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#the name of this book is secret review
saint-starflicker · 20 hours
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Scrolled past another shoot-from-the-hip movie comparison in the tags, this time that Saltburn and Call Me By Your Name have a Venn Diagram Circle fandom.
While I think in this specific case it should not be an insult—people can like multiple movies, so I don't understand the jump to the conclusion of how "You only like Saltburn because you haven't watched The Talented Mr Ripl—" People can like both movies! jfc... Anyway I think I have only found one or two people in the tags that actually like both in the past six months, so the generalization is statistically false. (And it was thrown into the void with derogatory connotations.)
Although I did only watch the Call Me By Your Name movie because somebody in the Saltburn tag said they're similar.
Why can I never find these "transpositional plagiarisms"¹ that everybody else keeps finding?
Yeah, yeah, Olivers, shared bathroom, heterosexual experiment girl, summer lovin' like it's the beginning of Grease 1978 but in Europe, and at least one scene that's purposely meant to gross the audience out (peach, tub) but has deeper meaning or narrative purpose—and then discourse about bad representation—
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Why do the similarities matter? Does it serve sort of "if you liked XYZ movie then you should also watch ABC movie because you might like both"? Is it more of a, "they are similarly popular and therefore impactful and influential, which can be a problem because of behind-the-scenes controversies"? Is it "neither worked for me, for similar reasons" or "one worked for me and the other didn't despite their similarities—so if you liked the one I didn't like, then you might like this other one better"?
...
...Or is it the dislike that becomes "let people dislike things" that reinforces an online culture of bog-standard media literacy²?
¹ Simon Stephenson coined the phrase "plagiarism by transposition" in an accusation that The Holdovers 2023 is stolen from a not-yet-filmed screenplay by Stephenson. The Holdovers 2023 was a remake of Merlusse 1935. Sorry, Simon, transpositional plagiarism articulates a lot of creator anxieties and viewer criticism...but it is not a thing. A text put through the wringer of a thesaurus or paraphrasing and judged to still be plagiarism can be a thing. Transpositional plagiarism is not a thing.
² I write that as though I'm on a hilltop of literacy so first I'll say yes I am although I have fallen off on occasion and climbed up again so I'm not saying that never happens; and this is how I define media literacy: includes a definition of the subject's positionality, the framework by which the statements of the interpretation will be made, the application and purpose of making those statements, and good-faith open discourse rather than a shutdown of developing ideas. Not to say that first-impressions shitposting on a personal blog is somehow wrong or should be more polished, but more that even that shitpost will be itself a text that can be contextualized and analyzed for how it contributes to culture and conversation—even if it is therapeutic for now and will be embarrassing and regrettable later in life if any growing up gets done at all.
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Code Name Butterfly by Embassie Susberry
Publisher ‏ : ‎ Avon (4 Jan. 2024)Language ‏ : ‎ EnglishPaperback ‏ : ‎ 432 pagesISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0008591512ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0008591519 Book Blurb Paris, 1941. With Nazi occupation imminent, journalist Elodie Mitchell plans to return home to Chicago. But an unexpected invitation to a Josephine Baker show changes everything. Mistaken for the star, Elodie is whisked backstage, where she uncovers an…
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inkykeiji · 2 months
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character: valentino warnings: 18+ minors do not interact, possessiveness, toxic relationship, daddy kink, gun play, slight oral fixation, fem!reader who has unspecified piercings notes: for @sovya, who is val’s precious lil princesa ♡ and who always listens to my insane ramblings about ideas i had at exactly 6:20am hehe c: words: 687
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Valentino has an interesting little quirk, you’ve come to learn; he always has to have something of his inside of you. It’s a simple fact, really. No matter what it is or where you are, a piece of him must always be within you in some way, shape, or form. 
He, of course, prefers for it to be a part of his body—his fingers, his tongue, his cock—but unfortunately that isn’t always feasible. 
And, of course, there are other objects that work well, too. 
Sometimes it’s his gun, barrel rammed down your throat as far as it possibly can be, teeth scraping against the N of his bedazzled name as you desperately attempt to swallow more, knees sinking into the plush shag of the carpet beneath his work desk, your chin resting on his thigh as you sit at his feet. Your lips pucker tightly around the barrel as they suck, thick dribbles of saliva oozing from the corners of your mouth to drizzle off your jaw in shimmering cords, while a dutiful tongue curls around the heated metal in a protective, almost loving embrace, eager to siphon it further into your body. 
Sometimes it’s one of his shiny gold rings, pressed flat under your tongue as you suck it into your flesh during your daily outings, the metal clacking daintily against your teeth while you mindlessly toy with it, the tip of your tongue hooking through the band then circling the halo in a lazy, messy outline, encrusted salt melting against your tastebuds, staining your tongue with the zest of his sweat. 
Sometimes it’s his favourite bullet vibrator, soft pink silicon engraved with his full name and a smattering of cute little hearts buried deep in your cunt as you go about your day, never knowing when Val might turn it on, turn it up, but always knowing that he’s watching through the discreet cameras he had Vox plant all over your shared condo, always ready for that telltale video call that you better fucking answer right before you cum—and knowing that if you don’t, you’ll be suffering endless edging until Daddy gets home (and sometimes after that, too). 
He gets off on it just as much as you do, chuckling darkly when your knees knock together and your thighs tense, a sharp gasp spilling from your throat and nails chipping as your fingers curl around the edge of the kitchen counter, tauntingly asking if something is wrong, amorcito? as his face swims into view, sadism stretched sharply across his face, eyes glowing with the knowledge that he holds all of your pleasure, all of that power, in the silky palm of his hand, controlling it with the single flick of a notch. 
Sometimes it’s his custom-made heart-shaped studs and barbells, embellished with ostentatious V’s and filling all of your piercings, glinting in the late afternoon sun or heating under your clothes as he drags you from store to store, an arm tightly linked through your own—showing you off, his most cherished accessory, his prettiest prized possession, his best accomplishment.  
If he has to pick a favourite, though, it’s his fingers, one of his four hands wedged between your soft thighs, two fingers stuffing your cunt full and idly stroking the silky walls as he works—writing scripts or reviewing footage—and you play—mashing buttons on your pretty pink handheld or colouring a picture for him, book folded at the spine and balancing against your bent knees, little tongue playing with the point of your fang as you concentrate. 
And yet, despite the sensuality of it all, it isn’t even sexual half of the time, going far beyond the shallow pleasures of carnality. Because that secret, shared knowledge that there is a piece of him constantly inside of you—a private claim of ownership in the most intimate sense—provides a deep-seated comfort; a warm, dense calm that roots itself at the very core of your souls, that soothes anxieties and serves as a steadfast reminder: that you are owned, that he owns you, that you belong to one another, always. 
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moonchildstyles · 4 months
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whats this aster curious gazes im seeing ?🥸
wordcount: 2.7k+
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Mikaela impatiently checked the time broadcasted on the clock above the auditorium's entrance, trailing after the molasses-slow minute hand. How had it only been three minutes since she last checked and not the twenty she had sworn it had been? She and her group had already finished peer reviewing each other's papers ten minutes ago, but they were all confined to their seats for fear of Professor Rian marking them down for leaving early—one of his favorite activities Mikaela had learned about the hard way during the second week of courses.
"How much longer?" Bria bemoaned from across the table, her own boredom showing in her dull gaze. (Y/N) perked up at Mikaela's side at the question, though she stayed just as quiet as she always was. 
"Another thirty," Mikaela murmured, a moment away from rolling her eyes, "I feel like we've been waiting for, like, an hour." 
Around them, the remaining groups were still chattering, some speaking about the essays while others seemed just as checked out as them. Running a hand through her long hair, Mikaela convinced herself to stay strong. 
"At least it'll be the weekend after this," she reminded the table, looking to Bria, "You're still set on getting your tattoo this weekend?" 
Bria plucked up at the question, her brown eyes sparkling in excitement. "Mhm! They called and confirmed yesterday with me, so I'll be in tomorrow morning, first thing!" 
"Are you going to be with the same guy that you had the consultation with?" Mikaela asked, picturing the long haired, heavily tattooed man she had seen when she went with Bria the first time to set up the initial appointment. She almost booked one for herself after seeing him; even the scowl and less than friendly demeanor couldn't detract from his... everything. 
Leaning across the table as if sharing a secret, Bria raised her eyebrows with a conspiratorial gleam in her eyes. "I hope. I might cancel, if not." 
Mikaela laughed along with her friend, knowing exactly where she was coming from. 
Piping up with a small smile on her features, (Y/N) asked, "Where are you going for your tattoo?" 
"It's not too far from here actually," Bria started, settling her chin in her hand as she spoke to (Y/N) at Mikaela's side. "It's called 17Black." 
(Y/N)'s expression brightened at the mention of the tattoo parlor in a way Mikaela had never seen before. Though she usually came to class fresh-faced and dewy, there was now a glimmer in her eyes that almost gave the illusion of glitter having fallen in her lashes.
"They're the best," she bubbled, her smile wide, "It's gonna turn out really, really good. You said you know who your artist is going to be?" 
"Yeah—um—hold on," Bria muttered, reaching into her bag, "I got his card last time I was in—I think he's the owner, or something." After a moment she pulled out a black and white business card, reading the name off: "Harry." 
Passing the card across the table, (Y/N) eagerly read over the stylized font and the glossy logo on the other side. "He's amazing—you're super lucky, Bria." 
(Y/N)'s smile wasn't one that could be shaken as she passed back the card. Mikaela thought she looked like she was proud, even. (Y/N) was always so reserved, seemingly more comfortable in the background and only chirping up when needed, Mikaela had never seen her so bright like this. 
"Have you been there before, (Y/N)?" she asked, trying to imagine someone like (Y/N) with any tattoos—especially done at a place like 17Black. 
Not that there was a specific kind of person that could have tattoos or that the parlor wasn't nice, but she had a hard time picturing (Y/N) with all her ribbons, pink sweaters, and shimmer flouncing into that building and getting a design inked into her skin. Especially by someone like Bria's artist; she was already shy enough, Mikaela doubted his scowls and curt tone would be anything of comfort.
That left her raising her brows in surprise when (Y/N) happily nodded her head. "Yeah! I only have one tattoo, but Harry did it and it's"—there was a moment something dreamy flashed over (Y/N)'s gaze then—"It's perfect." 
"I didn't know you had a tattoo," Bria interjected, her expression surely mirroring Mikaela's with her own perked brows and searching gaze as if they had both somehow missed an obvious marking. 
"It's really little," (Y/N) explained, settling some in her seat, "It's on my side, like, on my ribs, so people don't really see it." 
"I never pictured you with a tattoo," Mikaela added, "And especially on your ribs. You're brave." 
"Honestly," Bria started, bouncing full brows over her eyes "I don't know how you got through it, especially with him." 
A cinch appeared between (Y/N)'s brows. "What do you mean?" 
"You probably had to take your shirt off for the rib tattoo, right?" Bria prodded, watching as (Y/N) flustered some before ultimately nodding her head, "I don't know how to act around that guy—Harry—with my clothes on, I think I would combust if he asked me to take them off." 
It wasn't hard to see that (Y/N) was bubbling with embarrassment at Bria's remark—though Mikaela did hardily agree. She wondered if (Y/N) felt the same way; it was hard to picture her getting flustered over someone like Bria's artist. There could be that whole opposites attract thing going on for them, but Mikaela could only really see the scenario where Harry would crush the marshmallow that is (Y/N).
