#just neither of us is really feeling it anymore

[thoughtsonhurtandcomfort]

Shun the Light - Ch. 9 - Moments

Slow Burn | Refuge | Decision | Mend | Hunger | Thin Mints | The Garden | Philip |

Author's Notes: Not thrilled with how this one turned out but I needed to get some ideas out of my system that aren't quite developed enough to be their own chapter. It fills in some gaps and gives them a break before the next, much whumpier chapter.

Content Warnings: brief use of mind control, that's about it. This one is pretty light.

----

One more night becomes a week, and then another.

Dante never asks Matteo to leave, and Matteo never asks to if he wants him to. Neither wants to know the answer.

-

After learning what he did about the vampire, Matteo feels it's only fair to share a little about himself. One quiet evening, Matteo joins Dante in the living room and just starts talking. He expects Dante to be indifferent or even annoyed, but instead is met with rapt attention.

"I was pretty boring until a few years ago," he begins. "Had a job, a little place, I was dating." He clears his throat and starts fussing with the hem of his shirt - which is in fact one of Dante's or possibly Philip's shirts, he isn't quite sure.

"I met this guy I really liked and we started dating, sort of. It always felt like I was more into him than he was into me."

"So people are okay with that now? You being with another man?"

"Some of them," Matteo replies. "More than there used to be but still not enough. Depends where you go."

"I see. Sorry, continue."

"Well, there's not much else. He got me into some trouble. A lot of trouble, really - "

He catches the trepidation on Dante's face and quickly adds,

"I'm not wanted by the cops or anything. Like I said...no one is looking for me. But I...changed. And I knew if I stayed there I would hurt people. So I left."

Every time Matteo gets close to telling the whole truth, he diverts at the last moment. That would change everything and he isn't ready for this to change yet. But he makes a firm promise to himself to hide during the full moon, lest he put Dante in danger.

"Where did you go?" Dante asks.

"Nowhere, really. I move around a lot. I'm not sure there's a place for me anywhere anymore."

Dante sits back in his armchair and silently reflects on Matteo's story. He doesn't press for details, which is a relief but makes Matteo feel twice as guilty for being so vague.

"When you got here," Dante says after a while, "you were in bad shape. Can I ask...what happened? Were you attacked?"

"Sort of. Some guy caught me on his property and chased me into the woods with a gun. I got cut up on branches and stuff."

That much is, technically, true.

"And after all that you still gave me your blood?" Dante muses aloud.

Matteo shrugs, trying not to feel too proud of himself considering he was only there in search of shelter. Dante was never part of the plan.

"You were in worse shape."

Dante doesn't disagree. "I never did thank you for saving me."

"Well...I never did thank you for the place to sleep."

"Mm. Glad to know my life is at least worth a bed."

It takes Matteo a moment to pick up on the dry humor. Dante isn't smiling, but there's a glint in his eyes.

Matteo wonders what that somber face would look like smiling or laughing. He wouldn't be like the man in that old photograph, not anymore. Sorrow has weighed on him too heavily for too long. But maybe it would be beautiful in its own way.

Maybe he'll even get to see it.

-

Despite his often morose demeanor, Dante is a gentle soul who feeds stray cats and leaves seeds out for the birds even though he'll never get to see them enjoy it in the morning.

Living alone almost fifty years has left him with no shortage of eccentricities. He talks to himself, never has the same routine two days in a row, takes long walks alone at night, and stores blood in mason jars in the refrigerator.

His knowledge and hobbies have been shaped by what is available to him in the house - the books in the office library, the grand piano in the living room, Mrs. Townsend's knitting and needlepoint, an assortment of games and puzzles.

And, as it turns out, basic cable.

"How in the hell did you manage that?" Matteo asks, staring at the old but functioning television.

Come to think of it, the house has electricity and running water. He never even questioned it, and suddenly he has so many questions.

