#maybe i’ll post some of the other stuff later. if i. don’t die from homework 💀

[atypical-insamniac]

shirt off lava quick sketch (:

#ninjago #ninjago art #cole brookstone #kai smith #lavashipping #fshsjfh themmm >> one of my favorite ninja ships </3 #feat the smudge tool for some reason ._. #part of a larger group of headcanon sketches about genderfluid kai with top surgery #maybe i’ll post some of the other stuff later. if i. don’t die from homework 💀 #finn’s art

[arachnidiots-a]

can we hear more abt piper pretty please

!!!!! absolutely !!!!! i’ll probably make a more expansive post later for piper along the lines of what martin and emmett have with their mini wikis but …

piper is a former classmate of liam’s from university. the two shared a lot of environmental science classes together, but never were really more than the occasional buddies and homework helpers. they were the kinds of acquaintances you get when you sit next to someone on the first day and then just text when you have a question about class. through undergrad there really isn’t much going on, liam does really want to be friends but they don’t know how to quite make the jump from acquaintance to friend.

life then gets in the way for liam— in main verse this would be liam going on their multiverse tour for a hot bit and then dropping out of college when they return. in other verses it’s either sports or crazy life altering accidents that occupy liam’s mind a bit more than any college lecture. in music verse liam just focuses on their music here because they’re kinda gaining traction! actually in tl verse, piper’s timeline gets switched around a bit and she’s a bigger part of college liam’s life. that and pjo piper is also pretty different but that’s because it’s pjo

the two reconnect some years down the road, piper’s pursuing a phd in physics and liam is doing all sorts of stuff on their own (building the web network, touring, firefighting, vigilante-ing). piper’s committed and steadfast to her work and her career, research is kind of everything. she doesn’t take to workplace shenanigans all too well, but where liam is concerned… piper finds herself bending some rules. for someone in a research and patience based field, piper is known to be a little impatient. she’ll go check on stuff, take over the action, or simply triple email if she doesn’t get what she’s looking for too quickly. there’s a pretty high level of confidence to her (she’s earned it!) and she wears it quite well. there’s hardly a maybe, perhaps, or don’t know in her day to day vocabulary.

piper is however a tragic and doomed character. she’s fated to die in the arms of liam who will not be able to save her no matter the circumstance. she’s a little bit of a gwen in that way for liam— not intentionally, piper just happens to be an npc and liam happens to have quite a few verses on here where i keep adapting the main story towards other verses. there’s definitely worlds out there where piper doesn’t die, and both of them get to live but those worlds are tragic in their own ways. there’s probably a world or two where they do end up together, or even break up but it’s not because of any fate or destiny.

i could go on and on about main piper and the various different alt verse pipers but it is also apparently one am so!! if you want to know anything specific feel free to send more asks!!

#so much to say about piper… thanks for the ask!!! ily!!! #i tried to keep this mostly on piper but her main post will feature a lot of how she impacts liams life and what the role is there #LK. UNFINISHED FIRST LOVE / dyn. piper lowery #LK. BELIEVE / headcanons #inquire within / asks #tw death mention

[ofstarsandskies]

OutOfCanonShips;; Huzzah, the Modern AU drabble I put off for actually 8 years is finished! Feelsgoodman. Now to catch up on drafts now that I'm free of this beast I set out to finish. Didn't help I lost progress about 5 separate times, including an hour ago. Cross-posted onto AO3 as usual. Enjoy!

Content Warning (cw): Victor/Ludger centric (though in the AU, they're not related), also maybe Victor/Julius if you're feeling spicy.

"Ludger, I'm home!" Elle's sunny cheer lasted just that sentence once she had a look at him. "You're wearing that shirt again? You had it on yesterday!"

"D-Did I? Um, white's just my favorite color is all!" Ludger side-stepped the issue, something his audience didn't appreciate. But telling her 'your dad will kill me if I try to leave the house' would be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

His master (awful as it is to remind himself…) told him Day 1: 'Your entire life now depends on pleasing me', after all…

"…Whatever," Elle brushed past him, taking her usual seat at the kitchen table and dumping her book bag.

He understood her critique, really. He wished more than her he could do something about it, too. But until Victor sent orders to deliver him a fresh batch of clothes, he had to make due with the table scraps his master fed him.

It still beat the first few days of swapping between pajamas Victor lent him and his street clothes from when Victor’s men kidnapped him. Every morning, he'd do a small load of laundry every night before bed, throw his normal clothes in, and wake up a bit before both Victor and Elle to start their day in proper attire.

Only sometime later on a random afternoon did a bodyguard drop off enough dress shirts, dress pants, and neckties to last about a week. While not as nice as a full closet, having some variety let him pretend he reclaimed a tiny piece of a normal life. So, with a little mix-and-matching, he at least looked a bit different every day for his going-on two months of captivity.

A couple weeks using this system though, Elle made it clear she found this ‘habit’ weird. She’d ask every now and then if he liked wearing the same seven outfits, which Ludger’d segue into any other topic to avoid answering any questions which could hint at his… situation. It worked for a while, but Elle was bright for her age; his diversion tactics wouldn’t fool her forever.

Fast forward to today's instance of complaining at his lacking wardrobe. She didn't buy the 'its a favorite' line given her low grumble and dirty look, but least she dropped it to focus on her homework: a reading passage with a vocabulary list which felt way more advanced than what he remembered learning in class. The woes (or perks?) of attending a fancy private school maybe?

Halfway into her vocabulary work, Elle set down her pencil. He readied some encouragement, though not before she hit him with a difficult question, “Why don’t you buy new clothes, Ludger? Daddy and I have a whole closet, but you wear the same stuff every week!”

“Well, I…” Ludger fiddled with his tie, trying to whisk up a decent excuse. “I-I don’t have the time! Between cleaning the house, watching you, cooking meals, and taking care of what your father asks me to do, my only free time’s when I’m sleeping. Why, I wouldn’t even have spare clothes if your father’s men hadn’t dropped some off for me during work!”

Sadly, that answer wasn’t enough, “You should ask Daddy to let you take a day off to go shopping!”

“I-I can’t do that. If I’m gone, who’s going to take care of you?”

“Then I’ll go too! I’ll make sure to pick out something less lame and dorky for you!”

“I-I…” Ludger’s grave kept digging with no lifeline to save him. Unless Victor came home early, there was still another hour before the man got off work. He couldn’t be honest--Victor’s orders always ended with a ‘or you will die’--and he’d exhausted every excuse in the book. So…

“Um… ask your father about it when he comes home! If he says yes, then I’m sure it’s fine. But if he says you can’t go, there’s nothing I can do.” He’d probably get yelled at for pushing this predicament on Victor’s shoulders, but better yelled at then dead.

Elle pouted for a moment, waiting for him to change answers. A silent stare down followed for minutes, though eventually she picked her pencil back up and continued where they left off.

“Fiiiiiiine. But if Daddy says yes, you better not make more excuses not to go!”

That garnered a light chuckle, “I’m already looking forward to it. Maybe you’ll find my fashion sense better than your father’s.”

“Anything’s better than what Daddy gets. He always picks boring work stuff.”

Elle had a point, the most dressed down Ludger had even seen his boss still left him in business casual. That dress philosophy carried to Ludger’s current line-up: nothing but dress shirts, dress pants, and a proper suit for when Victor brought over special guests. It wasn’t too dissimilar to his usual look, but what Ludger wouldn’t give to wear a plain old t-shirt again…

“I’ll be sure not to pick anything boring. Blade Union’s got some cool shirts that look ‘worky’ enough to make your father happy.”

“Eh, who cares if it makes Daddy happy,” Elle said, flicking away the thought. “This is your shopping trip. We’re picking what WE think looks good on you, and he’s gotta deal with it.”

“Heh, okay, we’ll make him just watch the whole time.”

“As he should!”

With the two in agreement, Ludger left the table to check the fridge. There was just enough rose petal jam to make crepes; he’d use tonight’s dessert as his way to show his appreciation beyond a simple ‘thank you’. Ludger could already imagine the bright smile on her face once she took a bite.

If I start them now, they should be done by the time Victor’s home… Ludger thought as he reached over for the large mixing bowl.

--- --- ---

Right as Ludger handed Elle her plate, the front lock clicked open. Ludger followed his usual procedure and waited near the door. Once Victor stepped in, he bowed. “Welcome home, sir!” He greeted, reaching to remove his boss’ coat and hang it on the coat rack. “I made rose jam crepes for Elle just a moment ago. I set aside a few if you’d like some.”

“Maybe later,” Victor dismissed the offer, heading straight to the kitchen table to check on Elle. “How was school today, Elle?”

“It was fine,” Elle replied. “Daddy, can I ask you something?” Once her father nodded, she didn’t mince words, “Can you take me and Ludger clothes shopping tomorrow? Ludger needs new ones!”

Victor's perfect composure briefly cracked at the question, “What’s wrong with the clothes he has now?”

“He wears the same dorky stuff every day! And when I said he should buy new clothes, Ludger said no cuz he’s too busy watching me! So I promised I’d take him shopping and find him something good to wear!”

Victor didn't answer Elle right away, his face unreadable as he stared through his daughter. When he finally responded, he stood up from his chair, “Let me talk to Ludger about it.”

Ludger instantly regretted ever suggesting Elle should ask Victor once he meets his boss’ gaze. He knew he messed up whenever he saw that look-- this wouldn’t be a pleasant conversation. Alas, Ludger could no nothing but follow Victor into his bedroom and watch him lock the door behind them.

“Were you the one to suggest Elle take you out shopping?”

“N-No, I--!” Ludger’s desperate response almost cut Victor off. “Elle asked me why I don’t buy more clothes, and I told her I’m just too busy. But when she insisted, I said to ask you when you came home.” With that, he took a breath to calm down and bowed, “I apologize for not handling the matter myself, sir.”

The angry look Ludger feared was gone, but his nerves couldn’t settle with the silence replacing it. Did he do the right this? Was Victor satisfied or is his boss deciding how to punish him? Should he lament losing his one chance to experience normalcy after so long?

“Ludger,” Victor’s hand touching his cheek made his whole body flinch. His boss paid it no mind and continued, “Can I trust you won’t use this as an opportunity to run away?”

“You can, sir. I won’t leave yours or Elle’s sides for one second.”

Victor withdrew his hand. “Alright. I have one condition,” Off his boss went into his walk-in closet. A baseball cap that's collected a fair bit of dust and a pair of thick sunglasses were in his hands upon his return. “Be sure to wear these while we’re out. I’d hate for my pretty manservant to catch the wrong set of eyes.”

“Um… I’ll be sure to remember them, sir.” Ludger couldn’t tell if Victor meant his remark entirely in jest; he loved his empty innuendos. Nonetheless, he'd revel in the opportunity to feel the sun on his skin from beyond an open window. A few conditions wouldn't dampen his future good time.

Talk over, Victor opened the door and let Ludger out first to break the news to Elle. As expected, she tore through half her crepes already. The second she spotted him, she spun around in her chair.

"Did Daddy say yes?"

“He did, so don’t stay up late tonight. We’ll want to head out in the morning to avoid the afternoon crowds.”

“I won’t! But you gotta go to bed early too, Ludger! We’re not leaving till you got a closet as big as mine!”

While a heartwarming sentiment, it brought up an excellent point… where would he put his new clothes? Ludger didn’t have his own space-- his things sat on a single shelf in the corner of Victor’s closet. It’d fit another two outfits at best, but any more… he'd need way more space.

Checking Victor's expression, he didn’t object, so… maybe he graduated from ‘tiny clothes pile’ to hangers! Or at least a second shelf. Whatever saved him from restacking the same tiny pile every few days.

“I promise I won’t stay up any later than work asks me to,” Ludger wished he could offer a less half-baked promise, but those decisions weren’t up to him anymore.

Elle got the hint and assaults Victor with her best puppy-dog eyes, “Daddy, can Ludger have a break tonight, pleaaase? He can finish his chores tomorrow, can't he?”

Not even a stone cold criminal could resist Elle’s cuteness, “Alright, I’ll let him take tonight off after dinner.”

"Yay, thanks Daddy!"

With that, Elle's eyes fell on him as she held her hand up. Ludger nodded to show he's listening, assuming she forgot they weren't in class. When she cleared her throat without taking it down though, the gears clicked and he gave her a proper high five.

I'm really not used to having friends anymore, am I?

"What's on the menu tonight, Ludger?" Victor asked the important question.

"I'm thinking an old favorite of mine, mabo curry. My caretaker loved theirs with extra tomatoes, but I can cook a tomato-free version too."

Elle stuck out in disgust, "Ew, who'd ever want extra tomatoes?! Tomatoes are grosser than broccoli, celery, and spinach combined!"

"Tomatoes aren't that bad," Ludger'd argue the former three were tasty too, but all kids had their 'vegetables suck' phase. "Though I'll admit, the extra tomato version's something only my b--caretaker could love."

Hopefully Victor didn't read into that brief slip. Keeping Julius nondescript as possible might already be in vain, but if this ritual had the slightest chance of protecting his brother? He'd do anything.

"Sounds good," Good, no further question. "Cook three tomato-free mabo curries."

"Yes, sir!"

Despite the command, Ludger's hand subconsciously drifted to the beautiful organic tomatoes his brother'd kill to eat raw. Old habits die hard no matter how long, huh?

I hope you're still eating your favorites with a smile, Brother. Ludger prays somehow, his thoughts reach Julius as he grabs the pork instead. I miss you.

--- --- ---

"You're retiring to bed already?"

Sorting through documents since dinner, Victor didn't notice Ludger already changed into pajamas. A shame, really-- Ludger's slimmer build caused the collar to drift far down enough to bare a flawless pale shoulder. He'd willingly change that if Ludger grew more receptive to his advances.

"I promised Elle I wouldn't stay up past work, remember?" Ludger's bold almost caught him off-guard. His pet always spoke to him in his proper place. What changed? "But if you need something, I'm at your service, sir!"

"I should be content for the evening," An unknown entity within him guided his hand to gently stroke Ludger's soft hair. "Goodnight, Ludger."

"Goodnight, sir!"

Ludger snuggled into his spot on Victor's bed and fell asleep in minutes. A stark contrast to his first weeks here of pretending he wasn't awake and waiting until Victor fall asleep first, then waking up long before him to start his morning ritual. Assurances his orders weren't a ploy to murder him or steal his virtue while he slept went ignored.

Though Victor saw through the ruse, he found no need to stop it; observing if Ludger's acting skills improved from the previous night amused him enough. His act never reached anywhere near convincing, not helped by Victor's teasing him on occasion.

Rolling closer or reaching over to smooth a few locks of Ludger's hair back always made him flinch or suck in an extra breath. And when that got boring, Victor pushed Ludger's limits by asking his pet to huddle real close so he could hold him.

Ludger couldn't look him in the eye for longer than a second that whole night. Honestly, how someone Ludger's age could be so innocent and satisfying to tease is a marvel. The caretaker Ludger loved mentioning must've worked a full-time job warding off the disgusting realities of this world.

Whatever devilry they worked, watching his pretty manservant blissfully snore away stirred an odd feeling in him. Something close to how he once felt looking at his late wife, yet not as strong.

…Hmph. Best he not think that through. Once Victor "trusted" Ludger enough to keep this mess a secret, he'd be out the door.

Unless... For whatever reason, Ludger chose to stay. Elle would like that. She ignored the maids Victor fired in the past, but Ludger? Today proved how much she adored his company.

Come to think of it, Elle's never been this happy since Lara passed away. What am I lacking compared to Ludger?

Though he phrased it like a question, Victor knew the answer: he lost his humanity.

Bisley's molding reduced the people around him into pawns in his grand designs, be it in official Spirius business or his orders as the Kresnik Syndicate's boss. Dead bodies were also an inconvenience to clean up, not a precious life lost.

He and everyone who worked for his syndicate knew and accepted their world ruined lives. Hell, some reveled in the destruction and despair their work caused. Victor certainly did, though whether those feelings were by his own volition or Bisley's grooming, he couldn't say.

Though there were times he wished his humanity came back. Caring for Elle without Lara's guidance was more an actor following the script of a loving parent than the genuine gestures from a normal, loving father. He knew he loved her--he'd burn the world down in her name--yet what he called love would never be the same as Elle's or Ludger's.

Alas, regaining humanity after staining your hands time and again is a feat nobody in this rotten world achieved.

--except, perhaps, one individual. His company's former right hand.

Why can't I escape you, Julius?

Julius Will Kresnik, the man his father once called his greatest asset and deadliest weapon. Spirius employees and Kresnik members alike would've sacrificed everything in his name back in his prime. Rivals also feared his wrath should they step on the Kresnik's toes.

And yet, when the power to control Elympios itself as Bakur's successor lay in his hands? He threw it away.

"I'm humbled by your offer. However, I have more important matters to attend to right now. I wish you good luck, Mr. Kresnik," were the last words Julius ever said to him. That 'important matter' he'd attended to? Vanishing from Spirius and the Kresniks without a trace.

The sole lead (assuming it's even related) in Julius' disappearance was members of the Cyber Attack Unit reported "the kid" stopped showing up days after. Records of his or her existence were purged by the time anyone noticed; perhaps "the kid" worked with Julius to plug any physical and digital holes their mutual desertion attempt left behind. It mattered not-- fodder like him or her die off every so often.

What did matter is in the end? Julius' plan worked. By the time Victor cemented himself as Spirius' CEO and the Kresnik Syndicate's Boss, tracking Julius down meant dedicating time and manpower towards a wild goose chase that could last years.

Crown's best work, all in service of running away.

Eight years later, Victor still never pieced together what possessed Julius to so thoroughly bury his past. Bakur wouldn't have called Julius his most loyal if doubt ever clouded him; what could've broken such a resilient tool? So many questions left rotting for eternity.

If Julius wanted to pretend those thirteen years never happened? As long as he didn't snitch, fine. Not what Victor wanted, but fine.

Perhaps after his fantasy lost its luster, he might come to his senses. Victor's men made that wish no secret; those in higher positions couldn't escape Crown comparisons. Complaints under breaths about how there wouldn't be any issues if Crown were in charge persisted as well.

Julius' departure lay far behind them, and yet his influence hadn't faded one bit.

How shameful. A boss of my esteem, reduced to wishes I'd see a spineless deserter again…

Should Victor ever uncover the rock Julius crawled under, he wanted a thousand and one things from him. His undying loyalty, his extensive skills, his limitless connections, his prestigious history… everything he could want in a tool, Julius could provide. Yet what he wanted most, after seeing the warmth and joy he couldn't emulate from his beloved daughter and pet, was to ask him two questions.

Julius, how did you rekindle your humanity? Victor mused as he pet the boy who almost shared his name. Or did you never lose it?

Ludger continued sleeping soundly, his faint snores somehow soothing Victor's thoughts as he drifted off into slumber.

#d;; Fables of a Vacant Sky #au;; An Ordinary Life #jau;; A Not So Ordinary Life #[I remember when I said this would be 1.5k words.] #[Now it's double that.] #[Gonna pray my joke of 'Part 2 with be 2x that' isn't true cause if not WHEW BOY.]

[renegadeontherunn]

happiness by taylor swift is a disaster lineage song, sorry I don’t make the rules

okay so yes I should be writing or doing homework instead of making this extremely rambly, slightly incoherent post but it’s friday so I’m vibing and you lovely people get to join me!

this is the ultimate star wars grief song for our tcw trio and I see it in three different contexts:

Ahsoka’s POV to Anakin, Obi-Wan, and the Order after she leaves in the season 5 finale

Ahsoka & Rex during/after Order 66

Obi-Wan & Ahsoka to Vader (Obi-Wan on Tatooine and (REBELS SPOILERS) Ahsoka after her duel with him in The Twilight of the Apprentice—for reference, I’ve only seen parts of Rebels so if some of that stuff is inaccurate, let me know!)

so we go . . .

honey when I’m above the trees / I see this for what it is

on a ship, in the Force, in hindsight

but now I’m right down in it / all the years I’ve given / is just shit we’re dividing up / showed you all of my hiding spots

#1: Ahsoka’s years learning in the Order, being a Padawan, her dedication to the Jedi and her faith to their teachings (”the values of the Jedi are sacred to me”), all the years she’s given are just completely thrown away as soon as there’s suspicion against her (in the unfinished episodes, Anakin says “well what choice did we give her? the moment there were any suspicions about her loyalty the Council turned their back on her.”) they both share this anger about her expulsion, and Ahsoka brings it up later during the Siege of Mandalore when she says “and what? defend the Council’s actions? I hardly think I’m the best person for that.” 

#2: again, Ahsoka’s years fighting alongside the 501st, growing close with Rex and Jesse and everyone else to suddenly find them turning on her (this is before she knows about the chips, of course). she could also be feeling this in tandem with Rex—“those soldiers, my brothers, are willing to die and take you and me along with them!” all the years Rex has given in the 501st, with his brothers, fighting for the Republic, having to watch his brothers be killed and not be able to do anything, all his hardship just means nothing. their attempts to be themselves, to be unique, to not just be “another number,” were useless in the end. the “showed you all of my hiding spots” line points to the closeness and friendship that they had with each other

#3: again again, pretty self-explanatory, all the years Ahsoka and Obi-Wan have given to teaching and learning from and loving Anakin are just completely thrown away by his fall to the Dark Side and him ultimately trying to kill them. the same for the last line applies here, they were brothers, they were sister and brother, they were a family and then it was all ruined.

I was dancing when the music stopped

In each of the scenarios, they were preoccupied, in the middle of something else (the war, capturing Maul, defeating Grievous, helping Ezra, etc.) when everything stopped and collapsed. each situation was completely unexpected and each time, their worlds fell apart.

and in the disbelief / I can’t face reinvention

#1: all Ahsoka’s ever known is the Jedi, and now without them (without anyone to help her or any connections or support), she has to completely change her way of life, as well as lie or invent a new background for herself (”Skywalker Academy,” “my older brother taught me,” “I used to live on the upper levels of Coruscant,” etc.)

also—Ahsoka becomes Ashla, and then Fulcrum (reinventing herself over and over again) and Obi-Wan becomes Ben. obviously, they don’t want to have to change, and again with “in the disbelief,” each of these events was unexpected and a complete gut punch.

there’ll be happiness after you / but there was happiness because of you / both of these things can be true there is happiness / past the blood and bruise / past the curses and cries / beyond the terror in the nightfall

I don’t think this line needs any explanation, but I’ll give some anyway! In a meta-sense, the audience started Star Wars with the happiness after all three events, but especially Vader. the Original Trilogy showed the end of the Empire, the Rebellion, the happy endings of Luke, Leia, Han, etc. in-universe, both Ahsoka and Obi-Wan hold this sense of bittersweet nostalgia (because how can you not?), both with Obi-Wan training/looking after Luke and Ahsoka joining the Rebellion and helping the characters in Rebels. they’re both trying to ensure happiness after Anakin. 

but, of course, of course there was happiness because of Anakin, that’s what The Clone Wars shows us! we see them happy (or, at least, somewhat) in tcw, which obviously makes everything much sadder, but still. they were happy. and Obi-Wan and Ahsoka both know it—we see it explicitly with Ahsoka meditating to Anakin’s holo and reminiscing in Rebels. they found happiness and love and family in the war, where there was so much death, so much destruction, so much darkness and terror. they found each other, they found happiness anyway. this can also apply to the OT, since that trio also found family and happiness in the midst of the Empire.

it’s this inherent optimism that both Ahsoka and Obi-Wan share that Anakin doesn’t (or didn’t) that’s keeping them afloat. it’s the adherence to the light, to kindness, to compassion. 

haunted by the look in my eyes

#1: going back to our three scenarios, you could say Ahsoka was probably haunted by the look in the Council members’ eyes—especially Yoda, Plo, Obi-Wan—when they expelled her. as well as, of course, the look in Anakin’s eyes when he begs her to stay and she says no. the ending image of season 5, the last image we ever saw of tcw for years—with Anakin’s sad, wide eyes—yeah. that look.

#2: overall, this context has less to it, but I’ll still argue that the look in Rex’s eyes, in the clones’ eyes haunted both Ahsoka and Rex, probably especially Rex. or even, not seeing his brothers’ eyes and instead seeing their blasters pointed at him. their final scene, with the eyes of the helmets (Ahsoka’s eyes painted on) stuck on sticks. yeah, that definitely haunted them both.

#3: Obi-Wan and Ahsoka both get horrifyingly clear images of Anakin’s gold eyes. Anakin’s look when he shouts “I hate you!” surely haunted Obi-Wan, as well as Anakin saying “Ahsoka” and “then you will die” with a very clear, obvious image of Anakin’s gold, scarred eye through his mask. 

that would’ve loved you for a lifetime

#1: Ahsoka was prepared to be a Jedi forever, for a lifetime

#2: Rex, more in this case, but both he and Ahsoka did and would’ve loved the clones forever. those were Rex’s brothers and it’s so clear, especially with the scene of him crying in the hangar bay, that this is killing him

#3: Obi-Wan and Ahsoka would’ve loved Anakin for a lifetime—and I’d argue they did, despite everything (”you were my brother, Anakin! I loved you!” and “my Master could never be as vile as you” and “to the best of us”)

leave it all behind

#1: sorry if this is getting repetitive, but yeah, Ahsoka left everything, her entire life, everything and everyone she’s ever known behind

#2: Rex and Ahsoka leave everything on that moon, including her lightsabers that she just got back and then had to give up a second time

#3: Obi-Wan leaves everything behind and flees to Tatooine. Ahsoka tells Ezra this—to let Kanan go, essentially leave the past behind him. And she can’t “save her Master” either. she too must let him go. 

tell me when did your winning smile / begin to look like a smirk?

this is just so Anakin slowly falling to madness and the Dark Side. Ahsoka and Obi-Wan thinking about the signs they’d missed, if there was some way they could’ve stopped it, if just one thing had been different, if they’d just noticed. trying to figure out where it all went wrong. 

when did all our lessons start to look like weapons pointed at my deepest hurt?

#1: “the values of the Jedi are sacred to me”—and then she’s expelled and told that it was part of her great trial in becoming a Knight. a foundation of the Jedi Order and its process gets turned against her.

#3: this line becomes literal—Padawan lessons, sparring, suddenly became dueling Anakin to death, for both Obi-Wan and Ahsoka

no I didn’t mean that / sorry, I can’t see facts through all of my fury

#1: you could argue that Obi-Wan is right when he said Ahsoka let her feelings cloud her judgement in leaving; that she couldn’t see the facts through the pain of being betrayed by the Council. and then, when she comes back in the Siege of Mandalore, immediately, she and Obi-Wan start arguing, and then both of them are clouded by their feelings, both feeling hurt by the other and lashing out.

#3: again, this is just so Anakin turning to the Dark Side. he obviously doesn’t realize that he’s being blinded by fury (or maybe he does and just doesn’t care, or probably, thinks that is the only way). but he is. he’s completely blinded to logic, to reality by the fury that Sidious has spent years amping up and harvesting and Anakin himself has spent years bottling.

you haven’t met the new me yet

this line is really painful if you view it from Anakin’s perspective. they both believed he was dead, but no, turns out he’s a Sith Lord, in fact the Sith Lord that’s been the Emperor’s tool in causing immense pain and destruction across the galaxy. it’s this evil, excited little line from his POV (think that ROTS comic: “please say it’s Kenobi. Lord Vader gets such a thrill from killing people who care for him”)

there’ll be happiness after me / but there was happiness because of me / both of these things I believe

again, there’s that optimism, that desire to help people, to do good in the world, and this faith that Obi-Wan and Ahsoka both have. that’s why Obi-Wan helps Luke, that’s why Ahsoka joins the Rebellion. it’s all to ensure that there will be some happiness, some light after them (and maybe a little because of them. again, see the first chorus. they were happy once, and they both know it. “we’ll be fine, as long as we stay together.”)

there is happiness / in our history / across our great divide

I see this mostly as Ahsoka and Anakin (and Obi-Wan) during season 7. there’s still a connection, of course, love and happiness between them, despite the ending that’s right on their heels, as well as the great divide of Ahsoka leaving the Order.

there is a glorious sunrise / dappled with the flickers of light

Anakin does end up returning to the Light Side and his reunion with Obi-Wan is surely like a “glorious sunrise” that ended the darkness of the past twenty+ years. the second part I just see as a fun, literal line—flickers of light are lightsabers, blaster fire, the Light Side

I can’t make it go away by making you a villain

in short, Obi-Wan and Ahsoka can’t make the pain or the past happiness go away because Anakin’s now Vader. they still both remember Anakin fondly and with love, despite his fall. they loved him, still. in ROTS, when Anakin says “from my point of view, the Jedi are evil!” Obi-Wan doesn’t say “then you are evil,” or even “you are wrong,” he says “then you are lost.” lost. as in, can be found again. not evil, not unworthy, not wrong. just lost. there’s this goodness that Anakin has that he is ignoring and straying from (”there is good in him”). and in the context of Order 66, Ahsoka can’t and doesn’t make the clones villains because she knows they’re actually the victims. as much pain as it causes, they’re not the villains and she can’t act like they are. 

so I know there’s a lot of discourse about Anakin apologists or whatever, so all I’ll say is that George Lucas has said that the prequels are to show how a “nice little kind kid, who has good intentions” turns into Darth Vader. the whole point of the PT is this line—while Anakin/Vader is no doubt the villain in the OT and in ROTS to a degree, that doesn’t make everything else go away. the other stuff doesn’t excuse what he did, all the pain he caused, but we can’t make it go away, just because he’s a villain. that’s one of the beauties of the prequels, that we get this extremely fleshed out, torn and struggling kid who ends up making all the wrong choices and becoming the terrible villain we see in the OT. 

I guess it’s the price I pay for seven years in heaven

while none of these scenarios is seven years exactly, it does continue to drive the point of “all the years I’ve given is just shit we’re dividing up.” everything these characters had, individually and with each other, just gets utterly, completely ruined. 

in a more meta-sense, the ending of The Clone Wars is the price we, the fans, pay for seven seasons of the show. 

no one teaches you what to do / when a good man hurts you / and you know you hurt him too

this could point again to Ahsoka and Anakin, but also Ahsoka and Obi-Wan after she leaves the Order. when she comes back, none of them really know what to say, what to do, how to act around each other. this obviously comes out as arguments and words that are so close to what they really want to say, but just short. they’ve all been hurt and none of them know what to do about it. 

and, of course, Obi-Wan and Anakin in ROTS. Obi-Wan doesn’t want to believe that Anakin’s fallen to the Dark Side, and later on Tatooine, knowing he’s hurt and been hurt by Anakin, doesn’t know what to do

after giving you the best I had / tell me what to give after that

again again, all the years they’ve given. all the love they had. everyone they knew & loved. gone. 

leave it all behind / and there is happiness

#fiona speaks #what do i even tag this? #my writing #i guess? #HA anyway i refuse to proof read this or reread it bc WOW it's long #and if you chose to open this post and read the whole thing then you're probably somewhat used to my ramblings #hopefully i articulated all my thoughts well #bc i have so many thoughts about this song so i hope they came across!! #if yall have any additional thoughts lemme know cause this song is just UGH *chef's kiss* #wow i just said the word thoughts three times #fun fact! this song is taylor's only song in the key of b #which means she has a song in EVERY key #isn't that cool? #anyway this was so fun i get the hype with doing this #thanks to daisy caroline and mel and honestly so many others for THEIR wonderful analyses of taylor swift songs and tcw #which inspired me to actually make a post about it instead of continuing to let this doc sit in my drive #i originally wrote this on wait one sec lemme check #december 28 and then did one w more words on feb 15 #but now it's here! in one (mostly coherent) post #oof anyway #taylor swift #star wars #taylor swift and tcw #can you tell i'm procrastinating writing my fic exchange? #song analysis

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

I know you mostly write tomharry but apart from tomharry, what are your favourite or most plausible pairings in canon universe? Also any idea when you will be updating. I love your fanfics :D

Are we talking about canon here? As in Harry Potter standard canon? Do we discuss such things here?

