#it’s not trauma I can heal from

[biohazardousvoidwithfangs]

is there any way to heal the schizoid dilemma at all? like I mean is there any way to relieve the engulfment feeling or to make it occur less often? to like increase the threshold for it to appear? I’m not sure I’m making any sense. Is the schizoid dilemma something that exposure therapy can help with? if you throw yourself into situations, force yourself to be social and push through the violent urge to ghost everyone and isolate, does the feeling get better over time? Or is that a sure fire way to make yourself feel drastically worse?

I tried to google therapy for schizoids and everything seems to be … very much from an outsiders perspective, someone with no clue of the actual inner thought processes or how to soothe those. It’s more about how to gaslight the schizoid (with cbt) into appearing normal than it is to help them dissociate less or to feel less stress around socializing (or maybe it’s just me) So I can’t find any good answers. And I don’t know where that leaves me

#actuallyschizoid #actuallynd #schizoid #schizoid personality disorder #fey talks #I feel like I’m too self aware for my own food #for my own good #like I am painfully aware that socializing makes me dissociate #but that isolating myself causes me to lose touch of reality and my sense of self starts to degrade #socializing makes me feel suffocated and choked but being alone feels isolating and alienating #I know I should want friends that friends are good for me #but all I can think about it is how much work it is and how much I hate texting people #idk #I’m just so tired #i wish there was a fix #or a way to mitigate the pain #I’m not interested in cbt gaslighting myself #these are real issues stemming from real childhood trauma #it’s just who I am at this point #it’s not trauma I can heal from #not in the way most people seem to be able to #I don’t think I’ll ever stop experiencing the schizoid dilemma #but gods I wish I could make it hurt less

[stereoakuma]

PITBULL NAMED PRINCESS

#at least a decade too late but thats okay #would you call me crazy if i said this manga is helping me heal from trauma? you can call me crazy #not even going to list the parallels between me and this guy #ライチ☆光クラブ #litchi hikari club #lychee light club #jaibo

[untouchedsoap]

there is something sooo fucking good about early seasons ian and mickey, about watching this summer fling turn into something more, the fear that elicited from mickey but him being unable to stop, finding those little moments hidden away and taking all this meaning from small gestures and persevering in dugouts and under bleachers and barely pressed confessions in the back of a church that is soo good for my brain

like i am very glad mickey gets to shout his love for ian from the mountain tops and also beat his love for ian into his dad's face but when he was clenching his teeth shut and his love for ian was coming out regardless ohhhhh baby i was eating

#shameless us #gallavich #and also they actually gave noel something interesting to work with instead of 5 mins of nonsense in the later seasons but. what can you do #like i watch later season stuff with like equal parts 'good for them i'm happy they are happy' and 'thats not my boy' #yes my man deserves to be out and happy and a bridezilla but also he would not act like that <3 hope this helps #yes he deserves to be a diva menace no he wouldn't do it like that though <3 #yes he should get to heal from his familial trauma no he should not be forced to care for and interact with that man who should be dead #gallavich truly double edged sword of biggest win for fans and also biggest fumble #like ian's supposed to be one time hook up in s1 became his HUSBAND after years of bringing him back and sending him away rinse and repeat #because the writers hated mickey but audiences loved him #so yay they're married! time to have the most uninteresting plots for them imaginable & retcon some dumb ass traits on them for plot purpos #the last 2 seasons should have centered around ian and mickey becoming the centralizing force of the house that fiona was at the start #god there are so many tags here sorry. got more passionate about this than i thought i would #mickey milkovich

[maxpawb]

woah cute furry art! i think this guy may have a dissociative condition

disclaimer: i do not have DID i have CPTSD and i see myself as different animals who have different genders and speak different languages. they all share the same name, body, and memories because they are all me. I am healing now :) getting therapy soon!

#art #im doing well healing #its nice to be medicated so i can think about my life and trauma without feeling like im gonna explode #i think this art is from the last 1-2 years

[miraculouslumination]

Some of y'all are so desperate to create Gender Binary 2.0 based on your rules and beliefs, even if they don't reflect the complexities of real life, and then get upset when people Don't want to be forced to partake in this new Gender Binary (this time painted with a trans pride flag!!)

