#the last one (technically first) was just me fuckin around trying to get a feel for it <3

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

some alien fish concepts for my headworld. well. one of them. the dragon one! well. one of them-

tiny note that these are not to scale compared to each other <3

#im trying to balance the speculative evolution with THIS IS A MAGIC FANTASY WORLD WEEEEEEEE RANDOM BULLSHIT GO #i like cuttlefish faces but i like fish bodies & i like dunkleosteus fossils/tails #so like... fish with cuttlefish faces!!!! and dunkle-esque face plates! #its not toooo big of a stretch to imagine a world where fish evolved to have face arms #i imagine they're hiding a horrifying exposed jaw in place of a beak <3 #with all the animals ive been making for this world #its.. tough to find a balance between 'these are aliens' and 'i want them to be somewhat similar to earth animals' #recognizable but not carbon copies yk? #vera crafting #worldbuilding #drawing this made me hungry ngl... #its weird i dont like the flavor of most fish. and yet they look so delicious #maybe its my love of salmon... am i part bear... #anyway fish used as heavy inspiration were: arapaima / sunfish / sockeye salmon / trout #the last one (technically first) was just me fuckin around trying to get a feel for it <3 #i gotta draw fish more its so soothing #ohhhh i should add these guys to the size chart for funsies

[taboo-delusion]

So, I just discovered something interesting.

This is a bit of a long one, so bear with me. It's important. Seriously.

I just woke up a few hours ago. My meds are starting to kick in. I was having a very serious and genuine, deep conversation (in-head) and it was... beautiful. It wasn't happy, but it was beautiful. Not the point.

Point is:

I had not had a single fucking intrusive thought today until someone made a noise in the other room.

I am so fucking PISSED OFF

Why my brain refuses to realize that intrusive thoughts CAUSED the good feeling to go away, I have no fucking idea. I've known that for almost a year now, yet my stupid fucking subconscious refuses to change anything it's doing

Before I snap my fucking android phone in half and yeet somebody's face into neptune, I thought I'd share the discovery!!!!

Basically:

MY INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS DID NOT START UNTIL SOMETHING STARTLED ME OUT OF FOCUS

AS I TYPE THIS, I REALIZE THAT INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS -AT LEAST FOR ADHDERS- ARE A SURVIVAL TACTIC.

Elaborating:

When you fall asleep and your heart slows too much, your body does the falling thing to make sure you're still alive.

It's not that intrusive thoughts are *Just* because your brain gets too quiet, It's because your life has never been completely quite before, or -like me- the few times it is quiet, something interrupts. And even if it doesn't piss you off, even if you don't jump like I do, your brain still registers it as not safe.

--

Falling asleep, heart slows a lot-

Body: *Sends adrenaline just to make sure it still actually works.*

Drowning, even mostly unconscious-

Body and brain: *Hold onto that last half-breath even if it feels like you're head is going to explode.*

Going grocery shopping or talking to someone you think is cool-

Brain: *Remembers what it felt like the first time your guardian was indifferent or mean about something that made you happy or calm.*

Things around you actually get quiet-

Brain *Sends a thought you hate just to make sure you're prepared for a sudden problem.*

TDLR 1: Your brain isn't mean on purpose, It's just paranoid and still has a will to live.

Listen. I know I'm just some random dude from a weird blog. But I'm trying to translate, to assist. Maybe somebody else needs this realization as much as I do. I apologize for the yelling earlier. I'm still just as upset, but only at my dumbass subconscious. Now some time has passed, and I have regained self-control.

(I also apologize for the above paragraph, my brain nags for me to do this, but I can't remember why. So:)

I am no psychologist. Here are my qualifications (why you should listen to me):

As my friends call it- "Disturbingly self-aware at all times."

Paranoid Schizophrenic with actual (unrelated) OCD, with years of experience dealing with it- more healthily in recent years.

Philosophy and deep thinking is simply my default. I use metaphors, but everything in this post is entirely literal, ...except the angry threat. (*begrudgingly accepts disappointment*)

I am a fiction writer. I don't know about healing people/first aid, but I know a LOT about how anatomy works, with many deep-dives on the psychology/evolution side.

People irl generally consider me a genius? Idk how to gauge that, IQ tests are irrelevant with this type of... smart?. I've been compared to both Da Vinci and Einstein. So, ...actually that's pretty fuckin' cool- (I AM NOT TRYING TO BRAG! I APOLOGIZE IF IT COMES OFF THAT WAY! I've never put it all down like this, and I'm just surprised and questioning my reputation.)

(Also, I love playing detective, so naturally I call myself Batman XD.)

Autistic; I experience the world, and every situation, from a view without any context.

ADHD: My brain automatically -As a guardian I hate describes- "Can watch three different movies at the same time, all in fast forward, and can keep up with all of them." ... Well, yes, but technically no. Idk if other ADHD people do this, but my brain "connects the dots" so quickly, I end up laughing at jokes I've never heard before the 'punchline', because I've already figured out what you're going to say next.

Now combine all that. I am kicking depression's ass and now I want to help you do the same.

I have only mentioned the relevant things. Please keep in mind that ALL of these have both advantages and disasters. Thank you for your patience and understanding. I am running on four hours of sleep. For the love of whatever, I hope this actually helps someone other than me.

Qualifications are noted because: This is all stuff (and stuff like this) that I am just always casually aware of.

TLDR2: Even if I wasn't trying to help people feel better, Apparently I was born with a nat 20 perception/insight check, so please don't argue that I truly understand what I'm talking about here.

#this is serious #serious #intrusive thoughts #adhd intrusive thoughts #especially adhd #psychology #psychological analogy #human instinct #evolutionary psychology #survival instinct #fighting depression #original content #adhd #it can be done #it can be fixed #mental health #mental illness #mental issues #actually mentally ill #mentally fucked #and still going #so i'll help where i can #and you can't stop me #hope #how to get better #get better #getting better #you're not alone #you're gonna be okay

[aestheticaltcow]

Married Life

Steve Harrington x Reader (technically self-insert but like barely lol)

Just a little fluff starring my favorite Hawkins resident.

Meeting you in college was the best accident Steve had ever made. He’d gotten lost in the main building while looking for his actual class. You sat in the front row of the lecture hall, nose in a book, waiting for class to start. You hadn’t noticed Steve until he sat beside you; you shot him a grin and returned to your book. He casually glanced in your direction throughout the specialized sociology elective. He was enthralled and knew you’d be the next Mrs. Harrington from the moment he saw you.

Your relationship started like any classmate dynamic; he’d asked to borrow a pen or if you knew the time. He’d ask to copy your notes or borrow a piece of paper. By mid-terms, he’d worked up the courage to talk to you about anything other than sociology. “Hey, Y/N, do you wanna study together sometime?” Steve suppressed his overwhelming urge to squeal when you'd agreed to it. 

The two of you sat in the library, reviewing notes for approximately 10 minutes before diving into more interesting topics. He took mental notes of everything you’d said you enjoyed; he’d causally start bringing you coffee or snacks. There was something about Steve you found intriguing and after months of friendship and a string of bad dates on your end. Steve gathered the courage to ask you on a real date. You agreed Steve was a nice guy and wasn’t ugly- or weird. It was a simple first date; the two of you went to the movie theater on campus, and then he walked you back to your dorm. After that, you were hooked.

The two of you seemed to do everything together. He’d walk you to class and drop you off at work. He was always willing to spend time with you even if it was 'inconvenient' for him.

He challenged your point of view, and you challenged him as well. He didn’t understand why you’d chosen to major in sociology but loved how you lit up when you spoke about it. 

Going to Hawkins for the first time was interesting. You hadn’t known about Steve’s high school reputation but were thoroughly amused at Robin’s retelling of embarrassing story after embarrassing story. His parents adored you fresh out of the gate; you saw his Dad pull him aside on your last night. While you hadn’t heard what he told the young man, you noticed how his face had lit up. As you were getting ready to return to school the next day, you had to find out, “He told me to marry you because a woman like you is a once-in-a-lifetime occurrence.”

After graduation, you and Steve finally rented a small apartment together. You had both landed jobs you loved, and everything was perfect except for one thing. Your last name…

Steve wanted to plan the perfect proposal. He spent months looking for the perfect ring and asked every woman in his life for their opinion. After buying what he hoped would be your engagement ring, he had to figure out how to ask you. A romantic weekend away? A simple but elegant dinner date? At the beach? Or at a park? He thought he had a perfect plan, but one day, you two were walking through a parking structure trying to find his car, and it was the moment. Steve stopped and fished the ring box out of his jacket pocket. You turned around when you realized Steve wasn’t beside you anymore. 

“So this wasn’t what I planned on doing, but, Y/N, will you marry me? I know we're in the middle of a fuckin’ parking lot, but this is what I want. I want to be with you forever; this may be the least romantic or special way to propose to the woman of your dreams, but it feels right.” you laughed at first, but as he got down on one knee, you realized he was serious. “Yes, Steve, I would love to be your wife.”

#stranger things #stranger things fan fiction #stranger things one shot #stranger things imagine #steve harrington headcannon #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington one shot

[ebongawk]

"Just Chrissy comforting Eddie through something" for @kirasometimess

(I actually wrote this before, but it was serious so I'm gonna make this one more lighthearted 😘😘)

The door banged open, startling Chrissy and making her slosh her tea onto the blanket she was wrapped in. Squeaking out a little, "Oh, nuggets," she set the mug aside and stood up to greet her boyfriend.

"Hey!" she said, waving from beside the couch as Eddie kicked the door closed behind him as aggressively as he'd kicked it open. "You're home early!"

A grumble was his only response. Eddie shrugged out of his jacket, letting it drop to the floor as he toed off his shoes. He paused, looking down at the crumpled leather as though it had personally offended him, before letting out a heavy sigh and swooping down to grab it. Hanging it up beside her tea coat on the wall rack.

"Long day?" she asked, weaving her way through their eclectic spread of belongings – his guitar stands, her knitting supplies, their overflowing shared bookshelf – and standing just beside the entryway.

"Longest fuckin' day of my stupidly long life," he huffed, bending down to press a kiss to her cheek before stepping around her and heading for the bedroom.

Chrissy pattered behind him, watching amusedly as he fell face-first onto their bed. He let out a low, muffled groan.

"Take it the new drummer wasn't up to snuff?"

The groan, which had never really quieted, grew louder against their mattress.

"Did you kick him out, or did Jeff?"

Eddie shook his head. Still face down, and she had to wonder how he could even breathe.

"Grant?"

A nod that tangled his hair against the sheets. Chrissy stuffed a laugh into her elbow, trying to disguise it as a cough, and Eddie rolled himself enough to send a single glaring eye her direction.

"S'not funny," he mumbled. "At this rate, I'm gonna have to pick up more stupid shifts at my stupid corporate job."

Chrissy hummed, gliding across the room and hoisting herself onto the bed. She shuffled up, bracketing her knees on either side of his hips and sitting down on his lower back.

