#just absolute not being able to deal with trauma and letting it explode in everyone elses face. whats the point if characters unless they

[cuntstable]

whats the fucking point of having a character deal with pain and trauma and grief in a story if they dont go fucking insane and handle it in the most destructive bad way possible also!!!!! argh!!!!!

#i think thats actually the single line that connects all my favourite characters ever like the ones ive gotten ILL over. #just absolute not being able to deal with trauma and letting it explode in everyone elses face. whats the point if characters unless they #reflect toxic behaviour and desireeeeeeee #just bitter awful women with hysteria always and forever

[mrmustachious]

For Gordon’s birthday, I decided to put together a rec list of a bunch of Gordon fics I love! There are so many more I could rec, so these are just a few of the amazing fics out there. Feel free to add your faves too, whether that be your own ones you’ve written or fics by others you love! I’m sure Gordon would approve of sharing the love 💛

List below the cut because it got loooong

AO3

-Stars in the Sea by Fyoex

The Tracy family thought the hydrofoil accident had been left far behind them. But head trauma is a fickle beast that isn’t quite ready to let go.

-Scenes from Gordon’s Bedside by @gaviiadastra

One-shot exercises, connected by a family grieving, hoping, and trying to make sense of why. Blended Universe

-Gordon & Explosive Device & Storage Unit by @strongerwiththepack

Gordon's in trouble when an underwater storage facility explodes with him still inside.

(Note: I requested this so I am a little biased!)

-Risky Rockpools by @strongerwiththepack

The Tracy family get a reality check when they remember that living on an isolated island in the middle of the South Pacific ocean isn't actually all that safe.

-Being Gordon Tracy by @psychoseal

Gordon’s life story!

-Malfunction by shadowfox8

Gordon is enjoying some time in the ocean when Thunderbird 4 decides to play some tricks, giving our loveable prankster decompression sickness.

-Where the mermaids live by @fallenfurther

Gordon decides to cheat on an important test but is caught by the school bullies. They are happy to let him keep the grade as long as he does something for them. Gordon knows he's getting in deeper than he should, but the consequences go far beyond what he expected.

-The Most Dangerous Game by @godsliltippy

Scott and Gordon find themselves unwilling participants.

-Motionless by @godsliltippy

One can never expect a rescue mission to go smoothly when Langstrom Fischler is involved. Gordon knows this and yet, that information does him no good when lives are at stake and it's his job to get everyone out safely.

-Every time it snows by allandmore

A simple mountain rescue goes wrong for International Rescue. Gordon battles the elements and his memories, and Scott has a tough decision to make.

-An Aquanaut Walks Into a Bar... by Corby

Gordon has a conversation in a bar, and Virgil has strong opinions about that. Childhood memories, and the stories we tell ourselves and others.

-Picnic by ThatGirlSix

Every Tracy has a type of job they hate, be them car crashes, hotel fires, mine collapses, whatever. Gordon absolutely hates tornadoes with a passion. No, really, he hates tornadoes. His life would be so much better if they never did another tornado job ever again. The rest of the family is starting to think so, too.

-Consequences by @tracybirds

Gordon is in a bit of a bind, and the older bros will need to help him out of it in a big way.

-Tears Of The Ocean by @janetm74

The ocean is a harsh mistress and Gordon has been burned by her. Will Scott be able to help him get through this? A pre-iR, military bro's fic.

FF

-No Accidents by Glazier Blue

Gordon thought the Hydrofoil crash was behind him. But there was a lot more to his "accident" than his family realised. It looks like the past with WASP has come back to finish what it started. Now Gordon's life hangs in the balance. Can his family stop history from repeating it self?

-Conformity by Figure in black

It was nothing...just a small boy grasping onto his understanding of language. He would soon grow out of it...

-My Brother’s Pain by FABThunderbird

Virgil and Gordon are both exhausted after a dangerous rescue. On their way home Virgil notices that Gordon is not only dealing with an injury, but he sees his brother struggling to open up about what he had witnessed during this rescue.

-Look Before You Reach by nhsweetcherry

Gordon experiences trouble on a rescue - all because he dropped his watch!

-A Tangled Web by crystalquirt

Something has caused heat and trace amounts of radiation in the deep sea. Thinking it volcanic, Gordon takes Thunderbird Four to be sure after John detected an unusual amount of dead sea life in the area. The water around the phenomenon has turned brownish yellow, all the way up to the surface. One species still thrive there.

My Fics!

Well I couldn’t make this without dropping some of my faves that I’ve written!

-Birthday Surprise

It's Gordon's birthday and the first one since his dad came home. He deserves a great day, doesn't he? Maybe not.

(Note: It’s his birthday, I had to include this one!)

-Into the Spider’s Nest

When Gordon comes across something he was never meant to see, he ends up tangled in a potentially deadly web made up of his worst nightmares. His chances of getting out dwindle with each passing day, but when he finds someone just as stuck as he is, they may end up becoming each other’s lifeline, as well as their only chance to make it home.

-Not Ever

Gordon has a confession to make, and Penelope feels like the worst girlfriend ever.

-Just Keep Swimming

A nice, relaxing day on Tracy Island leads to Gordon discovering something that shouldn't exist.

-Breathless

The one scene that was missing from the finale, plus all the scenes that led up to that moment.

-these drugs, they separate me from my mind

Gordon has big dreams. He is going to make it far, and knows he has what it takes to get there. Until one day he is offered an easier, faster way to get to where he wants to be. The only problem is it goes against everything he believes, but maybe he should take the opportunity whilst he has it?

-Sleep Under the Fish

One day, a strange boy appeared on Penelope's beach. And then he disappeared. Little did she know about the world that lived beneath the sea, and what that one encounter would open her up to. A Thunderbirds/Luca AU

To-read Recs

So I have yet to read any of these, but they are just a few of the fics I have marked for later that seem interesting! And I thought it would be fun to rec them in case others find them interesting too (yes I am behind on a lot of fics!)

-Live and learn by Scherzandro

Scott and his brother have been at odds since Gordon joined International Rescue a couple of months back, but when the pair are stranded in hostile territory they might just learn a thing or two about each other, if they live long enough...

-One Word by alchemistsarego

If Gordon Tracey was asked to describe his current situation in a single word, that word would be ‘uncomfortable’. Now of course being trapped in a volcanic cave with only his radio as a source of light while covered not only in his own sweat but his blood also, the word didn’t quite do what he was experiencing justice. In fact, there were many other words that would describe it better. Claustrophobic. Terrified. In agony, perhaps.

-Tracy Seaside Orchard and Farm by @gaviiadastra

An alternate universe. Gordon has a successful farm... and seems to have nothing to do with this International Rescue thing.

-The Heart of Te Fiti by Eraman

So this is gonna be a major AU which will mostly follow the plot of Moana/Vaiana with many changes. Gordon hears the sea calling him, but with his three older brothers missing and his father forbidding him from going near the ocean what is Gordon to do? He knows there is something he and Alan has to do, something only they can do but how can they when they are not allowed to leave?

-Terrors in Space by @godsliltippy

Just a routine space rescue. Sure. "Routine"

There’s soo so many more fics I could add here, but I need to stop at some point lol. But like I said, if anyone else has any more recs, they can drop them below. I’m sure there’s many fics even I haven’t read yet! Anyways, I hope at least someone found something here they like, and if you did, be sure to drop a comment on whatever you read 💛💛

#thunderbirds #thunderbirds are go #thunderfam #gordon tracy #fic recs #thunderbirds fanfiction

[damn-stark]

AGHHHHH AND WE ARE BACKKKK

It’s the way I’ve been waiting for this for a year and it still doesn’t even feel real to me lmaooooo.

I ABSOLUTELY LOVED THIS CHAPTER. The different explorations of emotions with Cherry’s traumas and grief, all still fresh, and continuously to being piled on is heart wrenching but you describe it so well.

Seeing Eren and Cherry literally verbalize their sibling ship to each other, and it being some of their last words hurt like no other. ON TOP OF HER LITERALLY HAVING TO FACE EVERYONE IN PRESENT TIMEAS IF NOTHING HAPPENED. Her image of Eren being restored, while everyone though it’s not with joy, aren’t in the best spot with him. And she knows now that what he’s doing isn’t something he takes pride in, let alone want to do at all.

Yet she can’t tell anyone, having to walk past her cousin who’s grieving the thought of having to get rid of him. When she knows Mikasa of all people is struggling the most with this situation of dealing with Eren. Our poor Cherry girl in a way has to bare this cross until the time comes, which is a lot of pressure, and that’s not including her trauma, her grieving, her thoughts of her future etc.

And I don’t even want to touch upon Hange, that wound is too fresh😭😭😭 having to read this after watching it was like ripping a scab and then putting salt and alcohol on it.

The Reiner moment was a moment. He knows she holds that bitterness against him, but he was so quick to grab onto Cherry. No hesitations. Though their relationship will be far from the same, it definitely adds to the fact that he so clearly still cares deeply for her, even if she doesn’t reciprocate even 1% of that. Which is kind of sweet.

THE LIL HUNGER GAME REFERENCE WITH LEVI AND CHERRY I WANTED TK EXPLODE. It was so perfect. But I also can’t imagine how difficult it must be for him to see on his own, not just from the words of everyone else, how bad Cherry’s trauma and PTSD is. And him knowing better than anyone else that there isn’t anything you can do about it, other than let it pass, and live with it as it slowly stops creeping up on you every waking moment.

Which must only make it harder considering it’s Cherry, surely him experiencing it on his own, he knows he has to storm it on his own. But to not be able to take away that consistent drop in your gut, the fear, away from her? I can’t even imagine how frustrating that must’ve been and will be.

That’s not even including his comfort towards Cherry talking about her uncertainty about really truly wanting a future with Jean. And how he didn’t judge her for it for a second😭🫶🏽🫶🏽. Love that man from infinity to infinity.

And JEANNNN. Oh how I’ve missed him and his fine assss😔 He even without knowing it really knows how to do right by Cherry. Just by being himself, without trying, he knows and does what she needs in the moment. Boyfriend of the year I’m afraid🥱

But that leads me to question, when Cherry was talking of he uncertainty with seeing Jean in her future. Which I’m sure you’ll elaborate in the next chapter.

Would you say that, that purely comes from the trauma she’s working through? And maybe even fear that if she really pictures a future with him, and loses him, she will be let down. And is saying she isn’t certain to avoid the heartache and disappointment? Because she’s well aware that they aren’t invincible and anything can happen, even if she were to do her best protecting him.

Or is it because after what she faced in Marley, she just is genuinely not sure if it is what she wants anymore?

I’m sorry for how long this is, but ITS BEEN A YEAR SO I JUST HAD TO. Thank you again author, I’m glad to be back. And can’t wait for more. Take care!!<33

IM SO HAPPY TO BE SEEING YOU AGAIN!!! THIS MAKES ME SO HAPPY!!! IVE MISSED READING THESE!!

Eren really is like i know you’re dealing with shit but here’s something more to pile on you!!

And the Reiner moment ☺️👉🏼👈🏼 I’m glad you liked that part

The jean part and her not knowing comes from fear of losing what she holds so dear, that peace she might find AND also Marley really changed her, part of her died there in Marley.

AND ONCE AGAIN THANK YOU!!! ILY ❤️❤️❤️

#cherry #damn-stark #aot #attack on Titan fanfiction

[swamplatibule]

🙉 Hollister, 🌋 23, 💥 Iara, 🖍️ Maggie , 🕷️ Alastor , 💧 Wilson, ☄️ Rosalind. Content for some of the classic favs as well as information about some of the ones I'm less familiar with, that was my goal here. <:

WOOO HELL YEAH :DDD HELLO FRIEND

🙉 HEAR-NO-EVIL - what is the worse thing your oc could hear from someone?

The best answer here is the most obvious one - hearing someone say she isn’t good enough. She’s been told that her whole life, and it never really stops stinging. She acts like it doesn’t bother her, or like she’s above it, but every time she hears it just cuts a little deeper, and her need to always impress people has a heavy affect on the way she acts, whether she knows it or not. Everything has to be a competition so she can win it and prove herself and maybe then someone will decide she’s worth caring about. Even when people do care about her, unconditionally, she’s still running that little imaginary countdown in the back of her mind until they get fed up and abandon her. My traumatized little scrunkly <3

🌋 VOLCANO - how bad is their temper? is it a slow boil, or a instant explosion?

23 is very easily angered, but she’s been trained not to let that show, so when things do irritate her, she’s forced to just bottle it up and smile her little Cheshire-cat smile through it. With the way it builds up, though, there’s always bound to be a point where it explodes, and when it does, she is an absolute nightmare to be around. 23 gets very violent when she’s angry, and while she usually winds up taking it out on some punching bag in the gym, that doesn’t do much to satisfy the bloodlust. It’s part of the reason why she loves being on the job so much - beating up a person is much more fun than a punching bag. Fun fact! When she’s just frustrated but not too angry, she paces a lot and does this weird little clawing motion with her hands, which if you look closely enough is just her strangling a little imaginary person.

💥 COLLISON - what emotions do they have trouble dealing with?

