#my dislike for what I’ve seen is so intense and immediate that I’ll probably never watch anything with Tom Ellis in it ever again

[bbygirldahyun]

with something like this, there never feels like a right time, and i don’t know if i’ll ever feel well and truly prepared to talk about these things, but i’ll give it a shot. here is my experience with reza and the entire situation.

i say none of this with malice, and i would hope nobody else does either. nobody but those who were directly involved can understand, talking about this is hard, but it’s weighing me down not to. so please, don’t send anyone hate or interact with her at all. i just want to express what happened and move on.

i became friends with reza awhile ago, probably over a year ago at least if my memory serves me correctly. unlike many others in this situation, we were very close. we spoke nearly everyday. we have spoken on the phone, she has met my girlfriend over the phone, we shared a lot of personal things. we even talked about meeting in person at one point. so trust me when i say, this has brought me an intense amount of sorrow, loss, and guilt.

i know people throw around words like gaslighting and manipulative a lot, but i truly mean it when i say she manipulated many of us. she made me feel absolutely insane sometimes, like i couldn’t trust my own memories, perspectives, and experiences. what i said i thought happened never mattered. experiences i had with someone were never considered unless they aligned with her predetermined narrative. she would convince me i said or did things i didn’t, or at least didnt remember saying. she told people i was angry at her about something when i had no recollection of it. i’m not an angry person, i couldn’t imagine being truly angry and harsh with her ever.

it seemed every few weeks or months, she picked a new person to dislike and she wanted everyone else to dislike them too. she used to tell me frequently how nobody ever believed her about anything, so at first when she would tell me about not liking someone for some reason i always tried to validate her and believe what she said. i wanted her to know i was a good friend, i wanted to be a good friend. but the more it went on, the more i started to question things. people i didn’t know very well i easily believed what she said, because i’m very trusting. i had no reason not to trust her, really. but then it became people who were my friends that were the targets of her distaste.

if i ever had a small problem with someone, she blew it way out of proportion. of course all friends have issues, everyone has issues. so i would confide in her when other people i was friends with had upset me somehow, and she always responded with incredibly petty insults about the person whether it be their writing, their art, or about them as a person. it was very odd. but i learned very quickly i couldn’t ever defend any of my other friends, because that angered her severely. she has talked poorly about just about every single person on this website in this community, including her own friends. i know sometimes you just need a place to vent, i understand that, i’ve done that myself. but she was often rude, petty, and insulting about these people. it wasn’t just venting, it was true distaste and malice.

if she wasn’t responding with petty insults, she would become very intense about the situation. she would almost always instruct me to not trust that person anymore, or to cut them off, or even sometimes go as far as to “handle” the situation herself. another writer mentioned in their post that they were kicked from a groupchat because of her, and i was in that groupchat, and she did it simply because a joke that was made had upset me slightly. she took things from 0 to 100 in seconds, before i could even protest. sometimes when she did things like that, i felt perhaps that’s what friends did? i didn’t have many friends growing up, so i guess i didn’t really know. but it often felt as if she treated me like someone who couldn’t fight my own battles when really, i’m just not a fighter by choice. i’d rather talk things out, especially with someone who was a friend of mine who i cherish deeply.

i confided in her that i was very trusting and thought everyone had good intentions due to being autistic and taking what people say at face value. i told her that’s how i ended up in my abusive relationship, because i was too trusting. she told me she hated that anyone had done that to me, and then went and did it herself. she took advantage of the fact i can’t tell easily when i’m being manipulated. she attempted to plant seeds of distrust within me towards every single other friend i had, even my girlfriend. i spoke to her once about an issue my girlfriend and i had had a long time ago, and she immediately said in essence she didn’t think my girlfriend was good for me. this was one issue within a nearly 5 year relationship. it felt insanely isolating, to be told at every turn that anyone in my life was bad for me, except for her.

it’s also worthy of pointing that all of these people who she would talk so poorly about to me and to just about anyone who would listen, she is more than willing to turn around and kiss their feet when she lost all her friends. duckie was a particular target of hers in terms of her attempts to get me to cut my friendship off with. some of the things she said to me, i don’t even want to repeat, though of course i have told duckie about it. she has said nasty things about her, about me, about our entire friendship. and yet, the second she didn’t have her friends on here anymore, she was tagging duckie in a praising post, surely in the hopes somebody might take her side i can only assume. that really boiled my blood — all of those nasty words, only to turn around and do that. and duckie isn’t even the only one, she’s just the one i’m closest to who reza did that with.

she has accused so many of us of being clout obsessed or chasing clout. i am no professional, nor can i make claims with 100% certainty, but i would go out on a limb and say i’m fairly positive those accusations are heavy projection. many of her accusations are, to be frank. she has always been seeking “clout”, attention really, ever since the beginning. she used to tell me her biggest dream was to end up on one of those writer reccomendation lists and so it doesn’t surprise me at all that her supposed final straw with lu was being excluded from one, even accidentally. but of course, she’s certainly accused all of us time and time again that we’re obsessed with clout, that we’re all only friends with each other for clout. and it’s sad to me, that that’s how she sees friendship, a means for exchange. but it’s clear that’s how she treats friendships.

she also accused someone of copying art. now whether they did or not, i have absolutely no clue. but when she showed me the supposedly copied art, i told her i wasn’t an artist and i’m also pretty face blind so i wasn’t sure if i was the best judge of whether it was copied or not. she got very angry at me for not believing her, and i tried to reassure her i trusted her perspectives i just couldn’t make the call myself. this became a repetitive situation between us — her making an accusation, me trying to dispute or to even just deflect and move on in conversation, and she’d get mad at me or just straight up stop replying. it was exhausting.

the rumors she has spread about me and others on here are horrible. some of the things she’s said about me have me absolutely floored. there’s things i’d love to address, but i don’t want to throw the person who told me what she said under the bus. but what i will say, is she basically acts as if i’m incompetent without her. i hate to throw around accusing words, but in retrospect many of the things she did and said to me and things she’s said and done since ending our friendship feel incredibly ableist and infantalizing.

now onto what really brought all of this to head. i’m sure all of you have seen the posts referring her calling a trans poc a nazi, but that’s not my story to tell really. my story is what happened after. she dmed me in the midst of that situation to complain to me about the person she accused of being a nazi, and i essentially told her not to bring me in the middle of it. at the time they were both my friends, and i thought she was acting incredibly out of pocket. of course, she grew upset, but insisted she wasn’t trying to bring me into it. i told her i didn’t think her accusation was fair, she told me that this person blocking her was “proof” that they were a nazi supporter, and i basically told her that was quite a leap. we didn’t talk for awhile after that, until she reached out again saying she didn’t want to lose me as a friend and this very long, nice message. i told her i valued her friendship a lot and as her friend, i felt it was my duty to tell her she fucked up and that she should apologized. she admitted to me she knew she was wrong. she admitted it. but she said something like it was too late to do anything about it. one of our last dm exchanges was her saying i was the one person she didn’t want to lose. then she blocked everyone.

so when she tells people i blocked her, or i ended the friendship, or whatever, that’s not true. i didn’t block her until she blocked me. i was never mean to her, not even at the very bitter end. if she thinks i was a bad friend, by all means she can think that, but i tried my best day in and day out to be a good friend. i wanted to make things work so badly, i truly loved reza as a best friend, we had so many good memories together. it broke my heart to watch her behave that way and go on to behave how she’s behaved since. i thought she was better than all of that.

she’s thrown out all sorts of wild accusations towards nearly everyone on here, including claiming we’re all lesbophobic for not supporting her gofundme. this is where her hypocrisy becomes evident. her close friend who has since deactivated had made a post basically claiming that posting “a few words” isnt activism right in the middle of when many of us on here were sharing donation links of black people in need in the aftermath of the chauvin verdict, which reza reblogged. both reza and her friend shared their own gofundmes mere days after that post. i thought that was absolutely despicable. not to mention the amount of times she’s accused lu of being transphobic and a bad ally, or reblogged posts of her cis friend claiming lu is a bad ally, which just isn’t true in the slightest. lu is an upstanding individual, and truly the pinnacle of allyship in my mind. she doesn’t just reblog a post to look good, she’s truly an amazing and supportive friend. couldn’t ask for better than that.

reza is hypocritical in so many other, smaller ways. she attacked someone for simply watching a critical review of attack on titan but continues to stan groups and people who have problematic or questionable pasts or elements to them. of course, media has problematic elements and we can engage with that critically, but the problem is she seems to think only she can do that and other people are free game to jump on and make wild accusations about. she claimed softblocking people was dumb, only to softblock me herself days later. the expectations she places on others she feels no obligation to uphold herself.

she has made attempts to entice new writers into this community by promoting them, praising their work, and claiming they can be the biggest writer etc all the while on her twitter tweeting things to the effect of all the writing on hc tumblr is boring now, or twice fic isn’t as good anymore, dreamcatcher fics are better etc etc. it’s disgusting. she brought innocent people fresh to the community into this nonsense and the second they didn’t validate her entire pov she deleted everything relating to them on her blog, all her promotions, and tweeted she’ll never help a new writer again. it was horrible to watch how many people became involved in this messy web and got hurt because of it.

i want to end all of this by apologizing from the bottom of my heart to anybody who i was swayed into a wrong opinion of by reza, to anyone who i spoke on without realizing i was being clouded by her manipulation, and to all of my friends who she spoke so poorly about. i did everything i thought i could to defend the people i cared about, but as many others can attest to she’s incredibly hard to argue against. it’s painful, and sometimes i hit a point of exhaustion. i am so sorry. i am truly, truly sorry to anyone who has been hurt by this situation, by reza or any of her friends or anybody. it was terrible being stuck in that cycle of awfulness, and i feel so much guilt thinking that i could’ve ever contributed to her poor actions and words about others. i trusted her with so many private things and i regret it more than anything.

that’s the hardest part of this, that i trusted her with so much. i trusted her with many things i would hardly share with anyone else. i told her embarrassing stories, shared much of my traumas to her, told her about my sister and my family and my girlfriend and all of these personal things. she told me so many things in return, but i know who i am. i know i would never share any of those things, none of the embarrassing stuff or the private stuff, nor would i laugh at it even to myself. but i know who she is, and that makes me feel like someone who i can’t trust holds so many things i shared in comfort, a comfort i no longer have. it’s difficult to grapple with.

and reza, if you’re reading this and i’m pretty positive you will be — i hope you find peace within yourself so you don’t have to treat people this way. perhaps i’m too optimistic, too kind and too trusting and too easily tricked, but i would rather be that than live the way you have, paranoid and bitter inside towards everyone. i hope you find a way beyond that, and i mean that genuinely.

#me

[thenextchapter22]

PART SIX!!

Description: You were an Angel who went to the human world to escape punishment for loving Lucifer only to be brought back into his life, this time in the Devildom where you pretend to be human.

In this chapter: You are back at the HOL...

Tags: Unrequited Love, Fluff, Angst, WIP

Pairing(s): Lucifer/Reader

Word Count: 2.5k

Link to my AO3: Click Here

Authors Note: It’s been a month and my hiatus is over now, so please enjoy this next part!! Love you guys so much ~~

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five

_+_

Being back in the House of Lamentation was a little strange. After a few extra days at Diavolo’s in that admittedly larger bedroom than yours, Lucifer had taken you back home. He bid you a quick farewell, a single hug and hair ruffling with his smirk, before he said he had duties to attend to. And things seemed back to normal with that. It was a little anticlimactic but…

Home. This was your home. Lord Diavolo gave you, an Angel (and were you still technically one, without your halo? Only wings and some leftover magic?), permission to live in the Devildom. A place for Demons, not… you. He called you ‘family’. Even Barbatos, when leaving the Castle, had smiled at you and given you a happy goodbye and an invite to tea whenever you’d like.

“Your company is always welcome,” the demon butler had said.

You stood just outside your doorway, as if turning the handle would transport you somewhere else. Maybe this was a dream. It was all too surreal to have actually happened.

Once you were inside, barely two steps in the bedroom, an invisible weight lifted off you. This was where you spent your nights, either totally alone and at peace, or with your housemates to keep you company. Studying with Satan or reading a novel and talking about the characters while sitting in your bed, or watching DevilTube with Mammon and laughing at the rom-coms because he was a sucker for those. If Asmo came back late from a party or if he was lonely and needing cuddles, you both would stay up late gossiping about everyone, and you would hear funny stories about Solomon or the brothers. When Levi would come out of his cave, and bring his handheld games, and you would battle each other for hours (you usually won only a few times but it was still fun). Eating midnight snacks you and Beel snuck out from the kitchen, waking up with crumbs in your bed and a different demon boy in your bed, Belphie, who was cuddling you and mumbling in his sleep, warm and soft, like the twins had traded you off.

The only demon brother who never came in your room was Lucifer… That man was always in his own bedroom, up late doing paperwork or wandering around doing things for Diavolo. He overworked himself constantly.

You smiled, recalling the first time you had ventured in his bedroom at night to give him some coffee and poison apples to snack on. He was grateful for it, and he smiled with crinkles in his eyes and warmth radiating from him, and he thanked you. It was one of your best moments here, with him. A small one, but still perfect.

“You’re back!!”

You jumped in surprise as your legs were attacked and you very nearly fell over. Your train of thought vanished immediately. Looking down, then seeing the mop of blonde, you realized it was just Luke.

He was a sweet Angel, still learning and growing, and he had a heart of gold. Sometimes he was a bit sensitive to the demon brothers teasing (mostly Mammon’s). It was funny to watch him get all flustered and red-faced when that happened and insult back to the best he of his abilities.

“Hi Luke,” you greeted, returning his hug. “I’m happy to see you.”

He grinned up at you, head just reaching mid-level, his chin resting on your abdomen. “I missed you. Are you feeling better? Simeon told me everything and I’m so excited to hear you’re an Angel just like us! You have to tell me all about when you lived in the Celestial Realm, please?”

Simeon chuckled from behind Luke, tugging him away gently. “Let’s leave her alone while she gets settled back in, okay? We can visit another time. We came to see Lucifer.”

Luke pouted, but sighed and nodded. He took your hand and squeezed it once. “I want to hear all about it, okay?” he asked with determination.

That was Luke, always adamant and cute. You smiled and ruffled his hair, the youngest Angel huffing. “I promise I will, Luke.”

Simeon waved goodbye, shutting the door behind him, and that left you alone in your little room. You fell onto your bed face first and inhaled deeply, rolling on your side and clutching a pillow to your chest.

Now what would happen? Things seemed to be returning to normal, but would everything?

A knock. “Are you in there Angel girl?” Belphegor’s voice came through the door.

You were a little nervous to see him, but he was the last demon brother you’d thought you’d see first. Seeing as he was usually asleep somewhere.

But when you opened the door, it wasn’t only Belphie. It was all of the brothers, minus Lucifer, and they had wide silly smiles on their faces. And then they tackled you in hugs, squeezing you and overwhelming you with their tight holds and back rubs. You just laughed and let them, knowing they probably had been worried about you after all.

“Guys—please, guys stop! I can’t breathe,” you laughed, shoving at the arms and torsos around you. Once you were free, you stepped back and smiled. Seeing all of their happy faces had your insides twisting in joy. “I missed you guys so much, it’s good to see every one of you.”

Mammon spoke first. “Damn right! We’ve been totally freaked out about you. We-well, I-I mean, I haven’t been losing sleep or anything, but they all kept asking Lucifer where you were and when you’re gonna come back. Ch, losers.” His face was flushed when he finished. Why was this white-haired demon so damn cute when he was trying to not care, you would never know the reason.

“I lost no sleep,” Belphie stated.

You chuckled. Typical Belphegor. “Well, I am sorry for worrying everyone…” You frowned, and looked at the floor. There was that inner voice telling you that even if they were all here and hugging you, it was still possible for them to dislike you for lying, hiding this entire time. “But… You don’t… hate me?”

Asmo gasped. “No, dear, we don’t hate you at all! We love you!”

That made you tear up a little bit, and Asmo cooed and hugged you. Mammon grumbled and Asmo gave you one last squeeze then let you go. Your face was a little bit red but only from the embarrassment of nearly crying when being told you were loved.

“How could we hate you? You’re still you,” Beel said.

Satan agreed. “Yes, exactly. Only now you have wings and magic we didn’t know about. You’ll have to show us sometime, I’ve never seen an Angel’s wings in person, only in textbooks. It makes sense why your grades in Celestial History are on par with my own.”

You smiled sheepishly. “Yeah, well… only up until a certain point…”

Satan chuckled. “Yes, I suppose that is true. I do want to see your wings, but we were told you’re still healing so there’s no rush.”

“Yes, we want to see them too, darling~”

“The Great Mammon should get first look.”

Waving your hands to calm them down, you nodded and agreed. “Okay, I promise I’ll show you eventually. But like Satan said I do have to take it easy for a while.”

You were planning on going for a midnight fly session tonight, though… But that was a secret that you felt comfortable keeping, like a small white lie. Hopefully no one would find out.

There was one demon who hadn’t said a word, in fact he barely hugged you like the others did. Leviathan. He was quietly standing in the doorway, fidgeting on the balls of his feet, probably waiting for his turn to say something but too shy to speak up.

“Levi? Do you have anything you want to tell me?”

He jumped in surprise, but nodded after a moment. His face flushed and he fumbled with his hands, he usually did that when he didn’t have a phone or device in them. “I-I just want to say… Please don’t ever ever EVER leave us again. I don’t know what I’d do without my midnight gaming buddy. And, well, I just—I love you, okay? You’re my Henry and you aren’t allowed to leave like that!” He was flustered when he finished and avoided eye contact with everyone.

The other boys ‘aw’ed and you smiled in happiness. It was incredible to know that no one hated you for hiding this from them.

“I won’t ever leave you, Levi.”

That was a promise you hoped to keep. These 6 demon boys here were family, your own siblings, and you loved them and all of their weird quirks.

“Hm, I want to ask you something,” Beel’s voice rang out.

Oh no, this was it. The dreaded questioning. They would want to know everything, why you left, where you were, why you lied. And you didn’t know if you had to courage to speak up.

“How did we not remember you?”

Oh thank the Heaven’s. Good kind Beel, nothing bad ever seemed to come from him. Shoving the urge to sigh appreciatively out loud because that would cause actual questions that would be difficult to answer, you instead pondered the question. Would it be against Lucifer’s wishes? He never mentioned keeping it a secret from his brothers.

And so, you told them. About Michael and their memories being tampered with. And they were livid. So livid in fact, they all transformed into their demon forms. And your room was filled with infernal magic and wings and tails flickering. It was intense, but you knew it all came from a place of love. Even Satan, who had yet to be born at the time this happened, was upset, his green tail twisting around. In the tiny space, it was a lot.

Holding up your hand, hoping this calmed them down, you spoke softly, “Please relax everyone. I’m okay now. Simeon and Lucifer helped me. No one can hurt me here.”

“And… you’re staying?” Satan asked.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

They all relaxed, and changed back to their ‘human’ forms. You felt that you could breathe again.

The silence was tense, and you swallowed thickly, trying to think of something to say. Luckily, someone else did.

Asmo clapped his hands and exclaimed, “Let’s have a movie night! Popcorn, blankets, cuddling. It’ll be so fun! It’s the perfect thing to reconnect.”

Good ole’ Asmo, you would kiss him if you didn’t think it would cause a disaster. “Yeah, let’s do it,” you agreed. “But I pick the movie. We’re watching a scary movie.” You wiggled your fingers, chuckling.

Mammon’s face dropped. “Uh, we—we should watch something else, like an Action movie. A superhero movie, those are awesome!”

“Why, are you gonna cry if we watch a horror film?” Satan teased.

“Yeah, poor Mammon’s gonna wet himself,” Belphie joked.

“He probably already has,” Levi chuckled.

Mammon growled, and reached for them with his hands, probably to strangle them, but you stuck out your hand. “Please, no fighting. We can watch a funny movie then.”

Mammon relaxed. “I didn’t care either way!” he declared.

So your bedroom was transformed into a fort of soft pillows, blankets and sheets. Satan used a spell to make the bed larger for everyone and he TV was enlarged, too. Very handy spellcasting. Beel and Levi went to get snacks and drinks, and everyone else got the room set up with pillows for everybody.

After the movie started, and everyone was situated on the huge bed, it was quiet. Everyone was scattered around with their own pillows and you felt surrounded by warmth. This was exactly what you needed, just some time with them, feeling at peace.

But the comfortable quiet did not last long.

From where Mammon was snuggled beside you, he nudged your arm and said, “So… are you gonna tell us about it?”

You blinked. “About what?”

“Your life with the humans. We want to know everything. What it was like, who you met. Oh, did you meet anyone famous?”

Satan sat up straight. “Yes, did you meet any historical figures?”

Everyone seemed to be listening in instead of watching the film now.

You thought it over, and nodded. “Yeah, a few I guess… they were ordinary people to me at the time, though… Just your fellow human helping out other humans. I tended to keep out of any major conflicts so not to affect too much. I guess just part of what I’d been taught growing up in the Celestial Realm: don’t do anything to change the path humanity will take.”

Mammon nodded. “What was one of your favorite memories?”

Wow, that was a hard question to answer. You even said so. “I lived on Earth for a long time... I have a lot of stuff packed in my head,” you chuckled.

“Aw, c’mon, there’s gotta be somethin’ that sticks out,” Mammon said. “You can’t think of one thing?”

“Oooh, what was your favorite style of outfit? Maybe those pretty dresses from the 18th century?” Asmo asked.

“Anything before the invention of the internet has to be the worst,” Levi commented.

Beel, while chewing on some popcorn, said, “The food is always gonna be good, but when the cheeseburger was created was probably my favorite time in history.”

You chuckled at each of their comments. But you did go through your favorite memories, friends’ long past and different towns flashing through your mind’s eye. Overall they were happy memories but in the end, it was always the same endgame. They died, and you moved on.

You must have made some noise or done something because Asmo made a cooing noise at you. “Oh, sweetie.” He immediately pulled you into his arms, tucking you into his neck to pet your hair. A few tear drops fell but you did sob or cry at all.

There were hands rubbing your back and arms, and you looked up to see the brother’s saddened smiling faces.

“We are here for you,” Satan reassured you, stroking his hand up and down your upper arm. His hand was warm and comforting.

Levi sniffled, and squeezed your hand. “Don’t cry anymore, you don’t need to when we can protect you now.”

Beel reached behind himself, and held out a candy bar towards you. “Hey, do you want some of my chocolate? It’s got small crunchy bits in it. And chocolate makes you feel better.” He smiled, and handed you the candy bar. It had a bite out of it, but the thought was nice.

“Thank you, Beel.”

“And here, take my blanket, you look cold.” Belphie put his small throw blanket over your lower half, making his brothers curse when it buried their own arms or hands.

You smiled up at him. “Thanks, Belphie.”

Asmo made a huffing sound. “Well, I want to play with your hair. Can I braid it, please?”

You giggled. “Go ahead, Asmo.”

You let them pamper you up, while the movie played in the background. Eventually the movie ended and Levi set up a racing game, and you all selected your characters and played together. It was a perfect first day back home.

