#my dad was actively doing bad shit to us and we STILL were told we were lucky . and to a point i do think im lucky

[inkskinned]

you were raised in comparison.

it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.

you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.

you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.

what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.

it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.

you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.

you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?

a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.

you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.

it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.

something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.

#writeblr #warm up #my dad was actively doing bad shit to us and we STILL were told we were lucky . and to a point i do think im lucky #i just think also there's somethin to be said about like. how about we stop using comparison to dismiss ppls individual struggles #yes there are people who have no perspective. for the reference tho having perspective actually made me really unwilling to get help #for what was a serious and debilitating mental health issue. bc i thought i didnt DESERVE IT #and i would rather have 600 ppl who aren't THAT bad get help and get heard and get seen #than make any 1 kid. do the math that i did: look at the world that is dying and the people who are hurting and say #''oh. okay. others have it worse. they are probably better people than i am. i am being unreasonable. i cannot ask for help #i am not good. i am taking too much space. i am not worth saving.'' #bc our WHOLE lives we are taught a scarcity mindset - that you can 'steal' from someone. so that instead of changing a system that doesn't #actually offer fair support to everyone #we put the impetus on the individual to just... demand less. #and here's something - there are probably ppl who think i DIDNT deserve to get help #bc i DID have it better than other people #and something about that is ... so sickening. bc i think all of us in some way at some point WILL need help. #we were supposed to make communities. we were supposed to offer our hands. we were supposed to raise the barn #instead we said: it could be worse. now handle it yourself

[the-soliloquies-of-sadists]

#361

“Hey what’s going on?...  Yeah I recognize you.  You’re the cocksucker who knows how to take care of my fat hog.  You been up here for a while?  You get any loads?  Yeah this place has no cruising during the day.  Ever since they switched my schedule around, I am up here around 7:30 in the morning.  It’s been dead every time I stop.  I now only pull off to take a piss before heading back on the road; it’s the only good spot to do it.  I figured with me leaving the office three hours late that there would be some activity, some hungry boy needing some daddy dick….  Boy, I see you licking your lips.  You’re hungry for dad’s cock.  Aren’t you?  You remember where to go?...  Not, yet.  We are going to do it a little different today.  When you go to the other side of the truck, before you kneel in position, I want you to strip naked.  Naked means everything comes off including your glasses and watch.  Wait with your eyes closed and your mouth open.  I’ve got to make a call….

“...I spoke to dispatch, and I told them that I won’t be able to deliver this camper to them until well after closing.  We got plenty of time.  Keep your mouth open and your eyes shut.  Keep still….  Too bad I don’t have access to the keys to the camper.

“Ahhh. There we go….  I told you I had to take a piss.  It just needed a few moments.  I said keep your mouth open; when it fills, drink it down.  I want you covered in it.  Fuck yeah boy.

“You look natural down there.  Hell yeah.  You are going to smell like a fuck urinal.  My fucking urinal.  Damn!  You are covered!  And don’t you fucking insult me by wiping that off.  It’s to dry there. 

“I remember, you used to eat my ass.  It hasn’t been tongue scrubbed in a long time; most likely you were the last boy to do so.  Get in there.  It’s probably nasty back there.  Work called me in on my day off, and I left the house this morning without showering.  It’s probably real rank back there.

“Oh fuck! Your tongue does not care.  It feels so good.  You know how to treat a man’s asshole right.  Get that tongue in there. 

“Don’t worry.  I’m watching if anyone pulls off the highway.  Your focus should be on sucking yesterday’s sweat and musk from my ass crack. 

“You like eating dad’s hole?  I can tell.  I wish I had one of those toilet seats on legs.  You could slurp my ass for hours….  What?  In your trunk?  You have one in your trunk?...  You really are a whore.  Go get it. 

“No leave your clothes here.  Take your keys, I want to see you go across the lot naked….

“Fuck yeah boy!  Don’t cover your pecker.  Let it swing….

“…Hell yeah.  If it was up to me, you would be kept naked pretty much all the time.  Go on set it up right here on the asphalt.  In fact, I want you to lay in my piss puddle like a good little pig.  You really want my ass don’t you?

“Go on eat.  Tongue fuck me.  And leave your pecker alone.  You are here to satisfy my needs not yours.  In fact, reach up and play with my nips.

“Oh shit, an SUV is pulling in.  Stay put.  They can’t see you.  Fuck.  I knew it; as soon as I sat down…. Don’t move.  They appear to be turning around and pulling out.

“This probably isn’t the best thing to be doing right here.  What’s your schedule like for today?...  What about tomorrow?  So you are wide open.  Wanna ride with me to San Diego?  The company is paying for a motel.  I’ll fuck you all night.  I can cum multiple times. In between I’ll rest by sitting on your face. 

“There’s a 24-hour Walmart at the next exit.  We can store your car there.  Tomorrow afternoon, I’ll drop you off there with a stretched out hole and a belly full of piss and cum.

“You want to?...  Good.  Put that toilet seat on legs in the back.  But first.  I have to say.  I’m a demanding prick with a demanding prick.  I am in full control of both your holes.  I plan on using them without asking you first.  You come with me, you will be agreeing to that.  I don’t know if you remember how I fuck, but I go right to the root on the first thrust.  You better be lubed up and cleaned out.  Are you?... lubed up and cleaned out?  Good, good.  Let’s do this.  Get up…. 

“Where are you going?  Get back here.  Bend over.  Hold on to something.  I am not going to drive five hours all horned up with full balls, especially with a boy’s ass a few feet away from me.  Let’s get you loaded up.

“I thought you said you were lubed up.  Oh well, son, it’s your hole that’s going to bleed, not mine.”

[storiesforallfandoms]

clear head ~ steve harrington;stranger things

part one

word count: 2988

request?: no

description: after the lust and excitement clears away, she realizes that dating her sister’s ex-boyfriend is a massive mistake

pairing: steve harrington x female!wheeler!reader

warnings: swearing, mentions of smut from the previous part

masterlist (one, two)

After Steve brought me home, I was in bed and the lust from our pool side activities subsided, I realized that what had happened that night was a bad idea.

There was the obvious bad, which was the fact that he was my sister’s ex-boyfriend. I know Steve said she ended it and was possibly moving on with someone else, but that didn’t erase the fact that they had a relationship, and doing...whatever it is I was doing with Steve was definitely against the sister code or something.

Then there was the less obvious but still highly possible bad: that Steve was using me as a rebound.

He didn’t seem like that kind of person, but then again I had only had one conversation with him. A conversation that soon led to a sexual act between us that would’ve also led to actual sex if we had been in a more private setting.

But Nancy wore he was a good guy, and he wants to take me out for breakfast in the morning.

But he said that after you turned him down for sex. He could just be trying to get in your pants.

I was so conflicted that I was up most of the night. When the sun started peaking through my curtains I could feel the exhaustion in my body, but it was too late to try and sleep now.

After hours of thought, I decided I wouldn’t go out with Steve that day. All signs pointed to it being a bad idea, so I decided to stop my heartbreak before it happened.

Even if this was something I had wanted for a long time.

Eventually, I got out of bed and trudged to the bathroom. I splashed my face with cold water to wake myself, to little success.

“You look like shit,” my little brother, Mike, commented as he shoved past me to look in the mirror.

“Watch your mouth or I’ll tell mom,” I muttered.

“And I’ll tell her you went to that party last night.”

“Jokes on you, I already told her.” I stuck my tongue out at him and started to walk away.

“Yeah, with Nancy. But Nancy didn’t go, and that definitely wasn’t Nancy who brought you home.”

My eyes widened and I quickly spun around to face Mike again. “Okay, I won’t say anything to mom. You better keep your mouth shut about me coming home with someone else to her and to Nancy.”

Mike rolled his eyes and shut the bathroom door. I trusted he wouldn’t say anything to Nancy about seeing me with Steve. There was a chance he didn’t even see who had brought me home that night, but there was also a chance he recognized Steve’s car from all the times that he had come over to visit Nancy. I was hoping to keep last night by the pool a secret as long as I possibly could.

I turned to go back to my room and yelped in surprise to find Nancy stood behind me.

“Sorry sis, didn’t mean to scare you,” she said with a chuckle. “Are you okay? You look like you saw a ghost.”

“I-I’m just tired,” I said. “I didn’t sleep well.”

“You look tired. No offense. Were you out late to the party?”

I almost blanched at her question, but then I remembered that she knew I was going to Steve’s party because I told her to tell mom and dad she had taken me there. There’s no way she’d know what happened there...I hoped.

“Not too late. I was home by curfew. Just couldn’t get to sleep afterwards.”

“Maybe you should go lay down for a while before breakfast.”

I opened my mouth to respond, but at that moment our mom called up to tell us breakfast was on the table. I looked back at Nancy and shrugged. I’d just have to deal with being tired all day. Luckily it was a Saturday, so I had no school and no responsibilities. I could just lay in bed all day if I wanted to.

The four of us sat around the table as mom put food on the plates and placed them in front of us. Everyone began to dig into their food, but my exhaustion mixed with my guilty conscious caused a lack of appetite for me. Even though it definitely smelled mouthwatering.

“(Y/N), honey, are you okay?” mom asked.

“I’m fine, mom,” I assured her. “Not very hungry.”

“Did something happen at the party last night?”

Please everyone stop asking me about the party.

“No, nothing happened,” I said, trying to keep my voice even. “I didn’t even really participate in it. Parties aren’t really my scene.”

“Why did you even go then?” Mike asked.

“Maybe I don’t wanna be couped up in the house all the time like you, you basement dweller,” I retorted.

“Hey, both of you,” mom said in her stern voice.

I glared at Mike across the table as he returned the look. I swear, having a little brother is some sort of curse. I think mom and dad should’ve stopped having kids after they had Nancy and me.

I was still looking at Mike as I raised my glass of juice to my lips. My eyes wandered to the window behind him and I realized someone was looking in at me. I gasped at the same time the juice entered my mouth, causing me to choke and cough violently.

It was Steve.

I put my glass down and tried to get the liquid out of my lungs, glad that I was causing such a disruption that no one saw him slip around the side of the house.

“Sorry,” I wheezed after a while. “Sorry, it went down the wrong way.”

“Geez, you’re a wreck, (Y/N),” Mike said.

“Mike,” mom warned. “Are you okay, honey?”

“Yeah, I’m good now. But I may go up to my room and see if I can rest a little or something. I definitely don’t feel myself.”

I dumped my food in the garbage and placed my dishes into the sink before bounding up the stairs to my room. I had left my door open when I got up, and I was glad everyone else was down at the dinner table because there was Steve, laying on my bed, which was directly by my wide open door.

I quickly rushed into my room and closed the door behind me, locking it for good measure. Steve glanced at me for a second before turning back to the wall of posters in front of him.

