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biohazardousvoidwithfangs · 2 years

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is there any way to heal the schizoid dilemma at all? like I mean is there any way to relieve the engulfment feeling or to make it occur less often? to like increase the threshold for it to appear? I’m not sure I’m making any sense. Is the schizoid dilemma something that exposure therapy can help with? if you throw yourself into situations, force yourself to be social and push through the violent urge to ghost everyone and isolate, does the feeling get better over time? Or is that a sure fire way to make yourself feel drastically worse?

I tried to google therapy for schizoids and everything seems to be … very much from an outsiders perspective, someone with no clue of the actual inner thought processes or how to soothe those. It’s more about how to gaslight the schizoid (with cbt) into appearing normal than it is to help them dissociate less or to feel less stress around socializing (or maybe it’s just me) So I can’t find any good answers. And I don’t know where that leaves me

#actuallyschizoid #actuallynd #schizoid #schizoid personality disorder #fey talks #I feel like I’m too self aware for my own food #for my own good #like I am painfully aware that socializing makes me dissociate #but that isolating myself causes me to lose touch of reality and my sense of self starts to degrade #socializing makes me feel suffocated and choked but being alone feels isolating and alienating #I know I should want friends that friends are good for me #but all I can think about it is how much work it is and how much I hate texting people #idk #I’m just so tired #i wish there was a fix #or a way to mitigate the pain #I’m not interested in cbt gaslighting myself #these are real issues stemming from real childhood trauma #it’s just who I am at this point #it’s not trauma I can heal from #not in the way most people seem to be able to #I don’t think I’ll ever stop experiencing the schizoid dilemma #but gods I wish I could make it hurt less

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the-busy-ghost · 2 years

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You know I used to beat myself up a bit for not reading/studying enough, and especially for wasting time during my teenage years because I stopped reading/trying and now have to catch up when it no longer matters or can do any good.

But I’m slowly realising of late that there are a lot of books I’m glad I never read before I was ready to seek them out myself. Currently reading “Wuthering Heights” and I am so so glad I didn’t read that book in high school- I would have wildly misinterpreted the premise (even if I liked it), and that would have been a great disservice to the author and the book itself. Now I can really try to understand it on a different level and I think I will only grow to appreciate it more in time.

#Also- I'm not quite finished it so I might be wrong in this but don't think so- having read it myself #I feel like social media and popular culture (or at least the opinions I have heard personally) do a real disservice to Emily Bronte #She often gets painted as if she were romanticising Cathy and Heathcliff's relationship for some bizarre reason #The narrator may be an unreliable one but the whole tone of the book shows that there are sooo many problems with their relationship #I won't say Emily Bronte CONDEMNS the relationship- I doubt she would do anything so stuffy and Victorian #But she's very clear about showing us how toxic their relationship was (and Heathcliff's character in particular)#But also how it stems from longstanding childhood abuse and neglect as well as issues of class and gender #And how nobody in the book no matter how nice can really claim to be exempt from blame on some level #As they all participate in a society that treats children as property and turns a blind eye to abuse #Or at the very least washes its hands saying 'well it's sad but that's the law and it's really the parent/master's problem'#And that abuse and neglect turns Heathcliff into a genuinely abysmal and horrifying person #Cathy's not in the same league but she's still a rather unpleasant person in the grand scheme of things #That being said! They are both sympathetic in different ways even as adults #They have some good qualities even under all that horror and Cathy in the end really does cut a pitiful figure #Let her breathe in the open air #Also like I think Bronte gives us a good idea of how things wouldn't necessarily be solved if Heathcliff and Cathy had stayed together #The effects of their childhood traumas have shaped them #Heathcliff sees anyone who isn't absolutely for him as being against him and would expect Cathy not just to be loyal but utterly partisan #Cathy must have her way and I don't think she would take kindly to Heathcliff disagreeing with her idea of what was best for them #Maybe I've just been reading the wrong media but because of its popular image I went into this book expecting to have to struggle through #some bizarre romanticisation of a toxic relationship where the reader is expected to totally fall in love with Heathcliff and excuse him #Or where Cathy is some kind of author's self-insert or the twentieth-century stereotype of how All Women Are Repressed And Only Want Sex #How lucky I am that a) that's really really not the case and b) that I am reading it at an age where I won't misinterpret it #Or allow my own judgement of the book and its merits to be clouded by some English teacher's Accepted Intepretation of Literature #Not that other people's interpretations haven't been absolutely fascinating and helpful #The pop culture view I was given was definitely based on only one particular type of interpretation of the novel #Also why do so many film/tv adaptations of the book seem to leave out the second bit of the story with the children etc?#I didn't even know that it isn't set in the Victorian era but the late eighteenth century! (Even if Victorian mores are important)#And god I love an old Yorkshire farmhouse with a cavernous kitchen and a date on the door lintel and a strange family history #reading log

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jubileemon · 2 months

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Loona started off as a fan favorite, but as the series progressed, some hate her for being your typical "misunderstood teenage goth girl" who is bratty, temperamental and mistreats others around her as little more than nuisances, even her adoptive father, Blitzo.

Background and Trauma

Loona exhibits a complex personality shaped by a traumatic upbringing. Her behavior is rooted in her experiences at the Hellhound Adoption Foundation, where she was raised by uncaring caretakers. Devoid of affection and subjected to violence for disobedience, Loona's formative years were marred by isolation and mistreatment. This harsh reality of her childhood in the orphanage left her with deep-seated trust issues and an inability to properly give or receive love, influencing her interactions with others, including her adoptive father Blitz.

The so-called "adoption center" looks like a cross between a run-down dog pound and a juvenile detention center, with most of the hellhounds Blitzo sees looking malnourished or deformed. When he sees Loona, her cellmate is threatening her with a bloody nail bat before she flings him at the bars, growling and then she starts crying, looking more like a frightened, feral dog than anything. The social worker's indifferent description of her in her emotionally dead tone doesn't help, saying all this directly in front of Loona's cell, and only highlights how lonely Loona's life had been for almost eighteen years.

Loona's living space gets more tragic the longer you look at it. The back and side walls are covered in tally marks scratched into the tile. And there's a typical "Hang in there!" poster ripped with obvious claw marks, making it clear Loona had long given up hope of being adopted into a family. There are some drawings on the walls of Loona with storm clouds above her head and a giant version of her stomping on a city. Either they were drawn by Loona in which case they show just how frustrated and fed up with the world she has become over the years, or they were drawn by the other hellhound kids who only see her as a vicious monster.