"Oh, I don't know," she muttered half-heartedly, trailing off without a real answer, "You know, he's just..." 
"It's okay, I get it," Bria finished for her with a bubbling laugh that had (Y/N) cracking her own polite smile. "He's pretty intimidating, honestly. Not for everyone, I guess." 
With her hands a bundle in her lap, (Y/N) tilted her head, "I wouldn't say that—" 
Not a moment too soon, Professor Rian made his way back to the forefront of the auditorium—something Mikaela wished he would have done a half an hour prior. "Class dismissed. Next Wednesday we'll do our final draft reviews and the finished essays will be due next Friday at midnight. Have a nice weekend." 
"Finally," Bria exasperated, immediately rushing to pack her things just as Mikaela had before Rian had even finished talking.
(Y/N) had done the smart thing and had her things ready to go once they had finished peer reviewing, only having to sling her bag over her shoulder while she quietly waited for the pair of them to get their own shit together. 
It was wild how much more awake Mikaela felt now that class had been dismissed, leaving behind the exhausted state she was lulling into at her desk. Shrugging into her jacket, the mental list of tasks she had to accomplish before her sister, Mira, and her boyfriend would be over for dinner didn't sound so bad now.
"What are you getting, Bria? For your tattoo, I mean," she chirped up, peering around Mikaela as they walked into the corridor, steps in sync with one another. 
"The moon and some stars and stuff on the top of my hand," she explained, "It's kind of hard to describe without a picture, but it's this whole thing." 
"That sounds really pretty," (Y/N) smiled, sincerity in her voice, "Hopefully it won't take too long—I hear the top of your hand can hurt sometimes with the bones and all." 
"It might not be so bad if it took a while, right?" Mikaela piped up, shooting Bria a look from the corner of her eye. Maybe, if Mira and her boyfriend didn't overstay their welcome tonight, she'd go with Bria in the morning and see if her artist had a girlfriend or something. 
(Or was at least open to hooking up on one of the tattoo chairs). 
Leading down the hall towards the main entrance of the building, Bria nudged Mikaela's shoulder. Ahead of them, (Y/N) reached forward and opened the door for the three of them to pass through. 
"Definitely wouldn't be bad," Bria laughed, the chill of the winter air seeping through the sleeves of Mikaela's jacket as they stepped outside. "I don't know, I might even—Wait, oh my god." 
"What?" Mikaela asked, brows furrowing at the abrupt change in her friend. 
Instead of the amused bubbly expression she wore just a moment prior, Bria now looked ahead with wide eyes and gaped lips, her steps slowing over the concrete. 
(Y/N) noticed the change in her demeanor as well, peering around Mikaela as her own features molded into something of worry. "What happened?"
"He's here," Bria muttered, looking straight ahead towards the student parking lot, "That's literally him right there, isn't it? Why is he here?" 
"Who? Who's her—" 
Following Bria's line of sight, Mikaela felt her own words get stuck in her throat when she saw just what had her friend going limp. 
As if summoned, Bria's tattoo artist—Harry—had somehow found a prime parking space in the student lot and was now waiting.
He was ever the intimidating figure with his arms crossed over his chest, leaning against the hulking frame of the black Range Rover behind him. (Because, of course, he would drive a Range Rover). Even with the chunky black cardigan draped over his form, he didn't look any less imposing than when he had stalked through the tattoo parlor. He perfectly matched his car, all black, tattoos tracing over his skin, including the heavy chest pieces on display from the low scoop of his top. A pair of sunglasses were holding his hair back on the top of his head, with his lips set in a firm line, lip ring and all.
"He doesn't go here, right?" Mikaela blanched. Why else would be here, if not to go to class, right?
(Y/N) looked just as bewildered as they were, a cant to her head as she took him in. "What is he doing here?" she muttered, voice quiet enough to be speaking to herself.
Their small trio stood off to the side, out of the way as the rest of their classmates trickled around them as well as other students meandering through campus. From where they stood, Mikaela could see the way the tattoo artist scanned over the student body, searching for something—or someone.
He didn't come to see Bria, right? That would be crazy, leaning on certifiable—even if he was hot.
Mikaela's eyes widened when she saw (Y/N) wave her hand above her head. What was she doing? Did she not think this was weird that he had showed up to campus when he really didn't have any reason to? 
She watched as he caught sight of (Y/N)'s waving arm and his features almost immediately softened. Even from where they were standing, it was clear to see the tension releasing from his body in a breath. He pushed off from where he was lent against his Range Rover and started towards the building—towards them.
Was (Y/N) insane or something, and they'd just missed all the signs until this moment? Why would she ask him to come over here?
"He's coming over here, what the fuck," Bria murmured, just as lost as Mikaela. 
It didn't take long for his spanning strides to cross the concrete and take him to where their small group had taken root. Seeing him this close again, Mikaela realized her memory didn't do him any justice—he was more than gorgeous. Unfortunately crazy, but still hot. 
Had he always had his nose pierced? Had his eyes always been that green? Had they always been pinned to (Y/N) like that? 
"(Y/N), do you—" Bria started, only to cut herself off when (Y/N) excitedly bounced up to her toes once the tattoo artist was close. 
"What are you doing here, H?" she chirped, familiarity in her voice as she looked up at him.
Mikaela figured she wore the same expression that Bria did, with her eyes wide and brows raised, a fraction away from her jaw dropping as they watched the tattoo artist—H—pull (Y/N) into his arms and drop a kiss on the top of her head.
"Came to pick you up for lunch, if that's okay," he murmured, not sparing a glance their way as he kept the pink marshmallow in his arms. "I also noticed there was an extra jacket lying around my room that I thought was supposed to be with you." 
Sheepishly looking down, (Y/N) shook her head. "I forgot, I'm sorry." 
Adoration was clear on the tattoo artist's—her boyfriend—features. "'S alright, lovebug. I brought it with me so y'can have it the rest of the day, jus' don't keep forgetting it. 'S only getting colder out, I don't want you to get sick." 
"I won't," (Y/N) sighed, looking entirely at home as she clutched his sweater in her hands and fluttered her lashes at him as if he were a king. "Thank you." 
Mikaela couldn't help the simmering of her blood beneath her skin, surely a flush painting her complexion as she thought back to just what she and Bria had been saying during class. They talked all about how hot (Y/N)'s boyfriend was to her face, implied he was intimidating and not her type, and she had even heard them freak out thinking he had come to see them. She was never going to pair with them for peer review again.
(Though Mikaela will give herself credit for not speaking about the lingering fantasy she'd had involving one of those tattoo chairs and Harry's hair pulled back so he could focus). 
"Um," Mikaela sounded, almost cringing at how stupid she sounded from just a single syllable, "I think we should probably go, but we'll see you next week, (Y/N)." 
(Y/N) turned with her expression going bashful. Her boyfriend's hands didn't move from where they were on her waist though he finally looked up from her to see the rest of the world around them. 
"I'm sorry," she apologized as if in reflex. Looking at the man behind her, she started with a shy smile on her lips, "Harry, this is Bria and Mikaela. They're the girls from one of my English classes I've told you about." 
Back was the expression she recognized from when she had dropped by the tattoo parlor. His features hardened some, going less open and easy to read than they had been just a moment ago. He took them in with a stilted smile on his lips. 
"Nice to meet you," he murmured, his gaze flicking to Bria for a split second longer, "Actually, we've met before, right? You're my nine a.m. tomorrow." 
"I am, yeah," Bria said, sounding just as lame as Mikaela felt. It was easy to see Bria was floundering for anything to say before she finally settled on, "(Y/N) didn't tell us she had a boyfriend." 
His smile turned lopsided at that, amusement flickering in his gaze as he looked down at the marshmallow in his arms. "She didn't?" 
(Y/N) looked to the pair of them, biting back a smile as if remembering what was said back in class but deciding it was their secret to keep. "It just didn't come up." 
"Right," he smiled, squeezing her waist just enough to get her bouncing at his side with a short huff of laughter pouring out, "Are you ready to go?" 
"I think so, yeah," (Y/N) agreed, craning her neck to smile up at him before returning her attention to Mikaela and Bria. "I'll see you guys next week."
The pair shared similar goodbyes, hoping they didn't sound as embarrassed as they felt. Walking away from them, Mikaela watched Harry tangle his fingers with (Y/N), slowing just long enough to press a kiss to her forehead before leading her towards his Range Rover.
"We are the most annoying people in the world," Mikaela said, breaking their silence, "We literally said all of that about him to his girlfriend." 
"She's never going to partner for peer review with us again." 
Despite the guilt and bits of humiliation floating through her system, Mikaela couldn't shake off just how sweet it was to see (Y/N) interact with someone like that—especially someone like her boyfriend. They were clearly in love, that much she could tell.
"Oh my god," Bria said, whipping her head around to look at Mikaela with horror stricken eyes. 
"What?" Mikaela asked, taken aback at the sudden urgency in Bria's voice. Was another person they had lusted over to their partner, about to round the corner? 
"I have to see him again tomorrow," Bria whined, "And, (Y/N)'s probably going to tell him what we said." 
At that thought, Mikaela really hoped her sister would overstay her welcome tonight—give her a reason to stay in bed and leave Bria to her appointment alone. 
—————
this is the first time im trying out this kind of pov so I really hope everyone like it! thank you sm for reading, sorry for any mistakes, and please lmk if you have any ideas you want to share!
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joannechocolat · 1 year
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On Power, and on Powering Through, and Why They’re Really Not the Same
I don’t pay much attention to personal attacks in reviews. It comes as the flipside of success; an attempt by the critic to puncture what they see as too much success. But I still remember one review, just after the film of Chocolat, when two of my novels happened to be in the Top 5 at the same time, in which a (male) newspaper critic referred to me dismissively as a premenopausal woman writer. I was a little taken aback. Clearly, it was meant to disparage, but I was only 35, ten years away from the perimenopause. What exactly did he mean? It wasn’t a comment about the book (which I doubt he had even read). The obvious misogyny aside, it seemed to express resentment, not of my books, but of me, myself, my right to take up space in his world. That word – premenopausal – was at the same time a comment on my age, my looks, my value, and a strong suggestion that someone like me shouldn’t be this successful, shouldn’t be writing bestsellers, shouldn’t be so – visible.
I don’t recall the name of the man, or the paper for which he was writing. He was far from being the only journalist who felt I didn’t deserve success. I shrugged off the unpleasant comment, but he’d meant it to hurt, and it did. I still wonder why he – and his editor - thought that was appropriate. I also wonder why, 20 years on, women are still dealing with this kind of thing. It’s still not enough for a woman to be successful in her chosen field. Whatever her achievements, you can be pretty sure that at some point, some man in his 50s or 60s – maybe an Oxbridge graduate, author of an unpublished novel or two - will offer his opinion on her desirability, either in the national Press, or most likely nowadays, by means of social media. The subtext is clear: women who don’t conform to societal values of what a woman should be are asking for this kind of treatment; especially those who dare to achieve more than their detractors.
10 years after that nasty review, I finally began the journey into perimenopause. No-one told me it was happening. No-one in the media was talking about it at the time. Even my doctor never thought to mention that my symptoms – the insomnia, headaches, mood swings, anxiety, depression, sleep paralysis, hair loss, brown patches on my skin – might have a single origin. I began to feel I was losing my mind: as if I were starting to disappear. I started to doubt my own senses. I blamed it all on the stress from my job. My mother had powered through menopause – or so she led me to believe – and made no secret of her contempt for modern women who complained, or treated the symptoms as anything more than a minor inconvenience.