"A very large savings account," Dante explains calmly. Then he looks sheepish. "I may have...borrowed Philip's identity."

Matteo stares at him.

"...I'm not proud of it."

"No, no, I don't care about that, but what happens if something breaks? Or if someone from the company comes by?"

"There's this - this thing I can do. It's probably easier if I just show you."

Dante's eyes gleam unnaturally bright in a way Matteo has only seen a couple of times before.

"Pick up that book. Balance it on your head."

All other thoughts disappear; Matteo obeys without question.

As soon as the spell is broken he snaps back to reality and the book drops to the floor.

"How...wait, did you do that?"

"No. You did."

"But you made me do it."

"Yeah. I can make someone think they were never here. It isn't harmful...I think. And I swear I didn't use it on the Girl Scouts."

Dante seems uncomfortable admitting to using this skill, but Matteo is unperturbed. Even a little jealous - his condition doesn't come with any cool powers.

"What about shopping? I guess you don't have the internet...but maybe the home shopping network?"

"No...no mail. It's not worth the risk of someone stopping by every day."

Matteo chews his lip, thinking.

"I have an idea. What if I went shopping for you? I can go out in the daytime. And I could get some real food...not that I don't appreciate the cookies! What do you think?"

Dante looks stunned.

"You'd do that for me?"

-

The next day, while Dante sleeps, Matteo follows the path of the winding, overgrown driveway to a main road and follows that until he finds a small shopping plaza. It's a long walk but he feels stronger and healthier than he has in a long time.

That evening Matteo sits back with a bowl of soup and watches as Dante eagerly goes through the bags. He had only requested a few new books, the most recent newspaper, and some new pens and pencils, but Matteo threw in some extras just because.

I owe him for letting me stay. That's what he tells himself.

It's all going too well. He should know better than to get comfortable anywhere...or with anyone. As the waxing moon grows larger each night, Matteo knows he should leave.

But he doesn't.

#vampire #werewolf #mind control #angst #loneliness #bonding #a lot of dialogue #not very plot heavy #not very whumpy #whump writing #my writing #my ocs #matteo #dante #shun the light

[llitchilitchi]

found an unfinished sketch for an old au me and @aphaerie created a lifetime ago

#drebrl #dsmp #dream fanart #dreamwastaken #c!dream art #awesamdude #bbh #antfrost #sketchbook #holy grail au #if youre curious about the au aeri wrote more about it so just look it up on her blog #genuinely miss the aesthetic of this au #and the overall story was really fun #just neither of us is really feeling it anymore #very much inspired by mucha's theatre de la renaissance posters #really happy with the overall design of this poster so I wanted to share it

[scalpelsister]

also this isnt really proper shade at larian or anything and the writing of this game is SAURE good so dont take it this way but.

i sure do wish. Minthara was not villain batted as hard as she was. Her being locked to "evil" runs and being mutually exclusive with several party members. Her being nothing more than a miniboss for your average player- who does not even know shes a potential party member! Her being so chronically unloved by the community because... shes the "evil" companion. Hell, even the amount of people saying frankly really edgy shit about killing her or hurting her completely unprompted lmao. Like I genuinely think shes been pretty unfairly demonized both by the community and by the meta of just like... the game itself because she's really actually..... kind of, dare I say, sweet? if you get to know her. ugh.

#also if i had two nickles. shes sylvanas all over again lads i fear #idk obviously larian handles her character much better than wow ever handled sylvanas but its genuinely like #kind of eerie how similar they are and how hard they where both villain batted considering how evil they actually are #ESP compared to their male counterparts #like i would argue that neither of them are any more evil- and likely are even less evil- than a lot of the men in the same game that #are not villain batted at all. #like every character in warcraft is a war criminal so sylvanas is hardly uniquely evil on that front #and i have a hard time buying that minthara is anymore inherently evil than astarion lol #idk again larian handles trauma much better and it feels... inauthentic to accuse them of not treating minthara well because shes #traumatized. thats def not the argument im making here but it IS really sad to relate to / find catharsis in another traumatized elf #only for her to be. villain batted just like the last one :/ #idk. its just a bummer. #like again thankfully its not a thesis of larians like. karlach and shadowheart and laezel are all beautiful and wonderful examples of like #traumatized women allowed to be angry and validated for being angry #BUT im selfish haha i want my bestie minthara to be able to have a happy ending w the rest of us and i dont want to see her demonized for #idk being a traumatized angry woman like!! it seems outta place for that to be the message but #whatever im rambling ive lost the plot #my post

