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maladaptive-ninja-returns · 3 years

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It’s The Avengers (03x17)

Loki x Reader Avengers The Office AU (Slowwwwww Burn)

Season 3 Episode 17: Homecoming

SEASON FINALE

Series Summary: Living in the Avengers facility post-apocalypse in a better timeline Tony Stark has decided to capture every moment by pulling The Office on the Avengers. All of housemates are pretty used to the idea except for you, who had just come here to finish her degree, and the newest member- Loki.

Warnings: something mild that you guys have been waiting for

Word Count: my therapist diagnosed me for ADHD and she said that I am on the borderline of the spectrum. In the sense that I have a chance of getting better if I go through proper therapy and bring a change in my thinking. That is good to hear and hopefully I will do better by myself in the near future.

MASTERLIST in bio, darlings. Tags are open (check bio)

A whirr followed by a piercing hum of a machine filled the blackness of the recording device. "Oh shit," a whisper was heard from within the dark. "What," another whispered back. "I forgot to pee." "Scott," multiple voices whispered at once, making Scott apologise to everyone in the dark. "All right, everyone," Natasha's composed voice addressed everyone, "we are jumping in five, four-" "Bucky, is that you?" Steve's voice was quite low. "Three-" "Yeah...well, I've never travelled to space so..." the White Wolf was quick to answer his boyfriend. "Two-" "Maybe I should've worn a diaper?" Scott's whisper was an amplitude higher now, the fear quite evident in his voice. "One."

The darkness was replaced by a flash of light flooding the lens before gradually giving way to a desert. The camera moved around to take in the Avengers team all suited up in black and purple scrutinising the area around them. Slowly everyone was opening their suit helmets once the oxygen concentration on this alien planet was confirmed. Scott was taking little jumps with his legs crossed. "Excuse me," he exclaimed quite urgently before running haphazardly behind a blue bush. Steve and Bucky stood there holding hands while their gaze went everywhere to look for any sign of trouble. Natasha tested the comms, the incoming signals from the Compound and the number of people who had arrived with her. "I have taken the attendance and we have arrived intact," she narrated robotically into her comms, "though Scott seems to be suffering from travelling sickness." "I'm okay," he shouted from behind the bush with heavy inhales in between his words, "just my bladder. Everything is a-okay. Nothing weird in the pee-pee." Wanda was already making use of her power to scan the entire planet while standing in one spot, her hands glowing in red plasmic waves while the rest of her body floating in a trance. "Have to say, this place almost looks like earth except for those little weird looking rabbits who were watching me behind the bush," Scott commented, coming back to the group. Natasha made eye contact with the one GoPro fitted on Scott's shoulder.

Natasha: *pushing her pigtails off her shoulder* So Shuri and Tony worked out the Pandora Box's algorithm of teleportation in *smiles* forty-eight hours. Bruce helped with the foundation, of course, I just sent him on vacation when Shuri arrived because the big guy was exhausted. *inhales and looks in the direction of her Space Team* As you can see we volunteered to rescue Y/N and Loki- *Tony's voice cracked through the comms* just Y/N. *camera panned in on Natasha's face going back to a stone-cold b*tch* Natasha: *sighs* Pepper deserves a reward for keeping him on earth Tony's voice: I heard that Natasha: *completely ignores Tony* Wanda is looking for them, Steve is here in case we need more brainpower for rescue. Bucks is our muscle and I am here in case any of them have second thoughts about killing anything that tries to hurt my family. And we are all worried that Scott might die on this trip. *camera zooms in on her* We don't even know what he contributes to this group. *camera slowly turns to record Scott, standing there tongue-tied, right from his shoulder* Scott: *in a low, disappointed tone* I am standing right here.

The camera- or cameras that were embedded in the dangerously fitting space suits- panned in on Wanda's eyes opening with a red glow. "I found them," she announced on a wavelength of confusion. "What's wrong?" Steve asked the question rising in everyone's mind. "Remember the woman who tried to kill Loki and Y/N?" "Aellae," Scott replied in the most derogatory way while making a face. Wanda blinked and tilted her head a bit. "She's alive."

On the Other Side of the alien Planet Coming into focus, a rusty looking fabric came into view, the loose cross stitch giving way to the light of the nearest star to pour in while the fabric flapped in the cool breeze. Panning out from the fabric, the view was shifted to you sitting up from what looking like one really good nap- thanks to that glow on your face and no gravity known by your hair that was everywhere. You wore a brown cotton dress without sleeves- exposing the black thread tied on your right bicep. A bit of air was knocked out from your lungs when Lulu bounced on you to hug and lick you to his satisfaction. The little tent was filled with your giggled and weak persuasion to get him off you. A gust of the cold breeze entered with the figure that came in with the tent. "Grandmamma!" you exclaimed, getting up to go hug Se'tiri, who patted your back. The camera settled down in front of the two of you as you sat down where you had been sleeping. "What are you doing here?" you asked Se'tiri, all smiles till you were hit with a sudden realisation. "Wait-" "You had fallen sick in Jotunheim," Se'tiri explained that sudden rush of questions inside your mind, "so Loki brought you back to me." "Is Loki okay?" was the first question that popped out of you. "You think anything can happen to that mannerless boy?!" she almost cursed him, tapping her cane on the floor. "He left Jotunh-" "Aye," Se'tiri waved your worries away with her hand, "do not worry about useless things. He is mannerless but he thinks ten steps ahead. You worry about yourself. Look at you, huh? You've lost so much weight. Does that boy not feed you? All that beautiful fat has vanished from your body." You were nearly on the edge of tears, hugging Se'tiri with all your might. "I love you, Se'tiri. And I can feed myself. What's that got to do with that 'boy'. It's not like he is going to cry if I lose a couple of pounds. Speaking of which, he isn't even here. Where is he?"

In the Middle of the Desert "I warned you not to follow me." Javier's camera was already panning on Loki's black-clad figure from his right side. The drone flying over them recorded Javier's resolute facial expressions. "I can't let you go to war alone." Loki snickered, barely able to contain his laughter. The drone moved away from them to record an eerie-looking shadow standing on the top of the opposite dune; a shadow with tentacles breaking out in every direction around the figure. Upon focusing, it turned out the figure was Aellae, looking at the figure of Loki laughing on his knees now. Her pale skin was cracked and her lips were dry and chapped. Those eyes were dark and clearly full of unsatisfied rage for the God slithering in the sand on some joke she did not understand. One moment she was standing here, her gaze suddenly locked with the drone; the other moment, she was seen at the foot of the dune before presenting herself right in front of Loki. Loki- all done with the laughter that Javier was clearly not pleased with- cleared his throat, wiped away the tears from the edge of his eyes and stood up to face a very horrid looking Aellae. "'Sup," the God greeting, barely trying to hold his laughter inside him. "You sold me out to those punishers!!!" she stressed the 'P' to nearly spit in his face. "You need to have some value for me to buy you before selling you out, Aellae," he soothingly stressed to the witch. Aellae was already baring her teeth at Loki, her shadow tentacles growing bigger with every passing second. "I guess riling your own kind against you paid me. I don't see your frail human anywhere." Her giggles of content were stopped by a voice from behind her. "Oi!!!" Loki, Aellae and Javier turned in the direction of this extremely familiar yet surprisingly thunderous 'oi'. The cameras panned in on the figure appearing on the other dune, riding a beast- hairy, husky, well built, no eyes, just a mouth with evident fangs and a roar that could be heard for miles- that almost looked like... "Lulu!" Loki shouted, "I told you not to bring her here you slow-witted pile of husk!!" "Oi oi Loki!!" you shouted back with a tsk. "Do not talk to my baby like that!" Lulu roared in agreement. "And you-" you turned towards Aellae- "no one gets to hurt my boys... except for my family! Families are weird." Aellae snarled at you. "Oh, but I will hurt them. But first I will hurt you." Both you and Aellae wore stern faces, neither of you backing down. Loki on the other hand was rolling his eyes and pressing his forehead with his fingers. "Why can this woman not give me a single day of peace?" Javier looked at Loki with a raised brow, about to say something when Loki raised his index at him. "No. Do not." Giving Lulu a pat, you were already mounting off the dune on his back. Aellae too was rushed towards you in horrific teleportation jumps till she came to a halt in the middle. Once, twice, thrice- the witch tried to move but she seemed to have been trapped right there. You came to a halt a few feet away from her, confused as to what just happened. Aellae was really not able to move. "What's wrong?" you seemed confused. Aellae turned to look up at Loki with all the world's animosity in her eyes. Loki, with his hands behind his back- that the drone recorded glowing- looked down at her with a smirk. "Not so fast," he whispered. Looking down at her feet, she noticed the familiar green and golden glow. With a scoff coming out of her lungs, Aellae gathered her shadows in her palms and directed it in your direction with great force. The shadows swirled around her fingers, found a target in you and rushed in your direction at a speed you were not able to comprehend soon enough. But the drone recording this fight could see them stop right before they came within two feet of you, freezing mid-air like icicles made of dazzling black liquid. "Not on my watch," a whisper stronger than the hot breeze in the desert came from behind you. All eyes watched as Wanda emerged from behind the sand dunes, floating over to come by your side. Her palms glowed with her ethereal magic but her poise made it seem like this took no effort at all. Your eyes widened on seeing Wanda right next to you. Inhaling all the alien air in your lungs, you opened your arms, right in time for Wanda to twist her fingers and raise her brow and smirk. "WANDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" you shrieked. And your shrieks were being directed by the Scarlet witch towards Aellae with no delay, making her lose her footing in no time. Lulu was helping you slide down his back right into Wanda's arms. No one could figure out when your shrieks had turned into wails muffled in Wanda's arms. "It's so good to see you," you bawled in her chest, making your witch laugh. "Aw! I missed you too! Though I have been watching you every day." Both of you were embracing each other in the highest hug possible while moving side to side in a slow down. And all this while, Aellae was throwing her attacks at you, which barely made through Wanda's shield. From where Loki watched this unfold, the futile efforts of the bad witch were just clad in some dark humour. "Everything about this makes me cringe," he groaned. "Stop it Aellae," he shouted in her direction, "you are just embarrassing yourself." Aellae wanted to go all dark, her eyes, her features, all covered in the shadows she carried, evidently preparing for a big bang. And just before she could release it, Green and golden chain made of pure magic were wringing her waist, pulling her away from the two women. They yanked her towards Loki, on the top of the dune where the God stood stoic as ever, his one hand behind his back while the other casually carried out what needed to be done. She was roaring in his face, wanting to burst open from those chains, but Loki was already fetching shackles from his pocket dimension to bind her in their magic. "The boys will take care of you," he announced without putting much effort in his words, seeming quite bored. "Man, I love the boys," another familiar voice came from his side. Javier turned his camera to record Scott sitting on the sand playing with the rocks while looking up and smiling at Loki. "They remind me of someone. Like a boy band, I think." Behind him stood Steve and Bucky, both shielding their eyes from the starlight with shades. Natasha was sitting next to Scott, surprisingly entertaining herself with Scott's pebbles game. "Why did we tag along, again?" Bucky asked his boyfriend. Steve puckered his lips, opening his mouth to say something. "Well, the cameras need the sexy while Wanda and Loki take care of things," Scott mentioned as he swimmingly put on his own shades for Javier's camera. Bucky and Steve seemed satisfied with that explanation before a good amount of blushing.

"Are you sure this is going to work?" Javier and his drones pointed themselves in your direction. "They better work." Javier seemed pretty serious. "Shuri will be firing the mechanism in exactly-" Natasha looked at the countdown on her watch- "two minutes and thirty-seven seconds. So, everyone, take positions." "Wait," you begged loudly out of the blue, turning towards someone outside the frame. "I'm sorry I have to leave you, my precious baby," you croaked. Your giant floof came forward to smell you before licking your face. He chirped out loud, rubbing his head with yours. "I love you too," you announced at the edge of breaking into tears, hugging him as gently as possible. Loki blinked a few times before looking away from you. Clearing his throat, he came to stand next to you, taking his sweet time to raise his hand and pet him right where he loved it. "Don't let that witch out," he commanded softly to his pile of husk, to which Lulu replied with a loud burp that carried the cries of Aellae from the oblivion inside him. That earned him more soft pats from the God. "Will you be okay alone?" you had to ask, even though you knew that would just bring up more emotions in your throat. "Of course, he will," Loki acknowledged, pointing you in the direction of the nearest dune. There on the top stood six floofs, both big and small just like Lulu. One of them, the biggest of them all, roared with a pulsating sound. Lulu replied with a roar of his own, giving you one last tug before walking towards his pack.

"So, your powers are back," Steve commented, his thumbs resting in his belt loops as he waited for the clock to take them back home. At the same time, Scott was asking you the most awaited question. "Hey, Y/N, what happened at Jotunheim? After you were taken hostage?" Just as your inhaled a lungful and furrowed your brows at the question, Loki was smirking at the captain, moving a step closer to you to wrap his arm around your waist. Call it a reflex or a reaction built on experience but as soon as his arm was wrapping itself around your waist, your arms were grabbing onto his shoulders with your life force within one-tenth of a second "Let's test it out," the God pondered with no drop of doubt on his face, before disappearing with you. An awkward silence loomed after the golden swoop, leaving the Cap a little bit tongue-tied. "You just had to ask," Bucky rolled his eyes but the camera was zooming in on this one mischievous smirk on Natasha's lips as she took her position in the centre and pointed to the block Javier was supposed to stand on. "I am still curious-" Scott raised his hand in the air as he took his position- "in case anyone is curious."

The Lounge The continuous smacking of the LED screen was heard out of the frame while a very flushed MJ sat on the sofa, never blinking for a minute straight. The camera turned to find Peter still smacking the LED and its router while his little bulging bicep was peeking out from his half-sleeved white t-shirt. "Anything yet?" The soda that had barely reached the eighteen-year old's lips spilt a little as she found herself back in reality. "Huh? Wha-oh! No. Nothing." The flushing embarrassment must have increased tenfold on seeing the camera focused on her for she tried to shift in her seat, trying to face away from the camera. Peter stopped the smacking abruptly to let out a groan. "Come on you dumb machine! Work! We need to find out where my friends are!!!!" The 'machine' started to vibrate; the intensity increasing by the second. "Oh my God, I'm so sorry I didn't mean to offend you," Peter was blurting out in one breath. "Peter! What did you do?!" MJ was pulling the boy away from the screen before an intense pressure of air blew them over to the sofa- Peter landing over MJ. In the very next second, you and Loki stood in the middle of the lounge, his arms still wrapped around you. Your eyes closed, your head pressed to his chest, hands clutching the fabric of his long coat as hard as possible, your existence just wanting to stay in this shell even when the people around you started to move. Peter was breathless at the sight. Pointing at you and Loki, no words coming out of his mouth, just that his eyes were getting moist by the second. "Y/N-" Loki's voice was smooth as his hand tried to move your undone hair from your face- "we're home." You made the effort to open your eyes and take a small step away from his chest, but the vertigo of space travel was still playing with your brain, making you lose your balance. Not fast enough for Loki to not catch you in his arms and bring you back to his chest. "Breathe," he ordered in his scruff yet gentle voice. And you obeyed. The camera was frozen on those pale hands holding you tightly to his chest, and that one tick of tension in the brows of the God that seemed to dissolve into a resting cold face as soon as it appeared on the surface. Once your breathing was steady, you tested your balance. "Good now?" You nodded and Loki let you go. The frame captured you slowly parting from him, your gaze stuck on his, relief on both faces, and Peter appearing in the middle with tears streaming down his face, his arms ready to take you both. "I'b soooo habby you're okayyyy," he bawled through his tears and hiccups. MJ pulled him away by his shirt. "Yes, yes, you're really happy now let them breathe first," the sweet girl ordered him in a monotonous tone. You broke into a smile at Peter's overflow of concern and Loki mirrored you all the same. A ruckus could be heard from the lab, specifically Tony asking for you. After two seconds of silence, he was bursting into the lounge breathless to find you standing there, in flesh and blood. Within the breath that you used to wave at him and say, "Hey Mr Sta-ow!" he was already hugging you with the intensity of a thousand suns. "Tony, you need to let her go before she chokes due to lack of air," Pepper pointed out as she stood next in line to hug you. "Are you okay? Does it hurt anywhere? The last feed we got was-" "Yes, Loki saved me," you assured your father, cutting him mid-sentence. "You shouldn't be expecting anything less from him by now. Right, dad?" That's it. That word did it for Tony. All the waterworks that he had been saving suddenly started to pour out while he took Loki's support as a shoulder to hide his outburst. The God softly patted the man on his back with gentle but quite awkward 'there, there's.

Two Hours Later "I'm sorry, I swear this is the last test." Bruce was adjusting his glasses on his sweaty nose, trying his best to stay composed under the stress those two dads standing behind him were giving him. Clint was even holding his resting bitch face in place. "It's okay, Mr Banner. Please take your time, as I told you the last five times." You were surprisingly calm. "Are you sure you don't feel anything weird?" Tony had to make sure.

Bruce: *sighs* Seven

"Yes," you were resisting the urge to scold him by biting your lips and closing your eyes as you lay on the table with all the scanners surrounding you, "I am fine. How about you go take a look at Javier and Loki?" "They got over with the tests half an hour ago," Clint mentioned, taking a sip of coffee from his takeaway cup. "So, there are no foreign sensations in your body?" Tony furrowed his brows as if they would have helped you answer his question. You shared a tired look with the camera.

Bruce: *groans* Eight.

"It wouldn't hurt you to trust me, Tony," Bruce finally blurted it out, picking up the syringe to draw a blood sample from you. "Oh, I trust you-" Tony nodded with assurance in Bruce's direction while Clint mimicked that nod- "it's the...other alien I don't trust." Clint shook his head. Your palms legit slapped the slab you were lying on, taking the men by a little surprise, as you got up to face them. "That alien is the reason I am here." The camera panned in on that nasty glare you were giving those two while Bruce stepped back with his needle, trying to look at anything but you. "He is also the reason you froze to death in Jotunheim." Tony was quite assertive with his voice. "Well, I am not dead, am I?" Your voice rose a tempo higher. Clint raised a brow and took small steps to join Bruce on the side. "And if you saw me in Jotunheim, I am pretty sure you damn well know that I am the one solely responsible for me dying in that frost prison because I know you know I did that on purpose!!" Tony was already matching the rage wavelength with you. "And that makes it all the more reason for you to stay away from that man." "I WAS DYING BECAUSE I WANTED TO COME HOME!!" Your outburst came with the waterworks. Your voice shook but that did not stop you from taking the floor and standing in front of your father. "AND I KNEW LOKI WAS THE ONLY CHOICE!!" "You had Carol," Tony was gritting his teeth. "She has a family to look after too, Mr Stark. And last I remember she was the one who trusted me to stay with Loki till she came back because she knew who was trustworthy. And why are we even having this discussion? That GOD literally fought his own kind for getting me and Javier home safe. What more do you want to take from him to finally see that he can be trusted? What are you afraid of? That he will trick you and take over the world? That he is planning some universal scale annihilation? Well, good for him. At least when he is not thinking of world domination he is busy saving your dumbass destructive DAUGHTER EVEN WHEN HE DOES NOT HAVE TO!!!!" The loud sobs did not stop. But Tony definitely did, watching his anger crumble as he embraced you in his arms and lightly patted your head to make you feel better. "I'm sorry," he finally confessed, "I almost felt like dying when I saw you freezing on the screen. I was angry at myself for not being able to save you." "Then why are you blaming him?" you asked in between your sobs, pointing in a general direction away from here. "Because he was close to you and I wasn't. I am so sorry, my baby. I just wanted to give you a normal life. I just wanted you to have normal friends, normal college life, normal stuff like boyfriends who I could threaten when they came to take you out for a date. I never wanted you to just disappear into space out of nowhere." The camera turned towards a very wide-eyed Clint just staring into oblivion.

Clint: Well, I thought the older one with daddy issues would handle it well. But *chuckles* she really is his daughter. *takes a sip of his coffee* *feels the taste on his tongue* *makes a bitter face with his tongue out* Ugh! Why is this thing been tasting so bad for these past few weeks?!

A Few Minutes Later Scott, Peter and Pepper being the most avid listeners of the night, showered Loki with questions about all they witnessed on the recordings. Both boys were wearing rabbit beanies and pink pyjamas to compliment Pepper's fuzzy blue ones. Loki- to the shock and awe of everyone who witnessed this- was unexpectedly patient, answering all their queries. "And they bought it, just like that," Pepper stated with a null expression with curious eyes. Loki shrugged, shifting his arm pillow to Pepper's side. "Their kind takes the female superiority pretty seriously. They practically pray to them. So, it wasn't that hard once Y/N told them she was my wife." Peter and Scott- with their head resting in their palms- let out a stretched 'wow' with dreamy eyes. "They surely are one of a kind." Pepper tilted her head, "Is there some sort of encyclopedia where I can learn about all these creatures? I have been craving new knowledge recently. And Tony keeps all the Discovery channel on child lock so that is not helping. At all." Scott waved a hand at Loki. "And what about the time at the bar? Those beings with long antlers. What are they called?" The camera swivelled to you standing at the entrance of the lounge smiling a glowing smile at the scene unfolding in front of you. You too were on your brown pyjamas, finally looking like a kid amongst all these super adult. Once the camera caught your attention, you nodded at it and walked towards the recording room. "Come on, let's get to it before I fall asleep for seventy-two hours."

You enter the room with a yawn and a stretch, sitting down on the chair and scratching your exposed legs in those fuzzy shorts. Once the signal is given, you look at the camera. You: *sigh* *smile lightly* Well, that was a wild ride. And even saying that is an understatement. All that stuff that we- The door opens and the camera shifts to record Tony apologising before turning to you. "Don't stay up late, okay. You need your sleep," he reminds you in a hush. You nodded and replied with a smile. A pause of three seconds and Tony walks towards you to pat your head and plant a soft kiss in your hair. "Goodnight." "Goodnight," you blow a kiss back at him. Tony walks out with the most precious smile on his face.

You: *inhales* so where were we? Yeah. *laughs* You have seen everything, right? *snickers* and this guy still said he wanted a normal life for me. *laughs some more* This is the normal, father dear. This is how it is! Normal college life? To be honest I am not that disappointed that I missed a couple of assignments. I mean you don't get to say 'I'm sorry I didn't turn in my homework because I was busy being stuck on an alien planet'. *pauses* *presses her lips together to put a stop on the smile* You: Oh! Peter has already used that line. Well, then that makes two of us. And get a boyfriend so he can threaten him? Pfft! What is this some ninety's rom-com high school drama? Someone needs to tell him his daughter hasn't dated in this lifetime. *shakes her head* *stares into oblivion* and with the kind of things, a hundred things, she looks for in one single man guy, she might date in this lifetime... or the next one. *makes a face at her own thoughts* You: *groans* I mean come on! I can't just start dating a guy. You saw how I was when everyone around me was a complete stranger. I barely talked! *looks at the person behind the camera* You: What do I look for in a ma-that's a long list sweety. *shakes head vigorously before giving up* *long sigh* *licks lips* *shrugs* Well, the first thing I want in someone I would consider to be eligible as someone dateable would a person who is my friend.

Recording flips to the small clips of you meeting Loki for the first time, bickering, fighting, laughing together, pranking each other, watching movies together, sharing secrets about the other avengers and reading books together in the library.

A person who *thinks for a moment* gets how important family is to me. And when I say family...well, you know what I mean.

Another clip edit shows the God helping Bucky train in the training room, teaching Natasha about new poisons, blocking all the foreign sounds from the lounge when Pepper was soothing her belly and watching Boys Over Flowers. One time he lifted all the heavy furniture while Tony stress-cleaned the entire place all the while the God read a book. Another time he kept replacing Clint's coffee with a substitute that was good for his heart and tasted better.

I would want to date someone who gives me attention? *tsks* In the sense that they know I am there. I don't know if that makes sense.

Flip to the clips showing Loki moving the side table out of your way- with his magic- when you were busy dancing with your headphones on; him cooling down your tea to bring to a drinkable temperature; him threatening Sam so he doesn't eat your period chocolates; his concerned eyes stuck on you when you were stressed out about your exams at two in the morning in the library before he got you something to drink and offered to go in your place instead; he and Peter playing darts with David's face pasted on the dartboard; him taking the fairy lights from you to place them near the roof where you could not reach, in your room.

Someone who is funny.

The flip is to all the clips where you are either snickering, giggling or cackling with laughter, choking on your drink after Loki said something sarcastic with a straight face.

Someone who respects my space and my decisions

The recording shows Loki smiling while looking at you lecturing the men in the house about mansplaining and how it was an inherent thing for some; the God helping you make sandwiches for the Avenger's donation drive to Stark orphanage; Loki being the first to ask 'want me to help you pack' when you announced to the family you were going to visit a haunted house with your college friends; Loki putting a repel spell on your door when you wanted to be alone; him just sitting in his room by the window reading while you took his entire bed to make zentangles, neither of you talking throughout the time together.

Someone who is not afraid of physical touch. I would really want that.

All the falls that Loki saved you from with his arms, chest and entire body, be it in the Avengers facility or out in space; all the hugs he gave you at your low points; all the pats on your back flash one by one on the screen.

Someone who is *shrugs* *smiles a weak smile* happy for my existence? *brows furrow though the smile is stuck on your face* Someone...who I can get comfortable with. I don't have to put up a facade for them.

Edit flashes of all the moments where Loki gravitates to come and sit next to you, be it in the lounge, the library, the lab, the training room, the spaceship, alien planets. Another edit is of all the moments when you gravitate towards Loki, sometimes a mess in your nightclothes, hair unkempt, burping out loud, sometimes farting without any restrictions, other times groaning and letting your head rest on his shoulder. Other times just plane crying ugly in front of him.

*blinks* *furrows brows further* Someone...who I feel safe with?

This time the shift is to the clips where you are drunk and coming home from the club and Loki is supporting your frame to walk you to your room; another clip shows you watching a horror movie in the lounge late at night and you are burrowing your face behind his shoulder while he sits there with discomfort on his face for whatever movie both of you are watching; there is one where you are not feeling evidently anxious in the crowd of aliens and the camera is zooming in on you fingers lightly holding on to the edge of Loki's coat while you both walk through the market; another one is of you smiling as you look at Loki gush over the simulators in the modified spaceship; then there is one where you are smiling once again despite being surround by lethal frost giants and the reason of you smile being the God who is standing beside you and at the same time standing a step ahead of you to act as a shield for anyone who dares do anything in your direction.

You are evidently surrounded by clouds of confusion and doubt hiding an impending realisation somewhere inside them. Your lips are parted but no sound comes out. Just when you feel like you have it, confusion grows darker on your features. The door clicks open and Loki's face pops in to find you in the room. The surprise on your face does not go unnoticed by either him or the camera. "You do realise you teleported here in terms of light-years," Loki comments. "Huh?" is all you can manage. "Go get some sleep before Clint comes to kill me in my sleep," he orders before turning towards the camera and finally walking out. A good few seconds pass in deafening silence. Your eyes are still stuck on the door. A few blinks later your eyes go wider. Even the camera knows what has happened for it is panning on the unadulterated shock on your face as your lips finally move to express this newfound theory. "...oh fuck."

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davosmymaster · 4 years

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To the Ends of the Universe

A/N - Hello!!! How’s everyone doing? Just wanted to say thank you to the people who left a comment/liked the post about this one shot. I really hope this fic won’t dissapoint anyone.

Special thanks to @wonders-of-the-multiverse who has been there from the very first second. This fic initially started as both of us just daydreaming about the Master as usual and well, here we are XD. She was also my incredible beta reader.

As some of you know, English is not my first language, so I apologize in advance for any mistake. This is also my first fic on tumblr YAY

I really hope you have a good time reading this!!!

WARNINGS - Blood, mentions of nightmares, it’s pure fluff basically with hints of angst

PAIRINGS - Dhawan!Master x Reader (The Master x Reader)

WORD COUNT - 6,062 words

TO THE ENDS OF THE UNIVERSE

The dimly lit hallways exploded in a bright white light as you rushed to the medbay, the loud thumping of your heart stuck in your ears as you forced your legs to keep the pace for just one more second.

As Opposed to The Doctor’s, The Master’s TARDIS had always looked quite dark and unwelcoming, almost as if it wasn’t pleased with having anyone wandering around inside her. This time, however, a white flickering light guided you through the maze-like corridors to your destination. It was a big change from the dirty tricks she used to play during the first few months of your stay.

The floor under your shoes quaked as the ship took off, the harsh trembling sending your body forwards and your shoulder crashing against one of the metal doors. You rubbed the tender spot for a second, the worry that had overwhelmed you at the sight of blood quickly being replaced by a wave of pure annoyance and agitation.

“You could help me a bit here” you whispered through gritted teeth towards the TARDIS, the pain in your shoulder slowly dissolving into numbness.

A low groan seemed to come from the walls and the energy inside it. The metal disappeared as the door slid open to reveal the grey colour of the medbay.

“O-oh” you gasped “sorry”

Once inside the room and without a thought, your body automatically went for the second drawer in one of the cupboards.

Traveling the stars wasn’t as safe as you would have liked, and both the Master and yourself had gotten hurt more times than either of you remembered. As years and years passed you had surprised yourself in the most appropriate situations, becoming aware of the fact that you could find almost anything in the medbay at this point; even if you couldn’t understand the advanced medical technology a time lord could have gathered all over time and space for god-knows-how-long.

“I’m back!” you announced when the control room appeared in front of your eyes again. The figure of the Master was leaning against the console, eyes too focused on his own empty fists to be considered normal. His hair was more disheveled than usual, the fringe coated with blood as it brushed across the top of his eyes. “Master”

He jumped in place at the sound of your voice, one of his hands instinctively going to his coat’s pocket as a reflex. The wound on the side of his head was still bleeding, although the oozing flow of blood seemed to have lessened considerably since you had last seen him. His skin was much paler than usual and the dark rings under his eyes were looking much worse than that morning. You couldn’t help but think that he looked miserable, even beyond the blood staining his face and clothes.

“Are you alright?” you whispered. You took a step forward cautiously and didn’t look away from his eyes, trying to find all the answers to your questions in those big brown orbs.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

He quickly backed off, putting as much space between the two of you as he could. You watched him wander the room, walking in one direction before changing his mind the next second. You clenched your hands around the medical supplies, the weight of all the things you were carrying reminded you why you had left the room in the first place.

“Have a seat somewhere” you demanded, although it sounded angrier than you had intended, almost like a bark. “You’re still bleeding”

“YOU DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!”

Your heart hammered in your chest as a response. The silence fell between the two of you, the atmosphere suddenly running out of air. He looked like a madman right there in front of your incredulous eyes, bleeding and pointing at you like he pointed at his enemies after stating a threat. He had never glared at you with angry eyes before.

The Master had been acting odd for some time now. It all started with a change in his plans. One day, for no apparent reason, he took you on a trip to one of the most beautiful planets in the universe. The blue dunes of sand under an orange bright sun permanently eclipsed by one of its forty-three satellites. It seemed to be the perfect place to have some rest, at least it was until some of the natives recognized the Master and threatened to kill both of you.

Surely ‘the most beautiful’ didn’t imply ‘the safest’, as the few civilizations that lived there had been at war for more than a millennia. The only thing all those aliens had in common was, somehow, the desire for the Master’s dead body. When the TARDIS set off again, as far away from the planet as she could, you realized he had done the first good action in a long time: he had left behind two civilizations unified for a cause greater than themselves, to get rid of him once and for all.

Most of the time you couldn’t choose where to go, he always traveled whenever and wherever he needed in order to gather weapons or artifacts. Other times it was merely to have some fun, and on some rare occasions you would manipulate him to use his bloodthirstiness to do some justice.

Those trips weren’t as usual now, or maybe he just had stopped telling you the truth about his intentions. Burning planets, dangerous ships and poisonous waters became beautiful trips to sightseeing constellations and the most delicious dinners served next to the colorful Medusa Cascade. No matter how beautiful or safe the place seemed to be, there was always someone or something interrupting the dates you were trying to enjoy with the Master. Not that he would call them dates, anyway.

You used to read him like an open book. When he said “you’ll slow me down” in reality he meant “this is gonna turn nasty and I want you as far away from here as possible”. When he said he wanted to be alone, that was probably the last thing he wanted. And most of all you were almost a hundred percent sure that the strange words he whispered into your hair when he thought you were asleep meant “I love you” in Gallifreyan.

But you still hadn’t managed to persuade the TARDIS to get you a Gallifreyan dictionary with the words’ pronunciation. It was definitely a work in progress though, or it had been until you realized that the Master and yourself had been slowly growing apart for the last few months.

“(Y/N)” he said, his voice almost as low as a whisper “I- I shouldn’t have-”

“You’re right, you shouldn’t have” you responded firmly. There were a lot of things you were willing to forgive him for, but yelling and mistreating you wasn’t one of them.

He groaned in pain then, drenching his fingertips in the blood clot in his temple. Your own heart shivered in your chest at the sight, concern quickly burning your insides as a white hot fire ran through your veins.

“Don’t touch it!”

You quickly walked the space keeping you apart and gave him a gentle smack to his wrist. He avoided your eyes, fixing them instead on the rolls of unopened gauze, alcohol, towels, and those strange alien band-aids that accelerated the healing process up to five times faster.

In a flurry of movement the Master moved, his hands quick to try and snatch them from you. But you had known him for a long time and knew exactly what he was like.

“I can do it myself, I’m not a child”

“I know you can-” you replied softly, your mind trying to convince itself that he was acting weirder than usual because you had underestimated the damage caused by the blow he had suffered to the head. “-but I’m not as sure about the rest of the sentence.”

He raised one eyebrow in response and you watched him try not to grimace in pain again.

“Here” he pulled away from you and walked to the front door of the TARDIS, opening it with ease. The old wood-like doors pulled back to reveal a black nothingness filled with thousands of distant flickering stars “I need some air.”

The Master took a seat at the border. His back rested against the doors, one of his legs dangling out into space, the other bent beneath him on the floor.

“You’ve definitely taken quite a hit.” you laughed, “There’s no air in outer space!”

He smirked with closed eyes, calmly breathing in and out through the nose. “Don’t tell a Time Lord what can and cannot be in outer space. Now get to work, if you’re not going to let me do it myself.”

You took a seat in front of him in the small space between his figure and the open door, one of your legs also dangling out into space. Leaning in, you pressed the gauze soaked in alcohol against the open wound to finally stop the bleeding. The Master clenched his jaw as much as he could, hissing in pain.

“Sorry” you apologized, “Keep the pressure on yourself, I’m gonna clean you up.”

He leered at you, the corner of his lips smirking lasciviously. You rolled your eyes, taking the wet towel in your hands and proceeding to clean the dry blood away from his chin and cheek. You cleaned his short beard the best you could and tried to get rid of the blood clots in his fringe, unsuccessfully to your dismay.

You could feel his eyes piercing yours, his fingers gently sliding across the skin of your shoulder, softly brushing your hair to get it out of the way. You fixed your eyes onto his own only to catch him avoiding your gaze, his attention stuck on staring out at the endless sight of the universe.

The Master kept his eyes fixed in nowhere in particular while you worked on his wound. You slowly opened one of the band-aids and tried to avoid his hair as much as possible, so you could place it on the side of his head; just above the temple. Now you just had to wait a few minutes to remove it. You had used those curious things several times before and although the healing was sped up, the thing never failed to leave some kind of scar. But even with those odds stacked against him, the Master was always lucky enough to never get scarred- likely thanks to his own unique biology.

You let yourself fall limp against the door and tilted your head to whatever the Master was looking for. The sight was beautiful as it had always been, millions of stars were almost swallowed by the black nothingness that separated planets, constellations, solar systems, and asteroids. And even at the incredible sight of all of this, you struggled to find something that could possibly retain the Master’s attention for more than a split second.

“Are you alright? You’ve seemed a little distant lately” you asked again.

Fixing your eyes on his features you searched for any sign of discomfort, either physical or emotional. At the lack of response your gaze started to wander, his hand catching your attention as he played with something inside of his coat pocket.

He was likely twisting and curling the TCE between his fingers. It was a trait you had noticed during your time travelling with him, his fingers fidgeting without fail whenever he was deep in thought. It happened every time, he would either tap four beats on any surface he could find or get something to entertain his restless fingers with, most of the time the ‘thing’ being his TCE.

The memories from the day filled your head then. He had looked distant the whole time, from the very first second he landed the TARDIS in one of the three planets that formed the solar system of one of the seventeen suns in Kasterborous. It was the closest you had ever been to Gallifrey and, still, it was far enough to not be able to admire the beautiful planet that had watched the Doctor and the Master grow into adults for centuries.

“I’m just planning my next scheme to trap the Doctor”

You nodded, although you didn’t believe a thing of what he said.

The words of what you had been thinking for endless nights poured from your lips before your mind could make up an excuse for his strange behavior, like all the other times. No one could blame you, after all you were just trying to protect your heart and mind from shattering.

“Is it me?” you asked finally, your voice betraying you and showing more emotion than what you had intended.

The Master suddenly turned his curious gaze to you. So he was paying attention then…

“Don’t you think I haven’t spotted how distant you’ve been lately” you added, although lately didn’t seem to be the right word. Obviously you had realized how much time he spent alone in the library and how his visits to the room you both shared were becoming less and less frequent. He always claimed he didn’t need to sleep as much, but you had been apart for enough time for you to notice that it was just a cheap excuse to not be there.

“Do you not want me to be here anymore?”

He frowned at your words.

“W-wha-”

“Are you still happy?” you asked with a hoarse voice, feeling the familiar weight of tears building up in your eyes at the low wheezing sound of the silence. You clenched your jaw and tried to swallow the tears. “Don’t lie to me.”

He just stared at you in silence for a second, mouthing like a fish out of water, until he finally blinked and tried to make a sound.

“I-is not-”

“Just-” you cut him off, feeling again like a lie was about to spill from his lips. “-you seem sad, distant, you’re not happy and you’re lying to me.”

“No-NO!” You snapped when he tried to talk again, “Don’t try to deny it, I can tell. I know you”

“So…” Anxiously you took a shallow shaky breath “It has something to do with me, doesn’t it?”

He pressed his lips together for a second but soon relaxed again. Changing his expression, the shimmer in his eyes shifted as he smirked slightly, the dark circles under his eyes failing to achieve the frightening look he was striving for. Maybe it would have worked with anyone else, but not with you.

“You humans are so vain, always thinking the universe spins around you.”

“I’m being serious, Koschei”

He took a breathless gasp, almost as if he had been hit. The name of a time lord was one of the biggest, best-kept secrets in the universe. Only a handful of people had known (or would ever know) the real name of the Doctor, and due to the Master’s lack of sympathy and his trouble to connect with people to an emotional level, even less had known or ever would know his.

‘How many?’ you had asked when he confessed his real name one night, his forehead pressing against your sweaty collarbone.

‘Only you’ he had whispered, right before kissing your shoulder “and some Time Lords at the Academy, but they are not important.” you heard him take a deep breath, his nose pressed against your throat “All dead now.”

Those times seemed out of reach. You even asked yourself if he regretted telling you.

“Not you.” he whispered defeatedly, his head falling to his lap “It could never be you.”

“What is it then?”

He shifted his whole body to face you, squirming in his place and unable to keep still. He removed his hand from his pocket, clasping your own tightly.

“It’s me.” he whispered in a choked breath and looked at your eyes “It’s so selfish of me to want you forever even though I know I don’t deserve you.”

“Don’t say that!” you replied, struggling to believe the honesty in his voice and eyes. “You’re not serious. You can’t think like that after everything we’ve been through!”

He focused again on your hands firmly entwined.

“I believe it because… you’re so good” he looked away briefly towards the stars, before turning his gaze back to you again. “And people like me don’t get good people by their side or moments like this.”

The Master stroked your palms with his thumbs, suddenly finding them more interesting than his own thoughts. After a few moments he gave a shaky sigh, backing off once more.

“And if the past few attempts haven’t been proof of that, then I don’t know what could it be.”

“Proof?” you questioned, “Proof of what? And what do you mean by the past few attempts?”

He froze in place, and you frowned at his sudden stiffness. His shoulders tensed and body solid as he sighed deeply, his eyes fluttering closed as he tried and failed to relax his posture. The Master grumbled to himself in defeat, his hand dipping back into his pocket and playing with the TCE or whatever he had found to fiddle with once more.

“I-it’s nothing. Just rambling.” he shrugged in an attempt to consolidate his own thoughts, but not even you believed his body language. “You do it a lot, ramble I mean, ugh, it’s your fault. I’m getting your bad ha-”

“Does it have something to do with the last few stops?” you insisted, although you knew from personal experience that pressuring the Master to talk more than he wanted was never a good idea “All those… extravagant places, the two dates at the Medusa Cascade…”

“Dates?”

