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damn-stark · 1 year

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Chapter 2 Butterfly

Chapter 2 of Tragedy at the Miller’s

A/N- I LOVE LOVE ALL YOU GUYS WHO SHOWED THE FIRST CHAPTER SOME LOVE!! I hope you guys stick around and like this chapter!!

Warning- FLUFF :): angst, talks of violence, death and blood, swearing, long chapter.

Pairing- Joel Miller x daughter!reader, Henry x Fem!reader

Episode- 1x05 (half of it)

(If you want to be tagged let me know!)

————

*A FEW YEARS BACK*

Stench of flesh swirls in your nose, upsetting your stomach. Pained screams still ring in your ears. And slowly the more the fire eats away at their flesh, the more the infected and the former friends look alike—like nothing but a pile of bones.

It was the first time….the first time you’ve killed someone not turned into one of those monsters. An actual person. That realization doesn’t let you breathe or move; neither your limbs or your eyes.

“I told you to stay behind,” your dads voice breaks you away from the burning bodies.

You blink and look up at him as he turns to face you, and mutter in brittle voice, “daddy—”

“I told you to stay behind!” He bellows and strides over to you to grab you by your arms roughly.

You gasp at the roughness of his grip and the harshness of his voice. As you keep holding his gaze you see emotions he never directs at you; fierce anger that begins to scare you.

“Daddy,” you mutter and shake your head. “I…I was just trying to help you. I…I—”

“You disobeyed me,” he scolds you and grabs onto you tighter. “You could’ve gotten yourself hurt! You could’ve gotten yourself killed!”

You glance at the fire burning behind him, and begin to gape like a fish as you try to explain yourself to him through the shame and fear that begin to heighten at the realization of his words.

“I…” you mumble in a quivering voice. “I didn’t mean to, I just wanted to help,” you tell him again and meet his piercing glare. “I just wanted to help you, I saw them,” your voice breaks as tears form in your eyes. “I saw them, they were gonna hurt you! I just wanted to help you!”

“But you didn’t, did you?”

You gasp softly in disbelief, and feel your heart slowly sink at the sound of his sharp words.

“Joel?” You hear your uncle Tommy call.

You snap your watery gaze to him, and see him look down at the way your dad is grabbing onto you. He notices the anger, and slowly puts down his gun to look at your dad in disbelief. You proceed to pull away from your dad as his grip loosens and rush over to your uncle who welcomes you in a much more assuring and less angry way.

That’s when your dad realizes that his anger had gotten the best of him with you. Instead of trying to help you, trying to assure you, he snapped at you out of fear of his own.

“Y/n,” he calls out quietly. “I'm sorry.”

You step away from your uncle Tommy to face your dad, but still avert his gaze out of shame and slight fear. “It’s okay,” you mutter without truly thinking about it.

——

*NOW*

Sunlight dances on the flower patch down below, providing the fluttering butterflies with as much warmth as the sun can provide in the fall.

They’re peaceful insects, quiet and beautiful. Watching them just feed on the flower's nectar is calming in this cruel world, it’s one of the things that brings you peace.

Back in Jackson you grew a flower garden in the backyard of your house just to have them visit, to lay on the ground and read as they fluttered. It’s a silly thing, you oftentimes got picked on by the friends you live with, but what they don’t know is that in that meadow you grew in your backyard is where you see her; in those small purple flowers, in the sweet butterflies that feed off that nectar. That flower meadow is in memory of her, of the sister you had lost, Sarah.

Nevertheless, as you watch them flutter around, the silence that blankets you is broken by approaching footsteps. When you look back you see Sam approaching. You offer him a sweet smile and drag your feet down before you pat the empty spot beside you.

He doesn’t fret and joins your side on the ground. He looks below and then looks at you and takes off the string around his neck to write on the board he carries to communicate.

“What are you doing?” He writes.

Sam hands you the board, and you erase what he wrote to write back, “watching the butterflies.”

Sam leans over and reads the words, and smiles softly before signing with a word you do know now. “Why?”

You shrug and write on the board, “because it’s the closest thing I have to a tv, and I just enjoy watching them. It’s peaceful.”

Sam puts the board down, looks down at the flower patch below to watch the black butterflies mindlessly flutter around with you.

However, you quickly look away to grab his board and write their names that Sarah had told you once. “They’re called Black Swallowtail.” You tap Sam’s shoulder and point to what you wrote.

Sam's eyebrows knit together before he erases the board and signs again since he knows you know this one. “How do you know?”

You shift around and sign back, “S-a-r-a-h. My sister.”

Sam nods in comprehension and then looks down at his board to write, “do they make noise?”

You shake your head and write back, “they’re quiet, like you.”

Sam reads the words and takes them in before he erases it and asks, “do they hurt you? Like bees?”

You sign, “no,” and then erase what he wrote to write back, “they’re gentle. Ticklish.”

Sam reads it and looks at you with a questioning look, so you sign, “wait,” and proceed to slide down the small hill where the butterflies are gathered to pluck a flower from the ground. You then wait until a butterfly lands on it, and quickly shield it so it won’t escape.

Once the black butterfly with the yellow spots is secured, you look up at Sam and point your head to the side so he knows to come. He’s hesitant at first, but he trusts you, even if it’s only been a few weeks since you’ve joined their small group. Then again in small groups like these, when you’re trying to survive, it’s hard not bonding with the people you’re with.

It can be a good and bad thing because some people are big assholes.

Regardless, Sam slides down like you had and steps on his tiptoes to watch the butterfly flutter in your cupped hands.

You then slowly turn and crouch down to be at Sam’s level. You proceed to slowly move the shielded flower towards Sam, and very carefully pull your hand away from the flower. The butterfly stays on the flower like you wanted, so you move your finger towards it and let it crawl on your finger.

Once its little feet begin to tickle your flesh, Sam nervously grins, but seems to be more in awe. So before it can fly away you move your finger towards Sam’s nose, and gently guide the butterfly on his nose, making him immediately stiffen as he nervously laughs.

“See,” you sign. “All okay.”

The butterfly notices that there’s nothing where it’s perched and flutters off Sam’s nose quickly, and Sam only grins brighter. He then albeit quickly proceeds to grab his board to write down, “you were right. It tickles.”

You sign, “I told you.” You shoot him a cocky smile and point your head up the hill.

Sam looks up the hill and quickly begins to sign. You follow his line of gaze and see Henry. He had snuck up on you.

“Y/N…my nose,” that’s all you got from Sam signing to Henry. But hey! You’re learning, it’s been a few weeks and you’ve learned some stuff, that’s what counts.

“Did she?” Henry asks out loud and signs at the same time.

Sam nods and runs up the hill to reach his brother.

You then understand Henry’s question. “Did it hurt?”

Sam shakes his head and signs what you imagine is, “tickles.”

Henry hums and looks over at you to offer you a small smile before he signs and says. “Come on, let’s get going, dinner time.”

You beam at him and run up the hill, “great!” You sign in response. “I’m hungry.”

Since there’s nothing to fear at the moment Sam runs back to where everyone is gathered around, leaving Henry and you behind.

“So what?” Henry interjects. “Was it like, teaching moment with y/n?” He teases.

You feign a laugh. “Haha. And yes, actually. Black Swallowtail, that’s what those butterflies are called, and he knows that now. Thanks to yours truly.” You point at your chest.

Henry scoffs in amusement, bringing silence after, tense silence unlike before because now there’s unspoken feelings. At least from him because you know what you feel, you’re very in tune with your feelings, he doesn't seem to quite grasp what he feels towards you. Or at least that’s what Jace says.

So it seems you have to take matters into your own hands.

“What do you say after dinner, we wait for Sam to go to bed, and stay out to watch the stars,” you suggest with a racing heart. “Just the two of us.”

Henry falters in his pace, but turns his head to look at you. He seems quite surprised, but he doesn’t take long to answer, and stays nonchalant. “Yeah, let’s do it.”

You shoot him a smile. “Cool. I’ll bring my music.”

“I’d say I’d bring the drinks, but well we only have water,” he says with a small smirk.

You laugh softly. “That’s fine. I'm cool with that.”

Henry holds your gaze and his lips turn to a soft smile. You mirror his gesture and begin to feel your cheeks burn. Luckily he can't see that.

“I’ve never done this,” Henry breaks the sweet tension. “Date.”

Oh so he is in tune with his feelings.

“Oh, is this a date?” You mess with him.

Henry goes serious and shakes his head, making you quickly grin and assure him before he can take it back. “I’m messing with you, and don’t worry, going on a date is like hanging out. There’s just different feelings out in the open…well…that’s what it feels like anyway. In my 24 years of living I’ve only been on one date, and that guy was,” you let out a deep annoyed sigh. “He was different.”

Henry swallows thickly and hesitantly probes. “Different how?”

“He was a jerk. He only asked me on a date for some kind of game with his friends,” you share. “So if you’re not playing that then you’ll be okay.”

Henry shakes his head. “No, no, definitely not.”

“Cool.” You grin softly.

——

Night had taken over quickly, Sam went to sleep early due to his brother's behest, and now you’re navigating down the green meadow trying to find a spot somewhat secluded from camp.

“What happened to all the infected around here?” You ask Henry. “I haven’t seen many at all.”

Henry drops his gaze and sighs. “When Fedra was running Kansas City, they managed to drive them to underground tunnels.”

You hum and can’t decide if that’s smart or stupid. Both?

“You’ve been out there, what's the craziest infected you’ve seen?” Henry chooses to bounce off your question.

You scoff softly and answer right away. “Well there’s these fucking things out there, they have the fungus growing out of them, they can still see and hear, but they have that strength clickers do, and they like, stalk you. They’re fucking quiet and creepy as hell. It’s crazy as shit, terrifying, I still have nightmares.”

“You killed them?”

You begin to smirk smugly and nod as you hold his gaze. “Three. I’ve killed clickers too.”

Henry hums and then retorts, “show off.”

You laugh and shrug. “You asked.”

Henry lets out a small huff and then swallows back nervously.

It’s honestly very cute. You can tell that this is actually his first time being intimate with a girl.

“Here,” you point out and suddenly drop to the floor.

Henry had gotten a step ahead so he steps back and carefully sits by you.

Once he’s seated you pull out your Walkman and earphones to put them down between you, whilst Henry pulls out the bottle of water and puts it down before pulling out his lighter and igniting a small flame.

“How romantic,” you say with a small grin.

“Working with what we got,” he rubuts, and puts the flame out since it's a hassle having his lighter on the entire time. Instead he proceeds to probe nervously. “Okay….What now?”

You scoff softly and hand him a earphone bud while you put yours on, and put on some music at a low volume.

“I don’t have a lot of music options,” you share as he puts on the bud. “The rest is at home so, for now we’ll listen to…” you pick up your Walkman and check what you have inside. “Britney Spears,” you read outloud. “One of my favorite artists.”

“And,” Henry rolls out and carefully moves his hand over yours to slowly interlace his fingers with yours.

You grin and shoot him a smile. “Yes,” you assure him softly. “Good….Now though! I’m curious, are you lying to me about dating other people?” You squint your gaze.

Henry shakes his head. “No, I'm not. But I’m not clueless either, you know.”

You hum, and then rest your head on his shoulder.

He feels stiff for a few seconds, but he slowly relaxes and lets his shoulders fall.

“Now, we talk, like normal,” you let him know and look up to watch the twinkling stars overhead.

“Okay,” Henry whispers. “What’s….what’s your favorite color?”

“Purple,” you share immediately. “But not dark or violet, soft, like a lilac. You?” You ask and lift your eyes to look at him.

Henry looks down and meets your gaze as best as he can. “Red,” he says. “Like just red.”

“Boo,” you laugh. “Think harder, that’s a basic ass answer. I know that’s not it.”

Henry chuckles and draws in a deep breath as he thinks. “Okay,” he breathes out. “Blue…light blue, like the sky.”

You smile sweetly and nudge him gently. “See, I knew it.”

“Okay, now,” Henry proceeds. “I see you have many tattoos, but I’m curious about the one on your back,” he investigates. “The butterfly wings, do they have a meaning?”

Your smile slowly fades, and you have to hold back emotions that threaten to come out. “Yes.” You nod slowly. “My sister. She liked butterflies, I got it because of her so it’s like having her with me.” You glance at your hands and fiddle with his hand. “Do you have any tattoos?”

Henry shakes his head. “No, I don’t think I’m cool enough to get one.”

“You don’t need to be,” you assure him. “You can get one simply because you want one. That’s why I have the ones on my left arm, ‘Kay? And I think you’re cool. Sam thinks you’re cool.”

Henry turns his head and rests his chin on the top of your head. “You’re about the only ones then,” he mumbles. “No one else does.”

You squeeze his hand tighter and whisper, “don’t bother yourself by what others think, that shit, it’s poison. You live like that, you’ll only look at the world black and white.”

Henry lets silence linger for a moment before he asks, “how is it that you always seem to know what to say?”

You scoff. “Half of the time I make shit up.” You smile faintly. “Other times I repeat what I’ve been told by my uncle Tommy, or my mama Maria; she’s truly wise.”

“She your real mom?” He asks.

You shake your head. “No,” you share. “My mom died a long time ago, before all this shit happened…uh, complications after she had me. So, no Maria is my uncle's wife, my aunt. But I’ve known her for a long time now.” You sigh. “After we left Boston, she taught me a lot, like, about being a woman, protection, and the world. She took care of me like I imagine a mom would…” you smile softly at the sky and notice the dark cloud that begins to pass by. Yet you think nothing of the thick cloud and just admire the shining stars not covered by the thickness of the clouds, and stare at them with longing as if Maria’s presence was there.

“She loved me like one would. She’s the only mom I’ve known, so I call her that. Hopefully, you meet her soon. You’ll like her, she can be tough, but she’s good.”

“That’s good,” Henry says. “My mom tried her best, but it got hard. She focused more on keeping me alive soon after the outbreak happened.”

You blink and look away from the sky as his comment reminds you of someone else—it doesn’t sadden you anymore though, not as it once did.

“Yeah, my dad did that too,” you share your truth. “Sometimes he didn’t even feel like my dad….” You pause and want to add more, but in order to not sour the night and bring down the mood, you just leave that as it is and change the topic. “Okay, moving on please so we don’t bring this down. What would have been your dream job in the real world, pre outbreak?”

“Damn,” Henry mumbles. “I don’t know, but I do know that I would have wanted to ride a motorcycle around the country. You know those Harley’s?”

You hum in agreement.

“Well, I would have loved to have one of those and just ride.”

“You still can!” You exclaim excitedly. “I mean I don’t know about a country tour, but you can still have one.”

“Man,” he clicks his tongue. “I hope so. That would be a dream come true….now you, let me guess…you would have wanted to be an actress?”

You grin and gasp softly before you pull away to face him. “Yes!” You agree. “How did you know?”

Henry smirks. “Besides those stories you literally act out at night, you have the face for it.”

You smile wider and try to brush him off. “Are you sweet talkin’ me, Henry?”

He scoffs and shrugs smugly. “Maybe.”

You sit up and shoot him a smile as you slowly stretch your hands out. “I would’ve been a star, I know it.” You lean down close to him, and unknowingly make him nervously catch his breath as you hover him. “You would have seen me on your tv Henry Burrell.” You smirk.

Henry lets out a shaky breath, but composes himself and musters a soft smile, and knows how to sweet talk you. “I don’t doubt it.”

Your smile softens, and you slowly tilt your head to the side to glance at his plump lips before meeting his gaze again.

Many people have told you the same thing, they assure you that you would have been something if the outbreak hadn’t happened. But most of those comments are just that, comments, they’re meaningless. Coming from Henry though, hearing him say it makes you completely confident about a future you could never have. He makes you giddy about it, confident and flustered.

Maybe you’re a hopeless romantic, it’s been said, but you don’t have the luxury of time.

He knows that, he knows that holding back brings nothing good but regret so before you can move away, he leans forward and presses a kiss on your lips.

Albeit before you can savor the taste of his lips he pulls back. “I’m sorry,” he mutters out.

You shoot him a sweet grin before you lean down and crash your lips against his to reassure him that it’s fine, that he had nothing to apologize for. You pull him in and he’s caught off guard, he seems shocked a bit, but he doesn’t pull away, he sits up instead.

Henry’s careful, gentle with his kiss. You’re the one that guides him, that leads him on, but you’re not rough, you savor the sweet taste and make sure to mentally jot down every spark that you feel bounce out, every flutter your heart does. You memorize the sweet bliss that fills you.

When you eventually pull away you remain close, you don’t speak, you bask in the silence for a moment. He watches you with a sweet smile and a soft gaze, the softest gaze that you’ve noticed anyone look at you. So much so that it actually confuses you.

“What?” You probe.

Henry shakes his head.

You hum and provide silence.

Alas, it’s in that same silence that follows that lets you begin to feel droplets of water fall on your head.

When you both look up you see a thick, and much darker cloud covering the sky above. And soon those few drops turn to pouring rain.

“Damn,” Henry mutters under his breath.

You both look down and meet each other's gaze. And as you do, you both burst into laughter at the inconvenience of the pouring rain, and at the fact that you were so distracted with one another that you didn’t notice that it loomed so close. Overall you just laugh at the simplicity that was the rain interrupting your date.

“Come on,” you urge him and grab his hand. “The tree house is empty right now, let’s go up there.”

Henry grabs the bottle of water, and you grab your Walkman before you pull him up, and guide him there in a run.

However, it’s once you’re in that treehouse, as you go back to kissing one another that you catch the sound of distant rumbling. You wouldn't have cared about it, but the rumbling doesn’t come from the sky, so you pull away from Henry and crawl to the window, spotting there in the treeline multiple bright lights, headlights.

“Fuck,” Henry mutters sharply. “Fuck!”

That bliss you once felt is now quickly replaced with racing fear.

“It’s Kathleen,” Henry reveals the name of the rebel group that he said took down FEDRA, the group after him and the others he’s with.

“Go,” he whispers at you as he turns to face you with panic. “Leave!” He yells.

You shake your head without hesitance. “No,” you mumble. “No. I’m staying with you. Come on.” You shove your earphones in your pocket, and hook your walkman on the beltline of your pants before you quickly rush out of the treehouse, leaving Henry in slight disbelief that you didn’t leave now that your leg is healed. You should've, he thought, yet he's glad you didn’t.

——

*A DAY LATER*

“Kansas City belongs to the people!”

Flares light the sky. Chanting, yells, and gunshots fills the air carelessly as if the entire fucking world was liberated of danger and oppression; it’s only a city, and there’s still infected that lurk outside, stragglers that can still cause damage.

“Collaborators, surrender now, and you will receive a fair trial.”

Bullshit…

“We have control of the QZ and the open city. Anyone caught hiding will face charges of counter-revolutionary activities. Kansas City belongs to the people….” The announcer trails off and the current street you’re hiding on is silent again. Finally.

“Look at me, not at that,” you hear Henry whisper. And when you look over you see him communicating with Sam now that this was your next opening to run. “We’re almost there. To more blocks…” he turns and meets your gaze too. “Two more blocks,” he repeats so you can hear.

You nod in comprehension, and see him look back at Sam.

“Stay with me,” Henry continues to whisper softly for you as he signs for Sam. “Y/N, will be behind us.”

The boy's gleaming eyes drift to you to ask for reassurance once more, just like he’s asked all day since you’ve been running.

And it’s true, you were scared yourself, but for him you act confident, to see him at least lose a flicker of fear. “We’ll be okay.” You sign, and smile through your exhaustion. “I’m a wicked shot,” you whisper and let Henry sign that.

Sam looks back at you and sighs before nodding in comprehension.

“Ready?” Henry asks you.

You keep on your brave and confident face and nod. That lets Henry grab Sam’s hand once again to then bolt on ahead. You follow right behind their tail, with a hand on your rifle in case there’s suddenly a surprise.

Luckily though, you make it to the building some old man had told Henry about without any surprises. It was supposedly clear from any of the rebels too, so once that door closed and that lock clicked, and your flashlights lit the room, you were able to let your hand fall from your rifle.

“We’re going up,” Henry signs and whispers.

Sam nods. And you don’t need to say anything for Henry to know you understand, so he’s able to tell Sam to turn on his flash before they both slowly go ahead and you follow to watch their back.

Once you make it to the top, once Henry opens the door and reveals some storage room that old man doesn’t seem to be here.

Or at least that’s what you thought, because some old man suddenly jumps out from behind an old cabinet with his flash and gun pointed at the three of you, causing Henry to stop Sam and you in your tracks to point his gun right back at the man. Whilst you pull out your rifle and outgun the man.

However, given by the sound of their sighs, and the fact that they’re lowering their guns, this is the man Henry saw.

“It’s okay, Y/N,” Henry says and looks back at you. “It’s okay, you can put the gun down.”

You glance at the old man with his gun lowered and hesitate for a second before you hang the rifle back around your shoulder.

“It’s up here,” the old man says and turns to pull down some hatch. “Climb up on this,” he says and taps the cabinet and some box.

You’re sort of unsure to climb up since it looks so eerie up there, but Henry doesn’t second guess the man and hands you the green bag of supplies so he can climb up first. He then helps Sam up without hesitation, so it must be safe…

“Go on, I can help with the bag,” the old man tells you, but you still can't be assured of your safety nor do you trust him like Henry does, so you clutch onto the bag and offer him a faint tightlipped smile as you shake your head.

“It’s alright,” you mutter and then climb up on the cabinet and box. “I got it.” You pull off the strap and hand the bag to Henry first before you grab only the edge and pull yourself up.

“You got it?” Henry asks you as he turns away from the bag he sat down to try and help you.

Yet you manage to get in all by yourself just fine. “Yeah,” you assure him. “I got it.”

Henry puts his hand on your back as you stand up regardless, and helps you to your feet, letting the old man come in last without help.

“You sure they don’t know about this?” Henry asks the old man, while you proceed to set your backpack down to pull off that damned weight. However, you keep your rifle on you, you just pull it off your shoulder to raise it and point your scoop at the gaps that are on the cardboards covering the windows, just to make sure that the street is clear.

“I got it from a FEDRA officer,” the old man says as he turns on the lamp hanging from a pillar. “Patient.”

You lower the gun and walk to the window Sam is sitting under to check through that one too.

“…owed me a favor,” the man continues, whilst you hear Henry put down the cans of food you had managed to throw in. “He said he found it himself, never told anyone about it.”

“What if they got to him?” Henry cuts in, making your curiosity grow as well. So you lower the gun and look over at both men to wait for the answer.

“They already did,” the old man deadpans . “He won’t be talking.”

It’s good to hear, but still not so assuring. Albeit you don't show your fear, not with Sam right by you, he’s already terrified, he looks even more so up here. So instead you put your gun down and tap his shoe with yours to try and assure him with a small smile, and a sign.

“Clear. We’ll be okay.”

Sam swallows thickly and slowly lowers his shoulders, but doesn’t completely untense.

“Hey,” you sign and then tap your firefly pendant.

Sam slowly reaches for the one you gave him and holds it in his hand tightly.

“Clear outside?” He signs his questions.

You nod, and exhale out deeply to release some stress so he can mirror your actions. And this time instead of remaining tense, Sam unzips his jacket to pull out his board.

You watch him for a second longer and notice he keeps grabbing the pendant as he begins to draw.

“Y/N?” Henry calls your name and draws your attention back to them. “How are you on bullets?”

You walk towards the pair and hum before giving your answer. “3 on my rifle, and 4 on my pistol. Not enough, but good nonetheless.”

Henry sighs and nods. “Good.”

“Mines empty,” the man says and puts his gun away.

“Yeah, so is mine,” Henry reveals his status.

“We weren’t shooting our way outta this anyway,” the man adds hopelessly.

“No,” Henry interjects. “So we’ll sneak our way out.”

You rest your hand on your hip and watch him count the cans you have.

“How?” The man probes.

“Tunnels,” Henry shares.

“Tunnels? Why go to the trouble? You can kill yourself right here.” The man comments.

You scoff and snap back. “It’s either that or we die up here. I won’t let that happen, we won’t. Infected aren’t smart, we will find a way out.”

The man glances at you and keeps quiet.

“Twenty two cans, and six pounds of jerky for the four of us,” Henry shares now that he’s done counting. “If we stick to the minimum. I think we can make it 11 days? So that’s how long we have to figure it out.”

Not good, but it’s enough.

“Is he scared?” The man refers to Sam still in the corner drawing and holding the pendant.

“Yeah,” Henry says. “Well, he’s seen a lot. Nothin’ I can do about that now.”

First, you all witness some of the people you were with get shot. Then you get separated from the group whilst you were running from those after you. And lastly the horror the city holds. Who wouldn't be scared?

“He’s scared because you’re scared,” the old man says correctly. That makes Henry stop what he’s doing to look at his brother for a moment before he walks over to him.

You let him have his time with Sam, and instead finally take a moment to finally sit after running all damn day.

“How good are you with that rifle?” The man asks you.

You glance down at the cans of food and shrug. “My uncle taught me, he was in the military before the outbreak, so I like to say I’m a good shot.”

The man slowly sits down too, and when you glance at him you see him nodding in comprehension.

“That’s good,” he whispers. “We’ll probably need that.”

You hum and look back at Henry and Sam, and catch them both drawing on the walls now.

It’s a simple thing just to pass the time, to make Sam happy and fully relaxed. Besides, seeing him like that makes Henry happy and relaxed. And seeing that they can both find a bit of happiness in this wooden cage, that Henry isn’t strict and just focuses on teaching Sam how to survive, makes you smile and watch him with admiration.

It’s good that he’s a brother and a father to Sam, he needs that….

You grin softly.

Henry seems to feel your stare as you get lost watching them and looks back, catching your gaze.

You offer him a small smile and look away right after, even if that won’t erase the fact that he had caught you staring at him. He also then proceeds to join you on the floor nonetheless, and taps your leg with his foot. “How’s your leg?” He asks.

You drag your feet up against your chest. “Fine,” you assure him and slide your eyes back at him. “It doesn’t hurt anymore thank god. There’s just a scar left.” You hug your knees and rest your chin on your knee caps. “How are you feeling, Henry?”

Henry sighs. “Besides tired….” He hesitates and averts his gaze. “Guilty.”

You slowly furrow your eyebrows in confusion and probe. “Why?”

Henry lets out a deep sigh and drifts his eyes to you. “I dragged you into this, into my problem. You could’ve been on your way home now.”

You lift your head off your chin and shake it as you reach for his hand in his pocket to hold it in yours. “No,” you argue and lean in close to him. “No, I choose to follow you. I told you I’m sticking with you and Sam. We’re going home together.”

Henry licks his lips and shakes his head. “You don’t know what I’ve done, y/n,” he rebuttals. “I’m not a good guy.”

“And you think I’m a good person?” You spat. “I know what you did, Jace told me…”

Henry scoffs at the mention of his friend's big mouth, but let’s you continue.

“You saved your brother. He was sick and you saved him, you—”

“And I got a good man killed in the process, y/n,” he cuts you off sharply since you don’t want to blame him like he blames himself. “That makes me a bad guy. I am a bad guy. And now I have you here, hiding, surviving off scraps. Can't you see?”

You blink, and let out a shaky breath before you slide your legs down to turn around and sit on your knees to face him. “Henry, listen to me,” you say softly and pull his hand out to cup it with both hands.

“I’ve seen bad people, I’ve looked into the eyes of bad people. I’ve been a bad person, a truly bad person. So I know. And Henry,” you say softly. “When I look at you, I don’t even see a flicker of that….” Your voice breaks. “You have got a good heart, I can tell, I have sense for that stuff.” You laugh softly. “You’re good, Henry. Sam sees that, he knows that. I know that.”

Henry lets out a deep shaky sigh, and drops his gleaming gaze. He keeps his hand in yours though, and then lifts his other hand to cup yours.

“You’re not a bad person either, you know that,” he tells you softly and lifts his gaze to meet yours. “You’re a survivor. A real one.” He lets your hand go and instead lifts it to let it hover your cheek. As if he’s hesitant about grabbing your face out of fear that he was stepping out his boundaries.

“A bad person wouldn’t be stuck here,” he continues. “A bad person wouldn't have helped. A bad person wouldn’t be as…optimistic as you are,” he grins softly, making your smile wobble. “Even after getting stabbed. I could say a hundred more things already to prove you wrong and I’ve only known you a short while. Sam,” he points back to the boy busying coloring. “Could say a thousand more.”

You scoff softly and lean your cheek against his hand, making him stiffen for a second before he begins to very slowly caress your cheek.

“Is that alright?” He asks and leans in closer to read you too. “It’s not….too fast?”

You shake your head. “No,” you assure him. “It’s fine. I like it.”

Henry's smile widens and he proceeds to let his gaze linger on you for a moment longer before he mutters. “Thank you.”

You drop your gaze and smile at the ground. “This was supposed to be about you,” you mutter.

“It’s okay,” he says with a hint of smugness. “I like talking about you.”

You giggle and shake your head.

——

*10 DAYS LATER*

The room is quiet, deafening so. Nothing compared to the loud nightmares haunting you.

The air is chilly, and your clothes are cold. As your eyes focus on the painted room you see it’s basked by darkness; no lamp—well there is light, but it’s a dim and cold light, and it comes in from the small holes on the cardboards.

Did you really not sleep at all? It doesn’t feel that way, but it’s dark so probably not.

You sit up and stretch out your arms, feeling them slightly sore from sleeping on the hard ground. You rub your face to get rid of all the crap on your face as best as you can with just the heels of your palms since you don’t have water to splash on your face.

When you put your arms down, and look back you catch Henry’s stare, and a faint smile he musters.

“Hey,” he whispers.

You turn yourself around to face him, and notice Sam sleeping on his other side.

“How you feeling?” Henry asks.

You let out a long breath through your nose whilst you shrug. “Sore,” you croak. “I miss my bed.”

Henry scoffs softly and leans forward to pick up a can of food. “Here,” he says and hands you the can of food. “We saved you some.”

You hesitantly grab it and blink in confusion. “You guys ate?” You ask with your eyebrows knitted together. “Again?”

Henry rests arm back on his knee and his smile turns to a smirk. “I…uh, let you sleep in for the day.”

An entire day?

You put the can down and lose your confusion to stare at him with annoyance and disbelief. “We have…” you pause and shake your head. “We have a schedule, Henry,” you argue. “I sleep at night and you sleep in the morning. That’s not fair.”

Henry looks down and shrugs softly. “It is because I don’t care, it doesn’t bother me. Besides, you seemed at peace so Sam and I let you sleep in.”

The thought behind it fills you with joy, and it makes your heart flutter, but it’s still…it’s still not fair for him.

“What about the old man?” You quip since he’s not here anymore.

Henry slowly lifts his eyes and his smile fades. “He hasn’t come back,” he shares. “He probably…got caught.”

You blink and lose your attitude as you’re now filled with slight guilt.

“That means that can is the last bit of food we have,” Henry continues and points to said object by you. “Until we leave.”

You look at the can of food and push it to him. “Leave it for Sam.” You tell him.

Henry quickly pushes it back to you and counters you. “No, we ate already. You haven’t since yesterday. You need it.”

Your stomach grumbles at the reminder of that fact, and you hesitantly take the can without any more fuss.

“We’re on our own now,” Henry whispers. “Which means…you can go y/n. I don’t want to hold you back, you have family waiting for you back in Wyoming, I want you to see them. Being here with us…I can’t guarantee you will.”

You snap your gaze up to him and shoot him a pointed glare. “Why do you keep saying that to me, huh?” You snap. “Like if I’m actually gonna take your word and just leave you guys behind.” You put the can of food to the side and lean into him.

Henry rolls his eyes down and sighs deeply at your stubbornness.

“Henry,” you insist and snatch his hand off his knee to hold it in yours. “It’s not just me anymore, it’s us. We’re going to Wyoming together, okay? We’re going to Jackson. We’re gonna go home, we’re gonna sleep on a bed.” You muster a small smile. “You’re gonna meet pretty girls….”

“Pft.” He breathes out and shakes his head with a small smile.

“We’re gonna eat a delicious sandwich from the bar, you’re gonna meet my uncle, and my momma. Sam is going to school, have friends. We’re going home.” You assure him sweetly.

Henry blinks, and meets your eyes with a soft gaze and a sweet smile that you like to see on him. He proceeds to cup your cheek and pull you in closer to him.

“Only girl I need is you,” he sweet talks you.

You scoff and roll your eyes, making him chuckle quietly so as to not wake up Sam, before he pulls you in for a deep kiss that you both linger in. That you both want to take further, but restrain yourselves and pull away and keep your foreheads against each other.

“Thank you,” he whispers against your lips. He never stops telling you that.

Albeit now you don’t tell him to take it back like before, you let him say it and relish in the silence before you press a kiss against his lips and smile. “Go to sleep,” you tell him. “I’ll keep watch here.”

Henry hums and pulls back to pick up the can of food. “I sleep, you eat.”

You scoff and nod slowly as you take the can from his hand.

Before you eat though, you go down and go to the bathroom, Henry goes down with you to keep watch. And once you get back upstairs, Henry is quick to fall asleep, letting you eat and watch him and Sam in the silence of the room that was only accompanied by the sound of their soft snores.

Or at least it was quiet for a while until Sam woke up.

“You okay?” You sign your question.

Sam yawns and nods. “Yes,” he answers. “I just had a bad dream.”

You put the empty can down and offer him a sweet smile. “Want to talk about it?” You ask him.

Henry hesitates before he shakes his head. “It wasn’t bad,” he signs back to assure you. “I'll be okay.”

You smile wider and nod. “Good,” you sign. “Now. Back to sleep then.”

Sam puts his finger up and turns around to look for something real quick. You drag your leg up, and rest your chin on your knee as you wait for him.

Once he turns back around he grins as he lifts a piece of cardboard that has three people drawn on it.

“I drew this,” he signs. “Today while you slept.”

You scoff and point your head to the drawing. “Tell me about it then.” You press him.

Sam smirks proudly and points to a small masked hero with a cape on it. “Me,” he signs and then drags his finger to another masked hero, this one albeit is taller than he was. “Henry,” he shares and then drags his finger to the last person; one with butterfly wings, eyes like yours, and half of the face covered by a black mask. “You,” he reveals, and smiles shyly.

You beam at him and probe with obvious excitement. “Really? Wow. What are my powers?”

Sam puts the drawing down and doesn’t fret explain what you ask for. “Flight because you have butterfly wings drawn on your back. And you can make shields like The Invisible Woman, because you are brave…”

Your smile softens at his explanation and you’re actually very touched by how much thought he put into it.

“And super strength because you are strong.”

You sigh softly and grab at your chest. “I love it so much” you sign back quickly. “Thank you. Thank you.”

Sam's smile turns timid, and he drops his head to hide his fluster.

As much as you do enjoy his company, and feel touched by his drawing, you do want him to sleep for a little while longer.

However, before you can tell him he snaps his head up and beats you to signing. “Will you tell me a story?” He asks.

You let out a deep exhale and first put a but. “And then you will sleep.” You insist.

Sam nods quickly.

“Okay,” you give in. “Let’s do it.”

——

*THE NEXT DAY*

As Henry wakes Sam up, you pack up what you can and what you have left, which isn’t a lot. A lot of Sam's crayons are wasted since he's been giving the blank attic some well deserved color. The food is gone so the green bag is mostly empty. And everything else you have goes in your own packs, so maybe you should be at least thankful that you don’t have to carry so much weight at the moment.

“Y/N,” Henry calls out.

You hum and look back at him with a questioning look.

“Can you pass me the red paint?”

You glance at Sam and notice that he has his eyes closed. You want to ask about it, but you just choose to wait and hand Henry what he asked for first.

“Watch,” Henry says to you and wraps cloth around his fingers to dip that in the red paint a bit before he leans towards Sam, and paints a thick red stripe over his eyes that makes it look like he has a mask on. Like the ones he paints on his hero’s.

“Wow,” you sign when he opens his eyes. “You look very cool.”

Sam smiles, and Henry pulls out his knife to let Sam see his reflection on the metal.

And once he does he grins and nods in appreciation. “Now,” Sam signs to you as Henry puts his knife away. “I have my mask on, like you have your wings.”

You grin and nod. “Yes!” You sign and lift your eyebrows to show your excitement, whilst you pick up your backpack off the ground since all you needed was for him to wake up so you could leave. “Exactly! We are cool now.”

Henry turns back around and helps Sam put on his jacket, while you grab his backpack off the ground.

“Now,” Sam tells you after he has his jacket on and his brother is turned away grabbing his own things. “Henry needs something too.” He stands up to his feet, and you hand him his backpack.

“We will have to think about what to give him,” you tell Sam as you strap your rifle on your shoulder.

Sam nods in agreement and drifts his eyes to Henry slowly trying to slowly open the door.

After making sure that the ghost is clear, you all proceed to climb out, and carefully walk down the stairs to reach the door that you had once walked through 11 days ago.

However, before you can walk out, even if Henry and you learned the patterns of the group, he puts a table against the door to climb on it and peek through the window over the door to check if the ghost is clear outside.

For inside you can hear nothing echoing in the distance; no shouts, running engines or distant gunshots, but you still wait cautiously, and watch Henry turn away from the window first before you can act.

“It’s okay,” Henry signs to Sam and you as he jumps down.

Just like you assumed.

However, even if Sam got the okay, he worries and questions his brother. “You don’t hear anything?”

Henry shakes his head and reaches over to push the table away. Albeit just as you take a step over to help him, tires suddenly screech, causing Henry to stop, and for you to do the same but grab Sam’s shoulder to hold him still.

Sam then turns to question what had made Henry and you stop, but tires screech again and a crash follows to sound, causing you to jump and cover your ears. Henry, though, grabs Sam, and your arm to pull you both down with him.

Sam signs something to both Henry and you, but you keep your eyes focused on the door as gunshots begin to go off. You remain frozen out of fear in the same spot Henry had pulled you down to, and don’t react or stand up until Henry gets back up on the table to peek through the window.

“Henry,” you call out and sign so Sam understands what you’re saying. “Stay down.”

“Let me just check,” he rebuttals.