And so I did the same. I powered through; and when at last I began to experience the classic symptoms of menopause - irregular bleeding, hot flushes, exhaustion, night sweats so bad that I would awake in sheets that were wringing wet – it did not occur to me to seek help. After over a year of this, I finally went to my doctor, who took a few tests, cheerfully announced I was menopausal, and when I inquired after HRT, advised me to power through – that phrase again - and let Mother Nature take her course. The internet was slightly more helpful. I took up running, lost weight, cut down on alcohol, downed supplements and sleeping pills and vitamin D, and felt a little better. Then, breast cancer came to call, and by the time my treatment was done, the symptoms had more or less disappeared, or at least had been superseded by the symptoms of chemo. I congratulated myself at having powered through cancer as well as surviving menopause.
But two years later, I feel old. I look that way, too. I’ve aged ten years. Some of that’s the cancer, of course. I was quite open about my treatment when I was powering through it – partly in order to pre-empt any questions about my hair loss or any of the all-too visible effects of three courses of chemo. Not that it stopped the comments, though. Even at my lowest ebb, a sector of social media made it clear that my only concern should be to look young and feminine to anonymous men on Twitter.
Right now, I don’t feel either. My hair has gone grey and very thin. My skin, too, seems thinner; both physically and mentally. At a recent publishing event, several acquaintances failed to recognize me; others just looked through me as if I had become invisible. Invisibility would be a relief; I find myself dressing for camouflage. I tend to wear baggy black outfits. I got my OBE last week. Photographs in the Press show me talking to Prince William. I’m wearing a boxy black trouser suit, flat shoes and a red fedora. I think I look nice. Not glamorous, but comfortable; quirky; unpretentious.
On a thread of largely supportive messages, one Twitter user pops up to say: Jesus, who’d accept an honour looking like that middle-aged disaster? @Joannechocolat thought she’d make an impact? She needs a stylist. If you look in the dictionary for the definition of “dowdy”, it features this photo.
It’s not the same man who belittled me over 20 years ago. But the sentiment hasn’t changed. Regardless of your achievements, as a woman, you’ll always be judged on your age and fuckability. I ought to be used to this by now. But somehow, that comment got to me. Going through menopause isn’t just a series of physical symptoms. It’s how other people make you feel; old, unattractive, and strangely ashamed.
I think of the Glass Delusion, a mental disorder common between the 14th and 17th centuries, characterized by the belief that the sufferer was made of glass. King Charles VI of France famously suffered from this delusion, and so did Princess Alexandra Amélie, daughter of Ludwig 1st of Bavaria. The condition affected mostly high-profile individuals; writers, royals, intellectuals. The physician to Philip II of Spain writes of an unnamed royal who believed he was a glass vase, which made him terribly fragile, and able to disappear at will. It seems to have been a reaction to feelings of social anxiety, fear of change and the unknown, a feeling both of vulnerability and invisibility.
I can relate. Since the menopause, I’ve felt increasingly broken. I don’t believe I’m a glass vase, and yet I know what it feels like to want to be wrapped in a protective duvet all day. I’ve started buying cushions. I feel both transparent, and under the lens, as if the light might consume me. On social media, I’ve learnt to block the people who make mean comments. To make myself invisible. To hide myself in plain sight. I power through, but sometimes I think: why do women power through? And who told them that powering through meant suffering in silence?
Fortunately, some things have changed since I went through the menopause. Over the past few years, we’ve seen more people talking about their experiences. Menopause is likely to affect half the population. We should be talking about it. If men experienced half these symptoms, you bet they’d be discussing it. Because power isn’t silence. You’d think that, as writer, I would have worked that out sooner. Words are power. Sharing is strength. Communication breaks down barriers. And sometimes, power means speaking up for those less able to speak for themselves.
I look at myself in the mirror. I see my mother’s mouth; my father’s eyes. I see the woman I used to be; the woman I will one day become. I see the woman my husband loves, a woman he still finds attractive. A woman with a grown-up child who makes her proud every single day. A menopausal woman. A cancer survivor. A woman who writes books that make other people sit up and think. A woman who doesn’t need the approval of some man she’s never met to be happy. She can be happy now. I can. And finally, I understand.  Powering through isn’t about learning to be invisible. It isn’t about acceptance, or shame, or letting Nature take its course, or lying about feeling broken. It’s looking beyond your reflection. It’s seeing yourself, not through the lens of other people’s expectations, but as yourself. The sum of everything you’ve been; of everyone who loves you. Of claiming your right to be more than glass, or your reflection in it. The right to be valued. The right to shine, regardless of age or reproductive status. Men seldom question their own right to these things. But women have to fight for them. That’s why it’s so exhausting.
This morning, instead of putting on my usual baggy black sweatshirt, I chose a bright yellow pullover. I looked at myself in the mirror. It’s not a great colour on me now, but it feels like dressing in sunshine. My husband came into the bathroom. You look –
My husband rarely gives compliments. I can’t remember the last time he commented on how I was dressed. I wondered what he was going to say. Dowdy, perhaps? Inappropriate? Like a menopausal woman in dire need of a stylist?
At last, he said: When you smile like that, you look like a friendly assassin.
A friendly assassin. I’ll take that.  
Shining like the sun. That’s me.
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mangomonk · 9 months
Text
i've been dreaming
↳ summary: read this drabble and pt. 1 first! remus deals with the repercussions of falling in love too late. ↳ content: angst, happy ending, mentions of eating/sleeping properly ↳ a/n: get comfy, this is a long one! i really appreciated and loved each comment from pt. 1, it made my day to see y'all scream heartbreak. would love to hear your thoughts on this one : D anyways, i went back and forth on my characterization of remus a million times, but i hope this version of him resonates and i hope you enjoy :") tense/grammar is all over the place, minimal proofreading but i've stared at this for too long. p.s. i'm kinda proud af about connecting the titles, they're from ivy by frank ocean.
Remus has been dreaming. Every time she had looked at him, he had felt like he was dreaming.
There wasn't a moment in particular that Remus could name when he realized he wanted her to look at him. He was in the middle of it before he even knew he had begun, though maybe a part of him had known it would have been futile to resist when she looked at him like that.
Or maybe it had been an accumulation of moments of Remus longing for her to look at him.
Maybe it had been when they had started their fourth study date together when Remus had decided he needed to act like a normal person and have strict boundaries instead of casting sidelong glances at her over the top of his book. He couldn't help but look at her as he tried to figure out why in the world a girl like her would ever agree to date him in the first place — he had only really asked so that he could be rejected and put the whole thing behind him.
But it wasn't his fault that the more glances he stole at her, the more he noticed the way her expression changed with each new story she read. It wasn't his fault that her lips parted when she was concentrating too hard on Ancient Runes. It wasn't his fault that her lips were the same color as his mother's tulips. But she never noticed when — or how — he looked at her, to his mingled relief and disappointment. It wasn't his fault at all, he reasoned — anyone would notice these things if they just looked at her properly. It baffled him a little how no one else seemed to have noticed this things about her yet.
It had been that day that Remus had decided he needed to start acting normal. He needed to learn how to control his eyes before he bore holes through her face. So he had focused on reviewing his Magical Theory textbook. Even though he had been rereading the same line for over five minutes. Even though he was so painfully aware that if he moved his leg out just slightly, his knees would knock against hers. Even though he could begin to feel her glancing up at him from across the table. When had he become so attuned to her gaze?
But he hadn't looked up, frustratingly going against every fiber in his body, because he needed to be normal and have boundaries and this was temporary. Even if she was looking at him like that. Remus Lupin, with his ever so strong willpower, hadn't looked up to meet her not-so-secret secret glances and had scribbled a note on his scrap of parchment and slid it over.
Hogsmeade this weekend?
Or maybe it had been when they had gone to Hogsmeade, the first time they had done anything together outside of studying. Asking her to go was a stroke of madness, but Remus had reasoned it to be a healthy show of their relationship, no matter how temporary it was supposed to be. It wouldn't make sense if they were dating and only ever studied together, right?
Right.
He had thought about sending an owl to cancel, even as he tried on Sirius's shirt for the second time — the night before, he had come to the sobering realization that all his clothes were plain. He had thought about telling her that he caught a cold, even as he let James slather Euphemia's silkifying potions through his hair. He had still been thinking about canceling even as his feet took him to the entrance gate—
—and she had been wearing a skirt.
It had been one of those long and flowy Muggle skirts — Remus had never before paid attention to women's fashion, but after that moment, he realized that maybe he ought to subscribe to one of Lily's Witch Weekly magazines so that he could get her more skirts, or rather, more of anything, he thought she'd look pretty in anything. Had he said pretty out loud?
Remus Lupin didn't have butterflies in his stomach, he had damn hummingbirds.
"Hi," he had said, a little too tersely and sharply.
"Hi," she had said back, all smiles. Despairingly, he had noticed that she was wearing lipstick. When he stared at her a little dumbly and didn't say anything back, her smile turned nervous as she fidgeted with the collar of her blouse. Impulsively, his eyes darted to follow the motion. "So... Hogsmeade?"
He wasn't going to tell her she looked pretty because he had laid out his boundaries. And if he started, he would never stop— "You look preautiful," he had blurted, stricken.
Her eyes had widened a fraction before she broke into a laugh. A proper laugh, not the quiet, library huff type of laughs he had grown fond of hearing. The warmth in his chest had spread all over and it had felt like it got to his head as a fog, rendering him unable to think. Remus had no idea what to do with the new, dizzying knowledge that she looked absurdly stunning when she was laughing, but all he could think about during their walk to Hogsmeade was how he might make her laugh again.
Or maybe it had been the first time he had properly introduced her to the Marauders. She had stepped closer to him instinctively — perhaps nervously, because Sirius was staring at her too appraisingly with narrowed eyes — when the back of her knuckles had brushed against his. Remus had nearly jumped out of his skin. Sirius's gaze had darted to him swiftly, his gray eyes knowingly bright with interest.
"Pleased to meet you," Sirius had said a moment later, his face breaking into a warm smile, but Remus wasn't paying attention anymore. He was just trying to figure out how he might hook his pinky with hers.
All this to say that there hadn't been one particular moment Remus Lupin could have pinpointed that had sealed his fate of wanting to be under her gaze.
The first time she looked at him, it was the start of nothing and when she looked away that night, it was the end of everything.
Remus wished she yelled at him. Hell, he even wished she had called him a monster, cursed him, hexed him. Remus thought that he would have been happier if she looked at him with contempt and disgust in her eyes, which only weeks ago had been his greatest fear when he considered telling her about his lycanthropy. The thought back then had kept him up at night, but Remus found himself dreaming for it now. Anything if it meant that he didn't hurt her the way he had. He found himself dreaming that she would just look at him again.
If Remus thought he had been panicked that night, it was nothing compared to the next day when he realized she was avoiding him. She hadn't shown up to the Great Hall — Remus knew this because he got there the moment the doors opened to make sure to catch her — and she didn't show up to any of their classes for the remainder of the day. The Marauder's Map showed that she was unmoving in her dormitory. When Remus finally did catch sight of her the next day in the Great Hall, he burst to his feet but froze a moment later. She walked past him, her expression one of unfamiliar blankness.
"Y/N!" He called, lurching forward towards her.