[enbysiriusblack]

i cant decide whether i prefer sirius and remus being extremely affectionate with each other before they start dating but they both think it's 'just what they're like' together and thinking the other only likes them platonically while everyone around them thinks is so obvious they're in love

or sirius and remus being a lot less affectionate than both of them are with their other friends because they have feelings for each other and don't want each other to realise. which in turn they both see that they're not as affectionate to each other as they are with the rest of their friends so they both think the other doesn't like them that much

#i feel like in first year they weren't really affectionate at all. sirius only starting getting used to hugging ppl #and remus still wary about getting too close to people #but after that they get extremely affectionate. more than with the others UNTIL they realise their feelings #personally i think remus realises first and becomes a lot less affectionate because he doesn't want sirius to find out #and sirius in turn who does like remus more than a friend but hasn't actually realised yet thinks remus doesn't like him as much anymore #so sirius also starts backing off from affection at first but then after a bad night remus hugs him and sirius just. does not let go #and neither does remus so for the entire couple of weeks afterwards they're constantly holding hands. hugging. sitting on each other etc #AND STILL DONT REALISE THEY LIKE EACH OTHER. IDIOTS. #(im the same obliviousness but ignoring that :) #marauders era #marauders #sirius black #remus lupin #wolfstar

[periprose]

why do people on instagram unfollow but assume you want to keep following them? you're not fucking famous lol

#like full offense: if you are unfollowing me it's probably because you dont care about me or want to keep up w me #and it goes both ways right #i follow many people from high school i just dont give a shit about #and i think it would be so easy to just press the remove follower button #meaning that neither of us are following each other anymore! #instead people think that having a higher follower count than who theyre following makes them #famous lol #honestly i barely use instagram as it is and im not a popular or social person #but goddamn these people are so fucking irritating and fake like just. stop pretending you actually have 1000 followers #when most of them are people you knew as a kid and decided that they were now one of your devoted fans #like jesus it just makes me feel weird and small #i know social media isnt real but wow to literally be reduced to a number?? #i feel like social media has completely removed how people think about each other as people #in the end everyone just ends up being a side character or an npc #also im not saying these people are malicious or that they hate me #but i really just hate how shallow instagram tends to be #might just delete it someday

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

*smacking myself in the face* SHUT UP BRAIN SHUT UP

#like girl this is NOT something I need to spend every waking minute stressing out and making myself miserable about #and YET #LITERALLY LOOSEN UP I WANNA BE ABLE TO BREATHE AGAIN #Lu rambles #literally nothing has happened I went out with the theatre boy ONE time and we chatted and it was fine. I said some stuff #that in retrospect was probably super awkward but like that's life. like it was just a chill hang out except for that #I HATE social situations. theatre is one thing bc it's With A Purpose but just sitting and talking to someone #is REALLY REALLY HARD. I feel small and terrified like a frightened animal. #but it was fine! it was literally fine!!! at the end we were both like ''we should hang out again sometime'' even though #neither of us is sure if we want like... a Relationship(TM). we're just hanging out bc we get along well. it's Normal #so WHYYYYYY can I not just feel any peace or confidence anymore why did I do this to myself #I wish I'd never said anything to him in the first place. like it was chill and easy to just be friends but now?? UGH #I literally do not care enough to be THIS freaked out about it and I know that logically and yet my brain won't stop panicking constantly #I just want to RELAX 😭 #shrimp emotions