You would have laughed at his disgusted look if the atmosphere wasn’t so tense between the both of you. So you just gave him a crooked smile.

“Yes, Master. That’s what it’s called when a person takes another person for dinner to talk and have a good time, especially when the place is that fancy. I loved it even though...”

He watched silently as you told him about the whole date and everything that happened afterwards, despite him being there by your side. Although the dinner had started off with good intentions, it had quickly slipped into a tone of awkwardness through no fault of his own. So much so that the chasing and ‘running for your lives’ had been very much welcomed, although he didn’t notice it. He even apologized once you got into the TARDIS. It was fair to say that he was beyond annoyed the first time.

A month later, when the second date was just another failed attempt in another restaurant in the Medusa Cascade, he had been furious. That was one of the reasons why the console room (or the living room of the house the TARDIS was disguised as) was even messier than usual. He had broken some chairs and cups before following your steps as you had stormed out to the library.

The Master realized as he watched you talk that there would be no such thing as a perfect time. He silently admired the star light reflecting in your eyes and highlighting your features, oblivious to everything else. He couldn’t believe the fact that fate had found a way for both your souls to meet and connect. It didn’t matter in the end how much he had tried to distance himself from any other form of life in the universe, because at the end of the day you had always been there, always. He didn’t believe in fate, but when he looked back at the few possibilities there was for him to meet a person that he truly cared about, it was hard not to succumb at the idea of a force greater than himself pulling the strings to figure everything out.

Even if he dared to think for a split second about not seeing you again, he wouldn’t be able to keep his pieces together. The Master wanted to do the right thing for once, and if fate surprisingly existed, he was certain it absolutely despised him. Countless times he had tried to have a full minute in silence with you, just enjoying each other’s company with a beautiful view, and the same amount of times his plans had been ruined by someone or something trying to either kill him, obtain revenge or obtain revenge via killing him. Until that precise moment he had never had regrets about all the people he had annoyed.

He wondered what he could do now. Kasterborous was the last place on the list, and he was beyond exhausted from trying. On the other hand, he couldn’t give up on you. His best dreams were always about you, but so were his worst nightmares. And whenever and wherever he was he could always be sure about two things: his love for you and his conviction that as long as your heart was beating, so would his.

How had he expected to make it perfect when your lives had always been so messy? After all, that was the whole basis of your lives: chaos, adventure, nothing ever occurring according to plan. And still, everything seemed to always find a way to fall into place. Not even the tardis had felt like a home before you, but now home seemed to be in his hands whenever he held yours, and he would be so lost if your hand ever left his.

A sudden current of hope swallowed him whole.

“Travel the universe with me.” He whispered, loud enough for you to hear.

You couldn’t help but chuckle at his pleading. However, your laugh died with ease when you turned around to find a pair of saddened eyes.

You leaned in and stroked his beard in your palm, using a few seconds to admire his lips and features. Sighing, you repositioned yourself with both of your hands in his lap, your eyes staring intensely at his own as you held his attention on yourself.

“I already travel with you, idiot.” You gave his hands a gentle squeeze, “What’s wrong?”

The Master took three shallow breaths, his sight lost somewhere in your hands above the fabric of his trousers. You moved away from him again, gazing worriedly to how distant he seemed to be from his own flesh. It was at that moment that his hand emerged from the concealment of his thick purple coat pocket, his fist trembling and knuckles a stark white colour.

An idea quickly surged in your brain, and you fought to swallow the dry lump in your throat at the fear of something serious happening to him.

However, that fear quickly vanished when his fist relaxed and his fingers slowly curled open; revealing what was inside for the light of day to see.

For a split second you thought he wasn’t holding anything, but then your mind acknowledged the shape of a ring sitting proudly in front of your incredulous eyes. The ring was so tiny in his large hand that you couldn’t properly see it until his fist was completely open and flat, it seemed almost a crime to keep something so beautiful concealed in the shadows.

The ring was silver, encrusted with white circular gemstones that you didn’t even bother to try and name as without a doubt they weren’t from Earth. The central gem shined a dim light almost invisible until he lent his hand to the side. For a second you could have sworn you had seen a fine black line inside of it, the thought quickly dismissed as a trick of the light as your eyes filled with unstoppable tears once again.

The only thing that could make you look away from the small piece of jewelry was a gentle squeeze to your shoulder, that and the fact that the Master had quickly stowed the ring away in his coat pocket once more. Your trembling body kept your eyes locked on the empty space it had once inhabited regardless, that was until you heard his panicked voice breaking through the loud thumping of your heart in your ears.

The Master had positioned both his hands against your cheeks which were now wet with your tears, his thumb tracing the contour of your cheek and drawing you away from your reverie. Only then did you dare to look at him again.

“I-I’m sorry. I-” he took shallow breaths, blinking away the tears forming in his eyes at light speed. “I’m so sorry. Don’t cry, please. Don’t cry.”

“W-” you tried to ask, but the words in your mouth didn’t seem to appear fast enough in your mind “W-what’s that?”

He leaned in and pressed his forehead to your own, still wiping away the tears that littered your cheeks with his thumbs. Even from that angle you could discern how one tear slipped away from his right eye, licking gently at the hot skin behind only to die in the corner of his lips.

“Nothing.” He stated with a shuddered exhale, suddenly cutting himself off by chewing his lip “It’s nothing!”

“It’s a ring!” You cried in return.

From all the things you expected from the Master, marriage was very low on the list. He despised most planets and sassily commented about any tradition and culture that wasn’t his own. You had never even bothered to think about marriage, especially after knowing that weddings on Gallifrey were mostly arranged, a mere game to obtain political power and status amongst the community. In Gallifrey weddings weren’t enjoyed and at the end of the day, they didn’t mean anything either; it was just a convenient tool for both parties.

But you weren’t a Time Lord.

You were human.

Just one more human traveling the stars.

During your travels, you had learned that the meaning of marriage was a timeless concept to the future of the human race, no matter how long someone had been away from Earth or how many millenniums had passed since the Solar System had been destroyed to dust. Some things simply stayed the same.

So he knew what marriage meant to the human race, and most importantly, he knew what marriage meant to you, for the both of you.

“No” he tried “No, it’s…”

“Don’t lie to me” you growled, pushing his shoulders back “Don’t you dare lie to me. I’m tired of getting pushed away. You always, always, do that. And it hurts”

You buried your head in your knees, your arms wrapping around yourself tightly as tears silently escaped your eyes without remedy. It happened regardless of how you felt, were you happy? nervous? sad? You didn’t even know at this point. The thing with the Master was that he was always so hard to comprehend, despite all the years of traveling and living together. In the end he was always true to his spontaneous, chaotic natures, never failing to surprise you at the least expected moment.

The Master moved closer, this time pressing his forehead to your shoulder. A second after you felt your own shirt getting damp, your heart tightening in your chest even more, if that was even possible. Knowing that not only was he only trying not to cry in front of you, he was also trying to hide, trying to find somewhere safe to let himself break. It was hard not to think about how much exhaustion and courage it was taking him not to get on his feet and run as far as he could.

He always had struggled to put his emotions into words, and expressing the depth of his feelings for you was still something he wasn’t quite used to. Even though he had never said I love you openly, you also knew he didn’t need to.

The Master was the kind of person whose acts always said more than his words. The way he supported you in everything you wanted to do, the soft whispers to wake you up and his habit of making a single cup of coffee in the morning just for you (mostly because he didn’t like the taste). You had spent an endless amount of nights in his arms when you couldn’t sleep, countless days curled up tightly next to him when sickness took over your body. You didn’t remember what nightmares felt like anymore, you hadn’t had one since the first night he shared with you. Yet still, you preferred them to the terror swallowing your body whole when his own nightmares woke you up in the middle of the night.

“Of course it’s a ring.” he finally admitted, “Im selfish enough to not want you with anyone else or anywhere else. I want you here for as long as we have.”

His confession was sealed with a feather light kiss against the exposed skin of your neck. “I’ve been trying to ask you for a long time, but it never works out. I fear this will have to do”

When you pulled away, he quickly wiped all the tears from his face in a rapid and almost angry manner. But even with his cheeks partially dry, you could still see the redness tinted around the edges of his eyes and the tip of his nose, still spot the remnants of tears clinging to his eyelashes.

You pulled his hands away from his face and cleared away the final tears that slipped across his cheeks. A choked sob tearing from his throat as he tried to take a steadying breath. You could clearly see the conflict he waged with himself, especially so when his hands turned into fists and his jaw clenched so tightly you feared he would break a tooth.

Pressing the tip of your thumb against his lip, you caressed the soft skin you were dying to kiss. Looking deeply into his eyes, you could tell he seemed to be finally paying full attention.

“Look at me.”

“I’m looking at you.”

“No, you’re not.” You exclaimed, “You’re thinking, not looking. Stop torturing yourself in that head of yours and just… look at me and see.”

Frown lines marked his face and you took the chance to get rid of the white band-aid that stuck to his forehead; revealing the pristine healed skin underneath.

“What do you want me to see?” The Master ventured after a moment of silence.

“How much I love you.” You brushed the tip of his nose with yours and slid your hand against the soft hairs in his jaw. “You need to see it, and believe…”

His short chuckle was melody to your ears.

“It's impossible not to see it, love.” He smiled sadly, your skin shivering under his touch as he slid two fingers under the fabric of the shirt’s collar. Lazily he outlined your collarbone, his hands roaming and exploring your skin as though it was an uncharted planet.

You smiled to yourself, knowing it was yet again another sign of his nervous quirks; the constant need to entertain his fingers with something.

“It’s there every time I look at you.” The Master continued, “And unfortunately, I never believe what I see.”

Somehow, you already knew what he was going to say, the words nestled deep within your heart. Closing your eyes, you gently pressed your lips against his own, the moment brief and chaste before backing off almost immediately afterwards.

“I’ll have to make you then.”

Leaning forwards your hand reached outwards, pulling the pocket of his coat round as you brazenly dug down into his pocket. It wasn't hard to find the tiny piece of jewelry, but it was definitely harder to free your wrist from the Master’s grip.

“Please…” he begged with pleading eyes “What are you…?”

Eventually, and without a word, he let your wrist go. You licked your lips, feeling the coldness of the ring nestled against your own palm but too afraid to open your fist to give it a proper look.

Taking a deep breath, you finally encouraged yourself to do what had to be done.

Even before giving the ring a second look, you slowly slid the piece of jewellery on to the place it belonged; where it would always belong. Then with baited breath you drew your gaze carefully across every inch of it, committing every shine, every detail to memory. The circular gem in the middle caught your attention for a lot longer than when you had initially seen it, and you found that the more you fixed your eyes on it, the clearer the thin black lines became inside of the gem.

You could tell it was gallifreyan, the entwined circles were hard to mistake for any other language, the black dots inside the circumferences were almost impossible to see. You struggled to find the meaning, even with the knowledge from the classes that The Master had given you in the past.

He seemed to be holding his breath when your eyes watched his features again. Noticing your eyes on him, he swallowed loudly. His whole figure relaxed. His shoulders falling back against the wood-like door, his constant frown fading and hands falling limp in his lap. With nifty fingers brushed away his fringe in an attempt to remove the hair from his eyes.

He was clearly overwhelmed by the situation and you did understand his reaction, after all he had been trying to propose for a long time.

“What does it mean?”

His grin was the biggest he had ever made, his eyes recovering that special shine you hadn’t seen in months.

“Why do I even bother trying to teach you?”

“Why do I even bother treating your wounds if you make me want to punch you in the face afterwards?”

“Uhm… let’s see…” He jokingly teased. Catching your left hand, he brought it closer to his eyes, his gaze fixated on the ring perched on your finger.

With a steady voice and growing confidence, The Master pronounced a series of sounds that you couldn’t quite comprehend, your mind still flaring with recognition for them as the words he always whispered in your hair during the night.

Before you could protest about not speaking gallifreyan, he promptly translated.

“Hold my hand to the ends of the universe.” He took your hand and gently pressed his lips to the ring and the skin around it.

“This is my promise” he finished with a whisper.

Your breath was caught in your throat. You only remembered you needed to say something when he warily gazed to your own incredulous eyes. You had no idea what he would decipher in your gaze, as your own torrent of emotions were hard to decode even by yourself. But you caught sight of the huge amount of hope installed in his eyes and your heart hammered in your chest at the sight.

“Yes, I do.”

The Master chuckled, your attention catching a glimpse of the happiness exploding in his eyes. It was like watching a supernova explode in before you. He let his head fall to your intertwined hands once again, sliding his fingers to tighten his grip around your own as he held your hand.

“I wanted to propose to you.” he smirked, “Not marry you on the spot. We have time for that.”

You chuckled and he lent in, his lips gracing your cheek as he kissed you once more. With his breath hot against your skin, the Master released a shaky, relieved whisper.

“Thank you, love.”

With a gentle touch, his hands wandered to the small of your back urging you to lay down on top of him. You followed his guidance with little resistance, hands pressed against his chest as you could hear the rapid beating of his hearts despite the numerous layers of clothing he always wore.

Excited at the sound, you shifted your hand directly above his hearts, the gemstones in the ring sparkling and reflecting the flickering light of the stars on your finger.

“I love you.” You whispered as his hands traced circular lines in your back. He made an amused sound and kissed the top of your head.

“I love you too,” He answered without a moment's hesitation.

#dhawan!master x reader #the master x reader #master x reader #doctor who #doctor who imagine #doctor who fanfic #doctor who x reader #sacha dhawan #the master #dhawan!master

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sebastbu · 4 years

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My Top 40 Movies of the Decade

***just my opinion***this list is not set in stone either***

1. 12 Years A Slave (2013)

What Steve McQueen has managed to do with this movie in nothing short of the best thing art is capable of. He takes the horror of humanity and turns it into a heart shattering tale of the best of humanity. A film that could have sunk easily among the brutality it contains, instead soars with Solomon’s survival. It is one of the most life-affirming, uplifting works of art I’ve ever seen. It makes you cry, it makes you shout, it makes you cheer, it makes you breathless. In short, all the things movies are best at. Not just a definitive movie, but a definitive work of art.

2. The Act of Killing (2012)

This has my vote for the best documentary film of all time. What begins as a transfixing profile of the mass murders responsible for the 1965 Indonesian genocide quickly transforms into a Brechtian nightmare as director Joshua Oppenheimer somehow convinces these men to stage scenes for a fake movie reenacting their crimes. As the film progresses you can hardly believe what you’re witnessing. Horrifying, yet you can’t look away. Oppenheimer holds your attention for every second. What’s captured for film here is truly unique, ground-breaking, soul shaking. A statement about the banality of evil as profound as Ardent’s essays.

3. The Tree of Life (2011)

Malick has reached his final form here. An organic art form, pure cinema, visual poetry, whatever you want to call it. Nothing but a movie could be this. The images he crafts here are as close to a religious experience as I’ve ever had watching a movie, and probably ever will. In exploring childhood memories, Malick’s style perfectly matches his subject manner. He use of ellipsis and fluidity mirrors the way memories flash through our heads. It is as if we are witnessing memory directly, unfiltered. This movie will move you in ways you didn’t know a movie could.

4. The Social Network (2010)

That Facebook movie? Hell yeah that facebook movie. What Fincher and Sorkin have managed to do is take what could be a standard biopic, or dull tech movie, and made it into an epic tale of betrayal, greed, friendship, coming of age, and identity. Ross and Reznor’s score pulses, as does the dialogue. This movie starts the instant you press play and it doesn’t let you catch your breath for one second until the very end. Endlessly quotable, perfected acted. A masterclass.

5. The Grand Budapest Hotel (2014)

What can I say about this movie? Every shot is perfect. Every joke, beat, pan, zoom. Well, I guess I’ll say this. This movie disarms with its charm, its facade. But at its heart is a wrenching tale of loss, nostalgia, and the fleeting nature of everything, especially those we love. A jewel of a film. Anderson makes sure you’re cozy and then pulls the rug out from under you, and suddenly you’re crying.

6. The Master (2012)

Career best performances from Joaquin Phoenix and Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Lushly shot. Greenwood delivers another ground breaking score. PTA has made an aimless film about aimless characters that nevertheless is riveting. At the end, you may not know exactly how far you’ve progressed, but you’re sure glad you went on the journey.

7. Drive (2011)

This is not an action movie. It’s a love story. The now famous dream pop soundtrack. Ryan Gosling doing so much with so little. Refn’s breathtaking cinematography. Diluted dreams. Crushed hopes. Silent gazes, filled with more emotion than dialogue could ever render.

8. The Revenant (2015)

An achievement of pure cinematic insanity. I still have no idea how they got some of these shots. A brutal, thrilling story of survival among nature’s cruelty. Inarritu’s camera is like magic in this film, uncovering the previously thought not possible.

9. La La Land (2016)

A reinvention of a genre that somehow manages to have its cake and eat it too: a nostalgia trip that also subverts expectations. Right up there next to Singin’ in the Rain, in my book at least. How on earth was that only Chazelle’s second ever movie?

10. The Lighthouse (2019)

TELL ME YE FOND O ME LOBSTER! WHYD YA SPILL YOUR BEANS? IF I HAD A STEAK ID FUCK IT. That about sums it up.

11. Parasite (2019)

Bong Joon Ho has made a beautifully twisted psychological thriller that is also hilarious, touching, and a lasting commentary on class and social mobility.

12. The Florida Project (2017)

Baker’s approach of setting this story from the viewpoint of children makes it a glorious romp through a world of innocence as well as tragedy, and also makes it all the more emotionally impactful.

13. Inside Llewyn Davis (2013)

It’s all about the cat. Alongside the Coen’s mastery of dialogue and the side character, as well as the beautiful folk music, this film acts as a deeply moving portrayal of depression, and how sometimes we are our own worst enemy.

14. Moonlight (2016)

Expertly crafted. Expertly acted. Expertly shot. A gorgeously rendered coming of age story. I’m not really the person who should speak of its importance. I’ll just say: it is. Very. A movie that will stun you.

15. Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)

Practical! Effects! Yeah, that really is Tom Hardy swinging fifty feet off the ground on a pole as explosions go off behind him. A feminist, post-apocalypse, road trip movie brought to you by the director of Happy Feet and Babe 2. What more could you want?

16. Moonrise Kingdom (2012)

A wonderful celebration of childhood and of fantasy. Anderson crafts a world you want to return to again and again. Anyone else get jump scared when they realized Lucas Hedges was in this???

17. Arrival (2016)

I love Denis Villeneuve’s films for so many reasons. The most important I think is that he balances entertainment and artistic depth so well. Like all great scifi Arrival is not really about aliens, it’s about us.

18. Inception (2010)

A film that runs on all cyclinders. Smart, funny, jaw dropping, just plain fun. Nolan manages to build some surprisingly moving moments as well.

19. Gone Girl (2014)

Ah Fincher and his twists. Rosemund Pike at the top of her game. Ross and Reznor return with another gripping score. Around the narrative, Fincher creates a fascinating portrayal of the media and marriage, one with endless twists and turns. You never quite know where it’s headed.

20. Sicario (2015)

A second thing I love about Dennis Villeneuve: he does point of view characters better than anyone else.

21. Enemy (2014)

A third thing I love about Dennis Villeneuve: he plays with genre and narrative structure unlike anyone else working right now.

22. Incendies (2010)

A fourth thing I love about Denis Villeneuve: he’s given us some of the best female lead characters this decade.

23. Blade Runner 2049 (2017)

A fifth thing I love about Denis Villeneuve: he somehow managed make a Blade Runner sequel work. Here’s hoping for Dune.

24. The Look of Silence (2014)

The companion film of The Act of Killing. Oppenheimer does it again, this time focusing more on the victims of the genocide. Groundbreaking cinema.

25. Shame (2011)

Slow clap for Michael Fassbender. Slow clap for Carey Mulligan. Slow clap for Steven Mcqueen.

26. Hereditary (2018)

Using horror to examine mental illness and family trauma. Aster has made a new classic of genre, taking it to new heights.

27. Under The Skin (2014)

How to make a movie about an alien descended onto earth in order to capture men and engulf them in her weird black room of goo? Make a very alienation movie. Chilling. Otherworldly. Haunting.

28. Son of Saul (2015)

In making any holocaust film there’s always the risk of feeling exploitative. Nemes’s radical camera work, focusing almost entirely on the main character’s face in close up leaves this concern in the dust. The horrors enter only at the corners of the frame, while humanity is firmly centered the whole time. An important film everyone should see.

29. Whiplash (2014)

As visceral and heart pounding as the solos performed, the film as a whole is a perfectly made portrait of a obsession.

30. Amour (2012)

Haneke takes his unforgiving approach and lays bare a topic with incredible emotional depth. The result is deeply moving without ever being sentimental. I’m hard pressed to find another film about old age that is this poignant.

31. Birdman (2014)

A whirlwind of a film. A high wire act. The long takes turn it into something more akin to a play. A pretty damn good one at that.

32. Once Upon A Time In Anatolia (2011)

What’s Chekhov doing in the 21st Century? He’s in Turkey. He name is Nuri Ceylan.

33. The Favourite (2018)

Lanthimos turns down his style and turns up his humor. The result is the best of both worlds: a dark, twisted tale of power and a hilarious parody of monarchy and British costume drama.

34. Phantom Thread (2018)

PTA delivers again. What could easily have been another tired tale of the obsessive artist and the woman behind him is instead a fairy tale-ish ensnaring of two people’s ineffable pull towards each other.

35. A Hidden Life (2019)

Still fresh in my mind. Malick’s late style is given the backbone it needed in the form of a relevant tale of resistance and struggle. A meditative, prayer-like film about the power of belief.

36. Prisoners (2013)

A sixth thing I love about Denis Villeneuve: his movies have layers, but only if you look. Otherwise, the ride is pretty great as well.

37. Manchester By The Sea (2016)

A masterclass in doing less with more.

38. Foxcatcher (2014)

Bennett Miller does biopics unlike anyone else. That is to say, maybe better than anyone else working today.

39. The Witch (2015)

Eggers’s first foray into historical New England horror. A chilling commentary on the evils of puritanism.

40. The Kid With A Bike (2011)

The Dardenne brothers managed to make a gut-wrenching tale of childhood, masculinity, abandonment, the power of empathy, belonging, and redemption in 84 minutes. Here’s a suggestion. Watch this movie. Then watch it again. A better use of the same amount of time it takes to sit through The Irishman. Oh wait, no you still have 30 minutes left over.

#movies #top10 #decade list #movies list #2010s cinema

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semicolonthefifth · 4 years

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CROSS ch.2 - Bad Moon Rising

The night was still strong, and the moon past the mountains helped shine the way.

For 3 hours now Jason Cross had been driving down the Black Road. On the drive since, Sid had been weakly banging against the car for the first hour before stopping on the second - at least that’s what Jason was sure had happened. Throughout the drive, Jason had been listening to the radio. Every now and then he’d switch the channels whenever a song failed to capture his attention. He’d mostly been ignoring Sid’s antics from within the trunk, and had been in the need for something to fill his mind till he reaches his destination.

So many stations littered the airways, from Calberi to Moresatta - all throughout the Black Road passage. Dozens of stations settled along the road, and all of them had the same idea on what to play. Humanity isn’t creative anymore, all they want are the oldies - the kind of stuff that used to play back on the Old Earth. Way back when, before they left for far off stars, only to then realize what a mistake it was; before they had settled on so many worlds, got into as many problems, and wished greatly that they hadn’t forgotten the way back. So, every station plays the oldies - the songs from the far ago generations.

You’d have such stations as: “Classics of the Great Wars”, “Music of the Groovy Times”, “3R’s Real Revolition Radio”, “The Legends of Rock n’ Roll”, and even “Electric Orchestras of the 2nd Millennium”. Most of the stations Jason had blocked out - he’s listened to them all, especially the ones off “Country Listenings” some time back. He’d stop listening to them altogether, maybe find a station making new stuff - if they ever come to existence. Though till then, “60’s Power Radio” still had some things he hadn’t yet listened to as much.

A couple turns of the dial, and he had come into the station just as when a favorite of his came on: “Bad Moon Rising”, by Creedence Clearwater Revival.

The moment the tune picks up, Jason’s stresses from the long drive started to fade away. Though he hated to admit it, the feeling was nice. He began to ease up on his grip of the wheel, and allowed himself a chance to relax when the lyrics came into play - and slowly he sung it to himself.

“I see the Bad Moon Rising…”

“I see trouble on the way…”

“I see earthquakes and lightning”

“I see bad times today.”

His singing became almost automatic - it always felt like that with songs he has in his head longer than he should. He recalls seeing adverts and news clippings, all about what some experts from the cities call the “Nostalgic Disease”. It isn’t like an actual sickness, it was something Jason would refer to as ‘being all in the head’. It affects plenty of folks, especially in the cities. Those affected claw over whatever they can from the Old World, and then get hooked on it. They listen to a song 40, 80 times in a sitting, trying to capture that ‘magic’ off those stories they hear about from the old homeworld. They want more though, and soon enough they try to live it.

Jason recalls a story he heard once: a man became so addicted to the music from some millennia old musician named Elvis Presley that he was convinced he was the guy himself. The man paid millions for surgeries to look the part, using a couple of surviving photographs off a museum. Even went as far as to get an artificial voice box installed so he’d have a voice straight off the radio, crackle and all. Last he heard, the copycat ate himself to death as soon as a gray hair got through the fake ones. The worst part of it all was that it wasn’t the only story of its kind - there’d been many others, many copycats - changing themselves to copy ancient figures, celebrities and even fictional characters alike.

Jason laughs to himself a bit when thinking back, but then realizes that he’s singing the final lyrics to the song. He realizes where he is at the moment, and immediately switches the radio off. It’s good timing at least, as further down the Black Road he could see a set of white buildings off to the side. After a quick shake of his head to wake his senses, he grips the wheel tight and gets ready for the turn off the Road.

The Black Road has always been the greatest landmark in the arid wastes of Aurora, in both size and importance. Ever since the United Republic of Earth colonized and settled down here, the road has been the deciding factor for easier trade and travel between its two cities on what is often a sun-blasted desert. Although the alien natives aren’t subtle about their hatred for the road, every human loves the seemingly endless stretch of pure black pavement that has helped them settle these lands. All the humans love this road, especially those wanting to cause trouble for everyone around them.

With the creation of the road came the bandit and the raider - groups who constantly harass and devastate the various settlements that line the Black Road. For as far as Jason could remember, there have always been raiders murdering and setting fires along the road. There has been an ever-increasing level of violence along the wastes of colonized Aurora, and furthermore an increase of groups who set themselves to fight back - and in response, an act from the UROE had to be made. To ensure that the worst of humanity are to be dealt with, and that the best are sufficiently rewarded, they settled the bounty offices - a way to put a mark on any bandits in the area, and pay off those willing to do the job.

One such office, a mile off the Black Road - stationed the same distance either way between the two major cities at the ends of the Road - was set in the middle of the open plains. It was close to the Eastern mountainous wall that runs parallel to the road, visible in the night through the twinkling lights in the pitch darkness.

It was easy to make out. The buildings of the site was painted a bright white, which appeared clearly against the mountains and dunes. Within the site there was a main two-floor office facing South with another, smaller building nearby. The office appeared boring and simple, with little other features aside from some windows and utilities to keep it functional. The side building meanwhile only possessed a door and a singular window, but no light was shown to be coming from it. Remaining to note was an appropriately sized water silo, a generator, several solar panels, and a discreet radio tower barely peeking from the office roof. All of which were encircled by a vast perimeter of chain-link fencing guarded by a single guard post. A flag of the UROE flew proudly - bluish green in color, with a white emblem of the Earth surrounded by stars and the various flags of the Republic’s states. It stands out, even against the brightness of the office it decorates.

The drive takes a while, but Jason’s car soon rolls up towards the post. He quickly rolls down the windows and presents his license and contract, allowing himself through and towards the main office itself. He stops right in front of it, turning the car off once he’s parked.

Before Jason gets out, he suddenly remembers the gun he had taken from Sid at the bar - and for a moment he takes some time to examine it.

It was a seemingly impressive thing: the custom decoration had a ‘cool’ look to it, as Jason though, and it appeared that the metal trims appeared legit. It all depicted a road waving wildly, with a road-sign reading ‘66’ at the center - etched on both sides, practically mirroring each other. However, as Jason turned it over, he began to notice some issues. It had a pretty face, but nothing more. The grip felt loose- the trigger stuck badly; there were indications of grime and dust that was only cleaned surface deep. The way the gun jostled and clicked when waved, you’d figure the thing would’ve blown the man’s groin much sooner.

He carefully tosses the gun aside, but not before skimping the leftover ammunition and storing it into the glovebox. He can’t use it, as badly as he would’ve needed to. Almost any gun would be better than no gun - yet in this case, he liked to have one that actually worked.

Jason finally leaves out the car, and as he makes way for the office he gives a smack of his hand against the back where Sid’s been kept. “Don’t you let me catching you leaving any time soon.” He snarks aloud, chuckling before whistling a tune.

5 seconds into his whistling he recognizes it as “Bad Moon Rising”.

He stops immediately after.

Eventually he enters through the door, and the moment he does so he can feel a jet of cool air hit him square in the face. He barely stifles a low, soft moan before giving into a bit of shaky laughter. He happily calls out, “Damn Barry! When were you gonna tell me you got that AC fixed!?”

Jason stands right under the open vent, an easy feat considering how high he stands. Cool air blows across the main floor office: a fairly open, presentable area with a half-wall barrier blocking off a series of desks lining the floor. To the sides are doorways leading to other, smaller officers, with only a singular staircase off to the back. The place was for show, for the most part - all but one of the offices were empty with only the standard supplies atop the desks. Only one office, towards the side, had decor that was easily seen from the main entry-way.

From where Jason stood, he could see various knick-knacks, some maps, and one man.

The man exits out, giving Jason a hefty smile and a jolly chuckle.

“Just recently!” He shouts, making his way over

He is a graying, blond-haired man whose as wide as he is tall. His complexion is that of a man barely touched by the Auroran sun, only made slightly pink in color. A gray collared shit wraps around his body, tightly tucked into a set of dark grey pants complete with well-shined black laced shoes. On his chest is a small badge, clipped to his left with a photo of himself and his name - “Garry Barr”.

Immediately he goes to Jason for a handshake, and Jason allows it without an inkling of complaint. Barry then proceeds to push far close into Jason’s space, giving the young man a strong slap to the shoulder fueled by celebratory glee.

“Jason Cross you bastard! Thought for a moment you wouldn’t be back so soon. You got Sid, right? Got him good?”

Cocky, Jason shrugs and gives a comical grin. He looks down at Barr with about half the amusement. “Of course! I told ya I’d get the bounty. The fucker put me through a whole lotta runnin’ across the road and back, but I did get him.”

“And just for that, I’m grateful. Absolutely touched. Just as happy as can be!” Barr lets out another bit of laughter before proceeding to hook Jason over and direct him to his office. He speaks further before Jason could get a word in. “You want a drink? I can get you a drink. We ought to get a drink, a smoke - something!”

Jason chuckles awkwardly, but tries to answer through Barr’s rambling, “Had enough, actually. You mind calmin’ down? What’s the occasion anyways?”

“I’ll get right to it!” Barr happily shouts, still leading Jason on.

He’s soon brought to a chair, though Jason kindly rejects and opts instead to lean against the doorframe while Barr moves to his desk. The man bends down and retrieves a box kept in the lower shelf, all the while Jason’s eyes wander around the room.

Barr’s office is full of memorabilia of the Old Earth. Model tanks line the shelves by chronological order, all positioned at the same direction and without a bit of dust to ruin their clean, pristine appearance. Several posters of films and wars from the 40’s covered the walls - all of which contained behind glass frames to protect their quality. They mostly covered topics like “War Bonds” and “Liberty”, but Barr didn’t care for the aboutism - he was more drawn to the looks. Lastly, hanging right behind his desk was a replica shotgun, locked behind a glass case with but one plaque reading, “Winchester Model 1987. Trench Gun”.

Jason’s eyes shifted back to see Barr open the box, and from it he nearly brings out a small rectangular bottle with an amber colored liquid and a yellowish-green cap, along with a tin lined with cigars. The tin advertised “Babe Ruth Smokes; Great Vintage Taste from a Great Vintage Era”. with a picture of a grey colored man in striped pajamas.

Barr sat down nice and comfy, rubbed his hands and delightfully waved his fingers over the items laid upon his desk. He sniffed the air, savoring it even from afar. Jason taps the doorway, breaking Barr from his ecstasy.

“Uhh, Barry? What’s the… uh, situation here?” Jason asked, his smile still uncomfortably kept, but his tone presented as respectful as can be.

Finally, Barr answers, with exhaled excitement, “Promotion. I am getting a promotion. All thanks to you.”

“Me?” Jason responds, confused. His face contorts in surprise before returning to his previous expression as he continues, “Uh, I don’t see what you’re talking about here.”

“That bounty you brought in: Sid Leibers. We’ve been looking for him, and here you are. You bring him in to us, and now I’m finally going to get my dues for once in my life. So for that, yes! You boy, I thank! Now then, do you still want the smokes? You ain’t too old yet to celebrate, and I hope you got the taste for cigars. They say these got the old taste right - exactly how it’s described in the old archives.”

“Again, pass.” Says Jason. He brings his hand up to scratch his head, still unsure exactly on what is going on. He then asks the question that had been running through his mind every now and then. “You know Barry, now that you mention it - why have you guys been hounding for Sid so badly? I mean, 850 creds? I know he killed some people, but the worst murderers and arsonists I’ve seen get a bounty of at most 400 alive. Least those people got about a dozen more bodies under their names, and they’re way more sadistic and messed up than this guy ever was.”

Barr leans over his desk, takes a long look towards the hall outside his door and then to the window before looking back at Jason. He whispers, with a wide-eyed look, “You really want to know?”

Jason pauses, jokingly pulls a similar look, and replies in the same tone, “Sure.”

Barr sits back, chuckling lightly for a bit as he then explains - all while his fingers come and rest upon each other. He begins, “I shouldn’t tell you, honestly, but might as well since it’s going to be old news soon. You hear about some gang making a big hit further along the Western mountain ridge?”

Jason shakes his head.

“Well, they’re causing a mighty fine problem for a lot of people along the Black Road. Plenty of hits, ranging from kidnappings and ransoms, arson, murder - just about everything. For the past few months they’ve been pressing the villages for protection money, else they’ll come back and cause even more damage.”

“Sounds to me like your typical, small raider band.” Jason states.

“Not quite.” Counters Barry, elaborating more seriously now. His tone shifts to faithfully present the rank and affiliation he holds within the government on Aurora. “Now they’re not as sadistic as a raider or as large, but they’re smart - at least, whoever is leading them is. They have a good understanding of the environment, and are able to move about without anyone being able to track them. The gang’s hiding out within the ridge, but every time we get to a base they’ve already moved out days before. Not to mention this isn’t like those raiders; these guys can stay put in the mountains for weeks at a time, and we suspect that they possess enough of a survivalist skillset to make use of the wastes without issue. From what reports we’ve managed to scrounge up from those willing to talk, their numbers range from around 12 to 20 men. Not big, but we’re still running blind with what we got on them. Many of the villages affected are too scared to talk, and others ain’t much trusting of our offices to say anything anyways. The guard we have here at the nearest outpost can’t do anything unless we get further intel on the enemy - the command won’t devote manpower to what they see as ineffective searching.”

Jason nods and nods, taking in the information but ultimately not really caring. He keeps his opinion to himself that these guys don’t sound special - no different from any gang he’s dealt with in the past. Folks will join any group if the money’s available, and smarts don’t matter a thing if all they do is the same thing by running around like a bunch of crooks. Still, none of what Barr said had satisfied Jason’s question. “Ok, but what does this have to do with Sid? He’s just some punk, nothing else.”

“You’re right, he is just a pink,” Barry agrees, but his tone becomes progressively chipper. “But - he’s a punk with the right connections. See, what we managed to get from one village is that Sid had recently become a member of this gang. Now, he is dangerous, but he’s thankfully an idiot as well. The bastard was bragging about how he had just gotten in with the gang, completely away from the ears of his operation. With him looking to be our best chance, I commissioned the Bounty Board team to issue a large price on him - alive. Once he’s in our hands, we can interrogate him for all he’s worth.”

There it was, the answer - and Jason had to admit it: it felt good knowing that now. He did some good, albeit without having a clue about it beforehand Of course, the price was what really mattered. “Smart move.” He comments, smiling, “I got to say, you guys are awfully clever. But, how’re you sure he’ll talk? Man ain’t exactly lookin’ to be the agreeable sort.”

“We’ve got out ways, Jason. Man’s an idiot, like I said - and, from the profile we got on him, this ain’t exactly the longest he’s been with a gang. He’ll crack to something, sooner or later, and when he does we’ll have what it takes to nail those fuckers for good.”

“Then congrats to you, friend.” Jason remarks, giving a half-assed salute, though his smile tells Barr that he genuinely does mean well.

“No, thank you. Still! We should toast!” Barr exclaims, rising from his desk with the cheeriest of attitudes. “How about we get Sid out the car and give him a ‘congratulations’ drink? Let him know he’ll be in good hands.”

He starts power-walking out the door towards the front, with Jason following after at a slower pace. Jason comments, “Sure, might as well give him a chance to stretch his legs.”

The two exit out the front and right outside, and almost immediately Jason starts to miss the cold breeze.

With keys in hand, Jason moves around to the back of the car with Barr, and with a wide grin on his face he starts to unlock the trunk. Barr is barely able to contain his excitement, so much so he’s practically hopping in place and thinking past 10 different ways to greet the creep. With a CLICK the trunk swings open, and the two men stare inside - then when they see Sid, their expressions sink.

A long moment of silence falls between them, but especially Sid. The punk lays in a puddle of his own blood from within the trunk, his hands limply placed against his crotch. All color had drained from his body, with the last bit of it being the dark mellow blues of his eyes and lips. His eyes stared off at nothing, not registering one bit to the two men staring at their owner, whose expression is utterly blank.

Barr then breaks the silence, stating dryly, “Well thanks a-fucking-lot, Jason. You killed our man - way to go.”

“Now wait a minute.” Jason starts, holding a finger up as his eyes are kept locked onto the body in the trunk. He doesn’t say anything else, or for that matter can’t find a good reason to right now. With an open palm, and some slight hesitation, he reaches forward and gives Sid a couple smacks across the face. Twice, thrice, four and five times he does this. The slaps get a bit harder, but the body doesn’t move.

He turns sharply towards Barr, momentarily at a loss for words. Barr looks back, his once jolly expression giving way to an equally strong frown. Jason holds his hands up a bit and attempts to make a point, “Let me explain… he was alive when I brought him here.”

“Yeah, well he ain’t alive anymore.” Barr shoots back.

“The dude was banging the trunk door on the way here. He was causing all sorts of a fuss! For all I knew, when coming here, he was still pretty much alive.”

“And in that time.” Barr replies, almost about to blow, “Did you, at any point, dress this man’s wounds?”

“I… didn’t think it was serious.” Jason mumbles.

“The man’s balls are shot off!” Barr screams, his face turning a hot pink. “I think that calls for a fucking band-aid at the very least! Goddammit!” He yells, even louder - to the point his voice began turning course. He slams the trunk, causing Jason to jump back while Barr storms off back towards the office.

“Come on Barry!” Jason pleads, following after the man before Barr does a 180 and stops him dead in his tracks.

“Don’t you ‘Barry’ me, ya moron! This was supposed to be my break. MY promotion! Best chance I’d get to saying goodbye and good riddance to this hell blasted planet!”

“Now that ain’t fair, Barry…”

Barr resumes back into the office and is just about ready to shut the front door when, suddenly, Jason grips it from the outside. Jason peaks in, crying out, “Wait, wait, wait, wait!” Barr listens, and after a moment Jason calms down before asking politely, “What about my payment?”

Barr’s eyes grow wide, his mouth agape, and the punks on his face become a peppery red. He stammers, “You just-- I don’t-- Why’d you-- I should strangle the fuck out of you! Fucking payment?! Read the damn contract! ALIVE! You get the bounty if he comes alive! Alive - Payment! Dead - hit the dirt and LEAVE!”

Then with a quick pull he slams the door, right onto Jason’s fingers. Jason lets out a harsh scream, but doesn’t let go. It takes another three slams from the door before he finally releases, as he trips onto the dirt and holds tight to numb the furious pain going on in his fingers. Barr finally shuts the door and locks it, before walking off into his office in pure rage.

Jason shakes the pain away as best he could, right before looking back at the office door. He yells and begs, “Barry! You can’t leave me with this body, Barry! It’s gonna stink my damn car!”