Adams is usually very good at dealing with their emotions, but there’s one that always gets the best of them no matter how hard they try. Guilt. And they have a lot they feel guilty for, a lot of lives they weren’t able to save. Adams feels personally responsible for the safety of every one of their agents and everyone they’re supposed to protect. Every life lost feels like a failure on their own part, even if they had nothing to do with them. They can push down almost any other emotion to wait for later, but every time guilt hits, it always gets to them.

🖍️ CRAYON - what advice would you give to them?

Honestly, I almost wish she would give me some advice, but that’s irrelevant. Uhhhh. I think the best advice I could give her is that her self-sacrificial tendencies hurt the people around her more than help them. She faked her own death to keep Wilson safe, which affected him for the rest of his life. Plus, he got those tendencies from her, and we’ve seen how well that went. Her constant need to take the bullet for someone else more often than not winds up causing more pain than the original situation would have, and it screams “trauma” that her first instinct in a life-or-death scenario is to throw herself in front of someone rather than just. yknow. Using her shield, maybe??

🕷️ SPIDER - what is their biggest fear? do they have any irrational / mundane fears?

HOHOHO my guy. Alastor’s worst fear is simply being forgotten. Everything he does is an attempt to make a mark on the world - he just doesn’t care whether than mark is good or bad. He cannot fathom the idea of his own existence being entirely unimportant in the grand scheme of things, and all his scheming shit and assholery can really be chalked up to him trying to claw his way into some kind of significance before he dies. A high-ranking member of the IBW, maybe someday it’s leader. One of the Society’s greatest enemies. The man who created his own human superweapon from nothing. He thinks he deserves to be remembered long after his death, and he has no problem being remembered for all the awful things he’s done, so long as he makes an impact. Spoiler alert: he doesn’t get that :)

💧 DROPLET - random angst headcanon

Wilson has awful night terrors. Horrifying. They’re mostly relived memories from his childhood or nightmares about losing people, but either way, they cause him an insane amount of stress, but he plays it off like it’s not a big deal. Like. Buddy don’t try to be slick with me I know you’ve been avoiding going to sleep for days on end we can all see the bags under your eyes. Lying next to Fox helps most nights after they move in together, letting Wilson focus on that warmth rather than his intrusive thoughts and memories, and Fox is always there to comfort him on the occasions that the nightmares come back, but you know those few weeks where everyone thought Fox was dead? Haha! Those were not fun.

☄️ COMET - what do people assume about them? are they right?

It’s Rosie time baybeeee~ When out in public, Rosalind likes to fake the whole “dumb blonde” thing. Then, people severely underestimate her, making it much easier to manipulate them, and by the time they figure out what she’s doing she’s already got a gun pointed at their head. She doesn’t get to do this much anymore - she was one of the DoA’s assassins before she took over as it’s leader, and she doesn’t get the chance to interact with outsiders too much - which is a shame, since she always found it very funny when people figured her out. She does still pull that trick every time she meets someone from outside, though. She’s probably the smartest person in the whole paracosm, and she knows it.

Ask game

#para: wilson #para: hollister #para: adams #para: alastor #para: agent 23 #para: mags #paracosm: the starwritten society #I am hugging you very aggressively right now sugar #I love talking about these guys #if you can’t tell I really like Rosalie actually #she’s the fun of Alastor but a girlboss and also not based on someone who manipulated me #ty for the ask <3 #para: rosalind

[nancydfan]

I think that Mia gets too bad of a rap from a lot of people.

Like yes, was she an agent of a super shady organization responsible for making a bio weapon that destroyed a great deal of lives? Yes. However we don’t know her motivation for joining them yet.

They could have lied honestly. Like The Connections could have advertised themselves to be a great, loving work environment and maybe Mia was young and naive and joined them. Or maybe she was desperate for money, and it was the only job that would hire her. Or hell, maybe she fully knew what they were and joined anyway, either on account of her morals being twisted back then or thinking that even though the company was evil maybe she could do good. Who knows, honestly.

Either way, with The Connections being a shady organization there’s like a very high chance that you don’t get to walk away from them alive. I’m sure if you quit they’d see you as a liability and take you out with no mercy. And that’s why I think Mia didn’t leave, because she knew she would be killed if she did, and maybe that’s why she took the job with Eveline, because it was more of a “you will do this or else” than an option for her (whether it was implied by her boss or if they were upfront about what bad things would happen if she didn’t take the job).

And maybe if her morals were twisted before I fully think meeting and falling in love with Ethan changed her if that was the case, because the Mia we see in RE7 and RE8 is a good person. We see that in how when the Baker’s rescue her she thanks them but tries to leave immediately and tries to warn them about staying away from Eveline (as shown in the note she left in the dlc “Daughters”). She could have tried to get them to call the hospital or her company but she didn’t, because she knew that she was under Eveline’s control and the longer she stayed there the more danger the family was. If she was a shitty person she wouldn’t have done this, she would have done everything she could to save herself.

We also see that in how she leaves a final video note for Ethan, telling him to stay away no matter what, because she didn’t want him to get dragged down in her mess. She knows how much Ethan loves her and I’m sure she knows if she sent a video saying “Ethan pls help” he’d come running for her, but she didn’t because she loves him and wants him to live even if she can’t be there with him. We see it AGAIN when she saves Ethan from Eveline’s grasp, when she tears him from the mold thing he was in and pushes him out so Eveline couldn’t hurt him. Fully knowing she’d have to face Eveline’s wrath.

And for everyone saying “why didn’t she just tell him then” I mean think about it. I think if this super shady organization found out someone they didn’t hire knew what was going on they’d kill them because again they’d be a liability and a threat. And that’s why she doesn’t tell Ethan because she doesn’t want him to be targeted and killed by them. I think if she had the opportunity she would have left The Connections but knows that it would result in her death anyway, and telling Ethan the truth would just end in his death if they found out and it was too risky in her mind.

And I think it’s this same form of protection that prevents her from telling Ethan he’s infected. She says (or at least we can assume that this was her) in Donna’s section that she didn’t tell him because she was afraid she’d lose him. I don’t think he’d divorce her if he found out he was molded (that doesn’t really make sense for his character), I think she was genuinely afraid he’d die (again) or worse begin to transform into a monster the way the rest of the infected did. And that’s why she keeps it hidden because she was scared to death he’d die or suffer a worse fate. Am I saying she was right in hiding it? No, but I think that everyone saying she’s manipulative and gaslighting are wrong because she truly loves Ethan and Rose, and I know she’d give her life gladly if it meant they could live.

I saw other people get mad because Rose is essentially being used as a bio weapon and how could Mia let this happen and I’m like?? She probably doesn’t have a say?? I mean yes Blue Umbrella is supposed to be “the good guys” now but like they’re still a huge organization, I’m sure Mia did her best to prevent this from happening and keep Rose safe but like at the end of the day what can she really do against a huge company?? If anything get mad at Chris because I’m sure he’s got some clout or something in that company that could have allowed Rose to live a normal life without Umbrella or maybe not being used as a weapon but idk 🤷🏻‍♀️ a lot of people were like “Mia’s sO annoying at the beginning of the game” but fam that wasn’t even her?? That’s Miranda?? Besides even if it was Mia that blew up on Ethan in the hospital (as per Ethan’s diary) 1.) people deal with trauma differently, and I’m not saying it’s healthy but she’s scarred and doing her best and 2.) probably was afraid if they talked too much about Louisiana Ethan would realize he was infected and then BAM he’s either dead or a mutated monster. And in the cutscene of Mia saying “you matter!” Can you imagine the stress of knowing your husband is Mr Mold Man and not being able to do anything about it, out of fear of what could happen to him? Like of course she’s upset and going to blow when provoked (not that Ethan was aggressive or anything just that he was prying into a very high pressure soda that is Mia’s emotions lol) because she’s been bottling this up and has no one to talk to, and after a while anyone would explode. I think she would have told him if he hadn’t answered that call. Also marriage is not rainbows and butterflies, sometimes you get into messy fights with your partner and sometimes you or the other person say things you don’t mean but at the end of the day you love each other and try to be better. If anything Capcom was depicting a normal marriage tbh.

At the end of the day Mia is not the bad guy. She is only human who tried her best to keep her family safe against all the odds and idc what anyone says, Ethan and Mia love each other and have a healthy relationship and that’s that.

I hope I do this ask justice cause this is the kinda ask I’ve been like hoping for cause you are absolutely gosh damn right.

I’m a chill person & I’m never gonna probably get up into someone’s face about anything cause it’s fandom. I’m not here to cater your experience. That being said, when I see some of these frankly bad takes on Mia I’m like

We know Jack shit about why Mia joined the Connections. Literally nothing so people who have a whole solidified nasty opinion of Mia should probably just sit down. You don’t have to like her. But you also could like, idk, be absolutely dead wrong cause lol Capcom went, yeah we’re not gonna explain any of that.

I got the impression that in between re7 and re8 that they are hiding from the connections too but I may have misunderstood that In re8. I think it makes sense it’s the type of organization you do not leave. No matter how badly you want to and once Ethan came along, do people really think she’d risk him? Spoiler alert: no, no she wouldn’t.

Also, re7 started w Alan. He’s the one that let eveline get out of control so...I feel like people forget that.

I’ve been talking to a friend about people using the Miranda Mia against the real Mia and I don’t know how to kindly tell people that the game kinda absolutely explained that’s not Mia? I do think Mias got a temper which makes sense because Ethan is so even tempered that he can balance her out better. But Miranda Mia was a fuckin bitch. She was needling Ethan’s pain and mocking him. Do people think Ethan sat around for three years taking that? Ethan’s a big boy. He can take care of himself. He was even fighting back w Miranda Mia so manipulative and abusive takes belong in the toilet w the rest of the shit.

Mia blowing up at Ethan means nothing. My parents have proven to me marriage is not easy. You will lose it on people when emotions run high. It happens. There’s a world of difference between a moment of anger versus abuse. But you still love and forgive people for moments of anger because we all have them. And I’m sure Ethan can be just as much as a pain in the ass. I love him more than most and I’d be the first person to admit I’m sure he didn’t make it easy all the time either.

Mia held the truth from Ethan because she was scared not just for her but for him too. It’s a selfless kind of lie. We all do them so I don’t know why Mia is getting burned at the stake for it. I’m just not movable on this. That was a heavy thing to carry and she was doing her best.

As for Rose, I don’t even know what Capcom is doing. How can anyone else know? She’s special and powerful. Maybe she wanted that life? I think we can reserve judgement until re9.

Like I said above, no one has to like Mia. Maybe you don’t vibe w her or maybe you still just don’t care for her. That’s cool. But my gosh don’t lie about the kind of person she is. If you can’t acknowledge her world and heart belongs to Ethan and Rose, I’m just not sure what to tell you.

Sorry for ranting on your ask nonnie 😆 I really appreciate that you sent this in! It needed said imo

#thanks for the ask nonnie!! #resident evil #ethan winters #mia winters #mithan #resident evil spoilers #resident evil 7 #resident evil 8 #mrs joe speaks #long post

[dreamsmp-au-ideas]

Tommy’s a Creeper-hybrid au

My idea was basically Tommy had a creeper ancestor whey back in his lineage. And he’s showed no signs of hybridization accept maybe being able to survive explosions better and deal with sulfur burns and what not. But stuff that can be swept under the table as luck or just good tolerance and everyone’s got something in there blood line so it’s not really a surprise if he has something in his ancestry.

But no one realizes what the particular breed of hybrid is until Exile. Tommy was put under a high amount of stress for a prolonged period of time to the point those old genes reactivated to save him or at least help him from that situation. ( this is actually a thing that happens in nature not only to humans but also pigs will revert into wild boars if left in the wilderness for too long. And seeing as creepers are like absolutely fucked up by magic pigs who knows?)

Now we can go two ways with this either Tommy realizes what type of hybrid he’s turning into, freaks out and goes to Sam for help. Where he gets the help he needs from Sam early on, and there’s a lot of bonding about Creeper hybrid stuff. But now Sam has to juggle hiding an extremely traumatized Creeper who’s basically always on the edge of exploding. And building the jail for Dream, which he is now very very much regretting. And canon goes absolutely off the rails.

Or he goes to Technoblades house and instead of Techno finding a raccoon beneath the floor boards he finds a very sick Tommy who’s slowly changing into a Creeper-hybrid. A creeper hybrid who now has the ability to explode ( and survive.) on command and major amounts of trauma and while Techno is also a fellow mob hybrid, his way of dealing with anger and fear is either to suppress it or just let it all out. Which is the exact opposite of what Tommy needs and sense Techno wants the angry Tommy he encourages Tommy’s spite.

And canon basically goes the same way accept Tommy has a ton more unhealthy coping mechanisms learned from Techno; and everyone’s super fearful of him because of the fact he could explode and kill everyone if he gets to riled up. And Sam see’s Tommy deal with all this prejudice from his new hybrid nature; and is fucking pissed because he’s a Creeper hybrid as well, and everyone’s treating Tommy like he’s both glass and ticking time bomb, and No! It’s not different Sams just as dangerous but they treat him just fine and Sam just sweeps Tommy under his wing and starts teaching him how to be a Creeper hybrid. —🌋

Okay I love this. I love Creeper-hybrid Tommy and this means we can get Awesamdad in here! Yay!

