#ssahopelessly

[ssahopelessly]

Home for Christmas

Synopsis: Spencer gets called away on a case days before Christmas and while he should be working, his only thoughts are those of returning home to be with his wife and daughter.

Prompt: “After an awful case, the team comes back on Christmas Eve to find that Penelope has gathered their loved ones and quickly decorated the BAU as a surprise.” From the Office Party challenge {but I left out the party and decorating of the BAU office}

Warnings: Married Spencer x WifeReader, Fem!Reader, daughter named Autumn, brief discussions of case [let me know any I missed]

Word Count: 2.6k

Masterist

It was his worst nightmare come true. Well, maybe not his worst, that was one he hoped would stay tucked into the recesses of his mind for all of time. But this definitely made the list, without a doubt. Several years ago, it would’ve been an inconceivable one, but now, knowing what was waiting for him at home, this was the absolute worst.

“Are you going to be home for Christmas?” Her voice rang through the line as clear as a silver bell.

“I don’t know. I hope so. But…” Spencer allowed himself to fall back onto the bed he had been sitting on, trying to imagine he was home for this holiday. In his mind, he could see it as clear as he did when he left their home two days ago, the Christmas tree they had spent an afternoon decorating, the garland lining the stairwell that had been entwined with warm white Christmas lights, how the whole house smelled just like a Christmas tree farm and some cinnamon.

Spencer hoped that if the fates had any sway and any favors they could pull for him, maybe this would be the one. “But?” She had caught onto the sentence he didn’t finish, his mind lost in remembering.

“Well we haven't had any victims in the last three days and what we have isn’t conclusive enough or worse, it’s just not enough.”

“Oh.” He was staring at the hotel ceiling above him, getting visually lost in the scalloped pattern of what was above that he missed the defeated look on her digital face.

“And I don't want to wish for another victim, not a few days out from Christmas, but if we don’t get enough evidence we’ll have to close the case and go home.”

“Would you be here for Christmas?” The voice she used was relatively small, knowing at its core, it was a selfish desire: to have Spencer home for Christmas when people in another town needed him to stop the unsub. But there were only so many childhood Christmases for their daughter, and there was nothing more important in their lives than her.

“I mean maybe, but we would just have to come back out when the next victim shows up and I don’t want to leave if he’s still out there.”

“Is it possible he’s tied up in holiday festivities?” On her end of the call, she was moving about the kitchen, preparing a late night cup of hot cocoa as she listened to him, knowing she was sharing his attention with the details of the case.

“I mean maybe but…” His voice trailed off again as he slowly sat up, his memory deep diving into the facts of the evidence board and how that situation had never been entertained, how they had never considered with the holidays their unsub might be busy with festivities.

“Spencer?” She called to him, making sure he was still there or that the call hadn’t dropped.

“What if he’s tied up in holiday events and- I gotta go.” Pushing himself off the hotel bed, he ran towards his satchel, forgetting his phone on the sheets. With a view of the ceiling, she called for him one more time.

“Spencer?”

“Yes?” Crossing back over, he looked down to his phone so she could see him one more time for the evening, a smile forming on her lips as she knew they might’ve just had the breakthrough he needed. Whether he would get home in time for the holidays was one thing, whether he would save a town from future torment was another matter entirely, something she knew he was perfectly capable of.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” Her words had given him the hope he needed, that electric spark of an idea that could carry him through the next few hours of re-evaluating the case enough to feel like he might actually be able to go home. “I’ll be home for Christmas. Promise.” Even through the phone screen, he could see the tears that had built along the bottom of her eyes, the smile she tried to show just for him, and he hoped against everything, that her beautiful and brilliant mind had given him the breakthrough the case so desperately needed.

-

“What?” Penelope yawned over the speakerphone, stumbling into her office that morning with Spencer five cups of coffee deep into his complete reanalysis of a case everyone was nearly ready to close, unsub known or not.

“We need to look at individuals who would be tied up with holiday festivities right now. Craftsman working on the local parade or theatre performances, someone who would have access to the tools and skillset but have virtually zero free time right now due to holiday obligations.”

“Spencer, it is six in the morning there, did you sleep? At all?”

“I got four hours before midnight and I can sleep on the jet.” He rattled off in a half breath as he added new notes to the map on the evidence board. “Okay, how many of the churches are hosting or have already hosted Christmas events this month through New Years?”

“Uhm…” he waited for her numbers, hearing the incessant typing of her keyboard, “Jesus, you’re definitely in the south. Within the city limits, 43.”

“Out of city limits?”

“52.” His attention focused in on the pins where the latest victims had been found compared to where the churches and local theaters were. “Spencer?”

“What about-”

They carried on like that for another hour until finally, they had narrowed it down to one guy. Their unsub had split time between three churches and a local theater, one victim tied to each community and within a few hours, they had their warrant and had arrested him before he could even wake himself up that morning. He was pulled into questioning which unfortunately did take all day, but by the time paperwork was finalized and evidence collected by evening the next day, they were on their way home to spend Christmas Eve night with their families.

The jet ride back that night was nothing remarkable, everyone choosing to sleep or keep to themselves this trip. And he was right. Spencer Reid did sleep on the jet the whole way back to Quantico. But the warmth he found in his sleep on the jet would soon vanish as the cool Virginia air greeted him with a vengeance that night, just as the team shuffled from the jet to the SUVs. The ride back to the office was quiet, but no one could continue their naps from the jet. All anyone could do was think about the families waiting for them back home, families waiting to start the holiday festivities.

“Look.” JJ had whispered to Reid at one point in the drive, her hand extending her phone to him in the backseat from her spot in the passenger seat. “Will and I agreed the boys should open one present tonight.” The video, once Spencer held the phone in his hands, was of Henry helping baby Michael open a box that sat on the floor between the two. He didn’t quite catch the content of the present with the shaky filming and glitching pixels, but he smiled over his godsons nonetheless.

“Wow.” Spencer let himself marvel aloud as he passed the phone back to JJ, trying to fight the yawn that was lingering at the back of his mouth. “Are they waiting up for you?”

“Henry is but Michael fell asleep early tonight. Will said they’d watch Elf and the Grinch until I get home though.”

“That’s not going to delay Santa Clause?” The look in his eye was one of knowing, a near twinkle of mischief.

“As long as milk and cookies are out, Santa will be fine.” Spencer could see the fond smile on JJ’s face in the light from her phone screen before she put it away in her pocket, looking back to him then. “What about your house? Do you think they’ll be awake when you get home?” Spencer tried not to think too hard on the possibility. He knew the schedules, he knew the odds, but part of him hoped he would get what was left of Christmas Eve with them, even if it just meant a five minute bed time story with Autumn and then one mistletoe kiss with his wife before they both passed out for the night.

“I hope they’re awake. But it’s late anyway so they’re probably asleep.” He felt how the possible reality affected him, but he hoped against everything he would get to see them just once before Christmas morning.

-

Normally when they got back to the office building, they were dismissed until the next business day. And he thought Hotch would especially excuse them as they both had kids at home. But something wasn’t right. As they piled out of the vehicles, Hotch required everyone to return to the 6th floor. He wouldn’t say why, and if anyone had a chance to ask, all they were told was “some paperwork cant wait for the next day.”

Spencer was the first one off the elevator, noticing how the time clock over the bullpen read the time to him, almost mocking him. 10:43. He did take a moment to glare at the ticking thing, setting his satchel down into his computer chair as he rubbed at his eyes. They opened to notice one thing was different, one thing that didnt sit right in his mind. He couldve sworn the roundtable room blinds were always open, never closed unless there was an important meeting. And he could've also sworn the picture frame on his desk with their family Christmas photo had been on the right of the computer, not centered along the right side. “Hey, H-“ He couldn’t finish calling to his boss, a commotion behind him taking his attention.

“DADDY!” His head spun trying to find her voice, knowing it anywhere. The one voice that could get him to shed his FBI exterior and leave his heart open. Turning around, he saw the blur of her hair and holiday dress as she ran down the steps to him, his body immediately bending down to scoop her up. “Daddy you’re back!” Her voice cheered into his shoulder as he pressed a kiss to the side of her head, spinning them around for effect. She giggled profusely as he looked back to the roundtable room, now seeing (Y/N) waiting just outside the door, hand over her heart as the scene unfolded. He motioned for her to come join them, quick to notice how she wiped away tears as she rushed to be with them by his desk. Holding tighter to Autumn, he pulled his wife in for a hug, also placing a kiss to her hair before deeply inhaling, renewing his memory of her scent.

“You’re here.” He breathed out in a whisper, squeezing her body to his.

“Penelope called. She wanted you to have your family for the holidays.” Looking once more to the roundtable room, he saw Penelope as she stood along the railing, a gentle wave to Spencer as he held his girls in his arms.

He mouthed a thank you to her before pressing another kiss to (Y/N)’s head, Autumn resting her head against his.

“Daddy?”

“Yes sugar plum?”

“Can we go home now? We’re going to miss Santa.” They both laughed as they hugged her closer in their little family huddle, evermore appreciative that they got one more Christmas as a family.

-

The drive home was exceptionally quiet, Autumn running out of energy before they even left headquarters. Spencer’s hand didn’t let go of (Y/N), thumb rubbing slow circles into the top of her hand as he watched her driving. “I love you.” He mumbled, in such a tired daze from the last few days.

“I know.” Squeezing his hand, she spared a look at him at the red light, no other cars at the intersection. “I love you Spencer.” Just as the light turned green, she noticed how his eyes fluttered to a close, the smile still present on his lips. “Seriously?”

“I’m just so happy.” He hummed, opening his tired eyes to look at her in the passing street light.

“Yeah, and you can’t fall asleep right now because you’re carrying her inside. I can’t carry both of you into the house.”

And he did just that. When she parked their car in the parking lot, Spencer was quick to get out to open (Y/N)’s door and then gently opened the door where Autumn’s seat was, careful not to wake her. While he carried her into the building, (Y/N) made sure to get all the doors in their way, hoping Autumn would stay asleep from the car to her bed. As soon as she hit the matress, her hands did reach up for Spencer as he gently removed himself from her hold, but he quickly reached for the custom teddy bear they had gifted her for when he was away on a case, and she snuggled up to it like it was good enough. Holding (Y/N)’s hand, they both tried to commit to memory the serenity and peace of their daughters room before closing it for the night, quietly walking towards their room now. “What time do you think Santa will come?” She asked as she took off her evening clothes to get into her pajamas, sitting on the bench at the foot of their bed as she waited for Spencer to finish getting ready.

“I was thinking maybe 3:00, maybe 4:00?” She didn’t shy away from letting out a groan as she came up behind him to hug his back, only having successfully put on his pajama pants for the night.

“Maybe 5:00.”

“Do you think she’ll get up and check?” His hands came to rest over hers, holding them close to his stomach.

“No, she didn’t get her afternoon nap so she’s extra tired tonight.” She placed a kiss to the back of his shoulder blade, and he tried his best not to melt into her touch.

“I missed you.”

“Missed you more.” She mumbled out before Spencer turned around in her hold, bringing his arms around her as she settled against his chest.

It was such a simple thing, to be in each other's arms, but it was the one thing they both craved when they were apart. It was the one thing in their relationship that hadn’t changed, the need for physical touch but only from each other. Like many times before, Spencer’s mind seemed to stall with the concept of time, unable to differentiate the seconds from minutes in her arms, resting his cheek against her head. “Let’s go to bed.” One more kiss was pressed to her hair before she let go of him, turning to climb into their bed.

As they made their way under the covers, Spencer moving to lay behind her, his arm slipped over her waist, her back to his chest, and it was then he lost the strength to hold back the lingering thoughts in his mind. “I thought I wouldn’t get tonight with you.”

“You did. It’s our own Christmas miracle.”

“You’re my miracle.” He pressed a kiss to her shoulder, lips lingering over the surface. “My dream I never have to wake from.”

“You, Dr. Reid, are exceptionally cheesy.” A laugh had burst from her lips but he didn’t even flinch or pull away from her. Her laughter settled back into the quiet of their room, eyelids starting to grow heavy as she felt her heartbeat synchronize to his breathing behind her. “Santa’s at 5:00?” The response he offered was just a small hum of acknowledgment, squeezing her body tighter to his before they both surrendered to the attractive lure, falling into a blissful sleep (if only for a few hours).

~

Tell me what you think here!

#spencer reid #criminal minds #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fandom #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #oneshot #christmas #ssahopelessly #spencer x reader #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fluff

[imagining-in-the-margins]

CM Office Party Fics 🎉

Hey everyone! Thank you so much to everyone who participated. I am so happy to share everyone’s hard work. If you have a oneshot or masterlist you’d like me to add, please send me a message - new additions are always welcome.

SFW Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader

Inexperienced by me: Virgin!Reader has a secret no one expected, least of all Spencer. She’s a virgin… in every way.

Dancing with the Doctor by @smalltownbeautyqueen: After hearing the BAU's prom stories, Garcia decides to throw her own BAU prom.

Gift Exchange by @ssahopelessly: It’s time for the Secret Santa gift exchange at the BAU.

Secret Santa by @c-m-stuff: Reader and Spencer are together for Secret Santa.

Better for You by @incognit0slut: Spencer spends the change of year with a new resolution as he starts looking at his rival differently.

Clue by @pathologicalreid: A fic in which Penelope hosts a NYE party with a murder mystery theme.

Mistletoe's for Two by @andiebeaword: At the annual Christmas party, Spencer gets caught under the mistletoe by the woman he didn’t want to kiss.

More ratings and pairings below!

NSFW (18+) Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader

Prom Night by @foxy-eva: After everyone shared their sad (or non-existent) prom stories, Penelope decided to host a BAU Prom, giving Spencer the perfect excuse to finally ask out Reader.

Funhouse Mirror by me: SSA Reader promised Spencer he’d be surprised by her costume of the Doctor for the Halloween Party. He definitely was.

Kiss ’n Tell by me: Reader gets drunk on a night out with the girls and accidentally mimics her boyfriend’s habit of oversharing.

Unhappy Holidays by @reiderwriter: Reader runs into Spencer at holiday celebrations four years in a row, including this NYE.

Always Bet on Black by @reidmotif: Reader realizes she has an advantage at the Bureau's Casino Night, when Spencer can't seem to take his eyes off her and her dress.

Never Have I Ever by me: After a case involving kink culture, Spencer is assigned to judge the girls’ game of Never Have I Ever. Later, him and Reader compare scores.

Other/Fem!Reader (SFW)

Somewhere I Belong by @0and0its0doctor0: (Hotch) Hotch has a little liquid courage and breaks the rules.

When Snorter Does the Unexpected by @alluring-andrayav: (Derek) It's Derek's birthday, and he receives an unexpected gift.

Other Pairings & Gen Fic (SFW)

All is Bright by @masterwords: (Hotchgan) After a long series of failed dates, Hotch and Morgan finally come to their senses thanks to some well-placed mistletoe.

Talk of the Town by @/masterwords: (Hotchgan) Hotch has an invite to a Christmas party at the White House and he's asking Derek to be his plus one.

October by @gaelic-symphony: (Temily) The couple spends Halloween together.

November by @/gaelic-symphony: (Temily) The couple spends Thanksgiving together.

So Just Keep Kissing Me Under the Mistletoe [AO3] by @starzzyeyed : (Hotchreid) Spencer's dreading the BAU's christmas party for many reasons; not least because it means spending time off duty with his boss.

Happy Hotch Day by @codename-mom: (Platonic) Penelope wants to cheer her boss up as he still suffers from what Foyet did to him. The team prepares a surprise for him.

It's a Piece of Cake by @/codename-mom: (Platonic) Jack is turning six and Penelope wants to do something for the occasion.

The Sweater Case by @/codename-mom: (Platonic) The FBI organizes a gala with all the agency directors in the country. Hotch doesn't want to go.

Happy Reading!

#spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction #criminal minds #spencer reid smut #criminal minds smut #criminal minds challenge #criminal minds women #criminal minds fanfic #temily #hotchgan #hotchreid #heid #criminal minds gen fic #gen fic #cm writing challenge #fanfic rec #fic recs

[girl-next-door-writes]

October Reblog Draw

As part of my reblog draw this month I will be doing a weekly mini-draw!!!!

So...

@anonymoussherlockandmarvelgeek @caswinchester2000 @damalseer @dunkle-mondseite @eddiemunsonwhore67 @ivorydragoness44 @kjs-s @luvkokes @nakamatomikasa @nerdyjediartist44 @savvy-devine666 @sergio-is-the-loml @soupofmushrooms @spnfangirl1990 @ssahopelessly @superforgottensoul @sweetjedi @tree-but-unhinged @vintagevalentinex @witchygagirl

Onto the wheel you go.

#October Reblog Mini Draw

[ssahopelessly]

Gift Exchange

Synopsis: It’s the holidays at the BAU and that only means one thing - Secret Santa gift exchange.

Prompt: “Character only wanted to reveal that they are someone's Secret Santa at the BAU Christmas Party but they end up confessing a lot more than that.” from @imagining-in-the-margins Office Party challenge. {A.N. I did not see this prompt until AFTER I wrote this but close enough.}

Warnings: Spencer Reid x fem!reader, work-place crush, Secret Santa, Spencer is dumb and scared of his own feelings. It’s basic fluff. [let me know any I missed]

Word Count: 4.5k

Masterist

You had only been at the BAU for a few months when suddenly it was the end of November. Thankfully, there hadn’t been a case, so you were able to slip away for an extended weekend to relax and renew before the workload of the final month of the year. Derek had taken you under his wing in a way, and upon your December return, warned you that normally December was the unpredictable predictable month. “What does that even mean?” You had asked while walking into the roundtable room one Monday morning.

“Kid, the period between Thanksgiving and Christmas is notoriously crime ridden. People lose their minds between financial stress and familial stress, and- look, all I’m saying is don’t make any solid plans for the month of December.” With Derek sitting two seats to Spencer's left, you squeezed yourself into the space between them, careful not to bother Spencer’s personal space as you brought yourself closer to the edge of the table.

“What about New Years?” You had tried to ask him, running the potential for an end of the year getaway in your head.

