#the why don't they just fucking talk to each other is so good

[theredcuyo]

Oh, I just thought of something fun

So, imagine this au where Jason and Bruce's relationship got better, like, pretty good now, but only the family knows about it

Anyone outside the bats has no idea that Jason is the red hood or that, alternatively, Hood is Batman's son

So, from time to time, someone will watch them interact/talk about each other and either be extremely confused or misinterpret it

Examples

"Bats, you okay?"

"..."

"You look more uh... Grumpy than usual"

"... My son is out of town"

"Oh, right uh... Must be hard, but hey, i heard one of your rouges was out too, the Red Hood i think, surely that makes it easier"

And then Batman just sighs for a long second (Internally, because he'll never say it, he's just thinking that he misses his little 6'4 boy, Jason is been out for like a day by now), and whoever was with him just thinks that maybe Red Hood is worse when he's out of Gotham (which is true but they don't know why)

"You're going to die if You don't go back right fucking now!" Yelled Red Hood, in midst of chaos of a fight, from somewhere near enough to be heard but not seen.

"I Will never leave this alone!" Yelled Batman back, again, without being seen.

The league thought that it was a way of Red Hood to treaten Batman, when in reality, Jason was just trying to sent home his dad who has two broken ribs, to which said dad replied that he couldn't just leave him alone to deal with the situation.

#Batman #jason todd #red hood #bruce wayne #good dad bruce wayne #uhhh i don't know what else to tag? #dc #dc comics #maybe? #headcanon? #au #batman au #that probably counts

[lnfours]

ik i should probably send this thru the lando brain rot but i am not exposing my filthy side lol so please excuse that. BUT lando with a figure skater who competes in singles but has to pairs for a gala show. he casually picks her from the practice and sees the pairs program which is stemy AF. i am thinking of smth like very hands on each other and her partner throwing her in air and catching her; his hands all over her waist while the song could be smth like into you by ariana grande.

a jealous lando fucking her going like "bet he can't do this" or smth like "oh he will never be able to see you like this" or "come on baby i've seen you split your body basically half on ice you can stretch more than that"

lol i am sorry i yapped alot feel free to ignore if you're not into it sm.

THIS IS LOWKEY GIVING ICEBREAKER AND IM SO HERE FOR IT FUCK!!!!!! smut (18+ pls!)

cleaning out my inbox

he was waiting for you when your routine ended, his arms crossed as he watched you and your partner. he knew you had done a more sensual routine this time around, but the sight of some dude having his hands all over you made him clench his jaw.

he knew it was part of your sport, that it was something silly to be mad at, but he couldn't help it. he didn't like sharing, especially when it came to you.

not wanting to make him wait any longer, you quickly grabbed your things and made your way over to him, stepping off the ice and smiling at him.

"hey, sorry, i forgot what time it was," you sighed, sitting down on the benches, "have you been waiting long?"

he shook his head, "'s alright."

you raised an eyebrow at him as you unlaced your skates, "you okay?"

he was looking in the direction towards your partner, "hmm? yeah, baby, 'm good."

"you sure?" you asked, stuffing the skates into your bag and slinging it over your shoulder, "you look pissed off."

the conversation was interrupted when your partner called your name, stepping off the ice and smiling at the both of you, "good job today, you did great!"

"thanks," you smiled, "so did you! i'll see you friday, right?"

"yeah, i'll see you friday," he smiled, "have a good night guys."

you laced your arm with your boyfriends, pulling him away from sending the poor boy daggers, "good night!"

lando followed your lead, walking with you back to the parking lot and to the car. you threw your stuff in the backseat before climbing into the passenger seat, noticing the way his jaw was still tight.

he started the car as you spoke softly, your hand resting on his arm, "are you sure you're okay?"

he nodded before looking over at you, "yeah, why wouldn't i be?"

"like i said, you look pissed," you said, "did you wanna talk about it?"

"'m fine, babe, really."

his tone made you think otherwise, and then it clicked. he was jealous.

you smirked over at him, laughing softly, "oh my god, you're jealous!"

"no, 'm not."

"you are, look at you!" you chuckled, "c'mon, babe, there's nothing to be jealous about."

"i just don't like the fact that he had his hands all over you," he said, "that's all."

you grabbed his hand from the center console, placing it on your cheek, "doesn't matter, the only man who's hands i want all over me is sitting right here."

you pressed a kiss to his palm, smiling softly. he moved his thumb, the pad of his finger tracing over your bottom lip. he leaned the side of his head against the headrest when you pressed a soft kiss to his finger, mumbling a soft, "fuck, if you keep this up, i'm going to have to fuck you in this parking lot."

you smirked over at him, "is that a challenge?"

he looked out to the parking lot, the only ones left were you and one other car he had assumed was the owner's.

fuck it.

he reached across the console, unbuckling the seatbelt you had done up before helping you climb over to the drivers side. you smiled down at him as he reclined the seat back, giving the both of you more room as you lowered yourself to his level, hand resting on the seat as you hovered over him.

"quit it," he said, helping you pull down your leggings and underwear, tugging down his own sweatpants but leaving the barrier of his boxers between the two of you.

"i just can't believe you're jealous of matt," you snickered, "of all people, matt? really?"

"shut up," he rolled his eyes, helping you out of your hoodie, "unless you want me to make you shut up."

"i don't know, this is fun, don't you think?"

he sighed, pulling you down for a kiss with one hand on the back of your neck as the other slipped between the two of you to find your clit. he smirked against your lips at the sound of your muffled whimper, his index finger slowly teasing you.

he pulled away, his lips on your neck. he spoke between kisses to your skin, "yeah, not so talkative now, hmm?"

"gotta do better than that."

without warning, he accepted your challenge and slid his finger into you with ease. you moaned softly, his queue to add another as you closed your eyes in pure bliss.

"what's the matter, baby?" he teased, "cat got your tongue?"

you couldn't help the moan that escaped your lips, "just fuck me already."

"i'll think about it."

"lando!"

"this is fun, don't you think?" he threw your teasing words back at you, making you groan. your mouth fell open at the feeling of his thumb toying with your clit as his fingers worked inside of you, moving at a delicious pace because he knew your body and what you liked like the back of his hand. and he knew what buttons to push to make you beg for it, and boy was he going to push his limits today.

"tell me what you want, baby," he said, his teeth tugging on your earlobe, "c'mon, pretty girl."

"want you," you moaned, "please."

"see, that's all you had to say."

he slowly pulled his fingers out from inside you as you sat up, letting him pull down his boxers. his dick sprung free, slapping him in the stomach before he helped you lower yourself down onto it. you both moaned in unison at the feeling of him stretching you out, his hands gripping your hips as you slowly started rocking back and forth.

"fuck," he moaned, grabbing at your ass, your sign that he wanted to take control. he started thrusting up into you, making you moan loudly as he somehow went even deeper than before, "yeah, baby, who's pussy is this?"

"yours," you moaned softly, one of his hands coming up to pull down your sports bra, your tits bouncing freely as his fingers tweaked with your nipple.

"sorry baby, i didn't hear you. who's did you say?"

"yours, lando," you said louder, "fuck."

he moved his hand, fingers coming back to rub tight circles against your clit, "yeah, bet he wouldn't fuck you like this, would he?"

you shook your head, but that wasn't good enough for him.

"words."

"no," you said, "he wouldn't."

"yeah cause you're mine," he said, his thrusts somehow going deeper and faster in the confined space the two of you were in, "all mine. got it?"

you nodded, "always."

he smiled, bringing you back down for another kiss, a kiss full of love and passion despite how hard he currently was slamming into you. you moaned into his mouth, pulling away to speak, "just like this, fuck, i'm so close,"

he nodded, "me too," he spoke softly, "come for me, baby."

it didn't take much longer until you were squeezing around him, thighs shaking overtop of him as you moaned. he followed pursuit, his hips stilling as he came undone, the both of you sitting there for a minute to catch your breath.

you laid on his chest, his hands playing with your hair softly. you smiled at him and he smiled back down at you, "i love you, you know."

"i know," you smiled, "i love you too."

he pressed a kiss to your forehead, "you hungry?"

"i could eat,"

"perfect," he said, tapping your hip, "let's get dressed."

after getting yourselves situated, you smiled as he placed his hand on your thigh, pulling out of the parking lot.

"you know," you bit back a laugh, "you should get jealous more often."

"i literally hate you." he sighed before laughing softly.

"you love me."

"i do."

#mail time #lando norris #lando norris x reader #ln4 x reader #ln4 #ln4 imagine #fluff #ln4 fluff #ln4 fic #ln4 smut #ln4 x reader smut #mclaren formula 1 #mclaren f1 #lando norris fanfic #lando norris imagine #lando norris x you #lando x reader #lando norris x reader smut #lando norris smut #lando norris fluff #lando norris smut imagine #lando norris fluff imagine

[peaches-and-creamm]

LOVE LANGUAGES!

a/n: thanks 🎥 nonnie for requesting sm! means a lot! hope i do ur requests justice 🙂‍↕️

also i read throu this once and saw how much i did acts of service/gift giving LOL

and nonnie if you're seeing this i'll most likely do the other request you asked for!

featuring: Megumi, Nanami, Toji, Yuta, Toge, Yuji, Satoru, Suguru

warnings: breeding kink in suguru's, fem!reader in suguru's and gn!reader everywhere else!

MEGUMI'S love language would be 🥁🥁

quality time with a sprinkle of words of affirmation!

✎ it's no secret Megumi prefers the idea of "together alone", aka just sitting in the same room each of you doing different tasks or even just scrolling on your phones. (you don't even have to be near each other, honestly-)

✎ one of his favorite activities to do with you is when it's later at night and you're sitting nearby him while he just rambles on about random facts he finds interesting.

✎ the fact you'll just sit there, smiling at him like an idiot while you hold him close to you as you listen to every word he says- even asking him questions about whatever it is he's talking about makes him feel all fuzzy.

✎ at this point you know every little thing that's going on in his book he sometimes likes to read outloud to you, saying his theories or random things that happen to contradict themselves in whatever it is he's reading currently.

✎ a lot of the time he'll awkwardly just clear his throat and apologize for rambling, but each and every time you compliment him by saying you love his voice as he speaks about anything he's passionate about he thinks he falls harder for you(if that was even possible-)

NANAMI'S love language would be🥁🥁

acts of service/gift giving!