#Jean mumbles #I just had to scroll through some. God awful takes on a certain post #And like. wow some of y'all are just full of so much hate #And I can only imagine and understand that a lot of it comes from your own fear and/or trauma #But that is not the fault of your siblings #And it can't simply be healed by making something like this up #It is healed through Actual Activism #Not a few letters of an acronym slapped together #Or with vague muddied phrases that have less defined edges than a circle #I don't know. I'm tired #And I just am so sick of all the infighting that doesn't have to be a Thing

[genericpuff]

i have nothing to say about the newest episodes of LO

so I'll let past me from the year 2022 say it instead

because everything they said a year and a half ago ironically still applies today and i don't even know how that's possible but it's where we are 💀😭

#except now instead of it being entirely on hades' behalf it's now ALSO on hera's behalf #literally why have we gotten a whole ass third season that's continued to drag its heals on the main conflict of the story #persephone has to play superman for everyone else's trauma and never gets to address her own #we'll get episodes showing the empathetic POV's of the abusers tho #and literally all of them come down to “parents suck” #literally they're all the same backstory and plotline #like i get if that's the theme rachel is trying to go for here but how is this even a retelling of the Abduction of Persephone at this poin #persephone has so little to do that rachel has to literally shove everyone else's trauma and problems onto her plate for her to solve #all while her own trauma is still gathering dust in the corner #we're not even seeing her witness the women around her find their own strength and learning from them #because SHE'S TOO BUSY BEING WRITTEN AS THE ANSWER TO EVERYONE ELSE'S PROBLEMS #THE APOLLO PLOTLINE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE STAKES ANYMORE #CAN WE JUST DEAL WITH IT PLEASE AND END THIS FRIGGING COMIC 😭 #IT'S LITERALLY SO DEAD IN THE WATER THAT IT'S REPEATING ITSELF #lo critical #anti lore olympus #lore olympus critical

[autisticredhood]

important personal jason characterization 2 me is that part of “coming back wrong” is that he cannot feel his past self. he remembers his past but hes completely severed from himself pre-death, that version of him is distinctly gone. being a living person is like a russian doll with your younger selves layered inside of you & rattling around but resurrected jason is just the outer shell russian doll constantly aware of how unnaturally hollow his inside is

#& hes desperate to fill that hollowness w anything. you dont have to believe in the cause you just need to believe in that the cause fills #the emptiness #u kno!! like. biting & chewing him do u get it #like w trauma i feel like u get detached from yourself but u can work to reintegrate but jason is like even if you heal that part of u is #gone forever it did not come back from the grave. you can hear its echoes in your dreams (nightmares) and sometimes in the hazy parts of the #day you see it from the corner of your eye but. never you never feel it inside of you #my very correct opinions

[meredithbeckham]

win the fight, save your life.

#octaviablakeedit #octavia blake #octaviaedit #the100edit #the 100 #* #i just saw this quote and it of course SCREAMED octavia #and spawned so many thoughts about how everything octavia is #and becomes is unresolved childhood trauma (and further trauma on the ground of course) #comes from a miserable life of not being allowed to exist to suddenly being given the EARTH and devouring it grasping for strength for powe #for connection for life for everything she was denied for 17 years #and because octavia grew up in violence and death #every lesson she learned being harder and more violent by simple nature of it #and how everything octavia's ever been taught is fight and violence and demolition of weakness #slay your demons #i am not afraid (yes you are you've always have been) #and so how could she end up any other way #but finally she does confront this she finds a way to make peace with her darkness she finds peace and happiness #and that saves her life #ultimately she does choose healing in large part so she can be a healing influence in a child's life rather than a damaging one #and i love her sooo much #but beyond being meta of course.. octavia a summary literally and figuratively

[hoofpeet]

Had some thoughts abt them last night :] (incomprehensible notes below)

#hoof draws #replacement ingo au #<-i've become probably. way too attached to this but whtv #THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE TROPES . #it's abt the healing from trauma !! #being hesitant to let go of ideals you've held your hold life but having to accept that they're shitty and toxic #the inherent tragedy of having to accept that your childhood fucked you up #and that you'll never get to be how you were before but ! that's WHY you have to choose to heal from it #so you can give this small and fragile thing the love and safety you never got !! #augh. i love them

[mudstoneabyss]

actually. the specific phrasing that boy Kevin wants to kill older Kevin with "I must disassemble him, piece by piece, so that everything inside of the Old Kevin comes out. Only then can the New Kevin truly begin." is so incredibly the idea that to heal from trauma and "improve" you have to destroy every "wrong" part of yourself, that everything "tainted" by it has to somehow be replaced by something untouched (which isn't possible)