Well, alright then, let me sit down and label myself a heretic you all can throw stones at.

First, as for Tomarry.

Tomarry is... it is the pairing I would have written had I been the one writing Harry Potter. When I say “I write Harry Potter”, however, I mean that the story would be entirely different. Given Harry Potter’s all about the power of love it’d ultimately be a tale about the redemption of Tom Riddle, a man who has given up on everything and mired himself in bitterness and rage. It would be a very hard path, one with heartbreak along the way, but ultimately more rewarding for it.

But I did not write Harry Potter and as a result I actually find Tomarry a very unlikely pairing given the canon JKR both wrote (and especially) intended. It’s also with, full canon interpretations of the characters, an extremely unpalatable one for me.

Harry from canon is a stupid, callous, asshole. As a result I (and many others) barely take from his canon interpretation and instead present an almost entirely new character for each story. “When Harry Met Tom” has his stupidity, but not his callousness or his lack of sensitivity. “The Unwinding Golden Thread” has some of his callousness, though not nearly all, but is much smarter than he was in canon. And yes, feel free to throw stones, I’m sure that right there is the highest blasphemy but I have canon examples I can throw out at you people if you really want to fight over the inherent nobility of Harry James Potter.

Tom from canon is intended to be the ultimate evil, doomed from his very conception. I don’t agree that he is but that’s another story for another day.

So with that, canon pairings... Hm... I’m really struggling here...

Let’s return to the warped land of my interpretation of canon!

Tomarry was already listed but I feel I should put in some caveats here. First, Harry has to be much nicer, than he was in canon for this to work. As Harry is in canon he’d be more likely to cut up Draco Malfoy in a bathroom. Tom Riddle for his own part can’t be the soulless, loveless, child of rape that apparently dooms him forever per JKR/Dumbledore. First, that makes him boring. Second, that was always such a weird aspect of canon for me and would ultimately sink the ship before it left harbor.

Otherwise, as some of you have probably noticed, about halfway through “October”, Lily Evans/Tom Riddle suddenly became a huge deal. When I started the story I actually had no idea I would be writing that (it was intended as a one-shot originally). However I did figure it out before we got to those chapters but even then didn’t realize just what a big deal it’d become to the story (which led to the pairing labels fiasco if any of you were here for that). Regardless, in writing that ship I goddamn convinced myself it is the greatest thing since sliced bread. Worry not, “October” fans, I stand by my words that it does end with Tomarry so you can save your curses for later. Still, this ship has become the ship I die on and no one on the internet agrees with me. It is in fact such a distasteful ship some readers have claimed the very idea of it makes them vomit (though oddly enough not Tomarry, so go figure that one). When “October” finishes I will very likely end up writing a pure Tom Riddle/Lily Evans epic that only two other people will likely end up reading.  I could write novels about why I believe in this ship, but I’ll save you my insanity (and seriously, if you want to know how crazy the Carnivorous Muffin is ask for head canons about pretty much anything).

So yeah, Tom Riddle/Lily Evans, great stuff.

Otherwise, um... Hm... I can tell you who I don’t ship?

Or I would, but as I typed out the original version of that rant I realized this post had turned into a novel so I’ll leave it at this. And perhaps leave a reminder that as much “Harry Potter” fanfiction that I seem to write, I am a crazy person who actually does not stand by much of the original canon or believe in any of the standard fandom pairings. Except maybe Tomarry. But mostly because it gives me somewhat decent Tom Riddle fanfics.

As for updating, well, I’ve been mired in homework for weeks but it looks like it might lighten up a bit this weekend. So, “Lily and the Art of Being Sisyphus” might update this weekend but I make no promises.

#ask #anon #harry potter #ships #tomarry #tom riddle/lily evans #i am a heretic

[livesincerely]

it’s so easy (too easy) to love you, ch. 1

Also on Ao3

00000

Davey’s just gotten out of class—literally just walked out the door—when his phone starts ringing.

“Davey,” Tony says the moment he answers, not even giving Davey time to say hello, “can you swing by the apartment real quick?”

Davey sighs. “Are you locked out of the house again?”

There’s a guilty silence. Then, “Or maybe I just wanna see you, huh? You don’t know.”

“Tony.”

“Charlie’s the one that lost the spare,” Tony capitulates immediately, there’s an indignant “Hey!” somewhere in the background, “and I left my keys in my locker ‘cause I thought Charlie had his—”

There’s a scuffle of noise, then Charlie’s voice breaks in, “—don’t listen to him Davey, I asked him before we even got on the subway if he had his keys and he said he did but he didn’t even check—”

“—well, I thought you had yours, didn’t I?—”

“—and he was twenty minutes late picking me up from band practice because he was too busy making out with Spot Conlon to come help me carry my stuff—”

“—that was supposed to be a secret you little shit!”

“—you started it!”

Davey pulls the phone away from his ear as the other side of the line descends into a mess of indistinct yelling. He thinks about trying to get their attention, but he decides to just start heading towards the apartment, muting his side of the call while he waits them out—they’ll remember him eventually.

In the meantime, Davey sends a quick text:

Tony and Charlie locked themselves out of the house again

He’s not expecting a response, but Jack must be in-between projects because he gets one almost immediately.

jc again?

And you’re going to have to get a new spare made

fuck okay i’ll take care of it. are you heading over?

I’m walking there now

ur the light of my life dave

Davey can’t help but smile at this, a soft feeling fluttering in his chest. Before he can write back, Jack sends another text:

how did ur midterm go?

I feel good about it! Def did better than I thought it would!

duh youve been living in the library all week ofc ur gonna do great. ill swing by the grocery omw home and pick up some ice cream to celebrate. do we need anything else while im there?

Get a bell pepper and some tomato paste, I’m going to make spaghetti for dinner. And we need more laundry detergent.

fuck yes im starving! can we do garlic bread too?

Come home on time and we’ll see.

u drive a hard bargain. kerian owes me a favor so he can stay late tonight lol

“Davey?” The sound of Charlie’s voice, tinny and muffled, prompts Davey to lift his phone back to his ear; it seems like he might’ve been calling Davey’s name for a while. “Are you still there?”

“I’m still here,” Davey confirms.

“So are ya comin’ or what?” Tony cuts in, ever impatient. “I’m roasting out here!”

“Well, I was thinking about leaving you to ruminate on your poor life choices,” Davey responds dryly, “but I guess I can come let you in, since you asked so nicely.”

“Thanks, Davey,” Charlie says.

“I’ll be there soon,” Davey confirms.

“Hurry, will ya? Much longer and I’m gonna get heatstroke and die,” Tony declares.

Davey rolls his eyes. “Goodbye, Tony.”

00000

When he arrives at Jack’s building some twenty minutes later, Davey finds Tony and Charlie right where he expects them: crowded together in the little bit of shade the roof’s overhang offers, wearing identical grumpy expressions that brighten immediately when they spot him approaching.

"Finally!" Tony exclaims, shooting to his feet. "What took you so long?"

“Stop losing your keys and you won’t have to wait for me,” Davey counters, slotting his key into the deadbolt and hefting open the heavy exterior door. He props it open with his hip and lets Tony and Charlie scurry past him into the AC. “You couldn’t get anyone to buzz you in?”

“Old Man Davis hasn’t gotten his hearing aid replaced yet,” Charlie explains as they climb the stairs up to the second floor, “and Mrs. Ikeda isn’t home.”

“She joined a new book club,” Tony adds. “She won’t be back till late.”

“Oh, I’ll have to ask her about it when I see her next,” Davey muses.

He gets the apartment door unlocked and the boys pile inside, tossing their backpacks down with dramatic groans of relief.  Charlie makes a beeline for his bedroom; Davey expects Tony to do the same but he takes a seat at the kitchen table instead, booting up his laptop with a couple of keystrokes.

“I’ve got a paper due in English tomorrow,” Tony explains. “Can you look it over once it’s finished? Maybe later this evening”

“Of course,” Davey replies. “What’s it on?”

“Lord of the Flies.”

Davey’s nose wrinkles up. “Oh, I hated that one. What’s the essay prompt?”

“Identify Golding’s argument about human nature as proposed in Lord of the Flies,” Tony reads off the top of the assignment outline. “Then make an argument agreeing or disagreeing with his assessment, using evidence from the text.”

Davey rolls his eyes. “Good to see that high school literature classes haven’t changed much in the last few years,” he says with a sigh. “How much have you written so far?”

“Oh, I haven’t even started it yet,” Tony casually rebuts.

“Is everything going okay?” Davey asks, frowning slightly. “If things are getting worse we can make an appointment—”

But Tony waives his concerns aside. “Nah, this is regular old procrastination, not ADHD procrastination. Like ya said, Lord of the Flies sucks ass, so I just didn’t want to write it.”

“Well, let one of us know if you start having trouble,” Davey says.

"Okay, mom,” Tony agrees, somewhat distracted. He’s already got a blank document pulled up on his laptop, a battered and thoroughly dog-eared copy of the book laying open beside him.

Davey looks at him for another moment, then he shrugs and continues making his way into the kitchen—he figures there’s no need to worry unless Racer starts actually missing assignments. And he’s right: Lord of the Flies does suck ass.

By the time Jack gets home they’re each fully entrenched in different activities: Davey’s washed a sink full of dishes and is working on drying the last few pieces of silverware, Tony is still posted up at the kitchen table, carefully hammering out a draft of his paper, and there are the familiar sounds of Charlie working through different musical scales on his oboe in the back bedroom.

“Honey, I’m home!” Jack calls jokingly as he enters. There’s a rustle of plastic and soft thunk of the front door closing behind him, then he comes around the corner into the dining room with an armful of groceries.

“Hey, Jack,” Davey greets absently. He starts rifling through the bags almost before Jack can finish putting them down. “Did you get the tomato—?”

“I got the tomato paste,” Jack says, kicking off his shoes and leaving them in the entryway with all the others, “and I picked up some more of that fancy coffee you like from the place around the corner, even though it’s expensive as all hell.”

“Don’t judge me,” Davey replies, gathering up an armful of vegetables and carrying them further into the kitchen. “You spend a semester grading 'Intro to Shakespeare' homework and tell me how much caffeine you consume.”

“I’m just saying, the rest of us schmucks drink regular coffee and do just fine,” Jack continues. “You can feed your crippling caffeine addiction just as well with Folgers and it’ll cut down on the grocery bill.”

“Watch it, Kelly,” Davey says, pointing a finger teasingly in Jack’s direction. “Smartasses don’t get dinner.”

“‘s that so?” Jack asks with a grin. “Then why the hell are we still feeding Tony?”

“I heard that,” Tony grumbles from the kitchen table.

“Yeah, you were supposed to,” Jack says, moving over to Tony and slinging an arm around his shoulders, pulling him into a side hug. Tony bats at Jack’s hand but makes no real attempt to get away. Then Jack says, “So, I hear you and your brother lost another set of keys.”

Tony throws Davey a look of the deepest betrayal. “You told Jack?”

“Of course he did,” Jack says. “Someone’s gonna have to get new ones made, and it sure ain’t gonna be either half of the dynamic duo.”

“Charlie lost the spare,” Tony says, mercilessly throwing Charlie under the bus while he’s not in the room to defend himself. “And I didn’t lose my keys, I just left them in my locker.”

“Uh huh, save it for the judge,” Jack responds, ruffling Tony’s hair. “Just know if I end up having to change the deadbolt, it’s coming outta your subway money.”

“Jackie, leave Tony alone,” Davey comments mildly over Tony’s spluttering protests. “He needs to work on that paper and you’re distracting him.”

“Yeah, Jack,” Tony repeats, a little smug. “You’re distracting me.”

Davey turns to look at him, one eyebrow raised. Tony quickly busies himself with his homework.

Davey makes quick work of washing a green pepper and peeling an onion, then starts dicing both into small, neat pieces. He feels more than hears Jack sidle up behind him: the familiar weight of his gaze, the solid presence at his back. He stands there quietly, leaning against the counter-top and just watching Davey cook; unbothered, Davey leaves him be for the moment and moves to the stove, scraping the chopped vegetables off the cutting board and into a pan to start softening.

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Davey glances over his shoulder at Jack and says, “Are you just going to stand there or are you going to help me with this? You know there’s no loitering in my kitchen.”

“Well, I’m nothin’ if not a law abidin’ citizen,” Jack drawls in answer, the corner of his mouth quirking up. He rolls up his shirt sleeves, exposing the long, muscular line of his forearms, and washes his hands in the kitchen sink. “Where do you want me?”

Davey licks his lips. “Think you can handle browning the hamburger?”

“I’m sure I can manage,” Jack responds with a smirk.

Davey steps out of the way, letting Jack take his place in front of the sauce pan while he gets a pot of water set up on a different burner, salting it so it boils faster. They settle into their familiar dinner-routine, moving around and past each other with ease as they work on getting everything ready, chattering idly all the while.

“I’ve gotta head back out this evening,” Jack says at one point, as he sets the tray of garlic bread in the oven to toast. “Johnson’s got me working a night shoot and I have to be downtown by 9.”

“How long is the session?” Davey asks. “Here, will you open this?”

“We’re scheduled for five hours, but we might get to wrap it up early if everything goes well.” Jack’s hand brushes against the small of Davey’s back and they trade places again, Davey stepping back up to the stove-top and Jack rifling around in one of the drawers for a can opener.

“Are ya spendin’ the night or are ya headin’ back to campus?”

“Depends on how much help Tony needs with his paper,” Davey replies, shaking his head. He takes the can when Jack hands it back to him and empties it into the saucepan, then gives the whole thing a good stir. “We might be at it a while.”

Jack huffs out a laugh. “Well, if you do spend the night, go ahead and take the bed. The extra blankets are in the usual place.”

Davey sets down the spoon he’s holding, crossing his arms across his chest. “Jack,” he says warningly.

“Davey,” Jack echoes back in the exact same tone of voice. In the background there’s the faint sound of Tony muttering, “Jesus, not this again.”

“Jack, I’m not gonna kick you out of your bed,” Davey says, rehashing the same old argument for what feels like the millionth time. “I’m perfectly fine taking the couch.”

“Or you could do the smart thing and just take the bed,” Jack counters as he always does. “I’m not even gonna be here to use it.”

“You’ll want an actual mattress when you get home, especially if you’re out late.” Davey argues. “I don’t even have class tomorrow, it’ll be fine.”

“If you don’t take the bed I’ll just carry you in there once I get back,” Jack says, as if that's a perfectly reasonable course of action. “So you might as well save me the trouble.”

Davey sputters. “That’s not— You can’t just— That only happened a couple of times!” he finally gets out.

"Well, actually, it's been more like four or five times," Jack says with a smirk. "But hey, who's counting?"

"That trick won't keep working," Davey grumbles, feeling the back of his neck start to heat up.

“You sleep like a fucking rock, Dave,” Jack says, rolling his eyes. “Why wouldn’t it keep working?”

“No, see, that’s exactly why I should take the couch,” Davey insists. “It’s not like the sound of you coming in will wake me up—”

Jack turns to face him. Davey cuts off, slightly startled—he hadn’t realized they were standing so close to each other.

“Just take the bed, Davey,” Jack all but orders, and those dark eyes with that low voice are a heady combination. “Please?”

Davey bites at his lower lip, suddenly flustered. “Fine,” he reluctantly concedes, hoping Jack will attribute his flushed face to the heat of the kitchen. “Just this once.”

"Thank you," Jack says with a dramatic heave of his chest, looking much too pleased with himself. "Now that wasn't so hard, was it?"

"You're letting the garlic bread burn," Davey answers tartly.

"Oh shit—!"

00000

Later that evening, after they’ve all finished eating and have cleaned up, Davey, Tony, and Charlie are still gathered around the table, working on various assignments.

Davey is finishing the readings for his Monday lecture in between helping Tony finalize the exact wording of his essay. Charlie sits opposite him, working through his geometry homework and every so often there’s a huff of breath and the rubbery scratch of an eraser—Davey makes a mental note to swipe some more pencils and notebook paper from the grad lounge when he’s there next.

Davey notices the time and frowns. “Jack,” he calls out, “it’s already 7:30. If you don’t leave soon you’re gonna be late for work.”

There’s a clamor of noise from down the hall, then Jack appears, freshly showered and fumbling to put on his socks and button up a clean shirt at the same time.

“Fuck, Johnson is gonna kill me,” Jack grumbles. He pats down his pockets, then groans. “Christ, has anyone seen my—”

“Your wallet and keys are on the counter by the microwave,” Davey says, pointing. “And take a jacket, it’s supposed to rain later.”

“Great, I’m sure the models will love that,” Jack says with a groan. “Hopefully we’ll be able to get through everything without getting rained out.”

He meanders his way over to the table, peering at Charlie’s homework from over his shoulder. “If Tony is still busy and ya get stuck, text me,” Jack tells him. “I probably won't be able to answer right away, but if ya send me a picture of the problem I can probably talk ya through it between shots.”

Charlie hums his acknowledgment, still scribbling furiously. Jack turns to Tony.

“Listen to whatever Davey tells you about your paper,” he advises. “The only reason I got through undergraduate writing was ‘cause Davey proofread all my shit before I turned it in.”

“I thought I was s’pposed to always listen to Davey,” Tony says distractedly, tongue poking out between his teeth as he types.

Jack pauses, considering. “Yeah, just do that.”

“Jack—”

“Oh, and Dave cooked, so you shitheads better do the dishes, get me?”

“Jack, you’re gonna be late,” Davey cuts in firmly, holding out Jack’s jacket for him.

“Alright, I’m going,” Jack says, shrugging it on, and he finally starts making moves towards the door.

He gives Charlie one last pat on the shoulder and cuffs Tony lightly across the back of the head in a slightly rougher, but no less affectionate goodbye, which is per usual. Then he turns to Davey, tips his chin up, and kisses him right on the mouth, short and sweet.

“Lock the door behind me and don’t forget to—” Jack stops mid-sentence, then turns bright red.

“Um,” says Charlie.

“Holy shit,” says Tony.

Jack’s mouth opens and closes soundlessly. Finally, he stammers out, “I u-uh— I-I d-didn’t mean—“

Davey doesn’t respond. He couldn’t, even if he wanted to—he’s frozen in place, his mind a sudden wash of static. For a moment, they just stare at each other. Then Jack blurts, “gottagoseeyoulaterbye,” and bolts out the front door.

Davey’s not sure how long he stands there, staring blankly into space, utterly dumbfounded.

“Davey?” Charlie asks hesitantly. “Are you okay?”

There’s a strangled, choking noise. A split second later, Davey realizes it’s coming from him.

"...What just happened?"

#newsies #javid #jack kelly #davey jacobs #*final cut #*the writing desk #*editor's note #the one where it's domestic #oof this was a long time coming #this au might become its own series #the javid coparenting vibes are REAL and i NEED them #btw there will be a couple more chapters of this so stay tuned

[everlarkficexchange]

I Choose You

Written by: @wendywobbles

Prompt 51: Katniss E, the Valedictorian of Panem High school, is perfect in all fields of life. And that is the crush of awkward, average in studies, not so popular, never had a girlfriend, often bullied Peeta M. Not only does she have a very popular friend circle but also a handsome, popular boyfriend Gale H. Will she even want to be his friend? Is his crush doomed to fail? Eventual Everlark) [submitted by @white-dandelion-seeds]

AN: I hope I did your prompt proud. The title comes from a Sara Bareilles song that I love.

——————————————-

Peeta Mellark walked quietly in the door and leaned against the wall at the school assembly. He hated these things. Being trapped here for an hour while Principal Trinket droned on and on about what was coming up in the next semester was hell.

They had just returned from their autumn break and Peeta was counting the days down until this last year of school was finished. His experience in Panem 12th Region school had been long, dull and miserable.

Not for the first time he wondered if his dad had lived how his life would have turned out. Would he have been a popular jock with lots of friends and confidence instead of a feeling like a ghost in these hallways? He hoped college would be different. As far as he knew none of the dicks from his year would be attending Capitol U.

He had no idea what Trinket was talking about but he became aware the second the speaker changed……Katniss Everdeen was at the podium and saying hello to everyone. Instantly he paid attention.

Katniss Everdeen was in Peeta Mellark’s eyes the most perfect woman to ever walk the earth. She had long dark hair, clear olive skin and grey eyes.

She was a distance runner for the Panem 12th Region Athletics team. She trained hard , Peeta knew this because he had often seen her running in the early hours of the morning when it was his early shift at the Bakery or sometimes he would see her on the trails when he was out running she always had a smile and wave for him as they passed.

Her grades were always high, again Peeta knew this was down to hard work and not just luck.

Sometimes he would see her at the library when he was hiding out avoiding Cato and the other Jays and his maths whizz brother Leon had been tutoring her since last year.

She has a quiet confidence, and strength that just drew people to her and had a wide circle of friends but would make time for everyone whether it was a quick hello or a longer more in-depth chat. It was no wonder when she ran for student council she was elected president.

With a confident smile the object of Peeta’s affection began to speak

“Hi all! Hope everyone had a wonderful break, I know I did. Principal Trinket has given me a few minutes of the assembly today to talk about our Winter Formal. This year we are looking to do something a bit different and we are hoping that you guys will help us come up with a theme. This is the last 12th Region dance some of us will attend and we would love to make this something a bit special, but right now our ideas aren’t hitting the mark and I know that there are so many talented and creative individuals here so we’d love to hear from you.”

She looked behind her and Annie Cresta, her Vice President, handed her a cardboard box covered in silver paper. She held it up for all to see

“Okay, I know this probably looks a bit basic but this box will be left in library until next Friday. If you have an idea put it in. We will then post the suggestions online and then we can vote for our favourite. Easy right? I can’t wait to see what people come up with.”

“Thanks for listening and don’t forget Friday is the big Game against D13’s Coin Cavaliers and once again the 12th Region’s very own Mockingjays are out to destroy them. Show you school spirit by wearing black and orange. Go Jays!”

All around Peeta students began to cheer, he just rolled his eyes and slipped quietly away.

*********

For the rest of the day school was buzzing with excitement for the game and Katniss announcement. Peeta was glad when his final class was over and headed to his locker to collect his bag.

“Hey Bread Boy” called Johanna Mason, a short shaved head girl that somehow had become one of Peeta’s closest and dearest friends

“Yes Jo?”

“So are you making any suggestions for the Winter Formal? I’ve got mine in – Roller Disco with night vision goggles. Great, huh?”

“Seriously Jo? I mean while I can certainly appreciate the theme, how exactly would a person fund all those glasses……” he smiled.

“I’m the ideas woman, the reality is her ladyship and her minions area of work…speaking of which. Anyway I gotta go, see you later handsome “ and with that Jo sprinted away.

Peeta looked up and saw Katniss Everdeen walking down the corridor. She was carrying an armful of books, a bag and a bottle of water, had an apple wedged in her mouth and her shoe lace was beginning to open on her ever present black Cons. Peeta was thinking how this looked like an accident waiting to happen when Katniss reached up to take the apple out of her mouth, stepped on her now undone shoe lace and tripped herself up sending everything flying.

“Katniss! Oh my god are you okay?” Peeta was by her side in a flash and quickly helped her right herself.

Surprisingly she burst out laughing “Oh my god! I can’t believe that just happened. Thanks Peeta, I’m ok.” He started to help her pick up her stuff when Gale Hawthorne appeared.

“Katniss? What happened? You ok?” concern was all over his features.

“Fine, fine I tripped Peeta was just helping me collect my stuff.”

Gale nodded but proceeded to take the books Peeta had in his arms “Well I’m here now. Mellark you can …go do whatever it is you do. I got this.”

Peeta felt his face flame but kept his mouth shut previous experience had thought him that answering back to people like Gale usually ended up badly for people like Peeta.

“Sure. Whatever” he mumbled and moved to step away.

Katniss meanwhile shot Gale a glance that would have felled a lesser man, but Peeta imagined as Katniss’ boyfriend Gale was probably used to her looks so he just ignored her.(Imagine being able to ignore Katniss thought Peeta)

“Thanks again Peeta. Hey before you go, do you have the details of the English assignment? I can’t find where I wrote it down.”

“Sure, hold on” Peeta rummaged in his backpack and pulled out a notebook. He pulled out a sheet and copied the details onto the paper for her.

“Ummm here you go” he said handing it over.

“Katniss? Are you ready I’ll carry this stuff to your car” huffed Gale.

“Go ahead I’ll be right there. I just want to check something with Peeta” She called without looking at Gale.

“I’ll wait.”

“Dunderhead” muttered Katniss under her breath so that only Peeta could hear her, keeping her voice low she began to speak “Um I was wondering if you were going to submit any ideas for the dance. When we were kids I remember you always had a great imagination.”

Peeta blinked and stared and Katniss “Um no. I don’t….I mean I’m not interested in that kinda thing you know. I’ve never even been to a school dance.”

“Oh…right. Sorry I just, I guess I’ll see you in class or something.” Katniss seemed embarrassed and Peeta wanted to die. This was how he spoke to the girl of his dreams….Leon was right he was an idiot.

As she turned to walk away he called after her “Wait! I may not have an idea but um I’m pretty good at art and design maybe,I mean if you needed it, I could help you guys work on pulling it altogether?” he rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

“That would be fantastic! I know you’re headed to Capitol U next year to begin a Fine Art Degree so absolutely we would love your help.” Katniss smile was a mile wide as she said all this.

“Ok. Well keep me posted. Oh and Katniss you should probably tie your shoelace” Peeta smiled and her and began to walk away. It was only as he turned the corner he realised something. He had never mentioned getting into Capitol U …how had Katniss known that?

********

“So what did you need from Mellark?” asked Gale.

“Gale you were standing right there when I was talking to him - English homework and he’s offered to help with the dance.” said Katniss taking her bag from Gale. She reached down to grab the apple that she dropped and popped it in a bin as she walked by.

“Help how? Loser never goes to anything school related.”

“So? What has that got to do with anything? And he’s not a loser. Look Gale we need help with this dance and I’m happy to have someone like Peeta come on board-“

Gale cut her off “ Ooh I get it now, you get the nerdy runt to do all the work and you take the credit.”

“Shut up Gale. When have I EVER treated anyone like that? I can’t believe you would even think I would do that.”

“Oh relax, it’s High School not the real world.”

Sometimes Katniss goody two shoes attitude really annoyed Gale. Kill or be killed that was Gale’s motto(not literally of course) but sometimes you had to be ruthless on and off the field.

“Let me make it up too you… how about a movie?”

“Can’t I have to get home to help dad. I’ll round up the gang maybe we can all go see something on Saturday?”

Frustrated Gale rolled his eyes before responding “Katniss I meant …..”

Katniss knew exactly what he meant and after going out a few times two years ago, Katniss wasn’t going down that road again, Gale however still thought they were perfect for each other and was always trying to get her to agree to a date.

Katniss blundered on pretending not to have heard him “It’ll be a fun way for everyone to relax after Friday’s game. I’ll text everyone later unless you want to do it?”

Gale clenched his jaw frustrated at Katniss he wanted to say something more when his phone rang. It was Cato.

“I’m late for practice. Talk to you later” and Gale took off running towards the sports field.

A grateful Katniss watched Gale sprint away, glad of the reprieve from his hints and outright declarations that they would make the perfect couple.

She hopped into her car and got ready to head home, when out of the corner of her eye she saw the hunched figure of Peeta Mellark walking out and heading towards town, she watched him til he was out of sight.

There was something about Peeta that made Katniss want to get to know him better but the blue eyed blond boy kept himself to himself. She had has crush on him since the first day of school when he drew her a picture of her teddy bear.

She smiled recalling how upset she was being separated from her bear and was missing him something terrible on her first day. Seeing her tears Peeta had marched up to her pencil in hand and asked her what he looked like and under her guidance had drawn a pretty good depiction of Snowball Abernathy.

Katniss still had the drawing; her dad had laminated it years go and she used it as book mark. The bear was also still knocking around, slightly bedraggled, more grey then white these day but still loved.

She sighed remembering a time when they were younger and Peeta was much more open. It all changed when his dad died though he seemed to retreat from childhood.

********

Katniss knew from Peeta’s older brother Leon that it hadn’t been easy after Mr M had died.

She had met Leon when her parents hired him to help her with her maths. Leon was like a skinnier less good looking Peeta. He was in college locally hoping to be a teacher and he loved maths and tutored a few kids.

As Katniss and he worked together they became more friendly.He was kind and funny and talkative.

When Katniss got accepted to Capitol U to study Engineering she was overjoyed and then Leon told her Peeta had been accepted to CU too.

“That’s amazing! What program? I wonder if we’ll run into each other. That would be cool.” Katniss gushed. She was practically vibrating at this piece of news.

And had completely forgotten who she was talking too. She couldn’t stop the blush that crept up her face.

Leon felt a grin spreading over his face “Careful Everdeen or I might think you have a crush on my baby brother……oh my god you do!!!”

That was a few weeks ago and Leon kept encouraging her to talk to Peeta and teasing her that if she let the year pass without saying anything he would tell Peeta before graduation.

Katniss knew though her secret was safe. Leon was very protective of Peeta, and from what Leon had told her-and what she knew from the past herself and gossip- the death of Mr Mellark had hit the whole family hard.

The oldest Mellark brother Sean had taken over running the place full time (this had always been the plan but the death of Sean Snr meant things moved a lot quicker). He quit full time college and moved home.

Leon and Peeta helped out but right after her husband died Mrs Mellark seemed to “disappear” leaving Sean 20, Leon 16 and Peeta 13 to carry on.

The older boys tried to stay on top of everything.- the house, the business, school even dealing with their mom- but their home life was chaotic following in the weeks following their fathers death.

It was a lot to cope with, and they tried to do it all without any help - scared that if they let people know what was going on their family would be further torn apart.

Katniss remembered when Peeta came to school in the same hoodie for 5 days –not really a big deal but Cato Snow grabbed this and began to tease Peeta.

“Hey Smellark. Don’t you have any CLEAN clothes?”

His goons soon joined in for weeks whenever they could get Peeta alone they went at him, they pushed him, squirted hand sanitizer on him, threw water on him.

Some of the other kids tried to tell Cato to stop but no one wanted to make themselves a target so most just ignored what was going on. Katniss did too, and the memory still pained her.

It all came to a head one Monday afternoon Peeta finally snapped and swung at Cato. Peeta may have been quiet and smaller then the others but in the past number of weeks a fire had raged in him.

This particular Monday Cato had decided that Peeta needed a hair cut and got Tom Marvel and Derek Blight to hold him down and started to hack at Peeta’s hair.

It was the final straw for Peeta, to this day no one knows exactly how he did it but Peeta got loose and punched Cato busting his nose, the sight of the blood caused Marvel to flee. Blight wasn’t quick enough and Peeta managed to leave him with a black eye. Peeta picked up his bag and left the school vowing to never return.

While this was going on, an anonymous tip off was left with a children’s care charity begging them to check on the Mellark’s. A young case worker Finnick Odair took the call and hearing how distressed the girl in the end of the call was decided to make a house call.

