#never have i felt this kind of pain in my life

[flowerandblood]

The Fall from the Heavens (27)

[ dark • Aemond x Strong • niece female ]

[ warnings: fingering, masturbation, sexual tension, smut, angst, dirty talk, kissing without consent, swearing ]

[ description: A cool distance turns into friendship and more when two children see that they can find refuge and understanding in each other. However, naïve dreams collide with the reality in which every event has consequences and what once could have been love becomes a dark, newly painful obsession. Angst, sexual tension, obsession, violence, madness, very dark Aemond. ]

The story in this series is an alternate reality from the oneshot Stay and love, leave and die, in which Aemond reads the letters his niece has sent to him over the years. They are the same characters and it shows what would have happened between them − I have changed the background story from their childhood slightly for the sake of the plot.

Characters & Series Moodboard Lady Strong Moodboard Aemond & Lady Strong Moodboard Aemond & Lady Strong Childhood

* English is not my first language. Please, do not repost. Enjoy! *

Next chapters: Masterlist

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When her uncle decided that they would spend the night in Dragonstone for a moment she thought she had overheard herself − she was unable to contain her delight and outburst of joy at his words, feeling that he had somehow rewarded her for her efforts.

Or at least she thought he had.

His sudden change of plans was unlike him, and she was aware of that, knowing his nature.

He detested deviating from the plans he had previously made for himself.

However, she recognised that perhaps he wanted to show her and her family his sincere intentions, to prove that she was not just a prisoner in his eyes and that he, as her husband, could also sleep under their roof without being one.

She wasn't sure if she had ever been as happy in her life as she had been the moment she flew through the sky next to Vhagar, Caraxes and Syrax; her heart was filled with heat and hope, her uncle's words echoing in her mind like a sweet whisper.

I am proud of you.

Those words meant more to her than any of his other confessions.

Of course, his confession of love was a wonderful thing, but she had always been waiting for him to appreciate her as a person, not just a woman he saw by his side.

With this, she finally felt equal to him.

Her optimism extinguished as quickly as it had appeared as soon as she crossed the walls of the family fortress. Although her heart screamed with joy at the sight of familiar rooms, smells and sights, the faces of her brothers left her with no illusions.

She swallowed loudly as she saw the hateful look on Jace's face; she knew him and she knew that he was hurt.

He was disappointed and heartbroken, he felt humiliated and, deep down, betrayed by her, even though she never meant it.

Luke clearly didn't know what he felt himself, because he just lowered his head, unable to look into her eyes.

She felt a squeeze in her throat at the sight, a discomfort in her stomach that told her that perhaps this wasn't her home at all anymore.

She was no longer welcome here.

She was snapped out of her reverie by Rhaena − her step-sister was the first to approach her, warmth and longing in her gaze, some kind of understanding from which she felt tears under her eyelids. They hugged each other tightly, though they had never done so before − her words made her feel a tightening in her stomach.

"I'm so happy you're alive." She muttered in a breaking voice, and she smiled involuntarily at her words.

"Me too."

As Baela approached them, also enclosing her in the tight embrace of her arms, she thought with a shrug that even though she hadn't let them into the depths of her heart for so many years, they truly cared and worried about her.

At the very end Joffrey ran up to her, sobbing loudly.

"− why have you been so long in King's Landing? − why did you leave us? − Jace wouldn't read me my favourite book −" He mumbled cuddled into her belly, her hands combing through his dark curls with the calm motion of her fingers.

"− forgive me − I'm here −" She said softly, looking at her older brother and swallowed hard, seeing the murderous glances they exchanged over the table with her husband.

She looked at her mother, who nodded, understanding what she wanted to convey to her.

"You are certainly exhausted. Take up your old quarters, daughter, I will immediately command them to be brought to order and prepared for you." Rheanyra said calmly, and she bowed before her.

"Thank you, my Queen." She said softly, looking into her eyes. Her mother swallowed hard and nodded, allowing them to leave.

As they stepped inside her chamber, she felt a squeeze in her heart and some kind of elation; all her belongings were in their places exactly as she had left them, as if no one had been allowed in here since she had been forcibly held in the Red Keep.

She shuddered, snapped out of her reverie when her uncle moved ahead of her, strolling around the room with his hands folded behind his back, intrigued.

It seemed to her that some part of him wanted to understand what her life had been like and who she had been for the eight years during which they had been separated.

She saw him walk over to her old oak desk and run his fingers over its top, thoughtful.

"− is this here? −" He asked casually.

She felt heat in her lower abdomen at the thought that he meant the place where she had written letters to him.

"− yes −"

She swallowed quietly as he hummed at her words, watching as he sat in the chair where she sat many times leaning over the parchment, scribbling words on it meant only for his eyes. He tapped his finger on the armrest, turning to face her in profile as he gazed out of the window, apparently absorbed in memories.

She thought that although her return home had proved more uncomfortable than she had thought, she was grateful to him.

Whatever decision he had made that morning had led them here and was proof of his intentions.

"− we should rest, husband − if that's what you wish, we'll have supper alone −" She said quietly, smiling at him, wanting him to know she wouldn't force him to sit at the same table with her family.

She thought she would spend the evening with him, give him the feeling that she was not speaking with anyone behind his back, and perhaps in the morning, before they flew away, she would ask him so that she could speak to her mother at last in peace and solitude.

Comforted by this thought and the fact that it looked like all was not lost, she began to tell him about her life in Dragonstone, to show him the books she had written to him about in her letters, the places she had flown to on Larax.

It seemed to her that her husband was only partially listening to her; his gaze was thoughtful, his face expressed weariness and discouragement. She knew that something was making him uncomfortable and she suspected that it was about the place they were in; however, she did not know how to help him, to give him the feeling that neither he nor she was in danger here.

"− uncle − will you tell me what troubles you? −" She finally made an attempt to find out what had been on his mind since the morning. He shuddered at her words and looked at her with a horror as if he was about to faint.

"I'm tired." He replied quickly, without thinking, as if he wanted to answer her anything just to end the subject. She sighed quietly, recognising that she couldn't push him too hard.

Not after what they had managed to accomplish.

"Let's go to bed."

She felt a squeeze in her throat as, already lying on the bedding, she watched as he took out his dagger and tucked it under his pillow; she looked at him and met his calm, impassive gaze.

She decided not to say anything, understanding where his caution came from, not wanting to discourage or frustrate him.

She smiled involuntarily, content as his body clung to hers as soon as he lay at her side. She heard him murmur as she snuggled his face between her breasts, felt his arms embrace her waist and tighten around the material of her nightgown on her back.

She loved it when her mother sang lullabies to her when she was a child; it always calmed and soothed her. She had never dared to sing to him when they were children, fearing that her voice was too squeaky and unpleasant, but now she decided that maybe that was just what he needed.

So she sang, humming softly, once in a while placing a warm, lingering kiss on the top of his head − she felt his embrace slowly growing weaker, his muscles relaxing, his breathing quiet and even.

She sighed quietly feeling him fall asleep.

Someone's jerking and growling roused her from a deep sleep; when she opened her eyes for a moment she didn't know where she was or what was happening.

She recognised her chamber but did not know what her uncle was doing in it, convinced that he still had not answered her letters, as he had not done so for eight years.

After a moment, however, her mind seemed to regain focus and she remembered that she was his wife after all, and that his silhouette lying beside her was not a figment of her imagination.

She raised herself up on her elbow seeing that his body convulsed once in a while, as if he was trying to break free of something, whimpers and grunts came out of his throat, however, his mouth did not open, tears began to fall from the corners of his eyes one by one.

"Uncle! Uncle, please, wake up!" She called out, grabbing his arm, feeling her heart pounding like crazy.

She was frightened and jumped back as his eye opened suddenly, his figure rose to sit up, and he began to pant like a wild animal, quivering all over. She looked at him in disbelief, horrified to hear that he was struggling to catch his breath.

Was he having nightmares again?

Was he dreaming again of the night he lost his eye?

"− easy, my love − breathe −" She whispered tenderly, gently touching his back; he flinched all over and looked at her as if he didn't recognise her − his eye was wide open, his nostrils twitched in accelerated, heavy breaths.

"− Rhaenys − Rhaenys −" He mumbled like a small, terrified child and fell into her arms, bursting into a sob so loud that the voice stuck in her throat.

She embraced him immediately, letting him find protection and comfort in her arms, stroking affectionately his hair and back, placing warm, soft kisses on the top of his head in an attempt to reassure him.

"− I'm here, my love − I'm here −" She mumbled, feeling that the fabric of her nightgown was all wet with his tears, his hot, broken breath enveloping her skin.

She felt like he wanted to melt into one with her, to hide deep inside her from whatever it was that scared him.

He was silent for a long moment, trying to calm himself; she hushed him tenderly, whispering that he was safe, that she was by his side, that all was well. She finally heard him swallow hard, his voice trembling and uncertain.

"− there's something − there's something I want to tell you −" He muttered. She blinked, twisting comfortably in her seat, feeling her heart begin to beat faster.

"− I'm listening to you, my love −" She whispered, stroking his hair. She released him from her arms when she felt him wanting to rise.

He sat on the bedding with his side facing her, running his shaking hand over his face, his healthy eye closed as if afraid of what was about to leave his mouth.

"− I − fuck −" He began, swallowing hard − her hand rose to his back, stroking it reassuringly.

"− easy − take your time − start from the beginning −" She encouraged him softly, not wanting him to fall silent again, seeing that he wanted to throw off whatever had been weighing on his shoulders since they had left Harrenhal.

"− you may remember − Lord Strong wanted to speak with me soon after we arrived in Harrenhal −" He said uncertainly, and she nodded, reminding herself that this was indeed what had happened.

"− yes −"

Her uncle swallowed hard, drawing in air loudly.

"− he told me at the time − that my grandfather had no intention of letting your mother and Daemon leave the Eyrie alive if it turned out they wouldn't accept our terms − but now I think they wouldn't have left alive anyway − Larys had his spies there −" He muttered and fell silent, freezing completely as she did, her heart beginning to pound like mad.

My grandfather had no intention of letting them leave the Eyrie alive.

"Will you be by my side even when all is lost? Even if there is nothing left but darkness? Is that what you had in mind then?" She mumbled out in pain, feeling that there was a complete void in her mind. "Will I be there for you even if your grandfather kills my mother?"

"− n-no −" He began quickly. "− will you be there for me even if I fail to prevent it knowing that I didn't tell you −"

She felt a constriction in her throat and lower abdomen, felt tears of disappointment and sadness flowing into her eyelids − now it was her body that trembled in convulsions, his gaze full of shame and horror directed at her.

She sucked his cock, she let him take her, and he knew that the next day her father and her mother could be murdered.

She pressed her lips together, shaking her head and laughed low.

