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bisexual-inuyasha · 3 years

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While You Were Sleeping

When I’m around slow dancing in the dark,

Don’t follow me, you’ll end up in my arms,

You have made up your mind,

I don’t need no more signs.

-- SLOW DANCING IN THE DARK by Joji

Ed knew a secret.

And it would be a cold day in hell before he ever told anyone. And he knew a lot about hell. It was hot there.

Although, he was starting to reconsider. Maybe hell was here, in this cool fall forest, surrounded by the creek bed and small wildflowers of the countryside.

Maybe hell was the conversation he had with Li--Greed a couple of days into their little camping adventure.

“Hey, kid. Come here, I gotta discuss something with you.” Greed sat in a tree, which Ed wouldn’t be climbing any time soon with his wounds.

Ed continued adjusting the fire, trying to ignore the burning need he had to sleep. Sleeping led to nightmares, and nightmares led to waking in the darkness, and darkness led to flashbacks, and flashbacks led to endless pacing anxiety and he just couldn’t do it. Greed hopped down into the fire, and Ed didn’t hold back on cussing him.

“Hey, calm down. It’s not like I hurt him, or anything.”

“I almost had the fire perfect.” Ed tossed his charred stick to the side. “Now it’ll take forever to fix.”

“Look, I’m not joking. I need to talk to you.” Greed grabbed his arm. The grip was too strong, too unaware to be Ling. The dissonance made Ed bristle. “It’s about Ling.”

Ed didn’t like the way his heart stopped, his breath stilling in his lungs. “What about Ling? He’s not gone, is he?”

“I said I wanted to talk in private.”

“No, you didn’t.” Ed allowed himself to be dragged.

“It was implied.”

“Since when do you imply?” Ed just wanted to rest. Well, there were a lot of things he wanted. But Greed dragging him away wasn’t one of them.

“You wouldn’t be complaining if it were him, would you Ed?” Greed chuckled.

“Of course not. Ling is my friend,” Ed responded coolly. “So why don’t you let him out for a while?”

“He’s not a dog. I don’t have to let him out to mess in the yard.” Greed stopped, checking the area around him quickly. Heinkel and Darius didn’t trust Greed much. They’d notice Ed had gone missing pretty quickly. “But, we’ve discovered something.”

Ed pulled his arm away. “Look Greed. If you want me to give a shit, you’re going to have to let Ling tell me.”

“I don’t think so.” Greed ran his clawed hands through Ling’s hair. An odd, nervous habit for someone with more confidence than sense.

“Try me.” Ed was bluffing of course. One day, Ling would return to his body for good. When he did, he’d need a body to return to.

“Ling has to sleep.” Greed’s voice was flat. He wasn’t playing games. This wasn’t some coy trick or prank.

But, Fuhrer Bradley...

“I know you don’t have to sleep, Greed. You forget, I’ve dealt with homunculus before.” Ed relaxed. “I don’t know what you’re trying to pull--”

Hands--not clawed, but calloused--gripped his shoulders. “No, I really do--”

Ling stumbled. And this was Ling. His face had softened, his shoulders less tense and his expression less hungry. Ed would recognize him anywhere. Especially in his own face. He spent most of his day searching for that face.

“Ling!”

“I have to sleep.” Ling sagged against his arms. “My body is human, and my soul is still attached. If I stay up too much longer, I’ll…”

Ling didn’t finish the sentence, but he didn’t have to. “What do you need me to do?”

But there was no answer. Ling was already asleep.

And thus, Ed was thrown into hell. Now that he really thought about it, this was certainly hell.

Hell was watching Greed prance around all day, boasting of his grand plans, and then coming here at night, in this soft place, to watch Ling sleep. For Ling to be within arm's reach and still unreachable.

Ed still hadn’t figured out why he had to be here. Greed wouldn’t explain. Claimed Ling wouldn’t explain. “The prince probably doesn’t trust anybody. He has a lot of memories of people trying to kill him. It’s pretty fucked up in here, kid.” and then Greed tapped Ling’s head and turned away.

So Ed spent his watch here, far enough from camp Heinkel and Darius couldn't smell anything unusual but close enough they wouldn’t suspect Greed of running off. Though what Heinkel suspected was far worse than abandonment, Ed thought.

Worse so, because when Ed first started doing this, he was clear across the fucking creek. And then he’d figured he’d best sit at least near Ling, and now he’s here. And here, specifically, is actually hell. This specific position in this specific scenario.

Ling laid with his back against Ed’s leg. Not his metal one either. And the man was not a sound sleeper. Nor a still one.

Worse, he wasn’t snoring.

Ling was whimpering.

And it was going to fucking break Edward Elric’s ears to hear it. And then Ed was going to break someone’s face. Probably Greed’s. Which would be hard, without breaking Ling’s.

His fingers buzzed with the need to reach out. Maybe if he just rubbed Ling’s shoulder.

The problem was Ed didn’t want to rub Ling’s shoulder to help him sleep. He wanted to wake the man up. He wanted to demand an answer for why he thought it was ok to leave like this. He wanted to vent about how Al was missing. He wanted to smooth away the desperate worry he saw on Ling’s face every night before he passed out.

But no, stroking Ling’s shoulder to help him sleep better was not what Ed wanted to do. Maybe that was Ed’s own selfishness. A selfishness that only ever seemed to apply to the Xingese prince. Ed always did have big aspirations.

Ling shifted in his sleep, his ultimate shield creeping up his arms and neck. This happened occasionally. Whatever Ling was dreaming of would become too much, and the ultimate shield would activate. He didn’t know if it was Greed reacting to Ling’s emotional state or if Ling had some measure of control over Greed’s power while he was free.

Ed gave a big, put upon sigh and reached out. His hand brushed against Ling’s shirt. “Hey now, calm down. You’re supposed to be resting.”

Ling, being still asleep, did not respond. The ultimate shield creeped further.

Ed sighed again, though less dramatically. “You know, I hate this.”

Ed reached out again, but this time he bypassed the shoulder. His mother used to do something for him when he was younger. Something that would ease his fears of his father, of the uncertainty of her illness. He plucked the white ribbon from Ling’s hair until the ponytail was let loose. Black hair rippled into the grass, spilling between the blades like a black river.

“I’ve wondered about this.” And then Ed just started talking, pulling his fingers through Ling’s hair. He told Ling about Al missing, and the growing restlessness that people were going to get hurt in a plot that seemed bigger than anything Ed had ever dealt with. And all the while, he ran his fingers through Ling’s hair, tracing small circles on his scalp, being gentle so as not to create tangles. The hair was as soft, as smooth and cool as Ed had imagined.

It was embarrassing how much he’d imagined it in the time since he first ran into Ling.

For the first time since Ed started keeping watch, Ling didn’t toss and turn any more. His arms and neck were free.

And now, Ed thought maybe he knew why he was sitting here.

At some point in the night, Ed must have fallen asleep, because he woke up with Greed laughing in his ear. Luckily, he was still sitting up, so he hadn’t done anything weird, like cuddling Ling or something.

“Ling slept well last night.” Greed laughed again. “He had such sweet little dreams.”

Ed shoved at Greed’s face. “And those dreams are none of my business. You talk too much, Greed.”

And still, Ed grew restless. He caught himself staring at the sky, watching the clouds drift by and wondering how long until the night fell. Every minute felt like hours, until the sun set. The sky was still striped with pink when Ed started packing up his stuff for the night.

“Everything ok, Ed?” Heinkel huffed. “You look like you’re waiting on something.”

“I’m just tired.” Ed made a show of a big yawn.

“Well, with the way you and that Prince of yours keep wandering off, it’s no wonder you’re not getting any sleep.” Darius said it smoothly, not even looking at Ed. But the way Heinkel grinned, Ed knew it was a purposeful dig.

“It’s Greed in that body, not Ling. Or haven’t you heard.” No one pointed out he hadn’t denied the ‘your’ part of the assertion. It didn’t matter. They were only teasing him.

And then the night was upon him. Heinkel and Darius set up to doze.

Ed headed to their usual spot. There was even a dip in the ground from where Ling crushed the grass.

And Ling was standing by the creek bed, bending the stems of flowers.

“You’re already out.” Ed was surprised. Usually Greed laid down and Ling switched over, already struggling to keep his eyes open.

“Sleep has been helping.” Ling plucked one of the ruined flowers and tossed it in the water. “I’m feeling less thin.”

“Glad I could help.” Ed looked down at his hand, and remembered the slide of silky black hair between his fingers. “Does that mean you won’t need to sleep for a while?”

Ling turned to look at him, a grin on his face. “Oh, let’s not get too hasty now, Ed. I can’t let myself get worn out again, can I? Can’t rule over Xing if I’m just one of thousands of souls in the Greed soup.”

Ed shuddered. “Never refer to it like that again.”

Ling laughed and it was such a different laugh from the one Greed tossed around that it caught Ed’s breath. “I’m still tired, but I’ve missed talking to… well, talking to anyone, really.”

Ed chuckled, but it was weak. “Gee, I’ve missed you, too.”

Ling’s smile faded. “Don’t misunderstand me. It couldn’t have been anyone but you. Thank you, Ed.”

The mood was too serious, and Ed had a feeling it was his fault somehow. “So, how long are you awake today?”

“Not much longer.” Ling hesitated, pulling the white ribbon from his hair. “In case you want to touch it again. You can, you know. I didn’t mind.”

Well, of course he knew about that. He probably had to put his hair back up in the morning. Ed wanted to die. His face felt like it would burn off. Or maybe melt. Whatever happened to a blush so deep it threatened to become permanent.

“I can, if you’d like. My mother used to do it for me when I had bad dreams.” Ed sat down beside the spot Ling slept in. This was where he’d gotten used to spending his nights.

“And what did baby Ed have to be afraid of?” Ling lay down, careful not to outright touch Ed, but facing him now. They were close. Ling already sounded tired.

“My father coming back. My father never coming back. My mother’s illness getting so bad she couldn’t be a mom any more.” Ed leaned back, staring up at the sky. A few stars began to twinkle out.

“My mom died when I was young too, you know.” Ling yawned. His hand slid across the grass, reaching up to rest on Ed’s thigh. “She told me I was the emperor’s son and three days later, a boy twice my age killed her in her sleep. She was in my room, sleeping for the night.”

Ed didn’t know what to say. His mother’s death had been traumatic. She’d died sick, and alone, leaving her sons with no one. But she hadn’t been murdered by someone trying to kill him.

“It’s ok. No one knows what to say. I’m sure you’re used to that, too.” Ling squeezed.

“She loved you.”

“Yes, and then she died.” Ling’s hand went limp on his leg.

Tonight when Ed told stories, they were of happier times. He told the sleeping Ling about his mother’s rice and eggs, and the way she’d make the sausages look like little creatures until the time Al cried because he didn’t want to kill the octopus sausage. He told him about the fight he and Al had over Winry, and how he’d been relieved Al won because Al always seemed so enamored with her.

Ling’s face remained impassive. And honestly, Ed didn’t know how this worked. Maybe Greed still heard everything he said. Maybe Ling heard it too. But oh well. Equivalent exchange meant Ed had to replace Ling’s bad memories with good ones. He only had his own to offer. And tonight, the ultimate shield didn’t return.

In the morning, Greed didn’t wake him up with taunting. The homunculus was gone, already rousing the chimeras. He’d left his jacket behind, draped over Ed.

“Hey kid.” Greed’s clawed hand grabbed his shoulder. “Don’t get too attached. Most souls don’t last too long.”