He met a shaken, tattered Peeta at the house on the front step.

“Hey kid? You ok?”

And for the first time since his dad died and the bullying began Peeta cried and his story just tumbled out

Finnick met with the rest of the family. Mrs. Mellark was very obviously depressed, the boys were grieving but had no time to process everything that was happening as they desperately tried to keep things going. A decision was made to contact Mrs Mellark mother, Sae.

She arrived in a day and scolded her grandsons for not calling her sooner and hugged the life out of them.

She sought out her daughter and held her close as she wept and wept.

Then the five of them sat on the sofa together and Sae told Finnick she was sticking around for as long as was needed and he helped her to find the help her family needed.

Peeta however refused to talk about what had happened and wouldn’t confirm the bullying. He hoped by keeping his mouth shut Cato would leave him alone. (It hadn’t. Although Cato no longer actively sought him out he still tormented him)

When Peeta returned to school a few days later people seemed to give him a wide berth the story of his Hulk like anger had scared people. It made him sad.

When he went to his locker he found a bag there and inside was a paper dandelion, a packet of coloring pencils and notebook.

Peeta was confused and wary but the yellow flower was the first thing he remembered seeing in color; since his dad died life had just been grey. He smiled, just a small one but somehow this flower made him feel something he hadn’t felt in a long time -hope.

********

On Friday the school was buzzing. Peeta had on a black tee shirt and orange cons showing his school spirit.

He had noticed Katniss that morning in her black skinny jeans, a Jays orange jersey, black oversized cardigan, in her braided hair there was an orange ribbon and on her feet a pair of orange cons. He smiled when he saw them.

He was just slipping to class when she called him

“Hey Peeta! Look we’re foot twins.” She bounded over to him and stood toe to toe with him. His heart was pounding.

She pulled out her phone “Can I take a picture?” and she aimed her camera down before clicking a few snaps.

“I think yours look better” she smiled and looked up at him, suddenly aware how close she was to him.

“I’m sorry Peeta I’m such and space invader” she stepped back “like I was saying yours look better, they have that lived in Cons look, mine are brand new they need breaking in. I’m gonna put this on Instagram, want me to tag you?”

“Why? Why would you tag me? I mean we’re not exactly friends, besides I don’t think Gale or his friends would appreciate any part of me appearing on your feed. I have to go Katniss.” Peeta smiled sadly and walked away.

Katniss couldn’t understand what she had said or done but she quickly deleted the post.

********

When the dance committee opened the silver box they found a good deal of papers, half though were filled with utter rubbish- crude drawing, bits of gum wrapped in the paper and some downright dangerous suggestions -roller skating with night vision goggles???

The most surprising thing was that even though the students had been given free reign most were standard dance ideas. According to Delly Cartwright this was because despite claims to want to express themselves and be individuals most teenagers just wanted to blend in and follow the herd, and in the end there were only five familiar themes to choose from.

1. Winter Wonderland/Snow Ball /Yule Ball

2. Once Upon a Time(Fairytales and stories)

3. Enchanted Forest or Magical Garden

4. Candy land

5. Masquerade Ball

Students were just handed a ballot paper and asked to vote for their favourite and with the result revealed at the following weeks assembly.

The winning theme in the end was the Enchanted Forest, and Katniss was secretly thrilled. Now the theme was picked it was time for the hard work to begin, and time to see if Peeta was ready to join the dance committee.

********

Peeta and Jo were sitting on one of the benches outside the school when Katniss walked over.

“Hey” she called

Peeta waved, Jo gave a nod.

“Peeta, if that offer to help out with the dance is still on the table the dance committee is meeting tomorrow after school to get things moving. I was wondering if you’d like to come along and get an idea of budget, how we can pull off the theme and if we can actually make something out of nothing” Katniss joked.

“I don’t know Katniss-“ but before he could finish Jo interrupted

“He’ll be there. What time and can I help too? My dad owns the forest out past Turn 4. He might be able to help with some stuff for decoration.”

“Ok, well we be in Room 17 from about 4 pm and Jo it would be great to have more help. I’ll leave you guys to it then. Bye”

As she walked away she missed the glare Peeta threw at Jo and the grin that spread across her face.

“What? You have been crazy about her for years. Now’s you chance to woo her” grinned Jo

“She has a scary boyfriend or did you forget that? A boyfriend who has no issue with beating a guy like me and might I add he has the connections to dispose of me where no one can find me.” He muttered darkly

“I dunno I know what people say but, I don’t think they are a couple….. anyway never mind that it’ll be at least one fun memory we’ll have of going to this place before we head to Capitol.”

********

Over the next few weeks Peeta’s life and routine took on a different one. The initial meeting of the dance committee had been nerve wracking but the other members, along with Katniss made him and Jo feel very welcome.

Peeta was wary at first but there was no punchline, he wasn’t a joke to anyone and surprisingly he started to enjoy the meetings.

The other members Annie Cresta, Thom Dalton, Brian Turner or Beetee as he was known, Delly Cartwright and Cecelia Hubert were a mixed but fun group.

“Hey Peeta, can you take a look at this?” Katniss called

“What’s up?” he asked.

“This…. I think I did it wrong…..it looks..” they two of them tilted their heads looking at the mess in front of them Katniss was supposed to be making centre pieces from twigs adorned with lights, and flowers.

“I think you’ve glued things on upside down, it’s okay we’ll fix it” he tried not to laugh. Katniss was the least crafty person he had ever met.

“I like the arch way, you’ve made it look really spectacular, it will make the entrance look so special. You have really helped us to set the theme, you and Jo.”

“Well you know us art nerds” Peeta mumbled as he undid some of Katniss handiwork.

“I don’t….but I’d like too” Katniss whispered in a low voice.

Peeta didn’t dare to look at her but kept going with what he was doing. He wasn’t sure what to say. He took a deep breath and prepared to ask her what she meant when suddenly the door burst open and there stood Gale, Cato and the other Jays players.

Gale was wearing what looked like doctors scrubs while the others were dressed in tacky sexy nurse outfits that no nurse in their right mind could wear and work in.

“Hey Katniss”

Peeta would swear he felt Katniss stiffen beside him, then she took a deep breath and turned to look(along with the rest of the room)

Gale unravelled his sign which said “I’m no doctor but it appears you’re suffering from DATELESSNESS. My suggestion is…..” meanwhile the rest held up signs that read “A date with Gale?” And “What more could you want?” And “A dose of Vitamin G!”

“No!” she shouted and the laughter and shouts of the Jays stopped.

“Just no! I told you this last night, the night before. You NEVER listen to me? I don’t want to date you or even go to the dance with you. I’ve tried being polite but it’s gotten me no where, please leave me alone and stop this. I’m not your girlfriend. I don’t want to be. Just stop”

“You selfish b-“ Gale started towards Katniss but Peeta stepped in front of her.

“I wouldn’t take another step or utter another word Hawthorne. Just take your guys and go. Or would you like me to call Miss Trinket?” Peeta’s voice was low and calm. Thom and Beetee had stood up too and walked towards Katniss and Peeta.

“Or what Smellark?” spat Gale.

“Funny, real funny but I think after 4 years you guys could have gotten a bit more creative with your insults. Cato, why don’t you take Gale and the guys and leave. Katniss has refused Gale’s offer, there is nothing else to be said.”

In the crowd of guys a few looked angry but others just looked confused about what had gone on. Had Gale really been hassling Katniss? He made it sound like she had wanted this big fuss but what if she hadn’t? The team started to move away and soon the room was cleared.

“Umm thanks guys…now where were we?”

“Hey Everdeen, I thought that guy was your boyfriend?” asked Jo confused by what had happened.

“Nope. Never was, never will be. He’s never been my type” Katniss smiled

“Interesting…..and would you type maybe be a little less male perhaps?” teased Jo much to the amusement of the others

“Sorry Jo, I’m not into girls, but I do know that Delly happens to think you are real cute.” And with a shocked squeak from Delly the whole committee burst into giggles.

Once everyone had settled down Katniss walked over to Peeta.

“Hey Peeta? Thanks for what you did for me with Gale. I don’t know why he has to act like that you know?”

“Katniss it’s ok really. I’ll walk you to your car after we’re done here if you want? In case he’s still around.”

“Thanks, but I should be ok. Right I better get these to Annie.” She nodded her head at the closed box in her hands that she had picked up from somewhere.

“What’s in it?

“Flowers! I may not be much good at making centerpieces but if you need a paper flower I’m your girl” she grinned as she said this “open the box and have a look.”

Peeta’s stomach dropped when he opened the box there were daisies, roses and right at the top yellow dandelions like the one given to him all those years ago.

“Peeta? Are you ok?” a worried Katniss asked.

“Yeah. Sorry just zoned out. These are really pretty. I better get back to the trees.”

Peeta worked quietly for rest of the hour to trying to figure out why Katniss had given him the flower all those years ago and the pencils and notebook which became his companions. In the notebook he drew his fears, his hopes covering every page and when it was full his mom bought him a new one. Even now he always had a notebook in his bag.

“Peeta? Can I give you a lift home?” asked Katniss Peeta startled at her voice he looked around and was slightly shocked to see they were the last people there. He hadn’t heard the others leave.

“Ok.” He shrugged and gathered up his stuff.

“Katniss? Can I ask you something?” Peeta was nervous but he needed to know why she did what she did.

“Sure.” She nodded

“After…. the Cato incident there was a paper flower and art stuff left in my locker. Did you do that?”

He watched her hands tighten around the steering wheel and she took a deep breath before she answered.

“Yes. I just wanted to give you something nice you know. Those guys were so mean and the rest of us should’ve done more, told the teachers. I watched you almost disappear and I hated that the light in your eyes dimmed so much. Your family was going through so much.”

“You were just a kid Katniss,it’s ok. Really. We got help. As a family we’ve survived. What else could you have done?” He reached over and put his hand on hers, it was awkward in the car but he wanted -no needed- her to know that he was ok.

“Your flower gave me hope, gave my life some color at a time when I had none. Thank you for seeing me, at a time when I felt no one did.”

“I always saw you Peeta.” She was looking at him now Peeta wanted to look away her gaze was almost too intense.

“You’re a painter. You’re a baker. You like to sleep with the windows open. You are the noisiest walker I have ever heard. And you always double-knot your shoelaces.”

“I know these things because I’ve always watched you and yes I know that’s crazy and I sound like a stalker but I need you to know this because we’re going away to college soon and I would like to at least be your friend but what I really want is to know you better and Leon knows and he told me that if I didn’t tell you I liked you he would.”

“Slow down… what?”

“I like you. A lot. Your stupid brother found out and has been teasing me. He said he would tell you before I could especially since we’re going to be at the same college next year. If you just want a friend that’s fine but I would really like to go on a date so you could get to know me…. and then…..well who knows….”

“Okay.”

“Okay like let’s go on a date or like I’m going to get out of car and run away?”

“The first one.”

**********

And so they had their first date 2 nights later.

And their first kiss that night too.

Peeta asked Katniss to be his girlfriend on their third date.

They went to their dance together and danced under the canopy of trees and flowers they had helped create.

They had their first fight when Peeta struggled to understand what a girl like Katniss saw in him. He questioned why? He kept expecting things to fall apart and doubted what they had was real.

Eventually his mom took him aside and told him that his problems were bigger then him and a professional would be better placed to help him.

“You deserve happiness Peeta,let us help you find it.”

He started seeing Dr Aurelius with Katniss, his family and friends supporting him every step of the way.

He told Katniss he loved her one evening when they were in her parent’s house. They were watching a stupid movie and she was laughing. He watched her eyes crinkle, her chuckles ringing in the air as she sat there in a panda onesie and he blurted it out.

She smiled at him and throwing her arms around his neck she told him the same, placing tiny kisses all over his face.

And then they graduated. The one person who didn’t was Cato Snow who was expelled following a positive drug test and several reports of bullying.

Gale never spoke to Katniss again.

A few of the Mockingjays team had apologized for their part in the dance proposal telling Katniss they had believed Gale when he told them that it was her idea.

Neither wanted to go to the end of year dance, instead they went with some of their friends to a small cabin by a lake and had a quiet celebration.

And later, in the quiet of the night after they had spent time having their own private celebration. Katniss sang to Peeta

Let the bough break, let it come down crashing

Let the sun fade out to a dark sky

I can’t say I’d even notice it was absent

‘Cause I could live by the light in your eyes

I’ll unfold before you

Would have strung together

The very first words of a lifelong love letter

Tell the world that we finally got it all right

I choose you

I will become yours and you will become mine

I choose you

I choose you, yeah

There was a time when I would have believed them

If they told me that you could not come true

Just love’s illusion

But then you found me

And everything changed

And I believe in something again

My whole heart

Will be yours forever

This is a beautiful start

To a lifelong love letter

Tell the world that we finally got it all right

I choose You

I will become yours and you will become mine

I choose You

I choose You

We are not perfect we’ll learn from our mistakes

And as long as it takes I will prove my love to you

I am not scared of the elements I am underprepared,

But I am willing

And even better

I get to be the other half of you

Tell the world that we finally got it all right

I choose You, yeah

I will become yours and you will become mine

I choose You

I choose You

I choose You

She had just finished and Peeta was about to say something when Johanna shouted.

“Seriously?? It was bad enough listening to you two screwing each other senseless now I have to hear you sing?! Keep this up and you’ll have to find a new roommate!”

After their laughter subsided Peeta turned to Katniss and whispering quietly he said.

“I choose you too. Always.”

#Springtime Edition 2020 #wendywobbles #white-dandelion-seeds #prompt 51 #early submission #submission

[thespacenico]

haven’t posted here in a while, so here’s a short klance drabble commissioned by @helloklancee!

twitter | instagram | klancemas zine!

·:*:·ﾟ★ sweet spot ★ﾟ·:*:· - 2.1k word oneshot - getting together - college au

“Keith, I swear to god if you make me kill my boba—” 

“I’m not! I’m just, moving it around a little—stop peeking!” 

“I’m not!” 

“Lance, I can literally see your eyeball right now.” 

Lance closes his eyes and covers them fully with his hand for the second time, heaving an unnecessarily long and overly dramatic sigh. “Why can’t we just drink our bobas! Like normal people. What if I smash the side of “Then I’ll just buy you a new one,” Keith snorts, clearly amused by Lance’s antics. A moment of haphazard shuffling as he adjusts the position of Lance’s cup on the table, and then it stops. “Okay. Go.” 

“This is a terrible idea,” Lance mutters, blindly lifting the straw in his other hand. He hovers uncertainly for a moment, arm fully extended over the table as he relocates it to where he hopes Keith has moved his cup, then swings downward. 

There’s a loud pop! and when Lance doesn’t feel anything spilling over his hand and into his lap, he cautiously peels his hand away from his face, opening one eye to see that his straw has gone straight through the center of his cup’s lid. 

“Ha!” he crows, pumping one fist in the air and laughing gleefully at the incredulous look on Keith’s face. “Nailed it! I told you, they don’t call me ‘Sharpshooter’ for nothing.” 

“No way,” Keith shakes his head, crossing his hands in a time-out motion. “There’s no way—you cheated! You peeked again, didn’t you?” 

Lance sputters. “Wha—no! I did that all by myself, fair and square! Can’t you just appreciate my awesomeness for once?” 

Keith chooses not to respond, instead picking up his own cup and watching Lance through narrowed eyes as he takes a sip. Lance follows suit, squinting as he props his elbows against the table, takes a sip, and promptly chokes on a boba pearl. 

It’s worth it to hear the way that Keith laughs, bright and unabashed throughout the quiet of the shop. 

They’re in the midst of finals week, and technically they should be studying right now, but it’s always nice to get off campus and breathe every once in a while. It’s not unusual for them to go out together; in fact, it’s a pretty regular thing. 

Lance is Keith’s go-to, Keith is Lance’s go-to, meaning that outside of classes and routine schoolwork, they take up almost all of each other’s time. Keith had texted Lance about needing a study break, Lance had mentioned that he’d been craving boba for the past eighteen hours, and the rest is history.

That’s often how it goes. It’s just a little bit infuriating. 

Infuriating, in the sense that Lance has had a big fat crush on Keith since the first semester of their freshman year, and nearly a full year later he still can’t bring himself to make a move. It’s kind of ridiculous, because honestly, what would really change if they were to start dating? 

They’re like a package deal, together nearly every moment that they’re able to be. They go the the cafeteria together, they do homework together, they let each other crash in their dorm rooms—quiznak, they even alternate paying for off-campus outings, considering that they happen so often. 

“People don’t do all that with just anyone,” Hunk has told Lance, time and time and time again. 

Maybe not, but Lance doesn’t take this stuff lightly. He’s not sure he wants to risk what they already have.

They spend a while at the boba shop—longer than they should have—complaining about their professors, giggling through several card games, snapping a few very unflattering pictures of each other sipping on their boba. Lance snags an extra straw from the front counter and sticks one in each nostril, and Keith laughs so hard that he nearly falls out of his chair, which only makes him laugh even harder. 

The trip back to campus is no less lively. They sing their lungs out to A-ha’s “Take On Me,” as is tradition for them, and by the time that Lance is pulling into the parking lot outside Keith’s dorm, his cheeks are flushed with warmth and mouth smiling as they both climb out onto the pavement into the cold. Part of him wishes their night didn’t have to end here, but they both have a lot to do, and together they tend to distract each other, so. It’s probably for the best.

The sun set hours ago, but the moon is bright and full in the sky, the winter air crisp and inviting. Lance shoves his hands in his jacket pockets as Keith slips out of the passenger seat and walks around to the other side, shivering as he zips up his coat. “How are you not freezing? I feel cold just looking at you.” 

“You’re just cold-blooded,” Lance shrugs, and yelps when Keith pokes him sharply in the side, snickering at Lance’s half-hearted pout. “Hey! No one’s keeping you here, just hurry up and go inside if you’re so cold!” 

He can’t tell if he only imagines it or not, but if he didn’t know any better he’d say that Keith’s smile seems to falter slightly, as if the thought of parting with each other bothers him as much as it bothers Lance. “I… yeah,” Keith nods, and Lance finds his own smile wavering when he lowers his gaze to the ground, kicking at a pebble on the sidewalk. “I guess I should get back to studying.”

Lance mentally kicks himself, although he doesn’t even know what he’s kicking himself for. Keith sounds disappointed. Why does he sound disappointed? What has Lance done. What did he do. What was there to be done.

He opens his mouth. Closes it, as he searches for the right words. “Um, yeah. I probably should, too.”

It’s unclear if he’s made things better or worse from the expression that Keith wears when he looks up again, shifting restlessly from one foot to the other. There’s something almost shy about his posture, nervous energy radiating off him in waves as he takes a breath as if to say something, then pauses. He seems anxious, and that makes Lance anxious, because he doesn’t like the thought of being someone who makes Keith anxious.

“Hey, are you okay?” Lance pulls his hands from his pockets but they only hover uselessly at his sides, uncertain. Keith shuffles in place, silent and mostly avoiding eye contact, which is odd and rather concerning since hardly a moment ago everything seemed to be totally normal. Lance’s brow furrows. “Seriously, what’s wrong? You seem kind of—” The rest of his words die on his tongue before he has the chance to utter them, because then Keith quickly steps forward, leans in, and kisses his cheek. 

Lance’s brain sputters. Chokes and fizzles out, just like the new fizzy drink on the boba menu that he had earlier considered and ultimately decided against. He stands very still, frozen to the spot as Keith pulls away just as quickly, cheeks visibly flushed despite only the moonlight and streetlamps to make it out. 

He clears his throat, reaching up to brush a piece of hair behind his ear. “Just, um. Thanks for tonight. I really needed it.” Lance stares at him, speechless, face burning as Keith takes a step back, mumbling. “Good luck with studying. And I’ll—see you tomorrow, I guess.” Then just like that, he turns and starts toward the front doors of the dorm building, leaving Lance standing rigid and flabbergasted on the sidewalk wondering exactly what the heck was in his drink. 

At least, he tried to. Lance doesn’t let him get very far. “What—Keith, wait.” 

Keith stops in his tracks, glancing over his shoulder at where Lance’s fingers have closed around his wrist, then up at Lance. Lance blinks back at him, almost as surprised by himself as Keith seems to be, but he doesn’t back down. For a moment they’re both silent, a thick, heavy tension settling over them. The air is electric, prickling at Lance’s skin and sending a shiver down his spine that he’s barely able to suppress. 

Lance’s heart is racing, beating painfully behind his ribcage as he searches Keith’s face. His gaze is more open and vulnerable than Lance has ever seen it, his expression an apprehensive mix of uncertainty and anticipation, like he’s waiting to see what happens next but is afraid of what that might be. Lance opens his mouth to speak but nothing comes out, especially when Keith’s eyes widen ever so slightly, almost too hopeful for Lance’s poor heart to bear.

He makes a split second decision. 

Lance pulls a willing, albeit puzzled Keith back toward him, and kisses him. It takes a rather mortifying, agonizing moment for Keith to kiss back, but when he does, Lance can’t believe they took so long to make this happen. 

Once they get started, Lance can’t imagine ever wanting to stop. Keith’s hands slide up to rest on his shoulder and cup the back of his neck, eagerly pressing against him when Lance gently tugs him closer by the waist. And either Lance moves back or Keith moves forward, because hardly a second later Lance is backed against his car door and gratefully leaning against it, desperate for some kind of support considering how easily his legs have turned to jello.

Keith tastes sweet, which Lance can’t help but think is entirely fitting. It reminds him of all Keith’s favorite drinks, of the coffee he takes to class every morning with too much sugar mixed in, of the candies he always asks Lance to bring back from the store when he gets held up at dinner with his brother. Lance shifts slightly and Keith follows, voicing zero protest as Lance slowly turns them around so it’s Keith backed up against the car instead, fingers tangled in Lance’s hair. 

Every time one of them pulls away the other only drags them back in, noses brushing with every tilt of their jaw, blinking butterfly kisses against each other’s cheeks from the sheer proximity. Lance practically melts at Keith’s touch, humming when he brushes a thumb over his cheekbone, wanting to be closer and closer even though they’re already as close as they can be.

If he wasn’t cold before, then he certainly isn’t cold now. At some point Keith’s arms wind around his neck, one hand pressing between his shoulder blades, and Lance feels like he’s burning but not unpleasantly. 

His hands hover near Keith’s waist, slipping underneath his coat, playing with the hem of his shirt before pressing underneath that as well, settling his fingers over bare skin. And maybe it’s instinctive, or habitual, but Lance finds himself rubbing a single, gentle circle against his hips with his thumbs without thinking, causing Keith to make a small sound in the back of his throat.

He abruptly breaks apart, breath catching in his throat, and Lance immediately withdraws his hands from underneath Keith’s shirt. “Sorry, I—I’m sorry, was that—”

“It’s fine,” Keith rasps, breath hot on Lance’s mouth. He swallows, eyelids fluttering and hands gripping Lance’s shoulders tightly to steady himself. “Just… trying to—process.”

Lance relaxes, shoulders loosening as he slips back underneath his shirt and settles his fingers there. He’s quiet for a moment, eyes fixed on Keith as he tries to catch his breath, letting himself admire everything he’d tried so hard to ignore, way back when: the slope of his nose, the dip of his chin, the faded mark on his cheek from an accident when he was sixteen, even the place at the corner of his mouth where he knows a dimple would be if he were smiling. 

Having Keith this close to him, eyes heavy and cheeks flushed and breathing hotly against his mouth—it hardly feels real, after all this time.  

He lifts one hand to rest against Keith’s cheek without remembering when he ever told it to move. It makes Keith look up at him though, and he finds himself smiling when their eyes meet, tucking a stray piece of hair behind his ear. “You know, now that we got the hard part out of the way, I think now is a pretty good time to tell you that I have a big fat crush on you.” 

Keith laughs breathlessly, gripping the collar of Lance’s jacket. “I should hope so. I have a big fat crush on you, too.”

“How long?” Lance asks, with very thinly veiled curiosity. 

“God, I don’t know. First semester of freshman year?” 

Lance stares at him. “We’re both idiots.” 

Keith doesn’t ask why, only laughs again in agreement and leans forward to kiss him again, a gentle press of his lips against the corner of his mouth. “That’s okay with me.” 

(Needless to say, Lance doesn’t get much studying done that night. And that’s just fine with him.)

#my writing #klance #keith #lance #voltron #vld #keithvoltron #lancevoltron #keithkogane #keith kogane #lancemcclain #lance mcclain

[spidercakes]

It continues!

Edit: my stupid ass forgot the tag list posting so here it is (though some of you still found it lmao): @prettieststarker @readysetstarker @lover-starker @starkerprince @starker-flame @i-am-irondaddy @blush-reincarnated @c6h12o6-work @von–gelmini @caseysroses @darkobsidianquill​

Part One | Part Two

Its been a long time since Tony has done this but sometimes things just feel a little more out of control and this is an easy way to get some of that back ethically. Plus he enjoys it, maybe more than he should. Its not like he’s never considered why he likes the control so much, if that means he’s controlling, and then by extension just like Howard but he’s long ago come to the conclusion that that’s not it. He doesn’t want to control someone per se, what he wants is control over a situation. The fact that other people are involved it more a symptom of how he chose to go about gaining that level of control. And he’s always taken care to not take that away from whoever he’s with because, as Pepper pointed out, he’s not much like Howard if you look further than skin deep.

Still, he hadn’t initially planned to just throw himself back into one of these things, mostly he was catching up with Sam and feeling things out but then he saw Peter. Sam’s not stupid, he knows his type, so he said he’d work something out. And Peter, fuck he’s perfect. A little inexperienced for his taste, and a little on the young side, but Tony is willing to look past that on account of he knows he’s not going to get anything better. He’d done this enough times to be able to pick up on small signs of compatibility and Peter might be inexperienced, but Tony happens to know he’s got more of a submissive side than he knows. Makes sense, for his age, that he hasn’t figured that out quite yet. At his age he’s probably still experimenting with things.

Normally experience is something he prefers but in this case he made an exception. The way Peter responded proved him right enough that he’s not entirely worried about it beyond Peter finding his voice. But the way he’d responded to Tony, handing over his other wrist without him having to ask, lifting his head a little so Tony could put the blindfold on, the way his uncomfortable squirming immediately stopped when Tony had settled a hand on his knee. Yeah, Tony knows Peter will be more than compatible with what he’s looking for.

As it is he’s disappointed that he’s going to have to wait until later to see Peter again but they both have things to do. Maybe this is one of those situations where patience pays off. Tony doubts it on account of he’d be just as excited if not more if Peter showed up now, but he’ll take what he can get. There’s also the slight disappointment of stretching things out a bit, giving Peter time to adjust to something new rather than jumping right into it but its necessary. Tony wants to give him time to gain a level of trust in him before he starts taking away his senses and leaving him to rely more on Tony than not. If he were more experienced it wouldn’t be much of a problem, but he’s not so Tony needs to start fresh.

Not ideal, considering his usual impatience, but he knows that it’ll be well worth it to wait for Peter to catch up.

*

 Peter bites his lip, unsure what to expect aside from what Tony told him in the beginning. He does have to admit that having his own key is pretty cool, mostly because Tony’s penthouse is nice as hell. “I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing,” he hisses at Liz over the phone.

She sighs, “didn’t you say he like… gave you an outline of what to expect?” she asks.

He rolls his eyes, “if I gave you an outline of child birth do you think it’d prepare you?” he asks.

Liz snorts, “Peter, that’s such a guy thing to say. This is in no way comparable to child birth. But your point is taken. We should throw a party there, seems like a swanky place,” she says like Peter doesn’t desperately need this job.

“Liz, I have hospital bills to pay,” he points out.

“I’m kidding Peter, mostly. But if he’s a dick we can totally trash the place, you know MJ would do it in a heartbeat.” True, and Peter loves her for it but Tony has been more than polite so far and he’s talked to some of the other people Sam employs. Turns out he’s a real stickler for not being a douchebag and he takes his employee concerns very seriously so he’s gained a bit of trust that this won’t turn into a massive shit show.

“I actually think he’s pretty nice,” Peter says, looking over the directions to the room Tony told him his stuff was in. For an apartment this place is a fucking maze.

“Yeah, he hires prostitutes, how nice can he be?” Liz says, distain in her voice.

Peter frowns, “you know I’m the prostitute, right?”

“Obviously, Peter.”

“Yeah, well acting like only losers and assholes pick up prostitutes doesn’t exactly make the job less stigmatizing. Maybe he doesn’t have time for a relationship, or doesn’t want one, you don’t know.” He does know that Tony doesn’t want a relationship with him, which is fine because he doesn’t want one with Tony either. Aside from you know, a good relationship with the guy who is also his boss, technically. God, this is messy.

The good news is that he finds the room finally and breathes out a sigh of relief as he steps inside and goes on the hunt for his outfit. Thankfully Tony has laid it out on the bed for him so he doesn’t need to go far.

“Okay, but do like… normal guys go to prostitutes?” she asks and Peter frowns.

“Yeah, probably. Why is it that sex for money somehow makes the sex dirtier or whatever? Its not like being in a relationship is free and you’re totally financially independent of them unless you make good money. Even platonic relationships don’t escape that, remember the time we all talked Ned out of moving across the country to live with his girlfriend because we’ve be fucked for rent? Anyway, I just think that paying someone to have sex with you is hardly demeaning or whatever.”

He picks up the white teddy and frowns at it for a moment, unsure how that’ll look on him. The pink frilly booty shorts are cute, though, even if they’re not something he’d pick out for himself. He shrugs and tosses Liz on the bed so he can change.

“Yeah but like. Can guys who go to prostitutes even get relationships?” Liz asks and Peter snorts.

“The sheer amount of politicians that go to prostitutes say yeah, they get into relationships just fine. Like, what is the correlation people draw between prostitution and not being able to get sex for free? Is it really less degrading to pick someone up at a bar when you’ve only known them for a half an hour? At least I get paid for my trouble now, my last Tinder date was shit in bed and I paid for dinner.” That was like, forever ago but still. He’d consider what he’s doing now considerably less degrading than that. Tony buys nice lingerie and, to Peter’s surprise, it actually looks pretty nice on him.

He fully expects Liz to have some kind of response for that but she remains silent for a moment. “I guess you make a point there. Did you figure out where you were supposed to go?” she asks.

“Yeah. Also, turns out I look cute lingerie,” he says.

The squeal of surprise is unexpected but more pleasant than their last discussion so he’ll take it. “Send me a picture!” she says and he frowns. “In like. A not sexual way,” she clarifies.

“Is that like… normal for girls? Do you guys just send each other pictures of yourselves in lingerie?” Because that seems like a dream world to him, throw some guys in there and he’s in bisexual heaven.

“Sometimes. Guys don’t do that?” she asks.

Peter squints as he opens the camera app. “Liz, in what world do guys where lingerie?” he asks.

“This one if you’re to be believed,” she points out.

Right, good point. “You know what I mean. No, guys don’t just send each other random pictures in sexy clothing. I sent the picture and if you make fun of me I’ll move and screw you all for rent,” he tells her.

She remains silent for a moment before she makes a small, approving noise. “That actually does look good on you,” she says. “What the fuck.”

“What the fuck what?” he asks, checking himself out in the mirror. He… didn’t expect to actually like this but he doesn’t mind.

“That style of lingerie looks like total shit on me and I’m mad it looks good on you,” she says. Peter grins because jealousy is a good emotion to have in this case. And if Liz thinks he looks good Tony definitely will.