You grab Sam’s hand and pull him with you as you take a step closer to Henry.

Another gunshot proceeds to go off though, making Henry duck, and Sam to tighten his hold around your hand as he watches his brother's reaction. And just as Henry slowly lifts his head again, you turn to face Sam.

“We will be okay, it sounds to be happening across the street,” you let Sam know. “Gunshots, but not a lot. Maybe a fight.”

Another gunshot goes off, and your shoulders jump, but you try to remain collected in front of Sam.

“Another gunshot?” Sam asks since he sees your reactions.

You nod and let him know, “Just one.” You turn to ask Henry what’s going on, but he suddenly ducks for a few seconds before he lifts back up one more time. After a few seconds he finally decides to jump back down as it goes quiet.

“What's going on now?” Sam asks Henry before you can.

Henry glances at you with a frown and shares his slight fear, before returning his gaze to his brother and looking nonchalant so Sam won’t worry as much.

“New plan,” Henry shares with the both of you. “We follow this man that just killed one of the rebels.” He explains making you feel shocked over that fact. “I know the streets, and even if we have you, y/n, we can possibly work together with this man.” He keeps his eyes locked on you to ask for reassurance, to wait if you’d argue, but you trust him and agree with a nod.

“We have to get out before more of the resistance comes over. Ready?” He asks Sam and you.

“Yes,” you sign and say, earning Henry’s attention. “I’m with you.”

Henry’s lips lift slightly before he gives you a thankful nod.

And just like Henry had mentioned, those same loud ass cars come soon, you can hear their loud rumbling engines, they make a commotion about one of their own dying and finding the people who did it; Albeit Henry did say it was only one old man. Nevertheless, by the time you imagine they get to searching the nearby places for that guilty man, you’re already out of the building, following that man you can’t see but Henry can.

Yet, it’s because of that same search that you have to be even more cautious like before. You have to hide in alleys, and take long pauses to wait for cars to roll by before continuing after the man.

Night comes, and you finally enter a building, but, you end up having to follow the fucking old man thirty something floors up the damn building. It’s safe sure, but so fucking high up after running all day.

Furthermore, as you’re walking to the room at the end of the hall, just as you’re about to reach the room, glass crunches under your feet, making Henry and you halt immediately, and for the both of you to stop quickly Sam too.

“Noisy?” Sam asks both Henry and you.

Henry agrees and answers. “Noisy.”

You pull your rifle strap off your shoulder, and watch Henry pull out a gun before grabbing Sam’s full attention. “Remember what to do?” He asks Sam.

Sam makes a gun sign and points to the door. Henry nods and then hands Sam the gun. And since it’s probably a bit heavy Sam lowers his hands, making Henry secure the boys hold around the weapon before looking up at you now.

“Y/N,” he signs and doesn’t speak for safety. “Stay here. If anyone comes in, jump them. Or if shit goes down in there and you hear gunshots, go in and surprise them for us. If you hear nothing then I’ll call you.”

You’re hesitant to obey, you want to go with him. But…after being stuck together in the attic for 11 days you trust him with your life, more than anyone. So you listen to his plan.

“Okay,” you assure him. “I will wait, but…” you pause and pull out your pistol from your holster. “Use mine. I have bullets, you don’t. I can’t have you go in unprotected.”

Henry glances at your weapon and seems hesitant to take it for a moment, but he has no choice but to trade guns.

“You know how to use it, yes?” You manage a joke.

Henry rolls his eyes and grabs Sam to walk ahead, leaving you to stand back and wait. Wait and listen.

Wait some more even when you catch someone else's voice inside; a young girl's not an old man yelling out the same name as your own fathers.

“Eyes on me,” you hear Henry command. “Eyes on me. You don’t have to worry about what to say. We don’t want to hurt you. We wanna help you.”

So they seem good?

Hm. You push yourself away from the wall and step in the middle of the hall, you try to get a view inside the room Henry and Sam had gone into, but it’s too dark. All you can go off of is Henry’s voice, which you can detect a hint of nervousness by the way.

“Okay,” a second voice says; an oddly familiar, deep and deadpanned one.

“Okay, uh,” Henry proceeds shakily, “I don’t know what the next step is with something like this…”

Oh sweet, sweet Henry.

You should’ve gone in his place instead.

“….but if I lower my gun, we didn’t hurt you, so you don’t hurt us, right?” He continues, providing a long pause that makes you lift your rifle and take one step forward.

“That’s right,” the manly voice responds in a deadpanned way. Which is funny because it actually sounds like your dad too.

“That’s a weird fuckin’ tone, man,” Henry snaps out nervously.

“That's just the way he sounds,” the young girl interjects quickly. “He has an asshole voice. Joel, tell him he’s okay.”

“Everything is great.”

Obviously not. But Henry doesn’t yell out for you, so you trust him and stay put.

“Dude.”

“Fuck!” Henry swears, making you look down at glass littered on the floor to step on the gaps that are clean—“okay. Listen,” Henry continues. “I’m gonna trust you.” Silence follows and you imagine he’s taking this time to communicate with Sam or think some more.

“But if either of you guys try anything,” Henry then exclaims. “Yeah? We also have someone else with us, she’s strong, so don’t try anything. Yeah?”

There’s a murmur you can’t make out before that manly voice speaks again. “Can I sit up?”

“Slow,” Henry says. “Get up slow. Y/N come on in…it’s okay!”

That’s your cue.

You only lower your gun a bit, but keep your hands tightly secured around your weapon as you slowly walk to the door.

“Who are you?” The man asks Henry now.

“My name is Henry. That’s my brother, Sam. I’m the most wanted man in Kansas City,” Henry’s voice gets louder the closer you approach the room. “Although, right now my guess is you’re running a close second.”

You reach the door and slowly push it open, announcing your presence to the others in the room. Yet as you step in the first person you focus on is Sam since he’s closer to the door. You’re about to ask if he’s okay, but you see the man behind him and slowly drag your eyes up to identify him.

And as soon as you land your eyes on his face, you freeze and gasp as you recognize his dark eyes, that face that has more wrinkles on it than before. You recognize his face even if it’s been years since you last saw him. After all, you could never forget how he looks, even with the anger you hold for him. You could never forget him, your dad.

“Oh my god,” you murmur and drop your gun as you keep your eyes on him, as you watch him slowly lose that furrowed brow, that look of nonchalance. You watch him grow disbelieved, or at least that’s what you want to think.

“Daddy?” You call out and stride over to him, whilst he walks over to you slowly as if he can’t believe what he’s seeing, as if he’s trying to debate if you’re some vision or not. “Daddy,” you murmur as you stand before him. “It’s me, It’s—”

Before you can finish your sentence he wraps you in embrace, he wraps an arm around your back, and slides his other hand to hold the back of your head. While you stay stiff in his arms.

“I know,” he murmurs against your ear. “I know baby, I know.” His voice is soft, not like it was a few minutes ago. He’s warm, and under the sweat you still recognize his own scent, it fills you with nostalgia and joy. It makes you hug him back and close your eyes to bask in the relief and safety you’re hit with in his arms.

“Let me look at you,” he whispers and pulls back to grab your face and study you. Study you after years of not seeing you. “Look at you….” He smiles softly and wipes away the tears on your cheeks that had broken out. “You’re all grown up. You’re so beautiful.”

You notice his graying hair. You see the exhaustion in his eyes, and the relief.

“What’s going on?” You hear the girl ask, but you don’t look at her or think further about her presence, all you can focus on is the man before you, and the fact that as of now that anger you held so close in your heart begins to wash away.

“Look at you,” you redirect with a wobbly grin. “You wear diapers yet?”

He scoffs softly. “I’m getting there.”

You laugh softly and linger in front of him for a second longer before you both hug each other again, before you cling onto his neck like you would when you were a little girl, when you’d greet him home from work, when he’d carry you after you woke up, or simply when you just needed his embrace. You cling onto him with fear he’d disappear.

So now, no one in the room could deny your connection.

“Oh baby girl,” he whispers.

You cry softly and nuzzle your head in the crook of his neck. You stay in the embrace for a few more moments, and he doesn’t try to pull away until you do to face Henry and Sam, and explain what they’re witnessing.

“This is my dad,” you sign and say out loud.

Sam blinks and looks at your dad by you, and then nods in comprehension, whilst Henry looks a bit disbelieved by the fact.

“Uh, sorry for the…gun,” Henry adds anyway.

“Dad,” you say and turn to look at him, “that’s Sam,” you point to the boy. “And that’s Henry….” You glance at the man and smile softly. “My partner.”

Henry meets your gaze and mirrors your gesture.

“Ellie,” the girl interjects and steps towards you to offer you her hand.

You snap your gaze to the small girl and quickly look at her up and down—brown hair, pale face, brown eyes. She can be his kid. Albeit she looks a bit too old to actually be his kid without you knowing about it. Then again it has been some time…so there’s a possibility….

“Y/N,” you share, and offer her a feigned smile as you take her hand so as to not be cold.

You then pull your hand away and think that she can be Tess’s kid with your dad, the girl kind of has a resemblance to Tess. However, you don’t see Tess here. Weren’t she and your dad inseparable?

You don’t ask about her though, even if you are curious.

“What are you doing here?” Your dad cuts in, letting you look at him. “You’re supposed to be in Wyoming.”

You sigh and nod. “It’s a long story, really. I’m sure I can share later.” You turn and head over to the gun you had dropped in front of the door. “What are you doing here though? It’s a long way from Boston.”

You hear your dad sigh. “It’s a long story,” he counters, making you scoff in amusement. “I’ll tell ya later. You talk to your uncle Tommy recently?”

You pick up your gun and hang it back around your shoulder. “No I haven't been able to,” you share and turn back around to face your dad. “I haven’t come across a radio in some time. Have you?”

Your dad swallows thickly before he shakes his head. “No,” he says, and you actually begin to worry by the hesitance in his tone.

Yet you don’t investigate further, leaving the room quiet, even if there was so much unsaid between you and your dad.

“Anyone hungry?” Ellie breaks silence.

You snap your eyes to her and nod for Sam and Henry. “Starving actually. You guys have some spare food? We’ve been on the run from the rebels outside, so it’s been a hard couple of days.”

“Yes,” your dad nods.

You offer him a thankful smile and then turn to Sam. “They have some food,” you let him know.

Sam smiles in relief.

“Why don't we set up shop, hm?” You say and break away from your spot to grab a lamp off some desk. “It’s crazy it’s been you this entire day,” you direct to your dad. “If I would’ve known we could’ve reunited earlier.”

The question about who Ellie is to him really kills you, but you keep holding back to avoid hearing what he’d say, what you were afraid he’d say.

“Well only if I knew you were here,” he quips in that same deadpanned voice.

You hum and turn to set the lamp down in between the cushions on the floor.

The girl sits down first and begins to rummage through her bag, while Sam and Henry sit across from her.

“I just got to Kansas City like maybe what,” you explain as you turn on the white lamp, providing at least some sort of light to an otherwise dark room. “Almost 2 months ago, or so.” You sit down across from your dad and meet his gaze. “I wasn’t planning to stay, but well,” you sigh. “Shit went down and I had no choice. That's when I met Henry and Sam.”

Ellie passes your dad something wrapped in paper, and as he opens it and reveals food, he looks over at you again. “Where were you coming from?” He asks and hands you some food that you pass to Sam first.

“Well,” you murmur and drop your gaze knowing he wouldn't like your answer. “A…” you hesitate and scoff. “Countrywide adventure to tell the truth.” You drift your eyes up, catching him stopping his hand midway as he’s about to hand you some more food. He narrows his eyes on you and shakes his head.

“Y/N—”

“Daddy,” you cut him off. “You can't be mad, I’m on my way home.”

A wave of emotions pass, and you swear you can even see a hint of sadness pass, but it doesn’t linger too long for you to confirm it.

“You could’ve gotten yourself killed,” he mutters and hands you a piece of food you hand to Henry. “I can’t believe your uncle Tommy let you leave.”

You scoff and shrug off your back pack, and put down your gun to grab your food now. “I was 22 when I left, I was grown. And he trusted me.”

Your dad blinks and looks at his own piece of food as he swallows thickly again.

“Why did you leave?” Ellie interjects.

You smirk and share your truth. “Prove to myself that I can survive.”

Ellie begins to slowly smirk. “Cool,” she says.

And it might or might not be a choice fueled by your dad, or really his past behavior.

“Where did you get these?” Henry interjects and changes the subject.

“From Bill,” Ellie answers. “He’s dead.”

Oh. Okay.

Silence passes, and your dad takes this time to hand Sam some more food.

And as soon as the boy gets it he taps your arm so you’ll look at him and what he signs.

“Yeah,” you assure him. “I’ll tell him.” You look to your dad and share what Sam told you. “He says thank you.”

“I’m guessing you don’t have much,” Henry adds. “So, this means a lot.”

You hum in agreement.

“How old is he?” Ellie asks.

Henry turns to Sam and shares what Ellie had asked him, making Sam answer.

“He’s eight,” Henry shares for Sam.

Ellie nods and smiles. “Cool. I’m Ellie.”

Henry once again communicates with Sam, causing Sam to look over at the girl and sign cool as he nods.

Silence then proceeds to fall again, but now you catch Ellie hit your dads leg to encourage him to introduce himself now, making you be more assured by the fact that she could be his kid. One he didn’t tell anyone about, not even you…

“I’m Joel,” your dad adds bluntly. “Look, you ate, we didn’t kill each other, let’s call this a win-win and move on.” He glances at you towards the end of his conversation, seeking you to speak.

Yet you don’t, you let Henry do so

“Well, I’m betting that y’all came up here to get a view of the city and plan a way out. And when the suns up, we’ll show you one.” Henry glances at you at the end, so you share an assuring look.

“There isn’t a lot we can see right now,” you add and look to your dad. “It’s dark. Once the sun goes up we can…” you pause and sigh. “Talk more. As of now if you guys want to sleep, go ahead. Henry and I can keep watch.”

“No,” Henry cuts you off. “You’ve been up all day, I can stay awake, Sam and you can get some sleep.”

You meet Henry’s gaze and come up with another option since you know your father wouldn’t be so open to that idea. And well you do want to talk to your dad too, someone you haven’t seen in years and suddenly appears here, Kansas City of all places.

“You sleep,” you direct at Henry. “I’ll…stay up with my dad, there’s things we need to talk about anyway.” You look over at said man, and meet his dark gaze.

And without adding much, your dad hums in agreement, making you smile softly.

“So,” you roll out and look down at Sam next to you. “You,” you point and begin to sign and speak quietly. “Need sleep.”

Sam rolls his eyes, but nods slowly. However, before he can stand up to find some corner, he adds one thing. “I decided what I want to have in Wyoming.”

You grow curious and probe.

“A giraffe,” he shares, making you grin.

“A giraffe,” you repeat. “Man,” you chuckle as you sign to him. “I don’t know how I’ll fit a giraffe in the backyard.”

“You said,” he argues. “Any pet.”

You sigh and drop your shoulders to try and pursue him to another option. “How about a goat, or,” you snap your fingers as the idea comes to mind. “A dog? A Cat?”

Sam shakes his head and looks at Henry and then at you to repeat himself. “A giraffe.”

You sigh in defeat, and nod your head. “Fine, fine, you twisted my arm, I will see what I can do, how about that?” You ask with a soft smile, in that moment missing how Henry was watching you; like he’s never seen something so beautiful in his life.

Albeit, you might not have noticed but your dad does. Your dad saw how you had just talked to Sam, so sweet and caring even through all this crap. So maybe he was right in leaving you with your uncle Tommy.

In the years before he left though, you were somewhat the same, you liked to see the good out of the bad even as young as you were, even as scared of the new world as you were. He doesn’t know how you did, where you got that from, but he knows that if you were stuck with him all your life, you wouldn't have stayed yourself. As you were before this outbreak, so, it’s good that you hadn’t been together until now.

“Are you sure?” Henry double checks as Sam walks away from the group.

You nod. “Yeah. I’m sure,” you assure him. “Go, get some sleep.”

Henry hesitates for a moment before he follows after his brother, leaving Ellie, your dad, and you left. Yet he sends Ellie off to bed too, and she relencutenly listens.

So now it’s just you and him, but neither of you speak until you know everyone is asleep.

“So,” you whisper as you move to sit by his left side. “Are you gonna tell me what you’re doing here?”

“It’s not as exciting as your reason,” he deadpans, making you smile. “I still can’t believe Tommy would let you leave. Tsk.”

You drop your gaze and do share the truth you hid. “He didn’t want me to leave, we argued…but at the end of the day, I was an adult, he knew he couldn’t hold me back.” You lift your gaze to look back at your dad. “You didn’t answer me though.”

Your dad meets your gaze and then glances at Henry across the room for a moment before he drops his gaze and mutters. “No offense or anything, but I don’t trust your partner. I trust you, but not him, so let’s save this conversation for later.”

So he hasn’t changed. That’s good to know.

“Okay,“ you grumble in annoyance, and instead chose to focus on the girl he’s traveling with. “The girl, is she your…”

“No,” your dad cuts you off before you can ask what he knew you were curious about. “She’s not anything. She’s cargo.”

Oh. Well now you’re even more curious. It’s bad he won’t answer a fucking thing.

“So what?” You retort. “Are you on some kinda mission?”

“Yeah,” he nods. “Somethin like that.” He meets your gaze, and you let your own gaze linger on him as more questions build up, as you want to spill out so much more. But, right now, at this moment you don’t want to ruin the bliss of this reunion, you’re happy to see him again, and you want to focus on that.

“You,” he continues to speak. “How are you doing, hm? You okay?”

You nod and sigh. “I was hurt, that's why I stayed, but I’m okay now. You?” You ask and prop your elbows on your knees to rest your chin on your hands. “I mean besides being old.”

Your dad rolls his eyes and scoffs. “I’m okay,” he mutters. “And you're getting there too, what are you now 30?” He manages to tease you with a faint smirk dancing on his lips.

“I’m 24,” you correct him. “And 30 is not that old, okay?”

“Yeah, says you, you’re almost halfway there,” he reminds you, making you smile that he remembers. “You still make it a big deal?”

You snicker. “Daddy, you know me right? Of course I do.”

His smirk deepens. “What was it you said when you were a little girl?” He asks even if he still in fact remembers. “That Valentine’s Day was celebrated ‘cause it was your birthday that day?

You nod. “I still believe that,” you mumble with a stifled laugh.

He laughs softly and shakes his head. And you smile softly. It’s been so long since you’ve talked, so long since you’ve laughed together, and now after years of estrangement, sharing that same connection fills your heart with such heartwarming bliss you’ve missed.

“You going to Wyoming?” You quiere a bit mote seriously.

Your dad nods stiffly.

You scoff. “Uncle Tommy might get some kind of heart attack when he sees you.” You grin.

“He’s old,” you both say at the same time.

You giggle quietly and nod. Silence follows, comforting silence that lets you notice the watch on his wrist, the same one Sarah had given him for his birthday 20 years ago. He still wears it.

He never liked talking about her after she died, you can’t imagine that’s changed, but you still miss her and he still misses her too. So without saying anything you sit up and grab his wrist to carefully swipe your finger over the cracked glass.

Your dad watches you and of course doesn’t add anything, he lets you hold his hand to look at the watch instead.

“Get some sleep,” he mutters. “I’ll stay up.”

You let his hand go and breathe out softly before blinking and looking at him. “It’s okay. I’ll stay up with you. I missed you.” You admit.

The corner of his lips twitch to a smile, and he then wraps his arm around your shoulders to press you against him and press a kiss on the top of your head.

You smile and rest your head on his shoulder as he keeps his arm around you. You sit in the silence then, basked only by the dim white light. And you fight it, fight the sleep that came as you felt comforted and safe by your dad, but it overtook you, and regardless of what you told him you fell asleep with your head on his shoulder just like you would when you were a little girl.

——

*THE NEXT MORNING*

“Welcome to Killa City,” Henry says whilst he, you and your dad look out at the city from an office building.

“No FEDRA,” your dad interjects.

Henry shakes his head. “Not as of 2 months ago, no.”

“We always heard KC FEDRA was—”

“Monsters? Savages?” Henry cuts your dad off, and looks at him as he nods. “Yeah, you heard right. Raped and tortured and murdered people for 20 years. And you know what happens when you do that to people? The moment they get a chance they do it back to you.”

“But you’re not FEDRA,” your dad mutters, and you sigh quietly and avert your gaze as you know what’s coming is something he won’t like.

“No, worse,” Henry says. “I’m a collaborator.”

You clench your jaw and peek over, catching your fathers immediate displeasure and judgment.

“I don’t work with rats,” he snaps at Henry, and side eyes you since he knows he had taught you better.

“Yeah,” Henry scoffs. “You fucking do.”

You sigh and drag your eyes to him. “Henry,” you warn.

Said man glances at you, but he doesn’t change his tone of voice.

“Today you do.” He continues. “‘Cause I live here and you don’t. That’s how we followed you here….”

Albeit you didn’t actually know you were following your own father when Henry told you.

“I know this city, and that’s how I’m gonna help you get out.”

“Why help us?” Your dad queries.

Henry glances over at you and his gaze softens. “Her, for one,” he points to you, making you feel flustered. “And two, I saw what you did, the way you killed those men,” he says and glances back at your dad, making you do the same. “Now, I know where to go, and I trust y/n would have gotten us out alive, but we are safer in numbers.”

You meet your dad gaze briefly before he directs his comment to Henry. “You seem capable enough. You’re armed.”

Tsk.

“You’re wrong, and wrong,” Henry rebuttals. “Never killed anyone. And pointing that borrowed gun at you was the closest I’ve ever come to being violent….so that’s the deal. I show the way, you and y/n clear the way.”

You nod in agreement, and then look to your father in hopes he’d agree too. After all, you are going to the same place.

Yet you can’t read the answer he may have, he makes it hard to do so. But you want to believe he’d want to stick around with you at least….

What if you’re not enough though? He’s left before.

You sigh shakily and want to pull him away, but then a distinctive laugh fills the room. When you glance back you see Sam laughing with Ellie.

She made him laugh.

“Haven't heard that in a long time,” Henry says.

You smile at the boy, and then share that same happy smile with Henry.

“So how are we gettin’ out?” Your dad gives in, making you look to the ground and smile wider.

Without hesitation Henry walks to the table and pulls a piece of paper and pencil from his backpack, making your dad and you gather around the table where Henry is to watch as he begins to write. And shortly thereafter Ellie joins the group too, leaving Sam to sit at the other side of the table in wait.

“Highways, downtown,” Henry explains and points and circles the spots with his fingers. “Us. This whole area belongs to Kathleen.”

“She’s in charge?” Ellie probes.

You cross your arms over your chest and nod before answering with what you’ve been told from Henry himself, and the others that were a part of his group. “Leader of the resistance.”

“You can see the way we’re bounded by highways,” Henry continues to explain. “They got people posted all around the inside perimeter. If we get close, we get caught. No question. So how do we get across?” He asks, but then taps the surface of the table to gain Sam’s attention.

And when the boy looks up Henry asks the same question, so Sam can write down the answer on his board. “Tunnels.”

Henry snaps his fingers and says. “Boom.”

“Kansas City has a subway?” Your dad questions.

“No, but they do have maintained tunnels,” Henry answers. “There’s a bunch of buildings all put up by the same developers. And they share these tunnels, including,” he says and looks back at his paper.

“A bank building here.” He writes down on the paper as he explains as well. “So we enter the tunnels here, travel underground, and pop up here. Westside North. Residential. There’s an embankment on the other side of the houses. We head down, pedestrian bridge over the river.” He drops his pencil and claps proudly. “Free as a bird.” He then shoots you a proud look.

And you might be impressed by his plan, but your dad doesn’t seem so.

“You’re right,” your dad comments. “It’s a great plan. So what do you need us for?” Your dad points to him and you.

Henry sighs and shares one concerned look with you before looking at your dad and explaining further. “You noticed anything strange about this city? I mean, other than the strange shit you’ve already seen?”

“No infected?” Ellie answers correctly right away.

“Oh, there’s infected,” Henry corrects her. “Just not on the surface. FEDRA drove them underground 15 years ago and never let them come back up. It’s the only good thing those fascist motherfuckers ever did.”

“So you want us goin’ into a tunnel?” Your dad quips as he looks between Ellie and you.

“Everyone thinks that It’s full of infected,” Henry adds. “Including Kathleen, which means that we’re not gonna be running into any of her people. But you see, what I know is, it’s empty.”

“You’ve been down there?” Your dad asks.

You avert your gaze and hear Henry’s response. “No,”

“Oh god,” your dad mutters in annoyance. “Y/N.”

Yes, it’s a very questionable plan, you know that, but that’s why Henry and Sam had you. To fight for them.

“…but the FEDRA guy that I worked with told me that it’s clean,” Henry continues. “Completely clean. They cleared it out. All of it.”

“When?” Ellie asks.

“Like, three years ago,” Henry says.

Your dad scoffs and shakes his head.

“Okay, maybe,” Henry quickly adds. “There’s one or two, but you can handle it.”

“What if there’s more?” Your dad counters.

“Or one of those blind ones that sees like a bat?” Ellie adds her question.

“Y/N has fought clickers,” Henry explains and points to you.

You nervously glance up at your dad, and meet his quick judgmental gaze only meant for one man.

“And now I know you have,” Henry continues. “You see? You’re the right people. If it gets bad down there, we turn around, and run right back out the same way we came.”

“Oh that’s your great plan?” Your dad argues. “Put my—”

“No, that’s my dicey-as-fuck plan,” Henry cuts your dad off. “But as far as I can tell…it’s our only shot.”

“Y/N,” your dad presses you to explain yourself and your decision to follow something risky.

“It’s our only choice,” you vouch for Henry. “They chased us out of the forest, and now they have the forest line surrounded. It’s either this way or we go guns blazing. Which is an actual stupid idea. Trust me. Can you do that? I know it’s been a while,” you swallow thickly. “But can you do that?”

Your dads gaze lingers on you, his answer is simple in regards to you, but it’s the man you’re with that makes his choice difficult.

“They’re saying,” you hear Henry interject before your dad can answer you. “They’re going to help us escape.”

You look to the end of the table and see Sam smirk and nod in comprehension.

“Right?” Henry asks.

“Fine,” your dad grumbles, making you smile softly at him.

Good thing it didn’t come to choosing sides because if it had you don’t know who you’d side with….

Regardless, you don’t linger in the building any longer, the next rotation would start their shift soon, so now was the time to flee while the ghost was clear.

There could be surprises considering they are looking for your dad now too. But luckily the run to the bank was clear, and the bank itself was clear—It seems that the resistance group isn’t as smart as they think they are.

The only difficulty is now navigating your way through the long dark tunnel that you’re in.

“This should be it,” Henry says once the door closes behind your dad. “You ready?”

You turn your flashlight on and step down the stairs first.

“Get your gun out,” you hear your dad tell Ellie most likely. But you take this time you pull your rifle down and have it ready just in case something jumps out in this silence.

“How many bullets do you have?” You direct to your dad and look over your shoulder, noticing him climbing down the stairs to join you so you can both lead the way to some other big metal door.

“Not a lot,” he says, and shortly thereafter stops to open the big metal door for everyone. “You?” He asks once it’s open.

“Not a lot either,” you grumble and continue to slowly walk forward with your light pointing at the long path ahead.

“You see? It’s empty,” Henry points out loudly and with pride. “The plan is good!”

You look back to kindly tell him otherwise even if you really don’t smell or hear anything concerning, yet your dad beats you to it.

“Shh,” your dad shushes him. “The plan is good?” He repeats and scolds Henry. “We’ve been here for two seconds. We don’t know anything.”

Henry meets your gaze, and you shoot him a comforting smile before he leans close to Ellie and directs his comment to her.

“Your dads kind of a pessimist.”

“He’s not my dad.” Ellie quickly rebuttals, at the same your dad also does

“I’m not her dad.”

Why do they sound offended?

Maybe there shouldn’t be a reason why you need to be jealous then?

“Just point your light forward,” your dad continues to tell Henry. “And be ready to run.” He continues walking, so you also continue to lead the way at his side.

It turns out to be a long walk. A silent one thankfully. It seems Henry was right about this tunnel now being infected free. Yet as you come approaching some colorful painted doors who knows what may lie behind them.

“Whoa,” Ellie utters as you all flash your lights at the colorful drawings that fill the three walls.

There’s a castle painted around the doors, flowers and plants on the other walls, children, rainbows and a sun. This must be the reason why the infected aren’t down here.

Yet it’s too quiet, and unprotected. And when you feel the walls to check if it’s fresh or old paint. Thankfully, or sadly…the paint is dry and crusted.

“Let’s knock,” you suggest. "If there's infected they’ll run to the door, if there’s people then we’ll hear them too. If there’s nothing then…the ghost is clear.”

Your dad hums and nods in agreement. And just as you step forward and lift your fist to knock, Sam passes you to reach the door, but you quickly grab his arm and face him.

“No,” you warn him. “It can be dangerous. Always, always check if something is safe first, okay?” You take this time to teach him. “You understand me?”

Sam's smile fades, and he quickly responds. “I understand, sorry.”

You shake your head. “You did nothing wrong, just always double check first. Wait. My dad and I will give the sign that it’s safe. Okay?”

Sam nods stiffly and steps behind you, letting you secure his hand under yours, and now knock.

Once you get no response your dad opens the door first and slowly walks in, letting you and the rest follow him inside, noticing a larger room with more painted walls, with furniture and books. A home. An abandoned home.

You let Sam’s hand go and turn your flashlight off since this room is basked by natural light that comes from the vents on the ceiling.

“I heard about places like this,” your dad comments as he slows his pace to study the room. “People went underground after Outbreak day. Built settlements.”

You hang your rifle around your shoulder and slowly begin to walk ahead to investigate more of this living space.

“What happened to them?” Ellie asks.

“Maybe they didn’t follow the rules and they all got infected,” your dad counters.

Or they got tired of underground living and left. That’s what you hope happened anyway.

“No way!” You hear Ellie exclaim, making you snap your head to her out of fear.

Yet when your eyes land on her, you see her and Sam around a small table checking out a comic book.

“I love these!”

Fuck.

You let out a relieved sigh and continue towards a shelf of records and movies. Ellie continues to talk, but you focus on the music and films that have collected dust, giving away the time of unuse; hinting mostly at how long this place has been abandoned.

“…fuck yeah man!”

“Hey, keep it down,” your dad cuts Ellie off. “We’re not out yet.”

There he goes…grumpy, and overly cautious.

“C’mon,” Ellie groans. “Can we just rest here for a while? There’s like, actually shit to do here.”

A certain movie called Curtis and Viper 2 grabs your attention, and makes you smile to yourself while they talked.

“Wouldn’t be so bad to wait the light out a bit,” Henry tries to persuade your dad. “Safer in shadows when we pop back out on the other side.”

You snatch the movie from the shelf and look over your shoulder to wait for your fathers response. And surprisingly he gives in, letting you focus back on the shelf of goodies.

Since the records take too much room in your pack you leave them behind unfortunately, and step over to the box of cassettes, finding many albums that you had left back home, some that were your favorite and haven’t heard in years.

You find books, two that practically caught your attention. You find accessories, and more stuff that you would have enjoyed when you were a little kid. Albeit you still do put on some heart shaped sunglasses for fun now.

And even if it’s a habit your father is used to or should be used to, he still questions your choice of accessory as you join him and Henry sitting around a table. “What are you wearin’?”

You grin and pull up a chair next to Henry. “Daddy, don’t they look great on me?”

Your dad scoffs and looks away. “Well it’s good to see you haven’t changed,” he mumbles whilst he hides his faint smile over the fact.

You grin and proceed to throw your backpack and gun down, to then rest your feet on Henry’s lap as you sit back on the chair. “Look what I found,” you bring up and put your stuff down to show them a pun book. “A pun book. These are so fun, you love these don’t you,” you point at your dad.

His gaze drifts back to you and his eyes narrow. “Y/N,” he mutters, but you ignore him and open the book to read a random joke.

“A book,” you begin to giggle. “A book just fell on my head. I only have myself to blame—“ you stop and snort. “Fuck! No, fuck I said that wrong,” you giggle some more and correct yourself. “A book just fell on my head…I only have my shelf to blame.” You look up and see your dad keep his arms crossed over his chest and his nonchalance on his face, so you look over at Henry, and see him smile.

“Yeah,” you mutter. “I ruined that one.” You scoff and flip the page to read another one. “Ah, another! I used to be addicted to soap,” you laugh softly and glance up at your audience. “But I’m clean now.” You laugh and actually hear Henry giggle.

“Next…” you flip the page and grin as you find a good one. “Do you know what’s not right?” You ask and look up as you press the book against your chest to wait for a response.

“Left,” Henry answers, making you beam and nod.

“Yeah, yeah, you get it,” you laugh. “That was a good one.” You close the book and shove it in your backpack. “I’ll say more later….Now.” You say and sit up to grab another book. “Look. Little Women, my favorite book. Which,” you point the book at your dad and Henry. “I made into a play back home a few years back…”

You miss your dads curious look as you mention that you have made a play since you continue to speak.

“…I’ll let y’all guess who I played.”

“The main character?” Henry probes.

You put the book down on the table and shake your head. “Nope. Read the book and you’ll know. And look,” you continue and lift a cassette. “ABBA, and Kate Bush, Hounds of Love album, I love Running up That Hill.”

“I swear you love every song,” Henry comments.

You shrug and smirk. “Yeah, pft, well there’s too many to choose from.” You bend down and pull out your Walkman to put in the Kate Bush tape.

“Actually, before you do that,” Henry mumbles. “I found you something,”

You blink and snatch your sunglasses off to look up at him without the dark tint.

“It reminded me of you,” he says timidly and leans closer to you to pin something on your poncho.

When he pulls his hand away, you look down and see a small little gold sun pin.

“Uh, you can pin it to your backpack, or I don’t know, keep it there, but I just wanted you to have it.”

You smile softly and look up at him to meet his soft enamored gaze.

“Thank you,” you whisper and grab his chin to caress it before you lean in and press a small kiss on his lips, forgetting in that moment that your father was nearby—“I love it.”

“Good,” Henry says. “Good.”

You both let your gazes linger for a moment longer before you grab your book to hide your giddy grin as you sit back. You then proceed to put on your earphones on, and press play on the music, but can’t stop smiling like a love struck idiot.

But maybe you are one though….

Anyway, you read some pages of the book and miss the conversation that your dad and Henry have, you don’t look up, or listen in. You don’t look up until Ellie and Sam playing across the room catch your attention.

And at first it was just a brief glance since you could hear them faintly through your music, but as you see that they’re playing soccer, as you see Sam trick Ellie to take the soccer ball away from her, you grow nostalgic and sad. You remember Sarah, again, this time more than ever. You remember playing soccer with her in the backyard of your house, you remember tricking her to steal her ball away; the memory plays faintly in your mind, bringing tears to your eyes.

You remember her smile, her laugh. You remember those simple days, and miss her, just like you do every single day that passes.

“…Y/N…”

You blink at the sound of your muffled name and look up, catching your dad standing by you now. You pull your earphones off and hum to probe.

“It’s time to go,” he says.

You draw in a deep shaky breath and nod in comprehension. He walks away and you sigh as you pull your legs off Henry’s lap to pack up your things now.

“I don’t think he likes me that much,” Henry whispers.

You glance over at him and then look at your dad walking to Ellie.

“Just,” you quickly try to assure Henry. “Give him time. He’s,” you smile. “He’s a hardass, but he will come around.” You zip up your backpack and pick it up, before grabbing your rifle off the ground to then stand up.

Henry stands up from the chair too and sighs.

“Come on,” you urge him softly. “Let’s get out of here.”

A/N- I don't want to write what follows…

A/N- Can you guess who y/n played in her Little Women play? (That part was added for a reason 😙)

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damn-stark · 3 months

Text

Down bad or…

Sugar

#damn-stark #fanfiction #sugar #naoya zenin #choso #jjk #jjk fanfiction #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen fanfiction #choso x reader #Choso kamo #choso fanfiction

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damn-stark · 6 months

Text

Chapter 27 Million years

Chapter 27 of Moonlight

A/N- Are they finally gonna get together?

Warning- Swearing, angst, talks of death, fluff!! and SPOILERS for future events of HOTD!!!!

Pairing- Cregan Stark x Velaryon!fem-reader, Aemond Targaryen x Velaryon!fem-reader

Episode- After 1x09, events based off of Fire and Blood

(If you want to be tagged let me know)

————

*A FEW WEEKS LATER*

“The scouts have not sent any new reports on Alys, but they’ve heard rumors spreading about a babe with scales and a tale being born to a witch.”

You hum in comprehension and look out the balcony to think about what was just said to you.

They probably won’t find her, she’s smart, and she’s lived for a long time for that reason. Is it worth it to keep looking for someone who can see visions? There’s so much on your plate already too; annoying Lords, being Queen, the wedding, the rest of the Martell family, and Dorne’s most respected lords coming for the wedding. And it’s not like you can undo what she did, you should have known better than to trust her. Plus you’re beginning to lack enough anger to try and chase after her around the Riverlands.

She may rot—

Suddenly you lose all train of thought as you catch Cregan down below walking, talking, and smiling with the black-haired beauty that is Lady Alysanne Blackwood. She’s so close to him, basically rubbing arms, she’s batting her eyelashes at him, and he’s flashing his charming rare smiles. He’s—

You had to let him go, it was better to let him go, but you still can’t help but feel…jealous. You feel it deep in your stomach. You feel slight anger growing within you at the sight of the pair, at the thought that they make a good couple. They make a more plausible couple too.

But you still want that to be you at his side, you still want to see him smile and look at you with a soft and loving look, and you want to laugh with him without having to hide. You still want to be at his side, you want to be her…

But you can’t. You can’t be together and you have to accept that—you accept it, besides you’re getting married soon and so far Prince Namor isn’t terrible…

Life was so much easier when you were with Aemond. Your only desire then was to see your mother and brothers again, you didn’t have any significant concerns. It was easy with Aemond and you only realize that now.

“Your Grace?”