“I didn’t expect you to have stuff like that on your wall,” he commented. “Is that a Metallica poster? You listen to Metallica?”

“What are you doing in my room?!” I whisper-yelled.

“Well, I thought I was picking you up for a breakfast date, but then I saw you at the table with your family and I’ll be honest, I’m a little heartbroken.”

I ran a hand through my hair. I had to get him out of here before anyone came upstairs. I couldn’t risk anyone seeing him here, especially not Nancy.

“You have to go,” I told him. “You can’t get caught in my room. My mom will flip.”

“I’ll go if you come with me.”

He looked up at me with big, hazel puppy dog eyes. It was almost enough to get me to cave, until I remembered the concerned look Nancy had given me earlier and remembered the connection between her and Steve.

“I’m not going to breakfast with you,” I said. “Last night was a mistake, Steve. It can’t happen anymore.”

He looked genuinely hurt as he sat up. “What? Where did that come from? You seemed all for it last night when we - ”

“Yeah, I was,” I cut him off. The last thing I needed was for him to remind me of the events of last night while he was here, in my room, looking as handsome as always. God, this is a dream come true and I’m about to turn him down. I’m an idiot. “But when I got home I realized that we can’t keep doing this. For one, you’re my sister’s ex-boyfriend - ”

“(Y/N), I’ve already told you she broke up with me, not the other way around."

“I know that, but it still feels wrong to be doing any of this with you knowing the connection you have to her. I don’t want her to think I’m betraying her or something. As lame as it sounds, Nancy is my life long best friend. I don’t want to ruin that.”

“That doesn’t sound lame. It must be really nice to have a sibling that you’re close to.”

Oh my God, he’s making this so difficult by being so cute.

I sat down next to him, testing myself to see if I could be close to him without throwing caution to the wind and jumping his bones. I took a deep breath and forced myself to ask the question I was really wondering, “How do I know you’re not using me as a rebound?”

He looked at me in disbelief. I wanted to believe it was real, that he was truly shocked that I’d ever think such a thing, but my mind kept telling me that he could just be pretending. All of this could be pretend, although I really, really didn’t want it to be.

“You’d really think I’d do that?” he asked. The hurt came through in his voice and I felt a pang of guilt in my stomach.

“I don’t know, Steve. That’s the thing. I don’t really know you. I know you dated my sister. I know you’re the most popular guy at school. I know we had one conversation and it led to you eating me out and trying to have sex with me by your pool. That doesn’t exactly scream to me that you’re trying to have a relationship and not just get in my pants after my sister broke your heart.”

Instead of responding, Steve cupped my face and leaned into me. Before I could comprehend what he was doing, I felt his lips on mine again. It was a softer kiss than the night before; less lust and more emotion. I placed my hands against his chest, feeling his heartbeat against them. It was beating quickly, almost like he was excited or nervous.

It boosted my confidence quite a bit to know that I, nerdy (Y/N) Wheeler, could make popular Steve Harrington feel that way.

When he pulled away I almost pouted like a child, but stopped myself. He rested his forehead against mine and looked into my eyes.

“Did that feel like just a rebound?” he asked.

I bit my lip and shook my head a little.

“If you need more proof, I’ll do anything. Whatever you want to show you that this isn’t just me trying to get in your pants.”

“Whatever I want?” I asked.

“Whatever you want,” he confirmed.

My mouth moved before my mind could catch up with them. “We don’t have sex for six months.”

The comment seemed to throw both of us off. That was far from what I had wanted considering the events of the night before, but after I said it, it did seem like a fair trade.

“If you want to prove to me that this isn’t a rebound, then you should be fine with waiting until we have sex for the first time,” I explained before he could say anything else. “And that includes no more oral, no handsy stuff, nothing sexual. For the time being, anyways. I may change my mind on those last few things.”

I was surprised when Steve answered with no hesitation. “Okay. You have a deal.”

One of his hands left my face to take hold of mine and to shake it. I giggled at the gesture.

“So, why don’t we start things right with that breakfast date?” he asked. “I parked a few houses down so your family wouldn’t see my car and start asking questions. I can meet you outside and we’ll walk there together?”

My empty stomach rumbled in response. Up until that moment, I had forgotten that I hadn’t eaten all day. I was hardly about to pass up food from anyone at this point.

“Okay, I’ll meet you there in, like, five minutes. I should probably change if I’m going out in public.” I had also forgotten I was still in my pajamas.

“I don’t know, I think the bunnies are cute,” Steve said, poking my fluffy pink pants with white bunnies on them. I batted his hand away, my face growing warm again. “I’ll meet you down there in five.”

He kissed my cheek again before quietly slipping out of my window. The moment he was gone, I quickly jumped up and grabbed a pair of jeans and the first t-shirt I could find. I brushed out my bed head until I was sure it looked presentable and hurried down the hall to the bathroom so I could brush my teeth. I was grateful I had done so before bed, too, so that I didn’t have horrible morning breath when Steve kissed me.

Mike was in the basement and Nancy had left after breakfast, so it was just mom I had to get past. That would be easy. Although mom could be strict, if I told her a believable enough lie she wouldn’t question it, or bring it up to Nancy.

“Are you feeling better, honey?” she asked as I came down the stairs and started towards the door.

“A little, but I remembered I told Holly I’d go study with her today,” I replied.

“On a Saturday?”

“Yeah, she has this huge test coming up this week. She’s super stressed out about it.”

“Oh, I’m sure she’ll do fine. Holly is a smart girl.”

“I know, but you know what it’s like to be stressed over school.” I kissed her cheek and even went in to kiss dad’s too, for good measure. “I’ll be back in a few hours!”

I rushed out the door before they could say anything else. Holly was my best friend and only lived about a block away, so I knew mom wouldn’t feel inclined to call her if I wasn’t home for a while. I just had to remember to call Holly and tell her the story in case mom ever asked.

Like he promised, Steve was waiting by the door when I came out. I couldn’t help but smile brightly at him, which he returned with his own smile.

He took my hand in his and led me down the street to his car. My stomach filled with butterflies as I kept glancing at our joined hands. I couldn’t believe that this was actually happening. I was actually going on a date with Steve Harrington, he was actually holding my hand, I was actually getting in his car with him.

If this was a dream, I never wanted to wake up.

He took me to a small diner that wasn’t too busy at that time of the day. I was relieved for that as I hadn’t thought about the risk of someone who knew us seeing us together until that moment.

We were seated in a booth in a quiet corner of the diner and the waitress took our drink orders. As I looked over the menu, Steve started with the standard first date questions that always had to be asked.

“So, what do you like to do for fun, besides all that brainy stuff?”

I shot him a look before scanning the menu again. “You know, you’re not supposed to make fun of someone you’re trying to date.”

“Hey, I’m not making fun of you. I think it’s awesome that you’re so smart and into that stuff. I wish I was that good academically, or even just half that good.”

I looked up at him again to see he was being sincere. I couldn’t help but chuckle to myself. “You’re like the worst popular guy ever, you know. You’re supposed to make fun of the geeky math girl.”

“Maybe I want to break those stereotypes.”

We were silent for a moment, just looking at each other. The longer I spent time with Steve, the more I was surprised by the things I was learning about him.

“I guess I like movies,” I said with a shrug. “And reading, and music.”

“Yeah, heavy music. Seriously, are you really into Metallica?”

“Yeah, I really am. Their first album came out last year and I was really into it. Mom and dad hated it because they think it’s the devil’s music or whatever, so I mainly listen to it on my Walkman with my headphones on whenever they’re home.”

“What other bands are you into?”

“Well, you saw the posters on my wall; Queen, Fleetwood Mac, Kiss, AC/DC to name a few. I like discovering new stuff, so I’ll sometimes go to the record shop with Holly and see what’s new or popular and buy a cassette or two.”

“What about movies? What kind of movies are you into?”

“This will probably be less surprising, but I really like funny movies or romantic ones. Like Grease, The Outsiders, Valley Girl. There’s a new movie with Tom Cruise that just came out and I’d really like to see it because I kind of have a crush on him since Holly and I saw The Outsiders in the theatre a few months ago.”

“Is that the one where he plays the football star?” Steve asked. “I’ve been dying to see that one! Maybe we could go see it together.”

A second date already. Maybe this really is for real.

I couldn’t help the beaming smile on my face. “I’d love to.”

#steve harrington #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington x reader #joe keery #joe keery imagine #joe keery x reader #stranger things #stranger things imagine #imagine #part two #series #one shot #netflix #n

[rdng1230]

More Ted Lasso Musings

Before I start let me say once again that this season has contained absolutely wonderful moments and is still a wonderful bit of light in a buuuuunch of darkness. Also spoiler warning.

Cool, so I've figured out what's bothering me this season and its that they're either showing us everything and telling us nothing, or showing us nothing (of actual character significance) and telling us everything. in the showing us everything and telling us nothing category we've got my love Keeley Jones. I feel like we've spent a massive amount of time at KJPR and I still feel like I'm scratching my head as to what they were trying to tell us. They've set Keeley up to be this incredibly competent and bright person, and when they give her her shot it all goes to shit. and I get it "you can't always get what you want" so says the song for this season's trailer, but I'm struggling to understand the thing that she got that she needed that she didn't already have. She had Rebeccas love and support, I mean she has Roy back but this does not seem like the show where the moral of a long story about her starting her own business is that she has her boyfriend back. I actually would love people's take on what you think we're supposed to get out of Keeley's storyline.

Onto the telling but not showing category we got my guy Nate the Great. He has been so totally short changed this season on his redemption arc. It is HARD to become a better person. It is HARD to admit you fucked up. It is HARD to turn against your own knee jerk insecurities and reactions. It is ESPECIALLY HARD to do that in an environment that is actively incentivizing you to act on those insecurities and reactions. So even though I absolutely believe Nate deserving and capable of these huge leaps forward in overcoming his own internal crap, I think we've completely sidelined that narrative of what's pushing him to actually take those huge leaps forward. At the end of season 2, it was clear Nate was really struggling, and I'm not gonna lie I hated the way he treated those around him, like Beard said it was "personal, and weird" but I also felt a huge amount of sympathy and compassion because no one gets that way without something horrible happening to them first. So when the last scene of season 2 happened and he was teased as this big time villain, I was sad, but not surprised. I expected him to get his redemption, but I also expected that to be a really difficult journey for him where he was likely going to get worse before he got better. So now we're in season 3 and he suddenly just makes all these huge leaps forward, they feel from out of nowhere, not because I don't feel like he's capable of it, but rather that should've been more difficult to do, and also it should've been a moment of great personal triumph for Nate! The way I think of it is imagine if Rebecca had just waltzed into teds office in season 1 and confessed about the sabotage with no context. Sure we would've believed her capable of it, sure we would've believed she deserved forgiveness, but we all would've been scratching our heads as to what made her have this reckoning within herself. they would've told us Rebecca changed instead of shown why and how she changed like what they're doing with Nate.