After a minute of getting not a single answer from Barry, Jason curses and nurses his injured fingers. He lightly blows on his bruised digits, all the while slowly making his way to the back of his car. Stopping, he looked with disgust at the dead body attracting flies in his car. Delvitely he slams the trunk shit, wincing from the pain in his hands, before finally getting into the front seat to drive on out of there.

He speeds on out of the gated area, setting course for the Black Road.

First on his agenda: finding a place off the side to dump the body.

Second: looking somewhere to get some ice - for both his hands, and his drink.

#original work #my writing #CROSS #KRONOS #eyeofsemicolon #the5thsemicolon #semicolonthe5th #short story #science fiction #original story #Jason Cross #writing #western

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almaasi · 6 years

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GISHWHES 2017 List Of Items

Yes, this archive post is a whole year late. Don’t judge me.

In 2017 the hunt ran from August 5th to the 12th, and winners went to Hawaii with Misha. (Misha scared everyone by implying it was The Last Ever Hunt, when it was actually just rebranding.) Under the cut: The entire item list from 2017, including item numbers, point values, and deleted items.

[ see also: 2011 list // 2012 list // 2013 list // 2014 list // 2015 list // 2016 list ]

Disclaimer: I am not personally affiliated with Misha Collins or any of the organisers of GISHWHES. This blog post is not official. And yes, I am allowed to post it.

#1 / PHOTO / 66 POINTS / Do you live near (or within a fun road trip’s length of) some sand dunes or a beach? If so, the time has come to fulfill your destiny. Make a massive portrait (must be larger than 20 square meters - the larger the better) of either someone who inspires you, or a message of hope beautifully written in sand. Use a drone to capture footage, if helpful. Make sure you are not working on protected or ecologically sensitive dunes.

#2 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 20 POINTS / There was a hobby or talent that you used to do when you were younger that you stopped doing for whatever reason. Do it again. Now.

#3 / PHOTO / 52 POINTS / Pancake art has come a long way, and the art form doesn’t get the respect it deserves. Let’s see pancake art of Guernica, Judith Slaying Holofernes, The Weeping Woman, anything by Hieronymus Bosch., or another famous work. (You may not do the Mona Lisa or anything abstract.)

#4 / PHOTO / 62 POINTS / As anyone who reads “Cosmopolitan” magazine knows, bohemian eco-chic weddings are all the rage. Let’s see a wedding dress made from recycled office paper.

#5 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 42 POINTS / Nobody likes elevator music in an elevator - unless it’s flute or pan flute music played by a wood nymph. (We must see unsuspecting passengers in the elevator with the wood nymph.)

#6 / VIDEO / 19 POINTS / Re-enact the experience of your birth, using (only) shadow puppets.

#7 / VIDEO / 44 POINTS / (Up to 2 minutes.) You love your grandparents, or your great-grandparents, but you've never heard their stories. Get one of them to tell you about the two most transformative experiences of their early life, before they turned 30. These must be experiences that shaped them into the people they are today. They may be difficult situations or lucky ones, but they must be transformative. Subject(s) must be more than 80 years old.

#8 / PHOTO / 82 POINTS / The year is 2021. Of all the unique and amazing human specimens on Earth, it was hard for the aliens to choose which ones to collect, but your team stood out as being excessively weird & worth “analysis". Your entire team was abducted and put into an alien specimen box. In grid form, show each member of your team along with a card explaining where they got you (city, country) and a word stating what special characteristic makes you unique.

#9 / PHOTO / 29 POINTS / I can assure you, THAT has never been frozen in jello before! How did you manage to do that?!

#10 / PHOTO / 51 POINTS / Pizza was invented in Italy in 997 AD to honor the Queen Consort, Queen Margherita. The next significant event in Italian history was the start of the Renaissance Period in the 14th century, which spawned a revival in art, architecture, science and learning. Let’s celebrate these two seminal moments in Italian history. Bake a Pizza decorated as a Renaissance painting that would make the Old Masters proud.

#11 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 82 POINTS / There are many old ghost towns (Note that Little Beaver Town on the list has been leveled. We're not sure what happened to the ghosts but they may be smaller/flatter) around the world. I’ve been told, however, that almost all of these are fake and do not contain real ghosts. I refuse to believe this. Help me prove them wrong. Let’s see ghosts (at least 6) doing typical small-town activities (shopping, dropping stuff off in the mailbox, porch sitting, walking ghost dogs, as crossing guards and school kids, etc.) in one of the actual ghost towns at the link above (or in another legitimately publicized ghost town). Provide a caption to your image or video with the name of the ghost town , and the State or Province and Country you’re in.

#12 / PHOTO / 29 POINTS / Many of us have lost pets in our lifetime. As a memorial to a loved pet that is now frolicking in the clouds chasing or sniffing whatever it was that pet liked to chase/sniff, write a poem or haiku about that loved one, or create a small shrine in nature comprised of items the pet loved and a photo of him or her.

#13 / PHOTO / 41 POINTS / (Side by side) A child drawing of their idea of happiness. Then, make it happen.

#14 / PHOTO / 48 POINTS / Over the years gishwhes has always been a supporter of first responders (firemen, paramedics, ER medics, nurses, police, etc.). Let’s give them one last treatment of a proper gishwhes “THANK YOU!” Find your nearest and dearest first responders and bring them The Most Epic Cookies or Pastries the World Has Ever Seen (MECOPWHES).

#15 / PHOTO / 23 POINTS / Groucho Marx a piece of fruit. No, we don’t know what this means either, but we’re excited to see what you come up with.

#16 / VIDEO / 29 POINTS / (Up to 2 minutes.) Take your parent back to the place where they lived when they were 10. Find someone they knew from then and ask them to recall a shared memory.

#17 / PHOTO / 69 POINTS / Spicy Art! Using the spices you have in your spice cupboard, make a picture of your favorite (1) comic book cover, or (2) cartoon character. Either submit it alone, or as a side-by-side image comparison.

#18 / PHOTO / 63 POINTS / Create or provide “gishwhes” welcome blankets (if it’s cold) or cold water and snacks (if it’s hot) for newly arriving immigrants… anywhere on the planet. Here’s some inspiration for you.

#19 / PHOTO / 38 POINTS / (Side-by-side image) A photo of your pet and a photo of the portrait of your pet that you have made from their own food and treats.

#20 / PHOTO / 41 POINTS / This family’s toys get into sweet, crazy escapades at night while the kids are sleeping. Your family’s toys make that family’s toys look like do-gooders. Let’s see what happened with your family’s toys while you slept last night.

#21 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 41 POINTS / Let’s see the world famous once-every-3000-years “Spectral Olympics”.

#22 / PHOTO / 50 POINTS / We finally have a confirmed sighting of a mythical beast from urban legends (Bigfoot, Nessie, Yeti, etc.) suffering the effects of climate change.

#23 / PHOTO / 39 POINTS / This morning, my daughter, Maison reported having seen a “moon fairy” while I was sleeping last night. As you know, the rarely-seen moon fairies are mischievous, nocturnal creatures who participate in synchronized, representational flight. Using a long exposure and flashlights (or other movable light sources) photograph these elusive beasts.

#24 / PHOTO / 43 POINTS / She wore a raspberry beret… Wear a beret made out of raspberries as you shop in a second-hand store.

#25 / PHOTO / 56 POINTS / Wombat poop is shaped like little bricks. Sounds like the perfect building material for a tiny house! Show us! If we can figure out the architectural style you chose from your structure - bonus points! You’ll probably have to go to a local zoo to ask for collections of this building material. Enjoy your visit while you’re there. Your image must contain a caption that shares a little known fact about wombats.

#26 / VIDEO / 101 POINTS / (Create an old-school STOP MOTION film - up to 1 minute.) A Romeo and Juliet story... Two young virile socks (unmatched) meeting, falling in love, being kept apart and finally ending tragically.

#27 / PHOTO / 48 POINTS / The Internet has brought us all closer together, so this should be really easy: find someone from one of the 10 smallest countries in the world. Have them send you a forced perspective photo of something very small that makes that object look huge in front of a famous public landmark or historical site in that country. Caption the photo with “Big things happen in the tiny nation of [insert country name].” Teams may not share submissions with other teams, so make sure your tiny country helper isn’t helping someone else.

#28 / PHOTO / 58 POINTS / Finger-painting is often thought of as unsophisticated and associated with preschool. But we know it can be deployed for much loftier purposes. Prove the art historians and elitists wrong by finger painting a sophisticated mural with complex messaging about an important global issue on the wall of a classroom. You may want to get a pre-schooler or two to help just to make sure you’re doing it right!

#29 / PHOTO / 37 POINTS / It is either winter or summer where you are. (If it is not, please contact our support so we can send NASA to find you.) There’s something you love to do outdoors in the winter or summer where you live. Do the activity you love to do in the opposite season that you are in.

#30 / PHOTO / 41 POINTS / THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! NEW LEASH ON LIFE USA adopts otherwise unadoptable dogs and sends them through a unique training program. Shelter pets rarely get any attention and millions are put down each year. Many times this can be avoided if people on the Interwebs (who would like and could responsibly own a pet) were to see how cute, available, lonely and cuddly they are. Let’s save a pet or two (or thousands). Grab a friend or two and visit a shelter. Spend some time with one or more of the pets there. Post a selfie of your favorite pet looking for a “forever home” on Twitter (tagging @NewLeashUSA) or Instagram (tagging @NewLeashOnLifeUSA), using hashtag #adoptmeplease, and the social media handle or name of the shelter (so people can contact them). Submit the image you take on our site, but provide the link to your social media post link in the comment field of the submit page. // UPDATED: Updated tags and social accounts. (Original said “on Twitter or Instagram, tagging @NewLeashUSA”.)

#31 / PHOTO / 44 POINTS / You’ll find all you need to complete this item here: https://yung.cloud/index.php?a=track&id=29451

#32 / PHOTO / 50 POINTS / Visit a local bakery or food market. Get them to donate still-edible items to a women’s shelter. Speak to the women’s shelter first to make sure they will accept donations like this. Submit an image of you at the women’s shelter donating the food items. // UPDATE NOTE: Please don't take images that include any of the residents in the background out of respect to their safety & privacy.

#33 / PHOTO / 73 POINTS / From @gishwhes twitter feed: Everyone knows the most ticklish parts of planes are on the undersides of the wings (or "wing pits", to use proper aircraft terminology). Let’s see the wing pits on a full-sized airplane. You can go true bohemian, decorative, or high and tight groomer - but it must really look like (or be) hair to count.

#34 / PHOTO / 89 POINTS / As this is likely the last year of gishwhes we should probably do something to memorialize it. A lot of folks have been saying, “Save gishwhes!” But we say, “Shave “gishwhes”... into the back of your head.” Try to match the amazing logo that Olivia Desianti formed way back when - which we still use today. Bonus points if you include the current or a former gishwhes hybrid mascot in your masterpiece. The same design shaved into a thick matt of back or chest hair would be an acceptable substitute.

#35 / PHOTO / 44 POINTS / Hand a bouquet of flowers (or a single flower) to a person leaving a house of worship that is not your religion. For example, if you are a Christian, you could hand a bouquet of flowers to someone leaving a mosque. If you’re Jewish, hand flowers to someone at a Christian church, etc. With the flowers, attach a note saying something in your own words, but to the effect of: “I may not worship in the same building as you, and I may not pray to the same prophets, but I am grateful to be sharing this planet with you in peace.”

#36 / PHOTO / 23 POINTS / The dewey decimal system has long been responsible for keeping good books apart— books that clearly deserve to spend a life together on library shelves. For that matter, it seems so many libraries go out of their way to keep perfectly good literary companions apart as they separate fact from fiction, biography from archaeology, science fiction from politics. Be the matchmaker literature needs and get creative at your local library or bookstore. Show the spines of at least six books together in a library or bookstore (the more titles the better) the titles of which create the perfect oxymoronic sentence or phrase. - Monica Duff

#37 / PHOTO / 92 POINTS / No one talks about the fact that the destruction of the Death Star put thousands of Stormtroopers out of work. Luckily the Empire has a pretty robust social safety net and most of them have been retrained and placed in new jobs, the majority of which have been in the transportation sector. Let’s see a stormtrooper driving/flying a large passenger vehicle. Must be for mass transit, not just a car or a van. A subway, train, bus, ferry, plane, etc.

#38 / PHOTO / 43 POINTS / THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! Pick a celebrity social media image post (or an advertisement) and recreate it with a subtle twist like Celeste Barber does here. Tweet, Instagram or FB post your image side-by-side with the original image, “#embracereality @gishwhes” and your team name. (You may also tag or mention the celebrity or brand you are satirizing.) Submit the image you take side-by-side with the original one, but provide the link to your social media post in the comment field of the submit page.

#39 / PHOTO / 29 POINTS / You’ve heard of Cabbage Patch Kids, Garbage Pail Kids, and the Pacific Garbage patch. Let’s see a Great Pacific Garbage Patch Kid, (a cabbage-patch kid made from garbage you pick up from your local beach or lakefront), complete with adoption certificate.

#40 / VIDEO / 51 POINTS / (Up to 30 seconds.) THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT!. Have a full church choir sing Carry on My Wayward Son while wearing dental cheek retractors. Please make sure that the video shows some of the singers’ faces up close. Then, share the video via twitter with the band Kansas (@kansasband) with @mishacollins @gishwhes.” Submit the video on our site but provide the link to your social media post in the comment field of the submit page. - Nicki Bentley-Colthart

#41 / PHOTO / 21 POINTS / Show us your own personal “Stairway to Heaven” -Dylan Cacador

#42 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 48 POINTS / You ever heard of “pond dipping”? “river bugging”? Neither have we - but let’s not let that stop us. Invent and show off your own *SAFE* summer wet, wild and messy activity and caption it with a clever name.

#43 / PHOTO / 39 POINTS / Never judge a book by its cover… or bread by its shape. Bake bread or cookies into the shape of something you would DEFINITELY not want to eat. (We hate to have to say this every year, but pornographic pastries will result in docked points.)

#44 / VIDEO / 56 POINTS / (Time-lapse up to 20 seconds.) A snail (or similarly VERY slow insect or worm) crossing a path or going up a wall. Put or stick objects in its path so it has to change directions multiple times. Then have it go through some “winner” gates at the end of its arduous trek. To make it a gripping adventure, you’ve dropped frames and turned this into a fast-paced adventure and set it to 1980s video game music, complete with a grand finale sound at the end when it makes it through the gates.

#45/ PHOTO / 72 POINTS / You may not be aware, but leather-clad, tattoo-covered biker clubs love to hang out and play in those inflatable bouncy castles. Catch them in the act!

#46 / PHOTO / 29 POINTS / THE FINAL “KALE” ART. (Please note that per Commandment #4 of the 2017 Hunt, this word and material as a Hunt item is not permitted. We are aware of this. That being said, we do not care. You still may not use the word “kale”. Henceforth, it shall be called [REDACTED] BUT you may use it as a material for this item.) Therefore, take a SINGLE glorious piece of [REDACTED] and, using whatever adornments or other decoratives, clipping patterns, etc., create a stunning, museum worthy piece of art that shall then be showcased (and submitted as such) as an ornamental headpiece on you.

#47 / PHOTO / 63 POINTS / Your strict neighborhood HOA (Homeowners’ Association) got replaced by a better HOA: the Hopeful Optimist’s Association. They’ve decided that your lawn isn’t quite up to regulations. Get your front yard up to snuff by building a large-scale, jaw-dropping sculpture or structure dedicated to Hope. Make it so magnificent that motorists backup & park to gaze at its beauty. (Conversely, it could be that YOUR neighborhood HOA got replaced by the Horrible Organization for Awfulness... You get where we're going with this, right?)

#48 / PHOTO / 48 POINTS / As most people know, roosters enjoy a good sunrise. But other farm animals enjoy sunrises and sunsets, too. Let's see a photo of you, some friends or companions (such as your dog), and a sheep, horse, cow, or other non-rooster barnyard animal, watching the sun rise or set together. Bonus points if the spectacular skies are reflected in water in front of you.

#49 / PHOTO / 37 POINTS / There’s something important that your local or national politicians are not attending to properly. Stand in front of something that represents the issue/right/minority group/etc. that you care about and that your politicians are not adequately protecting and hold a large, hand-written sign with a message to the powers that be. Tweet this image to an elected official with the power to do something to help tagged “#gishwhesrights”. Submit the image and a link to your tweet in the comments.

#50 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 51 POINTS / Have too much of a good thing, by which we mean a cream-filled balloon the size of a volley ball. Volley, volley, spike! Play a game of volleyball with it in the middle of a busy plaza.

#51 / PHOTO / 47 POINTS / Anyone who serves in the military is risking their life to serve their nation. Being respectful to not trespass on military grounds, stand in front of a large military craft, ship, tank, or plane with an inclusive sign of thanks to every service member of every kind. You may post this image on social media prior to the end of the hunt, if you choose. Submit the image with a link to your post in the comment section (if you chose to post it).

#52 / VIDEO / 41 POINTS / (Time-lapse up to 30 seconds.) Paint a dignified portrait of a President, Prime Minister, King, or Queen. But we don’t want you to waste canvas or paper! Paint this on a loved one’s bare back or abdomen. (use skin safe paints or edible “paint-like” food products!)

#53 / PHOTO / 33 POINTS / Write something in frosting on a cake that you’ve always wanted to say to someone, and deliver it to them.

#54 / PHOTO / 40 POINTS / THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! Listen to this and be scared: http://www.radiolab.org/story/nukes/. But this bill has been introduced to try to solve this global risk. Let’s get it approved! Tweet ALL of your reps to pass the legislation to make congressional approval for first nuclear strike US law. Submit a screenshot of your post. Provide a link to the tweet in the comment field of the submit page. // UPDATE: Edited for clarity: Not senators but representatives.

#55 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 34 POINTS / Make a homemade Castiel kite with a child. We must see the kite in flight.

#56 / PHOTO / 41 POINTS / Sometimes things are just too comfy to leave, but you’re prepared for this! Let’s see you in your “Hammock Self-Containment Unit”. This, of course, would be you in a hammock with everything you need to live for one week, including all life preserving items, sanitation supplies and, of course, entertainment (live or otherwise). Make sure it’s clean, well organized, and designed for easy access to everything.

#57 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 52 POINTS / Show us a beautiful mermaid or sea creature performing a politically defiant modern dance solo to the beautiful music of the Sea Organ at Zadar. (Can’t make it to Zadar? The wave organ in San Francisco or the high tide organ in Blackpool may be substituted.)

#58 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 89 POINTS / It’s time to recreate the epic historic Great Zombie vs. Vampire World War II. As you recall, this particular battle took place with Nerf guns (homemade or otherwise) in an arena, forest or field, and was wild, gruesome, and featured multiple soldiers.

#59 / PHOTO / 59 POINTS / THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! This item takes place on Friday, Aug 11th, in whatever city you’re in at 10am in your time zone. Stand in front of your state or province’s legislative building (the building where your laws are enacted) and with your friends, hold up a large sign showing an excerpt or summary of a law that protects civil rights. For example if you live in the US, you could hold up a sign with a portion of the 1st amendment of the US Constitution written on it. Use the hashtag #gishwhes4rights. Submit the image you take on our site, but provide the link to your social media post in the comment field of the submit page.

#60 / VIDEO / 51 POINTS / Up to 30 seconds - you may speed up or slow down the video if you need to.) Using only air-moving devices or machines, successfully navigate a balloon through a strange series of obstacles. It must be suspended in the air, without anyone or anything other than moving air touching it. It must travel at least 10 yards and culminate with your friend popping it with a needle sticking out from a hat they’re wearing.

#61 / VIDEO / 76 POINTS / (As long as it takes to complete the song.) THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! James Corden hosts Carpool Karaoke in the US— a viral show that has celebrities singing songs with him in a car. (Yes, we realize this is typical lowbrow-American TV, but it works.) We want to upgrade carpool karaoke and make it more high-brow. Create your own carpool karaoke with a political or intellectual powerhouse. Your co-singer must be either a nobel laureate, MacArthur Fellow, a national elected official, Bill Nye, Jane Goodall, Neil deGrasse Tyson, or any past or present member of the Harlem Globetrotters. Oh, and your karaoke song must have sufficient gravitas and must be an 80s pop song. For example, “Like a Virgin” would do nicely. Shoot your video Carpool Karaoke style. Tweet the video to @JKCorden with #gishwhesloveskaraoke and mention who your passenger is in the post. Upload the video on our submit page but be sure to provide the link to your social media post in the comment field of the submit page.

#62 / PHOTO / 42 POINTS / Honeybees are a “keystone” species just like sharks. If they’re gone, we’re in big trouble. Unfortunately, there are currently “Colony Collapse Disorders” happening with honeybees throughout the world. This is when the majority of worker bees in a colony disappear, leaving the queen and immature bees to fend for themselves (most colonies completely die). This has major global food crop implications, as honeybees perform the magic of pollination of agricultural crops. If bees go by the wayside, we will have to find alternative pollination solutions, and that ain’t gonna be easy. But, let’s roll up our sleeves and give it a shot: Plant something in your garden (or plant a garden if you don’t have one) that is bee friendly (even if it’s just one plant in one pot on a patio). Spring - lilacs, penstemon, lavender, sage, verbena, and wisteria. Summer – Mint, cosmos, squash, tomatoes, pumpkins, sunflowers, oregano, rosemary, poppies, black-eyed Susan, passion flower vine, honeysuckle. Fall – Fuschia, mint, bush sunflower, sage, verbena, toadflax. Take a picture of yourself wearing some sort of bee-attire doing your part to pollinate your newly planted plant.

#63 / VIDEO / 265 POINTS / (Time-lapse up to 1 minute but preferably under 30 seconds.) Loo goes to space! A person named Loo won our NASA email contest last Fall, and Loo’s prize is out of this world. Write “Loo” on a paper airplane and launch it from the stratosphere (or higher). We must CLEARLY see you writing the name on the paper airplane and folding it, the paper airplane’s journey into space, and then the actual launch where the plane is released from the stratosphere from whatever vehicle has conveyed it to those heights (high-altitude weather balloons are an acceptable means of conveyance). Oh, and one more thing: the paper airplane must be decorated and must have a message on it about a secret, global conspiracy to make the world a better place. It should also have your team name written on it and the following email address: with the instructions: “If found please email picture of airplane and location found to: [email protected].

#64 / PHOTO / 58 POINTS / Quilt a gishwhes onesie out of underwear and/or gloves. Strike a pose in the lobby of a financial institution or bank. Bonus points if it’s the floor of a stock exchange.

#65 / PHOTO / 65 POINTS / You know SuperWhoLock? The amalgamation of Supernatural, Doctor Who and Sherlock? Well, that’s been done to death and everyone has moved on to the next big mashup. Let’s see 3D street art on a pavement or wall (in chalk!) that’s of a scene or setting from SuperWhoWatch (an amalgamation of Supernatural, Doctor Who and BayWatch)

#66 / PHOTO / 18 POINTS / Personify your favorite movie title. Include a caption on your image of the title of the movie in quotes. - Tanya Best

#67 / PHOTO / 43 POINTS / Banana Hammock. This year’s summer fashion elitists are all wearing the latest rage: Banana Bikini or Banana Briefs. Join them!

#68 / PHOTO / 51 POINTS / You finally have a use for all the naked bananas you now have sitting around! Bake as much banana bread as you can with “gishwhes” spelled out in bananas on the top & distribute it to your local nursing home.

#69 / VIDEO / 28 POINTS / You’ve been putting this off for far too long. Tell your parents something bad that you did as a child that they still don’t know about. Capture their reaction. This must not be staged. We have an Academy Award Winning Judge on staff that will determine if your parent has already heard this story and you will be docked points. - CJ and Lauren

#70 / VIDEO / 39 POINTS / (Time-lapse down to 20 seconds.) Sidewalk cafes are all the rage, but most “sidewalk cafes” are total posers. Set up a “sidewalk cafe” the way it was meant to be - on an actual sidewalk. Cook a delicious omelet using just a magnifying glass, a hot sidewalk, and the sun. Share your feast with a friend!

#71 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 45 POINTS / DELETED FOR REASONS // ORIGINAL: THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! Rapper B. o. B. seems to think that the world is flat. Perform a highly scientific experiment that proves that it is not and tweet the results to him (https://twitter.com/bobatl). Submit the image or video you take on our site, but provide the link to your social media post in the comment field of the submit page.

#72 / PHOTO / 111 POINTS / I hate to say it, but this financial company is underwater. Let’s see the board meeting— with professionally dressed people at the table with chairs, paper, pens etc… all fully submerged at the bottom of a swimming pool.

#73 / PHOTO / 39 POINTS / Visit a local laundromat. Place decorated envelopes with enough money (in coins or bills, depending on the machines) for one load of washing and one load of drying on at least one machine with the note: “We swim together, we tumble together. Love, Gishwhes.”

#74 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 43 POINTS / Modify a grocery store shopping cart to be space-worthy. Put an alien being in the pilot’s seat and help them navigate the terrain of the “Earth produce” department to collect specimens.

#75 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 16 POINTS / They told me I couldn’t, so I did. Pose in front of a sign declaring a rule. Break that rule. A few notes: It must be safe (what you are doing), and it MUST NOT be a law or illegal where you are. It must only be a “rule”. For example, you might find a sign that says, “collared shirts only.” You would pose in front of that sign wearing a tank top. - Inspired by Emily Shulman

#76 / PHOTO / 39 POINTS / Have a caveperson demonstrate glass-blowing. - Jennifer Pierce

#77 / PHOTO / 24 POINTS / Personify or embody your team name. Caption your image with your team name. - Shannon

#78 / PHOTO / PHOTO or VIDEO / 48 POINTS / Being in the hospital can be scary and lonely for kids! Visit your local hospital to play a two-player video game with a pediatric patient. Be sure to dress thematically to match your game(s)! Take a picture of yourself in front of the children’s hospital. Do not take pictures with the kids unless they approve, their guardian(s) approve, and the hospital approves; we don’t want them to feel exploited. However, you MUST play with a child to get points for this item. This will be an honor system. You will have very bad karma if you cheat on this one. - Kristin Lindsay - Child’s Play charity.

#79 / VIDEO / 29 POINTS / (Up to 20 seconds.) Why would you move from the couch during a Supernatural binge watching session? Build a complex SPN-themed Rube-Goldberg machine to fill your empty glass, catapult you a snack, or to serve some other couch potato need. - Diane-Audrey Carlier

#80 / VIDEO / 73 POINTS / You’ve all seen “dog shaming memes” on the Internets. You know that crowd that lines up at the plaza of The Today Show and shows up on air? Let’s take it over with gisher-self-shaming signs. Hold up a large, colorful sign that details something you did that you probably shouldn’t have done (for example, “I drank milk straight of the carton and put it back in the fridge without telling my roommates”). Make it a light-hearted trivial violation, not a deep-seated personality flaw, actual violation of the law, or other serious offense. Share with us a clip of the AIRED FOOTAGE that shows your team’s sign and in the comments section of the item submitter, let us know which sign was yours. Do not add your team name or “gishwhes” anywhere on the sign… we want this to be a mystery.

#81 / PHOTO / 25 POINTS / Sometimes it feels like your boss expects you to be in more than one place at more than one time, but you’re a gisher so you know how to deliver. Using the panoramic photo function on your phone, insert yourself at least three times in the same picture in different positions and/or wardrobe to show yourself as you “multitask”. You may NOT Photoshop yourself into the image. (Hint: you have to run around the person taking the picture each time they pass you in the frame.)

#82 / PHOTO / 19 POINTS / In honour of Canada's 150th birthday, even though you may not be Canadian, you and a friend should clearly cover yourself in maple syrup and go roll in some maple leaves. - Jessica G.

#83 / PHOTO / 29 POINTS / Lets see your interpretation of fireworks using vegetables and spaghetti as mixed media. - Saty381

#84 / PHOTO / 52 POINTS / (Two Images side-by-side.) The first image is a photo of an illustrated page from a children’s book. The second image is your reenactment of that illustration in 3 dimensions. - Inspired by Sarah Trumbley

#85 / PHOTO / 47 POINTS / Let’s see LABSWHES. The Largest Awesome Balloon Sculpture the World Has Ever Seen. The themes this year are “insect” or “space”—or both. You must be in the middle of this structure.

#86 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 39 POINTS / Everyone thinks unicorns are beautiful, magical, gentle creatures. You know better. Prove it to the world! You may use any media you like, including Photoshop. - Traci Akierman

#87 / PHOTO / 41 POINTS / THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! Tweet a picture of you or your child dressed as a bear in school to @betsydevos with whatever text you like and “#KeepSchoolsSafeFromBears #Gishwhes”. Submit the image you take on our site, but provide the link to your social media post in the comment field of the submit page. - Diedra Lookingbill

#88 / PHOTO / 60 POINTS / Three words: 10 Mannequin-pin Bowling. - Ariana Preis

#89 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 43 POINTS / Apply lipstick while jumping on a trampoline. - Emily Schulman

#90 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 42 POINTS / “Why did the chicken cross the road?” There’s no better crossing guard than a mother hen! Dressed as a chicken, offer to help people cross a busy street.

#91 / PHOTO / 31 POINTS / Leave a Yelp review of gishwhes after you deliver food to the homeless or to a homeless shelter.

#92 / VIDEO / 62 POINTS / (Up to 20 seconds.) It’s nice to see a serious sport finally get the recognition it deserves: http://www.euronews.com/2017/04/30/finns-compete-in-annual-hobby-horse-championship. Now, let's see video documentation of "Human NASCAR" complete with the speeding, lane changes, a pit-stop, crashes, etc. You & at least 5 friends must be drivers of "vehicles" of your own design, complete with corporate sponsorship logos. All vehicles must be motor-free and foot-propelled (ala-Flintstones) and all engine sounds must be vocalized by you and your friends. Just to be clear... this is Human NASCAR, not roller derby. All vehicles must be propelled on foot.

#93 / PHOTO / 72 POINTS / Get an elected official’s signature on a statement (written on official letterhead paper) declaring gishwhes an act of lawful resistance or civil disobedience. (Inspired by U of C Scav, 1987)

#94 / PHOTO / 44 POINTS / Camouflage yourself in a pet store.

#95 / VIDEO / 58 POINTS / (Up to 30 seconds.) The Silicon Gourmet has been teaching a neural network to generate recipes. Learning to cook is hard (as my son can attest)! In the interest of encouraging budding AI chefs everywhere, create a Food Network-worthy video preparing one of the recipes as described in the network’s cookbook. Make sure to sample the results on camera. Oh, and you must look and behave as if you were a droid, of course.

#96 / PHOTO / 38 POINTS / (Try to take a very close-up photo - a.k.a. “Macro” photo.) Nice grill! Combine the “tiny food” trend with urban fashion. Show someone cooking tiny hamburgers & hot dogs on a friend’s “grill” (the dental kind.)

#97 / PHOTO / 61 POINTS / Do something fitting in front of the Gereja Ayam (the abandoned Chicken Church of Indonesia). For example, you could play a game of Duck, Duck, Chicken! Or you could ponder the question: Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Or you could host an easter egg hunt… You get the picture.

#98 / VIDEO / 38 POINTS / A marionette show featuring a puppet of Trump being controlled by a Putin lookalike. Quintuple BONUS POINTS if Putin himself is the puppeteer.

#99 / VIDEO / 47 POINTS / Letterboxing (http://www.letterboxing.org/ or see https://www.atlasquest.com/) is a game where people hide small weatherproof boxes in publicly accessible spaces with a logbook & a stamp. They share the clues to find their box on the web or via word of mouth. Create a letterbox for your team & share clues so other teams can find it over social media. Leave a logbook with your team stamp on it in the box. Then, find another teams’ box and leave them a message of encouragement along with your team’s stamp in their log book. Submit proof that you found at least one other team’s book & the message you wrote. NO COLLUSION! (And that goes for you, too, Donald.) // UPDATE NOTE: Please either pickup your boxes after the Hunt ends or dedicate yourselves to maintaining them post-hunt.

#100 / PHOTO / 38 POINTS / Calliope. Clio. Euterpe. Erato. Melpomene. Polyhymnia. Terpischore. Thalia. Urania. Inspirational goddesses of literature, the arts and science in Greek mythology. On the steps of the National Gallery in Trafalgar Square, provide a visual representation of the muse that guides you in your art and/or life.

#101 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 80 POINTS / As I'm sure you’ve seen, over the years we have marketed gishwhes relentlessly and shamelessly (because we really want everyone to do it). This is the last gishwhes, so now it’s your turn to go ahead and show us how we should’ve marketed it. Create a gishwhes ad that no one would be able to resist. Note: you may make false or misleading claims if you so choose, but because we’re curious, you could even take a stab at a legit one. …

#102 / PHOTO / 74 POINTS / THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! During the First Annual and Last Ever 2017 gishwhes Tea Party, we identified gishers based on their right-brush or left-brush toothbrushing statuses. Conduct a massive poll on your social networks for the gishwhes Institute of Vital Statistics to prove conclusively whether people brush their teeth starting on the same side of their mouth as their dominant hand or the opposite side. Because this is solid science, your sample size must have a minimum of 400 respondents. Submit a visually-compelling graph of your poll data and the number of votes and the winner. Use the hashtag #gishwhesteeth. Submit a screenshot of your post. Provide the link to your social media post in the comment field of the submit page.

#103 / VIDEO / 26 POINTS / Play hopscotch at one of the marker sites of Víddaflakk. (BONUS: Play Interdimensional Hopscotch.)

#104 / PHOTO / 90 POINTS / A far-right Republican senator and a far-left Democrat Senator (or two similarly “diametrically party-opposed” legislative makers in your country) co-wearing a very large (fits two people) “This is Our ‘Get-Along’ Shirt.” Caption the image with the names of the politicians.

#105 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 81 POINTS / We know a little girl that makes a different kind of Advent Calendar. As she marks off each day on the calendar, she gives something away. Make your own version of a reverse Advent calendar. On the first day of gishwhes, create a decorated Advent calendar whereby, for each day on the calendar, you depict something you’re going to give away. Then, each day of the Hunt, take a picture of you fulfilling your calendar item. Submit 7 pictures in a grid (or a video slideshow) showing what you’ve done. Then, continue on through the calendar period. (Yes, this will continue after the Hunt is over, but though gishwhes as we know it may be ending, its spirit will live on in you!) -Keegan Connor Tracy’s 10-year old daughter

#106 / VIDEO / 79 POINTS / The Lumbasumba region is being protected this year by Gishwhes. We gishers managed to purchase for permanent preservation more than 60 square miles of the Lumbasumba forest during the final weeks of registration in July! But the Lumbasumba area is more than just a forest. It’s also the hottest new dance craze. Show us how it’s done. (As all gishers know, you need to do it next to a REAL monkey, a parrot, or a camel to do it right.)

#107 / VIDEO / 92 POINTS / (Up to 45 seconds.) AMOK ITEM! Let’s virtually graffiti the world with kindness! Using a GPS tracking app (like Figure Running or similar), walk, jog, or run as large a path as you can to spell out a message of love, hope, or kindness. As you go, stop and perform acts of kindness and document them. You must show us the map with coordinates at the end of your path as well as the minimum of 3 documented act of kindness. - Inspired by Tia Pogue

#108 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 28 POINTS / The chickens have come home to Proust.

#109 / VIDEO / 71 POINTS / (Up to 22 seconds.) Wonder Woman being “Superman-splained” to.

#110 / PHOTO / 29 POINTS / The return of the Three-ingredient Challenge! Show us: Triptych, Transylvanian, takin.

#111 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 45 POINTS / A street vendor handing out toilet paper roses at the toilet fountain in Foshan, China.

#112 / PHOTO / 83 POINTS / A ballet troupe in tutus, engaged in a bar brawl - freeze framed at its most climactic moment.

#113 / PHOTO / 62 POINTS / Set up a Maximum Security Birdhouse in a beautiful public park.

#114 / PHOTO / 41 POINTS / DELETED FOR REASONS // ORIGINAL: Let’s see a TripAdvisor or Airbnb review of your mother’s womb as an “extended stay hotel”. Keep it suitable for work and any child’s prying eyes! // UPDATE: Item only needs listing, no review necessary. / UPDATE: Item deleted.

#115 / PHOTO / 83 POINTS / Make A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of Le Grande Jatte by Seraut into an elaborate dot-to-dot image.

#116 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 65 POINTS / Not many people know this, but the Kessel Run was actually a foot race. Let’s see at least 5 Star Wars characters competing in the Kessel Run in a shopping mall.

#117 / VIDEO / 65 POINTS / Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole. Let’s see Dean Winchester driving a pedi-cab or quadricycle with Castiel & Sam as passengers.

#118 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 60 POINTS / Rumor has it that Amazon is teaming up with the Vatican for a bold new service: On Demand Drone Deliverance services. Show us a drone administering a wedding service, confession, last rites, communion or baptism.

#119 / PHOTO / 22 POINTS / Trump l’oeil. (This is not a typo.)

#120 / VIDEO / 91 POINTS / You’ve heard of a soap box derby, but the sofa bed derby is where it’s at. Let’s see two “race car” sofa beds, each with pajama-clad “drivers”, racing down an actual street. Be safe and complete this where there is absolutely no traffic!

#121 / PHOTO / 32 POINTS / The people of Iceland believe in Huldufólk, which are invisible elves. They build tiny houses and churches for them. But the Huldufólk deserve to have a nightlife, too! Let’s see a tiny Huldufólk nightclub in a busy urban area.

#122 / PHOTO / 40 POINTS / They say a rolling stone gathers no moss, but can moss gather a Rolling Stone? Make a portrait of one of The Rolling Stones out of moss.

#123 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 38 POINTS / As all gishers know, Saturday, August 12 is “Meet Another Gisher Day.” Meet up in front of the largest art museum in your town at 10:00 AM (of whatever timezone you’re in). It’s a pot-luck coleslaw brunch this year, so bring your favorite family recipe of coleslaw… and as much sidewalk chalk as you can. After brunch, decorate the pavement with a collaborative message to the world. In order for a meet-up to count you need to have representatives of at least 5 teams present, so this will require some organizing. Gishwhes is all about coming together, so teams may collaborate (gasp!) on this one, but your team’s image or video must still be all your own.

#124 / PHOTO / 21 POINTS / Be someone’s “rock” to get them through the hard times. Hand-paint small rocks with a message of kindness & leave them in areas that need a pick-me-up. (On the underside, please write “Pass it on.”) You must paint & hide at least one rock for each member of your team.

#125 / VIDEO / 41 POINTS / (Time-lapse under 20 seconds.) All good things must come to an end, and so it is with the Hunt. Create a “sand” mandala featuring images that symbolize the hunt to you… all using pixie sticks as your chakpur and sand. When it’s done, show us your masterwork and then, just like the Buddhist monks, sweep it away and get ready for what’s next.

#126 / PHOTO / 88 POINTS / DELETED FOR REASONS // ORIGINAL: Reward! I won’t say that Jensen & Jared are missing their balls, but they were last seen being sent into this quarry at Britannia Beach. Find them, take a photo, and put them back exactly where you found them for other teams to find. If you keep them, you will lose valuable karma & points. // UPDATE: Added safety advisory and strong caution based on reports. // UPDATE: Apparently Item #126, the one in which you are charged with finding Jared and Jensen’s golf balls is not going well. Now, granted, these are jared and jensen’s balls, so one would expect them to be quite hard to find. But it seems their balls are leaving a tremendous number of people unsatisfied as well. (To make matters worse, the owners of the quarry in BC have also installed a “no trespassing” sign since the hunt started and several bears have been spotted there by gishers as well.) So… I’m suspending this item. However, there will be a replacement item soon wherein you will be seeking out my golf balls, (which have never left an unsatisfied customer yet.) Also, if you have already completed item #126, you will be able to submit your photo of Jared and Jensen’s ball(s) for the new item and get full credit. The new item will be assigned the same number of points.

#127 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 64 POINTS / These Kung-Fu Nuns (dare we say “Nunjas?”) are biking through the Himalayas to stop human trafficking. (No, really.) In their honor, let’s see some tricks on a BMX bike. Rider must be dressed in a nun’s habit.

#128 / PHOTO / 84 POINTS / Get a Porcupanda or other gishwhes mascot included as an emoji on an official iPhone emoji list.

#129 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 57 POINTS / IMAGE or VIDEO. Pope St. Francis set up a laundromat to help the homeless get access to clean clothes. Follow his lead by setting up a service station to benefit the homeless or impoverished in your area (a “take what you need” public pantry, toiletries cabinet, water station, public shower, public toilet, laundry facility, open library, etc.).

#130 / PHOTO / 23 POINTS / A tactometer used to measure tact.

