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#remus lupin x y/n angst
remusluvr · 9 months
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i've got soul but i'm not a soldier | remus lupin
summary: Remus can't stay away from you anymore. You can't either. content: fem reader, p in v, lovey-dovey ness, love confessions, mentions of eating (directed towards Remus, nothing bad though), unprotected sex, unedited note: based off this request
"Where are you going?"
He's laid out on your couch, face turned to the tv until you walk into the room. He looks comfortable and you wish you could change out of your dress into sweatpants and curl up with him. But you can't so you shake the thought off, finishing putting in your earrings.
"Out, Wyatt asked me on a date. We're going to that new restaurant downtown." He sits up on the couch, hands rubbing down the length of his thighs.
"Will you come back tonight?"
"Oh, uh, I'm not sure. You know I don't mind you staying here. Don't feel like you need to leave." He hums in response, eyeing you as you search for your purse and wallet. His arm is thrown around the back of the couch as he watches you in your pretty black dress and pretty shoes. The clacking against the floor warms his soul.
"I don't like Wyatt-"
You roll your eyes. You've already had this conversation - "It doesn't matter if you like Wyatt, Remus. I like him." and "Well, it should matter what your best friend thinks."
"-Why can't you just stay with me? Quality friend bonding. We can even watch that stupid movie you like."
"Hard offer to decline but I'm already running a little late so we'll have to put a pin in this conversation." Walking over to him, he leans his head back on the couch. You lean down and kiss his forehead, leaving a bit of your lipstick on the skin. Your thumb rubs it away. "I'll see you later."
And with that, you leave. It used to be easier to get you to cancel dates and stay with him the whole night. You used to jump at the opportunity but now it's like you're jumping away from him. Maybe you are, maybe you're tired of liking him as more than friends should like the other so you're putting a stop to it.
He's left all alone on your couch. Secretly, he hopes your date crashes and burns.
You laugh all the way through dinner and practically plan your second date right then and there. He's just the type of guy you like. Handsome, intelligent, tall, sweet.
And at the end of the night, Wyatt walks you to the door, kisses you on the cheek, and tells you he'll call. Remus sees this from his position on the balcony, cigarette held idly between his fingers. He also sees the way you deflate after he walks away. Was it not a good date? Did Wyatt treat you badly?
"Have fun?" he asks, walking back in through the screen door. You startle, clutching at your chest as you mess with the buckle on your shoes.
"I did. We had a good time."
Remus wants to scream. He wants to be the one taking you on a date so badly. Everything inside of him yells at him to grow a pair, to finally bite the bullet. But, he can't bring himself to risk your friendship. You mean too much to him.
His heart is weighed down. The last thing he wants is for you to get into a relationship. It'll ruin everything. He won't be able to stay over as much, won't be able to hold you when you're having a bad day, won't be able to do any of the things he loves doing with you.
Wyatt's good for you, he'll make you happy. It's what you keep telling yourself in your head. You hate that you can't get Remus out of your head.
Remus feels erratic like he's clutching at straws with you, trying to get you to like him back. And you feel crazy for even thinking of him as more than a friend. You feel like a bad friend.
"Do you need help with those?" he laughs, watching the way you're still struggling to get the clasp of your shoe undone. Laughing, you kick your foot out towards him and he joins you on the floor. His nimble fingers are a much better fit for the job than your shaky ones. His hands rub your foot before working on the other one.
How are you supposed to not love him?
You thank him with a kiss on the cheek. He swoons, making you giggle at him.
"You look very pretty," he whispers, helping you stand up. Your face grows hot at his compliment as you wave him off, trekking back to your bedroom to change into your pajamas and wash your face for the night. He follows you. "I mean it. Wyatt's a lucky guy."
You don't say anything as you get ready for bed. He loves this time of the night, loves how comfortable you feel with him. And he especially loves the way he can pretend you're his. The moment is so domestic that it makes him feel dizzy and when you crawl onto the bed beside him, he digs himself deeper into his hole.
"Did you eat?" you ask, getting comfortable under your blankets. He shakes his head and you scold him, "Remus. You need food. You're always such a grouch when you don't eat."
"I am not the grouch when I don't eat. You are," he bites back, fingers poking at your side. You take offense, sitting up to look at him better.
"Why must you be so mean to me?" you tease, fake-crying so he'll feel bad. It works as it always does, and he cradles you into his arms, hand stroking your hair.
He knows you're faking, anyone in their right mind would know you're faking but it gives him an excuse to touch you. And you like the way he gets so protective over you. Nothing could ever affect you in this moment. His heart twists and his mouth moves faster than he can think.
"I'm glad we know each other."
"You're such a sap," you giggle, pulling your face away from his chest.
"Only for you." His tongue darts out, wetting his lips as you settle yourself into his neck. Your breath tickles him but he doesn't mind. The moment is so delicate he's afraid any movement could shatter it. "I feel like I'm losing you."
"Why? Because I went on a date?"
"Kinda, Wyatt's going to take you from me. But, also just cause I feel like you have been acting differently toward me."
Remus is right. You have been acting sort of differently. You don't reach out to him much, he's usually the one that just shows up on your doorstep.
"I'm sorry, I don't mean to." You do mean to. It's easier to get over your feelings for someone if you have less contact with them. Maybe it doesn't exactly work if when you are with that person you act like this. All cuddly and wanting for him.
Wyatt was supposed to be a new start. He was a boy that actually liked you and that wanted to be with you. He was kind and loved to hear you ramble. He was respectful and handsome. You should like Wyatt, but you can't get Remus out of your head. You never have been and you never will, you fear.
"(Y/N)?" he asks after you've grown quiet for longer than usual. You hum. He tries to calm the shake in his body. "Please don't see him again."
"What?" you ask, sitting up, still in his lap.
"Please don't go on another date with him." He knows he sounds pathetic, begging for you, but he can't help it.
"Remus, why?" His hair is messy and he looks adorable.
"I can't see you with him. You shouldn't be with him. He's not right for you and I think you know that." You do know that. He swallows his fear as he continues on, "It's not fair that I can't have you. You mean everything to me and I can't see you with him. It hurts too much."
You're silent and his brain is screaming at him. His face is on fire as you look at him. He's an idiot. Why did he say anything? His throat burns with the threat of incoming tears and he swallows hard, pushing them away.
"I won't see him again." The look on his face melts you. It's one of confusion mixed with relief. You lean forward to ease his confusion, pressing your lips to his. He takes you willingly, hands holding your face. You whine when he pulls away first, chasing after his lips as he catches his breath.
You have a stupid smile on your face. He mirrors your expression as his head tips back against your headboard.
"You look pretty," you whisper, kissing at the exposed skin of his neck. His hands have a firm grip on your hips. You smile against his skin when he whimpers at your nibbling. "So, so pretty."
"Y-you should look at yourself," he whispers back, eyes shut as you kiss behind his ear. He can't believe his luck. He has the girl he's wanted since school in his lap, calling him pretty and biting at his ear. He must've died and gone to heaven for this to be happening.
"I wish you had said something sooner. Or I wish I had told you. Never would've even thought about another guy."
Yeah, he has to be dead.
"Lily's been nagging me to just tell you. She doesn't like Wyatt either," you mumble, enjoying the way he's so intoxicated on you. He likes your boldness. It doesn't happen often but the rush from your love confessions must have you giddy. You press kisses along his jawline, stopping at his lips. "You mean so much to me, was just scared that you'd freak out and leave me, y'know."
"Yeah, I get that," he sighs, deepening the kiss. His hand holds the back of your head to keep your face to his. It makes you feel shy. You know the perfect way to really kill him but you've never seen Remus in this light before and the knowledge of that strikes you down. He's left to be the bolder one, flipping you over and pressing you against your pillows.
You're panting into his mouth and he's loving every single second of it. He loves to be in control, loves having you yearning for more underneath him. Any composure he thought he had is gone when you pant out, "All I could think about on my date was hoping you were here when I got back."
He moans into your mouth, pulling away to rest his forehead against yours. He's a goner. And despite the fact that he wants to do this right, he can't stop imagining what it would be like to fuck you. He can't though, not yet. He's got one chance and he won't fuck it up.
"You're making this very hard, sweetheart." He knows exactly what he'll do. He'll start with a nice date to a restaurant of your choice, maybe a walk or a drive after to somewhere with a nice view where he will kiss you chastely, and then when you return to either one of your apartments (yours preferably, he's been having a pest problem. the pests being James and Sirius) where he'll fuck you, like a gentleman.
"This?" you ask, voice smooth and sultry as your hand reaches down, palming him over his sweatpants. His plan flies out the window. Your fingers dip into the waistline of his pants, pulling lightly. "Want them off."
"Needy girl," he chastises as though he isn't already on the brink of cumming in his pants. He moves off the bed, removing his pants and boxers before laying back down, allowing you to crawl back over to him, hand wrapping around his cock.
He's definitely died.
You're glad that you don't have any roommates right now with how loud Remus is being. You love it. These are the only sounds you want to hear for the rest of your life. He hates that all the focus is on him.
He reaches out, pulling at the bottom of your shirt. You relent, releasing Remus from your grip to pull your shirt over your head. He sucks in a breath at the lacy bra you're wearing. You must have kept it on after your date.
A tinge of jealousy rushes through his veins at the thought of you wearing it for someone else. It quickly simmers out once he remembers that you're all his now. He smiles, pulling you to sit on his lap again.
"Rem," you sigh when he pulls the cups of your bra down, leaning in to pull one of your nipples between his teeth. He loves the squeak he gets out of you and the way you grind your hips down onto him. "Don't tease me, please."
"You make me so happy." He doesn't know where all this gooeyness is coming from. He's always felt it but the fact that he can say it aloud now has him keening. He watches the flush take over your cheeks as his hands settle on your hips, helping you move against him.
There are a lot of things Remus wants to do to you. He's glad that he has so much time to do them all with you.
It's difficult to focus when you can feel him underneath you. You're so wet that you're sure he'd be able to just slip right inside you, no prep needed. You test your luck, pushing your underwear to the side and guiding him with your hand.
"Oh my fucking god," he whines when you sink down on him. He holds you down, not letting you move. You lean forward, pressing kisses on his face. It's not helping. He needs to cum so bad and the feel of your wet cunt has only increased that feeling by tenfold.
"Let me move, I wanna make you feel good." It takes him a moment but he lets you take the lead, letting his head drop back against the headboard as he watches you. He can never go back to how you were before. He needs this at every moment of every day. "A-ah, you're so big."
"Doing s-such a good job, bunny." That's a new nickname. You like it. You wrap your arms around his neck, burying your face in his neck as you fuck yourself back on him. His hands grip your ass, spreading you open so you can really feel all of him. "So, so perfect for me."
He feels your lips pecking at his neck again and his arms wrap around you, taking complete control as he bounces you down on him. You don't have any time to warn him that you're about to cum before you're cumming. It pushes him right over the edge and he cums inside of you.
"Shit," he groans when he can think again. You're putty in his hands, letting his limp cock rest inside of you, no want to move any time soon. He pushes your face up with a few fingers at your chin. Your eyes are so heavy that they're barely open. He's proud of himself. "I'm sorry, baby."
"What?" you worry, eyes flying open. Did he think this was a mistake? Were you only a fuck to him? You can't go back now, not when you know how good he fucks you.
"I didn't mean to finish inside." Your heart rate returns to normal and you drop back down onto his shoulder, shrugging. You like it. His brain is spinning. His hands rub soothing circles on your back before he's working you off of him, cooing when you hiss at the overstimulation of him pulling out.
"Love you, Rem," you mumble as he helps you get comfortable in bed. He can't resist pressing a kiss to your forehead before reaching over and turning your lamp off.
"Love you too."
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melodramaschild · 1 year
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𝐅𝐔𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐛𝐲 𝐏𝐡𝐨𝐞𝐛𝐞 𝐁𝐫𝐢𝐝𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬
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Navigation || age limit || before reading Funeral, read this
Warnings: DEATH, ANGST, Remus in the first two stages of grieving, Remus talks about leaving this world, one character die in the end too, talking about suicide but nothing in details, some scenes are smutty but nothing explicit, also dxs dynamic bcs it was the request but it’s not for the whole story, use of Y/n and reader’s pronouns she/her
Let me know if I forgot anything
Words count: 6 594
Pairing: Remus Lupin x fem!reader
Relationship: lovie dovie
Read me: If you see any mistakes, please let me know. English isn’t my first, not even second, language and reminding me of some mistakes would help a lot. Also, please reblog.
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I'm singin' at a funeral tomorrow
For a kid a year older than me
。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚
。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚
。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚
Remus went stone cold, almost like a statue when the question reached his ears. He thought that he was hallucinating. He must be. There was no way that anyone could request that from him.
But as he opened and raised his eyes he was met with the faces of your parents. Their faces in agony pleading him to have a speech at your funeral.
It was a request from your parents. It was a request from everyone. Everyone seemed to be deaf, mute and blind when you were brought up as a topic. Everyone pretend like that situation never happened. Everyone immediately changed the topic just to avoid you.
All of them were too struck by that. All of them avoided the real main lead because their hearts were too weak to be standing there for you.
He was just a boy!
How can you ask a kid to be the main lead on another’s kid funeral?!
“But you were her lover, you should be the one who does it!”
But that wasn’t fair!
And Remus wished he didn’t have to do it, because his throat was caught in barbed wire. It’s only been two weeks and he felt like it was only two minutes without you.
And everytime he thought about what he was supposed to do for you, he felt like he was going to die and see you.
But of course he was going to do it. In the name of you and in the name of you.
And I've been talkin' to his dad, it makes me so sad
Your father begged him, the thick mountain of rudeness and shouting and love begging your tall boy to speak. Your father used to scream a lot. He used to fight with you all the time. He always had something to say but something deep inside him died when you left.
It wasn’t fair.
He didn’t have enough time to apologise. He didn’t have enough time to knock on your door and give you your favourite ice-cream. He didn’t have enough time to hug you for the last time and tell you how much he loved you.
Time was a cruel wizard in this world.
Time was a disease.
Time took you away from him like you belong to death since you were born.
Time gave him his punishment to live in blaming himself. Time was a disease.
Time was a killer.
When the funeral speech was mentioned, your father was lost of words.
Like his ability to form words went lost with your life too.
It broke Remus’ heart to see your father on his knees and grasping onto him and begging him over and over again to speak for you, to be his voice he lost.
That night was the first night your father cried that much, it was the first night that Remus held your father in his arms while he sobbed too.
Your father hasn't spoken since then.
Your father hasn’t smiled since that. He wasn’t speaking with anyone. Not even with your cat. Nothing, just a deadly silence because what was the point of words if they couldn’t reach you?
When I think too much about it, I can't breathe
Remus was choking on his sobs, the endless loop of memories with you haunted him. Endless fake scenarios with you haunted him. Endless imagining that you were still in his arms haunted him.
Every time he woke up, he swore that for the first five minutes, you were on your side of the bed, still bundled up beneath the duvet and smiling at his sleepy, groggy face. He still could feel your hand reaching out and ruffling his sandy hair.
He still could feel the warmth from your body, he still could smell your scent and hear your soft breaths. He still felt your warmth breathing trashing on his skin.
He still felt your skin underneath his fingers and the visible lines of your tattoos. God, he loved your tattoos. He loved how your eyes got all shiny and sparkly when you gasped out “I’m going to get this as my next tattoo!” on a random evening on a random day. He loved when you asked for help where to put it because it always ended up with him kissing that spot.
And right next to that. And a little bit on the left too. And all over the spot and all over around until you were whimpering under him and begging him for more than kisses.
How he held your hand as you jumped around him and how you excitedly bambled about the tattoo. You were like a kid that was promised a sweet treat and he loved how lovely and passionated you always got before your tattoos.
“So see you in two hours?” Remus smirked down at you, pulling you closer for a quick peck on your sweet cheek. “Yeah, yeah, of course!” You were already somewhere else with your mind. “Hey,” Remus pulled you closer again. “Look at me.” he softly said, cupping your cheeks in his warm palms. Your eyes locked with his, he was warm and felt welcoming and… patient.
“Have fun there, don’t forget to take breaks if you need them and say hi to Rafi from me.” he pecked your forehead once again. He earned a soft laugh from you and your hug. “Don’t worry, I will, I will, lover boy.” you assured him. “And you!” you poked his chest while you looked up. “You will be careful on your leg and you will tell boys not to run around with you or I will beat them.”
Remus laughed, “Of course, you will.”
“Please,” you brushed your hand slightly over his hip, just where he was damaged the most. “Be careful, Lupin.” With a raised eyebrow in a warning manner, your hand moved to his, to his scarred hand on the support cane, squeezing a bit, just to let him know that you’re deadly serious about your statement.
“Of course I will, darling love.” he reassured you and wriggled with his hips a bit, proving to you that he was still able to act like a teenager.
“You went to get a tattoo without me?! Such a betray!” Sirius gasped when you showed them your new sternum tattoo. Remus only proudly smirked at all of them, his smirk telling, maybe even screaming “That’s my brave sexy girl.”
Sirius dramatically threw his hand on his forehead and pretended to faint while falling down onto Peter’s open arms.
“Well maybe if you weren’t such a pussy.” You teased with a chuckle and sat down on the side of the armchair where Remus was smirking from.
Sometimes he hated how you refused to sit in his lap since that injury. But both of you knew that it would hurt him. And yet, he loved how you automatically and immediately knew not to sit in his lap anymore because it would hurt.
Sometimes he even felt guilty for that injury. He just wanted to have you in his lap for one more time.
But he got paid off when one of your legs tangled between his spreaded thighs. And how he could place his hand on your inner thigh and comfortingly stroke your skin over there and how he could lay down his head onto your plush soft thigh and how you played with his hair while your other arm was wrapped around his shoulder.
He felt a bit spoiled by your touch like that. And he was loving every second of it.
