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krolock-in-the-snowlock · 4 years

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I watched Broadway’s Dance of the Vampires so you don’t have to

Ever wondered how bad the broadway version actually is? Now’s your chance to find out, my friend...

So about a month ago, I came across a bootleg of the broadway show and, because it was late and I am a Certified Idiot, I decided to watch it and write down my thoughts. Having heard how bad it was, I knew to expect a train wreck, but I had no idea just how much of a train wreck it was going to be until I pressed play and witnessed something that truly cannot be described in words.

I was originally just going to post my whole list of thoughts but it ended up being over 5000 words (many of which were me screaming NO and wHYYY) so I’ve put it in a separate post, so click that link if you want to read it in its entirety!

Instead, I’ve decided to do a (slightly) shorter summary of ‘highlights’, if they can really be called that, with a kind of silly score for each ‘category’. A review, if you will. I’m sure I’ll have missed some things, but this should hopefully at least give you an idea of what exactly they did to poor Tanz der Vampire. Still, I apologise for the length of this in advance - I just had a lot of thoughts, okay?

A quick disclaimer: While I have seen clips of producations of Tanz from various countries, I’ve only seen the whole production once - the Berlin bootleg from somewhere around 2009-11 - so I’ll mostly be comparing with that!

I know the broadway musical is a big taboo subject, so I’m not expecting many, if any, to actually read any of this. But if you ever wondered how bad it was and didn’t want to have to actually watch it, this post is for you!

So, without further ado…

The Characters: -7/10

Let me begin by saying that many of the characters bear almost no resemblance to the originals. The worst case, of course, is with Giovanni von Krolock. A cringeworthy caricature, his awful faux-Italian accent, terrible jokes and horrifying bat form make him the polar opposite of what Krolock is supposed to be. In my notes, I actually referred to him as Giovanni rather than Krolock, because this is not Krolock; where Krolock is mysterious, aloof, powerful, and occasionally slightly sarcastic, Giovanni is silly, makes puns in nearly every line, and commands no respect or fear whatsoever. I resent that I began to ironically enjoy mocking him by the time I’d finished watching it.

Alfred is absurdly confident and confrontational, and narrates everything he writes in his journal (and tbh is probably a closeted bi). Sarah now apparently has friends and is allowed to leave her room. Koukol doesn’t exist, and is replaced by a man that Krolock hypnotises, who sometimes acts like a dog. Herbert is French, ridiculously stereotypical, and there is a very poor attempt from Krolock at pronouncing his name in a French accent. The other characters are fortunately mostly the same as the originals, although not entirely.

The Music: 2.5/10

Oh, the music… how do I begin?

Long story short, it was generally horrible. Multiple songs were cut entirely, and others were mashed together into strange frankensongs. The opening song, for instance, is completely different (and was what immediately made me realise I’d made a terrible mistake in deciding to watch it). The lyrics were mostly not as interesting as the original German lyrics, and often had less syllables, so the songs often felt empty and drawn out.

Many of the songs had slightly different overall meanings/purposes to their German counterparts, and I though that songs like Total Eclipse and Invitation to the Ball were way too sappy and romantic, lacking any of the drama and tension of Totale Finsternis and Einladung zum Ball. Krolock had been so ridiculous the whole time that Die Unstillbare Gier sadly could never have worked, even if the lyrics had been better. The singing itself was actually pretty good from what I remember, which was the only thing that saved the music, but Krolock’s horrible accent ruined many of the songs he was in. There was so much potential for it to be good if they’d just done a faithful adaption…...

I could go on forever about the music (as I do in my full commentary) but that would probably need a whole new post! So instead let’s move on to…

The Costumes: 2/10

Boring. Sarah’s red ball gown is nice enough, but all of the other vampires’ costumes are painfully simple and poorly designed. Krolock lacks a cape for most of the musical (which is a crime), Herbert is dressed in a hideous bright blue coat and an aggressively yellow wig, and the finale costumes are just simple black leather coats. It all lacks any of the detail or, in Herbert’s case, sparkle, of any of the other versions of the costumes that I’ve seen. While I should probably note that this was in 2002, it is still noticeably simpler than other productions of Tanz around the same time. Krolock also lacks his usual makeup, and Herbert’s is just ugly. And Krolock’s top hat in the opening? Why???

