#listen i run on ~colors~ and ~*vibes*~ here don't try to use your fancy logic at me lmfao

[the-moon-devi]

🦋Channeled Messages from Spirit 🦋

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Use your intuition & pick which mood board is calling u!

Decks used: The HooDoo Tarot & The Love oracle

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Pile 1:

Channeled Messages:

••••••••••••••••••••••••

♡ Flower dress- cottagecore

♡ The color pink??

♡ breadwinner

♡ shame

♡ gossip

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Cards pulled: Father of Baskets, 9 of sticks, the sun, son of knives, bottom of the deck; justice

You carry yourself respectfully,and you come off lady-like/ feminine. But I feel like you don't bs around, people may think your not very smart. People comment on your looks alot (maybe your hair) to make you feel self conscious about your appearance. (Cuz' their jealous) The first card that came out for you was the Father of Baskets and the energy I'm getting is maybe a father or perhaps a boss or love interest either way I feel like this person tries to tell you what to do and wants to keep you in harsh situations or puts you in harsh situations. You may find yourself in a position to defend yourself and your ego. This may have something to do with your reputation or how others view you this person could have been sneakily putting out rumors about you. I'm getting you deserve justice for this and your going to get it. Honestly, this could even be a legal battle your going through. I'm getting like legally blonde vibes from this pile. I feel like people think your too pretty to be smart. They try to pick you apart and get mad once they realize your more mentally strong than you gave off. This man gossiped and talked about you so bad. I feel so hurt and betrayed for ya'll. You could've trusted this person and talked to them about your emotions but they were very two-faced to you. You may have learned they were doing this to you because you were eavesdropping. If you haven't then you will and I'm getting the energy that's it going to come out pretty soon. Alright pile 1, I hope this helped and you guys cuss this person out because you have every right to. 😘😡

Pile 2:

Channeled Messages:

•••••••••••••••••••••••••

♡ falling/ Tower card moment

♡ unexpected

♡ confusion

♡ lost

♡ tired

♡ starseed

♡ scorpio

♡ necklace

♡ overestimated/ exhaustion

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Cards pulled: The lovers, 5 of cups, ace of knives, 3 of Baskets, 5 of sticks, the high priestess.

Oracle: coffin- growth,change liberation,change

Heartbroken- deeply hurt,sad,seperation,breakup, feeling lost grieving mourning,

The runner- fear of intimacy, listening to ego

Ascending- transcending, obstacles, learning expansion, new phase, preparing for union

You are very confused right now, I feel like you guys hit rock bottom or you were just thrown down a hole or like a maze where you keep going around in circles. It could feel like something or someone is chasing you. I just had a dream similar to this, so this message could really resonate with this pile. You may be scared of a love interest hurting you, because we have the lovers card here, this person could have actually hurt you and left you feeling disappointed in love. That experience is what could have put you in this tower energy. I think your ancestors sent you into this to get clarity on something that's spiritual. You have the ascending card and the High priestess. Your in a maze and you have to find a way out instead of running from what your scared of face it head on. That thing your running from could be the thing that's going to protect you. You also have the 5 of wands there could be some spiritual warfare going on for you this may be affecting your mental. This is such a complex pile and I love it because your message is very deep. I felt the need to go on pinterest after channeling and I saw a cross necklace with Jesus and a picture that said Evara. Evara means gift of God. Your very connected to the ETHERS and your being called to pull out that ace of swords to beat whatever enemy you have. You have the gift of God and you are protected. You may be in some type of religion it doesn't have to be Christian, you could be like a witch/ apart of some type of cultural group or in a cult. I'm getting vibes like that. I feel like you work very well with dark energy. Because you are of light & dark and know how to transmute. Something could also be affecting your sleep or, you could literally avoid sleeping because you feel attacked in your dreams. I did also channel starseeds before I pulled your cards. You could be confused on why all of this is happening to you and this could be why. A certain celebration also could have not turned out the way you wanted to. There could have been a fight or smth like that. Theres also a few of you who are going through this because your running from your person, and they are trying to protect you. Im getting a lot as i close this energy out but yall are tired try to go to sleep. You could get alot of psychic downloads which leads to overstimulaion & paranoia try to journal and speak aloud. Maybe even psychic attacks. Some of you also could have lossed a partner. Im so sorry. I hope this helped in some way, and I pray for mental/ spiritual insight for you. Pls do some protection/banishing wrk if ur in2 that. 😘🔮

Pile 3:

Channeled messages:

••••••••••••••••••••••••

♡ Thick/ nice shape

♡ Monochromatic/ Luxury

♡ Natural hair

♡ single mom

♡ callou/ Arthur

♡ writer

♡ Family by dream girls

♡ the box- Roddy rich (this is so random ik 🤣 but maybe there's a message 4 u 🤭)

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Cards pulled: Son of Baskets, 2 of knives, Mother of baskets, 4 of wands, Hierophant,  Father of swords

Oracle: Photograph- looking at your photos, missing you, Nostalgia, make new memories

For those of you who chose this pile, you could have children or your pregnant. While I was started channeling I started rubbing my stomach so maybe your expecting. I also started remembering shows from my childhood like callou and Aurthur (2000s babies know). You could be a young parent reflecting back on your childhood because your energy pulled  the Photograph oracle card and this represents old memories and Nostalgia, I kinda got like a melancholy feeling from this like you miss it. Your now realizing your entering a new phase in your life. You may be having/ have a boy too since both of those shows have little boy as the main characters. I feel like you have two options with the two of swords here. You may not know the specifics of each option and feel like you don't know enough about either to choose. 4 of wands here im getting family but also you have the hierophant and this card represents traditional values. The hierophant can also represent marriage so you could be getting married and starting a family with the father of knives soon. (I'm seeing 717 as I'm writing this) look up that number it could have a meaning for you. This person could feel you have very mothering energy. Your energy is the mother of cups. I see you and this person have built a very solid foundation. You may be worried about being pregnant or whatever your case is but whichever turn you make you'll be fine. I'm also getting your family will have your back no matter what. You may be worried about being a single mom or conforming to traditional roles of being married before you have children. You could have this mindset because of your family. It was a pleasure reading for you guys, yall energy feels so venusian & Lunar. Best wishes to you and your decision! 🌺🦋

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Catch ya later lovelies! Til' next time!

𝓒𝓪𝓻𝓪𝓶𝓮𝓵 𝓴𝓲𝓼𝓼𝓮𝓼 xx🤎💋

~𝓟𝓻𝓮𝓽𝓽𝔂 𝓒𝓪𝓻𝓪𝓶𝓮𝓵

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𝓓𝓲𝓿𝓲𝓷𝓮 𝓓𝓮'𝓛𝓾𝔁𝔁𝓮 (masterlist)

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©𝓟𝓻𝓮𝓽𝓽𝔂 𝓒𝓪𝓻𝓪𝓶𝓮𝓵 (Do not copy or steal my work)

#tarot #tarot community #tarot reading #tarot cards #tarot deck #pick a pile tarot #pick a card tarot #pick a picture #pick a pile #pick a deck #pap #tarot pac #pac #divination #message for the collective #message from the universe #message from Spirit #channeled reading #channeled message #astro community #psyhic #intuitive

[softpascalito]

Raised on little light - 2003!Joel Miller x F!Reader

Summary: You don't have anywhere to go on Christmas Eve. Much less anyone to celebrate with. A neighbour down the street turns out to be your personal Christmas miracle.

Relationships: Joel Miller xF! Reader WC: 1500 Tags/Warnings: Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Domestic Violence, Non-Graphic Violence, Protective Joel (The Last of Us), Good Parent Joel (The Last of Us), Forehead Kisses, First Kiss, Pre-Cordyceps Outbreak (The Last of Us), Pre-Cordyceps Outbreak Joel (The Last of Us), Christmas, Christmas Eve, Author needs therapy (and sleep), domestic abuse Read on AO3 full advent calendar (updated daily)

notes: hello loves. today is another sad one. please read the tags. the abuse is not very detailed but it's there. this fic is very personal to me and (partly) based on how i spent christmas last year. any comments are very appreciated. i'm sending you all all my love <3 also i wanna mention that this has similar tropes to a longer story idea im working on so feel free to let me know if you like the vibes of this and would like to read more :) title from the song northern attitude by noah kahan and hozier

❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️

for everyone who has spent christmas alone.

The worst part is the shouting.

You can ignore the passive-aggressive snides, mumbles that reach your ears in passing. You can ignore the absence of the feeling of safety. You have even learned to ignore the sinking feeling in your stomach when you apply another layer of concealer.

But the shouting seems to follow you. No matter how many rooms you put in between them and you, the sounds crawl through the house, slipping under doors and into hiding nooks that you’ve long outgrown.

It makes you freeze in your tracks, every time it starts. You stand still for a moment, listening, trying to hear what it is about, how bad it seems. There is always the gnawing fear of them running out of words and turning to actions instead. And despite the fact that you’re a grown adult, that you’re technically not the helpless child you once were, it still scares you like nothing else does.

It’s exhausting to exist in a violent house.

You silently let the front door fall shut behind you, stumbling a little as you make your way to the street. Your feet seem to have a mind of their own, carrying you out into the night without a goal in mind. Just get out of the house.

It’s surprisingly cold for Austin and you draw your jacket a little tighter around your shoulders as you move down the sidewalk. The houses on your street are lit up with Christmas lights, stars dangling in windows, colorful fairy lights wrapped around fences, a lit up reindeer figurine a few houses over. 

A truck drives by, the engine humming quietly, before it pulls into a driveway two houses ahead of you. When you pass the house with your head down, the sound of a car door opening and slamming shut makes you jump slightly.

The voice that follows doesn’t.

“That you?”

It only takes Joel a few strides until he’s in front of you, brown eyes searching your body for god knows what. There is a brown paper bag in his hand but you don’t dare lift your head higher to look at his face.

“Whatcha doing out here? Escaping the family gathering?” He jokes lamely, remembering the way he used to sneak off during the holidays if it got too overwhelming.

“Something like that,” you mutter back, trying to put on something resembling a smile. Either it doesn’t work or Joel is too smart to be fooled by it. Because he nods softly, bending his back a little to try and get a look at your face, “Can you look at me for a second, darlin’?”

Oh, he’s so not playing fair. He knows exactly what that nickname does to you, especially coming from him. And he’s shamelessly abusing that.

You swallow, hard and lift your head enough for the porch light to hit you. Joel’s face instantly changes. The somewhat cheerful, joking manner he’d been in a second ago is replaced by concern and something else. Something that almost seems like anger.

He drops the bags of groceries to the floor, bringing both hands up to cup your face. He’s mere inches away when he suddenly stills, eyes softening a bit, “Can I?”

You give a small nod and right away, he closes the distance, turning your head a little to get a better look at the black eye that is undoubtedly getting worse by the second. He should get some credit for not flinching away, you think, for not pretending not to see it like everyone else does.

“You put ice on it or anything?” Joel mutters, his gaze flying over the rest of your neck, clearly checking for more injuries. You barely have time to shake your head no before one hand is on your back, steering you back towards the Miller’s house. “We’ll get you patched up, okay?” Joel asks softly. When he sees your gaze, he adds, “Won’t take long, promise.”

The mood inside the living room could not reflect yours less. There is a bright tree by the window, colorful lights twinkling away. You’re barely inside when you hear footsteps coming down the stairs and you stop in your tracks. Of course Sarah would be home. You’ve gotten to know her rather well this year, after she almost failed Biology last year and when Joel mentioned it in passing, you offered to help out.

You don’t plan on letting her see you like this. She’s smart, like her dad and your afraid that just like him, she’ll know instantly what’s going on.

Joel tugs on your sleeve, motioning for you to stay. Then he turns the corner, catching Sarah at the foot of the stairs before she can reach you. Her voice still carries through to you.

“Did you get the ice cream?” Joel chuckles softly, “I did, dessert is safe. Listen, I gotta- I mean, Santa’s gotta do some last minute preparations. You mind staying in your room for a bit? And no peeking.” The girl grumbles something under her breath but heads back upstairs and a moment later, you hear her door close, a small breath of relief escaping you at that.

Joel's head appears around the corner, “Come on. I’ve got some stuff in the kitchen.”

He pulls out a first aid kit, disinfecting your wound carefully before wrapping a few ice cubes into a towel and dabbing it against your cheek a few times before holding still. The cold immediately seems to work and you involuntarily let out a sigh of relief.

Joel smiles a bit, his hand still pressing the cool sensation against your skin, “That’s better, hm? Just don’t leave it on too long.”

“Yes, sir,” you tease, bringing your own hand up to take the towel from him. There is a small moment, merely a few seconds, when your hand sneaks below his, your skin pressed against him, somehow fitting more perfectly than you ever couldve imagined. It feels even better than the ice.

Joel let go after a moment, taking a step back and turning to the kitchen that is messy with dinner preparations.

“She made you get ice cream?” You ask softly, hoping to steer the conversation into a somewhat pleasurable direction.

“Yeah, yeah, she did. You know how she is,” Joel smiles softly. It doesn’t last long. He clears his throat, glancing down at his feet.

“Listen, I know it ain’t my place. But this is not- it’s not normal. Not even close.”

“It is to them.”

Your voice is quiet. You don’t even want to say it. But something about Joel has always made you open up faster and more intensely than you have with anyone else, “It doesn’t happen that much.”

“Ain’t supposed to happen at all, darlin’,” he argues softly. His eyes fly to the window for a second. There’s a string of lights hung up in it as well. You think there’s not a single one at your house. You were raised on little light.

“We’re making dinner in a bit, Sarah’s pick, and Tommy can’t make it so we are one person short.”

You furrow your brows slightly, wondering for a moment why he is telling you about his dinner plans. But then- it washes over you.

“I couldn’t- I’m sure you have a lovely night planned and-”

“Won’t change if you’re there. It’ll still be a lovely night,” Joel says softly, nudging your foot with his. “Come on, let me- let me do this for you.”

You let him. There is dinner, luckily with no more questions about your slightly swollen face. Joel offers you some wine, lets Sarah pick a movie, pretends to hate that it’s some cheesy Christmas movie. You still catch him smiling at the screen throughout the film.

The teenager falls asleep halfway through and Joel gives you an apologetic look before he carries her to bed. When he comes back and sits down, his hand almost automatically finds your knee. Between the romantic movie and the second glass of wine, the atmosphere between you has changed.

“You know our door is always open, right? Sarah loves having you here.”

“Only Sarah?” You raise a brow, leaning into Joel’s broad form a little more and his eyes soften as he looks down on you, “You’ve had a long day. We shouldn’t add any more to that.”

“What if I want to?” Your face is hovering inches from his. You don’t remember even being this close to him, “Joel, please.”

He can’t resist your begging. He doesn’t think he could if he tried.

Christmas Eve brings you your first kiss with Joel. He runs his hands over your cheeks, always careful to avoid the bruise and even when you pull back to catch your breath, his mouth stays on your face, kissing your chin, your nose, your eyes.

He kisses your forehead an hour later when you’re wrapped into his sheets, after you’ve moaned and then cried immediately afterwards. He holds you through all of it, his voice barely a whisper to not wake Sarah.

“I like having you around too, darlin’.”

notes: thank you for reading. i love you <3

#pedropascaladventcalender #softpascalito #advent calendar #pedro pascal #joel miller #joel / reader #joel x reader #joel miller / reader #joel miller / you #christmas tree #tlou #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #moodboard #mb #sarah miller #christmas #hurt/comfort #emotional hurt/comfort #tw abuse #abusive family #cn abuse #fanfic #fanfiction #oneshot #pedro pascal fanfiction #angst #hurt comfort #abuse #domestic abuse

[saturrnss]

Waves 🌊 (18+)

namor x brown/darkskin!black!reader

angst with happy ending

warnings: ANGST, insecurities, self hate, mentions of colorism, self-degradation (non-sexual), ground level self esteem, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt, mentions to suicide, mentions of self harm, slight mentions of ed, mention of sex, corny writing

A/N: over the years I've started to hate myself more and more, wondering why don't I look like all the pretty white girls I see, the hate has turned into suicidal thoughts (not saying it's the only reason but still). I'm trying to get over it now but once in a while they appear again, and i'm trying to make myself feel better so here this is. (if you're struggling like me, please if you can get therapy or if you don't have anyone, talk to me in my dms :) (let's just pretend that there's wifi at the bottom of the ocean and i'm ass at writing so don't expect much outta me)

You hate yourself, like not a dislike you HATE yourself. Your hair, your face, your legs, your skin, everything about yourself. every time you show your face in public you feel like a burden, a mistake, making everyone's life a little bit harder. You once cut your hair off in a rage because maybe, just maybe, it would grow out straight.

(Your mother wasn’t too pleased with that)

ever since you were a child you weren't allowed to wear certain things because "only lightskins could wear that" and “they wouldn’t even see it on you” your mother used to tell you, when you were a teenager every boy rated you a 2/10, constant bullying or asked you out as a joke.

It’s not like your parents cared either, they were either too worried about themselves or busy yelling at you so they were never there for you

You started weight watching, straightened your hair, and started internalizing self hatred. It got so bad to a point where your hair was absolutely fried and it felt like you had to self harm every single day or you would kill yourself

ever since you were a child every spring and summer- not missing a day, you suck out to go to this beach near your house late at night

You felt like yourself there, free from the expectations of society-not one entity was near you except the ocean, the ocean never judged you, it always accepted you

for the entire time you just layed flat out on the sand, looking at the moon slowly disappear as it grew closer to morning- hearing the whoosh of the water next to you

subconsciously hoping-- even praying that one day, whatever god or goddess of the ocean maybe out there, would just let the waves take you out to sea, let your body be at one with the ocean for all eternity.

