#the ! gender dysphoria ! is big today folks !

[cozza-frenzy]

Fanfic: A La Carte (Part 1: Appetizer)

It’s a big part of what makes us human; believing we have a soul that needs to be fed, too. So this one has been in the works for a little longer than the others! Not only has my Discord “job” been keeping me VERY busy, but I also wasn’t sure where to go with this, exactly... but after seeing a certain art post yesterday, I know now... and I also know it needs to be a 2-parter. Yep, this one’s LONG, folks. And it’s about food! I’d like to give my thanks once again to @chronicsheepdrawing​ for their wonderful designs and autistic character headcanons. This is going to be less angst, more fluff this time, so content warnings are a little more sparse! May we all experience moments of Autistic Joy like those found in this story. Happy Autism Acceptance Month! Part 3 of a series: Anything Not Saved A Perfect Moment

CONTENT WARNINGS: Body Dysphoria (Not Gender Related), Messy Eating, References to Sensory Deprivation, Mild Sensory Overload

So whose birthday do you think it is this time? Ah, yes, I suppose it DOES say “Happy Celebration To Whomever”, doesn’t it? It might not even BE a birthday. It might even be celebrating all of the incredibly productive work we’ve been doing! Gosh, imagine that! FINALLY some recognition for all those years of- …And you’re gone. Of course. No doubt you have more important things to do than talk to the likes of me. Honestly, I don’t even know WHY I bother - I swear, it’s almost like some sort of COMPULSION! Just rambling on, and on, and on, and… oh dear, and I’m even doing it when there’s nobody to listen… …Hm. Actually, come to think of it… I wonder if he got the memo… ? 427? Ah, Employee 427? Hello? …Stanley, it’s ME - open the door! Oh, there you are Stanley! I do hope I wasn’t interrupting anything; oh, you were waiting for-? Well you… you didn’t HAVE to, you do realize that, right?? You were really just going to sit in your office, pushing your buttons, until I just HAPPENED to call out to you? I mean for heaven’s sake, Stanley! Don’t you want to take the initiative for even ONCE in your career? It could result in you getting promoted! Or possibly- well, probably more than likely, fired. But aren’t some things worth the- …What do you MEAN you already got one?? I just BROUGHT you a- Oh. Oh Stanley, you-you didn’t! You didn’t… heeheehee, really!? Well come onl, come on, get inside, quick! Shh! SHH!! Hahahahaaa, I can’t believe it!! I can’t BELIEVE you-what? NO, I’m not going to TELL! Gosh, what do you take me for, Stanley?? I mean you’re one of our most valuable employees; who ELSE could push buttons like you can, I ask you?? No-one, that’s who! Though I must say, haha, I never would have pegged YOU as the secret Bad Boy of the office! Mister Employee Four-Twenty-Seven, pilfering an extra slice of cake from under everyone’s collective nose! They’ll never suspect a thing! Hahaha…! …Oh come now, stop that, we’re not going to get CAUGHT. And even if we did, it’s probably my fault, anyway. Ugh, I must be a truly terrible influence on you, Stanley, I really must… it’s that horrid little rebellious streak in me. Probably why I never seem to get anywhere in this bloody office… Ah? Oh thank you Stanley, I’d love some coffee. Little more sugar if you could- yes, and- oh, you remembered! Ah yes, that’s lovely, I… oh, um, are you sure? I know how much everyone looks forward to our scheduled Standard Issue Office Sheet Cake, but you took that fair and - oh GO ON then, you absolute rascal! Since you’ve already cut it and everything… heh. Happy Whatever-It-Is, Stanley… —————————————————————————————————- This is a story about a man named Stanley. Today - if there even is such a thing as a ‘day’ any more - Stanley is in the Employee Break Room. A place he’d stopped by countless times previously, just to admire; the gray walls and dark blue carpet as comforting and familiar as they ever were. The couch; just as soft, yet firm enough to encourage the good sitting posture that was vital for employees. The whole place still smelling vaguely of printer ink, paper, and coffee. It was quiet now, given that all of Stanley’s coworkers had mysteriously vanished, leaving him alone in the office. Or, well… not quite alone. Not any more. Next to Stanley, on the couch, sat his Narrator. Some time ago, they’d had a fateful - and completely intentional, absolutely no mistakes were made - encounter in The Memory Zone. And since then, he’d decided to stick around. It just felt far more comfortable than unloading his model; it gave him something to anchor himself to, something that reminded him he was real. And all things considered, it wasn’t that bad. Even if he was still slowly learning to tolerate his… eh… he twisted the words around in his head, tossing aside epithets like “silly-looking” and “bizarre”, completely ignoring “ugly” and “monstrous” for a change, before finally settling on something. Unusual form. Yes, that will do for now… Ahem. Anyway; overall, The Narrator was, at least, willing to tolerate the unusual situation he’d found himself in. Since then, he’d found there was one thing more important to him than how he felt… and that was how Stanley, his protagonist, felt. After all; without him and without his co-operation, there was no story. There was no Stanley Parable without Stanley. So of course, as his Narrator, he couldn’t have him become lonely or depressed. Especially since the last time the Parable ended, The Narrator could have sworn they’d finally found freedom… They’d finally stepped outside; onto real grass and real dirt! Surrounded by real trees, under a real sky! On his very life, he could have sworn that they had... and yet… like a dream, or perhaps a burning memory, curling up in the flames like a discarded photograph, they’d found themselves back here. In the office. Right where they’d started. Perhaps they’d made a mistake somewhere… Stanley moved his hands, and the Narrator glanced downward. No, wait, he wasn’t saying anything; he was just fidgeting. And, he noticed, Stanley’s head had been resting against his shoulder - but it seemed from his half-laying, half-sprawled position on the couch, he’d slid down until his ear now rested against the Narrator’s stomach. Something that - the Narrator now realized - had probably been intentional. It was a comfort thing for him, apparently. Something about the liquid sloshing around in there helped him calm down. And perhaps it was the weight of Stanley’s head, or the soft sound of his breathing, or the gentle touch of his button-calloused fingers, but the Narrator couldn’t help but feel calmer too. It made things seem more… alright. Not entirely alright; not just after what they’d both been through, but more alright in himself. Like maybe he didn’t hate this body quite as much as he had previously. It certainly seemed to help keep his thoughts from going to much darker places... Stanley moved his hands again. The Narrator heaved a huge sigh. “Stanley, if you’re going to say something, just say it. I know you were disappointed with how our story ended, but we can’t try again if we just sit here and stew in our own failure… slow-cooking in regret… a crock-pot of misery and hopelessness, with a side dish of pointlessness, and a bitter-sweet ‘we’re never going to get out but at least we’re still here’ sauce… ” The Narrator’s words caught in his throat, and he stopped himself before he choked on them. No, no, he wasn’t going to let this get to him! This was his story! Nobody could tell him how to feel about it except him! He wasn’t about to backslide into utterly crushing despair… No, not him… definitely not… <Do you miss being human?> “W-what??” The Narrator boggled - he’d retired, undefeated, from Professional Boggling, but still boggled casually when the mood called for it - and looked down at Stanley. “You… “ He wondered for a moment how Stanley had remembered, but… of course he had. Back in the Memory Zone, they’d talked for hours, perhaps even longer, and of course sooner or later, everything had to come out. The fact that The Narrator still had memories of being human, once. Memories of having a real face, with makeup he’d painstakingly applied with real hands, that in turn had real nails, painted in office-appropriate colors. And how he couldn’t remember what he looked like, or what his name had been, but- “...You already know how I feel about that, Stanley. I can’t go back.” Somehow, the thought of returning to that time terrified him. Slowly, something had been coming together, at the core of the shattered funhouse mirror that made up his memories. Something that stared into his soul with a white-hot, searing sense of wrongness. Something that gave him no choice but to look away. I can’t go back to what I was before. I can’t. <I know that.> Stanley signed; taking a moment to sit up, he paused to think about what he was going to sign, as he often did. <But you really don’t miss anything?> “Stanley-” The Narrator started with a warning tone. Stanley certainly liked to push buttons; and apparently not only did he not know when to quit, but his obsession with button-pushing also applied to pushing other people’s buttons. But The Narrator couldn’t deny; the look on Stanley’s face held no malice. It was the same way he looked at The Narrator’s hands, when he ran his thumb over the line of stitches. The same way he watched the liquid inside his transparent globe of a belly slosh back and forth, and the way the light reflected off his plastic eyes. He remembered when Stanley had noticed his tie resembled The Stanley Parable Adventure Line™, and the biggest smile had crossed his face as his fingers traced its shape and felt its silky texture, wide eyes drinking in its bright color. Then they’d both just sat for a while, and reminisced about how they’d teamed up for the mis-adventure dubbed The Confusion Ending... It was pure, simple curiosity on Stanley’s face. The Narrator felt his cheeks flush involuntarily; it seemed he was still inexplicably fascinated by everything about him. And that, apparently, included what was inside his head. <I was just asking because…> Stanley hesitated again, looking away nervously. <Because you were talking about food. Do you miss it?> “Talking about-? Wait, was I - oh! Oh, Stanley… ” The Narrator laughed a little; “That was a metaphor! I wasn’t literally talking about those things, I was simply describing-” Stanley shook his head vigorously; waving his hands. Oh no. He wanted him to stop talking. The Narrator’s words had apparently got him thinking, and now he was practically buzzing with questions, a torrent of them starting to spill out like angry hornets from a disturbed nest. <Do you ever get hungry?> “I, ah… ” Did he feel hungry? He’d never really thought about it, but come to think of it… no. He’d never felt hungry; not once since he’d woken up like this. No urge to eat meant he’d never even tried to, though he had no reason to believe he couldn’t… and what was equally strange was he’d had no urge to drink, either. Or sleep! Or - well, this one was convenient, at least - use the facilities. And yet somehow it had never crossed his mind that this was unusual at all-? The Narrator wondered for a moment if it was simply the way his body was now; transformed from a mere human into some kind of immortal and ever-moving construct, perhaps by a Higher Power with a twisted sense of humor. But then… that couldn’t be true, could it? Because now that he thought about it; not only had he never felt hungry or thirsty since The Parable began, but neither had Stanley. But Stanley - dear, simple Stanley - seemingly hadn’t noticed anything was amiss. And he was still persisting in asking questions. <Do you still eat?> “I don’t have to.” The Narrator said curtly, prickling with defensiveness. “Why is this so important to you, exactly?” Dodging the Narrator’s question like a protagonist from a much more exciting genre would dodge bullets, Stanley was already tilting his head quizzically, locking and loading  yet another question. He squinted, like he was trying to make sense of something. The Narrator squinted back. The questions were already annoying him, but there was very little that irritated him more than being ignored, and he was about to launch into a lengthy rant when Stanley pointed to his face and asked... <Where is your mouth?> “What!?” The Narrator huffed, immediately caught off-guard by such a ridiculous question. “I mean, really?? Goodness, Stanley, I can’t believe you have to ask that! Obviously it’s right here!” He pointed to his mouth. Stanley just looked hopelessly confused. “Ugh, don’t look at me like that... you look like a puppy with a headache.” The Narrator sighed, rolling his eyes a little as he relented. Evidently, this wasn’t going to stop unless he did something to stop it. “Alright, just give me a moment. This should put an end to all these bloody questions… ” He reached into his memories. No, not all of them were smashed, broken, piled up in ways that only sort-of made sense like some kind of junk yard - oh no, not at all! Events, people, faces, things that had happened when he’d used to be human, anything that was complicated was a mess… but memories of things? Ah yes, things! Things were simple. He could handle things; hell, he’d even fabricated an entire Memory Zone out of things! Things were great! In fact, things were fantastic. There was no way things could possibly end badly. So of course, taking a memory of a simple chocolate chip cookie and manifesting it was hardly any effort at all; Stanley jumped a little as it appeared in The Narrator’s hand with a small ‘pop’. “Since you’re so utterly fixated on this for some reason, Stanley - allow me to demonstrate.” He took a bite. ————————————————————————————————— Meanwhile; a man named Stanley wasn’t entirely sure what he’d just seen happen. Nor was he entirely sure what he was still seeing, right in front of him, right now, as the Narrator took a second bite of the cookie he’d just created out of seemingly nothing, with the mouth he didn’t seem to have. But he was chewing all the same, complete with crunching sounds as if he had teeth… and there was a distant look crossing his face for a moment, as if he was taking a moment to taste it… “Mm, that is… my, that is actually rather good… ” said The Narrator, his voice slightly muffled from a mouthful of cookie. “In fact it's very good - I think perhaps I’ve outdone myself!” He brought the dessert level with his face, and - again! - a big bite suddenly disappeared. Stanley couldn’t help but stare. Not just because of how unreal it looked, but because The Narrator looked… happy. Very happy. His whole body seemed to have relaxed; and as he took another bite he actually made small, happy sounds, one of his glove-hands touching his own cheek as he rocked back and forth on his heels. “Mm… mm! Oh, I wasn’t expecting… Stanley, I know I made this, but this really tastes home-made! It’s simply del-i-cious!“ - munch, crunch - “So crisp! And chewy in the center… dark chocolate chips, a little sprinkle of salt… my gosh, it’s divine!” Stanley watched as The Narrator… licked the chocolate off his fingers? Somehow he knew that was what he was doing, even though he didn’t see a tongue. Trying to make sense of it, as the man pulled a napkin from his pocket and cleaned himself off, was starting to make his head feel weird… “Oh, Stanley! You simply must try one!” The Narrator said eagerly, offering a cookie with his other hand - he actually laughed a little, the experience having made him almost giddy. “Go ahead, it’s not going to bite you!” Stanley hadn’t even heard a ‘pop’ this time and yet here it was - another cookie, being held between glove-fingers, right under his nose. He looked at it for a moment; just like the other cookie, it had come from seemingly nowhere. But the smell of vanilla and brown sugar was real enough to make his mouth water, and the chocolate chips almost seemed to glisten under the office lights, like they were just slightly melted… “Oh come on, Stanley! I make an entire Memory Zone for you to walk through, and a bloody cookie is what makes you stand there, mouth agape??” The Narrator snapped, irritated by Stanley’s continued hesitation. “This is quite the treat, I’ll have you know!” Stanley carefully reached out his hand. “Don’t make me change my mind, because I will scoff the entire thing if you don’t.” Stanley snatched the cookie like it might run away from him and took a big bite. Immediately, Stanley exhaled through his nose; yes, now he understood. Now he felt that tingling from his very core; that rapidly rising tide of joy! The cookie was warm, and sweet, and its perfectly crispy edge practically melted on his tongue like buttery cotton candy. The crunchy exterior and soft, chewy interior were a symphony of textures. The chunky, bittersweet dark chocolate was a rich, heavy bass. And popping here and there to balance out all that sugar were little crystalline flakes of sea salt, that came in a flash and vanished like falling stars… He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a cookie this good. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a cookie. And now he desperately wanted a glass of milk to go with it. Stanley gestured frantically at the Narrator, hardly able to form a coherent sign. “A glass of-? Oh of course, what was I thinking!” Another pop, and there was suddenly a glass of milk in his hand. Suppressing his excitement for just a moment, Stanley steeled his nerves and sipped, letting the ice-cold drink contrast the gentle heat... and sighed. It tasted like how a warm blanket felt in the night air; his whole body wrapped in a comforting, nostalgic hug, made all the sweeter from the chill that lurked just on the edge. “Stanley, are you alright? You’re not allergic to something, are you?” The Narrator asked, squinting at him. “You’ve got a funny look on your face… ” Stanley couldn’t answer. Stanley was frozen in place. Stanley felt like he might cry. Stanley was unbelievably, overwhelmingly happy. Stanley desperately wanted to stim; to flap his hands out of sheer, overwhelming excitement, wrap his arms around himself and rock back and forth as his heart fluttered in his chest… but obviously he couldn’t, not with a cookie in one hand and a drink in the other. Then a particularly mischievous thought crept its way into his head, very softly, on tiptoe… and Stanley bit his lip. He shouldn’t. He really, really shouldn’t. He did. Stanley tore into the cookie like he was starving to the point of near-death; alternating between it and the milk in desperate gulps, crumbs falling between his fingers. He devoured the snack without any regard for table manners, office etiquette, or anything vaguely resembling human dignity - and he relished every single precious, visceral second of it, ending his frenzy with an utterly contented sigh. He stimmed gently, touching the backs of his own hands, enjoying the moment... “You, ah, must have been… hungry.” Then Stanley turned towards The Narrator. The smile fell from his face. And it may as well have shattered into pieces on the floor, from what he saw. The Narrator looked… pale. Almost like he was about to faint. Almost like he was expecting to get the worst news he’d ever heard in his life; news which would break his heart in such a way it would never heal right, and he’d carry this moment’s phantom pain for a lifetime. And Stanley, somehow, could tell clear as day what he was thinking… much like The Narrator seemed able to read his thoughts sometimes… In his obsessive quest to get his perfect ending, had he let his protagonist starve? <NO, NO!> Stanley shook his head, waving his hands in protest. He hadn’t been hungry, not at all! He knew he hadn’t been hungry in a long time and that had never really bothered him! After all, as The Narrator’s very important and heroic Protagonist, he’d had no shortage of very important and heroic things to do! But… Looking at the remaining chocolate stains on his shaking hands, he couldn’t deny, something else inside him had been absolutely ravenous. Something that had been so, so hungry, and was so, so thankful to be finally fed. With that hunger finally sated, there was a warm feeling curled up cozily inside him, like a purring cat on his chest. …It was almost like… “Like when you put your hand on me for the first time.” mused The Narrator, distantly. “You’re not hungry, but you haven’t tasted anything in hell knows how long… ” <And you haven’t, either!>, signed Stanley, a desperate, sympathetic look on his face. <Didn’t you ever make anything for yourself??> “I suppose the thought just never really occurred to me…” The Narrator sighed dejectedly, his face still a picture of regret. “I mean, I’m honestly surprised I even remembered how food tasted at all, but… knowing you were deprived of that joy… ?” Uh-oh. Stanley knew that look on The Narrator’s face; he only got that look when he was about to have another ‘crisis’, remembering or realizing something awful that sent him into a spiral of self-loathing and hopelessness. Sometimes he’d even ‘unload his model’ and disappear for what felt like hours, leaving nothing but the distant sound of sobbing; or worse, a horrible, yawning chasm of silence. Stanley reached out, gently taking the Narrator’s glove-hand, rubbing the back of it with his thumb; just like The Narrator did for him, when he felt overwhelmed. He just wanted him to be alright, please just be alright, but those big plastic eyes still looked so sad... “Oh, Stanley… you didn’t deserve that… ” The Narrator closed his eyes. He wasn’t crying, but Stanley listened to the sound and speed of his breathing, trying to gauge his mood, his emotions, trying to somehow figure this out and make him be alright again. Somehow, he had to try to take The Narrator’s focus off the idea that he’d hurt him… he needed to… he needed to sign something to snap him out of it, maybe? It was worth trying, if it meant even a slim chance of breaking the terrible, slowly rising tension. <Can you make more?> Not to mention the anxiety he himself was struggling to keep at bay; that maybe this time would be the time The Narrator wouldn’t come back. That he’d be alone again. And that it would be his fault somehow. “I… wait, what was that? Didn’t quite catch-” Stanley smiled excitedly; The Narrator had his eyes open again - and what was more, the stars had somehow aligned and fate had weaved its threads to grant him an idea! <You can make anything! You made the Memory Zone! You made the Baby Game! You even made me fly through space! So different kinds of food should be easy, right?> A cheeky little smirk crossed his face. <...Or is it too hard for you?> “WHAT?? Too HARD?!” The Narrator huffed, getting so riled up it almost looked like the liquid in his stomach was bubbling, boiling like a kettle. “Too hard indeed! What, do you think a vast, sprawling imagination like mine is restricted to mere snacks? That the depths of my wildest dreams contain no more than simple, infantile finger foods!?” Stanley relaxed his shoulders. Ah, much better; all he’d had to do was push the right buttons, and there was no more cringing, shrinking, or apologizing! The loud, proud, pompous voice that he adored was back! Though he’d have hardly called a chocolate chip cookie like that one ‘infantile’... “I mean after all, this is my story! And even if it is irrelevant to our ultimate goal, well, isn’t the journey just as important as the end? Is it not important to let our heroes breathe? To let them laugh, and love, and feast??” Stanley watched excitedly; The Narrator was gesturing energetically, pointing his finger in the air. He’d learned from their time together - that is, actually together, now that he could actually see him - that meant he was on a roll. And that always led somewhere interesting. “Well we shall feast! In fact, we shall have a veritable buffet!” Stanley snorted and bit his lip as he tried to keep a straight face; he’d pronounced it ‘boo-fay’, with a great amount of dramatic flair, which tickled him terribly. But he allowed him to continue… “Yes, a collection of culinary concoctions and creative cuisine! I see it now… there’ll be appetizers that delight and entrance! Entrees and side dishes, rivaling the banquets of kings! Desserts and patisserie to make you weep sugary tears of joy! Cocktails! A cheese course! Little things on sticks! Yes, yes, it’ll be fantastic! Stupendous, even! In fact, it’ll be-” …Until Stanley bravely put one hand on The Narrator’s shoulder, his gaze suddenly steely and determined. This could be his only chance he’d ever get for The Narrator to go along with an idea of his in its entirety. If he was going to do this, he was going to do it now - and he did, signing with his free hand. “A picnic in the Memory Zone… ?”