“Die mad about it,” he tells Liz, who snorts and starts laughing.

“Don’t let the lace give you too much confidence,” she tells him despite the fact that he’s not wearing any lace. Its more of a sheer gossamer material that shines a little and compliments his skin nicely. He thought the white on his pale as shit skin would make him look like a fucking ghost but instead he looks etherial. Huh, so maybe this is why women like lingerie so much.

He chats back and forth with Liz for a few more minutes but she has to do homework and frankly so does he so they hang up to go do that. And Peter means to do homework, really, but the closet beckons and he has to hang up the clothes he changed out of anyway so he goes over to check it out.

His opinions on Tony’s taste mostly improve minus the yellow… thing that’s probably the most hideous shade of yellow Peter has ever seen. But the rest? Its clear that Tony has a thing for red and black, which makes his current outfit kind of a strange choice and that makes him curious but he does like most of the rest of the stuff in the closet. There’s a few things that are… well, strappy enough that he’s confused how to put them on, and a couple things that don’t look that great, but otherwise Tony clearly has talent in aesthetics.

“I didn’t think you’d take to the lingerie,” someone says and Peter lets out an accidental scream and tosses the garment thats in his hand. He turns to find Tony in the doorway looking amused.

“Oh my god, give a guy a warning!” he says, hand pressed to his heart.

Tony doesn’t look any less amused, eyes bright as he looks Peter over. “That looks nice on you,” he says, gesturing vaguely at him.

Peter looks down at himself and grins, “it does, doesn’t it? I was worried I’d come out looking like fucking Casper but thankfully that was not the case,” he says.

Tony snorts and starts laughing, “god, its been forever since someone has referenced that around me. I’m kind of surprised you even know what Casper is,” he says.

Peter doesn’t mean to say it but it slips out anyway. “Okay, boomer,” he says out of pure instinct and thankfully Tony bursts out laughing.

“One, I’m not that old. Two, you always this sassy or is this new?”

“Um. Depends, usually its a comfort thing. Sorry I called you a boomer,” he says.

“Its fine. The youths know how to make a good meme, I’ll give you guys that,” Tony says, smiling still.

“Well, the economy is shit so all we’ve got is depression humor and memes so we gotta make it good,” he says, considering his choices for a half a second before figuring fuck it. He could stay here all day or he could figure out what the rest of the night will be like and go over to Tony, see how he reacts. As it turns out he mostly looks like he wants to devour Peter but he keeps his hands to himself even if his thoughts are pretty obvious on his face. Peter wraps his arms around Tony’s neck, a silent way of giving him permission to touch him, and leans into him. “So we’re watching a movie, right? What am I supposed to expect?”

Tony looks pretty ready to abandon the movie idea but he doesn’t. “Your choice,” he says and Peter grins.

“Star Wars?” he asks excitedly.

“Baby, which Star Wars movie? And if you list any of the prequels I’ll fire you,” he jokes.

Peter wrinkles his nose, “A New Hope, obviously. Ew, why would I subject us to Jar Jar?”

Tony snickers, wrapping his arms around Peter’s waist. “Thank god. I met someone who liked Jar Jar Binks once and I’ve never been the same.”

*

He’s been staring at the skirt for like fifteen minutes and no one is home. Everyone else has classes or work in MJ’s case so really, there’s no harm if he steals Liz’s skirt from the floor of her room. No one will ever know and he’s never even had thoughts like that before and- well, okay, that’s not exactly true. He’s always liked the aesthetic of skirts, its just that he never really considered them on him before. But the way Tony reacted when he saw Peter in that lingerie, the way he kept looking at him all night…

He didn’t expect to like that feeling so much and skirts are pretty, he’s always liked them…

Fuck it, if he hates it he can put it back and its not like Liz would ever know so he sneaks in, snatches it from the ground, and sneaks back out. They’re probably the same size so this should be fine. Once in his room and slips it on and sure enough, it fits perfectly though it sits different on him than Liz. Probably on account of she has hips and he doesn’t, not really. But it does sit nicely over his butt so there’s that.

He grins, snatching his phone out of his abandoned pant pockets and moving his mirror in front of his bed so he can try and take a decent picture. It takes some finagling and a little work but he finally manages to get a good angle and-

“Oh shit,” he says, desperately snapping pictures as his free hand slips and he falls headfirst off the bed. He sighs, picking himself back up and smoothing out Liz’s skirt before examining the pictures.

He smiles, saving the good ones and deleting the rest before he sends them off to Tony. His favorite is the one with his back arched, the skirt sitting just too high to be appropriate, exposing a little cheek underneath. If he ignores his messy bed in the background its pretty much the perfect picture given the proportions of it. Tony’s response is pretty much immediate.

Wear that tomorrow.

#starker #tony stark x peter parker #alternate universe #fanfiction #chapter 2

[thotfuss]

I kind of agree with the other Annonymous writer, I have both your ex and your feed. She apologizes for the things she did wrong and never says a bad word about you. She fully admits to things. It does feel wrong to keep calling her out as an abuser because she has been getting targeted and crucified because of your words. Is that not just as bad really? Friends and family, of course, will always take your side ALWAYS. You should listen to your heart. I am sure you loved her once.

I’ll be honest, I wrote a really angry stream of consciousness response to this, deleted it, considered not answering this at all, wrote out an actual response, told myself I didn’t owe it to anyone to explain, deleted that, and then wrote it again. Maybe this is my fault for talking about it or referencing it on here, but I never used her url or name, and I never went into detail. I saw it as me using my own blog to express my feelings, which, maybe I shouldn’t have. So I’m sorry if that’s the case. i was never “calling her out,” simply expressing my own feelings on my personal blog, i’m sorry if that was irresponsible. But I am not okay with the messages I’ve been getting lately. This is one of...5 similar ones sitting in my inbox rn? So I am NOT answering this to put my ex on blast or to target and crucify her, and I DON’T owe this explanation to anyone but for my own peace of mind I’m going to explain! (under a read more for abuse tw)

First of all, even if she DID admit to things she did wrong and apologizes for them, it doesn’t make it...not abuse? I seriously doubt she’s getting targeted and crucified, I haven’t posted her URL on here, haven’t even used her NAME, and her family and friends were extremely supportive of her and her actions when all this was happening.

It took me MONTHS to even be able to consider labeling what happened as abuse. Even after my therapist, my family, my friends, EVERYONE who knew about even a FRACTION of what was going on, had said that it was categorically emotional abuse I still felt like i was exaggerating or asking for attention. and to be honest, I still feel like that! 

My ex was insecure. I wrote everything that happened off as her being insecure for SO long, because every time I brought up an issue she would say I “wasn’t supporting her,” and that I should “know how it felt” because of my own issues with mental illness. But when I look back at some of the things that happened-I went to visit my sister back in September, and when I told my ex, she threatened to break up with me if I went. She also threatened to break up with me after my sister gave me a string bracelet she’d made me before leaving for college, because my ex thought that if I put it on, I’d be “replacing her.” I wasn’t allowed to hang out with my family in any capacity unless she was there. I wasn’t allowed to have other friends, I wasn’t even allowed to spend time by myself. She got angry if I spent time on homework, if I went home to do laundry, even if I wanted to sleep. She would say I’d rather sleep than spend time with her, so I was averaging 5 hours of sleep on a GOOD night. she lived about 30 minutes away from me, and I work a lot of night shifts. 

I would often go home before going to her place to change, feed my frog, etc, and she would get FURIOUS over this. She forced me to keep my location services on at all times, despite my telling her that it made me incredibly anxious and paranoid. If she saw me at my parents’ house, my apartment, the store, ANYWHERE without me having told her that I was going there, she would call me until I picked up and explained. 

She forced me to put her fingerprint into my phone so that she could go through my phone whenever she wanted. When I expressed discomfort, I was told both by her and her mother (who genuinely thought everything I’m outlining was an okay way to treat someone, which made it really hard for ME to tell that it wasn’t because I was surrounded on all sides by people telling me the opposite) that if I didn’t have anything to hide, it shouldn’t be an issue. She read through old chats of mine, and got upset about things I’d said to people before I’d even MET her-telling my friends I loved them, etc. She would monitor my social media activity, and if I was active somewhere and hadn’t messaged her back in a few minutes, she would call me repeatedly until I picked up. If I didn’t pick up immediately-If I was in class, at work, asleep, etc, she would later cite that as a reason she couldn’t trust me.  There was one morning where I woke up and she had turned my alarm off, and was on my phone scrolling through my phone calls and asking why I had called a certain number the day before but hadn't called her (I had called my dentist's office to reschedule an appointment.) While I was at work, she texted me calling me a fucking asshole and a cheater, based off of this situation alone.

I’m an art major, and I draw a lot! I like drawing portraits, I’ll sketch people in class, etc, and when she saw that she would accuse me of being in love with the nameless stranger I’d sketched in the coffee shop or something. She told me that the figure drawing class I was taking was “basically cheating,” to the point that I dropped out of it. She would go through my sketchbook constantly, which is something that’s very personal to me and I told her this. She once again cited that if I didn’t have anything to hide, it should be fine. She got angry at me for drawing fictional characters, even guys, which. I’m a lesbian! But she would get jealous and have a meltdown. 

She CONSTANTLY accused me of looking at other girls in public, even though I truly never was. I was driving us home from somewhere once, and looked in my sideview mirror to merge lanes, and she thought I was checking out the girl who was walking by on the sidewalk and blew up at me. Multiple times, she would get upset at me while we were driving somewhere and try to jump out of my moving car over an issue such as the one I just mentioned. 

She would get mad when I wore makeup to class or work, or even dresses or nice clothes. I would tell her that I just LIKED that dress, or that I just enjoyed doing makeup, and she would say I was only doing it to ‘impress other girls.’ On the other hand, she got upset several times when I DIDN’T wear makeup when we went out, because she said I wasn’t making an effort for her. 

She got upset at me when I didn’t finish meals, which she said triggered her own issues. I explained several times that my own anxiety (not food-related, just general) messed with my appetite a LOT, and made it hard for me to eat sometimes. 

She also gets mad when I don't finish my food, and stuff like that. I get that that's because of her eating disorder, obviously, but she still takes it out on me. All of this, when I react defensively or show that I'm hurt by her accusations, she says that i'm not giving her the "reassurance" she needs.

When I brought any of this up, she would have a melt down and cite her insecurities and mental health issues. I have major anxiety and depression issues, I've been hospitalized for it before and go to therapy once a week and am also on a lot of medication for it. When I had depressive episodes, bad days, or anxiety attacks, she would often get mad at me, and said I was sulking, or she said that it must mean I didn’t love her because she didn’t make me happy enough. I usually ended up comforting her over it.

On the anxiety note, I also tend to break out in a rash on my chest and neck when I'm anxious, and I will clarify that this looks NOTHING like hickeys. My neck gets red and blotchy, and I get itchy. when this happens, she LOST it every time without fail, melting down and telling me over and over "stop lying! just tell me who it was who did you do this with," etc, etc.

She told me that if we broke up, she would probably let her own mental health issues get worse, and would stop eating all together. She also flat out LIED about this when I brought it up later, saying that I was the one who had threatened to hurt myself if we broke up. She told me this, and other people this, and made up similar stories, so much that I started to believe it. I was apologizing for my own existence by the end of it, for every word out of my mouth, I was going crazy. I didn’t even REALIZE how bad it was, until I mentioned to my sister that I hadn’t driven the 30 mins over to her house one night due to the bad weather, and she had called me and called me until I picked up, forced me to send her pictures of the roads(?) and then said she’d “rather have someone who would drive on bad roads for her.” This wasn’t even near the worst thing that had happened, but the fact that my sister CRIED over that made me take a step or two back. And I left. Like...a few weeks after that. and it was HARD, it was the hardest thing I”ve EVER had to do, because i GENUINELY thought I was condemning someone to die. Like she fucked me up that bad! I still feel guilty. But I did it! She told me that nobody else would ever love me like her, that nobody would accept my mental health issues, etc, but guess what! I did it! 

And she STILL tried to contact me, refused to leave me alone, showed up at my WORK with a letter and flowers wanting to work it out (and sure she says this was romantic, whatever, but she forced me to unblock her number and hug her and now cites that as me “still feeling the same”) and made like...several different accounts to message me on here after I kept blocking the new ones she made. 

I have NO idea what she’s saying about me, and I don’t care. I want more than anything to move on. I hope she’s happy, I do! I get really, really, angry about it sometimes and I feel horrible for the way her isolating me made me cut off some very important people in my life. I’m still hurting, but i’m HAPPY. I want to move on, I don’t want this to be who I am, it doesn’t define me and I’d love to move on and meet other people and not have this fucking haunting me! And she keeps finding ways to bring it up. I wish her no ill will, and I”m not saying she’s a bad person. I’m not! But I am entitled to my feelings in the matter, I”m allowed to say that it sucked, I’m ALLOWED to say that it was abuse because there are things that happened that I haven’t even told my therapist, because it’s too hard to think about. I’m allowed to move on. Please, please allow me to move on. 

I’m not going to answer anything else about this, maybe I shouldn’t have talked about it in any capacity on here, maybe that’s my fault. But please stop messaging me about it. 

#abuse

[kireon]

Store Bought Hero

x-posted from my writing account as well as my author blog.

If natural heroes didn't work, store bought was fine too.

At least, that's what you keep telling yourself. It becomes a mantra as you peruse the discount racks at your favorite clothing store that definitely does not start with 'K'. Setting aside the whole ‘escaped from the lab you were created in’ thing, you haven’t noticed any serious differences between natural heroes and the lab created ones ('store bought', as they say) except for the whole income disparity thing.

Oh, and the sponsors.

Everyone knows natural heroes shopped at Gucci and their sidekicks at Macy's, bare minimum, they simply must be outfitted with the best at all times if they are to be known in the world. You can hear the professor from the labs’ rant clear as day even fifteen years later. While you definitely like a select group of brand name items? You have bills to pay, mouths to feed, and a gigantic fucking load of student loans on your back.

No rich parents, tragic enough backstory, or sponsors for you: a 'store bought'.

With a sigh, you eye a sequined leotard and run your hand up and down the rough fabric. There is something satisfying about the way the colors shift from a too shiny silver to a lurid cherry red. You like shiny. You like shiny an awful lot, as a matter of fact, and that's how you got yourself into this entire mess in the first place.

"How was I supposed to know the stupid anklet was his downfall?" You grumble as you tear yourself away from the sequined nightmare. Restraint isn’t something that comes easily but you’ve had years to practice. A half-hearted paw through the racks of clothing marked at sixty-percent off or more reveals a pair of dark red pleather pants that might just make a good costume base.

"It's not like I walk around with my weakness in plain sight."

It wasn't even a decent anklet either; not even sterling silver or real diamonds or brand name. It was a cheap nickel plated piece of flash and the rash it gave you still itched even a week later. Some sort of curse for the unwary, or so the hero had claimed when you'd given it back to him a day later.

You neglected to inform him of your nickel allergy during the confrontation.

Well, maybe not wisely. You might have been able to get some sort of financial compensation outta him for the damage done to your skin. The rash and blisters did look really awful when he’d caught up with you and he looked horrified when he saw the results.

Heroes had that whole ‘do innocents no harm’ thing, after all.

You'd rather die than admit to anything so common as a nickel allergy, so you accused him of having a curse put on it. He ate up the accusation and used it to his advantage, as they all do. In exchange for falling for the good old fashioned sob story that was your life-- lightly embellished, of course--you had to become his sidekick as penance for your (petty) crimes. Also to completely remove the effects of this nonexistent curse.

After all, you were in ‘dire need’ of a good role model, yadda yadda yadda. You’d stopped listening to his moral prattling about the same time he tried to invoke the ‘daddy issues’ card. The last time someone had pulled that shit on you, they woke up woozy, confused, and completely unaware of the clown makeup as they walked out (pantsless) into the busiest part of the city. Waterproof makeup at that.

Just as a little extra “fuck you” to prove a point; you don’t like doing more than petty retaliation if you can help it.

You can be quite nasty, after all.

In the end, Hero McDadguy puffed up in his usual self-importance and gave you an entire fifty bucks towards a ‘basic’ costume and sent you on your way with a time limit. He was currently busy getting some frothy concoction at that one coffee shop just around the block. Far enough away that it’s a test of trust and boundaries but close enough he can close the gap and probably haul your ass in if he needs to.

The added caveat that you weren’t to embarrass him with your costume choice makes you want to do it even more. The only thing holding you back is the fact that you do have to wear the costume. In public.

Petty and spite take a backseat to pride and self-preservation.

Not like he was one to talk. He had that whole ‘90s cyberpunk meets Dad-on-Tropical-Vacation’ theme going on. Fanny pack, socks with sandals... the works.  You’d rather go to jail than try to figure out how to replicate, keep in theme with, or otherwise find something to compliment that mess.

You mutter that very thing under your breath while you snag a few promising pieces-- and the leotard because fuck self-control you deserve something nice-- off the rack and head for the dressing room to start trying things on. Twenty minutes of posing in the mirror in varying outfit combinations later and you ignore the request for 'photo evidence' of you behaving and call your oldest child instead.  

“Hey, what’s the name of that one bird that steals shit?” You ask as you shimmy into a pair of leather shorts with sequins on the ass. You’re definitely about ten pounds shy of ‘Juicy’, as the flashy hot pink word on your butt says, but this could very well be the start of something amazing.

“Maybe you wanna be more specific unless you want me to read descriptions for the next ten years?”  

Nat is much like you; level-headed, brilliant in school but woefully under challenged, and has the same smart-mouth that had gotten you slapped through a wall once or fifteen times in your early life. You would never lay a hand on your kids regardless of how mouthy they get with you and so have to find other methods of curbing their attitudes when they get too out of line.

There’s a lot of yelling and someone sounds like they’re on the verge of tears in the background. A muffled Nat’s voice tells them to ‘calm the hell down, it’s fine’ before they come back on the line.

“What’s all that about?” You ask as you sift through the tops for something that would go with it. This opportunity might be a wash with how little luck you’re having. Might be time for Plan B- especially if there’s a problem with the kids. Your hand lands on a peacock blue-and-green number that doesn’t look bad but isn’t quite what you’re looking for. Ugh.

It’d clash with that highlighter orange from Mr. I Sweat Burberry Cologne.

Your middle child’s voice is loud and clear on the line now. “If you buy those shorts I am putting myself into the Child Relocation Program and you’ll never see me again.”

You consider it for a moment. Mortal embarrassment of your thirteen year old or being a slightly less fashion disaster than you feel. Tough decision, really. You feel yourself smile after letting Morgan sweat it out just long enough.

“Clean the kitchen and I’ll consider it.”

The quintessential teenage shriek of fury and angst comes loud and clear through the phone. “I knew you were going to say that! You’re the worst!”

Some parents prayed against having a child born with precognitive powers. While annoying to deal with, it’s also a lot of fun to use against them. It makes parenting interesting and more of a game to see just which future the kiddo wants to avoid- or get away with. “

You feel your smile widen at the range of futures said kiddo has likely foreseen. You’ll have so much fun with this particular set of visions and using it like baby photos against them. “So did you clean the kitchen?”

“Duh!” A most indignant tone.

You laugh. You can’t help it. “Put Nat back on the phone.”

“Promise me you’re not buying those first.” Stubborn and firm. A bit of desperation there too. Not quite ready to beg but not all that far off either.

The way they say ‘those’ makes you laugh all over again. “I’m not buyin’ ‘em, don’t worry.”

“And that weird guy isn’t buying them either?”

Damn it. “Nope. He won’t buy them either.” So much for that idea. Maybe you could-

“No stealing them either!”

Double damn it. “Fine, fine; the shorts stay in the store.”

“Thank you.”

The phone goes back to your oldest. “So, about that bird?”

“Jackdaw, Magpie, Corvids.” You hear scratching of pencil on paper. Homework? At, you check your phone, two-seventeen in the afternoon on a Saturday? Your eyes narrow suspiciously.

Who is it you’re talking to and what have they done with your child?

“Corvids? Like crows and shit?”

“Yup. And no, I’m not a body snatcher.”

A grin. “Sounds like something a body snatcher would say.”  

Jackdaw didn’t have that something you were looking for. Didn’t roll off the tongue the way it needed to in your head when you imagined some Big Bad Villain spotting you mid-villainous speech. Corvid didn’t either. Crow wasn’t hitting any notes either.

Raven was absolutely taken by no less than eighty-three variations in your city alone.

Rook had some fun possibilities if you had actually bothered playing and learning chess. (You can’t; you can’t sit still or pay enough attention for that shit and you own that.)

Your eyes fall on the silver-and-red sequined leotard again.

You hear your prophecy cursed child screech in despair in the background and the younger two who have gathered to watch the show tell them to shut up.

Nat, ever patient and ever your child, smiles on the other end of the phone. “I think that’s the one, Magpie.”

Magpie... yeah, you like the sound of that one. Magpie it is. “It’ll make a good base; is Morgan--”

“McFreakin’ Losing It? Yep.” You can hear the sounds of pencil scratching against paper again. Curiosity overrules any possible ‘do not need to know’ that you and Nat sometimes stumble into.

“Okay, I’ll bite; what are you doing?”

“Fulfilling the prophecy as foretold by the ancients long ago.” if Nat’s voice were any drier, they’d be dust in a forgotten tomb. “I’m designing the rest of your costume so you’re not a total train wreck and Morgan can die quietly.”

“You’re my favorite.” You say as you gleefully stuff the leotard-- you’ve tried it on twice and know it fits like a dream-- back on its hanger and wiggle out of the shorts. A wiggle that almost ends badly for you, at that, and you can hear the brats laughing at you in the background as Morgan probably mimics how you just about bit it in the dressing room.

“Remember that when I inevitably try your patience in all of forty-five seconds.” Nat hangs up on you and you feel nothing but pride in the way these sassy children have grown up under your less than skilled thumb. You’ve not been the best parent or even the best role model. It’s funny what unresolved childhood issues and bad habits will do, but damn it you have given it everything you have up to and including your favorite line of ‘do as I say not as I do’.

That is your right as a parent, goddamn it, to use that line and they can pry that right from your cold dead fingers.

They’re all good kids. They’re going to end up heroes in their own right with or without superpowers. That, above all else, is all you want for them so that they’re twice as capable as you’ve ever been in your life. Lab created and thus ‘store bought’ or natural born; it doesn’t matter and it never mattered to begin with.

Heroes are heroes in the end and the world could always use another helping hand as it spins through another chaotic cycle.

Your phone beeps and you glance at the text message.

Black thigh high socks. Get two pair. Amazon sucks for deals rn.\

U r not my fave >:(

You scowl and wish the walls would burn as you unfold the crumpled bills at the register. You don’t need Morgan’s gift of prophecy to know what that text message says and yet, like a fool, you look down at it anyway.

There’s a photo of all five of your grinning children holding up score cards. All of them holding 10s.

All of them dressed in Hawaiian shirts.

You have never felt so betrayed in your whole life.

#my writing #store bought heroes #original fic

[caughtindeadlights]

Chapter 5: Redemption

Summary: Eddie has reached a low point. Richie tries to redeem himself to Eddie. Eddie doesn’t buy it, but Richie is serious.

Word count: 2,104

Author’s note: Hello again! Here’s yet another chapter and this time I didn’t post it later than usual. :D If there were any mistakes, I apologize for them. I felt like posting this chapter as soon as I finished. Anyways, I have nothing else to say except that I feel a lot like Eddie in this chapter lately.

A day has passed since Eddie and Richie fought over what went down on the Losers’ Club’s regular study session. The silence that fell onto the pair was viewed differently. For Eddie, he enjoyed it. And on the plus side, he didn’t have to worry about constantly quieting the ghost. There was, however, one thing he didn’t like the new atmosphere in his apartment. He didn’t like there was anything that could distract him from his work. Admittingly, he enjoyed the occasional distraction from his homework. He definitely needed a break every now and then from his homework or else he would lose his mind. The stress Eddie was in was a little too much for him to handle. Usually, he was good at managing it, but now he wasn’t too sure. he swore he was going to have a breakdown.

“Hey, uh.” Eddie heard Richie spoke. “I don’t know if it’s the right time to approach you, but I just want to see if you’re okay.”

No apology? What a shitty roommate.

“You know, before checking to see if someone’s okay. Maybe you should apologize for fucking up instead.”

Eddie saw Richie flinch a little at his words. He could see Richie was trying at least and that there was venom visible in his words. 

“Look, I know I’m not a very good roommate, but I just want to see how you’re doing. It looks like you’re going through a rough time right now.”

“Oh, am I? I guess you’re the type of roommate that cares when someone is hurting.”

“For fuck’s sake, Eddie! I’m sorry, okay? I thought it would’ve been better if I check on your wellbeing as of now rather than fuss over something I did wrong in the past.” Richie fought back. “I’ve been observing you and realized you haven’t eaten at all today.”

In a way, Richie was right. Eddie should take a step back and rethink for a bit. He should probably go outside and grab a bite with his real friends.

“On second thought, you are right. I should eat something.” Eddie happily admitted with a hint of sarcasm as he started to grab a few things.

“Really?” Eddie could see Richie’s eyes widen in surprise. “Maybe we could-”

Eddie interrupted the ghost saying, “With my friends. I’m going to go outside with friends.”

The smile on Richie’s face left his face as soon as Eddie mentioned his friends. “Ah, I see. Have fun I guess.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Eddie replied dully as he left his apartment with some of his stuff. Richie was yet alone again in the silence.

-----------

Eddie partially lied when he said he was going to meet friends. He actually was planning to go to class first and then meet his friends. What he didn’t expect to come out from his classes was that his professors assigned him more work he had to do. On top of that, he had two tests he had to study for. He wished he could just disappear off the face of the earth for a little bit, but Eddie knew that that wouldn’t be possible for him.

When he made plans to hang out and eat a little with his friends, he learned all of his friends we’re having a great semester. In fact, they had little to do to prepare for midterms. Everybody but him. That was the bad part. Everyone else was having a good time except him. It was hard to smile when his friends talked so fondly of not having to stress out at all while he’s suffering a lot.

But besides that, eating did make him feel a little despite his current situation he's in.

“So Eddie, I know you said you didn’t have a roommate. But the gang and I just want to make sure you don’t have one, right?” Bev said.

“What roommate?” Eddie pretended to not remember what went down last night at the college library.

“He kept mentioning how you have a roommate that’s invisible? Does that ring any bells?”

Eddie decided he was going to kill Stan once he came back with the rest of the club with more food.

“Don’t listen to him,” Eddie says after he took a bite from his pizza. “He must be watching a lot of Ghostbusters because well, it’s October and Halloween is in a few weeks.”

“Okay, if you say so.” Bev accepted his response and took a sip of her soda. “I’m just saying-”

“That if I ever have a roommate, I would let you guys know. Yeah, I got it.” Eddie made a thumbs-up response at the redhead.

A few minutes later, the rest of the Losers’ Club appeared at the table Eddie and Bev were sitting at with their food. Once all of them were situated, he tapped Stan on the shoulder and motioned to follow him. The curly-haired boy was confused at what Eddie was doing, but he followed him anyway.

Once they were far from the rest of the group and in a secluded area, Eddie proceeded to shout at him. “You shouldn’t be telling the rest of the group about my roommate!”

“Oh, so he is real,” Stan said with a hint of surprise.

Eddie ignored Stan’s comment and continued rambling. “Everybody else in our friend group is going to think I’ve gone insane! I want to maintain my reputation as someone that’s not babysitting an undead being.”

As for Eddie, Stan felt that there was nothing harmless about the situation. “Why are you so angry with all of this? At least you got a little buddy with you.”

“First of all, he was the one that kept pulling a bunch of pranks on me.” Eddie held up his index finger at Stan. He proceeded to list more things about the ghost that the brunette didn’t like. “Secondly, he has the language and behavior of a perverted high schooler. And thirdly, he hurt you yesterday.”

“Wow, he did all of that in a few days. You must be in love with him. And do I have to remind you that I was fine? I didn’t die.”

Eddie laughed darkly. “After the stunt he pulled yesterday? No. Look, I don’t want the others to be involved in all of this. And I’m pretty sure my roommate wouldn’t too.”

“Well, how about you go on a date with me for just one day and I’ll shut up about your undead roommate?” Stan suggested.

Eddie thought there was no harm in that offer and ultimately accepted. “Okay, deal. But I can’t go on one at the moment since I’m a little busy with homework.”

“It’s okay. Just call me and I’ll get back to you.”

And with that, the pair went back to their friends and pretended nothing had happened between the two of them.

-----------

When Eddie finally went back to his apartment, he still felt like shit. He was able to resolve his little problem with Stan, but now he had to deal with the huge crapload of homework he had to do. The thing was Eddie wanted so badly to give up and wish his work away. But at the same time, there was a part of him that wanted him to keep going.

He had nothing else better to do anyway, so Eddie decided to work on his math homework. After all, math is essential for his major which is economics. He went to his desk that was located inside his room and got everything he needed to do homework. 10 minutes into doing his math homework and he knew absolutely nothing about how to do the math problems. It was strange to stumble on a math problem for him because usually, he was excellent at math.

He would seek help with his homework, but there were no tutors hanging around at this time of day. Also, it was getting a little late. Eddie groaned and let his head fall onto his desk. Eddie’s desk was starting to resemble more of his mind a lot now. Unorganized and out of place was what his mind looked like if you took a peek inside. During his lamenting, he failed to notice Richie’s slight electric touch on his shoulder.

“Eddie, are you awake?”

The brunette nodded, not wanting to change his position.

“Hey, I’m sorry for what happened earlier. I’m a huge dick. A phantom dick if you will. Now, will you forgive me?”

Richie’s comment made Eddie change his position so sudden and look at him in disgust. “Apology not accepted.”

Eddie smiled a little when he saw Richie’s face turn into confusion. “What?! I thought short apologies are more preferred than those run-on ones.”

“Well, you know nothing about owning up to someone.”

“Can you just cut me some slack, please? For once?” Richie pleaded and pulled his hand away from Eddie’s shoulder. The static he felt when Richie pulled his hand away stung a little. “I haven’t been out in the real world for such a long time. How would you feel if you were alone in a place where you couldn’t do anything and you couldn’t leave at all? Well, I’m sorry for being a shitty roommate, friend, or whatever the hell you see me as to you.”

Eddie could see Richie was going to break. Without thinking, he took his hand and squeezed it. He felt the same static feeling when he held Richie’s hand. The static feeling didn’t hurt him too much. Eddie didn’t know why he did it, but he felt it was what Richie needed.

“Well, that’s kind of gay of you to do that, Eds.” Richie had an expression on his transparent face that Eddie couldn’t decipher. But he shrugged that off.

“Oh, shut up. Don’t ruin the moment.” Eddie moved a little closer to the ghost. It was a little weird to find out that he could actually touch Richie.

“So does this mean my apology is accepted now?” Richie spoke after a long minute of silence that fell between the pair.

“Yeah.” But he had realized he needed someone to confide in. Don’t get him wrong. He was comfortable telling his friends anything, but somehow he didn’t want to burden his friends with the stuff he was going through. He needed someone that didn’t have responsibilities to attend to. He needed someone that was going to be there for him. 

As if Richie was reading his mind (again), he said, “I know something’s on your mind, Eds. You’re not criticizing me the way I act as much.”

“I’ve been stressed lately.” The words felt a little foreign to him when he said them. It was hard to admit them. “It’s the middle of the semester and all my other friends have been having the time of their lives. But for me, I’m stuck here doing a crapload of work.”