Tommy slowly turning into a creeper-hybrid and freaking out hurts. Especially during exile. Oh dear.

First one is great because we get Awesamdad and recovery arc early and we get some good fluff in here!

Second one is great because we get the angst here and we get Sam being rightfully angry at everyone and then just teaches Tommy how to be a Creeper Hybrid and goes and helps him through good coping mechanisms.

#mcyt #dream smp #dream smp au #creeper-hybrid tommyinnit #tommyinnit #awesamdude #technoblade #ask #volcano anon

[yoitscro]

I still haven’t watched the video...BUT.

While I’m still of the belief that Sarah Z probably shouldn’t have posted some “rise and fall” video on Homestuck --which uses the traction of 4/13, a positive day for a fandom that likes to eat itself, to give attention some to criticisms involving speculative allegations-- , I’ve seen more anger from people that I frankly don’t trust being upset about it being a “hit” video to tear down WP, and jumping the gun to the point of threatening legal action, versus actually seeing casual watchers talking about the discourse; more so about nostalgia and “ah, homestuck exists still”.

I assume the paranoid jump on the video is because of casual watcher’s potential reactions? But there’s, also, more reactions toward the team’s response versus what the team + team friends were presumably worried about...so like. I guess the fire being fueled is ironically only being fueled because it’s being blown out of proportion, and thereby brought to peoples attention through *that*.

Sarah’s video is not 100% right. There are false facts from what I’ve seen briefly of. I personally don’t think that a person who’s read Homestuck but has only existed in the fandom space primarily during certain years has the same, fair perspective as a current homestuck that’s been aware of the environment going on, especially on Homestuck Twitter. Instead of things being made in 10 days, apparently, and there not being any effort to reach out to anyone on the team before presenting information, I would’ve just, you know, not done that. At least give it a shot, you literally lose nothing but avoid many things later.

The team has also faced blatant threats and harassment, which isn’t the same as other queer or poc people criticizing how homestuck handles content in their own space, but it exists. There’s certainly a reasonable, human reaction that I get, which come from the anxiety of being put on the spot by a something-thousand subscribed youtuber while you’re trying to figure things out in the background as things have been quiet, right after the turbulent year of 2020. I’ve actually been really frustrated that people haven’t considered that and that these reactions are coming out of nowhere. There is a trauma to consider since this is not the white guy taking the brute of stuff despite people using Hussie’s name as a synonym for the team.

There’s also the fact that Gio was apparently not asked to be used in the video beforehand? At least that’s what I’ve heard, which if true was an oversight, given how one may want to ask “hey, i’m making a video on your articles which could absolutely put you in the center of this since I’m using your online identity; let me get your permission at least.”

That said, based on audience reaction, and how it’s been the opposite of what a handful of people associated with officialized content expected, which is the reason things are being targeted right now, I feel like this is an...overreaction. 

Again, I haven’t watched the video. But the video existing with the whispered points it’s brought up is the reason that things exploded yesterday. I’ve seen more dislikes of Sarah’s video from a loud minority who, 1. are people who refuse to ever criticize the issues with Homestuck for actual years, and 2. people who have watched 20 minutes of it and heard what they wanted to hear, versus seeing the criticism acknowledged by everyone else, outside of an acknowledged comment before moving on. The reaction is what’s giving it the most attention, actually.

Apparently in the video she mentions how she’s not trying to enable any harassment, states that somethings presented are just speculation, and doesn’t namedrop anyone specific?

That seems like a cliche way to act like someone can’t ever respond to stuff like this, but that’s usually saved for smaller followed beef on tumblr or twitter. Not a company or it’s contracted IP.

I’ve seen the people say it wasn’t that bad and have honed in on WP + acquaintance reactions versus what was said in the video. It was just something that was posted on a day where so much other 4/13 stuff was going on, which could’ve been given attention instead of one person’s video, which was apparently 2 hours long, and was already being venomously hated before one would’ve been able to watch it in full? (The idea of the anger coming from those who haven’t watched the video is...not surprising. There have been people put on blast for HS opinions for just a sentence.)

The kickstarter update’s response could’ve been posted itself, versus all the stuff prior and after it (the supposed legal action), but I honestly think that it shouldn’t have taken a breadtuber’s threat on Homestuck’s reputation for fans who ACTUALLY engage with it to have communication with what’s been going on, which we’ve been asking for for years. There’s a trust that needs to be rebuilt on both sides, be it from entitlement, elitism, or bullying, and this did not help.

I don’t like that Hussie only speaks up when a boiling point is reached, and people who work on his team are beyond gone or dealing with the fallout with how he’s neglected his IP and the fans that’ve somehow stayed to support it; crowd control and community management is important, and every other indie creator or small team on the internet who thinks ahead has been getting this. And I honestly hope that anyone who is legit having a terrible time producing HS content considers whether or not they should continue to stick around, for their own mental health.

If by a week from now we’re talking about the reaction of the video and the video itself is potentially long out of people’s mind well. That’s the point of this rant.

and on the other side, quoting a friend:

Sarah z's video didn't need to be released on a day of celebration for a healing fanbase and that video regressed that and caused the official team to have fucking public panic attacks.

Not a great 4/13, tbh.

#homestuck #sarah z #yeah so this is less about the video content and more about the reaction thats blown up more than the video. #ive always wanted wp to strive and do better...this aint it. #the glass canon has caused more issue than it set out to fix #and i get the emotional reaction but...come on. #also some of the reactions are just disingenuous; shes wrong about some trans opinions but dont erase that her trans editor wrote jade takes #not her

[jaeheewillalwaysbemyfav]

Obey Me: The Brothers Accidentally Trigger an Abused MC: Satan (4/7)

Disclaimer: I’m not an expert on abuse or mental health. I’m not portraying how one should respond to these situations, only how I think the characters might. Abuse and trauma in particular are very complex topics, and people respond in all sorts of ways to them, and sometimes it gets really bad on all sides.

I can only draw from my personal experiences as well as those of people who have shared their stories or who I’m close with. There’s no one narrative of abuse and how it affects someone, so what I’m familiar with might not be what you’re familiar with. Let’s try and all be respectful of each other.

Content Warnings: Heated arguments, reference to past abuse, parental abuse, trauma response, breaking down in tears, this is quintessential hurt/comfort y’all, buckle up

It’s Satan’s turn! The fun thing about Satan is he’s super in control of himself until he absolutely isn’t, and then it’s terrible for everyone involved.

Lucifer (X), Mammon (X), Leviathan (X), Satan (you are here), Asmodeus (X), Beelzebub (X), Belphegor (X)

That one there is Satan, the fourth eldest of us. At first glance, he may seem like a responsible demon with a good head on his shoulders, but looks can be deceiving. [...] He may flash you a pretty smile like that, but you had better be careful because it is all an act.

MC had been warned about the Avatar of Wrath the day they arrived in the Devildom. While his brothers wear their sins on their sleeves, Satan keeps his almost entirely under wraps. His anger comes out like steam from the edges of the lid covering a boiling pot, hissing quiet but heated remarks, only exploding into something more dangerous if disturbed. 

But as they spent more time with him, MC found it harder and harder to associate Lucifer’s warning with the demon in front of them. Yes, Satan could be prickly if provoked, and he certainly has a fair share of issues to work through, but he wears soft sweaters, and reads trashy romance novels he hides under the jackets of more sophisticated looking nonfiction titles, and would turn the House of Lamentation into a cat shelter if left unsupervised. And so that warning became as serious to them as Mammon’s pitiful mugging attempt when they first met all those months ago. 

An easy mistake.

As it’s so unusual for Satan to express his anger in an obvious manner, MC is very concerned when they see him storm off to his room surrounded by the flaming aura of barely-contained magic. They chase after him without thinking, wanting to comfort their friend. 

Satan’s room contains more than a room of its apparent size should. A small tower bedroom should not be able to hold the sprawling library it does, but the looming bookshelves stretch far into the darkness nonetheless. Despite this, the books still spill out from the shelves and form piles all over the room and even circle overhead in lazy loops. Though today, their master’s wrath propels them faster and faster, moving more erratically and occasionally crashing into furniture when they fall too low.

MC forgets to knock.

Satan’s head whips around, eyes blazing. 

The books move before he registers who’s standing in the doorway.

Years of practice throws their body low to the ground to avoid the projectiles, but he has more, he has more and he’s still mad, mad at me mad at me my fault my fault still more still more don’t move don’t move-

Footsteps, a voice, he’s yelling, he’s yelling, yelling at me I did it again no no no-

A hand reaches out to them.

“PLEASE DON’T-!” their scream rips out of their throat and Satan freezes.

MC’s eyes shine with tears, open wide and-

Staring.

At.

Him.

Like a monster.

Satan’s tail wraps around his leg tight enough to draw blood. “Well? What are you going to do, MC? Leave? Run away from the monster?” 

They’re shaking, but can’t move from their position on the floor. “GO ALREADY! Or a couple of measly books will be the least of your problems!” 

They scramble to their feet, barely upright as they half sprint, half tumble down the stairs.

A loud THUD echoes through the House of Lamentation as, for the first time in countless years, all of the books in Satan’s room fall to the floor, lifeless.

Until they burst into flames, and the spire hosting the Avatar of Wrath’s bedroom ignites in the roar of a viridian inferno.

It takes the careful spellwork of Lucifer, aided by a frantic Leviathan, to keep the fires sequestered to Satan’s tower. Even still, seeing the entire structure ablaze like that is terrifying for MC, both because of its unprecedented scale and the knowledge of who is causing it. 

The brothers, minus Satan, congregate outside the House of Lamentation in a semi circle of annoyance. Levi, Asmo, and Mammon quickly get into an argument about whose personal items are more valuable and worth saving in the event of a house-wide fire, while the twins grouse about being pulled away from their very important activities of raiding the fridge and napping, respectively. 

Both Lucifer and MC are not listening to them, for very different reasons. Their gazes are fixed on the burning tower, Lucifer a cool mask of stoicism and MC vacant and nearly unblinking. They stay like this for a long moment, as the bickering of the others settles into a hum of white noise. 

“MC.” They start upon hearing Lucifer’s voice.

“You saw him just before this.” 

A fit of blinking, ending with a sniff and a nod.

“I-I didn’t mean to- He looked so ups-set, I just…” 

“Stop.” They freeze as Lucifer lowers himself to their eye level. He holds out his hand towards their shoulder and then pulls it back, thinking better of it. “I am not blaming you. Satan’s lack of self control is not your fault.

“What concerns me right now is your wellbeing.”

“O-Oh. Well, it was pretty startling, but I wasn’t burned or anyth-”

“What did he say to you that prompted such a strong response?” Silence. “This,” Lucifer gestures broadly to MC, “is not because of the fire. Something happened before, that upset the both of you. What was it?”

“SAAATAAAAAAAAAAN!”

Oh, that’s just who he needs to deal with right now. 

A couple of choice curses flicker through Satan’s mind as he continues to sort through his books, cataloguing which ones were completely destroyed by the fire and which were unscathed or can be salvaged. He pulls out a charred book from a pile of ashes and dusts off the partially melted cover. It’s barely identifiable, but…

One of MC’s recommendations, a murder-mysterty from the human world. 

He drops it like it was still burning.

Lucifer navigates through the scorched shelves and piles of wreckage until he finds his brother, curled in on himself in a crouched position and shaking, surrounded by the remains of the knowledge he holds so dear.

His lecture dies in his throat.

“Satan-” The demon in question cuts him off.

“Get it over with.”

Lucifer says nothing.

“Go ahead!” Satan’s voice wavers as he speaks, unfolding from his pose just enough to challenge his brother. “Let me have it: I’ve tarnished Lord Diavolo’s oh-so-sacred reputation, I’ve ruined the exchange program, I have no self control, I-” He compresses back into himself. “I’ve terrified MC and they never want to speak to me again.”

“No,” Lucifer says. “For one, I think you understand well enough the consequences of your actions this time.” 

When this provokes no response, he continues, “...and MC does want to speak with you.”

The expression on Satan’s face when his head snaps up to make eye contact with Lucifer reminds him of when the Avatar of Wrath was first born, all raw emotion and alert, untrusting eyes. 

The conversation is painful, but very much needed. After hearing MC’s story, Satan is almost glad he just burned through the majority of his energy in that fire, as if he had even an ounce of it, he would dedicate it to tracking down and slaughtering MC’s loathsome parents. But for them, he pushes the feelings aside. For now.

He apologizes (many times) in words, but even after MC repeatedly tells him it’s okay and they understand, he doesn’t quite stop. His apologies manifest in actions instead: soft, concerned glances in MC’s direction when his brothers get into a spat; an outstretched hand and an offer to go on a walk when they’re feeling overwhelmed; book recommendations with recurring themes of overcoming trauma and not necessarily forgiving those who abused you. 

He also adds something new to his room: a little enchanted tablet by the doorway displaying an unusual “weather” report. Thanks to special sensors placed throughout Satan’s room, the tablet can pick up the level of magical activity in the area and display an appropriate warning. Since he knows how volatile he can be when in an especially bad mood, Satan explains that the monitor will say what he can’t. Since it also measures the velocity of the flying books, it doubles as a pretty good warning service for incoming projectiles as well, he adds sheepishly. 

