#maybe there are some suppressed emotions that are inside me and want the get and choose my only weak point

[spacebarbarianweird]

Instinct

Synopsis: Astarion and Tiriel have a very busy night after a battle and have to deal with unexpected consequences.

Tags: smut, breeding, hurt/comfort, some emotional angst It's not exactly a breeding fic since neither Astarion nor Tiriel planned to have a child, but the shameless smut ended with unplanned pregnancy. And now they have to deal with what comes next. Bonus: you will learn why Astarion calls Alethaine 'princess'

Thanks @themadlu for beta-reading!

Read on AO3

Masterlist

Headcanons

Tiriel won’t let them take her home from her.

She has never had one. Always a stranger, always a wanderer, but Daggerlake became her home. A place that welcomed both her and Astarion, thanking them for saving the townsfolk from a nasty fey pact.

Ever since then, Tiriel belongs – she has had a roof above her head and friends among the townsfolk. And even Astarion can relax because the town has a vast underground part where he is safe in the shadows without having to hide.

And those bandits decided they could take it away from Tiriel?

They should have thought better!

Tiriel steps over a dead body. The fight is over and so is her rage. She single-handedly finished off a dozen of these men and women who didn’t know who their enemy was. 

But her body wishes for more – more fight, more blood, more rage.

She looks around trying to see Astarion, but he is nowhere to be seen. It’s night and Astarion rushed to the surface part of the town letting the people of Daggerlake protect their homes and families while he, a full-fledged vampire, was going to show those bandits they had chosen the wrong town to attack.

Suddenly, someone grabs the fistful of her hair forcing her to gasp.

“Astarion?”

She looks at him and innate fear pierces her. They've been together for twenty years, but Tiriel hardly remembers him looking like this.

He looks like a vampire.

Like a vampire on a hunt.

His eyes glow red, and his clothes are soaked in blood. His skin feels feverish and his pupils are dilated. 

Tiriel knows it’s him but she also can’t suppress her fear. He is a predator, a hunter, a vampire. Should he be her enemy, she won’t be able to protect herself.

He pulls her closer and kisses her. Tiriel feels the blood of a dozen dead enemies on his lips. His strong hands squeeze her and she knows he will fuck her right here among the dead bodies in the streets of their hometown if she allows it.

Tiriel answers him with the same passion – he wants to be a dangerous vampire? Good to know – because she can be a wild warrior girl who takes what she desires.

But Astarion isn't in the mood for being dominated, and he drags Tiriel back to their home – anyone who would see them right now would think this an assault, not a prelude to lovemaking.

Astarion pushes Tiriel behind the gate. As he closes it, Tiriel gets a sudden idea.

If he wants to be a predator tonight, she should let him play till the end.

She drops her ax on the ground and rushes inside the house – there aren't many places to hide but she is going to let him chase her. And maybe fight a bit. 

“And where do you think you are going?” He growls. His voice sounds different and even scary. Nothing more intimidating than a blood-drunk vampire.

“Such a terrifying vampire needs to hunt his prey,” Tiriel laughs.

“Don’t tease me, wild girl!”

She rushes to their bedroom, but before she even manages to think about her next move Astarion jumps on her from the ceiling, pinning her to the floor.

And then he starts ripping her clothes off.

Tiriel roars and pushes Astarion with all her remaining strength. He pulls away but only for a moment before sinking his fangs in her neck. She gasps from the sudden pain but still tries to knock him down.

With every moment her movements become weaker and she finally stops resisting letting Astarion ravish her body.

He pulls away studying her face. 

“On your knees.”

Tiriel abides. Her shirt is ripped and shows off her breasts.

“Good girl,” he mutters, getting rid of his own clothes. His cock is painfully hard and Tiriel cannot think about anything but having it inside her.

He approaches her, tugs her by her shirt’s collar, and pushes her to the bed. He tears the rest of her clothes off and bites her again.

Tiriel’s world shrinks to these two things – pleasure and pain.

Astarion doesn’t waste any time and penetrates Tiriel, causing her to yelp.

His thrusts are rough and so are his touches. 

Tiriel, drunk with her own rage, keeps fighting back – she scratches his skin, tugs his hair, tries to push him as if he was assaulting her and every one of her movements makes Astarion wilder, rougher, scarier.

She manages to get away from under him, but he immediately presses her chest-down into the bed. Now, he fucks her from behind placing his blood-hot palm on her back.

Slap.

His palm leaves a red print on her butt and Tiriel gasps.

“Astarion-” Tiriel mewls as he leans to wrap his hands around her chest. He pierces her shoulder and keeps moving roughly.

He comes with a guttural groan and kisses Tiriel so intensely she is afraid to suffocate.

And instead of pulling away, he proceeds to fuck her again.

This time, he is very gentle and his eyes don’t glow anymore. 

“Astarion!” she gasps when he bites her breasts. 

“Delicious,” he mutters, licking the droplets of blood from her sensitive skin.

His second orgasm comes simultaneously with hers and she clenches around him forcing Astarion to stay inside her. 

Astarion sees it as permission for the third round. He sits up and places her hips on his lap. 

She squirms riding her orgasm and cries out something incoherent, but it seems like Astarion isn’t going to stop any time soon.

Tiriel has a weird feeling his heart is beating.

“Such a good girl,” he hisses. “And all mine.”

“All yours.”

Astarion moans in her ear and she feels his seed leaking down her sore thighs once again.

As it happens, Tiriel feels the world fading away, and the last thing she sees is Astarion’s red eyes.

**

When Tiriel wakes up, her body is sore and her skin feels disgusting. The mess between her legs has caked and the bite marks all over her body itch.

She gets up and gasps with a sudden pain – her body is covered in bruises, and she doesn't know which of them are from her enemies and which are from her lover.

Probably teasing Astarion was a bad idea.

She needs to bathe.

Tiriel puts her legs on the floor and notices her clothes folded up carefully. 

And repaired.

She smiles at the thought that all these hours of her sleep Astarion was right there sewing and watching her. He loves watching her sleep. When she asked him about this habit before, he confessed that he didn’t see a point in looking at anything else but her. 

Tiriel opens the door of the bathroom – Astarion sits in the hot water with a book he puts down the second she enters.

“Careful, darling, entering like that. I might want another round.”

“I can barely walk. Spare me, my lord.”

Astarion chuckles and tugs Tiriel into the bathtub.

“How much did I sleep?”

“Almost a day.”

Tiriel sits beside him and Astarion places his head on her chest.

“You know, everyone would think we should be less passionate two decades into our relationship.”

Astarion kisses her shoulder. “You are not getting any colder.”

“Oh no, you love me only for my body warmth! And what if some vampire turns me into an undead?”

Astarion doesn't answer immediately. A decade ago this joke would offend him so much he wouldn’t have talked to her for the whole day – but the nightmares and terrors of his past life have been left behind.

“Then we would lie in each other arms in front of a fireplace, forever young, forever beautiful”

She caresses his ears and he nuzzles her collarbone. 

Then Tiriel looks into the water.

“How much did you drink yesterday?”

“A lot.”

Tiriel sighs and straddles his lap, feeling his hardness between her legs. Astarion doesn’t hesitate – a second later, she is already rolling her hips as his cold cock gets warmer inside of her.

“You know… You feel much better… when you are like that,” she admits. “Cold, no heartbeat. That’s more to my liking.”

**

Tiriel feels awful. It seems like her own body is revolting against her.

“Go to see the healer,” Astarion asks. “Tiriel, honestly, if you don't go yourself, I will drag you there.”

“Tyrant.”

“And you behave like a child! Gods, sometimes I forget I am 200 years older than you!”

Tiriel looks at him and frowns. “You are not.”

“Tiriel, you are my sunshine and my love, but your lack of cognitive abilities is beyond me. How old were you when we met?”

“Thirty-six.”

“Good. By that time, I had been enslaved for 200 years and I was turned at 39. I am more than two centuries older than you.”

Tiriel wants to say something, but she vomits again.

“I'm just sick! Aaah!”

Astarion pulls her up and slings her on his shoulder as if she were his war bounty.

Despite all her efforts, she can’t free herself and accepts her fate. Thankfully, it's rather late and most of the townsfolk are asleep, though she notices a jealous look from a baker.

“Put me on the ground.”

“Let them see what real relationships look like. You know that the blacksmith’s daughters asked me where they can find vampires like me?”

“Hope you didn't send them to the Underdark?”

“I told them I am one of a kind,” Astarion slaps her butt. “But we need to remind these people who we are.”

Astarion stays outside as Tiriel enters the healer’s hut – its owner, a halfling woman, looks at her with annoyance.

“What happened, Tiriel?”

“I am fine!  My husband forced me to visit you.” Tiriel describes the symptoms. “I think I got food poisoning.”

“Food poisoning… Tell me, Tiriel, when was the last time you bled?”

Tiriel ponders. Her cycle has always been irregular –- a common thing among half-elfs. Humans are the most fertile race in Faerun, whilst elves are known to see their rare children as gifts from gods. So, Tiriel’s rare menstruations are unexpected obstacles, not something she should endure once a month. 

And besides, she sleeps with an elf AND a vampire. 

“I don’t remember. Maybe last winter.”

The healer hands her a tiny bundle of herbs. “Chew it. But don’t eat.”

The taste is so gross that Tiriel almost vomits again. She spews it on the floor - and the herb slowly changes its color to black.

“What’s the fuck is that?”

“Tastes like bile, doesn’t it? Oh, why do I have to go through all of this… I knew it couldn’t end well when we invited you two to stay here. You are pregnant.”

“I am… what?”

“You are pregnant, Tiriel.”

“With all due respect – my husband is a fucking vampire! I think his ability to fuck a child into anyone went to the grave along with his breathing, heart beating, and food preferences!”

“I am sure I’ve heard of half-vampires. Now go! I have more urgent patients to take care of. You know, it was a bad idea to use the innkeeper like a battering ram!”

Tiriel leaves the hut feeling as if she was just hit with something heavy.

“Tiriel?” Astarion looks worriedly. “What did she say?”

Tiriel is so scared she wants to cry. There is something inside her, something alive and growing – she can think of her husband as an elf all she wants, but right now she carries something half-dead inside her. Something unnatural. Something… that belongs to the shadows more than to the realm of mortals.

“My sweet, what is it?” Astarion demands. “What happened?”

And Tiriel confesses.

“Maybe… is it a mistake? She could have made a mistake! Gods! No, it can’t be…” He panics.

“Too much blood,” Tiriel says.

“Excuse me?”

“You’ve drunk too much, remember? I could hear your heartbeat. You were almost alive…. And I…” Tiriel hesitates. “I have my period once a year. It probably was the day when I could conceive.”

Astarion shakes his head. He gets anxious. Scared. She knows this face too well.

“Astarion!” She tries to grab his hand, but the vampire is too fast. In a moment, he disappears in the tunnels. “Astarion!”

Tiriel stays alone in the streets. She sniffs and returns back home, so quiet and silent.

She can’t imagine Astarion leaving her, but she also can’t imagine herself pregnant. 

Maybe he is right, the healer could have been mistaken. She needs to wait. Yes, Tiriel needs to wait.

Astarion doesn’t return in the morning. He doesn’t return the next day. Tiriel feels terrible – she can barely eat or walk. The very thought of going after her husband feels exhausting – she just wants to lie in her bed without making any coherent movement.

She also constantly cries – Tiriel tries to justify it with the feeling of loneliness, but deep inside she knows the answer.

These are the mood swings a pregnant woman endures. 

**

Astarion has never felt so shitty and pathetic in the last twenty years.

He despises himself for his fear and doubts.

His nature demands him to run. To leave and never return. Whatever Tiriel has inside, he can’t deal with it. He can’t be a parent. He doesn't want to become one.

Two centuries of enslavement – only twenty years of freedom. And now what? Will he be stuck raising a child? Which might be born so deranged and ugly it will be barely a sentient being.

He can run. He can disappear and leave Tiriel. She is a beautiful brave woman, the moment the townsfolk realize Astarion is gone there will be a line of men and women courting her.

Even with a monster child.

He walks through Secomber, a sleepy town on the border between the Sword Coast and the High Wood. It took him two days to get here and now he tries to make up his mind.

And what if it’s not his? Tiriel is so loyal and loving, but what if she wanted someone warm, someone who didn’t drink her blood? She could have gotten drunk and picked a man for a one-night stand.

No, it’s not like her.

Astarion is just a pathetic coward who can’t bear responsibility. 

He has to come back. He can’t abandon the only person he ever truly loved and who never abandoned him even in his darkest hours.

But he is still afraid. He is paralyzed.

Suddenly he hears a loud cry.

He turns around and sees a human girl, maybe four or five (he still has issues with understanding human age, always assuming someone is younger than they are). She sits on the side of the road, her dress, a tiny copy of an adult one, is dirty, and her knee is bruised. The girl sobs as tears flow down her cheeks.

A weird feeling stirs in Astarion’s undead heart. A desire to console this child, to do something to stop her from crying. She is so vulnerable, so scared… and where the fuck are her parents, or whoever is responsible?!

The door to the tavern opens and a young man rushes to the girl.

“Daddy, I’ve fallen down… and…” She cries, wrapping her hands around his neck.

“That’s all, right, princess,” he answers, stroking her back. Suddenly the man turns around and notices Astarion. “Are you looking for something?”

“What? No, I just heard the cries.”

“Well, she cries so loud she can be heard in Daggerlake. If you need a room, there is another inn on the western side of the town. We are out of beds today.”

Astarion shakes his head. No. He is going back. The sunrise will meet him in the woods and he will hide in a cave. He will be back to Tiriel in two days, begging her to forgive him.

Because he can’t live without her. And he…he wants to experience what is coming next.

“Princess… An interesting pet name,” Astarion chuckles. The girl has already stopped crying and now she watches the vampire with curiosity.

“Yeah, we are far from nobles,” the innkeeper smiles. “But she is my only daughter and who are girls to their fathers if not princesses?” with these words he kisses the girl’s forehead and enters the inn, closing the door.

**

Astarion walks inside the house. Tiriel is fast asleep, he can hear her breathing. The kitchen is messy – it seems like his half-elf wife was hungry all these days but didn’t have any strength to clean the mess.

Astarion comes to the bedroom and lies beside her. Tiriel opens her eyes and touches his cheek with tender fingers.

“I knew you would be back.”

“I am sorry. I was scared.”