The fact that this place is essentially a pound and not an adoption place paints Loona's situation as much grimmer. They're not treated as individuals but as animals and would normally just leave as rescued dogs. When the social worker mentions that Loona will age out it's implied that it doesn't mean that she's exactly leaving safe & sound.

You can also see that Loona takes a look at her tally marks, and as it lines up with the social worker's statement on her aging out, it wordlessly states Loona knows about this. Whether she's put to sleep or kicked out ownerless, it's a cloud of pitch-black dread she can do nothing about except countdown to.

The social worker's dialogue makes it clear how hellhounds are treated in this world. They're not treated as sentient individuals; instead, they're valued for either being strong laborers or cute family pets. Loona is both strong and beautiful, but being a self-actualized person with internal struggles and self-preservation instincts makes her undesirable. For an imp, one of the lowest creatures in Hell's hierarchy, to be able to adopt a hellhound as a pet or servant shows that despite their strength, they're seen and treated as even lower than imps.

If Blitzo hadn't adopted her, Loona would apparently have "aged out of the system" and been "out of the kennel's hair". This could simply mean that Loona would be kicked out, but given a mix of how scared she looked, the way hellhounds are treated in this setting and what sometimes happens to real dogs when they're deemed too old for adoption…

Personality

Loona's past manifested in various aspects of her demeanor. Her reluctance to perform her job may stem from a newfound appreciation for freedom, contrasting with her previously constrained life. Her agreessive nature, particularly towards characters like Moxxie, can be seen as a defensive mechanism, a way to assert control in situations where she might feel vulnerable.

Blitzo's adoption of her before she aged out ensured her gratitude and was why she didn't leave him. But years of hardship have made it hard for her to open up to him properly. Despite her tough exterior, moments of genuine vulnerability reveal her social awkwardness and desire for connection, which she struggles to navigate due to her lack of social experience.

Loona is shown throughout the series to have a strong aversion to being touched, reacting either with threatening growls or violence. However, her aversion to being touched might've stem from her past in the adoption center, yet she can handle being touched when she's the one initiating the contact, as seen when she allows Octavia to hug her and then holds her hand through the portal. That being said, she never reacted aggressively to Blitzo's affections beforehand, so this felt out of place, even for her.

Social Skills

Loona seems to be hiding some deep insecurities and feelings of loneliness, having never had any friends before meeting Vortex and briefly glancing with visible sadness at a picture of an happy family in "Murder Family", which implies Loona does wish to have good relationships in her life, but is unable to due to her tendency to see the bad in people and vent out her frustrations on others, including (and, arguably, especially) those who try to be nice or fatherly to her, like her adoptive father Blitzo.

However, after having been friend-zoned by Vortex, Loona didn't resent him and kept in touch with him, becoming great friends with him and going to parties with him, which might be making her more open to people and less hostile, as she's gradually becoming less rude and apathetic towards her co-workers.

Father-Daughter Relationship

Blitzo is her adoptive father, but she almost always refers to him by his name since she doesn't like showing the fact that she cares about him. That said, there are times where she slips up: on Instagram, she was so worried about him being kidnapped that she straight out called him "dad", though she immediately tried to walk it back out of embarrassment by claiming she was just upset that food was running low in their home. In "Spring Broken", she was so flustered with seeing Vortex that she almost slipped and called Blitzo "dad" before catching herself.

Once, she showed to be more than capable of both showing affection to and taking care of Blitzo: when he became severely intoxicated at Vortex and Queen Bee-lzebub's party to numb his pain after having rejected Stolas, she drove and carried him back to I.M.P. headquarters, set him on the couch and covered him with a blanket. When Blitzo shared his insecurities regarding loneliness and asked her if she'd be by him once he met his end, Loona promised him she would, showing her seriousness and true care by willingly calling him "dad".

Sisterly Bond

For the longest time, Loona and Octavia never met each other, only being connected to each other through their dads being in a rather complicated relationship with each other. This changed one day when Octavia snuck into I.M.P.'s office to obtain her father's grimoire so she can watch a meteor shower on Earth on her own. Loona actually spots Octavia trying to sneak in, but deliberately chooses not to say anything (partly because of lingering anger from a discussion she had with her father earlier).

As Loona approaches Octavia when she finally finds her, she's incredibly gentle with the girl and even compliments her on her photos. Loona rags on Blitzo at the beginning of "Seeing Stars", even physically assaulting him. But on Earth, she ultimately does do what he wants in finding Octavia, confiding in her that she recognizes that Blitzo is trying to be a good dad to her. It's as close as Loona gets to admitting that maybe things with Blitzo aren't as bad as she's ever gotten.

When Loona asks Octavia if she's ready to go while extending her hand out to her, Octavia gives the grimoire over to Loona and hugs her, glad to have someone who listened to her and can relate to. Previous episodes have shown that Loona does NOT like physical affection, shown most often with Blitzo. Yet here, Loona accepts and even returns Octavia's hug with no resistance whatsoever. It's even better since Loona was the one who initiated the contact. She holds her hand out to Octavia twice as though to help her stand up and looks a little confused when Octavia instead hands her the book the first time.

Conclusion

So far, I can see that Loona's character among fans is kinda mixed. While some viewers are sympathetic with her traumatic past and understand her defensive behavior, others find her attitude off-putting, which is understandable. It's also understandable that due to her recent absence and lack of dialogues during the second season, Loona's VA was probably given time to grieve due to the losing her partner and probably a busy schedule with other projects.

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sophieinwonderland · 7 days

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about the ask that was talking about host-centrism and where you brought up that a lot of singlets take that and add the idea that "the host is the only real one" reminds me of how a lot of the community views the term "core." for context, in our system we do have a core. our core isnt one of our 3 hosts. we dont know if we have been plural since very early childhood or if we became plural in middle teenagehood, but either way our core feels that term is right for her. now with the term core, we have seen a bit of hate for it because people say "there is no 'original', we are all real." and of course, yes, all our headmates are real! but for us we do have a headmate that identifies with our pre-plural self. we wouldnt use the term "original" but the term core makes sense for how our system works.

i would say this is a sysmed idea but ive seen endogenics also disagree with the idea of a core. i feel like this could stem from the singlet idea you brought up of "only the host is real." i think some plurals are uncomfortable with the idea of a pre-plural self because of that. and idk i just think thats an interesting possible result of the singlet idea. and as someone who isnt in a tulpa system but still has a pre-plural self, i think the comparisons of experiences with that is interesting as well!

