in the desert otherworld any more. Charles enters the picture and starts to challenge Kevin's perceptions of his own importance, what is correct emotional regulation and what his religion might actually mean. He has all but forgotten Strex at this time, but is unable or unwilling to look back on those times as completely negative especially because his religion (which he very well likely founded) became so linked with the company.

More Kevin please.

#wtnv #welcome to night vale #wtnv meta #long post #wtdb #welcome to desert bluffs #kevin of desert bluffs #a smiling god #strexcorp

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bassettmemes · 1 year

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GIRL MEETS THE ASK MEME ↳ quotes from the disney channel show girl meets world.

"it only makes sense to me when I can get in trouble for it."

"we cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them."

"we're here to make somebody else happy."

"i think life puts people in front of us, so that we can be prepared for what happens next."

"hope looks great on you."

"don’t let your history be one of missed opportunities."

"if something that’s important to us today is so easily replaced by something else tomorrow, we have to wonder if it ever really had any value at all."

"it seems to me this isn’t a distraction at all. it’s a lifestyle."

"i’m not in control of anything. that’s what makes life so easy for me. when you think about it, nothing’s really my fault yet."

"as much as we think we show everybody who we are when we’re completely in charge of what happens, we find out who we really are when we’re not."

"the truith is, when you try to control life, life does its best to teach you not to."

"it's not intruding if you really want to hear."

"the best thing about being alive is to feel part of something."

"it’s funny about these things we hold on to and how life lets us know when it’s time to let it go."

"we have this one little life and for a lot of it, we just blow around in the wind. but if we’re lucky and we believe that life knows what’s best for us, sometimes we land on the right someone to talk to."

"the lives we’ve led until now have made us both wonder if life knows what it’s doing with us at all."

"learn from pompeii. as you live next to each other, understand that every once in a while, things explode."

"i have faith that in a new place you can learn from the people who have already been there."

"change fills my pockets with pennies of uncertainty."

"the truth is, people get comfortable with what’s familiar and when you get too comfortable, you don’t allow yourself room to grow."

"the worst thing you can do is fold your arms and refuse to accept what’s gonna come anyway."

"when you know you’re not good for people, you start not showing up, and then you don’t show up enough times, and it begins to feel like leaving until you do."

"only you get to decide when you quit."

"you had to take it out on somebody, i’m glad you felt safe enough to take it out on me."

"everyone has great gifts, and everyone has the potential to impact our world."

"don’t live under a label, it just gets in the way of who you are."

"what I think of myself is that it really bothers me what other people think of me."

"when you become someone else, even though you’re just acting, it’s impossible not to discover something you didn’t know before."

"when you have strong emotions for someone, it’s like you’re too close to see straight."

"maybe if you don’t hope for too much, but let yourself hope for one thing, it might actually happen."

"it’s not the big gestures that we do for other people that help us grow up, but the small choices you make for yourself."

"friends talk to each other, but real friends listen."

"being what other people want you to be is just a sword hanging over your head."

"i am a continuation. that's what history is about."

"ladies and gentlemen, i have achieved time travel!"

"being good at sports is just a matter of physics."

"don't you mess up america's most favorite thing with america's least favorite thing!"

"not everyone lives for theories and numbers."

"that's right, i lied right in yo face!"

"oh, yeah, we don't have walls... i told you we needed walls!"

#girl meets world starters #girl meets world sentence starters #gmw starters #gmw sentence starters #disney sentence starters #sentence starter #sentence starters #rp resources #rp prompt #rp meme #rp #rp prompts #roleplay prompts #writing prompts #writing prompt

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nerdierholler · 1 year

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Not sure if you're still looking for prompts, but what about the Comfort prompt Journal/Diary for Henry and Nate? <3

Oops, I went and made it sad. Sorry... Thank you so much for the prompt though! Here's a journal entry from Nate from just before he has his big conversation with Henry at the end of Book 3.

Journal/Diary - Henry/Nate

I am afraid.

I have been afraid every day of this existence. I know too well what could happen if I fall to weakness and temptation. Having lived through that experience once strained my mind to its breaking point, I do not know that I could, or would want, to survive the aftermath of being responsible for such a thing again.