One night, in spring transitioning into summer, you were doing your daily routine, until you heard something unfamiliar in the ocean. You got up and saw something strange get out of the ocean. You quickly run and hide yourself (luckily your far enough from them that they didn't notice you) You see a man and a woman appear but one of them was- Blue?

she was wearing a weird contraption on her face that had some sort of-- liquid, on her face? you look and try to listen in on their conversation but they're too far away to hear, only mumbles. a couple minutes later you accidentally lay on piece of glass

“Ow fuck!”

The strange man and woman turn around to the noise

You quickly cover yourself with whatever is near you and try your absolute best to stay quiet.

"Ba'ax ka biin le je'elo? (what was that?)" the blue woman says as they both get up and stalk towards where you are. you hear flapping and something rising up into the air. you try to move your head to take a peak.

you get an eye up and to your surprise, you see the man up in the air, with wings on his feet. In a mix of shock and slight horror and fear that that could be possible, you were frozen. the man lowers himself back onto the ground ''Falsa alarma (false alarm)''

They walk away and submerge back into the ocean and that's when you get up and run as fast as you can back to your house. you didn't go back there for 2 days after that.

A year or 2 later you were driving home from a therapy session, you're life and mental state were still shit (as usual) but you were sadder than usual, no-one cared about you, you barley had any friends and you went no contact with your family. you were alone, no-one had your back and no-one wanted to. so you finally decided to do it, to end it all.

you drive to the place where you always went to, taking in everything and everywhere before your end. you finally get to the beach, you get out of your car and sit down to meditate, coming to terms with the fact that the world moved fast, and you moved slow.

finally coming to peace with your decision, you take off your shoes and sweater, and finally walk into the ocean with your eyes closed.

you swim deeper from the surface so you won't easily get out. You could hold your breath for 2 minutes so it wasn't really that hard, but then you started to struggle, you stop yourself from swimming up, reassuring yourself that it's the right decision.

After another minute of struggle your body finally gave up and passed out. You woke up a day later in a room, you were scared to open your eyes because maybe you were in hell?? What if there wasn't anything at all?!?

You were having a mini panic session until your heard footsteps, who opened your eyes to see who was there and it was the flying man you saw on the beach.

An overwhelming feeling of relief flew over you, this wasn't the afterlife you expected but at least there was something after. "Hi" he says with a soft smile on his face. "Where am I?" You say as you sit up.

“The more important question is are you ok” he comes over and puts the back of his hand on your forehead. “You threw up on yourself when we were saving you so they put you in new clothes.” You looked down on yourself and noticed the beautiful gown they put on you.

“This might be weird question but is the is heaven?” He softly chucked, “I appreciate the compliment but your still on earth” he gives you a bowl of water

you look up at him to thank him only to get locked in his gaze, his eyes were like a forever forest you couldn’t get out of, you noticed everything about him, and everything about him to you was perfect.

You were so sucked in that you didn’t even notice that he was lost in your eyes too. He forced himself to snap out of it cause he was kind of in denial.

Okay maybe he took a bias to you when he saw unconscious and that’s why he sent everyone away but there’s absolutely no way he would fall In love with a surface dweller, after 200 years??? No.

“So, how did you end up in the ocean?” He asks, trying to detract from the last moment “someone try to murder you or was it an accident?” “Um..” you start to tell him the truth, but you decide against it. “A freak accident….I-i don’t really remember much”

It was really weird at first, not being able to go outside because you'll drown, but overtime you two quickly grew closer, you told him things about the surface world -he didn’t really like the surface world much but he didn’t say-

You got your phone repaired and somehow still got wi fi so you could show him all your favorite songs and dance with him to it, showed him your favorite memes too (he really didn’t get the memes or what made them funny but he saw you laughing so he laughed too)

late at night while you were about to go to sleep, he told you the stories his mom told him, band about once he came across this white man with a vibranium shield who was frozen, he poked it with his spear but just left it alone because he didn’t want to let a white man into talokan

You met that blue lady with the weird mask, her names actually namora and she’s his cousin. You were both kind of shy and awkward around each other but sooner or later you both became good friends

You started to open up to ku, about everything that happened in your past, your self harming, and then finally the real reason he found you. That was the first time you ever saw him shed a tear that day, then everyday since then he made time out for you and listened to what you had to say

Comforting you and consoling you, you started to get better little by little

You were slowly but surely falling in love with him but you didn’t say anything about it because you didn’t want to make it uncomfortable between the two of you

One night, when he finally took you back to the surface world for the first Time in a long time, your car was no where to be seen but you didn’t care, all you cared about was ku and you were just glad that he was here.

You were both sitting on the sand, looking at the sky, he put your hand on top of yours and you turned you head yo smile at him, that’s when he finally kissed you. It felt like time had stoped and the only thing moving was the both of you, his lips felt like a cloud

the fact that he reciprocated the feelings you had for him made you ecstatic— but most importantly It was the first time you felt like someone was actually, there for you

Like someone had actually loved you, for you, didn’t care what you looked like

When your lips separated you quickly got back into it, leading to a make-out session and then it eventually but inevitably leading to sex and trust and believe that it was the most wonderful sexual encounter you’ve ever had.

you still self harmed, out of habit mostly- on different parts of the leg so no one would notice, especially k’uk’ulkan, you didn't wanna lose him and you thought if he found out about this he would leave you and kick you out of talokan for sure, or even worse. he occasionally asked questions about why you wear long sleeves even though it could be burning up so you stopped for a while. He was the love of your life and everything seemed to be going perfect for you

Until.

an hour ago- you felt like you embarrassed yourself in front of everyone, and all of a sudden all those negative feelings you had all in your childhood and teenage years just hit you like a tornado.

In reality it wasn’t that big of a deal to everyone else but to your inner child, it was

After having a 10 minute long panic attack You made the impulsive decision to end it all. "everyone would be okay if you were gone, no one would care" "you should have killed yourself 3 years ago" your mind told you.

you took the sharpest object you could find and went to your room, "you can do it" "do one good thing for once" you told yourself, jumping and doing any and everything you can to hype yourself up, and you finally do it. you slit your wrist. You immediately regret it, trying to find everything you can to stop the blood but your losing quickly.

you fall down on the floor pretty hard. clinging onto your last breaths before you go you hear something. "Y/N?!?" It was ku. you finally pass out

you slowly open your eyes to see a blue woman standing over you checking your temperature. "Táan despiertos! (they're awake!)" she tells namor as she walks away to get something. Ku quickly goes over to you and kisses you all over.

"What happened?!? Are you ok?!” He says. “I’m fine” you say trying to smile so he doesn’t question you. “I was just trying to cut some food” you don’t make eye contact with him and you look sad

He doesn’t believe it for a second.

“Y/n the last you said something like this was accidental you ended up trying to kill yourself”

You just stayed silent, looking at the ground getting teary eyed. “You should have just told you weren’t happy here!” he says with a slight shake in his voice. “Did I do anything wrong?!”

You say nothing.

“Y/n look at me” he says but you still don’t fearing the worst if you do. “Look. At. Me.” He says with a stern voice, you finally look up at him.

“Do you hate me?” You say with tears streaming down your face. “Hate you? In what way would I hate you? Why would I hate you?” He gets closer to you. “It’s because…” you take a deep breath “all my life, everyone’s always hated me, in one way or another, I’ve never mattered to anyone, I was just the nuisance, the mistake, It feels like I’m just a monster, one of the universes failed experiments.”

“Nobody would care if I was gone ku, not even you.” You just sit in silence for a while, him gathering himself and you, continuing to hang your head in shame. He then cups your face and looks deep into your eyes. “Y/n I have loved you ever since I layed my eyes on you. laugh, smile, hair, personality, everything about you. You are the most beautiful person I have ever layed. The people of talokan love you, I love you” he puts his forehead on yours “and if I could burn the surface world twice for me to prove that to you, I would.”

You then realized that this man really loves you, and you loved him back. The woman came back into the room, walking in on you and him. “Ka wu'uyik in ajawo'! Chéen - (I’m sorry my king! I just-)”

“Ma' a preocupes in waal (don’t worry my child)" he kisses you and steps out of the room to attend to his other duties.

Life from then on went on pretty swell, you restarted therapy, ku ordered attuma to take you once every week, (you lended him your clothes to him so he could disguise himself) you learned a little bit of the language, he’s very overprotective of you because he doesn’t want to lose you

At night, he kisses every little scar on your body, you stopped self harming, learned to pick up different hobbies instead of hurting yourself to relive stress, to not rely on anyone for your happiness and to avoid toxic behaviors. Your life is actually going good for once

You were happy.

You finally felt something again.

Ok I’m done, back to fun stuff now

wattpad: saturnshaze

#mcu namor #namor #namor x poc!reader #mcu angst #marvel #namor the sub mariner #black panther wakanda forever #namor x black reader #Spotify #namor x black!reader #k'uk'ulkan x reader #mcu #black!y/n #black!reader #kukulkan #namor x y/n #black panther 2 #one shot #marvel cinematic universe #namor x reader #king namor #wakanda forever #namor imagine #bpwf #tenoch huerta #black panther

[greenboyfriend]

༺♡༻ reading compulsion ༺♡༻

I had the sudden compulsion to do a reading! and man, whoever you are, you sure are impatient. there's this energy of like OK OK COME ON COME ON LETS GO going on that may be you, or maybe sprit, as well. it depends who you are. this may apply to multiple people.

as always, listen to your intuition. if something doesn't resonate for you, don't force it.

image source: forest // image source: stars heading // image source: white hemming heading

Temperance, Judgment reversed, eight of wands reversed, two of swords, page of cups reversed, Wheel of Fortune reversed, page of pentacles reversed

(since there's not enough colors for all the cards.. judgement will be in whatever color ur theme is set to lol)

this feels like a timed thing. you're being asked to take action, *now*. maybe this is the vibe you're already giving off, or that of your spirit guides.. for most of you, it's your guides.

this isn't a run of the mill opportunity, either, which I think is why spirit is so persistent about this. the wheel of fortune is all about fate, destiny, and luck. you might have been presented, or will be presented, with some sort of chance encounter (that may have to do with friendship or romance). and um... well, you really better get on it!!!

you probably are not however. but not all is lost! this seems like a stepping stone, part of a bigger lesson to be learned; moving from one way of being into another. it also seems like this opportunity will have to do with self forgiveness. right now, you're intentionally closing yourself off, and pretending not to see the signs. stop doing that!!! this is no time for hesitation! rush into that decision, make your move! strike while the iron's hot-- and let me tell you-- that iron's HOT!!!!!

in doing this, you will experience a rebirth. not like, in a gross way, but in a really nice, happy way! you'll see everything differently, especially yourself. what you really need to do is to listen to your intuition. what are you naturally drawn towards? before you overthought it, what was the thing you were like, "oh, yeah, that makes sense" about? or are you using this as an excuse to choose not to choose?!?!

***for some of you, a lot of this knowledge may come from your dreams. remember them. this seems very important!***

if you're worried about where to start, begin by taking a deep breath. no matter what happens, know that, just by trying, you are in good hands! it may help you to be trusting in others, as well, and accept them at their word. I always find that walking in nature gets me more in tuned with my intuition, and makes me feel more grounded.

however this event manifests, im feeling that it will be luck based. it might also be the "finale" of something, or maybe you're resolving unfinished business. you've just really gotta do it, dude. your future self will thank you. even if you think that's impossible!

it might also be something you've been working towards, or have been thinking about on the backburner. it's like the "missing puzzle piece" you've been searching for. there may also be a call to action too-- often, there are multiple, and one of them might be this reading itself. so, hi!

ur also going to unburden yourself, especially when it comes to self forgiveness. releasing griefs and sorrows.

here are some things that may resonate with you as well:

doorbell rings, competing, wicked, "ren", ramen (ramen actually spilled all fucking over my cards and desk and fucking everything while doing this!!), impatience, generosity, people, 14, candle, sweet

hope this was useful! good luck out there soldier!

#tarot #tarotblr #tarot reading #tarotcommunity #tarot cards #spirituality #spiritual #witchblr #divination

[strawberryamanita]

Alright, it was a bad idea to go into the neurosparkly tag. People are chill in the neurospicy tag, but it's just hatepost after hatepost after hatepost in the neurosparkly tag.

I was gonna keep my mouth shut, but now I'm pissed. Y'all really know how to make a person's skin crawl.

Rant below.

Listen, this reeks of one person pulling "neurosparkly" and "neurospicy" out of a very obscure conversation and going "hmm, this gives me the willies, so it looks like an acceptable target to me!", and I'm already sick of it. This gives me the exact same vibes as that one famous post about transmeds vs transtrenders -- this idea of pinning one form of self-expression against another, in the name of dunking on fellow marginalized people that are giving your demographic "a bad name". To that end, I'd like to remind y'all that the original artist of that post admitted they weren't acting right about trans people that aren't like them, and so I'm hoping we get over this and get over it soon.

Because we cannot keep doing this.

Every. Summer. Every fucking Summer, this website has to put a spotlight on a new group to punch down on. First it was just about every LGBTQIA+ group outside of cis gay men you could imagine -- lesbians, bis/pans, trans people, ace people, non-binary people, people who identify as queer (we're literally all queer, but that's another convo all together), you name it. It literally never stops, you people have to be taught over and over again that, no, this one group isn't okay to target either, that's your family too, you're not better than them for being a different flavor of weird.

Now we're doing this to neurodivergent people? Neurodivergent people. The overwhelming majority of this website. You're gonna try and clown on other neurodivergent people for, what is it, being cringe? After we just agreed that embracing cringe is a huge step towards self-acceptance and self-love? tumblr is THE cringe website. We don't do optics here, we don't clean our metaphorical rooms when guests are over.

Like what, we have to take every moment of our neurodivergent lives seriously? It's ridiculous enough that we have a "normal" model for how a brain should be, compared to all the different ways a person can develop. Are we such tragic figures that we can't take the smallest delight in calling ourself a fun little nickname? It's not self-censoring, it's not like "handicapable vs disabled", let's not treat this thing like a gust of wind on the house of cards that is our (quite necessary) camaraderie.

Are we gonna start zeroing in on specific neurodivergent conditions next? How long are we gonna play this stupid game of Who Is It Okay To Bully on this website? If you wanna look like a mature and poised and respectable lot, you can't be doing something so petty, whether it's for fun or "for the cause".

Y'know what? I support neurosparkly. I support neurospicy. My neurotype is glow-in-the-dark. It's glittery, it's color-changing, it's metallic and covered in rhinestones and smells like artificial fruits. My neurotype is crayon drawings and old kids' meal toys and bubble machines and getting bleary-eyed over Muppet songs. My brain is covered in holographic stickers and playing 8bit videogame music on loop. I am Cringemeister General. You could only wish to be as cringe as me.

Now cringe. Cringe and cope and seethe and mald. Dig up everything you can about me to attempt to punish me for disagreeing with you, and let your confirmation bias run wild. Post me on r/cringe, make a YouTube or TikTok video about me, pick me apart on a livestream, make me the poster-boy of your disgust, print out a screenshot of my blog and throw darts at it. Dance the dance of self-hatred, and then wait in the wings until you get to dance it again.

Eugh.

I'm gonna close this rant using every argument that I've seen effectively shut down these yearly attempts at putting eachother in the pillories, because I don't know if I can take another Summer of this:

If you start picking on people for using "neurosparkly" or "neurospicy", I'm assuming you're a fed. Infighting only helps the oppressors, and if we spend our energy trying to police eachother we're not going to get anything done. Kill the cringe cop in your head. There's as many ways for a person to live as are, have been, and will be people on this planet; there's a good chance you're gonna hear about some people who give you the ick, but you're gonna have to swallow that ick and respect them anyhow.

Every ounce of energy you spend rolling your eyes at people you consider beneath you can be spent chipping away at a person in power. Every minute you choose to spend tsking or turning up your nose at "weird" kids can be spent advocating for that weirdness and normalizing being fucking nice to people. You punch down or punch across because it gives you quicker, more visible results; if we're all punching up, they'll have no other option than to listen to us.

There is enough room for everybody. Even the neurospicies, even the neurosparklies.

PS: Any attempts to make fun of me or the people I talked about in this post are just straight-up gonna be ignored. I don't see why you'd want to convince me to think less of others, so trying to sway me is gonna be difficult on your part. I'm not debating anyone's rights, and I'm not gonna conserve spoons to argue with a stranger. I have Anons turned off already, so if you wanna get up in my virtual face you won't have a disguise to protect you.

Thank you for your time.

#neurospicy #neurosparkly #actually autistic #actually neurodivergent #neurodiversity #long post

[always-andromeda]

i. sound of a love song | Joby Taylor x fem!Reader

Joby Taylor x fem!Reader

Word Count | 3,043

Summary | A washed up former lead singer, Joby Taylor finds himself drunk at a bar and listening to you, a singer who’s way too good for him.

Author’s Note | My first ever multi chapter fic is here! This piece is so self indulgent and I’m trying not to feel too bad about it because I crave this man so deeply. The Joby Taylor brain rot I have from working on this is not even funny! Also just adore the idea of Joby falling in love with a reader with Lana Del Rey vibes and trying to be totally chill about it the whole time.

Warnings | none! please let me know if I need to add anything!