Eddie worked as a part-time mechanic for a chain company that worked on small engine maintenance. He mostly did oil changes and tune-ups, and she knew he didn't hate it, but he also only worked enough to pay half their bills and rent studio space for Corroded Coffin practices. Which was perfectly fine – Chrissy made plenty to cover the rest. Eddie had supported her fully while she was in school. It was the least she could do to return the favor as he chased his dream.

"The horror of having to work full-time like a real adult," she mused. Eddie wiggled, halfheartedly trying to buck her from her new throne, and Chrissy giggled. Her hands fisted in his t-shirt like horse reins, waiting until he calmed down before she began gently massaging his shoulders.

"I don't wanna," he whined, burying his face in their comforter. "Why did stupid Gareth have to go and get his girlfriend pregnant. 'Oh, sorry guys, I know the label is finally sniffing around after our latest demo, but I knocked El up and gotta quit.' Who does that?"

"Someone who has to take new responsibilities into account after their priorities change," Chrissy responded, grinning when Eddie gradually began to relax under her touch. The stiffness in his shoulders easing with the gentle but firm rolls of her palms into his spine.

"Rude," Eddie huffed. "It's like he didn't think at all of how this would make me feel."

"How dare he," Chrissy agreed sarcastically.

"I know you're joking, but–– fuck that feels good," he moaned, adjusting until he was sprawled like a starfish beneath her touch. "But, Christ, it's like we've been doing all this shit for the past decade for nothing."

"You recorded your first demo in Jeff's garage when you were sixteen," Chrissy retorted. "I know that's technically a decade, but I don't think it counts."

"Ugh," Eddie grunted, his bucking wiggle even less effective than the last one. "Leave me alone to rot, Cunningham."

"What if I," she began, curling over his back and wrapping her arms around his shoulders, "become a Chrissy Backpack instead!"

Nose pressed against his nape, she inhaled his familiar scent. Rugged and pine and a hint of sweat from playing in the studio all day. It was her favorite smell. She wanted to figure out how to make a candle out of it and take it to work so she could smell Eddie all day long.

"You know you're going to do great things, right?" she asked him after a moment. "That label would be ludicrous not to pull you guys in. And maybe they have an incredible drummer on hand who's just waiting for the perfect band to come along, and it's Corroded Coffin, and you bring Gareth back in the future for reunion tours but you also become great friends with the new drummer, and you get to be an amazing uncle to Gareth and El's little bean."

He sighed, but turned his head a little, displaying one open eye and his cheek. Giving Chrissy enough access to lean up and kiss it.

"And then I'll be able to quit my stupid corporate job and open up a craft store where I sell hand-knitted and crocheted goods, and I'll call it 'Corroded Crochet', so everyone knows I'm with you."

"What about the people who don't know us?"

"I'll be sure to inform them in depth, don't worry."

Eddie huffed a laugh beneath her, the sound making his ribs quake and his skin taste like happiness. After letting her play backpack for another minute, he suddenly rolled over, pinning her beneath his body. Her legs kicked out and the wind whooshed from her chest.

"Ack–– Eddie! I can't breathe!"

"Backpacks don't even have lungs, Cunningham."

"But I have legs!"

"Ow, fuck, sweetness, my poor tummy!"

"Revenge, Munson."

"But it's so empty already!"

"Does it want conciliatory Chinese food for dinner?"

"Shit, baby, I love you so goddamn much."

Chrissy screamed in delight when Eddie suddenly stood, keeping her attached to his back as he galloped into the living room. He grabbed the cordless phone, depositing her on the couch as he dialed their favorite takeout place.

"Hey, Eddie?"

She could hear the phone ringing through the line when he looked at her.

"I love you, too," she reminded him.

He smiled that huge, goofy grin that made her insides melt, eyes softening and head tilting to one side as he looked at her like he'd never seen anything quite as lovely in his life. Like he wanted to pounce on her, lay himself across the couch and hold her as close a physically possible. Just as he moved toward her – probably to do exactly that – the voice on the other end of the phone spoke louder.

"Hello? Ming's Chinese?"

"Oh, shit, uh. Yeah. Yes. Hello? Fuck, sorry, sorry. I, uh, wanna order takeout?"

Chrissy laughed all the way through his order.

(inspo ask 🥰)

#hellcheer #eddissy #eddie x chrissy #eddie munson #stranger things #chrissy x eddie #my writing #hellcheer drabble #chrissy cunningham

[wisteria-cherry]

forty days and forty nights (day thirty-two!)

the last thing you wanted was to scare off your most recent friend, and by no means did you mean to, but it was painfully obvious what you’d done when katsuki got his coffee to-go.

that night had been horrible. you barely got any sleep because you were just so incredibly anxious that you were tossing and turning all night. you didn’t want to scare katsuki off, but it was just as scary confronting him about it. however, after a very long night of internal struggle/debate, you opted to confront him. after all, it was that, or lose him.

“medium black. t’go.” katsuki grunted as usual when he came in. you nod, your lips sealed tight. you had told yourself you were going to mention it immediately, but, well, it just didn’t feel right.

who were you kidding? you were just chickening out.

“okay.” you rung him up, made his coffee, and set it down on the countertop. he took his coffee and turned to leave and you could already feel the regret washing over you. you’d missed it. you missed your chan-

“katsuki!��

katsuki turned around. you swallowed, immensely relieved but twice as nervous.

“what?”

“can.. can we talk?” you ask breathlessly. katsuki narrowed his eyes.

“…yeah.” he agreed finally. “what?”

“i’m sorry.” you confess, before glancing around. you come out from behind the counter, your hands sweating as much as you’d imagine katsuki’s did. you swallowed a lump in your throat as you approached him. he looked down at you. he really was quite tall. “for all this.”

“you mean your weird-ass behavior.” katsuki ascertained. you nod, looking down at your feet. katsuki was silent for a few moments before he spoke again. you looked up when he did.

“did… did i do somethin’ or some shit?” he grumbled, looking away and scratching the back of his neck.

“what?” you blink, processing for a moment before frantically reassuring him. “oh, no, no! not at all! trust me, it’s not in any way your fault.” technically speaking, it was, because he was the one you were pining over, but you weren’t about to tell him that.

katsuki finally looked back at you. as usual, you could read him like a book— he was trying so hard to maintain his tough-guy attitude, but he clearly felt like he might’ve had a part in your strange behavior.

“i’m happy we’re friends.” you tell him, meeting his eyes. such pretty eyes— carmine red, with the outer ring of his iris a beautiful crimson. “and i’m sorry for acting how i did. i don’t want this to become the norm.”

“yeah, whatever.” katsuki’s lips twitched into the slightest smirk. “fuckin’ dumbass.”

you smile, and your shoulders go limp. you knew him, and you knew that his smirk was the telltale sign that he’d be back tomorrow, sitting in his rightful seat.

“thank you,” you exhale. “katsuki.”

“tch!” katsuki clicked his tongue. “shut up, loser.”

“you shut up.” you manage a breathy laugh amidst intense relief, lightly hitting his chest.

“you’re fuckin’ tiny, y’know that?” katsuki snickered. “tiny fuckin’ hands, didn’t even feel ‘em.” there was only one natural response to a short joke, though, and you executed it perfectly: a swift kick in the shins.

“oi, what the fuck?!” katsuki demanded, jerking his now incapacitated leg back and grabbing his ankle to support it. “the hell was that for, huh?!”

“serves you right.” you stick your tongue out, and katsuki flicked your forehead. “hey!” you laughed, and it was the first time you’d laughed since that period of awkwardness.

“i hate you.” you gasp amidst laughter.

“nah, you love me.”

“so, um…” you trail off to catch your breath. “are… are we good?”

“obviously.” katsuki rolled his eyes. “same as always.”

“but you got your coffee to go yesterday.”

“some chucklefuck scheduled a meeting at 5.” katsuki scowled. “dunno who yet. gonna kill ‘em when i find out.”

“so— so it wasn’t me?” you gape. wow, how self centered of you.

“like hell, moron.” katsuki flicked your forehead again. “now move it. i have to get to a damn follow-up meeting.”

“the door is behind you, i’m not in the way.” you retort, poking him in the chest in retaliation.

“whatever. go do your damn job.” katsuki snapped, whirling around to head to the door. you smiled to yourself as he walked out.

it was good to be back.

“i’m happy we’re friends.”

(feel free to comment + give ur thoughts :)

tags: @k0z3me @cherryblossomclarity @jazzafayesworld @failingstudents-blog @stevenknightmarc @chuugarettes

#bakugou katsuki #katsuki bakugo #bakugo katsuki #bakugou #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #bnha #mha #bakugo x reader #katsuki bakugo oneshot #coffee shop au #pro hero bakugo x reader

[skygemspeaks]

okay so after seeing all of the first three episodes again last night with friends and falling even more in love with the cast than before, i finally got around to episode 4 today. some thoughts:

i can't gush enough about the set design, it's all absolutely gorgeous. i was completely in love with the little clearing where young zoro and kuina have their match, just seeing the sunlight filtering through the trees...it really gives off that kind of nostalgic, romantic feeling that you get when you think back to a simpler time in your life. and of course, kaya's mansion is gorgeous! it doesn't look like yet another generic rich person mansion. it has character! i loved all the wall art in their dining room, i like the orderly yet cozy cluttered feeling of the kitchen, i love how it all feels lived in, like it has a history

talking more about the technical aspects, i love the costume design too! i like the slightly too clean look of the marine uniforms - it brings notice to the fact that these are new cadets who don't have much fighting history. i like that both nami and sham get to wear practical clothes! no stupid high heels for nami! no short shorts!

i didn't mention this last time, but i LOVE jacob's version of usopp. it's crazy that they managed to find a guy who can do usopp's over the top facial expressions in real life. they really lucked out with this entire main cast, i can't imagine literally anyone else playing our beloved straw hats. i hope we can see at least one more season, and i hope i adore robin and chopper just as much as i love these the east blue crew

as sad as it is, i'm glad that it seems like merry really is dead. i like this more brutal direction for the live action, because it feels like there are actual consequences for them, and i like that you can't take for granted that just because someone survived in the manga/anime, it means they'll survive in the live action too

the child actors are a little stiff, but i think they're really doing a good job given how young they are! young zoro's actor was definitely doing a better job that kojiro's. he sold his grief over kuina's death very well

speaking of koshiro, i still fuckin hate that dude. he did kuina so dirty with his sexism, convincing her she had no future as a swordswoman, making her believe that she could never stand up to men.

i think having koby and helmeppo show up at kaya's mansion and inevitably get duped by kuro was a good choice. it lets koby get a little more experience in a leadership position, and more than that, it helps establish usopp's distrust of the marines. from the beginning he was always interested in the romantic view he had of pirates because of his dad, but seeing that the marines failed him, even after they said they would help him, and that they didn't believe him no matter how much he begged them to, it helps establish a reason for him to go along with the pirates when they invite him to. the marines didn't do shit to protect kaya, but luffy and his friends did everything they could. they loved kaya, maybe not as much as usopp, but they wanted her to be safe.

side note, it's kind of hilarious to think about helmeppo trying to kill luffy, and then going back to the ship and finding out that he's garp's grandson 💀💀

when we are! started playing in the background as the going merry set sail for the first time with her crew...i cried, i'm not ashamed to admit it. gosh, i missed her, and i miss the first opening. it's so nice to see her get to go on more adventures with her crew in this new medium! i know some people were unhappy with her figurehead, but i just adore it, it suits her crew well

luffy's little shit-eating grin when kaya just gives them merry for free, and nami being just SO exasperated because he's gonna be so insufferable now, it made me laugh so hard! i love these idiots

when usopp and luffy were arguing about which one of them was captain, and nami just burst out laughing? and then zoro started chuckling too? that was so healing! they've already had good chemistry so far, and they've shown loyalty, but it's so nice to finally see zoro and nami kind of starting to admit that they do like these people they've become friends with, and it's nice to see that they're coming around to how much they care about luffy

i was a little iffy about them doing the garp reveal at the end. my first instinct was to be really annoyed by it, but after thinking on it for a moment, it honestly does make sense. in the first place there wasn't really a plot reason to put off the reveal until post enies lobby anyways. and then you also have to take into account that it would be a huge success if we ever even get a second season, let alone reaching post enies lobby. so it's not ideal, but i'm not too upset at them about it. ALSO, seeing zoro, nami, and usopp's reaction to the news was fucking hilarious. i hope we get some good dynamics in the next episode! i want to see garp call luffy his idiot grandson. i want that funny family dysfunction.

