#one hug from him would cure my mental illness | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yongislong · 2 years

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skin ship + dreamies.

wc/genre: idk, pretty short though, fluff, suggestive.... lmao established relationships with nonidol!dreamies! reqs openn

cw/note: none! late night post, not requested but i had this idea while studying bc... shit has been going on in my life and i! need! comfort! lmk what you think, masterlist is on my page, take care of urselves, i am in no way saying love can cure mental illness in any of my posts btw! i thought i'd just clarify lol

mark... he's so touchy with you and he's such a nerd about it LOL, he loves you and freaks out. like yes he's confident don't get me wrong but once he sees you and realizes that he has you, he pounces. he hugs you so hard people might think you'd disappear. it's always so full of love and he has a geeky smile and you can hear his breathy giggles in your ear. also likes pulling your toes when you're on your bed scrolling in PEACE. he does it so hard and you never fail to fly off wherever you're sitting to chase him across the apartment. cheek pincher on the low. honestly loves any skin ship under the sun. especially on any exposed skin, smooches <3 shoulder kiss enthusiast and he's very good at it :') likes catching you off guard with any skin ship. pulls you tight whenever you sleep

renjun... hand tracing dear god. he loves your hands, no matter what they look like. YES i know its cliche but he loves messing with your rings, painting your nails, etc. he thinks he's being so slick and cool but he's so cute about it because he also doesn't care, like he has no reason to not show you how beautiful he believes every part of you is. sometimes he doesn't even notice, he just takes ahold of your wrists or forearm and drapes it on his lap. maybe he likes to put his fingers in ur mouth I DON'T KNOW??? esp when you wave ur finger in his face... not super touchy when cuddling but you always end up with his hand in yours. sometimes switches rings with you and doesn't notice until he's taking off his jewelry to go to bed and he's giggling into his hand like an 8 year old lol. likes pinching the skin on your upper back and thighs. finds comfort in tracing his fingertips on your collarbones before bed, helps you both fall asleep fast

jeno... god he's such a hip guy. loves a cheeky lil slap on the butt at any time of the day OFC but also just likes having his hands on your hips, likes to feel ur hipbones/curves y'know. you're so beautiful to him. he always pretends to get the wind knocked out of him when he sees u... hes so cheesy. sometimes when you're watching a movie he sits you between his legs and innocently snakes one finger under your clothes to feel the skin on the expanse on your upper hip and stomach. he loooves stomachs. especially if they're soft or not defined like those old greek paintings, he likes how different you feel from him if that makes sense.... bc he's lean. unless you're lean too he kinda gets fomo like damn did you hit the gym without him lol. also a cheek pincher, just likes messing with your face in general. cute sleeper, tucks you under his chin, ends up with his head under your shirt bc he gets cold at night and is always so surprised when he wakes up pfft. also an upper arm rubber. pls trace your finger on his nose brige.

haechan... mf. any skin ship have you seen this man. i will say the skin ship he has with you and the way he goes about it is different because he wants to make it a point that yes, he's touchy but only you get certain privileges or touches. especially when you two are alone. he likes to look at you while you sleep, not in a weird way he just likes that this is the one time you let him play with your hair and kiss your fingertips without you bursting into shy giggles. a lot of people think he would be a goofy bf and yeah that's true but he wants to so badly do well in this relationship. he cares about you so much. some nights when he looks at you he's thinks he just might cry. gives you lots of typical skin ship but also just is super domestic and sweet and considerate of your feelings. LOOVES, loves and i mean adores hiding his face in the crook of your neck, likes your natural scent sm, makes him smiley.

jaemin... like haechan he likes to watch you when you sleep but in the morning instead, when he wakes up before you. likes whispering things to you about how gorgeous he thinks you are and how can someone look so pretty when they've been tossing and turning all night. smiles to himself always. pokes your cheeks especially when you're puffy and sleepy. his favorite type of skin ship is pulling your cheek. he also likes brushing up your brows and running his thumb on your lower lip. gosh he's just so so sweet. he's obsessed with you in the best way. likes being around you. hand on the waist when he's trying to maneuver himself behind you to reach for his toothbrush in the bathroom > AGH. has no limits to how touchy he is in his mind. like if you are equally as touchy or just enjoy skin ship and don't mind him giving you puppy dog eyes through the mirror as he brushes your hair, its an easy open for him to do what he wants with you. I KNOW this is kinda all over the place but just imagine someone being in absolute adoration of you, your body, your skin, your face in a non creepy way LOL etc, etc. very wholesome

chenle... waist holder. oh MY god. he's not really touchy, in my opinion and from what i've seen, but he is a clinger. he likes skin ship mostly and only if he gets to initiate it. makes him feel manly muahaha. dont get me wrong, adores you doing slight skin ship with him but when he gets to tuck you under him at night or is able to trace the underside of your jaw. OH MY GOD he loves putting his finger under your chin to lift your face to look up at him please??? is so cocky about this and even if you're taller or his height, he loves to catch you when you're sitting down and it never fails to make you lose your mind. yeah yeah he likes it when you touch his neck, he's corny like that. laying your hand on his chest when you kiss GOD??? he combusts every time. it's moments like these where he doesn't mind you initiating touches bc it makes him feel special and wanted. please give him attention when you've seen he's had a hard day. he never knows how to ask for you, but now you've gotten into the swing of being around each other and learning what each other likes when it comes to skin to skin contact.

jisung... another fucking cheek poker dude. can never grasp the fact that yeah, you're sitting next to him, willingly watching his favorite movie with him, sharing a blanket, with the fresh cookies you made. wants to make sure you're real so he pokes you. he doesn't think he doesn't deserve you he just, is so proud of himself for bagging you and needs to make sure he isn't lucid dreaming LOL. ya'll need to wake up, yeah jisung has probably never had a relationship up until you but oh... oh once he learns how to fluster you, its like he hit the jackpot. knows how much you like him kissing the top of your spine before bed and you learned that tugging on the hairs and the nape of his neck has earned you several reactions in the past. its a very sweet and intimate relationship, watching the both of you test the waters with shy pecks or head pats until you finally date for long enough that he fully feels confident falling asleep on your chest with his arms caging around your waist. likes pretty basic skin ship, he't not a poet or anything yknow LMAO so expect a lot of neck pecks, head pats, hugs where he shifts his weight in between his feet and rocks you back and forth, he's just a sweetie

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insomniac-astronomer · 2 years

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Nick Nelson x Reader: Bad Days

Welp I've read heartstopper twice now and got actually triggered by Charlie's ed. So yeah. That really sucks. It was helping my depression and loneliness till I wasn't eating. So. Here we are.

Fuck my brain, I hate it.

Literally wrote this after taking sleeping pills so idk how this turned out, gotta read it again later.

Description: Reader is having a really bad day with their ed, Nick helps.

Gender: neutral! no pronouns used

WARNINGS: talking about ed (not eating) in detail

NOT INTENDED TO ROMANTICIZE EDs. As heartstopper put it, love can't cure a mental illness. Additionally, YOU DO NOT WANT AN ED OR A MENTAL ILLNESS. They suck. Whatever picture you have painted of it, you don't see everything else.

I promise it's not worth triggering yourself to read this ❤️

*not my gif* UGH LOOK AT THAT BOI, MURDER ME

You feel mopey. Like, for some reason that's the only way to describe it. You've had an awful day. In health class, you had to list--in great detail--your body type versus your eating and exercising habits.

The hunger from lunch pangs nicely in your stomach. That feeling is familiar. The lightheadedness is almost comforting now.

You fight between the thoughts of "don't pass out," "this feel nice," "I'm being ridiculous," and "you don't deserve food."

You glance over at your best friend (and crush), Nick. He is focused on something on his phone. You glance back out of the window, torn between being happy he doesn't notice your unusual behavior and selfishly wanting him to see.

When the bus pulls up to the stop by Nick's house, you both step out. He gives you one of those smiles you adore as you both begin to head to his house.

Once in his bedroom, you flop dramatically onto the floor. You feel the air conditioning biting at your exposed arms.

"Its freezing in here!" You whine.

Nick laughs. "Here," something lands on the ground next to you. One of his hoodies.

You muster the energy to sit up and put it on, hugging the warmth and totally not his smell close to you.

He sits on the ground next to you.

"Want a snack?" He nudges your shoulder.

You shake your head. "I'm alright."

"Really?" He leans forward so he can see your face. "You didn't eat lunch."

You shrug. "Not hungry."

Nick sighs and a strained silence settles between you two.

"You know," he finally breaks the tension, "there's no one else here. No one will see if you eat anything."

"I'll see," you whisper. It's quiet enough you didn't think he would hear it, but he did.

"You deserve to eat something. Despite what your brain says."

For the first time since getting to his house, you look at him. "Since when do you know so much about I'm thinking?"

"Since I thought you might have an eating disorder." He looks away.

"Aw," it escapes. It sounds a little condescending in a way you didn't want. "I'm glad you care."

He takes you hands and you look at him, the light humor you had been holding on to disappearing.

"I don't know if anyone's ever told you, but I think you're very pretty and you can eat food if you need to. And you do need to. And you can always talk to me if you need."

For a moment, you focus on the floor, not sure how to respond. "Thanks," you whisper, throat blocked by tears.

"I'm gonna get you some food, okay?"

You feel a twinge of stress in your chest. "I just . . . can't today. I'm sorry."

"That's okay. I'm gonna get it anyway in case you want it."

You give him a little smile. Once he is gone, you feel a couple tears fall on your cheeks. You quickly wipe them away. You're greatful that he cares, no one's every really cared about you before. Like that. Like they really want to make you believe what they're saying.

Nick returns with a plate with some fruit on it. He sets the plate between the two of you. He pulls out his laptop and starts scouring for a movie to watch, mindlessly eating some grapes while he does so.

Your fingers twitch as you desperately want to take some fruit, too. You watch the way he doesn't think twice about anything he consumes and it almost comforts you for some reason. You take a strawberry and twist it in your hand for a moment, then you bite into it.

The sweetness fills your mouth, stronger than you've ever tasted due to your complete fasting in the last 12+ hours.

Nick must have noticed because he gives you a giant smile.

You smile back and reach for more food. Maybe it won't be so bad to eat tonight. Thanks to this dorky boy.

Thx for reading, don't steal. Go eat something my loves ❤️, Nick wants you to.

Buy me a coffee?

#nick nelson x reader #nick nelson #heartstopper #nick heartstopper #fanfictions #fanfic

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triplexdoublex · 1 month

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No, Kells woke something up inside of most of his listeners and he makes them happy. He makes them feel seen, that isn't saving them. You can feel that way, you can feel the same way about a fireman or police officer saving you from a tragic moment. But no one can save you from a mental illness, mine isn't saved from him. Mine is still alive and well. But in the sense no he didn't save anyone, he sings or raps and we feel safe or cared about in a moment but what happens when the music is off? You aren't saved. My new artist I love who's lyrics are even deeper than Kells hasn't saved me, he makes me think and feel happy in the moment. It's a hug.

Maybe in the term he has but in the sense and in life no he hasn't.

I don't need any hate from this, but only you can save yourself. Only you can drag your butt to therapy or to the rehab center, only you can work on your mental health. Only you can do these things. He can be there with his music but he can't save you.

Yeah obviously he can’t CURE mental illness but there’s people out there who heard his music and decided not to give up, decided they want to still still be here there’s people who related to his music and it helps them feel less alone and understood, and maybe that little push gave them hope or gave them courage to actually go to therapy because hearing their fave open up about mental illness and therapy makes it seem more doable and nothing to be ashamed of. Sometimes people need that first initial push to help them get them started on the rode to saving themselves and it’s possible that they never would have took those first steps without the initial influence of his music. And to me that still counts! What would have happened if that person never found his music …..

#and this can apply to anything #like what would of happened to me if I never met my husband?#I’d probably be dead or on drugs still hanging with the wrong crowd and making terrible life choices

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birdclowns · 7 months

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thank you for being so welcoming and sweet omg!!! i'd love to talk more about the characters and cast members and gush about them together!!!

but i completely agree withe everything you said about rafa! he's so cute and he definitely knows what we like and indulges us!!! i loved those recent stories about him straightening his hair and then reassuring us about his curls coming back😭 and yeah, i'm sure a hug from him would cure all of my mental illnesses too, he looks like the best hugger ever!

and omg ronen means so much to me too!!! i'm bi and he's so open about his own bisexuality and his coming out process and it has helped me so so much! and he's also so sweet and he does look like he gives amazing hugs and the love he has for his dogs is adorableee omg i melt every time!!! and for his garden/yard too😭 and tk is my favorite character ever, so i adore him for that too!!!

GINAAA omg she's so sweet and she has mom vibes and i love heeer <3

i also adore natacha!!! she's so kind! i reached out to her when she was doing a raffle to win a spot in her course and i didn't win, but she was really sweet about it and offered me a discount and replied with so much love and kindness!! i adore her since then <3 and marjan is one of my favorite characters too!!

and i don't have any problems with us dming!!! it would actually be really nice to make new friends who love the show! <3 so i'm sending this ask without the anon 🫶🏻

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 hi nice to officially meet you!!!!!

that was SO SWEET OF HER omg... sobs she's so lovely. and so pretty. I love women<3 and. god they're just all my loves ... I love this cast so much they mean so much to me im 😭😭 most special show in my little queer heart

running to ur dms btw thanks mwah

#asks #<3333333 #911 lone star

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heavnlyhetfield · 1 year

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Beefy dad bod James is my favorite. I just want to cuddle and hug him. He’s so cuddly.

one hug from him would cure my mental illness i think

#i just need one hug and for him to tell me i’m gonna be okay #metallica #james hetfield #asks

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avid-adoxography · 2 years

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OH ALSO-

MEDICINE and LION with Strum perhaps? 👉👈

-@fictionallyinparadise

Hiii bestieeeeee!! I'm. LATE AF but here I am and I hope this lengthy teeth-rotting insight of my mind is worth the wait <;3c

MEDICINE - How do you and your f/o take care of each other when you're not feeling well? This could apply to a physical illness (whether it be the common cold or a chronic illness) or mental illness.

