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runnning-outof-time · 10 months

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At the Last Possible Minute | Tommy Shelby x Reader

Request: yes by @acewritesfics

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x reader

Summary: Shocked by Tommy's decision to go fight in France, (Y/N) holds all of her emotions in until the last possible minute.

Warnings: mentions of going to fight in war

Word Count: 3068

A/N: I’m sorry it took super long for me to write this, Ace, but here is the original idea that I had for the story that then became ‘The Good I’ll Do’. I used the prompt ‘what’s going on in that head of yours?’ from the list you shared ages ago … I guess this came in perfect time for your one year anniversary of your account - thank you for all of the amazing fics you’ve blessed us with. Enjoy! :)

PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!

Comment/Message Me if you’d like to be tagged in future stories similar to this one!

"I'm sorry I'm late, I...goodness, what's the occasion?" (Y/N) stopped her initial apology to comment on the number of people inhabiting the living room of the Shelby family's Watery Lane home. Almost every seat in the room was full, and if (Y/N) hadn't noticed their solemn expressions, she would have thought that there was a celebration happening. "Has something happened?" she asked, her brows furrowing together in confusion.

No one said anything outright, instead exchanging glances at one another. The silence was making (Y/N)'s heart rate quicken by the second. And then she saw Tommy. He was wearing an expression that she'd only seen a handful of times over the several years that she'd been friends with him, the last being when he told her of his mother's passing. Seeing it made her stomach drop.

"You should be the one to tell her, Tom," Arthur mumbled privately to his brother, but (Y/N) was able to hear him due to the quietness in the room.

"Tell me what?" she couldn't help but ask, her worry rising by the second.

Tommy looked at (Y/N), his mind reeling as he tried to think of a way to break the news to her. He watched her expression become even more dire with each second that passed. It was breaking his heart. After what felt like ages, he finally spoke: "come with me, (Y/N)," he said to her, extending his hand in her direction as he approached her.

"To where?" (Y/N) asked another question as she took his hand and allowed him to lead her to the stairs. "Tommy...what's going on?" she asked as they walked down the small hallway of the second floor, confusion now present in her words.

"I wanted to tell you in private," he began, opening the door to his bedroom and leading her over to the bed that sat tucked in the corner so that they could both sit on it.

"Tell me what?" she continued to try to pull answers out of him, hating that it was taking him so long to tell her what so clearly was serious news.

Tommy inhaled deeply, holding his breath for a moment as he tried to collect himself. He exhaled it slowly before he took her hands into his. "I love you, (Y/N)..."

(Y/N)'s heart dropped at the sound of his voice, and she immediately thought the worst. "What's going on, Tommy? Please stop beating around the bush and just tell me," she urged him. She figured that if he was going to break her heart, might as well rip off the bandage.

"Me brothers and I have signed up to fight in France," he told her, his eyes not straying from hers as he spoke.

(Y/N)'s mouth opened and closed a few times as she tried to collect her thoughts. She was well aware that she probably looked like a fish out of water, gasping for breath, but she could care less. In a way it did feel like she was gasping for breath.

"Can you say something?" Tommy asked her after a few moments - that felt like decades - had passed, his voice filled with concern.

"I...I can't think of anything to say," she decided to state the obvious, her mind still reeling from his previous statement.

Tommy sighed as he looked to the opposite wall of the room. He didn't know what type of response he was expecting from (Y/N), but getting no sort of specific reaction outright was really messing with him. He loved her more than anyone in the world, and having her be at a loss of words made him want to question if he made the wrong choice in enlisting. It was too late now...their papers had been turned in, and they would be shipping out to France by the end of the week.

"When do you leave?" she broke the silence with a quiet question, her words making his eyes snap over to meet hers again.

"The end of the week," he answered her, watching intently for her response; hoping that she'd say more than a five word sentence.

It was (Y/N)'s turn to look away when his response hit her ears. To say her mind was reeling was an understatement. She couldn't even begin to think of something to say, and it pained her because she knew that Tommy was looking for her to put what was going on in her mind into words. The problem was that she had no words for it...there were no words to explain what she was feeling at the moment.

"You're going alongside John and Arthur?" she asked another question. Tommy opened his mouth to speak, but was unable to get a word out. "I'm sorry for asking all of these questions, Tommy, I just..." she cut into his response before trailing off and letting out a sound of exasperation, becoming slightly frustrated at the fact that she couldn't even think of a place to start with her thoughts.

"It's ok, (Y/N)," he told her, squeezing her hand that she'd just realized he was still holding, "this wasn't an easy decision to make."

"Then why did you make it?" she was quick to ask, the words coming out before she could think them over.

Tommy just about flinched at the pain that was present in her words. "Because we didn't want to have it made for us. They were going to draft us anyway. If we enlist, it's on our terms," he gave an explanation as to why they'd made the decision.

"You may not have gotten drafted this early though...we could have had more time together," (Y/N) pointed out, her voice becoming shakier with each word she said.

"We'll have more time together," he assured her.

"That can't be promised," she reminded him. There was never any certainty when it came to war...the both of them knew that.

"We'll have the rest of this week," he pointed out, trying to look on the bright side of things.

"Yeah," she agreed with him, trying to put a smile on her face. She was able to, but it quickly faltered, and Tommy said nothing but instead sent her a sympathetic look in response. He began to open his mouth to speak again, but was cut off by (Y/N) before he could get a word out. "Why don't I help you pack now? So that you're not overwhelmed with work as the time gets closer," she blurted out an idea, and immediately felt dumb for having suggested it. You're in the middle of a deep conversation...would he really want to get started on packing? Come on, (Y/N)! she yelled at herself, mentally facepalming. What a way to make things go from bad to worse!

Tommy searched her face for a moment, trying to pick up on any possible cues. (Y/N) held her breath as she watched him do this, hoping that he wouldn't want to continue prying into her thoughts on the news he'd given her. He finally nodded his head after a few moments passed. "Yeah, we can do that," he reluctantly added, finally dropping her hands from his hold.

An awkward silence entered the room as they stood from the bed to move over to where his wardrobe was. Nothing much else was said between the two as (Y/N) got the few outfits that Tommy owned out of his wardrobe and folded them so that they'd fit in the compact suitcase. Tommy didn't do much to help. He instead stood back and racked his brain as he watched (Y/N) go through the motions; trying to think of some way to continue the conversation they'd abruptly ended on the bed. Her answers weren't sitting right with him, it was obvious that she was hesitant about it all - who wouldn't be? - but he needed to know if she herself was ok. It was one thing to be upset about the situation, but another completely to be upset in general. He didn't want the latter for her.

But nothing else was said between the two for the entire time they spent in the bedroom. (Y/N) felt the weight lay heavy on her chest as she followed Tommy back downstairs. The living room had cleared out a bit, and sympathetic looks were given from those who stayed as the couple entered the room again. Everyone knew exactly what had happened in the room. Polly decided that she was going to get started on dinner, and (Y/N) agreed to stay around and join the family for the meal. The topic weighing on everyone's mind wasn't discussed for the remainder of the evening as each person tried hard to think of other things to speak about...the elephant in the room didn't go unnoticed though, you could see what each person was thinking about clearly from the look on their face.

This was going to be a long week.

——

Tommy's promise of he and (Y/N) having the rest of the week to spend together didn't quite turn out the way either of them wanted to. Both barely spoke to each other or spent much time together as they practically threw themselves into their work to try to avoid the inevitable.

Tommy was working hard to make sure that Polly had everything she needed in order to continue the family business when the brothers went away.

(Y/N) took up longer hours at the clothing shop she was hired at, knowing that spending too much time with Tommy and the rest of the Shelbys would make her heart hurt in ways that she wasn't ready for. It was hard not to think about what was awaiting them at the end of the week when they were together.

As much as they didn't want it to, the weekend finally came. Polly made the boys join her at church one last time so that she could pray for their safety and well-being. After that, she and Ada prepared one last meal for the family to have together before the brothers were due at the train station. One person's absence was duly noted though...(Y/N) hadn't showed up at the Watery Lane household despite Tommy inviting her over. His worry grew more and more as it got closer to the time he would be leaving, and he wondered if he'd be seeing his love before he got shipped off to hell.

(Y/N) couldn't bring herself to leave her bed. She knew what Tommy was doing today; knew that he wanted her to be there when it was time, but no matter how much she wanted to, she couldn't get herself up and moving.

It wasn't until the clock struck four that she finally managed to bring herself to a sitting position. There was only one hour left until Tommy's train would leave the station. She didn't leave the bed though, and instead just stared at the clock on the wall as it ticked away slowly, taking away the minutes that she could be spending with her love. Why hadn't she left the bed yet?! Why couldn't she bring herself to?!

Something awakened inside of her when the clock struck 4:30. She threw the covers to the side and rushed to put some decent clothes on. Caring less if they looked orderly, or even matched, she grabbed a pair of shoes from the corner of her room before quickly working to make sure her hair looked decent. She didn't want to make it that obvious that she'd just rolled out of bed to run to the train station.

Thankfully the station was close to her family's home. She took off running the second her feet hit the pavement, and she didn't stop until the crowds of people saying goodbye to their loved ones came into view. Her chest started to hurt as she got closer to the station, and she wasn't sure if it was because she was getting closer to what she'd essentially been avoiding for the entire week, or if it was because she'd just sprinted over here.

She slowed down once she hit the edge of the crowd, and she began the process of slowly walking through the throngs of people and looking everywhere for the man she wanted to speak to one last time. It was a tedious process, but it proved successful the moment she spotted a dress she couldn't miss anywhere.

It was one that she made for Polly for her birthday a few years back; when she was just getting started with her career as a seamstress' apprentice. It was made of a darker, floral pattern, and as the years passed, (Y/N) told Polly several times that she didn't need to wear the outfit, but the older woman ignored her and continued wearing it.

To (Y/N)'s relief, Ada, Finn, and their three older brothers - who were now dressed in their uniforms - were standing beside Polly. She wasn't too late. "Tommy!" she called out, hoping that he'd hear her over the buzzing of the crowd as her feet quickly took her in his direction.

He did hear her though...he would hear her anywhere, and in a second, he was turning around to look in the direction of her voice. As much as (Y/N) wanted to freeze and marvel at how his hair looked now (he'd only wore it without it being styled a handful of times, no matter how much she pestered him and told him that it made him look even more irresistible) she resisted the urge and continued walking until she was able to hook her arms around his neck and hug him tightly. He responded to her embrace by holding onto her waist, feeling like a heavy weight had been lifted off of his shoulders now that he was able to see her before he left.

"Look at your hair, Tom," she whispered once she stepped out of the embrace, her hands going up to run through his locks, "I've told you that you look so good with it like this," she continued, smiling as she tried to keep her tears in and not address what was happening around them.

"I didn't do anything to it because we're going to get it cut when we reach the front," he told her, his response bringing her back to the reality of it all. Her smile faltered a little when she heard it, and her eyes searched over his face so that she could commit it to memory and be able to remember it as she went for days without him. "Hey...what's going on in that head of yours, love?" he asked her, bringing her out of her head and back into the world around them, looking at him properly to see that his eyes were locked onto hers as he waited intently for her answer.

"I..." she paused for a moment. Come on, (Y/N), you can't go back to this now! she yelled at herself as she stood with her mouth parted slightly, watching as the light left his eyes more with each second that passed. Say something! "I...I'm proud of you, Tommy. I'm proud of you and I'm proud of what you're doing," she finally got out, her eyes hooked onto his as she spoke. "And I'm sorry that it took me so many days to come to terms with that...I was just so scared at first of what was going to happen with us and with everything, but I'm so, so proud of you," she added, every word she said coming straight from her heart. The slightest smile formed on Tommy's face as he heard what she had to say.

"I love you, (Y/N)," he said to her before he pulled her close and pressed his lips against hers, kissing her with a passion that almost swept her off of her feet.

"Last call for the five o'clock train! Boarding will end shortly!" the ticket-taker announced as the couple broke away from each other, their chests heaving for air as they came down from the high they were just wrapped up in.

"That's me," Tommy whispered against her lips, his eyes searching hers.

"I love you, soldier," she breathed, smiling at him as she ran her hand down his cheek, feeling the softness of his skin one last time. "Stay safe for me," a somber smile graced her lips as she ended speaking.

"I will, love. I promise," he assured her, pulling her into a final hug before he brought his hands up to cup her cheeks and kiss her one last time.

(Y/N) wanted to hold onto him forever, but she knew she couldn't, and she slid her hands down his forearms before dropping them to her sides as they pulled away. She then took a step back then to fall in beside Polly, who immediately wrapped her arm around the younger woman's shoulders. "I love you," she mouthed to him, watching as he held eye contact for a moment longer before bending to pick up the duffel bags he'd be bringing with him.

He made his way over to the ticket-taker then, having his ticket punched just as the conductor called out 'all aboard' and blew the train's whistle.

(Y/N) watched him as he glanced over his shoulder one last time before ascending the stairs into the traincar and vanishing from sight. She swiped away the tears and held onto Polly tightly as everything was cleared from close by the tracks so that the train could embark on its journey to France. She tried to smile as the engine fired up and began pulling the cars, but it quickly faltered as all of her emotions came crashing down on her.

These next few days, weeks, months, were going to be tough, and she knew that there'd be no getting around that. She was happy, though, that she was able to see Tommy one last time before he left to fight, and that she was able to tell him how she felt...even if she waited until the last possible minute to do so.