“Then let him go. He’s supposed to be your friend, right?”

Greed didn’t answer. The frown on Ling’s face was unpleasant. Unnatural on a face that smiled so much.

The day dragged on. Now that he had the possibility of talking with Ling again--someone who knew him, truly--he was practically bouncing with energy. Without any way to express it, it just came across as irritability.

Heinkel and Darius were both done with his impatience by the time the night fell. This night, they’d found an abandoned cabin to stay in. Ed felt abandoned was a strong word for “not currently occupied” but Greed had just shouted “abandoned!” again and broke the door down.

Which meant they didn’t have a door, but Ed was able to fix that.

It was harder now to find a way to be discreet about Ling taking time in the night to rest from being in the homunculus. There was only one room, and Heinkel and Darius both insisted on sleeping in the living room. “Just in case,” they’d said. Ed knew it was really that they were too big for the bed.

“Well, I guess it’s good I’m Greed, because I have no problem taking the only bed.” Greed laughed.

“I thought you didn’t need a bed.” Heinkel didn’t look up from his book.

“Not everyone uses beds for sleeping, buddy.”

Heinkel still didn’t look up, but now he was reading the book with wide eyes and a tight grip.

“I don’t know what the fuck you think you’re saying, but you better fucking unsay it,” Ed hissed, and Greed only shrugged, laughed, and headed into the room. Ed shouted after him, “You better unsay it you dirty fucking homunculus!”

But the room was silent. Heinkel raised an eyebrow. “Don’t worry Ed, we know you two haven’t actually… you know.”

“Yeah. I mean, we are chimera. We’d know.” Darius was scrounging around in the pantry, dragging out every can of food he could find. “He’s just fucking around.”

Ed wanted to die. Again.

“I’m still going to go kick his ass.” Ed stomped back to the room and slammed the door shut. He may have overdone it. A few dirt clods fell from the ceiling. Maybe he really should just kick Greed’s ass.

He turned to do exactly that and found Ling, sitting on the bed with his legs criss crossed, grinning. “I told him that would rile you up. You’ve been worried about it since you started disappearing into the woods with me every night.”

“I mean, Greed doesn’t help.”

“You think he’s bad out there, imagine living with him up here.” Ling tapped his forehead.

“I don’t know how you do it.”

“It’s not so bad. Most of the time he’s pretty good company. Like a little brother or something.” Ling smiled again but it was strained.

“What’s the matter?”

“Nothing. Aren’t you tired?” Ling gestured to the bed. “I could take a turn. Let you sleep for a while first.”

“You’re sleeping so you don’t disappear into a sea of souls.”

“And you’re resting to preserve Al’s body and so you don’t, you know, die.”

“People don’t die from not sleeping, Ling.” Which wasn’t true, he knew. And Ling knew. But he’d been chosen for this job, not the other way around. “Go to sleep. I’ll keep you safe out here.”

The words had slipped out, without Ed really thinking about them. He paled, and hoped Ling didn’t really catch it. The room had a single chair. Ed flopped down in it and crossed his arms, looking sideways at Ling.

The grin on Ling’s face let him know he’d been heard. “Oh, Ed. I didn’t know you cared so much.”

“Sure. That’s why you asked me to do this.” Ed looked at his lap, considering how he’d possibly make it out of this room.

“I asked you to do this because I trust you.” Ling leaned forward, stretching his arm across the bed. He stretched out his hand in offering. “Because I knew you’d understand.”

Ed accepted Ling’s hand. He sat on the bed, and Ling arranged himself around Ed’s lap. It was the closest they’d slept. Ling’s face buried in Ed’s thigh, his arms wrapped strongly around Ed’s calf. Before Ed could ask if this was really how he wanted to sleep, Ling was out.

Ed wanted to tell Ling stories, but the truth was, he was tired. It was all he could do just to keep his eyes open while he pulled his fingers through Ling’s hair. And then, at some point, he just wasn’t awake any more.

Heinkel and Darius were not quiet with their laughter in the morning.

#Edling #Edward Elric #Ling Yao #The Camping Trip #Ling needs sleep #because he's still a human with an attached human soul #but he can't just sleep unguarded

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smol-lydia · 4 years

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Subculture Appropriation: A conversation with my therapist fiancee about the Beetlejuice musical

Okay so, some context before go into this. I don’t normally like going into identity stuff but antis will come for you if you don’t so here we go:

My fiancee is a trans clinical psychologist, likely neurodivergent. However before going into clinical, they got their undergrad in social psychology and because I was a historian before I became too ill to work, I love to talk to them about culture, society, social movements, etc (my brand of historian was a sub-type called social historian, ie I studied the societies, and social movements and every day lives of ordinary people in the past rather than say, military bullshit. I fucking hate military history lol). As additional context for what I am about to talk about here, I was raised by two gay dads, one of whom was an OG 80s punk who lived in Philadelphia during the AIDS crisis.

Also, full disclosure: I love the Beetlejuice musical. I don’t love what it’s done to the fandom but I love the musical; not all Beetlebabes hate the musical.

Okay so:

The thing that gets my goat about the shitty hot takes a lot of gen z has around Beetlejuice comes from what my partner has termed “subculture appropriation.” Let me explain.

Goth and punk are subcultures. They were, in the 80s, revolutionary. They were radical, and they were not accepted in the mainstream. My dad, with his mohawk and tattoos designed himself (he was a horror comic artist) and multiple hand pierced ears and chains around his neck, was not well received in my small town in NJ. When we lived there, in the early 2000s, we were the only gay family in the neighborhood. Gay marriage wasn’t legal, and I was shunned in school for being the girl with two dads. Gay rep in media was pretty much limited to Queer Eye and the L Word. It was a different time.

Gothic subculture, even in the early 2000s, was not mainstream. My small group of friends in high school (we were all goth and emo) were shunned. A lot of us were some flavor of queer. Some of us were POC. Some, like me, autistic. A lot of us had eating disorders. We were bullied incessently, to a point where many of us had severe mental health problems and had spent time in and out of psych wards. This was also not seen as mainstream and labeled us even more as “freaks.”

Beetlejuice was the movie and cartoon for us, by us. It was a cult classic. It was not something most kids were watching, but I grew up strange and unusual. Beetlejuice spoke to an entire generartion of goth subculture.

Nowadays, things are different. Hot Topic doesn’t play Pierce the Veil at ear numbing volumes when you go into the store. You’re likely not gonna find those hideous punk pants we were all enamored of back in the day. Instead, you’ll find Disney. Fandom. Anime. Bob’s Burgers. In the last decade, goth has been watered down to appeal to the masses (much like other nerdy subcultures) because capitialism ruins everything. So, enter the Beetlejuice musical.

I love the musical because it spoke to me, the little girl I once was, who watched the cartoon with my dad on CN. But I noticed, once the show blew up on Tiktok, things changed. And the reason was a mainstream teen audience picked up on something very specific to a subculture. And then they made it there’s-- hence the term subculture appropriation.

Beetlejuice has its roots in gothic literature, dating back to the 19th century (my friend magicalmolly on tiktok has an excellent “understanding gothic literature” series that covers this). One of the main tropes of gothic lit is Death and the Maiden-- aka Beej and Lyds. It is not a mainstream romance, and it’s not supposed to be. If supernatural romance makes you uncomfy, then maybe this genre isn’t for you.

The problem is when something with tropes specific to a subculture enter the mainstream, they are going to be villainzed and misinterpreted because mainstream Beckys who think they’re goth because they paint their nails black have absolutely no sense of history, context, and nuance that the themes of the show give. As a result, suddenly the shitty hot takes pop up. And yes, age gaps are icky irl. But in this genre, they are bread and butter (Lindsay Ellis has a good video on this called My Monster Boyfriend). As a result, suddenly a bunch of kids come into a niche that isn’t theirs, demand we re-arrange the furniture for their comfort, and in general start trying to push the subculture out of its own space.

This isn’t, by the way, gatekeeping. This is appropriation. When you go into a niche subculture created by the marginalized and try to make it your apple pie bullshit, you are appropriating a space that doesn’t belong to you. As a result, you have two choices: you can either educated yourself on the culture, its history, context, nuance, and decide its for you and dive in. Or you can leave. But it’s frankly gross af for you to barge in, try to rewrite history that in the case of the subculture, goes back decades, and in the case of gothic literature, centuries. That is the playbook of colonization (and I know you little fake woke shits are gonna derail the entire argument because of this but I haven’t seen any of y’all write a fucking 60 page thesis on nationalism, colonialism and antisemitism in France so get fucked).

I’m bad at conclusions so if you made it this far, any OG babes feel free to add on with your thoughts bc we old ass goths gotta stick together. Thanks for coming to my historical context essay.

#Beetlejuice #beetlejuice musical #Beetlejuice and Lydia #BeetleBabes #beetlejuice bway #anti culture #anti beetlebabes

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anxietysroomsupport · 3 years

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i found out pushing doesn't work. that's what my sister does when she thinks something's wrong, she pushes that she wants to go to the doctor. eventually our parents give in. i think i mentioned it because i sent an ask here recently, but my joints have been giving me grief lately. several months ago my knees kept feeling like my bones were grinding when i put weight on them for a few days. more recently, in january i think, after spending an hour or two outside, my hips did the (1/?)

(2/?) the same, that night and for the next few days. sometimes it was fine, usually better mid morning, but other times i couldn't put wait on them. it felt like they were grinding, or going to give up on me. it's been happening longer where i feel like if i move the wrong way, something will pop out. i try to sit up and swing my legs and my hips yell at me with slight pain, so even though they would probably just pop, i wait till it stops, just in case. because i don't want to see (2/?)

(3/?) what would happen if they didn't. but recently, a week or two after i started these new exercises (my mom thinks it's related to that, which it may be slightly, but i don't think so completely), modified push ups so i could get better core strength and stuff, my joints have started popping. started feeling like they'll go out more often. and i mean popping loudly. i kneeled earlier in the process of sitting up, and my sister, who was talking and a few feet away, asked me if i (3/?)

(4/?) okay. it only hurt a little, it's more just the sensation of the popping, tiny pain. but my right knee sort of buzzed, like my elbow did yesterday. except yesterday, my elbow hurt. it felt, just from a random movement, like it actually popped out for a moment, or tried to, and my elbows are usually fine. if it's the exercises, i don't want to just give up my hopes. i want to be able to one day walk on my hands. i know i'd never get back into it after this, even if it's not the (4/?)

(5/?) problem. anyways, sorry, there's a lot to say, i'll try to hurry this up. recently after reading something they flared, when it started happening nearly every time i move, then went down a little, and have stayed that way for about a week. the exercises have been making me feel a little stronger, and i just don't think they're doing this. but, i kept mentioning it. my pain. asking if people could hear it. only my sister cares to listen. she always cares. always listens. (5/?)

(6/?) mental or physical health she's there for me. she keeps saying that i really should go to the doctor, so i keep asking. i mentioned the knee thing to my mom. she said she kept researching but couldn't find anything narrow enough to be diagnosable. that i should just wear the shoes that i can't stand, stop the exercises, start up again with walking when my body calms down, as if it will. i can't stop now. but i don't think she'll take me. i think i have to wait till something bad (6/?)