Joby Taylor was a mess. The fact hit him as he shifted in his bar stool and rested his head on the bar. He hadn't showered in days and even he couldn't ignore it anymore. The pomade he liked to run through his hair almost every morning was starting to build up, making him look particularly greasy. The alcohol certainly didn't help his appearance either. His tolerance was high and he was determined to keep drinking until he was on the edge of blacking out. He wanted to stumble back to his hotel room and flop down on the lumpy, probably bedbug infested mattress and pass out. Or maybe he would just pass out on this bar. It was all the same to him.

He didn't mean for it to get like this. Being a rockstar wasn't just about drugs and sex and alcohol but it sure helped the days pass by. And Joby had always been one of the guys who said he could stop whenever he wanted. His friends would jeer at him as he got more and more fucked up. No one stopped him. So he figured he didn't have to. It made his touring days much more eventful. But he didn't have the rockstar excuse anymore. He was just some poor bastard rotting from the inside out, listening to droning live music in a shitty bar.

Hours earlier, the night crowd was rowdy enough that he didn't notice the music. But, as midnight came closer and the crowd had thinned out enough, the soft guitar had come through. He turned his head and fought to keep his eyes open. Through blurry vision he saw you. You were at the microphone, hips swaying to the music. Your cream colored dress fluttered back and forth at your knees. The peasant neckline showed your chest, breathing slowly as you waited for your cue to start singing. He thought you were pretty. But any sort of terrible thought he could've had snuffed themselves out once you began singing.

"Hey, what you doin'?" Not a lot

Shakin' and movin' at my local spot

Baby, don't ask me why, don't ask me why

Why, why, why, why, why, why, why

Your voice was equal parts sad and sultry. He wasn't used to the gentle sound. He didn't typically like that sound in the first place. But it paired well with his mood.

Lay, lady, lay

On that side of paradise

In the Tropic of Cancer

'Cause if I had my way

You would always stay

And I'd be your tiny dancer, honey

He could've sworn that you looked at him then. He thought he saw you wink at him too. He licked his lips and tried to pull them into a smirk. His head was spinning. Bile rose in his throat and he swallowed it down. You're too fucking drunk. He didn't want to begin to entertain the thought of you flirting with him. You were just doing your job. As long as the men in this bar thought you were singing to them, they'd stick around and buy more drinks. Pretty girls like you did well in these kinds of joints.

The man off to the side of the stage strumming on the guitar looked agitated, some of his chords hitting harder than they were meant to. Joby figured it was your boyfriend, just worked up seeing his girl making eyes at middle aged men. He chuckled at the thought. If he felt better about himself at the moment, he probably would've tried to flirt back. He would've pulled you into a shadowed corner after your performance and pressed his lips to your pretty neck. He would let his hands wander and get himself familiar with your figure underneath the flowing dress. But he was so tired he could barely piece together the words you were singing.

Joby lazily hummed along, missing most of the notes and not quite getting a hand of the tune. The song ended as his eyelids began to flutter closed. He heard light applause, some wolf whistles, and a male voice thanking the crowd on the microphone before soft rock continued to play through the bars speakers. He felt a tap on his shoulder and jolted awake. There you were, sitting next to him as though your form had simply materialized there like an angel.

"This is how an artist dies, hmm?" you said, swiping your tongue over the rich red lipstick on your lips.

He blinked a few times, trying to process the sentence, "Huh?"

"Joby Taylor...didn't think I'd get to see you again. Especially not this trashed." You had the stem of a maraschino cherry between your fingers. You plucked the cherry with your teeth and your wet lips wrapped around the fruit. The maneuver had him entranced. Wait, he shook his head a little, you'd seen him before? He scanned his mind, trying to place your face. Despite you now sitting next to him, your face was still a bit blurry.

"You don't even remember me, do you?" you sneered at him.

"Of course I do..." he trailed off. He wished he hadn't drank so much. His head was pulsating and nothing was clear. He didn't want to embarrass himself in front of someone as pretty as you. But who was he kidding? He smelled like complete shit and looked worse. He’d worn the same leather jacket he’d worn for years now, the stench of cigarette smoke pungent from years of smoke breaks. Sweat had dried to the hoodies underneath the leather from the nights he’d tossed and turned, trying to find sleep. You, with your styled hair and glittering eyes, were way too good for him.

"You're a terrible liar, Joby Taylor." you laughed lightly and wrapped your lips around a straw. You were drinking something clear and bubbly. Probably just a soda. Of course you weren't like him, taking a few shots before performing on tour. You were put together and presentable. Again, way out of his league.

He finally processed what you'd first said to him, "How does an artist die?" Were you trying to deliver some weird riddle? Now he knew he was way too drunk to figure that out.

You motioned towards his slouched body. "I'm watching an artist die right before my eyes."

He sighed heavily, "What makes you think I'm dead?" Shit, he wasn’t even convinced he was alive either. Not for a while, at least. He was just on autopilot.

You chuckled shyly, "I've seen you perform before. You really know how to turn it on for a crowd.”

"You seem to know so much about me and I don't even know who you are."

"You really don't remember me?"

Joby shook his head, hair falling over his eyes.

"Damn," your face fell, "I'm y/n l/n. We played at a couple festivals a few years ago. James and I are friends."

Joby grimaced as you mentioned the name of his old bandmate. James was a fucking snake. He stole his band. Took credit for all the work he had spent years putting into Snake Trouble. But you knew him. He was working to click the pieces together in his brain. He vaguely remembered your name; remembered you with flowers in your hair and heavy eye makeup. Your voice...that was what he recalled clearest. Your melodic sound echoing through a microphone. He remembered feeling held by the song you had sung.

When you said James name, you saw him wince. It must've been a sore spot for him. But you kept prodding, "I actually talked to him a little while ago. He said that he's out of a lead singer now. He said you quit."

"Well, James is a fucking liar because he kicked me out. I wouldn't have quit that band even if I was on my fucking deathbed." His speech was angry and slurred. His body was too worn out to express it but his face began to turn red.

"Oh, his loss, I guess." you shrugged.

With that, Joby felt bad. James wasn't that terrible. None of his bandmates were. They just didn't get it. They knew a little about Claire but they didn't know about the divorce or the custody battle with Ellen. Hell, he didn't think he'd ever told them he had been married in the first place. His marriage with Claire had only happened to appease her parents when she'd gotten pregnant. They'd gone to a courthouse, signed the papers, and that same night he was playing another show. Then he never talked about it again. In the years following the marriage, his vows had never really mattered. He still slept with other people and dated around. James and his other bandmates witnessed all of it. Hell, they encouraged it for a while. They were once his friends but over time he started to see them more as coworkers than anything.

They didn't get his sound, his ideas, his art. That was alright on its own, but they didn't have to be assholes about it. They didn't have to rub it in his face about how hard he had fallen. That didn't matter anymore though. James could take his stupid band and write his own stupid songs. He didn't care.  He did care, though, that you seemed to think he was good enough. He sat up a bit straighter, raising his head from the bar. He stuck out his chin and managed a sleazy smirk.

You recognized the look plastered on his face. You'd seen him in a similar state after shows and at a handful of parties. It was more annoying than attractive. You couldn't help admitting you had a thing for guys like him. They had a type of sway and attitude that made your knees weak. Simultaneously, you despised his type, especially in your industry. If you had been blackout drunk at shows, flirting with fans, and passing out on random couches, you'd be a laughing stock. No one would want to work with you. Only an asshole like him could pull all of the shit he did and still pass off as a tortured male musician. But it all seemed to be catching up to him now.

You remembered seeing him on stage at a festival, years before. He had looked a lot more controlled even with the black eyeliner just starting to run down his face. The girls thought he was hot and he played into it well. He put all his energy into the music, flipping his dark hair and swiveling his hips. Your ears had been ringing from all the girls shrieking when he ran his hands down his chest seductively while performing. You had rolled your eyes. He was hot, but way too full of himself. And now he was next to you, looking more pathetic than he ever had.

"You sounded good up there." he tried a compliment of his own.

You lit up. Very rarely were you admired for your talents. And even though the praise came from him, it meant a great deal. Most of the time the men in these bars leered at your body. They'd offer to buy you drinks in return for the alluring performance. You always rejected them, not wanting to let yourself be vulnerable in any way. It made some of the men mad, of course, but you felt all the more comfortable keeping those walls between yourself and them.

"Well, I'm flattered. When do you think you'll get back up on a stage again?" You hated to keep talking about the music but it was the only subject you figured you could relate with him about. Besides, you really were wondering. James had told you the last time they'd performed as a band had been less than a month before. Joby's expulsion from the band left them to postpone the tour, scrambling to find a replacement. But if your observances of his performances said anything, you knew it wouldn't be easy to find someone that could live up to Joby's presence. He was the lead singer for a reason.

“I could just never get on one ever again. Who fucking cares. Who would listen anyways.”

He was fishing for some flattery. You weren’t about to feed into that bullshit.

“Maybe you’re right. There’s enough sad bastards writing about women who won’t fuck them anyways.” You smiled sarcastically before taking another sip from your straw. He glared at you, surprised at the biting remark. Yeah, his lyrics could get a little stale sometimes, but what else was there to write about? It’s not like his life has been filled with much else. Besides, who were you to be talking shit while you were up there, whoring yourself out to sell drinks?

He scoffed, “Oh, yeah, like I see you doing so much better up there, little Miss Lana Del Rey cover artist.”

Your blood ran cold. If that washed up asshole thought he could insult you like that, he had another thing coming. “At least I’m doing something. And at least I do it well. And I take my work seriously enough that I don’t show up wasted for it.” you spit back, crossing your legs and suddenly feeling indignant.

He fumbled for a bit, grasping at straws for some sort of retort. He couldn’t fault you on any of those points. He could call you any nasty name he wanted to but that didn’t change how shattered he felt inside. Music had been his whole life. But almost as soon as the band had taken off, he lost the spark. He’d had humble roots and a story to tell back then. Now he was a one trick pony. He was pretending that he didn't absolutely fucking despise the singles that gave his band a name; reciting lyrics that he’d written when he was younger and his writing was sharper. The substances hadn’t fried his brain and the touring hadn’t drained his spirits then. He was a joke. A nobody. A washed up relic of albums people listened to during their high school days. You are a dying artist.

“I’m sorry…” he shook his head, feeling like his brain was a water balloon ready to burst, “I’m really not myself right now. I think I better head out.” He stood from his barstool, hand braced on the bar top to steady his lumbering frame.

“Wait, where are you staying?” Your gaze on him softened and you placed a concerned hand on his leather clad arm.

“Uhhh…the Motel 6 across the street.”

“Oh, you’re not gonna walk back there like this, are you? You have someone who can take you, right?” You looked around, trying to see if there was some girl you'd missed before. Any time you'd seen him at a show, he always had some girl hanging off his arm. But Joby met you with silence. You’d known the answer before you could even finish speaking. Most of the people Joby considered his friends left him in the dust when he got kicked out of Snake Trouble. Of course he was drinking alone.

“Shit. Let me drive you back.” You insisted. You would hate yourself if he got hurt on the way back. Over years of going out drinking with friends, you had quickly designated yourself the sober one that would make sure everyone got home safe. Besides, you had a bit of a fondness for Joby. As much of an asshole as he was, you were drawn to the persona. Especially this rawness you’d never seen from him.

Joby nodded and mumbled an okay in your direction. When he started to walk, he stumbled over his own shoes, almost falling forward and smacking his already vibrating head on the bar. But you caught him just in time. You put one hand on his chest and one on his lower back to support him.

He almost felt ashamed when he leaned into your touch until your forehead was almost on his shoulder. He hadn’t been touched in a while. The depression falling over him made it impossible for him to want to engage in one of his favorite pastimes. Even when he was having sex, it wasn’t like this. It was a closeness with all of the intimacy removed; skin rubbing on skin without making a single spark. And while he could get off, it would never compare to truly being familiar with someone.

Your hands were soft and your voice was smooth as you whispered, “You alright?”

He nodded again, this time his breath seemed stuck in his throat. Be normal about this, will you? She’s just being nice. You need nice right now. But the breath stayed stuck as you grabbed his hand and led him out the door to your car. God, he was going to have the most insane headache the next morning.

The car ride was quiet until you turned on the radio, letting some random country music station play. When you finally pulled into the motel and helped him out of your car, he still felt that electric feeling on his spine where you’d touched him. He felt around his pockets and searched his wallet before realizing that his room keycard wasn’t with him. Mentally retracing his steps it hit him.

You saw his face go blank when he admitted, “I left my keycard in the room.” It would be too late to go to the front desk and ask for another. But you couldn’t just leave him. Not when it was this cold out. You were already shivering in your light dress.

You sighed, “Come on, let’s just go back to my place. We’ll come back in the morning and you can sort this out when you’re sober.” Joby couldn’t believe his luck that he managed to run into you, didn’t even remember your name, and insulted you, and yet you were willing to take him in for a night. You’d let him sleep on your couch and then he’d get to see you again in the morning. Sure, he probably wasn’t going to see you again after that, but it was something to him.

#danonation #paul dano #joby taylor x reader #joby taylor #for ellen #˚ʚ meda writes ɞ˚

[waterparksdrama]

I’m begging for a Fandom track by track pls

ok ok i've been delaying it for a while so why not for you anon. i have a lot of personal opinions about this one so it's probably gonna be way more biased than other track by tracks lol

cherry red - an intro that gives off this sort of dreamy epic 80s vibe if you weren't paying attention to the lyrics much. he uses a lot of color imagery entwined with the happenings of their relationship to lament it at this point and begin this cycle between mourning the relationship and getting caught up with living with being perceived by the public eye all during this. it's a good intro and i like the instrumentals - 8/10

watch what happens next - see this is one of those songs i'd like better as a song if the message didn't age badly and didn't make cringe really hard. the first lines already Aged. a criticism of fan consumption of their music and their place in the scene as rockers. blah blah blah awsten wants money and doesn't like the need for the rock scene to undersell themselves for approval but also i think some of your expensive clothes are ugly as shit awsten so what now. not to mention the poorly aged second verse about hiphop and genre mixing (specifically with a jealous dig at old town road) considering the other factors associated with hip hop and how the soundcloud emo rap scene of the time slowly evolved into the "emo revival" we see today that bolstered parx's current relevancy tbh (they opened for my chem and are playing wwwy fest this year hello). but anyways as a song it's fine; the sassy guitars pull more punches than the lyrics end up doing and maybe i'm proving the point of the lyrics even if they're poorly aged but god shut up sometimes awsten - 5/10

dream boy - this is legitimately the only fandom song i can listen to regularly LMAOOO. i heard this in public before because they put this on radio disney it was terrifying. anyways back to the song. it's a poppy song about fan expectations and how awsten exists differently in fans' heads than in reality. i think this is one of the few songs that i think hit the mark of satirizing fans completely bc. i won't lie i do this completely whoops (i'm an rpf writer and run this blog what else do you expect of me). i don't think some fans realize the irony of using this song against each other whenever some awsten related drama comes up considering they usually have an even more warped view of him but. i digress. also justice for glitter times your pre chorus will forever live on here... - 8/10

easy to hate - another song about the breakup hence all the color imagery and apparently originally a friendly reminder song. not much to note here; it's a catchy little song that plays with some of the elements he used to write about ciara in the past to get this anti love song. i guess you could argue the chorus could also apply to parasocial relations hence the music video and everything but yeah. fine song. intro synths remind me of an old ringtone. - 7/10

high definition - i get the ode to imogen heap's hide and seek with this song and i can appreciate that but for me it's just so...eh. lyrically it's a song that follows awsten's struggles with trying to find love in a post-ciara world. there's some interesting lines here and there but nothing truly hits for me and sometimes i think about the lyric "now i'm canceled, i'm whatever" at random times and cringe.

not to mention the extreme cringe i get from what he said about the song in the rocksound track by track:

There’s a song that’s all, ‘Back then hoes didn’t want me, now I’m hot hoes all on me’ [Mike Jones’ ‘Back Then’] – but not in like a bragalicious way. It’s an, ‘I’m like really lonely, I hate all of this’, kind of way. It’s like that.

why. you do not have hoes. shut up. get ready for more of awsten's white ass making cringey rap references bc there's one later on none of us are gonna like. i think i have personal beef with this song bc i had a sign for wwdff at my show, he looked at it, and then he did this in complete and nothing else. - 4/10

telephone - a love song (about some girl he never talked to at a target). considering he has all this written about a person he made up traits in his mind, it makes sense why all the true love songs by parx are probably just about the concepts of people that aren't technically real if you think about it. musically, its piano riffs takes its cues from 60's pop before evolving into this sparkly fun chorus. tbh it's just fine to me and i used to think the obsessive love song thing about a stranger was weird but now i've written 10x more messed up fanfic about him so i can't even judge that too hard. blah blah can also tie into themes of fan perception and falling in love with a concept once again yeah i think it's just a fine song. i just like when otto says the ending at live shows. - 6/10

group chat - this isn't even a fuckin song. and according to the genius lyrics page this is what it means:

He strongly implies that the song is about fake friendships between famous figures, where people may often pose as friends purely for the sake of sharing it online. This phenomenon that has grown more rampant in the modern world as those in the public eye partake in this practice as a means of boosting popularity on social media. This also occurs within the music industry itself, when companies chose to featuring artists purely to maximize the buzz surrounding the song.

