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#probs won’t be back for a bit
midnightreid · 1 year
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Forgot about this app for a couple months…again.
I really used to write smut…huh.
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mars-ipan · 1 month
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folks i think i want a wolf cut. but i cannot decide on color. help me
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raksh-writes · 11 months
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I have a Bunch of posts in my likes chilling and waiting to be reblogged/queued up but Im ngl, Ive barely opened up tumblr the last few days and Im way too mentally drained these days to do much more than scroll, soooo... yeah, if anyone's wondering, I guess I might be considered on a little hiatus, taking a break from being online or something 😅 My queue still have some stuff in it, so that's gonna be going on, and hopefully I'll add more soon when I feel up to it 😅 Sooo, that's been that, I guess, lmao.
Hope y'all are having a great day and wish y'all a lovely rest of the week! ^^
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simplyghosting · 2 years
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*regular conversation when I give a massage*
Person: Wow that feels so much better!
Me: I’m glad
Person: So who gives you massages?
Me: 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😝🥲😂
Me: Anyway drink a bottle of water after this
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star-girl69 · 4 months
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So It Goes…
Clarisse La Rue x Fem!AphroditeCabin!Reader
—-
sypnosis: the one day chiron decides to switch up the capture the flag teams, and everyone knows you’re clarisse’s weakness, In A Good Way sequel!!
i changed my theme it’s me tho promise
a/n: protective clarisse the love of my life i love you i do i think we should get married actually anyways this one is sooooooo i got to explore a more casual side of clar’s and reader’s relationship in this (for like a min) i hope you all enjoy!!
So It Goes… - Taylor Swift
warnings: soft clarisse my love, protective clarisse we KNOW how i feel abt her…., also slightly possessive clarisse i think i love you too, again clarisse gets a bit too into capture the flag, clarisse picks reader up which i KNOW is not inclusive (im literally plus-sized idk what the hell am i doing) but it was so good i couldn’t resist, she has like super strength probs so i’ll just believe (she literally could not pick me up i need to stop being delusional), swearing, violence, kissing, a bit suggestive but nothing crazy, tell me if i missed anything!!
—-
Clarisse’s bed is one of your favorite places. You’ve spent so many nights here, wrapped up in her arms, feeling like no one could touch you. And you’ve spent secret days with her hands on your waist, yours in her hair, lips pressed together so tight it’s like you were each other’s oxygen.
You love Clarisse’s bed. And you know Clarisse loves her bed too, seeing as it’s a huge source of pride for her- it’s the best bunk in the cabin, and she gets a major kick over the fact that you sleep here just as much as you sleep in your own cabin.
You’re sitting down, watching Clarisse pace back and forth, her spear in her hand.
“Clarisse,” you say. She brought you here just fo freak out. Now she won’t sit down and let you help her, and she wont just freaking listen. “Clarisse, baby, what’s wrong? Can you at least put your spear down so you don’t accidentally kill somebody? If you kill me with that I’m gonna come back and kill you.”
She stops for a moment and leans her spear up against the wall. You let out a sigh.
“Now just sit down-”
She resumes her pacing.
As much as you love just being in Clarisse’s presence, as much as you know you’re her rock, the only thing that keeps her tethered in the storm she constantly fights through, you need her to let you help her.
“Clarisse!” you stand up, placing your hands on her shoulders. “You’re freaking me out, okay? What happened? I-I’m sure we can fix it, I mean…” you rub your hands up and down your arms, which you know she likes, her muscles are one of her biggest sources of pride.
She sits down, letting you stand in between her legs, her hands moving to hold your hips.
“Sorry,” she mumbles. She’s not very good at handling her emotions, but she’s getting better, and at least she’s able to recognize and apologize when her emotions are hurting other people. Well, you, at least. She breathes out. “Chiron decided to switch the teams.”
And now she had to work with the Athena cabin? The Gods know after the Ares and Athena cabins have captained opposing teams for years, Chiron pretends there’s not, but everyone knows there’s a deep rivalry. More than just friendly competition.
“The Demeter cabin will be on the red team.”
“Okay,” you say, squeezing her shoulders. You aren’t really close with anyone from the Demeter cabin, it doesn’t really bother you much.
“And… the Aphrodite cabin will be on the blue team.”
“Oh.”
You’ve never not been on Clarisse’s team for capture the flag. Not only does the entire red team’s tactic rest on you using your charmspeak to protect the flag, but what the hell are you supposed to do fighting against Clarisse?
She wraps her arms around your waist, flopping back onto her bed and bringing you down on top of her.
“I know it’s all Annabeth and Luke behind this. I’m sure that little smartass has made up some sick plan to make me go insane.”
You scoff, planting your hands behind her head on the bed. “You’re the one who can actually fight. I’m, like, so bad it’s not even funny, Clar.”
“You beat me all the time,” she frowns.
And it’s true, you spar with her at least 3 or 4 times a week, and you win most of the those times. But Clarisse moves slower, she doesn’t hit as hard, she anticipates your next move and doesn’t block it so you can land a hit.
“We both know you let me win.”
“I like seeing you smile,” she says, her own matching smile on her face.
“Okay, you big romantic.” You let your hands slip, laying your head against her chest and your arms flat around her head. “It’s not that big of a deal, Clar. I’m sure it’ll be fine, then Chiron’ll probably switch them back.”
“Annabeth convinced him to do it. She has some sort of plan, Y/N, she does.”
“You’ve mentioned,” you hum. “Stop stressing. Nothing we can do about it.”
“Fine,” she hisses.
She wraps her arms around your waist and throws you to the side so you yelp, now she’s climbing on top of you, laying her head on your chest.
“It’s going to be the worst game of capture the flag in history, you know. I hope you’re happy, I don’t even know what I’m gonna do without you. I mean, I guess I could move that group in the west side to just south of the flag, so that’ll be a bit more for them to get through. Oh, I’ll stick that one good archer on the ground- no, no that wouldn’t work, I need him in the trees. But I’ll move his position-”
—-
You walk to the woods together. When it’s time to split up, Clarisse grabs you by your armor and points her finger into your chest.
“Clar, what the hell are you doing-”
“Don’t do anything I would do.”
“Okay, Clarisse,” you smile, blinking once to avoid rolling your eyes at her ridiculousness.
She smirks, her arm squeezing your waist. She pecks you on the lips before pulling away completely.
“Done making out?” Jackie asks, her and Tyla suddenly appearing next to you.
“It was one kiss, Jacks. Are you sure we have the same Mom?”
“No, honestly.”
You fall into step with the two of them, laughing as you make your way through the woods and to the edge of the river.
Chiron makes his usual speech, the conch sounds, and everyone starts moving around.
Annabeth finds the three of you soon after. Tyla and Jackie fall away, following your other siblings. Annabeth always has this calculating look on her face, like she knows something you don’t, a true child of Athena. You have to admit, she really is one of the smartest people you know.
“Annabeth,” you smile. “I guess you want me by the flag?”
“No, I debated that, but I decided against it.”
She smirks and looks at you before spinning around, pointing to Luke and his team members who are always in charge of getting the flag.
“You’ll be with Luke.”
You frown. “You do realize I have absolutely no skill in battle, right, Annabeth?”
“Yeah, but skill doesn’t matter when you have power. Power over someone.”
“Oh, okay. Who do you want me to charmspeak-”
“Charmspeak whoever you come across, but that’s not what I’m talking about. You have power over Clarisse. I know she’s defending the flag today, right?”
She looks at you sharply.
You smile. “Oh, I really don’t know. But if you say so, sure.”
She starts walking, you follow her.
“Clarisse doesn’t talk strategy to you? I mean, I talk Luke’s ear off.”
“Oh, no, she does, I just don’t really retain any of it.”
She huffs a small sound of laughter.
“I know she’ll be there,” she affirms.
“If you say so!” you say, all sing song, Luke smiling as he meets your eyes.
“Y/N! How’s it feel to finally be on the winning team?”
“I love being on the red team, thanks for asking.”
“Ha. You’re so funny, are you sure you’re not a child of Apollo?”
“Too beautiful,” you glide your hands down your face. “I get it from my godly mother.”
“Luke, do you know what you’re doing?” Annabeth asks.
“Yes ma’am.”
She smiles and walks away, talking to more people while you can faintly hear Clarisse shouting at people. With the change in tactic, you know she’s been slightly stressed, but she won’t allow herself to feel anything other than confidence, outwardly.
She still walks tall. She still grips her spear in her hand a little to tight. She’s a bit too greedy with the things that are hers, she grabs on a bit too tight, but you know it’s just because she’s scared. You like it.
If this were a regular game, you would probably be walking next to Clarisse right now, or kissing her goodbye while you follow Matty and everyone else to go protect the flag.
When you and Clarisse first started dating, she was slow to be so affectionate, but the more of her walls you started breaking down the more you found a complicated teenage girl who felt unloved, and had a lot of love to give too.
The more confident she became in your private relationship, the more she wanted everyone to know. It was her fatal flaw, pride, hubris. She wanted everyone to know she was yours and your were hers. She wanted everyone to be jealous.
“I’m so glad we don’t have to wear those horrible earplugs today. They always make me worried. Someone could be shouting a few feet away and none of us would hear.”
“Stop gloating, Luke.”
“I’m just expressing my gratitude, Y/N, is that not allowed?”
“I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”
“Oh, oh, I know. You’re sad, aren’t you?”
“Sad?” you snort.
“Yeah, sad. Sad you aren’t with Clarisse. You’re devastated, destroyed, wrecked.”
You put your hand on your sword. “Who are you… and what have you done with Luke Castellan? Luke doesn’t know that many words…”
He hits your shoulder. “Shut up, Y/N.”
—-
You’re walking through the woods.
Not sneaking around in stealth, not running, but walking.
You’ve come across a few of your former team members, but one of the blue team just tackles them and you tell them to turn around and count to 5,000.
For some reason, it’s worse than sitting by the rock, waiting for someone to make a play for the flag. At least at the rock you’re surrounded by all these people you know. You and Matty are usually talking, Marjorie sometimes joins, and you all have fun bullying Corey for that one time he didn’t see the blue team coming.
Luke’s voice drops to a whisper.
“Here’s your job. You can either, one, go make out with Clarisse in a corner, which shouldn’t be too hard-”
“Luke,” you hit his shoulder. He hisses.
“I’m joking, joking. Just keep her distracted, fight her, maybe pull your shirt down a bit? Oh, or I can just cut it so it’s a bit more revealing-”
“Luke, shut up or else I will make you.”
“It’s not a bad idea-”
“Luke!”
“Sh, sh,” he whispers. “Don’t be so loud, we’re almost to the flag. We’re going for stealth, okay?”
“Oh, really, I didn’t notice,” you deadpan. He looks around.
“Blue team, stealth mode, alright?”
Everyone nods. You roll your eyes. You miss the red team.
—-
After Luke gives you the ok, meaning the blue team has successfully surrounded the red team and the clearing, you take a step forward.
Annabeth was right. Clarisse is there.
It’s fitting. If you can’t be there, she would.
You look up at Corey, but he hasn’t noticed any of you yet. You frown, thinking about how he’s probably going to get beat up.
“Clarisse!” you shout. You watch everyone jump into defensive positions. She can’t see you yet, but she stares in the direction of your voice, her eyes squinting, smiling softly.
“Luke?” she shouts. “That you?”
You frown.
“What the hell?” you say, stepping forward. “You don’t recognize my voice? I thought that was really smart. Like, a cool way to reveal myself, I don’t know.”
You come into the clearing, sword by your side.
Clarisse’s smile drops.
“I-I- no, baby, I just wasn’t expecting Annabeth to send you here-”
“Do I really sound like Luke?”
“No,” she says, immediately. “You sound like an angel.
Matty laughs. Clarisse stabs his foot with the end of her spear. She smiles at you.
“Is Luke here though?” Marjorie asks, subtly trying to look through the trees.
“I don’t know.”
“Well, you do,” Matty snorts.
“You’re going to tell me though right, baby?” Clar smiles, stepping closer until she’s right in front of you.
“Obviously not, you didn’t recognize me. I’m, like, really hurt by that Clarisse-”
“Gods, Clarisse,” Matty shouts at the sky, laughing. You didn’t recognize her, and now we’re all fucked!”
“Shut the fuck up, Matty,” she says over her shoulder. She looks at you, smiling again, her hand reaching out to touch your face. “I’ll let you do that thing you’ve always wanted to do.”
You smile, your voice dropping to a whisper. “You’ll let me give you a makeover? Really?”
“Yes.” Her teeth grit, but she keeps smiling, her thumb rubbing your cheek.
“Hm, I don’t know,” you mutter, your eyes fixing on her spear when you suddenly reach forward, grabbing it from her hands and turning to run away.
The blue team emerges from the woods with war cries, swords start clashing, and it all happens so fast.
The plan was for you to grab her spear, make her chase you around the woods, and hopefully the blue team would be able to overpower the red team without her.
Instead, Clarisse kicks out her foot, tripping you. Then, she catches you and the spear in what you swear has to be a milisecond.
“Clarisse!” you shout, genuinely offended. She beat you so easily. It wasn’t even a fight. You didn’t even get the chance to run.
“Sorry, baby, it’s capture the flag!”
You about to start kicking like a wild animal when she suddenly lets you go. Luke is there, fighting her while you pick your sword up from the ground that fell in the commotion.
One of your team members dropped their helmet and you pick that up too.
You’re not that bad of a fighter, Clarisse just knows everything about you, you tell yourself. But your pride is slightly wounded and you want to prove to her, yourself, and everyone that you’re not just a weak Aphrodite kid or some poor thing that hangs off Clar’s arm.
You can hold your own.
You stick the helmet on and step into the fight. Someone groans and a sword comes wishing through the air, but you block it.
They swing again.
You block it.
You picked up things from Clarisse, and, besides, you weren’t just sparring for fun. She actually teaches you, better than the actual sword practice teacher if your biased opinion is to be trusted.
But you probably just feel that way because she rewards you with kisses.
It seems like you’re actually winning for a second, about to disarm him, when he seems to get fed up with fighting you and suddenly arcs hard over your head, making you lose your footing and letting him kick you.