Silvia is constantly wearing her nurse outfit (and not the sexy one, she ain't build like that sdfghj) with Sturm being...,., well,.. Sturm.

I mean, that man literally charges through fucking walls head first, he gets into fights with the other Soldaten, his engine tends to overheat leaving burn marks where the metal connects to his body and not to mention the state his arms are, like... Unacceptable. Embarrassing even.

So, as you can image, she's been tending to his wounds since after the day they met, stitching up gashes, changing bandages, removing shards of various materials (mostly glass and metal) from his flesh and so on. Sometimes it's more about ordinary things, like putting a band-aid on a scratch (the kind kids would wear ofc) or rubbing some of that First Aid Med on a cut, what matters to her is to take care of her sweet mechanical teddy bear at the best of her skills. And to have her hands constantly on him too, ofc sdfghj.

Not that he minds that, actually he's become known inside the Factory for pawing at her door at almost every hour of the day for the most insignificant of reasons to have a chance to have her hands anywhere near and/or on his body (i will not apologize for the phrasing sdfghk) <;3c

When it comes to turn the tables though, Sturm is Silvia's emotional support undead: as much as unbelievable y'all might find it, Sturm has learnt to recognize tune shifts and other subtle variations in Silvia's voice in order to understand her state of mind, same thing for her gait. It takes the smallest of changes for him to pick up something is wrong™ with her and come to her aid.

He will get as close to her as possible without hurting her and just. Stays there. He's a surprisingly good listener and he won't leave until Silvia has assured him everything is ok or until she's finished venting. Or crying. Mostly the latter, and while perhaps Sturm isn't exactly built for finding comforting words, he sure gives the best hugs and he's there for her whenever she needs it, and she doesn't even have to ask. Not that she's actually able to do that without eating her own heart out first, but when it happens it usually leads to a very fluffy-touchy-mushy cuddle pile that is indeed a cure for all ills....

Come on, don't look at me like that, it ain't my fault we want each other in the way of flesh wanting to knit itself together over a wound, ya know??? [from These Violent Delights by Micah Nemerever]

LION - Was it hard to get close to your f/o? Did they have a difficult time opening up to you?

Honestly? Easiest thing ever for Sturm.

He literally started following Silvia around like a lost puppy looking for much coveted attention the moment she treated him with the same kindness she's shown to all the other Soldaten <3c (← lies and slander, Sturm def got waaaaaaaaay more pats and cuddles than the others jhgfasdsfdgh).

On the other hand though? It's been an absolute challenge for her.

Like between the danger of being torn to shreds for standing too close to his blades, the unabating efforts to find a way of communication, her own issues with showing vulnerability as she could no longer deny the feelings she has for him and most of all having such feeling be reciprocated, Silvia has been faced with an inner conflict the size of the whole village.

Fortunately, with the help of her adoptive father, Donna (and Angie too I guess asdfghj) and the Duke (who might or might not have pulled some strings to make certain things happen *wink wink*), she has finally felt comfortable letting down her guard and allow herself to trust again.

Call that the power of love or whatever, but now Silvia is ready to throw hands with Ethan, the whole BSAA and even Mother Miranda herself if they were ever to hurt her lover uwu

#thanks for the ask bestie and sorry for the wait + wall of text + unnecessary gushing ratio fjdndjd #resident evil village #selfship ask game #re8 #self insert x canon #fictionallyinparadise #avid-answers #i do not know what this man does to me but i get SO mushy gushy it's embarrassing sdfghjk #if y'all needed any more confirmation of our love language being physical touch and acts of service... here it is sdfghj #f/o: sturm #s/i: silvia baronio #ship: sturm und drang

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livingecho-arch · 2 years

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⚜ ・ like a shadow : i am and i am not . — MODERN VERSE !

tw : conversion therapy ( transphobia / homophobia , religious trauma , physical abuse ) , fucking BEAU AGAIN ( so emotional abuse , drug abuse ) , suicide attempt .

vadik ( vahymn ) was raised with six other brothers . so when his wife , edith , wanted a child ⸻ he was tense . in the past he had thought about children but due to both his own childhood & mental illness he believed he would never have any . he pushed those feelings into work . vadik worked tirelessly into his coding until it bore fruit . a program named V.A.H.Y.M.N that could see or find anything you wanted - through almost any firewall . his program gained him a good paying job , a wife & well . . . apparently a child came anyway .

vissarion von hellbert is born on a cold winter day in moscow , russia to his mother & father . neither of them were very loving but they were not cold . simply plain . punished him when he got in trouble , praised when he did well & took him to church often . they put him into private , high end schools where he would grow well ⸻ he has his father mind . able to soak up anything told to him & build on it . improve it ! vis was a quiet kid , never really speaking put but he simply liked listening . everything was fine .

until he dared to express himself .

vis softly asked if he could grow his hair out at the age of seven . they allowed it . he asks for some jewelry ⸺ pretty like his mothers at the age eleven . they bought him something masculine for his birthday . at age fourteen he cries & cries & cries as facial hairs starts to grow . his father tries to help but doesn’t understand so he asks : ❛ why are you crying , my little whale ? you’re becoming a fine young man . ❜ & vis screams out : I AM NOT A MAN !

vadik hugs his child tightly & tells him not to tell a soul . . . but his mother heard already & sends vis to ❛ therapy ❜ .

vis takes the therapy , thinking it was honest . he did have confusing ideas & troubles fitting in at school . the questions come & they only confuse him , but vis answers honestly ( ❛ i never felt like a man but i don't feel like a woman . i am adam before the creation of eve . i guess men are attractive but i don’t care for any of that - i don’t even like woman ! ❜ ) they cherry pick bible verses at him . so he cherry picks back ( ❛ jesus : blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven . jesus : A new command I give you : love one another . ) vis thinks himself smart ⸻ proud for standing up for himself . he was an honor student at one of the highest ranking schools in russia ! his father crafted perfect programs that can change the world ! he continues , thinking so highly of himself . he was untouchable .

until the abuse becomes physical .

he doesn’t talk about it .

vis returns home on his sixteenth birthday : he has been ❛ cured ❜ . . . but truly ? vis learned how to lie through his teeth . he learned how to use others for his benefit . cheat his way out : IT’S A DOG EAT DOG WORLD ! once home he simply returns to the role as before ; the quiet good boy who did his homework on time & listened to his parents . but during those two years his parents fought & fought . his father stopped taking his medication & his schizophrenia worsened . his coding became deranged . he thought he was a god . in his time he became to work with AIs & crafted the first V.Y.O.T.O.U.S ⸻ V.I.S ; named after his child . these AIs were wildly intelligent , able to do any task set out for it in milliseconds . from mathematical equations that stumped any other programs to security when paired with V.A.H.Y.M.N . companies & other countries governments became very interested in his work .

vadik divorces his wife , takes full custody of vis & they move to the americas .

vis never talks to his mother again . filled with fear he asks if he had to be a man here . his father says no & vis goes forward growing out his hair & buying dresses as he pleased . vis makes two friends in high school ; malachar & vanus . first time ever having friends ⸻ his father almost cries tears of joy when vis asks if they can come over . they plan to go to the same college when they graduate , all so excited for the future . once accepted ; vadik pays for an apartment for the three of them to stay at . vis decides to try to be more open - be more social but it’s hard at times . he gets invited to a college party & vis is practically glowing with joy ! he dresses up so nicely , all too much like an overly enthusiastic freshman .

& he meets vivian beaugraud . . . & he meets her again & again . she gives him drinks & pills that make his head spin so wonderful during her parties . she calls him beautiful & he melts in her arms . his friends tell him to slow down , don’t jump into the first person who shows you affection so quickly ! but vis doesn’t listen . he gives everything to her & they are married before the end of his second year .

vis graduates ( double major in business & teaching ?? idk i didnt go to cool leg ) & they move into a small house together . beau ends up dropping out & going to the police academy . oh , like a good husband he supports her , values her highly & makes sure the home is taken care of while she is gone . . . but he is his father’s child . sitting still would never work . vis takes up work as a professor while building his own business ( with his fathers help , he’s a practically a millionaire ) he begins to fund himself to build schools in places where there weren’t many options ⸻ he could easily fit in nicely to politics & dabbles in it every now & then . with this , they build a large house together & everything seems perfect . . . but his wife grows resentful . . .

beau ignores vis . he becomes desperate . she throws her parties with friends . they drink , they do drugs , sexual activities galore . frat parties like she used to do . vis grows more desperate ; almost completely ignored during these parties & in daily life by her ⸻ like he wasn’t real . it gets to the point where vis wonders if he actually wasn’t real . he begs for her attention & she gives it , but only at these parties . it kills himself inside but he obeys ; anything to stay in her good graces . beau dresses him up & parades him around . . . & all he does his smile . until he can’t anymore . tired & high he stumbles to their bedroom & writes a note in his pocket before attempting to take his own life .

vis is found before he could & is immediately placed into a psychiatric hospital ; where he spends a good year . during that year it was hard ⸻ he began to hallucinate , growing worse before he got better . his father & friends visited him when they could but he refused to leave his room when beau would show up . she would leave notes for him ; practically essays . for a while he would rip them up , not caring for what she had to say . until his friend malachar had his son & he was a god father . vis read the letters wondering if this . . . sin could be fixed . could they , too , have children ? should he ?

he returned home intome to meet his godson before his first birthday . vis loved that child more than anything in the world & beau saw that ⸻ she asked if he wanted one . oh so excited they tried & tried for years to have a child of their own ! soon enough they had a beautiful little girl : vivian von hellbert . ( still born with mermaid syndrome . vis refuses any surgery done to his new born & will have vivian decide when she's older )

they play the role of happy family for a while . but soon beau retreats back to her old ways : ignoring vis when he displeased her & even ignoring her child . . . vis could handle being the brunt of it , but he would NOT ALLOW HER HURT BY HER OWN MOTHER ! when vivian is three , vis files for divorce & fights for full custody of their daughter . he had collected evidence of her abusive ways through home security cameras , his journaling of events , beau’s own photos & paid her friends to testify anonymously . vis successfully gains full custody of his daughter . he refuses child support from her & also gets a restraining order . sadly , vis did not sign any prenuptial agreement as they married in such a blinding love & he was forced to give beau a large sum of his worth . it’s a small price to pay to keep vivian safe . money can be regrained . beau ends up spending & selling it anyway .

vis hires a full time nanny named clara to help care for his daughter . when vivian is seven , he asks if she would like her ❛ one and a half ❜ leg be removed in favor or two ❛ robot legs ❜ . she says yes & they go forward with getting her prosthetics . it takes her a year to fully heal & learn how to walk , but vis cries when he sees her run in their backyard for the first time .

vis is in his late thirties , early forties , clara is in her twenties & vivian is eight . beau is in her thirties , vadik is in his sixties & edith is also in her sixties .

random shit i like to think happened :

- when vivian was born , vis’ mother called to congratulate him . instead of saying thank you vis goes into heavy detail about how he’s slept with both men & woman , as well as making sure she knows his wife likes him in dresses . edith never calls again .

- vadik ends up going legally blind & has a nurse who stays with him . they visit vis & vivian often & likes to do little science projects with vivian :)

- vis had a wheelchair elevator installed in his house as well as also adjustments to help vivian feel like the more comfortable & independant . sometimes she still uses her wheelchair so vis makes sure those adjustments remain even after she gains her prosthetics . she has a tendency to forget to charge her legs so she gets stuck often .

#⚜ ・ like a shadow : i am and i am not . — MODERN VERSE !#( / lays on floor )

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forgetmenot987 · 2 years

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Drarry Fic Recs:with injury/ illness/disability/disease

Includes both physical and mental illnesses.Involving Aphasia, Blindness, Memory loss, Insomnia, Paralysis, Epilepsy, Hallucinations, Psychosis, Anorexia, Depression, Domestic Violence PTSD,Voice Loss, Infantilism, Diabetes.

Mostly bottom draco/top harry

1.《Unkissed Kisses and Songs Never Sung》femmequixotic

Aphasia Harry

Harry is badly injured on a mission and survives but suffers from aphasia. Draco makes a huge sacrifice to the cause, teaching Harry to understand the language again every day. He taught many, many words that Harry could not understand or express accurately. He regretted that he had never said I love you to Harry until his accident, so he said to him, love, over and over again. finally, one day, Harry stumbled and said to him, love, love ......

2.《Let's Pretend the War Is Over》pir8fancier

Mental Illness Draco

After the war Draco lost everything: both parents, his wealth, his friends. Gradually he realises that he may be insane, why else would the hallucinating Potter keep knocking on his door? The author's writing talent is superb, bringing to life the mad world in the eyes of the mentally disturbed Draco and the usual humorous meanness of his nature. Draco thinks the world outside the curtains is a great demon that lifts and is engulfed in monstrous rage, and it's really so gentle when little Ha hugs him and reassures him that it's just sunshine.

3.《Vale Sanare》RurouniHime

Epileptic Draco

Very touching hurt/comfort text. After the war Draco endured the aftermath of the curse. He had a sudden seizure while on an errand at the Ancient Spirit Court, and a man, immobile, propped up his body as it was about to collapse and asked in a low voice, "Are you alright?" He found it was Harry, who had just returned from a few years of travel to the Muggle world. Harry had suggested that Draco try muggle physiotherapy and had even asked a friend to help him. Draco thought Ha was taking pity on him, which Ha said was out of empathy. Drawn feels that Ha has belittled his pain, which is when it is revealed that Harry also has a disability from the war, and that one of his hands shakes uncontrollably and violently, which he usually relies on a spell to hide.

