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incarnateirony · 4 years

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as an emerging lgbtq+ (i'm 'BT') guy i am so glad you're making the point you made in your last post. I've always gravitated towards Dean because he is so 'imperfect' in his queerness, like me. but he's not a uwu soft queer so apparently that bothers a lot of ppl on here? Especially younger queer women, I've noticed. But a lot of guys, cis and trans, struggle with being attracted to men so much in a way that is simply different (not better or worse) than (1/2)

being wlw, especially depending on one’s generation and region, etc. basically what i’m saying is a lot of the few queer men that there are in the fandom stay quieter as it is almost completely queer women dictating what is and what isnt, and not quite empathizing with the unique struggle many queer men have with internalized homophobia/being Unmanly for being attracted to men. hope this wasn’t too all over the place, ive had this on my mind for a Long time and i’m glad you brought it up. (2/2)

ps: I’m not trying to put down queer women for being a significant part of the fandom. I just really wish the environment of the fandom felt more like somewhere queer men’s voices can be heard better, considering the largest pairing is, needless to say, mlm

Well, first of all, welcome Nonnie. I take it you’re addressing this untitled post addressing intersectionality, representation vs tokenization, represented demographics and just general motivations of those in discussion, yes? (x)

You’ll find this is a longstanding topic of my blog, be it excavating creator commentary people have buried for their own motivations and talked down and around, or dual faceted issues.

(If you haven’t read the crosslinks on the post you’re addressing, you may want to read The Problem With Dreamhunter (x) It discusses exactly this issue, even if it was written over a year ago at that point, showing just how cyclic this issue is. It talks about MLM/WLW intersectional issues, migrating goalposts, a bunch of show stuff and some of Bobo’s sociopolitical commentary from 2003 about advancing LGBT representation through moderate incremental methods being proven effective at expanding the media presence/platform exponentially above liberal, or more severe/extreme styles)

But when it comes down to it, basically: Yeah, you right.

I didn’t just arbitrarily develop this opinion. I didn’t… just magically tune in to what the LGBT men that literally dodge fandom, for exactly the reasons you say, and know it’s because of the reasons you say – like that didn’t manifest. It came from leaving fandom (un)”safe” spaces. It came from engaging a great variety of LGBT males in real life, many of which engage the content. From observing how they spoke of the content in multifandom servers, or even *why* they chose to avoid speaking up.

And no, I personally didn’t get a read of you, like, insulting LGBT women for their part in fandom. Women engage social media for primetime TV fandoms at an exponential rate above men, so it’s almost unavoidable and it’s nobody’s fault really, but that says nothing for the perpetual habit of drowning out their voices to the fact that– well, they literally abandon engaging.

I’ve seen it enough times it *hurts* me. I shouldn’t *have* to pull my gay writing buddy out of holes to face this, and him still hide silently. I shouldn’t *have* to be the vein of news and information on the show to the bi male friend I have that refuses to touch this fandom. I shouldn’t *have* to even speak up about this. I really do want *you all* to speak up about this, because I can only speak so far, because you’re right: OUR JOURNEYS ARE DIFFERENT.

Hell, even a cis lgbt male vs a trans lgb(t obvious) male have entirely different journeys even though they’re both validly men. These battles are not the same. One community can speak up to defend another, and help hold them up and amplify them if there’s just not enough of them to project the way they need to, and this is something *greatly under respected* in this fandom. Nobody’s holding up the LGBT male voices when actually talking about representation. And you’re right, it’s mostly women, and you’re right, our path is different and our struggles and needs and wants and lives are different. But unless you take a considerable amount of time talking and sharing and learning personally the perspective of the LGBT male community, you’re not… really… helping them speak.

And let it be said, “holding up LGBT male voices” does not and should never equate to “despite having multiple LGBT men saying one thing, I found the one LGBT male saying the thing that matches what I want, who may or may not even actually be in the targeted demographic set of the character we’re discussing representation about, because it’s more than just being bi, it’s entire lives, paths and challenges– but you know, I found the ONE, so fuck the others.” That’s using your friends as tokens and cards. If you want to genuinely add to the conversation, what you do is you introduce your male LGBT friend to the other male LGBT friends and let them have a long conversation to talk out the sources of their disagreements before engaging in conversation.