#131 / PHOTO / 33 POINTS / Make a collage that features things only locals from your town would know about. Display it prominently in a public space in your town.

#132 / PHOTO / 79 POINTS / Couch Surfing 2: The Revenge. Last year, in our infinite wisdom, we suggested “couch surfing: real surfing, real couch.” We quickly came to our senses and pulled the item for safety reasons, but it’s been a year and we don’t hold onto the past. Couch surfing: Let’s see it in the real surf with a BUOYANT (e.g.,inflatable) couch. You may not use a real couch as it’s too dangerous and bad for the ecosystem. Make it happen. (You may not leave any couches in any body of water and you must be super safe with this. If waves are too big, do not do it.)

#133 / PHOTO / 42 POINTS / Waste not, want not. Save every piece of non-biodegradable refuse that you would have normally thrown away from Days 1-5 of the Hunt and on day 6, use this material to create a sculpture of an endangered animal.

#134 / VIDEO / 21 POINTS / My wife is so trend-forward, she recently took a “goat yoga class” (it’s real; you can google it.) Without hurting, upsetting, or endangering ANY animal, show us the next trend in animal-infused yoga that she should get on board with.

#135 / VIDEO / 40 POINTS / THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! (Up to 30 seconds.) Freeze frame on a picture of you (like they do at the end of movies) and then roll a credit sequence for your own life. Include a "here’s what happens to you in the future" sentence or two and then a listing of the people that have helped you get where you are now or where you are going and what their “titles” are. Post this on the social media channel of your choice with the hashtags #gishwhes #mylife. Submit the video, and in the comment field provide the link to the post.

#136 / PHOTO / 29 POINTS / Often misunderstood and rarely properly pronounced, chupacabras just need a good home. Adopt one and show us your favorite bonding moment.

#137 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 51 POINTS / Take an elderly person (at least 70 years old) on a joyride in their favorite car (same make and model and vintage) from their youth. The elderly person must be at least 70 years old; the car, at least 60 years old... and you and the senior must be dressed in period attire that reflects the era when the car was manufactured.

#138 / PHOTO / 52 POINTS / Prejudice is something we can easily see and call out in others. However, we all have biases and prejudices of our own that we are often blind to. You’re going to have to dig deep here - but you’re a gisher, so we know you can do it. Show us you taking a step to overcome one of your own prejudices.

#139 / PHOTO / 61 POINTS / Each member of your team must knit or crochet one piece of a quilted throw that, when combined, showcases your team emblem or symbol.

#140 / VIDEO / 51 POINTS / Everyone talks about drum circles, but they grossly underestimate the power of other shapes. Create a complex shape with as many sides, angles or curves as you can, and demonstrate the power of percussion geometry - with as many drummers as you can drum up.

#141 / PHOTO / 42 POINTS / At least 8 people walking in twos, on the Tiger & Turtle in Duisburg, Germany as if it were an actual roller coaster. They must keep their hands up as they walk the track, except for one of the front “riders” who is clenching an invisible lap bar, terrified. It’s okay to be nauseous.

#142 / VIDEO / 80 POINTS / As all gishers know, a Gish Gallop can only be performed by a Forbes 1000 CEO in the lobby of that CEO's company’s headquarters on a hobby horse or a live pony. Caption your video with the name of the company and CEO that we are watching as they Gish Gallop. // UPDATE: CEO list changed.

#143 / PHOTO / 41 POINTS / Sure, most Stormtroopers toed the line, but back in the 1960s there were a few draft-dodging peacenik Stormtroopers. Find a famous vintage photo of a peace sit-in or Woodstock-level love-in and flawlessly photoshop in one or more Stormtroopers. We must think it’s the real thing. As an alternative, you can stage your own “peace” picture and submit an “aged” stormtrooper sit-in image. YES, YOU MAY PHOTOSHOP THIS ITEM!

#144 / VIDEO / 37 POINTS / (Up to 30 seconds.) An impromptu concert consisting of a chocalho, an apito, a reco-reco, and a pandeiro. (Bonus points if you perform in front of, or in, the Teatro Amazonas.) Oh, and of course the musicians are playing Carry On my Wayward Son by @kansasband.

#145 / PHOTO / 71 POINTS / Oversized board games are a trend, with oversized Jenga and such. Let’s see a game of tiddlywinks being played— scaled up to giant-sized.

#146 / PHOTO / 40 POINTS / Two nice suburban monster moms out for a day of shopping at Hoxton’s Monster Supplies in England.

#147 / PHOTO / 28 POINTS / Paint an extraordinary portrait of your favorite gishwhes mascot with the brand “D2N” (with the 2 backwards) on the Werregarenstraat.

#148 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 38 POINTS / Dress up as a superhero and perform acts of “kindness” heroism at Hősök tere (Hero's Square).

#149 / VIDEO / 71 POINTS / (Time-lapse up to 25 seconds.) Canada's Prime Minister Justin Trudeau gets a lot of attention for being super hot. Frankly, it's starting to detract from his ability to govern. Cool things down by making a sculpture of Trudeau out of Canada's most ample resource: ice. A couple of caveats: the frozen water you use must have something added to it to make it opaque, and inside the ice must be something emblematic of canada that doesn’t melt (for example, a hockey skate). The timelapse must be of the sculpture melting revealing the object hidden inside. Make sure to frame your shot with a fitting or neutral background so that the final product really pops.

#150 / PHOTO / 33 POINTS / Ireland has the lowest reports of UFO sightings in Europe each year. Something must be done about this! Make and display a convincing UFO in a public place in Ireland to increase the number.

#151 / PHOTO / 54 POINTS / Visit Cat Island (Tashirojima, Japan) dressed as a dog. You must have at least 10 cats in the photo.

#152 / PHOTO / 42 POINTS / Decorate the exterior of your home like the Pan House, using whatever object speaks to you.

#153 / VIDEO / 72 POINTS / Not to be quixotic, but wind power and automation are the future of personal grooming. Create a wind-powered device to automate a self-care process. Could be a wind-powered shoe shining machine, a wind-powered, toothbrush, etc. (It must actually work and must actually be powered by wind.)

#154 / PHOTO / 33 POINTS / There’s a UFO Observation Deck (redmonkeygroup.com) in Slovakia. On Sunday, August 6 at 3 PM Slovakian time, grab your friends and dress up as your interpretation of extraterrestrials and go there. Bring luggage and queue up outside of it as though you're boarding to go back home (you don’t have to enter).

#155 / PHOTO / 40 POINTS / Over the years, we’ve had menstrual-hygiene supply sculptures of everything from dinosaurs to seagulls to puppies. We’ve also gotten a lot of flak for encouraging waste, and in protest gishers have donated thousands of menstrual pads to shelters, (which actually proves that in fact we at gishwhes can do no wrong). This final year’s list wouldn’t be complete without a menstrual-hygiene sculpture, so we’re ending this by splitting the difference: Create a tiny, perfectly sculpted statue of Michelangelo’s David or another famous historic sculpture of your choosing out of a SINGLE tampon, and then donate at least 1 box of menstrual hygiene supplies to your local shelter. Submit the image of your sculpture. The donation will be on the honor system. Remember, KARMA is a bitch.

#156 / PHOTO / 71 POINTS / Sure, Misha & HRH Queen Elizabeth II had a rocky year in 2016 with their “Brexit Breakup”, but despite a brief conscious uncoupling, theirs is a love that stands the test of time. Prove it by showing us Egyptian hieroglyphics, Greek urns, or other recently-unearthed archaeological finds that prove theirs is a love that has lasted through the ages. If you’re choosing to do a hieroglyphic, you may NOT permanently deface any stone - use chalk!

#157 / PHOTO / 38 POINTS / THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! NASA is soliciting tweets to send to Voyager 1. Tweet your suggestion with #gishwhes. I suggest it be the following theme: Voyager 1 ran to the store and you are texting to remind it to pick something up at the store. But we will permit messages of any type so let your imaginations run wild. Submit a screenshot of your post. Provide a link to the tweet in the comment field of the submit page.

#158 / PHOTO / 22 POINTS / Thanks to “reactions” we can now communicate our feelings more clearly to one another! But Facebook limits us to just 6 reactions and we at gishwhes HQ believe that this limitation constraints our ability to express nuanced emotions to one another. Let’s see an updated version of the Facebook “reactions” with feelings like “silently judging you”, “reacting positively to your face but planning to gossip about this later”, and “I’m just not sure how to feel about this” and other more subtle emotions. You may photoshop this item.

#159 / PHOTO / 47 POINTS / Who said you couldn't Hunt while in hospital? Certainly not any of us! Show off your large-scale cartoon skills by writing the longest poem (or drawing the largest mural) you can, all about the adventures of a virus caught in a hospital, on a scroll made from a roll of exam table paper.

#160 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 41 POINTS / As you all know, my grandmother lives at Roland Park Place in Baltimore, MD. It’s a senior assisted-living home. She’s been hesitant to have the shenanigans of gishwhes descend, so let’s legitimize that fear... from Tuesday to Thursday 10AM to 4PM ONLY PLEASE! (DON’T SHOW UP AT ANY OTHER TIME OR IT WILL BE AN INCONVENIENCE TO THE GUESTS AT THE HOME and you will be docked points!) Let’s invade Roland Park Place literally! Show up dressed as an extraterrestrial on an interplanetary goodwill mission. Bring an offering of your home planet’s favorite treats or creature comforts (games, large print books, slippers, slip-proof socks, soft blankets, etc) and specimens of natural beauty from this planet (humans like that). You will get 25% bonus points if you perform this item at Roland Park Place (that’s the added value of nepotism), but you can get full credit if you perform this item at any retirement home/assisted living facility.

#161 / PHOTO / 87 POINTS / David LaChapelle is a renowned experimental photographer known for his kitsch-pop surrealist style. Recreate a well-known painting as a photograph in the style of David LaChappelle. Somewhere in your image there must be a banana, and you may not depict The Last Supper. (2X Bonus: get Dave Chappelle to star in your David LaChapelle homage.)

#162 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 33 POINTS / Lube luge. That's it. That's the item.

#163 / PHOTO / 60 POINTS / This Hunt’s must-have fashion trend: an aquarium hat with live fish. The aquarium hat must not endanger the live fish in any way.

#164 / PHOTO / 62 POINTS / DELETED FOR REASONS // ORIGINAL: Get a bonafide zillow listing for property on Mars.

#165 / PHOTO / 28 POINTS / https://twitter.com/zenxv/status/845474882607632384

#166 / VIDEO / 38 POINTS / (Time-lapse up to 30 seconds.) Follow a tomato back in time from the local co-op to where the farmer grew it. Thank them for their service by sharing a sandwich with them… one that has slices of that tomato in it.

#167 / VIDEO / 29 POINTS / (Time-lapse up to 20 seconds.) There are two things that science has proven unequivocally: 1) global warming is happening and 2) sucking the melting ice cream from a tiny hole in the bottom of a sugar cone is the greatest possible pleasure in life. (Minimum 5 rounded scoops on top and you must suck all the ice cream through the tiny hole.)

#168 / PHOTO / 66 POINTS / When the apocalypse comes and the power goes out you are going to be sorry you are so digitally-dependent! Have your social media page printed on microfiche… just in case.

#169 / PHOTO / 27 POINTS / Write "Ass butt" (in non-toxic kids finger paint or chalk!) on the hindquarters of an Ass. (This should go without saying, but be careful & safe. Approach from the side, never stand directly behind it, and try to keep the donkey happy so you don't get injured.)

#170 / VIDEO / 88 POINTS / Angels may be all-powerful, but they’re luddites (technologically behind the times) and it affects their productivity in the office. Let’s see an angel writing something on an old-school mechanical typewriter (not electric) featuring a working Enochian keyboard. (The keys and keystrokes must correspond to actual Enochian typeface.)

#171 / PHOTO / 41 POINTS / A stump grinder with a unicorn decal, with a child no more than 7 years old wearing a pink princess costume in the driver’s seat. // // UPDATE: Machine should not be operational during photo op. / AMENDED ITEM: A stump grinder with a unicorn decal, being pushed by a child no more than 7 years old wearing a pink princess costume. (Edited because Misha is not much into stump-grinding and thought a stump grinder was something else.) It should go without saying, but this is a photo op. The stump grinder should not be on or operational. Safety first!

#172 / PHOTO / 32 POINTS / Now that this may be the last gishwhes-as-we-know-it ever, it’s time to reflect on missed opportunities. Let’s see the Item List Misha SHOULD have made all these years. Give us your team’s ideal gishwhes Item List with a minimum of 10 Items. If the majority of the items you create look like no thought was put into them (and you were just quickly writing down items to get the points), you will receive zero points.

#173 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 55 POINTS / Complete one of the more challenging items on your team’s homemade gishwhes Item List.

#174 / PHOTO / 33 POINTS / DELETED FOR REASONS // ORIGINAL: An Airbnb listing for the gishbus.

#175 / PHOTO / 36 POINTS / Everyone knows “high noon” means “high tea”. Bring a little bit of civilization to the frontier with Wild West teacup and saucer holsters.

#176 / PHOTO / 33 POINTS / For our gish cousins in the antipodes where the days are short and the nights are cold: Establish a “TLC” station at Federation Square, opposite Flinders Street Station in Melbourne or on the steps of the Opera House in Sydney, and provide a little warmth – be it a coffee, a heat pack, or simply a smile – for those making their journey to work on the cold winter mornings. // UPDATE: Melbourne TLC location changed. (Original said “Establish a “TLC” station under the iconic clocks at Flinders Street Station in Melbourne”.)

#177 / PHOTO / 44 POINTS / A Scottish terrier in a Scottish kilt eating a scotch egg in front of an Irish monument.

#178 / PHOTO / 54 POINTS / The Prague Astronomical Clock – or Prague orloj – is the third oldest astronomical clock in the world, and the oldest one still operating. But imagine if this feat of mechanical engineering did more than mark the passage of time... Imagine it could actually take you back in time! Gather your teammates, friends, and family members together and show us the time period you would travel back to if this historic clock warped the time continuum. Note: You and your time-travelling companions must be pictured in front of the clock.

#179 / VIDEO / 36 POINTS / (Up to 45 seconds edited.) Share an audio dream diary of your first thoughts as you wake up every morning of the Hunt (so you cannot submit this until the last day of the Hunt!). It must be the first thing you do before you get out of bed.

#180 / VIDEO / 111 POINTS / (Up to 30 seconds.) Cinema has evolved, but some actors don’t. Let’s see a silent film actress against a 1920’s style black-and-white-set. The actor/actress must have exaggerated facial expressions and the score must be nickelodeon-style piano music. Suddenly, the music changes… It's hip hop and modern technology comes in with color and sync sound, but she's still black and white and still mouthing words with title card.

#181 / PHOTO / 87 POINTS / THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! Let’s see a (SFW) 2,000 word essay published on twitter in 140 character bursts. (no attachments, etc.) about the best way to get pregnant for the 10th time. (I’m sorry, but I promised someone this would be an item.) Submit an image of the first post and then a link to this post in the COMMENT field of the submit page so we can check to make sure you “published” the whole thing.

#182 / PHOTO / 53 POINTS / THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! Seamlessly modify using photoshop (or other digital altering software), a well-know oil painting by adding in an anachronistic element. For example, if it were a Monet, you might put one of the ladies under a parasol holding an ipad. YES, YOU MAY DIGITALLY ALTER THE IMAGE YOU ARE SUBMITTING… with a catch. The anachronistic element must be rendered seamlessly into the image in the style of the original painter or creator. It must look like a part of the original composition; we should not be able to tell it was added in later. Post the image on FB and/or Pinterest. Submit the image you take on our site, but provide the link to your social media post in the comment field of the submit page. #gishwhesModernMasterpiece

#183 / PHOTO / 53 POINTS / You are all soon going to be a part of a sinister plot to take over the world… in a unique way. But we need your help. Here’s the first thing you have to do: Decide what your favorite point of interest, historical site or national landmark is in your town or city and enter its address here: http://qrickit.com/qrickit_apps/qrickit_qrcode_creator_geo.php . Below the map on that webpage you’ll see an “optional text” field. Enter “Taken by CFG”. Then click “Qcreate” at the bottom. Download the QR code and submit it as your item. Stay tuned for what comes next...

#184 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 92 POINTS / (Up to 30 seconds if video.) Last year, we helped people around the world get access to clean water. But it's been a year and the problem certainly hasn't gone away. In fact, as global temperatures rise, the problem is only going to intensify. Work with your team to create a realistic (not a joke or parody) schematic or prototype of an easy-to-set up portable personal AWG (atmospheric water generator) system that could be used anywhere in the world. It must be cheap to build (aim for less than $10) with parts that can be found in any hardware store. It must be compact & light enough for a nomadic or homeless individual to carry around. Ideally, it would collect enough water in a day to sustain someone for that day.

#185 / PHOTO / 48 POINTS / Hug a national forest! Grab as many friends as you can and go to your favorite national forest or park and be tree huggers. Set the camera up so we can see all the tree hugging action clearly.

#186 / PHOTO / 46 POINTS / One of the biggest problems astronauts will face when they travel to Mars will be figuring out how to bring enough food for the three year journey. Porcupanda has offered the idea of making their spacecraft out of food. Show them how. Build an edible spacecraft using anything except “space ice cream” (Per our resident Director of Intergalactic Space Exploration, that stuff tastes like strawberry Styrofoam: “Bleecht!” as he so eloquently put it.)

#187 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 51 POINTS / Every year, the scientists at the NASA Jet Propulsion Lab make spectacular pumpkin carvings that put our humble Halloween jack-o-lanterns to shame (see https://www.wired.com/2016/10/watch-nasas-high-tech-pumpkins-action/). Whatever. What’s a rocket scientist got that you don’t have? Let’s see you out-do them! Show us your best and most outlandish WATERMELON-O-LANTERN carving. - Dave Lavery // UPDATE: Now PHOTO OR VIDEO submissions will be accepted.

#188 / PHOTO / 28 POINTS / For many years, military aircraft sported spectacular “nose art”— artistic homages to people, places, and ideas important to the aircraft crew. As aesthetically appealing as aircraft nose art may have been, we think they botched it on the choice of canvas. Show us your best nose art - but this time, get it right! All art must be on, around, or incorporate, your nose.

#189 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 32 POINTS / The World’s Worst Lawyer.

#190 / PHOTO / 51 POINTS / Oranges are the new black! Let’s see your most a-peeling cocktail dress all made out of - you guessed it - orange peels. Pose in a crowded urban bar.

#191 / VIDEO / 72 POINTS / (Up to 30 seconds time-lapsed and/or edited.) You didn’t think we were going to let all those oranges go to waste, did you? Wall Drugs has signs announcing Wall Drugs locations hundreds of miles before you get to the store, so drivers get to anticipate the goodness coming. Place signs along 5 miles of road leading up to an orange juice stand that speaks hyperbolically of the life-changing rejuvenation of the coming refreshment with a countdown of the miles. You must have a sign at least every quarter of a mile along the path. If this is insurmountable to you, at the very least, host a freshly-squeezed orange juice party in your backyard for all of your neighbors. You won’t get points for that, but you’ll use the juice and make some friends.

#192 / VIDEO / 47 POINTS / (Time lapse up to 25 seconds). In our busy world, people sometimes forget to slow down and see the beauty around them. Perform a task at work extremely slowly while everyone around you carries on at normal speed. When this is played back in in time lapse, you’re performing at normal speed and it’s the world around you that’s going too fast.

#193 / PHOTO / 10 POINTS / The Riemann hypothesis of mathematics includes the Riemann zeta function, which categorizes some zeros as “non-trivial zeros" and others as "trivial zeros." We think this unequal treatment of zeros, which are clearly all equal, is just wrong! Hold a protest in front of a university mathematics or computer science building with a sign that says something to the effect of "ALL ZEROS ARE EQUAL" or "NO ZEROS ARE TRIVIAL!"

#194 / PHOTO / 67 POINTS / Do you spend too much time indoors while you GISH? It’s time to get outside! Dust off your bicycle, grab a friend or two and go out and ride a 50-mile bike ride (this can be done over the entire period of the Hunt and may be done either on a long road trip somewhere or in different round trip legs to and from your house)! You must track your progress on a GPS drawing app. (Bonus points if you draw a picture of a gishwhes mascot with your path.) Oh, by the way - you need to be wearing part of a pineapple or banana (in some fashion) while you ride. Submit an image of your GPS drawing. Yes, it would be easy to cheat on this item, but let’s all take the high road and practice honesty on this one.

#195 / VIDEO / 235 POINTS / (This video can be as long as it takes to do the job, but we hope the job goes quickly and it is gobbled up fast so the video is short!) Using a steel shredder, shred a decommissioned bus. It must be a full sized bus with at least 10 rows. It may be a school bus or a municipal bus. It may not be a VW MiniBus; it must have been built to seat at least 30. Paint a message that conveys the fact that gishwhes recycled becomes CFG (we’ll explain later). For example, you could write: “Recycled gishwhes = CFG" in large font the side of the bus. Feel free to word this differently, but convey that message. The bigger the bus the better. Oh and paint the windows of the bus to show it’s passengers. (Obviously no living being is in the bus.) Although you should upload a video as your submission, be sure to take pictures of the event in case we need those for the coffee table book (we’ll email you for them).

#196 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 62 POINTS / THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! THIS IS A TOP SECRET ITEM! DO NOT SHARE ITS CONTENT ON SOCIAL MEDIA UNTIL DIRECTED OR YOU WILL RUIN THE SURPRISE AND BE DELUGED WITH BAD KARMA. By now, most of you may know our friend Giles Duley. If not, watch the video at the top of this page. Then, watch here to see what he did with us recently: https://youtu.be/-tOt9LfZF9w ...and he’s doing something amazing with us again with us this year (which we’ll be announcing VERY soon). Giles inspires us and we want to thank him for all of his hard (and often thankless) work. So, we’re going to thank him... BUT WE’RE GOING TO SURPRISE HIM! SO PLEASE, PLEASE DO NOT POST ABOUT THIS UNTIL THE DESIGNATED TIME: On Friday, August 11th, at EXACTLY 9am PDT, we are going to give him a “thunderclap” of thanks on the Internet. Because Giles thinks EVERYONE can make a difference no matter their circumstances (and he’s a living embodiment of that), we’re going to prove it. Here’s your job: before the 11th, go out and do an act of kindness. But not just any act of kindness... Giles works hard to help refugee families and landmine victims, so your act of kindness should focus on expanding his work exponentially through the power of gishwhes and gishers. Do something that makes a meaningful, material difference in the life of either a refugee or someone who has been directly impacted by war. If you’re at a loss of how to do this, here are some suggestions: bring a care package to new refugees in your neighborhood, go to a refugee center and volunteer, bring a warm meal to a homeless veteran on the streets, volunteer at a soup kitchen where you know there are war veterans, make a donation to an organization that helps with reconstructive surgery and prosthetics for war victims, or sponsor a child made homeless by the war with a one-time or recurring donation. If you can’t manage to find or coordinate any of the above (but please try!), simply carry out a random act of kindness for another human being on the planet who could legitimately use some kindness. Dig deep on this one, guys. The goal is to cause a ripple effect from the work Giles is doing and expand it worldwide. Let's do this. Capture an image or video of this act. At 9am PDT on Friday, August 11th, post the image or video on Facebook with a detailed description of what you did and crosspost to Twitter. Be sure to mention Giles in the post. (For Facebook, tag @GilesDuleyPhotography and on Twitter, tag @gilesduley with #thanksGiles as the hashtag.) Submit the image or video you take on our site, but provide the link to your social media post link in the comment field of the submit page.

#197 / VIDEO / 24 POINTS / Play a few bars of a well-known tune on a well-known musical instrument—but not in the well-known manner. Play a cello tucked under your chin, a saxophone with mallets, or piano as a string instrument with a bow, that sort of thing. The more unexpected the utilization, the more points. -David Pogue

#198 / PHOTO / 108 POINTS / CHANGE A LIFE. "It gives me hope. I feel special when I'm doing it. If something bad happens to me, all I have to do is dance..." -Timarandarin (14 years old) / Last year gishwhes worked with the charity Random Acts and Giles Duley’s Legacy of War to forever change the lives of three refugee families by raising over $250,000 in just a few days. Anybody who has seen these families' smiles will know what an incredible impact we had working together. / This year, we are teaming up with Random Acts and Legacy of War again to grant the last wish of a dying woman, and in doing so, we will save the dreams of hundreds of children who live in some of the world's poorest conditions. / Fiona Sargeant, a former ballet dancer from England, founded and runs a ballet school in an impoverished township in South Africa that for years has provided ballet instruction, meals, education, safe refuge and ultimately hope for hundreds of children. She is not a doctor, nor running a large foundation or charity, but she does know how to dance and she wanted to give back to the world. She is the living proof that EVERYONE can make a difference, if their heart is behind what they’re doing. / Sadly, Fiona has terminal cancer and only has weeks to live. Once she passes, she expects the school to be shut down. But there is a plan in motion that, if funded, would carry on her legacy. Let’s grant her dying wish and BY THE END OF THE HUNT let her know that her children will be taken care of long after she is gone. / She has no idea we are going to do this! We are going to surprise her with this colossal random act of kindness at the end of the Hunt! / We’ve created a Crowdrise page here that tells her story. DONATIONS ARE 100% TAX DEDUCTIBLE AND 100% OF THE DONATIONS GO TO THE SCHOOL (for countries other than U.S., deductions are contingent on your laws). The Gishwhes Item here: create a fundraising “page” for your team on Crowdrise where family, friends and others can donate. Since this is Gishwhes and there’s always an extra twist with everything we do, here’s the deal: we also want you to get OTHERS to donate to your team’s Crowdrise page. We know you don’t need “points” as an incentive to help these kids, but since it is part of the Hunt, we want to maximize the power of these points to help. / Here’s your assignment: start a page and get at least 10 donations from people or businesses NOT on your team. You and your team members are welcome to donate to your campaign, but that is not a requirement for points— the Item requirement is to get at least 10 people to make a cumulative total of least 10 donations who are NOT on your team. There is no minimum amount to donate for GISHWHES purposes, but Crowdrise does require a minimum $10 donation be collected, and let’s all please encourage others to be generous above this so we can make a profound impact. SUBMIT a screenshot of your team’s page with a minimum of 10 donations on it. (To initially create a fundraising team, click the “Join the Team & Create Your Own Fundraiser“ button.) // UPDATE: You reached the goal of $150,000 in just TWO DAYS. Now we need to make it to $200,000… If we can do THAT, we will be able to fund multiple scholarships for the students, allowing them to travel to other countries to train, compete, and take their experiences and skills back to South Africa! If anyone can make it happen, it’s the gishwhes family… So let’s do this & make some dreams come true!

#199 / PHOTO / 44 POINTS / Breaker, breaker! Tune in for details: CB Channel 27 (Frequency 27.27500) broadcasting near Lacy Park, San Marino, CA. (Latitude: 34.1204167 Longitude: -118.1201348) DATE & TIME: 8/7 12 PM PDT & 4:30PM PDT or 8/9 9 AM PDT. Listen on Broadcast CB CHANNEL 32 (Frequency 27.32500) broadcasting near Hermann Park Conservancy, Houston TX (Latitude: 29.7160286 Longitude: -95.3886413) DATE & TIME: 8/11 NOON CT

#200 / PHOTO / 72 POINTS / THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! She should run! First, research upcoming local, state, and federal elections in your area. Second, nominate, via social media posts, qualified female citizens you think should run for specific elected offices in those upcoming elections based on their qualifications and/or passion. Make a post on any or all of your social media handles, tag them (so they see it!), and explain why you want them to run, using the hashtag#SheShouldRun. But your nomination post is not what you submit on our site! IF you manage to get a woman to publicly commit to running in the next election cycle this week via their social media, submit two images side-by-side: an image of your post “nominating” them to run, next to an screenshot of their social media post committing to run, and provide a link to their post in the comments field of the submit page. Note: Candidate must not have already announced their intent to run for office. We have assigned a special prosecutor to scour the internet for your candidate’s previous declarations of intent-to-run and will vet them.

#201 / PHOTO / 61 POINTS / Outside US: 00-1-323-645-0703 Within US: (323) 645-0703

#202 / PHOTO / 46 POINTS / A gisher wrote me recently stating, “I started gishwhes in 2015 myself and my children all joined in and had the best week of our lives, so much fun, so much love, so much laughter. In December 2015 I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer… But I didn't let it beat me. We signed up for gishwhes 2016 and made beautiful art together and performed many acts of kindness to those around us and in need, my children now 10 & 8 have those lessons in their hearts now, to spread kindness and love to all around them! Unfortunately I am too sick to participate this year, but hope to still be here to see all the wonderful creations everyone makes, and if I'm not still here when gishwhes starts I will be watching down on you all, cheering everyone on.” Obviously, I cried when I read that. We emailed her back, but haven’t heard back… So this one's for you, S. (and your kids), with love from me & everyone in the gishwhes family: Find a local hospital or cancer center and coordinate with them to deliver a comfort bag(s) to a patient. Fill a cheerfully decorated canvas or cloth bag with items to provide palliative relief and comfort to a cancer patient: soft eye masks, scarves, a soft blanket, socks, ginger tea or candy, unscented natural lip balm, sudoku or coloring books, puzzles, poems, etc. Include a note of support or encouragement if you wish. (Please don't say "get well soon.” Phrasing like, "we're sending you our love" is better.) Please do not take a picture with the recipient... Just the bag. We trust you to deliver.

#203 / PHOTO / 40 POINTS / THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! Bearby Von Bearamucci has an interview for a position as White House Communications Director on Saturday, August 12th at 8pm ET sharp! He was all set to drive the Gishbus across the country, but its engine wouldn’t start and he has a terrible fear of flying. He’s counting on gishers to help get him from Redding, California to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington, DC before his appointment (by passenger car or truck only. NO PLANES, TRAINS, SHIPPING SERVICES, OR BUSES). Your instructions are here. Coordinate with other gishers to pick up Bearby and take him at least 5 miles, but no more than 100 miles, from your starting point. On your leg of the journey, post a pic of you, Bearby, and the gisher you’re handing him off to at a diner, rest stop, or point of interest (please geo-tag the location). Tag @gishwhes, the next gisher, and @BearbyVonB and use hashtag #GetTheBearThere. You MUST hand Bearby off to the next gisher to complete your Item or you get zero points. Submit your photo with Bearby to us and provide a link to your post in the comments field of the submit page. You will get 40 points if you take a picture with Bearby and a sign with your team name on it, or 60 points if you take a photo with Bearby and transport him (please include side-by-side image of the map points as well). If he makes it to his appointment at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue in D.C. by 8 PM ET on August 12th, you will get an additional 50% in points (for a grand total of 60 points for photo only, 90 points for photo + transportation). Yes, we know how convoluted this item is and that it seems destined for failure— but I believe you’ll spit in failure’s eye and say, “Not today!” Sidebar: gishwhes HQ nearly came to blows as we debated over whether providing maps and tools to help facilitate your journey was “helping” and therefore “cheating”, but after a rousing bout of coleslaw-wrestling, “Team Give Them Maps” claimed creamy victory, and so you may use these resources to help you coordinate the journey. But feel free to ignore the map entirely. Because you’re better than that. IMPORTANT NOTES: 1. Members of the same team cannot collect multiple submissions for this item. 2. Make sure other teams get the chance to help Bearby! Yes, this means you can communicate and walk the line of “collaboration” in your hand-off attempts. 3. Individuals transporting Bearby must take him at least 5 miles or up to 100 miles in one trip. 4. You may NOT take him near your homes. We have a GPS locator on Bearby (due to past felonies) so we don’t want to compromise your home locations. 5. Do not exceed the speed limit by more than 5 miles per hour, because that’s what the cops are cool with, obviously. This isn’t Cannonball Run. Make it happen, gishers. Bearby is counting on you to help him land his dream job! // UPDATE: Mileage limit increased from 50 to 100 mile trip.

#204 / PHOTO / 40 POINTS / Escape Gishwhes! https://www.gishwhes.com/escape-room/. If you manage to break out of this wild ride of mystery and mayhem, you’ll be prompted to enter your Team Name to document your success via an online form. BEFORE YOU HIT THE SUBMIT BUTTON, take a screenshot showing your team name in the Text Input Field and save the image, THEN hit the SUBMIT button. Your submission will be uploading the screenshot on our item list (backed up by what the online form sends gishbot).

#205 / PHOTO / 28 POINTS / We've received a bit of criticism that the hunt is "not really a scavenger hunt, it's just Misha getting people to help him with his chores." I'm honestly shocked anyone would say that! Also, people have been complaining that there are "too many geographically specific items" (items that require you to show up at a certain place). I want you to know that I'm listening and processing your feedback! So, I'm adding the following item: Help me help you help me help myself. Show up at 10 AM PDT sharp on August 11th at this location in Bellingham, WA. Wear long sleeves (pants and shirt) and bring a small bucket. Pick at least ONE quart of blackberries and DEPOSIT them into my big vessel so I can make lots of jam. For the item submission you must do two things: 1) You must find the woman in the sock monkey hat with the sheet of paper who is taking down team names and 2) You must take a photo of yourself with your bucket of berries. We will cross-check our list with your submitted photo as your proof. No taking pictures with me, because last year we did that and it ended up taking forever. If no one one on your team lives nearby, you may assign a surrogate, but no surrogate may service more than one team.

#206 / PHOTO / 17 POINTS / We got this letter to our support gnomes:

Name: [REDACTED]

Message : Hello Gishpeople. I want to question why there are so many specific-locations-that-aren't-Sweden only items, and no Sweden only items. I speak for all Swedes when we say that we find this very saddening. We don't understand how you could miss out on an opportunity like this, since Sweden is a very beautiful country, containting great things such as Dalahästar.

We, as a nation, expect a formal apology for this, of course.

All our love, and some sad wonders,

[REDACTED]

Sweden, you're absolutely right! You are a beautiful country and it's time we stopped overlooking you. You deserve a formal apology as requested and so in the interest of international diplomacy, it's our duty to deliver and rectify this egregious oversight. With that in mind, (I hope you'll forgive me but this is a location-specific image to appease Sweden, guys): Take a picture of yourself in front of the biggest landmark or point of interest in your town while holding a beautiful hand-lettered sign that reads, "We Are Sorry, Sweden". This is a location-based item, so you may do this anywhere in the world... except Sweden.

#207 / PHOTO / 48 POINTS / Nothing says "good life choices" like a last-minute rush job tattoo. Get inked with a tattoo that includes "We create therefore we live" or another gishy quote written in any language other than English. Feel free to adorn it with mascots or other hunt-inspired iconography. PS: Don't try to repurpose an old tattoo— we'll be able to tell and your team will be docked points.

#208 / PHOTO / 18 POINTS / As you know, no one was able to successfully find Jared Padalecki or Jensen Ackles' balls in Canada. Misha's balls are a lot easier to find... maybe because they really get around. Find Misha's balls in any of the following locations & take a picture with them. Then put them back EXACTLY where you found them so another team can have a chance to get their hands on Misha's balls, too. LOCATIONS: near the Cathedral Basilica, Newark, NJ; outside Gatorland, Orlando, FL, near Rothko Chapel in Houston, Texas.

#209 / PHOTO / 77 POINTS / Gishwhes is over tonight! Forever! The crumbs of the great multi-year, wild and weird global feast are soon to be all that's left. Let's see you work magic on these crumbs (real bread crumbs or whatever other crumbs you wish to use) and turn them into a portrait of actor Misha Collins. -the Gish Gnomes

#gishwhes #gish #gishwhes list of items #gish list of items #Misha Collins #gishwhes 2017 #gishwhes item list #post of postiness

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the-firebird69 · 3 years

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Recommend you shut up you two snot nose kids if you don't you're done and you're not so I'm sending people will get to the bottom of your plan it's in the last two idiots it's good deception I've heard it works and he says it works cuz you people are dumb.

Now we are in a position to send him something and yes it's his batteries amazed yes amazed not really not many are usually a whole bunch of people start working to get it to him off and on and as is the case now and we're sending it as soon as we can because a whole bunch of people are crabbing here about him being able to go somewhere and we're starting to get a little nervous because they're a bunch of assholes about it I'm going to fix their wagon even though they are snappy about getting the two inner tubes and other things to him which doesn't make sense they're sitting there saying we're going to keep him here and put him in prison like his brother and all this other stuff you can buy and grab them we'd like to grab all of them so the battery is here we can do that we can take a nice trip and punta Gorda or something in and comes back and clean them out it's a way to do it a whole bunch of times in a week so sick of you people a bunch of jackasses and do it anyways when you go up there to the Winn-Dixie.

It is moving and we saw the movie and several times too it's gone from where it started to a distribution facility for Amazon and it's gone to a smaller shop in the Amazon and it's prepping to go to the Post office this time and it's moving because he got up in the horn this morning and he pointed out with a worm stuff is and that's one of the last post you put up was about dune and we're going to go to nuts probably trying to get that really going it's absolutely miserable in California but the Chinese are pouring in and that's a relief and they find that this warm stuff is a relief although it's a hazard because the idiots are so hot. Mean tempered their woman too and they're ugly a sin as these alien Nation people they look pretty bad already in this makes it look terrible so they keep on yelling at their husbands which one now that's what the husband's don't care that much because they're kind of idiots and sick pigs. So it loaded up with tons of corky and they're all going at it finding it and refining it and they're mining it pretty soon they can be dying in it and it's still going to be grabbing it because there's tons of it all over the place actually it's a huge mining operation going on gigantic machines gigantic piles of idiots tons of them just eating it and they die pretty quick and then they throw them into the hole and it's going to create a vortex shortly you're not smart enough not to and they're all looking as weird but they're the ones who the problem so Chinese pouring pretty soon they're going to pour themselves into the hole and be over.

You can hear all sorts of things happening over here some people are whining and complaining and dying from all sorts of things that they've been fester and they're getting weaker and weaker. Foreigners are pouring in and they're helping him and they're trying to get him the battery and they got on the wheel and the motor and it's impressive because it came right away and it was inexpensive and it looks like decent quality and weighs a lot and he knows it's powerful because of the weight and it needs it to be powerful because he's big and heavy and things are starting to work in that department where he's getting stronger and the actual muscle is forming and he feels a little better because of it nothing foreigners have to work pretty hard these people keep pouring in so we have a program and it's up and running and the ships are falling down and it's nice.

I'm avoiding the lawsuit talk because it's kind of going crampily it's slow and it's difficult and there aren't many advances made on a day to day basis. But we have some we won one lawsuit and it's going through and we're also defeating bja on all of his lawsuits and tons of people want to give us money because we won the lawsuits and they explain it'll attract them to him and that's what BJ wants but he can't do it because he's some sort of invalid and we're not so sure it's the best thing to do because he's such a pain it does keep Max away from him so he's saying to try a small one and probably just end up wiping BJ's people out but they're getting his stuff and then do a few and meter them and Thor's approved that we test it so we're going to go ahead and do that this bja was sitting there stealing all sorts of stuff and max were having them to take stuff from bja ideas and concepts and inventions and personal things.

He's very pleased and tells me yes what cash and doesn't really think he's serious about it because they'll never be able to get it to him until a lot more than are done and it's absolutely true and Ken is asking too he's making fun of ken is finger and he's jumping and he felt bad because it's kind of like Dad and some ways not that harmful so we asked him how and he says how and you say well it worked once but we really don't want to do that and this is okay accidents and terrible a waste of time so he says I'd rather do something else other than the cash in the bar thing and we say it's not really you doing it it seems like you're behind him and you're supposed to find out what it is you enter and everybody looks at you and you're separate at that point but maybe you go there a little and maybe two or three times to have a little dual get out of town and he says that sounds right and it does sound right that I'm there singing cuz a lot of bands are going up there and it's possibly going to be these two owning it and they would do something like that and it sounds like them and then they would be paying the price and they don't know it cuz they're arrogant I guess they are let me think you would hire me somehow and people would seek it whatever it would be and basically I wouldn't believe it so much so that hardly anybody would bother me and it might be just now so it's a ruse. Because I say I caused him harm and all the stuff and it's like it's just a matter of time you sitting here if you assholes forced to get every day and I'm sweating up to figure out one and two they don't care of course and they swear revenge and so forth so they're seeking away to try and own that place in Sarasota and as a dealership and they think they found it and it turned it over from a hard knock certified dealership to a Hard knock assembler dealer and that's what they want to do we say you can't do it there because that's a certified Hard knock facility can you be like riding their wings and they say that's why I said that's why so knows the deal on that put it somewhere else like they did with this Italian place and they do with Publix one exit down it's the same thing and they laughed and said okay you know where the idiot broke all those trucks with an excavator and start laughing and said well that might be the next one and get the health people out of there. So what's going on too it's a lot of work it takes forever and we've got his bike under wraps and it's off of the Woody harrelson shortly first the Nimrod there Peter the Great is going to drive around San Francisco and he says is it really necessary for it to go into is it necessary for it to touch the street to be in that air and we say well maybe you're helping it but not really necessary I feel bad for it I don't know if I want to touch it after it's been there and we're laughing because it's almost the worst thing you can say but it's not the worst actually Christopher Watkins been there you should probably go back now I'm starting to laugh mostly been there you can stay there

And it wants a bigger things and I'm suing all sorts of businesses for all sorts of people of ours and we're using demons to do it and we're bringing them to their knees and we're taking over businesses every day tons of them all over the world meet people are caving in and we're keeping the economy going and we're keeping businesses going and we're keeping the world turning just as we should it was showing up and suing you for things that you're doing here too and we're getting your money and we're getting your stuff because we're doing childish evil mean things and we're putting you in jail and we're terminating you as well all of that's happening to you here whether you think it is or not

Bitol and Goddess Wife

And we appreciate all your work and he's thinking it and I'm saying it and I'm sending you a gift package of sim stuff to where you are and it's going to include some things that you really want and I know what they are because I started to try and figure it out and I asked your Goddess Wife and she's listed off a few things and I'm acting like Santa Claus he says but no this is serious and we're going to thank you.