When she turned away from him to avoid meeting his gaze, Remus felt something like dismay sink so heavily and swiftly in his chest, like a stone thrown into a calm lake. The idea that Y/N wouldn’t look at him again drove him half-mad with a panicked disquietude that sent him scrambling to find a way to talk to her again. 
He tried in the Great Hall, but she stopped coming. She would arrive just late enough that class would start and would disappear the moment class ended. She stopped going to the library. Even with the Marauder's Map, he had no luck. The closer he tried to get to her, the further she stayed away.
Remus thought he was dreaming when he saw her alone in the corridor one Hogsmeade weekend when he couldn't bring himself to leave.
"Y/N," he said instinctively, hopefully. She looked up, her surprised expression immediately shuttering close. "Can we talk? Just for a moment?" He asked, stepping towards her. When she didn't move away, he straightened, encouraged.
“I know,” Remus began, his throat bobbing as he swallowed back the jolt of despair when he realized that she still wasn't looking at him. The despair only grew into a gnawing worry when he noticed the way shadows lined her eyes, the planes of her face hollower. Was she taking care of herself? "I know you don't want to see me anymore, cariad, but—"
"You don't get to call me that anymore."
He sucked in a breath, steeling himself before continuing. "Okay," he whispered, "Okay. I know. And I'm sorry, Y/N. I've never been more sorry in my life. And I won't ever ask you to forgive me. But, but I'm selfish because I want you to know that it was real for me."
She looked like she was folding in on herself as she clutched her forearms. "It wasn't real. You don't actually like me, Rem— Lupin," she said evenly, her tone neither cold nor warm. "It could have been anyone else."
"No, I do, I do," Remus lurched forward, desperate and earnest and wishing. "I like you, and maybe it wasn't real in the beginning, but it's real now. Like isn't even a strong enough word for how I feel about you, Y/N. I lo—"
"Don't." At the harsh steeliness of her tone, Remus froze, stricken, his heart dropping to his feet. "Don't say it."
"But it's true," he whispered entreatingly, imploring her to look at him again. "It's been true for awhile now."
"I don't believe you."
Each word hit him in the chest like a sharp pang, the stricken feeling in his chest clenching around his heart. "Okay," Remus swallowed back the crumpling sense of despair as he nodded earnestly. "That's okay," he whispered, as if not to spook a wild animal. "I... I'll show you." He had so much he wanted to say, so much that he wanted to show her. If he had been honest since the beginning, he wouldn't have hurt her. But maybe if he was honest now, it wasn't too late — he could still fix things. "You have my heart, Y/N," he continued softly, "—and you can break it, if you want, if you'll give me another chance—"
"I don't need it," she said quietly, looking away from him again. "Nor do I want it."
— — — — —
Remus stopped dreaming as he stopped sleeping.
"You should get some sleep tonight, mate," James said as he edged near his friend. "Full moon coming up."
Remus grunted in his response as he continued writing at his desk.
"Prongs is right," Sirius agreed, exchanging a quick look with the others. "She'll come around soon, anyone with eyes can see how you look at her. And how she looks at you."
"Why don't you talk to her again?" James suggested gently as he sat on the edge of Remus's bed.
"She doesn't want to," Remus said quietly, a blot of ink pooling at the end of his quill as he tried not to think about their last conversation.
"Why not write her a letter then?" Sirius asked. "Look, Moony, we're worried about you..."
A letter, Remus thought dimly as he stared down at the parchment in front of him.
Cariad, he began before setting his quill down to stare at the word. The first time he had called her cariad had been a slip of tongue. When he was younger, before his father had burnt himself out trying to find a cure to his lycanthropy, his father used to call his mother cariad. It was like a gentle period at the end of each sentence, an endearment that said everything all at once.
It had slipped into the end of his sentence one morning when he had asked her if she wanted orange juice or apple juice. Maybe it was too early to confess love, but it had slipped out, subtle and quiet like their time together.
"What's that?" She had asked, her attention now caught. "Car-iad," she said slowly, as she tried pronouncing the word carefully. Remus had thought he could have kissed her then.
"It's Welsh," he had said, keeping his tone light and casual as he reached for her cup.
But she had been as attentive as ever, her eyes seeing right through him as they tracked across his face carefully. It didn't help that he could feel his ears begin to burn. Despite himself though, Remus delighted being under her attention, and had relished it even as she narrowed her eyes at him suspiciously. "For?"
Remus had schooled his expression carefully. "For 'Y/N can never pick between orange juice and apple juice,'" he had deadpanned, inwardly delighting in the way her lips twitched as she huffed, unconvinced.
"Today is an orange juice day," she had declared finally. Remus had bit back a smile as he poured her juice. When she took it, she had smiled at him around the rim of the cup. "Thank you, cariad."
Remus had thought that he was dreaming.
Remus picked up his quill again and got a fresh sheet of parchment. Dove, he began again before promptly crossing it out. A new piece of parchment. Y/N, he started again. Y/N. Y/N. Y/N. He missed saying her name. When the squeeze in his chest got too tight to ignore, he set his quill down and rested his forehead against his desk and closed his eyes. He had hurt her so terribly, the person he loved. And Remus resented himself for it. He didn't have the right to call her cariad or dove or darling or anything anymore. He didn't have the right to wallow in pity. He didn't have the right to try to fix things when she so clearly didn't want him anymore.
"Remus Lupin," a voice snapped sharply as the door to the dormitory flew open with a boom. "How could you—"
“Lily!” James blurted in clear alarm. "Lily, what are you doing here?"
"I'm here because you lot have really gone too far this time," Lily seethed, her eyes as fiery as her hair as she stalked into the room. "Remus, I thought you were better than this! Y/N hasn't—"
"Lily!" James jumped to his feet in a rare show of courage against the witch. He let out a nervous laugh, but to his credit, stood firm even as Lily rounded on him. “You’re making him feel worse!”
For a moment, Lily turned on James, an incredulous expression on her face before her gaze slid over to Remus, who still hadn’t looked up during the exchange. She faltered, her scowl softening as her gaze darted back to James who gave her an encouraging nod. But then the fiery-haired girl straightened. “He should feel bad,” she admonished, though the venom had begun to dissipate from her voice. 
“And he does,” Sirius supplied helpfully from his corner of the room. “Moony hasn’t really, er, moved or spoken in days, really. We’re all getting concerned.”
"Well neither has Y/N," Lily grumbled, though her tone was beginning to soften rapidly.
This caught his attention. Remus lifted his head to look at her. "Has she been taking care of herself?"
Lily narrowed her eyes at him, a crease forming between her brow as she looked at him assessingly. "Have you been taking care of yourself?"
Remus didn't say anything to this as he turned to rummage through his desk. "Will you make sure she eats and sleeps properly?" He said before finding the stack of parchment he had been looking for.
"It took me nearly an hour to get her to understand that I wasn't a part of the mess you had created," Lily said, though not harshly. Remus ignored the look of pity in her eyes as he busied himself with cobbling together a few more sheets of parchment. "I think you should be the one making sure she's alright."
At this, he paused to look down at the parchment. “She doesn’t want to be in the same room as me, let alone speak with me,” Remus pointed out, his voice unsteady. In a quieter voice, he added, “She can’t even stand looking at me.”
The room fell silent. Then finally, Lily spoke up again. "Fine. I'll check up on her but not for you, but because I'm her friend. And if you ever considered her at least a friend, you ought to do it too sometime and have a proper conversation with her."
Remus bit the inside of his cheek as he turned to proffer the stack of parchment to Lily. "Can you also give these notes to her? It's for Ancient Runes. I charmed the handwriting so she won't know it's from me, but—"
"Remus," Lily sighed, but took the notes anyways as she looked down at his desk curiously before sitting down on the edge of his bed. A pause. Remus could feel her eyes seeing right through him. "Were you ever going to tell her?"
Remus tried not to look like he was unraveling. "I don't know," he admitted honestly. "I wanted to and I didn't want to all at once all the time."
He had thought about telling her before. But to do so meant that he would have to tell her about his condition, and that had sent him into a stricken spiral every time he had thought about it. He had thought that if he told her, she would look at him differently, with pity or repulsion in her eyes. He had been so afraid, so, terrified, of that look that every time the truth nearly bubbled out of his throat, he'd choke on it. But now Remus knew that the worse thing wasn't that she would look at him like he was a monster. It was that she wouldn't look at him at all.
It had always felt like he was running on stolen time, but each grain of sand in their hourglass had felt so startling incandescent that it had been easy to pretend that they weren't trapped in a fragile glass of his own making.
Every moment he had thought to tell her, she would turn and look at him with such fond adoration that Remus would swallow the words back in. She always made for such an arresting sight that Remus felt his breath still as affection would bloom so violently, so dizzingly, so distractingly, in his chest that it became hard to say anything at all.
He was distracted by the way little crinkles would form on her nose when she was thinking too hard. He was distracted by the way he could hear her smile in her words. He was distracted by the way she breathed and walked and loved, slow and steady, to a silent metronome.
And the honest truth was that Remus was more than happy to be distracted by her.
— — — — —
When Remus woke up from a dreamless sleep the morning after the full moon, he found himself, predictably, in a bed in the Infirmary. It must have only been dawn — he could tell the room was still dim behind his eyelids as he did his mental check of his limbs. No new scars please, he thought wryly once he confirmed all his limbs were in place, albeit sore and strained. Remus sighed. Then came the more dreaded question.
"Did anyone get hurt?" He asked, his voice hoarse from his transformation.
He expected one of the boys to respond, but when no response came, his eyes flew open in a panic. They normally stayed the night in the Infirmary to get their checkup from Madam Pomfrey — Remus knew they were just there to keep him company, though they always deflected when he tried to usher them back to the dorms — and they were normally the first to assure him that no one had gotten hurt. Alarmed, Remus sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed hastily to look around, his joints groaning in protest.
"Are you hurt?" A voice next to him asked.
He was dreaming again.
Y/N was sitting in a chair next to his bed, alarm quickly breaking through the remnants of the sleepiness that clung onto her eyes as she scanned him hastily as if to ensure he was still in one piece. There was an imprint of his blanket on her cheek. Remus's fingers twitched to rub it when she spoke up again. "Should I call Madam Pomfrey?"
So it wasn't a dream.
At the sobering realization, Remus shook his head hastily. "No, I, uh, I'm fine," he said, the words faltering on his lips. Suddenly he felt very seen. He had never wanted her to see him after a transformation, especially not then, when he was all fresh scars and worn bones. He felt like a shell of himself. "What are you doing here?" He asked quietly, fixing his gaze on his hands and noticing a new scar across the back of his hand, still red and shallow. He couldn't quite look at her now as shame and mortification flooded his system.
For the first time in his life, he wished she wasn't looking at him.
"You guys normally come back earlier on full moons," she said, still looking at him. "I was worried that..." She fell silent. So she had even known their schedule, he despaired.
"I see," Remus said tightly, feeling drained.
When he didn't say anything else, she spoke up again tentatively. "Sirius told me to tell you that no one got hurt—"
Chagrin and shame roiled in his stomach as he stared at the new scar on his hand. "You can go back now," he interrupted, grasping the blanket tightly. He wished she wasn't looking at him, he wished that he didn't have a new scar, he wished that the floor would just open up and swallow him whole.
He wished this was all just a bad dream.
"I'll go if you want me to go," she said quietly. Remus couldn't tell what expression she was making because he couldn't bare to look at her. Pity, fear, disgust. He was sure he'd never recover if she was looking at him like that— "But I... I don't want to go."