I actually think there's so many parallels between the relationship of Nate and Jade and the relationship of Roy and Jamie. Both Nate and Roy made stupidly bad and self destructive decisions around the end of last season. Both are in a low point in their emotional journeys, almost all of Nathan's emotional scenes have been with Jade while all of Roy's emotional scenes have been with Jamie. The thing is, that's not where their respective internal work really needs to get done? Nate already took the plunge and asked out Jade last season, and Roy already showed real vulnerability when he hugged Jamie after the thing with his dad (not that I think that means everything wrapped up with a shiny bow or anything, but just that each character has much bigger fish to fry in terms of character growth) I do think Nate and Jade have become really cute just as Roy and Jamie's scenes have felt ripped straight out of a fluffy fanfic. but do these scenes actually show us that Nate/Roy are getting better? We've already seen Nate being an absolute sweetheart with the women in his life who he loves, his mother, his niece (even if we didn't actually see her till this season it was clear that they had a very warm and positive relationship) and Keeley, so him being able to be vulnerable and open up with Jade is lovely, but not really that new of a territory. If we could just see Nate having a shift maybe with his coaching staff or the West Ham players, this would feel more meaningful because we saw him struggle way more with people he perceives as part of his own hierarchy structure. Its the same with Roy. We've seen Roy open up to Jamie in the past so their relationship, while fucking adorable, is not doing anything to address the real struggle inside Roy that he's ignoring. It would be way more meaningful to see Roy have moments where he chooses to have joy instead of running away. Instead we get scenes like where the sports pundit squad just says oh by the way Nate left West Ham, in the same way that Ms. Bowen says to Roy that he seems less stuck. Umm what? Since when? what happened? All tell and no show. Or showing only the least character growth relevant scenes and then just be like oh by the way they fixed it.

reblog and comment away because I'm interested in people's take on this.

#ted lasso #keeley jones #nate shelley #wonderkid #Roy Kent #Jamie Tartt

[thronesforkings]

Title: Playground

Requested?: No

Genre: Angst to Fluff 

Characters: Bonten!Male!Reader x Bonten!Haitani Rindou; Haitani Ran

TW/CW: Swearing, Bonten, violence (mentions of blood), mentions of rape and abuse (Only like two lines, it will be between !!** so y’all can skip over it if wanted.)

Notes: I’m a whore for making family stuff or domestic shit (also Bonten/making big scary criminals soft). Also if I ever write siblings wrong then my excuse is I’m an only child.

Word Count: 1,239

Notes 2.0: This is kinda shit, I’m not too proud of it but I’m still posting it since I figured that someone would at least get the happy chemicals from this.

“They’re my fucking kids!” A woman hissed at (Name). The two were outside near a park and it was dark outside. (Name) had managed to get out of work early and was able to have a night with his kids, the three of them ate dinner before going to the park and (Name) was more than happy to let his kids stay up late tonight. He was having a ton of fun until his ex came out of the living complexes nearby. 

“They are not, the court took your custody away. Just because it's been two years doesn’t mean the court order is still active. You are actively breaking the restraining order and I want to do this in a calm way. So, you can leave and I won’t report this or I can call the police to come and get you.” (Name) spoke, his eyes darting back to the playground where his kids were having fun. 

Ran and Rindou were tired, staying later than normal to finish some paperwork that got shoved onto them. Ran was the one to notice the two young children seemingly unsupervised at the park. Rin was confused as he watched his brother go to the playground but soon saw the tiny humans moving around. 

“Hey kiddos, you know that it’s dangerous to be out at night. Do your parents know you are out here?” Ran asked. He was a criminal but he had some morals. 

“DAD!” A young girl called out after looking at Ran for a moment. Rin stood not too far behind the male and noticed the boy looking at him. 

“Shit. Leave now. If you stay I will call the police.” (Name) hissed and jogged over to where his kids were and stopped when he saw his co-workers.

“The short haired one is creepy. He tried to tell us that it’s bad to be out at night.” The young boy spoke and (Name) sighed. 

“Well, good job for calling me right away. As for these two, they are my friends. Actually, Ran-San, there is a woman off to the side near the residential buildings, she refuses to leave and I have a restraining order against her, could you help me with that?” (Name) asked, feeling slightly bad for asking the older male to help him with something he knew nothing about but he wanted to spend time with his kids, sue him. 

“The bitch is still here?” (Name) choked on his spit while Rin snorted, Ran grinning and the girl confused as to what caused those reactions.

“Yes, though remember the rules. You can swear but not to put down other people.” Ran smiled as he walked off. Rin got closer and the girl went up to him.

“We’ll be right with you sir, we need to cook up what our dishes are for the day!” She spoke with a smile before running off to her brother and the two mimicked working in a kitchen. 

“Kids?” Rin broke the silence between the two and (Name) nodded. 

!!**“Yeah, the woman that Ran went to go deal with is their birth mother. Before I started working with you guys I got raped at my old job, she never told me about the kids and it wasn’t until I got a phone call from the police asking if I was able to take the two kids into my care. That was two years ago, apparently she was abusing them physically and emotionally. It was a teacher at school that had reported it and so I took them in.”**!! (Name) spoke with a soft voice and Rin smiled. 

“Rika loves to cook and bake. She wants to be a baker. Yuta is the quieter of the two, he really likes maths and logic puzzles.” Rin heard (Name) speak again, changing the subject and Rin looked at the two getting along. 

“They seem nice. I think Rika claimed me.” Rin said with a smile and (Name) laughed. As if on cue, Rika came over and grabbed Rin’s hand (more so two of his fingers since her hands were small) and dragged him to the little counter in the structure. (Name) followed and sat on the ground, Rin doing the same after he was pulled by Rika. The two were given a couple pieces of the rubber that was the ground. 

“Very delicious, my compliments to the chef.” (Name) spoke after he pretended that he ate the ‘food’. Rin blushed lightly at this and fell harder in love. He was going to need to learn what these kids were into if he wanted to win them over and have permission to date their dad. 

The two played with the kids for a little bit, that was until (Name) noticed Yuta not using one of his hands. 

“Hey kiddo, I noticed that you haven’t been using your left hand. You also kept it covered during dinner. Are you hurt?” (Name) asked, the five year old nodded and lifted his sleeve up to show the bruises that covered his hand. His fingers were the most bruised and he was surprised that they weren’t broken.

“Some kids were mean to me at school. Rika helped me. They were hitting me with the hard toys and I used my hand to try and take most of the hits. My arms also hurt. It’s fine though, Rika scared them away and I just need to wait for it to get better. That’s what the teacher said.” Yuta spoke as (Name) looked at his hand carefully and sighed. 

“Why wasn’t I informed right away?” He asked, looking at Rika who shrugged. 

“Yuta said he wouldn’t bother me in the kitchen for a week if I didn’t tell you. I took care of it though, I threw a toy truck at them. They started it so I wouldn’t have been told that I started the fight. What you explained to us!” Rika said and had a toothy smile on her face. Rin bit the inside of his mouth to keep himself from smiling at the cleverness of the kid. 

“Alright, let’s call it a night then. You two have chores to do this weekend. I’ll wrap your hand up kiddo once we get home.” (Name) spoke, the two families splitting after a little bit. 

Ran came back and had blood on his knuckles and some on his face. 

“Oh, did he leave? That woman wouldn’t shut up so I taught her what happens when you don’t listen to Bonten. I’ll tell him at work. Come on, I’m tired and want to order some take out.”

---

“Is the long haired one you talk about? The one you want to kiss?” Rika asked in the morning and (Name) blushed, gripping the pan tighter as he was making pancakes for breakfast. 

“Obviously, did you see the way Dad looked at him? It’s like the guys from the show. Now we have to do what they did in the show and make them go on a date.” Yuta spoke with a grin and (Name) squeaked. 

“Hah? Did I just hear that you wanted your chores doubled today?” (Name) tried to retaliate but the two kids laughed. 

“Once we finish our chores we can watch it some more to get ideas.” Rika spoke, the two ignoring their flushed dad (who was proud of them for getting this idea and found it adorable how they wanted to help him).

#tokyo revengers x male reader #haitani rindou x male reader #tw rape mention #tw abuse mention

[peligrosapop]

I can’t sleep and have a headache, I’m in pain and sober ( weed would help 2/3 at the least)for some stupid reason. So, I’ll rant.

I went skating (as in skateboard) yesterday

did my first ever 50-50 trick (skate trick) at 40

but also pulled a muscle in my upper thigh and I’m limping a bit and it hurts. (Hi, It’s me, Pedri without free accessible healthcare)

A girl flirted/hit on me and I can’t thinking about it bc, maybe I liked the attention? and she’s cute? I get plenty of attention at home though, dunno wtf is going on.

I forgot to call my mom on her bday but I called her today and we talked like an hour and it was nice. I like my mom a lot. I don’t want her to die, ever. My dad’s death anniversary was last week and I just realized yesterday. None of us surviving family members said anything either, guess we rather forget.

The call with mom also made me realize I barely call anyone anymore, ever. Last time my older sister called I didn’t pick up and have ghosted her since. I told my mom I’m being anti social atm. I need to call my pregnant younger sister. I guess I’m the asshole.

I text with a lot of people that I don’t know IRL and have neglected a lot of my IRL friends. I even have neglected online friends I like a lot. I still chat people a bit too much, I’m afraid.

I think my current obsession with Barça on tumblr and tumblr in general helps me focus on something else but myself when I’m stuck creatively or emotionally.

I need to finish writing 4 songs that I started and are almost done. One about staring at your crush, one about dreaming of people that have passed away, one about Messi (in the most non-obvious way) and one about leaving everything behind to move somewhere else to remake your life. It is annoying to feel like I can’t when I’m perfectly able to. They are 80-90% done.

Right now I’m in between jobs doing some gigs and the break in routine and extra time to do fun stuff things has been , instead of being liberating, weird.

My fav girl friend has been really busy lately and I fucking hate it. I feel needy. And I hate it.

My boyfriend is amazing, thank god he’s there. My bff. I am a mess rn. He was trolling me a week ago saying “I read this list of symptoms of depressed people and you checked out most of them” and I laughed at him and he was like 😅. I’m not depressed. It’s okay. I have depressive tendencies from anxiety but that’s it. I’m a hedonist most of the time, anyway. 🤣 Very few fucks given but active existencial dread.

My health/body has been changing since I hit 40 and it’s pissing me off. Also I kinda stop caring care of myself for a second but getting back on track. Also need to start saving money for all the “hey you hit 40 so you may have this” health test, like cancer screenings and shit. But hey, better old than dead.

and….I need a hug. And to write poems but they won’t come out. I don’t need anyone to do anything. I just need to get it out of my system.