You land on your back, groaning and trying to catch your breath.
“That was such a bitchy move,” you mumble. He leans over you, about to kick the sword out of your hand-
“I’m gonna fucking kill you, Samuel.”
She holds her spear right under his throat, and he finally seems to look at your face instead of just your blue helmet.
“Shit. Sorry. Sorry, Clarisse, I’m sorry.”
She looks like she’s about to kill him but she just pushes him away.
“I was winning,” you groan. “But then he kicked me.”
She kicks him as he walks away.
You expect her to tug you up and start lecturing you but instead she leans down and throws you over her shoulder.
“Wha- Clarisse!”
“That’s enough for you today,” she says, patting the back of your thigh.
“Clarisse, I swear to Hades, let me down!”
“One second,” she mumbles.
When she places you down on the ground again, you’re leaning against a tree. She grabs your hand, frowning at something.
It’s the smallest cut, barely there, but Clarisse of course acts like it’s the end of the world.
“Does it hurt?”
Your eyes fix on Luke behind her, stalking slowly towards her turned back.
“No, Clar, it’s fine. Now I-”
“I think you should go the nurse.”
Your mouth drops open. “Clarisse, it’s a paper cut!”
“And if it gets infected? Go away, Luke, I can hear you.”
He locks eyes with you but ultimately turns around with a very scared and annoyed look on his face.
“Now do you see why I was all messed up? I knew this was going to happen. You were gonna get hurt, and it was going to be my fault.”
You roll your eyes. “It’s not your fault, Clarisse-”
“But isn’t it? You would have been at the flag if Annabeth hadn’t known how much you mean to me. Instead, you were here. Instead, you were rushing off to go fight someone-”
“I’m not a damsel in distress, Clar!”
She presses her lips together.
“I can fight too. Not as good as you, but I can. I-I don’t want to be weak, I don’t want to rely on you for everything, it’s- it’s embarrassing.”
You didn’t even know you were feeling this way until you felt it. But it’s always been there, you guess. You always watch Clarisse spar and know she could never do anything like that with you. And you thought you were fine with it, and you are fine with having things that you like and things that she likes- but you don’t want to be so useless anymore.
She’s silent for a second.
“I- I get that. I do. But I just don’t know how to tell you I… I love you without showing it. I’m not good at saying it, you know that.”
“Clarisse,” you frown.
She puts her hands on your face.
“You are… the most precious thing in the world to me, Y/N. I really hope you know that.”
You wrap your arms around her neck, you can feel her heart thump from the fight.
“I know that, Clarisse. Of course I know that. You show me every day, I just- I just want to feel like my own person.”
She grips you tighter. “If it’ll make you happy, I’ll teach you to fight. But you have to do it how I say, and you can’t go off and do this-”
You pull back so you can make sure this is real.
“Really?” you smile.
“You have to listen to me, Y/N, and do it slowly, okay-”
“Yes, yes, yes, okay, yes,” you breathe, planting your hands on your face before kissing her. It’s slow, it’s sweet, it’s exactly what you think of when you think of her. You think of the side that’s yours, the side that only you can see.
You break it, leaning down to pick up her spear.
The red team is losing the fight behind you.
“Ok, go win capture the flag. And I’ll stay here. My hand does kinda hurt,” you mumble.
She smiles and kisses your cheek. “Not just a paper cut, huh?”
“Can I still give you a makeover?” you ask as she turns away.
“Maybe!”
—-
y/n: what why did you not recognize me ☹️☹️
clarisse, genuinely terrified: i have no idea what the hell you are talking about please please please don’t take away kissing privileges please please please
—-
taglist:
@lvrue @t-wylia @laughingcheese037 @kroumi @urdeadpoet @colezb @rey26 @harmzilla @elliewilliamsbae @amberfreemansburntface @kyuupidwrites @neverwaakeme-up @shark1008
(pls ignore it’s for the acc aesthetics thank you!!)
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seuonji · 7 months
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彡 my heart is beating for two. — yoon jeonghan
part 1 ๑ part 2 ๑ part 3
notes ๑ daycare worker yn! x secretary jeonghan — you’re a worker at the daycare and of course, your main priority is the safety of the kids. how’d you deal with an unfamiliar face trying to pick up one of the kids one day?
genre ๑ fluff, new interest.
warnings ๑ none
word count ๑ 1k
from aya: please reblog if you enjoyed! feedback is always appreciated<3
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it was a hectic but fun shift at your daycare job. the kids love you and you equally got along with them. your coworkers reasoned that it was because of your youthfulness that made working with them a breeze and you couldn’t disagree.
there was just 5 kids left and it was nearing the hour that would mean you’re working overtime but you didn’t mind.
the kids played with the toys around the room but you had just tidied up the place so they made sure to not make too much of a mess.
just as you were about to settle down on the floor, the doorbell rang signalling a parent was there. you instantly got up and chuckled at the way you didn’t even get to touch the floor.
you took a look to the glass entrance door to see who was there and usually you’d be able to recognise the parent/guardian but you have never seen this person ever. you looked over the kids in the room and back to the door. “i’ll be back okay, stay here,” you instructed to the kids who gave a sweet nod.
at the entrance stood a tall, lanky man. you couldn’t tell what his age could be but if you had to guess, he was probably your age or a bit older. he had hair that framed his face well and he was definitely someone that could brag about his looks. his appearance made your heart flutter.
often when you couldn’t recognise someone, you’d fear that this was a complete stranger, could be be those kidnappers but you didn’t get those vibes from him. or was it the pretty privilege?
you pressed the button which unlocked the door and he stepped in, “hi, i’m here for choi yuna,” he kindly spoke and shot a smile that could kill.
despite the looks that could sway you, you were hesitant. yuna was choi seungcheol’s daughter. you knew seungcheol was a busy man. he ran a big company but he never failed to pick up his daughter. plus he dropped her off in the morning and didn’t mention someone else would be picking her up which made this suspicious.
“im sorry, i need to know if you’re allowed to pick her up, how do you know her?”
“sorry! forgot to introduce myself, i’m yoon jeonghan, seungcheol’s secretary, he would've came but his meeting ran long so he sent me to pick yuna up.”
you were still unsure, you weren’t gonna take any chances for a case to happen, “can i make a call to seungcheol first?”
jeonghan let out a husky laugh, “you’re careful huh? what if i just showed you a picture of me and him together?"
“that won’t be enough.”
“alright but if you’re gonna call him, he’s could still be in his meeting i think your call will just be transferred.”
you already had your eyes on your phone but gave him a look as he said that. you still made the call and it instantly connected. “yn? is everything okay?“ the man on the other line opened with concern in his voice.
“hi mr.choi! yea, i just wanted to confirm that you sent someone else to pick up yuna?”
“ah- yes, im so sorry i just got out my meeting if i was the one to come yuna would still be there so i sent jeonghan. don’t worry, he’s a trusted friend! sorry for not letting you know.”
“no worries, just wanted to make sure,” you quietly sighed with relief. you said goodbye and ended the call. you stared at your screen and there was a loud silence for like 2 seconds until you closed your phone and lowered your head to the secretary, “sorry for making a hassle.”
he gave a sympathetic smile and waved his hands, pushing you back up, “no, don’t be! you’re just doing your job, it’s good your keeping these children as safe as you can. i’m glad you’re being this careful, if anything, if you weren’t so cautious i probably would’ve told seungcheol to find a new daycare.”
he was surprisingly nice.
“thanks,” you couldn’t hold back your grin. “um, i’m going to go get yuna.”
he nodded and you walked to the fence which led to the section of the room to the kids were in. jeonghan peered over and his eyebrows instantly rose. he didn’t know there were still children there. he got shocked that the kids weren’t checking if their parents were there. they were just sitting in a circle, playing and sharing the toys. usually they would be hoping the parents are here right? why weren’t they checking?
but jeonghan saw the way their face lit as you walked towards them. perhaps the environment was that good he thought to himself.
you held yuna’s hand and walked to the exit.
“i don’t want to go yet yn!” yuna clamoured. you softly laughed, “you’ll come back tomorrow.”
jeonghan silently watched you in confusion. were you an angel or something? kids love it when their parents are here, if anything, they cry at the absence of their parents right? yet someone like yuna who’s close their parents is clinging onto you.
“yuna!” jeonghan called out.
“uncle?” yuna beamed and ran to the older man, her height allowing her to only hug his legs.
jeonghan bent down and patted her head, “dad can’t make it so i’m here but we’ll see him in a bit okay?”
yuna nodded signing she understood. “did you bring your bicycle?” she asked with wonder in her eyes.
“bicycle?” jeonghan furrowed his eyebrows.
“the one you always come to my house with!” yuna hinted.
the man was left puzzled but also mildly embarrassed at the possibility that you’s think he uses a bicycle to get to places, “yuna, what bicycle?”
“the loud bicycle!”
“a motorcycle?” you chipped in.
“ahh—,” he did have a motorcycle. he was stunned and wondered what you thought of him— but actually, why does he care what you think.
jeonghan recollected himself, “your dad wouldn’t let me but hey, the car waiting for us outside has a tv!”
yuna was notably convinced the car was better especially with the way she hopped and cheered. you giggled at the way he changed her opinion so easily.
jeonghan stood up and held yuna’s belongings, “guess we’re good to go, say thank you to yn yuna.”yuna jumped to give you a hug and jeonghan waved a goodbye. soon, the two walked out.
you closed the door and deeply exhaled. you placed your hand over your chest yet your heartbeat couldn’t slow down. there was something about that man.
jeonghan looked back at the daycare’s door. he thought of the way his heart beated twice more than usual since he walked through that door.
was it you or the 5 sugars he put in his coffee that afternoon?
he shook his head and laughed after recalling the measures you went through to make sure he wasn’t a kidnapper or something.
“do you like yn yuna?” jeonghan turned to her. “why?” yuna dragged her words at the end. jeonghan inhaled stiffly forgetting about how yuna was in her ‘why’ phase. “just asking, so do you enjoy yn’s company?”
“of course! they're really nice! they always play with me and one time they bought me stickers!" jeoghan knew which stickers yuna was talking about. it was pasted somewhere in seungcheol's office and jeonghan made fun of him for it. his heart warmed at the way you seemed to be a genuinely good person. he’s known you for a few seconds but though your actions first impression, he could tell you were someone worth meeting and he liked people like that.
he really couldn't tell why but for some reason, he wanted to be the one to pick up yuna tomorrow.
luckily for him, he’s the secretary and he can manipulate his boss’s’ schedule however he’d like to.
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luffyvace · 3 months
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✌︎ Sitting in Zoro’s Lap hcs ✌︎
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I just felt like doing these<3 I don’t usually do concepts and I’m testing out the waters so they’ll likely be short ;3 also I wanna do more than just relationship hcs bc it’ll be more fun ✌︎
enjoy zoro simps cuz y’all definitely be on my acc 💖
At first he feels it’s kinda pointless
like he’s thinking “why would you wanna sit on my lap?!—sit on a chair or- just- somewhere else!...even the floor or something idk?!!”
but however you somehow convince him to let you, whether that’s bribery (swords or alcohol), sitting on him anyway or schmoozing him over into letting you,
you did it!!
And that’s all that matters :)
he probably got tired of your relentless request and just let you eventually
While you sit on him he’s usually sleeping sitting up, drinking alcohol or just relaxing with his eyes closed
When you sit facing him it’s a little more comfortable for him
he prefers it that way
sometimes you lay your head on his shoulder/chest and fall asleep on him
he’ll scoff either way but he gets a bit annoyed if he was trying to do something that requires getting up
Like training for example
If he wasn’t too busy in the first place then he just scoffs and probably takes a nap himself
if he’s not tired he waits for you to get up
he doesn’t like to stir you from sleep but if it’s important like a ship attack he’s kinda rough about doing so- 😀
bro he basically yanks you up and yells your name
not because he’s trying to be mean 🤷‍♀️
Just the fact that if an attack comes your way you won’t be able to dodge—and protecting someone isn’t his thing when fighting, he always tells you to go hide if your weak
uh anyway 😗
When you sit with your back to his chest its comfy but like don’t be surprised if he picks you up and turns you around (i don’t wanna hear anyone saying they’re too heavy bc you obviously must not have seen the weights he lifts on a daily)
sitting like that’s kinda annoying bc having to crane your neck back and to the side is not fun 😬😀
plus you probably hit his jaw a lot-
Or things like
1) he bites his tongue
2) his teeth hit your head (and it hurts for both of you)
3) he spits his alcohol in your hair (when you hit his jaw with your head)
4) you hit your head on his nose
So yeah this position is less common for you guys
Bonus if your hair is long
then he gets his fingernails stuck to it too :)
he prefers you don’t sit on his lap in public
mostly because he doesn’t like the stares that come with it 💁‍♀️
he just feels awkward
If you once again somehow convince him to let you in public however…..
it’ll be the type where he man spreads and you sit on one leg facing him
that way he has a bit more space to move and one of his arms is free
just in case an attack comes that he needs to block
orrrrrr just for simply drinking alcohol 😋
on the merry/sunny he’s more likely to cave in
especially since it’s just the strawhats
unless they make fun of him or smth (especially robin) then he doesn’t mind as much
plus y’all can have some privacy in the crows nest most likely
ngl he pretty comfy to sit on
unless your really tall or smth he’s prob bigger than you
so it’s not like y’all are uncomfortable or squished
zoro after time skip is low key more comfy because you know that dark green coat he wears?
yeah it like bends to create a little chair when he manspreads
and idk if you know what I’m talking about but those who get it do 💗👍
Does he end up liking it?
yes :)
yes he does. :)
Im trying to branch out and do more concepts because it’s more interesting for me to write, and you to read so why not 😊
Hopefully my zoro stans enjoyed !! <3 ⚔️🗡
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sillyzel · 2 months
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✨The Amazing Digital Circus Hunters AU
The players in the circus are playing Caine’s game, “HUNTINGG” or maybe, uh, they’re like bounty hunters with powers..
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Each player has unique abilities and can be used when they’re “hunting” for stuff in Caine’s game! Just-, Just that, simply.
