#the pain of loneliness the pain of misunderstanding the pain of longing for someone i can hold and take care of someone i can cherish | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

palms-upturned · 1 year

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The horror of disco elysium and pjõl is distinction as separation I think… the way that everything in the story hinges on how well Harry can understand others and make himself understood, the theme of partners who are separated from one another, physically or emotionally or both. Harry conceptualizing Dora as a religious figure with the power to absolve or condemn him, to give him permission to live or take it away, to make sense of his pain and the apocalyptic fallout of their breakup when the truth is that it was a very common, mundane story of a failed relationship. People who tried and failed to understand each other, care for each other, create a future where they could comfortably exist together.

And it just didn’t work. That’s all. It just didn’t.

Because people grow and change in unpredictable ways, and they live through entirely different experiences that are difficult for others to understand, and histories and ideologies that we don’t even entirely understand shape the ways we perceive the world and each other and even ourselves from the moment we’re born.

STEBAN, THE STUDENT COMMUNIST - "You asked that question because you're still under the influence of ideology. That's natural. You're like a fish that's only now discovering that her whole life has been dictated by the movements of sea currents."

STEBAN, THE STUDENT COMMUNIST - "That's what ideology is. It's like there are these invisible forces everywhere, pushing and tugging you this way and that, and you don't even know they're *there*."

YOU - "What does this have to do with communism?"

STEBAN, THE STUDENT COMMUNIST - "Everything, man. That is part of the communist project, to destroy the ideological structures that reduce men and women to these hollow shells of identity."

YOU - "Is it even *possible* to imagine a world without ideology?"

STEBAN, THE STUDENT COMMUNIST - "Of course it's possible. Just extremely difficult. You practically have to be a world-historical individual to do it."

The appeal of the pale is that there is no distinction, no separation, not between people and not between times. No longing for the past, no pain in the present, no fear of the future. No misunderstandings between people. No loneliness. Everything becomes vapor and intermingles. But this is, essentially, a suicidal fantasy. Entropolism is portrayed as a kind of nihilist acceleration. If this world is doomed, then let’s hurry it the hell up and end all our fruitless suffering! It’s a position that doesn’t believe that there’s anything about the human experience worth holding onto. True love is possible ONLY in the next world for new people. It is too late for us.

And yet, it doesn’t seem to hold true at the end of the day, not even for someone like Tiago, who is one of the most extreme entropolists in the game.

TIAGO - "Might even be nice to have some company..."

EMPATHY - He said that in spite of himself. He's more attached to the human than he'd like to think.

Harry drives that car into the sea because he feels like it’s too late for him. He doesn’t believe he’ll ever be loved again. He feels a painful disconnect from the world around him, as someone straddling the line of living in the margins while also perpetuating the same marginalization that estranges him from others. But he survives the wreck and climbs out of the water and is immediately consoled by kind strangers who acknowledged his humanity and cared about him. For the rest of the game, we see him attempt to understand others and make himself understood to varying degrees of success. He is distinct and separate from others, but he is never alone.

To become vapor is to be alone. To be human is to be able to come together. Un jour je serai de retour près de toi.

ACELE - "Egg came with us. He made this wheezing puppy dog sound all the way back. Couldn't even speak."

ACELE - "It was definitely Coal City, because it took us two days to walk back to the Fau. He just wheezed the whole way, we never really asked him why he came with us. Or who he was. I think his name is Germaine..."

ACELE - "People are sweet," she says quietly.

EMPATHY - You can see it must have been a great night. The memory causes her to go silent for a moment or two.

#meg talks #disco elysium #suicide mention #coughs anyway.

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orphic-musings · 8 months

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The pain we wrought from words unspoken…

Characters: Karlach x gn! reader, Wyll x gn! reader, Halsin x gn! reader, Aylin x Isobel, Bex x Danis

Genre: Angst, fluff (but not for you)

Warnings: hurt no comfort, misunderstandings, spoilers for the end of act 2, implied reference to death (character)

Summary: After an arduous battle everyone is celebrating and taking a much needed reprieve. Except you, whose heart has a hole that is home to loneliness and grief. Is there no one to comfort you?

Notes: Omg i am back and with a BALDUR’S GATE FIC!?!!??! yes i have been taken by this game too and it has me in a chokehold and forced me to write for it. im sorry it had to be angst it makes me so sad maybe i will write comfort pt. 2 if people want it! pls enjoy :-) (sobbing) lemme know if i missed any warnings also not proofread aha

Karlach:

Aylin had her arm around Isobel the whole night. You recall earlier how she had lifted Isobel into the air and spun her around, nothing but mirth and pure love in her eyes. The action had brought a genuine smile to your face. To see something so joyful and pure after so much torment and toil was a gift, an uplifting you didn’t know you needed. But it came with a bittersweet pang. Everyone was busy chatting away at camp, spirits were high as everyone had a much needed moment of reprise after the defeat of Ketheric. Though you still wore a smile, your heart faltered.

“Holding up, Soldier?” A warm and familiar voice appeared behind you, and you turned to be met with an equally warm smile. You nodded, returning the smile, a genuine one.

“I’m so glad to see everyone reunited and safe, it seemed like such an impossible reality before, but now….” You turned back to the Selûnite couple in a loving embrace as your sentence trailed off. Karlach’s eyes followed, but then she looked at you. Your eyes were faraway, and your smile seemed almost sad.

“Alright there?” She asked, concern in her voice. Ever conscious of the feelings of others, she could pick up on any hint of bitterness or longing in others. She knew it all too well.

“It’s just, seeing all this love… I should be so happy, I am! But it still hurts. It must be nice to mean that much to someone.” You didn’t face her as you spoke. Despite your calm voice and your content, peaceful face, she sensed a deep hurt behind your words. Her mouth opened, and her hand instinctively reached out to grab your shoulder, but she stopped.

You mean so much to me, I cherish every moment we spend together. I could forget myself in your smile, forget the world in your eyes. Just one look at your face can quell all my rage. I would spend every hour I could with you, I would not hesitate to defend you and protect you. I want to be with you. Is what she wants to say. But instead she turned away with a solemn silence of her own.

You didn’t react to her silence, times are hard, and love seemed like a luxury. You stood like a statue as she slipped away, mourning internally her prescence, as she ripped herself from your side unwillingly.

Fighting Zariel’s war was easier than fighting her feelings in that moment. But any moment could be her very last. For someone who would rather live and die in the present, fully and without regrets, she feels a hypocrite. But imagining the hope of being with you, the joy you might have from knowing how much she needs you and cherishes you, was too much to bear. She couldn’t stand the thought of taking that all away from you. It’s a lesser evil to keep it from you, to keep it from herself, in the first place, than to have fate cruelly crush it all. At least that’s what she told herself as she faced the wall of her tent, away from your own dejected form, with hot tears in her eyes.

»»————-　♡　-————««

Wyll:

It seemed a miracle that you managed to save all the tieflings, and the gnomes on top of that. And even more so to defeat Ketheric Thorm, and at last promise safety and rest to all in the shadowlands. But any praise or recognition went over your head as you reeled in the aftermath. It felt surreal, and almost like it happened too quick, and you were still having trouble processing it. Even as you walked around Last Light Inn to rejuvinate your mind.

“You’re alright! My gods you’re alright!” You heard a voice call, and as you rounded the corner you saw two Tieflings in a tight embrace. You recognized Danis as one of the prisoners you had rescued, and pride swelled in you momentarily. As you watched the reunion in tender delight, you failed to notice a presence join you.

“A joyous sight. It makes me feel better about all the toil thus far.” Wyll’s voice spoke beside you, smooth and clear. It made you smile, even as you felt the sweet atmosphere waver, threatening to leave behind a cold emptiness.

“A shame it seems so scarce these days.” You said, watching the couple wander off into the warm inn. His face fell as he noticed the melancholy in your gaze.

“Indeed. I only hope those who have love, and hope, hold onto it dearly.” You merely stared off into the distance, unmoving and unresponding. It wrenched his heart, but he remained with you. It somehow felt like the least, and the most, that he could do. He wished you would turn to him, so he coukd see the light reflected in your eyes. But you couldn’t, for the price of love and hope was one too high for you to pay, in your mind. And despite your proximity, there was a perceptible distance between you.

»»————-　♡　-————««

Halsin:

The camp was brimming with relief, chatter sounding from every corner as parties discuss the aftermatch of the fight at Moonrise towers. Many people had joined you after the fight, since it had really only begun, and your companions had proven themselves capable of leading the cause. But you were mostly grateful for the presence of those who had helped you make it that far, namely the archdruid of Emerald Grove. Halsin was relieved, and content as well. He had fulfilled his century long quest, and the lands were now safe. And so were you.

“What now? You’ve got what you wanted, after all.” You asked, unsure if he would stay now that his task is finished.

“I have. But perhaps there is more that I want.” He replied, a smile on his face. You felt the warmth of his words, and you almost let it invade your senses, but you shook it off. Curiosity threatened to get the better of you, even if you werenmt sure you wanted to know the answer. But before you could stop it the words had left your mouth.

