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rogers-metaphor · 5 years

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Lessons in Falling in Love: Chapter Ten

Permanent warning/disclaimer: this will be a story that contains smut, will have cursing, and other themes like these. So, if you’re under the age of 18, please skip this story. Also, everything in this story is completely fictional and not based on real life!!!!!!!! It’s for dramatic and entertainment purposes only.

A/N: Thank you to everyone that has read, commented, reblogged, or liked my story. It means the world to me! This chapter was a tough one for me to write, I love to hear your questions and comments and theories on what will happen next! ALSO I keep forgetting to make a tag list, so if you want to be on it, please let me know!!!

previous chapters: One, Two, Three , Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine

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It’s about an hour later, when Joe sent her text he was here and needed help bringing in supplies. She weighed her options. He hadn’t seen Selene. He had no idea what she witnessed. She felt like she’d throw up, and she felt her chest burn. She had some choices to make.

She was afraid to see him, afraid to look him in the eyes. The ones she trusted and felt comfort in. She wasn’t sure she could even bring herself to do it. Her heart was pounding in her ears, her chest burned up through her throat. She made her way through the house absentmindedly, her thoughts almost clouding her vision as she made her way toward the door.

Then she saw him. He greeted her with an unknowing smile, like nothing was wrong, and it made her sick to look at him. She gulped back the lump burning her throat as she approached him, her eyes burning through him. She wanted to yell and scream and hit something. She searched her mind for what to say, but everything was jumbled. A mouthful of everything she was feeling left her speechless.

His smile slowly fell from his eyes down to his lips, he looked at her with concern. She felt strangled, as she looked at him. Her breathing audibly hitched, as she struggled to breathe normally.

“Hey… what’s wrong?” he asks, quietly.

“Is there anything you want to tell me?” she asks, and she can’t keep her eyes from tearing up any longer. They stung and glazed over without her being able to swallow the feeling.

She hoped at the very least he’d confess. She hoped he’d understand that he was caught. That she knew what he had been hiding from her. She waits for the words to come from his lips, but they don’t.

“Baby… what are you talking about?” he asks, and he moves toward her. She flinches away from his touch, her stomach begins to churn. His actions and faux-clueless act is making her feel sick. She can feel some tears slipping down her cheeks.

“Who… Who was she?” she asks, her voice breaking as she asks the question that began to slowly eat away at her. She couldn’t hold back her own failing act any longer.

Again his facial expression changes, visibly she can see him go from confused down to realization. Maybe guilt. His mouth falls open as his eyes drop, but nothing comes out. His own eyes start to tint red, with something looming behind them, maybe guilt but she can’t bring herself to believe that. He doesn’t answer her, not fast enough.

“Answer me.” she says, her tone low and demanding, being able to hold back her own impatience. “Answer me.” she demands, and he flinches at her harsh demanding tone. One she never used with him. One he’s only heard when someone cut her off in traffic while running late, or when her favorite football team was losing due to unfair calls by referees.

“I was going to tell you… after I broke up with her… I swear I can explain.” he tries but fumbles around his words, his hands reaching out for her.

“Considerate.” she tries to keep her composure, but her tears have already been flowing at a steady pace down her cheeks. He reaches for her again but she snaps away from him. Hearing him confirm what she already knew hurts, like a bullet through her heart. Even though she knew, the confirmation felt like being hit by a truck. She doesn’t even know what to say.

“I was with her when I met you. I never meant for it to happen. I just met you and it felt right. It felt better than I’d ever felt before... and I never planned it but I fell in love with you, and realized I didn’t love her.” his words are flowing out quickly.

“None of what your saying helps, you know that right?” she snaps. “None of it changed the way I feel about you right now.”

“I was going to do it. I was trying to find the right time… She’s been away, teaching abroad, I didn’t want to do it over the phone...” she laughs, because she doesn’t know how else to manage the way she’s feeling, it’s to much at once.

“Perfect.” she says through gritted teeth. “Very considerate of her feelings, Joe. You’re a really great guy for that.” His eyes snapped up to her and her harsh words.

“I’ll do it right now. I’ll go back home and do it right now.” A few tears are falling down his cheeks, and she scoffs at him. Anger beginning to swell in her stomach and burning up through her esophagus. She felt like she’d breathe fire, she felt like she wanted to hit him. She clenched her fists by her sides.