#opla spoilers #opla liveblog #opla #spoilers #one piece #op spoilers #monkey d luffy #monkey d garp #roronoa zoro #nami #kaya op #kuro op #koby op #helmeppo

[soluchi]

JOJOS REACTING TO YOUR DEATH (1/2)

SUMMARY: them reacting to your death but ur being a little whore

WORDS: 1.6k

WARNINGS: death, suicide (technically, the reader jus wants to die, part 7 spoilers, mostly platonic but can be read romantically

PARTS: 4-7

NOTES: none of this is in order i write as the ideas come 2 me (slay i sound so artistic), i havent written for some of these characters but it's not obvious cause all of it is actual dog shit, I DO NOT HATE GIORNO i just wrote his part first n thought everything else wld b kept shprt 🤡

josuke higashikata

appears calm cause you won't stop fucking joking around

  please assure him tht it's ok for him to cry

will try to heal you but you're like "hey. quit it >:("

jesus hes literally a mess

"you can cry, i know losing such a hot and sexy person wld hurt extremely." "*tearing up* hot and sexy mean the same thing"

"this must be payback for that time i told a 6 year old he looked like a chewed up lego." you laughed. before josuke even moved, you gripped his wrist and stared at him like a dead fish. "if you fucking pull out crazy diamond, i'm going to bring you with me."

he looked away from you in guilt. "you're too young to die." you scoffed and squinted at him. "dude, i'm literally older than you." when you flopped on him, he almost fell over. "yea, by a year." you punched him lightly, as that was all you could manage. "jesus christ man, i'm dying. are you seriously going to be mean to me while i'm fuckin bleeding out?!"

after a semi comfortable silence with you staring at josukes eyes and josuke trying to look you in the eyes. he couldn't do it, he couldn't bear to watch the color drain from your eyes. it'd hurt too much. "your eyes are pretty." you smiled at him.

"are you trying to be nice now so do can go to heaven?" you scowled at your friend. "can i not be nice?" he wasn't staring at you directly but you could see his deadpan expression. "not in practice." you sneered at him. "but i just was." he rolled his eyes and a tear fell out from his eye. "barely."

"...hey, josuke. you know you can cry right? i'm sure losing such a stunning and breath taking person would hurt immensely." there were tears dropping on your face before you could even finish talking. "stunning and breath taking means the same thing." you pushed him slightly as a response.

he holds you as if you would turn to dust right in front of his eyes, and because all that he's seen, you're pretty sure he expects that to happen. "do you think the afterlife will be fun?" he considers what he should say, hearing the tiniest bit of worry in your voice. "probably not, but you'll make it fun."

your dimples show as you smile up at him, pretending not to hear the crack in his voice because i'd make you sad. "i didn't know you thought so highly of me." an impossible amount of tears escape his eyes as his voice quivers as he feels you starting to go limp. "you know i love you, right?"

"no shit."

giorno giovanna

he litch rillee does not know how to react

and it's not really his fault cause you keep on acting like a fuckin goofy goober

like damn bitch shut up !!! anyways.

bro can barely talk like aw :( mm :(( anyways !

another mf tht tries to heal you when you literally just want to die like damn 😕

"hey, giorno." you called for him but watched the sky, laying on your back. "now that this... mess is all over, are we finally going to get to vandalize the boboli gardens?" the blonde slightly flinched at your laughter. "ah, shit!" you groaned, half because of the way your ribs felt. "do you think i'll have enough time to try every biscotto della nonna? maybe prank a tourist one last time?"

his hands are shaking but they still find their way to the left side of your waist. "you're fine, you're fine. i can help. you'll be fine." he notices that you've stopped talking but he still brings his stand out. "giorno."

the way you say his name with a tone he thinks hes never heard you use. you sound so sweet and tender at this moment, despite what's actually going on. this makes it all the more unfair because there's still so much of you that you haven't shown to the world, or even him. 

"remember to visit the boboli gardens for me."

jolyne cujoh

she won cry cause her momma didn't raise a little bitch !!! (lie)

when u hit her w tht "stay gold, ponyboy" type shit she starts fuckinf bawling

yall know tht monologue johnny from the outsiders does in the hospital

"17 years ain't long enough!!!"

she starts bawling

like, damn, bro !!! was tht really necessary !?!?

at least she wasn't making a big deal about this, you smiled at your friend. "just one time, before i.. go, you've got to promise me that you'll eat microwaved cereal at least once." you laugh at your choice of words, and jolyne laughs too, but it sounds a little forced. "you know you can cry right? it's just us and i'm literally dying. who's gonna tell?" jolyne exhales from her nose, slightly turning her head to the left, so she wouldn't have to stare at the blood on your lips.

when you finally found what you were looking for, you took jolyne's hand. "jolyne, you know how i've been joking around and wishing that someone would just kill me? i mean, i guess it's still true but..." you squeeze her hand, and she can't keep her eyes off of your hand. you felt so cold. 

"i can't believe im gonna die in a fucking prison!" you lament. "god, my mother was right." the blue bunned girl wants to say something when she sees you crying, but she doesn't know what. "it's not enough. i didn't get enough time! there are so many things i could've been doing if i wasn't rotting here!"

jolyne stares at the floor which you lay on, contemplating her next words. "hermes and i are planning to escape. somehow, i can get someone to help you and-" you nod your head until your eyes light up. she savors the moment and burns the image into her brain. hopefully, it'll help her cope with another friend dying to protect her.

"this," you put something cold in her hands, but it wasn't necessarily cold like your hands. when she opened her hands and glanced at it, she looked back to you with furrowed eyebrows. "this is your..."

you sat up, at least to the point where you were able to hug her. "take it with you. i feel like if you take my most prized possession, i'll still be alive. diamonds and rust probably won't work anymore, but at least i'll still be out of here." 

"i'm gonna miss you." you say after closing your eyes. "hey, you haven't died yet. quit being dramatic." you laughed softly while deciding to ignore the way her voice cracked. "i'll come back to haunt you so i can tell you what the afterlife is like."

you opened your eyes for a few seconds to see her smile. you always loved how her eyes crinkled when she smiled, even when she was crying. jolyne wiped her eyes and held your hand to her face. "bring back a souvenir."

"i already gave you my necklace, greedy."

johnny joestar

STOP IMAGINE IF U DIED RIGHT AFTER HE SENT FUNNY VALENTINE IN2 DANTES INFERNO

GOD THT WLD B SO FUNNY

"we was bout 2 make it out the hood bro what the fuck 😭😭😭"

you touched your chest when you saw the president sucked into the ground. when you made the contact, there was something liquid like on you. "oh." was the only thing you said when you raised your hand to your eyes. you must've been injured while the three of you were shooting at each other, you thought while staring at the crimson liquid.

johnny turned to you after hearing your reaction, to what he assumed was the death of funny valentine. you were eerily quiet for someone who jokes even in the worst situations. you took your attention away from your hand and on to johnny. when you opened your mouth, you coughed up blood while johnny watched you in dread. 

"johnny, you need to get to a doctor." the fact that you didn't say 'we' did not go over his head. "you..." you pursed your lips and looked to the ground. "this journey sure has been fun, huh?" you force out a laugh when you see him tearing up. "i told you already i knew i was going to die on the road. it's been fun being your friend."

"but we're so close, you- you can't-" you attempt a smile, but it only makes the situation worse. "you can finish for me, don't be a whore." the blood on your hand is drying and the texture makes you uncomfortable. "i'm so sorry." you finally look him in the eyes and you wish you didn't. "i truly hope you find happiness after this."

god, he really was a loud crier. or maybe it was the fact that he had no one else left. "i don't know if you're crying cause i'm going to hell or because i'm dying right now." after yelling a string of curses, he crawls over to you. you warned him about doing this because of his wounds. "fuck! you can't just... can't you use heart shaped box?" you shook your head. "if i could, i still wouldn't." he wanted to hug you but he was afraid that you'd be cold. he wasn't sure he'd be able to go on after this. 

"i'll kill the devil for you after i die. maybe i'll beat up god too." he couldn't even glare when you made that dumb joke. "are you seriously going to go out without having a single moment where you weren't joking around?" you grinned at him and closed your eyes.

"yup."

yall have no idea how many times ive reposted this shit trying to get it into tags 😭

#jjba fanfic #jjba angst #angst #jojo part 4 #josuke higashikata #josuke x reader #jojo pt 5 #giorno giovanna #giorno giovanna x reader #jojo part 6 #jolyne cujoh #jolyne x reader #jojo part 7 #johnny joestar #johnny joestar x reader

[princess-of-the-corner]

Honestly, the more you talk about it, the more I want to hear about Endeavour's PR. Who's on it, like, number of people? What is their main stance before Enji starts turning his life around? What do they fight him on? Which specific thing finally gets him to fire them? Plus, which poor sap finds himself suddenly going from note-taker to head of PR (you know there had to be at least 1 decent person in there that never got promoted, but actually supports what Enji's trying to do).

HONESTLY LIEK

it's fuckin.

Enji kinda has just. Hired PR people in general and gave bare-minimum instructions and trusted them to know what they're doing. So it's a combo of letting them have free rein on things he doesn't feel he has time for (like letting them handle every time the media accuses him of having an affair or having a bastard child, overall management of his twitter page), or taking their advice on ways to improve his image in the eyes of the public(this can range from 'covering gray hairs' to 'fielding which charity events he attends as he can't go to all of them').