4.《A Big Black Sky》alexmeg

Domestic Violence PTSD Draco

After the war Death Eaters were heavily discriminated against and Draco lost both parents and his wealth. He falls blindly in love with a domestic violence man and has a baby for him. After yet another domestic abuse and sexual assault, Draco escapes with the child, but a few days of homelessness leaves Scorpy with a disease that St. Mungo's refuses to allow him to seek medical attention for, and in desperation Draco runs into Harry. Harry helps them and lets the father and son stay in Grimmauld Place for a while.

The whole story is about the recovery of the father and son, but it is four people who are cured. Harry in this one longs for family, he would choose Teddy between his career and Teddy, and the arrival of Tug and young Scorpius makes the little family of Grimmauld Place complete. The h/c between Harry and Scorpy is also super touching, with Harry seeing the child who lived in the cupboard through Scorpy, the difference being that he now has the power to protect and change, healing Scorpy and reconciling with his tragic childhood at the same time.

5.《Nobody’s Ever Died of A Broken Heart》frayach

Depression Harry

Harry goes through the five stages of grief after Draco's unexpected death. frayach is not even going to come down from the altar of my heart.

Through the very lifelike descriptions, the image of a desperate undead leaps off the page.Memories can always appear in the next line of reality, making it possible to experience harry's struggle and stumbling between memories and reality. Paired with a tender and tear-filled hopeful ending.

6.《Balance, Imperfect》bixgirl1

Paralyzed Harry

A hurt/comfort fic between Harry, who is paralysed by his mission, and his therapist Draco. At first Harry is in a state of self-loathing, unwilling to open up and cooperate with therapy, and Draco uses various provocative methods to get him to snap out of it. After a month, Draco thinks it's because of their past problems that Harry doesn't treat him well, and feels that this is delaying his condition, and discusses with Hermione a change of treatment. Harry overhears their conversation and realises that he doesn't want Draco to leave at all, and that Draco has brought colour back into his desperate life.

7. 《 Arithmancy 》 naturegirlrocks

Anorexia Draco

Summary: In sixth year,Draco felt like his life was spinning out of control. The only thing he could trust was the logic of numbers. He calmed down when he found something new to count, which muggles call "calories".

8.《Oxytocin》WouldItWere

Insomnia Draco

In his eighth year after the war, Draco suffered from severe insomnia and severely impaired physical functions due to PTSD and self-abuse. By accident he and Harry became Potions class partners, and he actually managed to fall asleep around Harry.

Pansy, who is a super nice friend, finds out and privately begs Harry to help him sleep, and Harry reluctantly sleeps with him every day, growing fond of Draco.

9.《A Fruit Tree in Winter》 Anonymous

Abuse PTSD Draco/Temporary Blindness Harry/Paralyzed Harry

After weeks of abuse by the Death Eaters, Draco opens his eyes again to find himself in an unoccupied farmhouse. Learning that it was his mother and Snape who had arranged it, he began a long refuge.

Until one day a man covered in blood lies in the doorway. He was shocked to find it was Harry, and even more shocked that Harry had lost his eyesight and was unable to walk. He kept his voice down so that Harry didn't recognise him and helped him through the most difficult and helpless stage of his life. By the time Harry regained his sight ......

10.《Obliviation》dysonrules

Memory Loss Draco/Voice Loss Draco

When Harry decides to quit Auror Training in order to care for young Teddy over the summer, he has quite enough to worry about without Pansy Parkinson dumping a mute Draco Malfoy on his doorstep.

11. 《Love, Like Hate, Knows Many Guises》Frayach

Infantilism Harry

Aurore Harry is sent to deal with a domestic violence complaint one day and he is shocked to discover that the victim is Draco. He decides to help Draco, but he carries a secret of his own. Harry has a lifestyle of Infantilism. childhood abuse and lack of love turns into a daily diet of nappy, dummy and baby bottles to feel safe and 'normal'.

12. 《Lessons in Grace and Decorum》GallaPlacidia

Mental Illness Draco

At Draco's trial, Harry asks for the sentence of five years' imprisonment to be quashed, and the judge agrees on the condition that Tug is bound to Ha and becomes his prisoner for a year, that Tug must obey any orders Harry gives him and cannot leave him more than 15 metres away or use magic without Ha's consent, and so they begin to live together.

13. 《Use Somebody》No1MournsTheWicked

Diabetic Harry/Domestic Violence PTSD Draco/Muggle AU/Boss-Employee

Law firm boss Harry x personal secretary Draco. At the beginning Draco applies for a job as Harry's personal assistant. Gradually he finds Draco stooping to a position well below his level, he assumes Draco is a rich kid out to experience life, but the occasional signs of ptsd Draco shows make him sad and curious.

#drarry #bottom draco #top harry #bottom draco malfoy #top harry potter #draco malfoy #harry potter #fic rec #mental illness #disabled #injury #disability #disease #hpdm #drarry rec

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moemammon · 3 years

Note

hey !! I've recently discovered your writing and fallen in love !! everything you do is so amazing !!! I love it all!! could you write about how the boys would react to MC getting a little cold/stomach bug and needing to be taken care of ?? if this hits too close to home I'm sorry !! you def don't have to write it but I've always been a sucker for sicfic fluff !!

MC is Sick?! (Feat. The Demon Bros!)

(Tw for illness)

Lucifer

It was universally known that humans were fragile, and prone to illness. Some even died from simple colds. That being said, your little cold was still enough to bother the oldest brother. So much so that his work has been... of a lower quality than usual.

This dude is all disheveled and haggard because he's so worried over you, but that doesn't mean he's skimping on your care.

It's a surprise to everyone that he keeps you in his room, where he can monitor you and make sure you have everything you need. Might even cheat a little with magic from time to time, as long as it speeds up your recovery.

He's also making sure you're comfortable and at ease, often putting on a soothing record to lull you to sleep. In reality, he might also be using it to de-stress, too-

"To think you ended up like this while in my care... I should have paid closer attention to you. But now, you're my entire focus. Leave your recovery to me."

Mammon

You've been sneezing, coughing, and vomiting all over the place! This is some kinda human illness, right?? aRE YOU OKAY-

Proceeds to go OVERBOARD with the care. You're wrapped in twenty blankets, you've got an ice pack on your head and a thermometer in your mouth (the kind used in cooking because they don't own a normal thermometer), and he's gathered every medicine he could get his hands on

But once he calms down, he's actually pretty good at caring for you. Mammon isn't COMPLETELY useless when it comes to caregiving, so that's a plus. He's just especially worried because it's you.

Refuses to leave your side, and won't let you leave your room. If you need anything, he's just going to get it for you! He's also barring his brothers form entering, claiming that he's trying to keep them from getting sick.

"Who told ya to go out and get sick, huh?! Makin' me all worried and stuff... Guess I've got no choice but to take care of ya! I'm not leavin' your side, ya hear??"

Levi

Levi's literally been dreaming of a scenario where he’d be able to nurse you back to health. Uh, not that he wanted you to get sick, though!

He's always wanted to do the 'pressing your foreheads together to check your temp' thing.... And 100% own a nurse cosplay that he's tempted to wear

But it's a little hard for him to focus on his fantasies when you look so pitiful. He's got to make sure you're back to full health ASAP! There's a marathon you two need to binge, and he doesn't want you throwing up every five seconds!

He'll take you to his room, since he'll be able to take care of you 24/7. And tbh?? He actually does a decent job?? He's a little annoying about it because he keeps checking on you every three seconds and talking to you when you're trying to sleep, but he means well.

"If only the 'Kira Kira Curing Beam' was a real thing.... For now, I'll just do my best with what I've got! Ganbare, MC!! Faito! Faitoooo!!!!"

Satan

The first one to notice that you're getting sick, so he's on it 👌

Obviously he's read enough to know the basics of taking care of a sick human, and he can study anything else he doesn't know, so you're in good hands.

Also EXTREMELY worried. It's written all over his face, despite his attempts to keep it cool. He's read how humans can succumb to things like this....Actually, he just finished a novel where that was essentially the main plot-!

So gentle with you throughout the entire process. He makes sure to keep you warm, brings you all the essentials, makes sure you're hydrated, and keeps tabs on your medicine. He's got a schedule for your care and everything!

"Honestly, you should have told me sooner that you weren't feeling well. It's fine to come to me for things like that, you know? I'll always be happy to take care of you."

Asmo

Snot, phlegm, AND vomit??? Yeah,,,, that's a hard pass,,,,

It's taking every ounce of his mental strength not to abandon you in your time of need, but thankfully his love for you is greater than the disgust for now

But his dramatic ass is gonna come into your room in full hazmat when he takes care of you, no exceptions. Even if you ask him to bring you a glass of water, he's acting like you have the plague.

But he's also pretty good at taking care of you? Even demons get sick, and Asmo has a tendency to get pretty intimate with wide varieties of demons, so he's had his fair share of sick days.

"How am I supposed to hug and kiss you if you're so sick?? It's killing me, MC! Though, they say you can sweat an illness out of your body if you try hard enough. I think I know plenty of ways to work up a sweat~"

Beel

Now is no time to think about how hungry he is becaUSE HES WORRIED ABOUT YOU

Beel isn't the type to really know much about humans, other than stuff about their food and how weak they are, so he's pretty much assuming you're going to die.

Literally won't leave your side. If you need anything, he brings it. If you need to go somewhere, he's carrying you.

He doesn't know how to care for you, so he asks his brothers for all the help he can get. Though he insists on personally bringing you the remedies they give him.

"Hang in there, MC. You should eat more to build up your strength. I know you can't keep anything down, so I asked Satan to make something good. Here, it's soup. I'll blow it off for you, so open wide."

Belphie

Honestly, he thought you were just taking a REALLY long nap. You hadn't left your room at all, and you didn't even go to RAD. He was lowkey jealous that Lucifer didn't scold you until he realized it was because you were sick.

And very sick from the looks of it. There were tissues everywhere, your room was hot, and you looked like you'd been dropped in a lake, fished back out, then beaten up and thrown back in.

He couldn't even tease you when you were in such a pitiful state. Belphie had seen illness plenty of times, so this wasn't anything new. It didn't ease his worries, though.

So he keeps you company by curling up in bed with you, not caring if he's close enough that he might get sick. He's not the best at actually caring for you, because he tends to forget to bring you things or falls asleep on the way, so he leaves that to his brothers.

"You must be lonely, being holed up in your room all alone. It can't be helped, so I'll stay with you until you're feeling better. Just don't get your snot on me, okay? ....heheh, I'm just joking. Come here."

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rengoku-recovery · 2 years

Text

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

𝔚𝔦𝔰𝔱𝔢𝔯𝔦𝔞 𝔉𝔞𝔪𝔦𝔩𝔶 ℭ𝔯𝔢𝔰𝔱

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

Pairing: Sanemi x Reader

Summary: Reader sells milk and cheese to the Wisteria house old lady and accidentally meets a wounded Sanemi, but he lies about his duties to gain any form of normalcy even for a little while.

Word count: 4118

No physical description, no name

Warnings: mentions of blood and illness

Part two

________________________________________

The air was frigid, the leaves on the trees had already been weakened and blown away. I shiver as I make my way down to the barn, thinking back to our goodbye sent the shivers travel down my spine. It seemed unreal to me knowing I hadn't seen or heard from him in months. Knowing I never would again gave me a sharp and familiar pain.

Quickly gathering new hay and setting dry bedding for the cows, I made sure to give each one a reassuring hug. Mostly for my sake, the cows were alright. Their winter coat was already growing, they had been well fed, all of them were healthy. I couldn't help but feel so grateful to them. After my Father passed, I didn't think we'd make any sort of ends meet all alone, but here we were. My Mother had managed to sell so much fruit and vegetables from our crops while I milked the cows, made cheese and helped our chickens hatch eggs. We were lucky to be able to take this winter break without worries of our supplies running low. If it wasn't for my Mother falling sick, I'd say this would've been a smooth winter.

I felt selfish telling her I'd be going away a couple nights a week down to the district to work part time. I know I lied to her about getting a job with the town's healer. I was interested, I had learned a lot from her from my persistent asking about what certain things do and how to cure a wound. But that's not what I'd be doing during the night.

Close to the red light district, there were a couple bars just right before the entrance. I figured money would be decent there, in case of an emergency. I had only been there for a few nights and Mother wasn't suspecting anything. It's not that I liked to lie to her, she just wouldn't feel safe knowing I was in such a dangerous part of town. To be quite frank, I was scared myself.

My memory was good and I didn't have much trouble remembering all the kinds of alcohol we were serving. Mostly men came and filled this place up, they could be unbearable sometimes.

The night was halfway done when the men I was serving asked for another round, I carefully dropped the ice cubes in the five short glasses and filled them to the top. I hesitated to turn around when I felt a chill down my spine, followed by a pair of eyes who I assumed were angrily watching me. When I finally turned around, the men asked to close out, while another one sat down, his familiar stare made my hands tremble.

Instead of excitement, I felt anger. The way he carefully watched my every move. I was surprised he waited until I was done before he finally approached me.

"What the hell are you doing here?" The way he spoke almost sounded like a growl, it only made me nervous. But I wasn't entirely scared.

Sanemi wasn't causing a scene and for that I was grateful.

He got closer to me over the counter, his presence felt different. "Come on, I gotta talk to you." He said almost pulling me with his stare alone.

I looked toward the boy who served next to me and announced I'd be going to a small break, he nodded and continued serving while I followed right behind Sanemi.

He didn't take my hand to guide me, but he might as well have the way he mentally had a grip on me. I trailed fast behind him past the men who stood around with drinks in their hands, we passed the main doors until we were outside, that's when he finally took me by the wrist and guided me towards the back. The cold air made me shiver, it was so dry it could snow any minute now.

"I told you to be careful, I said you needed to be safe! Why are you here? I thought we made a deal!" His voice raising in anger only made me more upset, and for all the right reasons. "Why are you yelling at me? Let go!" I retorted, pulling my hand away from his grip.

He stared at me in shock, never once before did he see me angry. "You leave me, you say I'll never see you again and then you come back and have the nerve to be upset at me? I don't understand you." He stayed quiet. I could see him think through, I knew he was upset for a reason but he wasn't being clear. My body began to shake under the cold wind, I wrapped my arms around myself, rubbing myself to keep warm.