(7/?) especially after the thing i read, i don't want to wait. i don't want to ignore the signs. if i could save myself so much pain, why can't i try? just two or three days ago i was getting into school when my hip started to hurt. the hallways are one way, so i have to walk around nearly the entire school to get to my class, and i only had a few minutes to get there. i just told myself to keep walking. ignore the fact that i could barely put weight on my right leg. i had to get to (7/8)

(8/?) class. but pushing doesn't work. i pushed to go to the doctor. i got in an argument. i had stuff to do and i was starting to cry, so i just said i wouldn't bring it up anymore. i'd stop. my sister's an adult. i just realized i can ask her to take me. if another bad thing happens, i will. if they flare up again, i will tell my parents that i need to go to the doctor. if they won't, i'll ask my sister. i don't want to. i know my mom tries. she said normally she would, but covid. (8/?)

(9/?) but i have to go. maybe it's nothing, or maybe i will have to stop doing the exercises, and break my heart a little bit more as i give up on another goal. but i have to. i have to. i can't cripple myself for life because i wouldn't go. i have no idea what could happen to me one day or some day soon even if i don't. maybe i'm just overreacting and i'm fine and it's growing pains but i haven't grown in 1 1/2 years and it hurts. and i'm so so tired. been reading, sorry it's like prose (9/9).

I sent an ask about my joints recently? Yeah, well, this. yesterday I was hesitantly diagnosed with Hypermobility Syndrome, pretty wide across my body but mainly in my lower body. basically the doctor said, that since it's the best guess, I need to go to Physical Therapy and try to strengthen my tendons and joints. so obviously I'm so glad to have a solution, maybe not be in so much pain anymore, but at the same time, I like being a little bendy. I'm not stretchy, not good at gymnastics (1/2)

(2/2) or whatever, but I do like feeling a little different. so I guess it's just like, what if PT makes it so I'm not bendy anymore? is it like those metaphors where you break a stick, then put a bunch together and can't break it? or am I folding the stick in half, forsaking mobility for strength? and I don't think that a diagnosis for an actual chronic illness has hit me yet, I know I'll be more nervous when my first PT comes in 3 days, but I still feel normal.

Hypermobile anon here, I believe I said I wished it was something a little more for some reason? Yeah, well, good news, I don't anymore. My pain is like, I'm in so much pain, but not actually that much, and I know that I both am and aren't, and it doesn't actually feel like that much, but it is? My point is, tonight's been really bad and I'm starting to think it's good the friend I tend to go outside on walks and stuff with was busy. Also, my mom, in complimenting my drive, (1/2)

(2/2) said that while my sibling was told to do physical therapy to keep their hand working and didn't do it as much as they should, I was doing physical therapy regularly and faithfully to stop my joints from aching. I know my family, mostly my parents, has lots of issues and then just powers through, but you'd think that my mom, who has a bunch going on (allergies, diabetes, random undiagnosable stuff), would understand chronic illness. To her, my joints ache. Sorry, it's not actually too bad.

Hi Anon,

First thing, so so sorry for the delay on this one. And it’s great that you have continued writing in with updates!

Thank goodness you did keep pushing and get your diagnosis (even if it may be a hesitant one)! You really could have ended up struggling for a long time. Arthritis would have been another guess if your doctor hadn’t come to Hypermobility Syndrome.

Hopefully your doctor is treating this seriously, but remember that if any doctor is trying to ignore your concerns, you can very clearly say to them, “If you’re not going to do tests I want it noted in my chart.”

From the advice of a lot of chronically ill folks, it is also strongly recommended to get your vitamin levels checked, especially b12, iron, and vitamin d. These can actually cause joint symptoms if they’re low enough and lots of things can affect your absorption of them.

It is definitely still possible to build muscle and continue to be flexible. It takes quite a lot of bulk to start limiting your range of movement, and physical therapy will probably be gradual enough that you can assess your flexibility as you go.

As far as feeling “normal”, having chronic illness actually is really common! In 2012, the National Health Council stated that roughly 133 million people in the U.S. were dealing with some kind of chronic condition.

It is awful that you’re in so much pain. Your doctor should also be helping you manage that, since strengthening your muscles isn’t going to be an immediate solution. That takes time, but you’re in a lot of pain right now. Anti-inflammatory painkillers can help with joint pain, and heat treatments like warm baths, hot water bottles, and heat-rub creams can be useful too. Beyond that, you might need prescription treatments.

Your mom is probably just trying to encourage you, but it’s small comfort compared to the level of pain you’re dealing with. People will often deal with chronic illness in different ways, especially different generations. It might help to find groups online that are dealing with similar issues, or chronic conditions in general. Places like reddit, facebook, etc will have groups or subreddits dedicated to creating a community, so you can share your experiences and find other people dealing with the same issues. You might ask your physical therapist if there are any in-person or online support groups locally.

You’ll have to find a way to manage your chronic illness, your way. If your mom doesn’t understand it, don’t worry about her. You got this. And your sister’s got your back.

-Kai, bun

#chronic illness #pain #diagnosis #doctors #family #sister #parents #mom #joint pain #hypermobility syndrome #treatment #physical therapy #medicine #long post

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greenstudies · 5 years

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Glow up tips/ideas

Here’s my little guide how to glow up in your life:

First, get your life together:

Organise and clean your home -Having clean home will make you feel better and lighter and therefore you will be more positive.

Have a life admin day -Write down all the stuff that needs to be done, all the appointments you need to get and everything that needs to be fixed. Then schedule in a day every month or every two weeks when you tick off these thing off your list.

Do your damn laundry

Create routines -They can be long and strict or short and very opened

Fight procrastination in all the ways you can

Take your mediaction and have regular health check ups

Now it’s time for mental health:

Make sure you eat and drink water regularly

Get a therapist if you feel like you need/want one

Practise your hobbies or find new ones

Listen to your favourite music

Meditate

Create a happy atmosphere for yourself -Buy plants and flowers, let your favourite music play in the background, let in as much ligh as you can.

Warm beverages

Be as positive as you can

Try to complain less

Don’t talk shit about people, especially not behind their back -You spread negative energy and hurt yourself in the process.

Say nice things to people, compliment them as much as you can -Being nice to poeple will affect your own mood for the better.

Talk about what you love, not what you hate

Get enough fresh air.

Glow up your mind!:

Read more books -Does not matter the genre

Watch movies and series

Learn new language -Even if it’s just a few words

Watch documents

Talk to people smarter than you

Try learning random fact every day

Find a new hobby

Think of ways to make your life better and help your surrounding -Minimalism? Zero waste? Vegetarian? It depends on you.

Find a new friend

Help people

And lastly the physical glow up:

Find out how much sleep you need and stick to it -Usually 8 hours are the norm

Play around with make up -You will fail and it might look wonky from the beginning. And maybe you won’t even like it. I want you to experiment.

Make sure to go make-up-less sometimes if you wear it often

Drink water -It won’t magically clear your skin completely but it will get better.

Wash your face in the morning and in the evening, but no soap if possible

Use as little skin products as you can -Sometimes less is more.

Lip balm

Eat vegetables every day -Every. single. day. It’s the best thing I have ever done for myself.

Eat oatmeal -It did wonders for my hair.

Stretch regularly

Exercise -Find something you have fun doing and do it as often as possible.

Avoid food with too much grease and sugar -You can have it but try to reduce it.

Prepare your outfit the night before -It gives you time to think about what you’ll wear and it’s nice to have it ready in the morning.

Get clothes you feel good and confident in

Get your dream hair colour! -Get crazy if you want

Learn to be comfortable with your body

Don’t shower every day -I know, I know... but listen... It’s actually much healthier for your skin to shower every other day and wash your hair even less. Plus it saves a lot of water.

Get a perfume -Have a scent

Get enough sun -You don’t have to be tan but getting sun on your skin is very healthy and it’s visible in other ways than tan.

Smile and spread joy

If you’re happy, show it -It’s contagious

Remember that beauty comes from within. That is why I put these tips in that order.

I hope I helped and have a great year!

EDIT: After over a year I added a few notes after seeing the way people reacted and felt about this. Everyone chose to ignore those notes in the reblog, therefore I’m adding them to the original post:

This post has been going around for a bit again and I wanted to address some things about it:

Some people labeled it as ableist and I want to fix that. Back when I posted this, I got defensive and it was the wrong thing to do. The problem is that I still can’t see the exact points and things that are ableist. If you can see them, please point them out to me, so I can fix them and alter them to include everybody

The idea of glowing up can be incredibly toxic and please don’t take this post as a list of things you must do. Glow up should be something coming from the need to pamper yourself and to feel better in your life. If you’re not able to do any of this, it doesn’t make you flawed. Don’t use this to “fix” yourself either. Love yourself first

The outrage about not taking daily showers is unnecessary. Everybody’s life and needs are different. Some people need more hygiene than others, some sweat more, some bodies need more attention than others. I’m not saying you can’t shower daily or that you shouldn’t. I’m saying it’s not always necessary and from biological standpoint it is unnecessary for an average person. No matter what, do what you’re comfortable with. But please don’t call other people gross just because their habits differ from yours. It migth be especially hurtful who can’t make themselves shower regularly due to mental illness or lack of opportunities

Skincare isn’t bad, what I’m pointing out here is making sure to let your body do its thing. Bodies get lazy and if you start using products you don’t need, your body might stop regulating its skin in natural ways. Plus you might throw things out of balance if you experiment too much. Minimal skin care might be better in most cases

Thank you for any additions and I apologise to all who find this post hurtful. I’ll do my best to make it better!

#the-diary-of-a-failure #studyblr #life style blog #study blog #glow up #mental health #beauty #health #student life #studies #tips #advice #list #testpost #school #studying #long post #get your life together #life hacks

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asksharedsouls · 3 years

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((hey its abt time I made an update. this update will be in TWO PARTS! and one part is optional cause it could possibly be a bummer maybe (talks of mental illness a little bit). part a is an explanation of why I haven't been here and part b is my plans. SIDE NOTE: THIS GOT LONG AND RAMBLY IM SORRY LOL

PART A: ok so u may be wondering why I keep doing.... literally nothing. my main reason is my depression, but another one is my very inconsistent interests, as well as my confidence I guess. my depression has been effecting my energy levels a lot more, whether it be from quarantine stuff or seasonal stuff or both, im not sure. but I spend a lot of the day asleep haha. and im going thru a mild med change to see if it helps? and as for the interests part, my interests fluctuate wildly, like for a hot minute there I was super into soul eater and stuff but I think im coming back to undertale again. and finally, the confidence issue: this like. torments me? a lot. thinking that I am NOT satisfied with shared souls as a whole and how I should have planned it better and made it more consistent. im very disappointed in how not creative I am as a person, and I am struggling to create a story im satisfied with. I have so many regrets of how ive done things and characterized these kiddos and stuff. HOWEVER I am aware this is my first time doing this and I really should cut myself some slack. not to mention, a fair amount of u seem to like this story and im very grateful for that, and I wish I wasn't such a perfectionist! but im super thankful for those of you who have stuck around.

PART B: yes I will finish this!!! even if it takes 100000 years!! I told myself I would so I WILL! however! I dont think how I will go about the story is set in stone and I wouldn't mind any opinions some of u may have! how ive been doing this is I have major plot points happen and I let things in between happen with the askers as they happen (for example, the chara and flowey bonding arc thing was planned, while visiting Gaster? completely out of the blue lol). but ive been considering letting the askers have more control over what happens, and I do more improv as a result. I definitely want Frisk to be more involved at the very least because I feel I haven't been doing them a lot of justice. I did have an ending planned, but I feel like I haven't built up to it very well, but I literally cant be sure if thats just me being hyper critical of myself and what I create.... I think ill stick with what I have unless I come up with something better along the way. BUT YOU GUYS!!! would u want me to keep doing things how im doing things, having major story moments planned out, or would you like me to throw those out the window and let u guys have more of a control on the story (WITHIN REASON.... I dont want to do out of the blue things like AUs or just complete randomness if that makes sense?) and I adapt around that! personally, I think im fine with either result tbh! im trying to be happy that I am just... creating something, yknow?

