#still coming to terms with this whole thing LMAO because of my intimacy issues but we’re working on it slowly

[rosecrystal]

You're in a relationship now? 👀

So happy for you ❤

❤️ thanks angel

#answered #im dating someone exclusively in a committed kind of way but the term relationship makes me want to rip my hair out #still coming to terms with this whole thing LMAO because of my intimacy issues but we’re working on it slowly

[lilmajorshawty]

I hope this isn’t to vulgar to ask but have you experienced men of every rising sign? More so would you be able to speak on the genitalia of all the eighth house signs in men you’ve encountered? I would like to see if there is any merit in the general depictions of the eighth house when it comes to sex organs

Haha you’re fine my love! I don’t mind being of help!

I personally attract virgo, Sagittarius, Gemini, Scorpio rising men the most. I have had sexual encounters with men of all 12 zodiac signs and I’ve managed to get rising signs for a great deal of them! Sadly I can’t speak broadly on many of the rising signs considering the higher volume of the four I just mentioned being the majority of the ones that come my way.

Aries rising men: in my experience? Sweet, they are very much what you see is what you get types considering their entire chart is a reflection of the natural traits of all 12 zodiac signs in their comfortable houses. Sexually I would say their sexual organs look dark, like literally they have a darker tone then the rest of their body. They aren’t rough sexually but they can be very intense, if I could describe them? I’d say it felt like I was swimming in a pool at night with strobe lights at the bottom. They know how to have sex and it feels good, they are very much so emotionally available during and after. Very violent orgasams and can seem very spiritual during.

Taurus rising men: in my experience? Babies. They can be needy and distant at the same time, very weird mix. They want things at a very specific time and can be hard to compromise with especially sexually. the thing that stood out to me is how fast they ejaculate, and I don’t mean this in a bad way, they are just very easily aroused much like a literal bull. They tend to love foreplay but if you’re too good at it they’ll cum fast. They can be very vibrant and bubbly during sex lots of laughter, but if they’re not laughing they’re usually just super into it lmao. They have very big and long sexual organs. I wouldn’t say thick, I would say more like a long sword in typical sag style. They are very out of tune emotionally during sex so that’s the only downside.

Gemini rising men: in my experience? Sad boys. They got issues and they’re not good at hiding them. They can seem moody, aloof and slightly misunderstood. I can’t peg them sometimes, they seem like they have a mixture of mommy and daddy issues but then they can seem arrogant and self assured at a moments notice. Domination kinks and restriction plague them. I would say the sex is often sensual and deeply attentive in its nature. They want to feel all of it and none of it at the same time. Touch and physical intimacy is the thing they adore the most in sex and I think that’s what makes them so special. They’re really sweet and good natured and you get to see that part of them more freely during sex as contrary to the belief of Capricorn in the 8th these natives are tremendously affectionate and loving during sex. I will say that they get sad or more serious after climax and I have no idea wether Saturn does that or if it’s something deeper. They may be a bit on the smaller side when it comes to sexual organs in most cases but they know how to use it for sure. They are very horny like the goat

Cancer rising men: in my experience? I’ve dealt with some who have cap and others who have aqua in the 8th, for some reason the result is still similar in a way. They can be soooo receptive, they know what you need better than you do. They are present but not overbearing. They feel parental but in a way that feeds the parts of you that felt like they were missing something. I’d say sex always comes with a lesson with them. It’s never just casual sex. They tend to nurture during sex and can be very emotionally deep and connective during. They are definitely the type you spend the night with naturally or hang out with the next few days or unexpectedly end up dating. The sexual organs are usually pretty unique! Some curve, some have like those cute beauty marks on em. They also tend to be well hung.

Leo rising men: in my experience? I found them to be distant, perplexing and heavy. They seem a bit disengaged but can have moments of affectionate behavior and romantic burst that come from nowhere. Sexually though they can be passive, they feel real wet and liquidy I dunno how to describe it. Sex with them just feels very moist and like there’s a lot of fluids everywhere but idk it doesn’t feel like a bad thing. They precum a lot and can be very submissive. They are not horny per say? They are more on the “if you wanna” side of things. So Neptune and Jupiter rule Pisces so as you can already imagine these men tend to be packing some heat. They sorta dunno how to use it though? For some reason they have a very clumsy way of having sex as if they’ve never done it before? They don’t really have boundaries either so you’ll need to make sure to ask them if they’re okay cause a lot of the time they might not be.

Virgo rising men: in my experience? I’m gonna try and not be biased. These men are very ethereal. They are very quiet and genuine. They have this very honest and blunt way about doing and saying things. They carry a lot of pain though and you can see it in their eyes which I will say they have very intense eyes. Sexually? They are VERY passionate. They treat sex like a sport but not a fun sport, rather they treat it like a life or death ring match. They definitely pack a punch and will rock your shit. They can be deeply sensitive and intimate all the while being completely in tune with every part of you during sex in such a way that’ll make you feel like you’re freefalling. The genitals in my experience are veiny, very masculine in the way they look. Every time I see a guy with a Virgo rising it never ceases to amaze me how rough and aggressive their penis are. They are also very intense ejaculators and can be very big on equal ejaculation(my pleasure is your pleasure theme) contrary to the Aries myth, they can go and go and go for hours without cumming so as a warning please try and build your stamina

Libra rising men: in my experience? Confused? They can seem like they’re waiting for something to start but also won’t do anything to make something start. They can seem aggressive but are secretly hoping you make the first move. They are very touchy and very adorable in their being but they definitely can be the types to let the other person take the lead. One thing I’ve always liked about libra rising men is their cute butts and their charming way of seducing you without oversexualizing the situation. Sexually they are AMAZING Jesus. Once you get them going they will really run rampant. They are very sensual and they love slow touching and intimacy. They are emotionally present and can have a personality change during sex, they turn into a whole other Individual. A warning I will say is that they get very caught up in the moment and you’ll have to snap them out of it from time to time if they’re to caught up in the pleasure. They’re sexual organs like most fixed signs is pretty thick and heavy. In my experience the length is normal but the girth is what will really kill yah.

Scorpio rising men: in my experience? Fuck these guys are HOT. They don’t have to try very hard either which is annoying, they literally just exude this strong, mysterious and emotionally unavailable energy that makes you want to strip right in front of them. Are they into you? Do they care? Are you more into it then them? Who knows and they probably won’t tell you. They can be very manipulative and tend to gaslight(and I’m not joking about this nor am I jokingly using the term) they tend to have mental detachments from their emotions which can give them sociopath like tendecies. Sexually they are curious, very control oriented. They want to watch you go crazy so most times they leave you in charge. Riding is one of their favorite positions because they get to see you fein for them. They are senstive to your feelings during sex but don’t mistake this for them being emotionally invested in you, the Gemini in their 8th house is playing whatever role gets you to respond in the way they desire. They are very loving nonetheless when they do truly care for you. The sexual organs are usually very thick. I think they’re the ones who invented the word chode. The penis tends to be girthy and also has a pretty good length to it, and they definitely know how to work it.

Sagittarius rising men: in my experience? These guys are some fucking heartthrobs! I hate to say it but man they are so rugged and masculine you can’t help but love their boyish nature. They are definitely obnoxious, loud and ridiculously dense when it comes to reading the room. What makes them so hot though is how reckless they are with all things. They don’t give a shit. Sexually though? Emotions run HIGH they tend to be very drawn to feminine energy. A lot of guys like this adore feminity in all forms be it in men or women. If you have that feminine glow to you, they’ll eat you up. They tend to have a strong desire to impregnate and the idea of being connected and having that sort of emotional receptivity with the person their fucking drives them wild. They are very intense sexually and can be very overwhelming the first few times mainly because adjusting to them is impossible, you never know what emotional spectrum you’ll get. Their sexual organs aren’t that big, sometimes they can be girthy but most times long and or average size tends to be what I see more. Are they good at using it? Yeah, you’ll fall asleep right after trust me.

Capricorn rising men: in my experience? They are very unassuming. They are so fucking calm, so fucking unmoved and so fucking ahead of you every time. They don’t rush things and can really make you feel so comfortable with how respectful and real they are. They have a very boy next door or upstairs neighbor vibe to them. Sleeping with them feels naughty sometimes other times it feels like it was a long build up. Sexually they are exhibitionist. They definitely will fill the hell out of you with their more modest persona at first. They want to enjoy all parts of your body but they also want the show to be about them. They want to hear you want them, how good they make you feel, they want it to feel like a performance where the crowd is watching. And dare I say they are constantly mastering their art, sex gets better and better and better with them. There’s never a dull moment and every time they have sex with you it gets more personal, more intense, more all consuming. They have a high libido and they are practically insatiable. They are selfish but I will say this, if you can’t get them off they definitely will do it themselves. Their sexual organs are often brighter than the other parts of their body. Very pretty too look at and also a bit on the hairy side.

Aquarius rising men: In my experience? They can seem really standoffish and for a good reason. They tend not to like ignorance and the more they see you trying hard to relate to them the less they’ll acknowledge you. They like the idea of someone who is down for them but not the idea of someone who is groveling, don’t and I mean don’t by any means act like a fan. They tend to run hot and cold for ever even if they like you. Sexually they can be meticulously planning the whole thing. The meet up, the positions, the foreplay all of it. They tend to need warnining or to know both parties had time to clean up. They’re not ones for sex on the fly or random sex as it can lead to a lot of unnecessary accidents. They’re attentive and very much the types to make you feel like you’re clay and you’re being sculpted into something magnificent. Their amazing at sex, they are like gallileo, or Mozart when it comes to the act. They move around your body like a serpent, then a leaf in the wind, than rain touching your skin. They are more focused on your pleasure than theirs so orgasms/reaching climax can be tough for them. The sexual organs are pretty small or average in most cases. If mars/Jupiter or Neptune/Uranus is there that augments things.

Pisces rising men: In my experience? They are definitely ass men. Everything revolves around booty. They are definitely soft and very sweet, but they have a sweetness to them that is fake. The real them is far more serious and self aware then they give off. They know what they’re doing and they know what you’re doing, so don’t ever be fooled by the veil they put up. They’re incredible receptive and sensitive and a lot of their internal feelings come out at some point just not at the moment it needs to. Sexually they can very hotel sex types. Like I don’t know how to really explain it and it’s so opposite of what you would expect of libra but they are very impersonal people. Like sex can feel very romantic and as if they are treating you like a significant other but something about it is detached, far away and unavailable. They are good at creating the engagement aspect of sex but can fall short at the emotional part which is semi-strange considering what you’ll get up to that point. They are very experienced but at the same time they may need to be taught to connect a little deeper or to open up more. They have very soft and gentle sexual styles that will still make you feel cared for but sometimes in the back of it all you’ll still feel that “I’m fucking a stranger” vibe. Their sexual organs tend to be very beautiful, nice length and nice width. They’ll definitely be a lot better at the sex part once you guys are committed though.

So obviously this is a general word of mouth and does not take into account planets being in the 8th house nor does it mention decans which can greatly alter much of what I’ve said. And honestly you can apply the decan rule here if you’d like! Simply use the decan lord so if they’re a third decan Virgo rising and have Aries in the third decan in their 8th house which is Aries/Sagittarius: you would mix those interpretations. Anyways hope this helps love.

#mine #8th house #sex astrology

[vvitchering]

Did anyone ask me to write a whole essay about how Din’s creed and armor read as a metaphor for asexuality to me? No. Am I going to write an essay about that exact thing right now because I do this literally every time I find a new character I really like? Absolutely. 

(Disclaimer: I’m writing this based on my own feelings and experiences with being ace. Asexuality exists on a spectrum and not everyone experiences it the same way. I’ve chosen to interpret the character through the lens of my own asexuality. I in no way speak for all ace people, I’m just one nerd with a dusty English degree, a keyboard, and a hyperfixation)

So I started out just wanting to word vomit some character study stuff about Din because I want to eventually write fanfiction and I never feel comfortable just jumping in until I’ve thought long and hard about how I feel about and understand the characters involved. And then I got to thinking about how relationships are explored in The Mandalorian and something stuck out to me. The show never forces or even bothers to introduce romantic bonds as necessary to their main character’s development. Rather it chooses to focus on Din’s familial relationship with Grogu as the bond that saves Din from his loneliness and aimlessness. 

But I want to dig into that lack of romance a little bit and I want to do it through looking closer at Din as a character. What strikes me as interesting is he isn’t presented to us as the typical “lonely hero” archetype you’d see in Star Wars (or anything else, actually) He doesn’t seem to have much personal investment in his profession. He’s a bounty hunter because its a way to hunt beskar and a means of income for himself and his covert. That’s it. He doesn’t have any particular passion or interest in hunting and fighting, it just happens to be that, as a Mandalorian, he’s a trained warrior. Not a TON else you can do with that as your only skillset. 

We also establish early on that he’s a lot more sensitive and emotionally vulnerable than he lets on. He bonds with Grogu almost immediately. He doesn’t even hesitate to shoot IG-11 through the head when it threatens to kill the baby. This man saw an unattended infant in danger and said “it’s free real estate” and became a dad. 

So we KNOW he has an incredible capacity for compassion and affection almost from the get-go. And that’s reinforced time and time again throughout the show by his willingness to help literally anyone who needs it, regardless of the benefit to himself. So why don’t we ever see a romance?