But ofc this has kinda swung into the PR team kinda.... either assuming his wants/viewpoints to make statements, and/or them telling him what's 'right' based on their own feelings vs. what he wants. And Enji is just dealing with so much else and the whole point of hiring them was 'handle this so I don't have to' that he rarely checks in to keep an eye on things. (which is how he doesn't know gay people exist even though the last like 4 years have been spent with the media accusing him of having an affair with Hawks lmao).

And I have two thoughts on things where the PR team acts without Enji's permission that leads to a complete 'scrap the fuckers and start over with more checks in place'. Like there's /more/ on the whole, but these are the only two I have specific thoughts on

One is- I have a specific scene planned out for this where it's Enji gets dragged out with Midnight and Snipe's drinking night, and this is post-finding out about gay people which those two are aware of him being queer. So they're suddenly getting notifications of his twitter posting something even though he's right there and not on his phone so they're like 'uh you might wanna check this out'.

Enji's kinda surprised because usually the PR team does get /some/ permission before speaking for him, did kinda say 'yeah just handle certain things without notifying me'. And it takes him a minute to even realize what they posted as, having only known gay people exist for like a month, isn't up to date on subtle homophobic phrases like 'traditional family values'.

ofc he immediately borrows Midnight's phone to use her twitter and post a response video of 'fuck off, my PR team posted that and I will be talking to them because I am here for the lgbt community'.

Which yeah opens up him investigating into that and finding subtle and less-than-subtle things that they've been doing for his image. And while it might have /technically/ helped keep his popularity up, it does against things he thinks are right.

And the second incident is bigger which is. Idk if he finds out through investigation or if Natsuo says it after Enji has worked to gain back some trust but like.

A little bit after Toya first 'died', Natsuo did try to go for exposing the fact that Enji is a bad parent and trying to get that info out to the media and like get cps involved and such. But the PR team caught wind of it and shut it down HARD. Very guilt-tripping, threatening, and even bringing the Commission into this situation to prove to the kid that nothing would be done, and if he continued to try then, well. The middle child isn't usually missed all that much.

Enji is. Very. Very pissed at this. The not telling him, the fact that they threatened his kid to preserve his image. The fact that this contributed to some of the family drama because Natsuo assumed Enji knew and had them cover for him when, again, he had no idea at all and would've taken Natsuo's grievances a hell of a lot more seriously if he did.

It's. It's a LOT.

#endeavor fires his pr team

[raccoonfallsharder]

Window Across the Galaxy ✧*:･ﾟ updated 11/30

18+ only | rocket x oc | 20/27 Chapters | WIP | Word Count: pending. ♡ check the masterlist for expected updates ♡

girl falls first; racoon falls harder.

He glares. “Use a fuckin’ medpack tomorrow,” he orders. “Use two.” He can feel the fur and skin on his nose wrinkle as he snarls. “And I’m guessin’ I gotta tell you to use one on your frickin’ ribs, too.” “But - “ He’s hot and furious right down to the blazing tips of his ears, tailed puffed with a wrath he’s too tired to hide. For fuck’s sake. For fuck’s sake. All he wants is for Pete to bring  Groot down so Rocket can tuck the kid in, and then he can climb into bed with Jo the way he had last night, face pressed between her shoulder blades or breasts or thighs. Curled up around her in whichever way she’ll let him.  Instead, he has to deal with this shit.  Resolved if you fuck her boneless before every battle and mission, he thinks to himself, and struggles to stifle the images before they can become more of a problem.  “–it’s not a big deal. I’m healing already–” But she’s still fuckin’ fighting him. About a frickin’ medpack, of all the stupid shit.

[NEW 11/30] ✧･ﾟ:*Chapter XX. Some Nerve. in which an ultimatum is given.

our last chapter before the smut. lots of explicit fantasizing/internal dialogue type of stuff. (｡ꏿ﹏ꏿ) i think i'm pretty happy with it? not anxious at all ~ ♡

General summary/notes + links to recently preceding chapters behind the cut.

let me know via comment, message, or ask if you'd like to be added or removed from my fanfic taglist ♡

Rocket is captured by a Ravager crew hoping to get rich off the excessively large bounty on his head. Throwing a wrench in everyone’s plans is the Terran girl they hired to do some freelance assessing on a recent haul of goods they’ve seized from a Xandaran luxury liner. Oops.

slight AU starting pre-GOTG volume 1 (but will hit most of the same major plot points). slow burn + eventual smut with a lot of pining in the middle. kinda enemies-to-lovers? (but only one of these idiots thinks they're enemies). let me be real with you: this fic is really about wish-fulfillment. not just the eventual smut (but that too). mostly i just want someone to be nice to my best boy raccoon

*･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ:*✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*

Chapter I. A Delicacy. in which our reluctant heroes meet atop a crate of Sovereign porn in the bowels of a Ravager ship.

Chapter II. Monster For A Pet. in which one hero wrestles with his inner Groot, and the other is quite possibly a moron.

Chapter III. A Kindness. in which Rocket gets in his own damn way: not for the first time, and certainly not for the last.

Chapter IV. Got There First. in which our heroes obtain an arsenal and street food.

Chapter V. Things No-One Has Said Before. in which one hero refuses to babysit and the other refuses to leave.

Chapter VI. Two and a Half Billion Units.in which we lean into the “they were roommates” trope. Jolie has misgivings, while Rocket has fantasies - about getting rich, of course.

Chapter VII. I'm Here. in which we visit Knowhere.

Chapter VIII. The Care & Feeding of Human Pets. in which our heroes practice breathing and we lean into a new trope: “there was (technically) one bed.”

Chapter IX. Scrapmetal and a Dream. in which we redefine homemaking.

Chapter X. Thin Fucking Ice. in which our heroes get fucked. Not in the good way.

Chapter XI. Let It Be. in which Xandar is saved and good lives are lost.

Chapter XII. So Much It Hurts. in which we try not to fuck up the vibes.

Chapter XIII. Don’t Wait. in which a lost sister is found and Drax grapples with the concept of sarcasm.

Chapter XIV. Exactly Like a Flower. in which comfort is shared.

Chapter XV: Galaxy-Breaking Shit. in which more comfort is shared, and life is good. Briefly.

Chapter XVI. Run. in which Rocket falls victim to his superstitions.

Chapter XVII. A Seedling. A Fox. A Little Girl. in which the party is divided.

Chapter XVIII. I Happen to Know a Guy. in which our heroes get fucked. Again. Still not in the good way.

Chapter XIX. He Was Loved. in which a planet is killed, a friend is made and lost, and nobody still has any frickin’ tape.

Chapter XX. Some Nerve. * in which an ultimatum is given.

Chapter XXI. I Very Still. ❤︎❤︎ in which our heroes get fucked. In the good way, this time. Finally.

Chapter XXII. Got There Worse. ❤︎❤︎ in which Rocket does not say "I love you."

Chapter XXIII. We're Gonna Need a Bigger Table. * in which Rocket ~ discreetly ~ claims the title of boyfriend.

Chapter XXIV. Space Would Be Better. ❤︎

Chapter XXV. Little Love Stories. *

Chapter XXVI. Other Side of the Window. ❤︎

Chapter XXV. The Most Beautiful Thing in My House. ❤︎❤︎

Epilogue: Interviewing Rocket & Jo. ten years after Window ends. short/drabbly, silly fluff.

explicit lines or references* abbreviated explicit sequences ❤︎ detailed/prolonged explicit sequences ❤︎❤︎

taglist ♡ @evolvingchaoswitch ♡ @wren-phoenix ♡ @pretty-chips ♡ @suicidalshitstick ♡ @glow-autumz

#rfh fanfic #window across the galaxy #rocket raccoon x oc #gotg oc #rfh window across the galaxy #slow burn romance #enemies to friends to lovers #slow burn #it's all here folks #angst #eventual smut #rocket raccoon fanfiction #guardians of the galaxy #gotg fanfiction #rocket raccoon #enemies to lovers #rocket raccoon x original character #gotg rocket #rfh masterlist #longform fic

[day0walker]

i would like to hear ur thoughts (read: i am demanding you write this) about benji & xavier first smooch. aggro and mean? nice and tender? WHERE? HOW? # GALLONS OF SPIT INVOLVED???

what is more homoerotic than kissing ur enemy am i right fellas

“You know I’m one of the bad guys, right?”

Xavier’s breathing is coming out wet and slick, a little nasty with the wound that’s eating up his side. A gun shot that had missed everything vital but still made him twitch and flex in pain with every probe of Benji’s fingers. He was searching for shrapnel, anything that might make it bad for him to just slap a gauze patch on and keep pushing. Like a good little medic.

“Y’should shut up when you’re bleedin’ out like this.”

Only Benji was not a Shadow medic—and he should have put a bullet in Xavier’s chest a little more to the left than the one that had slipped across his ribs from someone else’s gun. He was propped up against a car, gunfire in the distance popping loudly, seeming to echo alive. They were alone, the two of them. For now, anyway. Still didn’t make much sense for Benji to be crouched over him, his shirt slit open by fabric scissors from a medkit, wound all sterilized. Too obviously not a Shadow, too obviously fucking British.

“I think you’re enjoyin’ putting fingers in my bullet hole a little too much,” Xavier groans out, wrapping a hand around Benji’s wrist. It doesn’t deter him, swiping an alcohol pad over Xavier’s side and making him momentarily see God; a big bearded man giving him two thumbs up and saying, you’re going to Hell, enjoy this while it lasts, asshole.

“Ha. Hole.”

“You’re fuckin’ killing me, Benji.”

“I’m supposed to be.”

The weight of that seems to momentarily stop them, has Benji pausing, Xavier’s long fingers still looped around his wrist. The big red head breathes in hard, hand at his side twitching like it might go to his firearm. They look at each other; enemies at the very least. Blue verses fucking red—and Xavier knows, technically, if he’s the bad guy then Benji is the good one. But also, just two fucking men, covered in dirt and blood in a place where neither of them probably wanted to be. There’s bullet holes in the street, a crumbled wall with rebar sticking out of it.

Xavier glances down at the slitted wound in his side and says, “Gross,” unceremoniously.

Benji seals it closed with a gauze pad. His fingertips are bloody, sticky and disgusting and it makes Xavier look at them longer than he should. Remembers before the Shadows were on the wrong side of the law, when he’d gotten a chance to know this medic more than a few times. Xavier’s eyes run a path across Benji’s throat, up his face, his scruffy facial hair, the way his unruly hair tucks up under his helmet. He’s too close to him, leaned over like that, patching a wound that came from an SAS soldier, just like himself.

There’s a click as Xavier unhooks Benji’s helmet. It falls to the asphalt with a little clattering sound.

“The fuck are you doin—”

“God, these things are just fuckin’ annoying.”

“Keeps your brain inside your skull when someone’s trying to—”

“Shoot me?” Xavier pats his wounded side, huffing out a pained breath. He winds a hand back through Benji’s hair, can practically see the dilating pupils of the other man at the sensation of his fingers scratching across his scalp in a way Xavier knows feels good. A way he knows he loves. “Fuck, you’re hot when you’re sweaty.”

