#never having the chance to express and show how I really am but instead acting like a silly moron to protect myself from getting hurt

[sonic06apologist]

Really starting to think that that thing called climate change might be real

#it is real I’m wording it to sound stupid cause I have to sound stupid so ppl don’t know how serious I can be #i use humor and acting stupid as a defense mechanism to keep ppl away from forming meaningful emotional bonds and relationships #maybe this is why every relationship I’ve had never lasted #never having the chance to express and show how I really am but instead acting like a silly moron to protect myself from getting hurt #what if it’s the way I act that is actually hurting others and that’s why I lose them #maybe it was my fault in all of those relationships and I need to work on myself #will I ever know when I’ll be ready again for love and have a chance again with a woman? #do I even deserve love while I’m still trying to find who I am as a person? #maybe I need to learn to open up not just with my friends but with myself

[winters-dream]

For everyone who wanted a part two 💖:

part one

Villain stood in their lair, their eyes trained on their TV as the news played on the large screen. The news anchor had just announced the death of the city’s beloved Hero, and Villain almost wanted to let out a haughty laugh as they turned to face Hero who sat comfortably on their couch, very much alive. 

Hero watched the news silently as the anchor gave a rather dismissive farewell followed by a montage of their work. They stared at the screen blankly, their face void of any emotion as civilians were given a chance to recall their memories of the Hero.

Villain turned the TV off, cutting the news report short as they stared down at Hero, sitting silently on the couch. They sat with their knees brought up to their chest, staring blankly at the TV, seeming unbothered that Villain had shut it off. 

“Are you okay?” Villain asked. They sat down beside Hero, careful to leave some space between them, still unsure how to act around the one they used to share their deepest secrets with, the one who’d kissed their worries away, shared a million ‘i love you’s with. That all disappeared when Hero lost their memory.

Hero gave them a minute shrug, resting their chin on their knees. “The whole world thinks I’m dead. The news said so.” 

Villain gazed at the Hero, guilt wracking their every nerve as they stared at Hero’s sullen expression. They softly sighed through their nose as their eyes followed the movement of Hero’s fingers picking at the corner of a throw pillow. 

“I’m sorry,” they said. And they truly meant it. None of this should have happened to the hero. That fight shouldn’t have happened, Hero should have never gotten amnesia. If Villain had just stayed home that day . . .

“Are you behind this?” asked Hero. 

“No, honest,” Villain answered too fast for their own liking, panic evident in their voice. “I promise, I didn’t know anything about it until just now.”

Hero nodded with a small motion, leaning back to relax against the back of the couch. They put Villain’s pillow, now with loosened embroidery stitches, in their lap and resorted to fluffing it instead. The action seemed to calm the hero’s mind so Villain didn’t stop them. Even if it was about to cost them a good pillow. 

“You know,” Villain started. “It's not too late. Your death just now came on the news. You can go out there and show everyone you're still alive. Your memory is still shit, but the agency will be thrilled to see you.”

Slowly, Hero shook their head. “I don't think so. That's not who I am anymore. They're all going to look at me and expect me. The person I was before all of this. They're going to expect me to remember. They'll look at me with disappointment when I don't.”

Their eyes met with Villain’s. “It's the same look you give me.”

Villain shook their head. “I'm not disappointed that you don't remember.”

They lied. Of course they were disappointed. They looked at Hero and saw a shell of who they used to be, the years of memories Hero has yet to regain. The distance behind their eyes where there used to be love. The passion they used to have, long gone. The determined set of Hero’s jaw as they conjured a plan to save the city. Their pride. 

All gone within the blink of an eye.

Yes, Villain was disappointed, annoyed at themself for expecting Hero to suddenly remember. It wasn’t fair to Hero.

“Let’s stop worrying about the past,” Villain said suddenly. “Because who knows if you ever fully recover. Focus on the now and make new, better, memories today.”

Hero shifted slightly in their seat and Villain saw the first glimmer of hope flash in their eyes. 

“You really think I can move on from this?” they asked. "It'll be that easy?"

"Well, no it won't be easy," Villain admitted. “But you'll have me with you the whole time."

They reached out and placed their hand on top of Hero’s. And for the first time since the incident, Hero smiled.

#my own #writing #fantasy #imagines #oneshot #writers of tumblr #female writers #hero #villain #hero x villain #villain x hero #heroes and villains #writing snippet #villains and heroes #villains #heroes #amnesia #memory loss

[yunyunbby]

I'm very Filament Fever mood

I want to interpret the filament fever song using Tsukasa as the POV

I'm doing it per paragraph and using the english translation from the wiki cause the official is kinda a tad bit off.

When I was still young, whenever I started dreaming, my heart would beat faster.

What I'm still longing for, my hand reaches for it.

> When Tsukasa was a kid he always wants to make his sister smile. So "Reach my hands towards the things he longed for" is Tsukasa doing his best to make Saki and people around him smile.

Seems like I can do anything I wish,

In a showtime that resembles magic itself.

Seems like I can become anyone I wish,

Even the hero that manages to make you laugh.

> This part talks about the shows Tsukasa makes. With shows, Tsukasa can be anything he wants. The most important one would be "The hero that makes you laugh".

It's awfully dramatic and sparkly,

But also so lonely...

My feelings are simply doing loop-de-loops,

I'm a total failure, an utterly hopeless person.

I'm still searching for my ideal today,

I wish I could be more like you.

> This can be about Tsukasa behind the scenes. While he can be amazing during the shows, he does struggles by himself. There's some self loathing but he still kept going to be what he wants and to be just like the star Tsukasa admires.

Be captivated by the sensitivity and sensation and shine!

Even if you can't see tomorrow, don't be scared.

At an instance of resonance, the filament illuminates this world! Now!

Let's discover a piece of that talent.

> Tsukasa use his feelings and inspiration to grow. In addition, the feelings will also help him stop his fear and doubts. The filament is use because it can shine the world. That is what Tsukasa wants to be but it's also what Tsukasa can do. He has the talent. Tsukasa is the filament.

Gradually, it's coming true, it's not just a dream anymore,

Won't you be the only one to believe in who I really am?

Gradually, it's coming true, it's not just a dream anymore,

There's a fever rising from my heart, our potential.

> This part feels like WXS centric. The dreams that Tsukasa has is slowly coming true. What he wants is for his trope to support his journey and he wants them to trust him too. As Tsukasa is growing wxs also growing alongside with him.

Running away from the changing flow of time,

I have forgotten even who I was.

But still, I just wouldn't let go of my longing.

> You could say that this is about Tsukasa before the main story. Tsukasa makes shows for so long he forgot why he did in the first place. Thus its similar to him losing himself. But he still wants to be a star. He may forget the main reason that he wants to be star but he never gave up the aim of wanting to be a star.

No matter how many times I throw my hands up in defeat and find myself feeling down,

I still don't want to write a reportage.

Even my feelings, all of them can be placed here,

The expression only I can make.

> Tsukasa struggles a lot but he doesn't want to dwell on it. He used the emotions he has to express himself instead. Aka his acting. Similar with how he did it with his role as Rio.

Be captivated by the spectacle and sensation and shine!

My hands may be littered with scars, yet they aren't in pain.

Delicate yet vivid, the filament illuminates this world! Ah!

I wish that I could say it was chance and fate.

> By growing and overcoming, the struggles Tsukasa has getting there feels like nothing of importance. Tsukasa as an actor is shining brighter and instead of thinking it as a coincidence he manage to get there, he wants to think that he is destined to be a star.

It's not a flashy, eccentric show,

But isn't this exactly what a real show is?

Props and backlights can't deceive anyone,

If possible, let's check their characteristics.

> I'm dividing this part to two since it's long. I kinda think it's about what Tsukasa's shows tend to be. Tsukasa isn't as great of a director like Rui but he still direct his shows. What he prioritize more is the acting and performance.

The show he made isn't high quality as he mention in his latest event on chapter 6. But he still manages to convey his performance towards his audience and that is what important to him.

Don't throw away those inner details,

Though I'm sure no one would notice the difference.

But even fake and surreal things get boring,

So that's a big problem for us.

> The "details " can be interpret as the roles. The characters on the stage. Like how Tsukasa does with Nakayama. He act as Nakayama even in his thoughts so no one actually notice that act that he made but he still doing it.

As for the "fake and surreal things gets boring" I think it means that Tsukasa wants to make the character he plays as real as possible and doesn't want to make his character feel fake. Such as how he doesn't want to just copy other Rio contestants just because he is desperate (phoenix event chapter 6).

Today, again, my heart burns as it lights up,

Such an ordinary thing, yet it thrusts me forward, gets me to move.

The song I longed for, what I've been eyeing for so long,

Ah! To remember it-

> Tsukasa's goal of wanting to be a star is the reason why he keeps growing and moving forward. I just don't know what to think about the song and why Tsukasa wants to remember it tho. What "song" does he want to remember?

....

Anyways that's all from me, it's just how I interpret so it could be different from anyone else perspective of the song.

#project sekai #tsukasa tenma #wonderlands x showtime #wonderland sekai #prsk analysis #prsk theory

[egg-emperor]

Game canon Eggman is pure evil y'all, rest assured to my fellow evil Eggman enjoyers. He's never acted for any reason that wasn't fueled by his evil/selfish intentions. I've carefully analyzed him in all of his scenes for hours and hours for years and years. I don't need to theorize, speculate, or insist on personal interpretations to get to this conclusion because I specifically go by what the games tell and show me undeniably.

I analyze very literally, not abstract or based on how I feel about it, only literally what I can see and hear. I feel this avoids a lot of unnecessary confusion and complication and it can actually be this way and yet still have a lot of depth to it to explore despite this. I don't see appeal in straying too far with the what ifs rather than the literals that are deliberately blatantly presented because the former is when bias can seep in.

But I know some probably think, "If you think I'm biased because I don't like pure evil Eggman so I don't want to see him as such, why aren't you biased for not liking less than pure evil Eggman? What if you're just seeing what you want to see?" But with the way I only go by what's blatantly there to see and hear in the games themselves in bold explicit forms, I feel I avoid any chance of bias.

I don't like to admit this but when I was younger, I had some incorrect interpretations about Eggman. Yes, even me. XD I never thought he was this completely good and caring guy but I definitely didn't have the most accurate understanding of who he was, how he'd act in certain situations, and what he is or isn't likely to say or do. A lot of my own personal biases at the time were to blame.

Years of heavy studying and analysis got me to where I am now. And I realized he said or did the exact opposite in the games to what I thought he'd do or wrote in my silly private fanfics back then. So I started to look at him neutral and unbiased, without expecting or wanting anything specific and letting it influence my perception. Only exactly what I could hear him say and see him do instead.

I rebuilt my understanding into what it is now and ever since, it has stayed completely consistent. Every new piece of media just reaffirms it or gives me new stuff to add that tracks and doesn't contradict the old in the slightest. I'm still having new revelations, discoveries and eyes opened to new things about him but they only further prove, develop, and strengthen my understanding now.

This was all done by me just shutting off these biased parts of my mind and letting the game canon show me who he was, not by my own personal desires and influences. Then I realized I was such a big fan of what I understood him to be, all of my desires turned into loving game canon Eggman for exactly who he was and wanting him to stay the funny pure evil bastard he is. And he does! 💜

But yeah because of that, even though my old perception years ago certainly wasn't the same level as those that spread misinformation of him being way nicer, softer, and morally good than he is in the games, I know what it's like for bias to influence me in some ways. And those little things I believed then are far different from what I know now, so this isn't an example of me being biased lol

I'm very happy that I came to fully recognize, embrace, and appreciate his funny but very much pure evil self! And one of the main goals of my blog besides expressing my passion, is to help people learn more about him and understand him too because I swear, your enjoyment and appreciation of him can grow so much stronger when you do. I love when I'm told I've helped with that!

But if you really don't like that he's pure evil because it makes you uncomfortable, that's fine. But there's a difference between not wanting to see it because you don't like it and what happens in the games. And if you don't like game canon Eggman like that, I have a lot of respect for you if you admit that and just do something different in your fan stuff, without claiming it to be fact.