“Actually,” It was natural Spencer cut in, never able to miss a chance to share the information he knew, “the month of December mostly sees crimes revolving around material and monetary gain, crimes like theft and larceny increasing by 20% according to the National Crime Victimization Survey. The summer is when studies show the most violent and heinous crimes occur, specifically on the hotter days.” Derek rolled his eyes, beginning to flip through the small collected pile of paperwork he had carried into the room with him.

“Good morning Spencer.” You chose to greet him, already feeling the easy joy that came from being in his presence.

“Good morning.” It was an effort to not notice the way his voice shrunk back in on itself as your knee accidentally bumped him under the table, not quite catching the side glance Derek was giving you both either.

Unbeknownst to you, there was a running pool in the office. Just a small wager of $50, Derek had bet Emily that Spencer wouldn’t make a move before the New Year. Emily, ever confident in Spencer, insisted Spencer would make some gesture if the proper environment had presented itself. They were both coming up empty handed against the running clock as it had been a few months and neither you nor Spencer seemed to want to push anything further than coworkers, maybe friends.

What they had somehow missed though, were the small lunch runs you two would do for the team, or the few times Spencer had lended you his coat in the colder states, or the way he stayed late in the office with you to help with paperwork. They had missed the moments alone with Spencer that had meant everything to you. Well everything, if having a crush on your coworker wasn’t completely unprofessional and if you also weren’t always surrounded by the people who should be able to read that truth out of you.

The rest of the team had filed in, Penelope the last one to enter, just behind Emily and JJ though. “Okay my lovelies, before I present your next adventure, a small side quest!” Penelope put her things down on the table before picking up a small gift bag, rattling its contents around to your confusion. She clocked it before you could say anything and motioning her hand underneath the bag, motioned to everyone around the table. “Secret Santa!” There was a small groan through the room that was then met with a stern glare from Penelope herself before she returned to presenting the festivity. “I’ll pass the bag around so you all can draw your people. The gift limit is $25 so, no pressure.” She passed the bag to Aaron who, without much ceremony, pulled his drawing out and quickly read it as he passed the bag to Derek. Derek however, closed the bag at its opening and shook the contents before drawing his pick, trying to keep any emotions from his face as he passed it to you.

“What happens if we draw ourselves?” You asked as your hand slipped into the bag and felt around the slips of paper.

“Then put it back, draw again.” Penelope offered as she watched you try to make your drawing. And you tried not to think too much about how you wanted to draw Spencer’s name. Surely if you had asked, he could give you the odds of that right now. But also, the longer you took, the more attention you were drawing to yourself and it was just a work gift exchange anyway, you could always find another time to give him a gift later. Your fingertips graced over one slip for the final time and pinching it between, you drew it out of the bag. Leaning back in the chair you opened it to see one name singularly scribbled in her favourite glitter gel pen: Penelope.

“Not me!” You cheered with minimal enthusiasm, passing the bag to Spencer. There was a slight tremble to your hand when your touch graced his, but you tried to ignore it as you slipped your pick into your work folder, trying to push the small let down from your mind.

“Can I request no home made gifts this year?” Rossi had asked from his spot across from Aaron, leaned back in his chair as the bag continued around the table.

“Are you talking about the homemade socks I got you last year?” Penelope whispered out, small upset hanging off her jutted bottom lip.

“The socks I helped her make last year?” Spencer chimed in with reflected upset. Dave looked like he regretted his request but persisted.

“Kids, look, I love the thought and effort that went into them but they’re not really my style. They were ithcy and- not all of us can show up to crime scene with silly socks and be taken seriously.” Spencer smiled and shrugged at the allusion to his fashion sense. Eventually the bag made it around the table and Penelope delivered her case, with Hotch giving the room the standard wheels up in 30 order, everyone quickly dispersing to collect their things for this new case.

As everyone made their way out of the room, you tried to linger in an attempt to talk to Spencer. “Who’d you get?” You asked when it was just you two in the room, keeping your voice low so only he could hear.

“What?” He hadn’t given you his full attention, mind focused on getting his things into his satchel precisely how he wanted them, a task you had seen a few times before.

“For Secret Santa?”

“Oh. I- I can’t tell you that.” His attention still didn’t fall to you as he closed his bag and started making his way down the few stairs to his desk. You stayed hot on his heels, wanting to discuss secrets like you were a kid again. But he still didn’t pay you any attention, making himself busy with the things on his desk, moving what he could to the drawers as if that would help the clutter that always lingered on the surface. .

Purposefully putting yourself in his way, you took a seat in his desk chair, offering your best pleading eyes as you looked up at him, “Please?”

“It’s a secret! What if I told you and then you told them?” Spencer finally did look down to you, and for the first time you saw a bit of irritation in the way he was looking at you, but his voice still stayed low in the near whisper you had been maintaining.

“I wouldn’t. You know I wouldn’t.” You tried to reassure him.

“I know but…” You were distracted by the way he bit lip before shaking his head, hair falling from behind his ear. “I can’t. I’m sorry.”

“I’ll tell you who I got.” Was your offered bribe, to level the field of secrets. But Spencer was firm in his decision, shaking his head as he reached for his go-bag. “You’re no fun.” The words seemed to have no effect on him, a small soft smile still pulling at his lips.

“Sorry.” Letting your smile reflect his, you rolled your eyes before going back over to your desk to get ready for the jet, trying not to think about how the anticipation of who got you was going to consume your thoughts.

-

A month had come and gone and five days before Christmas, just as you had returned from what was thankfully a short case, the team managed to hold their little holiday party at Rossi’s. Your gift for Penelope had been something you picked out after a week of consideration and kept put away in a nice gift bag at the back of a drawer that should’ve been full of paperwork.

You weren’t supposed to profile each other, but as the days passed you grew only more curious about who had pulled your name. No one paid you extra attention, no blatant ‘what’s something you want for Christmas’ and in the same way, Spencer never said anything more about Secret Santa or who his pick was. You tried everything to get him to tell you, but he remained firm in his practice of keeping this one thing from you.

It was unanimously decided that Rossi would host the get together like he did all big team events, the team slowly trickling into the house after only having three hours between getting off the jet and agreeing to be there. Once everyone was there, and had their share of snacks from the provided buffet, Penelope gained control of the room like it was the roundtable room all over again. “Okay, this year, whoever has worked in the bureau the longest gets to go first.”

“Oh, wow. Thanks Garcia.” Dave didnt even have to move far, passing a small box to Aaron. You could’ve sworn a “Merry Christmas” was grumbled out, only evidence of so being the smile and laughter that pulled at Aarons mouth as he took the lid off the hand sized box.

“Wow, a gift card to Sutton Suits.” To his credit, Aaron did actually sound excited, which seemed to lighten Rossi for just a minute.

“Tell Oscar I sent you, and he’ll slip a quality cigar into your purchase.”

“Noted.” Their laughter died amongst them as Aaron then passed a red plaid gift wrapped object to Spencer, a sense of wonder settling over the room. Spencer was smiling though, now on the edge of his seat as his fingers slipped along the surface of the gift wrap, looking for a seam.

“You’re my Secret Santa?” He asked in a way that a laugh came out, gently tearing the paper away to reveal another book for Spencer’s collection.

“It’s a compilation of the ranked, most challenging published crossword puzzles from the last 35 years. I thought you’d enjoy.” Aaron explained to both Spencer and the team, your attention captured by Spencer as he pressed his thumb along the edge of the book, flipping through the many crossword puzzles that lined the pages. That one smile you’d grown fond of pulled at the corner of his mouth before he looked back at Aaron, full smile overtaking his face.

“Thank you, Hotch.”

The rest of the exchange went a little something like that. Derek got JJ some gift certificates to a new gym that was opening near her house, and JJ in turn got Derek a bulk bag of door hinges since “you don’t seem to know what those are” but then added he could use them in his house renovations. Penelope got Emily a scrapbook of photos full of Sergio and all the adventures she missed while in WITSEC and Emily got Dave a bottle of whiskey, which he thanked her for getting “the right kind” but then scolded her for spending too much on a gift.

By the time it was your turn, you had realised two things: Spencer hadn’t gone, and no one had given you a gift yet. And you surely hadn’t pulled your name but when you looked over to him, to suggest he go so you could confirm your new forming theory, he wouldn’t look at you. “Has Spencer gone yet?” You asked more so to Penelope, who had essentially made herself the leader of this whole exchange. The puzzled expression of her face held as she looked over to him, a small pout forming on her lips.

“No, no he has not.” The anxiety was creeping up the back of your neck, and just when you thought he had been caught, that you would get your answer, ever the gentleman he was.

“It’s okay, you can go.”

“But you’ve been at the BAU longer.”

“It’s fine. Go.” His voice softly encouraged you from where he sat, next to David’s Christmas tree. Pulling the bag from the side of your chair, you passed the glitter covered gift bag to Penelope, who beamed like she just won the lottery.

“You’re my Secret Santa?” She seemed genuinely excited, weighing the bag in her palm before tearing away at the tissue paper.

“Surprise!” You watched as her jaw fell, hand pulling out the first item. A pink bedazzled stapler, tiny pink rhinestones covering the whole surface.

“Shut up!”

“And there’s pink staples inside, just for you.” Your voice grew quieter as she still seemed ever so thrilled to be opening a present.

She pulled the matching tape dispenser out before finding the pink legal pad and new pink poof pen, one that lit up when the ink was pressed to write. “Where did you find all of this? My dreams?”

“I have my ways.” Putting everything back in the bag, she got up to give you a hug, pulling you tightly into her arms as everyone around you laughed and cheered. Their applause died down when she sat back down, all the attention falling to Spencer.

“Alright lover boy, your turn.” When you watched him then, you could see how nervous he had become, a slight tremble in his hand as he pulled the massive bag from its hiding spot, a bag that stood up to his knee height from the floor.

“You probably figured it out by now.” He whispered to you as he brought the bag closer.

“What’d you get her? Your heart?” Derek remarked from where he sat next to Emily, who was quick to elbow him in the side. Spencer must have registered his words as he had a jerk reaction to it like he briefly choked on something, but he was quick to return to his normal behavior, avoiding your eyes as he returned to his seat. From there though, he seemed more comfortable to make eye contact with you, lips curling in to lick them before trying to find his words again.

“What is it?” You beat him to it, but the smile that had formed on your lips seemed to put him at ease as he reflected it to you.

“Just open it.” Was his simple instruction as he leaned back in his seat, knee bouncing in subtle anticipation. Prying the sealed gift bag open, you were met with a familiar black fabric, though without the pilling that you were almost used to. With both hands you pulled it from the bag on the floor, up into the air to get a better look at it. It was a new black peacoat, your size and everything. Bringing it to your lap, you immediately looked to Spencer who was biting his lip, waiting for your response.

“Thank you!” Were the few words you were able to come up with, the simplicity seeming to make Spencer relax again

“Well come on, try it on for us!” Penelope called from her seat, reminding you that the whole team was watching this gesture in action. Standing, you unfasted the buttons and slipped your arms into the satin lining, already imagining how warm the cold weather cases were going to become.

You tried not to think of the first time Spencer let you borrow his jacket, how it was still warm from his own body heat. How the scents of his cologne and laundry detergent wafted around you like a scarf, forcing you to smell and think of him despite trying to focus on the crime scene you had been visiting that day. How the second and third cold weather case you had again asked for the jacket, but by the fourth and fifth case and so on he had offered it to you, always smiling when you slipped it on. “Borrowing your boyfriends jacket?” Derek had taunted you one day, in earshot of Spencer who failed to fight the blush on his cheeks. It was such a simple thing, but knowing you had your own black peacoat, and that of all people, Spencer, had been the one to get it for you meant everything.

Slipping a hand into a pocket, you felt a piece of paper, small and folded hiding within. Immediately looking back to Spencer, he just offered you a smile and a wink, patting the same spot on his cardigan as if he knew what you were about to say.

“Ooo la la, why have we seen this look on you before?” JJ asked more to the room than you specifically, and again you looked to Spencer, who seemed to be in his own thoughts, a small blush rising to his cheeks.

“Because she always borrows my jacket, I thought she should have one of her own.” There was something in the way he was looking at you, a gentle fondness that you had only ever seen from him a handful of times.

“And all for $25?” Emily added to the questioning. “Where did you get such a deal?”

“Alright, that’s enough.” Aaron tried to spare you both and reign in the team. “That is a nice coat though. Well done.” The blush had stayed on his cheeks and while you slipped the coat off your arms, you made sure to reach for the note before slipping the coat back into the bag.

“Now, we eat!” David cheered over the room, everyone vacating their spots to head towards the kitchen. You lingered in an effort to read the note, opening it in the palm of your hand.

“I need to talk to you.” Scribbled Spencer’s hand writing before signing off on it with a singular S.

“Are you coming?” His voice caught your attention, unaware he was beside you this whole time.

“Spencer, I-“

“Later.” He was quick to cut you off before motioning with an extended hand for you to walk in front of him towards the dining table.

-

After dinner, night started to fall noticeably over the Rossi Mansion. All conversations had lost their focus and everyones laughter was bordering into delirious bouts of nonsense. Before anyone could leave, Dave asked that people either make leftover plates to take home or help clean up the dishes into the kitchen so all he really needed to do was wash them (or load the dishwasher, whichever one happened first).

With everyone winding down and getting ready to say their farewells for the evening, you tried to get Spencer alone for just a second, yet he always seemed to find something to do. It wasn’t like he was avoiding you, he kept looking at you, smiling that same soft smile, but he also made an effort to not be alone in the same room as you. “Everything okay?” Derek had asked as you watched Spencer and Penelope clean up the wrappings and trash of the Secret Santa gift exchange.

“He’s avoiding me.”

“What?”

“He bought me this nice ass jacket and now he’s avoiding me.” You mused aloud, never bothering to actually look at Derek, still watching how Spencer would bend down to reach between the chairs for scraps of torn gift wrap. “Why would he do that?”

“Listen, we are profilers,” Derek started, now also watching Spencer, “but there’s no science for what goes on in his mind.”

“I-” Were you really about to air out your inner thoughts to Derek, surely the one person on the team who would give you advice if not for the cost of also holding those same thoughts over your head later? “I need to talk to him. But he’s…” Your words fell short as you watched Spencer look around the living room, confirming all the trash had been picked up. He started pulling on his sweater before he looked at you, saw Derek, and immediately turned to Penelope and Emily to offer his assistance in loading their cars. “Avoiding me.”

“It’s not you.”

“What?”

“He’s avoiding himself.”

“It’s Spencer. He-” You thought about how forward everything had been. The jacket, the note, the concept of the present itself. How one minute he was confident and charming and the next second he was unsure and slightly distant. “Why would he do that?”

“Say the first part of your sentence again.” A chuckle came from Derek’s lips as you thought it over: It’s Spencer.

“Why would he do that?” You repeated, hoping to maybe get a different answer from him.

Taking too much enjoyment in the obvious pining, Derek just laughed, “Back to the first answer: there’s no logic, rhyme or reason.”

“It’s Spencer.” You concluded aloud now for your own understanding, hoping everything would start to make sense.

“You got it.”

Spencer had come back inside just for Dave to start corralling everyone out of the house. “You don’t have to go home, but you cannot stay here.” He had said as everyone started to say their final goodbyes for the night. There were hugs all around, many variations of holiday wishes for the extended weekend everyone was about to embark on.

“Hey, can you give Spencer a ride home?” Emily had asked as she pulled away from her goodbye hug.

“Excuse me?” He called several feet away from where he had been on the fringes of a conversation between Aaron and JJ.

“Is everything okay?” You had asked her, looking her once over as if the answer was somewhere on her person.

“Yeah. Penelope ordered something to my address and I’m supposed to drop it off at her apartment after and, well I forgot. Besides, don’t want to keep Reid out past his bedtime.” She had tried to joke but he crossed over to your conversation now, slight upset over his face.

“I don’t have a bedtime!” He had tried to protest.

All to be met with a “yes you do,” from the members of the team that were still left. The pout in protest pulled his bottom lip out from under his top, and he finally turned to look at you. His attention shouldn’t have felt like a reward, but being treated with an imaginary ten foot pole in his attempt to keep distance wasn’t a fond feeling either.

You tried to offer him some semblance of comfort but he just turned on his heels to grab his bag from Emily’s car, sulking back over to your car. “Good luck.” Emily whispered to you before turning back to her car.

Climbing into your car, you noticed how Spencer was content to sit completely still and rigid in his seat, his knee bouncing as he brought his fingers to press to his lips.

“Are you okay?” It was an attempt at bursting the bubble that had formed around you two, keeping you in separate worlds from the other.

“I’m fine.” He huffed, answer too short and to the point.

“You’re lying.”

“No I’m not.” You heard it then. The rise of an octave, the unbelievable deflection.

“You are.” He settled further into his seat as you drove out of the DC suburbs and closer to where your apartments were. “Did I do something wrong?” Your voice fell then, insecurity creeping in at the thought that maybe you had unknowingly done something to upset him.

“What?” His voice wasn’t high in pitch this time, but soft in tone as he snapped his attention to you. “Why would you think-”

“Well, you gave me a really nice gift and asked to speak to me later and then spent the rest of the evening avoiding me. So I thought maybe I just did something to offend you, so…”

“I’m not… offended.”

“You’re not?”

“No.”

“Then what is it?”

“I,” his head fell back, hitting the head rest before he blew out some air from his pressed lips, looking over to you to watch your reaction to his next words, “I like you.”

“Well yeah. I mean we’re friends, have been friends for quite some time now.”

“No, I mean… I like you, like you.”

“Oh?” A silence had settled as you both took a moment to take in his words, then hoping the other would say something to end the silence. “Are you sure?”

“Am I sure?” It offered him the chance to laugh. Not like he was insulted, but more he thought it was funny that you weren’t sure if he was sure.

“I mean- I think I get it. But why did you spend the rest of the night avoiding me?”

“Because,” you came to a red light while you waited for his answer, looking to him to see he had already been watching you, “I was scared you wouldn’t feel the same.” He started to shy away from you again, eyes avoiding meeting yours no matter how long you thought you’d been staring at him.

