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bunni-v1 · 6 months

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hii, congrats on 500 followers! if it’s okay, i’d like to request idia, trey and leona with D, J, K, M, and T for the NSFW alphabet ^^

🍓AGH I FORGOT YOU LAST NIGHT! I'm so sorry, I was so tired I didn't even notice you among the full list of requests. Please find it in your heart to forgive me!

TW: Idia is REALLY fucking weird; Incest mention (NOT between Ortho and Idia); Idia being a creep; Idia's kinks; Idia

Idia

D - Dirty Secret: Idia is known to watch the cameras at NRC. What people don't know is those cameras are EVERYWHERE (minus the dorm rooms and bathrooms). He sees the students "sneaking around" in broom closets and darkly lit hallways. He hears the muffled whines and moans of "exhibitionists" trying not to get caught. Little do they know they've had his eyes on them the whole time and he's enjoying himself right along with them. It's even better if you're involved (in the case that you're not together, though he's not against cuckolding completely). Seeing his crush be dominated (or do the DOMINATING) by someone else gets him all hot and bothered.

J - Jack Off: He is in a sexual relationship with his right hand. He jacks off all the fucking time -- at least thrice daily. It's always to the worst shit imaginable too, like fucked up incest hentai, anime girls that are HARDLY legal, the shit you'd imagine a shut-in to be into. He's embarrassed by it, 'cause the shit he does is so gross. He'd find it hot if you wanted to watch him though. He'd be all whiny and shy about it, but it's honestly the sexiest thing he's ever done.

K - Kink: The better question is what kink does he NOT have? Roleplay, marking, hardcore bdsm, cuckolding, blah blah blah. You name it, he's considered it and gotten off to it at least once. However, his favorite thing? Soft mushy sex. The kind where you hold his hand and tell him how good he's doing, how well he gets you off, how big his dick is, how pretty he is when he cries. Ugh, that's the shit for him.

M - Motivation: Brushing his hand with yours is enough to make him pop a boner. You can't blame him though, he's never felt the touch of another person who isn't his literal family.

T - Toys: Yeah of course he uses toys. He has a collection (that he HIDES like it's the nuclear codes or something) that he uses on himself when he feels like it. If you wanted to use them on him he wouldn't be opposed... if you want him to use them on you, well, that's even better.

Trey

D - Dirty Secret: Believe me or not, Trey is a fucking perv. He's REALLY ashamed of it because he's Heartslabyul's resident good-boy big brother. He's a role model for most of his dorm mates, so him creeping on the other guys in the locker room isn't something he wants to get out. Oh yeah, he's a panty sniffer lol.

J - Jack Off: Despite being a perv, he doesn't feel a need to get off all that often. Back at home, he doesn't have the time or privacy to. So he just learned to deal with a raging boner. However, when he does, which is rare, he prefers the fantasy of you under the table sucking him off during class over anything porn can offer.

K - Kink: Trey isn't all that kinky, other than the whole panty-sniffing thing. He likes things simple and easy, but he enjoys a power-dynamic kind of situation a lot. Never tell anyone this, but if you wanna play step-siblings with him, it's probably the hardest he ever cums in his life.

M - Motivation: Giving him personal attention over anyone else is a surefire way to get him up and going. Especially when other people want your attention, and you just hard focus on him. Sevens, he loves that, fuels a very rare possessive side of him that he doesn't let out often.

T - Toys: Nah, Trey's a pretty "I'm gonna do it myself" kinda guy. If a toy can give you more pleasure than he can, he's not really doing his jobe right, is he?

Leona

D - Dirty Secret: He wants to be DOMINATED. Put him in his PLACE, call him a good kitty, make him grovel, and beg for you to let him cum. It's his ultimate fantasy, and he wouldn't EVER admit it to anyone -- especially not you. He can't let you know you could have that power over him. (He's a hard dom until he's not, lol).

J - Jack Off: A lot of people say that Leona doesn't jack off but like...? Are we talking about the same character? There is NO WAY he doesn't just lay in bed and stroke it on a really lazy day. Like, yeah he doesn't particularly enjoy it, he'd rather have you, but you have to do what you have to do to get off.

K - Kink: Leona, surprisingly, isn't into anything too humiliating for his partner. I mean, he's got a humiliation kink that goes both ways -- but that's completely verbal degradation stuff. He's a choker, but he'd never slap you. He's pretty much into everything you'd expect a hard dom to be into, but he'd never physically hurt you. It's against his moral code.

M - Motivation: It's hard to get him motivated if he's not into something. So really, there's nothing that gets him motivated, he either wants to fuck you or he doesn't and nothing's changing his mind. Even that pretty silk set he bought you. He's tired now, come take a nap with him. (If you're insistent, he'll eat you out or smth, but don't expect much more than his mouth and hands.)

T - Toys: Leona, like Trey, is very much an "I can do it myself, we don't need toys" guy. And, he's right, he can. He honestly finds toys insulting to his ability and refuses ANYTHING like that ANYWHERE near him or you.

#twst #twisted wonderland #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #x reader #bunni's treats 🧁#leona kingscholar x reader #trey clover x reader #idia shroud x reader

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keepyourpantsongohan · 2 months

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Ayesha Liveblogs Spy x Family S2

Awww, I like that Bond Forger the Dog also gets an intro about HIS secret identity. Equal opportunity deceit

Are we finally going to learn who exacty Yor is fighting? I would like to know!

Been there Anya, I also had little patience for watching the news as as a kid. Though, it seems more important in a pre-internet era

"Okay, you can change the channel." Loid Forger, International Spy, defeated by one (1) sad look from his little daughter

"I absolutely cannot tell him that I got shot in the butt while fighting a group of armed men." 10/10 episode plot, I cannot wait

"I've been relying on her too much without realizing it, and it's upset her. Yes, that must be it! I must do everything in my power to remedy this at once!" Loid immediately blaming Yor's mood on himself and deciding he has to be respond by being a better husband!!! I will keep saying it. He is THE Husband. World's Most Husband

"Why don't we go on a date?" HEE HEE

Puzzling that Yor thinks she hasn't been on a date though, when I can think of at least three dates so far (party-grenade-proposal date, lunch date, and drinks-and-reassurance date)

"I can't leave Anya alone at home, and this is a very important mission to ensure that we remain one happy family." It seems Loid has learned from the spy transmission debacle

"Last night, I came up with 862 date plans to ensure that Yor has fun." He's insane. I want to give him a leetle kiss

HAHAHAHA Franky being absolutely thrilled to bother Loid and Yor on their date. What a friendship 💕

Intriguing that Anya's telepathy has a distance limit. Tell me more!

Honestly, Yor having to position herself in a specific way to avoid pain is relatable. We love a chronic pain queen

"This woman had built up an immunity to poisons." HAHAHAHAHA the poison fixing Yor's pain. Sometimes, drinking does solve your problems!

LMAOOOO them censoring the bomb components. A real "don't try this at home" moment

NOT THE BABY MAKING THE BOMB. ANYA PLEASE

"I'm going to forget all this and live a normal life." Perfect. Forgers reforming their enemies left and right

"If it's not too much trouble, please invite me out again sometime." Never let being married stand in the way of your husband becoming your boyfriend 🥰

SCREAM at Bond's perception of what Loid does for work. I guess he's closer to the truth than most:

"Are you trying to do this for your... no. Are you trying to get revenge for your friends who were experimented on?" HAHAHA is Loid blushing because he wants to call himself his dog's dad?

FBKFJHFFHKJHF Loid taking on Bond as his mission back-up. He truly can be swayed so easily

WHERE DID LOID GET A DOG-SIZED SKI MASK AHHAHAHA

I love the giant puppy spy sidekick, employ this dog ASAP

"While they're busy playing, I'm going to work hard to get to the top," said Damian Desmond, Six Years Old, for whom The Top was beating all the other little bougie first graders

"Your friendship... preciously elegant." Me whenever I finish hanging out with my friends

I love that Henderson-sensei sends the kids out on a picnic as a punishment. He really is as silly as he is strict

I don't know if this is a vegetarian thing or a cultural thing but it always seems wild to me how people in anime bite into fish, scales and all

"Did you know that the most recent studies in neuroscience suggest that your brain feels really revitalized when you're spacing out?" I like Mr. Green, Grizzled Navy Custodian, too

HAHA Damian trying his hardest to space out. Me when people tell me to practice mindfulness

"Oh, you don't [have a goal], eh? That's perfectly fine!" "Actually, I want to live my life eating lots of snacks." "Splendid! You'll have to think earnestly about how to make that possible." I take it back, I LOVE MR. GREEN

Ready to sob about this field trip actually. AHHHHHHH:

"Good evening, Mr. Vile Trash." ACAB; All Cops are (Weird) Brothers

"What's so wrong about trying to improve the country my family lives in?" Nothing but the hostile, paternalistic nationalism of a Cold War, Frank Perkin, Newspaper Sensationalist and Adult Bully of Wealthy Children

"I'll request that your father gets some financial aid to get by." I feel like that will not make up for imprisoning his son, Yuri, but whatever helps you sleep

"Blech." That's also how I feel about Weird Brother Yuri, Anya

"Revenge will only make you sadder. I'll make you forget about all that with my love." This is the plot of Naruto

Honestly, I was super sold on the Bondman Polycule when it was just him, his spy partner Agent M, and the enemy spy lady who had all linked arms together. I feel like this could work:

"How was anything he did gentlemanly?" Loid said: I'm a one-woman kind of spy

"Lord Damian, how could you possibly pick the joker there." "Shut up!' [Internally] She's so unfair... Damn it! I like to believe Loid might approve of Damian's crush purely because he is also willing to do whatever Anya wants if she makes one (1) sad face

Poor Anya. She's really most suited to using her street smarts

"Garden? The group of assassins who have been in this country for ages? They're basically urban legends, aren't they?" FINALLY we're finding out more about Yor's job!! They do in fact seem at cross purposes with the spies

[Loid already walking away] "He's such a heartless jerk." I bet you $5 he has already decided to help Franky LMAO

Update from 8 min later: Alright, I owe you $5, he didn't care

"Am I normal?! Oh, thank goodness!" said Yor excitedly, as if that were not a moderately suspicious response to being called normal

Excited for an ep with no double-barreled title. Plot progression!

I truly don't know where this falls on the spectrum of ways that anime will depict black and brown characters LMAO. Like Donovan Desmond, the Shopkeeper has an extremely haunting aura:

"You will be providing protection on this mission." Oooooh, change of pace!

"Is there actually any reason why I should continue my job as a killer?" A question every assassin should ask themselves, I think

"HQ may or may not be trying to cut back on our shady overtime practices." Incredible. I can't believe even the underground spy agency has PTO. I wonder who regulates spy labour law

"If not for this bodyguard job, the three of us could've enjoyed this vacation together." AWWW Yor loves her family so much

"You can say this is a gangster's destiny." [Reba voice] A single mom who works too hard, who loves her kid never stops!

"Papa! We need to hurry up and explore the ship before it sinks!" "It's not going to sink! Stop scaring everyone." The fact the staircase looks distinctly modelled after that one scene from Titanic really sells Anya's point

Loid incapable of framing having fun as anything but a mission ljggkjgj truly he might benefit from a Real Psychologist

"That family's just for camoflauge, right?" "Yes, you're right... Is... that true?" I love Yor slowly admitting that she loves her family for their own sake 💗

As Yor was declaring doing her best, I did worry briefly that someone was going to [redact] Olka. Other anime have been less kind to me than Spy x Family

I love Yor making another mum friend in Olka 💞 Gal pals

Finally saying suspicious things in public has a consequence!!

