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#(i also did clean out photos and do practice drivers tests btw. but ive mostly been doing toyhouse stuff)
pepprs
·
1 year
Text
STILL wide awake! i did not put down my phone! and now im hungry. so i will not be sleeping tonight ♥️
#purrs
#also… im gonna admit it. ive been up for hours cleaning out… my toyhouse accounts. not cleaning them out but cleaning them up. and im so
#FUCKING mad at my 18 year old self for giving away characters that meant so much to me to 12 year olds on warriors amino who never finished
#their half of the art trade… and now so many of them are like. completely out of my reach and i can never get them back. im trying to ask
#for the characters ive been able to find and track them down. which for ppl who actually love and care for them im sure is predatory and
#annoying bc it’s like ok you made that choice so live with it. but im so fucking mad at myself and i wish i could undo it. i know it doesn’t
#matter bc i don’t do that kind of deviantart stuff anymore but like.. i gave away characters who were so special to me growing up and now so
#many of them are like.. on locked / unauthorized toyhouses or deleted or the person already owns them and is never trading them and
#imjust so SAD!!!!!! over pixels i know. PULLING AN ALL NIGHTER over pixels. but im so saddddd aughhhhh
#delete later
#(i also did clean out photos and do practice drivers tests btw. but ive mostly been doing toyhouse stuff)
#also im so sad and angry charahub went down and i didn’t even know it and i can’t access my data at allll like so much precious info
#on there is gone forever. pain and suffering. also it’s worth naming im not in this to like have the best most expensive whatever designs im
#doing this bc i desperately want to salvage every piece of my childhood / adolescence and never let go of anything in my life ever and when
#i was 18 i thought i could run away from deeply permanently hurting and betraying a friend by selling all of my characters starting w the
#ones they made me and then branching off into baiscally all of them to not make it look like it was just abt them bc i couldn’t bear to be
#reminded of what i had done. and now i live with the consequences. in more ways than just the characters obviously. so there’s that
#(i had my reasons for doing what i had to do btw. but i will never stop feeling guilty about it or regretting how it must have felt for them
#bc we were like best friends and then i turned cold and awful because i didn’t know how to communicate my needs so instead i just shut them
#out and didn’t even have the decency to explain why. and it fucking sucked that i did that. lol)
#* and still sucks. and i think abt it all the time and try not to talk about it for a lot of reasons but here i am so. lol
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