#sam la vie i guess

[lovetransaction]

Fandom: Supernatural (TV 2005) Relationships: Dean Winchester/John Winchester, Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester Characters: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, John Winchester, Mary Winchester Additional Tags: HunterCorp Universe, The Winchester Family, Father/Son Incest, Normalized Incest for dadfucker december 2023 / @dadfuckerfest​ Summary:

A family, like a corporation, works at its best and smoothest when everyone understands their job description.

#vetala in samarkan #dadfuckerfest #dadfucker friday #wincest #sam winchester #dean winchester #john winchester #mary winchester #idk why i keep writing sam pov for this fest #sam la vie i guess

[sunflowerrosewood]

Take a Bullet For You ~ Mafia! Bucky Barnes

Author's Note: Since my other account @cheekyredwillow got deleted. I am adding some of my favorite fanfictions to this account and revamping this one with new ones. I hope to make an actual list of fandoms I am still a fan of! NO requests for the time being.

On to the one shot! This is a mafia alternative universe

You just moved into the New York area to open your coffee shop under your apartment. You knew it was insane to move into an area where one of the roughest mafia gangs resided. The big mafia leader was named James Barnes nicknamed Bucky the Sniper. You knew all of this but continued to move in and set up shop. You didn’t think he was near. 

While you were moving in, Bucky was watching from across the street with his right hand man, Steve. From what he gathered was that you were just a coffee shop owner but he still was intrigued you picked a shitty neighborhood. You seemed confident even though most of your customers would be his mafia. 

“Why are we watching her?” Steve asked. “She’s not important to what we need done.”

“She’s interesting.” Bucky said. 

“Oh no! Don’t get all lovey dovey on me. She wouldn’t walk two seconds in our direction.” Steve snapped.

You continued to set shop up so you could open in the next few days. You opened the shop two days later and a bulky gruff man was your customer. You figured you’d see sketchy people but not the head of the mafia game. He was wearing all black. Combat boots, leather jacket, tighter jeans. 

“Good morning. How may I help you?” You asked, feeling a bit of nervousness settling in. 

“Just a cup of black coffee with a spoonful of sugar ma’am.” He said as he put a $20 on the counter. 

“Okay let me get your change.”

“Wait. Just keep it. You’re new, arntcha?” The guy said. 

“Just moved in a few days ago. I’m Y/n. You must be Bucky the Sniper?” You said putting two and two together.

“You’re not scared?” He asked. 

“At first. But you haven’t done anything to make me think worse of you.” You mentioned before pouring his cup of coffee. 

“You’re definitely different. Not in a bad way of course.” Bucky said nonchalantly before taking his cup to leave. “I’ll be around Y/n.”

You watched Bucky leave the coffee shop. You knew from this moment that nothing would be the same. You did not think you’d meet the mafia leader so soon but c’est la vie I guess. 

But you did not know that you had infiltrated Bucky’s head. For some reason he couldn’t get your e/c eyes filled with wonder. He couldn’t help it. Something about you attracted him. He would tell the rest of the mafia to protect you. 

You wouldn’t notice this in the week. An opposing mafia team tried to kidnap you but before they could even act, Bucky’s mafia members got rid of them. What did make you question is a guy asked for your number at the shop within the same week and never called back. But Bucky was always your first and last customer. 

It had been a week since this and it was a Thursday night. You were closing up shop when Bucky came in groaning. 

“Oh Bucky, I was wondering when y- what happened to you?” You yelled as you heard a few more gunshots. 

A blonde haired guy and a dark skinned guy came in. They were panting. The blondie looked at you. 

“Do you know first aid?” He asked. 

“I d-do.” You stuttered. 

“Then get to work.” He snapped. 

“Steve, quit scar-scaring her.  Just focus on protecting us.” Bucky coughed. 

“Bucky is right. She knows what to do. That other mafia will be here shortly.” The dark skinned guy snapped. 

“Sam, have any of the others called?” Steve asked. 

You quickly ran to the back to grab the first aid kit. As you ran back, Steve and Sam were outside with a few others. Gunshots rang out as you sat by Bucky’s side. 

“I need to remove your shirt.” You said softly. 

“Already undressing me sweetheart.” Bucky drawled out but took off his shirt. 

“Oh shut it.” You snapped but chuckled a bit. 

“Good. Keep that smile. I’ll be okay with you.” Bucky said as he placed his hand on your thigh. “After this, we are going to finally have that date.” 

“Wh-what?!” You exclaimed before washing his wound. 

“Don’t tell me you didn’t notice my affections.” Bucky teased as you pulled the bullet out that was lodged into his side. “Warn me next time!”

“How about not throwing surprises out?” You said as you grabbed the disinfectant. “Okay this will sting.” 

Bucky hissed for a minute as you continued to clean. The gunshots slowed down and finally stopped. You helped Bucky sit up as Steve and Sam came back in. 

“We told the others to go home. Do you want us to stay?” Steve asked. 

“I’ll be better shortly. I still have to discuss some things with Y/n.” Bucky said as Sam cackled. 

“Are you going to quit acting like a lovesick puppy?” Sam cackled. “Hell that bullet was suppose to hit her but you got in the way.”

“What?” You exclaimed. 

“I guess that’s our cue to leave.” Steve said as he was pushing Sam out the door. 

“So when were you going to tell me that?” You questioned as Bucky shakily stood up. He laughed softly as you saw a warm blush appear on his face. 

“I guess I should explain that.” Bucky said. “I was trying not to fall for you. But when I did, the other mafias saw you as a toy or token to me.”

“So you just decided to take the bullet?” 

“Aren’t we forgetting the whole “taking you on a date”? I would take any bullet for you to be safe. I have fallen for you.” Bucky explained as your face flushed with heat. 

Bucky pulled you into his arms and kissed your cheek. You smiled at him and squeezed his neck for a hug.

“After you heal, you can take me on that date anytime.” You said as you felt him squeeze back. 

You felt Bucky chuckle against the hold. You two broke the hug and Bucky began to leave. You felt a piece of paper in your back pocket. It was his number but before you could say anything, Bucky had left. 

#marvel au #marvel winter soldier #marvel fluff #marvel one shot #marvel fanfiction #marvel bucky barnes #marvel bucky barnes x reader #marvel mcu #mcu bucky barnes #bucky barnes one shot #bucky x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x reader #james buchanan barnes #bucky barnes x you #bucky banes x reader insert #marvel reader insert #marvel headcanons

[incarnateirony]

i weathered the storm of idiot queerbait shouting destiel shippers accusing berens of qb for years or calling fellow shippers delusional for pointing out he was doing what he was doing

i weathered the storm of interviewers and low paygrade crew workers arguing with me about things that they wiped out and ended up wrong in.

I'm gonna weather the storm of 2p0 imploding in front of the entire world, no matter what shit he slings. Time'll bring it around in a hell of a way, sweetheart.

and i think you're getting it. There's a reason you adjusted from "no cas" to "a little cas". you're starting to either get why i'm so confident or get slow drips of actual information, not that it's hard to see at this point, so probably the first.

your followers are getting it too. you're all just restless because you know the best you have is causing divisions in this fandom, forgetting that in a few weeks, alllll this hard drama work of yours is gonna go numb when a few million new fans watch the new show for the new actors with their new followings and they're just gonna. walk into me being right. and you being called out as an idiot at that point. even by your own. so i mean. cest la vie dude keep going, burn yourself off the map harder. it's on delay but you know me, i love a good slow burn.

please dude keep getting louder. Even if you think you're successfully dragging me you're just setting yourself up for the biggest fandom reputation suicide ever and mine, well. You know. See saw. It'll all work out sweetie, and you're feeling it now, aren't you? You're feeling the burn. The louder you get the more your titanic idiotic failure will be known, your manipulation, your cluelessness, your cheap fortune cookie reads, all of it, and guess what'll happen when this all swings around sweetie

if you think otherwise, come on sweet cheeks. Been saying for 2 days we can repeat you wasting 5K again if you wanna play bets on direction. do i seem as confident as the market testing, or beren's intent, or the original roadhouse ending, or that there were omissions, or that the pilot script was real, all of which you blindly screamed against? You feeling that shit yet? You feel your pants on fire, you goddamn liar? That's my blowtorch up it. 5K or take your roast like a fucking adult. pull them pants of yours up and figure out what the fuck is happening here kid

Wish you luck, but you're not bringing us down.

It's a Supernatural love story. - the posters

Their Bond IS Supernatural. - the promos, even intentionally divided for the eye catch at THEIR BOND for suggestion because

one might even call it profound

it's the whole setup you goddamn fucking single braincell amoebas its RIGHT ON THE FUCKING TIN durhurhurhurhurhurhur john is like dean hyuk hyuk gee whats this father at the end of the road thing gee why is their romance important why lots of glowy blue caslights before sam omg why this huge gay rep empire. everyone logs into this fandom and instantly quarters their intelligence to pretend they can't figure it out. It's being marketed as EXACTLY what it fucking is. Cas before sam for a reason, dudes lmfao this isnt rocket science you bonafide dumbfucks. you can scream and shit your pants the whole way down but it's still over dude. at the end of the day, you're the one stinking sitting in your own shit. won't hurt us none.

#is you ready for war my brother? #Youtube

[lady-inkyrius]

As one of @wuggen's mutuals I thought I'd do the "ten songs from shuffling your playlist thing" that she did as a free for all to mutuals. This is done from my Spotify Liked Songs, which is currently 529 songs long, though due to how I listen to music I haven't heard many of them for months.

First up, Outliars and Hyppocrattes (etc.) a Will Wood song with a really long name lol, and coincidentally the most recent song I've added to my playlist. Finally managed to discover a bunch of Will Wood songs I like recently after only having one (Laplace's Angel) for ages.

spring fling? This came up in my Discover Weekly ages ago and goddamn do I love it. This is the only song I have by Samuel Marklee and I should probably go and listen the the rest of their stuff.

Yay a Portal song. I need to finish Portal 2 lmao, I got a couple of hours in then started doing something else (probably Minecraft). Don't know if I like this cover more than the original or not but it's the one that I have.

Oooh Space Oddity, I don't have many older songs in here. This is probably the first Bowie I ever heard and is definitely one of my favourites, in the top 3 along with The Man Who Sold the World and Life On Mars.

Iirc it was YouTube recommendations that introduced me to Weathers. This one slaps, great song, haven't heard it for a while though.

Absolutely love The Amazing Devil, just some great rousing folk.

Love everything about Sam Nee's songs, they've all go great instrumentation and melody and his voice is great.

Eh this one's okay I guess, might remove it from my liked songs don't know if I like it enough to stay in my Liked Songs. This is another one from a Discover Weekly iirc.

I have like three songs called The Wolf (PHILDEL, SIAMES, and AlicebanD), this one's probably my least favourite of them, but I still love the combination of the haunting vocals and the electronic backing, it works very well.

This one's quite interesting. It's based on the story of Giles Corey who was accused of witchcraft during the Salem witch trials, but I like this spin on it. Captain Vampire is probably the least known artist I have on my playlist measuring by Spotify play count, this song being by far their most popular with just under 47k listens.

Like wuggen I have no fucking clue who to tag so go wild if you're reading this I guess, I don't know which of my mutuals would do this sort of thing.