✎ Kento really appreciates coming home from a long day and being surprised by the fact the kitchen was clean when he was supposed to be the one doing it- or the smell of something cooking in the kitchen flooding his nose the second he opens the front door just, he just. he really likes it, ok?

✎ He knows he isn't able to be there for you a lot of the time (missions, teaching, ect.) so if you ever come home and he's somehow there before you you best believe there's some sort of little trinket on the table waiting for you.

✎ He's not one for pda all that much but you bet your ENTIRE ass that if he sees you after a long day he doesn't care where you two are because he is about to just hide in your arms while you rub at his back.

✎ And god forbid if he ever returns home and sees how excited you get to show him some random trinket you saw in the store- handing it to him and claiming it reminded you of him. He's literally teared up before over this- (don't call him out though he'll deny it-)

✎ Has an ENTIRE shelf just dedicated to random shit that you've gotten him, and if anyone even looked at it wrong he'd almost get offended (once again, don't call him out-)

TOJI'S love language would be 🥁🥁

acts of service and gift giving! (home made gifts bc bro BROKE!)

✎ ok so we know the dude's kinda a jackass but he does NOT skip out on just randomly giving you just absolutely HIDEOUS homemade gifts.

✎ like? how does he even MAKE them so ugly ?? isn't he good with his hands....??

✎ anywayyy, he'd probably kill anyone(like, actually kill them-) if they ever tried insulting the fact you gave him an ugly stuffed animal that you said reminded you of him

✎ like "why does a grown ass man have a stuffed animal of an ugly monkey...?" then boom, they just got punched in the face

✎ do NOT interrupt this dude when it comes to anything you need. he may be pretty 'cold hearted' but he strikes me as the kinda guy to just stand in front of you if you even slightly squinted from the sun.

✎ he'd get a fucking plank of wood if there was a puddle so you don't ruin those new shoes you've been so excited to get.

✎ so tldr; he'd grovel for you for SURE- and if anyone questions if he loves you they're going home with a black eye 🥰

YUTA'S love language would be 🥁🥁

words of affirmation/physical touch!

✎ ok let's be completely honest here- the dude's just everything starved. So when the two of you started dating (with A LOT of long months of convincing Rika to not obliterate your entire bloodline-),

✎ he was basically just all over you- though it did take a while for him to actually realize it was OK to want to touch you, that you actually liked it, that you weren't just pretending to enjoy it to spare his feelings or something.

✎ as much as he loves going out on dates with you (he'd spend all the money in the world just to see how your eyes sparkle whenever he buys you a new dessert you've been wanting to try-)

✎ his ideal thing would just be the two of you- his head on your chest listening to your steady heartbeat as you caressed his hair- your nails scratching at his scalp every now and then.

✎ and there's been MANY times he's just started crying into your chest while you hold him- just because you remind him how much you love him, how proud of him you were- you would go on and on for hours if it's what he needed to hear.

TOGE'S love language would be 🥁🥁

words of affirmation!

✎ he just needs to know it's okay that he can't talk to you- that it's okay that at night when the two of you are alone holding each other close that it's enough that he's just there with you.

✎ toge loves whenever you compliment him- especially when it's about the marks on his face/tongue.

✎ the way you'll pull down the zipper of his uniform just to plant a kiss against each of his cheeks makes him melt.

✎ compliment him on literally everything please! he loves it so much and it means so much to him- like way more than you could imagine

✎ sometimes(ok, basically nightly-) he'll just be laying in bed, flushed face in his hands while he repeats the compliment you'd given him that particularly made him want to just get on one knee and propose on the spot

✎ I stg this guy is just a big baby- hold him and tell him it's ok and that's all he needs to make his day better tenfold.

YUJI'S love language would be 🥁🥁

physical touch!

✎ I feel like it's so obvious that if you spot him from the corner of your eye you better believe he's about to full sprint to you in excitement and squeeze the ever loving SHIT out of you

✎ he's a spinner for sure- picks you up, spins you around just to hear how you giggle before complaining about how he's making you dizzy

✎ there's rarely a moment where he doesn't just want to squeeze the hell out of your cheeks, and he just fuckn LOVES to squeeze both his and your cheeks together while he tightly hugs you.

✎ if you're in bed together his face is always buried in your shoulder, laying gentle kisses against your skin.

✎ if he isn't being gentle and loving with his kisses he just grabs you by your cheeks and just SMOTHERS your face with kisses.

✎ also he thinks it's really funny to steal some lipstick from either you or nobara just to run up to you and put a FAT kiss against your forehead- leaving a hard to get off mark lasting for hours

✎ he insists on using the waterproof ones because he thinks it's funny to see you walking around with a mark on your forehead because of him-

SATORU'S love language would be 🥁🥁

gift giving(as if that wasn't obvious enough- rich lil asshole)

✎ he does NOT care where you are, what you're doing- NADA

✎ he's runnin' up to you just to shove a shopping bag in your face and proudly putting his hands on his hips while he waits for you to open it.

✎ a few times you were too busy to open one of his gifts and he literally just opened it right in front of you and went "LOOK! LOOK, IT'S THAT BRACELET YOU WANTED- LOOKKK!" like a toddler trying to get his mom's attention.

✎ it always ends in a giggle and a "you need to stop buying these things, you're enough of a gift as is."

✎ he'll pretend to listen but at this point you know better than to believe he'll genuinely stop giving you random shit that reminded him of you.

✎ like what do you mean this ugly shirt that was WAYY too expensive that's also too big reminded him of you??

✎ what do you MEAN you had a mental breakdown because the shirt is a light color and you spilled wine on it and there was a stain that didn't want to come out-

✎ so tldr; DON'T LOOK AT SOMETHING IN THE WINDOW OF A SHOP. HE WILL BUY THE FUCKING STORE-

SUGURU'S love language would be 🥁🥁

words of affirmation/gift giving receiving-

✎ he's on his hands and knees for you- NOPE- don't care if he's supposed to be the leader of this wacky ass cult- you're the only person who's aloud to even remotely give him any sort of order to do somethin'

✎ he likes to give you gifts also, but barely to the extent of Satoru- he prefers handmade gifts over anything store bought. But that's just because he's used to everyone buying him whatever he wishes.

✎ so it's a really nice change of pace whenever you bring him a new origami animal you've been trying to master.

✎ he even has a little table by where he sits up on the little stage, your little art projects resting on them as "beautiful decorations done by my lover."

✎ ^ that's what he says anytime someone asks them about it. he'll happily ramble about how excited you were to gift him each one.

✎ he's addicted to praise, it's actually kinda crazy at this point-

✎ you made a breakfast a small child could've made? he's kissing the ground you walk on for blessing him with a meal in the morning-

✎ plus- if you ever do anything for the girls just know he's about to give you an amazing gift- that gift being his cock while he overly praises your motherly actions.

✎ maybe he'll make you an actual mother just to see how much your loving actions change..

M.LIST!

#female reader #x reader #gender neutral reader #jjk x reader #male reader #jjk x you #fem reader #megumi headcanons #megumi fushiguro #megumi x reader #jjk megumi #jujutsu megumi #jujutsu kaisen megumi #fushiguro #nanami kento #nanami x reader #jjk nanami #jujutsu nanami #jujutsu kaisen #megumi #jujustu kaisen #jjk toji #toji fushiguro #fushiguro toji x reader #toji fushigruo x reader #toji x reader #toji x you #fushiguro toji #toji zenin #jjk yuta

[kindaqueerngl]

pjo characters as weird and dumb things me and my friends have said

Percy: what the fuck is cockblocking like I can't block ur cock on Snapchat

-

Will: UUUUUUUGH MY ASS HURTS- ooh look a butterfly

-

Leo: I CANT FIND MY PRETTY STICKER- AW FUCK- SHIT- MY VAGINA- OOAOoOoOOooAHAHHAgh

-

Jason: I can't actually believe I just agreed with you but hey here we are

-

Reyna: why the fuck am I friends with any of you hoes

-

Piper: should I...? too late I did it

-

Will: the best way to rizz someone up is by rizzing them up *turns to friend, winks horribly* hey baby girl

-

Rachel: one sec getting my anger out *aggressively splatters paint on canvas*

-

Annabeth: sometimes I'm smart. When I'm smart, I'm smart. *awkward thumbs up and grimace*

-

Octavian: fuck the gays they should all die ... I mean I could fuck some gays

-

Hazel: I'll make you tea but not in a sweet way I'll make it so hot in burns your tongue and you can't speak for a week

-

Frank: hey guys check me out I'm a furry on drugs *WOOOF WOOF BARK BARK BARK WOOF WOOF*

-

Grover: I love plants :3 specifically magic mushrooms but like

-

Leo: I mean I would totally fuck you but like respect man

-

Will: Ugh fuck my life I hate everything *coldplay starts playing* I retract the previous statement I fucking love life

-

Jason: UGH UR ALL SO DUMB but I'm in

-

Nico: if u wanna kys clap ur hands *rapidly claps hands*

-

Piper: *hypnotizes u with my beautiful blue orbs* come over to my house

-

Hazel: respectfully hope you die <3

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Frank: I'm on acid what's it called when a ton of cats jump on each other a dog pile or a cat pile

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Reyna: OH THANK GOD- sike I don't believe in that motherfucker hahahha

-

Annabeth: I'm so smart *holds up the one good test I got in school* see the teacher even gave me an 11/10 because I wrote my name in a cool font

-

Leo: UUUUUGGGGGHHHH IM SO HORNY- *mom walks in* oh hi mom how are you

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Will: we can just... fuck. as friends though no homo.

