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#the-diary-of-a-failure
greenstudies · 1 year
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Perhaps growing up isn't about knowing how to do your own laundry or how to pay your bills. Growing up might not be your age changing and maybe it doesn't rely on the flow of time.
I think growing up is going through a painful experience and learning from it. Growing up is doing difficult things because they're the right thing to do.
Maybe one day you'll look back at the version of you that is just a year younger and feel like you've aged thousands of years. But you'll also know who you are. Growing up isn't really about chores and work. It's about knowing your worth. Knowing that you deserve to be happy and you deserve to be treated with respect.
You might outgrow friends and family. You might outgrow places. But growth is good. Because you deserve to be happy.
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torbooks · 5 months
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Murderbot is MurderBACK in the next installment of Martha Wells’s NYT bestselling Murderbot Diaries series System Collapse 🤖🚀
WHAT’S IT ABOUT
Following the events of Network Effect, our favorite lethally cybernetic television fiend has done the previously unthinkable: agreed to accompany the sentient spaceship Perihelion (dubbed ART by Murderbot, short for Asshole Research Transport) and crew on its next mission. 
Unfortunately, they’re not going to get too far. 
Having failed to harvest dangerous artifacts from their target planet by way of Murderbot misadventure, the Barish-Estranza corporation is much angered and determined to recoup their considerable losses. And when you’re a lethally opportunistic space corp, blood and muscle are valuable currency. 
Murderbot, ART’s crew, and the Preservation humans have planetside work to do as Barish-Estranza seeks to claim the planet’s beleaguered colony as a conscripted workforce. 
But for Murderbot, the challenge is as internal as it is external. Something is deeply, deeply wrong with it. Normal operational parameters are unmet, but with the corp’s SecUnit-heavy persuasion teams en route, Murderbot needs to resolve its issues, and fast!
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mcdlaurance · 8 months
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i’m not a pious man in any way but oh my god religious imagery goes crazy
also haiiii first post on my mcd sideblog :3
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tearfulprogress · 3 months
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I just love being so hyperfixated on something that I don't even think of eating
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Eating is my trigger food
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foolishnpd · 7 months
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reading my old diary like babygirl you sure are exhibiting Symptoms™
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braceletofteeth · 7 months
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Inwoo Failing to Kill Dongsik: The Series
PART 1 - PART 2 - PART 3 - PART 4 - PART 5
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dk-thrive · 22 days
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One feels one’s own decay and it’s hard to believe it’s not visible and a turn-off.
— Sheila Heti, Alphabetical Diaries (Farrar, Straus and Giroux, February 6, 2024)
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jigo-ku · 3 months
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My parents are like the worst. They are divorced for like 18 years and I can't even talk on the phone with one of them if the other one is around. They created the worst environment for me as a child and now they trigger my anxiety bc they are insecure that I don't love them enough(and yes they should be worried about that bc they have tried to destroy me. I have memory loss bc of my trauma and that scares me so much) or they are just competitive with each other.
Last night(Nye), I was at my mum's home. My cousin didn't feel very good after Nye and I ran to her to give her support. And bc of that I forgot to call my dad to wish him a happy new year(he didn't call me either, he just texted me). I went to a party after that(I had so much fun btw) So I texted him back at 7am, after I came home and I said that I'll call him when I wake up. At 12 pm, I woke up bc I needed water and I wanted to vomit. After that I slept for 2 more hours. I woke up again and I called him, he never answered.
Moments ago he called and he acted like I forgot about him and he tried to guilt trip me. I tried with all my strength(I feel exhausted) to explain to him why I didn't call... Now I have chest pains, I feel like he hates me... His wife talked to me in the same tone as him. I didn't meet them, for Christmas not even for the New Year's, but I had covid until yesterday and I wanted to have fun. Is that so bad???? Why do they always try to guilt trip me?
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augment-techs · 9 days
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infinitesadnessmelon · 2 months
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greenstudies · 2 years
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How to survive finals
I just finished my first college finals and let me tell you I didn’t have a good time. I did learn a few valuable lessons in my suffering and so here I come sharing them with you so you don’t need to learn stuff the hard way.