He missed your kisses. Your soft lips leaving coloured kisses on his injured hip, right around and on his scar that was lingering across his hip.
He missed how you always looked up at him and started planting even more kisses.
“I will never wash my hip.” He joked one summer night. “That’s disgusting.” You mumbled onto his skin. “But I approve of that.” You carefully laid your head on his naked hip, right on your kisses. You looked at him with your sweet and honest smile, there was a pure admiration in your eyes.
And in his mind he created a plan of getting one of your dark red kisses tattooed just right there. Something like your personal signature.
But all of it was just memories and fake scenarios. None of it was real anymore.
Just an endless loop of memories with you that haunted him. Endless fake scenarios with you haunted him. Endless imagining that you were still in his arms haunted him.
And I have this dream where I'm screamin' underwater
While my friends are wavin' from the shore
They dressed in white sheets and ran into his dreams every bloody night just to remind him that you were not there anymore. Just to remind him what a goner he was without his girl.
That now you were a ghost too.
He hoped that you’d come back and you’d be ghosting in his house. Maybe move with his things and make a whole chaos in an apartment that was once his and yours.
God, he even thought about it. You being a ghost. After that he let the dust settle on the floor, on his bed, on every surface in that apartment so he could see your tracks as you walked by.
But it never happened. No tracks from you and the more dust collected, the more he was losing his hope.
But hope was a danger thing for a man like him to have, and he had it.
And I don't need you to tell me what that means
I don't believe in that stuff anymore
But it was just a dream, afterall. You weren’t coming back. Not any time soon or later. You left forever and he was still there. Dust collected on his sandy hair, in his apartment, in his bed. Just right where you left him and he was naively hoping that you would open the door and come back into bed and lean to his warm chest again like nothing happened.
Like you always used to after a long day. Maybe you would give him wild flowers again, maybe you would kiss his collarbone again.
Maybe he would feel you again.
But he was just a naive boy and you were just a dead girl and now he was haunted by memories of a girl who believed that all dreams had meanings and that kept him up at night.
“That’s such a silly dream.” he chuckled and swayed his head to move his locks away from his eyes. You laughed at him and tracked your fingers over his scar on his chest, your chest rapidly rising and falling as you laughed.
“You’re silly,” you said, moving your hand to his soft hair, twirling them between your tender fingers. His hands moved to your hip, pulling you closer to his chest under the duvet. “I’m silly?” He raised his eyebrow at you, immediately regretting that as a new wound stinked there. “Well, you say that.” you shrugged and placed a tiny kiss to the tip of his nose, giving him a little trade for the pain in his eyebrow. Remus smiled, his ears turning red just like everytime you kissed him.
“Come ‘ere.” you said and pulled you closer, his lips finally meeting yours.
Jesus Christ, I'm so blue all the time
And that's just how I feel
God, he wished he could come back to that morning and kiss you more and longer and hold you so tightly that you would become a one person.
Always have and I always will
I always have and always will
Is it ever gonna get better?
I have a friend I call
When I've bored myself to tears
And we talk until we think we might just kill ourselves
“…and do you remember when you didn’t see each other for weeks and then she ran to you, tripped over and literally splashed all over the pavement.” Sirius took the bottle of fire whiskey from a very drunk Remus, both of them were laughing so hard that they moved from the sofa to the wooden floor.
“Indeed, I do remember that, what a memory to cherish.” Remus was laughing, but his smile quickly faded away. Sirius noticed, he quickly swallowed the shot of fire whiskey and waited for his friend’s next move.
He knew better than to push, especially on Remus.
Remus played that memory of you and you falling over and over again in his head. How you were laughing at yourself and then crying in his arms because you missed him so much. And how he walked you to the emergency room because your palms were too bloody for his liking. And how he had to sit with you on the hospital bed because you were too scared to be on your own. And how he let you bite into his own palm to ease your fear and pain.
“Mate…” his voice broke at the end, tears swelled in his eyes trying not to break the barriers. “I can’t be here without her.” he whispered, too scared that if he spoke out loud that ghost of his could hear him and visit him again and stay for a longer time.
“No, don’t say that, please.” Sirius whispered, his face dropping down and tears bringing into his own eyes way too quickly.
“You don’t understand.” Remus’ face twisted in abnormal pain, in agony. “I miss her. I miss her so much that I can’t breathe.” he choked on a sob and Sirius crawled to him. Remus brought his knees to his chest and hid his face in them, uncontrollably bawling his eyes out and choking on sobs that left him.
“Hey, hey, Remus,” Sirius said, firmly. He pried Remus’ head from his knees and was met with a boy who was covered in tears and saliva, his lips trembling and he was sure that Remus doesn’t look like a mess for the first time.
“I don’t want to be here anymore without her. I miss her. So, so, so much.” Remus dug his nails into his trousers and his breath kept hitching. Almost like he was fighting with himself to keep breathing or give up.
“I just… my heart is aching and longing for her.” His tears ran down his face. “I miss her, I’m so hungry for her presence and now she’s gone and now I’m starving to death.”
Sirius only kept looking into his eyes, into his that looked like a flood in the forest. And that’s when he caught a glimpse of you, a tiny dancer in the reflection of his eyes.
“I miss my girl, I miss my lover so much that I would rather experience a full moon everyday if that meant that she would be back in my arms.” his breathing was heavy, every breath was hurting him, every breath was a suffering for him, every breath was just a ridicule that he was still alive.
Every breath he took reminded him of how long you were gone. How long he was there without you.
“What am I supposed to do without her? I just want to leave this world so I can hold my girl once again. I loved her more than anything.”
And that night Sirius didn’t leave his side. For the rest of the night none of them was talking. Sirius stayed by his side all night long, he knew that Remus was a man of his words and he didn’t want to lose another friend.
He knew that Remus would do it.
And he didn’t leave days after that. He shifted into Padfoot when he saw that Remus was too overwhelmed by another human being, he made sure that Remus ate. He also washed the vomit from the floor when Remus’ body screamed at him that it can't cry anymore.
And he also made sure that he, as himself, will neve get, even one centimeter, close to your side of the bed. Remus was letting that side ruffled, just like you left it. And Remus made sure that he never rolled over to your side. Sirius was sure that Remus was in a denial. Remus still naively believed that you would come back and scold him for not tidying the bed sheets or for not letting in the fresh air. But you never did.
And Sirius understood.
Although he wasn’t sure how long the denial stage was supposed to be, he understood.
Of course that Remus would be in denial for at least a little while, what about the plans you made?
But then we laugh until it disappears
There was no laughing after that.
For a very, very long time. Jokes just stopped being funny since he couldn’t share them with you.
Once upon a time you were his everything and he told you everything so what was the point of even… damn, what was the point of being if it was without you?
And last night I blacked out in my car
And I woke up in my childhood bed
It was a very hard and long night. He drove from London to Yorkshire. He drove the whole night. He needed to get away from the apartment.
He needed to get away from your ghost. He needed to get away From memories of you.
Everything was reminding him of you. The way your bed side was still ruffled. The way your makeup was still messed up in front of the mirror. The way your book was still broken open and waiting for you to continue reading another words.
The way the dust kept collecting and you weren’t still there. The way his memories became ghosts every night again and again and the way that every memory turned into the hour he had to identify your body on the iron cold table of the morgue.
The way he looked at you, your body, but he saw nothing.
It was you on the cold table, it was literally you. But… not you.
He needed to run away.
And that’s how he found himself in Yorkshire, on a drive in front of his parents’ house. In front of his childhood house. It was late at night and he couldn’t bring himself to do anything. So he just stayed there, sitting in the car until a darkness swallowed him whole.
And after that, he was the happiest person again. Suddenly he was back with you. He was back in that night where you both decided to do something sweet and silly again.
“Just… Just make sure you won’t have to bend for anything, princess.” he chuckled as he helped you to twirl in your silky dress. Your fingers held onto his as you turned around, looking at yourself in the mirror. You bursted into a giggle and faced him, your hands coming down to rest on his chest. “I look that much good?” You looked up at him and his rosy scarred cheeks. His hand wandered on your body, from your hip to your shoulder and then cupped your sweet cheek.
“Good?” He raised his eyebrow at you. He sat down on the bed behind his back with the help of his cane and his hands dropped back to your hips, pulling you closer a bit. “My pretty girl,” he whispered so quietly that you almost missed it. “You look absolutely ravish. I’m pretty sure that my heart stopped beating the first time I saw you in this dress.” he halfway joked and brought you into a warm smile again.
“My beautiful, beautiful Y/n/n.” he whispered and tucked his head into your stomach pudge, leaving a soft kiss there. “My beautiful, beautiful Remmy.” you repeated his words to him and buried your fingers into his hair, scratching his scalp as he hummed in comfort.
And he truly was pretty. The black suit with black shirt adored his lanky body. He looked beautiful in every suit, especially in his working ones. But they were all comfy and brown and warm colours, but this all black one? It was something new that you craved to explore.
He placed another kiss on your tummy, saying thank you in his own way.
“My beautiful, beautiful princess,” he looked up, something switched in his eyes, a smirk playing across his voice as he stood up with the support of your body and his lanky fingers wrapping around the head of his cane.
With a new cane. Sirius customised this one especially for him and this special occasion. Tall enough for his comfort, with the most black and elegant wood in wizarding and muggle world. A silver coloured wolf adored the front to match your dress. There was also a New Moon burned into the wood, portraying his favourite and the most safe phrase of the moon.
You knew what was up when he called you a princess. “Don’t bend in this pretty dress.” He looked down at you, holding your chin between his fingers as your eyes stayed on his. Mischievous sparkles flashing in your eyes as you bit your lip.
“Or what?” you pushed, raising your eyebrow at him and his stupid smirk. “Well,” he pretended to think. “Then you’ll make lots of people happy, but…” his hands roamed down your body, stopping at the flesh of your bottom. He squeezed your butt slightly, making you jump towards his chest once more.
“I’m just a selfish man and I want you to only make me happy tonight.” his voice faded into a whisper that was getting lost against your coloured lips. He left the tiniest kiss on your lips. “Mhm, such a selfish man.” you chuckled and left a dark red kiss mark on his rosy cheeks.
“You’re so pretty, pretty boy.” you whispered and wrapped your arms around him.
Remus was truly the most adorable man. He wasn’t scared of getting blushed and taken aback by your flirty persona when he was supposed to be the one in a charge. He loved when you saw what impact you had on him. He loved when you knew how much lovesick he was for you.
Soft jazz playing through the big ball room, oh so softly that it almost made you fall asleep on Sirius’ shoulder. “Hey,” he poked your side and a sleepily grumbled. Sirius chuckled, swallowed down his champagne and it tickled in your throat. “Don’t sleep on me like that.” He nudged your side with his elbow and you rolled your eyes. “You’re irreplaceably chatty today.” you sarcastically pointed out, your eyes wandering around the room, around all those people who were dressed in the most prettiest dress.
“Well so are you, sleeping lady.” Sirius chuckled. Your smile made its own way to your pretty face, sleep quickly disappeared from your hazy mind.
“Did you see Remmy somewhere?” You asked Sirius, stepping from one foot to another as your eyes scanned the room. “Well,” Sirius poured himself another glass of champagne. “If I were you, I definitely wouldn’t be looking towards a bar where Remus is with Dorcas.” Sirius was a bit suspicious that this might be some power imbalance game tonight, and your vicious grin only confirmed that.
You looked in that direction and saw your handsome Remus with breathtaking Dorcas.
Remus was probably showing her his new cane because he was wiggling and turning it all around and Dorcas kept nodding her head in approval.
Her dark skin was covered in a golden gleam, matching those golden gems in her locks. She even used a gold lip gloss on her lips. She looked like a goddess.
Dorcas was always gorgeous, always pretty and… breathtaking. And you made sure that she always knew about it. You always made sure that your friends knew about how pretty they were.
Dorcas’ eyes locked with yours and she sent you the brightness smile and wave and you paid her back with the same.
Then your eyes locked with Remus’, an amused smirk played on his face and you knew. “Siri,” you placed your hand on his shoulder and moved your body in front of him. Sirius kept his eyes on you, carefully. He raised his eyebrow at you, daring you to continue. “Do you want to be my partner in crime?” you asked him, your eyes still locked with Remus who was turning his gaze back at you every other second.
“I thought that I already am.” he scoffed, sounding a bit offended and to add to it, he even pouted at you.
You giggled and placed your hand on his bicep, squeezing the flesh underneath your palm a bit. “Is that a yes?”
“Definitely yes.” A devilish smirk spread over his face.
“Drop your hanky.” you nodded towards his breast pocket square. Sirius without a blink took his tissue, looking straight forward to Remus, making sure that he was watching both of you.
Sirius held the tissue right in front of him, his eyes burning into Remus.
You turned around once more to tease Remus Lupin with your eyes once more.
Then both of you had Remus’ full attention, his hazel warm eyes carefully observing both of you. Remus wasn’t dumb, he knew exactly what you both were up to. Sirius blew him a light kiss, earning an eye roll from the lanky boy.
He took a deep breath in, giving an amused smile as he gave you ‘Go ahead, princess, see what happens.’ look from across the room full of people.
And you nodded toward Sirius and he, without even a single blink and dropped his tissue on the marble floor. His fingers curled around your forearm, supporting you so you wouldn’t fall down.
You bend down way more than was necessary. And the fact that it was a sleek dress, green sleek dress, Remus’ favourite colour and Remus’ favourite butt, wasn’t really helping.
Remus choked on his saliva and started coughing, making Dorcas worry. Apparently your bum looked way better under this fancy lighting in this fancy large room.
Dorcas wanted to pat his back but then she noticed his gaze and understood. With a small giggle leaving her throat she sipped on her cocktail, admiring the same view as Remus’ had, respectfully.
“You’re in big trouble, young lady.” Sirius remarked as you raised yourself, your second hand sliding down over your back to the curve of your bum. “Definitely worthy.” you hummed and turned around, just to be met with Remus who was almost sprinting to you.
“Whops, a big scary wolf is about to eat you.”
Sirius sassed.
“Well, I hope so.”
“Merlin, Y/n!” Sirius gasped when he realised what you meant by that.
“A big trouble?” You laughed against his lips as he fell into a bed with him above you. “Mhm,” Remus hummed, his lips ghosting over your neck and his hot breath ghosting over your skin, giving you soft goosebumps.
“A big, big, big trouble for a little princess.” He raised his eyes to stare into your eyes but he couldn’t help but hurt into a laugh with you. His hand found yours and he intertwined his long fingers with yours, locking them firmly in place.
His laughter reasoned through his chest and his head fell onto your naked breasts, his loosen curls were soft on your skin and you brought your hand to brush through them.
“What are you going to do with me then?” You tugged on his hair and raised his head closer to you. He went with your tug, until his lips ghosted above yours. Oh so close, yet so far.
You could feel the softness of his lips on yours. How they were there for a second and then gone.
And it felt so twisted because everytime he closed his eyes, you were there with him and everytime he opened them, you were gone.
“I’m goin’ to make remember that you belong to me,” he breathed out against your lips. He connected your lips with yours. Kissing you all over your lip. Kissing you hungrily, kissing you passionately and kissing you desperately. “Only to me.” He brought your hands above your head and pinned them into the soft pillow. His clothed crotch started to slowly rocking into your core that was covered with your underwear, sending electrical shivers through your veins. “And I belong to you.”
Before anything could be heated, his eyes flew open. Heart picking up its heartbeat like he just ran a marathon. There was also a dull pain in his head. More likely in his brain like if memories were trying to jump from his brain to set him free from the endless spiral of remembering you.
“Remmy?” some woman’s voice called. There was a very thick Welsh accent in her gentle, caring and quiet voice.
He knew this voice, that was the voice who sang to him every time he was struggling with himself, every time his body was too weak to carry itself after a Full Moon since he was a kid.
“Mam?” He called out, very confused and as if this wasn’t true and he was just becoming a truly loony Lupin.
“Hi there, lovebug.” Hope carefully leaned against the doorframe as she was observing over her son who looked devastated. Hair messy, aggressive eye bags under his pretty eyes and his face looked like a crumpled paper. There was even a spit drooling from his mouth. She was pretty sure that this was the closest she saw him that devastated after his attack when he was just a kid.
Hope carefully creeped closer and closer, so carefully that you could hear a pin drop. She sat next to him on the bed. On the same bed sheets which you were tucked in once. After you left, she knew better than to change them.
“It still smells like her,” Remus whispered like he knew what his mother thought about. He grasped on the flowery duvet that you once gifted him. His breathing became shallow, the crippling agony running over his body once again. Memories crossing his mind again and realising hitting him like it’s the first time he saw your lifeless body.
“It still smells- smells like her,” A hiccup escaped him as he choked on a sob and on the painful lump inside his throat. “but she’s-she’s gone.” He cried out and Hope didn’t wait for anything and hugged his son, pulling him closer to her until she felt like she could protect him again.
But everything was just a naive feeling because she was never able to protect him, only to be there for him. And sometimes that’s enough.
Remus uncontrollably wailed into her shoulder, his whole body heavy with tears and grief.
He wished he could stop this pain, this feeling that was surrounding him. This feeling that felt like a wild water swallowing him whole, like the bottom of the ocean was calling for him. He felt like he was paralysed in this endless loop of agony.
If Remus was able to feel, he would feel his father's strong arms wrapping around his back and reassuring him. But the agony was stronger than his parents and all he was able to do was to cry until he passed out in his parents’ arms.
Wishin' I was someone else, feelin' sorry for myself
When I remembered someone's kid is dead
Remus shifted in his seat. The armchair was way too uncomfortable, the air felt too heavy and his jumper felt too itchy.
Remus’ chest felt too heavy, maybe like there was a heavy stone on him. He wished he could tell you about it so you would rub slow circles over his chest and place a soft kiss while you would silently ask “Better, darling?”.