Hera Zues

I snivke say let me go and say no I can't it's not that bad is it I say it is it's horrible it's terrible I'm going to do the job and I'm doing okay and we're going along and making sure it gets done and you're right this is the best training I could ever get but it's also torture and you say it's going to be torture for everyone and you've reached that and you're getting help for yourself and then I needed cuz I was being tortured the same way you are and I'm not restricted down telling people of ours because that's horrible you two have gone through this is terrible this is the worst thing I've ever seen I'm going to hit you people that's what they need he says. Now I won't go ever but he knows what I'm saying it's terrible here and people are horrific beings you're not human anymore and he's right you cash it all in to get a high and most of the math is reverse and it will work if you use it and we are using it we've got tons of shows coming up in my area is starting to look up we got huge amounts of things going on and we've got the worm and it's kind of my stuff too because age is just full of worms and he says it's not his stuff but he's like a worm expert so he's full of crap he worms his way into practically everything you're doing just like Kingsley. And he was so cute when he's driving down he warmed his way through there like 10 times finally laid down like you wanted then put his hand on the gear shifter and started throwing it neutral every so often they said you stay over there you got real mad at him try to put his butt on it and he had the force him to not do that funny he showed it to him he said no this is dangerous very bad and he made the engine rev and he goes oh so he understood it he's looking around he says it's okay I had a good time like two guys he says that's what he wants to do and be free and be free with Hera who's much more than Kingsley of course so comparison but he's a friend I want to see your abuse him and we go after you. We now turn our sites on you and we're starting to issue more lawsuits and we're gaining ground and we're winning he's got a whole list of things you want me to do and I'm doing it and he's got a list of lawsuits and class actions and we're launching them and one of them is risperdal and you just mentioned and he wants to start winning lawsuits because he has nothing and he can't count on money here because you guys are a bunch of assholes and always try and cut it off and we have to have redundancy and we're going to call his people cuz he says they're redundancy fanatics and saved humanity with it as a matter of fact cuz he made a foundation of redundant things and Thor Freya knows about it he was doing it too. Thank you sir and he said thank you because Hera stopped him from talking bad to Freya. And we do have a class action suit about risperdal and ask Ken if he wants to sign up on it and kind of like how do I do that and it's like you're off and your other persona or something and you sign on is you and talking to the same or some something like that that's about a million ways to do it and only a few ways not to he's so slow and said yeah it's probably true so he wants to do that cuz he hates them and you need to suffer and there's a lot of them it says they change the name and it's all over and he wants to sue Prilosec too as our son does so I'm going to present those lawsuits because they're huge ongoing and successful and people win him all the time and it might actually call in some of the lawyers at one of them already include a group on there if there's well you too and we're going to start working on that right away cuz we need to do that and we need to get into pharmaceuticals more I'm getting the green light and I'm getting some teams they're coming in and we're going to organize it

It's very productive meeting and he agrees and he's done business with us I guess since he was born and she has as well.

And I'm not just a she of Hera. It takes time and he's right these people keep interrupting him and messing around with him and ruining his day all that took time from us he kept telling us and we're working on it but it's something we have to get on

She says Hera that is

Bitol and Goddess Wife

0 notes

mrevaunit42 · 7 years

Text

Wasteland Adventures (post apocalypse au)

hello everyone, Mr.E here with another story because I like writing. haha it’s late so i will make this very quick.

I wanted to write an xcom style story but I wasn’t really feeling it at the moment though I am excited for Xcom 2′s new dlc coming out soon. So excited. So I thought I’d write a sort of post apocalyptic story fusing some xcom with another source of inspiration i found on this site. I saw this awesome series of artwork from somebody (and I am so mad I can’t remember who) about Star and Marco in a post apocalypse setting. Star was riding a bike, Marco had a mechanical arm, the main threat was robots. all that jazz and i drew inspiration from those two sources so if anyone could let me know who the artist was, i would greatly appreciate it.

So the story: Advent, alien invaders from another planet, have made a begrudging peace with Earth. In exchange for signing the truce, they demanded certain areas of the planet belong exclusively to them and some human be given the choice of living in their cities. Star lives in the wastelands that formed after the Advent cities were created. However, supplies are low and Star finds herself searching inside the one place her mother told her never to venture: The forgotten ruins of an old human city.

Honestly that’s all background i needed to set up and i do explain in the story. The main threat of the story and Advent are from Xcom 2 but dont serve too much of a purpose aside for the reason the land is basically a wasteland.

A little word of warning, this story is a little more serious at first and a little darker but given the setting, that’s a given. Everyone is about 16 years old.

Well i hope you have an amazing week. thank you for everything and i Hope you enjoy this little experiment!

notification squad: @hipster-rapunzel @artgirllullaby @minthia-ren @thefandombytes @nerdymetalhead @isolated-frequencies

Star wiped the sweat off her brow as she took a deep, calming breath.

She lived in the wasteland her entire life, scavenging a meager existence that was fraught with danger and lawlessness but free of the paralyzingly, restrictive control of the Advent.

No one in living memory knew when exactly the invaders came to planet Earth but the shadow of the past had clouded Star's present for as long as she could remember.

Humanity to date has never lost an intergalactic war with another planet. They, however, didn't win either. In lieu of a true and lasting peace between the warring factions, there was a tense ceasefire that could dissolve at any moment with the slightest misstep from either side.

The Aliens, or Advent as they referred to themselves as, had only 2 demands before signing the peace treaty: a list of 7 or so oddly specific locations around the world and that humanity be given the option to live among them in what they mockingly called Community Centers.

Star frowned as she gazed upon Sector Double Zero, the largest Community Center Advent had ever created. It encompassed the horizon like an endless ocean and was constructed with cold, sleek colored metals that possessed a slight human familiarity that was buried under elegant and strange alien designs.

Community Centers were the pinnacle of technology and far suppressed anything made by human hands. Supposedly the people who decided to willingly live within these 'cities' were well taken care of and had their every whim carter to.

Star didn't trust Advent and she sure has hell didn't trust their CC's. A shiver ran down her spine every time she thought about it and her deeply honed instincts told screamed at her to avoid them at all cost. That deep within those enclosed walls and towering shimmering buildings was a terrifying secret. One Advent was willing to kill to keep unknown to the world.

Star shook her head, snapping out of her stupor and turning away from the CC.

Star wasn't desperate enough to break into Sector Double Zero.

Yet...

Star's mother once told her that the wasteland that surrounded Double Zero was once a lush, beautiful forest. Green bushes, trees, foliage once littered the hills for as far as the eye could see and even further beyond. But that was before Advent claimed the area of their own. Before they decided to redecorate.

Star crouched low, allowing the rocky reddish-brown sand slip through her gloved fingers.

That was all that remained of the forest her mother once remembered: an endless sea of sand, dunes and hills that rose and fell across every corner of her gaze. pockets of settlements scattered about remnants of a forgotten time half buried within the sandy clutches of the land. A wasteland nearly devoid of life.

Star picked herself up, throwing her coat over her frame as she wiped the sand from her hands.

Despite the harsh illumination of the sun, the heat had never been an issue in the desert during the day. Ironically, freezing to death had been the bigger problem. Even now, with the ball of gas burning in the sky, a chilling wind passed by, catching her hair in its grasp and causing her to shiver.

More of Advent's twisted influence on the planet.

Star picked up her cricket bat, carefully inspecting the coiled metal bands wrapped around the flat end of the weapon.

She took another breath, steeling her nerves as she gently placed her faded pink devil headband back on top of her head as she made her way across the cracked pavement of the empty ruins.

Star glanced about, taking in the concrete buildings that basked her in their shadows. Discarded remains of the life that once lived here were scattered about: Cars, briefcases, articles of clothing, papers. Star had never seen so many things in one place. It was rather humbling to be honest.

Star carefully parked her dirt bike against the nearest wall she could find, her heart nearly leaping out of her chest while she carefully watched for any sign of trouble.

The howling wind that raced through the empty city was the only thing she heard.

Her mother told her humans lived in these cities, giant man made settlements similar to CC's but with a slightly less malice intent. She had said that places away from any Advent Sectors were still like this. Still filled with people going about their day, still lived in.

Not like this tomb.

Star held the bat tightly in one hand, the other clasped tightly around the strap of her backpack as she moved further into the city limits.

Moon warned her the city ruins were dangerous, that only the desperate would be stupid enough to venture within but with supplies dwindling and her only mode of transportation on the verge of collapse, Star would have to be an idiot.

It was unnerving in a place so large with towering structures, with paved roads that were slowly being retaken by nature and where countless of people once lived side by side, the only noise that cut through the silence now was the steady thud of Star's boots.

Star nervously pushed herself further towards the heart of the city, barely resisting the urge to glance back at her ride as a sense of dread began to settle inside the pit of her stomach.

“It's okay Star” she muttered softly to herself “You are a fierce warrior. You've kick butt before and you'll do it again. Just aim for heads and swing” Star gave herself a reassuring nod “That's always worked before and it'll work now.”

Star's heart crawled to a stop when, without warning, a voice let loose a string of rather creative curses nearby.

Star dropped behind the nearest cover she could, deeply breathing as she inched closer to the source of the noise, gripping the handle of her bat tightly.

“Son of...” One voice cried out with barely held in anger “This is why I hate cities.”

“Umm Ferguson, you hate everything” The nasally second person answered.

“Well not the ladies Al. The Ferg is a lover after all.”

“I'm not in the mood to deal with your disillusions. I just want to load the stuff and get out. Is the truck fixed?”

“Of course!”

An awkward pause followed.

“I mean....probably...”

“Ferguson” Star could just imagine the eye roll that person just did “We're in the middle of a city filled with Lost and you haven't even fixed our ride.”

“I'm sorry I must be tired from all the HEAVY LIFTING I'VE BEEMPPH”

The outburst was quickly muffled but it was too late: Ferguson's words echoed dully into the distant, reverberating off the buildings and pushing deeper into the ruins.

There was a scraping of shoes against the road with an awkward silence that hung in the air.

“Sorry” Ferguson murmured sheepishly

“Please just fix the truck, I'll finish loading the supplies.”

“Ugh” Ferguson scoffed as his steps began moving away from Star and this Al person “Why isn't Marco helping us?”

“He's..” Al replied, his voice straining with effort “He's keeping a look out. Any loud noises will attract the Lost. I'm just happy your big mouth wasn't loud enough”

Star pursed her lips, slowly sneaking a peek at the two.

Ferguson was an orange haired teen about her age and wearing the strangest armor she had ever seen: Bright orange vest, barely armored clothing with the words “Love Machine” stitched on the front of his black shirt.

Al was a curly haired teen with glasses and much more practically dressed for a dangerous area: A bulletproof vest, elbow and knee pads and unlike Ferguson, openly displayed a blade tucked into his belt.

For a moment Star wondered it was best to attack them now when they were separated but the moment passed and she noticed the rather large pile of stuff that the curly haired one was sorting through: Canned and package food, a random assortment of gears, screws and various other mechanical items and piles of different clothing.

Was it really okay for her to forcibly take these things from fellow survivors? She was no stranger to violence, you couldn't be this day and age, but they had always been raiders, bandits, crazy mindless sociopaths and the occasional Advent grunt that wandered to far from the Community Center but never other survivors.

Star twitched uneasily as Alfonzo just stared at the pile of stuff before him, uncertainty filling in his eyes.

Star slowly moved out of her hiding spot, bat hung casually at her side as not frighten a response from Al but still close enough to get a swing in if they turned out to be hostile.

She took a step forward when a series of low yet well coordinated clicks chimed from some unseen speaker.

There was a flurry of footsteps and Ferguson had reappeared, dropping into a fighting stance though his breathing was heavy.

“you!” He called out, pointing directly to Star “S-stop right there! Oh man I hate when he does that.”

Star rose her hands in the air, silently impressed by the orange haired teen's situational awareness.

“Ah, who are you?” Al asked, his hands anxiously fidgeting over the hilt of his weapon.

“Hi!” Star beamed cheerfully “I'm Star, fellow survivor in this hellish landscape we call home. I came in looking for some supplies when I noticed you two.”

“How long have you been watching us?” Alfonzo questioned timidly

“Not long, about 5 minutes or so. You must be really sharp to see me coming while working on the ...umm truck was it?”

Al opened his mouth but Ferguson quickly shoved his way between his friend and the girl.

“Hey, I'm Ferg.” he said with the smoothest voice he could muster “Hero of the wasteland, engineer and mechanic extro...”

The trio jumped as, without warning, the series of complex clicks came out of the tiny black box that hung on Ferguson's belt.

“...umm....” Ferguson glanced downwards sheepishly.

“What's that?” Star gestured to the strange device.

“That's Marco.....” Alfonzo muttered guiltily.

“Oooo” Star cooed while she leaned closer to the device “Hi Marco!”

A moment of silence followed by a wave of frantic clicking noises.

“Talkative little guy?” Star gave a goofy grin.

“Umm....this is a walkie-talkie....it's used to talk over long distances?”

Star stared at the little black box “That's talking?”

“That's a code so he doesn't give away his position. You know, Marco's somewhere nearby...”

Star nodded “Ah huh....”

“...Watching us...”

“Ah Huh.”

“...With a rifle.”

“....”

Ferguson and Alfonzo looked at each other curiously

“....Umm...Star?”

“Mhm?”

“You know what it...”

“Oh yeah” Star waved off the boy's question “It means he's probably got the scope right here” She patted the center of her forehead playfully “Ready to take me out if I try anything. Duh”

“Right...” Al murmured softly “Umm....”

Another clicking sequence

“What's he say?” Star asked quizzically.

“He says you're trouble....” Ferguson answered slowly “he said we probably shouldn't deal with you.”

Star pouted “Come on, it's perfect! You get an extra pair of hands and I get work for some much needed supplies. Everyone wins.”

Ferguson rose the walkie-talkie to his mouth, whispering as low as he could “Whatcha think buddy?”

A moment passed followed by another and another. Seconds stretched a dozen times over as the invisible sharpshooter mulled over Star's business offer.

Then, finally, a long single defeated click. Even Star knew what that meant.

Begrudging agreement.

Star decided to stifle the cheer she wanted to let out.

The work was slow but Star hardly noticed. She loved meeting new people but most folks didn't care much for a bubbly yet dangerous blonde girl trying to make conversations with them while they were doing the whole 'trying to survive' thing.

Ferguson and Alfonzo were a refreshing change of pace.

Star brought her dirt bike closer and began helping Alfonzo load the various things they found into the back of van. It was much sleek and elegantly designed than the war horses and battle charioteers she was used to seeing on the wastes but it's most unique feature didn't catch her eye until the third or fourth trip when she noticed that instead of wheels, the van had strange circular plates that hummed softly.

“Yeah” Ferguson wiped the sweat off his brow “This is an Advent transport. Probably left it when they lostifed this town.

“Lostiwha?” Star raised an eyebrow.

“You know why no one comes here, right Star?” Al asked

“Psst” Star scoffed, an unconvincing chuckle escaping her lips “Of course I....don't know what that means. What does that mean?”

“Check it out” Ferguson motioned to a nearby store “Just don't scream.”

Star glanced at the two but given they made no moves to stop her, she figured it was alright.

Still, as she drew closer, trusty cricket bat in hand, she felt off. Her instincts there was danger here, slumbering until someone foolishly awoke it.

Star held in a gasp upon seeing what Ferguson wanted to show her: Inside there was thin, sickly pale humanoid figure with empty green eyes standing there, unmoving, unflinching, lifeless. It resembled a human but its structure was more skeletal. Long razor sharp fingers twitched uncontrollably as its arms hung limp midair.

Star backed away slowly, trying to process what she just saw.

“What was that?' Star asked breathlessly once she was sure she was far enough away.

“The Lost” Ferguson replied grimly “Advent's present for us humans when they moved in next door.”

“What are they?”

“Some say” Al dropped to low, dramatic spooky voice “They are the remnants of humanity, their wandering spirits left behind and seeking rest for their torture soul.”

Star let out a sharp gasp “Really?”

“Pfft, nah” Ferguson laughed “They were some sort of experimental weapon Advent worked on. They were supposed to be this weird guerrilla fighting force that would hide deep inside the forgotten corners of city, creating new copies of itself and just keep harassing the population until they were overwhelmed or forced to retreat. They were supposed to be smart, tactical, independent beings but in reality they're just mindless, artificial empty shells. More zombie than anything.”

��Then why are they called the Lost?” Star wondered

“Because Advent 'lost' loads of effort and money on them. They were literally a waste of time.”

“Oh” Star pursed her lips “That makes them lose a lot of their grandeur and spookiness.”

“yeah” Ferguson took a long sip of water “But they are still dangerous. Those claws can rip through metal and they might not be the smartest bunch but there's a lot of them and they will swarm you. Luckily they rely on their hearing above all else. As long as we don't loud noises, we'll be fine”

Empty silence followed that statement.

“Yep” Ferguson posed triumphantly “No loud noises. Back to work”

Star and Alfonzo nodded in agreement.

The sky was a purplish twilight as the sun slowly sunk beyond the horizon. The cargo had long since been loaded into the van but it turns out Ferguson was having trouble reactivating the hover plates that were absolutely necessary to actually move the vehicle

Alfonzo was napping against the wall he and Star sat against, a small trail of drool escaping the corner of his mouth.

Not that Star noticed. Star was far too busy keeping a look out for the Lost that littered the city and this mysterious Marco character.

He hadn't shown up the entire day. He remained hidden in his little sniper's spot and aside from the occasional burst of clicks that occurred randomly chattered out of Ferguson's walkie-talkie, there was no indication of him or his existence.

Star voiced her worry to Ferguson, wondering if this Marco character could really remain so vigilant for so long.

“Dude” Ferguson answered like it was the most obvious thing in the world “It's Marco. If anything, he takes his job too seriously” Ferguson dropped to a low whisper “We call him safe kid.”

A single angry click

Star covered her mouth, holding in her laughter as Ferguson sheepishly apologized into the tiny black box.

Star rose to her feet, stretching her tired body while giving out a sleepy yawn.

“I GOT IT!” Ferguson shouted excitedly, his fist raised in triumph, the hum growing in volume as the van quietly floated a few inches off the ground.

“Awesome” Star beamed tiredly “Looks like we're ready to head out?”

Ferguson nodded in agreement “Yeah, we just have to wait for Marco. In the meantime, get your dirt bike ready. We came here through the tunnel network a few blocks from away, we'll slowly make our way there and you can follow us back to our camp. We'll split the goods when we're nice and safe.”

Despite how many words that just came out of Ferguson would normally trigger 'It's a trap!' instincts, she felt calm and relaxed. She trusted these people. She knew she could and it felt nice to actually be a part of something again.....

Star teared up at the memory of her mother but she quickly wiped them away, rubbing her eyes in mock tiredness.

“Awesome, it's getting late I was starting to worry” Star admitted.

“Me too” Alfonzo added.

“Thanks for the faith guys.” Ferguson rolled his eyes “Okay don't tell Marco but I was getting nervous myself.”

“Nervous about what Ferg?” A muffled voice called from above.

The trio glanced upwards and Star got her first glimpsed of Marco looking at them from the roof of the building.

He was rather imposing in his long black coat with a hood covering his head. He wore a mask with two blue lens and a breathing apparatus attached with gloved hands and a rifle strapped to his back.

“Marco, hey buddy! We're all ready to go” Ferguson quickly spoke “Just come down from there and...”

The whirling hum of power stopped and the van floated there for a moment before crashing against ground with mighty thud.

“Ferguson!” Marco's voice cried out but the orange haired teen was already on it, rushing over and checking the interior of the van.

“Damn it, it's got an energy saver mode!”

“Seriously?!” Star yelled

Star felt a cold chill drip down her spine. After an entire day of peaceful quiet, a solitary inhuman shriek felt like thunder in her ears.

And another joined in. And another. More and more, a morbid crescendo of an animalistic harmony grew until it felt like the city itself was growling at them.

“Shit” Marco cursed, gesturing to Alfonzo to move “Get the truck moving now! We'll cover you”

“We?” Star asked but Alfonzo was already bolting for the passenger door, nearly tripping himself as Ferguson pulled him in.

“Sound attracts the Lost” Marco explained as he climbed onto the ledge of the roof “But they're single minded. First they hear then they spot and until we get out of dodge, that van's gonna be their target.”

“Get out of....” Star repeated but was stunned into silence as Marco leapt, grabbing onto a nearby drain pipe and sliding towards the ground at break neck speeds until he landed on the pavement with a solid thud.

Star couldn't hear the van turn on but she could see the panicked motions of Ferguson starting up the vehicle as fast as he could.

The van began to float once more but their visitors had already arrived.

Star felt sick as the Lost seemed to pour from every inch of the city: crawling out of drains, shuffling out of doorways, rolling from under nearby debris and fixtures.

Within seconds the empty city streets were filled with dozens upon dozens of these creatures and more seemed to be pouring in. An endless wave that threatened to consume them all.

“Ferguson!” Marco shouted, drawing his rifle and taking aim “GO!”

Crack, pop.

The lost reaching for Ferguson stumbled and fell as its head exploded out of existence but it was more like a balloon, leaving nothing but empty air and a rapidly decaying body that turned into a puddle behind.

“Star” Marco called to her as he pulled back on his rifle's lever “We need to go.”

Star walked backwards, blindly reaching for her bike as she saw the Lost swarm with frightening speed. Several of them managed to climb onto the van before it took off and while it was comical to see them tossed about back and forth while holding on for dear life, Ferguson and Al's childish screams shook Star out of her stupor.

Star climbed onto her bike and waited for Marco's pat on her shoulder before revving the engine to life.

Some of the Lost turned her way, their empty eyes looking at the pair but before any could lurch at them, the bike squealed, rising up on the back tire before surging forward at top speed.

Star managed to level out the bike as she weaved in and out of the Lost's path.

“A little warning next time” Marco groaned in her ear, barely heard over the rushing wind.

“Sorry” Star apologized “I didn't have time. It was peel out or be lunch meat.

“Fair enough. We need to catch up to them though. Those Lost will tear the van apart if they regain their footing.”

“Gotcha!” Star revved the engine.

The van swerved wildly back and forth but the Lost held fast. Despite how chaotic Ferguson was driving and the added weight from the several zombies hitching a ride, Star was having trouble catching up since her bike was unable to defy gravity and had to deal with traction and such.

“Ugh, I can't get closer!” Star snarled furiously as she avoided colliding with the increasing horde of Lost that filled the streets “Stupid hover tech. Stupid crowd.”

“I can't take a shot, Ferguson isn't keeping it steady and we're losing light.” Marco muttered, unable to keep the concern out of his voice.

“Hold on!” Star shouted “I got an idea.”

Marco felt his instincts scream at him “How bad are your ideas usually?”

“Pretty bad”

“Oh great.” Marco muttered as he held onto Star's waist tightly “Well you're driving, I can't really stop you.”

“Nope!”

Star made a hard turn without warning, her bike skidding sideways for a feet in a slide and knocking several Lost to the floor.

“Where are you going?” Marco asked, trying not to let worry overtake him as the van vanished from sight.

“We need a clearer path” Star explained, the wind blowing her long blonde hair about “I heard cities had this thing called a subway? Like the sandwich shops but I'm looking for...”

“There!” Marco pointed the entrance off to the side, wrapping his arms around Star's stomach as they raced towards the opening.

The Lost stumbled blindly in the darken subway station, searching and failing to find the exit to the surface. Their brethren stirred and they must follow suit.

One lucky lost looked upwards, the fading light drawing it up the staircase.

It let out a low, almost satisfied howl as it took it first steps towards fresh food when something heavy landed on it and squashed it flat.

“What was that?” Marco asked as the pair darted further into the darkness

“Doesn't matter” Star waved off the question, hopping the bike onto the train tracks below.

Marco held on firmly as the duo bounced off the uneven terrain.

Star's light was the only source of illumination as the bike rushed down the seemingly endless tunnel and for better or worse, the Lost's numbers were considerably thinner down below.

“Sharp turn ahead” Marco pointed out the obvious turn coming up.

“Thanks” Star mumbled halfheartedly, gently moving into the curve when a sudden train car appeared without warning. Star gasped in surprise as she leaned the bike away from the incoming object. The bike rumbled unhappily as it began to climb the circular walls of the tunnel.

Star struggled to keep her balance as the train car after train car whizzed by them, the bike leaning dangerously to either side the longer they went on.

Star let out a sigh of relief as she straightened herself on the now clear train tracks, the last rays of the sun slowly disappearing in the tunnel mouth ahead.

The cold, damp air of the underground became fresh as Marco and Star found themselves outside.

There was a slow building of some folksy guitar playing that crackled and suddenly became some man speaking really fast while an automatic drumbeat played mindlessly in the background.

“There!”

Star looked where Marco gestured and let out the tense breath she had been holding: o The van crossed their path a few feet ahead with fewer Lost but noticeable tears and dents in the vehicle.

Star gave chase, the steady roar of the motor bike filling the air as she trailed behind.

Ferguson and Alfonzo seemed to be arguing as the guitar and the man singing quickly popped then faded out of existence in an endless loop.

“Idiots” Marco muttered “They're actually arguing about music? Right now?”

“Yeah, when else are they going to do it?” Star chimed in.

Marco shook his head “hold it steady”

“Trying”

Marco raised his rifle, taking a deep calming breath as he slowly squeezed the trigger.

The sound of shot after shot filled the silence of the night in a rather relaxing rhythmic beat.

Shot, click, shot, click, shot, click. It brought peace to frayed nerves as the last Lost tumbled into the growing dark.

Ferguson pulled the van over, just short of the entrance to the tunnel and Star followed his lead.

“Thanks buddy” Ferguson said with the widest grin.

“No problem” Marco replied, his voice still muffled through the mask “You ready to keep going?

Ferguson and Al nodded in agreement.

Star was about congratulate everyone on a job well done when she caught something out of the corner of her eye.

She turned only to see a strange object sailing through the sky.

A whoa escaped her lips as she sat there, awestruck and inspired.

Her mother told her there used to be vehicles that used to fly through in the skies above but she never believed it. She never thought it was possible but there it was.

She felt the spark of hope ignite in her heart.

The object was small, almost as big as her bike, circular in design with two little fins that shifted angles and positions. A clear dome was fitted in the front almost like it was some sort of eye.

Marco caught Star's stare and followed her gaze to whatever was currently catching her attention.

Marco felt cold as he saw the circular flying object inch closer and closer to the city.

“Advent!” he shouted, patting Star on the shoulder “They must've seen a disturbance. We need to go”

“Wha?” Star could only stare at Marco's mask, completely dumbfounded. How could something so beautiful belong to something so evil?

There was a small hiss of air of escaping as Marco pulled the mask from his face.

Star's dumbfounded expression only grew at the sight of Marco: His brown eyes looking at her softly, his mouth set in grim determination, a tiny cute mole that graced his...

“Star we need to go.”

Star nodded dumbly, turning forward and quickly following Ferguson into the tunnels below.

Marco sat away from the campfire, staring up to the countless stars above as the sounds of joyful laughter and contentment filled the normally quiet campsite.

It hadn't taken them long to navigate through the tunnels and exit the boundaries of the city.

Star was more than welcomed at their camp and that was before Ferguson proudly announced her exploits.

Star's cheerful nature was infectious and before anyone knew it, she was practically begged to stay with his fellow survivors. Any deals regarding the great service she had provided Ferguson, Marco and Al could be discussed in the morning but tonight there was cause for celebration.

Marco felt his body tense up instinctively at the crunching sound of footsteps approaching. He willed himself to calm down. He was at camp. He was finally safe.

Marco turned to face his visitor and was surprised to find Star, the life of the party, standing there, giving him a shy wave of her hand.

Marco waved back.

“Hey Marco. You doing okay?”

“Umm yeah” Marco nodded slowly “I'm fine....why?”

“Well you're over here” Star explained “By yourself and...I dunno, I guess I was worried about you?”

“Worried about me?” Marco was caught off guard “You just met me today.”

“Well yeah” Star shrugged “but you seem like a nice person and we made a pretty great team.”

Marco smiled at the memory of earlier

“We did, didn't we?”

“So, I mean, you should totally join us. Janna's showing me this magic trick and Jackie's teaching me how to braid my hair.”

Marco wasn't expecting Jackie's name. He could feel his face blush at the sound of it and his heart skipped a beat for a moment.

A moment was all Star needed to catch Marco's shift in behavior.

“Ooooo” Star smiled mischievously “You liked Jackie, don't you?”

Marco's silence was all she needed.

Marco felt his blush worsen as Star gave a low chuckle.

“That's cute. Don't worry, I won't tell her.”

Marco stared blankly at Star, unsure what her angle was. Janna would've already demanded some sort of bribe by now.

“It's cute you have a crush on someone” Star explained “I mean when I first met you, you were all super serious. You need to relax safe kid. Life isn't life if you don't have some fun even in the middle of the wasteland.

Marco blinked, confused at the wisdom that Star spoke.

“I hope you join us” Star told him with Cheshire grin “I bet Jackie would looooove your company.”

“Star!” Marco cried but she had already retreated, making her way back to the others sitting around the campfire.

Star could feel her cheeks threaten to turn pink, her heart racing despite herself. Marco was too cute for her to handle but she knew she needed to suppress herself. He liked Jackie. That was it, nothing more to the story.

Marco stared at Jackie, his heart racing at the sight of her laughing and smiling brightly in the glow of the campfire. Then Star took a seat next to her, impatiently pawing at Jackie to start teaching her how to braid her hair.

Marco felt his heart stop, his cheeks blaze as Star turned to him, the bright flames of the campfire fire dancing in her ocean blue eyes, giving him the softest smile she could muster.

Marco slowly made his way over, muttering quietly under his breath “Pretty girls are always trouble...”

#my story #star vs au

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inawickedlittletown · 5 years

Text

Walking The Wire (153/163)

Summary: Tony Stark always knew about Peter Parker. He didn’t know that Peter was going to get superpowers and become Spider-Man, but he always knew about Peter because Peter was his son.

This will span from pre-Iron Man up through the rest of the MCU (eventually including Infinity War) and will be for the most part canon compliant except where I’ve taken some liberties and interpreted canon a certain way.

Pairings: Pepper/Tony, Tony/Steve (endgame), Tony/Mary (past)

A/N: If you want me to tag you when I post new chapters let me know. This fic is also on AO3

I used Collider’s MCU timeline to stay canon and the title of this fic is an Imagine Dragons song that is just so fitting for Peter and Tony

@findmeinthestarss

Masterpost

Chapter One Hundred Fifty Two

The vault was on the same floor as Nova Prime’s office. Rocket had sort of expected that. There was a biometric lock as well as a code to open it and then of the glimpse inside that Rocket got before the door closed, there were smaller locked up boxes that probably held all kinds of things. Probably valuable. Probably rare. Probably important. Maybe even dangerous. He kind of itched to find out.

The guard that had gone in, came back out a few minutes later and he rolled out a locked up box. Unlocking it seemed easy. There was no kind of code, just a lever. Then inside was the orb just as the guardians had left it.

“So, as you see, it is perfectly well protected,” the guard said.

Carol nodded. “Yes. I see. And has there been any attempts at stealing it?”

At that, Rocket noticed that Nova Prime hesitated in answering immediately which meant that someone had certainly tried.

“They were stopped,” she said.

“And yet, someone else could try and they could succeed.”

They all heard the implication that it would be Thanos.

Rocket had the fake on him. He had brought it just in case they had a chance to switch them -- they really hadn’t expected for there to be a moment but Rocket had been stealing for years and with the orb being right there, he decided to take a risk and try it. It would be easier than sneaking in and then having to break into the vault, finding the right box, and taking it without getting caught. Not to mention that his way might be faster.

He walked closer and could feel both the guard and Nova Prime watching him as he did.

“Looks protected, don’t it, Danvers?”

Carol raised an eyebrow at him and he looked back at Nova Prime.

“It does. I still have to say I’m--”

“Worried,” Rocket said, “that someone might just come in and take it?”

He reached in deftly and snatched it up.

“Hey, you can’t--” One of the officers stepped forward.

Rocket bounced the orb in his hand. “I just wanted to see if it still weighed the same,” he said and threw it up in the air.

Everyone around him looked ready to grab it out of the air and yet they were wary of the object. More guards had entered the office as well and when he threw it again Rocket pulled the fake out and when the real fell, he threw the fake one up and tucked the other away. He threw the fake up a couple of more times for show and then actually handed it to Carol who threw it back pointedly.

“Put it back, Rocket,” Carol said.

Rocket did and he took a step back. “I think it’s well protected here,” Rocket said. “Unless you can think of somewhere better?”

They all looked to Carol and Rocket shifted closer, away from the box.

“I cannot. I am sure it will be as safe as it can be here. In trusted hands.”

“It is,” Nova Prime said as the box was closed up and rolled back into the vault immediately.

“Thank you for being so accommodating,” Carol said. “And it is good to see you. It’s been a while, but things seem to be going well.”

Nova Prime nodded and Rocket ignored whatever small talk they were making until Carol managed to excuse them and they were on their way. They walked out of the building and then onto the streets of Xandar and only when they were far enough away did Rocket confirm to Carol that he’d gotten the stone.

“That turned out to be easy.”

“Aren’t you glad, I came,” Rocket said.

Carol just gave him a look.

---

“You got the stone,” Tony said with some surprise and almost a laugh.

Steve was surprised too. It was not at all what he had expected when Rocket, Carol, and Scott returned. He almost did expect for them to be chased out of the Nova Corps building. But it didn’t seem like there were any alarms blaring behind them which was good news.

“It was sitting right there,” Rocket said. “Distracted them a bit by throwing it in the air and then I switched them.”

“That easy,” Natasha said with some surprise.

Rocket just shrugged. “I’ve been known to steal things.”

“One more to go, then,” Tony said and Steve could feel his nervous energy.

Around them the city just kept moving with aliens walking past with kids or without and it was hard to imagine that in their present it was likely most of the people they were seeing were gone. Steve didn’t really like to think about it.

They took a walk to more obscured place from which to travel from. It was strange to think that they were actually one stone away from really being able to change things back and go against Thanos again. It was the going against Thanos part that had Steve a little worried. Even if they too had stones, Thanos was still formidable.

“I didn’t think this one was going to be all that easy. They’ve all been too easy,” Tony said.

Steve nodded. That was maybe a bit of a concern. The other ones had been easy because they knew what happened in the past - they had been prepared. Strange had been surprisingly willing to work with them to give them the Time Stone and Thor had been able to pull off getting the Reality Stone before it was taken to The Collector. He really hadn’t expected for Rocket to be able to somehow get the Power Stone out from the Nova Corps without there being at least some kind of fight.

“I think -- maybe this is the universe or something letting us do this because everything needs to be set to rights,” Tony said.

“Stranger things have happened,” Steve said.

Tony reached over and grabbed his hand. “We’ll have Peter back soon.”

“We will,” Steve said.

Once they were out of the main part of the city and away from any onlookers, they stopped. There was just one more stone but along with the stone they were going to need a gauntlet which meant that they would need to split up soon.

The Soul Stone was the one most shrouded in mystery, but Nebula assured them that while it might be guarded it wouldn’t be the hardest to find. When she talked about it there was always a sadness in her voice that probably had a lot to do with her sister.

Thor needed to go to the space forge. Rocket had apparently already gone there once, but he wanted to go again and Natasha was interested enough to go with them and Bruce and Rhodey had felt tagging along too. Which left him, Tony, Nebula, Scott, Carol and Clint to head to Vormir and get the Soul Stone.

Scott made work of making the Benatar big again and they parted ways. Thor and the others left first with the use of Thor’s axe, but they were taking the ship to Vormir. They saw the others go first and then they walked onto the ship and strapped in.

Carol took care of flying with Nebula assisting. They were up in the air in no time. Steve turned to look at Tony who seemed a bit too quiet as he looked around and Steve was suddenly reminded that this was the same ship that Tony had been stuck in -- where it had been a real possibility that he would die.

“Tony?”

Tony turned to look at him and he looked nervous and a little lost.

“Hey,” Steve said, “I’m here.”

“I know,” Tony said.

They took off and a few minutes later, Nebula warned them about a jump.

“It feels weird,” Tony added.

They were holding hands, and Tony’s nerves had seemed to quiet down some, but he wasn’t as relaxed as Steve would have liked.

“We’re only one stone short, Tony,” Steve said.

“We’ll get everyone back,” Tony said. “We’ll see Peter again.”

Steve nodded. “Yes. We will. It won’t be that much longer now.”

They had come so far from the first initial ideas about how to go after Thanos and how to get everyone back. Time travel hadn’t even been an option until Scott and even then it had seemed insane and yet they had done it. They had gone back in time to get the stones and they were going to get the last one. One more stone. Thor would hopefully get them a gauntlet.

“How long until we get there?” Clint asked.

He’d gotten up from his chair to join Nebula up front and Steve had to admit that it was kind of a nice view. Space. It was vast and different than anything else that Steve had ever experienced or maybe even wanted to experience.

“An hour or so,” Nebula said. “We’re close.”

“Cool,” Clint said and sat down next to her.

Steve took off his seatbelt seeing as it seemed safe now. It also meant he could reach Tony better.

“Have you thought about what we’re going to do once Peter is back?”

Tony’s lips quirked up. “I just want to hold him.”

“And after that?”

“I don’t know. Anything. Everything. Whatever he wants.”

The longing in Tony’s voice hit him hard -- and it was a feeling that Steve knew well. He missed Peter too. And Bucky. And Sam. And Wanda. But they would see them all soon. Steve couldn’t wait.

“Tony,” Steve said.

“Yeah?”

“I don’t know what’s going to happen next. We don’t know what getting this stone will entail or what facing Thanos again will be like, but I just want to promise you that this time we do all of it together. We’ll do whatever it takes.”

Tony nodded and he squeezed Steve’s hand.

They arrived at Vormir a little while later, landing without much trouble. Vormir was shockingly different to what Xandar had been like. It was a desolate planet that looked like it hadn’t seen any kind of person ever. It was almost like a desert except that there were pools of water along with the sandlike dunes. Up ahead was a huge mountain and somehow Steve just knew that it was where they needed to be headed.

“I think we need to go up there,” Nebula said.

“That looks like a bit of a trek,” Scott said.

It was a long walk -- longer than any of them had probably expected, but then they couldn’t accurately tell how far they were from the mountain.

“Maybe,” Clint said, “we should have flown the ship up there. I don’t know if it’s the sand or what but is anyone else tired from walking?”

“It’s the gravity,” Carol said. “And it would have been dangerous to land any closer.”

Clint nodded.

“That makes sense,” Scott said.

“I can go ahead,” Carol said and then she was up and flying before any of them could say anything.

Carol returned a few minutes later. “I don’t see much of anything. But the mountain is probably where we need to go.”

She walked with them and Steve had no idea how much time passed before they finally arrived at the foot of the mountain.

“Well, this isn’t weirdly creepy or anything,” Tony said as they started up. There actually seemed to be a path but not a path that had been made deliberately but one that had been created over time due to how many times people had walked up the path. Many seeking the stone, probably.

They made it up quite a bit when a figure appeared in front of them. The figure was cloaked and Tony took a step back. Steve ran into his back, but the others stopped short and Steve reached back for his shield. He could tell that Tony was ready to get the suit on as well.

The figure seemed to float in front of them, not really moving -- it was otherworldly and creepy. It only got worse once it started to talk.