However, that fear pales in comparison to what I feel now. I’ve felt fear and concern for those around me, those I love like family, many times. It too lingers in the back of my mind, an almost daily companion. But what I feel for, with, Henry is so much more.

I am terrified by the feelings that his presence pulls forth from deep inside of me, feelings I’d thought lost or given up on. The mere thought or memory of him is enough to make my heart flutter like that of a schoolboy. When we’re near, I‘m drawn towards him, the slightest touch enough to light the fires of passion. In all my long years, I never thought I’d meet a person who could cause such strength of feeling to grow within me. I assumed the time for great loves passed me by when I was transformed into this, if such things ever existed in the first place.

Oh Henry, I cannot imagine a life without you. I want you by my side for all eternity, our love one that the endless future generations of poets and musicians could never capture the depth of. To know that I could begin each day curled against the warmth of your body. That I would never have to face leaving a piece of my soul in the past. It is almost too much to think of, too much to hope for.

It is all too much because I cannot deny that beneath my feelings lies something dark and dangerous. For all the love that fills my heart, there is sharpness in the back of my throat that reminds me of my other desires. This is the thing that scares me more than almost anything else I have ever known. It isn’t enough to know what I am truly capable of, but to know that power could be made more, so much more, and it could cost me the most important thing I have ever found.

Every flush on his cheeks, every quickening of his pulse, every kiss I trail down his neck causes the siren song of his blood to flood my senses. I try to push it away and not give into the thoughts that follow. I love Henry for who he is, not what flows beneath his skin, and yet-

I feel the currents beating against me. There is a tide that threatens to sweep me out to sea and I am terrified that I will let it. I am terrified that the water will carry me away along with everything I hold dear and my only consolation is that I might perish should I not find the strength to keep swimming.

I am in love with Henry. I have no control over the fact that every fiber of my being is in love with him. How do I give into one part and hold back the other?

I’ve grown selfish over the centuries, holding onto people and things to keep me grounded. Is it too much to not want it to feel like everything is always slipping away?

Henry, may my love be enough to give me strength. I hope it is enough to carry you through what I know is the right thing, no matter how painful it may be. I do not know how to trust myself. I do not want to hurt you. Ya rouhi, please forgive me.

#twc #the wayhaven chronicles #nate sewell #henry kingston #detective x nate #Nate is both selfish and afraid #how do you give up on something that fills a hole you didn't know was there #he will always know that there is piece missing now #but it would destroy him if he ever did anything to physically hurt henry #more than it would to emotionally hurt him #but his hunger is selfish as is his love #so what will win out in the end #nerdy writes #life at nerdy holler

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mylittleredgirl · 9 months

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i have now seen strange new worlds 1x3 "ghosts of illyria"! as expected, i am enjoying this show a lot :) i know una is the big headline here and i'm working up to it but:

i loved every scene with pike and spock! my guys <3

spock was really note perfect in this. ethan peck doing mister nimoy proud with that "fascinating"

hair and makeup crew on the other hand not making mister westmore proud with spock's worm on a string sideburns. those are not starfleet issue!!

uhura and kyle are both just kind of There but i am extremely happy every second they are

having to turn every light off on the ship while having a blind engineer and not doing anything with that seems like a miss

hemmer and la'an are the craziest people on that ship. like a warp core explosion and beaming up something that's ten thousand degrees are the MOST extra possible ways to resolve a problem that could probably have been handled by cranking the dial up on a tanning bed, but that's a very good thing to know about both of them

speaking of la'an. girl.

i get that they're trying to make her off-putting and kind of unlikable as a character starting point, and that they have to work REALLY HARD to do that because whenever christina chong frowns she looks like a sad kitten santa claus left on your doorstep, but babe. after the space racism and almost blowing up the ship, i feel like you could maybe work up a lukewarm apology, if genuine compassion is off the table

i do like what it says about them that la'an didn't lie to una about how she really feels, it just Ain't About You right now

una would have been making you an accessory to a federal space crime and endangered the commission she helped you to get!!! i feel like the "why didn't you tell me" goes unsaid here

let's talk about how i am IN LOVEEEEEEEE with m'benga

(i really warmed up to spunky chapel too!! they are great together)

but M'BENGA MY BELOVED

how is he so hot and also so competent and kind

and a good dad???? are you kidding me

i am. really into him right now.