Tagged: @mystcldydrms @the-anxious-youth @cloudofdisney @look-at-the-soul @elenavampire21 @mrsalwayswrite @julkaamazing @evita-shelby @lilyrachelcassidy @notyour-valentine @shelbydelrey @onlydeadcells @peakyswritings @just-a-blackhole @watercolorskyy @strayrockette @peakyduchesss @alexxavicry @captivatedbycillianmurphy @yummycastiel @dark-academia-slut @tommystargirl @stevie75 @lyarr24 @signorellisantichrist @zablife @anotherblinder @midnightmagpiemama @cillmequick @rangerelik @dandelionprints @letal-y-poetica @itscheybaby @gypsy-girl-08 @insanitybyanothername @depxiety @raincoffeeandfandoms @dragons-are-my-favorite @acewritesfics @forgottenpeakywriter @cljordan-imperium @areyenotfondofmelobster @little-diable @thomashelbyswife @iambored24601 @shaddixlife

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lovelyyandereaddictionpoint · 3 months

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Yandere Radioactive Apocalypse

The constant upset and warring provinces have prepared the world for the worst. Before the blowout, many thought it wise to pay for a bunker for the oncoming atomic apocalypse. Most of the population couldn’t afford to do so, let alone believe that it would be needed.

They’d be wrong.

Whether you are one of the unsuspecting public or a passive believer, average day life doesn’t have you safely tucked in a bunker when the initial alarms go off. You are smooshed against others in a large crowd all watching and listening in awe. But the moment one person screams it's all over. The crowd twists and turns pulling you in no specific direction. As the final alarms ring out an arm pulls you through the chaotic crowd and into a bunker full of others reeling at the recent events. So here you find that you are trapped safely in the stifling and well-furnished Atomic Bunker.

“Who pulled me in here?”

“Does it matter! You survived the initial blast, didn’t you? Ungrateful twat.”

“No need to be hostile, little brother. It's natural to be vexed after watching the world end. Right in front of you.”

“Oh, all those poor souls!”

“My lady, your handkerchief.”

“My baby! My baby! I didn’t grab them! Oh, my poor baby!”

“There there, we’re all very shaken up—”

“B-b-b-but y-y-y-your still smiling—.”

“We are all dealing with the pain in different ways. But let's all take a breather and relax.”

“You don’t sound all that upset to me either.”

“I can say the same thing to you, but I guess you’re just happy to be off the streets, right?’

“Oi!”

Hearing the cacophony of such a colorful cast distracts from the initial fear. Their voices remind you that you're not suffering like the rest of those unfortunate people. They allow you to cry with an audience of fellow mourners and those who can keep calm easily. Before you can let the silence set in, they pull you back with their bickering. It's always either one or two of them that is always voicing their concerns. There’s always a voice of reason, something you’re grateful for as you desperately search for a distraction.

“Everyone! I believe introductions are in order! I am the middle child of the Penz household as well as the main manager of the bunker.”

With a blonde head of hair and a funky sense of style, his smile persists. Uvil Penz is an interesting guy as you’ll come to find. Aside from smiling during the ongoing onslaught of atomic warfare he always has a way of looking on the bright side for better or worse.

“Oh, my baby!”

“Now please miss dry your tears, there are plenty of toys down here to distract yourself with.”

His optimism is surely unique as you can’t quite place where it may stem from. On one hand, you could see it as an unemotional response with an attempt to soothe. But you’ll see him laugh genuinely or offer insight into a person’s emotions. On the other hand, it may come from a sly condescending perspective. It fits right along with his brothers’ behavior. But the way he works to compliment you often, attempting to keep your spirits high, or how he’ll make a request for your favorite foods to be scavenged makes you think otherwise.

“(Y/n)?”

“Huh? Uh yeah?”

“Did ya know: you’re gorgeous even with those tear streaks on your face.”

“What?”

“I’ve been meaning to tell you for a while now, but I think you really needed to hear that now.”

Or maybe that’s just you because you have a hard time believing Uvil trying to be soothing when he’s smiling widely after making someone cry. But it's hard to be decisive about liking or disliking the blonde as he could very well be the one who grabbed your wrist and pulled you in. On top of that, he allows everyone to stay even as opportunity knocks on the bunker door. As long as you don’t mind his ever-present smile and disconnected sympathy life will be great.

“I, Uvil Penz welcome you to the Penz bunker. Now little brother, go on. Introduce yourself.”

“Eugh! Get off me! Ugh, my name’s William and I know this bunker better than anyone else. So better learn to respect me!”

He’s certainly not like his brother. At least not on the surface. With black short hair and a disgusted sneer constantly on his face. He doesn’t bother comforting anyone at least not in the typical way. Any advice or comfort is said through gritted teeth or with an annoyed click of his tongue.

“Look, if yer gonna keep crying do it in one of the soundproof rooms. You're bothering those of us who want to think!”

Not to mention he’s the first to point out your insecurities or make fun of you for grieving at all. Don’t worry you’re not the only one, he goes just as hard if not harder on everyone else. Making sure everyone is well aware that the whole group knows of their problems. Usually snickering or outright laughing at whoever he’s decided to victimize. At one point, everyone will be annoyed with him. As much as he loves to boast about it he is the only one who knows how to maintain the bunker.

“Gosh, you are such a pain in the–”

“Don’t forget who knows how to start up the generator…so unless you want to enjoy life without lights, you’ll put your fists down.”

“Ugh! Fine.”

“Thank you…meathead.”

“YOU LITTLE-”

Despite his arrogance, his snarky jabs, and the weirdly endearing way he seeks you out the atomic apocalypse wouldn’t be the same without him. For as annoying and degrading as he may be, he’s still willing to share his switch with you when you’re feeling particularly bored. Making sure you can’t see his face when he pokes the controller against your cheek.

“Come on. You’re bored aren’t you?”

“You…want me to play with you?”

“Well duh! So…are you?”

“I-I’d love to!”

Not to mention he knows the cheat codes to all the games in the arcade room. And if you do him small favors he’ll share his limited edition ramen with you. Now he may ask for your undergarments or your toothbrush but that’s nothing in the endless days spent in the bunker. After all, it's better than the atomic aftermath out there and according to the only Penz willing to go out there, you wouldn’t last a day.

“Well, my introduction’s done. Marc!”

“Yeah yeah, ‘sup everyone. I’m Marco.”

The eldest of the Penz brothers is concerningly nonchalant from the very beginning of your stay in the bunker. With his girlfriend on his arm and an easy-going attitude, he doesn’t really bother to comfort anyone other than her. Except maybe you.

“Hey didn’t take you for a late-night snacker. You okay?”

“I’m—fine, excuse me.”

“Whoa whoa, lil’ bunny. Don’t run away just yet, the wolf has questions.”

“Please just–I’ll go back to the room.”

“Nah-ah sit bunny.”

“But you took the only chair.”

“Right here, bunny. We’ve got all night.”

Supposedly, he was quite the womanizer before he got with his current girlfriend. Will makes a point to mention it anytime anyone you is found flustered or flattered by his attention. Even so, he doesn’t let that stop him from caging you against the bunker walls to ask for something. Or teasing you when he retrieves something from outside the bunker.

“Come on just grab it.”

“Why are you holding it there? Just hand it to me normally!”

“So rude. I don’t feel like complying with a fussy bunny who doesn’t use their words.”

“Ugh! Fine. Please just hand it to me normally.”

“Ha no.”

“WHY NOT?!”

“It’s perfectly fine just grab it, babe. I don’t mind if you touch me along the way.”

For all his teasing and carefree behavior, he’s a good scavenger. Able and willing to brave the atomic wasteland when the bunker needs supplies. He’s strong and prepared to take on any unruly travelers who come by or intervene during scavenger hunts.

He’s not all that opinionated when it comes to debates in the bunker. More excited to grab a snack and watch the chaos unfold. Smiling lightly as things get heated and tensions rise. In that way, he’s like an idle NPC but the second his boundaries are crossed then you have to deal with the rare and angry Will.

“C-calm down Will…y-your not going to k-kill him right?”

“He’s the one who thought inviting our bunker-mates to play in that wasteland was a good idea.”

“Honey, it’s okay! (Y/n) didn’t actually go, right? So it’s okay, right Fin?”

“Yes, my lady is correct.”

It’s just better for everyone that no one gets on his bad side. And that everyone doesn’t mess with the things that make him happy: His peace, his girlfriend's peace, and your peace the happiness of specific bunker mates.

“Oh yeah, this my girl.”

“Um hello everyone. My name is Aria, Aria Mensloth. Marco was the one who brought me here.”

“Lucky you, I bet he’s the only one willing.”

“...Oh uhm yes I am quite grateful. I hope we can all get along.”

Aria is the sheltered blue-haired girlfriend of the eldest Penz brother. Opposites attract because, despite his immense uncaring personality, she’s generally more caring. Trying to check up on everyone she can even if her privileged life brings more misunderstandings than intended.

“You seem upset, is it perhaps because you skipped breakfast this morning?”

“Uh no.”

“Oh well, for me this is a bigger change from the usual three-course breakfast I’m used to.”

“Okay…”

“Do you not know what that is like?”

She has the best intentions but she’s still learning. Too bad for her the ones in this bunker she is familiar with don’t bother correcting her or informing her unless directly asked. Her boyfriend would sooner chuckle and play with her hair than fill in the blanks. Her butler refuses to say much else than what is needed. So guess who she decides to attach herself to? You, of course. You're the most normal lovely bunker mate around and you don’t immediately insult her when she seeks to shadow you as you navigate your life in the bunker.

“Ah, so you pick your own clothes out. How fascinating!”

“Uhm Aria don’t you do the same?”

“Oh no, my butler picks everything out for me. It’s always been that way.”

“Oh…Would you want to try picking out your own clothes, sometime?”

“For myself? Oh no, I’m far too inexperienced….but maybe I could help pick out your outfits!”

“Wait–”

“Does that sound like a good idea, Butler Fin? Can we do it?”

“I see no problem with that my lady.”

“Oh good!”

As Will’s girlfriend, she’s an important person to keep happy. Wouldn’t want to deny her, especially when her beloved boyfriend is working so hard for the rest of the bunker. Not to mention her butler with an ominous gaze who is more than willing to exact her every wish. No matter how invasive it is to your privacy. You’ll have to be careful with your words. Wouldn’t want to make her cry...right?

“Aria, don’t.”

“Ari! Call me Ari!”

“Ari sorry okay! I just don’t want to bathe with you, so please get off.”

“Y-you’re not trying to leave me, are you?! Didn’t Uvil tell us not to waste any supplies!? So please let me join!”

For as pushy as Aria can be, calling her out on her behavior or offering to tattle on her to her boyfriend usually gets her off your back. But where she lacks persistence, her butler makes up for it.

“Hello everyone, I am the Mensloth Butler Finster. It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

Finster or Fin, is like any depiction of a dutiful butler come to life. Even with the threat of the atomic apocalypse, he’s still maintaining his mistress throughout. He doesn’t talk much outside of responding to Aria and occasionally the Penz brothers.

“...”

“Look butler-man, if you’re goin’ to make breakfast why not feed us all?”

“...”

“Butler Fin.”

“Yes, my lady?”

“Can you make breakfast for Will, (Y/n), and me?”

“Yes, of course, my lady.”

“Wow….really?!”

You’ll find when he’s alone he can speak without addressing his mistress only when he wants to. But he seems to enjoy your company, especially during the night cycle when Aria is fast asleep. He smiles openly with you, cracking jokes about the day he appeared numb to before.

“Well, it seems as though you were right about them. Fighting with each other like chickens in a coop.”

“Right? I thought I’d be the only one who noticed.”

“Please your observations are hardly wrong, it helps that we can talk like this with each other. Helps us remember how to communicate. I really appreciate that you’re willing to.”

“Oh uh, no problem I like talking to you too..”

“No, thank you (Y/n). I doubt I could hold any level of sanity if it weren’t for you.”

When push comes to shove, he is capable of holding his own in a debate. His actions can be interpreted as that of a selfless and devoted butler. But it can also be read as that of someone with their own agenda—something practically impossible to decipher by his behavior alone.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea for (Y/n) to leave the bunker, either.”

“Y-your actually s-s-speaking? On your own?”

“Well, I bet it’s only because he wants his master lady to not cry like a baby!”

“Was that your intention, Finnster?”

“...My lady, is my top priority at all times.”

It’s a nice illusion though, that he’d be a somewhat normal character, considering he’s often the only one whom you can hold a normal conversation with, without walking away thinking he’s obsessed with you. But his actions do. Oftentimes, watching his behavior without his explanation would make anyone worry.

“Excuse me?”

“I just wanted to ask about you pushing Aria that one time. Why would you do that?”

“Push? Push?! Oh no you’ve got it all wrong, I was attempting to support her back as we looked at the sewer. She did lose her footing but as you saw Marco and I caught her all the same.”

“Oh okay sorry, for misjudging.”

“It’s fine, though I’d be quick to forgive if you joined in some baking with me.”

Always good at conversation, and always willing to help, Butler Finn is a friend to confide in. Someone to talk to about the odd behaviors and conversations you've had with others. One of the other ones you can talk to about this would be your resident walking encyclopedia.

“H-h-h-hi e-e-everyone I’m S-S-Simpson G-G-g-gron, Will b-b-brought me here.”

He’s like a stereotype incarnated, listing off all sorts of facts you would have never found yourself dedicated to remembering. With a stutter at the beginning of every sentence, Simpson refuses any sort of leadership, very similar to Will’s approach. Rather than having a bonafide position to argue when debates happen he prefers to chime in with what he knows for sure.

“Look, the sooner we head out. The sooner we can all actually eat something real.”

“But you realize what the risk of leaving may mean, right?”

“The world burned away! Yeah, I got it.”

“A-a-a-actucally I think Uvil sir is r-r-referring to radiation posioning.”

“What?!”

“The atomic b-b-b-bomb is not only the bringer of destruction, b-b-b-but a disease bringer.”