It’s because he’s Mandalorian. More specifically, it’s because he’s the type of Mandalorian who vowed to live by a creed that prevents him from showing his face to any living being. On the surface, this could potentially cause issues with finding love and intimacy because it physically prevents him from being open with someone else. A relationship with him would mean accepting that you will never See the person behind the armor, and I can see that being uncomfortable for a lot of beings. 

If you dig some more into that, it comes down to there probably not being a ton of people out there willing to make the compromises Din would need to comfortable and happy. I believe he’s been burned by this exact situation in the past, judging from his interactions with Xi’an in The Prisoner. Presumably they had some sort of entanglement when they worked together in the past that ended in some bad blood. She belittles him for his dedication to his beliefs, embarrasses him, and plays into Mayfeld’s childish and invasive questions. 

We’re only ever given this as an example of a past attempt at some kind of relationship, and it ended, and ended badly, because he was unwilling to ignore his beliefs and boundaries for a partner who mocked him for both. 

So it’s really no wonder we get that amazing scene with Omera in Sanctuary. He’s clearly thought about staying with her, someone who has been kind to him and Grogu, and who could maybe come to truly love him. But even she still expects him to simply “pack away” his beliefs in favor of her companionship. The way his voice cracks and shakes, the way he so resignedly (but still so gently) grips her wrists to pull her away from taking his helmet off, that’s a man who had maybe dared to hope for a second that he’d found someone who would respect his choice to keep his face covered. It’s other things, too. It’s his dedication to his quest to both protect and reunite Grogu with his people, first and foremost, but there’s definitely some personal turmoil in that scene as well.

Conclusion: Din is someone who canonically struggles to form romantic/intimate relationships with others because of the creed he’s sworn and the armor he wears. He’s made attempts that have blown up in his face (Xi’an) and while he still allows himself to fall just a little bit for others when they’re kind to him, it’s always with the knowledge that it won’t work out because they see his boundaries as surmountable or conditional (Omera).

If that doesn’t read as an asexual experience, I don’t know what does. 

(I also want to talk about ship stuff now so if you’re not interested in me talking about Dincobb you can peace out! Otherwise, you made it this far, might as well keep listening to me ramble lmao)

This entire examination is also to work out why Din/Cobb works so well for me as a ship and it 100% has to do with how the fandom has interpreted and written Cobb in their fanfic. Overwhelmingly I have seen people write Cobb as incredibly understanding and accepting of Din’s choice to cover his face. He totally lacks the expectation that someday his affection will be enough for Din to forsake his creed, which is novel for Din. 

Here’s this person who not only takes the time to get to know him as a person, fight by his side, and trusts him implicitly, but he also doesn’t come with the usual stipulation that his love is conditional based on Din’s willingness to compromise his boundaries for him. I LOVE that one of the most popular tropes for this ship is Cobb willingly blindfolding himself so that Din is able to remove his helmet and relax around him without violating his beliefs. I LOVE that there are so many fics where Cobb cooks him dinner, understands that Din can’t eat next to him, and sits down on the other side of a closed door so they can still eat together. Cobb respects Din, respects his boundaries, and Din is able to pursue a more intimate connection with him because of that allowance and acceptance, and on his own terms.

As someone who has always struggled to find a relationship free from the expectation that I must somehow trade my identity and comfort for love, this ship just hits different, okay. 

#wow this got much longer than I was anticipating #apparently I felt very strongly about this lmao #no idea if this will even read coherently #but if you're interested in an ace reading of Din Djarin and Dincobb I'm ya girl #this is maybe the most niche meta I've ever written #the mandalorian #dincobb #mine #asexuality

[max--phillips]

headcanons for the characters who are dealing with ptsd and possibly still coming to terms with reclaiming their sexuality and sexual identity?

ok so I’m a little bit nervous to do this one because I don’t have ptsd and I don’t want to step on any toes. That being said, I have done some reading, and I feel like I can at least tell you this much. (Also I’m sticking pretty hard to what we see In Canon as opposed to what we’ve created with these characters as a fandom, so it’s probably... a little more angsty than usual)

Din definitely suffers from ptsd; it’s seen pretty explicitly in the form of flashbacks when he visits the armorer in episodes 1 and 3, and again in episode 8 in the bar with Cara and Greef. Clearly the event of his parents dying was extremely traumatic for him (and conflicting, I’m sure, considering he’s also extremely grateful the Mandalorians found him and saved him). That being said, in canon, I don’t think he’s reclaiming his sexuality so much as finding it in the first place. I know we all want Din to rail us and all that jazz, but he’s... probably not at all experienced. I do think that maybe once he is in a position where he starts to explore intimacy with someone, he’s going to run into some hurdles that he’ll have to work through.

If Javier doesn’t have ptsd I’d be surprised. I mean, there’s a LOT of dark, fucked up shit they deal with in that job, and it probably has him seriously traumatized. That being said, I completely think one of his coping strategies is sex. He’s probably not great at intimacy, though, or letting people close. My guess is when he goes back home after everything’s done, he probably sleeps around a lot and doesn’t form a lot of meaningful relationships (if this is like, factually incorrect, it’s because I haven’t seen the whole show LMAO). When he finds someone he wants to be close to, to be truly intimate with, I think that’s when he starts running into problems. I mean, he already kinda had commitment issues as it was with him leaving his fiancee at the altar, and that was well before any of this went down. That type of thing probably takes a turn for the worse.

I think the argument could be made that Whiskey has ptsd even though it’s not really shown in the movie. I mean, he lost his wife, which hit him hard (the movie hints at a possible gambling addiction), and who knows what he’s seen in the field as an agent. I think that he has to work really, really hard to reclaim his sexuality after losing his wife. We know he does, Ginger mentions she’s been through similar things to what Eggsy and Clara (I think that’s her name) were doing with Whiskey. Though she says something along the lines of “it’s nice to have someone who knows what they’re doing” which kind of implies Whiskey might not be comfortable having sex with other women (or he’s actually just bad at it which is. more in tune with the vibe of the movie but isn’t as interesting). He probably has little to no desire to engage in anything with other women outside of what he has to do for the Statesmen, and probably feels guilty even then because he still absolutely loves his wife.

Ezra doesn’t really show any signs of it, but I will again posit that he’s probably seen Some Shit as a prospector. I mean, just in the hour and a half movie we see him in, he has his arm cut off and gets fuckin STABBED, so who knows what’s happened to him on his other adventures. He’s probably crazy anxious all the time, afraid whoever he’s with is going to turn on him for no real reason. I mean, dealing with such valuable items, and with how fast Damon betrayed him, this has to be a somewhat regular occurrence. With that particular brand of anxiety, he’s probably hesitant to get involved with anyone at all. Sleeping with someone is an extremely vulnerable moment, and vulnerability is probably not the best thing when it comes to what he does. That is probably an extremely difficult hurdle to get over.

I know Catfish also probably deals with ptsd, but I am not comfortable enough with his character to really dig into it here. Maybe someone who has a better handle on him could chime in?

#tori answers questions #anonymous #my fic #hcs #star wars #the mandalorian #din #narcos #whiskey #ezra #prospect #pedro pascal #I hope i did this justice this isn't a topic I'm super familiar with ;u; #Anonymous

[murasaki-murasame]

Thoughts on Fruits Basket 2019 2nd Season Ep5: “Wait For Me, Tororo Soba!”

In this week of Fruits Basket, we begin to see the ominous specter of Age Gap Relationships [tm] looming on the horizon, but more importantly we get to see the gang visit a haunted house together so that’s neat :)

Anyway, thoughts under the cut.

I really just need to stop trying to predict how the anime is going to pace things out, lol. I was almost sure they were gonna skip the haunted house part since it’s really filler-y, and just add chapter 53 into this episode instead since it’s the last chapter remaining between now and the beach arc, but oh well.

I honestly have no clue exactly how they’re gonna handle the next episode now. Unless they start the beach arc halfway into the episode, we only have chapter 53 left to adapt. So I wonder if they might spend the entire episode on that and flesh it out with original material. Who knows.

Either way, I think combining chapters 48 and 50 in this episode worked better than I expected, in terms of making it a fun and mostly light-hearted episode before the beach arc starts, but it wasn’t quite as elegant as some of the other ways they’ve combined different chapters together.

There’s not really that much to say about the haunted house part, but I really liked it. Sometimes the comedy in the remake falls a bit flat, but it really worked here. Especially with how they played up the dramatic music and cinematography for Haru’s story about the haunted house props.

The main meat of the episode is the introduction of Kureno and his whole thing with Uo, though. Which is it’s own whole can of worms, lmao. I think they’re one of the more divisive ships in the fandom, and for good reason. I’m definitely in the camp of not liking their relationship at all, and for me it’s 50% because of their age gap, and 50% because I think it’s just a straight up boring relationship with barely any substance. I don’t really like ‘love at first sight’ relationships at the best of times, and this always felt like one of the laziest examples of it.

I think it makes a lot of sense that Uo and Kureno would fall for each other really quickly because of their own personalities and backstories and whatnot, but it doesn’t stop me from rolling my eyes at them having Extremely Dramatic Internal Monologues [tm] and arguments in public restaurants about all the intense feelings they have for each other after, like, ten minutes of knowing each other. And it’s not like they’re gonna get that much more time together between now and the end of the story, lol.

And then there’s the whole age gap part of it which is an issue all on it’s own. And considering that Uo herself comments on how iffy the situation is when she finds out how old Kureno is, I feel justified in being put off by it. I’m not quite as old as Kureno, but now that I’m in my early 20′s I’ve honestly just been getting more and more put off by these sorts of relationships. When you’re a teenager it’s an appealing fantasy to have, but when you actually become an adult you start to think differently about teenagers, and the idea of dating one is just weird. The way that Uo was being kinda childish and emotional about the whole situation really reminded me why this sort of relationship dynamic just doesn’t appeal to me.

In an in-universe sense, Kureno’s at least emotionally and developmentally stunted enough that there’s not necessarily as much of an imbalance in power or life experience as there would be otherwise, but that doesn’t entirely get rid of how gross it is.

This whole plot point is also indirectly making everyone think more about the whole Kyoko/Katsuya thing, which this is basically setting up for, and oh boy that’s also it’s own whole thing that I’ll talk about when it actually comes up.

It’s interesting that with the small changes this episode made to the flow of things, Tohru wasn’t there when Uo and Hana were talking about Kureno, and we thus didn’t see her mention the fact that her parents had a big age gap, but I don’t think it means they’re going to be changing that part of the story or anything. I think they just didn’t want to so bluntly foreshadow it for one reason or another. The age gap part of Kyoko and Katsuya’s relationship is pretty unavoidable, anyway. The most they could do would be to change Kyoko to a high school drop-out to make the age gap a little smaller, but it’d still be there, and I think the anime’s already mentioned Kyoko dropping out before high-school, so I think it’ll be exactly the same as the manga, for better or worse.

I know a lot of fans are gonna be wringing their hands in advance about all the controversy and discourse this is gonna cause when it becomes more of a major thing in the story, but honestly these sorts of things deserve to be criticized and interrogated. And it’s not like it’s the only thing on the list of stuff this series does that’s worth criticizing, lmao.

Which brings me to the fact that to my complete lack of surprise, I’ve also been seeing anime only people after this episode talking about how they think Akito’s a woman. I’ve said it before, but I think most fans of this series just don’t want to admit that that whole plot twist is actually extremely predictable and cliched. You can see it coming from a mile away as soon as you start seeing Akito have all those ominously depicted moments of intimacy with male characters.

It’s one of the things that the anime can’t exactly do much to change since it’s so integral to the plot, and they don’t really even seem interested in changing any of it, so I’m genuinely curious to see how people react to it, and I hope it spawns serious discussions about these sorts of tropes and cliches and the history behind them, and how differently they come across in modern times. Sorta like what happened with the Banana Fish anime a while ago.

Anyway, all that aside, I think the anime’s going to make me like Kureno a bit more than I did in the manga, even if I still don’t care about his relationship with Uo. Just giving him voice-acting is enough to make him feel like more of an actual character, lol.

#murasaki rambles #fruits basket

[aqvarius]

[WALKTHROUGH + REVIEW + CG] Romance MD: Tetsuya Hosho

This review is coming in a whole month late because life got in the way of my happiness and general enjoyment lol. When I started writing this, there was still a heart sale on and there was no time limit for reading Hosho’s route PLUS the Collector’s Edition was available! So the value of this review is significantly less than it should have been but sadly life has just been so busy. Hopefully this is still helpful.

Expectations:

I was both more excited for, and afraid of, Hosho’s route. I was certainly more excited than I was for Takado’s route. But I was also afraid that Hosho was going to be So Dark like proper haraguro and this Dr. MC would just get sucked into his darkness and fall in love because of Stockholm Syndrome. I don’t really know if I have anyone that I would compare him to just based on first impression - Maybe Ryoichi from Seduced in the Sleepless City? In general I’m a bit wary of the super flirty and/or princely guys cause they’re always the type that don’t take love seriously and just mess around because they’re ToO aFrAiD tO tRuSt PeOpLe and they’ll treat you like garbage and you just have to deal with all their shit with unconditional tolerance because you’re in love. (Shinobu Narita… my nemesis… will I ever get to a point where I stop mentioning this…? Probably not.)

