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allthefujoshiunite · 4 months

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Hi, Nora....My friend and I made a list of ace and aro characters from BL, and then we get to Love For Sale. We think Sieon is aro, based on he never regret his previous relationships until he is with Namwoo. And how he felt so indifferent about them. But what do you think? Also, do you have any BL characters that you think are ace or aro?

Great question! And thank you for giving me a chance to talk about Sieon. I'm always happy to do so. If you want the tl;dr answer, I don't consider him to be one. However, as is always the case on Wild Wild Web when you express a thought or preference, people take it as me condemning all the other thoughts/preferences. So here's a PSA: if you consider him Aro, good for you! You can interpret him however you like.

Also, lots and LOTS of spoilers for the uninitiated.

As for how I read his character. I think Sieon is hard to understand for a lot of people because they expect him to be either this or that and try to put him into categories he doesn't fully belong in. It's one of the reasons why I'm so enamored with Love for Sale as a whole, and Sieon in particular. Dal Hyeonji, even though this is their first commercial BL work, does an absolutely fantastic job in this character study.

Back to the point. When the story was still being released, I entertained a similar idea myself about him that, maybe he's demiromantic. Not a romance-aversed aromantic, but still a part of the spectrum. Then I kind of abandoned that as well.

We are a melting pot of our environments, cultural codes, family, and our characteristics. That's why most of the time, it's hard to make out whether you've become something due to some external force or you were that something before anything else. A very lame example would be, do I find red lipstick sexy because I find it arousing, or is it because it was marketed in such a way that I am conditioned to think it's sexy? Similarly, it's not always easy to tell apart whether your feelings are genuine, you feel like you have to feel certain ways towards certain people, or something impacted you in such a way that you don't feel a certain way anymore. I know I'm being vague but hopefully, it'll make more sense now.

Sieon, having to shoulder her mother's emotional well-being and their reversed parent-child roles, has found himself in a position where he seeks gratification through the things he can provide to his partners so he can feel 'needed'. The comfort he can provide for his partner becomes his purpose to be in that relationship. I was throwing him bombastic side-eyes very early into the story where he never expressed any type of preference and was very evasive whenever Namwoo tried to probe. Naturally, it was quite frustrating for Namwoo. As for me, it was as if Sieon was trying to erase himself from the relationship and be there for Namwoo as a combination of 'bank account + lips to kiss + a hand to hold' and blend into the ether as a person.

That's also why his relationships ended the way they did. He knew his mom wasn't happy, and even if he tried to alleviate her pain, it ultimately didn't work, thus, the one last good deed he could do for his mom was to let her go. To not be greedy. To not be selfish and say "I need you, don't go." This is the root of his letting go of his exes 'too easily', rather than him not 'loving' his partners.

Here's where things get tricky. Ideally, a romantic relationship requires you to be vulnerable, communicative, diplomatic, etc. Ideally. But none of us are exempt from carrying our baggage with us into the next relationship, no matter how big or small. In that sense, should we say that just because Sieon hasn't been perfectly vulnerable or has been avoiding conflict, he was never in a real relationship before? I don't think we can.

One of the moments my heart ached for him was during his conversation with his close friend. He reiterates it later on when they're having the talk with Namwoo, but he desperately tries to convey that, no matter what his partners felt, whether they were satisfied on their own account or not, he was always genuine. Has always been. It may not fit the mold of grandiose, shouting-from-the-mountaintops, I'd-swallow-a-sword-for-you kind of love we are constantly sold in the romance genre, but that doesn't mean he isn't capable of love either. On the contrary, I think he does look for romantic companionship, but he just doesn't know how not to intellectualize his feelings.

So, in my opinion, "he didn't love anyone else before Namwoo" is not exactly the correct way to read him. Up until Namwoo decided that he was going to hold onto Sieon and 'show him a selfish love' in Sieon's mom's words, their relationship was following the pretty much same direction as the others. At first, Namwoo is content with what Sieon provides, but then he develops feelings for him and expects Sieon to return them in a way he can't. The same old story that is bound to end with a break-up.

Emphasis on 'in a way he couldn't'. The way I read it, his way of loving is different from what others deem as 'romantic love', so he's convinced that he can't reciprocate others' feelings. If that's love, and his feelings don't look like that, then he must not be in love after all. And when Namwoo shows Sieon that it's okay to be needy and selfish at times, and it's okay to be vulnerable and honest, we see that was the wake-up call he needed all along.

The verdict? If you consider his past partners through the "he wasn't able to genuinely love them" lens and interpret his "not being able to reciprocate romantic feelings" literally, you can think of him as an aromantic who's not really averse to dating. But as I've tried to elaborate, rather than not feeling romantic love, he does feel love and seek companionship but doesn't know how to handle conflict and can't break free from the behavioral patterns ingrained in him in childhood.

About aro/ase characters in BL. There's only one work that comes to mind which, interestingly, makes asexuality/demisexuality one of the core themes it explores and that's This is Love by Ziki Masaya. I have reviewed it before (click me) and I highly recommend it! I can maybe mention Sangwoo from Semantic Error, but then again, I think he's just autistic and his approach to romantic love for another guy is different from his normie boyfriend Jongchan because of that. I can't really think of any other works with Aro/ace characters as there's always romance/sex involved. Or maybe I just haven't paid enough attention! Let me know about the list you two came up with ~

PSA: I added the intro because the original link needs you to login to Lezhin as it's a Mature title, but you know the drill. Read on the official platfrorms!

#allthefujoshiunite answers #love for sale #dal hyeonji #bl manhwa #yaoi manhwa #lezhiin #spoilers

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romancerepulsed · 8 months

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anyway im tired of the endless amount of posts that say some shit along the lines of "aro culture is doing all the shit romantic partners do but with your friends instead". no its fucking not dont put that shit on me

like it is fine and good to break down the societal rules of relationships both platonic and romantic but i need yall to remember some of us want nothing to do with any of that

my romance repulsion comes with an aversion to touch, to kissing, to cuddling, to dates, to marriage, to living with people. there are many things going in to these aversions, but at the end of the day they're a fundamental part of my aro identity. stop assuming every aro person wants a romantic partner, just under a different label. that is amatonormativity.

#barking #aromantic #romance repulsed

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adagioapassionato · 6 months

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playlist focus…a-spec tunes!

Happy Ace Week! For this Ace Week, I wanted to make a special post of songs that I think speak to experiences on the a-spectrum. With just how hard it was to select my favourite ace-friendly songs, it’s clear there are not many songs a-spec folks can relate to, so I put together just a few for you all to enjoy with a little description for each. I tried to represent as many a-spec experiences as I could – for me, my ace and aro experiences are tied quite deeply together so a lot of the songs might represent both of these. Nonetheless, I hope you find some fun music that you can relate to from this post.