#lucifer x you #reader x lucifer #mc x lucifer #obey me fanfiction #obey me shall we date #obey me shall we date fanfiction #obey me lucifer #obey me #obey me mc #obey me reader #wingfic #my fics #obey me simeon #obey me luke #obey me asmo #obey me levi #obey me belphie #obey me beel #obey me mammon #obey me satan #obey me barbatos #fanfcition #ao3 link

[jamiiviper]

The Jamil Essay

this is a reupload of a post i made a couple of weeks ago - previously it was an external link to a google doc, so it never showed up in any of the twst tags, but i worked so hard on this and i would really love it if more people read it, so i’m reuploading directly to tumblr.

to put it simply, this is a 3.7k word character analysis purely about jamil. and even with a word count like that i wasn’t quite able to cover everything i wanted to say, so who knows, maybe there’ll be a part 2 one day. i’ve also decided i do want to write a kalim version, so i’ll probably start working on that sometime soon! stay tuned!

trigger warnings: mentions of child abuse

jamil is the vice dorm leader of scarabia, who’s been kalim’s caretaker practically since birth. he puts on a facade of not standing out, preferring to remain completely average, and plans his life around kalim’s antics. as we learned in chapter 4, however, his true feelings are that he bears a lot of resentment towards kalim, and that he wants to stand out - he just wasn’t allowed to, as he can never surpass kalim.

in this essay i want to cover not just my personal interpretation of jamil, but also some common misconceptions that people tend to have about him. twitter doesn’t have this problem as much, but with tumblr i’ve found that there are very few jamil stans, especially in the theory and writing communities - meaning it’s quite common for people to misunderstand his character. in the fandom as a whole, it’s common for people to only acknowledge him insofar as “gay for kalim”. 

firstly, jamil’s character development in the main story - i would say he’s arguably the best-developed character in twst, since yana now has enough chapters available to flesh out characters after their main story arc ended. jamil holds very deep-seated resentment against kalim, to the point that he plotted to betray him for probably several years. he plotted to have kalim not just thrown out of nrc, but thoroughly ruin his reputation in the process. after his overblot, those feelings did not magically vanish - far from it. i think earlier twst chapters suffered from arcs being wrapped up a little too neatly post-overblot, but pomefiore’s arc has already proved itself to be the exception and thoroughly covers not just jamil’s continued dislike for kalim, but also the wider consequences for what he did.

since the twst school year begins in september, we know jamil is about 9 months older than kalim. from literally the day kalim was born, jamil’s life has been dedicated to kalim. possibly since the day jamil was born, and he was always fated to be kalim’s caretaker. it may even have been the reason he was born at all. either way, it’s not like he remembers those 9 months. all jamil has ever known is that his sole purpose must be to serve kalim. he must not have desires of his own, he must not do anything for himself - from childhood he was expected to be ready to give up his life for kalim at a moment’s notice. he can’t be good at anything - kalim must always be better (i’ll cover this in more depth in a later paragraph, this philosophy is key to his character). his own parents drilled this into him, even going to the extent of hitting him if he didn’t comply. it seems he has a normal relationship with his family despite this - he bickers with his sister like regular siblings, and pre-overblot he indicated that his desire to be free from servitude wasn’t just about him, he wanted to free his family. nonetheless, the psychological damage his childhood caused him is severe. is it any wonder his unique magic is mind control, when he’s never had an ounce of control over his own life?

moving onto his early teen years, we know both jamil and kalim were severely poisoned at one point, both falling into comas for around two weeks. although we don’t have a timeframe for jamil’s coma, we know kalim’s was when they were around 13 years old. if jamil’s was around this age too - probably a short while afterwards - i think it’s plain to see why jamil’s resentment began to build. he’d have been around the age where he first started to question why his life has to revolve around kalim. why should he be expected to die for someone he doesn’t even like, who’s spoiled and doesn’t realise how much jamil does for him? kalim takes everything for granted: status, friendships, freedom, and jamil is meanwhile left in the shadows with nothing. then one day kalim gets poisoned so badly he falls into a coma - how much do you want to bet jamil was blamed for that, at the age of 13? after that he’s expected to taste-test anything kalim eats beforehand, and eventually starts making all his meals for him because the risk of poison is so high otherwise. then one day he slips up, or it’s an undetectable poison, and jamil is the one to fall into a coma. is anyone blamed for that? does anyone pity jamil outside of his immediate family + kalim? no, probably not. after all, he’s just doing his duty, right? it’s truly… no wonder jamil’s resentment became so intense. he finally has proof that his life truly does not matter. although kalim certainly cares about him, he doesn’t understand jamil’s position. he sees jamil as a friend, an equal; jamil knows this can never be the case, and he also knows kalim is too privileged to ever hope to understand. 

fast forward on a couple of years to jamil receiving his nrc acceptance letter. he thinks that finally, finally he’s going to be free. four years of freedom - and who knows, maybe after that he can be free forever! he can finally excel at his classes and be his true self, without fear of upstaging kalim! 

and then kalim gets accepted a month late. for no reason other than his surname. 

and then kalim gets sorted into his dorm.

it’s a miracle he didn’t just overblot on the spot - but that’s his nature as a scarabia student. careful foresight and planning. this moment was, undoubtedly, the moment he started planning his betrayal. he had his one month of freedom ripped away, just like that. 

oh, don’t forget the fact that not long after, kalim was made dorm leader not because he notably embodies scarabia values at all, but because of nepotism. (side note: most scarabia stans agree kalim does actually reflect scarabia values, just not as obviously as jamil does, but either way jamil himself wouldn’t see it this way. this is a jamil essay so i won’t go in depth about this unless asked to!)

under kalim’s watch, scarabia - known for its intelligence and cunning - is turned into “the party dorm”. this seems to be the fandom’s perception of them too - i mean, just ask any non-scarabia stan what goes on in scarabia, that’s probably the answer they’ll give you. jamil would have probably loved the original scarabia; although we don’t know much about it, we know scarabia students are on a par with octavinelle when it comes to intelligence (paralleling azul’s constant interest in jamil). yet by winter break, scarabia is doing so badly in those same exams that they didn’t even place in the rankings…? without meaning to, kalim clearly harmed scarabia. instead of getting chance to study magic and show off, jamil is now essentially an unpaid, full-time party planner by the time his second year starts.

a few months later, winter break finally arrives, and jamil executes his plan to dethrone kalim. i may have just spent the last two pages defending jamil’s grudge, but his actions themselves are still indefensible. there’s evidence to suggest kalim knew what was occurring on some level - refusing to answer jade’s question about who was hypnotising him proved that 1) he probably had some idea deep down that jamil was betraying him 2) he doesn’t want jamil to get in trouble for it. nonetheless, this does not make what jamil did okay in the slightest, even if kalim allowed it to happen. jamil is, undoubtedly, the bad guy in this situation, no matter how sympathetic his childhood makes you feel. i could go into detail about why kalim acted the way he did, but again, this is jamil-focused.

i’ll skip talking about his overblot, because i covered his hatred for kalim in a lot of depth already and i want to talk about the general aspects of his personality like his desire for praise later on. so moving onto the end of chapter 4, we see jamil’s true self: a snarky, heavily opinionated boy who honestly just wants to be free to be himself.

but just like his freedom, that side of jamil once again only lasts for a brief moment. jamil almost loses everything after his overblot. practically every scarabia student hates him and wants him thrown out of the dorm - even kalim, his sole defender, can’t call him a good person. he’s a traitor. he says he trusts the scarabia students to work out that it’s better for them if he stays, but that day won’t come any time soon, and until then he’s keeping his distance from them all, because their hatred is that strong. if azul truly had been streaming to more people than just jade, his life would have been ruined beyond repair. so what does jamil do? he goes back to serving kalim. as a scarabia student, his foresight is good enough that he knows the option he hates the most is the only one that’ll be good for him in the end. for jamil, being himself is nothing short of a death sentence.

now i’ve talked for far too long about the timeline of his character arc, i can finally get to the good stuff: jamil’s personality, and how it’s changed throughout the stories we’ve seen so far.

the first thing that springs to mind when you think of jamil, other than “snake”, is probably “tired”. or “he’s going to snap”. something along those lines. which... yes, we know he is. he did snap. after chapter 4, this doesn’t seem to have changed too much, but i do get the impression that he’s somewhat less stressed out by kalim. his resentment has dissipated, for the most part (he does still openly insult him, though), so while he does grumble at kalim there’s no suppressed fury behind it. what replaced that fury?

guilt.

in 5-10, jamil tells azul that he intends to continue to obediently follow kalim around in order to restore his reputation, both inside and outside of scarabia. this does of course make him sound pretty selfish (as per usual), and in classic jamil fashion he doesn’t let his true emotions show, so it’s easy to take this at face value and assume he just doesn’t really care. i think in this case, we need to look more at his actions that we see throughout chapter 5. namely, the way it’s being emphasised how he’s silently watching kalim from afar - something he’s always done, yes, but yana seems to be really making a point of it in chapter 5. it’s not just kalim he’s distancing himself from, either. he’s staying away from the rest of the scarabia students too, as mentioned earlier. he never had any friends at all to rely on, even before his overblot. so by doing this, he’s effectively completely isolating himself. he clearly has a lot of thoughts about everything that he’s not sharing with anyone - just listen to the way he sighs at the end of the flashback in 5-10, how annoyed and frustrated he seems. if jamil was telling the truth about just wanting to restore his reputation, he’d probably appreciate kalim’s efforts, even if he dislikes kalim himself. he shouldn’t be upset by kalim persuading the scarabia students to give him another chance. not if he truly just wants to get back to normal. i think on some level, jamil feels incredibly guilty over his actions. he might not have even admitted to himself yet that he feels this way, and by saying things like “i just want to restore my reputation” he’s just trying to convince himself. after all, that’s something he has a history of doing.

ever since jamil’s first introduction, we’ve known jamil lives his life by the philosophy of “not standing out is the best way to succeed”. he hates standing out or receiving any kind of positive attention at all, because he thinks that it’ll only attract trouble. or so we thought, because as we learned from his overblot, jamil desperately wants to stand out. he’s powerful and intelligent, and he wants people to acknowledge that. he wants the praise and recognition he knows he deserves. this means that whenever he said he didn’t want to stand out, he was lying through his teeth - he probably constantly tried and failed to convince himself of this throughout his childhood. during his lab SR story, he even repeats it to himself in his thoughts, like a mantra - “I want to avoid standing out. I can’t be satisfied with this. I cannot be too good, nor fall behind, and neither should I get satisfactory grades or fail. This is the best shortcut to success.”. much like his feelings of guilt, jamil refused to acknowledge how much he truly wanted to show off, even in his own thoughts. he is awful at being honest to himself.

post-ch5, we find out that despite everything, jamil does still hold this philosophy, to some extent. he of course shows off his singing and dancing skills enough to be chosen as a main vocalist, and he says he wants to make a name for himself and show various people just how talented he truly is: kalim, his family, the asims and MC, to name a few. yet in the chapter before that, when kalim compliments his singing and dancing, he’s like “i don’t really want to stand out, but…”. which is honestly a little confusing at first because he does want to. i’d probably interpret it as something along the lines of he wants to show off to the people he cares about, but he still wants to keep his head down in general. so i think that to some extent, maybe he actually has internalised that philosophy now. the one time he truly expressed his desire to stand out, it ended in catastrophe for him. he has this tiny seed of doubt within him now, telling him his parents were right all along. but... he’s working past it, and applying himself as and when he’s comfortable doing so.

going back to him being bad at being honest, jamil’s a pretty big tsundere. there’s one person he does regularly receive praise from: kalim. yet despite desperately wanting to be praised, he often gets annoyed at kalim and tells him something like “this isn’t about me right now” or “what does that have to do with anything?”. plus when the praise is coming from kalim, it’s often in the context of kalim praising him to other people - as a servant, he can’t be seen accepting all these compliments, right? he can never be better than kalim. so he has to reject kalim’s praise. when it’s just the two of them alone, though, is when jamil gets embarrassed to the point he has to hide his blush under his hood. given his childhood, chances are that he doesn’t really know how to process being praised. he knows he wants people’s approval, but when he actually gets it, he just short-circuits. it was the same at his birthday celebration; although he wants to be the centre of attention, when it actually happens, he gets all embarrassed and tsun. i was trying not to let my own personal feelings spill in this but oh my god he’s so cute i can’t

next... this isn’t really linked to any previous topic, but i want to talk about jamil’s cooking! jamil cooks all of kalim’s meals, and regularly cooks entire feasts for kalim’s parties, too (as well as being in charge of getting any animals kalim wants to show off, decorating the dorm, making sure everything runs smoothly… you get the idea). his cooking is very good, and he has a lot of technical knowledge about cooking too - azul, whose parents run a restaurant, didn’t know about emulsification, but jamil was able to explain it to him. despite being so good, though, according to his dorm SSR homescreen lines he doesn’t actually like cooking very much. he says the fact that he cooks so much is “just how things turned out”. of course, he could just be being a tsun, but i do feel like he’s being honest with this - what reason does he have to seriously enjoy something he was forced into doing his entire life? However there is evidence that he might enjoy it after all; he’s particularly good at alchemy because of his cooking knowledge, and according to magical archives he’s completely neutral in motivation for both flying and history lessons, but has slightly higher motivation levels for alchemy, indicating that he can’t stop himself from putting a little bit extra effort into that class. i think it can be interpreted either way with the canon info we have currently, but regardless i would not say he’s the cooking fanatic people often depict him as. 

also, when jamil cooks, although his cooking is good, visually it’s usually very boring, to the point he and his sister would bicker over it. he has the technical skills to cook good food, but no idea how to present it. similarly, in his fairy gala SR he was told that although he perfectly memorised the dance, it was boring to watch - it looked like he was just executing the routine without any passion behind it. jamil is so emotionally repressed that he has no idea how to express his individuality. even in his bedroom, the only truly personal items he owns are a first aid kit (related to his servant position, not him as a human being) and a stereo + headphones set for dancing. he doesn’t have any other hobbies or interests - he doesn’t even know what people his age do for fun, because he’s never been allowed to think about such things. 

dancing is all jamil has that’s not directly related to serving kalim, really - but even that ties into his servant status. although he genuinely enjoys it nowadays and dances by himself for fun, he only picked it up as a hobby because kalim wanted to go to dance practice, and of course jamil had to accompany him. when his flashback after his overblot talks about him deliberately losing to kalim, the story focuses specifically on a dancing competition. which is why it’s honestly so important to jamil’s character that chapter 5 focuses on a singing and dancing competition. jamil finally has the chance not just to show off his skills in general, but his skills at the one thing he’s been allowed to love throughout his life. the one thing where losing to kalim at it hurt so much that it was such a prominent memory for him. when jamil was chosen as a main vocalist, he instinctively tries to say kalim would be better suited for the position, but stops himself and accepts it. it clearly means so much to him that he was chosen for this.

okay i started to scare people with how long this was getting when it was only 50% finished, i think if i write anymore people will actually be concerned for my health so i’ll leave it here. if you read all of this, thank you so much for putting up with my anime boy brainrot for over six full pages! i really.. really like jamil. again, i most certainly do not think his actions should be defended, but god if they’re not fascinating to read about. and i hope i covered the other sides to him well enough, the things that you’d never ordinarily pick up on because so few people talk about him outside of him and kalim as a pair (both platonic scarabia + romantic jamikali, i mean). he has so much depth to him that people don’t see and god i could easily have gone on for another few pages if i wasn’t forcing myself to stop. but please please talk to me if you want to hear more...

yana has treated him so well, jamil stans get too much food if anything but i’m absolutely thriving off it as you can see! thank you for allowing him to exist, yana-sensei!

having said that, i couldn’t stop myself from adding some extra facts about him below. please enjoy.

some fun jamil facts for your soul:

his sister used to bake him cookies on his birthday - specifically, these!

when jamil and kalim went to eat at the cafeteria with ruggie and leona, leona took one look at jamil and went “you look like you’d kill kalim in his sleep”

sebek and jamil find each other’s positions enviable. sebek wishes he could have been by malleus’ side from birth as jamil was with kalim, and jamil just… wishes he served someone he respected as deeply as sebek respects malleus (but he does think sebek is too enthusiastic)

jamil hates surprises with a burning passion, and despite being with kalim for 17 years is still not used to them. for his previous birthday, kalim held a huge surprise party, and i think he still hasn’t recovered from the shock

i think a lot of people already know that in his birthday SSR story he said he wanted a parrot after graduation so he could teach it to call him master, but it goes a bit further than that? it was actually first mentioned during his lesson chats, when kalim gets a parrot. jamil has to research how to care for it, and ended up wanting one of his own afterwards (but got too tsundere to admit it at the time).

also, he heard that the sorcerer of the sands’ parrot (iago) could speak as fluently as a human, and he got excited and watched a bunch of parrot videos on magicam, but was of course disappointed to find out that this was not the case.

he frequently uses flattery to try and get his way, like when he attempts to flatter vil during his SSR story - unfortunately he misjudged vil, as vil’s actually the type of person who hates meaningless flattery. because he does this so frequently, when he genuinely does give compliments people don’t always believe him.

according to the halloween event, jamil is surprisingly environmentally conscious, and insists on holding a sustainable halloween theme. after organising so many parties and seeing the waste they probably produce, i think there’s no wonder he’s so concerned about it.

#twisted wonderland #jamil viper #twst jamil #scarabia #twst #kalim al-asim #twst kalim #i'm a busy uni student so don't expect the kalim essay to be finished anytime soon #i procrastinated way too much writing the jamil one #and i would not do the same for kalim ajdfjshsjhs #also i know people have said they'd like to see my take on other charas but please consider: #the only reason i have this deep an insight into jamil's character is bc i never think about the others #there's only jamil in my head #so i don't think i'm the best person to go to for interesting analysis about anyone else #but again who knows #tw: abuse

[youwerenevermeanttofeelalone]

Wasting Time | Diego Hargreeves

✦ pairing — Diego Hargreeves x Plus Size Reader

✦ word count — 4.1k

✦ summary— you’re an anti-love loner who somehow managed to get matched to someone by an enthusiastic and friendly pro-love super person.

✦ warnings — some angst, I think this has some comedy, probably language, Asha (OC) is a sweetheart and I would die for her, fluff.

✦ a/n — this is a repost due to tagging issues from a week-ish ago

❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎

Your mom left the restaurant in a hurry. She had a friend to meet up with, she reminded you a few times throughout the meal as she complained about your lack of romantic partner and friends.

Romance wasn’t for you. It didn’t even make sense. There wasn’t much to it, you had never seen it end well.

As for friendships, you had never been good at bonding with people. Back in college, you had hollow acquaintanceships at best, transactional relationships like most tended to be.

You were supposed to meet up with your mom to catch up after a couple of busy weeks, but you had sadly forgotten how intense she got with the topic of love.

She acted like you would never be happy on your own. Perhaps there was some truth in there, but if there was, she would have to take responsibility because she was complicit.

A random person tapped your shoulder. Craning your neck to the side to acknowledge them, you waited for them to say whatever it was they needed from you.

“Hi! I’m Asha!”

“I’m not interested,” you breathed out, looking past her to ask for the check.

Asha sat down in front of you. “I know you think love is a waste of time, you’re not the first and you won’t be the last, but all of you are wrong.”

You were sure Asha’s intentions were pure, but you didn’t need to hear fairytale-like arguments for love. And you definitely didn’t feel comfortable around eavesdroppers.

She followed you to the parking lot, spewing things about how beautiful romance was. Nothing you hadn’t heard before in songs and films. Which meant everything she was saying was bullshit.

Pulling the door of your car open, you snapped at her, “Could you please leave me alone?!”

You wished it had worked. She started following you throughout the day, smiling at you and asking you if you had changed your mind.

Surrounded by sweet smell and beautiful colors, you walked through the farmers market. You didn’t even understand how had she been able to follow you by foot when you were driving, but you wouldn’t let her ruin this.

“Strawberries are aphrodisiacs.”

“They taste good in smoothies,” you countered, paying for the berries and nodding as a thank you to the vendor.

Someone grabbed Asha by the arm. “What do you think you are doing?”

Asha gasped, smiling brightly. “Diego! This is perfect.”

A sharp sting went through your arm. You had always attracted mosquitoes, but their bites had never made you feel weird.

And boy, did you feel weird. The urge to hug the man in front of you overcame you, and as if he knew exactly what you were thinking, he opened his arms for you.

“He’s cuddly, right?” Asha’s sweet tone filled your ears.

Well, yes. His shirt was soft and he smelled good, extremely good — holy shit, why couldn’t other men smell like him?

“Your hair smells so good,” he blurted.

What a nice voice! His words and tone gave you goosebumps. Your stomach flipped as his arms tightened around your waist, prompting you to take a better whiff of his cologne.

You hoped he would never let go of you. It was hot outside yet you needed his warmth like you needed air.

Wait, what?

You pulled away from him, trying to find an excuse as to why you had hugged a stranger.

And why had you liked it?

Asha grabbed your hand and placed it on top of his. “This is Diego,” she introduced him to you, “he’s meant to be your romantic partner for life.”

Diego sighed, withdrawing his hand. “What have I told you about doing this?!”

“She wasn’t joking?” You asked, eyes going back and forth between the two.

He shook his head. “Have you heard of The Umbrella Academy?”

Oh, for fuck’s sake. “Yeah. All of you are superheroes.”

“Her powers are like Cupid’s.”

“Cupid’s behavior was childish at first,” Asha defended herself. “Mine isn’t.”

You waited for the punchline of the joke. It never came. He was 100% serious and you were bound to him now.

“I’ll leave you two lovebirds to get to know each other!”

Her words hit you instantly. “We don’t know each other,” you exclaimed, “I’m sure we won’t miss the other or anything...”

“We can just avoid each other!” Diego completed your thought, nodding along. “Perfect. I’m sorry for my sister.”

You swatted a hand. “No biggie.”

Oh, how wrong you had been. You spent your entire afternoon eating strawberries and watching tv, wondering what Diego was doing.

The subsequent days weren’t too different. Not from the strawberry part, you ran out of those too quickly.

You had many questions, less about the bond or whatever it was called and more about him. What he liked and disliked, why he did so...

It was stupid and pointless.

❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎

You stretched, whining. You couldn’t sleep, no matter which position you tried or what remedy from the Internet you put to the test.

A knock was bestowed upon the door. You whined again, throwing your sleep mask onto the bed and reaching for your pajama pants.

You turned the lights on as you crossed the apartment on your way towards the door. Noisily, you unlocked it.

Diego waved at you, trying to smile. He had a busted lip that was bleeding just like his eyebrow.

“What the hell are you doing in here?”

“I— I d—don’t...”

You frowned, grabbing him by the front of his vest to pull him into the apartment. Closing the door, you softly asked, “Do you need water?”

Diego shook his head, lifting his hands for you to give him a moment. You extended an arm, inviting him to take a seat in the living room.

Observing how swollen his face was, you walked toward the kitchen and looked for something to put on the area.

Fuck, you should’ve saved that ice just in case. Oh, well, a pack of frozen cauliflower and broccoli would do.

You pressed the cold bag on his cheek, waiting for him to hold it to let go of it. He grunted a thank you.

“Did your vigilante thing go wrong?”

Diego moved the bag for a moment to speak properly. “I felt like shit and needed to see you. I feel better now.”

“Yeah, that’s called codependency.”

“Well, what do you want me to do?”

You sighed, throwing your head back to rest it against the wall. “I am not blaming you.”

”You’re taking this too calmly. How?”

“I’m used to being by myself all the time, it looks like you are not.”

“You don’t feel like you can’t breathe without me?”

“No.” His disappointed look was the worst thing you had ever been forced to see in your life. The pang in your chest stopped when you told him, “I feel better when I see you, though. Less anxious.”

“Why do you think it is?”

You shrugged. “Maybe love doesn’t feel the same for everyone. Or whatever Asha did to us.”

His heart skipped a beat. “That sounds nice. Us.”

“Are you going soft on me?”

Diego pursed his lips together, glaring at you. He immediately hissed.

You took the bag off his hand and put it back into the freezer. Exchanging the pack for a ziplock bag with pineapple, you carefully rested it on his jaw, making sure it touched his lip too.

“Baby...”

“Don’t,” you warned him, ignoring the thrill down your spine upon hearing the pet name.

❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎

Every night you waited for him to knock upon your door, and although he didn’t do it every day of the week, you always opened.

He had hugged you once or twice in greeting. Much to your dismay, it had felt nice.

This specific time he hugged you tighter, holding you for as long as you allowed him to. It saddened you, knowing this was the highlight of his day. And yours.

