#it’s just who I am at this point

[biohazardousvoidwithfangs]

is there any way to heal the schizoid dilemma at all? like I mean is there any way to relieve the engulfment feeling or to make it occur less often? to like increase the threshold for it to appear? I’m not sure I’m making any sense. Is the schizoid dilemma something that exposure therapy can help with? if you throw yourself into situations, force yourself to be social and push through the violent urge to ghost everyone and isolate, does the feeling get better over time? Or is that a sure fire way to make yourself feel drastically worse?

I tried to google therapy for schizoids and everything seems to be … very much from an outsiders perspective, someone with no clue of the actual inner thought processes or how to soothe those. It’s more about how to gaslight the schizoid (with cbt) into appearing normal than it is to help them dissociate less or to feel less stress around socializing (or maybe it’s just me) So I can’t find any good answers. And I don’t know where that leaves me

#actuallyschizoid #actuallynd #schizoid #schizoid personality disorder #fey talks #I feel like I’m too self aware for my own food #for my own good #like I am painfully aware that socializing makes me dissociate #but that isolating myself causes me to lose touch of reality and my sense of self starts to degrade #socializing makes me feel suffocated and choked but being alone feels isolating and alienating #I know I should want friends that friends are good for me #but all I can think about it is how much work it is and how much I hate texting people #idk #I’m just so tired #i wish there was a fix #or a way to mitigate the pain #I’m not interested in cbt gaslighting myself #these are real issues stemming from real childhood trauma #it’s just who I am at this point #it’s not trauma I can heal from #not in the way most people seem to be able to #I don’t think I’ll ever stop experiencing the schizoid dilemma #but gods I wish I could make it hurt less

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Knowledge Revenge.

#dungeon meshi #chilchuk tims #senshi #Somewhat of an unofficial sequel to the Dragon Comic. I promise I have more versatility in my jokes. I just had to take this opportunity. #Senshi is pretty much a recluse. I think he would know a few of these 'gottems' but not all. #Chilchuck would know gottems that are nearly lost to time. The deep cuts. The ones that you fall for because they are that obscure. #I would also like to take a moment to confess that after the last comic in which I posed a gottem - #I fell victim to a Mind Goblin Attack. I was thoroughly got. I will be on higher alert this time. #So NOBODY be funny in the tags. I am gullible and I like to share things with my friends. Who are *ruthless*. #I have a mild resistance to Vicious Mockery at this point but I can only take so much. #Happy Thistle Thursday Everyone! See you next week!

[caruliaa]

staff still hasn't given me polls, what should i do?

🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪 their moms 69%

🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪 their dads 31%

grace image os i get to look at her

#edit: edited the og post to what i want but to set the record straight i edited to the post to be mathematically correct right after the #first person pointed it out which was like ten mins after i posted the og post. now fuck offf !!!!! the rest of the tags r from the og post #for some reason i feel very immature making your mom jokes about tumblr staff. which i shldnt !! #bc they suck nd they still havent given me polls. but i ig i feel imature bc it a your mom joke 😭 but still i tihnk its kinda funny #EDIT: edited the post to what i want bc yall were getting annoying . but to set the record straight i edited to post to be mathematically #also its *mum* not mom okay i am NOT !! an american . but if i say mum everyone will j be like 'omg british' like i dont know i am #anyway. i want polls please. give me the rigght to force my mutuals chose between the most inane things #also i tihnk it wld b cool for the cs weekly blog. like w each episode #i cld do a poll of like. out of five stars what do u think of this ep #and it wld b a cool thing of which eps r ppls faves #also i cld have like. whose ur fave in team red whos ur fave in acme etc #id prob just have to go with vile faculty bc theres more than 10 ppl in vile. and ppl wld kill me if i didnt include nel the ell or whoever #it wld b fun !!! #oh btw csweekly thats i thing i want to start. prob on uhhh the 11th of feb ill post abt it more but its basically #a tag/blog for watching cs one ep a time watching one ep every saturday #ya !! :3 #flappy rambles #inaccessible #ask to tag #(<- idk. just in case)

[egophiliac]

just thinking about hair and faces

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers #i don't THINK this counts as face horror but just in case #face horror #for your daily dose of me losing my mind over anime characters #i don't know why the hair thing surprised me so much. i think because i thought it was funny that lilia named silver after his hair color. #like ha ha lilia is hilariously bad at names how cute and silly! #oh. oh it's kind of a Thing. #anyway i am excited to see where the heck all of this stuff with silver's various dads ends up! #we still don't actually know who killed meleanor! #we still don't know literally anything about dad draconia! (dadconia? dradconia?) #we don't know what happened to the macguffin gem with its magical dad-saving powers! #(surely this will not come back to save a certain dad at a later point. of course not.) #man i was not expecting episode 7 to be all dads all the time #i mean i'm here for it but #hey remember when the highest stakes were who was gonna win the big talent show #then robots started kidnapping people and now we've just escalated from there #episode 8 our cat is going to turn into a drippy ink kaiju and we're going to have to mecha battle him to save the world or something #each member of diasomnia pilots a limb and we gattai into a giant robot dragon and hold on i gotta submit this spec script to aniplex brb