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Rachel: IF I DON'T DRAW SOMETHING IN THE NEXT FEW MINUTES I AM GOING TO MAUL SOMEONE

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Octavian: you all suck and I hate you *silence* no wait come back

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Someone: haha ur gay

Nico: yeah??? and ur not?? like don't knock it until you try it dick is yummy man

-

Hazel: someone just told me what smearing is and honestly I kinda wanna die *fix you by coldplay starts playing* LMAO WTF

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Frank: you sad ass emo dog just be happy

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Percy: I Am OnE wiTh ThE oCeAn AnD HopEfuLLy aLL oF ThE hOt MerPeOpLe In iT

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Leo: *talking to literally nobody* hey guys!! gonna go get my top surgery! *shows up at claires*

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Reyna: I only wanna die sometimes and that's normal right

RIGHT

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Will: *playing guitar* haha look guys I'm fingering A minor *strums violently*

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Jason: screw men *eyes widen* I should start taking my own advice ngl

-

Will: *listening to a playlist that Nico made him* ugh my emo ass boyfriend and his stupid music I hate him *proceeds to write his name over and over again in diary with hearts around it*

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Nico: what if I strangle someone with a pair of earbuds

Will: please don't

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Leo: *in demonic voice* LeAf *eats it*

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Nico: *pulls gay flag out of pocket* omg it's u

Will: *shuffles around in pocket, finds condom* ... it's u, vanilla flavoured

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Leo: my name's Leo

Percy: and I like jugs

Nico: I'm mentally ill

Leo: and I'm on drugs :D

-

Jason: is there anything better than pussy

Piper: I thought you where gay

Jason:

Jason: my boyfriend's trans?

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Will: the temptation to fuck an emo boy rn is killing me

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Leo: the masculine urge to

Leo:

Leo: I forgor

-

Will: that's good!

Nico: like me in bed

*silence*

-

Leo: smash or pass Ryan Gosling

Nico: SMASH

Will: PASS

Solangelo: *glares at each other*

-

Nico: omg stop with that song

Will: but

Will: but you can take me hot to go :(

-

Annabeth: yeah

Percy: yeah

Annabeth: *in funny voice* yeah

Percy *hentai moan* yEEEAAAaaH

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Leo: *pointing at Nico* EEEEEEWWWW AN EMOOOOOO EWWW

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Jason: never ever look up what an eyesha erotica lyric means

Reyna:

Reyna: oh you poor soul *pats back*

-

Nico: I can't breathe

Will: just

Will: breathe air

Nico: I breathe drugs

-

Piper: I'm gonna go play basketball

Leo: haha play with my balls

Jason: already do

Leo: *chokes on air*

well that's all sorry for the torture, thanks to @localcosplaymushroom, @crowwolf8, @justagremlinoncaffeine, and @secret-mewtwo for all of the funny convos that went into this

#funny #meme #haha #lol #pjo #hoo #toa #tsats #rrverse #Nico di angelo #piper mclean #piper mcqueen #Leo valdez #Jason grace #reyna avila ramirez arellano #rachel elizabeth dare #grover underwood #Percy jackson #annabeth chase #frank zhang #hazel levesque #incorrect quotes #solangelo #percabeth #will x nico #Nico x will #Percy x annabeth #annabeth x percy #frank x hazel #hazel x frank

[fandomfluffandfuck]

A manswear blogger in twitter is talking about seat and bust adjustments in clothing. I can't stop but think about a stucky tailor shop au where Steve goes to get his trousers and jackets adjusted and getting all flustered. I mean Buck doesn't need even be the tailor. He can be a shop sitting friendly neighbour or smtn

spiritually, this ask feels connected to this gorgeous piece of fanart

and while we're here, on the topic, this art too 👀

Oh my god

Oh. my. god.

I can see this so well in my mind, and goddamn, this is such a good idea, too! We've all seen Steve Rogers--and Chris Evans by proxy--and we all fucking know he needs clothes to be custom fitted, so, of course, Bucky would have to step in. It's only fitting.

Every universe, they find each other and take care.

Why wouldn't tailor Bucky make sure Captain America Steve is well-fitted, thus, well taken care of?

I imagine that the whole situation would spring out of the teasing relationship that exists between Natasha and Steve. The first person to ask Steve if he knows how to dress himself is Nat--she asks if he wants some tips to blend in to the background, as she's become so adept to, yet allowing him to choose his own clothes rather than being chosen for him. She cracks a smile when suggesting he stay out of the sizes he used to wear or don't, that's pretty fitting for the modern century, too. Natasha will readily workout with Steve; the contrast in their focus while fighting makes it actually challenging, besides, it's refreshing, too, to have someone look at her and not underestimate her based on her size. It's during those workouts where Natasha suggests, teasing while blowing a sweaty tendril of hair out of her face noisily, multi-tasking as always, that they get matching sports bras. Before he's used to the comments, Steve sputters, but eventually, he laughs them off--he's still working on controlling his blush, though.

He doesn't... it's not, they're not... no.

He doesn't need a bra. It's not like it's uncomfortable. Natasha asks if he's sure it's not uncomfortable once, still grinning like a shark, pleased with their dynamic--her teasing and his batting back once he has his feet underneath himself--because she knows how tight clothes get. Then, Nat tugs at the collar of his clinging shirt, "I don't dress in clothes that tight unless it's for a special occasion."

"Oh, special?" Steve raises an eyebrow at her.

"Yeah," she responds, her mouth twisted, "like when I'm bagging targets."

"Lucky them," he huffs out a laugh.

She's already distracted by the opening their conversation has given her, still sparring, "mmm-hmm."

Commets and jests aside, Steve doesn't stop dressing himself in such tight clothes. Maybe Natasha's clothes or women's clothes generally are built differently, but Steve doesn't find it uncomfortable. Not within himself. Sometimes, he gets stares that drag on too long, sending a weird feeling through his tummy, maybe more than discomfort, but he rationalizes that it's sooner the onlookers recognition of Captain America walking the streets and less barely-restrained-attraction.

Still.

Steve's wordrobe full of tight clothes doesn't change, everything off-the-rack *tries very hard not to make a joke about Steve's rack* until Natasha corners him after another gala, doing her version of begging to just get some clothes that fucking fit.

Basically, she stares him down until he folds like a house of cards. Rolling his eyes but snatching the business card, she's pointing at him like a gun out of her hands and promising he'll make an appointment for himself.

If he doesn't appoint himself, Natasha will, and she'll go with him, and she will list off each and every painful detail in plain clarity to the tailor with Steve there, in the room, standing on that little pedestal under lights and in front of full mirrors, to blush up a storm...

The strain of his shirts across his shoulders, thinning the fabric to near transparency. The screaming of the seams of his underarms, suffering from his biceps. His boob gaps with those little diamonds of pale skin or undershirt showing through that just don't go away, he can't escape them, his chest is just too big. The atrocious extra, wrinkling, loose fabric of his shirts where they bunch up around his ballerina waist, never concealed no matter how desperately he tries to stuff the extra fabric into his jeans, belted tightly. His belts! He can't ever seem to find belts that don't have all this extra length to them, his waist with just the opposite problems to his shoulders, chest, and arms. The line of his lower body always seems to be a little cut off, his pants understandably too short when facing up to those mile long legs. His ass doesn't fit in his too short pants, nor do his thighs! That has to change.

He needs some change.

He looks fucking great, he does, Natasha is not challenged by other people's interest in Steve when matchmaking, she is challenged by Steve's interest in others and she... she would just like to see some confidence in her friend. The easiest, fastest way to feeling like a whole new human, she knows, is fashion.

So...

A tailor.

Steve is going to see a tailor.

One highly recommended and researched by Natasha. Apparently, according to his website (which Steve gets from his card), this tailor normally works with women and women's garments but isn't above making exceptions.

Steve doesn't want to be a bother, but... Nat assures him that he'll be fine. He's curvy enough, more than. This is all out of the goodness of her heart, after all. She just can't stand to see the pain his clothes are in! And if he won't be set up with a nice girl, boy, or whoever for an off-the-books encounter, then she damn will set him up with a professional. Not that kind. Not yet? Who's to say what she'll get Steve into...

Despite how having Natasha with him would help ease his anxieties (and hurt, just mildly hurt, because he would like to retain some of his dignity if possible, thank you very much, Nat, if she were here, he would stick his tongue out at her), Steve makes his appointment and attends it alone.

Alone with this fucking tailor.

This tailor that looks like he might as well have been made by a fucking sculptor. He makes art through fashion but, Jesus Christ, he is also art. When Steve first meets him--led to the back of a warm, pleasantly-cramped storefront by a welcoming, peppy assistent--he is struck dumb by the tailors beauty. He fumbles his words when reaching for a handshake. As it turns out, he doesn't need Natasha here to embarrass himself. Great!

This guy.

His face.

Pale gold skin with bone structure that will actually haunt Steve until he etches it onto paper. Eyes the most entrancing color--blue, grey, nearly silver. Lips pink and soft-looking, shadowed by a beard trimmed down to the prettiest stubble. The bridge of his nose looks like a statue smoothed by one of the ancient masters. And shiny, wavy hair styled into something that's half collected behind his head in a knot and half falling effortlessly over his shoulders. He looks every bit put together, his hair done, his face shimmering with what might be subtle makeup, but if it's not, then he's just the worst kind of perfect human being, his clothes immaculate, fitted ideally, accessorized beautifuly, and--

The way he talks. He's so confident and in his element, but so nice too. Sweet and caring.

The way he looks at Steve, like he's a person, like he's interesting, listening, but also calculating, already planning what he can do for him, how he can flatter him, how, how, how--

That's the fucking question.

How is this guy real?

He wants to hear what Steve has come in for, but based on how he nods along, he doesn't need Steve to say any of it. He already knows. He's that damn good.

After Steve's done, his unsure words stalling out in a stutter, Bucky jumps in immediately, rattling off tailor jargon for what he can do for him. Bust adjustments for the gaps in his buttoned shirts. Underarm adjustments to help his arms fit better in his shirts. Other seam stretching when it can be done to try and fit his arms more, too. Seat adjustments for all his pants from casual jeans to formal slacks. Waist suppression on all his shirts, suit jackets, and maybe even a few of his less formal jackets. Letting out hems on the pants that can be saved. Forming new, custom patterns for all of the above where the existing clothes Steve already has just can't be altered to the extent they're looking for.

And...

After they get to know each other, after Steve comes back again and again, bringing armfuls of clothes with him each time, plus slowly taking more clothes from Bucky's place of work, too, new custom clothes that fit impressively perfectly, Bucky notices something else that should be altered in Steve's wardrobe.