But game canon Eggman canonically being a funny silly but very evil and threatening bastard man personally fills me with immense joy and it's why I adore him so much. It's endless fun and entertainment! 🥰💜

#hope people don't take this the wrong way as telling people what to do. tried to make that clear at the end #and I'm trying to say that I almost understand the opposite perspective #just speaking my mind honestly as usual #dr eggman #eggman #dr robotnik #dr. eggman #sonic the hedgehog #my post #eggman is evil

[trickstarbrave]

wip whenever

i got tagged by @boethiahspillowbook so here are some wips. art and writing are both okay!!! idk who hasnt been tagged yet so. anyone who reads this and wants to can consider it a tag

first up:

i started shading azura!!! still needs some more work and tweaking. but i rly like her expression (again pardon the nerevar gore he is kinda dead)

also a lil bit of writing!! its not much but. heres from moon and star

moraelyn is such a weird figure. most of the stuff we get is a novel from daggerfall. what the fuck is a witch-king. why are they riding on akatosh. whatever im just gonna make his shit up myself

Of course word would get back to Almalexia. Of course it would. Nerevar hadn’t expected anything less, though he was a bit surprised at how quickly she summoned him. 

At least this time it wasn’t in front of her throne in chains. That he didn’t enjoy whatsoever. 

Ayem gave him a beaming smile the moment he walked into the meeting room. She wasn’t alone--there were several guards present, as well as a chimer in armor emblazoned with a rose motif, alongside a few guards wearing armor that definitely did not belong to House Indoril.

“My, I see you really were named hortator of House Dagoth.” She referred to the necklace he was wearing, the collar emblazoned with the seal of House Dagoth. When Voryn first showed it to Nerevar he honestly thought it was a… Personal gift of sorts, until he revealed it was the necklace House Dagoth presented to all of their hortators. 

“I am.” Nerevar answered. “If you want to talk more about that though, Voryn should probably be present.” A few guards looked flustered seeing how casually Nerevar called a noble by his first name. The man in the rose armor also shifted slightly, gasping as though offended. Almalexia, however, continued to smile politely. 

“It isn’t for that.” She remarked, motioning for Nerevar to take a seat. Hesitantly Nerevar did so, sitting across from her. 

“What did you need then, your Majesty?” 

She hummed softly, closing her eyes as she seemed to be thinking over how to say it, the smile never leaving her lips. 

“You are quite the asset in war, Nerevar Mora.” She began. “You were able to rescue the head of House Dagoth with very few men. Not to mention I know just how well you can handle yourself in combat from experience…” 

“Is there another mission you wish to send me on?” He asked, keeping his face neutral. At his question her lips curled up into a polite, politician’s smile. 

“House Mora has once again requested the liberation of their home city, Ebonheart.” Ebonheart… A city that as the nerevarine he never got a chance to visit. Honestly he wanted to; it had a rich history, not just from the first era either. At that, the man in the rose armor removed his helmet, revealing long, flowing white hair and a serious expression. Honestly, he looked like he’d rather not be there at all. 

“I am Moraelyn Ra’athim.” He said, his eyes looking over Nerevar skeptically. “The nords ousted my clan from our ancestral home, the seat of power for the Mora clan.” He then cleared his throat slightly. “If you are truly the man who her Majesty claims you are…” Nerevar’s eyebrow twitched at the doubt in his voice. “... I would like to ask for assistance from you and your men to liberate my home.” 

Moraelyn looked like he was being degraded having to ask Nerevar for help. If Almalexia wasn’t present, he would have rolled his eyes. He didn’t need to act like asking was just as painful as pulling teeth. 

Instead, Nerevar turned his attention to Almalexia. She wouldn’t have called this meeting without good reason; Ebonheart hadn’t been liberated yet, for good reason. It was the current seat of power for the nords. It would be a risky move attacking them where they would be the strongest. Then again, based on what Voryn has been saying, Wulfharth hasn’t been staying in Ebonheart much at all. Three of his sons have instead taken up residence in the large, nordic style manor that was constructed, and were managing supplies and soldiers. 

Almalexia’s polite smile had shifted to one laced with danger. Almost snake-like and cunning, venom behind her teeth. Not directed towards Nerevar--not this time. Unlike so many times in his past life, he knew this one was not meant for him. Instead she looked eager for battle, forced to stay behind. 

“If you can do this,” Almalexia began, “House Indoril will also name you Hortator.” 

There it was. 

The rest of the room went deathly silent. No one had been Hortator of more than one house--but she wasn’t asking him to throw aside his position with House Dagoth. Instead she was giving him even more power, now the backing of two Great Houses. It was already bold enough that he was named Hortator of House Dagoth without being a proper member of the house; but Hortator of two major powers? 

Nerevar steeled himself, his facade not cracking. 

“If this is what you will ask of me,” Nerevar gave a polite smile back. “How could I refuse?”

#my writing #my art #wip #azura #indoril nerevar #nerevar #moon and star spoilers

[heretherebedork]

Rank your favorite Only Friends from your favorite to...well shitty one. And explain cause you just explain it so much better. (I know Atom is on that deep sea below after what we have witnessed.)

Oh, man, this is so hard. Mostly the top. The top is hard. The bottom is easy.

Okay. Let me try.

Boeing. Look, he is nothing but drama and trouble and I love him. He walked in looking so sweet and like he was going to be the best queer platonic friend and then he lit everything on fire and is going to fan those flames with his lips. Love him, love his wrongs.

Boston. My problematic child. I love him so much. He wants to have casual sex and he's afraid of making connections because he knows he's leaving and he has his very own moral code that doesn't always reflect the rest of the world but does reflect him and he is constantly being judged by the people around him for daring to be a promiscuous gay man and while he has done his fair share of gay wrongs he's done far less than he is accused of.

Sand. My beloved boy who deserves so much. He gave back the money that he was given to help Ray because he loved Ray too much to accept money knowing how much it would hurt Ray and he didn't have a chance to defend himself but he still loves that mess of a man so much but he loves his friends as well (friends being Nick) and he's mostly just doing his best not to drown.

Ray. The problematic babygirl. I love a broken little rich boy. I always do, I always will. The one person in the room who feels the least loved and acts out because there's no other way to get attention or love or affection and who latch onto whoever shows them kindness but doesn't know how to show kindness or love in return because he's never felt worthy of it and so throws money at everything hoping it'll keep people there but hates it all the more for keeping people there because it proves how useless he is.

Dan. The darling green flag. I'm sorry I joined in other people in doubting you, I wasn't sure how to disagree at the time and you turned out to just be a sweetheart. I appreciate that. I feel bad that you won't get the boy and that Jojo is unlikely to give me NickDanBoston because that is my new ideal... but still. You get to be here!

Nick. The red flag sexual. This boy. I really do love him but I also fear for him. He is a disaster. He is a danger to himself and others and the only person he should date is Botson. No denials. No hesitation. Just... date Boston, child, he is exactly who you want to date.

April. Also in the show. She's got no screen time so I've got no reason to hate her but also no reason to love her. But she's sweet and seems like a good communicator?

Top. The one who's trying too hard. I am kind of indifferent to Top. He is... fine. Like, I am not emotionally invested in him at all, frankly. But he's fine. I kind of hope he realizes that he should move on from Mew and maybe, like, find someone else or just exist as single for a bit? Because the way Mew treats him is not exactly ready for a second chance.

Mew. The sanctimonious one. I spent the start of this show hoping that Mew would be manipulative only for him to just turn out to be judgemental instead. That's much less interesting. And much less enjoyable to watch. He thinks he's so much better than all his friends and Top and even Boeing. He thinks he's always right and that his moral code is the Only Good One and his worry for his friends is rarely expressed kindly or with empathy. I don't like him that much but I'm mostly just bored by him. Also, he should have known Boston wouldn't blackmail anyone considering how someone was actively blackmailing him and that Mew knows that Boston's sex life being revealed is something he doesn't want.

Cheum. The really sanctimonious one. The mean girl who thinks she's a mom friend. I just... don't like her. I really don't. I think she thinks she's better than everyone around her except Mew and that she holds a lot of judgements against her friends for not living up to her idea of who they should be and that she is not kind or empathetic and that she should, frankly, take a step back and consider kindness and active listening for even a second.

Atom. The fucker. This boy can go to hell. He wants to hurt Boston for doing exactly what he said he was going to do, lied about him and not only lied but made very specific accusations against him as part of the lying because he was hurt. Atom is out to destroy Boston and has basically destroyed his chance at passing this class and could easily set him up for blackmail at this point (exactly what he accused him of.)

There are so many characters.

#only friends the series #asked and answered #so many characters

[ohanny]

dangerous romance: main couple mania ep. 1

so i love how sailom's instroduction is this is a budgeting king, in debt eating stolen rice porridge. he has a very pre-kinn broke ass porsche-chay dynamic with his brother (?) which is very sweet and also means it won't last five minutes.

oh okay so we get this ship sailing with a wall slam and a classic "do you understand my father funds your scholarship you poor piece of trash" and alksdflkfj

i know i am supposed to see sailom as the victim but he is like full on pete-ing this. he never breaks eye contact. he is like daring kanghan to escalate with his entire body and kanghan did not just go full "since you're my class mate i will be generous and forgive you if you get down on your knees" like that is a) spicy as fuck what the hell and b) going to backfire so hard

HE DID NOT JUST BOW 90 DEGREES JUST TO SPIT ON KANGHAN'S SHOES AND WALK AWAY WITH A SMIRK

he is puzzled by both sailom's actions and by what is happening inside his uniform shorts

honestly, kanghan is the villain here but i struggle to take him seriously as the bad guy because perth a) always looks like he is about five seconds away from bursting into tears and b) has bangs that form a literal heart. no matter how nasty kanghan tries to be - and he tries a lot - the inherent bitch baby-ness just shines through.

literal heart bangs what did i say

this entire car shop sequence is just pure gold for so many reasons. 1. kanghan shows up in his business leather pants looking like he walked off the set of enhypen's blessed-cursed music video and he's driving a mercedes. like honestly, with all that talk i was expecting a lamborghini. 2. sailom's boss actually like... needing some evidence instead of just bending over backwards to please a rich client 3. sailom fucking uno reversing that credit card sneak and humiliating kanghan with the smuggest lil good boy smile and THAT is why chimon is the ultimate snake-cat like he has a face made for scheming.

i am really loving sailom because he keeps his head, is really resourceful and will not take any shit. boy does not hesitate to drag this bastard for filth every chance he gets, beating kanghan in his own game without ever stepping down from the high road.

ooh, we are meeting kanghan's family and they are... both not as trash but also as trash as i expected? like i kinda thought more mafia vibes but if laws of attraction - and real life - has taught me anything it is that politicians are garbage.

on the surface his dad seems almost a jolly good fellow but the conversation with this random girl just confirmed there is something so much darker lurking under the surface. as much as it hurts to have a hyper critical parent, having one who has seemingly completely given up on you can be just as bad.

he's basically been called stupid twice in under five minutes. someone save him.

sailom will not be fooled by a shady ass phone call and neither will he leave a friend behind. this boy will not be distracted by tits with a side of toast. he is a man on a mission.

the way i gasped when i saw this court set up and i have so many questions. do the students just have a cardboard gotham in the basement or - based by the fact we see loose boxes and a shopping cart - did kanghan build this just to prove how big his dick is to sailom ???

chimon's acting is honestly a+ and he is carrying this show. the tension! the absolute rage that is bleeding through! the way he doesn't have to go big with gestures and expressions to convey everything sailom is feeling perfectly - and not just that. you know what sailom is feeling AND you can see his brain working.

kanghan, sweetie, you might want to take a moment and reflect on your obsession with getting this boy out of his clothes and making him kneel.

not gonna lie, i kinda saw this move coming because tropes but god was it satisfying :D the reactions of kanghan and sailom's friends are hilarious (10/10 i am evil tea, he totally ships it) and then the camera pans and you can see all these bystanders just standing stock still, filming giving major horror movie vibes and aaaaaaah

side notes:

i love how his best friend is just "auto." like his parents were "we are poor, naming the kid a vehicle will be fine. no need to bring brands into it."

auto's mom is an actual queen

the teachers are so fucking infuriating but also, that is kind of a sad truth? even when it's not like RICH rich people involved. like for too many adults, it is easier to it off as kids being kids and boys being boys over having to deal with the why and the parents and the drama of it all.

i was bullied in school so like this bubble tea waterboarding makes me feel some type of way? like some of the bullying is very oof-spicy-trope but a lot of it is actually cruel and i really wouldn't recommend this show to anyone who gets triggered by stuff like school violence.