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Passing your finals isn’t worth sacrificing your health -You may get carried away with anxiety and just go down the wrong path. You stop taking care of yourself, you promise yourself that the next study session will have breaks and you will take better care of youself next time. NO! You will take care of yourself now! You need to make your health a priority. Always. Bad health will ruin your life and might make your studies so much more difficult in the future. Keep yourself healthy and sane
Breaks aren’t negotiable -It might seem like you’ll get more done without breaks but you’re wrong (and you know it too). Your brain will not accept the information you give to it and all the time invested will not be worth it. With breaks you spend less time studying while learning more!
Start early -This one is more difficult than it seems and for some people it might be impossible. But if you can, it’ll really help to get a head start. You might simply start a week early or study through the semester. Not seeing the materials for the first time before the exams helps significantly!
Keep your notes and materials somewhat organised -By the end of the finals month, I was drowning in disorganised papers, not being able to figure out where all my materials are. All my notes were useless because I just didn’t know where they are. It sounds funny now but it wasn’t funny then... Try to keep all your materials in folders at least.
Don’t add too much to your to do list -Try to figure out how much you can actually get done in a day and then stick to that amount no matter how much work you have overall. You won’t be able to do insane amounts of work in a day and long ass to do list will only stress you out.
Reward yourself at the end of every intense study session -Working with no rewards will get way more exhausting way quicker. I recommend some fun activity as the best reward. I like to make time to play video games or watch something after every intense day
Move your body -I don’t know how to make you understand that this one is one of the most important tips I can give you. PLEASE DO NOT NEGLECT YOUR BODY! Exam time at my college is over a month long and that really took a toll on my body. Make sure to walk, work out and stretch at least multiple times a week.
You need to sleep enough -If the importance of resting isn’t enough for you as a reason on its own, then I have another: sleep is when your memory saves the information. If you don’t sleep well, you won’t remember what you learnt as well and you’ll need to study longer
Stay social -Loneliness is a bitch and it’ll make you feel more stressed than you need to be. Also seeing others struggle in the same way you do can be quite calming and bonding experince. You’re not alone in this and you have to remind yourself.
Get as much help as you can -You don’t have to do things alone. I’m someone who’s afraid to ask for help and I pay for this flaw every damn time. Help people out and ask for help back. They won’t mind helping.
Keep your space clean -Cluttered or dirty space will add to your stress. Take the time to keep your surroundings pleasant to be in.
You can’t learn it all and it’s normal -Make conscious choices when it comes to the work you’re doing. You can’t learn and remember everything so choose what you study carefully. You’ll end up learning better the important stuff instead of memorising meaningless details.
I wish you all the best in the upcoming exam time and have a nice day! If you have any extra tips I didn’t mention, feel free to add on and help others out.
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Trying to take and enjoy the opportunity to achieve an adulting milestone goal of mine
But being confronted by the fact that doing so inherently involves my parents are participants and witnesses so regardless of how much or little I try or care, the only guarantee is criticism, with anything I'm proud of going entirely unnoticed and disregarded as unimportant
So
Hard to muster the motivation for the effort
When the internal voice is just "why bother, nobody gives a shit" (except me) (so why put myself in that position) (because the point of the goal is to move beyond the past limitations imposed by my parents) (growth is a really annoying process) (hey at least I know H's mum will say something nice)
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pastelcringeboy · 4 months
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So funny seeing ppl mock me for falling behind in drabblecember bc the reason I feel behind is my creative energy has been focused on original stuff
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greenlinsblog · 3 months
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Soooo update I guess ?
Do I even need this page anymore ? I just ate like a pig today! AGAIN! Even after I was so shocked about my weight gain. I felt so stupid that I felt like making myself happy with food since I fucked up anyway !? Does that makes sense?
So now I feel even fatter and unhappier welp. That didn’t go as planned
I’ll try AGAIN tomorrow I won’t step on a scale cause I might drop to the ground when I see the number so let’s skip the day tomorrow and hope I won’t eat 🙏🏼
I feel like I experience extreme hunger, since I’m in forced recovery… I wanna get out of it I wanna be back at my honeymoon phase.
Make this circle end. Im TIREEEEED
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worthless-misery · 1 year
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Fuck a birthday.
I could never celebrate being brought into this hell against my will and being stuck in it for another year.
A life of suffering, heartbreak and fear doesn't deserve a celebration from me.
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