Before meeting him, you went to bed early and woke up at dawn. Now you happily skipped sleep to hang out with him.

Diego was nice when he wasn’t being overbearing, funny even. But you would never tell him that.

“Can’t you make your sister undo it?” You asked, opening a bottle of beer for him. His favorite brand, which you had started buying after he brought a pack a few weeks ago.

He took a swig of beer. “It can’t be undone, that’s the point.”

“I won’t feel cheated on if you find someone else,” you assured him.

“But I want you!”

“Diego, I’m not made for this, okay? It doesn’t matter if I want it or not.”

“I have the worst fucking luck in the world,” he lamented, gulping down half of his beverage. “My girlfriends either die, try to kill me and my family, or hate me.”

“If it makes you feel any better, the only boyfriend I’ve had got married to the cousin I hate the most.”

“He’s a dick. I’m hotter than him.”

Well, you weren’t going to deny that. Pouring yourself some wine, you lifted the glass to clink it with his bottle of beer.

“Is he the reason why you hate love?”

Putting the glass down after taking a gulp, you shook your head. “Not really. He was more like... the confirmation? I always thought it was a waste of time, and too absurd, and corny — but everyone I knew had a partner and I didn’t want to be left out. When he dumped me for my cousin and married her, I was proven right.”

“Well, duh.” Diego rolled his eyes playfully. “You didn’t date someone you liked.”

“I’ve never liked someone.”

“I’m offended.”

“Willingly, smartass.”

He pointed with his bottle. “What about your mom?”

“I tolerate her.”

“Dad?”

“Would kill him if I could get away with it.”

“Siblings?”

“I hate my stepbrother.”

“Asha?” He teased.

You confessed. “Oh, well, she’s nice. She means well, at least.”

“What about me?” He insisted.

Shrugging, you refilled your glass. “You’re not bad when you’re talking casually.”

“Is this about my stutter?”

“Of course not, I’m not an asshole. I just hate it when you talk about me like you need me to survive when you clearly don’t.”

“I’ll take it as a compliment.”

“Closest thing you’ll get me to give you one.”

Giving you a cocky smile, he moved to sit down beside you on the floor. ”You didn’t deny it, you know?“

“Didn’t deny what?”

“That you’re my girlfriend.”

You shoved him playfully, shaking your head as you tried not to laugh. “Will you ever give up?”

“Realistically?”

Both of you chorused, “No.”

“Exactly.”

It was fabricated infatuation. He wanted an idealized version of you, like everyone did when they had crushes only to find out everything they like about their significant other or love interest is a lie made up by their own brains.

Leaving the glass to the side, you drank straight from the bottle. “Would you like me even if Asha hadn’t...”

“Yes.”

You chuckled incredulously, “Why?”

“You’re smart, responsible, really pretty — and believe or not, you’re nice.”

You cupped his cheek, blinking rapidly. His skin was soft to the touch, a little warm too. Diego leaned forward, holding your chin between his index and thumb. His lips were so close, you could practically feel his bottom lip on your upper lip.

Fully realizing what was going on as your eyes threatened to lie closed, you turned your head to the side. Your hand fell to his shoulder, middle finger grazing his neck.

“Stop leading me on!”

“I can’t help it!”

“Just give in,” he whispered on your cheek. “I won’t break your heart.”

“I will break yours.”

“I don’t believe it.”

“You just complained because I lead you on.”

“And you said it wasn’t on purpose. People make mistakes in stressful situations.”

You shook your head, completely moving away from his touch as you stood up. “Feel free to crash on the couch for the night.”

Diego didn’t say anything, but you heard him leave minutes later from your bedroom.

❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎

Asha had insisted on befriending you. She wasn’t bad company — although too bubbly and jumpy from what you were used to, she was willing to tone it down for you.

As bad as it sounded, she also served as a distraction. And who were you kidding? It was nice to have a friend.

You waited for her to finish her ice cream cone to speak, mostly because you were scared she would stamp it on your face.

“Would you find a way to undo it if I admit to having understood the importance of love?”

Asha smiled, playing with her hands on her lap, on top of the yellow skirt you had suggested would fit her perfectly. “Why would I undo it if you understand that now?”

Focusing your eyes on the dogs playing on the grass, you admitted, “I don’t like it, I feel weak. And having someone only care about me because of your influence doesn’t help.”

“I can’t match people who are incompatible.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? That Diego and I are meant to be together because of some sort of fate?”

She giggled. “No, you just fit well together. But maybe you want it to be different...”

“I just want to have control over this, Asha! I feel like I’m going crazy.”

“Why?” She tilted her head as she asked. It was like the idea was foreign to her.

“Because I miss him!” Your voice lowered then, “And I know he misses me too. He has to whether he likes it or not.”

“But you want him to do it on his own.”

You nodded, ashamed, as you felt her bright eyes on the side of your face.

“I don’t influence or manipulate what people think or feel, (Name),” she explained, resting a warm hand on your thigh in attempts to comfort you. “I only match people who will feel things similarly. That’s the gift I’ve given you and Diego, I’m sorry you haven’t been able to see it like that.”

That wasn’t comforting at all. Not now. If she had said it earlier... meh, it wouldn’t have worked. She knew you well, it seemed.

Turns out you weren’t as closed off as you liked to think.

Asha grabbed your hand, standing up as she looked at you with those big eyes of hers. They shone with determination, and for the first time since you befriended her, you felt a little scared of what she would do.

But you trusted her. Standing up, you made sure your cellphone was in your pocket and allowed her to drag you wherever she wanted to take you.

Asha made a few stops. You saw her use her powers on two gals who were clearly on a friend-date at a restaurant. According to Asha, they both were scared of telling the other how they felt. Childhood friends, she explained.

The other stop was at a coffee shop where she ordered one of those extremely sweet frappes. She made you taste it, and although you weren’t a fan and would never order something like that, you had to admit you were starting to see the appeal.

But the third stop... oh, boy, that one was unexpected. You stared up at the gymnasium’s sign, confused and a little bit offended.

“Are you implying I should start working out?”

Asha snickered. “I’m strongly suggesting you should talk to Diego.”

Right, he worked at a gym — how could you have forgotten? Scratch the unexpected part, this was the most Asha thing ever.

The place was busy with people from all genders, some of them were taking laps and others were training on the rings.

“Okay, (Name),” you whispered to yourself, “you can do this. How hard can it be?”

Too hard. The closer you got to where he was standing, the hardest you found it. Embarrassing yourself had never been something you had been through, ignoring people for decades had given you a lot of advantages and that had been your personal favorite.

You turned on your heels, determined to leave and never come back. This was such a bad idea! You were in his territory, vulnerable, and only accompanied by his sister who would probably be on his side.

“Can I help you?”

You jumped, immediately turning around. Fuck. Your throat locked up. Diego nodded upward, encouraging you to speak. He looked good, wearing a pair of sweatpants and a tank top — all black as he usually did.

You couldn’t look at him in the eyes as you examined the place, looking for Asha. It didn’t look like a place where she would enjoy herself, but no one ever knew with her; she was full of surprises.

“She left already,” Diego deadpanned.

Your mouth hung open. You weren’t really surprised, but words weren’t willing to come out. This was the first time you had tried to articulate a meaningful apology.

The fake ones were so easy! You were even able to get poetic with those, making promises you didn’t intend to keep to people you weren’t going to see ever again because there had never been a reason to stay.

“You didn’t go to the market yesterday.” He tried to say it casually.

“I went to visit my mom.”

“Oh, I see tolerance is going well.”

You huffed a laugh. “Something like that. Not much luck with my stepbrother yet, though.”

“At least you’re trying.”

“I should be more open, I suppose.”

“Yeah.”

You allowed silence to settle. You needed it to, it had been your best friend for so long that you didn’t know how to cope without its looming presence.

You were nervous, this was your only chance to apologize. What if he didn’t accept the apology?

“I’m sorry, Diego,” you mumbled, “I didn’t want things to go this way.”

“You didn’t want things to go at all.”

“Why would I?” You didn’t want to fight him, but you were desperate for him to see things from your perspective.

“There are a lot of reasons. I don’t think people can be happy completely alone.”

“Okay, you’re right, but you wanted me to jump into something more. Such a big leap when I’ve been living and doing most things on my own since I was 19 is scary.”

“Want,” he corrected you.

You both stood with your backs against the wall, watching the people training as they threw punches. He crossed his arms, focused on the youngest of the trainees.

You turned to look at him. “I know Asha can’t undo the bond, but you don’t need this type of connection to date someone.”

“Maybe that’s why it never worked.” Diego shrugged, sticking his bottom lip out. “I like how this feels. He added, “When you’re not turning me down.”

“So never?” you joked.

Diego chuckled, eyes still on the young trainee. He looked like a teen, no older than 15. “When we talk like this. Or when you empty your freezer to treat my swollen face...”

“Oh, so you only like me for my frozen veggies.”

“God, I wish.” Diego placed his hand on your shoulder, “Give me a moment. Don’t go!”

Nodding, you watched him approach the teen. They exchanged a few words — well, Diego seemed to be questioning the poor boy who only gave short verbal answers or moved his head to reply.

Diego threw his arm around the teen, pulling him close into a half-hug. Both got closer to you as Diego guided the teen towards the exit, still chatting.

“Thank you, Diego,” the teen said with a nod as Diego withdrew his arm from his shoulders. “Good night, Ms,” he acknowledged you.

“Good night,” you answered politely.

Diego smiled, huffing through his nose.

“Has he been training here for a while?” you asked once the young trainee had left.

Standing closer to you now, he told you more about the teen, “Brandon started last month. He’s a good kid. Stubborn, but his heart is in the right place.”

“Like you?”

Diego lifted his eyebrows, unable to hide his smile. “Did you just compliment me?”

“What would you do if I said yes?”

“You won’t like my answer.”

You bit your bottom lip. “Try me.”

He freed your lip from your teeth with his thumb, caressing it. “Don’t tempt me, baby.”

Your face heated up. God, the things Diego was doing to you...

Grinning, he bopped your nose. “You are adorable.”

“I am not trying to be adorable,” you said, scrunching your nose.

“That’s part of the charm.” He looked up, checking the time on the clock above you. “I’m technically free in less than an hour.”

“Don’t you have other things to do?”

Diego wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Rolling your eyes, you hit him on the shoulder with your fist. “The other things!”

“Oh, yeah.” He rubbed his shoulder even though you hadn’t hit him hard. “I can do them even later.”

“We can talk even later,” you tried to reason with him.

He tutted. “I know you, and you’ll find an excuse.”

You didn’t understand what Diego had done to you, or how Asha’s powers really worked, but you were willing to compromise, to show him you wanted to talk to him and fix things.

So accompanied by a sigh, you made a gesture with your hands, indicating that you would wait for him to be done.

You had never been so eager to spend time with someone, not even as a child when your neighbor would come over for a play date.

Diego casually offered his hand to you, patiently waiting for you to either take it or reject him.

Unsure, you inched your hand closer to his. He gazed down, taking the trajectory of your hand in. Sighing contently when your palm finally rested against his, he wiggled your fingers open.

His fingers fit between yours perfectly, his palm was warm and calloused, slightly scarred. Suddenly Asha’s judgment didn’t sound too bad.

Swinging your clasped hands, Diego asked more about what you had done the past week. You kept to yourself the part about missing him, but shared everything else — including that horrible fight with your dad, and the movie Asha made you see at a midnight screening.

He told you about his apartment-hunting journey and how tedious it was. You recalled his offhand comment about wanting to move out of the boiler room, so you kept to yourself the fact that he would need another job to be able to afford it.

Ruining the night was the last thing you wanted to do.

Dropping the keys onto the coffee table, you walked directly into the kitchen. He followed you, turning the lights on.

Diego opened your fridge to take a drink out and chuckled happily. “Aww, you bought my favorite beer even though we were mad at each other.”

You stood behind him, reaching for the jug of water as you corrected him, “I wasn’t mad.”

“Well, I was.”

“Not anymore?”

“Nope.”

You smiled to yourself, pouring water into a glass. He grabbed the jug from your grasp, storing it in the fridge for you.

Mirroring your smile —outshining it in your opinion— he said, “You’re so beautiful.”

“You’re flirty today.”

“I wasn’t flirting.” Diego feigned offense.

Frowning, you picked your glass and took a gulp of water. Asha tired you out earlier by dragging you all over town, but compared with how disappointing hearing him say that was, the tiredness was fine.

Placing the bottle on the counter, he clarified, “I meant that I was only stating the obvious.”

You put the glass down. “I am not used to this, sorry.”

He rested his hands on your arms. “It’s okay. I just want to know something...”

You hummed. “Anything.”

“What made you change your mind?”

You fiddled with the unbuttoned shirt he had thrown on top of his tank top. “I can’t sleep when you don’t visit.”

“That can’t be it.”

You conceded, “It’s not everything, but it sums it all up.”

“How slow do you want to go?”

You shrugged. “Do I look like I have a clue?”

“No,” he laughed. Diego inched a hand up to your neck, thumb rubbing your cheek. “Can I kiss you? I promise you can push me off you whenever you want, I won’t get mad.”

“Okay.”

Softly, he pressed his lips against yours. The slow kiss was a nice change from what you had experienced in the past, Diego wasn’t kissing you to get something more out of you or to forget about somebody else — Diego was kissing you because he wanted to do it, because he wanted you.

You pulled him closer, gripping the collar of his shirt. He smiled into the kiss, dropping his other hand to your waist.

Having Diego this close was everything but a waste of time, you decided, kissing him harder as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

#diego hargreeves x reader #diego hargreeves x plus size reader #diego hargreeves #the umbrella academy

[cali-holland]

Defying Gravity- Tom Holland One Shot

Pairing: Tom Holland X Reader

Requested by Anon: tom x reader where she's having her Broadway debut as Elphaba in Wicked? thank youuuuuu

Prompt: Your Broadway debut as Elphaba in Wicked makes you come to terms with your feelings for your best friend’s brother.

Word Count: 2400

Featured Songs: As Long As You’re Mine  ~  No Good Deed  ~  Defying Gravity

Warning: Swearing

A/N: musical people please don’t come @ me for this, i love the music for wicked but i’ve only seen it once on youtube

Masterlist   Tom Holland Masterlist

*Gif is not mine*

~~~

“Just for this moment, as long as you’re mine, come be how you want to, and see how bright we shine, borrow the moonlight until it is through,” You held out the long note as you continued to work around the kitchen, putting away the dishes.

“God, Harry, did you have to get such an annoying best friend?” Tom groaned, walking into the kitchen in search of some lunch.

“You’re just jealous you’re not on Broadway.” Harry laughed from his spot at the island, taking a bite of his sandwich. You flipped Tom off, continuing to sing your song loudly, just for him.

“And know I’ll be here, holding you as long as you’re mine,” You sang, finishing off the song. “Fuck off, Tom, I need to keep my vocal chords in good shape.”

“Yeah, yeah, vocal chords.” He rolled his eyes, getting himself a sandwich.

“Sorry, I just forget you don’t realize how tasking it is to be in a musical.”

“Excuse you, I was in-”

“I swear if you say-”

“Billy Elliott.” Tom said smugly.

“You seriously cannot compare your ballet musical at 14 to Wicked on Broadway.” You said, making him scoff. Harry just laughed to himself, enjoying his front row seat to yet another fight between you and Tom.

You had been friends with Harry for as long as you could remember, and, for as long as you could remember, you had hated Tom. Okay, maybe not hated, but you strongly disliked him. You two had always been extremely competitive with each other; whether it was a friendly football match that turned into you aiming the ball at his balls after he cheated or him kicking you while you played video games with him and Harry after you’d killed him off, everything was a competition. He seemed to do everything in his way to inconvenience you, and you did it right back to him- which included him crashing some of your dates and you ruining his flirting attempts with other girls. When he went off to become a famous actor, you managed to start landing a few roles at the West End, which then became playing Elphaba in Wicked on Broadway.

And the rivalry between the two continued into your careers. Mainly because he made musicals seem so trivial (“you’re just dancing around on stage” “that’s rich coming from Billy Elliot”), when you argued that they were much more difficult than films. In all reality though, Tom knew you were right because you had to memorize an entire script and stage setting without ruining the whole musical, and there were no reshoots in musicals.

Your apartment lease ended just as you got the Broadway role, so you needed a place to stay for a couple weeks before rehearsals began. Harry was more than welcome to let you stay at his place, which also meant living with Tom for the time being. Your best friend was the only thing that made it bearable.

“Okay, okay, stop. Tom did a musical, Y/N’s doing a musical now. Done.” Harry said, finishing his sandwich and standing up. “Y/N, when do rehearsals start?”

“Two weeks, but my flight’s next week.” 

“Thank God,” Tom mumbled, making you roll your eyes at him and you turned back to your friend with a smile.

“Will you be out for opening night?” You asked.

“Of course. I’m not missing your Broadway debut. Catch us in the front row.” Harry smiled proudly.

“Us?” His brother questioned.

“Yeah, mum got all of us tickets already.”

“Your mum’s the sweetest.” You replied, touched that she had gotten tickets for your big show already so far in advance.

“What if I don’t want to go and see you play dress up as the good witch?” Tom piped up. Harry sighed while you let out a groan.

“I’m Elphaba, you dipshit.” You said, but you could tell that meant nothing to Tom. “The Wicked Witch?”

“Oh, perfect for you.” He laughed.

“Whatever, I’m leaving.” You stepped out of the kitchen to go shower, leaving the two brothers there.

“Do you not realize how big of a deal this is?” Harry questioned his older brother, who simply just shrugged. “Not only is Y/N starring on Broadway, but she is playing one of the hardest roles in a musical. Think about how big of a deal it was that Far From Home passed a billion, that’s how big this is for Y/N. She was there for you at the London premiere, too, so the least you could is be there for her opening night. That or just get over your annoying crush on her.” Harry shook his head at his brother before exiting the kitchen.

Tom pouted and finished eating his lunch alone. Making his way upstairs to his room, he paused in his path when he heard you singing from the shower in the bathroom.

~~~

“One question haunts and hurts, too much, too much to mention. Was I really seeking good, or just seeking attention?,” You sang powerfully, stepping out of the shower and wrapping a towel around your body. Looking around the bathroom for your change of clothes, you continued, “Is that all good deeds are, when looked at with an ice-cold eye? If that's all good deeds are, maybe that's the reason why, no good deed goes unpunished,” You let out a small sigh, realizing you’d forgotten your clothes. You opened the door and jumped in surprise, seeing Tom on the other side of the door.

“What the fuck?” You exclaimed, pulling your towel tighter around you. Tom froze like a deer in headlights, his ears and cheeks turning pink as he realized you stood only in a towel.

“Were you singing in there?” He asked, shaking his head a little. “Is there a talk setting or do you just sing everything?”

“If I sang everything, that’d be an opera.” You deadpanned.

“What was that song you were singing?” He asked, making you raise your eyebrows at him in confusion. It wasn’t usual for him to make small talk with you, especially when you were all but naked.

“”No Good Deeds”.” You stated. “Why do you care?”

“Sounded depressing. Do you always sing sad shit in the shower?”

 “Were you listening to me sing in the shower?” You questioned, and he just scoffed, rolling his eyes, before walking away.

“Weird.” You muttered to yourself, even more confused by his behavior than you had been.

A couple days later, you were packing and getting ready for your move to New York. Most of your stuff had remained packed from when you moved into Harry’s house a couple weeks ago, but now you had to do the last few things before your big move across the Atlantic. With the Wicked soundtrack from Spotify playing in the background, you sang along to the music while kneeling and packing your clothes up.

“I really hope you get it, and you don’t live to regret it, I hope you’re happy in the end, I hope you’re happy my friend,” You paused your packing, holding out the long note, not noticing Tom, standing in the doorway.

“Damn.” He said quietly, making you jump and immediately pause your music.

“Do you need something?” You asked, slightly out of your breath from the intensity of the song.

“No, just- I’m impressed.” He replied, “I didn’t realize you could sing like that.”

“How the hell would I have gotten this role if I couldn’t sing?”

“Harry said it was a hard role. I didn’t actually think it was. I thought it was more of a little white lie to make it seem more impressive.” Tom explained.

“Why would Harry lie to you about the magnitude of this role?” You looked at him quizzically.

Tom came further into your room and casually sitting on your bed, “You gonna finish the song?”

“I’m sorry, you want me to keep singing?” Your jaw dropped from his words. Never had you witnessed him being so interested in you or musicals before.

“Well, yeah, gotta keep your vocal chords in good shape, right?” He replied with a shrug and a smile.

“Alright, it’s just the end, so it’s loud with a lot of high notes.”

“Go for it. If I’m going to be there front row on opening night, might as well get a sneak peek.” He laughed. You turned back to packing, still glancing at him suspiciously out of the corner of your eyes. You started your music again to continue, it picked up tempo for the big ending.

“So if you care to find me, look to the western sky! As someone told me lately, "Everyone deserves the chance to fly!" And if I'm flying solo, at least I'm flying free, to those who ground me, take a message back from me, tell them how I am defying gravity! I'm flying high, defying gravity! And soon, I'll match them in renown, and nobody in all of Oz, no wizard that there is or was, is ever gonna bring me down! Bring me down! Oh!” You finished the song and looked over to Tom.

“Shit, that’s a high note.”

“This is probably the most nerve-wracking song.” You admitted.

“You’ll be great. Don’t worry.” Tom smiled proudly at you from your bed, making a strange feeling of butterflies hit your stomach. Maybe you didn’t hate him after all.

After that, Tom didn’t talk to you much. There were no arguments between the two of you, which Harry was grateful for. It wasn’t until the night before you left that you really talked to him again- or well, the early morning before. With the alarm informing you it was already 3 AM, you groaned, knowing your nerves weren’t going to let you catch any sleep. You slid out of your bed and made your way into the kitchen. You stopped in the doorway, not expecting to see Tom rummaging through the pantry.

“Sorry, did I wake you?” He asked and you shook your head.

“Nerves are keeping me up.” You sighed.

“You’re going to do great on Broadway. You’ll be the next Idina Menzel.” Tom smiled at you reassuringly before grabbing out a box of cookies from the pantry and eating some.

“Oh, so you know who Idina Menzel is now?” You teased, taking a cookie for yourself.

“Well, I realized I was kind of being a dick about the whole thing so I looked it up, and,” He paused momentarily, letting out a shaky breath, “I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks. That means a lot.” You smiled, “And you were being a dick, but I wasn’t really helping either.”

“Is this our form of a truce?” He asked with a laugh.