- anonymousfield (sorry i always add long, mostly off topic paragraphs to your conversations lol)

That's a pretty solid analysis!

And yeah, I'm pretty sure that most tulpa systems, like us, probably have cores.

And I think the term core is very useful since, as you touch on, a host and core aren't the same thing. You can have someone who was there from the beginning and is the core, but isn't a host anymore.

I'm honestly not sure where the idea that there isn't a core comes from. I see a lot of people saying it. But I've never seen a solid source.

Of course, some systems don't have cores, don't know who the core is, or have splintered cores where multiple headmates could claim to be the core. That's completely valid! Some will have cores and some won't. But it does feel that systems with cores are often given the shaft in this community sometimes.

And I think you hit the nail on the head with that interpretation...

Although... I might add that maybe systems are a bit responsible for that too.

Many systems experience denial. And I could see some hosts latching onto the idea that they're the only "real" one, leading to a ton of internal conflict.

So I'd agree that, yeah, this is mostly an issue because of ableist singlets. But I also think it might be blowback from systems themselves using the concept of a core to justify self-denial. (And possible even trauma from that.)

#syscourse #pro endogenic #pro endo #sysblr #multiplicity

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romanarose · 4 months

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Inner Youth

No Outbreak!Joel x fem!reader

Join my taglist : Masterlist

Summery: You lead an extremely shelters childhood and youth, homeschooled and not allowed to partake in a lot of things other people your age had. This has left you disconnected from your generations. Maybe that's why you like older men.

Or

Joel watched Mean Girls with you.

Warnings: Brief mentions of religious trauma and family issues stemming from that. Mentions of homophibia and sexism.

Immersibility: Reader is fem and afab.

A/N: I was homeschool v strict most of my life so this is personal lol

**************

Texas didn't often have snow, but that's climate change for you. Another thing you were taught growing up wasn't real. The snow in Texas certainly didn't help anything, no matter how many times you tried to explain to the old men at the cafe that this was actually a sign of climate change, no one listened to you. Your family certainly didn't, the first time you'd admitted you believed it was real and they called you a dirty commie. You weren't entirely sure what communism had to do with climate change, but you leaned not to question it. They didn't even want you going to college in the first place but that movie secured that you would get no support as long as you were in a "liberal indoctrination school."

Joel listened to you, though.

You'd met him while waiting tables at the cafe he often went to for lunch. Sometimes he was alone, sometimes with his brother, sometimes with his daughter, who you later learned was about your age. That's why Joel was hesitant to date you, he didn't want to be a creep.

You were hesitant to date him too, not thinking that an older, southern man was going to mesh well with your own ideals. Addmittedly, you put him in a box with all the old, southern men you grew up around. Quickly, however, you learned he was not like them.

Firstly, Joel respected women. It was shocking to you how proud he was when he told you on an early date that his daughter got into a STEM masters program. You had gone for teaching, something that placated your family because they thought you would homeschool your children just like they had homeschooled you. A masters degree was out of the question, and STEM was for men.

Another sign was when he mentioned a few of his friends and casually said "Tess, Bill and his husband Frank". Later, you'd learned one of his daughter's friends that Joel had largely taken in, Ellie, was also gay, and none of this seemed to phase Joel at all. When it came to meeting your friend who was non-binary, Joel admitted he didn't really understand being trans or gender but was willing to learn. Most importantly, however, was the fact that it didn't matter if he got it or not, he called them what they wanted to be called, and treated them with respect.

That was the thing with Joel. You learned he was a young, and even before then he was busy taking care of his younger brother after his mom dad and his dad was a useless alcohalic. Joel didn't have time to form opinions on a lot of things. All he knew was to just be kind, and go from there. When Sarah and Ellie grew up and went to college, Joel suddenly had more time to spend with men his age, and was frankly disgusted.

Hadn't those words fallen out of vogue?

Why were they talking about women like that when they were married?

You disowned your son for wearing a skirt?

It wasn't until Tommy introduced him to Tess, and through Tess Bill and Frank that he found a group of people who thought more like him. They didn't have to get it to not be a dick.

So, you and Joel made a good couple.

It was easy with him. You didn't fight, you talked things through like adults, he didn't accuse you of being hysterical or downplay your feelings, he just listened. The way you grew up made you angry and defensive, and when you explained more of this to him, he understood better.

Nights like this were your favorites. You and Joel had been making your way through several shws you thought you'd both like. Shows like Succession, Breaking Bad, Narcos, but this movie was his idea.

Lights were off, central heating was off, you and Joel using a space heater instead to heat the bedroom under a pile of covers. Texas was not equipped to handle much snow, so you were doing your part to not overwhelm the cities electricity, lest there be blackouts. You still had your own apartment, but this was a great excuse to stay with Joel most nights. Besides, he lived near the school you taught at so he drove you to work and picked you up every day. It was all so domestic.

Ellie and Sarah had visited this weekend, Sarah making a movie reference Ellie and Joel laughed at, but you didn't. This was a common occurrence. Shows and movies allowed in your home were pretty minimal, and despite the last 5 years to catch up, you still could never fully 'get' pop culture references around you. You had accepted the fact you would always be a little on the outside of your generation, especially with other girls.

When they realized you hadn't seen it, Ellie's eyes were wide as she asked, 'Really?!' and you saw Sarah subtly nudge her. Ellie meant to harm, but had less of a filter than Sarah did.

So, when Joel and you settled on the bed, you resting your head on Joel's plump belly, Joel asked if you wanted to watch Mean Girls.

"Phht, you don't wanna watch Mean Girl, Joel-y"

You knew he loved you because he lets you call him Joel-y. "Yes I do!" You feel his belly bounce with laughter under you. "It's a good movie, Used to watch it with Sarah all the time."

You're glad he convinced you, because when Regina George got hit with a bus, you laughed so hard you farted.

"I never knew how many memes came from this movie. Get in loser, we're going shoping, raise your hand if you've ever been personally victimized,"

"You go Glen Coco."

"Yeah" You giggle with a smile, an arm wrapped around the swell of his stomach like you might hold a teddy. "It's frick'n funny" All these years out of it, you still can't bring yourself to say fuck. You noticed Joel doesn't say it either. Whether it's from his southern baptist upbringing or because he knows you won't say it, you aren't sure. Ellie and Tommy certainly have no problem.

"We can keep doing this, y'know." Joel says and the movie credits roll, his hand stoking your hair.