“What is it that you want?” He paused to glance at you, the smile never having left his face.

“Not what,” he began, his gaze shifting past you, “but who.” He let out a sigh after that, like it was good to get it off his chest. But your heart fell. You had known you shouldn’t have asked, but you needed to. Just in case of that small possibility.

“Ah.” Is all you managed in reply. After a beat of silence you turned and left abruptly, the intense beat of your heart felt like it was punching your ribs. Halsin’s smile faded as he watched you walk away. Had he said something wrong? No, he realized, he had merely misread the situation. You didn’t feel the same way, you couldn’t have. He felt silly in that moment, and laughed it off as he had done with the other rejections in his life (though they were few). But he could not shrug off the pain that wrenched his heart.

The next day the camp felt uncertain again. Comforting, yes, but uncertain. The party would be on the road again, and many things could change until they next made camp again. But the heaviest thing hanging in the air was your silence, your distance. It was to be expected, he reasoned, after the awkward encounter, but he hoped it didn’t mean you couldn’t still be friends. The very thought caused his throat to tighten.

But you couldn’t even bear to look at him. Of course such an experienced, handsome and capable man such as him wouldn’t have a soft spot for you. Thinking about it now made you ill. You couldn’t be near him, because all you thought of in his presence was how lucky someone else was to have him. And as you journeyed down the road to Baldur’s Gate, your distance grew. So much that it caused an uncomfortable wedge in the group, a palpable bitterness that soured the air.

Every night sorrow would muster in the two tents on far sides of the camp. Frustration, tears and regret proliferated there in those moments, planting seeds of woe to be reaped when the dawn broke. And the cure for sickness was only right where they dare not look.

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stellari-s · 1 year

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heyoooo!, I don't know how to ask for a one shot so as not to seem rude... if you want, could you make an ithaqua x reader(survivor)?.

Survivor, she met Ithaqua when they were younger, because she almost froze to death in the storm in the snow and Ithaqua as a teenager helped her and took her to her mother to help her, after helping her for a few months the tragedy passed, Ithaqua sent the survivor away but she didn't Ithaqua knew that he was in love with him and Ithaqua never knew until,He arrives at the mansion with a letter saying at the end that he will find a person he left a long time ago, and at this point the survivor was still in love with him although a few years had passed, since Ithaqua sent her away to protect her from her deceased twin brother. Maybe Ithaqua will stop seeing her as a younger sister now as something different... I don't know how this is fluff or anguish...If you want you can do it? I'm sorry if I use the feminine a lot, I'm used to it but if you want to make it gender fluid, have a good day!

💌

hey, anon! no worries, it's not rude to request for a one-shot at all (｡･ω･｡) i tried to incorporate the things you mentioned to some extent but i hope i didn't misunderstand anything,, hope you enjoy nonetheless though!

request; yes, by anon! requests are open (with a bit of a queue), so feel free to send in your ideas 💕

wc; 1 113.

tags; gn! survivor! reader, pre-manor flashbacks, canon-typical vibes, ithaqua & reader sibling relationship, a bit of violence, some angst.

summary; the past is much like a dream in this cold and lonely place. by the time you can finally meet him again, it is under the circumstances you wanted the least.

everything feels like a dream.

yet, even now you can recall with striking vividness the feeling of the cold snow against your skin along with warmth from the company of others close to your heart.

nothing from that time was a dream.

yet, in this point in time when the coldness is a hodgepodge of pain and loneliness, everything feels like one.

the only proof you have despite your blurry memory is an amulet, left behind by your foster mother, who had raised you with a certain boy whose name you have forgotten.

gripping the amulet, you think back to the moment when your life was engulfed in a sea of orange flames.

screams made the flames waver back and forth, and seeing the woman who was allegedly deemed a “witch” by a cult led by someone whose face was identical to his, your breathing grew more uneven by the minute.

“this woman, a widow, is hereby a witch as declared by our god who bestows us with his wisdom,” he declared, a sick expression plastered on his face, “and thus here she shall now atone for her sins - may they burn to ashes.”

his words were like an order; with a flick of his wrist, a large group came in with torches and threw them inside. your foster mother was chained with nowhere to run.

meanwhile, your brother ran toward you. he stumbled a few steps, but then he crouched down before you, his hands lightly gripping your shoulders, perhaps in an attempt to comfort you amid the chaos.

“listen to me,” he said with a hushed voice, his wide blue eyes tinted with a slightly orange hue, “you have to get out of here, alright?”

“but what about you?”

“i’ll stay behind and save mother and get her out of this. but for now, you have to get out.” he almost sounded desperate at this point. “please, i can’t afford to lose you too.”

something tugged on your heart when you saw his expression and heard his voice, almost begging you to run away so he could at least be comforted by the idea that you were alive, somewhere he didn’t know.

but alive nonetheless.

tears started to stain your eyes and cheeks from the smoke and a mountain of emotions, but you found the strength, albeit barely, to stand up and run out of the house.

you took your amulet and ran, only daring to look back when the sea of fire looked like a faint warm glow.

the fire threatening to burn you is almost apparent, even now, sitting within this cold manor.

you look down at the amulet in your hands, gripping it tightly before loosening your hold, and then enveloping it in the warmth of your hands once again, desperate to keep the memories close to your heart.

right now, it’s your only way to cope.

you always dread that knock on your door with an invitation to another “game”. you know whoever is chasing you will don a distorted appearance meant to scare you. and the manor owner wants that. you have seen it all: a girl forcibly bound to a wheelchair carrying a chisel, a man with long sharp claws, spirits who reside within a cursed umbrella…

just who is going to be next?

that is the only thought running through your mind as you run through the dark woods. trees and bushes obstruct your vision, and eventually, you slip into a small body of water that looks unnaturally green, like some man-made light is illuminating from below.

you try getting out, but the water slows you down, enough that the hunter could find and catch you.

the encounter is brief - you can make out a mask, an axe, a lantern, but he is nimble and swings without hesitation. when your mind is yelling at you to dodge but your legs don’t move, you have to hit them before they finally fight against the water.

the axe lands beside you with a splash, and panting, you look up at that white mask.

for a moment, time seems to slow down.

everything in your surroundings seem to slow to a stop and lose its color as you look at the hunter before you.

your chest tightens; it’s as if someone had reached into your heart and slowly started stretching it from both sides. you are wide-eyed, unable to blink at this boy, who looked like a stranger out for blood yet so, so familiar.

that’s right… his name is-

the blade stops just short of your face. seeing it so close to you makes your heart hammer out of your chest - the hunter looking so tall with the stilts don’t help your nerves either.

“(y/n)?”

hearing your name once again coming from the person you miss the most, tears are beyond your control, your chest laden with pain.

yet, you didn’t want to meet him again here, not under these circumstances.

you wanted to meet him while viewing the first snow, or fall asleep together while mother sang a lullaby.

why did it have to be now, after mother was long gone? after happiness has long been broken?

you can’t bring yourself to stun him the entire match. you can only run away, avoiding that lantern’s flicker, until you find yourself back in your cold room.

lying on the bed, you look over with heavy eyes. to the side on a plain mahogany desk is the amulet.

next to that is a single vase, filled with pink carnations.

ithaqua, now alone in the room with no prying eyes, slowly takes off his mask.

beneath the mask is a perplexed expression, light blue eyes seeming to waver slightly.

he walks to the desk where a letter lays, the red flower-shaped seal ripped but the letter still folded neatly within. with nimble motions, he takes out the folded piece of paper and unfolds it, reading the invitation.

dear ithaqua,

i hope this letter finds you well. i’m writing on behalf of the owner of oletus manor to ask for your help with a rather large-scale experiment.

after some consideration, we have determined you to be a perfect fit for what we are looking for, so we would like to formally invite you to participate in a series of games for us.

of course, we will not ask you to do this for free. we will compensate you handsomely with any reward you wish for should you adequately complete what is asked of you.

if this offer strikes your fancy, we hope to see you at oletus manor, where a certain reunion may await you.

sincerely,

miss nightingale.