#dangerous romance #dangerous romance ep 1 #kanghan x sailom #episode recap reaction whatever #this show is gonna become a guilty pleasure i can tell #can't wait to witness kanghan's journey into being pathetic

[blackbutler-readerinsertsandjunk]

A scenario where the one(s) Ciel is after revenge for is already dead and gone. Sebastian's reaction to being stuck with Ciel till he dies and even then he doesn't get his meal and how Ciel and his soulmate feel. (I'm thinking they just met shortly before Ciel finds out those he was after are dead).

ohohohoho

At the end of his quest for revenge, which spanned years, CIEL was hoping there would be some kind of satisfaction at the end of it.

Instead, he’s left with nothing but a hollow sort of relief as he looks down at the bodies of the people responsible for ruining his entire life.

Is he glad to have them gone? Of course. To know that the proof is right there, that they can never hurt him or anyone he cares about or anyone at all ever again is a weight off his shoulders.

He’s just angry that he wasn’t the one to take them out of this world. It’s frustrating in a way he doesn’t fully know how to describe.

He’s sure the ride home in the carriage is going to be a long one, full of too many thoughts and not enough words to express them all. When he settles in beside (Name), his beloved, the other half of his soul (which will get to exist and persist now), he already knows he’s going to be too tired to sleep.

SEBASTIAN gets as comfortable as he thinks a demon can possibly get across from the two of them. It’s a moment before anyone speaks; presumably none of them really want to address anything that’s hanging in the air. It has to be done, though.

“I should have known a little brat like you would find some way to not keep your end of the bargain, my lord.” Sebastian’s eyes flicker briefly toward (Name), then his gaze returns to Ciel. “Shall I assume you’ve told them of our deal?”

“And everything it entails. Which is now a moot point.” Ciel removes his hat and sets it on the other side of him, his free hand being held by (Name)’s. “Am I correct about that part?”

(Name) squeezes Ciel’s hand before looking over at their soulmate’s butler. “… Is that true, Sebastian? Does that mean―”

Sebastian lets out a small huff; Ciel hasn’t heard this tone since the very first days of this demon serving him. It’s been a while since he let the mask slip. “Yes, it does. Congratulations, you’ve solved the mystery. I no longer get to eat your lover’s soul. What do you want me to do, bake you a pie?”

“Shut your mouth, Sebastian. Talk to them like that again and you’ll be relegated to playing hall boy for a month.” Despite everything, Ciel hasn’t lost a bit of his spine to be ordering Sebastian around. In fact, he feels might he might have more authority than ever before. “I don’t care that you’ve known (Name) for less than six months. I don’t care that you’re upset over this. I don’t care. You will not speak to them with anything less than respect, and that’s an order. It certainly won’t be the last one I ever give you.”

Sebastian raises an eyebrow. Clearly, he isn’t happy about the situation. Ciel doesn’t think he’d be happy in Sebastian’s position either, but, well, that’s the chance he took with a deal like this, isn’t it? “Oh, yes. Put your ego on full display to soothe your wounded pride, as usual.”

“My pride isn’t wounded, thank you very much. You’re lucky I don’t order you to carve out your own tongue.” The city goes by outside the windows, shrouded in darkness. Ciel spares the buildings a passing glance and, for the first time in a while, thinks about how he might pass his whole life here now.

“… You know,” (Name) murmurs, “I know it isn’t what you wanted, Sebastian, but I’m glad things turned out this way. Now I get to have a future with Ciel, and you won’t just vanish from our lives. Even if you didn’t like it, you’ve taken care of him for all this time. I’m grateful that you’ll be around.”

Ciel snorts, and it’s the first time since the revelation that he’s felt a little lighter. “Even if he acts like a complete bell-end?”

Sebastian’s eyes glow fuchsia as if he’s barely restraining himself from showing off a taste of his full power. “I follow every single order you give me, only to be cheated out of my meal, and I’m the bell-end? I’d like to see someone else do everything I’ve done since I came into your life, in exchange for the promise of a dinner that never comes.”

“And you’ll be continuing to do it until I die,” Ciel snaps.

Sebastian snarls back at him. “Don’t give me any ideas.”

“Ideas we both know you can’t act on, thereby doing nothing but tormenting you? In fact, I think I will.” He smirks. “Just wait until (Name) and I start a family. I can’t even begin to tell you how many nappies I’m going to make you change.”

(Name) beside him bites down on a laugh. “Ciel.”

The rest of Ciel’s life is laid out before him, and he’s so confused as to what he’s going to do with it when he couldn’t conceive of having a future less than an hour ago.

He may not have vengeance, but he has his life back. And he has (Name).

He thinks he’d rather have those things.

#Black Butler #Kuroshitsuji #Ciel #Sebastian #romantic #platonic #drama #YOOOOOOOOO #he's not even kidding Sebastian is gonna play nanny crow for the rest of his life and change so many diapers XD #one hell of a queue

[differentlyweird]

EJ Caswell Deserves Better

I am so angry at how they handled EJ storyline this season. Never in my life would I have thought that I would be advocating for EJ Caswell of all characters,but here I am.

EJ deserves so much better. All he wanted was to make the play good,so that everyone would get to show off how amazing they are. So that he could stay in Salt Lake City to be with Gina. I know he neglected Gina this season , and that is completely his fault. However all he wanted was to be appreciated and he still didn’t get that. All he wanted was to prove to his dad that he was worth it, and his own father hung up on him instead of telling him. He wanted to prove to Gina that he was going to fight to stay because he knows Gina’s never had certainty.He still ended up being second choice like always. I understand that in season one he did things that were horrible and Nini had a right to break up with him;but he changed and put in the work to become a better person. He has shown time and time again that he will never ever stop trying to be a better person. This season he was so selfless,caring and scared. This boy is 18 years old and had to direct a camp play that was going to be broadcasted to 63 countries around the world. Keep in mind he has never done anything like this before and he still pulled it off.

Also one more thing and I know people might get angry at this. I don’t mean to start an argument nor do I want to be arguing with people in my mentions. But Ricky does not put in the work to be the lead or in my opinion to be with Gina. He is very talented and I do like him but the fact that he doesn’t put the same amount of effort into the show like all the other characters is just disrespectful because there are people that work really hard. I don’t like that Ricky has kind of had everything handed to him when it comes to being the lead or being with Gina I just feel like he hasn’t put in enough work or effort to be worthy of Gina. We know he has feelings for Gina but Gina‘s confession scene needed to be Ricky‘s because Ricky has not plainly said his feelings out loud for Gina. I feel as though it’s been Gina putting herself out there or dealing with her feelings throughout Rina’s journey.I know there’s been build up but I just feel like it hasn’t been handled very well. Regardless of Portwell or Rina. Gina deserves to be told how much she’s loved

Not to mention the fact that EJ has chosen time and time again when it comes to Ricky to be the bigger person. He had every right to get mad at Ricky and Gina,but he didn’t because he knew that he cared about both of them. Whether he liked it or not they were going to be together. He deserves to express his feelings fully without feeling like he’s going to hurt anybody. He deserves to be mad at Ricky even if it’s just for a little while. Even when he had the chance he chose to take the high road.  I hope in season four we see him at community college or something furthering his interest in filmmaking. I really hope we see him thrive and heal from everyone’s rejection. I want to see him confident in himself and his future. More about that here

I want him to know that he deserves to be someone’s first choice. That he deserves to be appreciated and loved. I want him to find his family/people.

If you want to think he’s lesser than Ricky just because he screwed up TWO WEEKS OF SUMMER with Gina, fine but acting like he’s better than Ricky as a whole is a lie

#ej x gina #ej caswell #gina porter #ricky bowen #portwell #anti rina #risotto #team wonderstudy #EJ caswell deserves better #hsmtmts 3 #hsmtmts

[lkenvs3000w23]

Unit 10

This week brings us to our final blog post of the semester. I have to admit I was not really sure what to expect when I enrolled in this course, but I definitely enjoyed it much more than I originally thought.  Blogging is something that I have never really done much of before, so when I first saw how many marks our blogs were worth I was intimidated. However, it did not take very long to learn how to blog and they kept getting easier every week. I am excited to share my final thoughts about what I have learned about being a nature interpreter. 

I would like to start this blog off by sharing a quote from the textbook that really relates to this week's blog prompt. 

"Interpreters help people to develop an ethical sense of their place and role in the world. Interpreters offer understanding and appreciation of our place and role in the world.  They give people facts and experiences so they care enough to help make the story turn out right” (Beck et al., 2018, p. 54).

This quote is saying that in order for an interpreter to help others develop a sense of place in nature, they first need to develop their own. Throughout this course, I really feel like I have developed as a nature interpreter and I would like to use the remainder of the blog to discuss how this course has helped my development. 

I would like to talk about my beliefs when it comes to being a nature interpreter. I think that my main goals and responsibilities as a nature interpreter would be to engage, educate, and connect with my audience.

Personally, I think that the most important responsibility an interpreter has is to engage their audience with nature. A quote from our course textbook says it best,  “People are out for recreation and need restful,  intellectual visions, and not dull, dry facts, rules, and manuals” (Mills, 1920)". This quote is saying that the reason people come out into nature is for a break from their everyday life activities, so they do not just want boring dry facts, they want to be excited about what they are learning. I am fortunate enough that throughout my life I have gone on many different family vacations. On these vacations, we would often partake in day excursions and this gave me the chance to experience many different interpreters. The best interpreters were always knowledgeable, funny, passionate, and very interactive.  They did not just act like it was a job, they would show true love for what they are doing and this would always make my family and I love it that much too. 

I also believe that educating my audience is one of my biggest responsibilities as a nature interpreter. I personally feel like I have a very strong connection with nature and I have always felt the need to do whatever I can to help protect it. Expressing my feelings about how I feel about nature with my audience would hopefully help to educate them about environmental issues and also inspire them with things they can do to help. I feel like this is especially important if the audience is kids because they may be the generation that has the chance to reestablish a healthy relationship with nature and stop the loss of biodiversity.  I would like to use a personal experience as an example. When my family went to Costa Rica we did a day excursion to go snorkeling. The interpreters were very knowledgeable, but they did not just feed us dull facts. They educated us about the importance of our ocean ecosystems by sharing feelings instead of facts.

Connecting my audience is also an essential responsibility as a nature interpreter. It’s one thing to engage and educate your audience, but if they do not feel connected to the topic are they even going to care? With so many people losing touch with the natural world an interpreter needs to connect people with nature. This is not done through sharing dull facts with the audience, but by allowing them to develop a deep personal connection with nature and making them understand why nature is so important to everyone in the world. 

The final thing I would like to talk about is how a nature interpreter needs to know their audience.  In unit 2 of this course, we learned about the different learning styles an individual may have and how that affects nature interpretation. The three different styles we learned about were, auditory, visual, and tactile learners. Therefore, as an interpreter, I would make sure to include all of these styles so everyone in the audience is able to learn in their own way. We also learned in unit 3 how privilege plays a role in nature interpretation. In this unit, we learned about “invisible backpacks” and how not everyone is equally privileged. Someone who is very privileged is more likely to be connected with nature than someone who is not as privileged because of the opportunities they have. This is why as a nature interpreter I will do my best to be accessible to everyone and to make sure everyone has a similar experience regardless of how privileged they are. 

In conclusion, this class had many different benefits for me. One benefit I did not expect was how educating people about nature has reminded me how much I care about the natural world.

References:

Beck, L., Cable, T. T., & Knudson, D. M. (2018). Interpreting cultural and natural heritage : for a better world. Sagamore Venture.