But drawing a pretty base line collective from all people in the represented demographic, respectfully learning the majority wants and needs and struggles, and helping voice those is pretty key.

Women can sit here all day, and pass around things they’ve been told by other women are woke points, or things that sound progressive and good, and often sort of decontextualized from their purpose (be that the dresswear mentioned shortly hereafter, or what LGBT want/expect/SHOULD want or expect – but in the end, if you’re not sitting down and having dialogues – not just with one, or two, or even three LGBT men – but large handfuls and subsets, able to actually critically examine the differences in LGBT males of gen X, Y, or Z and their lives and stories – if you’re not doing that… If *that* isn’t the core of your discussion values, rather than pass-along buzz vibes– then you’re really not talking representation. You think you are. But you’re not.

There’s the uh. Thing. You noticed. About how women expect the men to engage.

When it comes to young queer women, I’m going to risk pissing some people off, but the long and short of it is (I could probably dig up the link but it’s been an eternity) a while ago they ran a psychological study to figure out why young women were attracted to yaoi, and gay porn, especially what is essentially stereotypical force-role type gay porn. It has to do with blooming attraction, primal fear, and trying to make the men more appealing in a way that does not intimidate them.

This later manifests into feminizing them, setting twink/bear roles that go beyond into top/bottom, and conflating it with penetration, position, power, dom/sub, fork/spoon, sometimes served with a dose of internalized misogyny being projected into the vessel of whatever twink/sub is positioned, and generally— like, kink culture. Often this is passed with narrowly progressive-masked arguments of “Men should be allowed to be feminine if they want!” rather than a genuine answer to, “Why do you perpetually heterosexually resize, or reframe, and enforce heterosexual structure onto characters that do not meet this mold, and why is that a personal gain to you?” because in the end– it’s a personal gain. And again, at that point it’s not about representation.

Now again, I’m not… shaming anyone for having a kink. But kink/fetish needs/wants have blurred themselves in as if to hedge on equal territory to discussing canon content. Or sprinkling the quite literal fetishized art (power to you if that’s your thing, I guess, even if I do bear discomfort over fetishization of any LGBT demographic, even by another LGBT demographic) and reasoning with dialogue that implies it as being representative, and inserting that into the representation discussion, which *literally* just makes the entire bog muddier, makes the LGBT men trying to speak more easily dismissed in a vat of “just women/fetishists”, it just– it’s Not a Good. I’m… personally not a fan of it. Like at all. A lot of it makes me angry tbh. So I don’t engage. I don’t browse fanfiction. I look at very little art.

Hell most of the people around here don’t even realize it’s actually a *minority* of LGBT men that choose to engage in penetrative sex, but it’s become a topic of outright obsession around here. There is so much simple… lack of awareness and discussion of the lives LGBT men lead, even by LGBT women because again – we don’t have your path. We can only listen to you. (And BOY have I gotten earfuls from my LGBT male friends absolutely going apeshit banana bonkers over fandom’s obsession with penetration culture, gender role enforcement while feigning it as liberation, and all kinds of other stuff. And that’s what I base most of my talking points on.)

Because if I’m going to talk representation, I’m going to talk about representing the demographic the character is supposed to represent, not molding him into a tokenized wash-over of every single person’s wants. If you’re an LGBT woman that can resonate with Dean Winchester, that’s great. Sometimes representation can be shared. But a character’s origin determines what demo he represents and not all of any given representative’s character’s attributes, methods, functions, anything – not all of it is going to meet any one person’s goals collectively, but the target demographic is inevitably closer to it.

Another point to raise is that it feels like people have lost track of *what* the representation battle is about. It isn’t just about any one person attaching to any one character. It’s about developing a TVscape that looks more representative of the real world, with a fair presence of PoC, of women, of LGBT people of all types, of the disabled community, of people that are even more than one of these, of people with different stories: people. About, well, normalizing it, because it should be normal. About saturating television enough that one day, and that day will not just be tomorrow per convenience, that people won’t be desperate for representation even vaguely in their wheelhouse, that they can turn on and see people of any intersectional type and go– wow, the world finally realizes we’re real. And that in that wide, realistic menu, yes, being able to turn a channel and eventually see someone *just like you*. A day when any show turned on has at least *someone* in your wheelhouse because every show eventually should have some sort of realistic spread, but if you find the *right* show, *there you are.*

That’s how it’s built. We don’t start by footstomping and tokenizing everyone to be vaguely representative of everyone or it doesn’t count because it didn’t work for *them*. We start by sharing truly diverse narratives, each unique to their own, just as diverse as straight stories are, maybe even more. That’s the only way you’re actually going to end up with a TVscape full of The Gays, and full enough to find *explicitly yourself* in there.

