#repent... forgive... etc..............

[lazaruspiss]

catholic moment

#'repent' shhhhhhut up #i always forget i was supposed to catholic until i visit my dad's family or i hear/see one of The Words #repent... forgive... etc.............. #i vaguely remember at least one prayer! it came up in a fic once and i kept going 'HEY. HEY WAIT I KNOW THAT THING.' #our father who art tho in heaven give us this gay our daily bread or whatever #thy kingdom come thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven yada yada forgive our sins as we forgive others and let us chow down already #in the name of the father son holy spirit amen i STILL do that shit on reflex #theres a whole motion- father at the head down on son then up to a shoulder on holy and cross to the other on spirit! #i should not be so proud of myself but shut up its MY vaguely hostile relationship with my sort-of catholicism #and i get to choose how i deal w it #yeah i dont remember cracking open the bible very much but i DO remember prayer stuff. american church am i right

[jadehorror]

it will never not impress me how stupid fandom takes can be

#this is specifically abt endwalker #and zenos saying if we would be satisfied if he had a 'good reason' #and then claiming the reason we dont like him but do like emet is only because we jive more??? what? ??? #emets reason for. yknow. genocide was the whole “im just bringing it back the way it was. these people will be WHOLE again” etc #while not a good reason by the standards of a person who is NOT an ancient atm #his viewpoint makes sense when you look at it from his perspective #his background and knowledge etc- he KNOWS he can fix it he just has to etc etc #zenos “motive” for killing like. a lot a lot of people? bored. he was bored. he wants to feel something. #if he brings about the end of the world we will finally want to fight him #they also tried using a 6.x character and gaius as examples and like. people who were manipulated?? #gaius is obviously a fuckup who is continuing his repentance and not asking for forgiveness #and the unnamed one was given a PRETTY GOOD REASON TOO #like yes actually a characters motivation gives a lot of insight into their morality lmfao #(these are a lot of tags but just. man) #emets still a really REALLY evil person from our pov- and he doesnt regret it nor would do anything different #but he wasnt going around causing calamities for funsies or just because he was bored

[cemeterything]

yes you do not have to be worthy of redemption to be loved you do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles in the desert repenting etc. but i kind of love it when someone is so fundamentally opposed to being allowed to carry on after what they did without being punished for it (even though of course you could argue that is a fitting punishment in itself) that the most hurtful thing you can possibly do to them is grant them your forgiveness

#🐉

[hannieehaee]

hi! i hope u are doingg greattt! can u please do a wonwoo fic about when u get into an accident while ur husband!wonwoo was on a tour????????plzzzz do this fic and a happy endingg plzzzz

content: husband!wonwoo, idol!wonwoo, established relationship, gender neutral reader, angst, mentions of an accident, mentions of hospital, (tw for car accident implications), fluff, happy ending, etc.

wc: 1188

a/n: thank u for requesting!! sorry i took a lil while to get to it T-T

masterlist

wonwoo had never felt such fear in his life. i mean, how else was he supposed to react to such an unpredictable situation?

last he had spoken to you had been only three hours ago. on the phone. he had bid you goodbye for the night, letting you know he was about to go on stage and that he'd call you the next morning due to your time differences. he knew you'd be going home from work and head straight to sleep, so he didnt want you to feel like you had to wait up for him as he finished his never-ending setlist.

the next thing he knew, he was walking into the backstage area once more, exhausted but ready to head back to the hotel. except his plans had been interrupted by his manager, who pulled him aside to give him the grim news.

you had gotten on an accident on your way home. there were no more details at the moment. something about your best friend calling wonwoo from the hospital, but his manager had picked up, not understanding much from your friend's frantic rambles. wonwoo's heart immediately dropped at the implication. an accident could mean anything. it had happened on your way home, so that couldve implied a car accident .. wonwoo couldnt breathe anymore. the more he thought, the more his heart raced. his breath became heavy at the bare thought of you scared and alone while at home, not having your husband by your side.

he had been having fun on stage with his best friends while you had gotten hurt. there was no way for him to forgive himself for not being with you right now. he called your phone over and over as he ran to his assigned car, not even caring to change out of his concert ensemble. in the meantime he had his manager book him a flight to you immediately, not giving a second thought to any repercussions to his absence.

it took him a while to receive a response from you, or well, your best friend. she had called from your phone, letting him in on more details of your accident. wonwoo couldnt help but let out a sigh of relief at the news. you were okay. you were alive. you had swerved too harshly in order to avoid a deer that had gotten in your way, which caused the car to crash against a tree. the hood of the car was destroyed beyond reparation, but you had been left injured, but almost unscathed past a few broken bones. it was a broken arm, a broken collarbone, and a few scratches (re: a ton), but it was manageable. he would still dote to you until you healed, but he was just extremely content that you were okay.

regardless of your state, wonwoo still insisted on flying out to you. according to your best friend, you were still passed out. fortunately for wonwoo, his flight would take him to you within five hours, meaning you'd likely be awake by the time he got to you. his heart couldnt help but continue to race for you. the scare was still fresh in his mind, and the thought that he wouldve been away from you had it been something worse made him want to repent.

somehow he managed to fall asleep during the flight, only to be awoken by his manager the moment the plane landed. thankfully, it had been an unplanned flight, which meant wonwoo had the luxury of no one awaiting him at the airport. he had covered himself up – a bucket hat and a face mask sufficed to get him to where he needed to be with no recognition. he made the trip as quick as possible, feeling an instinctual need to be by your side.

after some very inconvenient paperwork, he made it to your room, standing outside as he pondered as to why he was scared to go in. you were fine. and probably even awake by now. but he couldnt help but think: it had taken him a total of seven hours to get to you. if anything ever happened to you, his idol schedule would always get in the way. your husband was not truly a husband. he was always away, always prioritizing his work and his fans, unable to tend to you in such moments. he always knew you'd be better off with someone who partook a more conventional career, but moments like this truly proved his theory.

even now, he felt like a terrible partner. he was pitying himself instead of checking on you. the realization made him shake his head at his own thoughts, forcing them away as he walked in. any thinking prior to that moment had been useless, as his heart became swollen with adoration the moment he saw you look up at the door, smiling as soon as your eyes landed on him. you didnt pay mind to your injuries, sitting up and extending your healthy arm towards him to draw him in.

he couldnt help but fall into your arms, doing his best to avoid any broken bones as he held you against him. he was aware that some of his body weight was above you, but you wouldnt let him pull away to readjust. you wanted him in your arms as much as he did you.

damn any insecurities wonwoo had. he'd be selfish and keep you to himself. if he had to exhaust himself through hours of travel to get to you, he would. or even better, he'd take you with him from now on. be damned anything that tried to get in the way of him and his love.

"my love ..."

"dont worry, nonu. im fine! it was just a freak accident. you didnt have to come, but ... fuck, im so happy you're here," you rambled as soon as you pulled away, still keeping him sitting on the bed as you leaned as close to him as possible.

"ill always come, you know that," he paused, "you scared the fuck out of me, i ... that call. ive never been more terrified. im sorry i wasnt here, im sorry i-"

"wonwoo, no! i understand. i cant believe you flew all the way to see me even if its just a few broken bones. im sorry i scared you."

his hand made its way to your cheek, caressing it gently as he smiled sweetly at you, "dont apologize. ill take a million scares if it means you're okay. i ... is it okay if i stay? i want to take care of you. actually, no, i dont care if its too much, i- i need to be by your side. can i?"

"yes. you dont have to ask, i always want you here."

"good. ill take you home with me as soon as you're discharged. never letting you out of my sight again."

"what about tour, you-"

"shh. ill take care of it. you're my priority. ill take care of you, okay? i love you."

"i love you more, nonu."

he let yet another sigh of relief at those five words, knowing that as soon as he heard those words, he'd be okay. you'd both be okay.

#seventeen fanfic #seventeen x reader #svt fanfic #seventeen #svt #svt x reader #seventeen imagine #seventeen oneshot #seventeen reactions #seventeen angst #seventeen fluff #svt angst #svt fluff #wonwoo fluff #wonwoo angst #wonwoo x reader #wonwoo fanfic #wonwoo imagines #wonwoo oneshot #wonwoo scenarios

[shywritersblog]

Here are 100 random quotes from Lucifer!

Sourced from the OM! Wiki, chats, devilgram, screenshots I found, etc. I made this list to help with studying to write the characters in character. (Not really proofread, sorry if there are mistakes. Also, there may be spoilers. If so, they’re minor spoilers)

✧༺⚜️༻✧

​​“Do you want my attention? Why don't we talk for a little then? I have enough energy for that. As your presence is so very soothing to me.“

​​“Heh, not afraid to get sassy with me anymore, are you?”

​​“Let's celebrate until you cannot stand anymore.“

​​“No need to rush. I won't be able to help you if you fall down in the middle of the street. Rather, I would probably enjoy the sight.”

​​“...Well? How do you like Demonus-flavored kisses?“

​​“I believe it's long been established that if anyone's going to be eating them, it will be me.“

​​“If you want me to keep you from running that mouth of yours, you need only ask.“

​​“Are you poking fun at me right now? I see you like to play with fire. Well, there's a punishment for getting cheeky with me like that. Come here, MC”

​​“I am exceedingly concerned…”

​​“Now Listen, and listen well. I will not be your possession. I won’t belong to you. You will belong to me.”

​​“You seem repentant, so I shall forgive you.”

​​“Are you still tired from last night? After all, I didn’t let you get much sleep.”

​​“I will watch over you. Until the day comes where we must part. And I promise... to love you until the end of your days and beyond.”

​​“You... Release me! Don't you dare try to put me to sleep like I'm not ten million years older than you!”

​​“All of you, out of the way...! I'm going to tear that human limb from limb…!”

​​"Are you trying to please me?"

​​"Do you need a goodnight kiss?"

​​"You are a strange human being."

​​"You want me to praise you for that? Very well… Good iob."

​​"Fine, I'll forgive you just this once."

​​"Do you need something?"

​​“It's as if you're saying that you need me in your life, and that's a wonderful feeling. Is it conceited of me to say that? Well, I am the Avatar of Pride, after all."

​​“Stab it with a fork or something. Anything sharp should do the trick.“

​​"I can't say I mind spending my time with you while Mammon's shrieks echo in the background either. Heh! And Diavolo's laughter is even louder than that."

​​“Well, there are worse demons it could have happened to... Probably.”

​​“Asmo, you stay right there. I'll go get my whip.“

​​“Hush now. Daddy's here to give you a hug.“

​​“NONONONONONO! I'm saying I DON'T want them to see that picture. So, if they ask you for it, I'd like you to tell them that no such photo exists. OK?”

​​“That won't be necessary. I went ahead and blew it up. The entire room.“

​​"If you want to get the better of me, that toy of yours isn't going to cut it. Perhaps try lethal poison from some horrific insect, aged a thousand years for maximum potency."

​​“I know, I know... But why don't we save the killing until after you've eaten your breakfast, hm?“

​​“Mmm, nothing's sweeter than listening to their screams of agony. Heheheh...”

​​“Bring him down to the living room. Use whatever means necessary…though I do want him alive.“

​​”I would never have imagined I would be kissed on the cheek by you. I don't dislike it when you take the initiative. But why on the cheek? You don't need to hesitate with me. Next time, do it on the lips. Understand?”

​​“Hell coffee becomes bitter when you prepare it for someone that you're fond of. It's a special property of the coffee beans. Naturally, I drank every last drop of your feelings.”

​​“Only those that haven't been involved in that dolt's childish antics are the truly happy ones.”

​​“When I get my hands on him, I'll have to be thorough with my discipline.”

​​“Tomorrow I will be handing Diavolo a report detailing how all of the exchange students are faring. I'll be sure to stress how excited you are to continue your education here at our prestigious academy.”

​​“How's the Celestial Realm? Unlike the Devildom, you don't have to worry about anyone grabbing you and eating you for lunch there, do you?”

​​“You've got Solomon with you as well, so you should relax and enjoy your time there.“

​​“If only my brothers were as obedient as you are. It is not every day that you get the chance to have me indebted to you. You can expect a one-hundred times return on the investment of your time, that I promise. In return, I expect that you won't let me down.”

​​“How naive. If you don't want me to have wasted my time by informing you, be sat in your seat at the table within the next sixty seconds. It will be just you and me. Let us enjoy the rare breakfast together before my brothers ruin the atmosphere.”

​​“Don't get cocky, MC.”

​​“One spoke at length about the clothing on the Diavolo sticker. It waxed lyrical about how exquisite the design choices were.”

​​“However, I discovered a slew of insults written in invisible ink on the page.“

​​“How could you tell? You really know me well, MC! Hehehe. I was drinking Demonus with Diavolo earlier. And you know, he kept saying all these nice things about you... Let me tell you, I'm also really happy you're down here with us.”

​​“…Who even came up with the idea that whoever empties their bottle first, wins...? Oh, right. I did... My bad. Ah, my head is spinning. Good night MC. Love you.”

​​“Ugh, you thickheaded fool of a demon! What's your skull made of? Granite?”

​​“That's a curse meant to make you stub your toe on the leg of a table… But if you actually do stub your toe, it hurts quite a bit.”

​​“MC. It has come to my attention that Mammon and Asmo took you out for a drive recently. Well, how was it? Enjoyable? …I'm glad to hear it. We all need breaks from the daily grind from time to time. l'd like you to join me for a drive next time. I'll give you a taste of euphoric freedom that those two could never dream of. Prepare for the time of your life.”

​​“If you'd like, we could take a shower together.”

​​“After all, I haven't managed to seduce you yet. I'm going to need more time.”

​​“The three highest-ranked demons in the realm, frolicking about in a frivolous pajama party? How absurd.”

​​“I didn't hear a word you just said. I know nothing about it, and I'm going to keep it that way.”

​​“I see. Then I should be allowed to take a similar photo of you, no? Come stay over in my room again tonight.”

​​“Don't be stupid. I will not allow myself to be clad in demon garb. I'm going to strip off every last piece of it this very instant and fling it as far away from me as I can.”

​​“You're a demon. I'm surprised someone like you is able to feed me lines like that with a straight face. You've got some nerve.”

​​ “Heheheh. Well, he is my brother, after all, so I thought I'd go easy on him. So, should I make this quick, or go slowly, bit by bit? Your choice.”

​​ “So, tell me. what's with the Little D.? The one looking at me with that moronic expression...”

​​“You think you stand a chance against me?! You think you could defeat Lucifer, Avatar of Pride?“

​​ “Well, aren't you persistent. I suppose you won't be happy until you've pummeled the door senseless?”

​​“...Just what were you hoping to accomplish by knocking me down like this, hm? Because doing something like that to me, right now… is making it much harder for me to control myself...!”

​​“Given that you were the one who pounced first, you can't complain when the tables are turned, can you? …I'm so thirsty, I can hardly think straight. I trust you understand what that means.”

​​ “To show my thanks, I suppose I'm not against giving you some special treatment. You'll have to come closer. I'll give you my lap until you're satisfied. ...You'll keep me company until then, won't you?”

​​"You deserve a thank you."

​​ "Sorry, this isn't exactly my cup of tea. I was hoping you'd know me better."

​​"It appears to me you know what pleases me."

​​"Are you really trying to tickle me? Heheheh, you'll have to do much better than that."

​​"Pff...if you think that tickles, you're wrong."

​​"Well, if you insist on touching me, then be my guest.”

​​"Well, hello. How are things?"

​​"You've got some nerve keeping me waiting. Well now, what are you going to do about it?"

​​"I'm back. Hm? ...Did you miss me?"

​​"*sigh* I've had a long day. But seeing you has a way of making me feel better."

​​"Sorry, I had some business to take care of. Well, well, you certainly seem happy to see me."

​​"Done? Let's continue this in my room."

​​"Good night... We'll meet again in our dreams."

​​ "I feel like we both have a nice day ahead of us."

​​ "I enjoyed our time together. Perhaps we should do this again."

​​“You do know what I'm capable of... don't you?"

​​ "Happy Easter. Will you accept it, my little bunny?"

​​"Once you're officially a sorcerer, I'd like you to become powerful enough to shut up Solomon for me."

“Very well. Here I go. Lucifer Kick!”

“Why should I be subjected to the indignation of a pat on the head from you?”

​​“After all, it's a bit like tossing a helpless lamb into the middle of a pack of hungry wolves, isn't it? But it's also important to understand just who it is you're eating, wouldn't you say?“

​​ “It means that I see you as prey, too. Just like the others. It goes without saying that I'm far stronger than you. If I were to pin you down right here and now, you wouldn't be able to do anything about it, now would you? How about we give it a try...?“

​​“You will soon enough.”

​​ “When a vampire feeds, it's not like his human prey feels only pain. Quite the opposite, actually. They're overcome with a feeling of unimaginable ecstasy. The truth is that you want this as well, don't you? You want to feel my arms around you, to give yourself up to me and offer up your blood... You're special. I won't drink you dry...no. I'm going to kiss you again and again, all over your body. Indulging in you just a bit each and every night. And I do mean every night. No other vampire will ever know the taste of your blood…”

​​“Do you have any idea how hard I had to struggle not to do this earlier...? It was all I could do to resist throwing my arms around you right in front of everyone at the party.”

​​ “MC… I missed you. I can tell just from the way you feel against me. I can sense what you're feeling.I'm sorry, MC. ...Sorry it took me so long to get to you. You should really stay with me tonight. We need to make up for all the time lost.“

​​ “You're drunk, you idiot. Oh well, I'll go along with you just for today. Bottoms up.”