“You know, that’s normal. There might have been a time when I was alive where someone lived a better life than me. I was upset they lived a great life and I was stuck alone.” Richie paused to squeeze Eddie’s hand and continued his little speech. “Sometimes it’s okay to feel that way, but that doesn’t stop us from doing our own thing. Whatever’s bringing you down should be heard by everyone that cares a lot about you.”

Eddie was impressed with Richie’s advice. “Wow, that’s pretty insightful.”

Richie decided to take both of Eddie’s hands and hold them. “You can do this, Eds. I believe in you. You made it this far into the semester. I’m sure you’re a smart person.”

The brunette was baffled at Richie’s gesture, but he accepted it. “Thanks, Rich.”

“If you’re comfortable, maybe I can take a peek of what you’re working on?”

“Uh, sure. I doubt you’ll understand it though.” Richie gave some space for Eddie to move around and get what he needed. The brunette gave the ghost the math homework he had been stuck on.

“Woah, this is pretty easy,” Richie said as he examined the paper that was given to him. 

“Wait, what?! I thought you’re a dumbass.”

“I may act like a dumbass, but that doesn’t mean I’m that dumb.” Richie rebutted. “Besides, let me show you how it’s done.” And Richie did just that. He helped Eddie with his math homework and Eddie was now able to understand what to do.

Eddie thought he knew Richie well, but maybe he was wrong about him. Maybe there was more to him than he thought. It sounded promising to give the ghost another chance after all.

#reddie #reddie fanfiction #reddie fanfic #reddie writing #eddie kaspbrak #richie tozier #richie x eddie #eddie x richie #it #it 2019 #it fanfiction #my writing #writeblr #fanfiction #byahh

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

flogan enemies to lovers college roommates au tho

I am so sorry that it’s taken me so long to get to this prompt, nonny! I was very excited to tackle it. Mwahaha. Have some stupid pining idiots below the cut, this time in college together!

Not everyone got along well with their college roommate, it was true. That was why, hopefully, you only had to put up with them for a year, or even just one semester depending on how much you bribed the student housing office. But few roommates had clashed so instantly and spectacularly as Wyatt Logan and Garcia Flynn.

Wyatt was from a relatively small town in Texas, and was only in college to follow his girlfriend, Jess, who wanted to be an investigative reporter. He was white, cocky, and thought James Bond was the height of cinema. Flynn was an international student from the newly-formed Croatia, had already fought in a war, and possessed the opinion that if men learned to shut up every once in a while, the world would probably benefit.

The fact that both he and Wyatt had been forced to grow up too early, too soon, had both had complicated relationships with fathers who were now dead, and both were World War II nerds (Flynn because of his father, Wyatt because of Ian Fleming) didn’t seem to matter to them. The entire dorm knew when Wyatt and Flynn were at hammer and tongs, because Wyatt and Flynn both lacked volume control.

“Would it fucking kill you to clean up your shit!? When was the last time you did laundry!?”

“It’s all on my side of the room, dipshit, so I don’t see why you’re complaining.”

“If you blast your fucking country music while I’m trying to study, I will ram this book on the history of the Bolshevik Wars down your throat.”

“That’s pretty fucking rich coming from the guy who practices his debate points out loud at two in the goddamn morning...”

On, and on, and on. The freshman RA had been asked several times to try and intervene, but Flynn was 6′4″ and looked like he murdered people in his spare time as a stress-reliever before exams, so it was rather hard to talk to him about anything. Wyatt, meanwhile, would just go bright red and mutter that it wasn’t his fault, he didn’t start this, so really, it was a lost cause to try and intervene.

Then Jess broke up with Wyatt over Thanksgiving break, and things got really bad.

“Are you ever going to get out of bed?” Flynn mused. “Or are you going to lie there until you slowly die?”

“Like you’d care,” Wyatt huffed back. So what if he’d been in bed for the last three days?

Jess was all he had. The only good thing about his hometown, and his only friend here at college. He’d come here for her, and she’d had the audacity to break up with him!?

“I’ll care when your corpse starts to stink,” Flynn noted.

Wyatt didn’t even bother to flip him off. Flynn was a pain in his fucking ass but at least, he supposed, Flynn paid attention to him. Texas A&M was big, and it was easy to get lost in the crowd. He wasn’t sure his professors would even notice if he didn’t show up for class.

He did end up staying in bed for three days. Not that it was a big deal. The post-Thanksgiving classes were a joke, anyway. Everyone was too busy cramming for exams before winter break.

...winter break, where he now had nowhere to go. He’d been planning to go home to Jess’s house with her, but... yeah. He’d probably just stay on campus. Great.

On the third day, he was woken up by Flynn dumping a box on his chest. “What the fuck!?”

“Eat,” Flynn growled, and then he walked back out of the room.

Wyatt examined the box. It was a takeout box from the campus dining hall, and the food did smell good...

Ugh, fine, okay. He’d eat it.

Flynn returned about five hours later, dumped another box on his lap, took away the first one, and then did homework silently. Wyatt glared at Flynn’s back, but if Flynn noticed, he didn’t say anything.

This process was repeated the next day, only with the addition of a bottle of water.

Wyatt watched, suspicious, as Flynn worked on his essay. “Are you fattening me up for slaughter?”

“Nonsense, you know I stick to a strict diet of children,” Flynn replied.

Wyatt told himself the sarcasm wasn’t funny.

Sometime that night, Wyatt woke up to find Flynn still working at his desk. That wasn’t unusual, but Wyatt could’ve sworn the book that Flynn was using as a reference was a biology book, and Flynn wasn’t taking biology. Wyatt was, as one of his mandatory science credits.

He rolled over and went back to sleep.

On the fifth day of this, Wyatt woke up because Flynn was dragging him out of bed by the ankles. “What the fuck!?”

“You stink,” Flynn replied, letting go of Wyatt’s ankles only to grab him by the wrist and haul him to his feet. “You’re taking a shower.”

“I am doing jack shit--hey!” Wyatt yelped as Flynn proceeded to hook his arms under Wyatt’s and then bodily haul him down the hallway, then throw him into the bathroom. Shampoo, conditioner, and soap were tossed in after him.

Wyatt noted that these were not his shampoo, conditioner, and soap. He actually didn’t know where those were. He took a shower, since he suspected marching back into his room to yell at Flynn would only result in Flynn hauling him back into the shower, and the guy was really fucking strong, so. Path of least resistance and all that.

He smelled like Flynn when he got out of the shower, which he told himself was not a good thing, even though it did something weird to his stomach. The odd behavior didn’t stop there, either--when he got back, he saw that his bed had been stripped down and his side of the room had been cleaned up.

“Where’s my stuff?” he asked, squinting at Flynn, who was reading a book on the golden age of piracy and looking far too pleased with himself.

“Put away, where it’s supposed to be. Your bedsheets are in the laundry.”

Wyatt’s face heated up. “I didn’t ask for your help, you know.”

“Yeah, no shit, Sherlock.” Flynn’s accent got a little thicker when he was pissed, and Wyatt would die before admitting he liked it. Flynn snapped his book shut. “Whether you asked for it or not, genius, you needed it.”

“Oh, I needed it. Right. Like a guy can’t take a few days off.”

“You weren’t eating, you weren’t showering, you were lying in bed.” Flynn’s voice had a dangerous edge to it, one that Wyatt had never heard before. “That’s not taking a few days off, Wyatt, that’s depression.”

“I’m not depressed.”

“If it honks like a duck and walks like a duck and...”

“Is that some kind of Croatian saying?”

“Oh, fuck you.” Flynn stood up, tossing the book aside. “Excuse me for trying to save your fucking life.”

“Maybe I didn’t want my life saved!” Wyatt snapped back, and oh, oh that was a little more real than he’d meant it to be.

Flynn didn’t look away, just kept those intense eyes on him, Flynn was always so intense and Wyatt could never really handle it, he always had to look away, except this time he couldn’t.

“My mom got like that,” Flynn said at last. “After my dad died. I... I didn’t know how to handle it. His death, or her. So I did something... stupid, I lied about my age and I signed up for the war.”

He huffed out a sardonic chuckle. “That snapped her out of it, all right. But not the way I’d hoped. I always told myself if I got another chance, I’d do better. I’d help the person the right way.”

Wyatt felt something inside of him crack open, like someone was finally looking at him and understood. “I don’t have anyone,” he admitted. “Other than Jess. I don’t... I’ve got no one. No plan. Nothing I want. Nothing I care about.”

“We’ll find you something,” Flynn said.

“Yeah, sure.” Wyatt snorted.

“We will,” Flynn repeated, and he sounded so annoyingly decided about it, that Wyatt kind of believed him.

They didn’t really talk further about... all that, not until a week later when they were both on the tail end of an all-nighter. Flynn had, as Wyatt suspected, been doing Wyatt’s homework for him while Wyatt was down for the count, but Flynn had taken pains to hide it so Wyatt didn’t thank him. He suspected Flynn didn’t want to be thanked.

That night, though, he was a bit buzzed from the caffeine and lack of sleep, and there’d been a thought annoying him at the back of his brain for a while. “Y’know something that’s... it shouldn’t annoy me but it does?”

“Hmm?” Flynn replied. They were sitting on Flynn’s bed, Flynn opposite him, their legs stretched out so that Wyatt’s feet were kind of in Flynn’s lap and vice versa. Flynn put down his book and made a go on gesture.

“Jess said a lot of shit, and I’m starting to think she was right.” Wyatt put his notebook and pencil aside. “Yeah, I thought about myself and not her, I never listened, I’ve got some shit to work out, but...” This was so fucking embarrassing. “She said I was bad in bed, and for some fucking reason that’s what I keep focusing on.”

Flynn stared at him. “That’s what...”

“Yeah, I know it’s stupid, you don’t have to tell me.”

Flynn cocked his head a little, and did that thing when he was thinking where he’d run his tongue over his bottom lip. It made Wyatt feel oddly hot and achey when Flynn did that. “I think I know why.”

“Oh, great, what, were you spying on us or something...”

“No, moron, I just know you.”

“Fine, then what’s the problem? If you’re such an expert on me.” Wyatt felt like he was stepping out onto thin ice and daring Flynn to do it with him, trying to get them both to plunge into icy water.

Flynn opened his mouth, paused, then said, “Kiss me.”

Wyatt could feel his eyes going wide. “What!?” It came out strangled, and there was no explanation for the way his stomach swooped.

Flynn rolled his eyes. “It’s better if I just show you, okay? C’mon, prove Jess wrong.”

“But...” I’m not gay.

The thought of kissing Flynn, though, had him hot all over, just like when he’d thought about kissing Jess. He’d been horny and fidgety all day when he’d taken a shower with Flynn’s stuff and smelled like him, smelled Flynn on him all day, and that... that wasn’t how you were about guys you didn’t...

“Nobody knows about this, okay?” Wyatt huffed, obligingly crawling across the bed. “Or you’re dead.”

“You think I want everyone knowing about this?” Flynn snapped back. “God made you all pretty and no brains, fucking hell.”

You think I’m pretty? Wyatt thought, but like fuck was he gonna say that out loud, so he just kissed Flynn before he could dig himself an even bigger hole.

Flynn almost immediately made a knowing, displeased noise, and slid his hand around the back of Wyatt’s head to fist in his hair. “Yeah, that’s what I thought,” he said, and Wyatt was about to demand what the hell that meant, except Flynn kissed him again. And this time, Flynn was in control.

Wyatt found himself pushed back until he was flat on his back on the bed, grabbing onto Flynn’s shoulders to keep himself steady as Flynn sealed his mouth over Wyatt’s. Jesus Christ, he’d always kind of assumed that Flynn had never done anything since Flynn’s schedule consisted of class, homework, and annoying Wyatt, but at some point Flynn had obviously gotten some action because the man knew what the fuck he was doing.

The odd thing was, Wyatt... liked this. Not just kissing Flynn, although that was, um, a hell of a something, but the fact that Flynn was the one calling the shots. He coaxed Wyatt into whatever it was he wanted Wyatt to do, he chose when to pull away and to plunge back in, and he forcibly held Wyatt in place when he decided to kiss along Wyatt’s neck and jaw instead, forcing Wyatt to shake and whine because it felt so fucking good and he couldn’t do anything about it.

“See,” Flynn rumbled at last, when Wyatt was a wreck and felt like his brain was leaking out his ears. “You keep trying to be in control and just do whatever you want. And it doesn’t sit right, does it? You like it better when the other person’s the one in charge.”

Every inhale felt like fire in his lungs. Wyatt just nodded dumbly, words kind of out of the question.

“Feels like you’re in charge because that’s how it’s supposed to be, right?” Flynn went on. He shifted slightly and Wyatt could feel the weight of him and he nearly lost his entire mind. “Not because that’s actually how you want it to be. If you’d let Jess be in charge, more, I bet you both would’ve liked it better. You can’t do something properly if you’re not really enjoying it.”

Wyatt had to admit, showing him had been the better option. If Flynn had said all this before the making out, Wyatt would’ve gotten angry and refused to listen to him.

Flynn started to pull away, which dragged his body against Wyatt’s, and Wyatt whimpered helplessly. A voice that sounded very much like his dad’s was screaming at him that this was disgusting, wrong, perverted, but at the same time it felt so good, Flynn felt good, and Wyatt didn’t want Flynn to stop.

Besides, he was safe with Flynn. Flynn took care of him.

“You should show me other stuff,” Wyatt blurted out, before he lost his courage. “Y’know, I mean, only if you really want.”

Flynn’s eyes bore into him, hot and searching, and for the first time Wyatt wasn’t afraid to stare right back, match Flynn’s gaze.

After an agonizing moment, Flynn moved forward again, putting all of his weight down on Wyatt this time, settling between Wyatt’s legs, and oh fuck, Wyatt could feel Flynn, hard and hot, up against where Wyatt himself was pretty damn compromised.

“If I really want,” Flynn echoed, sarcasm lacing his voice.

Wyatt nodded. He got daring, spreading his legs a little farther, arching up a bit.

Flynn’s eyes looked black.

Flynn kissed him again, and this time, they didn’t come up for air.

The rest of the dorm still got to know when Wyatt and Flynn were at it, just for an entirely different reason. Because Wyatt still lacked volume control.

#mads answers things #mads writes stuff #timeless #timeless fanfic #flogan #flogan fanfic #li'l ficlet

[thoughtsandthecity]

Your daily nightmare

I haven’t upload a post for a week and a half. The previous days were taugh for me.  I am talking about the mean reds that Audrey Hepburn talked about in her movie called Breakfast at Tiffany’s which I highly recomend by the way. Attention, we are not talking about the blues. Allow me to use her words to explain. <<The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of>>.

One of those days, my teacher who had been fighting against blood cancer passed away. All the student’s and teachers went to the funeral. We heard really beautiful words of his people and we all said our last goodbye. While I was there listenning to all those speaches about him, I wondered, Did they ever tell him all those nice things about his personality and how amazing he was? Some tears later, I went to eat greasy chineese food. It sounds so disrespecting I know. What’s going to sound more disrespecting is that I actually had fun. As soon as I went home I couldn’t stop thinking about his death and crying. I realised I had went through the ‘’I can’t accept it’’ stage. But now tears were all over my face and I couldn’t stop thinking about my worse nightmare. Death. People tend to hate it because we are scared of what it causes. It takes away our ability to think, talk, see other people we love, listen to music we enjoy, taste flavours again, simple stuff. Or is it not? See? We know nothing about it and that’s the scariest part of it all, its a trip we have to go through alone and we, human beings, hate to be alone in scary things. Its just human nature. What about the people we loose? Are we ever going to overcome this loss? To get over the pain of not being able to talk again to that person? Listen to their laugh, feel the warmth of their hug? The answer is no. We are made up with the ability of memories, we are made up to not be able to forget. We fall in love with life and other people no matter how hard it gets. This person looked so strong to me, he had power and indeed he was a weird but intresting personality. Seeing him so small made me sad, we are really nothing, thats what I kept thinking.

On top of this, I started second guessing my choices about my studyies and the future I am going after so hardly! Things are getting harder as time is passing by and I feel like I’m trapped in a symphony I really was not sure if I wanted to sign for. Classes are getting tougher and reality starts kicking me hard. The thing is I can’t really complain about it there are other kids who are going through it too. Last year of high school is hard year for us all. A year full of fear, doubt, pain, and tiredness. It’s really sad if you think it through because we are being told that those years are assumed to be the best of our lives. So why are we wasting them all in tears, pain, fear and negative feelings about ourselves? Should’t we be out and about exploring the world, making friends, getting drunk, smoking, making music, writting or reading books we love? Anything that makes anyone happy? Shouldn’t we be free? I read a quote saying that we are not tired as we say. We are mentally tired of people coming and go, constantly trying and never succeding, having the same day on and on, being in the same place e.t.c We are mentally tired but we are so young for this. Not even older people should be mentally tired! He never was, he was always young, proud and bold. Some say it’s the electronics, the music we listen, the change of our values. Sure those really influenced my generation. But that doesn’t mean it’s a bad generation.  We are wild ones, people with dreams, plans, goals, believes, our own values no matter how ugly they might look to you.

 I’ve seen many of teens like me losing their faith, their way. What a mess. Do we need to change? Sure. But we don’t know how. Everybody is scared to be kind, gentle and happy because we are used in misery and pure hapiness or good energy are way too unknown to us. I made an experiment. I shouldn’t talk bad for anyone and I shouldn’t mention negative situations to anyone I was talking too. I found it hard, the second day I had given up. Maybe it’s just how we are made. We are beings with a brain that is constantly working. We are processing through things too hard and that’s the problem. We are creating the problem most of the times. And all this mess is something we have to face daily.

 Am I enough? Are they wrong or am I? Am I wasting my time? Is that friend really my friend? Why doesn’t anyone really seems to like me? Why can’t I be like them? Will I ever be accepted for who I am? Why am I so alone? Am I not that smart? Did I gain weight? Does she looks better than me ?  Why did I broke up with that guy? Am I going to date again? Why we never talked again with that person? Am I that bad? Am I such a weirdo? Are they talking behind my back?

I know if  you are my age or close you can relate. Older like to blame it on the puberty. No it’s not really coming from it. It’s life. It’s us realising things, the change, the fear. The thing that we have to leave our childhood behind and  face reality. It’s the natural way of life right? No I’ve talked about normality in an other post of mine. There’s no such thing. It’s the pressure of life. Are we gonna make it till the end, and even if we do, how do you know it was enough? How do you know you you made it? How do you know if the people you met were the right ones? Maybe you could have met better or worse. Untill now I got to my conclusion. Does it matter in the end ? Does it matter if you gained weight? If you lost time trying to get what you want? Does it matter if that boy/girl never saw your value? Does it really matter if you fail? If you don’t pass a test? If someone is better than you? NO IT DOESN NOT. Because in the end all it really matters is, did you managed to live? To fall in love with life? He did, he did so truly. He was the lover. Full of energy, goals, power, believes, passion. I remember him sayin ‘’ When I’ll die, I will be full of life, Because ive lived it to the fullest, every pain , every hapiness, every love I had,will you? Your generation is always stressed. But really, what are you going after so hard that makes you so sad?’’  Nobody ever could answer.

 We don’t really know what we are sad about. We don’t know why we are so stressed about. We are always sad and stressed about something. Our shoulders and back always hurt. Are we that tired caring around sadness and negativity? Aren’t they way too heavy? Maybe he is right. We should stop stressing so much and let ourselves live. It’s not a button I know. But we can turn it into one. It’s all really in the way we are accepting and processing things through. In every situation we can choose to look on the bright side. Your energy is important and so is your time, do whatever you want with it. Make mistakes, its a part of life, take your time to feel sad about it, if you don’t go through it, you ain’t getting out of it. Maybe you will never will, who told you that you should? As I mentioned we are beings with a brain full of the ability to think and think and think. Stay vulnerable, true to yourself. There are things that we went trhough and shaped us, we all have demons, secrets, fears, dreams, passions. 

 Should we predent everything is ok? God no. all im saying is that might it’s worth it to try an other way of living, realise things, turn our frustration, anger , sadness into something better. We have the power of the brain, we shouldn’t take over for a long time. You can stress as much as you want, cry as much as you can but in the end, when you are going to leave this life behind you, are you going to be full? Are you going to be like him, cause I want to feel full, I want to feel like I was never missing out of my life, I wanna die young just like he did.

 Take breaks, make decisions but always keep something in mind. Live every moment as intensly as you can. Even sadness. Can we make it? Can we try? We really should because in the end nothing really matters but love, moments you were there, memories, life and not our problems or our stress, neither our failures, our fights... Dance through your stress pain, drink through it, write about it, even talk about it if that’s what you want. You gotta keep believing, learn to listen to your body and heart. When you are procrastinating and not doing homework it might be because your mind is tired of homework take that day off, come back stronger tomorrow it doesn’t matter! If you felt mentally fed up, go to the nature, go party in a club for no reason, go traveling and meet new people, go start that blog or that hobby you want so much. Life is not about finding yourself you never lost it, you are creatting that bitch yourself and I wish us the best.

Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about.”

― Marilyn Monroe

Untill next time,

Xoxo 

#life #quotes #stress #teens #thoughts #late night thoughts #2 am posts #2am #nightmare #pain #mental help #long reads #positivity #personal shit #writterscommunity #writing #death #school

[ladyloveandjustice]

I picked up Howl’s Moving Castle at the  used bookstore and as expected it is wildly different from the movie version, though I don’t think the book as is would have made a very coherent movie due to having ten million subplots, so it was probably for the best Miyazaki did his own thing. But I did enjoy the book a lot and here are some elements I found most interesting/amusing.Probably a million people have done these kinds of posts but GUESS WHAT HERE’S ONE FROM ME

-Movie Sophie is kinda outspoken and snarky but she’s got nothing on Book Sophie who is cutthroat as hell with her snark. She’s delivering a sick burn like, every other page. It’s amazing. And her thoughts are pretty friggin’ vicious, it’s like, yes I’ve had thoughts that vicious and I think almost everyone has but it’s unusual to see a character in a book actually express them! There’s one point where she’s really annoyed about this lady asking where her boyfriend who went missing is at really aggressively, so she thinks “maybe I should just go grab that skull over there, wave it in her face and tell her its her boyfriend and he’s dead. ...Nah, it’s too far away. Also that would be unkind.” YEAH SOPHIE JUST A LITTLE. I like how “that would be pretty mean” is just secondary to “ugh and i’d have to get up to go get it”, relatable.

-there’s this whole subplot where Howl is like, actually from our modern world and crossed dimension to Sophie’s world. His name is actually Howell Jenkins (which he hates, of course. PENDRAGON IS SO MUCH COOLER) and his sister thinks he’s a bum. There’s this really convoluted bit where a spell gets mixed up with his nephew’s english homework (I HONESTLY DIDN’T REALLY GET IT I PROBABLY READ TOO FAST) so he and the gang go to see his fam.

and his nephew and his friend are there playing video games and he just walks over and pulls the plug (it took reading it a few times to realize that’s what he did, because Sophie doesn’t know wtf a console/computer is and describes it “as a box with roots that lead to the wall” and says Howl “pulled the roots out”) and the nephew’s like “oh great it’s my shitty uncle hey how dare you” “what haven’t you played this one before” “yeah but like, i don’t have a newer one, I only get them at Christmas” “well look i’ll get you one if you tell me some stuff here” “omg really!!! sure!!!!”

 It’s just...surreal like you think you’re simply in this fantasy world then it’s like NOPE HOWL'S FROM WALES HE HOPS OVER THERE AND GETS HIS NEPHEW VIDEO GAMES WITH MAGIC SOMETIMES.

-it turns out the English homework was poem by John Donne and Howl just goes “JOHN DONNE” in this agonized voice when he finds out. I feel you Howl.

- his sister is so mean to him Sophie’s like “jeez no wonder he left this world” but then later when he whines that Sophie’s reminding him of his sister with how mean she’s being she’s like “WELL I’M STARTING TO THINK YOUR SISTER IS LIKE THAT BECAUSE SHE HAD TO PUT UP WITH YOU GROWING UP GOD I CAN’T IMAGINE.” Sophie shows No Mercy.

-Sophie meets with Howl’s magic teacher while pretending to be his Mom and she informs her she’s been a powerful witch subconsciously doing magic this whole time and Sophie just shrugs like yeah that makes sense, its the chillest ‘realize you’re magic” scene ever.

-the Witch of the Waste is not remotely redeemable here, she casually MURDERS howl’s magic mentor lady off screen and just meets Sophie on the street saying “lol guess what I just got back from doing”.Howl kills her later and like, justified, honestly.

-Howl’s pretty clearly deeply genuinely heartbroken about his mentor’s death, which you can tell because he DOESN’T make a big production of it like he does everything else, but surprisingly there’s like no moment of bonding where Sophie talks to him about grief or whatever, nope, business as usual. He turns into a dog to go to her funeral even though the Witch is after him and its super dangerous, but puts on this fancy black suit first and Sophie’s like “do you really need the suit if you’re just going to be a dog” “Y E S.”

-At one point Howl gets a cold and is super dramatic about it of course and Sophie is just super done and snarks at him to deal with it. Then later she’s like “hey are you goin’ out in the rain with that cold” and he’s like “YEAH I’LL PROBABLY DIE. THEN YOU’LL BE SORRY”. “ok have fun then.” “BURY ME NEXT TO MY DEAR TEACHER”. “kay, will do”. Legendary.

- Howl goes around getting girls to fall in love with him and then dumping them the second they do, and there’s this whole subplot where Sophie’s worried he’s gonna break her sister’s heart and is like “oh god gotta warn my sister about this fucker” but then it turns out her sister (who’s a witch in her own right) never fell for Howl’s bullshit for a second and was just using him to get info on Sophie because she was worried about her, it’s pretty great.

-seriously there are so many subplots there’s even a subplot with Sophie’s OTHER sister and Micheal (who’s 15 in the book) having a romance and there’s a thing with this dog guy too like...there are so many things, probably too many.

-Sophie gets SO PISSED when she finds out everyone basically knew about her curse (Howl and Micheal are like “uh was it supposed to be a secret??”) she almost murders Howl with magical weedkiller

-at the end, another fire demon attacks and tries to get Howl’s heart and he sorta-dies and Sophie just clobbers it with her cane and then enchants her cane to beat the shit out of it. After Sophie gets his heart from Calcifer and shoves it back in he’s like “wow ouch do I have a hangover?” and she’s like “ugh no you were dead now shut up and kill the demon”. I can see why the movie ended more romantically, but honestly, would have loved to see Sophie just go to town with her cane, much preferred climax.  

-in the back there’s a q and a with Diana Wynne Jones, and she’s like “yeah a lot of women who read this book tell me they want to marry Howl and that really confuses me. He’s take so long in the bathroom every morning. you’d never get to use it.” and it’s hilarious that’s like, the dealbreaker for her. 

Anyway, yeah it was a fun book! 

#howl's moving castle

[afterspark-podcast]

Transformers (2007): Transcript

Episode Show Notes

[This can also be found on AO3!]

[Stinger]

O: And now I'm just imagining him showing up at this little old grandma's house, ripping up the house and being like, “HOW DARE YOU!?!”

[Intro Music]

S: Welcome... to hell!

O: It’s time.  It’s time for the Bay movies guys.

S: [sharp intake of breath] Welcome to our first anniversary special with the 2007 Transformers film!

O: Shall we talk about giant robots? [dissolves into laughter]

S: Yeah.  Let's talk about giant robots, though we may be very unhappy by the end of this.

O: So first, an info dump, for what is most likely a refresher for the majority of you folks but a- the live-action Transformers movie was directed by [deadpan] Michael Bay and uh, starring Shia LaBeouf.

S: The movie did incredibly well at the box office and introduced a lot of people to the franchise and um, these people may have been unaware of it [the Transformers franchise] before or hadn't seen a prior but it was an introduction at least for most.

O: Which is probably the most positive thing that we can say about this movie.  The movie franchise is likely the main reason we got the Transformers Prime TV series and even brought more readers to the first IDW comic run.  Which maybe wasn't super great at the time the movie came out, but got way better! [laughs]

S: Yeah, I mean, IDW also had comics based on the movie, in addition to the main IDW G1-

O: And I haven’t read those yet, but yeah.

S: I don't think we've made our disdain for this movie a secret but just in case, neither of us enjoy this movie.

O: Like, at all.

S: So if you personally like this movie this episode may not be for you.  Um, we're sorry guys.

O: [laughs] We are, actually, because I- I know there are people out there who like it.  We're not those people, but we will be back for a normal G1 schtick later, so uh, please join us then.

S: That isn't to say that there hasn't been excellent fanfiction based off of this.

O: Eh, fanfiction, fanart-

S: Um-hm.

O: Oh my god, there- there was this one I saw the other day where somebody did like, a Transformers Animated of ah, Last Knight Megatron-

S: Oh!

O: -and I was like, “I legitimately like that!  Good job, you!”

S: There’s some excellent fan work based on these movies.

O: Yeah, like, just hands down, but um...  Well, down to brass tacks Specs, what was your first experience with this movie like?

S: Hmm, ah, well let's go back in time, shall we?

O: [makes woo noises]

S: So I didn't see it in theaters.  Ah, my first experience with this movie was getting it for my birthday... yay.

B: [laughter]

O: Yay.

S: I watched it and um, and was like, “Okay... that was a thing.  It exists, um, Bumblebee peed on a guy.” And I watched this with my parents, I'll have you know!

O: And it- it's way funnier when you know her parents, who are extremely Catholic and her mother who is extremely Irish Catholic and imagining them watching this movie with her is hysterical .

S: My mom doesn't like sci-fi to begin with-

O: Yeah, right!  And then, all of this was happening!

S: Yeah, my- my dad probably enjoyed it more because he likes explosions and stuff.

O: [laughs] He's a nice guy but he is- he- he, he's a simple man.  He has simple criteria for the things he enjoys and I can respect that.

S: He actually really likes Terry Pratchett but let’s-

O: Oh, yes.

S: -let's get back to this.  Uh, I don't think I uh, rewatched it for a while because uh, high school was happening and I had better things to be doing.  You know, like reading fanfic or doing homework. Homework was more enjoyable than this.

O: [laughs]

S: [sighs] So I found the movie mostly just disappointing.  While it did breathe new life into the fandom it seemed like most of the pre-existing fans that I- you know, knew or followed or was aware of, were disappointed by the designs and the story on like- specifically on the forum that I was frequenting at the time.  Other people loved it and I mean, it did create a new influx of fans, so... that's a positive thing.

I was also super annoyed by the lack of Arcee because there was a decent toy of her and I own it.  It's the only Bayverse toy I own, and then they had Arcee and two other characters that shared the same mold show up in the second movie and then die.

O: And- and these were not the same mold as the toy she [Specs] owns.

S:  Yes.

O: To make this even weirder, like, Arcee did have a design apparently [in the first movie].

S: Yes, she was a nice motorcycle.  She had legs in the first- for the first movie toy and then… then she was a unicycle thing-

O: Mm-hmm.

S: -in the second movie and then they all died.  And I don't own any other toys from ah- from the Bayverse franchise, so let's go over to you.

O: Eh-heh-heh-ha!  So, to my memory I first saw this in high school.  I want to say it may have actually been something they showed at school?  [My SO seems to remember the same thing, so this was probably the case. ~O]

And in direct contrast to Specs, I went to public school in a rural area, no one gave a shit, so...  I- I saw the second one in theaters, but I legitimately do not remember where I saw the first one. Uh, for the record, I thought it was fine!  I had zero reference, beyond a foggy memory of Beast Machines- not even Beast Wars guys, Beast Machines.  And hadn't seen G1 at all.  I very vaguely knew who Optimus Prime was and pretty much nobody else.