“I was, too. But I can’t run away from what is inside me.”

“I know, love. I will never do this again”

Tiriel places her cheek on his chest. “If the child is half-undead, can I ever carry it?”

“I don’t know.”

They lie in silence holding each other in their hands. 

“You know… I’ve been deprived of mortality,” Astarion says. “Everything normal was taken away from me. And yet I am here. Married. With my own house. Free to do anything I want. When I was in Secomber, I saw a man with his daughter. And you know, I just… wanted the same thing. To carry my own child in my arms. Because it’s a normal mortal thing and if so, I will be no different from that young innkeeper who calls his baby daughter ‘princess’.”

Tiriel caresses his cheek. “I need to go to that innkeeper and ask if he needs anything for returning my husband to me.”

“You need to see the girl. Such a lovely little creature,” he smiles. 

“Ours will be lovely too.”

Astarion elbows up. “Tiriel… we are going to keep it, aren’t we?”

Tiriel sighs. She did think about terminating, Astarion realizes. In those dark hours when he was hiding like a coward.

“I want to keep it,” Tiriel says. “Besides… I am still a half-elf. It’s not like miscarriages are rare among my race. Let’s see how it works out.”

Astarion smiles and finally relaxes enough to meditate. 

Druids hate the undead because, unlike nature, they can't change. He will prove them all wrong. His life is changing and he is too.

In the best and scariest way possible.

He puts his palm on Tiriel’s flat belly. Somehow, he is sure they are going to have a girl. -- Tag list

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[kinyeee]

There was a time in my live, when I would come across posts about how some person LOVE their idols. I thought there is no way they really love, love this person, they don't even met once and they don't about their existence. How can you love someone you don't really know personally?

Then I got into KP fandom and "met" Bible... Now I can say I do love him a lot even though we never met, I've never seen him with my own eyes. There was never any actor, idol any famous human being I could say I have a crush on. Until now.

Like what the heck. How can I feel so strong emotions towards someone I didn't met? Is this an empaths thing? Am I projecting my own fantasies about them?

Recently this feelings are messing with my head and I don't know if this is normal. I haven't felt this sort of connection with any known person I liked and was a fan of.

#i dont understand it #its stupid #but i need to understand my feelings to be able to live normally #but everytime i see this man in my instagram or here i just cant #i can say its a crush #but ugh #how is this possible #i want to meet him have a conversation #talk a little #the worst thing is that i deep down know i wont be able to do that #and why it hurts so much #i feel like an insane person that is obsessed #im stupid #maybe there are some suppressed emotions that are inside me and want the get and choose my only weak point #the stuff that is occupying my head for last few months #toughts at 4 am #ive cried and feel worse and better at the same time #i wonder if anyone read my struggles #leave 🖤 if you did

[sreidisms]

Early seasons Reid and with BAU!reader whom just has a HUGE crush on her and Gideon has to spell it out to Spencer? I just love season 1/2 Reid. Him in glasses just makes me swoon ❤️

THIS IS SO CUTE, like it's so probable too. I didn't understand if you meant that Gideon had to spell out that Spencer likes the reader or that the reader likes Spencer, so I went with the former. If you wanted the latter, tell me and I'll write it!

An Oblivious Genius

Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Summary: Spencer has feelings for you but is too oblivious to realise - Gideon helps him.

Genre: subtle fluff

Word Count: 862

Warnings: none

A/N: the way I ended this leaves it open to a part two, so please comment if you'd like one!

“I think you have feelings for her.”

“Huh?”

Gideon didn’t lift his gaze from the newspaper in his hands, the wrinkles on his forehead peeking from behind the inked folio. “I said, you may have feelings for her, Reid.”

Spencer never turned to anyone for help, because why would he? He knew more than anyone else when it came to most things - well, except socially. And emotionally. And anything having to do with you.

The only person that wouldn’t bruise his ego was Gideon - his mentor, his guidance. He held more of a God-like presence than a fatherly one for Reid; his advice and experience were almost holy, a dogma which Spencer believed and followed without questioning.

So when his number one source of truth told him he had a crush on you, it was a shock.

“I don’t think that’s the case-”

“Reid.”

Spencer stopped his attempted rambling as Gideon’s eyes made an appearance from behind the lowered paper.

“Just repeat what you were telling me at the start of the conversation,” the older man sighed.

Spencer shifted on his legs, picking at the rolled up sleeve that was settled by his elbow.

“I know she’s my closest friend, the person I feel most comfortable with, although she’s been working here for less time than everyone else. It’s probably because she doesn’t interrupt me and listens when I talk.” He paused for a second, the corner of his mouth lifting into a subtle smile. “I like that.”

“What else?” urged Gideon, setting his newspaper on the desk in front of him.

“I get really excited to see her. Well, I enjoy seeing Derek and Elle too, but I get this weird feeling at the pit of my stomach when I see her.” He pressed his palm to his sternum, showing the origin of the sensation.

“That’s because she means more to you.”

“Yes, but surely not in the way you’re implying. It could be heart burn; do you know that twenty percent of Americans suffer from a gastroesophageal reflux at least once a week-”

“You’re telling me you happen to experience heart burn each time she enters the room?”

Gideon raised an eyebrow, making the younger agent feel dumb for such an improbable conclusion.

“Okay … okay maybe not, the two variables cannot be fully independent of each other if they occur simultaneously every time.”

It was surprising to Gideon that such an intelligent and well-rounded person could be so oblivious to something as romantic feelings. He pressed his thumb and index finger into his eyes, rubbing them slowly and dragging his fingers down his cheeks, buying himself some time to think.

“I think an obvious question is, do you think she’s pretty?” he asked and waved his hand to the side.

Spencer bit his lower lip. He thought you were the most gorgeous person he had ever laid eyes on if he had to be entirely honest; but he couldn’t admit that, not out loud at least.

“I do.”

“That’s it?”

“What do you want me to say, Gideon? That I think that she’s breath-taking and there’s not a thing about her I don’t like?” He said it with a certain anger, one that was buried somewhere deep inside him, a result of the pent up emotions and anxieties in his chest.

“Is that the truth?” You’d think that with his profiling experience, he would have learnt to mask the way he was suppressing the fluttery feelings and adoration he had for you.

Gideon sighed before speaking again: “What are the signs that one is supressing emotions?”

“Struggling to identify and express feelings or appearing emotionally distant, unexpected mood swings, and avoidance of specific topics, people, or situations.”

“And doesn’t that seem to mirror what you’re going through?”

Spencer thought about it. He was definitely finding it challenging to pin point his emotions, he couldn’t really understand what he felt for you; he didn’t really have mood swings, but had just lashed out at his mentor over a comment; and he certainly avoided the topic of liking you or the teasing of such from his workmates.

“Shit, I like her.”

Gideon chuckled at his out-of-character swearing. “First off, watch your language. Secondly, I’m glad you’ve come round.” He laid back in his chair once more, lifting up the paper to continue his reading.

The young genius didn’t know what to do with this newfound information. He liked you. More than liked you, really. He was fascinated by your mere existence, your kindness, your humour, and most definitely your looks. How hadn’t he realised this sooner?

“What do I do now?” he mumbled, taking off his glasses to wipe them on his button-up shirt.

“You tell her you like her.”

Spencer near snapped his glasses in half with the way the pads of his fingers pressed firmly in shock.

“You want me to do what?”

“Reid, it’s not a secret that she has a soft spot for you.”

The boy sputtered, jaw opening and closing like a door on rusted hinges. “I- I can’t do that!”

The newspaper rustled as Gideon flipped the page. “One of you will eventually.”

God I need him, he's such a cutie

#writingreidisms #reidismrequests #criminal minds #spencer reid #dr spencer reid #matthew gray gubler #mgg #criminal minds fanfic #spencer reid fanfic #mgg fanfiction #criminal minds fluff #spencer reid fluff #mgg fluff #spencer reid x reader #mgg x reader #fem reader

[moonstruckme]

hi! I loved your fic with reader and sirius in a situationship and he comes over for a hookup and reader is super stressed and he helps. Can you please do another one with that dynamic? Maybe angst where they’re hanging out at a party and Sirius is all over reader but then says they’re just friends? Possibly smut ensues 👀

I love reading you work!!

Thanks for requesting!

cw: smut mdni, p in v, semi-public sex, hurt no comfort

fwb!Sirius x fem!reader ♡ 1.2k words

“Shh.” Sirius nips at your earlobe, eliciting another half-suppressed mewl from you as he presses you into the wall next to James’ shower. “You want everyone here to know what’s going on? James’ll have a field day.” 

“He’s already gonna know if I walk out all marked up.” 

“S’not my fault, is it?” he hisses, fingertips digging into your ass as his teeth scrape across your pulse point. “Why’d you have to wear this fucking dress, huh?” 

 “No idea what you’re talking about,” you pant, but you’re laughing, tits bouncing almost completely out of the tight bodice as he thrusts into you, the lace lining barely covering your peaked nipples. Sirius’ eyes had gone nearly all black when he’d seen it in your closet. Dollface, when did you get this pretty little thing? You’ve been waiting for the opportunity to undo him with it ever since. 

Part of you wonders if he’d had a similar plan tonight. Sirius is wearing—or, well, he had been wearing—the black jeans you’d helped him thrift last weekend, slung low over his hips and paired with a tank top that shows ample expanses of his inked-up torso and arms. He’d watched as you drank the outfit in, and the pretense of socializing at James’ party hadn’t lasted long before he’d drug you into the bathroom by your elbow. 

Sirius shifts, pushing you harder against the wall as he takes your weight with one hand, freeing the other to paw at your boob. It plops readily out of its confines and into his palm. You moan as his thumb brushes your nipple, ducking your head to smother the sound against his shoulder. 

You start kissing the tattoo there a second before he finds the spot he’s been searching for inside you and your head lolls back. Your hands spread over his shoulders to ensure you don’t topple over, lightheaded and cock-addled. 

“Easy, pretty girl.” Sirius’ tone is smug, his hands coming back to your ass as he hits that spot over and over again. He presses his lips to yours sweetly, swallowing your sounds. “I know you didn’t have that much to drink, try to stay upright for me.” 

Pathetically, it warms your heart to think that he’d been keeping an eye on you. You use what leverage you have against the wall to grind your hips into him. Sirius groans, pounding into you so hard you think you must ascend, your vision all starry and wild as pleasure shoots out from your core, tingling all the way to your fingertips. 

Distantly, you’re aware of Sirius covering your mouth with his again, thrusting into you a few more times before he comes too and bites down on your bottom lip as his grip tightens on you. Your chest hurts. You feel almost like you could cry, which is new. You both stay there for a minute, him relaxing his hold on your ass until it’s a bit kinder and you idly pulling a strand of his hair through your fingers, until Sirius breaks the kiss. His eyes meet yours, the color of heavy clouds, and you have the sense that he’s peeling you like a tangerine. Seeing down to your hidden, squishy bits. 

“You alright?” he asks you. 

You swallow. “Yeah,” you say, pleased to find that your voice holds no trace of the emotion spreading like a blight behind your sternum. “You?” 

Sirius’ lips tilt. “I’m fantastic, dollface.” 

He adjusts his grip on you, letting you get your legs underneath you before lowering you to the floor. Your panties bunch around one shoe, getting slick on your ankle. 

“Ugh,” you sigh, sitting down on the lip of the tub while Sirius takes his condom off. “Can you pass me some toilet paper? I can’t put these back on like this.” 

“Just throw them out.” 

“I can’t, I really like these.” You start to reach for the toilet paper on your own and Sirius finally obliges, passing you a wad. “Thanks.”

He tugs his jeans back up, buttoning them before leaning on the wall to watch you. You keep your focus on your task and not on ogling how his biceps bulge when he crosses his arms like that. “I can just get you another pair,” he says. 

“You don’t need to do that.” 

“Oh, come on.” His tone takes on a familiar quality. You look up, and sure enough, he’s smirking down at you. The expression does things to your stomach you can never let him find out about. “I’m the one who ruined ‘em in the first place, aren’t I? Let me make it up to you.”

You would say it’s been sufficiently made up, but you only shake your head, folding the toilet paper over to a dry part. “I’m not throwing them out. I just need a minute, then I can put them back on.” 

“Suit yourself, darling.” Something in you flutters at the pet name, but then Sirius pushes off the wall. “I’m gonna head out, get back out there so nobody sees us leave together.” 

You keep your gaze downward. “Good idea.” 

You notice him flash you a smile in your periphery. Even without really seeing it, you can guess what it looks like: flirty, impersonal. “See you out there.” 

He opens the door, and you see only a flash of light brown hair before he’s slipping out and shutting it behind him, shielding you from view. 

“Hello,” Remus’ voice says slowly. He must’ve just been passing by, but if the extended occupation of the bathroom hadn’t caught his attention, Sirius’ hasty exit certainly has. “Don’t suppose I need to ask where you’ve been.” 

“That,” you hear Sirius say in his jovial way, “would be terribly nosy, Moony. Unlike you.” 

You creep closer to the door, pressing your ear to the crack in time to hear Remus’ amused hum. “Don’t suppose I need to ask if you know where y/n is either, do I? Mary’s been looking for her.” 

“I’m sure she’ll turn up shortly,” Sirius replies. 

There’s a short period of silence wherein you wonder if they’ve walked away, but then Remus says quietly, “I hope you’re being careful.” 

Sirius laughs, the sound derisive. “Thank you for your concern, but you’ll find a condom in James’ bathroom trash if you’re worried enough to go looking.” 

“Not what I meant. She’s a sweet girl, Sirius. Don’t fuck her about.” 

You can practically hear the lewd joke forming on Sirius’ tongue, but his voice lowers, unexpectedly sober. “I’m not,” he says. You stop breathing. “She’s under no false impressions, alright? We both talked about what this was before we started, and she doesn’t want a relationship any more than I do.” 

Remus’ sigh is long-suffering. “Sure.” 

“Honest, Moons. We’re just friends.” 

Your heart—your stupid, mutinous heart—shrinks and withers like a balloon without air. You move away from the door as quietly as you can, sitting again on the cold lip of James’ tub. Sirius says something about taking charge of the music selection, and you breathe carefully as he and Remus go off. You’re furious with yourself, humiliated for feeling so dejected. Sirius is right; you had been clear about what you wanted when you first started this thing. Boundaries had been laid down. Just because your feelings have changed, that doesn’t mean his have. It was unfair of you to look for more from him. 