“Guess so.” You nodded. You leaned up to give him a kiss on the cheek before leaving the room with a short, “Good night, Tom.” and leaving him to wonder what just happened. Going back to bed, you smiled, still not even really understanding your actions- you just really wanted to kiss him.

~~~

You didn’t see Tom again before leaving for New York, which just made you even more concerned about opening night. You’d already arranged with Harry to go out with him and his family immediately following the show for a celebratory dinner. Over the 8 week period of rehearsals, you’d come to terms with your feelings for Tom- you didn’t hate him, you were in love with him, and that scared you. You didn’t know how he felt about you at all, and you just hoped that the dinner would go smoothly.

While on stage, all the nervous thoughts of opening night and of Tom went away as you acted and sang your heart out; you really felt like you could defy gravity. After the show, you washed away all the electric green makeup and changed into regular clothes. You smiled, receiving a text from Harry ‘We’re at the side door’ complete with a smiley face. You rushed out of the theater and were immediately wrapped up in your best friend’s arms.

“You killed it! I’m so proud of you!” Harry gushed happily. 

“You were amazing!” Nikki smiled, hugging you next. Dom, Paddy, and Sam were next to congratulate you. You smiled, feeling bashful from all the kind words. Your breath caught in your throat when your eyes finally landed on Tom.

“You came.” You teased.

“It seemed like a dick move not to.” Tom joked as you hugged him. He whispered quietly in your ear, “Idina Menzel’s got nothing on you.”

“Not true, but thank you.” You laughed, turning back to Harry, “Where we going for dinner? I’m starving.”

Harry beamed, telling you about this great burger place he’d found on Yelp. As the seven of you sat down at the restaurant, Nikki spoke up to you about the musical.

“I have to admit, “Defying Gravity” nearly made me cry. You sounded so wonderful.” She enthused, making you blush.

“Yeah, that was definitely my favorite part.” Tom admitted with a small wink.

“You crushed it with “No Good Deeds”, just all of it. I’m so proud of my best friend, you’re gonna be a Broadway star.” Harry smiled, pulling you in for a side hug.

“Thank you. I got a whole year of doing this, so I’d hope tonight was great.” You joked. Once the celebration had ended, you hugged all of the Hollands goodbye on the curb of your apartment complex since they had to get back to their hotel.

“You go ahead, I’ll catch up.” Tom told his family, nervously shifting his weight on his feet. You curiously looked between him and Harry, and Tom raised his eyebrows at his brother, seemingly trying to get the younger one to encourage them to give you two some space.

“So,” You started, waiting for Tom to begin a conversation now that his family was a decent ways away.

“You really were incredible out there.” He stated and you nodded, beckoning him to continue. You leaned in a little, hopeful he’d get the hint and make the move. After a moment of him just smiling and staring at you, you rolled your eyes.

“Are you going to kiss me or not?” You asked. Tom’s hand came to your cheek, cupping it softly as he pulled your lips to his. He continued to kiss you passionately until you breathlessly pulled away with a small sigh.

“I should get back to the others.” He said, disappointment clear in his voice.

“Probably.” You laughed lightly. Tom kissed you one last time, before pulling away from you.

“Good night, Y/N.” He smiled, turning around to walk back towards his family, who were all conveniently waiting a couple blocks down.

“So you finally kiss her?” Harry asked his older brother teasingly once that reunited.

“Maybe.” Tom replied, but his slightly swollen lips and apparent blush on his cheeks gave it all away. He was definitely defying gravity.

#tom holland #tom holland fanfic #tom holland one shot #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #tom holland x y/n

[ladyhallen]

Holding Secrets Like a Crystal Chapter 3

Read on AO3|FFN

Monica never did get her answers.

Despite being the second to the Marshall of the Crownsguard and basically the one who ran the entire place when the Marshall wasn’t there, she still wasn’t the Marshall. There were some things that were confidential even to her.

And Cor’s mission that took a year…that was clearly beyond confidential.

She decided to keep the name, and Cor’s secret grief, close to her heart.

Occasionally, she would hear his musing on what Prompto was doing. Finally, years of waiting, and the image of a blonde baby held in Cor’s arms surfaced and Monica immediately broke into a coughing fit.

By Bahamut’s fucking shield, did Cor get a kid? And what happened to him? He was clearly alive. Perhaps he was adopted out.

No wonder Cor mourned. He had to give away his son.

Monica had a headache. That was what she got for being so curious.

.

.

“Dustin, I swear to Bahamut, don’t you dare – “ Monica started.

“I triple double dog dare you,” he said. “To a drinking contest, lieutenant.”

Oh Astrals, and he did it in front of witnesses too.

Monica sighed. “Fine. Fuck. Fine.”

.

Ten drinks later, and Monica stared at the bottom of her glass with a quiet expression of immense sadness.

“Cor’s just so nice,” she told Dustin earnestly. “He’s so nice. The best person ever. And not one of you fuckers are nice to him.”

Dustin blinked. “You’re related?” he asked because he was drunk too and selective hearing was a thing.

“By brain!” Monica announced. “We’re related by brain. The brain cell.”

It made immense sense to her. Must have made sense to Dustin too, because he nodded.

“Yes, the brain cell,” Dustin mused. “His sword is so cool.”

Cor arrived at one point, because Monica noticed the rhythm of his brain radio.

“Thank you,” Cor said dryly, making Dustin jump a foot in the air. “For appreciating my sword, Ackers.”

There were several wolf whistles at that, as Dustin blanched at the unintended double entendre.

“S-sir, I didn’t think,” Dustin stammered.

“No you did not,” Cor glowered. He ushered Monica up, who at that point was seeing double. She staggered and he supported her firmly.

“Come now, to bed with you, kid,” he murmured.

Monica blearily looked in his direction with a drunken smile. “Best human ever,” she muttered, before passing out.

.

.

Monica was used to intense headaches that caused her to vomit due to her telepathy. Hangovers were nothing.

The guard, who had expected her to take a leave of absence after the ten shots she did, looked awestruck as she worked like nothing had happened the night before.

“Don’t you get hangovers?” Dustin demanded.

His loud voice made her head throb, but Monica didn’t even show it. She was used to the pain.

“Of course,” she said. “But my pain tolerance is especially high for headaches.”

What the fuck, Monica. “Monica, you must have a head made of steel,” Dustin said.

Cor, who she hadn’t noticed lurking because of the distraction provided by her hangover, loomed. “Monica, why do you have a pain tolerance for headaches?” he demanded. What the hell, kid?

She sighed. “I am prone to debilitating headaches, ever since I was a child. No medicine has ever helped, so I’ve learned to work through it.”

A spike of pain made her brow wrinkle involuntarily before she smoothed it over again. It was too much to hope that Cor wouldn’t notice. Because he did.

“Monica, come with me to medical while we get you diagnosed with actual competent doctors,” Cor ordered.

Monica hated doctors. With a passion. After one doctor had recommended her to be exorcised, she wanted nothing to do with them.

“I’m fine,” she said. “But if you insist sir.”

“I insist.”

Astrals, he was so stubborn.

She radiated extreme dislike the entire time they were in medical. Even if the doctor diagnosed her with better, stronger medication, Monica stared at Cor.

Fuck, this kid is so stubborn. “Have a rest day, Monica,” he said. “If you continue working, I’ll extend it to five days.”

He was absolutely serious. Monica finally allowed a scowl to cross her face. “Sir,” she saluted with a frown.

Monica packed her things and passed by his highness with his retainer. Monica saluted him while stepping aside, and Noctis smiled and waved.

Despite being a very reserved boy, Noctis’s mind was loud. Louder than his father and certainly louder than Dustin.

Oh, it’s Monica! She’s so cool. Scary cool. “Hi lieutenant! You’re going home?” he asked, looking at the bag on her back.

Monica smiled at him, ridiculously fond of the boy. “Yes, your highness. I have a terrible headache and the Marshall has ordered me home.”

She says she has a headache but looks as unmoved as a cucumber. Wow that’s a crazy pain tolerance, Ignis Scientia thought.

“Oh, you’re sick!” Noctis exclaimed. “You better hurry home so you can rest and feel better.”

Monica saluted again. “Thank you, your highness.”

Man, the last time Prompto had a headache, he had to stay home for a week. Monica is really cool. Noctis said, turning away.

Monica’s feet only faltered for a second before she continued walking.

She was giddy with amusement and probably high from the pain and medicine. But still, she had finally found a lead to Prompto.

.

.

Prompto, it turned out, was a blonde teenager with a smile like sunshine and a very cheerful disposition.

Monica, looking at him, realized that Prompto’s everything must have come from the other parent. Because even if the Marshall was in a good mood, she had never seen him smile that much.

“Are we sure we’re authorized to do this?” Dustin asked as she commandeered several city cameras to stalk the boy on his way home.

“Nope,” Monica said blithely. “But if anyone asks, just blame me.”

Hot damn. “Alright boss, as you do. Why are we taking pictures of him though?”

Monica smiled. “It’s for an early birthday present. Also, get me a file of Prompto’s parents.”

Dustin did so with a frown the entire time. Well, maybe she hadn’t said anything when she made Cor sign the forms for Monica to do monitor duty but since Cor didn’t ask, she didn’t say anything. If Cor didn’t know, the King couldn’t scold him.

“Boss,” Dustin said, dread in his voice. “His parents…are the Argentums? But. They’re hardly in Insomnia. I checked their travel records and…”

Monica looked over Dustin’s monitor and frowned. “Check their bank accounts. Are they hiring anyone to take care of him the entire time? And when did this start? Prompto’s what, fourteen?”

Dustin searched and brought up their bank accounts, probably hacking into the Insomnia’s banking guild. But he didn’t say anything. Which was one of the reasons why she really liked Dustin. He didn’t ask unnecessary questions like Cor.

“They started leaving regularly when he was six, boss. No records of anyone hired to watch over him.”

Monica wanted to curse. She wanted this to be a nice surprise for Cor. A little bit of info on his kid. Maybe he signed stipulations that he couldn’t voluntarily seek out the child. So Monica did it for him. But if his kid was being neglected - !

“I’ll back check the camera records of the ones near his house. Is he – “ Monica brought up old files. It was a good thing that the Citadel recorded everything.

“That could take days!” Dustin complained even as he did as he was told.

“Luckily, I already signed our overtime forms,” Monica said.

Dustin sighed. This is revenge for the hangover.

Monica had to hold back giggles.

.

.

It took reviewing the tapes for three days with overtime, but they had everything.

It wasn’t pretty.

“This is a neglect case,” Dustin sighed. After the second day, he’d gotten pretty invested. “Monica, we can’t even report it because the evidence we gathered isn’t authorized by anyone!”

Monica waved that complaint away. “That’s fine. I can just get Cor to sign it and backdate it for me.”

Dustin stared, wide eyed, as Monica did just that.

She presented the files to Cor while Dustin watched from safe distance. Cor’s frown went from his normal frown to a glowering thundercloud that he usually wore blowing up bases in Niflheim.

“Monica,” Cor finally said, tone foreboding.

Monica crossed her arms. “Your kid, sir.”

Cor stood up and Dustin bit his fingers, very sure that Cor was going to - ! Hug her. Cor hugged her.

“Thank you,” Cor said, voice very soft and gentle. “Thank you. I’ll take care of this now.”

Monica nodded, her face flushed. “Yes sir. Don’t worry about the guard, I can take care of everything here.”

He smiled at her, and Dustin blinked. “Best human ever,” Cor said, patting her head.

Dustin and Monica stared blankly as Cor walked away with purpose.

As one, they looked at each other.

“Did he just – “ Monica asked.

“Yup.” And like that, Dustin started to laugh at the awestruck look on Monica’s face.

.

.

Monica still wasn’t sure if Cor knew she could read minds.

Cor didn’t ask, and Monica never said anything.

Still, it was reassuring that Cor never doubted her at all. If she said anything, Cor would believe it without hesitation. Dustin took this as Cor playing favorites.

“That just speaks of my track record,” Monica said. “How many arrests and cases have I solved while working for the guard?”

Dustin dully repeated, “More than any guard has ever done since Cor Leonis himself.” I should know, I checked the facts myself.

Monica nodded. “There. So you see, it is not favoritism.”

“You’re a brat, boss,” Dustin said, to everyone’s resounding “Oooohh’s!”

Monica held a shit eating grin in Dustin’s direction and said, “Still your boss, Dustin.”

.

.

Prompto moved in with Cor, and Monica knew this because the blonde baby that Cor usually imagined when he thought of Prompto, morphed into a blonde teenager with a wide smile.

Not that Cor said anything after he stalked off with the intent to skewer the Argentums with his sword.

“Just to you know,” Cor said. “Prompto will be staying with you when I have my solo missions from the king.”

Monica stared. “Am I equipped to babysit teenagers?” she asked.

“More than I am,” he said. “I didn’t even have a guest room when he moved in.”

The image of a sword storage rose in Cor’s mind and Monica had to hold back a gasp. Fucking Astrals, that was a lot of swords.

“Of course sir,” Monica said after a moment. “He seems to have settled in well despite the swords.”

Which. Uhm. Was a mistake. Because Monica just either a.) admitted to stalking them or b.) read Cor’s mind about it.

Cor stared at her for a long time. Eventually, he slowly said, “Yes. He did.”

Both of them stared at each other, before going back to their respective paperwork.

Honestly, this don’t ask don’t tell policy they had going on was sometimes very awkward, especially if Monica slipped and forgot to pretend to be normal.

Fuck I need a drink, Cor thought, which Monica echoed fervently. Damn, she needed new hobbies.

#fanfiction #ffxv #final fantasy xv #monica elshett #cor leonis #prompto argentum #telepathy au #monica is just like stalking is for your own good! #and cor is just if i don't know anything about it then regis can't give me shit for it later

[perseusjackson-jasongrace]

Kingdom Collisions II

I've just finished a book and it made me cry so happily I thought I'd post a fanfic to commemorate it. Also I'm probably going to start an AWAE/AoGG account soon because I cannot fathom living my life without a space dedicated to my darling loves. Anyway that isn't relevant to the post. This is just a fun little fic I've been writing on the side to try incorporate more descriptions into my writing (I'm a known dialogue whore). I see fit to write it whenever I feel like, so updates may be far and few between, however I do hope you enjoy whatever does come out. I adore this moody ansgty side to jercy. It's been fun to explore.

Masterlist, cat-eye aquamarine

Leave me alone.

[we have known loneliness forever]

Why did I ever agree to this?

[so we do not quite know what it is like]

I never asked you to say yes!

[to want]

Fuck you.

[one another]

-lonliness is a two-sided conversation//badpoetry

Percy doesn't even look at his husband. Doesn't acknowledge his perfect hair, or blazing eyes, or how close they're sitting. He just stares directly out the car window, arms folded across his chest. The rolling hills and wild lavender dance past his vision as the car bounces along the gravel road. They are almost to their destination, to solid ground and quiet, peace. Despite the circumstances he is excited to be back at the cabin his family has owned for so many years. He relishes in the fact that he can escape somewhere that is untainted by the rest of his life. Throngs of people, and public demand, and never ending scrutiny. 

He is nothing short of pissed that he has to share his safe place with someone he despises so sweetly it is honey on his tongue to talk to them. But his mother had insisted if they were to act like a married couple they would have to go on a honeymoon and he had only agreed if he could choose the place. She wanted to send them to some private beach in Spain where they could pretend to be alone, oblivious to the paparazzi that were sure to follow, and the people who wanted to meet not one but two crown princes. It was his final stance that if he were being forced to spend time with his husband, it would at least be where he could enjoy it.

"Prince," A crackling voice says through the speakers.

Percy clicks a button on the arm rest, "Yes Mr James?"

"The security team has secured the area, would you like us to drop the bags off before you head inside or after?"

"Whenever suits you Mr James, I'm going for a walk."

Jason who had since then, fallen asleep, jolts awake as they go over a particularly bumpy area.

"And your husband Prince?"

"Ask him yourself, I'm sure he has much to say on the matter." Percy huffs, turning away.

"Prince Grace,"

Jason glares at Percy unimpressed with his dismissal and his rudeness towards the driver.

"Yes James sir?"

"Would you like your bags dropped off before or after you enter the area?"

"Before please, I feel it will help me settle in much easier if everything is already there."

Percy wants to scoff, who talks like that? This pretentious, stuck-up, goodie two-shoes is who. He wants to stick his tongue out, settle their rivalry like five year olds battling to see who can scowl for longer. Mostly, desperately he just wants to get out of this damn car. His leg bounces in time with the bumps, and his hands fidget in his lap. For all his princely training nobody ever managed to get him to sit perfectly still. His mother had finally given up and started carrying drawing pads and pencils wherever she went.

"Can you stop moving!" Jason growls.

"If it bothers you so much get out and walk." He spits back.

An eye roll is the reply but by then the car finally rumbles to a stop and a security detail is opening their doors.

"Princes,"

"Thank you Madison, Arlo." He manages to grit before he stomps off down the path and disappears into the woods.

"Where are you going?" He hears his husband yell. He doesn't bother to reply, someone will tell the Prince.

He kicks at the dark soil and pulls breath after breath into his lungs. He needs to calm down. Just then his ears catch the soft bubbling of a stream and he heads in the direction of the noise. The woods are quiet and cool. A soft breeze flutters between velvety leaves and needled pines, stirring the undergrowth. He wants to become one with the trees, become a branch that sways in greeting and grows friends, and feels the wind wrapping around it every evening. He just wants to stop being human for a little while. 

And then the stream is underneath him, soaking his fancy shoes and fine thread socks. He laughs, tugs them off and sits down in the middle of the cold, flowing water. He can feel it run into him like ice in his veins. He dips a finger in, then another, his whole hand and shudders at the smooth caress. It has been so long since he just got to be. Here in this little stream, pants soaking, hands turning blue he has never felt so faraway, out of his body. The world narrows to his fingertips, to the bead of water running down his ankle and joining its family once more. His brain is far and long forgotten, simply taking up space in his skull. He decides right then and there that if he ever comes back to this world he'll come back as a rock in the stream. To live in this beautiful, ever-moving world, where the cold is a kiss and you can never meet the same drop of water twice seems a good life indeed.

Just then he hears a rustle behind him. In an instant he’s on his feet, pulling a dagger from his suit jacket, a white-knuckled grip on the hilt.

"Whoever you are come out right now. I am not in the mood."

"Relax," A deep smooth voice says, "It's just me."

"Oh," He pulls his lips up in half disappointment, half relief it wasn't danger. "What do you want?"

"Mr James wants to know if you want five or ten of the guards here for the remainder of the time here."

"I want zero." He frowned, "I just want to be left in peace for the next few days."

"Well it's not an option so choose." Practical, always so practical.

"Leave five here, there's three other cabins about half a mile out on either side of ours that should be enough space. Everyone else can go home."

"Of course, I'll leave you to it then." Jason nods, stands there awkwardly for a moment longer and then disappears into the greenery once more.

Percy doesn't know what to do, doesn't know whether he should scream or cry or laugh.

He hadn't let himself think too hard about the events of the last few weeks. He had shoved every feeling but contempt and general dislike deep deep down into his cage and threw the key into the deepest parts of his ocean of thoughts. He wasn't sure he had the strength to unpack everything that had happened. When his mother had came to him all those weeks ago a heartbroken look in her eyes he knew whatever had happened would be nothing short of a disaster. Within the week he was promised to Crown Prince Jason Grace of Caelum and had been shoved into endless, meetings in which wedding arrangements and economic agreements had to be made.

He didn't even meet the Prince till the night before they were to be wed but by then Percy had despised the whole ordeal so intensely he hadn't any happiness or hope left in him to be kind to the Prince. And even if he did gave some it would have vanished completely upon their introduction. Jason looked at him with such calculating authority he had reminded Percy of an old tutor who thought children should be seen and not heard, and learn whatever was given to them without question. Jason had been stiff, and unyielding, and looked just as unhappy or even unhappier to be meeting him. At dinner Jason only spoke when spoken too, he didn't fidget even once, and worst of all he somehow still managed to charm his mother in about five seconds. One dimpled smile, and a cute story about his first time riding a horse and Queen Sally Jackson had accepted him as one of their own. Percy on the other hand was ignored the entire dinner, and on the walk in the gardens, at the insistence of his advisor, they hardly said two words to each other. Whether it was because Jason was lost in his own world or letting his displeasure for the whole ordeal simmer and burn into their company as Percy was he would never know. Either way the walk ended with a gruff, formal goodbye before they headed to their rooms.

Percy shuts out the politics of the arrangement and how his life has turned into this unrecognizable hurricane of chaos. He cups some of water in his hands and drops it over his curls. Letting it drip down his temples and catch on his collarbones. The coolness soothes him, as water has always done. Finally when his blood is no longer boiling with hidden anger he steps out of the stream, picking up his discarded shoes and socks and sinks into the earth with each step.

The cabin has a soft orange glow in the windows, and the many cars that escorted them have disappeared. He throws his belongings by the door, shucks his pants off and steps inside. The interior is just as he remembers it. Where the castle was dripping with opulence and royalty, the cabin was simple and stripped to the bare essentials. He had always loved the place. Even when he was little and his mom would whisk him away for a secret weekend. She would pack hoards of cookies and ice-cream and light the fire immediately. They would sit on the soft, fleece rug, her with a book and him with his sketchpad, sipping cocoa and spooning ice cream straight from the tub. Then he didn't have to be the prince one day inheriting the crown and she didn't have to be the Queen dealing with every problem under the sun. They hadn't been back in a good few years and he misses everything about the space. He is silently grateful that Jason has lit the fire. Something familiar to hold onto.

"You're back." The Golden Prince says.

"Astute observation." He rolls his eyes but the blonde doesn't look up from whatever he's doing.

Percy walks into the space, shrugging his suit jacket off and unbuttoning his wrinkled white shirt. He hears a sharp inhale and glances up to see a red cheeked Jason staring at him.

"Why aren't you wearing any pants?"

"Oh," He laughs softly, "Yea they were wet so I took them off before I came in."

He sputters and blushes, glancing down and then peaking back up again.

"You alright there Prince?"

Jason clears his throat, and Percy watches that golden Adam's apple bob. His skin prickles with heat and he knows its time to go.

"I'm going to shower. I'll give you a tour afterwards if you want."

"That would be great."

With a nod in which they both avoid eye contact and general pleasantry he disappears into one of the three rooms of the cabin.

His shower is scorching, water pummeling against tired muscles. His mother always says a good shower and steaming cup of tea can fix more problems than a board of professionals. So far she hasn't been wrong.

"Hey," He walks back into the lounge sometime later, looking down as he ties the string on his pants, "You ready?"

The house is dead quiet, save for the crackle of the fire and the soft wind that whispers in the grooves of the floor.

"Jason?" He frowns, moving to stand in front of him.

The Prince is fast asleep, head lolling forward, book still clasped in his hands. Percy takes in his husband for the first time. Unobstructed by either of their waking emotions, or the general hustling that had shrouded their lives. Jason, he grudgingly admits, is beautiful. His hair looks soft and golden, and when it catches the light of the fire he's sure it's made from sunshine itself. And his skin is such a startling contrast to Percy's rich brown colour. The Prince's body, now folded into an awkward bent angle as he lay across the velvet-cushioned chair, is lithe and graceful. Corded with muscle but somehow still smooth in a way only an uptight Prince with a personal trainer may ever achieve. At least, he thinks sordidly, if I'm forced to marry someone he is as darling as Jason.

The blonde stirs softly, hand twitching, before he settles back into his position. As awkward and unhappy the two are with each other Percy can't leave him here. He's sure the Prince will bend into a chair himself if he slept like that all night long. So he gently taps his husband's shoulder, waking him almost immediately. Jason has never been a particularly heavy sleeper, and it is worse when he finds himself in a place he doesn't know. He blinks up at the world, blue eyes bright. They reminds Percy of the cat-eye aquamarine, the gemstone sat at the base of every crown ever made for his kingdom. He wonders what it says that the colour of his husband's eyes are also the colour he most associates with home. Just as quickly he expels those thoughts, content to bask in his clear dispassion and irritation for as long as this should last.

Jason scrubs a hand over his face, "Sorry you wanted to take me on a tour?"

"No, no there's time for that tomorrow. Why don't you head up to bed."

"Oh, okay. Goodnight then,"

"Goodnight Prince," He says stiffly.

"Sleep easy."