When he’s not bringing up important information he’s hanging around Will, stuttering a lot less and talking technically with one another. While Will is prickly, he’s able to properly articulate what he knows while also hurting your feelings. Simpson on the other hand…just can’t. It’s something you’ll try working with him on but once he gets going he just can’t stop.

“Okay let’s try this—why should I consider learning code?”

“Well…i-i-it’ll help y-y-y-you understand the programs you use the m-m-m–m-m-most?”

“Good. Now how so?”

“Well..learningtheintricaciesofcodingwillnotonlyallowyoutomanipulateyourownprograms–”

“Okay—now hold on–”

“Butintheendlearningthecodecsnotonlyallowanyonetoknowthesourcesofthewebsitesthatfunctionwithai–”

“Hey-wait!”

“IsitnotwisetolearnwhattheoneswhowillsurvivethistragedyworkthroughyoureyeslookasenchantingaseverAnywaythereallanguagetheyworkwithnowisbinarycodebutthatshouldn’tbe.”

“And there he goes.”

The real advantage of this though is his ability to return the favor of listening to his rambles. He happily listens to yours and comes with questions you’d only find yourself answering in an imaginary interview. But the adoring indigo-green gaze behind those iconic square glasses makes it impossible not to appreciate him. Not to mention, he and Will are the only two who religiously compete with you in the arcade room.

“Ack–that move is illegal!”

“Actually it's quite the opposite, really. This is the rule within the actual manual of the game’s lore–”

“Yeah, (Y/n) don’t be a crybaby you didn’t do your studying.”

“But you hid all the gaming manuals from me!”

“Well, you are the one who bet something unspecified of yours. It would be unwise not to sabotage you.”

“Ack-! To be admitting it so openly!”

“No use lying about our tactics now that we are guaranteed a win.”

As the most obvious voice of reason, it isn’t a bad idea to be in his good graces. It also makes it harder to believe your own observations when you listen to his. Able to look at the bigger picture while you only have your snapshot or so he says.

“But doesn’t this kind of product, have dire consequences for eating past the expiration date? And wasn’t there some craze about the aphrodisiac effects it has?”

“That’s a widely spread misconception, the craze was actually about the dopamine rush from the expired product.”

“Really? I’m pretty sure I remember the fanfics celebrating the stuff.”

“You are mistaken!”

“Uh okay.”

So if there’s anyone to rely on it’d be him. He may not be able to care for you as well as some of the others in the bunker. Or be as concerned as others but he’s trying his best. Of course, others may not even heed any of his efforts. Then again some of them hold themselves very highly.

“Oh, my baby!”

“Miss are you okay to talk or–”

“My name’s Henrietta Spitz! What’s your name?”

“Uhm (Y/n).”

“(Y/n)! Oh (Y/n) I’m so sad!”

Henrietta is probably one of the oddest characters in the bunker. Known as the distraught young mother who was dragged in by one of the…good samaritans within the bunker. If you aren’t swallowed by grief you’ll be swallowed by hers because she doesn’t let anyone forget what she’s gone through.

“Wahhh~(Y/n) can I sleep with you?!”

“Uhm why would you need to?”

“I used to sleep with my baby at night. It’d just help me loads if your warm soft body next to mine.”

“Just like your…baby?”

“Yes, just like them~!”

But when she’s not wailing into your chest about her lost child, she’ll start up with a new…grieving routine. One that revolves around you drinking her milk…right from the tap that is. You want to argue with her–put a stop to this weird practice that she seems deadset that you be the only participant. But she cries aaalllll the time. If she isn’t set on fussing over you or forcing you to ‘help’ her grieving she whines and screams bothering everyone in the bunker. So you’ll take one for the team…right?

“I-I have milk for everyone!”

“ We have rations Miss so it's not an issue.”

“B-b-but we might run out! It’ll stop coming if it’s not drunken up!”

“Then perhaps the breast pump you had in your bag would be helpful.”

“B–b-but to keep this up I need to have a hungry mouth on there. It just won’t be the same.”

On top of that, her fleeting sadness for her child seems to conveniently leave her countenance the second it’s too inconvenient. It’s not all that obvious at first, easily being written off as her healing grief. But when she uses it for her own agenda so obviously it’s a little hard to take her seriously.

“STOP CLINGING TO (Y/N)!”

“Nooo! I want them to spend time with me!”

“It isn’t healthy to keep them locked up in your room like this. And (Y/n) you want to leave, don’t you? Finally, get to stretch your legs?”

“Yeah, I–”

“You can’t!”

“Why not?”

“I-I-I-My baby!?”

“What?”

“If you leave, the thoughts of my baby will come back and I just can’t bear it. (Y/n) please!”

Some will argue that what she’s doing is projecting her idea of her baby onto you. That she’s stuck in a psychosis that revolves around the one who she feels is meek enough to baby. But a grieving mother who would be projecting wouldn't do what she does. Everyone grieves differently but it’s the nature of her advancements that might lead anyone to suspect she’s not as motherly as she seems.

“Oh~(Y/n)~!”

“Yes?”

“Did you know something else my baby did?”

“Uhm what?”

“They’d let me wash them all over. And give kisses to me–”

“Okay.”

“On the mouth with an open mouth!”

“Okay? And?!”

It raises some concerning questions and speculations about her story. And how she was able to make it inside the bunker when everyone separately admits they did no such thing as lead her in. Or how she often mixes up the name of the child she seems so stuck on grieving.

At the end of the day, she’s friendly to you…and maybe only you. She’s quick with her own insults the second anyone goes to question her or make their suspicions known. That and she seems to wryly refer to some hidden piece of information that keeps everyone from encroaching on her behavior.

With all that being said. She’s definitely not one to forget for her attention to you, barely rivaled by the self-appointed scavenger and protector of you+ the bunker.

“I’m Grant and that’s all you need to know for now. I’ve got questions.”

“Ask a way, Grant.”

“Why do you even have this big of a bunker?”

“Is it so bad that we thought of comfort before the world’s end?”

“...I don’t buy it.”

If there was someone you’d expect to be the main character of some dystopian novel it’d be him. Cynical, confident, and muscled like no other, he becomes the bunker’s prime protector. Despite openly not trusting the Penz brothers he is the first to demand they do something when problems arise. While he’ll sooner croak than admit he relies on them, he does often light the fire for action from the prickly trio.

“So what are you going to do about this?”

“Hm? Are you acknowledging me as the leader now?”

“No, but if everyone else has already I’d rather not rock the boat.”

“How benevolent of you!”

“Grrr.”

Hotheaded but not impulsive Grant becomes a significant facet of the group. Especially since the bunker needs more supplies. Brave and bold enough he’s willing to dawn the Hazmat suit and venture into the rumored wasteland that remains. It helps that he goes out of his way to help you settle and find your stance as the world goes through change.

“Hey. Here's some of the stuff I brought back. From the address you gave me.”

“Grant! This is-! I’m so surprised it even survived!”

“There wasn’t too much left but it was small enough and I thought it would survive the cleaning process.”

“Grant, really thank you!”

“...I-it’s no problem, you’re just lucky the blast didn’t damage it all too much.”

You’ll find he’s a compassionate guy at heart hardened by some terrible past he occasionally alludes to. But that harsh exterior tends to make up most of his image. Which can often lead to the group having…misconceptions about his personality.

“For a stupid delinquent that guy’s awful complex.”

“Speak for yourself! He keeps trying to tell me what to do!”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah! He said the time I spend hanging out with (Y/n) is unhealthy! What a nosy brat, criticizing my grieving process.”

“...Whatever."

The animosity for certain members of the bunker would become all too clear for you as the days pass. Such behavior is natural for those trapped in the same tight quarters. The same tight quarters that you can’t seem to leave; forced to watch these characters destroy themselves as they fight over something you.+

“Oh, guess it's my turn my name’s–”

“We’re happy you're here (Y/n).”

“Yes, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you!”

“Nice to make your acquaintance.”

“We are all happy to meet you, (Y/n)!”

“Pft, suck-ups. Welcome, I guess.”

“I-I-I-I-I hope w-w-we can be close.”

“Oh (Y/n), you remind me so much of my lost little love! C’mere!”

“Hey Guys! Give them space!”

The coming months will certainly be almost as chaotic as the world’s declining state. With your new family den of lions, surely there’s a sliver of a chance that you’ll thrive in the radioactive apocalypse.

It’s best you start documenting your adventure now….

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girlfriendsofthegalaxy · 5 months

Text

tuesday again 11/28/2023

tuesday again no problem will be taking a break for the 12/12 edition (not next week but the one after)

listening

previously featured Os Mutantes, a countercultural brazilian rock group, is back bc i heard A Minha Menha on an instagram reel by @/ vintagepulps on a showcase of brazilian pulp magazine covers.

youtube

the SECOND that driving riff hit i experienced a brief moment of fuckor bc this is exactly and precisely the kind of song i like. this translation tells me it translates to My Girl. it's got moon/sun imagery. it's exactly the kind of song to drive around to in the summer while having an absolutely crippling crush on the person in the passenger seat. spotify

reading

you wouldn't download a woman...

TWICE

watching

I'm No Angel (1933, dir. Ruggles) a 1936 black comedy written by Mae West and starring the babiest Cary Grant you've ever seen. i added it to my letterboxed bc i saw screenshots of this one specific dress. that’s so much sideboob. good for her.

we don't use the term "adventuress" anymore to describe a woman who does various physical or social stunts to land a husband and i think that's a shame. Tira (yes) is a burlesque dancer and (separately) a lion tamer at a down on its luck circus, becomes famous through putting her head in a lion's mouth, and leverages that fame to fall in and out and back into love.

your enjoyment of this movie will hinge on your tolerance for astrologers, circuses with animals in them, and depictions of black housemaids that have not aged super well, even if they're mostly there to stroke her ego. i'm sort of torn on what rating this would get today-- i'm assuming R bc there's a woman expressing desire but nothing actually happens beyond kissing and some sitting in laps. some peril for the lions i guess?

i do not think this particularly nailed its landing, and i'm not totally sure why they got back together, but mae west in straight up burlesque and the shimmiest dresses you've ever seen is so much fun to watch it doesn't really matter. this is sort of sidelining the her very funny, extremely quotable script. apparently any movie she wasn't allowed to write or heavily doctor her own lines just completely flopped, which i also think is very funny.

just straight up on the internet archive

playing

triple header for Things That Came Out This Decade: Genshin Impact (September 2020), Deliver Us Mars (2023) and Gamedec (2021).

brief Genshin update: your main companion in the game, Paimon, the little fairy bitch, has been the recipient of some worrying foreshadowing lately. hey Paimon you wanna tell us anything???

Deliver Us Mars, free on Epic this week. i want to like this game. i think there should be more weird little eurojank original scifi B-franchises like this and you should be able to feed your family by making them. i do not want to continue playing this particular little franchise.

it's the second game by KeokeN (The Netherlands) and published by Wired Productions (UK, although they are partnered with Koch, which means they’ll be bought up soon), a studio of under 20 counting support staff (some of who are certainly part time or on hourly contracts) and an intern. after doing that basic background research i ratcheted my expectations back a couple notches and deleted a somewhat catty paragraph about video game hair.

this is a sequel to Deliver Us The Moon, which was a successful Kickstarter and Steam greenlight (TM (C) R) and it seems they spent the four interval years mostly polishing up the predecessor Deliver Us The Moon, which i do not own and do not plan on playing.

Deliver Us Mars bills itself as an action-adventure, but during my time with it, it was more of a cinematic movie/walking sim with extremely light puzzle/platform mechanics. there are extensive childhood flashbacks following a dad around as he trains his daughter to be an astronaut. the timing and insertion of these never quite clicked for me-- they take forever and they were never as interesting as what they interrupted.

youtube

this game is not good at signposting or tutorializing. i had to restart a chapter twice bc the unique controls popped up for a brief fleeting moment on screen and weren’t in the keybinding settings. i could never quite get the mouse and keyboard camera sensitivity right, and platforming/vertical elements seem to only be partially implemented: you can only really successfully approach certain segments from extremely specific dead-on angles. there are like three big boxes in your path that you have to clamber over at one point and i do not think it should take a solid minute and a half for me to get over them. some reviewers praised the lack of signposting during the launch sequence (causing you to frantically look around at a million unlabeled buttons and levers to see if any of them were highlighted as a thing you can click) as a fun way to ramp up stress but i fucking hated it.

after two and a half hours, and only just making it to a ship OUTSIDE mars, i decided there are other games in the world. this hits some sort of minimal viable story benchmark for me, i can see why some people love it, but i don’t want to find out what happens bad enough to play through a slow game that handles terribly and isn’t much fun to exist in.

does get points for big fuckoff dishes.

Gamedec is an isometric RPG, where you are a near-future private investigator who handles delicate personal matters inside wildly popular MMORPG VR games. unfortunately all the trailers suck shit.

youtube

this is catnip to me. i love a no-combat game where i have to walk around and talk to everyone and click on everything and write things down in a little notebook. i loooooooove being nosy. i've played through the first two and a half chapters (kinky second life, racketeering farmville, and real life uh oh) and i'm having a fucking marvelous time. the writing team clearly had a lot of fun, the VR game worlds feel very alive and vibrant-- there's a ton of possible weird little flavor interactions that go a very long way toward making me forget this is a limited-perspective isometric. this is like praising an RPG for doing what it says on the tin and being an RPG, but the most recent RPGs ive played have been fucking terrible. it's not shoehorning me into one-true or main-path choices. extremely forgiving of failure, which is good bc i straight up accidentally killed my first client. i know he was a kid but he kinda had it coming imo. sometimes kids just suck shit

im so delighted by this shitty little apartment-- it's got to be fucking bizarre to exist in, bc of the ultra-loft ceilings you need to make it be isometric, but it somehow manages to feel like a studio apartment and a seedy back office all at the same time. a game that is in general very fun to Look at. will have more thoughts as i continue playing but this is really scratching some sort of itch for me. commits to the bit. funny but sincere. a pastiche in ways i personally do not find annoying. has not hit me with like konami code style references yet. due to the fact this is also in my epic games store library i believe this was also free at some point

making

fallow week for me. phil has been regrowing skin at a good clip and i can no longer feel each individual vertebra, AND we have another vet appt on friday to get more/different antibiotic goop and all of her vaccinations and microchipping done. mack made a hairball and is getting put back on an actual wire slicker brush grooming schedule. my beautiful girl seems to have a particularly dense coat among the domestic shorthairs of my acquaintance, although that may be bc she is a new england girlie and we constantly exist in air conditioning?? mixed feelings about scheduled brushies from her, even with short and light sessions. we’ll get there.

helping.