I think the ace/a-spec experience for me comprises a few different feelings, and I have chosen songs that represent each feeling for me. The first is a deep sense of confusion and maybe even dislike for the sex- and romance-obsessed society we live in. Wondering why everyone is so concerned with these things that we do not understand because we cannot really feel them, and wishing people did not keep expecting you to engage in something you don’t care about and aren’t interested in. The second is a sort of sadness and pain – these types of love and intimacy are so glorified that you wonder whether you’re missing out on something because you have never, and will never, feel this way – so do you truly feel anything at all? And lastly, (this might be specific to the aro-ace experience), is a sense of exhilaration when you discover and experience new types of attraction that you have not felt before, love that is truly unique to you but feels just as beautiful as the ideal described by society. And with that, let’s get into some a-spec songs!

1. Crush Culture by Conan Gray

Yes, a bit of a stereotypical first choice, but I had to bring it up as a certified Conan Gray fan! This song really represents the feeling of growing tired of hearing about crushes and romance, but at the same time, feeling somewhat lonely and jealous and wishing you could be part of it too. It’s a song that I feel accurately represents being sex-/romance-averse or -repulsed – wanting out from society’s obsession with “crush culture,” but still being constantly and annoyingly surrounded by it.

“I don’t care if I’m forever alone, I’m not falling for you,” “all this love is suffocating, just let me be sad and lonely…” – in school, having a crush, or being liked by someone, was always such a huge deal. I quickly learned that people loved talking about their crushes – it was a huge talking point, sharing about your crush made you friends. So, even though you may not even understand or care, one of the few ways you can ‘fit in’ and be social is to engage with crush culture – which you may not be able to do since you don’t feel that way. So, you’re shoved these things you don’t feel or care about constantly, told that you need to feel them and engage in them to be liked. You do feel lonely and left out watching everyone else engaging in “crush culture,” but you’d rather that than be part of this constant obsession with sex, romance and crushes because you dislike it so much and cannot even relate to it. You’re so “suffocated” by crush culture that you’d rather be lonely, sad, “forever alone,” than have to hear more about crushes, romance and love.

The bridge of the song perfectly expresses the frustration lots of a-spec people feel hearing romance and sex constantly spoken about around them: “Shut your damn mouth/you’re talking too loud/and no one cares if you two made out/oh, I’m sick of the kissing cult…” “Kissing cult” for me evoked these childhood games of ‘never have I ever’ or ‘truth or dare’ – a prime hub for “crush culture,” like sharing gossip about kissing, crushes and romance. When you don’t realise that it’s normal to not feel or want these things, you feel alienated and also just confused what the hype is – are you just “sad and lonely,” will you forever miss out, because you have never engaged in, understood or cared about crush culture? You just want to tune it out and have people stop going on and on about it.

No matter how you try to avoid it, crush culture finds you everywhere. A chorus sings the words “crush culture” in the background of the verses – it sounds almost like kids teasing someone about their crush in singsong voices. This shows how no matter how often you say you don’t have a crush and don’t care for “crush culture,” it continues to haunt you and hit you in the face. I personally remember trying to express to my classmates, who pestered me asking who my crush was, that I didn’t have one. But according to them, I “had to” have a crush – they didn’t even think it possible that I didn’t feel attracted to someone constantly! So, society continues to be obsessed with the idea that everyone feels, desires and needs romance or sex – whether or not they say they don’t care for it. Being surrounded by this constantly, especially at a young age, can create so much frustration that “crush culture” really does make you want to “spill your guts out.

2. We Don’t Have to Take Our Clothes Off by Ella Eyre

I really love the sound and the message of this song – I feel like it accurately represents aces who feel romantic attraction. This song focuses on the emotional aspects of romance – quality time, knowing someone in and out and just enjoying a good time with someone you love, without having to be intimate: “We don’t have to take our clothes off/To have a good time/We could dance and party all night/And drink some cherry wine.” I love how this song subverts this expectation of needing intimate relations in a romantic relationship. Realising I was ace at a time when I still wanted romance was hard because I understood that most people thought sex was a requirement for a successful romantic relationship. But since it wasn’t something I ever wanted at all, would anyone want me? A lot of ace people can struggle with dating in the same way. This song speaks to our experience – “we don’t have to take our clothes off to have a good time…” “If the conversation’s good vibes through and through” – that focuses on more emotional bonds than physical attraction. The song is very simply but powerfully constructed. I really like Ella Eyre’s low, emotional voice that’s allowed to shine on its own. Her voice really showcases her desire to connect emotionally with this person and form a relationship that goes beyond just sex.

3. SDL by Agust D

I’ve talked at length about SDL in my review of D-Day, but it spoke to me as an aspec person and so I thought I’d bring it up again! SDL focuses on how difficult it is to define ‘love,’ and from an aspec perspective, could show how we reflect on past relationships and experiences of attraction in trying to understand how we experience the all-pervasive “love” that’s so important to society today.

First, SDL tries to define love with extreme emotions – “Who do you smile for? Who do you cry for? Could this be love?” Seeing dramatised descriptions of ‘love’ in media, through extreme emotions like crying over someone, making huge sacrifices for love, and so on – we tend to wonder what love really is, and whether we feel it at all, since our experience may not match with these deep and extreme feelings. The song recognizes how glorified the word ‘love’ has become: “Thanks to the grandeur of the word love/What is easily forgotten is called love.” Aspecs can feel like this obsession with sex and romance is overhyped – it seems grandiose, glorified and unreachable, especially since most of what we understand of it comes from media. There are so many expectations surrounding it and it’s given so much precedence and value – almost as though experiencing and finding such love is what makes life worth living at all. We spend a lot of time trying to figure out why we don’t feel this grand, moving feeling of romantic or sexual love, and whether we’re broken or missing out on something. In doing this, though, we forget about the various other kinds of love that we do feel, that make our experience of attraction and love whole and perfect anyway.

I think the song also accurately represents the experience of questioning your a-spec identity – looking back at past relationships and wondering whether you really felt “love,” or something else entirely. “Somebody does love/But I’m thinking about you…” – Yoongi compares this so-called “love,” and he thinks about the feelings he experienced, which don’t seem to align with traditional romantic or sexual love. Questioning whether you’re on the a-spectrum often involves the similar experience of re-analysing your past relationships and realising that your experience of attraction is different – you’ve been mistaking ‘sexual’ or ‘romantic’ love for something else entirely. You end up questioning the life you’d envisioned for yourself – many of us think about marriage or relationships because we’re told we are supposed to want those things. You wonder if you truly miss or desire these relationships, or just the memory or idea of love that you’re taught is so valuable – “Is it you that you miss/Or is it that time on the other side of the glorified memory?”