“What if I do?” You reached for his hand in between your two seats, fingers gently securing through his, waiting to see if he would pull away. This grabbed his attention, hopeful eyes finally looking into yours now. “What if I do, like you, like you?”

“Then I would be thrilled.” It was sweet, the feeling of understanding, of mutual endearment for the other while he held your hand there, paying no mind to the red light above you both. But like a sign from above, it turned green, reflecting off the interior of the car.

There were so many things you wanted to commit to memory, in the same way he would without half the effort. You wanted to remember the way he looked at you, the way it felt to be under his gaze with this new meaning. You wanted to remember the way it felt to hold his hand, or the way it felt to have his thumbing small circles into your hand. The way you couldn’t fight the smile as it took over your lips, or the way he seemed to feel the same way. But most of all, you wanted to remember how it felt to be in that moment with him, mind swimming with possibilities of what this would mean for the future.

-

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Or Something

Synopsis: Spencer Reid doesn’t call out. Ever. A personal day is a foreign concept to him. So how does reader react when he takes a sick day?

A/N: I had intended this to be a blurb but it somehow turned into a oneshot. Inspired by the exchange:

“Kendall’s not here because she’s got the flu or something?”

“I actually didn’t have the flu.”

Warnings: BAU work environment (minus the casework), absense from work, illness, existing close to a sick person, cough

Word Count: 1.1k

Masterlist

The sixth floor was too quiet this afternoon. Aaron Hotchner was in his office, brow furrowed in the way they always did as he looked over paperwork, pile after pile covering his desk. Derek and Emily were sitting across from each other in the bullpen, tossing a paper ball back and forth. Penelope and JJ had been in the roundtable room, preparing something that would soon reveal itself. And Rossi had walked into the break room for another coffee refill. Everyone was here… except, “Where’s Spencer?” I finally voiced, turning to look over at the two still with me among all the desks.

“Oh! He called in sick.” Emily held the paper ball in her hand for just a moment before tossing it back to Derek.

“Sick?” I had to ask aloud to process the fact. That slightly explained his absence, but it still felt like a foreign idea.

“Yes?”

“Spencer Reid does not call in sick.” I mumbled aloud, but mostly to myself, as I gathered my bag and important belongings from my desk surface.

“Where are you going?” I think Derek had asked me. It could’ve been Emily. But it almost didn’t matter. Making my way over to Hotch’s office, I gave him a simple answer for my sudden departure before walking towards the elevator. Spencer Reid doesn’t call out, and Spencer Reid doesn’t really ever get sick.

-

Spencer hadn’t answered the phone, after I had called about three times. In normal Spencer behaviour, he would maybe answer by the second call, if anything the third. But before I could make a fourth call, I decided it was easier to just show up at his apartment. Knocking on apartment 23’s door, it would’ve been mindful to keep it soft. Because what if he actually was sick? What if he was napping? But there was an instinct in me now that needed to hear from him. There was movement on the other side of the door before the wood left the frame. “What are you-“ he quickly turned his head from me, wrapping his arm over his face, coughing into the oversized sleeve of his cardigan before looking back to me, “what are you doing here?” There was a layer of congestion to his voice, making a reality the phrasing “something sitting on your throat”.

“Oh my god, you are sick.” I wanted to take a step back. If it was a cold, I was not exactly thrilled at the thought of being sick right now. But the need to help him in any capacity was stronger than that fear.

“And you’re going to get it if you don’t leave.” I could feel my lips pressing together at the thought, but one look at him told me more than I knew it could. While the self preservations and paranoia were urgent in not wanting to get sick, I wanted to make sure he was okay. And from the way he looked, he needed someone to look after him and provide that level of care.

“Nope. I’m here to take care of you.” Pushing his door open further, I entered his apartment like it had been any other weekend for the two of us.

“Why?” He groaned from his spot at the door, surely locking it into place.

“Because last time you caught the cold on a case you spent two nights in your hotel room and you were a baby on the jet.” There were a number of tissue boxes around his sofa, on the floor and coffee table. The curtains over the windows hadn’t been drawn back, leaving the room overall dark with a singular lamp illuminating the space. “What was the last thing you ate?”

“Some soup?” Moving past me, he sat on his couch, head immediately falling back to rest against the back of the frame as his eyes closed.

“That’s good!”

“Last night.” His body was wincing as I looked back over to him, eyes squinting as he tried to lean away from me.

“Spencer Walter Reid!” I was starting to feel like my parents, using full government names to chastise. I wasn’t nearly as serious as my parents though, a smile pulling at my lips.

“I was going to make something!” His tone was defensive as he looked over at me, eyes looking to the kitchen and back.

“Like what?”

“I don’t know.” It was a quiet answer this time, a tone he often never used in the office.

“Go put your ass on the couch, I’ll make you something.” Setting my bag down near his desk, I moved towards his kitchen, immediately trying to figure out where he kept what in the small space of cabinets and drawers.

“You’re exposing yourself the longer you’re here!” He called over from the couch, coughing at the end of his sentence. If he was going to eat anything, he needed to start by drinking something. Thankfully, he had apparently just did a grocery run as his refrigerator wasn’t as empty as it could’ve been. There was a container of orange juice and a clean glass sitting in the dish drainer.

“And I can take care of myself. You-'' Stepping out of his kitchen with the glass of orange juice, I placed it on the coffee table in front of him, “are sick. And I am here for you so-“ he took a few sips of it before laying down on the couch as I returned to the kithcen, trying to think what on earth I could possibly cook for him with whatever he had in his apartment.

-

It was several hours after the fact. Once he had eaten a solid meal, I encouraged him to go get a shower, if anything hoping the steam would help open his respiratory system so he could breathe easier. While he did so, I ran to the store down the street and got him new medication to start taking, hoping it would make his recovery easier and get him back to his normal self faster. There was a documentary playing on the TV now, something he must’ve put on in my absence. Taking a seat on the couch, he soon joined me, resting his head on my shoulder as he got comfortable. “The team called.”

“And?” I asked, my hand moving to comb through the roots of his hair, his head becoming heavier against my body.

“They want to know why you left the office.” His hands were fumbling to grab the blanket that was bundled at his feet, pulling it up along his body to about his chest and waist. There was a slight tremour coming from him now as he snuggled closer to me.

“Theyre profilers. They can figure it out.” Slightly moving my body along the couch, we soon found ourselves in a position where his head was resting against my chest, my arms resting over him, the blanket over both of us. Continuing to comb my fingers throug his hair, I noticed how he soon became slightly heavier and his breathing had picked up a rhythm. Spencer had fallen asleep in my arms, and it was the best feeling in the world.

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#criminal minds #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid y/n #spencer reid fandom #oneshot #derek morgan #emily prentiss #jj #aaron hotchner #david rossi #ssahopelessly

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Broken Mirror

Synopsis: A few weeks after he is released from prison, Spencer’s insecurities rise to the surface, causing a fight. The fight pushes the reader to go to Luke’s house, where he suddenly finds himself playing couples counselor.

Warnings: couples fighting, suggestions of cheating, mention of Cat Adams and what happened in Mexico, self sabotage of a relationship, miscommunication

Word Count: 2.5k

Masterlist

“I’m sorry I can’t be him.” Spencer mumbled under his breath.

“Be WHO Spencer?” Unintentionally, I had snapped at him. I didn’t want to. It was the last thing he deserved. But the fight was getting old before it even started. Too preoccupied by my thoughts, I hadn’t noticed how he ran his hands through his hair before looking back over at me.

“Him! Luke Alvez!” A laugh escaped through his lips.

“What?” The idea was preposterous. I moved closer back into our living area to look at him, but his eyes told me he had convinced himself that Alvez was who I wanted to be with.

“If you’re so unhappy with me, maybe you should go be with him.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Blinded by jealousy or rage did not matter, he was making no sense in any capacity.

“Garcia told me! Told me how close you were while I was in prison (Y/N)! How he was always at your side, always your shoulder to cry on. How when you missed me the most, he was there to comfort you? We’re fucking profilers (Y/N), do you think I’m dumb?” Spencer was not textbook dumb, by no measure could you test and prove he was unintelligent. But in this moment, he was astoundingly and remarkably dumb. And I was enraged. His feelings were pouring out, accusing me of such malicious acts and intent, I couldn’t hold my tongue anymore.

“And JJ told me about Cat and her baby!”

“What?” His strong and loud conviction was soon broken into a soft whisper, as if this was something that would have remained between the three of them.

“How Cat Adams got you off in Mexico and while she is very much pregnant, you for a moment considered the child may be yours.”

“You have no business-“

“And you know what hurts the most Spence? Is that you and I both know you would take in the child.”

“Now that’s unfair.” He leaned back in his chair, breaking the stare down we had been caught in, taking a moment to glance over at the window. With his fingers curled into a fist by his mouth, I watched how his lips moved in a fashion to indicate he was very much biting away at the inside.

“Is it?” And just like that, he wouldn’t look at me. And I wouldn’t wait for him to. Finally getting my feet to move, I made my way towards our room, immediately searching for the go bag I had just been repacking for work.

“Where are you going?” It was a call from the doorway, his body now filling the space of the frame. I could feel his eyes on me but I couldn’t think or even spare a glance at him. My movements seemed to know what I was intent on doing before I figured it out.

“I’m doing what you said: I’m going to Luke’s.” Wiping a tear away from my skin, I walked towards the front door, only needing my car keys from where they lived, in the ceramic dish by the entrance of his apartment.

“You’re leaving me?” He continued to call after me, as if it were a challenge.

“You did this yourself!” Looking back over to him, I saw how eyes were confused before anything else. “Spencer, I am not going to stand here any longer if you are only intentionally driving a wedge between us. Shit, I want to be here with you. But I can’t bear witness to you destroying us before I can even have a say in it.”

“You said you would never leave me.” From his voice I could tell he wanted to sound angry but it registered more as hurt than anything else. It was almost enough to convince me to stay and repair our damage. Almost.

“And you said you would never break my heart.”

-

“(Y/N/N)? What are you-“ I tried to wipe my tears away before Luke had to look at me, but they never stopped. This is how Luke found me on his front doorstep, my hands tucked away in the too long sleeves of one of Spencer’s old sweaters and tears streaming down my face while I choked on my own sobs. “Oh my god.” He pulled me in for a hug before moving us back into his house, closing the door behind him. His hands moved from cradling my head to brushing my hair out of my face, letting my head rest in his hands as I tried to find my breathing. There was suddenly a cool breeze on my nose, notably coming from Luke. Giving him a puzzled look, he offered me a sheepish smile. “Uhm- Spencer told me one time when you introduce a new feeling to the nervous system, your brain stops in order to figure out what is happening.”

“Did he really?”

“Something along those lines. He just used more words.” I tried not to laugh but I did as I tried to wipe away my tears. “Do you want to tell me what is going on?” It was either tell him or maybe he would profile it out of me. But Luke didn't need to be heavily involved in the personal lives of his coworkers, and it was for that reason I wanted to withhold information. Spencer also deserved some privacy and confidentiality, and it was that reason I remained tight lipped on the former conversation.

-

“Hey man.” Luke tried to keep it casual but he already knew why Spencer would show up unannounced at this hour.

“Hey. Is (Y/N) here?” It was a whisper, his voice fragile as he felt his spirit more broken than he had first thought. Of all things, he felt like he lost the privilege to ask about her, to care about her.

“Yeah, she’s asleep.”

“Okay.” Spencer turned to leave, feeling like he hit a wall in what he should do next.

“Spencer. What happened?” Luke called after him.

“What?”

“Your girlfriend shows up on my doorstep crying and you don't show up until a few hours later. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine Luke.” As profilers, they promised not to profile one another, but when your coworker is not giving you the answers you want, your mind tends to start noticing things, like their body language. In this moment, Luke noticed Spencer hadn’t removed his hands from his pockets, indicating he was either hiding something or maybe anxious because of something. But Luke was also smart enough to know whatever was bothering the genius was deeper than the events of tonight, he could see the way Spencer carried his troubles in his facial features.

“Are you sure?”

“Excuse me?” Spencer’s tone was getting defensive, but that still told Luke there was something under the surface getting to him.

“You were in prison Reid, for a crime you didn’t commit. You’ve been through a trauma and I can see how much you want to slip back into a time before all of this but you can’t act like it didn’t happen.”

“I know that Alvez. Do you think I don’t know that? I just…” he stared off into the night, looking at how a streetlight only illuminated a few things around it. “You can’t tell her this.”

“I won’t.”

“There are moments when I close my eyes, and I think I’m still there. Or that any minute they’ll take me back. And in those moments, I know she deserves so much better. You all do. But I can’t bring myself to be who she needs anymore and I can’t break up with her because that will ruin her.” His voice started to break at the end, a tear or two welling in his eyes before Spencer took a breath in, trying to wipe the emotion away before Luke could take notice of it.

“So, you’re trying to make it easy for her to leave you? You’re pushing her away?” While Luke was trying to understand what Spencer wouldn’t say directly, he also hoped by saying it in that way Spencer would realise what it sounded like, what he wouldn’t confess to.

“I didn’t realise I was. But then when she left, I realised how much I still needed her.”

“Luke?” Her voice broke through the silence, echoing from inside his house. “Luke, who is it?” Spencer tried not to think of this as a parallel universe but he could see it so clearly. He could see them together, living happily with the other. But every second the thought existed in his mind, it pained his heart more as that was once the life he envisioned for the two of them.

“What do you want me to say?” Luke had asked, readjusting his posture. The words caught in Spencer’s mouth, conflicted over what his intentions should be at this hour.

“I want to talk to her.” It was a whisper, Spencer almost scared of her realising it’s him. “If she’ll let me.” Luke nodded before gently closing the door, leaving it resting against the frame instead of fully secured to. He waited on the front doorstep, rocking on his feet as he watched the street around him.

“She’s willing to talk.” It was as if a wave of relief had washed over him. “But Spencer. Be honest with her. Tell her what you just told me.” Nodding, he slipped through the threshold of the front door, noticing how Luke stepped out the front door. “I’m going to wait out here, give you two some time alone.” Nodding, he moved towards the living area, finding her sitting up on Luke’s couch, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. For a moment she didn't look at him, but by the time he sat across from her on the other couch, he noticed how puffy and red her eyes were, even after she just woke up from her nap.

“Hi.” She deserved more than that, an apology and an explanation, and Spencer knew that. But he didn't know where to start.

“Hi.” (Y/N) had whispered back, her voice scratchy and worn out. His heart panged at how much he had put her through.

“I- I want to say I’m sorry.”

“For?” She croaked out, bringing her feet closer to herself on the couch, hugging her arms around them, the blanket forming a full shield around her body.

“For how I’ve been acting.”

“Understatement Spencer.”

“I know.” Tears had started to form as he recalled every terrible thing he had said or thought since he was free again. “I love you. So much. It’s just at times- I would wonder if you still loved me, or if you still wanted to be with me.” He felt the wet trail start down his cheek, and he tried to wipe it away before she noticed but she did. She always noticed. “And I think part of my mind is still back there. And I think of who I became, of what I did, and I don’t want to bring that into this.” Her eyes softened as she watched him, his fingers picking at his skin on the other hand, his knee bouncing under him. “So for a moment, I thought the best way to protect you was to push you away. But I- I was wrong. And I’m so sorry. For everything.” He now noticed she had also started to cry. When his eyes met her, she immediately averted her attention to the side of the room, watching the world outside. “(Y/N)?” She bit her lip before lowering her face into her lap, letting out more tears. Spencer took the opportunity to move over next to her, to pull her body into his, running his hand over her back and then to smooth out her hair. Placing a kiss to her head, he rocked the two of them. A hand came out of the blanket as she clutched onto his shirt. They stayed like that for a few minutes before she stopped enough to speak.

“Next time you’re going to say ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘I’m wrong’, can I at least have a warning so I can record it?” A laugh escaped his lips as he pulled her tighter to him, the scent of her shampoo wafting into his nose so he may remember this moment. “You have to talk to me Spencer.”

“I know.”

“Spence, I'm serious. And if not me, then someone. You can’t carry this on your own. I know you’re strongly independent but this is the one time where you can’t do it alone. Just promise me. If not me, then someone.”

“I promise.” He pressed a kiss to her lips, taking a moment to run his thumb against her cheek. “I love you.”

“I love you too. Now let’s give Luke his house back, we have to be at work in 5 hours.” She patted his knee, Spencer instantly rising to his feet to offer his hands to her, so she may take them and he could help her stand back up on her feet. Wrapping the blanket into a bundle, she placed it where she was sitting, taking hold of Spencer’s hand as they walked back towards the front door. Opening the door though, they found Luke slumped over, leaning against a column as he sat on one of the steps down. Roxie was beside him, laying down but ears perked up as she was on alert from all the night life. Her head perked back to look at the reconciled couple, tail wagging when she saw (Y/N). Reaching his hand down to their friend, Spencer gently shook Luke’s shoulder, trying to wake him.

“Hey man, we’re leaving.” Luke shook his head before he turned around to look at his friends, his eyes immediately focusing on their hands holding the other.

“You can have your house back.” (Y/N) laughed, hearing a gentle pop as Luke pushed on his knees to stand up, stretching to crack something in his back.

“Finally. Listen, I love having you guys over but if this becomes a counseling spot, I should be getting paid.”

“Oh my gosh, go to sleep Alvez.” She shoved his shoulder as he stepped back up to be on the same level as them.

“I was asleep. Out here, yet you woke me.”

“Listen, if you want us to sleep here we will. We can take Roxie inside with us and bring you that blanket-“ Spencer motioned between him and (Y/N), squeezing her hand as she fought off the laugh that was rising to the surface.

“No, no, no- I want my bed.” He motioned for Roxie to go inside, which she did, happily continuing up the staircase. Taking one last glance at the couple, a smile spread over Luke’s lips at the sight of his friends so in love with the other. “You guys have a goodnight.” The door started to close, but (Y/N) had to taunt him with one last thing.

“See you in five hours!” Luke groaned from his spot on the other side of the door, the click of the deadbolt giving the couple a sense of relief as they descended the steps, finally heading home together.