Deleting normalized, non-sensationalist text for lacking either visibility or flavor, even if you weren’t the intended demographic for it to speak to, is quite literally contrary to the entire fight.

and tbh?

This shit is why I hate shipping culture.

And I say that as someone who presumably “ships” Dean and Cas, if it’s shipping to address canon bullshit happening in front of you and just watch the show as it folds out without going into denial for *whatever* personal reason.

There’s a lot of well intended people, most shipping fandom is full of good beans, but as a collective group – skewed by sociopathically manipulated dialogues we can literally track the origins of – have been driven into much of the above while genuinely believing they were doing the right thing, in a long chain of being told this was what and how to fight for, without really stopping and critically examining the nuance of the conversation. Because why would you? Seems to be the popular gay thing to do – while a lot of bisexual people currently hide their commentary via reblog hashtags or hedge awkwardly into an anon box sideways.

That all said, it continues to be my focus. It will never change on this blog. I will never surrender to being pressured, be it by antis or bitters or people just wanting to argue, into pretending things that were text are subtext. I will not move that goalpost. You are real, and you are valid, and you are welcome in my inbox any time, Nonnie, confidentiality guaranteed. Like, DM too.

but lmao like shit, dawg. There’s a reason the LGBT guys I’ve had as writing partners as Dean literally refuse to play with another Cas. That’s not just because I’m a *super aweSOME auTHOr*, it’s because they recognize I do not come from the wing lost to fanfiction, to troll wars, or even to shipping culture, love of a ship be damned. I don’t try to force gender roles on them. I listen when they speak, and often, surprise many with the angle I ever enter discussion or listening from to begin with, because of spending so many years listening to begin with. It’s an intrinsic understanding of why they resonate with the content, not what I can pull some transformative art stuff on or wanting to *make* it into anything else to fit *my* molds. It’s because of being someone engaged to the male perspective, without the need to twist or change a character to be content with it, and being WILLING to hold those challenging conversations.

Listen first. Talk later. But never in front of or over the people you claim to be talking for.

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jihoonslattee · 7 years

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Dance - Park Jihoon

Idea: 3 Years Younger! Reader X Sunbae! Jihoon

Summary: You and Jihoon had been close since you both were little but since you both had started to go to the same high school, things have gotten a little messy. Needless to say you both started acting in ways that screamed jealousy.

Author’s Note: WOW ITS BEEN FOREVER SINCE IVE WRITTEN (i have tests every week wow i hate school) I’m so sorry if this isn’t really what you wanted, I wasn’t sure how to write this bc I’m doing it from Jihoon being international age (18) which would make the character 15 so i made it super cute and not really angst? also bc i’m not good with writing angst IM SRRY ILY