#Spotify

[hearts-hunger]

(sweet gvf besties, please feel free to crop this pic, edit it, repost it, whatever! tag me if you want so i can see!)

full story of the best moment of my whole entire life below the cut!

my sister and i saw last night that the boys were in the savannah area, and since we're only half an hour away, we decided to go down today to see if we could meet them! (actually, we just went down to see if we could even glimpse them from the car, lmao). we had no idea if they were even still there, but we're nothing if not full of crazy hope, so to sav we went.

we walked around for a while, keeping a lookout, but mostly we were just wandering. it's still crazy to me that the time we spent walking around was the PERFECT amount of time. we checked instagram and saw someone had tagged danny and jake in a post half an hour earlier, so we knew they were at least still in town! we walked around some more, and we'd kind of hit a point of being like “well, i guess it's just not gonna happen for us,  c'est la vie.” and literally as soon as we'd made up our minds to head home, WE SAW JAKE!!

he was across the street, and i KNEW it was him because he was wearing his slutty little unbuttoned shirt and his chelsea boots, and he looked like the prettiest girl in the world. i grabbed my sister's hand and said “is that —?!” and she said “YES???” we both had a moment of pure panic and excitement and nervousness at just a GLIMPSE of him.

he went into the winery across the street, and while we were busy hyperventilating and calling our parents (our dad was like “no hell you did not just see him” and we were borderline crying like “YES DAD HE'S RIGHT THERE?!”) we saw all four of them in the winery (you know they like their little wine tastings). we debated going in, and we hadn't made up our minds (i was SO NERVOUS!!) when they came out. danny and jake came out first, and danny was carrying a case of wine, and his hair looked so good and his ARMS LOOKED SO GOOD!!! and then, a few seconds later, josh and sam came out. my sister practically dragged me across the street and said “excuse me, hi, sorry!” after them.

sam and josh both turned around, and WHEN I TELL YOU MY HEART STOPPED!!!! they both looked so good, josh's cheeks were all flushed and rosy, sam was so TALL, and we were absolutely starstruck. my sister went up first because i was too shy to, and she said “hi, we're huge fans! we love you! can we get a picture with you guys?”

sam had the BIGGEST sweetest smile on his face, and he said “i'd love nothing less.”

me, my sister, and josh all looked at him — nothing less? what did that mean? was that a polite way of telling us no? (josh was NOT tracking with what his little brother said lmaoo)

i looked straight at sam, and, trying for some lighthearted (slightly despairing) banter, said “less?”

he looked so panicked, bless him — he laughed and hurried to say “and more! i should have said more!” he seemed so upset that we might be upset, and it was the sweetest thing.

we came up to them, and they were both so smiley, and my sister said “thank you so much, it's such an honor to meet you!” josh said it was an honor to meet us too (PLEASE) and he got very close to my sister and said “i love your earrings, by the way!” she thanked him and showed off my earrings too — we told them we'd made them, and they were inspired by tears of rain. josh looked close at my earrings and said “that's wonderful! i love them!”

we were both a blushing mess at having josh look at us so closely and compliment us so genuinely, and my sister pulled out her phone for the picture. sam said “let's do it!” and they both pulled us close (THEY moved close to US!!) and i honestly think i blacked out for a second hehe. the only thing i recall with certainty is that sam is SUPER skinny, and smelled SO nice, and was cool to the touch (where i was all flushed and hot). my sister said later that josh put his arm around her waist and squeezed. we took the picture and when we separated, both my sister and i were so flustered that we couldn't think of anything intelligent to say — i'm pretty sure we said thank you and waved goodbye, and josh said it was a pleasure to meet us.

we probably hadn't made it five steps from them before we collapsed in slightly hysterical giggles, and i like to think the boys thought it was cute :) it was such a sweet, genuine interaction, and i really believe we all just spoke from the heart, because they looked a little nervous to talk to us too 🥺❤️ the thing that will stick with me forever is their smiles — they were really genuinely happy to be talking to us, and their big sweet smiles showed it.

so, yeah ❤️ josh complimented our earrings, and i flustered sam a little bit and made him laugh. they weren't dismissive or impatient at all — they took the time to talk to us and be sweet to us even when they didn't have to, and i'll cherish that as long as i live ❤️

#oh my god i was reliving it as i was writing it down and it was such a wonderful delightful heart-filling moment #they were SO sweet and genuine and patient with us #they're just big sweethearts and it's the highlight of my life to have met them and talked with them and hugged them 🥺❤️ #josh kiszka #sam kiszka #greta van fleet #best day ever tag <3

[zee-has-commitment-issues]

Here is every song on the Walty playlist, except I can't tell you why.

I had a couple asks about the Walty (Henry and Walter) playlist, so I'm just going to tell you everything that's on it. I cannot, however, tell you why these songs are on it. Some are self explanatory, others aren't. I don't want to spoil Voicemail, though, so...

Anyway, here you go:

The Story by Conan Gray

The Cut That Always Bleeds by Conan Gray

Partners in Crime by FINNEAS

Crush Culture by Conan Gray

Wish You Were Sober by Conan Gray

(are we sensing a pattern yet?)

Home by Catie Turner

ARE WE STILL FRIENDS? by Tyler, The Creator

that way by Tate McRae

Would You Be So Kind? by dodie

Dive by Ed Sheeran

Sparks Fly by Taylor Swift

Everybody Talks by Neon Trees

I GUESS I'M IN LOVE by Clinton Kane

Why Am I Like This? by Orla Gartland

The Way You Felt by Alec Benjamin

GROWING UP IS ___ by Ruel

Pacify Her by Melanie Martinez

Run Boy Run by Woodkid

Ribs by Lorde

my boy by Billie Eilish

my strange addiction by Billie Eilish

Into It by Chase Atlantic

hostage by Billie Eilish

IDGAF by BoyWithUke and blackbear

Drugs & Money - New Mix by Chase Atlantic

Don't Want My Heart by Sarah Cothran

Somebody I Fucked Once by Zolita

making bad decisions by Bea Miller

rubberband by Tate McRae

Friends Don't by Maddie & Tae

Paper Rings by Taylor Swift

Nineteen by Dylan

Home for the Summer by Sara Kays

London Boy by Taylor Swift

Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy by Queen

Hearts Don't Break Around Here by Ed Sheeran

Diana by One Direction

we made it. by david hugo

History by One Direction

You Belong With Me (Taylor's Version) by Taylor Swift

Falling Like the Stars by James Arthur

Jealous by Labrinth

Let's Fall in Love for the Night by FINNEAS

I Hear a Symphony by Cody Fry

Atlantis by Seafret

Our Song by Taylor Swift

Friendship? by Jordy Searcy

Us by James Bay

Romeo & Juliet by Peter McPoland

Seventeen by Tors

They Don't Know About Us by One Direction

Heather by Conan Gray

She by dodie

11:11 by Ben Barnes

Training Wheels by Melanie Martinez

The Anchor by Bastille

Until I Found You by Stephen Sanchez

Don't Blame Me by Taylor Swift

Flowers by Lauren Spencer-Smith

Sarah Smiles by Panic! At the Disco

Colors by Halsey

Dangerously by Charlie Puth

I Was Made For Loving You by Tori Kelly and Ed Sheeran

Arms Unfolding by dodie

Let Me Down Slowly by Alec Benjamin

You & Me by James TW

Peer Pressure by James Bay and Julia Michaels

If I Didn't Tell You by James TW

Happy For Me by James TW

If I'm Being Honest by dodie

Changed by Catie Turner

Brother by Kodaline

All I Ask by Adele

You Matter To Me by Drew Gehling and Jessie Mueller

La vie en rose by Michael Bublé and Cécile McLorin Salvant

Good Thing by Sam Smith

Leave Your Lover by Sam Smith

Moon and Back by Alice Kristiansen

Teenager in Love by Madison Beer

After You by Meghan Trainor

Hesitate by Jonas Brothers

Ok, that's the whole playlist. That is every single song on the Walty Playlist that I am writing the Walty chapter to. Some of these make more sense in the context than others. Some I added just for drama. Some make me cry because it fits them so well. Ok well, now that I've shared the playlist, I won't be answering any of the asks about it. If your ask never gets answered, that's why.

I am positively flattered that you guys seem to like my taste in music, though.

#walty #young royals #young royals netflix #netflix #fanfic #fanfiction #walter young royals #henry young royals #henry and walter #walter and henry #playlist

[thefoulbeast]

Rules: We’re snooping in your playlist. Put your entire music library on shuffle and list the first 10 songs and then choose 10 victims.

Thank you @evanescentrainbow for the tag! :D :D I love sharing music :D :D

Alright so what I got is:

All night by ASTRO

Roughneck by punch inc.

My strange addiction by Billie Eilish

That's my jam by Skindred

Maybe tomorrow by Jonghyun

I did it all for you by Mr.Kitty

Walk with the noise by IAMX

Hazey by Glass Animals

La Vie en rose by Edith Piaf

Silence II by Son Lux

That's a surprisingly coherent overview of my music taste actually lmao :,) Got a bit of everything, or, well, almost everything I guess :D

hmmm i tag: @dad-void @sam-and-her-not-so-shitty-art @deathtest @bluewindfall @occultisthorror @divdabis @aperfecthorizon @reznorcore @cilvek-butne @regejs (if they want to do this, of course ^^)

#tag meme

[starstruckmyths]

I want everyone to know that the original 616 Georges Batroc would literally sooner take Sam out to dinner than get "revenge" and "kill him".

The absurdity of Marvel to take freaking Georges Batroc and not only make him use guns, but also get mad when a hero crosses him is just baffling to me.

In the comics Batroc gets pretty much thrilled when someone bests him, and he wants a rematch, not revenge, and he takes his loses well. He wants to be the best at fighting, so when someone defeats him he sees that as an opportunity, a new challenge. Batroc is not a revenge type of guy, especially not towards most heroes because he understands very well it's their job, and he's a good sport.

Steve once crossed him out of literal billions of dollars and he was like, "Haha! You got me! C'est la vie, eh?"

Making him get mad at Sam for losing and then say he wants to kill him is the worst thing they could have done to Batroc's character. It goes in against everything he is and stands for. He has even stopped other villains from getting revenge because he thought it was cruel, so where does this murder-urge come from?

Batroc stands out from other villains because despite being a bad guy, he has clear morals and empathy. He doesn't like casualties, no matter who they are. Picking up a gun and shooting is the last thing he would do, even when he's desperate.

He is also a major flirt, and uses an outrageous French accent on purpose to mess with people. He loves his country and he loves wine and art. He also loves to have company.

I'm very serious when I say Batroc would sooner ask Sam out than try to kill him.

It really bothers me because usually when we get just plain simple bad guys, they're murders and maniacs, but Batroc is a plain simple bad guy who has morals and cares, which made him different. Marvel completely ruined that when they made him shoot a gun and be known for "maximum casualties".

I guess Marvel wanted another edgy gun criminal to be a secondary villain or some, but why did they have to use Batroc's name :((

#georges batroc #batroc #batroc the leaper #sam wilson #fatws #tfatws #I'm so sorry baby #for what they did to you #you didn't deserve it #fatws spoilers #tfatws spoilers

[buffyscribbless]

STEVEN!!!!

OHMGOSH i'm so excited for this but also where do I start holy shit ;aljsdf How I feel about this character: I liked Steve well enough when CATFA came out, but it wasn't until CATWS came out that I fell in love. First it was the obvious things, the man is gorgeous and he kicks as in a visually appealing way...but his heart. I read somewhere once that Steve (granted they were talking about in comics but I think it applies to MCU Steve too) was a unique super hero because he had his super powers before he had the serum. Bravery, grit, courage, all that, and in all things. The bravery to talk to Nat after surviving the missile launch, going to the VA to see Sam. Its the little things about Steve that are most inspiring. All the people I ship romantically with this character: These days, I'm a stucky only sorta girl. I'll make occasional exceptions for SamSteve, and I may or may not owe cap fandom apologies for shipping Stony for a hot second during lockdown last year. Forgive me, friends. Oh but yes. I ship Stoki, also, but those days seemed to have faded away. My non-romantic OTP for this character: This is hard??? I'll have to go SteveNat friendship. Their platonic relationship is a common thread in every movie they're featured in and I love it so much. She's a good foil for Steve imo, the way they sass and she's got a bit of an edge that Steve lacks. My unpopular opinion about this character: I don't know if this still holds true, I'm in my tiny bubble over in this corner of pro-Steve only land, but the dude's traumatized to high hell and people don't seem to want to acknowledge that in a broader sense. This is probably not an unpopular opinion oop One thing I wish would happen/had happened in canon: I am NOT a comics buff, honestly much less so a cap one (I'm going to lose some of you guys for that aren't I :\), BUT that said. I have ideas about Commander Rogers. Just...ideas. We shall see. One thing I wish had happened was, here's another popular opinion, we actually got Cap 3. C'est la vie, I guess. Send me a character!

#THANKS MIKEY!!! #ask game

[ganseyard]

dean winchester, playlist: broken boy (still beautiful). 

1. BROKEN BOY — cage the elephant: Broken boy, how does it feel? How does it feel? Tell me why I'm forced to live in this skin.   2. C’EST LA VIE — weathers:  Take a shot and fall short, I don't get the support But I guess that's just life (yeah, yeah) I don't know euphoria, would like to meet her someday. 3. I’M NOT A SAINT — billy raffoul:  I'm not a saint, but I could be if I tried. Lord knows I've got habits to break. I'm really good at being good at goodbyes. 4. DEAD WEIGHT — pvris: So sick of being your giver, throwing my soul away All give, no take Nothing changes, I'm getting colder Dead weight hanging off of my shoulders.

5. FIRE — kasabian: Shake me into the night and I'm an easy lover Take me into the fight and I'm an easy brother And I'm on fire.

6. OLD NUMBER SEVEN — the devil makes three:  I guess I grew up on an old dirt road Pedal to the metal, always did what I was told When I grew up fast, I guess I grew up mean There's a thousand things inside my head I wish I ain't seen. 7. CONSCIENCE KILLER — black rebel motorcyle club: I'm a constant sinner, a conscience killer I'm a righteous heartache, never gonna let you get close to mine. Cause it don't mean all that much does it boy We never really had a choice.

8. BROKEN MACHINE — nothing but thieves: I'm just a broken machine With all the layers of dust Some things have started to fail.

9. LOSE YOUR SOUL — dead man’s bones: I get up to this feeling, keeps me on the run, put my dreams away You're gonna lose your soul, tonight. 10. GRAVE DIGGER — blues saraceno: Grave digger, grave digger, pray for my lost soul Release me from this earth Allow me to grow old Save me if you can.

11. SOLDIER — fleurie: Soldier keep on marchin' on Head down 'til the work is done Waiting on that morning sun Soldier keep on marchin' on. 12. LONELY — payale royale: So sick and tired of being alone So long, farewell, I'm on my own I'm sorry mom, I've got to go I dug this grave I call my home. 13. BROKEN BONES — crx: Get it before it goes to waste Lick on my knife and honour the taste Taking my time, running in place Leaving the house was a mistake. 14. EVERYTHING OR NOTHING — willyecho: Yeah I am not the favourite son But I'm the one who's been here all along 'Cause everytime the push comes to shove I'm climbing over you to reach the top. 15. SING TO ME — missio: Sing to me, I am not doing well Getting tired of my own words Sing to me 'cause I can't hear myself Through the loudness of my own hurts.