[noodles-n-soba]

Tame a brat (Part 2)

Requested by: @idollie (Thank you for your request! <3 )

Characters: Scaramouche x reader, mentions of the Traveler, Itto, Yae Miko and Kujou Sara

CW: No proofread because I'm lazy (so sorry-), a bit too long (atleast that's my opinion.. but I had inspiration hehe)

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Masterlist

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"Straighten your back. If you even decide to set foot on a battle field with that kind of potato sack posture, you'll be impaled in a second." Your sharp eyes observed everything, no one escaping your judgement today. Another day, another chance to learn and adapt. After the great loss the other day you decided you wouldn't be so nice anymore, they were supposed to win, not getting beat up by a single person from 'another world' or something. Chanceless, absolutely chanceless were their attempts. Who even hired them? Accept them in the association and proceed to throw them at you, you were an S-rank fighter.. But that didn't mean that you could teach them to reach that S-rank too?

"Did someone put a stick up their ass or something.." You threw a short glare at the person who dared to comment something like that, followed up by a smile as you placed your hand on your sword which was still sheathed, emphasis on STILL. Knowing how nasty you could beat people up, they rapidly continued their training without sharing a glance with you. Maybe that was the reason they made you the leader of these hopeless newbies, purely because they feared you, a superior fighter and warrior, never beaten in a fight and quick to act.. Right. Or because of your hidden trait of patience? Who knew.

"Doing a fine job I see?" Compliments? Those were rare from him. You rubbed the space between your eyes as you placed your other hand on your hip, mumbling out a soft: "Thank you". These people really drained every kind of life and energy out of you, how long were you supposed to stick around? And why you again? "Who decided that it would help taking these in for the organization? They suck balls." It may have sounded rude, too harsh and too direct, but you decided you'd speak up what was on your mind, you hated this. "Who knows, they're quite talentless and follow orders directly. Even the lowest animals who can put up a show are accepted, or am I wrong?" Scaramouche answered, tipping his hat towards you. You squinted in response, shaking your head. "As long as someone else tames their for the circus, it's all fine hm?" He gave you a smirk. Catching on his stupid metaphors was one of your specialties, it pissed him off , yet made him even happier to have you around. "I've observed these for a while, and they're really hopeless. It may be you though." Without any emotion on your face you gave the guy a side glance, he noticed your constricted pupils even though there was no change to your face expressions. He let out an amused chuckle, playfully hitting your shoulder which started to weird you out instead of infuriating you. "Your temper is shitty, I'd like to mess with that even more now, but still.. You can't do anything about it." "The fact that you're humiliating me in front of my own men, or the fact I can't punch you in the face?" You muttered dry, Scaramouche laughed heartily in reply. "Both. Really both, you know (Y/n), you're a funny type. I absolutely hate that." Hate? Mhm, sure Scaramouche. He loved it, but never really found the right words to say it and you already realized that. "I.. Was being serious." You cried out softly.

"It's time, do I have to say it too you every single time?" You shot him an angry glare, clenching your fists. "Why are you even here in the first place?! Too lazy to read my reports or something..?!" You snarled, Scaramouche shrugged him shoulders casually as he raised his head to the sky, giving you a side glance and a smug grin. "Oh, I might be. They're always so darn boring my dearest (Y/n), make something nice out of them.. You'll please me way more in that manner." Your entire face turned a shade of bright red almost immediately, standing up straight and pointed to the side. "You can STILL LEAVE!" Embarrassed you turned your face away, looking back to the spot you'd begin your attack any second. "Awh, did I shook you off your cute little throne now? If you'd like a royal spot, come sit on my lap.. Right on my thrown that is.. Isn't that better..?" ANOTHER METAPHOR- this guy.. You were too stunned to speak, your eyes avoiding anything but Scaramouche right now..

The sun started setting, time to strike. You unsheathed your weapon, eyes glowing mystically in the dying sun while your body faced the soon to become blood bath. Scaramouche admired you in all your glory, sharing the spotlight wasn't that bad if it was someone he somehow had found a liking to? "So, are you going to let yourself be commanded by me, or aren't you that submissive today?" Your smirk was priceless, Scaramouche stood up and glared at you. "Hmm, seems that you probably just need me fighting for you.. S-rank killer, you'd better kiss my ass with that title of yours." How the fuck did he manage to let you drop that smirk, your cool look and everything and look absolutely offended and pissed off  in a microsecond?! Damnit!

"Okay okay, go on. I won't let you keep the spotlight for the entire day." He waved you away, you grit your teeth on each other and jumped down the cliff. Right on cue. Your trained men followed you, not expecting too much of them you let them go in front of you like a hoard of pigs. Caught by surprise people of the city rushed away in panic, trying to avoid the hell that fell upon them. Soldiers of the Shogun attacked your soldiers, well.. 'your' soldiers. "What a hopeless scene." You muttered tiresome, rushing past a few of your enemies and killed them off with just a single strike. "Futile, futile.. All so futile.. It kind of bores me." You struck your weapon, the gnosis was your goal today. You were going to win from Scaramouche, you'd be the first one to lay your hand on that stupid thing. You literally walked through the crowd, everyone who passed those useless men of the Fatui and tried laying their hands on you, met with your blade, your eyes only looking straight ahead. How brutally were those soldiers killed, without any honor or anything.. Why spare them the honor? Their names would slowly blow away in the wind and nobody would remember their sacrifice this day.

"Stop right there!" Your sight was greeted by the blonde petit figure, ah.. Of course, they'd be here, with that weird floaty pufferfish. "What a coincidence. We meet again, Traveler.." You brought out calmly to the only one who managed to stop you on your short journey to the Electro Archon. "Are you here to stop me?" You asked, sword resting next to your body, the Traveler took on a fighting pose.. The floating fairy did nothing but fly around panicky, giving you an angry stare afterwards. "I'll make sure to send you back to the world you came from, along with that floating balloon you got there.." You pointed at Paimon with the tip of your sword, a gentle smile on your face. "Floating balloon?! You… You.. Urgh! You'll get an ugly nickname from Paimon.. Uh..!-" Before she could finish her sentence or call you any names, you already were in the Traveler's personal space, striking your blade right for their chest to kill them off quickly. To your surprise they fend off your strike with their sword, staring right into your soulless eyes and grunted. "Putting up a fight, that's new. You aren't that weak." You jumped back, checking your blade it's sharpness for a second and ran your finger past it's back side, this time you wouldn't miss. As the two of you started your battle, you started wondering when they'd make use of their weird elemental powers. For the thousand time your sword met with theirs, this time you tried pushing through, realizing you had enough of this dance. You'd end it quickly, snatch that gnosis and be out of here. "Oi! Bullying one of the Arataki's, is messing around with the big boss!" You shot a quick glance at the side, seeing some bulky guy standing there with a small bull. You gave him a dry glance, shrugging your shoulders. "I hate to think I'd work together with this.. Meatball here, but.. Here I am." You recognized this voice, Kujou Sara. You had encountered her before. "Hey! Who're you callin' meatball here?!" Nothing too special, you could take them on easily. "Oh lovelies, calm down please." Your eyes fell on the pink haired woman on your left, Yae Miko..? Why was the entire party here.?

"This is surely getting interesting, but don't you think 4 against 1 is a bit.. Unfair?" You brought out, landing a nasty kick on the Traveler's knee, making them collapse on the floor. With lightning speed you already placed your blade against their neck, crouching down beside them and held them by their blonde hair. "One move or they're dead."

…

To your surprise Yae Miko had somehow already reached you, keeping you right in her dirty claws. "Electricity moves faster than a blade dear (Y/n) (L/n), haven't you had enough of this already?" This created a chance for Kujou Sara and that other beefy guy to jump in and threat you. Sara pointed her arrow at you while the other guy smashed your blade out of your hands with his own claymore, you couldn't believe you were thrown off that easily.. But again, a 4 versus 1 wasn't that honest. Defeated you raised your hands, a soft smile resting on your face while you let out a heavy sigh. "Don't worry, I'll get my aid soon enough." Yae Miko placed her cold hands on your neck, you shivered at the touch but kept your man.

"You worked yourself in quite some trouble, haven't you.. (Y/n)..?" Your cheeks felt warm, the feeling of embarrassment slowly crawling up your spine to your head while you clenched your fists in anger. "Just get this over with, hand me over my sword or something.." You snarled as you took a quick glance at your most trusted companion, your sword to be honest. Scaramouche simply raised his hand towards you, a grin on his face. "What a tone! And who do you think you are? Lowly servant."

Your squirming had stopped in an instant, eyes filled with betrayal looking up to him as the moon shone right over the plaza and dragged your attention away from Scaramouche. Everyone seemed distracted to he honest, full moon it was.. The clashing of waves against the rocks and a cold wind running past all those who stood there. "Fight." Before you knew it your blade got tossed to you, such a simple yet smart distraction.. But how come they all be so devoted to the moon's beauty? You broke free from the Priestess' grip, finding your place next to Scaramouche once more. "There is no satisfactory in defeat." You mumbled disappointed, he nudged his head to the way leading to the open land of Inazuma. "We will return.. Sooner or later." With that the two of you rushed off, the Fatui still fighting their fight till you shouted "RETREAT!".

Panting heavily you let yourself drop on the grass, holding your arm which was severely messed up by the Traveler. Your back was against a stone wall, your eyes focused of the sea ahead of you. "Here." Scaramouche gave you some kind of liquid in a cup, you furrowed your brows in reply. "Just drink it up, it'll relieve the pain." He snarled impatient, standing on his two feet and watched the sun rise slowly in the morning sky. "So close.. if only those people weren't there..?" You muttered angry, the disgusting drink burnt your tongue and left a bitter taste in your mouth after you swallowed it. "Did you expect them..?" You than asked a bit louder and looked up to him. The boy kept his silence, seemingly in deep thought You sighed and checked your bandaged arm, realizing that this was probably expected by him. "Not exactly, but I thought of a possibility that they'd appear.. Especially that Priestess." Scaramouche looked at your pain filled face, taking the empty cup from you and placed it right on top of a rock. "Next time don't rush off without me. You're weaker than 4 people." You dryly looked up at him, about to say something in reply that'd probably offend him.. But you held back. "… Right."

Out of the blue he placed his lips on your forehead, a sweet and tender kiss compared to the regular rough one's. Your eyes were wide open when he backed off and looked to your face. "Don't make comments about ordering me around next time, you know that I always have the ropes here hm?"

#Scaramouche #genshin scaramouche #genshin #genshin reader #genshin impact #genshin men #genshin x you #genshin impact fluff #genshin fanfics #genshin headcanons #genshin fluff #genshin x reader #genshin x y/n #Scaramouche x y/n #Scaramouche x you #scaramouche x y/n #scaramouchey #scaramouche x you #genshin scenarios #scenario #genshin scenario #drabble #fluff #kunikuzushi #mouche #genshin impact fanfics #genshin impact headcanons #fanfics #scaramouche fanics #balladeer

[kyrodo]

One major flaw I do see in myself is my passive aggression. For example when Red suddenly gives me the cold shoulder for one reason or another, often because I shot down an idea of his, usually one that was a little too ambitious or too big a change in routine, like us doing 30 minutes of rigorous exercise together a day with him constantly stacking on reasons that make it even less appealing than it needed to be. Right so he'll suddenly give me silence for the day and I respond in kind with my own form of it. I'll act cold and formal, I'll play really loudly on stepmania or league I'll smash the keyboard more, or I'll play loud music.

I make it known that I'm mad, especially when I feel wronged in some way, or feel someone's actions are unwarranted or unfair or lack proper communication or chances. Cause I know I don't get things right the first time. I rarely do in anything. I need that time to get used to something or that time to get better at something or build some kind of habit or knowledge. So if someone's perceived anger or pressure at me doesn't respect that then I feel angry.

And the more controlled that anger is, the more it'll show while doing less as far as being disruptive. It'll be clear but it will not be in a way that someone could directly address it. For example if Choskey is being particularly pranky or pressuring during a helldiver mission or he's burning through our reinforcements with friendly fire, then I will purposefully say I'll be right back and take my sweet time coming back. I will give him deliberate space so he can think about things for himself. Or if I constantly see him going off by himself in a mission instead of sticking with me or the group I will do things by myself too and get myself killed until he stops.

