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expired-applejuice · 1 year

Text

Part 6 of incorrect les mis

Some or these may have been done.

Grantaire: I will not let a technicality stop me.

Joly: Techni- you mean the law?

Grantaire: Yes I hate that word.

-

Bahorel: I asked Feuilly out.

Montparnasse: Oh, I'm sorry.

Bahorel: Why?

Montparnasse: Well, I assume he said no.

Bahorel: No, he said yes.

Montparnasse: Really? Then I'm sorry for him.

-

Courfeyrac: Gay as fuck to be a angry politician. What are you mad about? Men? Are you just crazy about men?

Grantaire: I hear that politics is a man dominated field. Is that what you want? To be dominated by other men?

Enjolras: *confused* I beg your pardon????

Grantaire: *holding out a Bouquet of flowers* what's not clicking?

-

Jehan: Well, this is the last box of your clothes. I'm just gonna label it, 'What were you thinking?'

Feuilly: Funny, 'cause I was just going to go across the hall and write that on Montparnasse.

-

Courfeyrac to Combeferre: I don't know how many times I have to say this. Do not like a picture of my ass on Instagram if you don't want me in your DMs telling you to spank it, all right? Just don't do it.

-

Fantine: Javert, you and Valjean did not do it. And while I applaud your misguided efforts to make me jealous, I have work to do. So... leave.

Javert: I don't care about making you jealous. I just care about pleasing your fella.

Fantine: Valjean is not "my fella".

Javert: *smirks* And how!

-

Eponine: I've kinda of had this uh, this crush on you. But since you were with Marius, I-I didn't do anything about it. But, now that you're not, I'd really like to ask you out sometime. So-so that's-that's what I'm doing, now.

*Marius gets this hurt expression on his face and goes into the back room*

Cosette: Wow! Umm....

*A loud crash and the sound of breaking dishes. Followed quickly by another crash, Marius emerges with everyone looking at him*

Marius: I dropped a cup.

-

*Grantaire stops Combeferre*

Grantaire: Oh, Combeferre, I saw what happened. Is your boyfriend okay?

Combeferre: *stops short, looks at him* My boyfriend?!

Grantaire: Yeah, th-th-the loud little friendly one you're always hanging around with...oh, uh, Courfeyrac.

Combeferre: He's not my boyfriend.

Grantaire: Are you sure...?

Combeferre: Yes, I'm sure. I don't like him. He's shallow and loud, talkative. He's everything that I hate.

Grantaire: But Combeferre, you hate everything.

Combeferre: What's that supposed to mean?

Grantaire: Well, it means that... that maybe you like him cause... *sings* I kinda think you dooo.

Combeferre: No! How could I like him. Because I don't like him! Because I can't like him! Grantaire, if I like him.... shoot me.

Grantaire: *turns to him and makes a finger gun* POW!!

-

Grantaire to Enjolras: You'll figure out what to do Apollo, you have great instincts. You have a great butt too, but that's a whole other thing.

-

Bossuet, drunkingly confronting Musichetta: Hey you! Musichetta is it? Yeah. I don't know where you're from. But I'll have you know, I am the catch of Paris.

Joly: That's true. That's how he signed my yearbook.

-

Marius: Okay, remember, workout time tomorrow is 6:30. So get some rest. Or do what I do: lie awake and listen to your roommate do stuff with your other roommate on the other side of the wall.

*Everyone stares at Eponine and Cosette*

-

Joly, putting a hand on Bossuet's forehead: God, you're hot...

Bossuet: So are you.

Joly: With a fever.

-

Courfeyrac: We don't have to do nothing *looks around* nothing big was taken, probably some kids having fun.

Enjolras: Fun?

Courfeyrac: Yeah, you know, fun... that thing you've never had.

Enjolras: I have plenty of fun, okay *walks over to Grantaire and smiles* I'm fun, right?

Grantaire, looking Enjolras up and down: You're good lookin!

-

Eponine: Anyway, I was wondering if, you were the sort of person who... eats lunch.

Cosette: Are you asking me out? 'Cause it would be kinda weird since I just broke up with Marius.

Eponine: Yeah uh... okay. I'm-I'm sorry. Bye.

Cosette: No! Wait! I was just saying that so you'd think I was a good person. Fight for me.

Eponine: Uhh, I won't take no for an answer.

Cosette: Not great, but we can work on it at lunch.

-

*The other cops walking in on Javert packing up night vision goggles*

Javert: Oh man, I gotta go to the bench in town. I'm late to stalk Valjean.

-

Courfeyrac: So what, we just sit?

Combeferre: Ohh, no, no. We're not going to just sit. *calls Marius* Shhh.

Marius, answering the phone: Hello, Marius Pontmercy.