“Hm?” You hum and pull your eyes away from Cregan to look at one of your new ladies-in-waiting helping you with the wedding.

“Which design for the wedding dress’s cape do you prefer?” She asks.

You spare one last glance at Cregan and Lady Alyssane, and frown with displeasure before you look at the designs the designer has drawn up. They’re all beautiful, one is red adorned with gold, and the other one is long and shaped like dragon wings. You’ll probably go with the latter.

“Have this one brought,” you point to the dragon wing cape and slowly look out the balcony again and still see Cregan and Alyssane.

It’s like he’s torturing you. You hate it, you hate seeing him with her. But you have to—

“Ser Crane,” you cut off your lady-in-waiting to address the Lord Commander of your Queensguard, a tall muscular man, with a stern face, a shaved head, a dark goatee, and a kind heart. “I request the presence of Lord Stark right away.”

The man bows his head and quickly heads on out, letting you focus back on your lady-in-waiting. “The dragon wing one is fine, have the second dress brought, I really don’t mind, it’s my third wedding I just want to get it over with.”

The lady looks at you a bit puzzled at your lack of excitement, but does as you ask, letting you wait for Cregan in the parlor room.

Considering he wants to stay here until the kingdom is somewhat stable you see a lot of him. A lot. He’s at every council meeting, he’s at every hearing, if you’re out in the city he is too, he’s like your Hand or a Queensguard. Without actually having the titles.

You like that he is but you also don’t like it because he’s a temptation. Plus Prince Namor and him don’t get along so well.

And well, you understand why Cregan wouldn’t like him, but you don’t understand why Prince Namor doesn’t like Cregan, it’s not like you talk to Cregan a lot in public. In private? Yes, he likes to come visit Daenerys, and he can’t exactly spend time with her alone because people would talk, so you’re always there acting like you need his help. But other than that you don’t know why Prince Namor is so hostile—does he see something?

Nevertheless, a knock raps on the door, and when you welcome the visitor you see exactly who you need, Cregan.

“Your Grace,” he greets and bows.

You cross your leg over the other and offer him a faint smile. “Lord Stark,” you greet formally as your Queensguard walks out. “Sorry, my request is so sudden. I hope you weren’t busy.” You offer him a wider smile and watch him come sit down across from you.

“Well,” he says. “Whenever you call, I come. So no, I was not busy.”

The room's doors close and Cregan looks around. “Where’s Daenerys?” He asks.

You grab your goblet of wine and shake your head. “Not here. This is about another matter.” You take a sip and meet his grey eyes as he looks at you with curiosity. “This is actually about the Night's Watch.”

Cregan leans in and props on hand on his leg to probe. “What about it?”

You made a promise, so you will see through to that promise, or at least prepare the next ruler if it doesn’t come true in your lifetime.

“How many people are posted in the Night’s watch, at all castles? Just a rough estimate,” you continue to ask without actually being clear about anything.

Cregan sits back and shrugs. “Not much, perhaps just under one thousand men, or even less…why the sudden interest?” He presses. “Royalty doesn’t really bother to care for the Night’s watch.”

You swallow thickly and avert your gaze.

You know you can trust him, you know that the smart thing would be telling a Stark as well, after all the threat comes from the distant North, they deserve to know. But it’s difficult speaking about something told to you by your mother.

“Do you remember the stories you’d tell me?” You begin slowly. “About what may live beyond the wall?”

Cregan nods. “Yes, just children's stories.”

You exhale deeply and meet his gaze. “What if they aren’t just stories? What if…something like the Long Night happens again?”

Cregan blinks repeatedly in disbelief and his lips twitch to a teasing smile. “It won’t, it can’t be possible. The first member of the Night's watch drove them away. But again, it’s just a story.”

You put the goblet down and lean forward so he can see you’re being serious. “Cregan, listen to me. I'm being serious. And you can’t tell anyone, I wasn’t allowed to tell you, it’s a secret passed from Targaryen ruler to heir, so please guard this secret with your life.”

Said man narrows his eyes and his teasing smile falls. He doesn’t hesitate to assure you, mostly because he thinks you’re somehow joking. “I swear.”

You exhale deeply. “Long ago,” you begin. “My ancestor, King Aegon, had a dream. A prophecy of the end of the world of men that begins with a terrible winter gusting out of the distant North.”

Cregan swallows back nervously and you see his shoulders tense.

“Aegon saw darkness riding on those winds,” you continue. “And whatever hides within will destroy the land of the living. And when this Great Winter comes, all of Westeros must stand against it. And if the world of men is to survive it a Targaryen must be seated on the Iron Throne. Someone strong enough to unite the realm against the cold and the darkness. So that's why I ask, the Night's Watch is our first line of defense, it may not happen in my lifetime, or in any of my children’s lifetimes, but I still made a promise. I can’t fail her, nor can I fail them.”

Cregan drops his head and brushes his fingers through his hair.

“I know,” you add softly. “It’s hard to believe. But you have to believe me. I wouldn’t toy with this.”

Cregan stays quiet for a moment before he snaps his head up and meets your gaze with a narrowed look. “You believe the prophecy?” He asks. “With your heart?”

You don’t hesitate, you nod. “I do.”

Cregan raises his chin and nods. “Then I believe you too.”

You smile and sigh with relief. “Thank you.” You whisper.

“What do you want me to do then?” He asks.

You sigh. “We can’t force people to man the castles, one it might not happen anytime soon, two, people don’t volunteer like before. But I will try from my end to send prisoners to the Night's watch. What I need from you are reports from every exploration the men have. As boring as they may be, I can’t risk missing something.”

Cregan nods in comprehension. “I will do it. But you must visit them too, you know? Just as Queen Alysanne did.”

You grin softly. “I will. I mean I do have a dragon to travel far so I will,” you assure him. “We often tend to forget the Night’s watch. I will try not to.”

“And…” Cregan adds with a growing smile. “You stop by and visit me too. Winterfell will always be your home. It can be.”

“Cregan,” you warn him.

“You’re still not married, why can’t—”

“I just said one reason,” you cut him off. “Besides even if there wasn’t a reason, would you have left your home behind, your land, and people to become King?” You ask seriously.

Cregan’s smile falls and his face grows hard and serious. “No,” he answers bluntly.

You scoff softly and nod slowly. “Exactly. So please just don’t bring it up again. I still want to be your friend.”

Cregan holds your gaze for a moment before he scoffs and looks away and shakes his head. You’re about to question him, but a knock raps on your door so you’re left in tension.

“Come in,” you address the visitor.

The door opens and you look over and see…Rhaena.

The annoyance and tension you just felt falls completely and your eyes fill with happy tears.

You haven’t seen her since the war started. You’ve heard of her from letters or other people’s mouths, but it’s been so long. You thought you would never see her again, you feared something would happen to her even if she was in a safe place.

“Rhaena,” you muse and jump off your seat to run over to her. She matches your pace and meets you halfway with an embrace.

“Y/N,” she whispers.

She’s one of the few family members you have left. One of the two people you grew up with. Your home was when you were with your mother, with your brothers too, so you’ll never feel at home anymore, but with Baela and Rhaena still alive there’s a sense of safety you do feel.

“Why…” you trail off and pull back to face her. “Why wasn’t I told you were here already?” You ask.

Rhaena smiles. “We wanted it to be a surprise. Baela says you’d appreciate it.”

You flash her a grin and nod. “I do—and your hatchling. You have a dragon now!”

Rhaena nods and pulls away to glance back at the crate that’s brought in by a servant. You were so distracted with her that you failed to notice her servants.

“Wait,” you cut her off and glance back at Cregan standing by the table you were just at. “I should introduce you to someone first.” You wave Cregan over, and he quickly makes his way to your side.

“Rhaena this is Cregan Stark,” you introduce him. “An old friend and Lord of Winterfell, of course. Cregan, this is my cousin, Lady Rhaena Targaryen.”

Cregan bows his head out of respect and Rhaena smiles at him.

“It’s nice to finally meet you, Lady Rhaena,” he says. “The Queen here would speak fondly of you when she lived in Winterfell.”

You grin wider, and Rhaena looks between Cregan and you before she focuses on Cregan. “It’s nice to meet you too, Lord Stark.”

“I hope to make your acquaintance whilst my stay here,” Cregan adds. “Your sister is quite the spitfire, I’m interested in getting to know you too.”

Rhaena laughs softly. “Likewise.”

Cregan sighs and faces you. “I’ll see you later, My Queen.” He bows and then bows his head at Rhaena before he leaves. Once he’s out the door you follow Rhaena to the table and watch her open the crate to then pull out a small pink and black hatchling.

“Oh gods,” you muse excitedly. “Look at it!”

“Her name is Morning,” she reveals and turns to show her off to you.

You reach over and caress her scaled head and beam at her. “You may be our savior,” you tell the little dragon. “I’m happy for you Rhaena,” you direct at your cousin. “I know how much you’ve dreamed of having one, I’m glad you finally bonded with one. It’s a great pleasure.”

“Thank you. And I’m happy too, I can’t wait to ride her,” she muses.

You hum and step back. “It’s really the best thing in the world. How is she? Does she eat? Sleep well?” You ask since there are so few dragons left now. Greyghost flew away after Ser Jason’s death, and Silverwing and Astraea are the only ones that are left in King’s Landing. Two out of so many that were alive.

“Yes, she’s doing well, she’s healthy,” Rhaena assures you as you walk over to sit on the couch to take advantage of the fact that you’re not being swamped. “Is Astraea doing well?”

You nod. “Very. She’s healed well.”

“And Lord Stark?” She asks and catches you off guard. “First name bases?”

You avert your gaze and shrug. “Yes, we lived together for five years. Of course, we go by each other's first names.”

Rhaena walks over with a smile and her dragon draped on her shoulder. “Hm…okay, your eyes and smiles say otherwise.”

You glare at her. “You’ve been here for just a few minutes what—Baela.”

Rhaena smirks. “You burned half the city this is just some free punishment.” She rebuttals.

You scoff and go serious. “What do you think about that? Baela is upset, she’s calmed down a bit since then, but she’s still upset. What are your thoughts?” You ask on the matter.

Rhaena draws out a deep breath and frowns with sadness. “I think you could’ve done things differently. But I also know that sometimes the most ugly things have to be done. I know…my father would’ve approved.”

You scoff with amusement.

“I know that Rhaenyra could’ve used more fire…perhaps then she would still be alive,” she mumbles with a hint of sadness in her tone. “So I think you did what you had to do. Besides you did it already we can’t take it back, we have to move on. Right?” She asks and meets your gaze.

You hold her gaze for a moment before you nod softly and feel your breath tremble as you breathe out. “About that…I was waiting for you to come…” you trail off and feel your eyes water, your throat begin to burn, and you feel your chest get heavy. “…so we could hold a funeral for my mother. I know you were close to her, so I thought you’d want to be there. Prince Namor said it’d be healthy, so I want to have one.”

A short silence follows before Rhaena interjects quietly. “That would be nice…I would be honored to be there. Thank you for waiting for me.”

You keep your head down to avoid seeing the nightmare flashes and memories that threaten to show. “No problem…it’ll be before the wedding,” you mention shakily.

“Y/N—”

“It’ll be okay,” you cut her off to avoid falling into that hole. “I’m okay.”

——

*LATER*

“Your Grace, The Lannisters are approaching and should arrive by nightfall. And the Baratheons will be here this evening.”

You look at Ser Crane through the long mirror and nod in comprehension. “Thank you, Ser, and if I’m not here by the time the Baratheons have my grandfather set up their welcome according to their status.”

The Lord Commander nods and turns stiffly to walk out. And while he was walking out one of your ladies in waiting walks in with a bouquet of Blue Winter Roses.

“My Queen,” she says with excitement in her voice as she approaches you. “These are for you from an old friend they said.”

You turn away from the mirror and take the bouquet from her hands. You read the notecard and even if it doesn't say a name you know it can only be from one person. One person knows that out of every flower in the world, these are your favorite, Cregan. Only he knows that these flowers are a symbol of your love.

So what do the flowers mean this time? He gave you some for your wedding tournament to show his love, to show you aren't forgotten. And this time what else can they be but another symbol?

It’s a symbol of hope now too. They’re a temptation you finally start to give into as your grief is crashing into you a lot stronger than before as you dress in all black to say one last goodbye to the woman you loved. They serve only to bring out this deep desire of wanting him to shield you from that pain, of wanting him to hold you until you feel an ounce of comfort back in your limp heart.

You want to be with him, and these winter roses are like a sign to give in and sacrifice everything just to be in his arms and go back to a place where you had felt happy once before. They’re a declaration of love and an offer.

And you’re in so much agony, you feel it now eating away at you as each second brings you closer to lighting her pyre. You just want some relief…

So you look up from the flowers in your hand and break into a stride to go to him. You feel eager and selfish. Like a fragment of who you used to be could return at the sight of him in this very moment.

However, the door opens for a third time and Prince Namor walks in, so you stop in your tracks and drop your smile.

“Those are beautiful.”

You made her a promise. You remember now at the sight of your betrothed.

“Who are they from?” He asks.

You blink and offer him a faint smile. “An old friend,” you mutter and turn to put the winter roses down on the table.

“Oh, well, they’re beautiful,” he says as he follows you back to the mirror. “Anyway, your cousins are ready. Are you?”

You pick up your mother's valyrian steel necklace from the cushion and sigh deeply as you remember her wearing it.

“Yeah,” you agree softly. “I am ready.”

——

*25 YEARS LATER. 156 AC*

What good is peace if all you wear is mourning attire?

“Today with these ashes we spread, may he return to the sand, may he return to the earth…”

Ashes fall from the septon's hands and trinkle onto the sand below. You follow the particles of what had remained of your husband until it mixes with the grains of sand.

“…may he give life to what sprouts so that his legacy lives on forever in the hearts and minds of the four children he leaves behind, Prince Maekor, Princess Valaena, Prince Laenor, and Prince Rhaegar. And so his wife, her grace, Y/N Targaryen carries him on forever in her heart.”

You sigh and keep your eyes on the ashes that mix with the sand below, and then feel a hand carefully wrap around yours. When you glance over you meet the dark eyes of your youngest son with Prince Namor, Rhaegar. The boy named after your mother, you offer him a faint smile and give him a reassuring squeeze.

“May he meet his ancestors and continue to watch over his kin. May Prince Namor of House Martell find peace!” The septon shouts. You look up at him and then hear snickering, so your attention drifts to your right side and you see your second youngest son, Prince Laenor, snickering at his brother since he sees him holding your hand. You think nothing wrong with it though, Namor was their father, he was a good one at that, and Rhaegar is like Lucerys, sensible and more open to showing and receiving affection.

Thus you shoot Laenor a glare and he quickly drops his smirk and goes quiet, and once he does you point to his older sister, Princess Valaena as she stood crying for the father she lost. Laenor understands what you want and even if he sighs he steps forward to wrap his arm around his sister, making her husband Lord Ellis Blackwood pull his arm off her shoulder to hold her hand instead.

You smile at the interaction of your daughter and her husband. They’ve been married for three years now, but seeing how kind and smitten he is with her still surprises you and brings you joy as if it were the first time seeing it. And you know you react like that because of your fear of marrying your children outside of Targaryen, and or Velaryon families. You only accepted this match because Lord Ellis is the eldest son of Bloody Ben, the man-boy you fought alongside at Tumbleton, the man-boy who had retrieved Addam’s body.

Other than that, all your other kid marriages are kept between the Targaryen’s and Velaryon’s, you don’t want to make the same mistake your grandfather Viserys made when he married Alicent.

It’s why your Hand was Baela for a few years until none other than your little brother, Viserys returned a few years back. With a wife, you wouldn't approve of, but she’s gone now and her family was basically his captor when he came back, without her they wouldn’t let him stay. It was smart but regardless, he’s your Hand now. He’s smart, tactical, and kind.

His kids though…more specifically his eldest, is something else, but that’s besides the fact.

What matters now is that you are a widow for a third time. It’s unfortunate that you had to be Aegon's widow, but at least now that title is gone and you’re Namor’s widow now. It’s bad to point out, but this new loss has your mind raveled. Not like when your mother or the rest of your family died, but after you spend 25 years with someone it has to affect you in some way. Especially when you had 4 more children with him.

But it’s those 4 children, plus the other three, that don’t make you fall into that pit you were stuck in before. They keep you upright now, and they’re all the ones that make you feel your heart again. Instead, you are there for them as they grieve their father. You comfort them as best as you can as you get taken back to the Red Keep.

Once you’re inside and attending the banquet in Namor’s name you approach Valaena.

“Forgive me, mother,” she interjects in a shaky voice.

You furrow your eyebrows and cup her cheek to dry away her tears. “Whatever for?” You query.

“Crying, for not being strong, especially in front of everyone,” she reveals, making you scoff softly.

“Oh my sweet girl, it’s okay to cry, he was your father,” you assure her. “You can cry as much as you want to.”

“But you’re strong,” she says and holds your other hand.

You smile and shake your head. “When I lost my own father I was inconsolable, I wanted to jump off the ship that was taking me to Winterfell to see your grandfather's resting place. I was anything but strong. So it’s okay.”

Valaena lets out a shaky sigh and offers you a soft smile.

“Now,” you add and slide your hands down to grab her hands. “How are my grandchildren?” You ask and look at her swollen belly. “Five more months to go.”

Valaena grins. “They’re great, moving, and with strong heartbeats. The both of them.”

“Great, I’m glad.”

“Prince Aerion of House Velaryon! Lord of Driftmark and Lord of the Tides!” The guard announces.

You and your daughter share a short glance before you turn and watch your only son with Aemond and the proof of your love comes waltzing in late.

Your guests greet him as they make a path towards you and your family, and he redirects that greeting with a formal smile. But when his blue eyes land on you and the rest of his siblings his grin widens, and one person quickly pushes himself out of his seat and runs around the table to greet him.

“Aerion!” Your eldest son with Namor, Maekor, shouts excitedly.

Said man chuckles and changes his pace to a jog as Maekor runs down the steps and runs to his brother. When they meet halfway, Maekor jumps on his brother, and Aerion doesn’t hesitate to squeeze him back.

“Maekor! Brother!” Aerion greets and lets his brother go.

Ever since your first child with Namor was born you made it your job that they got along, that they all got along and didn’t treat each other like Aemond and Aegon treated your mother. Your kids fought, of course they did, but they never hated themselves like your mother and her siblings.

“Aerion!” Laenor shouts and runs over followed by Rhaegar, while Valaena and Daenerys stay with you to wait for Aerion to finish greeting his brothers

“He’s late,” Daenerys mutters. “And where’s Daenys?”

“Probably getting here even more late,” Valaena counters.

You hum in agreement and watch as the three boys huddle around their older brother

“Which reminds me,” Valaena interjects. “The Stark’s didn’t come.”

You glance at your daughter at the mention of that infamous name and then look down to think about Cregan.

It’s been so long since you’ve seen him, ten years perhaps? Maybe even more? You really wanted to see him, he’s a widow too, longer than you have been.

“Mother!”

You snap your eyes up and see Aerion approaching with his arms open, but you place a hand on your hip and shoot him a pointed look.

“You’re late,” you point out as he wraps his arm around you. “Three days late.”

Aerion presses kisses on the side of your head to try and make you forget, and it works because you hug him back and when you pull away you grab his jaw. “I missed you,” you tell him, making him grin. “Where’s Daenys?”

Aerion sighs and pulls away, his smile falls and he looks at his sisters. “Well,” he adds. “Uh, Daenys stayed in Driftmark because she gave birth.”

You gasp and grab his arm. “Birth? It’s a month too soon,” you stammer out.

“Is she okay?” Daenerys asks right away.

Aerion nods. “Yes, she’s just recovering. She’s okay. Both her and our son.”

You sigh with relief but you still pinch him. “Why didn’t you say anything? You should’ve sent a Raven.”

Valaena steps forward to smack his arm. “Why didn’t you start off by saying she’s okay? Jerk.”

Aerion chuckles. “Well, it wouldn't have mattered, you all still would’ve worried. Anyway, she’ll come in a week or two. I came early to be with you,” he directs at his sister's, mainly at Valaena. “I don’t remember my father, but I do know longing. And it does get better, Valaena.”

Valaena offers him a gentle smile and they hug before he hugs Daenerys. She’s actually about to say something, but then Aerion gently pushes her away as he spots Ser Crane.

“Old man,” he greets. “You get older every time I see you.”

Ser Crane huffs. “Yet it’s possible I might outlive you, my Prince.”

Aerion grins and pats his shoulder when he sees him and then moves past him when he spots Valaena’s husband.

“Ellis!” He shouts before he runs over to embrace him and pats his back.

“Aerion, buddy, we've been waiting for you!”

You watch your other sons huddle around the pair and turn to walk to Lord Cane.

“He says Daenys gave birth,” you mention and watch your nieces approach their respected partner. “That’s why he’s late.”

“The boat has been here since this morning,” he rats Aerion out without hesitation. “He was probably sleeping or joined in some tournament.”

You scoff. “I don’t know where he gets these tendencies from, his father was never like this.”

“His uncle was—”

“I’ll burn you,” you cut him off before he could say Aegon’s name, making him chuckle.

“I’ll talk to him,” Lord Crane assures you and passes you your goblet of wine.

You shake your head. “Don’t waste your breath, he’s almost 30, he won’t learn anymore. He’s got a thick head.”

Lord Crane chuckles.

You smile and take a drink of your wine before you change the subject. “I’m going to make rounds.” You turn, and he mirrors your actions to follow you to the first Lord and Lady you see, but then the guard at the entrance interrupts you.

“Lord Cregan of House Stark, Lord of the Winterfell, and Warden of the North.”

You gasp softly and snap your eyes to the door, catching him, Cregan, your old friend, and love your life, walking down the steps with his men and a young lady you assume is one of his daughters Lord Alyssane gave him during their marriage.

Everyone watches the mighty Lord with his fur cloak over his broad shoulders and body that's grown more toned over the years. But through the sea of people, he finds you.

Cregan’s grey eyes find you as he makes his way to you first. And when he reaches you, your heart skips a beat as if it were the first time you’ve seen him. He proceeds to bow and the young lady beside him does too.

“My Queen,” he greets.

You hand the goblet of wine back to your Lord Commander and when Cregan straightens out, you offer him a kind smile. “Lord Stark,” you greet sweetly.

“My condolences on the loss of your husband,” he says first. “I knew the prince consort briefly, but all I heard were great things.”

You sigh. “Thank you, Lord Stark. I’m glad we could see you. Even if it is at the banquet,” you say bluntly.

Cregan’s serious expression breaks as he smiles. “Yes well, there was a storm that damaged our ship, and when we changed to a carriage our carriage broke a wheel. It’s been quite a hectic ride.”

You blink and look at him with worry. “Oh! Is everyone fine?” You ask and step forward.

Cregan nods. “Yes, yes, we’re all fine. Thank the gods.”

You hum and glance at the lady with dark brown hair. Cregan follows your line of gaze and grabs her arm. “This is my youngest daughter Mariah Stark.”

The girl curtsy and when she stands up you offer her a sweet smile. “Ah, you have your father's grey eyes. Very beautiful.”

“Thank you, your Grace,” she mumbles.

You nod and meet Cregan’s gaze again. “It’s nice to see you, old friend. It’s been…years.”

Cregan nods and his eyes soften, catching those around you off guard that this cold and serious man was looking so gentle. “Ten,” he clarifies. “Ten years. But I’m here now and I hope we get to reacquaint ourselves during my stay.”

You grin and nod eagerly. “Yes, that would be great. Now,” you trail off and grin wider. “Meet my children!” You walk over to the group of kids watching from a distance. “I’ll start with who I see first, there’s a lot.” You laugh.

And of course, Laenor pushes himself to the front, so you start with him. “Cregan, this is Laenor,”

Said man feigns a cough so you correct yourself. “Sorry, Ser Laenor. He’s a knight.”

Laenor flashes Cregan a grin and then glances at his daughter to offer her a flirty smile. And right away you notice that the girl blushes at the charming tactics of your son. But she’s not the only one, since he’s the only prince who’s a bachelor, many young ladies have been swooning over him and giving him their sympathies in hope he’d return their affections. But they’ll find that their brothers or their household guards will gain his affection a lot quicker than them. He just likes to tease women.

“…and this,” you move on to point to the man next to Laenor. “This is Rhaegar, my youngest.” You grab his shoulder and give it a tight squeeze.

Rhaegar glances at you and then offers Cregan a more nervous smile, letting you move on to the next person and feeling him feel grateful for it with the way his shoulders untense.

“Next to him is my niece and his betrothed, Lady Valeria Hightower, daughter of my cousin, the Lady Rhaena.”

Cregan bows his head and then glances back at one of his men. When they approach you see him holding a bouquet of blue winter roses.

“Thank the gods these survived our trip,” he says and plucks one from the bouquet to hand it to Valeria.

“Oh! This is beautiful,” Valeria gushes. “Thank you, my Lord.” She curtsies and then turns to Rhaegar to show him the pretty rose.

“This is Lady Laena Velaryon, daughter of my cousin Lady Baela, wife of my Maekor, and future Queen.” You grin.

Cregan bows his head and once again he plucks a rose from the bouquet. She’s more timid than Valeria though, so her response is softer. “Thank you, Lord Stark.”

“It's an honor to make your acquaintance, my Lady,” he interjects. “And future Queen.”

Laena smiles and gently bows her head. “It’s an honor to meet you, the Queen speaks fondly of you.” She reveals.

Oh.

Cregan smirks. “Does she now? I should hope so.”

You avert your gaze and move on to the next person so he won't get any more smug. “And you know my Maekor, my heir.”

Cregan once again bows. “My Prince.” Cregan greets.

Maekor offers him a small bow and a gentle smile. “Lord Stark. It’s a pleasure seeing you again, the last time I saw you—”

“You were a little lad,” Cregan cuts him off. “With your front teeth missing.” He chuckles. “You’ve grown, my Prince. And I hear you have sons of your own too.”

You beam proudly, and Maekor nods.

“Yes, I do, Jacaerys and Jaehaerys,” your son reveals.

“It’s quite a change,” Cregan says. “You make me feel old.”

“That’s because you are,” you quip

“Likewise.” He counters, making you feign a laugh before you move and point to the tall skinny man next to Maekor. “You probably know him. Lord Ellis Blackwood, son of Lord Benjicot Blackwood.”

Cregan nods. “Yes, we’ve met. I hear a congratulations are in order, my lord, I hear you're expecting your first child.”

Ellis grins brightly and nods before glancing at Valaena. “Yes, twins the maester says.”

Cregan glances at your daughter and offers her a smile. “Congratulations Princess, I’m sure the gods will grant you healthy babes.” He then turns and plucks three roses from the bouquet. “For you and your children.”

Valaena gently takes the roses and brings them up to her nose to smell them, causing a sweet smile to grow on her lips. “Thank you, my Lord, you are very kind.”

Cregan bows his head and now you move on to your last two. “Now, you know…” you trail off as Aerion is gone from the line. “Oh, well here’s Daenerys.”

Cregan stops in front of Daenerys and his smile softens. “Princess,” he greets softly and studies her face.

Daenerys doesn’t know the man before her is her actual father, you couldn’t risk it, so it will always be a secret between Cregan and you.

“Lord Stark,” she greets without as much emotion.

Cregan lingers there before he grabs one winter rose and hands it to her. “It goes with your hair well,” he says, making her giggle.

“It does, thank you.” She then looks at you and smiles.

“Father,” Cregan’s daughter cuts in. “Look they have my favorite, come with me.”

Cregan blinks and then glances at you. “And the rest are for you,” he says and grabs the rest of the winter roses to give you the bouquet. “I’m sorry for your loss, again. We’ll talk later. Yes?”

You smile softly and nod. “Yes. And Lord Stark.” You proceed to approach him and talk quieter. “Join us tomorrow for breakfast. The whole of my family will be there, and I want you to be there as well.”

Cregan holds your gaze with a smile and doesn’t hesitate to answer. “I’ll be there.”

You grin wider and nod in comprehension. “Good,” you whisper and feel your heart skip a beat once again.

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157 notes · View notes

damn-stark · 9 months

Text

Chapter 1 Angelfish

Chapter 1 of Sugar

A/N- I hope you guys like it!

Warning- Swearing, angst? FLUFF, long chapter

Pairing- Suguru Geto x Gojo!fem-reader

Episode- Before episode 2x01

(Let me know if you want to be tagged)

————

What a pretty fish. Its scales are all black, even its little flappy things on its body are black. Its little fins are almost translucent, you’ve never seen one like it before, it’s beautiful, but…lonely.

What a lonely fish.

Not to worry though, you’ll give it company with a fish of your own making, made from your very own technique.

It’s easy to make from the water that already fills the tank, and it’s easy to control as if it were alive too.

The worry that the real fish won’t like it or pay attention does hit you, but luckily the black fish actually instantly grows curious, it spins around the fake fish before it swims away encouraging it to follow. So you make the fake fish move between the plants in the aquarium. It’s like they’re playing a game, and so as to keep up with it you very slowly shift to the left of the aquarium and tilt your head down to follow them with your eyes.

However, that’s when something else appears at the other side of the aquarium, a pair of dark brown eyes, almost dark like the beautiful black fish.

How curious.

There’s a nose too, thin lips, nice high and soft cheekbones, thin eyebrows on a pretty pale face. Albeit the eyes are the most intriguing, they’re easy to get lost into—But what if it’s a figment of your imagination?! Too much waiting for Satoru has driven you insane!

Thus you blink thinking the pair of eyes will vanish, but they’re still there, they’re still looking at you. Hm.

You slowly begin to tilt your head up and never once look away from the pair of dark eyes, nor do they look away. The pair of eyes mirrors your actions and slowly moves with you, managing to heighten your curiosity.

Thus you slowly move to the other side of the aquarium, making sure to stay hidden. And just like before, the other person moves with you. When you reach the right end of the aquarium you slowly walk past the tank as you straighten up and begin to see a tall man in the school uniform. He's very cute, very tall too! He has nice and soft looking black hair held back in a bun, and a strand of hair hanging over his face, adding to his attractiveness; it suits him.

Maybe you should say something…

Fuck, you can’t. Neither of you can, it’s like you’re starstruck.

“It was lonely,” you utter slowly. “I just gave it a friend.” You glance back at the tank and the fish is gone now, of course, you lost concentration so the fish ceases to exist.

“It ate the smaller fish,” he says back and slowly tucks his hands in his pockets.

“Oh,” you mouth as you nod slowly.

He doesn’t look so old. Or not much older than you. Hopefully, he’s at least a couple years older.

“I've never seen you here before,” he points out. “Do you need help?”

If he can help you find your brother then that would be perfect, he seems to have forgotten you were coming today!

“I’m just waiting for someone,” you respond nervously. “Satoru Gojo.”

The guy blinks and sighs. “Yeah, it’s like him to keep women waiting.”

A small chuckle escapes past your lips. “Yeah, I tell him he’ll never find anyone that way. He never listens to me.”

The guy lets out a soft breathless laugh that makes you smile down at the floor all bashfully. It’s kind of embarrassing.

“Have you seen him?” You ask him and slowly meet his gaze again. “He was supposed to be here, like thirty minutes ago.”

The guy scoffs and shakes his head. “Unbelievable.”

“Yeah,” you grumble. “Tell me about it.”

The guy points his head ahead. “I can take you to him if you want.”

You feel your eyes widen before you nod eagerly. “Yeah. Yeah. That would be nice, thank you….uh? What’s your name?”

The guy smiles a very nice and sweet smile. “Suguru Geto…” he swallows thickly and then redirects your question. “You?”

Geto? What? This guy is Satoru’s friend! This is his friend?!

“Oh my god,” you gasp and begin to grin. “You’re Satoru’s friend! He talks about you often, it’s so nice to finally meet you.” You smile wider. “I'm y/n. Y/N Gojo. Satoru is my older brother.”

Geto blinks in disbelief before he shows off a half grin. “Is that so?” He asks and pulls his hands out of his pockets. “You’re much different than what he’s described you to be.”

You scoff and raise a questioning brow. “That so?”

The guy laughs softly. “Don’t worry though, it’s all good things.”

“Yeah, sure, I’ll choose to believe you for the sake of my embarrassment.” You rebuttal teasingly. “Anyway,” you continue and swing to the side. “Will you take me to my brother? I have a few things I need to chew him out about.”

Geto nods and breaks from his spot to begin leading you down the hill. “I’ll join you too then,” he says.

You shake your head. “You’re being too nice. He’s your friend, and my brother. I can do it myself.”

Geto shrugs. “Sure I am, but it doesn’t mean I don't scold him as well.”

You giggle and nod slowly in comprehension. “Well I’ll thank you in advance then. You’ll be the only person to stand up with me against him.” The smile on your face falters. “He’s my parents golden child. The miracle and glory of the Gojo family.”

Geto hums softly. “I can imagine. So that means you didn’t inherit the Limited technique?” He asks as he guides you and steals a quick glance at you.

You shake your head. “Nah, I have an Elemental technique. I can use water, air, and the earth around me. I can conjure up fire and use it as well.” You look over at him and catch his gaze, you notice the curiosity written all over it. He doesn’t look bored, or like he wants to get rid of you fast, he looks intrigued by what you’re saying.

“Really?” He probes. “That must be very powerful. I mean, you’re not dependent on anything that can hold you back.”

“Well, conjuring up fire takes up a lot of energy,” you let him know. “It’s not around us all the time like water, air and dirt. And well…using the elements is heavy. Like a weight. They’re strong, you know.”

Geto nods. “I understand. So that fish then,” he smiles. “Hard?”

You hum and grin happily. “Hardly. Making beautiful things like that is my favorite thing. My favorite though is a fire dragon. Watch.” You stop walking and Geto follows suit and shifts around to face you. “Stick your hand out,” you command.

Geto looks hesitant but he slowly does as you say, letting you take a step closer to him to raise your hand and let your palm hover over his. “It won’t hurt,” you let him know and meet his gaze. “As long as you don’t touch it.”

Geto nods as he holds your gaze. You should’ve looked away right away but you let your gaze linger in his for a moment longer, unable to look away. As if captivated by his eyes.

“Okay,” you whisper, and exhale deeply as you lower his gaze to your hand whilst you touch into your ability that makes your palm begin to glow a bright furious red-orange color. The more energy you use, the deeper you touch into the abilities, and the more the hue spreads out, until it reaches the top of your fingers.

Geto finally looks away from your face and looks down at your glowing palm. As sparks come out of your palm his eyes widen, and his smile softens. Yet that smile then falls as awe overwhelms every single one of his emotions while the flames come out of your palm and slowly create a long dragon with a head, legs, horns and all.

The dragon proceeds to twirl in between the both of your palms before you make it circle around his hand and then spin it around the length of his arm until it’s flying above your heads. Geto doesn’t lose sight of it, and the awe once again lets a grin grow on his features.

“I can create element made creatures,” you interject softly. “By transferring my cursed energy into the elements.”

“Can you use the elements alone?” He asks and blinks to meet your gaze. “Or is creating creatures like more of a solid shot?”

You sigh. “Well it can go both ways, but as of now creating creatures is easier. I have yet to learn how to use the elements alone. They’re…a bit unexpected,” you share.

Geto smiles as he keeps his hand under yours, and you keep yours hovering under his even if the fire made dragon is elsewhere.

“Well,” he says. “I think it’s very impressive. Maybe six eyes and limited is pretty overrated.”

You laugh at his comment, and feel your heart skip a beat and your face slowly get warm. “Don’t let him hear you say that.”

“Let who hear what?” A new voice cuts in, surprising the both of you and making you lose concentration of what you had summoned. When you look to the right there he is, Satoru. Your fucking brother.

All the happiness you felt vanishes, and anger and annoyance takes it’s place as you see his smug face like he hadn’t just left your stranded.

“Y/N!” He greets excitedly and throws his arms out, expecting an embrace.

You clench your jaw and walk to him, you meet him halfway, but rather than embracing him you take the black fur hat off your head, revealing the white hair you inherited from your ever so loving family, and begin to hit him with the hat. “How could you do that to me,” you complain and hit him harder, hoping he’ll get annoyed or mad, but he begins to grin. He finds it amusing. “I was waiting for you Satoru!”

Said man raises his hands in the air and snickers. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I lost track of time.”

You push him back and throw the hat at his face, but he catches it and laughs.

“It’s not funny,” you whine. “You promised you’d show me around and accompany me today, Satoru.”

He sighs and drops his hand to his sides. “I’m here now,” he tilts his head down and you see his eyebrows furrowed slightly. “I see you’ve met Suguru Geto. I guess there’s no need for introductions then.”

You glance back at his friend and smile. You bat your eyelashes and step back beside Geto. “Yes, we met. He, unlike you was nice.” You smile at your brother sweetly, knowing him and his attempt to be protective of you.

“Uh-huh,” Satoru breathes out as he begins to push his shades up and nods stiffly. “Well!” He claps and squeezes his way between Geto and you. “Thank you so much Suguru!” He presses the fur hat on your head and then throws his arm around your shoulders. “I got this from here.” He begins to pull me away to continue on ahead.

Albeit you slip from his hold and turn on your heels to face Geto. “Why don’t you come with us, huh? Satoru is going to take me to my dorm to help me. And we might even get some training in! He wants to see how much I’ve grown with my technique, you can see more of what I can do too! Come.”

Geto’s eyes drift to your brother beside you, and stay there for a moment before he looks at you and offers you a tiny smile. “I’ll give you guys space. Maybe I’ll catch you guys training later.”

You sigh and actually feel kind of disappointed. You want to see more of him. He has such a cool way of speaking. “Hm, okay then,” you play it off cool. “Thank you for being kind.” You offer him a genuine smile. “For listening.”

Geto blinks and nods softly. “Yeah. It was nice to meet you, Y/N. I’ll see you later.” He turns, but before he begins to walk away he peers back and looks at Satoru. “Don’t leave her stranded again. Be good to her.”

A giddy smile spreads on your lips, and you can’t help but watch him walk away with awe.

“Tsk. Who does he think he is?” Satoru grumbles.