(More under the cut)
Each of the players have unique abilities. Or, yeah, weapons. They use the weapons to help hunt stuff, of course. OR to KILL stuff. Players are kill-able but will respawn. Cuz, why not? If you’re an NPC, maybe you might just, die, yeah, die.
What are they hunting for?? Duh, it’s like, for ranks or smth. Higher u rank, more powerful u become, but when u get killed by anyone, well u gotta start over again. Who knows what u can achieve if u keep that first place…
OK!1!1!1 MORE ABOUT THE PLAEYRSZSZ
Pomni - Police… with a sword.
Pomni is… yeah, that. Why? Bubble just thinks it’s cool. Yeah, she does have a gun too. Pomni’s sword can get longer and shorter, but it is limited. Sword can electrocute some bozos, but needs charging after 5 uses of electro-power thing blah blah. Gun? Normal police gun.
Ragatha - Bare hand fighter, most of the time.
She is, a bare hand fighter. KICK AND PUNCH, yeahhhhh, but uses the spear sometimes. She keeps about 3 spears in her back. Rather than using the pointy part, She usually uses the wooden part more. Pointy stuff has poison. It stings and it hurts making the area that got cut/stabbed with that feel numb. Possible cramps, ig…
Gangle - Chainy chainy stuff with a slim cutter on it’s end.
Gangle’s… weapon, can cut OFF your limbs… BUT that’s rare! Only if she did it right. Usually only cuts deep… nvm, it depends if she is using it the riiiight way! The chain can go longer, with limit, of course! Making the chain go shorter takes more time.
Zooble - FIRE STAFF MUAHAHAHHA 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
Zooble. I can say Zooble is like, an alchemist? Only if it’s fire-related. Basically, ya know, Staff with fire magic. BUTTT staff might lost its control sometimes. Zooble can use the staff, whenever. There’s always a “water-looking” bottle attached to the stuff. That thing is minimizing the chances of the staff to lose control. Also minimizes the fire a bit. Zooble can take it off, for about 20 minutes while using it. More than that, it burns the whole tent.
Jax - PEW PEW guns
Some sick guns. Yeaaahhh let’s goooo!1!1! 2 small guns and 1 big gun. 3 in total. The two smaller guns work differently. One works very fast and shoots 3 bullets at one click. One just shoots one per click, doesn’t deal much damage, but will make the enemy feel not-so-good and pass out, sometimes. Big gun? Fast, big bullet. Uses are limited. Only 3 times a day.
Kinger - DARK MAGIC GUY?!?!?
Exorcist? Dark magic? Whatever. Magic book. Yeah, he uses magic book to make and control magic. Just like Zooble, Kinger’s weapon can lose control too. Rarely. Magic book has no limits. The magic just- won’t work well if it’s closed. Quite hard to keep it open, y know.
BONUS - Links Abt this thing yes.
I have a feeling it’s not gonna be so “noticed” by other people, but I enjoyed making it while boredom.
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idciminlove · 4 months
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Mauga NSFW alphabet
Maugaloa Malosi x GN!Reader
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A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)
Very caring, especially if he was rough with you. Some nights he will press a damp cloth between your legs, others he’ll run you a bath. He definitely cuddles after too. (He’s the big spoon obviously)
B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)
Yours: I see him as an ass man but tbh I don’t think he has a big preference. Tits, ass, thighs, it doesn’t matter. As long as he has something to hold on to.
His: His chest..for obvious reasons lmao
C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)
Comes thick heavy loads and he loves to come inside. Filling you up and fucking you full of his seed makes him feel closer to you, like you are bonded together. It’s like he’s marking you as his. So when he pulls out, he’ll make sure to push his cum back in, making you whimper in sensitivity.
Coming down your throat is a close second for sure, though. Loves seeing you all teary eyed, gazing up at him as you swallow whatever you can. Seeing you all submissive like that is such a pretty sight.
D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
I feel like he’d be an open book tbh- so none?
E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)
He definitely knows what he’s doing. With his “living every day like it’s his last” mentality and low impulse control, I feel like he would fuck often. Prob would mainly have one night stands, but he doesn’t care. He sees something he wants, he takes it.
Also “Let’s go break some hearts!” Def has a double meaning to it and that’s all the proof I need
F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)
You on top (aka Cowgirl)- It’s much easier with you on top, especially considering how fucking big this man is, but that doesn’t mean you have control. Not at all. He’ll have his hands on your hips, moving you at whatever pace he wants, bouncing you on him. He also appreciates the view of you up close, right in his lap.
Full Nelson- He loves manhandling..and if that includes folding you like a lawnchair then so be it
G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)
In his own way, yeah. He’d probably make jokes that only he finds funny in his sadistic mind, like seeing you struggle from how good and overwhelmed he’s making you feel.
Maybe if you’re nervous he’ll make a joke or two, just to get you to relax.
H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)
Somewhat groomed..he rlly only does trims when it gets too long, but there’s always a patch of black hair down there lol
I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)
Def depends on your relationship with him. If it’s a one night stand, then little to none. Maybe a kiss here or there, but it’s more heated than intimate, all tongue and teeth.
It’s not until you’ve been dating him for a while, and you get his walls to come down and get him to trust and love you that he gets really intimate. He slows down a bit more, looks you in the eyes..not just to see your expression but to see you…all of you. And he kisses and holds onto you like he never wants to let go. Like if he does, you’ll slip through his fingers and disappear. Will whisper affections into your ear and against your lips and neck with every slow roll of his hips.
J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)
Again, it depends on your relationship with him. If you’re dating, maybe once in a while, like if he’s away on a long mission. He’ll probably either do it while calling you so he can hear your voice, or he’ll send a video, calling you a tease and telling you how much he misses you. And if he can’t get through to you then, he’ll do it the old fashioned way..but he won’t be happy about it lmfao
If you’re not in a relationship with him…but he’s planning on getting you or trying to get in your pants, much more often. Will definitely fantasize about you often and all the nasty things he wants to do you. And if you don’t pay him attention/play hard to get or whatever, he’ll definitely want you much more. After all, he loves the chase.
K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)
Size Kink- Loves that you’re smaller than him, seeing the size difference in your hands and bodies always gets him going, especially when you struggle to take him, no matter how much he’s stretched you out before.
Praise/Degradation- He does both- but his degrading isn’t all insults and stuff, more like talking to you in that condescending tone and teasing you- and for praise he’ll tell you how good you are for him and how pretty you are…whatever gets more of a reaction from you.
Overstimulation/Dumbification- Loves when you’re all fucked out and dumb on his cock, crying and writhing, hardly any thoughts left in your head except for how good he’s making you feel.
L = Location (favorite places to do the do)
Basically anywhere, the man does not give a fuck. He will fuck you anytime anywhere: at your place, at his, in a cabana at the beach (it’s not his cabana), and even in one of the storage closets on Talon’s base.
M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)
Lots of stuff..it could be the smallest thing, like if you look at him a certain way, or accidentally brush against him, but he loves to piss you off. He thinks you’re sexy when you’re angry, and he sometimes he gets you mad on purpose because he enjoys seeing you like that, and he can fuck the attitude right out of you
N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)
While Mauga is a strong willed and stubborn person, he definitely wouldn’t do anything you’re uncomfortable with. The moment you tell him to stop or say no, he’ll stop. He respects you and your boundaries.
O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
He’s a giver for sure. It doesn’t matter what size you are, big, small or in between, he will have you sit on his face..and put ALL of your weight on him lmfao. He’s nasty and messy, but he’s amazing at giving head. It always leaves your legs shaky, especially since he probably won’t let you go until you’ve come on his face at least twice.
P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)
Def on the faster/rougher side but there might be some nights when he’s slow and passionate, if he’s feeling really romantic, or if you ask him nicely.
Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)
He doesn’t mind them, even though he prefers to draw things out. But if it’s an opportunity to get physical with you, he’ll go for it. (He def does them when he’s about to leave for a mission, fucking you five minutes before he has to get to the hangar)
R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)
Mauga loves adrenaline and risky stuff, so absolutely. Will do whatever you want and/or are up for.
S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)
He has lots of stamina, especially after his heart transplants. He will either go until you can’t take anymore or until he’s satisfied.
T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)
Probably has a few, which are mainly for you. He uses them occasionally, but mostly prefers skin to skin contact.
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
He loves to tease. Will edge you for hours before he finally gives you release. He’ll also taunt and mock you in the midst of it.
“Awww is it too much for my poor baby? Too bad.”
“You wanna cum so bad, don’t you? I can see you cryin for it. Be good and I’ll give it to you…eventually.”
V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)
He’s a pretty loud guy, not too loud, but loud enough to piss off your neighbors. Mainly growls, grunts, and groans. No whimpers..sorry :(
W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)
He’s a biter, especially with those sharp ass teeth of his. He loves to cover you with hickeys and bites, from your throat to the crook of your shoulder. He’ll complain whenever you try to cover them up, and if the marks start to fade, he’ll just leave more. Everyone has to know who you belong to, after all.
X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)
Okay, bear with me y’all…but Mauga is a huge ass guy, so my guess is 8.5 inches, more girthy than long, but not too thick. He has a pretty cock for sure, with a slight curve a veins or two running up it, and a dark brown tip.
Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)
Very high. It’s always been somewhat high but after his surgery and his whole mental shift to living on the edge, he decides that he does whatever he wants when he’s feeling it (dont get me wrong he is very intelligent and calculated, but sometimes he just destroys shit when he wants to, and the same can be said about sex lmao)
Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
It takes him a little while. He always has to watch you fall asleep first, making sure you’re safe and comfortable in his arms. He strokes your hair, rubs soothing circles into your back, before he eventually falls asleep himself.
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mizusnose · 3 months
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ahem so I just read your college fuckboy mizu headcanons (which I loved) and was wondering if I could request a lil something about fuckboy mizu genuinely liking the reader so she makes changes to convince the reader she's serious. Reader would probs be SUPER skeptical bc casual relationships isn't their thing but it'd be so cute. Obvs you can just ignore this if you don't want to do it my mind has just been mizu brainrot lately
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so i’ve been letting this one marinate for a bit BUT: reader who gets together with Taigen to spite Mizu who won’t get serious for reader. Cue the jealousy, club shenanigans, and poet mizu (!!)
boyfriend by dove cameron for max brainrot
———
Taigen was a fine boyfriend. All things considered. He was better than most of the guys you’d been with before, and he had a motorcycle that he’d let you take pics with and post them on your feed.
But, he wasn’t Mizu.
This point had been made several times. Mostly on Taigen’s end. His constant whining of I see the way you look at her, god I bet you thought I was a woman huh, better yet—you wished I was her huh!
He wasn’t wrong, necessarily. It wasn’t your fault you’d gotten bored and decided to go to Taigen’s fencing practice. It wasn’t like you’d intended on falling head over heels for the hot butch lesbian who had a mean smirk and a sweaty jaw when she whooped Taigen’s ass.
You still remembered the way she had her neck bared, her hair falling over her shoulders, the beat of her heart nestled in between her collarbones, the dark green of her veins under her skin.
So, yeah, maybe you did have a thing for Mizu, who may or may not be your boyfriend’s biggest rival.
Heavy quotations on the rival part since Mizu didn’t give a shit that Taigen hated her—in fact, she didn’t care that the majority of the lesbians, bisexual, and bi-curious girls on campus hated her guts.
But that was what made her interesting.
You’d thought about it often: her, telling you to leave as soon as you’d come on her tongue or strap or fingers, (whatever was fine, you weren’t picky.) and you’d feel that tug in your tummy and your jaw would relax and fall open and—
“hah, did you come?”
And then you’d be back where you started: dating Taigen and fucking him and not being able to enjoy it or come or anything.
The thing was this: You’d only ever been in long-term relationships. Never dabbled in casual one night stands that Mizu was rumored to stick by. Even if you did want her, her time was limited. And you didn’t exactly love sharing.
So, when Taigen complained about having to go out this weekend to “bond or some teammate trust building shit, pfft, as if we aren’t trying to kill each other every practice. Not to mention Mizu will be there,” You convinced him to go, and for you to tag along. As moral support of course.
Now as much as Taigen loved telling you how much he hated Mizu, he liked coming to the thought of her much more. You’d done it quite often, bring Mizu up in sex, the way she’d fence and made him look like a fucking loser. How good she’d look kissing you, having you, taking you away from him. You’d both come then, not just him.
So you supposed it wasn’t that weird to be crushing over Mizu. Especially when the weekend came and the alcohol was sweet and fizzy and the wine dark and bitter, and the club lights shimmering on Mizu’s skin, her hair, her hands as she came up behind you.
“Hey.” She said. Simple, easy, confident. Her hands brushed your exposed back, the bend of your hip, the jut of your ribs.
“Hi.” You said. Sultry, warm, quiet so she’d have to twist closer to hear you when you gasped as she held your waist, tighter this time. A little mean, “I have a boyfriend.”
And she’d chuckle, and pull away and quirk her dark eyebrow up, “Really? Him?” A barely there glance at Taigen who was with the other fencing team members taking body shots off one another, “I could be a better boyfriend than him, you know.”
She spun you around, the steady heat of her palm always on you, “You know me.” It wasn’t a question. You saw the way Mizu’s eyes dragged across your body on her way over, her tongue on her lips as she stared. She knew you were Taigen’s girlfriend.
“Been watching.” She brought you closer, shifted her hands and then you were close. Closer than you’d ever been to her before.
She smelled heady and like pinewood. The plane of her chest was defined, sturdy, and you wondered if she had small breasts, if they were sensitive.
“Can’t believe I almost went home when you’re here—all alone.” She smirked, the same damned smirk you’d replay in your mind as you masturbated and thought of her, “Think I might just steal you from him, hm?”
Her hands slipped up your back, to the bottom of your nape, a demanding grip: there one second, gone the next. She watched your face, your lips, your neck.
“Does this usually work on other girls?”
You pushed away then, your legs wobbly and your underwear damp. You wanted, but you knew exactly what Mizu thought of you: an easy thing, something of Taigen’s. Good for a night, forgotten the next.
So you straightened your clothes, and met Mizu’s confused gaze, “I have a boyfriend.”