The song has a bright and gentle feel, so while it really deeply speaks to my experience, it is also very comforting and like a calm reflection on questioning your a-spec identity. In some way, it holds up a mirror to our experiences while also telling us that what we feel is valid. The rest of the song focuses on how relationships and love can be fleeting and difficult to understand and maintain – so there’s no point hanging on to the glorified ideals of love. Loving the small and trivial things is just as valid and wonderful, and so Yoongi truly speaks to the a-spec experience with this song

4. People Watching by Conan Gray

I know this might be a slightly unconventional choice, but I think this is the song that truly encapsulates my entire experience as an a-spec person. On the surface, the song is just about feeling ‘single’ or wanting to experience romantic love, but I associate it with a time where I was ace and desired romance, but also with realising I am arospec and trying to accept that I wasn’t exactly looking for romance.

The song opens with describing a couple’s interactions with one another – “They met in class for metaphysical philosophy/He tells his friends ‘I like her cause she’s so much smarter than me’/They’re having talks about their futures until 4 AM/And I’m happy for them.” This shows how we see and desire romantic experiences so much – to us, they may look beautiful and desirable, and we’re even happy for those experiencing them. But at the same time, Conan sings “I’m happy for them” with a slight bitterness in his tone – some part of us wonders why not me experiencing these things, why not me able to feel something so wonderful?

The chorus is so special and hard-hitting for me. “I wanna feel all that love and emotion/Be that attached to the person I’m holding…” I relate to this so much because at one time, I wanted to experience romance too, but I worried I wouldn’t be able to find someone that would accept me that way because I’m ace. Later I realised I’m on the aromantic spectrum. I still desired the idea of romance, but I didn’t really feel that kind of attraction – I wanted to be “that attached” to someone, I wanted my emotions to be enough so that I could experience the romance that I’m told is such a beautiful and life-changing experience. But turns out, “for now, I’m only people watching…” I’m watching romance surround me as I struggle to accept my identities, and simply wishing that one day I’ll feel that way too.

Recognising your a-spec identity can be a bit disillusioning. Conan recognises this when he says “I had a dream about a house behind a picket fence/Next one I choose to trust I hope I use some common sense.” We do dream of experiencing love at first sight, one-night stands, or these other tropes that we hear so much about and seem so wonderful and amazing. But as we realise our identities, it becomes clear that that cliched stuff isn’t going to work out for us. With the way the world is obsessed with sex and romance and even sees it as a requirement in relationships, people who experience these things differently or not at all won’t fit these conventional tropes. So, we have to accept that love and romance might look a little different for us, and we need to be careful what we expect when seeking out partnership.

My favourite line in the song comes up at the end of the bridge. Conan sings this line in an interesting way – it’s unclear whether he says, “I feel love emotion” or “I feel no emotion.” I really love this because I’ve felt both ways at different stages in my journey of accepting I’m a-spec. Upon just recognizing my identity, I felt as though “I feel no emotion” – that I’m heartless, loveless, and feel nothing because I cannot experience these feelings. But as I’m growing closer to accepting myself, I realise I do feel “love emotion” too – I just experience it differently, and in different forms, which are just as valid!

5. Kalmia Kid by chloe moriondo

This is a sweet and simple song that I ended up rediscovering while writing this post. I feel like it really encapsulates the experience of questioning and sifting through the various different labels that are common in the aspec circles, and feeling like nothing really fits your experience.

Chloe sings, “Feelings are hard to ignore/especially when you don’t know what they’re for…” This really relates to the experience of trying to identify what kind of attraction you’re feeling. It can be so confusing – you have feelings, but you don’t know what to do with them, you don’t know what they’re for or what they mean, and yet you can’t ignore them. They just keep bothering you as you get further into your head trying to figure out what it is you’re actually feeling.

The verses of this song seem to describe trying to identify with different labels, but feeling like nothing fits. They open with – “It’s lonely in the forest that I grow in/I wish I could dive into the sea” then, “it’s lonely in the coral reef I float in…” You think you relate to one label – “I guess the weather’s warm enough to bear,” “I guess the water’s warm enough to bear/and I never have to wash or dry my hair.” But you then see another one and think maybe that one will fit better, more accurately – you feel lonely with your current one and want to “dive into” using a new one. You’re just “bearing” with your current label – it sort of fits, but every new one you discover seems to fit your experience better, that is, until you discover where it falls short too. I know I and definitely other aspecs can struggle learning about all the different labels and attractions that exist. While they can help you to describe your identity better, it can also be a bit overwhelming when you’re not really sure where you fall on the spectrum and what accurately describes your experience. It can even feel like you don’t fit anywhere at all.

The chorus is filled with a somewhat sweet sadness – “If the only love I’ll feel is for bumblebees/that’s fine with me/that’s fine with me/And if I’ll only ever dance with pine trees/That’s fine with me/That’s fine with me.” It accurately describes feeling a bit disappointed that you’ll never be able to experience strong sexual or romantic love, but trying to accept the other kinds of love that you do feel. I love how the tone of these lyrics describes the dilemma between feeling like you’re missing out on important feelings, but also trying to love the confusing yet new and exciting identity that you have just discovered!

6. What Was I Made For? by Billie Eilish

This is another slightly unconventional choice, but it was a song that came to my mind when I was struggling to accept being arospec and ace.

When you’re on the a-spectrum, it’s really common for people to think you’re inhuman, unfeeling or robotic. This, coupled with struggling to understand your own feelings for others, can be really confusing and gives an entirely new meaning to the lines “I don’t know how to feel, but I wanna try.” On the one hand, “I don’t know how to feel, but I wanna try” – being ace can make you feel like you don’t do “feeling” right, you don’t feel emotions in the right way. However, you so desperately wish you could – you can feel like you wish you weren’t ace, or that you did feel sexual attraction so that you could be “normal” and know how to feel the same things everyone else does. On the other, “I don’t know how to feel, but I wanna try” – when you give in to aphobic messaging, being aspec can make you feel like you’re robotic or inhumane because you don’t experience attraction conventionally. You don’t know how to behave like others, how to feel like them – so maybe you don’t know how to feel anything at all. But you don’t want to be someone so inhuman that they don’t even know how to feel – you want to try and feel these things that seem so wonderful and important to making life beautiful.