You snap my head back and glare at Satoru again. “You.” You point at him and stomp over to push him back again. “Why didn’t you at least text me?”

Satoru sighs and turns to continue walking towards the dorms. “I’m sorry! Really.”

You let out an annoyed sigh and quickly make sure to catch up to him. “It’s bad that our parents just left me at the door, basically throwing me out.” You complain in a voice that loses all the anger, a soft tone that finally expresses the sadness hidden behind the anger. “And then you…” you look down and fiddle with your fingers. “You don’t show up. I had to do everything on my own.”

“I’m sorry,” Satoru says again, softer this time. “Did you at least get to meet the other first years?” He asks.

You shake your head. “No. They were out, I think.” You shrug. “I met my teachers. Which by the way.” You look at him. “Why do they have such huge classes? There’s only three of us First Years.”

Satoru shrugs. “It looks nice? I mean that or get stuck in some stuffy office where you can see the teachers pores and smell their coffee breath.”

You giggle. “The principal had coffee and cigarette breath. It was disgusting.”

“Tell me about it.” He says and then ends the conversation in silence.

You’re still upset about what he did so you don’t try to speak to him, he notices and gets ahead of you to turn and face you instead as he continues to walk back. “I didn’t want to say anything,” he interjects, making you lift your gaze to look at him. “But!” He exclaims with a grin on his face. “I got you something. A welcome present.”

The corner of your lips begin to twitch to a smile as your eyes slightly widen. “What is it?” You ask him.

Satoru points back to the path. “It’s waiting in your dorm.”

You can’t help your smile from growing on your features, it seems he always knows how to turn you around. So without waiting a moment longer now that your excitement is pumping in your blood, you clap and encourage him. “Okay! I’ll beat ya there! It better be a good ass present!”

Without hesitation Satoru runs with you to your room, he of course ends up beating you there…but only by a few seconds.

“Okay,” he says as he blocks your door. “Close your eyes.”

You squeal and do as he says, letting him grab your arm so he can guide you inside once he opens the door to your room.

“I really hope I got this right,” he continues on, only getting you more excited. “Keep them closed,” he whispers as he slowly pulls you further inside the room. “Okay…and now open them.”

You don’t wait one second, you pull your eyes open, and there on your bed is a long black box with one single and beautiful word, ‘Chanel’. It’s hard to stay mad at him now, it’s impossible.

“Oh my god! Oh my god!” You mutter excitedly and run over to grab the box and open it.

Now you might just die. Oh my goodness! Black leather layered knee high boots from Chanel! The ones you wanted but didn’t get because they sold out. He paid attention. He’s a good brother!

You caress the boots with a bright grin before you then quickly turn and throw your arms around Satoru. “Thank you! Thank you!”

Satoru returns the embrace with gentle force. “See, I knew you’d like them. I hope they’re your size.”

You hug him a while longer before letting go and returning to the boots to check. And luckily they are the right size. You’re surprised he knew. “H-how did you get them?” You ask him as you take the boots out of their box.

“I scoured all of Japan,” he says and walks over to fall on your bed. “Besides uh, Mei-Mei helped me too. Which was a bit easier.”

You hum in comprehension and sit back on the bed to take off your shoe. “I got my uniform today too. Which, the boots shall look good with.”

Satoru grabs a pillow off the bed and hugs it against his chest. “Oh yeah? I’ll have to take a look at the whole thing later then.”

“Wait,” you interject and slowly turn your head to look at him with your shoe in hand. “You didn’t take these from any of those girls you like to talk to did you?” You narrow my gaze on him.

Satoru snickers and takes his shades off while he closes his eyes. “No. Trust me they don’t have such expensive taste. The only people who I’ve seen who have good taste is just you and me. It’s like they don’t know what good quality is.”

You smile with relief and continue to pull on the boot. “Yeah, then again not everyone comes from old rich families who kill evil curses for a fucking living—Sometimes I wish we could’ve been raised like the rich kids I see at the malls. They just live on without an actual worry, creating curses for us to exorcize.”

“Yeah, I suppose, but then again if we were normal we’d be boring,” he mutters lazily. “And the world wouldn’t be blessed with my amazing talents.”

You roll your eyes in annoyance and struggle to put the fucking boot on. But once you do, you end up falling back on the bed beside your brother.

Satoru slowly tilts his head to the side and opens his eyes to look at you with a judgmental look. You meet his gaze and beam at him as you raise your foot. “Look!” You exclaim and point to the boot. “It fits!”

Satoru closes his eyes again and sighs. “Good. It would’ve been a waste of money otherwise.”

You drop your leg and smile at the ceiling. “Thank you,” you say again. “You are forgiven too by the way.”

Satoru hums, but doesn’t respond. He keeps his eyes closed, letting you think that he’s had a long day, or he’s giving into the sleep he never actually fully gets.

“Your friend was nice by the way,” you let him know. “Very cute too.”

“Don’t talk about him like that,” he grumbles. “Actually, don't even look at him that way. He’s off limits to you.”

You bat your eyelashes. “Why? Does he have a girlfriend? Is he a player? That’d suck, I mean dealing with you is enough.”

Satoru’s face twists with annoyance. “No. I mean sure, girls like him, but he’s not like that. And you can’t like him because he’s my friend. Mine.”

You scoff. “What, do you like him or something?”

“No! He’s my friend, what if I started to like one of your friends?” He counters sassily.

You glare at him. “You did. And you went out with her! It’s because of you that we’re not friends anymore actually! She said I reminded her too much of you so we couldn’t be friends anymore.” You pout, and Satoru snickers—“Anyway. It’s not like I’m going out with the guy, he’s just cute.” You shrug sweetly. “And that bang really just adds—”

“Shut up,” Satoru cuts you off and slams the pillow on your face.

You groan and take the pillow to quickly sit up and hit him with it, but he’s already on feet. You hear his footsteps towards the door, so you quickly jump off the bed and charge at him. Satoru snickers and quickly opens the door to run out, he tries to slam it closed so you won’t catch him, but you kick it back and run after him.

Thankfully you catch up to him in the middle of the hall, and proceed to jump on his back.

“Get off psycho!” He laughs and tries to grab your face, but you use the pillow and press it against his face. “My hair! My hair!” He muffles and throws himself back on the floor, causing you to land on your back.

It hurts, and you lose the hold on the pillow, letting him easily get a hold of it. “No, no,” you chuckle breathlessly. “Don’t!” You flip around to your other side and sit up on your knees. “I’ll tell mom!”

“Snitch!” He exclaims and pushes himself up to his knees as well. “Moms not here. She doesn’t care anymore. Choose.”

You drag yourself back and shake your head. “No, it’s not fair anymore. You’re stronger than me.”

Satoru gets closer and lifts the pillow, but before he can hit you he lowers the pillow and looks back. You follow his line of gaze and see a pretty girl with short brown hair walking in.

“What are you guys doing?” She asks and sticks a cigarette stick inbetween her lips.

You quickly get up on your feet and shake your head. “Nothing.”

She must be Ieiri Shoko, the only other female student at Jujutsu High.

“You must be Leiri Shoko,” you say excitedly and ignore Satoru as he gets up. “I’m y/n Gojo.” You bow your head softly. “It’s nice meeting you.”

She gets closer but stops as she reaches Satoru’s side. “Likewise. It’s nice finally getting another female classmate. Hanging around boys all the dang time gets annoying.” She sticks her hand out and offers you a sweet smile.

You look at her and then at her hand and quickly shake it. “I hope we can be great friends. After all, we girls have to stick together.” You grin.

Shoko nods. “I absolutely agree.”

“Blah,” Satoru sticks his tongue out in disgust.

You pull your hand away from Shoko’s and look at him with annoyance.

“I’m surprised to see you here, Satoru,” Shoko tells your brother. “I thought you would’ve forgotten.”

“I couldn’t, It’s my little sister,” he mutters back.

You cross your arms over your chest and shoot him a pointed look. Albeit Satoru just smiles at you all innocent like.

“Anyway,” Shoko says and slides her eyes back to you. “Y/N, classes are over for today. Do you want to come to the arcade and then get something to eat? Nanami and Haibara are already there.”

You smile wider and nod without hesitation. “Yeah, that’d be cool. Let me just uh, change to different shoes.”

“Hey!” Satoru calls out as you turn around. “We were going to do something.”

You shrug nonchalantly as you head back to your room. “We can do it tomorrow.”

Satoru scoffs. “Fine. Let me grab Suguru and we’ll meet you girls by the entrance.”

“All right!” Shoko agrees. “Bring your money.”

Much of your life was spent away with your parents at the secluded mansion that was surrounded by green woods, by four tall walls. It could’ve been a lonely life, after all your parents hardly paid attention to you, it seems the servants that worked at the house were better parents. But that’s beside the point, if it wasn’t for Satoru life would’ve been incredibly boring and lonely.

Yet, having a brother did come with consequences. Much of your life was never spent in front of the eyes of your parents, you were always at the side, the afterthought. Much of your life you spent living in Satoru’s shadow. Satoru of course never tried to make it that way for you, but nothing could take away from what he was, special, a miracle.

It was only ever at the private school you want to that it was never the case. A lot of the time people liked to say ‘hey aren’t you Satoru’s little sister?’, but that never much bothered you because to non-sorcerer's all that you were was the rich kids, the weird kids with the white hair. He was never greater than you there. But now? Here at Jujutsu High?

It seems he’s not the only special one here. Sure he exceeds in the category considering his abilities, but here with Shoko and Geto, with your other fellow first years Nanami and Haibara, they won’t go out of their way to make you feel less than anyone. Here you’re the little sister sure, but as of now it doesn’t seem like you’re the afterthought. Here you feel fine with what you got dealt with.

Even if Satoru is still a pain in the ass.

“Hey, so I’ve been meaning to ask,” Haibara, a first year guy, interjects carefully. “Why did you come to Jujutsu High late?”

You look away from the screen and look at the kind looking boy. “Oh, I was abroad with my mom. I wanted to get here at the start of the year, but she didn’t plan it out right so it wouldn’t be possible.” You shrug and glance back at Geto playing against your brother. “You’ll have to catch me up on what I missed.” You flash Haibara a grin.

You then lean closer to the screen as you notice Geto is winning, but seeming to falter with the buttons. Which could lead to him to lose and for Haibara, Geto and you to pay for dinner.

You want to help badly, but you just begin to gnaw on your nails to keep quiet and watch him get excited.

Albeit it’s hard staying quiet, plus the level he’s on right now is one you do know, so before you could burst you yell out. “Down! Hit the down button!”

Geto does what you yell out and makes it past the obstacle that leads him to winning. He won.

“Yay!” You clap and then grab Haibara’s arm and shake him out of excitement; he laughs and interjects.

“Good job, Geto.”

Said man gets out of his chair and faces the both of you with a warm smile. A very nice warm smile. “Thanks y/n, you really saved me,” he says, causing you to smile softly. He then proceeds to lift his hand and leave it open for a high-five. It’s unexpected but you don’t leave him hanging or waiting, you let go of Haibara and high five Geto.

It shouldn't, but that does make butterflies flutter around in your stomach.

“We’re tied now,” Haibara points out. “Y/N, win this for us.”

You grin nervously and quickly rush over and slide inside the seat. Now you’re against Nanami, another fellow first year. Haibara says he’s a good player, but if you try you could beat him. So here goes nothing, all for Satoru’s money!

The game starts and right away you go ahead and begin pressing the buttons fiercely. Ahead of you you hear Nanami’s own buttons, but it doesn’t sound like he’s putting that much force against them like you. Which kind of frustrates you just over the thought that he thinks he’s gonna win this. But! Jokes on him because you’re going to win! You!

“Come on you got this, y/n,” Haibara cheers.

You slightly stick your tongue out and lean in a bit to get closer to the screen as you concentrate further on the game. And as the game progresses and gets close to the end it seems Nanami and you are neck to neck, causing you to grow more nervous and frustrated. You even stand out of your seat and basically slam on the buttons.

“Okay the last commands are a combination, up, right, down.” You hear Geto mutter in your ear, making you almost falter, but you don’t let his smooth voice distract you. Instead you listen and get ready. And when the last combination comes you do what he says and that ends the game, causing a screen to appear with ‘winner’ over it.

“We won!” You exclaim and spin around to high five Geto with both hands multiple times, as if instinct. “We won!” You jump and turn to high-five Haibara.

“Good job,” he says with a grin.

You get cocky and shrug. “What can I say? It was a team effort.”

Footsteps approach, so you twist around and see Satoru there with the other two beside him, frowning with disappointment.

“Oh,” you tease you’re brother. “What is that I hear? Tears of a loser?”

Satoru shakes his head. “I'm not crying.”

You press your hands on your hips and smirk at him. “We’ll see when we order our food.” You turn to face your team with a beaming grin. “Where should we go eat guys?”

Geto smiles too and begins to walk beside you as you walk past Satoru. “How about that nice Soba place down the street? I hear it’s a bit pricey but worth it.”

You grin wider. “Oh, I love Soba. Shoko, Nanami, what do you say? Since we won and I just got here, I say Satoru pays for all of us.”

“In that case soba doesn’t sound so bad,” Shoko plays along with Geto and you.

“That nice one down the street is good,” Nanami joins in with a nonchalant voice.

Satoru groans, but he doesn’t argue. You all end up at the restaurant soon thereafter, and after all the excitement, well, the Soba wasn’t so good, everyone agreed to that quietly, but hey! Satoru did pay so it was worth it! And it also turned out to be a nice hang out spot, there’s no pressure to get out, there’s couches and they even have, like, a cafe at the other side. And since no one wanted to go back to school yet you all stayed to hangout.

“So,” you bring up as you put your legs over your brothers. “I’ve had this kind of recurring thought. What do you guys think non-sorcerers think when they overhear us talking about techniques?”

“I got asked once if we were role playing,” Haibara interjects.

You smile in amusement.

“I got asked if I was talking about Pokémon,” Nanami adds. “Which doesn’t make sense whatsoever.”

“They probably just think we were crazy kids,” Shoko says as she lights her cigarette. “Which I don’t blame them, you guys are.”

Satoru scoffs and shares a speechless look with Geto, which makes the both of them snicker.

“Oh, I got one,” Haibara adds as he leans forward to get seen better by everyone. “If you weren't sorcerers what would you be doing? Like what’s your dream occupation?”

“That’s a nice question,” you tell him.

“I know mine,” Haibara continues. “I think I’d like to be a teacher.”

Geto offers him a gentle smile, and Shoko proceeds to answer as she throws her foot on the coffee table in front of you all. “I think I’d still like to be some kind of doctor. Perhaps not urgent care, but something calmer.”

“I can imagine you already.” Satoru cuts in with a half grin. “One minute in the emergency room, ten cigarettes in her mouth.”

You roll your eyes, and Geto and Satoru snicker amongst each other like a pair of girls, making Shoko then slam her foot on the rest of Satoru’s muffin.

“Oops,” she says and then goes back to relaxing.

She’s so cool!

“What about you Nanami?” Haibara asks.

You tilt your head back and see him shrug before he answers. “Maybe like some business man or something.”

“You should be a cop,” you suggest. “You got the demeanor for it.”

“Y/N’s right,” Haibara says sweetly. “I can totally see that.”

Nanami shrugs. “Eh.”

You grin in amusement to his nonchalant demeanor before you lower your head back down. Alas that’s when you see a piece of muffin getting dangled in your face.

“Foot muffin, want some?” Satoru says in a sing-song voice.

You throw his arm back and protest in disgust. “Ew get that away from me!”

Satoru grabs the piece with his other hand and keeps dangling it in front you, even as Shoko interjects again.

“I can totally see Geto being some kind of monk.”

“What no,” Satoru quickly responds. “What about all those girls after him?”

You finally push his hand away and sit up with a disgusted look on your face.

“Oh I’m sure you’d be more than happy to take them off my hands,” Geto counters.

Satoru winks.

“I think, I’d be a model,” you let everyone know before taking a sip of hot coco. “Something like that anyway. I think my white hair could get me far.”

“Oh, I see it, you totally got the face for a model.” Shoko agrees sweetly, making you beam at her—“and I think Satoru would be a bumpkin with daddy’s money, going from club to club.”

“I wouldn’t complain if I turned out to be a playboy millionaire,” he redirects smugly. “It’d mean people would be envious of me.”

You roll your eyes, and unknowingly Geto and you both groan at the same time. Neither of you say anything on the matter though, you just meet each other's gaze and share a small smile before you look away and grab your mug.

However, that’s when you come to find that its empty. When just before it had half of it still there.

“Satoru,” you whine. “What’s your problem?”

Your brother shrugs nonchalantly, making you groan in discontent before you get up. “I’m going to get more,” you let them all know as you jump over Shoko’s legs and make your way to the counter.

“I’m going to get more too,” you overhear Geto interject, making you smile all giddy like.

“Make it to go you two, we should go home,” Nanami says.

You throw a thumbs up as you reach the counter, and the nice worker quickly tends to me. As you’re about to pay someone interjects from behind you.

“I’ll get another cup of the same tea,” you recognize Geto order close behind you. “Make it in a to go cup please.”

“Will that be together?” The worker asks.

“Yes. I’ll pay.”

You drift your eyes to the corner and notice how close he is. You can feel his warmth now, it makes the butterflies once again flutter around inside you. Your face also begins to get all warm, and this time you grow stiff.

It’s a familiar feeling, but it’s never been so intense, never has it made you this nervous.

“Thank you,” you direct at him as the worker takes his money.

Geto looks down at you and smiles brighter. “No problem.”

He has very nice eyes. They’re soft and bright, full of life. You feel intimidated talking to him, but you build up the courage for your own sake.

“Here’s your change,” the worker cuts in.

Geto shakes his head. “Keep it.”

The worker bows their head and smiles softly. “Thank you, and your order will be ready at the end of the counter,” they let you both know.

Geto nods. “Thank you.”

We both turn and head down. The courage to talk falters, but you can’t have it be awkward, you’ll be classmates too so the atmosphere can’t be awkward. It’d kill you if it was.

“You never answered Haibara’s question,” you bring up. “What would you like to be if you weren’t here?”

Geto glances at you and then looks away and grabs his chin as he thinks. “Hm. Well…” he pauses and hums for a moment before he pulls his hand off his chin and looks at you again. “I think I’d be content helping people,” he says. “Regardless of what I don’t have.”

You smile softly at his answer. “Hm. I like that answer,” you answer honestly. “It’s very you.”

Geto chuckles. “Is it? How would you know that?”

You smirk. “I've got you figured out. Just by your smile,” you let him know.

“Give it to me then,” he probes.

You reach the counter and you lean back against an empty table. “Well, since you were scouted you had a choice to come to Jujutsu, so you chose to come to help the powerless, help those like the ones you were raised around. And your ego isn’t as big as my brothers.” You grin at him. “Did I get it right?”

Geto scoffs in amusement. “Well, that's the gist of it. Now you,” he points at you with his pinky finger as he grabs his chin and studies you. “You got thrown here with no other choice. You fought against it, you wanted to be something else, but your parents are strict, and you still want to make them proud even if you won’t admit it.”

Tsk.

“And you’re not afraid to be who you are because of all the attention they gave your brother,” Geto finishes.

You scoff and avert your gaze as you feel slightly exposed. “Well yeah. That’s it exactly, but,” you add and roll your head up to meet his gaze. “I don’t much mind being here. I like helping, I mean we got the abilites we did for a reason, so I think it’s best not to let it go to waste.”

Geto grins and nods softly. “Well,” he touches his chest. “I got to say I’m impressed. A girl after my own heart.”

Hm? What?

Damn. Your face is getting all hot. Why did he have to say that?

“Your drinks?” The worker interrupts, pulling your attention to them holding the cups with a sense of urgency on their face.

“Oh, sorry,” Geto apologizes and takes them from their hands.

When did they announce that they were out in the first place? Must’ve been when you were talking.

“Here,” Geto says and hands you your chocolate.

You offer him a shy smile and take the cup, managing to accidentally brush your fingers against his.

It’s such a small moment, it shouldn’t be thought about again, but you think about it. You think about his touch and how soft it was, how smooth his fingers are. You think about his hand and how big it is. Fuck.

“Thank you, again.” You utter and pull the cup back.

Geto smiles softly at you, and neither of you add anything. You intend to head back to your group but then a claw machine full of cute little plushies steals your attention.

“Oh, look! Let’s go get one!” Without waiting for a response you run over to the machine. You hastily set your cup down on the table nearby and take change out of your purse to quickly insert it in the slot.

Geto catches up, you can see his reflection getting bigger through the glass.

“Watch this,” you say smugly over your shoulder.

“Okay.”

You smirk and begin to move the claw to get a little squid, and without warning you use your cursed technique to manipulate the air inside the machine to move the little plushie towards the target.

“Uh, that’s cheating,” Geto points out.

“Is it?” You act innocently.

Nevertheless, even with help the plushie ends up sliding off the side when you drop it and stays inside the glass box. “What?” You whine. “No way! It’s so rigged!” You turn to face the guy beside you and see him try to stifle his laugh—“If you laugh I’ll bonk you on the side of the head.”

Geto clears his throat and begins to smirk. “Watch me,” he says and takes your place in front of the machine. “You have more coins?”

You nod and pull them out from your bag to insert them in for him. Geto then begins to move the claw and just like you did, he uses his own technique and summons small little spider curses to help him pull up a little pink dragon.

“Hey!” You exclaim. “Who’s cheating now?”

Geto blinks to meet your gaze and then shoots you a wink.

You roll your eyes and cross your arms over your chest and continue watching him regardless. And unlike you, his curses actually end up helping him win.

“Difference is I actually won,” Geto shows off as he bends down to collect the pink dragon.

You stick your tongue out and just collect your chocolate cup off the table.

“Wait,” he interjects.

“Come on you two!” Satoru calls out and waves you both over. “Let’s go!”

You acknowledge him but turn towards Geto first. That’s when you see him hold the pink dragon out towards you. “Here,” he says softly. “Keep it.”

You glance at the plushee and then at him cautiously. “Really?” You query.

Geto shoots you a soft smile and nods. “Yeah. It’s for you.”

You smile and take the plushee. Yet as you do you don’t pull it from his hand right away, nor does he pull his hand away. You both hold the pink dragon for a moment as you lose yourselves in each other's gazes.

You stay like that for a moment, for a moment that seems to last forever. It’s only until Satoru yells out, “let’s go!” That you take the pink dragon and you both scurry back to the group, and head back home together.

You might’ve come to Jujutsu High late but you’re glad you came.

——

*LATER*

What a way to end a day; a nice warm shower, a good cheesy romantic movie, and…there’s no food.

That bland Soba left you with an appetite—You should’ve gone to the cheaper restaurant, it would’ve been perfect there.

Too late now. Now it’s ramen time.

Maybe you should invite Shoko?

However, a knock raps on the door, piquing your interest. Maybe it’s Satoru?!

You lay the towel down on the desk chair and run over to open the door.

However, the moment you do open the door, suddenly something cold and smooth hits your face, catching you off guard and making you jump slightly.

A booming laugh proceeds to fill the hall, an utterly familiar one that lets you know that your brother is behind this wet thing covering your face.

Albeit another laugh soon joins in too, causing you to wipe the substance off your eyes to see. And the moment you can see again, there’s Suguru Geto beside Satoru. They're both laughing at the fact that you have whip cream on your fucking face.

“That’s for earlier!” Satoru proclaims.

Usually you would have reacted, gotten annoyed and countered his attack, but right now all you feel is embarrassment and disappointment. You don’t even say anything in return, or bother to look longer at either guy, you just turn around and slam the door closed.

So Suguru Geto is just like every other guy?

That’s good to know before you could be blindsided by him and that crush that was growing.

234 notes · View notes

damn-stark · 1 year

Text

Chapter 3 I’d make a deal with god

Chapter 3 of Tragedy at the Miller’s

A/N- I hope you guys like the chapter

Warning- ANGST, violence, death and blood, swearing, long chapter, some fluff :)

Pairing- Joel Miller x daughter!reader, Henry x Fem!reader

Episode- 1x05-1x06 (only the beginning)

(If you want to be tagged let me know!)

————

The street was quiet. And as far as views go, it was the same way as it was in the tunnel, dark and eerie.

The stars overhead were tempting to admire, you felt grateful that you were out of the humid tunnel and breathing fresh air, but the cul-de-sac was too quiet, and you weren’t actually across the river yet. You knew better than to get your hopes up too soon; just like most of what you’ve learned from life, you learned that the hard way.

Yet it seems Henry and Sam don’t quite get that.

Then again how could they know? The farthest they’ve gone out of the city is being in that forest. They only know a small part of what the world is like.

“No,” Henry breaks the silence you had purposely left as you tried to make your way to the bridge. “No one is here. No one’s gonna be here because my plan worked.”

Your dad scoffs in annoyance, “so much goddamn talkin’.”

You look back at Henry over your shoulder and add on too. “We’re not across the river yet, let’s wait to celebrate then.”

“I’m just saying,” Henry continues smugly. “I delivered.”

You smirk faintly and roll your eyes to look back ahead.

“Make this right,” he points out. “Go down the street, embankment behind the last house, and we’re out.”

“So we cross the river and then what?” Ellie asks. “Where ya gonna go?”

You glance over at your dad, and even if it hasn’t been discussed you know that there’s no option but to travel home together now.

At least you hope that’s what he’s thinkin’ too.

“We’re going to Wyoming,” you share and blink to look at your dad for reassurance. “We can go together.”

But as expected when your dad meets your gaze he remains nonchalant. He then peers back at Henry though, and seems to look…unsure. “How about we cross the river and then talk.”

You swallow thickly and look back ahead. Would this really be it?

Ellie notices his look, he reads him like you do and comments on the matter. “Don’t worry he’ll give in. Trust me.”

Trust her?

How long have they been together?

“This is how it goes?” Ellie continues. “He’s like, No, Ellie,” she begins to mock him in a deep voice, causing you to blink in disbelief before you peer back at her. “Never, ever, ever happening.”

Regardless of what uneasiness you felt by his lack of agreeance, what jealousy just sparked, you can’t help but grin in amusement at her teasing.

“And then I’m like,” Ellie continues in her normal voice. “I’m gonna ask you a million more times. And he’s like—”

Before she can finish what she’s saying, she’s suddenly interrupted by the sound of a gunshot whizzing past your ear, and hitting the ground inches away from you.

“Fuck!” Ellie screams, while you cover your ear and throw yourself to the ground, losing that smile.

“Move, move!” Your dad yells and proceeds to grab your arm to yank you off the ground, and push you and Ellie behind a rusted car.

“Y/N,” you hear Henry from the ear that’s not currently ringing. “Are you okay? Did it hit you?”

You groan and shake your head. “No…no,” you pant. “Just went past me.”

“Where fuck is that coming from—”

“Shut up,” your dad cuts Henry off now.

You pull your hand away from your ear as the ringing begins to fade, and look over at your dad peeking past the top of the hood. A gunshot then breaks a car window though, so he ducks his head back down.

“How many?” You ask him.

Your dad shakes his head. “One, I think. I can’t be sure, not from here.”

You swallow thickly and snatch your rifle off your shoulder. You try to suggest a risky idea that comes to mind, but then another gunshot goes off and a hand wraps around your wrist instead.

“Shit,” Henry panics and looks away from the shooter to try and move with Sam at his other hand. “Alright, fuck. Let’s move. Let’s go.”

Without hesitance you yank your arm back and grab his wrist instead to pull him back down. “I’m not leaving my dad. And you can’t just get up like that or you’ll get shot,” you scold him as kindly as you can sound. “Stay down.” You then snap your eyes to your dad and share the idea you had in mind. “I can shoot them, I just need a distraction so he doesn’t end up shooting me.”

A bullet hits the car you’re behind, and your dad lets his gaze linger on you as he thinks about the plan you shared.

You want him to say yes so he’d see that you’re capable, that you’ve changed from that little girl he saw last time, years ago.

However, he shakes his head and sighs.

“Dad—”

“I’ll go,” he cuts you off before you can argue. “You two stay here.” He directs to Ellie and yourself.

“What?” Ellie asks in confusion.

He turns to face Ellie now. “If you don’t move, he’s not gonna hit you,” he tells her, and then looks to you. “I’m gonna go around, try to get in the house through the back, and then I’ll take him out.”

You shake your head and protest. “If you go out there, he’s gonna kill you.”

“It’s dark and he has shit aim. Nobody’s gonna kill me. Besides, I ain’t putting you at risk.”

“You just said—”

“Y/N,” he cuts you off sharply. “Do you trust me?”

You lower your shoulders from their tense position, you let your face soften from its hardened state and nod softly without as much as thinking about it.

Your dad proceeds to pull his gun out and looks to Ellie to speak to her. “If anything happens you stick with her, got it?”

Ellie glances at you and hesitates before returning her gaze to him and nodding in comprehension. After that your dad proceeds to scurry away through the cover of night, making the person in that house try to follow him with their gun to try and shoot him.

And now, while the person is distracted you lift your head over the car's hood to finally take a peek yourself. That’s when you catch only one light reflecting from a window before the bullet hits the ground in front of the car. You proceed to look around at the other houses to see if there were more, but your dad was right it seems to be just one in the house straight ahead.

Just one. Your dad will be fine.

You duck back behind the car and wait. Wait in anticipation. You hold onto your pendant around your neck and wait. A few more bullets go off and hit the objects around you, you wait for them to reload and shoot again, but a longer silence follows now, letting you guess that your dad might have reached the shooter now.

You slowly lift your head and peek out, and luckily this time you see no more reflection. Yet you can’t be assured that your dad has gotten to him, not until you can see him up there giving you all a sign.

However, a few seconds pass of more silence and he doesn’t give you any. Instead you hear one gunshot echo, it doesn’t hit anything nearby it just echoes, meaning one of two things; your dad shot the shooter, or the shooter shot your dad.

You can’t think of losing him just as you reunited, so you’ll go with he’s the one that shot the shooter first.

“It seems your dad got him,” Henry interjects.

You stop fiddling with the pendant and meet his gaze with hope. “Yeah,” you whisper. “I think so too. Let’s just wait until he gives a sign though.”

Henry nods in agreement, and silence follows again. Albeit the silence breaks soon thereafter with a distant scream from your dad. “Run!”

You blink in confusion, and hang your rifle over your shoulder again as you slowly push yourself up to try and get a view of him.

“Run!” Your dad yells again.

Why is he saying that?

And only seconds later is when you begin to hear the distant sounds of engines running. When you snap your eyes ahead you notice headlights down the street, getting larger the closer they get, and brighter as more than one begins to appear.

“Go! Go, go!” You bellow to the group, and push Ellie in front of you so she can get ahead of you so can you run behind her, Henry and Sam.

The closer the leading car gets, the more you hear metal clashing as cars blocking the street get shoved aside. Bullets ring against metal too as your dad tries to shoot the driver of the moving truck, and as Ellie tries to shoot back aimlessly.

You want to shoot at the driver too to at least get that car off your trail, but when you hit the trigger you come out empty since you haven’t given Henry his empty pistol back.

“Fuck,” you grumble. “Fuck. Fuck.”

As Henry and Sam get ahead faster, you mindlessly begin to run past Ellie to try and reach the other end of the street. However, it’s at that moment that you begin to get ahead that you suddenly hear glass clash, brakes then screech before you hear a crash through one of the wooden houses.

You try to look back at the sight, you try to look back even when you hear multiple cars brake behind you, even if it’s one thing you didn’t like to do while running away from dangerous shit, but you remember Ellie had fallen behind, so you look. That’s when you see her on the ground, and multiple people climbing out of their cars.

It’s a fucking risk to go back especially since they all have guns, but you can’t leave her behind, not even if you feel a smidge of jealousy towards her. Maybe giving her the slight cold shoulder is something that you can live with, but leaving her behind is something that would haunt you, so you quickly turn back around on your heels and sprint towards her.

She catches you running at her as she remains stunned on the ground and her eyes brighten before she pushes herself up and then runs at you.

“Come on!” You yell at her. “Come on!”

Ellie quickens her pace as best as she can, and just as you throw your hand out to reach for hers suddenly an explosion goes off at your side, and the force throws you both to the ground.

“Fuck,” you cough out seconds later, and flutter your eyes open, catching a bright raging light now brighten the street. “Fuck.” You snap your head up and see Ellie moving slightly. That fills you with relief over the fact that she isn’t badly hurt. Or at least that’s what it seems like.

“Ellie,” you call out between pants. “Ellie, are you—”

Before you can finish your question though, hands get slapped around your arms and begin to yank off the ground.

“Come on, come on,” someone muffles.

You snap your head back in a panic, but thankfully only see Henry.

“You’re not hurt?” He asks.

You shake your head and get up to your feet. “No, no, I’m okay. Go, help Ellie.”

Henry nods and leaves your side to run to Ellie while you run to Sam behind a car.

“Are you okay?” Sam immediately signs to you worringly once you’re ducked close to him.

You nod quickly and redirect his question. “You okay?”

Sam nods, and both of your gazes lift as Henry and Ellie join you ducked behind the car.

“You okay?” You ask Ellie as she fixes herself between Sam and you.

She nods and mumbles, “yeah.”

Multiple footsteps now step closer, and commands get thrown out that make you stiffen. “He’s up there! Two and two! Around the back, take him out!”

“Fuck!” You hiss. There’s no way to take them out without getting caught or leaving yourself vulnerable. Fuck.

“Dead end, Henry!” You hear a woman shout—Kathleen most likely. “Gonna step out? Save us some time?”

Henry of course doesn’t answer, so Kathleen continues.

“No? That’s alright. Doesn’t matter.”

You rest your head against the car and try to think of some plan to get out of this position. Yet, Henry then interjects. “I’ll come out!”

You quickly snap your head over to him and shake it in protest. “No,” you whisper. “No, Henry no.”

Said man meets your gaze and lets his eyes linger on you. “Just let the girl and kids go!” He shouts.

You keep shaking your head in hopes he’d change his mind.

“No,” Kathleen retorts. “Sorry. The little girl is with the man who killed Bryan. And Sam, and the other girl, well they’re with you.”

You shift your eyes away and scoff.

What the fuck?! What the fuck is her problem? Wanting to kill you, you understand, but the kids?

“You don’t understand!” Henry rebuttals.

But Kathleen doesn’t listen. “But I do,” she counters. “I know why you did what you did. But did you ever stop to think that maybe he was supposed to die?”

What the hell?

You shake your head and curl your lip in anger and disgust.

“He’s just a fucking kid!” Henry yells back.

“Well, kids die, Henry,” Kathleen says without an ounce of sympathy in her tone. “They die all the time. You think the whole world revolves around him? That he’s worth everything? Well, this is what happens when you fuck with fate.”

“Get ready to take him and run,” Henry blurts at you quietly.

You look over at him and see him looking at you. “No,” you rebuttal. “No.”

“Y/N,” he insists. “Yes.”

You try to look angry at his stupid choice, but instead you look hurt.

“Henry,” you whisper, but he then cups your cheek and cuts you off.

“Please. Do it.”

You stare into his eyes and want to argue, you want to yell at him for wanting to risk his life like this, for wanting you to take Sam away without leaving with him, but…you don’t. You trust him and understand this one need, you give in for him, for the love you already harbor.

“Fine,” you whisper and look over at Sam, noticing Ellie take his hand for you.

“It’s time, Henry,” Kathleen interjects. “Enough!”

You look back at Henry and meet his gaze, seeing him hesitate for a few seconds. So you reach for his trembling hand and give it a gentle squeeze. He proceeds to let his eyes linger in your hurt gaze for a moment longer before he averts his gaze, and puts his head back to pant and then whisper to himself, “okay,” before he stands up and raises his hands while he slowly steps towards the aggressor.

“It ends the way it ends,” Kathleen says after a few seconds of silence, and cocks her gun before she shouts another command. “Grab the girl he’s with too, I want him to see her die.”

You gasp and freeze since you know she only means you.

“No!” Henry shouts. “Wait, no! Not her! She had nothing to do with it! It was just me!”

Footsteps begin to approach, and your heart begins to race, your hands begin to shake, but you put on a brave face and roll your eyes to the side to glare at the rugged man approaching you.

“Touch them and I’ll kill you,” you grimace.

The man tries to grab you, but you stand up by yourself and step away from him. “Don’t you dare,” you snap and raise your hands.

“Come on,” the man orders and points the gun forward.

“No,” Kathleen adds now as you get forced to stand by Henry. “She might have not had anything to do with it, but you care about her.”

You drift your eyes to Henry, and end up meeting his angry and worried gaze.

“It’s okay,” you mouth to him with an assuring look and smile. “It’s okay.” You drift your gaze back to Kathleen and shoot her an unbothered glare.

There’s only one man next to you, the others are standing a bit too far to react too fast. They wouldn’t let one of their own die would they? They cared so much about the one person your dad killed, so….

Quickly before anyone can react to you, you fist your left hand, and quickly swing your fist up to punch the man’s forearm to make his aim fall from your head.

“Wait!” you hear Kathleen yell as guns point at you now.

You then quickly spin around and ram your fist in his throat to leave him incapacitated while you snatch his gun from him, and then use your foot to swing it under him to sweep him off the floor.

When the guy hits the ground you instantly point his gun at his head, and step on the back of his hand before slowly glaring up at Kathleen.

She looks stunned, so you take this time to look over at Henry, catching his own shocked and awed look.

“Come close and I’ll shoot him,” you threaten all of them. “Your revenge can’t mean more than your man’s life now does it?” You taunt Kathleen with a sly smirk.

Kathleen moves her gun to point at you and parts her lips to say something, but she then cuts herself off as the sound of rubble and creaking metal steals everyone’s attention, including Henry’s and yours.

At first it doesn’t seem like much, just the ground beneath the truck crumbling due to the explosion. But it’s from that same hole that the truck falls into that lets out the sound of distant groaning and growling. Infected….

You remove your foot off the man under you and help up so he can run away. You then snap your head over to Henry, and he meets your gaze to share a knowing look since no one can deny the sounds.