Before he spoke he stripped off his white haori, quickly placing it around my shoulders. "I'm not supposed to see you, I didn't think I would. Not here, but you still didn't tell me why you're here. This is a dangerous place, you shouldn't be here." His voice came down a few notches, but he was still upset.

"My Mother is sick, we have enough supplies and money for the winter, but she hasn't gotten any better so I figured I could work in case it gets worse. It's never wrong to be extra prepared." I finally admit, if there's one thing I don't want is pity, especially not from him. I know I can take care of my family just fine, I don't need to give anyone explanations.

"Why here? It's full of men who think unholy and are too unconscious to know when they're doing wrong. Besides, this place is still dangerous."

"This place is easy money." He shook his head when I said it, probably not liking what he heard one bit, "is that another cut on your stomach?" I attempted to shift the subject by pointing out the blood on his stomach.

He looked down at his core, if I was guessing he probably had already forgotten about the scratch while he was too distracted yelling at me. He must have some top notch pain tolerance. "I really wish you can reconsider this job. I can help you if you have an emergency, you just have to ask."

"I don't think I'd ever ask you for that."

"I wouldn't mind."

"I wouldn't ask. You forgot about the cut?" I ask once again. "Oh, no not really. I was stopping by for a drink before making the trip to the healer, that old lady sure knows how to patch me up." He finally almost chuckled. The weight on my shoulders vanished almost instantly once I felt him ease down again.

"I can wrap it for you, I know enough." The soft look on his face made me feel so warm inside. It wasn't long before he agreed to go back inside the bar for his drink. I carefully picked the nicest ice for him, even though we kissed once and I expressed what I felt towards him, he almost admitted to seeing me some type of way, we weren't acting the way we had when we said goodbye.

Part of me was so grateful that he wasn't mentioning any of that, the only reason I expressed myself that way and begged for his kiss was because he said we'd never see each other again. At least not willingly on his part, but I was embarrassed deep down.

When all I had left was to wipe down the counter, he got up and tried to help which I quickly turned down.

"So where do you live?" He asked as we started making our way outside the bar.

"My house is far, it's a long walk. When I work night shifts here this lady lends me her shed." He began to say it was smart of me not to make the trip alone during the night.

It was a short walk to her house, the shed was behind her home and it was real nice and cozy.

Being alone again with Sanemi made me so nervous, I was embarrassed thinking about how loud my heart was beating and if he could hear it, but he didn't mention anything so it was safe to assume he was either ignoring it or he really couldn't hear it at all.

He sat down, taking off his haori and my hands began to tremble at the sight of his exposed body.

"Are you hungry? I can make you something while I patch you up." I spoke, fighting the shakiness of my voice with all my might.

He shook his head, "I'd like tea if you've got it." I nodded and made my way to the cabinet, I tried to keep myself busy and focused on the water I was about to boil so I didn't stop to stare at him. But my eyes wanted to wander off and just look at him.

The water would take a couple minutes to boil, so I made my way towards him. Luckily I had the necessary things to tend his injury, with shaky hands I approached him. "What'd you do this time?" I asked, kneeling before him as I began to wipe down his wound. He didn't flinch once.

"Hunting my prey." He remained quite after that.

I continued to wipe down the blood, cleaning it off. Once I could see the wound clearly, it didn't seem to be as big as I imagined it to be. He wouldn't even need stitches this time. For that I was beyond glad.

"You don't have to act like it didn't happen, you know? You can relax a little." He finally spoke, I was left even more speechless than I had been a few minutes ago. "What's the use? You'll run off and I won't see you again, am I right?" Is all I could manage to say without getting my emotions involved. And the thing is, I wouldn't mind getting them involved, but I still could not read him. It was rough trying to decipher what kind of person he was, I wasn't sure about his next move or if he would get upset too quickly at something I said.

The gauze began to absorb his blood, I grabbed another and placed it on top making sure it would be enough for him to sleep on.

"I'm not even supposed to be here, it's not up to me." I felt as if he was excusing himself for something he didn't fully commit on telling me, only making my confusion grow. "Yea, I know. Your job doesn't allow much of anything. You don't have to remind me." So much for leaving my emotions at the door, I knew I was pushing his buttons but at this point I questioned if it really mattered.

I could hear him sigh and hesitate, from the corner of my eyes I witnessed his mouth open and close but he didn't say anything. He remained silent until I finished wrapping him up. My hands still trembling as I accidentally rubbed my hand with his stomach. His toned core sent shivers down my spine and I had to try hard and brush my thoughts away.

Without warning, he grabbed me by the shoulders. "I think I value your happiness too much to ever bring you down my path." He softly spoke, leaving me speechless and unprepared. "You hardly know me, and I hardly know you. Can't we just figure that down the road?" I questioned out loud, for my sake. For my feelings, for everything I was holding inside. I wanted him, I wanted all of it. To know him, to understand his anger and temper, to see a softer side which I knew he was hiding, to learn how to read him. But he didn't leave me any room to take a peek.

"It doesn't work like that. I can't explain it and I wouldn't expect you to understand my lifestyle. This was a mistake, I've never let my guard down." Part of me sunk when he spoke that way. It felt wrong, it stung. My heart was hurt, out of all the things he could've said, mistake was the worst possible word choice.

I felt like such a waste. I had been living on a limbo for some months, not knowing what my life was gonna be like, spending everyday with my Mother and mourning my father's death, with no sense of direction and then I see him, a hot blooded, short tempered, mad at the world boy who took my breath away without even trying. A soft brush of wind that I couldn't shake off. Why was he so complicated?

"Look, I know I'm not much but I never thought I'd be someone's mistake. None of that has been a waste of time for me, even waiting for you knowing you'd never be back, I would do it again if you allowed me to, but the only thing you're trying to do is push me away."

"You are more! Get it through your head. I cannot see you, I can't t be with you. I shouldn't be here again, you deserve more than what I could ever give you. It's not about you, you'd be miserable with me. It's fucking unfair to you!" His grip tightened on my shoulders as his voice began to pick up, the anger and selflessness was like tiny little darts aimed at my heart.

"You won't even try, you can't just say something without backup. You just came in, made me fall for you and you weren't even trying. I can take rejection, you can admit you don't feel the way I do, it would be less painful than you pretending you do." It wasn't easy to crack him, but maybe that was just it. He felt sorry for me because I fell for him and he hadn't. Maybe he just didn't want to make me feel bad about my feelings. That would explain some things.

I finally got up, unable to continue with this conversation. Simply making my way back to the stove for his tea. I stretched the time making his tea, I wasn't ready to face him again, my heart was in pain. All I wanted was to cry again, but it made me feel weak and I was drained from trying to avoid doing certain things all night. I picked a small spoon and a mug, carefully poured the water and took a deep breath before finally going back to him. It stung more than anything, to look at him and just know he wouldn't budge.

"I didn't mean to yell, it's just unfair to you." His voice was hovering just above a whisper and I knew he truly was sorry for his uncalled outburst. "It's fine. Do you want sugar?" He nodded and finally began to sip on his tea. We both sat quietly for a long time.

It was a long while before I finally got up to get more blankets from my drawer and began to set up the couch. Fluffing up my pillow and making room for him in my bed. "You can take my bed." I set two thick blankets on his lap and made my way back to the couch.

"It's fine, I can sleep on the couch. This is your place." My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. This man was almost a good foot taller than me and he expected to fit in my couch? "You're too tall, take my bed." I didn't let him object, I went behind the curtain to change into my nightwear. Slipping a warm pajama, I finally tangled up my hair and tied it at the base of my head, loosely hanging so I can comfortably sleep.

I quickly made my way back to the couch before he could take over.

"I don't know how to stop hurting you." He said as I awkwardly went under the covers. "I want you to at least know that before I leave." He didn't move, he remained seated in that chair. "You could stop pretending you felt the same way I did, I assure you it will help me a lot." I confessed.

Sanemi set his cup of tea on the table, got up and set his blankets on the bed before he slowly made his way to sit by me on the couch. I hugged my knees bracing myself for maybe another argument with him. "I wasn't pretending. I just can't admit my feelings for you. That would make it more real, and we can't move forward." My heart stopped. It really skipped a whole beat.

"I must go. You can tell me again, if there's anything from me you want, if there's anyway we can say goodbye and you won't hurt as much. Something that will allow you to peacefully close this chapter and move on freely. You can tell me now." I had to carefully chose my request. I couldn't speak without thinking.

We both looked at each other, I was close enough to see his face under the candle lights, the natural glow reflecting on his face, oh how warm he made me feel.

"Just give me one night. Let me keep this memory, let me be with you for only a moment. Let me have that memory." He looked at me puzzled, questioning my request.

I came up from under the covers and inched myself closer to him. I wasn't even sure where to begin, but I let my body lead me. Before I knew it I was trying to burry myself in his arms. "Is this okay?" I asked. He was laying still, uncertain of his moves and I wondered if he'd ever been this close to anyone before. Probably not. I burried my face in the crook of his neck, carefully wrapping my arms around his torso. He remained frozen for a while. His first attempt at anything was only to pull a blanket over our bodies. Finally placing his hand on my head, awkwardly digging his fingers into my hair. The simple gesture bringing me to tears.

His hand stopped.

"I'm okay, this is fine. Just let me keep this memory with me." He continued to massage my head until he picked up a rhythm with his fingers and was able to play with my hair with ease. While I enjoyed this very much, it was making me sleepy. I was fighting it off with all my might hoping I could enjoy every bit of it.

Slumber eventually took me under.

The next morning when I woke up, his fingers were still tangled in my hair. My heart almost stopped when I realized we were still here, together. Tangled with each other's arms and legs and keeping each other warm. I almost didn't dare to breathe so I could keep this moment for just a bit longer, but he sensed me right away.

"This is what you wanted?" He asked with a smile trying to peek at the corner of his lips.

I could only burry my head in his chest in response. I needed this moment to stretch out as far as possible so I can keep living in it.

Maybe he was expecting something more, maybe he wasn't expecting anything at all. But this is what I wanted and he gave me all the freedom in the world even if I knew it was most definitely against his own reasons. Part of me felt like maybe he actually did like me if he was willing to allow me this much.

"Thank you, I know you don't want any of this and you won't allow yourself anything of the sort." I spoke softly into his chest, hoping to hear something back, but he remained silent.

"I must go, you know."

"I know."

We both let silence consume us for a second, neither one of us in a rush to get up.

"You never told me," I began, thinking back to that time I last saw him. "Why were you opening your wound? Why do you like to hurt yourself?"

I can feel his body tense up after my question. It was distasteful enough to make him pull away and finally get up, leaving me behind in the couch.

"This is why I can't do this, I have to go now."

"You didn't answer me, don't I deserve answers at least? Before you leave?" For some reason, tears were threatening to spill once again, but I didn't want to let them escape, if I can blink them away, it's almost as if they were never there.

He faced me again, "I should've only been there over night, but you came back the next day. You are so different from anything I've had in my life and I don't allow myself anything good." He finally cracked, I could tell he was finally going to tell me what I have been waiting to hear. "I wanted to see you too, so I opened up my wound to stay one more day until it was a couple days and I knew I had to leave before I hurt you. My life is too dangerous to drag you down. You deserve to live and have a life of your own, I can't give you that no matter how we slice it." The silence that followed make me ache for him even while he stood two feet away from me.

Part of me wanted to spill my heart out again, but the other part already knew he was too selfless to stay here with me. No matter how hard I tried, I'd never be able to make him stay. And when I did manage to make him stay even for a few days, he was hurting himself on purpose. There was no way around it and I knew it. He knew it, we just kept hurting each other in attempt to get just one more taste of this, whatever it was.

"I can't see you anymore?" I asked hoping last night changed his mind. Even when I had already decided I knew the answer. He shook his head.

"Can I at least kiss you?"

"We can't see each other anymore. And if you kiss me now, I'll never be able to leave. I have to leave."

My mind was foggy, it was unable to grasp everything happening around us.

"Part of me will always be waiting for you, in case I hadn't made it clear before."

"I'm not asking you for that, I'm not even sure of my own future." His voice broke slightly, allowing me to see yet another crack into his soul.

My body was finally strong enough to stand, I made my way and followed right behind him. For some reason I began to circle around him, due to how nervous and uneasy I was.

"You didn't have to ask me, I just wanted you to know."

"Thanks for the tea, good bye."

This time I didn't cry, I knew I could hold it all until he was gone.

"Good bye."

Sanemi didn't allow us to kiss, but he embraced me one last time. And it was more than I could hope for. I felt so safe in his arms and he was being ripped away from me once again.

"Take care, I'll still be looking over you even when you can't see me."

In a matter of moments, he had already walked out. I was begging myself not to search for him tomorrow. Not to wait, not to expect anything. What happened last night was coincidence. He wasn't supposed to see me again. It was by chance and that was it. The hardest part was to convince myself not to search for him in everyone I'd meet in the future.

After tidying up the place and getting my stuff ready to go see my Mother, I embarked on the journey to be home before noon. Surely Mother will be waiting for me.

The long walk and frigid air helped me keep my composure, I was able to blame the cold wind hitting my face for the tears that were forming in my eyes.

Getting home wasn't any relief. The state Mother was in only kept going downhill. But it was all a blur.

One minute I'm telling myself I can't go back down to the district for work tonight, and I'm rushing to keep my Mother warm. The next I'm worried about her breathing. It was a mistake to leave her alone in this condition.

A/N: Here’s part two. I hope you people are enjoying this. I’m having a hard time posting more regularly due to my job and school but I’m really enjoying this and I hope you are too 🖤

(Part One) & (PART 3)

#demon slayer #kny #hashira #kimetsu no yaiba #anime #sanemi shinazugawa #sanemi x you #sanemi fluff #sanemi x reader #sanemi angst

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lubdubsworld · 3 years

Text

Blackberry Winters.