So basically I was eager to try Hosho but I also went into his route with a heap of trepidation.  If you’ve read my Takado review, you may also know that I’m not a huge fan of RMD’s Dr. MC. Was she any better in this route? Let’s see…

Click below to read the full review, plus walkthrough and CGs

Reality:

This route both exceeded my expectations in terms of plot but also let me down a little bit in terms of the relationship. Let’s start with Dr. MC. Hosho’s MC is fine… maybe I’m just being extra biased because I don’t like her sprite lmao #shallow. I do find her substantially more likeable than Takado’s MC who I personally don’t really like. I like that she actually acknowledges her feelings and actually… has… feelings lol, although something I don’t like about Dr. MC is that she’s not very introspective. I feel like other Voltage MCs tend to have a better grip on their emotions and what it is they’re feeling but Dr. MC is a bit like… omg WHAT??? I’m in LOVE???? They do refer to her as a robot at times which I kind of agree with lol, and I tend to prefer my MCs to be human. Also, I’m so confused by the reports that she writes. Aren’t they factual reports? When I write notes at conferences, I just write about people’s papers… I’ve never in my life written a report on my supervisors’ personal lives, nor would I show them to anyone if I did, and certainly not to the department head!!

Dr. MC is better about acknowledging her feelings and accepting her love for him in Hosho’s route though, I will admit, but it’s just my personal preference to like sweet MCs. If you like MCs which are a bit more snarky, you will probably like Dr. MC. However, because we read these routes from the perspective of the MC, I overall find it easier to actually fall in love with the love interest and the relationship when the MC falls in love. Which Hosho’s Dr. MC does… but just in a way that I don’t find very convincing? I wonder if it’s maybe that I can’t figure out why she falls in love – it feels more like general pity/comfort than love, although it does provoke an interesting thought exercise into what we might define as being in love. The strange thing is that plot-wise, I think them falling in love is smooth enough, but I honestly think it’s just the writing style that I find a bit too clinical (lol) maybe? So while the pacing is fine, it still somehow feels a bit abrupt. I haven’t quite figured out what exactly it is about RMD that I just find slightly off… (and I’m also too lazy to do a proper analysis and compare to some other titles).

I think it also depends on how you play otome games: do you treat the MC as a separate person? Do you tend to self-insert as the MC? Or is it sort of a mix of both?

Personally, I find for myself that it’s a mix of both. I like MCs that I can relate to, so in that sense there’s an element of self-insert, but I also do see her as a separate person (since they make a lot of choices that I wouldn’t and tend to have a form of strength and conviction that I absolutely do not have lol). Something I realised about myself is that when I read shoujo manga, I’m pretty indiscriminate about what types of guys I like… it’s more about the chemistry between the two characters. Speaking of playing otome games, I don’t really know how I feel about the Sekai inserts… I mean it’s fairly relatable to mentally interact with your favourite otoge characters but from a reader perspective, we know absolutely nothing about Sekai so I don’t feel any particular way about seeing him. Maybe it’s just a different way of communicating Dr. MC’s thoughts but yeah I don’t really know that the Sekai inserts are necessary…? Let me know what you think about him.

Also so maybe this is maybe a cultural thing but like what is the DEAL with the pheromones? I can tell you for sure that I’ve been attracted to people in my life but I’ve never felt them like leaking pheromones. (I think my boyfriend smells amazing and it makes me wanna be close to him but like… are those pheromones? I don’t know.) I find it funny that out of all of them, Hosho probably has the most ‘regular’/realistic(?) character design but we have to take their word for it that he’s the Sexiest Person Ever. I feel like it was a bit over the top but then again I really did become convinced that Hosho is just super sexy so… I guess it worked? But equally, I feel like it could have been toned down a little and I still would have believed that Hosho is sex on legs. He’s actually really likeable… but somehow I feel that the chemistry is lacking? There’s something about Dr. MC that I find just kind of bland.

My own doctor friends are totally normal people (by which I mean they have their own quirks and weirdness and hobbies/interests lol that’s what makes us friends) and even each individual love interest has their own personality and quirks so I’m not quite sure why Dr. MC just seems kind of dull to me. I mean I really like some of the newer Voltage MCs like the ones from Masquerade Kiss and Irresistible Mistakes, who are also career women and have a more concrete personality and yet can still fall in love, even when they may not want to. If we’re talking chemistry and sexual tension, look at Kazuomi and MK MC! Even though Hosho is supposed to be a walking sex machine, I didn’t really get much of a sense of actual chemistry between him and Dr. MC. So I think I like Hosho as a person (as in I, both from an observer’s perspective and my own personal tastes, like Hosho) but I don’t love his route. I feel like he would be better off with a different MC, like maybe My Sweet Bodyguard MC – someone who comes off a little sweeter – or even someone like IM or EITM MC who’s a mix of sexy and sweet.

I actually quite like Hosho, but I’m not sure if it’s just because he reminds me so much of Soma. He’s got that same kind of charisma and mystery (and popularity/smoothness with women) to him. I actually wrote in my notes while playing that Hosho is a sluttier version of Soma. While not as cold as Soma, Hosho can definitely be cool when he wants to be, doing the classic “pulling away because he’s scared to love” thing.  I do think there is an element of the “omg he’ll treat you poorly because he’s too afraid to trust people” but I actually like the way it’s done in Hosho’s route. So rather than treating you poorly because he’s too afraid to trust, it’s more like he pushes you away because he’s afraid of being loved because everyone who’s loved him has left him or forgotten him. I actually don’t find him to be too cold – some LIs can act up in really twisted ways (Shinobu…. Narita…..) because they have bad personalities lol but Hosho’s strategy is just to distance himself rather than be malicious about it. In a way, he’s once again similar to Soma who is kind and professional but distant/cold rather than intentionally cruel because of his own dead sister trauma.

All things considered, I think Hosho’s personality is actually quite regular – he’s just a flirty, pretty nice guy who uses physical intimacy to distract from his trauma. He comes across as both mature and composed but also stuck in his childhood and still quite vulnerable in some ways. He’s someone who has definitely found his own ways to deal with his issues, whether or not they’re actually healthy for him. We may have to wait a good while to see this (if RMD is still being continued beyond season 1) but I’m curious to see what he’ll be like as a love interest/boyfriend once his trauma has been dealt with.

(Cute rare blushing Hosho. As rare as cute rare blushing Soma)

I’m also kind of sad that Hosho doesn’t speak in Kansai dialect because I personally think Kansai ben is REALLY sexy and it would make his casual sexiness even better but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I was wondering if they just forgot about it but then you see him speaking in ‘translated Kansai ben’ (a.k.a. the bogan accent that Voltage likes to use as a replacement) as a kid and it’s soooo cute.

(SO!!!! ADORABLE!!!!! I LOVE BABY HOSHO)

(A bonus crying baby Tetsuya… pulls at the heartstrings…)

Something that I do like about all the Romance MD guys is that they all have their own different personality traits but they’re actually all so well-read and clever and demonstrably good at their jobs and individual specialties and they take their job seriously and work hard at it. This is certainly the case with Hosho too, who is a staggeringly talented neurosurgeon both in terms of practical skill and research. Perhaps even more than Takado, I developed a feeling of respect for Hosho as a doctor, although this may be because of the Dr. MC perspective in the storytelling – maybe this is another reason why I feel the chemistry is generally lacking in RMD because it sort of feels like there’s more of a professional relationship being built than a romantic one, and it doesn’t have the same sort of balance that we can see in other workplace romance titles such as Her Love in the Force, Our Two Bedroom Story and IM. I do feel like Hosho gets away with super unprofessional behaviour that Kasumi just kind of allows. I did want more explanation for the Kasumi-Hosho relationship a little bit more, although I am wondering if Kasumi just has a special relationship with every individual member of the ICU crew. 100koi+ has Takado’s MS from Kasumi’s perspective for some reason, so I’m assuming he has some significant relationship there too.

In general, there’s less banter amongst the doctors compared to Takado’s route which was kind of a shame, because their dynamic is part of what makes this game fun. I honestly think Takado is more fun outside of his own route. His grouchiness is kind of amusing. Hosho’s route also reveals a tiny little hint of what I think is Sen’s own true personality, as well as his obsession of Kasumi.

Reading Hosho’s route also piqued my interest in all of the other Lis too. All of these doctors have such trauma-filled lives!! I get that being an ICU doctor comes with a lot of mental pressure and having to deal with losing patients is terrible but they have so much shit going on in their personal lives too. It’s sort of like KOR levels of drama except they’re the affected ones rather than Dr. MC. Watch Ekuni actually have some sort of trauma-induced narcolepsy or insomnia and the theme of his ‘sky’ will be either sunrise or a dark vortex of a night sky. I bet Sen has some complex about being a child genius and his parents will be super demanding, which is maybe one of the reasons why he’s so obsessed with super young Chief of Medicine Kasumi. I’m also willing to put money on my guess that Matsunaga will have the most serious drama of them all.

By the way I forgot to mention this in my Takado review and I have no knowledge or whether or not it’s actually accurate so I wouldn’t trust my opinion on this but I appreciate the medical research the writers had to do. I like that they explain some things just enough for noobs like myself to understand what’s going on, but it doesn’t read like they’re dumbing it down. 

There are a few plot points which I feel are a bit cliched and maybe not as cleanly relevant as in Takado’s route, such as the nurses bullying you cause they miss being on Hosho’s sex rotation. (Also I was really prejudiced against Shirayuki I’M SO SORRY MISUMI FOR JUDGING YOU BASED ON YOUR SPRITE) and the whole thing about Hosho’s reputation as a demon because of his fanatical obsession with memory-based research. I think it’s quite normal in professional research communities to have a particular field of expertise and to focus most of your papers on that one subject and/or adjacent subjects. I’m not really sure why he might have a bad reputation or have people gossip about him because he focusses on one particular niche so I’m wondering if maybe it was a plot point that the writers thought would make Dr. MC begin to feel defensive of him. I had a similar view of that scene in the Pen when the nurses are slating him – I don’t feel like that was a particularly strong narrative point aside from drumming up a little more of that “he loves you but can’t be with you because he’s damaged” conflict. Overall, I would say that Hosho’s route plot is not as dramatic and is rather a little more subdued than Takado’s route, but I felt like Takado needed a route that dramatic to bring him and Dr. MC together while Hosho doesn’t. His route is surprisingly heartbreaking, the more you find out about him the more you just feel so terrible for him. When I went back and flashed through to do the walkthrough, I realised how awful some of the things that people, including Dr. MC, say to him are in light of his past and it definitely made me feel a lot more for him. I found Hosho’s backstory really unique and creative, and it explores some fairly mature themes and definitely adds dimension to the dead relative trope. Because his situation has not been fully resolved, the narrative definitely sets up well for a second season, and I imagine at some point he will have to come to terms with reintroducing himself to his mother.

Regarding pacing, I felt the same reading Takado’s route but I find the routes always start off quite slow. If I were reading them outside of the no wait period, I probably wouldn’t make it past episode 7. There’s also something kind of tiring about being at the early episodes (probably until about halfway?) and just wondering when the actual plot will start haha. But once the backstory starts coming in, then the pace really picks up. I don’t know that this route needed 30 episodes because I don’t think they were utilised as well as Takado’s 30 but 30 episodes = likely more money for Voltage if you spend hearts to avoid wait times lol.

Something I noticed about the game is that when I went back to replay to make the walkthrough, I could actually choose select chapters (rather than having to revert back to episode 1 and play through all the way). I didn’t test this before getting to SHE so maybe the ‘Collector’s Edition’ perks are unlocked once you get SHE! Speaking of getting SHE, you and Hosho don’t end up together in the Normal Ending so… there’s that… and the scene is literally like less than 10 screens long. I feel like it’s slightly unfair since Takado’s Normal Ending at least still has a confession from him.

Finally, I did also note some coding errors in the text boxes, something that I haven’t seen much in newer Voltage titles (we kind of got used to seeing typos and errors pop up here and there in some of the older titles haha).

To me, Hosho and Takado are both guys that I think I like that have compelling histories. My main issue is just feeling like there’s some chemistry lacking with regards to Dr. MC and the expense of the Love Choice system. That said, I’m even more curious to see what happens in Sen’s route, which I believe should be coming out next.

Hosho’s route costs 197 hearts in total. Less than Takado but still a HUGE amount. If you really wanted to buy all the heart scenes, I would suggest making the most of the heart sale that’s on right now and getting the 200+10 hearts deal for 19.99 although this is still atrociously expensive. (lol this is how long ago I started writing this review). As always with Love Choice, you miss out on key plot points if you don’t pick the heart scenes, or there will be contradictions between your choice and what happens next. I really wish there was a better way to still get the plot points and key elements and just miss out on some sweet scenes. Like with Takado’s route, a huge amount of hearts are concentrated in the last 10 chapters. Between chapter 20 and 29 of Takado’s route, the heart scenes cost 110 hearts; with Hosho’s the heart scenes in chapters 20 and 29 cost a whopping 133 hearts!!! This means that 67.5% of the required hearts are concentrated in the last third of the route with 16 points value, so I would save hearts for some of the later scenes rather than the earlier ones if you wanted the heart scenes and/or to get to SHE. If you ignore the ones that I said aren’t worth it, that should give you 26 points which brings you to SHE with all the CGs. Alternatively, scroll past the walkthrough to see the CGs.