He wished he was gone. Maybe someone else too so he wouldn’t have to sit there. Maybe someone who lived in Scotland took care of the lighthouse and baked cinnamon rolls just for their pleasure.
But unfortunately this wasn’t happening. There was still a heavy stone on his chest and instead of looking at you he had to look at your parents.
Your father was looking somewhere on the carpet, hands clasped together and his face was washed with… guilt. Remus swore that this man aged 20 years in 2 weeks.
Deep dark eye bags under his empty eyes, wrinkles all over his face more than usually. Remus' stomach twisted in negative emotions that he wasn’t able to describe. He felt he was going to throw up, cry, scream or maybe even faint.
“Carry to help me with tea, Remus?” Your mother asked as she sensed the tense in the air. Remus quickly stood up, accidentally bumping into the coffee table. Your father didn’t even say anything to that like he always used to.
Remus quickly disappeared in the kitchen with your mother. He leaned against the kitchen counter and nervously played with his thumbs. He felt he should have said something. Maybe ask how they were doing but he felt he was going to know the answer.
Hell, how are the dead child’s parents doing?
Remus felt stupid. You were his girlfriend but hell… you were their child. Someone they created, someone they watched grow. Someone who they held when she had smallpox. Someone who they taught how to walk, talk, write, listen… how to be kind.
Remus eyed the photos of you on the wall in front of him. Watching you from kid to adult. Watching how small tiny little Y/n/n sat in the sink because the bathtub broke and she ate soap foam.
He knew the story because you told him that when you bathed Padfoot because his dog form needed it. He took a picture of you two and now it was on his own wall in the kitchen.
Remus suddenly felt like he meant nothing to you because he wasn’t that long in your life and he felt like he gave you nothing.
“Are you alright?” Your mother turned to face him. “You look like you just saw a ghost.”
Something like that, very close.
“Just feel a bit nauseous.” Remus admitted with a polite smile. Your mother smiled back. “So a black tea for you then.” she said and Remus nodded his head in agreement.
Fuck, this shit was so fucked up.
Jesus Christ, I'm so blue all the time
And that's just how I feel
Remus stayed in denial. I don’t think he ever left the denial or that he ever will. Being stuck in denial was the only opportunity to picture you. To see you. To talk to you.
Being in denial gave him the hope that maybe he’ll see you in his dreams. Will you be a ghost under the white sheet again? Will you be in his arms? Will all those heartwarming memories play again in his head?
He never knew, and the lust for knowing that and wanting to see you was the only thing that kept him alive.
Always have and I always will
I always have and always will
It’s been months since you died and he still didn’t make your side of the bed. The makeup kept being messed up in front of the mirror. The book was still laid on your nightstand table.
Sirius kept watching over him. He kept daily visiting his apartment. Sirius proved that he in reality is loyal as a dog.
He swept the floor, washed the dishes and even learned how to cook just for Remus. The food always ended up untouched until Sirius fed him like a toddler. He never dared to clean your things from the last day you were alive, he never dared to walk over your side of the bed.
“C’mon big boy, it's time to take a bath.” Sirius urged as he grabbed Remus like he weighed nothing from his bed. Remus only groaned and let his body sway.
Sirius carefully untangled knots in Remus’ suddenly longer hair. He even brought some of his products.
“Can you,” Remus spoke for the first time in a few days. “Yeah?” Sirius hummed. “Can you please use that when you wash my hair?” He asked and pointed at your shampoo and conditioner. Sirius felt the sadness washing over him. “Yeah, of course we can.” he agreed afterall. “We can use more of that stuff if you want.” He carefully talked on that topic. Suddenly it wasn’t your stuff but it was that stuff. Remus felt like if he ever pronounced your name again, he would break down.
He knew that he would be able to tell your name again one day. But not today.
Sirius washed Remus’ hair with your shampoo and conditioner. He used one of your hair masks too. Then Remus sat dressed in your bathrobe in front of the big mirror as Sirius did his skincare with your products. He trimmed his eyebrows while Remus kept threatening him with “Ow, stop that you, twat!” and Sirius kept laughing.
When he plucked one of his long hairs, Remus firmly grasped his wrist. “I’m not being funny, stop with that.”
“Yeah right.” Sirius laughed and plucked that hair out, enjoying Remus’ painfully twisted face.
Sirius didn’t say anything about it that day but he was really happy that he made Remus smile. Just for a bit. It was really pleasant to hear that boy laugh again.
And it's 4 AM again
And Remus felt he was going to become some crazy person. Like he was going to lose his mind. He felt like he was in some sick nightmare.
Writing another funeral speech?
He was losing his mind.
And I'm doin' nothing
Again
Remus was stuck in denial for almost five years. He never stopped imagining you or talking to you. After five years he took polaroid pictures of your toilet table and of your messy makeup accessories. He took a picture of your book that was cracked open in the armchair. He took a picture of everything that you left behind.
He carefully took everything in his hands, scared that it all might turn into dust and placed everything into a paper box. He will get you a proper box soon. Maybe some wooden one with pretty satin fabric in it. But for now, he kept safe and close to him.
Your father died four months after you.
Police inspectors said that it was a car accident but Remus and your mother knew better.
No one was blaming him. They both wanted to do the same and both of them hugged each other with “Hope that he’s saying our hellos to her up there.”
Your mother sold that house where you grew up and moved closer to the Aegean sea. The sun really helped her with her grieving and the people and cats she met in Greece too.
She kept in touch with Marauders for the rest of her life and Harry never called her by a different name than “Sea granma.” always missing the d letter.
Yet, her heart still ached when she saw Remus wandering around her house and stopping to look at the pictures of you and your father.
But that was okay, sometimes time wasn’t the only one who was cruel, sometimes life was cruel too and all what they had to do was to accept it.
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strawberrysodaslut · 2 years
Note
Hiiii, can I request sub reader asking Dom Remus ( it can be poly marauders too) how it is to be a Dom
Love your blog and the way you write
Thanks 💕💕
What’s it like? - Remus Lupin x GN!Reader
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[ remus lupin masterlist ]
[ main masterlist ]
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summary: you want to know what it’s like to be a dom, who better to ask than your boyfriend, Remus
warnings: sexual themes, 18+ mdni, dom!remus, sub!reader, im pretty sure i didn’t mention readers gender, indications of sex afterwards but no smut scene.
a/n: hi! thank you so much for your kind words! i didn’t know much about what it’s like being a dom and i didn’t wanna just guess so i did a little research. It’s quite a short little blurb but I hope it does your request justice <3
taglist: @mischieftom
join taglist
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You used to hate rainy days. Although you loved rainy nights, often being soothed to sleep by the sounds of the wet raindrops hitting the windows, rainy days were not for you.
That was until you met Remus.
He was a warm person, not just in his personality, but he was a literal space heater. You’d spend the majority of the rainy day cuddled up in his arms, enjoying the peaceful sounds of the rain.
That’s where you were right now, as the question popped into your head.
“Remmy?” You say. He hums, brushing his hands through your hair, softly playing with it. “Can I ask you a question?” You ask.
He presses a kiss to your temple, “Of course, baby,”
You sigh, the slight anxiety and awkwardness of your question washing away with his kind touches, “What’s it like being a dom? Like, what do you like about it?”
You can feel his smile behind you, he huffs a laugh, “Why’d you ask?” He asks, quickly tensing up, “Are you not comfortable with it?”
His question has you quickly shaking your head, “No, no, I love it. I just wanted to know what it’s like.” You say, rubbing the arm that’s wrapped around you to soothe him.
He relaxes in your touch, giving a big sigh. “It’s- uh…” he chuckles, “there’s a couple of things I guess…”
You hum, “So tell me all of them- unless you’re not comfortable.” You say, reassuring him that this is a safe place.
He sighs, “I’m completely comfortable talking about this stuff you love,” He presses a kiss to your cheek “Just wanted to make sure you’re okay with hearing my rambles.”
“Always” You reply.
He takes a big sigh, “I guess, the main reason why I like it, you know how i’m a bit of a control freak, yeah?” You laugh, knowing exactly what he’s talking about.
“Yeah you do. Well, I feel like I don’t have that much control in my life, y’know, with the whole wolf thing.” You can feel him start to tense, so you make sure to press a kiss to his arm.
He continues, “Its just nice to have that control, to be able to make decisions when a lot of the ones for my life have been taken away.” He sighs, his arms getting a bit tighter around you, trying to pull you closer.
“But also…” He continues, “it’s about trust, seeing how you trust me with anything, trusting me to stop if you’re not comfortable, letting me have that control- it’s hot as fuck.”
You giggle, “Yeah?” you say, teasing your boyfriend.
He nods, “And seeing how needy you get.” He blows a breath, “begging for me to touch you, writhing when I do, going into a whole damn subspace because of how good I fuck you- it feels fucking incredible.”
You smile, and he turns you around to face him. “Does that make sense?” He asks.
You nod, “Yeah, I feel like the idea is still so daunting though.”
He laughs, pulling your chest into his, pressing his forhead against yours. “It does get like that sometimes. Sometimes I feel like a fucking idiot trying to get you to do all these things.”
You furrow your brows, pressing a kiss to his cheek. Why would he feel like an idiot?
“But, when I see how you respond, how happy you are to do all of this shit, I know I’m in the right place, and I can go loose around you.” He says, planting a chaste kiss on your lips, “You make me feel safe.” He says.
You grip the neckline of his sweatshirt, pulling him into a long kiss. He immediately reciprocates, carding your hands though his hair. The two of you sit there for a bit, lazily making out with eachother.
He pulls back, “Should we have a demonstration?” He asks, bumping his nose into yours.
You nod, giggling as he picks you up and carried you to his dorm.
With Remus, rainy days are your favourite.
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wolfmoonmusic · 11 months
Text
Misunderstandings
Summary: Sirius is yours and you are his. But do you both know that?
Request: Sirius and reader have a kind of an off and on flirtation/situationship thing going and he sees her going on a "date" with Frank Longbottom (personally I had headcanon that Frank was the fifth boy in the dorm along with the Marauders) in reality she's went on a pretend date to help Frank get ready for the real date he's taking her best friend Alice on and so Sirius gets jealous and wants to make things official before he loses her to someone else a little bit of angst with happy ending you know
Requested by: @jessiegerl
Pairing: Sirius Black x reader
Warnings: Readers parents hate her and well we all know how Sirius's Parents are.
w/c: 2.8k+
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<3
Sirius Black was not used to affection.
It was foreign to him. He never received praise, compliments, or anything positive. Ever.
So when the acquaintances he’d made on the hogwart’s express clapped him on the back after getting into Gryffindor, he didn’t know how to react other than to flinch.
And when you, introduced as James’s honorary sister, sat down that night, you’d complimented his hair.
You’d said “I like your long hair. It suits you.”
His parents hated that hairstyle. 
He’d kept it purely as an act of rebellion. However, now, now he seemed to like it just a bit more. He hadn’t said thank you. Because he hadn’t known he was supposed to. So he’d just nodded, and you’d grinned.
That grin changed everything. You changed everything.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“What if we make polyjuice potion, and I disguise myself as Narcissa, lead Lucius on for a bit and then prank him?” you asked, playing with the quill in your hands. 
Remus groaned, “We’re still on this?” he asked, throwing his head back in disbelief.
“N/n, Remmy is right, we pranked Lucius only the day before yesterday,” Sirius nodded. You raised an eyebrow at him knowing he was never one to back down from a prank on any Slytherin.
And you were right. He wanted to do it. But if that meant Lucius got a chance to be near you even in a slightly romantic way, he would hurl.
And possibly punch him.
“Oh c’monnn Siri,” you whined, putting on your best pleading face and puppy eyes.
Damn those puppy eyes.
Sirius just shook his head, ignoring the way his heart was racing at your look. He watched as you pouted, leaning back on to the couch, head resting on James’s shoulder. “James, help me out here,” you said, folding your arms as you waited expectantly.
But James was too busy staring at a certain redhead and you, still staring at Sirius, nudged James in the chest.
“Huh? What?”
Sirius burst out laughing at the way your face twisted in pure irritation, the other two boys joining in as you hit James repeatedly with a pillow.
“Ow ow! I’m sorry, I'm sorry!” James laughed as you continued your assault fighting the grin that was creeping up on your face.
“Fuck you Potter!” you laughed, as James tried to correct his hair, you stopping him and messing it up further.
Sirius watched the exchange between you both, a sick feeling crawling up his chest. He knew that you both were no more than honorary siblings and it would always be that way, but deep down he wished you were sitting next to him, doing all that silly stuff with him.
He immediately brushed it off, not one to allow feelings to linger for long, replacing his hardened stare with a smirk instead, watching you and James continue to fight like kids, admiring the bright smile on your face.
He wished that that smile would never go away.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Black, if you could be any animal in the world which was not a dog, which by the way I still don’t understand why that’s your favorite animal, which would you choose?” you asked, mindlessly hooking your hand with his as you both walked to class in 4th year.
He ignored the burst of feelings that erupted in him, trying to focus on your question and not on the way your hand felt against his, clinging on as you pranced lightly. “Uhh, I don’t know” he muttered, his brain fogging up as he refrained himself from staring at your linked hands. You hummed, breaking away from him as James and Remus came into view outside the class.
He paused for a few seconds trying to calm down his erratic heart before shaking his head and entering the class. 
You waved him down, patting the seat next you, and the second he sat down, you grabbed his arm, sticking your tongue out at a slytherin girl eyeing you both with pure jealousy written all over her face.
Sirius laughed, “What’s that all about?”
“She likes you,” you pouted, “and asked me, ME to set you both up!” you pointed to yourself in disbelief.
“She looks cute,” Sirius said, winking at the girl. 
You gasped at the way the girl blushed in response. “She’s a slytherin!” you exclaimed, swatting his shoulder. 
Sirius shrugged, “Good point, guess I’ll have to find someone else then.”
“No way! You’re mine” you said seriously, jabbing a finger at his chest. 
His heart erupted, eyes widening. But he played it off quickly, leaning over to whisper in your ear. “You wish sweetheart.” 
Your face turned pink, eyes widening. Luckily the professor walked in, not allowing Sirius to dwell on your reaction.
Merlin, he was done for.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You were always a naturally happy person. The boys had never seen you cry, even though they’d all had their breakdown moments. You’d been their rock through everything. 
However, when 5th year started, you’d changed. You opted out of pranks, studying almost all the time and the usual spark in your eyes had faded. James seemed to know what had happened but he refused to let the others know, telling them it was up to you to reveal it to them. 
He was worried about you, Sirius could tell, and that made the long-haired boy worry even more. 
He’d tried to get you to talk to him, but you’d refused.
Until one day you’d shown up to Charms, puffy-eyed and asked Sirius to meet you in the Astronomy tower after his classes were done for the day. 
He’d waited anxiously, and as soon as his classes finished, he ran to find you.
You were standing right where you’d said you’d be, gazing up at the sky. You turned when you saw him, a small smile forming on your lips. But the boy noticed the way it seemed to require so much effort from you, which was never the case before.
You turned away again, wordlessly staring at the sky. He wanted to demand an explanation, no longer able to watch you like this.
“Y/N-”
“I’ve never stopped to think,” you started softly, still staring above. Sirius stepped closer to you, waiting patiently for you to continue.
You took a deep breath before turning to face him. 
“I’ve never let myself stop doing things or take a break because then all the thoughts flood the gates and I feel like I’m going to drown. But-” your eyes glazed over as you took a shuddering breath, looking down at your feet.
Sirius grabbed your shaking hands with one of his own, using the other to lift your chin up so that you could look at him. 
“I’m listening,” he whispered.
You bit down on your lip before starting again, “But this summer was bad Siri- they- they said the worst things and-” you couldn’t finish as a sob wracked through your body. 
Sirius pulled you to him, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and another lightly around your head as if trying to shield you.
He knew about the situation with your parents. They were almost never at home, and whenever they were, they made it very clear that they hadn’t wanted children in the first place. That’s why you spent most of your time at the Potter’s. 
It’s also why you understood his situation so well.
You pulled away, wiping your tears away as you looked at Sirius. “Euphemia says she won’t let me go back this time even if they ask,” you laughed slightly remembering the possessiveness that had come over the older Potter. 
Sirius smiled, “Good.”
“Thanks Siri,” you nodded, and Sirius beamed at the real smile that made its way to your face. 
“Anytime princess. But don’t get too comfortable, other girls will get jealous.”
You gasped, playfully punching him on his shoulder, “I better be your one and only Black!” you laughed, and he joined in, hiding the way that sentence struck his heart.
Little did you know.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When Sirius found himself knocking on the door of the Potter’s house, he didn’t expect for you to open it.
Shit. He’d forgotten you stayed there now.
But he couldn’t back away. He didn’t have the energy, nor did he think you would let him, at the way you gasped in horror as you looked at him.
He mustered all his strength into a cheeky “Hi” before James appeared behind you, giving the same reaction you had seconds before. You stood there in shock, hands over your mouth and eyes watering at the sight of the boy in front of you.
Sirius gave up on trying to fake it, giving in as you and James pulled him inside the house. 
“James, get your mom,” you ordered. The boy hesitated as you guided Sirius to the sofa, before you turned and glared at him and he ran off. 
Your eyes scanned the boy, a sort of resolve taking you over as you kneeled down in front of him. Sirius was fighting to keep consciousness and he didn’t know how much longer he could hold it for.
“Sirius,” you called gently, placing a hand on his knee, slowly and carefully. “What happened?” you asked. 
Sirius didn’t want to relive what his mother had done to him, trying desperately to push it all away, trying to drown himself in your presence. But he knew you’d need an explanation if you were to help him get rid of the immense pain he was feeling right now.
“Cruciatus,” he whispered, noticing the horror and anger that made its way to your face, but also noticing the way the gentleness of your touch hadn’t changed.