Yet before either of you can run away dozens, no, hundreds of infected climb out from the ground and don’t waste a second to charge at everyone that is formed in front of the hole. They all try to shoot at the runners and the clickers that charge at them, but there’s too many, too many overwhelm them immediately—It’s so many of them climbing out of the ground.

You’ve seen hordes before, you’ve run from dozens of infected before, but never like this, never from one’s running out of a fire pit as if they were spawn out of hell.

The sight freezes you out of fear, leaves you vulnerable, until Henry runs at you now that the men focused their attention away from him and you, and breaks you from your stupor.

“Come on!” He yells, and you both run to the kids still ducked behind the car.

“You have my gun, I have the man’s,” you tell Henry as you duck and hide with the kids. “Take Sam and go, I’ll take Ellie and be right behind you.”

Shooters approach the car you’re hidden behind and begin shooting at infected climbing on the car. More fall at your side as bullets come from the house where your dad is in. And before long, as more infected approach, you all bolt away from behind the car to run to your dad.

However, more infected swarm the area and get in your way, so you lose sight of Henry and Sam quickly as they don’t stop running. You on the other hand use the man’s gun and shoot at the clickers and runners that charge at Ellie and you.

“Go!” You yell at Ellie. “Go, I have you covered!”

Ellie runs on ahead, and you kill any threats that are near her. Once there’s no infected ahead of you, you follow after Ellie as she runs towards a van nearby that has a window slightly opened.

A clicker closeby hears her running footsteps however and tries to charge at her, but you quickly stop in your steps to shoot it and then move the aim to shoot the other infected that can be a possible threat.

“I’ll open the door for you!” Ellie yells back as she approaches the car.

You watch her get inside through the window, and immediately more infected try to reach her through the windows; they pound and claw. You clear as many of them as you can until your bullets run out and you have no choice but to throw the gun out and use your own rifle.

Yet that has few bullets in it too, luckily your dad helps you take out as many as he can around the car and you, while Ellie crawls to the door to try and open it for you from the inside. And when you turn to grab the door handle, suddenly a stalker tackles you down to the ground.

“Oof.” You breathe out as you slam to the ground, and end up losing your gun.

The stalker tries to bite down at you, but you quickly throw your head to the side, and throw your hands up to keep it away. You want to kick it back and use your knife, but then a bullet goes through its head and it falls limb, letting you crawl back away from its corpse. You then look up at the window and give your dad a thankful nod.

He nods back, so after that, before more infected come and swarm you, you get up and find your gun first, before you face the car to get Ellie.

Neverthless, at that moment as you turn you notice a different kind of infected. It’s larger than others, tall, and plump. It has fungus coming out of its head like a clicker, but this one also has fungus growing out of its entire body. It’s…terrifying. It’s fucking horrifying, but you don’t freeze this time, you can’t. You just push its presence to the back of your head and face the car again. That’s when you see a child clicker climb in the same car Ellie is hiding in.

You know your dad has you covered from any infected around you, so you quickly throw the door open and hastily help Ellie out of the car as the clicker flips over the seats to try and reach her.

“Come on!” You urge her after you close the car door. “We’re almost there!” You grab her wrist to run towards your dad together, but she quickly stops you and points out.

“It’s Sam and Henry!”

You follow where she points to, and see the both of them under a car trying to kick away the clickers that are trying to grab them. However, there’s too many infected in your way, too many for you and Ellie to take down without getting swarmed….

Wait! That’s right...

You look up at your dad at the same time Ellie does, and you both speechlessly ask him to cover you with your looks alone.

He’s hesitant at first, but he gives you both an assuring nod, letting you both then run towards Henry and Sam.

“You help Sam, I’ll get the one on Henry!” You tell Ellie as you maneuver past bodies of the infected your dad was killing in your path.

“Okay, yeah!” She replies through pants.

You narrow your eyes on the clicker that has Henry by his feet, ignoring the car that races past behind you and quickening your pace to get closer.

Just as you approach Henry, the clicker drags him out of hiding, it wants to bite him, but you quickly lift your rifle and shoot it right in its head, killing it.

“Come on,” you tell Henry urgently as you help him to his feet. “You’re okay,” you assure him before you turn on your heels, noticing Ellie managed to get the clicker off Sam, but she can’t stab her knife deep enough to kill it. So you lift your gun and help her kill it, letting her then help Sam off the ground.

“Go, go!” You yell at everyone.

Quickly, before more infected can come towards you, you all bolt towards the house your dad is inside of. You climb up the yard hand in hand with Henry, you’re close to getting out, but then Kathleen stops you all.

“Stop!”

Henry pushes you all back behind him to block you all from her gun, but you still raise your rifle to try and use your last bullet on her.

Albeit that’s when you notice the child clicker from before sneaking up from behind her, and lower your gun instead. Kathleen blinks in confusion, and follows everyone’s line of gaze. But, she notices the clicker too late and it tackles her to the ground before she can react.

It hits her repeatedly, and overpowers her, all she can do is scream.

As bad as she was, that fate is still horrible.

“This way now!” You hear your dad yell, breaking everyone from their shock. You then look over at him in shock and watch him pushing Ellie and Sam towards the bridge just behind the houses.

“Move!” He yells and turns you around so you can keep moving behind Henry. He follows last, making sure no one or nothing follows you from the bloodbath that was now the cul-de-sac.

——

*LATER*

“Pew…pew. As the Raven 01 approaches the red planet….”

You put the paper your food was wrapped in down and drag your feet back against your chest to continue listening to Ellie reading with Sam.

Compared to all the terrified screams, all the infected growling and groaning, all the gunshots, and burning flames that had filled your ears on your way to the motel, listening to her read in the silence of night was calming and peaceful.

“You think they’ll be okay?” Henry asks out loud, breaking the silence that was between him, your dad and you.

“Yeah,” your dad nods. “I think.”

You hug your legs and look over at him as he continues.

“It’s easier when you’re a kid anyway….” He pauses and glances at you before looking at Henry. “You don’t have anybody else relying on you. That’s the hard part.”

Being scared isn’t easy, not knowing how to help because you’re young isn't easy, but he’s also right.

“Well,” Henry interjects. “I guess we’re doing a good job then.”

Your dad nods softly in agreement, and you can’t help but smile down at your knees since they seem to be getting along more now.

“What’s that comic book say?” Your dad asks. “Endure and survive?”

You lift your gaze to look at the Savage Starlight comic book Sam and Ellie are reading, and scoff softly before you nod. “Endure and survive,” you repeat.

“That shits redundant,” Henry retorts, making you smile in amusement.

“Yeah,” your dad agrees. “It’s not great.”

You shake your head and laugh softly. “No.”

Savage Starlight was a comic book you often saw lying around, but you never got into them so much. You always enjoyed more of uh…romance, some horror, thrillers, comedy, and fantasy.

“Look, Henry,” you hear your dad continue, making you snap your eyes to him and sit up as you’re filled with curiosity. “I don’t know exactly how I’m gettin’ to Wyoming. I’m probably walkin’. But you know if you want to.”

Your smile grows wider, and your gaze grows softer as you understand your fathers invitation to Henry.

“Yeah,” Henry agrees. “Yeah. Yeah, I think it’d be nice for Sam to have a friend. I’ll tell him in the morning. New day, new start.”

You’re filled with joy now, and that fear of rejection washes away….

At least you hope your dad is also referring to you.

“What about me?” You interject to double check. Even if you might know the answer.

Your dads eyes snap to you and he scoffs before he retorts. “How do you think we’re getting there?”

You smirk and then glance at Henry sitting on a table beside you to share a soft smile with him.

“I don’t why you had to ask,” your dad mumbles.

You then look at the kids, and notice Sam fiddling with the pendant you had given him.

“Just makin’ sure,” you say and drag your legs down. “Maybe y’all wanted to leave me behind….” Wait…you catch that comment the moment it comes out. It’s wrong…it seems like a jab directed to your dad, but you didn’t mean it that way.

You snap your eyes over to him in hopes he didn’t take it that way, but you can’t tell, he’s looking away, his lips are formed in the same serious line. Fuck. Fuck….

Let’s just hope he didn’t take it badly.

You swallow thickly and look ahead, noticing Henry in the room with the kids, and Sam still holding the pendant. So choosing to just brush off your concern so as to not overthink about it, you get up and walk in the room, seeing Sam walk to the other bed now.

“Goodnight,” you sign to him as he notices you walk in.

He offers you a faint smile and redirects your comment. “Goodnight.”

Henry walks back in the room, and before you can follow him you check on Sam since he was holding the pendant. “Are you feeling okay?” You question him.

Sam nods in assurance, but you can notice his frown and a…sad look in his eyes.

“Are you sure?” You press.

Sam nods again. Perhaps it was just the events of tonight then.

“Okay,” you continue to sign to him. “No story tonight?”

Sam shakes his head. “Tomorrow,” he signs back.

You smile and nod in agreement. “Sounds good,” you sign. “Goodnight.”

Sam offers you a faint smile as a response, and before you can leave the room you glance over at Ellie and offer her a very faint smile that’s a bit forced. Maybe she’ll grow on you soon enough. Once your dad explains why they’re traveling together. Hopefully.

Anyway, once you close the room door behind you, rather than sitting back down, and since there was no other room in this curtain room you’re camping in. And since you don’t want your dad hearing your conversation with Henry, you meet your partner's gaze and point to the exit.

Henry doesn’t seem to understand though, so you point to the door again. But nothing.

You roll your eyes and just break the silence. “I’m going to get some fresh air before bed.” You nod slowly, and before anyone can say anything you make sure you have your knife with you before you walk over to the door, and push the table that’s blocking the exit to the side before walking out. Hopefully, Henry understands, and hopefully your dad doesn’t walk out. As funny as that would be, it’s not who you want to talk to.

Regardless, as you wait you lean against the railing and look up at the shining stars painted on the night sky. You smile up at them and watch them twinkle. The door opens, and you quickly peer back, seeing Henry walk out. Thankfully.

“Hey,” you greet him in a whisper.

He closes the door and walks to your side first before returning a greeting. “Hey.”

You look back at the sky and continue to watch the stars. “You know there’s a way to navigate around using the stars.” You share with him.

Henry hums. “I didn’t know,” he says. “Do you know how to?”

You nod and drop your gaze to look at him, noticing he was already looking at you. “Yeah, I do,” you admit.

Henry smiles and scoffs. “Of course you do.”

You laugh softly. “Well it’s kind of convient you know, very helpful..”

“Is that why you like to stare at them all the time?” He asks.

You let out a small breath and shake your head. “No. I just like to watch them, it’s fascinating really; space, all of it.”

Henry hums and averts his gaze, he grabs the rusted railing and brings a short silence.

You notice his smile faltering, so you quickly probe. “What is it?”

Henry gently hits the wood and lifts his gaze to meet yours. “Thank you,” he says. Again. “What you did back there, to that guy…” he swallows thickly and goes shy. “No one has ever done that before. You know usually when things go down like that people scatter to protect themselves…I’m guilty of that, but you…” he pauses and his eyes soften, whilst you now feel caught by surprise. “…you stuck around all three times,” Henry continues. “You shouldn't have, but you did, and you saved me and Sam. Thank you.”

Your smile widens and trembles, and your heart races inside your chest, but you grab his hand and offer him a soft look. “You were worth it,” you redirect sweetly. “All of it. And when it’s worth it there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to protect the ones I love.”

Henry looks caught off guard for a few seconds, but he quickly manages to shoot you a smile before he cups your cheek to pull you in for a kiss. A sweet and passionate one that makes you wrap your arms around his neck. That lets you move in sync with another, and makes you press yourself against the wall next to the door.

Henry seems to be taken back by your passion, but he just smiles and goes with it, letting himself get swept up by you. The only reason you pull back is to catch your breath.

“You know I think you were right,” he says between pants. “I think your dad—”

“Please,” you cut him off and press your finger against his lips. “Don’t talk about my dad,” you whisper and giggle. “Not right now.”

Henry snorts and nods. “Right,” he mumbles, letting you drop your hand back to your side—“but we should get some sleep, I imagine we have a long day of walking tomorrow.”

You smile sweetly and lean in to whisper against his lips. “Yeah I know, but why not stay out here a while longer, hm? Maybe find a more discreet place to go take this further.”

Henry gapes and blinks rapidly. “I,” he breathes out and shakes his head.

You grin and cup his jaw. “It’s okay if you don’t want to,” you assure him. “I’m fine just being with you here.”

Henry shakes his head again and quickly throws out his response, “No I want to, I do. Do you?”

You grin softly and press your hand against his chest, feeling his heart racing.

“Don’t worry,” you assure him as you hold his gaze. “You’ll be okay. You’re with me.” You pull back, and drop your hand to your side to grab his, and pull him down the stairs with you. “Come on!” You grin happily.

——

*THE NEXT DAY*

“Sarah,” you whisper and slowly walk further inside her dark room.

She hums and shifts on her bed. “Hm?”

“I'm scared,” you whisper. “There’s something in my room.”

Her bed creaks and thanks to the moonlight reflecting inside through her window by her bed, you see her sitting up and rubbing her eyes. “Okay,” she mumbles and slides over to the other side of her bed. “Come on.”

You smile with relief and run over to the bed to climb on and lay beside her.

“What was in your room?” She asks as she lays her head back down on the pillow.

You pull the blankets over you and flip to your side to face her. “A…monster, I think.”

She smiles weakly and wraps her arm around you. “Maybe you just heard dad snoring.” She mumbles.

You sigh unsurely and watch her close her eyes to try and drift back to sleep.

“Do you want me to tell you a story?” She asks quietly.

You perk up and grin softly. “Just one,” you agree.

“Okay, well—”

“Ahh! Ahhh!”

Suddenly the dream you were having is interrupted coldly by the sound of distressed yelling that makes you gasp, and sit right up out of instinct.

However, it’s as you sit up that the door is slammed open and Ellie is thrown to the floor by….by Sam growling, groaning, and snapping his teeth as he tries to claw at her. She tries to push him off, but she can’t fight him. Or she really doesn’t want to…

But why?

Why?

Why is he acting so violent, why is he trying to bite her? Why is making those noises?

You sit there wide eyed, frozen by horrifying fear that inside, deep inside your heart you understand why it grows so furiously. You can identify what those sounds coming out of Sam mean, you’ve heard them what feels like all your life. You know…But you don’t want to accept it. You don’t want to accept his sudden fate.

He’s so young, so innocent, so sweet and kind. It can’t…it can’t be true. It can’t be happening again…

He can’t…

“Nope, nope, nope,” you hear Henry repeat, and when you look up you see him on his feet, pointing your dads own gun at him as he slowly stands up.

“Joel!” Ellie cries out.

Sam is going to bite her…he’s going to bite her…

You try to reach for your own knife since you know you’re out of bullets. You want to help her before it takes her too…you want to help your dad and Henry, but you can’t move a muscle, your fear paralyzes you as well as your denial.

You can only keep watching…just like when…Sarah died. You can only watch.

Henry shoots at your dad, you can hear the bullet, and his yell even after you cover your ears. You can feel it carve the ground, but that still doesn’t make you move.

“Joel!” Ellie cries again as Sam doesn’t stop.

He’s going to bite her. Sam he’s…

And suddenly there’s another gunshot, but this time rather than feeling it hit the ground, you hear a thump, and then silence. Deafening silence.

Finally as Sam stays still on the floor, you slowly get up and take a step towards him. You notice the dark blood spilling out and staining the ground, you still wait…You wait for him to get up. He has to. It can’t be happening again…he couldn’t have turned. He has to wake up.

You slowly put your hands down. “Sam?” You call out quietly even though you know he wouldn't have heard you either way, it’s just a desperate attempt.

“Ellie,” you hear your dad call as the girl sits there in disbelief at what just happened. “Are you okay?” You hear him ask her.

You worry if she’s bit, you want to ask if she’s okay too, but all you can focus on is Sam, you wait if he’ll move at least his chest to show he’s breathing.

Your dad tries to move toward Ellie, but he comes to a quick stop as Henry points his gun at him. He’s just shocked, that’s it.

Thinking he won’t do anything to you, you take another step towards Sam.

However, that's when you hear an abrupt stop. “No…don’t.”

You snap your gleaming eyes towards Henry, and see him pointing his gun at you now. Your dad quickly notices his new aim, and slowly puts his arm across you to try and shield you.

Henry’s just shocked. He’s just…shocked.

“Easy, easy, easy,” your dad tries to calm Henry down whilst he puts his hands out to try and grab the gun in Henry’s hand.

“Henry,” you call out quietly.

Said man's eyes drift to you, and tears immediately fill his eyes at the sight of you. “What did I do?” He asks you.

You try to tell him that he helped Ellie, that his brother was going to hurt her, but you can’t…you can’t muster a single word since you’re still in denial yourself.

“What did I do?” Henry asks again and keeps his gun pointed at you. “What-what-what did I do?” His eyes drift to his brother still on the floor, and you follow his line of gaze, realizing now—no, accepting at that moment as he lay still, as more blood spilled out of him, that Sam was gone.

It hits you like a bullet to the flesh, so suddenly. The realization shakes your entire core, making that painful anguish that you had pushed back bust through that shield of denial.

He’s gone. Sam’s gone. He was infected and now he’s gone.

“Sam?” The sound of Henry’s broken voice snaps your watery gaze back to him.

“Henry, gimme the gun?” Your dad pleads softly.

“Henry,” you call out quietly through tears. “Henry, please.”

Said man’s eyes drift to you and your dad, but he then focuses solely on you.

“Gimme the gun,” your dad continues to say. “Gimme the gun.”

“Henry,” you interject in a brittle voice, and take a step towards him to try and take the gun. “Just give me the gun, okay? Let’s talk.”

Henry holds your gaze for a moment and blinks before looking at Sam again. And finally he begins to lower his hand.

You try to encourage him, “yeah just—” but you cut yourself off immedietly as you see him move his hand to now point the gun at himself instead. You know what he intends to do, you yell at him to stop, but a gunshot goes off, causing you to quickly cover your ears. Yet you still hear a loud thump hit the floor.

Now…you just stand there, looking at the now empty space where Henry had one stood. You stand there frozen and quiet. You stand there panting, and with dry eyes.

Your dad stands before you, he talks to you, you see his mouth moving, but you don’t register his muffles that go through your covered ears because you can’t accept this now. If you keep looking at the wall, it’s like nothing ever happened. If you keep your eyes on the wall you won’t have to accept it, if you stand here time will stop….

You hoped anyway. You wished.

“Y/N! Look at me, baby,” you hear your dad yell at you, making you snap your eyes to him before you slowly drift your eyes down to see….

Oh god.

Oh god….

You drop your hands from your ears, and gasp as it feels like the air in your lungs is knocked out of you at the sight of his lifeless body, at the feeling of realization slamming into you, piercing your very heart now and shattering it and your entire being.

Henry’s gone. He’s gone just like Sam. They’re both gone….Henry’s gone….

But maybe…

“Henry?” You call out desperately as you watch him, hoping he’ll wake up. “Henry?” You call out again and step away from your dad to walk to Henry. “Henry, please,” your voice quivers as he remains unresponsive.

“Henry,” you mewl and fall on your knees beside him, on the pool of blood that now surrounds his upper body. “Henry.” You whisper and slowly reach for him to turn him face up. That’s when you see his lifeless eyes, the blood that now stains his face, and the tear stains on his cheeks. And it hits you again, but now it’s more powerful, more painful.

“No,” you cry and shake your head. “No, please Henry,” you sob and cradle his face for a moment before you cradle his body. “No, no….” You drop your forehead on his and shakily gasp for air as you can’t stop crying. “Please…please…someone help me….Henry…don’t do this to me, please.”

A hand falls on your shoulders, making you gasp and look back.

“Y/N,” your dad whispers.

“Daddy,” you mutter, “you have to help me. Please. Please.”

“Oh baby…”

You shake your head as he cradles your face in his hands.

“Dad,” you cry out desperately. “Please!”

He shakes his head, and tears fill his eyes only because he sees the heartbreak in your eyes as you hold your partner's dead body in your arms.

“He’s gone,” your dad says.

No.

No…

You pull your face away from your dads hold to look back at Henry, and lay your head on his chest.

He’s gone and there’s nothing you can do about it. Again. Someone else is gone and you can’t do anything about it. So you close your eyes and cry against him out of defeat, heartbreak, and agony.

“We can bury them,” your dad says softly. “Come on.”

Slowly he takes his body from you, and you let him, and just sit there. He takes Sam’s body soon thereafter, you can’t tell when, time just loses meaning, it all blends together.

Eventually you make it outside to where your dad and Ellie had buried Henry and Sam. You don’t know how, or when exactly you walked out, but feel the chilly breeze of the morning hit you, you feel the brightness burn your retinas for a moment until you grow accustomed to the brightness.

You see them no longer, only dirt over two unmarked graves. You feel only tears roll down your cheeks, and that agony in your heart as you realize you’ll never see them again, you won’t go to Jackson together.

You sit between their graves and just lose your gaze on the grass brushing against the wind. You sit there cold and hopeless. You sit there even as Ellie puts Sam’s board down on his grave, as you hear her speak to your dad once she’s up and behind you.

“Which ways west?” She asks.

There’s silence before there’s retreating footsteps. You were moving on, you had to, there was no one else to wait for now, there was no one else to go with now.

“Y/N,” your dad breaks the silence. “I have to tell you something…”

You keep your eyes lost on the grass, and wait for him to continue.

“Ellie…she’s immune…”

Is this some joke? Some sick fucking joke?

You gasp and peer at him over your shoulder to shoot him a disgusted glare.

“Dont,” you croak because of all of your crying. “Don’t fucking joke.”

He stands there with a serious, deadpanned look on his face. “I’m not,” he assures you. “It’s true, I saw her get bit and she didn’t turn. Do you really think I would joke about that?”

You blink in disbelief and look back at the grass ahead of you.

Joining the fireflies built a hope in you that maybe there was a chance for the world to get better. It was hard not to believe what they believed in, for a hope for humanity. A hope that could’ve saved so many lost friends…that could’ve saved Sam. So hearing this now coming out of your dads lips isn’t completely unbelievable, not to you.

“That’s why I need to take her to your uncle Tommy,” he continues. “So he can take her to the Fireflies.”

So he? He?

As if a bucket of cold water had just been dumped on you, now you’re hit with a cold reminder, your anger towards your father. Those words he just spoke trigger it, the heartbreak you bear now only fuels it, blinding you with rage.

“So what?” You scoff, and stand up to spin around and face him with that burning anger in your watery eyes. “You’re going to dump another one of your burdens on uncle Tommy? Just like you did me?”

Your dad shakes his head and mutters out, “you’re just upset. Let’s go, we can talk about it later.”

You shake your head and step towards him to continue. “I have every right to be upset! I have every right to be mad at you, you left me,” you whisper and feel angry tears now roll down your cheeks. “You…you!” You cry out and hit his chest.

“Y/N,” he mutters and averts his gaze.

You swallow back the thick lump that grows in your throat and spat back. “Why? Hm? All I ever did was love you, even if you were mean—”

“I kept you alive,” he cuts you off bluntly with his eyes barely on you.

“Yes,” you scoff. “But I still needed my dad….” Your voice quivers. “And…you still left…Why? W-was it because I…was never good enough for you? I’m sorry….I’m sorry I wasn’t the perfect daughter, I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough then. I’m sorry I wasn’t worthy enough for you to stay with me, for you to take me with you.” You sniffle and wipe away your tears. “I'm sorry I wasn't important enough for you to call me throughout all those years. I waited,“ you mumble. “I did. But no.” You shake your head and wipe your tears away.

“I just hope you don’t hurt that girl the same you did me,” you continue. “I hope she’s the daughter I never was for you.” You scoff and hit your hands against your thighs.

“No, don’t say that,” he interjects. “And don’t pit your anger against her.”

You let out a shaky sigh and tilt your head down slightly as you keep your eyes on him. “I’ll take you to uncle Tommy,” you add bluntly. “But that’s it. I’m done with you after that.” You shove past him and pick up your backpack and rifle off the floor. You make it to the street but stop to add one more thing as you see Ellie a few feet away waiting for you and your dad to catch up.

“I won’t pit my anger against her. I just hope you do better.”

——

*A MONTH LATER*

It was quiet. Not outside; you can hear the birds chirping their morning song as the sun slowly rises, you can hear Ellie shuffling on the ground restlessly. It’s quiet inside your mind.

At first, those first few days after, your mind raced with different possibilities, denial, different outcomes…hopes. It was loud with anger, but now it’s quiet. Now as you hold the cold gold sun pin in your fingers your mind is just absolutely quiet, all there is is a picture of him, Henry, in your head.

There’s a coldness in your heart. Another gap missing that he and Sam left. It makes those nights you had to sleep, sleepless, restless. Like now. Your dad let you sleep, but you couldn’t keep your eyes closed, you couldn’t get that….that scene of a month ago out of your head. Everytime you close your eyes you see Henry and Sam, see them lying on the ground with blood around them. Their deaths replay in your head over and over again until you open your eyes. So it’s easier just to stay awake and study the sun pin in the silence….

Then again it’s not so quiet outside….Ellie keeps moving. You flip to your other side and the first thing that you notice is your dad passed out…

What a damn good watchman. Old man.

Pft.

You drift your eyes across from you and see Ellie has her back turned to you. She’s still for like a minute before she moves again.

Maybe she’s thinking about them too? Because she can’t be asleep with all that moving.

You haven’t talked to her since it happened—no, lies you did but it was just like a few words, “do you want some of my food?” “Do you want to help me keep watch?”. She was always eager for both, but beside that nothing else was said. And you do know what grief is, you know how it feels, she may not have known them long, but Sam and her still bonded, their deaths were still…impactful…

It’s not like your dad has talked about it anyway. It’s not like he would.

“Hey,” you whisper and stretch your foot out to tap her. “Are you awake?”

There’s a second of silence before Ellie slowly looks back and looks a bit disbelieved. “Yes,” she mutters.

You spare one glance at your dad to make sure he’s still sleeping before you continue. “Do you want to go for a walk? He passed out.”

Ellie pulls down her sweater and looks down to see for herself before she meets your gaze and answers hesitantly. “Sure.”

You smile softly and tuck the pin in your pocket before you get up, and very carefully grab your backpack and gun off the ground. Ellie grabs her gun and leaves her backpack where it is. As you head out she just does one more double take to make sure your dad is still sleeping, before she runs over to catch up to you heading to the windmill that’s across the small abandoned farmhouse you were camping at for the night.

“So,” Ellie rolls out with a slow head nod. “Can I hold your gun?”

You hold onto your backpack strap and look over at her with slight curiosity. “Do you know how to use it?” You ask her.

Ellie shakes her head. “I can be taught though.”

You hum and look back at the windmill you're walking to and give her a proposition. “How about you can keep watch through the scope. Feel the weight first.”

“It’s better than nothing,” she groans.

You scoff softly in amusement and open the wooden door to let her walk in first, before you close the door and follow her up the creaky wooden stairs against the wall, until you reach a platform that’s put against the window that overlooks what was once a secluded farm.

“Here,” you interject, and put your gun down to sit on your knees so you can take off your poncho and lay it on the dirty ground. “You can sit there.” You then proceed to take off your jacket and lay it over your spot. “And I’ll sit here.” You mumble and sit back down.

Ellie looks down and hesitates. “We’re already dirty anyway.”

You shrug. “But now you won’t be cold, and you’ll be comfy.” You click your tongue.

Ellie spares you a quick glance before she sits, she wants to reach for your gun, but she suddenly stops and goes wide eyed.

“Oh my god,” she gasps and crawls closer to you. “You have tattoos! No way!” She grins and studies the tattoos on your arm. “That’s so cool.”

You smile softly, and turn your body so she can see the crescent moon tattoo shaped from curved lines; it almost looks like it was a smoke moon. She then hovers her fingers over the small stars that are scattered around the area, and then looks down at the falling angel woman. But lastly she takes her time on one in particular, a small one on your forearm.

“What’s this?” She asks and points to it.

You look down and giggle. “What did you think it is?”

Ellie scoffs and smirks. “A dick?”

You smirk. “It’s supposed to be a middle finger. My uncle Tommy and I got drunk for my 21st birthday. He wanted to give me a tattoo so he drew a hand giving the middle finger, but he, uh,” you snort. “Failed, so now I will always have a little dick tattoo.”

Ellie snickers and sits back down with your rifle in hand.

You move your arm and twist your body to show her the back tattoo. “I also have this one.” You point out.

Ellie shifts back around, and you give her a few seconds before you turn to sit back.

“That’s so cool!” She says with a smile. “I want one.”

You glance over the golden grass and smile softly. “My friend, she does tattoos. Perhaps when you’re older she can do something on you. Just don’t get it while drunk.”

“Why stars and a moon?” Ellie probes.

You shrug softly. “I liked it, and I like the Galaxy, the moon, everything.”

Ellie turns her head, and you see a wider smile. “Really? That's nice, I do too. Or more the aspect of going to space.”

You grin and look at her. “Really? That’d be cool. Like, uh,” you snap your fingers until you remember the name. “Like Sally Ride.”

Ellie's eyes go wider. “Yes!” She exclaims. “Exactly like her! Like if I could choose a way to die, I would die up there in space, after I flew up there of course.”

“Of course,” you mumble and stare up at the sweet colored sky as the sun slowly overtakes the night sky. “I mean it would be a very cool way to die. No oxygen, but a view of earth and the vacuum of space.”

Ellie follows your line of gaze and smiles softly as she nods slowly. “Yeah,” she whispers.

Silence follows after that. Deafening, but peaceful silence.

Yet that peace soon begins to turn to gloom the more the sun rises and you remember why you’re here.

“Do you,” you interject, but pause to look down at your fingers not covered by your gloves. “Do you want to talk about what happened last month?” You can’t even mention their names. Not yet. Not without it aching.

Ellie drops her gaze to focus on the fields of grass, and lets out a deep exhale before she shakes her head. “No…not really. Not yet.”

You hum softly. “That’s alright,” you assure her. “Well I’m here, you know, 24/7. If you want to talk.”

It may not be a lot to offer, but it’s those very words that meant a lot to you when you were told them by your uncle, Maria, or your friends. Yes, you haven’t been the most welcoming, or the nicest person with her, but at first you were slightly jealous, then you were too sad, but after that argument with your dad that jealousy had faded. Call it pettiness or what not, but you’re here now, and hope that at least she knows she can talk about her feelings with you and not have to hide them or brush them off.

He’d do that.

Nevertheless, there’s a brief moment of quiet before Ellie mutters in a serious tone. “Here in this windmill? Because that’s sort of inconvenient.”

You snort and break into a chuckle for the first time in a month. “You know what I meant fucker,” you mutter between laughs.

Ellie smiles proudly and nods.

Silence comes back as you keep watch, your smiles fade, but she soon interrupts. “You know I did have this problem last night actually.”

Your brows slowly furrow and you look at her with concern.

“I just stayed up all night wondering where the sun went…then it dawned on me.”

Your face slowly falls, and she looks over at you with a very proud smile. You let a second pass before you burst out laughing at her joke. She soon joins in and you’re both too lost laughing until your stomachs hurt.

When you’ve somewhat calmed down you add one you remember. “Okay, okay.” You clear your throat. “I walked into my sister's room and tripped on a bra…it was a booby trap.” You smirk.

Ellie shakes her head and laughs harder. “That was stupid.”

You nod and once again begin to laugh along with her, not realizing in that moment as you were both distracted that your dad was now inside the windmill lost listening in to the both of you.

When your laughs die down you take advantage of this moment and pull your backpack to your lap to unzip it, and pull out an additional Walkman. “I feel like you’ll enjoy this,” you tell her and then search your backpack for a specific cassette.

Ellie slowly puts down the rifle and watches you pull out a small plastic box.

“The Smiths,” you mention and open the box to insert the cassette. “Very good band.” You smile and hand her the Walkman. “Listen to it when you can, or when you can’t sleep. Just don’t lose the cassette ‘kay? It’s my friends.”

Ellie hesitantly takes the Walkman and headphones. “Are you sure?” She asks quietly.

You nod. “I have my own. I had that as a spare, but you can keep it. When you’re done with that album, let me know, I can give you more music to listen to while we find more.”

Ellie slowly smiles softly, and meets your gaze. “Thanks.” She whispers.

You offer her a smile, and don’t realize that for that moment sharing your music as Sarah once did with you, laughing with Ellie felt the best you’ve felt in a long time; you didn’t feel sad, or angry. You felt good, at peace, and a sense of familiarity you haven’t felt in years.

——

*2 MONTHS LATER*

Winter has fully embraced the earth, providing some sense of what month it can be. Between Kansas City and here you’ve lost track of the days. You know with every feeling in you that Jackson is only a couple days out.

Seeing Maria, your uncle Tommy, your friends, and your house is only a couple days out. Finally!

“You don’t seriously believe them,” Ellie remarks as she stomps out of the cabin of this old couple living a quiet life in the middle of nowhere.

Which honestly isn’t half bad. You only wish to grow old like them and live with….with someone…

“They’ve lived here a long time,” your dad rebuttals as he leads the way off the property. He then stops and looks back as he hears only one pair of footsteps following him.

You then proceed to stop too and glance back, catching Ellie robbing one of the rabbits that the man that had found you killed.

“Put that back,” he tells her and then continues to lead the way.

“What about you, y/n, I mean you’ve lived around here,” Ellie pulls you into the conversation.

You scoff softly and wait for her to catch up. “Well all I’ll say is that it’s a bunch of superstition, okay?” You tell her without giving away too much of what awaits beyond the River. “There’s no River of death, nothin’.”

“So they don’t know anything?” She points out and falls beside you, letting you finally continue to follow your dad. “Because they’ve also never heard of the Fireflies.”

“It’s hard to hear much living so secluded,” you explain and look ahead, catching in that moment your dad stops and leans against a wooden pole.

Is he really that scared of some fear the old couple have? Because it’s only to scare people away, it isn’t true.

Is he still tired? He’s panting.

“Joel? Joel?” Ellie calls out, and shares a slightly concerned and confused look with you before she walks over to him, while you watch him with higher concern that freezes you a bit.

“Joel, are you okay?” She asks and gets closer to him as he stays leaning against the pole. “Joel?”

“Shut up,” he quips at her.

You blink and snap out of your stupor to make your way to him too. “Dad,” you call out.

“Holy shit, are you dying?” Ellie remarks, making that fear you didn’t feel before spark now at the sound of her words, even if he shakes his head.

Is it his heart? He is old now.

What if it is his heart?

“Dad?” You call out and walk past Ellie to look at his face, noticing his eyes are closed and his hand is in a tight fist. It’s like he’s in pain…

“I’m okay,” he mutters breathlessly.

You know you haven’t talked much in the past three months, your anger is still pretty alive and heightened to the point you can’t hold his gaze sometimes for more than a few seconds. But he still is your dad, and you still do very much love him…more than anything. It’s just hard being with him right now. It’s hard.

“Okay, okay,” he keeps repeating, and you grow more concerned.

“Okay, are you okay? It doesn’t sound like you are,” Ellie keeps panicking.

“I’m fine.”

“But are you because just a reminder that if you’re dead, I’m fucked—”

“Ellie,” you warn, and step closer to him. You feel like freezing, like covering your ears at the sight of his trouble, but you muster the strength to carefully grab his arm, and call to him again. “Daddy.”

As if snapped back to reality by your touch, and your voice so close, he snaps his eyes to you and calms his breathing immediately.

“Are you okay?” You ask him.

He swallows thickly and holds your gaze for a moment before he snaps back. “I said I’m fine.”

Huh. You pull your hand away and nod. “Okay.”

“It’s just the cold air all of a sudden,” he explains what can be true, but what sounds like bullshit.

“All right,” Ellie says and continues to walk ahead. “Uh, so let’s go and find Tommy and the Fireflies.”

You linger your gaze on your dad for a few more seconds as you try to find some sort of symptom. But he did brush Ellie and you off harshly so, instead you leave him be and follow after Ellie.

“It’s gonna be easy,” Ellie adds and almost trips going up the snowy hill. “All we have to do is cross the River of Death.”

You roll your eyes at the fact that she’s believing it so easily, but still don’t try to correct anyone. Instead you comment on something to lighten the mood.

“We might have to wait to find the Fireflies.”

Ellie looks back with slight concern and presses. “Why?”

You look down at the snow you’re walking over and smirk. “Well it’s not summer yet.” You look up at her and shoot her a smile.

Ellie rolls her eyes and looks back. “That was stupid,” she remarks as she hides her amused smile.

“You liked it,” you mutter and pull on your backpack straps to tighten them. “You know it.”

“Maybe I can laugh at all your jokes if you teach me what you did back there, to that guy in Kansas City a few months ago,” she says.

She saw that?

You let out a soft sigh, and brush away what threatens to resurface about Sam and Henry to solely focus on what she wants. “Well, one, you don’t gotta pretend to like my jokes to get something out of me. You could've just asked.”

Ellie shrugs. “I ask Joel to teach me stuff and he says no,” she argues. “I thought you’d be the same.”

You scoff. “Well no, I ain't. And two, always read the room, Kathleen prided herself on loyalty, she wasn’t going to risk letting me kill the guy. I knew that so I acted,” you share your technique.

“Uh, huh,” Ellie notes everything down mentally.

“Two, body stance, look at how they’re standing, how tight their finger is on the trigger, if it’s too tight you’ll get shot at that moment,” you continue. “Three, act fast, hit the weak points to paralyze them. Men, the groin is a good one, for both men and women, throat, eyes, knees, temple, nose, jaw and shins. And then get them to the ground, or your stance of choice to threaten them. But always make sure they can’t and aren’t reaching for any weapons, okay? You’ll lose the higher ground if they do.”

Ellie looks over her shoulder, showing off her little smirk. “Okay, got that, but now what about a physical demonstration?” She asks.

You nod. “Sure, once we find somewhere to camp.”

Ellie shoots you a partial grin and nods in comprehension. “Cool.” She looks back ahead. “Your joke was stupid by the way.”

You snicker and run up to catch up to her. “Yeah. How about yours, Will Livingston, huh?”