“There’s a pint of your blood on the ground, mate, how are you able to get it up at a time like this?” But it’s practically halfhearted the way Benji spits it out in that deliciously cute accent, because he’s leaning in unconsciously. He’s knelt, one of his knees between Xavier’s long, thrown out legs and he’s settling that weight on top of him and Xavier’s hand is running back, running down, cupping his jaw. He brushes a finger over Benji’s chin.

“I’m a mercenary, I’m into blood.”

Then he jerks Benji closer. It’s not a soft, building kiss; Xavier’s tongue finds the other soldiers immediately, their mouths open and parted. It’s a rolling kiss that has Xavier’s hand collaring around Benji’s throat more, pulling him closer and closer. There’s a moan slipped between their mouths. Benji’s knees tighten on Xavier’s thigh and two sets of hands roam across one other with the kiss. Hands jerking into tactical gear, mouths moving. Heads tilt this way and that as they hungrily possess each other.

There’s an echoing sound of a mortar that makes both men jump. One of Xavier’s arms hooked around Benji’s shoulders, one of Benji’s hands slipped up under the shredded shirt and touching his chest.

“You should probably go,” Xavier reasons. “Before that big skull faced bastard comes looking for you and finds you trying to seduce the enemy.”

“You started this shit,” Benji zips his med bag shut, but before he manages to stand, Xavier hooks a hand in his tac vest and yanks him in for another kiss. This one can’t last as long, but still tastes as sweet, still has too much tongue and a lot of pent up frustration.

“Have a good day at work, sweetheart, try not to kill too many of my friends,” Xavier says when Benji finally stands and adjusts his rifle.

#ask #xavier #xavier x benji

[bright-and-burning]

thank u for the tag @monacotrophywife this took. too long to get around to lol

15 questions !!

are you named after anyone? my govie name no but eve yes! it’s my great grandma’s. my dad’s family has a kind of idk policy where your first name is Yours but your middle name is from somebody else. so my siblings and cousins and i have Original Names (not original as in like mackayleigheey just original as in not somebody else’s already. bc believe me some of our names are BASIC) and our middle names are all from grandparents + further back.

when was the last time you cried? i’ve been on the verge of tears a LOOOOOT lately. and i shed like five tears last week. but like Really cried was like january 11th ish when i moved out. i’ve had this stuffed rabbit since i was ~2 and my parents bought a perfect duplicate like the second month id had it bc i was so attached that they were like. we can NOT lose it and not have a backup (despite this i called both the same name). so i packed up one rabbit to take with me to my first solo apartment as a Real Adult and left one in my childhood bedroom. and that fucked me up soooo bad lol like the idea of here’s kid eve and here’s adult eve diverging paths… anyways.

do you have kids? i fuckin better not

what sports do you play/have you played? soccer, taekwondo, dance (ballet and tap for ~10 years) if you count that, running, a little bit of figure skating but like bootleg (aka my dad teaching me or me teaching myself w second hand skates) uhhhh. i feel like im forgetting something. oh gymnastics when i was very small. they had a lot of like, free/reduced cost sports opportunities for poor kids in my city so i’ve done a lot of things lol. owned a lot of second/third/fourth hand sports equipment over the years. if you’re in america (i cannot guarantee this exists anywhere else) and you’re in need of expensive sports equipment for cheap (or you’re looking to donate old sports equipment!) find yourself a play it again sports they came THROUGH for me and my siblings as a bunch of athletic poor kids

do you use sarcasm? frequently irl. probs less so online bc i don’t feel like it carries very well lol

what is the first thing you notice about people? hair!!!!! but otherwise it varies a lot. my favorite way to interact w ppl for the first time is to find something to compliment them on so i’m usually scanning everything to find like, oh they’ve got cool hair, cool tattoos, funky shoes, a fun patterned scrunchie, whatever.

what is your eye color? i Technically have heterochromia. but mostly green, i just have one solid brown stripe across my left eye

scary movies or happy endings? i don’t like Most Horror in general (tho i do fuck with a psychological thriller or black comedy movie a la the menu or last night in soho) so i’m gonna say happy endings

any talents? is it rude to say lots. lol. painting is probably my most “surprising” one. i can also still passably tap dance despite it being nearly 10 years since i stepped foot in a real studio. speed reading is another one; for some novels (shoutout pratchett for writing the world’s most readable and engaging novels) i was averaging like 550 wpm

where were you born? los angeles, baby. city of angels. la la land. tinseltown. etc

what are your hobbies? i am very good at picking up new hobbies and very bad at sticking with them for very long (until i get reinvested for like three weeks before dropping again etc). right now probably baking is the big one? writing. i’m trying to get back into painting this week actually!! we’ll see if i succeed

do you have any pets? my apartment is unfortunately pet free :( but my family pets are WONDERFUL. i have a dog who is a pitbull-corgi-mutt (so literally picture a corgi butt, legs, and the floppy baby corgi ears, plus a fat pitbull body, skull, and smile), and an orange cat :)

how tall are you? 5’0 on a good day

favorite subject at school? MATH!!!!! god bless math everybody. i had optional math homework in high school and sometimes when i was really annoyed w my other work i would procrastinate by doing the optional math work lol

dream job? i mean if anyone wants to step up and be my patron so i can oil paint photorealistic fabric folds all day… no but uhh what i do rn is my “realistic” dream job. my unrealistic but still technically feasible dream job is sports analytics. and my totally infeasible and impossible dream job is Art.

i’m gonna be honest i am so deeply behind on this that i think everyone has done it already. but if you haven’t and you’d like to, please consider yourself tagged <3

#tag game #not to say that art is an infeasible career #just that i like art and data equally and have not had like basically Any training in art #so obviously i chose the thing i liked the same amount (data/math/cs) that i could turn into a career significantly more easily

[scatteredfangirling]

Four Continents 2023: Men’s FS

okay i made it !!

work’s been a complete bitch this week but glad I finally got to tune in for this :^)

came in the middle of group 2 -

Sihyeong Lee (KOR)

so many rippon arms...like damn

such a good fight!! i really do like this program on him

korean skating is onward and upward man...i’m so excited for this whole team

Liam Kapeikis (USA)

ah yes moulin rouge the warhorse...it has so much of a reputation that there’s so much pressure to deliver a good program for it...

had some bobbles and bad jumps...and then started getting it back together

also kinda suffers from windmill arms...

so many falls T-T my guy, your time will come

Mikhail Shaidorov (KAZ)

literally have never watched mikhail ever, so interested to see how this goes

good technical foundation as far as i can see, nice flow on his jumps

def was struggling stamina wise at the step sequence towards the end...colorado really is unforgiving with the altitude difference

Stephen Gogolev (CAN)

i feel like i saw his spartacus program at the very beginning of the season, so curious to see how it’s evolved

not the 2S... and the other 2S... :’)

ignoring the double sals...a solid showing!! it just sucks that he literally gets no points for those :|

Koshiro Shimada (JPN)

not my fave program of his (imo nobody does chaplin like javi), but oh well

he’s really zipping around the ice today - his lines are always sooo nice

the 2a jump sequence... man that was a lofty one and he still had enough momentum to do an euler and a triple sal after???

def still waiting on him to grow his performance/presence more in the next few seasons...this wasn’t technically his best or worst performance, but adding just a bit more Energy to it makes such a difference

Jaeseok Kyeong (KOR)

first time watching him - his outfit is giving me cute stylish bookworm vibes

wish he’d extend his lines all the way through his hands - they’re really pretty and then it stops at his wrist

good recovery after the fall on the opening 3A. he’s also pretty speedy

the music shift is fun !!

i’m obsessed, this whole program was so fun, and you felt the energy in the first 20s even though he completely bombed the first jump

Maxim Naumov (USA)

i’ve also never watched maxim ever so this will be new for me

the music is called “iron, shadows, loyal” is this a fantasy soundtrack cut or have i been living under a rock

rough start with several hard falls :(

what is with the men and 2_1Eu3_ sequences tonight

i like this music cut though...(feels like he’s trying to follow in jimmy’s stylistic footsteps) but tonight’s performance was stressful

what can i say, i love men who can perform and have terrible jump consistency

Conrad Orzel (CAN)

it’s been eons since i last watched conrad...

ohhh “paint it black” ??? just wish he had a more interesting all black outfit

solid perf technically, hoping he is able to give it more oomph by the time worlds rolls around (assuming he is sent to worlds)

Shun Sato (JPN)

(oh my god i swear i typed shun’s thing and then it didn’t save smh)

his jumps are so soft and precise !! so smooth

can’t wait for him to grow a bit more in the next few seasons and become a total Show Stopper

Junhwan Cha (KOR)

junhwan pls medal PLS

that opening jump on the james bond theme...man oh man

noooo he tapped the boards when he fell

the fuckin popped 2A...chaotic

this is such a great james bond music cut, but alas this was not his best showing

Boyang Jin (CHN)

i honestly feel like i haven’t seen boyang since olys...which were a full year ago...

it’s so weird to me that nathan and shoma aren’t at this comp with him...there was an era where the three of them were everywhere

this is soft and unsnoozy music, aka perfect

not his best skate, but so good to see him out here !! can’t wait to see this program when he’s in better shape and not competing a mile high

Jimmy Ma (USA)

jimmy getting 3rd in the SP was not something i was expecting...but let’s gooo

clair de lune is a very Normal choice...and then it cuts to the EDM music we expect from him (always can rely on jimmy to bring us to the club)

there were some chaos pops (1A...lol) but he seems happy with it overall !!

3rd in the sp to 11th in the fs to 7th overall...yup the chaos of the men’s event

Keegan Messing (CAN)

the world’s favorite, father of two - i’m emo over him giving jimmy a hug as they pass each other on the ice

i’ve seen this program so much this year, and it’s a packaging that would be cheesy for anyone else, but it works SO well for him

two clean 4Ts and 3As?? he’s on FIRE

that’s it, 4CC is over, give him the gold (i’m sorry kao, it literally doesn’t matter how well you do. keegan deserves first in my heart)

Kao Miura (JPN)

kao literally wasn’t on my radar until i saw him this season during the grand prix series...and MAN oh MAN when he’s on, he’s ON

when he ups his performance energy, it will be the end of me

his jumps rotate so evenly (idt that makes sense, but it makes sense to me)

really milking the chorus of this song...hell yeah !!

wow. what an event !!

#four continents 2023 #mens #figure skating #keegan messing #boyang jin #junhwan cha #Koshiro Shimada #sihyeong lee #liam kapeikis #mikhail shaidorov #stephen gogolev #jaeseok kyeong #maxim naumov #conrad orzel #shun sato #jimmy ma #kao miura #team korea #team usa #team kazakhstan #team japan #team canada #team china #it is i a simple human #time to ramble

[whumpingcrow]

Fixed - Gio in retraining

Cw: bbu whump and everything adjacent to that, institutionallized slavery, dehumanization, behavior modification, migraine whump, memory loss, discussion of torture methods, whipping, shock collar whump, gagging mention, blood/bruises, noncon mention (vague), whumpee with a very messed up headspace, suicidal ideation (pretty vague), conditioned whumpee, humiliation whump, food mention, noncon mention (fade to black) (let me know if I missed anything!)