[impossible-rat-babies]

I’ve been thinking about eyrie and lyse something bad lately omg

#thinking about by virtue of spending time with papalymo they spent time with her #and how she would always try and get them out of their shell. always poke and prod at them with the best intentions #how they would call each tentative friends—if not eyrie was someone who looked out for her #and she knew they were sad and tried her best but it’s the sort of sad they’ve carried for years #but they don’t see each other again until after the dragonsong war ends #and there’s no time for catch up. there’s so much that happens #papalmyo is a kick in the stomach to the both of them #and there’s some bickering there too #eyrie bottling up the grief and the blame #the dynamic between them just. doesn’t fit anymore #neither of them are the people they used to be #and it’s extra sad throughout stormblood that lyse is moving up #and she is so determined and ready to face what is being put in front of her #it will be tough but she will manage #while eyrie is sitting there falling to pieces #they really don’t share any of lyse’s feelings #it is going through the motions. it is I am a tool to be used please use me so I don’t have to think #it’s not until 4.1 where it really clicks for lyse and eyrie how much they have changed #when eyrie kills the Qalyana woman before she can do the summoning ritual #the without a thought split second action they took #they have a nasty confrontation about it #and it’s just this kicker of lyse asking them what happened #what happened to the person she knew? #and it’s a moment where eyrie has it all shoved in their face #of just like. what did happen to them. what happened to the friend lyse had #it’s a bad time #and the relationship between the two of them hasn’t ever really gotten over that hurdle #it’s so much of how time changes the people we care about into what we cannot recognize #and the helplessness and grief that follows it and realizing how things can never go back to how it used to be #oc: eyrie kisne

[justinefrischmanngf]

i need to stop giving people my instagram i think like it’s not conducive to appearing in people’s lives and then disappearing i think i should start a number/email/letterboxd only policy because i am in such a good place to meet people and then just disappear and that’s all i need from life rn and instagram is hindering me massively in that i’m literally going to start doing this

#the best interactions with people i ahve had since moving have been people who i have spoken to completely openly to and then we have never #spoken again #this is not true i get to see vicky and that’s lovely and i also have made another friend so that’s been good #but generally like idk i just dont want to be tethered to anything i dont really want #i am always going to be tethered to my family and for so long i was tethered to ballet #i just dont want it anymore i want all my moving to be my choice not my parents #the longest i have ever lived in one house is 4.5 years #how could i possibly be expected to stay in one place after all that #i just feel this incredible barrier between me and anyone except like 2 people #i cant connect to anyone and insteadof being upset about it i just feel crazy #i’m not sad or put out over it it is just how it is for me sometimes #and i do need to reply to the people i care about but at the same time it’s like what’s the point #what’s the poitn when i just feel so disconnected fundamentally from nearly everyone i have ever known #and the thing is i do want to flit in and out of peoples lives it’s not even like i want to change this #i had a beautiful conversation with this man the first week i was in uni and he was incredible to speak to and i hope i offered him some of #that too and neither of us made any move to exchange any contact details or even our names #and THATS what i want that’s what i want from my life rn #which is maybe bad for me but i think it’s all i have in me rn #which is not true really i’m not going to stop talking to my friends and im not going to not make friends probably #but it’s such a gorgeous idea and i AM good at it i am good at talking to people once and then never again #i can do that

[countess-of-edessa]

my roommate and i had an argument today which is not good because i have never had a single argument with anyone ive ever been friends with and i have no idea how the next five months of living together aren’t going to be super awkward now