i'm just more focused on the fact that this is the first time otto's been mentioned by name in the parx discography and it wasn't even by awsten. isn't that fucked up. - n/a (not a fuckin song)

turbulent - i can distinctly remember my first time listening to this with my friend after choir class and we both came to the same conclusion: the song was stupid except for the ending when he stopped singing. this is still how i feel about the song. that opening line is so goddamn stupid and i still don't think patrick stump knows he's in this song or who waterparks is. did you know if ciara didn't like fall out boy as much he probably would've compared himself to ryan ross and brendon urie? nightmare. this is one of the songs i pit to at live shows because when you pit, you don't actually listen to the song. it has better energy live than it does recorded but i'm not rating the live version though. i think the production is much cooler than literally anything else in this stupid song with it's breakcore beats and random dogs - 5/10

never bloom again - remember when awsten teased this song for years saying this song would be the one making people cry and now years later no one talks about it that much. "all the girls in los angeles look like you from a distance", honey you date the same blonde clone with different mental illnesses every time i don't know why you're so surprised at this. i think there are some interesting lines here and there, i just feel like its strengths are staying simple in its verses because the chorus feels kinda corny with the extra stuff on top of everything because of that cervini style of big production. - 5/10

i miss having sex but at least i don't wanna die anymore - i miss when this title leaked and we thought this was fake. i hate this song and everything it stands for i'll just say it. the true beginning of awsten using annoying blunt lyrics out of fear of being misinterpreted because media literacy in most places has gone downhill and it's supposed to be honest by making fun of what fans want of him as well as airing out his relationship in a way. god he sounds so annoying in here and i get that's supposed to be the point but goddddddd. musically it's just some pop folk song but none of you care about that i know you want to know the other stuff. this song is probably the start to the end with it going viral on tiktok and beginning the divide between fans that became fans through the scene and fans that found them through tiktok. i fucking hate this song and its impact on parx today and the fact that it's their most popular song and a mainstay of the setlist will forever make me bitter because they have so many better songs and also christmas is more popular on tiktok and he still refuses to play it because he is a pussy - 0/10

war crimes - ok back to songs i can stomach. a driving song about awsten dealing with his peers in the scene and his isolation with his real friends being back home in texas while he moved to la. along with this, he still has to balance his feelings with the breakup all while being perceived by the public. it mostly deals with awsten truly having to become independent of all of these things and stand up for himself (no i still don't know who the coke thing is about there's too many people). musically, it shifts a lot of different ways from the light chorus to the more brooding verses. good song. - 7/10

[reboot] - he's white boy rapping again. this is never a good thing. it's literally just a breakup song again shocker. throws a lot of digs at ciara with wordplay that i can't really hear unless i read the lyrics because it sounds he's scatting. i just remember this song bc i remember he made a whole deal about how he was trying to avoid being misogynistic on this album bc of the subject matter (specifically calling girls a bitch) and then he used the chew toy metaphor to indirectly call her a bitch anyways. yeah. i think some parts of the production are interesting specifically the stuttering halts in the second verse but other than that. whatever. - 3/10

worst - i remember when the original demo leaked because it was around the same time of the felony steve mixtape. it was a weird time. has some of the Lyrics of All Time and i mean this in a bad way. remember when i said awsten makes some cringy rap references this is one of the ones i mean:

why. why. why. this is not a line that works when you're white. i think the chorus in the album version sounds more interesting at least production wise. does that mean it's a good song? no. this is a song that makes me hold the bridge of my nose and go "oh god why this is clearly something you wrote in the moment" - 4/10

zone out - a chiptune reprise of the dream boy chorus. awsten says that putting it at this point in the album is meant to come off sarcastic, but to me i feel like it sounds more defeated than anything. more of a "what now?" moment. i like it, sue me. - 6/10

i felt younger when we met - the beginning and ending to the cycle of his relationship with ciara and his fans watching. here, he mourns the things he misses about her and the things he did for her. it's the emotional core of the album combining the heavy electronics strung throughout the album with the big guitar led chorus leading the album back to the beginning because things just don't stop at that point. it's a great closer that does its job of being the emotional crux of the album of losing someone you end up making up and missing over and over - 8/10

i'll be honest with you i haven't listened to fandom in full since it actually leaked in 2019. i brushed off the album at the time because me and my friends had our own little drama with awsten (and his la friends who aren't even his friends anymore ironically) because he was tiring. trying to preach ideas and people that would do the same things he hated because he was away from his real friends back home. i was tired of what he was trying to come off as.

nowadays i'm still tired of him sometimes, but i think his time offline has made the idea of him more palatable; when he's not trying to quip with the sardonic teens that make up his fans today, it's easier to remember him as a person. when he's not online, he's probably buying groceries or having lunch with a friend, working and writing music in his apartment or a studio.

it begs the question on an album named fandom (that doesn't call out its fanbase nearly as much as deal with the emotional turmoil of a breakup) on how we perceive each other and how that can come crumbling down when reality hits. i can try and compartmentalize awsten the ideal and awsten the reality in my head, but do most people even realize that divide should be there?

it's probably the thing to comment on considering the existence of this blog, the way it lives in surveillance from both fans and the band + associates themselves because we say things that aren't nice but are true or just straight up fuck around for fun. the fourth wall between fans and creators grows more blurred and blurred with each day. there's something to comment on this about cycles of hypocrisy from everyone on all sides but i'll leave it at this: whatever we do on here, whether make a joke or point, becomes some fodder for spectacle in the same way awsten posts on any of his accounts. it's a cycle.

i won't lie, i still think this album sucks. most of the songs just don't hit the mark for me or are just straight up embarrassing and half the time i want to shake awsten and tell him “you are not kanye west, you are a bitch ass white boy from cypress”. however as an album, it does feel like one big piece all puzzled in together. it loops from beginning to end.

and the cycle keeps going on and on..... - iz

#i can't promise most of this makes sense but. it's here #track by track

[dumdaradumdaradum]

Happy shardiya navratri,

So the festive season has officially begun, huh.. where did the year go? Anyways we're not here for that.

I see everyone sharing their thoughts an excitement about navratri/Durga puja and i kind of want to share my own.

Navratri in my house is vastly different from that in Gujarat/west bengal/jharkhand, basically all the states popular for their loud and colorful celebration.

We dont necessarily play garba at nights or organise huge pandals for a community get together. I mean we do have pandals and all here, and people throng in huge numbers but it's not part of tradition. It's more of an acknowledgement to traditions of other states.

In fact my experience of Navratri is very different and subdued. Here, we get up early and we all feel the floral incense in the air, a little more than usual. You can easily hear people doing the path of Durga saptashati out loud, something we don't do normally (i mean the out loud part).

The atmosphere isn't loud but it's impactful.

The weather is a little more pleasant than it was on ganesh chaturthi. I specifically wait for the kirtan in a nearby temple, every evening, which is now a norm.

The idol of maa Durga is quite possibly the most beautiful. New lehenga for her, new bangles, new mukut,, everything changes but somehow the change feels more reassuring than daunting.

Personally I listen to Lalitha sahasranamam every day, if possible.

And it's just, it's a vibe that i can't possibly put in words but it's very specific to navratri.

We have a temple here called Tapeshwari devi and oh my god, once you step foot there you will change. The experience will imprint on your soul. I remember I went there a few years back for the first time, it felt as if I've gone back in time.. i wish I would get a chance this year, it seems highly unlikely but I'm hoping.

I know a lot of people don't believe that uttar kand was originally part of Ramayana but Tapeshwari devi is dedicated to maa Sita. It is said she and three other women used to sit the for their tap. There are four idols here and no one knows which one is of sita.

Then there is this 1700 year old temple with 12 idols. The story is something i don't understand.

What I'm trying to say is that we have several centres of spiritual significance, dedicated to divine feminine but somehow instead of going the way temples of Bengal did, the expression here became something else entirely.

Durga puja is a tapas for artisans and a place for community to collaborate and bond.

Navratri is here is not like that. Sure you will find a fair kind of setting outside the temples but it's not the same.

This has become the time to seek wisdom but on your own, in a way that might feel isolating. Instead of focusing a part of energy on epressig the devotion in beautiful artistic ways, that energy is directed inwards entirely.

Sigh. Anyways, my rant is not over I've just run out of words. || Masterlist || part 2

#the peace i feel during this time #every morning #navratri #navdurga #desiblr #desi moodboards #desi tumblr #navratri aesthetic #moodboards

[riftwalker-limbro]

I know I sent you numbers last night. I doubt I was the only one. I don't care, I'm dumping more rotations on you bc i need to know and it's Topical (get excitedly listened to idiot)

Does Pride exist in your verse in any capacity? If yes, how is it celebrated? And how do your OCs specifically celebrate?

you were in fact the only one and i am mentally sending you a very tight hug about it

you're tormenting me with my own limited drawing abilities so fucking much. do you even know.

well, you know that my verse is enormously self-indulgent. therefore, this post is going to be enormously self-indulgent by definition as well. if i manage to do this right it is going to be sickening levels of wholesome. you've been warned

first,

general setting exploration.

i think that all the -phobia nonsense is, well, nonsense, so i think that people in my verse should have gotten over all of that and instead everyone's just chill with each other in that regard. there's still other kinds of discourse but none like that anymore.

therefore, the part of pride's purpose that's "this is a riot, we're here, get used to it" is fulfilled. instead, in my universe, i think it'd be fun to make it more of a kind of.. celebration of all kinds of love thing. like valentine's day but less individualistic, more just the concept itself and all of its variations on the same level. idk i don't celebrate valentine's day myself or know anything about how others do bc it's just. Not That Big except for corporate nonsense around me

it should still be celebrated with parades and rainbows and music and joy and flag-waving and hugs between strangers and just-being-together because i've only ever been to a parade myself once and the atmosphere was fucking incredible. trying to recreate that vibe here with the extreme limitations of the written word is not doing it justice. i think that pride month would still be a thing and people could wear rainbow-colored things to everyday activities and functions. you know where i'm going with this

and now

the fun character-specific stuff.

(disclaimer after side-eyeing this section for half an hour: this was Harder Than I Thought what the Hell. so it doesn't explore Everyone. this is going to be on the brain for the rest of the month though.)

the one who popped into my mind immediately is verica, pre-warframe - she'd sponsor her own whole float and just spend the whole parade making music with her band on it. once she meets pule and jay they help out too - pule's running around the float and handing out freebies/snacks; jay's doing something more behind-the-scenes, probably driving the float. another image in my head immediately is either or both of the academics wearing inconspicuous rainbow items to their respective lectures/lab hours/meetings during pride month. they now both own several pairs of rainbow socks for specifically this. maybe a (bow) tie. it is so unfair that i'm completely out of drawing juice right now. i am mentally screaming at my drawing tablet

during warframe era... hm. having trouble coming up with anything for parades beyond "they would go to at least one a year with the full hyena squad" but they absolutely have rainbow paints and ribbons on board for the whole month. oh, and if only there was someone with a perfectly blank canvas of a hat somewhere. that he conveniently leaves off when he sleeps.

other assorted thoughts..

pule should get a shitty rainbow-colored paper crown.

verica should be able to make the little feather thing on her helmet change colours if she thinks about it really hard.

bruiser would go for the full body paint job. yes this is as chaotic and fun to apply as it sounds

kali learns verica's trick for Rainbow Fire. if this was a setting where people would still be nasty about it this would be an incredibly useful trick in addition to being obviously awesome

ohhh what if helver learns to do some kind of flame choreography for this specifically. i think that would be cool

#oh this turned into mainly the deimos squad jhgjg oops #today was a Day i've got limited brainworms to work with #ehhhh should i tag everyone. nah i'll just do #deimos triad #rift lore

[dickandballsdotgov]

carrd

I got the picrew from @girlcockdotgov !!!

Redone intro post time!!!

What's up epic gamers I'm Grey or Vira! I don't care much which name you use because I like them both a lot! I'm 16 and vibing out here

My pronoun preference order is she/he/it/any others. Any others means that if you find any neo/xenopronouns that you think might fit, use those! I generally don't have a huge preference except that you don't use they/them pronouns!

Ok there will be some more under the cut for those who want to truly learn ab me but dni time! Dni: terfs, homophobes, ect, if you believe in narc abuse, if you demonize any mental conditions, if you're pro-endogenic, MAPs/pedos, product/company blogs(except manscaped), taylor swift fans, and kpop blogs(terfs and pedos kys challenge💞)(kpop stan blogs not fans I think the music is pretty lit too)

I might violate your dni and if I do I'm sorry! Just lmk and I'll unfollow/unlike/delete the rb/whatever needs to be done!

Cut time! See you on the other side!

(Individual details will be separated by color) Okok so um about me...

I really really love music it is actually my life and oftentimes acts as a lens I view/navigate the world through. I have never met a single person as insane about music in any form as I am. This is my main personality trait and is inescapable I will inevitably try to indoctrinate you into listening to my music taste. I'm amab aka a dick and balls haver!! Very cool I usually present like a typical guy and like doing so but I also love femininity just as much! I'm a kind of big sports guy but not in the basketball bro or football dad way. I love anything related to cross country, track and field, swimming, diving, and lifting weights! I do all of these except diving competitively and lifting(as of now only cause i dont have a car or drivers license). I commonly consume content related to these on YouTube cause I always like learning more. My favorite twitch streamer is AstralSpiff! He's very cool I need to start posting about him and liveblogging streams because nobody is doing it like him or his chat.

Okok about me section over but I will elaborate if you ask!!

The sillies:

@bl00dyskies

@courtofclover

@monko-donko

@prettyboysmlm

@precambrianhottopic

@dogmoonphenomenon

@ollieollieoxenfreeee

@gayseball

@girlcockdotgov (HI HI HI HELO)

Umm I will add to this list as needed.

Okok time for my tags(yeah this is a mess):

• pics of me - #pls dont doxx me

• favorite posts ever/just want to save - #save forever tag

• running log - #zooming (discontinued)

• photography work - #zesty avocado cream sauce (you don't wanna know)

• pretty much anything explicitly referencing a penis - #penisposting

• men/furries with some big pecs aka body goals - #big tiddies tag

#intro post #save forever tag #so I don't lose it

[madness-of-alice]

First Kill Ep. 1 Reaction

This is going to be a very . . . uninhibited list of reaction thoughts I had during the first episode.

The opening credits are cool. I like the art with the real life. Also the song is kinda catchy?

Is the Netflix summary promoting Romeo and Juliet? Like. That ends in tragedy. It's not romantic. At all. You're already spoiling the ending.

OMG. IT OPENS WITH A MAKEOUT SCENE. Oh wait…

"Juliette". I see what you did there.

Oh, typical angst teenager "no one understands me my life could be over if I'm vulnerable" monologue. Okay.

I'M SORRY. WERE THOSE GIRLS GETTING ENGAGED OR PROMISE RING'D? WHO EVEN DOES THAT IN HIGH SCHOOL???

How many pills did she pop? Of course she needs refills often. Good lord, girl. Don't you understand how a body builds tolerance to drugs? Girl, that was NOT all the drugs you dropped when you ran into her. They scattered.

Jeez, Calliope is so put together. No wonder Juliette is nervous.

"I don't want to kill. Killing is wrong. I don't want to hurt anyone." It occurs to me that I find that sort of thing in characters annoying. Denying their nature for 'morality'. 'Cause. Like. THAT always ends well.

I'M SORRY. DOES ELINOR KEEP THE IDS OF ALL OF HER KILLS? HOW BALLER IS THAT. Also, if she ever gets caught, all those cold cases will be solved. You think Juliette is going to get you all exposed? I think a drawer full of dead people's IDs will do that better.

Crying blood? OH SHIT. Yeah, that'll expose you.

Right, because that bold color is more her than the nude-ish color she had on earlier.

No, Ben. You're gonna get your heart broken. Noooooo. Buddy. … Listen, Ben is more of a wingman than Juliette is. Something happened with Noah. I can FEEL it, but he's putting aside his heartbreak because Juliette's girl is here.

Oh gurl. Sultry eyes and the reciprocated checking out of the body.

YES, REAL ALCOHOL REACTION OF "ew". DAMN STRAIGHT. Alcohol is nasty at high school frat boy's house.

OMG. SHIT GURL JUST GO FOR IT. OH GURL. DOMINATE THAT KISS. OH SHIT. SWITCH SWITCH. PUSH HER INTO THAT COUNTERTOP.

Wait, is this the cherry jar scene?

OH SHIT It's the Cherry Jar scene.

OH SHIT SHE BIT HER.

Oh good, they switched to Calliope's point of view halfway through. Such a different vibe. Very strong, eager to prove herself, but also very sterotypical teenage 'ugh' frustration. Grow up.

YAS MAMA. GET THOSE BOYS OUT CHA WAY.

Do the hunters also age slower or something? Those rituals and burning sage and sea salt? Cause them boys don't look much younger than Mama Talia.

What's so special about souls and wars and Oooohhhh…. do they not just hunt vampires?

No. The answer is no. They don't just hunt vampires.

At least the Dad looks older than the sons.

Cal's gonna fuck up, isn't she? Glasses Bro is gonna get hurt, isn't he?

Uh, aren't you gonna take anything else besides swords? What if you run into something else along the way?

LOUNGING GHOUL? Like wolf whistle Come Get Me.

OH SHIT. IS THE DAD GOING TO GET HURT? No? Whew.

Envelopes? So secretive? They're just gonna get tossed. Like, why? Why waste that paper. Just TEXT the cover assignment. Or is it because you, the family matriarch, wants to make it a "special thing", which is only alienating your daughter, lbh.

I like how they filmed that video call. Slick.

Oh I see what they're doing. Both need a first kill and they're gonna try not to make it each other. Yikes.

Do they? Do they underestimate you? OH SHIT. CALLIOPE KNEW THE WHOLE TIME.

OH SHIT. I CALLED IT. JULES DIDN'T GET ALL THE PILLS.

Oh, no. Calliope is gonna make it her.

Daywalker. Pffft.

Oh hey, that's actually kinda slick, watching around the corner with a camera.