#tuesday again #tuesday again no problem #phil

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admirableadmiranda · 2 years

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Possibly an unpopular opinion.. but wwx was not a father figure for A-Yuan during their time in the burial mounds. He was more like a cool, but crazy uncle imo 🤣

Everyone be like, wwx did a good job... It was lwj who raised him 🤔 I mean, don't get me wrong.. our boy Wei did saved him twice and is so happy to have him in his life again. But lwj deserve most of the credit ✌️

Anon, I'm afraid I will have to disagree here and say that I don't agree with this take. If you are ascribing parental figures to one of them, then they both should get the credit, it’s not Wei Wuxian’s fault he was killed after only a year. I’m sure if you ask any number of people who have lost a parent young but they remember their parent being a parent while they were alive, that’s still the feeling they have now.

Yeah, Wei Wuxian plays with him a lot and teases him. That's not necessarily behavior that's only relegated to uncles. Not only does that sound pretty similar to Lan-furen playing with little Lan Xichen and Lan Wangji, but it also sounds like my dad, who definitely was a parent, just one that did his guidance through much more play related activities. There is more than one way to be a caring, good parent.

Also that being said, there are plenty of interactions and character moments that feel very parental in nature. Here he is scolding A-Yuan for eating corpse dirt:

Wei WuXian bent down and picked up the child, letting him sit on his arm, “What do you mean get him away? Can’t you talk properly? A-Yuan, why do you hug the leg of everyone you meet? Off you go! Don’t bite your nails right after you play with mud. Do you know what the mud is made of? Move your hand! Don’t touch my face either. Where’s Granny?”Wei WuXian bent down and picked up the child, letting him sit on his arm, “What do you mean get him away? Can’t you talk properly? A-Yuan, why do you hug the leg of everyone you meet? Off you go! Don’t bite your nails right after you play with mud. Do you know what the mud is made of? Move your hand! Don’t touch my face either. Where’s Granny?”

Here they are with some soup, and I double checked, Wei Wuxian is teasing A-Yuan and saying he's being a good son here. Filial piety is specifically the respect from a child to a parent or ancestor.

Wen Yuan couldn’t stop after just a few mouthfuls, yet he still knew to give the bowl to Wei WuXian, speaking as though he was presenting him with a treasure, “… Brother Xian… Xian eat.”

Wei WuXian seemed to like it a lot, “Yes, very good. So you do know what filial piety means.”

As well as A-Yuan seems to think of Wei Wuxian as a father secretly. A-Yuan gets lost in the market and while looking for Wei Wuxian, discovers and gets scared by Lan Wangji.

In the beginning, Wen Yuan was still holding onto his leg. Wei WuXian walked back and forth, picking out potatoes and bargaining. Hanging on his leg, Wen Yuan felt tired just a while later. His short arms were sore, so he let go to rest for a bit. Yet, in just a few moments, the rush of the people on the streets made him reel left and right, losing his sense of direction. His line of sight was quite low. He walked here and there, but couldn’t find Wei WuXian’s long legs and black boots. Everything in front of his eyes were pants so grimey that they were the color of dirt. He grew more and more petrified. As he spun around dizzily, he bumped into someone’s leg.

Hiding in the crowd as he heard the words ‘his dad’, Wei WuXian almost exploded with laughter. Lan WangJi immediately looked up, denying it, “I am not.”

Wen Yuan didn’t know what the people were talking about. When children were scared, they always called out to those they were close to. And so, sobbing, he called, “Dad! Dad…”

A-Yuan has not even officially met Lan Wangji yet. The narrative tells us he's scared and calling for those that they were close to. The only person who could hear him is Wei Wuxian. He calls him "A-die".

Wei Wuxian’s parenting is definitely a lot more unorthodox than most parenting we see, but let’s keep in mind that he is twenty-one at the most at the time. He is a very young man who is putting himself in the position of caring for a child in a hellistic time on earth. His main goal is to make sure that A-Yuan grows up feeling happy and cared for without ever worrying about their situation. He can’t erase all of it, but he can sure as hell make sure that A-Yuan never feels like everyone’s miserable. A-Yuan also seems to be the only child in the camps, who else does he have to play with?

The relationship between the three of them is interesting because there is no singular term that Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji use for Sizhui, nor does Sizhui quite define them in one particular relationship. He calls Wei Wuxian “Xian-gege” most of the time, but also “A-Die” once when he’s scared. He describes Lan Wangji as being like a “father and brother” to him. The two men clearly both take pride and interest in his upbringing and even take him out on special trips alone with just the two of them.

If you conclude that Lan Wangji feels more like a parent to Lan Sizhui, keep in mind that they both give Sizhui the same sense of safety. He connects the two with the same emotion.

Wei WuXian turned to him, “SiZhui, you’re the most sensible one here. Guide them a bit, won’t you? Can you do that?”

Lan SiZhui nodded. Wei WuXian added, “Don’t be scared.”

Lan SiZhui, “I am not.”

“Really?”

“Really.” Lan SiZhui smiled, “Senior, you are so much like HanGuang-Jun.”

Wei WuXian was puzzled, “Us? How are we alike?” They were obviously like fire and ice. However, Lan SiZhui only grinned in reply, and led the rest of the group out.

He continued his thought silently, I do not know, either, but they just feel similar. It is as though if either one of the two seniors are present, I will not need to be scared or worry about anything.

And both of Wangxian conclude that they are both responsible for how he turned out, as well as the same soft look in their eyes.

At least, Lan SiZhui couldn’t hold it any longer. With a loud cry, he leaped up. One hand around Wei WuXian and the other around Lan WangJi, he pulled the two into a tight embrace. Wei WuXian and Lan WangJi bumped into each other from the hug. Both of them were surprised.

Lan SiZhui buried his head between their shoulders, “HanGuang-Jun, Senior Wei, I… I…”

Hearing his muffled voice, Wei WuXian and Lan WangJi exchanged a look, only inches apart. They both saw something soft within each other’s eyes.

Wei WuXian fixed his mood and put his hand on Lan SiZhui’s back, patting, “Enough, what are you crying for?”

Lan SiZhui, “Not crying… Just… I suddenly feel so frustrated, but so happy as well… I do not know how to describe it…”

After some silence, Lan WangJi laid his hand onto his back as well and patted. Lan WangJi, “There is no need to describe it then.”

Wei WuXian, “That’s right.”

Lan SiZhui didn’t say anything. He hugged them even tighter.

Soon, Wei WuXian exclaimed, “Hey, hey, hey, why are your arms so strong? Definitely deserving of HanGuang-Jun’s teachings…”

Lan WangJi glanced at him, “You taught him as well.”

Wei WuXian, “No wonder he grew up so nicely.”

There is no single defined relationship, but it is clearly close, affectionate and Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji definitely have a mentor/parental interest in his life and take a close hand in guiding him on the road to adulthood. However the thing that is clear is that Wangxian both share the same feelings and give Sizhui the same emotions. If one is an uncle, both are. If one is a parent, both are.

Also again, I think it’s super unfair to blame Wei Wuxian for not being involved in A-Yuan’s upbringing while he was dead, especially since every time Wei Wuxian thinks of Sizhui, Sizhui keeps making him proud and thinking of how good a child he is. Lan Wangji also clearly is raising Sizhui to be aware of Wei Wuxian as he was and to when he is ready, know the other family that he lost.

If Wangxian were together and Wei Wuxian still died young, would you say that Lan Wangji still deserves all the credit? It’s not like Wei Wuxian walked out or chose not to be involved. He died. Of course Lan Wangji has put in the more time, but that’s not something either of them ever wanted.

So yeah, it probably is kind of an unpopular opinion. And not one I particularly agree with either. Sorry!

#mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #a-yuan #lan sizhui #asks #anon #anon asks #I don't know I personally feel like the only parents who should have credit stripped are the ones who choose to leave and not be involved #not the ones who died young and all that we see before then shows that they were happily involved in the process #wei wuxian likes to tease and poke fun at the people he loves #the smol child who follows him around and clings to his leg is no different #but I see him very much as taking on that role to A-Yuan in story #even if he's young and not the most experienced at it #who started as a perfect parent from the beginning?#lan wangji still buried A-Yuan in rabbits as well

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mugiwara-no-toshokan · 9 months

Text

Thrice Prophesized

CisFem Reader x Roronoa Zoro

Summary: Strap in for an isekai that doesn't involve Earth! Reader is a knight from a different world, yanked into the Grandline Metro AU against her will. Follow her as she learns about the world, the One Piece, and the Straw Hat Pirates - specifically a one-eyed green-haired "demonic" swordsman.

CW: In-Universe levels of violence, amnesia, romance, reader gets some good bad-ass moments, but shouldn't feel Overpowered if I did my job well, surprisingly no smut in this one loves, but it's book 1 of 2.

18 + only please -- 59k words - Completed - Read on Wattpad if you want or Ao3 \o/

-:-

Chapter 1: What's My Name Again?

“Heeeeeeey! Luffy!” Usopp yelled as he was coming down from the crow’s nest on the Thousand Sunny. “Luffy! There’s a person floating on a barrel!” He pointed after he was sure he had his captain’s attention. “I saw her cough so she’s still alive!”

Luffy leans over the rail and puts his hand over his eyes, scanning in the direction Usopp pointed until he saw the same thing, or enough of the same thing to know he was looking at it.

“I got it!” Luffy’s arm stretched out across the sea, and he flinches a bit. “Oh. She grabbed my hand! Chopper!”

The commotion had been enough to get the attention of the rest of the crew, as Chopper came up from the boys’ room, Sanji came out of the kitchen. Nami and Robin were coming down from the garden, while Brook, Jinbe and Franky came from the helm.

“Careful Luffy! If she’s hurt a rough landing won’t be good!” Chopper explains as Luffy’s arm begins to return.

“Eh?!” Luffy’s arm twists before he can reply to Chopper, and the person he’s reeling in slams into him.

The two go head over heels a couple of times before Luffy is pinned to the grass, his arm twisted behind his back. A woman has him pinned down, her legs over his, his arm in her grip, and a broken and jagged piece of wood in her hand. Her long hair was plastered against her from the sea water, and fierce focused eyes were fixed on Luffy.

As soon as she seemed to register him, she released her grip and dropped the jagged piece of wood.

“My… apologies.” She took a deep breath and shifted off of him, sitting on the grass. “You saved me, and I reacted poorly.”

Luffy smiles. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not like you were going to hurt our captain with a piece of wood.” Robin muses.

The extra voice causes the woman to look around and take in the crew. Her brows knit at the sight of Jinbe and Franky, and she pales when she notices Brook.

“You’re bleeding.” Chopper says, coming over to her.

“I -.” She freezes for a moment, before relaxing. “You’re a… forest spirit?”

“Eh?”

“Chopper’s our doctor.” Luffy explains.

She seems to process this information for a moment before peeling her shirt off. There’s a moment’s commotion before everyone sees the state she’s in.

There’s extra binding over the bra she’s still wearing, but her clothes, or lack thereof, are hardly noticed, even by Sanji. Bruises and small cuts litter her body, the deeper cut on her arm that Chopper noticed is hardly the worst injury among them.

“I am in need of a doctor.” She admits, holding the sopping shirt against her chest. “I am in your care, Dr. Chopper.”

She bows completely to the ground, having already been on her knees.

“Ah! Don’t do that, you could hurt yourself worse.” Chopper grows larger and gently picks up the surprised woman. “It’s okay, I’m just going to take you to the sick bay so I can tend to you.” He explains as he carries her off the deck and up through the kitchen.

“Oh, we didn’t -.” Nami starts but is interrupted by Usopp.

“MARINES!” Usopp yells pointing out across the water. He lowers his goggles and gets a better look. “Oh no… Luffy it’s your grandfather’s ship!”

“I’ll prepare a Coup de Burst!” Franky announces.

“Nami!” Jinbe yells and the navigator nods as the two head to the helm.

“The rest of us will keep the cannonballs at bay until we can take off.” Zoro says, putting Wado Ichimonji between his teeth.

“I’ll let Chopper know we’re going to burst,” Usopp says, taking off as the rest of the crew keeps their eyes to the sky.

Cutting through the kitchen, Usopp enters the sick bay and freezes in his tracks.

Chopper is on his butt, small sized again, looking in shock at the woman that he had brought in. A few feet off the bed she’s frozen in place, literally incased in ice that has taken over a section of the room, there’s a peaceful look on her face.

“What happened?!” Usopp looks back and forth from the frozen woman to Chopper.

“Aaaaahhh! Usopp! I don’t know!” Chopper’s surprise is shattered by Usopp’s question, and the small reindeer starts to panic. “I set her down to get my stuff and then it started to feel cold, and when I turned to look at her, she was coming off the bed and just – just froze in the air!”

“M-maybe she’s a devil fruit user.”

“M-maybe?”

“… Wait, Chopper, look! Is she healing?”

“EH?!” Chopper grows bigger to get a better look and gasps. “She is!”