Tell me what you think here!

#criminal minds #spencer reid #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x reader #x y/n #x reader #s12 spencer reid #luke alvez #angst #ssahopelessly #oneshot #spencer reid fandom #spencer reid x you #imagine #prison spencer reid

[ssahopelessly]

So, a Wedding?

Synopsis: She had the invitation for nearly three months, but that doesn't mean she would've taken the time to find a proper date. So instead, two weeks before the wedding, she has to ask the only coworker she can think of to attend her friends wedding.

A/N: Let’s pretend Lesley Smith-Juniment is Spencer Reid because it was filmed a little after S9! Anyway, this piece in particular is the fastest (1 week) I have worked on one solid piece and the longest oneshot I have written so far. Please give it a read!

Warnings: taking your coworker to a wedding, mutual pining, awkwardness, anxiety, sharing food, first dance, first kiss, friend from college wedding

Word Count: 7.9k

Masterlist

“Hey Spencer?”

“Yeah?” Looking over at him, his eyes were on me from where he sat at his desks. My words were getting caught in my throat, a mix of anxiety and dread.

“Would you-“ they died there. The thing I needed to get out. Funny enough, if he would just look on the surface of my desk, he would see this dread materialised, in the physical form of a wedding invitation.

“What is it?” Forcing myself to look away from him, I closed my eyes and hoped the words would tumble out.

“Would you want to go to a wedding with me?” With one eye open, I spared a glance at him, the same time the sunlight chose to shine into our office, casting him in a near perfect holy light, a radiant aura around him. The rays caught in his brunette hair, almost giving him a halo. None of this was helping the other thing I was fighting deep down.

His expression though was one I rarely saw from him. Eyebrows raised, breath caught in his nose, he leaned back in his chair, looking at his desk then me. “A wedding?”

“Forget it.” Pushing against the desk surface, I rose from my seat and made my way over to the breakroom in hopes of getting coffee, but also to escape the environment I had just created. But I could hear his steps behind me, pausing at the breakroom entrance.

“Do you want to go?” Spencer’s voice hitched towards the end, being careful with his question, probably fearful I may take off again. “Who’s wedding is it?”

“A friend from college. Her name is Alexis and she’s marrying her high school sweetheart and…” he had moved closer into the break room, leaving a table between us where I was still at the counter making my coffee. But his eyes were comforting, encouraging the answer from me.

“And?”

“She’s expecting me to bring a date and I just- don’t want to make it awkward between us.”

“I’ll go with you, if you want me to.”

“I do, but I don’t want you to feel weird or think of it like a date or that you have to go with me.” I watched as his eyes shifted to the ground, his shoulders slumping in a way. Was it something I said? Was he doing this to be nice? I didn’t want him to step out of his comfort zone. “Like, we’re just friends, going to a wedding.” A small smile formed at the corner of his lips. “Just friends.” I reaffirmed one more time.

“When is it?” Spencer had looked back up to me, lower lip between his teeth. I tried to think of the invitation with the date back on my desk, offering my best rough guess of when it would be.

“In two weeks?”

“Can I ask where?” There was an entertained smile on his lips now, Spencer opting to put his fingers into the pockets of his pants.

“Some winery in Leesburg.” With his head nodding, he straightened up, looked the breakroom over one time, and offered me a smile.

“Okay.” There was a rush of activity outside of the breakroom, visible to me through the window that looked into the bullpen. “It looks like there’s a case.” He voiced the thought we both had at the commotion, a common occurrence in the office. I stirred the coffee one last time before electing to take the mug with me to the roundtable room.

-

“What are you wearing?” He was breathless when he appeared behind me, trying to carry both his messenger bag and his go-bag.

“A gun.” I looked at him from the corner of my eye, eventually stopping to move beside him so we could walk together.

“Ohmygod-“ he brought a hand up to his face, trying to conceal the wave of embarrassment he just endured. “No, I meant to the wedding.” He was trying to laugh it off, but I was kind of enjoying seeing him flounder like this.

“Oh. Well, it’s at a winery so I was thinking about this ruby-ish dress I found at this boutique the other day. Or even this light pink dress I never wore from last summer. Why?” The team was several feet ahead and behind us, so my fear that they would nose their way into our weekend plans was significantly decreased, especially considering how tired we all were after this last case. The whole ride home everyone just voiced their wishes about wanting to go home.

“Well I was just trying to plan what I should wear.”

“Are you thinking of wearing a suit?” It would be hot with the weather in a suit, but Spencer always looked particularly nice and sharp in one of his suits, walking around the office or station. He would still have a cardigan with him, but Blake was starting to encourage him to wear just the suits. Both looks complimented him though.

“Probably, but then I might want to buy a new one.” I spared a glance over at him, one eyebrow raised at his remark. Was he wanting to buy a special suit for the wedding? Were none of his suits in his wardrobe good enough for this?

“Why?”

“Well do you want me to wear one of the suits I wear into the field? One of the very suits I wear around dead victims and everything?” The pieces clicked in my head, how overall grim the context would be. ‘Hi, meet my coworker who yes, is wearing the same suit he wore to the murder house the other month.’

“Okay so maybe buy a new suit.” We both started to laugh as we entered the bureau office building, his arm reaching beside me to hold the door open for me. “Do you want me to send you a picture of the dress when I get home?”

“If you don’t mind. That would be really helpful.”

“I will. And let me know if there’s anything else you need.”

“I will. Thank you.” He gave me one of the smiles that had the strength to make me stumble in my step, forget all reason, and for my breath to stall as it often did around him. But I also had to remember we had to stay friends. That now was NOT the time, nor was it ever, for me to be crushing on my coworker.

-

Thirty minutes before Spencer was supposed to pick me up from my apartment, my phone started to ring from where it was charging beside my bed. “Hello?” I answered, slightly concerned with why he was calling this early.

“Hey, I’m parking at your place right now.”

“Oh! I mean- Spencer, I'm not ready.”

“Oh-“

“Like you can come sit and wait for me inside instead of running your car for that long but I’m still working on my makeup and hair.”

“No, I- I don’t want to invade your space like that.”

“Spencer I’m leaving my front door unlocked. Come up when you’re ready.” Shaking my head, I had to laugh at the both of us. I should’ve expected him to run early like this, but the nerves of spending the whole day with him like this had made me ignore this one part of the plan.

Twisting the deadbolt from the frame, I ran back to my room, not really wanting Spencer to see me in only one of my satin mini robes, not today of all days. But surely, as I had made it back to safety in my room and locked my bedroom door, the apartment door at the bottom of the stairs suddenly opened. “Hey! It’s just me.” He called up to me. “I’m locking your door again.”

“Thank you!” I called back to him, a smile forming on my lips. I was giddy as I applied the final touches of makeup and placed the last pin to my hair, quick to step into my dress and heels. I kept the jewellery light, but also intentional in placing a ring to my ring finger but on my right hand and a ring to my middle finger on the left. Was I doing it for him? Perhaps, but how would he know? A few sprays of perfume and one last twirl in front of the mirror, I was mostly satisfied with how I looked, knowing that if it got too hot at the winery, it would almost be all for nothing. Taking my purse from the bench at the end of my bed, I exited my room and tried to keep my composure as I descended the stairs. “Spencer!” I called into the lower level. “I’m ready to go if you-“ but within the last ten steps of the staircase, I saw him waiting for me just at the landing, “- are.”

“You look beautiful.” Were his first words to me in person for the day, and I tried to fight the butterflies in my stomach.

“Thank you. And you look-“ don’t say anything that’s too much. Compliment him but don’t scare him off, “you look charming.” Charmimg? Like Prince Charming?! Real smooth. But he did look charming. He chose to forego one of his usual dark toned or black suits for a light grey suit.

“Thank you. I showed the tailor the picture of your dress and he recommended this but he also,” reaching a hand into his suit jacket, he pulled a neatly rolled bundle of fabric from a pocket, “found this tie that he hoped would match your dress. In case I wanted to class it up a bit more.” Taking a step closer to him to look at the tie colour, I placed a hand near his.

“Well let’s see.” I pulled our hands, holding the tie, closer to my dress to see not only were the colours identical but nearly the same material. I tried to ignore the butterflies in my stomach again, the same way I tried to ignore how he tensed and stopped breathing at my touch. Then I remembered why he must’ve done so. “Oh, I’m sorry. You don’t like physical touch like that.” I started rambling, a blush rising to my cheeks as I looked to the floor.

“We’ve been coworkers for three years, two months, and 18 days. It doesn’t bother me as much.”

“Well I shouldn’t have just touched you like that, I’m sorry.”

“I promise you, I don’t mind.” As his eyes moved down my face, I had to look away, still slightly embarrassed from my action. Clearing his throat, he spoke up again. “Actually, do you have a mirror I can use? I would like to put this on before we leave.”

“Uh yeah, just under the stairs right here.” I led him toward the half bath where I had a mirror on the back of the door.

“Thank you. It should only take me a minute.”

“Take your time Spencer, we have a few minutes.” He had to close the door to fully use the mirror, which was good for me. I needed to quickly recollect my cool. “Actually I’m going to get something to drink real quick.” I didn’t wait for his response as I entered my kitchen, just further down the hall. There was a half full bottle of coke in the fridge from the other night that I didn’t hesitate to open, careful to drink it without ruining my lip balm. By the time I had taken a few sips though, he had found me, standing on the other side of the kitchen island from me.

“How do I look?” The tie was perfectly centered on his neck, the collar of his shirt pulled over it just right.

“Still charming.” I downed the rest of my drink before resealing it, putting the bottle into the recycle bin.

“Oh, I actually got you something.”

“Spencer?!” He walked over to the sitting area, where to my surprise a gift bag had been sitting on one of the couch cushions. “You didn’t-“

“I know but,” he looked down at the bag in his hands then back to me, “I just really wanted to.” A little speculative now, I placed my fingers through the string handles of the gift bag, taking it from him. Pulling the tissue paper from the top layer, I surely saw what looked like the shape of a mug, wrapped in tissue paper.

“Spencer, did you get me a mug?”

“Just open it.” he insisted, his hands patiently folded in front of him. Careful to unwrap it without dropping it, I placed the tissue paper and bag on the counter surface next to me. With the mug fully unwrapped, I noticed how it was a colour almost resemblant of my birthstone. I turned it around to see the design on the side. It was a collection of stars, that with closer inspection wrapped the whole side of the mug.

“Thank you.” The air had been pressed from my lungs at how simple but effective the mug really was.

“It’s uhm- it was supposed to be your gift for three years at the BAU- but something happened and it didn’t show up for like a week later.”

“That’s so nice Spencer.”

“And the stars, well the stars are the same constellations that would’ve been in the night sky of your first day.” My lungs hadn’t refilled just yet, or maybe they had but forgot how to expel air from them.

“Spencer-“ I didn’t know what more to say, because the mug was clearly more meaningful than I could’ve once believed. “I… I don’t know what to say!”

“Well, be sure to thank Penelope. She helped me order it for you without knowing.”

“Will do.” I walked it over to the cabinet where I kept all my mugs, placing it just at the edge of the shelf, to be one of the first mugs I would reach for, before closing the door on it.

“Should we leave now?”

“Yes, of course.” He moved to walk in front of me, in an attempt to get the apartment door open for me before I elected to say one more thing. “Can you- uhm, go get the car started? I want to make sure my apartment is ready to be left alone for the day.”

“Sure. You know what my car looks like right?”

“Yeah, Spencer I park near it most of the week.”

“Right.” A smile was present on his lips as he looked to the floor, nodding to himself before dipping out of my apartment. Running up the stairs, I made sure everything in my room was off and that the same was to be said for downstairs. Once I was satisfied with that, I quickly punched in my security alarm before leaving the place. On my front doorstep, I walked down the sidewalk to look for his car, quickly finding it, and him, standing next to the passenger door for me.

-

We arrived at the venue about forty minutes before the wedding service even started, giving us plenty of time to make our way into the venue at our own pace. But once we even entered the foyer, we were met with a few members of the wedding party, handing out the ceremony favours.

“Here is your folding fan, bag of confetti, and the parasol. The confetti we ask you save until the send off and the parasol is only to be used outside.” The girl handed the gifts to me, probably because I had the invitation in my hand. And the joy radiating from her face was bright, telling me she was probably a sorority sister from Alexis’ time at college.

“Oh, is it possible we get another parasol?” I asked, trying to keep the three souveneirs and invitation balanced in one hand.

“Unfortunately we only have enough parasols for every couple, not individuals. But I’m sure your boyfriend won’t mind sharing.”

“Oh! He’s not-“ I turned to look at Spencer, the color running to my face.

“Yeah, I’m not…” His eyes were searching mine for an answer, but as two profilers, we both seemed lost on the matter.

“We’re just coworkers.” I regretted the term the moment I said it. It seemed so distant and cold, like this was a last minute inconveniece. And while it was last minute, surely bringing my coworker (who I may or may not have a crush on) to a wedding, it surely is not an inconvenience. So I took the favors, passed the parasol to Spencer while I tried to fit the confetti into the small crossbody purse that I had brought with me, and we proceeded further into the venue. I was surprised to see that there was a path of singular-rose filled vases lining the pathway that was surely meant to take us to the seating area for the ceremony.

“So how did you meet her again?” Spencer asked beside me, looking aroundto take in the details of our surroundings.

“She’s uh, she’s a friend from college. One of my old roommates actually.” He nodded as we came upon a large photo arch. At the bottom of each side of the arch, are photos of them as babies. The sides then rising, photos aging with the pictured child and then teen, then adult, until it meets the curve, and on both sides the photos are a mix of photos of the couple. The framed photo, at the top center of the arch, is their engagement photo, them holding hands with the ring on display, kissing behind their hands.

“So she’s, just another student.” I could hear the undertone of petty energy in his words though he was fully joking, turning to look at him in full.

“Spencer, earlier- I didn’t.”

“It’s fine.” Was all he had to add, a smile pushing his cheeks up. “I know.” We both gave the arch one more look. “And how did she meet him?”

“High school sweethearts.” His mouth fell open like it often did when the last piece of evidence was introduced and he was piecing together how it all fit. But once again, Spencer was quick to step in front of me, holding the door open for me as he also opened the parasol so I wouldn’t step directly into the sun.

“Shall we?”

“I can hold the parasol Spencer.”

“It’s no problem. Promise.” The smile he offered now was one of pure genuine delight. Like if he could, he would hold the parasol for me the whole time. But he didn’t have to, and I wouldn’t allow it.

We found our spots on her side of the aisle, noticing how they seemed to fit all of the chairs, aisle, and altar under two of the largest trees on the property. It was a bit of a walk from the venue house to the location of the ceremony, but once you were seated, it was quite a view. The altar was centered between the trees but even behind that, the roll of the vineyard fields began, offering a look out to the horizon line, a mountain range in the distance offering an expansive backdrop. “You still want to hold that parasol?” We were under the trees like I said, and while the sun was still very much in the sky, for now the branches were blocking a good portion of the sunlight from creating too hot of an air. Shaking his head, he collapsed the parasol down, resting it between our chairs as we settled into our seats. There was about twenty minutes before anyone would walk down the aisle, and as easy as it was to make conversation on the jet, I couldn’t seem to think of anything to talk about with him.

“Do you want to get married someday?” The question pulled me out of my thoughts instantly.

“What?”

“Like would you want a big ceremony like this?”

“Uhm, probably not. Not during the late summer at least.”

“Because of the weather right?”

“Yeah. Like I always imagined an inside venue but even then, probably winter or spring.”

“Why not fall?”

“Not all of us have an affinity for fall Spencer.” The words looked like they landed harsher than I intended, his head dropping a little as he looked away. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” His head was still hung low and now I wondered if there was anything I could do or say that would repair any damage I had suddenly created.

“No, I mean. I’m sorry I’m being weird. I mean I feel like I’m being weird. I just-“ I closed my eyes to try and catch my breath and the train of thought that ran with it, but his hand was suddenly on my knee, squeezing the skin and the muscle underneath. Looking back over at him, it was one of his smiles that took over one corner more than the other.

“It’s okay.”

“Is it?” My hand joined his now, resting atop the surface while my knee also came to a stop. I didn’t realise it was bouncing out of nerves, but he seemed to have noticed. “I’m sorry.” I said again out of impulse.

“You don’t have to apologise.” For a moment I hoped he got it. For a moment, I hoped he felt the same way about me that I felt about him. That the secret pining wasn’t one sided. For a moment… “Seeing old friends that we haven’t seen in multiple years can bring up old memories and strong emotions.” And the moment of hope was gone in his one sentence. And I couldn’t be mad at him. Spencer Reid was doing what he did best, finding the logic in a situation to explain the difficulties in hopes that it would make those around him comfortable.

“You’re right.” I squeezed his hand a final time before letting it go, forcing myself to look away from him.

-

The ceremony of Alexis and James carried on without a hitch. The bridesmaids wore the softest form of blush pink, in dresses that best fit each bridesmaid, unique in style from one to the other. The groomsmen though were indistinguishable from the other, all wearing black suits with black bow ties, hands folded in front of the other in nearly the same manner. Spencer wondered in his head if they were all models or fraternity brothers together. But in the end it didn’t matter. The whole party was glamorous and picture perfect in a way that seemed almost unattainable . With Spencer to her left, she didn’t have much time to glance over at him during the ceremony, her focus never once wavering from the altar. She wouldn’t miss seeing Alexis get married to James, not even a singular second. But, despite the organised beauty of the spectacle before them, Spencer couldn’t stop sneaking glances at (Y/N). Even in the moments he wasn’t looking at her, when he was looking at the couple at the altar, he could only think of standing up there with her. Even if he didn’t get his way, and she would have them get married in the cold of winter inside a church or the golden hour of spring in a field of flowers, Spencer wondered what her dress would look like.

Spencer had spent the last three years having his little fantasies of (Y/N). They were only ever of simple things. Like holding her hand on the jet, asking her out to dinner on a date. Being able to go home with her at the end of a case and the lovely little domestic life they might lead in an apartment of their own. There were very few girls he had felt that sense of forever with, but with her, he could feel it down to the very nucleus of the cells that composed him in every way. He wanted a forever with her, but the fear held him back. The fear that she may not feel the same, that she in turn may only think of him within the office walls. When she thought of forever, was he even in the picture?