Part 1

Namjoon Werewolf Au !

Alpha werewolf!

Heavy angst.! Pregnancy, unrequited love, hate to love, prejudice, mental health issues.

-------------------------------

There is a tide in the affairs of men, which , taken at the flood leads on to fortune. Opportunities had to be seized and made use of and you had to be bold and confident in order to lead your people to fortune.

Namjoon, as the head alpha of the Kim clan, knew this better than anyone else. Which was why he was here, in a meeting with alphas from the three neighbouring clans lining his boundary lines, hoping to get permission to access the seven or so aquifers that lay to the east of the packhouse.

The rains had been kind to them, the reservoirs were full but he wanted to make sure they had a backup plan just in case things went south in some way. His father had taught him that. Being prepared for the worst was second nature to him now. The land around the aquifers was rich and fertile and Jungkook had already let him plant tangerines and apples in the area for the little ones. The harvest was generally shared between the two clans and Namjoon was grateful for the easy camaraderie that the alpha of the land offered him.

The land belonged to alpha Jeon , a dear friend by all means and he knew that Jungkook would grant him permission as he always did . But still it was never a certainty. The council members had the final say and many of them held a grudge when he refused to marry Jungkook's sister last spring. That had been a no brainer for him. Junghee was beautiful but also like a sister to him, besides being incredibly intelligent. He didn't need a wife like that. And that was why he had picked, Jiah.

Sighing, Namjoon glanced back at the campsite where the women were gathered, sitting in small groups and laughing around a blazing fire while a few alphas hung about roasting meat and passing out moats of wine around . His eyes fell on his wife, timid and shy , sitting away from the rest and regret churned. He had been impulsive. She was ill suited to be his wife , and the last three months had been a bitter wake up call. Namjoon was well read, eloquent and bold. His wife was barely illiterate, with a stutter and shifty eyes that never met anyone's gaze head on.

He had chosen her because she had seemed docile and pliant and while she was definitely that, she was also ....at the risk of sounding rude and unkind, very very boring.

A simpleton. She seemed to know nothing about anything, content to disappear into the shadows, to hide and hang back and practically become one with the upholstery when he asked her to sit next to him.

It had been three months and they had barely spoken beyond a dozen words. It was awkward and stilted and just plain uncomfortable, sleeping with her. Sex was supposed to fun and passionate and filled with excitement and desire but with her , it was a chore he couldn't wait to cross off his list.

Leaning back against one of the poles holding up the makeshift tent, he watched her as she scooted away from one of the older omegas in the Jeon clan, the lady looking startled at the reaction. He shook his head in despair. He hadn't even wanted to bring her along but his mother had insisted. Something about her being young and innocent, too shy to stay behind with strangers for two whole weeks while he traveled to the Jeon's .

How was he supposed to explain that they were strangers as well ? That despite the label of mates, despite the fact that he had been the one to choose her, he felt nothing for her? Not even the idle curiosity one felt for strangers?

It was partly her demeanour, but mostly her appearance. She wasn't well groomed and it always made him frown. He had hoped that she would at least keep herself presentable, maybe hire the weavers to make her a few new tunics .

Something colorful and patterned like the ones the other omegas wore during festivities. The Kim clan had a lucrative fabric trade with the Min pack , and Yoongi and Hoseok always kept the most luxurious and vibrant silks and fabrics for him.

Jiah had shown a brief and fleeting interest in the luxurious threads, when his mother had brought her along to the tailor to get her wedding trousseau done....but the moment the young beta had asked her questions about her likes and dislikes, she had recoiled and went back into her shell. Namjoon had watched the whole scene, annoyance growing with every passing second. He wanted her to be pliant but also independent. Low maintenance . But apparently he would have to hold her hand through everything.

And that's when he'd begun to actively distance himself from his wife. He didn't have the time nor inclination to help her navigate her new life. He was busy, what with autumn coming to an end and the first chills of winter already beginning to permeate the air. The betas and alphas in the pack were already occupied with hunting enough meat to last them the winter, the women busy with curing the meat with spices and salt.....

He should have left her behind with them.

" A coin for your thoughts, Alpha Kim?"

Kim Jisoo came to stand by him, her scent of floral dust and vanilla cloyingly sweet on his senses. She had helped him with many a rut and he had always nurtured a sweet spot for the omega who was well versed in many languages. She was also one of the courtesans they had brought along for the evening entertainment. Jisoo slipped her hands through his arm and he smiled, letting her brush close to his torso.

His gaze went to his wife, who was staring at him, eyes blank and lips parted softly. She looked a little upset.

Which was understandable but still annoying. They weren't in love or anything and he wasn't cheating on her. Jisoo was a friend. He was allowed to have those. Jiah had no right to look at him with suspicion or with entitlement. He didn't owe her all her time. He wondered if she would react if he were to confront her now. As it is , he let himself stare right at her, half wishing that she would talk back to him.

But the moment their eyes met, Jiah looked away, entire body shifting as though in embarassment. He frowned , but lightly patted the soft fingers curled on his arm. He turned to Jisoo with a smile, taking in the pretty elfin features. The perfectly curled hair , threaded with gold and jeweler pins fell in soft ropes around her face, her lips tinted red and her cheeks brushed rose. She looked enchanting and unreal and he felt his blood stir in arousal, the need to feel her under him suddenly overwhelming.

He glanced back at Jiah and she looked a little green , her face ashen. His eyes narrowed when she shifted and looked around in a mild panic. Oh God, what was it now?

Irritable, he gently pulled away from the beautiful omega next to him.

" Excuse me, dear. I need to check on my wife." He said apologetically and she frowned staring at where he was looking.

"What's wrong?" Jisoo asked sharply but he ignored her, already moving to his mate.

Which was just as well, because the moment he reached her, her eyes rolled back and she toppled right into his arms.

She had fainted .

---------------------------------

" I'm sorry we had to cut this short but I hope your mate feels better soon, hyung." Jungkook's voice was laced with genuine concern and Namjoon nodded, hugging the younger alpha tight.

Junghee looked just as sympathetic, next to him.

" She'll be fine . I tried to get her to stay but she's been panicking a lot and refuses to let any of the healers here examine her. I think she'll be more comfortable with your pack healer. " She said gently.

Namjoon nodded, glancing back at Jiah who sat side-saddle on one of the smaller ponies, her eyes wide and face still ashen. He had tried to tell her it would be okay , but she had insisted on going home. The stark terror on her face had unsettled him deeply. He didn't know why she was so scared of the Jeon healer? Could it be because he was a man? Whatever the reason she hadn't let him examine her and because he couldn't ask her to just forget about the whole thing ( he was still head alpha , he still had to set an example as a caring mate. ) Namjoon had been forced to arrange for their return back home.

He had left Seokjin and Taehyung behind to carry the talks on his behalf, and Jisoo stood a few dozen feet away looking annoyed as he gave her

an apologetic smile.

The journey back to the Main village would be a couple of days and he had packed enough food for the both of them.

As he turned back to mount his stallion, he caught a glimpse of her face as she stared at him.

She looked lost , apologetic and clearly upset.

And he wondered if he would have to spend the rest of his life reading her face, trying to figure her out.

He has no interest in either.

-------------------------

The journey became incredibly tiring, especially when the skies opened up on them. Rain Lashed the ground , intent on soaking the earth and Namjoon watched her shiver, trembling as they all huddled beneath the shade of some trees, blankets wrapped tight around her thin torso. Why was she so thin? Why did she look at food like it was poisoned?

They were only a mile from home but had to stop, the deluge was far too strong for the animals to see ahead of them.

Namjoon himself sat next to an omega from the clan. He recognised her as one of the maids his mother had given to Jiah.

" Is your mistress doing well?" He asked gruffly and the omega startled, bowing twice in respect before answering.

"I...she ... She doesn't say much, alpha." The girl blushed under his gaze, looking away nervously and he frowned, glancing back at Jiah.

So it wasn't just him, then. She didn't trust anyone. He stared at her till she felt the heat of his gaze and looked up, eyes wide like a startled bird, like one of the starlings that nested in the wooden beams of his hut. She looked surprised, then terrified, eyes darting away at once and he tried not to growl in sheer frustration.

He wondered if it was because of his face.

Namjoon had no large feelings about his looks but he knew he was far from beautiful. ( A/N : A whole lie , I know but please bear with me for the story :*) it was one of the reasons he had wanted a plain looking bride. But perhaps his own chosen mate had , had dreams of marrying a very handsome man? Perhaps she had been infatuated with someone like that , from the clan?

It wasn't a far fetched idea. But still, she had been free to refuse his proposal. When he had first met the clan's watchkeeper, old man Gong in the humble hut on the outer borders of the pack land, he had made it clear that it wasn't some kind of order. She was free to refuse.

But she hadn't.

She had merely bowed and agreed and promptly appeared with a satchel full of her things and followed him back to his own home.

So why did she continue to act like she was here against her will?

It irked him no end.

As the skies cleared, they began their trek again and Namjoon pushed thoughts of her out of his mind. He had to plan for the winter, make sure there was enough food and also make sure they had enough herbs and liniments and oils in the apothecary. Mind drifting off to the countless things he was responsible for, Namjoon forgot all about his awkward mate and the reason they were going back home in the first place.

Which is why, when they reached home and he took his bath, cleaning himself up and finally settling down to some delicious food from the kitchens , his mother's words made him drop the chopsticks in shock.

" She is with child."

Namjoon stared at his mother in complete shock.

Fuck.

---------------------------------------------

Authors Note : I had this idea and just had to write it. Hope you guys enjoyed it.

#werewolf namjoon drabbles

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softrozene · 3 years

Text

Sacrifice

@luna-hatake-uchiha requested: Hi. First of all, I want to wish you a happy new year. I read on Archiv of your Own that your request box is open... Soo could you please write a scenario where Law and his s/o are having a daughter and after a few years their daughter shows symptoms of the Amber Lead poisoning? And Law doing everything he can to heal her? (This is my first time doing this and I'm sorry if I sound rude somewhere.)

You were perfect in requesting Hon! Apologies for how late this is (I hope you had a good start to the new year!) but omg- That would be so heartbreaking ahhhhh. This came out pretty angsty but I tried to give it a neutral ending! I hope you enjoy it!

This turned into a one-shot oops.

Trafalgar Law x Female Reader

Warnings: Fluff/Angst- Spoilers of Law’s past. Can be considered a good or sad ending! Uhh Post-Pirating au? Law is retired from the pirate life lol, grammar

*Instead of 2nd pov I wrote this in 3rd pov for a change. : )

Also, yeah- I am pretty sure that Law would be able to cure his daughter of this because of his Devil Fruit and it’s “Miraculous” abilities but I went for the more angsty side, so I made it more complicated than that lol. I just love the idea of protective dad Law.

Words: 1983

The smell of coffee is usually a scent that brings the pregnant woman, (Name), a comfort since that means she can sneak a sip from her husband’s cup but right now… It is too early for coffee. He should be in bed with her, but the sun is not even up. With exhaustion evident on her face and the goal of finding Law and bringing him back to bed- She regretfully leaves the warm bed.

The house they have is a decent-sized home. Two bedrooms- The one they share together, and the guest room, a nursery that Law and (Name) have been working on and of course, Law’s office to store his medical books and journals, a kitchen, a bathroom, and a small cozy living room.

It felt like bliss living here.

Even more so with the bun in the oven. Law was in shock when he realized his wife was indeed pregnant, but it made the joy of retiring from piracy to enjoy a domestic life with her all the better. It most certainly eases his thoughts that most of his crew also retired here on this peaceful island.

Things could not have turned out more perfect for them.

Though… That was about to change as (Name) walks into his office- The light from it leaking out into the hallway. The smell of coffee gets stronger, and she smiles upon seeing how serious her husband is looking through some of his books.

No matter what he is doing, he looks so handsome.

Something he got used to arguing with her saying how she is crazy for thinking his eyebags are attractive. It was all jokes sure but (Name) was serious and proud to say he was handsome. His personality definitely that too. She can rely on him and him on her and that is something hard to do for the both of them.

Law is too in the zone in the book so (Name) uses that to her advantage. She sneaks up behind him and is quick to wrap her arms around his neck, planting a kiss on his cheek. His tense body immediately relaxes within her hold and he turns to offer her a tired smile.

“Did I wake you?” He asks softly as a hand comes up to meet her swollen belly.

(Name) laughs and holds his hand to her stomach. “Yes, but it is fine. I just got cold without your warmth. That and the beautiful smell of coffee. I think our daughter wants a sip.”

Law’s face turns into a scolding one immediately making his wife laugh as she continues, “Hey! You said I could have some in moderation! I think a tiny sip is less than that and yes, I know we do not know if our child will be a girl, but I just have this feeling…”

Law sighs but… Then smiles as he just shakes his head. He gives in knowing full well that his wife’s point was mainly about getting her daily sip of coffee in. He pulls away from his wife’s loving hand to reach for his mug of coffee. Being careful of the still-hot contents in it. He hands it to her and watches as she smiles and takes her desired sip. Handing it back to him he puts it on the desk and immediately pulls the pregnant woman onto his lap earning himself a giggle from her.

“Anyway, what are you doing up, my love?” She asks as she nuzzles her face into his neck the best she can.

At this question, Law turns tense. His sigh comes out stressed as he hesitates to speak. He thinks it would be better now to share his concern, especially when it is such a valid one.

“I… Fear that our child may get Amber Lead Poising. It is a hereditary disease,” Law mumbles.

This makes his wife freeze up. She knows his pain with that. The fear of it. He must have been bottling it up until he just could not ignore the possibility. With a gentle sigh, (Name) places a tender kiss on his lips, momentarily distracting him from his painful thoughts.

“My love, please come back to bed. After a few more hours of sleep, you can come back in here… And no matter what happens with our child- I have faith that you will find a cure. Until then, try not to worry. Otherwise, you are going to send yourself into an early grave by putting all that stress on your heart,” (Name) says as a yawn escapes her.