Walkthrough below:

Ep 1: (by the way, these options didn’t have “A” or “B” which I think is an inconsistency)

“Let’s start in Pathology.”

“Nurses Station first.”

Ep 2: A: “Are you sure?”

B: “I don’t believe you.”

Ep 3:

A: “I’ll keep that in mind.”

B: “I can’t quit now.”

Ep 4:

A: “Wow. Ouch.”

B: “It’s so true.”

Ep 5:

A: “I don’t get it either.”

B: “It IS beautiful.”

Ep 6:

A: Keep watching. (Love Meter +1/CG) 5 hearts

B: Leave him alone.

Ep 7:

A: “Yes, please!”

B: “Don’t you want to visit your folks?”

Ep 8: (Plot point here)

A: Visit the temple. (Love Meter +2) 8 hearts

B: Turn back.

Ep 9:

A: “Like what sort of people?”

B: “Speaking from experience?”

Ep 10:

A: “Yeah.”

B: “Do you think I’m joking?”

Ep 11: (Absolutely useless. Don’t waste your hearts on this)

A: Start a consult. (Love Meter +2) 10 hearts

B: Admit to being stumped.

Ep 12:

A: “Snap out of it!”

B: “Heeelp!”

Ep 13?: (Not really sure this one is worth it)

A: Try to convince him (Love Meter +2) 10 hearts

B: Leave it alone.

Ep 14:

A: “He’s not like that!”

B: “Wanna bet?”

Ep 15: (A fairly nice scene and a decent heart to love meter value)

A: Go home with Tetsuya. (Love Meter +3) 13 hearts

B: Go to your place.

Ep 16:

A: “Just get some rest.”

B: “Do you want anything?”

Ep 17:

A: Talk to him. (Love Meter +2) 10 hearts

B: Watch him go.

Ep 18:

A: Suck it up.

B: “Should I go in looking like this?”

Ep 19:

A: “I want to be a neurosurgeon.” (Love Meter +2) 8 hearts

B: “I want to go to Ortho.”

Ep 20:

A: Stick up for him. (Love Meter +1/CG) 13 hearts

B: Feign ignorance.

Ep 21:

A: “I’m just his coworker.”

B: “I don’t have that power.”

Ep 22: (Don’t waste hearts on this. Basically nothing happens)

A: See him off. (Love Meter +1) 10 hearts

B: Go with him.

Ep 23: (Some plot here that will be missed without the heart scene but I don’t think it’s that necessary)

A: Talk about it. (Love Meter +3) 20 hearts

B: Do nothing.

Ep 24: (Important plot points and cute baby Hosho scenes)

A: “Tell me.” (Love Meter +1) 15 hearts

B: “I’d rather not.” (you get a second chance to select A if you select this option)

Ep 25: (gives you some love meter points but story-wise I don’t really think it’s worth it)

A: Offer comfort. (Love Meter +3) 19 hearts

B: What’s done is done.

Ep 26:

A: “I refuse.” (Love Meter +1/CG) 15 hearts

B: “All right.”

Ep 27: (Expensive but LOTS of story)

A: “Yes, please.” (Love Meter +3) 22(?!) hearts

B: “I’d rather not.” (you get a second chance to select A)

Ep 28:

A: “Sure.”

B: “I’ll go home with you too?”

Ep 29:

A: Squeeze his hand (Love Meter +3) 19 hearts

B: You can’t respond.

CGs:

#romance md: always on call #romance md #rmd #rmdaoc #tetsuya hosho #voltage #voltage inc #voltage otome #otome game #otome blog #otome romance #love 365 #love 365 find your story #review #walkthrough #otome walkthrough #love choice #宝生哲也

[halfgap]

This is such a tiny (& likely pointless) quibble that’s been bothering me for a long, long time, way before I got into CR. Basically writers and fandom (esp. recently) are really, really into the whole “found family” or “families of choice” trope, and like. So am I, 100%. But a lot of the thought/language surrounding it -- in all areas of fandom -- tends to veer in a direction that almost always makes me uncomfortable.

Below the cut bc this got rambly & senseless fast lol

Like... it’s sort of this popular fixation on assigning kinship terms to each individual or non-romantic relationship within the “found family” unit. Like, “oh this is the dad of the group, this is the mom, this is the weird uncle, these two are siblings, etc.” And obviously in some cases it’s very appropriate or even comes directly from the writers/characters (which is another issue of its own tbh but.. later). But it bugs me that so many people are so keen on categorizing these relationships through this rigid kinship terminology in the first place. 

(And I know I’m looking at this from a very unfortunately Eurocentric perspective, since there are so many cultures that don’t base their ideas of “kinship” on biology at all and don’t automatically prioritize blood relations as “true” family, which is why my weird specific quibbles on this may be entirely pointless, and I’m open to hearing thoughts. But I also suspect that most of the people participating in this popular trend/habit I’m talking about are coming from a similar cultural perspective as mine...)

Anyway, I can’t really articulate why this has always annoyed me so much other than to say... I feel like people refuse to let the word “friends” just be, and be important & valued? And it’s good that people are re-defining the word “family” so that it can function independent of any blood ties, but this obsession with like, “dad, siblings, the vodka aunt etc” to me still feels strongly tied to the older ideas of kinship through blood & marriage, basically this.. strictly defined family tree sort of deal. If people want to push forward the idea that the platonic bonds we choose & create for ourselves can be just as important or even more important than biological bonds or romantic/sexual ones, then why do we have to insist on these older kinship labels that both implicitly continue to privilege older ideas of family (by people “upgrading” relationships from “friends” to “siblings/parents/etc”) and also bear the same limitations? Like, a great fucking thing about these chosen bonds are that they don’t have to be defined or boxed into any one predetermined social role, they can be amorphous and intense and transcend the language we currently have access to.

Like, when people kept asking Ash and Taliesin on TM if Yasha and Molly considered themselves siblings... That made me uncomfortable, especially after they both conclusively said “no.” Ashley’s made it clear that Molly was the most important person in her life after she left Xhorhas, he’s a soul mate and a friend and a confidant and a buddy but she clarified that Yasha doesn’t see him as “a brother, exactly..” Partly I think it’s because there is a potential dimension of some form of romantic bond within their intense platonic love, but even with that they’d never consider themselves dating or anything like that, either -- or they can also ‘just’ be read as 100% platonic past & present & future, depending on where you’re coming from. Like, it’s ambiguous & amorphous & intense & loving & good, and I like that it defies categorization, I like that the best way to describe them is “they’re very close friends” and that doesn’t mean less than if they were lovers or “adoptive siblings” or whatever. The whole circus was kind of the same way, and Tal even said that Molly didn’t consider any of them a “parental” figure when fans asked about Gustav, but decided that Gustav was the closest to that role if we had to look at things that way. But we don’t!!!!

People also asked several times if Beau and Molly considered themselves siblings -- again, no!!!!! (But I feel like that’s probs bc the cast are also largely used to the idea we get from so much media & stories where a friend/comrade is “upgraded” to a “brother/sister/whatever” after a certain degree of trust/intimacy that Beau and Molly didn’t have yet... but still, I don’t think Beau and Molly ever needed to develop into siblings in the first place!! Ahhhh!!!) Weirdly a funny related example I can think of is that one Community episode when they were like “This study group is like a family!!” but then a lot of hidden trysts and scandals and feelings were discussed/debated, and at the end Jeff admitted that maybe they weren’t like a family, exactly, maybe it was more complicated than that. And it is!!! But that doesn’t mean that group bond matters less than family!!! (Also the ‘wholesome as the family on the Brady Bunch’ -> ‘incestuous & dysfunctional as the cast of the Brady Bunch’ joke is hilarious).

Also!!!! In Leverage when people are so fixated on calling Nate the dad, Sophie the mom, Eliot & Parker & Hardison the kids, or like one weird youtube comment I saw acknowledging how Parker & Hardison are dating, well, now Hardison is just the daughter’s boyfriend!! Like ?????? What? Nate has really dad-like interactions, Sophie sometimes has really mom-like interactions, and I love it all and it’s funny, but they’re not equivalent to a mom & dad. Sophie flirts with Eliot, Nate & Sophie can both be really dumb & competitive with all of the other 3.. Eliot has sibling-like interactions with Hardison and Parker sometimes, and he also has love interest-like reactions, and he also has Best Friend-like interactions, and they’re all good & important & only part of a greater, harder to define whole that forms their bond.

And like, I realize that y’know, ultimately all these words aren’t real, like.. language is constantly evolving because all the ‘meaning’ (denotive & connotative) of these words are something we construct as a society in an effort to best reflect what society perceives as reality/truth... And that probably every individual gets a slightly different meaning in their mind when any given word comes up anyway.. Which is why ‘family’ now doesn’t really frustrate me as much when used in the same contexts as I was just ranting about with ‘mom/dad/brother/sister/etc’ but I dunno. I’m just suspicious of what feels like people trying to re-imagine these bio-family words so they can encompass non-biological bonds, rather than maybe instead trying to just? Keep words like friendship and platonic and whatever and push them until they gain a connotation of importance as much as ‘family’ (& related terms) and ‘spouse’ or whatever has? Because if we don’t want bio families to take precedence over chosen families in any way, then I think our language has to reflect that, and people need to stop fckin dismissing friendship in the first place. It weirdly reminds me of some people trying to get literary arts & humanities etc added to “STEM” bc they believe science shouldn’t be viewed as more valuable than the arts, but then in those very attempts to ““elevate”” the arts, they’re just??? Already playing into this assumption that STEM is higher, more important etc?? And treating arts as some form of science just limits it & removes a lot of the dimensions of art that makes it valuable - & different from science - in the first place? Which was what I was saying before about people trying to cram relationships like Yasha’s & Molly’s into a defined familial one?

Okay I realize this is just incoherent unhinged rambling at this point but I’m just trying to parse my inexplicable frustration on the go here lmao. If anyone who might have perspective on this wants to?? Help me out here, it’d be great to hear your thoughts. Am I just being overly suspicious & nitpicky??? Maybe!!!!! But that’s why I called it a quibble!!!!

anyway tl;dr the M9 are a group of friends, best friends even, and that can be just as important & prioritized as family/romantic partners, but if you really want to say the M9 are ‘like family’ or a family then I guess I’m ok with that too, but for some reason anything more specific than that tends to grind my gears bc I’m Weird

[bigskydreaming]

Tbh, another part of why I’m so vehemently anti-RPF is like.....one of the first things any legit agent or manager asks an actor when they sign them is if they’re willing to do nude scenes and/or sex scenes. And when there’s an actor whose work you follow cuz you think they’re hot and you notice they’ve never been in any kind of sex scene or even a shirtless scene, that’s not like...by accident, most of the time. 

Because a lot of actors aren’t comfortable with nude scenes. And it doesn’t have nearly as much to do with prudishness or religious reasons or any of that stuff as you might assume. I mean, I have done nude scenes. In some pretty big size productions as in with a full crew. And lemme tell you....they are NOT fun. Or sexy. Or hot. Like, even a little bit, lol.

Cuz like, its never just you and another actor in a bedroom. It’s you and another actor naked or close to naked.....in the middle of like.....forty fully dressed crewmen holding cameras and lighting and sound equipment and acting like you’re not just...naked in front of them, even though you and everyone else are actually super aware that yup, you definitely are. 

And there’s a million lights on you and set lights are HOT, they make you sweat like crazy, and so when you’re doing a lot of takes and getting sweaty from the lights you constantly have people running up to you between takes and like....toweling you off in a completely unsexy way, lol, and reapplying makeup and the whole time they’re not even talking to you but to each other, like you’re not even there, b/c they’re not trying to be rude but they’re in a hurry, they have to do this fast so there’s not really time to strike up a conversation with you while they do it. But its TOO weird to just be doing it in silence so they usually solve that awkwardness by being in the middle of a convo as they run up to you and your scene partner and just keep continuing it before running back.

And the whole time you’ve got a cranky, stressed and taking it out on everyone director yelling at you to basically...be more sexy, lol, with you having to do take after take after take and not even look just as into it as you did the take before, but dig deep and look even MORE into it. Because you wouldn’t still be shooting if you’d already done it right, you’re obvsly ‘not being sexy right’. And gotta say, lol, nothing makes it easier to feel and thus act sexy than an asshole you’d never sleep with in a million years yelling about how he’s not feeling like he wants to fuck you yet or like you want to fuck him yet. And he’s the audience, he says, he’s the people in the seats of the movie theater watching you pretend-fuck on screen, and so if he doesn’t feel like you wanna fuck him, then how do you expect they’re gonna be able to put themselves in the fantasy and feel like you’re talking to them, like you wanna fuck them? Ick.