I get back at someone one way or another. Or I'll quietly disagree with what they are doing and show it by some kind of action but not one that can be directly accused of being a reaction. It will fall in line with being ok while I'm actually not okay with something. In a way Red does this a LOT partly due to depression and I do notice and turn quietly hostile for it in return. Because if someone isn't interested in talking things out or being reasonable with me then I don't have to be either. You get what you pay for.

And that is my major flaw. Every now and then I do bring up my concerns like how I feel when Choskey shoots me in the back in a game with friendly fire turned on or decides to grill every last mistake I make for fun. And I do pull my punches back for the simple reason that I do understand that is how Choskey likes to play, with bittfish or with his uncle or with his other friends. And he isn't used to people getting upset over it. He used to play league competitively. I see him and bitt hitting each other all the time in games. But I'm not bitt. I'm not joey. I'm not someone that can be treated the same way as much as I try to. It is not how I play. I'm too casual I'm too soft and I just want to feel comfortable when I play. I just want to feel supported when we're in a team.

So that's partly why I always express anger in ways that are quiet cold or formal, because when the banter is gone and Choskey is back to his sweet self, I am ready for it. Because simply waiting until I feel better is often the better option. And in the event anyone does realize I'm mad they'll be able to reflect on why.

I do not enjoy being bullied. I am traumatized and not to mention I've never done well under pressure. I always do worse. I am inordinately hostile when someone does and that anger more often than not needs to be handled on my own terms quietly rather than brought up. So that's what I do instead.

Given how dependent I am on a group being comfortable to fit into, it is probably a good thing I ended up with Choskey's group instead of Ronnie's. Bitt seems to have a good head on his shoulders socially. He'll hit Choskey a lot in games and they'll play fight, but he's always nice towards people that haven't developed that kind of habit with him, towards new people. I know how fragile my ego is or my emotions and pride, and I kinda just want to be a part of things without any added stress.

Extra emphasis on that last sentence.

I suppose my personal rule now is, kindness begets kindness. Banter is not something I need to heavily analyze. Hacking people you just met that you were considering having as a friend or boyfriend is not acceptable. If I have to subject myself to something people normally wouldn't have to, of that sort, is a major deal breaker, and I will not prolong such types of contact. I know how "self aware" I tried to be during events. How lucid I tried to be, but my actions did not reflect it. Continuing an interaction that has already been soured is the worst thing I've ever done in my life. I know how I felt back then. I know how difficult it was to tear myself away so soon when I was still hurting so badly, especially by someone who always counted on me to be looking back at them eventually. It became an expectation and I went along with it well after I was blocked. And that was not a great way to show I could respect boundaries or be a good friend.

But I am beyond that now. I have such clarity and wisdom so many times more advanced than I had back then. My words don't hide behind an additional layer of obscurity for fun or in respect to how someone has always interacted with me. And in turn I can see so much better. I can think so much better. Everything makes so much sense. I don't feel like I'm in some type of crisis that requires an immediate answer to. Partly because I have reasons to be quite happy. Partly because of having a much lower stress job. Partly because the person I love I am not only with but is super super into me and constantly desires to be a good boyfriend to me. Partly because I no longer feel alone. I have a social life in vrchat that I didn't have before that I could always go back to when Choskey is busy or I want to hang out with the other cats. I have such a rich social life now that Choskey is always thinking about how everyone likes me. And in reality it isn't as elaborate as Choskey's. A lot of it is just randos who really like my avatar and voice. But I also have beastner and cattucino and light. I have Red and my sister and Marcus as my boss. I have Red's brothers. I am slowly getting comfortable with Choskey's cousin and friends. And compared to 2020 I have everything I lacked that would have made things so much better. Would have made me less susceptible to what I went through. I have support. I have friends. I have a group that isn't reliant on Red not being busy and having social battery left. I have my own power. I have the adoration of people beyond the people I know because of my voice and avatar.

And I didn't have all that back then. None of that would have happened at all if I had gotten into vrchat sooner. I would have spent less time venting and trying to get the attention of someone who wouldn't talk to me directly, and more time having actual interactions. More time making friends and finding some semblance of a social life to recover what I lost from moving away or trying to burn bridges with Kaybat. Less time embarrassing myself around people that were only interested in having someone to harass and pick on. It helps that I have more years under my belt too. I still say weird things every now and then or pay attention to all the tiny details people normally don't, but I feel like I have more poise. I feel dignified. I feel confident about who I am and what I became. I am no longer looking at posts on the Internet I know isn't about me and taking offense to them. I have so much clarity and security about who I am. Not enough to prevent me from making long drawn out posts but I do enjoy writing down my thoughts in general unfiltered like this anyway. I feel a calm and happiness that very much wasn't possible back then when I was constantly concerned about what I projected online because of how Kay jumped to conclusions and got mad at me. I used to be so self conscious, so afraid of what people think of me that I almost made it my mission to show all the worst parts of me possible simply to show I'm not that bad. And here I am now. Perhaps not doing the greatest financially but socially and emotionally and romantically I am extremely happy. I'm not this volcano ready to spill over but a cauldron with more than enough space in it to boil and settle whatever is inside it. That is to say my angsty teen reenactment has come and gone and is unlikely to ever show up again. I feel that I have progressed in a way that anyone actually paying attention to me in a way that isn't self confirmative would be forced to recognize who I've become. Forced to respect not only who I am now but also who I actually was. What I felt. Why it made me behave the way I did in combination with everything I was going through. As well as understand that no matter how I was treated I found a better place because of it that I wouldn't have found if things happened any differently.

[translations-dark-matter]

Living as an Extra in an Omegaverse novel

Chapter 88

Ha Jin-woong saw two individuals with black cloths draped over them. Especially towards the man whose clothes were disheveled from being heavily beaten, Ha Jin-woong showed his displeasure clearly.

"Such a hassle."

His original target was Yoo Jin-ha. Lately, Ha Jin-seong and Ha Min-hyuk had been getting along, while he himself had been appointed as a foreign branch manager.

That's why Ha Jin-woong had planned to use Yoo Jin-ha to blackmail Ha Min-hyuk. He had devised a scenario where he would ensure that Ha Min-hyuk could never set foot in the company again, while he remained here instead of going abroad. But he hadn't expected that guy to get involved.

And it was Shin Tae-oh's beloved secretary of all people...

"Why go to such lengths?"

He remembered the moment when he was about to lay hands on Se-hyeon but was suddenly interrupted by the appearance of Shin Tae-oh and the beating he received. Ha Jin-woong, who had been hit by Shin Tae-oh's fist without a chance to grab the disoriented Se-hyeon, asked irritably.

He knew that Ahn Se-hyeon was more than just a secretary to Shin Tae-oh, but was it really necessary to go this far? Since I know who I am, if we don't want to make things uncomfortable for each other, that is.

"Do you not know who I am? Do you want to challenge our group? What the hell does this secretary think he is...?"

"Shut up."

Shin Tae-oh's face looked ominous, like a beast ready to pounce.

"You started it, so you have to take responsibility."

"What kind of responsibility are you talking about?"

"The price you pay for threatening my life."

"Your life?"

Ha Jin-woong pressed his aching jaw with the back of his hand, trying to endure the pain, and asked. What I was involved in was just a secretary, and at most, a formidable opponent that I needed to handle a little more carefully.

"If I lose Se-hyeon, I'll die."

Without any intention to continue the conversation, Shin Tae-oh rushed forward. Ha Jin-woong, who had no chance to defend himself against the guy who attacked from behind, received more blows.

Usually, he was a laid-back guy who cracked jokes, but when he got angry, he turned into a lunatic, and when his eyes rolled, he became a complete madman.

The guy who was already a lunatic had become even more insane, making him the scariest person in the world. Ha Jin-woong looked at Shin Tae-oh with weary eyes, and Shin Tae-oh brushed off his clothes. They had rolled on the desk and the floor, making a complete mess, but Shin Tae-oh was proud of having protected his own belongings just from his expression.

Ha Jin-woong, remembering the times he had tangled with Shin Tae-oh, clicked his tongue as if he was already fed up.

"That lunatic won't just stay still."

When the situation became complicated with the addition of Yoo Jin-ha, Ha Jin-woong's face twisted in frustration.

"Sir, there's a call for you from the CEO."

The man next to him asked, holding Ha Jin-woong's phone gently in both hands.

"Why now of all times?"

Ha Jin-woong sighed. He had acted unilaterally without even consulting Ha Jin-seong, so it had to be kept a secret, but the timing of the call was too perfect.

"What should we do?"

"Just stay quiet."

Ha Jin-woong pressed his temples, feeling a throbbing headache. Shin Tae-oh was a lunatic, and Ha Jin-seong was a bastard.

"Damn it."

Whether it was Ha Jin-seong or Shin Tae-oh, both were formidable individuals, and curses slipped out.

"The call got disconnected."

Upon hearing the man's words, Ha Jin-woong turned around as if it was for the best.

"Turn off the phone."

"Then how are you going to call Ha Min-hyuk?"

"Tsk, you have it, don't you?"

With a look of pity in his eyes, Ha Jin-woong reached out and took the man's phone. As if snatching the man's phone away, Ha Jin-woong frowned when he was about to make a call to Ha Min-hyuk.

"The number."

"Sorry."

The man hurriedly tried to find someone who knew Ha Min-hyuk's number, but Ha Jin-woong clicked his tongue.

"Why? Are you going to openly admit that we kidnapped Ha Min-hyuk's omega?"

Trying to assign a task to a stupid guy who didn't know how to use his brain properly didn't work out.

"Give me my phone."

Thinking that it would be faster if he handled it himself, Ha Jin-woong turned on his phone, transferred Ha Min-hyuk's number, and then turned it off again.

"Should we continue to keep them?"

Ha Jin-woong nervously replied as he pointed to Se-hyeon, “Then what should we do? If I release him, I will find out where Yoo Jin-ha is, and what to do with him... That settles it. Let’s not talk about it.”

Just the thought of what would happen if he killed Shin Tae-oh sent shivers down his spine.

"He's like a ticking time bomb that can't be left alone or killed. We better protect him well."

As Ha Jin-woong left, only two men remained. They casually glanced at the two kidnapped individuals before turning away and engaging in small talk.

"Do you have any cigarettes left?"

"Just a few."

"Oh, really? Will you give me a few?"

"Shut up."

Amidst the conversation filled with curses and grumbling, Se-hyeon quietly lifted his upper body.

Although his face was covered with a black cloth, making it difficult to see ahead, it seemed that Yoo Jin-ha was in the spot his feet touched.

Leaning against what felt like a wooden plank behind him, Se-hyeon took a shallow breath. He had witnessed the men in the car suffocating Yoo Jin-ha by covering his nose and mouth with a handkerchief until he lost consciousness. Knowing that it would be his turn next, he struggled violently but collapsed without strength when the man struck the back of his neck.

More precisely, he pretended to collapse.

"It's not as easy to faint as I thought."

In movies, people would lose consciousness and fall when struck on the back of the neck, but luckily it wasn't the case.

Pretending to be unconscious allowed me to grasp the situation I was in.

I wondered if they noticed that I had regained consciousness, so I listened carefully and realized they were still engrossed in their casual chatter. It was a relief that they hadn't noticed, but the feeling was bitter.

'Timing is something...

While raising a glass with Yoo Jin-ha, we talked about fate and destiny. And just like a lie, it happened exactly the same as what Ha Jin-seong and Ha Jin-woong did in the original work.

"Is this the first time?"

It means that I moved in my own way without conforming to the flow of the original work.

Being in this situation, kidnapped like Yoo Jin-ha, with my hands tied... strangely, I felt strangely calm.

Even the fact that Shin Tae-oh joined the consortium and started to like me instead of Yoo Jin-ha, all those things that made me anxious seemed to have settled down.

"So, this is my destiny."

It was a new fate created by my own choices, just as Yoo Jin-ha said. It was a feeling of creating my own direction instead of following the original work.

So, as for Shin Tae-oh...