His gaze darted from his hands to her face. She was biting on the inside of her cheek, her eyes wide and imploring and distracting. Slowly, it became easy to breathe again. The imprint of the blanket was fading from her cheek. Remus still wanted to rub it off.
"Okay," he acquiesced, the word coming out as a soft breath. She relaxed back into the chair. "I never wanted you to see me like this," he murmured quietly, feeling all too cracked open under her gaze.
"Remus," she began, also whispering as if not to break the fragile peace between them. His heart stuttered dangerously at the sound of his name from her lips, but he shouldered forward, adamant to not let himself start dreaming again.
"Have you... been well?" Remus asked, first as a deflection before he took in the shadows on her face. It was like once he started, he couldn't stop. "Have you been eating properly and sleeping enough—"
"Remus," she said again, this time more urgently and softly. "I got your letters."
Remus paused, his dry throat clicking as he swallowed. "So you knew the notes were from me," he murmured, rubbing at the base of his neck. "Sorry, I thought they would help, but I'll stop if you're uncomfortable—"
"No, I mean, I got your letters," she said, reaching into her book bag.
To his horror, she pulled out a stack of parchment. Some of them had were heavily creased from being balled up, but someone had carefully straightened them and piled them up. "You weren't supposed to see those," he blurted, mortified now. "I threw those away."
"I know," she said, her gaze fixed on the letters. They weren't really letters at all — he had never been able to get past how to address her. He could catch glimpses of his chicken scratch handwriting. Y/N. Dove. My sweet girl. Cariad. My love. Cariad. Cariad. Y/N. Y/N. Y/N. "Lily gave them to me. She also gave me this—" Carefully, Y/N pulled another familiar piece of parchment from her bag. This one was filled and messy with different colored inks across time.
Remus's mouth went dry. He didn't need to look at it to know what it was because he had it memorized.
Ketchup and pepper with eggs (prefers sunny-side up)
Three younger brothers
Likes mum's knitted sweater the most -> owl mum how she did it??
No favorite color, but it's probably green and yellow??
Needs a midday nap most days
Likes long skirts (or is it because I complimented it?)
Y/N is Sisyphus and the question of orange juice or apple juice is the rock
Peonies
Chocolate frogs (non-jumping)
Always needs hair ties -> ask Lily if Hogsmeade has any
Tea = 3 sugars, lots of milk (prefers juice though)
Give notes for Ancient Runes
Find out if there are hair tying charms
Jane Austen
Christmas ideas: skirts, cat, necklace, journal, hair ties
"You weren't supposed to see that," he said again dumbly.
"I know," she said again. A pause. "I believe you."
Remus's head snapped up to see that she was looking at him. He was dreaming again. He shook himself out of it. "No, you don't have to," he said hastily.
"No, Remus, I believe you that it was real," she said, her words choppy as she wrung her hands together. He wanted to reach out and cover her hand with his but instead he sat perfectly still. "But I— But I was so hurt by you," she whispered.
"I'm so sorry," he said with every fiber of his being. "I was afraid and selfish and I hurt you and there's no forgiving that."
"But Remus," she said, looking up at him finally. "I've missed you. I miss you so much and I don't know what to do—" Her voice cracked. Remus felt like something in him cracked open again.
"Oh, cariad," he breathed. "Can I—" He faltered, but miraculously, she picked up on what he meant. Wordlessly, she surged into his arms and for the first time in weeks, he felt like he could breathe again. "I'm so sorry, my sweet girl," he murmured into her hair as he breathed in her familiar scent. "If... if you'll have me again, can we start over?"
"Only if it's for real this time," she mumbled into his shoulder with a dry huff of a laugh as she clutched him back. God, he missed her laugh.
He pressed a kiss against her temple, the first of many. "It's real. Very real."
Remus prayed he wasn't dreaming anymore.
— — — — —
a/n: thanks for reading :^) would love to hear thoughts! my masterlist here
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captain-mj · 12 days
Text
Bad dog
Been a while since I did something with muzzles and had an idea
Ghost had come back from a very successful mission, the captured creature had been locked away and catalogued. Another win for him and the fucking scientists.
He lit a cigarette and watched the... things in their rooms and cells. The scientists assured them that none were human, but he wasn't sure he completely believed them. Some were very good at mimicking people.
His personal favorite was A21987028. Or Soap. Scientists liked spouting off that long string of numbers, but Ghost preferred the nickname given. It was like how the dog like creature in cell 483 was named "Riley" because of the collar it had on when it was found. And while yes, she was a little maneater, Ghost still snuck her biscuits and things to eat and she liked him better.
Soap was interesting. Brimming with intelligence, perfectly mimicking a Scottish man, and friendly.
Ghost went to his room and sat with him, likely he usually did. He sat across from him and Soap perked up. The brown leather across his face was the only grim reminder of what he was. Otherwise, he looked normal. Even his clothes were nice, of the latest fashion.
"Hello, Simon." Soap said with a smile, teeth flashing under the brown leather. Same one Riley wore. Same one everything in this building wore but the guards. "Come to chat?"
Ghost shifted, legs spreading to fill out the chair. He looked at Soap. "Another mission. Caught a thing that looks like a mix between a raccoon and a sparrow. Its wings are too small to fly."
"How did you catch it?"
Ghost had speared it like a fish and held it down, blade causing yellow blood to gush out until it had the good sense to stop fighting. He had thrown it in the cage and heard the useless wing snap.
"Used one of those loops on the poles. It hooked around it's neck and i dropped it in the cage. No harm, no foul."
Soap nodded and walked over. There were strict rules on most of the creatures, but Soap was different. Intelligent enough to know that fighting back was futile. Friendly enough to be able to play nice. In the fifteen years there, he had never once caused an incident.
The muzzle stayed, so did the chains around his ankles, but his hands were freed. His room decorated. Books were given to him. A tv. He had plenty of enmities.
Ghost still felt guilty. If he could, he'd let Soap leave. But Soap was not truly Soap. He was A21987028. A thing that had appeared out of the sky and ate flesh.
For now though, it wasn't feeding time. Ghost could be here, with him. In this space.
Soap leaned down and brushed the muzzle against Ghost's mask. Like an animal.
"Simon. Do they listen to our conversations?"
"Don't necessarily listen, but they do record them. If there was ever a need, they'd review them. But you won't do that. You're a good boy." Ghost meant it as a joke. A fucked up version of one, but a joke.
Soap looked at him, that brilliant blue was wrong. It happened occasionally. Soap wouldn't look like Soap. He'd look like someone or something else. Usually they were so subtle, Ghost would be unsure if they really even happened.
"Shame. Sometimes, I want to tell you things. Tell you secrets. But I can't. Things listen."
Ghost had no doubts in his mind that Soap didn't mean the microphones.
"I apologize, Soap. Lights out soon, I'm on night duty."
"Will you come say hi to me as you pass?" That wasn't what Soap really wanted. He wanted Ghost to sneak him food.
“Maybe.” Ghost smiled at him.
Soap brightened considerably. “I’ll wait for you.” He smiled and went around the room, a sway to it.
Ghost left, as always, wondering what Soap would feel like if they could touch without his gloves between them. He’d show Soap the sun. The moon.
Instead, he had to have a picture of them on the wall.
Ghost thought of the dozens of documentaries over space and human history and war. Soap requested to have a documentary over bombs, but they denied him immediately.
He'd do wonders in the human world. But it wasn't human. It was hard to remember that at times.
Ghost made sure before he went back by Soap that he had a candy bar to slip into his cell. A candy bar that was grabbed by a hand with too many fingers.
"Simon?"
"Yes, Soap?"
Soap looked at him, eyes glowing enough so Ghost would surely see him. "I appreciate the time we spend we spend together."
Ghost smiled at him and he could tell, despite the mask, that Soap could see. He pulled away and kept walking through the yard. Creatures tried to get his attention. All hoping that he'll be the one to slip up and let them free.
The night ended like all nights ended. With him turning into his own bed in a different barracks. With Simon laying down and remembering that he's doing good for the world.
He couldn't have been asleep long when the alarms went off. He assumed it was Protocol L at first, a common break they had was that particular one. But then he heard the numbers that followed and realized more than just one had escaped. He grabbed his gun and checked his gear, happy he hadn't taken much of it off, and got out the door.
Ghost put the majority of the creatures back in their cages, safe and sound. Most were intimidated by him, despite being able to grow much bigger than him.
Then his gun came face to face with Soap.
The muzzle was still securely on, but the chains had been broken. "Simon. Don't make me hurt you."
"Think you have the nerve?"
"Come with me. We can go somewhere else. Somewhere just the two of us." Soap grabbed his hand and moved closer. "I promise, I'm really not like the others. I don't want to hurt you.""
Ghost put his gun under Soap's chin. They had about five minutes to leave. "How can I trust it? How do I know you weren't playing the long con?"
"You know me. You love me. i love you. Let's go." Soap squeezed his hand tight. "Please. I want to see the world. See everything."
Ghost squeezed his hand back and made a decision.
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ninjaturtlemaniac · 5 months
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Part 1 Trolls Headcanons/ Theories/ Thoughts/ Ideas
Part2 Part3 Part4 Part5 Part6 Part7 Part8 Part9 Part10
Trolls - in general Trolls are pretty rare outside their usual kingdoms and it's considered good luck to meet one.
Brozone - drastically changed their looks coz they hate that they used to dress the same.
Bruce - one of those dads who would get a new barbeque and show off all the cool features to the other local dads.
Bruce - "No kids, we're not keeping that stray animal, end of story, no way..." - 1 week later and he's giving it kisses and building it an over the top kennel with a heated blanket and a water fountain.
Bruce - (canon?) carried all their eggs, indirect reason why his hair is so big. (Side note - I read somewhere someone called all their kids 'The Bakers Dozen' and I frigging love that)
Floyd - solo career after he left Brozone - all his songs were PINK FLOYD SONGS! (Maybe that could've been his stage name?)
Floyd - his hair is naturally pink but JD made him make it redder because 'we're a boyband and pink is a girls colour'
John Dory - has embarrassing baby pictures of his brothers as leverage
John Dory - over-exaggerates his retellings of stories "I fought off 30 no no no 40 snakes with one hand behind my back."
John Dory - always casually asking Poppy, Brandy and Viva to marry him, over small things too "Brandy, these pancakes are delicious, marry me."
Clay - writes long and very detailed critical reviews of restaurants
Clay - has reading glasses. Probably the ones that attach magnetically at the nose ridge.
Clay - labels everything (labelmaker is to Clay as Gary is to Branch)
Clay - very into color coded itineraries and always know everyone's business "Poppy is currently at Smidge's pod doing her hair" "How could you possibly know that?" "I have my sources."
Clay - also a notary and registered marriage celebrant
Clay - hair was always naturally green but JDs hair was already green. JD said he had to be yellow for the band, they needed that color coordinated group vibe.
Clay - has drafts for his own book series
Clay - actually plays golf
Clay - gets clumsy when trying to impress someone he admires (imagine him meeting King Peppy and he just knocks things over)
Clay - competitive af - brothers know better than to verse him at anything - has an over the top victory dance
Viva - that concept art of tiny Viva is the age she was when they escaped the Troll Tree. So like 15 maybe?
Viva - wants to make up for all the missed holidays/birthdays/parties with Poppy so she is constantly popping out from places with gifts yelling SURPRISE!
Branch - for Pop Trolls - being in a famous singing group is the equivalent of being a recognized expert in your field. So the fact that Branch is in TWO famous boy bands is like he has several PhDs.