Recent A/N: OH GOD IM READING THIS OVER AND I THINK ITS SUPER BAD SO IM SORRY TO WHOEVER REQUESTED THIS (also if this does not have the keep reading bar on mobile i am sorry rip the mobile ppl bc i made this really long FHDJSKFHK

~~~~~~~

“oh Y/N look it’s Jihoon!”

you classmate almost yelled as you went towards the window of classroom. You saw park Jihoon walking into the school with his two friends and you couldn’t help but think about how handsome he was

Jihoon was almost like the school’s star, almost bc Kang Daniel was the school’s star.

but nonetheless it didn’t matter bc you has a huge crush on him

emphasize on the word crush because there were tons of other girls who liked him as well.

the only problem you had...was well

yall were three years apart.

so like

you were pretty sure that even if you had the chance to date him his army of fangirls will hunt you down and take you down like nothing mattered anymore.

which was dance (along with all his other cute friends but you only focus on jihoon)

you two often got paired up since you were on the same level in a sense. So you got to know him well and you would say hi to each other in the halls, have small conversations, and other stuff.

so every single day your crush on Jihoon kept growing and you’re friend knew this, always and I mean ALWAYS telling you where Jihoon was, expecting you to go say hi to him yourself

like one time she told you that jihoon was outside playing basketball with Guanlin and you were like

“How did you find that out that’s literally all the way on the other side of the school.”

but anyways going back to present time

while you were watching him walk into the school, his head turned towards your classroom and you could’ve sworn that you two had eye contact for a couple of seconds

the only reason why you couldn’t really tell was because you looked away almost immediately.

but after that your day went by slowly, you didn’t really see Jihoon anywhere and you friend decided to get checked out early bc she wanted to attend a company audition.

so you were eating lunch alone at your usual spot when you see Jihoon walking towards your direction.

alone

so you go in to full out panic mode

you start SHOVING the food down your throat and manage to finish your lunch. You literally throw the food into your backpack and start to get up when you hear you name being called.

“Y/N! Wait up!”

your mind is instantly like “be chill y/n he’s just probably here to talk to you.” but then your mind is like “wait how does he know my lunch spot.”

so you turn around and give him a slight smile

“whats up?”

“I need to ask a favor for you.”

So you just nod and you both sit down on the bench.

“So my friend and I are going to enter the school talent show. And we need two girls and I was wondering if you would be one of them?”

your mouth almost drops in surprise, which makes jihoon laugh a little

“are you sure you want me to be apart of your group?”

“Yeah of course! You’re such a great dancer who wouldn’t want you to be in their group.”

So instantly from that comment you agree! One bc it seems like it’ll be a great way to get closer to jihoon and also you’ll be able to show others your talent!

time skipp

so its been a week and a half and you and Jihoon have gotten super close! Not like best friends but more like close friends

and the other girl you were dancing with seems super nice too. She was super nice to your and also seemed close with the other two guys

she also did know of your crush on jihoon (quote on quote she said it was obvious)

but anyways

you were on your way to the practice room when Jihoon stopped you in your tracks.

“Y/N wait up! Let’s go to the cafe first, we’re gonna meet the other two there before we go practice.”

you kind of give him a weird look and he’s just like

“I-It’s like a little treat today! Come on let’s go!”

so you both arrive at the cafe and are sitting there with your drinks

“Hmm it’s been a hot minute Jihoon I don’t see them coming anytime soon.”

“y/n it’s only been like five minutes.”

and you just kind of awkwardly laugh it off while sipping on your drink.

“so anyways, do you know what you’re going to do for the solo dance project for class?”

jihoon casually asks while giving you a look that you can’t really describe, maybe lie anticipation?”

“i’m not sure i’ve been focusing on our dance that I haven’t really thought about it yet.”

“Me either, maybe we would meet up sometimes and hang out while also doing our dances?”

“yea-”

“why don’t we all hang out and do it then!”

you both instantly look up and see the other girl (lets call her jane) standing in front of your table, she sits down and gives you both a smile.

“Woojin and I are both in your class, why don’t we all work on the project together!”

you instantly nod bc one they are your upperclassmen so you can’t really deny.

“Great! Anyways. Jihoon, the Chemistry teacher called us and a couple of other people to talk about the test we recently took, seems like we both got a bad score.”

This obviously sends Jihoon into panic bc as from what he’s told you before, he hates getting bad grades.

“Oh alright, i guess we can practice another day then. Get home safely Y/N!”

they both walk away and you eventually go home.

The next day was a little weird.

you didn’t see jihoon anywhere. and even if you did he wouldn’t even glance at you.

so while you’re eating your lunch (your friend decided to audition again bc why not) Jane comes up to you.

