#on grieving

[peachyyykat]

kaveh akbar, 'calling a wolf a wolf' // doc luben, 'love letters or suicide notes' // @/nutnoce, tumblr // 'my body's made of crushed little stars', mitski // @/ojibwa, tumblr // 'spring', mary oliver

#poetry #web weaving #webweaving #on wanting to be someone else #on grieving #quotes

[lttledog]

Preface to Grief Lessons by Euripides, translated by Anne Carson.

#preface written by anne carson of course #anne carson #writing #grief #dealing with grief #grief poetry #web weaving #web writing #word weaving #euripides #anger #on grief #on grieving #on anger #quotes #quoteblr #dark academia #booklr #dark academic aesthetic #spilled ink #literature

[lovely-abeille]

cassandra: a novel and four essays, christa wolf // guren no yumiya, AmaLee // i only say i'm sorry when i'm wrong now, cheekface // f. scott fitzgerald

#web weaving #web weave #parallels #lyric parallels #song lyrics #fragments #poetry fragments #dark acadamia quotes #literature #lit #poetry #poem #quotes #on grief #on grieving #on sadness #on heroes #heroes

[akindplace]

It's okay to mourn who you were, or who you idealized you'd become. It's okay to grieve whatever opportunities your illness took from you, but don't let that emptiness become all you have, or make you believe nothing good will ever happen to you, that life is only worth living if you were able-bodied. Don't believe for a second you are less of a person for not being able to accomplish all you envisioned. Don't believe you are unworthy because society values unhealthy productivity. Don't find yourself mourning your own life, believing that it will have nothing but misery in it. Allow yourself to go to the process of loss and grief, but don't let it consume your whole life. You will find other ways to be happy, to feel active, to feel alive, even if it seems like it is taking too much time. Things start to get better little by little once you go through the process grieving.

#grief #on grieving #self-acceptance #self-worth #life with disability #life with eds #original writing #reassurance #reminder

[ever-sempiternal]

From My Drafts

#words #my words #spilled words #quote #quotes #depression #anxiety #pain #hurting #grief #mourning #grieving #grief/mourning #on grieving #loss #on loss #on life #on loneliness #on pain #on growing up #adulthood #writing #my writing #writers #writers on tumblr #writer #it's very good :/......

[nashira]

seen a tiktok that said "I grew 25 years older but so did my parents" please do not attempt to contact me I am beside myself grieving

#my mom is almost 70 I'm gonna vomit lol! #oh my god there's so much life ahead of me. oh my god there's so little life ahead of her #typical normal tuesday things #poetry #spoken word poetry #poetryblr #poetblr #writeblr #writers on tumblr #poets on tumblr #spilled ink #original poem #wlwocpn #wlwocpoetrynet #wearywritersnet #web weaving #<- i know this isnt a web weaving post in itself but . you have to understand i am having Feelings #on love #on grief #on grieving #on family #on death #on self #on aging #webweaving

[shallowseeker]

The death of Jack, the rise of the Evil Shadow-Child:

Jack dies.

On the battlefield, TFW is overwhelmed, and Cas more easily takes on the role of acting commander. This makes good sense to me, as angels are codified by open war, and hunters are more associated with guerilla tactics. The way the spirits hit look like bombs, further underlining the battlefield motif.

Cas calls for them to follow and cover him as they try to get Jack to "safety," as if they're still moving on heroic muscle memory.

As if things will be fine.

Cas takes Jack in a "fireman's carry." This emphasizes his strength and protector status.

Even though Sam and Dean clear the way ahead, at some point Dean drops back to run with Cas, covering his peripheral.

///

Inside, they're reeling. Not processing:

Cas looks away. Dean will do the same shortly, hiding his grief.

Dean's chest starts to heave after he looks down.

Meanwhile, Sam...bargains. Hopes Cas can fix it. (This recalls when Cas died, and Sam asked Dean: "What about Cas...is he really dead?")

Here, he looks to Cas to make things better:

Sam's chest breathes heavily in disbelief, like it's hitting him for the first time what's actually happened.

///

Meanwhile, Dean looks for someone to blame, trying to find a common enemy as a rallying point. He's also in fact trying to re-establish a connection with Cas for support and comfort. (But there is no comfort to be had here.)

His distress comes spilling out as anger. To me, it reads as irrational, panicked spousal anger. Cas is the one who makes it okay. "What do we do Cas?"