So I mean....there’s actually a lot of reasons for actors to not want to do nude scenes, both men and women. Or for them to do one and then never do one again. And that’s not even getting into the after part of things, like....the weirdness of spending several more weeks working closely with several dozen people who have all seen you naked, up close and personal. Or the weirdness of knowing who-knows-how-many ppl out in the general public then have seen it too, fantasized about you, with you having no idea who any of them are, if you’d be like...comfortable with them having that level of intimacy with you if you did know who they are...*shrugs* Because there’s not really an easy way around the fact that someone seeing you naked IS a form of intimacy in our society. You’re exposed. You’re....all out there for them to critique or have opinions on or form fantasies about, with no way to reciprocate. And that’s a very weird feeling. That crosses well over into uncomfortable when you factor in that there’s no way to opt out of being seen like that by people you KNOW you wouldn’t want to share that level of intimacy with if it was just you and them.

Like, there’s one closeted actor I knew years ago who grew up in a small conservative town, and early on in his career he did a lot of sex-type scenes, like he was one of those actors who is pretty much always in a state of undress on every show he’s on, early on in their career. And he used to say how he never thought twice about it, thought he was totally fine with it....until he went back to his hometown for the holidays for the first time in years, and had all these old classmates and neighbors both his age and older women too, like actual friends of his parents or people who’d known him since he was a kid....and they were fawning over him while he was there and giggling about those scenes and how racy they were and blah blah...but the point was, when he came back to LA after the holidays, he just couldn’t do scenes like that anymore. 

Because, like he said, he’d never really thought of himself as someone who made the fact that he was gay a big part of his identity, but it was just too unsettling for him after that. Being aware that the very same people who were a huge part of why he was in the closet, because of all the shit they’d said when he was growing up about how gross and disgusting gay people and gay sex are...here they were, totally okay with and INTO simulated sex scenes that didn’t have an ounce of the intimacy he had in his actual sexual encounters with other guys. 

He was like “they’d all call me disgusting and tell me I was going to Hell if they found out what I do with boyfriends in my own home, but what I do on camera, surrounded by dozens of total strangers with a woman I only just met at our audition a week ago and have seen maybe twice since, like....that works for them?” And it just skeeved him out too much. He stopped auditioning for roles like that cold turkey, and I don’t think he’s actually ever done a nude scene since. He couldn’t get over knowing that the older women from his church who’d be the first to gossip about how sinful he was for having a boyfriend were instead gossiping on facebook about how hot he looked in this bedroom scene or whatever.

Anyway. Didn’t mean to go off on this tangent and didn’t realize that last post would bring this up, lmao. And tbh, like, I don’t ENJOY doing nude scenes, but I’ve never been bothered to the point of turning down a paying job. Like, it skeeves me out sometimes, stuff like I mentioned in that last post, coming face to face (so to speak) with the knowledge that someone I deeply dislike on a personal level has seen me that way and enjoyed it, but for me its a level of discomfort where I’m like, yeah, not ideal, but I can live with it. But for a lot of actors, it is a dealbreaker. 

And I feel this is something a lot of RPF-er’s don’t consider....like, with a lot of these celebrities, the way you’re talking about them, fantasizing about them, writing stories or sharing pictures about them, especially ones where there aren’t a lot of actual sexualized content available already for you to springboard off of, where you have to like...photoshop heads onto other bodies or make fanart from scratch.....they didn’t say they were cool with it. They didn’t give even the kinda tacit permission that comes from accepting a role where they willingly expose their entire body and self for anyone and everyone to see and to say or think whatever they want as a result. Like, someone accepting a job that casts them as the fantasy hero in a romance where they sweep their lover off their feet and gaze longingly into each other’s eyes and all that stuff....but with their clothes on....Its not exactly the same thing as voluntarily sexualizing themselves top to bottom, playing the part of an actively sexual being onscreen for you to then take in and absorb and do whatever you want with what they chose to put out there.

And thing is....this is still a form of consent, we’re talking about here. No, I’m not saying its the same kind as in a single person-to-person physical interaction. Violating someone’s consent so to speak, in this particular context, I’m not saying its interchangeable with someone being told no by a person and not stopping. I’m just saying....its not nothing either. You’re still taking away another human being’s right to decide whether or not they want you to have the level of intimacy that’s innately tied up in the viewing of a person in their most vulnerable state. Their right to decide whether they want you not just picturing them as a sexual fantasy, and in what ways. 

Because like....that’s the other thing about consent. It needs to be given for each individual interaction. It’s not a one-time issued all access pass. An actor consenting to be a part of your sexual fantasies in the role and form of a character from a movie where they have sex with another consenting adult.....is not a blank check saying hey, I’m also totally fine with you using my face and likeness and even name in your fantasies where you put me opposite a minor, or a homophobe, or an abuser. 

Like, just speaking for myself, I may be okay with however anyone chooses to view or think or talk about me based on the nude roles I’ve taken or in the context of them, even if it does make me kinda uncomfortable. But I very much would not the fuck be okay with someone sexualizing me opposite someone like, idk, Jared Leto, let’s say, someone that I fucking hate and would never in a million YEARS consent to being vulnerable, let alone intimate with, in any way, shape or form. 

I mean, lol, if you’ve been following me for long at all, think about what you know about me as a person, just in terms of like things I’m obviously passionate about, things I talk a lot about etc. Now keeping in mind what you know of me and my personality just as a person who exists beyond any particular fantasy someone might have after seeing me in a role, picture me as an actor. Say I someday ended up in a role in a shared universe franchise like Marvel or DC, where Jared Leto also played a role in that franchise, even if it wasn’t in the same movie, if I never actually consented to be in a movie starring alongside Jared Leto. But by virtue of the big sprawling franchise we’re both in and thus tangentially linked, there’s enough basis for someone who finds him hot and who also finds me hot to go, okay, I wanna ship them together, I want to craft my own sexual fantasy starring them both together, and maybe even write it out, share it online.

Now....knowing me even just on a ‘i follow this person on a social media platform’ level....do you think I’d be remotely comfortable with that? Sure, I’ll probably never find out, you could say, assuming you convince yourself I don’t know how to use google or never google myself or SHOULD never google myself, because....idg that logic tbh but whatever. But you still know. Isn’t it even just a little bit skeevy, building a sexy fantasy around two people when you know or are even just a little sure one of them would not the fuck consent to that?

Like, there’s no law against that, obviously. No one’s gonna come banging on your door and say you can’t do that, that you have Harmed Me in some material way and I’m gonna sue or press charges. But just purely from the standpoint of acknowledging that you may not know me at all, but you know that I exist somewhere on this planet as a living, breathing, thinking entity with my own agency and likes and dislikes....shouldn’t what I want or feel matter? Especially if I do happen to feel very strongly about this, to the point where I’ve taken actionable steps to NOT consent to be in any situation with someone like that where it could remotely be construed as sexual, or even like he’s someone who I could tolerate being around, like his very existence doesn’t gross me out given some of the stuff he’s done. Making deliberate, conscious choices to not take roles opposite him, stuff like that.

Now sure, you don’t know if this is the case, have no way of knowing this about any random actor, that they feel this way or would or would not have this or that opinion about the scenario you’re placing them in, if it were brought to their attention, if you had the opportunity to ask them face to face ‘hey would you be okay with this?’

But that’s the point. You don’t know. But at least maybe focus on actors in their ROLES that they chose to play, where they showed up to work and said okay, here I am to my job pretending to be this character who isn’t me, to bring them to life and make them real for audiences, make them someone they can imagine, or yes, fantasize about. Instead of just assuming for yourself that hey anything and everything is fair game because they took their shirt off in a show once and they’re an actor anyway so what does it matter, this is what they get paid for....

Well. No. Its not what we get paid for. We get paid for the job we sign up to do. That we CHOOSE to do. An actor gets paid to be fodder for sexual fantasies based around their role as a sexy spy in a thriller, maybe, but that’s not and really shouldn’t be treated as interchangeable with acting like they’re getting paid to be fodder for sexual fantasies with anyone and everything in every possible kinky scenario, consent not required, no age limit, anything goes.

I’m not saying its wrong to have sexual fantasies about an actor who’s lodged in your brain in a sexual context because yeah, they’ve done sex scenes before. I’m just saying....there’s a lot of angles that a lot of people don’t put any thought into at all before just doing whatever they want, and all these very important conversations about consent and sexual agency and all that.....they don’t stop being necessary just because they’ve crossed into territory where you don’t want to have these particular conversations, where there’s a status quo you’re comfortable with even if you think a status quo in another area of society needs to be challenged.

Anyway.

Oops, I thought I was done but I kept going. Why am I like this. Okay, now I’m done. Anyway. Just thoughts I have and thus shared, do with them as you will.

[sindumpster]

What are your honest thoughts on Mpreg?

Honestly my thoughts towards mpreg are extremely conflicted and some of this may come off as a hot take to it’s more popular form so like…take my words with a grain of salt, don’t let what I say here dictate how you do things or what you feel comfortable with.

Also I’ll include a break if you just want to skip down to the things I like.

So…full disclosure, I’m extremely picky about mpreg. And one of the things that squicks me most (which also happens to be 90% of all mpreg content) is sentient babies. Especially when the art/writing is clearly horny and written from that perspective, if the baby has any chance of becoming a thinking and talking person I cannot get invested in that. Do note I have no issue with say, a happy couple having sex while one is preggo, that’s absolutely fine, sexual intimacy between is fine (not really my thing as an angst writer, but it’s fine). But the whole “baby makes me horny” thing…sorry but no. Like I could never justify having a baby for horny reasons, it’s not something I can wrap my brain around or tell myself it’s okay? If anything content like that just makes me worry constantly about the baby itself…which is why it took me so long to figure out what kinds of mpreg I do like.

Wholesome mpreg I can deal with, on a level. But I’m still an angst writer, and a lack of conflict bores me pretty quick.

Note, too, that I am 100% childfree. I don’t particularly like babies, and this may very much cloud my opinion on mpreg. In my mind, pregnancy is a huge hassle. It’s giving up a lot of your bodily functions in order to grow what is essentially at the time, a parasite. And yeh eventually you give birth to the parasite and then’s it’s a bundle of joy, but internally babies put the body through so much extra BS and it kinda sucks? Especially for humans, human pregnancy is pretty sucky in comparison to a lot of the animal realm (I mean sure we’re not sea lice levels of “ohgodWHY” but we’re not…good).

And on that coin, pregnancy is something I’m actually pretty afraid of. Not just for the shit it’d put me through, including making me feel really shitty about myself cuz it’d force me back into the female role, but any child I have would not be wanted…which is it’s own bundle of issues I’m not going to go into lol. But fear has a way of becoming kink and fascination so you might be able to tell what I’m insinuating here.

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

….anyways, all that clarification stuff aside, let’s get into, well, what I’m actually into?

So as a baby-hater–I mean childfree man (lmao) who is themselves scared of pregnancy and doesn’t like the idea of sentient babies, and yet enjoys angst and fucking with characters physically and psychologically…I settled more onto non-sentient pregnancy and parasitism/surrogacy. So basically once the babies pop out, they’re pretty much good to go and run off to do animalistic things. Maybe they share one touching glance with the unfortunate fella that just had to push them out of him, but after that the deed is done and that’s that. No “bundle of joy” fluff for me, sorry.

Also, most of the characters I target for this (*coughcoughjakecough*) are themselves battling with the issue of having kids–for one reason or other it’s a conflicting thing for them and it puts them through all kinds of hell trying to come to terms with it, figuring out what to do about it, whether to try hiding it or not, etc. Basically angst that focuses on the character going through it, not so much on the brood, because it’s kind of implied the brood will be fine no matter what, there’s no worry necessary focusing on their outcome, it’s focusing more on the character torment itself and what choices the character makes.

As for nonsentients broods, I tend to use either demons or monsters as filler (lol) since both can be easily attributed animalistic qualities and not really care about the father? They can also be given more beast-like qualities, they can come in any shape or size, so they can also have cool designs? They can also have spikes and other nasty things that make it really uncomfortable for the one carrying them, because…angst. They also tend not to really care about the torment they cause or really capable of understanding it, they mostly just act as pretty nasty parasites until they’re finally birthed. At best they might later become a sort of “pet”, but there’s no real father-child bond, yet the child itself is still innocent in a sense because it doesn’t any know better, it’s just doing what it does. (granted I rarely ever use “children” or “child” in my mpreg stuff, it’s usually “brood”, “offspring”, “litter”, “spawn” that more depersonalizes it because it’s not human).

And then most of my mpreg stuff is geared to Jake since he’s by far the angstiest about it. Like in a way Jake does crave some more feminine roles (he’ll never admit it of course), but the idea of having children freaks him out completely. He knows he’s not parent material and a really bad role model, that he’s not safe in his own right (the whole living in hiding as well as just being an unpredictable predator), much less for a kid, and frankly he has no idea what decent parents would do because he doesn’t have any to refer to (he didn’t have any father figure ever, and his mother just did not care about him–high key he’s also afraid of becoming like them the second he has a kid). But at the same time he’s appealing to creatures seeking something to serve as a surrogate to their broods (think oviposition, but the broods are squirmy and not eggs). He’s stretchy so he can take on more than the average schmuck, he’s tougher on the inside so he can put up with more abuse, and his magic is extremely easy to hijack in order to allow for him to keep everything alive and thriving, and he’s always very well-fed so the brood isn’t going to risk not getting enough nutrients anytime soon. The only thing he sucks at is the delivery, but there’s plenty of ways to get around that so it’s not that much of a loss given the appeal of someone that can grow a bunch of monsters quickly. And also sucking at the delivery=angst and possible medical drama, which is good shit.