"No, Shin Tae-oh can wait. Right now, it's important to escape with Yoo Jin-ha from this place."

To prevent Ha Min-hyuk from coming and taking the blows intended for Yoo Jin-ha.

"But first, I need to seize the opportunity."

I wanted to move when I had a chance to avoid the surveillance's gaze, and surprisingly, the opportunity came quickly.

"Oh, I'm craving a cigarette. I'll go out and buy one."

"What? What if they wake up?"

"Well, we're all tied up anyway, so what if they wake up?"

"Let's go."

"I don't feel like walking all the way there."

From the voice filled with laziness, I felt that it was a pretense of weakness that couldn't be overcome.

"There's a convenience store or a small supermarket within walking distance."

As the sound of footsteps faded away, presumably going to buy cigarettes, Se-hyeon clenched his fists tightly as soon as the surveillance disappeared. The cable tie around his wrists dug into his flesh, causing sharp pain.

Since he had no intention of using brute force to break the tie, he relaxed his hands. Instead, Se-hyeon counted silently in his mind.

"One, two... three."

He pushed the wooden plank he had been anticipating with all his strength.

"Urgh!"

Along with the sound of the plank breaking, a groan escaped Se-hyeon's mouth.

***

"Your phone is turned off after the beep..."

Ha Jin-seong looked down at his cellphone. Earlier, he didn't answer the call, and now it was turned off again.

"This is suspicious."

He thought it might be worth checking what Ha Jin-woong was doing and where he was. Just as Ha Jin-seong was about to be impressed by the strong sound of knocking on the door, he looked away from his phone.

"What is it?"

"Open the door!" A voice shouted, pounding on the door.

"Shin Tae-oh?"

The voice was unmistakably Shin Tae-oh's. How did he know which hotel I was in at this late hour? With a reluctant expression, Ha Jin-seong opened the door.

"What the hell? What brings you here? Ugh."

As Ha Jin-seong asked why he had come, he immediately let out a choked groan as his throat was grabbed.

"Call Ha Jin-woong."

Click, “What?"

"Tell your damn brother to come."

"Why should he come and look for me?"

Ha Jin-seong tried to forcefully push away the hand gripping his throat, but only managed to tear the fabric of the clothing, and Shin Tae-oh didn't back down.

Both men were alphas, and while Shin Tae-oh had a slightly better build, the situation where Ha Jin-seong couldn't remove his hand due to the overwhelming strength difference was unbelievable.

"You..."

"It would be best for you to bring him right away."

In response to Shin Tae-oh's low, threatening voice, Ha Jin-seong stared at him silently, and another person burst into the scene.

"And who are you again? Why are your eyes so wide open..."

Ha Jin-seong sighed when he saw Ha Min-hyuk.

"Ha Jin-woong kidnapped Jin-ha."

Ha Min-hyuk barely held onto his wavering composure, as if it could snap at any moment.

"We need to find out where he is right now. Yes, Jin-ha..."

"Ha Min-hyuk."

While Shin Tae-oh stared at Ha Jin-seong, he called out Ha Min-hyuk's name.

"Wait, the conversation is getting tangled."

"Why are you bringing that up now?"

"If I wasn't going to bring it up, I wouldn't have told you in the first place."

It was Shin Tae-oh who had provided the information that Yoo Jin-ha was kidnapped. Without giving a single glance to Ha Min-hyuk, Shin Tae-oh scrutinized Ha Jin-seong intently.

His gaze, as if searching for any resemblance to Ha Jin-woong in Ha Jin-seong's face, gradually turned cold.

"Ahn Se-hyeon should come first."

So, bring Ha Jin-woong with you, if you want to have a peaceful conversation.

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[icharchivist]

i'm back!! it's been a while since I've been in your askbox, i forgot how nice it was :) and i am having fun! talking about chs 10-21 right now... this will probably be ask 2/3 about winter!

i really loved how everyone just kind of rolled with the android thing, and after suspecting that he was human, still attested that like. okay well whether he's human or android, let's care about him. he's guy, after all. I'd suspected guy wasn't actually an android (though admittedly, I kind of wanted him to be, because like, thats fun, and i have a lot of thoughts on robots-as-humans, but I think it's a bit too high concept for a3... well, real-life a3, at least. clockwork heart can deal with that stuff instead)

but, to that end, I'm glad that they figured it out pretty quickly? like, guy has that "defragmentation" dream, and azuma comes in the next day like. pretty sure he's human, guys, and then it gets resolved from there. I felt like they let it go on for a proper amount of time. i got so excited when one of the ch titles was "defrag" bc I'd listened to guy's chara song before... can't wait to look up the lyrics once i finish act 2! azuma bringing up the idea is also very neat, since he's the one that calls guy "mr. android" / android-san... like it shows, I think, a kind of awareness from him, when he calls guy that? as a playful sort of test like, ah yes, you, an android, which I totally believe you are... it's very neat is what I'm saying. it's really funny that azuma's so confidently like. androids don't dream. I've never read it but there's this one book called "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?" and it's the inspiration for like, the film Blade Runner? so i kept thinking of that every time they brought it up.

i have a couple of thoughts on guy and citron's relationship and his backstory but!! a couple things i wanna address first of course: the play, and the various looks into winter we get

I think it was really neat that guy got to have an individual interaction with every member of the winter troupe! it was such a great way to reflect back on what they'd been through, and a clear demonstration that the a3! writers absolutely UNDERSTAND what they're conveying!! like, it's nice to know that a3!'s story being so good isn't just like, chance or accident--they absolutely have set up winter to me a troupe that's a bit older and a bit more reserved. it's really nice, too, that as with tsumugi saying that they needed to learn how to close that sense of distance, every member tries to offer up information about themselves and bond with guy. they're trying to not repeat the same mistakes! with the android thing, they even overstep a little while questioning guy, and that's like... something they would've never done before! because they wouldn't have tried to push anything.

the homare section probably hit me hardest. i mean, i was anticipating it and all, but it's like... i was proved so right that it hit me harder? like, yeah, homare relates to guy about not expressing or understanding emotion in a "standard" way... that's exactly what i'd wanted to happen! his poem in this segment was also ace. great vocalization the syllables of it sounded so fun and good. i wonder if homare likes to repeat fun-sounding stuff that gets stuck in his head... i do that all the time. like killua's low voiced baaaka. i repeat that to myself just for fun sometimes. i also really like how homare talked about his watch. like, first off, he so easily says that tasuku will fix it for him again... it's just such a lovely feeling of like, homare can trust his friends enough that he knows his watch is fine... how dear! but also he describes this was as "a symbol of sorts of that fear" referring to the idea that he's "broken" and can't function normally in the world and will like... be discarded, right? and then he says that despite that fact, he keep s it with him because it's also part of how he's overcoming that fear of his. I really liked this presentation of it because I think it's one that is respectful of like... my complicated feelings towards homare's grandmother, who loved him, but wasn't kind about the way she did, I think. so I like that he acknowledges the watch for the gift it is but also doesn't shy away from the fact that it caused him pain. I also really like that he said the point isn't to understand but to feel compassion... yeah! like, there's different ways of communicating with others that's not just simple empathy, which I think is so cool.

and then homare and hisoka... along with homare smiling while talking about what a pain hisoka is, his voice sounds so clearly joyful. and homare says that, too! that it's all such a joy.

i was attacked in particular by this moment bc I'd had a small wip from when I'd just finished awakening moon, concerning like... chikage and homare, where they kind of examine their relationships with hisoka and stuff? and there's this bit I'd written where chikage asks homare something similar to what guy asks here, which is essentially like: why do you bother. isn't hisoka kind of annoying the way he is?

and I'd written:

"But you see, the fondness I feel for our dear troupe’s Hisoka… I find it blooms even more when complains!" Homare's eyes twinkled. "An anger that’s sticky sweet and light as air… surely the Hisoka who is more fair is less himself, true? So, to see him as he is, for me, is a great treasure!”

and. putting that up against a3!, which has homare say this:

"I find myself quite fond of Hisoka Mikage, and everything that makes him, him. I would rather not have another."

it's like... the same intentions! so I was absolutely stricken. and as always i love how much homare adores hisoka... like, just before this he's like. yeah hisoka's a pain. and he's unsociable. and like other insults to his character. and then he's like. well. i do love all of that. it's so... homare!! i love you...

hisoka's bit was very nice... and he's right, azuma does need to be protected sometimes. I like how clearly they state some stuff here, it's so cool. on that note I'm so happy azuma's got a roommate now and won't sleep alone. like... that's so awesome. and when azuma tells guy about a bit of his past, guy!! instinctively pats him on the head!! that's WONDERFUL!! i cheered when that happened. i feel like azuma would really benefit from being around someone who's like... just very naturally physically affectionate, and if guy is patting azuma's head on instinct... i bet he'd help make azuma feel less alone. also azuma saying that he used to think of tasuku as someone cold and insensitive... but now he's realized just how sweet he is, that got me!! i think it also really outlines how like. serious nocturnality was. like, azuma and tasuku not being super close wasn't just like. minor awkwardness. they'd kind of majorly not understood each other? which is why that event is so good.

it was also neat that tasuku was like "oh you'll understand tsumugi through acting" and tsumugi said the exact same thing. nerds (affectionate). they're so funny like first off all the fact that according to azuma when they get drunk they just argue about theater together... or like, after tasuku and guy did that impromptu street act, tsumugi was like. how could you not invite me??? and instead of tasuku being like. it was spur of the moment how could i have he instead decided to be like well someone doesn't wake up early enough in the morning! like. they're so sweet. also the way tasuku's like. guy, do NOT ask tsumugi stuff about me. that's a real "old friends" thing you do...

next point on the list: the phantom of the opera!

had to wikipedia the actual phantom of the opera bc admittedly. i did not know anything abt it. i think it's really interesting how tsuzuru leaned harder on themes of revenge in order to make the play work without romance, and i have to say, I think he achieved it! like, from a quick google, the phantom was born with his face being disfigured, where as here, he was burned in the fire of like. competition. so it really changes him from being like. a guy that never received love and is desperate for it, if he's someone who hasn't been like, hiding his face since birth. the phantom being like, “this scar is evidence of your sins" reminded me of skip beat! which I don't know if you've ever read... but there's a character someone acts as, called mio, who's like that.

since tasuku said guy could understand tsumugi through his acting, I have to say I'd agree, because chris here has a lot of qualities that remind me of tsumugi? like, the criticisms of his voice levelled towards him is that it's “delicate, intimate, ill-suited for a concert hall” which is rather... similar to how tsumugi's acting has been criticized, isn't it? it's nice to see tasuku play raoul and be nicely supportive of tsumugi, too. I would be so interested to see how they staged this, like, did they sing the opera? did they get voice samples? did they get someone to play strings for all the opera bits as a way to suggest voice? would be cool to know. there's a line in the play where raoul's annoyed that the phantom has completely Replaced chris’s voice in one of his performances... they kind of drop that line of thought in this abridged version of the play, so I wonder if it'll get addressed a little in the story? i'm excited...

them watching winter's original performance was cool! like, apart form the fact that guy had seen it, which is neat, i imagine it must have taken some skill to play christine. in terms of winter playing female roles, my mind went to homare instead of azuma first, which proves that. we're of the same mind. he's right, anyways--“beauty and art know no gender!” homare can be the tallest most beautiful lady if he wishes...

i did laugh when izumi was like. the phantom in the play hides all his pain and suffering inside, motivated by only the thought of revenge… I wonder if guy can express that kind of emotion?

me, reaching through the screen to place a hand on her shoulder: listen, tsuzuru wrote this. expression may be an issue but guy likely has at least some of these emotions in him. tsuzuru’s a precog about this kind of thing and also probably particularly emotional about citron right now

speaking of, apart from tsuzuru writing the play and chikage getting data from the microchip, spring's kinda been... absent? like, I guess it's because citron is gone, and it's not like we've seen much of summer or autumn, either, but like... i dunno. I wouldn't be surprised if they were concocting travel plans to zafra without telling anyone. mostly because I think it would affect citron emotionally if they were that ridiculous for him. and spring's always been kind of ridiculous... see how they were with itaru leaving, or with chikage, or with masumi at the airport... I think citron should get something dramatic there, too.