"It's been a while since we've had dinner without Mama." "Yeah, it's a bit lonely." Hee hee, Loid misses his wife

I love the immediate transformation in Yor's face as soon as Olka/Shaty says she didn't order room service

I don't have much to say but I am really entranced by the assassin vs. assassin + informant goings on!!

"I may not look it, but I'm a married woman, so I'll have to decline." Absolutely loving Yor quietly and efficiently beating these hitmen unconscious as she passes through the cruise ship

"Which is it?! Would normal parents buy their child something in this situation or not?!" Loid is incapable of making a decision without thinking about how it looks in relation to him being a spy. Anxiety king

[In Anya's mind] "Yor! You're an assasin who hates frogs? Let's get a divorce. The Forgers are done." Like father, like anxiety-ridden daughter

"I am a normal father. A good father," said Loid, which is frankly not usually something a good or normal father would say

"Papa, you're not excited at all." Loid defeated by one (1) six-year-old's piercingly accurate psychoanalysis

Loid is facing a true Psychological Battle: The Fitting Room

Anya Ultimate Wingman Award for convincing everyone her mum's battle is actually a circus act

Awwww, Zeb, Fake Husband to Olka, likes her. I hope this is a healthy experience in Yor seeing other fake couples work it out, but I do also think Zeb could mega-die

"As long we people continue to be people, conflict will never end." Alright, Director Doomsday, calm down

"What am I? What am I doing this for?" [B Eilish voice] What was I made foooooor?

"Does she hate me? Or is she just going through a rebellious phase?" Loid whenever one of the Forger girls looks upset: THIS MUST BE MY FAULT SOMEHOW

A hasty and confident NO to Assassin Sniff's whole vibes

We interrupt this program to think about how cute Loid and Anya are!! I love Loid entertaining Anya and also supporting her while he thinks she's missing Yor

"Nice, Mr. Husband!" Oh good, we love a bulletproof vest for Zeb!

Truly a wild juxtaposition of Forger Family Fireworks Night:

"This might be a bit late to ask, but would you consider just peacefully going home?" I love you, Compassionate Combat

I'm having a hard time believing all this will happen without Loid eventually noticing; the fireworks are long gone. I actually do hope Loid crashes her battle, Director Doomsday is out cold

"I'm doing this to support my family.... wait. I guess I am also doing this for money. But... no, I make enough to survive now. I'm hunting down bad guys for my country! For my country? Have I always been so righteous? What am I doing this for?" Poor Yor, this is like the worst possible time for an existential crisis

YOR AND LOID BOTH BEING MOTIVATED BY THEIR DESIRE FOR OTHERS TO LIVE A PEACEFUL LIFE 😭💘😭💘😭💘😭💘

[In Yor's flashback] "Be it for someone else, or for a specific reason, having to endure a merciless job... That's something to be very proud of." I'm sure Loid will acknowledge me. He'll forgive me. I like to think so too, Yor!!

Never mind to Loid helping Yor out, he is busy disarming a bomb threatening to sink them. This truly is the Titanic LMAO

LGLHGLGJHGLJHG Anya accidentally tripping the assassins so they shoot each other. Like mother, like daughter 💖

"You'll be able to enjoy the symphony of agonized screams and roars coming through the wiretaps on this ship." I can't wait for Loid to sink this guy with his own clock-bomb

Update from 30 seconds later: See? Self-owned and sunk

Awwwww Yor really does deserve the baby hug after the day she's had:

"I pray that, someday, you and your family will be able to find true peace." OLKAAAA

"I know it was an emergency, but I ended up casting my family aside again." Loid and Yor having the same crisis about whether to prioritize their family or their jobs 🥺🥺🥺

Loid's blush at Yor catching him skipping as he continues to skip over in her direction. Hee hee

"I hope peaceful days like this will continue forever." ME TOO, YOR!

Get you a mum who would secretly beat up sharks for you ❤️‍🩹

Setting aside how fun snorkeling is, absolutely terrible idea to go into the ocean with an open wound OMG

Loid carrying his whole family is the cutest thing I've ever seen, 10 bajilion/10zo; perfect:

[Internally] "You did a great job." Loid is in loooooove

"I can never tell if he's actually clever, or clumsy." Me either, Handler

Anya learning about the vacation disparity of rich kids LMAO

"If youre going to create a persona for yourself, you need to be strategic and commit." Not Loid turning this lie lecture into a spy lecture in his mind

"Lying is too much work, so I'll try not to do it anymore." Anya's entire set of adult role models do nothing but lie all the time, she really has no frame of reference for honesty

I do a little bit hate the Becky fantasizing about Loid thing, I have been Cardcaptor Sakura'd too much in life

NOT ANYA SELLING OUT HER MUM FOR THE POSSIBILITY OF BECKY BEING HER RICH SIX-YEAR-OLD STEPMUM OH MY GOD

I feel like they take a lot of liberties in translating "Loid-sama" as "my precious Loid" but hey, he is precious

"Yor's going to get the wrong idea, somehow." Loid has finally registered that this child is obsessed with him and he is only concerned for wife not thinking he's a freak. A good husband above all else

"I really don't understand the children of rich people." Me either, Loid

I need you to see Loid's face as Becky declares that this is his expression of love for Yor:

"Your heart is as vast as the sky, and you're stronger than the earth itself. You're the perfect lady." Correct, Becky! Yor is amazing

"I had some extra souvenirs left after handing them out to everyone else. Do you want them?" LMAO @ the implication being lost on Fiona that he doesn't even think of her enough to warrant her own souvenir

I will say, I really do resonate with the theme of the ep being Loid is Hot and Amazing to Everyone But No One Will Ever Measure Up to Yor in His Eyes

"Maybe you're too nice, and biting and barking don't really suit you." Everyone in the Forger family is too nice for their job, including Bond Forger, Precognitive Puppy

Awwww Bond trying to help out all the humans with his visions

LNKFHKFHKJFH Loid really just got reprimanded by his dog

"And he went into save [Daisy the puppy]? What an impressive dog!" I love the Spy Dad-Psychic Puppy tag-team ❤️

[Internally] "I am a cool-headed spy. I cannot let my emotions show." Loid remains deadpan through SO many things but his dog looking a little funny while wet is his limit. What a man!

"Don't push yourself too hard. There's someone waiting back home who would be sad if you died." 1) V sweet, dad first, hero second. And 2) This is the second time Loid has directly spoken to his life situation with a simultaneous thinly-veined dog metaphor

WAHHHHHHH Loid and Bond's heroics being acknowledged by Anya giving them little paper Stellas:

Yor immediately joining in and congratulating them for their hard work on their walk!!! I LOVE ONE (1) SPY X FAMILY 😭😭😭😭😭 IT'S A NICE SHOW

#ayesha talks anime #spy x family #liveblogging #sxf series #spy x family series #ayesha liveblogs spy x family #long post #guns tw #moqueueton #been a while since i've been able to watch 2 seasons of a show in succession!! very fun to continue

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matthewkniesys · 11 months

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i know it won't work - trevor zegras

summary: You let go of Trevor but why can't he let go of you? You know it won't work so why can't he see that? You're only trying to save each other from more heartbreak than necessary. You just want him to be happy.

a/n: this is the second fic in my good riddance by gracie abrams fic series. you don't have to read the first one for this to make sense. so this is my first song fic so please be nice. idk if i did it right. everything in bold is the song lyrics. i recommend listening to the song but you don't have to. i really do love this fic so hopefully yall will too🫶

pairing: trevor zegras x gn!reader

warnings: angsty and some swearing

good riddance fic series

The last year has been hard for you. Nobody ever told you how hard graduating highschool would be. Everyone paints graduating as this big celebration. You're never warned of the hard choices you’ll have to make and the people you’ll lose. The one person you never expected to lose was your childhood best friend and boyfriend of 3 years, Trevor Zegras. And you could never have predicted that you would be the one walking away. Not him.

I left you there

Heard you keep the extra closet empty

In case this year I come back and stay throughout my 20s

Your body is drained of any energy. Moving into your dorm room has sucked any will to do anything for the rest of the day out of your body. You’re excited for the new chapter that University will bring to your life but you’re also mourning the loss of the life you had before. You feel like a different person since everything in your life did a complete 180 a few months ago.

Leaving Trevor was probably the hardest thing you’d ever done. You didn’t just lose your boyfriend that day, you also lost your best friend. It was what needed to happen though. It was this one day when he made a comment about how he would follow you anywhere and give up hockey in a heartbeat that made you freak out. You had to cut ties. Trevor loved you in an all consuming way. You loved him in a nostalgic kind of way. In the way that you two had been best friends forever. You loved him but slowly you were realizing it wasn’t in that same romantic way his love for you was. It was not purely but more platonic. You couldn’t ever see yourself marrying him and so even though it hurt both of you, leaving was the right decision. If only Trevor could understand that.

Picking up your phone to check social media, you see you’ve got a missed call from a friend, well she’s probably your best friend now, since you walked away from Trevor. You choose her number from your recent contacts and let it ring until she picks up.

“Hey, y/n, how are you? Are you all settled in?”

“I’m good. It was a real tight fit, to get everything in the dorm but it worked out. How about you? How’s your dorm? I can’t believe we are literally on the opposite side of the country now.”

Your friend laughs, “ Yeah, it was quite the tight fit here too. The dorms are tiny. But I’m doing good. I’m excited for classes to start.”

You pause for a second, wanting to ask the question that’s been burning in the back of your mind for weeks now. You wanted to know how Trevor was. Trevor and your friend had always been close. When you walked away from Trevor you didn’t want them to have to end their friendship so they still hang out.

Stuttering, you ask,” Hey, um how’s Trev doing?”

“Are you sure you really wanna know?” Yes, you are sure. At this point you feel like you need it as much as you need the air you breathe. You can guess he probably isn’t doing great, you aren’t either but you need to hear it from someone who knows.

“Yes, I do.”

“Okay, well I’m gonna be honest with you.” She pauses. “He’s fucked up over you. You walking away from him really came out of the blue. He blames himself. He thinks he did something wrong.” Hearing that he thinks it’s his fault breaks your heart. All he did was love you with all of himself and you couldn’t reciprocate that.

“I-fuck. Why couldn’t I just love him back? It’s what he deserved and I couldn’t give it to him.”

“Y/n, it’s okay. In the long run this will be better. At least neither of you will be stuck in a shitty relationship. But if I’m being completely honest I think Trevor still thinks you’re gonna come back. Like you’re gonna realize you made a mistake and change your mind. You probably don’t wanna hear this but he keeps the extra closet empty. You know, just in case you decide to come back and stay for good.”

Hearing that, shatters your heart into a million pieces.

What if I won’t?

How am I supposed to put that gently?

And down the road

You will love me until you resent me

You talk for a few more minutes but then you hang up, your heart wasn’t really in it and you’re emotionally exhausted. You feel as if your body is about to combust. Sighing, you toss your phone on the bed and flop back, shutting your eyes and letting your thoughts consume you.

You shouldn’t go back to Trevor. It wouldn’t be fair to you or him. It would only cause more pain than it’s worth. But maybe a little part of you still wants to. You miss him. There is history there that can’t just be erased.

You feel like you need to tell Trevor that you really meant it. He can’t keep holding out for you. He needs to live his life. He’s at BU this year and next year he’ll be in the NHL. All you want is for him to be happy. You want him to go out and kiss other people and to find the person of his dreams but instead he’s hung up on you.