Chapter One Hundred Fifty Four

#peter and tony #peter and tony fic #mcuwriting #mcu fic #iron dad #iron dad and spider son #stony #stony fic #marvel

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teamgishtastrophe · 7 years

Text

2017 GISHWHES - full item list

Below is the full list of items from GISHWHES 2017 with links to Team Gishtastrophe’s submissions.

#1 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

66 POINTS

Do you live near (or within a fun road trip’s length of) some sand dunes or a beach? If so, the time has come to fulfill your destiny. Make a massive portrait (must be larger than 20 square meters - the larger the better) of either someone who inspires you, or a message of hope beautifully written in sand. Use a drone to capture footage, if helpful. Make sure you are not working on protected or ecologically sensitive dunes.

#2 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

20 POINTS

There was a hobby or talent that you used to do when you were younger that you stopped doing for whatever reason. Do it again. Now.

�� #3

52 POINTS

Pancake art has come a long way, and the art form doesn’t get the respect it deserves. Let’s see pancake art of Guernica, Judith Slaying Holofernes, The Weeping Woman, anything by Hieronymus Bosch., or another famous work. (You may not do the Mona Lisa or anything abstract.)

#4 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

62 POINTS

As anyone who reads “Cosmopolitan” magazine knows, bohemian eco-chic weddings are all the rage. Let’s see a wedding dress made from recycled office paper.

#5 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

42 POINTS

Nobody likes elevator music in an elevator - unless it’s flute or pan flute music played by a wood nymph. (We must see unsuspecting passengers in the elevator with the wood nymph.)

#6 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

19 POINTS

Re-enact the experience of your birth, using (only) shadow puppets.

#7 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

44 POINTS

(Up to 2 minutes.) You love your grandparents, or your great-grandparents, but you’ve never heard their stories. Get one of them to tell you about the two most transformative experiences of their early life, before they turned 30. These must be experiences that shaped them into the people they are today. They may be difficult situations or lucky ones, but they must be transformative. Subject(s) must be more than 80 years old.

#8 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

82 POINTS

The year is 2021. Of all the unique and amazing human specimens on Earth, it was hard for the aliens to choose which ones to collect, but your team stood out as being excessively weird & worth “analysis”. Your entire team was abducted and put into an alien specimen box. In grid form, show each member of your team along with a card explaining where they got you (city, country) and a word stating what special characteristic makes you unique.

#9 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

29 POINTS

I can assure you, THAT has never been frozen in jello before! How did you manage to do that?!

#10

51 POINTS

Pizza was invented in Italy in 997 AD to honor the Queen Consort, Queen Margherita. The next significant event in Italian history was the start of the Renaissance Period in the 14th century, which spawned a revival in art, architecture, science and learning. Let’s celebrate these two seminal moments in Italian history. Bake a Pizza decorated as a Renaissance painting that would make the Old Masters proud.

#11

82 POINTS

There are many old ghost towns (Note that Little Beaver Town on the list has been leveled. We’re not sure what happened to the ghosts but they may be smaller/flatter) around the world. I’ve been told, however, that almost all of these are fake and do not contain real ghosts. I refuse to believe this. Help me prove them wrong. Let’s see ghosts (at least 6) doing typical small-town activities (shopping, dropping stuff off in the mailbox, porch sitting, walking ghost dogs, as crossing guards and school kids, etc.) in one of the actual ghost towns at the link above (or in another legitimately publicized ghost town). Provide a caption to your image or video with the name of the ghost town , and the State or Province and Country you’re in.

#12 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

29 POINTS

Many of us have lost pets in our lifetime. As a memorial to a loved pet that is now frolicking in the clouds chasing or sniffing whatever it was that pet liked to chase/sniff, write a poem or haiku about that loved one, or create a small shrine in nature comprised of items the pet loved and a photo of him or her.

#13 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

41 POINTS

(Side by side) A child drawing of their idea of happiness. Then, make it happen.

#14 - Click Here

48 POINTS

Over the years gishwhes has always been a supporter of first responders (firemen, paramedics, ER medics, nurses, police, etc.). Let’s give them one last treatment of a proper gishwhes “THANK YOU!” Find your nearest and dearest first responders and bring them The Most Epic Cookies or Pastries the World Has Ever Seen (MECOPWHES).

#15 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

23 POINTS

Groucho Marx a piece of fruit. No, we don’t know what this means either, but we’re excited to see what you come up with.

#16 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

29 POINTS

(Up to 2 minutes.) Take your parent back to the place where they lived when they were 10. Find someone they knew from then and ask them to recall a shared memory.

#17 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

69 POINTS

Spicy Art! Using the spices you have in your spice cupboard, make a picture of your favorite (1) comic book cover, or (2) cartoon character. Either submit it alone, or as a side-by-side image comparison.

#18

63 POINTS

Create or provide “gishwhes” welcome blankets (if it’s cold) or cold water and snacks (if it’s hot) for newly arriving immigrants… anywhere on the planet. Here’s some inspiration for you.

#19 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

38 POINTS

(Side-by-side image) A photo of your pet and a photo of the portrait of your pet that you have made from their own food and treats.

#20 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

41 POINTS

This family’s toys get into sweet, crazy escapades at night while the kids are sleeping. Your family’s toys make that family’s toys look like do-gooders. Let’s see what happened with your family’s toys while you slept last night.

#21

41 POINTS

Let’s see the world famous once-every-3000-years “Spectral Olympics”.

#22 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

50 POINTS

We finally have a confirmed sighting of a mythical beast from urban legends (Bigfoot, Nessie, Yeti, etc.) suffering the effects of climate change.

#23 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

39 POINTS

This morning, my daughter, Maison reported having seen a “moon fairy” while I was sleeping last night. As you know, the rarely-seen moon fairies are mischievous, nocturnal creatures who participate in synchronized, representational flight. Using a long exposure and flashlights (or other movable light sources) photograph these elusive beasts.

#24 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

43 POINTS

She wore a raspberry beret… Wear a beret made out of raspberries as you shop in a second-hand store.

#25

56 POINTS

Wombat poop is shaped like little bricks. Sounds like the perfect building material for a tiny house! Show us! If we can figure out the architectural style you chose from your structure - bonus POINTS! You’ll probably have to go to a local zoo to ask for collections of this building material. Enjoy your visit while you’re there. Your image must contain a caption that shares a little known fact about wombats.

#26 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

101 POINTS

(Create an old-school STOP MOTION film - up to 1 minute.) A Romeo and Juliet story... Two young virile socks (unmatched) meeting, falling in love, being kept apart and finally ending tragically.

#27

48 POINTS

The Internet has brought us all closer together, so this should be really easy: find someone from one of the 10 smallest countries in the world. Have them send you a forced perspective photo of something very small that makes that object look huge in front of a famous public landmark or historical site in that country. Caption the photo with “Big things happen in the tiny nation of [insert country name].” Teams may not share submissions with other teams, so make sure your tiny country helper isn’t helping someone else.

#28

58 POINTS

Finger-painting is often thought of as unsophisticated and associated with preschool. But we know it can be deployed for much loftier purposes. Prove the art historians and elitists wrong by finger painting a sophisticated mural with complex messaging about an important global issue on the wall of a classroom. You may want to get a pre-schooler or two to help just to make sure you’re doing it right!

#29 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

37 POINTS

It is either winter or summer where you are. (If it is not, please contact our support so we can send NASA to find you.) There’s something you love to do outdoors in the winter or summer where you live. Do the activity you love to do in the opposite season that you are in.

#30 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

41 POINTS

THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! NEW LEASH ON LIFE USA adopts otherwise unadoptable dogs and sends them through a unique training program. Shelter pets rarely get any attention and millions are put down each year. Many times this can be avoided if people on the Interwebs (who would like and could responsibly own a pet) were to see how cute, available, lonely and cuddly they are. Let’s save a pet or two (or thousands). Grab a friend or two and visit a shelter. Spend some time with one or more of the pets there. Post a selfie of your favorite pet looking for a “forever home” on Twitter (tagging @NewLeashUSA) or Instagram (tagging @NewLeashOnLifeUSA), using hashtag #adoptmeplease, and the social media handle or name of the shelter (so people can contact them). Submit the image you take on our site, but provide the link to your social media post link in the comment field of the submit page.

#31 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

44 POINTS

You’ll find all you need to complete this item here: https://yung.cloud/index.php?a=track&id=29451

#32 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

50 POINTS

Visit a local bakery or food market. Get them to donate still-edible items to a women’s shelter. Speak to the women’s shelter first to make sure they will accept donations like this. Submit an image of you at the women’s shelter donating the food items. Note:Please don’t take images that include any of the residents in the background out of respect to their safety & privacy.

#33

73 POINTS

From @gishwhes twitter feed: Everyone knows the most ticklish parts of planes are on the undersides of the wings (or “wing pits”, to use proper aircraft terminology). Let’s see the wing pits on a full-sized airplane. You can go true bohemian, decorative, or high and tight groomer - but it must really look like (or be) hair to count.

#34 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

89 POINTS

As this is likely the last year of gishwhes we should probably do something to memorialize it. A lot of folks have been saying, “Save gishwhes!” But we say, “Shave “gishwhes”... into the back of your head.” Try to match the amazing logo that Olivia Desianti formed way back when - which we still use today. Bonus POINTS if you include the current or a former gishwhes hybrid mascot in your masterpiece. The same design shaved into a thick matt of back or chest hair would be an acceptable substitute.

#35 - Click Here

44 POINTS

Hand a bouquet of flowers (or a single flower) to a person leaving a house of worship that is not your religion. For example, if you are a Christian, you could hand a bouquet of flowers to someone leaving a mosque. If you’re Jewish, hand flowers to someone at a Christian church, etc. With the flowers, attach a note saying something in your own words, but to the effect of: “I may not worship in the same building as you, and I may not pray to the same prophets, but I am grateful to be sharing this planet with you in peace.”

#36 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

23 POINTS

The dewey decimal system has long been responsible for keeping good books apart— books that clearly deserve to spend a life together on library shelves. For that matter, it seems so many libraries go out of their way to keep perfectly good literary companions apart as they separate fact from fiction, biography from archaeology, science fiction from politics. Be the matchmaker literature needs and get creative at your local library or bookstore. Show the spines of at least six books together in a library or bookstore (the more titles the better) the titles of which create the perfect oxymoronic sentence or phrase. - Monica Duff

#37

92 POINTS

No one talks about the fact that the destruction of the Death Star put thousands of Stormtroopers out of work. Luckily the Empire has a pretty robust social safety net and most of them have been retrained and placed in new jobs, the majority of which have been in the transportation sector. Let’s see a stormtrooper driving/flying a large passenger vehicle. Must be for mass transit, not just a car or a van. A subway, train, bus, ferry, plane, etc.

#38 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

43 POINTS

THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! Pick a celebrity social media image post (or an advertisement) and recreate it with a subtle twist like like Celeste Barber does here. Tweet, Instagram or FB post your image side-by-side with the original image, “#embracereality @gishwhes” and your team name. (You may also tag or mention the celebrity or brand you are satirizing.) Submit the image you take side-by-side with the original one, but provide the link to your social media post in the comment field of the submit page.

#39 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

29 POINTS

You’ve heard of Cabbage Patch Kids, Garbage Pail Kids, and the Pacific Garbage patch. Let’s see a Great Pacific Garbage Patch Kid, (a cabbage-patch kid made from garbage you pick up from your local beach or lakefront), complete with adoption certificate.

#40

51 POINTS

(Up to 30 seconds.) THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT!. Have a full church choir sing Carry on My Wayward Son while wearing dental cheek retractors. Please make sure that the video shows some of the singers’ faces up close. Then, share the video via twitter with the band Kansas (@kansasband) with @mishacollins @gishwhes.” Submit the video on our site but provide the link to your social media post in the comment field of the submit page. - Nicki Bentley-Colthart

#41 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

21 POINTS

Show us your own personal “Stairway to Heaven” -Dylan Cacador

#42 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

48 POINTS

You ever heard of “pond dipping”? “river bugging”? Neither have we - but let’s not let that stop us. Invent and show off your own *SAFE* summer wet, wild and messy activity and caption it with a clever name.

#43 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

39 POINTS

Never judge a book by its cover… or bread by its shape. Bake bread or cookies into the shape of something you would DEFINITELY not want to eat. (We hate to have to say this every year, but pornographic pastries will result in docked POINTS.)

#44 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

56 POINTS

(Time-lapse up to 20 seconds.) A snail (or similarly VERY slow insect or worm) crossing a path or going up a wall. Put or stick objects in its path so it has to change directions multiple times. Then have it go through some “winner” gates at the end of its arduous trek. To make it a gripping adventure, you’ve dropped frames and turned this into a fast-paced adventure and set it to 1980s video game music, complete with a grand finale sound at the end when it makes it through the gates.

#45 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

72 POINTS

You may not be aware, but leather-clad, tattoo-covered biker clubs love to hang out and play in those inflatable bouncy castles. Catch them in the act!

#46 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

29 POINTS

THE FINAL “KALE” ART. (Please note that per Commandment #4 of the 2017 Hunt, this word and material as a Hunt item is not permitted. We are aware of this. That being said, we do not care. You still may not use the word “kale”. Henceforth, it shall be called [REDACTED] BUT you may use it as a material for this item.) Therefore, take a SINGLE glorious piece of [REDACTED] and, using whatever adornments or other decoratives, clipping patterns, etc., create a stunning, museum worthy piece of art that shall then be showcased (and submitted as such) as an ornamental headpiece on you.

#47

63 POINTS

Your strict neighborhood HOA (Homeowners’ Association) got replaced by a better HOA: the Hopeful Optimist’s Association. They’ve decided that your lawn isn’t quite up to regulations. Get your front yard up to snuff by building a large-scale, jaw-dropping sculpture or structure dedicated to Hope. Make it so magnificent that motorists backup & park to gaze at its beauty. (Conversely, it could be that YOUR neighborhood HOA got replaced by the Horrible Organization for Awfulness... You get where we’re going with this, right?)

#48 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

48 POINTS

As most people know, roosters enjoy a good sunrise. But other farm animals enjoy sunrises and sunsets, too. Let’s see a photo of you, some friends or companions (such as your dog), and a sheep, horse, cow, or other non-rooster barnyard animal, watching the sun rise or set together. Bonus POINTS if the spectacular skies are reflected in water in front of you.

#49 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

37 POINTS

There’s something important that your local or national politicians are not attending to properly. Stand in front of something that represents the issue/right/minority group/etc. that you care about and that your politicians are not adequately protecting and hold a large, hand-written sign with a message to the powers that be. Tweet this image to an elected official with the power to do something to help tagged “#gishwhesrights”. Submit the image and a link to your tweet in the comments.

#50

51 POINTS

Have too much of a good thing, by which we mean a cream-filled balloon the size of a volley ball. Volley, volley, spike! Play a game of volleyball with it in the middle of a busy plaza.

#51 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

47 POINTS

Anyone who serves in the military is risking their life to serve their nation. Being respectful to not trespass on military grounds, stand in front of a large military craft, ship, tank, or plane with an inclusive sign of thanks to every service member of every kind. You may post this image on social media prior to the end of the hunt, if you choose. Submit the image with a link to your post in the comment section (if you chose to post it).

#52

41 POINTS

(Time-lapse up to 30 seconds.) Paint a dignified portrait of a President, Prime Minister, King, or Queen. But we don’t want you to waste canvas or paper! Paint this on a loved one’s bare back or abdomen. (use skin safe paints or edible “paint-like” food products!)

#53 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

33 POINTS

Write something in frosting on a cake that you’ve always wanted to say to someone, and deliver it to them.

#54 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

40 POINTS

THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! Listen to this and be scared: http://www.radiolab.org/story/nukes/. But this bill has been introduced to try to solve this global risk. Let’s get it approved! Tweet ALL of your reps to pass the legislation to make congressional approval for first nuclear strike US law. Submit a screenshot of your post. Provide a link to the tweet in the comment field of the submit page.

#55

34 POINTS

Make a homemade Castiel kite with a child. We must see the kite in flight.

#56 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

41 POINTS

Sometimes things are just too comfy to leave, but you’re prepared for this! Let’s see you in your “Hammock Self-Containment Unit”. This, of course, would be you in a hammock with everything you need to live for one week, including all life preserving items, sanitation supplies and, of course, entertainment (live or otherwise). Make sure it’s clean, well organized, and designed for easy access to everything.

#57

52 POINTS

Show us a beautiful mermaid or sea creature performing a politically defiant modern dance solo to the beautiful music of the Sea Organ at Zadar. (Can’t make it to Zadar? The wave organ in San Francisco or the high tide organ in Blackpool may be substituted.)

#58 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

89 POINTS

It’s time to recreate the epic historic Great Zombie vs. Vampire World War II. As you recall, this particular battle took place with Nerf guns (homemade or otherwise) in an arena, forest or field, and was wild, gruesome, and featured multiple soldiers.

#59 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

59 POINTS

THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! This item takes place on Friday, Aug 11th, in whatever city you’re in at 10am in your time zone. Stand in front of your state or province’s legislative building (the building where your laws are enacted) and with your friends, hold up a large sign showing an excerpt or summary of a law that protects civil rights. For example if you live in the US, you could hold up a sign with a portion of the 1st amendment of the US Constitution written on it. Use the hashtag #gishwhes4rights. Submit the image you take on our site, but provide the link to your social media post in the comment field of the submit page.

#60 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

51 POINTS

(Up to 30 seconds - you may speed up or slow down the video if you need to.) Using only air-moving devices or machines, successfully navigate a balloon through a strange series of obstacles. It must be suspended in the air, without anyone or anything other than moving air touching it. It must travel at least 10 yards and culminate with your friend popping it with a needle sticking out from a hat they’re wearing.

#61

76 POINTS

(As long as it takes to complete the song.) THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! James Corden hosts Carpool Karaoke in the US— a viral show that has celebrities singing songs with him in a car. (Yes, we realize this is typical lowbrow-American TV, but it works.) We want to upgrade carpool karaoke and make it more high-brow. Create your own carpool karaoke with a political or intellectual powerhouse. Your co-singer must be either a nobel laureate, MacArthur Fellow, a national elected official, Bill Nye, Jane Goodall, Neil deGrasse Tyson, or any past or present member of the Harlem Globetrotters. Oh, and your karaoke song must have sufficient gravitas and must be an 80s pop song. For example, “Like a Virgin” would do nicely. Shoot your video Carpool Karaoke style. Tweet the video to @JKCorden with

#gishwhesloveskaraoke and mention who your passenger is in the post. Upload the video on our submit page but be sure to provide the link to your social media post in the comment field of the submit page.

#62 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

42 POINTS

Honeybees are a “keystone” species just like sharks. If they’re gone, we’re in big trouble. Unfortunately, there are currently “Colony Collapse Disorders” happening with honeybees throughout the world. This is when the majority of worker bees in a colony disappear, leaving the queen and immature bees to fend for themselves (most colonies completely die). This has major global food crop implications, as honeybees perform the magic of pollination of agricultural crops. If bees go by the wayside, we will have to find alternative pollination solutions, and that ain’t gonna be easy. But, let’s roll up our sleeves and give it a shot: Plant something in your garden (or plant a garden if you don’t have one) that is bee friendly (even if it’s just one plant in one pot on a patio). Spring - lilacs, penstemon, lavender, sage, verbena, and wisteria. Summer – Mint, cosmos, squash, tomatoes, pumpkins, sunflowers, oregano, rosemary, poppies, black-eyed Susan, passion flower vine, honeysuckle. Fall – Fuschia, mint, bush sunflower, sage, verbena, toadflax. Take a picture of yourself wearing some sort of bee-attire doing your part to pollinate your newly planted plant.

#63

265 POINTS

(Time-lapse up to 1 minute but preferably under 30 seconds.) Loo goes to space! A person named Loo won our NASA email contest last Fall, and Loo’s prize is out of this world. Write “Loo” on a paper airplane and launch it from the stratosphere (or higher). We must CLEARLY see you writing the name on the paper airplane and folding it, the paper airplane’s journey into space, and then the actual launch where the plane is released from the stratosphere from whatever vehicle has conveyed it to those heights (high-altitude weather balloons are an acceptable means of conveyance). Oh, and one more thing: the paper airplane must be decorated and must have a message on it about a secret, global conspiracy to make the world a better place. It should also have your team name written on it and the following email address: with the instructions: “If found please email picture of airplane and location found to: [email protected].

#64

58 POINTS

Quilt a gishwhes onesie out of underwear and/or gloves. Strike a pose in the lobby of a financial institution or bank. Bonus POINTS if it’s the floor of a stock exchange.

#65

65 POINTS

You know SuperWhoLock? The amalgamation of Supernatural, Doctor Who and Sherlock? Well, that’s been done to death and everyone has moved on to the next big mashup. Let’s see 3D street art on a pavement or wall (in chalk!) that’s of a scene or setting from SuperWhoWatch (an amalgamation of Supernatural, Doctor Who and BayWatch)

#66 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

18 POINTS

Personify your favorite movie title. Include a caption on your image of the title of the movie in quotes. - Tanya Best

#67 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

43 POINTS

Banana Hammock. This year’s summer fashion elitists are all wearing the latest rage: Banana Bikini or Banana Briefs. Join them!

#68 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

51 POINTS

You finally have a use for all the naked bananas you now have sitting around! Bake as much banana bread as you can with “gishwhes” spelled out in bananas on the top & distribute it to your local nursing home.

#69 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

28 POINTS

You’ve been putting this off for far too long. Tell your parents something bad that you did as a child that they still don’t know about. Capture their reaction. This must not be staged. We have an Academy Award Winning Judge on staff that will determine if your parent has already heard this story and you will be docked POINTS. - CJ and Lauren

#70 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

39 POINTS

(Time-lapse down to 20 seconds.) Sidewalk cafes are all the rage, but most “sidewalk cafes” are total posers. Set up a “sidewalk cafe” the way it was meant to be - on an actual sidewalk. Cook a delicious omelet using just a magnifying glass, a hot sidewalk, and the sun. Share your feast with a friend!

#71

0 POINTS

DELETED FOR REASONS - THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! Rapper B. o. B. seems to think that the world is flat. Perform a highly scientific experiment that proves that it is not and tweet the results to him (https://twitter.com/bobatl (https://twitter.com/bobatl)). Submit the image or video you take on our site, but provide the link to your social media post in the comment field of the submit page.

#72

111 POINTS

I hate to say it, but this financial company is underwater. Let’s see the board meeting— with professionally dressed people at the table with chairs, paper, pens etc… all fully submerged at the bottom of a swimming pool.

#73 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

39 POINTS

Visit a local laundromat. Place decorated envelopes with enough money (in coins or bills, depending on the machines) for one load of washing and one load of drying on at least one machine with the note: “We swim together, we tumble together. Love, Gishwhes.”

#74 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

43 POINTS

Modify a grocery store shopping cart to be space-worthy. Put an alien being in the pilot’s seat and help them navigate the terrain of the “Earth produce” department to collect specimens.

#75 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

16 POINTS

They told me I couldn’t, so I did. Pose in front of a sign declaring a rule. Break that rule. A few notes: It must be safe (what you are doing), and it MUST NOT be a law or illegal where you are. It must only be a “rule”. For example, you might find a sign that says, “collared shirts only.�� You would pose in front of that sign wearing a tank top. - Inspired by Emily Shulman

#76 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

39 POINTS

Have a caveperson demonstrate glass-blowing. - Jennifer Pierce

#77 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

24 POINTS

Personify or embody your team name. Caption your image with your team name. - Shannon

#78

48 POINTS

Being in the hospital can be scary and lonely for kids! Visit your local hospital to play a two-player video game with a pediatric patient. Be sure to dress thematically to match your game(s)! Take a picture of yourself in front of the children’s hospital. Do not take pictures with the kids unless they approve, their guardian(s) approve, and the hospital approves; we don’t want them to feel exploited. However, you MUST play with a child to get POINTS for this item. This will be an honor system. You will have very bad karma if you cheat on this one. - Kristin Lindsay - Child’s Play charity.

#79

29 POINTS

(Up to 20 seconds.) Why would you move from the couch during a Supernatural binge watching session? Build a complex SPN-themed Rube-Goldberg machine to fill your empty glass, catapult you a snack, or to serve some other couch potato need. - Diane-Audrey Carlier

#80

73 POINTS

You’ve all seen “dog shaming memes” on the Internets. You know that crowd that lines up at the plaza of The Today Show and shows up on air? Let’s take it over with gisher-self-shaming signs. Hold up a large, colorful sign that details something you did that you probably shouldn’t have done (for example, “I drank milk straight of the carton and put it back in the fridge without telling my roommates”). Make it a light-hearted trivial violation, not a deep-seated personality flaw, actual violation of the law, or other serious offense. Share with us a clip of the AIRED FOOTAGE that shows your team’s sign and in the comments section of the item submitter, let us know which sign was yours. Do not add your team name or “gishwhes” anywhere on the sign… we want this to be a mystery.

#81 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

25 POINTS

Sometimes it feels like your boss expects you to be in more than one place at more than one time, but you’re a gisher so you know how to deliver. Using the panoramic photo function on your phone, insert yourself at least three times in the same picture in different positions and/or wardrobe to show yourself as you “multitask”. You may NOT Photoshop yourself into the image. (Hint: you have to run around the person taking the picture each time they pass you in the frame.)

#82 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

19 POINTS

In honour of Canada’s 150th birthday, even though you may not be Canadian, you and a friend should clearly cover yourself in maple syrup and go roll in some maple leaves. - Jessica G.

#83 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

29 POINTS

Lets see your interpretation of fireworks using vegetables and spaghetti as mixed media. - Saty381

#84 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

52 POINTS

(Two Images side-by-side.) The first image is a photo of an illustrated page from a children’s book. The second image is your reenactment of that illustration in 3 dimensions. - Inspired by Sarah Trumbley

#85 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

47 POINTS

Let’s see LABSWHES. The Largest Awesome Balloon Sculpture the World Has Ever Seen. The themes this year are “insect” or “space”—or both. You must be in the middle of this structure.

#86 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

39 POINTS

Everyone thinks unicorns are beautiful, magical, gentle creatures. You know better. Prove it to the world! You may use any media you like, including Photoshop. - Traci Akierman

#87 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

41 POINTS

THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! Tweet a picture of you or your child dressed as a bear in school to @betsydevos with whatever text you like and “#KeepSchoolsSafeFromBears #Gishwhes”. Submit the image you take on our site, but provide the link to your social media post in the comment field of the submit page. - Diedra Lookingbill

#88 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

60 POINTS

Three words: 10 Mannequin-pin Bowling. - Ariana Preis

#89 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

43 POINTS

Apply lipstick while jumping on a trampoline. - Emily Schulman

#90 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

42 POINTS

“Why did the chicken cross the road?” There’s no better crossing guard than a mother hen! Dressed as a chicken, offer to help people cross a busy street.

#91 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

31 POINTS

Leave a Yelp review of gishwhes after you deliver food to the homeless or to a homeless shelter.

#92

62 POINTS

(Up to 20 seconds.) It’s nice to see a serious sport finally get the recognition it deserves: http://www.euronews.com/2017/04/30/finns-compete-in-annual-hobby-horse-championship. Now, let’s see video documentation of “Human NASCAR” complete with the speeding, lane changes, a pit-stop, crashes, etc. You & at least 5 friends must be drivers of “vehicles” of your own design, complete with corporate sponsorship logos. All vehicles must be motor-free and foot-propelled (ala-Flintstones) and all engine sounds must be vocalized by you and your friends. Just to be clear... this is Human NASCAR, not roller derby. All vehicles must be propelled on foot.

#93 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

72 POINTS

Get an elected official’s signature on a statement (written on official letterhead paper) declaring gishwhes an act of lawful resistance or civil disobedience. (Inspired by U of C Scav, 1987)

#94

44 POINTS

Camouflage yourself in a pet store.

#95 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

58 POINTS

(Up to 30 seconds.) The Silicon Gourmet has been teaching a neural network to generate recipes. Learning to cook is hard (as my son can attest)! In the interest of encouraging budding AI chefs everywhere, create a Food Network-worthy video preparing one of the recipes as described in the network’s cookbook. Make sure to sample the results on camera. Oh, and you must look and behave as if you were a droid, of course.

#96

38 POINTS

(Try to take a very close-up photo - a.k.a. “Macro” photo.) Nice grill! Combine the “tiny food” trend with urban fashion. Show someone cooking tiny hamburgers & hot dogs on a friend’s “grill” (the dental kind.)

#97

61 POINTS

Do something fitting in front of the Gereja Ayam (the abandoned Chicken Church of Indonesia). For example, you could play a game of Duck, Duck, Chicken! Or you could ponder the question: Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Or you could host an easter egg hunt… You get the picture.

#98

38 POINTS

A marionette show featuring a puppet of Trump being controlled by a Putin lookalike. Quintuple BONUS POINTS if Putin himself is the puppeteer.

#99

47 POINTS

Letterboxing (http://www.letterboxing.org/ or see https://www.atlasquest.com/) is a game where people hide small weatherproof boxes in publicly accessible spaces with a logbook & a stamp. They share the clues to find their box on the web or via word of mouth. Create a letterbox for your team & share clues so other teams can find it over social media. Leave a logbook with your team stamp on it in the box. Then, find another teams’ box and leave them a message of encouragement along with your team’s stamp in their log book. Submit proof that you found at least one other team’s book & the message you wrote. NO COLLUSION! (And that goes for you, too, Donald.) NOTE: Please either pickup your boxes after the Hunt ends or dedicate yourselves to maintaining them post-hunt.

#100

38 POINTS

Calliope. Clio. Euterpe. Erato. Melpomene. Polyhymnia. Terpischore. Thalia. Urania. Inspirational goddesses of literature, the arts and science in Greek mythology. On the steps of the National Gallery in Trafalgar Square, provide a visual representation of the muse that guides you in your art and/or life.

#101 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

80 POINTS

As I’m sure you’ve seen, over the years we have marketed gishwhes relentlessly and shamelessly (because we really want everyone to do it). This is the last gishwhes, so now it’s your turn to go ahead and show us how we should’ve marketed it. Create a gishwhes ad that no one would be able to resist. Note: you may make false or misleading claims if you so choose, but because we’re curious, you could even take a stab at a legit one. …

#102 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

74 POINTS

THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! During the First Annual and Last Ever 2017 gishwhes Tea Party, we identified gishers based on their right-brush or left-brush toothbrushing statuses. Conduct a massive poll on your social networks for the gishwhes Institute of Vital Statistics to prove conclusively whether people brush their teeth starting on the same side of their mouth as their dominant hand or the opposite side. Because this is solid science, your sample size must have a minimum of 400 respondents. Submit a visually-compelling graph of your poll data and the number of votes and the winner. Use the hashtag

#gishwhesteeth. Submit a screenshot of your post. Provide the link to your social media post in the comment field of the submit page.

#103

26 POINTS

Play hopscotch at one of the marker sites of Víddaflakk. (BONUS: Play Interdimensional Hopscotch.)

#104

90 POINTS

A far-right Republican senator and a far-left Democrat Senator (or two similarly “diametrically party-opposed” legislative makers in your country) co-wearing a very large (fits two people) “This is Our ‘Get-Along’ Shirt.” Caption the image with the names of the politicians.

#105

81 POINTS

We know a little girl that makes a different kind of Advent Calendar. As she marks off each day on the calendar, she gives something away. Make your own version of a reverse Advent calendar. On the first day of gishwhes, create a decorated Advent calendar whereby, for each day on the calendar, you depict something you’re going to give away. Then, each day of the Hunt, take a picture of you fulfilling your calendar item. Submit 7 pictures in a grid (or a video slideshow) showing what you’ve done. Then, continue on through the calendar period. (Yes, this will continue after the Hunt is over, but though gishwhes as we know it may be ending, its spirit will live on in you!) -Keegan Connor Tracy’s 10-year old daughter

#106

79 POINTS

The Lumbasumba region is being protected this year by Gishwhes. We gishers managed to purchase for permanent preservation more than 60 square miles of the Lumbasumba forest during the final weeks of registration in July! But the Lumbasumba area is more than just a forest. It’s also the hottest new dance craze. Show us how it’s done. (As all gishers know, you need to do it next to a REAL monkey, a parrot, or a camel to do it right.)

#107

92 POINTS

(Up to 45 seconds.) AMOK ITEM! Let’s virtually graffiti the world with kindness! Using a GPS tracking app (like Figure Running or similar), walk, jog, or run as large a path as you can to spell out a message of love, hope, or kindness. As you go, stop and perform acts of kindness and document them. You must show us the map with coordinates at the end of your path as well as the minimum of 3 documented act of kindness. - Inspired by Tia Pogue

#108 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

28 POINTS

The chickens have come home to Proust.

#109

71 POINTS

(Up to 22 seconds.) Wonder Woman being “Superman-splained” to.

#110 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

29 POINTS

The return of the Three-ingredient Challenge! Show us: Triptych, Transylvanian, takin.

#111

45 POINTS

A street vendor handing out toilet paper roses at the toilet fountain in Foshan, China.

#112 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

83 POINTS

A ballet troupe in tutus, engaged in a bar brawl - freeze framed at its most climactic moment.

#113

62 POINTS

Set up a Maximum Security Birdhouse in a beautiful public park.

#114

0 POINTS

DELETED FOR REASONS - Let’s see a TripAdvisor or Airbnb review of your mother’s womb as an “extended stay hotel”. Keep it suitable for work and any child’s prying eyes!

#115 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

83 POINTS

Make A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of Le Grande Jatte by Seraut into an elaborate dot-to-dot image.

#116

65 POINTS

Not many people know this, but the Kessel Run was actually a foot race. Let’s see at least 5 Star Wars characters competing in the Kessel Run in a shopping mall.

#117

65 POINTS

Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole. Let’s see Dean Winchester driving a pedi-cab or quadricycle with Castiel & Sam as passengers.

#118 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

60 POINTS

Rumor has it that Amazon is teaming up with the Vatican for a bold new service: On Demand Drone Deliverance services. Show us a drone administering a wedding service, confession, last rites, communion or baptism.

#119

22 POINTS

Trump l’oeil. (This is not a typo.)

#120

91 POINTS

You’ve heard of a soap box derby, but the sofa bed derby is where it’s at. Let’s see two “race car” sofa beds, each with pajama-clad “drivers”, racing down an actual street. Be safe and complete this where there is absolutely no traffic!

#121

32 POINTS

The people of Iceland believe in Huldufólk, which are invisible elves. They build tiny houses and churches for them. But the Huldufólk deserve to have a nightlife, too! Let’s see a tiny Huldufólk nightclub in a busy urban area.

#122 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

40 POINTS

They say a rolling stone gathers no moss, but can moss gather a Rolling Stone? Make a portrait of one of The Rolling Stones out of moss.

#123 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

38 POINTS

As all gishers know, Saturday, August 12 is “Meet Another Gisher Day.” Meet up in front of the largest art museum in your town at 10:00 AM (of whatever timezone you’re in). It’s a pot-luck coleslaw brunch this year, so bring your favorite family recipe of coleslaw… and as much sidewalk chalk as you can. After brunch, decorate the pavement with a collaborative message to the world. In order for a meet-up to count you need to have representatives of at least 5 teams present, so this will require some organizing. Gishwhes is all about coming together, so teams may collaborate (gasp!) on this one, but your team’s image or video must still be all your own.

#124 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

21 POINTS

Be someone’s “rock” to get them through the hard times. Hand-paint small rocks with a message of kindness & leave them in areas that need a pick-me-up. (On the underside, please write “Pass it on.”) You must paint & hide at least one rock for each member of your team.

#125 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

41 POINTS

(Time-lapse under 20 seconds.) All good things must come to an end, and so it is with the Hunt. Create a “sand” mandala featuring images that symbolize the hunt to you… all using pixie sticks as your chakpur and sand. When it’s done, show us your masterwork and then, just like the Buddhist monks, sweep it away and get ready for what’s next.

#126

0 POINTS

DELETED - Reward! I won’t say that Jensen & Jared are missing their balls, but they were last seen being sent into this quarry (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DRObA6f_zec&feature=youtu.be) at Britannia Beach. Find them, take a photo, and put them back exactly where you found them for other teams to find. If you keep them, you will lose valuable karma & points.

#127

64 POINTS

These Kung-Fu Nuns (dare we say “Nunjas?”) are biking through the Himalayas to stop human trafficking. (No, really.) In their honor, let’s see some tricks on a BMX bike. Rider must be dressed in a nun’s habit.

#128

84 POINTS

Get a Porcupanda or other gishwhes mascot included as an emoji on an official iPhone emoji list.

#129 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

57 POINTS

IMAGE or VIDEO. Pope St. Francis set up a laundromat to help the homeless get access to clean clothes. Follow his lead by setting up a service station to benefit the homeless or impoverished in your area (a “take what you need” public pantry, toiletries cabinet, water station, public shower, public toilet, laundry facility, open library, etc.).

#130 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

23 POINTS

A tactometer used to measure tact.

#131 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

33 POINTS

Make a collage that features things only locals from your town would know about. Display it prominently in a public space in your town.

#132

79 POINTS

Couch Surfing 2: The Revenge. Last year, in our infinite wisdom, we suggested “couch surfing: real surfing, real couch.” We quickly came to our senses and pulled the item for safety reasons, but it’s been a year and we don’t hold onto the past. Couch surfing: Let’s see it in the real surf with a BUOYANT (e.g.,inflatable) couch. You may not use a real couch as it’s too dangerous and bad for the ecosystem. Make it happen. (You may not leave any couches in any body of water and you must be super safe with this. If waves are too big, do not do it.)

#133

42 POINTS

Waste not, want not. Save every piece of non-biodegradable refuse that you would have normally thrown away from Days 1-5 of the Hunt and on day 6, use this material to create a sculpture of an endangered animal.

#134 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

21 POINTS

My wife is so trend-forward, she recently took a “goat yoga class” (it’s real; you can google it.) Without hurting, upsetting, or endangering ANY animal, show us the next trend in animal-infused yoga that she should get on board with.

#135 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

40 POINTS

THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! (Up to 30 seconds.) Freeze frame on a picture of you (like they do at the end of movies) and then roll a credit sequence for your own life. Include a “here’s what happens to you in the future” sentence or two and then a listing of the people that have helped you get where you are now or where you are going and what their “titles” are. Post this on the social media channel of your choice with the hashtags #gishwhes #mylife. Submit the video, and in the comment field provide the link to the post.

#136 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

29 POINTS

Often misunderstood and rarely properly pronounced, chupacabras just need a good home. Adopt one and show us your favorite bonding moment.

#137

51 POINTS

Take an elderly person (at least 70 years old) on a joyride in their favorite car (same make and model and vintage) from their youth. The elderly person must be at least 70 years old; the car, at least 60 years old... and you and the senior must be dressed in period attire that reflects the era when the car was manufactured.

#138 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

52 POINTS

Prejudice is something we can easily see and call out in others. However, we all have biases and prejudices of our own that we are often blind to. You’re going to have to dig deep here - but you’re a gisher, so we know you can do it. Show us you taking a step to overcome one of your own prejudices.

#139

61 POINTS

Each member of your team must knit or crochet one piece of a quilted throw that, when combined, showcases your team emblem or symbol.

#140 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

51 POINTS

Everyone talks about drum circles, but they grossly underestimate the power of other shapes. Create a complex shape with as many sides, angles or curves as you can, and demonstrate the power of percussion geometry - with as many drummers as you can drum up.

#141

42 POINTS

At least 8 people walking in twos, on the Tiger & Turtle in Duisburg, Germany as if it were an actual roller coaster. They must keep their hands up as they walk the track, except for one of the front “riders” who is clenching an invisible lap bar, terrified. It’s okay to be nauseous.

#142

80 POINTS

As all gishers know, a Gish Gallop can only be performed by a Forbes 1000 CEO in the lobby of that CEO’s company’s headquarters on a hobby horse or a live pony. Caption your video with the name of the company and CEO that we are watching as they Gish Gallop.

#143

41 POINTS

Sure, most Stormtroopers toed the line, but back in the 1960s there were a few draft-dodging peacenik Stormtroopers. Find a famous vintage photo of a peace sit-in or Woodstock-level love-in and flawlessly photoshop in one or more Stormtroopers. We must think it’s the real thing. As an alternative, you can stage your own “peace” picture and submit an “aged” stormtrooper sit-in image. YES, YOU MAY PHOTOSHOP THIS ITEM!

#144

37 POINTS

(Up to 30 seconds.) An impromptu concert consisting of a chocalho, an apito, a reco-reco, and a pandeiro. (Bonus POINTS if you perform in front of, or in, the Teatro Amazonas.) Oh, and of course the musicians are playing Carry On my Wayward Son by @kansasband.