I wish you were here and not so far away, you know this. I punched my pillow today like I told you I wanted to. I wish it was easier.

We had a friend as a house guest for a week and he just left today without telling us, even though he was supposed to be here 2 more weeks and now he said he is with a dude we don’t talk to anymore. lol wtf is wrong with people?! can’t they be normal?!!!! You can say you wanna go see a friend, why just disappear and tell us a one like text when we asked where the fuck you are. He may come back? I dunno ahahahah. Maybe its our bad for having a bunch of moody musicians as friends.

Also, like my bf jokes all the time….when I die, be happy for me because I won’t have to pay any more bills.

Maybe this was too real but IDGAF. The end.

#mental health rant #buenas noches

[oddeyevibes]

Extra Curricular Activities - The Barkeep

Summary: Your students begin the first day of their investigation and found out some harrowing things.

Words: 1848

Investigation Day 1

The students’ first day of investigating went about as well as you’d expect considering most of them didn’t know a thing about stalking someone for information if they didn’t have any form of social media. Which, on one hand, you are grateful for but on the other, you can’t stop the determination of children to do dumb shit.

In fact, Ichiban’s lack of social media presence only made them THAT more suspicious.

”Why does he have to hide?” Da asked with fury as he paced back and forth.

They had all agreed to group up at the park. In Ichiban’s defense, you also didn’t have a strong social media presence outside of some pictures of you hanging out with some local cats, hanging at the Survive Bar, and the occasional vacation photos.

”I guess she just met the guy, he’s not in any of these pictures.” Hajime commented.

Like clockwork, Takara chimed in. “What if it’s like when people don’t wanna show up on someone’s timeline because they’re cheating?” She had an excitable look in her eyes. “Maybe he asks her to crop him out because his girlfriend will catch on.”

”So not only is this asshole trying to kidnap our teacher but he also has a girlfriend?” Da kicked up some of the sand, causing his sister to reprimand him.

”Watch it, doofus!” She yelled.

”I’ll tell Dad you called me a doofus again.”

”And I’ll tell him you kicked sand in my face. Which is worse?”

”Can you two focus?” Hajime chided them. “If we don’t know the guy’s name we can’t do any research on him. What are we gonna do?”

Shuichi shrugged. “What if we try going to the Survive Bar? Maybe someone there will know something.”

”Uh, hey Einstein, not all of us look like grown men with baby faces.” Da replied. “They’ll never allow us in.”

“What if we said it was an emergency?” Ju-Hee chimed in.

Hajime shook his head in defeat. “I don’t think they’ll care that much.”

“Well, we have to try something. We’ve got no other leads!”

So they proceeded to attempt to enter the bar.

Almost immediately, the silent and stalwart bartender tried kicking them out.

"I can't have my customers seeing children running around. That's not the type of establishment I run." He told them firmly. "Now please leave." 

"It's an emergency mister!" Chun shouted. "We need to protect our teacher, she could be in trouble!" 

The mention of a teacher caught his interest. 'Are they talking about y/n?' He thought. So he decided to humor them. 

"Your teacher...it wouldn't happen to be Ms. l/n, would it?"

All of them perked up with bright smiles. 

"See? She's been here before." Chun exclaimed. "There's this guy that comes to visit her at school and he looks nothing but trouble. We think he's Yakuza and he's looking to kidnap her for human trafficking." 

For the first time in a while, the bartender was caught off guard. Granted, he doesn't deal with children much but the few times he has, he's never had them say something that outlandish...well...he supposes it's not that out of the ordinary of a concern. 

If he didn't know Ichiban, it might have perked his interest to investigate. Especially considering that plots like that are always unfolding between here and Kamurocho. Hell, that almost happened to Saeko's sister. Frankly, there are just some gangsters even in Ijincho that were bold enough to try trafficking under the noses of the Ijin Three.

But Ichiban was practically harmless when it came to you. Not to mention that he wasn't even Yakuza anymore. But with that suit, of course, these kids would come to that type of conclusion.  He's almost happy that they still think Yakuza can afford to dress flashy under these harsher laws. 

Just to have a little fun though, he decides to mess with them.

"Y/n is a loyal customer here. I'd hate for something bad to happen to her. Do you know anything else about this man?" He asked them calmly and, while he didn't mean it, it unnerved the students. 

Hajime was the first to speak up. "Well...no." 

"Have you tried asking y/n about him?" 

Da scoffed. "Like she'd tell us. You know what'd she say? He's just a friend." 

"Maybe he is just a friend." 

"Just a friend?" Takara repeated. "In that suit?" 

"He's come in here a few times with her." 

The students crowded the bar. "HE HAS?!" 

"Do you know his name? If we have his name we could probably look him up." 

The barkeep pretended to be in deep thought before he responded. "I think...he mentioned his name being Ichiban...Kasuga." 

"Ichiban Kasuga?" Ju-Hee repeated. "Why does that name sound familiar?" she muttered. 

"Now, you kids should go. You might get in trouble for being in here with your parents." 

Even though Hajime rounded up the others and urged them all out. They all shouted their own variation of "what our parents don't know won't kill them" before the door shut behind them. The barkeep smiled to himself. What an awkward conversation it would've turned into if they knew Ichiban was upstairs right now sleeping. 

Rather than reconvening back at the park, they casually walked through the streets of the Bar District, stopping once they reached the bridge that lead towards the local homeless camp. Ju-Hee wasted no time in putting the name Ichiban Kasuga into her phone's internet search bar and while she expected the worst, she still wasn't ready for what popped up. 

Part of her was still hoping that maybe this Ichiban guy was some normal dude with horrible fashion sense. 

Man Arrested For New Years Murder

Man Found Shot Dead, Yakuza Rivalry? 

New Years Murder Victim Revealed to Be Yakuza

New Years Murders In Japan

Tojo Clan Infighting? Yakuza Found Dead

Banished Tojo Clan Gangster Arrested for New Years Murder

New Years Murder Suspect Detained

New Years Murder Suspect Sentenced

Truth About The New Millennium Yakuza Murder

All of these articles dated back to the beginning of the year 2001. The far-out date makes Ju-Hee think about how neither of them were even born. She doesn't even know if her parents knew each other yet or if they even immigrated to Japan yet back then. 

"Guys...I finally found that Ichiban guy." 

"Great!" Da exclaimed. "Any social media?" 

"No, he's been in jail since 2000. He was only released this year." 

"WHAT?!" The others yelled. 

Chun moved over to stand beside Ju-Hee. She mumbled out words as she read one of the articles. 

"Well, what does it say?" Hajime asked. 

"It says: Ichiban Kasuga was arrested for the murder of Tojo clan member, Chikao Suzumori. Kasuga, himself, is a former member of the Tojo Clan. However, both men were part of different families. It is suspected that Kasuga and Suzumori had prior altercations with each other that may have led to Kasuga's expulsion from the clan, however, Suzumori maintained his position. It is suspected that Kasuga might have still harbored a strong disdain for Suzumori and murdered him on New Year's Eve. Suzumori's body was found with a bullet hole to the head, however, a lack of witnesses has police determining that Suzumori may have been killed during a fireworks display. Kasuga turned himself in the next day." 

The students were stunned. 

"Holy shit." Shuichi let out. "It's worst than we thought. He's cold-blooded. To shoot someone in the head and then proudly turned yourself in? That's sick." 

"And Ms. L/n doesn't even know." Chun was on the verge of a mild breakdown. "She's dating a monster." 

Hajime stuttered. "W-well, we can't jump to conclusions so fast. Maybe that's not the whole story, right? I mean...how does a journalist get this much information about gangsters?" 

"Gangsters back in the day didn't have to be so strict. You used to be able to tell just by looking at their outfit." Da explained, then he had a widened look of realization. "That's why he's still dressed like that!" 

"But for him to be so out of touch to still be wearing suits like that and potentially trafficking people? That seems on the nose doesn't it?" Takara chimed in. 

"He probably just doesn't care." Da argued. "He admitted to the cops he did it. And you know what? When you get involved in organized crime, you're in it for life. Maybe when he got kicked out, he was so pissed because he had nothing else so he off'd the guy that got him expelled." 

Hajime shrugged. "Couldn't he have just joined another family?" 

"No! He was Tojo Clan, they were the biggest Yakuza organization before the law got strict. You couldn't just go somewhere else." 

"Do you think he joined up with the Seiryu Clan?" Chun asked. 

"Nah, I never heard any of Dad's friends talk about the Seiryu Clan doing human trafficking." 

"Maybe we have to think bigger." Takara chimed in again. "We're still focused on him trying to kidnap Ms. L/N but what if that's not the plan at all?" 

"What? You think he's just trying to hook up with her?" Da scoffed. 

"No....you guys remember when Ms. L/N said she used to live in Kamurocho? Said she lived there since she was a kid and only moved to go to college." 

Everyone was silent. Listening but silent. 

"She would've been...around 18 or 19 when that murdered happened?" 

Da added onto her explanation. "The Tojo Clan's main seat of power was Kamurocho." 

"Now wait a minute!" Hajime cut in. "You two aren't suggesting that this Kasuga guy and Ms. L/N knew each other back then, are you? That's a big stretch." 

"A big fuckin' stretch" Da agreed. "But...not impossible." 

Chun shrugged. "Well, Kamurocho is a red light district, why would Ms. L/N be there as a kid?" 

Everyone looked at Chun with a look that said are you being for real right now. 

"What?" She nervously got defensive. 

"Chun...don't you live across the street from a Chinese hostess club?" Shuichi asked. 

"Well, that's different...they don't have sex there....I think. It's all flirting, right?" 

Takara promptly explained. "Red Light Districts don't necessarily have to involve businesses that provide sex. Stuff there can range from Host Clubs, Hostess Clubs, Strip Clubs, Phone Sex services, Adult Movie Theaters or just movie theaters with Adult show times, and a lot of bars." 

"How do you know all that?" Hajime asked. 

"A good writer googles stuff for research all the time. I needed to for this one fic I was....story I was writing." 

"CAN WE FOCUS?!" Shuichi yelled. "Our teacher is going out with a murderer! Let's stay on that, okay?" 

"Murderer? That sounds serious." 

A gruff voice caught their attention as their turned to see a homeless man wearing a green hoodie and denim jacket that looked like its original coloring had long been lost to years of muck. His black hair was messy and the only thing on him that looked somewhat decent to the students were his black-rimmed glasses. 

"You kids okay?" He asked. 

To Be Continued....

#like a drabble #LaD fics #ichiban kasuga x reader #black reader fics

[rose-n-gunses]

Okay, so. I've got a LOT of thoughts about the Catholic Munsons post that's going around and I really wanna talk about it because I think it's SO interesting so I'm going to post about it here so I'm not clogging up the tags on that post (and I'm probably going to end up turning it into a little bit of a hellcheer thing because it plays a bit of a role in one of my upcoming wips).