“Oh that’s- OOF!” Usopp’s statement is cut short, and he and Chopper are tossed back as the Sunny bursts forward.

. . . . . . . .

The cold biting winds didn’t bother you. This was your country, and you took pride in that. Protecting the Archduke and the northern border of the kingdom was a great honor, and being one of the Winternight Knights was an even greater honor.

The ancient magic of the family flowed through your veins. Not only did its defensive capabilities keep you safe, but the offense capacity of the bloodline’s magic was second to none. It needed to be, in order to keep winter from consuming the world.

But you could feel the cold pulling away from you. You were too far from the Duchy, too far from the Archduke – too far away from winter to be able to call on your powers. But you shouldn’t be able to be too far away. The size of the world shouldn’t be big enough. You wouldn’t be able to travel fast enough.

Where were you?

Who are you?

Your foot lands on water. It’s warm, and clear. There’s a well-manicured man looking at you, sitting at a well-manicured table, on a well-manicured lawn. Wherever this place is, it’s clean to a point that makes you uncomfortable. The man’s hairstyle isn’t right for the kingdom, his hair is pulled up into an odd sort of tower bun, and as you look closer there’s something around his head, separating him from the world around him entirely.

“The Empty Throne shall crumble to dust, and the terrible curse of this world will be undone. The seas will swell in bounty and the ruler of the shadows will be brought to burn into the light of the Sun.” The words spill from your lips, but you don’t know that you’re saying them.

Light pours from you and you cannot even see the strange man and his strange clothes, though you can hear him screaming for guards. You repeat your words again, and again, rising higher and higher into the air.

Further from the water, further from winter.

But where are you?

Who are you?

“She prophesized the fall of the Empty Throne! Capture her!”

“Did you see that pillar of light?”

“How dare such blasphemy be uttered in the Red Line!”

“Capture her! What if she knows more? What if she knows where the One Piece is!?”

“What do you mean the light’s reverting devil fruit users? I don’t care for your excuses, get the Hero of the Marines here then! He doesn’t use a devil fruit, he can capture her!”

“Look out!”

“Is that ice?”

“She can’t have that devil fruit ability, Kuzan’s still alive!”

“She’s not turning into ice, she’s creating it – is it a new Paramecia type?”

“Don’t get distracted, stop her!”

“Don’t kill her, the power of prophecy must be contained!”

“She’s getting away!”

“Prepare the ships, Garp will need to pursue her!”

The voices fade as the comforting cold of your home country moves you forward through the air. The power is immense, beyond any application you had known it capable of prior. As though it carries a will of its own, you feel no more in control of your rampage as you did of the words that fell from your lips earlier.

You had no desire to be caught, so you had no concern for the damage you were causing. This land was not Winternight, and you had no loyalty to it. In order to figure out what was going on you needed to be free, and these people were already ready to slap you in irons. The choice was easy.

The immense power propelling you away was also draining your reserves at an alarming rate. Nothing was around you but vast open ocean. You’d only seen the ocean once before now, but you knew that this had to be it.

As your strength faded your memories faded. Falling through the air you wondered idly why you had decided to run away? Why were you in need of freedom? You had come from somewhere, but what was it called again?

Where are you?

Who are you?

. . . . . . .

Heaving in a breath you sit up in bed. It feels like you had just pulled yourself up from the bottom of the ocean and you’re panting trying to pull air into your lungs. A strange sensation tickles at you, and you look over, locking eyes with a small deer-like creature standing on two legs, and wearing a hat.

It’s looking at you in surprise as much as you’re looking at it.

“… Are you-.”

“AAAAHHHH!” You scream at the noise and scramble out of the bed, as you head out one door you can hear the small creature screaming and heading out the other door.

You come out onto the deck of a ship, and bright warm sun overhead. You skitter off to the right, only vaguely aware that you’re wearing something like night clothes, and run down a set of steps onto –

“-grass?” Your mind breaks for a second and you look around at your surroundings again. There are doors, stairs, two trees, a bench wrapped around the mast and railings on either side of you that look out into the endless ocean.

That itchy feeling pulls at you, and you look over to see a skeleton in a suit with puffy hair come down the stairs across from you. He appears to be drinking tea. He turns to look at you and speaks and you scream again, causing him to scream as well. You dart across the way and go through a door, slamming it closed behind you.

You mean to catch your breath, and gather your wits, but a heavy and oppressive air sinks into you. For the first time since you woke up you feel like you might just die.

Turning toward the feeling, you press your back to the door, eyes focused on the blade leveled at you. The man holding it has the aura of a demon, even if his appearance is certainly human. You don’t notice much else about him, except that his one good eye could melt your bones to dust if you weren’t careful.

“Stop. Screaming.” He growls, pulling the sword away from you and sheathing it. You notice there’s three swords at his waist, and the air in the room shifts back to normal as though he hadn’t just been glaring at you like that.

“I… uh. Sorry.” You manage in confusion.

He grunts, walking to you and opening the door, walking back out onto the grass and leaving the door open. You follow behind him, ready to ask him questions when there’s suddenly several people on the deck, surrounding you.

You’ve moved before you know why and you’ve pulled one of the demon-man’s swords free, holding it up in front of you and making sure your back is to a wall and not another door.

“Oi! Marimo, how could you let her do that?” A blonde man in a suit with a cigarette in his mouth was yelling in your direction, but not at you.

You look over to the demon-man and see surprise scrawled on his face before it turns to irritation.

“Give that back!” He snarls, and your body moves automatically as he reaches for you. Moving the hilt out of the path of his hand and stepping back you pivot, and tense the muscles in your legs, jumping much higher than you expected and landing half-way up the stairs next to the mast.

You can’t stop the look of surprise on your own face as you look one way and then the other, standing defensively on the stairs with the sword still in hand.

Your new vantage point, and the space between you and everyone else gave you a chance to take in the people around you more completely. There was a young boy in a straw hat with an impressive scar on his chest who seemed to be dressed like a farm hand. Two women were near the blonde man that had shouted earlier, one of them wearing a bra for a top and the other with her shirt tied in a knot just under her chest. Something about their manner of dress seemed wrong to you, but you couldn’t remember why.

The little deer creature was back, hiding behind a man with curly hair and a fisherman’s hat. He wore pants and suspenders, but no shirt, and looked like some sort of foreign appraiser. The animated Skeleton was standing next to two more people who looked just as impossible. One of them appeared to be a large fish man with white streaks in his black hair, and the other looked only vaguely human, his aqua-blue hair and a metal nose the least strange things about him.

“Shi-shi-shi-shi, Zoro, how’d she steal your sword?” The farm boy laughs, and something about his demeanor makes you feel at ease.

“I think she’s wondering the same thing, Captain.” Zoro says evenly, and you realize his eye has been fixed on you this entire time. You might’ve kept the sword earlier, but you couldn’t match the focus that was staring you down right now.

Not in your current state of confusion, at least.

“W-Where am I?” You ask finally, still hiding behind a sword that’s only yours because the demon-man hasn’t decided to take it back yet.

“You’re on our ship, the Thousand Sunny.” The young girl wearing the bikini top answers you, her orange hair framing a disarming smile on her face.

“B-But where are we? I can’t feel… can’t… what. I can’t feel what?” You shake your head; you’re forgetting something, and you only know that you’ve forgotten it. “What am I forgetting?”

Realization dawns on you as you try to run through what you do know, and you pale.

“Who am I?”

“Amnesia?” the blonde man in the suit questions.

“I… I’m…” Your legs buckle and your knees hit the stairs hard. You barely steady yourself before you nearly topple onto the sword on accident. Holding onto the rail with one hand you turn the hilt of the sword back to the demon-man. You were in no condition to defend yourself and being armed would only make things harder for you. “Done… I’m done. I don’t know who I am, where I am, or who is friend and foe. To fight in this state is dishonorable.”

The green-haired demon-man grabs the hilt and carefully takes it back from you.

“Will you let us help you?” He asks, his voice is almost as sharp as the sword.

“I pointed your own sword at you, why would you help me?”

He just looks at you in silence for a long moment. It feels like the entire crew is holding its breath waiting for you to answer the original question.

“… Yes. I have nothing else, please help me.” You say, sinking back against the stairs.

#x reader #reader insert #one piece fanfiction #roronoa zoro x reader #zoro x reader #Thrice Prophesized #grandline metro au

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mythicamagic · 2 years

Text

Sukuna's Roommate (Sukuna x reader fic) chapter two

Summary: The rent is cheap, that's the only reason you're moving into apartment 167 on such short notice. The rent is cheap, you remind yourself again, staring up at the four-armed monster you would be living with. (Female reader x Sukuna)

Warnings: some dubcon moments and general Sukuna stuff i.e: murder. Will eventually feature smut.

Chapters: One

-----------------------

~Chapter Two~

It proved difficult to decide on what to react to first. The spiked up pink hair with the dark undercut? His strikingly attractive bold, black tattoos? The fact that he was very obviously almost naked and standing right in front of me? The twin sets of eyes sitting just below his regular ones that stared at me in growing boredom? My eyes chose their target and flicked down to the series of arms, two of which had now perched on his hips, claws- yes- clawed fingernails tapping impatiently. My mouth felt dry. I swallowed, blinking rapidly.

“P-put some clothes on!”

Ah, it seems my mind was more modest than concerned about the fantastical.

The man rose an eyebrow. “Hah? I’m dressed enough.”

“You are not!! That- that thing barely covers everything!” I thrust a hand over his image as if to shield myself from the sun's glare, specifically blocking out his lower half. “Put on some decent clothes!”

“Your volume is already grating on my nerves, woman.”

‘This is not normal. None of this is normal.’ My face flushed scarlet as my mind screamed, forcing myself to inch stiffly out of the doorway.

“D-do I even have the right place? This must be some mistake.” I leaned back to check the numbers on the door hopefully.

“No mistake. You wanted a room to move into and I have one spare,” the man drawled, largely unconcerned with the whole thing as if he did this all the time. “You may address me as Sukuna.”

My eyes flitted back to him at the mention of his name. He was unlike anyone I’d ever seen before. Blood was pumping so swiftly through my body, heart racing too fast for me to feel comfortable meeting his direct stare for too long. An uncomfortable intensity lurked inside it. Predatory, yes- but nothing quite so simple as that.

“…Heh,” Sukuna’s eyes glittered as if he was having fun. Red. A sense of foreboding assured me they were not contacts. “Gotta say, this is the longest a human has ever gone without asking about my arms. Are you shy or just cripplingly polite?” He leaned forward with a patronising air, the tenor of his voice lowering into an almost intimate purr. His hot breath fanned over my cheek like the ghost of teeth on flesh. “Ah, or maybe you’re afraid? Did I hit the bullseye? It's alright, I'll be magnanimous and allow you to be scared.”

Dwarfed by his stifling presence and reeling from- well, everything- I couldn’t hold back the urge to step away, maybe even run.

A hand snapped out as if he’d read my thoughts, grabbing me by the scruff and dragging me fully inside the apartment. The door soon slammed shut with a grim sense of finality.

Hot breath hissed over my parted lips, closer now. Something flipped in my lower stomach, tightening into a confused but euphoric heat. “Now, now. I didn’t give you permission to leave, human,” Sukuna grinned, tipping his head slightly to one side and assessing my face- no doubt frozen in terror.

“W-why do you keep talking like you’re not…one?” I managed to croak. A cold sweat had broken out at the back of my neck.

His eyes turned flat. “I’d have thought the four arms and extra eyes would tip you off that I wasn’t mortal.”

‘Let me go’ had been on the tip of my tongue. The normal reaction for any woman being held like a ragdoll would be to struggle and scream. I could feel it. The hysteria building inside me.

A mocking glint entered his expression- and the words abruptly fizzled into nothingness on my tongue. It was there in his bearing, the ego pouring out of him. In that moment, I could see myself in his gaze. Cowering, shying away from his intimidating aura.

Something stubborn straightened my spine. I glared, gesturing with no small amount of heat in my cheeks between us. “I’m dealing with a naked guy right in front of me. Give me some space and maybe I’ll think a little more clearly.”

Surprise flitted over his face, and I took the opportunity to slip out of his slack hold and duck around him, easing further into his den.

The distance had the desired effect and taking a few breaths, I managed to gather my bearings. Okay, this guy was clearly dangerous. ‘Not human’ lingered like a heavy reminder, mingling with the pungent odour of new paint clinging to deep red walls. A black couch and other belongings had been shoved to one side to make room. From what I could see, the space practically radiated ‘bachelor pad.’

A thought occurred to me and wouldn’t leave, so repressing the tremor in my voice, I met his gaze levelly. “I feel like we’ve slipped off track. You…did submit the request for a roommate, right?” I double-checked. A letting agent had confirmed everything, including the set up of rent payment.

Pleasant surprise mingled with frustration briefly in his expression, before it smoothed out. He nodded.

“If you’re done trying to scare me- or whatever it is you think you’re doing- could you maybe point me in the direction of my room?”

It was all talk. I was beyond intimidated, but I wasn’t about to give him the satisfaction of acknowledging it anymore- not when he’d looked so damn happy to see me squirm. It was obvious by now that being afraid accomplished nothing, and neither did trying to run- at least right away. Maybe I could slip out of the apartment later.

Sukuna gauged my mood a second longer, and seemed about ready to call my bluff- when his mouth clicked shut. His brow quirked, and he lifted a tattooed shoulder in a half-shrug, trudging away with long strides to the left of the living room and leaning against the threshold of an open door.

Taking the silent prompt, I awkwardly tugged my forgotten suitcase over and peered into the room while simultaneously trying to avoid touching the barely clothed menace lingering nearby. It was simple in décor, plain and with a single bed shoved in the corner like an afterthought.