SPEAKING OF HOT AND COMPETENT...

for the hero of the hour....

una is truly great and i trust her with my life

and thank god i do because y'all really love her, and i wasn't sold on her in her discovery and short trek appearances, so i was really holding out hope that i would see the light and BOY HAVE I

it's fascinating to me how little of the Una In Command episode took place on the bridge. like who's got time for that with all the new sets to explore, i get it, but i wonder about that moment when she seemed so hesitant to sit in the big chair??

she kicks so much ass and pike likes to endanger himself on the regular so this can't be a rare occurrence

OHHHHHH maybe it's because she's having Am I Worthy Of This Uniform When I Lied To Get It thoughts. ok. i get it now.

anyway. oh to be fireman carried by una for a long hero shot down an empty hallway

and yeah i WILL be replicating that manicure as soon as humanly possible

her phasering hemmer was so great i fuckin love when problems get solved that way. Just Stun That Guy

okay here me out on this one though: i am really torn about the ending, but this is more of a story choice than a character choice

so many people know about una's illyrianity now that it would be pretty impossible to keep that from pike without a conspiracy endangering the careers of multiple officers, so her telling him personally and him accepting it is the way the episode had to end, and it was a good moment for both of them

(even though? all those officers are actually STILL probably on the hook for this, come to think of it)

pike would absolutely want to know regardless, and una knows him well enough to know that he would

BUT i would REALLY have loved for this to be resolved with somehow only una and m'benga knowing, so they could keep each others' most important secrets for a while

i do realize this unravels some of the episode and takes out chapel and la'an's moments but go with me

picture m'benga saying he won't tell anyone, or "here's my medical log on what happened" and it's not that, after una has just offered him the same deal

because she IS endangering pike's captaincy by bringing him into this secret, because she must also know him well enough to know that he won't really arrest her

MOSTLY una and m'benga were fantastic together in every scene. they are both extremely competent and mature, and to have them share this... i just think it would have been potent and cool, especially if they let these threads drop for a while before giving other characters a reason to suspect

last thought: illyrians are so cool as a concept though?? terraforming yourselves? DANG how did it take us 600 hours of star trek to come up with that one!!

last last thought: are we just going to like. leave the screaming disembodied illyrian ghost friends there tho. without even trying to communicate and see if they need help. after they saved your lives????? i guess so!

deleted scenes:

hmm, i think it would have improved the episode to include the rundown on who the augments were up front, and specifying that the illyrians are a separate deal who didn't start out as humans (OR DID THEY???? like una saying "illyrians are their own people" seems to imply that they did not, but it seems kind of wild that una is an actual alien and NO ONE EVER NOTICED?)

but that guy clowned about it too hard so i see why they cut it. it could have worked well with a little more dispassionate starfleet othering and superiority though.

that said, it would have been HILARIOUS exactly as written if that guy were kevin thomas riley

imagine if they had created a canon where kevin thomas riley was on the enterprise for a wholeass decade, never getting promoted because he sucks but never sucking enough to get full on fired

upon further consideration:

OKAY I WATCHED THE UNA AND LA'AN STRAWBERRY SCENE AGAIN and it's pretty sweet actually. i can get behind this. i can ship it, i can friend-ship it, i'm in. keeping my eyes on this one.

not seeing the sexy pikeuna chemistry quite yet but i'm keeping my eye on that too

who else should i be 👀??

#trekathon #yeah ok i love everyone #god was a lot of bullet points i'm sorry #it goes better for you all when i watch the episodes late at night and then don't have the energy to communicate more than 👍

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ben-talks-art · 1 month

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You know what's a big shame about Star vs the forces of evil?

There were actually a lot of really good messages being talked about in this series, and it's unfortunate that nobody ever brings them up.

I know it's mostly been associated with how much of a letdown its finale and management of the constant shipping and switching was, but... There were a lot of other things that were really good and well-handled in this series

I like how in the season 1 finale Star loses half of her wand and needs to re-learn how to control her powers, in fact, every season basically ends with her losing something and having to learn how to deal with it.