Steve becomes Bucky's most regular client. It seems like they don't go a week, at most, without seeing each other. So, it's natural that Bucky would begin to notice things about Steve. Habits. Bucky is a damn good tailor, and he's learned to pick up on body language to know when a client is having issues that they might not even be aware of. Steve has a habit of--when he thinks no one is looking as he sits waiting for Bucky to be ready for him--of adjusting himself. Sure, whatever, your dick and balls get bunched up in your underwear and pants sometimes. It's normal. It happens. And you gotta do what you gotta do when your dick isn't happy. Normally, Bucky wouldn't think twice about it. But...

Steve does it a lot.

Now, Bucky has a very good spatial memory. A memory that's aided by plenty of opportunities to be close to Steve's body with a fair number of those opportunities being at Steve's feet. Measuring the inseams of his pants, shorts, or what have you, hemming or unhemming his pants, finding the circumference of his muscular thighs, adjusting the fit of the seat of his pants, all very professional. Steve likes to talk, though, so a lot of the time Bucky is down there, and he's looking up at Steve and...

He's just a man.

Just a weak man with the most attractive man he's ever fucking seen in his whole life on his step riser, calling his eyes up, past the crotch of his pants... sometimes he looks. He tries not to. But. He has. He does.

And when he connects how often he catches Steve adjusting himself to how much time he's spent forming a spacial awareness of Steve's body, Bucky knows what adjustment needs to be made to his clothes that they have yet to tackle. Steve, sweet guy, must be too shy to bring it forward. It's perhaps similar to saying, hey, none of my pants fit because my ass is superhuman-ly pert and round and you could bounce quarters off of it, but at the same time, it is much more... intimate... to say, hey, my dick doesn't fit in my pants, either. Could we do something about that, maybe?

Bucky shivers, trying not to think about why and failing miserably... is it too long? Too thick? Both? God, his balls probably don't help, do they? Bucky might be weak at the knees, thinking of his whole package, but especially heavy, heavy balls, fuck, what he wouldn't give to get on his knees and rub his face against them, all that musky vitality, such a big boy, and--

Bucky is so unprofessional.

Jesus Christ.

What is wrong with him?

Steve just needs a gusset! He's done that a million times without fantasizing about his clients' bodies. It's just different now. Why now?! Bucky knows why...

Ughhh.

It's fucking different because Steve is so nice, so shy yet, so witty and sassy when he wants to be, he smells so good, and his hands are delightfully warm when Bucky accidentally missteps and almost falls, but no matter, Steve's lightning fast reflexes will always be there to catch him. It's different because Bucky has a big, fat crush on the one, the only Captain America back from the dead, who's bursting out of all his clothes with his stupid, perfect sculpted body, always obscene no matter what Bucky puts him in, loose or tight clothing. Always genuine, no matter what Bucky throws at him, even if he does get a little embarrassed.

Guh.

Bucky is so fucked.

Steve is so fucked, too, matching Bucky's idioticness. Steve's head is so full of Bucky that he can't think of anything else. Anyone else. He scrounges up every piece of stupid clothing he has to be altered, just as an excuse to be around Bucky. He sweats through his shirts, peering down at Bucky from his place on that little step-stool, riser-thing, whatever fancy name Bucky had for it, and tries not to think about the position out of context. And, worst of all, he has to fight for his life to block out the sense memory of Bucky's hands on his body through his clothes when he's alone and drifting. He can't think about his tailor when he's jerking off, he just can't! That's so bad!

Steve is so fucked.

...if only they could figure out some other way of being fucked. Together.

#asks #fandomfluffandfuck #au #stucky #steve rogers #bucky barnes #shrunkyclunks

[milogreer]

-> redacted audio headcanons ! ↳ blake & bestie edition

my obsession is obsessing so here i am with headcanons !! this is my first real hc post so be nice to me (/j). bestie is gender neutral but they're still more into oc territory than strictly canon so keep that in mind! i'll probably add to this post as i think of new ones 🖤

-> they both have multiple piercings and tattoos; blake has more tattoos, but bestie has more piercings. ↳ some of his include a snake on his right forearm, his sword symbol on his neck/collarbone area (potentially one that looks like it's piercing the skin but idk), and barbed wire just under his knuckles. his ears are pierced and so is his nose. perhaps also his tongue. ↳ some of bestie's tattoos include a crescent moon + stars on one of their fingers, a broken heart next to their eye, and various witchcraft symbols. they have two piercings in each ear, one on both sides of their nose, a belly button piercing, and a septum piercing that is secretly a clip on. ↳ they also have a "matching" tattoo with blake that they got when they were 18; they got them out of a roulette machine! blake got an open eye and bestie got a switchblade :)

-> bestie's a huge music fan and has like a thousand burned CD playlists to fit any mood or scenario they can think of. they don't get into anyone's car without a CD case that holds at least a hundred of them. they have all their playlists on spotify too, but they prefer physical media. ↳ one of their road trip CDs is titled "blake and bestie's infinite playlist" as a reference to the movie nick and norah's infinite playlist.

-> bestie is very physically affectionate with their friends, from holding hands to kissing cheeks and foreheads. obviously, this doesn't sit well with blake's possessiveness; he'll put an arm around their shoulder when in group situations to ward people off. bestie doesn't realize exactly why he's doing this, they just think he's reciprocating the way they show affection.

-> blake stares. intensely. usually at bestie, regardless of what they're doing, but he's generally more of a people watcher than an active member of conversation. dude had very little charm in high school; bestie was the real social butterfly. ↳ he gives bestie scary dog privileges with the staring. whenever anyone asks bestie why he's staring like that, especially at them, they just wave them off dismissively and say, "oh, that's just blake." ↳ his eye contact during convos with bestie is unparalleled, to the point that sometimes even bestie is like, "why do you look like you want to eat me?? i know i look like a snack, but come on-"

-> blake is a radiohead fan. he listens to "creep" whenever he's on the outs with bestie (whether he actually is or if he just thinks he is).

-> bestie's parents love blake, but their younger sister does not. she thinks blake has "bad energy," but bestie never listens to anything she has to say.

-> bestie and cutie are part of the same friend group! they're closer than most of the others (bestie loves a red flag 👍🏼) and likely get together to have gossip sessions over lunch or go to the mall. maybe not Best Friends, but definitely good ones.

-> bestie has had insomnia since junior year of high school. their parents say it started from stress (they're a whiz so they take multiple AP classes), but personally i think blake had something to do with it... ↳ present day, i have a vague idea that their insomnia is partially influenced by blake constantly fucking with their future, but i haven't thought too deeply about it (yet).

-> they can both be judgy bitches, tucking themselves off into a corner at a party to people watch. bestie's a little two-faced in that regard because they can be super friendly one minute and then turn around and be catty behind someone's back the next.

-> reality show enjoyers 🫵🏻 i’m talking the bachelor, love island, jersey shore, real housewives, anything with DRAMA. they’ll binge old seasons during sleepovers and facetime for weekly releases.

#redacted audio #redacted asmr #redactedverse #redacted blake #redacted bestie #redacted headcanons #sweetheart.txt #blake #bestie #hcs

[inkyray]

BLIND DATE (c.s & m.s)

summary: as an influencer, you are invited to one thing gen z content creators do once they go viral; they go on a dating show! yikes, you think. but what happens when you go on a date with two triplet brothers, and end up taking a genuine liking to both of them, unsure of who to pick at the end?

warnings/content ahead: you literally have a huge yap session with the two of them, just a bunch of talking, influencer!reader, NO SMUT I JUST THOUGHT THE MEME WAS FUNNY and fit perfectly between these two images like buttcheeks, inspired by this dudes channel ngl: https://www.youtube.com/@DavidAlvareeezy/videos

Chris's version, part 1

You couldn't believe you agreed to do this.

The lights blared from every direction of the studio and the large paper backdrop was whiter than snow. You watched as multiple people fixed the boom microphone from above you, asking you to quickly speak for a test. "I don't know what you want me to say." You chuckle nervously, waiting for someone to give you an idea on what to speak about. "Perfect!" The person behind the camera suddenly announces, and they go back to fixing the position of the multiple cameras set up. "Oh, okay." Looks like that was all the test that they needed.

No, you weren't filming a porno.

Being an influencer, you were invited by other influencers for a video, being one of many girls invited.  All you were aware of was that this was a blind date, and you were one of a few girls–and guys–as you've heard, selected to go in the video. You were reached out by the management team behind the influencers, not really knowing who this date will be with until the cameras are rolling. You weren't famous, but you were recognized. You had a charm behind you and humor that kept you going, along with beauty that was certainly there, and that's what you were told.

"Okay, get comfortable sweetheart, we're about to start." The so-called director calls out, you straighten your back and close your phone. You were told to dress as if you were going out to an A-list restaurant for the fanciest of the rich. And that's what you attempted to do. You felt silly being the only one in the room dressed in such a way, and you secretly hoped whoever came out wore a suit or something, but at the same time, you knew you looked the best in the room, and that gave you all the confidence you needed.

A candle was lit in front of you, and the man behind the camera allowed himself to quickly explain to you what will happen once more, although you didn't need him to.

"So, you will go on a date with 2 different men for about 30 minutes each. When your date with them is done you will immediately be followed up by the second, who would have previously been in the other room with their date. In the end, you have to choose one of the guys, and one of the guys will have to choose between the girls." The man had a habit of explaining stuff with his hands, you looked away from them before you formed a headache.

"If the two of you miraculously choose the other, you get to have a real reserved date to one of the biggest restaurants of LA, that will be fully paid by us. If no one matches with the other, you won't get anything but a thanks for being in the video."

You give him an assuring nod and even a smile, hoping that it would be enough for him not to explain it again. "I understand, thank you."

"Filming on 3.. 2.. 1.. Action!"

This all seemed too serious for its own good. You force your gaze on the roses in front of you before a short man in a baseball cap enters just a little beside you on camera.

"I'm sure you can all recognize the beautiful woman in front of you." The owner of the channel you were filming for starts, and you immediately grin. He calls your name and you look up, facing the camera with a wave. "Why don't you introduce yourself?" He suggests, and that's what you do. Giving them your name and basic surface level information about you.

"—and yeah. I'm so excited to try the fucking food they have in that other room, you have no idea how good it smells in here."

"You can't swear."

"My bad."

He sighs. "There you have it, ladies and gents!" He chuckles, a little amused. He carries on the intro a little longer, explaining to the audience this time before promoting his Patreon.