"− you will betray me − you will run away − those are your words, aren't they? − you were always the first to accuse me − was it because you were trying to cover up your own conscience? − you wanted me to let you down so that you wouldn't feel guilty about doing it over and over again? −" She asked with a cold mockery, from which he bowed his head in embarrassment, in a subconscious reflex he had inherited from his mother plucking the cuticles around his fingernails.

He did not answer.

"− what should I do now? − divorce you? − say I won't come back to King's Landing with you? − not speak to you for eight years? − tell me, uncle, what do you think you deserve? −" She asked dispassionately, feeling the tears of rage and grief one by one run down her cheeks.

She saw him tremble at her words and curl into himself, as if he were again the same little boy who had cried in her arms when his mother had reprimanded him for inappropriate behaviour.

She pressed her lips into a thin line as he hid his face in his hands and wept helplessly, as if his whole person, everything he had built around himself was just falling apart in front of her eyes, showing him his insides, what was left of him.

He was vulnerable.

"− fuck − I − I wanted to tell you, but I was afraid you'd change your mind − that if you warned them they'd see it as a betrayal and wouldn't want to pact − that's why I didn't let any of us stay in the Eyrie − I −"

"− because my mother agreed − but what would you have done if things had turned out differently? −" She asked coldly, and he swallowed hard, covering his eyes with his hand, as if he could not bear what he felt or this conversation.

"− I don't know − I don't know how I could have protected both you and my family then − what decision of mine would have saved you from death −" He muttered and she pulled herself up from the bed, recognising that she didn't feel like listening to this, that she had had enough of him and his guilt when it was always him, him, him disappointing her.

From the first night she had returned to him, when he had closed her cheeks in the brutal grip of his fingers she had seen in his eye what had now become clear to her.

He was weak, and when he was afraid, he resorted to violence.

She heard him stand up behind her, panting heavily, wiping his tear-wet face with his hand.

"− no − don't leave − I told you because −"

"− because your conscience didn't give you peace − because you didn't want to carry your guilt alone −" She hissed, turning towards him with furrowed brows.

She felt that fury, not blood, was flowing through her veins now.

He swallowed loudly at her words, looking at her wide-eyed.

"− if you've never hidden anything from me − you've never concealed anything from me for fear that I might react impulsively, leave − but if you did, come back to bed − I won't touch you −"

She pressed her lips together in fury, recognising that he must have been mocking her, but then she felt an unpleasant sting in her heart that proved she had doubts.

She heard again the words of one of her servants in King's Landing whispering in her ear that when the time came, Prince Daemon would help her escape; she heard again the words of Alys speaking of the prophecy she had not shared with him for fear of his reaction.

Had she really never hidden anything from him?

Her whole body screamed for her to leave; she wanted to do it, but felt that if she did, she would be lying to herself and to him, creating an image in which she was without flaw.

She could say that she had the right to do it, that she had good intentions, but didn't her uncle think the same about his decisions?

She glared at him and let out a loud breath, returning to the bed without a word, sinking into the soft sheets, turning her face away from him. She heard him breathe heavily, and after a moment, the bed creaked under the weight of his body settling against her back.

"− tell me −" He whispered.

She sighed heavily and grunted, recognising that her faults were less than his anyway.

So why did she still feel shame and a squeeze in her gut?

"− after I tried to take my life I was told that my father could help me escape − don't ask how − I also didn't tell you about the prophecy I heard from Alys −"

"− that fucking witch is a liar −" He growled, and she let out a loud breath, impatient.

"− it is possible − but I also heard this prophecy from your sister's mouth − both of them spoke of two rivers of blood merging into one, taking the shape of a dragon's crowned head −" She choked out finally, her husband stirring beside her in his place, surprised.

"− what could this mean? −"

"− I don't know − I was afraid that when you heard it, you would want to give up on the negotiations and return to King's Landing − Alys warned me, so she probably knew what your grandfather was planning to do −" She said regretfully, thinking that strange woman was more concerned for her safety and her family than her husband.

She heard him swallow hard, letting the air out loudly.

"− forgive me −"

She lay in silence for some time, feeling anger that he expected her to simply forget everything, understand his reasons and forgive him as always.

No.

"− I will forgive you, but I have my conditions − we will stay here longer − for a week or two, I will decide in the morning −" She said coldly.

"− but − my mother will be convinced that they are holding us by force −" He began, but she would not let him finish.

"− you will write a letter to your brother informing him that my mother has accepted his terms, but is also setting her own − that we will stay here to discuss all the details, show our goodwill − if your mother wishes, she can travel here in her own person − you can leave Dragonstone when you wish, but I will stay here as long as I desire, and you will show no opposition −" She said impatiently, feeling her heart pounding like mad, her hands clenched into fists.

Her husband swallowed loudly at her words, tense.

"− I − very well −" He muttered finally, knowing that any other words would forever cross him out in her eyes.

She hummed under her breath, covering herself tightly with the bedding and closed her eyes, figuring she wouldn't turn towards him for the rest of the night.

"− don't try to take me or embrace me −" She commanded and he sighed quietly.

She swallowed hard when she felt him place his large hand on her head and begin to stroke her hair exactly as he had when they were children.

She felt furious that it was so pleasant, so soothing, that he knew she loved it.

"− my Rheanys −" He whispered tenderly. She pressed her lips together at his words, feeling a single, lonely tear run down her cheek.

The next morning she was awakened by a rustling noise and the sound of a quill scratching on parchment; she lifted her sleepy eyelids and saw his silhouette sitting behind her desk, bent over a letter he had apparently just written.

She felt strange at the thought that he was sitting in the exact place where she had spent years writing him messages that had never received a response.

She knew, however, that she now had the upper hand over him and that her word was an order to him.

She was not going to imitate his cold nature and not speak to him − they had to maintain a semblance of at least a warm relationship so that the image of their marriage, on which the whole agreement between the two parties was supposed to be based, did not begin to crack.

He lifted his gaze to her when she stood up, but they did not exchange a word between each other.

He did not know what to say.

Her maidservant walked in at her summons and bowed before her, bending her head humbly.

"− my Lady, will you have your morning meal before your travel? − your mother would like to speak with you before you leave for King's Landing −"

"− we will have a meal, but convey to my mother that there is no rush − my husband and I have decided to stay here for a few weeks as an expression of our sincere intentions − my husband is in the process of conveying this message to his brother − my uncle is in need of new garments, provide them for him without delay and bring them to my chamber −" She said calmly; her servant blinked, shocked and nodded, immediately disappearing behind the door.

Despite what she had learned and the rage she felt, she was pleased − the roles had been reversed and although her husband was not her prisoner, he was attached to her and was forced to stay in a place that disgusted him.

Good, she thought.

She wanted him to feel what she had felt during the month she had spent in King's Landing, imprisoned by his mother and grandfather.

"− I wish to spend this afternoon with my mother − if you so desire, I can show you in which chamber the library is located −" She said lightly, without looking at him however, taking a bite of bread spread with confiture. Her husband rolled his eyes, displeased.

"I have no intention of leaving your quarters." He replied indifferently.

She raised her eyebrows in amusement at his words.

"You are not my prisoner, uncle. You can walk and fly wherever you please. Holding someone by force is not in my nature." She murmured softly − her husband gave her one tired look.

She smiled at him in a way from which he swallowed hard and looked away, sighing heavily.

He knew she was enraged and he wasn't going to get in her way.

One of the aspects she enjoyed upon returning home was that she had finally retrieved all her robes; her uncle looked at her from the side, watching as her servants helped her put on a golden gown with long black sleeves that reached the ground.

"− make braids around my head − my husband adores it when I wear this hairstyle, is he not? −" She sneered, glancing at him over her shoulder. She only saw him roll his eyes, running his hand over his face, not saying a word.

He knew he had to endure everything she was throwing at him with humility if he didn't want to make his already bad situation worse.

She had no idea what he could do to regain her favour, her trust, the respect she had for him.

"− have a pleasant day, husband −" She threw over her shoulder, leaving him alone in the chamber, recognising that she did not care what he did.

As she stepped into her mother's quarters, Rhaenyra rose from her seat, putting down the quill she held in her hand, approaching her with surprise and uncertainty written on her face.

"− is it true? − are you planning to stay in Dragonstone? −" She asked in a trembling voice − she smiled and nodded. Her mother sighed in relief and walked over to her, embracing her tightly with her arms, snuggling her head into her neck.

They pulled away from each other after a moment, her hands gripping her cheeks, her thumbs stroking her skin as if she remembered a time when she was still a small child.

"− let's sit down −"

Being in her chamber again was like a dream to her − she couldn't believe she was sitting at the same table again, surrounded by the same furniture and bed with a red curtain, with the windows open to a view of the great sea.

"− does he treat you well? −" She asked suddenly, taking her hand in her own.

Her mother's question surprised her, but it also filled her heart with warmth and emotion.

"− I − yes − despite his harsh, difficult nature −"

"− so how did he let this happen? −" She asked, exposing a part of her wrist with her thumb, where her pale scar was clearly visible. She swallowed loudly, not knowing what to answer her.

She wanted to tell her about the moon tea, but hesitated.

She didn't want her to think that her husband knew about it, that he was a worse person than she assumed.

It devastated her to think that she still had to tell half-truths.

"− I did it as an act of desperation − when he found out he wouldn't leave my side for weeks − he wouldn't let anyone but himself, Helaena and the maester cross the threshold of my quarters − he let me see Luke −" She muttered, looking at her at last. Her mother lowered her gaze, sighing quietly, tired and pale.

"− when Daemon passed on your words to me, I was furious − I didn't understand how you could do this to me −" She began and fell silent, closing her eyelids for a moment.

She felt an all-consuming shame at the thought that she had failed and disappointed her as a daughter.

"− forgive me − I would never question your rights if it were only about you − but you know very well that it is not −" She said cautiously − her mother lifted her gaze to her and nodded.

"− I know −"

They fell silent for a moment.

"− can I trust him? − your husband − and my brother −" Her mother asked coldly; she raised her gaze to her, surprised to feel that her lips involuntarily parted.

I don't know.

"− yes −" She muttered. "− he refused Maris Baratheon to take her as his wife − he himself proposed a form of compromise, and his elder brother supported him − Aegon is not a good man, but he cares about his children − he knows he will not leave them a secure, safe throne − just as you would not leave it to your sons −"

They said no more.

She spent some more time with her, just holding her hand, wordlessly trying to comfort her, thinking with weariness that she had to give up everything that was rightfully hers.

She finally decided to take pity on her husband and return to her chamber, not wanting to leave him alone for so long in a state of anxiety and uncertainty.

She felt her heart stop as she stepped into her quarters and saw no one inside − a cold shiver ran down her spine at the thought of him leaving her.