“Hey Y/N I’ve got some bad news.”

She gives you the most disappointed look ever

“Since we got bad scores from the test yestreday, Jihoon decided that he didn’t want to do the talent show anymore since he needs to study. I hope you can understand.”

she apologetically rubs your shoulder and you just nod.

“yeah I get what you mean. Maybe i’ll ask him about it later.”

she just gives you another smile and nods as she stands up

“Yeah for sure! i’m sure he would feel better about it if you talked to him. Anyways, I’ll see you later!”

she walks away and you decide to go comfort Jihoon.

you catch him walking alone in one of the hallways

“Jihoon!”

he kind of stop in his tracks as you rush to catch up with him.

“I heard about-”

“I don’t really wanna talk to you right now Y/N”

you kind of give him a “wtf” look and decide to pry

“um why not? I didn’t do anything”

he kind of gives a sigh and turns towards you

“You have been annoying me lately.”

“Uh says the person who literally asked me if we could practice and hang out together just yesterday. Now whats up.”

“I was thinking about yesterday and you were doing some of my pet peeves, so I kind of want to be left alone for now.”

you scoffed

“seriously? We’ve been friends for a while now and you decide to let me get on your nerves now? After I actually decide I like you a lot?”

Jihoon’s eyes get wide and your mind is instantly in panic mode like

“oh shit girl you done fucked up”

SO NOW you are like

“haha well look at the time you asked me to leave you alone and now here i am, leaving you alone.”

you start quickly running off but you don’t even hear jihoon call towards you so you just start walking at a normal pace when you feel someone grab your wrist strongly

“Do you have-”

you turn around and you were initially prepared to fight whoever grabbed your wrist but it was jihoon, giving you the most dorkiest smile ever

“You like me?”

“Uh, not processing sorry”

“Be real, you like me?”

you legit just wanted to pretend that you just said it out of anger but hey, why not get it over with now?

“Yes I do, but you are literally 3 years older than me.”

“What would you say if i liked you back?”

you just gave him a look. A minute later you burst into laughter.

“HAHA I love jokes but yeah let’s pretend this didn’t happen and I’ll go back to leaving you alone.”

you take your wrist out (or at least try to) but it doesn’t work as jihoon just pulls you into a hug.

“For someone who said I was getting on their nerves you are bring pretty friendly rn”

He laughs and your heart starts racing. “NO” your mind is screaming bc he literally was bad at your one second ago and now he’s hugging you.

“why are you literally like hot and cold water.”

“i seriously like you too y/n”

you push away from him

“i don’t know, i think ppl will give me weird looks. And your army of fangirls will ruin my life.”

“i mean if you’re that concerned we don’t have to date now. We can just be a thing until you are okay with putting a name on our relationship.”

you just look at him and blink at him for a few times.

“I-I mean if y-you’re comfortable with that.”

he chuckles and nods his head.

“Well since we’re a thing now, lemme do this real quick.”

he comes a little closer and he starts leaning in

atm your heart is beating so fast that you are preparing to run away to calm your heart.

but

Jihoon smiles and just goes up to kiss your forehead

“You’re so cute Y/N”

your face turns BRIGHT red and you just hit him a little

“ANYWAYS why were you peeved off with me anyways.”

“o-oh, well I was told something. i was told that you were only dancing with us to impress someone else.”

you just kind of laughed it off and sat down at the nearby bench

“Funny enough I’m guessing it’s jane.”

he kind of looked at you in surprise and cleared his throat

“y-yeah, how did you know?”

“welll she told me that you wanted to stop doing the dance because you wanted to focus on your grades.”

he laughed a little while taking a seat at the near by bench.

“I should’ve known she would’ve been like that.”

you kind of just gave him a like “alright jihoon i have no idea what context you are using but alright.” so he replies

“She confessed to me before and i told her that i liked someone else and i guess she assumed it was you when you joined out dance group, which she was right on.”

you turned a little red again and you just turn around.

“gosh dang it jihoon, hurry and go before i melt.”

he just laughs and gets off the bench before turning you around and giving you a slight hug

“i’ll talk to you later Y/N.”

after he walks away you just kind of sit there on the bench, not processing what had just happened. but soon after you received a text.

from jihoon

“Maybe instead of a group dance we should do a dance with just us~”

you laughed and just sent a response back

“nope, i wouldn’t want to let woojin down.”

so there you have it, you somehow are now a thing with jihoon

lets just hope his fangirls won’t find out anytime soon

end! thank you for reading! i am super apologetic to the requester, i did not mean to take this long

#wanna one #wannaone #jihoon #park jihoon #jeojang #wink boy #wanna one scenario #wanna one imagine #park jihoon scenario #park jihoon imagine #produce 101 season 2 #pd101 #produce 101 #produce 101 season 2 scenario #produce 101 season 2 imagine

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