#i asked if i could have some people over for Halloween #a couple of girls #she said yes but when i told her today i anticipated there being 8 people in all there including us she kept insisting #i had only told her 2-3 people were going to be there and basically accused me of lying to get her to agree #and like. i had thought we were friends. we watch shows together in the evenings and have gone out for ice cream and stuff #and when there’s some kind of miscommunication (I know for sure i did not tell her there would only be two or three people there because i #was not planning to have only 2 or 3 people there!) #she immediately goes to accusing me to my face of lying for something as objectively stupid as inviting two to three more people than #expected to a Halloween party????? #if she had said she had thought there were going to be less people and wasn’t comfortable with the idea of five or six guests that would #have been fine. but she kept insisting that i said it would only be two or three people and accused me of lying to her about it #and then immediately left to call her mother and complain about me. she’s 22 lol #so i changed my party plans to meet up at my former roommate's apartment #because i would feel gross having it with her around anyway now #but I’m just like #I don’t get into arguments with people #i avoid conflict until i forget about it or i cut them out of my life #with neither path open to me now i have no idea what to do #im not really interested in hanging out with her as a friend anymore if she’s going to switch up on me so quickly #but it also makes me wonder if she ever thought we were friends or what #or if she has been judging me this entire time because i have two friends and occasionally hang out with them because she literally never #ever goes out anywhere #like one of the things we bonded over as roommates for compatibility was that we didn’t party and have overnight visitors and stuff #but I do occasionally leave the house to hang out and watch a movie with my friends #and literally three or four times a year i go to a bar #and come home before ten PM #im normal. im not crazy. im not out all hours of the night. ugh

[our-lady-of-mcr]

.

#anyways im still mad today but its not lingering in my head like it was yesterday #thank fucking god for that lmfao #the more i think about it the more i realize that theres really no reason to be that upset bc yeah it sucks to lose #someone so close to me like that but......she was not afraid to give me red flags even when we were in a good place #and tbh this felt like a huge neon sign screaming get out while you can #and if the other girls we were friends with want nothing to do with me after this i honestly really do not care #i didnt see them often anyways and the one is basically still a teenager who drove me nuts 95% of the time #and the other 2 dont get into drama at all so i doubt they feel any type of way about me considering neither of them are that kind of person #im more annoyed that she did this right before we had plans for one of the girls birthdays and i have a feeling thats not happening anymore #i keep wanting to ask if were still doing anything but i would actually rather die than see b so..........no thank you #even if they do say anything ive already made other plans for tomorrow so......oh well #i feel so much less insane when everyone says i didnt do anything and its scaring me that i keep thinking back to the time era she accused #me of saying shit during and im like ???? i dont remember saying that. did i say that?? did i say you shouldnt have had your kid and i just #dont remember??? did i say we hang out to escape him and i just dont remember???? and all i can think of is false memories and a situation #where someone else said those things to me in that same time period. anyways i dont know why anyone would remember that specific of wording #if it wasnt to just be used as ammo later. but i genuinely dont remember saying any of that shit esp not that recently????? #and b is ungodly great at gaslighting and she also takes shit at face value and doesnt seek further info if shes not doing okay #so im just.....yeah im taking this as my sign #and to eliza from february.....bitch did i say any of that because i do not fucking remember it #self

[cerberin]

my heart is sooooooooooooooo annoying

#i’ve been tryna sleep for three hours wooo #got me thinking about many things #one including how he seemed triggered the other day about some things we were talking about #upset at least #& it just makes me think of baby ben #it breaks my heart #& makes me wanna comfort him immediately #like i don’t even wanna be mad about the things that happened between us anymore #well tbf i’m not mad i just…? don’t trust him emotionally anymore…? #idk but thinking of baby him just makes me feel so BAD #like he’s just that little boy inside really #how can i be mad at that #i just want to love him? #this sounds more insane than it feels in my head #i guess i mean i just see his inner child and it makes me regret being mad and saying things i’ve said #which it shouldn’t because he hurt me and how can i betray the version of me that was so hurt back when it happened #by just allowing it #IDK ITS SO ANNOYING #he’s literally not even sorry #idk why i even think of his inner child fgs but w/e #i loved or love him too much ig #p #IDEK IT LITERALLY DOESNT MATTER #i don’t need to have a good relationship with him because we’re not in each others lives #there’s no reason to discuss or forgive the pain caused #if we decided to be friends or get back together then we’d have to but neither of those are ever going to happen so #🧘🏼‍♀️ #it’s literally only on my mind because of our convo the other day so #i need it to get out of my brain now i’m done thinking about shit i already put behind me pls TY

[i-have-a-lot-of-ocs]

Vent below the cut!