The Staging: -5/10

When they aren’t dancing, most of the ‘staging’ is just the characters at opposite sides of the stage facing each other. It doesn’t matter what is supposed to be happening in the scene, or the message of the song; they just... stand there. Occasionally, if you’re lucky, the characters might stand next to each other, but such close proximity is a rare occurrence in Dance of the Vampires, saved mostly for Alfred or Krolock with Sarah or Herbert and, in a strange duet about books, Krolock and Professor Ambronsius.

Krolock does pretty much nothing in Die Unstillbare Gier, and the staging for Einladung zum Ball was very confusing, at least when they weren’t just standing still. Sarah’s bedroom inexplicably becomes a cloudy place with no floor, and it was never quite clear whether the scene was a dream or not. Considering the rest of the musical, either possibility is honestly equally likely. At one point at the start of the first act, Krolock literally rises out of the ground in a huge coffin. I could go on. Also the sponge Krolock gives Sarah is a fraction of the size of the one he gives her in the original, which I like to think is a metaphor for the broadway production itself.

The Sets: 3/10

While not accurate to any other versions at the time or since, a couple of the sets were admittedly quite pretty (though still not quite on Kentaur’s level). However, there was no inn structure for the first act, and some of the sets were quite limited. One of the most popular (and nicest) sets in the second act is a huge stairway covered in a frankly impractical number of candles.

In the finale, despite the characters on multiple occasions declaring that the story takes place in Transylvania in “18something”, the background is for some reason Times Square with all of its neon signs (which I’m pretty sure did most certainly not exist in the 1800s). Whether a huge location change and time skip of a couple hundred years has taken place or whether the directors and set designers finally gave up trying to make the story make sense, I have no idea.

Worst Moments:

I just had to include this section! These are only a few of the worst and/or most bizarre moments I could pick out. I’m sure there’s more that I forgot but here are some (read: quite a few) of my favourites:

Krolock, wearing a top hat, rising from the ground in a giant coffin before saying, “God has left the building”

Krolock appearing as a hideous animated bat thing

Sarah and her friends getting high on mushrooms in the opening

The fact that Sarah’s birthday is on Halloween at midnight during the total eclipse of the moon

Krolock offering Alfred a sponge shaped like a penis then slowly tilting it down when Alfred says no

Ambronsius decorating Sarah’s room in Halloween decorations to scare off Krolock

Krolock genuinely being convinced that Sarah is a literal princess until he visits her room

Krolock and Ambronsius harmonising about books together

The big grey winged gargoyle demons dancing on the bed during Carpe Noctem

Krolock repeatedly dressing in a big grey dress and pretending to be his own mother/wife/who even knows what

Alfred angrily threatening Krolock, followed by Krolock physically attacking Alfred (this happens on more than one occasion)

The nonsense ‘prophecy’ they randomly introduce

“I use my body as a bandage, I use my body as a wound” (and this is instead of “Ich will frei und freier werden, und werde meine Ketten nicht los”) WHAT DOES IT MEAN

Koukol-replacement saying, “Okay, here he is, the man you’ve all been waiting for, his excellency… the Count von Krolock!) and Krolock waving and pointing like a rockstar as he kisses people walking down the stairs to the ball

Krolock dramatically dying on the stairs at the end of the ball for a solid minute

The Good Parts

Surprisingly, there were a few redeeming features!

Firstly, the couple of songs where they kept things very similar to the source material (such as Knoblauch) were actually quite good at times. Unfortunately, this isn’t to say that they were necessarily good, but compared to the less faithful parts they were a nice surprise, even if Knoblauch was never my favourite song from Tanz.