So I guess basically end of the day I’m one of those guys that mostly just sees potential in mpreg for angst content? And for forcing characters to develop and deal with emotions you don’t usually get to see? Although honestly I’d argue that what I pedal /isn’t/ mpreg, at least in the traditional sense, because the baby itself isn’t the focus, nor is it sentent. But most people don’t know what I mean when I say “monster/demon surrogacy” or “monster/demon parasitism” so I mostly just call what I do “fringe mpreg” and call it a day.

#tmw wiggy writes too many words #lmao #mpreg #monster surrogacy #monster parasitism #asks #anonymous

[nanarnin]

Okay. So.

I may be coming to terms with the realisation that I may very well be aromantic. Or, i don't know, profoundly afraid of monogamy/intimacy/labels and I'm just misinterpreting my feelings wrong and offending a lot of people with calling my experience aromantic (not my intention but someone who IS aro please tell me if whatever this is fits the general consensus or is entirely wrong PLEASE).

This is going to basically be a word vomitty mess but I need to put this down in writing for me so it's here. Yay. I'm fucking sorry in advance this is a mess so welcome to my state of mind always, I guess.

I have never had a crush. Ever. I've thought people were hot? Yes. Have I had any desire to be in a 'committed relationship' with said hot people? Never. A couple of times I've gotten to know people and then thought that I might like to date them (because that's what people do apparently and so I thought that's what I had to do too) but looking back on it? I just wanted a deeper, more profound friendship. As a teenager I actually made up a crush on someone just so my friends would stop calling me a liar every time I said I had never had a crush.

The thought of never being in a romantic relationship does not scare me. Honestly? That is how I picture my future?? I do not understand why anyone would actively seek out a romantic relationship. It holds absolutely no appeal to me, it honestly never has, I do not want or need a romantic relationship in fact the thought makes me so profoundly uncomfortable I do anything in my power to actively avoid that situation. I'm not kidding when the idea of me personally in a romantic relationship has felt so wrong I've had panic attacks about it. Because, you know, the whole 'getting married is a societal expectation' thing that has been shoved down our (especially girls) throats our entire lives. Long story short IT SCARES THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF ME THAT IN THE FUTURE I MIGHT BE IN A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE I DO NOT WANT THAT FOR MYSELF RIGHT NOW AND I DO NOT SEE MYSELF WANTING THAT AND IT FEELS WRONG AND THIS IS NOT SHORT AT ALL FUCKING GOD.

I like casual sex. I like friends with benefits (and none of that tropey, they were in love all along because to be perfectly honest I fucking love my friends and I would happily fuck them on the regular but I do not want our friendship to change into whatever the fuck a romantic relationship is, and I think that means I am not in love with them). I have no problem with multiple partners as long as everyone is consenting and communicative and enjoying of said fact. I find multiple genders attractive i.e I am very comfortably a bisexual women.

IF A 'RELATIONSHIP' WAS DEFINED AS JUST BEING FRIENDS WHO FUCK (BITCH I ALREADY DO THAT ITS CALLED FWB) THEN I THINK I WOULD BE FINE WITH BEING IN A 'RELATIONSHIP' but it's not, it's something else (apparently) and I've never felt that and I literally still do not fully believe that it is a real thing that everybody is experiencing and not just hyping up because it is just so outside the my own reality and sphere of experience. But I've seen my relationshipped friends and I know that whatever it is, it means something fucking real to them so. I guess I'm a believer. Whatever.

I guess my problem is, i cannot comprehend loving someone differently from how I love my friends? And yes I love all of my friends 'differently' and it is expressed in different ways but I'm pretty sure it all falls under the net of 'friendship love'. Which I guess we can call platonic except I do find a number of them attractive and I would/have had sex with some of them so is that still platonic? I think it is? I would never date any of them, in fact I've almost dated some of them and it sucked because I hated every second of THAT.

Okay so maybe I'm afraid of intimacy? Possibly? Except I can be pretty intimate with my friends, to the point where some people call it weird lmao. god. I've been called the Ultimate Third Wheel because I know literally everything about some of my friends relationships/sex lives/personal lives and it's just something a lot of people feel comfortable sharing with me? Maybe my easy nature makes people relax a little too much around me? (Lol they probably can feel that i have no desire to be in a relationship so I'm not gonna slide in there like a little snake hiss hiss so they don't have to get all possessive or whatever). Maybe I just have really open friends I don't fucking know.

So basically intimacy isn't an issue BUT it does take a long time to build up that intimacy/I'm an intovert and really make no effort in making new friends unless they make a bigger effort/I do not open up around new people at all and it sometimes takes years to reach the levels I am at with some people. So maybe it is still a problem but I just overcompensate when I do have intimate friendships by going ham with the intimate part??? FUUUUUUUCK!?! Maybe I'm just fucked up??? I don't know okay. But if that was true wouldn't I want to date at least one of my friends? And I really do not.

Okay so maybe I have a problem with labels?? Also possible. Took a really long time for me to comfortable label myself as bi because I personally think everybody experiences sexuality differently and that to label it is to place it in a box and take away from the fact that those labels in themselves mean different things to people because we all interpret things differently blah blah blah bisexual is just easy and best fits how I feel about my own attractions to others. I don't think we NEED labels for something to be real to us but I also think in some circumstances we've been forced to label things to give them credibility in a world that would rather they did not exist.

So maybe I have a fear of labelling a romantic relationship as a romantic relationship because the connotations of a romantic relationship scare me??? Is that what is happening??? I'm pretty comfortable with friendships as explained above, in fact I'm overly comfortable lmao. Maybe what I consider a deep and profound friendship others would consider a romantic relationship? And therefore it is the label of romantic that makes me so very uncomfortable to apply to my own relationships???????????????? Again. I don't fucking know.

Monogamy is not something I care about at all. If you want to be monogamous fine do that. If you want to be polyamorous... fine. Do that. Don't care. Carry on with you day. Do I fear monogamy in my own life? I have no idea. Maybe that's the reason I don't want a romantic relationship? But then I don't particularly want a polyamorous relationship either. (I do have to admit that the idea of a polyam relationship does not make me as uncomfortable as a mono one but I think that's because I perceive a polyam relationship as somehow more casual than mono one which is completely untrue and I know that but that's just how my brain WANTS it to be so that's just a me being biased/stereotypical/internalizing misinformation thing...). So yeah that.

Any this is how I have felt my entire life and one of the reasons why I personally have black listed the tag 'reader insert' because even though I find fictional relationships incredibly interesting I do not ever want that for me for some reason.

I. I need a fucking cookie that was emotionally draining to write Jesus Christ.

Anyway. This has been a fun, am I fucked up or this something that normal people experience too, essay.

Fuck.

#long post #jesus fucking god help me and my mind #overload #oversharing #word vomit #mess #im sorry #rant #personal #aro #aromantic #intimacy #commitment issues #monogamy #labels #polyamory #relationships #romantic relationship #friendship #i say fuck a lot #issues #god #help #lgbt #confusion #lgbt+ #bi #calling all aros #show me the way #fuuuuuuuuck

[bottomakoto]

Hello ! What is your favorite moment from Free! (all the seasons and movies included) ? Plural if it's too hard *snickers* see ya, love your blog

haha oh wow what a question~ it so hard to decide lol (under a cut bc i couldn’t pick just one fav, so it ended up being super long lmao♥)

i guess if i had to choose.. my number one would probably have to be makoto confessing that he loves haru in the high speed movie (it doesnt really fit with the continuity, but damn if it aint the sweetest, most pure and full of love scene in the whole series♥)

just makoto working through his feelings and finally coming to terms with one of his biggest issues regarding whether he swims because he likes it, or if he’s just there because of haru. that he comes to the conclusion that its both, that he loves haru… i love this scene bc its these two talking out their feelings and working things out! 

i also consider this when makoto realizes his feelings for haru♥

tho i definitely have to mention my favorite scene from when the series first came out! this scene is so soft and so dear to me, i honestly just really love it with my whole heart♥ ♥ (haha i guess im weak to confession scenes)

just makoto’s soft blush, the intimacy,, the light returning to haru’s eyes after feeling troubled for so long!!♥ ♥ it really shows just how soothing and comforting these two are to each other, and how much they care about each other,, its so good (and the OST from this part always used to make me cryy!! its so good, like when the guitar starts, im gone; ;))

one of my favs from s2 is probably the entirety of episode 8 when makoto was helping out at the SC! sweet soft makoto teaching smol little babies how to swim was the absolute sweetest omg!! and u kno i have a HUGE weakness for jealous!haru🙏 🙏 🙏 just,, haru saying he won’t visit makoto, but then making up a bunch of excuses to drop by, before just making it a habit to pick him up every day kills me😂😂 

(showing up w their kids to support their dad like a happy family,, so cute♥)

tho tbh this scene kills me every goddamn time,, the gorgeous animation,, haru’s starstruck expression,, i love this so much.. makoto races haru because he feels jealous of the passion he has with rin (which breaks my heart) but i also feel like part of this was proving to haru that makoto wont leave; that haru wont hurt makoto with swimming. haru is still scarred by how bad things went with rin and its a fear he still struggles with, so makoto’s loving support through his own issues here is just so so good and so healing and i love it♥ ♥ ♥

and ohh my god makoto’s dream from the beginning of Take Your Marks kills me 😂😂 tbh i don’t ever think i will ever stop screaming about this, like oohh my god,, that ♥Waifu Material♥,, and just makoto literally dreaming about his domestic life of cooking breakfast for haru and then haru deadass just stripping oh my god😂 there is no heterosexual explanation for this omg(also its just the sweetest thing ever,, makoto is so soft,,♥ ♥ ♥)

lmao and since im putting my favs from each installment, the baby makoharu montage from Timeless Medley was just so fucking cute~~ watching them grow up together and tiny lil baby mako and haru are so adorable!! his little feets~~ (i miss the days when makoto was shorter than haru~) and just tiny mako hiding behind haru and haru getting ready to protect him,, is my favorite thing♥

and of course the new season has so much good makoharu content so far,, haru teasing poor makoto and the heartwarming staple of this show and their relationship of makoto extending his hand to haru♥ i just love the lighthearted scenes and im so so excited for the rest of the season!!♥

and just makoto’s soft, sweet smiles,,, this always kills me!!♥

Bonus: my favorite non-makoto scene is definitely maid nitori from the ova!!! he looked so gorgeous like omgg so cute! like this is literally all of my hopes and dreams,, what a blessing♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ he’s so beautiful!!!♥

#makoharu #harumako #free #lmao this answer just turned into a makoharu compilation #this is so long but i had to cut it down so much lmaoo #it was so hard to narrow down my favs #(especially since i was going through my free! folder and kept seeing so many good scenes) #so yea there are a ton more that i love #but this is the best i can narrow it down #im honestly so excited for the new season!! #lets hope there's even more harumako!! #my stuff #anonymous #anon #ask #((u really shouldnt have given me the option of more than one lol) #♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

[bartsugsy]

So you think Robert was attracted/lust for Rebecca is why he slept with her? I don't agree at all It not about her he not attracted to her

Nooooooope not what I said at all. Not even slightly. I’ve never once said that anon. I said he has issues understanding how to be faithful - even to Aaron. I think I phrased that wrong though - it’s more that he has an unconventional way of thinking about it??? That probably requires a lot more fuckin open conversation than he’s ever given it if it were to continue?????

I think with Chrissie, he just had no regard for her feelings and was more out to have a good time regardless, and then he obviously started a whole affair with Aaron and fell in love with him.

With Aaron, it’s more… ok it revolves around Robert’s understanding of how he uses sex - there’s sex with Aaron, who he loves, who he is emotionally intimate with. And then there’s flirting, kissing and ultimately sex that can be used as a means to an end - as a way to accomplish a goal? And to Robert, those are different things. So even when he’s cheating on Aaron, or doing something that Aaron wouldn’t want him to do, aside from the eventual one night stand, in his mind those things are completely separate from his relationship with Aaron because they’re not an expression of love or intimacy - in his mind the idea that there’s any comparison is hilariously absurd and so he himself doesn’t necessarily see it for what it is, or see it as particularly bad, because those actions are so much less than what he has with Aaron? I mean - he does see it as wrong (if he didn’t he’d be more open about it) but he doesn’t see it as…. like I don’t think, to him, it’s a sign that he loves Aaron any less? Because in his mind nothing can compete???? There’s his love for Aaron and then there’s everything else. It’s ridiculous and he’s an idiot ok, but I just…. this is what I’m always left thinking, when I think about this.

Here’s my reasoning behind this - let’s just go step by step through the instances in which Robert has physically cheated on Aaron:

The first Robert/Rebecca kiss:

this is the stupidest kiss because it makes no fuckin sense to me but hey - it supports my theory. We have Robert kissing Rebecca as a way to prove he’s not into her. He’s spent the days since her return flirting with her, which we know is to butter her up to try and get her to betray her family and help Andy. He hasn’t explained this part to Aaron, conveniently, but he has told him he brought her back and got her to slap him lmao.