Oh shit there's a stake.

OH SHIT SHE USED THE STAKE.

Final Thoughts: So, like. Based on what I've seen on Tumblr, a lot of people are invested in the Mama's interactions. Which, who can blame them. They're attractive. But these teenage girls. Are such teenage girls, and I don't know if I can take them seriously? I might have to go into this series just expecting cheese and awkward. And as someone who is easily second hand embarrassed, this will be very interesting and kind of difficult to watch.

#First Kill #television

[dorefasolsido]

23.

What are your plans for the day ahead?

Going to see a German film with my friend from the course and, of course, work.

What was the last thing you cleaned?

The shower this morning.

When do you go to your soonest appointment?

Don't have any.

What did you last order online?

I think I ordered some chicken from a nearby fast food restaurant.

Can you see any bottles from where you’re sitting?

Yeah, two bottles.

What time do you usually try to wind down in the evening?

Around 3-4 AM. But my sleep has been dreadful lately, so I'm planning to start going a bit earlier.

What’s something you have been putting off?

Hmmmmmmm, ah something to do with taxes and stuff. Regulating my work status, basically. I despise administration, but I'll really have to resolve that soon.

What restaurants do you frequently eat at?

This sushi place.

Do you like banana pudding with a lot of bananas or more vanilla wafers?

I don't know if I really have a preference here.

How many books would you guess you’ve read in the last 5 years?

Oof, no idea. I've read so much, and then lately almost nothing at all.

What was the last message you sent?

Hmmmm, it was something to my best friend, but I don't remember what now.

Have you ate anything green today? What’s your favorite way to add greens to your diet?

Hmmm no. I don't eat that much green in the first place, but I love Chinese and Korean food and they usually has lots of veggies.

When did you last light a candle or incense?

I don't remember at all.

Is it currently warm where you are?

Yes, but it's slowly getting chillier!

Have you ever fallen out of bed?

When I was younger, maybe.

What do you like on your hot dogs or burgers?

If it's a really really good burger like we have in my hometown, only sour cream. Otherwise, loads of condiments.

Are you currently listening to anything?

Nope.

What’s your favorite thing to do outside?

Take walks, explore new parts of the city, jog.

Are there any celebrities that you are a big fan of?

Yes, BTS boys. Maybe Billie Eilish too? But I don't really keep up with everything she does, I just like her music and think she's cool.

Do you ever watch award shows?

Not usually.

Do you usually run out of shampoo or conditioner first?

Probably shampoo since I don't condition nearly as often or as much as I should.

Do you have any LED lights in your home?

Don't quote me on this, but I think they are all LED.

What is your biggest challenge?

Self-acceptance.

What was the last sweet thing you’ve eaten?

I ate a chocolate a bit earlier.

Do you prefer buying new clothes or thrift shopping for clothes?

I normally buy new clothes, but only because I'm not in the habit of looking for thrift shops. I am thinking of starting to though.

What is something you need right now?

Sleep.

What’s something you like that is blue?

Sky.

Have you treated yourself today?

Yup, with that delicious cream and strawberry fizzy drink, my new addiction.

Have you ever traveled alone?

Not totally alone, no.

What color is your most worn jacket/hoodie?

Probably black.

Who is someone you would like to get to know more?

Hmm, well my editor seems pretty interesting. We already work together a lot, so I'm just generally curious about him as a person. Especially now that I saw he's so different irl than when he's in the editor mode. I was shocked.

What toy do you miss the most from your childhood?

Hmm, I can't say I miss a specific toy. I do miss my childhood though.

Have you ever lost something valuable to you?

I have.

What or who has impacted your life the most?

Parents, best friend.

Would you say you are toxic in any way?

Well I think my avoidant tendencies are toxic. I'm trying to figure that out.

What’s one of your favorite memories from the past year?

Definitely the gig I went to with my friends in the summer.

How often do you use a straw?

No idea, but I'm sure it's fairly rarely.

What’s your current favorite song?

I've been vibing with Like Crazy again a lot.

What are some books you’d recommend to someone?

Convenience Store Woman! I can't stress this enough.

#personal #surveys

[chitsangenthusiast]

"sokka can see shrimp colors," i say into the mic.

the crowd boos. i begin to walk off in shame, when a voice speaks and commands silence from the room.

"they're right." i look for the owner of the voice. there in the 5th row stands: myself, but in a fake moustache and shoving all debunked shrimp colors facts out of frame.

#i FORGOT #in my last-day-of-zukka-week EXHAUSTION #THAT THE SHRIMP THING WAS DEBUNKED WHEN I WROTE IT AS AN ENDNOTE ON 'GOLD IN THE AIR OF SUMMER' LMAO #I EVEN LIKED/REBLOGGED THE POST!!!!!! #damn near cried with laughter when i saw ppl go 'alright well no' in their comments lmfao #listen i run on ~colors~ and ~*vibes*~ here don't try to use your fancy logic at me lmfao #w your FACTS and PEER-REVIEWED SCIENCE ARTICLES #anyway thank you for the comments on that fic and for everyone even reading it!! v appreciated and SUPER appreciated the laughs!!

[jeonggukkiepabo]

CRYSTAL SNOW ❄ MYG

SUMMARY: Christmas has always been a stressful time for Yoongi: buying presents, decorating the tree, baking cookies, you name it-Yoongi does it. It wouldn't be so difficult if Yoongi had someone to help him, but all he has left in his life is his beautiful daughter Ara.But maybe this year, he won't be all alone.

GENRE: christmas fluff  ❄ a bit of smut

WORD COUNT: 7,3k

WARNINGS: f l u f f, single parent yoongi, kindergarten teacher y/n, oral, satoori, domestic christmas vibes :(, mentions of death

AUTHOR’S NOTE: the secret collab is finally here! thanks @kimtaehyunq​ for letting me join💞 i’m so excited to read the other fics as well! & thank you Mags for doing this amazing banner I think this is the prettiest banner I've ever had. 🤧 Tysm love💞

MERRY CHRISTMAS

People usually say she looks a lot like her father, but all Yoongi sees in Ara is his wife. Wherever his daughter goes, his wife's ghost follows, the memory of his teenage love and the wonderful years they spent together until she left their lives.

Min Dasom died almost one year after Ara was born, her death coming too sudden for anyone to bid their last goodbyes-leaving her husband and baby heartbroken and alone.

It was awful, Yoongi won't be able to forget that one night the police called him, telling him that his precious wife drowned in the ocean during her monthly trip to the beach with her friends. 

Ever since that call, Yoongi has never stepped near a beach again, never felt hot sand between his toes again, never went swimming again.

It was hard, being a single parent and Yoongi was tempted to give up many times, but seeing Ara grow and bloom into the beautiful girl she is now, Yoongi is beyond thankful that he survived the pain and sorrow.  

He never drowned his thoughts in alcohol because his sunshine always looked at him with her sad little eyes, almost as if she knew what he wanted to do and hugged his legs tightly until Yoongi set the bottle away and picked Ara up and spent the night cuddling her.

Things got easier as soon as Ara was old enough to finally go to kindergarten, allowing Yoongi to work more hours and on a daily basis again. It's not like he needed a lot of money, it's just that Yoongi needs to work. 

He's used to working all the time, he's always been-because working doesn't give him time to think about the tragedy that is his life.

Money wasn't an issue for the Min family, Yoongi used to be one of the most successful pianists and producers in South Korea, but he gave up on that as soon as Ara was born, just to have time for his family.

His friend Hyunjin offered him a job as a songwriter and composer at his own label JinHit Entertainment. 

Yoongi could work from home whenever he wanted and needed to, but the studio Hyunjin set him up was way better and filled with new technology that Yoongi loved playing and experimenting with.

The acclimatization to her new daily routine wasn't easy for Ara because she wasn't used to having women in her life-until now, it has always been Yoongi and Ara. They ended up switching kindergarten two times before Ara came into the one that you've been working at for a while now-instantly falling in love with you.

The first few days with your new reference child we're quite… interesting because the little girl was full of action and so curious about every little thing in the room that you couldn't sit still and talk to her father for a while because Ara grabbed your hand and pulled you towards the next game she wanted to play.

Her father, Min Yoongi, sent you an apologetic smile as he watched you play with his daughter from a distance, giving you time to get used to each other and build a bond. You winked at him as you took a seat next to Ara and started to explain the rules of the board game to her-impressed about how well she was understanding them.

It didn't take Ara a long time to send Yoongi home, waving him goodbye and pressing a loud kiss onto his lips. "Go and work, Appa! Uncle Hyunjinnie waits for you to make good music!"

Yoongi looked at her with a pout, crossing his arms over his chest. "You're telling me to leave? Just to go and work? That is rude, princess."

You giggled and hugged Ara as she ran over to you, Yoongi long forgotten.

"Would you like to bring your dad to the door, Ara? I think he might be sad if you won't. Remember: he won’t see you for a few hours and you don’t want your dad to be sad during lunch, right?"

Ara giggled but nodded nonetheless and grabbed Yoongi by the hand. "Hurry!"

Yoongi looked at you in shock, desperately trying to hold in his laugh. "I think you gave me Ara's evil twin instead of my sweet little princess! Where is my nice girl that always kisses Appa goodbye?"

You shrugged your shoulders playfully as one of the other kids asked for you to help him with building a big tower out of building blocks. "Have a nice day, Mr Min. Oh and make sure you won't forget about our appointment on Thursday! I don't think it'll take longer than an hour, it's just to talk about Ara's development so far."

Yoongi was one of the few parents that were always punctual, not even a minute too late-and the only parent you've never felt any kind of rage towards. Not only that, but he attended every kindergarten fest, always prepared little cupcakes for Ara's birthday to bring with her to kindergarten and share with her friends.

May was rolling around quickly and you were as eager as always to craft some little gifts for the children to give their mothers. 

You prepared some candle wax and melted it so the kids could fill it in plastic forms and add glitter and scent to their preference, just to have a nice little gift to give. 

Most of the kids had fun, some of them were a bit grumpy because they got glitter all over themselves, but there is one little girl pouting and trying not to cry in front of them, not even touching the wax.

Ara.

It breaks your heart every time, knowing that Ara's mother died years ago and that she probably had no other woman in her life because you’ve already heard that her father works quite a lot. 

Squatting down next to the little girl, you gently pinch her stomach just to hear her little giggles. 

"What's wrong, sweetheart? Don't you want to make a nice candle?"

Ara looks up at you, one single tear slipping out of her eye. "I don't have a mom, so no candle for me."

You coo, playing with Ara's hair as you stand up again, leading her towards the crafting table.

"That doesn't matter, Ara. I think your dad will be happy to get a candle too! We can pick a different color than pink, what do you think does he like the most? I’m sure we will find something!"

Ara taps her chin, smiling slightly as she thinks about Yoongi's favorite color. "Black! He wears black clothes! Always! Do we have black glitter, Y/N?" 

She scrunches her nose at the first few oils, but one scent really lights up her face. "This smells like Appa! Can we use this?" 

"We do, I didn't put it on the table because usually nobody wants it so it sits on the shelf, all by itself. I think the glitter finally deserves to be used!" You smile at the kid, grabbing the small container of glitter from the shelf and handing it over to Ara.

"We do have a few scents, would you like to smell them? Choose whichever you think smells the best and we can put a few drops in the wax,' you offer the bowl of different oils to Ara and help her open the lids.

Ara holds up the little bottle of rose oil and you smile to yourself. Black roses, that really seems to fit the impression you have of Mr. Min.

"Of course. Now, let's mix the glitter with the wax and we can put it into the mold. Alright, now stir it while i put in a few drops of the rose oil, okay?"

You guide her through the process, talking to her and listening to her rambling about the piano lessons Mr. Min gives her on a regular basis, just because Ara wants to be like her favorite man in the world.

"He is a great dad, Ara. You're so lucky to have him, I know that he must be sad sometimes too, but you're such a sunshine and help him as much as he helps you," you hug her from the side, enjoying the way Ara leans into the hug as well.

"I want a mom, but Appa is almost like a mom! He lets me paint his nails, goes to ballet with me and always bakes princess cookies for our tea parties!"

Ara giggles as she dips the wick into the liquid wax.

"Appa needs a woman to love, the only dates he goes to are work-dates with uncle Hyunjin," she says.

And yes, you think so as well.

One day around September, you decide that it’s definitely hot enough to prepare the blow-up outside pool for the kids, allowing them to change into their swimsuits and let them play around, even adding some bubbles to the water to let them experiment.

Mr. Min smiles at you, his gums fully showing and you can’t help but smile as well as you hear his words.

“And I think there’s no job that you could do better than this one.”

You’re sitting next to the pool on a bench in the shadow, reading some books to those few kids that don’t want to hop into the water as Ara jumps out of the pool.

“Y/N, come inside as well, it’s so nice!” She jumps up and down, her wet ponytail dripping onto her shoulders.

You pout, pointing to the kids next to you. “I can’t, you know that some of the kids are still afraid to go into the water with so many other children around. Maybe next time. Now, go and enjoy it, it’s super hot and I don’t know when autumn will come around and surprise us with bad weather!”

Ara nods quickly, hopping back into the water and continues splashing some water around with her friends, but she glances at you every few seconds. Then, she whispers with her two best friends before all three of them nod as they look at you.

Suddenly, they run towards you, surprising you with wet hugs and loud giggles, leaving your white summer dress almost see through.

Suddenly, there’s someone clearing his throat right behind you and you wish you could sink deep down into the pool once you see that it’s Mr. Min. 

“Girls!,” you can’t help but yelp, the cold water causing you to jump up from the bench. Yet, you laugh with them, the cooling really helping you with the heat.

“You can’t just do that, Ara. Look at my dress now, you can almost see through it, you’re lucky that the parents won’t come in within the next two hours, otherwise they would see me like this,” you try to look stern, but to be honest: you would have done the same if you were Ara.

“Ara, why did you do that?,” he asks with his calm voice and tries his best not to look at your hardening nipples under the dress. 

Ara’s bottom lip trembles as she looks at you with sad eyes. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I just thought it would be funny…”

Mr. Min turns to you and bows slightly. “I’m sorry, she shouldn’t have done that. And well, I came to pick her up earlier because we will visit her grandparents over the weekend. I should’ve informed you earlier. Is there any way I can help you with your… erm, dress?”

Mr. Min nods at you, picking up his-still wet-daughter as he looks you up and down slow enough to leave goosebumps all over your skin once again. 

You blush, shaking your head as you grab Ara’s clothes and hand her to her father.

“It’s alright, Mr. Min, it’s not your fault-and a water fight is too much fun to just not do it, right, Ara? It’s sunny enough so I’ll just bring the bench into the sun and I’ll be dry soon enough! I hope you’re having fun with your grandparents, Ara! Have a nice weekend, Mr. Min.”

“It’s alright, Mr. Min, really. You don’t know how many children happen to call one of us mom without realizing it. It’s nothing too wild, I’ve gotten used to it and I think especially in Ara’s case… It was supposed to happen, you know? I mean, I don’t want to intrude on your private life, but I suppose you’re not seeing another person and Ara isn’t growing up with other females, so she takes those she sees here as a female person to bond with, you know?”

“Thank you, mommy! Oh… I mean Y/N..,” Ara quirps as he turns around in her father’s arms, even though it doesn’t look like she’s really sorry at all.

“Ara!” Mr. Min gasps as he looks at his daughter. 

Yoongi shakes his head. “I haven’t seen another woman ever since my wife died. Ara is the only woman in my life, the only one I give all my love to. She deserves it,” he sighs. “But you’re right, I think another female person would really help her with growing up. I just don’t want to introduce her to some random woman I might not even want to spend the rest of my life with. Is this egoistic?”

His honest words hit you, knowing how lonely he must be, all alone with his little girl and a bunch of work he has to do. “It’s not, Mr. Min. You don’t have to date just because you think it would be the best for Ara. There are many single fathers that raise their kids perfectly fine and I think you’re one of them! Ara never tells bad stories about you and I think you’re doing a really good job, spending all of your free time with her and allowing her to experience so many fun things. I’ve met so many ‘happy’ families that didn’t even manage to pack breakfast for their kids, so really, don’t break your head over something like this! I’m happy that Ara accepted me so much and that she always comes to me whenever she has a problem. This is why I chose my job.”

Over the next few months, Mr. Min is all that’s on your mind, even though you know how unprofessional it is, but he’s even kinder to you than he’s been before. You usually have a small chat with every parent whenever they bring or pick up their children, but Mr. Min makes sure to always catch you and ask you about your day, if there’s anything new in your life and you can’t help but ask him about his work and the songs he’s been working on as well.

“Ah, it’s really stressful right now. I’m working with this band that’s debuting soon and we have to prepare and finish the entire album I wrote about five songs for. They’re really good but still so young, I think the oldest is 16? Or was it 17? Whatever, that’s like ten years younger than me! I think I’ll grow grey hair soon when I keep on working with such young idols,” he sighs playfully as he helps Ara to put on her shoes and jacket. 

“I mean, you’re not that old, Mr. Min. Don’t worry-as long as you keep that handful smile you will look like you’re straight out of some perfume poster. But I’d love to listen to one of your songs! I mean, if you’d let me,” you smile with honesty as you hand Ara her backpack. 

Mr. Min shrugs, pulling his phone out of his pocket as he opens his Spotify account. He types something in and turns the screen towards you. AGUST D, it says. You scrunch your eyes at the name, trying to remember where you’ve known it from, but it doesn’t ring a bell right now. 

“I’ll make sure to listen to some of your songs, I hope they aren’t too sad though, I prefer my music to be more… pop and rock?”