Branch - Kismet formed inside a group home for Trollings
Poppy and Vivas mother - my theory is that they managed to keep princess Viva a secret from the Bergens. They chose the Queen for Trollstice when they discovered what they thought was her first egg. The Troll Tree escape plan came about when Chef promised the new royal trolling for the young Bergen prince.
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zeldasnotes · 1 year
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MASTERLIST 3🪸MASTERLIST 1 MASTERLIST 2
KO-FI☕️
Non astro related posts:
Important advice for my young followers
Friendship Advice
Make people respect you
Common manipulation tactics
Readings
See what different kind of readings I do and prices HERE
Prices: Asteroid Readings
Reading: What do people find attractive about you?
Fama Persona Chart Reading
Book your own beauty analysis!
Info about what you get in a birth chart reading
Info about what you get in a synastry reading
BOOK VIA DM OR KO-FI!
Reviews
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 11 14 15 16 17 18
Astro Observations
Random Observations: 24 25 26 27 28 29 30
MY RISING SIGN POST
How to attract the Venus signs
The Sun Signs: Based on people Ive met
Guide: How to guess someone rising sign
The Power of Pluto: What makes you powerful?
Placements that makes people addicted to you
Scary Observations
Pluto Aspects: The first things people notice about you
Sexy Notes Sexy Notes 2 Sexy Notes 3
Sociopathy & Narcissism in the chart
Scorpio in the houses & what you are afraid of
What do you look good in?
The Astrology Of Beauty Pageant Queens
Mars In The Signs
Mars: Whats Your Name?
Appearance Notes
Appearance Notes 2
Venus Square Ascendant
Degree Observations
Square Observations
Celebrity Related
The most followed male and female on instagram: Christiano Ronaldo & Kylie Jenner
Birth Chart Analysis: Traci Lords
Whats in the chart of an extremely well liked person?
In the charts of lookalikes: What do the charts have in common?
Beauty Analysis: Marilyn Monroe
Planets in the houses
Venus in the houses
Venus in the houses: what your placement makes me think of.
Inner planets in the 8th house
Sun in the 8th house
Venus in the 8th house
8th house struggles
Synastry
SYNASTRY MASTERLIST
True Crime Analysis
Asteroid Analysis: Jeffrey Dahmer
Natal Chart Analysis: Karla Homolka
Synastry Analysis: Jaycee Dugard & Philip Garrido
Whats in the chart of a master manipulator?
Asteroids in synastry: Anne Perry & Pauline Parker
Natal Chart Analysis: Anne Perry
Natal Chart Analysis: Idi Amin (dictator)
Asteroids
LIST OF INTERESTING ASTEROIDS
CAREER ASTEROID
Asteroid Notes 7
Greek asteroids
Aphrodite(1388)
Medusa(146)
Nemesis(128) in the signs: Your enemies
Fama(408) observations
Disturbing Asteroid Observations
Beauty Asteroids: Whats in the chart of a Victorias Secret Model?
Wealth Asteroids: Whats in the chart of a billionaire?
Lilith
LILITH IN THE HOUSES
Lilith in the houses 2
Lilith Opposite ASC & Lilith Square MC
Sun conjunct Lilith
Lilith in the houses: pros & cons
Lilith aspecting Sun, Moon & Ascendant
Lilith Observations: 6
Chiron
CHIRON IN THE HOUSES
Venus conjunct Chiron
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mariclerc · 1 month
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A project of love | ls2
Summary: where you have to do a project with your crush and you try not to fall for him.
Warning: none.
a/n: requested and dedicated by @bananaleclerc I hope you like it!! And yes, I need a break from posting so much 😂😂
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You're hunched over a textbook at a library table, surrounded by scattered notes and a half-eaten granola bar. Just then Logan enters the library, a whirlwind of energy and a backpack overflowing with what looks like every microbiology textbook ever written.
He slammed his books down next to you. “Hey there, study buddy! Ready to conquer the microscopic world?”
You jump a little, startled. He flashes a dazzling smile. “Uh, yeah, hi Logan. I was just... uh... reviewing.” You say, trying to sound casual.
“Awesome! Me too. Though, to be honest, my brain feels like it's about to explode from all these bacteria names.” He pulls out a chair dramatically and sits down. “Did you get a chance to look at the project outline Professor Davies sent? Apparently, we're germ-fighting partners!”
Your stomach flips. Internally screaming, you manage a smile. “Yeah, I saw it. Partnered up, huh? Makes sense, I guess.”
“Definitely! We balance each other out, right? You with your quiet genius vibe, and me... well, I bring the enthusiasm.”
You laugh nervously, a blush creeping up your cheeks.
“I wouldn't call myself a genius, but hopefully, I can keep up with your... enthusiasm.”
“Oh, you will, trust me. So, what do you think? Should we start with some foundational stuff, or dive straight into the exciting world of, like, antibiotic resistance?” he grins.
You take a deep breath, trying to focus. “Maybe foundational stuff first? That way, we're both on the same page when we get to the more complex topics.”
”Sounds like a plan! But hey, don't worry about keeping up. Like I said, I'm basically a walking microbiology encyclopedia. Just ask away if you get lost.”
You nod, but your mind is racing. Trying to focus on the project feels impossible now that you're so close to him.
You clear your throat. “Okay, so... cell walls of bacteria... what were we talking about those in lecture?”
Logan launches into an explanation, peppered with jokes and pop culture references. You try to concentrate, but all you can think about is the way his eyes light up when he talks about something he's passionate about.
Later, after a productive study session, you're packing your things.
“So, should we meet again tomorrow? Same time, same place?”
You feel your heart pounding. “Uh, yeah, sure. Sounds good.”
“Great! Hey, you seem a little quiet today. Everything alright?” he asks softly.
You force a smile. “Yeah, no, I'm just... tired, I guess... All this studying.”
“Studying can be draining! But hey, at least we're suffering together, right?” He winks at you. “See you tomorrow, germ fighter!”
He flashes another smile and throws you a peace sign before walking off. You sigh, a mix of frustration and a secret thrill bubbling in your chest. Studying with Logan might be the most nerve-wracking, yet strangely fun, experience of your university career so far.
You watch him disappear into the library crowd, a bittersweet pang in your chest.
You mutter to yourself. “Germ fighter, huh? More like heartbreaker.”
You gather your things, a sudden wave of determination washing over you. You like Logan, a lot. But you can't let that distract you from the project. You take a deep breath and head out of the library, a plan forming in your mind.
***
The next day, you arrive at the study table a few minutes early. You've spent the morning making flashcards – not just on microbiology, but also on Logan's interests you've gleaned from his conversation snippets. Genetics? Check. Obsession with the movie "The Andromeda Strain"? Double check.
He bursts in, a little late and slightly out of breath.
“Sorry I'm late! Professor Davies got us sidetracked talking about her research on bioluminescent bacteria. Apparently, there's a kind that glows neon green – can you believe it?” He says hurriedly, making you laugh a little, just then he notices the flashcards on the table. “Whoa, flashcards? You serious?”
You nod smiling, not as nervously as yesterday. “Just thought they might help us remember all this complex stuff. Besides, I found some fun facts related to the topics we need to cover. Maybe a little trivia can keep things interesting?”
His eyes wide at your words. “You got fun facts about bacteria? Okay, you officially win coolest study partner ever! Shoot, let's hear one.”
You pick up a flashcard and grin. Maybe studying with Logan won't be so bad after all. Maybe you can find a way to balance your academic focus with a sprinkle of something more.
***
The following week becomes a whirlwind of flashcards, late-night library sessions fueled by takeout, and a slow, simmering tension between you and Logan. Your knowledge of bacteria trivia becomes legendary, earning you surprised yet impressed glances from Logan. He, in turn, starts bringing coffee (with extra whipped cream for you, which you secretly adore) and peppering the study sessions with personal anecdotes, revealing a surprisingly deep and caring side beneath his bubbly exterior.
One rainy afternoon, hunched over a microscope analyzing bacterial cultures, Logan asks. “Hey, you ever wonder what those bioluminescent bacteria actually look like in real life?”
You glance up, surprised by the sudden seriousness in his voice. “Not really.” you admit, “but Professor Davies said she has some under a special microscope in her lab. Maybe we could ask if we could take a peek after our next class?”
He grins, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Perfect... We can make it a little research adventure.”
The stolen glance you share sparks a warmth in your chest, a silent acknowledgement that this is more than just a study session. The next day, after you convince a hesitant Professor Davies to let you glimpse the glowing bacteria, you find yourselves alone in the dimly lit lab.
As you peer through the microscope, Logan leans closer, his shoulder brushing yours. “Wow.” he whispers, “they're incredible.”
You hum in agreement, captivated by the tiny emerald lights dancing before your eyes. The silence stretches, charged with unspoken emotions. You can feel the heat radiating from him, his breath tickling your ear.
Suddenly, the lab door bursts open, revealing Professor Davies returning from her meeting. You and Logan jump apart, both cheeks flushing a deep red.
“Did you get to see them?” she asks cheerfully.
“Yes, Professor,” you stammer a little bit, “they're amazing!”
As the week progresses, the air between you crackles with a new awareness. You find yourself stealing glances at Logan as he talks, your heart skipping a beat when he laughs at one of your jokes.
During a particularly frustrating attempt at culturing E. coli, you blurt out, “Ugh, these bacteria are so stubborn!”
“Hey,” Logan says softly, placing a hand on yours, “we'll figure it out together... Like always.”
His touch sends a jolt through you, and you meet his gaze, your eyes locked in a silent conversation. In that moment, you both know this partnership has become something more, a budding connection waiting to bloom amidst the petri dishes and microscopes.
The shared look hangs heavy in the air, the frustration of the stubborn E. coli forgotten. Logan's hand lingers on yours, his thumb gently brushing against your skin. You can feel the warmth radiating from him, and a blush creeps up your neck.
“Maybe,” he starts, his voice a low rumble, “we should take a break from these little buggers. Grab some coffee, clear our heads?”
You nod mutely, your heart pounding a frantic rhythm against your ribs. Stepping out of the lab, the rain has stopped, leaving the air fresh and clean. As you walk side-by-side, a comfortable silence settles between you. You steal a glance at Logan, his profile sharp against the setting sun.
Reaching the familiar coffee shop you frequent, you order your usual, Logan opting for his favorite with extra whipped cream (a detail that makes your stomach flutter with a strange mix of amusement and affection). Settling into a quiet corner booth, you both sip your drinks, the tension still simmering beneath the surface.
“Thanks for sticking with this project,” Logan says, his gaze fixed on you. “It wouldn't have been nearly as fun without you.”
A shy smile graces your lips. “It wouldn't have been so bad with you either.”
He leans closer, his eyes searching yours. The air crackles with unspoken desire. In a voice barely above a whisper, he asks, “Can I do something?”
Your breath catches in your throat. You nod hesitantly, a shiver running down your spine. He closes the distance between you, his hand cupping your cheek. His touch is soft, sending a jolt of electricity through you.
The kiss is tentative at first, a brush of lips that sends a wave of heat through your body. But then, something shifts. He deepens the kiss, his hand moving to cradle your head, tilting it for better access. You melt into him, the taste of coffee and something uniquely Logan swirling on your tongue.
The kiss is brief, broken by a gasp for air. He leans his forehead against yours, his chest rising and falling with each ragged breath. Your eyes flutter open to meet his, a goofy grin plastered across his face.
“Wow,” he breathes, a mixture of awe and amusement in his voice.