The singing itself was generally pretty good too! I also hate to admit that I did at times find myself laughing a little at the awful jokes.

And... uhh...

...yeah, that’s about it...

Some Highlights From My Notes:

And finally, here are some out of context quotes from my notes that I feel sum up the musical quite well:

It sounds like he’s about to start a really sad rave

I was gonna roast the lyrics some more but I’m gonna be honest I’m not sure what he’s saying

This feels on the same level of what kind of acid trip hallucination parallel universe have I landed in as seeing the Cats film in the cinema

Is this actually Deadpool in disguise with all the fourth wall breaking

Crawford looks like he regrets everything and can I just say Michael so does everybody else

He looks like a potato or a rock or that neutral nicolas cage face that people put on the sequin cushion

This sounds like a poorly written Krolock/reader wattpad fanfic

Giovanni would highkey be like lol arent i so random rawr xd on myspace

He might as well have said, “Itsa me, Mario”

They’re just stood there like two pigeons aimlessly squawking at each other

Alfred is like a chihuahua with small dog syndrome barking at a bigger dog, except Giovanni is barely bigger and is a flea-infested Chinese Crested dressed in a cheap Halloween costume

The throne glides like a magic carpet only it doesn’t leave the ground so I suppose it’s actually more like a chair with wheels, which is much less exciting

He just stands there like a poorly-dressed rock

-22/10 would not listen again

Final Comments:

So, if you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading and I hope that was somewhat informative and/or entertaining for you! It took me weeks to get through the whole musical because I couldn’t stand watching it for too long at a time, and maybe you can see why! Like I said at the start of this monster of a post, there’s probably a lot that I’ve forgotten to mention, so if you’re unfortunate enough to have seen any of this car crash of a musical, feel free to add your thoughts! :D

#tanz der vampire #dance of the vampires #watching the broadway production was a good 4 hours of my life that I’ll never get back #was it worth it?#honestly I’m not sure #but here we are

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heroes-writing · 5 years

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Hello new friend! Could I please request a scenario for Amai Mask with an s/o who had been turned into a kinda grotesque monster, and he was on her way to save her, but she didn't make it in time? The person who captured reader was out to ruin Amai, so The only way to transform her back, is to announce at his next concert (a huge one) that he was dating her, kiss her in front of everybody, and wait 24 hours. That works, but does he do it? Thank you!

Very interesting! I tried to make this as in character as possible lol?! Amai Mask is kind of a grey character for me, but I happen to believe him to be hiding dark depths. (In the manga he can be very ruthless and vain so ahh I felt very sorry for his monster s/o for a hot minute…)

So TBH: since -I- personally don’t trust this guy with the safety of any monster, regardless if it’s his s/o or not-- and because you gave me the option of “does he do it?” Weeellll! Read on and find out how he-- and the reader! Handles it!

Warnings: Dark themes, unhealthy relationships(?), inevitable break up.

Word Count: 1766

“Tell me where (Name) is before I slaughter you both—”

The woman in question flinched, her eyes watering and spilling over onto pallid grey cheeks.

The scientist holding her shackles reared his head back and belted out a cruel, shrieking cackle. The sound bounced around the cavernous lab. The mixture he had poured over (Name) sloshed in large beaker he held in a gloved hand, and he gestured with it almost drunkenly.

“Why Amai Mask—She’s right here!!” With a rough shove, her binds were released, and (Name) fell to the floor with a cry. Even in this cruel form, all hard and shell like in places, the fall hurt. A sob tore from her lips as her hot tears rained on the ground.

Even monsters can cry…(Name) thought as she sniffled and picked herself up. In a burst of hope, she dared to meet Amai’s gaze—She hoped to see a protective glare, or worried shock.

…Instead there was an ominous shadow cutting across his features, and his eyes were burning bright.

Not from recognition, not from love—All (Name) could see was hate.

His beautifully clenched jaw, his sculpted brows raised in apathy... (Name) had never seen this dark side of him directed AT her before. It was almost unthinkable to see him react so viciously.