#reading back that phrasing I do think that'll be the way brinknor takes it #this arcs seeming like it'll be so. breaking the cycle of abuse and violence and coming to terms with yourself #and maybe understanding that you can never remove the parts of you impacted by trauma and start again completely ''pure'' #but you can treat yourself with the kindness you should've been given #which i hope it is that because. and understand i am biased. but i'd love that direction for Kevin #it feels much more satisfying than any more. angsty way this arc could go imo #like he's been through enough! #because of the way Kevin is portrayed in fanon. not as frequently anymore but still pretty common. I worry about coming off as woobifying #by saying I want him to heal I want him to have nice things I think he deserves them #when he's also simultaneously Not A Good Person #yknow the poor little innocent cinnamon roll baby etc etc fanon #but. well for one im Not Like That about him. but my main point of bringing that up is. him not being a good person is why I want to see hi #get better and generally have a good life. why does someone have to be good to deserve to heal from trauma #especially when trauma is a big reason for the way they are #like its fiction yeah yeah i'm still tired of mentally ill people having to be ''good'' to ''deserve'' to get better yknow #i mean especially in fiction you tend to either see mental illness as the poor traumatized one who's allowed recovery because they're nice #or the insane psychopath who cant be ''fixed'' so ''deserves'' bad things-up to deserving to die!- for it #i didnt mean for this to be a rant erm. oops #wtnv #wtnv spoilers #joyousposting

[transsextual]

had a really incredible moment this evening. went to my campus art market where one of my friends was selling the tank top i'm wearing - another friend bought it for me and i'm so overjoyed to have it. usually a fit that leans more Traditionally Masculine feels like a costume but tonight it just felt deeply correct and honest and warm. took the opportunity to take some indulgent little pictures because i do not think i have Ever looked more like myself. so happy.

#im like. slowly gently exploring butchness & ... what it means to me & ... trying to release the idea that it requires Masculinity.... #ive always felt pretty disconnected from masculinity as a whole but i'm starting to find points of entry that resonate really deeply #& along with that is like... esp when it comes 2 kink & leather & butchness - which r not intrinsically related but to me they r connected #theres this idea that like. i'm taking myself too seriously. and that nobody's gonna take me seriously. and that i'm too little too young #that im like #obviously inexperienced and a joke and failing and looking stupid . #but ... realized recently that . that's really just the trauma talking #and that i can just like. try shit out. and notice how it feels + what comes up #and then try it again if i so wish #and nothing i try has to be permanent or defining ... and that like . my desires and comforts and joys and needs Should Be Taken Seriously #soooo much of my like. impostor syndrome . has to do with worrying that im not doing it right when compared to other men #but like.... most of the kinky men / leathermen i see are 35+ and cis . #of course im not doing it like them . #so . looking to the queers i know. especially my fellow transmascs as well as lesbians . for like. reassurance and inspiration #has been very healing . & good for my heart & my soul. #:) #yeah . #i think i gotta go read butch is a noun. ... yeah #goodnight :) #speak #materialization #ok2rb

[danothan]

tough pill i have to swallow is realizing that “getting better” doesn’t mean “getting to do more things,” getting better for me means taking better initiative in protecting myself. and THAT means making sure i do LESS things

#sounds kinda obvious but i only just realized it lmao #feels like i have to grieve a lot of my goals now but no one said the healing process would be easy #danbles #and for anyone else that has a disability that prevents them from doing smth #or trauma that makes certain triggers limit their opportunities #or neurotypes that make it harder for them to love smth like they used to #or whatever else #i don’t want to make it sound like you have to give up on the things that make you happy #I’M certainly not going to #but a huge value of mine has always been experiencing everything life had to offer #and everytime that backfires (whether it’s burnout; triggering a flashback; triggering an episode; putting strain on my body; etc) #i always just thought to myself ‘it was bad timing’ or ‘i haven’t gotten better yet’ bc the endgoal was to always get to that point where #i could experience it. i want to try new things all the time. i want to feel normal and be included in everything #but if smth keeps Making Me Feel Bad then maybe there isn’t a version of myself that can take it on #it’s not resilience to put yourself in harm’s way #idk how well i’ll be able to put this into practice tbh. i rly rly like exploring different experiences #even negative ones are valuable to me #but the least i can do for myself is recognize that i might not always be the problem #maybe i’ve already hit the limit on all the self-work i can do. maybe it’s the environment or situation itself that’s the problem #fuuck guys ​i feel like i’m going thru a stage of grief here why is this shit so hard 💀

[keepthetension]

still stuck on mhok's trauma, unsurprisingly. i keep thinking about the opening scenes of this show, showing us day losing his sight, and mhok losing rung. i really thought that the show would spend equal time and care on both

my first post about this show was pointing out that the first shot of day is a close up of his eyes, and the first time we see mhok, he's holding something in his mouth. and i thought it was so interesting that we see mhok gagged, because society generally doesn't care what people who've been incarcerated have to say. or poor people. and by and large, it doesn't care about the voices of traumatized people, either

and i was so curious to see what the show was going to do with that. i can't believe the show itself was never really interested in what mhok has to say

and i'm stuck on mhok's time in hawaii. the show highlighted over and over again how poor he is, and we know that he didn't like studying. what are his english skills like? we saw singha there, and i think one other thai person. was that the extent of his social circle? he seemed pretty happy to leave hawaii behind, so did he make no new friends? did he spend his days off just sitting in his room by himself, the way day did when he went to songkla with mhok?