I had a friend in 7th grade. We had no other friends and we liked each other. We moved to 8th grade. I met an old classmate from Elementary. I went "Hi!! Come join us!! :D" and we had a "friend group".

They found something in common that I'm not really interested in/understand. They talk about it infront of me without including me nor explain and show the stuff they like. They don't respond unless I talk/approach first. And even then, even though I walked up to them first to start the convo, they usually just respond with short answers. I am practically non-existent! Even though I reserved a spot for them THEY FUCKING REFUSE AND PICK ANOTHER ONE. ALRIGHT THEN. FINE. FUCK YOU. I TRIED SO HARD TO BE THE OUTGOING ONE WHO DOESN'T COMPLAIN WHEN YOU GUYS HAVE FUN TOGETHER BUT YOU ACTIVELY CHOOSE TO NOT ENGAGE WITH ME. FINE. Fine! See how you like it when I ignore the two of you in 9th grade! Go and talk to each other on your own! You don't need me anymore! You have someone else to get together with! I don't need to be here! I'll just sit in the corner and pretend we're strangers! I hope you like it that way! You sure seem to!

#tw: vent #tw vent #cw vent #forgot to mention we were “the weirdos” in 8th grade #So if one of us gets singled out we would be alone #I tried to make sure girl 2 feels included so none of us would feel lonely #And in 7th grade me and girl 1 was also excluded from groups #Well I guess ENTPs and INFPs just don't mix #Girl 2 is still rlly nice tho #we just aren't what you'd really call friends #Just comfortable acquintances #Like if you're not close with your sibling #You know how they behave but you aren't close with them #Girl 2 is an INFJ btw #I wanna punch girl 1 tho! A lot! I act normally around her but God knows I'd kill to be able to see her mentally SUFFER #She knows this acc tho so whoops if I get found out! #It's fine she doesn't even check or care anymore ^^ #I drop so many #SO MANY hints on how I feel #But because she's a stupid dense idiot she doesn't pick it up #Needs it spelt out for her; of course! #Though even then when I spelt out how I felt she just freezes. Like bitch I'm trying to be straightforward so we can talk here hello?? #I get you feel stressed but COME ON. I'M NOT GONNA WAIT FOREVER AND NEITHER WILL THE WORLD #Stay in your F corner; I guess

[guinevereslancelot]

is there any worse feeling than when you feel like someone is mad at you bc they literally are mad at you

#i came into the living room and my dad was yelling abt how he basically hates everyone in the whole family #bc nobody got around to reqding the latest chapter of his book yet #but he was really upset and mad #i get being hurt by that but it literally is not a personal rejection people are just busy idk #he didn't let on he was upset at all until he completely flipped out #now he doesn't want anyone to read it anymore #he's really hurt tho bc we all always read my mom's stuff #and my brother and i talk abt what we're writing together all the time #and i get there's a special kind of hoy sharing your writing with someone but only when they're really interested and engaged #unfortunately the two people most likely to care abt hia book are my two oldest brothers and they dont live w us #so they cant really give him that feedback #he did send hia chapters to them but they arent around to talk abt it and havent responded yet #basically nobody actually cares abt his book #he's been talking abt writing one for like ten years or more and only started in the past few months #its a zombie book and full of his really weird and controversial political and religious takes tho sp its a stressful read #i dont really agree w him on certain issues and we're ok abt it usually but it makes reading it more stressful #anyway #he's really upset tho #and he can only express unpleasant emotions through anger so i shut down and cant interact #and he specifically said he doesnt want people do do the thing he's so hurt that we didnt do #so there's no real way to set things right to alleviate my anxiety #he's a very difficult person to love with sometimes but he's really generous and has done a lot to help me #so i can live my dream and start a business and he's not really pressuring me abt my job seaech and rent and stuff #so it does make me feel guilty that i basically didn't care abt his book #it wouldnt be as bad if literally everyone in the family hadn't also done that #when he does to much for everyone #he's mad at everyone but im the only one having a panic attack and im the only one he didn't yell at #he's not handling his emotions well but neither do i so we usually just dont acknowledge things like this until everyone is over it #but i hate that i literally need conflict to be resolved immediately or i go insane