#The Stanley Parable #TSP Narrator #TSP Stanley #Stannarrator #TSP #TSPUD #Stanley/Narrator #Fanfic #Employee 436 #NO BETA WE DIE LIKE I DIED OVER HOW CUTE THESE TWO ARE

[breakableaeden]

My top surgery journey

Hi! My name's Aeden, and I'm a non-binary transmasc individual. I'm from Italy, and I'm studying arts at the Fine Arts Academy here in my hometown, Naples. And I need your help.

I knew I wasn't just as my pairs with their gender assigned at birth since I was 6 or so; I always loved dressing neutral, with big clothes and all kind of colours. I didn't quite understand all the gender's stereotypes, and all sorts of things regarding that. But my family didn't know at the time what "non-binary" means, and also me.

When I was 14/15, the most-known forms of sexual orientations were introduced to me: I learned I could love a person without boundaries, and so I stopped questioning my feelings. I identified first as queer, then as pansexual, and I dated two wonderful girls, the first one in 2016 and the second one in 2018.

One day, I was on vacation with my parents, and by an accident I used the equivalent of he/him pronouns while talking about me, and it didn't feel wrong to do it. I started using them with my girlfriend at the time, then a small group of friends. I even thought I was genderfluid, and started to learn more. But I wasn't mentally stable at the time, and with COVID-19 and all its complications in my personal life I pushed away those feelings and invalidated myself.

Then June 2021 arrived: with more researchs behind my back, I came out to my girlfriend and friends as a non-binary individual. Then, the person I dated for 3 long years decided it was time to part ways, and we broke up. I was devastated: I couldn't eat, sleep, I spent my days crying and wishing to end it all. This state of mind forced me to come out to my mom, who was very understanding of my feelings. So, this disaster of a Summer passed, and I was officially out to everybody as non-binary. I chopped my hair, bought some binders, and started dressing more alligned to what I was envisioning in my mind.

So, what changed today? An year passed, and I'm closing my journey at a public counselling centre for LGBTQIA+ folks. I'm getting a document I'll need to proceed here in my country with all the medical procedures I'll need, and also legal changing of documents and stuff. And that's why I'm asking for your help.