For just a moment though, he couldn’t be bothered with thoughts of forever. Because for once, he had now. Now, where she was next to him under the large trees of this vineyard. Now, where they didn’t have to be agents and professionals. Now, where they only had to be themselves and keep each other company during the events of a wedding. For now, he could let his mind relax and just be present in the moment.

-

The reception would be held in the same building we had initially entered through. The newlyweds and party were off taking photos so while we waited for them there was an open bar or as we were encouraged to call it “cocktail hour”. And while I had never seen Spencer drink any sort of drink or cocktail in the few years I worked with him, he chose to drink a glass of wine, which I think he only took maybe three sips of before we were all being ushered into the dining hall for the reception.

I never quite understood the science of how decorations, especially those at a wedding, could match one’s personality but walking into the room proved another testament to that. When it came to Alexis, there was a certain level of whimsy and fantasy that surrounded her, so it was not strange to find she had found a way to make fairy lights travel up the walls and across the ceiling to form a canopy over this celebration. Instead of multiple tables dotted throughout the space, she went for a few rows of tables, forcing everyone to be surrounded by the other. It was almost in a way to make everyone not feel left out or separate from other parties, to make sure everyone felt included and connected, if not for just the common thread similarity where everyone in the room had to know the couple. But even the decorations on the tables carried an element of her personality. Candles sitting in glass fixtures with more fairy lights strung through and in between them while blush pink petals decorated the surface. It was something out of a fairytale dream sequence, but it was something that surely made you think “this is her wedding.”

Spencer and I found our assigned spot on the end of the table that also made us close to the sole table that ran perpendicular to the rest of us. That table in particular was for the couple and their party and family members. And suddenly the lights over the room dimmed, and the reception was starting.

Her parents were the first to be introduced, followed by James’ parents. The wedding party entered, with the best man and maid of honour following behind. It was only then, as they were holding hands, I realised they were in fact also dating. It made me wonder how they met, how if helping each respective person of the wedding had strained either couple but ultimately, how they all came to know each other. Did they too crush over their coworker for over three years and not do a single thing about the matter in hopes to keep things professional. Did their feelings for the other consume them from inside before they could call the other theirs or were their own feelings so consuming that they were bursting at the seams, so that the other knew already. After them though, Alexis and James finally entered.

Alexis had notably changed from her altar dress to a different ensemble. Where the dress was a lovely white, the lace of the bodice almost as white as a cloud, her reception outfit appeared to have a pearl sheen to it. The skirt that flowed from the waistline notably poured from the sides and the back, the front of it cut away so you could see the fact that this ensemble offered her pants to give it a more high fashioned look. Despite the fact that she had an aura of fantasy and whimsy, it would not be Alexis if she was not also making a statement.

Their entrance had seamlessly transitioned into their first dance as a married couple. And she must have found a way to make her reality a fantasy, because watching her dance with James was like watching the princess finally get the dance with her prince in those movies I used to watch when I was a kid. The same girl who would gawk at the screen growing up was raging in me now, only wanting to experience that moment with the man both behind but beside me, our bodies turned in a way we could watch them on the dance floor. I spared one glance to him over my shoulder, and his eyes met mine, a certain sparkle in his eye contrasted the fairy lights around us as he offered me a smile. I turned away from him before the blush on my cheeks could form under the low light. It almost hurt to watch the fairytale couple on the dance floor now. Fiction had become real for them, but I was unsure if fate would be as kind to me.

At some point during the toasts from the families though, Spencer must’ve noticed my mind was somewhere else. My knee wasn’t bouncing from anxiety like earlier, but his hand found mine this time under the table. “Hey.” He whispered low to me, leaning his head closer to my ear.

“Hey.” I didn’t try to fight the smile that crept to my lips, wanting to be unapologetically me after being the mess earlier that I had been.

“Are you okay?” He was still whispering, never once showing any indication that he was going to let go of my hand.

“Yeah. Why?”

“I just-“ Our eyes met at the same time but I had quickly noticed how close we were to the other, our noses almost bumping the other. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

My cheeks moved in a way that I could feel the movement push my ears back a bit. “I’m fine thank you.”

“Okay.” I gave his hand one squeeze before he let go. As I turned back to watch the table at the center of everyone’s attention, I felt his hand on the small of my back. It was a touch that made my spine straighten out of reflex but he chose to gently rub the space there, and then he quickly withdrew his hand. “Sorry.” A small laugh escaped my lips once again.

“Spence, it's fine.” James’ father had stepped back up to the microphone, and quickly said a prayer over the food and ceremony, and the appetizers were soon carried out.

“Do you want the oranges on my salad?” Looking down at his salad, he was holding the small bowl in both hands, his nose scrunched at the sight.

“Do you not want them?”

“No. I don’t like when oranges are mixed with cheese like that. And if I brush the cheese off, I can still taste it.”

“Sure.” With his fork, he carefully raked the collection of slices into my bowl and then started eating his. “Do you want my salad?”

“What?” He asked through a mouth of food, turning his head back toward me with a raised eyebrow. “You don’t want your salad?” It was almost entertaining to watch him try to talk and eat.

“Not this one. But I do want these oranges.” It was his turn to laugh now, a smile forming once again as he nodded, turning back to this salad for another forkful.

“Yeah, just let me finish mine.” As we both worked on our variations of the salad, it was time for the Best Man and Maid of Honour speeches. Half listening, I found out that he met James when they were in college and she had met Alexis way back in middle school. Both of their speeches were heartfelt and where the Best Man made me laugh, the Maid of Honour made me want to cry at the sentiment. Then dinner was rolled out for everyone and once again, Spencer and I found ourselves bartering food trades. Instead of oranges and salad, this was time it was my side of asparagus for his side of au gratin potatoes. By the time we had cleared our plates of steak and our chosen sides, the wedding cake was being rolled out, and even that seemed like it was from a fairytale dream. Fortunately though, there was no bartering of the cake slices, Spencer and I knowing each other well enough to know that we both have a sweet tooth. If anything, we were wanting a second slice, but this was something we would deal with later.

It was not long before the dance floor was officially opened for everyone. Spencer and I lingered back, talking amongst ourselves before I spotted Alexis and James making their rounds to greet their guests. Standing from my seat, I motioned for Spencer to follow me, so that I could finally say hi to my friend. “You came!” She yelled at me as she pulled me into a hug, her eyes quickly landing on Spencer as we pulled apart. “And you have a boyfriend?”

“Alexis!” I snapped at her, turning back to check on Spencer. It didn’t even seem to phase him, his smile never leaving his lips.

“We’re coworkers.” He tried to correct her.

“We’re friends.” I was trying to amend his statement when I noticed how Alexis was looking between the two of us.

“Well, I’m sure knowing her is never a dull moment.” There was a smirk in her expression that I hadn’t seen in a while. It was the one she used to get on campus, when you told her one thing and it was something she had heard before, but her prior knowledge seemed to have more details. It was a look of knowing, knowing that to her she seemed to think she understood more than you. And she often did.

“It never is.” I didn’t need to look at him, I knew from the light undertone of a laugh in his words that he was smiling, that he was finding this exchange amusing. ”Congratulations to you guys. And the decorations are just spectacular.”

“Thank you.” While it was probably the phrase she had heard the most today, she took his congratulations like it was the first one she heard, looping her arm with James’. “And thank you both for coming. It means everything to me.” I’m not sure to what extent she knew about our jobs, other than often when she was in DC, I was not. “Okay, one last hug. Our photographer is waving us over.” She pulled me in for a hug that lasted a bit longer than I thought it would. But I soon understood why. Alexis was humming a tune only for me to hear. And I didn’t hear it clearly at first. But playing it over in my head as she pulled away, it clicked. It was I Can Hear the Bells.

“Alexis.” I groaned as she winked at me, leaning into James as they walked away.

“What is it?” Spencer was standing closer to me now, the tips of his fingers lightly bumping mine.

“She just,” I had to find the words. Everyone we met tonight had seen him as my boyfriend. And while it was a fantasy I hoped it would come true, it was something I was scared would never happen. Dating your coworkers was never advised in any profession, but I meant what I said. We were friends. Spencer and I are friends. But I wanted to be so much more. “Alexis finally got her fairytale.” And naturally when I looked up at him, the song over the dancefloor had changed. His hand slipped into mine and I ignored the way it felt, how goosebumps had rippled across my skin. It was clearly time for a slow dance on the dance floor, and I didn’t want to trust the fates this time.

“(Y/N)?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I have this dance?” I tried to force the breath through my lungs.

“Spencer.” I warned, rolling my head from shoulder to shoulder. I had never seen the look in his eyes. It was one of pleading, his eyes reigniting their sparkle from earlier but this was one was holding onto the possibility of a forever. Or maybe that was just what I wanted to believe. “I don’t… really like dancing.”

“Oh?” I watched as he tried to understand, but the hope was still there.

“I mean. It’s been a while and I don’t want to step on your feet and-“ he squeezed our hands, as if it were an unspoken reassurance.

“I don’t think you will.” My bottom lip found it’s way between my teeth as I looked to the floor where couples had taken, holding each other in close embraces. Even if I wanted that, I wasn’t sure I would allow myself to have it. I knew what this would mean for us. “Please?”

“Just… don’t take any legal actions if I do?” This laugh was gentle, his eyes closing for just a moment as a smile rose to his lips.

“Promise.” Like any scene I had seen in a movie, he walked me onto the dance floor, keeping us just on the edge so there were not many others near us. I let go of his hand to put my hands on his shoulders, his hold moving to my waist. We started in a swaying side step motion and it felt like an awkward dance posture from the 1980s. “Here, let me.” Removing one hand from my waist, he held it out to the side. “Put your hand in mine.” Trusting him, I did as he asked, trying once again to control my breathing. “And now I’m going to put my other hand on your back.” The move would naturally pull us closer together, and the breath I was trying to control earlier was forced from my lungs. My hand slipped down from his shoulder to his forearm, my focus solely on where my hands were and whether it was awkward or uncomfortable for either of us. “Is this okay?”

“I thought you didn’t like touch, like this.”

“I don’t like touching strangers.” He clarified for me, staring down at me. It was then I realised how close we were once again, our breaths fanning across the others' faces. “You’re not a stranger to me.”

“No, we’re just friends, right?”

“You’ve never been just a friend to me.” Where was an oxygen tank at this point? “I’m sorry if that’s overstepping on my part.”

“No, no.” I bit my lip before looking back up to him. “You were never just a friend to me either.” Looking at our hands, I wondered if I could get the photographer to take this picture for me. His hand carrying mine, supporting it in a way it also enveloped it. Our hands were the cliche of puzzle pieces that were always meant to be together. “I’m sorry for calling you my coworker earlier.”

“I mean it’s not entirely wrong.”

“No, it was wrong. It is wrong.” Tears had started to prick at my eyelids, but I tried to blink them back. I would not cry in front of Spencer Reid at my friend's wedding. Not today. “Spencer you’re more than that.” His smile was small but it was soft and it was there. It was as if the dance floor had vanished at this point, we were in our own moment, having our dance in the clouds.

“Can you just say it?” There was something to his words that finally made me believe. Believe in the simplistic idea that he could and would return my feelings. But the lingering fear held me back.

“Say what?” The world stopped, or maybe we did, as he held me close to him. Our bodies had never been this close and maybe it was due to the syncopating rhythms of our hearts, maybe they were finally speaking for us on the same wavelength.

He let out a breath that fell onto my skin. “I like you.”

“You do?” I asked, if only to get a form of confirmation. I didn’t want this moment to be one I had misheard, or imagined. Our big daunting forever was cracking at the seam to reveal itself to us.

“Yeah.”

“Spencer?”

“Yeah?”

“I like you too.” It was his turn to smile down at me now. His hold on me tightened if only for a moment because in the next, he kissed me. It was a quick union of our lips, a moment that I prayed would live on the surface for as long as I breathed. Neither he nor I could erase the smile that forced our cheeks higher up our faces. His forehead fell to rest against mine before I moved to rest my head on his chest, to have a chance to finally hear his heartbeat and maybe thank it for bringing us here.

“You know, I’ve never danced with a pretty girl in public before.” He whispered next to my ear, the hand on my back pulling us closer again. It was new to be there, but it felt like the one place I belonged.

“So you’ve danced with other pretty girls?”

“No one compares to you.” It was then as I pulled back to look at him, the music came to a stop. I felt his body tense, and he squeezed my hand just one more time before letting go of my frame. Spencer Reid was Prince Charming. As he stepped back, he lowered into a bow, pulling my hand to his lips to kiss the surface. “Thank you for the dance.” He lead me back over to our spot at the table as the last dance of the night for the newlyweds was called over the room. We watched from our table, but his hand found mine between us, and I tried to ignore how ticklish my palm became as he ghosted patterns with just the tip of his finger. Eventually I had to still his hand, taking hold of it in a tight squeeze, looking back at him to offer him a smile. I wondered if there would ever be a way to bottle energy, and if so, could I have the discovery just to bottle the energy radiating off of us in this moment. I should’ve been paying attention to Alexis and James, they were the new couple of the hour. But I was so lost in us.

The night came to a close once we were ushered to the parking lot where their exit vehicle waited for them. Reaching into my purse, I dug out the pouch of confetti from the beginning of the night. Spencer took it from my hands, pouring all of it into his palm. I took a pinch of the blush, gold, and olive confetti, and waited along the sidewalk with the other guests. Alexis and James emerged, hand in hand, as we all began throwing the confetti. She spared me one glance and quickly pointed between Spencer and I, flashing me a thumbs up. As I started to blush, Spencer in turn threw a pinch of the confetti into the air. I looked up at him, the moment moving in a freeze frame. Maybe I would remember this moment as well as he often remembered his life. The confetti pieces fell almost like snow and his smile was perfectly etched to lift his cheeks and show his teeth. He was looking up, the light hitting his eyes so they seemed brighter, almost as if they were in turn a precious gemstone. Spencer probably had a logical explanation for every thought I had during the duration of today. It wasn’t quite love at first sight, we were about three years too late for that. But it was definitely a lovely sight. To see Spencer. To see him removed from the office environment, to see him enjoying himself. If anything, I was mad it had taken us this long.

-

Spencer had walked me to my door that night, but as opposed to earlier he kept his hands folded in front of him, every so often reaching to play with the sleeves of his shirt now that his jacket was removed. It was slightly later in the evening than I had originally anticipated getting home. Though, I’m sure the extended routes we took to prolong our conversations had nothing to do with that fact (though maybe it had everything to do with that). It was clear neither of us were ready for today to be over, for this to become a yesterday and then a day far, distant, way behind our present on the calendar. Or at least I wasn’t ready for that. Spencer, however, would remember this day for quite a while, and while I could ask him anything about today, it wouldn’t be my own thoughts. I wanted to remember every moment a twinkle of the fairy lights caught his eye or when the smile on his face wasn’t simply enough to show the pure joy he seemed to be feeling. I wanted to remember how he looked every time he looked at me tonight, looking at me like it was first time.

“I really had fun tonight.” He finally spoke up, breaking my spiraling thoughts.

“Me too!” I had to look at my feet to formulate my thoughts. If I looked at Spencer, I probably would spend another ten minutes just staring at one another. “Thank you for going with me by the way.”

“Thank you for inviting me.”

“Goodnight Spencer.” Turning my back to Spencer, I reached into my purse, trying to find the small keyring with my apartment key. Once I had found it and entered it into the keyhole, disengaging the deadbolt, Spencer's hand was suddenly on my elbow, attempting to pull me to look back at him.

“Do you think we could do this again?” His voice was quiet now, almost as quiet as the night that surrounded us.

“What? Go to a wedding?” The idea made me smile again, what other tender moment could we have then.

“No I mean… hang out, outside of work? Just you and me?”

“Like a date?” I was watching his reaction for even the most minor sign that he would be uncomfortable at the idea. It was the age old “profilers don’t profile each other” and here I was, breaking it. But his smile never faltered.

“It doesn’t have to be. We could simply get coffee, go to the bookstore. I would even run errands with you. Just…” it was my turn to smile just at mentions of ideas now. The mental image of Spencer helping me carry groceries into my apartment was an intriguing idea, and was maybe an offer I would have to take him up on one day.

“How about we start with you calling me? And we’ll figure out the rest from there?”

“Sounds perfect.” Maybe this was just the start of our forever. I hoped in the magic of fairytales that this would our happily ever after.

-

Tell me what you think here!

#criminal minds #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid y/n #spencer reid fandom #oneshot #angst #wedding #ssahopelessly

[ssahopelessly]

Crystal Clear

Synopsis: The team is taking down an unsub near a dock and boathouse. But what happens when reader goes missing?

A/N: This piece was specifically inspired by Grey’s Anatomy (season 3, episodes 15-17). You know, the drowning plot? All of the drama, minimum medical talk.

Warnings: reader goes missing, drowning, talks of death, potential loss of a loved one, Spencer feeling nearly helpless,

Word Count: 2.3k

Masterlist

“We thought she was with you.” JJ called out over them, their heads either still looking around or looking at him.

“We thought she was with you.” JJ called out over them, their heads either still looking around or looking at him.

“We thought she was with you.” JJ called out over them, their heads either still looking around or looking at him.

“She was, but then we got seperated. Farland took off near the docks and she followed him while I went the other way.” Farland, or Elliot Farland, was the unsub of the case. A former doctor, he was responsible for lying about his credits to local hospitals and luring individuals of the staff to his boat. The boat dock would be the last known location for some of the victims. Spencer noticed Hotch looking at him skeptically, no doubt remembering the last time Spencer decided to split from his partner. “I’m sure she’s around here somewhere. I’ll just go do another sweep of the area.”