A nod in return and they both retire to their rooms, content to put the last week far behind them. Bury it under dreams, and hopes, and the promise of a tomorrow where nothing has tarnished it yet.

Percy left his window open, watched the tree outside it sway gently. Maybe tomorrow he would climb it and become acquainted with the birds in the nest.

He falls asleep, finally, to the chirp of crickets and the soft rustle of whispering leaves.

#Jercy fic #Jercy #Kingdom Collisions #Part 2 #Jason grace #Percy Jackson #Jercy royalty AU #Jercy royalty #Royalty AU #Jason #Grace #Percy #Jackson #PJSSG fanfic #PJSSG series #PJSSG drabble #PJSSG one shots #Apologies for the scrolling I'm on mobile #So I can't add the read more function #Yea wtf Tumblr??? #Not edited

[ramblings-of-a-mad-cat]

thank you for coming up with that ship name, it's so pretty <3 Anyway have a Faywood HC: Penny crushes on Aurelie in the early years before slowly realizing that Aurelie doesn't appreciate her (I agree with you she was so shallow) and realizing Luca lied about the trinket when Aurelie has no memory of giving it to her. But she's not mad ofc, she's touched <333

...I don’t know what inspired me to write this. I don’t even particularly ship Luca with Penny in general, but I guess you caught me in the right mood, and I’ve enjoyed our back n forth, and somehow this just came spilling out of my fingertips. I hope you enjoy - 

Dear Jacob,

I’ve told you this before, no doubt, but I really dislike lying. Especially to friends. A first year could tell you as much, that it’s wrong to deceive the people you care about...and yet I’ve done it, time and again. I kept my misgivings about Rowan a secret and that led to us falling out for months. I had my reasons, and Rowan themself has even said they were understandable, but that fight was still my fault. But there have been other times as well. I lie to cover for Talbott and Chiara virtually any time I talk about them. And in those cases, I genuinely think I’m doing the right thing. That’s the trouble, lying sometimes feels like it would be the right thing to do, for the best outcome all around, so that's what I wind up doing. 

It’s what I did to Penny, when her pen-friend visited from France. I lied, more than once, to protect her feelings. First by keeping my suspicions quiet, and second by giving her that ornament “from Aurelie” when it was not, in fact, from Aurelie at all. Well, it was from her...to me. But it should have gone to Penny if you ask me, so it did go to her...from “Aurelie.” and by that I mean me. 

Of course, I was only a second year at the time and I didn’t really think it through. Didn’t have a contingency plan for getting caught in the lie, and I probably should have thought of that. For all I knew, Penny could have immediately written to her pen-friend to thank her. But it never came back to haunt me like lying to Rowan did, so with time, I mostly forgot about it. Until tonight.

I’m pacing around the Hufflepuff Basement, looking for a certain Mitten who is not yet awake for her breakfast. With term having ended and the winter holiday begun, most of our friends have left school. Most of us. Rowan’s sticking around and we’re making up for lost time, (not like Mum wants to see me anyway, apparently…) and Penny’s parents would have to drag her home in chains - she’s not about to leave Beatrice stranded for Christmas. So there aren’t too many people to ask about my cat’s whereabouts. 

Just as I’m thinking about leaving to search for her by the dungeons, in case she’s seeing Bitten, I hear a familiar “Mrooow…” from within the girl’s dormitory. Door isn’t shut, so I peer inside to see Mitten on the floor, rolling around with whatever stray object she has claimed ownership of this time. It’s blue and looks far too fragile for her to be batting it around, but that’s Mitten. In another moment, I blink and recognize it - Penny’s ornament. 

I’m about to step inside and extract the makeshift “toy” from Mitten’s hold, when I see that Penny is already there, sitting on her bed and watching the show. Okay, well, that’s good - at least playtime has permission this time. I still owe Diego a new Ballycastle Bats poster...and to this day, I have no idea how Mitten knocked it down from the wall to convert into a scratching post.

“Hope you’ve worked up an appetite.” I call out to Mitten gently, holding up her breakfast bowl and waving it slowly. Mitten looks up, and I swear her eyes dilate before she dashes over to circle me, mrowing up a storm. “Okay, okay, right here…” I lead her away from the ornament, setting the bowl down and rewarding her with head rubs as she chows down, before glancing back up at Penny. “Thanks for that.” I really owe her one for her patience. 

Penny stares back at me with an odd, misty look in her eyes. She doesn’t say anything at first, and I don’t press her too. These haven’t exactly been easy times for her, Jacob. For the past two weeks, someone - usually me or Tonks - has to gently tug her away from Bea’s portrait so that she doesn’t sleep there. It’s no exaggeration to say that she’s a wreck. Still, she’s been brewing a calming draught to help quell her nerves, and when she takes it, that does seem to help. I can’t tell if she took some last night or not (I camped with Rowan) so I slowly approach, keeping an eye on her. “Did you sleep okay?” 

Penny doesn’t answer, and I feel fear rising in my heart that she may have had another nightmare. Like most things, they aren’t as bad when she takes the calming potion, but they still happen from time to time. Yet when I study Penny’s face, she doesn’t look upset. Emotional, maybe, but...not upset. Sitting down next to her I notice she’s holding something in her hands - a letter, by the looks of it. With very fancy handwriting. Penny has lovely handwriting, nothing like your wild chicken scratch, but she didn’t write this. She must have received it. Trying not to pry, I keep my face level with hers, before she folds up the letter and sets it aside. 

“You know, three years ago.” She speaks softly, and turns to look at me. “You told me that the blue ornament was a gift from Aurelie.” I feel my heart skip a beat. An old lie resurfacing, one I haven’t thought about in ages, and now I’m caught with no excuses. Yet Penny, predictably, doesn’t appear to be angry with me. She doesn’t have a mean bone in her body. “But we’ve been trading letters, and she asked about you. Asked if you ever wear the robes she got you, or if you kept the trinket she gave you.” I...have never worn those robes in  my life, I’ve only just realized. Not even sure where they are. But never mind that, Penny’s frown is a gentle one. “Why did you tell me it was for me?” 

I bite my lip, feeling the back of my neck heat up and I’m not sure why. But no, it’s time to come clean. “Because...because it should have been.” Maybe I’ve matured, maybe things are just coming together, but my fifth year has really led to a lot of conversations that should have happened ages ago. Making up with Rowan, making up with Jae...Tulip and Merula finally made up this year, in a sense...and now there’s this. “I’m sorry Penny, I guess I just didn’t want to spoil anything for you. But I…” Slowly rubbing the back of my neck, why is my skin prickling so much? “I feel like Aurelie should have gotten something for you, not me. You’re the one she’s closer to, and you were the one she lied to, back then…” I hesitate from going any further. Whatever my feelings, I’m not going to bash someone she cares about. 

Penny is looking down, her hair falling in her face. Jacob, have I ever mentioned that she has the most intense case of bedhead that any human being has ever had before? We both agree Tonks’ would be worse if her hair was actually long, but it’s not, and Penny’s practically hidden by a straw nest by now. Which is why...damn, I’m not sure what makes me do it, but it’s not like we’ve never been affectionate before. Still, I don’t know why I decide to start pushing her hair out of her face, but that’s what I do. 

Looking at me, she shakes her head, taking my hands. “No no, I’m not upset with you Luca. I just didn’t understand.” For the first time, she laughs a little. That is a good sign - she’s definitely still medicating with the calming draught. “Thought I may have just badly needed some morning tea. No, I...appreciate it. A lot, actually.” Her eyes meet mine, and I don’t let go of her hands. “Aurelie and I haven’t been writing to each other as often these days, though that’s at least partially my fault. I haven’t had the energy to write to anyone these days.” 

“That isn’t your fault. None of this is your fault.” I try to comfort her, but it’s never easy. There’s nothing that can be said to fix her situation, no spell to be cast. We simply have to break the curse - but we’ve done it before, and we’ll do it again. “You’re doing your best, and whatever that is right now, it’s enough.” I promise her. The room falls silent, except for the soft sounds of Mitten munching on her breakfast nearby. 

Penny shuts her eyes for a second and takes a deep breath. “I hope that’s true. It’s taken me awhile to realize it but, even when I give everything I have, people don’t always give the same amount back.” My stomach twists slightly. If she’s talking about Aurelie, I’m hesitant to agree even now, though of course I do...maybe I just need to listen and let her get this off her chest. I’m not sure. “I know that no one is required to give any amount of effort, but sometimes you-you’re led to believe they will, or that they want to, and...oh, I don’t know. Maybe she and I are simply growing apart. Maybe we’ve grown into different people. I’m certainly not the same.” 

“No, you’re wiser than you used to be,” I respond softly, squeezing her hands. “You’ve seen more of the world and not all of it is nice, but you still see the nice things. You ARE one of the nice things. Now, I haven’t talked to Aurelie in years, so, it’s probably not fair for me to make judgements, but...if she’s taking you for granted, she definitely hasn’t grown any wiser.” I had to hold myself back from saying that she was “still” taking Penny for granted, but it’s true. 

Penny sniffs. I don’t think she’s going to cry, but she’s usually closer to breakdowns than even I am these days. Bowing her head, she lets our foreheads nudge together and with no real rhyme or reason, we just stay like that for a while, still with our hands clasped. “Thanks Luca…” She finally whispers, sniffling again before sitting up more. Lifting her arms, I feel her cup my face, feel lips brush my forehead. After another moment’s pause, she sighs. “I need to start getting ready for my day, or I’ll lose my mind...am I keeping you from anything, or can you stay…?” 

I nod, knowing full well that Penny’s morning schedule lasts an hour at least. “I’ll be here.” 

Love, Luca

#Luca Fawley #Penny Haywood #Faywood #HPHM Fanfiction #HPHM Fanfic #Penny Haywood x Jacob's Sibling #Penny Haywood x Luca Fawley

[nymphigeon]

From me, to you || 03

♤ Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

♤ Genre: fluff, angst, romance, hybrid au, hybrid!Taehyung, detective!reader

♤ Words: 2.7k

♤ Rating: PG-13

♤ Warnings (for this chapter): swearing, crime, blood, mentions of hybrid abuse.

Synopsis: A story in which he has never known love, so you’ll give it to him.

Series masterlist

02 03 04

The parking lot of the hospital is awfully empty. Well, I guess that’s a good thing actually. Taehyung, who has been munching on random snacks I discovered I had in my car, waits for me to step out of the car before he does the same. “This is a hospital?” His mouth falls open at the sight of the huge white building. He kind of looks like a kid at an amusement park for the first time, apart from the fact that this is no amusement park and he is nowhere near excited. Okay, maybe he looks more like a kid who has just seen the biggest needle ever. That sounds more accurate.

“You’ve never been to one?” I take the lead by walking in the direction of the entrance, Taehyung follows. “No, at least not that I can remember.” That can both be a good sign and a bad sign. Looking at his face reminds me that it’s most likely a bad sign. Hybrids usually get a check-up once a year just to make sure they’re doing alright. Not going at all is either a sign of good health or negligence by the owner. The answer is pretty obvious in this case.

Taehyung has warmed up to me more during the car ride it seems. He answers with longer sentences and doesn’t cower away at every little move I make. He has however not warmed up to people in general. Right as we enter the hospital, Taehyung grabs the back of my jacket, looking around frantically. Patients, nurses, doctors, all kinds of people pass us. Noticing his distress, I do my best to reassure him. “It’s okay, these people won’t hurt you.” I raise my pinkie again to remind him of my promise to him. Looking between the people around and my pinkie, he eventually lets go of me. “Yeah..” He says softly.

During our exchange one of the nurses has noticed the incredibly poor look Taehyung is wearing right now. She drops whatever she was going to do and hurriedly steps in our direction. Scared that Taehyung will be startled, I protectively step in front of him. I may be quite a bit shorter than him, but he certainly appreciates the gesture, making himself small and hiding behind me.

The nurse stops in her tracks, blinking a few times trying to process the sight. She must be new here. A wild predator hybrid covered in an unknown liquid, shivering behind a pair of legs. If anything it’s more common for predators to growl and attack if they really feel threatened.

She shakes her head, gaining her composure back. Unlike the first time, she now approaches us in a calmer manner. “Nice to meet you, I’m nurse Olivia May, you may call me Olivia.” She smiles at her own word play, turning her body away a little. “I’ll alert the appropriate doctor for you, if you could follow me please.” Before she can walk away I need to clear the misunderstanding. “Ah he’s not bleeding, at least I don’t think so.” I think back to what Taehyung said back at the playground.

“I’ll explain more as we go. I’d just like to get him a health check-up for now.” Olivia sighs in relief and nods. “Of course.” I bend down to Taehyung’s level who has since noticed that he’s okay, but stayed down. Big innocent eyes meet my soft orbs. I put my hand forward for him to take. “Let’s go.” His hand meets mine and raises in level when I carefully pull him up to stand up. Maybe if I didn’t immediately turn around, I would’ve seen the way he reached out for me, not wanting to let go.

I explain the situation to Olivia while she brings us to an examination room. She excuses herself and leaves to find this ‘appropriate doctor’ she spoke about earlier. Taehyung’s tail nervously swishes behind him. He knows he’s safe, but the nagging feeling in his gut won’t disappear.

His ears continuously switch position in search for any sound that might indicate danger. He won’t find much, seeing as the walls were made soundproof. It’s well known that hybrid ears are much more sensitive than the ears of the average human. Stressed out individuals would be jumping all over the room were the walls not made to block sound. Like Taehyung is about to now at any moment.

The room doesn’t contain anything special. Besides a desk, a few chairs and an examination bed, it’s mostly empty. Four white walls (might as well say there are six, seeing as the ceiling and floor are also white), an equally white door and a set of windows complete the room. If it wasn’t for the few furniture pieces, I would’ve probably thought I’m in the nowhere dimension*.

It doesn’t take long for the doctor to arrive. He introduces himself and mentions that Olivia has already explained what I told her. After that I get told to please exit the room for privacy reasons. “No!” Taehyung shoots up and clings to my arm. He’s having none of this ‘the only person I feel kind of comfortable around now is going to leave me in the same room as this scary looking douchebag’ shit. “S-she stays..” He mumbles as he looks down. The intense gaze of the doctor is getting too much for him.

“I’m sorry, protocol tells me I can’t let others in during examination without permission of the owner.” I stand up, both my hands slam on the table to object. “His owner is a criminal!” Taehyung flinches when I raise my voice. His hold on me loosens, until eventually his arms slip back to his sides. “As long as the hybrid isn’t removed from under his name, I can’t do anything for you.” The doctor looks at me sadly.

“You don’t even know who his owner is.” I try again. Knowing how he has been treated for who knows how long, I get protective over him. Someone needs to stand up for him. “I do know there are no hybrid under your name Miss. I’m sorry.” I give up, he is just doing his job. I don’t want to be the one who gets him in trouble.

With that I turn to Taehyung. His head hangs low, he’s definitely upset. “I’ll be back before you know it okay?” Taehyung looks up to face me. His eyes are watery, holding unreleased tears. “You’ll wait?” He sound hopeful, knowing he won’t be left alone again. “Be good okay? I’ll be right outside in the waiting room.”

I send him a reassuring smile. It’s not that I don’t trust the doctor, he’s been trained for this, it’s just that I’m scared Taehyung doesn’t trust him. When Taehyung has calmed down the doctor escorts me out of the room. He offers to get me some tea or coffee for during the wait, but I kindly refuse. I’m not thirsty anyway.

I’m getting antsy. My leg is bouncing up and down in frustration. It’s been half an hour and I’ve yet to hear anything other than my phone blowing up with calls from my colleagues. 3 calls later I put my phone on silent and stopped picking up. I had already used my time waiting to send an email about the situation to my supervisor, if they want to know anything they can go bother her.

I wonder how Taehyung is doing. If he’s hurt I wouldn’t even know, since I can’t hear what’s going on inside. I’ve debated just going to the room and putting my ear up to the door. The waiting room isn’t far from the examination room, I could just quickly walk back if needed. Or I could just stomp down the door. Who does that man think he is? He can’t just shut me out like that! I go through all the legal options that I have right now, which are basically none except for just waiting here.

Just as I consider perhaps knocking on the door to ask how much more time he needs, a nurse walks in and calls out my name. I stand up like a firework being shot off. Instead of leading me to the examination room I came from earlier, we walk into the complete opposite direction.

The young women I’m following explains that they moved him to a different room after it became clear that Taehyung is in a pretty bad state. Entering the closed off hybrid hospital wing, almost everyone here seems to be a hybrid. Hybrid workers and hybrid patients are roaming about the hallways. Here and there couples enter a room to visit their sick hybrid.

Nobody takes notice of us walking here, even though I have my uniform on. We eventually stop in front of a door in the middle of a hallway. The nurse knocks a couple of times in advance to entering. Taehyung is sitting straight up in a white hospital bed, several questionable tubes are attached to him. A tray filled with food is placed in front of him. He doesn’t eat, only stares. The door opening catches his attention.

He spots me entering, his face lighting up. “Miss Y/L/N..” I almost want to correct him, until I remember telling him to call me whatever is comfortable for him. I mentally face palm myself, I shouldn’t have said that.

A voice opposite of the bed speaks up. I recognize it as the voice of the doctor I’ve learned to dislike by making up worst case scenarios. I’m still going to treat him with respect of course, it’s my own fault for letting my thoughts run wild.

“We’ve checked him top to bottom and he is in a pretty bad shape. Malnourished and bruised. We’ll send of the blood samples we took to the lab for analysis just to see if there is anything else we should be worried about. It should take about a week to get the results.”

As he talks he writes down some things on a clipboard and flips some pages. “Ah, he also does not have a microchip. We have no idea what his serial number is so we weren’t able to find his owner.” The doctor looks up from the clipboard having said everything that’s relevant to me.

Not one for small talk apparently, he immediately walk over to the door. Well he has a job to do after all. Just before he walks out the door he remembers something and turns back. “We’d like to keep an eye on him here for the meantime. If the hybrid is taken off the owners name you can send him to a hybrid shelter.” The nurse who is still present in the room quickly bows following the doctor.

Hybrids that are owned by someone can’t be adopted by anyone else unless clear proof is given that said owner can’t take care of the hybrid anymore for whatever reason. Usually those conditions revolve around death of the owner, the owner abusing the hybrid or the owner ending up in jail.

Since we have no concrete evidence that Taehyung was abused by his owner (despite the fact that he clearly was), and he also isn’t in jail yet, we can’t do anything. There are institutions that keep, for example, lost hybrids until they’re reunited with their owner, but those institutions are known to be quite sketchy. Multiple times they’ve just ‘lost’ a hybrid they were supposed to be caring for. Where they went? Nobody knows.

I stare at the door, processing everything he said. “Miss?” A timid voice brings me back to here and now. “You can call me by my first name.” Taking a chair from the small table in the corner of the room I sit next to the bed. “I can?” Taehyung looks surprised, having never used informal speech to others.

“Of course, try it.” I want to encourage him to loosen up a little more. “Y/N….?” He carefully takes in my facial expression to be sure this is okay. It hurts, that I’ve given him verbal permission and he’s still reluctant. When he doesn’t seem to find any disapproval he tries it again. “Y/N….Y/N!”

If he was attached to a heart rate monitor it would’ve certainly started beeping more frequently. I can’t lie, mine would’ve too. The simple act of him calling my name is exciting to him, how can I not think that’s adorable?

While he is fondly smiling to himself, my eyes catch sight of the food in front of him again. He hasn’t taken anything of it. “Why aren’t you eating?” My heart must’ve skipped a beat. Not because I’m flustered, but because it hurts seeing his expression fall. “I wasn’t given permission to eat.” He clutches the blanket covering his legs as he looks at the fruit in front of him. He can’t eat that, because nobody told him he can?

“It’s yours, they gave you permission to eat this when they gave it to you.” I smile at him. However, when he doesn’t return it I can’t keep it up. “No, no, sometimes it’s just to look at.” He clearly does not understand why I don’t know this. Little does he know this is not common knowledge. Food that’s meant just to look at? This is not some plastic showcase food.

“Food is meant to be eaten.” Who told him some food is only to look at? And then why would they have him look at it? Nothing makes sense. “No you don’t understand.” Damn right do I not understand. “My owner said some food is just for looking at. If I ate any I’d be a bad boy.” This is some new kind of torture. Placing a nice plate of food in front of a hungry hybrid just for them to look at? 

“I’m not a bad boy! Beating hurts, so I won’t be a bad boy…” I can’t believe my ears. It was already obvious, yet hearing it from him just makes it worse. My brain and mouth don’t work together. I want to comfort him, so why is nothing coming out? My silence worries him.

“Am I… Am I bad?” His bottom lip quivers, he is about to cry if I don’t say anything. “Of course not! You’re a good boy! A very good boy, so you can eat all you like. Please…” The volume of my voice can’t be kept consistent. It lowers more and more as I talk. “Nobody will hurt you anymore, so you can eat. Please…” I can’t keep my emotions to myself. I shouldn’t, not in front of him.

“Y-Y/N?!” Taehyung panics at the sight of tears escaping my eyes. “What happened? Are you hurt? There’s a button, I can call the doctor!” I shake my head as I dry my cheeks with my sleeves. “Or are you hungry? Does your tummy hurt? Here!” He grabs an apple from the tray on the bed table in front of him, presenting it to me. Once again I shake my head and push his hand away.

“I’m okay, I’m okay.” I manage to keep the remaining tears in and completely wipe my face dry. “I’m not hurt.” My heart hurts. “Eat until you’re full okay? Then I’ll be happy again.” Taehyung nods determinedly, taking a big bite out of the apple he is holding.

“Look, I’m eating! Mhm, delicious! So don’t be sad anymore, I don’t like it..” He does his best to speak with his mouth full. He looks endearing, eating looks good on him. “You’re such a sweet friendly tiger, aren’t you?” My words are meant to cheer him up, yet they have the opposite effect. For some reason he smiles sadly. “I’m sorry.” He apologizes. The hand holding the apple falls. I just made things go from bad to worse, good job.

“No, no apologizing. Why? That’s a good thing!” Taehyung shakes his head. “I’m supposed to be an intimidating tiger.” The tears I just managed to hold back threaten to start falling again. “You’re a good boy, good boys are friendly and sweet.” This must go against everything Taehyung was taught.

I’m scared he’ll be confused, but I also can’t not say it. “In my eyes being friendly is good.” I say again. It seems to convince him as his sad smile doesn’t look so sad anymore. “Thank you.” He takes another piece from the red fruit. “Y/N is a good person. Humans are mean, but you’re okay.”

A/N: *Reference to the nowhere dimention from SpongeBob.

Taglist

@suhappysuho @intellectualxprincess @sana-b

#bangtanarmynet #plotsofpastel #bts #bts scenario #bts fanfiction #bts imagines #bts taehyung #bts fluff #bts fanfic #bts angst #bts hybrid au #bts hybrid fanfic #bts taehyung x reader #taehyung #taehyung fanfic #taehyung hybrid au #taehyung fluff #taehyung angst #taehyung x reader #taehyung scenarios #kpop fanfic #kpop angst #kpop scenarios #kpop fluff #kpop imagines #kpop hybrid au

[spockandawe]

So, I was thinking about Nie brother tragedy times, because I didn’t even come CLOSE to getting it out of my system with that fic

(oh dear, this got longer than I expected)

So first, a few snippets on the things Nie Huaisang does and doesn’t value, and how... strained his relationship with Nie Mingjue is when it comes to these things (based on the last quote I’ve copied over for this post, I get the impression that they might have argued over art vs sabers a lot, but that the genuine, intense anger on nie mingjue’s part is a very new, very shocking development for nie huaisang)

First of all, generally setting the scene

One day, the moment [Nie Mingjue] returned to the main hall of the Unclean Realm, he saw about a dozen folding fans, all lined in gold, flattened out one next to the other in front of Nie Huaisang, who was touching them tenderly, mumbling as he compared the inscriptions written on each one. Immediately, veins protruded from Nie Mingjue’s forehead, “Nie Huaisang!”

Nie Huaisang fell at once.

He really did fall to his knees from the terror. He only staggered up after he finished kneeling, “B-b-b-brother.”

Nie Mingjue, “Where is your saber?”

Nie Huaisang cowered, “In… in my room. No, in the school grounds. No, let me… think…”

Wei Wuxian could feel that Nie Mingjue almost wanted to hack him dead right there, “You bring a dozen fans with you wherever you go, yet you don’t even know where your own saber is?!”

Nie Huaisang hurried, “I’ll go find it right now!”

Nie Mingjue, “There’s no need! Even if you find it you won’t get anything out of it. Go burn all of these!”

