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#which is very stud//io g//hi//bli-esque and frankly very unserious but
suddencolds
·
2 months
Text
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#not snz and not a vent... just passive musing
#had a dream two nights ago where someone who i used to know (and love a little) wished me goodbye with a
#kiss to the hand before i flew away from them forever on a magic chair
#which is very stud//io g//hi//bli-esque and frankly very unserious but
#the feeling of grief i felt saying goodbye to a friendship which i had once held so close to me - and which i know can probably never
#be as close as it was at that point in my life - stuck with me for a long time even after i woke up
#it's been something i've been thinking about for awhile... but the dream felt like such a concrete and painful severance
#i think that like a childish part of me wants to hold the people i'm close to at
#the same distance and trust that they will stay there forever
#but logically i know it's natural that the people i met under certain circumstances might drift apart once those circumstances change
#for one or both of us... i guess friendship really is just a lucky convergence at one point in time where everything aligns
#like i know this and i have known this for awhile but god does it hurt
#especially those kinds of goodbyes that feel so gradual... not like a clear severing of ties but just a gradual disappearance
#i think i probably have to not feel so hung up over what i used to have. and for the most part i am not; life goes on
#but for those people?
#i sometimes just miss them
#there's a special kind of hurt knowing that i could reach out to them and say hello and that they would probably respond but that it might
#never be quite the same again
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