Your underwear are a lost cause. You bury them underneath more toilet paper in James’ bin, hiding the condom while you’re at it. You’ll get yourself new ones without telling Sirius. What you do shouldn’t be his problem anyway.

#fwb!sirius #fwb!sirius x reader #sirius black #sirius black x reader #sirius black x fem!reader #sirius black x y/n #sirius black x you #sirius black x self insert #sirius black fanfiction #sirius black fanfic #sirius black fic #sirius black smut #sirius black angst #sirius black imagine #sirius black drabble #sirius black blurb #sirius black scenario #sirius black oneshot #sirius black one shot #marauders #the marauders #marauders era #marauders fanfiction #marauders fandom #hp marauders #marauders x reader

[risingsuntarot]

1--2

3-4

General Messages & Advice !!

⚠️TW Quick mention of s*icidal ideation⚠️

I honestly had no set plan for this reading negl so I kinda just pulled out some cards to describe the collective energies and give them some advice sorry if this is long !! This took me quite a while so any love would be greatly appreciated!! Thanks for reading 💜

Excuse any typos :+//

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Pile ONE

---Cards pulled---

Ace of cups/Queen of Coins/2 of Coins

---Clarification---

9 of Coins/7 of Coins/8 of Wands

I see you're able to either barely able hold onto your emotions and new beginnings or you manage them quite well no inbetween

Youre extremely intelligent, patient yet fast and direct, dedicated and multifaceted it may have taken a lot to get to this point although

Im sensing a lot of emotional sensitivity yet you are perceived as stone when you feel like glass

"Petite, Cute, Princess, Marilyn monroe, Dainty" maybe youre described as such?

Strong sense of justice and very dependable, able to maintain balance

Maybe you feel lost inside? S*icidal ideation ? Or loneliness is a big factor

Possible lack of belief in change and self confidence

Im getting Hopeless romantic or dissatisfaction in love life if im being honest

No inspiration for life :'+(

Unstable Family background or relationships

Youre extremely pessimistic arent you? Im so sorry but i feel genuine pain hurt and the urge to cry almost? But something wont allow me to

Suppressed emotions or memories :+((

---ORACLE/ADVICE---

Eagle "see from a higher perspective"

Air Gaurdian "Shift your perception"

Lord "Take charge with authority"

High Priest "Intend ans Create"

There is a need for the sun and nature for playing a huge part in your healing, maybe its seasonal depression or simply anxiety or the "no inspiration for life" thats here

Bed rot could be a thing

There is a need to release old habits desires and ego

Confide in a masculine figure in your life or a masculine figure sees your distress (Gender doesn't matter its all energy)

Protection is needed and maybe a nice cleanse, maybe a cedar bath?

Again seasonal depression is coming up lol

You could be either a pieces or one of the Air signs

Take pride in your appearance, in the card she has long flowing black hair and stunning eyes!! Piercings too? Specifically a left nose piercing

Over thinking/pondering lol

Possible past friends or connections have ended badly?

Opportunities will only open up when you open your eyes and see that what you choose to see in the world if what youll perceive and experience

Lord of the rings/DND/Elden Ring/LARPing?

Rams could be significant or Aries sign!!

Learn a new instrument!! Make more art but with your own style ? Maybe youre in a art achool that doesnt allow for much individuality? But being a proud ab your individuality here is important!!

Birds are an important sign here, look out for feathers, hawks or eagles!!

If youre indigenous/Native/Aboriginal you may be receiving an Eagle Feather from an elder or during ceremony?! What an honor oml

Willie Jack from reservation dogs Vibes !!

---Channeled Songs---

LVL up - David strickland, Drezus, Aspects, prognosis

This came on during writing the eagle feather bit a lyric that caught my attention was

"Been a problem, Still a problem

But problems are what you need to grow"

Runaway - Lil peep

"Everybody act like they care, Why the fuck do everybody act like they care"

When I'm Gone - Eminem

"Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling

And I didn't feel a thing,

So, baby, don't feel no pain

Just smile back"

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PILE TWO

---Cards pulled---

The hermit/Knight of wands/8 of wands

---Clarification---

9 of cups/The Empress/Strength

Im getting like lost rebellion? And being unhealed and hurt inside from past trauma's specifically abandonment, neglect or betrayal from authority figures or those you had trusted

Feeling empty and misguided despite only trusting yourself, and no one seems to want to listen to your advice/experiences leading you to feel isolated and forgotten in a way?

Maybe you're a party animal, possible drinker and/or just popular/known in social settings

There is heavy overindulgence in emotionally fufilling things, specifically overspending and maybe other possible addictions (sleep, food, drugs etc)

Mother/Feminine figure is very important in your life

You look to them for approval of many things but they may have been not caring about your emotional needs or satisfaction rather they cared more about your hidden strengths and "beast inside" ?? Or even how "weak" they perceived you, they may have been disappointed at your strengths and abilities, n maybe they put you in some kind of martial arts or boxing despite your disinterest in it?

Quick to move on from situations!! Yet indecision and regret is coming through Strongly

Impatient with skills and talents that dont turm out they way you wanted so perfectionist type vibes

You are a clear communicator but tend to be rather impulsive with decisions or say one thing and do a completely different thing

Extreme harshness towards oneself and heavy judgement too :+(

Feeling exposed? Like all eyes are on you yet you dont want them

I feel a facade of confidence but there is true confidence coming through by the tiniest bit? yet it's heavily based on the feminine figures perspective in your life one with authority also your own perspective on yourself

Lots of self hatred and anger

Family oriented, getting protective yet detached energy tho

Cancer by my chemical romance came on so that song may be relevant?

---ORACLE/ADVICE---

Wise One "Grow within your current situation"

Mountains "Stand your ground"

Stargazer "Set your sights higher"

Direction guardian "Choose your path"

Owls maybe significant to you and other avians such as ravens

The wise one card depicts a woman with feathers in her gray hair, description of someone possibly?

Also a crescent moon is atop the owls head so maybe Athena or Greek mythology is important to you

I sense there was a lot of hardship in your life, ups and downs, peaks and valleys yet you choose to persevere and stay strong

I see you have may have been passed down a gift having to do with dreams, keep a journal and look into meanings of those dreams!! Also maybe astrology is something you love to look into or have an interest in ?

Although something is blocking this gift from its fullest potential i believe there is healing or a cycle to be closed off before youre allowed to fully tap into it !! It'll take time and work on your part

As of now you have many choices to make in many areas of life, youre heavily protected by your guides and loved ones, the direction guardian is depicted with a Seraphim as described by the hebrew prophet Ezekiel!!

Specifically in Ezekiel 28:11-19 is where the seraphim is described

You have choices, this card is to remind you that YOU have the power of your own path and direction

---Channeled Songs---

Cancer - MCR

"Baby I'm just soggy from the chemo

But counting down the days to go

It just ain't living

And I just hope you know

That if you say (if you say)

Good-bye today (good-bye today)

I'd ask you to be true (I'd ask you to be true)

'Cause the hardest part of this

Is leaving you"

No place to hide - Korn

"Some will look at the time I looked back into my life

You wanna touch me to see what's in my eyes

Why do you make me remember my hate, all this shame?

Don't you hate me? Sometimes"

I-E-A-I-A-I-O - SOAD

"Mine delusions acquainted,

Bubbles erotica,

Plutonium wedding rings,

Icicles stretching,

Bicycles, shoestrings,

One flag, flaggy but one,

Painting the paintings of the alive."

Although this seems like nonsense many fans believe its abbreviations or like code!! Soo...

M D E = Media and so on

The sentence comes together as:

"Media back-end power is bullshit, opposing force for the power of propaganda"

Stole this^^^ from genuis btw lmao

Theres the "lost rebel" part lol

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PILE THREE

---Cards pulled---

2 of swords/The Chariot/10 of Wands

---Clarification---

Ace of Swords/Knave of Coins/6 of wands

I feel more a message for this pile? And i do apologize but it is quite shorter than the rest but I will try my best to deliver both tho

You seem to be a very balanced person with clear morals and judgement, you have an ability to see all shades of gray in a black and white world maybe you work in the justice system? Or are dealing with the justice system ?And this stresses you out greatly yet you maintain hope for all that you see and deal with even if you see repeating injustices to those around you

Maybe PTSD is a factor here too, overthinking your own trauma or others

Anyways despite your position here you choose this pile for a reason !! You offer people truth and often give closure to cycles that needed to end

With the 2 of coins tho i think there is some imbalance between what you can and cannot do ? If that makes sense, like you can heal others or give them justice but cannot do the same for yourself :+(

Anyways the message i sense from this pile is pretty straight forward, you are giving someone (or yourself!!) the chance or closure to heal once more and whatever you may be waiting for is coming in quite quick although I feel there may be someone who may come in to sabotage the whole thing so be careful about who you choose to reveal this information to

They may offer a trade of some sort?

A deal, hush money or simply intimidation

Up your protection and be aware of fake friends yet still remain hopeful about the outcome because i see it turning out in your favor

---ORACLE/ADVICE---

Snake "Shed old skin"

Protection Guardian "Drop your Shields"

Winter "Take care of your needs"

High Priestess "Harness mystic power"

Again straightforward, beware of fake Friends and deals with strings attached my advice here is to up your protection and stand your ground!!

Drop your gaurd with those who you KNOW you can trust, you may need ro let out some stresses and emotions? Because the card winter is all about needs and hibernation so sleep well, eat and take some time to relax !!

Also might be an indication that whatever this situation is it may have happened in the winter/colder months

While in this time of self care and healing strengthen your knowledge and strengths learn how to master them !!

Your dreams and own special psychic gifts are important and potent !! Use them for yourself at this moment in time use that healing energy for yourself

Have confidence in yourself and know and own your protection because again you are heavily protected at this time you will most likely know who to stay away from very soon

Follow you intuition and what it tells you !!

---Channeled Songs---

The bird and the worm - The Used

[Whispered Post-Chorus] "Don't tell on me, don't tell on me. No, don't you tell on me, please. It's okay, don't tell on me, please..."

I find it interesting that its not the actual audible lyrics but if you listen to the song this is what the whispers are saying so...take it as it resonates

Spiders - SOAD

"Approaching guiding light

Our shallow years in fright

Dreams are made, winding through my head"

Bad dreams might be significant to you? Please try to relax good things are coming !!

Mama - MCR

"You should have raised a baby girl

I should've been a better son

If you could coddle the infection

They can amputate at once

You should've been

I could have been a better son"

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-

Pile Four

---Cards pulled---

5 of cups/4 of wands/Knave of coins

---Clarification---

8 of wands/6 of cups/Knave of wands

I believe there currently is dissatisfaction with your love life or offers within love at this moment or even just impatiently waiting for your current partner/interest to "make a move"

There isnt a lot of hope or faith in the connection on your part but i do see this person is interested they just operate differently and have some concerns

Mostly having to do with being used for their material gain, name position and/or authority

They do see this connection quite successful but they hate being put on a pedestal, due to this they wont have the guts to come forward if they do!! It will most likely be impulsive or very confusing and indirect which might leave both of yous flustered mainly them

This might be over drinks because my face is warming up lol

They see you as the four of wands and 6 of cups what a wonderful pair of cards together!!

But they see your disappointment and or pulling away from their energy which is turning them off easily but they still have their eyes on you

They have no time to be a chaser or to be chased this person is quite serious in their relationships so dont play childish games, play stupid games and win stupid prizes right?

They have come to a decision on their own but its also up to them when this information is revealed to you directly

Also there seems to be a sort of distrust with relationships on either sides which needs to be addressed before hand

Communication maybe be an issue

---ORACLE/ADVICE---

Medicine Guardian "Be open to healing information"

Elder "Healing through lineage"

Peacekeeper "Harmonious resolution is possible"

Lady "enjoy growth a reap rewards"

I feel like time is needes to open up tp yourself and heal some issues on your side first, become the best possible version you can before you can move on with this

I see that this connection may heal cycles in your family and generational trauma possibly?

Its your job to keep cool despite the circumstances now and remember to mediate and that peace is always an option. Not every battle is worth fighting

However this goes you will be happy with what you see in the mirroe nonetheless!! Enjoy your hardwork and healed state

---Channeled Songs---

Fed Up - Ghostmane

"I'm fed up with the fame

I'm sick of reading my name in any other way than I intended

Fed up with all of these motherfuckers misunderstandin' me

I'm fed up with the ones that try to say you a fan of me

But then they turn their back and mothafuckers abandon me

You think I'm sitting high with everything, but now can't you see?

I'm livin' in reality, a struggle, not fantasy

I'm in a million-dollar couch, back then I was in a van"

No you girls - Franz Ferdinand

"Sometimes I say stupid things

But I think, well, I mean I

Sometimes I think the stupidest things

Because I never wonder

Oh, how the girl feels

Oh, how the girl feels"

Driven Under - Seether

"Must be something on your mind

Something lost for me to find

Do you know I'm faking?"

I feel this is more the distrust with their previous relationship possibly?

Also this lyric

"We have to succumb to the feelings we can never face

I need you, I breathe you

I can't go through this all again

We have to succumb to the feelings we can never face

I need you, I breathe you

I can't go through this"

Also pile 3 may have some messages?? I accidentally typed pile three for this one? :+//

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#daily tarot #pick a card reading #fs pac #love pac #pick a picture #intuitive messages #detailed pac #tarot reading #tarot #tarot cards #pac #pick a card

[hrryshoney]

soon you will be mine, but i want you now

matty healy x reader

A/N: the picture? i’m just a sleaze, sorry! yeah this is part 2 to my previous matty fic! again, i apologize for any switching perspectives. lmk if i’m bad at writing smut.. honest reviews pls!

warnings: smut, literally sex lmao. idiots in love, are they gonna fuck while he’s sick? …sorry, but it wasn’t that bad in the first place! the drama queen likes to play it up. very wordy. bad writing..?😕

You and Matty were friends. Best friends. Well, maybe more than that now. Because you didn’t know any friends who did this with each other, best or not.

Matty’s lips were on yours. Moving firmly against one another. You were in a daze, it seems, because you don’t know how or when you began straddling his lap. Or maybe he put you there? Either way.

He was kissing you with such fervor that it made your whole body hot. He bit down on your lip, and you let out a truly pathetic gasp. This gave him an opening, and he slipped his tongue in your mouth. You could feel his smile against your lips.