#ooc #update #long post #((not really related but im hoping now that I am better at art than I was at the beginning I can make like. better backgrounds for the blog

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superwholockian444 · 4 years

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BAU X Southern! Female! Reader

I’m from South Georgia, have a strong southern drawl, and CANNOT what so ever, find any southern readers, except there are two, for Bucky Barnes and Tom Hiddleston if you type southern reader into the search bar on here. They’ll be closer to the end. But anyway, this is based off that one episode where Morgan tells Rossi he’s never been fishing. this is 1,020 words and only two pages on word online so... i do plan on writing more of these to go with this.

You were walking by the door when you heard those words. They immediately caused you to backtrack and fully open Rossi’s door to step in.

“Did you just say that you’ve never been fishin’? Well, after this case, we have a mandatory two day break. Don’t bother making’ plans.” With those words you left the room causing Morgan and Rossi to turn to each other and with a raised eyebrow.

As soon as the words “Wheels up in thirty.” Left SSA Hotchner’s mouth, you said,

“Everyone wait a moment please. Due to Morgan bringin’ up the fact that he has never been fishin’ before, let’s try and finish this case by Wednesday so we have until Monday off. Y’all need clothes for hot weather, and I want the young'uns to come with us. I’ll take care of all the expenses, all I ask is that y’all be ready by 6 o’clock a.m. Thursday morning.” You stated before gathering your stuff.

“Where exactly would we be going L/n?” Hotch questioned, the rest of the team looking up at you.

“Well, I’m goin’ home, and y’all are comin’ with me. I figured it’s been long enough since I last seen my kin folks, I was plannin’ a trip down there soon, might as well take y’all with me. So, y’all get ready for Fitzgerald, Georgia.” The last part was tossed over my shoulder as I made my way to my desk and grabbed my go bag.

As Penelope walked passed me going to her bat cave, I stopped her.

“Hey Penny, make sure you pack some flip flops, tennis shoes, and shorts okay? I know you like them big ole nice lookin’ dresses like you got on now, but it’s gunna be ‘mpractical where I’ll be takin’ y’all.” With my advice, she looked surprised.

“Wait, you were talking about me to?” It showed on her face as she turned to face me completely.

“Course darlin’ bring stuff you’d wear to the park on a hot summers night. And sun block.” She nodded before huggin me tightly around my middle and dashing off to her layer.

After boarding the jet, and reviewing the case once more, J.J. asked about Will and Henry, wondering if it would be safe for her child.

“Of course Hun, the ponds I plan on takin’ y’all to are private property, so y’all won’t need a fishin’ license, and I’ve been goin’ to ‘em since I was knee high to a grasshopper. I think that both Jack and Henry will have fun messin’ around and fishin’. I mean, I’ll be able to when I teach Morgan how to fish.” I reassured her as I patted her hand.

Morgan, who had heard my last comment turned to me and said,

“Hey now sweetheart, Pretty boy over there don’t know how to fish either.” I gasped as I realize he was absolutely right.

“I can’t believe that actually slipped my mind. Reid, I’m sure you’ll love it. You can use math to see how far from shore you’ll needa throw to catch ya a big un. And do you know if Savannah’s coming Derek? I know she’s usually busy with the hospital.” I tore my gaze off of Spencer and turn my eyes to Derek as I asked him the question.

“She actually will be able to. Somehow, she got Thursday to Monday off. No idea how that happened though.” He shrugged and began to fiddle with his telephone. i grinned a secret grin, knowing that i had personal connections with the person who created the schedule at the hospital Savannah worked at.

“How about y’all Rossi? Hotch?” I glanced at the men who sat across from each other.

“What kind of fish are we most likely to catch?” was what came out of Rossi’s mouth.

“well, catfish, bass, white perch, maybe some crappies among others. You should be fine with a regular pole and some 10-pound line. what about you and Jack, Hotch?” i turn to look at the man as i finish answering Rossi’s question.

“i don't have any plans and it isn't soccer season so yeah, you said six?” his baritone rang through the air.

“right-o sir. it won't be exactly 6, but no later than 6:30 hopefully. I'll pick Spencer, Emily, Garcia, the Morgan and his old lady, JJ and them, then ill pick up you and Jack, with Rossi being the last one. unless any of yall wanna take your own transportation, i was planning on renting a bus or van of some sort. i mean, with the young'uns on a road trip, and having to deal with Morgan all the way down there, phew.” I raised my voice during the last part, messing with Derek.

“Hey now, Y/N, i think that it’ll be Pretty Boy here that you'll have to worry about. get him started on Quantum Physics and he’ll never shut up about it.” Morgan jest at the younger man.

“Actually, the theory of the Quantum relm is actually rather spectacular. how it happens I-.” just before Reid could lift his hands up and dig deeper into the subject, he was beginning to talk about Morgan cut in with

“Kid, you know that the only other person on here that would know anything about that is Y/N, and that's only because she's a comic nerd.”

“I'll have you know that I learned about the Quantum relm through a movie thank you very much sir.” the words escaped before i could stop myself.

“oh yeah. and what movie was that mama?” with raised eyebrows he asked his question.

“Antman and the Wasp.” i mumble.

“sorry, couldn't hear you there, do what?” oh he had heard me, i could tell by the smirk on his face.

“Antman and the Wasp.” i say, color high on my cheeks.

“a superhero movie, that's what I thought. nerd.” he leaned his head back with a laugh.

“Spence, i would love to know more about the quantum relm and quantum physics.” i say, looking at the man before turning slightly to the left to stick my tongue out at Morgan.

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st-crylo · 4 years

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Rebound

Part 2

A/N: I’m gonna try to keep this updated weekly, especially since the response to it has been so good :,). Thank you guys so much, I really appreciate y’all for taking time to read my fics!!

Warnings: mostly just swearing, alcohol mention, tobacco use, infidelity

Word Count: 6.2K

Tagging:@haylaansmi @nankstasty @thomasscresswell

Masterlist

As you walked through the door, you saw your mom waiting for you in the kitchen, reading some article in a magazine. When she heard the door close, she looked up and smiled at you.

“How was the first day back?” she asked, a little too enthusiastically.

“Not terrible. Made some new friends,” you replied before heading up the stairs to your room, trying to avoid any more questions. You didn’t want to have to lie to your mom about the new friends you’d made, especially since she saw Kylo how everyone else did.

Closing the door to your room, you heaved a sigh before throwing your backpack onto the ground, and plopping down on your bed, pulling out your phone to see an email. Curious, you opened the notification, then groaned when you saw who the sender was.

(y/n), we really need to talk. I understand that you probably have me blocked, so I had to go to drastic measures. As much as there is I want to say to you, a lot of it can’t be said over an email. However, I do think you should know that I really don’t think you should be hanging out with Ben Solo. He’s not the kind of person someone like you should hang around, and he’s nothing more than a common criminal. I’m only looking out for you. I love you, Shawn.

You wanted to throw your phone across the room, scream at the top of your lungs, and maybe break something. The rage inside you was boiling hot, and you felt like a kettle, left on the stove too long. What kind of desperate asshole decides an email is a great way to contact the girl you cheated on? Why did he even expect a response from you? Most importantly, how dare he claim to love you. The whole thing had you heated, but you held your composure as you deleted the email, and pulled the little slip of paper with Kylo’s number on it out.

You stared at the number, and thought about Kylo’s idea. If you were being completely honest, Shawn’s email made you consider it more seriously. After all, it was obvious that the idea of you even hanging around Kylo set something off in him. If the two of you were to “date,” he would probably lose his shit. Admittedly, the idea of watching Shawn implode like that would be kinda fun.

At the same time, you didn’t know this person. Not Kylo, you’d known him so long, even though today seemed more like a reintroduction instead of a reunion. No, you weren’t sure you knew who you were. You’d never wished ill upon someone like this, and certainly never considered going through with something so major in order to upset someone. That had never really been your style, and you’d always looked down at people who did stuff like that.

But did you really know yourself at all?

You’d been with Shawn for three years, all of high school, really. Those were the most formative years of your life, and they’d been shaped by your boyfriend. Were you really this suburban good girl, who only had good friends, had never even been to a high school party, and certainly never rebelled against even her parents? Or were those things that Shawn had shaped you to be? After all, the more you thought about it, the more you realised his opinions had affected a lot of the way you acted. So now, you were left at an impasse. Were you really who you’d acted as your first three years of high school, or were you someone else entirely that you’d never gotten to discover?

You created a contact for Kylo on your phone, and typed up a message.

What exactly would us “dating” entail?

You started at the screen of your phone as you watched the dots appear as Kylo started texting back. There was a little bit of anxiety in your chest, but the idea of “dating” Kylo filled you with a sense of thrill as well.

We wouldn’t be “dating” right away. We’d pretend to flirt for a while and then start dating. Do basic couple shit at school, but especially wherever him or his little friends can see.

Made sense. It wouldn’t be smart to jump straight to dating, that would be too suspicious. Admittedly, you weren’t entirely sure how to flirt, but you were sure you could get some advice somewhere. You pulled up your keyboard to respond.

We should also make sure to go on dates, too. That way, we can convince your parents we’re dating too.

After all, Kylo had to have something in it as well, and he said he wanted to convince his parents he was improving.

Shit, I forgot about that. I’ll have to bring you around Gran and Granpa too, if that’s okay with you.

Yeah, that’s fine.

So is that a yes?

You thought for a moment. Was this really the decision you wanted to make? Then, you thought about the picture, and thought about the email.

Hell yeah.

***

The next morning, you didn’t have to fight so hard to get out of bed. You actually took the time to throw on some jeans instead of leggings. Most importantly, your heart didn’t feel so heavy. It was like you finally had an inkling of hope in the form of revenge. Looking out of your bedroom window, you noticed how the sky was still overcast, but there was no rain. However, just to be on the safe side, you threw on your jacket and made sure to bring your umbrella.

Walking down the steps, you peeked into the kitchen from the top of the stairs, making sure the coast was clear before continuing your descent. Your dad was there, sipping his morning coffee and reading something on his phone, but your mom was nowhere in sight. Letting out a small sigh of relief, you continued down the stairs, noticing your lunch bag and a small note on the island.

“Morning, (y/n),” your dad said, not looking up from his phone.

“Morning,” you responded before picking up the note.

Morning, dear. I had to head to work early today, but I went ahead and packed your lunch. Have a good day at school! Love, mom.

A small frown pulled the corners of your mouth down a little. You loved your mom, but she had been trying too hard to cheer you up instead of letting you simply wallow in your misery for a couple of days. You neatly folded the note and put it in your pocket before taking your lunch off the counter.

“Bye, dad,” you said as you headed for the front door. Your dad gave you a final wave goodbye before you opened the door, heading out into the world.

Unsurprisingly, Kylo was sitting there, presumably waiting for you as he leaned against the back of his Mustang, smoking his morning cigarette. He must’ve been out there for a while, because he dropped the butt onto the ground before stomping it out and picking it back up. When he came back up, he noticed you and smiled.

“Want another ride?” He asked, standing straight and running a hand through his long hair.