16. BLOOD ON MY NAME — the brothers bright: There's a reckoning a'comin And it burns beyond the grave With lead inside my belly Cause my soul has lost its way. 17. BATTLE CRY — imagine dragons: Just one more time before I go, I'll let you know That all this time I've been afraid, wouldn't let it show Nobody can save me now, no. 18. WHO I AM — the score: I'm a saint, and I'm a sinner I'm a loser and a winner Without faith and a believer. 19. FAR FROM HOME (THE RAVEN) — sam tinnesz: I'm sending a message Of feathers and bone Just let me know I'm not forgotten out here alone. 20. BLOOD HANDS — royal blood: Everytime I drink and try to stop my thinking About the things I said and done Stop the world from turning faster.

#dean winchester #dean #supernatural #spn #dean winchester playlist #dean playlist #spn playlist #supernatural playlist #playlist #dean winchester mixtape #dean mixtape #spotify #dean music #winchester #mine #playlists #broken boy #still beautiful

[gooferdusted]

hypothetically, if I were to write a fix-it/rewrite au fic, (thinking of starting at s5 but debating starting earlier) what are some storylines you’d take out/change, characters you’d save/kill, and specifically changes to sam’s character/arcs you’d like bc i need ideas

ok. ok. I'm gonna try to not go completely off the fucking rails while I write this up but I gotchu (also these r all just my own hot n spicy takes so like. pick what u like, it's all goodie goodie)

• no time passing differently in hell. literally four months is ~Enough!~ a year is enougghh!!!!!! like I get that they wanted to make hell this horrible unreachable thing but u can still like... get that across without having it be this unfathomable chunk of time out of a persons life. like sam was down there with TWO very pissed off angel's for 180 years??? how can he still speak english??? how does dean remember ANYTHING about his old life when mentally more than half of it was spent being endlessly tortured until he finally cracked??? its just.... Too Much...

• ON that note, I feel like later on they never rlly had sam and dean bond over the fact that like... they are genuinely the ONLY two people on earth who have survived actual hell. I mean we got that one off line from dean at some point but??

• no chuck as god. just a greasy greasy rat man getting insane stories projected into his brain. and on the topic of that.... I dont like the reflection of the real life fanbase in the spn universe??? they're pulp fiction novels, it should be all like 50 year old + ladies who picked them up at the local bargain bin, not b*cky r*sen

• I like... WANNA say smth abt s4..... bc I think the way that they handled things were a little out of character BUT I also think that was lind of the point??? like the angels and demons were manipulating them to say/do things they would normally never say/do to eachother to drive a big enough wedge between then that they would eventually say yes to being the vessels. like it hurts to watch sooo much but it did drive the plot forward in a very particular way that probably couldnt have happened otherwise. that being said, when the levee breaks makes me sad, and I dont want to see sam crying for his dead mother alone in a basement! cest la vie.

• sam and dean.... are Friends...,, why did we all forget that..... watch hell house and maybe I'll calm down.....

• PSYCHIC SAM!!!!!! you all know me. you know how I feel about psychic sam... robbed. s4 finale rlly had sam like "drinking that much demon blood has truly changed me forever..... theres no going back now...... 😔😔" like ok. ok. where are your superpowers. where are they.

• I wish some of the other special children had made it out :(( I really liked andy and ava (also sam finding other friend who are like him??? queer allegory??? spare queer allegory?????)

• I also dont think the roadhouse shouldve burned down!!! that shouldve been a Staple Location like Bobby's house. same w Missouri's, literally why did we only visit her once.

• ur sending an ask to my blog so I assume this is just a given for u but!!! we're takin away the misogyny. we're takin away the fetishization! anything that would be given the greenlight by joss whedon we are putting straight in the trash. <3

• this is mostly a thing in later seasons like. idk 9-15, but no ppl knowing who the winchesters are. they are NOBODIES. they pop up like little meerkats and fuck everything up beyond repair.

• also no fancy tech. no iphone 76z or whatever the fuck. sam has an ipod 1. the wheel is so stuck he can barely press play anymore. remember when he literally just tore off the top casing off his laptop and threw it away? more of that.

• no nice clothes. NO nice clothes we fuckin hate that. everything sam and dean own was purchased pre 1995 and dean is an expert at removing blood stains and sewing up jackets. dean will walk into a laundromat with a tide pen and just start goin for it like that scene in deadpool.

• tbh.... I feel like the issues in later seasons are really this massive horrible domino effect. like I could say heres how to fix s7-10 but the fact is if shit hadnt gone down lile it had in s7 s10 would be a different story entirely.

• I am gonna do it tho bc I suck <3

• s6: soulless sam was funney but did that really go anywhere? no. tbh I dont remember what happened w cas and I'm just not going to look it up. it's just not in the cards for tonight. dean w lisa.... ehh.... I've discussed this at wayy too much length w mushroom and we both agreed that dean would probably keep hunting to keep his mind off things and to try and honor sams sacrifice. I guess theres an argument to be made for the fact that it kind of was Sam's dying wish that dean just go fin her and live a normal life but... idk. purgatory was. . indeed a Concept..... that could have maybe gone somewhere if it didnt rapidly spiral into....

• s7!!! I mean. jesus christ. I know some people like this one but jesus christ. the way they literally couldnt commit to having sam have genuine mental health problems after centuries in hell or to just magically wipe them away..... bobby dying halfway thru.... charlie was a bright spot I suppose, but her intro is not my fave episode w her.... idk what the fuck happened w cas, I guess he was god. the leviathan designs were kinda neat but like oh my fucking god it wasnt worth it.

• s8: uh. rough start. idk why the turn tables so suddenly and dean's like "why didnt u look for me >:((" bc??? yall agreed not to???? at the VERY least they couldve had sam been like "I legitimately had no reason to think u werent dead and in heaven and tha wouldve been a little rude of me to pull u out of that." but we went for ~drama~ to make it spicy I guess. ouygh. bunkers there!!! that was cool!!! MoL is a cool concept!!! altho... it doesn kinda contradict the whole sam and dean are nobodies thing... idk. trials of hell was like... cool in theory but bad in practice unless they were planning on ending the show for realskies. and they did not.

• s9: uhh... hated gadreel! hated that shit! wish they had spun that whole storyline to be more "hey sam I noticed u were s*icidal should we maybe address that??" or even like.... I mean dean probably couldve just TOLD sam abt his plan, he had already convinced him to stay alive by that point??? there was no reason to lie!!! plus the betrayal of gadreel not being who he said he was wouldve been like. literally enough drama, we didnt need to fracture the team again. and cas was??? where exactly??? be was human for at least half of that season but hey didnt know what to do w him so they chucked him in a convenience store??? good lord.

• s10: got no suggestions for that one, just toss it

• s11: ok... shes cute.... we can forgive her.... the lore is shaky at best but the episodes SLAP and the characterization is *chefs kiss*. it's been a hot minute since I've seen it so if smth sucked I dont remember and I plan to keep it that way!!!!

• s12: n.. no. no mary. no mary unless we're doing it right. and I promise u doing it right was not poorly ripping off kingsman. couldve brought back bobby!!! if they desperately wanted some drama couldve brought back john!!! actually fuck that, no way

• s13-15: no thoughts, only jack kline <3

#holy fuck im so sorry <3 #shut up cereal #asks #long post #spn critical #hate tagging my posts as that bc i dont wanna b one of ~Those~ but i dont want ppl coming after me 4 this #theres probably like 100000 things i forgot!!! feel free to add ur own!!!! #there are some seasons i only ever watched once very very long ago.... #and tbh classic spn is the freshest in my mind so im focusing on her #spn #supernatural

[soveryanon]

Reviewing time for MAG169 (nice)~

- So, no cookie for guessing Desolation with this one, but big kudos to those who guessed that the episode would be reminiscent of the Grenfell Tower fire. Oh boy, what a domain it was ;; Desolation episodes have always felt extremely cruel and this one went veeerrry harsh on the torture and despair, even before the physical pain of it (as Jon said, “Some fears don’t need to be intensified; only manifested”). I really felt the nightmare-logic in this one, the feeling of being trapped and discovering/realising the rules and parameters as they became relevant; a little scenario that felt repeated, again and again, beginning badly (home as a prison, a toxic place that one cannot help but love because it’s familiar and theirs) and only getting worse, with Sabina losing everything (parents, possessions, physical safety), while at the same time… everything was rooted in something very concrete, very logical, very relatable, laced with poverty and the loss of agency.

- The edge in Jon’s voice for this one was terrifying (and so was the soundscaping, expressing what was being said), and it seemed… on point for The Desolation. Jude directly called him out about the fact that he himself was enjoying the fear but, even before that, the way Jon narrated Sabina’s nightmare really hammered in the cruelty and sadistic glee of the domain feeding on her ;; The mentions of the “landlord” were especially chilling, given a rhythmic, almost casually fatalistic c’est-la-vie tone to the whole ordeal (… while no, clearly, it wasn’t, and even if the fire had been accidental, there should have been ways and options to make it out… but no, due to an accumulation of negligence/neglect turning into something criminal):

(MAG169) ARCHIVIST: “But the door latch never really aligned properly, you see; the landlord always said he was going to get it fixed and… it refuses to open. […] The window frame never really opened properly, you see; the landlord always said he was going to get it fixed. […] But the fire escape was always really rusty, you see; the landlord always said he was going to replace it. […] Falling back into the inferno that is now her home, Sabina dashes over to the laughably small fire extinguisher the landlord begrudgingly provided; it is sputtering, and empty.”

(… Jon impersonating the parents’ screams sadly took me out of it on first listen, because the “We’re BURNING” immediately made me think of Jonny-playing-Galahad in HNOC’s “Hellfire” and the “We’re FALLING into the flames”, which was a bit of a mood-whiplash x”) It worked better on second listen, and again, WHAT is Jon currently feeding to the tape recorders…)

- Same as in other domains, memories were clearly rewritten or only made accessible to serve the dominant Fear at stake:

(MAG163) ARCHIVIST: “Next to him, Charlie saw Ryan, who he’d known since childhood – though the other details were hazy. Ryan gave him a thumbs-up and an encouraging smile – before his face exploded inwards to a sniper’s bullet, peppering the boat with shards of bone and gore.”

(MAG164) ARCHIVIST: “There was never a time before the disease, no matter what the old bastards tell you. It has always been in the village, always festered in the dark corners where nobody could stomach to check, where good neighbours wouldn’t dream to speculate.”

(MAG165) ARCHIVIST: “Its pace remaining as it ever was, it does not care for coming pains as you are torn. Doesn’t it know who you are? No…  And soon… neither will you. […] You will be someone again, someday. […] “I’m still Hannah!” you try to scream, but are you? No. Perhaps there’s some Veronica as fragments there, or Julian, or Anya, but… no. You feel the last of names and “who” you might have been be torn away and borne towards new bodies. New pages, blank; determined to be people.”

(MAG166) ARCHIVIST: “When had the crushing pressure in his chest become literal? When had the empty promise of the horizon finally vanished completely, replaced by the pitch darkness of this “forever wall of earth”? Sam did not know. Time had no meaning here. […] His existence was static, and eternal. Immutable. “Sleep” was only a memory, because even the prospect of unconsciousness might have made his present state slightly more bearable. Food as well, he knew, must be a thing, for he could feel the hunger, but his imagination failed to picture it. The only smell he knew was the damp, and the dirt.”

(MAG169) ARCHIVIST: “How long as she lived here? How long have these cramped, dingy rooms in the back of this sprawling rundown tenement been the place her heart calls home? She cannot recall, but long enough for her to grow into love for it, to cherish every rusted appliance, every crumbling piece of plasterboard, every – flickering – lightbulb. […] Sabina cannot… picture their faces, but knows that should they wake to see the state of the place… their anger would be blistering. […] What floor was her flat on again? Surely, it can’t be this high. […] Limping and desperate, she turns to see her furniture in flames, the bookshelves full of memories, that she can’t quite place [STATIC RISES] but knows are precious to her, curl and float away as ash. The photos on the wall of her family whose faces seem indistinct but she knows that she loves, begin to blacken, as the glass pops out of the frame.”

For Sabina, memories were only useful to represent what she would lose. (;; It’s one of the things that still makes me the most uneasy with this season: the fact that regular people are deprived of who they used to be, the memories of who they were… while Jon&Martin are beaming with their Uniqueness. People are trapped in these nightmares but, by comparison, it feels a bit like they’re already “dead” and interchangeable, only allowed to remember things and be reshaped to better fear and feed the Powers…)

- I was wondering what would be the point of avatars in this new world (if they would still feed their patrons, or be absolutely superfluous, etc.). The fact that Jude’s death apparently didn’t perturb the Desolation domain very much tends to prove that they aren’t necessary, so it really seems like the keyword was what Oliver said last episode:

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: “Sometimes, for some small variety, I will allow Danika to brush against another root: the final fate of someone she loves. […] And with each one, she knows her steps forward bring closer not only her own end, but all of theirs. Time walks forward with her, but she has not the strength to stop it. Her fate draws ever-nearer, filling me with the joy of watchful fear, but also my own concerns.”