Matty Healy was going to drive you insane, if he hadn’t already.

You pulled back and put your hands on his chest, breathing heavily. “Need air, Matty. Jesus, you got the lungs of a swimmer or some shit?” You move your neck back farther.

His lips chase yours. He pants, “Just got a lot of practice.” He attaches his lips to your neck. “Wanna practice on you, now.” You feel his teeth sink in, a little above your collarbone. His mouth sucks on the spot.

“You’re- you’re gonna leave a mark.” Your sentence is finished off with a half whimper/half pant. He’s really affecting you. Who knew suppressing emotions for your best friend would lead to tension filled foreplay?

“Mhm, good. Show ‘em all.” He licks over the spot he just sucked. “Can’t wait to see the mark, been wanting you like this for too long.” This is a Matty you’ve never seen before. Eyes dark, ravenous. His hair is messy atop his head, his chest is rising and falling rapidly. You think you want to become accustomed to this Matty.

“You have?” It’s a genuine question, although a stupid one. He just gave you a hickey and you’re asking if he wants you? Maybe it’s an ego thing, but you just want confirmation. You’ve been pining after him for far too long, and now that you have him.. it’s safe to say you want to keep him.

“You’re an oblivious little thing. I’ve always fancied you. Thought for sure ya noticed. Doesn’t matter, though. Have ya now.” Matty continues his assault on your neck, moving lower and lower now. The neck of his your oversized tee is moving lower with each kiss. “Can I take this off you, darling?” His eyes search yours for consent.

You barely get to finish your nod as he yanks the shirt over your head. You had forgone a bra today. Thinking you were only taking care of Matty, and that the tee covered your nipples, you didn’t see the point. Now though, on Matty’s lap, you feel all too exposed.

His eyes are glued to your chest, hands resting on your waist and squeezing the skin every so often. That look in his eyes is going to kill you. But what really does it is the small fuck me that’s whispered under his breath. Your hips give an involuntary roll against his own.

Your whimper makes him look up, you roll your hips again. Matty’s groan sounds too good coming out of his mouth. He tightens his hold on your hips. “Stop moving, yeah? Gonna be a good girl tonight and listen to me?”

Now that, you were not expecting. The moan that rips from your chest is something new. That was uncharted territory, something your old flings had never dabbled into. You didn’t think you were getting dirty talk with Matty. Oh, you were terribly wrong.

“Matty, shit. Please, yes, I’m good.” You didn’t know you had a big submissive side inside of you, but Matty is definitely bringing it out. He rolls his hips up into yours, but his hands restrain you from doing the same.

“Awe, you’re adorable, aren’t you? Just wanna be my good girl? That’s alright, love. You will be.” The snicker that comes along with his smirk is another thing you’re not accustomed to. The condescending tone. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t like it.

He picks you up from his lap and lays you back on the bed, into his previous spot. Matty had forgone a shirt, something about how hot he was with the ‘fever’. He was only in some sweats, and he looked good. You were aware of your best friends body, but seeing it this way was something else. His muscles and tattoos made your mouth water.

“Eyes are up here, babe.” He laughs at your awed state. His fingers are gilding up and down your leg, toying with the hem of your shorts. “I can take these off?” He asks for confirmation again, ever the gentleman. You nod.

“No, words. Use your words, please.” He smiles, he really is sick, you think.

“Yes, Matty, please.” Your hips buck up as he fiddles with the hem. Goosebumps have risen on your thigh from his touch.

“Good manners too, aren’t you sweet?” He grabs the waistband of your shorts and begins to pull them down. Slowly. Hauntingly slow. He knows what he’s doing, and you hate it.

You’re left in just your light blue underwear, you think it’s only fair if he strips too. “Can you take your pants off, please? Then we’ll be even.”

He simply does as he’s told, and tugs the gray sweatpants down his leg. He kicks them off to somewhere in the room, but your eyes are glued to his briefs.

Without giving you too much time to ogle, his mouth is glued to your chest. Kissing and touching your breasts. “Feel what you do to me?”

He pushed his bulge into your leg as he continues kissing your chest. “Got me so fuckin’ hard from nothing, like a bloody teenager. You always make me this hard.” He groans into your breast.

“Oh, Matty.” Your response is weak, but it’s the only coherent thing that will come out of your mouth.

“Yeah, love when you say my name. Would fuck my fist and think about ya. Moaning, making those pretty noises for me.” You gasp at that, you didn’t think he thought about you in that way.

You knew you’d done it before, but you would never tell. Those nights where you were aching, and desperately needed relief. Where you would slide your hand between your thighs and pretend it was Matty’s. You never knew the feeling was reciprocated.

“Taste so fucking good. Need a real taste. Can I, love? Can I eat ya?” You knew what he was asking, but you were apprehensive. Every time a guy went down on you, you never came. It was nothing personal, you guessed it just wasn’t your cup of tea.

“Yeah, you- you can, Matty. But if I don’t come, don’t feel some way. Never come when guys eat me out.” You shrugged, though you feel your body ignite from the way he looked at you.

“Shame. Guess they weren’t doin’ it right, darling.” He moves down your body and plants kisses on your stomach as he does so. He keeps going when he reaches the waistband of your panties. He kisses you over them.

Matty sits back on his knees and sees the prominent wet spot on your underwear. He puts his thumb atop it and pushes. You gasp, “Fuck, Matty!” clearly not ready for the stimulation.

“All that for me?” And though it’s a rhetorical question, you still nod. “So nice and wet, perfect for me.” He gives you mercy and slides your panties down your legs.

He’s at the edge of the bed now, just laying and staring at your pussy. You almost close your legs out of humiliation, but his strong hands rest on your thighs to pry them open. “Don’t run from me, darling. It’s really a sin to hide this pretty cunt. Really a shame no one’s taken care of her properly.” He runs his finger up your slit, collecting your wetness and pressing on your clit.

Your face heats from his vulgar words, and you let out a whine. Your hands cover your face. “Matty… please.”

“Aw, c’mon. Don’t be shy, ‘m just being honest.” His face gets close to your pussy and you feel his breath against it. The whine you let out is music to his ears. Matty licks a thick stripe, and you let out a guttural moan.

His tongue is all over in the best way possible. He’s sucking on your clit and it’s making you see stars. Your hands fly to his hair and you tug. “Mm, sorry. Don’t wanna hurt ya, just feels good.” You rub his head after your apology.

He speaks, and the vibrations against your cunt are sending you over the edge. “Tug all you want, don’t mind.” You let out a loud moan, and he laughs.

He moves his hand from holding your thigh and sticks one finger in your hole, continuing to suck your clit. Your hips buck from the internal stimulation. His finger moving in and out of you, and his lips around your clit is.. very pleasant, to say the least. Even more so when he adds a second finger.

You let out a sigh of pleasure. Matty curls his fingers. His are so big, yours just don’t compare. 2 of his feels like 3 of yours. He detached his lips from your clit and lays his tongue flat on it. You feel a jolt through your body, the pressure is building.

“Oh! Hm, Matty, I’m-‘m gonna…” You pant out and close your eyes tight, preparing for your orgasm. But it doesn’t come. You don’t cum. That’s because Matty has ceased all movements, moved away from your pussy entirely and is staring at you with a smile on his face.

“Matty! What the fuck, I was just about to cum. Are you serious?” You’re looking at him and pouting, a crease in your brow. He thinks you look positively adorable.

“Terribly sorry, darling.” He pouts back in faux sympathy. “But if you’re gonna cum, it’ll be ‘round my cock, yeah?” He moves to slide his briefs down his legs.

I feel myself nodding absentmindedly. Agreeing, or ready to agree with him. Ready to be compliant for him. And when he takes off his briefs… it really is a sight to see.

Matty’s cock is pretty. Of course it is, just like everything else about Matty. And right now, the tip is red and leaking pre-cum. He’s hard, long and thick. You can see veins popping out, it looks like it hurts.

Your mouth moves before you have chance to think about what your saying, “Want me to suck you off?” and your eyes widen as the words spill out.

“Jesus, what am I gonna do with you?” He asks, and smiles as he looks down at you. Kneeling on the bed, now. Slotted between your thighs. Almost where you need him. “Not today, darling. But thank you for the offer, ‘m sure your mouth feels amazing.”

‘Not today’, the phrase gives you even more hope that this is not a one off thing. That you and your best friend will progress together, and this isn’t just a hookup that will be brushed under the rug.

“I’m gonna go slow, okay? Tell me what you like and what you don’t.” He grabs onto your hands, and it all feels so tender. You’re glad Matty’s in your life.

When he thrusts in, you can’t hold the moan. He can’t hold his either. Matty’s noises are heaven sent. He sounds so good. Gravelly and whiny, but domineering. And with your whining in the back, it all sounds like the perfect soundtrack.

“You- you’re so big, Matty. Don’t know how it fits.” If you were in your right mindset, you would never inflate his ego like this. You know it’s big enough as it is. Oh, well. At least he’s endowed enough to back it up.

His smirk says enough. “Yeah? Filling you up good? This tight cunt? So good f’me. Perfect, like you were made for me.” He continues to pull in and out of you at an unrelenting pattern.

“Oh, God! Mhm, right there, please.” You can’t do much of anything else than cry out for him.

“Not God, just me.” He grins as he keeps thrusting into you, the sound of skin slapping fills the room. “You feel so fucking good, Y/N.” His mouth is right by your ear, you feel feral.

You clench around him. Hearing him pant your name is just the cherry on top. You feel the pressure building again. “Matty, so so close. Please.” Your whimpers and pleas don’t fall on deaf ears. Especially not when Matty brings his thumb around to press on your clit.

“Oh, Matty! Yes, yes please!”

“That’s right. My fucking girl. C’mon, be good for me. Cum. Cum all over my cock, angel. You can do it.”

All you can do is yell Matty’s name. You finally feel that release. Your vision goes white and Matty brings his hand to rest loosely on your neck. He’s still pounding into you, and you’re getting very overstimulated very fast.

“Fuck, you’re so fucking hot. So good for me, whole time. My good little girl, I’m close, shit.” Matty is groaning and panting in your ear, his pace never wavering. You think he has too much stamina. Then, you think that’s a good thing, a really good thing.

“Matty, please. Cum for me, please.” And you don’t care how pathetic you sound, begging for him to finish. You need him that bad.

“Where- where do ya want it?”

You don’t even have to think, “In-inside me, on the pill. Please, cum inside me?”

And Matty’s guttural groan is worth it. “Fuck, gonna be the death of me. Cum inside ya, fill you up real nice. That’s what you want, right babe?”

You nod your head so much that it could fall off your shoulders, and Matty’s thrusts are slowing down. You feel his dick twitch inside of you. You feel his cum dripping down your thighs. Matty pulls out, and you know you’re gonna be sore tomorrow morning.

He’s just staring between your legs, and then, “So pretty, should keep you like this all the time.” he takes two fingers and shoves them inside of you, pushing his cum back in.

Your back arches off the bed, “Fuck me, Matty.”

He collapses into the spot next to me, and pulls me into his chest. “Already did that one, love.” We both let out a giggle.

You two lay there in comfortable silence for a couple moments. His arm is around your body, fingers drawing circles on your bicep. Your hand falls to his chest, tracing his tattoos.

You figure you have to break the silence first. “So… can I be incredibly cliche with the ‘what are we?’ line, or do I need new material?”

Matty let’s out a loud laugh at that. He plants a kiss to the top of your forehead. “Y/N, honestly I’ve liked you for the better half of 8 years. If you want to be my girlfriend, then I’d be happy to be your boyfriend.” The words boyfriend and girlfriend make you giddy. You feel like a schoolgirl on her first date.

“‘Course I’d be your girlfriend, Matty. Don’t know if you could tell, but I’ve liked you too. Obviously.” You giggle a little. There’s a light and airy feeling in your chest. This is good.

“Mhm, take you out on a proper date after this. Dinner, movie, wherever you want to go. Whatever you want to do. Suppose I did it out of order. Fucked ya first, then wooing you on a date, yeah?” Matty chuckles a little, rubbing your arm. You laugh, too.

“You woo me everyday, Matty.”

“Careful, flattery gets you everywhere with me. Let’s get you cleaned up.”

You smile. Matty smiles. You’re both glowing with happiness. This time, you lean in.

#divider cred: @cafekitsune #matty healy smut #matty healy x y/n #matty healy fluff #matty healy x reader #matty healy blurb #matty healy fic #matty healy x you #matty healy oneshot #the 1975 smut

[lqfiles]

✰ dating huang renjun.

soft loving gazes.

one look at you and renjun’s day could be made 100x better than it was before the moment. the sight of you always puts a subconscious smile on his face, (one that he never means to show and when he gets caught he gets very defensive and denies it) which gives you butterflies. it’s this specific stare where you see his eyes slowly soften up as they lock with your before they slightly close, his soft smile growing on his face. you’re 90% sure that he is never aware of it, and you’re not planning on telling him as the sight makes you feel so many emotions it almost makes you dizzy.

you can rely on him.

renjun would want you to 100% trust him when you two are together. he would never say or do anything to intentionally hurt you and makes it very clear that you can rely on him for any burdens. and he means it. late night calls are filled with you rambling about your worries until you fall asleep as he listens attentively in his own bed, not daring to close an eye until he hears the soft sounds of your breathing and ends the call. renjun would want you to feel comfortable enough to even share your deepest secrets, he may be judging of some people, but he would never judge you, no matter how embarrassing whatever is bother you is. “your reaction was valid.” renjun reassures you all the time.

renjun gets jealous too.

just like most people renjun gets jealous too and when he is jealous, he gets annoyed. annoyed because he doesn’t want to feel like his relationship is being threatened right in front of him. annoyed huffs, eye rolls and teeth kisses is enough for you to notice his sudden mood change. he’ll deny he’s jealous at first until he’d somewhat admit it, his pride being too big for him to admit defeat. “trust me (—), i’m a guy, i know exactly how a guy who has a crush acts, he had that specific stare!” he’d defend himself as he begs you to not talk to him again for his own health… whatever that means.

how he asked you out.

at first, renjun won’t be sure if what he is feeling is truly a crush or if he just likes you a lot as a friend, but when his thoughts get confirmed by his friends, he starts to plan how he’d successfully ask you out. this means that he will prepare a small dinner date for the two of you, he doubts you know that it’s a date. then he’d buy you a present, anything you want, as long as it fits his budget obviously. then, he’d walk you home and before you could go inside, he’d grab both your hands before letting his confession flow out. not expecting much, he lets you know he’d be just as fine if you want to stay as friends, only to be taken by slight surprise as you wrap your arms around him and confess your own suppressed feelings. very cute!

kisses.

kisses with renjun is like a cool breeze on a hot summer night. it’s just you two in your own world as his hands take ahold of both your shoulder and cheek, before he leans in and gives you a small peck that quickly turns into a full on kiss. his kisses always taste like fresh fruits, sometimes a nice mint taste or maybe even strawberries on rare occasions. kisses aren’t a daily routine, most of the time it’s during very serious and intimate moments where it’s the two of you in your own bubble again, isolated from the rest of the world as you admire one another before your faces inch closer to one another and a kiss is being exchanged. it leaves the both of you blushing as your foreheads separate the two of you, shy giggles erupting from the both of you. it truly is a moment.