We get my favorite Dean-Cas sniping at each other. When one doesn't know what to do, there is appealing to one another + frustration.

["I don't know / I don't know what's going on here / I didn't know this would involve ingesting some magic sphere and disappearing, Dean!" Etc. (Cas has been doing this since at least season 6, and vice versa). TFW appeals to each other in general when they're lost, but the Dean-Cas appealing is typically a very emotional appeal.]

///

And here is the glimpse of aborted grief.

...followed by rationalizing and denying culpability: "Chuck. Man, I knew it." (It's like the script says: He didn't. He was wrong. He trusted the wrong person. It's like Metatron. Like Gadreel. Rinse, repeat.)

Jack's death hurts.

And it also hurts to be wrong.

Placing and displacing blame on Chuck allows grief to be sidestepped. Since Dean cannot face the weight of that grief, he turns to revenge. (Like how John could never look directly at Mary's death. Revenge is a shield against reality, delaying grief and intense emotions.)

So, Sam. Sam hops into solve-it mode:

Sensing a potential escape, they work to move the stones. Of note, they struggle with the stones. This is building towards the Evil Child motif, because like the fireman's carry, it serves to highlight Castiel's protector and strength imagery. Cas's difference in strength is usually hidden away by narrative mechanism, but here it's allowed to be more obvious.

Sam and Dean having to work together to drag the stone away from the wall, but when a zombie tunnels through, Cas just--

Cass nods-- welcome. Dean rises--

///

Side note: If Dean is playing the blame game in response to Jack's death, and Sam is in problem-solving mode, Cas grief gets channeled into stoic violence. We'll see this again when he absolutely obliterates Belphegor and "brutally" stabs the djinn. Like with Lucifer, his power is actually accented by anger. He is simmering, unable to do the peaceful things (healing, control, discipline). However, when he's angry? HIs powers almost work too well.

Instinctually, I think Cas pulls his powers back when he gets strong emotions, lest he become like Lucifer or soulless!Jack, powering it into a, to quote the 15x03 script, "rage kill."

Being gentle towards his loved ones, dutiful, and reserved is his emotions is something he seems to pride himself on. He doesn't want to lose that, so he steps away--distances.

///

And finally, we get Belphegor, the ultimate grief delaying tactic. His appearance functions to delay the reality of Jack's passing further:

CAS: That's not Jack. That's a demon.

And yet...it looks like him. It's almost like Jack's still alive--

But Belphegor is a false notion.

He's a shadow anxiety. Not "real," in a sense. It's authorial interference, superimposing discomfort on an already terrible trauma. Jack has been recently soulless, he's killed Mary, and Bel is a natural outcropping of every toxic anxiety you can think of.

///

The first thing Belphegor does is dons sunglasses.

He puts on the sunglasses to hide the reminder of his death, of course, but in doing so he also becoming a dark reflection. Jack reversed. Evil child. Changeling. The dark reflection of Jack contains all the shadow-family-unit anxieties--

--and most of those are focused on Dean and Cas, not Sam.

(Why? You know why.)

[Symbolically, sunglasses give you self-confidence and freedom to act against your personas. They hide our insecurities and our pain.]

Belpheghor will directly embody the narrative's trite cliche of "dark family" -> Freudian pop-psy shadow:

(a) The protector-father Cas "is muscle." But ultimately, he's a rival to be barraged with hostility and supplanted. That's why Bel's motif directly parallels Godstiel's past actions.

(b) The [other father] Dean is an object of desire to be admired and possessed: "You're gorgeous." Ultimately, he wants to drive the protector-parent away so he can suck up all the attention from the parent he admires.

There is no scientific basic for this particular pop-psy, and I find it something of a cliche/overused/overemphasized in media (to say nothing of what the flawed case studies usually reveal about the analysts themselves), but I do think Bel taps into this narrative anxiety as the "Evil Child / Supplanter."

It's a trope. If Bel were to become a recurring characters, he would narratively resolve by identifying with the object of hostility and subsequently abandoning the desire of false fixation. (Like how in Amara's case, healthily identifying with her hated brother and understanding his actions allowed her to abandon her Civil War-type aggression and see through the falsely constructed love object, Dean.)

But in Bel's case, he's not a recurring character. He's a falsity, a doppleganger. This false image is simply killed, and the Enchantment of Delayed Grief breaks. Jack's death has no root in this false construction of "secret psy-pop drama." Instead, it's a tragedy.