“Beats walking,” you said, walking up to the Skywalker driveway and climbing into the car as Kylo threw his cigarette butt away. Kylo climbed in next, starting the car as soon as he closed the door.

“So my uncle told Gran and Granpa that you and I have been hanging out,” Kylo started as he pulled out of the driveway. “Can you believe they already want you over for dinner?”

You shook your head with a smile on your face. Even though they were your next door neighbors, you hadn’t really spoken to Kylo’s grandparents. “Sounds like fun. When?”

“Friday,” Kylo responded

You simply nodded in response before staring out of the passenger window. Then, you remembered.

“Do you want to hear about something Shawn sent to me yesterday?” you asked, turning to Kylo. He furrowed his brows in confusion as he glanced at you from his peripherals.

“Did you not block him?” he asked, the same confusion he wore on his face mixed into his tone.

“No, I did. He sent me this through email, if you can believe it,” you said.

“Go ahead, I’m all ears,” he replied.

You recalled the contents of the email to the best of your ability, and as you did, you watched Kylo’s knuckles slowly turn white as he tightened his grip on the steering wheel.

“And after all of that, he has the nerve to say he loves me? After everything he’s put me through, he has the balls to say he loves me? Apparently not, if he’s perfectly okay sticking his tongue down some other girl’s throat,” you said with an angry huff, as tears threatened to fall. They weren’t sad tears, however. No, these were the tears of pure unbridled rage that only became realized when you talked about the situation out loud. It was weird, but admittedly the feeling was welcome. You were tired of being sad, and angry was a much better improvement. At least with anger you could stop moping around.

“I hate that shit,” Kylo commented as he stopped at the red light at the end of the neighborhood. “They always try to tell you they love you, but if they loved you they wouldn’t have cheated in the first place. Fuck that.”

“My sentiments exactly.” There was another good thing about Kylo; he could relate to you. You knew that none of your friends had ever been cheated on before, so it was a lot harder to talk to them about it. Kylo, though, he knew the pain, the resentment, everything. He would know exactly how you were feeling and not make any judgments-not that he would do it whether or not he’d experienced it anyways. It was such a different change of scenery, it was honestly refreshing.

Not that you didn’t love your friends, you treasured them dearly. There was just something about knowing someone who’d had the same experiences as you.

The light turned green and Kylo drove forward into the school parking lot, maneuvering into his spot. When he placed the car in park, there was a small ding from his phone, and he grabbed it, checking the notification.

“Milo’s gonna drop Sami and Alan off, so they’re gonna hang with us before class. Means you can meet Milo,” Kylo said before texting a reply. You didn’t know why, but you had a really good feeling about Milo. After all, he was a friend of Kylo’s.

It was about five minutes later when a grey Honda Civic pulled up beside the two of you. Needless to say, that was not what you were expecting. You watched as Sami and Alan stepped out of the Honda Civic, followed by who you assumed was Milo.

He was maybe an inch taller than Kylo, his hair bleached white with dark brown barely peeking out at the roots of his hair. He had a cigarette between his lips, and you wondered if that was where Kylo had picked up the habit. When Kylo rolled down your window, he leaned against the car and peered in through the window while Alan and Sami climbed into the backseat behind the driver’s seat. Once they were in the back, Kylo set the seat back, settling in and closing the door.

“You must be (y/n),” he said, holding out his hand to you. You shook his hand and smiled up at him.

“That’s me,” you answered before dropping your hand onto your lap.

“So, are we still on for Friday?” Milo asked, turning to Kylo. Kylo frowned before letting out a sigh.

“Shit, I forgot. Told my grandparents that me and (y/n) would have dinner with them. If you wanna go later though, I can probably sneak out,” Kylo responded, running a hand through his hair.

“That’s fine, just don’t get caught. Wanna come along too, (y/n)? Sami, Alan, Phasma, and Pat are coming,” Milo said, turning back to you.

“Where exactly?” you asked, turning to Kylo.

“Jordan’s place, she graduated with Milo. She’s having a kickback before heading to Coruscant for college,” Kylo explained.

“I don’t want to intrude,” you started, a little uncomfortable about being invited to the house of someone you didn’t know.

“If you go, Kylo might not have to sneak out,” Sami suggested from the back. “Besides, Jordan’s really chill, I think you’d like her.”

“How would her going with me make it to where I don’t have to sneak out?” Kylo asked, turning around to face Sami.

“Well, no one really expects (y/n) to go to a party. She could just tell your grandparents that the two of you are going to study,” Sami offered. As you thought it over, it was a pretty decent idea. You didn’t really have the party reputation, and everyone knew it.

“I’m game,” you answered. Kylo looked at you with a look of surprise, but simply shrugged as he pulled out a cigarette from the box.

“Sick. I’ll see you Friday then. I gotta go, I have a shift in thirty minutes. See ya, Alan, bye babe!” Milo said before blowing a kiss to Sami. She smiled back at him and waved goodbye as he climbed back into his car, driving off out of the parking lot.

“Oh, (y/n), you might wanna tell your parents you’re staying at my place on Friday night,” Sami said as Kylo lit his cigarette. “Jordan usually has drinks at her ‘kickbacks.’” You nodded as you looked back at her.

“So did he ask you yet?” came Alan’s voice, his eyes refusing to leave the screen of his phone.

“As a matter of fact,” Kylo said after taking the first drag of his cig. “I did. Me and (y/n) are planning to ‘date.’ And Sami thought I wouldn’t have the balls.” He blew the smoke out of the window, before taking another drag.

“I never said that,” Sami said with a frown. “I just said that your explanation of your plan seemed a little lacking. I’m glad you agreed, though, (y/n). Shawn’s a piece of shit.”

“You’re telling me,” you said as you let out a sigh. “Can’t wait to see the look on his smug little face when I start ‘dating’ someone he hates. Wasn’t aware that Kylo shared his plan with everyone, though.” A small flush arose in Kylo’s cheeks, and he didn’t make eye contact with you.

“You would be surprised, when he’s not being an emo prick, he won’t shut the fuck up,” Alan added, looking up with a smirk. Kylo looked back at him with his brows furrowed.

“Like you’re one to talk,” Kylo huffed out. He finished up the last of his cigarette before checking the clock. It was 8:00 already.

“Shit, let’s get going, punks,” Sami said, lightly kicking the back of Kylo’s seat.

“Fuck, I’m getting out. Hand me my bag,” Kylo said as he tossed the cigarette butt into the car’s ashtray. Without warning, a black backpack went flying towards Kylo and hit him on the chest. “Fuck you, Sami.” He grabbed his bag by the straps and stepped out of the car, bringing the seat forward so Sami and Alan could climb out. You stepped out of the car and closed the door behind you, putting your backpack onto your shoulders while you waited for everyone to step out. Kylo walked forward first and you fell into step beside him.

As the four of you walked into the building, you could feel people turn to stare at you, and you remembered your reputation. You weren’t the kind of girl to hang out with Kylo Ren and his ilk, you were one of the good girls. A small voice in the back of your head resented that.

Alan split off pretty quickly, bidding his farewell before heading to his first class. Sami was next, saying she wanted to be early to art, so she said her goodbye before speeding away.

“Guess I’ll see you at lunch,” Kylo said as the two of you parted, and you headed for your econ class.

Much like yesterday, the pace of which your first two classes moved was painfully slow. You weren’t surprised, the first day of actual class was horrible, but you tried to stay focused and take notes. Whenever you got distracted, though, you kept thinking about the plan you and Kylo had established. It felt like the perfect revenge, “dating” someone Shawn hated. However, the more you thought about it, the more you wondered why exactly Shawn hated Kylo. Kylo had said it was because he’d punched Shawn, but you felt like there was something there that you were missing, some truth that Kylo didn’t want to say.

You couldn’t worry about it too much, though. It was Kylo’s business, and you didn’t want to pry if he didn’t want to tell you exactly what had happened. You definitely weren’t going to go to Shawn for the reason, and you doubted that Shawn would tell you the truth anyways, so it would have to remain an unsolved mystery in your mind.

Lunch could not have come sooner, and as you flowed into the cafeteria with the rest of the people who had third lunch, you looked around for your new group of friends. You saw Phasma first, who waved at you to come over to her. As you walked closer, you watched as she stepped out to the outdoor seating, and you followed, noticing everyone else sitting there too. There were only a handful of other groups outside as well, so it was much more quiet and calm than being in the loud cafeteria.

“Man, Mr. Jinn’s class is kicking my ass,” you heard Alan say as you sat down between Phasma and Kylo.

“How, it’s only the second day of classes?” Phasma asked before biting into a roll.

“Have you ever had Mr. Jinn’s class, Phasma?” Kylo asked, putting a bookmark in the book he was reading.

“No.”

“Then don’t say shit. He’s a cool guy, but damn he gives a lot of homework. Alan, if you need help, don’t come to me,” Kylo said, leaning against the table. Alan frowned as he looked up at Kylo.

“Wow, thanks, Kylo, you’re such a hero,” he quipped.

“So, (y/n), how was the beginning of your second day?” Sami asked, pushing aside her untouched lunch as she leaned forward to talk to you.

“It was alright, but I’m getting tired of people staring at me,” you responded. Even though you’d tried your hardest to focus, the whispers were still hard to ignore. It almost felt like you were being punished for Shawn’s actions.

“People don’t know how to mind their own goddamn business,” Phasma stated. “They just want shit to gossip about. When you’re not the fresh gossip anymore, they’ll all but forget you exist.”

“I can’t wait for that to happen. I’m tired of hearing rumors about something involving me. Especially since I basically don’t know shit,” you admitted. This caused Sami to raise her eyebrows.

“How do you mean? If you don’t mind, of course.” For a second, you pondered on whether or not you wanted to talk about it, but your doubt washed away pretty quickly. It was amazing how comfortable you felt around these people. You did look around the courtyard though, to make sure there was no one there that you didn’t want to hear what you were talking about. When you decided the coast was clear, you let out a sigh before you spoke.

“Well, on Thursday, I was sent a picture,” you started, feeling the pang in your chest, but not as fiercely as you did yesterday. “It was of Shawn making out with some girl. I’m guessing it was one of his friends who sent it to me, but it wasn’t from a number I had saved. I’m also assuming that whoever it was that sent the picture also sent it to a lot of people. I got a lot of messages that night from people I’d maybe spoken to once about what happened, but the thing is, I don’t know what happened. I didn’t want Shawn’s explanation, because I didn’t think he’d be truly honest, and I wasn’t sure who to ask about it. Shawn’s friends would probably defend him.”

Sami’s face turned to one of deep thought, as if she was trying to solve some kind of puzzle.

“Did you think about texting the sender?” Alan asked. When he said it, you felt kind of dumb for not thinking about it.

“I did not,” you admitted.

“I can write something up for you,” Sami offered. “That way you don’t have to look at the picture again.” You shrugged, and handed your phone to Sami, who took it in her hands, bringing it close to her face. She tapped on what you assumed was the conversation with the sender, and for a moment, you could have sworn there was shock in her eyes. If it had been there, it didn’t last, as her face instantly went back to the one of thought. She hesitated a moment, then started typing away.

“How does this sound: Hey, I want to thank you for sending this. Do you mind telling me how you came upon this picture?” She said aloud.

“Yeah, that sounds fine,” you said. Sami tapped the screen again, sending the message, before handing your phone back to you. A part of you felt a little anxious. On the one hand, you wanted to know the story behind the photo, but at the same time, you wanted to remain willfully ignorant. It mostly branched from a fear inside you that he’d been cheating for a long time.