#i love writing these so much #i’m going to do a hyuck one next #i hope someone enjoyed this lol #renjun imagines #nct dream imagines #nct imagines #renjun scenarios #nct dream scenarios #nct scenarios #renjun fluff #nct fluff #nct dream fluff #renjun x reader #nct x reader #nct dream x reader #renjun x you #nct x you #nct dream x you #huang renjun x reader #renjun headcanons #nct headcannons #nct dream headcanons #renjun reactions #nct reactions #nct dream reactions #huang renjun reactions #lqfiles writing.

[meafortuna]

ASTRO NOTES #5

Mambo number 5. 😁 Take what resonates and enjoy it! 🫶

• I have never met a stronger person than one with Sun square Saturn/Pluto. There is nothing that this individual cannot overcome and trust me in their life it’s always something that they have to deal with. All of their life is full with challenges and obstacles that are really hard to handle, but these people… ❤️ They have to fight with something or someone all the time, there is no chance for rest. And the saddest thing is they don’t even realise how strong are they, instead of that they always criticise and underestimate themselves and never let themselves to doing what they want. Most of times this aspect has something to deal with problematic male figures in the life of the person. Sometimes can be a father, but i have noticed more often it’s about spouse/partner. They just attract abusive people who try to control them, because of their lack of self esteem. Incredible inner strength and I admire them. Hats off! 👏

• Venus in 5th house and their love for children. 🚸 I mean if i have to pick a teacher for my child it will be someone with this placement. The way they communicate with kids is so unpretended, they can make the child to feel like they are equal. They just have that joyful and childish personality, which perfectly match with the energy of the kids. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that they want kids (especially if it’s in the sign of ♒️ ♍️ ♑️ ♈️), let’s not forget that 5th house it’s also about what are the things that brings joy to us. Venus in this house can sometimes indulge too much in the pleasures of life and not want to take responsibilities like children. 🍬

• If you searching for a long lasting friendship, you should look for someone with Saturn in 11th house. These people have only a few friends, and most of them are from their early years. They look at a friendships as a responsibilities, so they will put much effort in you, but once they see you don’t do the same, they will cut you out of their life. Their group of friends often is small, because deep down they are insecure and don’t think they fit with anyone, or just because of their high expextations. Often times their friends are older then them. The bad news are the access to that circle of close friends it’s not that easy to get. So if you are already in there, stay there, these guys will be, no matter what, always there for you. 👫 * There is one quote that reminds me of Saturn in 11th house - “Friendship’s serious. Maybe more than love.” 🪐

• I found it funny how Moon in 1st house thinks they are good with hiding their emotions.🙈 Yes, they can control them or suppress them, they even won’t say if anything is wrong, because they don’t want to bother you with their problems, but their facial expressions will scream everything that’s inside of them. Except they wear their heart on their sleeve, their mood is entirely subject to how their environment reacts to them. People pleasers who need to stand for themselves more often. And also, stop using other people's problems to forget your own, that’s not good coping mechanism, ok? This applies to all Moon signs, doesn’t matter if is in ♑️ or ♏️, which are generally more secretive and private. *Sometimes if they suppress something that upsets them, their facial skin may get irritated. 🌗

• Mars in 8th house and their s*xual desire 24/7?! What’s that? 😅 Yes, they are pretty good when it comes to that part, but does anyone else have noticed how they can stand without having s*x for a really long time. ♾️ 8th house also represent taboos, and Mars in here can feel some sort of restrictions when it comes to s*x. Especially if Mars aspecting Moon or in Cancer, will seek emotional connection first, or their s*xuality strongly will depend on what’s going on in their inner world. They are not that type who just sit there and think “hm, i feel down today, i should have some s*x”, no quite the opposite. Just because this is Mars, doesn’t mean these people are only primal creatures. In this house Mars will crave for deep intimacy with their partner, there must be passion, something sacred, otherwise they don’t want it. ❤️‍🔥

• Mercury in Aries it’s the most blunt and energetic sign. Did they ever sit when they talk about something that it’s important for them? Sometimes it’s hard to listen to them, because they use all of their body in the conversation - hands, legs, head and I don’t know do i have to listen or watch them?! 🤸‍♂️But on the other hand if they are not interested in the topic of the talk, they won’t even look at you, while you explain something, they just don’t care to listen. And I guess because of their energetic nature, they also learning new things faster than the others. 🐏

• I think Mercury in 7th house is the planet that want relationship more than others. When it comes to seventh house people would say that Venus or Moon represent the most our desire for relationship, but i would say that will be Mercury. Mercury it’s about what are our thoughts, how we learn, what kind of themes we like to talk about, how we think, how communicate… do you get my point? 🗣️ Natives with Mercury in this house are the one who truly desires for relationships with another people, not only because they need to communicate with others, but because that will put their mind at ease. Think about it - if something it’s on your mind daily, than isn't this thing of primary importance to you? Yes, Mercury here also represents that the individual will seek someone who is intelligent or communication will be really important for them in one relationship. 🔭

• I hate saying things that have been said hundreds of times, but Cancers are so damn manipulative and use your weakest spot to hurt you, especially women. 👩🏻‍🦰 What’s wrong with them? They are not over emotional, they just pretend to be like that so can make you do whatever they want. I have seen many, many Cancers that have such a narcissistic behaviour. I still love them, but I can’t justify that sh*t. ♋️

~meafortuna 💙

#astroblr #aquarius #astro community #astrology #astro observations #cancer #aries #saturn #venus #astro posts

[kittonik]

Ours.

Look at these two machines bro

★ Pairings: cody rhodes x fem!reader, mjf x fem!reader (this is a oneshot but could turn into a full poly fanfic if i ever get the motivation to do so)

★ Warnings: swearing, smut, haven’t read over, angry cody grr, quickish writing of smut cos idk how to do shit in detail

★ Word count: 2161

Cody was going to do it. He was going to finally confess his feelings towards you. He had your favourite flowers in hand, feeling as confident as ever. You had been the perfect pair recently with random selected mixed tag teams tournament, and just the instant connection you two had outside of work.

He got to the door of your locker room and heard laughter coming from inside. One was obviously you but the other it was...

Oh, of course it was him..

Maxwell fucking Jacob Friedman.

Cody’s good mood dimmed he was going to lose you, if not already lost to that big dumb idiot. He didn’t really think of MJF this way, they were actually pretty great buds. The wave over jealously just quickly took over. He leaned in closer to try and hear what they were saying, but in the process he knocked his head on the door, causing Y/N and MJF to jump a bit before Y/N called out “It’s unlocked come in!!”

Cody quickly threw the flowers to the side trying to hide them, he didn’t want to walk in there with flowers if there was something going on between you two and MJF makes a fool out of Cody. Cody hesitantly open the door and walked in, putting on his best fake charming smile ever.

“Hey Y/N! … Maxwell” Cody said slyly. “Y/n I was wondering if you would like to go out for dinner after the show is finished?” He asked casually, trying not to pay attention to MJF staring deeply into his soul.

Y/N sighed. “Cody i’d love to but,” she looked to Maxwell briefly before turning back to Cody, “i’ve already got some plans.”

MJF smirked and Y/N slightly hit him.

“Oh. Oh yeah that’s fine. It was just a little offer you know, I know you’re a busy person. I’ll catch you around later, you too MJF.” Cody backed to the door closing it quickly and kicking the flowers he had dropped earlier.

“Fuck, you stupid fucking idiot fuck.” He said under his breath in an angry tone. He wanted you so fucking bad but he lost you to that clown. That ugly loud talking clown with a shit show of a fake tan.

He stormed out of the building, everyone looking in his direction, Kenny Omega chased after Cody briefly saying “Hey man you all good? what happened?” But Cody left him in the dust and Kenny easily gave up. Angry Cody was not someone to annoying any further. Heading towards his car, everything was so overwhelming, stressful, he felt like he was going to cry. He wanted the dream girl, but unfortunately his luck wasn’t on his side today.

Cody got in his car, throwing himself in angrily and started driving to his hotel. ‘I hate that stupid mother fucker.’ He mumbled under his breath.

He arrived at his hotel room. He slammed the door shut, taking off his jacket and tossing it to the side.

Reaching into his pocket, pulling out one of your flowers he was going to give you earlier. ‘Can’t believe I was going to give these to her, she probably thinks a gift of flowers would be pathetic.’

He crumpled the flower up and tossed it across the room. Leaving a stain on the wall he threw it at.

He walked over to the fridge to get out a beer, yeah alone drinking was pretty fucking sad but he didn’t care he had to suppress the emotions.

Grabbing the bottle he walked over to the couch, sinking down into it and looking at the TV screen. All this pent up anger and frustration over the past few hours, he thought maybe a drink or three could make him feel better.

Grabbing the can of beer in hand he took a long swig from it, then suddenly a phone rang he picked it up without even looking to see who was calling him.

“Hello?” he said gruffly.

“Hey it’s me! I heard you left the building pretty quick, I’m a bit worried, are you at the hotel?” Y/N asked. “Yeah just now” He answered with no emotion. Y/N ignored his tone and said “I’m coming right now, MJF too.”

Cody remained silent. She kept the phone on, expecting conversation, since she loved her and Cody’s chats. but he said noting the whole time and listened to her and Maxwell make tiny pathetic conversation as she drove over. “I’m almost here, i’ll knock twice and you have five seconds to let me in.” She jokingly said as she hung up the phone.

Cody sighed, turning off the TV and sat there on the couch feeling lonely, miserable, and useless. He thoughts started to wonder. The many amounts of alcohol getting to his brain. What would you be like in bed. What would MJF be like. Has you and Max already had sex. Did you give MJF the best blowjob of his life. Could Cody be able to experience that one day, hope in the near future. Have you got kinks, Cody sure as hell did, and just by looking at Max you could tell he does too.

Would you let Cody tie you up, and dominate you in every way possible? Would you allow him to spank your ass until you cried for more? Would you allow him and MJF to absolutely destroy the fuck out of you.

Cody finished his beer and threw it away, peeping down at his newly formed boner. “Fuck” he groaned.

He pulled his pants down a little so that he could access to his erection and stroke it slowly. He reached over to the table and grabbed another beer can, slamming it down onto the counter. Grabbing his dick again, wrapping his fingers around it, completely forgetting that you and MJF were going to appear at his hotel door in any minute. He breathed out a shuttered breath and imagined you, he needed you, your name came out of his mouth in whispers. He imagined your tight pussy clenching down on his dick and every thrust, he was right in the moment when he was interrupted by banging on his door.

Banging on his door harder and harder. “CMON CODY MANN” MJF practically yelled. “YEAHH We want to go clubbing it’s been a long day!!” You half sung. Cody stopped what he was doing, and just stared at the door running to the bathroom to quickly finish. That’s when MJF busted through the door yelling “HELLO! Oh shit, bro your whole dick is out. Shit it might even be bigger than mine.”

Cody was so out of it he just stared at Maxwell, not giving a shit about the situation.

Y/N stumbled in the room, “Max you can’t just break a door like that what the he-“ You stared at Cody your eyes slowly drifted down and landed on the holy penis. You blushed and looked away. “Sorry Codes- didn’t know you were busy…”

Cody finally covered up, looking between MJF and you, he smiled. The alcohol making him feel oddly confident 

“Are you two a thing? Because I was going to ask pretty little Y/N out today but I stumbled upon this- this- little fucking thing going on. So I stormed out to my car drove here, thought about some pretty hot things, and since i’m still hard I’d like to finish off the fucking job alright?” Cody walked towards the bedroom not looking back. It was a need, it was normal. 

“No Cody we aren’t a thing,” you called after him. “I was actually talking to Max for ideas on how I was going to ask you out.” You said shyly. 

Cody slowly turned and you gave him a smile and Max nodded. 

Cody looked like a puppy, his eyes gleamed with hope, but they tuned, turned to lust. 

“You asking me out doesn’t solve the erection problem though, does it sweetheart?”

Cody looked to MJF and smirked and nodded his head to your. Max smirked back and licked his lips, his hand graced your back and pushed you into the bedroom with Cody. 

Shit. You were going to have a threesome with the 2 most arguably hottest people you know and it got you so unbelievably wet. MJF shut the door behind you. and walked beside Cody.

You stood in front of them, Cody’s cock waving at you from his boxers, it’s tip dark red, with veins, big enough to put your thumb through if you wanted to. He let out a needy grunt as you reached out and started stroking him. It grew to full mast instantly again. MJF stepped up behind you removing your clothes and started to play with your breasts, rolling the nipples, and sucking your neck, leading to you letting out a soft moan, which could get anyone hard instantly.

You looked to MJF, who had removed his shirt and pants, revealing his thick uncut dick, that is only slightly darker than Cody’s, even with his pubic hair that covered it, it’s thickness was visible when it was standing straight up. He smiled as you pulled Cody into you and slid onto his cock. As he entered your body, you moaned louder and started riding him harder, Cody moaned as well.

Then MJF wrapped his arms around your waist and began to thrust into you as well, both of their cocks sliding easily into your tight pussy, stretching you until you start crying out. You couldn’t take anymore, MJF slammed into you , pulling out and ramming himself back inside of you, over and over until you could feel yourself nearing your orgasm, while Cody was maintaining his quick pace, you moaned loudly and leaned forward onto Cody’s chest and began humping him faster.

Cody’s and Max’s hands were roaming all over your body, their mouths sucking at any place they could. You were a moaning mess and you couldn’t help it. It was better than you ever expected. 