She snickers and shrugs, bringing silence that follows the three of you for a while. You just walk, walk and walk for miles, down hills, up them, past dryer terrain and even snowier ground. Past a horizon of the setting sun, and under clear skies. All up until you reach a valley that overlooks the river the couple had mentioned on the map your dad insists on carrying even if they have you guiding the way

“The River of Death,” Ellie comments. “Scary.”

“Don’t start,“ your dad warns her bluntly.

You on the other hand watch the distant running river and sigh with relief. You’re almost home.

“It’s too close to dark,” your dad mentions. “There’s some caves along the river. We’ll set up camp there, cross in the mornin’.”

“Good,” Ellie says. “I'm starving. Should’ve stolen two rabbits.”

“We can get our own rabbits,” your dad counters.

You scoff at his comment, and see him give you a side eye.

“You gonna teach me how?” Ellie asks with hope.

Only to be shot down by your dad. “Just keep movin’.”

“Y/N?” Ellie now drifts her question to you.

You look over at her and think for a few seconds before nodding. “Sure let's just get more bullets first, or maybe a bow and arrow.”

Ellie snaps her eyes to your dad and shoots him a smirk. “See,” she quips. “Someone’s nice.” And then she proceeds to continue walking.

You scoff and roll your eyes before you also proceed to continue walking even more. Luckily this time you don’t end up walking far, your dad finds a cave somewhat deep in the woods to set up your last camp.

As always you’re all quick to eat as that’s what you’re looking forward to the most throughout the long days of walking, and avoiding danger. As always it’s quiet between you and him. He doesn’t attempt to talk to you, nor do you attempt to talk to him. Something stands in the way now, a tension…a fear that runs in the both of you.

The one thing that fills the awkward and tension filled silence is Ellie.

“Oh my god!” She exclaims and jumps off her seat to run off towards the giant rock in front of the cave.

“Ellie,” your dad mutters.

You look up from your food and see the sky beginning to glow as it fills with beautiful dancing colors of bright green, and hints of purple light. Northern lights.

You smile softly and shove the last bit of food in your mouth before you follow Ellie towards the rock to get a better view of them from the top.

“Beautiful huh? You know why they happen?” You ask Ellie as you sit beside her on the rock.

Ellie keeps her head up to continue admiring the dancing hues, and shakes her head. “Do you?” She redirects.

You hum and nod. “I read it in a book once, it happens when charged particles collide with gasses in Earth's upper atmosphere. Those collisions then produce tiny flashes that fill the sky with colorful light.”

Ellie looks down and meets your gaze. “Hm, interesting.” She says sincerely with a soft smile as she looks up again.

“There’s a lot of lore behind them, different beliefs,” you add quietly. “Some people think of them as bad omen, others as positive….what really stuck with me is this one belief I got told once by an old lady in Jackson…” you pause and slowly look down at your hands as that sadness, that grief, that agony, presents itself in you again after having pushed it away all day.

“She said that the lights are the souls of the departed…ancestors, those….” You swallow thickly and feel your eyes and throat begin to sting. “You lost.” You reach in your pocket and pull out the sun pin you kept inside, you fiddle with it and watch it reflect the lights that dance above.

“I like that one,” Ellie whispers.

You nod as your eyes fill with tears. “Me too.” You let out a deep sigh and flicker your eyes up to watch the sky again, to admire its beauty.

Ellie and you stay up there, basking in the lights and the silence until your dad whistles and cuts in. “Come down from there. Y’all gonna break your necks.”

Impossible….maybe a sore neck…

Regardless you both climb down and huddle back near the fire.

“Ah,” Ellie interjects. “Can I have some?”

You put the pin away and glance over at your dad, noticing the flask of alcohol in his hand.

“No.” He shakes his head.

“What?” Ellie argues. “Just to warm up. C’mon.”

Your dad rolls his eyes slightly but gives in, making you pass the flask to Ellie.

“Thanks,” she mutters, and looks at the metal flask for a second before raising it up as a speechless cheers.

You think she’d hesitate to take a sip, but she takes the drink without a fight.

Honestly, it’s very funny. Especially when she pulls it down and scrunches her face in disgust.

“Yep,” she groans. “Still gross.” She nudges it to you now. “Sip?”

You look at it and shake your head. “I’m fine. Thanks.” You grab the flask and hand it back to your dad.

“So I’ve been thinking,” Ellie continues to fill the silence.

“Hm?” You probe curiously, and press your hands down on the cold ground to lean back.

“Let’s say we find the Fireflies,” she says, “it all works, they draw my blood and put it through some of their fancy machines and make a cure.”

“Okay?” You hear your dad say.

“Then what? Like, what do we do?”

“Oh, it’s we?” Your dad retorts, kind of rudely may you add.

“Okay,” Ellie corrects herself. “Fine. Whatever. You. You can do anything you want. Where are you going? What are you doing?”

That’s an interesting question.

You glance over at your dad and wait.

“It’s never been an option,” he answers and looks up to the sky as he clears his throat. “Maybe,” he sighs. “An old farmhouse, some land, a ranch.”

He’s said that once, when you were young, he said he was working to get one, that you could all have all the free space you wanted, you could have horses, sheep, dogs, cats and goats. He’d said that once he’s old Sarah and you could live with him to take care of him and the animals. He always liked to talk about it.

Of course that was pre outbreak. You never heard that dream after. It’s nice that it hasn’t changed.

“Cool,” Ellie comments, but you can’t tell if she’s teasing him or actually interested. “What kind?”

“Sheep. I would raise sheep.”

You glance down at the fire and smile softly.

“Sheep,” Ellie whispers.

“They’re quiet,” your dad adds, making you snort softly. “Do what they’re told.”

You stifle your laugh and glance over at Ellie since you know it’s a jab at her.

“Yeah, yeah,” Ellie gets it. “Okay. So, just you and a buncha sheep. Romantic.”

You smile and spare your dad one teasing glance. He feels your gaze, he sees your smile finally directed at him after three months, and sighs softly.

“What about you, y/n?” Ellie asks.

You glance at her and then watch the dancing lights in the sky. “Well when I was young I wanted to be a performer like Britney Spears.” You grin proudly.

“Who?” Ellie queries, but you don’t have time to answer since you continue.

“But now I want to become a movie star,” you smirk and look down at her. “An actress who stars in big movies. Like Halle Berry, Kate Winslet, Kristen Dunst, Uma Thurman, Winona Ryder, and my favorite, and my idol, Audrey Hepburn.” You beam at her and nod slowly.

Ellie squints and shakes her head. “I’ve heard of none of them.”

“You will soon enough, and you’ll know my name as well. Y/N Miller,” you throw your hands up in the air and glance at your dad with that grin, noticing him listening with intent and the corner of his lips slightly raised. “Famous movie star. Survivalist. And the most talented and prettiest.”

Ellie snorts and nods along again. “I actually think that’s pretty cool. I mean you’ll probably be the only one, but it’s nice.”

“Thank you,” you beam at her and put your hands down. “I won’t forget to mention you in my speech when I win my Oscar.” You wink and then press her now. “What about you? Where are you gonna go?”

Ellie gently punches her legs and looks up. “It’s probably because I grew up in the QZ. Behind you, there’s ocean, and ahead of you, there’s a wall.” She looks down between you and your dad. “Nowhere else to look but up. I read everything I could in the school library. Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin, Jim Lovell. But you know who my favorite is?”

Yes.

“Sally Ride,” your dad guesses correctly.

“Sally fuckin’ Ride!” She whispers excitedly. “Best astronaut name ever.”

You smile softly and in admiration. Silence follows, and her own smile fades, her gaze gets lost ahead of her, and you sense sorrow.

“It’ll work, right?” She then asks, making your smile fall. “The vaccine?”

You sigh and sit up to drag your legs against your chest, and hug them tightly.

“It’s a little late to start wonderin’” your dad retorts.

“I tried,” she says. “With Sam.”

Your frown immediately deepens, and your heart begins to sink.

“Tried what?” Your dad probes.

“I knew he was infected,” Ellie answers, and you see her glance at you. “I rubbed some of my blood into his bite. I know. I know it was stupid. But I…I wanted to save him.”

Your eyes water again, that anguish crawls back up, and memories haunt you.

“Well, I reckon it’s a lot more complicated than that,” your dad tells her. “Marlene, she’s a lotta things, but she’s no fool. If she says they can do it, they can do it.”

They hope….you hope too.

For him. For Sam.

After that silence returns, which is abruptly interrupted. “Who wants to take first watch and second watch?” Ellie asks to change the subject.

You part your lips to volunteer, but your dad quickly interrupts before you can.

“I’ll do both. you girls should get some sleep.”

You snap your eyes to him and get ready to argue, but once again he beats you to it.

“Y/N, it’s okay, I can do it. Tomorrow we’ll be with Tommy, and I can sleep then.”

You hesitate for a moment but you know you’ll get nowhere, so you give in.

“Dream of sheep ranches on the moon,” he adds as you and Ellie grab your sleeping bags.

“I will,” Ellie agrees. And you just scoff softly and leave it at that.

——

Sleep comes, but you don’t last long, eventually the nightmares take over; the same ones from the past three months, and all you can do is stay up to avoid seeing all of it. It would make a boring and long night, but you find yourself entertained by watching your dad.

He sits against the cave wall, he watches the sky, he watches the dark shadows in the forest, and occasionally he glances over to watch you and Ellie sleep. He seems to be looking for something, a sign of life. Once he finds it he’d look away and go back to keeping watch. That’s when your head spins and you begin to wonder why he left you?

What was his reason? Grief?

Because you feel it, you understand it. Perhaps not before, not the moment you lost Sarah, but after losing Henry?

That need to just go away, to cave into yourself, to hide and never come out? To…not keep going, to just end it as it seems like life has little meaning? You understand that. You want to do it everyday. Is that why?

Or was it fear? Just cause?

Did you do something wrong?

Or were you not enough? Were you not…her?

If you could, you'd bring her back to him. If somehow there was a chance, you would. You’d bring back Sam and Henry. Even if it meant you’d be gone forever, you’d do it.

If seeing Sarah again would make him happy you’d do it. Anger and resentment aside, you’d do it….

Nevertheless…as you’re caught up in your own thoughts, he ends up passing out.

What an old man.

To keep him that way so he can get the rest he needs you get up and keep watch for him. Ellie soon joins you and you let sleep as you both keep watch while the sun rises again, and the day turns bright.

During your watch you taught Ellie the move she wanted to learn; which she learns fast and gets very happy about. You talked about stupid stuff, and then watched some more until he woke up abruptly.

“Still mumbling in your sleep,” Ellie comments as he looks up panicked. “We woke up early. You were passed out, so we took second watch.”

“Y/N,” your dad scolds you.

You just shrug and brush him off.

“You gotta wake me up if that happens,” he rebuttals and gets up. “You can’t do things like this, Ellie.”

“But I can,” she counters sassily. “‘Cause I just did. Besides, y/n was with me the entire time.”

“She’s older, she knows stuff,” he quickly snaps back. “She’s not responsible for you, I am, okay?”

“Then don’t fall asleep,” she sasses him. “We were quiet, We checked our six, we looked for tracks, we found the high ground, and we kept watch,” she assures him as he gets near. “like you and she taught me too. And y/n let me hold the gun the entire time.” She quips and shares a proud glance with you. “What can I say, man? I'm a natural.”

“Uh-huh,” he nods. “Give her the gun.”

Ellie sighs and turns to hand you back your gun. You then proceed to hang it around your shoulder, and listen to him direct her a comment.

“You wake me up next time.”

“Yes, sir,” Ellie agrees. “But only if y/n is not here.” She shoots him a smile.

Your dad rolls his eyes and groans. “Fine,” he says in defeat. “C’mon pack up, let’s get goin’.”

As usual the day consists of endless fucking walking which was getting more annoying the closer you were to home. It’s like a fucking dread. And today it seemed colder out—but that’s probably due to the falling snow and the winder winds.

Once you assure Ellie and your dad that River is safe to cross, you make it to the other side and put your mask up over half of your face, you put your hood over your head to block out the cold and keep as warm as you can.

The closer you got home, the more the grounds seemed familiar, the more your excitement rose. That becomes especially so as you get close to the dam.

“We’re almost there,” you squeal. “We’re almost home.” You quicken your pace, but look back as you the sound of Ellie blowing out air catches your attention. “Whatcha doin’?”

“I’m learning how to whistle,” she explains as she catches both you and your dad looking back at her now.

“You don’t know how to whistle?” Your dad queries.

Ellie pulls her hand out of her mouth to rebuttal. “Does it sound like I know how to whistle?”

“No,” you retort and look back ahead. “Just put your lips together and blow.

“I’ve tried that! It doesn’t work!”

You smirk and do it yourself before you look back at her to do it again.

Ellie shoots you a pointed glare and drops her hand to her side. “Well now you're just showing off,” she spats. “No one likes a show off.”

You smirk and counter. “Everyone likes me, so I guess it’s wrong.”

Ellie scoffs. “Have you ever heard of the word humble? Won’t hurt to know its definition.”

You grin and look ahead. “I do know it actually.” You whistle one more to piss her off.

This time she doesn’t retort back, instead you suddenly feel a snowball hit your back.

“Hey!” You exclaim and look back.

Ellie shoots you a smirk. “Show off,” she quips without shame.

You let out a small huff and stop walking to bend down and make a snowball. Ellie knows what you’re going to do and begins to walk back with a grin.

“Don’t,” she laughs and puts her hand out.

“Whistle,” you say. “And I won’t throw it. Oh wait,” you snicker. “You can’t.”

Ellie quickly bends down and collects a snowball, causing you guys to stay at a standstill to wait who’d throw it first.

“Throw it and I’ll push you in,” she threatens.

You begin to walk back and taunt her again with a whistle.

“Fucker!” Ellie runs and throws it, but you manage to turn out of the way, and it ends up hitting the back of your dads legs.

Ellie’s eyes go wide, and you and her stifle your laughs as he stops and looks back.

“It was me,” she admits with a smirk, and you let your snowball fall, and snicker.

Your dad looks between the two of you, he lets his gaze linger without saying anything. And when he does break his gaze away it’s to glance down at his wrist for a second before he lifts his eyes and lets out a deep annoyed sigh. “Enough foolin’ around, let’s go.” He grumbles and turns to continue on ahead, causing you guys to follow after him now.

“You guys should teach me how to hunt. Like, seriously,” Ellie says.

“Huh,” your dad breathes out.

“Huh,” Ellie mocks. “Like she’s a girl. she can’t handle it.”

“You can handle the shootin’” you assure her.

“Not so sure about the dressin’?” Your dad adds on to your comment.

“What’s the dressin’?” Ellie asks.

You look over at her and explain it to her. “It’s when you take the guts out.”

Ellie nods as she falls behind. “Oh, yeah. Why do they call it dressing? It’s like, you should call it undressing ‘cause it is. It’s like undressing from the inside.”

You hum in agreement and think about it now too.

“Still interested, though.” Ellie adds.

“I told you,” you tell her and grin as you see glimpses of the dam coming up. “Let’s just get more bullets, and we can do it.” You then run up ahead and stop at the top of the hill that overlooks the running water that goes through the dam.

Ellie and your dad catch up, and Ellie of course adds something to specialize the moment. “Dam.”

You and your dad share a judgmental gaze before he retorts for you. “You’re no Will Livingston.”

“Yeah, yeah, but who is?” She rebuttals. “So that made electricity?”

“Yeah,” your dad answers her. “Don’t ask me. I don’t have a clue.”

You smile wider and linger in your spot for a moment before you continue walking.

“You know, you could’ve just made something up,” Ellie interjects as they both follow you now whilst you try hard not to just run home out of pure joy. “I would’ve believed you.”

“You know,” you add on as you walk down, past the dam. “The dam still provides electricity. I’ve been told how, but I forgot, but there is light in Jackson, trust me.”

“Huh,” Ellie huffs out. “Well we're almost there aren’t we? We’ll see.”

“Yeah.” You mutter. “We will.”

Once you make it down you each step makes your heart beat pick up, each other footstep makes you wary since you know that the rangers out on pontrol should probably be approaching. It’s rare that they’d miss spotting the three of you.

“Look at that River,” Ellie points out. “It’s crazy blue. Hey, Joel, what if this is the River of Death?”

You hear him stop, so you stop even with your anticipation to get home, and wait for them. You watch him pull out his map to check what you’ve already pointed out.

“We’re close,” you break the silence. “Let’s go.”

As you take a few steps ahead, you come to a quick halt as the sound of horses neighing, their running footsteps steal your attention.

Your dad takes Ellie’s hand and tries to run away, while you stay in place and watch multiple people surround you, stopping Ellie and your dad right by you.

“Get behind me,” you hear your dad tell Ellie, before he grabs your hand and tries to pull you behind him too.

However, you slip your hand away and step forward again. You’re not scared, you recognize this tactic, you know the protocol, you know it’s them.

“We ain’t lookin’ for any trouble,” your dad interjects to try to ease the tension. “We’re just passin’ through.”

You glance around at all of them, all the faces of the people that surround the three of you. Since they all have hats, and masks over their faces it’s hard to identify who’s who. You doubt much has changed as far as routines go, maybe some people have been added here and there, but it should be the same otherwise. They might recognize you and ease the tension.

Albeit just as you lower your hand to take off your mask all guns point at you

“Keep your hands up!” The man at front yells.

“Yes,” you mutter and search the crowd again for Maria, she usually likes to patrol at the gate.

Behind you a dog begins to whine; maybe it’s the alert dog…fuck that’s right. Fuck.

“Drop the guns!” The man yells again.

You snap your gaze to your dad and give him an assuring nod before you both pull your guns off your shoulders, and place them on the ground. When you’re lifting your arms again is when you reach for your mask and pull it off, you then lift your hand further and pull off your hood, finally revealing your face to those ahead of you.

Again you search the crowd and behind the man you spot her, Maria. Her eyes land on you too and you see her ease her shoulders.

The man ahead lowers his gun slightly and squints his gaze slightly. “Holy shit,” he mutters. “The child protege returns.” He scoffs and glances back, you follow his line of gaze and see Maria getting off her horse, she lowers her mask and her eyes soften—“welcome home, Sunny.”

You smile with relief, and offer him a nod.

“You’re gonna have to stay there girl,” he adds. “You know the rules.”

You nod and look at Ellie and your dad. “It’s okay,” you mutter and keep your hands at your side.

“You been near infected?” He asks.

You shake your head and try to answer, but your dad beats you to it.

“There’s no infected out here.”

“The hell there ain’t,” the guy spats back and whistles, making a dog from ahead of you bark as he’s brought over.

Then who’s whining behind you?

“Last chance for a bullet. If you’ve been infected, he will smell it and he will rip you up.”

You swallow thickly and glance over at Ellie.

Usually the dog only detects active cordyceps, hers is…dormant considering it hasn’t spread? Or is it active?

Fuck.

The dog is let go from its leash and he first begins to walk to your dad. He first smells him to make sure, and once he smells nothing he jumps up and gives the all clear. After that the dog walks over to you, he smells your feet and your legs, before jumps on you and gives you the all clear.

“Good boy,” you coo at him and scratch him behind the ears.

The dog happily wags his tail before getting on all fours to walk back to his handler.

“Like I said, we’ll just move on,” your dad interjects. But it’s not that easy, they still need to make sure Ellie is clear. You can’t move otherwise, not even to greet Maria that is itching to meet up with you as much as you are to meet up with her.

“Now her,” they point to Ellie.

Your heart begins to race, and your mind begins to race faster. The dog begins to growl as he creeps towards her, so you look at your dad to see what he’d do, but you see that he’s frozen…he’s…frozen.

He must truly care about her….

Fuck.

You step back and face Ellie, and she looks over at you at that moment too to express her concern since your dad wouldn’t turn to face her.

“It's okay,” you mouth to her as the dog gets closer. “It’s okay.” You discreetly reach your fingers for your holstered gun. If the dog does detect the cordyceps then you’ll have to…wound it so he doesn’t hurt her, they’ll all probably hate you for it, but you can’t let her die.

The dog gets closer, he smells her for a few seconds before he looks up at her. You hold your breath and clench your jaw.

Ellie glances at you again, and you step forward, but the dog then barks and jumps on her, giving the all clear, and letting you relax and exhale deeply.

“Hi,” Ellie giggles and crouches down to pet the dog and let him lick her. “Hi!”

Now that he isn’t going to kill her, you look at the guy for the okay.

He catches you and points to Maria with his eyes. You immediately beam as your eyes begin to sting, and don’t wait a moment longer to break into a run towards her, meeting her halfway.

“Oh god,” she whispers as she throws her arms around you. “You’re here. You’ve been gone too long.”

You nod and ball up the material of her jacket in your fists as you nuzzle your head against her shoulder.

“I’m home,” your voice quivers, forgetting those you came with as you’re basked by the joy, and warmth of being in her arms again. It’s why you miss the curious stare of your dad, the confusion that grows within him, whilst Ellie begins to feel a spark of something deep within her, something she hasn’t felt about you before, jealousy…not for what you might have with Maria, but over how she holds you and what it can mean.

Sure at first she was slightly jealous of you, of how your father showed you affection, but that soon disappeared, quickly actually; the moment she saw you take down that man. And now after 3 months, after witnessing what happened 3 months ago together. After 2 months of you teaching her things she didn't know, things she wanted to know, now after having someone to talk to, someone to laugh with. Now after finally having another woman to bond with her instead of just your dad. After having no one but you and your dad, she’s grown quite attached to you too.

She knew you were heading home to your family, but something in her hoped you wouldn't be so overjoyed, she didn’t want you to stay with them. She wanted just you, your dad, and her. Even if she noticed how you and your dad barely even talked at the moment.

“You’re never leaving,” Maria says and rests her chin on your head. “You understand that?”

You laugh and nod. “Not plannin’ to.”

Maria tightens her hold around you for one more lingering second before she pulls back to grab your shoulders and look at you in the face, to see the happy tears that roll down your cheeks.

“Tommy is going to freak out,” she says with a happy smile. “I was so worried,” she sighs and caresses your cheeks as she looks deep into your eyes.

You try to hide it well, the sadness brought by your still very much active grief, but can she tell in this small interaction?

“I’m home now,” you assure her. “I’m okay.”

“Are you?” She asks.

You nod and offer her a brighter smile. “I…am.”

She hums, and caresses your chin once more before letting you go, and letting you turn to introduce who you’re here with now that you remember that you’re still surrounded. But before you can, a big red bloodhound comes running at you and tackles you to the ground with all its force to start licking you, and whining out of joy.

“Hey!” You hear Ellie exclaim with concern.

“Ahh,” you groan and keep tilting your head away so you wouldn’t be licked in your mouth. “That’s a good boy, Achilles,” you tell him. “I missed you too man, but you’re heavy.”

“Maybe he’ll help you get cleaned up,” you hear someone say as they approach you. “Achilles, get off her man.”

The dog does as he’s told, letting someone else come to view as they stand above you now, blocking the natural bright light that almost blinds you, but shines around his head like he’s some majestic being.

“Fuck,” he gasps and throws his hand out to offer it to you.

As if it can be possible you grin brighter at the sight of his familiar soft brown eyes that gleam with happiness, and his beaming smile that spreads on his square jaw. You take his hand and let him help you off the ground, you stay there in front of each of other for a lingering moment just staring at one another with longing that comes rushing back at you—you also notice he doesn’t seem to aged much, he looks pretty much the same, except for his hair, it’s longer, fluffier, and no longer shaven.

It looks good that way. It’s nice to see him again. seeing your best friend since you joined the fireflies years ago brings even more ease to your wounded heart. It makes you excited, so much so that you squeal before you throw your arms around his neck.

“Jesus,” he mutters as he holds onto you. “I knew you’d make it.” He nuzzles his head against your shoulder, and you close your eyes to nuzzle your face against him.

“I’m finally home,” you whisper as if you can’t believe it.

He hums and begins to rub your back, he lets you bask in his embrace until you’re the one that wants to let go.

“You grew out your hair,” you point out with a smile and brush back the ends of his hair. “I like it.”

You begin to turn to face your dad and Ellie, but he turns with you to keep holding your gaze with a soft look that matches yours.

“Yeah,” he scoffs and grows cocky. “I knew you were coming, so I was like, I’m going to grow it for her since I know she likes it that way.”

You roll your eyes, but keep your smile as you walk past him to face your dad and Ellie now.

“They’re okay,” you assure the group. “They’re with me. That man is,” you exhale and share a glance with Maria. “My dad, Joel, the girl is Ellie.”

Slowly they both put their hands down, but the guns remain pointed.

“You vouch for them?” The guy asks you.

You glance at him and meet his gaze to nod. “Yep.”

The guy nods in comprehension and lowers his gun, letting the others do the same.

“Let’s get them on some horses and get them inside,” the guy instructs.

You glance at Ellie and your dad once before you turn on your heels to follow Maria.

“That’s your dad?” Apollo asks quietly beside you as he makes his horse, and his dog Achilles follows him as you all head home. “Are you gonna present me or what?”

“Shut up, Apollo,” you snap back and nudge him.

Apollo laughs and looks back. “I kinda see it between him and Tommy.”

You giggle. “Well they are brothers. You and Atlas look alike for that same reason.”

“You and your sister didn't look alike,” Apollo quickly rebuttals.

You huff out. “‘Cause we were half sisters, duh, do you want it explained to you how that works? Mama,” you look at Maria up on her horse now. “You want to explain to Apollo how that works.”

“Don’t be an ass,” Apollo retorts and nudges you.

You giggle, and notice Maria smirk.

Not so long after that Ellie, your dad, and you are whisked to some horses, finally being able to rest your feet and not have to walk the rest of the way to Jackson. You come to recognize most of the rangers who had given you that cold welcome, and greet all those you knew and that knew you.

You weren’t inside the walls yet, you haven’t seen your uncle yet, but you did feel more safe now, more comforted now that you aren’t out in the open. Now that you’re only minutes from home.

“I can’t wait to share the hell I’ve been through these past two years,” you interject on your way home. “You guys won’t fucking believe it.”

Apollo glances over at you and narrows his gaze to quip. “Maybe.” He licks his lips and looks serious. “You should tell it in the form of a play, hm?”

He’s making fun of you, funny.

“Yeah,” you go along with him. “The adventures of y/n Miller, one woman show, the musical.” You smirk and bounce your eyebrows.

“Who would play you?” He counters. “‘Cause,” he says and sucks in air through his teeth. “I hate to break it to you, but singing isn’t for you, you can play the guitar, but it’s singing that just….” He shakes his head.

You drop your jaw, peel your eyes wide as if suddenly hit with excitement, and snap your fingers to share your thought. “I have the best idea. Maybe…your mom can do it?”

Apollo goes serious, and you stifle your laugh as you grin at him.

“Can I get a bump?” You tease him and stick your fist out at your other side to offer Ellie a fistbump since she’s riding beside you.

Ellie’s confused at first, but she doesn’t leave you hanging. Apollo shakes his head with a frown, so you now offer him your fist.

“Come on,” you encourage him. “Don’t leave me hanging, it was funny.” You giggle.

Apollo rolls his eyes but very lightly hits your fist. “Only because you’re back,” he mutters.

You shrug sweetly and shoot him a sweet smile.

“It was a lame joke,” Ellie mutters.

You roll your eyes to her and sigh. “Well, I think it works,” you assure yourself. “It was good at the moment.” You flash her a smile.

Jackson isn’t far now, you all make it there quickly by horse. That wooden wall comes to view soon, and after being gone for so long, it’s such a heavenly sight. What once felt like a trapdoor, what once felt like a cage is now nothing but paradise. Walking in was such a fucking relief too. There was instant comfort in all the buildings, some that have had some tweaks and others that remain the same.

“Welcome back home,” Maria tells you as the gates close behind you.

You shoot her a smile and continue to look around at all the people, and then focus on the Christmas decorations, letting you know come up to date with what month it was; December! It’s almost Christmas!

Yet, even as happy as you feel, there’s a sadness that stabs your heart, that reminds you of that pain…

Henry and Sam should be here. They should’ve made it this far, they should’ve seen all this. You promised them…

“Y/N?!”

You snap away from your thoughts and look behind you where the call had come from, that’s when you see another familiar face, a close friend from your firefly days, and Apollo’s younger brother.

You turn your frown the other way around so they won’t worry. “Atlas!” You call out and climb off the horse, letting the man behind you take it for you.

“I knew it was you!” Atlas exclaims as you both run to meet halfway in an embrace. “Holy fuck!” He chuckles. “Fuck! I thought you were dead!”

You laugh softly and pat his back. “I made it, like I said I would.”

He smiles and caresses the back of your neck with his soft hands. “We missed you. Home wasn’t the same without you.”

You pull back and offer him a happy smile. “You haven’t aged,” you point out.

“Nah,” he winks. “Just got more handsome.”

You scrunch your nose in disgust and pull away from him completely.

Atlas smirks and glances at the pair you came in with as they walk away further in town. “You’ve brought company.”

You nod and turn to walk after them now, seeing Apollo approach on foot. “Yeah, that’s my dad,” you let Atlas know.

Atlas snaps his head to you and furrows his thick dark eyebrows. “No fucking way. Like, your dad, dad?”

Why are they so in disbelief that he’s your dad? Is there something you’re missing?

“Yeah.” You nod and scoff. “Him.” You let out a sigh and watch Apollo fall by your other side now. “I’ve got a question,” you abruptly change the subject as curiosity grows. “Are you still with redhead Jessica?”

Atlas begins to snicker, but Apollo answers before his brother can blurt the news.

“We broke up.”

You perk up instantly.

“Yeah,” Atlas bounces off his brother's announcement. “She cheated on him.” He smirks.

What a relief…not the cheating part.

Well…kinda…

“Yeah,” Apollo sighs as he shoots his brother a glare. “It happened like a year ago.”

You smile and let him see it. “Bad news, told ya.”

“Whatever,” Apollo retorts.

“Atlas! You rangle up stragglers?!” You hear a woman shout.

Apollo and you snap your heads to the side, seeing Atlas spin around to walk backwards so he can look at the young girls that had spoken to him.

“Yep!” Atlas lies. “Bad ones too! I spotted them myself, kept them from getting shot.”

You and Apollo share an amused and judgemental look before continuing to watch Atlas, noticing at that moment a pile of shit that one of the horses dropped just now; and Atlas was walking right towards it.

“A thousand that he steps in it,” you offer Apollo.

Your friend scoffs and shakes his head. “No need, he’s going to step in it.”

You both snicker and watch Atlas continue to walk back.

“Let’s meet later while everyone is at the movies, I’ll tell you all about it, and my recent patrol!”

The girls giggle and nod. “Let’s do it!” One of the girls accepts.

Atlas shoots them a wink, and as he does he runs into the pile of hot horse shit.

Without looking, as if you hadn’t ever left, Apollo and you share a proud highfive at his brother's carelessness.

“Oh man!” Atlas exclaims. “What the hell?!”

“Y/N?!” Someone yells, this one more familiar and soothing than before.

You snap your eyes ahead, and there in the middle of the crowd that had greeted you outside the gates, beside your dad, is your uncle Tommy.

“Uncle Tommy!” You call back with instant tears filling your eyes as you’re slammed with unmeasurable relief, more bliss than you’ve felt since you saw your dad for the first time.

Your uncle Tommy smiles softly and without hesitation, before wasting another second you both break through barriers of space to collide, to throw your arms around one another and hold each other.

“Oh, babygirl,” he whispers as he caresses your back, and holds you in his arms tightly as if he would lose you if his hold was too loose.

“Uncle Tommy,” you cry after not being able to hold it any longer.

“Oh,” he breathes out. “My sweet Sunny.”

As you held him, as you cried into his shoulder, you felt finally home, secured. This was home. Him. Uncle Tommy. For so long he was all you had after your dad left, for so long even when your dad was there he was the light that didn’t flicker away. He was the hope you almost lost. He was home, just as much as you were his.

Yes, as you hugged him, as you held him close you did notice the faint look of hurt in your dads eyes as he saw the interaction, it hurt you seeing it. But isn’t this what he wanted when he left you? When he drove you away? When you weren’t enough for him?

When you weren’t enough for him to stay and be your dad?

Tagged- @slut-f0r-u @star-wars-lover @traceylader @givemylovetoall @itzagothamcitysiren @sammy-13 @beloved-reblogger @emiriia @rues-daya @sunfairyy @littleshadow17 @mcu-starwars @bigtuffswordboy @riaqiax @dheet @queenofthekill @joliettes @d4rno @dgraysonss @rana030 @punisherinthealps @pedropascalluvr41 @ahoyyharrington @beaniebeensbaby201@maeneedsabreak@maelartasch@adristyles@daughterofthequeen @alastorhazbin @ririvilliams @khaylin27

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damn-stark · 4 months

Text

Chapter 35 Can’t catch me now

Final chapter of Cherry

A/N: Thank you, I’m going to cry now that it’s over

Warning- FLUFF, mentions of pregnancy and birth complications, angst, and swearing

Takes place during- The final chapters special 2

Pairing- Jean Kirstein x fem!reader

————

What does he mean by talk?

Does he have a girlfriend back in Marley? One Connie, Levi, or Pieck mentioned?

Or maybe he’s going to say that he’s totally just over you. He doesn’t love you anymore.

You can’t take it, the anxiety is killing you.

“You look nice,” you interject and hide your nervousness well. “I like your hair, it’s different, it’s good.” You peer over your shoulder and flash Jean a smile.

He meets your gaze and a soft smirk tugs on his lips. “Thanks. You look nice now—I mean you look beautiful, but nice because the last time I saw you, you looked—”

“Bad?” You say to him with a small teasing smile.

Jean squints and parts his lips to argue, but you cut in again.

“It’s okay, it’s true,” you assure him. “I was in a bad place. Now I’m not. I’m okay now. Better than good actually, I’m great.”

You slide the door open to a secluded cabin on the train and walk in first before he follows you inside and closes the door behind him, letting you finally face each other.

“So I’ve read,” he says.

You study his handsome face and smile wider. “You look very nice. Is that okay to say?” You ask to get what you want to know from him. “Or should I hold back because of a special someone?” You wiggle your eyebrows and hope it isn't true.

Jean scoffs and shakes his head. “Nah…I tried it,” he admits, and you feel your heart clench—“but none of them worked out, I guess,” he rolls out and glances at the ground as he puts his hands in his pockets. “They weren’t you.”

Your heart skips a beat and your eyes widen. “What?” You gasp with disbelief.

Jean looks up at you and exhales deeply before he pulls his hands out and strides over to you with confidence. “I know I’ve been an ass and not written, but I wanted to give you space.”

“Jean,” you try to interject, but he grabs your shoulders and looks at you with a soft look that makes your face begin to burn.

“Listen okay?” He continues and looks into your eyes. “I love you, I always will no matter what, but I don’t want to just be your friend. I can’t be just a friend. I can be your best friend if we’re together, but I can’t live my life and pretend that we didn’t live a life together. That I didn’t love you with my entire being. I can't do that, I'm not that big of a person.”

Tears fill your eyes, but they’re not born from an ache, they’re tears of disbelief and shock.

“So,” he goes on softly and slowly places his hands on your cheeks. “That’s why I'm saying it now, it might be brazen and too much for you, but it’s the truth and if I didn’t say it I would be bothered and mean, you don’t deserve that. And well,” he sighs. “Too much shit has happened for us to be patient, and I’m afraid that if I continue to be patient, I won’t be able to say what has been stuck in my throat for years.”

You smile softly and gently slide your hands over to hold his arms. “Jean,” you whisper. “I love you. I do. I never stopped loving you. I never thought about anyone else but you, but,” you cut in and make his breath falter. “You can’t rush into this. We’ve hardly talked over the past 3 years, I don’t know you anymore. You don’t know me. We know a past of each other, but not who we turned into. You understand? I mean what if you don’t even like who I am now? I don’t want you to waste your time with me, I—”

“Shut up,” Jean cuts you off and pulls you closer to him, making your breath hitch and your eyes fall on his lips—“Just shut up you’re talking nonsense. All you’re saying is crap because I do know you,” he says. “I’ve read all the letters you sent me. All the letters you sent our friends, and I’m looking at you now and all I see is my future. I’ve fought for a long time, I know life isn’t long, and I don’t want to wait. We can get to know each other as we date. Just please be with me. I miss you.”

Your bottom lip trembles and all you feel is your heart race as butterflies flutter like crazy inside you.

Your life doesn’t feel complete because Levi still isn’t with you, but you feel safe and like the stars finally returned to orbit to give light to the world. Yes, you did heal from your deep wounds without him, you couldn’t have him with you, but the one thing that didn’t change throughout it all was your feelings for him; they burn just as hot, and drive you just as crazy as the first time.

“I miss you too,” you redirect sweetly. “I love you too. I’ve only loved you, I will only love you. I can’t love anyone else but you,” you confess, making him smile and lean in.

Yet just as you’re going to relish in the taste of his lips finally on yours, a knock raps on the door.

“Y/N?”

Eric?

Eric!

“What do you want?” You sneer and don’t bother to open the door right away.

“Ben is looking for you. He says it’s urgent.”

You groan and look at Jean one last time. “Let’s continue this later, hm?” You ask.

Jean sighs deeply and has no choice but to give in. “Fine. Just,” he trails off and slams his lips on yours to give you one quick but deep kiss before he pulls back to open the door for you.

“Hey man,” Eric greets Jean with a smug smile.

You storm out of the room and Eric follows after you.

“Why are you still mad, huh? Did I interrupt something?”

When you step out to the main cabin you stop in front of Ben and quickly interject. “What do you want?”

Ben looks away from Reiner and slowly looks at you with concern. “Do you have an extra pack of cigarettes? I left mine in my other coat.”

You clench your fist and give him a tightlipped smile. “That was urgent?” You say through gritted teeth.

Ben nods and glances at Jean sitting down before looking back at you and giving you a cheeky smile. “Yes.”

“I do not carry cigarettes because the last box you had me carry you finished last week. Am I done now?” You sneer. “Or?”

Ben glances at Eric sitting down next to him and they share a look before he nods. “Yeah.”