“I hate you.” she snaps, “I hate you and I want you gone.”

“You don’t mean that.” he says, his own strong voice faltering. “I love you. I am in love with you.” he’s trying to reach for her, but her eyes are low and filled with tears she can’t contain anymore.

“Don’t.” she shutters, a sob. “Don’t lie to me anymore. Everything you said to me, is bullshit.” she raises her voice. Her head beginning to pound, she couldn’t control the sobs that built up, pouring out of her mouth. She couldn’t keep her composure any longer, her breathing becoming rapid and uneven as she cried, she couldn’t look at him, but could feel him coming closer. “Don’t.” she whimpers out.

“I’m so sorry.” he said, through a hoarse voice. He didn’t heed her warning, and for a moment she let him wrap his arms around her. For a moment she felt like maybe he was sorry, maybe he did love her and everything could be fixed and patched. Like she could erase the truth that had been covered in lies. His lies. Like she could just forgive him and move on and be happy with Joe. Like she always dreamed of.

But it wasn’t realistic.

In reality Selene felt disgusted with him. Disgusted with his arms around her, and his lies. She didn’t know what to believe anymore. Couldn’t figure out what was genuine, or if anything he ever did or said was genuine. Every little thing he did was being over-analyzed, replayed, and it all hurt. She wanted to feel comforted by this gesture. He always made her feel better with his words or the way he wrapped his arms around her, but it wasn’t possible anymore.

She pushed him away, firmly.

“You disgust me.” she says through tears and gritted teeth. “How long has she been back?” she asks.

“Beginning of december.”

“When you stopped wanting to touch me.” she recalls, “And that thing you had to do… And that phone call… that I answered.” He looks embarrassed.

“I- felt guilty.” he sighed, “I always felt guilty.”

“I told you that we could have stopped everything and you said you didn’t want to. I’m glad you feel guilty about hurting her.” she scoffs.

“No, I felt guilty because I knew I was lying to you… The woman I love.” she rolls her eyes at his words. Each one feels physically heavy.

“And your family?” she asks. “Did they know? Was this all a giant joke on me?”

“They thought I broke up with her a while ago.”

“Good to know I'm not the only person you lied to.” she said through a shaken breath. “I never want to see you again.”

“I will go home right now and tell her it’s over… just give me another chance.” he begs. “I will tell you anything else you want to know. Please.”

“Go.” she sobs, broken. “Go away. It hurts to look at you.” He moves toward her again, his hands finding the sides of her face. Her red eyes smeared with makeup find his tearing eyes.

“I’m still Joe. I’m still me. The only thing i lies about was her. I promise you. I love you. I fucked up. I never wanted to hurt you.” She can’t find anymore words to say to him, she just cries.

She knows she has to let him go. She has to take the last 6 months and throw them in the garbage. Every kiss and touch and moment. His fingertips don’t feel familiar anymore. The palm of his hand against her cheek doesn’t feel comforting. It’s painful.

And seeing him cry. It hurt her to see that. And it made her despise him.

“Stop” she begs, “Stop it.” she sobs.

Nova is the one that finds them, her own body burning up with anger.

“Get the fuck away from her!” she yelled, Gwil quickly flying out behind her as she charged at him. “You have no fucking right to be here, to touch her!” Joe flinched back away from Selene, looking at nova with fear in his eyes. If Gwil hadn’t wrapped his arms around her she might have hit him. Gwil pulled her back as she tried to break free from his grip, her eyes glaring holes through Joe. It looks could kill he would have dropped dead.

“Please, Nova. Let me talk to her. I love her.” Joe tries, through gritted teeth. His eyes also have tears running out of them.

“You are a liar, Joe Mazzello!” Nova yelled at him. Again he’s flinching at her words, falling back.

Nova only calmed to turn toward her friend. Running her small hands over her arms trying to see if she’s okay. She pulls her friend toward the house, only turning back to glare at a crying Joe.

And Gwilym.

Gwil was in a tough situation. His hand moving over his lips trying to weigh his options. He wanted to comfort Joe, who had become his friend. His good friend, one of his best. And Selene had been like family to him. Like his sister. He inhaled and exhaled deeply.