You begin to drift off, mumbling sleepily. "Do what?"

"Watch movies and shows you missed out on. Even the girlie ones."

You cran your head to look up at him. "Hm?"

"I mean," Joel moved you off him for a moment, making you pout, but it was only long enough to turn off the tv and settle into a sleeping position. "That Sarah and Ellie are your age, I know at least the big movies and shows the kids were into."

"Joel..." You shake your head. "I love you, but you don't wanna sit around watching shitty teen movies from the 2000's with me."

He kissed the crown of your head. "And you and Frank didn't want to watch doomsday preppers with me and Bill for 5 hours but we did. I'd sit through all of Glee if it meant you felt less left out. I just want you to be happy."

Smiling, you nuzzled in against his softness, feeling safe and warm and cared for in Joel's grasp. "I mean... I wouldn't complain if you wanted to watch The Notebook..."

"The Notebook it is, baby. Now, get some sleep. First day back at school tomorrow."

You groan dramatically just to feel his chuckle again. "Those kids are lucky I love them."

"They sure are."

*****************

This was supossed to be a quick thing but then there was a long backstory and now i wanna write more XD maybe scenes of Joel recreating memories that reader never got from being homeschooled or sheltered.

I had a similar idea last year with Benny Miller actually haha.

Anway, my usual tag list BUT tagging a few people I thought may also enjoy

@fandxmslxt69 @runa-falls @k-ra @whatthefishh @ahookedheroespureheart @mikaelak @littlenosoul @stevenandmarcslove @pikapuff-316 @del-ightfulling @faretheeoscar @harriedandharassed @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @campingwiththecharmings @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @milly-louise @casa-boiardi @joeldjarin @mrs-oharaxx @pedge-page @ninebluehearts

#Joel miller #jole miller x reader #tlou #tlou fanfiction #joel fanfiction #joel miller x reader fluff #fluff #tlou fluff #the last of us #tlou hbo #caretaker joel #dad joel #joel miller x you #fem reader #joel the last of us #no outbreak!joel miller #no outbreak au #joel miller fluff #cw religous trauma

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starfxkr · 23 days

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ok to add my take onto rafe being mentally il (disclaimer that i have neither of these disorders but it’s just based on what i’ve seen and research) — i think he’s schizoaffective w borderline personality disorder.

i think his aggression and a lot of his internal issues (being prone to violence, abusing drugs, seeking validation through incredibly destructive methods) stem from trauma that occured due to both of these illnesses being ignored and neglected during his childhood (as ward continues to do even in rafe’s adulthood).

i think he has bpd cuz of his likeliness to aggression and seeming acceptance of that, but i don’t think he’s sociopathic cuz he does feel guilt at times for said acts (e.g him crying to kie ab shooting sarah even though he claimed he didn’t care to ward — he essentially did a whole 180 regarding his guilt and the build up of emotions came out fairly later from the actual event).

and i think he’s schizoaffective cuz he has multiple scenes in which there are overlapping voices and distorted effects which make it seem like he’s getting stuck in his own head/forced by internal ‘voices’ into making destructive decisions. i’m not sure if that was the intended effect of said scenes but it also makes sense cuz of the fact that rafes told ward he thinks he’s ‘not okay’ and hasn’t been since childhood — like there’s something inside of him motivating this evil/creating it, rather than coming from rafe himself.

he also definitely has parental issues on both sides, we’ve seen enough of it w ward but there’s a lot of ambiguity surrounding his real mother, and clearly he doesn’t like rose 💀.

I truly have nothing to add because this is so right like I know I be making jokes abt him being a paranoid schizophrenic but in actuality like..rafe does swing wildly between guilt and callousness so quickly and its very much based on the people around him! hes desperate for some sort of approval and I say it all the time but you can tell he wishes he loved Sarah. hes so interesting to me.

#✨.txt #meta #shellxrls

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spop-romanticizes-abuse · 4 months

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that whole “catra's redemption has only begun” excuse pisses me off. because even if you only wrote the beginning of the redemption and the rest of it happens after the finale, the beginning has to be promising.

i've talked about simon from infinity train here, but now let me talk about grace. grace was also a character whose redemption had “only begun” by the end of the finale. it's clear from her number that she has a LONG way to go before she can leave the train. she needed to work on a lot of her issues and this includes correcting all her toxic behaviour.

but what we get so far of her redemption was satisfying, it was promising. we see her bond with hazel and begin to respect denizens as real people, instead of treating them like disposables as she used to. when she finds out that hazel was also a denizen, she comforts hazel and tries to keep it a secret from simon, knowing how apathetic he can be.

there is a moment of regression for grace where she yells at hazel and calls her a null, in order to save face in front of simon. and guess what? hazel doesn't forgive her for this. she simply leaves with amelia. grace begs her to come back and promises and she won't repeat her mistake, but hazel makes up her mind and just leaves. while the question of forgiveness doesn't really crop up, i don't think hazel forgave grace. she wasn't forced to do it.

by the end of the season, grace admits to her flaws and apologizes to simon for misleading him all this time. however, she also acknowledges that while she played a part in all of this, simon's actions weren't her responsibility. simon chose to hurt and kill people, even when grace told him not to.

but i digress. simply put, it is possible to write an “incomplete” redemption arc and still make it look promising. grace wasn't a good person in the finale by any means, but she was actively working on being one. she wasn't forgiven by any of her victims, she doesn't get a happy ending with any of them. she simply has to continue working on her flaws and sort out her personal issues (a lot of her behaviour also stemmed from childhood trauma and neglect btw) until she could leave the train and hopefully start a new life.

catra, on the other hand, doesn't even try. she doesn't try to correct her toxic behaviour, she doesn't try to fix the problems she had caused, she doesn't try to earn people's trust and forgiveness. she is just handed all of this on a silver platter. she continues being a whiny ass, making every situation about herself and lashing out at people with no restraint, and the other characters just.. keep forgiving her. because she's a cute kitty cat who has been through a lot.

just switching sides isn't enough “redemption”. because at the end of the day, that's all catra did, she just stopped working for the horde. she didn't change anything else about herself but apparently this is enough for the everyone to coddle her and put up with her abuse.