“She was, but then we got seperated. Farland took off near the docks and she followed him while I went the other way.” Farland, or Elliot Farland, was the unsub of the case. A former doctor, he was responsible for lying about his credits to local hospitals and luring individuals of the staff to his boat. The boat dock would be the last known location for some of the victims. Spencer noticed Hotch looking at him skeptically, no doubt remembering the last time Spencer decided to split from his partner. “I’m sure she’s around here somewhere. I’ll just go do another sweep of the area.”

“No, that’s a good idea. Morgan and Prentiss, you guys stay behind and help Reid. The rest of us will go back to the station and get ready to debrief with the local office.” All nodding to each other, they closed their files and handed them back to Hotch so they could get ready to do what was asked of him.

“Have you tried calling her?” Derek had piped up as he walked towards Reid.

“I tried but you know how she is. Her phone was dying on the way here, who knows if it still has a battery.” They started to make the climb back towards the boathouse, stepping over roots in the ground, careful not to slip on the wet grass.

“Well, we’ll follow behind you. I’ll try to call her.” Emily spoke up, catching up to the two of them.

“Why don’t we take the path you two took before you split up and see if she’s hanging around there.” The three agents then walked to the front of the facility where Reid walked them through the passage he had taken earlier with (Y/N). Towards the back of the factory, Reid found the pile and mess of crates Farland had thrown to try and stop them.

“From here, (Y/N) saw him go straight for the back door and she followed in pursuit.” They walked toward the back door Spencer had referred to, noticing how the bitter cold rolled into them as they exited the building. The back of the facility was right along the dock, only 10 feet of walking space if that space wasn’t filled with more storage crates. As they walked along the side, Spencer took notice of the few bullet holes that filled the concrete walls of the building. “That’s weird.” He had remarked, mainly to himself.

“Spencer.” Derek had called to him, his eyes caught on something on the ground. Looking to where he had been focused, Spencer saw the familiar gun laying on the wooden dock.

“That’s (Y/N)’s gun.” Spencer crouched down to get a closer look at it, trying to think of why she would have left her weapon behind.

“So where’s (Y/N)?”

“Guys!” Emily had called over them, looking out over the water. When both boys had looked over, she raised a hand to point out at something. With his poor eyesight, it took him a few seconds to really focus on what she was seeing.

“What is it?” Spencer was trying to squint the best he could to see what she could have possibly seen. But the water was glass. And there was a fog that was still lingering on the surface of the water.

“Shit.” Just as his brain was connecting the dots, Derek had tore his vest off and dove into the water, splashing some back up onto the dock. Spencer felt paralysed as he watched him swim out to her, his brain already running the possibilities of what could have happened and what could happen.

“Is she okay?” Emily called out to him as they both watched the agent reach their friend. Pulling her head out from the water, he was clearly trying to talk to her, brushing her wet hair from her face.

“Call Hotch!” Derek yelled back to them, holding onto her vest as he tried to swim back to the dock with her. Spencer was at the side of the dock, leaning over to where he almost fell in, trying to help pull her onto the dry ground. She was colder than he thought possible, her skin feeling like she had been in an ice bath, the rosyness of her cheeks traded for a pale tone. “She doesn’t have a pulse.” Derek finally breathed out after he pulled himself back onto the dock, his entire form completely soaked. Spencer’s fingers worked fast at unfastening her vest so he could get to her chest. He didn’t know how he was doing half of it, feeling his entire body tremor at his worst thoughts. “Spence. She’s-“

“She’s not dead.” He bit back, starting CPR on (Y/N) as the other two watched. “There have been cases where-” while his brain was thinking for logical answers, he tried to catch his breath while he started compressions on her chest. He remembered every study, every lesson, everything. In this moment, he needed to keep a steady rhythm but also be cautious of the pressure he was throwing behind each beat. “There have been cases where an individual can be hypothermic and still live, pulse or no pulse. It happens.”

“Spencer, we don’t know how long she was-”

“It doesn't matter.” He was trying not to let his voice slip, not to show his emotions. He couldn’t save her if he was too busy crying over her. “Whether it was 5 minutes or 5 seconds. We’re going to save her.” He kept up with the compressions, counting under his breath, sparing a glance to the other two as they watched him. “Why are you giving up on her? She’s not a past tense. She’s present tense and she’s right here and- why aren’t you saving her?” His voice finally broke and it was a cry of a plea as he looked frantically between the two before back to focusing on his rhythm.

“Spencer, we’re not giving up.” Derek knelt beside him, nudging his shoulder. “Let me take over.”

“No-“

“Spencer, we need you to think of ways to save her. Let me.” Spencer’s eyes flashed between Derek, their hands, and her face. Her lips were parted like she was sleeping but even then, a muscle would twitch. And right now, without him beating her chest, she would lay completely still, no twitch of a muscle anywhere. “Okay. So we get her heart beating. What else needs to happen?”

“She- uh, her body temperature. Her body has to reach the upper 90s.” Spencer hadn’t noticed at the time, but his hands were holding onto hers, squeezing it as if she would squeeze back. He hoped, almost prayed that she would.

-

The whole team was at the hospital now, sitting amongst each other while they waited for anything from the doctor. Spencer, however, was in a chair in a corner of the room, notebook against his leg as he wrote out the possibilities. He was not a medical doctor but that wouldn’t stop him from thinking of every way to save her. “How are you holding up?” Looking up, he noticed Derek had changed clothes and was now standing in front of him instead of sitting with the team.

“I’m here.” Nodding, he took the spot next to him. “Derek, if you don’t mind- I actually want to be alone right now.”

“And I don’t want you to be alone.” Closing his notebook, Spencer started stuffing his things back into his bag, as if he were about to change seats. “Listen, we don’t have to talk, we can just sit here. But I need to know we’ll have both of you at the end of this.”

“Both of us?” Spencer whispered out, keeping his head low so no one could see the anguish and defeat in his eyes.

“Yeah kid. You and her, you’re a package deal. We can’t go back to Quantico without the other half.”

“Is there a Dr. Reid out here?” Their heads looked over to the nurse standing at the other end of the hospital. Derek bumped his elbow into Spencer, trying to jolt him into action. Pushing himself out of his chair, Spencer walked towards the awaiting nurse.

“Yes! Hi- hello, it’s me. I’m uh- I’m Dr. Reid.”

“We were able to get her body temperature up but not where it needs to be. There’s also no cardiac rhythm. Dr. Reid, we need to know, how far do-“

“I want every measure. Any and everything you can think of to save her. And if you can’t think of anything. Tell me. Because I already have a list of treatments.”

“Are you a medical doctor?”

“No. But I’m expecting you to do everything to save her. Because if you come out here to tell me that-“ he could barely get the words out. “You can’t lose her.”

“Yes doctor.” The nurse offered him a nod before dipping back into the medical staff only doors. With the nurse gone, Spencer could feel everyone’s eyes on him suddenly, feeling the air draining from his lungs.

“I’m uh- I’m going to go step outside.” The team watched him as he dipped out of the lobby, walking towards the parking garage. He had swiped the keys from Emily when she wasn’t looking. He wasn’t going to leave the hospital, not without knowing she was okay. But he knew no one would bother him, or at least they wouldn’t think to look into the cars. Climbing into the backseat, he spotted the familiar black sweater, bawled up in the middle of the leather seats. Holding the fabric in his hands, he held it close to himself and took in a deep breath, trying to find a way to relax. With the inhale, he caught a whiff of her, a mix of her perfume and shampoo lingering in the fabric that created the piece. He finally started to cry at the thought of her, after every emotion he had tried to ignore from today. It had started like every other morning.

They woke up in the dingy hotel room, made their cups of coffee and tea and left to meet the team at the station. Garcia had found a lead on the unsubs location and Hotch sent Spencer and (Y/N) to be the first ones to check it out. Splitting up felt like his fault, of all people he knew better, but even though he remembered it as her idea, he would blame himself for eternity for that one moment that changed everything. It was one thing for him to remember nearly everything, but he couldn’t live with just the memory of her. He needed to hear her voice just one last time. One last jab at his fashion or one last remark about how tired she was. He wanted one last laugh, one last hug. Spencer wasn’t sure what but he knew he would give anything if it meant he could get one last look into her eyes, one last chance to tell her how he felt though she knew. On a list of lasts, he needed her to hear one last apology, one last I love you.

“Spencer?” It was JJ, having knocked on the vehicle windows. “Emily noticed the keys were gone and they sent me to check on you.”

“I’m fine.” He began wiping away at the tears that had found a home on the surface of his cheeks.

“Spence.” It was her sympathetic Mom voice. He only heard her use it so many times whether with Henry or with the victims, but he very rarely found himself on the receiving end of it.

“I can’t lose her JJ. I can’t- I can’t be in this world without her. And it sounds silly and cheesy but if I think of a life without her, I won't be able to breathe.”

“If anyone could beat the odds, it’s (Y/N). I know you’re scared but we have to believe she will be okay.” JJ’s phone ringing beside her tore them from the pit of despair they were diving into. Taking it from her pocket, she checked the caller id before answering. “This is JJ. Yeah? Okay, we’re on our way.” Holding the phone in her hand, she looked back to Spencer, hoping to make eye contact with him again. “Spence? That was Hotch. They’re asking for you.”

“So we have to go?”

“Yeah.” She watched as he folded the sweater in his hands, slipping it into his bag before he reached for the door handle to unlock his side. Pausing, he looked back over to her.

“Well are you coming?” A small laugh slipped past her lips as they both opened their doors to the backseat, leaving to reenter the hospital.

-

When they found their way back into the waiting room they had left everyone in, no one seemed to notice, heads still hung low from both worry and exhaustion. Walking up to Derek, he put his bag down next to his friend. “Derek? What’s going on?” His head lifted up to look at him, leaning back into the seat.

“The nurse was asking for you.” Spencer looked around the waiting room, noticing there was no nurse in sight. It was just his team and a few other parties waiting for their family and friends.

“Do you know where-“

“Is Dr. Reid in the room?” He turned around to see a nurse had entered the space. Walking over to her, Spencer recognized it was the first nurse he had talked to.

“Hello. I’m Dr. Reid.” A smile spread over her lips as she tucked a clipboard under her arm.

“Hi. (Y/N)’s asking for you.”

Tell me what you think here!

Part II can be found here.

#criminal minds #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #oneshot #spencer reid fandom #derek morgan #emily prentiss #aaron hotchner #jennifer jareau #angst #ssahopelessly

[ssahopelessly]

The Found Part of Lost

Synopsis: When on the way back to the station, you and Spencer find a friend on the side of the road.

A/N: another “this was supposed to be a drabble” oneshot. Very soft, very cute. I tried my best but it feels rushed and it’s missing a certain sense of something.

Warnings: discussions of Star Trek, reader driving, lost puppy, Spencer driving

Word Count: 1k

Masterlist

“I’m just saying that if Spock and Captain Kirk were in love, one of them would’ve said so.” I rolled my eyes at Spencer. He was unwilling to see the signs I clearly saw between two characters.

“Spencer- when Future Spock meets Kirk in JJ Abrams 2009 Star Trek, before he even says ‘I am Spock’ he says ‘I have been, and always shall be, your friend.’! That sounds like marriage vows!” From the edge of my peripheral vision, I could see Spencer roll his eyes at me now. This would be something we would just continue to argue back and forth about. It was friendly banter though, considering our line of work and the stakes of our everyday lives.

Currently, we were driving back to the local station after visiting the first location they had found a body in this case, and Spencer needed to check something that didn’t show in any of the photos taken by the CSI Unit photographer. We were on some back road, nothing but trees in our view, a few houses tucked in the middle of them. The two lane road was mostly empty, except for the occasional car that would brake in front of us to turn into a driveway. It was still early evening though, a cool breeze blowing in through the window as we continued down the road. But the further we went, I noticed something running along the edge of the pavement where it met the dirt and grass on the side. “Oh no!” I cooed out, pulling the SUV over, immediately turning on the hazards as I cut the engine.

“What are you doing?” Spencer started sitting up in his seat, simultaneously unfastening his seatbelt.

“Do you not see it?” I was exiting the vehicle now, Spencer also exiting from his side. A few feet ahead of us, was a puppy sniffing and walking alongside the road. “Hey buddy.” My voice dropped a bit as I lowered down to the ground, trying to get the puppy’s attention. It looked back at us, stopping in its steps as I got closer. Slowing down, I went into a squat, holding my hand out for it. “Hey, where’s your home?”

“I don’t think-“ Looking over my shoulder, I tried to hush Spencer as the puppy slowly approached me. It stopped in front of me as I held my hand towards its nose. It was sniffing the surface before lowering its head a bit more. Testing the boundary, I started to pet its head, brushing the fur back as it eased into my touch. “What if it has a disease?” Spencer was worrying behind me, trying to look over my shoulder at the interaction.

“It’s a baby Spencer.” With both hands, I went to pick up the puppy, quickly holding it to my chest. “Do you think Hotch will let us-“

“Us?!” I was caught in the puppy dog, doe eye stare. It was so helpless, triggering the nerve in me that wanted to take care of such a small thing. Walking past him, I made my way towards the back of the SUV.

“Spencer, I need you to drive back to the station.”

“Me?!”

“Yes Spencer, you!” In the trunk, I found a discarded box for it to ride in along with a towel that I could use to line the interior of the box. Taking the passenger seat, I navigated buckling my seatbelt with the box in my lap, the puppy looking over the sides to assess its surroundings. Spencer watched me from the driver's seat now, shaking his head as he started the car. “What?”

“Hotch isn’t going to let you take him on the jet.” Picking him up from the box, I confirmed whether it was a boy or a girl before looking back to Spencer, trying to put on my best puppy eyes in return.

“Why not?” I began to pout, running my hand over the back of his head as he shook with anxiety in the box. “What should we name him?”

Putting the car back in drive, we continued driving towards the station again. “Because a FBI jet is no place for a puppy and besides, he’s probably lost from around here. You would have to get a vet assessment before you leave, we should just drop it off at a shelter.” Ignoring the many facts he was bringing up, I looked back to the puppy in my lap.

“I think we should name him Spock.” I was picturing it now, taking the little guy home to my apartment back in D.C. How fun it would be to have a little fur baby running around the house.

“Okay, you’re not naming him after a half human, half vulcan.” He was trying to reason with me now despite insisting he needed to go to a shelter.

“What about Jim?” I voiced, thinking it was ironic that Captain Kirk often wore the yellow uniform while this puppy had golden fur. Things were only clicking into sense in my head.

“A dog named Jim?”

“After James Tiberius Kirk-“

“I know the connection but- Hotch isn’t going to let you keep this puppy, I’m sorry.”

Spencer was in fact wrong. When we returned to the station, Hotch did immediately just look at the two of us and the golden fur wrapped in the towel. It was a quick “no,” but as I explained the story, he started to soften ever so slightly under the stern exterior he often tried to exude. We reached a deal in that we would contact the local shelter and veterinarian, give a description of the dog and where we found him. When all work at the station had been wrapped up, Spencer and I would take him to the vet so they could scan for a chip in hopes of finding the owner.

The case closed after three days and on our way to the jet, we picked up the first puppy to board the BAU jet, a welcomed passenger on our way back to Quantico. When a quiet atmosphere took over the cabin of the jet, I couldn’t help but notice how Jim had curled up at Spencer’s feet, both asleep. I smug smirk moved over my lips and I tried to fight off the pride it was giving me, the sense of knowing better. “Don’t let this be a repeating occurrence.” Hotch spoke beside me, looking over another case file in this lap.

“It won’t. I promise.” Silence settled over us again.

“You really named the little guy Jim?” I nodded, meeting his gaze when I looked back over to him. “I’m guessing after Captain Kirk.”

“The best Jim.” A laugh escaped with his exhale, a smile moving over his lips now.

Tell me what you think here!

#criminal minds #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid fandom #oneshot #aaron hotchner #ssahopelessly

[ssahopelessly]

Masterlist

Hello! Thank you for being here. Below you will find series, oneshots, drabbles, and prompts. I hope you enjoy your reading! 🤍

Series

Fragile State: [W. I. P.] They used to be childhood best friends. Keywords: used to be. Several years down the line, can these two find their way back to the other, taking into account everything that has happened in their lives?

Teaser

Part 1

Oneshots

Broken Mirror [A few weeks after he is released from prison, Spencer's insecurities rise to the surface, causing a fight. The fight pushes the reader to go to Luke's house, where he suddenly finds himself playing couples counselor.]

Crystal Clear [The team is taking down an unsub near a dock and boathouse. But what happens when reader goes missing?]

Fluorescent Feelings [Sequel to Crystal Clear. Reader wakes up in the hospital and Spencer is there to help take care of her.]

So, a Wedding [She had the invitation for nearly three months, but that doesn't mean she would've taken the time to find a proper date. So instead, two weeks before the wedding, she has to ask the only coworker she can think of to attend her friends wedding.]

Or Something. [Spencer Reid doesn’t call out. Ever. A personal day is a foreign concept to him. So how does reader react when he takes a sick day?]

The Found Part of Lost [Spencer and reader find a lost puppy on the side of the road.]

Pushed Back [Reader has a fear of Spencer’s forehead and it finally comes out.]

The Right Call [Drunk calls and broken hearts can only do so much.]

Quiet Storm [With no warning signs, Reader is pushed into an emotional breakdown. Thankfully, Spencer knows how to weather the storm.]

Sick Leave [Reader shows up to work sick and Spencer has several things to say about it.]

Sleepy Sunshine [The sun makes Characters sleepy, so they take a nap.]

Gift Exchange

Home for Christmas

Oneshot Compilation

Sweet Emotion: [ON HOLD] A collection of oneshots wherein Spencer Reid is a crier, but it’s a good cry.

Drabbles

Deck the Halls, or Not

New Years

HotchReader and Spencer

Silent Treatment

Stay Alive

Pinterest Prompts

“I don’t want your apology.”

✨✨✨In no capacity do I give anyone consent to reproduce or republish my works on any other site or medium without my knowing. ✨✨✨

#criminal minds #spencer reid #ssahopelessly #angst #content #fanfic #imagine #masterlist #oneshot #series #y/n #reader

[ssahopelessly]

Fluorescent Feelings

Sequel to Crystal Clear

Synopsis: When reader wakes up, Spencer feels like the luckiest guy alive. This is the story of the hours after, and maybe a glimpse into their forever.