Mizu’s mouth twitched. Barely. But you’d caught it as you turned, and headed to the bartop. Even if Mizu was who you’d wanted, being a one-night stand wasn’t what you wanted.
So, you walked back over to Taigen, beers in hand, and watched Mizu as you kissed him wide and dirty. Her glare a steely weight in your belly, and on your beating cunt.
You’d make Mizu yours, one way or another.
——-
Let’s make this a 2 parter. Poet mizu will have to wait. Thanks for the ask :)
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7ndipity · 5 months
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Leaving For The Military
Ot7 x Reader
Summary: How they would be with their crush or S/o before enlisting and how they keep in touch.
Warnings: none
A/N: Thanks to the lovely anons who requested this! I debated on whether or not I would post something about this, but since several of you asked, I decided I would. I did decid to make this more fluffy/crackish tho, cause I don’t want y’all getting too sad.(also, I struggled with this one a bit, so I’m sorry if it’s shit)
Masterlist
°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
Jin:
I think back a lot on how he said before that he’s allergic to seriousness, so other than when he first tells you about going, I think he tries to keep things really light and upbeat.
Probably spends the whole week before leaving asking you to shave his head. “I’m not doing that!” “Why not? It’ll be a bonding experience!”
Leaves several little notes/letters for you(similar to his messages for Army) saying how much he loves and can’t wait to see you again. Plus, you’ve seen how frequently he posts on weverse, so you know he’s texting/calling you all the time.
Yoongi:
Since he’s in public service and getting to stay close to home(I think?), he really tries to avoid making a big deal out of it. Like, it’s obviously still a major shift in his life, but being able to still see/talk to you regularly would make it a lot easier.
If you live abroad tho, he would take it a bit more seriously, making sure the two of you talk as regularly as possible.(since they’re not allowed to travel abroad during service)
Literally keeps a list of things he wants to tell you/talk about whenever y’all call/video chat so he won’t forget anything.
Hobi:
He makes a point to spend as much time with you as possible before he leaves, making little bucket lists of things for the two of you to do together before and after enlistment.
Lowkey keeps flexing in his uniform(you’ve seen his insta, you know it’s true) “I look kinda good tho, right Babe? Babe?” *😑agrees but won’t admit it*
He misses you so much, and he calls/checks in with you every chance he gets(honestly, y’all talk more than me and my besties, lol)
Namjoon:
He’s rather solemn and serious about the whole thing, though he tries not to talk about it too much, trying to focus more on enjoying your time together rather than dwelling on what’s to come.
Y’all probably spent the whole night before he left awake and talking about anything and everything, not wanting to lose any time together on sleep.
Tries to call/message you as often as possible, getting over-excited to catch up on what’s going on in your life and share what he’s doing.
Jimin:
He spends the last couple days before leaving practically fused to your side, trying to soak up as much time with you as possible. He doesn’t say anything, but you can tell he’s anxious abt all of it.
Another that would probably leave you one, or more likely multiple notes/letters for after he leaves for you to read whenever you’re feeling down(totally didn’t read them all in the first week, wym?).
He messages/calls you every chance he gets(probs featuring an appearance from Jk, if it’s true abt them getting to stick together)
Taehyung:
He takes a semi-unserious approach to the whole thing. Like, he’s very sincere and open when you have the initial discussion about him leaving, but after that he’s just making little cracks about it here and there.
“You know, it’s kinda like the plot of a drama.” “It’s really not.”
He’s so dramatic abt missing you, calling you constantly. Another who would likely leave you little notes for when you’re feeling low, though his include random suggestions like eating at certain restaurants y’all like or watching your fav movies/shows.
Jungkook:
As we’ve seen with his posts from the past couple weeks, I think he would be somewhat somber when he first talks to you about everything and maybe again right before he leaves, but the rest of the time he’d try to keep things light and unserious.
(you know he’s constantly trying to get you to rub his head after he gets it shaved🙄)
Obviously, he misses you like crazy, but he tries not to let on too much at first when y’all talk, but it starts to show when he admits you’re always the first person he calls or texts.
Taglist: @sopebubbles-replies @btsw1fe @this-must-be-my-tardis @whitefoxgirl @bethanysnow @coffeedepressionsoup @main-bangtansmauyeondan @captainorangegoose @k4ngelz
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mrzombielover · 1 year
Text
— könig relationship headcanons
rating; sfw and nsfw
warnings: nsfw, virginity, this is just filthy and not really edited and a spew of random disconnected thoughts
a/n; oh my actual god tysm for 1k+ likes on my ghost drabble i did NOT expect any attention so thank you😭
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to get in a relationship with this guy you def had to make the first move, he’s too shy to do anything
(i’ll prob make separate headcanons w him pining over you tbh)
but once you ARE in a relationship? man
his severe social anxiety manifests in a way that just makes him really awkward. like🧍
clingiest boyfriend alive, mf like 6’10 250 lbs clinging to your arm when u go in public and asking you to order for him
doesn’t know what to do with himself when you’re not there. you leave and he just waits for you to come back.
he just loves you so much, he’s not stupid by all means but you’re the one that thinks for him and he’s happy w that arrangement
likes when you refer to him as big guy or esp YOUR big guy bc yes. he is a big guy. thanks for noticing :)
while he couldn’t be a sniper bc of his size, there are some perks to his height. namely scaring the ever loving fuck out of any guy he may be jealous of
he’s not vocal and much too shy to really do anything but he will stand over your shoulder vaguely threateningly glaring at the guy.
he’s incredibly easy to fluster, part of the reason he likes wearing a mask is because you won’t be able to see how easy it is to make him blush
this is heightened in public places, because of his shy nature any type of pda drives him crazy and he gets wound up very quickly
gently touch his arm or chest when talking to him, put a hand on his shoulder or thigh when laughing, get his attention touching the back of his neck, literally any of the tamest touch will have his face and ears all hot and red.
not just touching him, either, just existing as hot as you are in his presence makes him stiff.
doesn’t talk a lot in general, and i don’t think that changes in bed. he’s a quiet person, so treasure the groans you do get to hear
down so horrendous
everyone knows the quiet guys are the hung ones
and man is he PACKIN
i hope you have a size kink because everything about him is huge, from his stature to his muscles to his cock
i’m thinking upwards of 8 inches, insanely thick and a deep reddish color, tip color #b3505e
due to his anxiety and quiet nature, he has had extremely little experience with relationships and sex. he was bullied in school, and i can’t imagine him having a lot of practice before meeting you
my little meow meow so easily flustered and blushing bright red the whole time
his thoughts are probably “oh my god oh fuck wow holy oh my god oh my god” and he can’t form any real sentences or coherent thoughts
probably busts prematurely and then he’s so embarrassed, would freak out about it until you calm him down and tell him it’s okay
then he’d make it up to you
what he’s lacking in experience he makes up for with eagerness, he’s a fast learner and attentive to detail
gives AMAZING head. once he learns how you like it it’s over for you. has his head buried between your thighs for hours, and his tongue in combination with thick fingers splitting you open will have your legs shaking and you crying
if you ever don’t want to sit on his face for fear of hurting him or hover above instead of putting your weight on him he looks at you like >:((
leans towards the submissive side, will do anything you want him to do and is down to experiment
when it comes to what HE wants tho… he is much too shy to ask to try stuff out it takes a lot of courage u might need to infer some things
enjoys being submissive the majority of the time but there are times when he gets so wound up and desperate he’ll just take you how he wants (lord have mercy…)
in these situations i imagine it’s probably been a bit since you’ve last had the chance to be… intimate. naturally you take it upon yourself to tease him whenever given the chance, trying your hardest to make him blush
he also has an extremely high sex drive, he’s an absolute beast of a man and can go for 2-3 rounds without break. just crazy amounts of stamina and strength. this in combination with you teasing him means you’re really in for it the second you have some alone time
no matter how much you weigh he could pick you up and handle you like a rag doll. he is HUGE and insanely strong as previously mentioned
in conclusion just big and strong and very much loving and protective in his own weird 🧍 way
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**these will be elaborated on soon trust i plan on doing nsfw alphabets for the whole task force + my boy
masterlist
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wheeboo · 11 months
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seventeen and their reaction to finding drawings of them in a sketchbook
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PAIRING. seventeen (ot13) x gn!reader GENRE. fluff, established relationship, headcanons WARNINGS. terms of endearment  WORD COUNT. 1.08k
requested by @cinnamoroxie​: hi hi raniaaa !! what ab svt w an s/o that has like an entire sketchbook dedicated to drawing them? and then they get all upset and pouty if they see u drawijg another svt member
notes: so my mind for some reason processed this as a reaction and kinda accidentally veered off “seeing u drawing another member” to “seeing A drawing of another member” for this oops i’m sorry 😭 but i hope that’s fine alkfjsdf??? anyway this was silly to write 
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choi seungcheol
discovered your sketchbook on accident and when he opened it, just imagine his eyes going wide as he drops everything he was doing and runs out to find you in the living room. he’s like “you’ve been hiding all this from me?” but when he stumbles upon a sketch on the side of hoshi w his stuffed animal tiger, he immediately pouts and feels that pang of jealousy and you’re like “hoshi was the one who wanted me to draw him like that! you know I always love drawing you!”
yoon jeonghan
knows you love drawing but didn’t expect to find a sketchbook filled w drawings of him. just in pure awe the entire time as he goes thru the sketchbook with you next to him, muttering quiet praises of admiration that leaves you meltingggg. but when he finds this unfinished sketch of what looks like joshua, all he could do is look at it and be like all sarcastically “hm, I don’t remember you having a second boyfriend?”
joshua hong
would be so enanamoured by your drawing abilities. every time you flip a page to show him more drawings you’ve done of him he would constantly try to go back to the previous page, admire it for a minute longer, before telling you to proceed. but when you flip to a page showing a little drawing of seokmin, he’d look down at it, grab your pencil from your hand, and erase seokmin’s face to replace with a silly one, drawing an arrow saying “← not your boyfriend”
wen junhui
literally in awe and shock the entire time, constantly showering you w praise and prob constantly asking questions like how did you draw his nose so perfectly?? how do you shade so perfectly?? how the heck did you draw hair?? he has so many questions and you are willing to answer all of them. but when he stumbles upon a drawing of minghao he gets all whiny “why did you draw him?? I’m right here!!!”
kwon soonyoung 
another one constantly asking questions and praising you, and he reacts so dramatically as you flip thru each page. this time all of your respective drawings is ensured to always have some sort of tiger/horanghae reference in there. so when he sees a sketch of jihoon doing a wooahae he just gets all disappointed and pouts “if you were going to draw another guy at least make him do a horanghae” knowing damn well jihoon won’t ever do that irl
jeon wonwoo
is silently appreciating each and every drawing. pieces together the outfits you’ve drawn in his mind since he would catch you drawing when you both are alone, and turns out you were drawing him at whatever moment you could. but when he sees a silly lil sketch of mingyu, he takes off his glasses to get a closer look and you see the kinda jealous look to his face and you’re like “babe don’t be jealous, it was the time we all hung out together and mingyu wanted a lil doodle of himself”
lee jihoon
he’s like wonwoo but a bit more vocal abt it. super super impressed from how accurate your drawings are. and you always say to him after every drawing “its bcuz you looked so handsome at the time” and he get so so shy abt it, but internally he’s deeply touched. but when he sees a drawing of seungcheol he gets a tad bit jealous and crosses his arms “did he look handsome at the time too?”
xu minghao
honestly don’t be surprised if he also has a sketchbook full of drawings of you lmao. the two of you are practically bound together by your interests in art and prob have frequent doodling n painting sessions together, always complimenting and praising each others work. but if he stumbles upon a funny drawing jun in the corner, he does that lip pout iykwim “what happened to me being your muse, honey?”
kim mingyu
is like every possible synonym of the word happiness and endeared and loved. gets dramatic like hoshi and becomes so prideful like “I know I was so handsome that day, right?” or you know “you got my good angles!” and you just roll your eyes playfully. but boy does this man pout and sulk like crazy whenever he sees like a drawing of wonwoo or another member “babe, I thought this was a sketchbook about ME” 
lee seokmin
oh he’s so happy, like beyond happy and giddy. absolutely melting inside n squealing throughout each page turn with his mouth open agape. he’s literally so proud of you for the efforts you put in each drawing of him and wishes he can pay your love back somehow. but if he sees a lil doodle of joshua or other  members on another page he has that cute frown to his face and whines “sunshine...” then he’s like “okay you know what would be better?” and then he draws a mustache or something funny on top of the drawing
boo seungkwan
is literally your personal fanboy and hypes you up from any drawing you show him, but he gets soo shy n flustered whenever you showed him drawings that you did of him. in amazement he’s like “is that really me?” as he takes in each drawing with absolute detail. but if he sees this funny sketch of vernon on one page, he might get a lil insecure, so pls reassure him that it was only a funny moment you wanted to draw when vernon and seungkwan came over to your place
vernon chwe
gives those nods of approval as you go through each page. it may not seem like it, but he’s very very impressed. here and there he quietly mutters a soft “wow” as he traces a finger over some of the drawings as if making sure it was real and not a figment of his imagination. but say he sees a lil funny doodle of seungkwan, he’d be like “wow that actually looks like him” and then you lightly slap his arm “babe! he doesn’t even have a face”
lee chan
begs on your knees for you to show him your drawings, and when you do, he gets so into it. “wait wasn’t this the time when we had that cafe date?” or “omg! that’s when we went to the zoo during the holiday” and then he attempts to recreate some of the poses. but when he stumbles upon a brief sketch of jeonghan or another member, he just scoffs “wait till you see this. I can do a better pose than him!”
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taglist (open) ʚɞ @enhazen @haowrld @ylliris-hanniehae @icysungho
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annakusminaa · 6 days
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Oh Hi❤️‍🩹
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Hey guyssss. So I’ve been gone for a few days! If anyone noticed. Prob not.
So yeah I haven’t been posting for a couple days because tbh I’ve completely fallen off the band wagon. Which has put me down in the dumpssssss. I’m haven’t dealt with binging in like genuinely 2 months. Not that I thought the habit was kicked, but I’ve definitely lost the most amount of weight I ever have by NOT binging within this lil while. Buuttttt then she came for a visit.