i assume he and porjai were still in touch, but he moved abroad at a time when his ptsd was getting worse, and in the wake of a terrible breakup, and he just walked all of that off? alone???

feeling overly protective and over-responsible is absolutely an understandable trauma response for mhok, but you know what else is? losing a relationship, and feeling like you HAVE to go back and fix it, and that if you can just get a do-over, you'll be able to do everything perfectly this time, and you'll get everything right, and everything will be okay! this makes more sense to me in the final episode than the idea of mhok and day having a happily ever after does

#last twilight the series #last twilight #the thing is i don't think his healing journey had to be explicitly shown and there was plenty you could kind of infer #like going from dumping porjai so he doesn't drag her down to telling day he's done playing games and WILL ask him out at the finish line #that's a big step! it says a lot about his headspace and how he sees himself! #but i started getting nervous when PORJAI told day about rung OFFSCREEN. mhok didn't even share that himself! and it wasn't her place tbh! #lol i even kinda understood where day was coming from in ep11 because mhok never mentioned the nightmares and flashbacks and stuff #and you CAN hide that stuff from a sighted partner too ofc but it made sense that day'd wonder what else mhok could hide from him like i ge #why that'd make day feel extra vulnerable! but no somehow the breakup was ALL about pity? i still don't totally get that tbh. and all the #trauma stuff was just pushed under the rug?? and i wonder if day was pitying mhok by insisting he take the opportunity to go abroad #like: you're poor when else are you going to get an opportunity like this? i don't THINK that's what was happening but i can't unthink it #idk my heart just aches for mhok #the quadruple whammy of poverty + trauma + classism + incerceration and i thought all of that would play a bigger role #also by the way ptsd is a disability too!

[hamable]

Aelwyn and Adaine benign sibling mockery my beloved

#fantasy high junior year #fhjy #adaine abernant #fantasy high #aelwyn abernant #dimension 20 #I love them and their relationship and interactions so much #the closeness and respect and boundaries of two siblings that grew apart and then found each other again and can now gab about trauma #it’s unparalleled #and Brennan and Siobhan do it SO WELL #I say boundaries as in like. knowing they can press each others buttons and rag on each other #but also Adaine can come over at 1 am with some ice cream from work and they can gossip over bad reality tv #and god the lunch break convo from the previous episode #their bond is so strong and so real to me #to grow up in a bad home situation and even have been enemies at one point #to hauling the other off to lunch and gossiping ravenously #and aelwyn needing to heal at her own pace and getting emotional over the cats and Adaine balancing empathy and ribbing just right #I’m rambling incoherently but #no one does it like them

[withheartsaligned]

count my little scars, i've got dozens down inside

#oc: ihov'a lhesaa #preparing for his viper era #guy who has finally healed enough from his trauma to let go of rdm and become something of his own volition #i guess the argument could be made he became a pirate of his own volition #but i don't think he would have ever done that if wasn't fueled by hatred for garlemald #also i can finally permanently shut his right eye with customize+ like i always wanted hell yeah hell yeah

[parkercore-69]

thank you J.R.R. Tolkien for writing the most devastating romantic subplot in your lotr books without even realising it

#im talking about sam and frodo sorry everyone #guess who like watched all the extended films and cried #whether you intepret sam and frodo’s love platonically or romantically you have to understand that they are so entwined that it is #devastating nonetheless #the forehead kiss #im on the ground sobbing #dawgs it was such a real depiction of how trauma is irreversible and will change you entirely #frodo baggins #i love him so fucking much guys #i love those little hobbits #samwise gamgee #lord of the rings #i could and most likely will write an essay on this #samfro #dawg sometimes love can be both platonic and romantic as queer love is not to be constrained by heteronormative values #sorry did i read too far into the little fantasy story #dude i was not expecting a story about the horrific effects of war racism and power corrupt addiction when i sat down in front of the telly #jokes on the side frodo looking absolutely miserable at sam’s wedding is so fucking real #i get it’s because he knows he cant move on and he is forever changed by his trauma but also that hobbit gay #his wound from the witch king never healing being a symbolic representation of his trauma FUCKS ME UP #frodo you may have been a whiny bitch at times but like yeah that ring probably did weigh a fuck ton and i was worse on my dofe expedition #i may be fucking too hard with lotr #lotr #teehee