“Let’s lay some ground rules while we’re getting acquainted,” Sukuna began conversely. The smile he shot down at me was anything but warm. “Don’t invite anyone else into my domain without permission, got it? That means no boyfriends or girlfriends can casually drop by- no pizza guys, technicians or those damn salespeople.”

A clawed black nail rose up, touching beneath my chin and sending a jolt of shock through my system. His skin radiated warmth.

“Oh and do the dishes,” he sneered, exposing a sharp canine. “Mess is a pain when it comes from someone aside from me. Pick up after yourself or you’ll be picking your limbs out of the trash.”

My stomach chilled. A shudder betrayed me. I could tell this wasn’t just an offhand threat. I didn’t even want to know what would happen if I invited someone over.

I somehow managed to stop my voice from shaking. “Anything else?”

Sukuna’s eyes danced. “Try not to bore me like my last little roommate.”

Had he killed them? I swiftly shoved that thought down and took a breath. 'Keep going. Don’t give an inch.'

“Alright. May I say my conditions now?”

“What?”

“You put the toilet seat down for one,” I ticked off my fingers. “But most of all- you wear some more uh…layers around the house.”

“Layers?”

“Clothes.”

He looked almost playful, gesturing down his torso. “You don’t like what I’m wearing?”

“It wouldn’t be so bad if you were wearing underwear.” I couldn't be certain, but under that thin layer of white material barely shielding his crotch- I almost thought I'd glimpsed two uh- ...bulges down there. Not that I was looking.

“Uh-huh," Sukuna drawled. "You got anything else you want me to not listen to, brat?”

I bristled and dared point at his smug face. “Respect is a two-way street, sir. How can you expect me to listen to your ground-rules if you don’t listen to mine?”

“The worst I get if I don’t listen is some nagging. The worst you get is death for annoying me. Doesn't give much incentive for me to heed you, now does it?” He leered, leaning just a little closer. “Has it sunk in yet? This isn’t a shared apartment. It’s my domain. You just rent a tiny space inside it.”

My temper flared hotly. The threat of death was the only thing holding me at bay from biting him on the nose. “If that’s the way you think- why bother trying to get a roommate in the first place! They’ll be nothing but a bother to you!”

“I like having a pet around.”

This guy was unbelievable. Putting aside whatever supernatural creature he was, his male ego was clearly in tact. Grabbing the door, I stepped inside my room, lugging my suitcase in. The door creaked as black nails latched onto the handle, preventing me from swinging it shut.

"Where do you think you're going?" Sukuna snorted.

I glared. "To bed. Talking to you is exhausting. I'll phone the letting agents tomorrow to arrange for me to go somewhere else."

"Heh, you still think you can leave just like that?" He pulled the door closer to himself, forcing me to lull forward along with it. My eyes widened as I drew in uncomfortably near to his face again. "You've seen me now, Morsel. The arms, the eyes. I can't just let you go wandering off. You might squeal."

"M-morsel?" I muttered, dazed.

Sukuna kept talking as if he hadn't heard me. "Get nice and comfy. You're going to be here for a while, provided you're smart enough not to tick me off."

With that said, he clamped his hand over my face. Before I could even panic about the pressure of his figures on my skull- a warm, wet sensation drew over my lips and nose like a slimy paintbrush.

It withdrew, only to thrust inside my mouth, wringing out a disgusted shriek. I'd kissed enough guys to recognise a tongue when I felt one. This wasn't a kiss though. It was a claiming. It dominated my mouth and choked me of air.

It licked inside, delving deep and thoroughly tasting me, to the point I felt tears prick my eyes alongside heat flaring in my gut. Despite my struggling, Sukuna only released me of his own accord, stepping away with a chuckle. I gawked in horror at the sight.

A mouth grinned at me from the very centre of his palm. "A pleasure," it spoke in his voice.

With that, Sukuna turned and left, wandering away as if pulled elsewhere by the caprice of his mood. I stood there, speechless, face wet, and utterly dishevelled.

What the hell had I gotten myself into?

tbc

Chapter Three - here

#sukuna ryomen #jjk sukuna #jujustu kaisen #sukuna x reader #sukuna x you #sukuna x y/n

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some-greatreward · 10 months

Note

do you have a top 5/top 3/just a top 1 smiths song? if yes, which one and why? :)

See this is actually hard bc my list of smiths songs that I adore is longer than the list of ones I don't. I'd say in terms of favourites, I have a few that will probably always be up there, and some that i decide to rotate being obsessed with. but top 3 in no particular order are:

I Know It's Over - I tend to be a person who will obsessively listen to tracks, but not for long, because I get tired of songs very quickly. for some reason, IKIO is the exception to that rule - each time I listen to it it feels like I'm hearing it for the first time again, and I think it's because of the absolute complexity and depth of emotion - it's not so much of a song as it is a musical journey, a raw expression of pure emotional anguish. it's also a remarkably hard song to sing/imitate, at least initially, because it really doesn't have that typical verse/chorus/verse/chorus/bridge/chorus structure, and Morrissey's vocal delivery is incredibly free-flowing, rubato and expressive - it feels like the kind of delivery you'd get from a live performance, as though we're directly getting the emotions he's feeling at that moment, instead of something carefully constructed, which we know it is. also just the visual imagery of the lyrics - the soil, the sea that takes, the knife that slits, the sad veiled bride - it's all so evocative!!

also i am physically incapable of hearing the lines "it's so easy to laugh it's so easy to hate, it takes strength to be gentle and kind" and not fall in love at least a little bit.

I Won't Share You - for IKIO I talked a lot about the lyrics and Morrissey's vocal performance, and whilst that's also part of why I love I Won't Share You, this one's honestly more to do with the music - the vocal line is gorgeous but I don't think Morrissey could have written it if he wasn't being pulled in that direction by Johnny's music. idk, it's the chords or something I think??? Anyway this is one of the most beautiful pieces of music I know, I did cry the first time I heard it, and I still do sometimes when it randomly decides to hit extra hard. Can you blame me??? I'm listening to the last song of the last smiths studio album and it ends with the lovely, gentle lament of "I'll see you somewhere, I'll see you sometime, darling..." It's a shame that Morrissey never does the last verse when he sings this song live, but I get it, it hurts too much. like same moz, it hurts for us too. and yeah, goes without saying but this is obviously a marrissey classic

Reel Around the Fountain - so this is the inverse, first track of first studio album lol. I first heard this track on an early autumn morning when the sun hadn't risen yet, and I put the smiths self titled cd into my car (it was one of the first cds I ever bought for myself). and I cannot. describe what a surreal feeling it is to hear those opening guitar chords hit after that drum beat as you're driving out in the complete darkness. (also!! those piano chords at the 4 min mark!!!!) it's an INCREDIBLE opener and such a beautiful representation of the smiths' music in general. It's also another one that tugs at my heartstrings - it's a pretty tune but there's also such a resigned feeling to the whole track. It's also the song that has the best demonstration of an aspect I like a lot in smiths songs, and that's the fact that a lot of the time it really feels like these songs have their own stories and characters? (even tho they’re not specifically narrative songs if you get me) the "you" in smiths songs is often not a generalised you (but rather a specific character that lives within the song), nor is the "i" always morrissey. I just always find myself wandering about the "you" and "i" of Reel Around the Fountain - i feel a great need to know them, which is silly

ok that was wayyyyy too much, sorry for the rambling lol. @morrisseyhaterr what are your own favourites?

#asks #talk to me abt the smiths #morrisseyhaterr #the smiths

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calliopesburn · 1 year

Note

So you mentioned queer film and docs in some of your tags, may I ask if you have any specific recommendations?

thank u for asking i have SO MANY!!!!!!!!!!

i haven't actually checked but im 99% sure all of these films were definitely directed and likely also written by queer people; for context this top list is all new so look for film festivals that might be screening or streaming these virtually / below i added some older films that are more easy to find

New from the past year or two:

the one i mentioned in the post is one i definitely recommend - it's called Nelly & Nadine (doc) - two women fall in love in a concentration camp, survive, and live happily together - the documentary gets made when a queer grandkid finds old stuff and is like hrmmmm

Rule 34 - one of my favorite films ever honestly - a black sex worker (in brazil) gets into criminal law school (paid for by her sex work) and witnesses her own life and identity being constantly debated in the classroom while continuing her sex work and beginning to explore BDSM at night - she becomes increasingly erratic throughout the film in a way that culminates beautifully (talk about a chaos queer) an incredibly commentary on women's agency

Before I Change My Mind - i think it takes place in the 60s - a non-binary pre-teen kid moves from america to a small canadian town and struggles to make friends for .02 seconds before they set their sights on their crush and become a member of their toxic friend group - puts a whole new spin on 'coming of age'

Compulsus - a woman starts hunting down men who sexually assault women (from the descrip it says it never shows the actual assault that leads her to start striking back, only her committing violence)

Tahara - first of all the stop motion kiss scene still has me reeling. two jewish bffs attend a funeral and things get real awkward when they kiss 'for fun'

Framing Agnes (doc) - gender case studies from a 50's UCLA clinic are re-enacted by icons like Angelica Ross - incredible history

Wildhood - a two-spirit teen falls for another indigenous boy while he journeys with his brother to find their mom

Anything's Possible - Billy Porter's directorial debut - a muslim boy falls for a trans girl and takes his shot even though he knows people will freak out (and they do) but it's really affirming and supportive and lovely and funny <3

Esther Newton Made Me Gay (doc) - ok wanna talk about queer history?? Esther Newton was the first person to ever write about drag culture from an anthropological perspective PERIOD. i think if i remember correctly she was fired from parsons, and was on very thin ice for a long time with her career - but even still she wrote and paved the way for queer academia - writing about fire island, cherry grove, the drag scene, and more!!!!! she also identifies as a butch lesbian/between genders and this film is so incredible for the lesbians - you really need to hear her talk about gender, about butchness and femmeness - ALSO you get to see her childhood growing up in the early 1900's as a queer person and it's incredible, you'll cry but like in a GOOD cathartic way

Sleep With Me (series) - a soapy sapphic thai romance between two disabled women - one in a wheelchair and another with a rare sleep disorder. this will literally give you every cute soapy sapphic moment you could ask for!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girl Picture - lesbians watch this one!!!!!!!! this is a ROMANCE!!!!!! there were scenes where i was like omg!!!!!!! when you never realize how desperately ur craving a certain style - just watch the trailer please ; also asexuals u should watch this one too :) (just to be clear though the asexual character is straight, not the sapphic romance)

Mama Bears (doc) - this doc will also make u cry but in a really fucking good way. this is a doc on christian parents who used to be conservative and homophobic before changing perspectives after their kids come out. most notable is Kai (though she also chooses the name Esther for herself <3, based on her favorite person in the Bible), a trans girl who talks about coming out to her mom as a girl as young as 3 years old, and in spite of the abuse she was put through, she kept saying it and her mom eventually realized she could either lose her "son" forever, or accept and love her daughter. im tearing up writing this - her mom gave up her entire family to literally save her daughters life - and she did.

Nana's Boys - two black men are about to get engaged when the city goes on lockdown and their relationship is put to the test - truths come out and the gorgeous twists and turns of their relationship really shows the gentleness and supportiveness of queer relationships (it's called nana's boys because they were both raised by their grandmas <3)

Unidentified Objects - a lovely film about two neighbors who take an unexpected road trip - their lives of course changing forever as a result. one of the characters is a gay little person who's mourning the death of a close friend and the other is a sex worker who is looking for the aliens who took her when she was a kid (yes that's literally the plot) it's wonderfully well written and has one of those endings that'll send you reeling

New - haven't seen but on my list:

The First Fallen - a narrative story that follows a group a friends as the first wave of the AIDS epidemic approaches in Peru <3

All the Beauty and the Bloodshed (doc) - you'll likely hear about this as its Laura Poitras' new film, it's about Nan Goldin

Stupid for You - a sapphic girl musical????????????????????

Way Down - an episodic on a bunch of friends trying to be musicians - the lead is non-binary in a romance with various ladies and i think everyone else in the band is queer too

The Blue Caftan - a tailor in morocco lives happily closeted with his wife until they hire a sexy assistant

The Inspection - a gay man enters the military and finds unexpected support and family

El Houb - can only remember that it's a muslim guy who comes out to his dad but is a dark comedy (he literally runs into the closet at a point in the film)

My Emptiness and I - a newly out transfemme woman navigates life and dating and surgery

Moneyboys - two gay men in i think taiwan?

so in general i highly recommend paying attention to queer film festivals - newfest, frameline, and outfest are the major US ones (they only stream in the US but im pretty sure you can use a vpn) inside out is a canadian one; most of them stream now!!!! like 80% of their films are available to stream for a short duration so sign up for their email lists and mark their festivals on your calendars because if you pay attention to these you'll start to see actual queer stories written and directed by queer people!!!!!!!!

also consider watching shorts programs - some of the most impactful films ive been seeing have been shorts (there's one called Dress Up that has been glued into the back of my skull for like 2 months) and shorts are basically seeing into the future of queer film and a lot of them are amazing so highly recommend!!!!!!!

For things currently streaming or easy to find and download:

Fantasy of the Girls (2017/2018 depending where you look) thrilled to list this one as it's actually the film that made me realize im a lesbian :) full film is also on YT

The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls in Love dir Maria Maggenti (1995)

Saving Face (2000) and The Half of It - dir Alice Wu

The Watermelon Woman (1996)

Hedwig and the Angry Inch (late 90s i think)

Fire (1996)

Desert Hearts (1985)

The Velvet Vampire - feels like jennifer's body but in 1971 with a vampire who wants to have sex/kill both ppl in a married couple (dir. by a woman; haven't seen this yet though)

Chutney Popcorn (1999)

Paris is Burning (1990)

Brother to Brother (2004) (anthony mackie)

Pariah

Portrait of a Lady on Fire

The Miseducation of Cameron Post (a sad one but chloe moretz dated the girl from the film and the director is queer - incredible film)

Lingua Franca

Fire Island

Naz & Maalik

The Obituary of Tunde Johnson

Firstness

Firebird

See You Then

Ammonite

No Hard Feelings

Shiva Baby

Flee

Passing

also consider watching shorts programs - some of the most impactful films ive been seeing have been shorts (there's one that has been glued into the back of my skull for like 2 months) and shorts are basically seeing into the future of queer film and a lot of them are amazing so highly recommend!!!!!!!