​​“Me? Intoxicated? Preposterous. I'm my usual old self.”

​​“You are also fond of me, no?“

​​ “Then come over here. Are you holding back? Come closer. Prepare yourself. If I win, I get to do with you as I please.”

​​“You know there is no turning back after the first pillow is thrown, right?”

“As a demon, I've never cared when humans bred…”

​​“Stop unnecessarily stressing me out. You're shaving years off my life here.”

​​ “I don't mind. If I am not allowed to nag, then I can simply beat these rules into you.”

​​“Is this how you all amuse yourselves? By sending photos of your exposed body parts?”

​​ “Good grief. I need eyes everywhere to keep track of everyone.”

Extras! (It's hard to pick just 100 y'know?)

1. ​​“Leading unhealthy lifestyles, frittering away your time and money… The extent to which you all squander your lives away is quite intolerable to watch.”

2.​​ “Put two or more of you together, and you start getting ideas in your head. Bad ideas.”

3. “The next time one of you puts so much as a toe out of line… I'lI march you all up your beloved Mt. Imminent Death, and ensure that you NEVER return.”

4. “So as an extra bonus, I'll tickle you...”

5. “How nice that you're not letting our large underground gambling problem spoil your fun...”

✧༺⚜️༻✧

𝑀𝒶𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓁𝒾𝓈𝓉

𝒮𝒽𝓎 𝒲𝓇𝒾𝓉𝑒𝓇 ༝༚༝༚

#pls share this took me all day #obey me #obey me shall we date #omswd #fanfic #dividers #gif #obey me lucifer #obey me lore #obey me canon #fic ref #writing prompt #obey me fanfic #om lucifer #omswd lucifer #self ship #writing wip #obey me smut #smut writing

[dadmareau]

i’m imagining adult dream and baby nightmare having their own shenanigans, it’s significantly less funny though cause dream would just be an emotional wreck

There would be many, many tears.

It feels wrong to call him brother. It's been a long time since he could call Nightmare his brother. But it brings relief. Enormous relief.

(summary of the dream dad au)

Dream would probably be an enormously protective and ruthless parent (end-game), though it would take him a character arc to see past Baby Nightmare as the symbol of what he lost. Although Nightmare is a child, he is still observant enough to understand his presence causes Dream such a great grief that it is palpable in the air when Dream is in the house. This would probably drive Nightmare to fall into further self-loathing and run away, prompting Dream to once again chase after his brother after neglecting him.

Thankfully, Dream would catch him and they could have a nice emotional talk about the past and why Dream "hates" Nightmare. Dream sums it up as the two having a very bad argument that ended so badly they stayed hurt for hundreds of years. Nightmare then asks if he ate the apples on the tree, to which Dream hesitantly says yes.

Eventually, they grow into trusting one another more and bonding better. Dream would not hesitate to act as a guardian to Nightmare and is happy raising him. Dream eventually learns that he can forgive himself because he realizes that he, too, was ultimately a child and just as helpless as Nightmare in the past. Nightmare is observant enough to know Dream is somehow an adult version of his brother, but still views him in a mix of fatherly/brotherly perspective. I think Dream would end up more as Nightmare's crybaby, caring big brother, but it's up to you.

I kind of get the vibe that Dream would be pretty pathetic in the beginning before taking up arms when he realizes Nightmare is still being endangered by the villagers. They probably wouldn't recognize him, since he's got a different temperament (isn't willing to be pushed around by their demands anymore.) They assume he's some kind of new guardian from the tree to replace their old one for the rising demands they're making. Entitled, arrogant, etc.

Dream prefers being more straightforward, so I think he probably betters their situation by just being himself (honest, kind, generous, friendly, caring) and winning over the townsfolk again. But he would absolutely use their goodwill to pamper his younger brother without remorse. He's fundamentally against unnecessary cruelty or violent forms of revenge, but he is absolutely vindictive when it comes to holding the villagers accountable.

Always the goody two shoes, he offers them forgiveness if they repent for being horrible people and change their horrible ways... perhaps by helping him restore his home? And maybe then they'll see that Nightmare is not a monster, but just a little boy...?

#dreamtale au #dream sans #nightmare sans #utmv #utmv au #undertale au #dream dad au #art #baby nightmare #dad dream #writing #big bro dream #dream dad au sticks better imo so we’ll be using that tag if anymore dadswap is made #wait. #DADSWAP #DADSWAP AU #or sonswap #hmmm #vote now on your phones lol #comics #not story #ic #aus

[sabrgirl]

what to do when you've committed a sin

oftentimes when committing a sin, it can be very easy to fall into a state of hopelessness, extreme guilt, shame and anxiety. The Prophet ﷺ said that "regretting (a sin) is repentance" (Sunan Ibn Majah 4252), and this shows that guilt is a good thing - a feeling that comes along with regret that drives you forward to ensure you don't commit the same sin again.

however, letting guilt and shame consume you entirely to the point where you've lost hope in Allah's Mercy and in yourself and end up sitting in a place of despair is not productive. as long as you're alive, you can still make amends and do good deeds in the hope of attaining the Pleasure of Allah سُبْحَٰنَهُۥ وَتَعَٰلَىٰ .

here is a response I've already made to someone asking me how to let go of shame for past sins, but these are things you can do (in general, of course) but after making a mistake/sinning:

salat al-tawbah (the prayer of repentance) immediately this is the nawafil prayer for when one falls into sin and it is usually two raka'ats. pray this immediately after committing a sin with sincere repentance, putting that guilt into this prayer and weep and ask for forgiveness. regarding this prayer, the Prophet ﷺ has said “There is no slave of Allah who commits a sin then purifies himself well and stands and prays two rakahs, then asks Allah for forgiveness, but Allah will forgive him". (Hisn al-Muslim 140). subhanallah.

sadaqah ◦ give money to charity, create a sadaqah box if you do not already have one and put money inside to increase your good deeds over your bad ones. "Know they not that Allah is He who accepts repentance from His servants and takes their charity, and that Allah is He Who is Oft-Returning with compassion, and is Merciful?" (9:104) - Surah Taubah itself. ◦ if it is a repetitive sin, then say to yourself that every time you commit the sin, you have to put a certain fixed amount in. for example, £10 every time you do xyz and you must put it in every time. keep it at a high amount and it will help you in the future to stop, Insha'Allah.

constant dhikr ◦ i cannot even truly express in words the benefits of doing istighfar in a way that will truly sum it up. it washes away the sins of man to the point where his heart will be purified. it is so important to immerse yourself in doing istighfar day and night as it can protect you and Allah is always prepared to hear the cries of taubah from His people. not a single soul can claim that they can absolve themselves of sin on their own, as only Allah's Mercy can release a man of his sins. Prophets were well aware of this fact, so they also continually sought forgiveness of Allah. make it a plan to recite أَسْتَغْفِرُ اللَّهَ وَأَتُوبُ إِلَيْهِ (astagfirullah waatubu alaiyhi, I seek Allah's forgiveness and I turn to Him in repentance) 100 times daily ◦ i also love the app Azkar - it has morning, evening, sleep and waking up dhikr's that you can just recite while reading them on your phone that has the arabic, transliteration and translation. it is so easy for anyone to follow and so helpful in remembering Allah daily - i highly recommend everyone to download this app

make an action plan after committing the particular sin, make an action plan moving forwards of something you're going to do to seek the Pleasure of Allah and His forgiveness. for example, you tell yourself/Him that you will now wake up for tahajjud every morning for the next 2 weeks (and actually do it) and ask Allah to accept this as an apology and to have Mercy on you. that way, you can even build it as a habit and continue after.

nawafil (voluntary) prayers along with the fard prayers start praying voluntary prayers, like: - 4 raka'at's before asr prayer (The Prophet ﷺ said: "May Allah have mercy upon a man who prays four before Al-Asr." (at-Tirmidhi 430) - tahajjud - 2 raka'at's after the 2 raka'ats of sunnah after zuhr - duha prayer (after sunrise and before zuhr time) etc. doing these extra prayers on top of the obligatory 5 daily prayers will give you more blessings and help you weigh more on the righteous side of the scale

reading Qur'an daily with lengthy recitation this has so many blessings. it's a form of dhikr, the remembrance of Allah, and it helps you to gain His pleasure by doing so. make sure to also read it with translation if arabic is not your first language / a language you understand so that you can listen to what Allah سُبْحَٰنَهُۥ وَتَعَٰلَىٰ is saying and reflect and act on it too.

may Allah, Al-Ghafoor Ar-Raheem, forgive us all for our sins, accept our good deeds and have Mercy on us all, Allahumma Ameen.

#islam #muslim #qur'an #islamic #muslims #religion #forgiveness #sabr #righteousness #istighfar #sabrgirl #repentance #tawakkul #trust in allah #zikr #quran #allah #tasbeeh #islampost #islamic reminders #islamdaily #quran or hadiths #hadith #allahﷻ #la ilaha illa allah #prophet #jummah #jummah mubarak #jumu'ah #salah

[dearharriet]

It; Remus Lupin 🦟

summary: remus is the feral swamp animal you fed that keeps coming back (18+)

word count: ~2K

warnings: explicit sexual content—MDNI, fem!r, fingering, oral (both parties), unprotected piv, squirting(ish), religious content (mentions of god, sin, etc.), southern!remus, southern!r, remus is unwashed and unhoused (and also the poorest little meow meow of all time)

authors note: if u couldn’t tell, this is based on it will come back by hozier

Remus said he wanted you breathing, so he never came at night. Never, though you wanted him to, and he left long before dusk. You knew he’d rather not come at all, or rather he never met you, but you didn’t care. What he insisted was sin usually made you feel the best you ever had, and you weren’t repenting.

You thought sin could be beautiful sometimes. Remus certainly was, and he insisted something was wrong with him—in the head, in the body. The way he talked about himself made him sound like a sticky bog mud, sucking unsuspecting people down to be ‘gator food; like any day soon he’d sink his teeth into you and drag you off into the woods.

Still you waited for him. Every day was his last, and every morning he crawled pale-faced onto your back step, a heat wilder than a Louisiana summer in his eyes.

He didn't have to speak, but he’d recant anyways, eating words he’d said only hours before. His big hands would claw at the threshold, like he was undone from being away from you so long, and his deep voice would settle between your thighs.

“Won't you let me in, Sugar? Missed you somethin’ awful last night.”

Lacerations colored his face, some new and some old. You’d have found the fucker that made them if they didn’t give you an excuse to be closer to Remus.

“Don’t know why you leave at all, if you come back lookin’ this way, honey,” you cooed, ushering him inside.

He tended to track mud in, but you didn’t mind. When Remus first came and went, you had a hard time figuring it was real, but an hour on your knees made you believe again.

You sat Remus on the edge of your tub.

“Easier to see you when it’s light,” he replied. “The dark’s the only thing that’ll take you away from me.”

Carting antiseptics and cotton his way, you landed just beside him, dumping the supplies onto the toilet.

“Y’know there’s such thing as a lamp, don’t you baby?” He hung his head, but you pushed it back up, fingers lost in his matted hair. “Let light shine out of darkness, he said.”

“Stop,“ he chided softly, his eyes fluttering shut. You leaned in to kiss his weary cheek, your lips coming away sticky with his copper blood. It was tangy on your tongue when you cleaned it off, earthy. You went back in for seconds.

Remus groaned as you licked a stripe over a gash by his eye. In pain or in pleasure, you weren’t sure, but you thought he liked it either way.

“This won’t end well for ya,” he croaked. Your tongue laved over a shallow cut on his throat, sucked. “I ain’t—ah—ain’t no good.”

His breath came heavy all the time, but it kicked up something awful when you were on him, when he was in you. You were working up to that, shimmying his shirt up to suck all the way down his slender torso.

“W’bout you,” you said into the hair on his navel. “It don’t bother you, endin’ up alone?”

A stunted breath escaped him, barely contained, as you slid to your knees. When your fingers weaseled under his peeling belt, Remus caught your wrists, eyes on yours.

“I’ll always end up alone.” He swallowed. “The question is if I’ll be a killer or not.”

There was that word. Killer. It was like a third party to the light-switch relationship you had with Remus.

“What difference does it make if you are,” you ask.

The leather folded out of the buckle, and he didn’t stop you. His eyes hid away again.

“Get up.”

“Y’already said God won’t forgive you, right?” You pulled him out of his ratty boxers, holding him firmly by the base. “What’s one more sin…?”

“This ain’t about God, sugar.” His hands were still caging your wrists, but they shook with restraint, and tightened when you suckled on the head of his cock.

“What, then?” You prodded, and then took him into your mouth. A whimper scraped out of him, lecherous and disturbed, and you drank it in.

“‘S ‘bout…your smile,” he whined, “on the backs of my eyelids when I go t’—to sleep.”

You hummed around him, pushing him into the back of your throat and swallowing. He struggled to continue.

“‘S about my—ah—my guilt, followin’ me like a ghost.”

Remus was shaking like a leaf, hands leaving your wrists to white-knuckle the tub. You came up for air, staring up as you played with him.

“God’s made a lotta evil things, Remus, but love ain’t one of ‘em.” Leaning back down, you kissed the tip of his cock. “You ain’t one of ‘em.”

As you blew on his slicked length, Remus squirmed and panted.

“It ain’t the love that scares me, it’s—‘s the lust, the—“ His leg spasmed and he doubled over, mouth breathing hot and shaken over your hairline. “When I see you, I wanna—I want—“

You shushed him, reaching a hand over his neck to scratch and rub the space there.

“I know,” you assured him, “I know.”

His head rocked a shake against yours, and he moaned in despair as you let go of his cock. Looking up, you took Remus’ face into your hands and pressed your forehead to his.

“Are ya gonna waste me,” you pressed, nipping at his bottom lip. “Go to hell in vain?”

Remus’ nostrils flared, his tortured brows settling. Then he was lowering himself to the floor and laying you out on the bathroom tile. You knew what he was thinking—there was no time to slither into bed, no need. The sun was Remus’ minister, and it was closer to dying than the minute before.

He crawled over you, prowling and hungry, and didn’t waste a second with your clothing. He always said he wanted you as you came, no dress-up or makeover. He was a creature of priority, and his time felt much better spent sucking between your thighs than staring at them.

His tongue swept in and out of your sopping hole, cleansing you and then ruining you all over again. The stubble on his face was surely leaving burns on the soft inner skin of your legs, but it felt right. Your combined dissolution only made you cry louder, made him press harder to your navel to keep you down.

“Remus,” you whined, closing your thighs over his head. He only groaned and smiled, finally finding some release from his aching hopelessness.

“I’m starvin’, sugar,” he panted into you, pressing his bruised nose into your folds. “Gimme something worth payin’ for.”

You arched and writhed, the tile warming underneath you as you begged Remus not to stop. His thick fingers pushed into you, pressing up into your ribbed walls as he sucked your clit cruelly, and you fell apart. You reached down to hold his head in place, pulling his hair, and Remus moaned into you. The vibrations topped what you thought was already insurmountable pleasure, and your eyes rolled back, mouth hanging open.

When you came to, Remus was still between your legs, relentlessly stuffing your wetness back into you. His tongue was like sandpaper on your clit suddenly, and shocks rolled through your body.

“Uh-uh,” you shook your head, grasping at his hair.

“Uh-huh,” Remus moaned into you, making you moan in return.

“Rem—uh—please,” you wailed, “please, please—fuck me before you have to go.”

Remus laid his forearm over your stomach and sucked harder. A tear slid down the side of your face, overstimulation pushing you to incoherence.

“Remus—Remus, please. B’fore the sun goes down,” you sobbed, desperate.

Remus breathed a laugh.

“Eight AM, baby,” he retorted, his voice like liquid smoke, “we got a little more time than that.”

You braced yourself and accepted your fate, pouring the inescapable buzz out of your eyes, chest heaving. Remus just petted your hip where he held it still and groaned into your cunt when you choked and shook through a second orgasm.

Lax on the floor you laid, legs shaking and core pulsing. Belatedly, your moans registered in your mind, how needy they were. You must’ve been out of your mind to ask for more.

“Rem.” Reaching blindly, you found his hand on your stomach and squeezed.

“I know, precious,” he drawled, and you heard his belt buckle clang against the floor. He snuck over you, kissing damply on your chest and neck.

“Didn't that God ever teach you patience,” Remus whispered into your mouth. You grinned wildly.

“He tried.”

Your laughs morphed into moans as Remus’ cock nestled into your cunt.

“Fuck,” you swore, “‘s big.”

Remus snapped his hips and groaned into your jaw. He set a steady rhythm, engulfed in you. He was breathing in your scent, squeezing the meat of your hips in his hands. It always surprised you how lost he became, almost drunk on the feeling of you wrapped around him.

You were a goner, too, nails scratching down Remus’ back every time his pubic bone grinded onto your swollen clit. It only spurred his thrusts faster, grunts escaping him in tight gusts.

“C’mon,” he rasped, “c’mon, sugar, please.”

He was close, his voice tense and his abdomen tensing over yours. You hiked up a leg and he took it into his own hand, propping it up for you. You were spread wide for him, your cunt suctioning and gushing around him lewdly, and his cock only felt bigger. It might’ve been prodding at your stomach, and when his met yours with every slap of his hips it squeezed at your bladder.

“Oh, God,” you whimpered, head falling back.

Remus knew not to fix something that wasn’t broken. He kept his angle and pace as best he could until your feet curled.