A/N: I guess I’m in my “this was supposed to be shorter” era but here you are. This is the Part II piece to Crystal Clear. Where that one is more angsty, this is hopefully more fluffy for you guys. I hadn’t originally planned a part II but there was always room for it. Enjoy!

Warnings: hospitals, questions about the accident, Spencer lying (for good reason), couple dynamics, mentions of the cost of the job (profiling), talks of losing a loved one, medical staff, eating, workplace gossip, walks in the park {let me know any I missed}

Word Count: 5k

Masterlist / Crystal Clear

Spencer had been in hospital rooms before. It was more than familiar in his line of work. But they were rarely the room of a team member. Or worse, they were even more rarely the room of (Y/N). But hospital rooms were still hospital rooms. They were almost always overly white, overly sanitised, and almost sometimes too bright for Spencer’s preference. When he entered her room though, none of that mattered. All that mattered in the moment was the fact that despite what his most recent memories were, her eyes were once again staring back at him. A small smile formed to her lips as he found his spot next to her bedside.

“Hi.”

“Hi.” A small smile was starting to push at the corners of her lips, but she didn’t have the energy to sustain it. Maybe that was why her voice was also in a whisper.

“Do you know who you are?” A small nod of her head. “Do you know who I am?”

“You’re Spencer Reid.” Even in her low whisper, he loved the way his name sounded as it rolled from her lips. This time he loved it even more, because the fact that she knew it, that she could say it, was just proof that she was alive.

“Do you know what’s happened to you?” Eyes averting his stare now, she nodded her head with a focus toward her feet but concentration in the distance. “We don’t have to talk about it now. Okay? You need to rest.” With slight hesitation, he reached his hand towards her. Slowly, she rotated her wrist for him, holding an open hand toward him. Their fingers slipped into place with the other, and while it was meant to be the one normal moment, Spencer again noticed how cold she was. Maybe it was the cold air of the hospital, but the lacking warmth of her hand reminded him ever presently why they were here. Looking back up to her face, her eyes had slipped closed. Standing from his seat, he leaned over her, placing a kiss to her forehead. Running a hand over her hair, her eyes opened once more, staring up at him. The smile returned as her vision focused on him. “I’m going to go update the team. Let them know you’re okay.” She gently nodded, closing her eyes once more in a content fashion. “We’ll be back in the morning. Okay?”

“Stay with me?” She said it all at once in an exhale.

“What?”

“Spencer, please?” He wouldn’t make her beg. It was a simple request, and who was he to deny her of that? They would surely let him stay right? And if they didn’t, surely he could think of some technicality.

“Okay. I’ll be right back then. But you should sleep if you need to.”

“I’ll wait for you.” Spencer pressed one more kiss to her forehead, pulling back to see she had closed her eyes again. It all caused him to smile. Because he had gotten her back. She was frail but she was alive. That’s all that mattered in the moment.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” He had to leave her side before his heart combusted. Spencer was getting what he wanted, but the road of recovery was still in front of them.

When he re-entered the waiting area, Emily was out of her seat, crossing to him. “How is she?” Her hands were holding the other and if he looked closely, he would notice how she had been picking at her cuticles again.

“She’s awake.” A smile of fond admiration grew on his lips as he met her eyes. “She’s tired and needs her rest, but she’s awake.” Hotch was soon walking up to them, a few layers of stress having lifted from his shoulders. Emily was beaming, relieved their friend was once again breathing and with them.

“That’s great!” She put her hand on his shoulder, wanting to pull him into a hug but also wanting to give him his space. “I’ll go tell the others.” As she walked away, Hotch moved to stand more in front of Spencer.

“I’m going to stay with her for the night.” Spencer finally verbalised. He could feel his low energy start to hit him, making him crave for a few hours the potential of sleeping.

“Okay. I’ll come by in the morning and we can look at paperwork then.”

“No, you have a case to close.” He also didn’t want paperwork already being thrown at her while she was just entering recovery. “I can watch her. I’ll talk to her doctor tomorrow and call you after.”

“Alright.” There was a smile lingering on his face as he looked at Spencer. “I’m really… happy for you, Spencer.”

“Happy?”

“Yeah. Happy you found her, happy this is a better ending for you both.” Spencer pressed his lips together in a smile, looking behind Hotch to see how the team reacted to the news Emily was just telling them. JJ was hugging onto Emily while Derek was holding Penelope under his arm, kissing the top of her head. He had never thought much about the word. If anything, ‘happy’ only brought with it thoughts of ‘unattainable’ but, maybe this is the exception. Maybe happiness was within his reach.

-

Spencer re entered her room at the end of the hall after saying bye to the team. It was already dark and several hours into the night as he started to get settled on the couch provided in her room, a singular lamp in the corner illuminating the space besides the light that flooded in from the hall. Derek had handed Spencer his messenger bag from the lobby before they left, having hope that the book he was reading before the events of the day was still inside. But just as he got settled, book in his hands, crisp pages of text under his fingers, there was a knock at the door frame. “Hello?” He called out to them, another nurse in scrubs entering the room.

“Hello sir. I do have to inform you that visitor hours are up for the evening.”

“Oh-“ he looked to her in the bed, then the Patient Communication Board towards the foot of her bed, in view of everyone in the room. He was looking to see if there was any indication that the medical staff knew she was an agent, seeing what he had to work with in making his excuse. But there wasn’t anything on the board that would signify she was an SSA, it was only her basic medical information. So this gave him a blank canvas to create his answer. “I’m SSA Dr. Reid. I work with (Y/N) in the FBI and it’s protocol that another agent stays with a hospitalised agent during an ongoing investigation.” He watched how her eyes squinted as she then checked the board, looking at him and a sleeping (Y/N) in bed, then back at him.

“Okay. Just… don’t be a problem for us, alright?”

With a nod of his head, he tried to suppress the laugh that was catching in his throat. “I’ll try my best.”

“I’m just checking her vitals and then I will be on my way.” Spencer tried to return to reading his book while she did that. But he watched as she picked up an in room tablet, logging into their database and started entering the values she found on the monitors at her bedside. After several minutes, she locked the device, putting it back on the wall where it was before. “Everything looks good. I’ll see you in a few hours.” This time on her way out, Spencer heard the door click to a close in the door frame, silence falling over the room. Turning the page over in his book, he tried his best to stay as quiet as possible, wanting to allow her to rest at all costs.

“Spencer?” Looking up from the pages, he watched the only source it could’ve come from. “Spencer.” She continued to call out. Getting up from the sofa, he quickly placed his hand into hers, sitting at her bedside now.

“I’m right here.” A smile pulled at her lips as she relaxed into the bed. Slowly her eyes opened, looking him over before the smile affected the corner of her eyes.

“So… you’re lying to medical staff now?” Squeezing her hand, he brought his other hand up to envelope hers between his.

“You heard that?”

“I’m hoping God didn’t hear that. What would Hotch say?”

“I think he would understand.”

“No. Remember when Jordan lied to a victim’s family.”

“Technicalities.”

“What did Hotch say? When you left?”

“He wants to come by in the morning but I told him we’ll speak to your doctor then and call him after. But we won’t be able to keep the whole team away.”

“You’re right.” Her head dipped further into the pillow, fingers squeezing him just a bit tighter.

“But have any doctors come by at all?”

“Of course. They keep wanting to talk about my miracle but…” There was nothing to indicate she was pulling away from him. She was very much there, present and in front of him. But there in her eyes was a flash of something, and for once Spencer didn’t know how to read it. In the silence, he waited for her to finish her sentence but there was nothing that followed.

“What is it?” More silence. His eyes stayed focused on her, if not looking for a moment where his hands held hers and then back to her eyes.

“I just… I guess I don’t feel like a miracle.”

“What do you mean?”

“I heard them say something about warm and dead. As in, they couldn’t call time of death until my body was at the average human temperature and I had no pulse.” It was like his lungs were a balloon, his throat the opening in which air is pushed through to inflate. But this time, the opening had been twisted shut, a once involuntary muscle movement now requiring thought. “I don’t know what happened to me.”

“What do you remember?”

“I remember you, and I remember the dock. I remember gunshots. I remember the water and thinking ‘it’s just water. You can swim, you love to swim,’ and then I remember how cold it was, how heavy the kevlar felt. And then I remember you again.”

“Again?”

“I thought I would see my life flash in my mind but… all I could think about was the life with you I wouldn’t get.” Instinctively he reached a hand to her cheekbone, catching a tear on the back of his finger, brushing it into the bed linens.

“We already have a life.”

“Spencer, we have this life. But I want a life with you.” There was not a singular sentence Spencer could string together in the moment. They had spent many nights, sneaking into each other's hotel rooms while on cases, just to have a few hours together to take a break from the case they were on. And in those moments, the time away from the team, just the two of them, they would talk without thought. And often recently, what they would want from their lives outside of the BAU. Surprisingly, they were both keen to keep the other in the picture. The ideals of the future seemed to shift every time they had this conversation, but it was always them against the world. So he decided to speak without thinking this time because he had at least some concept of what he wanted to tell her.

“With this job, you become accustomed to almost accepting that you will lose the people you care about. It happens almost too often but, I thought I knew how I would react.” He was trying to catch the break in his voice before it became audible. “I- I never prepared myself to lose you.” The pain he had felt earlier in the day started to rise to the surface and this time, without her hand between his, he was almost certain it would take him down this time. But she was there, his anchor in every sense of the word, and he remembered what Hotch had said. He too was happy now, happy that this was the ending to this moment. “When we pulled you from the water… and-“ quickly looking at her eyes, Spencer tried to gauge if this was at all becoming too much for her. But her eyes stared back into his, intent to encourage him so he may continue. “And you didn’t have a pulse, I wanted to trade places with you.” There were tears now, present in both of their eyes, lining the bottom of her eyes as they moved down the sides of his face, his voice finally breaking. “I would’ve given them the breath in my lungs to bring you back. I mean- I tried. I tried mouth resuscitation but studies actually show that mouth resuscitation isn’t as vital as chest compressions are in times of medical emergencies and-“

“Spencer.” Her other hand that hadn’t been part of the original hold was now on top of his hand, the softest smile on her lips.

“Right. Sorry.” Breaking the eye contact, he swallowed down the rest of the explanation that had formed in his head, trying to find the train of thought carrying the words he wanted to say to her now. “I love you. And I was so afraid we wouldn’t get you back. But we did- I did. And for that you are a miracle. Please, don’t ever think otherwise.” Their heads drifted together, resting their foreheads against the other as they took in one another's presence. After everything that happened to them in the last 24 hours, Spencer and Aaron were right. This was the better ending. Considerably so, everything could only go up from here.

-

Spencer wasn’t sure what woke him up that morning. Maybe it was the nurse checking vitals again (to which he thought they seriously don’t have a way to remote check her vitals and if not, maybe this was something he could get Penelope to help him work on) or maybe it was the way left side of his neck hurt (he had never moved back to the couch which would’ve offered better cushioning and actually had a pillow and blanket on), or maybe… it was the smell of breakfast being served next to him. “Good morning Dr. Reid,” the original nurse from the waiting room yesterday greeted him. He was happy to see another familiar face and he made a mental note to send her a note later on, thanking her for being so patient with him during the time (Y/N) was in the O.R. “Her doctors ordered her breakfast to check the digestive tract and bowel movements, all things considered. Can I place an order for you?” Trying to blink the sleep from his eyes, he involuntarily stretched his legs in front of him, almost slipping out of the chair.

“Uhm, I’ll go to the cafeteria on my own later. Thank you though.”

“It’s no problem. Please let me know if there is anything I can get the two of you at any time at all.”

“Actually, have you heard when her doctor will be by?”

“She’s on the list of rounds to be completed later in the morning. I’ll see if I can find you a more precise time though.”

“Thank you again.” They shared one more quick smile before she dipped out into the hall. Looking at the tray set beside her bed, his interest was piqued by what they would’ve considered a better breakfast for her. Through the steam that had gathered along the plastic lid, he was not very surprised to see what looked like pancakes and scrambled eggs, paired with some fruit and a small bottle of milk.

“Breakfast?” She murmured out, trying to sit up with her elbows.

“Hey hey hey, stop. Let me lift the bed for you.” Blinking the sleep away, she then kept her eyes closed as Spencer pressed the button on the side of her bed that brought the top half of her bed up for her. He then pushed the dining tray over her bed, starting to remove the plastic ware from its sleeve. “But good morning to you too.”

“Good morning.” He should’ve known better as she immediately reached for the bottle of milk. With all the mornings spent together in consideration, Spencer knew she would often skip out on actual food in the morning. “Did you order this?”

“No. Your care team.” Fingers dancing along the rim of the plastic container holding the pancakes, he tried to ignore how with the smell of the pancakes, he was starting to grow hungry. “Given the accident, they want to make sure you can handle food properly.”

“Did you tell them I don’t like scrambled eggs?”

“If they had asked I would.” Setting the bottle on the tray, Spencer shook his head as he noticed she had finished nearly half of the milk by now. “Do you want me to cut your pancakes for you?”

“Why would you do that?”

“Because I didn’t know if you would want that or to eat them with your hands like you eat slices of bread.” Her lips twisted to the side as she stared down the flat circles, almost like she was biting her cheeks from the inside with her nose scrunched. “What is it?”

“If you cut them,” her eyes found his, eyebrows raised. Her pleading doe eyed look. “Will you feed them to me?” Head falling back, he laughed with her now.

“Let me call the neurologists.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re clearly delusional!” There was a certain blush rising to her cheeks now as her head lowered. “But yes, I would be happy to.” At the foot of the bed, her feet wiggled under the blankets, a sign she was happy to be getting her way. Laying back in the bed, she opened her mouth, giddy while she waited for the first serving of pancakes. “Only because I love you.” Feeding the fork into her mouth, her lips sealed around the plastic. He drew the prongs back, giving her space to chew. He wanted to roll his eyes, it was such a ridiculous thing. But he loved her. And seeing her this happy this early in the morning for something so simple made him almost nearly forget what had just happened to them. That was until his phone started ringing from his chair. Setting the fork on the pancake dish, he looked to the caller id. ‘Derek Morgan’ it read to him. “It’s Derek. Is it okay if I take this?”

“Please do. I don’t need the team conspiring about us.”

“They will anyway. That’s what they always do.” Her hand moved out from under the blankets, reaching for the fork. “Are you okay to serve yourself?”

“Yes Spencer. It’s not as much fun as getting you to do it but I can still do this.” He didn’t fight the smile of fondness that moved his lips. A hand on her shoulder, he placed a kiss to her head before going into the hall with his phone in hand.

“Hey Morgan.”

“Hey lover boy. What room is (Y/N)?”

“Why?” Looking at the watch on his left wrist, he tried to think of how much sleep Derek could’ve gotten last night if they didn’t leave until nearly midnight and it was now close to 7am. And Derek Morgan was not a morning person, by any means, ever.

“Because Hotch sent Penelope and I to check on you two while they start the closing paperwork.” Glancing over at the room number posted outside of her room, Spencer actually debated giving him the wrong room number. ‘212? Oh, I meant 454.’ “Hello?” Derek’s voice grabbed his attention once more.

“How far out are you?” If they were less than ten minutes, wrong room number method. More than ten minutes, correct room number.

There was a conversation in the background of the phone call before Derek’s voice rose back to the surface. “We’re parking.” Shit.

“She’s room 1816.” Spencer knew too well once Derek had entered the building, he would quickly see through his lies. The floors stopped at 7. So maybe he would misconstrue the number for the first floor. It would still give (Y/N) enough time to finish her breakfast.

“Okay. See you two in a bit.” ‘Yeah, a bit’ Spencer thought to himself. The line soon went silent and his steps back into her room more like strides.

“What did he want?”

“Hotch sent him and Penelope to check on us.” Under her stare, he noticed how her eyes squinted.

“And?” She asked, hoping he would elaborate further.

“And?”

“I know your tell.” She defended. Spencer had nearly forgotten how perceptive she was. “What else?”

“I told them the wrong room number.”

Her eyebrows raised again, this time just at the gull he has to lie to of all people Derek Morgan. “Spencer!”

“I wanted to make sure you were able to eat all of your breakfast!” The defense could’ve arguably been better but it was true. She was recovering and Spencer wanted to do everything in his power to ensure she was able to do so.

“Well I’m almost done anyway.” Motioning to her tray, he noticed how she had even started stacking some of the dishes inside the other. “Derek and Penelope? You realise you’re only fanning the fire!”

“What fire?”

“The gossip fire. You know those two are always gossiping back and forth.”

“Honestly, I don’t think I care.” He was sitting now, taking her hand back into his.

“What?”

“I- if they know about us… I don’t think I care anymore.” His body couldn’t help but relax into the chair, hoping time could pause and maybe they could get more sleep without the previous wake up call.

“What are you saying?” Her lower lip had found its way back into her mouth, staring at him through her lashes.

“I’m nearly tired of hiding what we are.” An exhale was released as goosebumps ran over her spine. “And besides, I think they know after yesterday.” She was quiet now, mouth twisted once again in the way it did when she was thinking.

��I don’t think you realise how much paperwork and protocol you’re going to get us into.” Squeezing his hand in a reassuring manner, the twisted lips were now replaced with a content smile, one of his favourite looks on her.

-

Derek and Penelope could only afford to visit for maybe an hour, Hotch calling them back to the local station so they could finish filling out their part of the paperwork. Spencer and (Y/N) made sure to keep their tender lingering touches and stares to a minimum, if only not to fan the flame as she had said earlier. By the time they left though, the doctor came by to speak with (Y/N) about her recovery and what to expect. It was the whole team of doctors, each a head of their own department that had stepped in to offer advice on her case, that she would be discharged sometime this afternoon into the early evening. Spencer held her hand the whole time that time, leaving the doctor confused if they were actually together or just really close coworkers. Before he could leave, they had asked about the possibility of being able to take her out in a wheelchair to the park on the side of the hospital, just so she could get some fresh air. Arrangements were made and with a monitor attached to the back of the wheelchair, she and Spencer were soon in the elevator traveling to the ground floor.