After a few long and boring minutes for you, he goes back to the real topic at hand. "Now, " He turns to look at you. "Are you ready to see who's about to come out?" Suspenseful music begins to play from nearby speakers and the lights begin to dim, you take no interest in hiding your surprise and laughter. "Is that a threat?" You wonder out loud.

"And she's ready!" He decides for himself, pointing toward an opening curtain off screen, to which they shift the cameras to face it. This was only a video for YouTube, yet the production was so high and these videos passed by the millions in views, you can't help but hold your breath as the curtains begin to open.

Oh God, what did you sign up for?

The curtains open to reveal— oh. Oh. He's quite pretty.

Maybe this was a good idea.

The boy turns the false direction, expecting you to be there. "Oh, Chris, bud, wrong way." The owner of the channel shuffles, helping the boy in front of you to actually face you. "There we go," Chris mutters to himself, fixing the sagging black pants of a suit that clearly does not fit him. You were growing a liking to this already, but you found confusion to what you were supposed to do.

You turn to face a different camera angle, "Should I.. get up and greet him?" you quite literally ask the woman behind that camera. She offers you nothing but a shrug in return. "Thanks." You whisper in appreciation, taking her answer as a yes as you get up to greet him.

"Hello." You smile, reaching a hand out as you watch his gaze rise up from your shoes all the way to your pretty face. "Hi." He processes the fact that you had decided to greet him so up close. You recognise him as that viral triplet you see everywhere, and you could only guess that the second date would be his with brother. Chris awkwardly takes your hand in his, not really sure if he should shake it or pull you into a hug or what. You also get confused, dapping him up. With a worried look.

You didn't really know how to get embarrassed, truly. If anything you would feel silly, but even then you weren't really embarrassed. It's honestly, whether you realize it or not, a blessing. Because as long as you're not embarrassed, then the people around you won't find it as is. Instead, they'd find it humorous and laugh, like now. Even Chris laughs at the randomness of the greeting.

"Oh, this is awesome." The channel owner mutters to himself, already tasting how many good clips he'll get out of you from this video. He could already imagine shortened clips trending on social media of the two of you. "How you feeling, Chris?" He shifted his attention to him, he was fairly shorter than Chris, needing to crank his head up the slightest bit.

Chris blows in a breath, his chest rising, calculating his answer. "Feeling so ready to uh—" he looks around, unsure of his very limited vocabulary. "–fall in love?" You grin, knowing he was definitely looking for a word other than that. "That's the word?" You raise an eyebrow, Chris shrugs in response, giving you a look that says he had no idea. The studio team collectively laughed.

"Well, how about you two seat yourselves on that table?" The guy suggests and you see Chris dart his gaze to the table covered in linen tablecloth, roses, and 2 lit candles.

Quickly, you make yourself over there but the sound of fast stomping makes you stop in your tracks. Chris sprints past you and to the seat by your phone, he stops in his tracks in front of you and struts the chair out for you, a crooked smile playing on his pink lips. "I didn't know I would be going on a date with a gentleman?" You joke, playing along as you seat yourself on the chair, he scooches you in.

"Oh please, it's my pleasure." He then proceeds to face the camera and give an orotund deep laugh, mocking the chuckle of how the elite upper class man of the northside would laugh. "Ha, ha ha." He makes his way to sit himself on his own chair. You're genuinely amused at this, "And your pince-nez glasses, good sir?" You say as if reminding him, his smile slowly falters as he looks around.

"What are those?" Chris looks at you, and you realize his eyes are blue laced with utter confusion. "Pince-nez glasses? Aren't those like– the tiny eyeglasses made for like one eye?" You begin to furrow your eyebrows, questioning yourself. He mimics your expression, realizing that you both had no idea, and that he needed an answer to what those were immediately.

"Those are not what those are."  The channel owner scoffs, you roll your eyes as you and Chris turn to face him in sync. "Shut up, David." You say and Chris nods along, "Yeah," He looks at you as if looking for permission, then back at the guy who started this whole thing, who seemed to be glaring at him. Chris had his mouth open to say something, but the look on the guy's face has his mouth shut up again like a fish underwater.

"Yeah, that's what I thought." He was standing behind the camera now. You could have sworn you were back in middle school. But then again, you were in LA. Chris's head snaps to his direction, "Ay! Watch ya mouth!" He points a finger at him and you notice an accent lacing his tongue for a split second.

"Ask each other the fucking questions! We don't got all day!" David replied, you widen your eyes. "You can't swear, dude!" You reply, clearly mocking him.

"It's my channel!"

Now, after a few moments that entertained the staff but would most certainly be cut out from the video, you turn to face Chris who was already smiling at you. "I'm being held against my will to ask you a question before the real shit starts." You let him know. He nods once, "I think I got that, care to ask it?" He raises an eyebrow. 

"Yeah, I noticed the smallest slip of an accent." You start off and you watch his face morph into realization with a small chuckle. "You're from the east coast?" You form the question as an assumption. "Yeah, I am. Surprised you noticed that fast." He responds. You wear a proud look, feeling satisfied with yourself. "What can I say." You shrug looking at the camera.

"Can you tell where, exactly?" Chris decides to challenge you and you accept it, taking a moment to replay his previous sentence in your mind again. He visibly watched you replay it, taking the moment to fully digest your appearance. He's seen you online before, many times, actually. You were pretty then, but his pants would certainly be on fire if he said you weren't even prettier in real life.

"Boston?" You finally ask, his mouth goes agape as he looks toward the staff. "Am I right?" You chuckle lightly. "Yeah," He says, "You are." He turns to you, grinning.

That only fueled your ego, it was practically visible on your face. "Now ask me," You sit up straight, ready for a question. You liked being asked stuff and answering them, it was your whole schtick. People would ask you questions, and you'd answer with a response that didn't even fully answer the question, leaving people still curious to know about you. You managed to hover around questions but still giving some sort of response like your life depended on it. You didn't know why you did it, instincts, probably.

"Why'd you agree to do this?" He asks like he couldn't believe a girl like you would consent to do a thing like this. You pop a shoulder, "I was high and they did mention steak was involved for free, so I was like 'why not?'" Also because you had had little to no romance in your life, so why not feed it artificially? But you wouldn't tell him that.

"Seriously? You agreed because of the free food?" He didn't seem like he bought it, slightly squinting at you. "And you agreed because you wanted to fall in love?" You silenced him, and he seemed to just shake his head for a moment.

"Nah, you're right."

"All right! The food is coming in!" A voice called from behind and the two of you turned to see fully dressed waiters in tuxedos walk in with a tray of food. You get excited, peaking at the food that finally reaches to your level, making eye contact with Kraft Mac & Cheese and some chicken nuggets, one particular nugget was stabbed with a white plastic spork.

"Oh, you're joking." You looked up, seeing Chris process the meal that was put in front of them.

"I have no clue where you guys got steak from!" David yells from the camera. "You literally said it in the message." Chris says, trying to understand whether he was being gaslighted or not.

"I added 'no promises'!" 

"Oh shit, he did say no promises." You recall, looking back up at Chris.

You gesture to his plate. "You try it first." He gives you a worried look, "What if they didn't fully heat the nuggets?" He looks genuinely fearful, you feel repulsed at the suggestion. There's no way you'd eat cold chicken nuggets on a date.

"I can guarantee the nuggets are fully heated!"

"Shut up, David." The two of you say simultaneously. Chris turns back to you, going to reach for the nuggets with his two fingers, before you interrupt. "This is a fancy date." You remind him in a whisper, as if you were a separate person helping him out throughout this. "Oh, right." He says, hesitantly picking up his plastic spork and stabbing through the nugget. 

Now this feels stressful. You watched him slowly bring the nugget up to his mouth, holding your breath as you imagined the temperature when it reached his tongue. His mouth was stiff for a moment before fully chewing on the nugget. "Fully heated?" You ask, the set decided to play suspenseful music again. God, this was so corny. Chris began lifting his eyebrows in an arch as he fully chewed the nugget, swallowing it down with a glass of iced water they had brought in. It was originally supposed to be wine, but they quickly found out he doesn't drink.

"Fully heated." He confirms, closing his eyes in thanks and you let out a breath, immediately going to reach for your nuggets with your hand. You chewed the first bite of your nugget as Chris gave you a look. "What? Utensils are needed for you because you're a man."

He wore an exasperated look and you only chuckled. "Are you guys hearing her?" Chris scoffs. You make an annoyed face, quickly noticing just how dry this chicken was. "We got any sauce in here?" You stare at the nugget in hand like it'll suddenly poof with sauce. 

"Nah."

"Okay." You nod. "Great."

"Chris, if this was a real date, where would you have taken her?" The question was asked from behind the camera, and you raise an eyebrow, turning to look at Chris as you're curious to hear his answer. Chris looks up from his plate of mac & cheese and settles his blue eyes on you, calculating his answer. You watched him visibly think it through, and for some reason you felt yourself grow nervous. So much he could possibly say, all with the very little information given to him about you.

"Probably a Hooters."

-

"You want me to feed him?"

"I think I'm perfectly capable of feeding myself," Chris laughs. "This food isn't even that good." He quickly adds, you nod. "Listen to him."

"Just do it, for the video. Matt is doing the same thing in the other room right now." Chris visibly winces at the suggestion, there is no way his brother is agreeing to let some girl feed him. He can't even imagine it in another universe. "You're full of shit, Matt would never."

David sighs, "You're right. Just fuckin' do it. If your brother won't, you gotta."

"This was not a part of the consent form I signed."

You turn to look at Chris. "We'll get it over with, here," You begin scooping up some leftover mac & cheese with your spork. A while had past of you and Chris submitting to what the studio staff was telling you, forcing you to answer questions. They were all surface level romantic questions, but borderline uncomfortable. It was kind of hilarious. Now, you were doing truth or dare cards that the set had put together.

"You're willing?" Chris was in shock, "It's just a fucking spoon to your mouth." You stand up, leaning over the table as you hold a hand under the spork so nothing would drop. "Open." You tell him as you stood and he remained seated. He looked up at you, "The things I do for YouTube, man." He sighs before opening his mouth for you, you shove a quick spoon in his mouth.

"See, wasn't that so easy?"

"Go check on how Matt or Nick are doing right now or something." Chris rolls his eyes as he chews his food, you follow up with what Chris said by flipping the guy off. They were so keeping that whole thing in.