“Want ya, sugar.” He was untethered, whining and consumed. “Can’t letcha go—I can’t.”

Enraptured, you held Remus tight as you shook and twitched against your will, a mess of fluids soaking the hair at the base of his cock. Remus followed immediately, grinding mindlessly into your gripping cunt and howling into your neck.

You stayed glued together as you both panted, his cock softening in you. Neither of you liked to escape the feeling sooner than you had to, so you basked on the bathroom floor for a long while before washing up.

Remus always stayed for lunch, and you always cleaned him up, and you always let him shower and sleep as he wished. Your bed was an obvious option, but he wouldn’t lay in it; wouldn’t even look at it, most days. He took the couch, if anything, and he wouldn’t hear your admonishments about back pain.

When the frogs started croaking, it was time for him to leave.

“M’sorry to come back like this,” he said, like he’d never done so before. “Won’t happen again.”

“I’m sure,” you sang with a glint in your eyes.

“I mean it, baby. Y’gotta stop bein’ so kind to me.” He pressed you against the wall by your door, stony-faced. “If I drag my sorry ass back here tomorrow, promise you won’t let me in.”

You kissed him softly in response. “I promise.”

Breathing labored, he pushed away.

“Good.” Remus stepped outside. “Now you lock this door when I’m gone, y’hear me?”

“Yes, sir.”

Sighing, Remus turned and crept back to the bayou, and—like every night—you waited for the coyotes to sing you to sleep.

+

thank you for reading <3

masterlist

#remus lupin #marauders #marauders era #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin x you #remus lupin x y/n #remus lupin imagine #remus lupin drabble #remus lupin one shot #remus lupin fanfiction #remus lupin fanfic #marauders fandom #marauders fanfiction #poor little meow meow

[tamamita]

is the concept of sin and repentance in islam similar to christianity?

Haven't answered an Islamic question in awhile, so here goes.

Not at all, because sin does not necessitate the immediate punishment of the wrongdoer, nor are you immediately condemned to Hell if you don't repent. Humans aren't capable of achieving perfection, it's impossible. While repentance is seen as a form of worship; it does not necessarily mean you've consciously committed a sin, but rather, that you desire to be as pure as possible to achieve as much closeness to God as possible. Second, sins are an act, but not a state of being, so the idea of an original sin does not exist.

One important aspect of Islamic Hamartiology is the concept of Takfir (=expiation of sins), which is the idea that sins aren't permanent and can be expiated in many ways, whether it's through charity, being in a state of illness, sleeping, witholding from committing a sin, giving your friend food, and etc. In fact, it can happen even when you do nothing. Imam Ali (a) said it himself that he fails to understand how a person can achieve Hell when God's Mercy is at a constant. Whether consciously or unconsciously, God forgives our shortcomings. In fact, to despair of God's mercy is in itself a sin. Sinning is in our nature, this is why there is an expiation of sins. But we become too concerned with sins and good deeds that we become to overwhelmed & preoccupied over our shortcomings. If you are too concerned about your sins, then I'm worried that you grew up in a household where you were abused and conditioned into thinking this way.

Imam Ali (a) said: Verily, people come in three types: those who worship God because they seek His reward, that is the worship of a businessman; those who worship God because they fear His punishment, that is the worship of a slave; those who worship God, because they find Him worthy of worship, that is the worship of someone who is free.

Do not fret about your shortcomings, we all fail to do things the right way sometimes, but keep going as you are, as long as you do not harm another human being, everything is between you and God.

[boyfridged]

i got comments and dms asking to explain certain parts of paint it over, which is a good excuse for me to provide you with directory notes. i understand the fanfic could be difficult to follow since i put a lot of meaning of this work into the minutiae (and it is a part of a slightly more expansive au). however, i also want to add that of course all readers are entitled to their own interpretation, so i encourage to skip this if you prefer it. but if someone is curious – a lengthy explanation can be found under the cut.

firstly, this fanfic touches upon a question that is often brought up in discussions of utrh: why did bruce leave jason to die in the end? this is something that is difficult to explain and seems completely unreasonable, especially if we don’t take into account the weirdness around the infinite crisis that takes place at the same time (the final panels in which it seems that the time wraps itself etc.) and so i asked: what if bruce acted more in character and looked for jason instead of abandoning him after the explosion? and- would that be a comfort or would it derail into something even worse?

and so the main thing that is happening with bruce in this fanfic is his attempts at fixing his reprehensible and impulsive decision of throwing the batarang (and partially even his failure in protecting jay as a child). bruce is authentically trying to repent and be a good father to jason. except the worst has happened and it cannot un-happen, and all of his actions; even the genuine acts of care, are tinged with the horror of it.

moreover, the tragedy of utrh and jason’s death itself is the loss of many years in which jason would grow up and emotionally mature in expectations and understanding of his father. trying to fix that stunted relationship puts them in a dream-like space of missed childhood and makes bruce revert to his past habits. the breakfast scene for example is an image based on post-patrol breakfasts in the silver age and early 80s, in which bruce often worn colourful robes and read a newspaper/sometimes even engaged in some puzzles like crosswords etc. post-crisis and post jason’s death especially, this habit seems to disappear from the comics for the most part. but here they settle back into it, which perhaps would be sweet in any other circumstances.

most importantly, when it comes to jason: the reason for which he is so passive almost all the time is twofold: first of all, he is just very depressed (as bruce says, he did not have any plans for the after of the grand finale of his red hood stunt with the joker. it was pretty much a suicidal mission and what happened was something he had no ways of predicting) and second of all, he does love bruce and wants to forgive him, believing it was an accident (this is mostly inspired by canon post-utrh, for example, countdown, wherein jason is eager to meet bruce and seems to have completely forgiven him the batarang. but it’s also inspired by utrh itself and his messy narrative in which he goes from blaming bruce for leaving him to saying he did not care about bruce not saving him, which suggests he really wants to absolve bruce of as much fault as possible).

however, there is still some internal struggle which i had in mind i wrote the ending of the breakfast scene; jason touching the bandage on his neck there is both a threat and a bit of an accusation. it is also something i wanted to emphasise because in a suggestion of the self-harm and refusal to get professional medical help, jason re-victimises himself too. despite in theory having what he wanted back: his dad, he still feels the wrongness of the situation and wants to keep the evidence of it. ironically, it only further challenges his autonomy, causing him to stay on soft/liquid diet and the neck trauma/mechanical damage leading to partial muteness.

this is his choice. it’s also tied to the detail of jason handing dick keys in the last scene. jason could leave anytime. he is free to do as he wants, something that bruce also indicates in the breakfast scene. i guess the question is how probable it is that he could act reasonably with all the baggage and trauma.

and finally, dick’s pov— dick arrives in gotham weeks after the events of utrh. he does not know of what (for example) the first week was like, something that bruce briefly mentions (the scene in the cave). in the wider context of the au, which is not explicitly mentioned here, the first week is the time when jason keeps aggravating his wound on purpose, especially when bruce says something he does not like (this is slightly hinted at in the breakfast scene too; bruce's quick reaction to jason's fingers lingering at the bandage). so dick also takes jason’s injury to be more serious because it’s not healed yet; but it’s because he is missing a piece of information. dick is also just understandably disturbed by the level of codependency that bruce & jason fell into. he thinks jason should get back on his own feet. this is of course something that becomes even more imperative when he learns the truth. so when dick talks of bringing jason to safety, it has more to do with the general environment and settling with him somewhere where he won’t be perpetually stuck in the place that serves as a reminder of what he has suffered. plus- less obviously, he also says that to calm jason down because ironically the idea of a tangible threat explains his decision better in the moment than telling his brother he cannot be staying at home with someone who slit his throat, intentionally or not.

i hope this clears things up a bit. this is of course not the one true reading and there can be plenty of more interpretations that i would love to hear about! i purposefully leave things unsaid to allow for this freedom. there are also things i have never properly mentioned, like alfred’s position in that all, but that’s a whole another topic that has to do with what happens in this universe after this fanfic. thank you so much for reading and your patience. i hope this was somewhat of an interesting read too.

#yutro writes

[fictionadventurer]

I have been curious about Elizabeth Goudge for quite a time now (thanks to you), but of course I don't have easy access to her works, so I was wondering if you could write some sort of orientation of how to navigate her stories, which are to be preferred first, etc? Mostly interested in her non-children-oriented books (nothing against the thing per se, I just have a harder time with it).

I don't have easy access to her work either, so I've mostly just read from among the handful of books that happen to be on hoopla.

Of the ones I've read, The Dean's Watch and The Rosemary Tree are by far my favorites. Life-changing literature for me.

The Dean's Watch is set in a Victorian cathedral town, and is about a developing friendship between the dean of a cathedral and a master clockmaker, and how it transforms various relationships. I can't get any more specific than that, but it's a very, very Advent book.

The Rosemary Tree centers around a newly-released prisoner coming to an English country town, getting work as a gardener, and getting entangled in the lives of the local priest's family and some schoolteachers. It's very much a springtime book, all about growth, repentance, forgiveness, renewal, and second chances.

Green Dolphin Street is perhaps her best known book (of her adult work), about a man who meets two sisters and later accidentally marries the wrong one. I've only read part of it so far, and did like what I read. Note that the people who have finished it call it a masterpiece and also emotionally devastating.

The Elliot trilogy is also fairly well-known saga about a family in a country town. I've read the second and third books. The second is titled either The Herb of Grace or Pilgrim's Inn depending on if you're in America or Britain, and it's about a young family buying and restoring a house that was one a medieval inn. It is absolutely peak cottagecore. The Heart of the Family follows the family post-WWII as a concentration camp survivor comes there to find healing, and the main couple heals their marriage. I liked the former book more than the latter, but they're both excellent examples of Goudge style, if not as transcendant as some of the others.

The only other book of hers I've read so far is The Scent of Water, and to be honest, I remember nothing about it. It's very much in her style of nature + family + poetic writing + spiritual revelations, but I can't for the life of me tell you what the plot was.

That's about all the guidance I can offer you on her works. There are a lot of people who are a lot more widely read in her works than I am (@teabooksandsweets is the local expert, who doesn't seem to be around lately, but maybe checking her blog could be a better starting point.)

#answered asks #elizabeth goudge #thatscarletflycatcher #pilgrim's inn #the heart of the family #the dean's watch #the rosemary tree #sorry if this isn't what you were looking for #but unfortunately 'reviews of what i've read' are all i can offer

[strbymacaroon]

❀ Confession ❀

❀ Priest Jean Kirstein x Nun Fem. Reader. ❀

❀ Sypnosis:

Sunday.

The day we dedicate to God, for he is our lord and savior. You, a dedicated Nun who wishes nothing more than to serve your savior. But, is starting to sin more often then normal.

With a certain desire for your priest…

Father Jean.

❀ Genre:

Attack on Titan, Priest Jean.

❀ Content Warning:

Absolutely filthy. Dark content! Slight voyeurism, degradation, cream-pie, unprotected sex, overstimulation, praise, filthy smut, slight oral sex, penetrative sex, dacrayphilla, etc.

❀ Word Count:

16 k words.

⊹ † ༻✦༺ † ༻✧༺ † ༻✦༺ † ⊹ 

Sunday morning. 

The light wind blew the melody of sweet songs, light dancing around in soft fragments, the stained glass catching it, and displaying the colors on the marble floor. Painting pictures of which only children’s wild imagination could understand. 

Clean, white, pure, just like the women and men inside the sacred building. If not, they are here for just that, cleansing, white, and purity. Forgiveness for the sins they have committed. Forgiveness for the sins they have yet to commit. For the people are God’s loyal servants, and wish to follow him into paradise once they fall into their eternal rest. 

A beautiful hundred foot ceiling above their heads, painted in the most rich of colors and pictures. Demonstrating the beauty and depth of what Christ has done for his people. Wooden seats decorating the floor, allowing God’s people a place to sit when Father preached the Holy Spirit. 

A stage decorated with soft pastel flowers, a white fabric draped over the stand of where Father preaches each morning of Sunday. Some bread and wine next to him when he did so. Velvet clothes decorating each table and floor. Crosses with the son of God resting above the stand. 

Jesus died for our sins. 

And, today was a simple day. Just confessions. People repenting the sins they had committed since their last confession. However, there was something different about today, and the next few weeks. Father was being observed by the Nuns of the church. Along with their novitiates. Sisters in training. Most were young, eighteen to nineteen, the oldest being twenty-four. They were always a delight to have over, along with polite. Father never minded their company. 

Quiet as a mouse and beautiful as a dove. Along with their dedication to their religion. Father loved the company of each one. Each of them huddled around each other, watching with eager eyes. Wanting to observe the process of forgiveness. 

Father approached the next person, placing his hands together, and holding them around the cross by his neck. Smiling kindly, his dimples molding into his cheeks, “For you, my child, are you ready?” His tone was soft, comforting, and warm. Just like a blanket fresh out of the Laundry. Opening an inviting, willing to forgive and bless. It is what everyone loved about the Priest. 

“Yes.” It was breathy, almost nervous. Fingers pressed against the soft white fabric of her dress, trembling slightly. Father was used to that. She thickly swallowed, “Anything for my God and Savior.” He smiled kindly, nodding his head. Bringing their foreheads close, two slender fingers pressed together. Dark brown eyes peering into the girl's light blue ones, drinking up every emotion shooting through her body. 

Nervousness, uncertainty, anxiousness, excitement, and eagerness. The eyes always reveal so much about the person, that’s why Father preferred to look into them. He always knew what type of person he was talking to just by looking into their eyes. 

She looked up, watching as Father bent his knees to reach her height. He was so much taller than her, so much bigger. It was intimidating. The novitiates watch closely. Leaning closer in hope of catching Father’s voice again. Kind yet deep, intimidating but interesting. All the women were practically leaning out of their seats. This priest in particular always causes this reaction with the novitiates, considering how young he was. A mere twenty-six years old. 

His fingers gently pressed against her upper chest, “In the name of the Father,” her left than right shoulder, “and of the Son of the Holy Spirit, Amen.” He backed up, watching the women. And, the novitiates watched as the woman bent her head down, hands pressed together against her lap. Closing her eyes and staying still. 

It was a way of separating the sinner to the saint. The blesser to the blessed. Father always was more than willing to help the sinners relish their sins. It was something he loved about his life, it made him feel closer to God. 

It was his heaven. This was his heaven. 

A brief pause, then, “Bless me Father Jean, for I have sinned.” 

⊹ † ༻✦༺ † ༻✧༺ † ༻✦༺ † ⊹ 

It was seven-thirty am. Your bed is freshly made, decorated with white silk sheets, along with soft pillows. An extra light pink blanket hanging off the edge of your bed frame, something you brought from home. 

Painted glass decorated your window, making it hard to see the beauty of the outside. However, you didn’t mind. The sun always reflected the light of the glass panels perfectly, making your room colorful. Maybe that’s why you were in charge of the children. Your room was big and simple, nothing but the necessities. Along with that, your bathroom was able to be locked and unlocked. Which made it the ideal children’s drop off zone. 

It was the children’s drop off zone. And, you were the caretaker. 

Currently, you are sitting in your vanity. Sister Mary standing behind you, trying to place your hair into your veil. A task you had trouble doing on your own. 

You straightened your back, eyes dancing over the cross on your neck.You mind was bouncing back to the sight from last week. Father Jean and the women asking for forgiveness. The isolation that ensued the moment the two started speaking. It felt like you shouldn’t have been watching. It looked so.. intimate. 

Something you didn’t know much about, due to your devotion to God. 

You parted your lips, “It looks so intimate Sister Mary,” you whispered, placing your hands on the vanity in front of you. Slowly moving it in circles, the mirror ahead of you following you every movement. “The Priest, and the people.” You mumbled, replaying the scene in your head like a movie. You couldn’t stop thinking about it. You crossed a leg over the other, “Is that what marriage looks like? Is that what it’s like?” Father Jean was always fresh in your mind. Of course, it was because he kept you close to God. Nothing else. 

She collected your hair together, trying to find a way to style it. Always treat your hair, then place it into the hairstyle. “Marriage is something we shouldn’t be thinking of Sister, for we are already wed to the Lord our God.” She hummed comfortingly, “And, it looks as if you’re in need of a haircut, Sister.” Her hands dropped your long silk strands, reaching for scissors on the vanity. Something you used when making crafts for the children.

You wanted to grab your hair from her hands, hold it tight and close. But, you grabbed the vanity instead. Keeping your hair short was practical, useful, and your sign of devotion. It showed you no longer wanted to follow the temptations of the world. Attraction. Cutting your hair was a way of showing you were refusing all the pleasures and temptations of the “outside world”.

And, wanting to keep it was a sin. 

You were sinning. 

You closed your eyes, not looking at the amount of hair Sister Mary was holding. It had to be to your shoulders, you didn’t want to think about it. It had been so long since you last cut it, and you were rather proud of the length you acquired. The care and nurturing you put into your hair, along with, you really enjoyed the way your hair looked on you. Of course, no one saw it, but it was a pleasure of your own. A secret sin of your own. 

“In the name of the Father, and the Son of the Holy Spirit..” Please forgive my secret sin, my one pleasure, but allow me this one thing. Allow me to enjoy my one pleasure, and I will do you with good in ten fold. “..Amen.” Your eyes fluttered open, watching as Sister Mary lifted her scissors, your hair held by her other hand. 

A knock at the door, followed by, “Sister Mary, I do apologize for the poor timing,” a deep and kind voice, warming– like a blanket fresh out of laundry, “but, I’m afraid I need you for something.” The door remained shut, your eyes peering at it. You wished for it to open. 