You cringe at your own words, hoping that the man knows what you were trying to say. 

And fuck, you did like it. Turns out that AGUST D wasn’t some softie that plays guitar lullabies, no. 

Yoongi cracks a grin, then winks at you playfull before he takes Ara’s hand after she said goodbye to you.

“I think you’re going to like it.”

AGUST D seems to be one of the best rappers in the music industry that you’ve ever been listening to. He sounds so aggressive and fast that you needed to listen twice to some of his songs to understand what he was saying, but you ended up adding much more songs into your playlist than you’d like to tell him.

But you did tell him.

“Oh, I’m not doing that crazy rap thing anymore. It was a phase, I guess. By now, I use the name to help smaller musicians and trainees, produce their songs and write their lyrics. It’s better to do so with a bigger name, but AGUST D died a long time ago, I guess I killed him.” Mr. Min says the next day.

"I mean, as long as you keep all of them on Spotify, I'm alright with that. Most of those songs match my aggressive driving vibe and I can't imagine driving to work without it." You try to joke before you realize what it must've sounded like. "Oh lord, I didn't mean it like that!" 

You blush, trying to hide your reddened cheeks in your palms, but Mr. Min just laughs it off.

"Don't worry, I get what you mean. I usually play Love Talk as soon as i leave this building."

He even has the audacity to wink at you before he leaves with a grin, causing Ara to coo.

"Appa really likes you if he teases you!"

And the teasing goes on and on, there’s almost no day without a snarky comment from Mr. Min or a sarcastic comment from you-but neither of you takes those words to heart because that’s what you need in your lives, someone to laugh with, someone to make jokes with.

Even though there are plenty of other children in your group and so many parents you talk to daily, the only one you’re happy to see in the afternoon is Mr. Min.

The summer is long gone and fall said goodbye a few weeks ago, December came around and your little crush on Mr. Min isn’t as little anymore-and you can’t help yourself but wonder if he might be into you as well. You’ve shared a few noons talking about Ara’s development and if she’s ready for school next September, but most of the times you didn’t talk about the girl for more than thirty minutes before one of you switched the topic to something more private as the man leans closer to you and locks his gaze with yours.

You’re not as nervous around him as you were before and you can feel him starting to open up towards you as well. Yet, you’ve never met outside of the kindergarten, knowing it would be way too unprofessional and you’d never want to ruin the wonderful bond you share with Ara just because you’re desperate to jump into her father’s lap and call him Daddy too.

You’re not one of those women to go into a club and have a dirty one night stand with a random stranger, but you’ve been too busy to actually go and meet people, so you’ve kind of gotten used to being alone, even though you’re really missing late night cuddles and Disney marathons.

It’s Saturday afternoon and you’ve been strolling through the mall for a while now, looking for some christmas presents for your friends and family-but also wanting to treat yourself because work has been more than just exhausting lately.

You’ve been handling the entire group alone, having a lot more smaller children because new kids have been coming to kindergarten and having to deal with so many parents alone can be pure hell. Sadly enough you’re living all by yourself, only having a few close friends that don’t understand why you’re even doing this underpaid job and your last relationship crashed almost two years ago.

The mall looks amazing, beautiful christmas ornaments are hanging from the ceiling and there must be someone playing the piano somewhere because the soft melodic tunes fill the entire mall, reminding you of Mr. Min once again.

You just stepped out of a lingerie store, something you’re really passionate about even though nobody but yourself sees you in it, but you love the feeling of lace on your skin, love how beautifully the soft colors compliment your skin and love imagining Mr. Min ripping the soft material off you.

The small paper bag in your hand, you look around for another shop that might hold the next christmas present for one of your friends. 

“Appa, please! I already have a picture but we need you to have one too!”

You know that voice too well to ignore it, searching the area for the small owner of it, giggling as you found her. Ara and Mr. Min are in the Santa area of the mall that gives you the ability to sit on Santa’s lap and take a picture with him as you tell him your biggest christmas wishes.

But the little girl is not sitting on Santa’s lap, she’s trying to push her father towards the man with the fake beard, clearly wanting him to sit down on that lap.

You giggle, walking towards them just to find out what’s going to happen.

“Ara, I’m too old and heavy for poor Santa, I think he prefers girls your age-wait, no not like that. I think he likes boys and girls-ugh. You’re driving me crazy, princess. Look, there’s a few other kids wanting to have their time with Santa as well, why don’t we just leave and try to find some more presents from the giftshop here, hm?” The man tries to talk his daughter into leaving the uncomfortable situation, but Ara is as stubborn as ever-she always gets what she wants, especially from her father.

“But… I want you to have pictures with Santa too!” She pouts, looking over at the confused Santa before she hears your giggle. “Y/N!”

Mr. Min turns around, a shocked expression on his face and a soft pink tint on his cheeks.

“Oh, Ms. Y/L/N. What a surprise.”

You giggle even more, stepping closer towards them. “Hello Ara, good afternoon Mr. Min,” you bow slightly before accepting the little girl’s hug. 

“I see, you really want to sit on Santa’s lap, but Ara doesn’t want to let you because she’d be embarrassed.” 

Yoongi hums in agreement. “Horrible, those children. I mean, I just want a nice christmas picture with Santa, but you know how they are… right before puberty hits them.”

“Y/N, Appa doesn’t want to take a picture with Santa, would you sit on his lap and take a picture for me?” Ara looks up at you with her big eyes and like always, you can’t say no. Instead, you hand Mr. Min your bags-not thinking about the fact that one of them is from the lingerie store-before taking Ara’s hand and walking over to the smiling Santa.

The picture is quickly taken and not even five minutes later, Mr. Min hands you your bags, whispering, so Ara wouldn’t hear you. “I think the peach one will suit you the best.”

Ara nods and rips the bags out of Mr. Min’s hands to show you her cute dresses and bows while the man just stares at you with an open mouth. Did you really just say that to him? 

You gasp, hiding the bags behind your back but who are you to deny the fact that this man is the exact reason you stepped into the store?

“Thank you, I hope someone will get to see them before Christmas. It would be a shame to waste those pretty pieces for some lame mirror selfies,” you smile innocently before squatting down next to Ara. “Did you buy something nice yet?”

“Appa, we wanted to get hot chocolate, can Y/N come too please?”

Yoongi is speechless once more as he quietly follows his daughter and her kindergarten teacher towards the mall’s cafe-realizing that he shouldn’t have chosen his tightest pair of skinny jeans because somehow, they got quite uncomfortable as soon as you arrived.

Yoongi raises an eyebrow at his daughter before he picks up all the dresses that Ara tried to shove back into the bags. “If she wants, she’s welcome to join, but I think you should ask her first, maybe she is busy.”

You blush at the invitation, not sure whether to accept it or not-but you’re not one to decline on hot chocolate. Smiling at Ara, you nod. “Show me where to get the best hot chocolate, I’m craving something sweet and thick down my throat.”

He watches you as Ara grabs your hand and swings them around with a soft giggle, heart warming as he sees your fond smile.

Ara talks about you a lot-hell, Yoongi asks about you a lot whenever Ara doesn't want to talk about you but watch her favorite show.

It's unprofessional and probably not allowed, Yoongi knows, but Ara leaves for school in March anyways, so who cares? 

It's obvious to the both of you that you're interested in each other, the flirting and teasing coming to a point where Yoongi can't wait for another snarky remark of yours.

And now that he has the chance to sit and talk with you outside of your workplace, you just chose to buy a bag full of fucking beautiful lingerie (yes, Yoongi looked inside, no, he doesn't regret it).

Ara leads you into this beautiful cat cafe that apparently has "The best hot chocolate and bubble tea, but it's too cold for bubble tea… Can they make hot bubble tea?" as Ara says, earning a harsh "no" from Yoongi, because that's something he wishes for as well.

"Go find a place with Mr. Y/L/N, Ara. I'll get your order, yeah? What can I order for you?" Yoongi looks at you as he pulls out his wallet, giving you some time to read the menu.

"Oh, the candy cane hot chocolate, please! And please, as long as we are not talking inside the kindergarten, call me Y/N. I mean, you've seen my underwear, I think you deserve to call me by my name."

Yoongi blushes, nodding and rushes towards the cashier to order your drinks. You smile at the man, then at the cats-they look somewhat similar-before you sit down next to Ara who is currently petting four cats on her lap.

"They're adorable," you coo, "Do you have any pets?"

Ara nods with a big smile and hands you one of the cats, a pretty one with orange fur and big eyes. 

"I have a turtle! Gukkie gave it to me and Appa didn't like it first, but I love her!"

You enjoy the cat's purring as you gently stroke her chin. "A turtle sounds lovely, I hope you can show it to me one day."

"Oh, that won't be a problem, I can invite you for dinner and Appa will get shy and red in the face, but he wouldn't say no because he's super soft for-" "ALPACAS! I'm soft for alpacas, haha, here we go, three hot chocolates."

Yoongi appears with a pained expression as he places your hot chocolate right in front of you.

"Thanks, Yoongi," you smile at the man and Yoongi swears that his heart stopped beating for a second. "I'm soft for Alpacas as well."

Right after you all finished your drinks, Ara decides that it’s time to walk through the mall once more, just to make sure that Santa is still there and will take another picture with hot chocolate-filled Ara. 

“Did you enjoy your date with Y/N, Appa?” She looks up at her father as you walk towards the mall. Yoongi trembles, blushing brightly. “I’m pretty sure this wasn’t a date, Ara. Don’t assume things like this, it’s rude,” he mumbles as he gently pets her head to make sure she isn’t hurt by his comment.

You giggle, whispering loud enough for Yoongi to hear. “I really liked it, Ara. Your Appa can be funny if he wants to.”

The picture with Santa comes out pretty, even though the man groaned as two grown adults decided to sit on each of his legs, the bright smiling Ara kneeling in front of them. But it’s really worth it, because Yoongi’s smile never leaves his lips this evening, gums showing beautifully on the picture and you quickly make sure to get a copy of that picture as well.

Yoongi’s eyes widen. “So was this a… you know?” It’s endearing, how shy he suddenly seems to be. You’ve never seen him like this. Stressed, overworked and happy - yes. Shy and blushing? Never.

You nod with a soft smile as you lay your hand on his shoulder.

“Yes, I’d like that to be a ‘you know what’, Yoongi.”

You can't even tell when the two of you officially started dating, but you'll never forget the first kiss you've shared during one of your walks-thanks to Ara for snapping a picture of it. Yoongi's hands wrapped around your waist, eyes clenched shut and lips curled in a soft smile as fresh snow fell down on you.

Seeing Yoongi at work wasn’t as weird as you had expected it to be, it’s quite the opposite. He’s attentive and lovely, bringing you fresh croissants or donuts every morning or puting little chocolate for you and Ara in his daughter’s lunchbox.

He’s caring, picking you up after your shift to invite you to dinners and walks through the forest with Ara, because that little girl just loves walking in the fresh snow that has started to fall recently. She takes pictures of your footprints with Yoongi’s phone and makes him promise to print it for her to hang up.

“Of course I can, Ara. You’re already wearing your sleeping clothes and you’ve brushed your teeth with Appa, so hurry up and pick out the book you want me to read!” 

Ara grows closer and closer to you, until that one day where you stay over the Min’s house for dinner, she asks you to bring her to bed.

“Can she, Appa? I want her to read my favorite bedtime story to me! Please, Y/N,” Ara looks up at you with a pout, her beautiful eyes-that remind you of Yoongi-sparkling with admiration. 

That girl really makes your heart melt, combined with the soft smile that Yoongi gives you. And suddenly, you feel like you’re meant to be here, helping that man that you’ve grown so close to, helping the girl that lost her mother way too early and maybe even helping yourself with accepting that love really comes unexpectedly.

You gently tuck the soft blanket over Ara and place her favorite stuffie next to her as you smile at the girl fondly. "Sleep well, Ara," you whisper quietly, trying not to wake her up.

"Kissies, please," she mumbles sleepily and makes grabby hands towards you.

"Ara, I-" "Please," she whines and opens her eyes, tears starting to build up.

"Okay, it's okay, Ara." You swipe her hair out of her face before you plant a soft little kiss onto the girl's forehead. "Good night, sweetheart."

"Good night, Y/N. Will you be there tomorrow morning?"

Your smile fades, unsure if you really want to tell the little girl the truth. 

"Probably not, I have to get ready for work. You know that I love to wear dresses on Thursdays and I didn't bring mine. But we will see each other in the kindergarten!"

"Okay," she whispers before she falls back into a quiet slumber.

Yoongi has cleaned the kitchen in the meantime and poured more wine for the both of you to enjoy in front of the fireplace.

"She really adores you," he says as you sit down next to him, sipping the rosé Yoongi bought just for you.

"And I adore her. She's an angel. Thank you for allowing me to spend so much time with her, Yoon."

Yoongi blushes again, shaking his head. The greyish blonde hair got messier as the evening passed. "No, Y/N. You're the first mother-figure Ara has, I have to thank you in both mine and Ara's name. I know that dating a single father is a lot, but you're accepting my family so well… I never thought I'd find another woman in my life again. Ever since my wife died, it was hard for me to even look at other women, let alone build up something like a relationship with them because I always felt bad. But that's what she would have wanted for me. To love again, to not waste my last handsome days," his lips curl into a smirk before he shakes again. 

Then, his sharp eyes met yours and soften within seconds. 

"I… I don't know if it's the right time, we've known each other for two years, we've been officially dating for only three weeks, but I think I won't change my mind about it-no I know that I won't change my mind. I love you, Y/N. And I know that Ara loves you too."

You gasp, lips beginning to tremble once your eyes meet Yoongi's. "Yoongi…," you whisper before you place your glass on the table and basically jump onto his lap, wrapping your arms around his neck. 

"I wanted to be the one to tell you first. I love you so much, Yoongi. I've had this stupid crush on you ever since you saw me in that wet dress, ever since you've shown me your music. Ever since I've seen you being the wonderful father you are-and that's so sexy, you can't even imagine."

Yoongi smirks as his hands find their place on the curve of your ass. "Sexy, huh? Me, doing the laundry and cooking dinner? Or me walking Ara to kindergarten with the homemade lunch boxes? That turns you on?"

You laugh, hiding your face in his neck as you lean closer to press your lips against his ear.

"All of that-and the way that you love Ara with all your heart, that's maybe the sexiest thing about you."

The man groans as he grabs you even tighter. "I never thought that sweet talk would turn me on even more than dirty talk," he laughs shakily as he wiggles his hips slightly to get into a more comfortable position that won't suffocate his hardening erection.

You sigh, sit up and run your hands through his hair. "Isn't all of this too early? I always tell myself that I shouldn't fall so fast, but here I am, ready to go every step with you."

Yoongi nods before he presses a peck on your nose. "Same, but we have all the time on earth. Ara wants us to get married by tomorrow, but I'm sure she'll survive it if we decide to postpone it for a few weeks."

You giggle as you look over your shoulder to the fireplace. "Did someone ever suck you off in front of a fireplace? Isn't this the definition of Christmas?"

The man underneath you gasps in shock. "No, but… I mean, I… You don't… have to?"

Laughing, you slide out of his lap and onto the floor, thankful for the soft carpet. "I want to, bubs. I wouldn't do something either of us isn't comfortable with. I assume you're alright with it?"

"Of course, but… I guess nobody ever did it because they wanted to, but because they feel like they had to?"

You raise an eyebrow at him, obviously disappointed in his previous partners. 

"It's as much fun and pleasure for me as it is for you, believe me, Yoon. Now lay back and enjoy, yeah?" You give him a calming smile as you open his pants carefully, then sliding them down his toned legs.

You press kisses all around his thighs to warm him up to the feeling, knowing that it has to be overwhelming to have some that close after all that time. Then, you gently remove his boxer shorts as well, leaving him bare and proud in front of you.

You groan as you start to stroke his cock, earning a low growl from Yoongi. "So beautiful," you whisper, then you take him into your mouth, getting a feeling for the weight on your tongue before you start bopping your head. 

Yoongi tries to contain himself, knowing that Ara could wake up every second, but alone the sight in front of him could make him come with a scream.

Instead, he cups your cheek, feeling the bulge that he causes there. Another groan leaves his lips. 

You look up at him, smirking-or trying to, with a mouth full of cock-and leading his hand into your hair, using it to push you down even more.

Yoongi's eyes lighten up. "Really?"

You almost laugh out, but you're doing your best to contain yourself and nod, placing your hands on his thighs to stop whenever you can't take it anymore. Yoongi is long and thicker than the average you've had before, but it's a challenge that's worth it.

He pushes you down slowly, enjoying the hot warmth of your mouth and then your throat as he pushes in-surprised that you didn't really gag around him.

Spit trickles down your chin as he moves faster, thrusting his hips to meet the movements of his hand and enjoying the gurgling sounds you make.

He comes far to quick for his own liking, shooting his load down your throat with a quiet groan. "Fuck."

You giggle as you swallow what he gives you, standing up to sit back on his lap to kiss him.

"You're welcome." 

Then, before you can grab your wine again, he flips you around and goes on his knees in front of you. "My turn," he smirks, eyes shining dangerously behind his fringe. 

"Yoongi, I-," you try to say, but he shushes you with a sloppy kiss.

"I know that I have to, but believe me: I love giving pleasure more than receiving it."

You pout, hands running through his soft hair.

"I didn't shave…," you whisper, a bit ashamed because you didn't come prepared, not thinking that this would be happening today.

The man in front of you raises an eyebrow.