I’ve mentioned how realising you’re a-spec forces you to confront the fact that your life may not pan out the way you planned before you discovered your identity. So, you ask – “what was I made for?” You’re told all your life that one day, you’ll find “the one,” that people are “made for” each other to find and have one consistent love that lasts forever. However, you’ve never felt that about anyone – so were you “made for” anyone at all? Were you “made for” experiencing this everlasting love, because you can’t ever seem to feel it? You end up feeling really disillusioned when you realise you won’t experience the glorious “one true love” that everyone seems to suggest is what makes life worth living. Billie’s emotional voice, which sounds almost tearful at the chorus, really stirs these emotions in my heart. It can be really hard to try and confront that maybe your life won’t be exactly what you envisioned – what you thought you were “made for” isn’t what you’re actually “made for.”

7. A Long Dream by SE SO NEON

I’ve talked about this song before too, but I want to explain why I resonate so much with it! It’s a song about discovering a growing attachment to a person – its lyrics break the boundaries between different kinds of attraction. It’s not clear whether the bond described here is platonic, romantic, queerplatonic, or something else entirely – it just shows that the singer is attached to someone, feels happy around them, and enjoys this feeling. I really love that it’s open to interpretation in that way, especially as I’ve often struggled to label and identify different types of attraction. Just thinking that I enjoy someone’s company and they make me happy, and enjoying feeling the way I feel about them – takes some of the pressure off trying to figure out ‘what’ I’m feeling!

Both verses feature the lyric “at some point I had changed a bit.” This shows that you’re experiencing a new kind of attraction to someone – a change in your heart and mind. It’s a realisation that this feeling is unlike anything you’ve ever felt, and feeling it feels like a change within your very being. At the same time, it can mean that recognising your identity as an aspec person can help you understand that your perception of yourself has also changed such that you can identify these new types of attraction. The realisation that this feeling is different, but interesting, is also shown in the lyrics – “the heart inside me got curious about you a little bit…” “it’s a bit strange I want to stop time like this for a while.” We’re conditioned to understand certain types of attraction (romantic, platonic, etc.) in certain ways – so I love how this implies that your feelings are somewhat taking you by surprise. You realise they’re different, you aren’t sure what they are, but at the same time, you enjoy it and want to go along with what you’re feeling.

The lyrics of the chorus are unconventional and kind of weird to hear at the first go – “I want to shoot a movie with you/Hold your hand, and walk, run, fly with you…” You wouldn’t normally say you want to “shoot a movie” with someone you love, but it’s really such a sweet sentiment – it conveys wanting to capture every moment with someone, wanting it to be beautiful and picturesque like a movie, which is what being with them feels like. These unconventional lyrics seem to mirror the unconventional ways aspec people experience attraction and partnership in their lives too! Soyoon also sings, “I can change the world to be with you,” which also seems to be about breaking the bounds of attraction. It’s as though she says, “I want to be with you, I don’t care to categorise what I’m feeling by societal standards. I want to change those conventions and labels imposed by ‘the world,’ forsake them all so I can feel these beautiful feelings and be with you!”

This song’s bright sound and sweet lyrics that are completely open to interpretation have a unique way of instantly sparking so much joy in my heart. I really love listening to it and watching it played live was even better – it makes us feel connected by the bonds we share simply cherishing each other as humans, regardless of conventional relationship structures or attractions

8. My Love Mine All Mine by Mitski and

9. love. by wave to earth

I truly fell in love with My Love Mine All Mine the minute I heard it. The first time I heard the lyrics “my love is mine, all mine…,” I thought of “my love” as referring not to a special person, but to love itself: “my love,” that is, the love I hold in my heart and feel towards the world. I was pleasantly surprised to hear Mitski confirm this in her Genius interview too and felt even more connected to it!

I love how the first verse and the chorus together show that while everything in the world is fleeting, the feeling of love that’s unique to you will always outlast everything: “Moon, tell me if I could/Send up my heart to you/So when I die, which I must do/Could it shine down here with you?/Cause my love is mine all mine.” You may die, but your unique way of loving will always leave an impression on those who receive it – it’ll shine on beautifully like the moon.

My Love Mine All Mine shows that the love you feel is yours and yours alone. The way you experience it is unique to you – even if you don’t identify with certain kinds of love, that’s an experience unique to you that will stay with you forever. It’ll fill up your heart in a special way only you can feel, and it’ll outlast you in the people you’ve shared it with in a unique way that only your presence can elicit. We as a-specs get so caught up in wondering what love we’re feeling, if we don’t feel enough love, if people won’t understand and accept us for experiencing love differently or not at all – this song denounces all of those questions to say that your love is yours alone to share, give, feel and understand. It’s an experience that’s your very own, and that in itself makes it enough, whole, complete and valuable! This beautiful message made me feel so content and valid in my own identity.

I associate this song with love. by wave to earth as well, which I’ve also talked about before. This song is equally beautiful at showing how love is a unique but valuable experience. It shows how love can be confusing and cause a shift in your very being, describing it as “a small wave in my small heart” that “breaks, hardens and melts.” Many notes are flat with an unexpected pitch, but sound beautiful and harmonious with the rest of the song, showing that love is imperfect, and yet, with it, “finally our world is perfect,” and we can “see [our] eternity.” Thus, much like Mitski, wave to earth describe love as imperfect and confusing, as it so often is to aspecs, but yet, it is ours alone to feel, and it is our unique experience of it, no matter what that is to us, that can make our world feel perfect!

I hope these songs validate your aspec identity a little more – and are a great soundtrack for this Ace Week! It was a bit hard to write this post as I worried about representing as many people on the a-spectrum as I could – but after all, I’m just one person and what I can speak of best is my own experience. However, whatever you experience as an asexual/a-spec person is valid and wonderful, and you are a valuable part of this community! I hope this post could bring a little more of that community to you. I compiled a longer playlist featuring some other songs about platonic attraction and other a-spec feelings that you can find linked below! [hyperlink] Thanks for reading and Happy Ace Week!

playlist:

Spotify

Youtube Music

References:

SDL

A Long Dream

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jekyllnahyena · 1 year

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Question is commander lockup gay, pan, ace or Demi? He just looks to beautiful to be straight. Also what kind of partner would he have? If he even wanted one. Just asking.

FFKJGHJDKHGJDF ASSIGNED TOO PRETTY TO BE STRAIGHT I CAN'T-

ok, first gonna go into Lockup specifically, then gonna go into some Jekyll-worldbuildy stuff cause this has been on my mind for some time. Strap in Nonnie >:D

aight, to give the short answer, he's bi (which means attracted to all to me, idk, I grew up with it that way and the people I know that are bi are very much down to date anyone that is non-genderconforming. anyway) and currently very much not in the search of a partner, not as long as the war is going on. (and after the war? as in the canon timeline? fuck no. Lockup doesn't talk anymore now and he's shorn his hair off.) If you were to ask him, he'd say something like 'someone he feels safe with, he trusts, he can cry near without inhabitation'. It's such a broad answer, it's almost a non-answer again, though you have to know that the chance of him feeling safe enoug to cry near a person is zero to none. He'd also want someone adjacent to the war somehow or someone that is aware of what is going on. He doesn't want to have completely re-explain his trauma and terror to some civi, it's hard enough as it is to talk with people without his Everything standing in the way.