Yes, I actually recognize why it happened. Anyone who’s asked me how I do it my #1 RULE OF THUMB is I do NOT fast. It just makes you hungrier and it’s not a good time. Well I broke my #1 rule when I went out to my anniversary dinner with my bf. I fasted for way longer than I should’ve before. (I will not talk numbers due to the competitive nature of issues) ANYWAY, that night i was SO hungry and I guess lost control for these past 2 days. I won’t get into specifics. An old habit I had was always to fast before a restaurant, so I didn’t even really think about it. But yeah not smart.
I am human, I am just like all of you. I fall and when I fall it’s shit but the important bit is to get back up and continue on like normal. I’m not going to beat myself up for it because mistakes happen. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to fast to make up for it, but that’s what got me into this mess. So I will not be doing that even tho I feel as I should, and I will NOT be cutting out any food groups either. All that is just one big recipe for disaster.
Anyway, I always try to be as transparent as possible and show my falls. It’s not all glamorous with me in zkinnyville 💀. As I get back on the band wagon take this pic of my arm. LOL.
ON A MORE POSITIVE NOTE, i finished my 3rd year of uni. WOOOO
-Anna K
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lincolndjarin · 1 month
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Every Now and Then - ch. two
[ And if You Only Hold Me Tight ]
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pairing : joel miller x f!reader, platonicsoulmate!tommy & f!reader
word count : 9.3k
summary : you spend some time tommy, you spent some time with joel.
tags/warnings : 18+ mdni, angst, canon typical violence, language, panic attacks, violence, injury, wounds, possessive behavior, toxic relationships, animal death, i probs missed some i never know how to tag so lmk if i misses anything !!
a/n : this took so long and i dont even know it its good so i'm deeply sorry about that.
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ao3 .𖥔 ݁ ˖ series masterlist .𖥔 ݁ ˖ main masterlist .𖥔 ݁ ˖ kofi
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Now - JACKSON, WYOMING : 2023
“It’s nice to meet you Ellie.” You hold your hand out across the table to her, offering your own name up in the process, noticing an incredulous look in her eyes as you say it. Of course she doesn’t shake it, you’ve worked with enough survivors her age to know how they think. 
She doesn’t trust any of this, and you can’t blame her. Every single thing she’s seen since arriving here is too good to be true, she’s waiting for the other shoe to drop. That’s okay, you can be patient. She just needs to learn how to be a kid again. When she makes no attempt to move you pull your hand back, your smile never wavering. You’ve met kids in much worse condition than this, you can work with this. 
“Why don’t you tell me a little bit about yourself, Ellie.” You set the notebook you’d been writing in back down onto the table, you don’t want this to feel like an interrogation for her, it needs to be a conversation or you won’t get any of the information you need.
“Like what?” She’s slouched down into the chair, her arms crossed across her chest. She has her defenses up, she has spent her entire life protecting herself, she isn’t going to stop just because a stranger offered her a mug of tea. A mug of tea that she has notably not touched. 
“Anything you want to, or I could ask some specifics if you’d like.” You take a sip of your own tea, hoping it might show her it’s safe. She only hums in response, you decide it might be for the best if you just ask her what you need to know. “Let’s start with a few easy ones, how old are you?” 
“Why do you need to know?” 
“We need to assess your health, what classes you’ll be put in, if you’ll be needing any feminine products. I promise, anything I ask is for your own good.” Seeing kids like Ellie is a painful reminder of just how lucky your own little ones are, it’s a wonder she made it this far. You can’t hold her skepticism against her, her distrust is why she’s still alive. “Would it help if we brought your father in? He’s just down the hall with Maria.” You aren’t sure why, you typically handle every stray but she had insisted on helping you out today. She’d spewed some sort of excuse about how Ellie might need some special attention but as far as you can tell she’s in the same state that most kids are in when they arrive. 
“He’s not my dad.” She’s quick to say it, as if it’s a sore subject. 
“May I ask his relation to you then?” Maria had told you she arrived with her father, you were told to expect one teenage girl and one man in his fifties.
“He’s… my friend?” She sounds unsure, unsure enough to ring alarm bells in your head. 
“Honey, are you in a safe situation? We can help you if you need-” She doesn’t even let you finish your question before sitting up straighter.
“No, no, no, gross, it’s not like that, he’s not like that.” The look of disgust on her face brings you immense relief, this world is full of enough horrors for a young woman to face. 
“Okay, I just wanted to make sure.” Even if she hasn’t been through that, she hasn’t had it easy, no one has. But there’s something distinct in her eyes. Loss. She’s seen more than enough of it, more than anyone her age should. Her eyes keep darting to the door, her head tilts in that direction every time someone walks by. She’s worried about her companion. She doesn’t want to lose him too. “I know none of this makes sense, and you have no reason to trust me but I need you to try Ellie. And if I ask you anything you aren’t comfortable with then you don’t have to answer but I need you to try, please. The faster we finish up here, the faster you can get back to your friend.” 
She takes a moment, you’re practically holding your breath when she finally nods.
Perfect, you can work with a nod. You love a nod, a nod is all you need to help this girl.
“Let’s start with your age again.” 
“Fourteen.” You’ll have to have a menstruation kit sent to whatever house they put her in, most people’s cycles start being regular once after a few months in Jackson.
“Thank you.” All you get is another nod yet you can’t help but smile. “Do you know where you were born?”
“No.” Her eyes are trained on your shoes, occasionally darting around the room but staying low for the most part. 
“Where did you grow up?” 
“The QZ.” The thought makes you sick for several reasons. The last place a child should grow up is the streets of a quarantine zone, even if she was in the FEDRA program it wouldn’t have been easy. The thought of any QZ still makes you queasy, even after this long. 
“Which one?” Anywhere but Boston. 
“Boston.” Of course. With your luck she would be. Someone’s far from home.  
“FEDRA program?” As terrible as they are, they always keep the kids' vaccinations up to date, one less thing for you to worry about. 
“Mhmm.” 
“How old were you when you left?”
“Fourteen.” How the hell did she make it to Jackson all the way from Boston in such a short period of time? Why come to Jackson at all? There’s certainly other QZ’s between here and there, there’s probably other settlements too. 
“Can I ask why you left?” It’s not a question you need to ask but your stomach is in knots at the mention of the Boston QZ and you can’t help yourself. 
“I’d rather you didn’t.” Something flashes across her face, she isn’t trying to be rude, she simply doesn’t want to talk about it. 
“That’s fine.” You don’t need to worry about it. She doesn’t know him. There’s no reason for her to know him. QZ’s house hundreds, if not thousands, of people. There’s no reason to spiral over nothing. “Do you have any allergies that you’re aware of?”
“Nope.” She makes a popping sound on the “P” as she leans back in the chair, trying to look relaxed despite how on edge she still is. You decide not to put anymore pressure on her, it won’t do you any good. 
“How are you feeling physically? Any symptoms of illness?”
“Like infection?” You have to stifle a laugh, if she was infected the two of you certainly wouldn’t be sitting here right now. 
“I’m not worried about that, I mean something more like a runny nose or a cough.”
“Oh. No.” 
“Any skills in particular you’d like to learn? Our school system is a little less traditional than what you probably had with FEDRA.”
“I like science.” She sits up a bit, good, you’ve found something that piques her interest. 
“Then I will make sure you’re enrolled in some science classes. But I meant skills like agriculture, construction, or veterinary care. Something you could learn about that interests you. You won’t be asked to help out around town until you’re sixteen but we like to let you explore different things to see what you like-”
“Could I learn how to shoot a gun?” She leans forward before you can finish your thought. 
“You could apprentice some of the hunters, we could also have you trained for patrol and scavenging which involves gun safety and training courses. You’re a bit young for those but I’m sure I could ”
“Really?” You can tell by the inflection in her voice that she still doesn’t trust you entirely, even if she’s excited.
“Of course, you’ll probably be the youngest student in the training class but I’m sure you can handle it.” She needs something good in her life. You want to protect everyone who finds their way to Jackson but this girl makes your heart ache. Most adults you’ve worked with aren’t able to hold themselves together this long, putting on a brave face despite everything. 
“Do you like burgers?” You almost cringe as you say it, hoping she’s had food outside of the synthetic shit FEDRA produces.
“I guess?”
“I’m having a little cookout tomorrow evening once everyone’s finished their work, it’ll be small, just me and some family but you’re welcome to join. You can bring your friend, I have two little ones you can play with. They might be a little younger than your usual friends but I promise they’re great company.” You swear she almost smiles, and suddenly you just want to make this poor kid smile. “You know, I’ve got a telescope in my garage, so if you stop by it’s all yours.”
“Seriously?”
“Absolutely, I’ve never even touched the thing so maybe you can put it to good use. Let me write down the house description for you, it isn’t too far from this building, you can stop in whenever you want tomorrow. There’s an empty house across the street as well, maybe I could show it to you, see if you like it.” You pencil it down, tearing the paper and handing it to her. This isn’t something you’d typically do but you can’t resist an opportunity to help her feel more at home here. 
“Yeah, I mean that would be great.”
“Perfect.” You lean back in your chair. “What sort of hobbies interest you?” You’ll be in charge of putting together a welcome basket for her since Maria has marked her down as a permanent occupant.
“Reading, I like comics. And I used to draw a lot in the QZ.” Perfect, books are easy to find since Jackson was built around a small library.
“Okay then, I think that’s all I need from you for now but I’ll be around soon once you get housing settled. You can go join Maria and your friend if you’d like, I have to figure out what house we’re going to put you two in but I’ll be stopping by later with a few things for you.” That actually isn’t all you need from her, there are more questions on your mind, one specific question. Ask her what his name is. 
“Thanks.” She stands, quickly heading towards the exit as you grab your notebook, you need to make a list of everything they’ll be needing. 
You shouldn’t. If by some stroke of misfortune you’re right this question will only serve to destroy everything you’ve worked so hard to push away. You shouldn’t.
But you do. 
Before she’s out the door you call out her name, you don’t want to know, but you have to.
“Ellie, what’s your friend's name?”
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You found the treehouse two months after you found Jackson. 
With tears streaming down your face you had dropped the twins off at Maria’s, mumbling apologies before going to the edge of town, a large amount of Jackson was empty, and still is. They’re planning for the future. Someday, generations from now, the town will grow and they’ll use these houses to accommodate families. But for now it’s just an empty town, one that you realized had a treehouse. You had hidden yourself away there, curling up into a ball to become as small as possible.
Tommy had found you hours later, shivering, with no more tears left to cry. And he hadn’t chastised you or asked you why you’d done it, he’d just taken your hand and walked you home. It doesn’t take him hours this time, only about thirty minutes according to your watch. You hear the crunch of his boots, the walking pattern you recognize as his, and the creak of the boards as he pushes the hatch open before sliding up into the small space with you. 
Before he speaks you’re already reaching for him, desperate to cling to some kind of familiar safety. 
“Hey darlin’.” It’s a dance you two do, fluid and instinctual as he pulls you into his arms, you slot yourself between his bent legs as he wraps himself around you. You used to sit like this when you couldn’t find shelter on snowy nights, one of the many habits you had trouble breaking when you found Jackson. Maria would never ask you to change your relationship with him, it was a decision you had made with Tommy when he told you he wanted to marry her. A part of you just sort of knew she didn’t like it, so you stopped. And you’d never hold that against her, if the roles were reversed you certainly wouldn’t be as kind as she’s been. That’s why you’ve always loved Maria, since the first day you met her she has been like a sister, patient but blunt with you. 
Except in this one instance. 
She withheld some particularly important information.
“The twins?” You lay back against him as you mumble.
“Maria’s watching them. They’re helping her make dinner, you shoulda’ seen them in the kitchen. I swear she’s the only person they listen…” His voice trails off when he feels you tensing up all over again as you go back to fighting off tears.
A silence falls between you, familiar and reminiscent of your first few days together out in the woods. And just like back then, you’re the one to break it. 
“Have you seen him yet?” The words feel small and hoarse in your throat.
“No. Couldn’t bring myself to.” He rests his chin on your shoulder, you wish you could find comfort in any of this but there’s just too much dread. Too much unease fills your stomach to relax. 
“Does he know you’re here?” You wish your voice didn’t tremble so much.
“Maria didn’t tell him.” 
“Are we sure it’s even him?” 
“Not a lot of Joel Millers walking around during the apocalypse.” It’s like he can sense your skepticism as he quickly continues. “She said he looked like a Miller.”
“What does that even mean?”
“Like me but grayer.” Fair enough.
“Does he know I’m here?” There’s no way. He couldn’t. 
“No.” 
“Good.” 
“Can’t stay that way forever.” You know that. But you don’t have anything to say about it so you move on, and redirect the anger that mixes with your confusion and fear.
“Why didn’t she tell us?” He can’t take your side in this, as much as you want him to, he has to take her side because her’s is the rational one. Do you have a side? Can you be mad at her for this? Are there even sides?
“Probably because she knew we’d react like this.” His head tilts a bit to rest against your own. You’re thankful for this position so you don’t have to look him in the eye.
“She should have told us.” You’re trying to remain calm but your voice is pitching up higher by the minute. 
“She was going to, she just didn’t know how. She thought she had more time” 
You need to relax. It feels like your heart is going to burst from your chest and you’re certain Tommy feels it too. 
“How did he find us?” He wouldn’t have been looking for you specifically, unless he had a death wish. 
“On accident, I think. Maria said he was looking for me when they found him.” That makes sense. It’s just a coincidence that you’re also here. He has no way of knowing that you even know Tommy. How he managed to locate him is another matter. 
“We’re two thousand miles away from the QZ, how the fuck did he find you?”
“He always gets what he wants.” 
You can’t argue with that. Plain and simple, you don’t need much more than that. 
“I don’t want to see him.” An impossible request, but you make it anyway. 
“We both know that isn’t possible.” 
“Tell her to send him away.” Also unlikely. 
“You know she can’t do that, we don’t turn folks away from Jackson.” 
“Then I’ll leave.”