Fair warning, this post is really fucking long and really fucking rambly. I had Thoughts and they. Refused to stop, so just,, bear with me!!

My Catholic father grew up around this same time near Cleveland, Ohio in a little town that's maybe half the size of what Hawkins is projected to be according to the fandom wiki page. He attended a parochial school for elementary and I think middle school, and the majority of his friends growing up were either Jewish or Catholic. When I asked him today about the distribution/ratio of Jewish to Catholic to Presbyterian in that area (since my research wasn't quite answering my questions), he told me that he was probably in middle school before he actually realized that there were other religions besides Jewish, Catholic, and whatever denominations the African American churches in the area were.

Because of this and the general notion that Catholicism is/has been somewhat more prominent in the northern/northeastern and, like, some of the more northern midwestern United States (if that makes sense), I've always imagined that Hawkins, being a decently sized (10-15K according to the wiki page) town pretty close to Indianapolis (around 80 miles, again according to the wiki page), would have a pretty solid Catholic community, so it's always kind of surprised me to see so many people write the Cunningham family, for example, as attending a Presbyterian church (although it is entirely possible, but more on that later).

Okay so now my actual thoughts on the Catholic!Munsons:

Since the pictures from the Munson trailer (and I love that it's been a year and we're still finding new stuff in there) show that calendar, we know that if Wayne did purchase it intentionally, then he's most likely gotta be actively Christian. However, I don’t see Wayne as the attending-mass-every-week type of Catholic -- he strikes me as Too Tired For That Shit. My personal headcanon is that he’s Christian, and was probably raised Catholic, but he only really attends mass for Christmas and Easter (not even for other Holy Days of Obligation). I guess to put it in shorter words, I see it as Wayne is definitely Christian, but he’s Catholic for convenience, meaning he believes in god but would prefer to do it privately and on his own terms (like, idk, praying on his own and displaying his faith through his actions) rather than having to deal with the church and its members, and he just continues to go to mass occasionally because it’s what he grew up with so he’s used to it and there’s no point in fixing something if it ain’t broke.

But Eddie. Oh, Eddie. If Wayne grew up Catholic, then so did Eddie’s dad. Since Eddie's dad is, like, y’know, an asshole, I think he’d be the sort of Catholic that’s a total hypocrite and gives the entire Catholic Church a bad name. Eddie’s mom could be Catholic, she could be Presbyterian, she could be Jewish, it really doesn’t matter (though I do see a lot of people headcanoning her as Jewish and I do kinda really like that headcanon).

If Eddie’s dad is Catholic, then it’s possible that Eddie could have attended a parochial school, but it could go either way. One: maybe he didn’t because his mom is Jewish/non-Catholic or just because his parents didn’t feel the need to send him to one, or two: he did attend a parochial school, at least for a little bit. However, since we know that Eddie and Chrissy attended the same school for middle school, there are also two ways that this can go. One is that Chrissy also attended the same parochial school and the talent show they talk about in the forest scene in 4.01 occurred at said parochial middle school. The other is that Eddie did attend a parochial school for a while but got kicked out and sent to Hawkins Middle School, where he then participates in the talent show. (I also think the concept of Eddie getting kicked out of a Catholic school and sent to a public school -- whatever the reason may be -- would add to his reputation and image as A Freak or Mean And Scary because did you hear that the weird new kid got kicked out of his other school? will always spawn rumors.)

In regards to Eddie’s personal beliefs, I think he’s kind of similar to Wayne, but also not. Whereas I see Wayne as “Catholic for convenience”, I see Eddie as more of just “Christian for convenience”, which to me just means that he’s not really sure what he believes, but when it comes down to it, he’ll say sure, I guess I believe that there is A God because it’s a little easier and a little less terrifying to believe in Something than it is to believe in Nothing. I don’t personally see Eddie as an atheist, because to me, he seems like he would be the kind of person that wants to believe in something, but he doesn’t like to spend too long thinking about what exactly it is that he believes in (in regard to there being a higher power) because it’ll send him spiraling into some sort of existential crisis. Which, same.

I do think that Eddie would become disenchanted with and disconnected from the Catholic church as an entity/community, because I definitely think he disagrees with a LOT of the stuff that the church preaches/believes. Also, since Eddie’s a big fat nerd and I headcanon him as a major literature buff, I think he’s definitely read the Bible (and probably the Catholic Catechism as well) so that he can 1) call out aforementioned hypocritical Catholics/Christians and 2) get inspiration for writing campaigns and/or songs.

Somewhat unrelated, but in the one (upcoming) fic I have right now that bothers to explore the religious sides of the characters, I have Eddie attending mass with Wayne for Christmas, but it's an anomaly for him and he grumbles about it the whole time. (It's for plot purposes and he doesn't like it.)

And then of course, Eddie's probably really interested in the stories of some of the saints and martyrs because some of them are pretty fuckin' metal. I also think he's super interested in religious iconography and metaphors for some reason, and loves finding those references and metaphors in songs and books.

Side note: I don't necessarily think that being Catholic is something that would have Othered Eddie (and Wayne) in Hawkins, especially if there is a strong Catholic population, but I do think that because of Eddie's non-conformist attitude and apparent general disdain for authority, he would have been Othered by the church (or rather its parishioners) and probably therefore deemed Freak, Satanist, etc.

I also think there’s something to be said about Eddie being put in an almost Christ-like shepherd position with his freshman sheepies. Also, the sentiment expressed in Mark 2:17 feels vaguely Eddie-like. (For those not familiar, this occurs when Jesus is asked by the pharisees and officials why he associates and eats with tax collectors and sinners, to which he replies “it is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.”) However, I think that Eddie’s thing is less redeeming the sinners and more giving the excluded and ostracized a place to be included and treated well. But I digress.

Now, Chrissy. Dearest, loveliest Chrissy. While it is totally plausible that the Cunninghams are Presbyterian or Evangelical Christian or something else, miss girl has mega Repressed Catholic Girl Energy, so I’ve been headcanoning her family as Catholic. I definitely think Laura would use Catholicism (or Christianity in general) as a large tool in her attempts to control Chrissy and dictate her life. So like, because Catholicism is more strict/regimented/structured compared to other denominations like Baptist or Presbyterian, I think Laura would try to use it to make Chrissy’s life more strict/regimented/structured. (And also there’s the Guilt™️. Chrissy seems like the type of gal to be crippled by Catholic guilt.)

I’ve got this image in my head that I hope to be able to express in that upcoming wip I mentioned where Chrissy, once her mother (and Jason) starts trying to control her and obsess over her body, somehow equates the general “be Christ-like” thing with “Take this and eat of it; for this is my body, which has been given up for you” (which, again, for those unfamiliar with the proceedings of a Catholic mass, this is something that the priest says in regards to the Eucharist/communion wafers; it’s a reference to the last supper when Jesus broke bread and shared it with his disciples.) so she ends up letting her mother control her because that’s what she thinks is the right thing to do in order to “be Christ-like” and gain approval.

And then I know a lot of people headcanon Jason as the pastor’s son. In a story where they aren’t written as explicitly Catholic, I do like this headcanon because I think it would explain a lot about his character. However, in a setting where they are written as Catholic, I think Jason would be of the hypocritical sort. (He’ll preach the Bible at anyone he disagrees with, but then will turn around and completely disregard anything said about premarital sex, love thy neighbor, love thy enemy, etc. Essentially the sort of Christian that twists what’s said in the Bible to suit their needs and ignores the parts that they disagree with -- which is exactly the kind of person I think Eddie would read the entire Bible to be able to argue with.)

#idek if this makes sense but #wow haha. whoops #me: *sees the catholic munsons post* same hat!! #also me: *thinks about it for more than thirty seconds* *writes over 1500 words about it* #it's been marinating in my head for two days but i havent had time to sit and write it out #it took up two and a half pages of a google doc #ANYWAYS #✌️🤪 #am i thinking too much into it? probably #it was fun to think about though #it really helped me further develop their characterization for this wip i keep mentioning #also if you read all the way through ily <3 #okay wow sorry that was a lot of words and im tired as shit now #eddie munson #eddie munson headcanon #eddie munson headcanons #wayne munson #wayne munson headcanon #wayne munson headcanons #chrissy cunningham #chrissy cunningham headcanon #chrissy cunningham headcanons #hellcheer #stranger things #stranger things headcanon #stranger things headcanons #just r's thoughts

[dark-elf-writes]

I love you and the three raccoons that make up your 5’4 ass but please STOP GETTING HURT. And the concern is vry much warranted hon

It was the broken ankle wasn’t it? That’s what caused the concern.

….

Have I told the story about the time I became The Kid Who Totally Died In Homeroom™️?

So like I live in the America Lands where from a young age I was told to deny an ambulance at all costs because shit costs money and until my mom remarried we were poor as fuck. But EMT’s only let you deny care if you are able to like breathe and tell them that and are also not a minor.

And can breathe.

So I had zero hour (class before classes technically started) gym and it was fallish time I think so my lungs were already shot but no one believed that my wheezing ass needed to not be told to run faster because I would do it and then almost black out so fun times.

So I had an asthma attack. No big. I had a minor one pretty much every day. Took the inhaler. Vibes with the office ladies who saw me pretty much every day because two middle aged moms were better company when asthma-ing than The Alleged Pornstar™️ and like twenty five teenager. It’s whatever. We move on.

Second hour is Chorus which is normally fine but my lungs were still feeling real bad and trying to Fancy Breathe was not making it better. Got a little more wheezy. Spammed my inhaler again. No big.

Then comes homeroom which that day was club period.

And I was, perhaps unsurprisingly, in improv club.

So I’m sitting on top of a desk in the Forensic Science classroom watching them play the bus station improve game when it happens.

I cough.

Then I keep coughing.

Then I can’t breathe.

So me being me just get up and walk out. It’s an old hat. I’m pretty used to it. I start making my way to the office to vibe with my girlies until it passes.

Only it doesn’t pass.

And the office is farther away from the forensics classroom than it is from the gym. And I’m still coughing and wheezing. Rather loudly mind. It’s not fun.

Here is where things start getting hazy. One minute I’m in the hallway alone and the next the tiny forensic science teacher who is like the same size as me but fifty pounds lighter and one of my office girlies are hauling ass towards me. Then I’m sitting in the office girlies desk. Then more and more people are there watching and staring and I’m still not able to get in a breath.

I remember two things clearly.

One: the friend I was fighting with for months (who incidentally said I faked my asthma attacks) was at the phone calling home staring at me.