Traits he'd 'like' would be something like 'stability, kindness, self assured, humor'. Very basic, I know, but he honestly is currently just figuring things out (and has fucked around a bit because of it. He has yet to meet someone that has been able to come even close to making him wanna stay. Lockup has Issues) I'm sorry this is very hard to think about, he's a deeply unromantic person, both as in he doesn't really care for romance rn and generally unromantic. He can be, but that is more in the vain of trying out what it means to be 'romantic' to see if he'd like it. He's very ambivalent towards it. Ehhhhhhh he likes smiles? Enjoys palm kisses and the sorta snort people can do when they laugh?

....

Oh my god he wants a John Mactavish equivalent-

(I have no clue if this answered anything, but yeah. Here ya go :'))

now, for Jekyll-verse ideas, I'm gonna keep it under the cut

Look, in the broadest of all broadest senses, sexuality is a looooooot more loose in sw, at least to me. Every since I learned of that one wolf dude that is married to the future seeing death worm, I decided, screw it, I won't apply rules of attraction of our world to sw, we're going with the very basic "you like them? good" without caring for pretty much anything else. I make more of a distinction of 'has sexuell attraction or not'. Of course, there are a lot of cultures within the verse where this won't fly. Just as there's a completely different understanding of gender and sexuality in different cultures here, it's very much the case for sw. But that is going into specifics again.

I mean, Jackal (if they'd survived eyyyyyyyyy >:D) ends up with Kaia, a human with some togruta blood in his veins. Jackal is half fish, half zabrak, which is it's own whole thing again and they have teeth the size of fingers and ngl, not for everyone. Kaia on the other said 'jep! I like that one!'

So, that is all to say, I think of everyone as bisexuell unless explicitly stated otherwise. Hilarious lil fun-fact, quite a few of my characters (and headconans) are ace. Jackal, Hyde, Cody (he'll always be ace in everything thx) as examples. Margo and Eisen are aro/ace actually and it's absolutely hilarious because Eisen specifically knows he's hot and uses it as a negotiation tactic, but he's a deeply sex-averse person. Don't fuckin touch him, he will destroy you both verbally and physically.

So yeah, here's some Jekyll-verse stuff thoughts. Yay?

#ajekyllsask #commander lockup #ajekyllsramble #thx so much for the ask!!#hope this answer #anything really #but yeah this has been running around in my mind for some time but i never sit down and give any of my thoughts ayayayayayay #cw sex mention #i know its like one line but still

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wherefore-whinnies · 1 year

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romance-averse aro culture is getting a sore neck from spending so much time looking away from the kissing scenes while binging a TV show

#lol. lmao

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duckprintspress · 3 years

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Top Ten Writing Tips: Aromantic Characters

Before we launch into this, let’s have a primer on what romanticism is!

What is Romantic Attraction?

Romanticism is perhaps best visualized as the conventional trappings of a relationship: if a character gets a warm fuzzy feeling of “yes, want, be with me,” when someone brings them cut flowers, or holds their hand, or stares longingly into their eyes while snuggling in a Ferris Wheel car, those are all examples of romantic attraction. That attraction may segue into sexual attraction, but they’re not the same thing, and someone can dislike those kinds of “romantic” set ups while still experiencing all other forms of attraction.

Also, be aware: definitions of romantic behavior are cultural constructs, so will be different in different societies.

So what is Aromanticism?

Aromanticism is a lack of romantic attraction. The things described above don’t appeal to an aromantic person. This doesn’t mean they may not like those things, because they may, but they won’t be attracted by them. Many aromantic people (for example, me, writing this post) mostly find that kind of experience baffling. “Wait, I’m supposed to be feeling something right? This is supposed to be appealing? It’s just some dead flowers…” That kind of thing. Different people will of course experience it differently. It’s not a yes/no (circle one) prospect, it’s a spectrum. There are several sub-labels of aromanticism, including demiromantic, lithromantic, akoiromantic, gray-aromantic, quiromantic, and cupioromantic.

Are there other types of romanticism?

Yes, of course! The top-level division is between alloromantic and aromantic people - those who experience romantic attraction and those who don’t. Allormantic people can be heteroromantic, homoromantic, biromantic, etc. It mirrors sexuality...just, for romanticism!

You can’t write an aroromantic character without having a clear understanding of what romantic attraction is, as contrasted with platonic attraction (wanting to be friends with someone), aesthetic attraction (thinking someone is pretty), and sexual attraction (desiring physical intimacy with someone). Note that some activities may fall under more than one of these, and therefore appeal to people for different reasons. For example, some people find making out is sexual, for others it’s romantic, for some it’s both, and for many which it is will vary by situation.

Now that you have a basic idea what aromanticism is, here are our top ten tips for writing aromantic (aro) characters!

Don‘t have an aromantic character just to cross off something on your diversity list. Like with all queer identities, aromantism isn‘t a token to use so your story look inclusive. Do you research and enlist the help of an aro sensitivity reader if you want to have an aro character.

Just because there‘s an aro character doesn‘t mean the story has to be about aromantism, or romanticism, or relationships at all.

Aro characters can and should have close and loving relationships with their friends, family, and significant others. "Not experiencing romantic attraction" isn't the same thing as "not being able to love." Aro people get married. Aro people have children. Aro people have queer platonic relationships. Not all aro people, of course, but many do.

A character‘s defining trait should not be aromantism. Lots of different people are aro. Some are nice, some are assholes. Being aro doesn’t automatically mean someone will behave in a certain way or present themselves in a specific fashion.

If your story is long enough to support it, have more than one aro character. Show that there‘s a range of people who are aro (this is a good approach with any marginalized group!). Likewise, remember that most people aren’t just one thing - a character can be aro and BIPOC, or aro and disabled, or aro and trans, etc.

Avoid common stereotypes about aromantic people. These include: that they sleep around, that they’re unfeeling, that they’re incapable of any kind of relationship, that they’re robotic, that they’re doomed to misery because romantic love is intrinsic to the human experience, that they’re heartless and cold, that they’re just “losers who can’t get a date,” that it’s a sign of mental illness, that it’s intrinsically linked with being neurodivergent, that they never marry, and that they don’t want children.