If he stays hung up on you, if he can’t move on he’ll eventually start to hate you. He’ll love you so much that it’ll turn into resentment if it hasn’t already. And even though you broke his heart you really, really don’t want him to resent you. You couldn’t stand it. He still means the most to you.

I’ve had the thought

Tried to work it out through anxious pacing

What if I’m not

Worth the time and breath I know you’re saving?

Despite being tired down to your bones, you slept horribly that night. Knowing that Trevor might be up at this very moment, not being able to sleep because of what you did is killing you. You aren’t worth this much thought or time. He could have anyone. Any kind, beautiful person that he wants. Someone who can give him everything but instead he’s agonizing over you. For fucks sakes he even has a closet empty just for you. He must really believe you’re coming back.

It’s your first night sleeping in your dorm and that isn’t helping either. You look over at your roommate who is peacefully sleeping, wishing you could be doing the same. You grab a water bottle and chug half of it trying to gain your bearings. Your mind is running wild and you need to do something.

You start pacing back and forth, in your tiny dorm room. You really hope your roommate doesn’t wake up because you don’t need someone you barely know thinking you’re crazy.

You just want Trevor to just move on. To not let you live rent free in his mind. You aren’t even worth it. You’ve seen how many other girls are after him. He could have any of them. You aren’t worth it. He’s saving too much for you and he needs to let it go.

But it’s a lot

All the shine of half a decade fading

The whole facade

Seemed to fall apart, it’s complicated

You’ve known Trevor for your whole life and liked him for 5 of those years. Until it just kinda stopped. You stopped wanting him so much romantically and you just wanted to go back to being best friends. Part of you, a big part, wished you had never even dated in the first place.

A few months before graduating everything started falling apart with Trevor. It stopped feeling right, your relationship. It stopped feeling like where you wanted to be. You hoped it would pass but it didn’t. The feeling kept growing and growing until it felt like there was just a huge hole in your chest where something wasn’t quite right. Where something was wrong.

And part of me wants to walk away 'til you really listen

I hate to look at your face and know that we're feeling different

'Cause part of me wants you back, but

I know it won't work like that, huh?

Weeks fly by but it doesn’t really get that much easier. You’re happy and you’re making friends but you still miss Trevor. And you’ve gathered from talking to hometown friends that still talk to him, that Trevor isn’t really doing any better. You can’t get past the fact that you’re the one making him hurt like that.

It’s completely sudden. You aren’t expecting it. There’s no text, no build up. Just one day out of the blue he calls. You don’t want to pick up. It’s only gonna lead to false hope for him that you want to get back together and false hope for you that he wants to simply just be best friends again. But you can’t help it, you pick up the phone and answer.

“Y/n,” Trevor says the moment you pick up, sounding a little breathless.

“Um, hey Trev.” You don’t know what else to say so you leave it at that.

You hear Trevor mumble, “Oh fuck, there’s no way i can do this.” and then he starts talking.

“Y/n, please, please tell me what I did wrong so I can fix this. I miss you. You’re my best friend and the love of my life. I need you.”

Fuck, you won’t get through this. You can’t stand to talk to Trevor, knowing you both feel completely different. And it’s the fact that he thinks it’s his fault. That he did something wrong.

You desperately wanted to tell Trevor that you would come back, that it could be like old times but you can’t. It would be a lie. It could never be the same ever again.

A part of you wants to go back and just say fuck it. You want your friendship back so badly that you’re willing to fake the romantic part. Maybe you’ll eventually for real fall back in love with him. It’s possible, but you know that’s not right. It won’t work like that.

“Trevor, you didn’t do a single thing wrong. It just wasn’t working. It wasn’t meant to be forever. I have so much love for you still but not in the same way that you do. We can’t keep doing this to each other. We need to get past this. Hanging up the phone was hard. Sitting with your thoughts after was harder, but you’ll get through it. You did the right thing.

Why won't you try moving on for once? That might make it easy

I know we cut all the ties but you're never really leaving

And part of me wants you back, but

I know it won't work like that, huh?

In the weeks that follow you don’t hear anything from Trevor. Until mid November and then everything starts seeping back in.

First it’s a text. A simple, hey, how are you? And you know you shouldn’t respond so you don’t. And then it’s pleading. It’s text saying we need to talk or I miss you. And you almost respond to those because you can’t bear to think that you are causing Trevor so much pain. But again you hold out and don’t respond. It’s when he starts picking up the phone and calling that you can’t stop yourself.

He called you once, you didn’t pick up. He called you a second time, and still you restrained yourself, but the third time was when everything went crashing down.

You had been having a really shitty day to start off with and you were already in the worst of your feelings, so when Trevor called it’s like it breaks a dam inside of you. A wall that had been holding strong but was now toppling over.

You pick up the phone and for a minute it’s just dead silence. You hear Trevor’s breathing so you know he’s there but he hasn’t said anything. So you decide to speak first.

“Trev, I thought we agreed to cut ties. We can’t keep doing this. You need to move on. This isn’t healthy for either one of us.”

“ Y/n, you’re the one who said we should cut ties, I never agreed. I need you in my life. I miss you.” The desperation in Trevor’s voice makes you want to cry. It makes you feel as if someone took a jagged piece of glass and cut open the wound that was slowly starting to heal. The wound that you inflicted by walking away. A part of you still wants him. But you can’t. You just can’t. It isn’t possible.

I'll open up

I'm thinking everything you wish I wasn't

The call was tough

But you're better off, I'm being honest

You take a deep breath. You need to give Trevor the closure he needs and then leave for good. You need to explicitly say that this won’t work. You need to tell him without any fancy words that he needs to accept that you're not the one for him.

“Trevor,” you plead, needing him to listen, “You need to walk away. I’ve been trying to for months now but you keep pulling me back in. I’ve already moved on but you’re the one who won’t let me leave. We were what we were but we can’t be that anymore. I’m not the same person I was 3 years ago and you aren’t either. Let me go and in the long run we’ll save each other a ton of hurt. I love you but this won’t work. You have to let go. I’m gonna hang up and you aren’t gonna call me again.” You pause, catching your breath. “I wish you nothing but the best. Goodbye, Trev.

You sit in silence for a moment. It was hard. You have tried telling him goodbye before but this felt much more final. After all the other times you tried saying goodbye to Trevor, you still felt as if there was more to the story before it would be over. You hoped the story was over now. It was the best thing for you and for Trevor.

So won’t you stop

Holding out for me when I don’t want it

Just brush me off

I’m your ghost right now, your house is haunted

It took all of five minutes for Trevor to call you again. 5 fucking minutes. God, all you want at this point is for Trevor to move on. To realize this is the best thing that could’ve happened. You don’t pick up. You need to set some boundaries. You can’t keep picking up the phone when you don’t wanna talk. He needs to just brush you off and move on.

But he calls 4 more times that night. And you’re scared it won’t stop. So you pick up. Of course you do. It’s that little part of you that still wants him back that makes you.

“Trevor, you need to stop. I’m sorry but we can’t. I don’t know how many times you want me to say this. I know this won’t work the way you want it to or at all. So please I’m begging you stop. Put both of us out of our misery. You start moving on so I can finish letting go. Trevor, don’t call me again or I will block your number. I don’t want to because for some reason it just feels wrong. But I will. Goodbye, Trev.”

You hang up and this time you know. It’s final. Trevor won’t call again. You’re sad but more than that you’re relieved. You can finally start living again.

It’s as if for these past months you’ve been this ghost for Trevor. One that would constantly follow him. You were haunting him and know you’re finally being set free.

I know it won't work like that, huh?

It’s been years now. You don’t think about it often but every once in a while Trevor will pop into your mind. You’re happy. You really are. And from what you see on social media, Trevor is too.

You try not to dwell on it but sometimes you think about what might have been. What might have happened if you had gone back to Trevor. And honestly you aren’t sure. Maybe everything would’ve worked out and the two of you would be happily together right now. Or maybe it would’ve ended up being exactly what you thought would happen if you went back.

You truly believe you made the right decision in letting Trevor go. You knew it wouldn’t work the way he was envisioning. And hopefully you spared the both of you a lot of heartache.

You’re happy right now. That’s what matters. You and Trevor don’t talk much except for the occasional birthday message but maybe that was how it was supposed to be. You knew it wouldn’t work like that and you made the right decision, for you and for Trevor. You had and still have so much love for him and that’s all it’ll ever be. And you’re okay with that. You really are.

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dwobbitfromtheshire · 15 days

Text

Nancy wandered into Max's hospital room after everyone was unexpectedly kicked out. Max was lying in the bed, her head bent as she cried. Maybe she shouldn't. . .maybe she should give her the space she said she wanted. She couldn't leave her alone to cry, though. She sat carefully in the chair next to Max and took her hand. Max jumped.

"Who's there?" Max asked, her eyes trying to look around the room.

"It's Nancy," she said softly.

"I said that I wanted to be left alone," Max said.

"I know. I was never really good at doing what people told me to do, though," Nancy said, smiling when Max laughed.

"Me neither," she said softly.

"I just wanted to let you know that I'm here for you if you need to talk," Nancy said.

"I'm just - I'm really bad at letting people in," Max said.

"I'm the same way," Nancy said. "When things get rough, I tend to push away the people who matter the most. . .especially when they just fall apart, and then you just let them."

"I want to let people in, I really do," Max said softly.

"Yeah, me too," Nancy said.

"I don't know where to start. Every time I think about it, it's like I can't breathe," Max said.

"I think for me, my biggest fear is that my pain will somehow hurt them more than if I just let them go. In some weird way, it's my way of protecting them," Nancy said.

"Yeah, that makes sense," Max said.

"Somehow, in the back of my mind, I tend to think it's better if I do this alone, but we live in a world dependent on people and as much as we try to admit that we don't want help or think we don't need help there's always this part of us trying to reach out for the people we care about the most. We keep trying to push it away or stamp it out because there's people in our lives who tell us we don't need them, that we don't fit. Like my mom said to me once, 'People are always saying you can't. That you shouldn't. That you're not smart enough. Not good enough. This world, it beats you up. Again and again. Until eventually. . .most people, they just stop trying.' I think when you start to believe that, it starts to come true. I think the hardest thing for people to say is that they can't do this alone. I think it takes a lot of strength to say that you can't or don't want to do it alone. Max, you're the strongest person I know, I think you can do it. No, I know you can do it," Nancy said.

"In the junkyard," Max said, sniffling. "When Steve moved me out of the way to protect me from the demogorgon, and stood in front of us holding up the bat. . .no one's ever done that before. Not Billy, not Neil, not even my mom. . .it's the first time I felt like I could do it myself. I looked at Steve and thought that this was what a brother's supposed to be. He's supposed to protect you, not hurt you, and when I saw Billy hurting Steve, I had to stop him. For a long time, I just wanted Billy and Neil to stop hurting us. When Billy died, I thought it was my fault, so I pushed Lucas and everyone away because I thought I was protecting them."

"It's not your fault, Max. What happened to Billy. He had many chances to do the right thing by you, to be the brother you needed. He failed you, Max, and you wishing for him to stop hurting you doesn't make you a bad person. You didn't wish him to die, did you?" Nancy asked.

"I just wanted it to stop," Max said.