 I'm not a wealthy person, and legal procedures themselves will cost €1.500. Adding to that there'll be medical expenses, legal ones, recovery supplies, and stuff like that. I wanna achieve this goal because I can't see everyday the person I wanna be in the mirror, and I lived an year already struggling with a strong gender dysphoria and physical/psychological issues. I was depressed for a while and under meds, and I don't want to stop and fall again into bad habits and thoughts.

I hope you'll be interested in helping me: if you don't have so much money to spend, don't worry! You can also buy a subscription to my Twitch channel at https://www.twitch.tv/asayuna. Any kind of support, such as likes, comment, and shares, are gladly appreciated and more than enough.

I wish you all the best, and thank you for have read 'till here.

Here’s the link to the GoFundMe

Deeply grateful, Aeden

#topsurgery #transgender #trans #lgbtq #nonbinary #queer #pride #surgery #transmasculine #transpride #transition #thisiswhattranslookslike #genderqueer #transmasc #enby #lgbtpride #dysphoria #lgbtcommunity #gender #transandproud #mastectomy #theythem #transgenderpride #lgbtqia #pansexual #gofundme #gofund #gofundmedonations #gofundmecampaign #gofundmeplease

[ky-the-squiddy]

not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a gil not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a nirl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl not a girl   I’m not a girl.

#ky stuff #questionable gender #big dysphoria mood today folks #topped off with a generous helping of anxiety #or #really #a not-helping of anxiety

[happysadyoyo]

*tugs your sleeve*

If you don’t mind… I saw a post “no part trans ideology makes any sense. How can they say they are trans if they don’t believe in sex/bioessentialism?”

And I recently talked to a cishet man about why I know I’m non-binary; he didn’t press but we basically left it at “so it’s an awareness of self but nobody really knows how/why that happens?”

I had sent him summaries and explanation posts but the talk still feels… ended unsatisfyingly. Any ideas?

I need you to know I accidentally bopped one of my bettas while feeding the fish tank because I was thinking about this question and thought he was part of the food cube I was trying to unclump.

So RIP him (he's fine we just scared the shit out of each other).

And I'm gonna probably oversimplify this a bit, so I'm sure there'll be good additions/corrections once I've posted it since yanno. A single human meatbag like me can't be arsed to remember everything lol. I depend on the trans hivemind to keep my head on straight.

But basically there's roughlyish 3 schools of thought in trans circles about why people are trans. It's all biology, it's all society, or it's somewhere inbetween.

Again, oversimplifying. But then again we sorta oversimplify the splintering of second wave feminism into three main schools of thought, so have at ye yeah?

First, the biological. Helloooo transmeds and Serano. Basically these folks think that the answer to why a person is trans has to do with genetics or your brain or w/e. It's all encoded in the meatsack, be it electric or proteins. That's why. you get assholes saying you can't be trans without dysphoria. It's why you got Serano talking about "subconscious sex" and claiming any non male/female identity is only a partial expression of one's "true" sex. I figured out I was trans on the tail end of this big scientific push to learn about how gender works in people's brainspaces, so I grew up knowing about male/female brains.

Mind you, I didn't learn I was trans until I was 19, so I'd read this Scientific Evidence for Trans and Cis and be confused because well, I'm Cis(TM) so why does my brain not feel Female? And then post-trans awakening, I still felt very dissatisfied by that answer.

Ok so that's your bioessentialist argument for The Trans. Some of it is born out of old rhetoric meant to force wider society to take trans people seriously (I was ALWAYS like this! I ALWAYS knew!) -- not saying there aren't people that didn't or don't feel like that to this day. We just know that it's a pretty narrow minded way of looking at gender identity with plenty of people not realizing until they're older. Even Old. Like 25. Or 60. You know, Old.

I'm in a mood today apparently. Hoping this still makes sense.

Okay, next one is "it's society". Pretty much the extreme end of this is the idea that Everything about Gender is because of society. Did you know babies come out of the womb with accents? Like, legit, my seahorse dad nurse friend told me that babies literally listen with their little not even ears yet holes and learn about shit around them. It's nuts.

So basically, we know that male and female sexes come about for fucking and making more of us, and we know that waaaay back in the throw rock collect berry days certain traits got associated with each sex. Men (generally) were more of the hunters and protectors and women (generally) were more of the gatherers and nurturers. So we as a Species sorta evolved down to make the Best of Each Sex cause the people who lived long enough to fuck and make more of us passed on their genes.

Fun fact, that's part of why after a certain amount of time parts of our bodies crap out early. We weren't genetically pressured to have a good back after 25. We'd already had like 10 kids and 2 survived to go and make more babies to fuck and have 2 more kids grow up and fuck and they all have bad backs by 30. It's just neat.

Anyway, after awhile, people decided Women were This and Men were That and suddenly what was an evolutionary thing was a Gender/Sex thing. Fast forward a whole lot and suddenly. Gender Roles. And if you didn't fit those roles you were a pariah.

So you got babies learning when they're still becoming babies what gender is, you got society telling you what gender is, but something isn't clicking inside. It's not your gender, but people are all "gender and sex are the same thing and you were born with a long enough dick and no internal gonads or a hole so you're a boy bleh"

And it's confusing and not right and you look across the aisle and there's a lot there you do like so you look in the mirror and you say "Okay I'm not Caleb anymore. I'm Alice and I'm a girl." And oh hey. Euphoria. It feels right?

And maybe you play with being feminine and it's for you. Or maybe it's not. Maybe you find you're not totally one thing or the other. Maybe you want HRT, just a little, or surgery, or you must have it ALL. The point is, you didn't fit the gender roles people expected you to fit into, you didn't like the body you were supposed to have, etc etc. You're trans.

You'll notice this kinda ignores the Intersex in the room. And that's because intersex makes things Complicated for Everybody.

So you're looking at these two ideas right? And you're just, but what makes that gender thing click in your head? Is it biology, is it society? Is it neither? And all I can say, and any sane trans or cis person will say is

shrug

It's really up to an individual to say where they think their own gender identity comes from. Because it's literally impossible to create a world where we could "test" people's gender identities. That shit is encoded in us to some extent when we're fetuses. We have a biologically sexually diverse array of people. There's so many fertile "cis" men and women who are actually intersex, be it through chromosomes or hormones or whatever (this is why hormone talk in sports is dumb).

So the reason why all this shit is so complicated and weird is because it just is? We may be able to map out the human genome and see what chemicals makes our brains do what, but that doesn't mean we fully understand the how or why of it all. And it's not really bioessentialism to say "hey, there's probably some biological component to this" because well, there's no definite No on the matter.

What do I think personally is the root of it alll? I'll let these iconic bi boys speak for me here.

[7fckingidiots]

Would you be alright with writing some HCs about the brothers and a MC who's a trans guy? Sorry if it's a tall order or too vague, they're a big comfort for me and I'd like to see what ideas you have bcs your headcanons are fantastic ;w;

HELL YEAH DUDE!!!! IM ALSO TRANS!!! AH!!!!! demigirl rights :3 but i also find a huge comfort in the boys and i hc all of them as trans because no one can Stop Me •• but i really hope you enjoy these and remember you’re valid and i care u so much! Also i hope you don’t mind but i kinda made it gender neutral so every trans folk could enjoy!

The Brothers With A Trans MC

Lucifer

He didn’t know until you came out to him honestly. He knew all his other siblings were trans but with all the work Diavolo gave him and adding new students from different realms on top of that he hadn’t really had time to notice any minor changes in you.

He feels guilty about this and immediately makes sure(like everyone else)to ask for your pronouns, name, and how you would like to present yourself from now on.

Fixes your ID cards and your papers with Diavolo right after dinner

God. He’s such a dad and he gets you things that have your new name on them. You wake up to see you have a new pencil case with your name embroidered on it with matching pencils. God.....he’s so weird i love him so much

Asmo does most of your clothing shopping but for formal wear he takes you shopping! He’s not about to buy you some cheap tux or gown ok it’s gonna be over 2000 grim and he’s gonna get you three of them STOP HIM

He’s not the best with verbal affection so he writes down notes that are like “you looked very handsome/pretty today.” or when he first starts writing them they’re like “you’re a boy/girl/kid. i’m proud of you.” Thank u mr morningstar

You want surgery or to start hormones??? He will stop all his work with Diavolo and spend forever looking up things for you, he wants you to be as safe as possible(pls he almost fainted after he realized you’d have to give yourself a shot like everyday dhdhdhjdhd hc that demons/angels don’t have to do hormone therapy i’m so JEALOUS)

Practices saying your pronouns in his study when you first come out. He just wants to make sure you feel as safe as possible in his care(and he remembers how terrible it felt to be misgendered)

Guess what....he loves you no matter what :)

Mammon

You’re blind as hell if you couldn’t see his top scars but I respect it

King DOES slip up on your pronoun change but always immediately corrects himself. Satan has a spray bottle that he sprays Mammon with when he does it. Mammon is NOT amused but the same can’t be said for Belphie.

Gender affirming activities??? Oh yeah like robbing a bank?? That’s pretty gender neutral and trans right?? Yeah!!! Wow such a good supportive brother.

If you want you can wear the formal wear Lucifer bought you to the said bank heist. Boom trans rights

You can practice painting his nails or doing his makeup if you’re too nervous to do it on yourself first!! Dw if it’s bad he also can’t do makeup or paint nails so once you let him return the favor you’re both laughing and Asmo is distraught.

KING at dying hair he will get you whatever you need and if you want an entire different hair cut entirely he’s ON it

Very used to being Loud and Brash but if you need someone to talk to about anything really he always calms down and sits down to listen to whatever you have to say.

Lots of gendered gifts from him. This said for men??? Oh ok adds to cart. Oh pink??? For ladies??? yeah that can go in there too

You’re never gonna believe this.....But he loves you and supports you :)

Levi

He was the first one to come out to you at the house!! He was just so excited! Same hat!!!

Gets literally any video game where you can design the protag/have custom pronouns and will play games like that with you for hours

Would you like a pride flag.....for u.....He has too many.....Please take the trans flag please he has no room....he bought in bulk for a pride event and didn’t consider the consequences of his actions

Miku binder but irl. He will get if for you but unironically.....thanks King. He just likes binders with patterns and i respect IT

Dysphoria?? He gives you his hoodie bc that was his trademark dysphoria hoodie and i GUESS for you he can share............he would give u anything just ask nicely he’s sensitive

Reads any character that matches up with your gender and is like!!!!! That’s you!!!! OMG!!!! You in da IRL

Goes back and edits his tweets if they use your old name or pronouns(also has he/they in his bio. this is for nothing just makes me :D)

If you haven’t chosen your name he’s gonna suggest so many fictional characters. POV levi kin assigns you.

You listen to music together that just has Trans Vibes.....maybe u cry together but there’s no judgment!! It’s just nice :)

God it’s wild but! He loves u and thinks ur great :)

Satan

Enby Satan. That’s all :)

He’s very quite about it, he supports you! He’s just not loud like his brothers

He brings you book about gender studies and LGBTQ history that he thinks would interest you(there some of his favorite books and they’ve made him feel the most comfortable in his gender)

Gives you a name list if you haven’t named yourself yet! He cares about you and wants to make sure you have the right name that suits you

He’s the one that tells you that it’s ok if you’re still figuring it all out, learning about yourself is a very tricky process and if anyone knows that it’s Satan

Any of the brothers would kill anyone who misgendered you but with Satan that shit is ON SIGHT

Asks you how you know and what were the signs that gave it away to you, but only if you’re comfortable telling him!! He just finds everyone’s experience interesting and would like to know yours as well.

Spells for fucking DAYS Satan personally kills body dysphoria the best he can(mainly bc he’s HIGHKEY afraid of you getting surgery he hates knives so much)

Makes your comfort food for you when you’re feeling down about yourself and will read whatever you want to hear outloud to you.

!!!!!! GET THIS !!!!!! He loves YOU :0

Asmo

Fucking excited!!!! This means you two are going to buy so much clothing together and he gets to style you let’s GO

Buys you whatever you want but he will make you try it all on so be CAREFUL what u wish for.....ur gonna be there till the store closes yeah......

