initial sitdown .
With everyone getting called, or dragged, in for interviews Kian assumed it would be his turn soon, as if the presence of the cops wandering around didn’t make him feel uneasy enough; like there was constantly something gnawing in his stomach whenever he went outside his dorm. He felt watched and he didn’t like it. As expected they came and knocked on his door soon enough, a tired but alarmingly sober Kian opening the door, sweat glistening in his hairline, curls almost covering one of his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, I’m coming,” he muttered, already knowing what they wanted. “Just walk 10 fuckin’ feet behind me.” He was in no position to order anyone anything and of course they walked right next to him across campus as he lit a cigarette and smoked it in record speed. Couldn’t they have just called him in and let him go by himself? Was it because of his past? Couldn’t let a little delinquent run free, huh? Fucking pigs.
Welcome in, Mr. Marquez they said when they’d arrived at their destination, inviting him in like they were having a fancy dinner in there. Kian held himself back from cursing at them, lips pressing together as he sat down down by the table, one officer took a seat across from him and the other, probably at least five inches taller then the first, leaned against the wall. What was this, good cop bad cop? Losers.
“ᴡʜᴇɴ ᴅɪᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ʟᴀꜱᴛ ꜱᴘᴇᴀᴋ ᴛᴏ ɢʀᴇᴇʀ?”
Here we go. Just answer the questions, not too much, and don’t be fucking snarky. “Speak?” Last time he’d had a conversation with her they’d been yelling. “April, right after Easter, I think,” he shrugged a little. ‘What did you speak about?’ “Nothing important.” Kian shrugged, biting the inside of his cheek as his gaze flickered to the side before they unfocused for a moment while he spoke. “Just... How we felt about each other.” Well, technically, but that was a very sugar coated way of saying it.
“ᴡʜᴇɴ ᴅɪᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ʟᴀꜱᴛ ᴀᴄᴛᴜᴀʟʟʏ ꜱᴇᴇ ɢʀᴇᴇʀ?”
“Last day of school. Then I went back to Cali.” The officer paused, waiting for Kian to continue speaking but the boy simply looked up, clasped his hands in his lap and raised his brows. Cops weren’t his favorite company, especially since juvie but they certainly hadn’t been the best thing in his life while he was homeless either. They likely knew that, had a whole file on his ass, but he wouldn’t let them see it. They’d just try to poke a hole in his bubble, get on his nerves, make him say more than he wanted to. The officer in the corner rolled his eyes when the one opposite Kian finally gave up and sighed before asking the next question.
“ʜᴏᴡ ᴡᴇʟʟ ᴅɪᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ɢʀᴇᴇʀ?”
“Better than most, I’d say.” His words were followed but a scoff he couldn’t control and the officer took notes, of course, which caused an urge to smack him in the face which had Kian’s right hand itch. However, he clenched his fist in his lap and focused on the question. Especially Freshman year he’d seen all Greer’s sides, even the good ones. Kian knew she could be nice and friendly and funny. However, that didn’t erase how she’d treated him, among others that weren’t in her circle. “Well, at least for a while. Then I think she changed.” Shrugging, he remembered how hard it was not knowing what she’d do next, like someone flipped a switch, especially last year was completely different from his first college year. Every word felt bitter on his palate, but he said them anyway. “She was a leader, an example. Everyone loved her.”
“ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴀꜱ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʀᴇʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴꜱʜɪᴘ ᴡɪᴛʜ ɢʀᴇᴇʀ ʟɪᴋᴇ?”
The lies were piling on top of each other at this point, even if some words were simply twisted instead of fiction. It wasn’t quite his view but it was... Someone’s. “Complicated,” he said, shoulders slouching slightly. Kian had no problem using everyone else’s view of him and Greer to his advantage this time. he didn’t care what they think and this version felt better to tell the cops. The opposite would’ve made him a suspect, huh? “We were friends... I liked her. A lot,” he said, biting down his lower lip. “She didn’t feel the same but she used me a little because she knew I... Would help her.” The Junior pulled a hand through his hair, wiping the sweat in his hairline during the action. “Then I realized my worth.” Hardly, but good enough. Kian snorted, following words drenched in sarcasm. “Fuckin’ teen drama, man. Sounds spicy, right?”
“ʜᴀᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴇᴀʀᴅ ᴏʀ ꜱᴇᴇɴ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ꜱʜᴇ ᴡᴀꜱ ᴛʜɪꜱ ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴇʀ?”
“No, actually, we... No.” sighing, Kian tried not to think about what could have happened, what still could happen if she came back. Or when. “Not a lot of interaction since last time we spoke, except a few spicy side eyes at the end of the semester because I didn’t want to carry her books anymore.” Or do her dirty work, despite being terrified. “I don’t keep a lot of contact with people over the summer anyway.” A small frown formed between his eyebrows. “Well, except she wrote in the campus group chat after Homecoming. But I don’t think that was actually her.” Who do you think it was?. He pressed his lips together to hide a stupid grin. “Aliens?” Of course the officer skipped right to the next question.
“ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅɴ’ᴛ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴡᴀɴᴛᴇᴅ ɢʀᴇᴇʀ ᴛᴏ ᴅɪꜱᴀᴘᴘᴇᴀʀ, ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ʏᴏᴜ?”
His gaze stayed locked with the officer’s, another lie resting on his tongue but he knew, if anything he’d said thus far, that word - a simple no, would come off as the most insincere. Loop hole. “A year ago I would have said yes,” he admitted, only half a lie or sorts, a lazy shrug of one of his shoulders. “It would have been easier for me if she transfered but now... I don’t think it would have mattered anymore.” Lies but he barely realized it himself. “To me at least, but other people on campus would clearly be much more content with her around, like they depend on her. --- I’m not important in this narrative. She is. The heart of Ogden.” For whatever fucking stupid reason, that’s what she’d become. “Can I go? You’re kinda holding me from class.” A shit class, but he’d rather be there than in this room with these two soul-sucking dipshits.
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I lost myself for awhile there
I got away from doing my rituals, nurturing my inner world, and striving towards my dreams.
I was distracted by that which consumed me and distorted my fire.
I was swept up in the illusion of societal expectations, in projected ideals, in that which could be but wasn’t.
My heart has been broken, but only to release the dam of my desires.
Fuck it’s happening, I’m actually seeing the light again after months of darkness
I can feel my wings, revel in the strength of my soul and body, accepting that I have the power and ability to create wondrous things beyond my wildest imagination.
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