“I know how hard it can be to forgive someone who’s hurt you, even accidentally. I’m so grateful you’ve given me a second chance, MC, and I fully intend on never letting it go to waste.”

Lucifer doesn’t address the final part of Satan’s remark. He doesn’t need to. His silence says enough.

Satan has done it. He’s turned away the only person who ever saw him as a unique person. The worst case scenario, the unthinkable nightmare, realized. 

He’s fine. More than fine. He throws himself into his studies, marks higher than ever. While his smiles have never reached his eyes, they barely appear on his face at all. His mask is a fragile apathy that quickly crumbles into irritation whenever someone notices it. With his mood more volatile than ever, even his brothers distance themselves, unsure of how to approach him. He only shows up during mealtimes, and barely at that. 

Sometimes smoke drifts out from the tower his room is in. No one acknowledges this.

He respects MC’s wishes, gives them space and time aplenty. He can wait. He deserves to wait.

He deserves this.

#obey me #obey me! satan #obey me imagines #obey me: swd #obey me shall we date #mine #my writing #satan

[bestworstcase]

What are your opinions on the whole Rapunzel-Varian drama in S1 post Queen For A Day, especially with the whole "Rapunzel should've checked on Varian after the snowstorm" or whose fault it was for their conflict?

tbh… if i had to pick one single representative example of the tts fandom’s general inability to handle nuance in fictional conflict, it’d be the QFAD discourse™

because! while this isn’t to rag on anyone, if you pick a random person with an opinion on this question, chances are they will fall into one of two camps. either: 1) corona’s treatment of varian was horrifically unjust and everyone involved except him is a terrible person, or 2) rapunzel did what she had to do and varian’s anger is irrational, unfounded, and fundamentally unfair.

people in camp #1 tend to believe that rapunzel was simply being selfish and acting like a sulky child when she failed to check up on varian after the storm. people in camp #2 tend to point out that rapunzel was traumatized by the events of QFAD too, and believe that this justifies her failure to check up on varian.

but the thing is imo the conflict in QFAD + the rest of s1 is just as complex and messy as the argument cassandra and rapunzel have in RATGT, in that there is no One True Right Answer and no person who is one hundred percent “at fault.” the question of blame is… honestly sort of beside the point if you ask me. to break this down:

#1: rapunzel is a sheltered teenager with minimal social skills dealing with a national emergency halfway through her first unsupervised couple days on the job.

the girl has had like eight months tops of training for the monumental task of ruling a country. she grew up in a situation where the only choice available to her was how she would wile away her free time inside her tower; gothel exerted total control over every other facet of her life. and while she has a little more wiggle room now that she’s out of the tower, she is still basically living her life with all the big, consequential choices made for her.

QFAD was intended to be her first taste of true authority, while still being ultimately inconsequential. if all had gone according to plan, corona would have ticked along more or less on autopilot—just as frederic left it—while rapunzel got in a little practice making judgment calls about minor, unimportant things, like mediating small interpersonal disputes between her subjects.

nobody expected, and rapunzel was absolutely not prepared for, a legitimate national crisis to explode in her face out of nowhere. this was supposed to be pedaling by herself for the first time with training wheels and what she got instead is careening down the freeway on a motorbike at 95mph with zero warning. it is a miracle that she held things together as well as she did.

#2: varian is a child with an emotionally distant, unsupportive father who sets him up for failure.

he’s smart but he’s also fourteen. he has little if any formal training in alchemy, he’s figuring stuff out by trial and error, and he has zero adult supervision. his efforts have caused significant levels of destruction twice in only a few months—the exploding boilers in WTH, and his invention going haywire (with a little help from st. croix) in GE—and it’s implied that this is a fairly regular occurrence with him.

and yet quirin does nothing. he shouts at varian, shuts him down, and at several points orders him point blank to stop messing with alchemy… but he makes no effort to connect with his son or understand where he’s coming from; he doesn’t try to impose reasonable restrictions (like “don’t mess with volatile chemicals unless i’m there to help”) that would allow varian to pursue his passion while minimizing the danger; and he doesn’t create an environment where varian feels able to turn to his father for help. and then with the black rocks, he lets varian come along to see the king, but refuses to explain why he “lied” (/spoke in code) to the king, destroying any credibility he had in varian’s eyes and making varian panicky and desperate because it seemed like no one else cared.

so the end result is that varian feels like he has no choice but to sneak around behind quirin’s back. he can’t rely on his dad for help if anything goes wrong, but the situation is so dire that doing nothing also isn’t an option. he tries his best to be careful (before quirin barges in on him, varian is attempting to put just one drop of the amber serum on the rock) but even if quirin hadn’t startled him, a terrible accident was bound to happen sooner or later, and the responsibility for that lays just as much if not more on quirin’s shoulders—the adult in this situation—as on varian’s. the kid is FOURTEEN.

(i think a neat argument could be made for varian as a deconstruction of the teen/YA fantasy trope of the hyper-competent teenager with absentee parents whose absence allows the teen to get on with the important work of the high-stakes fantasy plot; but that’s a whole different post)

#3: rapunzel did the right thing, but lost control over the situation due to lack of experience.

it would have been wrong to abandon everybody in corona to run off into the blizzard with varian, and frankly it wouldn’t have helped quirin anyway. he was already encased in amber by the time varian got back to old corona, and rapunzel couldn’t have done anything in the moment had she been with varian then. the only benefit to her presence would have been to comfort varian—which is not a small thing, obviously, but it’s not in any way a reasonable exchange for the hundreds or thousands of lives that would have been lost if she left corona completely without a leader in the middle of a crisis. so broadly speaking, staying in corona was the right call.

however.

rapunzel was not in control during that scene in the palace. varian bursts in, panicking, explains his situation and begs for her help—and rapunzel just says, basically, “i can’t help you, there’s an emergency.” then nigel comes in and reinforces that, which makes varian freak out; he grabs rapunzel and shakes her, nigel signals for the guards in response, and varian gets dragged out of the palace while rapunzel pleads with the guards not to hurt him.

(sidebar: the hate nigel gets for describing varian as “attacking” rapunzel is unfounded. varian grabs her and shakes her roughly back and forth and that is, in fact, assault. nigel is not wrong to describe it as such.)

anyway, notice two the things that DON’T happen here:

1) rapunzel doesn’t offer up any alternative solutions. a more experienced or better prepared leader could have responded to varian’s plea with a plan of action, like: i need to stay in corona to oversee the evacuation, so we can’t leave right this minute, but cassandra will take you to ask xavier for advice right now and the minute it’s safe to leave we’ll go together to help your father. or whatever—the point is to engage proactively with varian’s problem, make him feel heard, and give him something productive to do so he isn’t just sitting around fretting in the palace or struggling back home by himself in the middle of a blizzard.

2) raps doesn’t challenge nigel’s decision when he summons the guards to throw varian out of the palace, which is something she absolutely could have done. she could have said no, i can’t go to old corona right this minute to help him, but we are not throwing him out into the storm again, he stays here with me. this is, again, a sign of her inexperience; she’s not used to being an authority, she’s never been in a situation like this before, and she’s under a ton of pressure—so when an older adult whom she sees as an authority (he’s her father’s advisor!) makes a judgment call, it probably doesn’t even occur to her that she can challenge it.

this is why i say that rapunzel lost control over the situation—because even though she made the Right Decision, she got a kind of awful outcome, ie varian being tossed out into the blizzard to struggle home by himself to deal with his problem without any support, and rapunzel inadvertently breaking her promise from earlier.

#4: rapunzel doesn’t immediately go to check on varian after the storm because she’s traumatized, busy, and trusts her father.

painter’s block is all about how the trauma rapunzel feels as a direct result of her decisions during the storm destroys her ability to choose anything. she feels so debilitated by the fear that she will make the wrong choice—because she worries that she chose wrong when she allowed varian to be sent away—that she can’t do anything at all, let alone find the emotional strength to go to old corona and confront her mistakes. and while she tries to process and move past this trauma, mrs sugarby exploits it in an attempt to force her to free zhan tiri.

the next episode, not in the mood, involves rapunzel being put under enormous pressure to entertain an irascible ally of corona’s while he and her father negotiate a trade deal with the threat of a war breaking out if they fail. NITM is a silly episode, but it has the highest non-magical stakes of any episode in the entire series. this isn’t an event rapunzel could have reasonably skipped out on for the sake of one person, no matter how much she cares. she’s slammed. she’s still being forced to prioritize just like she was in QFAD.

and in the third episode after QFAD, rapunzel is tormented by nightmares about varian and what happened to his father, so she presses frederic for information about the rocks and varian’s safety. and frederic assures her that everything is fine. he lies to her face about the rocks having been removed, and rapunzel has no reason to doubt him, so she relaxes… until varian contacts her directly, and she immediately jumps to help him.

#5: at the same time, varian has been forced into hiding because frederic is attempting to cover up the rock problem.

what happens to varian after QFAD is plainly unfair and unjust. his father is trapped in amber, the rocks have completely destroyed old corona, most of the villagers have presumably moved to the new land frederic set aside for them, and frederic’s secret police are crawling all over the village trying to suppress information about the rocks (and fred’s role in creating them). the blame for this lies squarely at frederic’s feet, and varian is right to be angry.

i believe that varian interprets rapunzel’s absence as a sign that she’s complicit in what frederic is doing, making his anger at her justified as well. he doesn’t have access to the information we do about why rapunzel doesn’t seek varian out immediately—he doesn’t see how distraught and shattered she is after the storm, or the high-stakes political nonsense she has to deal with, and he certainly doesn’t see her trying to pursue the matter of the rocks and varian’s safety with her father and being flatly lied to to convince her to stay put in corona. all he knows is that rapunzel kicked him out and now she’s ignoring him and her father’s agents keep chasing him away from his home, and he draws the conclusion that makes the most sense to him, ie rapunzel must be okay with all of this because otherwise she would be here.

and once he has that idea in his head, the fact that rapunzel immediately jumps to help him when he contacts her isn’t enough to dislodge it. he’s a scared, lonely fourteen year old boy looking at this situation through a purely interpersonal lens while rapunzel is an overwhelmed eighteen year old doing the best she can while juggling about a million things at once and putting varian low on her priority list because she’s been told by a trusted source that varian is fine.

they both make mistakes, they’re both missing important contextual information, and neither of them handles this situation in the best possible way. but neither of them is “at fault” in the sense of being purely in the wrong, and—imo—frederic and quirin hold the lion’s share of the blame here, because they had all the information, and they refused and refused and refused to deal with the black rock problem until it overwhelmed them both. varian and rapunzel are both just kids scrambling to deal with something that should not be their problem to solve, and both of them fuck up! (and even then—the best fred and quirin could’ve done was just be honest and upfront about what the problem was. neither of them had the means to fix anything, and neither of them was responsible for the very unfortunate timing of the blizzard. so it’s not as clear cut as everything bad in s1 happens because fred and quirin stuck their heads in the sand. a lot of it honestly was just sheer bad luck.)

a n y w a y, i think by s3 and after a lot of introspection, varian has figured a lot of this out, and that’s why he’s so quick to let go of his lingering grudge against rapunzel. he’s realized that at the end of the day, rapunzel was just as unprepared and lost in that situation as he was, that she’s not responsible for (and wasn’t complicit in) her father’s decisions, etc, etc.

#rta #this is a bit of a ramble but yeah #tangled-dreamer-97

[mooglesorts]

man. it's weird, because there's a lot of things about me that are Very Badger Primary, to the point where i would probably pick it with a strong bird model over anything else at this point... except that i hate dehumanization. i saw primaries described recently as 'things you wouldn't be you anymore if you went against,' and more than just about anything else that's it. even when i think people are monsters, i can't see them as not human; i'd be hard put to define exactly what i consider a 'monster,' but it's more about like. good faith than personhood, i suppose?

it's not necessarily a permanent status to be one--people can change--but my deeply held instinct is that once you have done something monstrous you will always be a person who has been a monster by your own choices, and that it's your duty to learn how to accept that while still living your life, and act accordingly from thereon out. you have to reconcile that you are a person with the fact that some doors are closed to you now, and it's up to you to decide what you do from there.

just. like. even when i hate someone and as far as i'm concerned they can go fuck themself, even in the multiple Heavily Badger social environments i've been in over the course of my life--church, progressive circles, the way the structure of the internet kind of just affects you in general--even on occasions where i've gotten swept away and given in to the pressure to dehumanize (or perform it) for a minute, there's always, always been a voice in the back of my head saying this is a person. this is a person. this is a person. this isn't right.

unintentional dehumanization sets off my '...should we really be doing this? we are getting into not good territory here, it's time to pull up and start questioning' alarms. explicit, intentional, purposeful dehumanization sets off the whole ass tornado sirens. if people on my side are doing it it's enough to throw me into a system-destabilizing crisis, because NO NO NO I WANT TO GET OFF THIS RIDE, I WANT NO PART OF THESE PEOPLE'S MORAL SYSTEM, I FEEL UNCLEAN. it's a good way to make sure i will never, ever, ever trust someone again.

things that are Really Really Badger, off the top of my head (after the cut because Long and trauma talk):

[[MORE]]

---

-i've always loved playing adoptable games, pet simulators, etc? any game with randomly generated characters that are Yours Now and a Community, in a deeply badgery way. including games where they can die (the satisfying part is making sure they don't). except that, no matter how much fun the gameplay is, if it gets to the point where they start feeling disposable, and the only way to really keep playing is to stop humanizing them, i lose interest. it's super fucking depressing. it feels like part of me dying inside a little. i don't like it at all.