Paints your nails with the trans pride flag!! Also does your makeup and gives you tips on how to look more masculine or fem!!

VOICE LESSONS

He will help you lower or raise the pitch of your voice if it KILLS him. It eventually becomes like a mini class after school

Helps with internalized transphobia! Hes dealt with his fair share and knows how awful it can be and he will NOT being having you experience that as well we r practicing Self Care now

Picks apart any one who misgenders you until they’re crying he has NO fucking time for that behavior in this HOUSE

Sometimes self care is eating whatever you want and sitting in the dysphoria hoodies while watching chick flicks with Asmo

He likes dressing you up but he’s always sure to set boundaries so he never puts you into something that makes you feel uncomfortable

ALSO edits his posts and takes down anything that makes you uncomfortable!!

He loves you so much!!!!

Beel

another one to hand you The Dysphoria Hoodie and it’s very large and comfy!

he’ll help you make out a work out routine that will help you get the body you want and it makes him really happy to work out with you :)

he’s gonna hold your hand if you have to take shots and will give you puppy eyes if you don’t let him. He’s just worried!!!! He wants to help

stands behind you whenever you’re nervous about coming out to someone, he will NOT have someone making you feel bad or misgendering you

he’ll see food with trans pride colors and gives it too you, probably doesn’t even know what it is half the time but it made him think of you so he makes sure to get it for you

he doesn’t trip up on any of your new pronouns or name and makes it seem like he never even knew them. dead name???? what’s that??? a type of sauce?????

will let you vent to him whenever needed and will always make you a sundae after you’ve finished. it’s comically huge but it’s tasty and does make you feel a lot better, thanks beel

makes sure you remember to take off your binder if you’ve been wearing it for more than eight hours! and if you’ve been wearing heels to feel more fem he reminds you to take those off too and has a pair of slippers for you in his room that you can wear instead

hey! get this! He loves you so, so much :D

Belphie

you’re trans? ok kid join the club. he doesn’t make a big deal at all

are you still gonna cuddle with him and join him in his quest to make lucifer’s life difficult? yeah? ok then cool what’s ur name 

if he hears someone misgender you he waits till you’ve left the room and just kills whoever did it, dude’s unhinged what did you expect from him honestly

he’s actually really curious about any hormone therapy you’re on and likes listening to you rant about it to him. he likes seeing your face light up and it partly reminds him of lilith

calls your hormones something stupid like “oh dude, your gamer girl juice arrived.” or “hey your little man potion is here.” ...thanks belphie

will NOT let you sleep in a binder or push up bra!!! not healthy!! let ur chest breath guys 

like mammon, he gets you gendered gifts but they’re so fucking weird? you didn’t need a girls version of a collectable hot wheels set???? he got you blue lightning mcqueen sheets?????? those EXIST here????!!!!! when does he even shop......

introduces you to new people like “this is our resident boy/girl/human. they don’t do much but i think they’re cool.”

he really does care about you but he remembers when he came out he just didnt want people to make a big deal about it so he’s just doing what would have made him feel the most comfortable, but you can still see how much love he has for you when you look into his eyes

he loves you, so, so much :)

#obey me shall we date #obey me #obey me swd #obey me luficer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me levi #obey me satan #obey me asmo #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me beel #obey me belphegor #obey me belphie #lucifer x reader #mammon x reader #leviathan x reader #satan x reader #asmo x reader #asmodeus x reader #beel x reader #beelzebub x reader #belphie x reader #belphegor x reader #obey me hc #obey me headcanons

[foldingfittedsheets]

So I haven’t really done a big formal announcement before about being nonbinary. It honestly felt like more of a me thing, when people would misgender me it was a little internal wince but I’ve never minded pronouns or anything. Most of my friends know because I’ll offhandedly mention it if it comes up in conversation. I told my family at dinner one night that I didn’t feel male or female and no one really got it and still uses very gendered language when talking about me, or would deadname me because they thought my new name was just a nickname.

But lately it has been bothering me more. Especially after finding out my sister is transphobic. I feel like Janet, from the Good Place. I’m in this body, I can dress feminine on occasion, and use she/her pronouns but I’m not a girl. So today I decided to make a formal announcement on social media about it. Friends and folks I barely talk to poured out love and support. Several people clarified that she/her was really okay. Neither of my parents mentioned it, though I noticed both of them active.

And then later in the evening, my mom texted me asking if I had a new middle name picked out. When I told her, she said she liked it. I admitted that I’d put off a legal name change because I didn’t want to disrespect the gift she gave me. And she assured me that she loved me, and that my happiness was my own business. That they were both proud of me and supported me. And then she said, “goodnight my child” and it just made me so happy. And once again, I realize, you can experience gender euphoria without gender dysphoria.

#my life #nonbinary #lgbtq #gay shit #made my night #there’s been moments when we really struggle to connect but this felt good

[teaboot]

hey teaboot. i would really like to identify as nonbinary, but I don't feel the same crippling dysphoria/shame that practically all trans folks seem to experience when someone refers to them by different pronouns. my strongest response to different pronouns is mild annoyance, so not only do I feel like I don't really 'deserve' the trans label, I'm kind of scared I'll start feeling intensely negative when people misgender me if I do adopt it. any advice? (ok to answer publicly)

This is a sensitive issue so apologies in advance cause I'm not awake enough to be eloquent about it

Dysphoria is like.... Oh dear, how do I make this make sense.

Okay okay, so: imagine a dog. What kind of dog do you see? A big dog, like a lab? A husky, maybe? German shepherd? Maybe a big ole pitty. Think of that dog for a second.

Now, what is it about that dog that screams "dog" to you? What's the first thing you think of? The big wet nose? The floppy paws? The big pink tongue? 

Think of how you'd describe that dog to an alien. What would you tell them a dog is like? Friendly, cute, fluffy, playful, man's best friend?

Cool. Hold onto that thought.

Now I want you to G*ogle "nervous chihuahua" and let those conflicting images duke it out.

I will bet you so much money that that was not what came to mind when you first read the word "dog".

Can you imagine how an alien, having never known anything of dogs beyond your quick, surface-level description might not recognize the tinier one for what it is?

For most people just learning about trans people, one of the biggest things that sticks in their heads is "dysphoria". Which, fair- it's a distressing symptom. It's a significant symptom. It's distressing enough to invoke empathy, and noticeable enough that it's a halfway decent way to recognize it in ourselves. Someone says, "I hate my body"? You know they're experiencing something. You might not know *what*, but something.

You see a big, four-legged hairy thing with a swishy tail and a happy drooly mouth, you can recognize it as "dog", because that's the most popular representation you're used to. It looks like Clifford, Lassie, Old Yeller, Beethoven. That's a dog.

You see a tiny trembling naked thing with huge pointy ears and whiskers? That's not a dog. That's like.... A cat, maybe? Some kind of small fox?

It's not until you really start learning about the variety of dog breeds and animal species that you know that all kinds of critters can look absolutely nothing alike, and still be dogs.

A pug is nothing like a borzoi, but they're both the same species.

A trans person with dysphoria has a totally different experience to a trans person without, but they're both trans.

You have no need to feel shame for the person you are. You are a different breed, but the same genus- a cousin in the same family. Related, but not identical. You don't need to be instantly recognizable carbon copies to be siblings, and you don't need the exact same feelings and experiences to be trans. You just gotta.... *Be* trans.

And hey, fun thought: cis people? They don't spend a lot of time wishing they were different genders. If you find yourself wanting to be another, you probably are.

And what's the worst case scenario, really? You find out that you *are* binary, or you *are* cis? What's wrong with that? None of us are born knowing exactly who we are. You gotta be wrong about some things before you can be right! Personhood is a fluid thing, with or without gender- no decision you make today is set in stone. Play with that!

You're gonna make mistakes. You're gonna feel uncomfortable. You're gonna fuck up. But at the end of it, you'll have learned something real about yourself, and you only have one shot at that in this lifetime. Don't you want to get to know the person you're becoming? What form this life has given you? 

Even through the fear, isn't that exciting?

Breathe. Shrug. Try something new

[kaninchen-reblogs]

A long positivity post:

I hope all trans women, femme enbies, she/her agender folks, intersex women, GNC ladies, he/him lesbians, and girls who use neopronouns have a wonderful day.

I hope all trans men, masc enbies, he/him agender folks, intersex men, GNC fellas, and boys who use neopronouns have an amazing day.

I hope all trans, enby, and agender folks who prefer gender-neutral pronouns/neopronouns have a fantastic day.

I hope anyone who is experiencing dysphoria in any way feels better about themselves soon, and I hope you experience some gender-affirming euphoria today.

I hope anyone who isn’t currently experiencing dysphoria remains that way, and you continue to feel euphoric about the body you’re in.

I hope all new and/or “baby” queers who are trying out new labels, identities, and pronouns find something that fits and makes you happy. And don’t worry: there’s no rush, some things take time, and sometimes you’ll change labels later on. You’re still valid.

I hope all religious queer folks can find harmony between their identity and their religious beliefs, and find solace in worshipping a deity who loves you for who you are.

I hope all queer folks who prefer blanket terms and are content with “just being gay” know how much I love you for being comfortable and relaxed in your identity.

I hope all queer folks who use microlabels, MOGAI identities, and the split-attraction model know how much I adore your intrepid search for the best words to describe your beautiful selves.

I hope all queer folks of color are safe and happy and find the representation they so very much deserve, and I hope they know the world is so much better with them in it.

I hope all disabled queer folks of all kinds — depressed, anxious, autistic, schizophrenic, bipolar, psychotic, blind, deaf/HoH, folks with ADD/ADHD and other executive dysfunction disorders, queer folks who use wheelchairs, canes, walkers, and other mobility aids, queer folks with chronic pain, queer folks who are amputees, and the list keeps going on and on... — I love all of you so much. There are so many of you that I can hardly list you all, but thankfully my heart is big enough for all of you to fit in there.

Sincerely,

A disabled non-binary genderfluid trixic asexual quoiromantic ... or just “queer” for short!

(Feel free to add on with your own bits of positivity ❤️❤️❤️ Especially if you don’t see something here that you want represented!!)

(Please don’t discourse on this post, tag as “q-slur”, or interact if TERF/SWERF, truscum, transmed, exclusionist, anti-queer, MAP/NOMAP)

#kanny says things #sorry I’m just feeling sappy tonight I’m feeling a lot of love right now #I had some intense gender euphoria a few hours ago and I’m still kinda riding the high #I love my fellow queer folks so much #long post #positivity #queer positivity #and please no discourse I don’t have the spoons for dealing with it and I just want this to be positive

[alatismeni-theitsa]

Hi, I'm just curious. Were LGBT communities accepted in ancient Greece based on certain elements of Greek mythology, like some of the gods having lovers of both genders?

Disclaimers: This is a very broad summary and many cases haven't been covered, so I encourage you to search on your own. Google Scholar has many scientific papers on different subjects and I think you should take a look there. Read many papers so you get a better idea of the situation, and understand the biases of the authors.

It's generally very difficult to explain ancient concepts with the terminology we have today. If you got confused by terminology here feel free to ask what I meant. I didn't intend any harm to readers of this post. This is how some terms seem more appropriate to me as a Greek speaker.

Onto my own short answer:

Well "accepted" is a big word and very different of what most users in this site would think as "accepted". It wasn't such a serious "sin" but it was generally looked down upon, from the records we have today. (Remember, these were the societies that at large thought women shouldn't express their sexual desires if thought to even have any). At the same time it was known that such couples existed, but they couldn't get married or say this is my "life long partner" or something.