[frownyalfred]

Alcohol tips for newbie writers (or non drinkers!):

At bars, people who order “chasers” after their shots are ordering something to wash down the taste of their shot with. This can be juice, soda, more alcohol, or even pickle juice

Hard liquor is generally sold in stores as shots (tiny bottles), fifths, liters, and handles or in ml (50, 100, 200 etc)

Most people can’t finish an entire fifth of hard liquor (vodka, etc) on their own without being very ill

Conversely, many people can finish an entire bottle of wine on their own without being ill

Liquor can be “bottom shelf” or “rail” or “well” -- all synonyms for the cheapest version of alcohol a bartender has. Bars generally keep several “levels” of alcohol stocked

You order a drink with the alcohol first, then the mix -- e.g., a “vodka soda” or a “Tito’s and tonic”

When you “close out a tab”, you pay for all of the drinks you’ve had that night. Either the bartender already has your card (you “opened a tab” earlier) or it was quiet enough that they just kept an eye on you and tallied your bill up at the end

“Doubles” are drinks or shots with double the standard pour of alcohol

In the US, most shots (pours) are 1.5 oz by default. 

Mixed drinks (gin and tonic, vodka lemonade, cosmos, etc) are generally made up of 1-2 shots and a mixer 

If you don’t specify which type of alcohol you’d like in a mixed drink (vodka cranberry, for example) the bartender will put whatever the “house” liquor is -- and this depends entirely on the establishment. A dive bar will pour rail by default, whereas a nicer tavern might make all vodka cranberries with Tito’s

PLEASE TIP YOUR BARTENDERS THEY WILL REMEMBER YOU I PROMISE

#especially if you throw up #please tip the hell out of your bartenders they have amazing memories #tips #writing tips #writing #fic #fic tips #fic ideas #alcohol #tw: alcohol #cw: alcohol #fandom #tips for newbie writers #or people who don't drink #but want to write about a bar scene #these are just some points I think are handy #and aren't really taught anywhere #they're just sort of learned along the way #am I missing anything? #add to this

[raptorrobot]

i feel like i'm fighting for my fucking life here

#ultrakill #hollow knight #risk of rain 2 #baldur's gate 3 #there are absolutely more out there these are just the primary ones from games *i* play #it's totally fine to hc other pronouns tho like it's very obvious when it's just queer ppl having fun #i'm talking abt the ppl who default to he/him pronouns when referring to nonhuman characters #it's always he/him too . like what's up with that #i am an any pronouns user but it/its are my favourites #and i dunno Feelsweird when it/its is pretty adamantly used for characters ingame and ppl just throw it aside #'oh but it/its pronouns are dehumanising' that's the POINT !!!!! grrr #i like it/its because it makes me feel LESS human . i connect with these characters because they are inhuman and monstrous fundamentally #. you know #this is all in good fun btw i'm not that serious about this #just felt like it needed to be pointed out

[journey-to-the-attic]

one thing about ik is that she will always reach out

#obey me #art #i had the idea for this and managed to bulldoze through drawing it all without losing motivation halfway through #but Do Not expect me to post art this frequently in future #idk how to do panels so if the middle bit with the text might be laid out weird #i added the stars and feathers and stuff because there was a bunch of empty space around the boxes #obey me satan #jtta ik #(btw the crumbling symbol next to the exploding feather is the wrath symbol from in-game) #(with the pride symbol attached upside down at the bottom) #(not so much symbolism as it is just me whacking you over the head with the point but it looks cool) #i had a lot of fun doing satan's more monstrous design so i might try my hand at some of the other demons later? #i do have some ideas for levi (deep sea creatures are just really fun) #also happy nightbringer release day!! it showed up on my homescreen like half an hour ago and i was like “wait what” #for some reason i thought it wasn't releasing til next week?? #the new genshin patch is today as well so looks like i'll have plenty to do with the rest of my free time for the easter hols #(i promise i'm also working on the next chapter of jtta but i am so stuck on how to get lucifer actually Talking) #anyway. here's a gold star for making it through all my rambling in the tags for anyone who did so: ⭐

[krazieka2]