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literaphobe · 10 days

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can i convince you to elaborate on any tvl analysis point you want? ok here i go. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

HELLO AND WELCOME TO -> the fundamental misunderstanding tvl ladynoir have leading up to ch9 (if u haven’t caught up to At least ch9 THIS IS UR SIGN TO SCROLL AWAY)

this will be kind of an unpacking and detailing of why ch9 unfolded the way it did. ch9 consists of two main parts -> 1. tvl ladynoir navigating a misunderstanding in their relationship. chat noir handles the situation sort of badly, and you’d think that would cause a big fight, which it almost does, but ladybug shows a Vulnerability that causes them to start Communicating and find a Solution. it ALMOST looks healthy. it ALMOST looks right. but really, it’s a red herring. and it lowers both their guards. to the point that 2. a tiny incident allows long lost misunderstandings (chat noir not knowing ladybug used to be in love with him, ladybug not really realizing he didn’t know) to resurface, and this mixing in with their Messy Current Dynamic makes it all implode, which is how you got tvl chat noir confessing his doomed love

but why DO things explode so bad? why does tvl chat noir handle the knowledge of tvl ladybug’s past love (s5 love square flip) so destructively?

it’s largely because it recontextualized their relationship in a very painful way. all this time he only HUNG ON because he thought ladybug could never love him back, that getting to have sex with her was the Most it could go, the most he could get. he’s upset because if she DID have the ability to love him, why didn’t she? and why didn’t he know before it was too late?

it doesn’t help that she’s been so accommodating of SEVERAL of his wants and needs. BUT he sees all these needs as… emotional. romantic. in nature. whereas SHE has seen them as physical. and sexual.

it’s why they have ‘worked’ so surprisingly well up till the blow up in ch9! it’s why tvl ladybug has been so ‘comfortable’! unfortunately, she THINKS he’s been viewing it through the same sexual lens she has been using

starting w their first conflict that gets explicitly laid out in ch6 -> tvl chat noir being unwilling to sleep with tvl ladybug UNLESS she agrees that it will happen MORE THAN ONCE

tvl chat noir: wants this because he cannot handle the coldness of a One Night Stand. he’s well aware that he WILL get emotionally attached if he sleeps with ladybug and he WILL get very frustrated if it all stops there. he wants it to be indefinite. because INDEFINITE screams commitment. and affection. and some mimicry of love. which is why he was so afraid to bring it up for so long -> he thought she would be against something that would connect them so deeply

tvl ladybug: was MOREEEE than okay to accommodate such an arrangement because she viewed his request as one borne of sexual desire! greed for more pleasure of a lustful nature! mutually beneficial exchange!

this brings us to our next Accommodation. tvl chat noir gets bolder, more presumptuous, and asks to be ROOMMATES bc his previous request was accommodated so easily

which throws her off, obviously, but he manages to make good excuses, scale down his request. realizes that’s too much, that he’s taken an inch and asked for a mile

and this instills The Fear in him again. but while he gets scared off, she decides to recompartmentalize his request as a simple matter of Loneliness. which she relates to! a Specific form of loneliness that only she can really understand as well. so she accepts to a degree! <- have more sleepovers. helping him meet a PHYSICAL need of requiring human companionship. a SOCIAL need to be around someone who’s experienced their very specific double life

this brings them to their next dilemma. tvl chat noir having difficulty sleeping without her. in ch7, he now becomes once more afraid to ask if they can share a bed at night, since he jumped the gun with his previous request, and she also made them two different custom bedrooms for their sleepover… reiterating to him that sharing a bed (like a couple would) is NOT something she would want. he is WELL AWARE that his problem is deeply emotional in nature. he has fallen for her again in debilitating ways. he wants to respect her wishes, and yet a part of his sleep deprived, desperate self cannot help trying to scheme his way into spending more time with her -> this causes him to act strangely during their sexual activities (terrified to come early and get sent back to his room, failing to exhaust her sexually enough to not care whether he sleeps in her bed or not)

however, she surprises him again by SORT OF figuring him out. but AGAIN, she categorizes his problem as a PHYSICAL need. to just sleep next to ANYONE. and that she’s only helping him bc she’s available and willing to. not… because she’s the only one who can

…which he very sadly realizes. but he also realizes that it’s better that she keeps Slightly misunderstanding everything. bc it’s how he’s getting So Much of… everything he’s ever wished. everything he desperately wants from her, that he wouldn’t get if she knew the truth -> he doesn’t just want to have sex. he’s in love with her (again) (electric boogaloo)

and in his eyes. she’s NEVER loved him Like That. so how could she understand? in a selfish way he wants to keep this a secret from her because he’d rather love her in halves than not at all. it’s also selfLESS. bc she gets to have sex without worrying about complicated feelings. and really. it’s a blameless thing. he can’t be blamed for falling in love with the easiest person to fall in love with ever, and he can’t blame her for not falling in love with him. she just isn’t capable of it, right?

yet the way she’s been acting SCREAMS of someone deeply in love. tvl alya very clearly recognizes this, despite not being present for any of their trysts. if anything, she’s only witnessed them interacting in chapter FIVE, which is literally all the way before they even HOOKED UP and started what tvl chat FEARED would get him so attached

we even find out that tvl marinette is TOTALLYYYY ok and chill w tvl chat noir occasionally getting a crush on her. or having feelings. because it’s the perfect way for her to excuse HER ‘occasional’ crush and feelings. as long as he doesn’t tell her! as long as he remembers he needs to squash it down every once in a while! just like she does (tries to)

in ch8, tvl alya accuses marinette of acting like she’s on honeymoon with chat noir. in ch9? she starts acting like his wife

-> chasing him for not being home, nagging him when he stays out late. welcoming him home with a tasty dessert when he arrives. fussing over his health, his rest, his sleep, wanting constant access to him, even when he’s busy or ‘with friends’

-> very obvious constant flirting, aka kissing him outside of a sexual context, like in the beginning of ch9’s last scene, when he alludes to the fact that she’s been kissing him non-sexually Very Often. obviously this has started even before ch9 but it’s clearly gotten worse (‘This is the eighth time you’ve done something like that this week!’)

…and… that’s how tvl ladybug managed to get SO comfortable that she doesn’t realize how STUPID it is to bring up that she used to be in love with him

even though she assumed he knew somewhat, and had let her down easy (I love you, but as a friend.), all those years ago. as time passed her memory shifted slightly. became -> he DEFINITELY knows! he DEFINITELY doesn’t want to be with me anymore! he DEFINITELY understands that us being together is a bad idea! he DEFINITELY doesn’t care that we have sex because that’s all he could want from me now!

and they’re terrifyingly WRONG assumptions to make. cue dramatic breakup in the pouring rain even tho they didn’t date. but at the same time, they were practically married

#ask #tvl #tvl essay #tvl ch9 #and other chapters too but I’m too lazy to tag #ANYWAY SORRY FOR TAKING A MILLION YEARS TO ANSWER THIS #I actually was so excited to get this…#but I also wanted to answer it PERFECTLY which meant. I was going to procrastinate #ANYWAY HIII PLEASE READ TVL EVERYONE #I HOPE U LIKED THIS ANON…#wherever u r :(

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donnerpartyofone · 3 months

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Ranting, complaining.

In my admittedly limited experience something that makes for bad therapy is the reductive impulse--the approach of reducing all psychological ailment to some general, universal experience. This is supposed to make you feel like you're in good company and not beyond help, but it can also be anonymizing and condescending. For instance suicide prevention rhetoric that focuses on the idea that it's all about loneliness makes me sort of crazy; I mean certainly there are instances where alienation is the main thing, especially with younger people I'd bet, but it's infantilizing to suggest that an adult couldn't have bigger, deeper problems than the need for more phone calls and hugs. And I think this misunderstanding enables the argument that suicide is a cruel thing to do to the people in your life, which is this awful mind trick people play to convince themselves that the pain of loss is serious but whatever pain it is that compels you to actually end your own life is somehow inconsequential and bearable. Apparently you should have just made more phone calls and asked for more hugs, no problem can't be solved by that, and if you didn't do this then other people get to hate you. I've seen people get so angry at their dear friends who committed suicide, and I've been in very bad places just to be told something like "you are not alone." Like no offense but I fucking know that, you're standing right there saying it to me aren't you? Please don't treat me like some lonely teenager, I have other things going on.

Another reductive thing is the strategy of trying to convince the patient that they are "normal". There's a post I once saw here about how someone's therapist blithely tells them "I mean what even IS 'normal' anyway!" like it's this amazing revelation, and the person lists three or four patently aberrant and damaging experiences that most people would never understand in order to say "Can you just try to get on my fucking level with this please?" Maybe that person WAS tormented by feeling abnormal but it's obviously unfair of their therapist to treat them like they can't tell their circumstances are unusual. Besides which you can accept the enlightened cosmic view that there's no such thing as "normal" or that there are more people like yourself than you'll ever know, and you can still be tortured by the effects of your experiences. Universality is not much comfort if something really hurts you.

A big part of my mental health struggles have to do with what I now understand are ADHD-related problems (and I believe ASD is also involved but I don't have that diagnosis yet). Like let's say half my problem is really deep complex depression and fear, and half of it is just the fact that every day is way harder than it needs to be because I can't get a grip on basic tasks. It's the Sisyphus thing, you might think you're a pretty decent guy and that many people share your problems, but eventually you may start wishing that boulder would just squash you the next time it rolls back down because the situation is unmanageable. My first therapist treated me like I was exaggerating or making up all my practical hangups due to low self-esteem. My third therapist accepted that I was being truthful but she would say to me, "Well what if YOU'RE not wrong, what if the rest of the WORLD is wrong!" Like yes I agree the world should be more accommodating to people with different neurological conditions or whatever but whether or not I blame myself for everything, the "everything" is still wrecking my life. Doing mental gymnastics to put a positive spin on it has zero effect on what a hard time I'm having. Please don't talk to me like I'm some child who has never heard that it's OK to be different. If you do I will go insane and I will roam the streets doing Victorian madwoman behaviors and I will not get over it for a long time.