He had returned to King's Landing without her.

She pressed her lips together, involuntarily feeling her heart begin to pound like mad with pain and sadness, her eyes glazed over with tears that she was ashamed of, thinking it shouldn't hurt so much, and yet it did.

She looked around the room quickly, looking for a letter or anything else that might say he had left her some word, but found nothing of the sort; she shuddered when she heard someone's dim voices in the distance and walked over to the window.

Her father and her uncle stood facing each other on the beach with their hands folded behind their backs, discussing something animatedly, a clear tension between them.

She felt regret towards herself, her body filled with an overwhelming relief that he had not left her, that he had not betrayed her again.

She thought the gods had been cruel, allowing her to love this man so deeply.

She blinked, startled, when she heard the door from her chamber open; she turned and saw the figure of her eldest brother, who only spoke up when they heard a loud clatter of wood behind them.

"− how could you do this? − choose him over us? −" He growled with regret, resentment and disappointment, his big brown eyes filled with anger and pain from which she felt a tightening in her throat. She furrowed her brow and shook her head.

"− we both know what the truth is − you can't rule with lies −" She replied, shrugging her shoulders; Jace moved towards her and she flinched all over, surprised at how pale he was, his lips tightened into a thin line − she had the impression he was trembling all over.

"− this was my inheritance − my throne − my crown − and you chose him, a man who did not write back to your letters for eight years, who humiliated you by calling you a bastard, and you shared a bed with him the first night you saw him, like some... −" He didn't finish and fell silent, the word he wanted to say stuck deep in his throat. She felt her lower lip tremble at his accusation, her eyebrows arching in pain and anger, her eyes red from tears of shame and humiliation.

"− say it − you've already spoken the word in your mind −" She sneered, lifting her chin higher, challenging him.

"− I won't call you an unworthy name −" He muttered lowly, and she laughed involuntarily at his words, shaking her head.

"− you think that makes you a better man? − look at this −" She hissed, lifting her hand up, exposing her wrist tugging impatiently at the material of her black sleeve. "− here is what I have done for you and for your crown − should I do it again? −"

She swallowed loudly, surprised when she noticed that something in her brother's expression had changed − Jace had grabbed her wrist and locked it between his fingers, but there was no aggression in the gesture, his thumb stroking her smooth, bare skin.

They stared at each other for a moment, breathing loudly; she felt that there was a kind of tension between them from which her heart was pounding like mad, but she wasn't sure what it was caused by; something in his gaze, in his brown, misty eyes and parted lips, made her feel hot.

"− do you love him more than our mother? − than Luke, than Joffrey? − than me? −" He asked in a trembling voice and she shook her head, not understanding what he meant.

"− Jace − it's a different kind of love − I −"

"− what kind? −" He hissed. "− the kind where you're constantly betrayed? − in which someone mocks your parentage? − locks you up like some prisoner? −"

Gods.

"− Jace −" She gasped, feeling that something in his questions, in his gaze, in what he wanted to hear from her had broken her down, her whole body began to quiver.

She shuddered as he approached her suddenly, as his free hand cupped her warm cheeks, as his forehead pressed against hers, his voice trembling as the words left his throat like a river.

"− I am your oldest brother − you were born to be mine − I would be good to you − you know I would −"

"− brother, what are you saying? − you had no objections when my mother decided to marry me to Ronnel −" She said disapprovingly, furrowing her brow in anger.

"− it was our mother's decision − how could I oppose her? −" He asked with a frown, as if he really believed what he was saying, a cold shiver ran through her body as his thumb ran over the soft skin of her cheek, hot with emotion.

"− you have never loved me − not in this way, we both know it well − you have always preferred to lie to yourself rather than face the truth − you do not look at me as the woman you desire, but as an inheritance that was taken from you −" She said with pain, feeling that what he was saying was not due to any deep feeling he had for her, but to his anger that she was not waiting for him docilely like his throne and his crown.

Her brother swallowed hard at her words, his hot, ragged breath enveloping the skin of her face.

"− when you were born, our mother told me that you might be my future wife − and I always, always saw you this way −"

"− you mocked me with Aegon −"

"− I craved his attention − he was older and impressed me − didn't you do anything you regretted as a child? −" He muttered wearily; she felt her heart stop at his words, a drop of cold sweat run down the back of her neck.

What was she supposed to answer him?

"− brother − I am married to another man − of my own free will −"

"− you are a traitor −"

"− how dare you −"

"− you are a traitor, but I still am unable to hate you −"

A squeal of terror stuck in her throat, her body froze completely as his lips pressed against hers in a greedy, hot, sticky kiss, his fingers digging into the soft skin of her cheeks, refusing to let her move away.

She cried out and pushed him away − before he could make any move her hand slapped him in the face so hard that he took a few steps back, clutching his red cheek, panting heavily.

"− get out −" She muttered, placing her hand over her heart, feeling as if it was about to burst out of her chest. "− get out of my chamber, brother − I'll forget this...conversation ever took place −"

Jace swallowed hard, horrified and ashamed, as if it had only now occurred to him what he had actually done.

What would Baela say if she saw this?

It seemed to him that they both couldn't believe he had done it − Jace had turned and walked out, leaving behind an open door and a complete blank in her mind.

She thought he wanted to take it out on their uncle, to take away something that belonged to him.

That she was just an object for him on which he had decided to vent.

She thought with pain that he, unlike her husband, had never tried to truly understand her.

When her uncle returned to her chamber they did not exchange a word − he seemed distracted and frustrated to her. He took one of the books from the bookshelf and sat by the fireplace, pretending to read. She lowered her gaze, playing with her fingers, thinking only of the fact that if she hid it from him, she would be just like him.

She didn't know for a long time how she should put it into words, but she figured he'd be furious either way.

"− Jace kissed me − on the lips −" She muttered, glancing at him fearfully − his eye opened wide, looking at her in disbelief, his jaw clenched in such a way that a shudder went through her.

He was silent for a moment, as if he had run out of words, which frightened her even more.

"− he did WHAT? −" He growled, closing the book with a loud slam, pulling himself up from his seat like an enraged bear.

"− he kissed me − grief and humiliation took his mind away − I − wait − gods −" She muttered, standing up as soon as he headed towards the door, which he opened with a loud clatter, running out into the corridor after him.

"− Aemond − no, no, no − stop! −" She hissed, grabbing his arm, but he pulled away from her, opening door after door until he found himself in the right room − Jace and Beala were sitting together at a table, apparently discussing something.

Her older brother rose from his seat and turned pale at the sight of them, horrified.

Her husband walked into his quarters with a wide, menacing smile, exactly the same one he bestowed on him and Luke when they saw him duelling with Criston Cole in King's Landing. He put his hands behind his back, shifting his body weight to one leg, cocking his head.

"− haven't you learned yet not to take what's not yours? − hm? −"

"− Aemond −" She said warningly, but her uncle didn't listen to her, his healthy eye wide open, as if he was just waiting for this.

An opportunity for confrontation.

"− your sister when we were children told me that she never desired you as a man − she knew even then that you were a cunt −" He sneered amused, revealing his teeth in a wide grin full of feigned recognition.

"− Aemond, that's enough −"

"− how dare you? − you are a guest under our roof − get out −" Baela thundered.

She felt a squeeze in her heart at the thought that she knew nothing.

She moved ahead and stood in front of her husband, looking at him with furrowed brows.

"− we are leaving −"

"− no − I'm speaking with my nephew −"

"− we are leaving, uncle, or I swear I will never return with you to King's Landing −"

"− so I'll stay here with you − Jace as ruler of Dragonstone will surely be delighted to host us, won't he? − he seems to have a weakness for you, sweet wife −" He murmured in a voice filled with poison, from which a strong shiver ran along her back.

"− Jace, say something at last! −" Baela hissed, furious that her betrothed simply looked at their uncle and remained silent, unable to get a word out.

"− I made a mistake − I shouldn't have done it, forgive me − I −" He directed his words to her, to his sister, sadness and regret in his gaze, from which she involuntarily felt sympathy.

"− you made a mistake? − I seem to be able to understand the feeling − I have made a similar one many times, as well as others, even worse ones −" Her husband hissed, gripping her cheeks in his hand − her voice stuck in her throat as his fleshy lips clung to hers in an aggressive, loud kiss, his tongue forced its way deep into her throat.

She sighed as he turned her back to him, pressing her brutally against his chest and grabbed her neck − she grasped his wrist as his free hand slid down her lower abdomen, his fingers dug into the material of her gown beneath which her womanhood lay, she could feel his hot breath on her cheek.

"− so beautiful, isn't she, nephew? − I couldn't help myself either − I can't count how many times I took her − how many times I have filled her with my seed − right here −" He breathed out into her ear and she closed her eyes, feeling with horror and disbelief that her nipples had hardened, that her walls had clenched around nothing at his embarrassing words, feeling his finger tease what lay between her thighs despite her resistance.

"− u-uncle − stop −" She muttered, a moan stuck in her throat as she felt his erection behind her throb hard at her words, pushing against her buttocks, his fingertips dug deep into her folds hidden beneath the fabric.

Gods, he wanted her brother to watch this.

Baela looked at Jace as if she suddenly understood everything, her eyebrows arched in pain and disbelief.

"− what did you do? −" She asked quietly, her older brother shook his head, all red, turning his face away, unable to look at it.

"− I −" He didn't finish; her uncle let her go immediately, panting loudly as she did when Daemon walked into the chamber, looking at them, then at Jace and his daughter.

He grinned.

"− what is the meaning of this...commotion? − hm? −" He asked, raising his eyebrows in amusement and mockery; she looked away and glanced at her uncle, shaking her head with furrowed brows, letting him know that he was to remain silent.

Her husband pressed his lips into a thin line, but did not utter a word.

They stood in awkward silence, with only the quiet fizzle of the blazing fire in the fireplace around them.

"Mmm." Her husband hummed and turned away, heading for the door. Not knowing what to do, she simply moved after him, casting only one apologetic glance at Baela.

When they finally returned to her chamber she let out a loud breath.

"− what was that supposed to mean? −" She asked in frustration, wondering what had possessed him.

She tried not to think about how embarrassingly wet she was now.

"− I don't know what you're referring to, wife − I've merely shown my nephew the depth of my understanding as to his desire −" He grinned, grabbing a jug full of wine, pouring himself a full cup of it.

She licked her lower lip in impatience, standing still and watching him − their gazes met as he raised the goblet to his lips and took a deep sip from it.

"− what − are you wet now? −" He sneered and she felt a hot wave of shame surge through her body − she felt like her cheeks had turned scarlet.

"− don't mock me − this was humiliating −" She growled, furrowing her brow, a smirk on his face that she didn't like.