(MAG169) ARCHIVIST: It’s a maze in there, deliberately so. People running, desperately struggling for fire escapes only to find them blocked. … We won’t get lost, though. I know the route. […] “Do you smell smoke? Do you smell… the creeping ruin of a life, a stalking creature of unmaintained electricals, of cheap insulation, of cut-corners and missing fire alarms and unenforced safety regulations? Do you see it creeping under the door to your bedroom as you sleep, the burning coals of its eyes, regarding you in the supposed safety on your home; not indifferent, but hungry, eager to take everything from you, to burn down your life in any sense it can reach? Can you hear the crackling promise of kindled despair, that it whispers into your uneasy, dreaming ear?”

“Variety”? Creativity? Diversifying people’s suffering for the Powers’ enjoyment, and above all The Eye’s? I… wonder what that would mean regarding Jon, as The Eye’s favourite, right now… ;;

- I got genuinely surprised that Jon mentioned Arthur Nolan as still alive, because I thought he had been done for since March 2014 and the events recalled by Jordan Kennedy:

(MAG145) GERTRUDE: So. Now, Diego has taken over… Where does that leave you? ARTHUR: [SNORT] Slumlording over a nest. GERTRUDE: Oh. A nest of… what? ARTHUR: Found a mass of the Crawling Rot growing, a while back. Managed to get a hold of the property before it became too big. Gotta wait ‘til it blossoms before we can properly burn it. So until then… just playing landlord.

(MAG055) JORDAN: Time seemed to move slowly as he reached for the ashtray on the arm of the chair and picked up a pack of matches. He struck one and without even looking at me, he gently pressed the small flame to the centre of the scar. His flesh caught fire, immediately, the flames spreading across his body like rippling water. The armchair caught, then the floor, and then I was running out of the building before the rolling inferno could come at me as well.

(MAG169) MARTIN: Right… I just assumed this would be… Who was that landlord guy? ARCHIVIST: Arthur Nolan. He’s here, he has a… part of it, but it’s… huge. Bigger than you could believe. There’s so much fear in there…

It had felt odd to die from self-immolation, for a Desolation avatar, but we hadn’t seen him since then, and he had lived his time – given how Eugene Vanderstock was aware that he wouldn’t last forever (MAG139: “So, me? I was born in ‘36 – I know, I don’t look seventy. But burning the candle at all ends does have a few advantages. Until you burn out entirely, at least. It’s hard to say how much I’ve got left in me; how much longer my sacrifices can buy me. But when I go… you better believe I’m going big – and it is going to hurt.”), I had assumed that Arthur setting himself on fire was because his time has reached its limit and/or that his life had been tied to The Hive’s nest somehow by Gertrude, and that Jane becoming The Hive meant his final demise or something? But apparently, no, he was still around. I wonder what he was doing during the following four years? (If it was a matter of Desolation avatars respawning in the domain, I’d have expected for Agnes to be mentioned, but she wasn’t, so…)

- Speaking of Arthur, it’s hilarious how much this statement hammered in the confluence of Corruption/Desolation when it comes to one’s life crumbling, getting devastated:

(MAG169) ARCHIVIST: “Maybe the dirt and grime builds up to such a degree that the stench begins to infect your soul, or an infestation of moths or ants or bed bugs stretches itself throughout the very structure of your home, until it feels like your skin is squirming with them. […] How long as she lived here? How long have these cramped, dingy rooms in the back of this sprawling rundown tenement been the place her heart calls home? She cannot recall, but long enough for her to grow into love for it, to cherish every rusted appliance, every crumbling piece of plasterboard, every – flickering – lightbulb. Even as the widening cracks and spreading mould fill her heart with dread, they gently, slowly, inch by inch, approach the mildewed room where her parents lie sleeping.”

… Given Arthur’s utter disdain for the idea that The Lightless Flame could be assimilated to anything Corruption-adjacent:

(MAG145) ARTHUR: Not like I can vent to the others about what a prat Diego is! Got a lot of funny ideas. Still calls The Lightless Flame “Asag”, like he was when he was first researching it. I just want to tell him to get over it – I mean, [FASTER AND FASTER] Asag was traditionally a force of destruction, sure, but as a church, we very much settled on burning in terms of the… face we worship, and some… fish-boiling Sumerian demon doesn’t really match up, does it?! Plus, there’s a lot of disease imagery with Asag that I’ll reckon is… way too close to Filth for my taste, but, but no, he read it in some ~ancient tome~, so that’s that– GERTRUDE: Well, I can’t say I– ARTHUR: –reckons he always knows best, ‘cause he’s read a few books, well. Big. Deal! Way I see it, if a writer can’t even save themselves, they probably don’t have a lot worth knowing! Find me one so-called “expert” on all of this who didn’t end up regretting all of it!

I hope your ego and convictions are shattering and that this is your personal hell, Arthur. Diego was RIGHT.

- Regarding Jon and Martin’s own domains, Jon raised the possibility that they were metaphorically trapped in their own quest, and it follows the comments about how they were outside of the box:

(MAG164) MARTIN: Are we safe, traveling like this? ARCHIVIST: Yes… Yes, sort of, we’re… I don’t know how to phrase it, we’re… something between a pilgrim and a moth. We can walk through these little worlds of terror, watching them; separate, and untouched. MARTIN: [NERVOUS CHUCKLING] That’s not as comforting as you might think. ARCHIVIST: I like it better than the alternative…!

(MAG165) MARTIN: But. You said we needed to go through these places. … Is that even going to work here? ARCHIVIST: Uh… [EXHALE] We need to go through them… metaphorically. MARTIN: Mm… ! ARCHIVIST: Psychologically, we need to… “experience” them. […] MARTIN: Jon, what are you talking about? NOT!SASHA: [FURIOUS SNARLS] ARCHIVIST: She can’t touch us. We’re so far beyond her now. NOT!SASHA: [FURIOUS SNARLS] ARCHIVIST: She’s just like everything else here, rules by The Eye.

(MAG169) ARCHIVIST: Like I said, I can’t see the future. It wouldn’t free them, if that’s what you’re asking. “Free” doesn’t really exist in this place. MARTIN: Apart from us. ARCHIVIST: I suppose. I–in a sense, though… [CHUCKLING] how much of that is because we are trapped in our own quest to– MARTIN: Okay, let’s, let’s not dive into another… ontological debate right now, not here.

… and 1°) they’re still technically under The Eye – the whole world is its domain right now; 2°) Obligatory “WHAT IS MARTIN’S DOMAIN” (a fixed place? Web, Lonely? The Institute-Panopticon too? Jon as “the Archive”, having ~trapped~ Martin?), 3°) … big Oouft because if they were to consider their quest as the “domain” trapping them… a quest is made around a goal. Jon presented it as a “doomed quest” which was already worrisome, Oliver highlighted that the current system would ultimately collapse on its own, The Buried’s domain taunted its victims with constant hope, so… if the goal kept being unreachable, but still “almost” out of reach, Jon and Martin could be trapped a bit more literally than just on an ontological plane.

- ;w; Martin is afraid of fire…

(MAG169) ARCHIVIST: … You said you were onboard. MARTIN: I was! I am; I just… thought… ARCHIVIST: It wouldn’t hurt? MARTIN: … That we’d be safe. ARCHIVIST: I never said– MARTIN: I know! I know, okay, I just… [SOMETHING SHATTERS] Look, I j–, I just don’t want to get burned, alright? It’s, it’s like my least favourite pain ever. ARCHIVIST: Is that… a joke? MARTIN: No, no! Okay? I… I legitimately hate burns, alright, they’re–they’re awful, and they scar horribly, and they just, it– It–it just makes me sick, I–I hate it. Hate it!

* Is it related to the fact that he had to care for his mom from a very young age, and that accidents happened…? That makes his decision to burn statements in MAG117-MAG118 even braver – fire that he could control on his terms, but still, in close proximity to him.

* … Actually, Elias implanting in his mind the truth of how his mother saw him, while Martin had just burned a few statements and was threatening to keep doing it, and when the smell of the fire might have still be floating around at that moment miiiight have added fuel (ha) to Martin’s own fear. Associating bad things and pain to fire.

* Wooft that he hates burns and what they leave, when he’s probably been walking kilometres holding Jon’s all-burned-to-fuck hand.

* YEAH ALSO, that line about how pain can leave a scar even if there is no physical mark to show for it? Is valid on its own but, given Martin’s past, resonates even more when keeping in mind his relationship with his mother and the way Elias inflicted his powers on him and Melanie (MAG118: “Do you want to know what she sees when she looks at you?”). It’s really not empty words, he knows from experience.

* … Same thing as the contrast between MAG117 (“This way I finally get to do something. It’s gonna hurt, but… I’m ready. And I want to. Also, I get to burn some stuff, so that cool!”) and MAG118 (“Don’t. burn. any more. statements.”) around fire: reality not as great as when plans were made, when it comes to the “smiting”, uh.

* … Obligatory “This Is How Web!Martin Can Still Win” since The Desolation and The Web were extremely at odds, and Martin… really was uncomfortable and panicking in this zone, when he had been keeping it together in previous ones (he got very afraid in the Slaughter’s, but it was the first and Martin was discovering the rules):

(MAG139, Eugene Vanderstock) “The compromise we came to… was Hill Top Road. We knew it was a stronghold of The Web, full of other children Agnes’s age. We would supervise from a distance, but were confident she would be in no danger. The Mother of Puppets has always suffered at our hand – all the manipulation and subtle venom in the world means nothing against a pure and unrestrained force of destruction and ruin.”

(Though to be fair: Martin presented himself as a “luxury smörgåsbord” for Fears in MAG117 since he was “just afraid all the time”, was always the Assistant Of Many Fears throughout the series, so it doesn’t have to be significatively a Web indicator – it’s mostly that, well, alright, so Martin can still feel specific, personal fears.)

- … And meanwhile: we went from Jon really casually forgetting that he was using his powers and knew more than he mundanely should have (the beginning of MAG167) to taking a moment to remember that Martin is not omniscient nor a mind-reader, not processing that pain (even temporary and without long-lasting damage) is a genuine factor, and admitting blankly that he’s feeding from this world, which, oops:

(MAG167) [STATIC RISES] ARCHIVIST: Help us with what? MARTIN: ‘xcuse me? ARCHIVIST: Annabelle, help us with “what”? Our–our, our journey, killing Elias, vanishing the Entities – what? [FOOTSTEPS STOP] MARTIN: Please don’t do that. ARCHIVIST: Do what…? Oh! Oh. Right, I, I see, yes. [STATIC FADES] Well, I– … [FOOTSTEPS RESUME] Sorry. MARTIN: It doesn’t… feel great, having someone looking inside your head…! […] I mean, I don’t want to keep secrets from you, but– ARCHIVIST: You should at least… be able to. MARTIN: Basically, yeah…! ARCHIVIST: I–I suppose that’s fair. MARTIN: It’s just… It’s weird, knowing that you can… know literally everything I think and feel– ARCHIVIST: Right… MARTIN: –especially since you’re not exactly the most open of people. Emotionally, I mean.

(MAG169) MARTIN: … Seriously? You don’t– … It’s on fire, Jon, it’s– ARCHIVIST: Yeah, uh… MARTIN: It’s a burning building! ARCHIVIST: Yes, it is. MARTIN: That’s on fire! ARCHIVIST: Yes. MARTIN: … Right. You are aware that traditionally, wading into a flaming inferno is actually considered bad for your health? ARCHIVIST: Yes, Martin. It will be fine. MARTIN: Alright. I just wanted to check. So. Okay. We’re planning to go through… all this, so I’m guessing the fire can’t… actually burn us! Right? Jon? ARCHIVIST: Hum… MARTIN: … Jon? ARCHIVIST: Hum… Mm… MARTIN: Jon. ARCHIVIST: I–it’s complicated. MARTIN: Well, if you want me to go in there with you, then I suggest you find a way to make it simple. “Yes” or “no”, can that fire hurt us? ARCHIVIST: Define “hurt”. MARTIN: Will the fire feel hot to me? ARCHIVIST: Yes. MARTIN: Will it cause me lots of pain, if I touch it? ARCHIVIST: Yes, though not as much as– MARTIN: [SHAKILY BUT STRONG] Will it burn me alive, and kill me dead? ARCHIVIST: … No. It can’t do us any permanent harm; once we’re out, we’ll be fine. MARTIN: You are aware that intense pain can do you loads of harm, even if there’s no any physical injury! […] ARCHIVIST: I should have told you before, so… I leave the decision to you. You know my feelings on the matter. MARTIN: I do? ARCHIVIST: I… Oh, right. I–I want revenge on Jude Perry. I want to… “smite” her. Make her feel what… [SIGH] what all her victims have felt. But I’m not willing to force you to suffer for it. […] JUDE: Yeah, but you like seeing their pain, don’t you? Their fear? ARCHIVIST: … Yes.