There were many things different in the last 24 hours, but they were things she was happy to see. The once cloudy sky was now a crystal clear blue. There was a gentle breeze in the air, rustling the branches of the trees as Spencer pushed her chair along the path they covered. For a hospital park there were more families than she expected, parents letting their kids run some energy off, kids who probably didn’t know the other chasing each other in games of tag. The air was laced with a certain musk that seemed to be coming from the mulch around them. “Why don’t we ever go on walks?” She finally asked out to Spencer, looking up at him from where she sat in front of him.

“Because I’m allergic to something in the air in the parks near my apartment, and you hate the park near your apartment.” It was such a matter of fact statement she didn’t even question it. Because it was true. Any time they had tried to walk the park near his apartment, they always came back to his apartment looking for a decongestant. And the few times they had tried to walk the park near her apartment, something set her off and they quickly made their way back to her place. “Also, we’re never home. By the time we can think of leaving our apartments, there’s a case.”

“We could go find a park though.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, somewhere where you won’t get all stuffy and a place that’s as tranquil as this is now.” His grip tightened on the handles that traveled up the back of her chair. He wanted so much to have these moments with her and now that he was finally getting them it felt almost unreal, like this park had been its own dream. Surely the park was a dreamscape. The way the light filtered through the trees and illuminated the ground below them defied some level of logic and science. And the families around them were almost too at ease for the tragedies that waited for them back inside the hospital walls. “Spencer, can you pull over to the bench up there.” Another dream element. The bench in reference was currently shrouded in sunlight, and for a moment he wanted to refuse, simply for just how hot it may be to sit in such direct sun exposure. But was Spencer ready to deny her request? Pulling her chair off to the side of the pavement, he parked it to the left so he could sit on her right. Her hand, which had no wires wrapping around it now, immediately held out for him to take once he was seated next to her. Holding onto each other, they settled into the peace of the moment, trying to forget the circumstances that brought them here.

“How are you feeling?” It was a low whisper, as if any louder may disturb the peaceful atmosphere and make the dream retreat in on itself. Looking over to her, he saw how her eyes were focused on the space ahead of her, sitting nearly as still as a statue. “(Y/N)?” With a shake of her head, she looked back over to him, smiling once more. A small hum carried out from her sealed lips but she squeezed his hand once again. “I asked, how are you feeling?” Her eyes fixated on a piece of the sidewalk near the other end of the bench, lips pursed in a way like she was thinking.

“Calm, at peace.” Their eyes met once more. “In love,” there was playfulness to her words, a smile pulling at the corners of her lips now.

“In love?” All she offered was a simple nod of her head as she squeezed his hand again, bringing their hold up to her lips to kiss the surface of his hand.

“I love you, Spencer Reid.”

“I love you (Y/N) (Y/L/N).” With a quick kiss to the others lips, she rested her head on his shoulder, staring at the serene scene in front of them.

“Thank you for finding me.” His body stiffened for a moment at the memory of yesterday. He hadn’t found her. Spencer had noticed she was missing but he didn’t find her.

“Wait, I didn’t-“ His mind was racing to correct the narrative, a perfect recall of yesterday’s events rising to the surface.

“You did. Not yesterday, but months ago.” He was mentally rolling through the collective memories in which she could’ve been referring to.

“What are you- what are you talking about?”

“I never told you, or anyone for that matter, but it was after one of the many cases where the team went out after.” That narrowed it down slightly in his mind. While he often went to those outings, he almost always was behind, sticking to the wall in those scenarios, mingling at a minimum with those who were not part of the team. “And… I just remember sitting there, wondering if that was all my life was turning into? Saving people at a cost to others and then returning home as we left tragedy behind in those towns. I almost quit that week.” This was the first time Spencer had heard any of this. But the more she revealed, the more he recognised when she had been referring to. “But you were there, checking on me. And somehow it all became bearable.”

“I don’t see how I could’ve made it any easier.”

“You were you. You somehow knew when I needed to talk and exactly how to help me. And the rest just happened from there.” There was a silence that found its way over them now, but they were still holding onto the other now.

“Thank you for telling me that.”

“Thank you for being there for me.” The calm feeling she had felt earlier was settling over them now. The last 24 hours had been a true test for the both of them, but this was the happier ending. It was brighter and calmer in every sense, and if this was how they got to continue on, it would be enough. Lost in their own moment, dreaming of forevers, hand in hand in a peaceful park.

Tell me what you think here!

#criminal minds #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid fandom #oneshot #angst #fluff #aaron hotchner #emily prentiss #derek morgan #penelope garcia #jennifer jareau #ssahopelessly

[ssahopelessly]

“I don’t want your apology.”

A Pinterest Prompt.

About 300 words.

An angsty quote for a fun read. Enjoy!

"I don't want your apology." Spencer eyed me from where he sat next to me at the table, only a raised eyebrow visible behind his hand of cards.

"Are you sure?" He squeaked out in a whisper, leaning back in his chair.

"Spencer just fucking do it." I waited with bated breath as he drummed his fingers along the table. But I should have guessed from the start what his move was. He laid the black card down, wincing slightly as he did so.

"Draw four. Color is red."

"Spencer Reid, you son of a bitch." The words were muttered under my breath as I withdrew the four uno cards from the pile at the middle of the table.

"I'm sorry!" He cried out, trying to hide behind his hand of cards. Counting his hand, it only made me even more mad. In one hand, he only had three cards left. Three! Meanwhile I had nearly nine in mine.

"Rossi, please tell me you have a reverse in your hand." David would be the next to play, but his poker face was unshakeable. He offered me a simple shake of his head before playing a red 3 card.

"Don't worry angel, I got you." Penelope played next, playing a red reverse card. Just as the hope in me started to build that I would eventually get my justice on Spencer, Rossi was quick to sweep it away. He played a yellow reverse card this time, a small smile forming on his lips.

"Uno." He gloated to the team. There was an eye roll from me, laughter from Emily, JJ, and Derek, and a sigh of relief from Spencer. All before Aaron entered the room.

"You'll have to put a pause to your game. There's a case."

Note to self: don’t sit between two of the best poker players in the BAU for any game, ever.

#criminal minds #spencer reid #david rossi #penelope garcia #emily prentiss #jj #jennifer jareau #derek morgan #reader #spencer reid x reader #prompt #drabble #ssahopelessly

[ssahopelessly]

Fragile State - Part 1

Synopsis: It’s supposed to be any other weekday morning for Arabella and you. How were you to know he would show up? How were you to know that after all these years he would once again be back in your life?

A/N: Those 500 words from the teaser will be found in here, slightly altered. I hope you guys enjoy this series in someway. If you think you know where it’s going, congratulations!

Warnings: errands, single parent reader, Spencer being an old friend with no contact for many years, neighborhood investigation, child falling off swingset, first aid talk

Word Count: 1.8k

Masterlist

I had never expected my life to turn into this. I had never expected that over a five year time span, I would move from one side of the country to the other, let alone that I would be married in that span. I wouldn’t have believed you if you told me I would be married, have a daughter, and then lose my husband, all within those five years. Maybe I should have anticipated it. But how would you even conceive that happening?

-

It was like any other Wednesday morning. I had woken up to Oxford, our family golden retriever, running onto my bed, whining at my ear to wake up. I did, shuffling to the back doors that lead onto the patio, that would then allow Oxford access to our backyard so he could use the bathroom. While he did so, I made my way back inside to make a cup of coffee, where Oxford would soon join me, sitting at my feet hoping I would feed him something from the counter. “No.” I simply spoke to him, looking at him at one point to see that he was naturally giving me the pleading, puppy dog eyes. Within a few moments, Arabella was soon entering the kitchen rubbing at her eyes as she gravitated to my side. “Good morning sleepy girl.”

“Good morning.” She greeted me, her eyes closed once she was steady by my side. “What are you cooking?”

“Some waffles. Are you hungry for waffles?”

“With strawberries?”

“Of course with strawberries!” She giggled, still hugging onto my side. “Can you get the utensils out for us? And I’ll bring you your plate in just a moment.” Nodding, she moved to the part of the counter where she could reach into the utensil drawer. What may have been a mundane morning for some, I learned to treasure the simple moments. I would only have so many mornings with her like this before she would be busy with school and I would have to return to my career. But I wished I would never have to. I wanted my mornings with Arabella and Oxford. Our simple life, quiet and nearly predictable in our small suburb just outside of D.C.

Our morning continued on like normal though. We had our breakfast and after she helped me load the dishwasher before running off to pick out her outfit for the day. Today’s errand list was small, only a few stops along the way. I wanted to go grab a small amount of groceries, go to one of the stores near the mall for maybe some last minute Christmas gifts, and then wander into the bookstore. Arabella always had a book she wanted to read, and encouraging this habit only helped her in the long run. I just hoped this time maybe she would be okay if I also bought her an activity book, to get her mind ready to work through school work on her own.

Just as I was nearly ready to go, there was a knock on the door. Taking a look through the peephole though, I nearly froze in place at the person just on the other side. I knew better than to open the door for strangers, but I had to make sure. ”Can I help you?” My breath caught in my throat once his eyes looked into mine. They were the same as they always had been, but there was a dullness to the spark that used to illuminate them. For a moment, we just stared at the other, processing what was happening.

“Uh hi- I’m…” I could see him debate how he wanted to proceed, his hand already reaching into his pocket for his credentials. “Dr. Spencer Reid with the FBI’s Behavioural Analysis Unit. We had a call about one of your neighbors and I’m just going around collecting statements.”

“Dr. Reid.” His breath caught in his throat again as I clutched the doorknob on the side he couldn’t see.

“(Y/N).” Hearing my name from his lips made my heart kick back into action, if not to start a tingle at the back of my head.

“Mommy!” Arabella was soon running up behind me, hiding behind my frame as she pulled on my coat, slightly aware of the guest on our doorstep.

“Sweetie.” I ran a hand over head, careful not to catch my ring in her hair. “Come in.” I stepped aside so Spencer could enter and we could have this conversation in private.

“Arabella, can you go play outside? I’ll be out in just a minute.” She nodded her head of brunette waves, leaving us at the front door as she turned on her heels, the pink skirt of her dress flaring out at the time of her turn.

“Come on Oxford!” Arabella called, the two running through the back patio doors to play on the playground. I watched as she started by throwing one of Oxford’s toys across the yard, his yellow fur blowing in the wind as he took off for it, immediately returning to Arabella. It was the first thing her father had taught her when playing with Oxford, and remained one of my favourite sights to see.

“How have you been?” Spencer finally cut through the silence. I could tell he was nervous, not just from the way he was massaging his hands, but the way his voice was already faltering and the way he was pressing his lips. I hated that after all this time, I still knew how to read him.

“Spencer…“ I had started but couldn’t find the words I was looking for. I wanted to yell, to tell him to leave. But I also wanted to confide in him. Tell him all about the last five years in hopes that I could find room for him in my life again.

“Why- when did you leave? I went back to Vegas but you had moved away and no one knew where-” A flood of memories came surfacing back from all those years ago. It had felt like nearly a lifetime away and maybe that’s what I had wanted, what I had needed.

“Stop.” I didn’t notice the tears brimming in my eyes until I heard my voice and saw how his eyes on me had changed, his stare softening into mine. I returned my vision to Arabella, who was climbing up the playset in the backyard, Oxford laying at the foot of the slide.

“I missed you (Y/N). No one even knew you got married, had a daughter.”

“I’m not married.” I let one tear slip for the truth he needed to know.

“What?”

“I’m not married, not anymore.” I started pulling at my ring finger, missing the once gold band that used to sit there.

“What happened?” I didn't answer him. Looking back over to Arabella, she was softly swinging on the swings now, Oxford still laying on the grass in front of her, watching as she swung back and forth, legs in and out, changing with each direction.

“Spencer, not now.” As soon as I looked back to him and my mind searched for a better answer to give him, I immediately heard a thud followed by the sounds of her cries through the glass. My heart dropped into my stomach. Looking over, she was laying on the grass near the swings, and I never threw myself into a sprint and around the furniture faster than I did in that moment. Breaking through the patio doors, Oxford ran up to me, following in my steps as we all ran to Arabella. Kneeling beside her, my mind instantly started trying to search for signs of what was the source of her cries.

“Arabella, sweetie. What’s wrong?”

“My arm!” She wailed out, holding it close to her chest as I noticed how red it was compared to normal.

“Did you fall?”

“Yeah!” She continued crying, her bottom lip jutting out as she tried to breath through her tears.

“Let me drive you guys to the hospital.” Spencer whispered beside me, bending down to my ear.

“Not now Spencer.” I bit out, trying to focus on my daughter.

“She’s going to need you to keep her calm during the ride, (Y/N). Let me do this.”

“Fine.” He moved to kneel on the other side of her.

“Do you have anything to stabilise her arm?”

“What?”

“We need to put her arm into an improvised sling, unless you have one laying around your house.” My eyes staying focused on her face, her eyes pink from the tears she had let out but her eyes on me, I mentally tried to envision anything in the house that may help. “Like a cloth belt, at least two inches thick, do you have-“

“I have the belt from one of my robes. Would that work?” He nodded, the hair hanging over his forehead bouncing with the movement.

“Where in your house is it?”

“Spencer-“

“You want to stay with her. I can go get the belt.” Letting Spencer Reid into my house to search for a cloth belt was not on my list of things to do today, but after a certain point I had to accept for today, nothing was going to go my way.

“When you go back in through the patio doors, go through the dining room room and then kitchen. My room is around the corner from that. The robe is navy blue and should be hanging on the back of my door.”

“Okay, I’ll be right back.” Spencer took off and in his absense I found Arabella’s hand that wasn’t attached to her injured arm.

“Arabella how are you baby?”

“It really hurts Momma.”

“I know, but you’re being so brave for me. Just hang on, we’re going to wrap your arm and then get you to the hospital okay?” She nodded her, her tears starting to run dry. I ran a finger against one of the last trails, trying to dry them for her, giving her hand a squeeze. Spencer soon ran back out to us, the piece of navy blue cloth in his hand. He was kneeling across from me, Arabella between us, his hands moving fast to secure it around her neck and then the injured arm, helping Arabella to carefully sit up.

“Arabella? Can you walk for us?” He asked her, a hand on her back as he helped her sit up.

“I think so.” Both of us getting to our feet, we helped her stand up from the dirt, Spencer also taking mind to knock some of the dirt from her skirt.

“Okay, I am going to go get the car started up.”

“Okay. We’ll be out in just a minute. I need to get my purse and the insurance cards.” He nodded, dusting his hands off on his pants before the three of us left the backyard, Oxford following close behind.

Tell me what you think here!

#criminal minds #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid y/n #spencer reid fandom #angst #series #spencer reid series #ssahopelessly

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Fragile State (Teaser)

Synopsis: After years apart, Spencer Reid once again knocks on the door. How much of her life will he have access to? Can the events of the years passed be kept a secret?

A/N: This is an excerpt from Part 1!

Warnings: Single parent reader, many years absence of Spencer, old friends reuniting, child accident (falling off playground)

Word Count: 0.5k

Masterlist

“Arabella, can you go play outside? I’ll be out in just a minute.” She nodded her head of brunette waves, leaving us at the front door as she turned on her heels, the pink skirt of her dress flaring out at the same time.

“Come on Oxford!” Arabella called to our golden retriever, the two running through the back patio doors to play on the playground. I watched as she started by throwing one of Oxford’s toys across the yard, his yellow fur blowing in the wind as he took off for it, immediately returning to Arabella.

“How have you been?” Spencer finally cut through the silence. I could tell he was nervous, not just from the hands in his pockets, but the way his voice was already faltering and the way he was pressing his lips. I hated that after all this time, I still knew how to read him.

“Spencer…“ I had started but couldn’t find the words I was looking for. I wanted to yell, to tell him to leave. But I also wanted to hug him, be held by him, and tell him how awful the last year had been.

“Why- why did you leave? I went back to Vegas but you had moved away and no one knew where-” A flood of memories came surfacing back from all those years ago.

“Stop.” I didn’t notice the tears brimming in my eyes until I heard my voice and saw how his eyes on me had changed. I returned my vision to Arabella.

“I missed you (Y/N). No one even knew you got married, had a daughter.”

“I’m not married.” I let one tear slip for the truth he needed to know.

“What?”

“I’m not married, not anymore.”

“What happened?” I didn't answer him. Looking back over to Arabella, she was softly swinging on the swing, Oxford laying on the grass in front of her, watching as she swung back and forth, legs in and out, changing with each direction.

“Spencer, not now.” As soon as I looked back to him and my mind searched for a better answer to give him, I immediately heard a thud followed by the sounds of her cries through the glass. My heart dropped into my stomach. Looking over, she was laying on the grass near the swings, and I never threw myself into a sprint and around the furniture faster than I did in that moment. Breaking through the patio doors, Oxford ran up to me, following in my steps as we all ran to Arabella. Kneeling beside her, my mind instantly started trying to search for signs of what was the source of her cries.

“Arabella, sweetie. What’s wrong?”

“My arm!” She wailed out, holding it close to her chest as I noticed how red it was compared to normal.

“Did you fall?”

“Yeah!” She continued crying.

“Let me drive you guys to the hospital.” Spencer whispered beside me, bending down to my ear.

“Not now Spencer.”

“She’s going to need you to keep her calm during the ride, (Y/N). Let me do this.”

“Fine.”

Tell me what you think here.

#criminal minds #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid fandom #spencer reid series #series teaser #ssahopelessly

[ssahopelessly]

Hey, heyyy!

Hey you guys… I uh… I accidentally deleted my tumblr… So we’re starting from scratch.

I’ll be reposting all of the pieces from the last time, but hopefully this will be the only time that happens. I’m sorry if it’s annoying to watch me rebuild this. It is what it is.

#criminal minds #spencer reid #my tumblr #accidentally deleted #ssahopelessly

[ssahopelessly]

Hi yes hello:

I am aware all some of the links on my post are not working. Currently working on that…

In other news

I have a drabble queued up ready for posting tomorrow! 😊

#ssahopelessly #updates