"− if you say so, wife −" He muttered, approaching her lazily, playing with his cup in his hand, raising it to his lips again "− I, however, think you'd rather I did something else −"

He said and took another sip of wine, swallowing it loudly, towering over her with a look from which a pleasant shiver ran through her core.

"− I think you'd rather I fucked you good in front of him − for me to slip my fingers under your skirt and sink them into your leaking cunt −" He murmured, leaning over her so that the tips of their noses were almost touching, her walls swelling all over at his words − she felt a drop of her own wetness run down her thigh.

"− am I wrong? −" He asked, cocking his head curiously, taking another sip of wine from his goblet without taking his eyes off her.

She drew in a loud breath as he set his cup down on the table standing beside them with a loud clang of steel, taking a step towards her, his lips parted in desire.

Gods, no.

"− don't touch me −"

She saw him squint his eyes as he hesitated, his nostrils flaring in accelerated breath.

She knew he was hard.

She knew he wanted to soften her up.

"Mmm."

She immediately summoned her servant wishing that she would help her pull off her gown and let her hair down. After this, she lay down in bed, covering herself with thick furs, not looking at him or speaking a word to him. She swallowed hard when she heard him lie down right next to her and closed her eyelids when she felt his hot breath on her neck.

She thought he would try to touch her, embrace her and give her a reason to push him away, but he just lay behind her back, driving her crazy.

She waited for some time, listening to his quiet breathing, and decided that he was surely asleep by now; her hand slipped silently into the material of her nightgown, lifting it up. She swallowed quietly, tightening her lips as her fingers sank into her leaking, soft, hot womanhood begging to be fulfilled, teasing and squeezing the bud between its fleshy folds.

She felt herself grow hot, her heart began to pound like mad at the indecent idea that these was his hand touching her in front of Jace, making him watch, wanting him to see what her fulfilment looked like.

She felt her walls clench greedily around nothing at the thought, her fingers teasing the spot between her puffy folds with circular, intense strokes.

Involuntarily, her hips began to rock softly to the rhythm of the flicks of her own fingers, she felt that she was wonderfully close to fulfilment.

"− what are you doing? −" She heard his low, cool voice and froze completely. She swallowed hard, sliding her hand, sticky with her own moisture from between her thighs, and remained silent, unwilling to give him the satisfaction.

"− go on −" He said in a hoarse, deep voice from which a shiver went down her spine. She heard a rustling behind her and then the sticky sound of skin slapping against skin − his hot breathing quickened, heavy and ragged. "− come on −"

She couldn't help herself; his fingers dug into her swollen folds again causing a wave of heat to pass through her body − she felt pleasant tickling sensations in her lips, fingertips and nipples. She moaned quietly when she felt his nose pressed against her hair, her hips involuntarily began to rock when she heard him begin to pant, the splats behind her getting louder, louder and louder.

"− fuck − you know I'd lick you good there − hm? −" He sighed and she felt her whole body quiver, her fingers teasing her puffy pearl all sticky from her own wetness.

"− mhgm −" She whined, tilting her head back, feeling his hot, uneven breath on her ear, his swollen, wet lips run down her neck.

"− are you leaking? − are you leaking at the thought of how good I would make you feel? − at the thought of your brother watching me fuck his little sister? −" He breathed out, and she moaned loudly as she felt a wonderful, relieved sensation at his words, her fulfilment shaking her like a hot, tickling wave.

Her slit pulsed all under her fingers as her own moisture leaked out of her, she shuddered when she felt his warm, rough tongue run across the bare skin of her neck, leaving a slick, wet mark on it.

"− fuck, Rheanys −" He muttered and after a moment he gasped − she felt something sticky and warm spurt out onto the back of her nightgown.

His seed.

Gods.

She closed her eyelids, trying to calm her breathing, furious at herself and her weakness.

"− let me embrace you −"

"− no −"

She heard him huff, sighing heavily, his face still sunk into her neck.

"− move away, uncle −"

"− I inhale the wonderful scent of vanilla after having experienced fulfilment with my wife −"

"− your wife does not wish for this −"

"− sleep −"

She pressed her lips together and swallowed hard, thinking with frustration that she hated him with all her heart.

#aemond fic #aemond fanfiction #aemond targaryen #hotd aemond #aemond smut #aemond angst #aemond fanfic #canon aemond #aemond targaryen smut #aemond targaryen angst #aemond #aemond one eye #prince aemond #hotd fanfic #prince aemond targaryen #aemond x oc #aemond x original female character #aemond x original character #aemond x female #aemond hotd #house of the dragon #hotd fandom #hotd fic #hotd fanfiction #ewan mitchell #ewan mitchell smut #ewan mitchell angst #ewan mitchell fanfiction #ewan mitchell fanfic #aemond x niece

[v3nusxsky]

Hey hey hey - 🦭

Can you do an Alpha Larissa X Pregnant Omega Reader. Where reader is pregnant with twins one a boy, and the other is girl. And Larissa is proud like a peacock, that she managed to give her mate and wife a litter of two pups when her family was known not to conceive a litter. ( for more that 4 generations they never managed to have litters in their family, and reader broke the curse. )

Babies then are born and Larissa is shocked when her pups are both born with white hair just like hers. Larissa cries to reader in happiness and reader is laughing and showing her family through camera another generation curse broken. ( white hair is very hard for Larissa’s family to conceive, but that genetic inheritance has been shown through generations before it stopped and miraculously Larissa was born with it and now her pups have it. ( Which is a miracle for Larissa’s family.) both families jokingly saying that reader is a miracle worker.

Hope you have a nice weekend Mars!

Blessings

*Authors note~ we interrupt sinful souls for a little fluffy Larissa fic🥹 enjoy y’all I’m burnt out with school work and this little fic is what I managed to create*

Trigger warnings~ pregnancy? Birth? Omegaverse

Prompt~ see ask^^^

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Life with your Alpha is more than you could’ve ever dreamed off, you remember how she found you suffering alone through your first heat, how scared she was to not be able to help. With your past and how Omegas are treated you couldn’t tolerate touch of any kind especially in heat. Your pained whimpers and whines of fear whenever an Alpha was in close proximity to you broke the blondes heart. It was then she realised, you were destined to be her Omega. She didn’t get this way with any of the other Omega staff, just you.

With time and effort from both of you, your Omega called for her to help during your heat about a year later. Now being your Alpha and girlfriend Larissa did everything and anything to ensure your comfort and safety. Time is a great healer of wounds, and with Larissa by your side you finally got to heal. Heat after heat she proved to you she’d be here in whatever way you need and want her. Happy to just cuddle and scent you into a little moment of peace or to give into her wolf and take her Omega.

The little test with the bright blue lines sat on her desk as she went to make her morning tea. After your previous heat, you’d noticed you felt a little differently, some of the older Omega students even noting your scent was off, so naturally you panicked and well. You’re pregnant. It’s not something you’d planned for right now but with that little blue plus starring right at you, you knew that this was the perfect time.

To say Larissa was extatic would’ve been an understatement, the moment she saw that test, you became the most fragile diamond in the world. Larissa always had to be touching you at all times. And when your stomach started to swell? Well, she was always rubbing and holding your stomach as you leant your weight on her. Introducing you as her gorgeous wife to be. She made sure you got every craving, she was there for every appointment, bout of sickness and even the false contractions.

Giving birth that night will forever be a memory. A perfect prince entered the world with a little squeaky squeal of protest, absolutely perfect in every way. Itching to hold your new pup until another sharp contraction hit. Something was wrong. You immediately called for your Alpha in fear, instructing her to be with your son despite how exhausted and terrified you were. And just a few minutes later your daughter arrived. “It’s a girl” was all you remember before blacking out.

“Alpha?” You whined coming back to the world, “where’s baby boy?” You mumbled not even being able to open your eyes yet. “Shh my sweet omega, he’s right here with his sister. You did so good my love. A litter of pups. So beautiful” she whispered eyes never leaving the sleeping infants. “Two?!” You mumbled trying to sit up despite the strong aftershocks of giving birth to two babies, “I thought I imagined her.”

Only when you held your daughter in your arms did you finally believe it. You’d given your Alpha a litter. Knowing the family history for Larissa it’s unheard of to have a litter. No wonder Larissa is grinning from ear to ear. Only then did you realise you hadn’t been able to dress the pups in their outfits, thank god for getting one for each gender! Larissa gently taking your daughter as you undressed your son.

“Sweet girl? She-“ happy tears trailed down Larissa’s cheeks as she spotted the Snow White curls on your daughter’s head. Larissa didn’t know where her hair colour came from, no one else living in the family had it, yet here her baby girl was with the same stunning feature. “Alpha” you murmured taking your son’s little hat off to show the same coloured hair. “Y/n! They are perfect. Your perfect. My perfect darling Omgea”, your precious litter completing your family was all so perfect.

Larissa’s aunt couldn’t wait to meet the pups, your family stood with her as they all awaited the new arrivals. Larissa, proud as ever carried both car seats into Nevermore, got you settled on the sofa with both babies in your arm, water in your favourite flask at your side. “Theodore Rodwell James, this is your family baby boy, our sweet prince” you murmured happily allowing your mother to hold her grandson. “And this beauty is Isla Arwen Saige, our little surprise” you murmured before handing her off to Larissa’s aunt. “Auntie look at her hair” Larissa prompted unable to wipe the smug smile off her face. The shock around the room being nothing but a beautiful buzz as both babies were passed around the family and congratulations given to the new mothers.

“Two curses broken, what a little miracle worker you are dear” your mother teased before pressing a sweet kiss on your cheeks. “M sweet girl?” Larissa murmured after taking a seat next you. “Alpha?” Was all you offered as you lulled your head to rest on her shoulder. “My darling omega, thank you for this blessing”

Word count~906

#🦭 anon #anon answered #v3nusxsky answers #fanfic #anon requested #🦭 #larrisa weems #principal larissa weems #omegaverse #alpha Larissa Weems #omega reader #larissa weems x reader #weems #principleweemsxreader #weems x reader

[heretherebedork]

Alright, mini color theory written on my phone while waiting for a train incoming. And stealing some of @respectthepetty 's terminology but also kind of misusing it.

I believe that Gi Seop was a green guy and turned into a red menace when he stopped saying no to anything and that Jin Woo both represents love and safety to him because he can say no. (And also that Jin Woo might secretly be a pink person but that's still in the works)

The more Gi Seop thinks about saying no, the more he thinks about Jin Woo, the more we see a mix of green and red on his body and as it goes on, less and less red.

The red is because he can't say no. That's what makes him a menace. That's what hurts the people around him and discourages Jin Woo, the one person he truly wants to see him... even if he doesn't understand that.

And this line just breaks me and hurts Jin Woo and Gi Seop had just no idea why this one phrase means so much to other people. He never says no. He has to accept. He creates this chaos and this lack of boundaries for himself and doesn't understand other people's boundaries either.