His relation to pain is understandable as someone who got “used” to the concept of hurting himself by repeatedly getting harmed, getting marked, and accepting more injuries to reach his goals and protect/save people who were close to him (and it’s very ironic that Martin used to be portrayed as the one “always setting himself on fire to keep others warm” while Jon… selectively did and does that too). The fact he’s feeding from this world is not a new thing: Jonah had announced that Jon would be tailored for this world, Jon himself pointed it out in the trailer, Helen toyed with him by being implicit about it – what is new is the… reverence? with which Jon seemed to marvel at the Desolation domain, the glee during the statement, the deadpanness when Jude called him out on it. It felt like at the beginning of the season, Jon was expressing more guilt, more uneasiness when it came to his enjoyment of this world… and in this episode, those were absent. So is it that he’s gradually accepting it? Or that he was trying to make a point to Martin about himself, about the fact that he is also (objectively) a monster and needs Martin to keep him in check if he doesn’t want to turn out like the others? No idea, but I feel like something is happening and building up about it;;

(… Was Jon feeding from Martin, in the Desolation domain? Martin who was miserable and afraid, coughing and in pain?)

- I LOVED the effect of Jon being in his small “bubble” of pouring out the statement, only for Martin to fight his way to get him out of it:

(MAG169) ARCHIVIST: “Limping and desperate, she turns to see her furniture in flames, the bookshelves full of memories, that she can’t quite place [STATIC RISES] but knows are precious to her, curl and float away as ash. The photos on the wall of her family–” MARTIN: [MUFFLED, DISTANT] Jon! [STATIC INCREASES] ARCHIVIST: “–whose faces seem indistinct but she knows–” MARTIN: [MUFFLED, DISTANT] Jon! ARCHIVIST: “–that she loves, begin to blacken, as the glass–” MARTIN: [MUFFLED, DISTANT] Jon! [COUGHS] ARCHIVIST: “–pops out of the frame.” MARTIN: [MUFFLED, DISTANT] Jon, she’s here! ARCHIVIST: “Her home is being eaten alive by–” MARTIN: [CLOSER] Please come back! ARCHIVIST: “–this devouring Desolation–” MARTIN: JON! ARCHIVIST: “–and she–” [RESOUNDING SLAP] [STATIC FADES] MARTIN: She’s here! [COUGHS]

* … So, interestingly, Martin could actually get him out of it this time, while he had mentioned in MAG167 that he couldn’t stop Jon. Was it because the “statement” was different: given by the Desolation domain in this one vs. Jon giving a statement through his “knowing” in MAG167? Is it because Martin was outside of the statement mode, not listening to it (so able to break it, since he wasn’t enthralled by it)? Or is it because Martin has been becoming stronger by getting in contact with the domains? Or because he actually could have stopped Jon in MAG167… but didn’t, because he was curious, too, and preferred to think and say that he was entirely caught in the statement?

(* With MAG160, that’s the SECOND time Martin slapped Jon to “get him back” in some way. Gotta love how Jon shaking him off from The Lonely was by breaking out the violins and making an emotional confession and baring his soul to him vs. Martin, getting Jon back into focus by screaming and slapping him. Different kind of powers when there is an emergency.)

* … I’m very interested in the fact that the tape recorder was with Jon in that tiny statement bubble, while Martin was heard muffled from the outside. It wasn’t only Jon’s POV: it was, above all, the tape recorder’s, hearing the statement more distinctly than Martin. It illustrated the situation very well (Jon being unreachable and following the story, and the outside having trouble interacting with him), but I wonder what caused the bubble to exist in the first place: the Desolation domain contaminating Jon with his story? Beholding, focusing its attention on Jon because he was acting as a vessel while narrating Sabina’s story? Or the tape recorder, since Jon was feeding it?

- It’s noteworthy that so far, avatars have all been able to identify Jon as the one having provoked this apocalypse, and not “just” as an avatar beneficiating from it the most since The Eye is his patron:

(MAG164) HELEN: What would I have to gloat about? Much as I am delighted by this brave new world in which we find ourselves, I can take no credit for it. This was all… you!

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: “This report is being sent to: [STATIC FADES] The Great Eye, that watches all who linger in terror, and gorges itself on the sufferings of those under its unrelenting, stuporous gaze! And its Archive, which draws knowledge of this suffering unto itself. […] Perhaps once it might have horrified me, or given me some sense of pursuing the ultimate release of the world that you have damned.”

(MAG169) ARCHIVIST: Hello, Jude. JUDE: Fancy seeing you both here. To what, exactly, do I owe the pleasure, the honour, of being graced by the great and powerful Archivist, harbinger of this new world, and his, uh… valet…? […] Sure, I moan about The Eye, who doesn’t? But, we’ve won! Both of us. And… that’s great!

Seems like they got a special knowledge or are able to feel his status in the new world? It’s still cracking me up that nobody ever mentions Jonah and his participation, and that he’s absolutely irrelevant (while he was the one to scheme and pushe and engineer this apocalypse in the first place).

  - Gigantic dread as soon as Jon mentioned Jude, because y i k e s: technically, we heard about avatars who felt extremely ruthless and cruel, such as John Amherst or Arthur Nolan, but those had belonged more to Gertrude’s era. Jude Perry was the one who felt the most gratuitous and deliberate in her cruelty, in Jon’s era? And despite that, was mostly staying in her lane – Jon had to look her up to find her in MAG089, she never went after him? So the idea that he was trying to confront her and bringing Martin with him (… without warning him at first), that he sought her out and was planning to kill her, felt dangerous and worrisome.

  - Gotta love, about the “valet”-thing, how:

(MAG169) JUDE: Fancy seeing you both here. To what, exactly, do I owe the pleasure, the honour, of being graced by the great and powerful Archivist, harbinger of this new world, and his, uh… valet…?

* It’s payback for Jon’s “I just… er, you were a friend of Agnes Montague, correct?” (MAG089). Opposite of mlm/wlw solidarity.

* ONCE AGAIN, after Elias, after Peter, after maybe Helen currently?, it’s an avatar underestimating Martin on sight.

  - It felt to me like Jon was mostly seeking answers or a form of peace of mind than genuinely getting revenge, or helping Jude’s victims? He insisted on his questions all through their confrontation:

(MAG169) ARCHIVIST: I have a question for you. I’ve been wondering. MARTIN: [COUGHS] ARCHIVIST: Did you know what you were doing? JUDE: Excuse me? ARCHIVIST: When you burned me. Marked me with… Did you know it would lead to… all of this? [CRUMBLING] JUDE: You came all this way just to ask that? ARCHIVIST: Answer the question. MARTIN: [COUGHS] JUDE: If you want to know so badly, why don’t you just reach into my head and pull it out? ARCHIVIST: Because I want to hear you say it. Willingly. JUDE: What difference does it make if it’s– ARCHIVIST: Just answer the damn question…! JUDE: … No. I had no idea. ARCHIVIST: So why did you do it? JUDE: Why do you think? Because I wanted to hurt you. MARTIN: [COUGHS] JUDE: Because you were annoying, and I didn’t like you! So I hurt you. ARCHIVIST: And if you had? JUDE: But I didn’t. Look. I don’t care, okay? MARTIN: [COUGHS] JUDE: I just… I don’t. Raking over the past like it matters, like it means anything… The past is dead, Archivist; ashes in the wind. We’re – here – now. And that’s it! ARCHIVIST: … I suppose you’re right…!

And this time, it wasn’t a tug-o’-war of question/answer resulting in one’s death (Peter), or an impulsive murder (Not!Sasha). It was planned and controlled, and deliberate. And it didn’t feel good at all: it was really a horrible scene, with Martin coughing and coughing in the background (… and Jon not paying it any attention), the execution dragging out and taking time, because Jon was processing slowly and not… giving the final blow. I really wondered if he was going to just stop, or if it wouldn’t work, or if Martin would ask him to stop – but no, quite the contrary, it’s Martin who yelled for it to be done:

(MAG169) MARTIN: [COUGHS] [STATIC RISING: LOW AND SPIRALLING, PRESSURING] JUDE: Uh! Listen… Listen… [BREATHLESS CHUCKLING] You’re enjoying this, right? ‘Course you are! You want to use those powers of yours to hurt people, you want to murder everybody who can’t fight back at you now? I can help you…! [DIGITAL GLITCHING SOUNDS] MARTIN: Just DIE already!! JUDE: You’re… not… better… than… me! [SCREAMS] [DIGITAL BURSTING, RIPPING SOUNDS] [STATIC DECREASES AND FADES] MARTIN: [COUGH] [PANTING] Is it…? ARCHIVIST: It’s over. … She’s gone.

;; There was something very… child-like, in Martin’s scream? You know, the kind of absolute rejection because he’s hurt and because in his mind there is no other way than for the other person to disappear for him to feel good ever again? I hadn’t paid much attention with Not!Sasha, but technically, the distorted, glitching sounds before and during the ripping of both the Not!Them and Jude sounded very close to Peter’s own static (and Martin’s, when he disappeared in front of Georgie): is it possible that he might have contributed in both cases, or amplified it? Or was it “only” Jon all through it?

- There is something very fitting in the fate of avatars, lately: the Not!Them was forced to “know” the suffering of its victims before getting ripped away from existence; Oliver was not rejecting death and knew it would come from him at some point, and Jon fittingly decided to spare him (although he was aware of the irony); Helen-the-Distortion is an ambivalent case (Jon can threaten her, but they can talk, it’s a bit of an unstable relationship the balance of which could shift at any time); Jude was inflected the suffering of her victims (and desolated herself in a way). It’s kinda fitting, for The Stranger, The End, The Spiral and The Desolation? I wonder how much the Domains are influencing Jon’s behaviour towards their agents, regardless of his personal feelings about them…

- Regarding Jon&Martin, it’s really heartbreaking that they are trying to navigate around and with each other’s feelings, trying to find the “right” decision regarding choices and boundaries… and that it backfired so badly due to the circumstances and the fact that, right now, they can’t really make an ideal, non-harming decision:

(MAG169) MARTIN: Jon, is there another way? ARCHIVIST: I mean… sort of? M–maybe? [SILENCE] MARTIN: That turn…! You, you took a hard turn after the roots back there. I knew that was a thing! Why are we here? ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] It’s just… [INHALE] When you said… [SIGH] MARTIN: Jon, why have you taken us here? ARCHIVIST: Jude Perry. … This is where Jude Perry rules. […] You said you were onboard. MARTIN: I was! I am; I just… thought… ARCHIVIST: It wouldn’t hurt? MARTIN: … That we’d be safe. ARCHIVIST: I never said– MARTIN: I know! I know, okay, I just… […] ARCHIVIST: … Alright. If you really don’t want to do this, we, we can go another way. MARTIN: Really…? ARCHIVIST: Really. My revenge… [SIGH] Well, let’s just say you’re more important. […] So are we going in, or not? MARTIN: You’re– … I, you’re asking me? ARCHIVIST: I should have told you before, so… I leave the decision to you. You know my feelings on the matter. MARTIN: I do? ARCHIVIST: I… Oh, right. I–I want revenge on Jude Perry. I want to… “smite” her. Make her feel what… [SIGH] what all her victims have felt. But I’m not willing to force you to suffer for it. MARTIN: Okay, so it’s… I have to choose, do I? ARCHIVIST: Or we could sit here. [SILENCE] [DISTANT SOUND OF SOMETHING COLLAPSING] MARTIN: … No. No, I–I’m not going to choose, I d–I don’t think that’s a fair decision to put on me. It’s your revenge; your choice, not mine. [SILENCE] ARCHIVIST: … Fine. We go in. [DISTANT SOUND OF SOMETHING COLLAPSING] MARTIN: [SHAKY INHALE] Al–alright then…! ARCHIVIST: We’ll be fine. MARTIN: J– Lead the way. [BAG JOSTLING]

It was good of Jon to admit that he should ask Martin, and expressed reluctance at the idea of putting him in an uncomfortable position for his own revenge! It was good of Martin, to establish once again that he didn’t want to bear the burden of deciding for both of them (MAG154: “Don’t do this.” “Do what?” “Make it my decision.”), while it was explicitly about what Jon wanted! … But it also feels like Jon would have needed Martin to decide agree to go for him if the goal was for Jon to find some peace of mind with his revenge, and that Martin would have needed Jon to say that no, definitely not, his revenge wasn’t worth endangering and harming Martin.