“Oh, of course Father, allow me.” She stood up from the seat behind you, placing the scissors down. Your eyes following the silver weapon. “I apologize, Sister. But, it seems that God has a different day planned for your length change.” She gave you a silly, comforting, smile, “Goodbye, Sister.” 

You gave her one in return, bowing your head. “To you as well.” Thank you Spirit, for sending one of your Angels. “Thank you, Sister Mary.” She gave you a brief nod before walking to the door. Cracking it open and speaking with Father Jean, giving him a kind bow. You couldn’t help yourself, but you leaned forward. Trying to catch a glimpse of the young saint. You didn’t know why you wanted to see him, but you did. And, you were eager to at that. 

Unfortunately, that was all you got. A mere glimpse of the man, his clothing. Black everything, his pants, shirt, and shoes. His collar was decorated in a brief white, along with a rosary resting on his chest. You wondered if he wore gold rings. Priests often wore gold rings. It was something you noticed from your two years of observing your religion. Something required to be a Nun. 

Father Jean was known to be the nicest man alive. A true saint with a golden heart. A man who does good purely to do good, with expecting nothing in return. A true ideal priest, someone you looked up to. Admired even. Even if you two haven’t spoken often. 

Your door shut behind Sister Mary, leaving you in the small room supported by the Church. “I thought she’d never leave.” You turned around, looking at your friend. Watching as she finally emerged from your closet. Since, she was hiding from Sister Mary. Visiting time wasn’t permitted at this moment. 

Her name was Sasha, a pretty girl she was. She had joined this path with you about a year ago, and since, you two have been inseparable. Well, that’s how it was with everyone of your Sisters. A total of five, including yourself. 

“I thought I was going to lose my hair, Sister.” You muttered, grabbing onto it instinctively. You didn’t want to lose that. “I believe, Sister Mary is too strict about trivial things.” I mean, it was 2022, not 1900. Couldn’t you have one pleasure as a Nun? Everything else about you was dedicated to the Lord. Quite literally. 

Your friend sat on your bed, brown hair decorating her shoulders. A small pout on her rose lips, “I like my hair short, so I don’t completely mind the haircuts.” She answered, “Besides, it’s more manageable.” Her hand went to her hair, grabbing a few strands of her bangs. Toying with the silky strands. 

“I know, but it think—“ you turned to the mirror, “I think it looks pretty like this.” You liked your hair, it was unique to yourself. Curly, twisted, long, thick, thin, straight, whatever you hair was, it was a perfect representation of you. That’s why you didn’t want to cut it. “I know, I shouldn’t, but I do.” You whispered. 

Sasha sighed, “How about this, tonight you and I go out to the garden.” She stood up from the bed, walking to you. Taking your hands into hers, “And, we enjoy the pool with the flowers that surround it. It’s said to be the most beautiful place in the church.” She gave you a soft smile, squeezing your hands. 

You blinked a few times, swallowing the saliva that built in your mouth. “Uhm— I,” you pressed your lips together, feeling them move without thought. Swimming in a pool sounds like... You eyes dipped to her chest, catching sight of her cross, you ended up shaking your head. “No, it’s okay, I’m fine. Besides, we’re not allowed to be seen outside of our assigned clothing. That would be a sin.” You disliked saying that word, you disliked it so much.

Because, so many things were considered a sin. 

Sasha nodded, letting go of your hands, “Of course, I forgot about that.” Her tone wasn’t as cheerful as it once was, just more monotone and disappointed. Her hands went to her side, “Let’s get dressed, once I finish I Promise to do your hair.” She said, forcing a smile in your direction. 

You couldn’t help, but give her a sad smile. The two of you didn’t choose to become Nuns, your families forced it upon you. Which, of course, made commiting to Christ more difficult than it normally was for Nuns in training. 

The two of you were young, a mere twenty, and you wished to experience youth like anyone else. Rather than being restricted by the word of God. Giving your body to Christ. Which meant, you were his bride. As a child, you didn’t think that your husband would be the very thing your family worshiped. And, what you repented. 

“How about we go and greet everyone who enters the church today?” You suggest, pressing the palms of your hands to your habit, making sure the silk wasn’t wrinkled. “That sounds like a joy.” You added a smile. 

“I want to swim.” Sasha said, pulling back and holding herself. “I don’t get why I can’t do that.” She mumbled, closing her eyes and sighing. “I just want to have some fun.” You reached a hand for her shoulder, watching her collect herself. Then, “In the name of the Father, and the Son of the Holy Spirit..” Silence. “..Amen.” 

You knew exactly what she was doing. Because, the both of you were conditioned to do it. 

Sasha fluttered her eyes open, slowly bringing her brown beautiful eyes to you. “Okay, let me go get ready.” Sasha pulled herself back, placing a foot behind another. Walking towards your door, while you turned your back to her, diligently watching her move through your vanity. And, she stood at your door. Hand on the handle, froze in her spot. 

You could feel your eyebrows mush, What was she doing? Was she okay? Was something wrong? You twisted your body around, your shoes clicking against the marble flooring as you made your way to her. Pupils moving up and down her frame. You couldn’t stop the word from slipping from your mouth, “Sasha?..” 

“Sister,” her voice made you flinch, stopping you in your tracks. “I’m going to ask Father Jean for forgiveness next week,” she mumbled. Turning her head over her shoulder. “Because, tomorrow tonight at twelve, I will commit a sin of my own pleasure.“ You disliked the fact that something so trivial as swimming, caused such a massive problem within your community. The two of you just wanted to swim. But, you couldn’t.. “And, I think you should join me.” Her words pierced your chest. 

And with that, she left. 

⊹ † ༻✦༺ † ༻✧༺ † ༻✦༺ † ⊹ 

Sunday 8:05 am…

The sound of birds was always the highlight of the morning for you. You loved watching them fly high in the sky. Oh—how you wished to fly free just like them. You always liked to imagine what type of bird you would be. Maybe a crow, you loved the sleek look of them. 

You smiled kindly at those who entered the church, hands pressed against your thighs everytime you bowed. Many of the people who visited this Church were either tourists or regulars. Considering how old and beautiful the building was, people always enjoyed the stunning scenery. From whichever belief they held. 

“Y/n!” You jolted at someone hugging your legs. Looking down at the small body. You couldn’t help but smile when he looked up at you. “It’s been forever since I last saw you!” He shouted. 

You giggled, pressing a finger to your lip. “Hush, love. Not so loud.” You sweetly said, not wanting to bring too much attention to yourself. You placed your hand on his head, pushing some short strands of hair from his face. “But, I’m so happy to see you!” You caressed his face comfortingly. 

His eyes blinked a few times, before a smile exploded from her face. “Me too! Me too!” He whisper–shouted, shoved his face in your habit, mumbling– “The house has been so lonely without you, Y/n.”

“That’s Sister, Luke.” Your father corrected, your mother not too far behind. You could feel your body just crumple, and tense together, almost like it was regressing. You absolutely disliked this part of the day. This was your least favorite part.

Luke looked back at you, a small pain in his eyes. “Oh yeah..” he mumbled, “Sorry, Sister.” His hands went behind his back, his head looking at the ground. 

You could feel your heart break. Before softly nodding, “No, it’s okay.” You reassured, placing your hand in his hair again and rubbing it. “Sometimes even I–” you sighed, your voice wavering for a moment, “Sometimes.. Even I forget.” You placed your hand behind his back, “Besides, you have all your other brothers and sisters!” He just merely nodded.

Your eyes shot to your parents, standing behind Luke. You smiled, before giving them a subtle bow. “Mom, Dad.” You said, “It’s a pleasure.” You stayed there for a moment, not wanting to come back up. It felt like you didn’t have the energy too. 

Your Mother hummed thoughtfully, “It’s good to see you too, Honey. It’s always so good to see how much you’ve grown.” Your Mother cupped your cheek and lifted your face. “We knew this profession was the one for you.” Her thumb rubbing your cheek was supposed to be comforting, it wasn’t. “See, and you didn’t want to do this at first.” 

You pressed your lips together, feeling them wiggle, before giving her a kind smile. “Of course, you two know me too well.” You looked between your Mother and Father. “I’m actually the caretaker for the children.” You added, hands fiddling with one another. 

Your Mother let out a small noise of excitement, “That’s wonderful, Sister. We always knew you were amazing with children.” Her hands went to yours, squeezing them. “You were always so good with your siblings.” Your Mother and Father were always working, so, being the oldest. You were the ones who took care of the children when they were gone. 

You nodded, “I love children.” 

Your Father nodded, while your Mother smiled. “We know, Honey. We know everything about you.” She patted your back, “Why else would we make you do this?” You gave another smile, keeping your body forward as they walked into the church. 

“Oh! And, Honey!” Your Mother called over her shoulder. You turned to them, “We’re dropping Luke off at the daycare, so you can spend some time with him!” She blew you a kiss, “Love you, Sister.” She turned on her heel, grabbing Luke by the hand and separating from your Father. Off to find your room. The daycare.

You shakily breathed out, not realizing you were holding your breath. Clasping your hands together and holding them near your face. Trying to recollect yourself. Closing your eyes and keeping them shut, tight. 

“Are you alright?” 

You fluttered your eyes open, keeping your gaze to the ground. “Huh?” You blinked a few times, “Yes, I’m–” You nodded to yourself, “I’m alright, just a bit.. tired.” Your voice was soft, strained almost. You let go of your hands, pressing them to your sides. 

The person laughed, “That’s good, we wouldn’t want a sad soul at Church.” Their voices cut into your head. Almost like a dizzying spell. So inviting and warm, almost like a scorching hug from an angel. 

Please don’t be.. “Father Jean!” Someone shouted, making the tall pastor turn his head. 

You gasped, turning your head to him. Instantly, your eyes met his side profile. A strong jaw, long lashes, pink soft lips, clear tan skin, and a nose built to perfection. His hair was soft, yet slicked back into a hairstyle he frequented. Dark blonde. What a pretty color. 

Father Jean’s face turned back, meeting your wide-eyed one. Jean’s face is in full display to your wavering eyes. And, that's where they went, to his eyes. A light brown reflecting perfectly in the light, displaying his soul to you. Such a pretty color. Such a pretty face. 

Wow. He’s so pretty. 

Your mouth parted, and his eyes went to your lips. Suddenly, you could feel your heartbeat speed up and flutter, your mouth was so dry. You felt nervous, really nervous. “F–Father Jean, I–” You thickly swallowed, “I apologize, I shouldn’t have–” 

“There’s nothing to apologize for, Sister. You haven’t done anything wrong.” He reassured, his eyes bouncing up and meeting yours. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” And, he smiled. He smiled. Your heart melted, your mind crashing. His smile was perfect. Dimples denting into his honey–like skin. So, kind and welcoming. It felt like you were home. 

“Yes, I’m– I’m okay.” You replied, giving him a forced smile, it was more of an awkward one. “But, aren’t you supposed to be getting ready?” You placed your hands behind your back, looking at the people entering the sacred building. “I mean, isn’t the sermon starting soon?” Your eyes were filled with worry. 

Jean laughed, shaking his head. “I’m afraid you're correct, but I’m not the one speaking today. Father Eren is.” He clarified, a big hand coming to his hair. Slicking back the fly aways, “I’m just just saying hello to everyone entering the Church.” You could hear the disappointment in his voice, even if it was subtle. 

You fluttered your lashes, biting the corner of your lip. “Do you want to–” 

“Yes, more than anything.” He quickly spoke, a smile appearing on his face again. “I love it, it’s one of my favorite parts about being a priest.” He sighed, placing his hands into his pockets. Looking at the sky for a moment, his neck is on full display to you. “But, I’m just going to be doing the body of Christ for today.” His smile wavered for a moment. 

“You sound disappointed, Father.” You noted, watching as he leaned his back against the building’s wall. “Is that something you don’t enjoy doing?” You took a step closer in his direction, tilting your head to the side. 

Jean echoed your moments, lowering his voice. “Don’t tell anyone, but it’s not my favorite.” He mumbled, slightly embarrassed by his confession. “I don’t know, I just don’t necessarily enjoy placing food in people’s mouths.” He visibly cringed, his nose scrunching in distaste. 

You giggled, a hand coming over your mouth. Jean smiled at your reaction, “Well, what’s your favorite thing to do then?” You curiously asked, toying with the cross around your neck. 

He blinked a few times, a chill going up his spine. He disliked when that happened. “Uhm,” He shook his head, “I actually really enjoy confessions.” He said, “It’s something that just makes me feel closer to God.” You watched as he smiled, again. He was such a bubbly and bright person. 

You were jealous. 

But, you could help but feel a part of your body regress at that. Jean was a priest, of course he was going to be extremely religious. He wasn’t like you.. Someone forced into this lifestyle. You subtly sighed, grabbing onto your arm. Not everyone here was like you, it was something you kept forgetting. 

Jean leaned his head back, looking to the side. Whispering, “Something I’ve been really needing this past week.” It sounded like he was talking to himself, rather than to you. And, it sounded like he didn’t want you to hear it. 

“Really?” You gasped, speaking before thinking. He gave you a look, making your face burn with embarrassment. “I mean! You’re just– you’re you! So, I would think..” You stopped talking, feeling your head screaming at you to stop. Pressing your lips together you turned away. 

He chuckled, silently reassuring you. “No, no, I get it.” He reassured, placing a hand on your shoulder. His thumb rubbing in circles, “Being who I am and all.” He could feel you shiver under his touch, and he froze. Before, he shook his head and pulled away, smiling at you kindly. “But, sometimes I have my moments where one or two unholy words slip.” 

You giggled, your hand meeting your shoulder. Already missing the contact between you two. “I guess that's true, Father.” Your mind rushed to this morning with Sasha, her words soaring through your head. “And, I think you should join me.” You thickly swallowed, wondering if you should take her up on her offer. 

“Well, Sister, I think I have to go.” Jean said, “Soon enough, Father Eren is going to start his–” He paused, not wanting to finish the sentence. “Anyways, he always gets bothered if I don’t attend.” His hand went to his hair, pulling back the fly aways. He gave you a final smile, “Until, we meet again, Sister.” 

You watched as he turned away. Entering the Church, just like all the other people. And, you couldn’t help, but feel empty. His company is an enjoyable and new thing to you, something you wanted to last a bit longer. Just a little bit longer. 

“Father Jean!” 

You gasped at your mouth, placing your hand over it. I really need to think before I speak. Jean looked over his shoulder, peering at you. Giving you another kind and acknowledging smile. He was waiting for you to speak. 

And, you didn’t know what to say. You felt your body freeze, “Next week– next Sunday,” you corrected, “I wish to confess, much like yourself, it’s something I’ve been needing this past week.” 

You couldn’t see it, but a shiver went down Jean's spine. And, the cause of it?... Jean thickly swallowed, keeping his face the same. “Of course, I’d be more than glad to be the one to guide you.” And with that, he turned his back to you and walked away. 

⊹ † ༻✦༺ † ༻✧༺ † ༻✦༺ † ⊹ 

“Luke, you can’t just!–” you pressed your lips together, taking in a deep inhale. “You can’t just leave the room without telling me, or Sister Mikasa.” You gestured your hand to the other Nun in the room. Her head turning to you briefly, and giving your brother a small smile. Before, returning to what she was doing. 

“I know, but–” He tried arguing. 

“No buts!” You added, placing your hand on his back and gilding him back into the room. Shutting the door behind you, “We have a restroom, food, coloring, and books. So, there’s no reason to leave, Luke.” You scolded, quickly observing him. Seeing how both his hands were behind his back, holding something. “And, what do you have?” Did he steal something?

Instant his hands were lifted up to your face, showing you a sheer pink scarf. He looked at the ground, “While walking here with mom, I dropped it, then went to go find it.” His fingers wrapped around the thin fabric, toying with the material. 

Your lips parted, guilt plaguing up your spine. “Oh, uh–” you shook your head, “You still should’ve told me, we could’ve looked for it together.” You cupped his cheek, bending down and kissing his forehead. “I just don’t want you getting hurt.” 

Luke nodded, “Okay, I’m sorry,” he mumbled. 

You giggled, grabbing the fabric from his fingers. Whispering, “But thank you, Luke.” You ruffled his hair, watching as his face lit up. Running into you and wrapping his arms around your legs. You laughed, nodding your head. You quickly stuffed the scarf into your habit, you find a place to put it later. 

It was something your grandmother gave you before her passing. Unfortunately, due to it being a pleasure, you weren’t allowed to bring it to the church with you. Which broke your heart to say the least. It was the only thing you had left of her. You refused to loose it. 

“Sister?” Mikasa called, glancing at your clock. “It’s about an hour to the body of Christ, should we start cleaning up?” She told you, holding one of the younger kids in her arms. Cradling her as she started to fall asleep. “Or, should we start taking the kids to the main room?” 

Mikasa was a woman a bit older than you, twenty. She was the embodiment of Sister Mary. Tall, kind, strict, yet relaxed. Her skin was soft and clear, like snow freshly laid. Lips pink and shiny, her cheeks lightly tinted red. Mikasa was someone you strived to be like, the ideal Nun. Graceful and beautiful, like a dove. 

Not a crow. 

You shook your head, “Parent’s sometimes pick their children up during the small break. We’ll start taking them in twenty minutes before the body of christ.” You stuffed the scarf into your habit. “But, starting to clean up, doesn't sound like a bad idea, Sister.” 