And then, introducing Jin Guangyao as a brother figure who understands Nie Huaisang in a way that Nie Mingjue doesn’t/can’t, and one who’s happy to indulge Nie Huaisang’s hobbies. In fact, even when Nie Mingjue is already generally pissed at Jin Guangyao, has tried to kill him in the past, and is angry right now, Jin Guangyao is still willing to speak up on behalf of Nie Huaisang.

All of the color drained out of Nie Huaisang’s face. He rushed to pull all of the fans into his arms, pleading, “No, Brother! All of these were given to me!”

Nie Mingjue slammed his palm onto a table, causing it to crack, “Who did? Tell them to scurry out here right now!”

Someone spoke, “I did.”

Jin Guangyao walked in from outside the hall. Nie Huaisang looked as though he saw a knight in shining armor, beaming, “Brother, you’re here!”

In reality, it wasn’t that Jin Guangyao could calm Nie Mingjue’s anger, but that since Jin Guangyao came, all of Nie Mingjue’s anger would be directed at him alone, having no time to scold others. Thus, there was nothing wrong with saying that he was Nie Huaisang’s knight in shining armor. Nie Huaisang was absolutely delighted. He greeted Jin Guangyao again and again as he grabbed the fans in haste. Seeing how his younger brother reacted, Nie Mingjue was so outraged that he almost found it amusing. He turned to Jin Guangyao, “Don’t send him those useless things!”

In a hurry, Nie Huaisang dropped a few fans on the ground. Jin Guangyao picked them up for him and put them into his arms, “Huaisang’s hobbies are quite elegant. He’s dedicated to art and calligraphy, and has no propensity for mischief. How can you say that they’re useless?”

Nie Huaisang nodded as fast as he could, “Yes, Brother is right!”

And then, more of Jin Guangyao being indulgent when it comes to Nie Huaisang.

BUT. Also.

Explicitly bringing up that Jin Guangyao is a pro at figuring out people’s likes and dislikes, and using that to figure out how to ingratiate himself to them.

Jin Guangyao nodded lightly and sat as he had been told, “Brother, if you’re concerned for Huaisang, softer words would do no harm. Why this?”

Nie Mingjue, “Even when a blade’s at his neck he’s still like this. Looks like he’ll always be a good-for-nothing.”

Jin Guangyao, “It isn’t that Huaisang is a good-for-nothing, but that his heart lies somewhere else.”

Nie Mingjue, “Well you’ve really discerned where his heart lies, haven’t you?”

Jin Guangyao smiled, “Of course. Isn’t that what I’m the best at? The only person whom I can’t discern is you, Brother.”

He knew of people’s likes and dislikes so that he could find suitable solutions; he loved running errands and could do twice the work with half the effort. Thus, Jin Guangyao could be said to be quite a talent at analyzing others’ interests. Nie Mingjue was the only person whom Jin Guangyao couldn’t probe out any useful information about.

Now, this is brought up in the context of how Jin Guangyao was never able to get this sort of read on Nie Mingjue, but it comes right at the end of a LONG passage where... yeah, this is exactly the thing he’s been doing with Nie Huaisang. And considering how much he leans into these tactics and how he’s already been established as a skilled spy and double dealer, it’s... telling that when he can’t do this to Nie Mingjue, he’s working his little brother this way instead.

And then, change of pace. One quoted passage about how as time went (and as Jin Guangyao cozied up to Nie Huaisang more, and as Nie Mingjue’s instability built towards that last qi deviation), Nie Huaisang even more clearly saw his brother as an adversary and Jin Guangyao as an ally.

If only Nie Huaisang were like Wei Wuxian and could feel how great Nie Mingjue’s rage was, he wouldn’t grin in such a bold way. He protested, “Brother, the time is up. It’s time to rest!”

Nie Mingjue, “You rested just thirty minutes ago. Keep on going, until you learn it.”

Nie Huaisang was still giddy, “I won’t be able to learn it anyways. I’m done for the day!”

He often said this, but today Nie Mingjue’s reaction was entirely different from his past reaction. He shouted, “A pig would’ve learnt this by now, so why haven’t you?!”

Never expecting Nie Mingjue to burst out so suddenly, Nie Huaisang’s face was blank with shock as he shrunk toward Jin Guangyao.

So, I’m not terribly inclined to regard Nie Huaisang as a chessmaster manipulator type, more someone who’s good at sneakily inciting chaos, while Jin Guangyao relies on having ironclad control. But Nie Huaisang is definitely smart, and had plenty of time to put certain pieces together. I’m fascinated plenty by whatever it was that took him from ^^^ to this

(I love what fatal journey did, and I love the idea of jin guangyao making nie huaisang more actively complicit in his brother’s death, because that is deliciously fucked up, but I am also trying to be careful with any claims as to Absolute Canon, so I’m not going to go into the movie)

What I’m even more interested in... is the aftermath. I’ve read delicious self-recrimination fic from a variety of characters, but it seems like there’s less when it comes to Nie Huaisang, and I think that’s such a shame.

Because this storyline is so tasty! So tragic!! I love the one post I’ve seen a few times, where it contrasts lan wangji’s and nie huaisang’s reactions to New Brothers, where nie huaisang is like ‘new brothers! excellent!! I will expect backdated presents for each of my birthdays, thank you.’ Which, like... that might not be canon, but Jin Guangyao pretty much rolls with that exact idea. He works out what Huaisang likes best in no time flat, and starts bringing him all kinds of fantastic presents. And he starts arguing in favor of Huaisang’s own preferences and strengths to Nie Mingjue’s face.

There’s something that really gets me about the tragedy of a situation where someone doesn’t realize they’re caught between ‘someone who doesn’t understand me, but loves me’ and ‘someone who understands me, and uses that to use me.’

It kills me, because at the very end of Nie Mingjue’s life, Jin Guangyao was definitely using the disconnect between the two brothers as a way to provoke Nie Mingjue. He might not have caused the division, but he was happy to lean into it. He’s capable of mediation, but instead, he wholeheartedly takes Nie Huaisang’s side in these arguments, which looks gr8 to Nie Huaisang, but has the end of effect of infuriating Nie Mingjue, until that last time, when he finally snaps and qi deviates to death.

I just love the tragedy of realizing someone you thought was an ally was actually... probably indifferent to you, and was definitely using you as a tool to hurt someone you love. 

(I don’t necessarily think that the relationship was established just to manipulate nie mingjue, I think jin guangyao tends to establish this kind of relationship with anyone who’s likely to be a power player of any sort, but I do think that when he wasn’t able to ingratiate himself with nie mingjue directly, nie huaisang was the best method available to steer him)

I wish there was more fic getting inside Nie Huaisang’s head as he works this all out, but it’s not like I have much confidence in my ability to write anything so much in his head and emotions myself, haha. My fic scratched some similar itches, but just taking things away from nhs pov dramatically limits how much you can do with this situation. 

Because it really was an internal situation. Who would he have shared it with? Jin Guangyao definitely had spies in Qinghe, Lan Xichen would have been grieving Nie Mingjue and absolutely would have been reluctant to blame Jin Guangyao for anything, and it isn’t like Nie Huaisang ever had proof. The situation is so tragic and so isolating that I keep coming back to it in my head, and while I was writing the nmj fic, I reread the section I quoted above, and was struck by the nature of the relationship that Jin Guangyao established with Nie Huaisang, on this kind of emotional foundation, and how Nie Huaisang had to maintain that relationship, for years, knowing that the relationship was something Jin Guangyao used to hurt his brother.

#nie huaisang #nie mingjue #jin guangyao #the untamed #i do love jin guangyao #but also #my general position is #nie huaisang did nothing wrong :V

[brief-candle]

ᴡɪɴ - Tooru Oikawa

just a rewrite of a pretty old fic i did that i disliked for a long time,, not as long but i think it’s a small price to pay for better writing. my old one draggedddd lmao

series: haikyuu!!

notes: yandere themes.

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ♫ ⋅.} ───── ⊰

Why were you even there? Where was the appeal in the bright, searing lights? In the screaming of the audience that seemed to shake the very foundation of your bones with the sheer noise of it all? You never did quite understand why you were there; a faceless nobody amongst a sea of faceless nobodies all competing to see who could shout loudest. As if that would earn them endless respect and fulfil every dream they'd ever had.

However, as the ball flew into the air for the first time in that game, it all clicked. You knew why you were there. Maybe you weren't the most passionate volleyball fan in the world, but you'd be his most passionate fan. Plus you'd have to be three times as passionate as usual, seeing as your parents were unable to make it.

You almost groaned at the effort before rising to your feet, leaning against the metal railings as you cupped your hands around your mouth, almost hoping- begging- that he could miraculously hear you over the roaring sea of your school around you, even if it would cause endless embarrassment,

"Go on, Wakatoshi!"

However, despite how much you tried to compete with the booming and sheer vocal power of Shiratorizawa, the only acknowledgement you noticed that you got was off a teacher nearby. The scowl alone that lay on their face said it all: sit down and shut up. And, disheartened, you complied. Not without being a little stroppy, however, in the way that you cupped your face in your hands and visibly pouted.

It all began to feel a bit too much at the moment. Perhaps it was a little selfish of you to hope that your emotionally stunted mess of a brother would notice you trying to support him and be a little thankful for it. Or to even give you any positive attention at all, like regular older brothers did every so often- or even tease you and mess around, for crying out loud! That's what your friends' brothers did. Even being a pain in the backside was better than being like acquaintances, and sometimes you couldn't help but doubt if you were even considered that. You could barely remember the last proper conversation you'd had before yesterday, in which he'd tried to stop you coming to today's game for some reason he didn't explain.

It must've been stupid, you thought sourly, it's not like he comes up with anything valuable, anyway. Unless it was related to volleyball, Wakatoshi was as much use in conversation as a brick. And even when it was related to volleyball, he wasn't exactly the most riveting conversationalist.

Still, something seemed a little off to you. Maybe it was the look in his eye as he tried to talk you down from trying to act like siblings for once, the hardness as he spoke so harshly with such unnecessarily cold words. He probably didn't mean it, you knew how blunt and socially inept he was like the back of your hand, but that didn't stop the sting. He'd never been so adamant when you'd suggested it before, only brushing it off nonchalantly, but you just couldn't figure out why it was the case with today's game.

After all, it was just another win against Aoba Johsai. No big deal, really. Just another effortless, total win that pretty much everyone could see coming. Sometimes you wondered why they even tried, really, and how they could end up looking so downtrodden by the end of each match; surely they were aware that they'd just keep losing unless they had some sort of miracle, right? It was like they never seemed to learn.

You pursed your lips at that train of thought, furrowing your eyebrows slightly as you did so. Though you soon stopped upon realising that you were doing such things, blinking before rising from your seat to collect your things. You'd have to hang around for a while afterwards for your brother, anyway, if you wanted to get home, and so felt to need to rush out of there like a bat out of hell.

That was what you'd originally thought. But when you looked back onto the court to see the players leaving from their lines, you found a pair of brown eyes burrowing right into you. Intense and swirling with an emotion you couldn't quite describe. Or perhaps didn't want to, for the mere idea of thinking or looking into that gaze for any longer was not the most enticing. In fact, the moment you'd registered such a stare, you soon whipped your head in another direction. Even then it didn't seem like it was enough; you could feel his eyes lingering still upon you, until it began to suffocate you.

Never before did you think that you'd end up fleeing a room from the stare of the Seijoh captain.

From the moment you escaped the room, rushed and worried, the intensity left immediately. It was like it was never there, more of a pipe dream than reality, though the rational part of your mind (you were always so grateful for its existence) frantically insisted otherwise. Jokingly, you couldn't help but mentally note that for a boy with such soft, boyishly handsome features, he could certainly be quite intimidating. Especially with a gaze like that.

Perhaps if you didn't look away at the moment that you did, you'd be stuck in those eyes until he deemed that it was time to stop. You knew that a couple of your friends probably wouldn't have minded that, and some part of you wondered if you'd have minded that either, with such dreamy eyes. It was quite cringey, yes, but you couldn't help it! Anyone with eyes could see that he was way too attractive for his own good.

"You're Ushiwaka's sister, right?" You were ripped from your thoughts suddenly, and very nearly let out an unholy screech at the suddenness of it. However upon realising who you were talking to, you were exceptionally glad that you didn't do such a thing. To embarrass yourself in front of Tooru Oikawa was many a girl's worst nightmare, and you were darned if you were to live out such a moment.

Still, that didn't stop the feeling that your heart was going to burst out of your chest, and so you rested a hand upon it and let out a dramatic sigh, "You almost gave me a heart attack... but yeah, that'd be me."

Tooru chuckled at that, all sweet sounds and cheeky grins, "I'm very sorry to hear that! It'd be so unfair for such a lovely girl like yourself to fall so untimely... I don't know how I'd live with myself."

As unflattering as it was, you practically barked with laughter at his display of dramatic flair. Though you could have very easily been imagining it through the sheer humiliation of such a sound leaving you, you could have sworn that you saw his smile brighten just a little bit more, "Oh, please! Don't tell me- you say that to every girl, don't you?"

"I do not!" He seemed almost offended, gasping as he laid a hand upon his own heart, "Oh, how you have wounded me so! I fear I will never recover!"

Again, you laughed at his little act, almost flattered that he was even bothering to spend time and joke with you. After all, you were the sister of his volleyball nemesis at this point, having seen him lose to your brother's team again and again and again. You pitied him, really, because he was just so clearly talented. It was just that your brother's team was better.

For a moment, you debated on responding with a 'I'd soon be following if your fanclub found out' or something similar, but you feared that it was a bit too snarky for someone that you couldn't even recall properly conversing with in the past. And so, instead, you stuck with words that were more tame and less likely to land you in hot water with anyone like your snide remarks could so often do.

"Oh, spare me!" Then a pause, in which you chuckled politely, "So, is there anything you need from me, Oikawa?"

As soon as you spoke his name, his ears and cheeks seemed to be tinted with a pale shade of pink. It was a pretty colour, and even prettier on him. Though that's probably to be expected, really. You doubted anything couldn't look pretty on him, to tell the truth.

"Oh, you know my name? I'm flattered!" As if any of you expected you not to know his name, but Tooru was nothing if not sly, "Well, I should probably get straight to the point, shouldn't I?"

It was rhetorical, and you knew it, and so waited patiently for him to continue. When he raised a hand to the back of his neck, rubbing rather timidly and (purposefully) seeming to avoid your eyes, you began to get a little confused. You couldn't help but wonder what exactly he was waiting for, or what exactly he wanted to tell you. It struck you as a little odd, really; Tooru was known for being talkative and extroverted and everything but timid and shy, yet the Tooru before you was very much appearing to be the latter two things.

"Ah... this is harder than I thought," he muttered, barely audible enough for you to catch fragments of what he said.

"I'm sorry?" Your eyebrows knitted together, creasing the space between them slightly in concern.

"It's nothing!" He waved his hands in front of him, though quickly continued, "I was just wondering if you were free this weekend!"

You blinked. Then again. And even then, what he was saying didn't seem to sink in at all. Even he caught onto this, and though he was frustrated at it, he hid it seamlessly behind a bright smile and soft words.

"Y'know, to get coffee or something? It's just... I've liked you for a while, but never actually got the chance to talk with you before. So I-"

"The bus is here." There was a deep voice from behind you, cutting through your conversation effortlessly and without a hint of common decency. To be fair, if your brother had a hint of common decency then he would have waited for your conversation to be over or at least not interrupt anyone. But there was nothing to be done now, so you merely groaned internally as you waved him off with a, "I'll be there in a sec."

When you turned back to excuse yourself, you couldn't help but start at the daggers Tooru was glaring into Wakatoshi's back. If looks could kill, then he'd probably be six feet under by now.

But when you blinked, it was gone without a trace. You couldn't tell whether it was an effort to soothe yourself or not, but you couldn't help but wonder if you'd imagined it; if a look so ugly could ever have been on a face as pretty as Tooru's in the first place.

"Well, I should probably get going," you'd started with after a few moments of insufferable silence, gathering yourself and smoothing out imaginary creases in your prestigious school blazer, giving your skirt the same treatment after. A few steps down the hallway and away from Tooru later, you briefly turned on your heel to comment, "Sunday works for me!"

You were surprised that you didn't go blind from the bright, beaming smile on his face then. It was like he'd just won his way through Nationals, or something, and you wondered if he even remembered how badly his team lost that day. Though perhaps it was better if he forgot that for a little bit.

After all, you'd all but forgotten that intense stare that had been following you every free moment of the match.

#yandere #yandere x reader #yandere oikawa tooru x reader #yandere oikawa #oikawa tooru #yandere haikyuu #yandere haikyuu x reader #x reader

[spidercakes]

Across the Stars

Since everyone was so horny for that sub for hire Peter idea I posted a couple days ago :) Who am I to deny the people? This chapter is more set up than anything and who knows how long this will go on, we’ll see! Read on AO3.

Length: 2.6k

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four

Tag list: @prettieststarker @readysetstarker @lover-starker @starkerprince @starker-flame @i-am-irondaddy @blush-reincarnated @c6h12o6-work @von--gelmini @caseysroses

Warnings (that aren’t completely applicable to this chapter, but will come up later): feminization and sensation play mostly. In this chapter there’s blind folds, noise cancelling headphones, and wrist restraints. Nothing particularly crazy! Also, uncle Ben is in a coma so hospital stuff.

*

Peter looks everything over and honestly it doesn’t seem that bad. Tony doesn’t seem that bad either. He’d kind of expected some sleepy client who wanted to do some kind of weird stuff to him but most of the stuff on Tony’s list is tame, at least to him.

“This is pretty… well, not what I expected,” he says eventually.

Tony looks surprisingly serious considering the couple times they’ve talked on the phone mostly consisted of him making jokes and Peter thinks he’s pretty funny at least. It had been a pleasant surprise to find that Tony was a bright spot in his day instead of work given that’s what he’s supposed to be. Peter figures the part where he stops enjoying their interactions will come later, or at least they’ll feel more transactional. Or maybe that’s what’s happening now.

“You do know some of the stuff on that list are things the CIA uses as torture techniques, right?” he asks and Peter frowns at the list. “Obviously I have no desire to torture you, but don’t underestimate how intense sensor depravation can be,” Tony tells him.

He looks back at the list, at the things he still doesn’t really think are that frightening. Restraints, blindfolds, blocking off his ability to hear- none of that seems scary or intense in any way. Peter expected to read the list and immediately dislike at least one thing on there but for the most part Tony seemed to have some tame ideas. Or maybe Peter read too many horror stories, who knows. But Tony is the one who’s done this before so he considers it for a moment.

“Um. I mean, I could like… try something, if you want? Test the waters some, get a feel for what this would look like in practice,” he says. Because he doesn’t see how any of this could be used as torture, it just doesn’t seem all that bad.

The fact that Tony is interested is clear, but he’s obviously holding back. “What did you have in mind?” he asks and Peter figured he was the one taking orders here but okay.

Peter looks back over the list, “maybe combine a few of the things that pop up the most on the list. So like… restraint, a blind fold, and blocking out my hearing I guess,” he says. Tony seems to have a preference for toying with the senses and Peter figures that’s fine, he’s seen weirder stuff and he’s fine with blindfolds or whatever.

For a moment Tony considers it before he nods. “Have you done any of this stuff before?” he asks and Peter shrugs.

“Some of it, but not all at once. I’ve never had anyone block out my hearing though,” he says. He doesn’t even get how that’s a kink thing at all but he also isn’t about to complain about it either. He expected some wild shit that might leave him scarred for life but instead Tony gave him a list of things that seemed more pleasant than not.

He can see Tony deliberating but eventually he stands and holds out his hand to Peter. He takes it, somewhat grateful for the anchor as he’s led away and into a room. He’s sort of surprised by the mundane nature of it, and that it kind of looks like a staged hotel room. The bed is massive though. “On the bed,” Tony tells him, freeing Peter’s hand so he can go over by himself.

He takes in a deep breath an figures fuck it, if nothing else today will pay well. Tony might be unorthodox in how he gets his intimacy but he pays well for Peter’s time, exceptionally well and he’s not really in a position to turn down money. He climbs onto the bed and perches himself in the middle, unsure how this’ll go but sure it won’t go badly. Tony rustles around in his drawers for a few moments before he comes back to the bed, crawling onto it himself and its kind of funny, watching someone in that nice of a suit crawl onto a bed.

“Give me your wrist,” Tony tells him, holding out his hand. Peter follows his instructions, holding out his hand for Tony and he’s surprised with how gently he takes it. “Good,” he murmurs and Peter doesn’t know quite what he’s done right but he likes the praise anyway. Tony wraps the cuff around his wrist, taking his time and Peter finds the cuff soft. He had sort of had handcuffs in mind, which he knows from experience is more of a pain in the ass than anything.

“These are a lot nicer than hand cuffs,” he says and Tony laughs.

“Yeah, can’t say I’m all that fond of handcuffs. They aren’t comfortable and they aren’t nearly as durable either,” he says. “Lay back, hands at the headboard,” he tells Peter. He shifts himself up the bed a little, stretching himself out so his hands are at Tony’s headboard. Tony loops the free restraint around one of the bars of the headboard and Peter hands him his other wrist. Tony smiles down at him, reaching out and gently running his fingers along Peter’s jaw before returning to attaching the restraint. Its not an uncomfortable position to be in, mostly because the cuffs are so soft. “If you want out, say so and I’ll take these off immediately, okay?” Tony says.

Peter nods though he doesn’t see it being much of a problem. Next comes the blindfold so Peter lifts his head a little, earning a small smile from Tony as he slips it over his eyes. That makes things a little weirder, not being able to see but its not really that bad either. Just strange, because he’s used to being able to see without issues. “I’m going to put noise cancelling headphones on, okay?” Tony says softly. Peter waits for the silence to come but nothing happens for a few moments. “Okay?” he repeats and Peter gets his drift.

“Okay,” he says. A moment later the headphones are on and that’s weird. First of all they’re kind of heavy, or at least heavier than Peter thought they’d be and the silence is pleasant at first but gets weird fast. Peter figures maybe he’s too used to noise like the traffic outside his window, or the squeaking of the floor boards, or the thousand other things that make noise in his life so its… unsettling to have all that removed. He tries, for a few moments, to adjust to it but all he manages is trying to strain harder to hear when he knows he won’t be able to.

He squirms a little and a hand settles on his knee. Right, Tony is obviously still around. He’d made it clear that he wouldn’t ever leave Peter alone unsupervised assuming he was in some kind of restraint or anything else that left him vulnerable. Safety, he’d said. It does give Peter some peace of mind and the way Tony’s thumb softly strokes his lower thigh is nice, comforting.

He does decide he doesn’t much care for the headphones though. “I… don’t like being alone with my own thoughts,” he says eventually, unsure if he’d even said anything at all given that he can’t actually hear it and he likes that even less. The headphones come off immediately though and he can hear the breath of relief he lets out.

“You don’t need to wait that long to say you’re uncomfortable, Peter. Say something right away,” Tony tells him.

“I thought maybe I’d adjust. Um. Didn’t care for that though. Maybe we could do music or something instead,” he suggests.

“That’s an idea,” Tony murmurs. “And the rest?” he asks.

Peter considers it and then shrugs, “I just didn’t like the silence. The rest is okay. There’s like, more to it than this though, right?” he asks. This seems too easy and sure, maybe it could be just this but he suspects not.

Tony’s soft laugh confirms it. “No. Ideally I’d toy with your senses from here, mostly touch. You’d know what I wanted to do ahead of time, I’d send you an outline of what I was looking to do,” Tony tells him.

He can’t help the little snort he lets out. “I get an itinerary?” he asks.

Thankfully Tony seems to find it funny too, “more like an opportunity to pull anything from the scene that you don’t want to do. Sometimes people don’t know that they have a limit until they read exactly what someone is planning and they decide its not for them. Its more for your benefit than mine, I already know what I’m looking for.”