#145 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

71 POINTS

Oversized board games are a trend, with oversized Jenga and such. Let’s see a game of tiddlywinks being played— scaled up to giant-sized.

#146

40 POINTS

Two nice suburban monster moms out for a day of shopping at Hoxton’s Monster Supplies in England.

#147

28 POINTS

Paint an extraordinary portrait of your favorite gishwhes mascot with the brand “D2N” (with the 2 backwards) on the Werregarenstraat.

#148

38 POINTS

Dress up as a superhero and perform acts of “kindness” heroism at Hősök tere (Hero’s Square).

#149

71 POINTS

(Time-lapse up to 25 seconds.) Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau gets a lot of attention for being super hot. Frankly, it’s starting to detract from his ability to govern. Cool things down by making a sculpture of Trudeau out of Canada’s most ample resource: ice. A couple of caveats: the frozen water you use must have something added to it to make it opaque, and inside the ice must be something emblematic of canada that doesn’t melt (for example, a hockey skate). The timelapse must be of the sculpture melting revealing the object hidden inside. Make sure to frame your shot with a fitting or neutral background so that the final product really pops.

#150

33 POINTS

Ireland has the lowest reports of UFO sightings in Europe each year. Something must be done about this! Make and display a convincing UFO in a public place in Ireland to increase the number.

#151

54 POINTS

Visit Cat Island (Tashirojima, Japan) dressed as a dog. You must have at least 10 cats in the photo.

#152

42 POINTS

Decorate the exterior of your home like the Pan House, using whatever object speaks to you.

#153

72 POINTS

Not to be quixotic, but wind power and automation are the future of personal grooming. Create a wind-powered device to automate a self-care process. Could be a wind-powered shoe shining machine, a wind-powered, toothbrush, etc. (It must actually work and must actually be powered by wind.)

#154

33 POINTS

There’s a UFO Observation Deck (redmonkeygroup.com) in Slovakia. On Sunday, August 6 at 3 PM Slovakian time, grab your friends and dress up as your interpretation of extraterrestrials and go there. Bring luggage and queue up outside of it as though you’re boarding to go back home (you don’t have to enter).

#155 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

40 POINTS

Over the years, we’ve had menstrual-hygiene supply sculptures of everything from dinosaurs to seagulls to puppies. We’ve also gotten a lot of flak for encouraging waste, and in protest gishers have donated thousands of menstrual pads to shelters, (which actually proves that in fact we at gishwhes can do no wrong). This final year’s list wouldn’t be complete without a menstrual-hygiene sculpture, so we’re ending this by splitting the difference: Create a tiny, perfectly sculpted statue of Michelangelo’s David or another famous historic sculpture of your choosing out of a SINGLE tampon, and then donate at least 1 box of menstrual hygiene supplies to your local shelter. Submit the image of your sculpture. The donation will be on the honor system. Remember, KARMA is a bitch.

#156

71 POINTS

Sure, Misha & HRH Queen Elizabeth II had a rocky year in 2016 with their “Brexit Breakup”, but despite a brief conscious uncoupling, theirs is a love that stands the test of time. Prove it by showing us Egyptian hieroglyphics, Greek urns, or other recently-unearthed archaeological finds that prove theirs is a love that has lasted through the ages. If you’re choosing to do a hieroglyphic, you may NOT permanently deface any stone - use chalk!

#157 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

38 POINTS

THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! NASA is soliciting tweets to send to Voyager 1. Tweet your suggestion with #gishwhes. I suggest it be the following theme: Voyager 1 ran to the store and you are texting to remind it to pick something up at the store. But we will permit messages of any type so let your imaginations run wild. Submit a screenshot of your post. Provide a link to the tweet in the comment field of the submit page.

#158 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

22 POINTS

Thanks to “reactions” we can now communicate our feelings more clearly to one another! But Facebook limits us to just 6 reactions and we at gishwhes HQ believe that this limitation constraints our ability to express nuanced emotions to one another. Let’s see an updated version of the Facebook “reactions” with feelings like “silently judging you”, “reacting positively to your face but planning to gossip about this later”, and “I’m just not sure how to feel about this” and other more subtle emotions. You may photoshop this item.

#159

47 POINTS

Who said you couldn’t Hunt while in hospital? Certainly not any of us! Show off your large-scale cartoon skills by writing the longest poem (or drawing the largest mural) you can, all about the adventures of a virus caught in a hospital, on a scroll made from a roll of exam table paper.

#160

41 POINTS

As you all know, my grandmother lives at Roland Park Place in Baltimore, MD. It’s a senior assisted-living home. She’s been hesitant to have the shenanigans of gishwhes descend, so let’s legitimize that fear... from Tuesday to Thursday 10AM to 4PM ONLY PLEASE! (DON’T SHOW UP AT ANY OTHER TIME OR IT WILL BE AN INCONVENIENCE TO THE GUESTS AT THE HOME and you will be docked POINTS!) Let’s invade Roland Park Place literally! Show up dressed as an extraterrestrial on an interplanetary goodwill mission. Bring an offering of your home planet’s favorite treats or creature comforts (games, large print books, slippers, slip-proof socks, soft blankets, etc) and specimens of natural beauty from this planet (humans like that). You will get 25% bonus POINTS if you perform this item at Roland Park Place (that’s the added value of nepotism), but you can get full credit if you perform this item at any retirement home/assisted living facility.

#161

87 POINTS

David LaChapelle is a renowned experimental photographer known for his kitsch-pop surrealist style. Recreate a well-known painting as a photograph in the style of David LaChappelle. Somewhere in your image there must be a banana, and you may not depict The Last Supper. (2X Bonus: get Dave Chappelle to star in your David LaChapelle homage.)

#162 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

33 POINTS

Lube luge. That’s it. That’s the item.

#163 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

60 POINTS

This Hunt’s must-have fashion trend: an aquarium hat with live fish. The aquarium hat must not endanger the live fish in any way.

#164

0 POINTS

REMOVED FOR REASONS - Get a bonafide zillow listing for property on Mars.

#165 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

28 POINTS

https://twitter.com/zenxv/status/845474882607632384

#166

38 POINTS

(Time-lapse up to 30 seconds.) Follow a tomato back in time from the local co-op to where the farmer grew it. Thank them for their service by sharing a sandwich with them… one that has slices of that tomato in it.

#167 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

29 POINTS

(Time-lapse up to 20 seconds.) There are two things that science has proven unequivocally: 1) global warming is happening and 2) sucking the melting ice cream from a tiny hole in the bottom of a sugar cone is the greatest possible pleasure in life. (Minimum 5 rounded scoops on top and you must suck all the ice cream through the tiny hole.)

#168

66 POINTS

When the apocalypse comes and the power goes out you are going to be sorry you are so digitally-dependent! Have your social media page printed on microfiche… just in case.

#169 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

27 POINTS

Write “Ass butt” (in non-toxic kids finger paint or chalk!) on the hindquarters of an Ass. (This should go without saying, but be careful & safe. Approach from the side, never stand directly behind it, and try to keep the donkey happy so you don’t get injured.)

#170

88 POINTS

Angels may be all-powerful, but they’re luddites (technologically behind the times) and it affects their productivity in the office. Let’s see an angel writing something on an old-school mechanical typewriter (not electric) featuring a working Enochian keyboard. (The keys and keystrokes must correspond to actual Enochian typeface.)

#171

41 POINTS

A stump grinder with a unicorn decal, being pushed by a child no more than 7 years old wearing a pink princess costume. (Edited because Misha is not much into stump-grinding and thought a stump grinder was something else.) It should go without saying, but this is a photo op. The stump grinder should not be on or operational. Safety first!

#172 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

32 POINTS

Now that this may be the last gishwhes-as-we-know-it ever, it’s time to reflect on missed opportunities. Let’s see the Item List Misha SHOULD have made all these years. Give us your team’s ideal gishwhes Item List with a minimum of 10 Items. If the majority of the items you create look like no thought was put into them (and you were just quickly writing down items to get the POINTS), you will receive zero POINTS.

#173 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

55 POINTS

Complete one of the more challenging items on your team’s homemade gishwhes Item List.

#174

0 POINTS

DELETED FOR REASONS - An Airbnb listing for the gishbus.

#175 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

36 POINTS

Everyone knows “high noon” means “high tea”. Bring a little bit of civilization to the frontier with Wild West teacup and saucer holsters.

#176

33 POINTS

For our gish cousins in the antipodes where the days are short and the nights are cold: Establish a “TLC” station at Federation Square, opposite Flinders Street Station in Melbourne or on the steps of the Opera House in Sydney, and provide a little warmth – be it a coffee, a heat pack, or simply a smile – for those making their journey to work on the cold winter mornings.

#177 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

44 POINTS

A Scottish terrier in a Scottish kilt eating a scotch egg in front of an Irish monument.

#178

54 POINTS

The Prague Astronomical Clock – or Prague orloj – is the third oldest astronomical clock in the world, and the oldest one still operating. But imagine if this feat of mechanical engineering did more than mark the passage of time... Imagine it could actually take you back in time! Gather your teammates, friends, and family members together and show us the time period you would travel back to if this historic clock warped the time continuum. Note: You and your time-travelling companions must be pictured in front of the clock.

#179

36 POINTS

(Up to 45 seconds edited.) Share an audio dream diary of your first thoughts as you wake up every morning of the Hunt (so you cannot submit this until the last day of the Hunt!). It must be the first thing you do before you get out of bed.

#180

111 POINTS

(Up to 30 seconds.) Cinema has evolved, but some actors don’t. Let’s see a silent film actress against a 1920’s style black-and-white-set. The actor/actress must have exaggerated facial expressions and the score must be nickelodeon-style piano music. Suddenly, the music changes… It’s hip hop and modern technology comes in with color and sync sound, but she’s still black and white and still mouthing words with title card.

#181 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

87 POINTS

THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! Let’s see a (SFW) 2,000 word essay published on twitter in 140 character bursts. (no attachments, etc.) about the best way to get pregnant for the 10th time. (I’m sorry, but I promised someone this would be an item.) Submit an image of the first post and then a link to this post in the COMMENT field of the submit page so we can check to make sure you “published” the whole thing.

#182 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

53 POINTS

THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! Seamlessly modify using photoshop (or other digital altering software), a well-know oil painting by adding in an anachronistic element. For example, if it were a Monet, you might put one of the ladies under a parasol holding an ipad. YES, YOU MAY DIGITALLY ALTER THE IMAGE YOU ARE SUBMITTING… with a catch. The anachronistic element must be rendered seamlessly into the image in the style of the original painter or creator. It must look like a part of the original composition; we should not be able to tell it was added in later. Post the image on FB and/or Pinterest. Submit the image you take on our site, but provide the link to your social media post in the comment field of the submit page.

#gishwhesModernMasterpiece

#183 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

53 POINTS

You are all soon going to be a part of a sinister plot to take over the world… in a unique way. But we need your help. Here’s the first thing you have to do: Decide what your favorite point of interest, historical site or national landmark is in your town or city and enter its address here: http://qrickit.com/qrickit_apps/qrickit_qrcode_creator_geo.php . Below the map on that webpage you’ll see an “optional text” field. Enter “Taken by CFG”. Then click “Qcreate” at the bottom. Download the QR code and submit it as your item. Stay tuned for what comes next...

#184

92 POINTS

(Up to 30 seconds if video.) Last year, we helped people around the world get access to clean water. But it’s been a year and the problem certainly hasn’t gone away. In fact, as global temperatures rise, the problem is only going to intensify. Work with your team to create a realistic (not a joke or parody) schematic or prototype of an easy-to-set up portable personal AWG (atmospheric water generator) system that could be used anywhere in the world. It must be cheap to build (aim for less than $10) with parts that can be found in any hardware store. It must be compact & light enough for a nomadic or homeless individual to carry around. Ideally, it would collect enough water in a day to sustain someone for that day.

#185 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

48 POINTS

Hug a national forest! Grab as many friends as you can and go to your favorite national forest or park and be tree huggers. Set the camera up so we can see all the tree hugging action clearly.

#186

46 POINTS

One of the biggest problems astronauts will face when they travel to Mars will be figuring out how to bring enough food for the three year journey. Porcupanda has offered the idea of making their spacecraft out of food. Show them how. Build an edible spacecraft using anything except “space ice cream” (Per our resident Director of Intergalactic Space Exploration, that stuff tastes like strawberry Styrofoam: “Bleecht!” as he so eloquently put it.)

#187

51 POINTS

Every year, the scientists at the NASA Jet Propulsion Lab make spectacular pumpkin carvings that put our humble Halloween jack-o-lanterns to shame (see https://www.wired.com/2016/10/watch-nasas-high-tech-pumpkins-action/). Whatever. What’s a rocket scientist got that you don’t have? Let’s see you out-do them! Show us your best and most outlandish WATERMELON-O-LANTERN carving. - Dave Lavery

#188 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

28 POINTS

For many years, military aircraft sported spectacular “nose art”— artistic homages to people, places, and ideas important to the aircraft crew. As aesthetically appealing as aircraft nose art may have been, we think they botched it on the choice of canvas. Show us your best nose art - but this time, get it right! All art must be on, around, or incorporate, your nose.

#189 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

32 POINTS

The World’s Worst Lawyer.

#190

51 POINTS

Oranges are the new black! Let’s see your most a-peeling cocktail dress all made out of - you guessed it - orange peels. Pose in a crowded urban bar.

#191

72 POINTS

(Up to 30 seconds time-lapsed and/or edited.) You didn’t think we were going to let all those oranges go to waste, did you? Wall Drugs has signs announcing Wall Drugs locations hundreds of miles before you get to the store, so drivers get to anticipate the goodness coming. Place signs along 5 miles of road leading up to an orange juice stand that speaks hyperbolically of the life-changing rejuvenation of the coming refreshment with a countdown of the miles. You must have a sign at least every quarter of a mile along the path. If this is insurmountable to you, at the very least, host a freshly-squeezed orange juice party in your backyard for all of your neighbors. You won’t get POINTS for that, but you’ll use the juice and make some friends.

#192

47 POINTS

(Time lapse up to 25 seconds). In our busy world, people sometimes forget to slow down and see the beauty around them. Perform a task at work extremely slowly while everyone around you carries on at normal speed. When this is played back in in time lapse, you’re performing at normal speed and it’s the world around you that’s going too fast.

#193 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

10 POINTS

The Riemann hypothesis of mathematics includes the Riemann zeta function, which categorizes some zeros as “non-trivial zeros” and others as “trivial zeros.” We think this unequal treatment of zeros, which are clearly all equal, is just wrong! Hold a protest in front of a university mathematics or computer science building with a sign that says something to the effect of”ALL ZEROS ARE EQUAL” or “NO ZEROS ARE TRIVIAL!”

#194 - Link

67 POINTS

Do you spend too much time indoors while you GISH? It’s time to get outside! Dust off your bicycle, grab a friend or two and go out and ride a 50-mile bike ride (this can be done over the entire period of the Hunt and may be done either on a long road trip somewhere or in different round trip legs to and from your house)! You must track your progress on a GPS drawing app. (Bonus POINTS if you draw a picture of a gishwhes mascot with your path.) Oh, by the way - you need to be wearing part of a pineapple or banana (in some fashion) while you ride. Submit an image of your GPS drawing. Yes, it would be easy to cheat on this item, but let’s all take the high road and practice honesty on this one.

#195

235 POINTS

(This video can be as long as it takes to do the job, but we hope the job goes quickly and it is gobbled up fast so the video is short!) Using a steel shredder, shred a decommissioned bus. It must be a full sized bus with at least 10 rows. It may be a school bus or a municipal bus. It may not be a VW MiniBus; it must have been built to seat at least 30. Paint a message that conveys the fact that gishwhes recycled becomes CFG (we’ll explain later). For example, you could write: “Recycled gishwhes = CFG” in large font the side of the bus. Feel free to word this differently, but convey that message. The bigger the bus the better. Oh and paint the windows of the bus to show it’s passengers. (Obviously no living being is in the bus.) Although you should upload a video as your submission, be sure to take pictures of the event in case we need those for the coffee table book (we’ll email you for them).

#196 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

62 POINTS

THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! THIS IS A TOP SECRET ITEM! DO NOT SHARE ITS CONTENT ON SOCIAL MEDIA UNTIL DIRECTED OR YOU WILL RUIN THE SURPRISE AND BE DELUGED WITH BAD KARMA. By now, most of you may know our friend Giles Duley. If not, watch the video at the top of this page. Then, watch here to see what he did with us recently: https://youtu.be/-tOt9LfZF9w ...and he’s doing something amazing with us again with us this year (which we’ll be announcing VERY soon). Giles inspires us and we want to thank him for all of his hard (and often thankless) work. So, we’re going to thank him... BUT WE’RE GOING TO SURPRISE HIM! SO PLEASE, PLEASE DO NOT POST ABOUT THIS UNTIL THE DESIGNATED TIME: On Friday, August 11th, at EXACTLY 9am PDT, we are going to give him a “thunderclap” of thanks on the Internet. Because Giles thinks EVERYONE can make a difference no matter their circumstances (and he’s a living embodiment of that), we’re going to prove it. Here’s your job: before the 11th, go out and do an act of kindness. But not just any act of kindness... Giles works hard to help refugee families and landmine victims, so your act of kindness should focus on expanding his work exponentially through the power of gishwhes and gishers. Do something that makes a meaningful, material difference in the life of either a refugee or someone who has been directly impacted by war. If you’re at a loss of how to do this, here are some suggestions: bring a care package to new refugees in your neighborhood, go to a refugee center and volunteer, bring a warm meal to a homeless veteran on the streets, volunteer at a soup kitchen where you know there are war veterans, make a donation to an organization that helps with reconstructive surgery and prosthetics for war victims, or sponsor a child made homeless by the war with a one-time or recurring donation. If you can’t manage to find or coordinate any of the above (but please try!), simply carry out a random act of kindness for another human being on the planet who could legitimately use some kindness. Dig deep on this one, guys. The goal is to cause a ripple effect from the work Giles is doing and expand it worldwide. Let’s do this. Capture an image or video of this act. At 9am PDT on Friday, August 11th, post the image or video on Facebook with a detailed description of what you did and crosspost to Twitter. Be sure to mention Giles in the post. (For Facebook, tag @GilesDuleyPhotography and on Twitter, tag @gilesduley with

#thanksGiles as the hashtag.) Submit the image or video you take on our site, but provide the link to your social media post link in the comment field of the submit page.

#197 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

24 POINTS

Play a few bars of a well-known tune on a well-known musical instrument—but not in the well-known manner. Play a cello tucked under your chin, a saxophone with mallets, or piano as a string instrument with a bow, that sort of thing. The more unexpected the utilization, the more POINTS. -David Pogue

#198

108 POINTS

CHANGE A LIFE. “It gives me hope. I feel special when I’m doing it. If something bad happens to me, all I have to do is dance...” -Timarandarin (14 years old)

Last year gishwhes worked with the charity Random Acts and Giles Duley’s Legacy of War to forever change the lives of three refugee families by raising over $250,000 in just a few days. Anybody who has seen these families’ smiles will know what an incredible impact we had working together.

This year, we are teaming up with Random Acts and Legacy of War again to grant the last wish of a dying woman, and in doing so, we will save the dreams of hundreds of children who live in some of the world’s poorest conditions.

Fiona Sargeant, a former ballet dancer from England, founded and runs a ballet school in an impoverished township in South Africa that for years has provided ballet instruction, meals, education, safe refuge and ultimately hope for hundreds of children. She is not a doctor, nor running a large foundation or charity, but she does know how to dance and she wanted to give back to the world. She is the living proof that EVERYONE can make a difference, if their heart is behind what they’re doing.

Sadly, Fiona has terminal cancer and only has weeks to live. Once she passes, she expects the school to be shut down. But there is a plan in motion that, if funded, would carry on her legacy. Let’s grant her dying wish and BY THE END OF THE HUNT let her know that her children will be taken care of long after she is gone.

She has no idea we are going to do this! We are going to surprise her with this colossal random act of kindness at the end of the Hunt!

We’ve created a Crowdrise page here that tells her story. DONATIONS ARE 100% TAX DEDUCTIBLE AND 100% OF THE DONATIONS GO TO THE SCHOOL (for countries other than U.S., deductions are contingent on your laws). The Gishwhes Item here: create a fundraising “page” for your team on Crowdrise where family, friends and others can donate. Since this is Gishwhes and there’s always an extra twist with everything we do, here’s the deal: we also want you to get OTHERS to donate to your team’s Crowdrise page. We know you don’t need “POINTS” as an incentive to help these kids, but since it is part of the Hunt, we want to maximize the power of these POINTS to help.

Here’s your assignment: start a page and get at least 10 donations from people or businesses NOT on your team. You and your team members are welcome to donate to your campaign, but that is not a requirement for POINTS— the Item requirement is to get at least 10 people to make a cumulative total of least 10 donations who are NOT on your team. There is no minimum amount to donate for GISHWHES purposes, but Crowdrise does require a minimum $10 donation be collected, and let’s all please encourage others to be generous above this so we can make a profound impact. SUBMIT a screenshot of your team’s page with a minimum of 10 donations on it. (To initially create a fundraising team, click the “Join the Team & Create Your Own Fundraiser“ button.)

#199

44 POINTS

Breaker, breaker! Tune in for details: CB Channel 27 (Frequency 27.27500) broadcasting near Lacy Park, San Marino, CA. (Latitude: 34.1204167 Longitude: -118.1201348) DATE & TIME: 8/7 12 PM PDT & 4:30PM PDT or 8/9 9 AM PDT. Listen on Broadcast CB CHANNEL 32 (Frequency 27.32500) broadcasting near Hermann Park Conservancy, Houston TX (Latitude: 29.7160286 Longitude: -95.3886413) DATE & TIME: 8/11 NOON CT

#200

72 POINTS

THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! She should run! First, research upcoming local, state, and federal elections in your area. Second, nominate, via social media posts, qualified female citizens you think should run for specific elected offices in those upcoming elections based on their qualifications and/or passion. Make a post on any or all of your social media handles, tag them (so they see it!), and explain why you want them to run, using the hashtag

#SheShouldRun. But your nomination post is not what you submit on our site! IF you manage to get a woman to publicly commit to running in the next election cycle this week via their social media, submit two images side-by-side: an image of your post “nominating” them to run, next to an screenshot of their social media post committing to run, and provide a link to their post in the comments field of the submit page. Note: Candidate must not have already announced their intent to run for office. We have assigned a special prosecutor to scour the internet for your candidate’s previous declarations of intent-to-run and will vet them.

#201

61 POINTS

Outside US: 00-1-323-645-0703 Within US: (323) 645-0703

#202 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

46 POINTS

A gisher wrote me recently stating, “I started gishwhes in 2015 myself and my children all joined in and had the best week of our lives, so much fun, so much love, so much laughter. In December 2015 I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer… But I didn’t let it beat me. We signed up for gishwhes 2016 and made beautiful art together and performed many acts of kindness to those around us and in need, my children now 10 & 8 have those lessons in their hearts now, to spread kindness and love to all around them! Unfortunately I am too sick to participate this year, but hope to still be here to see all the wonderful creations everyone makes, and if I’m not still here when gishwhes starts I will be watching down on you all, cheering everyone on.” Obviously, I cried when I read that. We emailed her back, but haven’t heard back… So this one’s for you, S. (and your kids), with love from me & everyone in the gishwhes family: Find a local hospital or cancer center and coordinate with them to deliver a comfort bag(s) to a patient. Fill a cheerfully decorated canvas or cloth bag with items to provide palliative relief and comfort to a cancer patient: soft eye masks, scarves, a soft blanket, socks, ginger tea or candy, unscented natural lip balm, sudoku or coloring books, puzzles, poems, etc. Include a note of support or encouragement if you wish. (Please don’t say “get well soon.” Phrasing like, “we’re sending you our love” is better.) Please do not take a picture with the recipient... Just the bag. We trust you to deliver.

#203 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

40 POINTS

THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! Bearby Von Bearamucci has an interview for a position as White House Communications Director on Saturday, August 12th at 8pm ET sharp! He was all set to drive the Gishbus across the country, but its engine wouldn’t start and he has a terrible fear of flying. He’s counting on gishers to help get him from Redding, California to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington, DC before his appointment (by passenger car or truck only. NO PLANES, TRAINS, SHIPPING SERVICES, OR BUSES). Your instructions are here. Coordinate with other gishers to pick up Bearby and take him at least 5 miles, but no more than 100 miles, from your starting point. On your leg of the journey, post a pic of you, Bearby, and the gisher you’re handing him off to at a diner, rest stop, or point of interest (please geo-tag the location). Tag @gishwhes, the next gisher, and @BearbyVonB and use hashtag

#GetTheBearThere. You MUST hand Bearby off to the next gisher to complete your Item or you get zero POINTS. Submit your photo with Bearby to us and provide a link to your post in the comments field of the submit page. You will get 40 POINTS if you take a picture with Bearby and a sign with your team name on it, or 60 POINTS if you take a photo with Bearby and transport him (please include side-by-side image of the map POINTS as well). If he makes it to his appointment at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue in D.C. by 8 PM ET on August 12th, you will get an additional 50% in POINTS (for a grand total of 60 POINTS for photo only, 90 POINTS for photo + transportation). Yes, we know how convoluted this item is and that it seems destined for failure— but I believe you’ll spit in failure’s eye and say, “Not today!” Sidebar: gishwhes HQ nearly came to blows as we debated over whether providing maps and tools to help facilitate your journey was “helping” and therefore “cheating”, but after a rousing bout of coleslaw-wrestling, “Team Give Them Maps” claimed creamy victory, and so you may use these resources to help you coordinate the journey. But feel free to ignore the map entirely. Because you’re better than that. IMPORTANT NOTES: 1. Members of the same team cannot collect multiple submissions for this item. 2. Make sure other teams get the chance to help Bearby! Yes, this means you can communicate and walk the line of “collaboration” in your hand-off attempts. 3. Individuals transporting Bearby must take him at least 5 miles or up to 100 miles in one trip. 4. You may NOT take him near your homes. We have a GPS locator on Bearby (due to past felonies) so we don’t want to compromise your home locations. 5. Do not exceed the speed limit by more than 5 miles per hour, because that’s what the cops are cool with, obviously. This isn’t Cannonball Run. Make it happen, gishers. Bearby is counting on you to help him land his dream job!

#204 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

40 POINTS

Escape Gishwhes! https://www.gishwhes.com/escape-room/. If you manage to break out of this wild ride of mystery and mayhem, you’ll be prompted to enter your Team Name to document your success via an online form. BEFORE YOU HIT THE SUBMIT BUTTON, take a screenshot showing your team name in the Text Input Field and save the image, THEN hit the SUBMIT button. Your submission will be uploading the screenshot on our item list (backed up by what the online form sends gishbot).

#205

28 POINTS

We’ve received a bit of criticism that the hunt is “not really a scavenger hunt, it’s just Misha getting people to help him with his chores.” I’m honestly shocked anyone would say that! Also, people have been complaining that there are “too many geographically specific items” (items that require you to show up at a certain place). I want you to know that I’m listening and processing your feedback! So, I’m adding the following item: Help me help you help me help myself. Show up at 10 AM PDT sharp on August 11that this location in Bellingham, WA. Wear long sleeves (pants and shirt) and bring a small bucket. Pick at least ONE quart of blackberries and DEPOSIT them into my big vessel so I can make lots of jam. For the item submission you must do two things: 1) You must find the woman in the sock monkey hat with the sheet of paper who is taking down team names and 2) You must take a photo of yourself with your bucket of berries. We will cross-check our list with your submitted photo as your proof. No taking pictures with me, because last year we did that and it ended up taking forever. If no one one on your team lives nearby, you may assign a surrogate, but no surrogate may service more than one team.

#206 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

17 POINTS

We got this letter to our support gnomes:

Name: [REDACTED]

Message : Hello Gishpeople. I want to question why there are so many specific-locations-that-aren’t-Sweden only items, and no Sweden only items. I speak for all Swedes when we say that we find this very saddening. We don’t understand how you could miss out on an opportunity like this, since Sweden is a very beautiful country, containting great things such as Dalahästar.

We, as a nation, expect a formal apology for this, of course.

All our love, and some sad wonders,

[REDACTED]

Sweden, you’re absolutely right! You are a beautiful country and it’s time we stopped overlooking you. You deserve a formal apology as requested and so in the interest of international diplomacy, it’s our duty to deliver and rectify this egregious oversight. With that in mind, (I hope you’ll forgive me but this is a location-specific image to appease Sweden, guys): Take a picture of yourself in front of the biggest landmark or point of interest in your town while holding a beautiful hand-lettered sign that reads, “We Are Sorry, Sweden”. This is a location-based item, so you may do this anywhere in the world... except Sweden.

#207 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

48 POINTS

Nothing says “good life choices” like a last-minute rush job tattoo. Get inked with a tattoo that includes “We create therefore we live” or another gishy quote written in any language other than English. Feel free to adorn it with mascots or other hunt-inspired iconography. PS: Don’t try to repurpose an old tattoo— we’ll be able to tell and your team will be docked POINTS.

#208

18 POINTS

As you know, no one was able to successfully find Jared Padalecki or Jensen Ackles’ balls in Canada. Misha’s balls are a lot easier to find... maybe because they really get around. Find Misha’s balls in any of the following locations & take a picture with them. Then put them back EXACTLY where you found them so another team can have a chance to get their hands on Misha’s balls, too. LOCATIONS: near the Cathedral Basilica, Newark, NJ; outside Gatorland, Orlando, FL, near Rothko Chapel in Houston, Texas.

#209 - Click Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<

77 POINTS

Gishwhes is over tonight! Forever! The crumbs of the great multi-year, wild and weird global feast are soon to be all that’s left. Let’s see you work magic on these crumbs (real bread crumbs or whatever other crumbs you wish to use) and turn them into a portrait of actor Misha Collins.

#gishwhes2017 #gishwhes #gishwhesitemlist #teamgishtastrophe

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siodymph · 7 years

Text

Science Bros Day 4

I gotta say, of all the prompts this year I was the most excited for this one. I’d been thinking of an idea for this story and when I saw the word “pierce” I figured out how to try and put it together.

This is inspired by a hulk comic I read years ago, but for the life of me I can’t remember the name or issue. I think it was a one-off story, possibly apart of the “What if?” stuff. Basically the premises was Bruce got sent to either the future or an alternate dimension where humanity had fallen into post-apocalyptic ruin. And because of Bruce’s powers the radiation only made him stronger and he ruled as king over a whole city of survivors who worshiped and feared him. There was also an underground rebellion trying to take the Hulk down and free everyone from his tyranny. I think they were also the ones to bring Bruce to their world and ask for his help. (If anyone recognizes this story and could let me know where it came from, I’d be eternally grateful! lol)

So for my story today, both Bruce and Tony have been sucked into the alternate universe and agreed to help the rebels in their fight, only to come face to face with their ruler, the Incredible Hulk!

Hope you enjoy this and if you have any requests feel free to send them my way by the 21st of July!

You can read this story under the cut or over on my AO3!

word count: 4593 (rip folks on mobile, this is my longest story for this week.)

Coarse sand on his skin was the first thing Bruce felt when he slowly began to regain consciousness. Groaning, he shifted and tried to lift his face off the ground and open his eyes.

Sand and dirt. Lots of it. He could see giant hills in the distance. Billowing hot wind blew sand off the top of the dunes. The emptiness, the heat, but there was something else that Bruce could feel. Something was seriously wrong. It made Bruce’s instincts scream at him to run, hide, anything besides lying there like a sitting duck.

Where the hell had he woken up?

He couldn’t remember being knocked out, and he also couldn’t remember what had triggered the Other Guy either. But he must have, how else would he end up in a dump like this? He let his face fall back into the dirt, racking his brain to try and remember what happened. What could he last recall?

They had all been together. The Avengers Team. They were with Thor’s family in Asgard. They had been preparing to travel across the Bifrost home when… something started to interfere.

Bruce’s eyes shot open when it all came back to him.

He hadn’t transformed. That interference was enough to disrupt the bridge, warping it. Everyone one else had been on one side, but he and Tony… Oh god, Tony…

“TONY!”

He looked desperately around him, searching for any sign of red or gold, and spotted him a few yards behind where he fell. He was on his hands and knees. Staring at the ground.

Bruce scrambled for footing on the sand and rushed over to him.

“Tony! Oh my god, shit, I’m so sorry! Are you ok?”

Bruce reached out to touch his shoulders but pulled back when Tony raised a pointed finger in the air. Give him a minute. Bruce obliged, giving Tony some space and take care of himself. But he still felt horrible. It had taken the original team members, those closest to Tony, days to persuade him to come with them to Asgard. They all knew how he felt about teleportation but they had really needed his help. And now looked what happened? After all the times they had reassured Tony that everything would be fine.

Bruce stepped back, giving him space to breath, and looked more closely at their surroundings. All around him, seeming to stretch out forever was a complete wasteland. Bruce couldn’t even define it as a desert. At least deserts had some growth, some life hidden within it. But this was just… Nothingness. And for how hot it felt, Bruce couldn’t see the sun. Colossal red clouds covered the sky, so thick sunbeams could hardly pierce them. They definitely were on earth. Anywhere humanoid. Anywhere that even developed life possibly.

And Bruce’s instincts were still going berserk. He closed his eyes to focus on the feeling more. Normally if he’d woken up somewhere unfamiliar after changing into the Hulk, he’d feel exhausted. Weak enough to fall back asleep. And as a medical doctor, he knew that even if he hadn’t transformed, he should still feel tired or even sickly from this heat and dehydration. But he felt fine. In fact, he’d go as far as to say he felt good. Energized, in a way no normal human should in this state. He looked carefully down at his hands. And for a brief, terrifying moment, his skin seemed to ripple with green. It disappeared just as quickly as it came, almost making Bruce think it was a trick of his eyes. He clenched his hands into fists. He felt strong. Even without transforming he felt strong. In his experience within labs and backpacking around the world, he discovered only a tiny handful of circumstances that could make him feel like this.

“Tony?” Bruce asked, carefully stepping back towards him while he was still composing himself. “Normally I would suggest taking off the helmet, but right now you really, really shouldn’t. I this area is radioactive.”

Tony brought his hand up, scanning the area. And when he finally spoke he sounded tired. “Yep, high too.”

Tony seemed to be alright now and accepted Bruce’s hand as he pulled him up to his feet, suit and all.

“Where the hell are we?”

Bruce looked out at the wasteland, completely alien. “I have no idea. I’m sorry.”

Tony’s hand clench into a fist, and Bruce heard him breath heavily over the mic in his suit. “Well that’s just perfect! I can’t reach anyone. I can barely talk with Friday-”

“Wait, get down.” Bruce, grabbed his arm and tried to pull Tony down. But it was too late.

There was a group of figures sprinting towards them. Directly towards them.

“Get behind me.” Tony said briskly, standing in front of Bruce and readied his gauntlets to attack.

But the figures raised their hands in surrender. Tony let them get closer, though his hands were still raised. As they got closer Bruce saw how they were all wearing hoods and googles. Only three of them had obvious firearms but they were holstered. Nobody had weapons drawn actually.

When they were finally close Bruce realized just how young they all looked, they were all college-age at best. Maybe even high-school. One of the people stepped forwards, the leader Bruce could only assume. She pulled down her hood, openly gaping at the two of them.

“It worked...” She breathed, awed. “It actually worked!”

If Bruce could see Tony’s face he was sure he’d be furious. “Woah! What worked? What did you kids do to us?”

“We were trying to send out a distress signal and you answered it! Right?”

“Try dragged out of mid-teleportation!” Tony snapped. “Did you have any idea what you were doing?!”

Bruce touched Tony’s shoulder as he stepped out from behind him. He wasn’t happy about their current situation either but he didn’t want to escalate the situation any further. These were the only people they came across, in an area Bruce had thought was inhospitable. They needed answers more than anything. “Ok, but why? Why were you sending a distress signal?”

“We needed help! You’re help exactly, Dr. Banner.”

“Wait, you know me?”

“I’ll explain everything once we get to shelter. But please, we must get out of here now. If we-” She stopped mid rant when everyone heard the sound of a drone. Above them an electric blue craft circled above them slowly before flying off. The whole group became terrified and the leader turned back to Bruce and Tony. “You have to believe us! If we’re caught all is lost! Please!”

Tony and Bruce looked at each other, then back at the group.

“Well… not like we have any other choice.”

~~~

They were taken by the group to a cave network. And that was only after what felt like hours of riding on hover-bikes. It was hard to guess the time when you couldn’t see the sun, just over-cast clouds.

And once they were out of the elements things felt even more muddled. Soon though the group approached a gate. One that seemed centuries away from the rest of the technology these kids had access to. Like their scrapped-together weapons and rusty hover-bikes, everything was obviously home-made or at least repaired older models. But this thing seemed sleek, metallic, something Tony would have designed in his workshop back at home.

The leader punched a code into the door and ushered them into a room lined in lasers. One of the guys spoke as everyone was scanned. “This is the only way to ensure our base of operations stays safe. If you’re made of the right stuff there are plenty of entrances. But if you’re not, you’ll easily find there are no exits.”

“Cryptic.” Tony replied dryly.

A siren began blaring when the lasers fell over Bruce. And the leader quickly hurried back to the wall. “Hang on!” After a few muttered curse words the alarms finally shut down. Then the entire floor began to sink, and she hoped back onto the platform.

“I uh- I apologize, are security program considered you a threat at first. Sorry about that Dr. Banner.”

“Understandable… I guess.” Bruce said, sparing a glance to look up. From the speed the platform was taking, they were descending fast. The laser room was quick becoming a spec above them. “So, is it alright to get some answers now?”

“Yes, we owe you as much, more probably. My name is Talia.” The leader, Talia, answered. She took a moment to breath before continuing, getting her thoughts in order. “Our world didn’t always look like… that, out there. It used to be full of life. But then humanity turned on itself. They did something unforgivable and irreversible. Nothing grows now. It’s dangerous to stay out for too long. But from what our resources know, only a few scattered camps and villages of mutants can survive out in the wastelands. All we have is the city, it’s the only place safe from the radiation we know of.”

As she spoke, Talia and her team began taking off the covering and head gear. Everyone seemed to be wearing colors that might have once been bright neon but had been turned blander and dirtier from so much time outside and in caves. Tony popped his helmet off as they went down, suffering quietly with a serious case of helmet hair.

“How long has it been like this?” Bruce asked.

“Generations.” Talia said. “Humanity as we currently know of it has only survived due to our city. Vast enough to be called a kingdom. It was built by a brilliant man, but ever since it has been ruled by a monster. His rule is tyrannical, letting those he doesn’t favor suffer in squalor while a select few are brought to live in his palace as servants. Most people in the city consider him a god. But we know the truth. He’s not human, and considers everyone he’s supposed to care for as expendable. Unworthy of autonomy. He was alive before the apocalypse, and instead of the radiation killing him, it only made him stronger. Enhanced super strength, senses, intelligence. His entire body is indestructible. And he’s next to immortal with no weaknesses. He calls himself “the Emperor””

“So how do you expect us to take him down?” Tony pushed.

“We’ve been training in secret our whole lives. My people and I could take on the Emperor’s soldiers. If we strategize correctly. But none of us could ever take on the Emperor himself and survive. Only someone with superhuman powers comparable to his…” Talia, and her whole team turned to look expectantly at Bruce.

“Ok, how do you all know so much about me?” Bruce demanded, this was starting to get really weird. “If this earth went through an apocalypse years ago, how would you even know about the past?”

The platform came to a stop finally and two steel doors pulled apart, revealing a giant space, filled with glass cases and computers. Talia stepped forwards, hands outreached, obviously trying to calm down the situation as everyone in the lift got on edge. “We know because we learned. About our history, laws of science and morality, all our heroes of the past. We were taught much about you Dr. Banner, as well as you Mr. Stark. We have a library and museum full of ancient records and artifacts. It’s one of the most precious things in our base of operations. If the Emperor ever found out, we would truly be destroyed… And since our Avengers perished centuries ago, we reached out to other realities. And you were brought here to us. To help us defeat the Emperor. If you transform, you could be his equal, you could beat him.”

Bruce sighed, bringing his hands to his face. And following Talia and the others out of the lift and into their base. “There’s only one problem, when I… transform as you put it, it becomes an alternate personality. I have no control over myself. I refuse to let him loose near people, certainly not in humanity’s last standing city. I could destroy everyone.”

Talia thought for a moment, rethinking her plans.

An old lady in a wheel chair rolled over to Bruce before Talia could say anything. “What if we found a way to evacuate the area? It would have more risk, if we create too much disturbance the Emperor will be even more suspicious than he already is. But what if we managed to isolate the area? Could you risk transforming then? Because if we don’t have you, there’s no point in attacking the big green bastard!”

“Green?” The irking he got while Talia explained her history, the horrible feeling he’d had ever since landing here seemed to reach a peak and he knew in his heart who the Emperor was.

“The only man unbeatable enough to survive the end of the world.” The old woman said bitterly. “Look, if you can’t do it we’ll wait for our next chance. Send you and Mr. Stark back as soon as possible. Keep our history safe, teach the next generation and the one after that if we have to. We can’t risk losing our only base. But if you can, for the love of god, just help us Bruce.”

Bruce thought it over. It was risky. But how could he stand to the side when there was a chance he could do something to stop it?

“Ok. I’ll do it.”

All around him people began clapping and cheering. Talia looked relieved. And the old Lady, the actual leader of this rebellion Bruce now assumed, had a resigned look on her face. Lips set to a stiff frown. “We’ll strike tomorrow afternoon, when the Emperor visits the industry district. And at Dr. Banner’s request, we’ll spread the word to get as many people out of the area as we can. In the meantime we all must prepare for combat!”

Everyone cheered again and Bruce wondered what the hell he and Tony just got dragged into.

“Well, this should be interesting.” Tony said nudging his side.