Another thing therapist #3 did that seems to be popular was to take away the words "insane" and "crazy"--and like I do understand what that's about, a generalized diagnosis of just being "fucked up" doesn't help you get to the bottom of things. But if you prevent me from saying those words that will not stop me from feeling crazy and insane. You're just arguing semantics with me when we could be talking productively about my issues and this may actually make me feel crazier.

#tw: suidice

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lifephilosophys-blog · 3 months

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العلاقة الصحية مثل رقصة رقيقة، تتطلب من كلا الشريكين التحرك في تناغم وانسجام. في قلب هذه الرقصة يكمن ركائز التواصل والاحترام. وبدون هذه العناصر الأساسية، يمكن أن تصبح العلاقة بين شخصين هشة وعرضة لضغوط الحياة. عندما تفتقر العلاقة إلى روابط التواصل والاحترام القوية، هناك خطر من أنها قد تنكسر تحت وطأة سوء الفهم، والمظالم غير المعلنة، والاحتياجات التي لم يتم تلبيتها.

يمكن أن يكون قطع العلاقة تجربة مؤلمة للغاية، ويثير مشاعر الخسارة، وخيبة الأمل، والاضطراب العاطفي. يمكن أن تؤدي نهاية العلاقة إلى فترات من الحزن والوحدة وحتى الاكتئاب حيث يتنقل كلا الشريكين في التداعيات العاطفية للانفصال. من الضروري الاعتراف بهذه المشاعر ومعالجتها، مما يتيح للفرد الوقت والمساحة اللازمين للشفاء.

الصدق هو بمثابة حجر الأساس لأي علاقة صحية. يجب أن تنبع المشاعر التي يعبر عنها المرء لشريكه دائمًا من مكان الحقيقة والأصالة والضعف. يعد الحفاظ على التواصل المفتوح والصادق، حتى عندما يكون من الصعب التعبير عن الحقائق، أمرًا بالغ الأهمية لصحة العلاقة وطول عمرها.

ومع ذلك، من المهم التمييز بين المشاعر والعواطف. العواطف عابرة، وغالبًا ما تنشأ استجابة لأحداث أو محفزات معينة، ويمكن أن تنحسر وتتدفق مثل المد والجزر. يمكن أن تكون هذه الاستجابات العاطفية العابرة شديدة، لكنها ليست مثل المشاعر الدائمة والعميقة التي يقوم عليها الحب والالتزام الدائم. مشاعر الحب الحقيقية لا تتأثر أو تتضاءل بسهولة؛ فهى تتحمل تجارب ومحن العلاقة، مما يوفر أساسًا ثابتًا للشراكة.

إن اللعب بمشاعر شخص ما هو بمثابة التلاعب بقلبه وثقته وضعفه. إنه عمل متهور ومؤذي يمكن أن يؤدي إلى ندم عميق وتداعيات طويلة الأمد. إن إدراك هشاشة مشاعر شخص آخر والوعي بكيفية تأثير أفعالنا وكلماتنا على مشاعره هو جانب أساسي لتعزيز علاقة صحية ومحترمة.

باختصار، العلاقة الناجحة تبنى على أساس من التفاهم المتبادل والتواصل الفعال والاحترام الذي لا يتزعزع. يتطلب ذلك التزامًا مستمرًا بالصدق والتعاطف والرعاية الدقيقة للمشاعر التي تربط شخصين معًا. عند العمل معًا للحفاظ على هذه الجوانب الحيوية للشراكة، فإن الروابط بين فردين تصبح أقوى، مما يخلق اتصالًا داعمًا ودائمًا يمكنه التغلب على عواصف الحياة الحتمية.

A beneficial relationship is like a delicate dance, requiring both partners to move in sync and harmony. At the heart of this dance lies the twin pillars of communication and respect. Without these foundational elements, the connection between two people can become fragile, vulnerable to the stresses and strains of life. When a relationship lacks the strong bonds of communication and respect, there is a risk that it may break under the weight of misunderstandings, unspoken grievances, and unmet needs.

Breaking up a relationship can be a deeply painful experience, stirring feelings of loss, disappointment, and emotional turmoil. The end of a relationship can lead to periods of sadness, loneliness, and even depression as both partners navigate the emotional fallout of the breakup. It's essential to acknowledge and process these feelings, allowing oneself the necessary time and space to heal.

Honesty serves as the bedrock of any healthy relationship. The feelings one expresses to their partner must always stem from a place of truth, authenticity, and vulnerability. Maintaining open and honest communication, even when the truths are difficult to voice, is crucial for the health and longevity of the relationship.

However, it's important to differentiate between feelings and emotions. Emotions are fleeting, often arising in response to specific events or stimuli, and they can ebb and flow like the tide. These transient emotional responses can be intense, but they are not the same as the enduring, deep-seated feelings that underpin a lasting love and commitment. True feelings of love are not easily swayed or diminished; they endure through the trials and tribulations of a relationship, providing a stable foundation for the partnership.

To play with someone's feelings is to toy with their heart, their trust, and their vulnerability. It is a reckless and hurtful act that can lead to profound regret and long-lasting repercussions. Recognizing the fragility of another person's emotions and being mindful of how our actions and words impact their feelings is a fundamental aspect of fostering a healthy and respectful relationship.

In sum, a successful relationship is built on a foundation of mutual understanding, effective communication, and unwavering respect. It requires an ongoing commitment to honesty, empathy, and the careful nurturing of the feelings that bind two people together. When working together to maintain these vital aspects of partnership, the bonds between two individuals grow stronger, creating a supportive and enduring connection that can weather the inevitable storms of life.

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feelin-lo · 1 year

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The one who holds the Quill.

I did my best with Chaoxiang's personality, so apologies if it's off.

You'll also notice the "Q" in quill is capitalised. No, it's not a mistake

Chaoxiang belongs to @boiling-potato

"When Trickster said she was bringing a pet over, this was the last thing I was expecting."

"Well, she's gone off somewhere, so perhaps we can... talk."

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

That's how it started, now, many hours later, these two large men are comparing books as the writer crafts another tale, and the reader criticises the choice of language.

"No matter what you say, poetry is beautiful. It takes a great mind to understand it." The one in red said, his feathered quill gliding across the page like a hot knife though butter.

"I never expressed a misunderstanding. It's too emotional and lacks any depth" The one in blue snapped back, watching the quill as it weaved his tales. "Depth? Well, you surely don't mean that. Besides, none of your compositions hold any depth" The writer bit back.

That made the other angry.

They looked into each others respective gazes, a blue eye to a pair of emerald ones. Lo turned away, hunching over so he had a better writing angle "Stubborn boy. How disrespectful. I ought to put you in your place." Chaoxiang said, standing up and approaching the red adorned man, with long hair and a star to his eye, covering what Chaoxiang could only imagine was a wound.

"Pathetic, a good word that comes to mind"

Lo ignored that, taking a deep breath, taking his time with his craft.

"A man of your Caliber shouldn't be wasting energy on romance novels or poetry. You've never once been In a relationship, have you? It shows itself in the way your words come together." The writer looked up at that, an offended look greeting the cold emerald of the other. "You write women so poorly. Have you ever been with a woman? Perhaps you'd do better with a man?" Chaoxiang asked, Lo shuffled back, his arm hitting Chaoxiang's desk "W-whats it to you? Eh? Why do you care how I write?!" Lo bit back, feeling vulnerable in the position he was in.

"I believe it offensive, offensive that you call yourself a writer if you've never experienced or seen what it is you're trying to re-create with words. It's a Lie, making readers believe that's how something truly is. When in actual fact, the writer has no clue what they're talking about" Chaoxiang spoke, kneeling down and looking deep into the blue pool that Lo's eye was.

"Ever heard of personal space?!" Lo grumbled, shuffling back further "I put to feed you to the Twins." "And I put to give you a swift left hook" Lo said, though it sounded more like a whimper, his back hit the wall and he could no longer back away from the other man in the room as he knelt down, placing his skilled hands on Lo's thighs, leaning close to his face to admire his features.

"How about we practice our word use now? How would you describe the situation you're currently in? Against the wall, pinned by someone who's 10 steps ahead of you and you have no means of escape" he punctuated every word, slowly and carefully so Lo could listen to every vowel and trust and believe, it rang in his ears like heavenly chimes, or hellish drums.

"omnipotent, standing Infront of me, hands in places that make me freeze. Impossible to move my gaze incase the man who sets himself at my legs does something so unpredictable..." Lo recited, his heart quivering and writhing, threatening to stop at any moment, the air was thick, only one word could be used here. Scared.

"My turn" Chaoxiang smirked, taking his hand and stealing away the star that took up some of Lo's face, letting his scar breathe the air of the Mansion.