“Can’t go back. Ever.” he muttered, and you were quick to adjust yourself so that he could look you in the eyes. “You won’t ever be going back. Even if Euphemia can’t keep us all here, you and I will find another place. But Black,” you placed a careful hand on his cheek and he leaned into it, “You are never. Ever. Going back there.” The seriousness in your voice gave Sirius enough strength to whisper a “Thank you” before partially fading out of consciousness again, comforted by the fact that you were here, and for once in his life feeling that things would be okay.
He could vaguely make out Euphemia and Fleamont’s reaction to seeing him nearly passed out on the couch, and your hurried explanation of whatever you’d understood from what he’d said. Euphemia walked up to him moments later with a some medicine in hand, something about opening his mouth, gulping, and about helping him sleep and doctors and the next day at sunrise. He couldn’t process it, just doing what he was told. 
James and you then carefully lifted him, carrying him to a room and gently placing him on a bed. 
He could hear you and James both talking in hushed whispers, but he was unable to make out what you were saying, as he fell into a disturbed sleep.
He woke up in the middle of night once, sweating and terrified, haunted by what he’d seen in his nightmare. But before he could properly react and realize where he was, you got up from beside him. 
He couldn’t breathe, and tears were streaming down his face. He could see you move to sit in front of him and your lips moving but he couldn’t make out what you were saying. 
You then gently placed your hands on his face and surprisingly it helped. 
It grounded him, reminded him that he was with you and not with his monstrous parents.
Your voice started to fade back in and he could hear you telling him to breathe, and so he did, thankful that you were there to help him.
Of all the Marauders, he felt the safest with you. 
“I’m okay,” he whispered once his breathing was back in his control. You nodded, sighing softly.
“Thank you,” he muttered, looking up at your tired eyes, “and I’m sorry I woke you up.”
“It’s fine,” you shrugged, “I hadn't slept. I was too worried.” You said, moving to sit against the headboard of the bed.
“Sorry for that then,” Sirius said lying back down. 
You stared at him for a few minutes before running a hand through his hair, massaging his scalp softly.
“It’s not your fault Sirius, don’t apologize.”
Sirius didn’t respond, trying to focus on you, and on where he was, rather than the memories that were flooding his brain.
You laid down next to him, and Sirius realized that he was infact in your room, and as he turned to apologize once again, you placed a finger on his lips.
“If you apologize for intruding or something like that again, I will make you sleep on the couch.” you threatened your voice laced with humor.
Sirius smiled at you slightly, and you pulled him close to you, allowing him to tuck his face under your chin as you wrapped your hands and legs around him. He was glad you did so, it made him feel safe, and as if you’d heard his thoughts, you whispered into his ear “You’re safe with me Black. You’re mine, and I’ll keep you safe”
He wished he really was yours.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sirius couldn’t find you anywhere. And what worried him more was that he couldn’t find Frank anywhere either. 
Why did that matter?
Well as you and Sirius had gotten closer and flirtier, you and Frank had gotten closer too. After the fiasco that took place over the summer, you’d spent more time with the boys in their dorm room and naturally that meant you were hanging out with their roommate Frank Longbottom as well. 
And now Sirius was worried that you’d thought his flirting was just him being Sirius and that he had no actual feelings for you.
If you really did think that and if you’d decided to hang out with Frank instead, Sirius had no idea what he would do. 
He’d searched every nook and corner of Hogwarts and now the only other place he could think of was Hogsmeade. 
Oh Merlin he hoped it wasn’t Hogsmeade.
Sirius snuck out of the school during study hours, making his way to Hogsmeade, anxiety filling him.
As he made his way through hogsmeade, his heart dropped when he saw your familiar figure next to Frank’s. 
Your head was thrown back in laughter, and Frank was grinning. “You did great! I’m sure next time will be just as smooth,” you said, patting him on the shoulder.
Next time?
Fear creeped up on Sirius.
He couldn’t lose you to Frank. 
He couldn’t lose you to anyone.
He ran up to you and Frank, seeing both of your faces twist in confusion.
“Sirius?”
“You can’t date him!” Sirius exclaimed, pointing to Frank. 
“What?” you and Frank both said at once, before realization crossed your features and a small smile formed on your lips. 
But Sirius was too anxious and worried to register it, only glaring at Frank.
“Frank, what about you go back, and I’ll figure out what Sirius wants,” Frank nodded at your suggestion and walked off, patting Sirius on the back once.
“Why can’t I date Frank?” you asked, looking at Sirius who was still glaring at the boy who’d just walked away.
He spun around to look at you, surprise all over his face. Anyone could see you struggling to hide your smile and maintain a serious expression on your face, but Sirius was blinded.
“Because- ‘Cause-” Sirius faltered, what he was about to do, dawning on him. He hadn’t wanted to confess to you like this.
“Because?” you asked, raising an eyebrow and crossing your arms in front of your chest.
“Because I like you,” he rushed out, scared he would think twice and miss this chance. And the slight tinge of pink in your cheeks gave him confidence. 
“Actually no, I don’t like you, I love you. I’m head over heels for you and I cannot imagine not being with you, at all. I want - no need you to be mine”
You grinned, “Black finally confesses! And you really think I would have gone out with Frank when I have feelings for you? He wanted me to help him get ready for the actual date he’s taking Alice on, since she’s my close friend.” 
Sirius heard nothing except - “You have feelings for me?”
You laughed, linking your hand with his, “I thought it was obvious!”
He turned you around, looking at you, “You really like me?”
You shook your head, laughing lightly, before leaning up to place your lips against his.
His hand moved to your waist, pulling you in, as your hands wrapped around his neck, fingers entangling in his hair.
You both pulled away a few moments later, gasping for air. 
“I’ve been yours since the first day I saw you,” you whispered, eyes locked on his.
“I love you,” he whispered.
“I love you too. But I think I love your hair more.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Taglists: @pinchofhoney @targaryenmoony
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moonstruckme · 3 months
Note
I really hope you mean here 🤭
Request: "Remus is being rude to the reader due to the upcoming full moon.. make it as angsty as you can"
Thanks for requesting babe <3
cw: migraine, Rem is mean :(
Remus Lupin x fem!reader ♡ 1.2k words
When you come home from work, the apartment is dark and there’s evidence of Remus’ shit day everywhere. 
The curtains are drawn closed against the sunlight, and there’s a discarded blanket on the couch and several snack containers half-emptied on the coffee table. One of them has tipped onto the floor, a mess of crisps your boyfriend was likely feeling too unwell to tidy. He’s spilled tea on the table, too. These kinds of things are more common in the days before the full moon, but you think he must really be having a rough one. Even a few unwashed dishes in the sink is usually enough to stress Remus out, so he has to have been in a state to leave things like this. 
You brew a fresh cup of tea, grabbing some chocolates from the cabinet in case he didn’t bring any with him, and broach the bedroom. A shape moves under the sheets when the door creaks open. 
“Hi,” you say softly. You kneel by the bed, lightly touching the ends of Remus’ hair. “How are you, love?” 
“Bad,” he mutters from beneath the covers. You wince. He must be, if he won’t even lower the sheets beneath his eyes. 
You do your best to keep the pity from your voice, knowing he’d hate it. “I brought you some tea,” you murmur, “if you want it.”
“Can’t right now.” 
“It’s chamomile,” you coax. “It might help—”
“I can’t.” The low rumble of his voice takes on a hard edge, and you fall instantly silent. You nod even though he can’t see it, setting the tea and chocolate on his nightstand as quietly as you can. 
You don’t tell him you’re going, sure every footstep is agonizingly loud for him. You force down the lump in your throat. Remus is miserable right now; he’s not thinking about how his tone affects you, and that’s not his fault. He doesn’t mean anything by it. You can deal with it, help anyways.
You sweep instead of vacuuming, gathering the little bits of crisps into a dustpan and dumping them in the trash. The half-eaten snacks get reshelved in your cabinets, the puddle of tea cleaned off the coffee table, and candles lit to banish the stale smell in the living room. The cinnamon ones are usually Remus’ favorite, but you trade them out for lavender on the off chance it helps with his headache. You’re washing dishes one at a time so they don’t clatter when the bedroom door creaks open. 
“Hey,” you say, relieved. “Feeling better?” 
“No.” Remus’ voice is low, and the scratch of it tears at your heartstrings. He trudges to the end of the hall, where he stops, rubbing his forehead with his thumb and forefinger. “I need you to be quiet.” 
“Oh, sorry.” You soften your voice, freezing with your hands submerged in the warm dishwater. “I’ve been trying, I didn’t realize you could hear. I’m almost done with this, so—” 
“Could you stop?” he asks, tone going harsh again. “Just, be quiet or find somewhere else to be, please. I can’t deal with this.” 
You swallow against the intrusion in your throat. Will away the heat from your face. “Okay,” you say, the word barely a whisper. 
Remus turns, plodding back to the bedroom. You hear the door shut.
You leave the dishwater to get cold rather than pouring it out and making more noise. You sit down on the couch with a book, eyes skimming over the words as you convince yourself over and over that it’d be stupid to cry about this. Your face heats, then cools. Tears blur your vision and you blink them away. This is ridiculous. Remus is just moody, he didn’t mean it. You know better than to take anything he says to heart right now. You can’t expect your efforts to be properly appreciated, but the important part is to keep making them. When he’s feeling better, he’ll thank you in a million sweet ways, because that’s who he is. He loves you. He didn’t mean it. 
It’s dark outside when the bedroom door creaks open again. You hadn’t noticed night falling, even when the light became too dim for you to make out the words on your page. You set your book down; you hadn’t been reading anyway. 
Remus sits next to you without a word. He leans the side of his head against the cushion with a sigh. 
“Dove?” he murmurs. 
You don’t dare do more than hum in response. 
A scarred hand finds your leg, the thumb sweeping back and forth over your skin. “I’m sorry for snapping at you,” he says quietly. “That was…it was really mean. And undeserved.”
“I’m sorry I was being loud,” you reply, and you can’t help it, your throat clogs all over again. “I was just trying to help.” 
Your voice catches on the last word, and Remus makes a pained sound that has you silencing yourself instantly. He makes another at your response. 
“Fuck, I’m so sorry,” he rasps. “Do you want a hug?” 
You bite down on your lower lip. “Are you okay to hug?” 
“Yeah, sweetheart.” 
He meets you in the middle, pressing upon your shoulder blades like he can hold you together by sheer physical force. You try for his sake, swallowing the cries that rise in your throat. 
“I’m sorry,” he says again, palm marking a slow path up and down your back. “You weren’t too loud, I’m just fussy. You were only being your kind self. I had no reason to be so horrid.” 
“You weren’t horrid,” you warble. “I know you’re having a hard time.” 
“That’s no excuse.” His palm makes its way back to your shoulders just in time to feel the first little sob escape you. Remus’ grip tightens. “Aw, dovey. I’m so, so sorry. I can’t believe I spoke to you like that.” 
“It’s okay.” 
“It’s not,” he murmurs, kissing the exposed bit of skin where your shirt is slipping down your shoulder. “It’s not, and—” He pauses, looking around the room for the first time. “Did you clean?” 
You nod against his front, feeling the pained sigh that leaves him. 
“Fuck, I’m awful.” 
“You’re not.” 
“You were cleaning up my mess, and I yelled at you.” Now Remus’ voice sounds a tad raw too. He gathers you closer, stubble scratching your forehead as he kisses your hairline. “My sweet girl. You should have ripped me a new one.” 
“You weren’t yelling,” you point out, teasing a bit now, “and anyway, it seemed like you were already being ripped a new one.” 
“Still,” he mumbles into your hair. “You lit the lavender candles and everything. You deserve to put me through hell.” 
“You’re already going through hell,” you remind him gently, brushing a kiss against his cheek. “I don’t need to help the process along. Do you want some tea, love?” 
Remus hums. “I do, but let me get it. Let me get some for you, too, yeah?” He leans back to look down at you. “You want some nighttime tea, darling?” 
You’re alright really, but you tell him you do anyway. He looks nearly happy as he drags himself into the kitchen, and he won’t stop mollycoddling you for the rest of the night. 
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whenlilyfallsinlove · 1 month
Text
jolene part 2
(aka remus having a fat crush on you) (basically part 1 from remus's perspective)
part 1
james potter x reader -> remus lupin x reader
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@mishi-with-jazz you requested this, hope everyone enjoys :)
remus lupin prided himself on being smart. sure, he wouldn't go round bragging about it, but he knew he was clever. he was a good student, always achieving Os, and constantly top of the class (alongside lily). although recently, he didn't feel smart at all. that's because he had made a mistake. a big one. he had a massive crush on you. his best friend's girlfriend.
he hated himself for it. what kind of friend does that? but he couldn't help it. and anyway he had liked you first! way before james did, ever since third year. he felt selfish, thinking that, but it was the truth. james claimed he had liked you for ages, but remus knew that was nothing compared to the length of time he himself harboured feelings for you.
"hello darling." remus was broke from his thoughts by james' voice, and saw you had sat down next to james, across from him. across from him!!
you were beautiful, he couldn't help thinking when he saw you cheekily poked your tongue out at sirius. you had always been kind to him, ever since you sat next to each other in your very first year. potions, if he remembered correctly.
in fact, you even knew about his "furry little problem" as your boyfriend liked to call it. you found out in fourth year, and you were nothing but helpful to him. you promised not to tell anyone and hadn't treated him any differently. he was eternally grateful.
remus had not noticed he'd been gazing at you till you gave him a smile causing his cheeks to warm up and smile back, quickly looking away. he'd been caught staring. that was embarrassing. what if you thought he was a weirdo? what if james had noticed and forbid him from speaking to you? even worse.. what if james stopped being friends with him for fancying his girlfriend?
his panics stopped when he saw lily evans approach the table. he listened to you talk to her, thanking her, and then he noticed james' face. long before you had. before sirius aand peter had. he was blushing. was he serious? james was one of his best friends, don't get him wrong, but he had a girlfriend. it made it worse his girlfriend was you.
remus bit down on his marmalade toast, hard. he was angry for you.
"james are you okay?" he heard you ask curiously, causing him to feel a pang of sympathy for you.
he heard james brush you off, and suddenly it was like nothing had even happened. everyone seemed to have moved on. remus wasn't even sure that padfoot and wormtail had even noticed james' reaction to seeing lily.
he knew you had, though. you were quieter than usual. you looked.. sad.
he shot you a comforting smile, which you returned weakly.
at least you're smiling, even if it was forced.
sometime passed until you spoke up again
"i need to go to the library, does anyone want to come with?" you asked, looking hopefully at james.
"sorry love, got quidditch practice in ten minutes." james said with a sympathetic smile.
"it's fine." remus heard you mutter, you sounded a bit dejected.
"i'll go. i need to anyway, i need a book for the history of magic homework." remus surprised himself, not even processing what he had actually just said.
"thanks remus." you smile softly, and he follows you out of the hall.
you both walk in silence to the library, until remus decides to speak up.
"are you okay?" he asks, looking at your face.
"i'm fine, thanks though.." you said unconvincingly.
"are you sure? you look upset." he responds, giving you a worried smile.
"it's just... james. he's confusing." you sigh.
remus heart stopped. a small part of him hoped you'd tell him that you were planning to break up with james. he knew that was unlikely.
he gives you a nod to continue speaking and you smile in return.
"sometimes i think he still likes lily." you say, avoiding eye contact.
as much as remus wanted to tell you yes!! yes james still likes lily, but here i am and i like you a lot!! he knew he couldn't.
"don't be silly y/n." remus chuckles "james likes you, not lily. she's old news." he gives you a comforting pat on the shoulder.
"really?" you look at remus with such hopefulness, it made him hope what he was saying was true.
"really." he confirms. "james is crazy about you."
you smile at him, looking reassured.
"thanks remus." you say. "you're a great friend."
remus felt himself tense. friend. but of course that's all he was.. you had a boyfriend for godric's sake. he decided, however, he would like being your friend if it made you smile.
"it's no problem, really." he smiles at you and you carry on your journey to the library.
since that talk, you immediately felt closer to remus. you talked more and you both considered each other best friends.
weeks later, you were brought together again.
"you don't usually go to parties, do you remus?" you ask remus, who was holding up a drunk james.
gryffindor had just had a party to celebrate their quidditch win against slytherin and james, being captain of course, was drunk out of his mind.
he was touched you had noticed he didn't usually attend the parties. you were right. he didn't. but james and sirius were on the quidditch team, and he wanted to celebrate their win with them.
"n-no i don't, just wanted to support my friends." he decides to respond, and he knows what he said was apparently correct judging by the smile on you face.
he watched you talk to james comfortingly. merlin he wished you spoke to him like that. you were one of the nicest people he knew.
he zoned out a second but then sees your face, which instantly snaps him out of his daze.
"i'm not lily." he saw you grit your teeth. "would you rather have her take care of you?"
noticing your hurt words, he's quick to comfort you.
"don't worry y/n, he's drunk, he doesn't know any better." he tries to reassure you.
you nod back, but then collapse on a chair.
you looked sad. devastated. remus wanted nothing more to cheer you up.
"look.. y/n, i'll take him up to bed. do you want me to come back down so you can talk.. or do you want some space?" he asks.
"talk." you notice your abruptness and you feel your cheeks warm. "that'd be nice." you add on the end.
remus smiles at you and takes james up to their dorm, where sirius is left to deal with him.
"why's he such a lightweight?" sirius chuckles.
"i know. weakling." remus snorts. "he's fucked up though."
"he has?" sirius responds, with some surprise.
"yeah he's upset y/n." remus responds, frowning.
"prick." sirius rolls his eyes, turning his attention back to james.
"i'll be back.. soon." remus leaves his dorm, and goes back to where you're sat trying to regain yourself.
"hey.." you mutter when you see him, and he takes the seat next to you.
"talk to me." he smiles, sympathetically.