The veins in her lover’s face were pulsing. It was a dangerous signal that every fiber of his being was flexing in white hot anger. She had cooed over it once before when he had dispatched a monster on one of their first dates, but not now.

He snapped his head to the side, making his flawless hair lay just so across his forehead to hide it. She assumed he would have threaded a hand through his perfect blue locks if both palms weren’t dripping with blood.

I’ve never seen him this angry…

Doesn’t he know it’s me?!

His eyes were growing hazy as he stared at (Name)—his irises doubled as they flickered at high speeds over her form.

He was judging her tears as weakness and analyzing her every flinch for signs of retaliation. There was not a hint of recognition within them, and she couldn’t help but whimper and hide her face in her heavily clawed hands.

The scientist laughed again, “You really don’t know!! How pathe—hiii!!" Their words were cut short as Amai released a low snarl.

Bloodlust flooded the room as if a dam had given way. The intent to kill was suddenly so thick in the air the scientist choked on his word and screamed instead.

The situation was becoming too stressful for (Name) to overcome. Her bulky shoulders hitched as heaving sobs wracked her body. Her tears were murky and discolored like mud—

Amai Mask swiped his hands low, perfectly dispelling the gore on them. The impact of the splash laid holes in the ground as if it had been sprayed with acid.

“I’d be careful if I were you…I don’t have to make your death quick, villain!”

He stepped closer, and something in (Name) flashed in bright neon lights: Danger! Keep away!

“Tell. Me. Where. (Name). Is!!”

(Name) shivered as a mirage of her lover flickered behind her.

As she turned in shock, the scientist was kicking his legs in the air. His voice squawking with the effort to keep his throat protected while Amai lifted him by his tie and collar..

“T-There—She—SHE’S RIGHT THERE!!” He pointed with both hands at (Name), and the solution he held crashed to the floor. The concoction was so strong it transmuted even the concrete into a monstrous shape.

Amai’s golden eyes peered down, before he slowly turned to face (Name) again. The scientist swung and scrabbled to lift himself up in Amai Mask’s iron grip.

Her lover’s face was devoid of emotion. “You really expect me to believe that you turned her into this monster?”

His voice was so cold…If her form hadn’t been changed, she would have never doubted his resolve to rescue her.

But now…

Doubt was thick and rotten in her stomach as she looked down at her body. She didn’t even recognize herself as she glanced down at her oozing and crusty hands and feet. Her clothes were shredded, but present. Surely, he could see the evidence of her transformation.

Her only other saving grace against Amai Mask’s brutal fury…Was that her voice was unchanged.

“Love….Love, it’s me, (Name)! I-I’m sorry I look like this!--”

His eyes glinted red as he bared his teeth, “Don’t try to save your pitiful life with lies!!!”

He raised the scientist up, his arm fully extended and clenching hard, “I’m tired of your games—” He raised his other fist and curled it into a fist, threatening a killing blow.

The scientist knew the jig was up.

“N-nonono! If you want to turn her back! It’s simple! J-just hold a concert in my honor—I MEAN!” They squeaked as Amai squeezed, “Kiss your monster lover in front of a crowd and I’ll turn them back—” With sweat dripping down his forehead and cheeks, he managed a small impish smile.

“No.”

Both (Name) and the scientist froze…

“…W-what?” The scientist’s eyes bulged behind foggy glasses, “D-don’t you want them to return to normal?!”

“I’m going to kill you now.”

“No! NO PLEASE—"

Amai Mask hushed him and set the scientist down with a scoff. He leveled them with stare of pure indifference.

“There’s one thing you must understand first since you’re human…”

“--As a hero, I will not buckle under the threat of others.”

The grip Amai had on the scientist crunched in a sickening sound. His musical voice carried over the sudden rush of desperate screams.

“As an idol, I won’t ruin my reputation for such a bold-faced lie.”