However, the rest of lunch passed, and you hadn’t received any messages. While it was a little relieving, it still added on to the anxiety that had settled in the pit of your stomach. You tried to ignore it though, as you and Kylo headed to physics, the two of you walking in a comfortable silence.

When you got to Mr. Windu’s class, the two of you took your seats, while people whispered from around the room.

“Can you believe she’s hanging out with him now?”

“She really shouldn’t lower her standards like that just because of what happened.”

The last one had you whipping around, trying to find the person who said it. Everyone looked away when you did, though, so there was no clear suspect, but it didn’t prevent you from glaring at everyone around the room. At least, you did until you saw Shawn walk in. Once you caught even the slightest glimpse out of the corner of your eye, you turned back around, boiling in your anger.

“Don’t worry about it,” Kylo said softly, unbothered by the whispers. “I’m the town disappointment, of course they’re going to say that.” You looked up at Kylo and frowned.

“What makes them so holy to pass judgement like that? I’m sure they’ve all done fucked up shit too, their parents just aren’t as in the spotlight as yours,” you huffed out as Mr. Windu began to take roll.

When Mr. Windu’s lecture started, you were your normal studious self, taking detailed notes and making sure to get any equations down. Every once in a while, you would look over to Kylo’s notes and noticed the bare minimum of notes being taken. At one point, you looked at him incredulously. He simply shrugged before writing in the margins of your notes.

I’ve always been good at science. You let out a small huff of air before writing back.

Lucky. Kylo smiled before looking back up at the board, where Mr. Windu was writing another equation.

When the bell rang, you quickly shoved your stuff into your backpack, and waited for Kylo so the two of you could get to fourth block. Once Kylo had his stuff packed, the two of you were off. You were free, at least that was what you thought. The notion of freedom disappeared when you felt a hand on your shoulder, causing you to stop in your tracks, and for Kylo to stop as well. Turning around, you had to resist the incredible urge to punch Shawn in the face.

“You haven’t been responding to my messages,” he stated. He was obviously trying to sound hurt, but you could hear that hint of anger in his voice. It was something you were familiar with, but it was weird for it to be directed at you.

“Fuck off, Alvarez,” Kylo said, stepping forward, his figure looming over you. You looked up at Kylo and shook your head.

“I don’t remember asking your opinion, Solo,” Shawn said, trying to puff out his chest. It was kind of funny to see, honestly, because he was at least six inches shorter than Kylo. Despite how funny a part of you found Shawn’s response, though, you stepped between them.

“Have you considered that the reason I haven’t responded to you is because I don’t give a fuck about what you have to say?” You finally said, crossing your arms as you looked at Shawn. Looking at him straight on like this for the first time in a week was causing your stomach to churn, and your heart to clench, but you were tired, in every sense of the word. You just wanted to be left alone to deal with your emotions, and not have him harassing you every three seconds.

“You have to let me explain myself-” he started, but you let out a laugh, one of those laughs that dripped of sarcasm and anger.

“I don’t have to let you do shit. You cheated on me, end of story. Please, just leave me alone,” you said before turning around and walking off. After a few seconds, you heard Kylo begin to follow you, catching up to you with ease and falling into step beside you, not saying a word. You appreciated that, as you were trying your hardest not to cry. As much as you thought your anger had taken over your sadness, it was really just a blanket. At this moment, it felt like you were shriveling from the inside, and anything said to you would immediately cause you to start sobbing. It was a special kind of hurt, being cheated on. So many emotions ran through your head, but the one that remained in your heart always lingered; why weren’t you enough?

The two of you walked into fourth block not but two minutes before the bell rang. You took the same seat you sat in yesterday, and settled in your seat, breathing deeply to keep yourself calm. You saw Sami and Phasma both look at Kylo, confused looks on their faces. Kylo merely shook his head before pulling out a notebook. Taking one final deep breath, you did the same, sitting straight as you waited for Mr. Skywalker to call roll.

Once he’d done so, he picked up a crate, placing it on the desk nearest to him.

“Alright, go ahead, come up, and grab your copy of Beowulf,” he said.

“I’ll get them.” Kylo said as he stood, walking up to the crate and waiting behind your other classmates as he waited to grab the books. When he came back, he handed a book to each of you, and you gave him a half smile. It was all you could really manage, but Kylo matched it with a little more enthusiasm than you.

Once everyone had their books, Mr. Skywalker decided to go into the history of Beowulf. However, during his explanation, you began to zone out. You really just wanted to go home, curl up in your room, and sleep until tomorrow came. You did feel a hand tap you, and you turned to Kylo, who was holding out a slip of paper to you, while keeping his eyes on the board. You took the folded paper from his hand, and opened it up. On the paper were two phone numbers, the top one being Phasma’s, and the lower being Sami’s. You typed both into your phone and sent a simple “hey” to each number. Sami responded back.

You okay?

With a sigh, you started typing on your keyboard.

Yeah, just had a run-in with my ex. You watched Sami out of the corner of your eye as she read your message and responded.

Shit, I’m sorry. She then sent a picture of a ridiculously fat cat, which actually did make you smile.

The rest of class passed by pretty quickly, even after the class started the beginning of the poem aloud, which, like anyone else, you had to admit was the worst part of class. When Mr. Skywalker had decided the class had done enough reading, everyone began to pack up as they waited for the final bell to ring to let them out of class. Phasma and Sami both turned around in their seats to strike conversation for the last few minutes of class.

“Glad that’s over,” Phasma said, frowning. “Why do we have to read aloud in the first place?”

“Torture,” Sami said sagely. “We’re meant to suffer.”

“Pretty sure it’s so that people can gain confidence reading aloud and speaking in front of a crowd,” Kylo said as he leaned back in his seat, looking at his phone.

“What academic input, truly an improvement for such a delinquent,” Phasma quipped, causing Kylo to look up from his phone, eyebrows raised, before returning to staring at the screen. “So, I heard you’re coming to Jordan’s on Friday.” Phasma now turned to you.

“Yeah. I’m actually pretty excited,” you said, leaning forward to feel more present in the conversation.

“As you should be, Jordan knows how to have fun,” Sami said, making herself sound like an expert in the subject of Jordan. You laughed as the bell rang, standing up and stretching before slinging your backpack onto your shoulder. You watched as Finn, Poe, Rey, and Rose all walked by, waving at you as they went. You waved back to each of them, but frowned a little once they’d passed. You hadn’t really spoken to them much since Thursday, and you felt kinda bad about it. You would talk to them tonight, you decided.

Soon, the four of you filed out of the classroom, walking at a comfortable pace as Kylo and Phasma walked together, talking about skating. You and Sami walked side by side in silence, until Sami leaned closer to you, so that the two in front of you couldn’t hear.

“I think I know who the girl in the picture is. Text me when you get home,” she said before drifting away again. You felt your chest tighten, but you only nodded, deciding to change the subject.

“I’m gonna tell my mom I’m staying at your place Friday night when I get home. She’s a little weird about sleepovers, so she might want to talk to you,” you said as your group reached the front of the school.

“Hey, I can probably just tell my grandparents that the three of us are gonna study at your place,” Kylo offered.

“Yeah, that works. After all, I am the only one of your friends who hasn’t wound up with the title ‘delinquent,’” Sami quipped. Kylo gave a frown in response, before stopping in front of the entrance to the school.

“Well, we’ll see you tomorrow,” Kylo said. The two of you waved goodbye before heading to Kylo’s car. There was silence at first as the two of you climbed into the car, and Kylo started the engine, but it was broken with a sigh from Kylo.

“We don’t have to do this, you know. If Shawn’s just gonna harass you for even being around me, it isn’t really worth it,” he said, pulling out of his parking spot. You couldn’t help but let out your own sigh.

“That’s not the reason he’s harassing me,” you started. “He’s harassing me because he thinks he can still control me, and convince me that he didn’t mean it. Honestly, the easiest way to get him to leave me alone is if we stick to the plan.” It was a frustrating realization, but it was certainly true. If Shawn thought you had moved on, he was probably more likely to leave you alone. Sure, he’d probably have some choice words to say about you, but you seriously doubted that he’d say them to your face.

The rest of the drive home was spent with the music loud, Kylo occasionally singing along softly. When the two of you pulled into the driveway, you waited before stepping out, and turned to Kylo.

“Thanks for sticking up for me again. You really don’t have to do that,” you said. Kylo shook his head and ran a hand through his ebony hair.

“You’re my friend, (y/n). I’ll always stick up for you,” he responded before turning the car off. You gave him a small smile before opening the door.

“See you in the morning,” you said before stepping out.

“See ya, bright and early,” he responded with a smirk. You shook your head as you turned to head to your house.

Upon walking in the door, you saw your mom sitting at the dining room table. She was looking at what looked to be some documents from work, but she looked up when you closed the door, and gave you a warm smile.

Here goes, you thought to yourself before returning her smile, and walking up to the table.

“How was your day, honey?” she asked, shifting her attention to you.

“It was good. Actually, my friend Sami invited me to stay at her place on Friday,” you responded. You actually felt a lot of anxiety in your chest, but you were trying your hardest not to let it show. You’d never really lied to your parents like this before, and it was strange for that to start your senior year, but you actually really wanted to go. The opportunity to hang out with your new set of friends, not to mention Kylo, was so exciting.

“Oh, is this that new friend you were talking about yesterday?” she asked. It almost looked like there was a great deal of happiness in her eyes. They practically lit up, and you couldn’t really say you blamed her. After all, after you’d gotten home on Thursday, you had shut yourself in your room, refusing to come out. Making new friends and being invited to one of their houses? It was definitely an upgrade.

“Yeah. She’s really cool, and she’s trying to get into art school,” you said, smiling at your mom.

“Alright, but I want you to message me throughout the night. Are you gonna head home with her that night?” Your heart dropped at that. You hadn’t mentioned anything about Kylo- obviously- and you were supposed to be having dinner with the Skywalkers on Friday as well. There really was no point in lying about that, it would be too easy to get caught.

“Actually, I’m supposed to have dinner with the Skywalkers next door that night, too. I’ve been getting rides from Ben, and his grandparents invited me to dinner,” you said, waiting for shit to hit the fan. Surprisingly, your mother’s face didn’t turn red, but she did frown.

“I don’t know about you hanging around with Ben Solo…” you could tell she was trying to be delicate, but there was no mistaking in her voice that she felt the same way about him that all the parents did. You knew another lie was needed in this scenario too.

“He has been giving me rides, and they really just want us to be friends because they think I’ll make him be a little more responsible. But he did offer to take me to Sami’s house too. I promise, when I get there, I’ll take a picture with Sami and send it to you,” you said. You could see the cogs turning over in her head as she thought it over. When she finally let out a sigh, you knew she had relented.

“Alright, but I want to see you after dinner, before you leave for Sami’s, okay?” she said. You smiled and nodded before turning on your heels, heading for the stairs.

“I’m gonna go ahead and get started on dinner,” she called as you practically skipped up the stairs.

When you got into your room, you let your backpack fall to the ground before plopping onto your bed and pulling your phone. You had two messages. One was from Sami, and you remembered what she had told you earlier. With a pang in your chest, your excitement for Friday extinguished, you decided to look at the other message.

It was from the sender of the picture.