He slowly moved toward Joe, his hand coming down on his shoulder gently. He felt a little betrayed himself.

“I’m sorry, mate. See you around.” he sighed before following the girls inside. Leaving Joe standing on the sidewalk crying and alone.

Selene felt as if she was in a bubble. Her brain wasn’t processing anything fast enough. She could hear people talking but they sounded like they were so far away. Even Nova yelling at Gwil about Joe. She couldn’t process the words. She pulled herself out of Nova’s arms and made her way to her room in a haze.

She could feel her phone vibrating wildly and tossed her phone to the side, finally crawling into bed. Her arms cradling her pillow as she sobbed into it, the feeling of fire returning to her body. She felt like she was overheating and couldn’t move.

She lay alone for a while, she didn’t know how long. She measured it by the sound of the party, getting louder and louder outside of her room. Her room that stayed dark and grew cold. She had never felt so removed from everything. Her tears had finally stopped, but her chest still ached and felt empty.

At some point Nova came in, asking her if she wanted food. No response was made, Selene seemed a million miles away. Nova felt the pang or hurt as she watched Selene stare off into nowhere. She had never seen her shut down like this. She was just numb now.

It was some time later when her door opened again, the music creeping in and being shut off. She shuddered at the sound of the door shutting. She didn’t bother to move, just listening to the unfamiliar footsteps that made their way to the lamp beside her bed. The light burning her sensitive eyes. She looked up to him as he appeared in front of her.

“You can tell me to go… if you want.” Ben’s voice spoke deep as always but soft. Like she would shatter if he wasn’t careful. “Just thought you could use the company. Don’t have to speak to me at all, really.” He shrugs. Her eyes fell at the look of pity he shot her.

He sits on the edge of her bed, his eyes looking around at her room half illuminated. She watched as they scanned the area, his pouty lips smirking at something he seen. She watched as his eyes came all the way back to her, and she looked away, again.

“I’m really sorry.” he says, his voice barely over a whisper now. His eyes stay on her, she can feel them. She can only think about how her chest seems to be empty and on fire. “I was with a girl for nearly 10 years.” he leans back and her eyes are back on him. “She- cheated on me and I thought it was the end of the world.” he sighed, letting out a slight chuckle.

“Please tell me that your heart doesn’t feel broken anymore… I can’t bear to hear I’ll feel like…” she sniffles her voice breaking. “this, forever.”

Her eyes watering again, she felt embarrassed in front of Ben. She barely knew him. He was a friend of a friend and here he was, in her room on one of the biggest party nights of the year. Watching her sulk and cry. She rubbed at her eyes, thinking about it. He smiles a warm smile and looks away from her, to her makeup desk, and he quickly moves toward it. He grabs her makeup wipes and moves back to her.

“The good news is,” he gets closer leaning toward her, “I don’t have to lie to you, when I say, it won’t last forever.” His hand gently comes up to wipe at her swollen eyes, covered in black from running mascara and smudged eyeliner. She sniffles bringing herself to sit up, as he wipes away makeup mixed with tears.

“You have really great friends. They’re going to help tremendously.” he says quietly.

“I know.” she sniffles, choking out a sob that she can’t stop. “It just fucking hurts.” He sighs, his eyes dropping, he moves his hands to the sides of her face.

“I wish you didn’t have to feel this.” he says quietly, before bringing her into his chest. She hugs him tightly because she needs it, but can’t help but feel embarrassed and guilty.

“Why are you here, why aren’t you out there celebrating?” she attempts to sway the conversation, pulling away from him.

“I could care less about the party. I came here for one reason anyway.” he chuckles, his eyes falling to hers. “I know you need a friend right now. I also know Nova wants to be in here, but I told her that I’d take care of it since Gwil needs help hosting.” she smiles weakly, but appreciates it.

“I don’t have much to talk about. You’ll have much more fun out there.”

“That’s fine. I’ll sit here until you fall asleep.” he shrugs, and she reaches her hand out to him. He takes it and gives it a squeeze.

They sit in silence for a little while, until she starts to doze off. She manages some last words to him.

“Happy New Year, Ben.” she whispers in a broken voice, before she lets sleep consume her.

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