You let out a deep huff and turn to return to your seat. Jean tries to settle down next to you, but you quickly throw your arms over the empty seat. “Sorry, this seat is taken,” you let him know sweetly.

Jean turns and looks at you with a pointed look. “What do you mean? It’s empty,” he points out.

“It’s Honey’s seat,” you sass him. “She demands to have her own seat. Sorry.” You smile and point at the seat across from you “You can sit there. Mikasa is with Armin. And Eric—”

Just as you say his name your brother slides in the seat across from you as if trying to cockblock Jean from even looking at you.

“…is there,” you finish under your breath and then look back at Jean still baffled by your cat's privileges.

“You’re not serious,” Jean retorts.

“She’s so serious,” Eric rebuttals for you. “Her cat thinks it’s royalty or something. It’s weird.”

Jean glances at your brother and then at the empty seat, and is going to ignore you, but just as he’s going to sit down, your brown cat comes over and hops back on her seat next to yours. She sees Jean too close so she looks at him with her green eyes and lets out a long meow.

“See,” you exclaim with a smirk. “Her own seat. I don’t make the rules.” You shrug.

Jean rolls his eyes and picks up the cat, making her let out an annoyed meow.

“I bought you damn thing now hold it before I accidentally sit on it,” he sasses and plops the cat on your lap as you watch him sit down with bewilderment.

Over the past 2 years, you've been breaking your head wondering, and constantly asking Levi and the others to reveal who gifted you the cat, but no one would say a thing.

Sure sometimes you did think Jean was the one, but since he barely wrote you back he quickly fell off that list. For some time you thought it was Reiner since he seemed to still be fawning over you, but he would’ve said it, so your guess was Levi or Mikasa, but they never said a thing so you were left wondering for 2 years. And now you finally know, and you should’ve known.

“You got her for me?” You probe softly as you hold onto Honey.

Jean drifts his gaze to the corner of his eyes and looks at you as if it’s no big deal. “Yeah,” he responds nonchalantly. “Made Mikasa pick her out to give it to you.”

You scoff softly in disbelief and lean closer to him. “Why didn’t you say so?” You press him.

Jean shrugs. “I was. The cat is a…apology present for how I acted before you left, but then at the last minute,” he sighs. “I chickened out and thought it was better if you didn’t know until I saw you.”

Your heart skips a beat and your smile tugs to a grin before you quickly let go of the cat to lean over and throw your arms around Jean.

It's kind of an awkward hug since you're sitting side by side, but you still hold onto him.

“Thank you,” you whisper softly and gently run your fingers through the ends of his hair, making him shiver and squeeze you gently.

“I knew you'd like it,” he whispers in your ear as he tilts his head closer to you to draw in a small breath as he catches a whiff of your fragrance clinging to your skin. “You smell nice,” he shares.

You smirk and slide your hands down to feel his biceps hiding under his suit. “You do too,” you redirect smugly before you pull back and hug your cat again.

“You know,” Eric adds and taps the table in between you and him. “Back in the city, there’s this guy named Fedric, who is heads over heels for my sister here.”

“Eric,” you try to cut him off.

“No, no, just listen,” he ignores you and smirks. “He’s, like, tall, and buff and has crazy blue eyes. I’m telling her to give it a shot, but she refused. Maybe, you,” he points at Jean. “Can advise her otherwise, considering you’re her best friend.” He shrugs.

You glare at your brother and kick him in the shin under the table, he flinches, but he keeps on a straight face.

“Why don’t you date him,” Jean rebuttals sassily. “Considering the way you’re describing him.”

You snort and smile at your brother, but Eric doesn’t share the same enthusiasm, he fakes laughs instead and mutters. “Funny, funny.”

You snicker at him and then turn to continue talking to Jean. “I hope you got enough sleep—”

“Hey!” Connie cuts in and slides into the empty seat next to Eric. “Does your cat have a diamond hanging off her collar, or am I going crazy?”

You lift your cat and nod. “Yeah, she does. Isn’t she so pretty?” You smile.

Connie squints and then he bursts out laughing. “You’re so weird! It’s a cat!”

You roll your eyes and set your cat down on your lap. “So?” You quip. “What's your point?”

“My point is that it’s an animal,” he explains himself. “It’s weird that you put that shit on her.”

You don’t get his point nor do you want to spend your time arguing, so you drop the subject and return to what you didn’t finish saying. “Anyway! I hope you guys got enough sleep, you guys have a busy schedule today. Plus, a little welcome back celebration hosted by me.”

“What?” Connie gasps.

You smile proudly and nod. “Yeah, after you get finished with all your introduction meetings, we’ll go get ready, have dinner, and then go to a cantina. How fun is that?” You exclaim.

“It was supposed to be a surprise,” Eric mutters. “Mikasa is going to get annoyed.”

You flick your wrist to wave him off. “It’s okay. I planned it. I couldn’t hold it in! There’s gonna be dancing, music, old military friends, new friends we’ve made, and drinks. It’s gonna be fun! And who knows Connie, maybe finally you’ll become a man tonight.” You smile sweetly and bat your lashes.

Connie snickers. “Cherry girl, I am a man. I left many ladies crying back in Marley.”

You scrunch your nose in disgust as you don’t find this funny anymore. “That’s gross.”

“You started it,” he snaps.

You groan and glance over at Jean to ask if it’s the same for him, but you catch him already looking at you with a soft smile on his face that makes you wonder.

“What?” You query.

Jean blinks in surprise as he snaps from his stupor, but he doesn’t grow flustered, or lose his smile, he simply shakes his head and interjects softly. “Nothing. You’ve just changed, that's all.”

Your face begins to burn and you’re the one that grows flustered now. “Well,” you whisper. “Yeah.” You laugh and nod. “Yeah. And you don’t stutter anymore. You used to stutter. Is it all the practice back in Marley?” You tease him.

Jean scoffs and grows cocky. “Natural talent, that's all.”

You giggle and shake your head. “Natural talent my ass. I know you, you’re not as smooth as you think you are.”

“Am so,” he quips and tries to slide his hand around your seat's headrest, but his arm slips and falls on your shoulders. He quickly tries to recover but it was too late you proved your point.

“Super smooth,” you say sarcastically.

Jean shrugs and nudges your shoulder with his fingers hovering over it. “You like it.”

You can't help but smile as you look away. And the moment you do you catch both Connie and Eric watching Jean and you with disgust, so you ignore their negativity and just look out the window with a happy smile on your face.

Levi is still missing but you feel content, and your heart feels at ease with the rest of your family finally back home.

——

*LATER THAT NIGHT*

After a long day of waiting for Jean and the others to go through their long meetings, and after a short and kind of chaotic dinner you’re finally living through the part of the night you’ve looked forward to all day, considering you weren’t in their dreadful meetings.

You can’t say that you can party like when you were a soldier—it’s not that you don’t enjoy it, you just can’t bring yourself to get your mind too clouded just in case, but! You do enjoy the music and the vibe!

You just have to back away when Connie and your brother Eric try to force more wine down your throat.

“Jean can do it, I believe you,” you throw him under so he can take your place.

“Hey! Hey!” Connie exclaims and points his finger at you. “Those are not the rules. Coin flipped on you, you, drink!”

He's incredibly drunk.

“Hey, hey!” Eric cuts in and stands up. “You can’t force my sister to drink!” He exclaims and faces Connie with a pointed look.

“Whoa—”

“I can! Drink girl!” He shouts at you and swings his cup at you, causing Connie to burst out laughing.

“That’s what I'm talking about!” Connie exclaims and jumps up to throw his arm around Eric, making them both sway.

You roll your eyes but you still can’t help but smile softly over the fact that they’re getting along well.

However, you use this moment that they’re distracted to back away and escape before they keep pressing you to drink, leaving Jean to deal with them instead.

Sure there’s only so many places to hide in a small place, but you keep moving in between the crowd and actually catch Armin and Mikasa trying to dance along to the music. However, they’re tipsy so it’s not going well.

And luckily they don’t notice you so you keep moving along, but stop when you spot Reiner all by himself in some secluded corner of the cantina.

You haven’t talked to him since he got here, and you’ve been meaning to. You’ve been dreading it but you want to talk to him—should you though?

Yes! You’ve grown up, matured, pondered, and had three years to be upset! You need to make peace with this. He’s the last piece left.

So you walk over to him and casually sit beside him as you keep your eyes on Mikasa and Armin dancing.

“There’s a lot of pretty women out there,” you interject and smile proudly upon seeing your cousin's joy—“Why aren't you dancing? Do you have a girlfriend back in Marley?”

Reiner scoffs. “No,” he mutters. “I can’t seem to find the right one…” he trails off and you feel his stare on you. “You, do you have a…boyfriend?” He whispers hesitantly.

You shake your head. “No, but…” you sigh and glance at Jean, and catch him looking back at you. “…I have my eye on someone.”

You smile at Jean and look away to finally look at Reiner who hasn’t taken his eyes off you.

“Hm,” he hums and averts his gaze to clear his throat before he changes the subject. “Uh, how are you? I mean with everything. The reason why you left,” he says.

You let out a deep breath and shrug. “I’m…fine,” you hesitate to answer. “I’m not angry anymore,” you mention and continue because regardless of other things, he was still there. Once. But enough to motivate you to escape.

“I have nightmares here and there, they won’t go away. And sometimes…it crawls up on me, the fear that someone is around trying to get me…but,” you sigh and smile softly. “I’m okay now. I’m actually doing quite a lot with Historia and my brothers for the Underground. So I’m good.”

A small smile crawls on Reiner’s lips and he nods softly. “That’s good. I’m happy for you,” he says softly and averts his gaze.

“Thank you,” you whisper and shift in your seat to face him with determination to finally address the one thing that matters between him and you. “Reiner.”

Said man slowly meets your gaze and seems to look hopeful.

“I…can forgive you,” you jump straight to the point so he doesn’t get some false expectations about where this is going. “I can forgive you for taking away my best friend. I can forgive you for looking me in the eye all those times and lying to me, I can forgive you because I don’t want to hate you. Because I don’t want that in my heart anymore, but,” exhale deeply and look at him with a long frown. “I won’t forget. I’ll never forget what you did. And I know it might be stupid maybe, petty, but you still lied, and you still took him away from me. He was my best friend. I loved him,” your voice quivers. “And I…liked you, and it hurt.”

Reiner looks as if he was just shot, even though he expected you to say this, your words still wound him and finally make him realize that he and you will always live in the past.

“I’m sorry,” he mutters and scoots forward, making you raise your chin and nod in comprehension.

“Yes, I know you are and I forgive you. I can see us maybe being friends, but nothing else,” you admit the truth. “Do you understand?” You probe so he can get the right idea and not be delusional.

“I,” he breathes out heavily. “I understand.”

You offer him a kind smile and nod. “Good. That’s all I wanted to hear.”

Reiner looks away and quickly cuts in bluntly. “Do you love him?”

You blink in confusion and follow his line of gaze to see him looking at Jean walking over here.

“I…do,” you respond honestly and look back at Reiner curiously. “Why?” You ask.

Reiner snaps his eyes to you and leans forward to grab your hand and offer you a small smile. “Does he make you happy?” He asks.

You laugh softly. “We aren’t together at the moment, but, yes…why?” You probe.

Reiner draws in a deep breath and his smile falters. “That’s all I ask. That’s all I want for you. Even if it’s not with me.”

A pitiful frown tugs on your face. “Reiner,” you whisper.

Said man tugs his smile wider. “I’m happy for you, y/n. I really am. I hope you get everything you want out of life.”

You genuinely smile and nod. “You too, Reiner,” you redirect kindly. “You deserve it.”

Reiner breathes hitches and his smile falters, but he doesn’t break. Especially because Jean reaches the table.

“Sorry, Reiner but I need to talk to y/n,” Jean cuts in, making you let go of Reiner’s hand to twist around slowly and look at him with a quirked brow.

“Need to?” You inquire.

Jean meets your gaze and nods. “I’m not asking. Let’s go.”

Your heart skips a beat and you offer Reiner one last smile before you follow Jean outside.

“What is this about?” You probe without waiting to be away from all the noise. “Are you going to propose to me after our first day back together?” You tease and glance up at the sky, noticing the thick clouds that are quickly rolling in across the canvas, but missing the way he slowly steals a look at you.

“You know,” you add with a smile. “It’s good you didn’t have a girlfriend because I visit your mom often and have occasional lunches with her. It'd be weird.”

Jean scoffs softly. “Well it’s not really your fault, she loves you,” he reminds you of the fact. “She’d be nagging you and me if you didn’t visit.”

You look down at him and smile softly. Jean holds your gaze, and you grow the need to remind him how much you missed him even though the only time you’ve been apart since he’s gotten back was when he was in a meeting room. “I’ve missed you, Jean. I’ve missed talking to you. I…I’ve missed you.”

Jean’s lips curl to a smile. “I’ve missed you too,” he doesn’t hesitate to return to you. “Now come on, just a bit further.”

You shoot him a puzzled look but don’t question him, you just hook your arm around his, and enjoy the peace in the silence at this time of night. You relish in the moist smell of incoming rain and smile at the feeling of his surreal presence.

“You know I think Ben really likes me,” Jean interjects making you look back at him. “Eric though…I think I need to work on him.”

You giggle. “Why?” You mess with him. “We aren’t dating or anything.”

Jean stops, forcing you to do the same and look at him with a playful smirk.

“No? So what are we then?” He quips.

You shrug. “You tell me,” you counter sweetly.

Jean swallows thickly and glances down before he grabs your face and leans in to slam his lips on yours, causing you to gasp softly out of shock, even though you crave the taste of his lips.

He then pulls away to cut off this interaction, but you pull him back in to really remind yourself of the feeling of his soft lips that desperately fall in sync with yours before he takes control and leads you in for an open-mouth kiss, as if he had been starving.

Then again you can’t say you’re any different, you throw your hands around his neck and run them up to clutch onto his hair to keep his mouth on yours as you tease him for a moment, before you slide your tongue over his bottom lip for him to take it in and suck on it as his hands grab onto your face.

You try to make a sound, but he takes your breath away and all you can manage to do is pull away to catch your breath, making him lean in to press gentle kisses on the corner of your mouth.

“Jean,” you whisper between pants.

Said man pulls back and licks his lips as he holds your gaze with a darkened gaze full of lust. “What about now?” He rebuttals. “Do you know what we are now?”

You glance at his lips and smirk as you shrug again. “Tell me.”

Jean grabs your chin and tilts your head up so you can meet his gaze. “You’re mine,” he clarifies. “No amount of space or time ever changed that. Sure I was upset, but I was stupid, and now I know you leaving was for the best,” he admits. “Because look at you. I’m proud of you, my love.”

Your eyes water and your smile trembles as your heart fills with bliss.

“And I like to think I’m a better man too,” he continues. “I’ve grown, matured, and I’m finally ready for a commitment that I was not ready for then.”

You grin and he leans in to press a soft kiss on your forehead before he steps back and slides his hand down to grab yours and tug you with him. “Come,” he points up the road.

However, just as you take a step in that direction drops of rain begin to sprinkle down, making Jean stop and look up.

“We have to hurry,” he cuts in.

Alas, that sprinkle changes to a pour that makes Jean let your hand go and drop his head.

“What?” You quire and grab his arm. “What's wrong? It’s just rain.”

Jean slowly looks up and shakes his head with an annoyed look on his face. “No,” he argues. “I had this entire thing planned with the stars, flowers, and all the stuff you like, but it’s ruined now because of the rain!”

You glance up up but quickly look back down when rain falls in your eyes, and beam at Jean through the thick raindrops. “I like the rain! I like the sound, and I like the sight of it when the light reflects over it for a second before it hits the ground!” You assure him through the pattering. “So, it’s okay!”

You tug him to continue forward, but he doesn’t budge, instead, he stays there and you notice his lips are parted and he’s looking at you with a softened gaze that makes you confused.

“What?” You ask. “What’s wrong?”

Jean's smile wobbles before he blurts, “marry me!”

Your confusion falls and you gasp.

Jean continues to grab your hands and falls on one knee. “I-I know this is our first day back together, we have a lot to catch up on, but I don’t want to waste any more of my time without you,” he exclaims. “I love you. Deeply. I can’t imagine my life without you in it, actually, every time I picture my life, you’re in it. I want to spend the future we fought so hard for to be spent with you. Forever. So please…marry me,” he whispers.

You wipe the tears and the rain off your face, but it’s pointless because more tears and rain stream down your face, leaving you drenched. So you just proceed to throw yourself on him and cry on his shoulder out of pure joy your heart is oozing out.

“Yes,” you cry happily. “I do. I want to spend my life with you too! I want forever with you.” You pull back and grab his wet face, “I love you, Jean Kirstein. You are my sun, you are my moon and my stars. Without you, it’d be like living underground in the dark again. So yes, I want forever with you too.”

Tears mix with the rain on Jean's face and his smile turns to a wide grin before he seals your distance with a passionate kiss, assuring you both of your desires.

——

*15 YEARS LATER*

The air underground isn’t as thick and suffocating as it once was. That stench of moisture, piss, and dirt has somewhat disappeared—that or you’ve grown used to the smell after thirty years.

Then again you would have heard complaints by now if it reeked under here. They wouldn't have kept quiet about that.

Regardless, the darkness underground doesn’t lurk in every corner like before. The houses that once stood tall are left abandoned and only used for criminals and the homeless.

6 years ago thanks to Historia’s help, your brothers, and you were finally able to give everyone a better life they deserve, a chance to live a longer life and not be stuck underground because of greedy people who got your ancestors stuck down here in the first place. Now only criminals run their businesses down here in a crumbling abandoned society.

And the only reason you’re down here is because you want to show your children where you and Levi were born, and that life can be tough but you can move past it, like Levi and Furlan did with you and their lives. Sure your kids don’t like the idea of being down here in a dirty place, they’re used to the sun on their skin, the grass under their toes, and the wind unfurling over their flesh. All they grew up with was a life of full bellies, common colds under warm beds, and attainable medicine. Jean nor you ever let them know suffering.

“When are we leaving? Eirene is coming over today!” You hear your first complaint, and of course, it’s from your six-year-old daughter, Star. She’s just like Jean. Even if Levi says she’s Kenny’s twin, in both appearance and personality.

Which, you don’t know if you should be offended by that or not. He’s your father, but there were also many things wrong with him.

“Aunt Mikasa and your cousin Eirene are not coming over until way later,” you correct Star. “We’ll be back home by then, so,” you sigh. “Why don’t you come help your grandpa here, hm?”

Levi peers over at you with a side glare, so you counter with a smirk.

“Okay!” Star exclaims and leaves her father's side to run over and throw herself on Levi’s lap which is the opposite of what you wanted her to do.

“Girl,” you argue, “that’s not—”

“It’s okay,” Levi cuts you off. “She’s fine.”

“Yeah,” Star groans and lays her head back against Levi’s shoulder. “He’s too heavy, I can’t push him. My arms will break! They almost did so yesterday.”

Jean and you share a teasing look, and just as you're going to play along, someone else cuts in.

“That’s impossible! You can’t break your arms by pushing a wheelchair, isn’t that right, pa?”

Levi shrugs. “I don’t know Lucian, I saw it happen once. But I also saw someone’s hands fall off because they were lazy.”

Lucian, your ten-year-old snickers, whilst Star’s jaw drops.

“That’s impossible,” she argues this time with a pout. “Right…dad?” She peers over at the man walking by your side and her blue eyes fill with worry.

Yet he does a horrible job at consoling her in between his stifled laughs. “Yeah,” he assures her. “Not true…maybe.”

Star sees through his mask hiding his stifled laugh and glares at him before she turns around and hugs Levi’s neck.

“You need a better poker face,” you scold Jean. “You suck and I’m a bad liar.”

Jean clears his throat and shifts the baby in his arms to his other side to let his eyes fully take you in. “I didn’t start it.”

“Yeah and we both know she can’t take it,” you rebuttal.

Jean laughs at the ground before he looks at the baby on his hip to offer her a teasing smile.

“No one appreciates a good joke do they?” He talks to the 8-month-old baby watching him with her deep brown eyes wide-eyed, and full of curiosity. “Will you?” He asks and scratches her little chin, making her laugh.

You smile in awe and grab his arm to lean over towards your baby. “Is your daddy being mean to you, Marceline? Tickling your cute chins, hm?”

The baby coos and stretches her fat arms over to try and grab you, but Jean hugs her against him so you wouldn’t take his little girl from him.

Marceline squeals and pushes herself up to hook her arms around his neck, making Jean press a kiss on her tiny dark curls.

And it seems she knows the reaction she got and what it means because she snuggles her face in the crook of his neck like she tends to do when he gives her any kind of affection. She just loves Jean, even if he and you aren't her biological parents.

Actually, you adopted her not so long ago, six years after the doctor told you that having a third baby would kill you due to your weak immune system. That was actually the reason why you were left in a bad state for weeks after you had Star.

Jean said he didn't want to put your life at risk and live through his worst fear, so you opted for adopting a few months back. And albeit you did worry that she wouldn’t be able to bond with either of you because of the lack of blood connection, you were proven wrong; the three of you instantly connected, and Star and Lucian didn't fail to do the same. Albeit it did take Star some time to get used to her new sister…she…hated her for some time.

But now! She adores her, even if she gets jealous of all the attention the baby gets.

“That’s no fair,” you complain and hug your husband's arm. “She likes you better.”

Jean turns his head to drop his eyes on you and shakes his head with a smirk tugging on his lips nonetheless. “You know that’s not true...but, it’s probably true.”

You know well it’s all a joke, you just like to tease him like now as you roll your eyes, and he reacts by throwing his other arm around your shoulders to keep you at his side the closer you get to your destination.

“But,” Jean whispers. “You’re my favorite girl.”

You can’t help the smile that tugs on your lips, and your heart from skipping a beat. “Good save,” you retort and slide your arm around his waist. “Smooth.”

Jean chuckles lightly. “Always am.”

You giggle and pull away to skip ahead when you approach the rock. The special rock under the gap on the ground that welcomes the sun inside, that was once a shining hope for Levi, Furlan, Isabel, and you.

“We’re here,” you announce proudly and turn to face your family.

Star studies the area and when she sees nothing but dirt and a rock, she scrunches her nose in disgust. “Ew,” she groans.

“Star,” Lucian scolds her. “That’s not nice.”

Your daughter ignores her brother and interjects. “What is this?”

You spin around and rush over to climb on the rock, finding it easier to climb it than when you were a little girl.

“This!” You exclaim happily. “Is a window into my past when Levi and I lived down here.”

You proceed to look around and see that a part of the ceiling has caved in so the gap is more like a decline that lets you come and go outside as you please, and that lets the sunlight shine brighter inside than ever before.

“Why here?” Lucian asks out of genuine curiosity.

“Well,” you sigh. “Back when I was young, people who lived underground couldn’t just go above ground. We needed special permits to live up there. And a lot of people here didn’t have the money, or the right connections to get those, so the only piece we had of the outside world was through gaps. Just like this one.”

Lucian glances up at the gap, making his light brown eyes gleam because of the sun's beam casting inside.

“You’d be here too, Pa?” Star asks Levi.

“Hm,” he agrees and picks up Star to get off his chair and walk towards the rock. “Your mom would love coming here. So we tried to come every weekend.”

Star stares hard at the gap, and Lucian finally breaks away from his spot to climb on with you.

“Do you think Uncle Eric and Uncle Ben came here?” Lucian asks.

You shrug as you take a seat. “I don’t know. We’ll have to ask….what do you think of this?”

Lucian studies his surroundings and he’s not as brazen as Star, you can see the wheels behind his turning as he tries to figure out something nice to say.

“It’s not the best place, not what you’re used to,” you whisper. “But you see that?” You point at the puddle of water across the rock. “At night when the moonlight hits here, all the puddles glimmer, and in the spring, because of the rain, clovers, moss, and wildflowers sprout on the dirt under the gap, and on the rock. In the winter, snow collects inside and people would come to enjoy it even if it was cold.”

Lucian looks at you and flashes you a sweet smile. You grin at him and ruffle his light brown hair.

“I don’t get it,” Star interjects.

“There’s nothing to get,” Levi rebuttals.

Star groans and drops out of Levi’s arms to run to the decline and look up at the sky for a moment before she smiles and runs above ground.

“Sorry,” Jean says as if it’s his fault she doesn’t get the appeal, but you’re glad she doesn’t.

“Well,” Lucian struggles to say. “It’s nice.”

You laugh softly and without having to be told you point your head outside. “You can go too.”

Lucian's eyes widen with guilt, so you offer him an assuring smile. “Go,” you insist. “It’s okay. We’ll be out in a minute.”

Lucian grins at you and quickly slides off the rock to chase after his sister and leave this cave.

“Well I think Marceline likes it,” Jean interjects and stands at the side of the rock.

You look down and just as you’re going to comment, a distant cry breaks in the air, and you know it comes from Star, so Jean and you share a knowing look.

“I’ll go,” he says. “Take the baby.”

You drag yourself to the edge and reach down to take the baby from Jean’s arms.

“Mommy! Daddy!” Star cries out, making Jean shout back.

“I’m goin’!”

You watch Jean jog out of the cave, and lose his figure when he’s above ground. You keep quiet and wait until you don’t hear Star stop crying when Jean tends to her to look down at your baby girl.

“You like it?” You ask her.

Marceline blinks and then begins to gnaw on her own fist.

“Cute,” Levi deadpans.

You snort and look back at him, and catch him carefully climbing up to join your side and look up at the blue sky thousands of miles above you.

“They don’t get it,” he says softly.

You turn Marceline around and let out a soft sigh. “No,” you say. “But I’m glad they don’t…it means we did good…right?”

Levi slides his hands in his pockets and nods in agreement. “Yeah. You did.”

“We did,” you correct him. “You won this war too. We did good. They don’t have to find beauty in this cave to try and stay hopeful. We fought for that.”

Levi hums and peers are you. “Why did you ask if you already know the answer?” He asks with a small smile.

You shrug. “I just wanted your opinion, but I should’ve known better.” You laugh softly and watch the sun ray that shines over the rock, and catch a beautiful orange and black monarch butterfly flutter inside.

“Would you look at that?” You muse to Marceline.

The baby is obvious to the insect until it surprisingly lands on her arm and startles her.

“It’s okay,” you coo. “It won’t hurt you.”

Marceline begins to breathe heavily as her eyes stay trained on the butterfly, but then she abruptly reaches for it.

Luckily though you catch her arm before she can snatch the delicate creature. “Careful,” you warn her sweetly and with a laugh. “Gentle. You have to be kind,” you whisper. “Remember that?”

Marceline shrieks and scares the butterfly away. She doesn’t let that discourage her though and squeals as she leans over to try and capture the butterfly already too far from her grasp.

“It’s gone,” you tell her. “Why don’t you say goodbye, Hm? Goodbye, butterfly.”

Marceline stays quiet for a moment as her eyes follow the butterfly out of the cave. And only once it’s out does she begin to open and close her hand as she mumbles. “Buh-byyy.”

You giggle and nod. “Yes! Good!” You encourage her and look up at Levi with pride before you look back at your daughter as she keeps her hand out as she notices the sunlight dancing on her chubby fingers.

“That’s the sun,” you let her know and put your own palm out.

Marceline glances at the sun on your palm and slaps her hand against yours as if trying to capture it.

“No, silly,” you interject. “It’s the sunlight. You can’t get it. Trust me I’ve tried.”

Marceline studies her hand and slowly turns it before putting her palm over yours so the sun would kiss her hand again.

“Sunlight,” try to make her say it. “Sunlight.”

Marceline giggles and doesn’t dare move her hand so the sun can keep clinging onto her, making you look at her with pride, whilst Levi looks down at the both of you in awe.

This is all he wanted. For you to have a good life, to be happy.

You have that now and much more. He sees that every day and all he can feel is pride and awe for you. He feels grateful that you had a chance to have the world. And yes, it started a bit painful, you knew suffering for some time, but you have all he wanted you to have, love, a future, a legacy, pure joy, and hope and he’s grateful for that every day he sees you.

However, what brings the most pride is that he kept his promise to Kenny, and himself, he took care of you. And that’s why you are and will always be his favorite achievement. You are his pride, his joy, and his hope. Forever.

A/N- Thank you, thank you and thank you a hundred more times to everyone who came along in journey with me and supported this fanfic series!! I really hope you all liked the ending, and I will always be grateful to all of you!! I hope to keep seeing you all around!!

Tagged- @expectoscamander @greenygreenland @that-soft-lesbian-friend @dai-tsukki-desu @usernamehere91 @avocadopoosae @romancried @victor-criss-bish @moo-moo-meadow @stareatceiling @padfootii @ravensleepyeyes @thanosisadilf @dawneee @babyyblueey @leahseclipse @ifimnotabushimnoone @luvelyxp @ameliabs-world @dragon-master-kai

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damn-stark · 8 months

Text

Chapter 6 Where you are

Chapter 6 of Sugar

A/N- I hope you guys are enjoying the series so far!!

Warning- Swearing, FLUFF!!, talks of blood and self inflicting wounds, long chapter.

Pairing- Suguru Geto x Gojo!fem-reader

Episode- Half of 2x01- 2x03

(Let me know if you want to be tagged)

————

The most dangerous thing about the good times is that you may grow too comfortable with them.

Ever since the incident with the mundane non-sorcerer capturing you, life wasn’t easy, you couldn’t be as naive. Yet when you began to date Suguru, he basked you in a beaming light, he’s helped you heal from that pain, that trauma. It’s true you’ll always have to live with those memories, but being with him has brought this good comfort to your life that was lost. You aren’t naive again, but you’ve never felt more alive.

So now that you are comfortable with life again all you want is this, you want to keep your friends, Suguru, and Satoru by your side. You want to continue living where you are now, in this happiness.

“Hey guys, I’m back—” You quickly cut yourself off after you open the gym door and walk into Suguru glaring at your brother, and your brother blabbing about something you can see is annoying Suguru.

“Quit making yourself feel better by sprouting bullshit.” Satoru raises his hand and pretends to act disgusted. “Blegh.”

What a pain in the ass. Why do they have to be like this?

Shoko spots you and quickly chooses to take her chance to run to you still by the door.

“Actually,” you announce loudly as you let the doors go and back up. “Forget I’m here.”

There’s one thing you’ve grown to really, truly hate since being here at school, and that is Suguru and Satoru arguing. They don’t get into physical fights, or stop talking to one another for periods of days—actually the day after you told Satoru you were dating Suguru, Suguru said he acted normal. So their arguments don’t escalate to nothing bad, but they are super fucking annoying!

Satoru and Suguru both have different ideals. Suguru always tries to have your brother see things his way. Suguru tries to humble your brother, but Satoru is hard headed so he doesn’t listen, he argues back and just makes things a petty mess. Which is why when they get like that you just stay out of it and or leave them alone until things cool off again.

And like now for example, and like many times before, Shoko leaves with you.

“How was today?” You ask her as you walk away from the gym.

Shoko shrugs nonchalantly. “Easy, but that’s why I got sent. It did feel nice going out with them though.”

You shoot her a small smile and interject. “You kill any curses?”

Shoko shakes her head. “Nah, Satoru and Suguru did most of the work. I was the support, and I was there for the experience.

You laugh softly. “I’d love to have you as my support,” you tease her. “I know I’d get my work done quicker.”

Shoko pushes your shoulder slightly. “Don’t tease me like that or I’ll gladly take you away from Geto.”

You both laugh and proceed to hook your arms around each others. Once you both calm down you cut in. “Are you free while Suguru finishes arguing with my brother? I want to practice my reverse cursed technique.”

Shoko looks at you with her eyebrows knitted together. “And you need me for what?” She asks. “To explain how it works?” She sighs and tilts her head away. “Because I really suck at that.”

You shake your head. “No, I know how it works, but I’m still learning though, so I need you to be my lookout, and to guide me,” you explain.

Shoko’s gaze drifts to you and she offers you a small smile. “Okay, I can do that.”

Like with Suguru, you take Shoko to your favorite spot up the hill and by the pond.

“So you know the basics, right?” Shoko inquires as she lets your hand go to sit on the bench whilst you sit on a large flat rock in front of the pond.

“Yes,” you agree. “Negative cursed energy times negative cursed energy equals positive cursed energy. It’s easy to grasp!”

Shoko folds her arms over her chests and shrugs. “You’d think, but only a selected few actually grasp the concept.”

You hum softly in agreement, and proceed to put your hand out and point your palm to the sky to quickly get into it before Suguru can find you.

“I learned it when I was a little girl,” you let Shoko know as you pick up a sharp enough looking stone from the ground around you. “I’ve just never actually developed it since I focused on bettering my cursed technique instead. But now that I’m here and actually have time. And now that you’re my friend and have such a special skill,” you flatter her. “I can finally focus on actually mastering RCT.”

You push the sharp stone towards your palm, but hesitate to actually cut it.

Albeit you know there’s no other way to actually practice without having to heal something. But, fuck! You are scared of the fucking pain.

You’re been through worse, but this is voluntary—But there’s no other way to get better. At least for you anyway.

Fuck! Fuck…okay here goes nothing.

You press the sharp end of the stone deep in your flesh and slice your palm, causing blood to quickly rush out and drop onto the rock you sit on.

It hurts like hell, but you try your best to drift your focus on healing your wound. After all, when it comes down to it, on a mission you’ll need to use RCT to heal your body, or worse, pull you from the nasty grasps of death. Which is why you inhale deeply and try to drift that positive cursed energy from your chest to your wounded palm. However, it’s as your chest rises that Shoko quickly leaves her spot on the bench and crouches down in front of you.

“No,” she cuts in and grabs your wrist, not caring if she could get stained by blood. “Unlike our cursed energy which flows from our stomach,” she says as she swiftly moves her hand over to touch your stomach. “RCT is directed from the brain,” she says and now moves her hand to point at your head.

RCT is something you barely grasped, but never dived too deep into. So what she says is really surprising and informative.

“Alright,” you mutter and let your breath go to now drive your focus to your head, to focus on the negative cursed energy you produce to positive.

And it’s funny, or great in a sense. You can actually feel your mind producing that positive cursed energy, it feels…tingly but soothing. As you focus on driving it to your bleeding wound you can actually feel that positive cursed energy flowing to your hand. It’s amazing.

Yet nothing beats how awe-striking it is to watch RCT stitch your flesh back together. If it weren’t for the blood staining your hand, it’d be like nothing ever happened. There’s not even a scar.

Then again, the cut was small and done without cursed energy hurting you. Scars can still form on severe cases.

“I need you to promise me something, Y/N Gojo,” Shoko interjects, causing your attention to snap to her standing up—“with RCT directed from your brain it means that if you face an opponent and they figure out you can heal yourself, they’ll go for your head so you can’t heal. So,” she says softly. “Always protect your head. You are more skilled in long range combat after all.”

You blink in surprise to her expression of affection. She’s not someone who actually acts cool and distant like Nanami, she shows her affection in her own ways, but it’s rare hearing her express it verbally and with such vulnerability.

“Well,” you sigh. “That’s true,” you agree. “But Satoru and Suguru are both helping me train in close combat, so down the line I’ll be comfortable using both.”

Shoko averts her gaze and hums softly as she nods. “Okay,” she says before sliding her eyes back to you. “Well that doesn’t change anything. Promise me you’ll protect your head…life around here would be pretty boring without you.”

You push yourself up and approach her with an assuring smile. “Well if that’s the case,” you say. “Then I promise I’ll always try to be careful, Ieiri. I swear.”

Said girls lips pull to a soft smile before she chuckles and nods. “Good,” she mumbles. “Now,” she sighs and sits on the bench again. “Heal a cut made by the stone I’ll imbue with my cursed energy because—”

“They’re harder to heal,” you finish for her as you step back and sit back down on your spot.

Shoko scoffs. “No—well sometimes, but actually, they’re slower to heal.”

You hum in comprehension and pick up a different stone to throw over to her waiting hand. And just like she mentioned, when you cut your palm with the stone imbued by cursed energy, you feel the RCT heal your wound slower than before. This time rather than it feeling soothing, when your hand begins to heal, it feels…irritating for the first few seconds until you don’t feel anything.

Is it going to feel like this all the time then? That’s annoying.

“See, now you’ve mastered it,” Shoko deadpans. “Easy. Just remember that it comes from your brain, not your stomach, so please don’t fry your brain either.”

You lean back on the rock by putting your arms back, and then counter her. “It might be easy, but I need to perfect it.”

Shoko shrugs sluggishly. “I guess.”

Now that you’ve got that over with, you wonder where Suguru is. It’s been a while now and you did agree to train together today.

Did they really get in a fight?

You to Sugar: Did you and my brother kill each other or? Where are you?

“Can you help me later?” Shoko interjects. “My lab rats only get me so far, I need to test out on a person.”

Your face twists in horror. She wants you to be her labrat?

The last time that happened you ended up with a broken nail and a twisted wrist. It hurt! Seeing your nail break hurt your soul.

“Well…” You roll out hesitantly and avert your gaze.

However, before you can answer your phone goes off as a message arrives. When you check you instantly smile.

Sugar: Here

Your smile fades and you feel confused now. Nevertheless just as you were typing your probing question, multiple footsteps can be heard approaching the area. When you look over to the path you catch sight of Suguru coming up the hill first. You shoot each other a smile before suddenly Satoru runs past him and runs over to you to push you down before he runs past you.

“Hey!” You shout before you get up and chase after him.

Satoru doesn’t run away fast, so you catch up to him quickly and push him back.

Satoru laughs and lets himself fall beside Shoko on the bench. You don’t get carried away and leave him be, instead you just glare at him whilst Suguru falls beside you.

“What were you guys fighting about earlier?” You express your curiosity since you walked in while it was already tense.

“Nothing,” Satoru answers bluntly, whilst Suguru proceeds to answer at the same time with an actual response.

“Difference in morals, Yaga cut us off before anything could develop though.”

You roll your eyes in annoyance. You should’ve known, it was almost always the same thing.

“Anyway, onto actually interesting news,” Shoko cuts in and pushes your knee with her shoe. “Y/N here mastered RCT.”