#kylo ren #kylo ren fanfiction #star wars fanfic #kylo ren x reader #kylo ren x you #reader insert #reader insert fanfic #highschool au

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iovnyu · 4 years

Text

happy ending (6/?)

summary: being cinderella’s daughter has many pros and cons but on top of that you are soon becoming responsible for the citizens of auradon. the first thing you do to show the citizens of your worthiness is by creating a program to bring kids from the isle of the lost, a isolated island where villains and their kids are held, onto auradon. with this new program, you undergo harsh realities and maybe a little bit of love and drama along the way, who knows?

a/n: hello im very inconsistent on updates,, im sorry lol. ill try to be better at it in the future. also im making things go a little faster so enjoy !!!

y/n knew that there would be many opinions regarding her orders, but she never knew it would be like this. she had never felt that scared for her life that much. when she had walked out of the meeting hall, it almost looked like something out of a movie -- people were yelling and threatening her life. in other words, the citizens of auradon were raining hell on her right now.

y/n was currently positioned in an awkward pose as she watched the news. flipping through the channels, she noticed that most of the news anchors all had said the same thing about the statement. not a single one mentioned a positive effect that came out of the meeting.

“princess y/n.” a guard came into her room and bowed. she now had to have double the amount of protection considering the anger of the citizens.

“prince seokmin, prince jun and prince mingyu are here to see you. do you want their presence?” the guard asked.

“uhm... sure! why not?” she leaned closer to see his nametag, “mr. mark lee.”

mark bowed and opened the door for y/n to see jun, mingyu and seokmin with her favorite snacks piled in their hands. “princess y/n you can not be sulking right now because guess what? your favorite princes are here to get your mind off of the previous hours and replace that time with happiness!!” seokmin announced, dumping a series of spicy chip bags onto your bed.

“yes! we cannot have our princess be sad, otherwise we will be sad and then all of eternity will be sad. do you want that prince jun?” mingyu pointed to jun.

“no! i certainly do not! princess y/n?” jun said looking at y/n.

“fine! but it is only because i am dying of boredom right now.” y/n smiled at her friends, mentally thanking ariel, mulan and aurora for having the best children and being best friends with her mother.

they all cheered and started opening each bag of chips so they don’t have to stick to one. they all had their designated chips, but the production of spicer chips gets better everyday thus having way too many bags for the night.

“should we watch a movie or a show? oh my god, i heard that the british baking show released a new season!!” mingyu squealed.

“what? really?” jun asked. mingyu nodded his head and turned on the tv that was bigger than his bed. he quickly found fairyflick and searched up the show.

“guys, we have already discussed that my bed is big, why are you guys so close to me?” y/n rolled her eyes, making sure that the two boys who were almost cuddling her sees.

seokmin looks at her and gasps, “do you not like it when we cuddle you? you have never complained before!”

“hmm maybe it is because all of your weight is on me causing me two lungs to merge into one!!” y/n exclaimed. even if she did try to move away, she would be faced with laying on the carpet floor.

“i dont know about jun or mingyu, but i do not lean on you with all my weight. i gently snuggle into the warmth.” seokmin argued with y/n.

“shut up! watch the show you flounders.” mingyu said as he jumped onto the bed following with a series of complaints from seokmin. everyone adjusted their posture to be spaced evenly apart with not a single limb touching.

“god this show is one of the most boring shows to ever exist!” seokmin whined, kicking underneath the blanket.

the rest of them ignored his whines as he eventually quieted down and got interested in what they were baking. y/n was thankful to lay next to jun since he wasn’t boney to lean on.

it was not long after the show started when the “cuddling” started to happen. everyone slowly found themselves closer to each other, wanting more body warmth. jun had his arm around y/n as she laid against his chest, eating whatever that was in front of her. seokmin was leaning on mingyu since his biceps felt like fluffy clouds.

jun looked down at y/n as she started to speak. “i hope one day my future prince will make that cheese puff pastry thing.”

“do you even like cheese pastry?” jun questioned, fingers combing through her hair.

y/n shrugged, “if it looks good then it tastes good.” a laugh emitted from jun, making y/n smile.

y/n looked over to her left to see seokmin passed out hugging mingyu and mingyu watching the show intently. she quietly chuckled knowing that sooner or later seokmin will kick mingyu off of the bed.

“hey, y/n?” jun whispered, “do you already know who you are going to take off the isle?”

“isn’t it obvious?” y/n replied.

“maybe. but are you just going to bring them only? or have other isle kids?”

“just them. the limit is 10 kids, i want to make sure they are the first ones here.” y/n had stopped eating and grabbed a can of coke to down the spiciness of the chips.

“when are they coming?” jun played with his fingers. he knew that when soonyoung comes over, he won’t be the only one to try to capture y/n’s heart. he needs to start upping his game, he just can’t lose y/n.

“uhh... i think it is the end of this week. we want them to come over as soon as possible. we already have the welcoming ceremony ready and everything.”

jun nodded and sensed someone looking at him. turning to his left he found mingyu staring at him intently, making jun confused. he shrugged it off and turned towards the tv. one by one, each of them fell asleep with the sound of bakers talking about the making of the beast’s famous grey stuff.

y/n woke up to being violently shaken by mingyu and seokmin. “y/n!!! wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!!”

groaning, y/n got up and groggily looked at the loud boys. “dude. no one says that.” she rubbed her eyes and looked for her phone.

“if you are wondering what time it is, it is 8 o’clock.” jun said, looking back at her through her mirror. he smiled at how she can look messy but still so adorable in the morning. “get ready before you’re late to your favorite class.”

“i would be glad to not go to mr. hyunh’s class.” y/n rolled her eyes. she knew that either way she needed to get up before fairy god mother barges in and yell at her. she shooed the boys out of her room so they can get ready and have some privacy to herself.

after y/n had gotten ready, she looked at herself in the mirror. “okay, y/n you got this. we got this. just ignore the stares. let’s just not make eye contact with anyone.”

giving herself a final look in the mirror, she grabbed her bag and went out the door.

“y/n! please go see fairy god mother in her office. she said it is important.” mr. lin, her history teacher, spoke from the sea shell phone.

nodding, y/n quickly put all of her supplies in her bag and got up from the seat. she stole a quick glance at seokmin and shrugged. usually fairy god mother only talked to her after school, never during school. she always raved about how important school is and there is no reason to lose “education time”.

she walked pretty fast to fairy god mother’s office and knocked on her door. “please come in!”

opening her door, y/n walked in and waved. “hi fairy god mother, if you don’t mind me asking -- why did you call me up?”

“oh! i just got some good news for you, i just couldn’t wait until after school.” fairy god mother smiled, “the counsel just called me and told me that they can move the day that the isle kids come. they said it is ideal if they can come the day after tomorrow. if not, then it is fine!”

y/n couldn’t handle her excitement, “wait, really? is the welcoming ceremony ready? if so then the day after tomorrow is fine!”

“yep! everything is ready, they just need your word and then we can move it.”

“then sure! i can’t wait! thank you for telling me this fairy god mother.” y/n hugged her.

“no problem kid. now, go. get to class.” fairy god mother shooed her away. y/n couldn’t wait to tell jun, mingyu and seokmin. she practically bounced down the halls wanting to get to seokmin as fast as she can.

“no, you’re kidding right? tell me you’re kidding!” mingyu said, looking back and forth between y/n and seokmin.

seokmin shook his head, “no we aren’t. they are literally coming in like two days.”

mingyu squealed and jumped around y/n’s room, bumping into jun in the process. jun pushed mingyu away from him and looked towards y/n. “why did they move the date closer suddenly?”

“fairy god mother said it’s ideal to have it closer or something like that.” y/n shrugged. jun nodded grabbing his homework, “okay well let’s get to work now. homework isn’t going to do itself.”

mingyu gave jun a skeptical look before taking his homework out of his backpack and setting it on the coffee table, far away from y/n. mingyu knew that jun and soonyoung will fight for y/n no matter what. although jun tried to ignore his thoughts, he decided that whatever happens, y/n has to be happy -- even if that means his heart will be broken.

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mysteriesofmilo · 3 years

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I really love the mml/pnf stuff you post but for a fan blog maybe it’s best not to post anti mask stuff? Like feel free to express your political opinions but maybe have a separate blog for that. Also, an illness has nothing to do with politics, masks work and vaccines are real. I don’t mean to be rude on anon, I just really don’t understand why a sickness is being made political.

Thanks for the ask, anon. Sorry it took so long to answer it. And thanks for your politeness.

I want you to know that I understand where you're coming from. I really do. I know you believe that coronavirus is a big deal. I know you believe that wearing a mask will help slow the spread of coronavirus. I know you believe that getting the vaccine will provide some immunity to coronavirus.

And I also understand what you're saying about keeping the blog on topic. I try to stick to cartoons on this blog, but as you can see, it doesn't always work out. Sometimes I see a post with important enough information that I feel the need to spread the word, especially because I know most of my audience doesn't know it.

Because you specifically mentioned masks, I'll use those as an example. I know that most of my audience believes that masks protect the wearer and others around them from spreading covid. That's why I feel the need to inform you that covid particles are small enough to fit through the pores on most masks, and those that do block it only keep the wearer from spreading germs they already have.

I know that most of my audience believes that masks should be required. That's why I feel the need to inform you of how it's been proven recently that mask mandates don't work and actually are associated with a sharp increase in covid numbers. It's been proven because case numbers in states that have dropped their mask requirement are dropping rapidly, while case numbers in states that have kept their mask requirement are not.

I think you've probably seen the new CDC guidelines saying that those who are vaccinated no longer need to mask up. (Granted, I think this ask was sent in before the guidelines were changed, but still.) You've probably seen it by now. And if you haven't, well, now you have.

With the pandemic ending, I will most likely be easing up on covid posts going forward. I post this kind of thing because I just hate seeing good people misinformed.

Thank you again for the ask. And thanks again for being so polite. I hope I've answered your question to your satisfaction, even if it's not the answer you wanted to hear. If not, feel free to ask any more questions you may have.

EDIT: You also mentioned the vaccine. So I will explain why I am hesitant to take that as well. I am pro-vax. I know how vaccines work. But I also know that the covid vaccine does not work the same way.

Most vaccines work like a fire drill. They inject a dead or weakened version of the virus into your bloodstream. Your body then has to fight it off, and in doing so, learns the "recipe" to create the specific antibodies required to fight off that specific disease. In the same way, a fire drill helps you to learn the specific routes you need to take to exit a building in case of a fire.

The covid vaccine, on the other hand, works like a fire escape plan. This vaccine injects the recipe for creating the antibodies directly into your body. Some people deal with it just fine, while others have severe reactions. I don't know why that is, but my guess is (and remember, this is just a guess): because each person makes the antibodies a little differently. Some people's recipe is close enough to the vaccine that it doesn't matter, but others have major differences. It's like if you put up the same fire escape plan for every building. Some buildings have similar enough layouts that it would be easy to figure out, but others are different enough that it would be hard.

But that part in italics is just a guess, so I would not be at all surprised if it's proven wrong.

EDIT 2: I realize that my first edit only explains why I say that the covid vaccine is not actually a vaccine. The reasons I'm hesitant to take it are because a) I don't know how it would affect me, b) I am young and healthy, and c) covid is not a very serious disease anyway.

#coronavirus #covid #asks #thank you

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hjbender · 4 years

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hiya, bender! how are you doing these days? i just wanted to say hi cuz i miss seeing you post stuff and i hope you're having a splendid week 😊 i love combing through your blog; your drawings and fics are such a comfort to me that it makes me feel nostalgic

Hello, anon! I’m doing much better these days, thank you. I know I mentioned this over on Twitter, but I slumped into a really bad depression toward the end of December and I’m just now starting to emerge from it. I haven’t been inspired or motivated for quite a number of months, and I’ve got a lot of WIPs weighing on my mind, but the poll I posted recently kind of helped get things lined up for me, and I’ve been rereading through a lot of my thorki fics (as well as fics by others) and it feels like the inspiration is finally returning!