[sandyspaghettibag]

The best thing about all of this frankly nerve-wracking gay stuff is that it's all online and I'm, in the most confusing sense, essentially completely anonymous. It's so reassuring that, no matter what happens, if things get out of control, I can end it all by simply turning off my phone. Nobody knows where I live, where I am, how to find me… I can just head to bed without a worry in my head that anything will happen to me for the rest of the night and until I wake up.

This feeling of relief that comes with "I can really sleep for hours and hours and nobody will need me" might be why I'm naturally averse to friends, but I really can't describe how good of a feeling it is at the right time to have nobody need you. In my first (technically second) online psuedo-relationship, which lasted a whole half year unfortunately…, the most relieving and gleeful part of the entire break-up was being able to go to bed without ANYONE needing me, with literally nobody whose attention I was obligated to host. Like all those online friends I amassed throughout that year didn't care if I took a whole day to get back to them, but I draw the line at waiting to message back when it comes to boyfriends.

Let me just say, I have never experienced such relief until I realized before sleeping one night after the break-up that I no longer NEEDED to log into that account, for any reason at all. I didn't need to worry about a person calling the police in my state or doing rapid and frantic searches online to find my address if I was 0.4 minutes late to responding to a message. I was free and I'm still free.

So should I stay free, try a different approach, or climb right back into the shackles by repeating what I already discovered was bad for me?

#I think this is why I can so honestly say that I've never been in a relationship when people ask me #it used to feel like lying but now it feels accurate to me #likely because i've become so distant from that account that it feels like it doesn't even apply to my life as a whole anymore #like it's barely even me #also that relationship wasn't even a relationship; from day one I wasn't doing any of the “boyfriend” title stuff #call me a bad partner idc #y'all don't have context so i don't blame you if you think i was just a sucky lover for that #(i kinda was either wayyyyy but that's neither nor there) #serious #serious but also not really

[ghostjelliess]

We've been so many people together, I don't know which version to display at The Event.

#wedding planning #its been twelve years #it's just a party #but a very expensive party #and weve never really been the party type for long #we'll stop by to dance if there's good music #but were over here like two hummingbirds picking out a feeder: any will work #we wont sit at it long anyway #but there are real flowers we'd rather spend that money on tasting #but the truth of it is that we moved away from our families for good reasons as soon as we graduated college a decade ago and #i think all six of our parents want the validation of our wedding so they can happily continue to repress all the rightful reasons we left #why would we give them that when all we wanted for ourselves was peace and freedom that others dont have to ask for or run away to find #neither of us know who we're validating anymore so we're probably going to plan an elopement instead #we promised them a wedding but we didnt promise theyd be there and one of them refused to come anyway #i liked making them come to me for once after ten Christmases of flying back home #but now im just... I've been cut loose like a fraying thread and I've never been happier or more content. #there is no conclusion yet #there's just the feeling of apathy and rage #its brave of us to want to get married after them in the first place #this all started because picking out aesthetics was hard lol #i guess its time for another talk about how we want to be married but its annoyingly hard for two neurodivergent brains #we love to dance but not in the middle #we can do paperwork but the rounds of chores required makes us both pause #okay #im done now #this was cathartic

[shadow4-1]

I'm just imagining using a secluded space on base to do some yoga away from the 141, only to realize Ghost's been watching disapprovingly the whole time.