"He waited until it was too late, and because of what Dr. Brenner did. . .because of the Russians. . . He died without really making it up to you. All these things that happened to you aren't your fault. The blame lies on other people. I know what it's like to feel guilty about the things that are out of your control. I know what it's like to deal with trauma that no one's ever dealt with before. How do you deal with real flesh and blood monsters? We have no guidebook for this, only each other. When you're ready, we're here for you," Nancy said.

"I'm scared, Nancy," Max sobbed. "I don't know if I can handle being blind. I won't ever see my mom's face or the sun again. I won't ever see the ocean or Lucas's face. I'll never see him play basketball. I should have gone to his game. Why didn't I just go to his game? Because I was scared? What kind of excuse is that?"

"A really good one," Nancy said softly. "Sometimes, the best way you can let people know you care about them is to let them take care of you."

"He's good at that, Lucas. He read to me, I heard him," Max said. "I heard his voice. . ."

"Steve’s good at taking care of people too," Nancy said, mentioned casually.

"Except he pretends as if he doesn't like it like he's a goddamn cat," Max said, and Nancy laughed.

"He is a cat, but then I think so are you," Nancy said.

"Lucas is more like a golden retriever," Max said. "Which is weird because I'm not a very affectionate person."

"I'm not really either, but there are other ways to show people you care about. One of them is, like I said earlier," Nancy said. "And it's in the little million different ways that I think only you can discover along the way. And if it's someone who's willing to do the same, even better. . .How do you want to show Lucas you care?"

Max grinned so suddenly, it startled Nancy.

"I want to see him play basketball," Max said.

"Max. . ."

"Will's a good dungeon master, right?" She asked Nancy.

"Yeah?"

"Do you think he would be willing to transfer those skills into telling me what's going on when Lucas is playing?" Max asked.

"I think he would be willing to do anything to help in any way that he can," Nancy said with a grin of her own. "That's a good idea, Max."

Max beamed, suddenly looking more comfortable in her hospital bed.

"I want to make it work this time with Lucas," Max said. "No more pushing him a way or El or anyone else."

"I think Robin's hoping for that too. She said something about 'two flames that never should have been burned out,' so she's rooting for you and Lucas," Nancy said.

"Was she saying that about us or about you and Steve?" Max asked slyly.

"It can be both," Nancy said.

"Well, she's smart, so maybe she knows what she's talking about," Max smirked. "Does Steve have anything to do with you breaking up with Jonathan?"

"No, well, a little bit. It's been a long time coming. We've had problems before, but I think an important part of wanting to be in a relationship with someone is wanting to be with them. We didn't want to see each other, and it's not because we didn't love each other. It's just that love wasn't enough anymore. Suddenly, it wasn't Jonathan who I could see in my dream anymore," Nancy said. "He wasn't who I wanted anymore, and I wasn't who he wanted, but that doesn't mean he's not going to be in my life. We were both relieved when we ended things."

"Are you sad?" Max asked.

"A little, but I think that happens when you close a chapter of your life," Nancy said. "But then a new chapter starts. . .a new day begins and the sun rises. . . I'm looking forward to being friends with Jonathan."

They sat in silence for a while as Max let Nancy stroke her knuckles.

"Thank you, Nancy," Max said and paused. "You're too stubborn for your own good, you know?"

"I've been told," Nancy laughed.

"I didn't really feel like I would ever have a family again until I came here to Hawkins. You and the others. . .especially Steve and Robin. . .have been the best older siblings that I could have asked for. I don't think. . .I don't want to do this alone," Max said.

"We're here," Nancy said softly and leaned forward to kiss her forehead.

"Can you send Lucas in?" Max asked.

"Yeah," Nancy said.

She walked out into the parking lot where everyone was loitering around. Lucas was talking to Will and Mike when she approached. She touched his shoulder, trying to ignore the nostalgia and the realization that he had grown so much. They all had.

"Hey, Nancy," Lucas said with a smile.

"Max wants to see you," Nancy said.

"Is that a good thing?" Lucas asked. "I mean, is she okay?"

"Yeah, and it's a very good thing," she grinned and hugged him. "Good luck."

"Thanks!" Lucas exclaimed and ran off towards the hospital.

She found Steve’s car parked a few feet away. Robin and Dustin were leaning against the trunk while Steve argued with them about something. That was something Nancy noticed Steve did. He would start a trivial argument in order to get other people's minds off other things, especially when they worried too much and they couldn't do anything about it. He knew how much Dustin was worried about Max. Steve was so much smarter than he ever let on. His back was to her. Robin and Dustin's eyes looked at her curiously as she approached. She didn't care. Nancy placed her hands on Steve’s hips and turned him around.

"Nancy?" He asked.

"I love you," Nancy said.

She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him. He froze for a moment, and she was about to pull back when he returned the kiss. He wrapped his arm around her waist, supporting her weight, as she moved her arms around his neck. Nancy smiled against his lips, enjoying the familiar way they fit against hers. They smiled into the kiss before pulling away.

"Hi," Steve said, his cheeks red.

"Hi," Nancy said.

He stared at her in amazement, and she looked at him expectantly.

"Oh, yeah, I love you too!" Steve exclaimed.

Robin and Dustin let out a squeal. They turned to find them both clinging to each other, jumping up and down in excitement.

"I can't believe Dustin had doubts!" Robin exclaimed.

"I didn't have doubts. You had doubts," Dustin accused.

"Harrington! Did you seriously just make out with Nancy in front of me?!" Jonathan yelled from across the parking lot.

"Oh, shit!" Dustin exclaimed.

"She kissed me!" Steve squeaked, and Jonathan laughed.

"Oh, man, your face! Sorry, man, I was messing with you. Nancy and I broke up. I'm dating someone else," Jonathan said, grinning. "We're good."

Everyone in the parking lot laughed and Steve sighed.

"I'm going to kill him," Steve muttered.

"The look on your face was pretty funny," Nancy giggled.

Steve smirked and began ticking her sides. She laughed and slapped his chest.

"Oh, yeah, you think so?" Steve asked.

Nancy laughed and shook her head. Steve stopped and hugged her tightly. She let him for a moment, letting him savor her touch while she did the same before pulling away. She laughed when he went over to gush about it with Robin. Suddenly, Lucas came running out of the hospital with a grin on his face. He ran over to Will.

"Are you okay?" Will asked.

"Better than okay! We're officially back together. She said she loves me and we kissed," Lucas said.

"That's great!" Will exclaimed.

"I was wondering if you would be able to help Max with something," Lucas said.

Nancy smiled. These kids were more than friends. They were family. They all were. Whether romantically or platonically, they were all willing to help each other through the bad times, no matter how big or small. The part of her that wanted to do everything on her own was no longer screaming at her. Even without monsters from other dimensions, it was difficult to navigate this world on your own. Nancy wouldn't go anywhere without one of her guns, just like Steve wouldn't go anywhere without his bat, nor would they go anywhere without knowing that they always had their family to fall back on.

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privateanxieties · 9 months

Text

forget my mercy, take my blame (chapter 2)

Summary: You thought the events of the day couldn't get worse than one robbery and a cryptic conversation with a mysterious stranger. You thought wrong. This, you realize, is how it all starts.

Words: 3.3K

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Many hours later, guilt is eating its way through a considerable portion of your conscience, as it usually does following the clash of hot temper and arrogance— both of them yours. You're no longer insistent on pinning your shortcomings on the mysterious stranger with molten brown eyes, though you're still grumpy about his bold assumptions and oddly skewering way of getting a point across.

Just let it go. Don't do what I know you want to do.

You split the four hundred dollars he left between your two employees, but for some reason, the crumpled up singles still rest in your jacket pocket. The money takes up a lot more space inside your head as you drive home, radio turned up above its usual volume. It doesn't provide much of a distraction, because the faintly illuminated road ahead is the perfect canvas for a busy mind to fill.

Traces of the past hide inside misshapen trees and uneven asphalt, and if your grip were a little tighter, it would leave the same dent in the steering wheel that it did the night you drove back from that slate quarry in your hometown. Nineteen years is a long time to still remember the smell of overheated excavation equipment. It's far away, yet surfaces so abruptly that your nose almost floods with it. Your lips press together in displeasure.

Well, at least you're breathing. You suppose Mark couldn't from beneath all that gravel you buried him under. Did he suffocate or was he crushed? Maybe a question you'll always have in the back of your mind. You know the answer wouldn't give you peace, were it to arrive from an omniscient being. What does it matter how he died? Yours is the will that killed him. Turning an event around and over and upside down two decades after it took place is just another way of engaging your guilt and letting it gnaw on more mental acuity. You need your wits about you, so you don't forget what all this is even for. You're alive. You have a life that needs living. Sometimes, there will be people who won't let you live it, and you can't just throw everything away to settle the score.

Scoffing at the bullshit mantra you’ve tried feeding yourself all day, you take the last right turn before you're finally on the road that leads home, hand reaching out to lower the volume on the stereo. Whatever. You made it through today, and you'll try your hardest not to think about the little shit who stole from you and his neon green jacket. You’ll also do your best not to think about your encounter with the strange man and his gruff voice, lest he become the thing you lose sleep over tonight.

It'll be hard to avoid it, because you kept his message. Maybe as a symbol, or maybe as an excuse. There is some part of you that wants to believe he was meant to be there today, if only so you didn't truly screw up this time and become a criminal. Shooting someone while they're robbing you and hunting them down to do it afterwards are actions that the law tends to distinguish between unfavorably. Just like it might distinguish between killing someone inside an old quarry and killing them after they'd already taken you there for murder.

The self-defense angle always felt shoddy in your mind. Maybe what you did to Mark would've looked like self-defense to a jury, but you sure know you didn't bury him under seven tons of jagged rock because you wanted to protect yourself. You didn't burn down his house because you were feeling reasonably threatened. You just wanted him to get what was coming his way. Karma, your hands.

You might have a problem, but you're alive. You survived that and you're going to survive more, just as soon as you take a cold bath and chase away the heat settling in your bones. That's what mid-August spent in an ancient car with no working air conditioner will get you. Replacing the shitty truck will have to wait, because news of the robbery will spread and you don't want to be telegraphing the fact that the bakery isn't your main source of income.

This may be a nice town, but today was a good example of a gap in people's decency— yours included, because you were so fucking rude to that mysterious stranger, and what did it accomplish? He replenished your losses and left without another word. The longer you look back, the more guilt advances on your psyche. It stills momentarily, however, when a suitable distraction finally appears as you find yourself a couple hundred feet down the road from your house. It’s true that you wanted something else to focus on, but this is so unwelcomed that it sends a wave of nausea through your body.

The scene is flooded with the red and blue lights of two police cruisers and one ambulance, all parked along the narrow cul-de-sac housing only two buildings: yours and Hazel's. Your mind kicks into high gear before you even lay eyes upon the crowd that has gathered on your front lawn. The sky turned dark not long ago, the hands of the clock approaching a kind of twilight zone of your neighborhood: nobody is typically out at this time of night, and yet, at least twelve people found enough interest in the unfolding scene to leave the comfort of their homes.

The commotion is centered around your property, but the ambulance suggests someone requiring medical attention. You live alone. Hazel is in her late 80s, and you've known her to need a doctor now and then. However, the police being here is the part of the equation that you really don't like. You try to slow down a mind that by nature has already zeroed in on potential scenarios, making a decision to pull over right outside the cul-de-sac instead of crowding it with another vehicle. In a neighborhood this small, your arrival is noticed.