-i've always been drawn to fandoms and roleplaying communities. i was fiercely loyal to, and proud of, my first rp community on dragoncave as a 13-year-old. when my abusive mom found out about it and completely isolated me for half a year, the promise of being able to make it back to them--just sneakier this time--kept me going; when i finally got back and the group had drifted apart in my absence, it.... was absolutely devastating. i never really recovered from it. even then, i spent years trying to get the group back together every now and then, until i finally gave up.

-i am always keenly, painfully aware of the life cycle of a community. every time i hear the sentiment 'you guys are all great and i love this group' my stomach drops, because i know it's only a matter of time before things go sour or the group dissolves. rp groups, skype chats/discord servers, fandoms, you name it, i am always bracing myself or staying away entirely to avoid the inevitable and it hurts. and it hurts to see people taking part in a community i don't dare be part of, which makes lurking in fandoms... really rough. frankly, it takes me a lot of courage every time i express my appreciation for the shc community because i've been burned so many times.

-on that note: i went through some really traumatic stuff at the end of 2020 that completely turned my life upside down, and i was doing bad until i stumbled across the shc community. the moment i started engaging, it was a huge boost to my mental health, and my ability to cope with circumstances under which i was about to break down spectacularly. and it has been ever since! contributing to The Group Project and seeing other folks being friendly with each other gives me the happy feelings.

-i used to go out of my way to build and run spaces, mainly fandom and rp spaces, and took a lot of pride in engineering them so that they Functioned Well. unfortunately it wore me the hell down over the years for Burnt Badger Reasons, and now i'm too jaded, bitter, and exhausted to give a shit about being a mod/community leader anymore because of it lmao

-among those burnt badger things i relate HARD to the Red Ledger narrative. hoo boy.

-i wish i could find it again, but there was an mlp comic i saw once which went into luna's observations of what each element of harmony Means. with the element of friendship, she says that twilight has a massive amount of love to give; right now it's all focused on celestia, but when she learns to expand it outward she'll have grown into her full potential as a person, and she'll change the world. that struck a chord with how i used to feel, hard, and it's really stuck with me ever since. (hello, unhealthy snake model)

-emphasis on 'used to feel,' lmao

-got super invested in a really toxic '''mental health''' community at a low point in my life; exploded HARD trying to help everyone i could; got into vicious, protracted fights with the shitty mods for years about the harmful way they ran their community until i finally managed to go 'fuck this it's not getting better' and leave.

-had to numb myself emotionally to the people around me for a long time once i really started learning about mental health and trauma stuff, because now i was seeing signs of their pain and baggage everywhere i looked, and i couldn't handle not being able to help.

-the imagery with which i think about my bird primary is overwhelmingly negative. whether it's my actual primary or a model, i uh. i feel like a healthy relationship to one's primary doesn't involve associating it with gore.

-i saw a conversation recently about how birds think of morality in terms of 'if you can, you should,' and how that's scary for badgers because their definition of 'can' involves destroying yourself for the sake of that 'should,' and... yeah, that's a mood. that's a BIG mood. thinking about bird primary stuff is hard--and i had to pick up my lion model to deal with it--because it's so easy for me to spiral into a self-shredding spiral of other people are counting on you to do the right thing, how dare you pull back for your own health and sanity. how dare you turn your back for even a minute. how dare you rest. the work is never done.

which is... a very exploded badger approach to exploded bird morality. whoops.

-fix-it and time travel fiction in which Everything Went Right This Time and It's Going to Be Okay are one of my very favorite self-indulgent fantasies. i will enjoy putting characters through the wringer in all kinds of creatively horrific ways which may or may not end on a downer note, certainly, i love that shit, but i will also 90% of the time have a backup version of the arc or dynamic that's softer and lighter and Actually Healthy This Time. it's the dichotomy there that really gets me tbh, a story where Everything Ends Happily by default will mmmaybe pull me in? but stories where there's the constant shadow of this could end horribly, it's supposed to end horribly, and we got a happy fucking ending anyway are just... that shit will make me cry, man.

it's also why i kind of really hate stable time loop stories where it initially looks like this is going to be The Good Timeline this time around, but OOPSIE everything went to shit anyway! we're right back where we started, just like it was meant to be all along! it's a tired cliche by this point and an unsatisfying one for me, and it makes me roll my eyes every time.

-this is relevant to the bird vs. badger because like... my gut instinct is to prioritize people over systems. when shit hits the fan, when someone's fallen into the machinery and is about to get hurt, i don't feel right about it if i just let it happen. i'll break the machinery if i have to to keep it away from them; i won't feel great about that, and it might cause problems, but fuck it, we'll figure it out later. throwing people into the gears of a system when i'm convinced it's the only option makes me feel Awful.

-related to the above, another trope that really speaks to me in fiction is when a character defies the rules of reality through sheer force of will. no, this is not happening, i don't give a shit what the limits are supposed to be. i refuse to let this be the way things are. (there's that lion model.)

-i've just kind of... always wanted to be an Everyone Badger. it makes me sad how much of that i've lost over the years as i've gotten more cynical, but it's what i wish i could be.

---

doubtless i'll think of more the moment i hit send, and there are just as many things about me that are Super Bird Primary, but like... mamma mia that's some spicy badger. the main thing stopping me is the Can't and Refuse to Dehumanize bit. i also... hm. i think i can function okay without a community? they just help a lot, and it sucks when i'm confronted with one i don't have a (stable) place in. any thoughts? is it possible for a bird system's foundation to run so deep that eventually it overrides the bird?

#shc #sortinghatchats #sorting hat chats #badger primary #bird primary #burned badger primary #exploded badger primary #exploded bird primary #burned houses #exploded houses #abuse cw #gore implied cw #moogle hat talks

[iamthespineofmybook]

Team GRAY

Back in Volume 2, I decided to make my own OC team on the off chance that there was going to be a character contest. Apparently, there was one, but I only learned about it yesterday.

Either way, I do like the team I made, who are meant to be foils for Team RWBY themselves. I don’t really know if there’s a standard template for this, so I’m just copy-pasting from my document on them.

The basis for the team is Final Fantasy classes, so each of them has an “Overdrive” ability that takes them beyond their limits, but has some backlash (unlike actual limit breaks from that series).

Team Leader: Grey Veyon Appearance: Shaved head, silver goatee. Grey eyes. White hoodie, grey pants. Tall and slight of build. Bio: Grey Veyon is a gentle man, so his choice to become a Hunter surprises many. Indeed, when fighting Grimm he tends to hang back, letting his team take on the creatures in favour of using his Semblance. However, this does not mean that he is incapable of fighting. He carries a quarterstaff that seems to be made of wood, but it is actually a cleverly painted miniature rocket launcher. His fighting style could safely be categorized as “staff aikido,” where he uses weapon and his opponent's momentum to safely turn their attacks against themselves. Weapon: Hibiscus Rod. A mini-rocket launcher disguised as a wooden quarterstaff. Incredibly sturdy. Semblance: Healing. He can knit the wounds of anyone within three meters, though the amount of healing decreases with distance, barely being able to knit a paper cut at maximum range, but being able to reattach limbs (if they're well preserved or freshly cut) while touching the target. “Overdrive”: Holy Light: A pair of angel wings appear behind him, then bright light covers a six meter area, healing everyone within it. Grey then falls unconscious from exertion. Aura Strength: Medium-low. Dust Use: Medium-high. Inspiration: White Mage (FFX)

Second Member: Roan Ghaelach Appearance: Short reddish hair. Blue eyes. Red robe over grey clothes. Average height and build. Bio: Roan Ghaelach is a prodigy of a Dust scientist who once worked alongside his father, Xanthos, for the Schnee Dust Company (his mother, Amber, is a roboticist for a different company), but was sent away after one too many attacks on their laboratory by White Fang. They repelled all attackers without injury, thanks in part to his unique inventions. He is somewhat rash, though his actions will have thought and planning behind them. Roan acts arrogant and condescending, flaunting his intelligence at any opportunity; he does this in reaction to being bullied as a kid for his natural genius, cloaking himself in the very thing he was being hurt over (“I'm a genius, I don't need friends.”). In truth, however, he's desperate for friends, but he's been pretending for so long he finds it difficult to let down his shields. He fights best at long range and utilizes certain Dust mixtures to escape from foes that close in on him. Weapon: Triple Duster. A custom weapon created by Roan, which uses special bullets full of Dust. It has the shape of a regular gun, save for the fact that it has three barrels and chambers for up to nine bullets at once. By manipulating a dial on the side of Triple Duster, he can fire one, two, or all three bullets in the firing chambers, creating bigger or combined effects. Semblance: Dust Augmentation. Roan is capable of augmenting the power of Dust's effects, whether it be empowering the reaction or damping it. This power cannot completely de-power Dust. For example, making Fire Dust only as potent as a candle flame. At full power, however, Dust becomes ridiculously dangerous. “Overdrive”: Omega Blast. Roan loads three different Dust Bullets into the Triple Duster and augments  them to full power before firing. Capable of levelling a skyscraper, this attack also destroys the Triple Duster, requiring a rebuild. Aura Strength: Low. Dust Use: High. Inspiration: Black Mage/Gunner (FFTactics)

Third Member: Aurum Bracchium Appearance: Golden-brown hair in a ponytail and a full beard. Hazel eyes. Golden armour over tan clothes, with a wolf pelt cloak. Average height with heavy muscles. Bio: Aurum Bracchium was raised by Faunus his whole life, and considers himself one as well, even though he's a full-blooded human (his adoptive family, a bear-faunus (Dwyer; paws) and hawk-faunus (Lucia; eyes) told him so, having found him near the bodies of his birth parents). He wears his wolf-skin cloak in an attempt to reconcile his beliefs and his blood. And although he thinks of himself as a Faunus, he dislikes White Fang due to the negative light they cast on the Faunus people. He fights up close and personal with every foe, barely thinking of his own defense as he attacks in a pseudo-fury. Weapon: Grimm Reaver. A tricked-out, two-handed battleaxe. Each of its two blades can fire a bullet to either deal extra damage or speed its swing as it bites into an enemy. As an additional utility, it can fire the spike between its blades as a grappling hook, allowing the wielder to reach far places. As one last surprise, it holds a similar mini-rocket launcher as Grey's Hibiscus Rod in the bottom. Semblance: Undiscovered as of his third year at Beacon. (Animus Shroud. Similar to the Schnee summoning ability, but instead of calling upon the foe in question, he takes on its qualities in gold. Initial form is only parts, intermediate form is full shroud, final form allows him to mix-and-match those parts.) “Overdrive”: Master Blow. Aurum puts every ounce of his power into a single attack. Capable of taking out dozens of Grimm in one swing, this attack renders him completely helpless and unable to move for another hour from sheer exhaustion. Aura Strength: High. Dust Use: None. Inspiration: Berserker (FFV)

Fourth Member: Yin Dàlǎohǔ Appearance: Messy short black hair. Red eyes. Wears heavy, spiked, black armour, including a helmet, when on a mission, but his casual wear is a black longcoat over a red shirt and black pants. Short and slight. Bio: Yin is so quiet and reclusive, many people believe him mute. In truth, however, he speaks only when absolutely necessary. Why this is is unknown to many, but he is fiercely protective of his allies, taking every blow to them as a personal failure. He fights with a shield and sword in close quarters combat, but isn't averse to long range combat when necessary. His dedication and silence both stem from a traumatic event, where he and his friend, Whyt Veyon, were attacked by Grimm; she died and his Semblance and Aura both activated. Weapon: Death Lotus. A sword and shield combo. The sword can fire bullets from its tip, and the shield has a compartment of Fire Dust that can be utilized through a nozzle on the front in the form of a flamethrower. For storage the weapon and his armour merge into the shield, which he carries on his back. Semblance: Blackfire. Yin can utilize of some sort of dark energy that explodes on contact with a surface in a manner similar to a crushed Fire Dust Crystal, but black in colour. However, using his Semblance causes damage to himself due to his trauma (this damage can thankfully be healed by Grey's Healing Semblance). “Overdrive”: Rage Demon. Yin's Semblance merges with his Aura, cloaking him in a destructive shroud of dark energy. This merger empowers everything about him, but prolonged use can outright kill him. Aura Strength: Variable. It's stronger when he's defending others, and weaker when he's fighting for himself, becoming practically non-existent outside of combat. Dust Use: Medium. Inspiration: Dark Knight (Bravely Default)

#rwby #rwby ocs #final fantasy #rwby oc team

[sparkwhorunswithwolves]

“The next day Scott apologizes to Allison, who’s a little bit upset. But hey, Scott’s a werewolf, so I mean, what are you gonna do, say no?”