It's very possible queer couples were living happily "under the radar" or people around them looked the other way. In fact, I'd say the societies had (socially and on a superficial, formal level) crossed out queer couples so much that even if you went on a date or slept with someone "you shouldn't", it would people would think "aaah just two women having dinner in the tavern" or "two women sleeping together. Nothing can possibly happen. Women don't have sex with women anyways." Holding hands and hugging a lot between people wasn't something seen as inherently sexual, between people of the same sex (or perceived to be of the same sex). Women and men were quite segregated back then, largely working in their own domains, so lgbt+ didn't have many outsiders to judge them. The other members didn't know the ins and outs of how things worked in the opposite side of the social world, so it would be easy to fool a bunch of old women with "eh you know that's what we do in the army, you just have to sleep very close to each other!"

But given how much smaller societies were then, how little education people had, and how statistically unlikely was for someone to be queer in a village of 100 people, it would still make that person seem "odd" in most settings in "ancient Greece". I wouldn't want to try and go back at that time, to be honest with you.

In Classical Athens - and I suspect in most of cities, marriage was something done "for the good of the city" and not yours, anyways. So you could marry someone of the opposite sex because that's what the society wanted, and then chose another lover in secret.

I don't think trans folks were very "accepted", I have yet to find a text that says "this thing also happens in mythology with so and so god so we must accept it". There might have been efforts to explain things about the lgbt+ people through myths, but given that trans people are rarer than homosexuals (at least with the studies we have now) the acceptance wouldn't be bigger than this of the homosexual couples.

If trans people managed to hide their dysphoria or will to transition (something extremely difficult for many, I know) and only exhibited "opposite sex" behaviors they could still seem "odd" unfortunately. But bio women could be seen as, what we say a "tomboy" and bio men as "eh he likes doing [effeminate thing of the time] , but but he is a good lad". Of course that doesn't cover the struggle of being trans in those ancient societies, I am just saying how outsiders would perceive them. We know of some other societies around the world recognizing different genders and sexual identities as valid and celebrated, but we don't have such records from the Greek antiquity.

For people on the ace spectrum, they were affected by the fact that they were required to have sex and that's bad on its own.

Other lgbt+ (and cis and/or hetero, tbf) people also faced this struggle through the requirement of marriage to someone they weren't attracted to (and "rape" didn't even exist inside marriage for the ancient laws 😢). The city and the society didn't care much about your attraction - you were bound to the laws of your sex back then, no matter how you felt. We have mentions of lgbt+ folks and that means it wasn't all extremely bad and ominous then, but recognition doesn't necessarily mean acceptance, as "I can safely express myself".

Some people stayed single, but for women it was infinity more difficult to do such a thing.

Modern day Greece is relatively bad to be lgbt+ but still I would rather stay here than some period of the Greek antiquity.

For other identities, I don't think I can cover much.

As always, people, reblog and add stuff if you like! If you want to recommend some readings feel free to do so!

I have a tag lgbt+ in Greece and there are some sources there for antiquity, I think.

+Please, don't bugger me about terminology, we all know it changes every five years anyway - and not even in my country most of the time. Not all of us should be bound to Anglophone and US American expressions.

Plus, being considered heterosexual (or "cis") in ancient Greece was about biological sex, and that's why I focus so much on it. And I don't want to call people "males" and "females" and that why I used bio women and bio men.

#answered

[nothorses]

You don't have to answer if you don't wanna but what did Buck A do? I'm afraid if i google I'm just gonna get porn.

Buck Angel is a pretty vocal transmedicalist; he doesn’t believe that people can be trans without dysphoria. He’s also just generally stuck in some very “old fashioned” ideas about gender & queer rights as a whole, and while some of them have changed in time, he’s doubled down on a lot of them too.

For example, he calls himself “transsexual” with his explanation being that it indicates he’s “confident he made the right decision” vs. “transgenders” who are “just insecure”.

He talks about his views on this pretty frequently over on his twitter, and this is a compilation someone put together of some of the wilder things he’s done/said just in one month of twitter activity. Highlights include “thank you Blaire White!” and calling a TERF a “caring loving parent” for refusing her trans child proper healthcare. (I say “TERF” because of her use of ROGD and fearmongering over detransition.)

He also outed Lana Wachowski as a “cross-dresser” in an interview with Rolling Stone. Here’s an article that quotes from the Rolling Stone interview; “Jake Miller” is Buck’s real name.

Oh, and he ran an MLM scam on trans people who need surgery.

Some folks feel more positively toward him than others. He’s been a big voice for trans men for a long time, he’s a huge reason transmasc sex workers can get much work in the porn industry today, and he’s designed some sex toys catered toward people on testosterone HRT.

He’s also voiced his support for nonbinary folks despite his transmed beliefs, which isn’t all that valuable given how much harm transmedicalism does to NB folks, but I guess it’s worth acknowledging. [1] [2]

But, y’know, overall he’s done a lot of harm, and he’s shown little to no interest in changing the core beliefs people take issue with.

#trans #transgender #buck angel #not horses #transphobia tw #enbyphobia tw #exorsexism tw #transmisogyny tw #Anonymous

[sheisadykewomon]

What do you think of the theory that some young women, often girls who feel ostracised socially in their real lives, submerge themselves in fandom and online communities as an escape. And some get so deeply invested in identifying with male fictional characters, either through fanfiction or role playing, that they develop gender dysphoria as a result of spending most of their waking time living in a fantasy of being male?

I certainly think it's a problem and that theory makes sense to me. While I personally was never deeply involved in any fandom, I did spend A LOT of time online and playing video games when I was a kid, and I was on tumblr from ages 16-22ish. I was very dissociated and disconnected from my body. I don't blame the internet, but technology (internet, video games, 'fandom') was my "drug of choice" to escape from the uncomfortable feelings I had that I didn't know how to deal with. I can understand how some girls would notice (consciously or not) that when they are roleplaying online as male, they feel more freedom to act and think certain ways that aren't socially acceptable for girls. And especially through fanfiction, they can come to idealize and romanticize the 'male experience' as being better, more free, more 'real', more human than the 'female experience'. If you're not interacting much with real people -- male and female -- offline, you can develop some wildly distorted perceptions of reality. You can start to believe that there is something inherently different about male and female personalities, rather than those differences just being a result of socialization. Fiction, especially for younger folks, relies heavily on tropes. Tropes are based in reality, but of course, real people aren't tropes, real people are much more nuanced and complex than fictional characters. Teens should be making friends and meeting people and learning & developing conflict resolution and social skills. But a lot of them are spending the majority of their free time online and end up, I think, conflating reality with fiction -- because they aren't living in reality. They are living in their phones, in a made-up world that is preying on their naivety and vulnerability, that is designed specifically to distract them and keep them from thinking too deeply or critically about anything. It's far too easy for kids to fall into this trap, especially if their parents have no idea/don't care what they're doing online. Big picture, I honestly think this generation of kids is growing up emotionally stunted with very little help from those around them. I think adults, for the most part, have no idea what kids are truly getting up to online and/or don't have the emotional resources to help them. That scares me. I really do worry for teens today. It'll be interesting to see what happens as they come of age. Not to be a total downer, though, I think humans are resilient and kids are adaptable and I don't want to catastrophize. I do think there is a suspicious amount of overlap between extremely online teens who are heavily fandom-involved and the trans community. I don't think it's fair to say fandom is the cause, but it can be a signifier of a certain kind of obsessive personality that might make someone more susceptible to trans ideology.

#ask #dysphoria #gender critical

[thelightfluxtastic]

30DayTheri 10: Tangram Model

This may feel a little out-of-order, as I plan to write future posts going into more detail about the exact experiences (noemata, behaviors, etc.) that I associate with my therianthropy, and why I identify as a psychological therian. But today, I’ll summarize those things briefly in order to get at a metaphor for how I construct identity, period.

So first, a bulleted list of the kinds of things I, personally, associate with my therianthropy:

Behaviors

Food preferences

Growling and barking urges

“Fetching” behaviors (will probably elaborate later)

Mouth = 3rd hand (I thought this was normal, my bf gently poked fun)

Internal experiences

Phantom shifts (ears, tail, teeth)

Mental shifts

Noemata (red and white fur, pattern, general body size)

“Me” recognition feeling in response to dogs

Euphoria at being seen as a dog

“My person” interpersonal feelings

Sheep protective feelings

Traits

Extroversion

Responsiveness to rewards (yes this is linked to extroversion)

General sociability/friendliness

Suggestibility

Social Submissiveness

Passion/identification with animals in general

Not sure if therianthropy or something else

Sensitivity to sound and smell

Constant chewing habit

Singing preferences (this one is weird and ???)

The thing about literally everything on the list above? All of it could have a different explanation. It’s the sum, not the parts, isn’t it? Any identity, if one is asked to explain “how do you know you’re X?”, the individual reasons are never 100% applicable. Just like roleplaying as a different gender in video games is a common trans experience, but not exclusive to all or only trans folks. Or how I’m Lithuanian for several reasons (I was born there, my parents and grandparents were, I speak the language and participate in the culture). Another person might have been born there but not speak the language. Another might have only distant ancestry but participate in the culture. Etc. Etc. I’m sure there are otherkin that have a list of experiences with no overlap with mine (past life memories, dream shifts, species dysphoria) who are still equally otherkin. No specific reason is the necessary-and-sufficient factor.

And here’s the thing- I don’t care if there are other explanations. Even if literally everything I ascribe to therianthropy can be broken down into normal personality traits, neurodivergence, random chance, etc., to me, that doesn’t erase my ability to draw a circle around those traits and call it therianthropy, especially if doing so helps me navigate the world and makes me happy.

Identity is often approached, I think, like a jigsaw puzzle: the pieces only fit together a certain way, and once you figure out all of them, you can get one correct picture. Consider this really neat post that compares a therian and an autistic person, pointing out external behaviors that may seem similar, but are internally caused by different things.

Here’s the thing. People don’t know why they do things. It’s a whole thing called the introspection illusion. If someone is trying to introspect to determine “am I doing this for sensory reasons or otherkin reasons?”, they have no assurance of getting the right answer. It’s just not that neatly knowable.

I would like to introduce instead the metaphor of a tangram. A tangram is a type of puzzle where there is a set of seven pieces, which need to be arranged (without gaps or overlaps) to make a bigger picture. You can play a bunch here. The point of a tangram is that the pieces are literally all the same. They don’t have patterns like a jigsaw puzzle, the whole point is “how many shapes can I make out of the exact same set?”.

So that’s how I see my therianthropy, when it comes to questioning how much of it is influenced by “other” things, like personality and neurodivergence and childhood experiences and quirks and habits. For me, pointing to my chewing behavior and going “that’s just stimming, like in autism” or my food preferences and going “that’s just coincidence” is a little like pointing out that both a cat and rabbit tangram have the same big triangle piece in it. Like...so what? The individual pieces could belong to anything. In me, they make a larger picture of a dog, and that’s whats important to me.