~~~

Tomorrow came quickly and Bruce soon found himself dressed in similar wears like the rest of the rebels. Hidden in plain sight as they milled about the so-called factory district. Everyone was waiting. Soldiers in what looked like a fusion of mech-suits and gladiator armor began walking into the area, but there was no signs of the Emperor arriving yet.

Everyone one around him seemed excited. They were all full of confidence and restless energy, ready to take on whatever came their way. All last night Tony had helped improve everyone’s firearms and devices. And now he was hiding somewhere in the Iron Man suit, ready to give their forces air support and eyes.

“Any sign of the Emperor!” The old lady bark over their com-links.

Bruce heard Tony reply first. “No, no sight of- Wait… Here he comes! Oh my god!” It took him a moment to realize he was laughing, not crying or gasping for air.

“Get a hold of yourself Stark!” The Old Lady snapped.

“Sorry, my bad. Oh my god, Bruce you’re gonna love this! He looks so old! Got a big grey beard and everything!”

“And he’s the most sinister, powerful mastermind on this planet so you better watch your back right now!” The Old Lady snapped back. “Everyone listen up! This is it! This is everything we’ve been working for. Long before I came into this world, generations of students have been waiting for this day. Fight for everything you stand for, everything within you!”

The last part came in a rushed growl as the Old Lady was no doubt preparing to fight herself. “But if we fail today, if anyone is captured and questioned, for the love of all that is sacred keep your damn mouth shut! Our families have been waiting for generations and our only hope is being able to wait and remember! But today students we fight! For Humanity! For our history, and for our future!”

In the distance, a colossal chariot drove towards them. It took up the entire road and stood at the same height as some of the buildings. And Bruce could see a green figure standing behind it. An old Hulking green monster. Looking directly at him.

“Now.”

The people, the kids surrounding him charged, unsheathing their weapons. Directly attacking the soldiers all around them. The gladiators were caught by surprise and struggled to match the mob closing in on them. It was madness. Chaotic enough he began to feel flashes of green without feeling mad. The Other Guy really wanted to fight, but Bruce tried to hold him off as long as he could. He at least wanted to clear past all the soldiers and rebels before changing. Above, Bruce watched as Tony rocketed forwards, he was supposed to cut off the chariot’s pathway, hold off and weaken the second wave of soldiers running towards the mob.

But he went too far. He was getting too close to the chariot. Bruce wanted to scream but it happened so fast it was already too late.

The Emperor stood up and swatted at him like he was a housefly. And as Tony dodge his giant green hands, he was still for just a second too long and a burst of something powerful and blue struck Iron Man.

TINMAN!

He felt the Other Guy shutter through his mind, but tried to keep him at bay. Not yet… please not yet…

“Tony! Tony can you hear me?”

Bruce heard Tony grunt on the other end. “Shit! Whatever that was it just completely shut down the suit. Ripped right through it. Friday’s offline. Everything is down- Shit!”

When Bruce looked up to where Tony had fallen he saw soldiers all around the Iron Man suit. Piercing it with spears the same glowing color as the burst of energy. Prying it apart like a nut. When the suit was destroyed Bruce saw them drag Tony up, bringing him directly to the Emperor. Bruce’s stomach dropped down to his feet.

“Keep fighting! We can’t give up now!” Talia screamed over the coms.

“NO!” The old lady yelled louder.

“But Grandma Barton we can’t give up now!” Talia begged.

But the old Lady, Ms. Barton refused. “Everyone stop right now, back away from the soldiers. Get out of here if you can. And Banner don’t you dare change! They knew we would be here… we’ve been compromised.”

All at once the mob scattered, adults and teenagers ran in every direction. Many made it out. But Bruce and the rest were corralled into a square formation. The Emperor looked at them all, full of irritation and annoyance.

And the green filling Bruce’s vision was lasting longer and longer. Still he tried to hold the Hulk off. If this Emperor knew about the attack then he probably knew about Bruce and Tony. That would explain why he didn’t look surprised by the sudden appearance of the first fully-functioning Iron Man in centuries. And that meant he was probably prepared for Bruce too. Probably even wanted him to transform.

He tried to keep himself in control. Especially when the Emperor stood from his chariot, reached down swiping Tony into one hand, and began approaching the group of rebels.

“This is how you repay me?” He rumbled. His voice sounded too much like the Other Guy, but it was so strange to hear him speak in full sentences, not to mention the cracked worn age in his voice too. “For all I’ve done for humanity. I built this city for you, kept you safe from the radiation, from the sickness. And in turn you all conspire against me, make plans to kill me… As if I could be killed.”

His voice seemed to drip with venom at those last words. He held Tony higher and began squeezing him. Bruce could see Tony struggle not to make any noise.

“I am not without my mercies however. I made a promise to protect humanity, not destroy it. I will forgive you all, children. But only after you show some sacrifice for your crimes today. A sacrifice in imprisonment, for all of you. And…” When he spoke, the Emperor had glanced from person to person, seemingly randomly. But as he squeezed Tony further, he looked directly at Bruce.

“The immediate destruction of this man.”

When he clenched his fist still tighter, Tony couldn’t hold back a scream he’d been biting down. Bruce could see the pain on his face, his hands were clawing at the Emperor’s grip, even as fruitless as it was.

The Other Guy went insane in his head.

HE HURTING TINMAN!

Please no. He begged inside his mind, trying to shut off the tidal wave of green surging through him. It’s what he wants. This is a trap.

HULK NOT CARE! HE KILLING TINMAN!

He knew a transformation was inevitable. The last thing he heard before falling to the back of his mind was Ms. Barton demanding he not change while the young rebels all around him were screaming in terror…

When Hulk took control, he saw little humans scurrying all around his feet, running towards crummy buildings to hide.

But he didn’t care about them. His focus was solely on the Old Bully who was hurting his Tinman. The Old Bully had stopped squeezing Tinman. He was setting the Tinman down in his chariot.

“Step out of this chariot and you will be crushed.” Hulk heard him threaten his Tinman which only made rage course stronger through him. Then the Old Bully finally turned to face him again, smirking. “Dr. Banner I presume?”

Hulk roared at him. A roar that left all of the Bully’s men quaking and running but the Bully wasn’t fazed. He looked disappointed actually.

“I see… You’re from a world and time where you haven’t learned to control your powers? That’s a shame, I was looking forwards to an intellectual equal. But this should still be interesting.”

Hulk didn’t want to talk. That’s what Banner was for! He was for fighting and yelling! So he charged at the old Bully with raised fists.

But much to his surprise despite how wrinkly the older Hulk looked, he was still swift. Easily dodging Hulk’s slamming fists and bringing how own down, hard onto the Hulk’s chest. And it stung!

“I bet you think you have multiple personalities. You do, don’t you?” The Old Bully asked, shoving Hulk away. “It’s much easier that way… You always have somewhere to put all your anger and fear. A way to disassociate. A way to blame yourself without actually blaming yourself.”

Hulk aimed his hits at the Bully’s jaw. To make him shut up. Hulk didn’t like the things this mean old bully was saying. But the Bully kept talking and he shoved Hulk through the wall of some big building. The inside reeked of chemicals. And the Bully just kept on talking!

“You’re not two different creature Bruce. You’re not a man cursed either. It all you. It always was. Even this infantile manifestation of your rage.”

Hulk charged again, roaring. This Bully kept on using big words Hulk didn’t remember but he hated the tone in his voice. It made him want to smack him into the ground, beat him till his pride broke. If he could just land a damn hit on him! The old Bully kept dodging and deflecting everything Hulk through at him. And despite getting angrier, he didn’t feel any stronger. When the Old Bully shoved him back into a giant vat, he didn’t feel a burn as it burned at his skin. Hulk just pulled himself back up to go hit him again.

But even he couldn’t keep this up forever. As they continued to brawl, Hulk could feel that sleeping feeling creep in. That was his signal Bruce would wake up. He couldn’t wake up Bruce yet. He had to beat this stupid bully first!

Then for a brief second the bully stopped. Looking Hulk up and down. Thinking of something.

“Perhaps I could show you… I could teach you. Help you embrace all of your egos as I have. Help you realize your full potential.”

Hulk snarled at him, spitting a little bit of acid he’d kept in his mouth in the Bully’s face. Out of all the things he tried that day that was the only thing to catch the Bully off-guard. Hulk grinned at the Bully’s disgust as he wiped acid off his face.

“Ugh! You disgusting- Guess I’ll have to teach you manners too!”

Before Hulk could pull away, the Old Bully grabbed him by the shoulders and knocked his skull into his. Stars spun behind Hulk’s eyes and he tried to pull away. But the Bully’s grip wouldn’t let up and he threw both out them outside and slammed Hulk onto the ground.

He was exhausted now. He was too weak. Banner was going to wake up soon. He could feel it.

“Oh no you don’t.” The Bully growled, slapping him across the face. “Your first lesson is this, you can’t use your personalities to escape, Bruce. You got to suffer through all your consequences. There is no Hulk.”

Hulk weakly tried to force the Bully off of him but he didn’t move. Hulk saw him hold something yellow and thin in his hand. And then he quickly brought it up Hulk’s arm. It burned as it cut through him. It pierced his skin. Hulk was unbreakable. Hulk was supposed to be unbreakable, but this needle pierced his skin! Hulk hated needles, hate having people poke and prod at him. He wanted to fall asleep, have Banner come back.

But he wasn’t change back now. Whatever the Bully forced into him was keeping Banner away. Hulk realized he couldn’t even hear Banner. Where the hell was Banner?!

He hated how helpless he felt. The old Bully picked him up and put him in a chair. Metal clamps came down on his hands, feet and neck. Hulk hated being pinned down. Hulk hated being trapped! He looked around desperately, hoping he might find Banner. God, he wanted Banner to come back right now. He’d know what to do…

He felt a tiny weight be settled in his opened palm. The old Bully dropped Tinman in his hand.

“You ok big guy?” Tinman said, rubbing at his thumb. “Big guy?”

Hulk wanted to respond but his mouth felt fuzzy and weird. His whole body felt fuzzy and weird.

“What the hell did you do to him?!” Tinman shouted at the Bully.

“What was necessary.” Was the only answer the stupid, old, stupid bully gave. Then the chariot was off, rolling away from all the little rebels.

Tinman kept rubbing at the hand he sat in. “Hey, hey, come on look at me big guy. It’s gonna be ok. I know you’re scared. I’m scared too. But we’ll figure this out and get out of here together. I promise.”

Figuring things out was Banner’s thing. Hulk tried to focus of the weight of Tinman in his hand while his eyes shut. Usually when he was tired he could feel Banner there, ready to wake up in his place. But right now he couldn’t feel anything. And as he closed his eyes he could only wonder desperately what on earth the Old Bully had done to his Banner.

#sciencebrosweek #science bros week #post apocalyptic au #science bros #day 4 #pierce

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shirlleycoyle · 4 years

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The Best Thing You Can Do For ‘Math Girl’ Is Leave Her Alone

You're a 16-year-old girl who's into theater and works at Wegmans. You're trying to live through COVID-19 and go to college. You have a TikTok account that's somewhat popular, but nothing to write home about. You post a video without thinking about it much. Suddenly, everyone on Earth has decided that you're the stupidest girl in the world. Gracie Cunningham would prefer to go back to how things were, but it doesn't seem likely.

If you've been on Twitter over the last month, you probably know Chapman as "math girl." In a casual TikTok video, she does her make up and asks, how do we know that math is real? It's at once the kind of question you ask when you're high and the kind of question that drives high level mathematical theories.

Cunningham has had a TikTok go minorly viral before, but it was nothing compared to what happened with this one. Cunningham said that she posted the video, not thinking much about it, and then went to sleep. By the time she woke up, it was already more successful than any other video she has made. Over the next few days it would surpass five million views. At first, she didn't know where the attention was coming from. Then, browsing Instagram, she saw a post on a meme account that was a screen capture of a Tweet featuring her TikTok. The person on Twitter who had downloaded her video had captioned it "this is the dumbest video I've ever seen." That account has since been suspended, but not after that video, with the caption, was circulated thousands of times. Cunningham's TikTok video now has 1.3 million views.

Cunningham told me she thinks the only reason people treated her like she didn't know anything is because she's a girl. She saidshe's used to this, and for the most part, it's because she's blond, and people think blond girls are stupid.

"When the video first started going viral and everyone was calling me stupid," Cunningham said over a Zoom call, "I was talking to my friend and I was like, if it was some guy in his basement talking about this, nobody would have an issue."

Academics who teach high level math, as well as engineers and other professionals who use those theories, agree with Cunningham's assessment. One white british man in his 30s recorded himself saying the exact same thing as Cunningham did in her TikTok, just to see if it would sound "smarter" to other people.

Harvard PhD student Kareem Carr used Cunningham's TikTok as a way to answer abstract questions about math in a spirited, easy to understand way:

Sean Carroll, a physicist at CalTech, further backed up Cunningham, saying her questions were important and "can and should be addressed in a decent algebra course." In the replies to that tweet, the screenwriter for the upcoming worm-fest Dune said that Cunningham seemed like a "thoughtful person ready to have her mind blown by a well-prepared math teacher."

Chapman had a Twitter account but said that she only used it occasionally. When she logged back in and started responding to the criticism of her video, she gained 30,000 followers virtually overnight. The fact that you can say "the math girl" and people know that you're talking about her is a fact that still stuns Cunningham.

Cunningham appreciates all the support she's received, especially from professionals and academics that use high level math, but she said that she hates math. Right now, even the positive attention is alienating for her. Cunningham doesn't have any desire to be a mathematician or engineer. She wants to survive COVID-19 and go to college. Instead of being able to have fun online and retain her identity, anything she posts will add to the story of the persona of Math Girl, which she never asked for.

"My mom was talking to me and she's like, you should make it a series," Cunningham said. She's also posted TikTok about the nature of time and the weird way that no one in movies seem to say "goodbye" when they hang up the phone.

"But anytime I post something like that, people are like, you're just clout chasing," she said.

Being Math Girl has thrust Cunningham into the spotlight in other ways. At one point, a group of people looked through her old TikToks. In one, she asks how we know history actually happened—how can we tell what has happened in the past if we're only aware of our subjective present? New attention on that video lead some people to believe she was denying the reality of slavery.Cunningham said that even after she addressed the controversy of that video, people were sharing photoshopped images depicting Cunningham being racist in direct messages with other users. The idea that people would believe something like that about her made her anxious, because she also knew that that kind of disinformation is hard to combat.

"I've struggled with mental health issues, like my whole life," Cunningham said. "It made it 10 times worse to have like this public presence wall. I had a panic attack for like an hour that night cause I was so freaked out. There were like five, ten accounts that were just tweeting about me nonstop."

When you go viral, it isn't actually you that goes viral. It's a snapshot of yourself, from a fleeting moment in time. Watching that version of yourself become the version of yourself that everyone else sees and knows is an alienating experience, almost an out of body experience. The narrative arc of Math Girl may be triumphant, with mathameticians defending her from the sexists who called her stupid. But Gracie Cunningham is still here, and now she has this part of herself that people will continue to refer to for the rest of her life. It's a weirdness that expresses itself in particularly strange ways, like Shark Tank's Mark Cuban following her on Twitter.

"I was like, 'Oh my God, you should let me guest on Shark Tank.' And he was like, 'I'll talk to the producers,'" she said. Cunningham had only asked to be on as a joke, so getting a serious response was surprising to her. "Why? I haven't done anything!"

The Best Thing You Can Do For ‘Math Girl’ Is Leave Her Alone syndicated from https://triviaqaweb.wordpress.com/feed/

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maladaptive-ninja-returns · 3 years

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It’s The Avengers (03x12)

Loki x Reader Avengers The Office AU (Slowwwwww Burn)

Season 3 Episode 12: The Double Effect

Warnings: ehehehehehe

Word Count: this chapter happened every time I tuned out my decision making brain, and the world, and just picked my laptop to go sit somewhere that is not cozy enough to fall asleep.

MASTERLIST in bio, darlings. Tags are open (check bio)

A mellifluous note from a violin took over the speakers kept on the coffee table before a prima donna voice did a Snow White-esque intro. The camera sitting on the floor captured the graceful and delicate toes tipping their way before swirling three times. Another pair of feet came in the frame to let it capture two stoic bodies in their perfect ballet stance before they both dropped their head and twerked their behind at the tunes of the fairy tale WAP, revealing the faces of Tony Stark and his mentee. The exquisite routine ended with the same fervour that Tony Stark reserved for his biggest balls, leaving the two breathless and the audience- that was just coming in focus with their mouths gaping wide- quite impressed. "Let's see if you can top this," Tony winked at them, his stern face soaking in the silent applause.

No one said anything. "How can you look so good in tights?" was all that could be heard in the loud thought leaving Scott's mouth, who had to blink and get himself out of the trance. "Did I say that out loud?" "Oh...kay," Rhodey's forehead lines held the weight of all the sanity in this universe, "how about we do something that does not kill the audience with your balls in their face?" Natasha opened her eyes wide while looking at infinity.

Natasha: Can't say this was my first time to have someone dance with their Spanx on for full display. *looks at the camera with no emotion* The ones before were not that lucky though. *camera zooms in* may their souls rest in peace.

"How about an Among Us themed video?" Peter jumped where he stood, his tutu fluffing up with his movements. "And those Ooooooo-aaaaaaaahhh ones," Bucky added. "I'm surprised you even know that," Sam was quick to mention. "Cassie's been teaching me." "...Cassie as in...Scott's Cassie." "Mmm-hmm. She set up everything for me on my iPad." "But your iPad has a child lock." "Oh, that's for me," Scott called from the other side of the table. Natasha looked straight at the camera recording this conversation, making it focus on her face when she closed her eyes and mouthed 'don't ask'. Past the chatter, another camera focused on Tony's eyes stuck on the flat screen that was not turned on for the first time in a long while. "She's fine," Wanda assured him with a smile. "I just now saw her running through a desert. And she seemed really excited." Tony nodded, his body not still at the thought of you out...somewhere he could not see you. "And what about the too-clever-for-himself God?" Wanda chuckled. "He's right behind her. Almost catching up." A certain tick in his train of thoughts made Tony narrow his eyes before turning back to Wanda. "You can see inside people's head, right?" He whispered. Tugging her upper lip under her teeth, Wanda chuckled. "I can read everyone's mind and I know what you're going to ask. The answer is no." Tony straightened his back like a good ballet dancer. "No as in you can't read his mind or no as in he...does not...or no because he is...not..." Wanda passed a quick look to the camera by her side before walking away.

Wanda: *shakes her head* No. Not going to answer that. Or that. Or that. *breaks into a giggle* *sparkling eyes* oh but you should see his head!! Peter's voice: *from outside the frame* Who's head? the camera shifts from Wanda to a curious Peter standing in the doorway before coming back to her. Wanda: *looks back from Peter towards the camera* *stifles a blush* No one. *gives the camera a knowing look*

The Galactic Desert Lulu walked over the rocks giddy as ever. The familiar boots in black followed him as the camera rose from the bed of rocks to bring in the horizon over the smooth desert dune they were climbing. The view of the beginning of the rocky side of life on this planet welcomed them where some old ruins of a monastery lay scattered everywhere. From where he stood on the top, they looked like scattered Copic markers left by a giant's child on a wild spree; that or something resembling close to your room. When his eyes focused on those figures, he could see the familiar rainbow group that he had grown to dislike. If they were close, it meant so were you. And as if to answer the question- that had just loosened that tension in his brows- Loki's attention was taken by a delightful chirp from Lulu, who pressed his tum-tum and slid down the sand towards the colourful aliens. A beat resonated through the stones. Loki's brows grew curious again- but only till they saw you. The camera focused on you, panning in to take a good of the swing of your shoulders to the beat. Other than the pep in your step, the lens could make out the flower crown was new; and so was the glitters that were strewn on your black shirt. A sigh was all that Loki presented the crowd with before coming down the discreet stairs in the sand choosing to completely ignore you.

Am I being weird You're looking through me like You don't even hear (hello?)

The words were clearly meant for him but it wasn't him who joined in with you on the beat. And that did get his attention. First, it was Sky- the sky blue dude who twirled you around to let you fall into Red's arm.

'Bout to get on my Houdini shit and go and disappear Am I wasting my time tryna give a fuck But I don't really care

Red- with his piercing gaze set at Loki- matched your step to the heartbeat with one fierce smirk before you were nearly stepping on your own feet to walk into the dead centre of the place.

Fading all the signs that I keep on running through Making up excuses so they blame it on my youth

White joined you, happy to be by your side. He seemed different today. A bit more handsome. Maybe it was this starlight. Or maybe he was born with it.

I just wanna have fun, with jewels in the sun And ignore all the calls that I'm getting from my mom saying:

Every single one of the rainbow band had their arms and legs in sync with your steps as if you had rehearsed this part with them at least a hundred times.

Focus on, focus on, focus on, focus on you Focus on, focus on, focus on, focus on you

The twist and jerk of the hips was something new that raised Loki's brows. Nonetheless, no one from the audience complained about those moves. Least of all Lulu- who was shaking with beats while trying to mimic you as much as his bushy body allowed.

I'm trying hard, I'm trying really But I ain't got 20/20, I ain't seeing clearly I can't Focus on, focus on, focus on, focus on you

Loki tried to rub the worry mixed with frustration from his face while turning away from you. The camera caught the little flinch the God felt when you turned him around.

Face off, face off (Bang, bang, bang)

The finger gun motion brought down the rainbow colours one by one only to have them coming back up slowly, that too in perfect sync. They were so flawless that for a moment there, Javier had to catch his own emotion of impressed surprise in one of his devices.

Looking in the mirror You and me now (Yeah!)

You stepped closer to Loki with the words.

No one's around (Yeah!)

Winking suggestively at him while all his did was frown a little at that very suggestion

Time to get down (Down, down, down)

He took a step back in the name of caution only to find you catching Orange by his collar to bring him close and dancing your way down his body, leaving a little gap between the God's lips to let his lungs breathe in what he was witnessing. And whatever air he had left in his lungs was forced out when Orange looked at the God and gave him his version of a 'thumb's up'. Loki nearly broke into a run to get you away from him only to find himself grabbing thin air while you were standing on the broken pillar ten feet away from him. And relatively at quite the height.

Fading all the signs that I keep on running through Making up excuses so they blame it on my youth

Green and Purple joined you over the stone, swinging their arms and shaking their hips in languid harmony with you; going where your hands went, turning where your head did, enjoying themselves a lot.

I just wanna have fun, with jewels in the sun And ignore all the calls that I'm getting from my mom saying:

Whether or not you pretended to fall from that height, Loki felt the fear for a good second before Javier's camera recorded him inhaling in the fury of giving away his emotions as you appeared to dance right around his back. And these alien skittles made it even worse of an embarrassment.

Focus on, focus on, focus on, focus on you Focus on, focus on, focus on, focus on you I'm trying hard, I'm trying really But I ain't got 20/20, I ain't seeing clearly I can't Focus on, focus on, focus on, focus on you

When nothing else worked, the silent death glare from those smaragdine eyes towards the jolly ball of music player did the trick of shutting the party down. "Every time anything even close to dreadful happens in my vicinity, why is it always the pack of you prism puppies?" Those 'prism puppies' giggled at some inside joke before White licked his lips and turned towards Loki. "Because one of you loves us too much." Lulu, now resting on Loki's shoulder, turned to look at you and his camera caught the giddy swing in your steps as you skipped your way to Loki's side with a guiltless smile on your throbbing lips and those barely open yet content eyes looking at everyone around them. "Bullshit," Loki cussed without a hitch in his breath, leading you to gasp with a dramatic air. "He said bullshit," you whispered to Lulu, who tilted his head in response. "Shut your ears, babe." Green smirked. "No bullshit, your highness. We can only be called upon when someone thinks of us with no ill intentions in their heart." Loki had to raise a brow at that. "So you are saying one of-" he pointed at the four of them- "us took the time out of their life to think about you? Where is your pr-" "We can project the thoughts of the caller on the big screen if you want-" Your eyes opened wide at the idea and you nodded with quite the enthusiasm. "Okay," Loki announced with an amplitude loud enough to make you jump, "we all need to take a break after that hard routine!" He clapped his hands to conclude the meetup which bummed you out. "Let's go somewhere then. Drinks are on me." "Yes!" You jumped and skipped to Violet, taking his hand in yours to swing your arms with his as the two of you skipped forward. Orange and blue with yellow mimicked the two of you while green and red kept their hands in their pants and followed you guys with a strut fit for Gods. Javier made it a point to stay right at the front to catch everything. That left Lulu and his camera to record the two kings left alone to look at each with a knowing gaze. "It should not come as a surprise but I have to say it was quite the shock to hear you call out our name." White nudges the rock on the ground with his shoe, giving enough space and privacy to the God look at him with a piercing gaze till he had his fill. "You never speak of this," Loki commanded, "to anyone. Especially-" "I know," White acknowledged before he could finish. "I have seen your thoughts, remember?" He cannot help but smile he prefect-teeth smile at Loki. "How does it feel to be on the receiving end of a mind reader, Loki?" "Do not talk to me as if we are friends." Loki sounded tired and done for the day. "Aw," White swung his shoulders before letting his finger poke Loki in his arm, "you have quite the ego even without your powers. But I still like you." He lets his index fingers touch each word in a fluffy manner while making uwu eyes at the God. "I don't," his eyes glowered. "YOU DON'T?" White gasped out loud enough to catch the attention of the group that were a few meters ahead of them. "BUT YOU SAID IN YOUR THOUGHTS THAT YOU L-" Javier's camera caught all seven of you turning around to hear white shout something inaudible before Loki apparently hugged him to the point that they both fell down. "Wow!" you tilted your head with a content sigh. "It's so nice to see people get along with Loki." "Of course, they'll get along," Yellow mentioned, "they both like y-ow!" No one but the camera saw the quick smack delivered on Yellow's head by violet. "To lead!" Violet declared, not taking his eyes off Yellow. "They both like to lead. Well and with example." You smiled at them with confusion in your eyes and turned away and forward, with the same confusion, shaking it off, murmuring 'space spirits, space spirits' and continued skipping towards the destination that lay behind the last piece of the standing monastery.

Violet: *cutest accent* that was close Yellow: *bumping into Violet to come in the frame* *excitedly* this close. *grins ear to ear* Violet: *rolls his eyes*

A small crevice between the monastery's remains led down a stony path that looked right out of a fantasy movie, giving the feel of the European middle age street except for the moss and hanging boulders over the group that crossed the path. Javier's camera caught you humming as you bobbed your head side to side, the boys mimicking your movement while moving with you. "Oooh!" you sang, "the air smells like candy!" "What's candy?" "Something sweet, something sour, and sometimes tangy!" Green tsked. Orange looked at him in confusion and gave him a questioning nod. "She is on the second stage now." "What's that?" Green gave his companion a head-to-toe look before narrowing his eyes. "I don't know." Gasping with fake frustration, Orange begged with his soft jumps to know what it was. His baby voice was in vain till he came close to Green to whisper, "Is it something terrifying?" Green shook his head. "Something...ugly?" Green sighed. Orange walked closer to Green. "Is it something horny?" The miss in Green's step confirmed everything for Orange, who tried his best to stifle the ecstatic butterflies his felt in his gut by biting down on his lips. Too bad he could not do the same for his flirty eyes. "Ori..no," Green cautioned him, but 'Ori' was already clasping his hands and almost his entire body to not let the joy escape as he swung around and skipped to your side. "Bad Ori," Green called out, but Orange was already wrapping his arm around yours, making you skip with him towards the opening, leaving the rest to catch up. Violet and Red joined Green as they watched the two of you disappear from their view. "He knows White will kill him if he does anything stupid, right?" Red stated with the killer smouldering look. Somewhere on earth fangirls screamed and two specific men started to question their orientation. Violet stretched his pretty pink lips and raised his perfectly done brow. "Do you think that'll stop him from doing something stupid?" With one thought-ridden pause, they let out a collective groan.

Facility Lawn "Oi! Sam!" The camera looked down from the lounge's balcony at Natasha standing in the bright afternoon sun with her hands cupped to call out Sam's name one more time if he did not show up this time. "'Sup!" The falcon greeted the Black Widow from the balcony, sipping on fresh coconut water right out of its natural juice box. "Throw me a sanitiser," Nat shouted. Sam turned where he stood, bending backwards just enough to get a peep inside. "Yo-" he grabbed a passing Bucky's attention- "pass the sanitiser." Bucky grabbed the bottle kept on the coffee table on his way to casually throw it in Sam's direction- who made it a point to look just as effortless while grabbing it. "Where you been?" Sam asked before readying his arm to do a precise throw in Nat's direction. The camera grabbed the roll of her eyes and a defeated sigh. "Had to drop off some documents." "Where?" "...at the White House." The throw came down from half the way as Sam let out a disgusted- and stretched- 'ew'. "You went over to Trump's place?!" Clearly, the assassin was to trying to hold down the guts wanting to come out of her. "I know. You don't have to remind me of the misery I just went through." "Woman, you need something bigger than this can," Sam stressed while raising the sanitiser in his hand. "Why are you standing in the lawn?" The camera in the lawn caughtTony in his workout clothes coming out from the garage while Nat tried her best not to grit her teeth. "She was at that wrinkly orange's place," Sam quipped before Nat could open her mouth to speak. "My feelings exactly," Sam agreed with the emotions reflecting on Tony's face right now. "Just hand me the sanitiser," she muttered at Sam through her eyelashes. "Oh, noooo-" Tony shook his head- "you need a whole bucket." A whistle-like cheer came from the front door as Scott came skipping outside. "What's happening?! What are we celebrating?" His bright eyes waited for an answer in excitement. "We're not-" Nat's voice was drowned by Tony's 'she visited the orange tan bitch's office', making the assassin share a mum look with the camera before closing her eyes to contemplate. "Oh," Scott breathed through his teeth with a sorry face before taking a few steps back, "I'll get the hose," leaving Nat to look at the camera with a blank stare that was painting quite the picture of her thoughts.

Natasha: *expressionless* Someone's going to die tonight. *takes out a folded dagger* Sam: *pops his neck into the frame* *whispers* of too much cleanliness. *smiles wide for the camera* Natasha: *looks at the camera* *clicks the dagger open*

Monastery Grounds Lulu's camera caught the eerie vibrations these narrow path reflected from its walls as the huge metal door came into view. The intricate foreign drawings were understandable to the few who knew about the times of the monks. But to the innocent soul like Lulu, it only added to the unspoken horror that might be on the other side of this numbing silence where this little one could hear Loki's heartbeat loud and clear. Floofed up and cuddled into a ball, he hid in Loki's jacket right by his chest. Everyone except Violet, White and Loki had already gone through it. "It's all right," Loki hummed at the little one, stoking a few hairs on his shivering head, "there's nothing to worry about". The tsk of White's tongue was louder than he expected. "I wouldn't be so confident," he muttered under his breath. "And he needs to hear this because?" Loki was quick to question, facing the captain of the little group. White looked at the little floof curled up around Loki's chest before his eyes threw a curious glance at the God. "If he does not face his fear, he won't grow. I am sure an intellectual like you would know." "And why would I want him to 'grow'?" The null emotion brought a smile on White's face. "Are you really that protective of him or do you not want someone to find out what happens when he...'grows'." "Maybe he's both," Violet adds while looking at the sky from whatever the tall walls have left for the view. "Maybe you two should keep your business instead of thinking what others are thinking." "You know that is literally the basic part of our job, right?" A roll of eyes later, Loki sighed and turned towards the door. Lulu perked up from the jacket a little to hear something before clicking his stomach. "What exactly did I do in my life to be stuck with you?" White knew he wanted him to hear that. "You think it's you we want to hang out with?" The door is dragged open and bass boosted tunes fill the musty alcohol-filled air that comes from the night on the other side.

Candles, glow sticks, fire lanterns- anything that can burn and glow lights up the building on the inside.

Take a sip, take a sip, take a sip And a trip, and a trip, and a trip

Bottles, vessels and jugs of baroque shapes decorated the wall at the back up to the ceiling, creating an intricate mirage of figures dancing in the glass as lights reflected off them.

And I'm like, when you bitch, when you bitch, when you bitch Counterfeit hypocrite holy shit

Bodies everywhere. Smoking, drinking, grinding, making out, trying new colours on their tongues. Bodies dancing to the music roaring through the neon stick-looking speakers. The shadows left by the light dance everywhere; even at places they are not supposed to.

And amongst all the elated uproar, Javier's camera caught the three beings- and a furball- dispersing the crowd with just their existence, standing there with an aura that said the world revolved around them. And to some extent, they were not wrong.

Everybody gets high, why the hell can't I?

Eyes followed these boys; some filled with lust, some with a shade of curiosity, some with a hint of envy. But these three had eyes only for one thing. Looking for half the shades of a rainbow and a tipsy woman accompanying them. It wasn't long before all those eyes landed on the figure standing on top a table dancing like it was the end of the world. The jacket was gone and the maroon tank top with those familiar black jeans was the centre of attention. Hair down and flipping with all those jumpy moves. At one point the camera even caught you looking at it, winking and giving a shiver-inducing smirk.

Everybody gets high, why the hell can't I?

A closer look and Javier was standing in the mix of some very desperate and hungry creatures either dancing around the table either enjoying your company or doing their mating routine to attract you. As long as they maintained the distance, everything was fine. But as soon as one wrinkly faced rat tried to step on the table to touch you, a burst of roaring energy blew that alien back to where it belonged with the rest of the confused crowd. A few seconds late realisation came when five shadows with eyes gleaming like cats looked right into their souls, making them shrivel and curl up. The very next moment, five cutest boys were dancing with you on the table, increasing your happy high even more.

Everybody gets high, why the hell can't I?

Loki: *rubbing his face in his palms* never in the thousand years of my life did I think I would die of old age. *shakes head* And that too from worrying to much because of a measly human woman. *you go dancing past the camera screaming in delight* *Loki's eyes follow you before he stands up from the wall he's been leaning on and takes a step forward to come in the way of this one crocodile-man alien who is twerking his way to you. Crocodile-man jerks his way into Loki, who is standing there with his arms crossed, unwavering in every way, making the aquatic species lose their composure and walk back where they came from, letting their body tell the God to take it easy.*

Fifteen minutes later Javier's camera focused on those big eyes of yours that were so devastatingly engrossed in Lulu as if they were seeing him for the first time. And that poor little furball was mimicking every move of your neck like a little one does with their mama. "Waaah!" you whispered with a tinge of positive shock. Javier's camera zoomed in on Loki who was looking at you with the judgment of an entire galaxy in his eyes. "You adopted him," his voice tried to cut through that trance but all it did was make your pupils wide in affection and let your throat give out a broken squeal before you petted your little one affectionately. A loud gasp followed, making Javier turn towards you and pan in on the drunken horror on your face. "What." "He is so fluffy-" you whispered while drawing the purring burrito close to your chest- "I wanna kill him in my arms!" For the first time in the history of fancams, the lens caught Loki's head fall all the way back in defeat while a groan left his throat, and before anyone witnessing could recover from it, the God was on his feet trying to take Lulu away from your arms. "Give me the baby." "Mm-mm." "You'll kill it." "..." "Give me Lulu before I pin you down and take him by force." It was quite visible that you were trying to imagine his words and it was also evident that there was that very slight smirk at the end of your lips before you licked it away. "I'll give him to you when you finish my beer." A confused frown was all you got. "Dammit, you look cute even when you frown," you whispered to yourself before turning to Loki, "I don't like the taste but I don't want it to go to waste. Finish that and then not only will I give you Lulu but you can also take me home."

Loki: The fact that she is ready to go home when we all know what happens when she gets drunk is both a boon and a bane. It's like an opportunity presenting itself and you look at it suspiciously, wondering what exactly is hidden underneath. *camera pans in* But for tonight I am willing to take that risk. *picks the beer mug* *drinks it without breaking eye contact with the camera* *camera zooms out to pan in on White standing at the back frozen with a beer mug in his hand as his jaw drops to the floor*

As soon as the mug hit the tabletop, you, Orange and Violet hooted and cheered and Lulu- who was sitting in your lap- imitated your hand gestures. "Come on-" Loki got and dragged the chair back- "let's go." Like a basic instinct, White immediately took Lulu from your lap before you stood up and jumped in excitement. "YES! LET'S GOOO!!" And ran to the dance floor, leaving the camera to capture the pure void that came over Loki's face.

Quarantined Avengers Facility The security cameras showed the time as two in the night when Scott could be seen walking through the lounge still half asleep as he made his way to the kitchenette for some water. "Take this," a husky voice boomed through the dark, making the man almost have a heart attack while he turned his fists towards the source of the voice, letting the bottle hit his face and fall down. "Sorry," Bucky apologised before going to one of the three bottles next to him and devouring every drop of that gifted liquid. Picking up the bottle and nursing his fresh wound that was definitely going to grow into a bump in the morning, Scott joined the assassin on the sofa. "Can't sleep?" "I can't stop thinking about those videos where that one woman is spilling all the stuff men do." "You gotta be more spe-oh! the woman who knows the secrets of the balls! Yeah, she does know a LOT!" Bucky stared in the infinite darkness and nodded. "Well, nothing to distract us from how we play with our ass hair like this," Scott groan mentioned as he got up to pick the remote and switch on the big screen. What played was the recording of you dancing under shimmering lights in a crowd of quite a variety of creatures. The beats were not familiar at all but that did not stop you from swinging your hips and jumping around having the time of your life. Without realising, Scott was also swinging his head with the sound while the camera panned in on you a bit more, unexpectedly catching an odd faced creature with sparkling blue eyes and grey skin getting close to you from the back. Unbeknown to you, the creature opened his mouth to let his snake-like slippering tongue slip out to come next to your ears. "What the f-" Before Scott was able to finish his emotion, a hand caught that tongue from behind, twisting that little sneaky shit and throwing it back somewhere out of the frame followed by a very audible yelp. Without missing a beat one of those very hands took yours and dragged you out of the frame too without any warning. The camera hastily followed to find you being dragged right to the dimmest lit corner in the back only to smack your back into the cold wall while a strong pair of familiar arms pinned your escape routes on either side of your shoulders. "What the he-" your giggles stopped right with the sentence when you realised the distance between your face and Loki's was less than your palm's. All the fun in your eyes seemed to suddenly evaporate when you felt those hands by your either side drag themselves closer to your shoulders; when those green eyes were staring right into your soul and that flawless acne-free face was getting close enough for you to smell the sweet alcohol in his one long exhale. His black tresses nearly covered both your faces while your mind evidently went blank and your body wanted to be swallowed by the wall for a second. "Loki," you managed to whisper through your croaky throat, wanting it to sound like a question desperately. In response, Loki let his left hand grab the few strands of stray hairs out of your face and gently tuck them behind your ear. That was all it took. And the lounge camera recorded Scott falling to the floor unconscious with a satisfying thump. Bucky sat there sipping his water and raised brows and a contented 'hm' leaving his throat.

Over the other side, Loki drew himself closer to you, making you look at his lips time and again before you finally closed your eyes. Loki's lips brought themselves closer before stopping right at a finger's length. The camera panned in to discover a little furrow in his brow that came and went before finally settling in and letting him draw himself back with a glower. "Why did that beer taste sweet?" The question came out of nowhere, making you open your eyes to a very confused God looking at his hands and his surroundings and finally you. And just when that scared grin came to settle on your lips, did his eyes blow up realisation. "Oh, fu-"

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