(Though, I feel like Martin was the most hurt of them both, this time around ;; He sounded absolutely miserable at the end of the episode, and he had been the one to begrudgingly agree to follow Jon after making it clear that he wouldn’t like the experience… I’m really surprised that Jon stuck to the “revenge” concept while he knew what was at stake for Martin. Really hoping that they will talk about it soon ;;)

  - ;; Technically, Jude made a lot of valid points regarding Jon-as-an-avatar:

(MAG169) JUDE: You’re not scared, though, are you, Archivist? ARCHIVIST: … I can feel the pain of every person you have trapped here. My own isn’t all that different. JUDE: Yeah, but you like seeing their pain, don’t you? Their fear? ARCHIVIST: … Yes. JUDE: You and that stupid Eye, god, you make me sick! Lording it over everybody like you own the place? You’re just leeches, voyeurs, parasites on the real monsters. […] Oooh, I see! I get it. You finally get a sniff of power, and the first thing you do is try to settle some old scores. MARTIN: [LOUDER COUGHS] JUDE: Play the big man, get off on good old-fashioned petty revenge~! […] I’m happy in this world. I belong here. And so do you. MARTIN: [COUGHS] [STATIC RISING: LOW AND SPIRALLING, PRESSURING] JUDE: Uh! Listen… Listen… [BREATHLESS CHUCKLING] You’re enjoying this, right? ‘Course you are! You want to use those powers of yours to hurt people, you want to murder everybody who can’t fight back at you now? I can help you…! [DIGITAL GLITCHING SOUNDS] MARTIN: Just DIE already!! JUDE: You’re… not… better… than… me! [SCREAMS]

He presented it to Martin as “revenge”. He went out of his way to find Jude, first hiding it from Martin and then deliberately making the decision of going after her after he learned that Martin would be terrorised by the domain (but ready to follow him if Jon really wanted to go). Jude’s execution also exists in contrast to Oliver, whom Jon had decided to spare because he had “helped” him (… to wake up as an avatar), while knowing full well that Oliver had killed people too (MAG121) and that he was currently torturing victims in his domains (in creative, cruel ways for “VARIETY”…). Jude’s smiting didn’t feel like an application of justice, or as something fair; it just felt like personal retribution, because Jon has the power to do it. There is something reassuring in the fact that the whole scene didn’t bring any catharsis, felt so extremely anti-climatic and miserable (Martin was in pain and on the verge of tears, wanted to leave the place; Jon wasn’t triumphant), because Jon behaved as the plaintiff, the legislature, the judge and the executioner – it is terrifying in itself that he has the power to establish who would have the “right” to die or to keep torturing people following whether or not they’ve served his interests.

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: I just, I don’t think he’s… [SIGH] I don’t know, I don’t think he’s evil. MARTIN: Oh, yeah, sure, he’s probably a really kind, benevolent ruler of a hellish fear prison…! ARCHIVIST: It’s just… He helped me. Wh–when I was… He woke me up. […] But I’m not going to… seek him out. At the very least, he’s earned not having me hunt him down. MARTIN: Fine. I suppose that’s… reasonable. […] ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] No. If Oliver will not seek me out, then… I will leave him be. [TINY CHUCKLES] The avatar of Death… shall live. Martin’s going to be thrilled…! [SIGH]

(MAG169) MARTIN: [COUGH] [PANTING] Is it…? ARCHIVIST: It’s over. … She’s gone. MARTIN: [PAINED] The fires are still here. Doesn’t look like much has changed. ARCHIVIST: … No. I suppose not. [CRUMBLING SOUND] MARTIN: [SHAKILY] … Let’s just get out of here.

Jude was indeed that one avatar we wanted to see disappear (since the was gleeful about hurting, that she chose to get involved in the cult and didn’t join it to escape another horrible fate, that she admitted she didn’t regret this world nor the hurt she had to Jon himself); but her accusations had some truth in them precisely because Jon had just decided to spare Oliver given their own relationship – while Oliver, too, had admitted that he was torturing and enjoying people for the fun of it. Jon’s judgement… doesn’t work. And since nothing changed in the domain, it just proved that avatars themselves weren’t the real problem at the root – the Fear-system is still in place, still working, with or without them, still hurting and feeding from people.

(… And it also highlights that, indeed, right now, Jon is “made” for this world, as Jonah had hypothesised in MAG160. He’s been shown grieving the old world, being eaten by guilt, refusing to embrace the fact that the Fears around him feel “right” at the beginning of the season. But he’s currently feeding from this world and still enjoying victims’ pain on some level – what would happen, if Jon&Martin managed to successfully revert the world back in some way? Would Jon still be able to survive?)

- We’ll see if Jon and Martin talk about it soon, but it sure feels like a conversation regarding the “smiting” is needed. Martin seems to have experienced first-hand that it’s nnooooot as good in practice as in theory (he was miserable, in pain, coughing his lungs out, witnessed Jon choose to willingly bring him into a discomforting, potentially triggering place in the name of it), but I’m not sure it will be enough for him to reconsider the idea, or to point out that… he had been wrong about it, and that the logic of killing avatars as an easy, evident, helpful thing… is actually not that simple, since it didn’t change anything. (Probably because they have to aim higher.)

I’m really not sure about their future stances regarding other avatars, because, really, who could feel as “deserving” as Jude? Jon might want his rib back, but he technically gave it to Jared as part of an agreement (and Jared honoured his half of the deal!); Daisy would “at best” represent an attempt at mercy-killing if Jon were to try anything (and it certainly wouldn’t feel good); Julia&Trevor… indeed caused the chaos in MAG158, which also led to Daisy snapping, but would it be enough to want to “smite” them? (Meanwhile, if Jon meets Simon: same as Oliver, given his relationship to his patron, he would probably just embrace his own death.)

Plus, if Jude’s execution felt unsatisfying now, I really doubt that doing anything to Jonah would feel satisfying either? It… wouldn’t solve anything or fix the world back.

- I really wonder what’s happening in Jon’s head right now, if everything was a conscious decision that more or less backfired (ha), or if there are once again influences at stake… Did he really go after Jude because, like Martin suggested, Jon thought it could free or at least relieve the people imprisoned in that domain? Jon can’t see the future, but he could have “known” what had happened to the Not!Them’s carousel to get an indication of what happens in those cases; it… didn’t sound like a genuine reason. Same thing with the concept of revenge: Jon was scared of it just a few episodes ago (MAG166: “Because I’m ashamed, Martin. […] Yes! Ashamed of the fact that I… destroyed the world and have been rewarded for it; the fact that… I can walk safe through all this horror I’ve created like a fucking tourist, destroying whoever I please; the fact that I… enjoyed it, and… the fact that there are… so many others, that I still want to revenge myself on!”), and if it had been only about revenge, he wouldn’t have needed to ask Jude all these questions and to delay the moment when he would actually end her. Was it because he hoped that Jude would regret, would have behaved differently if she had known that it would lead to the apocalypse? Was it because he wanted to check with himself whether “smiting” her deliberately would feel good, fair and right? Was it because he thought that trusting Martin’s judgement and killing avatars would indeed be the best course of action? Was it because he wanted to prove a point to Martin – that he’s a monster too, and/or that killing doesn’t feel as great in practice as on the paper?

… His behaviour in this episode reminded me so much of MAG141, however, and how coldly rational he had sounded about what he was doing to Floyd, as if it was a logical and implacable course of action; so I can’t help but wonder if there is Eye-related influence at play. Pushing him to hurt other avatars for The Eye’s entertainment, to feed from the ones who are usually feared? For “variety”, too?

- … Regarding Jon’s powers, I had briefly wondered whether Jon was still able to compel, given what Oliver had mentioned, but mMMMmmm…

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: “Please, Jon, do not interpret this report as a “plea for mercy” or a “call to action”. I would have offered it willingly, of course, but to do so is no longer an option. You cannot ask; you may only take.”

(MAG169) JUDE: You came all this way just to ask that? ARCHIVIST: Answer the question. MARTIN: [COUGHS] JUDE: If you want to know so badly, why don’t you just reach into my head and pull it out? ARCHIVIST: Because I want to hear you say it. Willingly. JUDE: What difference does it make if it’s– ARCHIVIST: Just answer the damn question…! JUDE: … No. I had no idea.

Since compelling Peter to death, Jon has never been shown forcing an answer out of someone again. He has been shown “knowing” things with alarming ability, being almost entirely omniscient at this point (MAG164: “Okay. So… how much can you see? What else do you know?” “Uh… Maybe everything…!”), whether it’s prompted by someone’s questions (as Martin demonstrated) or Jon just knowing things on his own accord. He has demonstrated a new way to deal with “statements”: getting filled with the Fears suffusing his surroundings, and having to “pour out” these statements into the tape recorder (MAG162: “This cabin. It’s not right. And, when I thought that, I–I felt… It, it all poured out of me down… into the tape.”). He has manifested his new Eye-related ability to turn the Feared into the Fearful, eradicating monsters and avatars (MAG166: “But The Eye still rules. All this fear is being performed for its benefit. And so, there are now exactly two roles available in this new world of ours: the watcher, and the watched. Subject, and object. Those who are feared, and those who are afraid. And Jon, well… he is part of The Eye; a very important part. And he’s able to, shall we say… shift its focus. Turn the one into the other.”). But compulsion as the act of asking a question and forcing an answer out of someone? Nothing since the beginning of the season. It might be nothing, but Oliver has always known so much about Jon and his situation, and Jude directly made a reference to that power when Jon didn’t use it, so… it could indeed be a thing.

(Or it’s also possible that, after Peter resisted compulsion to the point of dying, Jon fears that ability and what it could do, and purposefully stopped using it?)

MAG170’s title is… MmMMmm. If this an episode regarding a territory, I would say Spiral or Flesh (… and Jared in particular). It could also be about things outside of a domain, like what happened with “Curiosity” – and then, I’d see ways for it to be an outside POV (Jonah? Annabelle?) and/or other characters coming back (Georgie&Melanie? Basira? … stumbling upon/finding Daisy…?). And/or Martin talking about himself – we know so little about his pre-Archives life, I feel ;; (Same for Basira…) There could also be a way to connect with something mentioned about Agnes in MAG067…

(… It’s also making me think of Albrecht’s library / the Black Forest crypt and what Jonah did of the books…)

#mag169 #tma liveblog #tma season 4 #tma spoilers/ #long post/ #the magnus archives

[samheughanswife]

Kill the messenger so to speak

Yes I’m so over discussing this ad nauseam as I’m sure many are just as tired as having to read my rebuttal. Truly it’s astonishing

This will most likely be long. And I know many of you just want the readers digest version; The Dummies Guide to the Truth. Or what your version is to keeping your blogs alive and publishing BULLSHIT.

I want to address an issue of accountability and online friendship first. The cutthroat nature of this forum is brutal. Not for me though. I was just a shipper trying to make sense of what I saw. I had no skin in this game. Just reblogged and liked. I am only a presence now because of what I was able to uncover. I met up in RL with a shipper in our home town of Sydney. We seemed to be of like mind and enjoyed meeting regularly. Unfortunately that didn’t last. But what I did when I had returned from Glasgow was give her the benefit of what I uncovered.

Why. Well because she filled in many gaps and was a tumblr ‘expert’ and treasure trove. She introduced me to another Aussie. And then I connected with SiS. I was in so many ways beholden to these women for the connection and I shared with them the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Confirmation that Sam and Caitriona live together, share a car, share their lives 24/7. It didn’t go the way I had assumed with my original contact. C’est la vie and all that. I was faithful to the ‘if I find out anything I will share’ So that is out of the way.

I have been slandered and slammed for not stalking them 24/7. Jesus. First I was slammed for stalking them in the first place. Pick a lane and stay in it ladies. I was on holiday. I was having a good time too. Thank God I didn’t in fact spend all my time there because the sledges thrown my way prove it would have been for nothing here.

I DID IT FOR MYSELF FIRST AND FOREMOST.

And the times I was there luck and intelligent guesses worked in my favour. Good Friday and Easter Monday case in point. I’m not going to justify the quality of the photos again. I’m soooo sick to death of the same same same. And of course so many think that THEY know what I did. Without being present. And hey Puffy I tried to give you a correct account, admittedly it was days late, because you know RL and all that. I wasn’t driving by. I didn’t pixelate they. They were shared the way they were taken. The line is drawn on that FOREVER.

This is sooo long I’m ending it now completely. The photos are true. They were taken by me on Easter Monday afternoon. There was no one else in the car with Sam and Caitriona.

As I said. I give zero fucks to all of the chattering classes and all their theories and slanders. At the end of the day I have what I have and more. And thanks to this space of self inflicted purgatory that’s all I will share.