Law can only smile now. She truly is his best friend. His other half. She knows how to ease his worries even if it is temporarily, but what she said… It also rings true. He vows to find a cure in the case that their child will get that stupid disease.

~*~

The rest of the pregnancy goes by quickly and as soon as the baby, a girl, is in their arms it feels like total bliss for them. It is everything they never imagined having but makes their lives totally complete. Her middle name is in memory of Law’s younger sister. The full name being Trafalgar Lami Lin.

“She looks like you already- Look at those wide (eye color) eyes,” Law says with a gentle smile on his face.

He never imagined he could allow himself to be this soft and vulnerable. To share it with (Name). His wife laughs as she leans against his arm as he holds their little girl in his arms. Both (Name) and the baby are exhausted.

“Thank the gods she does not look like a mini sleep-deprived version of you. Well, if she takes my looks, I only hope she gains your intelligence,” (Name) jokes.

Law smirks at the playful tone and as if he remembers sighs- “I forgot to tell you. What is left of the crew will be coming here tomorrow. They were even more excited than us combined.”

“Looks like we got a couple of free babysitters… I trust Bepo with her. Sachi and Penguin might drop her.”

Law sweatdrops at this and wishes he could argue back but… His wife is right. He makes a mental note to have Bepo be their go-to babysitter.

~*~

Days pass by fast when you feel joy and they pass even faster when you feel like the world suddenly has a time limit on it. Law promised his wife to enjoy the days with them and he did, but he spent countless nights trying to find a cure- Getting so close to finding something that can help in the case his daughter gets the disease.

The baby grows quickly into a child, but it was the age of five when Law realizes that she has those stupid white spots on her skin- Meaning she has Amber Lead Poisoning. He felt like he was suffocating. She was not supposed to get it. He paid his dues during his piracy. His loss of Rosinante. His loss of family. He paid whatever the hell life thought he owed it, so she was supposed to be in the clear.

She was not.

He knows that is just wishful thinking. His whole family got it and Amber Lead is a hereditary disease. He was supposed to die at age thirteen. He did not all because he ate a fruit thanks to Rosinante. Just because he ate a fruit and cured himself does not mean he could actually cure Amber Lead with his fruit.

He could try and cure Lin as he did himself. Using the fruit’s "miraculous" properties which is having the ability to cure any kind of illness. However, this requires some extent of medical knowledge in order to be utilized effectively. He has that knowledge, but he does not have the full knowledge to cure others of this disease. He cured himself because he ate the fruit.

He needs a real cure. One to ensure that this disease does not follow into the genes anymore. He wants to ensure that if his daughter wants a family of her own- If she makes it to that age, he wants her to be able to not have to think about her own children having the disease.

He estimated she would only have a few years left. Until those white spots grow big enough to almost devour her. His blissful life turned into a nightmare for him. He always could not stand the thought of losing (Name) and the feeling was deeper with their daughter Lin since she was only a child.

She deserved a long and happy life.

He was going to sacrifice his time to ensure that.

It was during one of these nights when he cursed out life for being cruel that Law had an epiphany. Something in his research began to make sense for a cure- It was uncertain, but it was something and it was this night that his wife was woken up when he got up out of excitement to begin writing on a large board he put together. He accidentally dropped a book nothing too alarming, so he was surprised to see his wife checking on him.

Her large eyes watching the board- Trying to decipher his valid obsession of finding a cure. He could not contain his excitement as he pauses briefly to place a kiss on his wife’s lips.

“Whoa. You are super cheery for once,” She notes.

Law can only smile. “I think I am close to finding something. A cure. It would still be a while before I have something solid but… This is it. It has to be it.”

Hearing this fills (Name) up with excitement too. Only to see Law experience a crash. He is at his limit for tonight since he spent all day shopping with his daughter and wife to go to Penguin’s birthday (definitely an alcohol) party. He should be totally spent after today.

(Name) only hugs him feeling his body immediately relax into hers and he freezes upon remembering something. Pulling back slightly he looks at his darling wife and places a kiss on her forehead.

“Hey… I do need to tell you something. If this lead goes nowhere. I am going to use the Ope Ope no Mi fruit on her,” Law states.

(Name) freezes in his grip. Understanding these words. That means he is going to sacrifice his life for their daughter if he can’t make a cure. He is willing to use the fruit’s powers for what others have wanted it for. Immortality.

He is willing to grant their daughter “eternal youth” if it means she can experience life without the disease affecting her.

His mind is dead set on that backup plan so all (Name) Can do is nod. He smiles at her though as to reassure her.

“That is just a backup plan. We still have a few years left but as of now, I do believe it is time to get in contact with that crazy pirate- Luffy. I need him to bring Chopper here. With Chopper’s help this should work,” Law murmurs more to himself.

He is exhausted.

“Alright Love- I will go get in contact with them. I will send a letter. Though… I think you should head to bed. You did well. You are such a good father,” (Name) murmurs.

Hearing this… Law really feels like he might break. All of these restless nights are going to be worth something. He is going to do what his dad almost did for his younger sister. He will cure his daughter and be able to watch her grow.

“Law… You are getting my hair wet with your snot and tears.”

“Shut up,” He mumbles as he holds his partner.

She laughs and the two stay like that- Content that there is hope for their daughter.

#my writing #one piece x reader #trafalgar law x reader #law x reader #fanfiction #one shot #one piece fanfiction #one piece one shot #fluff #angst #female reader #mentions of pregnancy

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vegalocity · 3 years

Note

Hug while straddling for @purble-turble's Time Travel Red and MK?

Affection meme

31. Hugging While straddling partner

Eyyyy lmao I'm always down to talk about Red Son: Ultimate Enemy as told by @purble-turble

There was no such thing as 'loving mental illness away'.

That was one of the very first things Qi Xiaotian had internalized when he came to the decision to make up with Red Son after his future adventure.

He wasn't exactly the picture of mental health himself, but when Red Son stumbled back into their time period, jacket chopped in half hair shorn close to his head and so obviously choking back tears, He'd instantly known whatever had happened to him had been actual hell. (Of course at first he'd forced himself to not care for how angry he'd been with Red Son after he'd told him about his parents plan and how he'd been a willing pawn in it, but that was beside the point)

So once he'd been properly brought upt to date on the exacts of the nightmare-future, and they'd started the process of looking for a therapist for Red Son, as clearly, he'd needed it, Xiaotian had taken it upon himself to do some research on his own time. it was a little difficult, he didn't want Red to find out about it until he actually had a better sense of what he should be doing, but since Red Son rarely seemed to be able to sleep anymore (even when Xiaotian could get him to lay with him in bed it was clear what little sleep he did get was rife with nightmares) and when he did sleep through the night he would wake up earlier than him, and they lived together... his most constant time for research was usually when he was technically on the clock.

But he'd gotten a couple of books about Post-traumatic stress disorder, general psychology, and 'So you've got a loved one with severe depression' (an actual title) and he'd scribble notes into the margins and on sticky notes when there was time between deliveries. And the first lesson every single one of those books had for him was just that.

You can't 'love someone out of their illness'. That's not a thing. The best you can do is love them through it.

So he did his best with that.

On some days that was just sending texts full of cute animal gifs and heart emojis, on some that was coming up to the loft on break to sit next to the lump of pillows and blankets on the bed and (after finding the telltale hint of short red hair that gave away where his head was) resting a hand on the part of the lump that was most likely an arm, gently rubbing it, and sitting in silence until his break ended.

And on some days it was this.

"It's not safe you're not safe I'm gonna slip up eventually-" Red Son's voice was fragile and warbling as his actions contradicted his words, hands scrabbling up and down his back and sides, gripping periodically for purchase before shrinking back as if afraid just hugging him back would crush him. "I'm gonna do something-"

"You won't." Xiaotian was practically seated in Red Son's lap at this point. Red had been sitting on the floor, back to the edge of the bed when the meltdown had begun, so kneeling on the ground until he was rested on his partners legs did two things:

one, it enabled him to wrap him up as tight as he could in his arms without having to twist one or both of them in an awkward angle.

and two, the extra pressure would probably help ground him, make it a little easier to come down from this one.

"You don't know that" His voice was hoarse, desperate. and Xiaotian closed his eyes and squeezed Red Son tighter.

"I do. I know you, hun." Red Son sobbed into his shoulder and he felt his hands finally decide where to be, resting across either shoulder blades and balling the fabric they found there up into fists.

"I know there's basically nothing that'll make you believe it at this point, but you're a good man, Red Son."

"I'm no-"

"Shhh, my turn to talk now." he shifted a hand to be able to bury it in Red Son's hair. He could feel him ever so minutely relax beneath him at the sensation. "You saw your potential for being a bad person, and don't forget everyone's got it. I have it, Xiaojiao has it, hell Monkey King has recorded evidence for his bad person potential, anyway, you saw yours and you've been working your ass off nonstop to keep it from ever getting the best of you.

"And this shit is fucking hard, hun. You're fighting your own brain and the actual literal future here! and guess what? it might not feel like it right now but you're winning."

Still, he shook his head against Xiaotian's shoulder. he didn't want to interrupt again, but still make his disagreement known.

"You are." He pulled away just enough to be able to properly cup Red Son's wet face in his hands. "You think that Evil King remotely hacked Jin and Yin's stupid battle robot in that illegal mech fighting ring and made it throw the match making them look like idiots in his timeline?" Red's gaze broke from his own as he thought back on the fight that broke out the week previous.

"....I suppose not-"

"You think that Evil King ever thinks for more than a second about the ethics of what evil plans he carries out let alone hours of agonizing over whether something was the right call or not?"

"Certainly not but that's not-"

"It is the point, Red. You're not the same person anymore. Maybe you started from the same roots, but he dug himself back into the ground and you rose up like a fucking tree instead."

Red Son met his gaze again, and Xiaotian could tell he still didn't believe him, but there was a spark there.

The faintest, dimmest hope.

"You are a good man, Red Son." this time he made sure every word was careful deliberate. So there was no misunderstandings that could be made. "And I am not accepting counterarguments at this time so you'd better fucking take it."

When he pulled Red Son against his chest again, and let the demon continue to cry quietly into his shirt, he pressed a small kiss to the crown of his head.

"I love you."

Red Son choked on a sob, and didn't answer.

It wasn't an issue, he knew Red Son loved him. Part of this whole thing being a thing in the first place was because Red Son loved him. Red Son wouldn't be as scared of becoming the Evil King as he was if he didn't love him so he knew better than to take to heart the days where he just couldn't say the words back.

There weren't any cures for mental illnesses. There were ways to mitigate the symptoms, but there are no spells that cure depression, there's no potion of anti-PTSD, and no person can love someone out of their illness.

But heavens above did he wish it some days.

He'd give anything to make it so Red Son wouldn't have to be in so much pain.

But all he could do was just hold him tighter, and stroke the short red tresses between his fingers until the sobbing stopped.

It took less time than usual.

Red was exhausted and pliant by the end of it and let Xiaotian drag him about the loft, obediently (if slowly) eating what was pressed into his hands and then nursing the mug of tea he was given as they settled down on the mound of cushions and he put on that 'how things are made' show that Red Son liked.

He was asleep halfway through the second episode.

Sure, some days were harder than others, and sure, some days he'd wish there was a cure just to spare Red the suffering.

But he felt Red Son's head slowly loll to the side until it rested on his shoulder, breathing slow and even and looking for the first time today like he was at peace and-

He still wouldn't trade it for anything.

"Love You, Hun."

Red Son hummed against him.

Send me stuff!

#purble turble #Time travel Au #spicynoodleshipping #affection meme #lmk #Lego monkie kid #Qi Xiaotian #lmk Red Son #letters to vega #vega writes stories too

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moonlit-han · 4 years

Text

stray kids’ reactions to you taking medication for depression & anxiety ↠ all members

genre: reaction word count: 2.4k warnings: discussion of depression and anxiety, description of panic/anxiety attack, swearing request: yes

a/n: hi anon! wow, this one turned highly personal really fast. so, this turned into a combination of your original request and how stray kids would react just knowing that you have depression/anxiety. i think how they’d care for and support you is a large part of their reactions to finding out, if that makes sense. i hope this brings you comfort~

✧ masterlist in bio ✧

bang chan

as with most things, chan would be very understanding

he’d just want you to feel and function the best you could

and not have to worry about whether you’re going to be able to make it through a day

he’d noticed when you first started dating that you occasionally withdrew into yourself

and needed time alone

chan didn’t really think anything of it

bc he also kinda just turns into a hermit and hides to reset and recuperate

but when you’d told him that you take meds for anxiety and depression

his sneaking suspicion that you’d been struggling with something was confirmed

it all made sense!

chan would be immediately and absolutely on board to support you

he wasn’t gonna let those nasty depression demons get the better of his y/n

no! fucking!! way!!! ＼＼\٩(๑`^´๑)۶//／／

when you could stand it, he’d be really cute and cuddly to try to make you feel better

and he’d also research everything about the meds

on the days that you just needed to be left alone, he’d be worried

bc he wouldn’t want you to be lonely or to need him and for him to not be there immediately for you

but sometimes even just the presence of another person is exhausting

even if it’s your partner

he’d always come back with flowers or your favorite kind of pie or curry or something else delicious or beautiful

all he wants is for you to feel like you can face the world

bc he’ll always be there by your side (♡‿♡)

lee minho

minho would be matter of fact and accepting about the whole thing

he wouldn’t be fussed

and would just accept that sometimes you’d be less than cheerful

and that it has nothing to do with him or his actions

while he wouldn’t necessarily understand the ins and outs of depression and/or anxiety,

he would still be totally committed to supporting you

he’d be glad that you have meds

because it’s hard for him to see you so down and feeling so blank

he just wants you to be okay

he’ll ask if you’re okay and what he can do

sometimes he just has to ask you a few times

just to be sure

for his own peace of mind

if any family, friends, coworkers, anyone gave you shit about your depression and anxiety

minho would be the kind of person to just:

Σ(☉‿☉✿)Σ(☉‿☉✿)Σ(☉‿☉✿) “hold my flower”and prepare to fight the world for you

alkjfhakjfdhkj

minho would always make sure that you have your meds on time

either going to pick them up from the pharmacy for you

or reminding you to get them yourself

he’d also remind you to take the meds on your especially bad days

when you can’t exactly think or do much else

while he jokes that cats are the best medicine for anything

minho knows and agrees that medication for mental illness and such is important

bc it helps you be able to function

but that doesn’t stop him from trying his best to make you feel energized and focused through other means!

you have a weekly picnic date, even after dating for two years

it’s the sweetest thing ever

and definitely helps (≧◡≦)

seo changbin

it was the first time you slept over at his place

(a really lovely evening with lots of sweet cuddling ｡ﾟ(ﾟ∩´﹏`∩ﾟ)ﾟ｡ )

(((oh no now i’m soft HHHH)))

and you’d left your bag sitting out in the living room

changbin had thought it would be nice if he got your things for you in the morning

and he also wanted to make you breakfast (✿◠‿◠)

so he'd gone to pick up your bag and saw the little pill bottle

and was just “oh, okay~”

when he'd come into the bedroom, changbin looked a little nervous?

bc he wasn’t quite sure how to ask you what meds you were taking

he wasn’t really worried or anything

he just wanted to support you with absolutely no judgement because meds aren’t a bad thing~

he was so understanding and immediately, like chan, researched everything he could about helping someone with anxiety and depression

and then made you breakfast bc that’s wonderful anytime at all

on the days you felt like you couldn’t get out of bed

(or simply couldn’t whether you wanted to or not)

changbin would be there

if you could stay in bed the whole day, then he’d stay with you

if you had to get up and actually do things, he’d do his best to help you

he’d make you food, help you shower, even pick out clothes for you so that you wouldn’t have to think

he’d understand that sometimes you need a bit of a prod to do things

changbin would definitely try his best to make those reminders as caring and lighthearted as possible

after all, you don’t exactly have control over when lack of motivation strikes

changbin would understand and know a lot of the feelings you have

and be able to empathize based on his own experiences

really, he would just continue to love you ♡

hwang hyunjin

hyunjin, oh sweet hyunjin

he’d be so understanding

and would feel really sorry for you

but not in a weird, pitying way

just sad that your brain had decided to betray you in such a way

*insert all the empathy here*

he knows all too well the feelings of hopelessness you sometimes feel

he’d be glad that you have meds, actually

and would even remind you when you have therapy (if you do)

he’d probably send you random “when you have anxiety/depression” memes

you’ve busted out laughing at inopportune times more than once from said memes

when you’re in a depressive episode, hyunjin would be like a cat

just curled up with you as much as possible

if you can’t stand to have someone near you

then, he’d still text you cheesy stuff like those ridiculous valentine’s day pickup lines that are, in fact, funny at any time of the year

oh and don’t forget about the utterly sincere, will-make-you-cry texts, love letters, post-it notes, notes written in blueberries on the counter, and even signs he’d write for you

one day, you’d even opened a lunch he’d made you to find a little note rolled up around your fork:

“hi hello yes you, the pretty one reading this! i love youuuuuu~ have a wonderful day, darling

p.s. remember to take your meds <3”

hyunjin’s gentle nature would be just what you needed

to support you

to love you

to care for you, not only emotionally but also physically

he’d be like a sheltering tree for you

grounded and calm with deep roots, but able to bend with whatever wind your depression/anxiety decided to gust through your lives

han jisung

jisung would…

well, jisung would just:

“AAAAAY, ANXIETY BUDDIES!!” (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ;;;;;;

ajkdfhaljkfghaljf

definitely not the response you’d been expecting

but it was perfect nonetheless

you spent an afternoon together just talking about how your anxiety and depression manifested

what helped you to cope

what helped him to cope

which meds you took and if there was anything jisung should be particularly aware of

he’d be really interested in just how your depression and anxiety manifest

bc in order to care for you and help

he wants to know what bit of your brain chemistry has decided to fuck shit up

(sometimes jisung feels like he needs to fuck shit up, too. but really? come oooon y/n’s brain)

he’d leave you notes reminding you to do things when your ability to focus goes completely out the window

you’d wake up to find one of those large sheets of poster paper taped to the ceiling above your bed, saying:

“i love you, even if you have depression/anxiety that makes you forget to do the dishes. again. you’re still my little gremlin <3”

jisung would give you any and all resources he has to help you

he’d probably even write songs for you

there’d probably a mixtape out there somewhere of him screaming at your depression and anxiety

telling them to leave you the fuck alone

bc you’re too wonderful to have to deal with that shit

your weekends together would be spent in the bedroom

under the covers

giggling your asses off

and cuddling

bc it’s dangerous outside the blanket ( ｀^´ )

lee felix

felix would be so chill about it

you’d tell him and he’d just be like

“okay! so what kinds of toppings did you want me to put on this pizza again?”

you’d just kinda blink at him

you’d been worrying about what he’d say

and if he’d leave you or something

(thanks, irrational brain. love you. NOT! ffs)

as if lee felix would ever leave you,,,,,,

it was a relief not to worry about that

felix would still bundle you up in the biggest hugs ever

and smile his sunshine-filled smile at you

honestly, that alone should be enough to cure depression

but, unfortunately, it’s not

((*shakes fist at depression/anxiety*))

but with felix’s smile and meds, you’re feeling much better, thank you

felix would try to make life brighter for you after finding out

he’d understand that sometimes you want to do things but just can’t

there’s no rhyme nor reason to it

and it wouldn’t matter to him

bc he’d still get to spend time with you, even if it just meant sitting on the couch watching movies

felix would know that sometimes he would just have to make decisions for you

not in a controlling way

but just because your anxiety over making decisions and following through with things would get the better of you

he’d make sure you drink water and eat lots of yummy food

his deep voice is the most calming thing oh my god

and whenever you have an anxiety/panic attack

felix would immediately catch you up in his arms and slow dance with you through the entire episode

even if you’re barely able to stand, he’d hold you up and support you

just so, at an incredibly scary time, you’d have the most loving arms around you

kim seungmin

you were having a panic attack when seungmin came over one time

and you’d just kinda slumped against the wall as soon as he’d come in the door

aaaand you’d had to explain what was going on

but seungmin had just helped you breathe deeply

and eventually you’d calmed down to the point that you felt like

well, like a limp noodle (＠_＠)

you know that feeling when your body is so exhausted from having a panic attack

that you can’t exactly do much else?

yeah. that.

so, he would be glad that you have meds for your depression/anxiety

like jisung, seungmin would want to have A Stern Conversation with your depression/anxiety

bc he’s tired of its shit ψ(｀-´ )ψ

not because he can’t deal with it or you

because he hates to see you in so much distress

also,,,,,,

no one should have to feel like there’s no joy left in the world, irrational thinking rules their brain, and like they’re trapped in a cycle of dysfunction, no matter how hard they try

bc sometimes just trying isn’t enough

and seungmin understands that~

sometimes you just need a little outside help

he’d come up with all sorts of things he could do for you to help ease your anxiety

he’d write down all your triggers just so he’d know what avoid

or what to tell other people to avoid alkdfjhakljdfh

bc we all know seungmin is that person (-_-;)・・・

when he found out that you have trouble deciding on food at restaurants

he’d immediately printed out the menus to all the restaurants you loved

just so you could take your time deciding at home

and not feel overwhelmed

aksjfhlskfjdh what a good bean

seungmin is just a sweetie who wants the best for you, really

plus, when you’re feeling better….

the two of you can go on adventures!! (⌒▽⌒)

yang jeongin

jeongin would be a little baffled that someone’s brain could be that cruel to them

“you mean you sometimes just can’t be happy?”

“yep, or function, really. sometimes moving or getting out of bed or eating just isn’t a thing”

‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚

“don’t worry about. i’m on meds for it so it’s not as bad”

(◕︵◕);;;;

“jeongin i promise it’s okay…..”

“HHHHHHHHHH”

you just ended up cuddling him and explaining how depression and anxiety worked

(or rather, how fucking annoying and, even, debilitating they are)

that made him happier bc he understood

he’d try to help you do things that help with the depression

like going for walks

or drinking enough water

definitely regulating your sleep

jeongin: “i know, i know, y/n! it’s hard but you haaaave to wake up”

y/n: “mmph” (￢_￢)

jeongin: *lightly swats you with a pillow* “get! up!!”

y/n: *grumpgrumpgrump*

nights are even harder alkjhsjkslkfjhs

jeongin, on the phone: “no you’re not being a night owl tonight. no! y/n~~~~ come on, i’m tired and wanna go to sleep”

y/n: “but i’m not tired!! i’m just gonna play one more round of this and then go to bed. i promise!”

jeongin, not having any of your shit: “uhuh….”

y/n, *sweats*: “i promiiiiiiiiise”

…………………

3 am

jeongin, via email: “this is an automated reminder to G O T O S L E E P”

y/n: “shit.”

he’d want to be there to listen to you whenever you needed him

even though he doesn’t have much experience with this sort of thing

jeongin would do his best as a kind and properly aware person

like everyone else, he just wants you to be okay

1K notes · View notes

five-rivers · 3 years

Text

Loved chapter 4

Written for Dannymay 2021 Day 3: Portal, even though the connection is sort of tenuous.

Bad things happened when Vlad came to Amity Park. For that matter, bad things happened wherever Vlad was. It was part of what made Vlad Vlad. Some part of his otherness, some twist of the shadow-fabric he was made of that left rot and ruin wherever his hem brushed. Of course, Vlad was never affected by this misfortune. In fact, he seemed to suck the luck out of everyone around him. Like a vampire.

Along with sanity. But that was a given for the others, even partial others, like Vlad. Or Danny.

But Vlad didn’t even try to hide or ameliorate the effects he had on people, didn’t try to keep them safe, to make their lives shine like the precious lights they were.

(Danny drummed his fingers on his chest and wondered, if, perhaps, it would feel less empty if Clockwork let him become a jewel box.)

But that was the way Vlad was, and Danny felt him enter Amity Park like nails on a chalkboard. His skin started to itch. His teeth hurt. Pressure pulsed in his head like waves of heat coming off asphalt. Being human, being real, was too tight, too heavy. It would be so easy to slip into the cool waters of the Dream and cut through them to wherever Vlad was.

No. He couldn’t. As shown time and time again, that would just exacerbate things. No matter what Vlad did, it would be worse if they fought, especially if there was anyone there to see it. Like what had happened with Jazz…

Danny was beyond lucky he’d been able to snap her out of whatever Vlad had done to her, but she still was quite right. The Vultures had actually apologized on Vlad’s behalf, after that.

(And wasn’t that strange, standing in the Dream on ground covered by bones and feathers, the Vultures on a dead tree, speaking as one. A thing of terror, apologizing for their ward. For pain suffered through Love. For lines crossed.)

Still. He had better… supervise Vlad, for a lack of a better word. Make sure he wasn’t getting up to anything. He’d go as a human – as himself.

He sighed and splayed his hands out on the table.

“Something wrong?” asked Sam, who had been making a complex sigil out of her fries and ketchup.

“Vlad’s in town,” said Danny. “I—”

The doors to the Nasty Burger were thrown open with a bang as Jazz came running in. She ran halfway through the store, to weak protests from the employee behind the counter, and skidded to a stop in front of their table.

“Vlad’s here,” he said.

“You saw him?” asked Danny, concerned. “Did he try—”

“No,” said Jazz. “I can just—It’s like he’s under my skin, and I—” She made a sound of frustration and gripped both sides of her head with clawed hands.

“Hey,” said Danny, gently, grasping her wrists. “It’s going to be okay. I’ll take care of it.”

“Okay,” said Jazz, breathing deeply. “Alright. I shouldn’t have freaked out like that.”

“It’s okay,” said Danny. He looked back to his friends. “Anyway, I’m going to go see what he wants, okay?”

“I’m coming with you,” said Sam, standing.

“Me too,” said Tucker. “Sort of. Halfway.”

“You really shouldn’t,” said Danny. “You know what happens when we get together.”

“Which is why we want to back you up,” said Sam. “As long as he stays physical, there’s stuff we can do.”

Unless Danny was prepared to do something incredibly inadvisable, there wasn’t much he could do to stop her. “Okay,” he said. “Just… be careful. If it looks like it’s going to turn into a fight, you need to leave.” He didn’t want them to get anymore spiritually messed up than they already were.

“We know, we know, you give us the spiel every time,” said Sam.

Yes, and Sam ignored it every other time. Danny shook his head. “Alright, let’s—”

Danny was promptly interrupted yet again, this time by his parents rushing in wearing… He could loosely call them clothes.

“It’s retro night, baby!” shouted Jack.

It was not retro night. There was no such thing as retro night at the Nasty Burger.

“I’ll take care of them,” said Jazz.

“Thanks,” muttered Danny, sliding out of the booth. “Come on, let’s go out the back.”

The alley behind the Nasty Burger was fetid in a way that made Danny’s shadow lift from the pavement and float on the air. Something that inhabited rats skittered in the corners at Danny’s presence and ran for a storm drain. He breathed shallowly.

“Which way?” prompted Tucker.

“He’s actually coming this way,” said Danny, frowning, debating facing him in this alley, just to see the disgust that would surely paint itself on Vlad’s face, paper-thin mask that it was.

Reality rippled, the surface tension that kept the Dream from bleeding in snapping. A miasma rose from the ground. Vlad stumbled into the alley, clutching at his face, which was melting. No, transforming. No, stretching. No, layering over itself a in dozen sickening ways, all the masks Vlad wore flickering over whatever truth he had all at once.

“Help me,” he grated. His words felt sick, diseased.

“Guys,” said Danny, fighting back the urge to vomit, “run.”

“No!” shrieked Vlad. “Help me!”

And sanity fractured like glass.