Mikasa nodded, placing the child down. Wrapping her with a soft blanket you laid out specifically for the children. “Okay children, how about we start cleaning up the play area.” She announced, smiling sweetly at everyone. The children groaned, which made you giggle. 

Mikasa walked into the play area connected to your room, flashing you a smile. “I’ll take care of the playroom cleaning, you want to take care of your room?” 

You nodded, “That works with me.” Mikasa nodded and walked into the playroom with all the children, Luke staying by your side. You sighed, looking down at him. “Want to help me clean?” 

Luke just nodded, picking up some of the drawings that were left on the floor. Your ears perked to the sound of knocking, immediately drawing your attention to your wooden door. Was a parent here to pick up their child already? 

You reached for the door, pulling it open. “Hello, and who would be your child..” 

Father Jean tilted his head to the side, a kind smile on his lips. “Don’t have any kids.” He looked to the side for a moment, before laughing to himself. “Yet.” 

You could feel your lips part for a second, before shaking your head. “Uhm, then– if you don’t mind me asking.. What do you need?” You placed your hands behind your back, feeling Luke behind you. Hiding behind your leg, looking at Father Jean. 

Jean’s eyes met your brothers, and he kindly waved at him. “It’s not a problem at all, Sister.” His eyes danced around the room, almost like he was looking for something. “Is Sister Mikasa here?” 

You could feel your heart squeeze for a moment, almost hurt. “Uhm..” You looked away. Your heart aching, why did it bother you so much? “Yeah, she’s in the playroom with the children cleaning up.” You pushed open the door, silently indicating for him to come inside. “I’ll go get her.” You pulled Luke with you, leading him to the room and telling him to help the children clean.  

Jean nodded, walking into the room. You quickly walked to the playroom, searching for Mikasa. “Sister,” you called, watching as her head moved to you. “Uhm, Father Jean is here for you.” You pointed inside your room. 

Mikasa’s eyebrows met together, almost in a concerned way. “Father Jean?..” She mumbled, standing up and stumbling over her footing. Which caught you off guard. Mikasa was always such a collected and calm woman, you’ve never seen her stutter– let alone trip over her own feet. 

What was worrying her?

“Did he say any reason to why?” Mikasa sounded– strained. 

“Uhm,” you looked back at Jean, then back to her. Shaking your head, “No, h-he just asked for you, that’s all.” You responded, moving to the side and allowing her to walk into your room. 

Mikasa’s hand rested on her waist, looking at Father Jean expectantly. “Father, you called?” She asked, head tilting to the side. “What do you need?” 

Jean’s eyes moved to you, then Mikasa. Smiling sweetly at her, “Father Eren is calling for you, I’d suggest going to search for him.” He looked to the side, “Actually, if I remember correctly, he’s in the small break area. You know how he is.” Jean smiled, “He needs his voice to rest before speaking again. He just wants your company.” 

Mikasa looked at you, “I’m sorry, but I can’t. I have to clean, maybe when we return the children to their parents for the body of christ.” She replied, about to walk back when Jean cut her off. 

“I’ll stay.” He said, walking to her and smiling sweetly. “You know Father Eren needs your  company to regain energy, I’ll stay.” He placed his hand on her lower back, leading her to the door. “Don’t worry, I work wonderfully with children.” 

Mikasa looked at you, “Oh Sister, I hope this doesn't bother you. Father Eren just gets… cranky when not tended to.” Her hands moved to hold each other, an act to comfort herself. “He’s such a child sometimes..” She whispered, more to herself then anybody. 

You couldn’t help, but look back at Jean. Your heart racing in your chest, the thought of spending one on one time with each other. Albeit, there were many children around– you were still grateful. Your crush on Father Jean could be sated with a mere glance his way. “N-no, it’s okay, Sister. It’s nothing to worry about, I’m sure I’ll be okay.” You kindly smiled at her. 

Mikasa returned it, before walking away. You slowly shut the door, back pressed to it as you looked at Jean. Heart racing in your chest, “Uhm, as of now we’re just cleaning up. Nothing too interesting.” You informed. 

“That’s fine,” he kindly dismissed, “Is there anything I can do to help.” His hand went into his pockets, “I’m all around when it comes to these things.” 

You giggled, cheeks burning. “Uhm, you can just help me here.” You gestured around your room, “I’m sure the children are having a field day noticing there isn’t an adult in the room.” You laughed to yourself, “Last time, one of the kids became the president.” There was a whole republican and democrat party. 

Jean laughed, hand covering his mouth. “I think I heard about that.” He said through laughs, “If I remember correctly, the party names were onion and apple, right?” 

You giggled, nodding your head. “It was crazy what can happen within a few minutes.” You replied, kneeling to the ground and continuing to pick up all the papers. Being careful not to wrinkle any of the drawings. 

Jean watched you, “Kids are so creative nowadays.” Jean walked towards you, lifting your head. “Wait, you have something in your..” He pulled off the piece of paper, holding it in front of you with a smile. “Here.” 

You smiled, taking the paper from him. Eyes fluttering as his hand pulled away from his face, his contact burning into your skin. “Thank you.” you whispered. Eyes looking up at him. 

Jean blinked a few times, his Adam's apple bobbing before he smiled. Dimples denting into his perfect skin, “Of course, anything for you, Sister.” He pulled back, hands going back into his pockets. 

You were going to make conversation again, when he spoke. “I’ll go help the children, we don’t need another party debate.” Jean turned on his heel, walking into the other room. Leaving you sitting on the heels of your feet. 

Did he not want to speak with you? 

It wasn’t long before the cleaning had finished, and Father Jean had to leave. Which you couldn’t help, but feel hurt by. Mikasa had finally returned as well, so at least you weren’t the only one taking care of the children. Which was a relief. 

You nodded to yourself, before turning to the children in the room. “Okay, okay. Children!” you announced, watching as all the small heads turned in your direction. “We’re going to start heading down to the church hall, start cleaning up so we can leave.” You informed, grabbing a piece of paper from the ground and tossing it in the trash.

“Bread!” A small child shouted, making you giggle. 

“Wine!” 

You could feel your eyes widen, looking at Mikasa, seeing she was holding a similar expression. Before the two of you burst out laughing, looking away from the child. She placed her hand on their head, “Maybe, not wine.. But, there will definitely be bread.” She corrected. 

“I believe Father Jean is doing bread today,” Mikasa loudly remarked, looking at you. You couldn’t help but notice how her cheeks darkened in color, a smile plastered over her lips. “That’s something I don’t want to miss.” 

You felt your eyebrows come together. Did she… like him? You brought your head down, “Looks as if you really like, Father.” You smiled at the baby in your arms. Pressing a soft kiss to her forehead, your eyes glancing up for a second. Looking at Mikasa’s reaction to your statement. You felt your eye twitch. 

Mikasa had her hands pressed to her face, covering the massive blush decorating her face. “Is that what people think?..” She muttered, looking at the ground. 

“No.” You respond instantly, before quickly catching yourself. “I was just messing with you, I didn’t think..” That was a lie, you knew. You just asked Mikasa to confirm your suspicion. Wait.. you just sinned, again. What was happening to you?.. 

It didn’t take long before the two of you were leading the group of children to the main hall. Reunited them with their loving parents. Before going into line for the body of Christ. You joined along with your family, standing behind them. Making brief conversation with your parents. 

You sighed, finding yourself at the front of the line. Keeping your gaze to the floor, finding yourself exhausted from speaking with your parents. 

“Sister.” Someone greeted. And, you wanted to die on the spot. From your last interaction, you wondered if he wanted nothing to do with you. He dismissed you so quickly…

“Father,” you returned, “Nice to see you again.” You lifted your head again, smiling at him. 

Jean nodded his head in return. “It’s nice to see you as-well, Sister.” He grabbed a thin piece of bread and lifted it up. “I hope the children didn’t give you much trouble, I didn’t want to leave too early.” He said, forcing a smile in your direction. Jean was tense. 

You looked at his hand, seeing as gold rings decorated his fingers. So, you were right about the jewelry thing. “Of course not, I always enjoy their company.” You responded, placing your hands around the cross on your chest. “I always enjoy anyone’s company.” 

Jean could feel a shiver go down his spine. He disliked his small tick so much. You parted your lips and Jean felt his eye twitch. Jean’s gaze hardened, like he was concentrated. You noticed and for some reason– it felt intimidating.

You tilted your head up and looked at the bread. Jean’s eyes dilated, bringing the bread close to your mouth. “Body of Christ.” 

You could feel yourself freeze. “I don’t know, I don’t necessarily enjoy placing food in people’s mouths.” You closed your mouth, quickly giving him a sheepish smile. “Father Jean, please excuse me, it’s a habit.” You informed, placing your hand over his. Holding onto his much larger hand, “Allow me.” You grabbed the bread from his hand. “It must seem like I disregarded your boundaries.” 

Jean blinked a few times, shaking his head. His eyes dancing from his hand to yours. “No, no. It’s okay, I didn’t mind.” He said, turning his head to the side for a moment. “I must’ve forgotten..” He bit the inside of his cheek.  

You nodded, “I did too, Father. Don’t worry.” You pressed the thin bread against your tongue, looking down for a second as your tongue slipped over your finger. Before running over your bottom lip.

“..at me.”

You tilted your head up, seeing that Jean was already looking at you. You could feel your cheeks burn, “I’m sorry, what was that, Father?” You absolutely disliked asking people to repeat themselves. You tilted your head to the side, looking away for a moment, unable to keep eye contact. Why? You didn’t know. 

“Father Eren is going to be so angry at me.” He told you, “I think I’ve been giving out the wrong bread.” He said with a chuckle, looking down at the table and basket. His hands came to his side, fidgeting with the material of his black shirt. 

You felt your lip wiggle, trying to contain the laughter bubbling in your throat. But, it slipped out, “Oh Father, if need be, I’m sure you can always confess.” You quickly collected yourself, placing the tips of your fingers to your lips. “I’m sure even priests have their moments of sin.” Why would I say that? 

Jean blinked at you a few times, before smiling, “It’s true. Shameful to admit, but I have struggled of my own.” Then, he nodded his head. “I suppose you’re right, confession does sound nice right about now..” he looked at the roof for a second. Elegant paintings of moments written in the bible looking back at him. 

You nodded, agreeing with him. “Maybe, we should confess together, Father.” You mumbled, not so much telling him, but saying it to yourself. 

“Maybe, we should.” He responded. Still looking up, giving you a nice sight of his neck. With Jean being that tall, and from where you were standing, it looked as if you were on your knees giving him.. 

“Is that a scarf?” He whispered, leaning into you slightly. His eyes dipping down to your chest. Curiosity filling them. 

You could feel your cheeks burn, when did he start looking at you?.. “Oh gosh, I–” You reached up, tucking the fabric into your habit. You thickly swallowed, “I– uh, yes, it is.” You mumbled, “My brother gave it to me, and I couldn’t refuse him.” You added. 

He smiled, nodding his head. “Don’t worry,” he pushed his finger to his lips, “It’ll be our little secret.” You tilted your head, the word sin– filling your head. 

But, you blinked a few times, before bowing your head. “Goodbye, Father.” Then, you walked away. Closing your eyes and shaking the impure thought that came to your head away. Jean’s eyes followed you for a moment, before returning them to the person in front of him. 

“Father.” They greeted, and Jean cringed. He really did. 

“Sister Mary.” He followed. 

⊹ † ༻✦༺ † ༻✧༺ † ༻✦༺ † ⊹ 

Sasha laid on your bed, a blanket over her body and sighing out dramatically. “I think Father Jean’s been hooking up with someone,” she announced. Bringing her hands to her face and messing with her fingers. “He’s been acting weird.” 

You could feel your heart drop. “You think so?!” You disliked how worried you sounded. Sasha gave you a look that made you instantly correct your tone. “I mean, do you think so?..” You placed your hair brush down on your vanity, looking at her through your mirror.

She giggled, nodding her head. “And, I think you have a small thing for him.” She added, grabbing the scarf from your bed and playing with it. Enjoying the thin yet silky fabric between her fingers. She held it up to you, “You know if Sister Mary sees this she’ll be mad.”

You sighed, leaning back in your chair. Reaching for the scarf. “I know, I know, but my brother gave this to me. I couldn’t say no.” You got up, walking to your drawer. “And, I don’t want to throw it out. I–” you sighed, “I really like it, it’s cute.” 

“Uh–Hu, totally.” She stood up, glancing at the clock in your room. “Just hide it somewhere you know she won’t find it.” Sasha stretched out her arms, cracking her fingers. “I’ll lend you the–” 

“I’m not hiding my scarf in your crusty box.” You glared at her, stuffing the fabric in your habit, rather than the drawer. It would be safer if it was on you. 

 “Okay, it’s almost time, it’s now or never, Sister.” She grabbed your hands, pulling you to the door. “Let’s get going!” You disliked how excited she sounded. Because, deep down, you were equally as excited. Maybe you were mixing it with fear. I mean, they practically felt the same. 

“I don’t know, I just feel like..” 

Sasha shushed you, “If you think about it too much you’ll hurt your brain,” she said, grabbing the two towels by the door and placing them under her arm. “Sister Mary should be asleep by now, it’s the perfect time!” 

You rubbed your arm, looking to the side. “Sister, we don’t even have bathing suit, how are we supposed to–” 

“I’ve already thought about that.” And instantly, she was pulling at her outfit. Removing the layers of thick, black, clothing. “We’ll just swim in our underwear. I mean,” she shrugged, placing her habit on the floor gently. “It’s practically the same thing as a swimsuit.” 

You keep your eyes to the ground, “And what if someone sees us?!” You argued. Finally looking at her. 

Sasha shook her head, “No one’s going to see us, Sister.” She reassured, grabbing one of the towels and wrapping it around her body. “Now, c’mon, get naked with me!” 

“No.” 

Sasha pulled at your hand, “C’mon! You know you want to.” She cooed, doing a small dance. 

You couldn’t help but giggle. “Okay, okay, fine. I’ll go.” You admitted, grabbing the other towel from her. “But, only for ten minutes.” You asserted, pointing a direct finger at her. 

Sasha nodded. “Yes, anything you want.” A devious smile came over her lips, her hands grabbing the scarf inside your habit. Placing it and tying it around her head, “Now, get naked!” 

⊹ † ༻✦༺ † ༻✧༺ † ༻✦༺ † ⊹ 

They weren’t lying when they said the pool was beautiful. It was surrounded by a grove of flowers, all different shades of the rainbow. Mixing together like an experienced painter making a beautiful painting. Right next to the pool was an equality as beautiful Labyrinth garden. 

The sky above, the full moon reflecting the pool water, and a cool breeze flowing over you. You tilted your head back, dipping your hair into the water. Bringing your head back up and using your hands to push it out of your face. 

“See! I told you this was a good idea!” Sasha boasted, swimming backwards. “And, what a beautiful night to do it too!” She stopped, starfishing in the water. 

You swam by her side, looking up at the sky. Seeing the stars shining down at you. You couldn’t help but feel awe-struck. You were never allowed outside the church past nine, and now you were swimming in a pool, half naked, at twelve in the morning, looking at the stars with your best friend Sasha. It felt like a fever dream. Maybe, it was a dream and soon you were going to wake up. 

You didn’t want to wake up..

“It’s so pretty,” you voiced, lifting your feet from the ground and floating in the water like Sasha. Fully relaxing while you looked at the sky, “I miss this feeling.” You whispered. 

“Me too,” Sasha said. “I miss being a regular teen. I miss being a teen.” You could hear the whimper in Sasha’s voice. “Don’t get me wrong, I love my religion, but not this much.” 

The thing you and Sasha had in common was… you two were forced to become Nuns. 

“I miss it too,” you were forced to grow up so fast. “But, I enjoy the time I spend here.” You told her, moving your head to the side and looking at Sasha. She was looking at you, smiling. 

“Yeah, we thought we heard something.” 

And, you two shared the exact same expression, at the exact same time. Pure, unrequited, fear. Oh, you two were dead, and you two didn’t even confess! Sister Mary was going to send you two to hell. 

You two immediately rushed out of the water, grabbing your towels and diving for one of the tall bushes. Hiding behind it and looking at the pool entrance through the leaves. 

“This is exactly why I said we should have splashed, it’s way too loud!” You whispered at Sasha, ignoring the urge to punch her. Until, you watched who walked into the entrance. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” 

Father Jean, Father Eren, and Sister Mary. 

Sasha deeply inhaled, then exhaled. Closing her eyes, tilting her head back, clasping her hands and sighing. “I’m sorry, Sister.” She said, fluttering her lashes. “But, we’re so dead.” 

“I’m going to kill you.” You groaned, looking back through the leaves. Seeing the three look at the pool. Which was clearly disturbed, softly sloshing around. All their eyes were on it, everyone knew someone was in the pool. 

“Well, I can look around the area.” Eren voiced, glancing around. “Or, Jean can too.” 

You looked at the table and immediately cringed. Turing to Sasha, “Sasha, did you bring my scarf with you?” You slowly turned to her, eyebrows mushed together. Showing your anger. 

Sasha blinked a few times, glancing through the leaves. Seeing your scarf on the table. She grimaced, “Well, I didn’t think that..” she shook her head, “It doesn't matter, no one will know it’s yours.” She argued. 

“Yes it does matter!” You said, almost a little too loud. “Father Jean has seen me with my scarf, he knows it’s mine!” You looked back out, sighing. “We’re so dead.” 