//

Of all the things that confused me for a long time, among the most confusing was Scott/Posey Stans’ simultaneously held beliefs that Scott McCall would be the bestest werewolf ever and yet somehow remain a toxic human disaster worthy of pity. All the things that make Scott McCall that disaster – his insecurities, his lack of empathy, his bigotry, his hypocrisy, his abusive tendencies and behavior, his possessive instincts – also make him an absolute horror as a werewolf.

How many times did Scott lash out in anger at people he professed to care about just because they didn’t do what he wanted them to do? How many times did Scott lie and conceal important information from others for his own benefit? How many times did Scott’s mother, girlfriends and friends complain about not being able to help if they don’t know? How many times did Scott charge headlong into situations with no plan whatsoever solely focused on fulfilling his own emotional needs? If it wasn’t for Stiles and Derek, Scott would have been killed off by the hunters and by Peter Hale after exposing his own kind during one of his jealous fits/dick measuring contests with Jackson in Season 1. If it wasn’t for Stiles and Derek, Scott would have hurt Allison and killed Jackson out of jealousy.

Scott knew that becoming a werewolf gave him the power to protect the people he cares about (which includes managing their image of him) and the power to force said protection on them. Teen Wolf S5A and B proved that Scott McCall will lie and manipulate and cheat and gaslight and commit premeditated murder to keep things under his control until he can’t any more; then he’ll explode, whine, throw another one of his self important temper tantrums, and attempt to blame others for his own failures. Why do you think Scott McCall’s body count is higher then the villains’?

Remember how Scott reacted when he found out that Isaac liked Allison? Isaac was a goner the moment he interacted with “HIS” woman. Scott never ever had the slightest hesitation (or any regret) about physically punishing him. Dead man walking. In fact, the only reason Scott stopped abusing Isaac in front of Melissa was because he started preying on the new girl on campus and, quoting Tyler Posey’s own words, “Kira is a good distraction for Scott.”

Perhaps that’s what Scott stans mean when they wax lyrical over how much of an incredible wolf and ‘true alpha’ Scott makes in self-insert Scott McCall Supremacist fan fiction after self insert Scott McCall Supremacist fan fiction: they admire how many innocent people Scott murders and how many abuse victims Scott maims, abuses and violates while working out his delusions of grandeur, pathological jealousy and emotional issues.

Scott McCall had that 10-episode span where he plotted/conspired with Deaton and Gerard Argent against Derek Hale and his Pack behind everyone’s back; which culminated in self proclaimed hero and ruler of Beacon Hills Scott violating Derek’s boundaries, bodily autonomy and consent and committing premeditated attempted murder just because: “He threatened my mom! I had no choice!”

And yet, the Scott McCall defense squad trolls are adamant that Scott immediately flipped an emotional control switch and resolved all his issues. Of course Scott McCall wouldn’t lash out and savagely attack the moment his friends chose to kick his whiny ass to the curb for good or suggested that Scott didn’t have the right to make their decisions for them. Nope! Ice-cold control. Clear loyalties, superior morality and leadership skills. A good, nurturing friend, boyfriend and werewolf and a true blessing to the pack. /sarcasm

While canon shows us that Scott McCall is a flop wolf (even his only beta Liam and his girlfriend Malia called him a failure to his face in Season 5), everything in canon confirms that Stiles Stilinski would make a magnificent werewolf. Born Wolf Peter Hale has always known this – that’s why he offers Stiles the Bite in Season 1 and then shamelessly admits that he NEVER stopped fantasizing about biting/turning Stiles in Season 6.

In conclusion: if Teen Wolf had revolved around the Hale Pack and family and werewolf Stiles and/or Dark Stiles & Void Stiles like viewers wanted, it would have been a better and much more interesting show than whatever Scott/Posey crap-show we got (and it would have lasted longer, too.)

The Teen Wolf writers and producers should have killed Scott McCall off in Season 1 Episode 1 and replaced him with Vernon Boyd or Kira Yukimura instead.

~•~

https://princeescaluswords.tumblr.com/post/623259473284399104/another-thing-fandom-claims-a-story-about-the#notes There. Fixed it for you canon and reality wise @ princeescaluswords

---

Ohhh, do I have opinions about… all of those things. So, in no particular order:

Hale pack; Hale pack 2.0; werewolf Stiles; pretty sure I answered Boyd as the MC before; Kira; 

Did I ever actually post that TW would have to deal with fundamentally different themes if Stiles/Allion were bitten instead or did I just go nope NaNo project?

Okay, let’s see, how would a show that actually focused on worldbuilding, werewolf dynamics/culture outside of “I’m the alpha now”, and pack-as-family be more interesting than a show about what is either the most hilariously bad excuse for a Good Guy™, or an unsatisfying good guy turned villain story that didn’t realise that we were actually interested in the character’s lives outside of Scott?

With the Hale pack 2.0, the show would be about rebuilding that, about human and werewolf norms clashing, and finding a middle ground that isn’t “you’ll heal/werewolves made them do it”.

Because TW does have so much potential for all those things, but Scott’s not interested in them unless it directly affects or benefits him; but we never see non-abusive pack dynamics.

And this might just be because I grew up with wolfblood/still haven’t finished the order, but actually seeing that kind of pack bonding/history outside of “let’s save the day” is so much more interesting. 

-

Werewolf!Stiles is interesting, because I can and have seen it both ways with a pretty even split?

(I’ve also answered Stiles saying yes to the bbite at least twice now, and that answer hasn’t changed. Unless it’s time travel. post5a/b Stiles asking Peter or Derek for the bite would be hilarious.)

First off, “Stiles would kill everyone he lies about giving a shit about!1!1!” is absolutely hilarious, given that Scott was the one who tried to kill Stiles, hurt and only didn’t kill Jackson because Derek and Stiles interfered, hurt Isaac, because of “control issues”. But sure, Stiles is the one who would kill everyone on sight. /sarcasm

Okay, so. Stiles wants to be part of this world, does everything he can to learn about it and knows when you can’t do something because werewolves. He has also shown that he’s willing to make sacrifices (skipping the lacrosse game in 1x9(?)/Eichen House in 3b/the relationship with his dad) if it meant keeping people safe, because he knew not doing those things would hurt people more than they could benefit him. 

(Meanwhile we have Scott “being bullied” into playing lacrosse/not caring if The Darkness™ hurt anyone— Isaac or anyone at school/lied to his mom, Allison, Kira constantly. Go figure)

Other than that, I honestly can’t tell how much control I would want canon!Stiles to have. Because with fic, I could go either way, for obvious I need to fixate on something other than adhd and werewolves, please, reasons, but canon? I don’t think perfect control on at least the first full moon is something that's actually possible given, you know, canon. And depending on if you go with Stiles being bitten instead of Scott, it’s not a particularly interesting story. 

But everything in canon suggests that he would be self aware enough to know that, and not go to a party like a certain other person I will not name here. 

-

But that’s one of the main— issues I have with this line of thinking. It’s always how would this compare to Scott. You always outdo the other, when you can’t really compare it in the sense they are both very different people, who are going to handle the same situation very differently. Scott’s go to response when Shit Happens is to avoid it for as long as possible by distracting himself with school/lacrosse/gf of the season; while, despite for that throwaway line, Stiles always needs to be there— he researches werewolves, stalks Theo, helps the Hales. 

As I said before, neither is the most thought out or safe option, both are a normal response, but you can’t— It’s hard to compare them because Scott got bitten “because of” Stiles, and didn’t have any how to werewolf 101 he really listened to. While with Stiles it’s either a) him getting “himself” bitten that night and being excited about it, b) him wanting the bite, knowing what to expect, with a lot less trauma, c) getting bitten without consent but with that understanding of what is happening. 

-

Now, Kira’s story is something I would pay good money to actually see done right. Because can you imagine of they did kill off Scott in 3a, and Kira had to navigate a) BH’s drama, b) coming into her own powers, c) actually dealing with not being fucking told about that, and d) not being fucking lied to end just getting yeeted into the desert?

#teen wolf #anti scott mccall #at least this one is under 1k lmao #idk if this makes sense my brain doesn't like words atm #on a completely unrelated note I'm two scenes from Werewolf Yoda™ #and I can't wait to actuall write that tomorrow #Kira's part would have gotten longer but words are hard #and while wolfy stiles/hales have been an interest for a while #going into detail with her would be a whole new narrative that would completely screw over my nano #also who doesn't want domestic werewolves? #submission

[bracedfangirl]

I know I should be putting out the next Fatal Mistake AU chapter but-

School’s got me a little, and I can only put out snippets for a few more days, before I finish the end of the next chapter of it. So here I am with yet another teaser from the later part of the AU, introducing a very much unseen side of Morro

(Small clarification: For a reason the ninja and Morro will have to work together around 2 months after Lloyd dies. I’ll put it in a chapter too later, but if y’all want to know it just send an ask)

"So let me get this straight, Wu never told you anything about how souls and minds and all these things work?"

"Uh no..."

"Shit... Okay, then I guess we'll have to start with the basics… Soul types. There are 5 main ones, and each type has variations of it's own, and each type has a rarity and default traits. Trego, tria, geeda, keydro and sikol. Let's start with tregos. They're stable, possession suitable spirits, who are very common, and can heal their breaks and wounds. Aggressive and impatient most of the time."

Morro says while giving a subtle glare at Kai who tries to hide his offense without success.

"The red is the most aggressive, the intensity getting less in orange and yellow ones-"

"Well I bet Kai's one of these right?"

Jay totally fails changing the mood, but Morro seems to comply.

"You're spot on with that, he's the most hot headed red trego I've ever heard of."

"Hey!"

"What Flamehead? I'm just stating a fact. Anyway, the next are trias who... really differ by variation but are the most common... Possession suitable, usually able to heal their wounds. There's orange white and malachite. Malachite is fairly aggressive and possessive, orange is more like a sane, calm but protective spirit and white... well white is pretty much a very chill, calm and gentle variation."

Jay cuts in again, seemingly oblivious to who he's talking to.

"Okay well they may be common but I didn't recognise any of us."

"You gotta be kidding me! Three of you are trias! Nya's the most vicious malachite I've ever seen! Being an orange is written on Cole's face, and since Zane has an artificial mind, there isn't even any other option."

"What? When was I vicious with you?"

Morro laughs lightly at Nya's protest, before taking up his annoying smug grin, that's been sickening Kai ever since he first saw it.

"Who said I know your personalities from meeting you enough times in person?"

That causes an awkward silence, the urge to break the deal with Morro and just kill him already rapidly growing in Kai.

"A broken soul and a pretty much nonexistent mind doesn't have secrets if you're a possesser ghost. The memories just show up on hit..."

Cole has to keep him down after that, his boiling hatred threatening to burst out of him.

"Anyway back to the original topic, the next are geedas. While you can possess a geeda, it's not the best choice... These guys have issues with emotional control, and often are panicky or anxious. Somewhat stable, but not the best at fixing themselves. There's blue grey and yellow, the grey being the absolute embodiment of anxiety."

Cole snorts, looking at Jay with mischevious eyes.

"I'm sensing Jay in this one."

"He's a yellow one, the second worst to deal with."

"What- rude!"

Zane's eyes light up, and he turns to Morro, words chosen way too carefully.

"What are you? I didn't really see any match yet."

"I'm a keydro, probably a yellow one... Mood swings and emotion control issues are let's say common, but at least mine is so much of a hostile type that you wouldn't ever get possessed. It wouldn't end well for that ghost. We're more of possesser spirits in general. There's grey and green too, but there's not much difference."

Nya isn't exactly subtle at voicing her opinion, voice venomous.

"That would explain why you're such an asshole."

Kai's uncertain, quiet voice suddenly rings out, grief clearly staining it.

"What about Lloyd?"

Morro freezes mid-turn at that, stalling for a few seconds before sighing and flopping down on the ground, eyes miles away. His voice is quiet, and Kai catches a slight emotion in it, something he never thought he'd hear from the ghost.

"Sikol..."

It's terror… fear…

"Black sikol... and trust me, that's not something you want to meet in pure form. Especially not in… his case... Sikols are... unusual and… rare. They have insane mental birth defects, completely missing whole emotions sometimes..."

"Mother of god-"

"Too unstable for possession, but you can't recognise them at all... they don't have a trait you can see to recognise them. They can't heal either… at all."

"So that's why the kid still had nightmares about Darkley's years later-"

"Yes… their wounds stay open for years, making them unpredictable and agressive… Very aggressive… They're vicious, and don't care about anything… sometimes not even their own lives… There's white, gold, grey and black and-"

Morro takes a few seconds to stabilize himself before somehow continuing in a more panicked manner.

"And black ones resemble demons more than humans… they take a dragon like shape and a… shadow like appearance, with glowing wounds and eyes... Fighting one isn't just unwise, but downright suicidal… It's like you picked a fight with a rabid dragon!"

It's in that moment that the question he's been wanting to ask for months explodes out of Kai, anger and pain soaking his voice.

"Then why didn't you stop? If it was unwise and dangerous why didn't you just let him go and try possess one of us? Why him?"