"Quivering yet Content. Though pain cries endless echoes in his eyes, there's a hint of need, sprinkled with loneliness and longing with a dash of desperation. To please. Desire evident in the adrenaline that rushes though veins that are so close to bursting, seen though pale and crystalline skin, so fragile that if you were to blink too hard, he would bleed"

Delicate? Lo, Delicate? Absolutely not.

"i-im not fragile-!" Lo said, though again, it sounded desperate, he wanted something to happen, he didn't know what, he didn't understand what his body was itching for, be it a mild contact if fingertips to perhaps a brush of the lips, he didn't know but all he did know is that Chaoxiang was enjoying tormenting the writer.

"Yes you are. So fragile that you're cracking under my gaze, my hands haven't moved from your thigh but yet you tremble. Is it out of desperation I wonder? You should put this in your next book, my little quill"

"I ain't your property."

Chaoxiang put a finger to Lo's Adam's apple and trailed down to his chest "Firstly it's "I am not", you'd do well to remember that, and two, you belonged to me the second you stepped though that door." He giggled, Breaking this boy apart piece by individual piece was going to be satisfying.

Not as satisfying as it's going to be, to rearrange those broken pieces into something even more perfect.

#Lo x chaoxiang #how do i tag this #BP help-

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kirimoochi · 8 months

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perfume.

₊˚ ᗢ kazuha x gn!reader.

⤷ drabble inspired by demxntia's "perfume."

every time i lay my head down, i play back the sound when you said you loved me. you don’t know what you’re supposed to be feeling. you know that you feel hurt inside but its covered by thick layers of anger. you want to let things go. to be one with the wind just like him. to let everything pass by you like maple leaves during fall. its not that simple though. if it was, you wouldn’t be here. you wouldn’t be holding onto your pillow, wiping away at your tears hoping that he was a different man.

had it been simple, you would have left earlier. the smell of perfume’s a reminder being with you is the happiest i’ll be. he lingers with you even when he’s not here. thoughts of him creep up on the back of your mind. his smile and playful teasing brush against your ear like a warm breath. and you desperately wish you could rid yourself of these memories. you want to tuck them away and leave them to rot.

“people are being friendly with the person that hurt me.” you never intended to hurt him. you tried your best. you attempted to accommodate his wishes despite how much it hurt you. despite how much his words hurt you, you kept smiling. you wanted him to feel safe and loved. you still loved him even when he treated you like a lion preying on him. even when he pushed you away you held onto the edge of the cliff, praying that this is nothing more but a misunderstanding.

“i rather just leave,” he said. how funny. you want to leave too. you want to leave whenever he tells you that he wants nothing to do with you. you want to leave whenever he says he misses you and wants you to keep thinking of him. you want to leave every time he says he still loves you. you want the ocean to take you underneath its tide and pull you into its arms. you wish you could simply disappear and fade into stardust, waiting to be picked up again by someone else. but you can’t. you’re shouldering the weight of your own sins and you can’t abandon them.

i’m doing my best to be the one for you. your best doesn’t seem to be enough. and you worry that perhaps you aren’t ever going to be enough. you might never do enough to break free of this cycle. you might never be enough to change. you might stay the same forever. and the thought hurts you. it wounds you in ways that words cannot describe. when you wrap your arms around yourself, hoping that his warmth will return, it fills you with nothing but empty prayers.

but you aren’t asking for pity. you aren’t asking for people to feel sympathy for you. you acknowledge your faults and problems, and you’re trying your best to break free from the chains you’ve built up, but sometimes you feel your knees buckle. your body is growing weak and you don’t know how long you can keep going. you want to keep fighting. you want to keep trying. because i’m in love with us, and you’re the only one i need, you say. you repeat this over and over, expecting that it would bring you some semblance of hope.

we got problems, but in my eyes you’re worth it. you thought he was worth it. you thought all the pain you’re enduring, the loneliness and quiet suffering was going to be worth it in the end. you thought if you could see him smile underneath the shining ray of the sun, everything would be worth it. in my eyes you’re perfect. was he perfect? even when he pushes you, could you say that he was everything you wanted? was this what you wanted?

perhaps you were deluding yourself into thinking he was perfect. when he presses his lips against the palm of your hand, caressing your cheek and whispering those loving words, it might have been a cruel dream.

closing your eyes, you raise your arm to cover your face. the ceiling is unfamiliar. your sheets feel too warm. too cold. you can’t find the right balance. you don’t know where you are at anymore.

you want to hate him but nothing will change.

#₊˚ ᗢ kirimoochi #genshin #genshin x reader #genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #kazuha #kazuha kaedehara x reader #kazuha kaedehara #kazuha x reader #kaedehara kazuha x reader #angst #angst with no comfort #vent post

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ninasbookshelf · 1 year

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Book Recs Based on Taylor Swift Albums

'Tis the damn season of Taylor Swift's Eras Tour! In celebration I have put together reading recommendations based on each of Taylor’s albums.

Some of Taylor's songs are (seemingly) inspired directly by specific books or media, so I tried to stray from those and recommend something different. Also, I aimed for books that I think capture the theme/feeling of the entire album, rather than books that follow the story of one particular song.

...Ready for it? Here goes.

(Also I’m tired, so there may be some minor book spoilers… no promises.)

Taylor Swift (Debut)- I’ll Give You the Sun by Jandy Nelson

I’ll Give You the Sun captures the vibrancy of Taylor’s self-titled debut album, and delves into the challenges of youth and the journey to finding where we belong in the world. Both the album and book showcase the loneliness and betrayals that happen during adolescence. They also look at love and what it means to love someone. This isn’t just romantic love either; there are friendships, familial love… and ok, there’s romance too.

Fearless - Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë

Hear me out. Wuthering Heights is dark, yes, but it is mainly a story of passion; powerful, lively moments, both positive and negative. It’s a story full of life, and so is Fearless. In both there are love stories and there are fights, there are betrayals and misunderstandings, and in Wuthering Heights the characters are, mostly, physically very near each other… just on The Other Side of the Door. Both Fearless and Wuthering Heights are rollercoasters charting the ups and downs of their protagonists’ relationships. Someday I’ll write an essay dedicated to comparing the two in more detail, but for now I’ll stop here.

Speak Now - Seven Faceless Saints (SFS) by M.K. Lobb

Ok, I might be reaching here because I just read this and want to talk about it, but watch me make it work. Roz and Damian (the main characters of SFS) dated for years before Damian was drafted, and since his return to Ombrazia there has been tension between the two due to both personal vendettas and political differences. As they’re forced to work together, they begin to understand each other, they grapple with their pasts, the things that haunt them, the things that make them push for revenge… they build a relationship again, they reflect on the way their lives used to be and the tumult that caused the breakdown. The victory in SFS is a bit darker in tone than Long Live, but I think it still works.

Red - If I Had Your Face by Frances Cha

This one is a given for me. Both Red and If I Had Your Face capture the turbulence and confusion of being a woman in your twenties (give or take). They show both the magic and madness of romantic relationships. They show the pain of being older and wiser, how we can look at other women who are still full of hope and see how everything could go wrong. Heartbreak, power, and female friendship; it’s all there.

1989 - The Sun Is Also a Star by Nicola Yoon

Welcome to New York! The Sun Is Also a Star follows two teens, Natasha and Daniel, through an event- and emotion-filled day in NYC. It’s romantic and silly and magical, until very suddenly… the pain of reality returns. This one’s YA, but I think it fits really well with 1989.

Reputation - The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid

I love love this comparison. Secret relationships, crimes and getaway cars, breakups and betrayals and finally, eventually, realizing that the people we surround ourselves with are what really matters in life… yeah.

Lover - Book Lovers by Emily Henry

It’s only fitting that Lover gets a romance novel (and I promise I didn’t just pick this particular book because it has “lover” in the title). Book Lovers features a literary agent named Nora who is determined to go above and beyond for her clients. If she were a man, she’d be the man. It’s a realistic romance, complete with a cruel summer and characters who find comfort in each other after many failed relationships… but can it last?

folklore - Little Women by Louisa May Alcott or Sorrow and Bliss by Meg Mason

There’s a lot going on in folklore; it showcases Taylor’s storytelling skills in an achingly beautiful light. There are several different stories happening on the album, some of which are intertwined. I can’t pass up recommending Little Women, because the relationships these women share with each other, and their romances throughout the different stages of their life, are represented thoroughly in folklore’s tracklist. There are hard feelings and mistakes, heartache and the harshness of reality, and the realization that sometimes things aren’t meant to be, no matter how much we might want them to be.

However, as someone who has spent too much not enough time watching Jo and Laurie x folklore compilations on Youtube, I feel like folklore/Little Women is a commonly made connection… (or maybe I’m way too deep into that rabbit hole). SO, to add some variety, I wanted to share a second recommendation that I think also fits with the general feeling folklore creates.

Sorrow and Bliss by Meg Mason particularly fits with the more mature stories on the album. It involves characters looking back on their pasts and seeing the connections and divisions in their relationships, and grappling with how things are vs what could’ve been. The book focuses heavily on mental health and how it affects our relationships with ourselves and the people we care about.