ANYWAY, he eventually kisses her bc she keeps trying to get him to and then is immediately like “oh bless ty for proving to me that i only ever want to kiss Aaron for the rest of my life I’d rather not sleep with u I am a loyal person now because I’ve found the person I want to be loyal too xoxo” and then goes off, literally buys Aaron a ring and makes out with him in the pub hallway. Insane. Anyway, it was a means to an end (it should have done absolutely nothing to help him win Rebecca over but it turns out Robert knows her better than I do and understood that a little thing like “I feel nothing for you” would never stop Rebecca White) - it was a way for Robert to prove to himself that he had no desire to cheat on Aaron emotionally. Which. I guess. He didn’t. Sigh.

Naturally, everyone cheats as a way to prove they’re never going to cheat.

Why were we surprised this marriage ended in a surprise baby again?

Anyway.

I remember when this stuff was first airing and I made a post (that probably ended up in my drafts bc all my controversial meta at that time ended up in my drafts) that said that Robert seemed to be pushing the boundaries of how far he felt he could take things with Rebecca while still being loyal to Aaron in a way that sat right with him internally and that he was taking himself further and further out of his own comfort zone - and that it would all inevitably blow up in his face. (ok this doesn’t sound controversial but it was controversial at the time lmao) I stand by that even with hindsight, I think. It just throws up interesting questions about where Robert’s own personal moral boundaries are and how they might differ to another persons - Aaron’s in particular - especially without any open and clear conversation to Aaron to go alongside it. And the post also said that Aaron’s presence in Robert’s life complicated things because pre-Aaron, Robert would hella just sleep with Rebecca. Now in this age of needing to draw a lot firmer lines because Aaron is someone to consider, he was sort of… struggling to adapt a little, and floundering.

ANYWAY MOVING ALONG

The Second Rob/Rebecca Kiss:

So, obvs Rob is hella over helping Andy now, Andy who, he’s spotted an opportunity to make money and he’s gonna take it 🙌🏼 monay monay monay monayyyy (monayyyyy!)

He’s leading Rebecca on and doing his flirty thing blah blah and she kisses him and he kisses back but is then like UH NOT RIGHT NOW BABE HAHAHA whilst internally screaming and then he tries to hide it and it all comes out anyway and Aaron is the least surprised and Robert is literally like… LOOK HE BARELY EVEN SAYS SORRY OK

HE’S LITERALLY LIKE AARON HOW IN THE FUCK COULD U EVER BELIEVE I ACTUALLY MEANT THAT PLS HAVE U SEEN U??? MY LOVE FOR U WILL NEVER END ULL ALWAYS BE A PART OF MEEE AS LONG AS TIME KEEPS ON PASSING BY YOULL ALWAYS BE MY BABY BOOOOYYY~~~

HE LITERALLY SAYS TO REBECCA U KNOW I WASNT INTO IT SMH

WHY DOES HE JUST ASSUME EVERYONE INCLUDING REBECCA KNOWS THAT HE IS EMOTIONALLY COMMITTED TO ONLY AARON EVEN WHILE TRYING TO FUCKIN LEAD REBECCA ON WITH HIS MAGIC DICK he’s an absurd man absolutely absurd

HES LIKE AARON IF U KISSED SOMEONE I WOULD IMMEDIATELY BELIEVE U DIDNT ENJOY OR WANT IT it kills me this whole situation kills me but JUST LOOK AT HIM CASUALLY SEPARATING HIS CASUAL PHYSICALITY IN AN ATTEMPT TO GET HIS OWN WAY WITH OTHER PEOPLE AND THE WAY HE IS WITH AARON bc nothing compares to aaron? and that’s just the way the world is, according to robert j sugden.

The one night stand:

OK DIFFERENT BC HE IS USING IT AS A WAY TO HURT AARON BUT LITERALLY IN THE REVEAL HE SAYS AS MUCH AND HE SAYS IT’S EMPTY AND JUST it’s just a pattern ok he just sort of… uses sex as a tool in a lot of ways that come back to bite him and also in ways that he never ultimately seems particularly proud of

But also, it’s at least occasionally implied, in ways that work out really well for him - I think it just worked out better before Aaron came along and he had a reason to not fuck around? And reconciling those two things has proved an interesting challenge for him?

One that he has essentially failed so far lmao.

This whole post is so excessively OTT and i haven’t even gone into enough detail and obvs we could talk about rob flirting with the random lady ahead of the January fight too and his insistence that flirting to get business done is just how things happen aaron chill out son LIKE HE LITERALLY THREATENED TO BREAK UP WITH AARON OVER THAT

we could also talk about his relationships with larry and chrissie and bex in 2014 and before then - and with larry now, but we talk about that enough don’t we

Anyway, this is fascinating to me and slightly sad and I think it also fits the classic “depraved bisexual” trope if I’m remembering that correctly, but idk

I just don’t think this is necessarily the sex positive ~do what u want live ur life as u want it~ life and more just a ~robert has an interesting view on his worth and how that relates to his physical attractiveness and he seemed a lot more comfortable with that before aaron was in the picture but that still didn’t stop him after aaron did come along it just made things a lot harder and at least in terms of present day it certainly isn’t coming from a place of happiness~

and like i said earlier it makes me want to sit him down and repeat burt hummel’s sex ed speech to him idk

This is the stupidest meta I’ve ever written yw

#this meta deserved a lot more care than I actually gave it but I just wanted to finish and eat my cookie #answering anons #long post #how do I even... tag this.... #meta

[keepyourpantsongohan]

Ayesha Liveblogs Naruto Shippuden S18

“I put the entire burden on you Naruto” The Entire Burden is a nickname for Sasuke and I love it

Team 7 protecting each other while still making time to flirt is my aesthetic

In terms of actually using all three members in a cohesive unit Team 10 has by far the best teamwork in their year

Episodes since Tenzo has been missing: 117!!!! FREE HIM

Sakura doesn’t trust Sasuke and that’s good because she has no reason to do so

“I’m over it” said Kakashi for the first time in his life ever

Poor Minato he is being traumatized even in the afterlife 

“That was anticlimactic” amazing that even in times of war Sasuke still finds time to be a bitch

What is this out of continuity Frankenstein episode

I THOUGHT FOR A SECOND OROCHIMARU BUILT A FAKE SASUKE

Sasuke walks away from the village just like he walks away from his emotional issues

I can already tell this two episode arc is going to be very stupid but I love it because I miss Tenzo and Neji 

This doesn’t make any sense because Asuma died while Naruto was training to learn the Rasenshuriken so Ino, Choji and Shikamaru should living their most tragic lives atm

I liked it better when Orochimaru was making a fake Sasuke 

Naruto’s two dramatic dads coming to the rescue 

“Don’t worry, it’s okay. This is where Kakashi and I used to come to make out,” said the Gay Subtext 

I can’t believe they’re taking Akamaru but not Kiba kgjhkjdfhgdkfjhgkh KAKASHI HAS EIGHT DOGS OF HIS OWN

So Kiba is coming though this party seems a little large for this kind of mission lmao

I’m not sure what’s funnier that Kakashi is still reading Makeout Paradise or that he has finally stuffed his team members inside a box for their own protection

Me @ those horrified Hokage faces: ....Same

“Wait, who’s holding the front? No one’s theeeeere” KAKASHI PLS

If the Gaara handshake and Kakashi piggyback are the best two minutes of anime I’ve ever seen then this was definitely the worst two minutes the rainbow vomit and Neji’s fall from the sky I will never recover

Naruto’s heart eyes @ Gaara: SAME X2

I guess even Gaara is vulnerable to his Fifteen Year Old Boy Pride

“He was with me earlier but he ditched me” Orochimaru sounds like Sasuke’s bitter girlfriend

REVERSE SNAKE DIGESTION AND OROCHIMARU’S GIGGLE I HAVE NO WORDS

ITACHI PLEASE why would you be so highkey about protecting your brother literally his forehead said “Itachi” I’m livid and yet I’m also living 

Gaara the Hidden Leaf is burning to the ground what kinda priorities 

Filler Sakura is much more into Naruto than Canon Tragic Trashbag-Loving Sakura

I never thought I’d be eager to get back to tragedy and yet here we are

“That Sasuke... he’s bright” Sasuke gets the dad approval and Itachi gave Naruto the older brother approval so I’m not saying you’re supposed to get married but that’s exactly what I’m saying  

Well that’s gross Obito

“Time for my Raijin Flash Super Circle Dance Howl Stage 3″ WHO LETS MINATO NAME THINGS

QUIT TRYING TO SEVER THE PAST SASUKE ALL TEAM 7 WANTS TO DO IS LOVE YOU

“He’s just like a snake” Well this is a perfect time for Sasuke Uchiha, Snake Expert

Yikes @ Minato watching Obito being swallowed by his flesh prison

For about ten seconds I was rooting for Obito to live for Minato and Kakashi’s sake but surprise surprise he continues to be the wooooOooOrst

Every time Sasuke wraps Naruto protectively in his Susano my heart swells three sizes 

“Here, you can have this back” bless you Tobirama

Temari is so supportive she is Team Shikamaru all the way

“Smiling? Both of them?” Sakura is shocked to hear Sasuke remembers how to smile

Tobirama is increasingly embarrassed by the Namikaze clan nerds

Minato is taking the blame onto himself for all that became of his comrades just as Kakashi does, like sensei like student

KURAMA GIVING MINATO INSPIRATIONAL SPEECHES FROM WITHIN IS MY AESTHETIC

Tomorrow is Naruto’s birthday and also his parents’ deathday what a yikes life

Minato has saved everyone in the world even after his own death my Namikaze boys I love them so much

“What kind of child-rearing led to this?” Kakashi and Iruka’s lmao

This outro is literally Naruto and Sasuke running to each other on a beach at sunset bless this homoerotic animation studio

“I know you’re not an idiot” do u know that Tobirama 

The real question is who is worse at dealing with emotional intimacy Sasuke or Kurama

Are you honestly still bitter about Naruto’s success Sasuke come on dude learn to adjust

381 Episodes into the series and the Sage of Six Paths gets a name 

At this point there are going to be like 100 Shinobi left in the whole world

Shikamaru doesn’t deserve this 

Can I just say I’m glad Kakashi is in the intro? Because it gives me hope that he will not be Tenzo’d in this arc

“He seems to be in a foul mood” when is Sasuke not in a foul mood

IS EVERYONE ON THE BATTLEFIELD GOING TO EXPERIENCE NARUTO’S LOVE FOR SASUKE I’M SCREAMING

This is a pretty shitty way for Hiruzen to find out his son died

Everyone is pissed off and inspired by all the pain that Naruto has been through

Current list of Sasuke’s titles: Bitch, snake expert and Smart Boi

Fhfkgjhsjghsdkjgh Hashirama is the most beautiful person dead or alive:

Tobirama: We’ll assign the Tailed Beasts based on power balance but you’re required to pay

Hashirama: [whispers loudly] They’re not free?

Tobirama: Shut it!

“A Shinobi’s Dream” is 10/10, inspirational and beautiful episode I love it

“There’s no one more qualified than me to be Naruto’s advisor” I mean that was very poetic Shikamaru but Kakashi is at least equally adept if not more so

KAKASHI JUST SUTURED HIS OWN STAB WOUND THIS MAN IS TRULY MY DREAM

Hiruzen bossing Orochimaru around makes me happy in a weird way

My girl Sakura protecting the whole Shinobi world with her sensei 

KAKASHI COME SAVE YOUR CHILDREN THIS IS YOUR BAT SIGNAL

Sasuke keeps encouraging Naruto to keep fighting and coming back to his side it’s adorable

Kakashi’s babies are back together and he’s getting the live feed god bless

Obito’s dream of just being a ninja in the Leaf was very depressing

This must be Kakashi and Minato’s dream I’ve never seen so much teamwork at once

Kakashi and Obito with Team 7 vkcjbhkjvhbjk oh my goodness my feelings

Tiny heartthrob Kakashi is adorable and I love him

So the reason Kakashi got placed on Team Minato is because he couldn’t play well with others oh my rude little boy

Obito’s struggles being late to everything are #relatable

This is so funny though because when Kakashi’s babies went to the Chunin exam he literally brought Sasuke in like hours late

“A guy’s gotta have a scar or two get some cred” but how many scars must Kakashi’s heart endure Obito

Lmao @ Tsunade calling “hold” for Team Minato to deal with their Emotional Issues

In all fairness to Kakashi, Minato, he did his fair share of lecturing before you arrived

What is it with these boys and sitting atop each other for minutes at a time while reliving their memories together

“I’ve thought that this world is hell too” Minato gets to hear about the burden Kakashi has been carrying for twenty years

“So that’s where Madara is” you’d think the giant wooden dragon would also be a give-away

I’m very concerned about Gaara but I’m proud of him for making peace with Shukaku

I don't know if Hinata's voice actor changed or if she forgot how to do young Hinata or if I forgot how she sounds but something seems odd

My boy Neji!!! I miss him so much

Why are the Hyuga like this I need reformation #JusticeForNeji

Hanabi discovers that her sister is a peeping tom at the age of 5

The fact that sunset on the beach ending is accompanied by the lyrics “I shouldn't love you, no, no, no” as Naruto and Sasuke meet this is truly the Gay Agenda

So many Naruto episodes are just retelling Part 1 events through different perspectives lmao 

Hanabi WHY ARE YOU HAVING A FLASHBACK ABOUT SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED TEN SECONDS AGO

I have so many feelings about Neji and Hinata like he is her Excessively Pretentious Older Brother why is his life so sad!!!! Revive him and let him uncle her babies 

“I want to choose my own path without being influenced by anyone else” all of your memories are about how Hinata was being influenced by Naruto Hanabi but I understand your sentiment 

I know this is supposed to be a recounting of a very serious moment but I can't stop laughing about Kakashi's five hour straddle of Obito like sensei like student

“You just lie there, okay?” Kakashi is so gentle with the friend he was just trying to murder  

“What's that?” Hashirama should really be more fazed about being a face titty on his bff

Black Zetsu is such a dick Kakashi and Minato don't deserve this 

Madara: Family reunion?