[gotskamstuff]

✨ QUARANTINE PLAYLIST CHALLENGE ✨

Love this idea, thanks for tagging me @death-of-astar ily 💕🥰

After 43 days in quarantine (but who’s counting?) I’m so close to losing my mind, the only thing that’s keeping me sane at this point is seeing the sun setting from the terrace of the building I live in, that’s something that I never did before this quarantine and it’s the only thing I wanna remember from this time so I put together some songs that I love listening to when I’m on the terrace on my own, some are happier and some are “gurl, you need help?” guess it depends on the mood (also put a few Italian tunes in there)

Chlorine - Birthh

La Santa - Bad Bunny

La Cancion - Bad Bunny

Lowkey - Babi

Boys will be boys - Dua Lipa

You should be sad - Halsey

Mouthwash - Kate Nash

Golden - Harry Styles

OK (Anxiety Anthem) STRIPPED VERSION - Mabel

The One - Jorja Smith

Dolerme - Rosalia

Miss Americana & The heartbreak prince - Taylor Swift

Better - Khalid

Will we talk?- Sam Fender

Rapide - Mahmood

C’est la vie - Achille Lauro

Forgotten love - Aurora

Completamente - The Giornalisti

Yesterday was hard on all of us - Fink

Asia Occidente - Mahmood

The sun will come up, the seasons will change - Nina Nesbitt

Cinnamon- Jome

Don’t be shy - Cat Stevens

I giorni - Ludovico Einaudi

This is why I need you - Jesse Ruben

O - Coldplay

Love a girl right - Little Mix

Breathin - Ariana Grande

(I highly doubt it but just in case anyone cares I added it to Spotify https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3P0pJln9zphZ9BFRxvBTTD?si=F9FNBYGMQxCwKBtBghwHDg )

#music tag #music challenge #playlist challenge #quarantine playlist

[cypresstrees]

🤔 21 Questions 🤔

answer 21 questions and tag 21 some people you’d like to get to know a little better 

tagged by: sorta by @boykingsqueen mostly i was bored and wanted to talk about myself

* Nicknames: jules, miči, meech, mimi, juvica (all by very specific people in very specific contexts, very off limits for people i don’t know really well)

* Name: julia (possibly also working on jay but i have no courage and that won’t actually happen unless i experiment with it. also have changed the phrasing of this question bc “real name” is not great wording for folks who don’t go by their given or legal name)

* Zodiac: gemini

* Height: 5′6″

* What ⏰ is it : 8:47pm

* Favorite Band/group: recently i’ve been listening to a lot of maggie rogers, so her i guess, and also i love the russian singer zemfira

* Favorite Sport Team: i mostly just watch figure skating, which doesn’t really have teams, but collectively the top japanese figure skaters are great. also stealing lauren’s answer and saying the u.s. women’s soccer team

* Other blogs: like a few defunct ones and ones i used to do edits for, but this is it for me these days 

* Do I get asks: nah not often

* How many blogs I follow: 233

* Tumblr crush: a lot of ppl, especially sam meta writers from peak spn time. you guys are really smart. (also she’s not on tumblr but have i talked about my massive intellectual crush on naomi klein bc oh my god)

* Lucky 🍀 number: idk? let’s say 25

* What am I wearing now: my favorite jeans, a loose black stripey long sleeve, and a t shirt. also my socks have sloths on them!

* Dream vacation: i’d love to roadtrip across the national parks and live out of a van! also i’m about to study abroad in serbia this semester and i’m so excited about it like ik it’s not a vacation but i wanna do a lot of local travel and see a lot of the area

* Dream car: either a tiny little car like a fiat or a renault (ooooh or an old yugo if i knew how to keep it running) or the aforementioned van with a mattress.

* Favorite food: pasta

* Drinks of choice: white wine, g&t, really cheap vodka if i’m trying to get drunk fast (i’m an underage college student in the us ok we do what we have to to survive)

* Instrument: i used to play piano and am taking a break from clarinet (i never practice and we got a new wind ensemble director who i like less this year so i decided to pause and see how i feel next fall)

* Language: english, bosnian/croatian/serbian (but with a lot of mistakes, we love being a heritage speaker), and i’m learning russian!

* Celebrity Crush: sandra oh and jodie comer bc i just watched killing eve and felt so pandered to in the best way possible. also i am ashamed to say i am sinking into a small sebastian stan moment (mostly bc the mcu has some really incredible fic authors and then my love for bucky barnes is transferred to him)

* Random Fact: i’ve read all the pre-1998 peanuts comics at least once, which is ironic bc i was born in 1999

i haven’t done one of these in a very long time and don’t really know who to tag, but i will no-pressure tag @viva-la-vie-bohemily, @songsaboutsleep, @glitter-lisp, @thompsonntessa, and anyone else who wants to do this idk man

#julia needs to shut up #tag game #i haven't done one of these in LITERALLY years i just checked my tags #also pls enjoy my abuse of parentheses

[fic-xation]

Motel Walls Are Made To Be Soundproof - a GEAH fanfic

Welp. I've officially fallen down the rabbit hole of Netflix's Green Eggs and Ham series. C'est la vie. Because we were ROBBED of this classic shipping scenario towards the beginning of episode ten, I took it upon myself to correct that fatal blunder. Hope you enjoy~! ❤️️❤️️

Archive

"Uh-oh! Sorry, but I've only got one room left. You'll have to share."

"Perfect! Slumber party!"

If Guy's extensive, miserable life has taught him anything, it's that the universe loves throwing him a curve ball whenever possible. And the clerk, (why did he look so familiar?) seemed only too pleased to oblige.

~~

The motel room was nothing short of standard. Beige, unassuming walls, mass-produced inoffensive factory artwork, a television, and twin, bland lamps framing a -

"... Single bed," grumbled Guy, letting his briefcase topple to the hardwood floor. "Figures."

His travel companion, however, approached the subject with his usual flair of obnoxious optimism.

"Hey! Single bed, double the snuzzles, amiright?" Gleefully, Sam elbowed at Guy's belly, before turning his attention to the warbling attaché. "What say we let you stretch your feathers, huh, buddy?"

"Sam, wait-!"

Too late.

Before Guy could get another word in edgewise, Sam flicked at the double latches, and with a caw of delight, Jenkins exploded into the room like a firecracker, crowing and bouncing with all limbs a-gaggle.

“Gyah-!” Guy yelped, stumbling onto his backside. Lucky for him, there was little in the room that could warrant an outrageous destruction fee…

… The noise on the other hand…

“Yeaa-aaah, Mistah J!” Sam whooped, bounding atop the lone bed like the sugar-addled child he was. “Talk about a party animal!”

Guy, however, was far from impressed.

"WILL you two keep it DOWN?!" he hissed, making a mad swipe for the Chikaraffe’s leg. With a playful squawk, however, the bird merely hoisted the elder Knox into the air, before catching him roughly by the scruff of his collar.

"What's got your wockets in a bunch?" Sam sneered, already making himself comfortable against the freshly laundered pillows. Guy, meanwhile, could only dangle helplessly from the smiling beak as he glared towards the wannabe bon vivant.

Thrashing his arms, he managed to free himself before collapsing to the mattress like a sack of cement.

"I don't know if you've noticed, or you're just too crazy to care-" Guy snarled, rising to his knees. "But we are up to our eyebrows in witnesses! Do the words noise complaint mean anything to you?! Or, better yet, search warrant?”

Valid concerns to be sure, but naturally, Sam shot him down with no more than a shrug.

"Chill-AX, my S.O.O.M.D.B... Stressed-Out-Over-Minor-Details-Buddy!” Reaching into the bedside drawer, he began to poke about curiously, evidently looking for something. “Motel walls are made to be soundproof! I mean, heaven forbid ya let the whole building know you n’ your partner are havin’ sweet, wonderful-”

“SAM!” Flushed and flabbergasted, Guy clapped his hands to Jenkins’ ears. (Or, at least, where he assumed ears would be.)

Innocently, Sam tilted his head to one side. “… What? I’m just sayin’, no one wants to have cereal with everyone listening in. Call me old fashioned, but I think slurping and crunching should be done behind closed doors only… Ooh! Speaking of which-”

Unsurprisingly, Sam was quick to find the room service menu. Wasting no time, he began to rifle through the cardboard pages, feigning a look of pseudo-concentration.

“… Let’s see…” he murmured, scratching his chin.

Guy, dumbstruck, could do nothing more than release Jenkins’ head with an aggravated grumph of embarrassment, clumsily shifting his hands into the pockets of his fur.

Why did he get the feeling Sam's… suggestive phrasing was all too deliberate?

"… Look-" he said at last, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Just do me a favor, and keep the nonsense to a minimum tonight, okay?"

"Roger-dodger, Captain Cantankerous!" Sam proclaimed, posing his hand in a jolly salute. "Me n' Mr. J'll be the very models of good behavior! ... Won't we, boy? Huh?"

Jenkins, with an excitable gobble, swiftly rolled onto his back.

"Ooooh-” Sam cooed. “Looks like someone is croakin’ for a strokin’!”

With reckless abandon, he launched himself towards the bird, eagerly combing his hands along the soft, feathery belly. “We're gonna be good, wholesome tenants for this good, wholesome establishment. Aren't we? Aren't we, ya silly-willy-nilly-boy...!"

Even Guy couldn’t help but smile slightly, quietly succumbing to a gentle pet along the downy fuzz of the Chikaraffe’s neck.

The power of Sam’s smugness, though, was certainly enough to ruin the moment. With a jerk of his hand, Guy hastily withdrew, and crossed over to the phone atop the T.V mantle.

“Ah, gettin’ the midnight munchies, are we?” Sam smirked, flopping onto his stomach.

“… Sam, it’s seven-thirty.”

“You say tomato, I say ketchup.” He shrugged, propping himself against his elbows. “Oh, but ya know what tastes great in a motel room paid for by identity theft? Couple a’-!”

"If you say the words, 'eggs,' or 'ham,' or 'green,' in any particular order, I'm dumping you off at the diner where I found you." Guy warned, his brows derisively furrowed.

"... Questioned rescinded!" Sam chirped, though something in his expression seemed to have faltered a bit.

... Or, maybe it was just Guy's imagination.

"In any case-" Guy's furry finger trailed the length of the rotary dial. "I'm not callin' room service. I'm just gonna ask the front desk to send up a cot."

Sam chuckled, impishly turning to his back as he kicked at the air. "A cot? … Honestly, Guy, you spoil this bird silly! But there's really no need, I mean, this goofball should be fine with just a sheet or two-"

"It's not for Jenkins." Guy said stoutly. "It's for me."

… Sam’s feet ceased their flexing. Pouncing back to his knees, he stared at Guy with eyes like saucers.

"... For you?" He repeated dumbly. "Ya mean you're not-"          

"No." Guy huffed. "I'm not." Shifting his shoulders, he fidgeted slightly with the coil of the phone. "... It... It’s just for comfort's sake. I-I'd feel better if we weren't... If I-" He cut himself off, practically tangling the cord between his awkward joints.

Sam observed his friend for a moment or two, before smiling easily with a flash of his hand. "Say no more, Pally O'Malley. You need your sleep-space, and I respect that. So!” He leapt to his feet. “What d'ya say we pull the ol' switcheroonie, and trade spots, huh? Let ME take the cot, and you can help yourself to the king-size!"

He then made an exaggerated gesture across the bedspread, like a gameshow host parading a new car. Needless to say, Guy was a little more than surprised.

"... Are... are you sure?"

"Of course! A lil' guy like me doesn't need this much room, anyway. Besides-” Slowly, Sam tucked his hands behind his back, sheepishly shuffling at his feet. “… After all the confuzzlement I've put ya through, this only seems fair."

… Sam was certainly a lot of things, (the words 'dope,' and 'nimrod' generally came to mind,) but every once in a while, he showed a certain level of autonomy Guy didn't think was possible. Briefly lost for words, Guy stared, slightly slack-jawed, before inevitably coming to his senses with a shake of his head.

"... Er... Thank you." He mumbled quietly.

~~

After everything that Guy’d gone through within the last two days, (ranging from breakneck bean-recovery, to adversarial avalanches,) he would’ve happily sacrificed his own appendix for a good night’s rest.

Unfortunately, (but not unsurprisingly,) he had no such luck.

At first, it’d been Jenkins vying for his attention, whining softly as he prodded his beak to Guy’s shoulder.

“… Mr. Jenkins… No… It’s sleep-time…” Guy murmured drowsily, his face half-hidden behind the mound of pillow. If Guy had to guess, he’d wager the big fella was just restless, or hungry… But there was something to his chirping that felt more… desperate. Like he was actively pleading for Guy’s attention. Against his better judgement, Guy finally arose with a groggy grouse, rubbing his palm to the grittiness of his sleep-starved eyes.

“Alright, buddy, wassa matter?” he mumbled with a yawn. Looking over to the creature, Guy expected him to be pecking at the windows, or, (heaven forbid,) scratching at the door… But, to his surprise, Jenkins’ attention was not pointed at the room…

But to Sam.

Sam, who was curled like a boiled shrimp against the suspended canvas of the lightweight cot, quivering pitifully…

… Oh, Dillikins, is he sick?!

Frantically, Guy flicked at the adjoining lamp, scrambling to Sam’s side.

“Sam! Sam, what-”

“… M’sorry…”

Sam’s voice came in feebly; so feebly, in fact, that Guy wasn’t even sure he’d really heard it. Brow furrowed, he gingerly knelt to the floor.

Sam was… sorry?

… Sorry for what?

It was then that Guy realized – Sam wasn’t sick, he was dreaming… Then again, judging by the violent twitches, maybe nightmare would be the better word…

"Sam... Sam, c'mon, wake up-" Guy whispered, hopelessly jostling at his partner’s shoulders… but to no avail.

"... M'sorry..." Sam mumbled again. Guy couldn’t quite pinpoint it, but something about his voice was... unnerving. It lacked his devil-may-care smoothness and bravado... It sounded weaker, smaller... younger, even. “I… I promise I'll be good... I won't be a burden, Mom, please-"

Without warning, Sam’s rubbery arms twisted themselves around Guy’s unsuspecting midsection like a snake. He reeled, flustered and shocked, but there was no prying the little man from the surprise embrace. He seemed glued to Guy’s stomach, murmuring pathetically all the while,

“Don’t leave… Don’t leave, I’ll be good… I swear I’ll be good…”

It was not the monstrous storm of a boisterous sob, but instead, something quieter... and, all together sadder. It rattled in Sam's ribcage, shaking him from the inside-out. Against his friend, he shivered like a pup, huffing and panting and gulping for air, as his tears dampened the weathered, oak-colored coat.