With a move so fast (Name) couldn’t comprehend, Amai Mask threw the scientist to splatter against the furthest wall. Computers shattered and buzzed with electricity. The foundations shook, the lights flickered, and dust rained from the ceiling in a sudden choking cloud.

Amai didn’t even flinch and instead brushed off his shoulders. He barely reacted at the sound of (Name)’s breaths turning shallow in her throat. He didn’t twitch when (Name)’s hazy vision made her sway in place.

He seemed to watch her curiously before he finally decided to face her. His hands slipped into his designer jean pockets as he hummed and blinked as if bored.

To have that gaze directed at her…It paralyzed (Name) from the neck down. Growths of all kinds dotted her form, and they shivered and folded back like a cat’s ears in response. Even as she gulped and cowered, her display of surrender was clear.

…But she knew--!!

Amai Mask hated monsters. Wanted them all dead--

“They must not live. They are evil.” She had heard those words before, and they were ringing in her skull like a siren.

“I-It’s me!! I can prove it!!” She sniffled and pressed a sincere hand against her chest.

“Go on, then.” He replied coolly.

Biting her lip with sharp teeth she panted, “I-I know you were stressed out about your movie premiere! You told me in the green room before your interview—T-that you weren’t sure if the—the film would surpass your one from last year.”

He stepped closer, his heels clacking on the ground.

She buckled deeper into herself, cradling her head in her hands.

“You liked the strawberry mango smoothie I got you on our first date—” her voice warbled at the memories.

“You ate it for me even though you said you were dieting!”

(Name) shook her head hopelessly, “Amai, there has to be an antidote somewhere. Something that can change me back!!”

Before she knew it, he had closed the distance. The sight of his shoes tapping impatiently just before her knees turned her blood to ice. Wincing in on herself, she heard the slight gentle jingle of his many bracelets as he squatted.

“No, please, Amai…” She pleaded.

She didn’t want to raise her face—not if she had to meet her doom at the hands of her love, but one of his fingers dared to tap at one of the growths on her chin.

Shivering and crying, she squeezed her eyes shut and lifted her head.

“(Name), if that’s really you, then tell me what I prioritize most as a hero…”

The words formed unbidden in her throat, “You—You have to be beautiful, strong, and skillful…always.”

He paused for a long moment, before sighing.

“Correct.”

He pressed his hands against his knees and stood smoothly. He didn’t offer her his handkerchief as he usually would, nor did he lend a hand to help her stand. His attitude was distant as he reached into his jacket and flipped open his cellphone.

He barely looked at her as he dialed a number.

“I’ll call the association. We’ll get some scientists to try and create an antidote if one can’t be found around here…” Then as if composing himself, he closed his eyes and nodded to (Name), as if she were a person he had bumped shoulders with on the street.

“I’m sorry this happened to you, (Name). For not being able to save you, I’ve gone against my own code of excellence...” He placed a hand on his chest, before turning away again.

(Name) blinked, speechless, as Amai walked away and began ordering the association at the other end into action. He walked and walked…

He carried on right out of the room.

Unsure of how to proceed, (Name) sat there shivering until a team of H.A. scientists arrived in contamination suits. The lab was swept, (Name) was put into immediate care, and Amai kept his distance—

No, he kept busy, is what he told the news outlets regarding (Name)’s disappearance.

“She has fallen ill, unfortunately. Please pray for her good health.”

His smile was, as usual, perfect in every way as he glittered on the tv in (Name)’s private room…She hadn’t seen him in person since his “heroic rescue.” But then again, she didn’t want to.

The growths were going away, slowly but surely. Her skin was returning to its normal pallor, the shells and carapace fell away to reveal her hair, but she had an awful feeling that’s all Amai Mask would see if he looked at her even now. She had no idea what to believe was real about that man anymore.

(Name) was almost glad he chose to stay away. It would make breaking up a hell of a lot easier.