#hope this helps!!!!!!#watch queer film!!!!!!!!#queer film #long post

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prometheanglory · 2 years

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Ronnie simp in me got to my head but uhm ✂️ 🌏 👑 🔥 if it’s not too much augahagahsh

-rev

NO SUCH THING AS TOO MUCH HUZZAH

✂️ SCISSORS - what is the "last straw" for them to cut someone out of their life? how easily do they let go of people?

TBH… he has a lot of ‘last straws’ and he is all too willing to burn bridges. the pattern seems to be the moment he can’t really swallow his resentment of them? like we all know that ronnie’s kinda moody and gets annoyed pretty easily 😭 but like… he’s also got an incredibly low tolerance for ppl who rub him wrong in a very specific direction. and like i’m sure we’re all aware he’s a jerk and he’s bitchy sometimes but there’s a separate level of He Hates You and it’s a lot less catty and very maliciously cold + venomous 💀 like… a concerning amt of empathy flies out of the window.

this ‘direction’ generally involves overstepping his boundaries, especially in regards to his self-image. the moment someone treats him like he can be knocked around or tries to demand too much out of him bc they think he’s easy, it brushes up against a very ugly sore spot in him.

he lets go of ppl like kids let go of balloons 😕 a little too easily but it still aggravates them when they do it bc they dwell on their feelings too much (ok maybe not the kid but defo ronnie&3,&3&(93)

🌏 EARTH - will they give up the world for someone they love? is this decision easy for them?

the answer is no 🥲 sacrifice is nowhere in his book as a love language. it’s a very easy decision for ronnie to make, particularly bc something ronnie doesn’t rly see sacrifice as a thing that… rly serves him or anyone else? in fact, he thinks sacrifices (especially on that scale) is insane. just for one person? really? not even yourself? not even a separate reason outside of your partner? get a grip! nobody is that important!

👑 CROWN - what does your oc want to be remembered as? why?

RONNIE….. RONNIE WANTS TO BE REMEMBERED…..? i feel like he’s not setting out to make a name for himself in anyway, but if his name ever crosses anybody’s lips then he’d want them to know that he’s the guy who got things done without ever compromising a single thing about himself.

mainly messing around with narrative parallels in stagrove and analyzing ronno across the bambi movies — but the way chase is… shockingly similar to ronnie? except ronnie is much more upfront and honest about how little he values other people’s input if it contradicts his goals. chase and ronnie are both incredibly stubborn and malicious people, however chase keeps his malice very muted. it’s never quite as ‘out in the open’ as ronnie treats his feelings. while it’s a bit strange to imply that ronnie wants to be known as the guy who can’t reel himself in (bc thats not the truth at all) i’d say that . ronnie’s a guy that puts his integrity first before anything else.

🔥 FIRE - do they have any self destructive tendencies? what habits do they have that hinder them from becoming their best self?

the man’s a husk without his self destructive tendencies 😷 he’s aggressive and petty and holds grudges for way too long. he’s a bit prone to spiraling and then he goes out of his way to do something that makes him incredibly upset on purpose (and likely harms other ppl in the process) to establish some semblance of control when he’s in his very volatile moods. you can count his manwhoring to be part of those tendencies, because god knows he doesn’t have the heart or charisma to consider keeping people around for longer than 3 hours. keeps people at an arm’s length because he gets grossed out if they try to get closer or know him any better, so most of his relationships are pretty shallow and devoid.

#mentally ill laser beams blasts ronaldo like a microwave #ronaldo buckman #twst #twisute oc #answers #v speaks #emoji game #fr tho i love all the emoji questions so go crazy kyaaa😳

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rauko-creates · 2 years

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Honey, There Is No "Right" Way

(Part 1: You Knew Who I Was) (Part 2: With Every Step)

Part 3: That I Ran

Balthazar lay staring at the ceiling in their shared room, mind too full and too reeling to sleep. “How does it feel to be in love?” he directed to the other side of the room where he could hear that Castiel was getting no more sleep than Balthazar was. Castiel didn’t snore, but the change in breathing when he slipped into sleep was rather distinct.

Castiel sighed and rolled over in his bed. “Balthazar…” he groaned in a tired voice that was low and rough and—sue him—did things to Balthazar. “It’s two in the morning.”

Balthazar turned his head and squinted through the darkness. “Oh good. It’s the perfect time to have this talk, then.”

“You have work at eight.”

“But you don’t have to be up at any specific time, so why are you worried?”

Castiel sighed heavily, seeming for all as though he were wondering what he’d done to deserve this. “Yes, but if you don’t get enough sleep then I live with you and will have to deal with your crankiness.”

Balthazar waited.

“Okay.” Castiel took a moment. “I think it’s different for everyone…”

Balthazar rolled his eyes even though Castiel couldn’t see it. “Indulge me. What does it feel like for you?”

“I wasn’t done,” Castiel huffed. “As I was saying, I think it’s somewhat different for everyone, and I think…that it’s also different with everyone. Every person is different, so every relationship is different…or at least I believe it should be. People are not all the same, so why should the rules for relationships be?”

Balthazar had barely opened his mouth.

“Don’t complain that that doesn’t help; let me think.”

Balthazar fought down a chuckle.

“When you start to fall in love with someone,” Castiel continued, “for me at least, it—it feels like you’ve found the most interesting and wonderful person to ever exist. You think that they’re intriguing and funny and beautiful, and at first you don’t realize you feel anything out of the ordinary about them except that they stand out to you. You assume that everyone surely notices them and sees all those things about them, because—because they’re amazing; and then it’s very confusing when you find out that other people don’t notice and fixate on that person the way you do.”

Balthazar hummed an acknowledgement that he was listening.

“Then—you don’t always recognize it as it’s happening, but—one day, you realize that, at some point and perhaps without your permission, your entire world has shifted, and somehow your existence seems to have reshaped itself around one person.”

Balthazar shifted in his bed. That sounded…intense. “Is that…how you felt about Dean?”

“Yes.” Castiel’s voice was quiet. “I would have gone with him anywhere.”

“Hey…” At the sound of pain in Castiel’s voice, Balthazar pushed his comforter down and padded across the room to Castiel’s bed. “None of that. Make room.”

“What are you…?” Castiel began as Balthazar lightly pushed him towards the wall. He sighed. “Fine, come on.” Castiel lifted the blanket and moved away to make room for Balthazar to join him.

Balthazar worked an arm under Castiel’s head as he lay down and draped the other arm over him. He felt like an imbecile who couldn’t learn the lesson of not bringing up painful history. “I apologize. I didn’t intend to trouble you.”

Castiel huffed. “I’m not troubled.”

“You are.” It was dark, but Castiel’s scowl was hard to miss anyway. He began stroking a hand along Castiel’s spine. “I’m sorry, both that you were hurt and for my bringing it up. We don’t have to talk about it.”

Castiel lay breathing for a moment and seemed to relax a little in Balthazar’s arms. “It’s fine,” he finally said, “but…why are you asking?”

Balthazar’s hand wandered up, and he began absently playing with the soft curls along Castiel’s neck, thinking. “It’s a complicated subject for me and one I remain curious about, because…well, I do understand the appeal of a relationship; I just never never feel as though I’m doing it correctly.”

Castiel shifted and wound an arm around Balthazar’s waist. “Our society puts far too much weight on romance as the highest form of love. It’s not. It’s simply a form of it. If you don’t feel like you’re missing anything in your life without it, then you’re not. If it doesn’t appeal to you, you shouldn’t force yourself.”

“I’m not. It’s more…” He sighed, searching for words that explained it. “It’s not that I don’t see the appeal of a romantic partner. Believe me. It’s why I’ve tried so many times. I think it would be nice to know that someone would always be there, to have someone for whom I cared deeply and who cared for me. I enjoy relationships; I simply don’t enjoy people telling me how I’m supposed to feel while I’m in one. And people do insist that you’re supposed to feel a certain way about that person, that they’re somehow supposed to feel innately different than all the other people you love aside from perhaps being your strongest bond; and I think that if I were able to experience that feeling, I would have by now.”

“You…want a companion…” There was a significant level of surprise and awe in Castiel’s expression and voice over something that Balthazar would have thought obvious. “It’s not—you don’t date for sex?”

Balthazar huffed. “If that were all, I would forgo the entire institution and simply meet people in bars. Sex is a nice perk, a really nice perk…but no, that’s not why I date, not the whole of it anyway. Aside from the fact that sex is much more pleasant to me when it’s someone I know and trust and have a connection with—I honestly have trouble even being attracted to someone physically that I don’t already like as a person—but that is simply one of the many things I enjoy about being with someone.”

“Huh…” Castiel tucked his head beneath Balthazar’s chin. “Are you lonely?” he whispered.

Balthazar held his best friend as they lay there in the soft glow of streetlights through the window and wondered why love couldn’t feel like this. Why couldn’t it feel like having a best friend whom you trusted and who felt like home and whom you could hold in your arms, not because you felt aflame but because you were that comfortable with each other?

Balthazar closed his eyes and ran his fingers further into Castiel’s hair. “No, but I imagine I shall be someday.”

Castiel pulled back and looked up at him. “Why?”

He swallowed. Because, someday, someone’s going to see you for everything wonderful that you are, and they’re going to sweep you off your feet; and I can’t even ask you not to leave me, because I can’t give you what you need. “Because I don’t want people the same way they want me.”

Castiel’s voice was serious. “Neither do I.”

Basthazar let out a breath. “I suppose not.” His thumb traced the lines of Castiel’s cheekbones. “You know, sometimes I wonder how much easier it would be to be normal like everyone else.”

“Ha, ‘normal,’” Castiel scoffed, and if his hands were free, Balthazar knew they’d be forming quotation marks. “Having seen the divorce rate, I don’t believe things are so easy for the rest of the dating world either.”

Balthazar chuckled and tucked Castiel’s head back against his chest, his hand resuming its earlier path through Castiel’s hair. “No, I suppose it’s not as though they’re doing spectacularly.” They lay there quietly for a while, Balthazar’s mind wandering over their conversation. “Hey…” he swallowed, “The way you described falling in love, how it felt for you…is that normal? What I mean is…do you think others would describe it the same way? Have you felt that way for anyone else? Or was it just…”

It took Castiel a moment to answer. “I don’t fall in love easily,” he said. “I don’t…think it’s this way for everyone, but for me, there has to be a strong connection before I’m able to even consider someone in a romantic light. I suppose that’s not unlike how you said people are more sexually appealing when it’s someone with whom you feel a connection, but it takes me…a particularly long time. Usually, it’s only when I’ve been friends with someone for years. And…falling in love is a little different every time, but to answer at least part of your question…yes, the feeling I described, I’ve felt that way more than once.”

Balthazar took a moment to process that.

“I can’t tell if this conversation is helping or leaving you more confused.”

“A bit of both I believe.” Balthazar chuckled. “I have to be honest, being in love sounds a bit horrifying.”

Castiel laughed suddenly against his chest. “It is. To give that much of yourself to someone…and hope that they even actually want it…it’s terrifying.”

“But good…” it must be, or so many wouldn’t do it, “right?”

Castiel’s fingers pressed into his sides. “...It can be,” he breathed.

Balthazar thought about that, about everything Castiel had described, about having someone who was central to your world and mind in a way that others perhaps didn’t understand and that didn’t match how those others thought of them. “It sounds…not too different from having a best friend that perhaps others don’t seem to get the way you do.”

Castiel hummed. “Yes, it can be a lot like that.”

Balthazar huffed into the darkness. “Well, that wouldn’t be so bad you know? A best friend that you get to kiss.”

“No.” There was something in Castiel’s voice even as his arms wound tighter around him that Balthazar couldn’t quite place. “That wouldn’t be so bad.”

(Follow on AO3)

#calthazar #castiel #balthazar #spn rare pairs #ace!cas #aro!balthazar #domestic fluff #roommates au #friends to lovers #challenges/events #tiny ship fleet fest #rauko writes

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sparklywaistcoat · 2 years

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Abuse: A PSA

After the latest bit of Tumblr Drama(TM) regarding A Certain 1960s Spy-Fi Actor, I feel like I need to lay down some knowledge about what abuse is and what it isn’t.

Abuse isn’t occasionally feeling grumpy or having a bad day or having high standards. Everybody feels grumpy sometimes, everybody has bad days sometimes, and everybody has standards for their lives and work, but not everybody is abusive.

Abuse is behavior intended to hurt, demean, humiliate, or control another person. To be considered abuse, that behavior must be something that is regular and continuing. It’s not just a one-off lapse where someone got angry that one time. And by “regular and continuing,” I don’t mean that it’s always directed at one person or toward a particular set of people, but rather that it is behavior a person exhibits that regularly and frequently occurs, regardless of who the current victim might be.

Abuse can be directed continually at only one particular target (although abusive people are rarely that picky), or it can be directed a bunch of targets, although how bad the abuse is per target depends on the abuser and on the targets.