Sasuke: How about I kill you instead

Madara: Why does everyone I invite keep saying this 

Real talk how does Madara even know what Sasuke's eyes look like if he HAS NO EYES CURRENTLY

This episode is called "The Hidden Heart" and I hope it's a joke about Madara's heart being hidden under his Hashirama face titty

In a way the Tailed Beasts are all like bickering siblings

Nothing livens up a party like auto-cannibalism

Kakashi, three seconds after declaring possible victory: I failed

Gaara and Shukaku's friendship means the world to me we've come so far my tiny murder child

FLY SAND BOY FLY LIKE THE WIND

Hashirama, after witnessing Madara kill literally thousands of people: Madara is fundamentally kind

Tobirama is already pinned down Madara now you're just being mean

“To be honest, I've been wanting to do this to you for a very long time now” Kinkshame Madara Uchiha

Tenzo's jutsu is strong enough to hold off the five Kage and I'm very emo about it

“He's using wood style... who is he?” I WONDER WHO IT COULD BE OF THE THE TWO WOOD STYLE USERS TO EVER EXIST IN THE UNIVERSE ONE OF WHOM IS DEAD

“I asked you what does it feel like to poo” Swirly still asking the tough questions over 17 years later

God bless Sakura shouting words of encouragement as she heals Naruto

Naruto and Sasuke vowed to die together and they are so hardcore committed both of their hearts stopped at the same time

#ayesha liveblogs nahruto shipduden #ayesha talks anime #liveblogging

[succubused]

wow uh

i read comp het stuff like the thing i just reblogged and i was like huh this whole time i just thought i had intimacy issues. but i also kind of just don’t want anyone to touch me lmao. but still i used to think i was a closer-to-hetero bisexual and now i think i was just telling myself that out of ~internalized homophobia~ like i thought i fuckin knew what my deal was and these days i just don’t

i dont know and im kinda scared and i know i shouldn’t be scared bc theres nothing to be scared of but im scared

and i honestly think its more that im coming to terms with that side of me in a way that i wasn’t able to before because i definitely.............am into men too but i also am now doubting literally everything bc its very hard for me to tell if i actually have feelings for someone or am just fixating really hard on them

i’m just a very all or nothing kind of person so it’s difficult to separate things

anyway im deleting all my emotions and never dating anyone thats the solution thanks!

#i deleted half of this bc i m in a mood so none of it will make sense!!! #im rambling because i dont know what the Fuck my deal is!!!!!!!!!!

[nothingneverforever]

Remember Me (2010)

Hmm

It would be accurate to say that I hated this almost wholeheartedly until the last and extremely rushed act when there was some actual, on-screen emotion that didn’t leave implied connections to be made by the viewer, but then this emotion was still very thin anyway and hinged totally on the viewer’s own associative understanding of the 9/11 attacks and less so on loss in general, so perhaps it is better to simply say that I hated this, period.

I remember avoiding this back when it was first released (on DVD at least, I didn’t go to the cinemas for anything besides crap back in 2010. Not that this film isn’t crap….cos it is) for some reason, I think maybe it was rated M18 or something and strangely for an early teen I did usually dutifully avoid such rated films because I didn’t (and still don’t) like explicit scariness or sexualness in any form. And then later on when I had lost interest in the genre (drama/romance?) but gained interest in Robert Pattinson, I still avoided this because it looked dumb. Anyway, we’ve made it here today and I sit eating my nice lentil dinner having just finished the film. So let’s go !

Okay firstly… I am not surprised at all at its 27% rotten tomatoes rating lol

Maybe it’s personal to me, but I really hate playfighting couples. I talked about it <<here>> briefly, exactly 2 years ago in my Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004) review:

This scene, of Clementine and Joel play-fighting got me rather angry. I hate hate hate it when couples, people, do dangerous shit for fun.

^Lmao, rather angry wtf? The writing sucks lol hate it…… But this still stands; in Remember Me the playfighting is not ‘dangerous’ as it was in Eternal Sunshine, but equally successful in making me rather angry in its annoying grossness. Is it unfair for me to find it childish?! Like the fuck??? Where’s the fun in getting each other wet and forcing each other into submission in the shower?! And as complained about to Jade, self-aware, intertextual, referential, whatever the term for it is, scenes, dialogues, films, are as annoying as ones done in earnest.

Okay this playfighting scene was a one off, but it is absolutely extrapolate-able and gives insight to why Ally’s character was so phony and wobbly. Ally ultimately stands for nothing, all her quirks don’t create a whole, and as a result we can anticipate nothing from her nor can we actually feel for her at all. That I have dessert before the main scene was shockingly out of place because its manic pixie dream girl brazenness and eccentricity don’t present itself anywhere else. Full transcript of her dumbass dialogue (re: why she has dessert before the main. Substituting their names with Girl/Guy cos that’s literally all they are, their chemistry is so absent and their connection so fucking blah that they are any and every guy/girl ever):

GIRL: I just don't see the point in waiting. What if l die eating my vindaloo?

GUY: Is that probable?

GIRL: It's possible. Embolism bursts, asteroid hits the restaurant. I'd die without having eaten the one thing l wanted most.

GUY: l mean, the odds are...

GIRL: Tell you what. Guarantee me, swear to me on your eternal soul that l make it through my entre, and I'll wait. Before you answer, if l die, you're gonna have to live the rest of your life knowing not only did you lie to me, but you denied me of my one last indulgence. My last wish. Are you prepared to shoulder that kind of responsibility to prove a point?

If you feel like that second bit (swear to me on your eternal soul etc etc ad nauseam) went on for far longer than its logical reach, you’re right, and you’re lucky you didn’t have to sit through it. “Are you prepared to shoulder that kind of responsibility to prove a point?” - eh, i don’t remember anyone but you having a dumbass point you were desperate to prove, unprovoked?? I don’t know, I don’t think this is specific to the film’s storytelling or scriptwriting, I just generally am averse to such people in real life (same with the playfighting issue I guess). Like Jade said when I complained about this scene to her, it reminded of her Zoe Kazan’s character in What If? (2013) which we barely emerged from alive. Fuck that film lol seriously. Sorry I made yall sit through it… But Daniel Rafcliffe is so nice :’( Okay but how should I best describe these increasingly commonplace female characters? Manic pixie dream girl doesn’t suffice anymore (lmao I googled MPDG just so I could get ideas of other prototypes and wiki lists Belle from the 1991 Beauty and the Beast as one?!), and I feel that they do belong to a specific type. Just reading the dialogue above, don’t a handful of other annoyingass “””not like other girls””” girls from film come to mind? I don’t know, does ‘fake-witty’ cover enough ground? Like Jade says, why do people even enjoy these characters? Just because they are different from what is commonly shown doesn’t make them more endearing or likable or even remotely realistic surely?

In general, MPDGs are dangerous because their blinded male lovers don’t seem them in any real measure, more as designs of their own, existing to imbue their own lives with all they are missing. But in Remember Me, we don’t even get to see how Guy sees Girl, much less see her for our own selves. Guy and Girl barely share a meaningful eyeline, I can’t recall a single intimate or perfectly honest conversation, which leads me to……

UGH I’m tired of big screen romances having their highs shown almost exclusively through physical intimacy, because this message is completely toxic, and this is not just me spreading my asexual agenda honestly? Seriously, how much of a copout is it for the connection to be, you know, ambling on just fine, nothing special or sparkly, until that one kiss or that one morning-after with a camera pan of the girl’s bare back kissed with soft dusty morning sunlight and the guy looking at her from the window with some kind of stupidass serious contemplation? Can we not be led to believe that this is how connections are formed, that you know someone when you know their body? It’s like that song, Suzanne by Leonard Cohen , that Leila used to play over and over when we sat alone at the pagoda every Tuesday, an hour early for our organic farming sessions, which I now love because it reminds me of those nice sunny times and nice sunny Leila who I loved so much, but bleghhh this line plz stop: And you know that she will trust you/For you've touched her perfect body with your mind.

I know, it’s obvious, Guy and Girl here are each other’s safe places in a world where so much is messy and dark for them, etc etc etc, but we don’t get a sense of the warmth at all, we don’t see how much they love/need/appreciate each other or why.

Conclusion: I do not ship Guy and Girl because there was literally nothing to go off on and therefore the entire emotional premise cannot stand and we cannot love anyone or anything we see on screen.

Moving on~

Okay it’s unfair to compare the two just because of the 9/11 relevance, but seeing this reminded me of When God Was a Rabbit by Sarah Winman that I read in 2011. It remains one of my all-time favourite books, and I remember liking it so much I lent it to Rebecca, and then later Nichole, and Krysia, and maybe some others. Lol cute memories, being in school, with girls, nice girls, wearing a uniform, sitting outside the class on the steps by the grass patch…2011 was chill as hell. ANYWAY the book changed my life and I remember sobbing in my bed when I first read it, because 9/11 being woven into the storyline felt authentic and necessary and actually helpful to our understanding of its characters – what little I’ve read of the critiques of Remember Me from Rotten Tomatoes decry its opportunist, ‘piggybacking’ of the tragedy. I’m sure everything I feel about the cheapness of the 9/11 insertion has already been written about, and my arms /shoulders hurt from my heaviest clean and press sets ever last night, so let me look for something that speaks what is in my heart.

Okie, found something close enough:

I hate this movie. I hate it a lot. And I want to spoil the ending right here but I won't. I want you to go feel the same feeling of being sucker-punched that I anti-enjoyed in the final minutes when THE BIG SURPRISE ENDING takes place. Because it's cheap. And shallow. And manipulative in a way that's not heartwarming or cute or moving. It's just gross and infuriating. It's also pretty easy to predict: a rug-pulling, emotionally pornographic climax of tragedy-kitsch that will come to you early if you're willing to pay attention to small details here and there, things the movie just puts in the background or touches on briefly, creating a timeline and an inevitable outcome that it finally shoves in your face with a big, "TA-DAAAH! TIME TO CRY EVERYONE! DO IT! NOW!"  (source)

Ah this doesn’t fit in anywhere else so here is an important stand-alone comment: fuck the opening of the film! Honestly is it naiveté that I don’t believe something like that would happen? Okay not that it would never, but it’s certainly not probable? Who the fuck shoots the individual, a mother to a young (and present!) girl no less, they successfully rob and are getting away comfortably from? I don’t wanna be this person but………..it seemed damn racist lol

Okay so obviously it’s the cheapest technique in the book but I am a sucker for voiceovers, especially ones that open and/or close films (I’m sure there’s a technical term for this, but whatever). Okay well not all, the dumbass fake deep quotes that the Twilight series open with are, well, dumbass. But the film series still rocks :-) fight me if u disagree :-)  But okay the point is that Remember Me ends with Tyler (whose life we know to have just been taken by the 9/11 attacks) and this stupidly moving voiceover narration:

Whatever you do in life will be insignificant, but it's very important that you do it, because nobody else will. Like when someone comes into your life, and half of you says, "You're nowhere near ready," but the other half says, "Make her yours forever." Michael, Caroline asked me what l would say if I knew you could hear me. I said l do know. "I love you. God, l miss you. And I forgive you."

Sorry but…………..that is just truly so stupidly moving. :’( I need my inspiration spoon-fed with zero subtlety, and this did just that. I will indeed do all I want to in life! Nobody else will! I’m gonna make her mine forever! And I truly miss and love everyone who has ever been in my life!

Since we’re on the positives now let me also generously add that there was in fact a lot of potential in the film. Which…naturally….only made it all the more disappointing. But, okay, there was a lot of richness in the subplots. Maybe too much, because it was slightly stifling, how little space they were given. But that’s only realistic right? That one guy and one girl should have at any time a hundred other things going on in their lives that aren’t played out on centre stage. So that’s good, yay. Robert Pattinson’s sister’s narrative especially was quite unique, subtle, engaging, and all in all a nice character to follow. It taught me things about the various ways in which mettle presents itself in different people, and made me want to know how to stand my ground more convincingly. I have a long way to go in denouncing cowardice. Again, I think the voiceovers helped in this respect. Pushes the viewer just enough while holding them back in the right ways, deepening roots while inspiring upward growth. Nice!  

Okay I think I’m done……..gtg eat lunch

No offence but Miley Cyrus’ new song Malibu contains and inspires ten times the emotion that this film did. This being said, I did cry in one of the final shots, of Pierce Brosnan bringing his daughter round (presumably) the Met. Only cos he’s a good actor though. Like everything else in the final act of the film, his character’s growth was very heavy-handed and traditional but he played it well. Also Malibu rocks. Also I need to stop listening to pop music :’( save me!