#spop critical #spop salt #spop #spop criticism #spop discourse #she ra #anti catra #anti spop #anticatra

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kafus · 3 months

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i'm thinking about this image i drew ages ago (like in 2021 or something. the art is so old. help) and how much it frustrates me. i think i really missed the mark on what i was trying to convey

i still agree with the intention behind this art, like i was trying to convey that DID is not eternal torment with evil alters trying to possess you and make your life a living hell as is often stereotypically thought, and actually i have supportive and loving alter experiences, in my case literally being in a romantic relationship with an alter.

but the way that i framed it was as a dichotomy where only one or the other is true. this was partially for the comedic effect of the sharp contrast and like... its ability to be easily consumed on social media (something i unfortunately cared a lot more about back then) REALLY influenced this image's presentation. but that's just not accurate and i didn't view it as two direct opposing sides at the time either, despite my flawed art.

DID is a fucking nightmare sometimes where my alters hurt me (there is nuance to this, even persecutors are trying to protect themselves or simply repeating what they've learned from trauma, but i digress) or i feel like i'm being possessed. sometimes "what people think DID is like" is how DID is, without any overtly magical elements of course, and the real issue is that people ONLY see DID that way and cannot see DID as a wide range of experiences from positive to negative.

really i just want people to see me as a whole person and accept that i have a really fucked up disorder stemming from childhood trauma which is bound to suck sometimes but also that i am still a person who experiences the full range of human emotion, including love and joy, and surprise surprise sometimes that is represented through my DID experiences too, which affects and ties into my entire life and identity.

this post is kind of messy, i'm just stream of consciousness-ing this shit, but tbh i'm just really irritated with the ye olde social media-ifying of my DID art and the oversimplification of my actual thoughts on the subject. i'm glad i've been moving away from that

#kiki was here #kiki.txt #to clarify this is not a self hating post or something #i appreciate my old art and my old thoughts #im just reflecting on how i would change this art now

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woodchipp · 6 months

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A CRITIQUE OF OMORI, PART 5: THE TRUE ENDING

NOTE: Reader discretion is advised. By clicking on “Keep reading”, you willingly choose to continue reading the post.

Choosing to continue after the final boss fight makes Sunny reconcile with the fact he killed Mari - which happens after he plays a duet with her over a PowerPoint slideshow showing the group's fluffy childhood memories for the umpteenth time - and finally muster up the courage to tell the truth to his friends. However, the game abruptly cuts to the credits just as he begins his confession, leaving the group’s reactions ambiguous. This is done to end the story on an open-ended note and leave whether Sunny's friends would forgive him up to interpretation, but as with the bad ending, this kind of ending just doesn’t work in a game such as OMORI.

As mentioned in my post about the plot twist, Sunny and his feelings are of central priority to the game's story at all times, even if it comes at the expense of other characters and their feelings. The true ending exemplifies this principle - we're not shown how the friend group, the characters as integral to the story as Sunny and Basil, react to Sunny dropping such a bombshell out of nowhere, but we are shown Sunny and Basil warmly smiling at each other as their guilt - their respective Somethings - disappears at last.

The story doesn't care that Sunny's friends spent four years earnestly believing they were too inattentive to take notice of how severe Mari's mental issues were. It doesn't care about Kel's own trauma stemming from Hero's outburst, or Aubrey's issues being exacerbated by Mari's "suicide", or Hero blaming himself since he thinks he failed the love of his life - at the end of the day, none of it matters because all the story cares about is that Sunny and Basil finally have their weight lifted off their shoulders. Sunny's confession is framed by the game as a huge accomplishment we're supposed to feel happy about while the harm his and Basil's actions have caused to their friends is glossed over.

By doing this, the game unintentionally implies Sunny's friends were never important to the story in the first place. Sure, Sunny seems to consider all of his friends equally important to him...

...but some of his friends are more equally important to him than the others.

One last thing to note is that the credits seem to indicate Sunny told his friends the truth shortly before moving town. This means that he also left Basil all alone to deal with the fallout of his confession... just like he left Basil alone to shoulder the aftermath of Mari's death after ruining the photo album. But they smiled at each other, so it's okay!

The only thing to change between the two endings is the way Sunny avoids taking responsibility, and the only real difference is that we're meant to feel good about this one.

It shouldn't be too surprising, I suppose. After all, as Omocat herself said...

#omori #omori game #omori sunny #sunny omori #omori kel #kel omori #omori aubrey #aubrey omori #omori hero #hero omori #omori basil #basil omori #omori mari #mari omori

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stranger-rants · 2 years

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The primary scene in which people have used to justify calling Billy Hargrove a “sociopath” is the infamous confrontation with The Party at the Byer’s house where Billy becomes very erratic and violent. There are two major problems with this point of view. One, sociopath is not a real, clinical term. It’s a term specific to “pop psychology” that undermines the complexity of personality disorders and trauma. Two, there’s a logical escalation to the violence in that scene, stemming from a single triggering event. I am going to discuss this below. This is not meant to justify what he said or did. It’s only meant to explain why Billy reacted the way he did.

To preface this explanation, I am a high school teacher. ~98% of the students I teach have some form of trauma. For this reason, I receive regular training on trauma informed instruction. The model I am going to be using in my explanation is usually used to understand why violence can escalate within a classroom setting specifically. It is designed to help us understand how to deescalate violent situations or even prevent them altogether. However, I think it can also be used to explain events outside of a classroom. So, I’m going to use it here and hopefully it makes sense. (It’s also just good practice for me, so if you think I’m doing too much I’m really just helping myself.)

I also would like to state before I begin my explanation that while what Billy did was wrong, it pales in comparison to the kind of violence I see within a given school year. I hear slurs on a daily basis. I’ve been called every horrible name you can think of. I have been physically assaulted and my property has been destroyed at work. My safety has been threatened on many occasion. Murder. Stabbings. Gang violence. Domestic violence. Drug smuggling. I have seen cases of it all in my career. To call all of this behavior “sociopathic” though ignores systemic issues within their community that make it more likely for violence to escalate. So that’s why this is important.

This is going to be less about Billy’s experiences with Adverse Childhood Experiences, and more about his violent behavior and why people like him experience severe dysregulation that may make them seem “sociopathic” to the average person. If you want to read about his ACEs, you can check out my ACEs tag which I will include in this post.

In trauma informed education, there’s something called Therapeutic Crisis Intervention (TCI) that aims to identify how a crisis occurs and how best to respond to it. TCI was developed in response to a desire to understand how to work with abused and neglected children. It is not flawless, but they do attempt to understand why violence escalates in reaction to stress in people. They use a model called the Stress Model of Crisis to map this out. Here it is:

On the y-axis, you have the degree of stress. On the x-axis, you have time duration. The more stress builds up over time, the more likely a person is to become violent if there’s no intervention. I’m not really going to talk about the interventions themselves because they’re usually provided by trained adults and no one in that scene was an adult and no one in that scene was trained and no one in that scene should be expected to react to the situation like a trained adult would because they’re not adults and it’s not their fault.

