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ed-recovery-affirmations · 2 months

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I just made myself a cup of a new tea, one from a set that a friend sent me. I was super curious to try it with and without milk in it, so after I take a sip without, I'm going to add milk to my tea.

That may seem like such an inane little story to post on a blog, unless you have an eating disorder. I'm sure many of you know what a big deal milk in tea can be, and what an important act of self-love it is.

It was poured into many of our ears, approaching teenhood in the mid-2000's, not to "drink our calories." For those of us whose restriction was weight-based, many of us practiced filling ourselves with water, with our coffee black and unsweetened whether that was how we liked it or not, and with tea that never contained milk.

Like many people who've struggled with binge eating and with restriction, I struggle with creating anxiety-inducing rules about when is okay to eat, especially if I'm between meals and worrying if I should allow myself a snack, or if it's okay to quench my thirst with anything other than water. This is especially true between meals. For some reason my brain has accepted the "extra" caloric intake as part of a meal, but still balks at the idea of introducing these things independently into non-meal parts of the day. I would like to note that my chronic illness and my body's reaction to food has also influenced this weird relationship between me and my favorite treats, such as a piece of candy, or a beverage that might happen to contain a greater-than-zero calorie count.

But tonight, before bed, I want to try this tea. And it sounds like one that'd be super tasty with milk, as it has cocoa powder and vanilla in the blend. So I let my tea cool in the room with me as I type this, telling myself that I can get up and go back for milk after I taste it.

Now I have gone to the kitchen.

Now I have poured in a splash of milk and tasted. It's soy milk, as regular milk sometimes hurts my stomach and I don't want my sleep to be disrupted. Due to my chronic illness, this is still something I have to think about, and I'll be honest, I hate it. Things like this make it so hard to tell myself I can let go of my food fears, because my brain knows that some of my food fears will turn out to have validity, and so what if they all do?

Now I have poured in another splash. Tasted.

Now I have poured in a third, much larger splash. Tasted.

Oh, this is it. This tea tastes like a warm dessert. But now it's too cool, so I need to microwave it back to its best heat. I used to not want to microwave my food. As a teen I heard a hippie say that microwaves destroy the nutrients in your food because the radiation breaks down their molecular structure. This is absolutely false. In fact, it's been disproven that microwaves break down nutrients any more than other methods of heating food, but for a long time I believed it. And even after I learned the truth, I still found it hard to convince myself it was okay to use microwaves for a very long time.

I have just finished my tea in my room. I took the time to identify that I wanted it. I took the time to truly taste it in several different ways, consider how I felt I wanted it and bring it to those specifications. It wasn't planned for any specific time or day, but I agreed to give myself this the way I wanted it anyway. I've been drinking my coffee with milk every morning, too. I actually like black coffee, but I like it better with milk. And I give myself things throughout the day that I enjoy, to enhance my experience of my existence. Life is hard, and it's okay to allow yourself, to the fullest extent you can, the small joys that bring you through the day.

I wanted to share this with you. I hope you don't feel the crushing weight of morality when staring at a bottle of regular soda and the sugar-free, when you wake up with your morning coffee, when your self-care regimen includes a cup of tea. I hope you practice actively giving yourself the love you need this week. And I hope you give it to yourself exactly the way you need it.

#recovery diaries #ed recovery #restriction recovery #self care #food cw #long post

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ilovethebittertaste · 2 months

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coming back to 3dblr after “recovery”

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st4rslike2st4rve · 3 months

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card declines at therapy so they tell you you're not sick enough to recover yet

#ana trigger #starv3 #⭐️ving #4n0r3xia #i will be weightless #tw ed diet #di3ts #⭐️ve #tw ana diary #pro for me not for thee #tw disordered thoughts #ana bllog #anatumblr #ana rant #tw ana trigger #tw restrictive ed #tw disordered eating #pro recovery

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st4rv3me · 14 days

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#ed ednotsheeran restriction #4nor3xia #4nerex1a #forced recovery #i wanna lose weight #calories #weight loss #4norexla #4n4t1ps #4narex1a #4n0rexic #4n4blr #4n4rexia #tw ed not ed sheeren #tw ed ana #tw ed disorder

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eatme3 · 2 months

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im sorry, but i don't really think an addiction is a good substitute for not eating like... wym i should do c0caine to help me ⭐️ve????

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wanna-b-w8lessss · 2 months

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cant recover when theres no proof of anything TO recover from.

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effortofthestrained · 8 months

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Something I learned the hard way:

“Motivation” and “discipline” isn’t enough sometimes. You’re resisting the natural human urge to feed yourself. And occasionally natural instincts are going to win. It’s life, and it’s good.

What will get you to that last little edge of success is one thing: fear.

Fear will suppress any instinct you still have.

Being scared…is unlike anything else when it comes to getting things done.

I hate being scared. Scared of c4lor1es. Scared of processed food and snacks. Scared of sugar. Scared of anything I don’t make 100% from scratch. Scared of seeing the number climb. It’s completely horrible. Once you’re afraid, everything changes. Suddenly it’s not so hard anymore. Resisting is easy because you know the fear you’ll feel afterwards isn’t worth it.

I hope no one reaches the point of fear. Because it’s much harder to recover from fear than it is from bad habits.

If anyone finds themselves starting to get afraid…watch yourself.

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maln0urish-3d · 9 days

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My favorite 2000s thinsp0 🩷

I aspire to be skinny like young Bill kaulitz.

#low cal restriction #tw ed but not sheeran #tw ana bløg #thinspø #tw thinspi #male thinspi #th1nsp1ration #⭐️ve #⭐️rving #pro recovery #tw mia #bulim14 #disordered eating mention

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ed-recovery-affirmations · 7 months

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You know something I personally had to kill in order to heal? The "snacking is bad" mentality of diet culture. If I'm hungy I'm gonna have myself a lil snack. I love snacks. And I've found that I'm less likely to binge later if I know I can eat whenever my body needs food, because my body doesn't cue me to eat desperately if it knows that mealtimes aren't the only times I'll have access to food.

#ed recovery #diet culture #binge eating disorder #bed #restriction recovery #ana recovery

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ilovethebittertaste · 2 months

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