But he does it out of this seemingly completely naive and innocent place. He has no idea how or why this bothers people. It's just... what he does. It's fascinating and painful and Jin Woo says it's because he's used to being loved but I don't think he is. I don't think Gi Seop had every truly felt loved or understood what that meant and is desperately chasing what he thinks that feeling means when he really doesn't know.

And this leads to my theory that Jin Woo is actually a pink person who had tried to change himself into a blue person (or blue green, his colors look teal to me but I think that's just my monitor) to escape being the love person, the one who loved what he could never have and convinced himself he never truly wanted.

But he's the person who can truly show Gi Seop what being loved means and brings emotional comfort and stability to his chaotic life while Gi Seop can bring some chaos but also deeper emotions and honestly back into Jin Woo's life.

Green, red, pink, and blue. Honesty, chaos, love, and loyalty.

#boys be brave #boys be brave! #bl drama #bl series #asianlgbtqdramas #asian lgbtq dramas #korean bl #korean bl drama #kbl #korean drama #kdrama #korean bl series #colors mean things #or they might #and i might be off my rocker with this

[winchesterwild78]

Unexpected Hunter Pt 10

Unexpected Hunter Master List

Chapter Warnings: angst, oral sex-male receiving, violence, squint your eyes and a little smut, fluff, I think that’s it sorry if it isn’t.

A/N: Kind of a long chapter-sorry 😆, Our lovebirds are on a hunt together and things get intense. I edited this fast so please overlook any mistakes

All work is my own, don’t take it

18+ Minors DNI

*********************************************

It’s been a few weeks since the wedding and honeymoon. You and Dean had an amazing time together. The weather was perfect, you went swimming, made love as much as you could and just enjoyed being with each other. Dean loved being at the beach and you loved spending time with him. You were happy to be home though. You missed your babies and Sam.

Jack let your family and Bobby stay until you and Dean came home. They helped take care of the twins and spent time catching up with everyone. You would always be grateful to Jack for giving you and Dean time with your family. It was sad to say goodbye again, but it felt good to have them witness your wedding and see your children.

Dean jumped right into daddy duties and Sam of course kept looking for cases. Some cases you, Dean and the twins would go on, some just you and Dean would go on with Sam. The twins would stay with either Donna or Jodi. You were thankful they didn’t go all the time. Dean really wanted to keep you and the twins as far away from hunting as possible, but you told him if he was going to stay in the life then you were too.

He knew it was pointless to argue with you. Sam found a case he needed Dean to go on. You told the guys you were going too. Considering the case involved a child eating witch, you decided the twins would stay with Donna. Dean tried to convince you to stay home but you told him no. You knew now more than ever what those mothers would be going through so you were going.

Everyone packed and you loaded the twins in the car. You sat in between them and Dean and Sam sat up front. Bobby and Jodi were giggling and playing with you. You were so focused on them you didn’t notice Dean watching and smiling at you. He really loved watching you as a mom. He often said you were a natural and the twins were so lucky to have such an amazing mom.

After about an hour the twins fell asleep. You watched the countryside pass by as you stared out the window. You looked up and saw Dean looking at you in the rear view mirror. You offered him a soft smile and he gave you one back. Not too much longer and Dean was pulling into Donna’s driveway. He and Sam grabbed the twins as you got out of the car. She gave you all a hug and you carried the twins bags in the guest room. “Thank you Donna for watching them. I really felt like I needed to go on this case too. I can’t imagine the pain these mothers are feeling. I would be devastated if something happened to those two.” You said gesturing at your sleeping babies.

“You know I love when they come to visit. Aunt Donna enjoys spoiling them.” She said with a smile. “Sweetheart, we’ve got to get on the road if we’re going to be there before dark” Dean said walking in the room. You hugged Donna and gave the twins a kiss on the head. Dean gave Donna a hug and told her thank you. He walked over to the twins and stood there looking at them for a minute. His heart twinged a bit thinking about this case. He understood why it was important for you to go. He kissed the twins and then left the room.

The three of you piled in the car. Sam insisted you ride shotgun and you were happy to do it. Any excuse to be close to your husband. You sat in the middle next to Dean who had one hand on the wheel and the other draped behind you. He pulled you close to his side. You would never get tired of being close to him. You loved everything about him, especially his heart.

You didn’t know a lot about his childhood but what you did broke your heart. He had to be mom and dad to Sam and he shouldered everything. He wanted Sam to have as much of a normal childhood as possible and would often intervene in John and Sam’s arguments. He desperately needed someone to take care of him but it was hard for him to let anyone in. He felt like he always had to be the giver and would feel selfish if he took anything or enjoyed anything. You understood this was why he tried to push you away when you first fell in love.

You laid your head on his shoulder and teased him with your hand on his thigh. You’d giggle and move your hand up closer to his bulge. He’d suck air in and give you a look. Sam had fallen asleep in the backseat so you took the opportunity to tease your husband a little more. You looked back at Sam and saw he was out cold and had his earbuds in.

Once you saw he was asleep and couldn’t hear you decided to be extra naughty. You got a mischievous grin on your face and your hands found Dean’s belt. You unhooked it and Dean looked at you. “What are you doing sweetheart” he asked with a grin. “Oh nothing. Just having some fun. Passing the time” you smirked. He looked back and saw Sam was asleep so he adjusted in the seat. You pulled down his pants just enough to release his already hard cock.

You leaned over and licked his shaft from the base to the tip. Once you were at the tip you took it all in your mouth. Taking your tongue and swirling it up and down his shaft. Dean took his hand and gently pushed your head back and forth on his cock. You sucked hard and deep. He was groaning and trying to focus on the road. He growled as you sucked and licked him. Getting faster you could hear his breath hitching. “Oh god. I’m going to cum sweetheart. Don’t stop” Dean said moving his hips. You picked up the pace as you sucked him deeper down your throat. You knew you were loud but you didn’t care. “Ugh…god…. I’m….” Was all Dean could say before he released his load down your throat. You licked up every last drop.

When you sat up you helped get him dressed and leaned in to kiss him. “God I love you. You didn’t have to do that” he said kissing you again. “I know I didn’t. I wanted to. I love you too Dean” you said sitting back in the seat.

You held Dean’s hand as he drove on towards the destination. As you got closer your mind kept drifting to the twins. What would you do if something happened to them? Are they really safe with you and Dean in this life? What about when they get older, are we really raising them to be hunters? You were consumed with these thoughts when Dean noticed you looked upset. “Hey y/n, are you okay” he asked looking over at you. “Yeah, just thinking about the future and our children. I guess we never got a chance to talk about what their future will look like and how we would handle hunting. It’s just this case. It’s hitting me hard now that I’m a mom.” You said looking out the window. A tear slipped out and you quickly wiped it away. You didn’t think Dean saw it but he did.

Dean took your hand and squeezed it. “Baby, we don’t have to do this. We can leave the life and have that apple pie life we’ve talked about. Raise the twins to play not to hunt. With Jack up there and looking over us I know we would be okay.” Dean said smiling at you.

“I know that babe. I just worry about who would help the mothers and fathers who are missing their children because some monster took them or worse. Right now I’m capable of helping them and reunite their families. How can I turn my back on that, but then I look at our children and I would walk through hell to keep them safe and have a normal childhood. I don’t want them to ever have to grow up too fast or have to raise each other because you and I were killed on a hunt. Dean, I don’t know what the right answer is and it kills me.” You said as your tears started to fall.

“Shhhh, it’s okay sweetheart. We don’t have to make a decision right now. We are doing just fine and the kids are happy, healthy and safe. You make sure of that.” Dean said holding you close. You just leaned against him and cried. He held you as he drove. He sighed when he finally saw the hotel come into view.

Sam climbed out and got two rooms. Dean grabbed the bags and you went to your room. You called Donna to check on the twins and she said they were playing and have a blast. You thanked her again and hung up. Dean came into the room with the bags and set them down. He hugged you tight and gave you a gentle kiss. “We’ll figure it out baby. I promise. No matter what we decide we will decide it together. I made a promise to you and our children to always protect you and no matter what that looks like I’m going to do it. I love you and our children so much and I’ll stop at nothing to keep you all safe.” Dean said hugging you.

Sam knocked on the door and Dean told him to come in. The three of you sat looking over the lore and getting right to work on the case. Sam and Dean decided to head to the police station and you gathered more information about the missing children. The child who went missing first was a little girl about 18 months old. She was at the park with her babysitter when she was taken.

You decided to head to the park to look for clues. Dean met you there and the both of you went to talk to her mother. She welcomed you both in and she looked exhausted. You knew she hadn’t slept and your heart broke for her. She showed you a picture of her daughter and your heart stopped. Her daughter had dirty blond hair and bright green eyes like your Jodi. You took her hand and said “I promise you I will stop at nothing to bring your baby girl back to you.” She smiled at you, hugged you and told you thank you.

Her daughter was close in age to your children and your mama instincts kicked in. You thanked her for her time and you and Dean left. When you got to the car Dean opened the door for you and you climbed in. Once inside you just cried. You thought about her empty arms and how you would be devastated if something happened to the twins. You really didn’t know how she was functioning. Dean climbed in and put his arms around you. “I know baby. It’s going to be okay. We will find them.” He said trying to calm you down.

When you two got back to the hotel Sam was there looking over the lore and the case files. You sat down with tears still staining your face and opened the files. You were determined to get these children home safely. Sam looked at you then up at Dean. Dean offered him a soft smile. Sam knew you had been crying but Dean’s smile assured him you’d be okay.

You poured over the files and you realized this had been happening in this area for decades. You were able to trace it back to colonial times. Digging deeper you found a connection.

“Guys, this witch is targeting specific families and their children. It’s been going on for generations. She must have a vendetta against them. That’s the only thing that makes sense.” You said looking between Sam and Dean. A few minutes later “Oh my god.” You said. “What” both guys said. “She leaves one child alive as a warning of what’s coming. The last child left alive should be about 50 now. Her name is Josephine Miller. We need to go talk to her.” You said. Sam and Dean agreed. Sam put his hand on your shoulder “great job Y/N. You’ve always been an amazing hunter” he said. You nodded and smiled.

The three of you got your FBI clothes on and headed for the car. Before you got in Dean kissed you. He knew you were anxious so he wanted to help calm you. His kiss and touch always seemed to help ground you. The three of you drove to Ms Miller’s house. You got out and approached her home.