She loses her magic, her mom, her home, her best friend, her throne... She's always dealing with the consequences of the challenges she faces and the choices she makes, and that's very important to note cause the entire premise of episode one is her needing to learn responsibility and about the weight her power holds.

I also like how Star seems to form actual friendships with her cast of characters. In many series the main lead will just bond with a character in one episode and then we will only see them again in the background until the finale when we need everyone to come together for some big epic battle or something... But here, she's constantly hanging out with Buff Frog, Janna, Tom, Eclipsa, her parents, and the members of the magic council.

And a lot of these friendships start off so weird that it makes you think they wouldn't work, but they somehow always do.

There also tons of episodes with some really good lines where characters throw some concepts that I don't see often in other series, even today.

Like there is one episode where they play some weird magic version of Truth or Dare and Star mentions how the things they say aren't really lies cause sometimes people just don't know how they feel. That's such a great line!

There is another where Star tells Tom she doesn't even know what teens her age do anymore cause she's been spending so much time just working on trying to fix her kingdom for the last two or three seasons.

It's actually crazy to hear that and realize how much this girl changed from episode 1 to who she becomes in season 4. Star from episode 1 would NEVER say a line like that.

One of my favorites though is at the finale of season 1 when Star's parents just exchange a worried look and go "I don't know if we're doing the right thing." once they let Star go after losing half her wand. It sets a nice tone of "Where are we going with this...?" that carries through the rest of the show.

The show also tries to subvert a lot of old tired tropes by throwing some very interesting ideas like making Star's love interests become actual friends early in the story, have the weird bird bad guy from season 1 go through a self-discovery journey where he has to start from scratch after losing everything, and while they do pair up Star and Marco in the end in a very underwhelming way, I like how both of them go through their own series of love interests before arriving there.

It wasn't just "Oh, he/she is the one!" They actually try out things with other people before realizing what they really want.

And a lot of the plot twists are legit fascinating.

The story behind Meteora is my favorite part of the entire show. Again, they take this joke villain from season 1 and turn it into this massive conspiracy where the people in charge strip a mother from her child in order to keep the power in the hands of those they want.

I don't even know what might go through a kid's head while watching this.

There also lots of other cool twists like Toffe's plan to end magic, the identity of Eclipsa's husband, the meaning behind Star's butterfly form and how they handle it by just allowing it to run free and observe where it goes.

I don't know, this show just had a ton of fun ideas, and they handled them, most of the time, in fun ways.

A lot of other times they were handled in super clunky ways, yes, and sometimes the build-up to certain events could be way too slow, the shipping teasing got annoying after a while, and some resolutions were a tad anti-climatic...

There definitely are a lot of problems in Star vs. Foe, but at times it feels like when people talk about it, they treat it like there's nothing good, like they wish this never existed, like the Marco and Star endgame is the only thing worth talking about and... no there are tons of things worth talking about in here.

It had low lows, but also some really good highs, and I'm glad I saw it and glad it existed.

#star vs the forces of evil #star vs foe #disney shows #disney animation

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kendrene · 2 years

Text

“You are late.”

Kara hugs herself as hard as she can. Knees to her chest, face tucked against them, shoulders curving until she’s roughly the shape of a ball. It was easier when she was smaller; at eight years old she’s already taller than most of the other kids attending lectures at the science guild. She’s gangly — all bones and sharp angles — and they laugh at her when she runs, not bothering to hide it. Kara doesn’t play with them often. She’d rather spend her time with aunt Astra, anyway, sit with her for hours on end and talk about the stars.

Astra, who came home late after she promised that she wouldn’t.

“I know kir ehl. Diplomatic missions sometimes last longer than expected. But I’m here now.” Diplomatic is a word Kara doesn’t like. Diplomatic means official means boring means busy, meeting with people in places where she’s not allowed to go. It’s the reason she sees her mom even less than she sees Aunt Astra.

“Where did you go anyway?” She asks eventually, even though it’s more of a mutter. She’s not yet ready to lift her face from the shadowed safe place she created against her knee. “I missed you.”

There’s a pause. A silence so loud Kara wants to cover her ears. Without speaking, Astra shifts, and Kara remembers how her mother says that it’s good, great, to be interested in so many things, but that it doesn’t mean she is allowed to be indelicate or nosy.