You don't linger, unsticking yourself from the clammy leather seats and stepping out of the truck. The air outside is marginally better than inside the car, though heat still scalds with the gentler hand of a dry climate. At least you're not pouring sweat and disheveled, because it appears that bath will have to wait. And, after only a few moments of approaching the scene, you realize just how long that wait is going to be. There is black tarp on your porch.

The closer you get, the more your spine tingles. Pairs of wide eyes settle on you as you pass them, and it isn't long before Sheriff Randy O'Hare nails you with his own bulbous gaze. He looks like an idiot, and not even one that's in charge. You glance at the porch again.

Tiny surface area. Not much room between the ground and the black material taking up space. Small, lithe. Your house.

The sheriff is having some sort of internal conflict you wish you weren't here to witness. He shuffles from one foot to the other and clears his throat as you stop in front of him, several feet away from the stairs leading up to your front door. It's spattered with blood, visible even against the dark brown oak. Fresh.

Randy says nothing for several more seconds. You have many things to say, none which are appropriate. You've never been good at playing the emotionally fragile. There's a body on your front porch and you need this fucking idiot to speak or—

"I'm so sorry. We're… We're all still in shock. I've known her—" He stops, wiping his mouth and looking away as if something startled him. "—my whole life, I swear. She never did nothing to nobody. Jesus help me, if I get my hands on the one that did it—"

"Who is that, Randy?" you interrupt. It's a question you've asked law enforcement before in your life. The air pressing down on your skin is even warmer now.

"Look, I can't imagine how hard this is. She meant a great deal to everyone in this town, but you knew her best. Ain't nobody ever have a kinder word to say than her. I can't believe—"

"Randy, who the fuck is that?"

If you snap, it's not of your own volition. You're not here. Not really. You aren't with Randy O'Hare, Sheriff of Apolline County who apparently can't utter a simple name. Your mind has traveled backwards in time, and the house you're standing next to isn't your own, but it's painted just about the same. It’s easy to slip away into memory. The awning and the windows are fashioned into the same mold as your childhood home, because those were the things you’d loved most about that house— a mistake. You made a mistake. Your eyes are drawn to the ground, mind working in all directions.

"Hazel Bergman."

You think you hear another name for a brief and cruel moment. The sight of polished black boots atop lush grass only works to further blur the line between past and present.

"I'm so sorry, honey."

"What happened?"

You haven't been so aware of the nuance in your voice since it last betrayed you by shaking as it now is. It's so, so warm outside, but not humid. Not like Auckney. It's not as bad as it was when you were standing in front of a similar house, aged nineteen and wondering why the woman who raised you wouldn't get up from her rocking chair.

You need to get a grip. Look O'Hare in the eyes. You need to know if he lies to you, like cops always do. His face is melting under the cowboy hat. Even his eyeballs are sweating. He's emotional. He should be truthful.

"Daniel Roywood said he saw her arguing with somebody on your porch. He ain't hear what they were talkin' about, just that she looked upset. I've never seen that woman upset once in thirty years. She must've had a damn good reason," Randy explains, looking torn between grief and inoffensive anger. You're not torn between anything.

"Who was she arguing with?"

O'Hare sighs, a curt movement of his neck telling you he doesn't know shit.

"Nobody Danny knew. He couldn't get a good look— the damn house is too far away. But he just said they were arguin', and that was it. He shot her. Just some punk in a green jacket."

It's a miracle you don't react in any meaningful way. For that small interval between the words hitting you and your brain processing them, you're as impassive as before. That brief amount of time is all you get, however, because putting a face to that vague description happens in the blink of an eye.

You look away, covering your face with both hands. You slow your breathing as much as you can, trying to not make any noise as blood rushes through veins that have no hope of containing the pressure. It pounds at your temples and raises your temperature, and suddenly the only lever that hasn’t been flipped on your temper is labeled self-preservation. You can’t do this with people watching, and you’re briskly reminded of that as an unexpected weight settles upon your shoulders. It makes you flinch and move away, and you hear O'Hare apologize before he clears his throat again. A silence follows that isn't long enough.

"Look, I know this is hard. But you know I need to ask you some questions, right? We need to find the son of a bitch that did it and if you have any idea who—"

"I don't."

You've clipped your tongue with how hard you were biting it, but at least you've got your breathing back under control. Facing Randy is easier with a constant trickle of pain and metal. He looks torn, apologetic.

"Come on, honey. I know you don't want to think about anybody you know doin' something like this, but we need something to go on," he pleads. You don’t like the implication behind his words or the ring of truth around it.

"Randy. Everybody knows everybody here. I promise you, if Roywood didn't know him, then I sure as hell don't. I don't have a boyfriend. I'm not divorced. I generally don't keep male company. There is no one! " you seethe, and you're certain that he mistakes your outburst for lingering shock and anger about what happened. It is, but not in the way he seems to think.

The Sheriff frowns, so obviously pitying you and finally seeming more at ease now that you're the emotionally vulnerable one. It's fine. It works in your favor. Tonight will be long and you will benefit from not raising eyebrows or invoking anything other than sympathy from both police and neighbors. The Sheriff looks around for several moments, lips pressing together like he's chewing on the words he hasn't yet said. Soon enough, they part.

"Listen, I hate to ask right now. But if we have any chance in hell of catching this bastard, we could really use the feed from your cameras," he says, gesturing left. Your gaze follows his to the perimeter of the house, covered at every angle by wireless surveillance systems.

Just like that, a spark. A needle to thread. Another choice presented.

Crumpled up bills in your front pocket.

Warm steel at your back.

A splattered front door.

The maligned prescience of four words.

Ain't worth dying for.

"Randy, I…” You enjoy the first real breath since you've arrived. It really doesn't take you long to make a decision. “I'm sorry. I left those up for show more than anything. Couldn't afford the bills after a while. They don't work."

O’Hare deflates. There’s no suspicion you’ve told a lie. It's as if the grit he's supposed to have is flowing through you instead, lighting up your eyes and triggering the itch in your fingers. It's the challenge, the defiance, the guilt that sears through your veins now. The air is almost cool compared to the heat of your skin and the surge in your temper.

The Sheriff imparts more condolences you don't care to hear before walking away, but he's soon replaced by Deputy Dipshit, who you hope is wise enough to only offer pertinent details for the unfolding scene. You aren't interested in what Brent Rivers has been up to, and he usually insists on making it everybody's business. All you want to know is how long before you can enter your house, but pretty soon you realize he won't provide any clarity. It has to be his first murder scene, because he stumbles around simple words after greeting you with a mumbled hi .

He talks and talks, and nowhere does he utter that crucial piece of information you’re waiting to be told. Too long into his jumbled speech, you find the right place to interrupt. He had the nerve to comment on how you’re holding up.

"I'm sorry. I just don't think I'm all ears right now. All I want to do is…" A shaky breath rattles your chest. "… get away for a few days. I don't think I can sleep in my own house knowing this happened. Um, is there any way I could grab a few things and get out? I don't want to be alone once you leave."

Along the way, your words are punctuated by little tells of vulnerability: eyes downcast, vocal chords trembling, excessive blinking. Your shoulders pull in. Brent nods up a storm, mood lightening up as his arm comes to rest around them uninvited.

"Yeah, 'course. I can take you—"

You break away from his grip with an apologetic smile, rubbing your neck to keep your hands busy.

"Can you wait for me at the door? I'll feel better knowing someone's downstairs, and I already have a bag ready. You know, for uh, emergencies and stuff."

The Deputy is less pleased than before, but he acquiesces to your request with a nod and a motion towards the house. You pretend to hesitate before taking the wooden stairs slowly, keeping your eyes averted as you plant your feet on the porch. The edge of the tarp is barely an arm's length away. From this spot, you can see both the pool of blood seeping out from under it and the drops spread across the brick wall. You retrieve the keys from your jacket as Brent stops behind you.

"I'll be right here," he reassures in a too-gentle tone.

You walk inside without a reply, and to Brent's briefly glimpsed surprise, shut the door after you. The security system needs a two-step deactivation that would raise eyebrows after you've told O'Hare you can't afford the bills for the cameras. You breathe deeply for another moment, finally alone.

You only told a half-lie. There is a bag for emergencies, but not for the kind that people usually have. Downstairs as well as upstairs, you keep two duffels properly stocked and periodically checked. They're similar in contents, and yet your preference has always been clear. The bedroom closet. Upstairs. You move untethered towards your target.

Throwing two changes of clothes inside along with a plain pair of sneakers, you zip it back up and lift it over your shoulder. It feels familiar. This bag could be your life. Your life could be this bag. If things go wrong, you'll be good for a while. Back downstairs, where you arrive in the same haze, you make sure Piper and Mae will be good for a while too, replenishing the bird feeder and their respective water drippers, bidding them goodbye soon thereafter. You try not to linger in the house, but a glint draws your attention to the kitchen counter in your peripheral.

The casserole you stuffed your face with this morning and forgot to put back inside the fridge is resting exactly where you left it, the blue sticky note still attached to its side. You remember the message word for word, as well as the curving of the letters you've always been impressed by, though never more so than by the kindness behind each gesture. Hazel couldn't grip the pen quite as well as she used to in her old age, but she liked to practice in the notes she left for you.

She made you food. Cared for you. Made life feel less lonely.

She's outside your door for the last time because you didn't do the right thing today.

Ain't worth dying for.

You don’t realize you’ve walked over until your outstretched hand hesitates before the small note. It's the final one you'll ever get.

'Don't work so hard! It's Saturday, live a little!'

More copper flows into your mouth, this time springing from the lip you tore into so a sob could be stifled. You fold the paper with care and it goes into the same pocket as the pair of singles, just as your mind goes to the same place it's always been more comfortable resting. Maybe, the only place it can have any peace.

Keeping your head down as you exit the house, your eyes find her almost by accident. They're drawn to the tarp. You figure they have to be, since you put it there. You put her there, because you didn’t put a bullet in the right person. You didn't do what you knew you should've.

"Hey. Did you get what you need?"

Ain't worth dying for.

Your eyes don't stray, glued to a puddle of blood and the greedy floorboards swallowing it up. The eyes want to remember, just like the ears remember a thundering rock slide and the nose remembers diesel and construction equipment.

You tell the truth, and it sets you free.

"No."

-to be continued-

A/N: No Frank in this one unfortunately, but plenty of him in the next one and let me tell you, they are not the best of friends. Chapter 3 is scheduled for August 13th. If you'd like to be tagged for updates, you can reblog any of the previous chapters!

#frank castle x reader #frank castle x you #frank castle imagine #the punisher x reader #frank castle #frank castle smut

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tooxmanyxships · 5 months

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Nonie, can u make a ‘never have I ever’ fic with the old grid, and it ended with the admission of almost everyone’s not so secret crush on Nico? Lewis and Nico also eventually admitted to being in a relationship then 🤭

P.S. Inspired with that compilation of post where Mark, JB, even Seb, admitted to finding Nico beautiful 🤭🥰

Sure can! 😉

They all blamed Daniel (and Valtteri and Kimi) for this.

It was Daniel's idea, of course it was, to get 'the ol' gang' back together.

But what's a 'get back together' night without alcohol?

Absolutely nothing.

So here they were. Back together and getting drunk by a fire pit.

The night was filled with voices and laughter, which could only mean it was a great evening.

But when they saw Daniel and Jenson huddled together at some point, they knew the peace and quiet wouldn't last long.

"Guys!" Jenson piped up, trying to catch everyone's attention. "Daniel and I decided that we're playing never have I ever!"

A collective groan could be heard.