That said, I’m so happy to hear you enjoy going through my blog and that my fics and drawings are still bringing smiles to your face! I hope to be posting here more often in the comings days. I’m really disappointed that it’s been over a year since Tumblr hit the iceberg and there still isn’t a comparable place for artists to post their work. The freedom we had before Doomsday--aka 18 Decmber 2018--is something we all took for granted, I think.

I know in the past we all rolled our eyes at Tumblr and fondly called it a hellsite and a cesspool, and in many cases we aren’t wrong, but it’s also one of the most unique and significant platforms ever created, home to meme culture and hilarious shitposting and a style of blogging that is instantly recognizable and hard to replicate. Yeah, it has loads of problems and hasn’t been managed well in years (or maybe even ever), but it’s home for a lot of us, and some days I feel like saying, “No, you move.”

I hate it. Just as soon as I started to really pick up followers and make friends and get cosy, the rug got jerked out from under me and now I’m a nomad like so many others, wandering in the desert and waiting for something better to come along.

As futile as it might be, I’m going to stick around. I’m still here.

I was just thinking of giving my blog a facelift and trying to post here more often, because even though a lot of us thorkis have fled over to Twitter, it absolutely sucks as a blogging platform and it’s too much for people with certain illnesses and dysfunctions to take. I easily get overwhelmed when I’m on Twitter because it’s just like there’s no end to the tweets and my focus is all over the place. I don’t know how people can follow 1,000+ people. I can barely keep up with my 150 or so. I miss a lot of great content because it gets buried in my timeline, I’m a sporadic presence because of my bad time management skills, and the lack of a tagging system really doesn’t help.

But enough negativity! I’m currently working on Chapter 25 of The Little Frost Troll, and once I finish that, it’s the 6th story in the In Side Out series! I have more written on the latter than the former, but both were practically tied in the poll, so I’m just going for the easier one first. Maybe I’ll do another poll once I get caught up on some of these fics.

Thank you for the kind note, anon, and for giving me hope! May you have a wonderful rest of the weekend and an especially fantastic coming week. 😊

#ask bender #depression #really nice people #personal #motivation #inspiration #wips #hjbwrites #tumblr #blogging platforms #tumber vs twitter #tumblr alternatives #Anonymous

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elizawright · 3 years

Text

My experience with Aspergers

OCD and Anorexia 2/2:

Right now the painful part, this is probably the most difficult to talk about because it’s still so fresh and still very much active in my daily life. My Anorexia story I would say officially began around December 2018 however as I’ve mentioned before I’ve always struggled with eating. It started as just being a very fussy kid, in my early teen years I used to obsessive compulsively diet extremely strictly for periods of time. I think this in itself could be considered Anorexia or at least I was at the very edge of being. A year later I would completely 180, over eat and put on a lot of weight. A year later from that I would once again strictly diet this time making myself throw up if i “over ate” in my mind or ate something “bad”. I distinctly remember being 14 on holiday in Florida. My family kept encouraging me to eat fruit loops for breakfast (I would only eat bran flakes) and of course I desperately wanted to but it was very scary to me. So I did eat them one day and being 14 and uneducated on food I had a panic. Though I was panicking I didn’t ever tell anyone Insted I hid away, found a toilet and forced myself to throw up. Now this is years before I was officially diagnosed with an eating disorder but to me, this doesn’t seem healthy. Looking back I feel quite sorry for little me feeling I had to hide away and be sneaky, I wish I had told my mum how I was feeling, but I didn’t. Anyway, back to my official timeline. So 2018 was the year I did my gcses, it was a different year, I was so focused on my studies I began to over eat as a coping mechanism, this caused me to put on quite a bit of weight. Now I was never really fat but i was overweight, I would guess 13 stone (to put in comparison, when diagnosed with anorexia 6 months later I was 7 stone something, that’s a loss of 5 stone). In November that year I got my lovely boyfriend. When we first started dating I felt quite ashamed that I weighed more than him. Of course he didn’t care, I don’t think he even ever thought of it, he just liked me for me, but the intrusive thoughts which are oh so common to me told me otherwise. I began to notice in the morning my belly looked it’s flattest which I figured was because I hadn’t put any food in my stomach making it bloat so I began not eating in the mornings. If I was going to see my boyfriend who obviously as a young teen at the start of a relationship I wanted to impress I wouldn’t eat. I wouldn’t eat while I was around him then as soon as I got home I would eat as normal. This is where it all began. My boyfriend used to recall to my mom “she never eats breakfast and never eats at my house! I try and feed her but she just won’t eat.”

So like I said life carried on like this for a few months, I didn’t loose a massive amount of weight, maybe half a stone, but things changed drastically after a holiday to Egypt. On the first day I was struggling and obsessing over my appearance as usual, obsessing over every roll I could see. Looking back now I looked great! I had big boobs and hips, but at the time I didn’t see any of that all I saw was fat. Well the next day after this I caught a really bad case of the flu. I was bed ridden for the entire rest of the week barely well enough to get home. As we were in Egypt we had no way of getting any medication at all not even paracetamol so I was completely wiped out, it was the worst illness I’ve ever faced were literally everything that could happen, happened. Now because of this I didn’t eat for the entire week.

Once I arrived home and I began the process of analysis of my body as per usual I noticed I had lost weight. I put two and two together realising a week of not eating made me really quickly drop a ton of weight. The cogs began turning and I told myself the short amount of pain (being the hunger) my future self would thank me for. So I began restricting. Using the bike analogy it began at a quick pace but slowly got faster and faster. Soon I was eating no more than 400 calories a day, anymore than that and I would get depressed and anxious and stressed (for comparison the average women needs 2000 calories a day just to maintain weight) I was terrified of nearly all foods. Butter, bread, literally everything I can think of. I weighed out everything out to the T never eating a full packet of something. Which if I’m honest, I still do weigh everything, I also still count calories obsessively. This is what I mean by I’m not fully recovered I’m a lot better, but still suffering and fighting.

Now at this point my mental and physical health began to really suffer. I was normally really good at school getting outstanding grades in gcses but now with a levels I wasn’t able to get work completed or done, I couldn’t concentrate, I would fall asleep in class because I was tierd constantly, I wasn’t my normal talkative enthusiastic self because I was so drained of all energy I’m honestly so shocked my teachers didn’t make more of an effort to help me. I remember one time a teacher telling me I looked very ill and pale so forced me to eat a banana they had brought for their own lunch which was a struggle for me to do. Luckily for me a teacher i still dont know reported to the head of sixthform about being worried for me. They had been gone 3 months and within coming back had noticed the drastic change in weight I had had. It goes to show how much weight I lost as I was always wearing baggy clothes to hide it and she still noticed. Now that I’m mentioning it all my clothes were massively oversized because I no longer fit my entire wardrobe. I would try and wear stuff like leggings as they made me feel comfortable and happy in myself but my head of sixthform would shout at me and force me to change. I recall a few teachers and students coming to me asking if I was alright as they had noticed my rapid weight loss, I told them it was just stress. I was completely in denial I had tricked myself into thinking it was normal, I have no idea how I even lasted as long as I did at sixthform like this. So as the story goes I got taken into the teds team which is a recovery center for children with eating disorders

I was extremely reluctant to go, I was stand off ish and rude to the doctors and my family which is something that is not in my nature at all. Looking back all they wanted to do was help me but at the time I thought everyone was against me were trying to trick me into being fat. This was clearly the anorexia talking and not me, it was completely in control. While there I was freezing cold so they had to turn the fan off. I was honest as I could be and told them most of what I previously told you but it still didn’t actually sound like a concern to me. I down played it as much as a could because I didn’t want anyone’s help. I can still remember that horrible feeling of being so stubborn and refusing to even acknowledge what the people around me were saying I was so caught up in the anorexic trap. Now about a year ago from this I had been previously weighed as I had started a new version of medication, like I said I weighed in at around 85kg, 13 stone. I got weighed again on this day and was in the 7 stones, I had lost nearly 6 stone in 3 months. That’s crazy looking back at. I was told if I didn’t turn myself around soon my periods would stop and I would have to go into hospital to be force fed. They warned me as I was in the hight of my teenage development i was right at the edge of doing permanent growth, brain and fertility damage. I love children and can’t wait to be a mother someday and I really highly value my intelligence so this was the kick up the bum I needed to start my recovery. I came back a week later to create an eating plan and in that time I had dropped another couple of pounds in just a week. I was very stubborn during the hour we spent making an eating plan, we pretty much fought back and forth me and the doctor disagreeing on everything, the eating disorder had complete control over my mind and I was pretty much in auto pilot. Eventually we came to an agreement which I still was very reluctant to follow, but I had worked out the calorie intake and it felt at level that was “safe” for me. I was also just happy to not have to worry about making food anymore as my mum was now in charge or making everything I eat. Before this I was eating on average a banana, half a packet of cuscus and a plain piece of brown bread without butter and a spoon full of baked beans with no sauce. On top of this I drank an unhealthy amount of coffee, so much I became addicted, to help me loose weight, keep me full and give me the energy I didn’t have.

I remember so vividly the first day I followed this new eating routine my stomach had shrunk so small I was physically in pain by the end of the day. I was to eat 2 spoons of yogurt in the morning, an egg sandwich at lunch on brown bread, an apple, half a dinner and one weatabix at night. By the weatabix I was in physical pain from being so full. But I pushed through it. A week later I had still lost weight but not as much as the normal rate went. This is when I was told I had to add in extra and I reacted terribly. I flat out refused to follow it anymore and said I was quitting the program. For a few months I refused to follow the new program sticking to the old one I felt safe with and still lost weight with. With things like anorexia it’s something I feel can never be solved by anyone else it’s something you have to do yourself. I think I improved just overtime by chatting with the teds team and the dietitian and educating myself. This next part of my journey is kind of difficult to talk about as I don’t remember it much, I was so tired and drained it’s all kind of disappeared from my memory. Eventually through education I began to slowly add things to my eating plan. I added crisps (but only under the condition they were healthy ones under 100 calories) changed the yogurt to 2 weatabix as it was easier to measure and less of a “scary food” to me.

So yeah, since this is just a short (at least as short as I can make it) synopsis of my journey I’m just going to skip to now. Some day maybe I’ll talk about the one and a half year gap there is between then and now but that would take too long for the moment. Now I am still suffering with eating. I’ve put on a bit of weight but I’m still classed as underweight. I still follow a very strict daily routine with what I eat, I still weigh things out, I still calorie count, I still analyse my body but I am a hell of a lot better than a year ago. I still struggle when it comes to eating “fatning” of “sugary” foods but on occasion I do eat them. I try and eat something every day like a breakfast bar or granola bar. Although I am a lot better now, I’m mostly tortured by the anorexic intrusive thoughts.

I struggle oddly with extreme hunger! Something I hadn’t felt at all while I was in critical condition. I did some research and I found out this happens to most recovering anorexics and their body is literally starving and desperate for food. I have been left with loose skin which makes me extremely embarrassed and unhappy, I hope someday to get rid of it as it’s a big factor of my destress. I hope this story can help educate people without eating disorders and give you an incite into our minds. Someday I will go into more detail.

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