Combeferre, in a high pitched female voice; Hello Mr. Pontmercy... I love you.

Marius, angrily: Alright, whoever this is, stop calling me! *Les Amis silently laughing* It's been six months! It's not funny!

Combeferre: But, I love you.

Marius: Leave me alone! For the love of God, leave me alone!!!

*Combeferre hangs up*

Combeferre: And that's Wednesday.

-

Feuilly: We just have to really, really, really, not let stuff like money get--is that a hickey?

Jehan: No, I just, I fell down.

Feuilly: On someone's lips? Where'd you get the hickey?

*Bahorel high fives Montparnasse*

-

*Marius tries to enter the Cafe back room that has a voice command*

Marius: Marius.

Computer: Access denied.

Marius: Pontmercy.

Computer: Access denied.

Marius: Nostrils.

Computer: Access Denied.

Marius: *grumbles* Napoleon's Bitch.

Computer: Welcome, mari-quiff.

-

Marius: I know I didn't do anything wrong, but where am I gonna find another friend like Courfeyrac?

Eponine: Look, there are plenty of other fish in the sea, okay? It's like when you and Cosette broke up. It was for the best. And after a while, she found someone better. Me. And since then, I've enjoyed throwing that in your face as often as possible. What was your question again?

-

*Valjean and Javert hug*

Fantine: Could you cut it out? I gotta go home to an empty apartment.

-

*Marius wants to talk to a hidden Cosette*

Marius: Eponine, do you know where she is?

Eponine: 712 Forest Lane, blue house with a little flamingo on the lawn.

Marius: Wow. Stalk much?

Eponine: Yes.

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yandereloveraw · 1 year

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[My oc's DnD party members responding to being stabbed with a sword]

Cleric Vanilla: Rude

Bard Jasper: That's fair

Paladin Xavier: Not again.

Barbarian Archie: Are you gonna want this back or can I keep it?

------------------------------------------------------

[The party when they drop food on the floor]

Cleric Vanilla: Aw man. [Throws it away]

Bard Jasper: Five second rule!

Barbarian Archie: Foolish germs, thinking they can stop me!? [Eats it off the floor]

Paladin Xavier: [Sobs on the floor]

#my ocs #my ocs as dnd classes #dnd classes #oc memes #yandere pyromaniac oc #yandere pastry chef oc #yandere werewolf oc #male vampire oc #dnd paladin #dnd bard #dnd cleric #dnd barbarian #sources: tumblr #minors please dni

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antdays · 5 months

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my dealer: got some straight gas 🔥😛 this strain is called "four hour video essay about plagiarism" 😳 you'll be zonked out of your gourd💯

me: yeah whatever. i don't feel shit.

5 minutes later: dude i swear i just saw brian deer say that exact sentence before

my buddy hbomberguy, pacing: james somerton is lying to us

#in the spirit of the new hbomberguy video: the original source of this meme seems to be a tweet by user @sabatonfan69 #which i found through tumblr user @thesituation #hbomberguy

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inmyperfectworld · 2 months

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Natural gray hair is so beautiful to me. 😍🩶

#black tumblr #aesthetic #aesthetics #black aesthetic #source: pinterest #black women #pinterest #black women aesthetic #brown women #gray hair #hair inspo #hair aesthetic #natural hair aesthetic #brown woman #natural hair #black women hair #brown women hair #black beauty #black women beauty

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marksandrec · 4 months

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Marks and Rec: Misc #2632

Spirits, where did you get all these pictures of Astarion? (Dialogue from tumblr.)

#bg3 #incorrect quotes #bg3 incorrect quotes #karlach #gale of waterdeep #gale dekarios #shadowheart #astarion #tim downie #neil newbon #samantha beart #jennifer english #high rollers dnd #marks and rec misc #source: tumblr #it's dangerous to go alone

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not-rab · 5 months

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13-year-old Sirius: You know what, I think it's time we started swearing. When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'll swear first and then you.

12-year-old Regulus: Okay.

[downstairs]

Walburga: What do you want for breakfast?

Sirius: I'll have Cocoa Puffs, bitch.

Walburga: Go to your room!

Walburga, to Regulus: And what do you want?

Regulus: Dunno but it won't be fucking Cocoa Puffs.

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incorrectbatfam · 7 months

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[at Jason's funeral]

Dick: *places his hand on the headstone and sobs*

Dick: How could you do this to me? We are so understaffed.

#source: tumblr #dick grayson #nightwing #jason todd #red hood #robin #batman #batfamily #batfam #batboys #batbros #batkids #batsiblings #batman family #incorrect batfamily quotes #incorrect quotes #incorrect dc quotes #dc comics #tw death mention

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expired-applejuice · 2 years

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Part 3 of Incorrect les mis

Bahorel: hey! we are not children.