Aromanticism is not the same as asexuality. Some aromantics are asexual, some are not.

Aromanticism is not something that needs to be fixed. Don’t assume that an aro character will feel like they’re missing something, like they’re less than others, or that they feel broken. Society has taught many aro people that they’re supposed to want certain things, so yes, some do feel a sense of being off, but many also are happy, healthy, understand themselves and are completely at peace with it.

Different aro people have different attitudes toward physical gestures generally construed as “romantic,” such as hugging, holding hands, kissing, and cuddling. Some may enjoy these activities; some may be averse to them. As with any orientation, there is no universal experience. This means you can absolutely write an aro character who loves hugs, or who hates hugs, and both can be accurate representation - and if anyone tells you “that’s not what it is to be aro,” they’re wrong, not you.

Aro people can and often do still enjoy consuming and creating romantic content.

And, a bonus 11th point: Please, we are begging you, don’t only write stories where an aromantic person and an alloromantic person have to navigate their differences to learn to make their relationship work. We’re so tired of that being the primary aro narrative.

Want to learn more? This article is a really good introduction to the basics.

This is a list by Duck Prints Press’s resident aros (there are three of us)! We hope you found it helpful.

#writing advice #original content #lgbtqia #aromanticism

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katara-stan-club · 2 years

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[sometimes I wonder if I’m truly aromantic and then I remember that I get uncomfortable watching couples kiss in movies/on tv because I feel like a voyeur creeping on their intimate moment]

Nah, this is really normal to be uncomfortable with, it's just so private, it's not supposed to be witnessed by other people. Aros and aces need to give "allos" credit that we have a lot more in common than not.

I genuinely cannot decide if you are a troll or completely serious anon, so I am gonna take the generous interpretation and believe you are serious. This leads me to two conclusions, where you are either:

1. from a culture/family where any sort of PDA is looked down upon (which is fine! but is not representative of american culture, which is what I am speaking from)

2. in need of some introspection with regards to how alloromantic you truly are

I have a question for you anon: if kissing scenes in movies make the majority of audiences uncomfortable, why oh why would they be included in movies? Can you fathom cishet white men making movies that make THEM uncomfortable?? I cannot for the life of me come up with a reason for why kissing is so ubiquitous in media if it's "really normal" to be uncomfortable with it. Nothing says successful movie like alienating your audience by making them uncomfortable!

I talked with two definitively alloromantic people (a friend my age and my mom) and got basically the same answer: the range of reactions upon seeing characters kiss typically spans "does nothing for me" to "aw that's cute" "that is so damn romantic I am in love" to "oooo steamy." Neither of them has the same sort of physical aversion to seeing kissing that I do (as in I physically turn my head away from the screen and close my eyes); they are both perfectly fine seeing people kiss. My mother described a scene from the movie The French Kiss where Meg Ryan's character describes why kissing is so romantic compared to just sex, and how that is one of the best descriptions of what romance is like (I tried to find the scene, but somehow typing "the french kiss scene describing kissing" did not get me many relevant results on youtube, Gee I Wonder Why).

My arospec friend I discussed this with is similar to me; we both can't watch people kiss (even if we like the couple! I love Ariel and Eric from The Little Mermaid but I Cannot watch while they kiss at the end). I won't speak for her, but for me it doesn't matter whether the couple is animated or real people: kissing is uncomfortable for me to watch. Even if I am actively rooting for the couple, I cannot watch them kiss (I also look away when Sokka and Suki kiss in atla and I love them and think they have a cute dynamic!)

So, not a huge sample size, but with two allos completely fine with kissing in media versus two aros being uncomfortable with kissing, along with how common kissing scenes are in media from kids films to rated R movies (and beyond R), I am gonna go out on a limb and say you are wrong anon. The audience is not meant to feel like voyeurs seeing characters kiss, but meant to enjoy and even relate to the kissing.

#me #anon #ask #aromantic #I'm probably projecting but this screams 'unknowingly aro' to me #if you have thoughts feel free to add them in a reblog/reply!#I would love to hear other perspectives on this #also my mom just couldn't wrap her head around anon thinking that was normal and she is super cool about me being aro #she said that even if it were just women who were uncomfy with kissing scenes then chick flicks wouldn't have kissing!#and she is so right #anyways anon maybe consider looking into arospec identities lmao

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romo-aro-culture-is · 3 years

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romo favorable aro culture is loving fanfiction and shipping and you usually don’t mind/like reading about your ship kissing, but you’re actually kiss-averse and it’s turning into kiss-repulsion because your friends are dating and they kiss a lot and somehow it’s making you less comfortable with kissing and now you can’t enjoy your ship kissing anymore because it reminds you of that :( (not blaming my friends at all though, i’m glad they’re happy. this is just a me-problem T_T)

#cultured asks #romance favorable culture #romance favorable #romance favorable aromantic culture #romance favorable aromantic #kiss repulsed #you're completly valid for not liking kisses!#your boundries are your boundries #anyone gives you trouble for it anon and they'll catch these hands

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aroambergris · 3 years

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The Fabled A-spec Post I Keep Saying I’ll Make

Since I’m p aro on sideblog + community terms are unknown to people outside the community (as well as those inside the community due to the wipeout exclusionism on the website circa 2016-onward) so I figured I’d make a quick post to let people know abt some of the things I’ll be referring to!

Terms

Allo: someone who is not a-spec; used in front of -romantic or -sexual (ex. alloromantic) or used as a descriptor (ex. I cannot believe everyone else here is allo)

A-spec / Aro-spec / Ace-spec: abbreviation for the spectrum; A-spec as an abbreviation for the entire spectrum, aro-spec as an abbreviation for the aro spectrum, and ace-spec as an abbreviation for the ace spectrum

-> a note: can be written as a-spec or aspec, but due to screen readers/ what I’ve seen dyslexic a-spec people discuss, I use a-spec. I am not dyslexic nor use a screen reader, so I cannot comment on this, and feel free to correct me if I’m wrong

Qpr/ qpp: queerplatonic relationship/ quasiplatonic relatonship; queerplatonic partner/ quasiplatonic partner. Qprs do not have a strict set of rules, and as such are hard to describe. They are not romantic nor sexual inherently, though one could be. A qpr can be committed, married, and non-romantic/ non-sexual; they can look like a romantic relationship; they can include sex and sexual elements; they can appear casual; they can be monogamous or polyamorous; they can occur at the same time as a romantic relationship. They’re very moldable. They are a relationship that, as it comes from the aro community, is not inherently romantic, but goes above and beyond traditional societal norms for friendship (though, friends can do everything a qpr does and not be in a relationship labeled as other than friends). To get a better understanding of qprs, I’d suggest looking into community resources and finding other posts a-spec blogs have made about them. AUREA, or aromantism.org, defines them as “A committed non-romantic relationship that goes beyond what is the subjective cultural norm for a friendship. Levels of intimacy and/or behaviors between the partners involved often don’t fit the conventional standards set by society. Some QPRs can include sex and elements that are generally considered romantic. In practice every queerplatonic relationship is different. Abbreviated to QPR, and queerplatonic (quasiplatonic) partner to QPP.”