A few minutes go by, and you begin to learn more about Chris. Your humor seemed to align with his perfectly. Honestly, it felt like you were talking to a best friend. He was beyond intrigued by you, and his facial expressions seemed to make it known. The entire time, you wondered how the next date would follow up with this.

"Time's up!" It was announced, they were now getting ready to bring in the second date who you would have dessert with. You gave Chris a quick hug goodbye as he moved on to the next girl, and you waited for the next boy.

-taglist-

@pepsiboyy @jetaimevous @luvr4miya @christopherscamopants @imwetforyourmom @mattssluttywaist @sturnsxplr-25 @flosslikeabosss @meg-sturniolo @stasiesturn @realuvrrr @always-reading @lovergirl4387 @sleepysturnss @milesfordays11 @nonat-111 @liagazed @freshloveforthefit @blueeyedbesson @h3arts4harry @hypnotizedsturn @sturnthepot @mattspolitank @fratbrochrisgf @soulzaaa @matthewscherrypie @mattslolita @happy-bluffs80240 @dwntwn-strnlo

[frociaggine]

do you have any tips/resources for a beginner who wants to get into weightlifting?

thank you for asking!! I love this question. I love lifting! It's Good For You (helps increase bone density & metabolic rate, and it's good for injury prevention and developing functional strength). It's also a really great confidence boost. 10/10 would rec lifting to every single person reading this — if it's an option for you, give it a try.

TLDR: familarise yourself with common exercises. pick a beginner program. follow it. profit!

A more involved answer, with resources and details, is under the cut

familiarise yourself with common exercises

There are hundreds of possible exercises out there to target each specific body part. However, most of those are what's called "accessory" movements, as opposed to "basic" exercises that will pop up over and over in most lifting routines. Ideally, you want to know how to perform these movements, using light weights or just your bodyweight until you feel comfortable with it.

CORE BRACING (ft deadbugs. genuinely lifechanging skill!)

Squats.

Hip hinge. This is useful for deadlifts, romanian deadlifts, kettlebell swings & similar movements

Push movements (for example: dumbell chest press, shoulder press etc)

Pull movements (dumbell rows & many others)

That said. Please don't stress too much over "good form". Each exercise has infinite variations and especially as a beginner, you won't be lifting heavy enough weights to make form optimisation a big concern. All bodies are different and our individual stances vary a lot depending on body proportions, flexibility levels etc. You just want to know HOW an exercise is supposed to be performed, in terms of: which muscles it activates? what am I supposed to get out of it? how to do it safely? Your bodyweight squat doesn't have to be flawless, it just has to be good enough.

BTW, you know when I said that there are hundreds of possible exercises out there? Here is a very detailed masterlist + exercise guide for exercises impacting each muscle group.

learn your way around a weight room, if you aren't familiar with it already.

Broadly speaking: the free weights (bar, dumbells, kettlebells) are good for compound exercises that involve multiple muscle groups. The various machines are ideal for "isolation" exercises that target fewer specific muscle groups.

If you already know what's what, then skip this bit! But I've talked to many people who feel a bit intimidated by the weight room because they feel out of place in it, and in my experience familiarising yourself with the general layout is a good way to take away that discomfort.

And, in case this is something you need to hear: you deserve to be there, you're not taking space, and most gymgoers just want to finish their workout and shower, and won't pay specific negative attention to you. Most gyms have a weight room manager or floor trainer, at least during some shifts, and they WILL be happy to help you. If you're someone who doesn't want to be bothered while exercising, just preventively introduce yourself, say you're new

pick a program

I highkey recommend following a pre-made program instead of just fucking about on your own. Here's why

programs are well-balanced in terms of volume and muscle groups, to ensure you don't overtrain one body part and leave other lagging

they have a built-in "progression scheme" that will allow you to move to a higher weight in an optimal way — basically, you'll see strength advantages sooner

they help navigate information overload. There is SO much information about fitness out there that acts as an entry barrier. Following a pre-made program really helps with that.

If you have a gym membership, you may have the option of one "free workout program" made by a trainer who works at the gym. If that's in the cards, I'd recommend going with that.

Otherwise, I strongly recommend the "programs rec guide" over at r/xxfitness, the female fitness subreddit (the name is 15 years old but it's a queer friendly, trans inclusive space). I haven't personally done any of those, but Meg Gallagher of Before the Barbell is very solid, and that's the one I'd suggest.

get ready for DOMS

Also known as delayed onset muscle soreness. It happens 1) when you go to the gym after a while or start exercising for the first time 2) when you train a different muscle group than usual 3) when you up the intensity of a workout.

Basically, you wake up in the morning and you go OUCH!! ACHEY. That's DOMS. It happens because your muscle fibres are suffering microtears and reknitting (stronker!!) and you will feel very stiff and possibly very swollen (muscles retain water).

It'll take a few days for it to go away. IT IS SAFE TO EXERCISE THROUGH DOMS; the only thing limiting you is if you're too achy to move effectively. I recommend eating something protein heavy (more on that below) and doing some gentle exercise to make it go away faster (walking, at home-stretches or yoga, swimming if it's an option, etc.)

You DON'T want to stay in bed the whole time, because that'll only make you more stiff and make it last longer. Note that "post exercise achiness" is something that WILL go away after the first couple of weeks or so, depending on your recovery (again, gentle exercise and/or going to the gym again when you're still a bit achey is actually preferred than being completely at rest until they're fully gone away). Long term, you're NOT supposed to feel high-level soreness after working out. "No pain no gain" is mostly bullshit.

evaluate your program!

I'm always saying this, but the best exercise is the one you actually stick with. If your exercise plan is dull or fills you with dread, it doesn't matter how good for you it supposedly is — ditch it. Give yourself a few weeks of whatever program you pick, then re-evaluate: what are your favourite exercises you've done so far? Which ones you don't like? What would you like to do? Programs can and should be modified according to your preferences, and it's a lot easier to customise something that works for YOU once you're a bit more familiar with everything. For example, maybe someone at your gym is doing kettlebell swings and you think it's cool and you'd rather do those instead of crunches for your abs. Why not. Just note down what's working and what isn't, and then re-evaluate (with gym trainers if that's an option, but also, I mean it, HMU whenever).

odds and ends!!

None of these things are a big deal, but they make your life easier:

Hydrate during a workout. If you're hydrated your body works better. You'll also probably sweat during your workout. Getting through 1L of water during a 1 hour / 1 hour and a half gym session is perfectly normal.

Warm up before lifting. Something like this for a general body warmup + lighter warm-up series before going up to the weight you actually want to lift. For example: if you're squatting the bar (20kg) I'd do one bodyweight squats series, and another series holding a 10kg kettlebell or dumbell. Cool down or stretch after!

Mobility work on a day off is a good idea, even if you're no longer suffering through soreness. This is my current go-to routine, I do it about 2x week.

If possible, eat protein the evening / day after a workout. Protein is great for building muscle, and you WILL see a noticeable difference in energy level and speed of recovery by upping your protein intake. Basically: if you usually eat lentils or fish twice a week, try to make one of those times your post-gym dinner.

(In general, as a beginner you WILL see results regardless, and you don't need to optimise nutrition or anything (not to mention, it can be overwhelming / complicated to deal with.) But if you're interested in the specifics of nutrition & exercise, HMU)

keep track of your workouts! I really recommend this; it can be very inspiring to have a backlog you can look at when you want to track your progress, and you want to establish a benchmark with yourself. It can be as simple as writing down gym days & numbers in your journal if you have one; personally I use the Strong app to save my routines, and every week when I log in new workouts I modify the values depending on what weight and # of reps I hit that week. For reference, this is what a week looks like on the Strong app for me

IF I'VE MISSED ANYTHING SHOOT ME AN ASK.

#Anonymous #ask #jockposting #weight lifting #fitblr

[atlasmoonglade]

Joost Klein x OC!single mom

Chapter 1

Warnings: divorce mentioned, smut in later chapters.

This is just for fun, don't take too seriously.

Chapter 2

I scroll through Joost's Instagram realising I don't actually know anything about him.

A DM from the man I am currently stalking pops up at the top of my screen.

Hi

So, a singer, huh?

Surprised?

Honestly yes. Thought you would be a builder with such a strong back.

Still can't believe I almost knocked someone out just by standing.

Well, I did most of the work.

Joost Klein sent a post by ria3.jpg

ria3.jpg endless walks

Where was this taken? he asks.

I was visiting a friend and we would go on these long walks to catch up on everything.

He types, but then stops. Types and stops again.

Come for a run with me tomorrow morning?

Oh.

Define morning..

Like 8am? It will be more of a light jog, just something to start a day with a clear head.

I have to be back by noon.

Deal. Meet me next to the same coffee shop tomorrow 8am.

I put on my comfortable sneakers preparing for "a run" and head out. I am excited to see Joost again. Yesterday we spent a few hours sending each other's posts asking questions, sharing stories. I was complimenting his every outfit. It's been a while since I met a new friend, I don't usually have a lot of free time to maintain a new relationship.

Elliot is coming back today from staying at Nicholas' place. I thought I would have a relaxing time, which turned out to be a complete opposite. I miss Elliot too much and can't think of what to do with myself without him. Can't wait to hear about all the fun things he was up to, for his young age he is an incredible storyteller.

"There you are." a voice which already became familiar calls out. Joost is wearing a hat, black red hot chili peppers t-shirt and a pair of shorts. I can't fail to notice how much I like the shirt clinging to his body.

"Nice to see you early bird. So, where are we heading?" I block the sun shining in my eyes with my hand.

"I've been running every day since I arrived here, I already know a few good routes. Let's go." He waves a hand motioning for me to follow.

He leads, I follow.

"What thoughts are we running from?" I ask keeping up with him.

The corners of his mouth turn up into a slight smile. "It changes from day to day, just general anxiety I guess." He turns to look at me. "Do you not feel that way?"

"I do." I confess. "My way of coping is less active though - I journal." It is so easy to share things with him. It feels like he truly cares.

We continue running talking about what we did last week, he shares that he is here to write a song. We talk about music and his career, while pointing out various beautiful views. He stops a few times to snap photos.

"Stay like this. Looks really good." he points his phone at me. "You can capture this one endless runs." I laugh and he takes a photo. He puts his phone back in the pocket.