“Oh god y/n, I need to cum inside of you” Cody whispered in your ear. “Me too, fuck you’re so perfect, you’re ours” MJF groaned. Cody hummed in agreement. “We should do some sort of baby roulette, both cum, get her preggo, see who the child is.” MJF suggested becoming breathless. Your teary eyes opened wide, so fucking weird, but it surprisingly turned you on more.

You’ve never felt this way before, it felt good. You looked to MJF then Cody, they both had such huge smiles on their faces both thinking about the baby idea going through the pros and cons. They fucked you until you came twice, your walls clenched around their cocks, their moans were matching each other’s and they eventually came as well. You laid on top of Cody’s chest, as MJF was laying on top of you partially squished you, but you didn’t mind you felt safe both of them panting as they held you close.

“Wow, guys,” you exhaled. “That was intense. You guys really are amazing.” MJF laughed and nodded his head. “Yeah.” Cody agreed planting a big loving kiss on your forehead, MJF doing the same on the back of your head. 

It was nice and warm laying in between the two guys, but eventually MJF got up and you groaned at the loss of warmth and snuggled deeper into Cody while he rubbed circles around your back. 

MJF got a towel and started cleaning the mess you guys had created, you looked up and smiled, him smiling back. 

“So about the baby roulette thing..” He said proudly, but you just shooted daggers at him. Cody was kissing your neck, but you could feel him smirking. 

“Ok, haha, plan b it is, I will get it for you beauty” MJF awkwardly laughed. 

“It’s okay, I’ll get it.” You got up off of Cody, but that was a mistake as you plummeted to the ground groaning in pain. “Second thought, yeah you go get it.” The boys laughed, and you let out a small giggled but quickly stopped. 

“FUCK I HAVE A MATCH TOMORROW GUYS.” The boys kept on laughing. “ITS NOT FUCKING FUNNY YOU CUNTS, SHIT.” 

Cody picked you up and placed you on the bed. Both boys sitting on either side of you, both laying a hand onto your thighs, and rubbing up and down coming extremely close to your area.

“Don’t worry sweet, we’re all calling in sick tomorrow.” Cody winked to you, and MJF slowly lifted his hand up from your thigh, grazing his hand ever so slightly over your pussy making you jump a little.

What the fuck have I gotten into.

#cody rhodes x reader #cody rhodes #cody rhodes oneshot #cody rhodes fanfiction #cody rhodes imagine #aew #wwe raw #aew fanfiction #mjf #maxwell jacob friedman #mjf x reader #mjf oneshot #mjf imagine

[an-au-blog]

Trans (ftm)Sanji who absolutely refuses to sleep with Zoro for multiple reasons. They've been together for a while but he never let's them go further than making out. (because i need to post angst more than I need air)

CW: some sexual themes!!!, body dysmorphia, easting disorder, internalized transphobia, mentioned pregnancy, emotional breakdown

Sanji's main concerns were that: 1. Zoro wouldn't want to be with him because he "wasn't a proper man", 2. he'd treat him differently or 3. he would end up pregnant. That probably terrified him the most. Everything about it was horrifying to him: the idea of carrying a living thing in his body appalled him. And even if he lived through it, he was also scared with how the child would turn out. What if it turned out like him, or even worse - like his biological brothers or father, not to mention it could be physically unwell with how much he smoked.

One day, in the heat of the moment making out, Sanji gets carried away and forgets himself. It was only when Zoro started grinding against him that he started getting nervous again. The swordsman broke the kiss and pulled away a bit. "Is something wrong? he asked, I have a feeling this isn't doing anything for you..."

Sanji realized he was talking about not feeling his erection, and he feels like a moron for letting it get to there. On autopilot he answered "I'm fine, I'm a bit under the weather is all" while lighting a cigarette. He walked out ignoring whatever Zoro tried to tell him and as soon as he was out of sight he rand to a secluded area. Thought started flooding him.

He'll think I'm not attracted to him, and then he'll break up with me, and he'll hate me, he'll find out what I am and he'll hate me, even worse - he'll think less of me, that I'm weak and tell everyone and they'll leave me, or worse.

He doesn't know when he had fallen on the ground but he was rocking himself with half a pack already gone. His vision was blurry. He wanted to scream to rip his throat open and let all the painful noises bubbling inside it. But everyone would hear... they would hear and would hate him for not being what he's supposed to... So he stood there, hoping he doesn't catch a cold, muffling his sobs best he can, and wondering why he couldn't die on that Godforsaken rock when he had the chance.

But he didn't have the power over that. What he did have the power over was his own wretched body that caused him so much pain and what he did with it.

He decided from that day on, he was going to reduce his meals in half. If he became thinner maybe what little was left of his breasts would vanish and at least he wouldn't have to wear something to suppress them. So he did. He did it as subtly as possible. But maybe didn't do it as well as he thought. He realized they might be onto him when Luffy of all people offered him some of his food. Sanji declined and lied saying he had a big lunch, so he's not hungry now. But then the next day Zoro approached him to call him out on his bullshit. He would end up pushing him away eventually, maybe if he started being meaner and more standoffish from now, it would seem less of a problem when Zoro leaves him.

Still, Sanji didn't know how to deflect the accusations, so he did what he did best and agitated him best he could. It led to a fight that Sanji lost. Not eating was more draining than he thought. They would usually tie or at least have someone interfere but he was out in less that five minutes. He was weak. As punishment, he decided he would stop eating dinner altogether.

He was good with food. He's known food all his life, and it's the only thing that he feels like he could control. So at least that, he could do.

#zosan #trans sanji #trans sanji au #zoro x sanji #sanji x zoro #zosanzo #op #zosan angst #>:]

[romamoff]

Love is for children.

Pairing: ? 😊 Warnings: none, than it being my first fic and maybe not the best! Word count: 2.5k

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Peace. The assassin didn’t quite expect to feel peace in this situation. Yet she felt calmness and warmth spread through her whole being, filling every fiber of her body and every piece of her soul and mind. Where once were racing cruel thoughts,  now settled silence. Her green eyes fell back on the other redhead of the team, currently occupied with her face only inches away from the humanoid toaster. Vision had his hands on her hips. There was a time where Natasha wished that those were her hands… but it's not her place anymore to think like that. So now, as she watches Wanda’s arms snake themselves around his neck, a shallow smile spreads across her lips and she simply turns around and leaves the kitchen again, not wanting to intrude… at least that is what she tells herself.

So apparently a broken heart isn’t as bad as people make it seem all the time. Cause after all… Love is for children. It's this thought that brought a solemn calmness into the russian. But Clint's voice suddenly cuts through the silence within her mind. “Natasha? Are you okay? What happened?” A frown forms on Natasha’s forehead as though she didn’t quite understand why his blueish-green eyes watched her with sorrow and concern. He reached out and took something of her cheek. Confusion made its way onto Natasha’s expression. But as she turned away from his strange gesture and threw a quick glance back over her shoulder her confusion vanished: as she watched Wanda now smile at Vision, whatever she was trying to tell herself made no sense anymore. Love is for children. It wasn’t the thought that calmed her, it was the wishful thinking that everybody had that thought.

No. They didn’t think like that. Wanda clearly didn’t think like that. Wanda, who smiled softly at Vision with teary eyes as if he held all the stars. Wanda clearly didn’t believe that love is for children. Wanda clearly was in love. But not with her… not with Natasha… not with me. And now all the calmness and silence in her exploded into chaos. Her heart pounded against her ribcage as if it tried to punch some sense into her. She heard her blood rush through her ears and her mouth suddenly became dry. Swallowing around a huge lump in her throat, she faced away again and fixed her eyes on one of her closest friends again. Clint reached out again and this time the former spy knew what he was getting off her cheek: tears.

She tried to tell him that she was fine and that there was nothing wrong, but her body didn’t cooperate anymore. The emotions that suddenly broke through were absolutely unfamiliar to the Widow, who grew up suppressing nearly every emotion in her body. The flood of her own feelings began to drown her: her breathing became erratic and shallow at the same time. Her chest tightened and it felt like someone poured melted steel into her insides. She felt like her blood froze in her veins and her lungs were filled with cotton, leaving no room to breathe properly. Panic filled the redhead at her own state, that now was completely out of her control. A situation completely unfamiliar and strange to the disciplined and usually put together spy.

Luckily Clint seemed to understand what was going on and grabbed her. He laid her arm across his shoulders and supported her weight at her hip, to get her quickly out of there. His heart broke for Natasha. Of course he understood what was going on even without Natasha voicing it. Any person with eyes would catch on to the situation… and he wasn’t surprised. The archer had suspected for a while that his former target was madly in love with the younger witch. Love is for children… yeah sure. He had seen the way she looked at her… the way she made sure the younger woman was safe in their missions… the way her eyes stayed on Wanda just that few seconds too long. 

Clint rushed the now sobbing woman into her own room. He knew that the spy would feel safer in her secured, well known, own safe space. With efficient and precise steps the pair made it over to the bed on one of the walls. As soon as they hit the mattress to sit down, everything inside Natasha broke. Every pent up emotion. Every feeling she pushed down. Every thought she didn’t acknowledge. One of her hands shot out of reflex up to her mouth, but to no avail: heavy sobs wracked her frame and echoed through the silence. Heaving deep breaths, she tried to regulate her stuttering breathing and regain some control. But her chest felt tight and her throat closed up on itself. She looked up at Clint with a pleading look on her face. The worry was clearly etched on his face, although to Natasha it looked unfocused as her vision got blurry by her own tears, which kept flowing down her cheeks.

Without a second thought Clint gathered one of his best friends in his arms. Even his own body started to shake with the force of the redheads’ sobs and his heart broke for Natasha all over again. Carefully he guided Natasha’s head onto his shoulder and leant his cheek on the top of her head. “We will get you through this Nat.” He murmured quietly. But that just seemed impossible to Natasha right now. She was flooded with so many conflicting emotions at once, it made her head spin and she felt dizzy and sick to her stomach. Actually, she felt her stomach turning and bile rising up her throat. Too fast for Clint to follow, the widow bolted into her own bathroom and next thing he knew, he heard her retch her guts out. But before he could sprint into action, a voice by the door made him freeze on the spot. “Natasha..?”

Unbeknownst to Clint and Natasha their abrupt exit alerted Wanda and Vision. The young sokovian must’ve grown curious to know what was wrong, cause right now she is standing in Natasha’s doorway with a worried and slightly confused look on her soft features. Clint almost gave himself whiplash with how fast his head snapped from the bathroom door to the young witch. “Wanda!” he proclaimed a bit too loud as his body jolted off the mattress and towards the young woman. His only concern right now to protect Natasha… and Wanda seeing her like this was probably the opposite of what was good for Natasha.

Green, concerned eyes searched the room, before landing on the bathroom and then fixing themselves back on the archer. “Clint, what is going on? Is Nat okay?” she asked and tried to wriggle past him into the room. But the older man gently grabbed her shoulders and threw a quick glance in the direction of the bathroom as Natasha seemed to throw up again, oblivious to what was going on in her room. “uhm… uh… yes, she just went a bit too hard on training today. You know how she can be!” He tried to brush the witches' concerns off with a half hearted chuckle. But to his misfortune Wanda wasn’t having any of it and her eyebrows scrunched in worry and a bit of confusion. Yes, Natasha was known to train really hard. But she would never risk any more harm to her body, since she is dead set on the fact that it was her strongest weapon… which might be true, but that’s beside the point!

“Oh, come on… she wouldn’t risk that. Is she sick? What’s wrong?” she inquired and pressed further. Clint actually had to apply some force now to hold her back and decided to try a different approach. “Wanda, come on. You know she wouldn’t want anyone to see her like this. She would hate that!” It seemed to do the trick, cause Wanda actually faltered in her movement and looked back at him. A fleeting look of understanding ghosted over her face but - to Clint's misery – she brushed it off and her concern for Natasha won over. “Clint please… I just want to know if she’s okay.” Wanda cringed at that… obviously Natasha was not okay, but her brain was riddled with worry and this was the only sentence she came up with.

“Is my help required?” came a voice from the hallway. Clint couldn’t help the groan that broke free as his eyes landed on the humanoid robot who definitely was not helping Natasha right now. “NO!” his voice boomed and surprised everyone… including himself. He was usually not known for outbursts, but could you blame him right now? But what really perplexed him, was the reaction of the young auburn haired woman in front of him. Wanda calmly looked back at Vision, muttering a “No, thank you.” and dismissed him with a rather cold expression. But what really threw Clint off, was the fact that Vision just nodded without a visible reaction, turned and went back the way he came from. Could this be any more confusing and chaotic?

“Wha… Wanda?” Of course! A big sigh, followed by a deep inhale came from the archer as he turned around to see that Natasha had apparently finished throwing up and was now standing there with red, puffy eyes and a horrified expression on her face. He immediately let go of Wanda and positioned himself between the two women, his back facing the witch. Natasha just looked past him, mouth agape and eyes wide in embarrassment. “Do you feel better now? Man, that chicken sandwich must’ve gone really bad!” he tried his best to offer an explanation and an excuse to Natasha. “I… uhm… yea…” she stuttered out between irregular breaths and quickly averted her eyes from Wanda back to Clint, after new tears threatened to spill upon seeing the young witch she fell so deeply for.

But leave it to Wanda to stay worried and not budging a single second. She was by Clint's side in an instance and fixed the russian with a determined, piercing glance. Natasha couldn’t help but gulp at her sudden closeness. “Don’t make me read your thoughts. I’m so worried Nat! That was the third excuse he came up with… Please..?” The young witch pleaded and laid a tender hand on Natasha’s still shaking shoulder. Clint just gave up and accepted the fact that his attempts on fixing this chaos just wouldn’t help. He stood upright and offered a small smile to Natasha. “I’ll leave you some space. I’ll be in the living room if you need anything.” The Archer turned and left the room, quietly shutting the door behind him to at least offer some privacy for his best friend.

Natasha on the other hand was very tempted to just bolt after him and get the hell out of here. But the more logical part of her brain knew damn well that she couldn’t run now anymore. Wanda wouldn’t let go of this that easily and she had to face her eventually. That still didn’t help the anxiety rising inside her like a storm. Her hands grew sweaty and began to shake as she gestured towards her bed as a signal for Wanda to take a seat. The younger witch followed that immediately and sat down gently. Natasha used the second to close her eyes shut for a second and fight down the nauseous feeling that made a comeback in her stomach. Here goes nothing.