I’ll share one of my favorite quotes: “Martha, no marriage makes sense. Especially not to the outside world. A marriage is its own world.” Just like in folklore, Sorrow and Bliss includes a deep dive into the protagonist’s personal relationships and how those relationships can grow and change over time.

evermore - I Capture the Castle by Dodie Smith

Set in a crumbling castle in rural England, I Capture the Castle shares the mystique and pining encapsulated in Taylor Swift’s evermore. There’s unrequited love, secret devotions, and the ache left by empty promises and tainted relationships. And of course, everything is happening surrounded by overwhelming pastoral beauty. It’s the perfect matchup to evermore.

Midnights - Daisy Jones and the Six by Taylor Jenkins Reid

A second TJR feature! I feel like there’s a song here for every major event in DJATS. The madness of relationships; the idolization of celebrities vs what they were actually going through; parties, affairs, love and questions; loss and betrayal and reflections on the past… It’s all there.

And that’s all ten! I got tired near the end, so I apologize if any of this is confusing. If you have questions or comments about any of these book recs, please reach out to me! I’d love to talk more about them.

I’m thinking of doing more in-depth book recommendations for Taylor's discography, where I pick one book for each of her songs. I’d do these on an album-by-album basis. If you're interested, let me know!

#taylor swift #booklr #book recs #tjr #emily henry #bibliophile #books and reading #taylor swift eras #taylor swift debut #taylor swift red #1989 #fearless #evermore #folklore #midnights #speak now #taylor swift lover #reputation

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steakout-05 · 2 months

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headcanons i have about Craig the scientist :)

as are most of the characters i have headcanons for, Craig is on the autism spectrum. he has a flat effect to his voice and facial expressions, doesn't really get most social cues, doesn't know how to react to others in pain the "right" way, misunderstands metaphors and speaks in quite a direct manner because it makes the most sense to his brain. he's quite a literal thinker. he also tends to hyperfixate so hard on a task that he forgets his basic needs and hygene, and thus has quite an unkempt look underneath that hazmat suit of his (which i will get into later!). Barry often ends up needing to get Craig something to eat because of how long he hyperfixates on something.

Craig sometimes doesn't exactly pay attention to his tone of voice, so sometimes he can say something that, to him, sounds completely normal, but because of his tone, can end up sounding really ominous to other people by accident ("We know who you are, Barry.")

Craig has traumatic cataract in his left eye (or wherever the fuck craig's visor crack is supposed to be in canon lol) from the explosion in 'Level 2' and is half blind in that eye. his eye has a very clouded look as a result of the injury. he's also got a huge scar there too that required some pretty gnarly stitches later, and his skin is almost completely numb around that area.

Craig also never really had the best eyesight before the injury, so he's always wearing these big ol' nerdy glasses underneath his helmet. and yes, they are tacked together with a band-aid lol

Craig is one of the few scientists who is not a clone of Peter Simpkins, the late friend of both Professor Brains and (in my headcanon'd canon) Craig. i like to think that Craig and Simpkins knew each other when they were first recruited by Legitimate Research and was pretty close to both him and Brains, and since Simpkins died, Brains has kind of taken more of a liking towards Craig (mostly out of loneliness and needing someone to help around at the lab, but he has a genuine fondness for him under his demanding and angry exterior).

There's a bit of a fan theory that Craig is the same guy as the scientist in the 'Robot Bird' rock opera, which i like to believe is the case. i mean, he's got the same monotone voice as Craig, it's gotta be him. i hope this does end up becoming canon because i think it'd make for an interesting conflict between Barry and Craig!!

Craig may or may not be related to Lab Lady.

Craig's counterpart in the mirror universe is named Kayla.

Craig is demiromantic and is questioning his sexuality (he thinks he might be bi or pan), though he definitely knows he loves Barry <3

Craig has an unhealthy habit of wiping his embarrassing memories, like, a lot. he wipes memories of awkward accidents in the lab, particularly painful failures, and most importantly, the memories of losing literally all his stuff and his career to Barry, which is why he doesn't immediately recognise him in the shorts. Craig has a lot of trouble recounting stories from the past because of this memory-wiping and felt a sense of emptiness, which getting hit in the head certainly didn't help with, so he tried inventing that apple in the Multiverse Madness event to get some of them back. it was pure dumb luck that Barry didn't end up witnessing what happened to Craig in the 'Robot Bird' opera and both are completely unaware of the disastrous can of worms that could have opened. bro's gonna end up like wallflower blush if he doesn't keep that memory erasing under control

and finally...

under his helmet, Craig has messy dirty-blonde hair, a rounded face that has a few stray facial hairs he forgot to shave, a long scar down the left side of his face, hazel coloured eyes and pale skin. this design is inspired by the designs made by @dexterno-artz and @schnabel53 respectively :D

this is a sketch of my finalised(ish) craig design!!! i've shown earlier versions of this guy in a couple of older posts but i haven't really revised his design much until now. i kinda had the idea of him looking like a stereotypical nerd and then made him messier. i might tone the amount of hair he has down a tiny bit but also i really like the nerdy bird's nest thing he has goin on :) i like to think he literally hasn't brushed his hair in several weeks and it's just become a bird's nest from nights of staying up doing science stuff

how i feel about barry tbh. he's literally so dumb i love him

(also apologies for the photos being kinda blurry and me forgetting to turn off the filter. again. in my defence it looks really nice and orange on my phone)

sometimes i like drawing him saying stuff from the shorts to get a feel of how he'd look when talking and make sure he looks juuuust nerdy enough for me to go "yep that's craig". also his big,g, handns,s,

drew this as a quick side profile sketch to get a general idea of how i want to draw him from this angle. he's talking to barry offscreen and falling in love with him <3

stupid little comic with a stupid little interaction that would definitely happen between these stupid little guys <3 barry being a little asshole every now and then is very entertaining to me. i need to see him antagonising craig and starting an old couple bickering argument with craig, that would heal me i think

i think i'll post more of this design in the future, i really quite like it a lot :)

#jetpack joyride #craig jetpack joyride 2 #jetpack joyride 2 #headcanon design #yeag sorry the photos are so fucked looking #my room does not have good lighting.... like..... at all #my sketchbook is also literally falling to pieces lmao #i'm gonna get a new one soon but damn. my poor sketchbook #i didnt even do anything to it....... why must it fall apart and die on me..........#anyway YEAH craig design!!!!#i quite like this design a lot #i feel like there's something that could be added to it but i don't wanna make his design more complicated than it already is #that first drawing of him kinda looks like his eye is bleeding lol #it's just a really big scar dw #craig having traumatic cataract was inspired by my dog getting traumatic glaucoma in his eye #also i think craig would go hard as like. a character who's similar to wallflower blush #except instead of everyone forgetting her but her remembering them #it's craig forgetting everything that happened to him and then finding a way to restore the memories and then he gets SO PISSED at barry #they'll sure need a lot of couple's counselling after that blunder #i kinda wanna make designs for steve and toni #especially steve!!!#how do you think they'd identify steve from the other scientists. would barry just stick a big piece of paper with an S on it to his face #answering my own question: yes he would absolutely do that #steve is the one i feel like both barry and craig tease the most #i find steve literally being so nervous about being perceived that he runs away and damages property to be extremely relatable #also fun fact: craig's hair and eye colours are kinda based off the colour i see the word craig in???#ok this is gonna be tricky to explain but i think i might have grapheme colour synesthesia #it's basically a condition where you can see or VERY heavily associate colours to a specific number or letter #and for some reason my brain has christened 'craig' as being a very specific sort of yellowy green! it's what i see in my head when i think #-of the word 'craig' so i decided to make him kinda blonde and have hazel eyes (which is basically a mix of green and yellow)!! neato!!

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prototypesteve · 4 months

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Appear.

I need to track down some diet lemonade and a straw. I’m having a delightfully angsty week, full of Tori Spring vibes.

The one where I feel bad about misunderstanding what counts as love.

The one where I feel bad about getting misguided counselling in my early 20s.

The one where I feel bad about how asexuality was a thing, but bad manifesto-distribution meant two generations weren’t told.

These sort of downer posts were sparked by how my “Phase” post has something like 900+ notes, making it my most thought-about social media content ever.

In that post, I talk about how I’m 52, aroace, and have a pretty okay life, full of friends and all the usual life stuff, minus sex or romance. Meaning that asexuality isn’t a phase you grow out of, and it isn’t a lifetime of loneliness and isolation.

But it’s also important to talk about the few things that weren’t great. Some of them won’t necessarily be problems for younger aroaces because you at least got to know that you were aroace (or just aro, or just ace, or any of the other variants in between). You might make other discoveries later, but odds are you won’t have to wait a lifetime to finally find the missing pieces.