Sister Mary sighed, “Well, if we can’t find the culprit, it could mean they’re still on the ground.” She went back to the entrance, placing her hand on the wall. “I’ll go roundup all the sisters, just to make sure they’re safe.” She nodded, then turned on her heel. 

Eren nodded, “Sister, I think it will be fine. I’ll glance around the church and make sure no one is here.” He smiled, “There’s no need to worry everyone over something that could just be an animal.” He reassured, and he turned to Jean. “Just check around the area.” 

Jean nodded. Then, the two of them left. 

You turned to Sasha. “Okay, you go, and I’ll try to get my scarf.” You looked back at the table, glancing at Jean for a second. Biting your lip and sighing silently. You were not getting that scarf back. 

Sasha nodded, putting a hand on your shoulder. “I’m so sorry, Y/n.” Sasha looked at Jean, making sure he wasn’t looking, before dashing to the exit.

You sighed, watching Jean walk around the water. Holding your breath as he passed by the bush you were hiding behind. You just needed him to leave, then you could grab your scarf. 

Jean walked to the table, his eyes landing on the scarf. And, you cringed. He saw it, there’s no way he didn’t see it. His fingers moved over the table, landing on your scarf. Pulling it up to his face, then looking to the church. You softly groaned, you weren’t getting that scarf back. 

The worst part was, he most likely knew it was your. Considering how he saw it not too long ago. 

“Bless me Father,” he softly said, your ears perking at his deep voice. A shiver going down your spine that made you shift your thighs together. “For I have sinned.” You disliked the effect his voice had on you.

Jean placed the fabric behind him, stuffing it into his pocket. Shaking his head and walking into the flowery grove. Surrounded by tall, green, fluffy bushes. It was almost like a corn maze, except the center was filled with statues, and a beautiful fountain. It was a place most tourists like to visit during open church hours. 

You quietly followed him, keeping the towel wrapped around your body. Your bare feet hitting the soft green grass. Sending a discomforting shiver up your spine. You ignored it, taking a different path to the center fountain, making the inference that’s where Jean was going. 

You were correct. 

Jean rested on the fountain wall, lifting his hand to the water. Looking at the statue of the Virgin Mary in front of him. You stayed behind the bush, looking through the leaves. You could see your thin scarf peeking from his pants. 

If only you could grab it. 

“Father, and the Holy Spirit.” Jean softly said, his voice deep and smooth, pressing his palm to the fountain's ledge. Placing one knee to the ground, followed by the other. His hands clasped together, “Please, speak to me. I’m in dire need of your assistance.”

You should leave. You shouldn't be watching Jean on his knees, praying to God. This was private. Sacred. Speaking to your one God, was a sacred and private experience. Not something for all wondering eyes and ears to witness. You need to leave. 

But. You need your scarf. 

You sighed, pulling back from the bush, and turning your back to it. Looking at the starry night. 

“I’m struggling, pleading, praying, for your help lord.” Jean sighed, “I can’t keep this up anymore, I feel as if— I’m going insane—“ he thickly swallowed, “Immoral, impure, sinful—“ 

A shiver shot down your spine. You pressed your hand over your lips. Closing your eyes. 

“I can’t control myself.” His free hand went to his pocket, pulling out your scarf. “It’s like a burning desire, turning me to sin.” His hands wrapped around the fabric, before his hands clasped together again. Bowing his head. 

“Everytime I see her, it feels like hands– her hands are crawling around my body. Grabbing me and pulling me in her direction. When I get close enough, I feel like holding her down and hearing her cry. I want to see her cry.” Jean shook his head, “I want her on her knees, worshiping me. Only me, I want to be her devotion.” 

No way. 

There was no way Father Jean said that. 

The most religious man you know, someone who enjoyed doing confessions, always donated what he could to the church, and openly spoke about his devotion to his religion. There was no way he was confessing about… something so– forbidden. 

You deeply inhaled. You need to leave. Your scarf was going to have to wait. It had to wait. Maybe, if you were lucky, he was going to give it to you tomorrow. Along with a stern scolding from Sister Mary. 

You took a step forward, but unbeknownst to you. There stood a very, very crunchy leaf. 

The silence was deathly. 

You clasped your hands together, holding them over your face, and deeply sighing. I’m so dead. 

Jean’s head perked up, “Who’s there?” Jean's voice sounded panicked. You were right, no one was supposed to hear that. And, you just did. 

You shook your head. There was no way you made that mistake, you just imagined it. There was no way you were that careless. You could hear Jean’s heavy footsteps coming in your direction. 

You were that careless. 

You pushed yourself off the bush wall, trying to silently walk away. When Jean grabbed your wrist, making you stop dead in your tracks. Your heart was beating out of your chest, and you could feel your throat constricting. 

“I believe Church doors closed several hours ago.” Jean sounded different. Deeper and intimidating, almost like he was.. mad. His hand around your wrist only made you realize how much bigger he was than you. 

You thickly swallowed, turning your head to him. Sheepishly smiling. Blowing a wet piece of hair from your face. 

His pupils dilated, his grip tightening. “I caught you.” 

You thickly swallowed, finding your mouth dry. “I know, Father. But, I just wanted to swim and then you grabbed my—“ 

“Scarf.” He finished for you, looking at the thin fabric. Still wrapped around his free hand. He thickly swallowed, his eyes dipping up and down your frame. “Did you hear anything?” You disliked how scared he sounded.

You shook your head softly, “I just saw you holding my scarf, then started to leave.” You lied. 

Jean's eyes darkened. “You know, lying is a form of sin.” You could feel your heart drop deeper in your chest. His grip on you was hot. 

“I’m not— but I’m not..” Why were you stuttering so much? Your eyes met his, and you could feel your body burn. You closed your mouth, quickly composing yourself. “Father Jean, I’m afraid I’m not lying.” You disliked how you were lying directly to a priest. Your favorite priest, more specifically.

Jean pulled you into the center of the maze. Not saying a word, you don’t know if it was scary or exhilarating. When he let go. 

“What are you—“

“Pray.” He demanded. Looking down at you, “As someone who serves the lord, I hate seeing someone blatantly sin in front of me.” 

Jean sounded strained, deep, and almost... Was he trying to intimidate you? “Father Jean, are you Afraid I heard you?” You innocently asked, “Because, all I saw was you on your knees, praying.” With my scarf wrapped between your hands, begging for forgiveness. “That’s it.” 

Jean raised an eyebrow at you, walking to the edge of the fountain, and sitting down. His legs naturally spread open. Your eyes remained trained on his face, “Really?” Jean asked condescendingly, his head tilting to the side. He didn’t believe you. “You told me you wanted to confess, why don’t you do that now.” 

“Fine.” You reassured. “But, only because it makes you feel comfortable.” You placed a knee to the ground, followed by the other one. Awkwardly holding the towel to your almost naked body. Tilting your head up, and looking at him. “Father, and son of the Holy Spirit, allow me to speak with you.” You bowed your head, fluttering your eyes closed. 

“If you’re going to pray, do it properly.” Jean voiced, “Hands together, Sister Y/n.” Your name on his tongue was heaven. Maybe even hell. 

You disliked being called Sister, to the point where being called your real name made you jump in your seat with surprise. It also started a fire deep inside you. “Father, I can’t, I’m not wearing much under the towel.” You softly muttered, keeping your eyes to the ground. You were embarrassed, you could feel your skin on fire. 

Everything was on fire. 

Jean didn’t say anything, just brought the tip of his rather clean shoe, to the bottom of your chin. Lifting your face up to look at his. You could feel your teeth digging into your bottom lip as you looked at him. Thighs desperately mushing together. 

Your name. He called you by your name.

“Well, isn’t that a shame.” Jean said, pupils blown wide. His eyes were dark, scary, sinful. You’ve never seen Jean like this. “Do it properly.” His foot went back to the ground, and he lowered his head. Grabbing your face, “Please.” He whined. 

He whined that. 

Jesus Christ. 

You thickly swallowed, blinking at him. Tears pearling in your eyes with arousal, making them glassy in the moonlight. You just nodded your head, hesitantly bringing your hands together. Your towel pooling around your body. 

Jean’s head tilted to the side. “Go ahead, I’m listening.” 

You could feel your mind racing, what was going on? “Father Jean, I–” your mind drifted, “Are you going to tell Sister Mary about this?” You thickly swallowed, looking to the side. Your hands messing with your damp hair, “Because, she is going to–” 

“Should I?” Jean rested his face on his palm. Staring at you. Into you.

“No, you shouldn't. If she found out, I’d be–” 

“Then, maybe I should.” Jean scowled at you, eyebrows furrowed. 

Who were you talking to? This didn’t seem like Jean at all. What happened to the sweet Church priest who loved everyone? The one who seemed like he was always smiling. Suddenly, you could feel your eyebrows mush together. “Are you threatening me?”

Jean's expression remained, like he was disgusted with you. “Did you hear anything I said?” 

You glared at him, trying to ignore the burning sensation in your lower belly. A secret you pushed so far back after you accepted your new life, now bubbling back into your body. 

You loved being treated like this. 

You deeply inhaled, “I’ll ask you again, are you threatening me?” 

“Yes.” 

Your eyes widened, shocked by his bluntness. Before pushing a strand of hair behind your ear. Letting out a small giggle, “So, I guess there’s no reason for me to keep lying then.” You tilted your head, “I heard how much you want to fuck a girl.” You placed your hand on his tight, resting your head on the other one. Looking directly at his eyes, “Or, worship you, was the word. Correct me if I’m wrong.” 

Jean kept his blank expression, his hand pushing a strand of hair from your face. His hand slowly moving down to your throat, fingers skimming over it softly. As light as a feather. “You need to learn when to shut the fuck up, that mouth of yours is going to get in trouble.” 

You tilted your head, enjoying Jean’s hands on you. “I doubt it.” You whispered. Your gasped at his hand tightening around your throat, a small moan leaving your lips. 

Jean grimaced at you, “You really are a whore. Into disgusting things like this.” His eyes darkened, watching as your thighs moved together. “What would our God think?” He mocked. 

“You must be one lucky bitch.” You replied, eyes fluttering. You hummed thoughtfully, “I wonder what the church would think if that information got out?” You smiled at him, “I guess, you’re not the only one who wears a mask– you’re just like me.” You ran your hand further up his thigh, pupils blown. “You’re just another corrupt priest–” 

Your back hit the ground, knocking the wind out of you. Jean pinning you to the ground, his hand wrapped around your throat. “Shut. The fuck. Up.” He grit. 

You just giggled, letting your hands roam his chest. “Mm, keep talking. I love that tone in your voice.” You mocked, “Makes me want to see you on your knees, begging to fuck me.” 

Jean thickly swallowed, shaking his head as he tried not to smile. “Jesus, who would’ve thought one of the Nuns was such a whore.” He scowled.

You shrugged, running your tongue over your bottom lip. Eyes dipping down then up, looking at Jean’s prominent bulge. “You know you love it.” You lifted your leg, running your shin against his cock. “Tell me, how small are you? Men with tempers are all talk, no size.” You mocked.

Jean’s head dipped down to your neck, removing his hand, as he peppered your skin with kisses. “You want to get on your knees, and find out?” You did. He bit your shoulder, making you stifle a moan. “Ask me who I was thinking about.” 

You tilted your head to the side, fluttering your lashes. You didn’t want to know who Jean was lusting over, especially when you were lusting for Jean. It felt like a jab in the heart, something painful you didn’t want to hear. You asked anyway, “Who were you thinking about?” You slightly pulled away from him. 

Jean noticed, his eyes picking up on the glossy outline of yours. He softly smiled, before masking it again. He hated how he had a soft spot for you. “You.” He mumbled, pushing his knee in between your legs. Sucking on your neck lightly, “Since you’ve gotten here, all I could think about was fucking you until you cry.” Jean was to see you cry. “You don’t know how many times I’ve stayed up, praying to God– only to fuck my hand to the thought of you.” It was horrible. 

You couldn’t help, but feel your chest swell with pride. You ground your cunt against his leg, moaning out softly. “Really? You’re so gross.” You groaned, running a hand through his hair. Lifting your back off the ground as he trailed his hands around your bra. Desperately trying to find the clip. His lips attached to the exposed parts of your tits. 

Jean hummed out, nodding his head. “C’mon, lift those hips for me.” He groaned, “I want to feel you against my cock.” You moaned at his words. You watched as Jean tossed your bra to the side, grabbing your waist with one hand and bringing you against his hips. 

You could feel his cock. Holy shit. 

Jean laughed at your wide-eyes reaction, grabbing your hand while leaning towards your tits. Giving you some light placed kisses. “See, look how hard you make me.” He moaned against your skin, his hand guiding yours over his aching cock. Rubbing it through his pants. His free hand was placed over your lower stomach, pressing down on it slightly. “That’s going all the way inside you.” 

You shivered. Your pussy clenching around nothing. Ugh, why was he so hot? 

“You wish.” You mumbled, arching your back as his lips wrapped around your nipple. Eyes fluttering shut. “Your gross dick isn’t going anywhere near me.” You placed your hands on his chest, pushing him away from you. 

Jean darkly chuckled against your skin, pulling back and looking at the way you were laying on the floor. Hips pressed against his, rubbing against him nicely, arms near your chest, and hands softly pressing against him. “Your body’s sayin’ something else.” He pressed. He pressed his forearm to your hip, his fingers tracing over your panties. “But, if that's what you want.” He shrugged, “I don’t care.” 

“I don’t need to use my dick to make you cum.” 

Jean smiled, shaking his head. He pushed you away, making you land on your hands. Watching as pulled himself away from you, sitting on the fountain's ledge again, and unbuckling his belt, his hands undoing his pants. “You need to learn some manners.” He growled, “Let’s teach you a lesson.” 

Was he going to make you suck his cock? You could feel your mind race, eye fluttering at the thought alone. You just wanted to feel him inside you, whether that be your throat or..

I shouldn’t be doing this.. 

Jean’s hand reached into his pants, pulling out his thick cock. A huge one might you add. One of the biggest you've ever seen. Well, it was the only one you've ever seen. The tip flushed red, and was oozing with pre-cum. A vein traveling underneath the head of his cock, to the base. Your pussy clenched. That was going to go.. Inside you. All the way inside you. 

You scooted closer, placing your hands on his knees and opening your mouth. The palm of Jean’s hand went over your mouth, keeping you away. “Nu-uh, only good girls get to suck cock.” He mocked, pushing you away from him. “You need to learn some discipline.” 

You blinked at him, your eyes shining from the starry night. “H-huh?” You stupidly asked. Sitting on your heels, hands meeting together in your lap. “Discipline?...” You mumbled. 

Jean smiled, nodding his head. “Awh, that’s right. Discipline.” He moved his hand to the base of his cock, “What? Never heard of that word?” 

You watched his hand move up and down his cock, his throat straining. You hated the way every movement he did, transferred to you. Making your body hot with desire. Watching and hearing the way his hand glided over his cock in a fast rhythm. 

You wished you could remove the deep sweltering desire building within you. Maybe, feel Jean’s  hands over your body to help. Feeling his hand trail over your breast, your waist, neck, and near the throbbing sensation between your legs. That would calm down your sweltering body, right?

Fuck. Hopefully. 

Jean couldn't refuse someone begging for his touch, right? Begging him to fuck them? 

You crossed your legs, slightly squirming in place. Hot pants leaving your glossy lips as your eyes fluttered softly. Your legs awkwardly mushing together as a slick developed between them. Trying to ease the burning desire within you.

Jean’s eyes danced over your pathetic attempt to relieve yourself, his eyes going dark. Why the hell were you so sexy? He couldn’t hold it back, his throat constricting– a whiny 'fuuck..' leaving his glossy lips. 

You nearly lost it. The heat between your legs becoming painful. You couldn't help, but whimper. Would he at least let you draw shapes on your clit? Help with the desperation. You swallowed, feeling embarrassed from your thoughts–the whole situation. Your Priest fucking his hand in front of you, getting off on you watching him. 

Yeah.. This was a bad situation for you. Really bad. 

Despite the situation, Jean didn't stop. Just took a quick glance at you, before tilting his head back. Another scratchy groan leaving him, his Adam's apple bob slightly. Hot pants and strings of curses leaving his mouth every other second. 

God. 

"Ready for your punishment?" You blinked a few times, lips slightly parted as you mindlessly nodded. You felt yourself softly getting pulled closer to him. You slightly flinched once his free hand pushed your hair out of your face, feeling yourself become more jumpy in the situation. Every sensation is like fire against your skin. Everything felt so good.

So unbearably good.

Jean’s rather large hand pumping up and down his cock lewdly. "I have the perfect punishment in mind." He watched the way you squirmed. Slowly looking back at him, trying to ignore the thing you so desperately wanted to see. 

Jean had no shame, he wanted to see you squirm. Wanted to see you pant and look at him with desire. Hot fucking desire. Jean smiled mockingly at you, his dimples denting into his skin. "Ask me what it is." He persisted. You took your lip between your teeth. 

"What's my… punishment?" You asked with uncertainty. Sitting on your heels, and slightly arching toward him with anticipation. Eyes fluttering. 

Jean cupped your face, tilting it to look directly into his eyes. "You're going to sit there, look pretty, while I fuck my hand." He slightly sat up, grabbing the back of your head along with a handful of your hair. Seeing the way you slightly moaned as he pulled your head to his face, noses practically touching. "Alright, pretty girl?" You obediently nodded, awkwardly pulling your attention to his cock. Watching the way his hand moved. His other hand planted in your skull. You felt him bring your head down, bring you in front of his cock. 