She took a deep breath and turned to sit next to the sokovian. “Wanda…” she gritted out, but didn’t get much further as her nerves took over and her voice broke on that one word. The witch reacted on instinct and grabbed a hold of Natasha’s still shaking hand. That one point of contact set up a variety of reactions inside Natasha: she felt a tingling sensation radiating from her hand and warmth spread into her whole body. A calmness settled back in her mind, but it had a bittersweet feeling to it and Natasha had to swallow a lump in her throat back down. She took a shuddering breath and angled her body, so she could face Wanda and she saw nothing but empathy and concern in her eyes. 

Natasha actually felt her cheeks heat up, probably for the first time in her life and for a second she sits dumbfounded. Worry etched itself on Wanda’s face and she mistook Natasha’s silence for unease. “Nat… it's going to be okay. Just take your time. Do you need me to leave?” the witch spoke quietly and averted her eyes again. That seemed to pull the russian out of her trance and she physically shook off her thoughts. “No!” came the abrupt reply and Wanda’s eyes snapped back up to meet green ones again. “I… I mean, no. Please don’t leave. I need… I mean… I need to talk to you about something.” She rambled on, before she took a deep breath. “говно, why is this so hard…” Natasha murmured to herself.

“Okay, here goes nothing…” Natasha fixed her gaze on Wanda’s. If she is going to do this, she is going to do it right. Wanda deserves that. “I didn’t eat something bad…” “Yeah, figured that.” The witch cut in. “Sorry… keep going.” She added a bit sheepish and Natasha couldn’t help the fleeting smile that passed her lips, but it got swallowed by her anxiety rather quickly. “I… I saw you with Vision in the kitchen earlier..” she admitted with a defeated, shallow and broken tone in her quivering voice. The younger sokovian looked genuinely confused about that statement. “Okay… so?” Wanda wasn’t sure at all how to react to that statement.

Natasha suddenly stood up frustrated at herself and paced the room in front of the witch, feeling the need to move her anxiety ridden muscles. “I was told love is for children! My whole life I believed in that!” Wanda decided to stay quiet at that and just let Natasha get whatever it was off her chest first. “Love would make me weak! Love would give others the chance to break me! But Wanda…” Natasha seemed to wrestle with herself and a deep sigh left her mouth. “Wanda… pushing it down and losing it is what truly broke me…” The younger woman watched her intently and something inside her grew curious at that. Natasha took a few seconds to gather her next words carefully. But every rational thought had left her body and she decided to just go through with it. “Wanda… I fell for you. Love is not for children…” Suddenly a flood of emotions mixed on the witches’ face: curiosity, nerves, anxiety, empathy… but… hope? … happiness?

~A/N: I really hope it wasn't too bad!! I'd love to hear from you how you liked it! 😊

#wanda x natasha #natasha x wanda #natasha romanoff #wanda maximoff #wandanat #scarlet widow #marvel fanfiction #marvel #new fanfic #fanfic #oneshot #sapphic #new writer #new writers on tumblr #black widow #scarlet witch #new fic #angst #comfort #my first fic #please be good #wlw #avengers

[starlightsearches]

Yes come to the dark side we have daddy issues and weekly therapy lmfao

But the way I would crumble so fast. I’d try to be defiant but uh. I’d do anything he told me to

so sorry i let this sit in my inbox for so long but now it gives me an excuse to write about hux hitting it from the back so 😚

some TWs for mentions of self-harm, somnophilia, and minor dub-con elements. 18+ only. female reader.

the thing about hux is that he's quite the romantic behind locked doors.

because everything about you is so different from what he's known—being loved and touched and felt so gently.

so sex is always soaked in emotion, wet lips and nudged foreheads and his blushing pink knuckles pulling you closer anywhere he can reach.

it's heavy, and so is this, but in a different way.

hux is incendiary, leaving sparks and ashes in his wake as he stalks down the empty corridors.

it all weighs on him. feeling overpowered, over-ruled, and worst of all, feeling impotent.

and he hates it more than anything, insides of his cheeks mangled from biting back all he wished he could say until his breath stank with the coppery scent of his own blood.

anger like this doesn't go away on it's own.

he could drive it out of himself. let it drip down his fingers with the blood from his knuckles, find ways to let the hurt bloom across his skin until everything else is washed away.

it’s what he would do, before you.

he's in his quarters instead, still in uniform, staring at you from the end of the bed you share most nights.

it feels wrong, and that's what he needs right now, watching you breathe with the cadence of sleep. his eyes tracing hungrily over the slope of your back, the curve of your ass and the plush skin of your thighs.

hux is not gentle when he grips at your hips, but you don't wake. not when he tugs you towards the end of the bed, not when your head slides from the pillow.

not when he yanks the waist of your shorts down over your ass.

he's not sure when he got so hard, or how, but his cock is pulsing at the jiggle of your ass when he bares it.

hands still clad in leather gloves, he grips at the tender flesh without any thought of gentleness, spreading your ass cheeks wide, baring you to him.

and he's not angry anymore, but there's something else terrifying inside of him, a pressure, a need he can't suppress in his chest when he spies your puffy pussy glistening in the low light.

you groan when his fingers split you open, tracing your slit with slow but insistent movements.

hux just shushes you, squeezing at his handful of ass while his fingers impatiently circle your clit.

you're not as wet as he's used to, but sleep has made you pliant enough. he slips his cock from his trousers and breathes hard, stroking the tip up and down your weeping cunt.

there's a whine on your lips when the head of his cock slips inside, eyes fluttering open when he pulls your hips back to meet his.

he presses the flat of his palm firmly against your spine, keeping you right where he wants you.

"go back to sleep, love."

and maybe hux doesn't want you to see him like this. maybe he's afraid of what will bubble to the surface if you look him in the eyes.

he just wants to get lost in it—in the slap of skin and the way your ass dents against his hip bones and the bliss of your cunt fluttering around him, the pace hard and fast and not at all what he's used to.

he's close already, neck stretched long and his eyes on the ceiling, vision fogged at the edges.

he's so close, but there's a sick guilt in the pit of his stomach, a faltering in the pace of his hips.

how could he use you like this?

hux wills himself to stop, to slow the tempo of his thrusts and beg for your forgiveness on his hands and knees, to deny himself of a pleasure he's never once deserved as part of his penance.

but there's the brush of your fingers, your shaky hand covering his own, pressing him tighter against the swell of your hip.

a swift breath, the sight of your pink tongue pressed between wet lips.

"armitage," you breathe, "please."

oh.

you like this.

and he's never been able to deny you anything.

he thrusts harder, deeper into your wet and aching pussy, fingers gripping at your hips close enough to bruise.

and when he feels you cum around his cock with that delicious cry, he's completely forgotten what had him so furious in the first place.

#armitage hux x reader #armitage hux x you #general hux x reader #general hux x you #armitage hux smut #general hux smut #general hux thoughts #armitage hux thoughts #my writing

[gerrystamour]

i am thick tar on the inside burning

Rated G | Steddie Week Day 6: True | 1600 Words | Complete

Related to run it back (give me five whole minutes)

[ READ ON AO3 ]

“Y’being mean t’my boyfriend again?” Steve jumped at the sleepy voice mumbling against the back of his neck, shivering as Eddie kissed him there gently. “Wasn’t saying anything,” Steve deflected instead of trying to lie. “Didn’t hafta,” Eddie chuckled, tugging Steve until he rolled over and faced him. “You got all tense when you woke up, then tried to sneak away.” This is my entry for @steddie-week Day 6: True & Misunderstandings Basically, @patchworkgargoyle mentioned possibly added a convo about Steve's negative self-talk into run it back and I felt like a convo at that point would've been more than Steve could handle at the time, but I def wanted to write a convo, especially after seeing the tags of some of my fellow RSD sufferers. So here! A fic with one of the best coping mechanisms I've learned for RSD!

Steve slowly woke up with Eddie spooned up against his back, long arms around him tight. It was so nice that it took Steve’s mind several moments to catch up and remember what happened last night.

“Hey! Don’t talk about my boyfriend like that.”

The memories of Eddie walking in on him like that had embarrassment flooding through Steve, his ears burning with the heat of it. Yeah, Eddie was comforting last night, and yes Eddie was gentle and perfect, but again Steve was the one to be comforted and taken care of. Eddie did all the emotional labour and hadn’t he been through enough ? Couldn’t someone just take care of him for once? After all Eddie overcame, he had to be saddled with a boyfriend who couldn’t even handle one bad day at work?

The thoughts were spiraling, just as they always did when left to his own devices, but he was determined to stop them before Eddie woke up. Normally, he would mutter to himself, shame himself into knocking it off the way his father would. Sometimes, even smack himself a bit to get it to sink the fuck in . But he couldn’t do that with Eddie against him so tightly.

Maybe he could slip away from Eddie, go downstairs to start on breakfast and deal with the swirling thoughts there? It was worth a shot, so Steve carefully tried to sneak out from under Eddie’s arm, only for the man to murmur in his sleep and somehow tighten his arm around Steve.

Steve suppressed a frustrated sigh, closing his eyes and counting backward from one hundred to try to calm himself down. It was something a guidance counselor had once told him to do when he felt his anger or frustration mounting, except Steve struggled with counting backward like that, which often caused more frustration. But it was a different frustration than whatever was bothering him, so it did kind of loop around to being helpful.

“Y’being mean t’my boyfriend again?”

Steve jumped at the sleepy voice mumbling against the back of his neck, shivering as Eddie kissed him there gently.

“Wasn’t saying anything,” Steve deflected instead of trying to lie.

“Didn’t hafta,” Eddie chuckled, tugging Steve until he rolled over and faced him. “You got all tense when you woke up, then tried to sneak away.”

A hot blush overtook Steve’s face as he glanced away. “How long’ve you been awake?” he asked guiltily.

“Been kinda drifting for a couple hours,” Eddie said, reaching up to stroke Steve’s cheek gently. “Do you talk to yourself like that a lot, Stevie?”

Steve refused to look at Eddie as he shrugged. “I mean, I guess. It’s not like I’m saying anything people aren’t already thinking,” he said, his mouth twisting. “Or will think, eventually.”

“If I ever decide you’re the worst boyfriend, you will absolutely hear about it because I will say so,” Eddie said firmly. “Which is not going to even happen anyway , because you’re the furthest thing from a bad boyfriend, let alone the worst . I mean, dragging my half-dead corpse out of Hell is worth like, a billion Best Boyfriend Ever points.”

“That’s not how shit works , Eddie,” Steve said explosively, and when he moved to roll onto his back and Eddie tried to stop him, he said firmly, “Eds, I can’t have this conversation like this. I’m not trying to leave; I just need a bit of space.”

Immediately, Eddie relaxed his arms. “Sorry, Steve,” he said quietly, and guilt swarmed in Steve’s head.

“No, you’re okay, you didn’t do anything wrong, I’m sorry—”

“Don’t do that , Stevie. You need space, you can have it,” Eddie insisted, retreating from Steve a bit, but keeping his hand resting on his waist.

Steve sighed and rolled onto his back, idly playing with Eddie’s fingers where they were now splayed across his stomach. “You can say I have all these points for being a good boyfriend, but the bad shit will always take more points than I can gain,” Steve said, chewing the inside of his cheek.

“That’s—ugh, Steve, the ‘good boyfriend’ points pool is entirely separate from any other pool. You can’t lose those. But I’m done with this metaphor because you’re focusing on the wrong shit,” Eddie said with some frustration and Steve cringed. “Don’t take that like a criticism of you, babe, because it wasn’t.”

“How was that not a criticism of me ?” Steve asked angrily, hurt by Eddie’s words and how it felt as though Eddie was trying to redefine how words worked entirely.

“Okay, listen,” Eddie said, sitting up to look down at Steve and crossing his legs. “I used to say mean shit to myself all the time, still sometimes do, and a lot of times I justify it as me just ‘saying what everyone was thinking,’ too, okay?”

Steve blinked up at Eddie, confused and frowning. “I thought you didn’t care what anyone else thought about you,” he said after a bit, trying to reconcile what he was hearing with the Eddie he had come to know.

“Oh, Stevie, I was full of shit with that whole shtick in high school. I cared very much about what everyone thought back then, I just worked really hard to make it seem like I didn’t,” Eddie confessed with a laugh. “By my third senior year, I was closer to not caring but still. I did. A lot.”

“How do you stop, though?” Steve asked and Eddie sighed, shrugging.

“I just think about what the person actually said,” he said, and Steve rolled his eyes.

“I already do that , Eds,” he huffed, looking away.

“No, you think about what they meant , not what they said ,” Eddie said, turning Steve’s face toward him again with a finger on his chin.

“It’s the same thing,” Steve bit out, again feeling frustration building at Eddie just deciding that words didn’t mean what they meant .

“Okay, I said ‘you’re focusing on the wrong shit’ which I will concede, the swearing was maybe too much, sue me, I swear. How did you take that?” Eddie asked.

“That I’m wrong, that I can’t even pay attention to what you’re saying. That I’m stupid, slow,” Steve said in a rush, forcing himself to hold Eddie’s gaze.

Eddie’s expression turned so sad that Steve regretted saying anything. “Okay, now repeat what I actually said ,” Eddie instructed.

“That I was focusing on the wrong shit,” Steve said flatly, still not seeing the point of the exercise.

“Did I say you were stupid? Or slow?” Eddie asked, and Steve shook his head lightly. “Did I say you were wrong, and that you couldn’t focus on what I was saying?”

Steve opened his mouth to argue that Eddie had said that but when he turned the sentence over in his head, he realized that Eddie hadn’t. Yes, those words were used, but not in the order necessary for Steve’s understanding to be correct.

“I was just stating a fact. I tried to comfort you with a joke and got you caught up in a metaphor. That’s it, baby, it wasn’t me criticizing you,” Eddie said emphatically.

“But most of the time people do mean it like that,” Steve insisted, and Eddie nodded.

“Yeah, probably, but that’s not your problem,” he said with a shrug. “If they’re not going to be up front about it, fuck’em.”

“It’s not that simple, Eds!” Steve insisted, covering his face with both hands.

“Okay, listen, I’ve never had to describe how I shut my brain up when it’s being annoying, so give me a second,” Eddie said with a determined huff. When Steve looked at him again, Eddie was thinking hard and obviously hamming it up a bit, propping his chin on his fist while he hummed.

