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#never barked. never bit anyone. her only crime was chewing on my mlp and lps toys that I left out on the floor
cuteniaarts
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19 days
Text
Fanny, my sweet, beautiful girl
17.11.2012 – 14.04.2019
#my art
#artists on tumblr
#I cannot accept that it has been 5 years already
#I know covid messed with everyone’s sense of time but it simultaneously feels so much longer and so much shorter than that
#exactly five years ago I was holding onto my mom for dear life and sobbing as we watched lilo and stitch together
#not the best movie to watch when you’ve just lost your first ever pet you know
#and then I cried myself to sleep at the next morning we never mentioned her again
#I know it’s because it was way too painful for everyone involved. but I do wish I was allowed to process that grief properly
#instead of bottling it up and pretending everything was okay until I was reminded of her
#feeling like my heart was being shattered over and over again every single time
#well anyway. enough of that. I’ve allowed myself a nice long cry today and got most of it out of my system
#and once I was feeling okay I decided to draw her
#and I can count the number of times I’ve drawn animals on one hand so.. I’m not too sure about the result
#but it felt like to commemorate her in some way.
#so yeah. here she is. my dear girl. the best dog in existence. she was always so affectionate and kind
#which I didn’t always appreciate bc of how young I was. when you’re a kid it feels like pets will live forever
#never barked. never bit anyone. her only crime was chewing on my mlp and lps toys that I left out on the floor
#but I’m grateful she did that. it taught me not to leave my toys lying around and to clean up after myself
#she really was taken from me way too soon. ideally she could still be alive right now. but I’ve been down the road of guilt and regret
#there was nothing I could do. I was a child. I can only hope that she knew she was loved right until the very end
#even if I didn’t know how to show it properly. and great. now I’m tearing up again
#I suppose it’s unavoidable. April 12th will always be a melancholy day. and maybe that’s not such a bad thing
#it’s good to have a day when I can freely remember her and cry if I need to. it’s healthy. it’s better than crying every day
#she never liked it much when I cried. always tried to comfort me. that’s the kind of dog she was. I miss her so much
#when I move apartments and get a dog of my own I’m getting a spaniel. just like she was
#well. maybe a different colour so I don’t end up sobbing every time I look at it. but spaniels really are the perfect breed
#I mean. cavaliers especially were bred for love and warmth. that’s just what I need. it will be nice to have someone waiting for me at home
#and while I don’t necessarily believe in the afterlife… I do hope that Fanny’s watching over me
#spiritually comforting me when I feel all alone in the world. it’s a nice thought for sure
#and hopefully she won’t mind me getting another spaniel too much. it will be done in her honour after all. to make up for my past mistakes
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