"Guys, come on. It will be fun!" Daniel backed up his partner in crime. And who could resist that smile?

So, they all settled down around the fire pit, ready to play this game of doom.

~**~

The game starts off really mild. Some would even call it boring.

The only exciting part is that they have to take a shot every time they've done the thing that's been asked.

But then it's Valtteri's turn and his shared look with Daniel should be enough to send them all running.

"Never have I ever had a crush on another driver."

Daniel drinks, so do Jenson, Mark and - - - Seb?

"Okay, now I have to know." Daniel's grin looks shark like. "We all know about Mark and Jenson's man crush on each other." He ignores the sputtering from both mentioned men. "But Seb? Who did you have a crush on?"

"That's not part of the game, Daniel." Sebastian tries, trying his hardest not to take a sip from his drink again.

"I'd like to know too."

Sebastian glares at Kimi. Of all the times he decides to speak, it has to be now.

They're all watching him expectantly. Waiting for him to actually answer.

He mumbles something, a name that no one can make out.

"What was that?"

Damn you, Daniel.

"I said... Nico." He clears his throat and stares everywhere but at the people around him. "Nico Rosberg."

There's silence. Sebastian wishes the ground would just swallow him up.

"Good choice." Sebastian's head whips around towards the blond man who's name he just mentioned. He gets a grin from him and a shrug. "Didn't expect that though."

"The crush was over pretty quickly." Sebastian answers, receiving laughter from the others.

"You can't be the only one who's had a crush on Nico." Daniel again. Of course. "Who else had a crush on him?"

Surprisingly, or maybe not that surprising actually, most of them put up their hand.

"What can I say," Jenson grinned, "Britney is beautiful."

"Especially when he's in the wall," Mark added.

Nico rolled his eyes while the others laughed.

Well everyone but Lewis.

Seb noticed too and nudged the Brit.

"What's wrong, Lewis?"

"He lied."Everyone looked over at Valtteri when he spoke up." He didn't put up his hand. "

Lewis scowled at Valtteri, but Valtteri just stared back at him challengingly.

"I didn't lie, first of." Lewis answered, taking a big swig of his drink before putting it down. "Because I never had a crush. He was always mine."

To prove his point, Lewis, blaming it on the alcohol, stood up and draped himself, unceremoniously, over a dumbstruck Nico's lap.

Nico blinked when Lewis' slightly cold fingers caressed his cheek, and then he felt lips connect with his own.

On instinct, his lips moved against those all so familiar ones, his arms wrapping around that familiar body.

There were cheers and bouts of "fucking finally!" being uttered all around them, but they didn't even seem to notice.

Finally Lewis pulled back, smiling at Nico before turning his body a little to look at the others.

"See. A crush means nothing. I've got the complete package."

Nico chuckled and buried his face into Lewis' neck, kissing his skin there.

He was right.

This meant so much more than any other man having a crush on him.

#brocedes #f1 fanfic #f1 rpf #my writing #lewis hamilton/nico rosberg

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kairiscorner · 9 months

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I GENUINELY LOVE HOW YOU WRITE NOIR SO MUCH I ALMOST STARTED CRYING WHEN READING ONE OF YOUR HEADCANONS FOR HIM UR SO GOOD AT WRITING HIM AND IN GENErAL YOU HAVE MY FAVORITE VERSION OF HIM 😿😿😿😿😿😿😿😿😿😿😿😿😿😿😿

i think this falls under your rules, I'm super sorry if it doesn't!!! if I could request some headcanons of either hurt/comfort Noir x (Male or gender neutral) Reader where Noir returns back home after a long time without seeing his partner or being home?? and reader hadn't expected it taking that long so they end up thinking he got hurt or something, and they end up confessing how they wished he'd quit his job as spider-man, I've always had this idea just in my brain i love it sm

Once again, sorry if this doesn't follow within your rules!! hope you have a nice day :)

HELLOOOOO OH, DWWW THIS FOLLOWS ME RULES !! it always will as long as it's not too crazy/offensive in any way, PLUSSSS i love me some delicious angst :> THANKS ANON, HOPE YA LIKE THIS !!

(reblogs are greatly appreciated, it helps get my content out there! if you guys like what you see, please reblog it too <:D)

wishing he'd quit. (spider noir x gn!reader - angst headcanons)

when he came back home to you, he honestly wished you didn't know him well enough to know he'd enter through the windows and try his hardest not to make a sound.

he felt guilty he hadn't come home in a long while, staying with a few colleagues of his who knew about his missions and situations, and he knows you called aunt may to ask where he was. that made him even more angry at himself, for worrying the two most important people in his life; he hoped you wouldn't be too heartbroken over his absence, but that would've been selfish of him.

when you caught him entering the house through the window, you were a flurry of emotions. though peter's default reaction to all of them is just, "i'm sorry for worrying you."

when you'd ask him so many questions about where he'd been, what's happened to him, if he was okay, why he didn't bother to phone you--he felt shattered. he wanted to answer you, but he knew answering you would lead to more questions, and a lot of those questions only had one answer that you hated hearing from him all the time: "i have to do it because i'm spider man."

the breaking point came for him when you expressed how much you wished he just gave up the mask and suit and would just... come home to you like he promised. peter knows it's not your fault, it's not your fault for wanting him to come home, wanting to know if he's okay or not, to know that he's safe and sound--but he wishes you could at least spare him some of your whining, because neither of you will know the other's burdens the way either of you do.

"who will save the city if not me? who will make sure not another uncle dies an unjust death, another villain gets their way, that i won't lose you?" he raises his voice and fists at you, though when he realizes just how horrifying he's being at the sound of you whimpering and apologizing, almost on the brink of crying... he feels even more disgusted and angry with himself.

he tries to apologize, but he stops himself as tears form in his own eyes. he can't even look at you, how could he be worthy of looking at you when he's pretty much blamed you for something that wasn't even your fault? he wishes you knew how much he wanted to quit this job, but the city needs him. though... he needs you, all the time.

tags !! @thecoolerdor @miguelswifey04 @sabcandoit @binibinileonara @k4tsu3 @luvstarrstruck @maxoloqy @thee-fantastic-mrfox @fiannee @arachnoia @ophanimgold @fictarian @yuridopted0

#spider noir #spider noir x reader #spider noir x you #spider noir x y/n #spider noir angst #spider noir fluff #atsv #atsv imagines #atsv fluff #atsv angst #atsv x reader #atsv x you #atsv x y/n #spiderman across the spiderverse #spiderman across the spiderverse x reader #spiderman across the spiderverse fluff #spiderman across the spiderverse angst

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itsbelvina · 24 days

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I once told someone something that I really believe in: "you don't have to be perfect to love and be loved." It's something I've held onto because it feels true to me. But sometimes, even with that belief, my romances come to an end. It's often because we start to feel like we're not perfect for each other.

We start to feel imperfect for a few reasons. One big one is time. Life gets busy, and sometimes we can't give as much time to each other as we'd like. And then there are our differences. We all have them, and sometimes they start to feel like barriers in a relationship. We may want different things, have different priorities, or just see the world in different ways.

But perhaps the biggest reason we start to feel imperfect is that we can't always give our best to each other. We try our hardest, of course, but sometimes it's just not enough. Maybe we're dealing with our own stuff, or maybe the timing just isn't right. Whatever the reason, it leaves us feeling like we're falling short, like we're not living up to some ideal of what a relationship should be.

And that's where things get tough. Because we all want our relationships to be the best they can be. We want to give our all, to make each other happy, to feel like we're really connecting. So when things don't work out, or when they're not what we hoped for, it's easy to blame ourselves. We start to think that maybe we're just not good enough, that maybe we're not capable of having the perfect relationship.

But here's the thing: there's no such thing as a perfect relationship. Relationships are messy and complicated and beautiful all at the same time. They're about two imperfect people coming together and trying to make it work. And sometimes, despite our best efforts, it just doesn't. And that's okay.

Because even though we're not perfect, we're still worthy of love. We're still deserving of happiness. And even when things don't work out, it doesn't mean that we're not enough. It just means that it wasn't meant to be. And maybe, just maybe, that's perfect in its own imperfect way.

#inspiration #positive mental attitude #self care #self help #self improvement #journey #life quotes #love quotes #motivation #relatable quotes #feelings #girl blogging #live blogging #blogger #blogging #blog

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mdhwrites · 4 months

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By far the stupidest take I've ever seen on Amphibia was someone saying that it's ending 'sided with the bad guys' by having Earth and Amphibia separated and having the Calamity Trio drift apart.

Their logic? Aldrich's line to Andrias: 'Don't you think it's time you said goodbye to those childhood friends of yours, son?' According to them, the trio accepting their separation from Amphibia and drifting apart was an agreement with Aldrich's beliefs. When I watched the show myself, I was flabbergasted by how badly this viewer had missed the point.

What Aldrich was saying to Andrias was that he should cast aside friendship entirely, because according to him, a king with the Core by his side has no need for friends, and friendship 'doesn't last.' There is no conceivable way The Hardest Thing 'agrees' with any of that. At no point during the finale is separation portrayed as the end of any friendship. Rather, an affirmation that nothing, be it distance or time, can undo the bonds we share with each other. So even if Aldrich is kinda right that friendships can't always stay the same, he's still wrong because friendship does last, whether friends remain by each other's sides or not.

I understand if peeps don't like the ending (everyone's entitled to their own opinion), but to say it 'sides with the bad guys' just because the main characters don't stay physically together comes off as completely ignoring the whole point. How do you think people misinterpret these things so wildly? Is it just out of a refusal to accept a bittersweet ending? Or do you think some viewers hold on too tightly to their ideas of how a certain story 'should' be, rather than looking at it for what it is?

So much like the "Because we saw Aldritch, we HAD to see Sasha and Marcy's parents" take (which I personally would call stupider than this), this is a take someone gets to to justify their feelings. Because your analysis is simply correct. That none of the trio, or their families, reject all connections, let alone friendship, like Aldritch wanted. They keep each other in their minds, likely found new connections and even came back to one another because they never let those bonds go. If the show sided with the villains, Anne would not be a herpetologist. PERIOD. She would not want any reminder of her friends, let alone smile fondly at a small pink frog that reminds her of one.

But let's actually talk about why stuff like this sort of argument has been on the rise. I even am victim to it because my brain will try to logic into why I like or dislike a certain thing. I literally did an entire blog about how I don't like free to play games anymore, have never liked Gacha games, and yet am probably on Honkai Star Rail's wild ride until it does something to genuinely piss me off. That blog was about me trying to explain why I felt but in the end admitting there was no reason. And you know what? That's fine. We don't always need reasons for why we like or dislike something.

But on social media, there HAS to be a reason.

(Real quick interjection for those who don't want to hear me talk about how I think social media has changed analysis: The more purely analytical issue that leads to points like this one and the one about Aldritch is that they are not asking a question. They instead have a desired point to make and work backwards from there. You are more likely to ignore evidence that doesn't support your argument like this though or purposefully misread or misrepresent situations so as to be able to use it as justification for the point you want to make. It is a conclusion that must then find a hypothesis, not a hypothesis that then derives a conclusion. Anyways, if you want the potential why for that sort of conjecture being on the rise, *gestures below*)

I blame Twitter for this MUCH more than Tumblr actually. I know there is moralizing on Tumblr but there's a reason why it's the TWITTER villain of the day that you hear about and why that term was popularized with the platform. There is a need for superiority on that platform that I don't feel like I've seen anywhere else. Not to be popular, that's different, but to be superior. To be objectively correct and the most morally correct. Outrage is not a shame to see on Twitter for many people because it doesn't mean bad news but instead the block party it celebrates every hour on the hour.