Whatever Danny’s parents had done to stabilize Vlad had worked, to a degree. It hadn’t fixed the underlying problem, which Danny could still feel slinking through the Dream. It also didn’t fix whatever he’d done to Sam and Tucker, although it had kept it from progressing further.

Danny took a slow, angry breath and ran a mental count of the lives stored inside his chest. They were there, all of them. Whatever happened to Sam and Tucker, they wouldn’t die.

But Danny knew there were fates worse than death.

His fingernails left half moon impressions on his palms as he clenched his fists. The Dream roiled with his fury, the force of it enough to keep Vlad’s diseased thoughts away.

“Daniel,” croaked Vlad. “Cure me.”

“That’s what Mom and Dad are trying to do.”

“Find a cure for me,” said Vlad, as if he hadn’t heard Danny at all, “and you’ll find a cure for your precious little friends.”

Danny stilled. “You did this on purpose.”

Vlad laughed. “Of course, I did, my dear boy. What value is a simple human mind compared to those such as we?”

Any rage Danny had felt up to this moment paled in comparison. The mirror over the sink cracked down the middle, never to show a true physical reflection again. He hated—

A concerned tug at Danny’s throat jolted him from his thoughts. Clockwork. Clockwork would know what to do. He turned, and without a second glance at Vlad, strode bodily into the Dream.

It took Danny even less time than usual to find Clockwork, and, when he did, he immediately found himself at Clockwork’s center, deep within the castle that was his metaphor. Dozens of Chains were fixed to Danny’s collar, each of them completely taut, holding him perfectly immobile, the embrace of a relieved but panicking parent. Clockwork’s emotions, too vast for Danny to fully comprehend, were transmitted directly through those chains, microscopic vibrations raising gooseflesh on Danny’s skin. A wordless noise both distressed and pleased wound its way from Danny’s throat, continuing to echo long after he’d run out of the breath to maintain it.

Clockwork’s avatar cupped Danny’s face in its hands, long fingers almost completely encircling his head. There was more of Clockwork in it that there usually was.

“Clockwork…?” asked Danny, weakly, confused and overwhelmed by the sudden flood of affection.

Poor little one, whispered the avatar, this is what happens when matters are not properly attended to. The Vultures should know better, should take care of him properly… It pressed its forehead to Danny’s, startling a squeak from him.

Danny, reflexively, brought his hands up to clutch at the avatar’s robes.

My poor child. What are they thinking, letting him run around so ill, so that he might infect other children?

Clockwork saw Vlad as a child, too. Not surprising, considering how ancient Clockwork must be, but good to know.

That emotion! It was only a shadow, and even so-!

“Emotion?”

Hatred, hissed Clockwork’s avatar.

The collar around Danny’s neck constricted, a tighter, more Loving, more comforting, hug. Danny gasped, although breathing here was psychological rather than physiological. The cloth of the avatar’s robes began to wind up Danny’s arms.

Even the pale, human shadow of it is not something you should experience, my child.

Danny didn’t like being that angry, but—

Even the concept of it is too much, too heavy. You should not have to bear it. I should not have overlooked it. The avatar’s hands moved to the back of Danny’s head, pressing his face against its shoulder. It must hurt you so,murmured the avatar, carding fingers through Danny’s hair. Fear not. I will excise it. All of it, even the idea of it shall not touch you, shall not sully your thoughts.

The avatar stepped away.

“Wait!” shouted Danny, panicking.

Not being able to hate? Danny had mixed feelings about that, but he doubted he’d be able to talk Clockwork out of it, not with how damaging Hate could be. In the end, it wouldn’t be that much of a loss. Not being able to understand that it existed? Not being aware of hate at all? Being unable to understand that, sometimes, people would go out of their way to hurt one another?

That was dangerous. That would render him unable to even begin to comprehend vast swathes of human history and humanity.

“If I don’t know what it is,” said Danny, “if I don’t know that it exists, how can I protect myself against it?”

A gust of wind blew through Clockwork’s sepulchral hall like the sigh of a giant. It is my duty to protect you, my child.

The sheer possessiveness of the words lingered on Danny’s skin. He wanted to lean into them but held his imaginary breath.

But very well.

Danny let himself relax, slightly, even as the avatar walked to somewhere he couldn’t see, its silent footsteps giving him no clue as to where it was. With only the constant, regular hum and tick of Clockwork’s gears to stimulate him, it was hard for Danny to stay vigilant. He found himself drifting, his thoughts wandering.

Did his hatred of Vlad cause him pain, as Clockwork said? What was it going to be like, to not be able to hate at all, rather than just not being able to Hate? Would he still be angry at Vlad? He hoped so. The man deserved it.

Two points of frigid cold touched the back of his head, contracted into a single point, and pulled. Danny felt something within him come free, and he sagged as much as the chains would allow him.

The avatar walked back into view, and Danny recoiled from the thing he was carrying, clasped in a long, silver pair of tweezers. “Is that,” started Danny, before he swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry. “Was that in me?”

Yes, said Clockwork’s avatar, lowering it into a small, jeweled box. Danny felt relieved as soon as the lid closed on it and he was no longer forced to look at it. At the same time… Fear not, said the avatar. I could never destroy something of you. It will be remade into something more useful.

Danny nodded as much as he could and shuddered. He felt… dirty. Unclean. Just remembering what he’d felt, what he’d thought… It left a deep sense of wrongness.

Come, said Clockwork. I have just the thing for that. You are due for a bath. A cleansing, inside and out.

The metaphor of the chains fell away, leaving just the one, usual, slack one. Danny knew Clockwork could call them back at any time, that, in truth, they had not gone anywhere at all.

“What about Vlad?” he asked, twisting his hands around the hem of his shirt. “And my friends? Can you help them? Please.”

He felt Clockwork examine him appraisingly.

Perhaps the bath can wait for another day.

The mirror was a portal, tall and wide as a door, glassy surface gleaming with otherworldly light. The edges were crimped, filigreed, flared. Beyond the reflection, Danny could just make out the suggestion of movement.

It is not real, said the avatar, putting a hand on Danny’s shoulder, but a might-have-been.

“But I can find a way to fix things in there?”

The avatar did not answer. A prickling feeling rose up inside Danny, settling in his stomach. Somehow, this felt similar to when he’d eaten the mirror with the bad future.

It is,confirmed the avatar, briefly nuzzling Danny.

“Why?” asked Danny, just a little horrified.

Is it not satisfying to complete two tasks at once? I told you, back then, that our next task would be to remove those presents that seek to exclude you.

Danny didn’t understand.

You will. Clockwork’s avatar paused, as if thinking. This is what the Vultures should have done for young Vladimir, although they would have accomplished it differently.

“Oh,” said Danny, trying to wrap his head around that.

Clockwork’s avatar nudged him forward. Follow the chain when you are ready to come home.

Danny wasn’t connected to anyone in this might-have-been world. It was odd, watching every eye slide off him as if he wasn’t even there. If he wanted to interact with someone directly, he’d have to put a lot of force of will into it.

It was strange. Other than that, everything here seemed perfectly real. Not imaginary at all. The sun shone. People spoke to one another. The grass crunched under his feet.

The University of Wisconsin-Madison lay before him in all its questionable glory.

He’d have to find Vlad and his parents. They had rented a small lab space for their experiments with the Dream and research into the others.

Normally, he’d follow his connection to them to find them, or the disturbance Vlad made in the dream, but neither of those things existed, now. Not yet. Danny didn’t exist yet.

He could just wander, try to seek out questionable lab space, but the university’s campus was large. Normally, he’d ask for directions, but…

Yeah, the no one being able to see or hear him thing really didn’t allow for that.

But there was one other thing he could try to do, one other thing he could try to sense. Their experiments. They should send waves across and through the Dream.

He let his eyes drift closed and walked blind across campus. When he opened them, he was in a lab, watching his parents and Vlad working on a kind of magic circle, inscribed with runes.

A portal, intended to let humans directly access the Dream. A portal that had created Vlad, all because he leaned too close, watched too closely, seen too much, became something else, changed.

Something like anger stirred under his skin. After this, his parents had continued to experiment, continued to try to reach the Dream, to create a weapon against the others, and in doing so both doomed Danny himself and Amity Park by making what amounted to a highway for the others to come to the real world.

But they hadn’t intended to do that, he knew. They’d been trying as best as they could to fix things. Had been trying to defend the world the best they knew, portal or no portal. And speaking of the portal… If others could damage human sanity, if Danny, small and weak and almost-human as he was, could damage human sanity, then how much more could a direct link to the Dream do? Discounting, of course, that normal dreams could lead to the Dream… That connection was more tenuous. Filtered.

His anger was a distraction from what was really bothering him.

These people, they looked like his parents. They were his parents. But… they weren’t. There was no attachment there. Nothing. It was like looking at empty shells. No Love.

It was distressing.

He watched, waiting, making note of the symbols and the placement of the ritual objects and the technological enhancements. There had to be something here that would help explain why Vlad was having such a hard time, while Danny had transitioned to his present existence without much problem.

He leaned over his not-mother’s calculations, then his not-father’s, made note of the differences. Looked at the fire, the knife, and the carved cylinders. Some of them didn’t feel quite right. One of them had been nudged out of alignment by a soda can put down by not-Jack, shifting the circle, making it bigger. Could that be something?

Vlad leaned over to examine the circle, and, at the same time, not-Jack pushed a button on the tape player, which started chanting. Danny could feel the hole boring into reality before the first syllable was finished. They’d made the portal both too well and too poorly.

Danny reached for Vlad and pulled him back, out of the way of the opening portal.

Danny may have made a mistake.

He’d saved Vlad from becoming other. In doing so, he’d changed things, altered this entire make-believe world. The way the story was progressing was no longer the same as his own. Which meant that it might be useless for collecting clues for fixing Vlad, Sam, and Tucker. Mostly Sam and Tucker.

(He’d help Vlad if it wouldn’t hurt his friends, he didn’t hate the man, not anymore, didn’t desire his suffering. But his friends were, of course, his main concern.)

But he couldn’t just leave. He’d made note of all the flaws in the portal, but that wasn’t in any way conclusive, wasn’t a guarantee.

And, in the meantime, his not-parents and not-Vlad had continued working on the portal, which they hadn’t shut down, unlike in the proper timeline. Or had it been disrupted by Vlad? He didn’t remember the exact sequence of events. His parents had never been clear.

But the portal was on, it was working, and it was wrong. Everything was wrong. The portal was in a class of things that should-not-be.

Just like Danny, in this world. He… With the portal, and the way things were going, he shouldn’t exist here, the butterfly effect would keep him from being born, and he was becoming painfully aware of that fact. Literally painfully. It was starting to hurt, being here, a throb in the back of his head.

Or was that the portal?

Either way…

(He couldn’t shake the suspicion that he was breaking things just by being here. Everything was going wrong. So many little accidents.)

(Or was that the portal?)

He kept watching.

It had been… a while, now. It was easy to lose track of time like this, with no one to talk to. Days? Maybe? He’d been drifting, which should have been troubling.

Maybe he should go back. Cut losses.

(Besides, it was disturbing watching his parents flirting with each other. And Vlad. Even if they weren’t really themselves.)

Then his parents wheeled in a… What was that? He walked closer. This was about the same size around as the pillars that had done this to him.

Danny would never forget those, after all.

Something hummed inside him, picking up a kind of resonance between the active portal and the pillar.

The ground fragmented beneath his feet.

Reality followed soon after.

He found himself nowhere with nothing. Only nowhere and nothing.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.

What had he done? He’d, he’d destroyed a world, he’d—

There was a gentle, but insistent tug on his chain. He followed it home.

He clung to Clockwork’s avatar, gasping, as if he was the only real thing in the world. His emotions were too much, too great, uncontained and roiling. They battered him like a stormy sea.

It’s alright, it’s alright, comforted the avatar. It wasn’t real, and now it never will be. All those worlds where you would not be. All gone.

No. No. No. Horror buzzed in his brain. He couldn’t have destroyed so much.

Never were,continued the avatar, Clockwork apparently oblivious. All disproven. Paradox. You could not be and yet you were. You were in the places you were not. So, now you exist, in all these places, in everywhere that could be, and always will. It stroked Danny, brushing away tears. Only one more to go, until you never were not, my beloved child, until you always were mine, as you were meant to be.

Danny keened into the robes of Clockwork’s avatar, distraught. Wind ruffled his hair.

Considering the point in time in which you were placed, said the avatar, Vladimir will be well again.

Danny looked up, hopeful for the first time in hours.

Mostly. The underlying cause has been removed. You should bring the rest to your… progenitors. They are at least competent in this area.

Danny nodded vigorously and attempted to extract himself from the avatar’s grasp. He was unsuccessful, although the avatar did adjust its grip on him.

You have had a difficult day, it observed. It then presented Danny with a cookie.

Confused, Danny took it.

A gift, said the avatar, Clockwork having evidently returned to his normal laconic mode.

“What’s it made of?” asked Danny, suspicious.

Love. What else?

“How do you feel?” asked Danny.

“Weird,” said Sam. “But okay.”

“What was it like?”

Sam shrugged. “It was like…” She waved her hand. “Watching a thousand different movies of my life, but they were all wrong. Like if they were crappy biopics done fifty years after I died or something.”

“Speak for yourself,” grunted Tucker. “I just got a lot of sand. So, so much sand. And sun. Do I have a sunburn?”

“No?” said Danny. “You look fine.”

“Ugh, I forgot you were white. You don’t know what sunburns look like.”

“I’d argue,” said Sam, “but you’re not wrong.” She fell back against her pillows. “I just want to sleep.”

“Same,” said Tucker. “I never want to see the sun again.”

“We’ll make a goth of you yet,” joked Sam, tossing a pillow at him.

“Okay,” said Danny, backing away. “Should I get the lights?”

“You don’t mind?”

“Sleep well,” he said. He hoped they would.

(Because he would not.)

#danny phantom #loved #eldritch abomination AU #dannymay #dannymay 2021 #dannymay day 3: portal

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