Like, what you lack in raw strength compared to the boys, you have in agility. You're not nearly as rigid. You're flexible, and it's only because you take the time to work on it. You have several methods but dancing and yoga are by far your favorite.

Neither hobby you can enjoy on base much, because well...you always get stared at. So, you take it upon yourself to clear out part of old studio space used for storage. It's kind of crappy, with cracked tile and dust bunnies galore, but it'll do. You play some music in your earbuds and do your beginning stretches on your mat.

When you're in the zone you're in the zone. You end up in a place far away and yet still within yourself. The burning stretch from some of your maneuvers feels so good you nearly groan. You get lost in the personal meditation. One certain position uses a specific pair of muscles in your lower back. It takes you a moment to realize why it makes you gasp. You bite your lip and decide to take a short break.

As you untangle your body you feel something's off. You're physically fine, but your heart starts to race. Your stomach lurches. You move to stand, suddenly startled by seemingly nothing.

"Yer doing it wrong."

And just like that Ghost makes himself known from behind a shelf. He's in his workout clothes, which isn't much but some slinky basketball shorts and a tank top. Black of course. His mask is the soft one he uses when he's not on the field.

You scoff at him, still feeling on edge but also relieved at no immediate threat.

"You do yoga?" You ask incredulously. "Fine, big guy. Show me how it's done."

He rolls out a mat and gestures for you to copy him. It's a simple move, one you've perfected. And yet he still shakes his head at your form. You try it again. Wrong. Again. Wrong.

"Where am I going wrong?"

You don't expect him to reach over and grab your back leg. He pulls it out further. You stumble and he rights you with the same arm. He tuts at you, but he's the reason you're off balance.

"Lift your back. No. Higher. Your hip should be down."

Next thing you know he's behind you, his large hands making your body twist and bend. You end up in the same position as you'd been in earlier, but this time you can really feel the stretch. Maybe he was right, you were doing it wrong.

You tilt your back up and feel the familiar stretch. It's better than you've ever been able to get it on your own. You can't help the soft groan that leaves your lips. The last time those muscles had been used was before you joined the 141, when you'd still had a boyfrie-

Two hands grab at those spots. Large thumbs work circles into the areas. Despite yourself, you moan. This was going a bit too far but...

The more he kneads the more you fall to your knees. You can't hold the position with your back up anymore. You practically collapse onto the mat, ass up, Ghost knelt over you.

He still doesn't let up. His thumbs dig into those circles hard enough it should hurt but instead you only feel bliss. You bite your lip, it feels so fucking good. Eventually he relents, and stops digging into you. You whine at the absence.

"That feels so good." You groan, voice sounding way too needy for what just occurred.

"M' glad." Ghost huffs amusement evident in his tone.

Ghost grabs you and flips you over onto your back. He grabs one of your legs and pushes it as far forward towards your head as he can without hurting you. He does the same to the other. It's a weird position, but it's not far off from some of the other ones you're used to. It burns but it also feels good. Considering you're flat on your back, you feel supported.

You smile up at him, a little breathless but also happy that he's willing to help you out. Yoga did not seem like something any where near his wheelhouse.

"I didn't know you liked yoga. How did you learn about this stuff?" You ask, using your own arms to hold your legs in position as Ghost gets up higher on his knees.

Ghost huffs behind his mask as he looks down at you. He narrows his eyes, his head blocking out the white light of the overhead flourescents. You feel a hand slide between the material of your shorts and the curve of your ass.

"The Kama Sutra."

#cod imagines #mw2 #call of duty #mw2 headcanons #simon ghost riley #cod mwii #simon riley x reader