And so fandoms are stuck in kind of a hellscape where they can no longer go "This is neat!" Instead, they need to be prepared for assholes like whoever came up with this take originally going "Okay, but I don't think it's neat and I have a reason and you don't so your opinion is invalid!" So they start coming up with reasons why their show is so great! Then they get rebuttals and it quickly becomes an argument until one finds a vector that can't be refuted. This is where bringing in the real world so heavily into fandoms came from I think. It was no longer neat parallels but ways to justify their love towards haters. Ways to make it so continuing to disagree made you a morally bad person so now you have to shut up.

As a note: All of this is why I never mind if someone has blocked me without the two of us interacting. I criticize the thing they love? They don't want to see that? Good for them. PLEASE block me if you're not interested in my words. I am not here to burn entire fandoms to the ground or make you hate the thing you like. It's why I try to make my blogs useful to people from a learning perspective, not just "This thing sucks!" even if I will admit that there are plenty of times that I fail because sometimes I just need to get something off my chest.

It is not healthy for fandoms though to be stuck in this corner. To have to prove why your thing is literally the best thing on the planet. You should just be allowed to celebrate what you love and be happy for it for making you so happy.

HOWEVER, the flip side of this is that if there is a decision you disagree with... The work is no longer perfect. But you loved it so dearly so what cardinal sin did it commit? A lot of Amphibia's fandom were hurt by the bittersweet ending because they had grown so connected the characters and didn't want to let them go, even if that's part of the point of the ending. It couldn't just be something painful though. It wasn't a juicy pain like angst was after all, it was just a bitter pill to swallow. A reminder of what reality can be like sometimes. So it's time to find an answer to prove why this invalidates the ending and they're justified with saying their version, the one that makes them happy, is the correct version.

Same thing happened with Andrias/Aldritch. The fandom wanted to see the parents and grew more and more spiteful about not getting what they wanted and so concocted an argument that moralized and talked about equality so as to make them 'right'. They didn't actually think about what it was asking because it wasn't them starting with a question and ending with a goal. It was them justifying that goal ANY. MEANS. NECESSARY.

And that's just going to lead to bad analysis made in bad faith. At least, that's my theory for how we get into stuff like this.

======+++++======

Quick TOH note because... Me: This whole thing is actually probably why while it's easy to say that TOH feels like a work crafted entirely by what Tumblr thinks makes a story good, I think it's firmly a story that could only have been conceived of during the Twitter era. There's just almost too much blunt moral grandstanding about current social topics, rather than actual morality, and proving itself as better than other works for me to think otherwise.

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past.

I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead.

If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

#Amphibia #Fandom

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greetingfromthedead · 2 months

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C18: Moving On

For more information on the series (tags, CW, etc) click the banner!

Series Rating: 18+ / Explicit

Chapter: 18/84

Words: 1.8k

No particular warnings for this chapter.

← Previous Chapter | Next Chapter →

You spent a few more days at the saloon, now with the additional job of protecting the girls, while Vash's job was to make sure the downstairs stays calm. You got more action than him, occasionally taking his duties when the rowdiness started at the doors. You didn't have to talk much, and it seemed like you got enough of a reputation from your first night that most people backed away after seeing the fire burning in our eyes. The girls started to call you a demon in the most affectionate way possible, and the men picked up on it too, not wanting to come face-to-face with a hell beast. Once you had to clobber someone who was trying to convince you to get into one of the rooms with him, and another time you threw a knife at someone's head, the blade cutting some of his hair and burying itself into a door frame. The bartender overlooked your slightly destructive behavior, as he was glad to cultivate a reputation for his establishment so he can threaten patrons with the Demon even after you're gone. You got to retire the maid uniform after the first night, much to the dismay of Vash, and you wore clean pants and a new shirt you had gotten instead. The stomping of your boots was generally enough to quiet down anyone who wanted to get more from the girls than they paid for.

The demonic persona was easier for you than who you tried to be to fit in. You were welcome to let your furious and sarcastic personality shine through. None of the girls were scared of you, though; they smiled kindly and greeted you happily. They occasionally came up to you and chatted away, especially Jenny, but you still felt awkward talking back, not sure what to say.

The sheriff came over one day to hand you the bounty for the Maxwell brothers, which you shared with Vash. That same day, you went to the saloon owner and told him that you'd be moving on from this town. He happily paid you your wages and told you that he would take the two of you back any time or at least buy you a drink. Even Hilda seemed sad to see Vash go after working him to the bone in the kitchen.

You buy yourself your own tomas and some more supplies, and you saddle up to head out of town. You double-check that you have everything with you, and off you go.

"I'm still disappointed you don't want to share a tomas with me." Vash pouts next to you.

"Red, it's not about wanting to share; I felt bad for your tomas. I have more stuff now—more supplies, more weight. We get farther like this."

"Well, don't blame me then if I refuse to let go of you as soon as you get off that bird." He laughs lightly, and you can't help but smile.

"So where to?" You don't really know what his plan is; you are just happy to tag along with him. His presence soothes the voices in your head, and a feeling is growing ever larger in your chest. The voices have gotten worse after the first night at the saloon; new screams have been added to the cacophony, and they are insistently in your brain. The time you spent alone, away from Vash, was the hardest. Other sounds, including the girls' chatter, helped to distract you, but there was something more about the man beside you; it's like he is able to put a damper on it by just being there. He makes your heart light and brings a smile to your lips. Every night that you went back to the hotel you had spent in his arms, he insisted that it's to make up for all the hours he couldn't see you. To spare yourself from nights filled with buzzing, you chose to sleep them away with him. These days are now, however, over since you don't trust the open desert enough to not keep watch.

"To the closest village, maybe? Or we can take course to the next bigger settlement, but then it might be smarter to skip that village. We're good with supplies, and it would be a detour."

You agree to head to the closest town, even though it means three nights in the desert. You can only hope the two of you don't become worm fodder, but then again, it's not something completely new to either of you. Lucky for both of you, the track is calm, no surprises, only a few cars off in the distance, and some worm swarms, but nothing that would indicate danger. You push on into the night at a slow pace, trying to find a good spot to camp, and finally you come across a small stone outcropping. It won't give you much shelter from the wind, nor will it hide you from anybody within seeing distance, but the stones mean there's bedrock under the sand, and that way you are safe from large worms.

You had declined dinner, and Vash didn't argue this time. You had eaten every day that you spent in the saloon to keep up appearances, but you didn't seem too happy about it, so he decided not to push you. You sit on your mattress, and Vash has set up his right next to yours so he can keep close to you. Currently, he lays on the mattress in front of you with his head on your lap. You enjoy playing with his soft hair.

"So how does it all work? You don't need to sleep, eat, and drink, but it also doesn't do any harm, right? I understand why you ate, but you also slept in the hotel. Don't get me wrong; I'm happy to see you snoozing in my arms."

"Well, I don't know what was done to me or why I am the way I am, but what I have gathered from experience is that my body generally can produce its own energy and, overall, everything it needs. It's also very resilient and efficient; my cells don't seem to die due to time; they live until an injury forces them to regenerate. There are processes that work differently than with regular humans; for example, I don't sweat because my body doesn't need to regulate its temperature, and so on. I can regenerate with just time, but it can be slow. Giving my body extra energy and materials through food and water hastens the process, and my cells reform a lot quicker. Similarly to adrenaline, it makes my regeneration go faster. Sleep is slightly different. While it does take me energy to stay awake and do things, my body generates more than enough of it that I don't really get tired unless I push myself too hard. But if I have a bigger injury, it will mend itself quicker if I sleep, since then I have more energy for it. Sleep also offers an escape; well, usually it does; sometimes I still see nightmares."

"Escape from the voices?" Vash quietly asks, and you just nod. "How are they now?"

"Manageable. They are still there, and they are loud, but they aren't overwhelming or anything like that. I can still focus on you and my thoughts, but there's not a single quiet moment."

"Anything that can be done?" His eyes look into yours, and you see sadness in them.

"I don't know. They started some time after we crashed, and they have only gotten louder. I think it's a sign I might be closer to remembering things from before; I think it wants me to know." You sigh. "I've only ever found one thing that makes them quiet down..."

You hesitate for a moment as he looks up to you, his brows moving closer together into a slight frown. He seems to be thinking hard about something, and the curiosity on his face is obvious.

"You." Biting your lip, you look to the side, feeling embarrassed. "Being around you seems to calm it down a little."

His hand reaches out and touches your face, making you turn towards him again.

"Then just stick close to me; I'll fight them off however I can." He smiles up at you, and your hand moves from his hair onto his cheek to stroke it gently.

"Thank you." A smile flickers onto your lips.

"If you figure out a way I could help you more, be it to quiet the voices or jerk your memory... just tell me. I'd do anything." He sits up without letting go of your face. His expression is so gentle and sweet as he comes closer. He places soft kisses on your forehead, on your eyes and cheeks, and finally a light one on your lips. "Promise me you'll ask me for help; don't bottle it up; you aren't alone anymore."

"I promise," you say quietly as you look into his eyes, and it's true that you no longer feel alone. You stroke his messy hair and rest your hand on his neck, placing kisses over his cheek until your lips are at his ear. "And neither are you. Let me protect you too. Let me take care of you. I'll keep you safe, your body and heart."

"I know and I trust you, but I don't want you to get hurt." His arms slide onto your back, pulling your body closer.

"Let me worry about that. Let me choose. I'll take however many bullets I have to to protect you. I'm selfish like that, remember." You kiss his cheek by his ear, kiss his jaw, and leave a trail of kisses on his neck, pulling down the collar of his turtleneck.

"I can be selfish too, and I don't want to see you in pain." His voice is quiet and breathy, his head moving up so you can kiss his Adam's apple and move to the other side of his neck. You kneel to reach better.

"I'll heal up before you even notice," you whisper between the kisses, trailing along his turtleneck on his skin. It feels like a thousand burning butterflies are in your stomach, so warm and so fluttery, a feeling so deep and strong it doesn't even seem to belong to you. His hands trail lower over your back, over your hips, and grab your thighs, pulling you even closer onto his lap.

"I won't let you put yourself in harm's way if I can help it." One of his hands goes into your hair, and his lips move to your ear. Now he leaves a trail of kisses on your neck, moving up to your cheek.

"Well, you do seem helpless without me," you say, melting to his touch as you straddle his legs.

He moves your head so he can place his lips on yours, and as you move together, the feelings inside you boil over. It feels ancient, like mountains moving, so strange and new to you. It leaves you gasping for oxygen like you need it, but no, it's not really air you need; it's the man in front of you. Like he is something you need to live, unlike food and water.

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#tempest wind #fanfic #fanfiction #writing #Trigun #trigun stampede #tristamp #Humanoid Typhoon #vashxreader #vash x reader #x reader #plant boi #Vash the Stampede

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tobiasdrake · 10 months

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"Good is not a thing you are, Kamala. It is a thing you do."

This is a very important concept that a lot of people struggle to understand. Some people aggressively don't want to understand it, to the point that I've seen this show blamed as if it invented the concept of judging people by their actions.

What Sheikh Abdullah's talking about is a fundamental shift in how we interpret concepts of good and evil. One that seems so basic when you say it out loud but that is inexplicably difficult for a lot of people to grasp. I don't know how it is in Muslim culture, but in the circles I come from, I see people struggle with this all the time.