Yeah, Peter read over an extensive list of what he was looking for and then got restrained to the bed about it. Tony’s hand has settled back on his lower thigh and Peter figures this is fine, he can totally do this. Tony’s even nice about it though he thinks maybe he should have trusted Sam a little more when he said he doesn’t stock bad clients. Sam seems pretty trustworthy but Peter doesn’t know what ‘good client’ looks like to Sam so for all he knew he was walking into some crazy shit. He didn’t though, and with all the shit that’s been going on in the rest of his life he’s grateful for it. And for the ability to get out of something if he wants to. Tony seems to be big on that so you know, thank god.

“Hmm. Well, this isn’t so bad. Your bed is really comfortable,” he says. Much better than his, though its second hand. Its okay, but not exactly a king sized bed that belongs to some rich guy.

“Yeah? You did so good too,” Tony tells him, hand on his thigh squeezing a little and Peter doesn’t know what he did well really, but he’s still happy that Tony liked whatever it was he saw. “You want out of those restraints?” he asks and Peter considers it for a moment before he nods.

“Okay,” he says, not really caring either way but they probably have some other details to go over so he should have his hands free for that.

By the time he makes it home he’s tired and ready to go to bed but Liz, Ned, and MJ are all waiting for him in the living room. “Hey,” Ned says, braving it by going first. “Are you back from the hospital or your uh… job,” he says carefully, unsure how to put it.

“Both,” Peter says. Someone had to pay the bill and May’s footing the rent for the apartment so he figured he could take care of the hospital stuff. And Tony ways ridiculously well. Not quite enough still, but that’s what the regular sessions are for and he should earn more than enough to cover the hospital bills and maybe he can cut some of his student debt down, who knows.

“So?” Liz says, raising an eyebrow.

He knows they want a million and one details but he’s not really prepared to give them every detail of the paperwork Tony drew up. Guy is nothing if not thorough even if none of it has any real legal binding, obviously. “It was fine, and Ben’s the same as he has been.” One time, one time he goes to grab the milk instead of Peter and he gets shot. And its not like he took his usual route either, and usually their neighborhood is relatively safe, but he happened to walk past some guy who committed a robbery gone wrong and now he’s in a coma. Has been for over a month and no one is sure what’s going to happen. Peter hates the limbo, but what the hell is he supposed to do about it? Best he can do is make sure the cost is covered and its not like that’s cheap.

At least bringing him up has the added benefit of shutting his friends up. They all look a little awkward with the mention of him and Peter doesn’t like using him to get them to back off but he’s also too tired to deal with their questions at the moment. “Well, that’s… not bad,” MJ says eventually, wincing. Peter knows what she means though so he nods.

“I’m going to go to bed, see you guys in the morning,” he tells them, waving them off and going to his room.

He’s crawling under his covers when his phone rings and he sighs, looking at the caller ID to see if its anything important. Its Tony so he takes a breath and answers it, “hey,” he says as he settles into bed.

“Hey,” Tony says back softly, “you doing okay?”

Weird question but Peter will take it. “Yeah, I’m fine. Tired, but that's more because I’ve had a long day and I have class tomorrow.” He wrinkles his nose but it can’t be helped. He’d offered to drop out so he could get a job to cover bills but May about had an aneurysm about that so he decided maybe to not bring it up again. She has enough on her plate without worrying about that too. And then he ended up with a job anyway, but Tony is flexible. He works weird hours too, apparently.

“I thought you were a student, your schedule suggests it. What are you studying?” he asks.

“Engineering and I swear professor Beck wants me dead,” he says. God, he’s such a prick. Sometimes he’ll be okay and Peter will think hey, maybe he’s not the worst and then he does something awful and he takes it back. They have a hate hate relationship.

“Quentin Beck?” Tony asks and Peter frowns.

“How the hell did you know that?” Because that’s weird and maybe a little creepy depending on how he found that out.

“We worked together once. Didn’t end well,” he says.

“Good to know he hates everyone and its not just me,” Peter mumbles, making Tony laugh a little.

“Yeah, guy is a prick with a complex and coming from me that’s pretty bad. So uh… if I send you a few things tonight will you be up for reading them?” he asks and Peter doesn’t mean to let out a groan but he does. All Tony does is laugh though so there’s that. “Relax, its not too much. There’s some pictures too, if that helps. I was hoping you’d be able to come back tomorrow, presumably after your classes, if that works for you.”

It does, mostly because he needs the money but he also figures he should get a full idea of what this is going to look like anyway. “Yeah, I can do that,” Peter says. “And I swear to god if I have to read more than three pages I’m going to say fuck it and go to sleep.”

Tony lets out a sharp laugh at that. “Its way less than that, scouts honor,” he says and Peter snorts.

“You so don’t look like the type who was in scouts but I’ll take your word for it,” he tells him.

When Tony sends the information its really not that much. What he has planned, apparently, is more bonding than not minus what Tony wants Peter to wear. He looks over the picture and there’s nothing objectively wrong with the white teddy its just… well, its not like he often wears women’s clothing. Or in this case anything that feminine. But its not like its the end of the world so fuck it, he’ll get comfortable in sheer white material and deal with it.

#tony stark x peter parker #starker #alternate universe #fanfiction #chapter 1

[compartmentalisinghmpf]

A coherent post about THESE GUYS

Ok, so I’m going to try my hardest now to sell Cole and Ramse to... absolutely anyone who may be willing to read this interminable screed, lol.

Oh yeah, gonna have to say this clearly, for once, despite my silly dislike for the title: the show I’m talking about here is 12 Monkeys. It’s on Amazon Prime; it may be available elsewhere, too, I dunno.

Also, here be spoilers - it’s impossible to talk about the relationship between these guys without dropping at least a few global spoilers that could be considered fairly extreme, though I’ll try to keep it as vague as I can while still being as specific as necessary. (I mean, I’ve talked about all of this before on this blog, so if you’ve been here for the past two weeks, this won’t raise your level of spoilage significantly.)

ETA: I just noticed that I completely failed to explain what the show is about, and what these guys’ main motivations outside of their relationship are... That would all have been in the last third, which I cut for excessive length... whoops.

***

So. Two orphaned boys meet in public care in 2015. It’s a couple of years before the end of the world, but they don’t know that. They’re ten and five or six years old, respectively, and the ten-year-old, José Ramse, who is a caring and responsible kid, immediately takes the freshly orphaned younger one, James Cole, under his wing.

In 2017 (in one timeline; exact years are a moving target, in a show about changing the past) a global pandemic breaks out, much worse than our current one, reducing humankind to a small fraction of its former number over the course of very few years.

The boys are extremely lucky: both are immune. As civilisation crumbles around them, they stick together, protecting each other. (We can assume that, at least for the first several years, that mostly means Ramse protecting Cole.)

Society doesn’t recover - not after a year, not after ten. The boys grow feral, grow up, a close-knit unit of two, each other’s only family. They become scavengers; perhaps inevitably, killers - for self-defence, at first, as per the rules they set themselves; “then, that became food and shelter”.

Here they are, a couple of years before the show’s main action begins, sharing a single pair of gloves - specifically, Ramse giving the gloves he was wearing to Cole, like the eternal big brother that he is. Awwwww.

(They, but especially Ramse, use the word “brother” a lot. It makes sense: he effectively adopted Cole when the world ended, he has a deep need to protect him; that word is the house he builds to keep Cole safe. To keep both of them safe.)

Ramse, old enough to remember living in civilisation, continues to carry within himself a conviction that “whatever this world is now, it shouldn’t be this”. Cole, still aged in single digits at the time of collapse, adapts more easily to the murderous world they now live in. For a few years the two join a gang, at Cole’s initiative. It improves their material condition, but Ramse finds the excessive violence hard to reconcile with the frayed remains of his moral instinct. He also finds it hard to watch his little brother turn into even more of a thug than post-apocalyptic life had already made him.

Here’s Ramse, objecting to following up robbery with murder:

Here’s Cole, unconvinced:

(That’s a bottle shard there in his shoulder. His last victim fought back.)

The gang intermezzo almost ends in fratricide - a too-suggestible Cole getting dangerously close to making an example of Ramse at the ganglord’s bidding, for insufficient enthusiasm for murder, but mostly, for repeatedly challenging the latter’s authority over questions of morality.

I don’t think that Ramse considers it a foregone conclusion that Cole will not do the deed, as he offers him the knife here:

This establishes a theme: violent death is ever present, between these two. Throughout their soon-to-be time-travel-cursed lives, they will repeatedly see each other almost die, or actually die, not in a “bad guy points a gun at them for a moment” way, but in ways that feel impactful.

Here’s what Cole looks like when that happens.

Here’s what it looks like when it un-happens. (I apologise for the darkness of the caps - light is scarce in the post-apocalypse, please look at this in a very dark room, or at night. Anyway, that’s a hug, ok? A kinda-hanging-on-for-dear-life one - mostly from Cole’s side, here, because Ramse doesn’t actually know what just happened, he’s from a different timeline. - They have more mutual intense hugs later, but those are also more spoilery.)

To get even more spoilery - this is important, in fact central to their relationship, but THIS IS WHERE THE EXTREME GLOBAL VAGUESPOILERS BEGIN:

It’s not simply violent death in general that’s ever present here; it is, rather more often than one would expect of two people who love each other so intensely, death at each other’s hands. These two will repeatedy get into situations where they will be ready to kill each other, or to be killed by the other - sometimes in angry challenge, sometimes in calm and, yes, loving acceptance.

These confrontations are never for a lack of love (although - once - in a momentary fit of rage); and the dynamic that develops between these two as their goals drift apart and become, eventually, entirely incompatible, is different from any I’ve seen. And it’s completely fascinating. And it is hearbreaking, but - you’ll have to trust me on this - mostly, strangely, in a good way. It never feels like enmity, and even temporary bitterness and deep disappointment are mixed with a love that never curdles into hatred. Again and again, these guys are prepared to give each other vast benefits of doubt, and forgive each other unspeakable things.

Even if it sometimes takes them a little while.

Even if they will still, perhaps, be ready to kill each other (again).

(This is Cassie, Dr. Cassandra Railly, talking about Cole and Ramse as they are navigating the first large fracture in their relationship with far more mutual goodwill than she finds warranted. She and Cole are in love - this is our central het ship here, and it’s a good one. Also, complicated - like every relationship on this show. And then all these complicated relationships interact, and things get even more complicated! So Cassie is of course involved in the dynamic between Cole and Ramse, too - but as so often on this show, it’s not what you would expect. Anyway, Cassie would be worthy of a whole long post of her own... but this is not that post.)

And you know what? This is a bit abrupt, and it all goes a bit off topic near the end, but maybe I should just end this post here. It’s probably about as long as people are (perhaps/hopefully/maybe?) willing to read; and anything I could add would just be more spoilers, really.

#THESE GUYS #José Ramse #James Cole #words words words #Cassandra Railly #Splinter

[youwerenevermeanttofeelalone]

Wasting Time | Diego Hargreeves

✦ pairing — Diego Hargreeves x Plus Size Reader

✦ word count — 4.1k

✦ summary— you’re an anti-love loner who somehow managed to get matched to someone by an enthusiastic and friendly pro-love super person.

✦ warnings — some angst, I think this has some comedy, probably language, Asha (OC) is a sweetheart and I would die for her, fluff.

✦ a/n — the requester said I could pick one of The Hargreeves and I went with my baby boy Diego. I hope you all enjoy!

❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎

Your mom left the restaurant in a hurry. She had a friend to meet up with, she reminded you a few times throughout the meal as she complained about your lack of romantic partner and friends.

Romance wasn’t for you. It didn’t even make sense. There wasn’t much to it, you had never seen it end well.

As for friendships, you had never been good at bonding with people. Back in college, you had hollow acquaintanceships at best, transactional relationships like most tended to be.

You were supposed to meet up with your mom to catch up after a couple of busy weeks, but you had sadly forgotten how intense she got with the topic of love.

She acted like you would never be happy on your own. Perhaps there was some truth in there, but if there was, she would have to take responsibility because she was complicit.

A random person tapped your shoulder. Craning your neck to the side to acknowledge them, you waited for them to say whatever it was they needed from you.

“Hi! I’m Asha!”

“I’m not interested,” you breathed out, looking past her to ask for the check.

Asha sat down in front of you. “I know you think love is a waste of time, you’re not the first and you won’t be the last, but all of you are wrong.”

You were sure Asha’s intentions were pure, but you didn’t need to hear fairytale-like arguments for love. And you definitely didn’t feel comfortable around eavesdroppers.

She followed you to the parking lot, spewing things about how beautiful romance was. Nothing you hadn’t heard before in songs and films. Which meant everything she was saying was bullshit.

Pulling the door of your car open, you snapped at her, “Could you please leave me alone?!”

You wished it had worked. She started following you throughout the day, smiling at you and asking you if you had changed your mind.

Surrounded by sweet smell and beautiful colors, you walked through the farmers market. You didn’t even understand how had she been able to follow you by foot when you were driving, but you wouldn’t let her ruin this.

“Strawberries are aphrodisiacs.”

“They taste good in smoothies,” you countered, paying for the berries and nodding as a thank you to the vendor.

Someone grabbed Asha by the arm. “What do you think you are doing?”

Asha gasped, smiling brightly. “Diego! This is perfect.”

A sharp sting went through your arm. You had always attracted mosquitoes, but their bites had never made you feel weird.

And boy, did you feel weird. The urge to hug the man in front of you overcame you, and as if he knew exactly what you were thinking, he opened his arms for you.

“He’s cuddly, right?” Asha’s sweet tone filled your ears.

Well, yes. His shirt was soft and he smelled good, extremely good — holy shit, why couldn’t other men smell like him?

“Your hair smells so good,” he blurted.

What a nice voice! His words and tone gave you goosebumps. Your stomach flipped as his arms tightened around your waist, prompting you to take a better whiff of his cologne.

You hoped he would never let go of you. It was hot outside yet you needed his warmth like you needed air.

Wait, what?

You pulled away from him, trying to find an excuse as to why you had hugged a stranger.

And why had you liked it?

Asha grabbed your hand and placed it on top of his. “This is Diego,” she introduced him to you, “he’s meant to be your romantic partner for life.”

Diego sighed, withdrawing his hand. “What have I told you about doing this?!”

“She wasn’t joking?” You asked, eyes going back and forth between the two.

He shook his head. “Have you heard of The Umbrella Academy?”

Oh, for fuck’s sake. “Yeah. All of you are superheroes.”

“Her powers are like Cupid’s.”

“Cupid’s behavior was childish at first,” Asha defended herself. “Mine isn’t.”

You waited for the punchline of the joke. It never came. He was 100% serious and you were bound to him now.

“I’ll leave you two lovebirds to get to know each other!”

Her words hit you instantly. “We don’t know each other,” you exclaimed, “I’m sure we won’t miss the other or anything...”

“We can just avoid each other!” Diego completed your thought, nodding along. “Perfect. I’m sorry for my sister.”

You swatted a hand. “No biggie.”

Oh, how wrong you had been. You spent your entire afternoon eating strawberries and watching tv, wondering what Diego was doing.

The subsequent days weren’t too different. Not from the strawberry part, you ran out of those too quickly.

You had many questions, less about the bond or whatever it was called and more about him. What he liked and disliked, why he did so...

It was stupid and pointless.

❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎

You stretched, whining. You couldn’t sleep, no matter which position you tried or what remedy from the Internet you put to the test.

A knock was bestowed upon the door. You whined again, throwing your sleep mask onto the bed and reaching for your pajama pants.

You turned the lights on as you crossed the apartment on your way towards the door. Noisily, you unlocked it.

Diego waved at you, trying to smile. He had a busted lip that was bleeding just like his eyebrow.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“I— I d—don’t...”

You frowned, grabbing him by the front of his vest to pull him into the apartment. Closing the door, you softly asked, “Do you need water?”

Diego shook his head, lifting his hands for you to give him a moment. You extended an arm, inviting him to take a seat in the living room.

Observing how swollen his face was, you walked toward the kitchen and looked for something to put on the area.

Fuck, you should’ve saved that ice just in case. Oh, well, a pack of frozen cauliflower and broccoli would do.

You pressed the cold bag on his cheek, waiting for him to hold it to let go of it. He grunted a thank you.

“Did your vigilante thing go wrong?”

Diego moved the bag for a moment to speak properly. “I felt like shit and needed to see you. I feel better now.”

“Yeah, that’s called codependency.”

“Well, what do you want me to do?”

You sighed, throwing your head back to rest it against the wall. “I am not blaming you.”

”You’re taking this too calmly. How?”

“I’m used to being by myself all the time, it looks like you are not.”

“You don’t feel like you can’t breathe without me?”

“No.” His disappointed look was the worst thing you had ever been forced to see in your life. The pang in your chest stopped when you told him, “I feel better when I see you, though. Less anxious.”

“Why do you think it is?”

You shrugged. “Maybe love doesn’t feel the same for everyone. Or whatever Asha did to us.”

His heart skipped a beat. “That sounds nice. Us.”

“Are you going soft on me?”

Diego pursed his lips together, glaring at you. He immediately hissed.

You took the bag off his hand and put it back into the freezer. Exchanging the pack for a ziplock bag with pineapple, you carefully rested it on his jaw, making sure it touched his lip too.

“Baby...”

“Don’t,” you warned him, ignoring the thrill down your spine upon hearing the pet name.

❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎

Every night you waited for him to knock upon your door, and although he didn’t do it every day of the week, you always opened.

He had hugged you once or twice in greeting. Much to your dismay, it had felt nice.

This specific time he hugged you tighter, holding you for as long as you allowed him to. It saddened you, knowing this was the highlight of his day. And yours.

Before meeting him, you went to bed early and woke up at dawn. Now you happily skipped sleep to hang out with him.

Diego was nice when he wasn’t being overbearing, funny even. But you would never tell him that.

“Can’t you make your sister undo it?” You asked, opening a bottle of beer for him. His favorite brand, which you had started buying after he brought a pack a few weeks ago.

He took a swig of beer. “It can’t be undone, that’s the point.”

“I won’t feel cheated on if you find someone else,” you assured him.

“But I want you!”

“Diego, I’m not made for this, okay? It doesn’t matter if I want it or not.”

“I have the worst fucking luck in the world,” he lamented, gulping down half of his beverage. “My girlfriends either die, try to kill me and my family, or hate me.”

“If it makes you feel any better, the only boyfriend I’ve had got married to the cousin I hate the most.”

“He’s a dick. I’m hotter than him.”

Well, you weren’t going to deny that. Pouring yourself some wine, you lifted the glass to clink it with his bottle of beer.

“Is he the reason why you hate love?”

Putting the glass down after taking a gulp, you shook your head. “Not really. He was more like... the confirmation? I always thought it was a waste of time, and too absurd, and corny — but everyone I knew had a partner and I didn’t want to be left out. When he dumped me for my cousin and married her, I was proven right.”

“Well, duh.” Diego rolled his eyes playfully. “You didn’t date someone you liked.”

“I’ve never liked someone.”

“I’m offended.”

“Willingly, smartass.”

He pointed with his bottle. “What about your mom?”

“I tolerate her.”

“Dad?”

“Would kill him if I could get away with it.”

“Siblings?”

“I hate my stepbrother.”

“Asha?” He teased.

You confessed. “Oh, well, she’s nice. She means well, at least.”

“What about me?” He insisted.

Shrugging, you refilled your glass. “You’re not bad when you’re talking casually.”

“Is this about my stutter?”

“Of course not, I’m not an asshole. I just hate it when you talk about me like you need me to survive when you clearly don’t.”

“I’ll take it as a compliment.”

“Closest thing you’ll get me to give you one.”

Giving you a cocky smile, he moved to sit down beside you on the floor. ”You didn’t deny it, you know?“

“Didn’t deny what?”

“That you’re my girlfriend.”

You shoved him playfully, shaking your head as you tried not to laugh. “Will you ever give up?”

“Realistically?”

Both of you chorused, “No.”

“Exactly.”

It was fabricated infatuation. He wanted an idealized version of you, like everyone did when they had crushes only to find out everything they like about their significant other or love interest is a lie made up by their own brains.

Leaving the glass to the side, you drank straight from the bottle. “Would you like me even if Asha hadn’t...”

“Yes.”

You chuckled incredulously, “Why?”

“You’re smart, responsible, really pretty — and believe or not, you’re nice.”

You cupped his cheek, blinking rapidly. His skin was soft to the touch, a little warm too. Diego leaned forward, holding your chin between his index and thumb. His lips were so close, you could practically feel his bottom lip on your upper lip.

Fully realizing what was going on as your eyes threatened to lie closed, you turned your head to the side. Your hand fell to his shoulder, middle finger grazing his neck.

“Stop leading me on!”

“I can’t help it!”

“Just give in,” he whispered on your cheek. “I won’t break your heart.”

“I will break yours.”

“I don’t believe it.”

“You just complained because I lead you on.”

“And you said it wasn’t on purpose. People make mistakes in stressful situations.”

You shook your head, completely moving away from his touch as you stood up. “Feel free to crash on the couch for the night.”

Diego didn’t say anything, but you heard him leave minutes later from your bedroom.

❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎

Asha had insisted on befriending you. She wasn’t bad company — although too bubbly and jumpy from what you were used to, she was willing to tone it down for you.

As bad as it sounded, she also served as a distraction. And who were you kidding? It was nice to have a friend.

You waited for her to finish her ice cream cone to speak, mostly because you were scared she would stamp it on your face.

“Would you find a way to undo it if I admit to having understood the importance of love?”

Asha smiled, playing with her hands on her lap, on top of the yellow skirt you had suggested would fit her perfectly. “Why would I undo it if you understand that now?”

Focusing your eyes on the dogs playing on the grass, you admitted, “I don’t like it, I feel weak. And having someone only care about me because of your influence doesn’t help.”

“I can’t match people who are incompatible.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? That Diego and I are meant to be together because of some sort of fate?”

She giggled. “No, you just fit well together. But maybe you want it to be different...”

“I just want to have control over this, Asha! I feel like I’m going crazy.”

“Why?” She tilted her head as she asked. It was like the idea was foreign to her.

“Because I miss him!” Your voice lowered then, “And I know he misses me too. He has to whether he likes it or not.”

“But you want him to do it on his own.”

You nodded, ashamed, as you felt her bright eyes on the side of your face.

“I don’t influence or manipulate what people think or feel, (Name),” she explained, resting a warm hand on your thigh in attempts to comfort you. “I only match people who will feel things similarly. That’s the gift I’ve given you and Diego, I’m sorry you haven’t been able to see it like that.”

That wasn’t comforting at all. Not now. If she had said it earlier... meh, it wouldn’t have worked. She knew you well, it seemed.

Turns out you weren’t as closed off as you liked to think.

Asha grabbed your hand, standing up as she looked at you with those big eyes of hers. They shone with determination, and for the first time since you befriended her, you felt a little scared of what she would do.

But you trusted her. Standing up, you made sure your cellphone was in your pocket and allowed her to drag you wherever she wanted to take you.

Asha made a few stops. You saw her use her powers on two gals who were clearly on a friend-date at a restaurant. According to Asha, they both were scared of telling the other how they felt. Childhood friends, she explained.

The other stop was at a coffee shop where she ordered one of those extremely sweet frappes. She made you taste it, and although you weren’t a fan and would never order something like that, you had to admit you were starting to see the appeal.

But the third stop... oh, boy, that one was unexpected. You stared up at the gymnasium’s sign, confused and a little bit offended.

“Are you implying I should start working out?”

Asha snickered. “I’m strongly suggesting you should talk to Diego.”

Right, he worked at a gym — how could you have forgotten? Scratch the unexpected part, this was the most Asha thing ever.

The place was busy with people from all genders, some of them were taking laps and others were training on the rings.

“Okay, (Name),” you whispered to yourself, “you can do this. How hard can it be?”