Before you could knock an older woman opened the door. You gave her a soft smile and introduced yourself and the guys. She looked suspicious and said “you’re not FBI, you’re hunters.” You, Sam and Dean exchanged looks. She stepped to the side and let you guys in. You all took a seat and you asked her how she knew the three of you were hunters. She explained when she was taken a really nice man came and saved her and had told her parents he was a hunter that hunted monsters. He was mad the witch got away but he was happy she was safe. She smiled and said “when the witch got away I remember he yelled “balls” and I giggled because I had never heard language like that before.” You looked at Sam and Dean and smiled. Bobby had been on this case before.

The four of you sat and talked about what she remembered about the witch. She said she remembered the witch would feed her and the other kids. If the kids cried too much or didn’t eat for her, she turned them into statues for her garden. You asked her if she remembered why she let her go and she said all the witch kept saying was “I looked like her”. She said she never understood what that meant. “May I see a picture of you from around the time you were taken” you asked her. Sam and Dean looked at you confused and then at each other. You gasped when you saw the picture. She had dirty blonde hair and green eyes. “Do you remember where she took you” Dean asked.

“Yeah it’s not that far in the woods. Right off the highway behind Miller’s Country Store. My parents owned it, now my brother and his family run it.” She said. The three of you thanked her for her time and left. She stopped you and told you to be careful. “That witch is nasty. She’s after the founding families of this town. Her daughter was accidentally killed by them. They were trying to go after the witch and she got caught in the crossfire. The witch has taken a child from each generation since.” You thanked her and left.

When you got back to the hotel the three of you changed. Dean was trying to be flirty but your mind kept thinking about the case, the missing children, the witch’s child and your twins. Dean looked at you and said something you didn’t hear. “Hey, sweetheart. You okay” he asked walking up to you. “Yeah. This case is just getting to me. Ms Miller told me the witch is targeting the founding families because they killed her child. It makes me sad, but she’s still hurting children. I’m torn as a mother and as a hunter. If someone hurt our children I’d stop at nothing to make them suffer, but I wouldn’t hurt another child. I just want to find her and get this over with. I want to be home with our children. I know they are safe with Donna, but I’d feel better holding them.” You said sitting on the bed. “I know. Sammy is getting the location for us now so we don’t go in blind.” He gets up and pulls you off the bed wrapping his arms around you. “It’ll be okay y/n, I promise. We will get the kids back to their parents and take care of the witch. Before we know it we will be back home holding our babies close.” Dean said kissing the top of your head.

Sam walked in and said he found the house. Y’all geared up and took off towards the witch’s house. The three of you approached quietly and you could hear a baby crying for their mother. You looked at Dean and before he could stop you, you burst through the front door. Sam and Dean exchanged looks and ran after you. You startled the witch and she was about to throw you into the wall but she stopped. Sam and Dean burst through the open doorway and she flung them into the opposite wall. Pinning them to it. All they could do was stand there and watch her make her way over towards you.

“Mmmm you smell delicious” she hissed at you. “Let the children go. I know what happened to your baby. It was an accident. They didn’t mean to kill her. Please, let these children go home to their mothers’ empty arms.” You pleaded as tears filled your eyes. The baby you heard crying was in the corner crying and calling out “mama”. Your heart broke. The witch stepped closer to you and took a long sniff up your neck. Dean became enraged and tried to break free. She grabbed your face and licked your cheek. You turned away in disgust. “Don’t you touch her you bitch.” Dean yelled from across the room. The witch flung her hand towards him and he couldn’t talk. She cackled and turned back to you.

“Now, why do you taste and smell so good” she asked. She circled around you and looked you up and down. “Ah yes. You’ve had a child, no wait (sniffs again) ooh two delicious children. I can still taste and smell them on you.” She said. It sent a shiver down your spine. A single tear fell from your eye. You looked over at the baby. She was barely crying now. Poor baby was exhausted.

You looked at the witch and then over at Sam and Dean. You mouthed “I love you” to Dean. His eyes went wide and he shook his head wildly no. Sam shouted No. It was too late. You took all your strength and lunged at the witch. Knocking her back and off her feet you had her pinned to the ground. You held her hands down and grabbed your knife you kept in your boot. Plunging it into her chest. This knife was a little gift from Rowena. It had a powerful spell on it that allowed you to kill all sorts of monsters, including witches. Once you plunged the knife in she screamed in pain and the boys dropped to the floor. Dean ran over to you and Sam ran over to the baby. Dean grabbed you hugging and kissing you while he was yelling at you for doing something that could have gotten you killed.

You saw Sam with the baby and you ran over to him taking her carefully. She was still breathing and was okay.

Dean and Sam burned the witch’s body and searched for any survivors. They found the other missing children in the basement and they were all okay. You carried the baby outside and climbed into the Impala. Dean called the local police to come out and get the children you found. Dean climbed in the front and Sam in the back. You looked at Dean and said “let’s take her to her mom”. He smiled at you and drove towards her house.

When you pulled up you were carrying the sleeping baby girl and her mother opened the door and gasped. She ran to you and you handed her the sweet baby girl. She cried and thanked you for bringing her baby safely home. She hugged you and both of you cried. The baby woke up and saw her mother and cried “mama”. You, Dean and Sam walked away and left them alone.

Once back at the hotel you collapsed on the bed. Dean climbed in next to you and snuggled up to you. “You did amazing today baby. You scared the hell out of me, but you went with your gut and took her down. Those mothers have their children back tonight because of you and what you did.” He kissed your lips and pulled you tight.

“Thank you, Dean. I don’t know what the future holds for us and hunting, but I know we will figure it out together. I love you and I’m sorry I scared you. All I could think about was what if that was Bobby or Jodi in there. I’d want someone not to hesitate to get to them.” You said as you kissed him.

You both took a shower and cleaned off the grime from the day. Once in your comfy clothes you snuggled under the blanket with Dean. He kissed you softly and ran his hands through your hair. You moaned into his mouth. His movements were slow and gentle. Dean knew you needed him but you also needed tonight to be able connection and not rushed. He slowly ran his hands over your body and removed your clothes. You helped remove his and you slowly ran your hands on his chest and over his strong arms.

He captured your lips in a soft but passionate kiss. As he made love to you his strong arms held you tight. You felt safe and content in his arms. Dean was an incredible lover, but it was something different when he made love to you. He had a hard time telling you how much he loved you, but when he made love to you he showed you. When you were done and cleaned up he took you in his arms and held you as you both drifted off to sleep. You couldn’t wait to get home to your babies, but tonight you had your husband and that’s all you needed right now.

Forever tags: @nescaveckdaily @nescaveckwriter @kr804573 @jensengirl83 @k-slla @jackles010378 @jawritter @xx-spooky-little-vampire-xx @roseblue373

#hes gorgeous #so damn sexy #dean x reader #dean winchester #spn #dean winchester smut

[lazerswordweilder]

I wanna see Danny absolutely insane. Not like. We got too silly insane. Like, pushed past his breaking point, desperately trying to hold on, for the fifth time this week, and it’s Monday.

I wanna see him smile when Dash shoves him into his locker, because he’s not sure what to do. On one hand he’s so done with this, and he knows he could end Dash in a fraction of a second. On the other hand, it was almost reassuring, nostalgic, he remembers when this used to hurt.

I wanna see ghosts and humans alike, go to hurt or bother Danny Fenton Phantom. And have them stop when he turns around, because the look in his eyes is not something they understand nor want to mess with. Lancer saw a weight he thought only characters in books could possibly have to carry, Paulina saw tears and when has anyone ever seen him cry, Vlad saw exhaustion that cuts into your very core but you have to keep going because that’s what’s expected of you, Ember saw grief and pain over something that never happened but could’ve been, Dash saw pain a hundred times worse than anything he’s ever felt, Jazz saw protectiveness of a kingdom who hates him, Wes swears he looked insane.

And Danny? Danny is done with their shit. And he doesn’t swear. He’s so tired of everything, he’s so close to giving up, he is very much not feeling phantastic right now. He’s got more scar tissue than skin, he’s pretty sure everything he owns has at least a little of his blood on it by now, he’s forgotten what feeling okay is like, and he can’t even begin to describe everything else, and he means everything. He’s got half the mind to track down who ever said death was peaceful and make them deal with his life. But he’s a hero. Right?

He knows he’s got duties, the Realms needs a king, Amity needs a protector (both the humans and the ghosts), Danny Fenton needs to go to school. Oh and he’s pretty sure Frostbite is having a panic attack after looking at him which is ridiculous. But still, the stars seem real inviting right now, he wonders if Clockwork would turn back time for him and just let him sleep on the moon for 200 or so years. Probably not. (Clockwork absolutely would’ve). He might just do it anyways. It’s kind of ridiculous how much somethings just look like comfy beds to sleep in for a trillion years to him now, he fell asleep in a snow bank earlier which wasn’t nearly cold enough. But it’s kind of fair Danny supposes, he can’t remember the last time his home really felt like home, and Amity in general is his haunt, but eh, whatever.

Still though, having your enemy worried for you is really something. Like Vlad should comment, Vlad’s the source of a small fraction of his problems! Which is a lot! First of all having to worry about another source of constant attacks, having to try and convince his parents that Vlad is so clearly evil, having to check up on Dani and also make sure Vlad isn’t trying anything like that again, and not to mention the whole mayor of the town he lives in thing.

Okay this kind of got off track. But my point is, I want it to be too much, instead of somehow managing to survive it all and getting help, Danny gets pushed off the edge (and can’t get out) and he just goes crazy, he breaks down right in the middle of school over a minor inconvenience, laughing then sobbing then screaming then wailing for ancients knows how long. Then he flies off somewhere and continues to breakdown for a while, then he returns to his life like nothing happens, but it did.

That was it.

He can’t be pulled back now. You had your chance. You all had so many chances. And now he’s lost it for good. And you all deserve it.

He’s not going to apologise for punching Dash through a wall, he’s not going to apologise for whatever he did in that little blacked out period of time, he’s not going to apologise for taking a nap in the observatory and hissing and attacking all the tourists and everyone else, he’s not going to apologise for dissecting his parents, he’s not going to apologise for making Vlad regret it, he’s not going to apologise for making the ghost writer eat a book, he’s not going to apologise at all.

You let him get like this. He doesn’t want to shift the blame. But what was he supposed to do? No. Oh no. Don’t try to explain. This is all your fault. And he’s tired of pretending he’s fine. And he’s tired of helping. Because you lost that a while back.

You all don’t even know how dead you are to him, he had a little regret when it came to Sam and Tucker and Jazz, and that’s why they’re alive right now. Because they did all they could, well, not all they could, but that was because he asked them not to tell. Maybe he shouldn’t off.

-

All hail the high king Danny Fenton Phantom. The king who never stopped crying.

#danny phantom #lazerswordweilder writes

[theyanderespecialist]

(Remake) Base Yandere Husk Headcanons: Consent Is Key

[Hello, My Sexy Muffins I am back with a new chapter! This one is with Husk! Hope you enjoy this! So let's do this!] 