Blions first kill

#carrying over my posts from twitter choo chooooo #i am SO SORRY to anyone who follows me on twitter and here #it takes forever to get art over here sometimes #either i keep planning on adding more doodles to an idea #or i forget i ever drew it #when did i draw this #2023 art #fe3h #fire emblem #annette cant actually learn fire at any point #i was really hoping no one would point that out but OF COURSE someone on reddit did (lightheartedly) #anyway annette didn't use magic she just set the body on fire to make a point

[lovely-v]

Me before completing the forest temple: okay I get that ocarina of time is fun and nostalgic for people but it’s a bit of a stretch to call it one of the greatest video games of all time

Me after completing the forest temple: By revealing that Link is not a Kokiri, but a Hylian, the game effectively strips him of his humble origins amongst a group of people that already fail to recognize him in his adult form. Thus, kokiri village instantly becomes a location that is no longer Link’s home in any sense, exacerbated by the fact that the game now loads up in the temple of time instead of Link’s bedroom— he is a stranger in the only place that has ever been familiar to him and he is depressingly reduced to his destiny alone. However, the subsequent introduction of the time travel mechanic, which allows the player to travel from the horrific apocalyptic future back to the idyllic past of Link’s childhood, gives new meaning to the idea of this “destiny”. In effect, Link is not a stock “chosen one”, but a protagonist who consciously decides to fight onwards. Link’s dual existence as a child who knows the grim future and as an adult who was powerless to stop disaster gives a sort of desperation to his character, because while it brings the player relief to revisit the Castle Town that is populated by cheerful villagers instead of lurking zombies, the story can only be progressed through the acknowledgement of reality — the decision to make those seven years pass again. Therefore, both the player and Link as a character must be proactive in their heroism and make the conscious choice to struggle onwards despite the darkness that permeates—

#veesaysthings #ocarina of time #fantasy story: yeah the protagonist can never go home again. Me: OH MY GOD THEY CAN NEVER GO HOME AGAIN #Im dearly sorry for all the Zelda posts #I’m getting my shit rocked by ocarina for real #(no spoilers I literally JUST got to this point in the game) #thank you so much to my friend who is forcing me to play this #I will cry at all the temples though bc I am so awful at puzzles pls I am so dumb

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

"What do you mean their name isn't Beef?"

(for @moondal514)

#TGCF #he xuan #I only know TGCF through having multiple people try and explain it to me + watching S1 of the animated series. #And fandom osmosis of some characters and plot points. #So I had a genuine 'A platypus? *PERRY* the platypus?' moment when doing research for this prompt. #My method for drawing novel characters is to read their description + personality and make a few drafts from there. #Sometimes I get curious and look up official art on a wiki. Ensue the: “huh who is this (sees the female form) I KNOW WHO THIS IS” #Anyways this is actually just a warm up. An unprecedented part 2 comes tomorrow. #Because the journey of “How *would* I draw he xuan?” took me on a wild journey that nearly drove me into madness. #Spoilers: its not how I drew HX in this comic. It's more...on brand for this blog. Lets leave it there. Everyone gets a 24 hour warning. #Thank you Moondal514 for pushing me into the deepest waters on this one. I am forever changed.

[bacchuschucklefuck]

while teen while goblin while aroace while injured while doing your best

#fantasy high junior year #fhjy #riz gukgak #figueroth faeth #sklonda gukgak #dimension 20 #this. mmmmhhh this is so. I did Not know how to draw this really. #I am very normal about riz (<- lying) #it's a brennan-dm d20 campaign the bad guy is always capitalism (I am saying this with clenched teeth) #riz out of all of them being aroace fucks with me SO bad. bc its also established that elmsville specifically and probably the #majority of solace is not. made for goblins. and that becomes sklonda being worked to the bone and pok dying on the job #and riz spending all his time trying to keep his friends together. maybe to the point of it being injurous #like. do u get what I mean. its an economy of time it takes your time it eats up your time #not just the gukgaks but everyone you have to spend time to get to live and you don't have a lot of time left in a day #and you have to spend it carefully. you have to prioritize #you're somewhere without an established community and companionship is bought with your time spent working #this place doesn't take care of you. at the end of the day who do you have who'd prioritize you. do you understand me #the evolved aroace loathing where if your friends and family are granted more time nobody would have to choose. we live in a society #holds ur hand we live in a society. idk if Im making any sense #anyway . uhhh riz is my favourite that's my statement thank you for listening. au revoir

[gomzdrawfr]

small habits

#something about filling in the silence #personally I am (unfortunately) one of those people who doesnt realize they're tapping their finger on the table when im in the zone focusi #i try not to do it now ever since it was pointed out #instead i just tap something softer like my pencil box LOL #modern problem requires modern solution #anyways you may notice im also trying a new signature here #i hate it #so im doing another one when i can #gummmyart #doodle #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #soapghost #ghostsoap

[inkskinned]

you were raised in comparison.

it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.

you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.

you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.

what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.

it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.

you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.

you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?

a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.

you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.

it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.

something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.