“Like hell you will.” There is no fight in his voice, just certainty as he holds you a little tighter. Not without me. The silent promise that lingers under his words, but it’s more complicated than that now, you have two toddlers and he has a wife, there is no running away from this. No running away from him
He’s inevitable. 
It doesn’t matter if the world ends, and you run halfway across the country, Joel Miller is inevitable.
“He’s got a kid.” You mumble as you reach for his hand, entwining your fingers with his. You hadn’t realized how cold you were until you felt the warmth of his skin against yours. 
He scoffs. “He’s got two.”
“Another kid, some girl. He brought her here all the way from Boston.”
He shifts a bit, clearly confused. “Why?”
“I was hoping you’d know, it isn’t exactly in his nature to help the needy.” 
He pauses for a moment. “Well, I mean, how old is she?”
“Fourteen.” 
“Well there’s your reason, Sarah was fourteen.”
Sarah.
A girl you know very little about other than the fact that she’s your daughter's namesake. Sarah Ruth Miller. It had been Tommy’s idea, you had only picked out a name for a boy and you owed Tommy everything for keeping you alive that long, so when he asked if he could pick his niece's middle name you’d been more than happy to oblige. 
It hadn’t been Joel who told you about Sarah, he never even told you he had a kid. 
Tommy had told you about it just before the twins were born. You’d been snowed into a cabin and he’d just returned from hunting with a grin on his face as he told you he had a surprise. You couldn’t sleep, between the cold and the pain in your lower back you were just too uncomfortable most nights. Tommy always insisted on staying up to keep you company even if he ended up falling asleep most of the time. 
That night he told you about how he lost his niece on outbreak day as he skinned the fox he’d caught in one of his traps as you sat beside him in front of the crumbling fireplace. When he finished the story he held up the pelt and told you he was going to make your babies first blanket with it. 
Of course at the time neither of you knew that he would have to make a second blanket, or that he would need to do it a month sooner than either of you had planned. 
“I invited him to dinner tomorrow.” No sense in hiding the fact from him, he’ll find out either way. 
“What?” His hand tightens around yours and it’s your turn to comfort him as your thumb rubs circles against the tense skin.
“Ellie- the kid, I invited her before I knew about Joel. Even told her she could bring him.” You almost laugh at how ridiculous it all sounds now. Of course you invited him to dinner completely by accident, sounds like something you would do. 
“Then why don’t we just get it over with?” Or you could leave, brave the Wyoming wilderness with your kids and his wife and make a run for it, far, far, away from Joel Miller. 
But you can’t do that. 
So you might as well get it over with. 
“Together?” You bring his hand up to your face to warm the icy skin of your cheek.
“Together.” 
He means it. He stays with you until the next day, walking you back into town and bringing you to his house. Maria starts apologizing the second the two of you walk through the door but you just hug her. She doesn’t owe you anything, any anger you thought you felt towards her was misplaced. 
And you all settle in for the night. 
On particularly bad nights you’ll spend the night at their house. It’s been happening less and less these last few months but it’s an unspoken decision tonight as Maria brings down sleeping bags from the attic for the kids. 
You tuck the kids in by the fireplace, hoping that they don’t catch the vacant look in your eyes as you kiss their foreheads. Thankfully they both seem to be too excited about having a living room campout to notice. You hear hushed whispers from the kitchen, it sounds like an argument so you just sit on the couch, wrapping a blanket around yourself as you stare out the window facing the street. 
What house did she put them in? There are a few options for temporary housing, but he could be anywhere. The thought makes you nauseous. Thankfully you’re distracted when you eventually hear Maria stomping up the stairs followed by a sigh from the kitchen before Tommy joins you on the couch. 
“Everything all right?” You mumble, hoping to not wake the kids as you offer up some of the blanket to him. 
“It will be.”
God you hope so.
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“How do you wanna do this?” 
Good question. 
Preferably you wouldn’t be doing this at all, instead you would be enjoying what might be the last nice day before autumn sets in entirely. You, Arthur, Ruth, Tommy, and Maria. You’d still be happy if Ellie came over by herself but that’s so unlikely you don’t even consider it an option. Joel’s too protective and you confirmed with Maria that Ellie would be coming. He won’t let her go alone, you know that better than anyone. 
You rub the back of your neck with your freehand. “The kids stay inside with Maria.” Ruth is already there, helping her aunt with the salad as Arthur sits in your lap, playing with a few stones he’s set up on the picnic table. 
“Okay.” Tommy’s biting his nails, you’d spent weeks reprimanding him about that until he broke the habit.  
Your knee starts bouncing, a nervous habit of your own that you’ve had for as long you can remember. Thankfully Arthur simply hums to himself as you bounce him. As far as you can tell neither one of the twins knows something is wrong, you can only hope it stays that way. 
“We can wait for them out here, I can ask Ellie to go in and help Maria with the kids.”
“And then?”
You frown in contemplation. “I haven’t planned that far ahead.”
“So you didn’t plan for the most important part?”
“Did you?” 
His teeth shift when you ask, biting down hard enough to split his nail lower than he intended. You watch as blood blooms there while he curses under his breath.   
“Shit, go inside and grab a bandage, they’re in the cabinet above the sink.” He stands as you wave him towards the house, he brings his thumb to his mouth, his brow furrowed. “And bring Maria and Ruth out with you when you come back so we can go over everything with her.” He nods, humming in response before he disappears behind the screen door.
“Is Uncle Tommy okay?” When you look down you’re met with a worried look plastered on your son's face. You instinctively cup his face with your hand, using your thumb to smooth out the wrinkle between his brows. He looks too much like his father when he does that. 
“He’s okay, love. He’s just gotta go get your Aunt and Ruth.” You lean down, kissing his forehead before turning to set him down next to you. 
“Okay, Mama.” He seems satisfied with your response as he gives your leg a little pat before running off towards the edge of the yard. You’ve got a patch of rocks and gravel the kids like to dig through. You turn to watch him, with your back now leaning against the picnic table as he crouches down, examining the ground before finding a suitable stone. Clutching it in his hand he rushes back to you, holding it up for your approval.
“Very pretty, thank you.” You take it from him with a smile, setting it behind you on the table with the rest of them. He repeats the process several times, staring down at the ground, scrutinizing each rock before bringing the ones he deems good enough over to you. You give appropriate oo’s and ah’s to each one, grateful for the brief peace your son is able to give you. He carries on with this for sometime, until you have a sizable pile of rocks beside you. 
He leaves, and he returns, dozens of times until he decides not to return to the patch of gravel. 
You thank him for the speckled stone he hands you now but instead of running back across the yard he squints, staring up at your expression. 
“What’s wrong?” He hops up onto the bench next to you, grabbing the sleeve of your shirt and bunching it up in his little fist as you give him a soft smile.
“Nothing’s wrong, hon.” You ruffle his hair a bit but he doesn’t seem convinced. 
“Why’d you make a mad face then? Uncle Tommy too.” 
So much for the kids being clueless, they’ve always been too smart for their own good. 
Shit.
You sigh, looking up at the clouds briefly before looking back down at him.
No sense in lying to him. “You know how Uncle Tommy has a brother?” You wrap an arm around him, pulling him close.
His face scrunches up a bit as he thinks. “Yeah…” He doesn’t sound entirely convinced as you give him a reassuring smile. 
“Well, we don’t really- we don’t always get along with Uncle Tommy’s brother, and he’s gonna be visiting us soon.” 
“Why?” 
“He’s in Jackson for a little bit, and he came a long way to get here-”
“No Mama, why don’t you like him?”
This is a conversation you had hoped to have with your children when they’re older. Preferably it would be one you wouldn’t have to have at all, but it’s just another unavoidable part of Joel. They’re already old enough to ask questions, it started when kids in their class began asking if Tommy was their dad. Which of course led to the twins asking you one night just before bed the same question. 
“No love, he��s your uncle, who told you that?” You don’t want that rumor going around, people already talk about it, it doesn’t help that they both bear a resemblance to him.
“No one, Annie asked us.” Your daughter answers as you brush some of her hair behind her ear.  You recognize the name, it’s a girl in their daycare class. 
“And what did you tell her?”
“That we just got a mom.” Ruth answers but Arthur picks up the second she’s finished speaking. 
“Do we have a dad?” He tilts his head to the side as you swallow loudly. 
“Yes, you do.”
“Where?” Ruth asks. 
Last you’d heard he was in Boston. 
“I’m not sure.” They turn and look at each other before turning in unison towards you, you should have known they wouldn’t take that answer. “We lived together for a little while, in New York, and then we got separated.” None of that means anything to either of them but it’s an answer, which is better than nothing.
Arthurs tiny hand squeezes yours, pulling you back into reality. You often wonder if they know when you’re lost in a memory, he looks up at you curiously. What did you do to deserve such a patient child? 
You take a moment to think of a way to phrase it. “We… got into a fight. A long time ago.”
“About what?”
“Grown up stuff.” Your heartbeat quickens, you don’t want him to know about all that, he’s too little, you need to end this conversation.
“What kin-“ When he starts another line of questioning you poke at his sides, sliding him off the bench in a fit of giggles. 
“Time to go inside, nosy little man.” You follow after him as he rushes away, brown hair that’s just starting to curl at the ends falling into his eyes as he runs away from the house.
You catch up to him within a few steps, scooping him up and cradling him like a baby. He lets out a high pitched shriek until you squish your face into his cheek, kissing the rosy skin until he quiets down to a few small giggles. 
“Your aunt needs some help in the kitchen, you’re gonna go play with her and your sister now.” He nods as he squirms in your arms until he’s more comfortable, wrapping his arms around your neck and resting his chin on your shoulder as you walk him back towards the house. 
He’s gonna need a nap soon, which means Ruth is gonna need a nap soon. Maybe you should try and get them both down before everything else happens. 
Right on cue, Tommy pushes open the door with Ruth on his hip, Maria not far behind him. Based on the smiles they’re both sporting you can assume they’ve made up. They always do. 
“I think it might be time for these two to head inside.” Tommy gives you a soft smile and for a single second you get to pretend that everything’s fine. Maria takes a lighter towards the grill, trying to light it as you go to stand next to Tommy, the twins both grinning at each other. 
In your own little bubble, everything is completely fine, and you’re with your family. 
And at the end of your single perfect second the bubble is popped. It all happens before you’re ready, although you doubt you could ever really be ready for this. 
Maria pockets her lighter, mumbling something about going inside to look for matches after a few unsuccessful attempts. You set Arthur down, nudging him in her direction, he quickly runs towards her, taking her hand as she begins to make her way back towards the house. Tommy wraps his free hand around your shoulder. Giving you a reassuring squeeze as you rest your head against him to stare at your little girl. 
“We’ve got this.” He gives you another squeeze but you’re struggling to find safety in it. He’s always been the strong one, the confrontational one. He’s got this. You don’t. You tilt your head to stare at him when Ruth’s gaze goes from your face to his but your head snaps to the side when you hear your name called. 
Everyone looks up. The twins, Maria, Tommy, and you, as Ellie walks around the side of the house and waves at you. The sound of your name makes the man walking behind her look as well, his all too familiar scowl scanning the yard, softening into a look of disbelief when his eyes settle on you.
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Then - NEW YORK CITY, QUARANTINE ZONE : 2019
“I don’t like havin’ you out there on your own. I worry too much.” He mumbles the words against the back of your neck as he tightens his hold around your waist. At some point the two of you had stopped pretending you’d wake up any other way and just went to bed like this. “Stay here, angel.” 
You’re so comfortable you almost consider it, but you ran out of cards last week and you’re cleared for work as of today. “I have to go if I want to sign up for any of the well paying shifts, Joel.” You peel his arms off of you, sitting up as he matches your movements. 
“Don’t sign up for that shit, it’s always somethin’ stupid or dangerous.” His voice is low and thick with sleep as he wraps his arms back around you. “If you need somethin’ I’ll get it for you.” He hasn’t shaved in a few weeks, his coarse facial hair rubs against your shoulder as he murmurs. 
Who knew big, scary Joel Miller could be so clingy. 
The most surprising part of your relationship, if you could even call it that, with Joel is just how needy he is. You don’t have any problems with it, it’s just a bit of a shock. Although maybe needy isn’t the right word. 
Protective. 
You’ve left the apartment two times in total since moving in with Joel, both times you insisted on needing air much to his dismay. He accompanied you around the block without a word the first time. The second time was the same, the only difference was that you stopped to buy a small bag of buttons, Joel had frowned as you made small talk with the older man sitting behind the table before rushing you home. 
“You could have just told me you needed buttons.” He grumbles as he holds the door open for you as you make your way to the kitchen table, taking a seat as you take his flannel off of you, the sight of your tattered sports bra serves as a reminder of how badly you need to get back to work once you’re cleared. 
“I don’t need buttons, you do. Every shirt you own is missing at least one.” You laid the shirt down on the table, pointing to the drawer next to the sink. “Get me the sewing kit.” His frown deepens but he does as you say before sitting down across from you.
Reaching across the table he sets the box down beside you, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “Still, you should have just asked me.” 
You open the small tin, unspooling a bit of thread. “I needed to go outside for a few minutes, it’s stuffy in here.” 
“We could have opened a window.” He grumbles under his breath as you grin, holding the thread between your teeth while sliding the other end through the needle.
“It’s not the same and you know it.” You mumble through your teeth before releasing the thread and setting the needle down. You pour the buttons out onto the table, searching for one that best matches the beige of the buttons on the flannel. Eventually his hand encompasses your own as he guides you to one that’s a slightly different shape but matches the color perfectly. “Thank you.” You give him a teasing smile as you place it over the frayed threads where its predecessor once was. 
That was a week ago and you haven’t been outside since but when Joel went to get the mail from downstairs he brought you a notice from the doctor that you were cleared to return to work today. Despite his protests you start to push the blanket off of you but he’s quick to pull it right back up into place.
“Stay, please.” He continues to hum against your skin. 
“I need the money, Joel.” You turn to look at him, his usual morning sulky look seems doubled today.
“How much do you need?” He raises an eyebrow at you as he lets his face fall forward, his forehead resting on yours. 