(Disclaimer: Husk is not yandere in canon this is just for fun and not to be taken seriously at all! Simping for fictional characters and yanderes is fine! Just do not be illegal or gross about it! Also, remember to separate fiction from reality and headcanon from canon! Yanderes are not ideal partners to have in real life.) 

-Base Yandere Headcanons With Husk From Hazbin Hotel- 

.Husk is a grumpy old sinner in hell, he used to be an overlord but lost it all. 

.Making a deal with Alastor to save his power, and now he is on that demon's leash. 

.Husk is a hazbin, having been an overlord and once at the top. He fell and now is an old shell of himself. 

.He drinks, he gambles, and he wallows. 

.There is one thing that does make him feel all warm and fuzzy, but he would never tell anyone about it. 

.And that is you, his sweet little kitten. 

.You have not been in hell anywhere close as long as him, so he kind of takes you under his wing. 

.He keeps you from making mistakes like making deals with overlords or getting so drunk that you get hurt. 

.He also hates when you are not being genuine or honest with him. He hates it more than anything else almost. 

.He wants to be someone you can come to when you need someone, be the person that you search for in a crowd, be your one and only. 

.He hates that he is not that, he thought he lost the ability to love long ago. 

.So at first he will try and drink his feelings for you away, though he knows that it is not doing anything for him. 

.It does not even numb the pain of not being with you, probably actually makes it worse. 

.He does not remember the last time he has been able to sleep without dreaming of you. 

.He does remember the last time that he has felt this way, if ever. 

.You become like his new bottle of booze, his new addiction and the more he is with you the more he NEEDS you, and CANNOT live without you. 

.He genuinely cares about you and wants you safe, and if anyone tried to take advantage of you, without your consent, they would be dead. 

.Husk does not, and will not play around with that shit. 

.Consent is important to them, for you to have your consent taken from you would make him so angry. 

.So he would never force you in any way, not even to make you love him. 

.He wants you to love him of your own free will and for it to be real. 

.He would die to keep you safe as a yandere he is protective of you, and very much a guiding yandere. 

.Guiding you to keep you safe, and a little bit of guiding in the romance to try and romance you. 

.He has not dated in a long time so of course he is out of practice. 

.His dream date with you is just snuggled together on the couch by the fire, him reading to you. 

.That is his perfect date. 

.He is also a no-nonsense or bullshit kind of yandere. 

.He is not going to let you lie to him, he will not let you try and pull the wool over his eyes. 

.He can be firm, but he is also understanding, especially when you are honest with him. 

.He would fight a war with Angels for you. 

.He does not care how hard it may be. He will win you over. 

.Cause eventually he cannot live without your love, and will not live without your love. 

.He has to romance you first and if he fails he will try and try again. 

.How does he deal with rivals? 

.First, he warns them to stay away, if that does not work, he either makes a bet with them that he knows they will lose and force them to leave you, or he kills them. 

.It depends on what they did to you. 

.He knows it is selfish, he knows it is not fair to you, but he has not loved like this in any part of his life, and he is not letting you go. 

.He would confess to you after he romanced you for at least months. 

.If you say yes, his heart will swell and he might even shed a tear. 

.If you say no, he will try and try again, he will never force you, but he is not giving up. 

.Consent is key and he will get you to agree of your own free will to be his and his alone! 

[YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS Another chapter is done! I hope you all enjoyed this, and stay sexy, all of my sexy muffins!] 

#yandere #yandere husk #yandere hazbin hotel #yandere headcanons #headcanon #headcanons #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel husk #hazbin husk #husk x reader #reader #gender neutral reader

[malice-ov-mercy]

“You’ve broken me. All I can think about is you.”

Pairing: incubus!Adam De Micco x unnamed OFC

Content Warnings: mentions of death/dying, mentions of life/soul transferring (???), (im not entirely sure how to tag any of this to be completely honest)

Word Count: 600

Prompt from this list

“You’ve broken me. All I can think about is you.”

A/N: kind of a continuation of Adam’s Version. Also kind of just a mish mash of words.

Tag list: @circle-with-me @foliosriot @cookiesupplier @concretenoah @sitkowski @dominuslunae @poisongirl616 @deathblacksmoke @Gretavanomens

If you would like to be added, please fill out this form!

Adam Masterlist

“You’ve broken me. All I can think about is you.”

A statement that was more like a plea, I stood firm, willing away the unpleasant feeling coursing through blood. Until now, I’d never feared Adam. Other than being a demon, he’d never given me reason.

Sinfully beautiful and dripping with faux innocence, his smile blinded me.

“My sweet lamb, that’s entirely the point.” His voice held no remorse or sympathy for the way he’s ruined me.

I suppose I can’t blame him because he’s right. Adam’s sole purpose is to wreak havoc, make me helpless, crazed, and so reliant on him that I become involent. He’s to strip me not only of clothes, but my humanity and will so I’m less inclined to resist the inevitability of my demise. Seduction was an art, and by the Devil, Adam was a master.

Naive I may be to think I’ve somehow had a positive influence on him, this creature of dark nightmares, but I hadn’t given up hope yet. I was bought, a purchased good, but I still believed that somewhere in the depth of his demonic heart and the place where his soul used to be that he cared for me—more than he’d admit.

He stole less of my life every visit. Often, he’d bring me morsels of others to replenish what he stole. Did that make me the same as him? I didn’t feel any different.

“You let me feast on you, allow me the pleasure of returning the gesture. You taste better when you're alive and full.” He’d say, pouring essence into me. Those kisses and intimate moments were my most cherished. He was most tender and lovingly giving me life.

Perhaps Adam was lying to himself like I was myself. He’s been this way for longer than he can remember. Maybe he’s just forgotten what it’s like to love. He’s capable of it, I’m sure.

I knew my fate was sealed the second he appeared in my unconscious mind. Death would sing her hauntingly beautiful melody and soon I would have to join her.

“I’m not sure how much more I can offer you, Adam,” I confessed. Clouds obstructed the soft sky blue of his eyes, hiding his intentions—something that’s never happened before.

“There’s… enough.” He didn’t sound convinced. “As long as you keep accepting my offerings.”

I memorized every crack and print of his lips, could draw a perfect replica if or if not my life depended on it, but—

This was nothing like any of the others we’d shared. Pieces of me instantly broke apart and flowed easily to him the second we connected. Not now. I didn’t feel the familiar yet odd tingle of another’s life filling me. I felt… an unusual heat, like the beginnings of an eternal fire. It spread through me quickly, delightfully burning from the inside out.

Dizzy and lightheaded, I clung desperately to him, unashamed of my desire. His tongue ran across my bottom lip, asking for a taste of mine. I sold myself to him, he no longer had to ask, I was his forever—but still he always asked and I swooned all the same, like I always did.

A harsh sting of teeth piercing my neck pulled a pained moan from me that quickly dissipated to one of pleasure.

“A sweet little lamb,” Adam rasped against my skin, his breath fanning the fire he started, “once so perfect, so pure, sent herself to slaughter.”

I threaded my fingers through his silken tousled curls, overwhelmed with arousal.

“What is a wolf to do when he can’t kill his prey?”

#adam de micco x ofc #adam de micco fanfiction #adam de micco fanfic #adam de micco fic #lorna shore fanfiction #lorna shore fanfic #lorna shore fic

[suddencolds]

.

#not snz and not a vent... just passive musing #had a dream two nights ago where someone who i used to know (and love a little) wished me goodbye with a #kiss to the hand before i flew away from them forever on a magic chair #which is very stud//io g//hi//bli-esque and frankly very unserious but #the feeling of grief i felt saying goodbye to a friendship which i had once held so close to me - and which i know can probably never #be as close as it was at that point in my life - stuck with me for a long time even after i woke up #it's been something i've been thinking about for awhile... but the dream felt like such a concrete and painful severance #i think that like a childish part of me wants to hold the people i'm close to at #the same distance and trust that they will stay there forever #but logically i know it's natural that the people i met under certain circumstances might drift apart once those circumstances change #for one or both of us... i guess friendship really is just a lucky convergence at one point in time where everything aligns #like i know this and i have known this for awhile but god does it hurt #especially those kinds of goodbyes that feel so gradual... not like a clear severing of ties but just a gradual disappearance #i think i probably have to not feel so hung up over what i used to have. and for the most part i am not; life goes on #but for those people? #i sometimes just miss them #there's a special kind of hurt knowing that i could reach out to them and say hello and that they would probably respond but that it might #never be quite the same again

[cuteniaarts]

Fanny, my sweet, beautiful girl

17.11.2012 – 14.04.2019

#my art #artists on tumblr #I cannot accept that it has been 5 years already #I know covid messed with everyone’s sense of time but it simultaneously feels so much longer and so much shorter than that #exactly five years ago I was holding onto my mom for dear life and sobbing as we watched lilo and stitch together #not the best movie to watch when you’ve just lost your first ever pet you know #and then I cried myself to sleep at the next morning we never mentioned her again #I know it’s because it was way too painful for everyone involved. but I do wish I was allowed to process that grief properly #instead of bottling it up and pretending everything was okay until I was reminded of her #feeling like my heart was being shattered over and over again every single time #well anyway. enough of that. I’ve allowed myself a nice long cry today and got most of it out of my system #and once I was feeling okay I decided to draw her #and I can count the number of times I’ve drawn animals on one hand so.. I’m not too sure about the result #but it felt like to commemorate her in some way. #so yeah. here she is. my dear girl. the best dog in existence. she was always so affectionate and kind #which I didn’t always appreciate bc of how young I was. when you’re a kid it feels like pets will live forever #never barked. never bit anyone. her only crime was chewing on my mlp and lps toys that I left out on the floor #but I’m grateful she did that. it taught me not to leave my toys lying around and to clean up after myself #she really was taken from me way too soon. ideally she could still be alive right now. but I’ve been down the road of guilt and regret #there was nothing I could do. I was a child. I can only hope that she knew she was loved right until the very end #even if I didn’t know how to show it properly. and great. now I’m tearing up again #I suppose it’s unavoidable. April 12th will always be a melancholy day. and maybe that’s not such a bad thing #it’s good to have a day when I can freely remember her and cry if I need to. it’s healthy. it’s better than crying every day #she never liked it much when I cried. always tried to comfort me. that’s the kind of dog she was. I miss her so much #when I move apartments and get a dog of my own I’m getting a spaniel. just like she was #well. maybe a different colour so I don’t end up sobbing every time I look at it. but spaniels really are the perfect breed #I mean. cavaliers especially were bred for love and warmth. that’s just what I need. it will be nice to have someone waiting for me at home #and while I don’t necessarily believe in the afterlife… I do hope that Fanny’s watching over me #spiritually comforting me when I feel all alone in the world. it’s a nice thought for sure #and hopefully she won’t mind me getting another spaniel too much. it will be done in her honour after all. to make up for my past mistakes

[loudmound]

haven't been able to stop thinking abt mary very likely tying her worth as a woman to her beauty and productivity and how the illness thoroughly ruined both of those for her.

the incumbent loss of self-esteem combined with her growing anger and helplessness at her situation, leading her to lash out at those closest to her. feeling guilt for not only causing her loved ones pain in that way but for her even being angry in the first place because a woman takes her pain with grace and poise and with a smile on her face. (a real woman isn't pathetic and ugly like her).

the tragedy of it all in mary's failing to realize that her anger was probably the most justifiably human response to her situation that she could've had, and that while she felt genuine guilt for the pain she caused with her anger, she shouldn't have relentlessly chastised herself for something she fundamentally couldn't help in her being terminally ill.