((Or for another metaphor, tacos, burritos and quesadillas can have similar or many overlapping ingredients, but the difference in arrangement and preparation still matters))

#30 Days of Therianthropy #therian #tangram #mine

[blitz-and-hearth]

Some empty cups family trans headcanons because I’m feeling dysphoric after being called she all Thanksgiving and need that good shit right now (tw for talking about periods, dysphoria, and transphobia) And when I say empty cups, I mean all the empty cups so long post beware 

Blitzen figured it out at a very young age, his father Bili had some nonbinary leanings (but didn’t know it was a thing when he was young) so he encouraged little Blitz to experiment with gender expression to his heart’s content  

He was probably about 7 or 8 when he decided to start going by male pronouns 

Blitzen is his birth name, dwarven names are usually pretty gender-neutral. He didn’t feel like he needed to change it 

Thanks to both male and female dwarves growing beards he’s pretty comfortable in his own skin even after puberty. He does end up getting top surgery the very minute he can though. Has no plans for bottom surgery 

BUTTON UP SHIRTS AND LAYERS ALL THE TIME 

It's just a transmasc thing

And you know he’s always wearing suits and ties not just because they’re fashionable but make him very euphoric

Dwarven culture isn’t much better than humans when it comes to accepting trans folk, however, they do consider cosmetic surgery a craft, so their own rules mean they have to respect any and all transitioning surgeries  

Mostly Blitzen just doesn’t talk about it much unless someone else brings it up. His father never made a big deal out of it so neither does he

Mostly situational dysphoria, when he’s around his mother or other people who knew him before he transition, other dwarves who can better tell the different subtleties of cis dwarf gender, and of course on the dreaded shark week 

Humans and Midgard are both awesome because they see the beard and can’t tell the difference between “male” vs “female” facial hair like other dwarves do. Very easy to pass there 

Hearthstone obviously was not in a safe place to explore his gender growing up

On top of all the other shit he had going on during his childhood he was constantly feeling wrong and uncomfortable in his own body 

Lots of dissociation and frustration

Alderman wouldn’t let him cut his hair, forced him to wear dresses, and constantly said shit like “bE mOrE lAdYlIkE”  

Hearthstone finally figures it out after accidentally stumbling across some websites while trying to research magic. It's just a post on a blog about some spell for good luck to help with transitioning but it’s how he learns being trans is like a real thing 

It was both great to know there were other people like him but also like the worst possible news because he knows he could never ever come out and transition while living under his parent’s roof 

He was only about 13 and lots of tears were had that night

The very next day he has his first period and just can not anymore 

Full snap, cuts his hair short for the very first time, binds his chest grabs what little he owns and gets the hell out of there that day 

Meets Blitzen like right after so needless to say he didn’t get much time to explore. He wasn’t about to come out to someone he just met, that shits scary what would he do if Blitzen didn’t accept him? He wouldn’t be strong enough to try world jumping for weeks and wouldn’t survive in Nidavellir without the sunbed 

Blitzen had his suspicions but obviously understood why he’d be nervous about coming out, so he just kept his mouth shut about it until Hearthstone felt like talking about it 

I’ve made a post about this before, but it happens on accident while Hearth is changing because a) he wasn’t allowed to lock doors growing up b) wouldn’t notice if you knocked to see if he’s in there anyway 

What’s not reflected in the comic is Blitzen silently screaming because Hearth has been using ace bandages to bind does he know how dangerous that is???? But he didn’t say anything about it right then because this was a sensitive situation and he wanted to make sure Hearthstone knew he was in the same boat and nothing would change before starting to scold him  

Hearthstone cried a lot

It's a big moment that builds their friendship and later romantic relationship and after that Hearthstone starts being a lot more honest about his past with Blitzen

Hearthstone isn’t his birth name, his dead name is probably something to do with flowers, super feminine and he hated it. He doesn’t have a real reason for choosing Hearthstone since it was a bit spur of the moment when Blitzen asked his name. Blitz later asked if he’s sure that's what he wants to go with and Hearthstone decides to stick with it 

Part of the deal with Mimir was his parents forgetting that he was born female. It really was no question at all which choice he’d take 

(Inge remembers but respects his pronouns because she’s a fucking decent person) 

It’s the only reason Alderman didn’t constantly misgender and deadname him. Being in his old home and seeing his father still reminds him of how it used to be though 

Hearth has more bad dysphoria days than good. Blitzen is always right there to tell him he looks handsome and very masculine today. Blitz doesn’t have as many bad dysphoria days but you bet your ass when he does Hearthstone will absolutely provide a constant flow of compliments until he starts to feel better   

Hearthstone used runes to transition because if you’re trans you’ve totally daydreamed about how awesome and less scary it would be if magic was real. He offered Blitzen to do the same but Blitz had already had top surgery and doesn't really want bottom surgery so he turns it down 

Magnus was also encouraged to try exploring his gender from a young age by his mother 

I mean.... Just take a moment look at Magnus’ mom for a sec 

Yeah that woman ain’t straight Magnus had a good childhood while she was around 

I still think it took him a while though

Just because he didn’t really think about it much until puberty happened 

He was just starting to think about his gender when his mother died 

Later looking back it makes him really sad that he never got to tell her

Then he was homeless and a bit busy 

He learned Blitzen and Hearth are both trans pretty quick though 

I think this is even mentioned in canon that there's not a lot of privacy living on the street 

Probably got an idea when he ran out of pads 

Magnus: Fuck I’m out of pads and still got like three days left :/ Blitzen: *handing him some spare pads* Here I got you covered kid Magnus: ?????? Why? do you have these???? 

He’s a little slow on the uptake bless him 

Eventually, he sees Blitz and Hearth’s chest scars and is like OH 

He starts asking them both a lot of questions, still thinking its just innocent curiosity but Blitz and Hearth are sharing knowing looks the whole time

Sure enough like only a few days later he’s like “I think I wanna go by Magnus now” 

His mother had mentioned to him that’s the name she’d have gone with if he’d been born male and he liked it enough to keep her wish 

I wanna say his dead name starts with a B? I dunno why    

Birthdays don’t mean much to Magnus while homeless but Blitzen and Hearthstone get him a binder for his 15th birthday, refuse to explain where they got it 

(Blitz made it but Hearth was the one to steal the materials he needed) 

Magnus obviously never had the option for medical transitioning while alive and homeless, but if given the choice he’d probably get on T but not have any surgeries

Jack is a sword who canonically picked his own name and it’s talked about there being female swords despite having no genital or way to tell, all living weapons choose their own gender he’s trans 

Samirah can’t remember not knowing she was a girl 

Like Alex she probably just knew from very early 

Her grandparents are mentioned being a bit more forward-thinking so while they’re probably not happy per se they allow her to experiment anyway, thinking it a phase 

It’s not a phase 

Her grandparents mess up her pronouns often and don’t get it all, but its happened less and less the longer she’s been going by female pronouns

They eventually arrange her a properly planned marriage once they realize she’s not changing her mind about being a girl, much to her pleasure  

Wearing her hijab and following other classic Muslim gender rules, like having a betrothed and not being alone with a boy, make her very euphoric and happy 

She knew right away Magnus was trans too since she like... literally handled his soul when taking him to Valhalla

Seems like something a Valkyrie would be able to tell 

Sam is very excited because this is the first time she’s met another trans person but doesn’t know how to bring it up 

I’m picturing it happening after they meet Thor when she and Magnus are talking by the campfire 

She just awkwardly blurts out “So uh gender huh?”

Magnus has no idea what she’s trying to say at first but once he does he’s very excited to talk trans with her 

ftm and mtf solidarity bitch!!!!

Then Alex gets thrown into the mix 

She doesn’t know about any of this  

Eventually, Sam finds the time to talk to her about her gender, and naturally Alex is ecstatic. It's part of why he takes such joy in being Sam’s chaperone

This happens pretty soon after Alex arrives in Vallhalla 

But Alex doesn’t find out the rest are trans too till much later 

It just sort of slips out from Blitz, a mention of feeling a bit dysphoric that day and Alex is like “!?!!!!” 

After hearing a bit more about Alex’s past Blitzen goes to Hearth and suggests he talk to her 

They have a very good venting session about growing up trans with shitty shitty parents 

Alex learns about Magnus last 

It’s when he comes to Magnus’ room after celebrating and Magnus got covered in chocolate 

Magnus has his shirt off and Alex sees his binder and is just like “!!!!!!” 

Magnus is a bit flustered but doesn’t really mind being seen shirtless since its Alex and he already knows he’s trans too so he’s not about to get attacked or called a slur 

Just like... Alex realizing his whole new little family is trans 

Just the whole empty cups fam being trans and all having very different ways of experiencing and expressing it but supporting each other through it all. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk

#Jeez I had a lot more to say then I thought I did #Just had to get it all out man #need it #this is what I do instead of therapy #magnus chase and the gods of asgard #mcga headcanon #empty cup family #empty cups #trans headcanon #trans pride #magnus chase #alex fierro #samirah al abbas #mcga blitzen #blitzen son of freya #mcga hearthstone #hearthstone alderman #fierrochase #magnus x alex #Magnus/alex #blitzstone #blitzen/hearthstone #blitzen x hearthstone #Mcga Alderman #Mcga Bilí #mimir #jack the sword #sword of summer #the hammer of thor #Ship of the Dead

[mindfulwrathwrites]

What Does Transness Feel Like?

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One of the most common gaps in understanding I see from cisgender (“not-trans”) folks is that they find it extremely difficult to conceptualize what transness even is. The frame of reference is simply non-existent, and this can make it very difficult to have empathy for the kinds of things trans folks go through on a daily basis. Common questions include: “How did you know?” “How can you feel like a different gender?” “Why does it matter so much what people call you?”

And I get it, I do. It’s hard to understand something you’ve never experienced. So, for the cis folks in my audience (i.e. those who identify completely with the gender they were assigned at birth), we’re going to go through some thought exercises.

I will also add this caveat: every trans person is different, therefore every trans experience is different. I can only explain from my own frame of reference and try to highlight the most common commonalities I’ve seen in the community. If you really want to “get it,” I encourage you to talk with a diversity of trans people—trans women and trans men, nonbinary trans people (masculine, feminine, both, other, none of the above), trans people of color, disabled trans people, Jewish and Muslim trans people, etc. etc. etc. There are a lot of trans experiences that I personally don’t experience.

Example 1: Physical Dysphoria

Think of a close friend or family member whose gender is different from yours—for preference, someone close to your own age, like a sibling or a partner. Imagine you wake up in their body.

Take a moment to look at yourself from the first-person perspective. What do your hands look like now? When you look towards your belly-button, what do you see? When you look in the mirror, what kind of face is looking back? Remember that it’s your face, now, your hands, your body. What do you smell like this morning? What’s the texture of your hair, if you have it today? How tall are you? Will your clothes, the clothes you wore yesterday, still fit you? What does your voice sound like when you say good morning?

What are the differences between what you expect to see and what you do see? What if those differences are permanent? Is it okay if you can never change back, if you’re stuck in this body forever? Will you get used to it? Will you ever expect to see this new body, this new face, when you look in the mirror?

Would you try to get your old body back? How hard would you try? Why would you try that hard? If you couldn’t get your old body back, if your old body was gone (and the person you swapped with didn’t need theirs back), would you try to change the new one to be more like the old? What would you be willing to go through to have a body that almost fit, rather than one that didn’t fit at all?

In this example, the difference between what you see and what you feel, that mismatched expectation, is what lies at the root of my physical gender dysphoria. When you’re suddenly body-swapped, of course, you know why this body you’re in looks and feels mismatched—but imagine you grew up in that body. Imagine puberty, when these things that aren’t yours begin to appear in earnest. Maybe it would have been so wrong, so distressing, that you would have known right away why. Maybe you wouldn’t have. Maybe you weren’t aware that pain was not a normal part of growing up. Maybe you just didn’t know there was any other option.

If you grew up in a body that didn’t fit you, it might take you a long, long time to figure out why you were chafing. It might take some deep, rigorous soul-searching. It might take extensive discussion with other people who had the same problems and managed to figure it out. Many trans folks don’t figure out they’re trans until they’re adults, in their 20s or 30s or 40s or older, because they don’t have the frame of reference, either. Some never figure it out. I count myself lucky that I got there as early as I did.

Example 2: Social Dysphoria

Let’s say, for the sake of argument, that you’re pretty comfortable in your other-gender body for the moment. You’ve taken some time at home to get used to it, figured out how it works, and generally aren’t upset by it. You’ve accepted how you look and feel at this point, and you’re ready to get back out into the world.

Remember: you’re still you. Same name, same gender, same title and pronouns. Different body.

First question: how do you dress before you leave the house? Do you wear your clothes, or do you wear the clothes of the person whose body you’re in? Is it more important to match your interior experience, or your exterior appearance? If you dress in your clothes, will you be safe outside? Will you be laughed at, shunned, perhaps even assaulted?

Get dressed. You’re going to be late for work.

Let’s say you take the bus. Does the bus driver call you sir today, or ma’am? How do you feel when they do? Maybe it doesn’t bother you. Maybe you brush it off. You thank them—what does your voice sound like? Does it reinforce the bus driver’s choice of words? Does it match you?