"Because he was the leader, and if I let him get home and tell you about me I won't have a second chance! It's just simple strategy Kai! Besides this way there's at least one person who knows how close he was to snapping permanently... an abandonment break blinding your soul's right eye isn't something you can ignore for long-"

"What's an abandonment break?"

"I said too much again didn’t I? *sigh* It's the most dangerous mental injury you can suffer from... Any break is dangerous, as it's the damage of an emotional core, and you can get it with emotional trauma. An abandonment break is when your love and trust cores get damaged, and the name comes from it being found mostly on people without parents... I've never known that it can appear over your eye until I've seen Lloyd's... It looked serious and like it has been there most of his life... I'm pretty sure it's from Darkley's."

The silence that follows Morro's last statement is so thick, they could cut it if they tried. Everyone is trying to understand the new information, still partially in denial.

"I've been taught how to possess, how to keep control and how to try to avoid sikols for decades, but never once did anyone mention that a 14 year old with the soul injuries of a 90 year old war veteran can exist, much less how he fights! He was weak but attacked in waves, and then it took a lot of force to keep him down... The-The only good thing that came out of this is that I completed the mission given to me and that I showed the world how weak it is. I don't think people should depend on just a person to protect them this much...There's simply no way Helena is doing this for fun, she probably feels like I took something from her and in return she's gonna mess with something she doesn't understand, and-and that will result in chaos! People who feel like they were exploited in their lives are agressive upon forced ressurrection! The problem isn't that Helena is planning to do something disrespectful and disgusting, it's because she's planning on unleashing something no one can control! That's why it's important to stop her. I doubt you'd be happy if someone woke you up at 1 am demanding you to save the world... Imagine how Lloyd will feel, waking up in his fucking rotten body!"

The silence after this is far less thick, Kai making an uneasy, seemingly forced statement.

"Then I suppose… we can work together… but only if you play fairly and by our rules."

"I never expected anything else."

#ninjago #ninjago au #fatal mistake au #teaser #ninjago morro #ninjago kai #ninjago cole #ninjago jay #ninjago zane #ninjago nya #angst #tw swearing #i'll explain helena later #but if you peeps wanna know it early just send an ask #ninjago angst

[befitandchase]

I just realized how hard it is to write in the RNM fandom

😐

There are way too many good writers. It’s impossible to compete with their caliber of writing and sheer output.

Also, too many BNF’s that pretty much everyone (myself included) gush over.

I wish I could have stuck with the Arrow fandom through all 8 years, but I gave it 4, which was plenty for me. Close to a million words written for that fandom alone. I miss being part of it, but knowing that’s it’s going to end soon has put a damper on my creativity for Olicity. They will forever be my #1 OTP of all time, but I needed to transition into something new in order to keep my creativity fresh.

Roswell New Mexico started out as an experiment for me at the beginning of the show itself because I’d watched OG Roswell when it first came out and absolutely adored it. I didn’t realize I’d get so enraptured with the reboot, let alone start shipping an LGBT couple that has become so very close to my heart for so many reasons.

I mean, you’ve got Michael Guerin (who, to my knowledge, was straight in the original series and books) being bi. That in and of itself is so important to me because REPRESENTATION. (Being bi myself, I can most definitely relate to him in many ways.)

And then there’s Alex Manes (formerly Alex Whitman in the original series). He’s gay, but the fact that he’s experienced so much trauma in his life and deals with almost every single mental illness I deal with, has made me relate to him even more than Michael. To put it bluntly, Alex Manes owned my heart and soul.

It wasn’t until the very last few minutes of episode 1 of the reboot that we really saw them together, and the tension that had been building throughout the episode explode in a fiery, passionate, desperate kiss that not only caught me by surprise but captured my heart in the process. That turned me into a Malex shipper immediately.

And now here I am, trying my damnedest to put my creativity to work, and feeling like I’m just kinda drowning in a sea of much better, smarter, sexier content than I’ll ever be able to write. It sucks. It produces self doubt in abundance (something I already struggle with). And I hate that it’s getting to me when I know it shouldn’t. I’m a grown ass woman. I need to put my big girl panties on and stop being such a whiny bitch about it.

But I can’t. I can’t because the voices of my depression tell me I’ll never be good enough so why should I keep trying? It’s frustrating having to deal with that when writing fic is the only pastime that gives me joy anymore. I hate feeling this way and I hate that I had to unload on here.

I’m sorry. Ignore this post. I’m just acting childish.

#fandom #writing #writing fanfic #roswell new mexico #rnm #rnm fic #arrow #arrow fanfiction #olicity #olicity fanfiction #writer problems #depression spiral #depression problems #self doubt #pls ignore #ignore this #ignore me #back to your regularly scheduled shitposting #malex #malex fic

[ladyanatui]

Ultimate Daiken Playlist, Pt. 2

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

This is the abridged version of my Spotify playlist for all things Daiken, organized from the start of 02 to...eventually.

Part 2 specifically covers from Ken finding Wormmon’s Digi-Tama to just after XV-mon and Stingmon Jogress-evolve into Paildramon.

TRIGGER WARNING: This post discusses depression, suicide, emotional abuse, and PTSD quite a lot. Take care of yourselves, folks!

Spotify Playlist

Click the song titles for YouTube links (apparently you can’t have more than five videos in a post), and otherwise, enjoy me rambling about Daiken.

One final note: Within the lyrics, I’ve emphasized meaningful words, such as night/nightmare, dark/darkness, miracle(s), kind/kindness, courage/bravery, friend/friendship, sun/star/light, fire/burn/ignite, angel(s), and words related to water/drowning.

“What If This Is All the Love You Ever Get?” by Snow Patrol

What if it hurts like hell? Then it'll hurt like hell Come on over, come on over here I'm in the ruins too I know the wreckage so well Come on over, come on over here What if this is all the love you ever get?

If “Tell Me Why” by Three Days Grace focuses on Wormmon’s death, this song focuses on Ken’s trip to the Village of Beginnings, where he finds Wormmon’s egg and brings him back. Because Ken is absolutely scared that he won’t be able to find Wormmon because, as far as he believes, he doesn’t deserve to have him back. Obviously, that’s not true, and the pair is reunited and Wormmon even evolves to Stingmon between episodes (unfortunately).

“Aftermath” by Adam Lambert

Wanna scream out, no more hiding Don't be afraid of what's inside Gonna tell ya you'll be alright In the aftermath

Alright, this song is probably pretty obvious. Ken has to deal with the aftermath of what happened to him/what he did, and so do the rest of the Chosen Children. The others are cleaning up the Digital World while he’s learning to be an eleven-year-old boy again and allowing his parents to get to know him for the first time, even while he still tries to figure out who he is.

“Demons” by The All-American Rejects

Am I even here? Is it still even me? Am I some of the man that I still claim to be? It's like losing a fight, I'm alone in the ring You come to fix me? Would you believe, could you believe you need me?

Obviously, it’s not that easy, though. And when we experience trauma the way Ken does, having his choices and very personality taken from him, there’s a long road of recovery.

“Sinking Man” by Of Monsters and Men

Cold, dark sea Wrapping its arms around me Pulling me down to the deep All eyes on me

I pushed you away Although I wished you could stay So many words left unsaid But I'm all out of breath

I associate this song especially with the scene Ken and Daisuke share by the canal, where Daisuke asks Ken to apologize and join the team. The moment apologizing is mentioned, Ken agrees--which, of course, has Daisuke over the moon--but then he asks if Daisuke thinks the others would forgive him, if a mere apology would make up for everything he did.

Although he’s certainly right about them not accepting an apology without action and follow-through to back it up, he’s also (surprise, surprise) self-sabotaging. And that’s even more apparent the moment Daisuke calls him their “partner.” Ken flips out and runs off pretty quickly.

“The Real You” by Three Days Grace

And it seems like I've known you forever I'll keep you safe for one more night Need you to know that it's all right I see the real you Even if you don't I do I do

And this is the other side of the coin. Daisuke’s perspective of that same scene/situation. Because Daisuke looked into the Digimental of Miracles and he knows that Ken is good. He knows it with all his freaking beautiful heart, and he’s willing to completely ignore the other Chosen Children when they outright tell him they don’t want Ken on the team. He doesn’t care what they say because he knows how wrong they are, and he knows how wrong Ken is about himself.

It’s pretty safe to say that Daisuke is the only person in all of 02 who sees Ken for who he really is, and he’s willing to put everything on the line, including the team morale and dynamics, to support Ken.

“Numb” by Linkin Park

Can't you see that you're smothering me? Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control 'Cause everything that you thought I would be Has fallen apart right in front of you Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow Every step that I take is another mistake to you Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow And every second I waste is more than I can take

What playlist about a character with depression would be complete without this? “Numb” is an iconic depression song, made even more so by Chester Bennington’s death, though Linkin Park has so many songs related to depression and mental health.

**Okay, it’s pretty safe to say the next six songs have to do with the two-part episode (episodes 26 & 27) revolving around Daisuke and Ken’s initial Jogress evolution. It’s kind of a big deal, so it’s a big deal in the playlist as well. The event functions as 02′s midpoint and centerpiece, so it’s one of the most emotionally charged and important scenes in the whole season. It really can’t be summed up in a song or two.**

“This Is How I Disappear” by My Chemical Romance

Can you hear me cry out to you? Words I thought I'd choke on figure out I'm really not so with you anymore I'm just a ghost So I can't hurt you anymore

This song in particular is about Ken’s suicidal ideation, the technical term for suicidal thoughts. Ken is what is sometimes called “gray suicidal” (since people often think of suicide in black and white terms, which isn’t accurate) because he has no specific plan to kill him, he’s never attempted suicide, and he doesn’t want to actually die.

And yet, he thinks about death a lot and that he deserves to die and that his death would help fix things because he can’t hurt anyone if he’s dead. He wants to punish himself, and he wants to carry all of the burden because he thinks he deserves it. (Obviously, this isn’t true, as Ken’s story arc is more about overcoming trauma than about redeeming himself--but you’d have a hard time convincing Ken of that fact.)

“Friend, Please” by Twenty One Pilots

Would you let me know your plans tonight 'Cause I just won't let go till we both see the light And I have nothing else left to say But I will listen to you all day, yes, I will

So basically, these next couple songs sum up the argument Daisuke and Ken have before their digivices light up for the Jogress evolution. First, Daisuke tries to convince Ken to let them help, that they’ll work together, but...

“Save Yourself” by My Darkest Days

I’m the devil’s son straight out of hell And you’re an angel with a haunted heart If you’re smart you’d run and protect yourself From the demon living in the dark There’s nothing to be gained cause I can never change And you can never understand my sickness

Oh, look, Ken is being stubborn and frustrating and self-sabotaging yet again. He legitimately thinks the others will be better off if they leave him alone, and he means that both because if he’s the only one inside the base when it explodes, they’ll survive and because if they keep their distance from him in regards to friendship, he can’t hurt them emotionally. And worst of all, he’s roped Wormmon/Stingmon in on this suicidal atonement thing. *smh*

Ken: I won’t let people suffer anymore because of what I did...no more. ... I want to restore the Digital World with my own hands, but things just keep getting worse. I can’t stand it! Stingmon (to XV-mon): If there’s any way I can atone for the sins I’ve committed... Ken: It doesn’t matter what happens to me! Right now, I have to stop this reactor.

Bonus points for references to angels and hearts, though since this is from Ken’s perspective, Daisuke would be the “angel with a haunted heart.” Not sure that imagery works well, but the rest of it does.

“Die for You” by Starset

Some day when galaxies collide We'll be lost on different skies I will send my rocket ship to find you Because I know you're lost when you run away Into the same black holes and black mistakes Taking all my will just to run alone Until I bring you home

And what’s Daisuke’s reaction to Ken being stubborn and stupid? Bitch-slap him! He fucking needs it. (That’s everyone’s solution in this show, I swear.) And Daisuke isn’t going to let him get away with that shit. He yells and shouts and berates Ken until he finally looks at it from someone else’s perspective:

Daisuke: You idiot! *slap* How can you say that? Daisuke: Think of who would be sad if you were gone. If I let you go now and you never come back, I’ll regret it forever. So I won’t let you go! Daisuke: You may be okay with it, but I’m not. Ken: Motomiya... Daisuke: Live! Daisuke: If you die now, you won’t be able to accomplish anything. I don’t want that. Ken: I don’t want that either. There are still many things I must do. Ken: Besides, I don’t want to make my family sad anymore...

Note: I cut out XV-mon’s lines to Stingmon here because Daisuke’s words are the important part of this conversation, but I separated Daisuke’s lines where XV-mon spoke for clarity.

“Divide” by Bastille

Why would we divide when we could come together? Just bodies that collide, lost and found each other So don't, don't leave me alone Don't leave me alone, don't leave me alone Why would we divide when we could come together?

It’s only after that, after they understand each other on a monumental level, that they are able to Jogress evolve. And boy is that an experience. No other Jogress partners (except maybe Taichi and Yamato) have this intense of an experience with Jogress evolution, none have their bond.

And quite frankly, this song is about as poorly veiled a hint at sex as Jogress evolution is. Just listen to it. You’ll see.