Two: my French/Theatre teacher the sweetest woman I knew was watching me with horror as she sunk into a chair and I have a very clear memory of thinking “someone should help her” like I wasn’t actively trying to suck what little scraps of oxygen I could get through satans piss hole.

Then I’m in the assistant principal’s office and the EMT’s are there. There mother fucker’s give me FOUR BREATHING TREATMENTS IN A ROW.

I don’t know if you’ve ever had a breathing treatment but it really scrambles the brain meats. Just one makes me kinda loopy. At this point I am staring glassy eyes at this man as he tries to get the barest information from me because I know he’s talking and I see his mouth moving and nothing. No one is home.

No one can get ahold of either of my parents. My mom lives half an hour away. My dad is literally around the corner but was probably drunk at 10:45 AM on a Friday. No one knows what to do. I offer to drive myself home. No one agrees with me (v rude)

They finally call a code yellow to keep the other kids in class and load me up on a stretcher to go to the hospital. I think my dad showed up here. Pretty sure I called him a bastard. Not entirely sure.

The only memories I have after this are that they were playing the local rock station and I lifted my head off the stretcher looked the EMT in the face and told him “I like this station” as the edgy sex innuendo soundboard plays signaling the radio person actually talking. And once I was actually in the ER and both my mom and stepdad had arrived I cracked a joke because I’m still out of my mind zoinked and my step dad Was Not Amused and snapped at me.

I was fine. They kept me like less than an hour and sent me home. I kept the bracelet on as an excuse to leave work early. By the time Monday rolled around half the school thought I was dead and the other half were like “Nah that’s just something they do ya know”

And that is the story of my one and only ambulance ride.

My school got a pulse ox machine for literally just me the very next year.

#the elf talks #this isn’t even my most wild story tbh #if something batshit insane is going to happen it’s going to happen to me #I am murphy’s law on two legs

[justafrogandherumbrella]

Welcome to Nowhere: A New Plan

Once you finish writing, you look up to find that almost everyone else has already finished, aside from Emerson, who is still writing things down. You suppose that must be because they have much more to remember. 

“Alright everyone,” Adeeryn says, pulling herself up to sit on the counter. “Let’s all sit down and have ourselves a discussion, shall we?”

Unfortunately, there aren’t many places to sit, so most end up sitting on the gas station floor. You opt to just keep standing- you don’t know what else has touched that floor. 

Seeing that everyone else is sitting down, Jenny too, sits on the floor. She tries to pull Bianca down next to her, but Bianca shakes off her hand, and walks over to sit by Emerson instead. Jenny looks noticeably offended by this, but says nothing. 

“So,” Bianca says, causing Emerson to look up from their notebook. “Let me get this straight, my friends and I,” she gestures to everyone in the room. “-Originally had a plan to put off graduating as long as possible, so we wouldn’t be forced to be constantly working at my dad’s office?”

“Well, I- I mean, yes,” Emerson says, clearly feeling nervous due to the sudden eye contact. “I believe so.”

“And it was just us, as in those of us in this room, who were involved in this plan?”

This time, he shakes his head. “I think you have more friends who did that, but weren’t participating in any active acts against Mr. Rotary. I just grabbed the people who were involved in our last plan.”

“Okay,” Bianca says, nodding her head and playing a slight static. “Could you summarize what’s happened to you since coming here- Dispassion, I mean.”

“R-right, sure,” Emerson says, leaning their antennae backwards, away from Bianca’s face. “S-so, when we first got here, we came because our friend Gia is a monster-hunter, and her dog Bea led us here. When inquiring about the monster that we knew was here, your other dad, Mayor… Miller, I think? Anyways,” they say, shaking their head. “He led us to Dispassion Offices to talk to Mr. Rotary, who made Rue and Gia sign a contract in order for us to stay here. The contract stated that they will be given jobs to do here, and that when the ‘workday’ ends, he would help us hunt for monsters. Unfortunately, he only ‘helped’ once, because ‘the workday never ends,’ and…”

“And?” Bianca asks, looking at him intently.

“And uhm-” they falter. “C-could you stop staring please?” he asks. “Sorry, I’m not trying to be rude or anything, it’s just that you’re- uhm- distracting me a little bit.”

“Oh! Right, my bad,” Bianca says, looking at the floor instead. “Sorry, I’ve been told I have a problem with,” she stops, glaring at Lucas. “I’ve been told I have a problem with ‘random, unnecessary eye-contact.’ Which, personally, I think is a bit of an overstatement, but whatever.”

Aderyn sighs. “I’ll finish the summary of events, if you don’t mind.”

“Wait, wait, wait, wait,” Ollie says, putting both their hands up in the air. “Are we supposed to actually believe any of this? I mean, no offense to you guys or anything, but this is a whole lot to throw on us, and it seems awfully…”

“Unrealistic,” Ava finishes. 

“Be patient,” Aderyn scolds. “Let me finish our story, and then I’ll provide you with some proof. Anyway,” she says, rolling her eye. “So yeah, we got duped, which I personally think we should have expected. Eventually, there was this thing where Rue, Emerson, and I met you in your school's disgusting nurse’s office, and we ended up going to your mansion in an attempt to go through your dad’s shit. Rue and Emerson got caught, and pretended they were there for a sleepover. By the way, why were you even home if the workday doesn’t end?” Adeyn asks, looking at Bianca suspiciously. 

“Oh, my family gets… benefits,” she answers, sounding a little embarrassed. 

“Right okay, so we ended up pretending you guys were having a sleepover or whatever, and you, Emerson, and Gia distracted Mr. Rotary, while Rue, Jenny, and I went snooping.”

“Wait,” Lucas asks. “Just you, Jenny, and Rue? Were  any of the rest of us there?”

“No. Anyway, we found Jerrell, broke into Mr. Rotary’s office- because Rue somehow spoke to the lock, by the way-  there was this mirror that made Rue freak out, bla, bla, bla… and then the first reset- since our arrival- happened. When no one else other than Emerson and I remembered what happened,” she explains. “I kind of flipped out and dragged Emerson out into the desert. At that point I think Bianca, Jenny, and Gia all went back to the office. However,” she says, staring at you intensely. “Rue didn’t. Here’s where my gap in knowledge comes in. From what Jerrell told me, he encountered you by the office again- oh, and that’s how Felicity came into all this as well. Felicity has some kind of weird deal thing going on with Jerrell, that I don’t think even she remembers why. Would I be right to assume that?” she asks, nodding towards Felicity.

She looks down, embarrassed. “Yes,” she says quietly.

Aderyn nods. “So yeah, you guys encountered each other there, and then went back to work for some reason. Now, a huge gap in my knowledge as I have no idea since no one who wasn’t reset was there. What I know is that Emerson and I were wandering the desert for a good while until I was suddenly trapped in an elevator, chained up with these evil, bite-y daisy chains, and left in a dark, dry room to rot. Emerson tells me everyone here split into two groups to find me. They also tell me that not much happened with their group. That being said,” she explains. “Ava, Jenny, Felicity, and Rue freed me, Jerrell briefly tried to stop them, but failed. Then we all got separated in the creepy, awful elevator maze while I was dying, somehow we all found eachother again, and then the moment we left you guys were all reset, and wandered off into the desert to go to work. I’ve been hiding out to keep myself safe, and after a good long while of you all being mindless zombies, we find ourselves here,” she finishes, taking a moment to catch her breath. 

Ding.

“Oh,” she says, gesturing toward the elevator rising out of the ground just outside the building. “Look who’s finally arrived.”

Lo and behold, Jerrell walks out of the elevator, and everyone turns to stare at him as he walks toward the building. The silence and staring is quite awkward, especially with Jerrell staring back as he walks toward the door. There’s something a little different about him than usual- though you’re not sure how you would know that. It’s something about his face- his expression, you think. He looks… distraught. 

“What are you all staring at?” he snaps as he shoves the door open, stepping over Caitlyn. 

“Soo,” she says, scooting out of the way of the door. “This is Jerrell?”

“Yes,” Felicity says, standing up. “Hi, Jerrell.”

Jerrell doesn’t respond to her, instead opting to curse out the ceiling light as he bumps his head into it. 

“Godamn…” he mutters incoherently. “Dimensions… too… short.”

“What was that?” you ask, unaware that he was only talking to himself. 

“Nothing,” he snaps again, whirling around to face you, only to smack his head against the light once more. “Oh, goddamnit!” he shouts, flopping down to sit on his knees, just so that he won’t get hurt anymore. Even sitting down he still manages to tower over you. 

Bianca stifles a laugh. 

“Well,” Jerrell grumbles. “Have you kids formed a plan yet?”

“A plan?” Ava asks nervously while biting the nail of her thumb, her roses having gone completely white now. 

“Wait,” Lucas says before Jerrell can say anything else. “You,” he points at Aderyn. “You said that you have evidence.”

“Well, sort of,” Aderyn says. “Emerson, your satchel is behind the counter. Do you think you could show them?”

“Yup,” Emerson says hurriedly, getting up from his seat and leaving a small puddle of slime in their wake.  He goes behind the counter, retrieving their leather satchel. They hold the satchel upside down for a moment, about to dump whatever its contents were on the floor, when they stop, turning the bag right side up again.  Instead, they sit down, gesturing for everyone to draw near. Once everyone has seated in a circle around him, he looks at you.

“Rue,” they say. “Do you think you could reach inside my bag and pull out the papers? My hands are damp, and I don’t want to ruin them. Oh- and be careful please. What’s left crumbles really easily.”

“Oh, okay,” you say, doing as you’re told. As carefully as you can, you lift a small, burnt pile of papers out from the bag.

“You look at them first,” Emerson explains. “Then pass them around.”

“Apparently,” Aderyn says, jumping down from the counter. She stumbles a little, struggling to stand after the impact. “Damn,” she mutters. “And just when I thought I was finally recovering…” She sits down on the floor next to Caitlyn. “Apparently, the reason your group kept bouncing back despite being reset constantly, is because you all kept journals recording your memories. Well, all of you except Felicity,” she says, nodding towards Jerrell. “He just kept her in the loop after every single reset, for some reason. Unfortunately,” she sighs. “Mr. Rotary managed to get ahold of these journals, and he burned them. This is all that remains. So… not much information here.”

Oh… oops. 

You look through the scattered, burnt papers. Most of them are difficult to read, with only a few legible words scheduled throughout. However, there is one particular scrap of paper that catches your eye. Most of the legible words are irrelevant, but there is one word written there that seems… alarming, you suppose. 

“Traitor”

Carefully, so that no one else sees, you slip the piece of paper up your sleeve. You then pass the stack of papers to Felicity, who is seated beside you. 

“Whoah,” she says, “Ava, I think this ‘there is’ on this page is your handwriting.” 

“No,” Ava shakes her head. “That’s impossible, why would- oh,” she stops when Felicity shows her the paper. “That is my handwriting. B- but I didn’t write this!”