while I'm on ridiculous speculation I can't believe citron's brothers are orange, navel, and tangerine. like... really...? do you have a gay cousin called grapefruit, too? like at least citron is citronia, yknow? anyways, like he said, he gets along quite well with his youngest brother, in comparison to the other two. of the little we've seen, his youngest brother seems kind of muku-esque? and citron's always so sweet towards muku... I wonder why that's part of it. like, he was willing to play prince for muku in blazing beachside passions iirc? i think he just values like. having that sibling connection be strong, too.

right but my wild speculation was that orange and navel are soooo hammy in terms of implying, like, wow, citron, I thought you were dead! and saying they hope his coronation goes without...... .... .... incident, so it would be fun and also devastating if the person plotting for citron's demise was actually his youngest brother. just saying.

the two CGs so far were also really really good. guy with the flowers was like... so pretty. and then him having a nightmare was. well he was also pretty there. but it was a good moment to pick. "defragmentation" is literally his character song and his mental turmoil with emotions and stuff is a pretty big part of him. now that he's actually emoting in rehearsal, izumi was like "i'm sure the play will go smoothly!" and in my head i laughed bc hello. we hae 17 chapters left. i don't think so.

and now finally i get to discuss citron and guy's relationship!

first off, it makes even clearer sense that citron speaks of class / status difference when discussing how a clockwork heart relates to him and guy, because he knows that guy isn't even an android. i really enjoyed the little moments of conversation that guy flashbacked to, because they're really interesting in terms of what citron's saying. like when he's asking "guy, why must we always fight like this?" or other things, citron is trying to prod him into expressing his emotions, but he's doing it with this sense of insecurity in their friendship, too. like, he wants guy to have fun when he's having fun, so the relationship feels real and not one-sided. he wants guy to feel sad about them fighting, because it means they care about each other. etc. citron's been so good this entire arc so far... i really love that we get to see him being kind of perceptive and stuff. he's always been that way, it's just more obvious here. and i love that it doesn't really change what we know about citron, too. he can say cutting words towards some of his brothers and tell zafra guy betrayed him, and he can extend so much love and care towards guy by giving izumi that charm, which is a really sneaky thing to do. ah. it's interesting how izumi and guy differ in their views of citron and guy's meeting... guy thinks of himself as a new interesting toy that a prince picked up, and izumi denies that, but I actually think both are a bit incorrect? like, I think citron picked guy as his attendant in a very selfish, kind of bratty move as a prince who wanted friends. and then after he'd done that, he decided to treasure him as much as possible. but that initial meeting... I think it was a rather ordinary spark of curiosity, and then guy became important for citron. which he clearly is, now. I can so clearly imagine a younger citron seeing that message from guy's dad and then committing to trying to find a way to make it work.

speaking of. i was sympathetic regarding guy's mother's worries, because like, hey, she's in a foreign country and married to someone who's not really financially stable in any sort of way. however, considering that her new husband was The Worst, it's not like she was divorcing guy's dad out of concern for guy, I'm pretty sure. it was nice to learn about guy's past, though! the VA did such a good job with guy's initial emotional outburst--it startled me when he got mad the first time! i realized just how much of a contrast there was. also when he cries and instictively calls it oil and homare is like. well, taste it, why don't you? that's such a poet thing to do...

i think that's the sum of my thoughts! i've been taking a few notes on zafra... seeing that it's described as being from west asia, it feels like the writing is pulling from... lets say, flat? depictions of like, i don't know. the disney aladdin kind of vibes. I'm kind of intrigued by the tourism industry being such a big part of the the country, though... like, would citron's disappearance not be more public news? or does no one know the heir until he's been coronated... just some musings. it's very nice that they have jasmine there... it's one of my favorite plants, and in the indian weddings I've been to, we all wear it in our hair. part of the reason I'd kinda wanted guy to be a bonafide android is because I think it would be interesting for a place like zafra to be a really tech-heavy place considering traditional depictions of that region. anyways, I suppose I'll just see what's going on as it develops...

YIPEEE WELCOME BACK!! twice in one day, you've advanced fast!!! always nice to see you back in the askbox ;DD

under cut!

YEAH GOD i love how they rolled with it. tbh the fact it was Winter probably made it easier to swallow i mean. Team "i mean we experienced supernatural events in here, so why wouldn't an android exist". But it's nice that once they had doubt about him being human they still tried to approach it kindly as it is and still were really concerned about him. (understandable though, but yeah, this would be only for Clockwork heart in that regard)

but yeah i do like that it's been handled quickly, and like… it makes sense from our resident night terror guy to look at Guy trying to frame his own night terrors as something else and going mhmmmmm yeah no something is up here. + Azuma being a therapist he was basically having all of the reasons to see right through it. but yeah i do think they managed to keep it up for the right amount of time. And Defrag is such a good song so <33 hope you'll enjoy it once you check the lyrics! And you're so right about the way Azuma himself calls him android-san in a way that's so playful since he's the one person who can figure out just how human Guy actually is. And true about that book, it probably fits the theme pretty much on that regard.

YOURE SOOO RIGHT this chapter really showed the writers are really deliberate in their way to write Winter and it really worked wonders on that regard. Honestly as someone who was pointing those things out before the release of this chapter, i was so vindicated when they kept putting into words what i've been saying all along. I was so happy.

Guy is really in this situation where he has a bit of everyone's struggle in him, so the way Winter had to learn to approach one another is really having its pay off right here with how, now they know, and Guy is joining, and they know how to help him now. it was so so good. In the past, indeed, they would have ignored it. but now they had learnt so much from one another that they were ready to take care of Guy. It's so much to me.

God i was waiting for you to experience the Homare section. you already felt so strongly for Homare with his own focused stories, and you immediately figured Homare should connect with him on the android side, and the story reward you by giving you exactly what you expect. Also loving the little moment of you relating to how Homare loves sound <3 it actually reminds me of how when i was in poetry class in my English cursus, our teacher read us poems in other languages that even he didn't understand, and he said "poetry isn't always in the meaning, sometimes it's just about how it sounds. It could mean nothing, but the fact those words sounded this way is what makes it precious. sometimes it's even better to read poetry from language you don't know, because then when it clicks, you understand the poetry without having to understand what it says". During that lesson i immediately thought about Homare and the fact he canonically has a lot of fans oversea. This is exactly this logic going on here. THE WAAATCH GAAAH THE WHOLE THING. EXACTLY LIKE YOU SUM IT UP YEAH. Like it is all of those feelings that really brewed since MMMBM that it just ends up being so good when Homare can put everything into words like this. it's so touching.

AND YEAH. THE PURE JOY. GAAAHH. I love them your honor……..

AND OH MY GOD. OH MY GODDDDD??? you literally nailed Homare so much that on writting a piece before The Greatest Journey you nailed EXACTLY how Homare would so fondly talk about Hisoka being a pain in the ass (affectionate) and how he wouldn't be Hisoka if he wasn't also a little annoying. I love this so much it's so so good. you totally nailed it.

AND YEAH… The way Homare talked baout Hisoka here just makes me cry like. it's really just, loving him even so, or like, bECAUSE he's a pain at time. because it's so Hisoka, it's so unbashedly him, that it's just so good and just. god. it's adorable. Homare you're so sweet i love you so much he's so loving.

Hisoka's bit was really soft yeah. The fact he immediately talks about protecting Azuma just makes me so teary. Like yeah Azuma does need it!! but at this point where they haven't had big moments aside from how Azuma always take care of Hisoka it's just so so touching. AND YEAH. AZUMA FINALLY HAVING A ROOMMATE. i'm so happy for him. I looked forward the winter rookie ever since Azuma opened up about his night terrors and the fact Guy is the perfect roomie makes it so perfect i'll never stop crying about it. AND GOD YEAH. Azuma both having done so much work he's able to open himself up like this AND Guy being able to give Azuma the affection he needs even though at this point Guy has closed himself from his emotion it's just. it's so touching. As for Azuma's comment on Tasuku it's something that really got me too because, 1) i had the same process with Tasuku back then so i felt it, and 2) this is really the confirmation of just how their relationship in the first winter chapter was genuinely incompatible at the time. Like both of them basically were miscommunicating on their affection language and it really actually put a major divide between them, but since they're polite adults, a lot of people don't really realize that they REALLY didn't get along in the first chapter??? Nocturnality really changed the way they viewed each other, especially how Azuma saw Tasuku, and it was so great and i love that The Greatest Journey just plainly said it. again it was a moment of vindication for me because i've been saying it ever since i've first read Nocturnality and it clicked, and i've seen a lot of people not really realizing how bad it was??? (of course it's not your case, we were discussing it so much back then ahah). I love how The Greatest Journey really show us, well, what a journey it was for Winter to finally come to the same page. what a time.

Tasuku and Tsumugi are such major nerds though god. and YESS they're just so cute i love Tsumugi being pouty about not being able to join. They have such a good dynamic, always. And i love love everything you say there yes. it's so perfect.

And ooohhhh, welcome to the world of POTO i actually had. so many thoughts about Guy being casted as Erik then because a lot of things made sense to me from that moment. So, Erik's facial disfiguration depends on which adaptation you read/watch in general also, so it's probably the reason Tsuzuru picked inspiration from others adaptations. To me it struck me to have Guy play Erik because Erik is not a phantom -- he's a guy, who's basically been made the monster by the people around him so much so he basically believed himself to be a monster. but it's being shown compassion by Christine that makes him realize he doesn't have to be the monster people made him out to be, and it's why he let her go, let his bitterness go. So i kinda saw coming that Guy wasn't an android for the same reason -- he's just a guy (lol) who was told he was an android by people around him, so much so he basically believed himself to be an android. But by being shown compassion, he realizes he's not what people tried to make of him. Also in the original book, Erik once travelled in the (orientalist) middle east and became the assassin for the royal figure of that country, and killed for him and all, until eventually he was considered a liability and had to run away back to Paris, and he's followed by the Persian, a man who is trying to take care of him because of this situation. On that end i think it kinda suck that A3 stuck to it lol but the "became a tool in the middle east to the royal family, but once he came back home he still had people from here showing him affection" is also here in guy's storyline. tho the similitude to skip beat seems cool :oo

In term of Tsumugi=Chris, you really nailed it, it really fits him very well. Ironically just like Chris(tine), Tsumugi needed a little push from good friends and maybe supernatural intervention in order to be given a chance. i think they mention somewhere for the opera, how they did it? so if they don't mention it since then i'll tell you, else you'll see -- however i must address that, to "train", the N cards for POTO are all about the Winter Troupe going karaoke in order to see if they could be opera singers. (also major recommandation of Hisoka's SR Backstage because he's so funny in it it's one of my favorite backstage ever)

Honestly nowadays most of Winter could easily do feminine roles and like. I feel you, Homare would be perfect. Hell, considering he played a woman role recently and he was the most gorgeous woman i've ever set my eyes on, i think it's fair to say that Homare is 100% right and that Hisoka dismissing it is WRONG and STUPID and --

AND HELPPP. Izumi, how could you doubt Tsuzuru? Like sure Guy may struggle, but the whole point is that with Tsuzuru's ability you just need to wwait a little and Guy will connect with it so hard it's going to rewire his whole life. This is Tsuzuru's power. if Tsuzuru wrote it this way, it'll be fine. and you're personally so right about how you word it lmao

"it would affect citron if they act ridiculous for him. and they're kind of ridiculous" this is the best summary of spring i've ever seen. you're so right. They're so overthetop and ridiculous. You know that if they want to get Citron back they'll get him back in style. they're only keeping quiet for the grand final. or something.

gd yeah Citron's brothers' names are awful. ALSO THE GAY COUSIN LINE IM DLKFJDLKFJDL KIRI YOURE AMAZING. but yeah. Citron i could believe with Citronia and all, but the brothers' names are just… A3 please try to not make those a joke……… Tangerine really is a lot like Muku yeah. It's mentioned at some point and yeah, i think Citron really saw Tangerine in Muku so much so he imprinted on Muku right away. It's really sweet.

your speculation game is incredible though no note lmao

and you're sooo right about the CG. In the spring chapter the CG were Chikage at what he does best (trickery, also "playing" games with Spring), Chikage at his most vulnerable (crying with Hisoka) and Chikage's journey with his troupe (sleeping with them) (you know what i mean). Autumn and Summer kinda had another formula but one that fits both of them. it's Kumon and Azami doing what they do best (Baseball, Make Up), an emotional catharsis moment (Kumon crying after the play, Sakyo worrying about Azami), and members of the troupe without the rookies, but concerned for them (Yuki&Tenma's phonecall, Autumn's fursona beatdown). So far Guy is pretty much "Guy at his most Vulnerable" (Defrag), and Guy discovering new way to do things, which i think fits closer to the first paterns, as he's bonding with Winter/Tsumugi there. But yeah it was just, such a good choice aaaahhh.