You can only manage a shaky smile, your heart overflowing with a mix of exhilaration and nervousness. The world seems to tilt on its axis, and for a moment, only you and Logan exist in this small corner of the coffee shop.
As you pull back and smile, a newfound confidence sparks within you... Maybe this partnership, born amidst bacteria and microscopes, could blossom into something more. And you, for one, are eager to see where it leads.
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Fictional Notes and Letters
                Notes, journal entries, lost letters, a book tucked into the back corner of the store—written hints and exposition can show up in storytelling across many forms. Given how useful and easy as it is to divulge information through perfectly scattered journal entries or a conveniently timed newspaper article this form of sharing information is a common trope across storytelling. Because of this, it can feel cheap or unearned.
                So here’s how to use written hints without making your readers feel cheated:
Don’t overuse it
Unfortunately this is the long and the short of it. The more information you have through written mediums, the less realistic or earned it will feel. If you can, keep this trope down to once or twice in a piece. If you can convey that information another way, choose that instead.
2. Create purpose behind its creation
Not only does the writing have to have the relevant information you need to convey, but it has to have a purpose for existence. Remember that people write notes to remember something, something they’d be likely to forget. If you can’t think of a reason someone would need to remember (or would believe they might forget) a piece of information, don’t convey it on a note. Journals are made to review someone’s day or emotions, it’s unlikely someone would journal about the government’s secrets (and even more so, scatter the pages around in an order for the protagonists to find to pace out said information—I’m sorry, I’m throwing just a little bit of shade at the indie horror community ;))
                If it’s not news worthy, it shouldn’t be in the news, etc. and so on. Think about why your written material was created, and by who, and how it ended up where it did.
3. Place it behind a barrier
This is a bit of a sneaky trick, but hiding your written hint behind an ‘effort wall’ is going to make it feel so much more earned to gain. Maybe the journal they’re looking for is within a locked desk, and the characters have to break in to get it. The sticky note with the password is in the suit pocket of the antagonist (they just happened to leave at the dry cleaner that morning). The binder of secrets is behind three security guards and a locked door.
                Any effort your protagonists have to make to gain the information is so much better than just happening to find it, and could trick readers into believing the information was more difficult to gain than it was.
4. Don’t make it too convenient
Lastly, make sure the characters don’t just learn what they were looking for, but a little bit less, and a little something else. If they need to know exactly who was at the party in 2005, maybe they don’t find a list of names, but rather a photo album of people they then have to do a bit more work to identify. The written hint should be that—a hint, a start of a greater solution. If it’s the end, a lot more effort should have come before.
                Good luck!
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alonelystargazer · 1 month
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ItaFushi Fic Rec List
I've compiled a list of my current favorite ItaFushi fics, both completed and in progress!
Completed Works
Perfect Shots [Rated T, 25k words, 7 chapters, AU]
Megumi works as a barista and Yuji is a photagrapher. It's so sweet.
A Cat in Hell's Chance [Rated T, 21k words, 2 chapters, AU]
Adult ItaFushi. Yuji has a cat named Sukuna and takes him to the vet and it happens to be Megumi, his high school crush. Gojo plays wingman. Antics ensue.
Twitch Streamer Yuuji and Youtuber Megumi [Rated T, 43k words, 8 chapters, AU]
Yuji is a twitch streamer who gushes about his secret crush on this book review youtuber named Megumi to his huge audience and everyone is trying to figure out who it is and hopefully get them to meet. Megumi doesn't know anything about this, but his friend Nobara gets him to watch Yuji's streams and gets a crush on him, not knowing he's the object of Yuji's affection.
I want to renew you again and again [Rated T, 14.8k words, 5 chapters]
Yuji and Megumi help each other tend to their wounds, and their hair, while navigating their feelings in the aftermath of the Shibuya Incident.
The Unbearable Weight of Being Itadori Yuji [Rated T, 6k words]
In the aftermath of the Shibuya Incident, Yuji distances himself from Megumi, but Megumi isn't having it, and they both share in the guilt and suffering.
heart on my sleeve [Rated G, 2k words]
Megumi helps Yuji with wound care.
i will always choose you [Rated M, 5.6k words, AU]
Yuji and Megumi have a movie date night, ft. Choso
Your Heartbeat is My Comfort [Rated T, 1.2k words]
Megumi wants to protect Yuji from the cruel world that brought him so much pain and grief. Listening to his heartbeat grounds him.
traditions [Rated T, 6.8k words]
Megumi is completely smitten with Yuji and every day it's getting harder for him to not combust. Every Saturday, he and Yuji have movie night, and his feelings grow even more.
Sweet Tooth [Rated T, 21.6k words, 5 chapters, AU]
While walking his dogs, Megumi literally runs into a handsome stranger named Yuji and gets a crush on him.
that's the spirit! [Rated G, 9.2k words, 2 chapters]
Megumi gets an unlikely wingman, the ghost of his father.
save your love (for someone like me) [Rated T, 11k words, AU]
College AU where Megumi gets a crush on his best friend Yuji, but it seems like Yuji is interested in another guy, and he gets jealous.
living and dying without regrets [Rated T, 18.3k words, canon divergence]
Nobara asks Yuji for advice on how to ask out Maki, thinking that he and Megumi have been dating. Fake dating ensues.
question marks [Rated T, 3.5k words]
Megumi gets a letter with a love confession on it from Yuji by mistake.
fragile [Rated T, 5.8k words]
Megumi gets hit with a curse that makes him respond with only the truth when asked. It's hard to keep from spilling his secret crush.
miss you in the june gloom [Rated T, 1.6k words]
Megumi has to watch Yuji die and doesn't know how to deal with the unrequited feelings.
To Y, Happy V-Day, Love M [Rated T, 4.9k words, AU]
Yuji wants to give Megumi a romantic Valentine's Day, but Megumi isn't exactly the romantic type. It doesn't help that Megumi has to work that day.
i never would have known from the look on your face [Rated T, 5.6k words]
Yuji keeps asking Megumi out as a joke, until it doesn't become a joke anymore.
i like you (say it back) [Rated T, 4.7k words]
Megumi doesn't realize his shikigami have been activated, but notices that they only appear when Yuji is around.
In Progress Works
and i've been trying not to feel it [Rated T, 56.4k words, 9 chapters, AU]
Megumi goes to a college party where he meets Yuji, who he immediately finds attractive but is extremely annoyed by it. He must content with his feelings the closer he becomes to Yuji.
dancing with a stranger [Rated T, 10.8k words, 5 chapters]
Megumi is a ballet dancer who has to take a hip-hop dance class to complete his credits. He struggles with the new style of dance, and his growing feelings for his tutor Yuji.
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islerouxsims · 18 days
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DIZZY ISY SAVE FILE VERSION 8
Hello Dizzy Isy fans! I'm absolutely thrilled to announce the release of Version 8!
The save file is now updated for the FOR RENT pack and Tomarang.
I hope you find a lot of joy in this new version of the save!
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♥ What do you get? ♥
VERSION 1 OF DIZZY ISY (STILL AVAILABLE HERE)
VERSION 2 OF DIZZY ISY (STILL AVAILABLE HERE)
VERSION 3 OF DIZZY ISY (STILL AVAILABLE HERE)
VERSION 4 OF DIZZY ISY (STILL AVAILABLE HERE)
VERSION 5 OF DIZZY ISY (STILL AVAILABLE HERE)
VERSION 6 OF DIZZY ISY (STILL AVAILABLE HERE)
VERSION 7 OF DIZZY ISY (STILL AVAILABLE HERE)
…PLUS…
220 custom clubs and icons (+11 than v.7) with points/rivalries and custom activities.
Lots of details of custom books to find, interesting tombstones, photos with past histories and mysteries etc.
♥ When you enter the save♥
There are 4 empty lots.
There are 20 empty houses (13 starters, 6 under 100k, 1 under 120k). (I have now labelled the starters so it is clearer.)
There are 18 rentals in holiday destinations.
3 new rentals in Tomarang with fleshed out family landlords.
There are now 3 free apartments.
Secret lots in Mt. Komerebi renovated.
Selvadorada and Strangerville adventure/mystery unplayed.
Conservation efforts not completed in Sulani.
Evergreen Harbor has many community project opportunities.
Neighbourhood Stories disactivated.
Voting and Eco Footprints also disactivated.
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___________________________________________________________
It is a busy save file with many lots filled to stop random spawning of townies but the empty lots will soon quickly fill up with townie families if you don’t use them. The townies are clearly marked in the unplayed tab with the #townies so you know who is meant to have a lot and who isn’t.
___________________________________________________________
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♥ What do you need? ♥
❥  ALL THE PACKS apart from Journey to Batuu
❥  Kits used: Fashion Street kit, Incheon Arrivals kit, Desert Luxe and Carnival Streetwear kit
-You can still download this save file without all these packs or kits but some items might be replaced by substitutes, and we all know how those pan out.
❥ 186 MB of free space for this save file.
❥  Zerbu’s More Club Icons Mod (PLEASE DOWNLOAD FIRST!)
(If unavailable to you please download from here)
❥  Rex’s Custom Club Activities Mod (PLEASE ALSO DOWNLOAD BEFORE THE SAVE!)
♥ Recommendations ♥
❥ MC Command Center by Deaderpool.  
❥ No Random Townies by Zero.    
❥ No Random Hats Acessories and Makeup by Bienchens.    
(Anything by Bienshens is amazing and safe to use in my opinion)
♥ How to install? ♥
Make a backup of your Electronic Arts/The Sims 4/Saves folder
Download the file, unzip, and place files in Electronic Arts/The Sims4/Saves.
Open your game, enter the save. It is named “Dizzy Isy Save File By Isleroux and you should see the Koh Saphas as the last played household.
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"The Koh Saphas are heirs to the Sungai Point estate but face a whirlwind of challenges. Kasarinlan manages their property portfolio, while chef Kahilom embarks on managing a restaurant plagued by terrible reviews after a tragic incident involving artist Indigo Ivyloop. With twin girls on the horizon, Indigo's ashes in their posession and the daunting task of salvaging Kahilom's culinary reputation. Will their ambition prove their downfall, or can they turn the tide and savour success?"
___________________________________________________________
DOWNLOAD (SFS) or 
DOWNLOAD (MediaFire)
(REMEMBER TO DOWNLOAD THE CUSTOM CLUB MODS FIRST!!)
**Lastly, if you find joy in the save file and wish to support me, perhaps you could consider buying me a coffee ☕ to help make future updates possible.
It's worth mentioning that despite the immense effort poured into Dizzy Isy over four years, I've chosen not to restrict access to my save files behind any paywall.
To those of you who have already extended your support, your kindness truly means the world to me. I want you to know that I see you, I appreciate you, and I'm grateful for your unwavering dedication, especially to those who have read this far down.**
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Happy simming!  ~isy~ ツ  
@maxismatchccworld
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aeor-is-for-reccing · 2 months
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MODERN AU: A Shadowgast Rec List
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This week, we have modern AU! Check under the cut for a whopping 24 fics that all take place in modern times, and don't forget to comment and kudos if you like them!
LOVE & OTHER ENCHANTMENTS by LivThael (2092, General) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes
An imagined review and synopsis of a movie about a Shadowgast modern-setting bookstore AU.
Reccer says: Hilariously awful, I say with great love, and by that I mean it purposefully and artfully swan dives out of the AU tree and hits every trope on the way down. This was written to be as cursed as possible, and Liv really delivers both that and non-stop laughs. This is clearly a love letter to terrible romcoms, cliché fanfic tropes, and the Shadowgast fandom as a whole. A+ satire, PLEASE read this!