"it's james. again. you heard him. he's always thinking about lily! i'm his girlfriend, not her." a tear rolls down your face.
"oh y/n, don't cry." remus reaches out and brushes the tear away.
"sorry.. i'm pathetic. i just don't know what to do." you groan.
"look.. do you want my honest advice." remus scans your face.
you nod.
"talk to him about it tomorrow, if he doesn't take accountability for it. dump him. and i'm saying that as one of his best friends."
remus feels your gaze on him and feels his cheeks warm.
"oh remus." you lay your head on his shoulder, causing him to freeze up. he knew you weren't drunk but you were still a little tipsy.
he lets you lay there, you look tired.
"i wish james was more like you..." you mutter, drifting off.
remus's breath hitched. although this wasn't reliable at all (you weren't sober), this was progress.
looking at you with a small smile, he just couldn't help but love you.
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zvdvdlvr · 9 days
Text
fuckin need dealer remus or i’ll die
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“rem you know i have a high tolerance,” you mused, resting your head against the headboard of your shared bed.
“I know, dove, but this is strong.” You just sighed in response and closed your eyes. It was about 11 at night last you’d checked, and you were fighting sleep. Normally you try to stay away from smoking this late at night because you had work in the morning, but lately sleep had been evading you.
“Please, baby,” you asked, knowing he’d still probably say no.
That’s why you were surprised to hear your boyfriend groan. “Merlin dove,” he mumbled, fumbling for the lighter in his jacket pocket. He tossed you the lighter and finished wrapping a blunt. Remus’s lanky form moved quickly in the dark room, approaching your open arms. “I need to get better at saying no to you,” he murmured as he softly placed the joint between your lips. “Breathe, pretty,” he whispered, lighting up.
Your eyes closed as you inhaled. Smoke filled your lungs and you held it there for a moment. Then you took the blunt put of your mouth and moved your lips to Remus’s and blew into his mouth.
Remus groaned at your action, pressing his lips to yours as he seemed to devour you whole. His hands fell onto your hips as he guided you into his lap. Your lips wrapped around the blunt once more again, feeling a proverbial weight being lifted off your shoulders as Remus stared at you, in a trance as you blew smoke into his mouth.
He wondered why he ever thought saying no to you was such a bad idea.
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madwcman · 1 month
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Hi sweetie (can I call you that? Sorry if it makes you uncomfortable) can I request something that goes like poly marauders x slytherin reader where they figure out they like reader and reader also likes them back but she feels like they don’t like her that way. Angst with fluff something like. Is okay if you can’t take care of yourself <33
a/n: i want to start off and say thank you for requesting and im so sorry i’m posting this late! but i hope you enjoy, this is my first time writing ploy! marauders so please be kind. also i’m not uncomfortable by you calling me sweetie!! :)
pairing: poly! marauders x slytherin! reader
having a crush on three out of the four marauders was just absolutely dense on your half. not only were you a close friend of theirs but james, sirius and remus were in a relationship together, joining in an already formed relationship seemed foolish to you. especially since they were so happy together. you gathered that james, remus and sirius just couldn’t see you in a romantic light.
so you decided to avoid them the best you could. and it wasn’t really that hard. considering you were a slytherin, you just hid in your dorm most of the time. other times where you would see the boys you would just ignore them. if they waved, smiled or even called out your name you would ignore them. and run in the other direction away from them.
“dove, you’re avoiding us.” you look up from the book you were reading and see remus, james and sirius standing in front of you in the library. you’re surprised they’re all in the library, especially james and sirius considering they hate to be quiet and being quiet is the mandatory rule in the library.
“i don’t know what you mean.” you mutter quietly, looking back to your book. avoiding their narrow eyes. “yes you do.” sirius, speaks sourly as you hear the chairs scraping against the floors. looking back up, you see sirius and remus have taken a seat across from you while james sits beside you with a strained smile. “no sirius, i don’t.” you snap back, closing your book. you start to gather your things ready to take your leave to avoid the boys once again.
“will you please just talk to us?” you turn to james, as you stand from your chair. his hair is a little messy from him running his fingers through it, his face looks more red than usual. he looks at you with an angry face. he’s angry with you. “we just want to know what we did.” he waves his hand around between him, sirius and remus. you look at each of the boys with anticipation. you finally let out a sigh and sit back down.
“are you going to talk to us now?” remus asks, he sounds and looks hopeful. you shake your head miserably. this will surely end your friendship with the boys. “well are you going to explain?” sirius ask,
“i’ve been avoiding you three because i want to be with you guys romantically.” you admit, with a gloomy tone. “oh.” they all speak at the same time. you start to tear up and wait for them to reject you. and then later on break up the friendship you guys had. “dove, what’s wrong?” you hear remus get up from his seat across from you and bend down beside you. “dove?”
“are you guys going to stop being friends with me?” you mumble out. closing you eyes. “no, why would we honey?” james ask, rubbing your back softly. “because you guys don’t feel the same.”
“we never said that.” you hear sirius speak, he standing beside remus, he’s not good with comforting but you hear the worry in his tone. you can see he’s trying his best. “what?” you look up from your lap. to look at sirius in disbelief. “we’ve never said that, love.” sirius tells you sweetly, as he moves to bend down with remus.
“we’ve all have actually liked you for a while now.” james admits. “we’ve been meaning to tell you, but you’ve been avoiding us.” remus explains. laughing a little at the situation you guys were in. “oh,” you utter dumbly to yourself. sirius laughs, you feel a little embarrassed but can’t help but smile at yourself.
i’m sorry.” you laugh out, still nervous and embarrassed for avoiding them. you feel slightly silly. “there's no need to apologize,” james rushes out, feeling bad at the thought that you needed to apologize to them. “but you could make it up by going on a date with us.” sirius smiles as he moves in to kiss your cheek.
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sleyu · 9 months
Note
thinking abt an sfw thing for mean bf!remus and mean bf! sirius rn (separately). hes a loving boyfriend and ofc his gf is the apple of his eyes but he was in the worst mood when the poor girl walked in on him one day just sweetly inquiring whats wrong with his mood and if she can help but when hes in a bad mood...hes just soooo much meaner and poor girl glares at him, tearing up and before he can even process his guilt storms off, ignoring him calling her name and oh now hes grovelling like hell
remus in particular fits this concept so well.
i think this is predictable, but this happens once every few months, particularly at the end of the month when the full moon is approaching and what remus considers his worst, most menacing traits manifest and reveal themselves.
before dating you, remus was consumed with foreboding and anger. of course, his friends helped and even school took his mind off of his transformations. however, remus never had a release—someone in particular that he knew he could rely on—someone he was certain would adore him unconditionally. since dating you, remus found a sense of normality in his life.
despite this, as the full moon crept, so did reality. this damned remus with not only his transformations but also with his most haunting, reoccurring insecurities. it was inevitable and as his mood and disposition heightened, he became increasingly sensitive, triggering sinister, petrifying fears in his mind that pertain to his biggest weakness: you.
in actuality, remus is terrified that one day, “you’ll come to your senses” and leave him. he’s afraid because he knows that he would easily let you. he is conscious of the fact that he’ll accept it despite the crushing, torturous pang in his chest that yearns for you.
with these rising, uncontrollable, and inevitable emotions and oversensitivity, remus is prone to hideous, gut-wrenching jealousy. of course, remus is possessive and territorial already, but its toxicity is never directed at you. however, near the full moon, his corrupted mind deludes him into believing that you take interest in the endeavours and offers of the people that flirt with you—that you reciprocate and feel fondness for the subtle touches, teasing whispers, and longing eyes that you receive from everyone else but him.
you begin noticing his peculiar behaviour in class when he didn’t greet you as you slid next to him on the desk bench. anyone could tell that it wasn’t remus lupin’s day and that they’ll receive the worst end of his behaviour at any attempt to interact with him, but usually, you’re not included as another target of his anger.
his hostile behaviour and refusal to talk to you continued the entire and it wasn’t until you kindly asked him what was wrong that he finally broke, speaking to you as if you were foreign to him.
‘just can’t ever fucking leave me alone, can you? y’know, y/n, why the fuck don’t you go on and talk to someone else? been smiling and eye-fucking tremblay all day and now you remember me? fuck off.’ he all but spits bitterly.
his heart immediately drops when your frightened look twists into one of hatred, bitter tears filling your narrowed eyes. his hand twitches as your voice shakes, attempting to fight back any sobs to prevent him from gaining any satisfaction from your sadness.
‘you’re a right foul delusional git, lupin. you should fuck off. come back and talk to me once you’ve come back to your senses, fuck.’ despite your shaking voice, you maintained a scarily calm demeanour before storming off, ensuring to slam the door behind you, the loud sound reverberating throughout the room of his dorm.
he was so stunned that all he could utter was an apologetic, disbelieving, ‘y/n,’ that you rightfully ignored before you left. it was only then that remus groaned and slammed his fist on his desk in frustration, feeling far worse than he’s felt all day.
tears of frustration would sting his eyes, an aching lump in his throat would form, and all he can do is sigh shakily, feeling his hatred for himself only grow more. he hates himself, knowing that he constantly sabotages what he feels is the one thing he breathes for—the one thing that calms his heart and alters his view of the world.
remus would take his time in attempting to give a sincere, deep apology. the full moon was approaching and after the turmoil he’s gotten himself into, he’s lost all his energy to provide you with the sincerity he knows you deserve. all he can do to cope is unleash his sharp tongue on everyone else. in between his threats to his desk mate, his heart would twinge and his cheeks would flush when he catches your distant stare.
all he can do is clench his jaw and let his heart ache in yearning, watching you from afar, looking as though you’ve already moved on from the fight whereas your awfully mean glare haunts him day and night.
all he craves is for you to pet his head and coo at him, assuring him that you’ll always be there to take care of him no matter what. all he pines for are the tender, sweet kisses you press to his temple and his cheekbones. he tries to replace the feeling of your chest by lying on and embracing his pillow but he can only kick it off the bed and groan at the unfamiliar, unpleasant feeling that isn’t you.
remus becomes ridden with anxiety while imagining his apology, fearing that when he does beg on his knees for forgiveness and takes accountability, you are indifferent. he’s terrified that you’ll shake your head, and instead of cradling him in your arms, you would tell him that you’ve had enough and that you can’t possibly deal with him anymore. it’s these thoughts that have tears streaming down his eyes in the shower, that have him breathing heavily in the middle of studying, that break his heart into pieces.
before he has enough energy to verbally communicate his regret, no one has ever seen remus lupin as pliant and obedient since he stepped foot into hogwarts. as soon as slughorn would declare the materials necessary for the potion, remus would be bouncing his knee anxiously, waiting for his professor's approval before he jumps out of his seat and races to the cabinet, carefully studying which material was flawless and polished enough to present to you.
you’d take it with silence but he would inwardly beam. this is a step in the right direction, he thinks. the marauders would be gawking at him, watching him say a quiet ‘here you go,’ with a tight-lipped smile and soft eyes.
he couldn’t care less if he was left with a tarnished cauldron or rusty textbook. what mattered more was that he gave you the best one and he was slowly redeeming himself.
before class would end, remus would hurry to the door, holding it open for every single person in the class and holding it especially wider for when you walk through. every other person that walked out of the door was shocked and hesitant to take advantage of his kind gesture—remus, however, didn’t spare them a glance, his stare intensely focused on you, studying your reactions to his unusually chivalrous demeanour.
he has to charm you with this. but there you go, laughing happily with one of your friends, completely ignoring your miserable boyfriend’s existence and walking straight toward the great hall.
‘fucks sake,’ he mutters before racing there, determined to fix a plate full of your favourite food himself.
once the full moon passes, remus decides to make a move, heading straight toward the library where he knows he’ll find you studying away.
you’re so focused on your parchment. his heart swells at the sight of your furrowed eyebrows and the slight pout on your lips. he’s so in love with you. that softness is quickly interrupted when he realizes your eyes don’t even look up when he walks towards you, quietly whispering your name. fuck, he thinks.
remus walks behind you and bends down near your ear, slowly and carefully brushing a strand of your hair behind your ear. you didn’t flinch. you didn’t move away either. you didn’t reject him.
‘oh, darling, i’m sorry.’ he would mumble despairingly, reaching down to gently take your hand in his. ‘i didn’t mean to, you know that, right?’
between every tender kiss to your head and the gentle, soothing stroke of his thumb on your hand and shoulder, his sweet words only continued. ‘i’ll lend you my books, sweaters, anything you want, baby. everything of mines is yours—i’m yours.’
suddenly, you immediately snatched your hand out of his grasp and continued writing, concentrated on the piece of parchment in front of you as if remus wasn’t even there. his eyes widened and his stomach dropped, churning unpleasantly.
remus tries to squeeze your shoulder as gently as he can to remind you that he’s there and that he would wait as long as it takes. he remains calm, taking deep breaths, all the while inwardly panicking, unknowing of how long he can keep up with your silence and lack of concern.
after a couple of long, tedious minutes of standing, remus quickly pulls a chair beside you, eliciting a sharp scratch against the hardwood floor that the librarian narrows her eyes at. remus rolls his eyes before settling annoyingly close to you, hesitantly resting his chin on your shoulder after pressing a soft kiss there as well.
‘i could help you with the test, i got an outstanding on the last one.’ he says quietly, smiling weakly, attempting to mask the desperation he knows is laced in his tone.
still, nothing from you. not even a glance, not even a hum of acknowledgement. he hasn’t even gotten your eyes to meet his and he begins feeling a wave of nausea at this realization and his lack of success.
‘please, love, just say anything. take me outside and yell at me if you must—please do. just anything. i just wanna hear your voice. i’m sorry—i’m so, so sorry.’ he takes away his seemingly calm, indifferent facade, voice wavering pleadingly, and you inwardly smirk at the difference in his tone.
remus takes your head in his hand and presses a firm kiss to your temple in an attempt to coax you out of your indifference.
‘i’m so fucking sorry, baby. i was a git, right foul one, yeah?’ he laughs forcefully, miserably attempting to soften the tension in the air to which he failed. ‘you could do anything to punish me. yell at me, hit me even, do anything but this, please. do whatever you want to me—just not this.’
again, you do nothing. he desperately wants you to push him away, to yell at him and tell him to leave you alone. any form of eye contact, any sound of his name—acknowledgment is all he needs.
‘i’m not leaving—i hope you know that. i’ll follow you right back to the common room and i’ll steal you away so that you end up in my dorm. i’ll even get on my fucking knees for you and beg you to forgive me. i’m staying here.’
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remusluvr · 9 months
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all these things that i've done | remus lupin
summary: Remus is drunk, you're the first person he thinks of to call. content: drunk Remus, exes, throwing up (and reader tells Remus to throw up so he can get it out of his system), unedited
"(Y/N)," he draws out, voice high and sing-songy. He's honestly a little surprised you picked up his call. You're a little surprised that you picked up too. It's nearly two in the morning. Anyone in their right mind would have woken up, seen that their ex was calling, and put the phone right back down to go to sleep. You couldn't though not with the achy feeling that formed in your stomach after seeing the caller ID.
"Hi, Remus. Are you alright?" you ask, voice raspy from having been woken up. You hear James nearby calling for Remus and Remus brushing him off so he can find a quieter place to talk to you. "What's going on?"
"We went to a bar. It's the bar that we always used to go to," he breathes, background much quieter now. He must have gotten away. You don't really know what to say. "It made me think of you. James told me not to call."
"You're drunk, Remus," you grumbled, fingers pinching at the bridge of your nose. Of course, he's drunk. That's the only reason why he's calling. "Go back to James and Sirius. Are they trying to leave?"
"No. But I want to leave."
"Are you really calling me for a ride? What the fuck?"
"No, no, no, no, no. I mean, yes. I am calling for a ride but I miss you."
"Call an uber." With that, you hang up the phone. How dare he call you asking for a ride after you haven't spoken to each other in months. You lost half of your friends because of your breakup. Lily and Marlene are the only ones that still talk to you. Every once in a while, you'll get a text from James but nothing important.
And you would think with the way you're fuming at him for thinking he could just call you up and you'd come running, that when his name comes up on your phone again you wouldn't answer it. You do.
"I'm sorry for calling you. Please don't be mad at me," he whispered. You feel bad. He's obviously drunk with no way to get home. You don't want him to take an uber by himself and the bar isn't too far from your house.
"Wait outside, I'll be there in fifteen." He mumbles a thank you before you can hang up on him. You huff under your breath as you take the warm blankets off of you, getting up to locate a pair of pants, shoes, and your car keys.
He's like an excited puppy when you get there, jumping up immediately as you pull in front of where he's sitting with James. James doesn't look as drunk as Remus and you're grateful that one of them had the hindsight to be a little smart. Getting out of the car, Remus is on you, pulling you into a hug so he can rest his cheek on your head, mumbling out a, "Missed you so much."
You try to ignore the pull his words have on your heart but it's only been a few months since you broke up. You haven't exactly moved on from him.
"He drank a lot," James explains, "I tried to get him to call anyone else but he told me that he wanted you to come and get him."
You spin in Remus's hold so he's pressed against your back, face buried in your neck. You're trying to talk to James but you can't focus, not when he starts pressing kisses onto your skin like no time has passed between the two of you seeing each other.
"Don't worry, I'll get him home."
"Noooo, can I sleep on your couch? Please?" James looks at you with a look of pity. You brush it off, reaching back to run a hand through Remus's hair. You say bye to his friends, pulling him into the passenger seat of your car and handing him a water bottle that you had grabbed before you left. "You're so sweet."
You don't say anything, climbing into the driver's seat and starting in the direction of his house. He notices and is quick to whine about wanting to be with you. If it weren't so late maybe you'd have more energy to argue, but you don't so you just start in the direction of your apartment.