#Amai Mask #opm #one punch man #opmscenario #opm scenario #angst #dark #SORRY I DONT TRUST HIM KJSBNCKJS #he's a jerk he's a jerk #and its hard canon that he loathes monsters sooo #Anonymous

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thewanderingmacy · 7 years

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Vienna and Graz

Oy vey. I forgot to write. I’m currently in Salzburg where Mozart was born (or as Mother likes to say, some famous composer).

Alright so I arrived in Vienna in the evening so the first day I just went grocery shopping. Surprisingly, the stuff I bought has lasted me a week later. I bought some amazing chocolate coated wafer cookies and just finished the bag today. It’s funny, every stop, I go grocery shopping and ended up having a main meal/snack to associate with that trip. Dublin was pasta with feta cheese and chicken and fries and chicken strips, Prague was PB&J sandwiches, the rest of Czech was hot dogs, Budapest was pizza, Vienna was rice dishes and pasta with veggies (I only ate out like twice in a week).

Vienna was obviously stunning. It’s where the Habsburg’s (the Austrian royal family) were centred around for like 800 years I think. Whereas Prague was Easter coloured and detailed, this was similar but was slightly lighter and less saturated, making it seem more glamorous and sophisticated. Cream coloured buildings galore but the actual texture and design of the buildings was similar. The area I was staying in was a 5 minute walk to the summer residence of the Habsburg’s and the surrounding gardens. I could see the palace from the apartment airbnb I was in. It was a strange airbnb. A bunch of people lived in this huge apartment and my room was above the loft- I had to climb a ladder to get inside. It was like 4 feet tall inside so I had to sit and only had a bed but hey, it was cheap and did the job. I didn’t speak too much to the other people there. They always spoke in German and I just for the most part have no interest in conversation, as it’s always small talk. I spoke to one girl who was talking about the political situation in Austria but I didn’t have much to offer. There was also a strange man who limped around all day and cleaned. Almost everyone smoked (there was about 5 people in the apartment) and I’ve found that it’s super popular in Austria.

Anyway, the first day in Vienna, I started a bit late. Vienna has a bunch of City Bikes stationed around the city where you can rent a bike, the first hour being free (and tbh no way am I gonna be on a bike for a full hour) and drop it off at one of the dozen other stops in the city. That was my main mode of transit, since it’s free, but it was terrifying. First of all, I haven’t been on a bike in years so I’m not super fluid with it. Second of all, I have never ridden a bike in the city, not even Toronto, so the thought (and the reality) is terrifying. Bike lanes randomly begin and end, and sometimes I was riding with cars on the road. One time I even went between two lanes of moving cars and (I’ll never do it again, don’t worry Tami) I was screaming inside. So the first day I learned that the google estimate for biking time is wrong, for me, as I consistently took double the suggested time. I get that I’m slow, literally everyone was passing me, but double? I was moving. It was supposed to take me under 30 mins to get to the city centre and it always took me almost an hour. So the first day, I left at 1:30pm to attend a 2:30pm walking tour and arrived with a couple minutes to spare. I thought I was at the right one, since it had a “Free tours” sign but after a few minutes, they said it was a Hitler walking tour and I looked around and couldn’t find the one I wanted. So, instead, I thought I’d take a day to check off all the churches in the city centre and my god, there was a lot. They were some of the most extravagant churches I’ve ever seen. Decked in gold, and huge statues, and paintings everywhere. Ironically, the most boring one was the one that the Habsburgs used for weddings. I checked out the main city square, got some pics and wandered.