When Steve laughed lightly, Eddie looked down at him again with a tight-lipped grin.

“Okay, so, when someone says something to me and I immediately start beating myself up about it, I stop and think about the actual words and if I said that to someone I cared about, how would I mean it?” Eddie eventually said.

“I would mean exactly what I said,” Steve supplied, understanding starting to break through.

“Exactly. And every time my brain tries to insist it’s a mind-reader, I just keep repeating the actual words. Ignore the tone, think about the words until the brain stops,” Eddie said, shrugging. “It takes a lot of work, but I call myself stupid a lot less and that’s a bonus.”

Steve blinked up at him, turning the words over in his head. “That’s genius, Eds,” Steve said softly before frowning. “But what about when the people do mean it?”

“Honestly, babe, fuck those people,” Eddie said with a shrug. “You can’t control what they think, so what’s the point making yourself sick over it? And still, unless you’re a mind-reader or they admit to it, you’re still just assuming.”

Steve smiled up at Eddie. “You make that sound so easy,” he said after a minute and Eddie tilted his head.

“Just have more practice working on it. Like I said, I still deal with this shit, and sometimes I still slip up, but it gets easier,” Eddie said, then he sprawled out on top of Steve with a wide grin. “But I promise, right here and now, that I will only ever mean exactly what I say when I say it to you, okay, Stevie? No matter my tone, no matter my face, the words out of my mouth are the full message.”

“Nothing between the lines?” Steve asked, his voice almost a whisper as he stared up at Eddie in awe.

“Why would I do that when I can just as easily say what I mean?” Eddie replied, kissing the tip of Steve’s nose.

“Okay,” Steve said, then took a deep breath. “And I promise I’ll try your way of dealing with this stuff, too.”

“Good,” Eddie said with a happy sound. “Now, gimme a kiss.”

“Your breath is rancid, Eds—”

“So is yours! Gimme kisses!”

“ Fine … Love you.”

“Love you, too, Stevie.”

[AO3 LINK]

I hope you enjoy and please consider reblogging! Taglist! @scarcrossdlvrs, @steddie-there, @indigohightide, @steddieas-shegoes, @steve-harringtits, @mylilplanet, @afewproblems, @xenon-demon, @inairbinad, @matchingbatbites

#steddie #steve x eddie #steddieweek2023 #steve harrington #eddie munson #steve/eddie #gerry writes

[honeycollectswhump]

Can we get any insight into Ashtray's conditioning/training, or maybe Mistress trying many different types of cigarettes to compare the taste (and how they burn him differently)? He's my new favorite little guy :)

congrats, you unlocked some lore! i hope you enjoy the little hints about who ashtray used to be :)

A Step Towards Ashtray

[masterlist]

CW: isolation, captivity, emotional distress, cigarette burn, implied pet whump

Behind the heavy, metal door there is a young man, though legally that description would be wrong. Behind the door, there is a future companion object, handpicked to satisfy his potential buyers in any way possible. But then again, right now he is barely at the start of his journey to becoming a perfect companion object, so Eskil Thorn just calls him a trainee, his trainee. 

It had been quite the odyssey over the past two weeks or so, watching the trainee scream and claw at the door, sobbing a certain name. Of course, that did nothing to help him. Eskil knows the recipe to the perfect start is letting the trainees simmer in isolation for a bit before introducing them to their future purpose. Now that the screaming has finally stopped, maybe from exhaustion or his voice giving out, it’s a sign for Eskil to start the process.

Stepping inside, he takes in the sight before him. The trainee is curled on the floor –like a feral dog– staring at him with red-rimmed but beautifully big blue eyes. Bits of ripped-out hair lay around him and Eskil makes a mental note to nip that behaviour in the bud. His golden-blond hair is one of the trainee's assets, which will eventually put him in a high price range and Eskil can’t let him ruin that.

“Are you ready for your lesson?”

The trainee nods frantically.

“Please, sir, anything! I– I can’t– please!” he rasps, inching forward to Eskil. 

If he were any other designation, Eskil would love the begging. It’s always a sweet surprise when the trainees exhibit these behaviours early on. Unfortunately however, that won’t be a necessary skill for him, though it is undeniably a promising start.

With shaking hands, the trainee grasps onto Eskil’s pants, his eyes shining with tears. “Don’t leave me alone, sir, please!”

Perfect.

“Sure, I’ll stay with you for a while. But you have to do something for me first.”

See, where the other handlers try to force it, Eskil lets his trainees take their first steps on their own. And to get them motivated, isolation works wonders. 

The trainee is basically vibrating with desperation. It’s not his first lesson. He doesn’t beg to be let out anymore, not since they shocked his signature out of him, and he’s given up on insisting on “his name”. Instead, it is a sort of resigned despair that makes him perfectly malleable.  

“Wh-what do you want me to do?”

With a smile, Eskil pulls out a cigarette and a lighter from his pocket. Something warm prickles in his chest as he looks at the lighter, a gift from his wife, decorated with small doodles. Slowly, he lights the cigarette and takes a single drag, watching smoke fill the room. 

He sits down, his legs crossed, and lets himself be warily watched by the trainee. They stay like that in silence, Eskil sitting patiently, the trainee kneeling on all fours before him like a dog, seemingly undecided between wanting to lean away in suspicion and throwing himself in Eskil’s lap. 

Then, he holds out the burning cigarette, inching it closer to the trainee, who just blinks uncomprehendingly. Maybe his future purpose is still beyond his understanding, Eskil supposes. 

“Come on, give me your arm, will you.” 

The trainee flinches and gawks at him with those big blue eyes, his lip twitching as he suppresses a cough. 

“Why?” he whispers, his eyes fixating on the cigarette. Still, he doesn’t move away from Eskil’s vicinity.

“Oh,” Eskil chuckles, “I think you know exactly what for. Now, don’t you want to be a good boy? It’ll be worth it, it’ll all be worth it in the end, I promise.”

Eskil just watches the trainee’s shocked expression morph between conflicting emotions. The promised touch is like a drug in his starved and isolated state. Until eventually, the trainee nods, defeated. He holds out his arm as if he could choose.

Deliberately, Eskil moves the cigarette bud closer and closer to his shoulder. The trainee only tenses up, flinching away from the heat, but makes no move to flee. 

The cigarette makes contact with his skin and he lets out a strangled yelp, eyes flitting to Eskil’s face, as if trying to figure out if this noise would be enough to make Eskil leave. 

Ash spreads over the trainee’s pale skin. There is barely a mark beneath it yet, but it will come in time—his first burn blister of hopefully many. 

Satisfied, Eskil flicks the extinguished cigarette to the side and opens his arms. After a breath of hesitation Eskil pretends not to notice, the trainee flings himself into his embrace, his chest hitching with silent sobs. 

He claws into Eskil’s shirt with a feral need that goes beyond the two weeks of isolation, beyond the acclimation period after the walk-in. Maybe he sees something in him, some sort of figure he lost and whose comfort he secretly grieved. It is all out in the open now, the trainee’s soul ripped fresh open for the world to see. A brief burst of vulnerability, soon to be replaced by perfect obedience. 

Suddenly, hesitantly, the trainee raises his head from Eskil’s shoulder, catching his gaze with immense sorrow.

“Sir? What… what will happen to my little brother? N-now that he’s all alone and he’s never been alone, I’ve always been there for him and he’s–”

Eskil shushes him softly, laying one hand on the back of the trainee’s head.

“There’s no my for you anymore, never forget that. But I’m sure he’ll manage.”

taglist: @whumpsday, @2in1whump, @sodacreampuff, @webbo0, @toyybox, @clickerflight let me know if you want to be added or removed :)

#so sorry but his little brother didn't manage #not at all in fact #catch polly and me sobbing about that in the dms #The Ashtray #ashtray/skye (oc) #eskil thorn (oc) #(in case that guy will make a reappearance. he's ashtray's main handler) #whumper and whumpee #whumper pov #implied pet whump #conditioning #touch starved whumpee #isolation whump #captivity whump #cigarette burns #conditioning whump #human ashtray #ashtray whump #implied kidnapping #if you find any mistakes no you didn't #asks #anon

[nebulousfishgills]

Please do share the notes with us 👀

Okay, let me transcribe *exactly* word for word what I wrote down in my journal for you all (Again, bear in mind that my bestie and I have NOT finished the game yet, so this isn't the full list, I will be adding more):

(The whole dialogue exchange between Henry and Brenner when Henry's getting his tattoo touched up and calls Brenner a parasite because *chef's kiss*)

Orange for Lunch??

Freedom in mind void to ability suppression

Windows

Russian Spies?

Losing Control of the hivemind?

Eleven makes him emotional?

Control over the hivemind is fickle?

"Creepy Henry" by the other kids

Mind Flayer bullies him

Using the hivemind to hunt for Eleven

"Obsession is how you love"

Eating dinner away from the rest of the family as a child

Comic books

Eggs?

Flies around like Spider-Man with the vines

Corpses = Trophies

Spiders = Muse

Mind Flayer communicates to Henry with Brenner's voice

"Most human thing about him" is feeling time

"Tied down like your mother" ??

Physically inside brains?

Obsession with the past

Obsession the only way he can connect

Influence only goes as far as the corruption

Ants? Spiders eat ants?

Chapter 2 says November 1983

Mind Flayer wants to devour everything

Will the key

Chapter 3 The Possession of Will Byers

Vecna in communication with Will

Manipulates Will's memories?

"I understand you more than anybody else"

Can possess technology?

Sows seeds of doubt

"You'll finally matter to someone, Will"

Fascinated by environment (nerd)

Mind Flayer absorbs Henry's memories

Studies Henry

Brenner said he'd take the chip out

Stole some of the Flayer's power?

Mind Flayer is a DICK

Keeps escaping Mind Flayer's influence

Rewarded for hurting things

Saw Eleven like a sister - "Alice"

Eleven was the "replacement?"

Mind Flayer deadass pulls out a "rate your emotions" chart

Henry corrupts the Upside Down

We stopped in the middle of the memory nexus loop since the headset was dying and it was getting late, but that's what I've written down so far. I'll update this once we finish the game and then maybe come up with a more comprehensive analysis post.

#as you can tell my train of thought is interesting #the notes don't accurately portray the wide array of thoughts I had but I tried #i'm so excited to finish the game but it likely won't be for a couple days because 'somebody' has shit to do apparently #i'd have written down more visual details but the stream feed was like looking at a damn mosaic picture it was so grainy #also here's where i'm gonna choose to praise jcb's voice work becayse GYAT #sir you did not need to say some of those lines the way you did this shit's gonna get clipped so hard #i'm upset that i got butterflies so much #anyways #fishgills speaks #anonymous asks #stranger things #stranger things vr #st vr #stranger things vr game #st vr spoilers #stranger things vr spoilers #stranger things spoilers #henry creel

[the-grand-gemini]

Wyll Ravengard thoughts/writing prompt:

Wyll's identity is so heavily focused on his father, which absolutely makes sense given his upbringing with only the one parent, but that doesn't mean sometimes Wyll never wonders what his life would be like if she'd been there. He doesn't necessarily miss his mother as he never had her, but there are moments of "what if". What would father be like, would his expectations have been the same, would his mother have stopped him from being sent away, would she have come with him if Ulder would not let him remain in Baldur's Gate, would she too have cast him out, would she have written to him after he left the Gate, would she make father stay in touch too? Wyll carries a sense of loss and nostalgia he has no means of placing. His mother is an empty shadow in his mind.

Which brings me to this: I can't get the idea out of my head that after Wyll is transformed he feels he's lost part of the gift that his mother gave him. Specifically his eyes. Are Ulder Ravengard's eyes also brown like Wyll's? Probably, but maybe Wyll's eyes were the same shade of brown his mother's were... He had already lost one during battle, and now his remaining eye has been touched by the Hells.

The scene that made me think of this is when Karlach is mourning the loss of the heart that her mother gave her. I feel like Wyll is still probably in relative shock over his changed form and is experiencing body dysmorphia. He would hear Karlach's words and suddenly have another moment of heart break. A thought that had not sat with him yet while too busy trying to adjust to his new form and survive their adventure. The gift that his mother gave him has been corrupted and it's his fault.

(Not that it's actually his fault given that he was a teenager when forced to take Mizora's deal, but you can't tell me Wyll doesn't feel guilty at times for "failing" to meet his father's expectations and internalized that sense of shame)

Even though he's never really met his mother as she passed before he could know her, he feels another level of loss. The body she died giving to him has been altered, the eye(s) in the mirror watching him are no longer his mother's. Maybe one day there will be some relief. His changed body is a means of stepping out of the shadow of who his father expected him to be. But for now there is loss and mourning a gift given by someone he never knew.

I just feel like Wyll doesn't get as much writing and we don't really get to deeply explore the horror of having your body altered without your consent! Which thematically everyone in the party is desperately trying to avoid having their body altered via the illithid tadpol! What we do get are a few brief lines saying that we are sorry and that he's still himself (as well as very handsome if not more so because... horns 👀💦).

I need to read about Wyll mourning himself and accepting his new body. Confronting his father for abandoning him in a time of need. Remembering his father choosing his duty to the city over his duty to him as his child. I mean he could have retired! He and Wyll could have moved to the country OR travelled the coast together fighting for others! However that didn't happen and I feel like a bigger discussion is needed before healing that bond.

You can't tell my young Wyll Ravengard, who loves his father so much he already forgave him the moment he was cast out, didn't cry his heart out alone under the night sky the first time he was on his own. That he doesn't suppress those emotions constantly, because yes he doesn't regret sacrificing himself to protect the people of Baldur's Gate, but that doesn't mean he doesn't weep knowing his father's love was conditional.

I need a discussion where he worries that Tav may choose to leave him someday if he cannot meet their expectations. He knows its unfounded, but the hurt inside himself remains.

I want to see Wyll struggle with his changed body and rediscover himself. Either with the support of a romanced Tav or just the entire team as a supportive found family there to help him.

If anyone wants to use this as a writing prompt please go ahead and tag me if you do so I can read it!

#wyll ravengard #wyll my beloved #bg3 spoilers #bg3 #character exploration #loss #body dysmorphia #tw dysmorphia #hurt/comfort #headcanon #daddy issues #parental neglect #abandoment issues #found family #I love Wyll Ravengard #i will die on this hill #at this point im treating BG3 like a book club #writing prompt #bg3 writing prompt #bg3 headcanons #self-indulgent post