#stormy shouts #JAMES AND MARY TO ME WERE BOTH IN THE GENDER MINES BATTLING WARS OF ALL KINDS #it wasn't just james to me... #and also... neither james nor mary were well-equipped to handle their situation #the negligence to see mary on james' part to me stems from unaddressed trauma due to the abuse he experienced as a child #and that if maybe if james was also willing to talk #ACTUALLY talk #about how he feels and felt and what have you #that they would've been able to reach a better place where it didn't have to end in mary's premature death by his hand #bcs mary was always always waiting for james #missed him so fucking much #and i think in her waiting she WANTED to talk to james #wanted to say sorry for her behavior in full #but combined with james' keeping away + his pervasive need to be stalwart and stoic in the face of pain #bcs that's what men are supposed to do #they never did talk #and mary only every got that chance in her letter 🥹 #FUCK my LIFE

[caffeinatedopossum]

I wrote a poem

"This won't make you happy"

That's what people say when I confess

Well I know they think they're helping

But it doesn't ease my distress

This won't make me happy,

Don't you think I knew that at the start?

The goal was never to be happy,

Just to not fall apart

A gravely injured animal

Does not have happiness on its mind

And in its desperation

Will take any escape it finds

"Things will get better"

That's something I hear all the time

But it's biased information

Even if its not quite a lie

Things will always change-

That's the version I believe

But knowing things change for the worse

It's not much of a reprieve

Hope is a fickle thing

Like a shape shifting beast

It's both beautiful and ugly

Depending on which side you see

Hope is everything you have

When you've got nothing left

But with just one thing worth fighting for

Can be a flame burning in your chest

I was born with this restless pain

But introduced to something new

There are few pains greater

Than finally having something to lose

#thank you for coming to my ted talk (vent art) lol #if you cant guess this poem is about the frustration of being told your unhealthy coping mechanisms wont make you happy #when you dont even remember what happiness felt like #its about the frustration of people who dont understand. people who say that it gets better without knowing what theyre talking about #or even questioning why they believe that (spoiler: its privelege and personal experience. i know it comes from a kind place though) #or i suppose sometimes it comes from other people who are pain repeatimg what they were told #but the point is that sometimes the good things in my life are the most painful #the constant reminders that i could lose something i never knew i wanted or needed this much before #the reminder of just how much i care and the fact that i can no longer simply give up #the knowledge that i could quit at anytime was what made life bearable until now. there was no meaning to me staying alive #now i have to fight with myself feeling guilty and selfish for even struggling with the desire to give up still #anyway. lots of thoughts

[pepprs]

STILL wide awake! i did not put down my phone! and now im hungry. so i will not be sleeping tonight ♥️

#purrs #also… im gonna admit it. ive been up for hours cleaning out… my toyhouse accounts. not cleaning them out but cleaning them up. and im so #FUCKING mad at my 18 year old self for giving away characters that meant so much to me to 12 year olds on warriors amino who never finished #their half of the art trade… and now so many of them are like. completely out of my reach and i can never get them back. im trying to ask #for the characters ive been able to find and track them down. which for ppl who actually love and care for them im sure is predatory and #annoying bc it’s like ok you made that choice so live with it. but im so fucking mad at myself and i wish i could undo it. i know it doesn’t #matter bc i don’t do that kind of deviantart stuff anymore but like.. i gave away characters who were so special to me growing up and now so #many of them are like.. on locked / unauthorized toyhouses or deleted or the person already owns them and is never trading them and #imjust so SAD!!!!!! over pixels i know. PULLING AN ALL NIGHTER over pixels. but im so saddddd aughhhhh #delete later #(i also did clean out photos and do practice drivers tests btw. but ive mostly been doing toyhouse stuff) #also im so sad and angry charahub went down and i didn’t even know it and i can’t access my data at allll like so much precious info #on there is gone forever. pain and suffering. also it’s worth naming im not in this to like have the best most expensive whatever designs im #doing this bc i desperately want to salvage every piece of my childhood / adolescence and never let go of anything in my life ever and when #i was 18 i thought i could run away from deeply permanently hurting and betraying a friend by selling all of my characters starting w the #ones they made me and then branching off into baiscally all of them to not make it look like it was just abt them bc i couldn’t bear to be #reminded of what i had done. and now i live with the consequences. in more ways than just the characters obviously. so there’s that #(i had my reasons for doing what i had to do btw. but i will never stop feeling guilty about it or regretting how it must have felt for them #bc we were like best friends and then i turned cold and awful because i didn’t know how to communicate my needs so instead i just shut them #out and didn’t even have the decency to explain why. and it fucking sucked that i did that. lol) #* ​and still sucks. and i think abt it all the time and try not to talk about it for a lot of reasons but here i am so. lol

[transboykirito]

i just… i need to apologise for not updating friends with baby benefits, don’t want to miss a thing, perfectly imperfect and more than just a fling.

i was honestly just so excited to be pregnant that i wrote in advance for a lot of them, because i was so happy and excited to imagine finally getting to experience all those moments for myself, and that’s left me with a lot to edit and a lot to fill in. and now trying to do that is absolutely destroying me, which i know is stupid of me. i’m sorry.

i’m going to force myself to update at least one of them tomorrow, i’m going to pull an all-nighter to finish writing and editing tonight.

this is honestly the worst grief and loss i’ve ever experienced. i literally cannot begin to describe it. i know i write a lot to process things, but i don’t think this heartbreak will ever become something beautiful. i think this is the kind of heartbreak that just sits and lingers.

i’m sorry for not updating the fics you guys want to see. i have absolutely no good excuse for it. i’m going to go finish the next update of… something.

#personal #miscarriage tw #i have never in my life felt this kind of pain. the absolute emotional agony i’ve been in for the last ten days is indescribable. #i’ve spoken about fertility issues in my fics before. it was the inspiration for dwtmat in the first place. but this… i can’t. #this one needs to just stay with me. no amount of time will heal this kind of heartbreak enough for me to touch it and explore it that way. #i’ve been trying to do this privately and not discuss it online. i know other people struggle with this and it hurts other people. #i was terrified to even share that i was pregnant for that reason. i didn’t want to rub my happiness in anyones face. #i just… i will update something. i’ll get it out. i’m sorry. i’m sorry it’s taken so long. i’m so so sorry.

[coruscantsbookstore]

finished the fallen star and now i have to go to work after sobbing on my floor for an hour if you think about reading this book, do not

#i have read a lot of books in my life and i have never felt this kind of pain #star wars #star wars books #the high republic #the fallen star

[confettigraffiti]

I miss talking to my friends genuinely but also I have very much overstayed my welcome everywhere and it's too late (I got VERY annoying near the end + fell out of a major interest which didn't help. my bad yall 😔) I feel like I should remake at this point and just move on but also. move on to what

#goddamn its fucking confetti again #go back #like at this point nobody wants me around because of obvious reasons but also #part of me would rather be distantly known as instead of being completely forgotten 💀 #love my inability to keep up with anyone despite wanting to so bad #either becuase i cant fucking remember or because eventually i either become intensely annoying or intensely boring #im already a fraction of how active as i was like even a year and a half ago. Would it even matter if i remade. Probably not #WORST lesbian dream of my life was dreaming about bayojeanne and having every single positive feeling i felt about them and then waking #and remembering i can never go back to that. I dont even care about bayo 3 anymore i just know i was MAD annoying #and i cant just to it even if i wanted #and then it started making me spiral about everything even unrelated to it #pain. So much pain. Lets take ibuprofen together #ok thinking about it most of everyone probably doesnt even remember me and arent actively annoyed by me so. Maybe thats better #thats probably better #uhrmm thid got long lol sorry i dont really hsve access to a place to talk anymore so i kind of just go here #bc this tumblr is filled with dead followers and so its safer snd less likely it gets seen #not to be dramatic but this must br what dying feels like lol

[zhuhongs]

i am so painfully american in so many ways that I never even realized,,, like the Pain. Today I went out with my friends mom who doesn’t speak any english and oh my god was I a deer in the headlights all day. I feel soooo bad, also like she refused to let me pay for anything and gave me sooo much food and drove me around all day. I really don’t know how to thank her enough. I tried to give her a gift and she returned it to me without me even noticing... oh my god. ms. huang.. rlly.... TT thank u also I’m so sorry i’m so painfully timid and awkward

#i've never eaten like.. so many kinds of meat bc like.. yk.. americans only really like the "desireable' parts of the meat. so yea.. also i #have like a fear of swallowing bones.. long story. if u were here u were here for it. if u dont know .. its a Story. but yea so i was like. #this is... a painfully awkward meal. also i dropped my chopsticks TWICEEEEE.. pain. also I've never had shirmp with the head on so she #put one on my plate and i was like... uh.... i dont know how to eat this but I just looked out how the ppl around me did it so i got used t #it.. kinda.... god yea. and then she really kept giving me food but I have a small appetite due to the aforementioned fear of bones thing #it was a spell of disordered eating in hs. left me with a damaged throat and a reduced appetite. not body image related but trauma related #etc. etc.. so yea. i felt so bad. I was so full. she bought me so much. im sooo sorry.... but good news is i wont need to buy food at all #tmrw... and then sometimes she'd ask me a question and I'd legit have no clue how to respond. I;m so used to speaking multiple languages #with my classmates and my roommates so if i ever forget smth i can just use a diferrent language to explain and its.. so much harder to #speak only one language than i thought and hhhhh. also sidenote i COMPLETELY understand why my friend is the way she is... like yea no she #IS her mothers daughter hundred percent.... forceful. kind. not afriad to bargain. overall big appetite for life and yea no.. it makes sooo #much sense... i understand it ALL now...also her little brother is so rude.... god i don't like him. i see why she doesn't like him #like id never blame someone for hating their family but yea no i get it #hhhh so yea.. it was rlly fun but also.. a lot. super super grateful tho. #🐌.txt #also i am so tired.. what not getting enough sleep for a week will do to a mf