Valjean: THEN EFFING ACT LIKE IT

Courfeyrac: pfft it can't be that bad, he censored fuck

Grantaire: that's true if he was really mad he would've said fuck

Feuilly: I definitely reserve fuck for when I am angriest

Bahorel: say fuck Valjean

Valjean:

Valjean: you children don't deserve the satisfaction

___________________________

Valjean, walking into the room: what's going on?

Enjolras, standing on Javert's desk:

Combeferre, standing next to Enjolras holding what is obviously Javert's computer to the ceiling:

Courfeyrac, holding two rolls of duct tape:

Enjolras: this doesn't concern you

Valjean: alright then

___________________________

Javert: You know that feeling of disappointment after you wake up in the morning instead of dying in your sleep?

Valjean: No...

Javert: Oh, okay then, nevermind.

Valjean:

Valjean: Oh, so we're just not gonna address that.

___________________________

Courfeyrac: I don't think Enjolras is very happy with you

Grantaire: why do you say this

Courfeyrac, reading the message: "Dear Grantaire, I

hope this message finds you before i do."

___________________________

Javert: Jehan Prouvaire, in my office

Courfeyrac: oh shit Jehan got full named

Eponine: he really just said welcome to your funeral

Grantaire: I've never been happier to be me right now

Prouvaire: this is rock bottom right? I can't make it any worse if I ran right now?

Everyone:

Combeferre: I'll just go ahead and call the coroner now...

___________________________

*Combeferre walks into the room*

Feuilly: I bet you can't fit another one.

Bahorel pushes another mini marshmallow into his mouth which is stuffed with them:

Grantaire, marking down a tally: sixty two marshmallows

Feuilly: I bet you can't fit another one

Bahorel goes to pick up another marshmallow

*Combeferre walks out of the room*

___________________________

Enjolras: ok. who got hurt?

Combeferre: what?

Enjolras: you're smiling like you just saw Marius trip over his own two feet.

Combeferre, giggling: actually- he just slipped- cracked his right hip-and- and broke his wrist

Enjolras, gasping: oh my god! where is he

Combeferre, laughing: i need- i need to go get Joly. he needs- he needs a doctor.

Enjolras: you are a doctor- but I don't trust you with Marius, you might make it worse

Combeferre walking away, laughing: HE CRACKED HIS HIP. WHAT A FUCKING DUMBASS

___________________________

Javert: seriously?

*Joly and Bossuet are standing back to back, protecting Musichetta, Gavroche is standing on a table, Eponine is holding a chair, Combeferre is sitting at is desk holding a file like a tent over his head, Grantaire is under the table with his whine, Enjolras is stuck on top of a bookshelf, Feuilly is throwing fans, Bahorel is attacking Courfeyrac, Prouvaire is on the ground in the fetal position, Marius and Cosette are reading, while Valjean drinking a cup of coffee in the corner. Everyone and everything is covered in silly string*

Javert: even you Valjean? expect this from everyone else but you?

Valjean: it's lonely being the other parent

___________________________

Enjolras, in a jail cell: What about my Miranda rights!? You're supposed to say I have the right to remain silent! NOBODY SAID I HAD THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT!

Combeferre, in the cell next to him: You have the right to remain silent, what you lack is the capacity.

___________________________

Musichetta: Explain it to me again, slowly

Enjolras: The door was locked

Courfeyrac: And we needed to get inside

Grantaire: Because we ran out of snacks

Combeferre: And we knew you'd have some

Musichetta:

Joly: So you scaled our apartment complex to open our kitchen window from the outside for snacks?

The other four: Exactly.

Bossuet: You're all banned from our house

___________________________

Principal: I called your dad

Cosette: Which one?

Principal: Excuse me?

Cosette: Which dad did you call? I have two, and one will be good for me, bad for you. The other will be bad for me, good for you.

Principal: *gulping*

Javert barging into the principals office in his uniform *Cosette smiling*

___________________________

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timdrakeismypatronus · 1 month

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Kon: Tim is my friend, and if I love him, it’s the way I would love a brother. Jason: Tim is my brother and if he looked at me the way you look at him, I would call the police

#batfamily #tim drake #batbros #batfam #incorrect batfamily quotes #jason todd #kon el kent #timkon #source: tumblr

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grandpakronos · 19 days

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PERCY: Grover, you know how I went to the pharmacy to pick up Annabeth and I's ADHD meds?

GROVER: Yeah...

ANNABETH: Well, they're all out for the next six days.

PERCY: So fun week ahead!

GROVER: Nope, I'm moving out.

ANNABETH: Nuh uh, through sickness and health, buddy!

GROVER: We're not married!

#percy jackon and the olympians #pjo tv #percy jackson #percy jackson incorrect quotes #pjo incorrect quotes #source: tumblr