“Or maybe you did,” Caitlyn says wistfully. “And you just can’t remember. Here, pass it to me.”

Silently, Ava obliges. 

Slowly, the papers are passed around to everyone, and each person’s doubtful expressions change when seeing their own writing, their own past thoughts, facing them. Comparing the handwriting of the note you kept, and that of the other pages, you think the person who wrote your stolen entry must be Jenny. 

Interesting. 

Jerrell pulls out his watch. His weird, magic watch. 

“What are you…” you start to ask as he starts to twist the knobs and push the buttons on the top. Nothing happens. He puts the watch back in his pocket.  “... Doing?”

“Please,” he scoffs. “All I did was check the…” he glances around the room. “Well, I’m sure you know what I mean.”

You do. You know exactly what he means- but weirdly enough, it doesn’t make any sense to you. You don’t know why it would, but for some reason the idea of checking the time seems nonsensical to you. Perhaps it’s because of something you’ve forgotten. 

There is no time, not here. 

“Anyway,” Jerrell sighs. “I just stopped by to make sure you were all on the right track. I’d better get going now.”

“Wait what?” Aderyn says, attempting to get up, only to fall back to the floor. Jerrell, meanwhile, stands up, bumps his head against the light again, and exits the building, and walks back to the elevator outside. 

Ding.

“Well,” Adeyrn says. “So much for him helping us out. Guess we’ll have to come up with a plan on our own then.”

“Come up with a plan?” Ava repeats in a panicked voice. “Right now?”

“Well, yeah,” Ollie says. “I personally believe that forming a plan in this situation is extremely important.”

“What ‘situation?!’” She shouts incredulously. “She said she would provide us with evidence,” she says pointing at Aderyn, then pointing to the pile of papers which are now seated on the floor in the center of the circle. “But this isn’t evidence! It’s just a bunch of burnt scraps of paper with our handwriting on them! For all we know, she could have nabbed some of our school assignments and burnt them! None of this,” she says, this time gesturing at the entire room. “None of this proves anything!” She stops, catching her breath. 

“Well,” Lucas says, putting a scrap of paper he had held onto with the rest of the pile. “She’s not wrong,” he says. “I agree that our situation is suspicious, but our work shifts will start soon, and we don’t want to get caught skipping. We’ll just… keep an eye out, or something.”

“Wait,” Caitlyn says, pinching her white, rabbit fur between her paws. “We’ve kinda always known that Mr. Rotary is evil though, even if we haven’t really been thinking about it lately. I know I don’t want to work for him, so shouldn’t we start planning to stop him anyway, whether there’s such a thing as a reset or not?”

“Yeah,” Jenny says, while Ollie nods their head in agreement. “I don’t know what’s been happening to us lately- but I know that I don’t want it to continue. We can’t just sit here and do nothing.”

“Look,” Ava says in an almost pleading voice. “I agree with you on that- but we don’t know anything about the situation we’re in! We can start to formulate a plan after we gather more information. Even if what they’re saying is true, we have no idea what kinds of fail-safes Mr. Rotary has put in place, or what we’re up against. Think about it, if we really have been ‘reset’ over and over again, then that means we were failing- probably because we were acting recklessly. Given our current situation, I don’t think we need to make the same mistake again. We need to wait and observe before we can begin to plan.”

“Uhm, about that,” you say, beginning to panic a little at her dire tone. “I don’t think you guys can afford to wait.”

“What do you mean by that?” Bianca asks, sounding bone-chillingly grave. 

“Well, your goal has been to put off graduating until you can… I dunno, defeat Mr. Rotary or something, right?”

Ollie shrugs. “Apparently, we wouldn’t know any of our old plans.”

“Well,” you say. “If that still stands, there’s something you need to know.”

“Just spit it out already!” Felicity snaps, resulting in her getting elbowed by Lucas. 

“You guys are not only on track for graduation- but apparently that’s coming up soon for all of you,” you say, feeling… guilty, for some reason. 

There’s a moment of silence that seems to stretch out for an eternity before Felicity speaks up.“Well, I’d say that after that announcement, we should all be on the same page with taking action immediately. Luckily for you,” she says proudly. “I know some things- and I have an idea.”

#writeblrcafe #my writing #weirdcore #weirdcore/dreamcore #dreamcore #writblr #Writers on tumblr #Welcome to Nowhere #work in progress #writerscorner #writing community #Welcome to Nowhere: A New Plan

[thealvininkwell]

Easter Sunday

I'd been camping my whole life, taking in the sights, the sounds, the smells, just admiring nature and forgetting about all of my problems. It was always something I did with my father when I was younger, but he passed away unexpectedly when I was twenty, so I tried to find a way to do one last camping trip with him.

See, every year around Father's Day, we went to one specific campsite in Appalachian Kentucky. It was secluded enough to where cars and any other motorized vehicle couldn't get through without having serious issues. We liked that. Sure, it was a little more risky if something were to happen, but it gave us time to just bond and catch up. The year he died, I was living in Pennsylvania, so I had to pass through Virginia to get back home to Kentucky, a mistake I wish I'd never made.

All was well, until I hit a city called Clifton. Clifton was a small city of about 200 people. Coming from a small town myself, I loved passing through there normally, even though the cell service there was non-existent.

I forgot to mention I had gotten a late start. Instead of leaving at 9A.M. like I'd planned, I would up on the phone with my mother for several hours just talking about Dad. I didn't get going until around 5P.M.

Where I was in Pennsylvania meant I had a near-twelve hour drive, with Clifton being about three or four hours in. While there, my car started to have some mechanical issues under Colchester Overpass, a small bridge for trains with a short tunnel for one-way car traffic.

My car wasn't exactly in the best shape to begin with, but lights flickering on the dash as well as my headlights was not a good sign. I don't know much about cars, but I remember my dad having this problem once, too. I found out later it was a bad alternator.

My car stalled perfectly under Colchester Overpass. "Shit," I remember saying. Instinctively, I grabbed my phone to call AAA. Of course, there was no signal. I got out and started walking to try and get some signal of sort when I came across a small cottage. It seemed older, maybe late 1800s construction, and had a beat up front porch, like someone had been chopping at it with an axe.

I took a step forward, being considerate of the 'private property' sign. "Excuse me!" I called out, "I'm sorry to bother you! My car broke down just a little ways north of here under the overpass!"

Behind me a male voice spoke out from in the woods, "Can you read?" His voice was clearly aggravated.

"Yes, sir." I replied, "I just need to call a mechanic and I'll be on my way."

After an uncomfortable silence, I turned around saw a figure in the treeline. It was dark, but I could still make out a set of ears, bunny ears.

I was paralyzed, I wasn't sure what to do. Thankfully, something snapped me out of it. He started running towards me. No, not running; sprinting.

I tore off towards my car. It wasn't in great shape, but I had a good battery, so it should've started. Getting in, I turned the key and prayed. The engine roared and I floored it toward the figure, and that's when I saw it.

He was wearing a bunny suit, a beat up, bunny suit with red stains around the hands. What horrified me the most was the fact the eyes were gouged out and I saw his eyes. Brown, dead, psychotic eyes. He sidestepped my car and I heard a loud thud!

Driving until my car gave out again, I probably got twenty or thirty minutes down the road and checked my phone. Thankfully, it had service. My first call was to the police, reporting the incident.

They told me the little house had been abandoned for almost two decades, but they had gotten similar calls about strange activities in the area.

The second one was to AAA. I got a tow truck and they hauled me to the nearest mechanic after removing the hatchet from the back of the car.

As for the "Bunny Man", I have never passed through Clifton again.

#writeblr #writers on tumblr #writing #horror short #horror story #my writing #the bunny man #cryptid

[gavichaelreaction]

A long (and personal) rant about what’s happened at RoosterTeeth (overdue I know)

It’s taken me a while to really sit and think through this. I had more things written when I was running on raw emotion, but I’ve since dialled it back. I didn’t want my last post on here to be the last thing I say about it. So, with that out of the way;

The reality of how bad things had gotten at RoosterTeeth hit me after the layoffs, and the Black Lives Matter movement when Mica Burton expressed how she was actually treated by some people behind the scenes. I really felt for her on that one Off Topic episode.

For years, RoosterTeeth had always preached about how fun their workplace was and how they were all like a family. So many fans wanted to work there, and even though employees there themselves always said “don’t aim to work here” we still grew up watching their videos, drawing fan art, writing fanfics & idolising these people, wishing that we knew them.

Since the whole ry*n and ad*m thing, fans have been burned before, learning in one of the worst ways possible that putting these people up on a pedestal like that can go right to their heads and make them feel like they can get away with anything. How some will take advantage of their fans, the people who trusted them.

The media company that I grew up watching, their videos I watched religiously from 2012 through to 2015, it was all sunshine and rainbows, but only on the surface. If only I’d have known what was really going on this whole time. I’ve not followed RT or AH for a long time, and when I have been keeping up with some stuff, it’s been on Twitter when a new controversy arises. Which is a total shame.

I’m just glad that Ray got out of there and found his true calling in life. He’s done so well for himself after he left, married the love of his life, has 2 dogs, a home, and a career that he now has control over, getting to do what he wants and no longer feeling burnt out like he was. That fans (for the most part) respected his choice, even if they didn’t like it, realising that actually he was better off in the end.

I’m so happy that Mica has since moved on to bigger and better things, found her people over at Critical Roll, who all welcomed her with open arms, and has been on freaking Star Trek alongside her dad! Love all of that for her, and she seems genuinely happy now!

I’m glad that Kdin told her story, has forgiven people who’ve come forward and apologised for their actions and past behaviours, let everyone know who her real friends are, and called out the people who did wrong or turned a blind eye to the shit that went on and did nothing to help her.

I was happy to see people actively riot when Matt announced his job had been dissolved. When he & Jeremy first joined AH, I saw a lot of negativity towards them, generally “change bad” and “new people not funny” but they were once fans like us, who we thought were lucky to work there. Now though, they’ve seen the other side and have still stayed humble. They seem like good, genuine, down to earth people who are still so invested in the RT community. Showing their support for Kdin, Ray, Mica and everyone else who was hurt by all of this. I hope they all stream together someday!

I’m glad that Michael delivered what I thought was the most genuine apology out of everybody and that Kdin has forgiven him. He has since shown growth, not just in his words but with his actions. He’s not the same person he was when he started at AH. He’s stepped up and taken responsibility. Not everyone forgives him, not everyone sees it that way, but I’m glad Kdin does.

One of the best things that RT ever did, was hire Monty Oum. If there’s one thing that man did for me while he was there, was that he taught me to never give up. To strive for the life that I deserve, and not settle for anything less, and to be creative. Even if it means I’m not good at something first, even if it takes a lifetime. To be thankful for life in general, because you never truly know how long you have.