There is a tiny square window in the upper left corner of the concrete cell, a pale yellow light squeezes through and washes out the gray of the wall in the spot it touches. The boy has been staring at it for so long that a sharp aching is blossoming behind his eyes. He knows it doesn’t lead to the outside world, the light coming in never ceases or dims or changes color, but still he tries to imagine that it’s sunlight. As long as he doesn’t think about how he’s just pretending, it almost makes him feel a little better. 

The bruises on his knees have long gone numb, it’s probably been a few hours since one of the trainers came in and gave him his position and told him not to move until he got back. He didn’t argue and he didn’t complain (he can’t remember if he used to do either of those things when he first got to this place, he tries now to imagine the taste of defiance on his tongue and it is painfully missing, so maybe he never had it in the first place.), and hours later, when the pain has escalated and morphed into something so intense he can’t even understand it anymore, he still doesn’t even move. There isn’t a shift of his weight to try and ease the pain, no pitiful attempts to discreetly stretch out his taut muscles. He knows by now that whatever pain he’s feeling right now is nothing compared to what will be done to him if he disobeys. He acknowledged right from the beginning of this…was this a punishment? He can’t even remember that much, by now, but at the very start of it he realized there was mercy in it. Kneeling on the hard floor and bruising to the bone was the nicest thing he’d been made to do in so long, so of course he was going to do it well. He could only imagine what they might do to him if he messed up something as lenient as this. So for hours, or days, or weeks, he lost his sense of time forever ago, he stays still, he pretends it isn’t hurting so bad, he pretends the synthetic sunlight isn’t giving him a migraine, he doesn’t think, he is good, he is so tired, he can hardly work up the energy to inhale, he doesn’t know how he’s still upright, but he is good, and he is quiet. Through his delirious pain, he finds himself thinking that his last owner would be proud.

The door is loud when it’s unlocked. He’s always been thankful for that, for the small warning it provides. It’s a metallic, technical noise, with lots of clicking and shifting of overly complicated mechanics, and it takes a few seconds before the door can fully slide open. It’s almost funny that the people training him think he needs that intense of a security system to keep him in here; he’s been doing ridiculously obedient things like kneeling for hours on end for what feels like a lifetime now, and they think, without this lock, that he might just get up and walk out.

But maybe he wouldn’t walk, maybe he’d try sprinting. Until his legs give out, or until someone catches up to him and tackles him and then they would have to drag him kicking and screaming back to this room-

He knows how blank and stupid his gaze is when he looks up at the two figures in the doorway, everyone around here is always reminding him of that whenever they get the chance. It must be even worse this time around, he’s been staring at the fake sun for so long the people in the doorway are blotchy with black and purple shadows floating around his vision, and he can guess how idiotic he looks trying to blink his vision clear and search for a way around them so he can see their faces. 

“I can’t fuckin’ believe it.” The voice bounces off the bare concrete walls, everything has seemed so much louder in this room since they took the cot out. “Eight fuckin’ hours. God damn unbelievable.”

“I told you.” This voice he recognizes, it’s the same one that told him to kneel and stay put, once or twice before it’s told him to put his hands against the wall and keep them there while he was dealt gruesome lashes to his exposed back (never enough to bleed, they only make him bleed if it won’t leave a scar). He knows the voice comes with a pair of reddish brown eyes and slightly darker slicked back hair. He doesn’t know his name, or any of the trainers' names. That’s the only thing they have in common: they’re nameless to each other. 

Their shoes scuff against the floor as they enter the room, just enough to close the door behind them. The lock whirs back again, and now he is trapped in here with them. He realizes all at once how sporadic and pained his breathing sounds, he tries his best to steady it so they don’t make it into another punishment. 

There’s a soft, baffled chuckle from one of them, he isn’t quite sure who. Then, the first voice speaks again, a little softer than the first time. “No, no, I believed you about the no noise thing but-”

“Not a peep.” The trainer interrupts proudly.

“Right. But I mean, no tears at all? He didn’t cry the whole time?”

His heart sinks at the remark, he wasn’t supposed to cry, was he? He’d always been punished harshly for it, no one here had ever wanted him to cry. He searches through his memory for the exact words the trainer used after he was in position. 

“Stay here. Don’t move, don’t make a fucking sound.” 

It had been echoing around in his head since he first heard it, but he wondered if it distorted with time and pain and maybe originally the point was for him to cry. He has to focus all of his energy into keeping the panic out of his face, in the process he feels his hands twitch at his sides, just the tiniest bit, not enough for either of them to notice. 

“I know. This new system is a dream, I’m telling you. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a recall respond this well.”

He allows himself to exhale the most miniscule breath of relief. He had responded well. So well, in fact, that the trainer had brought someone else along with him to gloat. The boy would have smiled, if he didn’t know for a fact that it would get him beat. So he instead continues to blink at the two blurry, blotched out people standing across the room. 

“Imagine how much we could save if we implicated this training with the new intakes-”

“You know that’s not an option,” the other voice cuts off the trainer, “it’s too…you know this is for recalls only. If we used it right out of the gate it could get us shut down.”

The trainer scoffs wryly, the boy feels instantly afraid at how unhinged of a sound it is. Surely, he will take the heat for this going bad, he will be there for the trainer to let his anger out on when the other person leaves, he will allow himself to be berated to make the trainer feel better, and he no longer feels any conflict about it. It is his purpose, he understands now, to hurt for others. Whether it be as a stress reliever or a punching bag or a sex toy, as long as he is in pain at the hands of others, he is doing what he was made for. He should feel honored. 

He feels scared. 

“I don’t think you’re getting it,” the trainer starts, his shoes are making their way across the concrete toward the boy, they stop a few feet away from him, “you were here when he was sent back. You witnessed right along with me the state he was in. And now…”

The boy can make out some of his trainer's features now, the splotches burnt into his retina are slowly fading away, and he is even more scared when he finds anger in the face of the man above him. He doesn’t react, though, he looks back down at the floor, making sure to breathe through his nose and keep his spine straight. 

“Stand up. Come here.”

The command comes as a surprise to both the boy and the man standing near the door still, but only one of them reacts outwardly. The man is shaking his head, laughing to himself in disbelief. The boy screams inside of his head, and then he tries to stand up.

Everything from the middle of his spine to the tips of his toes lights up with pain the second he moves, he only gets one foot solidly under him before collapsing right to his knees again. His face burns with embarrassment, his hands shake in fear, but he doesn’t let out even a whine. When he looks up to see what his trainer is making of the pathetic attempt, he finds dissatisfaction, and his heart breaks. He used to question this, at the beginning, why did it make him so sad to displease these people that were torturing him? Now, though, he swallows the heartbreak fully, lets it overtake him, because pleasing others is what he was made for, and if he can’t do that then he doesn’t deserve to even live. So he tries standing again. It proves even more pointless than the first time, his already bruised knees hitting the solid ground hurts so bad he goes numb everywhere else. His breathing picks up, he’s now a mess of hitched and quick breaths through his flared nostrils. Still, he makes no sound. 

The trainer is getting fed up with him, the boy can tell by the way he shifts his weight and crosses his arms over his chest. It’s the same thing he did before he put the shock collar on the boy and showed him what it was like to really not be able to hold back his screams, and before he threw him face first into the wall and held him there to make him watch as the others took away his cot. He dreads what will happen when the other man leaves, he dreads even more that the man might not leave and he will have to receive punishment from two of them. More than any of that, he’s just embarrassed. His trainer had been so proud of the progress he’d made, proud enough to show it off, and now the boy was ruining all of it just because he couldn’t make himself stand up. 

So he tries again.

And again he fails. 

He wants to cry, more than anything, and he has for the last eight hours, but he just can’t. Not when he knows that crying will only earn him the shiny, much too sharp gag that he’s been in more times than he can count. For a second he wonders if having that cut into his cheeks and tongue for a few hours would be better or worse than this humiliating test, but realizes that he doesn’t get to pick and choose his punishments, why does he think he deserves that luxury? 

He tries again.

This time, he gets a little further, and there’s a moment where he’s standing on shaking, useless legs, and he’s proud of himself. He attempts a step toward his trainer, and then he’s right back where he started, on his knees, biting back tears, swallowing back pleas, wondering how to get out of this and then wondering how he could dare to think such a thing. 

The next time his knees hit the ground, he isn’t able to stop the soft, barely audible gasp he lets out, and then he’s shaking even more at the idea of them using it against him. He sets his jaw, he tries to level his ever-quickening breathing, he tries to stand up again. This should be easy, he can’t process why he isn’t able to make the three or four steps it would take to be in front of his trainer, and he feels so stupid, so ashamed. He throws a nervous glance at the man standing at the door, who is watching on with an indecipherable frown. Is he disappointed in the boy for not being able to complete this simple task? Is he going to order more cruel “exercises” to make him better? 

He forces himself to get his feet under him, he stands slowly, he doesn’t permit himself to wince when he wants to. His whole body jolts involuntarily at the pain taking a step causes, and right when he thinks he might be able to do it, his legs are giving way beneath him and he’s sinking to the cold, hard floor with a thud. This time it hurts so much he gets nauseous, and he presses his palms into the cool floor to try and ground himself. 

“Alright, I think you’ve proven your point-” the man at the door begins, the boy looks up at him with the smallest amount of gratitude written into his face. He’s panting now, and he’s pale and jittery all over, and still he’s managed to keep the tears from his eyes and any sounds of discomfort from his throat. 

“No, I haven’t. You’re missing my point entirely, actually.” The trainer looks down his nose at the mess in front of him, the boy could curl up and die right there at how unhappy he looks. “I’ve given him an order, and he’s going to do it. You’ll see.”

The boy swallows, he looks at the little square of light on the wall again. He hopes that soon, they might tell him that he’s finally trained well enough to leave and he can see real sunlight again. He stands. He sways. He falls. He stands. He staggers forwards. He falls. He stands. He holds his breath. He thinks he might pass out. He falls. He reminds himself that crying will get him into trouble. He takes a shuttering breath. He stands. He wants to feel the sun on his skin. He takes a step. He wants to breath in air that isn’t dense with his own tortured cries. He falls. He reminds himself that making noise is what got him sent back in the first place. He stays silent. He stands. He wants to sleep on something soft. He takes a step. He’s so tired of waking up covered in bruises and trying to figure out if they’re from the trainers or where his bones meet the concrete he sleeps on. He takes a step. He has to get out of here. He takes a step. He has to get out of here, it doesn’t matter where they send him as long as it isn’t here. He takes a step. He wonders what he did in his old life to deserve this. He takes a step. He knows that if it made him end up here, it must have been something horrible. He takes a step. He is glad he doesn’t remember.