Squish: a catch-all term for non-romantic and non-sexual attraction; commonly mistaken for a crush

-> a note: there are many other words for different types of attraction (plush for queerplatonic attraction, swish for aesthetic attraction, etc) but squish is a catch-all and used most often

Peach Fuzz: a qpr that pretends to be romantic/ dating for any reason

Zucchini: an old term that became uncommon after exclusionism became widespread; another way to refer to your partner in a QPR (ex. This is my zucchini!)

Amatonormitivity: The assumption that everyone is looking for a long-term romantic relationship; the assumption that romance, marriage, ‘partnering off’, etc, is the only path someone would want to follow in their life

Queerplatonic / quasiplatonic: an attraction that is ‘non traditional’ and not romantic or sexual. A hard to define attraction that is different than platonic attraction but not romantic or sexual

Aplatonic: Someone who does not experience platonic attraction; also a spectrum called the aplspectrum; can be used as an identifier (ex. demiplatonic, greyplatonic, etc)

SAM: the split attraction model, which serves to split types of attraction (ex. aroromantic and bisexual as two different terms used at the same time)

Non-SAM aro, ace, etc: commonly used as Non-SAM aro. People who don’t use the split attraction model (ex. only identifying as aro/ terms related to aro and not ace/ allosexual)

Oriented aroace: a term for people who are aroace who experience another type of attraction larger enough to label it (ex. Lesbian aroace, pan aroace, etc)

Angled aroace: a term for people who are on the a-spectrum (grey, demi, akoi, etc) and who experience a type of attraction that is not romantic or sexual, and feels significant enough for them to label it (ex. see above, angled omni aroace, angled gay aroace, etc)

Relationship anarchy: the belief that no relationship is better than another; instead of a pyramid of relationships, they’re all equal. Not specific to the community, but often discussed

Romance/ sex repulsed/ averse: someone who does not want romance/ sexual relationships/ actions taken towards them. This can go from feeling uncomfortable to getting triggered by these actions. One can be romance repulsed and not sex repulsed, or sex repulsed and not romance repulsed, or both

R/s indifferent: someone who does not care one way or the other about romance and/or sexual actions taken towards them. One might be unwilling to do romantic/sexual actions because they don’t care, or, on the other end of the spectrum, might do them anyway even though they do not feel any real want to. On a spectrum and can apply in any combination, like r/s repulsed.

R/s favorable: someone who likes romantic/ sexual actions and wants to do them. Again, on a spectrum, and in any combination, like the two above. They might seek out romantic/ sexual interactions, enjoy them, and want a romantic/ sexual relationship, despite not feeling romantic/ sexual attraction

-> a note: be careful! Sex negative and sex positive are used to refer to whether you support those who are sexual or not (ie. sex workers, those who are in sexual relationships, etc) instead of whether you specifically feel repulsed/ favorable. Don’t mix the terms up, as they mean two different things

Voidpunk: a section of punk morals/ aesthetic not unique to the aro community but coined in it. The practice of rejecting ones humanity and reclaiming their inhumanity, specifically only to be used by groups that people use inhuman against; a way to cope with dehumanization from oppressors. Not specific to the aro community (also used by poc, neurodivergent people, etc, and the intersection of multiple identities that are called ‘inhuman’) but popular inside it

Soft Romo: a term used for anyone but most often on the aro-spectrum; for people who like to perform stereotypical ‘romantic’ gestures such as dating, etc. without wanting the high-energy kissing, holding hands, etc. A ‘low-level romantic relationship’, where performing high-level romance is not preferred or just not possible due to different aspects.

-> let me know if there’s anything you would like me to add/ explain!

Symbols

[ID: an image of two hands, palm up. The right hand is on the left, and the left hand is on the right. They are resting on a dark grey blanket, and there is a light blue rug behind them. On the middle finger of the right hand there is a black ring. On the middle finger of the left hand there is a white, almost transparent, ring. End ID]

Black ring: a symbol of the ace-spec community. Worn on the right hand, middle finger. A way of identification/ pride in public w/o displaying flags

White ring: a symbol of the aro-spec community. Worn on the left hand, middle finger. A way of identification/ pride in public w/o displaying flags

Cake: a symbol commonly used in the ace community, either as a joke (ex. This cake is better than sex!/ Cake will always be better than sex) or as a symbol

Arrow: a symbol commonly used in the aro community, drawing on the way the words ‘arrow’ and ‘aro’ sound the same. Similar themes (archers, bow and arrow, etc) can also be used

Ace card symbol: the ace of a card deck, commonly used as a symbol in the ace community. While the card usage isn’t often discussed, I’ve found sources discussing each meaning; Ace of hearts-> alloace; Ace of spades-> aroace; Ace of diamonds-> the ace spectrum Ace of clubs-> questioning. Draws on ‘ace’ and ‘ace’ word play; also used in jokes (ex. I have an ace up my sleeve/ Aced it!)

Yellow roses: a symbol commonly used in the aro community. Symbolizes friendship, using the symbolism in the yellow rose

Purple/ Green: the colors in the ace / aro flags, respectively

Yellow: the ‘color of friendship’. Commonly connected to yellow roses.

-> a note: there are many more symbols in each community; space ace, frogs for aros, griffins, dragons, etc. I’d suggest looking up symbols and finding some more yourself! These are just some common ones I have seen frequently

That’s all I can think of right now, but if anyone would like me to add on things / explain more my ask box is always open and I am always willing to edit. People in the a-spec community, please feel free to comment/ correct things/ add on things you feel like I’ve missed! While I did not do a list of identities, I did not want to leave out identities that are lesser known/ made fun of. Again, my ask box is open. I linked AUREA (linked to the FAQ) above earlier (linked to the home page), which is a great site for the aro community if anyone would like to know more.