Too hard. The closer you got to where he was standing, the hardest you found it. Embarrassing yourself had never been something you had been through, ignoring people for decades had given you a lot of advantages and that had been your personal favorite.

You turned on your heels, determined to leave and never come back. This was such a bad idea! You were in his territory, vulnerable, and only accompanied by his sister who would probably be on his side.

“Can I help you?”

You jumped, immediately turning around. Fuck. Your throat locked up. Diego nodded upward, encouraging you to speak. He looked good, wearing a pair of sweatpants and a tank top — all black as he usually did.

You couldn’t look at him in the eyes as you examined the place, looking for Asha. It didn’t look like a place where she would enjoy herself, but no one ever knew with her; she was full of surprises.

“She left already,” Diego deadpanned.

Your mouth hung open. You weren’t really surprised, but words weren’t willing to come out. This was the first time you had tried to articulate a meaningful apology.

The fake ones were so easy! You were even able to get poetic with those, making promises you didn’t intend to keep to people you weren’t going to see ever again because there had never been a reason to stay.

“You didn’t go to the market yesterday.” He tried to say it casually.

“I went to visit my mom.”

“Oh, I see tolerance is going well.”

You huffed a laugh. “Something like that. Not much luck with my stepbrother yet, though.”

“At least you’re trying.”

“I should be more open, I suppose.”

“Yeah.”

You allowed silence to settle. You needed it to, it had been your best friend for so long that you didn’t know how to cope without its looming presence.

You were nervous, this was your only chance to apologize. What if he didn’t accept the apology?

“I’m sorry, Diego,” you mumbled, “I didn’t want things to go this way.”

“You didn’t want things to go at all.”

“Why would I?” You didn’t want to fight him, but you were desperate for him to see things from your perspective.

“There are a lot of reasons. I don’t think people can be happy completely alone.”

“Okay, you’re right, but you wanted me to jump into something more. Such a big leap when I’ve been living and doing most things on my own since I was 19 is scary.”

“Want,” he corrected you.

You both stood with your backs against the wall, watching the people training as they threw punches. He crossed his arms, focused on the youngest of the trainees.

You turned to look at him. “I know Asha can’t undo the bond, but you don’t need this type of connection to date someone.”

“Maybe that’s why it never worked.” Diego shrugged, sticking his bottom lip out. “I like how this feels. He added, “When you’re not turning me down.”

“So never?” you joked.

Diego chuckled, eyes still on the young trainee. He looked like a teen, no older than 15. “When we talk like this. Or when you empty your freezer to treat my swollen face...”

“Oh, so you only like me for my frozen veggies.”

“God, I wish.” Diego placed his hand on your shoulder, “Give me a moment. Don’t go!”

Nodding, you watched him approach the teen. They exchanged a few words — well, Diego seemed to be questioning the poor boy who only gave short verbal answers or moved his head to reply.

Diego threw his arm around the teen, pulling him close into a half-hug. Both got closer to you as Diego guided the teen towards the exit, still chatting.

“Thank you, Diego,” the teen said with a nod as Diego withdrew his arm from his shoulders. “Good night, Ms,” he acknowledged you.

“Good night,” you answered politely.

Diego smiled, huffing through his nose.

“Has he been training here for a while?” you asked once the young trainee had left.

Standing closer to you now, he told you more about the teen, “Brandon started last month. He’s a good kid. Stubborn, but his heart is in the right place.”

“Like you?”

Diego lifted his eyebrows, unable to hide his smile. “Did you just compliment me?”

“What would you do if I said yes?”

“You won’t like my answer.”

You bit your bottom lip. “Try me.”

He freed your lip from your teeth with his thumb, caressing it. “Don’t tempt me, baby.”

Your face heated up. God, the things Diego was doing to you...

Grinning, he bopped your nose. “You are adorable.”

“I am not trying to be adorable,” you said, scrunching your nose.

“That’s part of the charm.” He looked up, checking the time on the clock above you. “I’m technically free in less than an hour.”

“Don’t you have other things to do?”

Diego wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Rolling your eyes, you hit him on the shoulder with your fist. “The other things!”

“Oh, yeah.” He rubbed his shoulder even though you hadn’t hit him hard. “I can do them even later.”

“We can talk even later,” you tried to reason with him.

He tutted. “I know you, and you’ll find an excuse.”

You didn’t understand what Diego had done to you, or how Asha’s powers really worked, but you were willing to compromise, to show him you wanted to talk to him and fix things.

So accompanied by a sigh, you made a gesture with your hands, indicating that you would wait for him to be done.

You had never been so eager to spend time with someone, not even as a child when your neighbor would come over for a play date.

Diego casually offered his hand to you, patiently waiting for you to either take it or reject him.

Unsure, you inched your hand closer to his. He gazed down, taking the trajectory of your hand in. Sighing contently when your palm finally rested against his, he wiggled your fingers open.

His fingers fit between yours perfectly, his palm was warm and calloused, slightly scarred. Suddenly Asha’s judgment didn’t sound too bad.

Swinging your clasped hands, Diego asked more about what you had done the past week. You kept to yourself the part about missing him, but shared everything else — including that horrible fight with your dad, and the movie Asha made you see at a midnight screening.

He told you about his apartment-hunting journey and how tedious it was. You recalled his offhand comment about wanting to move out of the boiler room, so you kept to yourself the fact that he would need another job to be able to afford it.

Ruining the night was the last thing you wanted to do.

Dropping the keys onto the coffee table, you walked directly into the kitchen. He followed you, turning the lights on.

Diego opened your fridge to take a drink out and chuckled happily. “Aww, you bought my favorite beer even though we were mad at each other.”

You stood behind him, reaching for the jug of water as you corrected him, “I wasn’t mad.”

“Well, I was.”

“Not anymore?”

“Nope.”

You smiled to yourself, pouring water into a glass. He grabbed the jug from your grasp, storing it in the fridge for you.

Mirroring your smile —outshining it in your opinion— he said, “You’re so beautiful.”

“You’re flirty today.”

“I wasn’t flirting.” Diego feigned offense.

Frowning, you picked your glass and took a gulp of water. Asha tired you out earlier by dragging you all over town, but compared with how disappointing hearing him say that was, the tiredness was fine.

Placing the bottle on the counter, he clarified, “I meant that I was only stating the obvious.”

You put the glass down. “I am not used to this, sorry.”

He rested his hands on your arms. “It’s okay. I just want to know something...”

You hummed. “Anything.”

“What made you change your mind?”

You fiddled with the unbuttoned shirt he had thrown on top of his tank top. “I can’t sleep when you don’t visit.”

“That can’t be it.”

You conceded, “It’s not everything, but it sums it all up.”

“How slow do you want to go?”

You shrugged. “Do I look like I have a clue?”

“No,” he laughed. Diego inched a hand up to your neck, thumb rubbing your cheek. “Can I kiss you? I promise you can push me off you whenever you want, I won’t get mad.”

“Okay.”

Softly, he pressed his lips against yours. The slow kiss was a nice change from what you had experienced in the past, Diego wasn’t kissing you to get something more out of you or to forget about somebody else — Diego was kissing you because he wanted to do it, because he wanted you.

You pulled him closer, gripping the collar of his shirt. He smiled into the kiss, dropping his other hand to your waist.

Having Diego this close was everything but a waste of time, you decided, kissing him harder as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

#diego hargreeves x reader #diego hargreeves x plus size reader #plus size reader #plus size fanfiction #diego hargreeves #the umbrella academy #tua #the umbrella academy x reader #the umbrella academy x plus size reader #tua x reader #tua x plus size reader

[toho-literature]

Curiosities of Lotus Asia - Chapter 8

Chapter 8: Summer Rainy Hall - Part 1

With its strong sunlight and blue skies, the peak of summer has come to Gensokyo. However, the area around Kourindou alone has forgotten that the rainy season has ended, and the strange downpour continues... The first half of Chapter 5, about an unusual weather phenomenon, of an original story based on the "Touhou" series!

Summer Rainy Hall (First Half)

Once a year, the humid Japanesque rainy season comes to a close, and Kourindou is allowed to bathe in intense sunlight again.

The rainy season promotes the spread of mildew which damages books and tools, causing no end to the troubles of my antique shop. That melancholic time of year has finally announced its end.

...However, my worries have not yet cleared up.

It's not that I especially dislike the summer sunlight. The strong sunbeams make the shop's interior darker; possibly because of the angle. The contrast of the darkness of the shop and the brightness outside the window really makes it feel like summer. I like both the darkness and brightness.

However, this summer is different. The strength of the sunbeams prove, without a doubt, that midsummer has arrived. But more light than necessary is shining in through the window... It's as if the shop were standing next to a body of water, with the reflected light illuminating the interior. This absurd brightness doesn't feel like summer. For some reason, it seems this type of weather is only occurring around my shop. What's more, it's been like this for three days now.

Unfortunately, investigating "incidents" like this is not my specialty. Usually, even in the slightest occurrence of an incident, there would be people around to solve it for me immediately. Except... as it seems that only the area around my shop has been affected for one reason or another, it looks like she hasn't noticed yet. But going to request an investigation in the middle of this kind of weather is troublesome...

Well, knowing her, she's bound to show up even if I leave her alone. She always comes when it doesn't matter, or when it does matter. I don't know if that's a help or a hindrance...

―――Knock, knock.

“Hey! Why's the rain only falling around your shop!”

See? There she is. The incident specialist I mentioned. “Well, if it isn't Reimu.”

“You came just at the right-” is what I was about to say, but for now I'll see how things will turn out with Investigative Specialist Reimu. She might know something about this incident.

“Of course it's me. Jeez, don't you even know what state your own store is in?”

Though the rainy season is over, the rainfall continued to fall with no sign of stopping. It is indeed a strange occurrence. Not a cloud can be seen in the endless blue sky, yet this phenomenon is solely located in the vicinity of my shop. However, for the time being, I've decided to pretend to ignore it.

“What kind of state are you talking about?”

“I'm shocked. Don't you go outside at all? It's raining so hard around your shop you can't even see outside. And there aren't even any clouds... From a distance, it looks like there's a white blanket covering just this area. You're not running any weird experiments again, are you?”

“Ah, so it really was just around the shop.”

Well, I knew that.

"What are you scheming?"

“Nothing at all, Reimu.”

“Even so, this is quite the fox's wedding you have here. It doesn't look like this is your average fox.”

It doesn't seem that Reimu has any information about this either. Perhaps I should devise a way to get her interested in an investigation. I handed a towel over to Reimu and told her to dry her dripping clothes with it.

“Anyhow, it sounds like you had it tough back then.”

“What do you mean 'back then'...? I always have it tough, so I don't quite remember.”

“It was snowing until just before the rainy season started. Weren't you the one who solved that problem, Reimu?”

“Oh, that? It wasn't a big deal. I've had far worse run-ins, and those weren't even that big either, I guess.”

“I'm not sure if that means you are having it tough or not.”

“It's the same as always. If anything, things will get tougher if I leave them alone. If spring hadn't arrived, it would be trouble so that problem had to be taken care of. If the mist didn't clear up, it would be trouble so that also had to be... Wait, so that means you're in trouble, right?

“It seems like you understand perfectly. Yes, I'm in trouble.”

“You should have said so in the first place! I guess I have no choice. I'll investigate this fox's wedding for you.”

Reimu seems to be having fun. However anyone looks at it, it doesn't look like she has it tough. Rather than solving it because I'll be in trouble, she looks nothing else but thrilled at the thought of flying headlong into strange happenings.

“Sorry, but I have some other business I need to take care of. I'm worried as to what I should do about them.”

I don't really have any particular things to do. You can clearly see that I'm unoccupied, but this kind of incident is outside my field of knowledge.

“Well, whatever. My clothes are soaking wet anyway, and it won't make a big difference if I go out in the rain again... You should take care of your "business" and stay here. Though I think this kind of minor problem can be squared away in no time.”

Upon saying that, Reimu left the shop in high spirits. She took up my request, as expected. But thinking about it very carefully, I realized that Reimu came for no particular reason. Actually, maybe she had every intention of solving this incident all along.

I came to this conclusion from the mostly dry towel I had handed to Reimu. She hadn't used it. It looked like she entered while planning to go right back out again. Or maybe she didn't care whether she was soaking wet or not.

If I leave things to Reimu, after a few hours the crisp summer sunlight will shine down upon the shop, and the shop's interior will once more regain its summer darkness. Once she sets to work, the usual incident will be resolved in two to three hours, up to half a day and at the very most a day. That's the standard.

I wondered if I should make some fresh green tea and read a book. I can leave the rest until later. The pleasant smell of tea makes you forget the passing of time. Though if Reimu were to see me like this while she is working hard, she might become angry...

But even if Reimu didn't seem to know the reason behind this fox's wedding, I think I have an idea. I never thought it would be possible, but... if it is what I think it is, it's an omen. If I wait a short while, things will return to normal, so perhaps this is something that can only be handled by Reimu's emergency procedures. Besides, it would've been dangerous to tell anyone else. I especially couldn't tell Marisa.

―――Boom! Craaaaack...

It happened in an instant. The shop's interior lit up with a blue-white light so bright that I couldn't even read my book, and then along with the exterior, darkened the next moment. Soon, the rain became heavier, the sky that should have been clear darkened, and the distant scenery became obscured.

I was expecting the strong sunlight of summer, so was honestly shocked by the sudden thunderstorm. To think that there could be thunder while the skies are clear... Although I suppose even in fine weather, it can start raining anyway.

The sudden heavy rain made me worry a little about Reimu, but it was her idle complaints after she solved the matter that really worried me. She'll fix the problem eventually, but clearly I had not predicted the pouring rain. I should probably prepare a change of clothes for her. If anything, her mood is the bigger problem here.

I approached the window and took a look outside to see what the conditions were like, but I couldn't see Reimu at all. The rain just kept getting stronger, like it was trying to drain the color from the world. The outlines of the forest and the mountains gradually began to fade, finally becoming a world of dark grey. The only thing I could hear was the sound of the rain striking the roof.

At that point, I saw a human run past the shop. A figure that, like the current surroundings, possessed no color. It was white and black; a monotone shadow.

#touhou cola #curiosities of lotus asia #touhou #touhou project #project shrine maiden

[thisizaraisu]

Fall 2020 Superlatives

I definitely turned this season into a massive undertaking. After graduating college, I found a lot of free time on my hands, and in a season with 38 brand-new shows there were a good number of them that appealed to me. I started with 18 series on my docket and only ended up watching 11 of them the whole way through. Still, I ended up with plenty of options for this season’s Superlatives, so enjoy my terrible opinions as I hand out these awards.

Best OP

Most of the shows this season had OPs that were at least passable, but there were only a small handful that I felt were remarkable in any sense. In terms of visuals and tone-setting I think I Believe What You Said from Higurashi NEW is phenomenal, but there’s one thing that’s really holding it back and that’s the facial animations because they are REALLY bad. Literature from Majo no Tabitabi is also great from a visual standpoint but the song isn’t quite as breathtaking as the landscapes. There is ONE OP this season, however, that hit all the right notes... no pun intended.

Winner: “Dying Wish” - Moriarty the Patriot

Dying Wish immediately establishes Moriarty the Patriot as something special. It’s gritty and sinister, and the visuals reflect this tone perfectly. The ominous London backdrop complimented by the intense chorus and strings sent chills down my spine the first time I saw it. There’s knife fights, gun fights, Moriarty jumps off Big Ben and points a gun at his own head, it’s a great 90 second sequence that manages to be more tense than Higurashi NEW’s OP in part because of how grounded it is. This is one of those OPs that I just love everything about, and I had a strong feeling this would be my pick for Fall 2020′s best OP right after my first viewing.

Honorable Mentions: -”I Believe What You Said” - Higurashi NEW -”Higher’s High” - Warlords of Sigrdrifa -”Literature” - Majo no Tabitabi -”Needleknot” - Ikebukuro West Gate Park -”Kaikai Kitan” - Jujutsu Kaisen

Best ED

Winner: “Lost in Paradise” - Jujutsu Kaisen

Yeah I’m not even gonna bother with any build-up here. I mean, what else could it possibly be? Lost in Paradise is one of the greatest visual and auditory treats that I’ve ever seen not just in an anime, but in any form of media, and I can easily call it my favorite anime song of all time. Its visual style is just as fun as the song itself, it’s jazzy and upbeat and hits you with that perfect feeling of whiplash immediately after a tense conclusion to most episodes, setting things up perfectly for Juju Stroll. It’s just a perfect sequence in every sense of the word.

Honorable Mentions: -”Sayonara Namida” - Warlords of Sigrdrifa (Seriously in any other season this would have been an easy winner) -”Etoile” - Noblesse

Worst OP

This is an award that I probably won’t be handing out too often. Even the shows that I found more mediocre this season like Ikebukuro West Gate Park or Kuma Kuma Kuma Bear have really good OPs. That said, if you’ve been following the blog you know there’s one OP from this season that I absolutely detest.

Winner: “STEAL!!” - Akudama Drive

I love Akudama Drive, I think it’s a stylistically brilliant show with great fights and characters, as well as one of the most satisfying conclusions a single-season anime original could possibly offer. That being said, HOLY FUCK is this song terrible. Seriously, you have to actively TRY to make a song this bad. It’s essentially just the words “KISS ME” looped over and over, with constantly varying tempos and no effort to hit the right notes. It’s a shame too because like the rest of the show, the visuals are really cool, but it’s held back so much by just how god-awful the vocals are. My least favorite moment in the entire show is the bit towards the end of the finale where they play the OP in the background during the chase scene because I had to mute a goddamn chase scene. There aren’t many shows where I’ll always skip the OP no matter what mood I’m in, but Akudama Drive is definitely one of them. STEAL!! is ear-bleeding garbage and the one positive about Akudama Drive coming to a close is that I’ll never have to subject my ears to the screeching of KISS ME KISS ME KISS ME ever again.

Most Pleasant Surprise

I was going to make this a tie between two series originally, but as it turns out, they have a very common trait between them. What do I mean, you may ask?

Winner: A-1 Pictures

A-1 Pictures hit me with two shows this season that I absolutely love: Hypnosis Mic and Warlords of Sigrdrifa. Going into Fall 2020 and poring through every synopsis to see what shows would interest me, both of these were the two shows that really had me going back and forth, internally debating whether or not I should watch them. In the end, I decided to take a chance on them, thinking that if I didn’t enjoy them all that much I could say I tried and move on. What I ended up with were two of my top 5 shows this season, and shows that I would unironically give an 8/10 to. Hypnosis Mic was just a TON of fun to watch every week with stunningly well-implemented CG animation, diverse characters, great music and a lot of personality. Sigrdrifa is a much more serious, emotionally-charged series that baits you in with promises of cute anime girls only to expertly deliver themes of coping with failure and discovering who your true family is. A-1 Pictures absolutely KILLED it for me this season, and I’ll definitely be keeping an eye on their works for Winter 2021 in the hopes of finding another set of hidden gems.

Also the Sigrdrifa dub is pretty damn good too.

Biggest Disappointment

There were two strong contenders for this award, so I really had to sit and ask myself: which one gave me less to enjoy than the other? In the end the conclusion I reached was about what I expected.

Winner: Burn the Witch

I’ve already talked at-length about why I absolutely hate Burn the Witch. It’s a terrible excuse for a movie that’s completely dedicated to the idea of doing nothing with its characters (except Balgo who is the worst character I’ve seen in an anime), with an insultingly bad conclusion and the animation being the only PASSABLE aspect of it all. Even after dropping 7 shows this season, the only competition Burn the Witch really had was Kuma Kuma Kuma Bear, but at the end of the day my disappointment with that show was based on my personal expectations (and love of BOFURI) vs reality. Burn the Witch is terrible on its own, and is completely deserving of this distinction.

Best Character

Winner: Satoru Gojo - Jujutsu Kaisen

I’ll be blunt, I don’t watch many shonen anime, so for me to really get into a shonen series, it needs a strong selling point. Obviously the shonen I have the most experience with is JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, and the selling point for that series was honestly the memes. Jujutsu Kaisen, on the other hand, had me sold on the strength of its characters. Itadori is a great lead, but Gojo stands tall above the rest. Jujutsu Kaisen perfectly balances his overpowered nature with his fantastic comedic relief potential, and I love every scene he’s in whether it’s a fight or a joke. I’m definitely excited to see what Gojo has to offer in Jujutsu Kaisen’s 11 remaining episodes.

Honorable mentions: -Syalis - Maoujou de Oyasumi -Swindler - Akudama Drive -Sonoka - Warlords of Sigrdrifa -Ramuda - Hypnosis Mic

Worst Character

Winner: Balgo - Burn the Witch

I HATE YOU. Not even gonna waste any more time on this one.

Honorable mentions: -Shimamura - Adachi and Shimamura

Best Scene

Winner: Brawler vs Executioner (Akudama Drive, episode 6)

HOW DO YOU CHOREOGRAPH A FIGHT THIS PERFECT? IN AN ANIME-ORIGINAL SERIES, NO LESS???

Everything about this fight is objectively perfect. The innovative uses of the setting, the incredible rain effects, the weight behind every punch, the emotional climax, every second, every blow, is just jaw-dropping perfection. The fact that there was no source material behind this scene to make it such a perfect sequence is baffling to me, and it was the scene that cemented Akudama Drive as something truly special to me.

Best Episode

Winner: A Deep Sorrow from the Past (Majo no Tabitabi)

Majo no Tabitabi has three episodes alone that were in contention for this award, but in the end, A Deep Sorrow from the Past hits harder than any other episode this season (figuratively not literally, read the paragraph above for the episode that literally hits hardest). For an episodic and often comedic show like Majo no Tabitabi to so perfectly present an emotional, legitimately horrifying story of betrayal, I was totally blindsided. There were many good episodes this season and I’m definitely gonna have a few honorable mentions here, but this still feels like an obvious award to give.

Honorable mentions: -”The Princess Without Subjects” - Majo no Tabitabi -”The Two Apprentices” - Majo no Tabitabi -”Tateyama Castle Swimsuit Skirmish!” - Warlords of Sigrdrifa -”BROTHER” - Akudama Drive -”Marriage” - Tonikaku Kawaii

Worst Episode

This award would be too easy to give to a show that I’ve dropped, so I’m going to set a rule right here and now, I can only give this award to a show I’ve watched all the way through.

Winner: The Day of Battling Tiles (The Day I Became a God)

Say what you will about The Day I Became a God, I definitely found it enjoyable for the most part and even found the ending to be rather satisfying. Episode 4, however, was definitely the biggest roadblock. Like most Jun Maeda shows, the comedy in the show’s opening half was rather stellar, but The Day of Battling Tiles didn’t make me laugh so much as scratch my head and wonder “What the hell were they thinking?” Like I don’t even hate Tengan but I just didn’t find the idea of a newswoman getting turned on by a minor because he made up some shit about mahjong that funny, and it isn’t even the moral aspect that bothers me so much as just how uncomfortable the whole thing feels as it drags on. Also I can’t decide if I’d like or dislike this episode more if I actually knew anything about Mahjong.

Anime of the Season

There were some phenomenal shows this season. Jujutsu Kaisen, Sigrdrifa, Hypnosis Mic, Moriarty and Tonikawa are all shows that are going to hold a place in my heart going forward, but you know damn well that there’s one that stands above the rest.

Winner: Akudama Drive

Akudama Drive is the best anime that I’ve actually watched on a weekly basis. I know I just talked shit about the OP but it’s literally the only thing I dislike about this show. Akudama Drive is the Suicide Squad premise done as right as possible, the cyberpunk aesthetic is incredible, the action is expertly choreographed with Brawler vs Executioner being the greatest fight I’ve seen in anime, the story is full of wild dystopian twists and turns while still making some sense in context, the characters are irredeemable as they should be, and the conclusion is satisfying to a degree that I did not anticipate. There’s seriously almost nothing to dislike here, and honestly I was ready to hand this award out by the end of episode 6. Thank you Studio Pierrot for this absolute gem of a show.

#anime #anime review #awards #fall 2020 #Seasonal anime