Jean wanted to see you suck his cock so badly. See you struggle maybe even enjoy the way you couldn't deep throat him like he wanted you too. That wouldn't matter, he'd still force your head down. Seeing you gag and look up to him. 

Because, Jean was disgusting like that. He'd get off on your struggle, and a part of him says you'd enjoy it too. You softly moaned. Finding yourself naturally spreading your legs as you leaned forward. Your fingers moving to your clit, rubbing circles on the sensitive nub. 

Jean fastened his pace. Finding himself getting closer. Which was a surprise for him. Although, with watching you play with your pussy, that more than likely played a part. You rolled your hips down into your fingers, groaning with frustration and pleasure. Jean's eyes never leaving your exposed form. 

Sucha’ cute Nun. His cute Nun. 

You bit your lip, finding no other way to react to the groans reaching your ears. Almost concealed by the water fountain behind him. But, oh no, you could still hear them, clear as the night sky. Almost as if he was right next to you, trying to sound as indecent as he could. A shaky exhale left you. 

Tears pearling around your eyes was throwing him near the edge. The way you were slightly begging with those round eyes of yours. So pure and innocent. You didn't even know what to do with yourself. You were just waiting for him to do something to you. While he got off to that thought alone. 

That thought alone made Jean realize how painfully horny he was for you. How much he wanted to grab you by your hips, and pressed your face into the floor while he fucked you. Seeing you squirm, and moan over his cock. Maybe, even praise you for taking him whole. 

But, this was a punishment, Jean reminded himself. But, he was still trying to get off. He just needed something to push him over the edge. His eyes flicked all over you. "Lay down." Your eyes peered at him. Your wet lashes fluttered, as you quickly obeyed. Your legs immediately clamped shut. Jean groaned with annoyance, grabbing your ankle and roughly pulling you towards him. Connecting the dots in your head.

You could feel your eyebrows mush together in confusion, picking your head off the ground. “Wait,” you muttered, watching as he pulled your panties to the side. Pressing kisses to your thighs, “I haven’t showered, I just out of the pool, and I’m like really—“ 

Jean's hand harshly gripped your face, your mouth covered with your palm. “Stop bitching,” he grumbled, “fuck, I’ve waited long enough.” You just blinked at him, nodding your head softly. He smiled at you, “Good,” he cooed. “Now, shut the fuck up, and take it.” 

You thickly swallowed, spreading your legs open for him. Jean just laughed at you, “Good job.”

You could feel your eyes roll with his tongue moving up your slit. “No. No, wait.” You shut your legs, thighs squeezing Jean. 

Jean loudly groaned, “What now?” 

“What’s up with you?” Suddenly your mind was coming together and questioning the situation. You were on your back, about to get eaten out by a priest. Not any priest, but the nicest man you’ve ever met. A guy who enjoyed speaking aloud to the church, taking confessions, and helping those who needed it.

That same guy was leaning over you, calling you filthy names while eating you out. Where did the other guy go? “I’m so confused, I thought you?—“ 

“Yeah, no. Don’t even start.” Jean cut you off, groaning with annoyance. “You wouldn’t believe how corrupt this place is.” He replied, “The only reason Eren isn’t here is, because he’s fucking Mikasa.” He lowered himself to your face, smiling at you mockingly. “Don’t tell me you fell for that fake bullshit, I thought you were better than that, Y/n.” He mocked. 

Jean’s eyes skimmed your form, as he felt his breath heat up. You shuttered as his fingers fluttered over your calf gently. Slowly moving up your leg close to the place you wanted it most. A soft moan leaving you, as your back arched. 

Jean laughed to himself, "Fuck. I've barely touched you, yet, look at yourself." He pulled his hand back, staring at you. Jean pressed his hand to your abdomen, tracing it teasingly. 

A small 'please.' Left you. You didn't even know what you were begging for. And, Jean knew that. "Please?" He mocked. Clearly amused. "Please what?" The way he said that, made your eyes flutter. So, breathy and laced with desire. 

"Touch me.." you meekly said. Embarrassment running through your body.

Jean shook his head, "Spread your legs." You blinked a few times, feeling that heat worsen– if that was possible. You slowly parted your legs, hearing the deep growl coming from Jean. Your eyes fluttered. "Good. Fuck– good job." 

You whimpered. Jean smiled to himself, he didn't know you were such a slut for praise. He finally lowered his hand to your clit. Rubbing his thumb over the nub slowly, with just the right amount of pressure. You could feel your belly starting to heat up.

You looked to the side, thinking back to what Jean said. “You’re just a liar.” A good one at that, you finally replied. “I guess I’d be a hypocrite to judge you, though.” 

“A hypocrite?” Jean asked, eyes glued to your face. Searching for your expression. Trying to see what you did, and didn’t like. He knew this was supposed to be a punishment, but he couldn’t help himself. 

Your eyebrows slowly knitted together, lips parting your tried to inhale. The sensation of Jean’s thumb, sending electric currents up your body. “Y-yeah, a hypocrite.” You lightly groaned. Jean was touching you, rubbing your sensitive clit while you moaned. You had to be dreaming. 

“Did you not want to be a Nun?” 

Why was he talking about this? “No, my–” You jolted, feeling his fingers pinch your clit. His lips wrapping around your nipple, his tongue running over it. “M-my parents forced m-me.” You could feel your legs twitch, tears pearling in your eyes. 

Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god–oh god. Why does it feel so good?

Jean laughed, pressed a soft kiss to your tit. “Makes sense, I could hear your moaning all the way from my room when you masturbated.” He smiled seeing the way you tensed, his words seeping into your brain and connecting the dots. “You’re so loud, I’m sure the whole Church heard you.” 

You could feel your blood run cold. The warmth in your belly growing warm, why was that– hot?...

Jean’s dark eyes hardened, watching as you jolted when his fingers ever-so-slightly dipped into your hole. “What? Don’t tell me you thought you were being quiet.” He mumbled against your skin. Listening to you moan, he would do anything to fuck his cock with– something. He was so desperate for relief. 

“The amount of times I would just listen to you call my name in the middle of the night.. It’d have to have been hundreds.” You felt your body tense up, a string twisting in your stomach. “I would fuck my hand to the sound of your voice, listen and listen to your sinful voice. Wish I could see the way your fingers circled your clit, the faces you made when you came.” 

“I wanted to walk into your room, and be the one who made you feel good. I wanted to fuck you so bad..” Jean did everything in his power to control his thoughts at first, prayed, begged. For a moment he thought you were the devil with an apple taunting him, daring Jean to take a bite of the forbidden fruit. 

Until he decided… hell can’t be that bad, and it definitely can’t be eternal. And, hell– you were fucking worth it. He was going to savor each fucking bite.

Jean’s head tilted to the side, “And, I always wondered how you did it.” He pressed a kiss to your neck, “I wondered if you were thinking of me.” His voice was weirdly soft, making you look at him, noticing the way he towered over you. “Tell me, Y/n. Were you thinking of me when rubbing your sensitive pussy?” 

You shakily exhaled, unable to think. You thickly swallowed, choking over a moan, and tilting your head back. A long breath leaving you as Jean intently watched. Your innocent demeanor basically diminishing in-front of him. “Y-yes, I was thinking of you.. Jean.” 

It was perfect. So, fucking, satisfying. 

A sharp, 'hah!' Left you. Making it painfully aware you didn't know how to react to the new sensation. His hands tracing over your exposed skin, before grabbing your bra, pushing the fabric up slightly. Exposing more skin to his hungry eyes.  

You whimpered, and turned your face away, embarrassed by the eyes racking over your skin. Also, by the fact of how much you enjoyed it. Jean grabbed your cheeks with his index and thumb, bringing your face to his eyes. 

“Don’t look away, I want you to watch this.” You felt your lip quiver as you looked down, seeing what Jean was doing. You could a pair of hands trail over your stomach to your upper back, unclipping the back bra you wore. Revealing your bare breasts to him. The perky buds hardening under the cool air. His tongue rolled around them, your eyebrows scrunching together in return. 

"God! Hah!" You choked over a moan, the sensation becoming too much for you. Jean laughed. 

"God?" Jean questioned mockingly, grabbing the back of your neck, and raising you towards him. "I'm not a god.” He said, his voice laced with amusement. “I'm fucking Jean Kirstien. You better not be calling out anything, but that." You groaned, nodding your head feverishly.

"Yes! J-jean!" You gasped, feeling his hand tighten around your throat. 

Jean groaned, biting in his lip. "Such a slut." He harshly spat. His hand left your throat and reached for your lips, pushing two fingers into your mouth. You gag initially before closing your mouth around them, your tongue rolling against it. "Suck." You quickly obeyed. Jean felt his eye twitch, as well as his cock. How were you so sexy? He pulled his hand back, removing his fingers from your mouth, and wiping your spit on your cheek. 

Your eyes rolling back lewdly, as you tried to refuse the feeling of tossing your head back. Your legs spread impossibly wider, making his eyes snap to your entrance. Moving his fingers faster. You arched your back. 

Your pussy was fluttering on nothing, begging to be stuffed. Jean continued to pump his cock, sucking in a groan as you moaned without care. He was so close. If only he could taste you. Run his tongue over your entrance before going to your clit. Glancing up at you to see your reaction. 

You’d probably tear up, try to push him away as he grabbed your hips and forced you to stay put. Pinning you down, and just hearing you cry out about how it was– too much. He wouldn’t care, just continue rolling his tongue around your sensitive bud. Maybe, pump his fingers in and out of your entrance.

You took a deep breath, eyes shutting and rolling to the back of your head. A mantra of babbles leaving your mouth, “Ohgod, fuck. I’m– hah!–” you could feel yourself tighten around nothing, desperate to be filled.  

God, Jean was losing his goddamn mind. He couldn’t help, but fuck his hand, hips bucking at the sound of your voice. Fingers moving your clit in circles, trying to follow your pace. Trying to imagine it was him inside of you, feel the way you’d suck him into you. 

"Please, God– Jean." You softly begged. "I feel weird..." you stated. 

That was a tipping point for him. The slutty words leaving your mouth were shooting straight to his cock. You were such a slut like this. Such a fucking saint. The perfect in between.

Jean wasn't complaining in the least. "How slutty of you?" He questioned. But you didn't care. For once you felt so good. So incredibly good. The fact that Jean was watching was even better, you didn’t know how but it was. 

You choked on a moan, nodding your head. Hearts filling your eyes as you spoke. "Yes! Anything!" Your pussy in plain sight for his viewing pleasure. Loving every second. That tipped him over.

You wrapped your arms around Jean’s shoulders, pulling him close to you. You lips right next to his ear, releasing profanities. Jean could feel his mind melt with your words, “Oh my god, Jean! S’it s’good.” You cried, tears falling down your face. Jean kissed the corner of your eyes, before running his tongue over the wet stream. A laugh leaving his throat. 

Yeah, there was no way you weren’t cumming around his thick cock. 

Jean’s fingers pulled away, and you immediately whined, wanting the sensation to come back. “Wait, wait, don’t stop..” You pleaded, reaching for his hand. Trying to get him to continue. 

“Shh, don’t worry.” He cooed, “It’s only for a second.” His hand went to his cock, pressing the head to your entrance. “Hold me.” 

You slowly took a deep breath in, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and bringing him close. Shutting your eyes as he pushed himself inside you. You could feel tears brimming your eyes from the stretch, a pain– and pleasure shooting through your body. A pained whimper leaving you.

Jean just held you closer, “S’it okay, it’s okay. I got you, I got you.” He whispered reassuringly, pulling his head back to kiss you, his tongue tracing yours. You moaned into him, melting against his body, His hips rolling into yours. Jean stifled a groaned, “Fuck, you feel s’good, Y/n.” 

You could feel his dick slowly inch inside you, pushing your lips apart. Bullying his fat head inside your small hole, stretching around his size. A small whine leaving your throat, his hips meeting the fat of your ass. He tried staying still, letting you adjust to his size. But, God was really testing his patience. 

This was the very thing Jean had been dreaming of. 

You couldn’t breathe. Filled to the brim with Jean’s fat cock, it felt like it was in your throat. But, it felt so, so good. Being filled like never before, his cock hitting all the spongy spots deep inside you. Spots even you couldn’t reach. You gasped, “J-Jean, it hurts– feels so–” 

“Good?” He cut off, pressing kisses to your neck. “You can do this, Y/n. Promise.” His nose caressed your neck, “Be good for me, yeah?” You shut your eyes, and meekly nodded your head, pushing your face in his neck. “Can I move?” 

You nodded. 

Jean smiled, his eyes fluttering. “Thank you,” he whined, “I’ve been waiting too long for this.” His hips pulled back, before pushing forward. His head getting thrown back back from the pleasure shooting through his body. Making his mind hault. Your pussy was so tight and warm, so desperate to have his cum inside of you. 

You immediately arched your back, your toes curling at the pleasure. Your mind blanking as you loudly moaned, your pussy stretching around his cock. Sucking him back into you, “Holy fuck, holyfuck..” You babbled, unable to think. 

Jean’s hands went to your waist, gilding you to move up and down his cock. Your slick, lubing him up, and allowing him to enter with ease. Almost like you were made to milk his cock. His eyes went to your stomach, seeing as it pressed against your belly. How cute. 

Your hands reached for his shirt, gripping onto it as Jean pressed his hips into you. Going in and out, at a slow rate. Savoring every whine, cry, moan, and gasp that left your mouth. Your pussy clenching around him once Jean hit that spongy spot of yours.

You groaned, tossing your head to the side. “Hah!” 

Jean licked your neck, “You like that spot?” He asked, but as expected– didn’t get a response. Your stupid, fucked out head probably couldnt register a thing he was saying. Awh, poor baby. You need him to dumb it down for you. “Here?” He asked, jutting his hips to hit your sweet spot. 

You cried, tears falling down your cheeks. Your lips swollen from biting on them. Jean smiled to himself, “Yeah, right here.” He hit it again, watching as your legs tightened around his waist. Almost a silent way of telling him to stop. 

There was no way in hell he was stopping. 

Jean wanted to see you sob in pleasure. 

Jean grabbed your ankle, lifting it to his shoulder. Placing his hand on your other thigh, and pressed it to the ground, allowing him to go deeper inside you. A groan leaving his mouth from how fucking amazing you felt. Electricity shook up his body with every thrust into you. His swollen tip hitting inside you perfectly, making him whine. You just felt so, so good. 

Jean never wanted to leave. He wanted to stay like this forever. Fuck his cum into your abused pussy until you couldn’t help but cry with pleasure. Tears falling down your cheeks as you weakly gripped onto Jean, desperate to ground yourself. But, even more desperate to cum again. 

Jean pressed his lips together, trying to conceal his moans. Which only muffled them, his hips pressing into yours as he gripped your waist tighter. Moans trying to escape his closed lips, making them even whiner, than before. His lips parted, “I feel so good,” he groaned, “Fuck, you make me feel so good.” 

Jean’s hands went to the back of your thighs, folding them into you. “Oh god, fuck yes,” he moaned. Pounding his cock into you, making sure to hit all your favorite spots. He looked at you, seeing as you rolled your eyes back. “I’m hitting all your favorite spots, huh?” He groaned. 

You just nodded, head lollying to the side. Unable to hold it up, your mind swirling with nothing, but thoughts of his cock deep inside you. His moans filling your ears, with wines and cries. No thought put behind them, just pure pleasure. Your body jolting with every thrust of his hips. 

 Fuck, you needed this. You wouldn’t be able to go another day without this in your life. 

“Oh my–” you could feel your throat constrict, your heart speeding up as your vision went white. “Fuck, ohmygod– I’m– so close!” You tried breathing, but you couldn't. 

Jean chuckled to himself, “No, not yet.” He cooed, looking into you. Only to see your non-vacant eyes. He couldn’t help, but laugh again. “Awh, look at those fucked out eyes. Not a single thought behind them, huh?” He pulled out, “You just want my dick, huh?” 

Jean turned you around, forcing your face to the ground. “C’mon babe, don’t tell me you’re already tapping out.” You meekly shook your head, pushing your pussy back on his cock. Eyes rolling with every thrust. “Atta’ girl,” He praised. 

You felt your lips wiggle, tears falling down your face. Too much, it was way too much! That coil from before, building in your stomach again, getting tighter and tighter. Jean could notice by how tight you were clenching around him, your gummy walls pulling him back into you. 

“Awh, am I hitting all your favorite little spots, over and over again? Does it really feel that good?” Jean mocked, feeling his balls tighten. Fuck, he wasn’t going to last much longer like this. His hand wrapped around your body, circling your clit again. Hearing the way you groaned, your mind melting with overwhelming pleasure. “You feel your belly getting warm?” 

“Y-Yes!” Oh my god, you were going to cum. It almost felt different, like you couldn’t stop it from happening. Forcing it way through your body, your ears ringing. 

“I know, I know. Don’t worry, babe. I’m not stopping, I’m not stopping.” He cooed, watching as you went slack. Your legs wobbling, as your arms caved in. Squirting over his cock, wetting his abdomen. Jean couldn’t help, but feel his eyes go wide. Watching you come, not bothering to stop his thrust. Only making your pussy twitch. 

Your body went slack, about to fall to the floor when Jean caught you. Laugh at your pathetic state, “Babe, did it really feel that good?” He mocked, continuing to fuck you. You could feel your pussy burning with pleasure, it was almost overwhelming– fuck that, it is overwhelming.