Guy was all too familiar with the type of nightmare Sam was having, even if the specific context was lost on him. More than once, he’d woken up to an exhausted morning after a fit of grief-filled sleep; his face so ludicrously wet with tears, one would think it'd been raining indoors.

"SAM!" Guy hissed, rustling at his partner’s arms like a maraca. Still murmuring his ghostly pleas, Sam head merely bobbed lifelessly.

“What is he, comatose?!" Guy seethed, shooting Jenkins a thunderstruck look. "I can't get him up!"

Mr. Jenkins whimpered helplessly, glancing between his two adopted papas dads like a frightened toddler. Just then, his face lit up, and, (in what Sam would no doubt classify as a lightbulb moment,) he snapped his powerful jaws at the little man's leg.

… Sam was certainly awake then. His eyes popped open like two jack-in-the-boxes, and with an exaggerated breath, Guy knew a scream was bound to follow. Reeling, he hastily clapped his hands to his partner's open mouth, but not even that was enough to stifle the shriek of pain.

"Shh- be quiet, just be quiet!" he urged, not troubling to temper his own volume as he wrestled the writhing Sam. It proved to be more difficult than one would think, (after all, he was no bigger than their luggage to begin with,) but in his twisting arms, Sam squirmed and thrashed a weasel.

“You're fine, you're okay, just be quiet, please!"

THUMP-THUMP-THUMP!

There came a harsh hammering from the opposite wall, rattling the headboard and lamps in its wake.

“Hey-!” cried a muffled, male voice. “Put a cork in it over there!”

“Yeah!” resounded a second, unfamiliar, (but equally masculine,) voice. “Some of us are tryin’ to eat cereal here!”

Red-faced with effort as well as embarrassment, Guy bit at his lip.

… So much for soundproof walls…

“S-sorry!” he stammered, hurriedly gesturing for Jenkins to hush. “My, uh… my buddy here just stubbed his toe! … We – we promise to keep it down!”

“Yeah, you better!” growled the first voice. “Cause if I hear one more peep outta either a’ you, I’m filin’ a complaint!”

Guy swallowed. “… D-duly noted…” Briefly, he paused, wondering what else to say. “Er… Sleep tight!” he added, with a gawky sort of grin.

“I wouldn’t count on it!” giggled the second voice.

Finally, after a moment of strained silence, Guy let out a breath.

“You know, those two sound so cute together.”

With a strangled yap, Guy glanced down towards Sam. He’d all but forgotten about his partner, now perfectly conscious as he lounged within the incidental cradle.

“I gotta say-” Sam continued, casually resting his hands behind his head. “In spite of the blinding pain in my leg, this is a pretty nice way to wake up.”

With a noise of disgust, Guy hastily tossed Sam to the bed like one unloading a bag of trash.

“For your information-” he snapped. “I was trying to wake you up before you got us thrown out on our furry duffs! You were caterwauling like a Pandog with a Spork in its spleen!”

… Okay, so, maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration. Even Jenkins shot Guy an accusatorial glare.

Sam’s smile, however, was dropped almost at once. “… You… You heard all that?”

Guy blinked, a little stunned. He’d been expecting a laugh, or a dismissive hand-wave, but… Sam looked almost afraid, sitting back against his knees as he anxiously wrung at his hands.

“… Er… Not too much-” Guy mumbled, suddenly feeling as fretful as Sam looked. There was something so off-putting about seeing such a plucky spirit look so apprehensive… Sheepishly, he rubbed at his arm, glancing towards the ground. “… I-I mean… You mentioned your mom once, but-”

Guy looked up, suddenly noting the subtle twitch in Sam’s seemingly blank eyes.

“… Sam…?” he ventured cautiously.

All at once, Sam’s voice broke out in a crooked sort of chortle.

“BOY-!” he proclaimed, in an unsettling parody of his usual swagger as he hopped to the floor. “I sure could go for a swim right now! Did ya know this place even had a pool? I was shocked, I mean, talk about luxury! Did I remember to pack my swim-trunks? Ah, I guess it doesn’t matter; I mean, I only got the one shirt anyway, right? Do ya think they got pool floaties? Gee, I hope they got pool flo-”

“Sam.”

The little vagabond was already halfway towards the door when Guy’s hand came to rest at his shoulder. Visibly cringing, Sam risked a glimpse, and found his partner’s expression rather… uncharacteristically compassionate.

"... Heh... No beatin' around the bush with you, huh?” Chewing his lip, Sam looked back down.  “… L-look, it... it's nothing! We all have our weird dreams, it's nothin' to get all flibberty-gibbet about!"

Guy groaned, wearily massaging at the corner of his eye. "Sam, a dream about two countries warring over butter is weird. You were having a sleep-paralyzing nightmare. It was…” He paused, suddenly feeling considerably warm. “… Disconcerting.”

"... Oh, Guy-" Sam's eyes wobbled with hyperbolic affection. "You do care!"

He lunged for a hug, but, per the norm, Guy was quick to rebuff.

"I just wanna get this resolved so I can get some sleep, okay?" he spat, shoving the Who to one side. Nevertheless, Sam remained as misty-eyed as a child coveting a Valentine's Day card.

"Okaaaay... ya big ol' softie-pants."

With an amorous giggle, he lightly tapped at Guy's knee, who just rolled his eyes.

“… Alright, c’mon you.” Decisively, Guy headed back towards the bed, helping himself to a seat along the edge. Turning his eyes, he tapped at the open space beside him, to which Sam gave his usual melodramatic gasp.

"You... you mean it?"

Reddening slightly, Guy scowled heavily. "Don’t go gettin’ mushy on me; my legs were just gettin' tired, and..." he trailed off, shaking his head. "Look, just get over here before I change my mind."

With a hoot, and a tap of his heels, Sam was already in, burrowing beneath the blankets like a rabid Groundgopher. As tightly wound as a burrito, he poked his face out from the folds, and giggled huskily.

"I always say, heart-to-heart talks are always better when you're all snuzzled up under a blanket! Ooh, ya know what would make this even better? Hot choco-late!" Dreamily, he sighed, and smacked at his lips. "What do ya say we order ourselves a round to get started, and-"

“Sam, stop trying to change the subject and talk to me.” Guy interjected, swiveling in place as he crossed his legs. “… Is talking about your mother that much of a sudden sore spot for you?”

Even before the sentence was out, Guy knew he’d said the wrong thing. Sam lost all trace of mirth in his expression, slowly staring out towards the opposite wall like a man in mourning.

It then occurred to Guy this was probably the first Sam was ever reluctant to speak.

"... Look-" Guy sighed, resting his arms to his raised knees. "... I'm probably the last Guy to be givin' advice about family stuff, but... whatever the deal is, it seems to me like your mom really loved you... And I mean, look at you now. A certified wildlife protector-! A hero, risking life and limb to protect a helpless animal-"

With every word of praise, Sam seemed to sink further and further into the blankets. Sensing the obvious discomfort, Guy quickly switched gears.

"... Look, bottom line is, you got a lot for a mom to be proud of. That..." he glanced over his shoulder towards the briefcase housing his dismantled self-flyer, and sighed. "... That's more than a lot of people can say."

Despite the gentle words, Sam continued to stew in his self-imposed silence. Warbling softly, Jenkins reached out across the bed, and nudged his nose to Sam's shoulder invitingly. With a resigned sort of smile, Sam naturally obliged, stroking his hand along the bird's mop of magenta hair.

"... I can't say any of that, though..." he said quietly. More quietly, in fact, than Guy'd ever heard him. "My mom wouldn't be proud, ‘cause... she never knew me."

Silently, Jenkins withdrew his head, as Guy could only stare. "... What did you say?"

Surely he'd heard wrong.

"... I made it all up." Sam mumbled after a moment. "Everything I said about my mom... was a lie."

... Then... All those stories-

"But... But what about the juice incident?" Guy reasoned. "Or the stuffed animals, or - or-" briefly, he snapped at his fingers, desperately wracking his brain for any other examples. "Or your imaginary friend, Reggie? Who she pretended was real?"

Beneath the thick veneer of shame and guilt, Sam couldn't help but feel a soft pat of fondness for his gruffy companion.

... He really had been listening...

"Made up... Pretend... Non-existaroo." he listed hoarsely, staring up towards the ceiling. "I never told anybody this before, but... when I was very little my mom-" Sam's voice broke slightly, and he swallowed. "... Left me at an orphanage... It's always just been me. I mean-" he paused, smiling ever so faintly. "At least until I met you."

... Guy was stupefied. Practically since the beginning, he'd pegged his fellow felon as a fool; a clingy buffoon born with an undeserved silver spoon in his mouth... And now, come to find out... he'd been abandoned?

"... Do you remember anything about your parents?" Guy ventured softly.

Sam looked away. "... I remember my mom... a little. Just... one thing."

"What?"

Even in the darkness, Guy could catch the faintest hue of rose blooming through Sam's pearly fur. Shuffling deeper under the covers, he mumbled sheepishly, "It's not important..."

Guy found himself leaning forward.

"Go ahead," he whispered encouragingly.

Though something told him he already knew what it was. Whimpering shyly, Sam drew the brim of his sleep cap over his eyes.

"... It's silly..."

"... Sam..."

Sam jolted slightly, looking out from under his hat. He'd known from the get-go that Guy was not a touchy-feely sort of Knox, and yet... he'd made a gentle reach for his partner's trembling hand, as seamlessly as though he'd been practicing for years. And even more puzzling, he showed no sign of regret, or awkwardness... He just stared with those lined, tired eyes, and squeezed.

Sam’s face went from white to pink… Then, smiling in defeat, he relaxed, and gazed up towards the ceiling.

"... She made me breakfast."

... Guy'd known it, without really knowing it... And even still, he couldn't think of what to say. How many times had Sam ordered that dish in their shared existence? ... And how many times did Guy gag, and shudder, and turn his nose up at it?

... How many times did he turn his nose up to her memory?

The guilt suddenly sagged in his stomach like a stone.

"... I bet hers-" he said after a beat. "... Were really good."

Sam chuckled sadly, finally turning onto his side, though he still avoided eye contact. With his free hand, he mournfully traced the swirling pattern of the bed sheet. "The best... Really green... Super eggy... I've been trying to find her all these years, so I could ask... why, ya know?" He blinked, and a tear lazily trailed along his fur. "... Why she gave me up..."

Guy wanted to say something... anything... but a saddened, desperate chuckle quickly interrupted.

"I-I'm sure it's a good reason, I just-" Sam's voice seem to thicken with grief, as his grip on Guy's hand only tightened. One by one, tear after tear splashed against the bedspread, but Sam was determined to carry on. "... I really wanna know... So I keep ordering them, and I keep trying them... But they're..." he struggled to swallow the burgeoning lump in his throat. "... Never hers..."

Sam I-Am and Guy Am-I had not been together for very long, but in their time together, there seemed to be one hard and fast rule.

Sam was always the first to instigate a hug.

Tonight, Guy broke that rule.

“… Keep trying, Sam …” he whispered, gently cupping Sam’s head to his chest. The gesture and confession proved to be too much for Sam, as he quickly dissolved into snuffles of catharsis, desperately clasping his Guy like a life preserver. Purring softly, Jenkins curled his elastic neck around the pair of them, encircling the two like a wreath of pure warmth.

"Here, blow." Guy said after a minute, plucking a tissue from the box atop the bedside drawers, and gingerly held it to Sam's button nose.

Unfortunately, the moment of tactile tenderness was quickly squelched, as, with a nasally Bronx cheer, Sam's thunderous mucus rocketed a stream of slime as green as his eggs. Quickly suppressing the urge to retch, Guy snagged at a fistful of tissues, hastily smothering them to Sam's sticky face.

"... Better?" he asked, swiftly tossing the snotty clump to one side.

Sam gave a shuttering sniffle, nodding weakly.

“… Y-yeah… Th-thanks, Guy…” Smiling wetly, he dragged his knuckles across his swimming eye before casting the discarded cot a look of drained submission. “I… I guess I oughta be gettin’ back to bed…”

He made to move, but was suddenly pulled back in by Guy.

“… You don’t have to leave…” he muttered, squaring his shoulders with a great show of shyness. Lowering his gaze, he buried his twisted mouth against the fluff of his tawny neckline. “… N-not… not if you don’t want to, I mean…”

“... For real?” Sam gawked. “… But… but what about your sleep-space?”

“Eh,” Guy shrugged, finally sliding in under the comforter, as Jenkins dutifully uncoiled. “I always sleep alone… So, maybe…” Shyly, he fluffed at his pillow. “… I could try it with a companion, for once… Who knows?”

Without realizing it, he’d shuffled in closer, making a second clasp for Sam’s feeble hand.

“… I might wind up liking it.”

#fanfic #fanfiction #Sam I Am #Guy Am I #green eggs and ham #Green eggs and ham netflix #Briefcase Buddies #slight elements of dirty-do's #but mostly just fluff and angst #I legit love Michelle and Guy don't get me wrong #Sam is just more fun to write for #SamxGuy #guy x sam