Who do you sit next to on the bus? Who chooses to sit next to you? How do the other passengers look at you, and who are they seeing when they do? Are they seeing you, or just the body you’re in?

How did you dress this morning? Are you safe?

Let’s say you get to work with no further issues. Your coworkers call you by the name that goes with the body you’re in, use the pronouns that come attached. As far as they know, this is how you’ve always looked, how they’ve always referred to you. Do you correct them? Do you say, actually, no, today it’s different? If you asked them to accommodate you, would they? Would you feel safe asking them? Would you feel safe asking the same of your boss?

How do your coworkers talk to you? Is it the same way they’ve always talked to you, or are there subtle differences? Are you being taken more or less seriously? Who’s chummier all of a sudden, and who’s making you uncomfortable? Who are you making uncomfortable? Are you overreacting? Do you bite your tongue at the water cooler when somebody tells a funny story about you and six times in a row uses the wrong pronouns? Do you correct them when they introduce you to the new hire with the wrong name, wrong title, wrong gender?

All your documents, your email, the display on the phone, all have the wrong name on them, too. Does it bother you? Does it start to wear on you?

Breakfast was a few hours ago. Biology is calling. Which bathroom do you use? Which bathroom is it safe for you to use? Do you trust your coworkers? Do you really, really trust your coworkers? Or maybe you went out to lunch. There’s bathrooms at the restaurant, Men and Women. Which one do you use? Who will recognize you as belonging? Which would you be comfortable in? Where are you least likely to be assaulted or harassed? Where are you safe?

How did you dress this morning?

In this example, there is again a mismatch, but this time between perception and internal experience—for me, this is the root cause of social gender dysphoria. A trans person can be perfectly comfortable in their body when they’re alone, but inhabiting the social space of a different gender is, to a greater or lesser extent, distressing. It can be difficult to untangle social dysphoria from the fear of harm that comes with being trans in a transphobic society. Do I avoid wearing skirts because I don’t want to be seen as female, or because I’m afraid of being assaulted? I might like to wear a skirt, I might think they’re fun and comfortable—but I have a beard, broad shoulders and a square jaw, a deep voice. I am consistently read as ‘male’ when I’m out in public. Is it safe for me to wear a skirt outside? Is it safe for me to use public restrooms today? Whether or not I’m comfortable with my current presentation has an awful lot to do with who’s looking.

Example 3: Gender Euphoria

Maybe none of this is distressing to you. Maybe the answers to all of those questions up there are easy. Maybe none of it is a big deal.

But now, let’s say that after all of this has transpired, after you’ve been through a week or a month or a year of being body-swapped, imagine you wake up back in your body, just the way it was when you left it. All your scars in their places, every freckle right where you left it, your hair the right texture and your voice the right tone. Everyone uses the right name for you, the right pronouns, the right title. Maybe you’re absolutely elated! Maybe this brings such joy to you that you never, ever want to swap bodies again, even though being in the other body didn’t bother you at all.

This isn’t as a huge of a deviation from the trans experience as you might think—some trans people don’t experience dysphoria at all! And, in that same vein, some cis people do experience dysphoria—a cis woman who grows a beard may experience the same dysphoria as a trans woman who grows a beard; a cis man who is shorter than average may experience the same dysphoria as a short trans man.

Many trans people experience, rather than gender dysphoria, gender euphoria, where being in a body or a social space that matches their internal experience brings them great joy, rather than just an easing of pain. Even if there was no pain to start off with, occupying and presenting as their internally experienced gender, rather than the one they were assigned at birth, brings them immense pleasure and fulfillment.

Personally, I experience both gender dysphoria and gender euphoria. Being called by the wrong name or the wrong pronouns makes me feel physically ill. I detest the width of my hips, lament my lack of Adam’s apple, and get an ache in my chest when I have to stand in a group of other men who are all six inches taller than me. I hated my breasts so much that I had them surgically removed (I try not to say “I had my chest fixed,” because it wasn’t broken, even though it was deeply, intrinsically wrong for me). But I love my voice, love how it sounds when I speak and when I sing; I adore the shape of my jaw and the way my new beard draws attention to it; there is music in my name today.

From the age of twelve to the age of twenty-six, I was never, not once, comfortable. Sometimes I was in pain, sometimes I wasn’t, but there was never a time when I was comfortable.

It took less than six months of hormone replacement therapy to fix that.

I can’t tell you what the Trans Experience is. There are as many trans experiences as there are trans people. I hope, however, that giving you a window into my trans experience has given you a little more perspective, a little clearer frame of reference for the next trans experience you hear.

Be gentle with people, stand up to bigots, and for God’s sake don’t ask anybody about their genitals.

#31 Mar 2020 #tdov #tdov2020 #dysphoria #gender dysphoria #gender euphoria #long post

[cherrincity]

Cherrin City Soundbytes Casting Call

Hi all! I’m making a new podcast and I’d love to get some voice actors in it! Tag a friend you think would be interested!

Cherrin City Soundbytes is an anthology series about the lives of people living in the world's most prominent city of superheroes. Ranging from annoyingly mundane to cosmically fantastic, these stories try to capture the reality of this world's average. What get to be mundane when a bug alien from outer space saves your life? What is moral when a laid off employee tries to drown only the financial district? Most people are just trying to get by, and this is what we get to hear. As the name implies, these episodes will mostly be short. The show focuses on the humanity of people, despite their fantastical environment. The episodes will tend to be kind of... somber, but not devoid of hope.

Cherrin City Soundbytes is a Piece of Cake Podcasting Network Production! As such, we highly encourage Black, Indigenous and Mixed voice actors, as well as other actors of colour to audition, though others may do so as long as they respect the listed identities of the characters. Again to reiterate: please audition for parts that reflect your identity. For example, if you are not South Asian, do not audition for the specifically South Asian roles. If you are not nonbinary, please do not audition for the specifically nonbinary roles. Alternatively, if a role has its gender listed as open, that means any person of any gender may audition for that role. There are 17 different roles, so please stick to the ones that fit you or can accommodate you! In addition to this, please be 18 years of age or older to audition.

For each audition, you may do up to three takes of each line. Please compile them all into a single .mp3 or .wav file. If you are accepted for this podcast, we will be doing remote recordings with mandatory synchronous table reads. Please audition with the recording space you will use if hired. These roles will be paid $40 CAD over paypal.

Content warnings for this year of production include: violence, foul language, body horror, death, kidnapping, manipulation, body dysphoria and large insects. Not all warnings apply for every role; please feel free to send an email to [email protected] for more information or for any other questions you may have. Auditions will be open until October 31st, 2020.

Please note that all auditions must be sent through the google form link below. Any auditions sent to the email will be invalid.  Feel free to audition for as many roles as you are able to fulfill, but please submit a new form and audio file for each role you

In summary:

17 roles open for auditions

Only audition for roles that fit your identity or can accommodate you

Be 18 years of age or older

Send us up to 3 takes per each line, all in one file

This podcast will be remotely recorded

These roles will be paid $40 CAD over paypal

Auditions open until October 31st, 2020

Please only send auditions through this link: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSc2kVXIFTY9IOiNvRSQWvIrB8LiIrI46xFOeFtuq2sb6xBlVA/viewform?vc=0&c=0&w=1&flr=0&gxids=7628

Roles

The Cherrin University Radio Host

Gender: Written as a cis woman, but trans and nonbinary people who are comfortable with she/her pronouns may audition

Ethnicity: South Asian

Age: Late teens, early twenties

Description: The Cherrin university radio host is an anonymous young woman who feels passionately for under discussed causes. Whether or not she does anything for them outside of ranting on a late night radio show is a bit of a sore spot, but no matter the issue she takes it seriously.

Lines:

It is 2:55 am, which means that it is technically the Cherrin City day of Super Powered Individuals Remembrance. Created by the city about 4 years ago, on paper the day exists to remember every super powered individual who has died. In action, the city uses it to lionize the dead members of their private task force and coerce more people into joining it.

The problem with being perceivable is that people look at you. And when people look at you, and they keep looking at you, you start to get recognized. (long pause) That has not always been a pleasant thing, in my experience.

Solla

Gender: Written as an alien who identifies as Female, but trans and nonbinary people who are comfortable with she/her pronouns may audition

Ethnicity: Black

Age: several thousand years old, but doesn't really show it

Description: Solla is a dedicated member to the Cherrin City Starlight Watchers Squad, and is accustomed to working with her team both in bringing down extra terrestrial villains and tackling the enthusiastic and seemingly-ceaseless questions of the Cherrin City press. Polite, patient to a fault and kind of the mom of her group.

Lines:

Yes, I am Solla of the Cherrin City Starlight Watchers Squad. Yes I am an alien, and yes I know English, among several other languages. I appreciate all nice comments, but if you'd like to say something more in depth, you can email the city.

I am so sorry, but I have to go.

Henry Austin Bolte

Gender: Written as a cis man, but trans and nonbinary people comfortable with he/him pronouns may audition

Ethnicity: Open

Age: Mid twenties

Description: A gay, recently graduated costume designer trying to make it in Cherrin in the early 2000s. Also recently dumped, and kinda lonely. Very good at what he does, but uncomfortable with discussions of money.

Lines:

(sighs) Look, Vee, I don't care if this is some sex thing or whatever, I just need to know how you intend to use the suit so I can make it appropriately. You don't want some combo of kevlar and body armour if you're trying to fuck someone, right?

You did it. You're the one who did it. Oh my god.

V

Gender: Nonbinary (using he/they pronouns)

Ethnicity: Open

Age: Mid twenties

Description: An ambitious young person, also recently graduated. He's got big plans for his future and is not above manipulating other people to get what he wants. Hates being called desperate. Out of all the morally gray characters in this casting call, this person is the most 'super villain' out of all of them.

Lines:

I am not desperate. I am not a lucky, hapless fool. I am deliberate and calculating, and clever!

If you do anything to lose that respect... well. I know where to express my concerns.

Devon Milligan

Gender: Written as a cis man, but trans and nonbinary people comfortable with he/him pronouns may audition

Ethnicity: Black

Age: Mid teens to early twenties

Description: Devon is a loyal young man part of the Cherrin City East End Exemplars. He has difficulty reacting decisively to surprises and can be slightly stubborn. But he appreciates honesty.

Lines:

How does getting up at 5am help out your scheme?

So you're all about making life better for yourself and no one else?

I-SPI

Gender: Written as a cis woman, but trans and nonbinary people who are comfortable with she/her pronouns may audition

Ethnicity: Black

Age: late teens to mid twenties. Older than Devon

Description: Less a supervillain and more a regular criminal or henchwoman who happens to have very passive super powers. Skilled and clever, she only feels like opening up when she is most desperate. Extremely cynical.

Lines:

C'mon. You're a superhero, aren't you? Shouldn't you stay in top physical form in case another supervillain wants to fall into your lap?

If that's what it has to be; if that's the only choice I'm offered, then I sure as hell'll take it. Who else is gonna care for me? You?

Bernard North

Gender: Written as a cis man, but trans and nonbinary people comfortable with he/him pronouns may audition

Ethnicity: Open

Age: Early thirties

Description: Has had a small taste of power and now refuses to give it up. Has stopped caring about the feelings of others. Please note that this character has only one line.

Line:

Feel free to exhaust yourself, I-SPI. You've already proven yourself incorrigible. But it doesn't matter, now that I have you in my possession. You and I are going to go very far together.

Hannah Nathan

Gender: Written as a cis woman, but trans and nonbinary people who are comfortable with she/her pronouns may audition

Ethnicity: Open

Age: Late thirties

Description: The host of Musicity, a tv show about local musicians in Cherrin City, Hannah has worked very hard to be in this position. While she carries herself as having seen it all, she still cares about the comfort and state of her guests.

Lines:

Hello everyone! Welcome to another episode of Musiciscity! I'm your host, Hannah Nathan, and today, we here in the studio are joined by Cherrin City's very own, Alta Reyes!

Oh my god, Alta! Alta, are you alright? Can we get a doctor on set?