There are also many types of abuse, only a small number of which are physical:

verbal abuse

emotional abuse

physical abuse

sexual abuse

financial/economic abuse

litigation abuse

gaslighting

stalking

spiritual abuse

neglect (usually of children, the disabled, or the frail elderly)

abandonment (usually of children, the disabled, or the frail elderly)

This may not be a complete list; it’s just the ones I could think of in the moment. Also, most abusers will engage in a constellation of these behaviors, not just one.

It’s important to remember that abuse that doesn’t injure the victim’s body directly is still abuse. In fact, most of the forms of abuse listed above are not inflected directly on the victim’s body. Non-physical kinds of abuse are the most pernicious because they leave no marks and often take place in private, which makes them hard to prove to outside observers.

Abuse usually follows a specific cycle. An incident of abuse will be followed by a period of peace and calm. At the beginning of the calm period, the abuser may even appear contrite and willing to change. However, during this period of calm, the abuser builds up a head of steam until they lash out again, and then the cycle repeats itself.

This cycle is one of the reasons why people who are subjected to abuse--and especially to non-physical abuse--can find it hard to recognize that they are, in fact, being abused, because it’s so easy to excuse the abusive outburst as “occasional grouchiness” or “having a bad day,” or “he just likes things done a certain way.” The cycle of abuse can often lead the victim to think that maybe this time the abuser is sincere in their apology and really will begin to change (pro tip: they aren’t and they won’t). This means that victims may stay through many cycles, for years or even decades, before they a) realize they’re being abused and b) are able to leave.

Another important thing about abusers is that although their abuse is a continually present pattern of behavior, they don’t abuse everyone they come into contact with. They will be charming and polite to some people, and abusive to others. They may even be charming and polite to their victims, especially early in the relationship (which is how they reel the victim in) and in front of other people whose good opinion the abuser values.

Being nice to other people and abusive to their victims is an actual tactic that is intended partly to sow the seeds of doubt in the minds of third parties, so that should the victim speak up about what they’ve endured, they won’t be believed. “But Joe the Abuser didn’t abuse me/them/these other people” and “Joe the Abuser abused X, Y, and Z” are statements that can be simultaneously true. “Joe the Abuser abuses his wife and children” and “Joe the Abuser is a pillar of the community” are statements that can be simultaneously true. Joe is still an abuser in each of these scenarios.

Below are a few other resources on abuse and how to spot it:

Signs of Abuse - National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

Warning Signs of an Abusive Person - City of Portland Police Bureau

How to Recognize the Signs of Emotional Abuse - Healthline

Domestic Abuse: Recognizing the Potential Abuser - WebMD

If you are in an abusive situation, there are some important things you need to know.

First is that you are not alone. There are people and organizations who can help you.

Second is that the abuse is not your fault. Nothing you have done, thought, or said made you deserve how you were treated.

Third is that if you want to leave but can’t, or if you want to leave but just aren’t ready to, that’s perfectly valid. Only you can decide what is to be done about your situation, and you’re not stupid or weak for staying.

I’d love to be able to provide resources for everyone who might see this, regardless of what country they are from, but that’s just not possible. If you can, look online for domestic violence resources in your home jurisdiction. Many jurisdictions also offer free and low-cost legal resources to help you leave your situation.

If you’re using your own phone or other device at home, be sure to use a private browsing window, or else completely clear your history after your session so that your abuser can’t see what you’ve been doing.

You may want to use a computer or other device that your abuser doesn’t have access to, such as a library computer, if that’s a safe device for you, in case your abuser has put spyware on your own devices.

Stay safe, and stay strong. Someday you will be free.

#abuse #domestic abuse #domestic violence #intimate partner abuse #child abuse #elder abuse #ableism #disabled abuse #abusers #recognizing abuse

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blackwindsreads · 6 months

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The Ashes and the Star-Cursed King ★★★☆☆

Rating - 3.5

Overview - In the wake of the Kejari, everything Oraya once thought to be true has been destroyed. A prisoner in her own kingdom, grieving the only family she ever had, and reeling from a gutting betrayal, she no longer even knows the truth of her own blood. She’s left only with one certainty: she cannot trust anyone, least of all Raihn.

Plot - Essentially, half of this book was Oraya grappling with her feelings for Raihn and dealing with the fact that she is reluctantly but clearly in love with the man who killed her father. The second part of the book is the rebellion attempting to retake the House of Night from the House of Blood and Raihn's enemies in his own court.

Honestly, the book dragged for me and Orya's struggle with Raihn felt both too drawn out and too short to allow time for Oraya to get over the fact that Raihn is her father's killer too fast. The fact that they were going to get back together was very clear and made the start of the book feel repetitive.

The coup at the wedding was probably one of my favourite parts of the story and felt more high-stakes than some of the battle scenes.

The ending was neither shocking nor too boring, falling somewhere in the ''meh'' section for me - the introduction of the gods at the end was a pleasant twist and I enjoyed the scenes of Oraya interacting with them.

Overall it felt that as soon as Oraya and Raihn were together, the fire of the heart of the book sizzled out for me.

Characters - I did not feel like we got any groundbreaking development across the book, not even in Oraya's case - if anything, she felt uncharacteristically lost for me at the start of the book.

Mische was a disappointing read to me - her shock meeting with the character who turned her was both confusing and underwhelming, and her supposed drama felt very brushed over, explained lackingly and made Mische feel like a random insert popping up here and there for Oraya to note how she is not smiling or acting like herself. Felt like an odd narrative device to introduce her story but still leave it laying by the side of the road with no clear direction. Perhaps this is going to be unpicked more in future books..

Raihn is more of the same ''I am strong and a bit of a brute but I am a cookie at heart'' that I often feel we get with MMCs in fantasy, especially after they ''get the girl''.

Septimus always was one of the more intriguing characters in my eyes and I wished we would have seen more of him.

What I liked most - I would not say that specific moments really stood out for me - the plot was plotting, but felt drawn out. I would highlight the wedding coup yet again as some of the stronger parts of the book, but overall I did not find it very memorable.

What I hated most - The pacing felt off and the inevitable ''get back together'' between Oraya and Raihn in the first part of the book felt like I had to sit through hundreds of pages until the inevitable is going to happen and the plot will proceed.

Final thoughts - I still enjoy the world of these books and wish that the plot moved along a bit more quickly. I also feel like some of the worldbuilding could be better, as some of the rules of the world are still feeling a bit muddy to me, making some of the characters' intentions unclear too. Not a bad read overall, but does not make me scream for the sequels either.

#crowns of nyaxia #ashes and star cursed king #oraya x raihn #raihn ashraj

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talesfromsigil · 7 months

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So I've elected to stop using Wattpad. I don't get the kind of engagement that I'd like there, and frankly, their app has started to annoy me. Updates will continue here, on Royal Road, here on my blog, and on my new discord server: https://discord.gg/Ns5kQ2Mp

My first time landing the Theseus without a guidance system was a little bit rough. I’d practiced on a lighter ship in the sim, and I hadn’t accounted for the increased weight that came with my larger vessel. I didn’t cause any damage, but I certainly tested the limits of the shock pads on my landing gear, and the crew lurched in one direction simultaneously as I touched down.

The landing pad was soft. The dirt wasn’t pressed down from significant use, and might have even been set aside specifically for us, but the only thing growing on it were small green patches of plants. Personally, though, I was marveling at the sheer volume of plant matter surrounding me. Miles and miles of green as far as the eye could see. This is where plants were from as well, and their dominance across the landscape was obvious. Had they grown to be sentient alongside humanity, it would have been clear who would have won out between us and them. Considering that the most dense source of plant life I’d ever seen had been greenhouses, and most of my exposure had been in decorative planters strategically placed to aid oxygen quality, seeing an entire planet absolutely overrun with them in the wild was jarring to me. Part of me almost wanted to get out of my starship shell to feel and breathe in the air, just to experience what the atmosphere evolution had intended for us.

But I was happy enough with my void, and I had work to do. I drifted through my mental map and into the cargo bay to see the crew starting to gather around a few sealed containers that had toppled over, but mercifully remained unbroken. I tapped into the intercom, and after a moment of feedback that made the others reel back and hold their hands to their ears, I sent out in a muffled, static-lined approximation of my voice “Sorry for the rough landing, minor miscalculation, won’t happen again.” Before I shut off my connection, not wanting to make them endure my horrible electronic speech for another moment. It seemed I needed more practice.

Joel grumbled “That’s another miscalculation for you. Stick with the text.”

“She’ll get the hang of it.” Mouse quietly reassured him.

“Hope so, I like my ears.” Ray gave a chuckle and hauled an entire crate up over her shoulder, using her other claw to balance it out.

With the flip of an electronic switch, I opened up the cargo bay door, and turned off most of the life support system. Earth was a very hospitable environment without any need for atmospherics at all. I didn’t need artificial gravity either. With several major systems in decline, I felt myself feeling a little heavy just like when I had connected to the Lunar colony’s systems, but since I still had to generate my own power, it wasn’t overwhelming and I didn’t feel like going to sleep, just a little lethargic.

“Their elder’s going to be coming to meet us. Ray’s going to be the only one cleared to enter the village. Otherwise, just take the stuff to the end of the clearing for them.” Aisling explained as the sun began to shine in on them from my open door “Feel like this goes without saying, but no one mentions Meryll by name. She’s just Theseus, and she’s gotta act like a standard core. Follow orders, don’t show any signs of humanity. Got it? That’s our procedure from here out.”

The rest of the crew nodded in agreement, and I was okay with it too. I may have stipulated that I be a member of the crew and treated as such in my ‘contract’ with Aisling, but if I had to act like a machine in front of strangers to maintain my anonymity and freedom, then so be it. It wasn’t like I would be around them for long.

The others stood in the doorway, starting to pile crates out onto the landing pad before I caught something on my external sensors. Movement at the far end of the clearing. I pinged Aisling’s tablet ‘Incoming. About 60 degrees from the cargo bay. She looked down to read, then turned immediately toward where I was pointing to see a group of six flanking a woman on the verge of being elderly. They were still distant, so I doubt that Aisling could see her in as much detail yet, but she was a strange sight. She wore painted markings on her face that reminded me of the marks I’d become accustomed to seeing on Ray’s torso. I made a note to ask her about those later. All of the people wore roughly processed leather garments with heavy wear, no doubt from long-term use in the Earth wild. They had modern guns at their sides though. They weren’t being wielded, but it was perfectly clear that they didn't trust us.

As the others started walking forward to meet them, I couldn’t help but be curious. The others were still within my network range, so I patched into Aisling’s tablet and turned on her microphone so I could listen in.

“Welcome, warrior.” The woman called out, seeming to look toward Ray. Then she turned to look at Aisling and the others “And company.”

“You’re talking to her.” Ray gestured to Aisling as the groups came to a stop several meters from each other “She speaks for me.”

“You have unusual allegiances. But I suppose things work differently off-world.” She nodded to the captain “Aisling Barrowin?”

“That’s me.” Aisling crossed her arms “Quite the entourage. An interesting way to greet someone who’s here to help you.”

“I believe she’s here to help.” The woman gestured to Ray again “But if a warrior of her caliber says you’re trustworthy, I’ll have to take her word for it.” She motioned to her guard and they seemed to relax a bit “Forgive the caution. We’ve had some recent bad faith with spacers. And I’ve read into your bounty, Ms. Barrowin.”

Aisling had a bounty on her head herself? This was new to me. “Just Aisling. And it’s a Foundation bounty, that should tell you what you need to know.” Aisling motioned to Ray, who set the crate down on the ground between them “Eight crates total, all packed with rations. And a few medkits at the bottom. Not my call, Skulls insisted.”

The woman scoffed “You can keep them yourself. Don’t trust spacer meds.” She walked forward and popped open the lid, revealing rows upon rows of the same kind of dried protein blocks I’d had before. I almost gagged. That’s what we were giving these people? It hardly felt like aid anymore. “Yeah… that’ll get us through the winter.” She mumbled after doing some math in her head. She sealed it back up again and motioning to her guards to pick it up “Bring it to the edge of the clearing and we’ll let our contact know you did a good job.”

Aisling nodded “We do need some information. Not holding your goods hostage or nothing. It’s yours and I intend to get paid for a good job done. But we’re looking for a real outlaw.”

“The warrior’s welcome.” She motioned to Ray “I’m sure she can handle it.”

Aisling rolled her eyes “Alright Ray, you’re on recon duty them. Rest of us will get the goods out here.” Ray nodded and walked over to join the group of Earthlings, the two groups separating again as Aisling brought the rest of the crew back toward me.

‘Can we trust her with Ray?’ I pinged Aisling.

She checked the tablet and started typing back rather than speaking out loud ‘They wouldn’t dare hurt her. Tribals have a lot of respect for people like her. Were you listening?’

‘Of course I was. Didn’t know you had a bounty. Don’t worry, honestly just makes me trust you more. Are all tribals this suspicious of people like us though?’ I had to ask.

‘Most.’ Was all she typed, clipping her tablet to her belt so she could help Mouse pick up one of the other crates.

I watched as Ray walked out of the clearing, hoping I’d see her come out again before too long.

Four of the guards returned to take the crates into the woods, as well as helping the others out nearer to the ship when they could. The job probably could have been much easier if someone else could have gone into the village. Ray was easily the strongest of any of us, and had demonstrated it well when she’d carried the supplies herself like that. They didn’t seem to respect efficiency or our time that much though. I’d definitely want to have a word with Ray about the tribals’ behavior once she got back, I had to pick her brain about her culture after this encounter.

At the very least, they didn’t seem interested at all in getting anywhere near me. I had to wonder if they would be as understanding as Ray was about my form of ‘shamanism’. It was best not to try.

I was done prying, it was time to do my job. I continued to scan all of my sensors for approaching threats, suddenly feeling vulnerable knowing that the people beyond the tree line may not be as friendly as I’d hoped they would be.

#creative writing #writing #transhumanism #science fiction #writeblr #Theseus

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