There’s a “pre-crisis state” in which you can expect a baseline of behavior out of an individual. This baseline is based upon what is typical for that person. For Billy, he’s typically stressed because he lives in an abusive household. Before the “triggering event” that leads to the confrontation at the Byer’s house, Billy is preparing for a date that he seems excited about. Then his father and his stepmother step into his space with minimal warning to ask about Max’s whereabouts.

This transitions into the triggering event, where Neil and Billy argue back and forth. It doesn’t matter that his parents might also have access to a car and they are legally responsible for Max, Billy is made responsible for her which Billy thinks is unfair. This is actually not unreasonable even if you don’t like his attitude. Neil escalates the situation and you can tell Billy is becoming agitated. Neil responds to this by physically abusing and humiliating Billy in front of Susan.

So, in a state of agitation Billy is expected to go find Max. This becomes worse when after looking all night for her, he finds her at a stranger’s house with a bunch of boys including Steve who is an older teen around his pre-teen sister. Billy and Steve exchange words which escalate Billy from a state of agitation to a state of aggression. Once someone moves into the escalation phase, you can expect to see more aggressive behaviors including yelling and threats which is exactly what Billy does. This phase is marked by a failure to cope.

This culminates in the crisis outburst phase where Billy becomes a danger to other people and himself. Billy embodies his trauma through his violence. We see this in the way he mirrors his mother fighting his father while she was surviving his abuse by throwing a plate at Steve as well as in the way he says no one tells him what to do despite us knowing Neil has significant control over his life. This phase is marked by “uncontrollable” violence that can not easily be stopped.

The only thing that forces Billy into the recovery phase is “medical” sedation. While you should never stab someone in the neck with a sedative and we know this was just done for dramatic effect, people who reach this phase are regularly medically sedated professionally and sent away for emergency psychiatric care. It’s a traumatic experience in itself, and the fortunate/unfortunate thing is that the way in which the “recovery” phase happens influences the outcomes for that person.

If someone is allowed to safely calm down and learn from their behavior through intervention by trained adults, they are more likely to have better outcomes. They’re more likely to be able to cope with stress and avoid these other phases. However, if “recovery” happens within the context of an abuser’s consequences and continued trauma then they’re not likely going to learn how to cope healthily with stress. It’s why Neil disciplining Billy makes Billy worse.

TL;DR:

Billy is not a sociopath. Once again, he’s an abused teenager who embodies his trauma in his violence. It’s important to recognize this not to excuse the harm but rather to prevent harm from continuing.

#billy hargrove #aces

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orbitfalls · 26 days

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Hello! I’m a new follower but I would love to hear more about how you view walaburga (I never know how to spell her name). I don’t often see her written as a complex character so that sounds super interesting!!

Hi love, welcome to my blog<33 if there's one single person out there i'm ALWAYS ready to talk about then it's the loml Walburga Black so buckle up!!!!!!

I'm very much with you on that she's rarely depicted as a complex character, which, sure enough, is certainly partly bc she's a horrible person, but robbing her of all complexity simply for the crime of being a bad mother doesn't sit right with me and never has... i feel like there's a lot of depth and anger and fear to be explored in her as a woman raised in a victorian-resembling patriarchal family and forced to marry- and have children with her own cousin. To me, she was - like most abusers - a victim first, and an abuser as a consequence of being so undone by trauma that she's unable to overcome centuries and centuries of generational trauma.

Okay to maintain structure in the rambles here comes some hcs of mine:

the way i view her, i think it makes a lot of sense that her control issues stem from experiencing sexual abuse throughout her childhood

due to this, she's very wary of people having power over her, and her greed for power - as well as her need to assert her power over her children, sirius in particular - is above all else a (deeply twisted obv) way of protecting herself

i think her and bella share some VERY fundamental similarities, HOWEVER the major difference, to me, is that walburga has the mind of a ruler whereas bellatrix will forever be a soldier

walburga's the oldest sister, she's incredibly protective of Alphard and cygnus, however her definition of protecting someone isn't always particularly in line with everyone else's

she's literally the tiniest little medieval princess-type of beauty, yet simultaneously the most absolutely loaded powerhouse of magic seen in a long fucking while in the history of magic

the point above is a well-known but rather shushed upon topic within the pureblood families due to her being the housewife of Orion, who's the real heir, and god forbid a woman outdoes the heir lmao

in relation to that, no one fucks with her. like genuinely, no one ever out right admits the terror she evokes in the pureblood ranks, but boy oh boy.

mountain lion patronus. no one talk to me okay this one's dear to me idk. this one i can't explain without frantically typing out a 2k analyzing essay that i'll spare you from tho ssjdjsjdh<33

ANYWAY if youre interested in walburga as a complex character with plenty of depths to explore (very dark ones tho, so tw!!!!), then she's one of the main characters of my black family character study Ultraviolence, in which all of the hcs above play a major role in her character and her relation to her brothers, children and husband<33 (not to mention to the black sisters, bella in particular!!)

#THANK YOU FOR THE ASK FOR THE RECORD I LOOOOVE YAPPING #walburga black the loml the absolute love!!!! of my life!!!!!!!!!#ultraviolence tag #walburga black #tw sa mention #you: asking a brief politely intrigued question #me - panting: *desperately hands you a crumbled old piece of paper full of frantic scribbles and blood stains in the corner* the loml

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lightyagamismentor · 10 months

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Open yourself up to love. You are someone's prayer getting manifested ღ

I know that you were never taught to be vulnerable. You operate from an unhealed place within yourself that encourages self-sabotage behaviors but who said that I wouldn't be patient with you? I don't care if it takes you months or years who said that I wouldn't encourage you to heal that part of you? it is not easy to let go of a deeply rooted negative mindset that stems from unresolved generational trauma but who said that I wouldn't offer you a place of comfort so that you can work through your issues & constantly evolve & transform & become the highest version of yourself? I live to love. If it is you whom the gods have chosen out of the billion beautiful people that exist, I will dearly and passionately love.