Alta Reyes

Gender: Written as a cis woman, but trans and nonbinary people who are comfortable with she/her pronouns may audition

Ethnicity: Latina

Age: Early twenties

Description: The lead singer of Raise The Population, she currently finds herself in the wrong body, and in the wrong world. Despite these strange circumstances, she's doing her best to get her group back home.

Lines:

Me and my band mates, we were just working at getting known and getting better at making music. We crawled our way up from being nobodies begging for views on our music video to finally, actually getting a hit song!

The further I get away from the life I knew, the harder I cling to the things I do know, even as they keep changing. This place honestly feels the closest to home so far.

Brandi

Gender: Trans woman

Ethnicity: Open

Age: Open

Description: The host of Public! This! Closure!, a new radio show about people hashing out their interpersonal problems on the airwaves. She is always very composed and attempts to be impartial. (She also really wants this show to be a success and is always on the lookout for more people to have on it.)

Lines:

Wait, you kissed her?

And it looks like that's all the show we have time for today, folks! Join us again next time, here on Cherrin City's very own c98.7 for more Public! This! Closure!

Virginia 'Gina' Jones

Gender: Written as a cis woman, but trans and nonbinary people who are comfortable with she/her pronouns may audition

Ethnicity: Open

Age: Mid twenties, early thirties

Description: She went on a lovely date with Josephine, and decided to go on, Public! This! Closure! the new radio show about people hashing out their interpersonal problems on the airwaves. She hopes this show will be able to reconnect her with Josephine and that she can find out why Josephine ghosted her after their date.

Lines:

...So you could remember the show you were watching, but not the woman you went out with?

Well, I hope you do. I mean, I don't know much about you, but even despite that, I... I want to see you again.

Josephine Georges

Gender: Written as a cis woman, but trans and nonbinary people who are comfortable with she/her pronouns may audition

Ethnicity: Black

Age: Mid twenties, early thirties

Description: Went on a nice date with Gina, but almost immediately afterward, had her whole world upended. Is currently distracted with other pressing matters, but is absolutely willing to continue dating Gina.

Lines:

I've listened to the show before. (sighs) So, who else has beef with me?

And I didn't think I would be meeting a lot of potential Sparker dates on an alien planet!

TE

Gender: Nonbinary (any pronouns, but initially presents as male)

Ethnicity: Open

Age: 15

Description: An orphaned young person looking for his place in the world. Goes on a very emotional journey, but has extremely villanous tendencies. Is very good at using his super power. Kinda lonely.

Lines:

You steal. That's what you do, isn't it? I mean, the only way anyone gets easy money is by stealing it.

I said, are you fucking kidding me? We literally live in a world where people get to call themselves whatever the hell they want, stupid shit like Resolute and Nightlight and SuperStar and you draw the line at The End?

Isabella

Gender: Written as a cis woman, but trans and nonbinary people who are comfortable with she/her pronouns may audition

Ethnicity: Open

Age: 19

Description: An orphan who lived in the same group home as TE but aged out of it. Had a good relationship with TE, sees him as a younger sibling. Is struggling to find satisfaction with her own life, in terms of her (illegal) career, her (nonexistent) love life, and her (nonexistent) social life. Also has a superpower, but it's rather weak.

Lines:

Well, it can get a little more hostile than that, but never more complicated. And you seem pretty capable with your power. We could use someone as capable as you.

Look, I've been tolerating a lot of your... you-ness because I got it, sort of. We lived together, we had the same traumatic experiences... and I care about you, I really do.

Guiltmaster

Gender: Written as a cis man, but trans and nonbinary people comfortable with he/him pronouns may audition

Ethnicity: Open

Age: Late twenties

Description: He's a villain with the power to make people feel extreme amounts of guilt and perhaps other things as well. An intelligent man who has lost interest in trying to make it in life through legal methods, but someone who never lost his deep sense of empathy for others.

Lines:

I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to help him at all. So we waited, hoping for someone to find us. But, by the time they finally found us, there was no more us.

What you feel is what you feel. It's real and worthy and you cannot make it stop by assuming that because worse things have happened, what happened to you is not valid.

Pat

Gender: Open

Ethnicity: East Asian

Age: Open

Description: Someone who is going to therapy and trying to get over their guilt. Uncomfortable opening up to others, but is also unwilling to deny strangers' questions.

Lines:

Yeah? Did you ever kill your entire family?

All of them died, because I thought they didn't care about what I cared about.

The Interviewer

Gender: Open

Ethnicity: Open

Age: Open

Description: Despite the fact that filming is all but banned in Cherrin City, this interviewer is an out-of-towner attempting to make a documentary about super powered individuals. They're hoping that a certain real estate agent will be able to provide juicy and shocking details about her super powered clientele.

Lines:

Sounds horrific.

Oh my god, Larry you would not believe the waste of time I just had.

#voiceactor #voice acting #podcasts #audio fiction #audio drama #superheroes #cherrin city #cherrin city soundbytes

[portable-wing-wang]

Gender, Sexuality & Me

Right, here goes.

I've never properly talked about my gender or sexuality on here and feel as if I need to clear things up for friends, family and even myself.

Of course I'm very gender positive, I think everyone should explore themselves thoroughly in order to better understand their place in this world. What I experience will be different from other people and I may even disagree with others who share my experience as everyone is different. Just good to clear the air before we continue.

My name is Will(iam) Kirton. I was born at 1:04 AM on the 10th of April 2000. I was born with male attributes and was such designated a "boy". I have little problem with this. A baby knows itself very little and cannot comprehend itself properly and so adults assign labels which, for the most part, do help with development as a child is introduced to social spaces (schools etc.).

When young, gender means little and so I thought little of it. I never felt apart or different from my schoolmates. I did however feel uncomfortable and didn't know why. Constantly feeling as if I wasn't explaining myself properly and getting confused easily. I was bullied for this by many of the other boys and when trying to defend myself, I was made an outcast. This led to me to very female dominated spaces.

I tried my hardest to join the other boys (as I thought I was supposed to) but time and time again, I'd be pushed away. I did, however, make good friends with a few boys a couple of which I'm still friends with today. But my fondest memories come from my friendships with the girls and how they shaped me as a person.

I didn't know it then but through them I began to question myself, sub-conciously at first but very soon after it started to dominate my thinking. By the age of 14 I knew something was off for sure, but I didn't know what, so I started researching to find an answer.

First, I started to look at trans-folk and see how they saw it."Trans," Such an illusive word. To me it seemed so simple to begin with. Someone wanted to be something else because they felt uncomfortable. I felt uncomfortable. "Maybe there's something in this?" I thought, so I kept digging here and there with little motivation until I was about 15 when GCSEs took over and I didn't have time to think about it much until the summer of 2016. The thoughts came back in a big way. Why? I started going to parties.

Now it may seem a little silly but getting drunk and forgetting to hide myself allowed me to express myself in ways I'd never had the chance to before. Mannerisms began to appear that I wasn't controlling intentionally. I started speaking differently, stopped feeling like I had to explain myself and started having fun. This was the next big step of my self-discovery.

I then started playing DnD. Now, laugh if you wish but I had a human bard character names Steve who I categorized as a projection of myself if a little exaggerated. While playing as Steve, those mannerisms I gained started to take over even when sober. This was the last proof I needed to know I was queer but I didn't know what labels to use. I settled with saying I just had "queer tendencies" and left it at that but I still felt uncomfortable when I wasn't playing Steve.

So, I'm definitely queer, that's for sure but what kind?

I'm researching properly now. And not just gender, but sexuality as well. Bi, pan, gay, ace, etc.. I looked up everything and kept finding new labels. To help ease my brain, I focused on sexuality first. I knew I liked girls but I also liked boys however both in different ways. I timidly said I was bi for a couple years and then came out properly soon after my 18th birthday. I felt comfortable. For now . . .

I was still, however, confused. I couldn't work out whether I was a boy or a girl and it kept making everything else seem so confusing. At this point (16 or so) most of my good friends were male, I was decent at sports and I had a big ol' bass voice. BOY, right?

But there was something still bugging me.

I couldn't figure it out. Not until the summer before Uni, something slipped into place. I had completed my A Levels, I was out as bi, my shitty friends had left me, all was good. Wrong. I was more tense than ever. All I could think about was gender. Gender this, gender that. Constantly thinking, even with the distraction of the Edinburgh Fringe. I was also listening to a lot of Steam Powered Giraffe who, of course, have a trans woman playing the "Rabbit" character. I was obsessed. I wanted to find out everything about her and luckily, she posted a whole set of videos cataloguing her transition and thoughts all the way through. Finally, someone was essentially saying to me clearly what "trans" actually meant. Things began to make sense. I knew then that I was probably not cis but i didn't really feel comfortable saying I was "fully" trans, if you get my meaning.

But then I went to Uni. I finally had a chance to express myself freely and boy oh boy, did I do just that. I became so much more feminine than I ever had been in my life. It was so freeing. But I still didn't feel trans.

Then, someone introduced me to the concept of being "non-binary". A new term. I hadn't heard of it before. Is it like being trans? Or something completely different. I dived in head-first and came out the other end with even more answers but so many more questions.

Finally, I took the plunge (I'm sorry for so many swimming metaphors).

One evening in February 2019 after Uni I was in the loo before a musicals rehearsal. I hadn't felt well all day and was wearing something particularly feminine and caught myself in the mirror. I studied myself for a good few minutes. Each detail, each curve, how my body felt and looked in the clothes I was wearing. I stood there staring. Luckily no one walked in on me.

And something just clicked. After so many years of worrying and tensing, I finally understood. I was genderqueer.

Now, I should explain (here I go again), I didn't just decide then and there. I few months prior, my new uni friend "tom" (she goes by a different name now) had introduced me to a youtuber called Contrapoints. Before anyone says anything, I know she's caused a lot of discourse but I don't feel as if this is the right time to make any cases. Anyway, she didn't used to be openly trans and used to go by the label genderqueer. At the time, she made a very comprehensive video explaining what is and what it meant for her.

It intrigued me so, naturally, I did some more research and found that it fit my situation quite adequately but I didn't feel comfortable falling myself "genderqueer" yet either.

For those who don't know, genderqueer is an umbrella term for a wide range of traits which are either predominantly female, male or androgynous. It doesn't necessarily have a perfect definition and can be different for anybody who identify themselves as such.

My own genderqueerness could be described as a complete rejection of the male binary and so I carry more female and androgynous traits. This affects the way I speak, move my body, dress and my perspective on greater society. I also experience gender dysphoria. Now, to some, this would mean I was most likely just trans and using this a stopping-point before going further. This I feel is not the case. Whilst I am made uncomfortable by my flat chest, copious hair and broad shoulders, I do not feel the same about my genitalia or Adam's apple.

There are also more political connotations with the term genderqueer over non-binary. Genderqueer is a lot more aggressive but it gets the point across more clearly but I wouldn't say I wasn't non-binary. In fact, I think they're one and the same in practice but I do use my identity as a statement and so the genderqueer label feels more appropriate.

So yeah, I came out as genderqueer that February evening. First to my partner, then my friends and only now, almost a year later, am I attempting with my family.

I am so much happier for it too. I kept myself hidden for so long and have only now started to just accept myself and give in to the voice in my head telling me to let go. I'm much more relaxed too. Since coming out and using more neutral and even feminine pronouns, my dysphoria has become less of an issue. I still get it and I have bad days of course but for the first time in a long time, things are looking up.

I can't change the world, but I've been able to find myself in it more clearly and that helps a bunch.

TL;DR: I'm genderqueer. I'm bisexual. I've been out for a considerable time now and feeling better because of it.

Anyway, if you did read the whole thing, thank you. I'm not saying this'll be the same forever but this is me now and I'm still breathing so come get me world!

Feel free to reblog this, I hope it helps others realise themselves too.

#me #portable wing wang #queer #genderqueer #nonbinary #bisexual #lgbtqia+ #rant #sorry it was long