The next day, I’d planned to catch the 11am tour and arrived late because of my damn bike time. So, since I was in the city, just a bit later, I wandered til the 2:30pm tour. I started with a large food market (called the Belly of Vienna) and wandered up to a palace called Belvedere. There, I learned that I had a Great Thing. It was my youth card where it lists my birthday as 4/10/1998 and, at the palace when I went to get tickets to the art museums inside, they said I was free since I was 18 (I’m 19 btw). I looked it up and in Austria, the day comes first so to everyone, with my youth card, my birthday wasn’t until October 10th. I used this trick (and continue to use it) everywhere, cashing in on discounts and free admission. I was, and still am, ecstatic. I’m a Jew, what can I say? So I wandered the art museums (I was mostly there to see the inside of the palace) and saw the largest collection of Gustav Klimt pieces, including the Kiss, so that was nice. Then I went to a fashion museum in the city centre, inside a Prince’s old apartment, but it had a lot of modern fashion, which is nice but also not what i wanted. After that, I finally did the tour, where I learned about a horrifying monument in the city centre (in WWII, a house used to be there and during bombing, a ton of people went into the bomb shelter but then the house collapsed and their bodies are still down there) and I learned about the Habsburgs various buildings and monuments in the city centre. I had a Good Time and felt accomplished afterwards.

After that number, I went BACK into the downtown (I was biking BEAST. I even went uphill sometimes, which I hated) and went to a museum (because free entry, baby!), and saw the Habsburg’s library which was just stunning (and this time, you could walk around whereas in Prague you could only look in through the door) and then I visited the palace gardens (there’s the Volksgarden- Folks aka regular people’s garden and then the royal garden). Then I went to Maria Thresia square where I was reminded of how much I don’t connect with Youths. Maria Thresia was an 18th century Queen who pretty much built the country by doing what the Habsburgs were famous for, arranging politically charged marriages. She was Marie Antoinette’s mother AKA the French Queen who was beheaded during the French Revolution (I’m fascinated by Marie Antoinette but that’s another story). So in this square that Maria Thresia had fashioned, some sort of Youth music scene was going on where there was a large speaker set and a bunch of youths sitting and drinking in these stunning gardens while listening to garbage music that sounded like a computer with a virus. I quickly got my photos and walked to the other gardens to read (like an Intellect) but I could hear them from about a 5 minute walk away! I was so mad that they were disgracing that historically important area but then I was like, maybe this is our era putting the garden to in a culturally symbolic way? I don’t know, I was just mad that I had to sit next to a fountain to drown out the noise. The reason I was hanging around reading, was because I was waiting for the Vienna Fest concert to start. It started at 9:20pm and I wasn’t super interested in it but, since a cool event was going on while I was there, I figured I should check it out. It was held at the town hall- a stunning building- and was pretty crowded. I listen to one song by, I learned later, a famous Austrian singer whose name I forget (not that any of you would care lol).

ThE NExt day (btw I keep having to look at my photos to remind me because it’s already all jumbled), I took a day trip to Melk. I had to wake up early (wahh) to catch the train. It said it was gonna rain that day, and it did it but only in the morning for a bit and, being the Smart Traveler that I am, I brought an extra pair of socks. So I took a train to Melk, a couple hours outside of Vienna. I was there to see the Abbey. I arrived at 10:30am, just in time for the 10:55am English tour. Honestly, the tour was pretty lame (as was the set up) because they’d taken all the beautiful rooms and made them modern showcases of history. Like they made the first room all white and with neon green light to represent nature or some shite. The NICE part of the place was the views from the balcony over the town and the river, and the library, and the church inside. The library was very beautiful (not as nice as the Habsburg one but still quite nice). The church was gorgeous. You weren’t allowed to take photos but I snuck some blurry ones in because I’m a rebel who can’t be tamed. I wandered the gardens a bit and then made my way to the pier where I boarded a cruise for 2 hours. It was a nice cruise- the rain was definitely gone- with castle ruins and villages long the banks. I got off and boarded a train back to Vienna and that was that day. At this point, I was getting a bit of cold. I remember thinking, at the time, it was a 4/10. So I was blowing my nose a bit but felt fine.