Now picture this .. there are millions of other people who love as deeply as me. You are loved by millions of me then <3 Millions of me are yearning to experience you before our death arrives & tomorrow is never promised. Where are you? we want to see you. We want to heal your wounds by a righteous touch and kiss your scars. Please show up.

don't rob yourself from experiencing the realness of the love that most people you meet have to give & offer. You are deserving of nice things even if that little negative voice in your head that comes from some kind of program of something you've been told during your childhood days says "no, you absolutely don't."

You have been living on survival mode for such a long time. Start opening yourself up to the possibilities. Show up for yourself in the name of love. Always.

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bthump · 1 year

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I don’t know if you have talked about this before but…

How do you think Guts’ daddy issues affected his relationship with Griffith?

It sounds weird but that’s what it is

I actually have talked about it before in a way here, but idk if it's in a way that actually answers your question.

So imo I think that Guts', I'm gonna say childhood trauma here but yk, potato potahto lol, definitely affected their relationship in a lot of ways. Like, Guts' whole character, particularly throughout the Golden Age, is such a thorough and consistent and just good continuation from his childhood that pretty much everything he does can be traced back to his years with Gambino. But to focus on his relationship with Griffith:

When they first meet Guts' swing first, ask questions later attitude stems from childhood - from Gambino's merciless training sessions, to telling Guts to "work hard" in contrast to the other mercenaries telling him to protect himself, to Gambino and the mercenary band turning on him, and especially to his helplessness when he was raped and his refusal to ever be put in that situation again.

He projects his rape trauma all over his first duel with Griffith.

His confusion when Griffith risks his life for him, the way he assumes he's just another soldier, and the way he sees his worth to Griffith solely in helping him achieve his goals, is a byproduct of Gambino only valuing him for the money he can bring in.

Which of course is also why it only takes one overheard speech for Guts' world to come crashing down and for him to be convinced despite all other evidence that Griffith looks down on him, because Gambino always looked down on him and that's exactly what he expects from those he loves and admires.

And why he assumes leaving the Hawks won't have any real consequences - again, he sees his worth solely in terms of what he can do with his sword, and he sees himself as unnecessary now that the fighting's over and the war's won.

Obviously there's the very explicit parallel explaining why he wants Griffith to "look at" him:

And I'm sure being called "cursed" all the time also contributes to his choice to leave on his own, considering he overheard Griff's speech in a fit of self-loathing after accidentally killing a kid.

There's this parallel:

Yk, Guts pedestalizes both of them, and is forced to confront his preconceived notions about them, twice - when both are vulnerable, and when both betray him.

And, of course, ultimately it's why it takes too damn long for Guts to finally accept that Griffith loves him - the last mercenary leader he loved only valued him as an asset, betrayed him, tried to kill him, and told him he should've died as an infant.

And then post-Eclipse I think - at least according to the Black Swordsman arc, before Casca was a gleam in Miura's eye - Guts' rage is partly fueled by connecting Griffith's betrayal to Gambino selling him to Donovan and trying to kill him. The parallels are very strong in the BS arc - ghosts saying he belongs to them; the concept of the sacrifice in general as functionally selling someone for something; escaping a group that wants him dead, lying down in the grass, and then getting up to kill some more things instead of letting himself die; and being called cursed/told he should've died vs the brand cursing him and ghosts/Femto telling him he should've died.

So yeah, I think that about covers it. Thanks for the ask!

#ask #anonymous #a #b #theme: parallels #theme: abuse #character: guts #character: gambino #character: griffith #theme: trauma #griffguts

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urostakako · 2 years

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shouldnt have read other posts before constructing my own because now my thought process is all jumbled up but i'll try my best 👍

firstly yuki!!

her anger is perfect. i love this facet of her backstory that she was a former star plasma vessel, especially its connection to her current motivation and the way jujutsu society/politics works.

i love this panel. it reminds me of when governments commit an unforgivable crime, and then address the public with words such as "this thing happened" or "this thing was done" instead of "i did this thing" or "we did this thing." they remove personality and responsibility but pretend to address the public by prevaricating and placating until they commit their next crime and the process repeats itself all over again. it's the same kind of action done when it comes to events like war and recruiting child soldiers. it's the same kind of action regarding protesters and rioters, whom they want only to keep quiet instead of addressing any real issue. its the same kind of language people use when discussing lgbtq+ rights or conversion therapy (which brings up how the star plasma vessels are made to become something they are not or do something they are not, and yuki got out of that and is trying to save children who continue to have their individuality and childhood taken from them). this also reminds me of the children's crusade, when pope innocent (how ironic) sponsored the crusade planned by two monks, saying those children would heal the land, and those monks instead sold the children into slavery (not bringing this up to discuss morality of the crusade's intentions, just to draw up a parallel). yuki's criticism and anger stems from a very personal point and an important event in her youth, and i find this panel incredibly profound. the fact that she uses jujutsu society the way it used her to research how to eradicate the energy that gives it power makes me love her more.

tengen and the higher ups are kind of viewed as this sort of mysterious entity that function in mysterious ways, though we know they are a corrupt organization of people (and not-people, i guess). the way tengen still distances themselves even through yuki's callout. idk if there's anything to explain just.. highlighting that

another profound thing about this is yuki telling tengen directly she won't make it easy for them by explaining how she and the other star plasma vessels suffered under the system, and she doesn't owe it to them to do so. in fact, she owes it to those vessels not to do so. this brings to mind how people exploit minorities' pain, and especially when people in power demand explanations of trauma from minorities and demand them to spoonfeed why and how exactly the oppressor is wrong (this behavior especially of white people towards people of color). tengen's passivity in the face of her forcing them to observe their faults is incredibly reminiscent of those issues.

secondly!!! kenjaku!!

i don't believe suguru will come back. his story is over. however, there is a repeating occurrence of kenjaku copying suguru's mannerisms such as the way they speak or the way they move. i saw this panel and i thought "woah... kenjaku looks like suguru when he was declaring war on jujutsu tech in volume 0!!" i don't think suguru and kenjaku share the same relationship that yuuji has with sukuna, or that hana has with the angel. however, with kenjaku behaving more like suguru, i think that as his mannerisms become kenjaku's, and his strengths become kenjaku's, as will suguru's weaknesses, and i think that will be kenjaku's downfall, just like their appearance in shibuya using suguru as gojo's weakness led to gojo's defeat. probably not in that same way (i wouldn't like it if it was), but we'll see!!