The idea is this: People do good things and people do bad things. Try to do good things. That's it. It seems so simple as a system of morality. You would think, you would really think, that this is the baseline system of morality that people just naturally follow.

But it's not.

Many people treat good and bad as intrinsic qualities of individuals. The things that good people do are good. And the things that bad people do? Those things are bad. It's not even about what the thing is; The same act can be good if done by a good person but bad if done by a bad person. The morality of the act is defined by the intrinsic goodness or badness of the person doing it.

If a person agreed to be good steals a loaf of bread, then the assumption follows that they must be desperate. They're hungry. They're going through tough times. But if a person agreed to be bad steals a loaf of bread, then it's because they're bad. Bad people steal. They're just expressing their inner badness.

Nobody stops to ask why the person stole the loaf of bread. They just trust their inner judgment on the person's goodness or badness to define the act for them.

In fact, this often applies to how we consume media. We've seen and discussed quite a bit of it right here in the MCU. Heroic characters have gotten away with doing some horrifying shit in the MCU, haven't they? From serial murders to building a WMD that annihilated a sovereign country, with nary a slap on the wrist. The stories we consume just throw those things out there and keep right on trucking like the characters we're supposed to root for aren't horrifying criminals.

Why? Because of an agreement between the writer and audience that these characters are good people. So even when they're engaging in mass murder, even when they launch attacks on populated cities or destroy a country with their hubris, we are not really meant to judge them harshly for it. Because they are good, and the things they do are good.

Meanwhile, characters like Karli Morgenthau are meant to be judged harshly, meant to be condemned, even when every word out of their mouth is right. Because she is the villain, and so her works are bad.

This is called Protagonist-Centered Morality. It's the application of "Things are good when done by good people and bad when done by bad people" applied to the narrative roles of the protagonist and antagonist. It's the obligatory assumption of intrinsic goodness and intrinsic badness coloring perception of the actions being taken by the characters onscreen.

It's the reason that, whenever you're writing a story, you should really take some time to think about your hero and your villain, and to ask: "What actually makes this character good and that character bad? What am I actually doing to give the audience reason to agree with the narrative assessment of their roles?"

And it's something that, once you start to see it in the real world, you can't really unsee it. Xenophobia thrives on Good People/Bad People logic; Categories that are just as easily defined as In-Group and Out-Group. A conservative will accuse Mexicans of being drug addicts and then take a hit of cocaine without an ounce of self-awareness, because drugs are only bad when they're done by Bad People.

(Personally, I think drugs are fine in general even though the hardest substance I use is caffeine, but that's beside the point. Point is, a lot of political hypocrisy is itself driven by Good People/Bad People logic. It's a hell of a trip.)

Point is, Sheikh Abdullah has touched on a very important philosophical change in the way we view morality that a lot more people need to hear than you might think, summarized in a single, easy to quote line of dialogue. And oh boy, will quoting that line to some of the people who need to hear it piss them off. Not even at you, but at the show for writing it. As if Sheikh Abdullah was the first person to ever have this idea.

#marvel #marvel cinematic universe #ms marvel #sheikh abdullah

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yandere-daze · 2 years

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great! okay, so, imagine a darling who favors one of the (yandere) knights. for this scenario, i'm just gonna use izumi for example just because i like to imagine the darling trying to manipulate him into giving them more freedom (just because he seems the hardest to manipulate out of all of them) but you can use anyone if you want!

anyways, the darling doesn't even try to hide their favoritism for character of your choosing, affectionate hugs/kisses, having long talks with them, and giving them a personal nickname (maybe "zu-kun or "zumi" or something for izumi). it's not like their really ignoring the others though, but it's noticable that the character of your choosing is getting special attention and that they aren't >:(

how do you think the characters that aren't getting any special treatment would react? i have a feeling it wouldn't be so well (especially if the character of your choosing wasn't ritsu, he'd be shaking with jealousy-). if you want me to expand on anything then i can and i hope my idea is understandable! also sorry for quite the ramble btw this was fun to explain lol.

Oooh I love that idea! Don't worry about rambling, I actually really love it when you guys write about all the cool ideas you have, it's very fun to read and like just genuinely interesting!!

Somehow this got longer and longer the more I went on, oops. Kind of got carried away, hope you don't mind! 😉 Anyone else feel free to add on your own thoughts if you have any!

tw yandere, possessiveness, implied kidnapping, mention of biting

I think Izumi actually fits pretty well as being the one that reader favors just because everyone else would be like "but why him of all people??" sjsjsj

Izumi I feel might try to act like he doesn't actually care that much when he's around you ( I'm of the opinion that he actually keeps some of his more "tsundere" qualities when he's a yandere) and tries to deny it when you can literally *see* him blush when you call him one of your cute nicknames

But then he really just turns around and is all smug and haughty around the other knights and just loooves to flex that you pay the most attention to him. It's only natural, everyone else simply can't compete with him!

He probably is smart enough to notice when you're trying to manipulate him into doing things for you. There's no way he's just going to let you have your freedom, you dummy! Flicks your forehead and clicks his tongue in annoyance, telling you that you should stop messing around like that. He's keeping you here for your own good after all!

And I swear, Izumi acting like that makes the fact that you seem to favor him over anyone else just so incomprehensible. All the other knights are upset

Leo is naturally the loudest in his protest and frequently tries to interrupt the alone time you have with Izumi with the excuse that he just *has* to show you a new song he composed. Stupid Izumi can wait, can't he? This is more important, come on! Literally throws himself at you and won't let go, whining all the while about how it's so mean that you aren't giving him any attention anymore!

Speaking of whining and clinging, you're right when you say that Ritsu would be seething with jealousy if he isn't the one that gets most (or preferably all) of your attention. The fact that he even agreed to share you with the other knights for the moment is a miracle in and of itself (he had always planned to steal you away one day when no one else was looking) so to then not even be the center of your attention? He really can't take it.

Ritsu is as clingy as they come and so it gets even worse when he feels like he's being neglected. You can blame Rei for that I guess djdjd

Different from Leo, who is loud and annoying, Ritsu would just slip into any conversation you were having with Izumi and hang onto you possessively as he just glares at Izumi the entire time. He'll whine in your ear that he has missed you a lot and that you should go take a nap with him. Surely you must be tried too from having to talk to someone as annoying as Izumi, right?

Might even bite you to leave his mark on you if he feels really jealous

Tsukasa would be fuming, quite honestly. The entire sharing thing was probably his idea in the first place and you're all staying at a mansion provided by the Suou family but clearly this wasn't what he had had in mind.

Izumi must have done something to you and so you're staying close to him out of fear, right? You're scared of doing something he might not like and that's why you try to stay away from Tsukasa, Izumi is putting pressure on you!

And of course Tsukasa won't stand for that, as your valiant and loyal knight it is his duty to protect you from all harm! He will have a stern talking to with Izumi and then he'll free you from his evil clutches and then you will hopefully pay attention to Tsukasa again.

Your praises and gentle displays of affection never fail to make his heart flutter and so he's very determined to win you over again!

In the end it will lead to Tsukasa just swiftly walking up to Izumi and point his finger at him all accusingly as he huffs that it's unjust that the greyhead had stealen you away from him! ( yes, him. Mentally he's not including the other knights)

It honestly sounds more like a childish tantrum, upset about not being your favorite even though he treats you like a royal, than a real rescue attempt from the evil, evil Izumi

Arashi can't help but shake her head at the tactlessness of her fellow unitmates. Do they not know how to properly handle such a delicate situation than with such displays of brute force and screaming? It almost hurts to watch how the others argue like children.

Now obviously, Arashi is quite upset that you obviously seem to prefer Izumi but she actually does think that it might be for some sort of ulterior motive. Because honestly speaking, in what situation could someone as rude as Izumi ever be your favorite? It was simply unthinkable!

No, someone as gentle and kind as you must have a partner at your side that knows how to properly take care of you. All of these boys are simply hopeless so it's only right that Arashi swoops in and secretly steals you away from everyone else while they're all bickering amongst themselves.

She'll take you into an empty room and then just hold onto you for a bit because even though she tries to act composed, she was very very jealous of the way you just kept inviting Izumi to recommend you makeup or to pick out an outfit for you.

Sure, they were both models but can't you see that Arashi knows you way better than anyone else ever could? Well, at least now she has some time with you alone so it's only right that she makes up for the lost time right?

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wolfieworld · 1 year

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4/6 Diary: Dead Projects

it's hard to acknowledge why something isn't working when you're in the middle of it, sometimes it's hard to even know why. There's a few plots that have been in my brain for years that I've rewritten and rewritten and rewritten with little success. I think a big part of failed projects is actually over-estimating ones own capabilities, for example I plan out mechanics that I don't have the experience to achieve, or characterization too far from my own experience that its not fun to write. I often plan out stories that require a lot of research and I feel like I can't write until I know everything-therefore most writing doesn't get done and what does is full of holes. It's kind of embarrassing to look back at stuff and just think "I didn't know what I was talking about at all."

Sometimes shit just doesn't work out. In the words of Pretty Boy Detective Club giving up on a dream can be more beautiful than achieving the dream itself.

Probably 90% of everything I try doesn't work out and it's been on my mind lately that that's a good thing. Of course in an ideal world we learn from finished works bc there are things from those you can only learn by sharing with others and by wrapping up a story and by saying goodbye to your characters but there isn't such a thing as an ideal world and everything we do we learn from whether other people see it or not. There is something special you learn from unfinished projects, the types you choose to put down forever, which is you are forced to acknowledge precisely why it could not get done.

These are all images from 2 retired vn/comic projects.

These projects are prisons for some of my best and worst writing, full of ideas with no through-line or real objective, and no real thorough understanding of these characters who I loved just collections of feelings and images and facts I thought were cool.

What is improvement? I'm not a person who looks at my old art and feels like I've gotten better at drawing, and when I look back at old writing I only really get the sense that I've become less cringe but not become a better writer. I think improvement is more esoteric than becoming better at the skills you use to express, maybe it's just knowing yourself better and playing to your strengths, and crystalizing what you want to say (or finding it in the first place). Aesthetics form naturally from writing and drawings that plainly express what they need too and they are drawn like blood from stone from work that is trying its hardest to be clever.

Personally I find these digital pages from 2020(21?) to be better drawings than anything I've done in the last two years in a technical way but it doesn't matter, I couldn't finish it, and I didn't know the characters. It's just portfolio work, it took me months to do five of them. They're just "cool shots" even though I didn't know it at the time.

As I get further into working on Youth Who Was Killed I'm noticing that cutting corners produces better results, there's more emotion in sketches so why finish a drawing, why design a logo which I'm not good at when I can use a font, why color grade the images myself when limiting the palette to one or two or three colors provides an unmuddied result? This is the kind of laziness you would think would harm 'improvement' but I've found that too much brute force is a highway to burn out, and then you're not learning anything at all.

Making art is a war against human nature I think, cavemen definitely weren't built too instinctually develop a five year plan every new years. However it becomes like less of a war when you work with your nature rather than against it. Maybe. I don't know. I really hope I don't make a blog post two years from now about why I couldn't finish YWWK. If that happens blame ren'py.

i drew my ocs in funny t shirts for the first time in my life so maybe all that stuff i said about improvement being that you become less cringe is untrue, maybe you get more cringe. thats ok with me i guess.

#meow meow meow #youth who was killed #that feels like kind of a scary tag and maybe i should use the acronym i will decide later

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