No, it would take over a decade before this film franchise filled me with seething rage.

S: And you didn't even get into the fandom, when I tried interesting you in it.  You got into it by yourself!

O: [laughs] I know!  She tried! She tried in college! [laughs] Which is why, I was like, “Hey, I want to watch Beast Wars!” It was like, not looking where I was going and walking off a cliff!  [laughs]

S: Pretty much, and then I just threw TV shows at you.

O: She just like, thew DVD’s down the cliff at me! [continues laughing]

S: And comics.

O: Which I mean...I didn’t really mind...but I love that description so much.

S: [laughs]

O: But, uh, all of this aside, I will be saying my media recommendation for the day here, instead of at the end.  I strongly recommend watching Lindsey Ellis’, “The Whole Plate.” Which is a series about film studies through the lens of Transformers.  Not only is excellent breaking these movies down in the context of film, and film theory, but it's informative and done by someone else who clearly loves Transformers.

Pretty sure her favorite is Starscream, but I also think I saw a Wheeljack in the background of one of her videos, but do not quote me on that.  Uh, it is at least partially due to Lindsey I started watching G1. Uh, the other YouTube culprit I'll likely recommend in a different video, heh, but needless to say she certainly didn't hurt.  I'd been watching her, “Whole Plate,” series since 2017 so... over a year before I made that so fateful decision to borrow Beast Wars.

This recommendation also comes caveat: Because I've watched her videos, I know I've been heavily influenced by them and... it is likely I will talk about some of the same points that she's made... while we're going through this movie.  So just, if- eh, this is me so this is me, um, cite--this is me giving you my citation for ah, my work, essentially.

Go watch Lindsey Ellis’ videos, they're fantastic.

S: And I suppose to counterpoint, I haven't seen any of her videos.  So anything that I talk about that ends up accidentally being something that comes up in here is an accident.

O: The only- I think I showed you the- the Megan Fox video.

S: You might have, but at this point it's been so long ago that-

O: [quietly]  That’s true..

S: -that I probably don't remember, or almost certainly don’t.

O: Fair!  Anyway, definitely go- go, uh, watch her, because she's interesting.  I-I feel like there’s- I’ve seen posts that like, seem like at least some people don't like her.  So, I don't know what's going on there and I don't really want to find out. So if it’s not your thing, it’s not your thing and that's fine.    Well! Ready for the movie?

S: Say it isn't so, but yes, yes I am.

O: [laughs] Here we go!

S: [sighs]  We open with some opening narration by Optimus Prime played by Peter Cullen of the da--

O: -of Optimus Prime? [laughs]

S: Well, I was gonna say, “of the days of old.”

O: [laughs louder]  Okay, fair! And I don't- I don’t care if he mostly in a cartoon voice over work, he is too good for this fucking movie!

S: He is.  He gives us the backstory for Cybertron and the Autobot/Decepticon war and I think, you see someone spearing someone else with something in this…

O: It wouldn’t shock me.  Something called the AllSpark is super important and they send it off planet to keep the Decepticons from getting it.

S: The Autobots couldn’t keep track of it either.  They did not think this through.

O: Of course, it landed on an unknown planet, Eii-arth!

S: [snickers] Megatron apparently followed the AllSpark but pulled a Skyfire and got frozen in the Arctic, where he was found by a team of explorers led by Captain Archibald Witwicky.  Doesn't that just sound like a manly man.

O: [laughing]  He is!

S: The part of Skyfire will be played by Megatron in this movie.

O: Make sure to properly chill your Decepticon warlord for at least a couple of decades before serving.

S: Don't you mean a couple thousand years?

O: Shush!

B: [laugh]

S: Meanwhile, Skyfire’s sir not appearing in this picture.

O: Also, don't be fooled by the opening guys!  Sure, Optimus may be talking now but it won't last.  It'll be like, what? An hour before we get any more giant robots talking?

S: Probably.  We cut to the Middle East in the um, ‘present’ day.

O: Well, present day ten years ago anyway.

S: It's soldiers doing transportation stuff on a military base... and a guy wants to eat alligators.

O: Fuck yeah, America- am I right!?!

S: It’s cuisine.  The military partially funded these movies if anybody was unaware this really helps explain their presence in the movie series.

O: That and Bay's HUGE fuckin’ boner for ‘em.

S: The soldiers here are some of the better characters in the movie.  They're funny, they work well off each other, and you know, [gasp] feel like they’re friends.

O: What a concept.  An unknown helicopter lands at the base, transforming into a giant robot and starting to destroy said base.

S: The Decepticons apparently want US military codes or they're trying to find the AllSpark location, or something.

O: I can't help but think of Soundwave was here this would have been done so much more competently.  Even Soundwave- even movie Soundwave is still competent.

S: Oh, probably.  Uh, the Decepticon is Blackout by the way, who- I'm not sure we ever see or hear him talk?

O:  Yeah, like, we might hear him talk in Cybertronian at the very end of the movie like, when it's like, doing the all the Decepticons gettin’ ready.

S: Hmm.

O: Um…

S: Maybe.

O: He never really is a character, um, but I hope you're ready for shaky cam video of this robot and not getting a good look at him!

S: Oh!  Flying tanks, how novel.

O: [laughs] They fail to fight off the Decepticon and a small group of soldiers manages to escape the base, but not without being followed by Scorpinok.

S: Who is released by, um, Blackout cuz apparently he's his pet or something-

O: Something like that.  The only thing you need to remember about this is that the main soldier is Lennox, and he is leading the group.  The other characters have names. I had to look them up.

S: Yeah, they aren’t very big characters, unfortunately.  It would have been more entertaining if-

B: -they were.

S: [sighs] And then suddenly we're at a high school.

O: Following a teenage boy who's gonna try to hawk his great-great-great-something-grandfather’s shit in the middle of class.

S: [sighs] Why is he hawking shit?  Because he wants to seduce the hottie by getting a car, either that, or that is merely a side effect of getting a car that he hopes will happen.

O: Mikaela is way too good for him.

S: She is.

O: He blabs on about how his something-grandfather, Captain Archibald Witwicky was the first man to explore the Arctic.

S: Never mind that there were already people living there.

O: He was the first white idiot to make it up there and not die?

S: Possibly.

O: [laughs]

S: We're introduced to the glasses of plot here.  They're not particularly relevant right now, but they will be later!

O:  Notice those weird etchings on the lenses?  That's- that's a thing!

S: Keep these in mind.  Put a pin in it. But right now, Sam is talking about selling his stuff on eBay.

O: ~ Ladies~ he takes Paypal. [laughs]

S: The bell rings and the rest of the class leaves as Sam talks to his teacher.  Proceeding to be a total freaking dumb ass by guilting his teacher into giving him a better grade than he deserved, because otherwise his dad won't help him buy a car.

O: And remember, this is supposed to be the character we’re identifying with.  Thanks! I hate it.

S: [sighs] You know, and after meeting Sam's dad, his behavior makes a lot more sense.  Clearly he gets dickish behavior from said dad.

O: His dad drives him through a Porsche dealer to make him think he's buying Sam a Porsche, which just kind of seems like a dick move.  They proceed to show up at a used-car lot with, uh, Sam spying a mysterious Camaro, which is Bee in this.

S: Like, Bumblebee was actually following them into the car lot which is kind of funny-

O: Yeah, but- but they didn't really see him until he parked in the car lot.

S: Yeah, I guess uh, they had to make him cooler for the 2000’s.

O: You know, I always liked the little Volkswagon bugs when I was in high school around this timeframe.  I still do, they're adorable!

S: They're cute.  Unfortunately, they're not sexy enough for a teenage boy in the mid-2000s.

O: [sighs] No, but they were sexy enough for a teenage boy in the 80’s.

S: [laughs] Yes, but that was when he knew it was his- it was friend shaped.

O: [laughs] Oh-

S: Bumblebee is-

O: G1 Bumblebee is so friend shaped.

S: He is.  He's friend shaped to everyone except Megatron, really.  Well, all of the Decpti-

O: No, he’s friend shaped to Megatron in the comics too!

S: Oh god, well, are we talking IDW comic or the original?

O: I was talking about the- I was talking about the- the plot in IDW, yeah. [laughs] Mostly I just thought was funny because his design is very, very similar in that toG1-

S: Yeah-

O: And I was like, yeah that’s pretty funny though.

S: Yeah, you're right he was very friend shaped in that.

O: He is friend shaped to everybody.

S: But in the Marvel Comics he's not friend shaped to the Decepticons.

O: Oh no, nobody's friend shaped in the Marvel comic. [laughs]  Are you kidding me?

S: Ah, ah, Bee’s been following this kid around for a while and the car salesman clearly has never seen this damn car in his life, but he's still gonna try and sell it.

O: I-I mean given that it is his car lot, I can’t- I’m not sure I can fault him on this decision really? [laughs]

S: Well, it’s not honest.

O: [laughs] No.

S: And he's like, “I'm honest- whatever.”  I think he has, “honesty,” actually on a sign somewhere.

O: [continues to laugh]

S: I don't know, it's not- it doesn't really matter.  And, um, there's also an ostrich here. Why is there an ostrich!?!

O: I think he has a petting zoo or something, I don’t know.

S: He is down to make that dough.

O: Very.

S: Bee also comes with racing stripes.

O: We all know that makes him go faster, Specs!

S: [snorts]

O: [laughs]

S: Amongst other things, Bee contains a bee air freshener, that says “BEE-OTCH,” a small disco ball, and a weird lion bobblehead, that I thought was a small taxidermied animal at first.

O: [laughs] And we didn’t even see it till our second walk- er, watch through either!  Just to make this more ridiculous!

S: Yeah, it vanishes so I gather Spike didn’t- oh god, not Spike-

O: No, this isn’t Spike, it would probably be better if it was!

S: Yeah.  Sam didn't think it was too hot either.

O: Yeah, but uh, this whole bit, just feels creepy.  Sam's gonna buy Bumblebee, a living, thinking, being, whose intelligence definitely surpasses his own.

S: And let's compare this to Charlie from the Bumblebee movie, who's trying to rebuild a car by herself with no support from her family and then there's Sam.  And I mean, okay, yeah, she does get Bumblebee, basically- basically in a transaction. She does kind of buy him, but when she realizes that he's a person, she treats him like a person.

O: Exactly, and Sam is just this entitled little rich kid living in a nice house and has everything handed to him in Southern California!   I don't know what his parents do, but clearly they make good fucking money!

S: I don't know what they do.

O: Me either!

S: Bee is even parked next to a VW Bug, an old one.  Which he will then proceed to wreck.

O: I feel like this is the start to Michael Bay being like why do you like, “Why do you like that nerdy shit?  Come look at boobs, tits, and nice cars. These are the only things that are really important.” This will be the hill I die on.

S: [sighs] I don’t understand Michael Bay.

O: If you didn’t like this, why did you do it!?!  I know the answer is money.

S: Money is-

O: But you can at least do it enjoyably!

S: Yeah, well, money is the root of a lot of... stuff.  Speaking of, Bee is... very much a dick here. He destroys this guy's entire lot of cars, or at least all their windows.  Because he emits a supersonic noise and you know, busts all the windows in an effort to get Sam to buy him or get the guy to sell him to Sam-

O: For a cheaper price, basically.

S: Yeah.

O: Cutting to the Pentagon, the Secretary of Defense is briefing a team of technicians who will be attempting to decode the Decepticon signal they got from Blackout earlier. (Kind of.)

S: One of them is a very intelligent young woman named Maggie.

O: Who will proceed to be shot like another piece of tits and ass, like all the pretty woman in this movie.  Oh, and if you're not young and pretty in this movie series you're basically just a harpy.

S: [sighs] And after this movie we will never see her again.  Which might imply that she has more longevity than Sam.

O: Smart girl.  At Sam’s house, we’re introduced to his mom, his dog, and some casual sexism.

S: We're not allowed to put girl jewelry on a male dog in this house, are we?

O: Of course not!  What would the men think?  That jewelry is awesome and they're totally allowed to wear it.  Yeah, actually let's do that- that sounds way better.

S: [sighs] But don't worry if you think Mojo [Sam’s dog] is emasculated or something.  Later movies will have him humping absolutely everything.

O: Yeah, because that's what I want to watch in a movie about giant alien robots!

S: Admittedly, these movies aren't particularly about giant alien robots.  They’re-

O: No, they're like- about Sam's love life and explosions [snickers].

S: Or whatever the human lead’s love life.

O: [quietly] True.

S: That's- that’s typically how it runs. [sighs] Back to the army guys again.  They're still attempting to escape Scorponok. Except they don't know that Scorponok’s following them.

O: No, but they're like, trying to get away from the base.

S: They're trying to get somewhere where they can contact help, I think? So they're making their way through the desert, with this young kid that showed up at the very beginning of the movie and was like, “Hi!  You're my friends, I'm bringing you something.” And he escaped with them.

O: Yup.  They decide they need to get their intel back to Pentagon as soon as possible.

S: And in our other movie, Sam's friend is a moron, and Mikaela's boyfriend is a dick, just a beefier dick than Sam.

O: So infuriating, this should be relatable.  I was the weirdo in high school! But no, I still just want to strangle Sam with my bare hands.

S: And- well, honestly, Miles (Sam's friend) isn't really a moron.  He's just acting like an actual teenage boy.

O: [laughs]

S: [huffs] He's climbing trees and entering cars through the window and then in the next scene when we see that, the door is open?  So he like, dived through the door?

O: Continuity.  Continuity is not a thing, Specs.

B: [laugh]

S: [sighs] Sam proceeds to bait Mikaela's jock boyfriend to satisfy his own ego, but just barely manages to avoid a knuckle sandwich.

O: UNFORTUNATELY.  Said boyfriend then proceeds to treat Mikaela like property.

S: He won't even let her ride in the front seat of his truck.  She knows significantly more about trucks than you do, you asshole!  She could probably-

O: Oh, she could run circles around this asshole.

S: Well no, I was thinking she could probably you know, set something up so that his truck killed him.

O: Ah-ha-ha, there we go!  That's the movie- that's the movie Mikaela should have been in.

S: Well, I mean, Megan Fox- she is apparently good in Jennifer's Body.  Sam boots his friend out of Bumblebee so that he can offer... Mikaela a ride home.

O: It’s shitty to strand your friend like this, dude.

S: It's especially shitty, because the car has backseat.

O: And he couldn't shove his friend back there.

S: [quietly] Yeah.

O: Mikaela reluctantly accepts and Bee has decided to become Sam's wingman, apparently.

S: I'm assuming he knows what teenagers do in cars, but really, does he actually understand what teenagers do in cars!?!

O: [while laughing] Um, I'm-I’m not sure to be honest.

S: Well, considering they apparently learned English from the internet.

O: Yeah, you’d think there’d be some porn thrown in there.

S: I’d assume so.  Um, he breaks down causing Mikaela to open his hood and check the engine.

O: And what kills me, is that she's saying relevant things throughout the scene but the way she's shot, she's not treated like a person, she's treated like a-a-an object to be viewed essentially, and it is very frustrating. I know we could assume that it's from Sam's perspective, but boy does this get old.

S: It gets really old.  Sam asks her about why she hangs out with her boyfriend.  Of course, he phrases it like, strongly hinting that she should hang out with him instead.  And Mikaela can totally tell that he's doing that so she's like, “I'm out,” and starts walking off.

O: But Bee suddenly starts working again so Sam's able to convince her to at least let him finish driving her home.

S: She'd have probably had a better time walking home, let's be real.

O: Probably.

S: Except she might have had really uncomfy shoes...

O: Eh, except like, it was sunset, and it was night by the time they got home.  So I have to ask, how far out of town were they?

S: That's a good point.  Um, and then we get Sam saying uh, [sighs] that, “There's more than meets the eye,” about the Mikaela.

O: Why does this just feel like another slap in the face of the original series?

S: Probably because it is, and on to Air Force One.  Frenzy, who's apparently someone's carry on here, because he's a boombox in this and was actually under someone's seat.

O: Or!  You could choose to imagine him walking onto the onto the plane himself.  Just thing about this little radio, who’s got teeny tiny little legs, and walks on the plane.  It's way funnier!  Also, did he steal Soundwave’s alt!?!

S: That is a fun thing, but yeah.  Hello president who is obviously Bush!  Whose face we don't see, but unfortunately we get to see his besoc- besocked feet.

O: He wants a ding dong.

S: [sighs]

O: Betcha do!  Uh, Frenzy attempts to get data from the military database by way of Air Force One, but he’s caught while doing this, and so the Secret Service shoots at him.

S: The Secret Service apparently didn't get the 4-1-1 on what you don't do on a plane.  You don't shoot shit on a plane. You really don't wanna do that. It just leads for a bad time, for everyone, very briefly.

O: [laughing] Yup!  Very short lives!

S: Either that, or they're lucky and they manage to make a safe landing but... you don't want-

O: Do you really- do you really want to risk that?  No.

S: No, you don't want catastrophic decompression on a plane.

O: No you don’t.

S: I mean, who knows, maybe Air Force One is better... built?  Once they uh, basically, they end up taking the plane down, uh, in an emergency landing, because shots fired or whatever.  Then once they bring the plane down, Frenzy is able to sneak off the plane through the a- he goes down like, the doors that the wheels go out and then it's just funny.

O: It is.

S: Yeah, he goes over to Barricade after that.

O: Barricade’s a police car.  He will be more relevant later, but uh- you have any doubts that this little thing was Frenzy, you just need to see that little walk off the plane and you will know.

S: Cuz he- he's got like, his hand up to hide his face.

O: Yeah, like he’s- he’s like, trying to be nonchalant.  Like, after they thought he was trying to kill the president it is delightful.

S: Mm-hmm and Frenzy is smarter than the- the Secret Service on this plane because he had like, shurikens.

O: Yeah!  Once he's in Barricade he pulls up the eBay listings for Sam's Grandpa's glasses and says, “We must find LadiesMan217!”

S: Why did he pick that username?

O: I don't know, but I legitimately find it hilarious every time a Cybertronian has to shout it in this movie.  I know he said it in like, Cybertronian there, it is still great.

S: Oh Sam’s ego, but yeah, it is really funny anytime a robot shouts that.  At Sam's house, Bee apparently has got places to be. So he just, you know, turns on his own ignition and then drives off by himself.

O: This awakens Sam, who then goes chasing after his own car on his bike.

S: And call- he calls the police.  Sam calls the police to report that his car is being stolen.  Going so far as to remind them that his dad is the head of the neighborhood watch.

O: Well, if you needed a another reminder that Sam is a rich white boy, there you go.

S: [sighs] Yeah…

O: Sam finally catches up with Bee, who's standing some distance away beaming the bat signal- I mean the Autobot signal some kind of signal-er, some kind of signal into space.

S: Sam starts recording all of this on his shitty flip phone, and thinking that he's going to die the first words out of his mouth are, “Porn’s not mine, it's Miles’!”

O: Oh yes, that's the last image I'd want to leave my own mother with. Talking about your erections, lovely.

S: Considering one of the conversations that happens later…

O: It may be were relevant than I want to imagine, yeah.  Mm-hmm. Moving on!

S: Yeah.  Sam is then chased by some good doggos, who managed to get free of their uh, basically they weren’t very well contained.

O: Yep.

S: But the poor puppies are denied their midnight snack as Bumblebee bursts in and save[s] him and you don't really see the dogs go away.  They just start aren’t there anymore.

O: [laughs] And despite thinking his car’s alive, he shouts something that they, “Can keep the car!” and chunks his keys at Bee.

S: I don't even know what the building they're in even is, cuz he goes into a building and then suddenly it seems like they're not in a building anymore and it's... what's going on?

O: Yeah… Um, Sam's arrested when the cops show up for making a false 9-1-1 call because his car is obviously right there.

S: Yep, and it's not like there was any evidence of other people around.

O: There weren’t.

S: At the Pentagon with some assholes, including the Secretary of Defense and our- Maggie, our pretty lady analyst.  Maggie proceeds to sneak into a very high up meeting basically to say, “The system is alive!”

O: Which is completely insane in any other context, except this movie, where she is technically right, but it still sounds like a pretty insane context-

S: Yeah.

O: Er, sane- sounds like pretty insane an idea.

S: She kind of gets kicked out... of the meeting.

O: Yeah.

S: But she's right, and she will be vindicated later.  And, um, I hate the color balancing in this movie everything is so orange and blue.  It looks like everyone's skin tone is basically, you know, orange and like, they all have really bad spray tans?  Or at least all the white people do. None of the black people in this movie really have to deal with looking like an orange.

O: They may still have orange light on them, but it's not quite the same way.

S: Yeah, and now it's police time.

O: Where we've made Sam do a pee test, and then they hold up a bottle that says, “Mojo,” on it and they're interrogating him about it.  Mojo, as previously stated... is his dog and it is very likely that the bottle would say, “canine,” on it because that's how it worked when I had to pick up medication for my cat from the pharmacy. [Well, the cat’s was labelled ‘feline,’ but you know what we mean.]  So they're just being assholes.

S: And I mean, that looks like a legit prescription bottle.

O: Yeah.

S: So, I don't think most people keep their illegal drugs in legit prescription bottles.

O: [laughs] Fair, fair.

S: I mean, I have no personal experience but… [sighs]  And back to the Middle East with the soldier boys.

O: Scorponok attempts subtlety, only narrowly missing killing Lennox.

S: He does however succeed in killing the oblivious glasses guy, or maybe he doesn't kill him, maybe just badly injures him?  I don’t know.

O: I’m pretty sure he's dead because we don't see him for the rest of the movie.  If I'm wrong I apologize.

S: Okay, that's a good point.  The soldiers all book it and take shelter in and around these bombed out buildings.  Which is apparently the young boy's village. [sighs] They have brought hell down upon this small village and this will never be addressed.

O: The dad of the kid that's been helping them seems awfully nice, considering they have brought a giant mechanical scorpion to the front door.

S: Yup, that poor man does not deserve any of this shit.

O: Nope!

S: And here's one of the few legitimately funny scenes in this movie.

O: Lennox, has to call the Pentagon.  Which involves Lennox having to go back and forth with the most bored guy in a call center ever, but he also needs a credit card because it's a long-distance call.  A really long distance call.

S: He's able to get that credit card from Epps, one of the soldiers in his squad.

O: And this is all happening, while they're in the middle of a firefight.  So they're having to yell to be heard and stuff. Epps is also shooting at Scorponok, so Lennox has to grab the wallet off of Epps.

S: And so their conversation on how to navigate this is effectively a something like.  “It's in my back pocket!” “Which one!?!” “Left cheek! Left cheek! Left cheek!” All while firing at Scorponok.  And apparently he's like- eh, Lennox is like, “You have like fifteen pockets!”

O: [laughs]  Which I feel like is legitimately funny!  And I just kind of wish I just didn’t have to like, be concerned, is this racism- with the call center guy looking and sounding Indian and I don't know, because that seems like something Michael Bay would do.

S: Yeah… yeah.  Jets and other military things have apparently been quickly scrambled and show up.

O: Including a military drone, just like what Soundwave turns into in Prime, so I was chuckling.

S: Explosions happen, and miraculously they don't appear to hit any civilians, somehow.  And then there's more shooting and more explosions-

O: And I get very bored.

S: And they're able to shoot off a part of Scorponok's tail, while the rest of Scorponok conveniently gets away.

O: They definitely thought this is important.  The music swells, things are happening in slow motion… you should be paying attention to this.

S: Basically, uh, the military guys get rescued and presumably no one does anything to help repair the damage that…

O: They've done to this village.

S: Yeah, we never hear about the young child again.

O: Nope!

S: [sighs] And back in America, Maggie has stolen intel from the Pentagon and uh, shows up on her friend Glen's doorstep.  And she- she hides it in her makeup case.

O: Which is pretty clever.  Also, he's apparently a master hacker!

S: Yup.  He pulls out some bullshit program that basically auh, you know, pulls, “It's alive!” from the Decepticon audio data Maggie brought over.

O: Which is about the point the feds show up with the SWAT team and arrest them both.

S: Yeah.  Bee shows a back up at Sam's house presumably just to fuck with Sam which at this point really does seem like a Bee thing to do in this movie.

O: Yeah… Bee’s kind of a dick.

S: Sam escapes on his mom’s bike.

O: Why does his mom have a bike that looks like it belongs to a five-year-old!?!  I mean, like- look, I'm not saying don't do you, cuz do you, but- but- but… his mom confuses me.

S: Apparently, she's just a very girly girl who... has a basket that needs to have a pillow in it.  Maybe she takes Mojo for bike rides?

O: I would believe that.

S: I could see her doing that considering that she does put jewelry on him.  She makes him a handsome boy.

O: She does.

S: [sighs] Oh god, so now Sam is running away from his own car, like a crazy person and then uh, runs into Mikaela who's out apparently having lunch.

O: A day, yeah.

S: Well, lunch with her friends.

O: Yeah!

S: She has normal friends, and Sam proceeds to look like a crazy person.

O: He thinks his car is chasing him.  The fact that he's right doesn't really play into how this looks right now.

S: Cuz yeah, he's- he's riding a very pink bike that--

O: Saying his car is chasing him.

S: Yeah.  Bee was definitely driving on the sidewalk, and probably on people's lawns for parts of this.

O: It was funny  Mikaela hops on her scooter because clearly she's like, “I guess I go- I guess I better go help this dumbass.”

S: Mikaela was just a very nice, responsible person.  She's- she's kind.

O: Yeah, she’s not the- like yeah, you don't really see her being mean.

S: She-

O: Even to Sam, even when Sam is being kind of a jerk earlier she's never outright mean to him.  She's done, very done, but you never really see her being mean to him with- unless he kind of deserved it like later.

S: Mikaela is a very kind person and unfortunately she doesn't- her character just doesn't get the recognition that she deserves.

O: No, she doesn’t.

S: [sighs]

O: Barricade catches up with Sam.

S: The police slogan on the side of his police car says- or his police car alt mode says. “To punish and enslave”.

O; What about being undercover, dude?

S: Well, be honest most people don't really pay much attention.

O: [quietly] True.

S: He dicks with Sam for a bit before transforming into robot mode and yelling, “Are you LadiesMan217!?!”

O: Really quickly, and it's amazing.  Sam runs away and knocks Mikaela off her scooter.

S: Sam, you dumbass, you could have really fucking hurt her, you jack ass.

O: Pretty much. [singing] ~Here Bee comes to save the dayyyyyy!~

S: Sam proceeds to pull a, “Come with me if you want to live,” to Mikaela, which... At this point, considering that he has now uh, conflated her with himself to the Decepticons probably- is probably true, yeah.

O: Fair.  They have a high-speed chase, somewhere in Southern California.

S: Bee gets them somewhere relatively isolated before dumping the two of them out and transforming to fight with Barricade and... is this still the middle of the day?  I- no this is at night, it’s night now.

O: It keeps kind of swapping, it's weird.  And then Frenzy hop-

S: How long where they… ?

O: I don't know how long this was going on, because it was like- it looked like it was mid-afternoon and they don't get dumped out till night, like the sun has set, night.

S: Like, jeez.

O: I don't know, heh, but Frenzy hops out of Barricade and attacks Sam and Mikaela.

S: [sighs] Sam manages to lose his goddamn pants in this altercation.

O: Of course he does.  Mikaela, being the badass that she is, grabs a fucking power tool and attacks Frenzy with it.  Cutting him into pieces!

S: Mikaela kicks ass, and she would have been a far better protagonist.  My heart weeps that this wasn't actually the reality.

O: Eh, that's okay they kind of did it in the Bumblebee movie.

S: Yeah.  Sam shows his bravery by... bravely kicking Frenzy’s head away.

O: Frenzy, using a second set of legs coming from his head... walks over to Mikaela’s purse, because she dropped it earlier, and then disguises himself as her cellphone.

S: After stabbing her, you know, her real cellphone.  Presumably to get data from it or something?

O: I would assume?  Yeah.

S: Otherwise it's gonna be a very bad disguise.  She opens it and is like, “Where are all my god damn contacts?”

B: [laugh]

O: Yeah, fair.

S: And then there's some crack about Bee being Japanese, once Sam finally gets his actual introduction to his, you know, ‘not a car’.

O: This should be a tongue-in-cheek reference to the original toys being created by the Japanese company Takara, but given Bay’s track record, I really have to wonder.  I know I keep bringing that up, but like, parts of this movie feel very uncomfortable to watch-

S: [quietly] Yeah.

O: -and certain racial stereotyping that he does not only in this movie, but even worse, honestly, in the sequels... just makes me feel really uncomfortable.

S: [quietly] Yeah. [normal volume]  They ride off in Bee, both Sam and Mikaela and not wanting to sit in the driver's seat because Bee is driving and... that wouldn't be polite somehow.

O: I'm not even going to comment on what I'm actually thinking.  Sam tries to pull off a slick move, telling Mikaela she should sit in his lap because there's only one other seat belt.

S: That's bad, if you're in an accident you're both gonna die.  Though, I mean, considering they’re both in a giant alien robot…

O: I mean their driver is a sentient alien robot, who's used to being a car, so hopefully that doesn't happen, right?

S: Mostly I'm just imagining that a giant alien robot car isn't going to have the same sort of, you know, safety tests-

O: Oh, safety precautions!?!  Ha! [laughs]

S: [trying not to laugh] Safety test results that an actual car-

O: [continues laughing]  That’s fair!

S: So who the hell knows how this would work!  Bee takes offense at being called a ‘piece-of-shit Camaro’.

O: Leading to him dumping them out, driving off without a driver, and then driving past a very conveniently placed newer yellow and black Camaro with the exact paint job he wants.  Because Michael Bay cares about very few things in this movie. Tits! And you, yes you! Driving a nice shiny car, because you are a man. A virale, sex having man!

B: [laugh]

O: Or at least that's what he's assuming!

S: Oh, and the way Bumblebee scans this car is kind of ridiculous cuz he’s- he’s up on two wheels driving like half on his side so he’s-

O:  Yeah, like on his side!  So he’s got to scan it with something like, on the bottom of his car mode???

S: Yeah, on his undercarriage and it's weird and silly.

O: And it’s just like, yeah, nobody saw this.  Sure!

S: Like, they're driving in a tunnel, there were definitely other people around, cuz people-

O: There definitely were!

S: Cuz people honked at them, people honked at them when Bumblebee dropped them off.  But yeah, let's go. Bee picks them up and they're like, “Oh wow, you could have done this anytime?” and then Bee precedes to take them trespassing so they can meet new people.

O: Where even are they?

S: I don’t know!  I don't think anyone knows.

O; Valid point.

S: Who knows, maybe they're in Oregon now.

O: [laughs] Yes!  They drove north. Very far north!

S: They could have if they were driving all day, I don’t know!  Either that or they were going around goddamn circles.

O: I'm willing to bet that actually.

S: And finally we're going to get more robots as um, meteorites rain down.  These robots being our Autobots.

O: Who will still not improve this movie enough to matter.

S: Which is so depressing.

O: It really is!

S: Mikaela and Sam hold hands because as uh, movie logic dictates- if you have a man and a woman who spend more than a few minutes uh, with one another they will be in love by the end of it.

O: Who cares!  The Autobots seriously fuck some shit up when they land on Earth!