#im historically bad at explaining things coherently im so sorry #belated mention i'll be sad if choso dies :(( let him live a little longer please 🙏have more time with yuuji #okay anyway those are my thoughts on the latest chapter!! it was good <33 #jjk 202 #jjk leaks #jjk spoilers #jjk manga spoilers #jjk #jjk meta #yuki tsukumo #kenjaku #tengen jjk #aricouldyounot #jujutsu kaisen #another belated mention just that i love yuki <333 #oh yeah also i like that kenjaku's motivations are not some tragic backstory but that they just want to fuck around and find out #i think this was obvious way back when even in shibuya #but i feel like instead of giving them a personal emotional weakness that would lead to their defeat #having suguru's weaknesses become kenjaku's weaknesses might become a little more interesting #because i doubt they would have accounted for that in their plan #anyway anyway!! thats all!!#long post

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pancake-breakfast · 8 months

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I guess I have to finish volume 9 at some point. Might as well be now.

Stream-of-consciousness thoughts for TriMax Vol. 9, Chapters 5-6 below.

Chapter 5: Demon

Goshdarn, we just had to start with Chapel's stupid face....

IDK, the thing about combat experience is it's experience. You learn to act "without thinking" because you're making calculations so reflexively that there's no delay between thought and action. Just like anything else, it's a matter of practice. But perhaps Chapel means it's not the way he taught Wolfwood to fight, and is implying Wolfwood's picked up and integrated a different fighting style from elsewhere.

And now Chapel has to enter the fight himself instead of just sending others to do his will.

I bet Nightow had a blast designing all these different cross guns.

Ha! Chapel telling Wolfwood to mete out justice with the Punisher. I have thoughts on this... but more on them later.

Chapel is giving badass wheelchairs a bad name.

Considering how few Punishers are supposedly in existence (around a dozen counting the ones Livio has), and given his current standing with Eye of Michael, it's impressive how many are present at this fight. I was wondering when these guys would show up again, since they're apparently not the mercs.

Ah, they're here to make sure Chapel gets the job done of finishing off the traitor.

Wait, WTF?? They're bowing to... Livio??? I thought he was also kicked out of Eye of Michael. Are... are they actually carrying Punishers? Are these additional Punishers aside from the little ones Livio was weilding earlier. Are... are they just... carrying them for him?

Ugh, dramatic Livio pose. It's just *chef's kiss*.

We finally get a view of the eye on the skull side, and Wolfwood immediately recognizes it as not being Livio.

Dude, he's catching bullets. That doesn't bode well.

Ah, yes. Three arms somehow. I get that one's synthetic, but still. Please insert Rev's meme of Nightow saying, "Hey, don't worry about it," here.

Yyyyyeaaaah, they were just holding onto the guns for him. That's... well, it explains a lot, but it bodes poorly for Wolfwood.

Ah there goes the mask. It seems to me that having a breakable mask fall off your face for dramatic effect every time you switch modes would be a bit wasteful.

Did... he have a bunch of hair attached to it, too? Weirdo. (Don't listen to me, Livio. I still love you even if you've got hair issues.)

Ah, there he is. Our New Friend. I just want to point out how much more deliberate his hair looks here compared to Livio's mop of chaos and depression. THIS looks like an intentional punk style.

And with that, we've officially been introduced to Razlo.

Chapter 6: Fortitude

CW: Child abuse, DID

I know others in Book Club have more direct experience with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) than I do, so I don't want to speak to it too much since all my knowledge is book knowledge rather than experiential, but I do think Nightow should be given some credit for actually writing out that Livio's DID is a sort of defense mechanism stemming from childhood trauma. I feel like even today there aren't a ton of good mainstream examples of DID beyond, "Oh, quirky split personalities!" when it's a real condition with documented trends and origins.

Raz was the one who wanted to go find the Eye of Michael. Maybe he should have done some more research first.

I appreciate that he seems to be still healing from where Wolfwood shot him. Not sure I buy how thick his neck suddenly got, but it's a little late in the game for me to start complaining about Nightow's anatomy

Dude, did he just murder-death the people who carry his Punishers?? Rude.

You know... it's not every day I see a character use body parts as chaff.

Gods, Raz's whole demeanor is soooo markedly different from Livio's. His mad grins remind me a bit of Legato. Not sure how I feel about that.

Ugh, Wolfwood...

The level of drama in this panel, though.

Ohhh, Raz's speech pattern is different than Livio's, too, isn't it? It's more rough and casual. Not like Livio's dripping with formality, but I'd guess in the Japanese he's at least base-level polite. Razlo is... most likely not. (If so, props to Overhaul for conveying that.)

Those thoughts from before are running into my thoughts on Chapel dressing down Wolfwood here as he gets ready to execute him... but more on those later.

Oh, Wolfie, don't give up on us.... He really does care for his brother Livio, doesn't he.

Yeah, Wolfwood has historically had too much self-preservation instinct to just jump on the bandwagon of someone who is living a lifestyle that's more precarious than the one he's already living. I have thoughts on this, too... but more on those later.

Heh, Wolfwood recognizing that Vash isn't immortal the way Chapel seems to think he is.

Ugh, all these memories of his moral conflicts with Vash.... They're tugging at the heartstrings.

In light of the words on this panel and my suspicions on where Wolfwood's thoughts are going, I just want to provide the following Bible verses:

"At that time the disciples came to Jesus and said, "Who then is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" And He called a child to Himself and set him among them, and said, "Truly I say to you, unless you change and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. So whoever will humble himself like this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever received one such child in My name, receives Me, but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it is better for him that a heavy millstone be hung around his neck, and that he be drowned in the depths of the sea. - Matthew 18:1-6, NASB Translation

Gods, I could write an essay....

Ok, this panel. It's in Wolfwood's mind, and Vash is so big in Wolfwood's mind he takes up the whole page. It's a low shot, showing that Wolfwood is looking up to him, like a child looking up to an adult or an injured person looking up to their protector. And that's the pose Vash is in, too; his back might be turned to Wolfwood, but it's not in rejection but in protection, standing between Wolfwood and whatever might come their way. He has so much trust and admiration for Vash.

Hahahahaha, I love how the last page suggests, despite everything, Wolfwood's not quite dead yet.

My thoughts ended up being too encompassing. The curious can read them here.

Author Bonus Chapter

Who the heck are all these other characters? Are they mobbing Nightow??

Hahahaha, tiny Vash disapproving in the background...

That's right! Gotta do it!

You know, I still haven't watched Gungrave. Pretty sure people recommended it to me back when it came out.

Oh, noooooo, the scriptwriter had soooo many drinks! AND NO SLEEP!!!

Despite? Probably more like because.