#a spec wiggenstaffz #shiny's stone of farspeech #I’m dropping this post then disappearing my head is like wowoowwwhhauuughhhahahhh #let me know if y have any questions + corrections!#this ofc is ok to rn #rb*#much of this relates back to my thundermen but qpps n rainer hcs don’t test me I have the power

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transrightsjimin · 4 years

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I'm asking as a confused trans and gay person regarding some of your recent posts saying aphobia doesn't exist, etc. Do you consider asexual people to be inherently LGBT even if they are cisgender and straight (heteroromantic)? I don't want to discriminate at all, I'm just confused because I see people fighting on here all the time about whether aces are part of the LGBT community or not. Do you have some insight for me as an ace nonbinary person? Thanks in advance!

no it’s fine lol dw!

i’m not sure how to explain this w/o being too extensive in what i say bc i’ve talked about this before but more in private conversations (and maybe some rants in tumblr posts) nd i tend to ramble abt it.

first of all i do not actually like the common conception that there is one way to define LGBT or the idea that everyone should fall within that category term or not, for example because the English language is colonial and rigid and does not reflect on experiences of all cultures, bc being gay or trans are not distinctly different experiences everywhere while they would be divided into different categories. so whereas i was more insistent on saying ‘you must be gay / bi / lesbian / trans to be LGBT / suffer from homophobia or transphobia’ i’ve come to realize now that this argument is rather exclusive of many gender diverse identities that do not correspond to all experiences or cultures. so i will stay away from using that argument.

however, i am speaking from my experience with online LGBT and asexual communities and have seen how the latter has tried to force itself into the other. i think a large issue with the asexual and aromantic communities is that they are partially based upon the creation of AVEN, an online forum founded by a homophobic and antisemitic man, and partially (though related to the former) by just blatantly made up statistics and history. not once have i seen a good argument or research or even personal accounts that illustrate very well why aphobia is a thing. i am asexual myself but do not want to take the lack of discrimination i faced for it as proof. there have been accounts of ‘aphobic’ discrimination that are either 1. much more a general concern with the OP facing misogyny and girls being sexualized, 2. someone making a remark based on a misconception of OP’s experiences or 3. misappropriation of terms and applying them to asexuality, e.g. ‘corrective rape’ was coined to refer to (African) lesbians who were assaulted under the presumption that it would turn them straight. asexuals have appropriated this term years ago to claim asexual people face rape on a large scale because perpetrators try to force them into liking sex. some people don’t even know the original meaning of the term because of this. i’m also not a big fan of this new interpretation of the term anyway, because legit sexual attraction is not the main reasons people commit rape; it is to seek power. this kind of mindset of asexual people being inherently vulnerable to sexual violence due to lack of feeling sexual attraction is seriously harmful; in the crime show Law and Order SVU, a suspect was let off because some main character said the suspect was asexual and this couldn’t have done it. people can be and sometimes are raped by an asexual person, because it is about taking advantage of someone and not attraction. the sole fact that so many authors of overly fetishistic fanfiction are asexual should prove this much, but instead the lack of attraction is used to distance oneself from the harm one can still cause.

and yes, asexual people can face discrimination, especially if you’re a girl you’re expected to be sexually submissive, which is pretty horrifying on its own. but this is not the same as targeted discrimination on a mass scale or institutional whatsoever. we are not thaught as we grow old that asexuals are disgusting, are a joke, or need to be violently murdered. my biggest issue with the asexual and aromantic community that we (as i have removed myself from it years ago) keep telling it that anecdontal accounts of being mildly discriminated is nowhere near the same as risking being kicked out of your house, being violently attacked due to the way you appear or having a partner of the same gender, being systematically discriminated by all sorts of institutions in society and being thaught that what you are is bad from an early age on. and then the counterargument is that LGBT is more recognized but asexual and aromantic isn’t, so ‘ace / aro’ people deserve to be included because they are underrepresented in media. but that is not the case at all. the speed at which asexuality has suddenly been incorporated and included into LGBT spaces, also offline, has been ridiculously fast. nowadays when you see a bunch of LGBT flags you see the asexual one being included a lot, sometimes in 3 different versions, while the lesbian flag is nowhere to be seen. lesbians are consistently excluded from their supposedly own community and they are not included in LGBT due to a need to change underrepresentation or lack of awareness, but because they face their own version of homophobia. the most mind-boggling thing about cis / cishet asexual and aromantic people being told that they are not oppressed, is that the response is not relief (’oh i’m glad i don’t face systematic oppression for this thing’) but anger (’how dare you not let us into your group!’). LGBT is seen as a fun party that is unnecessarily mean to anyone it gatekeeps, as if it is not actually necessary to keep out cishet people who benefit from their privilege and can use that against the rest in the group if they join.

my largest issue with the asexual community however, and i’ve touched upon this a bit before in the post, is that it victimizes itself, to such a degree where it puts itself oppositional to ‘allosexuals’. the whole idea that people who experience sexual attraction to another person are inherently privileged over abd hold power over asexual people is just not true (and the same goes for this rethoric for aromantic people). this idea is so wrong and the whole concept of the ‘allosexual’ as oppressor collapses once you consider that people who are attracted to the same gender are actually in danger and oppressed for their very attraction. not only are those who experience attraction (that isnt platonic) to other people portrayed as oppressors, but also as perverted freaks. once i decided to stop associating myself with acearo people and instead interact with LGBT people with other experiences, i realized just how much stigmatizing abd frankly, homophobic and transphobic bullshit i’ve adopted within the spaces i used to be in and that i still see gather a lot of traction (now their harmful points are also used on twitter and IRL in the public domain). the community has a huge issue where it teaches you to be puzzled and grossed out by people who want to date / kiss / have sex with other people, and this results in GSAs that now include asexuals to prohibit kissing your partner per request of asexual / aromantic members, asexual people showing up at pride with ‘can we just hug?’ signs, the common serophobic jokes (’at least we dont get hiv!!’ blergh), and for me it led to a great discomfort with kissing and sex imagery and it wasn’t until i left the community that this was in fact subtle homophobia because so much content on here is lgbt themed and to combine that with the increasing aversion to romance or sex without critically looking at that is... very toxic to say the least.

so where it’s standing right now, i don’t think including asexual or aromatic people in LGBT spaces on the basis of those identities is a good idea. one community advocates for the acceptance of sex, whereas the other is stigmatizing it and painting off those who are in fact oppressed for their transness or homosexuality, as the oppressors. it clashes and it doesn’t work. the ‘ace / aro’ community (quote unquote bc i see ‘ace’ being used a lot to imply superiority over ‘allosexuals’ like, theyre being the ace at something) has too many issues, which it is largely based on, to figure out. it can be a community on its own and i do not think you need to join LGBT to have a valid identity that has something to do with sexuality or gender and deals with a form of stigma.

it woukd be a rant, i warned you lol

#asks #anon #the asexual comm #homophobia //#transphobia //#lesbophobia //#rape mention //#serophobia //

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