S: Oh they do.  And not a single fuck was given, because they seriously have no idea what the fuck's going on.

O: A bunch of people are running around at several of the crash si- sites recording things too.

S: Um-hmm.  Recording stuff, and probably putting it on YouTube-

O: I would assume.

S: -or whatever in-universe equivalent of YouTube.

O: I think it's just YouTube, based on a sequel, but don't quote me on that.

S: Who knows, we even see Ratchet’s weird ambulance mode in the background of some of these shots.  So we can see where and when he scanned it.

O: Apparently, according to the TF Wiki, this is supposed to be a Hummer H2 rescue vehicle.  So not even technically an ambulance.

S: And then we see Jazz at a Cadillac dealership.

O: Isn’t he supposed to be a Porsche?

S: Yep.

O:  I mean, [sighs] why start being accurate with alts now, right?

S: Well, I'm going to assume that Cadillac paid for this product placement.

O: [laughs] Yeah…

S: Whereas, Porsche probably didn't give a shit.

O: And Porsche was already in there so they did pay money, but the Cadillacs probably paid more.

S: Probably, I don’t know. He's- yeah, he's not even a Cadillac.  Jazz is a Pontiac Solstice, so why are we even had a Cadillac dealership?

O: Money.  Ironhide however, is a huge fucking truck now.

S: A GMC Topkick.  He also apparently, uh- a little girl mistakes him for the tooth fairy.

O: It’s pretty cute actually. I gotta give them that.

S: Yep. Optimus lands on scams a conveniently placed semi.

O: [It] kills me that they copy the paint jobs.  I think I’d prefer if the paint jobs were something that were like, inherent to them, to their biology.  But no! There's another truck out there with blue paint and orange and red flames on the side, are you shitting me?

S: I mean…

O: Or on the front.

S: [snickers]  It's likelier than you think.  Does this mean that there is another cop car out there with, “Punish and enslave,” on the side, or it- was this some civilian’s idea of a cop cosplay?

O: [sighs] Well, we do see little details change like the Autobot signals [symbols] on Ratchet’s paint job.  So maybe that was a small enough detail to be changed. The only reason we even know the semi-truck’s paint job is because we saw a drive by.

S: Yeah. Uh, the Autobots show up in an alley where they meet up with uh, Bee, Sam, and Mikaela.

O: Optimus transforms, he's a Kenworth W900 truck in the live-action series.  Which looks somewhat different from his design from the cartoon which was based on a Freightliner WFT-8664T.

S: To make this more confusing they used an entirely different [truck] model while filming, but we're going with uh, Hasbro’s official answer here.

O: Namely, the Freightliner was a cab over truck and the Kenworth isn't.  It's a more traditional semi that you see stateside anyway.

S: He introduces the rest of the bots and their robot modes are also terrible.

O: Jazz apparently learned to speak from the Internets and knows the lingo.

S: Well, presumably they all did.  I think Jazz is the one who actually paid attention.

O: Yeah.

S: Ironhide, our weapons expert.

O: “I blow shit up!”

S: And [uneasy laugh] welcome to one of our least favorite lines ever and it's Ratchet’s introduction no less.

O: And I quote, “The boy’s pheromone levels suggest he wants to mate with the female.”

S: [quietly] Oh god.  Ugh...

O: I'd like to remind you all that Ratchet is uh, Specs’ favorite G1 character.  So this is particularly ughhh. [laughs] I’m so sorry.  Not like my faves really go- are handled any better to be fair, except maybe Soundwave.

S: We've also got to make it clear that he can't fix Bee.  So Ratchet zaps him with something or whatever.

O: They just need Powerglide to fix him, obviously!  With his magical ray of healing.

S: Yeah that'd probably do the trick.  Optimus puts on a laser light show to explain the plot to Sam.  And I mean, the laser light show was cool but... this seems like a really weird-

O: Weird place to do it?  But uh, he's Optimus Fucking Prime, he does what he wants.

S: This is all funnier to listen to once you realize just how young the Bayverse versions of Transformers are compared to their counterparts in any other continuity.  Optimus is like 10,000 years old, tops? Compared to the G1 versions, where everyone's like, millions of years old.

O: I would love to see G1 Megs’ reaction to us.  “You're how old!?! Sparklings! Why are sparklings in charge!?!”

S: Why are babies fighting?  Oh my god it's the baby war.

O: [singing to the tune of Muppet Babies] ~Robot babies!~ [laughs]

S: Oh god, the fact that there are actually, at least, a few crossovers that's basically Transformers babies.  Where they basically took a concept of Muppet Babies and did it with Transformers.

O: Oh lord, oh lord. Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh.

S: Cause it’s- yeah, Megatron is Meggy.

O: [sighs]

S: I read those-

O: No.

S: -way back-

O: No.  I refuse to believe those exists.

S: [starts laughing]

O: I live in a world where those don’t exist because I haven’t seen them yet, and I don’t have object permanence!

B: [laugh]

S: Unfortunately, I can introduce you to things that will make you regret this fandom.

O: You would!  YOU WOULD! [laughs]

S: I’ve in this fandom since like, 2002!

O: You’re like, “Bitch, I been in this fandom for decades!”

S: Well, definitely more than decade at this point.  It will be two decades of-um, in like three years.

O: [laughs]

S: Optimus continues to explain that Megatron basically destroyed Cybertron.

O: Oh sure, blame Megatron for this.  Nevermind what we learn about Sentinel Prime later.

S: And in any case it takes two to tango, so…

O: Uh-huh.

S: It may not have been good if they've just rolled over and let Megatron do whatever the hell he wanted but…

O I don't really trust this Optimus either, soooo, you know.

S: Yeah.  It’s a war, both sides are going to do... a lot of shit.

O: Yup.

S: We get a bit better look at Megatron's design in the flashback, as Optimus continues to explain.

O: Thanks!  I hate it.

S: Megatron here just looks like a bipedal bag of knives.

O: And that sounds like the world's worst cryptid!

S: Optimus tell Sam um, that he may be Earth's only hope.

O: Help me Whitwicky, you're my only hope!

S: What a depressing hope.

O: Definitely!  So now it's time for the plot glasses, which apparently were imprinted with the coordinates for the AllSpark when Sam's great granddad whatever found Megatron.

S: I don't understand the mechanism that did this.

O: I don't either, just roll with it.

S: [sighs]

O: The movie is.

S: [groans] You know, the Decepticons could have literally just bid on the fucking auction for the glasses.

O: And I refuse to believe that, that is not exactly what Soundwave would have done if he was here, because that is the perfectly reasonable plan.

S: Or you know, literally just sending Frenzy to infiltrate his house.  Anything would have been better than what actually happened.

O: Pretty much.  But eBay!

S: That would have- it would have been way funnier if Soundwave had done the, you know, bidding on eBay robot- the robot war is literally a bidding war.

O: Yeah, and less things would have blown up. Michael Bay would have died from lack of explosions, but I- I think that's the price I'm willing to pay.

S: [sighs] Maggie and Glen get brought to the uh, Pentagon... maybe?  They're in some sort of holding cell waiting for interrogation.

O: Yeah... I get- I- I think it's the Pentagon, I'm not actually sure.

S: And then Glen proceeds to eat all the doughnuts that were left in um, left there.  And they're delicious, delicious looking doughnuts.

O: [Homer Simpson intonenation] Emmm, doughnut.   And now driving through a quiet suburban neighborhood, late at night- all of the Autobots!

S:  [sighs] Sam tries to convince the Autobots to stay outside and stay quiet, while he goes inside and tries to find the glasses.  And he's actually um, reasonably polite and respectful about this, considering the situation.

O: Eh... but the Autobots are super impatient.

S: [sighs] And Sam’s dad continues to be an asshole.  Basically moaning about how he spent all his money on a car for Sam, and now Sam gets home late and he had to do all of Sam's chores.  Like the KIND person that he is.

O: So instead of you know, just doing something nice for your kid you're going to just- stand out here, at the screen door, having a dick-measuring contest with your teenage fucking son.  Granted it is pretty fucking hysterical that Optimus and the rest are sneaking around the yard while Sam is desperately trying to be like, “No dad, I got this, you don't need to come out here, it’s fine!”

S: [sharp intake of breath] God, if Sam's dad had actually gone outside.

O: [laughs]

S: How the hell would that have worked?  I mean if he'd had booze or something or he had-  he has like-

O: He just looks at the wine glass and walks back inside.

S: [sharp intake of breath] “I've had too much to drink, I'm going to bed.”

O: [laughs]

S: Cuz all of the Autobot stuff is in the background.

O: Of course, they're stepping on things, knocking things over, the whole works.

S: Why didn't they just stay in car mode?

O: It’s a valid question.  I really don't think Optimus would be this much of an idiot and it makes the Autobots all look like assholes who aren't listening to the person who's trying to help them, and what he's asking them to do.

S: And then to make it worse, Ironhide pulls out his gun and aims it at Sam's dog.

O: Which is what, the equivalent are pulling at a freaking pistol cuz a bug landed on you?  What the hell, man!?!

S: Though Ironhide saying, “Bad mojo!” after Sam prompts him is pretty funny.  And the reason why he pulls out the uh, the big guns is because Sam's dog... pees on him.

O: Yep!  But seriously, this is the dumbest plan guys.

S: Yeah, the Autobots have been waiting all this time and apparently they can't sit still for five minutes, because they're all like, giant toddlers.

O:  [singing to the tune of Muppet Babies] ~Robot babies!~ [laughs]

S: [sighs] Transformers babies.  I- I am seriously debating finding that and throwing it at you.

O: You're just- you just want to hurt me.

S: I showed you good stuff!

O: Anyway, Optimus lifts Mikaela up into Sam's room and they both began rummaging around his room to find the glasses.

S: Sam shoos Mikaela away from a certain area in his room and um-

O: That's his porn, that's his porn stash.

S: [sighs] So I guess that's what he was referring to earlier.

O: Probably.

S: And now all of the Autobots are in car mode, in the backyard.  Except they've already done a shitload of damage.

O: Um-hm.

S: Except apparently Ratchet... isn't in car mode.  Cuz he uh-

O: Or he transforms from car mode?

S: Yeah cuz he, uh... he walks into a transformer, a power transformer.

O: Ugh, I'm just not fond of the VA they picked for him here.  I know Prime wasn't out yet, but that guy, we need that guy [Jeffrey Combs] here.  I love [that] Ratchet’s voice.

S: So when Ratchet walked into the power transformer, he knocked out the power.  He fell down I was like, “Oh! That was a kick, that was fun.”

O: [laughs]

Because apparently getting shocked for Transformers feels all tingly and fun.

O: [laughs] I mean…

S: Uh, and so- so at this point, the power is out, Sam's parents think that there's an earthquake cuz Ratchet fell down and made you know, shit happen and then they duck under- well, Sam's dad ducks under a table.  His mom is just like, “How did you get over there so fast?”

O: [laughs] I do enjoy that they're like, “Bring the wine!”  Cuz if they're gonna die, they're gonna die happy.

S: They’re all a little slooshed up at this point.

O: They- they are. [laughs]

S: And then Sam's parents uh, head upstairs to check on Sam and bang on his door.

O: And we present to you, the most awkward conversation ever captured in cinema!

S: Sam's parents are like, “Hey, uh, why was your door locked?  There aren’t- no doors are locked in this house,” and uh, decide to assume uh, masturbation was what was going on.

O: I did not need. [Clears throat] I did not need, or want to hear his mom call it, ”Sam’s special alone time”!  Just no. All the no. NO-NO-NO-NO-NO!

S: Ironhide asks Optimus if you can shoot them.

O: PLEASE!!!  [dissolves into laughter]  Optimus is like, “No, what's wrong with you!?!”

S: Yeah, and then all of the Autobots are trying to avoid being seen.  So, it's like they're attempting to do a Jenga with the house and they're all scrunched up- around and under Sam's window listening in and it's actually a pretty neat shot.

O: It's pretty funny.  Mercifully, Mikaela saves us from this insanity by stepping out and introducing herself.  So yeah, I think they're just gonna assume they were doing the horizontal mambo, if you know what I mean!

S: His parents apologize that she may have heard their ‘family discussion’.

O: Oh, is that what you're calling talking about your son’s WANKING OFF HABITS!?!

S: [sighs] Your son’s sex life, or lack thereof.

O: Why did you do this to me movie!?!

S: And this is where the federal agents come in.

O: OH THANK GOD!  And we have our main asshole FBI guy- oh sorry, I mean Sector Seven guy, Agent Simmons, JOY.

S: Sam's parents take issue with all of this.  Particularly his mom, who's mad that they're messing up their plants. Oh, and at some point, the father looked outside and was like, “Ah!  The earthquake destroyed all my shit!”

O: [laughs] Cuz he thinks the earthquake did it.

S: And at this point I think Sam's mom's gonna be really unhappy when she realizes just how much damage the Autobots did…

O: Yeah, Optimus stepped on her flowerbed.

S: Yeah.  And then the Sector Seven people want to take Sam away.

O: Personally, I think they can just, you know, have him!  Can we follow Mikaela for the rest of the movie instead, please?

S: Unfortunately, Mikaela gets brought along too.

O: Sam, his parents, and Mikaela are shoved into some cars by the Sector Seven guys.

S: Oh, and the reason that the uh, the Sector Seven people know to take Sam is that they have some sort of uh, thing that reads radiation and Simmons-

O: And he dropped his cell phone, or the cops still had it, so they [Sector Seven] now have his cell phone.

S: That's true.

O: And his recording of Bee, and him talking.

S: Yeah.

O: And him saying his car is alive.

S: Yeah, but they also have a thing that like, reads the radiation.  So Sam and Mikaela unfortunately, are now probably irradiated... somehow.  Which may or may not give them a very good life expectancy. And oh, Sam's terrible eBay user name gets mentioned again.

O: And you totally see Mikaela roll her eyes at it too.

S: Oh yeah, and they apparently have Sam's phone as you mentioned.  Which is how they tracked him down, and when asked about his ‘stolen’ car Sam says, “It came back.”

O: Right!  Doesn’t your car come back when it's stolen, Specs?

S: No, it's not a boomerang.  Though I suppose if a thief stole it [and] they decided it was super shitty they’d return it because-

O: I feel like they wouldn't even return it.

S: Or it just turns up again, like a block away.

O: I would be more willing to believe that.

S: I think I've seen stuff about that happening, but I don’t know.  Agent Simmons decides to lord his authority over them by uh, showing his badge and declaring it a, “I can do whatever I want and get away with it,” badge.

O: More like an asshole badge!

S: He also starts uh, to threaten Mikaela's dad.

O: Because as previously stated, he is a fucking asshole.  It's not even like Mikaela's got much to do with any of this to begin with.

S: People with power are just assholes-

O: Pretty much.

S: -a lot of the time.  And of course, it's um, prime time to bring up Mikaela's criminal record, because fuck you Simmons.

O: And Sam has the nerve to be horrified when finding out about this.

S: Sam you jackass.  You privileged, rich, white boy.

O: Yup.

S: And then the car is picked up and the- the uh, roof is ripped off by Optimus, once they’re in a suitably isolated area.

O: Optimus then kneels down, has an entire conversation with agent Simmons and Co.

S: He gets mad and tells them to get out of the car.

O: What’s left of it you mean?

S: I mean, it probably runs, maybe?

O: [laughs] He took off- like, the entire top half of it off!

S: Yes, but that- that's a not the part that keeps it from running.

O: And dropped it quite a ways.

S: Yeah... that's true, I don't know.  Mikaela finally tells Sam off for shitty comments about her criminal record earlier by asking him, “When have you ever had to give up anything in your perfect little life?”  Mikaela has a criminal record because she wouldn't rat out her dad.

O: Yeah, which- and depending on how old she is this should not have really even been legal to begin with.

S: Yeah.

O: Like, this like, I’m- I'm assuming this happened sometime between when she was 8 and 12 and it means that somebody chose to basically to prosecute her at a higher age bracket.  [My logic for this is that there’s a comment about him not always having been able to afford a babysitter for her so I assume she wouldn’t have been old enough to stay home by herself, but take that with a grain of salt.  ~O]

S: Yeah.

O: Which is shitty.  But, that statement, that line, is the most accurate description of Sam.  Here is a person who comes from privilege, he stumbles upon events that bestow him even more privilege and he acts entitled- so, so very entitled, during it all.

S: Yup, and then we get the part where Bumblebee pees on Agent Simmons.

O: [sighs]

S: [sighs]  It’s just like, whyyyyy?

O: Does this mean he's low on those fluids now?  Is Ratchet gonna have to top him off later? And why is that there?  I mean why does it exist at all sure, but specifically, why is it where a dick would be on a person!?!

S: Yeah, why is it framed like that?  From the perspective of the person being peed on?

O: [sighs] I don't know, but now that his friends are here Sam is going to be as douchey as possible because he orders Simmons to remove his pants.

S: And according to his under clothes or at least his undershirt, Sector Seven sells or has branded clothing items available for their agents.

O: The Autobots leave but, oh no!  They [the agents] were on the phone the whole time.

S: [sighs] Meaning, backup arrives shortly thereafter and the Autobots proceed to hide under a bridge.  Optimus carrying Mikaela and Sam in his arms.

O: Just putting this out there, but I too would like to be carried in Optimus’ big, strong arms.

S: Carried in his gentle, strong hands.  Though I mean, preferably G1 Optimus, or one of the other Optimuses.

O: Yeah, yeah, just not this Optimus.  I want the Optimus from Prime, he seems like a very calm, kind guy to give me a ride on her shoulders, that sounds nice.

S: I'll take G1 Optimus, he's a- he's very dad shaped.

O: He is the most dad shaped.

S: I'd also accept Animated Optimus.

O: Yeah... yeah, he seems nice.

S: Maybe Cyberverse, well I don't know.

O: He seems like, unsure dad shaped, and I can deal with that.

S: Yeah, and I'll leave out all the other Optimi.  Though maybe Optimus Primal might be good for a hug.

O: He would be great for a hug.  Unfortunately, they're not that much bigger than people so it would not be the same kind of ride in his big, strong arms.

S: [laughs] He’s more-

O: It still sounds nice but-

S: -more of a piggyback ride.

O: Yeah.

S: And to get away from our uh, hugging and carrying uh, discourse- there's just so many explosions happening right now.

O: Sure, don't worry about those roads or infrastructure, this is fine.

S: Oh no, Sam and Mikaela almost fell, but don't worry Optimus has slowed their descent with [laughs] his nice soft foot.

O: I guess that this is the one thing they kept from G1, huh?

S: Yeah.

O: [laugh]

S: And apparently Cybertronians are weak to ice and electricity now.  Except... didn't Ratchet think that the power-

O: Think that the electricity was nice?  I don't know, but Bumblebee gets the crap beaten out of him by the Sector Seven guys.

S: Oh my god, maybe Ratchet’s… [starts laughing]

O: Nope, nope, I think I know what went through your head and we’re not going there.  It was disturbing when Bee got hurt, okay!?!

S: [continued laughter with increasing volume]

O: [laughs] I mean I’m sure Drift would be into it, but that’s not the point!

S: [sustained laughter continues]

[The laughter is abruptly cut off as the screen cuts to a purple image with Starscream and Megatron getting caught up in an explosion, overlaid with the Decepticon logo variation used by Afterspark Podcast, with text reading, “WE ARE HAVING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES, PLEASE STAND BY.”  Elevator music plays in the background.]

[The screen returns to the normal screen with the episode information on it.]

S: [high pitched laughter continues]

[The laughter is cut off, and the same technical difficulties message and elevator music from before returns.]

[The screen returns to the normal screen with the episode information on it.]

S: I am under control again. [laughs]

O: ANYWAY, Bumblebee gets the crap beat out of him by the Sector Seven guys, it's more than a little disturbing.

S: Keep in mind that before this we really only had uh, G1 and Beast Wars as like, the main well-known Transformers things.  I mean maybe Beast Machines?

O: Eh, Beast Wars, Beast Machines, I end to count them together, since they're in the same continuity even though they're different series, but- but I know what you mean, sorry.

S: Yeah, it's just those ones would have been the ones that most people- that would have stuck out in like, the main- I don’t know, cultural hive mind, probably.  Cuz I don't think like, any of the animes would have made that much of a dent.

O: Yeah.

S: So uh, hopefully you enjoy watching your fav get tortured by the US government.

O: And the way this is framed, because Bee doesn't have a working voice box, really comes across that they're like, taking something from Sam.  Not that Sam is worried about his friend! Bee is just treated like property, by both the plot and the framing. And this is in such a stark contrast to the Bumblebee movie.  Where even though he couldn't talk, even though he was a CG character, he still felt like an actual character.

S: Yeah, in the Bumblebee movie, Bumblebee actually had an emotional arc.  When Charlie first sees him, she treats him like a person that needs care and kindness.  He- he still couldn't talk- like, he was immediately showing recognizable and understandable emotions.

O: And body language.

S: Mm-hmm, and then there's Bumblebee in this one where he can't talk, but he's just an asshole and he's gonna pee on things.

O: And you're my new best friend, and I'm gonna keep you safe, you know- just like a fucking guard dog.

S: [sighs]

O: Bee, story wise in relation to Sam, is treated more like a pet, and it is weird.

S: Yeah.  Simmons catches up with the two of them and Bee, continuing to be an asshole and taking another pot shot at Mikaela as they're being taken away.

O: And they're just going to ignore the other Autobots in the distance apparently.

S: Yep, they're still hiding under the bridge.  They're all tucked away under that bridge, which is apparently uh, enough to keep them from being spotted by helicopters.  Oh, and apparently the um- while the Autobots couldn't be bothered about the flower beds before, Optimus can see and gently pick up the plot glasses that Sam uh, well basically Sam lost them when they fell and Optimus caught them with his soft foot.

O: Yes.  And then army talk, army talk, army talk, boy let me tell ya... just how much I do not care.

S: And then the Secretary of Defense was apparently unaware of Sector Seven’s existence until now because he didn't need to know about them.

O: You know, copying Independence Day only with him instead of the president.

S: [sighs] Sector Seven is a special access division of the government created by President Hoover.  Hm...

O: And at Nellis Air Force Base, Lennox and his team are intercepted before they can head home.  Basically they're voluntold they're gonna help with this alien robot crisis.

S: Yup.  And the Secretary of Defense's meeting with the Sector Seven guys and intends to bring Maggie with them.

O: This whole scene feels very much like, “Yes, and…”  The Secretary of Defense wants Maggie to be his adviser, but when Glen asks if he is coming too and the Secretary of Defense asks, “Who is this?” Maggie just responds “He's my advisor,” and he [the Secretary of Defense] just goes with it, brings Glen along too.

S: Glen's getting the ride of a lifetime.

O: Yup!

S: I guess.

O: And finally, we get some of our separate plot threads to come together as Sam, Mikaela, Maggie, Glen, and the Secretary of Defense are now loaded up in the same helicopter and head to the Hoover Dam.

S: Weren't Maggie and the Secretary of Defense and Glen in goddamn Washington DC?

O: Yes.  Yeah.

S: Kill me now.

O: [laughs]

S: [sighs] Poor Mikaela, she just looks so tired and done with everything.

O: You just know she hasn't slept all night.

S: Honestly they probably got shoved in a holding cell, so no.

O: Yeah, and then shoved on a helicopter.

S: Yeah, here's some more Bumblebee tortured before cutting back to the Autobots talking about how they must go on and they can sense that the AllSpark is near.

O: With what?  Your bullshit radar!?!

S: Maybe they can sense it with their pheromone detectors.

O: Ratchet, what can your robot eye-

S: [laughs]

O: Ratchet what can your robot nose smell?  Frenzy is tiny, and up to shenanigans.

S: It's time to break into the Hoover Dam!

O: So just getting back to this, because the movie really, really wants to bring this home, Sam can't possibly go out with someone with a juvie record.  He wouldn't you know, want a date below his class, or marry below his class, or god forbid fuck below his class, right?

S: Sam you asshole.

O: Yup!

S: And boom, we have a Megatron.

O: Thanks, I hate it.

S: Still frozen, and presumably unconscious and offline.

O: Sector Seven’s been keeping him on ice for a while apparently.

S: Yeah, and apparently a good chunk of modern technological advancements since the thirties has been due to humans studying Megatron.  Oh god, now I'm just thinking about mechanical television. Did mechanical television come from Megatron?

O: Sure.  Sure. Why not, why not?  “Yes, and.”

S: Simmons continues to antagonize the group.  Who...who isn't a jackass in this group?

O: [sighs] Like, look, I don't like Sam but maybe Simmons, as the fucking adult needs to get his dick out of his hands and stop getting into Sam's personal space.  It's creepy!

S: Honestly, a lot of the adult men in this movie are just creepy.

O: Yeah.

S: I mean, Lennox and Epps and the soldiers-

O: Aren’t-

S: - don’t seem to be creepy but...

O: Yeah.

S: Most of them, most of them-

O: Yeah, like his dad is shitty like... well- I guess Glen and the Secretary of Defense aren't bad?

S: Yeah, but they don't get a whole lot of screen time and also one of them's over 60.

O: That’s also true.  Anyway, it is explained that the AllSpark was hidden and that they built the Hoover Dam around it.

S: How did the Native Americans in the area not know about it?

O: Maybe it was underwater?  If it was visible they absolutely would have but I wouldn't put it past the Army or Sector Seven, or whoever, to conveniently ignore that fact.

S: But, um, would have been a river before the dam was put in and-

O: Obviously, Specs, you’re forgetting how deep rivers are.

S: The fact that you actually spent time looking to attempt to look this up-

O: I tried, and I could not find a straight answer! [laughs]

S: Well, it’s not exactly like they were going around do river measuring in that time period is it?

O: No... I’m still sad I couldn't find a straight answer though.

S: And I mean, who knows, maybe they accidentally made it a huge afterward.

O: I- I do think that would legitimately be funny, is like, some scientist poked it the wrong way and now it's like, “Oops, it just takes up the entire hanger now, sorry guys.”

S: [laughs] It’s like, “Oh shit.  Oh shit, I'm glad it didn't crush me.”

O: Yeah.

S: [sigh] The AllSpark just has random powers.

O: Frenzy now has a body again.

S: Yeah, Frenzy, uh- Frenzy was taken along this entire time in Mikaela's bag, I think?

O: Yeah, pretty much.  Like, he got out of her bag and sort of crawled into Hoover- the Hoover Dam.

S: Yeah, and he's able to signal the rest of the Decepticons with the Megatron's location and then we get to see them finally begin to mobilize.

O: And now, an hour and 40 minutes into this movie, we have a Starscream.  There is no power on heaven or Earth that can make me believe that that is his holoform.  Mark my words, I don't care if IDW never gave him the holoform, but his holoform form would be female, and no one can stop me.

S: [sighs] And then more on the AllSpark’s plethora of abilities, apparently they can use it to turn random electronics into Transformers.  Which... the Autobots would probably consider kind of horrifying, because these are babies and now the babies are dead.

O: Yep.

S: Simmons proceeds to demo this for us by taking Glen's cell phone and zapping it's to life.

O: I will forever be confused for this, why does it seem like the AllSpark always makes stuff that's evil?

S: I mean it's a baby.

O: I know, but it has red optics, I feel like we have to assume it's a Decepticon.

S: Maybe the Decepticons are the last people who had it if they'd programmed it for red optics-

O: [laughs] So you’re telling me it’s stuck on the make evil setting?  Got it.

S: It’s possible!  I don't know how this works, and it’s not like we're gonna get a demonstration of it later, considering what happens.

O: Yeah, yeah…

S: And Simmons proceeds to kill this little phone Transformer by basically electrocuting the shit out of it.

O: We create life, then we kill it, but we're the good guys remember!  And now, finally, Dorito-scream has been achieved!

S: It's just so triangular.

O: I don't know why Starscream looks like a giant flying Dorito in this-

S: It might-

O: -but I find it hilarious.

S: It might be his color scheme… partially.

O: He doesn’t really have a color scheme.

S: Yes, but-

O: It’s just he’s so triangular!

S: Yes, but he's also kind of beige.

O: Eh, you’re right, that doesn’t really help things.  Uh, Frenzy manages to take out the power for Sector Seven’s facilities.

S: How does a dam lose power considering in generates power?

O: I don’t know, Specs.

S: Sorry, I mean, I guess it's possible that he could, like basically prevent water from going through the dam by freezing something, but…

O: I think he actually just started destroying the mechanical stuff, so like the generators and stuff.  It's now time to defrost our Decepticon warlord on high.

S: Frenzy is getting busy in the control room again- again blowing all of the shit up, and then all of the scientists in the main bay when Megatron is being held seem like, super unfazed by the deep thaw that's starting.

O: You guys need to run.  I have zero doubts that Megatron won't kill you out of sheer spite.

S: Yup.  Did you know that there was a whole armoury of bullshit under the Hoover Dam?  Because of all- the soldiers are like, “Pass the guns! Give me that buffet of guns and ammo!”

O: And Lennox is kind of done with Simmons, because uh, yeah uh, violence is uh, implied. I'm so glad that this movie is all violence, no character development, or emotions, or feelings  We don't have feeling Specs, because we are sex having heterosexual men! Hetero men who have sex with women, never mind that G1 is one of the least straight things I've ever seen in my life!

S: To be fair to the soldiers they did not sign up for this bullshit, and then they got dragged into and all they wanted to do was go home.

O: And-and look, I would be pretty upset about being shoved into the same room as Agent Simmons.  So yeah, I can't blame them too much.

S: Yeah.

O: They go to retrieve Bumblebee.

S: And Sam's like, “Stop electrocuting my car!”  Not even, “Stop electrocuting that guy.” “Stop electrocuting my car.”

O: Of course!  And Bumblebee just gives a him a look like, “Dude, I have had the shittiest day.”

S: Yup, and poor dude is like, super jumpy and paranoid but I mean who wouldn't- who wouldn't be?

O: I- yeah, I mean considering he was tortured all night- he's got ever right!  I still legitimately don't know what catching Bee accomplished!

S: I don't think it accomplished shit except getting him to this location, which I guess was the plot contrivance.  And now we've got the magical size changing cube.  As Bumblebee touches the AllSpark and like, pokes it a bit and then suddenly it is like hand-sized, for him.

O: Even their spark of life can mass shift apparently.

S: Oh god. [snickers] It's from a planet of shapeshifters.  Apparently mass shifting is just what this stupid thing does.

O: Apparently.

S: Everybody can just understand Bee now, this is fine.  And, oh, Bee’s been talking in like, radio and music references this entire time, and I don't think we ever mentioned that.

O: [laughs] You're right I don't think we did.  He isn't talking normally, he's using recordings.

S: He talks TV, basically.

O: Pretty much. Well, asshole’s up!  “This is not where I fell asleep, I'll have you know!”

S: He’s a lot less uh, he's a lot less of a morning person than Skyfire was.

O: [laughs]

S: Skyfire was much more genteel about the entire thing.

O: [laughs]

S: Megatron's a jet in this, so we’re- you know just so we're all on the same page here.  He meets up with his second-in-command Dorito-san.

O: [laughing] Dorito-san!?!

S: [laughing] Sorry... He meets up with his second-in-command, you know, the Dorito.

B: [laugh]

O: There's some groveling that happens.  Megatron tells Starscream he's disappointed in him and all I can think is- he didn't even do anything yet!

S: Apparently he couldn't find Megatron, which I guess is what he's disappointed in.

O: I guess?  “Do you realize I had to listen to... Francois talk about his- his terrible wife for three weeks, do you realize that [Starscream]!?!”