"Do you think I am a 15 year old, pre puberty fuckboy that cares about shaved pussies? It's natural, love. Even if you can't believe it: I grow hair too, nobody is freshly shaved every day. I don't mind that, okay? Now, stop pouting and let me do my work, will you? Can you be a good girl and do that for me? All you've got to do is lean back, open your legs, throw them around my shoulders and let me devour you."

His shameless words turn you on, you can't even deny it-especially not when your panties are that damp. So, you naturally obey and help him to remove your pants.

"I told you, peach is your color," Yoongi groans in his deep Satoori as he looks at your clothed core. The peach colored lace has darkened from your arousal and the man can't help it but press his face against the material, licking one bold stripe over it.

Nobody has ever done that to you, rather pulled them off in a hurry because they thought that body fluids were disgusting, but Yoongi didn't seem to mind as he gently bites your folds through the lace. 

"God," you moan in pleasure as Yoongi finally pulls your panties to the side and spits onto your pussy, making it even wetter.

You're a whimpering mess as soon as Yoongi's tongue is on you, flicking and playing with your clit, collecting your juices and spreading them all over your pussy. You've read about that before; men eating pussy like they're starving, but Yoongi is somewhat different.

He eats pussy like he wants you to always remind it, to make you obedient and never being able to enjoy anyone else doing that job.

He does it well-of course. His tongue is as fast as he's been spitting rhymes on his mixtape, and you're more than thankful for that.

He doesn't even get to use his fingers before your orgasm approaches you, strong waves of pleasure hitting you as Yoongi keeps on kissing and slowly licking you through your high.

Then, he grins at you. "Round two, here we go."

And this time, it's not only his tongue working wonders, but also his fingers stroking you on the inside until they found your spot. 

You press your hands on your mouth to keep yourself from screaming out loud, hips bucking wildly as you come for a second time within less than ten minutes. And again, Yoongi guides you through it and softly caresses your stomach.

"Fuck, I love you," you pant as he comes back up and steals a kiss from you.

"I can't wait to have you in my bed properly," he whispers and takes a large sip from his wine. 

You can only agree.

You've started to spend the nights at Yoongi's more often, bringing Ara to work with you and helping Yoongi with her and the household whenever you can. Your relationship blooms beautifully and Ara is the happiest little bean when you're around.

Obviously, you spent Christmas with Yoongi and Ara as well, buying little presents and enjoying the comfortable atmosphere with the family.

Yoongi gave you a spare key to his house, so you're always able to visit them, spending the nights there and soon enough, you moved in.

❄❄❄❄

The Christmas after that, you surprised Ara with the adoption papers, telling her that now that she's in school and not one of your kindergarten kids anymore, she'll be able to finally call you Mommy (not that Ara minded before, you just felt weird and guilty about it).

And here you are now, preparing the huge breakfast for your third Christmas around, smiling at the ring that adorns your finger. 

"Smells fabulous, Mama," Ara says as she runs towards you and falls into your arms.

"Do you want me to help you with dessert, Mrs Min?" Yoongi asks as he presses a kiss onto your cheeks. You lean into his touch, shaking your head. "It's almost done. You can go into the living room, I'll be there in a minute to open our presents, bubs."

Yoongi prepares the fireplace, lightens some candles with Ara and lets his daughter hand out the presents. 

"I have one more for you, Yoon," you whisper as you hand him a small box.

"Oh? Can I open this first?" He tilts his head curiously, shaking the light box.

"Open!" Ara squeaks and sits down between her father and you. You nod with a fond smile as Yoongi lifts the top. Then, silence.

"Really?" He whispers with teary eyes.

"Yes, finally," you smile, "Ara, you'll become a big sister!"

Yoongi sniffs, hugging his family tight.

"And she'll be the best sister in the world. Merry Christmas, loves."

#bts #bts fic #min yoongi x reader #single dad yoongi #ksmutclub #bangtansmutcentral #bangtanarmynet #suganetwork #yoongi fic #yoongi fanfiction #min yoongi #yoongi smut #magicshopnet #bts smut #bts fluff #christmas fic #bts christmas #christmas collab

[yslkook]

BORDERSZ (4)

mind of mine masterlist

summary: jungkook accompanies you on your journey to purchase a brand new car. jimin charms your pants off (or attempts to) and sora has a proposal for you that you don't quite say no to. pairing: “badboy” jk x “shy/reserved” oc warnings: cursing, alc, excessive use of pet names, kinda toxic friendship

It takes about two weeks for Jungkook to understand exactly what kind of car you were looking for- essentially a sturdy vehicle that would get you from point A to point B without fail. Something reliable, would last for years and years, something efficient. Not necessarily anything fancy or luxurious.

But Jungkook had finally got you to shyly confess that you wouldn’t mind having heated seats in your car. After all, it had been something you’d dreamed of ever since you had received your driver’s license-

“Nothing else? Just heated seats?” Jungkook implores curiously as he pours over your meticulous binder for the fifth time. Honestly, you didn’t really need his help. You already knew what you were doing. His presence at the dealership will probably ensure that you’re not getting scammed, if anything. He loves his friends (two of them being his roommates), but he knows the truth about how they make their sales.

Mei and Mina call them sleazy car salesmen for a reason after all.

“It’s not ‘just’ heated seats!” You protest, “We never had the money for cars with heated seats when I was growing up. So that’s what I want.”

“How about leather heated seats?” Jungkook suggests, “Leather seats have better ventilation-”

“Oh, I know,” You say matter-of-factly.

“Of course you do. Smart ass.”

It feels incredibly domestic, walking into Namjoon’s car dealership together with Jungkook. Shoulder to shoulder, hopping off of his motorcycle together. He had taken it upon himself to purchase a second helmet, despite your insistence that you would pay for one.

But he had told you not to get a big head, that the helmet wasn’t for you specifically. That he needed a second helmet anyway, and you joining him on the motorcycle more and more as of recently was just the impetus for him to purchase one.

So you say nothing when it’s clear that he had bought the helmet with you in mind- it’s a sleek, glossy lilac color. A similar shade of lilac as your phone case, your favorite small backpack, and your work notebook.

You say nothing about it, only keeping your small smile to yourself.

Of course it’s Jimin who immediately jumps up to offer you assistance today. He gives Jungkook a Cheshire grin, mischief dancing in his eyes. Not that you would know otherwise.

He knows Jimin won’t let him live this down. At least Taehyung might have a little more tact than Jimin.

“So are you both looking for a vehicle together?” Jimin asks once you’re both seated in the comfortable leather seats in front of his desk, when in fact he knows damn well that you’re not.

“Huh? N-no, I’m looking for a car. Jungkook is helping me out,” You say, your face heating up at the implication. Isn’t Jimin one of his roommates?

Jungkook’s tongue pokes his cheek. You notice.

“I’m here to make sure that you or Taehyung don’t scam her,” Jungkook says, “Where’s Joon? He’s less...annoying than you.”

“Joon can’t even drive a fucking car. He has no business trying to sell them,” Jimin says swiftly.

“Er,” You interrupt softly, “Isn’t he your boss? He owns the entire dealership, doesn’t he?”

Jungkook stifles a laugh at your presumed innocence. You offer a slick smile to Jimin when he scoffs in amusement.

“Yes,” Jimin says, “So tell me. How can I make your dreams come true?”

If Jungkook wasn’t with you, you think you would’ve fallen victim to Jimin’s charms long ago. He’s nice, a little flirty and funny. But helpful. You can see how someone might end up paying more than they’d need to with Jimin being their car salesman.

You listen to every word Jimin says, taking notes in a specific section of your binder with your favorite black ballpoint pen. You need to have all the information at your fingertips before making a big decision, no matter what it is. Jungkook had teased you for it at first, but he’s become accustomed to your thought process.

Jimin has shown you at least five different types of models of cars ranging from sedans to SUVs. In theory, they all fit the bill. But you haven’t really felt the connection with any of them.

Jimin is nothing if not patient, though.

“I’m sorry,” You say, “I know I’m being meticulous. You must be annoyed.”

“It’s my job, sweetheart,” Jimin shrugs, “Besides, you can repay me with your phone number maybe, huh?”

“That doesn’t sound like an ethical business practice,” You say flatly while Jungkook glares at Jimin (who only smirks at him in return), “You already have it. From when I made the appointment.”

“Is that an invitation?”

“You wish,” You roll your eyes, “Does every one of your clients get this treatment or is it just me?”

“Nah, it’s just anyone who catches Jungkookie’s eye,” Jimin winks at you and Jungkook is about to strangle his roommate. Perhaps he should put an ad out for a new roommate, considering he might kill his current one in the next five minutes.

“O-oh,” You falter, cheeks blazing at this point, “Can we look at a few more? I’m gonna use the restroom really quickly. Maybe even grab a coffee.”

“Sure, sweetheart. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Will you fuckin’ stop it? I can’t believe you,” Jungkook hisses, “We’re literally at your workplace and you’re putting the moves on her-”

“Oh, will you relax,” Jimin says breezily, “I’m just seeing if she’ll take the bait.”

“There’s no reason for that shit,” Jungkook says, glaring at his friend, “Cut it out.”

“I like her,” Jimin says, as if he hadn’t spoken, “She’s cute.”

“Back off,” Jungkook says, “And while we’re at it, just for you being an ass. You’re gonna give her heated seats for free.”

Jungkook watches your eyes light up at the car that Jimin is currently telling you about. He can already tell from your wide eyes and soft, excited smile that this is the one. You’re already running the checklist through your head, physically looking at your notes as Jimin easily answers your questions.

“Can I take her for a test drive?” You ask Jimin and he somehow produces a set of keys for the exact model from his pocket.

“I knew this would be the one…” Jimin says as he takes you to the parking lot to grab the test car. Jungkook rolls his eyes in fondness and heads off to find his other roommate, Taehyung. And to say hello to his friend, Namjoon.

“It suits you,” Jimin says once you’d taken the car out for a drive and brought it back safely.

“You think so?” You ask, giving the keys back to him, “I bet you say that to everyone.”

“Only when I mean it, sweetheart,” Jimin winks at you.

“How lucky for me,” You mutter under your breath, “So...what are the next steps?”

“I bring out the contract, you sign it, and you take your new car home,” Jimin says confidently.

“Yeah,” You say dreamily and look outside to the car in longing. You’ve done the homework, done the research. Went through this logically and meticulously. Even if the car does start depreciating the minute you step out of the dealership… You want it. It checks all of the boxes, you know you’ll get your money’s worth from it.

But before you give Jimin the okay to draw up the contracts, you want to tell Jungkook. You spot him talking to Taehyung, his bunny smile on display (which makes you smile in turn) and excuse yourself from Jimin for a minute to go after Jungkook.

“Hi,” You say and introduce yourself to Taehyung, who offers you a wide, boxy smile, “I’m gonna get it. The car, I mean. I love her.”

“She passed the vibe check?” Jungkook asks.

“Yeah. She passed the vibe check.”

When you comb through the hefty contract with sharp eyes, Jungkook is somewhat amused to see the free of charge cost for the heated seats. Jimin only winks at him in response.

You can’t seem to find anywhere else where Jimin may be overcharging you, so you ask Jungkook to review it, too. And surprisingly, Jungkook finds nothing out of the ordinary. He knows how Jimin operates here, trying to gain any extra cent of commission that he can. Not that that’s a terrible thing.

“It’s yours, sweetheart,” Jimin says fifteen minutes later, once you sign your name on the dotted line.

“Really?” You let out an exhilarated laugh, adrenaline suddenly coursing through your veins, “Really, really?”

“Keys are yours, and someone will bring the car out front for you,” Jimin smiles, “Congratulations on your first car. I’m honored that you chose me to help you make this purchase.”

“Wouldn’t have had it any other way, Jimin,” You beam. After a moment of deliberation, “Oh, by the way- have fun on your date with Mina tonight. I heard all about it.”

Mischief dances in your eyes and Jimin’s eyebrows shoot up to his hairline as he lets out a surprised laugh. Jungkook looks at you proudly- that’s what Jimin gets for being a menace.

Jungkook wraps an arm around your shoulders and walks you out of the dealership and you slowly wrap a tentative, shy arm around his waist. You both wait shoulder to shoulder for one of the dealership boys to bring your brand new car out front.

In the meantime, you try to pluck up the courage to ask Jungkook to have a drink with you after. To celebrate and to treat your friend for helping you out for the last few weeks. You bite your bottom lip in nervousness and Jungkook notices. He wants nothing more than to gently pull your bottom lip out of your own grip, but refrains from doing so.

But you realize, it’s Jungkook, this is your friend and the comforting, warm scent of laundry that envelopes you gives you a little courage.

“Do you want to grab a drink or something after this?” You ask softly, “I… wanted to treat you. For helping me the last few weeks with the car stuff.”

“C’mon, baby. You know I’ll never say no to a pretty girl buying me a drink,” Jungkook says, lips pulled apart into a sly smirk.

“Oh, that’s all I am to you? A pretty girl?” You roll your eyes and shove his shoulder playfully, despite the heat in your cheeks.

“Not at all,” Jungkook murmurs, tightening his hold around your shoulders and looking at you with sincerity dripping from his big, brown eyes, “You’re my pretty girl.”

If he didn’t have a strong arm around your shoulders, you’re certain you would’ve evaporated into the floor at his words.

The image of Jungkook smoking outside of the bar right under the glowing, purple neon lights is an image you haven’t seen very often. A strand of dark hair falls in front of his face as he lights his cigarette, his eyebrows knitted together in concentration.

Even from this distance, you can see the purse of his lips and the silver glint of rings on his fingers. It shouldn’t send a rush down your spine the way it does, but you won’t deny it. When it comes to Jungkook, you won’t deny your feelings. Or your attraction.

For some reason, a thought crosses your mind- you hadn’t told Sora that you had purchased a new car. Much less that Jungkook had helped you pick one out. But you push her from your mind easily, as if you’ve been doing the last few weeks. It’s been difficult for you to keep Jungkook out of your conversations with Sora- she always has a way of bringing him up more than not.

But it’s not just Jungkook she has a strong, stubborn opinion on. It’s everything these days- you had showed her cars that you were interested in and she had shot every one of them down, she always has something to say about your passion for work (or rather she never pays enough attention about it), and she even had something negative to say when you had timidly brought up that you were maybe thinking about another ear piercing.

You’re growing tired of it. You find yourself getting nervous around her, like you’re walking on eggshells around her. Even when she just texts you, your heart speeds up in anxiety. But at the same time, there is a voice in your head telling you not to upset her.

As if that’s somehow the worst thing that could ever happen. Objectively, you know Sora. You know she’s stubborn and loud in her opinions and always has to get her way. But at the core of it all, you want to believe that she has a good heart. Because if she doesn’t have a good heart… Then what were you doing this to yourself for? What were you surrounding yourself with all of this negativity for?

You can sense Jungkook’s dislike of her, even if he doesn’t outright say it. But you’re no idiot. Mina and Mei have been honest with you on their opinions of her. So has Yoongi and Hobi.

They all think she’s dragging you down and that you’ll spiral in her negativity if you don’t open your eyes. They’ve all had a few choice words for her, but you find yourself uneasy whenever the topic of Sora comes up.

The more you hear it, the more you wonder about your supposed best friend. But you push those sour thoughts away to focus on the man in your field of vision.

Your heart hammers in your chest as you approach him on unsteady feet.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Jungkook mutters with the cigarette in between his lips when you get closer to get a good look at him.

“I’m not looking at you like anything,” You reply, eyes subconsciously wandering to the cigarette. Your nose scrunches at the smell without you even realizing it.

“You look like my mom when she first saw me smoking,” Jungkook says bluntly.

“Your mom? You really wanna compare me to your mother?” You raise an eyebrow, “Don’t know what that says about you, Jungkook.” Jungkook lets out a surprised laugh at that.

“Shut up,” Jungkook rolls his eyes and peels himself off of the brick wall before putting his cigarette out and tossing it in the ashtray next to him, “I think you owe me a drink?”

Jungkook, you decide, is dangerous and warm all at once. The starry glint of his big, doe eyes throws you off more than once, leaving you either stammering over your words or choking on your drink when you try to reply to him.

The bar is quiet and nearly empty, only the sounds of faint music playing in the background to keep you both company. You’re both facing each other at the bar, knees touching ever so slightly.

Even that simple touch makes you feel warm all over.

Jungkook slides your drink towards you, a soft ‘thank you’ pushing itself out of your lips. You suppress a shiver when his ring clad fingers brush over yours, and he notices the way you tense up a little bit with his touch.

He appreciates the way the dim lights shine on your hair and illuminate the planes of your pretty face. He thinks it’s the perfect lighting for a photo of you- the dark colored jacket and your dark wash jeans blending into the colors of the bar around you. Something at the base of your neck glints as you turn to face him.

“Cheers, to your new car,” Jungkook murmurs, tipping his glass towards yours.

“Cheers to you for helping me,” You reply with a smile, clinking your drink with his.

“Pleasure’s all mine, baby,” Jungkook says, “You deserve it.”

“Deserve a vehicle that will have hardly any value in ten to fifteen years?”

“You deserve something for yourself,” Jungkook corrects, looking into your eyes as if he can see right through you. You’d told him how you had grown up with one car amongst a family of five, and how money was tight when you were younger. You were the eldest of three, and now that everyone was older, you had slowly started dipping your toes into the concept of having things for yourself.

You whisper a soft thank you and take a sip of your drink. “My parents were so excited about the car,” You say quietly, “Told them I couldn’t have done it without you.”

“Oh? You told your parents about me?”

“Had to tell them about the man who got me heated seats for free,” You reply with a knowing grin, “You think I didn’t catch that?”