“It’s not like that.” You swear, if you asked him to, he'd find a way to give you the moon and stars, but you hate relying on him for everything, especially after such a long time of being dependent on him. “I just need to work.”
“You don’t need to. You want to.” His breath still smells like whiskey from last night as he gives you an exasperated glare. 
“Fine, I want to work. My leg’s fine now, you can barely tell anything was wrong with it. I’ll be okay.” You lean just a bit more towards him, kissing his cheek before sliding out of bed. 
You aren’t exactly dating Joel. 
Dating seems so trivial during an apocalypse, and you haven’t had any conversations about it. It just sort of happened. You woke up one day and neither one of you wanted to pull away from the other, and it progressed from there. He came home from a job one night and climbed into bed next to you, wrapping himself around you and he kissed your forehead before falling asleep. You still don’t know if he knew you were awake. The next night you’d taken his face in your hands and kissed him, just to see what he’d do, thankfully after a moment of shock he’d kissed you back. And it just became another unspoken part of your life with Joel. He kissed you goodbye when he left to go do the things he refused to tell you about in any detail, and you always greeted him with a kiss when he returned. 
But you don’t have sex. 
You want to ask him why but you hold your tongue, it’s possible you’re just being impatient or maybe he just wants to wait. So you don’t push it or bring it up because you like how things are with him. 
The word boyfriend is not a word that suits Joel. 
He isn’t your boyfriend, he’s just sort of, yours. 
“Angel, please.” He continues his griping as he pinches the bridge of his nose. 
“Joel, please.” You repeat back at him, trying to mimic his low tone.  
“I’m bein’ serious. Things have gotten bad out there recently, too much FEDRA bullshit.” 
“It’s always been bad and I’ve always managed, I’ll be fine.” You pull one of his shirts out of the closet, slipping it on, starting to button it as he makes his way to the end of the bed. 
“Can we at least talk about this?” He rests his elbows on his knees as he hunches over. The morning haze on his face is gone and is replaced by the stern scowl you’re used to. 
“There isn’t anything to talk about. I’ll be careful, there’s nothing to worry about, I’ll see you tonight.” After digging through the dresser drawers you eventually find your only pair of jeans. Once your boots are laced you walk back over to him, standing between his legs and taking his face in your hands. 
Staring down into his surprisingly gentle eyes, so dark that in the dim morning light they look pitch black. 
God he’s pretty. 
Even with that stupid pout of his. 
“I’ll see you tonight.” You lean down, placing a kiss on his forehead before pulling away only to be stopped when his grip on your waist tightens. 
“Just- wait.” You’re about to push him away with a laugh but his voice cracks just enough to make your smile drop. 
You start to speak in a soft tone but you only get one word out. “Joel…” 
“Please- I just- I can’t let you go out there and sign up for that shit. There’s jobs that aren’t dangerous, simple stuff.”
“Those jobs pay a few cards at best, hon. I can’t wear your clothes forever, I need new underwear, socks, all sorts of things. And I want to contribute around here, I’ll be okay, I promise.” You push the mess of hair falling across his forehead back as you stare down at him. 
He looks so genuinely upset already and you haven’t even left yet, he’s making this far more difficult than you thought it’d be. “I won’t be able to do anything if I don’t know you’re safe. It’s dangerous for both of us, I can’t be distracted like that.” You sigh, long and loud as you drop your hands to your sides. 
The more you think about it the more it makes sense. He really does worry too much, and even if you don’t know exactly what he does for work, you know it’s dangerous. 
Maybe it won’t be so bad. 
“Okay.” You groan. 
“You’ll stay?” The corners of his mouth start to raise a bit. 
“I’ll do the safer jobs.” The hint of a smile that had been on his face dissipates. “It’s a compromise. You can’t always get everything you want.” 
“Fine, come right home after.”
“I will.” With one more kiss he finally lets you go. 
So, at Joel’s request, you sign up for the easy jobs. 
They’re boring, and generally sort of terrible, and they pay the least, but Joel doesn’t make any further arguments about it. So you keep signing up for them. Typically it’s childcare, or filing documents for FEDRA, or working in the entry level food processing jobs. 
Boring, boring, jobs that involve standing around and doing nothing or wrangling kids who don’t deserve to grow up in a place like this. You hate the look on their little faces, they always look too grown up for their ages. 
But you put up with it, because at the end of the day you get to go home to Joel, Joel who seems to be in significantly higher spirits ever since you’ve agreed to those specific jobs. So you make it work. He makes it worth the banality of it all, at the end of your first week back to work he surprised you with a large paper bag, grinning like you’d never seen him before. When you unfolded the crumpled bag you were greeted with a mess of fabric, different colors and textures. You poured the contents onto the bed and immediately realized what he’d gotten you. Bras, panties, socks, and two pairs of jeans. It must’ve cost him a fortune and your eyes began to water immediately. You had wrapped your arms around him, barely letting go of him for the rest of the night. 
After that it got even easier, eventually you got used to it. 
You learned to live with the terrible jobs, and if you wanted anything you couldn’t afford with your meager savings Joel always managed to get it for you, even if you hadn’t told him you’d wanted it in the first place. 
You probably would have stayed like that forever if you hadn’t started taking the long way home. Weeks had passed before it happened, you had grown comfortable, vulnerable. Joel always made sure you felt safe and you let your guard down just long enough for something to happen. 
Joel had left early that morning, telling you that he was gonna be late, before he kissed you, he was out the door before the sun came up. 
Whenever Joel told you he would be late you took the long way home. Winding back alleys that were mostly empty that always led back to the apartment building. It was just a treat for yourself, something to do to fill time that would be spent at home, waiting for him. 
You never had any issues or alterations. 
Until that afternoon. 
Joel will be late. 
So the second your shift is over you take the handful of cards and make your way through the city. And just like you’ve done every other time, you look behind you every once and a while but not nearly as much as you should. Because of this, you don’t see him until it’s too late. 
It’s a younger man, probably a year or two older than you at most peering around the last corner you turned. Once he knows he’s been seen his pace quickens and instinctively you do the same. 
“On the ground!” The second you hear it you pray it’s for someone else, it has to be, you’ve done nothing wrong. You walk faster, hoping to avoid what could be a messy confrontation when the sound of boots slamming on the pavement rushes towards you and you’re forced up against the wall of the alley. 
In your peripheral you catch the white text against the black of his uniform. 
FEDRA. 
Your knees are kicked from under you as he pins your arms behind your back, the force at which your head hits the stone has you dizzy as you try to catch your breath. Too much is happening too quickly, when you finally feel like you can use your voice the wind is knocked out of you as you feel him hit you in the side, hard enough to have you wondering if he broke a rib. The force of the hit makes your knees crumble completely as the officer lets you fall, only giving you enough time to get to your hands and knees before his boot slams into your stomach knocking you onto your side. 
Finally, when you roll over onto your back you get a clear look at him. He looks like your average FEDRA officer, the only thing out of place is the unsure look on his face. Your ears are ringing so you barely make out what he says, all you catch is something about thinking you were someone else, before he turns and leaves as if it never happened.
Leaving you alone to clutch your stomach and wonder what just happened, and what you did to deserve that. 
You’d never heard of random attacks from FEDRA before. Maybe in other zones, but the city has always been calm as far as that goes. Maybe things really did get worse while your leg was healing. 
Joel was right. 
That’s all you can think about as you stumble to get to your feet, everything hurts but now is not the time to assess your wounds, you need to get home before something else happens. You manage to hobble up the stairs of the building, nearly collapsing by the time you opened the door. 
You feel so stupid. 
Joel was right. 
It isn’t safe out there, at least not for you. No one fucks with Joel, no one attacks him on the street because they’re afraid of him. No ones afraid of you. 
It’s a long couple of hours after that. 
Mostly a lot of berating yourself as you try to take in the extent of the damage. 
Surprisingly it seems to mostly be surface level. Sure, you’re going to bruise pretty bad and your face got scraped up on the stones but nothing permanent seems to have been inflicted. 
Once you’ve showered and slipped into an old shirt of his and a pair of panties you climb into bed, wanting this day to just be over, but you know it isn’t. Right on schedule you hear the lock click as Joel steps through the front door, you hide your face in your pillow. 
“What are you still doin’ up? It’s almost midnight.” His voice is a low whisper as you hear the familiar sounds of him kicking off his boots and setting down his things. You hear the outer layer of his clothing hit the floor, you told him a while ago you thought it was gross that he slept in the clothes he wore all day. He started sleeping in his undershirt and boxers after that. “You okay, Darlin’?” The bed shifts as he sits beside you and the second you turn and look at him his jaw twitches. “Christ… what the hell happened? Who did this to you?” He’s managing to stay mostly calm but you’re already worried he’s going to blow. 
“It’s nothing, I just had an issue with an officer on my way-“
“This is not nothing.” He’s already fussing with your face as you take his hands and move them away from you. 
“Joel-“
“Tell me what happened.” It’s a command and you’re too tired to fabricate something, and for the first time in a while, you’re afraid. 
So you tell him exactly how it happened. And before you realize it’s happening you’re sniffling, a part of you feels like you’re about to be scolded for this but he only nods, never interrupting you until you’ve finished. 
Your vision’s blurry with tears when you look up at him, the weight of being attacked starts to weigh heavy as you realize just how lucky you were that that was all that happened. And then you say the words he’s been waiting to hear.
“You were right, Joel.” 
“I’m sorry, angel. I should have been there to protect you.” He holds his arms open and you don’t hesitate as you lean forward into him. You do your best to hold it together as he lays you down before clicking off the lamp and pulling you back against him. He softly scratches your back, kissing the top of your head as he does. It’s silent for a few more minutes until he suddenly whispers into the darkness. “Tell me you’ll stay here from now on.”
“Joel, I-“
“No more going out there without me. You’ll stay safe right here, no one can hurt you here, not while I’m around.” You open your mouth to argue again but stop yourself. 
He’s right. 
Now that you’ve calmed down you know that you’re lucky to even be alive. You don’t know why you were attacked but you know it could happen again, and there are worse things than being beaten. 
No one would hurt you here, not with Joel around. 
“Stay here, angel.” He murmurs, softer this time. 
Joel is right.
“Okay.”
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He isn’t beside you when you wake up, your hands searching through the cold sheets seeking his warmth. He had mentioned something as you were falling asleep about an early morning supply run but you had hoped to say goodbye before he left, you wanted to make him breakfast. As you get ready to roll back over and sleep a bit more you’re startled into an upright position. 
“You should watch where you’re flying, angel.” You bite back a shriek as Tess’s voice comes from the direction of the kitchen. 
“Christ, you scared the hell out of me!” Your heart skips a beat as you reach over to the nightstand, pulling on the little chain that turns the lamp on. “Joel’s not even here, what are you doing?” You don’t like the idea of being alone with her, she doesn’t come around much anymore, you used to see her in the hall on her way here constantly, but after you moved in she stopped. 
You do your best not to flinch as she makes her way over to you, standing at the foot of the bed.
“I’m not here to hurt you, there’s no need for theatrics.” You hadn’t realized you were shaking so badly until she said it, it takes a conscious effort but you manage to stop it for the most part. “I’m just here to talk.”
“About what?” 
“About you and Joel.”
You don’t want to talk about that with Tess. You don’t want to talk to Tess at all, she frightens you and she knows it. 
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
“Don’t talk to me like I’m stupid.” This time when you flinch she hesitates. For a brief moment the facade of a woman who fears nothing drops, and you swear you see sympathy in her eyes. “Joel is dangerous, you need to be careful with him or you’re going to get hurt.”
Is that why she’s here? To try and break you up? 
“He won’t hurt me, he cares about me.” You wish you sounded more sure of yourself. 
“You’re right, at least for now.” She flips her pocket knife open, ever so carefully running the blade along the underside of her nails, scraping away any dirt or grime she so happens to find, you fight the urge to flinch again. When she finally looks back up at you she takes a moment, examining your expression as if this was an interrogation. “Being loved by him is the worst thing that could possibly happen to a girl like you.”
You can’t help but scoff, now look who’s being theatrical. “A girl like me?”
“Good, too good. And fragile.” She points at you with the blade before returning to her nails. “He’ll do anything to keep you safe, even if it means breaking you into tiny little pieces, just so you’ll fit in a box he can lock.” 
You’re about to call her a liar but you hesitate. “Why are you telling me this?”
“You deserve to know.”
“Okay, but why? You don’t even like me.”
“You wouldn’t be here if I didn’t like you.” 
Fair enough.
“I think you should go.” You don’t want to hear anything else. You don’t believe anything she’s saying and the entire conversation makes you feel sick. She doesn’t know anything about your relationship with him, and she clearly doesn’t know anything about Joel. He’d do anything for you, you don’t think you’ve ever been taken care of before you met him.  
“What do you know about glue traps?” She doesn’t make any effort to leave so you decide to just answer her with a sigh. 
“Like the ones you use to catch mice? I don’t know, Joel buys them sometimes.”
She points her knife in the direction of the corner of the room, it takes a moment for your eyes to adjust. Sure enough, in the corner of the room, peeking out from under his dresser, is the faint outline of something on the floor, you’d never noticed it before. 
“It’s the worst kind of way to catch a mouse.” She stands, walking across the room and peeling up the trap with the edge of her blade before snapping it shut and taking the edge of the trap between her fingers, dragging it across the floor to the middle of the room so you had a clear view of it. “They’ll do anything to get out.” The tip of her boot nudges the corner of the trap, now that it’s been dragged into the lamp light you can see exactly what she wanted to show you. Two things are in the bloody trap. A mouse, barely alive, based on the way its chest rises and falls, and something else. A caterpillar maybe? 
No. 
A leg. A bloody mouse leg, on the edge of the trap. 
“They’ll chew off their limbs, and peel off their own skin just to get out, the ones that manage to are lucky enough to bleed out somewhere else. The ones stuck in the trap though?” She nods down at the creature you now refuse to look at. “They’ve got it the worst. Suffocation, dehydration, the ones who try to peel off and can’t, bleed out, stuck in place.”   
With a sudden crunch, her boot slams down on the trap. You watch, slack jawed, as she peels it off the sole before tossing it in the bin in the corner. 