S: Simmons, the Secretary of Defense, Maggie, and Glen uh, remain behind when everyone else heads out to go to... stuff.  So while everyone else is going and doing stuff the- [sighs] the dam crew, that's what I'm going to call them.

O: [laughs] Okay, okay, I’m here for this.

S: They attempt to contact the Air Force, to try and get some you know, backup for Bee and company.

O: They do this by using some very antiquated equipment, because the Cons have knocked out most communication worldwide.

S: Which is not explored in this movie, let alone any others.

O: Yeah, because this would be like a thing that should affect everybody.

S: Yes, there goes-

O: Or at least everybody in the in the US.

S: Yeah, frankly I'm kind of- well, no, apparently landlines don't work and I don't understand why.

O: I don't either.

S: But yeah, cuz this- this would have wiped out... literally every communication except apparently shortwave radio.  But apparently, yeah, shortwave radio will still work. Which is what they're attempting to use here. They get the brilliant idea to hotwire a computer to transmit a tone through a radio signal, while they're trying to hold off Frenzy who is trying to get into the room that they're- that they’ve holed themselves up in.  Which... it's a weird, weird room.

O: It is, but now back to how sexy the cars are!  Look at the car, so sexy!

S: Why is everything so orange?  I will bemoan the orange!

O: We can’t have no girly colors in here conveying emotions, Specs!  Look at the cars!

S: [sighs] And the Autobots immediately join up with Bee, it's convoy time!

O: [attempts to sing] We're gonna roll this truckin convoy- oh god that’s the right tune.  I even looked it up!

S: Oh!  I've got it on my phone.

[The audio cuts and “Convoy,” by C. W. McCall plays]

B: [singing] “We have a little ol’ convoy, burning through the night!  Yeah, we got a little convoy. Ain't she a beautiful sight? Come on and join our convoy!  Ain't nothin' gonna get in our way. We gonna roll this truckin' convoy 'cross the U-S-A. Convoy!”

[The audio cuts as a record scratch noise plays]

O: That’s enough of a music break!

B: [laugh]

S: Ah, Maggie and company began to arm themselves with some of the older guns um, from the display cases in the room they're stuck in.

O: Oh yeah, I'm sure those will shoot just fine!

S: Where did they even find the ammo or…?

O: Yeah!  Because why would the ammo be stored with most of the stuff that's on display?

S: I mean that thing- I mean like, having the ammo for interest but yeah, why would they have ammo or even gun powder in this room?  [quietly] I don’t know. [normal volume] And then it's back to Bee again.

O: Wow, I just don't care!  Even the G1 episodes, where they were constantly swapping back and forth between a bunch of different scenes, are better than this.

S: Those typically have more things happening in them.

O: Surprisingly, yes.  I'd much rather watch Megatron throw shit at Starscream.

S: Honestly, that's more cohesive.

O: And that is saying something.

S: Okay, so one of the Decepticons, Bonecrusher, catches up with the Bots and Optimus transforms into a robot mode to protect the others.

O: He just seems like such an asshole here, they're literally fighting on a highway.  There are so many people that must die here!

S: Yeah, I mean, I'm kind of amused by how it looks like their roller-skating but that doesn't exactly take away from the- oh, there's a terrifying robot deathmatch and so many people are dying.

O: Yeah and but- but thanks Bay!  I'm so glad that this one kid and his mom survived.  Thanks for that.

S: God, so many people probably need therapy in this universe.

O: I would think so.

S: Frenzy is now in the vents.

O: Good boy, you go get ‘em!  Even if the B team is definitely the better… group.

S: He comes out and falls so straight onto a glass case, uh-

O: That's my boy!

B: [laugh]

S: Like, he's using shuriken things, like he was using a shuriken things before, but now he's been like boomerang- boomeranging shit around and he accidentally beheads himself with his boomerang shuricane- shuriken thingy.

O: That's my boy! [laughs] So interestingly (to me anyway), it seems like this- the movie series uh, kind of made the whole- the whole integrated weapon thing for the Transformers more common.  I know you saw it a bit in G1, but it seemed kind of inconsistent in either how it worked or what weapons they had. Ironhide, just Ironhide, right?

S: Mm-hm.

O: Um, but- but this made it more consistent, like especially in Prime you- you saw that consistency and thought applied to the weapons and how that- they access them throughout the entire series, which was really nice.

S: It was also pretty consistent with Animated, which I think came out around the same time as this movie though I don't remember if it was prior to the movie being released or afterward.  

[TFA was released in December of 2007, whereas the first Transformers live action film had been released in July 2007. ~O]

O: Well, and I mean, either, or- either the movie borrowed from it, or it borrowed from the movie with Megatron kind of being that thing that advanced tech for-

S: Yeah.

O: -for humanity, which was just kind of weird, but yeah.

S: Or they both borrowed it from the comics, and then just made it consistent because they do have pretty integrated weaponry in the original Marvel comics.

O: That- that's true I-I meant- I thought you meant the uh, Megatron being- being why we had any technological advancement-

S: Oh-

O: -and I was really confused for a good minute.

S: No, no, no, no, sorry, just the-the integrated weaponry.

O: Fair.

S: Though [laughs] Animated did that Megatron’s the reason that they have-

O: Yeah!  That- that like, New Detroit or Detroit has like all this like, amazing tech.

S: Our convoy enters Mission City, and prepares to hold off the Decepticons to prevent them from getting the AllSpark.

O: Why did they bring this into a city?

S: I don't know, no one explains their shitty decisions here.

O: It gets weirder because apparently, when they were writing or making the movie there- they originally have thought to have the climax in the Grand Canyon.  Which seems like that would make a lot more sense? Like, sure, there's less coverage per se, but way less civilian life in danger!

S: It would have also involved like, immense environmental destruction but that’s not something they would have been concerned about.

O: I just don’t see- I don't see how that would have been more work then the city.

S: They may have had issues actually getting- well no, they could have done it all in green screen but…

O: Anyway, we've contacted the Air Force, so the dam team has succeeded.

S: [laughs]

O: Uh, Lennox and his dudes communicate what they need.

S: Oh honey, that's not the Air Force.  That's really not the Air Force.

O: But only Ironhide seems to realize it's actually Starscream that's approaching.

S: Bee uses a random... well, it's got a Furby on it, so it's the Furby delivery truck as cover.

O: Starscream shoots said truck and send everyone flying.  Everyone else is covered in dirt and grime here- and I mean technically so is Mikaela, but she has an almost angelic glow about her when she wakes up in a pile of rubble looking at Sam.  Sam also has an angelic glow because remember, he gonna hit that.

S: [sharp intake of breath] Uh-huh, Bumblebee has lost his legs in the last attack.

O: And Bumblebee is basically half a bot, let's keep that in our back pocket for later shall we?

S: Yeah.  Mikaela being the badass lady that she is like, “ We're gonna move Bee!  We're going to get this done!” And proceeds to break into and hotwire a tow truck to do just that.

O: Go Mikaela. Bee gives the AllSpark to Sam and conveys to him that he should go on without him basically.

S: And then another Decepticon um, Demolisher, shows up and uh, Ironhide, Ratchet and Jazz engage him.  And I think Demolisher’s a tank?

O: Yeah… and I think that one [the tank] was Demolisher?  I think this is something that really frustrates me about Sam though,  so much what happening- what is happening around him seems rooted in the sense of self sacrifice, but yet he doesn't ever have to sacrifice anything?

S: Like, the only things that he might theoretically have to sacrifice could be his life.  And he never does that, he's never even like, even remotely close to doing something like that except by accident.

O: Exactly.

S: By like, falling off a building.

O: Yeah, like it's never, “I'm going to-,” it never feels like, “I am going to choose to do this thing.”

S: Yeah, and then random boob and ass shot from some random lady who's in danger.

O: And I'm not judging her for what she's wearing, but you just know she got put in that outfit and put into that shot for one reason which was titillation and I'm like, did you have to?  In a movie about giant robots, did you have to?

S: It's only theoretically about giant robots, you know it's about Sam-

O: [sighs] Yeah...

S: and his boner.

O: [quietly] Boner of fate.

S: [high pitched laughter]

[The laughter is abruptly cut off as the screen cuts to a purple image of one of the Conehead Seekers in a t-rex’s jaws, overlaid with the Decepticon logo variation used by Afterspark Podcast, with text reading, “WE ARE HAVING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES, PLEASE STAND BY.”  Elevator music plays in the background.]

[The screen returns to the normal screen with the episode information on it.]

S: Megatron lands, and you know, shouts his own name.

O: Why are you- why did he do that!?!  Is he a Pokemon now? “Megatron! MEGATRON!” [laughs]

S: He’s got to announce his presence.

O: [still laughing] Obviously!

S: Poor Jazz attacks Megatron, and Megatron grabs him before flying off and landing on top of a building.

O: And then he rips Jazz in two.

S: Poor Jazz will not survive this.

O: Remember what I said earlier?

S: About Bee?

O: Yeah. [sighs] You- you brought up a good point prior, technically Bee only lost his legs from the knee down, but I'm just gonna say, they are giant fucking robots and I still don't feel like Jazz should have died here.  Also, according to the TF Wiki there was some point during development when Megatron was going to literally, not figuratively, literally, eat other bots’ sparks, so if that had been what had happened- Jazz being dead would have made a lot more sense!

S: How in a movie about alien freaking robots does Bay manage to kill the metaphorical black guy first?  Why?

O: I don't know why he killed anyone here!  We've barely gotten to see the robots at all!

S: Apparently, we have to make uh, make there be some sort of... I don't know, people are dying, this stuff is really real.  Except... no, they use the guy who's- basically Jazz's speech patterns are close- are I don't know, AAVE? American… African-American Vernacular, I think?

O: Eh, it’s- he's coded African American because of his speech patterns-

S: Yeah.

O: -is probably, how I would know-

S: The way, yes-

O: -the best way to say it?  And I'm just super sorry if that's not accurate.

S: Yeah, we- we apologize if this is inaccurate and offends anyone.  It isn't our intention.

O: Yeah.  But- but yeah, like effectively, [sighs] he, ugh, it’s just literally he- he killed the black guy.  I know he's not literally a black guy, but- but that is how he has been characterized.

S: That's just... that's how it feels.

O: Yeah.

S: And back to Dumbass McGee.  Sam is tasked with taking the AllSpark to the top of this building, so that they can hand it off to the Air Force.

O: Did they miss the whole Megatron and Starscream have jet alts bit?

S: I'm gonna go with, yes.

O: Apparently, okay.  Just checking.

S: Everyone is a very, very disrespectful, like they're fucking disrespectful as fuck to Mikaela and no one gives Sam shit but Mikaela trying to get Bee out of the way invites comments.

O: Golly, I wonder why!

S: And Optimus finally arrives.

O: What took him so long!?!

S: He got lost!  He fell off a highway and wasn't sure which way everyone else went, and also, with all the you know, internet and Wi-Fi and everything knocked out, he didn't have any GPS.

O: [laughs] That is the best excuse- that’s the best explanation I've heard. Headcannon accepted!

S: It’s not like he's driven around there before, and I don't think he has Ratchet’s nose. [laughs]

O: No, no, no, nope, uh-hm-

S: [continues laughing]

O: - nope that’s it, I’m leaving!

S: [continues laughing]

O: I’m done, I’me done! [unintelligible] -of Ratchet’s nose!

S: [continues laughing]

[A door slams]

S: [continues laughing]

[The laughter is abruptly cut off as the screen cuts to a purple image of Soundwave being thrown into a rocket, overlaid with the Decepticon logo variation used by Afterspark Podcast, with text reading, “WE ARE HAVING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES, PLEASE STAND BY.”  Elevator music plays in the background.]

[The screen returns to the normal screen with the episode information on it.]

S: And then Megatron shows up, transforming into robot mode.

O: So I don’t hate his alt exactly, but I just can't help but think Prime did this better.  Of course his voice was better too, but what do I know!?! Sorry, is my salt showing? Seriously though, I find it funny that both damn times that go to make a Transformers movie, they- they get Cullen to do Optimus, but they don't get Welker to Megatron.  Only to have Welker either return to do the character in the TV show or later in the movie series. Although it's kind of funny cuz they took him out in the movie and had somebody else play Galvatron and it's the exact opposite in the live-action, where once Galvatron shows up Welker is doing him.  The irony.

S: That is funny.  And then Megatron and Optimus fight.

O: Finally!  We get some of that homoerotic fighting this series is so known for!  He's sitting on Optimus punching him, yep.

S: Except a lot of this is done in a shaky cam so..

O: Yeah, so it's still terrible but eh, I mean, at least we're getting... sexual tension now?

B: [laugh]

S: And Sam is somehow running faster than the robots, how???  They have a wider stride.

O: Dunno, but it’s the return of Dorito-scream!

S: And Ironhide tells Sam to run, like he wasn't already doing that.

O: Mikaela however, is a stone cold badass.

S: Her and Bee enter the fray, with her driving backwards and Bee doing all the shooting and fighting.  “I'll drive, you shoot,” indeed.

O: I really feel like they bond here, but we never get to see him be as good friends with her as he is with Sam which seems really shitty.  This scene had actual feelings! Emotions! Characters vibing with each other, dammit! Mikaela's like, “I'm scared, but I can help you and I know you want to help,” and I am here for that.

S: Yeah, they're actually working together instead of Sam who so far has uh, either been chasing the car, or being chased by the car, or possibly driving the car.

O: But not actually driving the car, like all movie.

S: Yeah.  Sam gets up on the roof and uh, manages to set off a flare.

O: But Starscream is RIGHT THERE, so the helicopter gets shot down before they can retrieve the AllSpark.

S: God, there is such a body count in this movie.

O: Right!?!  But it's fine because Sam and his penis, I mean hec-

S: [laughs]

O: Sam and his boner, I mean Sam and his not girlfriend survive.

S: Ugh, Optimus attempts to reach Sam.

O: And doesn't try to stop the falling helicopter at all.

S: It doesn't have the thing he wants.

O: [It’s] so fucked up.

S: Megatron reaches the roof and demands that Sam hands over the AllSpark.

O: Megatron then asks if it's courage or fear that compels him, which I will say- fear!  Obviously! The man has never known courage in his entire life!

S: Sam is- well, ok, so the entire time this exchange was going on, Sam was like, holding on to like, the front or back of this statue that's up on the roof.

O: Mm-hmm.

S: And, uh, basically Sam, and I think the statue, get knocked off the building.  But don't worry, Optimus catches him with his big soft hands.

O: Obviously.  Also, we see Optimus’ battle mask, it's something that was kind of neat.  An interesting idea when done WELL, like say, Prime or even Animated! You can pray this soap box for my COLD DEAD HANDS.

S: It's also not bad Cyberverse, but that's significantly newer.

O: Yeah, but it would be pulling from the other two.

S: Yeah.  And, um, how are people still driving around in this city?  Wasn't- well, I mean, there wouldn't- well, okay, I guess... there may be people who haven't gotten the memo about the giant robot war.

O: I just feel like, maybe they would have seen the smoke, or the explosions, and decided driving would be bad, but I don’t know…

S: I don't know how well sound travels in this city.

O: Who knows.  Optimus and Megatron both hit the street and seem to need a few seconds to shake the fall off, despite Sam being perfectly fucking fine.

S: That makes zero sense.  Humans are, uh... special.

O: [sighs] Optimus tells Sam that if he can't defeat Megatron, then Sam needs to push the AllSpark into Optimus’ chest- to make sure Megs doesn't get it.

S: Like, this is actually something that I think Optimus has said before?

O: Yeah, he- he said it to the Autobots earlier and- and Ratchet was like, “That might kill ya both!  Dumbass.”

S: Yeah.

O: Only without the dumbass-

S: I think-

O: -that’s my addition.  I know how to write Ratchet talking better than this movie does.  Fight me. [laughs]

S: Optimus just seems kind of suicidal at this point.

O: I mean… yeah.  He does not seem happy.

S: Yeah.

O: I mean, like, look, I can't think anybody would be happy in the middle of war or anything, but at least feel like G1 Optimus probably has moments.  Prime Optimus probably at least loves his team, to some capacity. Animated Optimus loves his team. As for as much as they drive him nuts.

S: [laughs]

O: This Optimus?  I don't think there's a single thing, a single spark of joy in this mech’s life.

S: Yeah, and back to the Decepticons, it’s Blackout time.

O: I kind of like how its rotors look like a cape when he transforms.

S: They wiggle.

O: THEY WIGGLE.

S: I- I enjoy the wiggly cape and it-

O: I do too!

S: And it’s- it’s helicopter rotors are like that.

O: Yeah, like, you kind of see with Blades a little bit in Rescue Bots too.

S: Yeah, he's a wiggly boy.  Lennox and company are able to defeat Blackout with some help from the Air Force.

O: Do they kill him with shot to the crotch?

S: [laughs] That’s entirely possible.

O: [laughs]

S: Lennox, I think, ends up taking... I don't know, the thing with- cuz-

O: They like- he slides underneath him and shoots.  So I’m like, “Did you kill him with a shot to the robo dick?”

S: [laughs]

O: Really?  Is that the Decepticons’ weakness?  That’s good to know. Optimus, aim there!

B: [laugh]

S: Oh, um, and so... basically, there's apparently a particular type of round that they have to use. Tha- it's like, a Sabot-something or other at that-

O: I don’t remember.

S: Yeah.

O: And I didn't- I didn't actually write it down because it was not important enough to me, sorry.

S: Yeah.

O: [laughs]

S: Starscream takes out a good chunk of the military reinforcements and so like, at one point one of the soldiers is like, “Friendlies don't fly under building height,” or whatever.

O: They proceed to fly in the building height a few scenes later.

S: Yeah, while…

O: Starscream is transforming in and out of jet mode to take them out.

S: Yes, so yeah, there's- god, there is so much mortality going on here.  Cuz there's like, multiple planes going down-

O: Uh-huh

S: -in the middle of this inner city area.

O: And like, I will say, and we both comm- or I think you commented on like- it is a- it's a good fight like, for how Starscream would fight.

S: Yeah.

O: Because he’s sort of constantly shifting back and forth.

S: Yeah, I think he's choosing good aerial tactics for what he is.

O: He is and it’s really neat, actually.

S: Yeah, that was pretty cool.  From a mortality from human perspective point that's horrifying but...

O: That’s true.  Elsewhere, Megatron and Optimus continue to fight but Optimus is definitely losing.

S: Yeah, and so, Sam's been underfoot I guess, the entire time?

O: And he hasn't been squished.

S: Yeah.

O: Pity.

S: So instead of shoving the cube into Optimus’ chest he shoves it into Megatron's, because apparently Megatron’s spark is just out there on display… somehow?

O: Shit!  We don't know what that does!  What if he accidentally gave him immortality or something!?!

S: Apparently that didn't happen, cuz it seems- apparently that killed Megatron and like destroyed the cube???

O: Ahh?  [laughs]

S: And now Ironhide is walking around carrying both halves of Jazz's corpse like... babies in the crook of his arms.  Before handing them all over to Optimus.

O: That’s not awkward at ALL! [laughs]

S: Sam, Mikaela, and Bee reunite.

O: Exposition by the Secretary of Defense lets us know that the President has ordered the end of Sector Seven and all the Decepticon remains have been dropped into the Linares Trench where the cold and water pressure should keep them entombed.

[I don’t know if we misheard this when we were watching the movie or what, but according to TF Wiki it was the Laurentian Abyss, I’m really not sure where we got Linares from. ~O]

S: [sighs] Later, at yet another sunset, um…

O: [laughs] There's so many of those in this movie!  Optimus Prime closes out the movie, leaving us with a message of questionable hope and alerting any remaining Autobots that they may come to Earth.

S: We'll see some of them in the next movie.  Um...

O: But this is all while Sam and Mikaela are getting hot and heavy on top of Bumblebee’s windshield.

S: Yup.  That's- that's a person guys!  Maybe don't make out on top of him unless this is some sort of really weird three-way.  Which, ok, maybe not so weird if they're into that, but I don't think they discussed it.

O: [laughs] All the other Autobots in the background are totally watching too, so it just sort of feels like, extra level of creepy.

S: Yeah.  It really does.  I'm just shaking my head.  And um-

O: That's this movie in a nutshell, man.

S: The credits roll as the incredibly soothing tones of Linkin Park uh, they- they play and they escort us out of this movie.

O: So let mercy come, except for Decepticons because they don't deserve it according to this movie.

S: A few other scenes are cut into the credits.

O: Mostly involving Sam's parents.

S: It's really unimportant.

O: We do see Starscream escape into space though.

S: So, what are our conclusions?

O: Watching the Bumblebee movie and the entirety of Transformers Prime will get you everything that was pleasant about this movie and be a more enjoyable experience.  Maybe go do that instead? The Prime designs even seem at least loosely based on some of the live-action designs, you know some of the elements [of them] that I actually liked.  Real talk? It introduced some interesting concepts, but overall I hated it pretty much the entire time I was watching it. Specs?

S: I would have preferred to see a different movie, perhaps involving some of these characters but not all of them.  Um, specifically I would have liked to see something starring Mikaela, Maggie, Glen, and Miles. Miles would have definitely been like, just you know, the random straight man who has no idea what the hell's going on.  While the other three are hyper- well they're all hyper competent at something, and then the soldiers could have been interesting secondary characters too.

But you know, there were really too many characters in this movie for anyone to have a complete character arc. So it would work better with a smaller cast, maybe just focusing on the first four that I mentioned?  Either that or having a TV series with the soldiers coming in as liaisons with the military kind of like Fowler from Prime. Some sort of buddy comedy with the first four or just a more- actually, something with more of the tone of Prime as a TV series-

O: Yeah.

S: - would have- would have worked well.

O: So like, what robots would you want to see in that?

S: Uh, I mean, if I was going to keep the Bayverse robots... I just want to see more characterization from them and better writing.  But if I could have any character, G1 based Ratchet, uh, maybe Hot Rod or Bumblebee for you know, kid appeal.  If I was gonna pick between live-action Bumblebees, I'd go with the Bumblebee [movie] Bumblebee.

O: Yeah, he was definitely better.

S: A G1 based Wheeljack, Cyberverse Grimlock.  Uh, if it was something that was gonna be more lighthearted, maybe the Rescue Bots, particularly Blades.  Cuz I would like a flight frame in there.

O: Yeah.

S: And… so- Optimus, even if he's only someone who shows uh, sometimes?

O: Periodically, yeah.

S: Optimus would be good.  If this was going to be a heavier thing, keep the Rescue Bots off.  And, I mean, if we're going- going back to the Bayverse thing, if we're going to stick with Bayverse Autobots, just give them screen time and character development.  And also Bayverse Arcee, specifically, the design for the toy from the first movie, even if she was pink.

O: Fair.

S: But as it stands, [sighs] the Bayverse Autobots in this movie are just... Optimus is impatient, Ironhide really likes his guns, Rachet is tactless, and Bumblebee is immature.  And then Jazz is the only person who seemed to actually learn about human social customs in some- in some manner. He doesn't destroy as much shit as everyone else.

O: Yeah, Jazz was definitely the best one.

S: He was!  And then he- then they killed him, he died!  It’s just like, why did you do that?

B: [sigh]

S: If you're going to have characters, please give them screen time and don't kill them.

O: What a concept!  I guess that leaves me to fill out the Cons for this cast.  Uh, Megatron obviously, uh, G1 or Prime. Probably Prime if I had to pick one because they- again, I feel like the Prime characters lend themselves reasonably well to a more, kind of realistic plot.  Soundwave, probably Prime, again feel like he fits better into this. Uh, he needs some of the cassettes though, which Prime didn't really have, but I definitely want Ravage, cuz I love Ravage. Uh, Knockout because he's fun, and snarky.  Um, it's not Cons without a Starscream, so Starscream. But similar what you said, I would literally take just fleshing out the Cons in the Bayverse, because they had so little screenshin- screenshine?

S: [laughs]

O: They had so little screen time, and just no personality, and it was just... depressing!

S: The most screen time that we had for any of them would be Blackout at the beginning, where he's basically just shooting things-

O: Yeah, but he didn't even have any lines!

S: Yeah, and then…

O: Like, in fact, so few of them had lines!

S: Yeah.

O: Like, the way- even the Decepticons, most of the time when they talk, they talked in Cybertronian even.

S: Yeah.

O: And it was translated, it was just like, “On our way,” or, “Megatron has been found.”  It wasn't even- it wasn't character, it was just a statement!

S: Yeah, like none of them had personality and that’s just so disappointing.

O: It really is.

S: [sighs] And it's- we have fanfiction recommendations.

O: Yeah, I know we didn't do this with the other specials but because there is actually fanfic based on the live-action stuff, we kind of thought it was more applicable here.

S: Alright, so the first one is, “The Princess is in Another Castle,” by Bibliotecaria_D.  It's in the mov- the Bayverse continuity, obviously. Uh, rating, PG-13. It's got- it has past slash, so it's not a general fic.  Parings, uh, past Mikaela Banes and Sam Witwicky. Um, characters, Mikaela Banes. And in summary, “Mikaela Banes is waiting” That's- that's the long and short of the summary folks.

O: [laughs]

S: But it's really good!  It’s-

O: It's basically... what did happen to Mikaela, after her and Sam broke up?  And it- and it feels like this very good character development thing for her and it feels- it feels good to read.  Like it feels like- yes, this feels like something the character would have done and it it really gives her more depth than the movies ever did.

S: More depth and agency.

O: Agency, she has goals- that aren’t Sam oriented.

S: Um-hm.

O: It's really nice, I really recommend it.

S: I should reread it it's been a while.

O: I do recommend it like, I’ve read it multiple times because I thought it was really good.

S: Yeah.  So the the rec for it is Mikaela and it's a one shot.  And so our next one is- would you like to talk about it or would you prefer me?

O: I'm gonna talk about it, and I'll kind of explain why I maybe can't give the best in-depth explanation of it.  But uh, our other fanfic suggestion is, “Towards Peace”. It is by ariealbots, the continuity is Bay movies, if- they bring in elements of IDW, it's rated T.  It is slash, but believe me when I say I'm not gonna read this entire list. I'll just tell you kind of the top ones are Megatron/Optimus, Megatron/Ultra Magnus, Optimus Prime/Shockwave, Mikaela Banes/Bumblebee/Sam Whitwicky- so they actually are a trine in this like, they're- they're a poly relationship-

S: Um-hm.

O: -as far as I can tell.  Um, characters... there are so many!  I- like, it would have been absurd for me to try to list them all but basically the Bayverse cast, you get elements of some of the IDW characters thrown in, like Verity.  You get some of the Bumblebee characters thrown in like you actually get Charlie. Um, and they're pairing up essentially with all the bots that are still on Earth and it's really- it's really great cuz I think Charlie gets uh, teamed up with Skyfire?  So like, the- the Russian jet not like the Skyfire from G1.

S: Oh, the guy for the second movie?

O: Yes!  Like-

S: That’s Jetfire.

O: Jetfire, thank you!  I knew the name wasn’t exactly the same and I kept forgetting.  Skyfire actually shows up as a separate character in this and he's more based off G1 and IDW.  But yeah, she- she sort of is paired up with Jetfire and- and it's really lovely and I like it. [laughs]

[Okay, to make this all the more confusing, he’s called Jetstorm in this particular fic, so I just got this wrong in all the ways.  ~O]

S: Except he's not Russian in the second one he's an SR-71 Blackbird.

O: He has a Russian accent.

S: Ah, ok.

O: I don't know why-

S: Well-

O: Like- like it it makes more sense when I read it but-

S: Okay.

O: But anyway in summary, heh, “At the climax of the Battle of Mission City the AllSpark is pushed into Megatron's chest and instead of killing him it does what it was made for, it transforms.  After millennia of slow descent into madness brought by programming corruption the Lord Protector Megatron finds his mind suddenly restored but the memory of what he's done cannot be washed away.  With the war brought to a violent halt both Autobots and Decepticons must learn to coexist if they want to reunite their civilization and restore their dying world.”

S: I like that summary.

O: It's... good and obviously it's because, Bayverse, and it took place right after the first movie so I wanted to recommend it here.  Um, it is multi chapter, it's still ongoing, which is kind of my caveat usually I don't like recommending things unless they’re finished.  And I actually have a hard time following this one- reading it, partially because I have a hard time telling any of the Bayverse bots apart.

Like, I think, I'm actually gonna have an easier time reading it now, now that I had to like, sit down and fucking disect the Bayverse movie, so I'm gonna be really happy to go back and read it.  Um, I think it's pretty safe to assume a bunch of the pairings are like past and stuff, because like, I- I haven't seen hide nor hair of Ultra Magnus yet. Um, but- but anyway it's- it is good and like, the stuff I've read I described it as like, having this very kind of sweet pervasive kindness to it and softness to it which was really nice.  Uh, it was done as part of a Big Bang, I think?

S: Hmm…

O: The Big Bang event.  Like I said, they're not finished yet but I'm interested to see what they do and- and I'd liked a few of the like, characters and relationships particularly kind of with the humans and whatever kind of bot or bots they're kind of closest with.

Like I said with Charlie I'm pretty sure it was uh, Jetfire.  I think Verity might have actually been with Barricade, don't quote me on that because I could totally be wrong but- but I liked it, like it was good on that level.  Um, it's just I'm like, I haven't finished it yet and I haven't even read the most recent stuff so I'm always a little hesitant to recommend stuff I haven't finished reading so you know, with a grain of salt.  But I like what I read.

S: I’m going to have to go look at that, because it does sound nice.

O: It- it- just… I love that a concept.  God forbid, I cannot keep the Bayverse characters straight to save my life.  Uh, Jazz comes back to life though. [laughs]

S: Nice.

O: Because Megatron basically start- like he- he touches Jazz and so Jazz is better now.  “I got better!”

S: [laughs]

O: Uh, but- but he can also sense where like, a lot of the living Cybertronians are so like that's how they actually- they actually go get Skyfire who is in the Arctic in this uh, fanfic so you know, but- but it's good.  Uh... oh! Thundercracker and Skywarp are in it so you have the full- you have a full Dorito trine. Um-

B: [laugh]

O: I like my Doritos in multiple flavors, thank you very much! [laughs]

S: Cool ranch and I'm not sure what the hell Skywarp would be.

O: Uh, cheesy?

B: [laugh]

O: Anyway, happy holidays everyone and thank you for tuning in.  It's been a wild year and we're excited to keep talking about these ridiculous robots.  We will be taking a break for the rest of this month and January to enjoy the holidays but we'll be back in February with episode 26, “Attack of the Autobots!” Oh god, the Ark's only got two beds and there's about to be problems.

S: Oh my god, they were all roommates.

B: [laugh]

S: They are!

O: You’re not wrong, per se...

S: And that just about wraps it up for us today.  Remember to check us out on Tumblr or Pillowfort as Afterspark-Podcast for any additional information, show notes, or links we may have mentioned.  You can also find us on Facebook and Twitter at AftersparkPod (all one word) and various other locations by searching for Afterspark Podcast, such as AO3, iTunes, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, and Youtube, just to name a few.  Till next time, I'm Specs.

O: And I’m Owls.

B:  Happy holidays!

S: Toodles.

[Outro Music]

[Ending Stinger]

S: Welcome to our first anniversary special with the 2004 Transformers film.

O: That is the wrong year.

S: GAH-

B: [dissolve into laughter]

S: God dammit.

#afterspark podcast #transcript #bayverse #transformers (2007)