“Heated seats were the least Jimin could’ve done,” Jungkook rolls his eyes.

You wave him off, “I like him. I could see why him and Mina are good together. She told me they’ve had this weird on and off thing for, like, a year now? Like c’mon. Get it together.”

“Yeah. Don’t know why they keep denying the inevitable,” He says, voice full of something barely concealed.

“The inevitable?”

“They both have their issues but… They would make it work if they sorted themselves out,” He says softly, a tenderness to his eyes that makes your belly flip. You don’t know if he’s talking about Jimin and Mina or about… something else.

Something else being you and him.

“Maybe one of them is scared,” You whisper.

“They can work through it together,” Jungkook replies instantly. The air in between you both is charged, plush with tension and electricity. You look at him unsurely, with wide eyes, and god, if Jungkook doesn’t want to sweep you off of your feet and pull you in for a kiss.

“Jungkook, I-” You murmur, voice soft and deafening, silky like honey in his ears. The moment is right there, ripe for you, ripe for him...

And then your phone starts ringing, and Jungkook has never heard a worse sound. Your chest drops for a second when you see that it’s Sora calling you, and Jungkook has never felt as frustrated as he does right in this moment. Each significant moment of frustration over the past few months has Sora linked to it. He wonders if she has a radar for interrupting at the worst possible moments.

You give him an apologetic glance before answering the phone. She only calls if it’s important or if she needs you so you won’t risk it.

“H-hello-”

“You’ll never guess what I just did,” Comes Sora’s excited voice through the receiver. It’s too sugary, too sweet. You wince.

“What’s that?” You mumble, shoulders drooping.

“Got you a date for this Friday, you remember Yunho right?” She exclaims. If your heart wasn’t on the floor already, it certainly was by now. “He wants to take you out- he’s the lawyer, remember?”

“Y-yeah, I remember,” You say weakly, “But-”

Jungkook’s eyes flash at your suddenly dejected frown. That’s what Sora does- she takes you and she turns your happiness into something sad. It’s like she can’t stand to see you happy about something that doesn’t align with her “vision”.

“You can thank me later, babe,” Sora says cheerily. This time, you visibly cringe as you try to protest. Try to tell her that you don’t want a date with this man, that you only want a date with the man in front of you. But you can’t get the words out, she won’t listen and she hangs up on you before you can get a word in edgewise.

“Sorry about that,” You mutter.

“Why? She’s your friend. Not mine,” Jungkook says brusquely and you bristle at his bluntness.

You’re distracted for the rest of the evening, mind on another wavelength. He knows you’re upset, but he doesn’t push. He gets you to smile and laugh a few times, only for your eyes to turn sad right after.

Jungkook only wishes that you’d be able to see what was right in front of you.

TAGS: @kookdbean

MoM tags: @tiemeuptogoldenchains @boymeetsparadise @jungkooksseuphoria @kaepjjangiya @drumsofheaven @ppeachyttae @tae-bebe @yiyi4657 @mygscafe

#jungkook x reader #jungkook fluff #jeon jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #jeon jungkook x you

[atsunflower]

Hospital for souls — The Line

Rated: SFW

Author note: I gotta nothing to say. This took me really long and I struggled a lot to write it. Thanks for being patient with me. Also, big shoutout to @neonghxst, who helped me a lot with this one. I love you bby 💕

Warnings: Cursing, mentions of anxiety and this chapter contains gore towards the end.

IV — The line

Previous || Next

"I don't wanna go" Your voice showed distaste at the invitation.

Since the fight with Sakusa, you avoided all human contact like the plague. The only ones that talked to you were the maids and, occasionally, Komori, who had warmed up to you since you saved his ass — to be honest, you weren't very fond of his change of character.

"Listen, you're the new lady of this household." Komori explained in a tired manner."This gala is held every year in some sort of diplomatics, to grant no family crosses the line. All the important members must make a presence."

"Yeah, but I'm sure no one cares if I don't show up." You deadpanned looking at his face.

"It's just a fancy ass party. I'll take you to get a dress myself, but I gotta run some errands and find a suit too. If I'm late, then Izuna will take you." Komori saw you stiffening when you heard the name. Ever since you arrived in Itachiyama, Izuna was the most hostile towards you. "Hey, don't worry about him... He'll be nice."

"I gotta remind you that no one has been nice to me since I came here, Komori-san." You stated the obvious and the male before you grimaced.

"Look, we're not as bad as you think. Neither we are some sort of low life criminals, you know." His voice sent shivers down your spine. The hazel-haired man has been treating you better, yes, but you could tell the words you said to Sakusa that day affected him too.

"Yeah. But you all did nothing to prove me wrong." You stared at his eyes, the sincere tone meaning each world "If anything, all you did was make me miserable even though I'm not a threat. And you know it." You saw when the hazel haired male shook his head, face softening a little.

"I'll be back in a few." And then, Komori left. 

To your relief, it was Komori himself who showed up at your bedroom door. Now, you were at some boutique somewhere in the fancy side of Shibuya, trying a beautiful strappy off-white dress.

You loved how the silky cloth hugged your body and how the pearly color complimented your skin tone. Definitely, it was the propper gown for an event as important as a mafia gala.

Taking in the figure reflected in the mirror, you recalled the last time you wore something so fancy was at your wedding. Suddenly, you felt ugly — after all, you were a woman of surgical scrubs and white coats. Wearing something like this dress was a reminder of what kind of life you were living now.

"[Name]-san, have you decided?" Komori asked with an undecipherable look on his face. 

"Ah, yes, I'm taking this one" You said to the salesperson, already getting back to the changing room.

From the inside, you heard a knock on the door. It was Komori.

"[Name], are you good?" He asked in a soft spoken manner, as if he was concerned.

You know it's not the case, don't let your guard down, you reminded yourself.

"Yes, Komori-san. Are we ready to go?" He hummed in agreement, saying he was going to do the payment.

The two of you had yet to arrive in Itachiyama. The silence was heavy inside the car and you could see the man opening his mouth as if he was trying to say something.

"I never asked, did you see a doctor?" You started, breaking the unnerving atmosphere.

"Ah, yes. I'm all good, no sequels or whatever." He cleared his throat, side-glancing at you "Those guys took us by surprise that night, huh? We were lucky you were there to help us out." You hummed, staring at his elbow, as if you could see through the material of his jacket.

"I shouldn't have opened your arm that way. It was really irresponsible of me to do it and it was a miracle things ended up well."You said in a reflecting manner.

Does she regret saving me?, Komori couldn't help but wonder.

"The doctor I saw said the surgery was perfectly executed, so don't beat yourself over it. Besides, I can see the passion you have. You'd make it right anyways." The male said truthfully and you frowned. You didn't want his trust because he would never have yours.

You also didn't like the appreciative tone he used. A doctor isn't a hero, You reminded yourself everyday, to never let it go to your head.

"I'm passionate, but it's about my personal ethics, you don't need passion to be good at what you do. I think you know it very well." You still frowned, not liking what he implied. You never wanted to be some sort of hero, much less to someone like him. 

"Yeah, I don't need to love the yakuza to be good at it. But I don't think a passionless person would make a good doctor." He argued, trying to prove his point.

"In my line of work, a mistake costs your whole career. Passionless and unethical people exist everywhere, a hospital isn't a sanctuary." You said matter of factly — it wasn't about the romantic lenses people saw the health workers. After all, medicine was a field made majorly of people with the means and the money. You learned it the hard way when you made into med school.

"Why would you say that?" The traffic light signalled to stop. The Kobun used this opportunity to take in your figure, eyes roaming over your crossed arms and unfazed features.

Duty takes a toll in everyone, huh?, He internally stated.

"Because I know someone. And as passionless someone could be, he's still the best at what he does." And Komori didn't miss the feeling displayed in your eyes.

It wasn't merely passion. Something deeper resided in those irises of yours.

An awkward silence overtook the atmosphere as the car resumed its movement. He felt uncomfortable, trying to figure out what you meant.

"Well, what matters is that everything ended up well. Who would have guessed they would attack us that night?" Komori conceded, trying to break the unsettling quietness.

"Yeah, this whole yakuza thing is really scary." You said looking through the tinted window, a pensive look in your face.

"You'll get used to it. And it doesn't happen on a daily basis either" He brushed you off, turning in a curb.

"Yeah, but ignoring the threat isn't an easy task." You retorted, tiredly.

"How do you know it? Besides, since you're our lady, it's not like we'll let  something happen to you." The brunette said, in hopes of comforting you. It had the opposite effect, as a silent rage ran down your body.

"Komori-san, how do I know?" You bitterly laughed "My whole life, I was at the line. My mother didn't want me to be born, Inarizaki wanted my head since I was in the womb and you guys will get rid of me at any given opportunity." You saw him opening his mouth to argue "Your household won't protect me if the order comes from Sakusa." 

As if in a cue, the car approached the gates of Itachiyama. Komori was rendered speechless, knowing you were right.

Personally, you weren't one to offend people and make them feel bad. You couldn't help the pang in your chest every time you exploded at any of them. But by god, were you tired.

I just want my life back, you thought. After all, it was infinite times easier to be a target when you were somehow detached from the life inside the families. The Kobun said something you paid no mind to.

Banging the car door shut, you ignored his calling.

The nagging feeling was a constant in his life.

Roaming through his memories, he could never pinpoint a time he felt comfortable under his skin. He was too anxious and life never treated him kindly to do so.

Maybe he overreacted a lot, too. But it wasn't his fault he had to be hyper aware of his surroundings.

The alert state was essential in an ambience full of people who could stab him in the back.

Fuck the diplomatics, he cursed.

It was one of those nights he hated the most. The suntuous ballroom was full of people going back and forth, bragging about futilities and throwing insincere flattery at each other. All because the ever so generous Karasuno was hosting a dinner at The Crow to assure no one disturbs the deal between the families.

Bullshit, he thought. It's only Karasuno trying to show off their influence over this frail peace.

And, as much as he appreciated said peace, he hated how everyone faked they got along with each other.

Not that he cared about politeness either. And his signature scowl did nothing to keep people away. After all, everyone wanted a piece of Itachiyama.

"Kiyoomi." The ravenette heard the deep voice from his back. A wave of relief washed over him.

At least, Wakatoshi-kun is here. I won't die from boredom, He mused.

"Wakatoshi." He responded, nodding at the other. From outside Itachiyama, Ushijima was the only one Sakusa considered a friend.

"I thought you wouldn't come tonight, I know you don't really like the crowd."

"People would find weird if I didn't, considering Inarizaki and everything."

"Speaking of which, did you bring your wife?" Ushijima asked, looking around. Sakusa nodded before speaking.

"Yeah, she went to the restrooms. Komori is with her." And speaking of the devil, you came into view.

He knew you had a fine taste for things, and he would be a fool to say you didn't look good tonight. But he would never admit it.

A Miya isn't worth you time, he repeated it like a mantra, observing as you made your way onto him.

Komori enthusiastically greeted Ushijima and you merely nodded out of politeness, looking at the bulky male with caution. Given Ushijima's intimidating vibes, Sakusa couldn't really blame you.

"I see you're Sakusa's wife. I'm Ushijima Wakatoshi." He offered his hand at you "It's a pleasure to meet you"

"Likewise, Ushijima-san" You introduced yourself as the Oyabun of Itachiyama watched the scene unfold before him, recalling how his friend was the blunt and introverted type. He couldn't help but admire the way the two of you conversed smoothly; earning Ushijima's sympathy required effort. You did it with ease.

"She's a good woman." Sakusa didn't see when your conversation died down and Ushijima turned to him. He found himself dumbfounded at the other's statement.

"She's a Miya"

"She worked with Shirabu. He spoke highly of her" A waiter passed by offering them whiskey. The rich scent of Yamazaki reached his nostrils as he drank it, throat used to the burning sensation "And you know he's not one to lie."

"Still…" His retort was halted when he felt the weight of a gaze on him. In the far corner of the room, none other than Oikawa Tooru had all his attention turned to the general direction of you all "What is he looking at?" He squinted at the brunette's direction, trying to make out his intentions.

"He seems to be looking at your wife" Ushijima bluntly spoke "But don't worry about him, Oikawa may have his reasons. He is a reliable man, after all."

"You're indeed soft today. What happened?" The other opened his mouth to respond before being interrupted by a startled voice.

Your husband was doing a good job ignoring you while speaking to Ushijima — you wouldn't complain, since you didn't want any of his attention.

Listening to Komori speaking wonders of the whiskey he was drinking, you felt a little at ease. You imagined the gala to be much scarier than this, but all you could see was snotty people too full of themselves. It was almost comical hearring them bragging about things you couldn't even dream of.

"This is a 25 years old Yamazaki. It's a favorite of mine and Kiyoomi—"

"Is this real life?" A surprised voice cutted Komori's middle sentence.

Before you, a handsome man looked appalled, staring at you with an emotion you couldn't identify. You were feeling uncomfortable as everyone around you was paying attention to your interaction.

"I'm sorry, sir. But am I supposed to know you?" You asked, in hopes to remember if you knew him by any chance. He beamed brightly at you.

"Of course you wouldn't remember me!" And he laughed again, earning a frown from your husband.

"Do you have any business to do with my wife?" Sakusa's cold-steel voice asked. The pretty man ignored it. And, at this point, everyone in the area stopped their actions, watching the scene with interest.

"I'm Oikawa Tooru, the Oyabun of Seijoh. Two years ago, you saved my nephew's life in an accident at the Dinosaur Bridge, only using a needle. After it, you held his hand until the ambulance came." The man bowed deeply, and only now you noticed he was accompanied by another spiky-haired male, who was also bowing at you. Observing them, you faintly remembered saving a little boy in a traffic accident a couple of years ago "For that, I'll be forever thankful. In return, I wanted to say you have Seijoh's gratitude whenever you need it." He stood tall again, staring at you dead in the eye to confirm he meant every single word he said.

You were speechless.

"I… sir, I'm thankful, but I did what had to be done. You don't owe me anything." You said uncertainly, glancing at the startled faces of both Komori and Sakusa. Ushijima looked fondly at you, as if he knew something.

"You had a choice that day, and you choosed to help us when we couldn't do anything. And it's enough for us to pay you back." The spiky-haired man said. It was rare for someone to address you with so much respect and sincerity. You appreciated it wholeheartedly.

"I— thank you." And you bowed at them, trying to show your gratitude to both males.

"Well, we won't disturb you anymore. Please have a good night" The Oikawa guy said, handing you a business card which you secluded inside your clutch.

"See?" You heard Ushijima saying, but you were too stunned to register it.

You didn't have time to process the event, as someone announced the dinner was about to be served.

"Seijoh's favour, huh? You sure are skyrocketing this mafia thing." Suna said, sitting on the chair on the opposite side of the table.

You all were addressed to a table with ten seats. It looked like Itachiyama was paired up with Inarizaki and another household you were yet to discover. The atmosphere was already stiff, as Sakusa kept throwing dirty glares at the twins.

"Impressive how you're doing well inside the yakuza. I thought you weren't going to last a month." Atsumu snickered as Osamu and the others ignored everything around them, getting ready for the dinner.

You mimicked their actions before Izuna joined you; you tensed seeing him taking the seat by your left.

Sakusa sat by your right, side-glancing at you. It looked like he had a newfound interest since the interaction with Oikawa earlier.

To your surprise, Seijoh was addressed to your table. Though, both Oikawa and Iwaizumi — Suna let you know his name and the fact he was also a Kobun — said nothing, sensing the tension hanging in the air.

None of the men said anything as the food started to be served. Instead, they busied themselves with the entree, keeping the smalltalk inside their household circle.

You heard Osamu saying something about the wine but you didn't register it. Soon enough, the waiters brought the main course in silver trays.

It smelled fabulous and your mouth watered at the scent.

"A lovely meal for the lady. Please enjoy it, I'm sure you won't forget this occasion." The blond waiter said, as he uncovered your plate. You took in the deep red sauce made of berries and the way the meat was perfectly cooked.

With fork and knife in hand, you went for it.

And indeed, you wouldn't forget the occasion.

Sliding the meat over the plate, you noticed it  hiding something. The scream was caught in your throat as you recognized the obnoxious structure, because years of unveiling the human anatomy would never fail you.

The cutlery clattered in the porcelain surface, spilling the sauce all over you. The white of your dress was now tainted with crimson, as if blood seeped out of your chest.

But you didn't even feel it. All you felt were hands shaking your body, trying to draw some reaction from you. The screams also came in a white noise through your ears, because all you could register was the sight before your eyes.

In the middle of the plate, a finger rested limp and dirty. Dead.

In a similar manner, you did too. 

Among the chaos, you sat there, also limp and dirty. At the end of a promise of death.

❥ tagging: @keekee-732 @chiibichann @captain-shittykawa @fortheloveofiwaizumi @daisyjaebae @jihoonspout @floodinginstars @fl4mepillar @trash4sportsanime @neonghxst @starrystanze @teaanbiss @hqxreader @yskomiii @shadyjinyoung @julimausi1311 @hyoonx23 @keuromi @differentballooncollection @onigiriimiya @wolfiepirate @sekshi-namjas @tomo-uwu @atsumusgf @letmegetthisclear @katokanae @cherryonigiri @ushijima-meixiu @bimboiiying @crownedcupcake17 @tvwhoresblog @thenerdyrebel @idiot-juice-enthusiast @caprolls @keijination   @wakaitoshi @clowninfortodoroki @shiningotak-ku @kemochie @lilacshouko @sehunosh @kiyoojima @shimy-deko @bap-kingdom @raenebalgaire @ricefarmerkita @rintarose @xanaxdeity @reiningsun

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