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like 80/20 on the kinsey scale by jakia (2772, Teen) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes
Caleb bangs his hot TA and panics about it the next day. Beau did not sign up for listening to this.
Reccer says: Caleb -- who's only dated women before -- discovers he LOVES the D.
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ask to be unbroken by chaotic_geeky (40038, Teen) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes, Unfinished Cliffhanger
Caleb gets a last minute chance to be a photographer at a big runway event. He meets the star model at the afterparty, and things go from there.
Reccer says: The premise is great, the story is excellent, and the characters are enthralling. It does end on an unfinished cliffhanger, but the beginning is so good it's worth it.
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Fundamental Forces Other Than Gravity by mllekurtz (TheKnittingJedi) (40676, Explicit) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes
How cold, ruthless and lonely Essek Thelyss (a brilliant student with a secret) accidentally makes some friends and falls in love: a Shadowgast college AU.
Reccer says: This is a fantastic college AU! And the characterization is done so well it's phenomenal.
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a smile is more than showing teeth by thought (13642, Teen) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes
"you are welcome in Zadash should that be an option for you," Caleb had written, "and I would be pleased to set aside a few days to work with you in person." Or How to seduce your academic pen pal through basic kindness, stolen sweaters, and books. Mostly books.
Reccer says: This is the start of an incredible AU with two more after it in the series. I love this version of Essek and Caleb falling in love. SO MUCH.
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Paradigm Shift by full_time_dreamer_behold (114291, Teen) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes
Caleb joins a law firm. He meets Essek, the IT manager. Things happen. They fall in love
Reccer says: It's a super sweet slow burn!! Essek and Beau have a really fun dynamic and the budding romance is very satisfying.
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(your face in my hands is) everything good i need by mllekurtz (25884, Mature) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes
Academics Caleb and Essek are nerds and fall in love over the course of a conference
Reccer says: I liked it!
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like colored indigo inscribed with my name by KmacKatie (kmackatie) (30648, Teen) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes
An exploration of tradition, culture, what is worth sacrificing in finding yourself and family. Essek learns how to make a new family.
Reccer says: This is an incredible pic with a lot of beautiful world and culture building set into it. Though I love the idea that Essek knits, I am especially fond of the other handcrafts that the Dynasty may do culturally, and this one does such a great job with it. And the interpersonal relationships are absolutely incredible!
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we learn to live with the pain, mosaic broken hearts by vegabondfirelily (5777, Teen) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes
Sometimes things don't go as planned. Caleb will always be there for Essek, though, even after a life-changing accident. Non-linear narrative, angst with a better ending
Reccer says: I love this pic, even if it makes me cry every time. It is emotional and brilliant.
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the fire kept closest (burns most of all) by Mousecookie (21822, Mature) Reccer's Content Notes: Major Character Death
Takes place on a modern Rumblecusp, Essek and Caleb are volcanologists. Absolutely bonkers genre mashup of scifi disaster thriller ghost story romance that somehow works. There is a MCD warning but it is also tagged as Happy Ending and that does come through!
Reccer says: The writing style is like watching a movie and it made me cry both sad and happy tears.
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Starting with your heart (bright heart) by 2manyboys (9914, Explicit) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes
Essek and Caleb have been taking showers together, but it's totally platonic, they swear
Reccer says: I liked it!
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scene: a shift in tempo by hanap (6790, Teen) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes
Essek, first soloist of Rosohna Ballet, comes across the mountains in an exchange to be Caleb's new partner.
Reccer says: A beautiful fic! I love the way the AU fits our characters so beautifully, and how it honors ballet while also subverting it just a little. Gorgeous!
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A King in Cat's Clothes by royalgreen (1544, Teen) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes
Frumpkin is extremely suspicious of this interloper Essek who keeps visiting Frumpkin's domain (the cat cafe) and sniffing around Frumpkin's human
Reccer says: Frumpkin's POV is utterly hilarious. He is so angry that Essek is sweetly romancing Caleb.
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read between the lines (everything is gradual) by SpottedEnchanse (SpottedEnchants) (3047, General) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes
A series in which Caleb owns a cat cafe. It's amazing.
Reccer says: SpottedEnchanse's writing can do literally no wrong ever. It's like flossing for the brain
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the golden thread around your neck whispered visions of my undoing by MarsBar2019 (191412, Explicit) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes
Essek is the CEO of an arcane tech company in Roshona where Caleb gets a job as his personal assistant.
Reccer says: A tense slow burn that's sexy as hell, one of my favourite fics.
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Sleep, With Benefits by KmacKatie (62272, Explicit) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes
Caleb tries out his coworkers' mattress. That's definitely all and not that he has a major crush on Essek.
Reccer says: I liked it!
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take chances by 06151126 (3021, Teen) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes
Essek left Formula One and came back, but his return isn't going well. He hires Caleb to help.
Reccer says: This is the second work in a series, and the whole thing is wonderful! Well written and honest, it's very cool to see how Essek and Caleb come together over the course.
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Empire of Lights by mllekurtz (TheKnittingJedi) (17215, Explicit) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes
Rosohnans call it the rainy season: a time of humid days, heavy showers, and suffocating heat. Caleb, who feels less and less like a stranger in the city he recently decided to call home, finds it's also a time for revelations.
Reccer says: This is a fantastic, sweet AU of our wizards getting together and I love it.
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A mile high by Mousecookie (545, Mature) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes
Caleb and Essek (try to) get frisky in an airplane lavatory.
Reccer says: It's cute and funny.
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The Kitchen Sink by mousecookie (17126, Mature) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes
Essek is a supermodel and Caleb is a jack-of-all-trades, and they keep meeting in increasingly unlikely circumstances. WIP with 6/12 chapters.
Reccer says: It's funny and the writing style is almost Pratchett-esque at times
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The following fics each received 2 recs each!
Something to Believe in by AwesomeFroggy (108948, Teen) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes
Essek's mother sends him to Nicodranas as punishment, where unbeknownst to her he already has a friend. Jester thinks he'd really get along with her friend Caleb.
Reccer 1 says: I liked it! Reccer 2 says: This is an amazing incredible story! I love it so very much! The story is complete, though it is marked as one chapter left as no epilogue is out. Don't let that stop you from reading! I love every single second of this story so very much.
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I’ve been lost before (and I’m lost again, I guess) by toneofjoy (165k, Explicit) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes
Rock climbing AU! Caleb is the new athlete to the gym and Essek takes over his training. Despite the specter of their pasts, feelings blossom.
Reccer 1 says: It's well written, most of the esoteric climbing stuff is explained well, and I really enjoy their characterizations. There's a good balance between the relationship-building and the climbing part. Reccer 2 says: This is top three Shadowgast stories ever. It's a wild, beautiful, heartfelt ride. It's worth every second of time it takes to read. Also, this will make you want to take up climbing or at least start watching climbing. It's so well written and enjoyable. Everyone should at least give it a try!
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The Secret Romance of Caleb Widogast by Cardinal_Daughter (15680, Explicit) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes
All Caleb wants is a peaceful, romantic weekend alone with his boyfriend. The boyfriend none of his friends know about. Naturally, nothing goes quite as planned.
Reccer 1 says: a sweet and silly story where we get a glimpse of the absolute chaos of a M9 group chat Reccer 2 says: A fantastic AU with a brilliant sequel. I love it!
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coping skills by eldritchmochi (251061, Explicit) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes
BDSM fic for a disabled Essek and the trials he experiences
Reccer 1 says: There is so much good about this WIP! The depiction of both Essek’s disabilities and the kink community are so well done, and the characterization is super fun. Well written and super hot. Reccer 2 says: This is one of the best long fits out there for a modern prompt. It is an absolutely wonderful story, heartfelt and meaningful, and the characters have so much depth. And I'm a sucker for a well written chronic illness/chronic pain Essek, and this one is so realistic it walks the line to uncanny. I love this!
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Aeor is for Lovers is an 18+ Shadowgast Discord server. The above fanfic recommendations were pulled from our community for this weekly event. All fics, unless otherwise specified, will primarily feature Shadowgast. Have any questions about what this is? Check out the FAQ! Next week, we’ll be back with WIPS
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beesmygod · 10 months
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i genuinely do not understand how people in the fiction book writing online community do not die of absolute shame from what they do for a living lol. im not talking abt writing ofc or any kind of artistic pursuit, that would be insane. esp considering i make evil archie for a living.
but specifically this market created entirely by people publishing something they shit out with no effort on amazon who then openly buoy and support other people who simply do not give a shit about the quality of what they make. and its not like it's a secret, they are out in public trading tips with each other that amount to "be fraudulent about the quality of your product to trick unsuspecting rubes into buying what you make" and then congratulating each other when they do
every release is 5 stars (after being inflated by other authors expecting the same favor) until the real reviews come trickling in and reveal that the books are poorly edited or just plain bad. besides it being slimy and underhanded to do so, its also just like. sad. like spiritually, morally lol. i literally cannot imagine having so little pride in what i put my name on and send out into the world to represent me. like now when i see a book with a "specific vibe" (stupid title or AI gen/poorly photoshopped book cover with windows generic fonts) i assume that the person behind it is another dead-eyed soulless husk of a freak who is looking to make "passive income" and not participate in a serious artistic conversation or consideration.
i dont care about peoples fucking tips about making work faster or cheaper. fuck you!!!! take more time and try harder!!
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drchucktingle · 1 year
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Howdy Dr. Chuck! I'm curious why you chose the name "Damascus," both for the book and the place in it? (Of course I know you can't spoil anything, but the process of naming things is one of the most important components of my writing and I'm curious how you went about it).
very good question buckaroo. well i dont want to talk about details of camp damascus book TOO much until buckaroos have received because it is only early readers right now and i would like to give everyone a chance. HOWEVER i can talk in broad strokes with no spoiler way. i will eventually discuss in depth (once book is out i will answer any buckaroo questions) because there are SO MANY LAYERS OF ALLEGORY AND SYMBOLISM to the book and so far i have not yet seen a review that has really touched on this.
i would say there are THREE ways to read the book. one is events on the surface, next is biblical allegory (which i think is easiest to notice) and third is another SECRET ALLEGORY that i am not going to talk about at all just yet but goes very very deep once you notice it. ties WHOLE THING together in entirely new way
anyway as far as biblical allegory i can say this: story of THE ROAD TO DAMASCUS is important story in the bible about SAUL who eventually became apostle PAUL after a conversion on the road to damascus. in sense of bible story this was a biblical conversion of belief. in camp damascus there is a main character named SAUL who is very important to the story and if you are looking for biblical allegory while reading you can keep an eye on him. there are a few other characters who have biblical counterparts but i do not want to give them away. one of these characters you learn their real name at near the end and if you know what to look for and see language from earlier in the book you can nod and think 'whoa okay i know this other biblical story THIS IS ANOTHER METAPHOR.'
i suppose i will finish the answer with this. the actual MAIN ROAD through damascus has a real name would you like to know what it is? (you can look this up yourself). name is STRAIGHT STREET
very curious indeed
anyway that is just one of the metaphor layers i think the THIRD SECRET LAYER (and there are three main characters look at that) that i will keep to myself for a long while is most interesting and detailed. so far no reviewers have talked on this but i think once book gets out into the hands of the buckaroos there will be larger discussions that will be pretty neat.
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