"I think about you all the time," he confesses. That's bold coming from the boy who locked you out of his life. He broke up with you so why does he think he has a right to say these things to you. You have to remind yourself that he's drunk so you don't slap him across the face. "I don't think I'll ever get over you, sweetheart."
"Rem, stop talking," you say through clenched teeth. He doesn't know what he's saying and he won't remember it in the morning. Tomorrow, he'll wake up and scurry out before you wake up so that he doesn't have to face you, you're sure of it.
"I never stopped loving you. Was just scared to let you in."
There are tears pricking at your eyes but you won't let yourself cry. You won't. Because if you do then Remus will just try to comfort you and you'll let yourself get your hopes up. You don't say anything the rest of the way home.
He throws up the minute he steps out of your car. You groan, throwing his arm over your shoulder so you can help him into the house and to a proper toilet.
"I'm sorry I called you. Just need you. I hate not having you around."
"We can talk in the morning. Pull the trig and throw up so we can both sleep."
You let him sleep on the floor by your bed after he complained about the couch. Anything to just have him shut up. You don't sleep much, not when you can hear him breathing so close to you. Everything he's said tonight keeps replaying in your head as you stare up at the ceiling. If he really means any of it, he'll be here in the morning and willing to talk to you. If not, you'll block him and finally let go.
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melodramaschild · 1 year
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𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐒𝐄
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Navigation || Remus John Lupin
Warnings: HtC, reader has speech defect and glasses (one mention), school bullies, anxiety attack, crying, happy ending, my English, I feel like this one is wrong
Let me know if I forgot anything
Words count: 892
Read me: If you see any mistakes, please let me know. English isn’t my first, not even second, language and reminding me of some mistakes would help a lot. Also, feel free to reblog.
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“Hey hey hey! Slow down! Are you okay?” Remus chuckled and his hand reached out for you to stop you while you were running to your dorm.
“No!” you shouted back and shut the door behind you with a loud bang that it could shake with the whole castle.
(❁ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈) ༉‧ ♡*.✧
(❁ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈) ༉‧ ♡*.✧
(❁ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈) ༉‧ ♡*.✧
Remus quickly squeezed himself before the door closed and got into your room, standing nervously next to the door.
He was observing you as you quickly moved around your room. As you threw your backpack around the room, as you took off your jumper from your body, as your body wrecked under the power of your helpless sobs.
“Touch or words?” he asked when he saw you sobbing into a tissue.
“And don’t even think about you bothering me with that.” he stated with a raised point finger, already knowing your cruel mind.
“T-to-touch please.” you stuttered through heavy sobs as your tears created a river on your flaming cheeks.
“Okay, come here, darling.” he said and opened his arms, waiting for you to find him as a boat found their lighthouse. You quickly stepped closer and leaned into his warm touch.
“Hey, wait for a bit.” he chuckled and took off your glasses, putting them in the pocket of his jumper.
He wrapped his arms around you and swayed with you a bit across the room in an attempt to calm you down while your tears were soaking his clothes.
“Shhh, it's gonna be alright.” he whispered into your hair and led you to your bed and sat down with you, pulling you closer until you were curled up in his lap like a little bunny.
He pulled you even closer that now your head was resting on his shoulder.
“What happened, little one?” he asked after a while, his fingers stroking your wet cheek.
You took a few deep breaths before speaking.
“It, it happ-happened a-again.” you stuttered, voice weak and scared from the earlier experience.
“They made fun of you again?” he asked, reassuringly.
“Y-yes.” you couldn’t help but you bursted into tears once again. It wasn’t fair.
He leaned back against the wall with you in his lap. He took your blanket with dinosaurs and hooked it around your shoulders, wrapping you in that blanket like a butterfly into a cocoon.
“Just cry, my love, let it all out.” he whispered and stroked your quivering back.
“Just let it all out.” he whispered and rocked you from side to side like a baby. Which helped.
When you just cried more and more and your breathing stuck in your lungs he made you look at him. Hooking his fingers under your chin and looking into your eyes.
Your eyes were full of non-ending tears, your face was bright and hot due to crying and over oxygenating, tears streaming down your face and running under your chin on his hand.
“Alright darling, I need you to take a deep breaths, can you do that?” he asked and you nodded, mind became a bit hazy but he was still there, like your personal lighthouse.
He took your hand and placed it on his chest, wanting to feel you how calmly he was breathing.
“Take a breath in.” he said and you did that.
“Hold your breath.”
“And slowly out,” he said and you slowly exhaled, your breath tickling your hand on his chest. “just like that, darling, just like that.” He praised you and brought his other hand to stroke your cheek.
“And one more time.” he smiled at you.
“Inhale… hold it… and out.” he said and you did what he told you.
“There we go, good job, love, such a good job.” he praised and you hummed in comfort, closing your eyes for a bit.
“Wanna tell me what happened?” he asked, trying not to push you.
“I-I had a recitation a-and I g-got nervous and I s-started s-stuttering a-and and and then-then-the-the-”
“Shh, you don't have to talk anymore.” he whispered and pulled you back into his arms, locking you in his presence.
“I totally know. And it's not your fault that you have a speech defect, and it's definitely okay to have it. You did such a good job with everything and I'm so proud of you, my love.” he assured you with words and a bunch of kisses on your forehead. And temple. And nos. And cheeks. And anywhere you wanted them.
At this point you weren’t crying anymore and you let him hold you while some tears fell from your closed eyes.
You felt yourself getting tired after this whole day and after crying and Remus knew. He still held you close and let you slowly drift into your dreams.
“There you go, just fall asleep, I'll be with you for the whole time.” he whispered so silently and gently while his lips brushed against your temple.
He leaned more against the wall so now you were lying on his chest, your hands around his shoulder, holding him so tightly like a koala and like he was supposed to disappear in a minute. Holding you so close like you were the most fragile thing in the whole world. Like you were the gem of a whole universe. Holding you like no one was allowed to talk to you ever again because none of them deserved it.
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strawberrysodaslut · 2 years
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Gagging On Soft!Dom Remus for the First Time
18+ for smut
❛ ━━━━━━━━・❪ ❁ ❫・━━━━━━━━━ ❜
You pull back, coughing and gasping for air like you were smoking. Remus looks at you almost sheepishly.
“baby- fuck- please be careful, don’t wanna hurt your pretty throat.” Remus says, still reeling from the feeling of you gagging around him.
You look up at him, determination peeking through your teary eyes “I can take it.” you say, guiding his cock back into your mouth, ready to try again.
❛ ━━━━━━━━・❪ ❁ ❫・━━━━━━━━━ ❜
taglist: @mischieftom @omenhel @Littlebunny69blog
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wolfmoonmusic · 1 year
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hiiii!!! can u do a valentine’s day angsty post where james and y/n are in a secret relationship because she’s a hufflepuff but he flirts with lily and gets her flowers on valentines so he doesn’t cause suspicion u get upset and cry and break up with him and he tries to win u back but remus gets u flowers and kinda helps u get over james??🤭🤭🤭 if u don’t wanna do this it’s totally okay!! love ur work<3
Secrecy:
A/N: This was so painful to write. But, it was also super fun.
Summary: You love James Potter and would do anything for him, including keeping your relationship an absolute secret. However, he may not feel the same.
Pairing: James Potter x Hufflepuff!reader, Remus Lupin x Hufflepuff!reader
w/c: 3600+
Masterlist
Taglist
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ <3
The room of requirements had a lot of uses.
“Jamie, stop it!” you giggled as your boyfriend peppered your face with kisses. He pulled away grinning, “What? I’ve missed you!” 
You shook your head, a sad smile taking over the grin you’d had before. “You wouldn’t have to miss me, if people knew about us,” you said, your hands fixing his hair, and adjusting his glasses. “If at least your friends knew,” you added, now fixing your own robes.
James closed his eyes, tilting his head back. “We’ve talked about this n/n,” he whined, cupping your face. His eyes searched yours, “I-I’ve told you, they can’t know.”
You shook your head, “You’ve never told me why, James.” You pulled his hands away from your face, bending down to pick up your bag, the next period would start soon. You tried to ignore how your chest tightened.
When James didn’t respond, bending down to pick his own bag up, you sighed. Everytime over the past few months that you’d had this conversation, it ended the same way. Sometimes, you wondered, if he was embarrassed of you, but it made no sense, because all of his friends loved hanging out with you.
Or so you thought. You weren’t sure of anything anymore.
“I-I just need you to trust me,” he said softly, adjusting his bag straps. You just stared at him blankly. It was scary how used to this you were by now. 
“Right,” you whispered, before stepping past him and leaving.
He didn’t follow you. He never did.
When James had first told you he liked you, he’d also mentioned a need to keep it private. You’d wholeheartedly agreed at first, maybe he just didn’t want his friends all over the two of you. However, that didn’t make sense either. Sirius had openly teased the both of you on some occasions, when James had one too many drinks, and got a little too touchy around you. 
Of course, it happened only when he was drunk.
As days turned into weeks, you started wondering if he ever planned on telling at least his friends. He never got too close to you whenever you were around them. In fact, he’d barely even look at you. It was Remus who was always around you, talking and making you laugh.
If James hadn’t asked you out first, Remus might’ve been the one you were with.
He always made you feel wanted. In a way James never had. 
The worst part was that Valentine’s Day was tomorrow. And James hadn’t even brought it up. Even when you’d asked him, he’d just shrugged and said “I’ll come up with something.”
You definitely didn’t miss the way his friends kept pushing him towards Lily Evans. Or how he seemed to be subtly flirting with her, every time you looked at him when you were in public.
At first you would cry in your dorm room, unable to tell anyone about how you felt, because no matter how much you hated it, you still felt obliged to keep it a secret. Over time, you learnt to shrug it off, allowing the pain to grow in your chest. You didn’t know what it was like to go through a day without that crushing sensation.
Sometimes you wished you weren’t that nice. 
As you entered class, you weren’t expecting Remus to excitedly wave you over, Sirius turning away from his friend to smile at you as well.
You couldn’t even avoid them, it’d seem suspicious. You plastered on a fake smile, making your way over to the boys.
“Hey Y/N,” they both chorused. 
“Hello,” you responded, settling down next to Remus. He held out a chocolate in the palm of his hand, and you gladly accepted, muttering a simple thanks.
This is what it was like to be around Remus. It wasn’t the constant fear of someone finding out. It didn’t come with the thoughts swarming in your head.
Your eyes found James walking into class, hesitating, for just a moment when he saw you, before his face returned to normal and he took a seat beside Sirius.
Of course, he didn’t give you a second glance.
Class started, causing you to shift your focus on your professor. You hated how routine it had all become. 
How unaffected you were.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As you were walking back to your dorm, you felt someone grab your hand, pulling you behind a wall. 
“Y/N, don’t be mad,” James whispered. You stared at him blankly, before sighing softly. “How long?” you asked, staring directly into his eyes, hoping that you could decipher what was going on. He gulped, looking away for a minute, before his eyes landed on you again. “I-I don’t know,” he said, immediately looking down at his shoes.
You tried to blink away the gathering tears, nodding. “Look, James, I like being your girlfriend. But, I hate being your secret,” you said. His eyes snapped up to meet yours, full of panic. “You’re not my secret,” he said firmly, his eyes filled with confidence. You almost believed him.
Almost.
You scoffed. “Right because this,” you said, gesturing to your hiding spot, “doesn’t indicate that you’re hiding me.”
“No, no I-” he sighed frustratedly, a hand running through his hair. 
“I’ll see you in the Gryffindor common room in the evening. I’m studying with Remus. You,” you jabbed a finger at his chest, “can ignore me as usual.”
With that, you left, unable to hold the onslaught of tears any longer. As the hot tears streamed down your face, you started running, picking up more speed as the feeling in your chest grew. You didn’t care that people were staring. You didn’t care that you could get into trouble. You just needed to get away.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You didn’t go to class. You didn’t go to lunch. You sat in your room all day pondering your situation. It hurt you to think about it. You’d been so happy in the beginning, an amazing boyfriend, good friends, you had it all. But slowly, your sudden disappearances had increased, and you couldn’t explain it to your friends. You’d even missed your roommate's cake cutting on her birthday because you’d run off to find James.
They barely even talked to you now.
You sniffled, hearing voices as your roommates piled in, barely acknowledging you. You watched as they walked right past you, only one of them, Rose, the one who’s birthday you missed, paused to give you a sad smile, before joining the others in their discussion.
You couldn’t handle the pain anymore. It enveloped you completely, the numbness taking over. You quietly got up, leaving the room. Anywhere was better than here. 
As you got to your common room, you realized all the classes were over for the day. Your eyes scanned the room, as you tried to ignore the fact that you were supposed to be with Remus now. You didn’t want to go. James would be there.
But, you’d promised Remus yesterday. 
You sighed, deciding you had to go, leaving the common room, with no one to stop you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The second you entered the common room, Remus called you over. Unfortunately, he was sitting with his friends. Including your boyfriend.
You walked over, ignoring the way James watched you, eyes trained on Remus. “Hi Remmy,” you said softly, taking a seat next to him. “Hello love. Are you alright? You weren’t in Defense Against the Dark Arts today,” he asked, brows furrowed together in concern. 
Did James even realize?
You nodded quietly, “Just needed to get away from everything for a while y’know?” 
Remus nodded, understanding taking over his features. 
“You don’t have your books,” Sirius pointed out.
You froze, you’d been so worked up that you hadn’t even realized.
“I - uh”
“ ‘S alright love, we can share,” Remus interrupted, passing his book over to you.
You smiled gratefully, “Thanks Moony.”
You knew James was watching you, but you didn’t look at him. You didn’t want to give him the satisfaction. It hurt too much.
“Oh! I heard someone’s secret relationship was found out!” Sirius suddenly exclaimed.
You couldn’t process what he’d just said. Did he - did he know?
“Who?” you heard James ask. Your eyes snapped to him, but he was looking at Sirius, face seeming amused.
Was he not worried? Or did he not care? Or…was he so sure that it wasn’t about you two?
However Sirius just shrugged, “Don’t know, don’t care,” he pointed at the three of you, “however I think whoever it was is an absolute coward.”
Remus looked up from his book, “Coward?”
Sirius hummed in response. “You like someone enough to date them, why would you keep it quiet?” he asked, now looking at you, “If you’re not embarrassed or if it’s not forbidden love or something right n/n?” You were caught off guard by the question. 
The way he looked at you made you feel as if he knew more than he was letting on. 
“I uh-. Yeah, yeah, why would you?” you asked in response, looking at James. At this point, you didn’t care if someone suspected something. You wanted an answer.
James’s eyes widened in shock. “I-” 
The three of you were looking at him now. “You shouldn’t. Not if you care about the person enough,” he muttered, looking at everyone but you.
You didn’t stop the tears from flowing. “I- I have to go,” you whispered, before running out. 
Did he not care enough then? If that was just a response, framed to keep people from guessing, how far was he willing to go to keep this a secret?
You ran all the way to your dorm room, ignoring the way your roommates were looking at you with concern, before jumping on the bed, hiding your face in the pillow, and sobbing. 
None of them came to ask you what was wrong. Of course they didn’t. You hadn’t been there for them, constantly putting James first. 
The James that always seemed to put you last.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You woke up in the morning, eyes puffy and head hurting. You hadn’t even changed into your pajamas. You groaned, sitting up slowly, eyes closed, as the events of the day before, flooded into your head.
“Hi.”
You opened your eyes, finding Rose sitting on your bed, a soft smile on her face.
“Hi?” you said, shocked that she was even talking to you. 
“You came in, a mess last night,” she laughed lightly.
You could feel your cheeks heating up in embarrassment . She moved closer to you, placing a hand on your knee. “What’s going on?” she asked, voice filled with concern. 
You were surprised that she’d even asked. “I missed your birthday?” you asked in response, unable to form an actual sentence.
She laughed again, “I know you Y/N. You wouldn’t have done that unless something was going on.”
You felt your eyes water again. “You really want to know?” you asked, your voice shaking. She simply nodded, waiting for you to continue.
You hesitated, unsure if you should tell her, but as the pain in your chest continued to grow with every second, you realized you needed to let it out.
So you did.
You told her everything. From the very beginning, to the conversation you’d had yesterday.
The second you’d finished, she engulfed you in a hug. “Oh n/n, you don’t deserve that,” she said, pulling away.
“But I mean, what I don't get is, why?” you whispered.
“I don’t know love, but you have to tell him,” she said sternly.
“Tell him what?” you asked, afraid of what she was going to say.
“That if he wants to stay with you, he should be willing to be open about it. Not PDA level but you know what I mean,” she said, taking your hands in hers.
You nodded. She was right. Absolutely right.
You had to tell him now. Why not? It was Valentine’s? It was perfect.
“I’ll tell him right now,” you said, getting off the bed.
Rose gripped your hand. “Not like this you’re not,” she told you, looking you up and down.
You laughed in embarrassment, “Right.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rose had helped you get ready, even helping you out with a bit of makeup. 
So now, as you sped across the halls, you were feeling confident. You were sure you mattered to him, so you didn’t worry too much about the conversation you were about to have. You were feeling good.
But then you heard the name Potter coming out of a certain redhead’s mouth. You came to a halt, turning to look at the scene behind you.
Lily Evans was holding a bouquet in her hands, blushing profusely. 
“I can’t believe he actually knows what flowers you like!” her friend exclaimed.
Lily nodded, “He might be a prick sometimes, but he really is good at this.”
Your heart dropped.
It can’t be.
You walked over to her clearing your throat. “Um, Lily?” you called, causing the girl to turn to you.
“Oh hey Y/N!” she smiled warmly. You returned it with a weak smile of your own, “I was just wondering,” you said shakily, pointing to the flowers, “who gave you those?” 
She grinned, “James Potter. As thick headed as he is, he’s also a sweetheart.”
You felt like you’d been kicked in the stomach, the color draining from your face. 
“You alright?” she asked, noticing the way your hands were shaking.