"Did it turn out good?" I ask.

"There is no way it didn't." He looks at me squinting from the bright sun.

"Because you are such a talented photographer?"

"Sure. Because of that." he smirks and continues walking.

"What are your plans for today? You said you have to be back by noon." he asks as I catch up to walk by his side, our arms slightly touching. I pull back.

"I have to get back home, my son is coming back from staying with his dad for the weekend." I say.

"How old is he? Your son."

"Recently turned 6."

He turns to look at me and smiles, continues walking forward.

"What?" I ask.

"Still can't believe you are someone's mom."

"Why? How do you imagine a mom?"

"I don't know." he looks forward. Silent for a moment. "Are you one of those milfs everyone keeps talking about?"

I push at his arm immediately getting an ick at what he said. "What the fuck dude" He bursts out laughing. I laugh too.

"Can't believe you just said that. What is wrong with you." I push him again, his arm feels tense under my touch.

He fixes his hat, turning to look straight ahead. "Sorry, it just slipped out." He smirks. I shake my head and laugh.

We continue our run.

"Thank you for agreeing to join me." Joost says as we come back to where we started.

"You are welcome. I had more fun than I expected." I say taking out a bottle of water.

"It was actually the first time I invited someone. I usually prefer to spend the morning alone." he says smoothing out the hem of his t-shirt.

"Oh." I look up at him. "An honor to be your first companion." I smile at him.

"Yeah so, head is cleared. I need to take a shower and head back to the studio." He takes off his hat to run a hand through his hair. It looks incredibly soft. I catch myself imagining how it would feel to touch.

I shake my head. The run did the opposite of clearing my head.

"When can I see you next?" he asks.

"I am not sure yet. I'm gonna be spending some time with Elliot."

"Sure." he smiles and pauses. "I have a concert coming up later this week. I can get you tickets, if you will find time for it."

"I will let you know." I return his smile.

"Hope you do." he stretches out his hand for me to shake like last time. I take it. His hand is firm to the touch and so pleasingly warm. After a moment we pull apart and go our separate ways.

I spent the last couple of days with Elliot. We played video games, went to the park for a picnic eating ice cream and laughing at each other's remarks about the movie we watched earlier. He truly is my best friend. I am so happy he turned out the way he did. I was worried me and Nicholas separating would affect him negatively, which I do notice some signs of, but me and Nicholas keep it friendly and keep him out of our differences.

As I get into my bed, I realise it has been radio silent between me and Joost after our run. To be honest he has been the first one to start the conversation the last time, I need to put it the effort too.

How have you been? I type.

No...too formal. I delete it.

Hi.

No, that's boring.

Any progress in the studio?

I hit send. No need to overthink it.

As I wait for the reply, I decide to check out his music. I put on my earphones and turn on the first song on Spotify.

My phone chimes as I listen to the songs and read the lyrics.

Joost Klein

Actually yes. We finally recorded the chorus.

Joost Klein

What is new with you?

I open the DMs.

Glad to hear that!! ❤️

Just living my milf life, you know how it is.

LMAO

I'm actually pleasantly surprised to hear from you. Started to think I scared you away last time.

You would have to do a lot more to scare me.

Oh yeah?

I was just listening to your songs. I have to say I really like them. I was bopping my head along.

Some really serious topics hidden behind fun melodies. Feels strange to say I am getting to know you through your songs.

You could hear them live, you know? My offer still stands. It's on Friday.

I pause to think about it. Elliot will be with his dad again, I could go technically. Do I go alone?

Ok. One ticket please. How much do I owe you? I send.

He read the message, but is taking his time to reply. I look at the typing bubbles appear and disappear.

Don't be silly, I already said I will get it for you. Tickets are now secured.

Good Night, Ria. Talk to you tomorrow.

Good night, Joost.

Next chapter will be a long one!

#joost klein #my writing

[ponyosmom35]

sisters

Simon Ghost Riley x reader

Liability series chapter 8!!!!

synopsis: reader has a long-awaited conversation with her sister

warnings: angst, cursing, sisters fighting, ghost mentioned

link to liability series: https://www.tumblr.com/ponyosmom35/733401347573088256/simon-ghost-riley?source=share

MDNI

The medic hurried out of the cafeteria and followed after Emma once the conversation with Ghost had come to an end. She was tired of the silence, she needed this to be resolved so she could clear her head. No matter how much she hated swallowing her ego, she knew that the only way to get Emma to talk to her was to be the first to apologize. She opened the door to their and noticed Emma reading a book on her bed. Their eyes meet and rage fills the older sister's body instantly. 

"was I not clear when I said I have nothing to say to you?" Emma asks 

"that's fine, that means you can keep your mouth shut and listen to me" she says 

"I don't wanna talk about this right now just-" Emma starts, the younger sister cuts her off determined not to let Emma shut this down. "we are talking about this right now because I'm tired of the silence, I miss you" 

Emma's gaze softens slightly and she puts the book down, crossing her arms awaiting the apology. She sighs and sits down on her own bed, crossing her legs. "you were right about my behavior, I acted like a fucking idiot and I regret it. I put you in a compromising situation all because I let my ego get the best of me and that wasn't fair. You've done so much for me, and I'm sorry that I couldn't recognize that at first. After being here I see just how wrong I was, I'm so grateful that you got me this job, it's truly changed the way I view medicine"

"thank you for saying that" Emma says "It wasn't fair of Ghost to treat you like that, he can be a dick sometimes, so I can see why you were upset"

"speaking of, I apologized to him as well after you left. I thought about what you said and I don't want any bad blood between you and the team because of my words. He said it was forgotten but you know him, can't be sure" she smiles 

"he's a character thats for sure"

"I don't think I've ever met anyone like him before" she admits 

"I think he'd say the same about you"

"I doubt it- that man hates me"

"If he hated you then you would've been gone a long time ago" Emma says "I think he likes you a lot more than he lets on, we can all see the two of you"

Her breath hitches and she stares at her sister wide eyed "what?"

"it's obvious babe, you like each other!"

"what makes you say that?" she questions in shock 

"the way that he watches you, he's its like he's constantly checking on you. And don't think we didn't all notice how you stare at him when he's working out in the morning"

"I don't like Ghost! he's a dick Em!"

"a sexy dick" Emma points out

"he is undeniably sexy but that means nothing! a guy like that would never spare me a second glance, don't feed my delusions" she jokes 

"deny it all you want" Emma shrugs 

"I'm not here for sexy military men, I'm here to prove to you that I can do a good job"

"you have nothing to prove to me, I know how extraordinary you are"

"you mean that?" she asks

Emma moves over to her side and grabs her hand "I know how talented you are, that's why I wanted you here with me, I knew how many lives you'd save. we need you. I need you, and I'm sorry for my behavior this past week as well. I've said many things that I don't mean. I love you little sister, you're my best friend in this world and I'm so grateful to have you here with me" 

"I love you to Em" she says leaning her head on Emma's shoulder 

"I know that Ghost is packing at least 8 inches" Emma says breaking the sweet moment, she lifts her head and stares at her in shock as a blush creeps over her face. 

"oh my god you're blushing! I knew you liked him!" Emma says pushing her sister back "just imagine those arms lifting you up" she taunts 

"oh my god stop!" she laughs 

"don't tell me you haven't thought about it"

"obviously I have" 

"he's like a fucking greek god" Emma says 

"since when do you like men?" she asks 

"I don't but just because I'm a lesbian doesn't mean I'm fucking blind, that man is gorgeous, god took his fucking time on him" Emma says, causing the pair to laugh loudly. 

"his tattoos..." she trails off 

"he's stunning" Emma agrees

"I wonder what he looks like underneath the mask" she muses 

"I don't know, only people who've seen his face is the team. he won't even share his name with the rest of us"

"I wonder why"

"I'm not sure, all I've been told is that he's the real fucking deal, he's a living legend, a real ghost story. Most aren't even sure if he exits." 

"what do you mean?"

"anyone who's ever gotten close enough to see the skull mask is a dead man walking" Emma responds. the thought sends chills down her spine, goosebumps arise on her arms.

 "yet somehow you've yelled at him and managed to walk away unharmed, that means something"

"yeah I guess it does"

"all I'm saying is that you shouldn't ignore your feelings, just because he hasn't given you any signs that you'd expect doesn't mean he doesn't care. expect the unexpected with him, notice the little things" 

"I will" she nods 

Chapter 9: https://www.tumblr.com/ponyosmom35/734013605561974784/friendly-debates?source=share

#simon riley #smut #cod mw2 #ghost call of duty #ghost cod #simon ghost x reader #mw2 ghost #ghost x reader #simon ghost riley #ghost #ghost fanfiction #simon ghost riley fanfiction #simon riley smut #simon riley x you #simon riley x reader #ghost simon riley #ghost mw2 #cod mw3 #cod #cod x reader #call of duty #modern warfare #cod modern warfare #141 #task force 141 #tf 141 #cod 141 #141 x reader

[joycew-blog]

Special RnM Ask:

If you were given the opportunity to write one episode dedicated to Rick in a romantic relationship, who would you ultimately pair him with? Why? What would happen, or what sort of plotline would you go with?

Oh jeez, that's a very good question. If it were a sexual relationship it would be one thing, but a romantic one? You've definitely given me food for thought. I think it really depends on where Rick is at in the story. If I were to write it right now (so directly after season 7) I think he's still very busy getting his shit together. He's not stable enough to get in a proper romantic relationship that isn't toxic or won't fall apart. That doesn't mean he can't try to tho! I just don't think it would be something that would work for long term. But if I were to pick a scenario it could either be a random new alien character that he quickly got attached to (like Daphne in season 5) or an existing character that he has a past with. I rather pick existing characters since that's easier for me to imagine and write for. My first thought was Mr Nimbus, but then I also saw a mention somewhere of Curtis which would be a good choice as well. But I prefer to pick Nimbus cause he really deserves more screentime and he has some sort of past with Rick that could be shown in the episode. So if I were to write the episode itself it would start with some sort of peace treaty. Rick bringing back the conch and sort of apologizing in his own Rick-ish way for being a dick. Maybe he even got pushed to do this by his family or therapist. They'll bicker a lot and it looks like it'll end in a fight again, but at the same time Rick brought back the conch which is unusual for him, so they decide to bury the hatchet for now.