“There’s no fucking way…” the man at the door mutters. The boy is uneasy at how much he’s cussing, too often he’s been on the receiving end of most of that foul language, and the actions that come along with them are never pleasant. 

In between his soft gasps of pain held at bay, the boy whispers out a tiny “I’m sorry, sir,” and he leaves it at that. Because he can’t will himself to look up at his trainer, he misses the smile he’s wearing, and it startles him when he laughs. 

“You hear that?” He announces. “The dumb fuck is apologizing to me.” Then he turns back to the boy, takes his face in his hand. His touch is somewhere between caring and demeaning. The boy leans into it like he’s been searching for warmth his entire life. When he speaks again, it’s quietly, just to the boy. “You did good. That was exactly what I needed from you. Well done.”

All of the pain from the last few hours seems to melt away at that. The boy cracks a tired grin, he pushes further into the hand against his cheek. When he first got here, he was humiliated at any form of praise, it only made him push back against the training more. Now, it feels like it’s what he lives for. He would do anything for it, because being touched gently and being told that he was giving up his humanity, his freedom, so perfectly was far better than the pointless struggle and agony of trying to keep it. 

When the trainer steps away from him, he barely stops himself from falling right to the floor again, and he stays swaying in his spot as the other two continue their conversation. He’s hardly listening now, too focused on staying upright, but he hears his trainer saying something about how much money they could save if they used this so-called “new system” right at the beginning. Distantly, the boy feels a heavy guilt, like it’s all his fault that others may be treated the same way he has. He thinks about all the times he’d lay there praying for death to show him mercy while he hugged his own bloody and bruised body, and he thinks about the shock collar, and he thinks about the migraines, and he thinks about the little square of fake sunlight that never moves, and when he imagines anyone else going through that, it makes him sick to his stomach. He may have deserved it, but no one else does, and if the trainers start using those methods on others, it would be all his fault. He only feels that distantly, though, because he can hear his trainer saying something about a reward, now, and it’s been so long since he was given anything but punishment that he can’t focus on thinking about anything other than the trainer making his way back to him. The other man is gone, the boy wonders how he didn’t notice the loud sound of the door opening and closing when he left. 

“How do you think you did?” The trainer checks. His voice has a slight condescending tone, but when does it not?

“I…I am sorry it took me so long, sir.” 

The trainer hums in agreement. He’s touching the boy again, his hands trailing over the nape of his neck and grabbing onto his shoulders. “You didn’t make any noise.”

“I am to be seen and not heard. Sir.” He recites it well, despite his shaking voice and his wavering breathing. He can’t ever keep himself composed when historically cruel hands are suddenly nice with him. 

“Good. That’s good. You didn’t cry either.”

“No, sir, I have no reason to cry.” He wants to cry every second of every single day. From the time he opens his eyes to the time he closes them he is holding back tears. Sometimes he wakes up and catches himself crying at something in his sleep. He thinks he would die if anyone ever caught him. 

“Those bruises on your knees look painful. It must’ve hurt a lot, to do all of that just now.” There’s no pity in his voice, it is very clearly a test, and it’s one that the boy knows how to pass.

“My pain means nothing, sir.” The pain is making him lose his mind. He would do anything to make it stop, if only he knew how.

The trainer steps closer. The boy tries not to tense up in his grip, he tries not to flinch away from him when he leans in so they’re breathing in each other's air. 

“I’m very proud of you.” He mumbles. 

“Oh,” the boy breathes, his cheeks grow scarlett and he looks away from the trainer completely, “th…thank you, sir.”

“Are you hungry?”

He pauses, is this still a test? And then he looks back up at the trainer. “If you…if you wanted to feed me I would be so, so grateful, sir, but I would never ask-”

“Wow,” the trainer laughs, “this is incredible. I almost can’t believe…when you first came here, you probably don’t remember, you bit me so hard I bled. I still have a scar.” He pulls a hand away from the boy to pull down the collar of his shirt and sure enough, there’s a faded outline of teeth where his shoulder meets his neck. As soon as he’s sure the boy saw it, he lets go of his shirt and returns his hand to the boy’s slim shoulder.

All of the blood drains from the boy's face, he shakes his head to himself, like he’s scolding himself for it. He doesn’t remember, like the trainer said, and he also can’t imagine himself doing something like that. He is horrified that he was once in a place where he would hurt a trainer, not to mention disgusted in himself, and it shows in every inch of his trembling, wiry frame. “I am so sorry, sir-”

“No, you don’t understand, pet,” the trainer is leaning even closer, his mouth is against the shell of the boy's ear when he speaks again, “I fixed you. I tore you to pieces and then I rebuilt you from scratch and I made you perfect.” 

There’s a brief moment where the boy is speechless. He’s still trying to reel himself in from the spiraling self-hatred and guilt that he hurt someone so bad, especially a trainer, and he’s trying to figure out what was happening to him that would make him lash out and bite someone in the first place, and he’s trying to understand why the trainers phrasing of “fixing” him makes him feel so sad. But then, after he really thinks about it, he’s happy. The trainer fixed him, he is perfect, he said, which means he doesn’t need any more training, right? It means he should be able to leave now, and maybe be somewhere with real sunshine and night and day. 

“Thank you, sir.” He rushes out. “Thank you for fixing me.”

The trainer smiles against his skin, and then his hands migrate to the boy’s hair, he’s neither gentle nor aggressive when he grabs fistfulls of it, but rather something in the middle. “I’m going to get you a nice, hot, proper meal. I’ll even bring you to the dining hall, that’s your reward. You were so good for me today.”

“Oh, thank you-”

“I just need you to do one last thing for me, ok?”

The boy nods instantly. “Of course, anything, sir.”

“Good boy.” The trainer pulls off of him, looks him up and down with a smile. “Get back on your knees.”

#whump fic #whump #whump blog #whump community #emotional whump #whump character #whump comfort #whump drabble #whump art #whump aesthetic #whump comic #whump prompt #whump cw #whump tropes #whump things #whump ideas #whump scenario #whump prompts #whump writing #whumper #bbu oc #pet whump #box boy universe #bbu whump #box boy whump #whump angst #whump aftermath #whump dialogue #whump dynamics #whump gore

[theojgarcia]

initial sitdown .

With everyone getting called, or dragged, in for interviews Kian assumed it would be his turn soon, as if the presence of the cops wandering around didn’t make him feel uneasy enough; like there was constantly something gnawing in his stomach whenever he went outside his dorm. He felt watched and he didn’t like it. As expected they came and knocked on his door soon enough, a tired but alarmingly sober Kian opening the door, sweat glistening in his hairline, curls almost covering one of his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, I’m coming,” he muttered, already knowing what they wanted. “Just walk 10 fuckin’ feet behind me.” He was in no position to order anyone anything and of course they walked right next to him across campus as he lit a cigarette and smoked it in record speed. Couldn’t they have just called him in and let him go by himself? Was it because of his past? Couldn’t let a little delinquent run free, huh? Fucking pigs.

Welcome in, Mr. Marquez they said when they’d arrived at their destination, inviting him in like they were having a fancy dinner in there. Kian held himself back from cursing at them, lips pressing together as he sat down down by the table, one officer took a seat across from him and the other, probably at least five inches taller then the first, leaned against the wall. What was this, good cop bad cop? Losers.

“ᴡʜᴇɴ ᴅɪᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ʟᴀꜱᴛ ꜱᴘᴇᴀᴋ ᴛᴏ ɢʀᴇᴇʀ?”

Here we go. Just answer the questions, not too much, and don’t be fucking snarky. “Speak?” Last time he’d had a conversation with her they’d been yelling. “April, right after Easter, I think,” he shrugged a little. ‘What did you speak about?’  “Nothing important.” Kian shrugged, biting the inside of his cheek as his gaze flickered to the side before they unfocused for a moment while he spoke. “Just... How we felt about each other.” Well, technically, but that was a very sugar coated way of saying it.

“ᴡʜᴇɴ ᴅɪᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ʟᴀꜱᴛ ᴀᴄᴛᴜᴀʟʟʏ ꜱᴇᴇ ɢʀᴇᴇʀ?”

“Last day of school. Then I went back to Cali.” The officer paused, waiting for Kian to continue speaking but the boy simply looked up, clasped his hands in his lap and raised his brows. Cops weren’t his favorite company, especially since juvie but they certainly hadn’t been the best thing in his life while he was homeless either. They likely knew that, had a whole file on his ass, but he wouldn’t let them see it. They’d just try to poke a hole in his bubble, get on his nerves, make him say more than he wanted to. The officer in the corner rolled his eyes when the one opposite Kian finally gave up and sighed before asking the next question.

“ʜᴏᴡ ᴡᴇʟʟ ᴅɪᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ɢʀᴇᴇʀ?”

“Better than most, I’d say.” His words were followed but a scoff he couldn’t control and the officer took notes, of course, which caused an urge to smack him in the face which had Kian’s right hand itch. However, he clenched his fist in his lap and focused on the question. Especially Freshman year he’d seen all Greer’s sides, even the good ones. Kian knew she could be nice and friendly and funny. However, that didn’t erase how she’d treated him, among others that weren’t in her circle. “Well, at least for a while. Then I think she changed.” Shrugging, he remembered how hard it was not knowing what she’d do next, like someone flipped a switch, especially last year was completely different from his first college year. Every word felt bitter on his palate, but he said them anyway. “She was a leader, an example. Everyone loved her.”

“ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴀꜱ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʀᴇʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴꜱʜɪᴘ ᴡɪᴛʜ ɢʀᴇᴇʀ ʟɪᴋᴇ?”

The lies were piling on top of each other at this point, even if some words were simply twisted instead of fiction. It wasn’t quite his view but it was... Someone’s. “Complicated,” he said, shoulders slouching slightly. Kian had no problem using everyone else’s view of him and Greer to his advantage this time. he didn’t care what they think and this version felt better to tell the cops. The opposite would’ve made him a suspect, huh? “We were friends... I liked her. A lot,” he said, biting down his lower lip. “She didn’t feel the same but she used me a little because she knew I... Would help her.” The Junior pulled a hand through his hair, wiping the sweat in his hairline during the action. “Then I realized my worth.” Hardly, but good enough. Kian snorted, following words drenched in sarcasm. “Fuckin’ teen drama, man. Sounds spicy, right?”

“ʜᴀᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴇᴀʀᴅ ᴏʀ ꜱᴇᴇɴ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ꜱʜᴇ ᴡᴀꜱ ᴛʜɪꜱ ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴇʀ?”

“No, actually, we... No.” sighing, Kian tried not to think about what could have happened, what still could happen if she came back. Or when. “Not a lot of interaction since last time we spoke, except a few spicy side eyes at the end of the semester because I didn’t want to carry her books anymore.” Or do her dirty work, despite being terrified. “I don’t keep a lot of contact with people over the summer anyway.” A small frown formed between his eyebrows. “Well, except she wrote in the campus group chat after Homecoming. But I don’t think that was actually her.” Who do you think it was?. He pressed his lips together to hide a stupid grin. “Aliens?” Of course the officer skipped right to the next question. 

“ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅɴ’ᴛ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴡᴀɴᴛᴇᴅ ɢʀᴇᴇʀ ᴛᴏ ᴅɪꜱᴀᴘᴘᴇᴀʀ, ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ʏᴏᴜ?”

His gaze stayed locked with the officer’s, another lie resting on his tongue but he knew, if anything he’d said thus far, that word - a simple no, would come off as the most insincere. Loop hole. “A year ago I would have said yes,” he admitted, only half a lie or sorts, a lazy shrug of one of his shoulders. “It would have been easier for me if she transfered but now... I don’t think it would have mattered anymore.” Lies but he barely realized it himself. “To me at least, but other people on campus would clearly be much more content with her around, like they depend on her. --- I’m not important in this narrative. She is. The heart of Ogden.” For whatever fucking stupid reason, that’s what she’d become. “Can I go? You’re kinda holding me from class.” A shit class, but he’d rather be there than in this room with these two soul-sucking dipshits.

#ogdentask #task001 #❛ &. ⋮ self para. #whew finally #dont let me edit this again ffs jflsgdhg

[that-kid89]

03.26.2024

numb the pain. <- song of my day

but like a happy day for me? tbh definitely ended on more of high note, a spark of hope after being unemployed for a week now.

i feel like i could write 15 sentences at the same time right now.

madness, insanity, sickness, disturbed, panic.

ecstasy, highs, journeys, toys, wanderlust.

modest, numb, emotional, passive.

literally just writing random words that pop in my head. feels like gonzo clarity. check me if it's narcissism. too much pride.

daily average for screen time on my iphone is 3.5 hours for the 3 days this week.

read and skimmed all the back to my opener post. i initially felt bad, sad, and let down. reading my thoughts of love for heather, but more so my feelings towards my self. talking to myself in this blog, scolding him nearly. listing my needs and realizing where i sit that i made not one attempt at getting those things. were they really needs or just fantasies though.

kinda feelin like fuck all that shit. maybe its the beers and esteem boost from my first hearing back on one the applications i sent out in the last 7 days.

whats always wild to me, is how i can drift off into my dreams, when i'm awake. the rare night where i just daydream and not even sleep. its so crazy to me, and i dont recall talking about that seriously with someone. wish i did with heather. but also the stimulation i get from twist my hair into knots. sometimes it hurts so good. but i get mad when it's really knotted, and i gotta rip it apart, usually with hair being ripped out. insane.

talking about today now. woke up late, but earlier than i thought after falling asleep around 3am. tried not to drink but caved last night and had a few swigs of casamigos followed by a lovely beer. technically counts as today! well i suppose only the events beginning at 12:00am. fuck it, yeah so i woke up, and funny i keep checking my phone for all kinds of notifications. first thing i read was a message from christian on insta about the boat hitting the bridge in baltimore. this is recent to the mass shooting in russia, god damn dark news. still seeing a bunch of posts about necann. i'm glad i've been to events, but felt i had no place going this year. i don't think i've been when working in the industry, but definitely when i was younger. took a much needed shower today and trimmed up. then went to whole foods and petco. nearly bought the exact same things from each store, from i got yesterday. took the amg out though, and always get excited to drive that beast. let it warm up right, cold start was rowdy as always. deffs got some good pops and bangs. fuckin car is so quick too, and so exhilarating. however i did get this great beer as well called "termination". spent a lot of time looking at crafties to get, and ultimately chose this one although it being a triple ipa. 10% abv and damnnnn smooth. i'm on my second one tonight. sipping out the duvel big round chalice that i got from an xmas yankee swap one year. but anyway, getting a hit back on an application from only yesterday was an esteem boost. seems like a company tha could really use my help, and that they'll have a lot of work cut out for me. falling in love a bit quick as i do my homework on them. keeping in my mind that its only a teams meeting planned for next week but was still the first i've heard in a week. this last week has felt like freedom. but also emptiness. i do miss my last job, and still trying to get a good understanding of how it ended. but it feels a lot like the lat time heather and i broke up. i had reached my breaking points with them months ago, and never recovered. but they cite a recent mishandling of a heroin related customer incident at the store, which i can see how they perceive as mishandling, but damn it really felt good to get fired. i just walked out they of my term. instant relief, not much to finalize with them either. anyway

running out of steam with my writing. im glad i did. btw, song of the day came from nowhere. i somehow had the song stuck in the head, and i searched a rough idea of the lyrics with xxxtentacion and nailed it. i've had it on repeat all day since. had it on loop in the car, and had it on loop during this whole session. a classic way i've listened to my favorite x songs, a repetitive lyric design with just guitar chords or sample. feel like he's here with me, just sharing his emotions with me.

came to love his music after a distinct memory of mine, being when i shurgged off his death as i read him to be an abuser in his relationship. came to realize he had remorse in his actions, and was on a mission that i never would found out myself. this girl told me he was one of her favs, and that's when i got into him. his music still took time to grow on me, but ive now listened to most of his music, and i think all of his albums, all the way through, multiple times. 17, ?, skins, bad vibes forever, and some of his early stuff from mixtapes and singles. but yeah, quite a learning and growing experience. ending sentences on the 4 beat, or like a significant strum or beat, just feels so good.

rest in peace jahseh.

thank you for helping me open up my mind in so many ways.

here's to me, and the life i've lived and will continue to complete. excited to see where life takes me. for now, a nostalgic night of no responsibilities, weed and beer.

signing off.

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #181

WHAT WAS YOUR LAST:

Beverage: I have milk right now.

Phone call: uhhhh most likely Mom.

Text message: Mom letting me know she was otw home from Walmart.

Song you listened to: I'm quite sure it was "Shutdown" by 3TEETH.

Time you cried: Recently, I can't quite recall why though.

　HAVE YOU EVER:

Dated someone twice: Yes actually, Girt. We first tried dating in '17, however I know now that I just was not ready to date a man again. I had more healing to do.

Been cheated on: No.

Kissed someone & regretted it: Yes, Tyler. I felt like I was supposed to, but even more so I think that I was trying to convince myself I felt something I didn't.

Lost someone special: Let's be real here, everyone has. I'm not special in that regard.

Been depressed: I'm clinically depressed, was diagnosed in the 7th grade.

Been drunk and threw up: No.

　LIST THREE FAVOURITE COLOURS:

Light/baby pink

Salmon

Rose gold

　THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (I'm taking this as "in the past year")

Made a new friend: Yes.

Fallen out of love: No, quiiiite the opposite.

Laughed until you cried: oh certainly, I cry from laughing absurdly easily, like I'm in tears so fast when I'm really laughing.

Met someone who changed you: No.

Found out who your true friends were: Considering I cut Sara out of my life over a year ago now, not technically.

Found out someone was talking about you: yup.

Kissed anyone on your FB friends list: Yeah.

　GENERAL:

How many people on your FB friends list do you know in real life: The majority. I do have a lot of online friends, but no people I don't know whatsoever; my friends list is strictly people I'm actually familiar with and like.

Are you happy: Today, yeah, it was a good day. In general though, my depression has been worse than what's normal for medicated me, so we're doing some med adjustments...

Do you have any pets: A cat (Roman), champagne ball python (Venus), and chihuahua (Cookie).

Do you want to change your name: No, not by this point in life.

What did you do for your last birthday: Me and my family, boyfriend, and his mom and nephew went to the Cheesecake Factory. Then we hung at home.

What time did you wake up today: ugh too fuckin' early, that's been the case lately.

What were you doing at midnight last night: Sleeping.

Name something you CANNOT wait for: my damn meds to be stable again. I want to feel like they're actually working.

Last time you saw your mother: Not that long ago, when I walked through the living room to get to the kitchen.

What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: My fucking weight. My health in general. My job situation.

What are you listening to right now: I'm actually watching/listening to a Markiplier LP for the first time in like... around two years, lol. He still makes me snicker and chuckle, he's so endearing.

Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yes, our landlord's husband is named Tom. He's strange, none of us really like him. He used to drive me and Nicole home from high school at a point, though; he was the automotive teacher or whatever they're called.

What’s getting on your nerves right now: I'm gonna be trying to sleep after this and I'm permanently aggravated at how long it takes me to fall asleep.

Most visited webpage: YouTube, really.

Nicknames: Britt, or Ozz(y) online.

Relationship status: In a serious/long-term monogamous relationship.

Zodiac sign: Aquarius

Gender? Female.

Hair color: Naturally brown, VERY faded greenish ends. I want to get it dyed soon, to SOMEthing.

Long or short: My hair's short.

Height: like 5'4.5''

Do you have a crush on someone? I'm in love with him, to be far more accurate.

What do you like about yourself? I think I'm really creative and artistic.

　FIRSTS:

First crush: my first REAL, non-puppylove crush was Sebastian, I think.

First piercing: Earlobes.

First best friend: Brianna.

First sport you joined: I think soccer, or maybe t-ball.

First vacation: hell if I know, we very rarely went on those.

First car: I've never had my own.

　YOUR FUTURE:

Want kids: When it really comes down to it, no. It's a want sometimes, but I am entirely positive that at least as I am now, I would be a horrendous mother so don't plan on having any.

Get married: I want to one day.

Career: HOPEFULLY a nature photographer of sorts... shooting details in it, landscapes, and animals.

　WHICH IS BETTER:

Lips or eyes: pretty eyes.

Hugs or kisses: well it depends.

Shorter or taller: I don't care.

Older or younger: Either, but just generally my age, give or take a few years.

Romantic or spontaneous: look I'm a sucker for romantics okay

Nice stomach or nice arms: I don't really care?

Sensitive or loud: Somewhere in the middle, but I would work far better with a more confident partner; I'M the excruciatingly shy one, two would make a lot of situations hard lol

Hook-up or relationship: Relationship, I've always been very disinterested in hook-ups.

Trouble maker or hesitant: In the middle. Proooobably a very small hint more trouble-maker though.

　HAVE YOU EVER:

Kissed a stranger: no.

Drank hard liquor: Tried sips, and they were always abominable.

Lost glasses/contacts: Contacts, yes, in the past.

Sex on first date: no.

Broken someone’s heart: Maybe, idk.

Had your own heart broken: oh for sure.

Been arrested: no.

Turned someone down: yes.

Cried when someone died: when I learned about it, oh yes.

Fallen for a friend: lmao yeah, we're dating

　DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

Yourself: I mean, I'm getting BETTER at it...

Miracles: no.

Love at first sight: hell no.

Heaven: doubtful. I definitely don't believe in the Christian heaven; a peaceful afterlife, maybe, but idk.

Kiss on the first date: if you both want to, why not.

Angels: no.

　ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

Had more than one bf/gf: Not simultaneously, no.

Did you sing today: I mean, I "sang" happy birthday because it was my nephew's party.

Ever cheated on somebody: No.

If you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be: idk

Are you afraid of falling in love with somebody else: WELP I sure didn't want to after Jason, but it sure as hell happened anyway.

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