You nodded quickly. “Yeah, yeah of course. Have a nice day,” you said, quickly turning around and bolting. 
You had someone to go meet.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“James!” you yelled, barging into the Gryffindor common room. Sirius, Peter and Remus, and James all turned to look at you. Luckily there was no one else there.
Though, to be honest, you wouldn’t have cared.
You were tired of hiding.
“You gave Lily flowers?” you said, walking up to your boyfriend. 
He stood up, eyes wide. 
“Of course he did! Are you oblivious to how he’s head over heels for her?” Sirius interjected, confused as to why you were so angry.
You ignored him, eyes trained on your boyfriend.
“I-”
“Well? Did you? Or is she lying to me?” you asked, your eyes watering.
“Y/N”
“I swear to god James if you try to hide this even now, I will not hesitate to slap you.”
You could see how panicked James was. But you didn’t care. You were hurt beyond repair.
He closed his eyes, cursing under his breath.
“I did,” he whispered.
Hot tears streamed down your face.
“But I swear,” he said, opening his eyes, “ I only did it to keep people off of us.” He tried to reach for your hand, but you pushed him away.
“Why?” you sobbed. Your chest felt like it was being crushed. Your heart, breaking into tinier pieces by the minute.
James huffed. “Because,” he started throwing his hands up in the air, “Because you’re a Hufflepuff!” he yelled.
You staggered back, the shock of the revelation came like a blow.
“What?” you whispered.
“Mate, what’s going on?” Remus asked, walking over to stand next to you.
James just shook his head, running a hand through his hair.
“Love,” Remus turned to you, a gentle hand on your shoulder, “what’s going on?” he asked.
Sirius stepped forward, “James fucked up, that’s what’s going on,” he supplied.
You and James looked at him in shock.
“I saw you both kissing a few days back,” he explained. “It completely threw me off, because Prongs here,” he threw an arm around James’s shoulder, “has been head over heels for Evans since first year.”
First year?
“However, he did tell us about catching feelings for you last year, though we thought it subsided because he never mentioned it again. Of course, I found out only recently that he didn’t mention it, because he was too up in his head about the whole ‘Gryffindor being a superior house’ thing,” Sirius said, making air quotes. You stared at James, not knowing how to process the information being dealt out.
“Then I saw you both snogging each other before Charms one day, and decided to bring it up. James however said you were just friends. But he wouldn’t shut up about how in love he was with Evans. Meaning one of two things,” Sirius said, moving away from James, holding out both his hands.
“One,” he said, lifting his left hand up, “James was using you to get the attention he wanted because Lily wasn’t paying him regard,” James opened his mouth to say something but Sirius cut him off, “but, James isn’t a prick. He wouldn’t do that.” Sirius said, lowering his hand. “Which could only mean,” he lifted his right hand now, “that James did in fact like you, but he couldn’t give up completely on Lily, and,” he paused, pointing to James, “he feels too superior about his house, as always.”
You blinked multiple times, trying to understand what Sirius had just said. 
He’d known yesterday. And he’d been trying to warn you.
“Y/N-” James started.
“Don’t. Don’t James. Don’t open your mouth and try to explain. You’ll only make it worse,” you seethed. Your hurt had completely transformed into anger.
“We’re done. Go on and snog Lily in front of everyone, yeah? She’s in Gryffindor,” you glared at him, before storming out of the common room, ignoring his protests.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You’d spent the entire day in your room. Thinking, crying, and thinking some more. You’d told Rose, and then also told her you needed some alone time.
She’d been doing a great job at keeping everyone away.
Until now that is.
You heard a soft knock on your dorm room door.
“Please, not now,” you called out, hoping the person would go away.
“I uh- It’s me, Remus,” a soft, uncertain, voice called back.
Your eyes widened and you quickly got off the bed, opening the door to your visitor.
“Remus?” you asked, surprised.
He smiled at you warmly. “Hello love, may I come in?” he asked. You nodded, stepping aside to let him. You closed the door again, watching as he gently placed his bag on the floor before sitting on your bed.
“I had to bribe Rose with 2 weeks of free chocolates,” he laughed.
For the first time in hours, you felt a smile creep up onto your face. “Aww, you did that for me?” you teased, settling down in front of him.
“I’d do anything for you,” he said, quietly. 
You froze, a warmth coating your cheeks and the tips of your ears. 
He sighed, “James is- He’s an idiot. To hurt you like that. It’s-” he shook his head, “It’s fucked up and not fair on you. If I was him, I’d be showing you off,” he said, reaching over to place his hand on your knee.
You felt goosebumps erupt all over you at his touch.
“Even if I’m a hufflepuff?” you smiled sadly.
“Even if you’re a Hufflepuff,” Remus nodded, before adding, “In fact, I’m happy you’re not a Gryffindor, I know too many Gryffindors,” he laughed.
You felt yourself relax at the comforting sound, a small chuckle slipping past your lips as well. 
Remus bent over, searching through his bag before presenting a bouquet of (your favorite flowers).
Your jaw dropped in shock. “I- Are these for me?” you asked, reaching out slowly.
Remus nodded, “Just for you,” he said.
You pulled them close to your face, inhaling the fresh scent. “I love it, Moony, thank you,” you whispered. 
Remus just stared at you, his brown eyes filled with love. For a second, he looked away, as if pondering something, before his eyes landed on his hands. You watched as played with his sweater, shrugging, before taking in a deep breath, and looking into your eyes.
“I know it might be too early, but do you think- would you maybe- I don’t know how to say it,” he sighed, looking away.
You knew what it was immediately. Did you want it? Yes, so very badly. Because you were confident that Remus would treat you right. Even Rose thought so.
He knew you better than James ever had.
“Just say it Remmy,” you said, placing the flowers next to you, before taking his hands in yours.
He looked at you, staring into your eyes. You felt your heart pick up speed, thumping loud against your ribcage.
He shook his head, looking away again, unable to keep eye contact for long. 
You moved closer to him, knitting your hands together, sitting knee to knee. 
“I’d love to be your girlfriend. We- We’ll have to take it slow, but I’d absolutely love to do that Remus,” you said.
He gently untangled your arms, and worry took over. Is that not what he wanted?
But then, his lips were on yours, his hands on your waist, and your head was on cloud nine.
It wasn’t rushed, he took his time, savoring every second. It wasn’t mixed with the fear of being caught. Or the pain of knowing you wouldn’t get it again for a while.
No. You couldn’t think. Your heart took over your body, as you pushed back. Every fiber of your being, lighting up with joy.
It was like your first kiss all over again.
Until, someone threw the door open, and you almost feared how Remus would react.
But he didn’t recoil, or act like nothing had happened. He just backed away, shocked, one hand still on your waist, as the other ran through his hair, eyes closed as he let out a small airy chuckle. 
It was Rose. She was grinning. “I knew it!” she pumped her fist in the air. 
Remus laughed, shaking his head, “Now will you leave us alone? Unless you want to watch?” he asked, eyebrows raised. 
Rose’s eyes widened, and she held her hand up in defense, “No sir,” she said, before leaving, closing the door behind her, causing you to giggle.
Remus turned to you, smiling, pressing his forehead against yours.
“Promise we won’t be a secret?” You whispered.
“I promise,” he responded, pressing his lips to your forehead.
And he stuck to that promise, ‘till your heart went still.
5K notes · View notes
moonstruckme · 13 days
Note
I’m not quite sure if this is too explicit so if it is please feel free to decline, but I was wondering if you could do a poly!marauders x reader who has a past with sexual assault so is kind of iffy and stand offish about sexual inter course? Again, all good if you can’t because it is a touchy subject ! I hope you’re having a lovely day/night !! (p.s. I love your writing so much :3)
Thank you gorgeous, love you <3
cw: trauma response, mention of past sexual assault
poly!marauders x fem!reader ♡ 1.2k words
Sometimes you can feel left out. Of the easy way the boys touch each other, the knowingness they have of the other’s bodies, the in-jokes about intimate aspects of their relationship that aren’t secret from you but you’re not a part of. And you know in your bones, in that thrumming, impossible-to-ignore beat inside your ribcage, that you’re not ready to be a part of them, but it still hurts to have something about your boys that’s separate from you. Some part of them you can’t access, and it’s only because you won’t allow them access to you in return. 
And sometimes, like now, things go astonishingly well. Sometimes you can let them touch you while feeling nothing but the pleasant warmth of love and lust brewing like a potion in your core. Sometimes you can let yourself tug Sirius closer as he kisses you, can swallow the soft sounds he makes into your mouth without your mind taking you anywhere other than this bed, this boy. 
Sometimes you can get so lost in them it feels like the fear can’t find you. 
“Okay?” Sirius’ breathes, setting a tentative hand on the small of your back. He tastes like coca cola, and his lips are a manifestation of every soft and earnest part of him he never shows. “This okay, sweetness?” 
You nod fervently, trying very hard not to think as you tunnel your fingers into the featherdown silkiness of the hair behind his ear. 
“Yeah?” You’re growing quite sick of all his talking, persistent in your kisses even when Sirius breaks them. His mouth curves against yours, sensing this, and his hand settles more comfortably into the curve of your spine. “Alright, you’re in charge. Just let me know if anything’s too much.” 
You make a muffled sound of acknowledgement. Truly, logically, you feel safe with Sirius, the same as you would with Remus or James. It was his idea that you be on top, after Remus figured out that you feel most comfortable when you don’t feel trapped, after James was the one to initiate the conversation on how they can make you feel good while respecting your (admittedly, nebulous and often fickle) boundaries. You haven’t worked up the courage to do anything beyond kissing, and none of them have pushed you. Really, you’ve been the one doing the pushing, wanting more and more from the kissing until it’s turned into this, you and Sirius hiding from dishwashing duty with you on top of him and sucking his face like a dementor.
You grind your hips down into his, and Sirius’ chuckle rumbles through the both of you as he grabs a greedy handful of your ass. 
Your breath stills in your lungs. 
You still completely, actually, every inch of you rigid, from your bum under Sirius’ hand to your eyes, stuck closed tight. The only part of you that seems to get that you’re still alive is your heart, thrashing wildly inside the bars of your ribcage like it wants to escape when you can’t. 
“Shit.” Sirius’ hand flees upward, skimming up your back to safer territory below your shoulder blades. “Shit, sorry, baby. You okay?” 
You want to tell him yes, in every physical, objective, important way you’re just fine. But your breath is frozen solid somewhere between your throat and your lungs, and it won’t let you speak. 
“Sweetheart.” Sirius is starting to sound desperate, though he’s clearly trying to stay calm for your sake. He sets gentle hands at your waist, sitting you up while he eases out from under you. You expect you’ll move like a statue, but your arms move of their own mind once freed, wrapping tight around your middle. “You’re okay, baby, you’re safe. I’m so sorry, I was—I should have asked. I moved too fast, I didn’t mean to scare you. Can you talk to me, please?” 
“Sorry,” you manage. Something comes loose inside you. The air comes back to your lungs, you pull your legs up onto the bed, and laughter unspools from inside you like wire long coiled tight. 
Sirius doesn’t smile. “Don’t be sorry,” he says. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have touched you like that. Are you okay?”
It’s now that James and Remus decide to come and see what you’re up to. At the sound of Sirius’ panic-tight voice, their footsteps hasten down the hallway. James taps on the doorframe and you turn to him so fast your neck clicks. His face is melded by a soft worry. 
“Everything alright?” he asks. 
You nod, but Sirius must signal something different from your other side, because James and Remus advance forward the way one might approach a feral kitten. 
“Are you okay?” Sirius asks again, voice cracking now that the other two are here. 
“Hey, it’s alright, love,” Remus says gently. “Maybe stop touching her for a bit.” You hadn’t even noticed Sirius’ hand gripping your leg, but its removal feels like you’ve lost a thousand pounds. You fight back a shiver. “She’s okay. Aren’t you, darling?” 
To hear worry in even Remus’ voice is significant, and you try to make yours even to counter it. “Yeah,” you agree. “Yeah, sorry, I’m fine.” 
“You don’t need to be sorry,” James promises, crouching in front of you and Sirius. You’ve nowhere to hide from his melty-soft gaze. “What happened?” 
“I went too far.” Sirius’ voice sounds like it hurts, scraping its way out of him. Your heart throbs in response. 
You shake your head, insistent and perhaps a touch too fast. “No, it wasn’t your fault. I was—I—I escalated things, and then it just—”
“Take a deep breath,” Remus instructs. 
“I’m fine,” you say again. 
“Please, sweetheart. Just try.” 
You do, for his sake, pushing air in and out of your lungs like you’re trying to inflate a balloon. They won’t get as full as you want them too, but it’s not until you try that your body seems to catch up to what’s been happening. You start trembling all over. 
“Shit.” Your voice thickens, tears threatening. “Sorry, this is so uncalled for.” 
“It’s not,” James says. “Can I—can I hold your hand, or are you not ready for that yet?” 
“Please,” you squeak out. 
He grasps your hand, and you squeeze tightly, breathing until the tears don’t press at your eyes so insistently. You hate that the ugly thing of your past is touching something this good. That it’s hurting people who aren’t you, like it’s a virus you caught and now you’re spreading it.
“It’s really not your fault,” you tell Sirius, turning to him. “I thought I could handle it.” 
“I shouldn’t have moved without checking,” he replies in a similar tone. “I’m so sorry, sweetness, I never want to scare you like that.” 
You shake your head. “You don’t.” 
A dense silence lapses, not uncomfortable but full of things unsaid. James’ hand is warm in yours. 
“Hug?” you ask Sirius. 
He looks surprised. “Are you sure?” 
You nod, extricating your hand from James’ to wrap your arms around his middle. Sirius is tentative at first, palms placed lightly on the high and low points of your back, but when you hold him tighter he reciprocates. You hear Remus whisper something to James. Sirius’ fingers press into your back, the tip of his nose cold where it squishes into your neck. 
Sometimes, they make you feel completely safe. 
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whenlilyfallsinlove · 1 month
Text
jolene
james potter x reader
this is not a good fic for james.. (love him tho) and my remus bias is SHOWING. i love lily. no lily hate.
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jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene i'm begging of you please don't take my man jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene please don't take him just because you can
a small part of you knew that, although you were the one dating james potter, lily evans still held a place in his heart. i mean it was sad right? someone you were in love with, someone you were dating, was in love with someone else. but for some reason you had grown accustomed to it, was this stupid of you? yes, maybe. but you didn't want to lose james, as both a boyfriend and a friend. so it felt like a logical thing.
you knew lily evans didn't like james either, not even as a friend. she hated the boy. you thought back to the gossip you had had with her, marlene and dorcas when they found out you were dating him.
"merlin y/n, james?" lily had whispered-shouted the very night she found out that you were dating him.
"hey.. he's not that bad." you chuckle.
"that's not gonna convince her, it's a well known fact lils hates james." marlene laughs.
"that's true." you respond.
"and i thought you liked remus anyway." lily teases.
"that was in like 3rd year, i've been over that ages." you feel your face heat. sure you had liked moony once, but you had liked james for a while now.
"he's better than james though, seriously you can do better y/n." lily tells you.
you giggle, but then see dorcas with a confused look on her face.
"you alright dorcas?" marlene raises an eyebrow.
"yeah i just.. i have a question." dorcas speaks up.
you nod at her to speak.
"when did james get over lily? i'm not saying he doesn't like you of course y/n, but up until the other week, he was obsessed with her." dorcas thinks aloud, in all fairness, asking the question on everyones lips.
you sigh.
"i asked him that, he told me he was trying to deflect the fact that he really liked me, and he was too nervous to flirt with me so flirted with lily instead to hide his true feelings." you mutter, now realising that james' reasoning was.. maybe not the best.
"aww thats cute y/n.." marlene sees the look on your face and tries to comfort you.
"yeah." you smile, weakly.
"and don't worry y/n, i would never go anywhere near potter. and i think he does like you and not me." lily reassures you.
noticing your discomfort, the girls changed the subject, but you couldn't nudge the feeling of doubt in your chest. now that you thought about it, james' reasoning felt a bit.. excuse like? but no, he asked you out, not lily. so he must like you?! relationships were complicating; you guessed you'd have to wait to see how things played out.
your beauty is beyond compare with flaming locks of auburn hair with ivory skin and eyes of emerald green
"hello gorgeous." james grins at you cheekily, planting a kiss on your cheek as you take a seat next to him at the gryffindor table.
"guys do we really need to be doing this at eight o'clock in the morning." sirius fake gags. you stick your tongue out at him in response, causing him to laugh.
"just cos you're lonely padfoot." james chuckles.
sirius playfully rolls his eyes at him, and you see remus looking at you from the other side of the table. you smile at him which he returns but looks away quickly, feeling like he's been caught doing something he shouldn't.
james wraps an arm around your waist, and starts telling you whatever new prank him and sirius were planning on snape.
"and then we were planning to turn his hair green." he smiles at you.
"poor snape." you tease.
"what? you planning on leaving me for snivellus?" james raises an eyebrow, playfully.
"of course." you respond chuckling.
your playful banter was interrupted by lily approaching you, carrying your transfiguration book. of course, you invited her to sit with yourself and the marauders but she didn't like to be near james for long periods of time.
"y/n, you left this in our dorm this morning." she smiles at you and hands you the book.
you smile back. she looked extra pretty today, her green eyes sparkling, her auburn hair shiny. it made you feel a little self-conscious.
"thanks lils, what would i do without you?" you laugh.
"you wouldn't be able to cope, that's for sure." lily smiles at you, giving you a wave, heading back to her own seaat.
"thank godric for that, mcgonagall would've been fuming-" you turn back to james, your words faltering seeing his face.
his face was bright red and he looked distracted as he gazed off into the distance. you followed his gaze to see what was wrong with him. then you realised. james was looking at lily. and he had a stupid goofy smile on his face. what a prick! he was YOUR boyfriend.