“Can you keep a secret?”

Kara blinks, and raises her eyes, unsure.

“Is it a lie?”

“No.” Astra moves so that she’s sitting cross-legged on the bed, and Kara mirrors her, their knees almost touching. “And yes.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Well, when someone tells you a secret, you can’t talk to anybody else about it, even if they ask.”

“What if dad asked, could I tell him?”

“No.”

“Not even mom?”

“Not even mom, kir ehl.”

Kara bites her lower lip hard. She feels a little queasy. The notion doesn’t sit well with her. She’s generally a good kid — polite, well-behaved — won’t lying make her bad?

“Is it an important secret?” Astra wants to share something with her, and her stomach seems to flutter at the idea. Like there’s butterflies hatching inside it. Maybe there are, and that’s why she’s not feeling so good.

“If it’s so important, then shouldn’t they know?”

Astra holds her hands out. Doesn’t take Kara’s, Just waits, palms up. She’s smiling, yet the light in her eyes throws Kara off. She can’t tell what her aunt is thinking, and the swooping sensation inside her tummy grows a hundred times worse.

“Sometimes,” Astra clears her throat the way Kara does when her mother insists she finishes her greens and they get stuck on the way down. “Sometimes we love people so much that keeping things from them becomes part of it. Lies are not always bad, kir ehl. If you lie about something to not hurt somebody’s feelings, or to protect them, it’s called a white lie.”

“And white lies are allowed?”

“Yes.”

“Okay.” Despite not being totally convinced, Kara places her hands on top of her aunt’s and leans forward. “I can keep a secret. I promise.”

After, they head up to the balcony to watch Rao descend slow and lazy toward the horizon. Dusk is the second best part of the day, because it precedes night and also because the sky is the warmest shade of red imaginable at this time.

Kara thinks about what Aunt Astra said. That Rao is becoming unstable — her mind trips a bit over the concept — and that a day will come when it will grow so big it’ll swallow Krypton whole.

She’s not scared. Astra promised nothing will happen to her, to anyone. She promised and Astra always keeps her word.

Alright, she admits, her aunt came home a day late, but Kara is sure it wasn’t her fault.

“And I can’t tell mom?” She double checks as the first few scattered stars come into view. “She’d want to help you stop it.”

“I will tell her. I— I know I’m right, Kara, but before I speak to your mom about this I want to gather more proof. I want to be able to tell her when it will actually happen. That way we can prepare.”

“How long will it take?” Kara has always wanted to do what her aunt does. Travel to other planets and keep people safe. And Astra assured her that, in keeping their secret, she is. It’s just — this secret feels heavier than the elation of Astra confiding in her. Too big for Kara’s child-sized heart to hold.

“Not too long.” Astra answers. “And what will happen to Rao is not to pass for many, many years. We’ll all be long gone by then.”

“Where?”

“Another galaxy. Another planet.” Astra’s gaze tracks across the sky as if she can already envision their home of the future. She stays that way for a couple seconds, head tilted back, eyes half-closed. Rao’s light, ever present, plays gently across her features. Yeah — Kara will be exactly like her aunt one day.

A hero.

“Speaking of stars.” Astra turns to her with a smile. “I heard somebody really wants some painted on the ceiling of their bedroom.” Stuffing both hands in the sleeves of her robe, Kara starts to bounce on her heels. “Do you happen to know who that may be?”

“Me!” She throws her arms in the air, and runs a circle around Astra before a sudden thought has her skidding to a halt.

“Do you think we can paint the ceiling too? So that it actually looks like the sky.”

“We can paint it whatever color you want, kir ehl. Whatever you pick, it will be beautiful,”

“Red.” Kara immediately says. “We’re painting it red.” In deep space the sky isn’t red, Kara was mildly disappointed to learn during a lecture. It’s called Rayleigh Scattering, and it affects how much and what kind of light is scattered most by a planet’s atmosphere.

Not that it matters. Even if the space was green, she’d still ask for her ceiling to be red.

She’s eight years old, going onto nine and red is still her favorite color.

#autistic kara danvers #supergirl #supercorp fic #my writing #dren writes

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