But you might run into heartache. Asexuality and aromanticism leave room for more-than-friends relationships. And they aren’t all going to be Tori and Michael, or Georgia and Rooney, or Crowley and Aziraphale. Sometimes it’ll just be you and someone who says, “No, I can’t do this. I thought I could. I can’t.” And that will hurt more than you thought it could hurt. But you’ll be okay. I promise, because I know. I’ve experienced it and I’ve watched others go through it. It hurts. And then it hurts less. And then it barely hurts, and then you’re okay.

And you might run into resentment. There will be times you’ll wish the world just had its shit together and was ready for you. It never will be. The world is slow. Some things in the world are fast, but the world as a whole is terribly slow. This will hurt, too. But this is always a “giving” pain. It turns you into someone compassionate enough to help others experiencing a world not ready for them.

The thing about talking about the sadness and hurt, is that it puts it in perspective. It’s real, and it’s big, and it’s terrible. But it’s also finite. It has a beginning and an end. It’s always smaller than the care your friends are able to gather for you. And when your friends aren’t there, then your community is there. And—surprisingly—when no one is there, that’s when you become bigger than you could ever imagine. That’s when you hit that moment where you feel absolutely alone, absolutely disconnected, and you’ll find your long-forgotten love for yourself, and your pride, and your resolve, and your unexpected strength, and you’ll make it through.

And one day you’ll be the elder ace or the elder aro, or the ender something-new-we-don’t-know-was-a-thing-right-now, and you won’t even understand why you give people hope by being your messy wreck of a self, but hey. No complaints.

#aroace #asexual #aromantic #tori spring

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tetsunabouquet · 10 months

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Vert's Psyche Headcanon

A/N: Now, this is my first headcanon for the HDN franchise, and we're starting with Vert because I feel like she's the most misunderstood character from the franchise.

-I'm going to start with the criticism of some of the fans, who I feel like misunderstand Vert. First of all, she's not a pedophile. The only character she canonically had romantic feelings for is IF who's an adult. I feel like, her sexuality which is either lesbian or bisexual, is getting mixed up with her current mental health issues that were caused by the introduction of CPU candidates. -Yes, she has been suffering from mental health issues, I find it easy to see why Vert changed from being the most hardworking and responsible goddess, into one that's slacking almost so bad as Neptune and seems even more disinterested in actually being the CPU. -We know she won't be getting a sister because the XBOX has no handheld console, but Vert doesn't. In-universe, Vert doesn't has a sister because the public wasn't satisfied enough to create a share-boom that birthes a sister. Just think of what it would mean, for the most hardworking and dedicated CPU to never actually please her people. No matter how hard Vert works, she's never good enough for the people in Leanbox in-universe. It definitely left her heartbroken. -Just think about how difficult being a CPU is for Vert, on the long run. She's immortal, her people aren't. So far, the only Oracle who's actually been confirmed to be immortal like the CPUs is Histoire, we don't know anything about the actual nature of the other three Oracles. If Chika is human, then Vert is the only immortal being in her country. She's the only one who always sees people dying whilst she never ages a day, she's all alone and she is the founding CPU of her nation unlike Neptune who could at least rely on her predecessors to oversee the building of morbid places like cementeries. Vert had to do all of that, all alone as the sole immortal of her country. Whilst everyone else has siblings, and Planeptune also has Histoire. After a while, this loneliness and the rejection from her people really dug it's way into her psyche. -This is why her gaming addiction, which started somewhat innocent but not too serious prior to the introduction of the sisters, completely spiralled out of control. She's grown to develop depression, that she masks through her gaming addiction, using it as escapism. -I feel like this also plays into her dream, of Vert's sisters being Vert herself and how she actually would like to be a younger sibling. She desperately wants someone to be there to help her and take care of her like Neptune has Nepgear. She doesn't wants to be the CPU or the oldest all the time anymore, she's fed up with always working hard but getting no rewards or appreciation for it. -This is also why Nepgear is her favorite CPU candidate, because she is exactly the kind of little sister she wants: One responsible and reliable enough she can lean on. -This why her banter with Blanc got even worse. Vert is just as hurt and insecure about not having any sibling where Blanc is the only CPU who has TWO, as Blanc is about her body image. Vert's pain is just made fun of so much and body image is such a common struggle that Vert's pain doesn't seems as serious in comparison. -What Vert really wants, is to just feel good enough for her people, and not to be alone in the face of eternity. -But because she's in such a dark place, all of her feelings are muddled and confused, and she crosses the line between appropriate behavior towards the sisters as a result, but I feel like therapy and actually getting a sister would bring her to her senses and the CPU she was in the Super Dimension. -I feel like a more feisty version of Nepgear would suit Vert, this woman should get a sister who clearly reminds Vert what boundaries are supposed to be, but will love her big sister with all of her heart and fight for Vert because only she's allowed to be mean to her big sister. Her acting protective will bring Vert to tears. I've mentioned the Vampire Knight fandom several times on my fandom, and I'm imagening a dynamic between Vert and her sister similar to Yuki and Headmaster Cross, with Headmaster Cross obviously being Vert.

#vert #hyperdimension neptunia #hdn #vert hyperdimension neptunia #green heart #leanbox

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the-cat-chat · 3 months

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February 3, 2024

While You Were Sleeping (1995)

A hopelessly romantic Chicago Transit Authority ticket booth operator is mistaken for the fiancée of a comatose patient.

JayBell: Valentine's Month 2024 begins with the one and only Sandra Bullock. I really like how they emphasize her character's loneliness in the movie. She has no family anymore, and while she has some friends, she longs to be part of something more. She feels isolated and alone, and this helps make some of her absolutely insane decisions throughout the movie feel somewhat sane (getting engaged before going on a single date hellooo??).

The dialogue is great, the actors are great, it's funny, it's heartwarming, there's good chemistry between Sandra Bullock and Bill Pullman, she's a likeable and relatable character, the list goes on and on.

For someone who hates those "big misunderstanding" plots in romance movies, I think it works well here. And by that I mean it's only minimally painful.

I do wish Bill Pullman would get his act together and take initiative. At one point, he realizes his brother ain't all that into Sandra Bullock's character, but he doesn't go to Sandra and express this? Like I get protecting your brother, but seriously dude?

Also the old not-grandpa has got some nerve orchestrating all this and then leaving it up to Sandra to get herself out of the mess. Not cool.

Rating: 8/10 cats 🐈

Anzie: Now it’s a given fact that anyyy movie with Sandra Bullock is amazing. Even if said movie is mildly irritating like this one was. I’m not gonna lie- is it the best classic romance movie of the 90s- no—— but I loved it- Sandra Bullock’s character is so cute and awkward. And Peter Gallagher is so young. And somehow even a younger Bill Pullman looks like an old man (as I google him I realize he was 40, but whatevs). The premise is so insane and weird and death inducing cringe level if you really had to live through it. And I love how away the situation gets- and it’s all cute when you think the brother might really know what’s going on. but. The continuous misunderstandings between them is annoying. And the godfather guy?? Giant sneak. Huge liar. Employee of Satan. Take your pick- he’s it. And Joey jr. Just Wow. I liked how intense the family was and that Sandra Bullocks character embraced that rather than being like gawd his family is sooo annoying. All in all I thought it was a cute and funny movie although it made me wanna scream at times. Also the wedding scene??? Wow. And these people never kiss. Never have a date. Never say I love you. Never OUTRIGHT say how they feel. THeY JUSt sHaRE liTtLe DoE EyED gLaNCeS and bam Let’s get Married! I wish. Anyway. We’ve seen wayyyyyyy worse and I had a good time.

Rating: 6.5/10 Cats 🐈

#movie #movie review #film #film review

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animeyanderelover · 2 years

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Maybe his for kotaro,skeptic, and Nana shimura (BNHA)?

I actually don’t really like Kotaro but it isn’t to the point where I feel uncomfortable writing about him.

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessiveness, obsessiveness, delusions, paranoia, manipulation, strictness, control, stalking, overprotective behavior, abuse, abduction, killing

Yandere Bnha Hc’s

Shimura Nana

💛Three main attributes that really make up Nana are her awareness, her protective streak and the fact that she sort of stays away from her s/o, even stalking is kept on a low profile. The reason is a very simple one: she doesn’t want her darling to get into danger because of her. As a hero and the current inheritor for One For All, she attracts the unwanted and dangerous attention from villains, especially All For One. Her darling should never misunderstand her intentions, they aren’t unwanted and Nana would never leave them to be a hero but her life isn’t fitting for her darling unless they’re a trained hero themselves. There are those times where Nana is gone for a long while though she isn’t completely gone without a life sign. Small letters or a few flowers are a reminder that she is still there, that she is still watching.

💛You could call it a selflessness that Nana has on her even if she is in pain by leaving you so often alone. The whole relationship is kept as discreet as possible, Nana doesn’t like to push you into unwanted attention and additionally she fears that you’ll be made a target not only by paparazzi but also villains. So much more lenient in comparison to many other Yandere in general as well. It isn’t only because she is a kind woman but also because with her lifestyle it would be difficult anyways to restrict you any rights. There is never a need or a longing for her to control your life in any way, the only thing she will fight for is your love and even in regards of this she worries sometimes. Being together with her can be hard so she probably thinks a few times a day that she, even if not a bad lover, isn’t the ideal partner for you either.