The next day, it became an 8/10 so I did almost nothing. I slept in and lounged. I didn’t have much planned so I was content to take a day of Rest. That evening, though, Swan Lake was playing at the Vienna Opera house which is like the main performing art centre. I looked it up and it wasn’t playing again during my trip so, after a few hours of relax, I biked back down. They had $5 standing room tickets which is a sweeeet deal so I had to take my chance. I’m really good at doing things to please my Future Self. Taking my present self out of the equation which really helps me make good decisions. So I popped a cold pill the limping man gave me and got a ticket (don’t worry, it was a pill in packaging). For the first third (it was three hours) I was standing in the very back in the center of the top balcony. There was two rows of standing people in front of me and the group of women directing in front of me where crazy annoying (like they kept sitting in the wheelchair spot and being told to move and then they’d go back) and the guy next to me was breathing so heavy I could hear it. So, I switched to the side, front row. I could see about 2/3 of the stage but that was like same in the center with all the people in front of me. The show was done really beautifully and music was glorious- I actually know the theme pretty well from previous Youtube listens. I honestly couldn’t tell you what it’s about though. My only reference point is Black Swan and all I got is Black Swan, White Swan. And she didn’t collapse at the send like Natalie Portman so what was that about? Anyway, I was mostly there for the experience (and for $5, I had no complaints) so I had a good time and was proud I forced myself to go. I even had to battle myself wanting to leave at the intermissions since I was sick and uncomfortable but staying til the end, I saw the finale which was just amazing. And then the cast came out and gave like 20 bows for about 10 minutes which was hilarious. I kept thinking it was done, and then the Black Swan would come and bow again. Over and over.

After that day, on my last full day in Vienna, I finally saw the palace I was close to. Schonbrunn was it’s name. With my trick Youth Card, I got a Grand Tour ticket, where I saw 50 state rooms. They were just stunning. Again, there was a no photo rule but I got a couple shite ones. The decor is just out of this world. It makes me want to decorate my room like that but that’d be really weird. Once that was over, it started to rain which actually worked out pretty great for me because everyone evacuated the main entrance area and I got some sick photos of the palace without anyone around. The rain slowed, and eventually, stopped, so I explored the gardens for a bit before calling it a day.

The following morning, I took an early bus to Graz. The route was lined with great views of the mountains and surrounding villages but they never look as good in photos through a bus window.

After I arrived and checked into my airbnb, I walked to the centre of the town to see the Sights. I was gonna start with a mausoleum, but they were closing for lunch when I got there, so I walked around the old castle but you could only go up a famous double spiral staircase inside. I went into the gardens to cross to see a church but became hungry so I found a thai restaurant and ate some delish pad thai. Afterwards, I went back to the mausoleum which was nice and creepy, since I was the only one there in the crypt. The ticket included a walk to the top of the building tower so I did it and, as per usual, got very winded from the stairs. I decided now to cross the park to see the church since I’ve literally since dozens at this point. Instead, I walked to the town centre and wandered the shops, before heading up to a famous clock tower. What I didn’t know is that the clock tower is on a cliff that you have to climb. I knew Future Me would be pissed if I didn’t do it so I tackled it like a bitch, taking breaks quite literally every few steps, but I made it and got my damn photos. Once that was complete, i was exhausted so I called it a day.

The next day, I went back out and went back to the city centre to buy a travel adapter because I realized I forgot mine like the schmuck I am. Then I crossed the river that ran through the town to some more shops before taking a tram to a palace outside of the city centre. Let me tell you, this palace was something else. Since it was in Graz and it was a bit out of the way, my tour only had 4 people in it. The guide took us through 24 phenomenally decorated rooms. What I loved about it was, there was no lights on, only the windows open, giving a very authentic feel to the rooms. The rooms had bare furniture in them so we could roam and see the walls and ceilings perfectly. It was a really unique experience to me as it really felt like I was stepping back into untouched history. So many of the museums I visited feel so artificial and set up, this really took me back. I was so happy I did went. The guide also told us about some of the wall paintings which were hilarious- when you really look at them, you realize how crazy and silly some art was. Afterwards, I bought myself an Oreo ice cream and sandwich and inhaled it in the gardens before going back to my airbnb to collect my things and take another bus to Salzburg (where I am and have been for a full day).

PHEW

That’s it.

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