#writeblr #warm up #my dad was actively doing bad shit to us and we STILL were told we were lucky . and to a point i do think im lucky #i just think also there's somethin to be said about like. how about we stop using comparison to dismiss ppls individual struggles #yes there are people who have no perspective. for the reference tho having perspective actually made me really unwilling to get help #for what was a serious and debilitating mental health issue. bc i thought i didnt DESERVE IT #and i would rather have 600 ppl who aren't THAT bad get help and get heard and get seen #than make any 1 kid. do the math that i did: look at the world that is dying and the people who are hurting and say #''oh. okay. others have it worse. they are probably better people than i am. i am being unreasonable. i cannot ask for help #i am not good. i am taking too much space. i am not worth saving.'' #bc our WHOLE lives we are taught a scarcity mindset - that you can 'steal' from someone. so that instead of changing a system that doesn't #actually offer fair support to everyone #we put the impetus on the individual to just... demand less. #and here's something - there are probably ppl who think i DIDNT deserve to get help #bc i DID have it better than other people #and something about that is ... so sickening. bc i think all of us in some way at some point WILL need help. #we were supposed to make communities. we were supposed to offer our hands. we were supposed to raise the barn #instead we said: it could be worse. now handle it yourself

[egophiliac]

I love the idea of teenage Malleus hating his new baby brother Silver but slowly falling for him

words cannot express how much I adore that Mal's reaction to seeing a human baby for the first time was "the fuck is this. why does it look like that. gross." (then he immediately got stuck on babysitting duty and the rest is history)

I am SUCH a sucker for that trope of "non-humans being fascinated by normal human behavior", so between that and all the delicious angst going on I was eating VERY well. >:) Malleus being so impressed that two-year-old Silver can walk, because it took him twenty years to stand on two legs! Lilia barging in on the Zigvolts at 2 AM being like "he won't stop crying what do I do"! Lilia trying to feed Silver rats and Malleus being like "...please just stick with what the books say to feed it"! it is all so. chef's kiss.

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers #(this is based on a very dumb in-joke and i apologize) #i promise i will (eventually) stop spamposting i am just still floating in a river of sheer delight from this update #god. the spoon scene is going to live in my brain forever #malleus having to be the one to teach sebek and silver basic magic because lilia was SO bad at explaining it 😭 #also like...i had assumed mal didn't know who silver really is so it wasn't a surprise when lilia straight-up lied to his face about it #but now i can just SEE it hovering there on the horizon as a thing they're probably going to have to deal with at some point #like 'malleus doesn't know' is no longer a sort of general observation/theory and is instead now a very relevant Problem #ohohoho. splendid. things are going to get SO bad and i am going to be here clapping my stupid little hands at it all

[opera-ghost]

it's immensely funny to me how andrew lloyd webber read this passage from the book and was like yeah the journey down to the phantom's lair is this really breathtaking magical gondola ride where christine is just captivated by the strange and fantastical beauty of it all (see below)

when in the novel they're both like in a rowboat in the dark with christine scared out of her mind and confused as hell while erik is paddling like he's out for an extreme day of fishing and just staring christine down for the entire duration of the journey without blinking once . like mind you his eyes quite literally GLOW in the DARK and he's just fucking staring into her soul and silently rowing and probably not even breathing like

#AND IT'S SOMEHOW STILL HOT #i always forget that by this point in the book there's no “i am your angel of music / come to me angel of music” like in the musical #like she has no idea who this mf kidnapping her is and when she says “who are you where is the voice” he's just like 🙄 #and when she DOES find out that *he's* the voice and he's been pretending to be an angel sent by her dead father for 3 months #it's when he's just set her down in his sitting room that's filled with a bunch of stupid pretentious flowers #and he's like “don't be afraid you're in no danger” despite the fact that she's been taken FIVE STORIES BENEATH THE OPERA against her will #by the guy who's been manipulating and lying to her through the goddamn walls #ohhhhhhhh and then fans have the audacity to get mad at christine for trying to snatch his mask like THIS MF ABDUCTED HER???? #(still love him though <3) #(his morals are questionable but so is my interest in men😍) #phantom of the opera #poto #poto shitpost

[esprei]

possessed!volo au doodles

#volo #pokemon volo #merchant volo #ginkgo guild volo #my art #i wanna bring this au back tbh #gosh it's been a year at least right #i think i outlined details for it back then #at least some details #anyway yeah the arm thing... #if anyone has played the world ends with you and knows who sho is welp #it's based on that #design wise at least LOL #also i am slowly learning to just come to a stopping point with art #so this is a little messier but you know #OH also the city he's talking about is nimbasa