Nevertheless, AS a trope, it's a flashing neon sign that Bel pretty much...doesn't pay Sam a lick of attention, lol. This motif underlines that while Sam is a mentor type of parent, he's more of an older brother who shares in the village caretaking, not the root material for a pop drama the way that Dean and Cas are.

///

Anyway, OVERALL, Bel is just a symbol of anxiety in the viewer.

For the characters, he's simply a delaying and denial of reality . When Bel dies, Jack's death becomes real, and the grief is all the worse for the delay.

#belphagor #on grieving #aborted grief #incest mention #just to be safe #even though it isn't #that's not how shadow anxieties function #they're there to elicit discomfort #mcd death #jack kline #jack's death #belphegor as shadow jack

[catmint1]

Grief is different. Grief has no distance. Grief comes in waves, paroxysms, sudden apprehensions that weaken the knees and blind the eyes and obliterate the dailiness of life.

Joan Didion, The Year of Magical Thinking

#quotes #joan didion #the year of magical thinking #grief #on grief #on grieving #text

[misscrazyfangirl321]

Thinking about... Grieving the undead.

#i speak #this sounds like a vampire or zombie post but it isn't #grief #technically 'grieving the not dead' would be more accurate but i like the sound of undead better

[iwishididntseeit]

and i grieve for the death that he has yet to experience, for he is not dead, but he will be one day

#on death #on grieving #words

[allthewhumpygoodness]

Big fan of when a character's grief/trauma/guilt manifests as physical symptoms. Big fan of characters keeping things so tight inside them that it makes them sick. Big fan of when the line blurs between a character's mental trauma and physical illness until it's hard to tell which is which anymore.

#whump #k once i did a fic where a character had pneumonia #and also was in Big Mental Distress and mentally going over all the people he'd lost in his life etc #and i gotta say i'm proud of myself for bringing up the recurrent motif of his chest being pianful...like is it from being sick & coughing #or bc he's grieving so badly it's putting him in physical pain #ANYWAY

[grapehyasynth]

I really feel tremendous grief for friendships that kind of petered away in the face of life's currents. There are people with whom I formed deep, unique, vibrant, life-changing connections, and then we had to go our separate ways and it was too hard to maintain long-distance. There wasn't a fight, it just sort of faded. And I feel like I have more friendships like this than friendships that have endured, so maybe I just have to get used to it. But if grief is all the love we have left over - well, I never did get to finish loving them. I love them, and I miss them, and I probably always will.

#this is a lot #but i just keep finding myself deeply grieving so many past friendships #that are maybe beyond rekindling #but that were so deeply special and important to me at the time #damn #i just hope they're all well and i wish we could hang out

[prasastidhini]

It is only a short trip. Enjoy (every second) of it. Be kind.

#on grieving

[noctisvixen]

//CW: Animal Death

Since Jellie has passed away today, I want to share some pictures of her that I have collected. I know its a very sad day for us in the fandom, but I'd like to share these so we can remember the happy times we had with her.

She's always been my favorite cat to get on Minecraft, even before I discovered Scar and Hermitcraft. Learning she was based on a real cat was amazing. Knowing she lived such a long life with such a wonderful person who inspires me (and so many others) so much is a comfort to me.

My condolences to Scar and his family, and may Jellie rest in peace.

#cw animal death #vixspeaks #goodtimeswithscar #gtws #gtwscar #jellie goodtimes #jellie #I may share some more pictures later #but for now please take these and grieve in any ways you need to

[ever-sempiternal]

From My Drafts

#words #my words #poem #poems #poetry #depression #anxiety #grief #mourning #grief/mourning #grieving #escapism #hurting #pain #on depression #on grieving #on suffering #suffering #on escapism #on pain #on life #on suicide #writing #my writing #writers #writer

[shallowseeker]

Grief is incredibly odd.

You see, a very irrational part of Dean's brain sees that when Cas smote Belphagor, he killed Jack.

He made it real.

#spn parenting #on grieving #spn 15x03 #Cas is not allowed to do that #Dean expects him to save Jack even now #it��s messy #it's confusing #and it makes no sense #dean/cas + trial separation #dean/cas #jack & dean #dean stuff #grief stuff #cas stuff #jack stuff #tfw deaths #jack & cas #jack & dean & cas #dean + grief #cas + grief #dean/cas + martial dyad #shal meta #spn belphegor