💛Nana genuinely doesn’t belong into the jealous area. Her darling is allowed to socialize a lot, it is even encouraged from her side simply because she can be sure that at least they have some persons when she disappears for a while again. I think she’d even understand it if her s/o would gain feelings for someone else in her absence even if it doesn’t soothe the pang of pain she feels in her heart. Nana wants people who can make you happy, something she isn’t able to do all the time because she is busy with her hero work and her slight worries that you’ll get mixed up in her world. Considering how she even prefers spending time in your home or somewhere more secluded, she never manages to experience an encounter with flirty or attracted people. In more cases she reacts more protective than jealous and even if she gets jealous, she always manages to swallow it back.

💛She has promised to save citizen from villains and in her career she’s beaten up those who break the laws more than just once and out them into jail. Nana is a compassionate woman after all, one with a great sense of justice and so she’d never hurt those who are good and innocent. That being said, she can give someone a rather sturdy lecture if they haven’t behaved in front of you and during those times she can be just a little bit scary. She forgives if a person apologizes to you and minds their behavior in the aftermath since she is open to listen to other opinions outside of your own and is able to feel empathy.

💛She doesn’t have the time, the effort and the heart to kidnap her darling at all. She wants to keep them out of her business as much as possible so another person might think that she’d assume that you’d be the safest with her. That isn’t the case though, Nana never feels entitled to you or arrogant like that. With kidnapping comes also loneliness and isolation, mental damage which she’d never want you to go through because of her. If your address should get leaked, she arranges some special protection, asks Gran Torino for help.

💛Just because she is a hero doesn’t mean that she is automatically very confident. She sometimes feels like she is incapable to give you what you desire and deserve because she has to work as a hero and because she doesn’t want to drag you into danger because of her. Nana wants her darling to be happy and even if she fantasizes and wishes that she is one of the main reasons why you’re happy, she knows that this isn’t the case. That makes her more appreciative of every little thing in the relationship, a longing and loving look you two share, a warm and comforting embrace or a gentle yet passionate kiss shared between you two. Each memory is treasured in her heart and she hopes for the next day she gets to spend with you. It doesn’t have to be anything special, just a day where she is only with you.

Shimura Kotaro

❌I feel like he’d be a total control freak and considering that his mother left him in foster care at a very young age, he’s also quite possessive of his darling. He’s been left before by his own mother and his sadness has over time developed to hatred against all heroes so he doesn’t let his s/o even dream about heroes nor does he want them to mention them much, especially in a positive light. For Kotaro heroes are people who will just leave their own family behind for the sake of saving people they don’t even know and deep down he is sort of afraid that his s/o will end up leaving him to potentially become a hero themselves. To prevent that idea from even popping up, he resorts to quite literally taking monitoring their life as close as possible to get rid of the glorified image of heroes.

❌He’s not above being manipulative and even degrading and verbally abuse about it. He just hates heroes and he won’t be left behind again from a person he loves just because they want to play the role of a savior of society. I do take him for being someone who is lucid and reflects on his actions but his resentment is too strong and often he can’t hold himself back from turning intimidating and scary, he’s terrified deep down and in the process he ends up terrifying his s/o as well. He’s probably not even above turning physically violent because when he is really pissed he just drags his s/o away and locks them away in a room.

❌Kotaro probably doesn’t get jealous as long as his darling doesn’t return the attention they’re given or rejects the attempt of the person and the other person understands the clue. He’s even somewhat fine with his darling having friends but he is the type who cuts off contacts he doesn’t like and also sort of controls the people his s/o can hang out with or the places they can go and how long. Even if you do try to keep friends who go against his expectations, Kotaro probably manages to scare them away one way or another because especially if they worship heroes or are fans he will extremely hostile and coldly rude to them. He is genuinely terrifying when it comes to his reaction to being jealous as well. His glare could kill a person or two and whilst he is smart enough to not catch negative attention in public, he can turn more physical and loud if he confronts someone in private. Part of his ire might even be turned against you if you didn’t behave the wrong way.

❌He was ready to abuse his own family so I don’t see the reason why he’d hesitate to go physical against people who are a hindrance in his relationship with you either. He has a set of rules that he wants his darling to obey and if there is someone who he deems to be a bad influence, Kotaro is more than just ready to push and frighten said hindrance away so he can avoid pointless arguments and fights with you. He is a businessman and it was shown that he was rather rich and with money and his higher position he can solve some problems.

❌Your house becomes your prison. Kotaro decides or at least wants to decide when you go out and with whom and in most cases he accompanies you for the extra step of control and reassurance that you don’t go against his wishes and displease him. He has no problem in intimidating and scaring you, has no problem in locking you in a room for a few hours as a punishment and hurting you with his iron grip and his insults in the process.

❌As long as his darling isn’t someone who is rather obedient and loves him enough to forgive everything the relationship will be rather tense and strained. He notices your fear and he does tend to feel bad for it but he just doesn’t know any other way to handle his situation. He doesn’t understand how people can glorify heroes who trait family and their own children for people they don’t even know. He calls you heartless, a terrible person and much more if you should ever mention the dream to become a hero yourself or that you adore heroes. He has money so he provides what his darling needs and sometimes he does go the extra mile of being nice and buying them something that they wanted. Honestly, he’d probably feel the most comfortable if his darling would just stay at home all the time and become a house spouse.

Skeptic

💻Skeptic is obsessive and scheming. Something about his darling just fascinates him, there is something special about them that he wants to figure out and he despises failing in something so he is very thorough with his research. As a Company Board member with technical knowledge it is most likely not hard for him to hack certain accounts for more informations about you, he even uses his clone and uses his puppets to stalk you which enables him to watch you as well. It’s supposed to be only a little project of his but something about you enchants him and soon he finds himself spending countless hours in front of his laptop, watching on repeat footage he has from you with a scary grin on his face. He simply becomes obsessed with you and everything you embody.

💻It is because of the influence from his company, his Quirk, his technical knowledge and the organization he works for that he is rather dangerous. He can edit videos to his favor to put you or people he doesn’t want near you in a bad position and his puppets who can look very human-like are another good way to put you or others into awkward and uncomfortable situations. I’d say that he even has a little sadistic vein because something about his s/o getting paranoid when they start to feel like they’re being watched or their desperation, disappointment and pain when they lose someone or are in a bad situation because of him gives him a little thrill.

💻He strikes as someone who views his darling as his property so he gets highly irritated whenever he sees someone doing as much as touching what is his. His reaction is nothing short of creepy and unnerving because he has such a short string of patience, he is possessive after all and less jealous, maybe because he is rather confident that he’ll rid himself of every annoying insect in his way. His eyes suddenly pop up behind his ear and he just stares intensely at whoever had the audacity to touch you. If he is watching the person in real life and not through a screen they’ll probably get the feeling of cold shivers, a sudden dry throat and paranoia from his gaze alone.

💻Absolutely ruthless, he has little mercy if at all. Due to him being sadistic I do think he will have a preference for destroying someone slowly as long as he believes them to be someone who won’t be able to resist much. His influence and his skills in editing videos and coming up with believable stories can harm the reputation of a person permanently and if he has had his fun ridiculing and mocking them in front of his laptop he sends his puppets to finish the person. Chances are that he’ll have a video call with the person shortly before he kills them simply to see their reaction to his reveal. Chikazoku isn’t sloppy, he hides his traces carefully because an interference from the government and heroes would be a more difficult story for him to handle.

💻He’s coming for you sooner or later, it all depends how long he’ll last before he’s getting impatient. He is not impulsive though, he plans tactically, comes up with a story for your sudden disappearance to avoid the chance of the heroes finding out about where you are and butting in and chances are that he’ll invent a rather nasty idea about why you are suddenly not there anymore. Precautions to make a potential escape attempt more difficult because if you have no one to turn to besides him, there isn’t much choice for you. He’s so excited as soon as the plan is set into motion and weirdly welcoming and friendly as soon as you are in a room with him, nice enough to explain everything to you.

💻He’s taken measurements against any Quirk you might have. He believes that people are allowed to use Quirks so he’d never search for something to suppress your Quirk but that doesn’t make it necessarily easier for you. He isn’t physically abusive, likes to have a psychological warfare with you from time to time if you become too defiant. Footage from people he has tortured and killed because they were too close to you for his taste or spreading rumors about you online and filming reactions of your family or showing you the comments in the internet about it. Chikazoku can be very overt with his friendliness as long as everything goes as planned but if you ever notice him about to fail in something he turns into a horrifying maniac.

#yandere my hero academia #yandere mha #yandere boku no hero academia #yandere bnha #yandere nana #yandere shimura nana #yandere kotaro #yandere shimura kotaro #yandere skeptic #yandere tomoyasu #yandere chikazoku tomoyasu

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