“I’d take a quick death over either of those.”
“I think you should leave. Now.” You try to sound authoritative but your voice trembles too much to sound anything but afraid. 
“I heard you got caught up in some FEDRA business yesterday.” She starts again but you’ve had enough.
“Tess.” You manage to have a bit of sterness this time in your tone but it doesn’t seem to affect her much. 
“Fine. I’ll leave. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.” You catch that sympathetic look one more time before she unlocks the door chain, twisting the doorknob before speaking one last time. “I noticed some of our inventory is missing, this is the only warning you’re gonna get about that. If you want shit like that just ask, I’m sure Joel would be more than happy to have another way to control you.” She doesn’t turn around when she says it, simply slamming the door and leaving. You have no clue what she’s talking about, but that isn’t the part of the conversation that sticks with you. All you can think about is that crunching sound. 
So you avoided her after that, writing off her words as an act of jealousy. 
Joel would never do anything to hurt you.
Of course you know better now. She was just like you, she had been in the glue trap herself when she tried to keep you from joining her, but you hadn’t listened, instead you’d fallen face first into Joel. And he wouldn't let you go without keeping some of you for himself.
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i don't have a taglist anymore !! follow @lincolndjarinnotifs for updates on all fics !!
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star-girl69 · 3 months
Text
Apocalypse
Clarisse La Rue x Fem!Demigod!Reader
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synopsis: a day of capture the flag, and clarisse finds out you’re ashamed of your scars.
a/n: love love love love love also from this ask
Apocalypse - Cigarettes After Sex
warnings: shitty ending but IDC!!!!!!!, hurt/comfort, more hurt/comfort, god i need to be put down, insecure y/n, scars and all that stuff, possessive clarisse, protective clarisse, soft clarisse, probs ooc clarisse, yeah, swearing, mentions of food, mac n’ cheese is y/n’s fav but you can just pretend if you’re a weirdo and don’t like mac n’ cheese, tell me if i missed anything!!
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“I don’t get it,” he laughs. “How can you be a daughter of Aphrodite and still have those ugly scars all over you?”
You pretend like you don’t hear him, leaning your head back against the tree, staring up at the blue sky through the gaps.
Him and his two friends have been teasing you the entire 20 minutes you’ve been tied up to this tree, captured by the blue team.
That was horribly embarrassing, but you were doing your best to ignore it- instead doing your best to pray to whatever God would listen that Clarisse would win for the red team.
It’s just plain stupid. He’s been saying the same thing over and over again for 20 minutes- can he at least come up with something original?
Besides, you don’t see where he gets off from this. It’s not like you give any reaction, or even look at him. The most you give him is the occasional squeeze of your hands- imagining his neck under them.
“Maybe she’s forsaken you,” he hums, kicking at your limp leg.
You finally look up at him. You’re sitting on the ground, arms at your sides, back pressed to the tree and rope digging tightly into your chest.
“Maybe your mother gave up on you after the second scar,” he says, staring straight into your eyes. “And then you’ve just gotten uglier and uglier ever since.”
You have scars all over your body. Clarisse has them too, and she shows them off proudly, a dramatic story for each one. You have a horrible memory, so you don’t remember all of them- but the tiny one on your jawline is from you accidentally tripping with scissors in your hand as a kid.
Clarisse had laughed hysterically when you told her about that one, pulling you closer when you pouted, saying something about how she was going to carry all scissors for you in the future.
The one on your collarbone is from sparring gone awry. Clarisse likes to kiss that one- it’s silvery smooth, she says some bullshit about how it feels like your lips.
The big one on your arm is from some clawed monster getting a bit too close to you- slashing at your arm and leaving a permanent tattoo of your failure to kill the monster. Or at least successfully run away.
Then, there’s all the tiny ones you can’t remember.
The boy, you seriously don’t even know his name, looks at you. There’s fire in his eyes, he wants a fight, but you won’t give him one. Especially not when your stomach squeezes inside of you in a way that makes you feel like you might throw up.
The conch mercifully blows, even as you feel sick- you don’t want to let his words effect you. But you just can’t help it.
He gives you an odd look, like he’s contemplating just leaving you out there- but eventually releases you. You stand up, dusting yourself off, grabbing your sword from where it was discarded on the ground.
“Good game!” you say, smiling brightly, but you can’t even pretend to be nice to him, so it tapers off into a laugh. He glares at you, but you’re already jogging through the woods, eager to see Clarisse again.
—-
The blue flag waves proudly above a sea of orange camp t-shirts and red helmets, so you smile widely and skip down to the beach. Your team has formed this huge pit of people, everyone congratulating each other, shouting and celebrating. You stick your sword in the sand as you head into it- one person on your mind.
“Clarisse!” you shout, heading straight towards the middle. “Clarisse!”
She actually rips apart two people hugging to meet you.
“Baby!” she says, even when the two people give her dirty looks, pushing past them and into your arms. “We won!” she giggles, kissing your cheek.
“I know,” you smile, digging your face into her neck. She holds you there for just a moment, hand on the back of your head, relishing in the feeling of her girlfriend running to her after a long day.
“Are you tired?” she fusses, squeezing your waist. “What happened? Did you get hurt? I knew I should have made you stay with me-”
“No, Clar,” you laugh, taking your face out of the hiding spot that is her neck and pressing your noses together. “I got captured,” you sigh.
Her fingers wind through your hair.
She scans the crowd, like she might just beat up any random member of the blue team.
“If they don’t learn to not fucking touch you I am going to make them learn.”
“Guard dog,” you tease her.
“And?” she says, leaning down to kiss the scar she loves kissing, right at the beginning of your collarbone. It makes you freeze. “You love it,” she mumbles against your skin.
You can’t think of an answer.
When you stay silent, she looks up at you, confusion in her face.
“What? You look… sad. Did something happen? What aren’t you telling me?”
“N-nothing,” you breathe, because it’s just embarrassing to know you let his words get to you like this.
“You can tell me anything,” she says, searching your eyes.
“I know.”
The conch blows, making you jump at the sudden loud noise. “Lunch!” someone shouts, and Clarisse settles for just grabbing your hand, walking with you back to camp.
—-
You stop by your cabins first, taking off your armor and switching into clean camp shirts. You hesitate for a second, but eventually put on a thin long-sleeved shirt under the orange.
You take extra care in reapplying your makeup, making sure to cover the scar on your collarbone and your jaw, and once everything is as covered as it’s gonna get you set out.
Clarisse is waiting for you outside the Aphrodite cabin, smiling as you open the door, applying lipstick with one hand. She grabs your hand and helps you down the steps, admiring the way you’re so intensely focused on getting the perfect lip, even without a mirror.
It’s not like you have to try very hard, but still.
“I don’t mind waiting a second longer,” she says, bringing you closer by the waist as you tube the lipstick and stick it in your pocket.
“You’re a hungry demon after capture the flag.”
“Yeah,” she says, not really trying to deny it.
You smile and lean against her, pressing a short kiss to your lips.
“Oh, do I look pretty now?” she asks, rubbing in the lipstick that came off onto her lips.
“Always,” you smile.
Her eyes focus in on the green sleeves pulled up to your wrists.
“It’s, like, 100 degrees, baby. You’re gonna boil.”
You frown and shake your head. “No, it’s not that bad. I’m cold.”
She looks at you oddly, but seems to begrudgingly accept it, hand against your forehead as she brushes your hair back. You make it into the buffet style line for lunch, grabbing plates, Clarisse quickly piling hers with a cheeseburger and a hot dog, making you laugh.
“You’re so hungry, all the time,” you mutter when she gives you a dirty look.
“I work out all the time,” she glares. She flexes her arm. “All of this takes a lot of work.”
You stare at her muscles peeking out from just under her sleeves, biting your lip as you quickly look away. She smiles brightly.
“Uh huh, that’s what I thought. You love these muscles, don’t judge me.”
You make your way down the line, scanning the trays of food.
“Ooh,” Clarisse coos, “They have your fave, pretty thing.”
She scoops probably the biggest portion of mac n’ cheese you’ve ever seen in your life, slapping it onto your plate with a smile.
You gape at the now almost empty tray, remembering the still long line behind you. Hopefully there’s another one somewhere.
“Clarisse, we should save some for everyone else.”
She seems actually confused by that statement.
“Uh, yeah, no. My girl gets the best.”
“Clarisse-” but you’ve reached the end of the line and she heads off to a table. You follow her, begrudgingly, because you really do covet this mac n’ cheese like it’s ambrosia.
—-
By the time the night rolls around, you’ve retreated into the blankets of your bed, feeling much safer completely covered up. You’re supposed to be going to the bonfire- all of your siblings have come over and bugged you at least once about going, but you’ve refused them all.
Finally, all of your siblings leave in their pretty but revealing outfits- after today, you don’t think you could ever wear something like that again.
The door to your cabin creaks open.
“Y/N?”
You make a mumbled sound in the back of your throat that’s supposed to resemble “I’m here” but Clarisse is already walking over to you and pulling the blanket off of you.
“Silena told me you were staying back. Why?”
You pull the blanket back up over yourself.
“I’m jus’ tired.”
“Okay…” she says, sitting down on the bed. She puts her warm hand to your forehead. “Are you sick? Do you have a headache?”
“No, Clar, I’m fine.”
“I’m confused,” she huffs. “You love the bonfires. Something is obviously wrong, why won’t you tell me?”
“I’m just tired, Clarisse, that’s all.”
“Fine,” she says. “I can be tired too.”
She kicks off her shoes and climbs into bed with you, under the blankets, chest pressed against your back.
“I’m not good at this. You know that,” she sighs after a second. “And I wish I was. But I do know something’s wrong. And I really don’t know for the life of me what it is, but I really want to know. I really want to help you.”
She traces her fingertips up and down your arms, tracing over the silvery scar from the monster- and you involuntarily jerk away.
“Oh,” she says. She’s painfully observant. She notices everything. She notices you pulling away when she touches your scars. “Your scars.”
Tears well in your eyes before you can stop them.
“W-when I got captured, this boy kept teasing me. And I tried not to let it bother me, I tried not to give him a reaction… but I just- what if I’m not worthy of my mother anymore? It’s embarrassing. I know. But I…”
“Who the fuck said that to you?”
She sits up, eyes blazing, like she can just imagine it and whoever hurt you will suddenly feel her wrath.
You turn around so you’re facing her, laughing.
“I don’t even know his stupid name,” you mutter.
She looks down at you, at the tears spilling from your pretty eyes.
“I’ll kill him later,” she mumbles, settling back down and kissing the corner of your cheek. “He doesn’t know what he’s talking about, baby. You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in my entire life. I’ve never met your mother, of course, so I can say that without getting us both struck down by doves, or something.”
You swat her chest.
“I’ll kill you with doves, watch me.”
She hums. “Probably. Okay, stop. You’re getting me off topic.”
You roll your eyes.
“I’m not good with my words,” she whispers. “But I hope I show you everyday that you are the only woman I have eyes for. This is, like, really embarrassing… but I’ve planned out our entire lives together. We’re gonna go to to college in Arizona by my mom, we’ll have an apartment off-campus, and after we graduate we’ll get married. I really wanna be married to you. And I don’t care if that’s cheesy, I just really want you to look at the ring I’ll give you and be able to feel all my love. Besides, if you ever want to get away from me, it’ll be a hell of a lot harder.”
“I would never wanna get away from you, Clar,” you smile. “It’s not embarrassing. I wanna go to college in Arizona. I wanna marry you.”
“Good, because you didn’t really have a choice,” she smiles.
“And you’re plenty good with your words.”
“Yeah… okay, I guess. But let me show you, too.”
“What does that even-”
She shuts you up by kissing your lips.
“I love your lips. I love how soft they are, and how they feel so perfect against me.”
She kisses your cheek.
“I like your cheeks for the same reasons.”
Your temple, your forehead, your nose.
“Same reasons,” she smiles.
Finally she ends up at your jawline. She rubs over the scar, taking concealer and foundation with the pad of her thumb.
“And I love this scar. It looks kind of like a C, so everyone knows you’re mine.”
“Freak,” you huff, and she doesn’t have to say it. You both know you love it.
She kisses your neck and talks about how she loves the way you get mad at her for leaving hickeys, the dedication you pour into covering them up before you eventually decide it’s too much effort and let them show.
She kisses the scar on your collarbone.
“I like putting my head here, right under your chin. I can feel your pulse. I can hear you swallow, too, which is weird but also soothing.”
She kisses from your shoulder and down to your arm, skimming past the scar. She kisses the back of your hand and your fingertips.
“I love it when you braid my hair, or just put your hands in my hair for… other reasons.”
“Freak,” you mumble again. “You’re just obsessed with kissing me.”
“True,” she hums, kissing back up to your scar. “I don’t have anything poetic to say about this one. It’s just fucking badass. I mean, you got it when you were 12- you survived what most have been something truly monstrous to leave a scar like this, and that’s all you get? Most of the kids here would have died. Even the ones our age. And you escaped when you were only 12.”
You smile like a lovesick fool. The apocalypse could be going on outside, and you would just be here with Clarisse.
“In conclusion, your beauty is actually life changing. I mean, have you seen me? I become a total softie, just for you. And it’s all because I like seeing that pretty smile on your gorgeous face. But you frown pretty, too, which I didn’t even know was possible- so I win either way.”
You smile and put your hand on her face, kissing her softly.
“Thank you, Clar. For always taking care of me, and reassuring me…”
“It’s quite literally my job,” she smiles. “I wouldn’t trust anyone else to do it.”
“You don’t even trust me, Little Miss Makes-My-Plate-For-Me.”
She laughs and presses her head under your chin, her hair tickling your skin, pressing a kiss to your scar.
“It’s my job,” she smiles. “As your girlfriend and future wife.”
“I love you, Clarisse,” you whisper, a secret just for the two of you. Nothing can have you here. No pain, no suffering.
“I love you too,” she says. “I love you so much, my beautiful, beautiful girl.”
—-
the kid who bullied you walking around with a big ass scar on his cheek the next day 😍😍😍😍😍 no….. no clarisse did not cut him with her spear….. ofc not….
—-
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