But this song also shows Ken’s hesitation when it comes to Jogress. They work so well together, they’re completely in sync, they understand each other, but he’s definitely not ready to join the team or be Daisuke’s partner.

“Heartlines” by Florence + The Machine

Your heart is the only place that I call home Can I be returned, you can You can, we can

Just keep following The heartlines on your hand

Okay, and last one about the Jogress evolution! This one should be pretty damn obvious too: When Daisuke and Ken have their initial Jogress, one of the most notable things that makes it different from all others’ Jogress experiences is the fact that they can feel/hear each other’s heartbeats.

Soul fucking mates.

“Pieces” by Sum 41

This place is so empty My thoughts are so tempting I don't know how it got so bad Sometimes it's so crazy that nothing can save me But it's the only thing that I have

But when everything is over and Daisuke explains exactly how the experience was for him (“When our Digimon combined, our thoughts and feelings flowed through each of our bodies. Our hearts beating as one…it was an amazing feeling of unity! That’s when I knew we were partners.”), Ken panics and tells him, “I’m qualified to be your partner yet,” and walks away before Daisuke really has the chance to process what happened. Despite Daisuke’s words before they Jogress-evolved, Ken is still determined to redeem himself before allowing himself to join the team.

“Run” by Snow Patrol

Light up, light up As if you have a choice Even if you cannot hear my voice I'll be right beside you, dear

Of course, that would require Daisuke to know how to take no for an answer. Even if Ken isn’t going to listen to him and join the team, he still includes him as much as he can, and he is determined to stick by Ken’s side even if he doesn’t want him there.

And it may look to an outsider like Daisuke isn’t respecting Ken’s wishes, which yeah, that’s technically true. But by this time, Daisuke understands Ken better than anyone, save Wormmon, and while Daisuke may not respect Ken’s wishes, he respects Ken more than Ken respects himself. More than anything, he wants to help Ken, and he will be there for Ken to lean on if he ever needs to.

“Not Today” by Twenty One Pilots

Heard you say, "Not today" Tore the curtains down, windows open now, make a sound Heard your voice, "There's no choice" Tore the curtains down, windows open now, make a noise

I'm, I'm out of my mind, I'm not seeing things right I waste all this time trying to run from you But I'm, I'm out of my mind

To an extent, it is because of Daisuke’s forwardness that Ken keeps running away, as Hikari says on multiple occasions. He keeps trying to run away from Daisuke, from the other Chosen Children, but for some reason (*cough* Daisuke *cough*), it doesn’t seem to stick.

“Arch Drive Goodbye” by Eve 6

Wanna keep you from breakin' Wanna keep you from shakin' Wanna keep you from keepin' You down Wanna keep you from sinkin' Wanna keep you from drinkin' Sometimes Wanna keep you from keepin' You down

Ringing in my head All the things you've said All the things you've done I wish I could compromise But there's only one way to go And I'm going alone I'm going alone

I see this song as a sort of duet. There are sections/lines that would be from Daisuke’s perspective (the first quote, though obviously ignore the line about drinking--they’re eleven) and sections that would be from Ken’s (the second quote). Daisuke wants to help him so badly, but Ken is still so determined not to need help and to go it alone.

“Someone to Save You” by OneRepublic

All right Sit down and spill your heart

Let’s start from the very start 'Cause I can see by your eyes You're wasted Your energy comes and goes You taking your time, you know Nothing can change what happened

Not that Daisuke will listen to that, right? No matter how much Ken insists he can go it alone, Daisuke is always there to be supportive. He’s just as determined to help Ken as Ken is to refuse help. Actually, no, Daisuke is way more determined. He will always, above all else, persevere.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

#daiken #daisuke motomiya #ken ichijouji #digimon #digimon 02 #playlist #trigger warning #suicide #depression #ptsd #emotional abuse #mental health #anatui

[fathercharlesoffdensen]

In Defense of Fat Thor

I not only enjoyed Thor’s portrayal in Endgame, but found it to be a productive and well-developed(/acted, DAMN, Chris Hemsworth) characterization that has been steadily building up across each consecutive movie. Caveat: I do not fault anyone for being skeptical that the directors, etc. had it in them, considering the clunky nature of some of their previous creations, to say nothing of some of their interviews, etc. I am also not 100% surprised to see people maligning Fat Thor, and/or saying they don’t understand his trajectory and/or that they felt some of the humor at his expense took away from the legitimacy of having a fat, depressed, anxious character able to accomplish the same feats as when he had more physical prowess, etc. I disagree with this as well, in part because Fat Thor feels very personal to me, though not exclusively, and at the very least would like to propose a reading of many of the scenes in Endgame that offers a considerably more well-intentioned and good faith portrayal of Thor, with my own caveat that at least the anti-Ragnarok people using Fat Thor to further their agenda that Thor’s characterization sucks because Chris Hemsworth and Taika Waititi spent each day on set shaking Tom Hiddleston down for his lunch money and laughing at their own fart jokes are still wrong, which balances out everything else, because balance is still important, even if Thanos’ fuckboy interpretation of it is ridiculous. Anywho, apologies in advance for how messy this ends up being, I feel like my thoughts are very roundabout right now, but getting it out of my system will really help.

Thor has been ~emotionally fat~ for a while now, folks. As far back as Thor (2011), we see him disassociating, aka spending at least a few moments staring off into space in the midst of dealing with sudden upheaval, often because his angry outbursts have failed to be satisfying or get him what he wants/needs. One of the things that made me so excited to see a physical fallout to this in the MCU is that it actually ties into a bunch of other canons, too, including a recent spell in the comics leading up to the War of the Realms, wherein Odin sort of admits to his own role in breaking Thor, as far back as being “too drunk” to be there for his birth, as well as his being dubbed the God of Thunder because baby Thor used to wail whenever there was a storm, and Odin used to make fun of him for it because you don’t get a #4 Best All-Father coffee cup from your kids for nothing. @thishereanakinguy and I are even reworking parts of our Thorki paper for publication to put forth even more evidence that the pressure on Thor to be the Golden Child was too much, and that he’s been unraveling for a long time.

Again, none of these reactions to turmoil are new for Thor, though it’s fascinating that the conversation between Frigga and Thor in Endgame is largely focused on her assuring her son that it’s okay for him to fail, and/or for him to delegate tasks (there’s a recent comic that’s gone viral where Mister Rogers visits with Thor, and it has a similar bent), or realize that he has to shift his perspective on Who He Is. In part, it’s lowkey hilarious that Frigga, aka “send Loki some soup and some library books he’ll enjoy after our big fight because I still love that little asshole, never mind that he’ll probably receive them after she has been killed omfg,” is so blatantly ignoring Odin’s decrees to basically withhold basic affection from their children so that they’ll toughen up on their own, because fuck that noise. At the same time, Frigga imparts words that Thor (and Loki) should have heard and taken to heart a long time ago, and it’s painful to realize that Thor has felt as though he hasn’t been allowed to express his feelings, but so God damned great that that’s what Frigga hones in on. Notably, Thor isn’t trying to botch his trip to 2013 Asgard, either; he has a panic attack when he and Rocket arrive, and Frigga sneaks up on him because Frigga knows her babies no matter how much they are made of pizza or in Loki’s case magical artifacts. (Sarah read something saying that in households where the Golden Child and Black Sheep co-exist, statistically it’s common for the Golden Child to turn to alcohol and food, whereas the Black Sheep is more likely to turn to drugs/more illicit substances wherein they opt not to feel their feelings as much, and I was really floored by that because that really fits a couple of different scenarios that I’m familiar with for one reason or another.)

SO ANYWAY, we see Thor disassociating in previous movies. In TDW, even Odin comments on Thor’s confused heart, which Thor assures him has nothing to do with Jane Foster, even though it would be very easy for him to pretend he’s not actively thinking about Loki a thousand times a day and spending so much time stalking Heimdall and the broken Bifrost remnants that dude is like holy fuck please talk to your kid or I am going to commit treason again so hard. Thor reaches out to Odin for guidance/arguably comfort once Frigga dies, and his inability to provide either sends Thor immediately to Loki, who at the very least can help him properly realize the revenge he seeks, while also saving Jane. In Ragnarok, we get that great moment where Loki is talking directly to Thor, and Thor simply stares straight ahead; Loki doesn’t seem all that surprised by it either - he and Thor have different triggers and whatnot, but he knows the emo fuck who ends up at his cell in a fucking black poncho and handcuffs isn’t a new creation by any means, and he is into it fwiw. Even stuff like Korg admitting at the end of Ragnarok he carried around Miek’s presumably dead body because he felt so bad that he was dead warrants a little nod of understanding from Thor. Likewise, we see Thor stress-eating a bowl of bread at the beginning of Endgame, before the focus on his weight became a thing. Thor doesn’t run outside to see Tony Stark come home; whenever possible, he’s barely there, even before his five-year hiatus.

The use of well-placed humor in a three-hour sob fest does not seem all that weird to me. Shakespeare does it in all of his tragedies; and to continue this egregious metaphor, a lot of his comedies contain tragic bits, aka loss of family identity, which is arguably something that underpins how good Ragnarok is, as well. Being able to laugh at stuff has always been very important for me personally, though I realize it’s not for everyone. Still, I think there’s an additional caveat with Endgame regarding who the ‘fat jokes’ are coming from, aka arguably all of the Avengers have their own significant traumas to work through even before The Snap, and are also just trying to survive, even if they seem to fare physically better than Thor at this particular point in time. So Tony Stark calls him “Lebowski”; but as soon as the musical cues and Hemsworth’s amazing acting switches over into Thor being triggered by thoughts of all that he’s lost only minutes later, we see Tony, who canonically has major issues with being touched, putting his hand on Thor’s shoulder and allowing himself to be grabbed and held because he knows that is what Thor needs from him. Bruce, too, has to set a boundary for his own personal safety about being grabbed, but still gives in to Thor’s need for physical touch. One of the tragic touchstones of Ragnarok is that Thor doesn’t touch Loki once, even though in the first two Thor films and Avengers 1, he is constantly pawing at him. Thor wants to make a point in Ragnarok that he has decided he must let Loki go if that’s what Loki truly wants, and so he withholds his own instinct for physical contact - which Loki gives back to him, however briefly, in Infinity War by knocking Thor out of the way of Thanos and the Tesseract, to say nothing of how all Thor can do when he arrives at Loki’s corpse is to mewl and cling and bury his head and wait for everything to explode, himself included.

In any case, the other 'fat jokes’ come from Rocket, well established as being caustic in the face of personal tragedy, and having been put in the position even back in Infinity War of sort of making sure Thor keeps going, and Rhodey, who is probably just trying to deal with all these new people hanging around, and the fact that all of the structure in his life pretty much has been upended in a really short amount of time. Regarding Frigga’s “eat a salad” remark, as his mom, she seems to understand how much his physicality comes into play for him, and how devastating it is for him to see how others react to him seeming both physically and emotionally diminished. This is why it’s so powerful for him to still be 'worthy’ of Mjolnir, I think, and why that moment book-ended Frigga’s admonishment. Likewise, we don’t get a suspiciously fast glow-up wherein Thor’s all muscley again. He has to hold his own against Thanos in his current form, and he fucking does. Sometimes, life happens, and you have to respond to it as you are because you don’t have the time or energy to get everything in order first, and so you do the best you can. IMO, Thor did a pretty fucking good job.

I also find it completely understandable that Thor went off with the Guardians at the end of the film. (P.S.: Peter Quill is still absolutely intimidated by Fat Thor.) For one thing, I don’t think he’s going to stop trying to find a way to bring Loki back, regardless of what Clint said about the Soul Stone’s magic not being able to be reversed. For another, Valkyrie deserves her own glow-up into becoming Queen of New Asgard, as much as Sam deserves to be the new Cap. I’m of the mindset that Steve likely wouldn’t have gone back in time to be with Peggy if Tony had lived, and that doing so was him honoring Tony’s legacy by taking the advice that he gives several times in the film to go and live life while you have it. Likewise, as sad as it is for Tony to have died, I’m not sure he would have been able to rest, post-Thanos. You also can’t tell me for a second he hasn’t left all sorts of little messages and trinkets and whatnot around for his loved ones to find, cough AI Tony in Peter’s next suit or something cough.

Overall, I thought Endgame was a good send-off. It was well-acted, well-scripted, beautifully scored (Thor’s Pink Panther-esque theme when he’s trying to explain the Aether is amazeballs, as well as the theme that plays when everybody gets to the battlefield), and really just surprisingly, suspiciously good. I am glad that if we have to see this leg of the MCU end that it did so in such a way as to leave character arcs open to further interpretation, and I’m legitimately excited for a lot of them. While I don’t think everybody is required to be fake-positive all of the time, I do think that in fandom spaces, if one’s sole focus is how disappointing something is all the time, it’s not a productive or soul-enhancing use of one’s energy, and it makes me sad to see it. Nuance is important; the MCU has more of it than it’s given credit for having, and I hope more people realize that as it continues into Phase 4, or at the very least, that they find something they enjoy and keep coming along for the ride.

#avengers endgame spoilers #endgame spoilers #fat thor #meta #she wants the d(iscourse)