"izumi was like "i'm sure the play will go smoothly!" and in my head i laughed bc hello. we hae 17 chapters left. i don't think so. " DLKFJDLKFJDLKFJDFLKJDLKFJDKLFDJFD PLEASE HELP. yeah. yeah.

As for Citron and Guy let's go-- yeah it reframes how Citron immediately related to Clockwork Heart, because even if S isn't human, Citron could just see his relationship with Guy there - and Guy is human, so S is just as human to him. Doesn't matter what would make him less of one. he's like his good friend. And i love the way you explain it, yeah, completely. Like Citron just wants it to be real for Guy too, and of course he's hurt by Guy's standoffishness, a bit for his own reasons of course, but also mostly because Guy himself is isolating himself and Citron would love to just be allowed in. And i think it reflects also on his relationship with Spring, why Citron was always bothering Masumi in particular for instance since Masumi was the one who closed his feelings off the most- i think Citron just saw how much Guy closed himself in and therefore made this distance between them and just, didn't want it to happen again if he could avoid it. And i really agree on the way their first meeting went there. I do think it was a mix of both. Izumi is projecting an emotional and rational adult she knows on an isolated child, while Guy is projecting a lack of emotion that he has been subjected with his whole life on Citron. but i 100% agree on how you read Citron was actually like.

and god. yeah the mother's stuff were a bit rough. I admit it's something i had such a difficult time with for very "related a bit too hard to the situation and hurt myself in the process" type that a3 does too well (because why is it that when it's relatable it's genuinely cutting ways too deep and close to home? a3 answer for your crimes). But learning about Guy's past and how much it affected him was really nice, yea. And you're SOO right about the voice acting, it was such a good job, god. I love the range he has, especially when he sets up this monotony with Guy and then finally he's allowing the emotions to burst. it's so so good.

AS FOR THE OIL. OH GOD. first, so true about Homare being so poetic about it. second, That reminds me of a post i saw once on here about how the rookies are, all four of them, the four characters of the Wizard of Oz. Four people who are set to look for something they're missing only to realize they had it all along. i'm summing it up a bit but definitely read it, it's no longer spoilery for you and the wording of the post itself makes me cry because it really made it so clear. Chikage as the Scarecrow looking for a brain, because Chikage was so lost in his grief he couldn't think for himself. Guy as the Tinman looking for a heart, not believing he had emotions while they were here all along. Kumon as the cowardly lion looking for courage, because his anxiety is what is holding him back, and yet he still has the courage in the end to seek a better ending for himself. And Azami as Dorothy, just looking to return home, even though his family here wouldn't listen to them, having to chose between home and something they loved and being told they can't have both while they want both.

S O Guy seeing his own feelings running like oil really fits in this metaphor as well because the tinman in the wizard of oz constantly needs people to oil him so he can move - in this situation Guy needed poeple who could help him process his emotions some way so he could move forward.

Just. muah.

as for the closing words yeah i. i do think that Zafra is basically an orientalist caricature in some way, which is pretty sad. A3 is such a fantastic game once it comes to how some people process trauma, a lot of mental health related deep dive that i rarely saw treated with this much love and compassion anywhere, also with quite the way to play with gender norms and all…. but when it comes to being culturally sensitive, they end up dropping the ball more often than not and that's really such, such a shame. Zafra being such an important "lore piece" it ends up being really more cringey than when it's just their plays being insensitive. it really blows. But in a more wastionian approach it can be funny to think about how this country is supposed to work, as you said about the tourism and all. As for Jasmine, it's so nice that you ended up liking seeing it aahh. Guy makes a big deal out of Jasmine flowers during his base SSR backstage if you ever feel like reading it? it was pretty nice. Though you're right, Zafra being tech heavy with an actual android could have been very fun. and i'm sure there would be some interesting storylines to have with that but alas…

I hope that despite the insensitivities you'll end up liking the end of the story.

as usual i loved to read your takes <333 it made me emotional about the boys all over again… them…. Take care and see you soon ;D

#ichareply #long post for ts #aranarumei #ichafantalks a3

[caliboyfloridavibes]

Ive tried everything up to this point as you know to get your attention. I must say you have increased my level of creativity though lol. The competitiveness and stubbornness I have would not let me just throw in the towel so easy for you. It was hard for me to tell myself you just didn’t feel the same way as I did for you. I had this fighters attitude of fight for what I thought would be mine! I just never really took your feelings into consideration and understand why we couldn’t get over the hump or be direct and give each other a fair chance to experience each other on a intimate level. I felt like I knew you before knowing you and though I had so many layers of you to peel back and seemed so effortless for us. You obviously know you have this effect on people as I remember you telling back in HS how someone else was like this for you so thanks for the curse 🖕🏾 jk lol. But anyways, despite all the miscommunications and distance in between us, in my opinion i thought we would of been amazing together and meshed perfectly once we actually let our guards down for each other. I thought that if we opened up our hearts to speak our full truths it would of been evident! I feel like I’ve FINALLY hit a wall after all these years of indirect/direct pursuing I’ve done for you. It’s tough losing in anything but it’s especially been tough losing you, and personally why I was so bipolar about being friends and being more and acting like I’m over you but in instead really waiting for our window again. Which felt like I was doing every few months. I apologize for randomly expressing myself too, as you see wants, impatiences, regretful don’t mix. I should probably be apologizing for alot more issues I’ve caused but you get the gist at least I hope you do. I am really saying all this to say, I am truly grateful for the respect you’ve shared for me and turning me down gracefully and not rudely. Thank you for little times we shared and always being the bigger person. Thank you for showing me your true self. I want to sincerely send you my best wishes and ultimately just thank you for not embarrassing me to the world when you could have on numerous occasions for years. You’re truly an amazing woman/life partner which you knew but ultimately I deeply hope someone loves you with purpose and true intentions because you deserve it. As always, I got your back and if you ever need me I got you . Stay solid and genuine forever 🫶🏾Also, thanks for the soccer information!! I really needed that!! and, yes you’re the one one on my close friends list.

[redemptioninterlude]

five times kissed:     ( five times the receiver and sender kissed ) ( rue )

5 times ... meme ( accepting ) + @feralsmile // julie

It’s like playing pretend for them, she supposes ; those moments where she tries to say it’s just to try something, or just to practice. The way it is with Lexi when she tells her that she wants to figure out how to French kiss, so there’s Rue, ready with a WHY NOT, and let’s go. They bend reality to say it doesn’t matter because it’s better to spare feelings, and for her, she thinks that Julie couldn’t possibly mean it, because she’s just… well, she’s the girl who comes to school with that hard edged flintiness to her that Rue always admired. But the more that she becomes just another person who seems to seamlessly blend in with everyone else, she always had her breath held for the moment that Julie would realise that she didn’t really need Rue anymore. But instead she’s telling her that she’s nervous for a date, and like, wouldn’t Rue help her with something? Because Rue’s just the right height, and Julie’s not asking anymore as her arms fold around her neck, up on tip toes as she kisses her slow, that surprise of it catching her completely off-guard as her cheeks are left flared with heat as the other girl pulls back. “Okay that’s what I figured.” Rue, not having a chance to ask what the hell that meant before the other girl’s already on the run, waving back at her with a thanks, and Rue, well, she’s left standing there, fisting at the sleeves of her hoody in confusion.

Rue and Jules break up. It’s a whole FUCKING THING she supposes, but most people just like… act like it didn’t even happen. Or that she shouldn’t feel the way that she feels because like, Jules is still everyone’s friend and Rue is the one painted as being dramatic about it, which… kinda hurts. Knowing that Jules could still have all her friends, and there wasn’t much that Rue could say other than to slip and slink away into her own quiet corner of things. The whole fallout is Rue relapsing in the most spectacular of ways, but it always surprises her when Julie shows up at her door, dragging her out of bed, and pressing kisses at her face to convince her to move, get up, do something within the depths of her drug-addled state. “Fine, fine, fine…” her voice groggy and dripped low in discontent, but seated at the table with Julie in the kitchen, moving around as if she owned the place, she kinda doesn’t hate it. Hand raising up to touch her cheek, holding onto a thought that she allows to slip away, because… perhaps, perhaps, perhaps was not enough for her.

Julies is the only one that she tells about Elliot and Jules. Maybe because like, she doesn’t have the capacity in her to really hold it all in to herself. Lexi asks about why they all stop hanging out, but honestly, she doesn’t want to think about it. About them. They could fuck all they wanted to, though maybe the appeal, she says bitterly, was doing it BEHIND HER BACK. And there’s a moment, where Rue looks to Julie with a pleading expression worn on her face. “Am I just… not enough?” intimacy was hard for her, harder still, when everything always felt tinged with a certain kind of violence to it all, but it’s hard to keep herself still with this, sobriety jangling discontent within her veins as she tries to hold back a sob, but she doesn’t manage to keep those tears from tracking hot down her face, trying to laugh it off as she wiped them off with the back of her palm. “I feel so fucking stupid-“ trying to draw in a breath to keep herself steady, but no, no. There’s Julie cupping her face, staring at her intently before she kisses her slow, like a distraction, like a promise, and Rue can hear her talking about how she is enough, that she matters and she isn’t stupid, but her brain is buzzing, static crackling loud at the back of her head, staring at Julie as if only seeing her now for the first time.

Dates are like. New things for her. Rue never really goes on them before this, other than sometimes with boys with short lived intentions. With Jules, it was always just hangouts and half the time it was her doing things for her, so all of this is different. “Can I make you dinner?” There’s a shuffling oddity of it all to it, and really she wants to try something new this time. To show that maybe it wasn’t a matter of like… not caring about the whole sex thing, but rather needing a certain PSYCHOLOGICAL SAFETY to it all that nobody ever really cared to give. Until Julie. But she knows that without asking ( she’s someone who watches, who knows, who’s got a keening understanding of the people around her because she asked questions rather than obsessing internally about herself ) that her girlfriend ( she isn’t used to that word ) didn’t like being home. So she takes her to hers, still on a lockdown thanks to her fragile sobriety, but it’s them and her mom and Gia are out of the night for this, and even though she’s supposed to be cooking dinner, she has Julie in her lap on the couch, her hands fixed at her hips while they kiss, and she realises, it’s not as hard as everyone else made it all feel. That when someone cared, this shit could be really fucking easy, sweeping her tongue along the blonde’s lower lip, and understanding what hunger could feel like, for the first time.

Things grow to a more casual ease, and even Rue knows that while trusting new people is hard, it’s easier with Julie. They’ve known each other so long, that she knows where those scars are from on the back of her knee, from that time they slip from a swing set while drunk at a party. She kisses those first, before moving up to her thighs and the places where they make teenage mistakes and they wear the scars of girlhood in new ways, and Rue kisses those too, like an apology. Because she loves these parts of her too, and she never thought she’d be able to say those things so easily, shifting higher still to where Julie watches her with that unspeakable expression on her face as she kisses her whole, their breathing mixing hot against each other, her chest hitching around the things that she could now express SO MUCH EASIER in the warmth of her light. “You’ve been so good-“ her words all warm in a way she finds strange, still, to her own ear. “Want to go again?”

#feralsmile #❝ r. bennett ❞ ┆ canon verse ┆ drugs are kind of cool ! #❝ r. bennett ❞ ┆ meme reply ┆ everything feels so permanent !