"james, are you okay?" you snap him out of his daze.
"yeah yeah, perfectly fine love." he turns back to you, his blush fading.
then it was as if everything was back to normal. sirius, james and peter engaging back into their normal conversation. you were quieter however. remus remained quiet as well, noticing the dejected look on your face. he gave you a comforting smile across the table and you gave him a weak one in return.
at that moment, you wished nothing more to be lily evans.
your smile is like a breath of spring your voice is soft like summer rain and i cannot compete with you jolene.
"i don't want to feel like a second choice to you james! i love you." you sighed. this was yours and james's first argument. and you HATED it.
"i love you too y/n, of course you're not my second choice!" james tries to comfort you.
"i just feel like you're just settling for me because lily doesn't like you!" you admitted.
"well that's not true y/n, i told you.. i was using lily to coverup my feelings for you." james lets out a exasperated sigh.
"sometimes it doesn't feel that way james, i don't want to be the person you settle for just because you cannot have her (iykyk)" you rub your forehead with your hand.
"y/n.." james puts his arm around you. "it's you i'm dating.. not evans. don't be jealous!"
you scoff. "of course i'm jealous, she's beautiful and you were obsessed with her long before dating me."
"and i'm not anymore. just drop it y/n. i love you not her." james frowns.
you sigh and cave in.
"i don't like arguing with you james." you say, as you rest your head on his shoulder.
"i don't like arguing with you either y/n" he sighs, and pulls you closer.
you couldn't stop thinking about lily though. you were friends with her, and she would never intentionally hurt you. you knew deep down james still liked her, feelings don't go away that easy.
he talks about you in his sleep and there's nothing i can do to keep from crying when he calls your name jolene
gryffindor house were infamous for throwing the best parties. and tonight was living proof. gryffindor had just won a quidditch match against slytherin which of course meant a big celebration. and of course, your boyfriend and captain of the team james potter was the main centre of attention.
"he's nuts." you shake your head at sirius, when you see james dancing and obnoxiously singing to dancing queen by abba in the middle of the common room.
"he's bloody brilliant." sirius takes a sip of firewhiskey, chuckling.
the man in question headed towards you.
"y/n, would you care to join me." he jokingly bows down, holding his hand out for you to take.
"indeed i would." you giggle and take his hand.
he pulls you to the middle of the common room, twirling you around/ you laugh and join in singing and dancing. you could tell he was a little drunk but you didn't mind.
as the party went on, you had somehow lost contact with james. he was a social butterfly of course, probably talking to his friends. you yourself were stood with marlene, dorcas and lily, sipping your drinks, giggling at the antics of some of your housemates.
the party eventually thinned out, at about 3 in the morning, when mcgonagall told them to quiet down. eventually it was just you and as you looked towards the jukebox (which was playing jolene by dolly parton) remus carrying a half unconscious james.
you walked up to the two.
"he's drunk too much." remus chuckles.
"unsurprising, i'm sure he had already had about 4 firewhiskeys in the first hours." you smile affectionately at james.
remus notices your smile, and smiles wider.
"you don't usually come to parties, do you remus?" your question catches remus off guard.
"n-no i don't. just wanted to support my friends." he responds, knowing that was probably a good answer judging by the smile on your face.
you turn back to look at james.
"let's get you to bed ay?" you say, trying to wake him.
"l-lily?" james whispers, seemingly in his sleep.
your heart dropped. of course he was dreaming about lily.
"i'm not lily." you grit your teeth. "would you rather have her take care of you?"
remus sees your face and is quick to comfort you.
"don't worry y/n, he's drunk, he probably doesn't know any better." he says.
you nod and sit down on one of the armchairs.
how could you ever compete with lily evans?
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mangomonk · 9 months
Text
i thought that i was dreaming when you said you loved me
↳ summary: read this drabble first! goodie two shoes!remus, afraid of being perceived as other, stumbles into a relationship at the expense of y/n. ↳ content: angst, one-sided fake dating ↳ a/n: a little nervous because this is my first time writing for remus pls be gentle w me! for full enjoyment, listen to ivy by frank ocean (i looped it the entire time i wrote this). the more i wrote this, the more i realized i could turn this into a full blown million word fic, but i tried to keep it as condensed as possible, hence some time skips/summarization. pt. 2 here!
When Remus Lupin confesses — no, announces — that he likes her in the middle of the Great Hall, she thinks she's dreaming. Surely, she didn't hear that correctly. Only hours earlier, she had witnessed the doe-eyed boy unleash a slew of curses beneath his breath. I guess everyone has bad days, she had thought. Even Remus, who she had always pegged as straight-laced and well-mannered.
So when a half a dozen heads turn to stare at her directly, Y/N turns to see if there's anyone behind her. When she sees no one, she turns back forward. It's when Remus Lupin's soft, brown gaze meets hers that her heart stutters dangerously in her chest. She can't help it despite the bewilderment she feels — everyone in the castle has to have some sort of crush on the fluffy-haired boy. He's all soft, disarming smiles and beautiful, brown eyes and knitted jumpers and gentle laughter and—
—and Y/N goes red in the face right away. It doesn't help when Remus tilts his head to the side slightly and offers a small, uncertain smile. Merlin, help me, Y/N thinks as she stares back, wide-eyed, her confusion and any thoughts briefly neutralized at the way his eyes crinkle into little half-moons.
— — — — —
Y/N has always prided herself on being a sharp judge of character. It soon became clear to her, however, that Remus Lupin was a strange, but intriguing case of contradicting character.
Following his confession — rather, announcement — in the Great Hall, she becomes overly conscious of the tall boy. It feels as though she's suddenly very aware that they have most of their classes together, that he sits only a seat away from her in Charms, that he has chicken scratch for handwriting when she passes him in the library. The latter comes as a surprise — perhaps unfairly, she would have pegged him as a swooping cursive type of boy. In any case, it soon becomes the case that Y/N realizes that she can find Remus easily in a room of crowded students, and the more she does, the more she begins to realize that Remus is a boy full of surprises.
This doesn't seem to matter though, because strangely, after his confession in the Great Hall, Remus does not once approach her. Occasionally, she catches him glancing at her with an odd expression, but outside of an increase in being stared at by the other students, little changes in her life.
It isn't until a week later when her seat partner in Charms is out that their paths cross again. When she trudges to her seat in class, she becomes very quickly aware that they're separated only by an empty chair. She doesn't look away fast enough because Remus looks up as she pulls her chair out, his gaze snagging on to hers with an intensity that she doesn't expect from the softness of his eyes.
"Good morning," he says slowly, almost uncertainly. Up close, Y/N can see a splay of pale freckles across his cheekbones. His lashes are unfairly, distractingly long as he gazes up at her.
"Hi," Y/N says, equally uncertain, though she tries to keep her voice light and casual. No one's ever really had a crush on her before, and she finds herself floundering on how to act. Shouldn't he be the nervous one, and not her? Somehow though, she can feel her palms begin to sweat, though Remus doesn't look nervous at all. Just sharp and assessing. Fortunately though, before the air between them can turn any awkwarder, a mussed-haired head pops up from around Remus.
"Y/N, right?" James Potter asks with a wide grin. His glasses are skewed and crooked on his face as he peers around Remus at her rather owlishly.
Next to him, Remus blinks a few times as she nods, opening her mouth to speak when Professor Flitwick clears his throat to begin class.
She tries to focus on taking notes, but it's difficult when she can see Remus casting her sidelong glances from her peripheral view. She gives up on trying to focus on class entirely when a folded piece of parchment flits over the gap between them with a familiar chicken scratch.
Can we talk after class?
After class, Y/N has a ridiculous, irrational flash of self-consciousness that the humidity has made her hair begin to frizz. Remus doesn't seem to notice as she rakes a hand quickly through her hair because a nervous, almost agitated, energy is rolling off of him as he paces in the courtyard.
When he catches sight of her, he stops, a warm smile breaking across his face, though Y/N feels that it doesn't quite reach his eyes. But the new knowledge that Remus has a dimple on his left cheek and his smile is just slightly crooked is enough to disarm any wariness. Unexpectedly his nervous energy seems to dissipate immediately. "Hi," he says, "You came."
"I got your note," Y/N says, inwardly grimacing — of course he knew that already, he had been sitting next to her.
"Right, well, I, er—" Remus begins choppily, his hand rising to rub at the nape of his neck. "I was wondering about... Earlier, last week, when you saw me... Did you say anything to anyone?"
Y/N blinks at him once, then twice, blankly. "Earlier?" She questions, before the heat begins to rise to her face. He must have been referring to his confession. "I haven't said anything to anyone."
Remus's brows furrow for a moment before his face relaxes. He's surprisingly difficult to read — it feels as though any trickle of emotion is covered with a disarming soft smile. "I see," he says after a moment, his shoulders relaxing. "Right, well, Y/N," he begins, looking around them distractedly. "—shall we date?" Y/N straightens with a jolt as he continues. "I won't be offended if you say no. In fact, I'd understand if you said no, we've barely—"
She doesn't know what it is exactly. Maybe it was the curious thought that Remus might not be the charming prince he seemed to be. Maybe it was the dimple in his left cheek. Maybe it was the way he said her name. But something in Y/N slipped through her confusion and the unceremonious nature of the whole thing, because she finds herself speaking before she can stop herself. "Yeah. Let's date."
Remus's face goes slack. He looks a little startled, Y/N thinks, like she's clubbed him over the head. "Are you sure?" He blurts, eyes widening a fraction. It's perhaps the most emotion she's seen him show so far. Y/N writes it off as nerves and incredulity.
She nods once, firmly.
"I guess that's settled," he says weakly with furrowed brows, though he looked neither pleased nor displeased.
— — — — —
Initially, Y/N and Remus are as awkward as can be. She's not sure if it's because neither of them have really ever been in a relationship before, but it feels clumsy in the beginning.
Their dates start off mostly as study dates in the library, but Y/N doesn't mind — to her pleasure, she finds that they eerily work well together and she likes the calm peace of Remus's presence while she's studying. She likes to think that he also finds comfort in her presence because it's become ritual for him to ask her about the book she's reading, and vice versa. In a few weeks, they start reading the same books. Maybe it's because they spend so much time together studying that it becomes gradually more comfortable.
When they go to Hogsmeade for the first time together, Y/N finds that they end up walking around the village and chatting nearly until curfew. She tells him about what it's like growing up with three brothers — "It doesn't seem very different from the Marauders," Remus observes with a wry laugh — and he tells her stories of how despite moving around periodically during his child, his mother always found a little corner in the yard to start an herb garden.
He does all the things she'd imagine a boyfriend might — Remus is a gentleman, expectedly. He holds the door open for her, gives her his jumper when there was a draft in the library, walks her back to the Common Room at night.
But, unexpectedly, it isn't Remus's soft smiles or considerate aura that Y/N finds herself straining to see. But it was when he threw his head back and laughed himself breathless at James holding his wand on the wrong end that Y/N found it impossible to tear her eyes away from him. Or when he shot her a dour look the first time she teased him on his illegible chicken scratch. Or when Remus cursed like a sailor when he knocked his ink pot over onto his parchment because he was always so uncoordinated and graceless.
It was perhaps impossible not to fall in love with Remus Lupin. Though maybe she already knew this from the start when he first looked at her, and even more so the first time he said her name.
She liked the way he would groan and complain and grumble as he stretched out his lithe limbs in preparation of helping Peter with his essay that he had procrastinated on, even after she could see the exhaustion begin to pool under his pretty eyes. She liked that he could silence the boys with just one baleful look. She liked the way he fell asleep on his books when he thought no one was looking. She liked his dry remarks and his wolfish grin and his grumpy mood. She liked all the rough edges that Remus showed her when he would forget to put up a soft smile.
It was too easy to love Remus Lupin, though it seemed like he didn't know that himself.
It only takes four full moons for Y/N to understand what the Marauders meant whenever they quietly referred to Remus's furry little problem. In the first place, they weren't always discreet — it was easy for them to forget she was there when she was studying in the background. In the second place, Remus would apologetically cancel their studying plans around the same time each month, and he would disappear for a few days and come back exhausted with fresh scars. It wasn't difficult to put two and two together, really.
But while she understood why he didn't tell her, she couldn't help but give him a tighter hug when she realized.
"Something wrong, love?" He had asked, reaching up to caress the back of her hair as she squeezed his abdomen.
"No," she had mumbled into his shirt, breathing in his familiar scent. She could feel affection swell inside her so violently she felt a little dizzy as she gave him another squeeze. "Just wish I could always be hugging you."
"No one's stopping you," Remus had responded dryly. She smiled into his chest as he rested his chin on the crown of her head. "Certainly not me."
— — — — —
When Y/N tries to discreetly deliver a small care package of chocolate and books a few nights before the next full moon, she accidentally overhears Peter ask James when Remus was ending his fake relationship.
"I doubt it'll raise any suspicions now that no one's pestering him about not having a girlfriend," she hears Peter say.
James makes a noncommittal sort of noise. "You know how Remus is about these things. He's always on edge that someone will think he's the odd one out—"
She feels like the ground beneath her has stuttered and shifted into an open chasm as her mind whirls to make sense of their conversation. For a moment, she thinks she's wrong, but like it was with Remus's furry little problem, if she thinks back on the stranger moments of the past four months, it's not difficult to piece it together. She begins to feel a little ill.
How many times did he force himself to smile at her stories? How many times after walking her back to the Common Room at night did he sigh with relief when she left? How many times did he wait for other students to be around to hold her hand? All the heart-fluttering moments she had thought had been magical and wonderful and incredible with Remus had been entirely one-sided. How humiliating. She feels used and dirty and pathetic, but the worse thing is that she can't feel angry.
She doesn't know how long she stands paralyzed outside, just that it's difficult to breathe or think properly. All she can feel is a numbing ache in her chest, and the feeling tightens when she hears a familiar voice behind her.
"Hmm?" Remus hums, a smile breaking across his face. The dimple in his left cheek appears briefly. "What are you doing here, love?" When she doesn't respond, he steps closer to her and peers at her face carefully, his big, brown eyes soft. "What's wrong?" He asks, gently looping his arms around her waist. Y/N goes perfectly still under his touch. "I knew you'd be studying for the Ancient Runes exam all day, so got some cakes from the kitchen for—"
"Remus," she interrupts suddenly, her throat gone cottony and dry as she raises her gaze to finally look at him. It sends a sharp pang through her chest again. "Are we ever going to kiss?"
Bizarrely, scarlet splotches appear swiftly on the high points of Remus's cheek as his eyes widen a fraction. "Kiss," he repeats, sounding strangled as he stares at her wide-eyed, looking as though she had clubbed him over the head. "You want to kiss?" He asks after a moment, his voice hoarse as his eyes flicker down to her lips.
"Do you want to kiss me?" She asks quietly, watching his throat bob as he swallows thickly.
"I've wanted to since—" Remus says softly, a little nonsensically, his eyes darting back down to her lips. His pupils are blown wide and dark as he swallows, his throat bobbing. “Y/N,” he murmurs, and she can feel his breath brush against her nose. She tries to control the thumping in her chest as he slowly leans in and raises his hand to cup her face. Remus looks down at her with a sweet adoration she knows cannot be real. She's seen this sort of soft look from him countless times before and now she knows better than anyone that it's just another cover. Perhaps it was perfectly clear since the start, but she had let herself get swept away with naive hope. The start of nothing. She feels like a fool.
Remus's head ducks slightly as the space between them closes. Y/N goes perfectly still as she watches his other hand rise, his fingers trembling a little as they reach to curve around her jaw.
For a moment, she entertains the thought and wonders what would happen if she just closes her eyes. She could close her eyes, could lean in and feel his eyelashes brush her cheek, could let him kiss her senseless. It would be so easy. It scares her a little how much she wants that.
Before she can betray herself, Y/N closes her hand around his wrist. “You can stop now,” she says, her voice low and steadier than she felt.
Remus freezes, his dazed expression crumpling in confusion. She takes a steadying breath, swallowing back the bile in her throat as she schools her expression with difficulty. Y/N places his wrist back down away from her face and lets go as she continues, despite the dull ache in her chest. “I wanted to know how far you would go,” she continues quietly. “How far you thought I would be willing to go.”
“I don’t understand—” Remus begins, a myriad of stricken dismay, alarm, and something else flickering across his face. For a moment, she thinks it’s the residue of desire, but she quickly remembers how good of an actor Remus is, and doesn’t let herself entertain that thought that it’s anything else besides panic for being caught.
"I know you're just using me," Y/N says, her throat dry. Her voice, to her mortification, cracks and comes out as a croak. Any sense of anger deflates immediately and all she can feel is this crumbling sense of defeat. “I should have known that something was strange when you suddenly confessed. We had never even really talked before that. I mean, I thought that I was dreaming when you said you liked me—"
“No, it's because—”
"I know why you did it," she whispers. Remus freezes, the color draining from his face. "The worse part of all this is that I can't find it in myself to hate you for using me. But I had just thought that you didn’t think so little of me as to…” She doesn’t finish as she stares down at the space between them, swallowing thickly. She feels ill. The last sentence had come out before she realized it. So that was what it was — disappointment.
"Did you even know my name before James said it?" She asks with a bark of a forced laugh as she straightens, setting her shoulders now though she still has a difficult time looking directly at him.
Remus swallows thickly as he steps forward. His pause is enough of an answer. "Let me explain,” he begins quickly, his words tumbling out in a frantic mess. “Y/N, wait,” he starts, reaching out.
“Don’t touch me, Lupin,” she says dejectedly, stepping away from him. Remus flinches and freezes, his expression falling, but she can't bring herself to look at him in the eye anymore. Y/N stares at the worn patch of carpet by her shoe as she swallows thickly before turning to leave. "You can tell everyone that you broke up with me if it helps you."
— — — — —
a/n: thx for reading! pt. 2 here my masterlist here
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