The only thing that really stops us is time.

I never wanted to work at RoosterTeeth, I just wanted that creative and encouraging workplace that felt like a family, where my voice was not only heard but also listened to. Where I felt valued and respected. Now I’ve found that, and I get to live that dream. After years of feeling like a failure and not having any direction or purpose, and I never take that for granted. “Not everyone gets to do what they love as their job, and there’s never a day where I forget that.” I now feel the love that I’ve craved so much and for so long. I don’t want to not exist anymore, I want to live my life knowing that Monty would be proud of me, to be proud of myself, and to do enough living for both of us.

It just saddens me that this wasn’t the true reality for some working at RoosterTeeth. The things it did give me, that I will always cherish and take away from it- good memories, ideas, inspiration, laughs, moments that got me through some of the darkest times of my life, and hope for the future. Belief in myself that I could do anything I set my mind to, and to aim beyond the stars. Let my imagination run wild and it would get me there in the end. It’s never too late, I’m not too old, I am good enough, and I’m not alone.

“You’re never fighting alone, get up, get going, I’ll meet you there.” AND,

Keep Moving Forward.

Anyway, /rant.

#Suzy plz #yes hello I’m ranting on this account again #if you read all of this thank you

[sweet-jolly-fucken-ranchers]

kind of a bummer that my mum only wants to do cool activities with me when she’s pissed off with my dad.

they crashed my friend and i’s dinner at a new vegan bar we’d been meaning to try and seemed happy last week, I went home and the next morning everything was weird. I suspect my parents fought and haven’t made up and I think my dad’s ex-fling is causing trouble again because my mum is being really detached and my dad is playing songs he would listen to when things between them were really bad. songs I will never be able to listen to again without being overstimulated and panicky and unsure.a

mum asked if I wanted to go to the museum in London today but I woke up late (had been on morning shift yesterday so was basically up for 20 hours and overslept) but every other time I’m off she just plans things with my dad and I’m gonna sound like a baby but ever since they got back together I feel like I’ve kind of been left in the dust. I have amazing friends and a good schedule keeping me happy and healthy but it’s something I’ve noticed that nags at me, was my mum only connecting with me when dad was gone because I was convenient?

she says she loves me and wouldn’t have been able to get through it without me. when dad drove her home drunk and left her wasted and crying on our doorstep last year and then went home with his girlfriend I was the one who sat with her until she exhausted herself from crying and slept on the sofa across from her to make sure she didn’t do anything stupid in the night. I was the one who made sure she was eating enough and washing and she told me things I’ll never be able to forget and we spent mother-child days together where I felt so needed and seen finally. now any day off she gets she spends exclusively with my dad doing coupley things.

I feel used and rejected and abandoned, I don’t know how to feel about that. Angry? Disappointed? Lonely? Was I just an emotional sponge for her to rant and rave? I was so angry at dad and she and my Nan affirmed so much of what I was already feeling and I saw him so clearly for what he was and now I feel like the veil has been pulled back over the ugly face of this relationship and I’m just supposed to forget everything she said and everything I read in her journal when their relationship was new.

they’re meant to go to the Isle of Wight early tomorrow to see my brother and nieces but she’s still not home and text me that dad “doesn’t give a shit” and I feel catapulted back into the worst mindset I’ve had in my life. I want to disconnect completely from it but I know their woes are going to affect the atmosphere of the entire house. what am I supposed to think? or do?

#personal #parents

[noodle-tries-to-write]

I have just hit 32k words on my book (it's slow going at the moment, but any work is good work!). so. should you like to read a section from it on this fine morning, you can find it under the cut

tw for OCD-related things (violent intrusive thoughts)

context is that Riley is at a dinner with Asher, Cara, and Asher's parents. this is for complicated plot reasons you don't need to know

I look across at Riley, and xe actually looks like xer smiling. Huh. I guess xe has some gene or something that makes adults talking about their jobs seem interesting. A gene that I am clearly lacking – I still don’t really know what my dad does after all these years (beyond his job title) because I clock off whenever he starts to talk about it.

“Anyway, enough of that! Riley, do you do much in the way of extracurricular activities?”

I’m about to intervene when Cara decides to do the hard work for me.

“Muuum, do you really have to be such a… mum?”

“Oh I see, I’m not cool enough for you, huh? What is it that cool mums ask their daughter’s friends?”

Cara just shrugs, and goes back to looking down at her plate.

“It’s okay, Mrs Harker. I actually used to play rugby before I started college. After that, everything got a bit tough, and now school is my number one priority.”

“Oh that’s a shame.” Mum glances at me for a second, and I’m suddenly filled with a mix of dread and a desire to escape. “I don’t know if Ash told you, but she actually –”

I pull back my chair and stand up. 

“I need some air. I’m going for a walk around the block.”

I don’t know what it is about my mum that gets on my nerves so much these days, but I’m sick of it. If you can believe it, we actually used to have a pretty decent mother-child bond. Yeah, we pissed each other off from time to time, but we mostly got along. I was a good kid, so we were pretty much always either on the same team or willing to cooperate our way to an agreement. It was all fine. Then last year happened, and now… the more she obsesses over my well-being, the more I want to run to the hills and never talk to her again.

It’s because you’re a horrible no good person who can’t even act grateful towards their own mother. It’s because you’re a demon in disguise who is finally showing their true colours. Just you wait. One day they’ll see how evil you truly are, and you’ll be wishing to have the sympathy back. Ungrateful shithead.

I shake my head, trying to force the thoughts out. Trying to push them out of my head and onto the pavement. 

You don’t want to face up to these thoughts because you know they’re true. A good person wouldn’t have these kinds of doubts, and you know it.

Ah. My brain’s favourite trap. If I accept that I’m a bad person, that means that I truly am a bad person. If I deny that I’m a bad person, that means I’m in denial, which means I’m one of the worst kinds of bad people. 

Look at you. Even trying to manipulate yourself. Trying to work out the correct response to a series of thoughts that wouldn’t matter so much to you if you weren’t such a horrible person. You couldn’t stop manipulating people if you tried.

I return to the previous strategy of trying to shake all the thoughts away. This time, I even tap the sides of my head while I’m doing it. And then I’m counting the shakes and the taps, trying to work some kind of rhythm. Using almost everything in my arsenal to get it all to stop.

Evil piece of shit. Shake. Tap. One. Absolutely fucked up. Shake. Tap. Two. Your family secretly hates you, and you deserve that. Shake. Tap. Three. You’re going to end up hurting them one day, mark my words, you awful shit. Shake. Tap. Four. 

I pause. I wait a moment, checking to see if something has worked. Making sure that the thoughts are truly gone. 

I hear a quiet little thought at the back of my mind. I take a deep breath. And I choose to ignore it. It’s only a little thought. I’ve gotten rid of enough of the big ones that maybe it’s time for me to go back to the restaurant. Maybe it’s time to go back to being normal. Time to thank my lucky stars that nobody walked out here and saw me in all my insane glory.

Except, judging by the way Cara looks at me when I sit back down, I think she definitely knows what just happened. I don’t look at my mum or Riley. I don’t want to know what they’re thinking or feeling. I don’t want to check whether they’re angry or sympathetic. I just want to get through this dinner without having to think about any of it for one more second.

#if the formatting is weird blame tumblr #writing #original writing

[queencryo]

two days ago, red and i woke up in laramie wyoming, with a battle plan. that is to say, paralyzing uncertainty and anxiety. i checked out of our hotel, and asked some advice. locals said that going south on US289 would probably be safe, so we did just that. it was... laughably fine, lmao. i was still terrified, but i spent most of the time after we got out of town (and saw that it was legitimately just fine lmfao) planning. winter storm was coming in later that evening, that would close off pretty mluch every mountin opass north of the panhandle. i spent a lot of time on reds phone checking utah DOT websites, google maps, planning out routes. it felt like a flurry of activity, all routed thru a cell phone that wasnt even mine.

Come colorado, i took over a bit west of denver. not realizing that ahead of us in our route was a huge mountain pass at like 12000 feet elevation. it waas kind of terrifying. thank fucking god it was entirely dry with only small patches of ice.

a little after that, we agreed to ride through utah, then soithwest along to new vegas as was the original plan two weeks ago. only problem was that the mountain pass in monticello was likely to be blocked by the storm. so we drove as fast as fucking possble to moab, along the way speeding by numerous beautiful mountains n shit. red took over a bit before moab, and i resumed freantically monitoring road conditions. we also stopped at like three gas stations in moab, getting a coffee in each one and asking if they thought the monticello pass would stay clear. the consensus was 'idk yeah probably'.

we get to monticello. its snowing. off the road, theres a good foot or so of buildup. we followed a garbage truck for a while, but pulled in at a gas station when it did. to assess. the clerk said eh just follow a plow and youll be fine. i go to the bathroom, where the fuckl is red.... why is there an eighteenwheeler where our car was. oh, she and the car are stuck in the snow in the next parking lot over. apparently she had to move the car to get out of the way of the truckers who were now moving to the fistfighting stages of arguing about fifty feet away. fighting stances n shit, yelling. I went inside to get help, since i didnt know what i was doing. got help from a family who was at subway (mostly the dad, josh). he didnt know stuff, but he gave me the confidence and additional pushing that i needed to plan and execute helping alice do a three point turn to get baclk to tjhe travelled portion of the road. thanks josh!

a lil after that, a sbowplow went by and we attempted to follow it! (engaging with some youths who pulled a scooter from the snow for some reason??? they offered to help us get unstuck but it didnt really be necessary as it turned out!)

and so began our trek down the mountain. it was... scary as FUCK, for me anyway. i remember playing country roads (in part as propitiation to the mountain) and then that one detektivbyran album i listen to. keep my anxiety in check. red did all the snow driving, cuz she learned to drive in new mexico so she knows some stuff abt snow. We couldnt see more than twenty feet ahead of us at basically any time, and she later told me that at multiple points we were actually sliding. waugh. eventually, tho, like 30 minutes or so (felt longer) the snow turned to rain. and the roads were blessedly clear.

shortly afterward, i took over. the plan was to drive as long aspossible due west, along smaller highways, possibly all the way to st. george. neither of us really had it in us thoc 'o we had to stop around 10, in kayenta. still, thats a solid 13 hours of travel, some of them extremely stressful. i dont think we did too bad at all.

yesterday, we went from kayenta to primm. i originally wanted to sleep in goodsprings, but upon cursory research, turns out its a ghost town witha population of 160, no hotels. didnt have it in us to camp last night, so we stayed in the buffalo bill resort and casino. the inspiration for the bison steve resort in nv!! this is honestly the nicest hotel room ive ever been in, and the price is 10 dollars more than our motel 6 in laramie. highly recommend if ur in primm for some reason.

#blog #journal