You could feel your mind screaming to pull away, your body aching with soreness. Jean’s hands going to your shoulders, pulling you back on his cock. Making his thrust deeper and harder than before. Hitting that spongy spot with more power. “Don’t worry, you don’t have to do anything. Just lay down, and take my fat cock.” 

You didn’t even have the power to object, your mind was just high on pleasure. 

“Oh god, fuck, Y/n I’m gonna’ cum.” Jean moaned into your shoulder, his thrust turning erratic. “W-where do you want it?” His dick was coated with your slick, a ring located at the base of his cock. Evidence of your actions with him. 

You weren’t even thinking when you said it, “Inside.” You groaned back, eyes rolling to the back of your head. You could feel your mind blank again, body tensing. 

Jean felt his throat constrict for a moment, “Oh fuck, oh fuck..” He moaned, eyes rolling to the back of his head while he pushed his hips into you. Hot ropes of white cum, seeping inside your overstimulated pussy. “Fuck.” He groaned, closing his eyes and collecting his breath. Slowly lowering you to the ground. Then, finally pulling out of you. 

Watching as his cum leaked out of you. 

Jean just smiled to himself, running his hands over his face. He tilted his head to the side, peering at you. “Babe, you okay there?” You gave him a weak thumbs up, one that made him laugh. “Alright..” He dismissed, looking at the Church, and seeing how all the lights were off. 

It was going to be a bitch, and a half to get back inside. 

You rested on your back, your eyes blinking slowly. Jean went to lay next to you, looking at the shimmering sky above. Holding your hand, not before quickly removing his shirt and placing it on you. Trying to give you something to cover yourself. 

“The sky’s pretty.” You quietly said, leaning into Jean. Eyes blinking at the endless cosmos, observing the beautiful scenery. You never got to look at it, being trapped inside the church at night. 

“Yeah, the moon’s beautiful.” Jean responded, wrapped his arm around your shoulder. “This is nice.” He whispered in your hair, pressing a kiss to the crown of his head. “I didn’t mean the things I said, I think I was just horny.” He said with a laugh.

You giggled, moving closer to him. “Your brain went– Y/n, must fuck, now.” You smiled, wrapped your arms around his torso. Still slightly sore from your previous activities. You wondered how sore you would be when you woke up. 

Jean groaned, “Uhg, I hate that.” He laughed, “I have so much confessing to do after this.” His arms tightened around you, pulling you closer to him. “But, it was worth it.” Jean smiled, the smile you came to utterly adore. “You’re worth it.” 

You rested your head on his chest. “You are too.” 

“You want to sleep with me tonight?” He asked, pushing back off the ground and pulling you up with him. Picking you up like a princess, a small yelp leaving you. “I’ll promise to massage your back in the morning.” 

You looked to the sky, pretending to think, while wrapping your arms around his neck. Crossing one leg over the other, “Will you also massage my legs?” You stretched your foot out, feeling it cramp.

“Of course,’” Jean responded, pressing his lips gently across yours. Walking through the maze. Searching for the exit, which he found surprisingly fast. “I’ll even fuck you stupid again, if you want.” 

You rolled your eyes, “Don’t. I think my body needs a break after that.” You pressed your finger to his nose, smiling to yourself. “Just get me to a soft bed, and I’ll be fine for the night.” You rested your head in his chest, yawning quietly. “I’m so tired.” You whispered. 

Jean smiled back, his dimples prominently shining at you. “Fine, but next time I’m eating you out.” He sang, twirling around with you in his arms. 

You shook your head, smiling sweetly. “Deal.” 

Ugh, you literally loved him so much. Why’d he have to be so perfect.

⊹ † ༻✦༺ † ༻✧༺ † ༻✦༺ † ⊹ 

#writers on tumblr #anime #fiction #writing #aot fanfiction #aot x y/n #rating: mature #attack on titan fanfiction #attack on titan #attack on titan jean #jean kirschtein x reader #jean kirschstein #jean kirschtein fanfiction #jean kirschtein x you #jean x y/n #jean kirstein #smut with plot #smut #modern au

[uroboros-if]

I know that children won't ever be apart of this IF, but if the MC were to have children with the ROs what type of dieties do you think they'd be? (Ex: Like how Ciocana is the diety of misfortune)

Hmmm...

Not sure if anyone noticed, but most of the main Twelve gods are deities of a very natural process or naturalistic things such as fire, water, animals, etc. while the next generation of gods tend to be more ideas and concepts, such as love, wealth, etc.

I imagine at this rate, the deities are going to become more and more niche or specialized in some way? If anyone has any ideas, feel free to comment!

SALVATORE. Sun and healing + eternity = perhaps a deity of youth!

LUCIEL. Death + eternity = deity of peace. Peace as in, the inner tranquility of being truly happy or untroubled, some higher state of mind. If such a deity came into existence, their followers would probably strive to reach that kind of inner peace. I suppose in that sense, they are by extension, a deity of self-love.

CIOCANA. Misfortune + eternity = oooh. That sounds bad, but! Probably a deity of humility and/or forgiveness. A little antithetical, but I always find there people who went through great hardships can become one of the humblest and most wonderful people. Knowing what their parents went through, they'd promote repentance and the idea that people can change.

... Or, they can also be bitter and hateful. An actual deity of vengeance?

ALESSI. Oh, I wonder how demigods would work, or if demigods exist at all. It's never happened before, so everyone is always in the dark. I'll have to get back to you!

Thank you so much for the ask, so interesting to think about!! 💕

#uroboros-if #uroboros #asks #anon #character asks #all ros #salvatore #luciel #ciocana #alessi #children

[lotusmi]

Unconditional Thinking

📚PART 23: Unconditional Thinking

read more of my summaries | full post on reddit

⬸ [go to PART 22 "The Dreamer" ]

To truly grasp the freedom that is attainable within you, you must understand the concept of States. A State is a belief about the yourself or what you believe you will experience, an attitude towards life.

Imagination is NOT a State. Imagination is the Real Self, which I call the Inner Self. The Inner Self can be and have what he wishes in the World Of Imagination. It cannot be stressed enough that you, the Inner Self, is NOT a State. Forget this garment and the outer-world when you meditate and assume that the World of Imagination is the Only Reality and you (Inner Self) yourself are the God in that World.

Once this change in Self Identification is made, you will discover that within your mind is room filled with clay statues. These clay statues are of yourself performing certain actions, receiving certain treatment and having certain things. There are infinite statues (states) that lie dormant within you. They do not disappear, for nothing can disappear in Imagination. They simply lie in the shadows of the room (Mind). You give life to these statues (states) by feeling yourself to be one with it. Not as something you will be in the near future, but something you are now. The acceptance that you are the State now, is what brings life to these dormant statues.

If entering into a New State within you is challenging it is because you have not accepted who you are within. You are not a State, but is God. As God within, whose permission are you asking for? To whom do you answer to? If there is only One Being within you, then who can stop you?

Just as though there is death and life in this outer-world, there is death and life in the World of Imagination, however YOU are Death and the Life. To navigate in the World Of Imagination successfully, it requires death entirely to what current State you are fused with. Death is the only way to bring life to a New State.

This is what I mean by Death. If you wish to rise as something New in Imagination, you have to give up entirely your currently thoughts/feelings, questions, worries, what you think of the world, what you think is possible, if you think you are worthy or not, if you deserve the New State etc. These belong to the Old State and cannot be brought with you into the NOW. The have to be entirely discarded. Now listen to the words of Neville in the lecture "Repentance Is A Gift From God":

"But grant me the freedom to change it (my state)– don’t leave me in the state if I desire to get out of it. Yet many a person wallows in it, and wallows in it morning, noon, and night, and they are totally unaware they are doing it. They will say, “Oh, yes,” and then five seconds later they are back in that state (Old Man). I have had interviews with people who will say to me, “This is what I would like, but I must first tell you . . . .” Don’t tell me anything! Tell me what you want – they are only states! They insist on wallowing in all the things of the past." - Neville

"Don't tell me anything!" That is the secret. Total self-abandonment to the current State is the way to bring life towards the New State.

So before you assume a New State, understand who is the one doing the Assuming! The Inner Self, who is God is the one, the I AM that precedes the State. The I AM is the God in the World Of Imagination, and this life is the expression of the I AM. Man cannot even be a living being unless God fuses with him and states, "I AM a man." There is only God in this World.

So again, Imagination, the Inner Self is not a State! Repeat this over and over until you understand what I am saying. Understanding this is the difference between shaming yourself and rising anew. Between punishment and forgiveness. Between being stuck and freedom in the Mind.

You have to die to what you do not want to express entirely, a true act of surrender. You can do it.

Practice this art everyday on others in your world. Imagine the very best for your neighbor. See them glowing, radiant. Do not put any condition upon it. Just see them that way without and justification or reason. A true, loving, unconditional act. Doing this for others, will make it easier to do it to oneself. So leave the world alone and go within and die to what you want to stop expressing and allow yourself to be what you want. Imagination is the evidence you are seeking for it is the only reality.

I call this way of thinking, "Unconditional Thinking." You may say, "but.. I once did this or that, or I was abused in my past, I am afraid of my future etc." All understandable but what do you want? You want freedom? You want peace in your body? You want love? You want to stop fearing life? It's counterpart exists within you only that is it dormant. You may have all the reasons in the world for why you feel you must stay in the State of being unloved. But I tell you, if you want to be loved, you do not have to hold onto the feelings of being unloved anymore. You do not have to reason your way into being loved. There are no physical acts you must do first in order to accept the new State! It can be given unconditionally for Imagination does not hold it against you, for it is only a State, and you are not a State. The Imagination is forgiving because thought/feeling is what is creating your world and Imagination does not restrict you from any thought/feeling regardless of your reasons. Unconditionally become what you want to be in Imagination.

I want to see how the Imagination is your savior if you allow yourself to assume the best for yourself:

"He holds success in store for the upright, he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless." - Proverbs 2:7

The "He" is your Imagination. If you assume you are blameless, your Imagination (Reality) will become a shield for you. Who can punish a man who is blameless? Assume you are upright and success will be in store for you. Assume all works in your favor to express your States. This is how the Imagination works.

Blameless or blameable, they are only States, a feeling towards self. A State is powerless until it is provided with I AM. I AM is not a State, so do not feel guilty for taking a better State. Do not feel you are doing something wrong for giving yourself feelings of bliss. Everything within you is yourself for the taking. Think unconditionally, as as Neville says, "Don't tell me anything! Tell me what you want! They are only States!”

📜lotus writting: this is the last post from the series! tysm for reading all of them! It was a pleasure to summarize those!

#neville goddard #loa advice #loatumblr #loa blog #law of assumption #manifesting #living in the end #edward art

[inastarlesssky]

In Defense of Dramione - an essay

Okay, time for another Ted talk/ soapbox/ pointless rambling...Putting it under the cut because I have opinions.

In Defense of Dramione - an essay

First of all, I want to say I ship Dramione. Which is a recent thing, specifically about half a year ago. I didn't always because well it never occurred to me that you could. Of course, that's how ships are. We ship some ships bc they're canon, okay, fine. But we ship a whole lot others that aren't because you name whatever reason (they've got chemistry, they WORK, they're better than the canonically approved pairings whatever the hell else, idk). My point is, it had never crossed my mind that I myself would actually like the idea of Draco and Hermione. Bc naturally, you look at them and you think, "He did insult her when they were children. He was an asshat, etc etc." But...BUT.

You know that trope Enemies to Lovers? Ever heard of redemption arcs? Yeah, those are things. Of course, I don't speak on behalf of everyone in the fandom because we all have our reasons for why. But I ship them because there is potential in Draco's character for growth, for repentance, for redemption. I believe that he's capable, when he's an adult of realizing that he fucked up and that the beliefs he was spoonfed as a child are not the law of the land. I've read more fics than I can count that describe this character arc for him and they do it masterfully. Honestly, I think he's a pretty complex character and I believe that we see a sliver of that in the last few movies. Like look, in 6th year, Harry hit him with Sectumsempra and nearly killed him. But when the Golden Trio were at the Manor and it was on Draco's shoulders to identify Harry and basically seal their doom, did he do it? Did he rat them out? Nope.

Maybe this wasn't exactly Draco "forgiving" Harry, admittedly. But Draco saw that Harry was their only hope for destroying Voldemort or for having some sliver of a winning chance, of a possibility of surviving the mess Voldemort was orchestrating. He obviously deemed it important enough to dare to lie, especially knowing that Bellatrix would have summoned the Dark Lord himself in the next few moments. If Draco really didn't care about the outcome of everything, he wouldn't have done that. If anything, we see that he cares at least about the safety of his family because that could have also been the motive. But that gets me thinking, couldn't he also have confirmed Harry's identity? Voldy would have arrived, perhaps praised Draco and spared the Malfoys to die another die. So really, Draco might have gotten more out of it if he HAD confirmed Harry's identity. Hmm food for thought.

Second point, I'm not going to judge anyone in the fandom because of reasons stated above, but I will go so far as to say, please, if you don't ship Dramione, that's okay. Everyone has their own cup of tea, but please, do NOT claim that all of us (that every single one of us who happen to support this ship) are and I quote "are just a bunch of horny teenagers desperate for some pretty boy and pretty girl sex". That isn't fair and it frankly isn't true, so please don't. I know many wonderful people who have crafted amazing stories and shown great talent through their writing to express the complexities I've just spoken about.

I'll end by saying that we all have our ships, and that's okay. There's no real right or wrong inasfaras who you ship with whom. But it's a basic gesture of respect, I think, to let others love the pairings that they love. Spreading hatred, ill-will or just unkindness toward those of us who enjoy a particular ship, that's not cool and that's what brings us down in what should be something we all enjoy and go to find joy and share that joy with others.

Okay, it seems I really defended Draco more than Hermione here but I will die on this hill and defend my dorks. Fight me on it (joking here but really though. XD) Thanks for coming to my Ted talk.

#my ramblings #dramione #draco malfoy #hermione granger #in defense of dramione #because i'm sick of seeing people throwing unnecessary shade on this beautiful fandom #thanks for coming to my ted talk

[n3xii]

Using tarot with loa

Ive been making post describing how i would intpret cards using loa terminology or concepts but i havent made a post explaining how tarot interacts with loa. If any other blogger has made a post on this i apologize if its repetive.

I also want to say that it doesnt matter what you want to call the phenomenon that is loa. To me, it reflects beleifs that have been held for centuries about god, conciousness and reality , but today many people learn about this phenomenon through the terminology of law of assumption so i don't mind calling it that either.

What is tarot

Tarot is a pack of 78 cards designed for divination. the classic rider deck was made by Author Edward Waite and illustrated by Pamela Cole Smith in the early 20th century, most decks created today are based off this deck. in the creation of the deck, Pamela was inspired by esoteric and pyschic visions as well as things in her real life. Waite also incorporated many concepts from religion and esoterisim into the cards, many cards have references to the kabbalah, astrology, manifestion, spell work, color symbolisim, numerology etc. The cards aren't random, meaningless pictures as some people have asserted, anyone who says that is usually to lazy to learn it so they project their lack of knowledge onto the cards.

☆★☆ Even though tarot has a system of meanings and symbolism attached to the cards, this system is very flexible and you can apply any lense onto the cards. Let's say you were a Christian using tarot; maybe you would interpret judgement to be about repentance, seeking forgiveness and holding yourself accountable. Maybe you would interpret ace of cups as holiness, purity, miracles. Tarot conforms to whatever lense you apply to the cards.

Tarot very easily conforms to the lense of loa because it already explores concepts of conciousness, states of mind, manifestion, reality. It's just a matter of applying what you know to the cards. As I've said in my tarot series, 4 of cups can represent someone not placing emphasis on undesirable things in your reality, and shifting your focus intenrally. The heirophant can represent guides, teachers, coaches, stubborn beliefs, the 9 of cups represents living in the wish fullfilled. Etc.

These interpretations don't stray from the orginal tarot meanings but give them more depth. applying the lense in which resonates with what you believe the most to tarot cards helps you understand what they mean to you personally.

Let's also address the question of whether or not tarot can predict your future.

Yes and no. It can predict what will happen, but not always. The future is not defined by tarot, the future is created by what you do in the present. Sometimes tarot will warn you or pass on information about what will happen if you continue in the state you're in. For example, I once kept getting cards warning me that I was going to have money stolen from me from a female figure who was a pisces. A few weeks later, my mother (who is a pisces) stole 50 dollars from me, I found out because I pulled the 7 of swords AGAIN and when I checked my purse my money was gone, my mom had spent it. If I listened to the warning and understood what it was saying weeks prior, i could have hidden my money and changed my reality. Soo here's my offical answer:

Tarot spontaneously gives glimpses into the future based on what you are doing now.

But for the most part, you can use tarot to reflect subconcious beliefs, what state you're in, what message you need to hear, etc it's best used as a tool to reflect your intenral world back to you because remmeber, the best way to predict the future is to create it

Using tarot to help you in the present is how most readers employ tarot cards anyways, but getting stuck in the cycle of trying to figure out what will happen to you is how people get stuck.

#self concept #money manifestation #money mantra #loa #loa tumblr #loa community #affirmations #vaunts & affirmations #vaunting #neville goddard quotes #neville goddard #manifestion #manifesting money #law of assumption #loablr #loassumption #loa challenge #manifestingmindset #pick a card #tarot readings #law of abundance #tarot loa #pac #pac tarot #living in the end #tarot notes #tarot cards #tarot meanings #astro notes #tarot