Rick didn't know what to do next so, well... why not visit Nimbus' kingdom? It's been a long while and it might be a good start to keep the peace going. Of course knowing both Rick and Nimbus, things get horny real fast and they are having a one-night stand. They both had a great time and that's how the snowball started rolling. Rick visits Nimbus more often and it puts him in a good mood, to the point that even his family starts to get suspicious. Summer starts calling him out for being in 'loooveeeee' and Morty tries to stop her from doing that cause he's happy that Rick's happy. But the seed is planted and now things get too intimate for Rick. And Rick being Rick he of course starts to push Nimbus away. In return Nimbus gets angry and confronts him about it and they start fighting again. During the fight they start screaming what goes through their minds by insulting each other, digging in their personalities etc. Until Rick yells "I can't believe my grandkids think I fucking fell in love with you!" Anddd that made Nimbus stop fighting real fast and he looks at Rick like he's grown two heads. They talk it out and find out that their feelings are mutual; They are not in love, but definitely love to keep hanging out with each other more. They work best as friends with very good benefits.

Maybe it gets a bit fanficy at the end there tho, but I do genuinely believe that their relationship works best as friends in the end.

But! I have a second answer! Like I said before, if Rick were to go in a relationship right now it would not end well. But if I were to look at endgame? Then Birdrick would definitely be on the table! However, I don't think this a relationship that would get build and written in one episode. Rick and BP have a strained relationship right now, they are barely on speaking terms, so I think we should have more episodes of them together in general before they go in a romantic direction. Like Rick meeting Birddaughter, perhaps by rescuing her from the Galactic Federation cause she got caught again. Or maybe she's heard a lot of stories about Rick from the Federation that made her curious. Maybe have BP and Rick reminisce about the past! I'm definitely still curious what music the Flesh Curtains were making. And after allll that buildup we can have an episode where they get together. It could perhaps be more dramatic, like them going on an adventure and things go very wrong! One of them ends up on the verge of dying, which in turn makes the other realize they don't want to live without the other anymore. And things kinda keep going from there.

So I think there's a lot of different possibilities about having a romantic episode with Rick. But it would definitely be a hectic one, since Rick is a dumb-dumb when it comes to feelings and it's definitely an R&M thing to do. And also it would be queer as fuck, no more being sneaky on wither Ricks falls for guys or not! Unless that's already been established in an earlier episode.

(ohmygod this got so long, I wasn't expecting to write a fanfic today)

#rick and morty #nimrick #rickbus #birdrick #text post #ask

[emo-eyemakeup-evildude]

oh my god I know that Lucia has been in such a bad place just in general but god the things I would do just to have her say to Kirsi "I don't trust Ricon but I know he means a lot to you and I want you to know that a care about you and I'm worried about you"

#suitor armor #the why don't they just fucking talk to each other is so good #bc the why don't they just talk to each other is like. everything that has happened in their entire lives #my poor girls omg please go to therapy #season 3 spoilers here but it seems like Lucia and Ricon were both present for a lot of Kirsi's recovery #and that must have been SO hard for Lucia

[earlgreybocchan]

Lost my original post of this from the other day but I genuinely don't understand how Black Butler discourse ever shifted into the does Sebastian ~really~ like Ciel or is Ciel just dinner line of conversation that is pervasive as it is because Sebastian is the one that has absorbed his whole existence into Ciel's. Sebastian's face is what Ciel wants Sebastian's whole purpose is doing things for Ciel Sebastian's every hell of a butler yes my lord speech is about how he's Ciel's and Ciel is the one going around saying shit like whatever Sebastian is just my pawn 💅

#like sjdjdkdd?????? #it's not that i don't think ciel loves sebastian per se bc. well. i don't think he'd ever process it in terms like that no matter what... #...kind of relationship they have bc the most important thing to him is getting him to do tasks like a dog and proving he will over and over #which is why sebastian does it all so overkill #but the most acknowledgement you ever get that ciel likes sebastian is stuff like idk the fucking book of atlantic you did good today #or if we're feeling really crazy the you were the only demon there line #like the dynamic has gotten way skewed in fandom away from the actual text #and i know why but it's still annoying bc i am not even saying this in a shippy way bc i don't give a fuck about ships #but they're so crazy entwined and in completely incomparable inhuman situations that it literally has no merit on this story to sit and... #...definitely piece together how this relationship works with real life normie standards like it literally is going to fit into no box of... #...what we think of as friends or siblings or parents or partners bc no victorian guy on the face of the earth has a real pet demon. #it's so boring you're missing the bigger picture that they're everything to each other and completely stuck together forever #does x mean y mean z? (least problematic answer only) they're stuck together! forever! #and no one has demons in real life it's all comparable to real life nothing #other than the asthma that's real #anyway. it's like fandom has made up a version of this story in their heads that is so devoid of anything that makes the story the story #twitter is like another planet for this i am mostly talking about twitter where i have been looking for news about the anime and oh boy #i have said this before but sebastian doesn't have a grip on human relationships bc he's not one and ciel doesn't give a fuck #but like this post started with and strayed from. well. sebastian isn't even trying to act like he's indifferent. ciel actually is. #and we're all missing several funny bits from that just trying to fit everything into a box #we could have more interesting conversations if we got past the same three people have been having for 20 years #kuroshitsuji #my kuro posts

[heartshattering]

5 AM

Just me and my overactive mind facing the nighttime again 🙃

#hopefully the meds work but while waiting for them to kick in I get so damn nervous #and sometimes I do get nights where even on my full dose my anxiety is too overpowering and I just. Do Not Sleep #I mean I do eventually but not without spiraling first :') #way before I was prescribed sleep meds my longest was 3 nights without sleep while on a VERY stressful trip #I felt like I was gonna die and I did not sleep until I got off the plane and was back at home #(this was like 15 years ago already but it still haunts me fhfgsgdh) #my best friend and I were having a conversation today #and she was like 'not sleeping can make you hallucinate right?' #and I was like :') I get the hallucinations in other scenarios too #BUT I also get what she meant #not sleeping is really bad for me mentally which is why I can't do 'sleep restriction therapy' #and fun fact #a lot of my OCD obsessions revolve around sleep!!! #which is 'awesome' because laying in bed with insomnia makes my OCD flare up so like #the two get to feed off each other and make my life a living hell!!! #and don't even get me started on my sleep paralysis episodes #(which I like to think of as just my brain misfiring but that my aunt tells me is saints or demons trying to talk to me) #'cause she hallucinates too but hers are like 'spiritual' or whatever #same with my mom's hallucinations as well #and to add fuel to the dumpster fire of my mind and body is the fact I've been overcaffeinating again #which I've known not to do ever since I was in middle school and saw the pediatric cardiologist who specifically said 'hey don't do that' #fast-forward to adulthood and I still haven't learned how to handle anything #like. I have heart meds and sleep meds and migraine meds and IBS meds #and yes meds are good but like. I know you need to incorporate lifestyle changes as well #which I do for like 2 weeks until the next time I fuck up #I've been so irresponsible lately but like. ESPECIALLY today #didn't eat #took some meds on an empty stomach and forgot to take my other ones at all #had too much caffeine #stressed out over some stupid situations thanks to overthinking

[hauntingblue]

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#'we will take the trial of hell i know you guys will make it' luffy enablers 1 and 2 zoro and robin: I'm in #SANJI JUST BROKE THE FOURTH WALL!!!! #nami too!!!!!! #why did luffy jump for choper akdhaksjsk #luffy just letting nami hit him and acting like an annoying child... yeah.. #also this 3d pov shot is cool as hell #everyone is so dumb in this movie akdhsksjsk #the humor in this movie is just misunderstandings and silences and it works so well..... #chopper that was some fine acting lmao #zoro and sanji fighting instead of trying to win the game... they want each other so bad .... #usopp saying betrayal is namis specialty... #sanji jealous of the bbq guy akdhajaj and nami keeping the goldfish guy drunk after robin ajdhak that slap!!! #'you don't have the right to eat bc you wernt cheering me on' SANJI!!! KISS HIM ALREADY!!! #i love the turmoil. luffy does not. that is why he is gonna go apeshit #zoro said fuck that kid. in particular. he has a nice voice #damn chopper couldnt you have caught the child that soil looks hard #STOP IT WITH THE HOLES!!!!!! #the style gives me sabaody vibes and well the plot too #this is torture...i know the last one to be eaten will be nami... for dramatic effect bc thats his twin... i know it... #i checked and this was BEFORE sabaody??? incredible... #zoro is the last... of course... well i insist... sabaody vibes.... luffy this is so bad #the head going to zoro.... omg..... how did they know about luffys abandonment issues before the manga.... i mean of course he would be hurt #luffy jumping like a little goblin.... MORE!!! luffy going insane i love you... this is so fucked up... but so good #luffy has suffered more than jesus christ.... this isn't canon but it is confirmed to me... see the wounds on his hands.... crucified #this is a tuskly so good..... the villain is compelling and everything its kinda sad #that ending :) that was so good actually everyone watch this #its the baron omatsuri and the secret island movie ask me about where to watch it #talking tag #watching one piece #watching one piece movies

[levil0vesyou]

Literally what are you still doing here!!! What do you want!!! Just unfollow me!!! What, you didn't notice you're the one mutual I deliberately didn't refollow with the new main??

What do I have to do to get your terf ass to finally fuck off

#for my other followers: yes this is about a follower but if you're unsure then it isn't you. the person this is about knows 100% it's her #or at least i fucking hope so #'i don't follow fascists' girl you are the fascist #i know i promised you we'd stay friends. but i didn't realise you'd join a hate movement dedicated to eradicating my existence #just leave!! it's been years!!! we haven't even talked to each other in ages!!!! #btw. this is me showing you the door nicely. if you don't unfollow me i might softblock you. and prolly hardblock on the old account tbh #just leave girl. what are you still doing here. have i not made my blog inhospitable enough to the likes of you? #ofc it hurts to cut someone out you've known for like a decade and were very close with. why do you think i've tolerated you here this long #but like. i'm at my limit girl. i should've done this years ago and didn't. pls just leave. just leave!! why are you still here!!! LEAVE!!! #personal #cw terf mention #mine #i do not want you here. i've already let you stay longer than was good for me. fuck off