You shake your head and quickly rebuttal her. “Not mastered. I still need to get better, but yes I've understood the concept a lot better now. Which will help me better.” You tried not to but you can’t help it. You get excited to show it off, especially to your brother. “Watch!”

You proceed to pick up the stones you had been using, and while Shoko imbues one stone with her cursed energy you use the other normal stone to cut your palm again.

“That doesn’t seem sanitary whatsoever,” Satoru mutters as he watches you lean over to let Shoko cut your other palm with the imbued stone.

“It doesn’t matter,” you brush Satoru off and lift your hands to show off your palms to the three spectators. “Now watch!”

Suguru leans to the side to take a better look at your palms, while you focus on your brain and multiply the negative cursed energy to create positive cursed energy. Once again that weird sensation hits you, but that quickly gets drowned out by your excitement as your wounds begin to heal.

“You seeing it?!” You ask your brother with a grin.

Satoru nods softly. “Yeah I’m watching. Good job, sis,” he says genuinely.

You can’t contain your excitement and let it out by embracing Suguru’s arm.

“I’m glad you finally got around to finish learning that,” Suguru says as he tilts his head down to rest his chin on your head. He would’ve kissed your head, he likes doing that all the time, it’s his favorite thing to do when you aren’t kissing each others lips, but of course he doesn’t now because he says he doesn’t want to make Satoru uncomfortable by actually kissing you, even if it is just your head. So instead he likes to remedy that by small acts when you’re around your brother; like wrapping his arm around your shoulders, hooking his pinky with yours, sitting behind you and wrapping his legs around you, or like now, holding your hand and giving it a gentle squeeze.

“I’ve pushed it off for far too long,” you say and hold onto him tighter.

“Now she’s better at something else than you,” Shoko directs at Satoru.

It’s not like you tried to do it for that reason, actually you learned RCT to try and impress your parents when you were young. Let’s just say they didn’t really care though.

“What’s the other thing may I ask?” Your brother asks as he you see him look at your friend with an unamused look.

Shoko smirks. “Looks,” she doesn’t hold back from saying.

You beam at her and hear Suguru laugh, whilst Suguru rolls his eyes and shakes his head in disagreement.

“Now let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves,” he says, making you groan. “Let’s instead focus on the reason why we stopped here.”

You raise a questioning brow and press him. “What do you mean?”

Satoru shoots you a smirk. “Suguru and I are going on a three-day mission starting today. We should be on our way, but,” he pauses and groans. “Suguru wanted to stop by to talk to y/n.”

Your eyes widen slightly before you let Suguru’s arm go to step back and look between him and your brother with curiosity. “Mission?” You probe. “Since when?”

Suguru passes Satoru an annoyed look before he meets your gaze and answers. “Since today, that’s why Yaga interrupted us. We’re being sent to protect Tengen’s Star Plasma vessel from two groups that are trying to stop her from joining Tengen and merging.”

Her?

“One is the Curse User Group Q,” Satoru continues for Suguru. “Which is looking to upend Jujutsu society with Tengens rampage.”

“Okay,” Shoko says in comprehension, whilst your mind dwindles between the information and the fact that it’s a girl they’re protecting.

You shouldn’t be jealous, it’s a job, and from what you’ve learned on Tengen, he needs a vessel to stop himself from evolving to some higher being. So the girl is going to die and what is it…become one with Tengen? Or become him? It? They? Well whatever, the girl is going to die—but you are still feeling inklings of jealousy.

“And the other group,” Satoru continues. “Is the Star Religious group, also known as the Time Vessel Association, which worships Tengen as a god or something.”

Why do they want to stop Tengen from assimilating then if he’s their god?

Yet before you can ask that something else spills out of your mouth. “How old is this girl?”

Shoko chuckles, and Satoru scoffs before Suguru answers, “middle school age.”

Oh, what a relief.

“So you’ll be away from school why? Isn’t it safer bringing her here?” You ask. “Have her spend the rest of her time here where it’s protected?”

Satoru shrugs. “You’d think, but we’re supposed to stay away until the last day. I’ll see if I can change that though,” he comments with obvious annoyance. “I’m not entertaining no brat.”

Suguru sighs in disagreement but doesn’t comment, instead he grabs your arm and begins to pull you to him. “Satoru why don’t you meet me down the hill? We need to go now, we’ve wasted enough time as it is. I just want to talk to y/n first.”

Your brother narrows his gaze and slouches with the intention not to move.

“Satoru,” you call out so he can listen.

Shoko gets the memo and when she gets up she grabs Satoru’s arm to drag him with her. Luckily he doesn’t make this harder than it needs to be and follows her.

“Two minutes,” Satoru warns Suguru nevertheless. “Or I will come and drag you out.”

You roll your eyes, but Suguru just nods without bothering to counter back with something sassy or filled with annoyance. You then proceed to watch your brother walk away until he’s no longer visible.

“Three days?” You question as Suguru turns to face you now.

Suguru nods softly. “Yeah, but we might end up coming back here after we pick her up. I don’t know, I'll let you know.”

You scoff and shoot him a smile as you lean over and press your hands on the sides of his neck. “No, don’t distract yourself, you don’t have to text me. Focus on the mission and keeping yourself safe. Please.”

A small smile tugs on his lips and he carefully begins to caress your hand that you have on his neck. “I will, but I do have your brother so I’ll be okay.”

You nod in agreement. “Yeah I know. But still,” you say. “I don’t want to distract you. If you’re not here by tonight I’ll send you something. And if you miss me throughout the day, watch your homescreen or look through your camera roll full of pictures of me.” You laugh softly. “Or look at your messages…I might surprise you and send you a picture.”

Suguru grins and raises his hands to cup your cheeks and pull you in for a deep kiss. You cherish it and revel in it as if you won’t see each other again, as if you’re afraid to forget the taste of each other's lips. You proceed to tease him to keep him with you longer, but just as you swipe your tongue on his bottom lip he pulls back and presses a kiss on the top of your head instead.

“You know I can’t stay long,” he mutters against you. “Be wary of your phone, okay? You’re strong—”

You scoff in protest, but he pulls his head back to meet your gaze and reassure you. “You are, and we might need you, so just be wary. Regardless I’ll call you later.”

He didn’t listen to you whatsoever.

“Fine,” you say and don’t bother arguing. “Be careful…” you pause as you want to say those three meaningful words again, but you stop short before you can even utter them. You’re still too scared to do it.

You don’t want him to reject you, nor do you want to force him to repeat it if he doesn’t mean it yet.

“Look out for each other,” you add instead. “I do want to see you again, you know?”

Suguru laughs softly before pressing one last kiss on your lips. “I’ll be careful, Firefly.”

You groan in protest and push him back, causing him to snicker before he takes your hand and walks with you down the hill.

And just like he was told, Satoru is waiting for Suguru down the hill. Except he’s being annoying about it and tapping his foot on the floor while he has his arms crossed.

Since you’ve said your goodbyes with your boyfriend though you walk to your brother. “Be careful, Satoru, okay?”

“I don't need to be careful,” he responds all smugly, making you roll your eyes but continue to try and be sweet and caring.

“Just don’t die, look out for each other and…come back.”

Satoru tilts his head down to look at you with his eyes before he responds in the same smugness. “Don’t worry, sis.” He shoots you a half grin. “I’ll be fine.” He turns on his heels and grabs Suguru’s arm to pull him along, most likely because he thought Suguru would want to take one more minute with you.

You still follow them though, all the way to the exit. They both wave at you when they’re walking out, and you wave back with a small smile on your face. When they give you their backs as they keep retreating, you just stand there and watch their figures turn smaller until you can no longer see them.

You have nothing to worry about, you tell yourself so as to not worry about the two most important people in your life. Theye the strongest after all.

——

*LATER*

“What about after graduation?” You ask your group of friends. “Do you guys have any specific plans or are you planning on staying here?”

It had been only a couple hours since Satoru and Suguru left, and you’ve kept yourself busy at home since then since you didn’t get sent out on a mission after the one you went to in the morning; you’ve trained with your cursed technique, mediatated, and read. Now you’re helping Shoko just like promised, except Haibara and Nanami are with you too.

Well Nanami ended up helping Shoko, you are…supporting her from across the small table, and talking to her and your friends with your legs on Nanami’s lap, and your body leaned against Haibara as you give yourself a nice manicure.

“Well I already have a cozy job offer here,” Shoko shares nonchalantly. “So unless I get offered something better, then I’m staying here.”

You hum in comprehension and tilt your head back to peek at Haibara as he answers your question next. “Well I actually would like to be a teacher, so if they gave me a job here I would totally stay.” He says with enthusiasm before looking at you from the corner of his eyes. “What about you?”

You roll your head down and watch as you file the nail on your left pointer finger. “I’m leaving after school. I’ll accept jobs, but I won’t stay here.” You sigh. “I have goals I want to accomplish that don't involve staying here. Maybe I’ll be like Miss Yuki Tsukumo.” You smile proudly. “She’s so cool! I want to be like her when I grow up.”

Nanami scoffs before retorting. “She’s a slack off, she doesn’t pick up missions so that leaves us to do more work. She’s an adult but acts like a rebellious teen. You have the potential to be a lot better.”

You shrug him off and defend a woman you’ve never met before but have only heard about. “Well I think she’s cool. And the higher ups dislike her so she’s even cooler in my book.”

You move onto your last nail and only remember that you’re helping Shoko when he asks her a question from her notes.

“How many pairs of chromosomes does a human being typically have?”

You’ve always wondered why it is that Shoko wants to actually study to be an actual doctor when she has her special RCT ability that does all the work. And she put it simply, she wants the title and it’ll help her understand medical situations better. If it were you, you wouldn't do all that, but now that she’s doing it, good for her. You support her, and are proud of her.

“23 pairs,” she answers nonchalantly.

Nanami nods in agreement and pulls out the next notecard.

“So what about a family?” Shoko asks a different question to drift away from her study. “Would you guys want a family of your own? I don’t know if I would, I’ll go with the flow. All I do know is that I’m going to become a doctor.”

You smile at her with pride whilst you also give her your hand so she can help you paint your nails.

“Well,” you sigh and answer what comes to mind. “I don’t know, I’ve never given it any thought. It’d be nice I think, but…” you pause for a second and look up at the ceiling. “I really don’t know.”

The world isn’t perfect, it never will be, but you know all the ugly that it contains. It’s why you’ve never actually let yourself actually think too deeply about that. It’s why you’re okay if you don’t have a family of your own, plus you’re happy with the family you already have; your brother, Shoko, Nanami, Haibara and Suguru. As long as you have them in your life you’ll always be satisfied.

“Now you, Haibara,” you direct back at your friend. “What are your thoughts?”

“Hm, well,” he hums quietly before he shares what he knows. “I think it would be nice when I meet the right person.”

You smile softly and nod. “That’s good.” You look at the blond guy across you and give him the option to answer since he was mostly quiet while you all talked. “And you Nanamin?”

“No,” he answers bluntly. “I don’t think so, at least not while I continue doing this.”

“Fair.”

“Now, next question,” he drifts the attention away. “What part of the body produces insulin?”

Shoko props her elbows on the table and rests her chin on her hands as she thinks.

“Liver?” She answers hesitantly.

Nanami shakes his head and presses the notecard on the table so she can see the real answer; the pancreas.

“Oh,” she laughs it off. “I was going to answer with that. It’s a good thing I still have some time to go before I begin to study for my doctor's license.”

Nanami shakes his head in disapproval, and Haibara and you laugh. Shoko smirks before she lets your hand go so the paint can dry. You’re about to give her your other hand but then your phone rings, so you quickly slide your legs off Nanami’s lap and sit up. When you pick your phone you see that it’s Suguru calling you.

You told him not to, but you’re happy that he is, so you answer right away. “Hello!” You smile wider. “Are you okay?”

“Yes,” he relieves you of that worry. “I’m fine. We’re all fine. We just uh, fought some curse users here…”

That doesn’t sound fine.

Your smile falls and you press him with worry and annoyance that was he brushing off the real danger of it all just to assure you. “That doesn’t sound fine. Where are you guys?”

“We’re fine,” he repeats himself. “We are now, that's why I’m calling you.” He laughs softly, but you find no amusement or reassurance in that laugh.

“You also said you’d call if you were in danger—are you being held captive? Cough if you need help.”

“Is everything okay?” Haibara interjects as they all listen in.

“Y/N,” Suguru calls out firmly. “I’m okay, Satoru is okay. We are okay. I just…wanted to hear from you.”

Regardless of how annoyed you currently feel, your face burns and a smile twitches on your face. “Well in that case,” you play along. “I am glad you’re calling. I know it must be hard work, so thank you for taking time out of your day to call. But are you sure it’s okay? I’ve been holding back from texting you out of fear that I’ll distract you.”

Suguru shares a breathless laugh. “It’s fine, darling.”

He’s never called you that before. Your mother used to call you that, but she never actually meant it affectionately, and it was always while she was being manipulative about something.

But Suguru, his voice is soft when he says it, it’s not dry or emotionless. You like the way he says it.

“Well, okay then,” you whisper. “What do you want to hear? How proud I am of you? I’m not there but I know you’re doing a good job.” You smirk.

“Please,” Nanami cuts in. “Take that call somewhere else.”

You wave him off and once again swing your legs over to rest them on his lap.

“No,” Suguru mumbles. “You don’t need to do that, especially because I’m not done yet. Just tell me about your day, what are you doing now?”

“Now?” You repeat and look around at your group of friends. “I’m helping Shoko by being her laprat.”

Suguru scoffs. “Labrat? Again? Well please tell her to keep you whole, I do look forward to seeing you again.”

You grin and can’t help but giggle like a lovestruck dork.

“I will relay the message, but don’t worry I’m helping her study.”

“You are?” Nanami mutters.

You laugh. “I am!” You counter. “I'm her emotional and mental support. So is Haibara.”

“I like the sound of that,” said guy agrees.

You throw your hand out and give him a thumbs up before you focus back on Suguru.

“Are you coming back here?” You ask him full of hope.

Suguru sighs and stays quiet for a moment, making you begin to worry. Before you can ask he answers. “No, not yet. We’re actually on our way to Naha.”

“You’re going to Okinawa?” You cut in with disbelief, making your friends pay closer attention. “What for?”

There’s another second of silence before he answers. “Uh, the vessel, Riko Amanai, her caregiver got captured by the Time Vessel association, so we’re going to go rescue her.”

The mundane non-sorcerer cult took the caregiver?

Here you thought they’d be weak.

“So you lied?” You remark.

“No,” Suguru quickly rebuttals. “No, we’re fine, we’ll get her back with no trouble I’m sure of it.”

“Uh-huh.”

“How long do you think you’ll stay there then?” You ask quieter.

“We’re flying over tonight and getting the caregiver back in the morning, so just a day…that’s actually another reason why I’m calling you too.”

You sigh. “Here I thought you actually wanted to talk to me. Pft.”

“I did want to hear your voice, that's why I delayed on telling you this now,” he argues back. “Yaga is probably going to tell you soon, but we need you, Nanami and Haibara to fly in tomorrow morning. The guys will be guarding the airport and you’ll meet up with us.”

At least you’ll see him again, that’s the good thing. But he did avoid telling you about the trouble they’re facing though, so that’s irritating.

“We’ll be at an Island,” he continues to add. “So you’ll have an advantage with your cursed technique just in case something does happen while we’re here.”

You hum in agreement, and that’s when he notices that you aren’t excited as you should be.

“I didn’t hide the truth on purpose, you know?” He argues.

This time you listen to what Nanami complained about and sit up. “Just hold on,” you tell Suguru, and then get up and step out of the room to talk to him now that your conversation has drifted to something more private and serious.

“Okay, I’m back now, and I’ll just say,” you interject right away. “I could have handled it. You don’t need to protect me. One it’s not you or my brother in danger so it would be easier to understand. Two, if this is going to continue working we need to communicate. You can’t decide for me what you think is okay or not, I decide that. And I know I can be a little sensitive, but you can’t shield me from the ugly you know?”

A deep breath comes from the other end and silence follows. You can’t see his face but you wish you could so you can read his expression. You don’t regret what you just said, you don’t even feel bad, it’s your truth, and a truth he needs to know if you're going to continue dating. But you don’t like the silence. It makes you nervous.

It’s not until a few seconds later that Suguru interjects softly. “I understand, I’m sorry. I should have not avoided the subject from the beginning, you’re right you can handle it. I just did want to hear from you first, it’s been a…long day.”

You smile bashfully down at the floor beneath your feet. “I guess the news would’ve spoiled the mood,” you admit.

“Yeah,” he agrees. “But you are also right. I shouldn’t have shielded you from the truth. Not at a time like this.”

You nod. “Exactly.” You smile softly and just before either of you could say anything, the voice of your brother is heard in the background.

“Hey, you’re still talking to y/n?”

“Yes?” Suguru answers.

You narrow your gaze slightly in confusion, but you then understand why he bothered to ask.

“Okay, just pass her to me, I need to talk to her,” Satoru mutters quickly before you hear commotion and then his voice through the phone. “Sis before you leave, while you pack, go to my room and bring me some casual clothes. Something comfortable. Understand?”

You sigh and don’t even think of your answer. “All right. I understand.”

“Good! Thank you—oh and bring yourself something comfortable too! Beachwear. So bring me something for that too actually.”

You look down at the floor confused before you probe. “Why? What are you planning?”

You can practically hear your brother grin before he answers evasively. “Just do what I ask.”

You roll your eyes. “Fine,” you breathe out, but drop your annoyance quickly as you fill with worry again. “Are you okay, Satoru? Have you eaten? Slept?”

“Hey,” he blurts. “Don’t you worry about me. I’m strong, and I’m the oldest sibling here. Just worry about getting here, and…Suguru. I’m fine.”

Yeah you won’t do that but you don’t want to argue so you just mumble back. “I understand.”

Footsteps begin to echo nearby so you look off the ground and see Yaga approaching. Most likely with the news Suguru just shared with you.

“I have to go,” you let Satoru know. “But! You’re on your way to the airport right?”

“Uh-huh.”

You smile excitedly. “Okay, do me a huge favor, go to that shop we like to go to, the one next to—”

“Mochi?” He finishes saying for you. “I’m so ahead of you, sis. I got us some!”

You grin. “Yay. Okay, okay I really have to go now. Bye.”

“I’ll pass you back to Suguru.” Satoru says, and you hear rustling as he does just that.

Yet just before your boyfriend can actually give you a proper goodbye, Satoru hangs up for him. “Goodbye—“

He’s still hesitant about Suguru and you. It’s not as bad as before, but he still hasn’t fully come to terms with the fact.

Then again can you blame him? You’re his little sister, someone he’s protected and looked after all his life. And Suguru is his best friend. The only one you’ve ever seen him have, so you’re both important to him. He has every right to be protective over the both of you. However he does need to trust the both of you too.

“Gojo,” Yaga greets as he approaches the porch.

You put your phone away and offer him a tiny smile as you return his greeting. “Yaga.”

Said man sighs and points his chin to your phone. “Was that your brother?”

You nod. “It was, Suguru called me and Satoru butt in.”

Yaga hums before he continues. “Then I assume you know about what you’re going to do?” He says. “Geto said he’d call you to catch you up.”

You nod and turn around to open the door to the room you were just in. “Yeah, I know everything.”

“I normally wouldn't have chosen to send you or the others yet,” Yaga explains as he trails after you “But Geto and your brother asked for the three of you. So I’m going to trust you, all of you, to do your jobs and make it back.”

You look back and shoot him a prideful smirk. “Don’t worry,” you assure the man. “We can handle what may come our way. We’re strong together.”

——

*THE NEXT DAY*

Ever since coming to school, getting out of your school uniform is growing to be pretty uncommon, sure you find the smallest excuses to wear all the clothes you have and buy, but it’s hardly enough.

Coming to actual fun places for missions is rare. Sure nothing about hiding out from bounty hunters is fun, but every mission you’ve gone to has dark corners, sketchy streets, dark to dim lighting, it’s all truly ugly.

It’s why you don’t even think twice about going all out right now at the beach! You wear a bathing suit under your bright colored tight corset and black mini skirt. You wear cute and expensive shades, you can even carry a cute bag that matches the color of your platform sandals. Plus it helps you not stand out, you blend right in with the rest of the beachgoers!

Albeit you do wonder why you’re at the beach exactly. The guys said to meet them at the beach right as you got off the plane instead of letting you help like you were sent here to do. Howbeit! You’re not complaining, you love the beach, you love the sun kissing your skin, the sound of the crashing waves, the salty air, the calmness of the environment—

Actually! There is one thing you are complaining about, they’re late. They were supposed to meet up with you thirty minutes ago. So it’s a good thing you’re at the beach and not anywhere haunted, you would’ve flipped if it was the latter.

And now you would message them, but you’d rather not bother and leave them worrying instead.

And it’s a good thing you do because they leave you waiting for another fifteen minutes before Satoru and Suguru get off a cab with a young black haired girl, and an older woman dressed like a maid.

“Sorry—”

“I could’ve been dead already,” you cut Suguru off and cross your arms over your chest as you glare at the both of them.

Satoru skips over to close the gap between him and you. “You’re too annoying to kill,” he blurts teasingly. “Did you bring my things?”

You sigh and drop your arms to your side to pick up a totebag off the ground and hand it to your brother. “Don’t mess it up, I have stuff in there too.”

Satoru flashes you a grin. “Thanks, and…” he trails off and gives you a gift bag from the sweet shop with the good mochi.

You can’t stay upset anymore so you smile at him before he walks off to change out of his uniform.

“You land all right?” You hear Suguru ask as you’re focused on taking out the mochi your brother gave you.

“Yeah,” you answer with your attention wavered. “You okay?” You finally look up at him as you pull out the package, and smile when you see that he’s not hurt. “You look good, are you?”

Suguru’s smile deepens as he nods. “Yeah. The work was simple. The interrogation did take longer than expected though. Sorry about that.”

You open the box and shake your head. “Don’t worry about it, I like being here,” you assure him. “Albeit why are we here? At the beach I mean? Won’t it be easier protecting…” you trail off and glance at the young girl past his shoulder, and catch her eyes already on you. “…the girl at school?”

Suguru sighs and nods. “It would, but Tengen ordered us to let her enjoy her time before the merge. So we’re here.”

You hum in comprehension and take a bite from your snack. “Well, I can’t say I'm complaining,” you say with your mouth full. “This is the best mission location I’ve been to so far.”

Suguru smiles softly before he checks that Satoru isn’t coming.

When the ghost is clear he leans over and presses a kiss on your cheek. “You look good by the way.”

You gulp and feel your heart flutter, and your smile turn bashful. “You should wait and see me in my bathing suit,” you manage to tease him.

Suguru swallows thickly. “I can’t wait,” he counters softly.

You laugh softly before you offer him your bitten mochi. “Want some? I can’t guarantee there will be some left when you come back from changing—You are changing out of your uniform right?”

Suguru laughs and nods. “Yes. I’ll do that now,” he says as he takes the bitten mochi from your hand and walks off, leaving you with the other two that you have yet to introduce yourself to.

“Forgive me,” you tell them after you wipe your mouth. “I got carried away,” you tell them as you step towards them. “I am Y/N Gojo.” You smile sweetly and bow your head. “First year at Jujutsu High.”

The young girl swallows thickly before she bows her head. “I’m…Riko Amanai,” she introduces herself. “Nice to meet you.” She then looks at your shades and continues. “I really like your clothes. You’re dressed really nice.”

Your smile grows to a grin and feel your heart skip a beat. That’s the best commitment you could ever recieve. It means you did well on picking your outfit. You love it.

“Thank you, Amanai. Really.” You then proceed to look at the woman beside her. “Hello, you must be her caregiver?”

The lady nods and offers you a tiny smile. “Yes, I’m Misato Kuroi.”

“Are you okay? I heard what happened,” you interject with concern.

Miss Kuroi nods quickly. “Yes, I’m fine. I didn’t get hurt, and Geto and Gojo saved me in time as well.”

You offer her a kind smile and nod. “That’s very good.”

“Thank you,” she cuts in and grabs Amanai’s shoulder. “You had to fly all the way here for us even if it isn’t your mission.”

You shake your head. “Well,” you sigh. “It kind of is now that I am involved, but don’t worry. We’re sorcerers, we have to look out for one another. We’re few as it is.” You smile and catch your brother coming out so you focus on him while the girls go and change now too.

“Do you have more?” He asks as rushes over to you with the tote bag in hand.

You nod and extend the box to him after you take another one. Once your brother reaches you he takes a mochi, and you take a bite of yours before you ask what’s been on your mind. “So what’s the plan for today?”

Satoru takes big bite and then holds the snack in between his teeth to dig in his back pocket, and pull out a folded paper he gives to you.

You take another bite and then finish it before you open the paper to read the schedule for today and tomorrow.

‘Day 2…13:00 meet with Gojo 2 at the beach and then swim…”

You groan and blink to look at your brother with annoyance. “Gojo 2?” You quote back at him.

Satoru snickers. “Yeah it’d be confusing otherwise.”

You roll your eyes and look back at the sheet.

‘15:00...Day 3, 11:00 Amanai’s Bounty Taken Down. Assimilate with Tengen after sunset!’

“Well,” you comment and fold the paper back. “That’s quite a day. It’s too bad we’re leaving here so soon. We should come back,” you suggest and give him back the schedule. “With all the others too. It'd be so fun.”

Satoru nods as he takes one more mochi from your box. “Yeah, that would be fun. Perhaps in the summer.”

You smile giddly and nod in agreement. Silence then follows and you take the time to study him for any visible wounds. He can’t do RCT yet, nor is Shoko here so if he got hurt it’d be visible since he has a lot of body exposed.

Yet it doesn’t look like he did. Good.

“When we go back home,” Satoru adds quieter and in a more serious tone. “You’ll go back to school to grab what you need, and then go on a mission with the other first years.”

You blink in surprise and pull your shades up before you shake your head. “No, but I should stay in school,” you argue. “The bounty won’t be down until tomorrow morning. What if something happens? We could help, I could.”

Satoru shakes his head and finally meets your eyes and narrows his gaze. “I said you’re going,” he deadpans. “Listen for once in your life.”

You part your lips to argue, but nothing comes out. You can’t form a word sentence to argue back with. There’s no point either, there’s no winning him, when he’s dead set on something and serious like he is now, there’s no changing his mind. There’s no point in having Suguru talk with him either, he probably already knows about the plan and agrees to it. Plus…you don’t want to argue now. The sun is bright, the sky is so beautifully blue, the waves look calm, and the air is soft.

Instead when you catch Suguru walking away from the changing station you shoot him a bright smile, and feel butterflies flutter in your stomach as you see that he’s not wearing anything under his blue short-sleeve button up. You’ve seen him shirtless before, but his body, his tight muscles hiding under his shirts never fail to amaze you.

Oh! And when he has his hair down and he doesn’t have a shirt on! Now that is truly the best sight to see.

If only you could kiss him. But Satoru is here. Tsk.

The best thing you can do is run over to meet him halfway with a soft awe-struck grin. “You look great,” you compliment him without shame, not notcing he keeps a hand hidden behind his back.

Suguru smiles. “You too.” He redirects.

“You surely took forever,” you point out. “I get the girls, but you?”

Suguru drops his gaze and smiles wider before he pulls his hand out from behind him and shows off a red hibiscus flower.

“Wow,” you mouth joyfully. “Cute,” you mumble.

Suguru lifts his hand to tuck the flower over your ear. “I saw a bush of them when I went to change so I thought I’d steal one for you,” he says.

You sigh softly and whisper your gratitude without letting go of each other's gaze, you’re all each other saw. It’s why you miss the way your brother is watching your interaction. He’d usually feel weird about seeing you and Suguru gushing over each other, but right now he saw your smile and he saw Suguru’s, he notices the way you two look at each other like nothing exists around you and all he can think about is how nice it is that you can make each other happy. Yet he still doesn’t understand how you two came to be, he doesn’t understand why either. No matter how many explanations you give him he won’t understand why Suguru and you love each other.

He probably will one day, or he probably won’t. Who knows, all he knows is this for now; his mission, and this moment in time.

It’s why when Amanai and Kuroi come out of the changing room he turns off his infinity for a moment to let you jump on his back. He then runs alongside Amanai, and with you on his back towards the water. He wants to throw you in the water for the fun of it, but he doesn’t want to make you mad so he lets your feet hit the ground.

However, it’s once you take off your clothes and remain in your bikini that Satoru grabs you and throws you in the water. You resurface with a sneer, and use your technique to manipulate the water surrounding you, and splash him, but he has his infinity on now so the water doesn’t hit him whatsoever.

“Ass,” you spat and pick up your flower off the water to tuck back over your ear.

“Hey! That’s so cool!” Amanai exclaims. “What’s your cursed technique?!”

You look to her and lose your annoyance before responding. “I have an Elemental Manipulation Cursed Technique. I can bend the elementals to my will, and fire is the only one I can manipulate and make.”

Amanai’s eyes widen slightly with awe. “That’s so cool!”

You shoot her a smirk. “Thanks,” you utter before you turn to walk over to Suguru sitting on a blanket in the distance with Kuroi.

However, before you do walk away, you stop and just peer back. Amanai is distracted picking up some shell from the sand, Suguru did say that Tengen wants her to at least enjoy what she has left of life, so you’ll show her just that, a good time.

Thus before she can look you use your technique and push the water in front of Amanai forward, creating an empty space. Amanai sees the water moving and looks up. When she notices the empty space her lips twitch to a smile, she then lifts her gaze further up and sees the water standing up around it and her smile widens.

She wants to look back at you since she knows you’re the one doing it, but the way you begin to make a path in front of her steals her attention. She is hesitant to follow the path, but you turn around to fall beside her.

“It’s okay,” you assure her. “Nothings going to happen.”

Amanai peers back at you and keeps her eyes on you for a moment as she debates between trusting you or not. But she then catches sight of a school of little orange fish swimming around the path you created and doesn’t hesitate to slowly follow them. You slowly trail after her and stop until the water walls tower over the both of you.

Unlike before, now you can see everything that lives inside the water, the different colored coral, the rocks; tall and small. You can see the little creatures burrowing themselves inside the sand. You see different fishes swimming in the distance, you see it all through the clear water. Albeit nothing is better than seeing Amanai smile with awe.

You don’t know the girl, she’s just a mission that your brother and Suguru need to accomplish for the sake of your world, but if you think deeply about it, this girl is going to lose her life to become one with this being that stays trapped in some void forever. And that makes you feel bad for her, it makes you sad that she’ll basically lose her life before she can even live it, before she can even decide if merging is what she actually wants.

It’s why while you’re here, you want to make it your mission to show her some ounce of happiness.

“Tell me Amanai,” you interject softly as you watch a cute silver fish swimming past you. “What’s your favorite animal?”

Amanai’s eyes snap to you and she parts her lips to answer, but she then closes her mouth and looks at the water again.

She remains quiet for a moment before she gives you her answer. “A whale shark.”

You hum in comprehension and draw in a deep breath of the salty air, you tap further into your cursed energy and let your mind overcome with the weight and strength of the water. You feel its gentleness, and its power running through your limbs as you control it.

You proceed to exhale and slowly begin to lift your hands as you raise the water that surrounds you. You proceed to gently slide your leg back like if you’re about to start a dance, and sway your arms to the side as you move the water over your heads. You then twist your wrists as you make the water circle around you.

Amanai spins around to watch as you move the water to completely surround you both, leaving you trapped in a bubble. “This is beautiful,” she whispers.

You smile softly, and then use the water past your walls to create a whale shark. Amanai runs to the edge to watch as you make the water create the big creature. Once it’s complete you don’t pull back from having it swim ever so gently like a real whale does. And it may not be real, but it looks like it; down to the white belly and up to the spots. It’s also very heavy to keep formed while lifting and pushing the water.

But you keep it up and let Amanai reach in the water to touch it. When she touches the water-made creature with her fingertips she laughs quietly, making you smile. After she pulls her hand out of the water you begin to let the water over you fall back to the sides. The water that you had blocking your back falls and you move it to the side to recreate the path back to shore.

Amanai watches the water-made whale shark for a few more minutes before you have it disappear. After that she follows you back to shore whilst she watches as you let the water fall back to place, like small waterfalls joining its body of water below. When you do reach shore and before you can walk away she interjects in a soft voice.

“Thank you for that….I really enjoyed it. It was very beautiful.”

You peer back and flash her a smile. “You welcome.” You hold her gaze for a second longer until it hits you.

How can this happen? Her life after merging will cease to exist, she hasn’t even lived it, she doesn’t even have a choice between doing it or not. Even if she wants to do it, she only says that because it was drilled in her; that desire and responsibility, but is it really her choice?

No.

But…It’s for the greater good of the Jujutsu world. Of your world, and everyone else’s. So she has to do it. She does…

This world is so fucked.

You continue to walk towards Suguru, and as you pass your brother he pats your shoulder. “That was cool,” he says.

You smirk and nod. “I know.”

Now when you’re closer to your boyfriend you run over and lay back on the space between his legs.

“We’re supposed to be discreet,” he reminds you.

You shrug him off. “It was cool.”

“I know, but we can’t be showing off,” he remarks.

You pull your shades down and close your eyes before you answer honestly. “She needs to enjoy what remains of her life. I was just showing her a good time.”

He sighs in defeat. He knows you’re right so let’s it be, instead he tilts his head down to look at you as you bask in the stillness of the moment, as you let the sun kiss your skin. He watches your chest move up and down, and the way you rest your hands on your chest. He finds himself smiling at you and the little things you do.

“May I ask?” Kuroi interjects, catching Suguru and you off guard. “Miss Gojo. How did you get that scar across your torso?”

You nervously swallow thickly, but keep your eyes closed. Instinctively you move one of your hands to trace the long scarred gash across your torso with your fingers.

It’s not hard anymore to recall that specific moment that took place so long ago in your life, but it still is hard to put into words. It’s why only one person besides Satoru knows what happened, and that’s Suguru.

“It happened when I was young,” you answer stiffly and clench your other fist over your chest. Suguru notices the way your breath changes to deep and hard breaths, he sees the way you stiffen, the way your lips are twitching to form a frown, so he does what he can right now and reaches down to cup your hand.

At the feeling of his soft and warm touch you open your eyes and tilt your head back. You catch his gaze and he offers you an assuring smile.

It doesn’t take away the bad that comes with the memory, but it helps ease you, it helps your breath, your racing heart, and brings light to the shadows that already threatened to take over at the mere thought of that day.

“It was a…mistake,” you share. “No amount of RCT has been able to heal it…” you trail off and simply leave it at that. Even if that’s not a clear answer, just a lead to more questions. Questions Kuroi luckily doesn’t ask.

“Hey,” Suguru interjects quieter. “Did you put on sunscreen?”

You look up at him and think for a moment before you remember you didn’t because Satoru threw you in the water. “No…could you help put some on?”

Suguru smiles as he pulls out your sunscreen from your bag. “Way ahead of you.”

You grin and sit up to let him put some on his fingers before he passes it to you, so you can put some on your fingertips and apply some on your arms while he gets your back.

“I have a question,” you finally remember to ask. “If the Star Religious group worships Tengen why do they want Amanai dead? Wouldn’t they want her to assimilate?”

Suguru sighs softly before he responds. “Well their object of worship is the pure form of Tengen. So allowing the Star Plasma vessel to assimilate is unforgivable because in their mind they think the vessel is impure.”

You scoff. “Ah,” you mumble. “I get it now.” You huff. “Non-sorcerers are so weird.”

“They just have different beliefs,” Suguru tries to correct you.

You huff, “yeah I suppose.” You proceed to grab more sunscreen to move onto your other arm. “Anway, I kind of feel bad. Haibara and Nanami are at the airport while I’m here at the beach, getting a tan.” You smile softly. “I’ll buy them souvenirs. As well as Shoko.”

“That’d be nice,” Suguru agrees as he slides his hands to your shoulders to rub in sunscreen.

Your breath shudders at the feeling, and your heart skips a beat, whislt your lips form to a mischievous smile. If only you were here alone, you’d totally be all over him. For now you’ll just have to imagine kissing him and taking off his shirt he didn’t bother to button.

“What?” Suguru interjects as if he knows you’re lost in thought about him.

You shrug. “Nothing,” you say in a sweet tone. “Just you.”

“What about me?”

You put more sunscreen on your hands and lean forward to begin rubbing some on your legs, causing him to slide his hands down to your lower back.

“You just look good in your beach outfit,” you let him know.

Suguru scoffs softly and stays quiet, letting you know you just made him all flustered. Which is easy to do.

“Anway,” you continue. “Have you guys eaten?”

“Not yet,” Suguru says, making you sigh with discontent.

“What about slept?” You ask. “Has Satoru slept? Have you?”

“I slept a bit on the plane, and at night,” he says. “But I don’t think Satoru has.”

You lift your eyes to watch your brother goof off with Amanai, and sigh. There’s no way to tell if he has eyebags with those dark shades on his face, but knowing him he hasn’t slept. And he won’t until his mission is over.

That’s why it would be better if you could help after you leave here, you could keep watch while he sleeps for at least a couple hours. But no, he’s protecting you and keeping you far away from the school.

You appreciate it, but he needs to understand you aren’t a little girl anymore. He doesn’t have to protect you all the time.

“Well,” you interject sternly and move onto your other leg. “We’ll go eat after this. You can’t be strong if you don’t eat.”

Suguru laughs softly, causing you to straighten up and look at him over your shoulder. “What?” You snap.

Suguru smiles at you and shakes his head. “Just you,” he mocks you playfully.

You roll your eyes and finish applying sunscreen on your leg to then rub some on the rest of your body that’s exposed to the sun. After that’s done Suguru pulls his phone out and takes a picture of the both of you; one with his chin on your shoulder and a smile on his face, and you happily grinning at the camera.

When that’s done you lay on your stomach, and just rest your eyes some more. There is a gnawing worry in the back of your head, but Suguru and your brother are here so you don’t let the worry consume you.

“I really can’t believe I got captured by the Star Religious Group,” Kuroi interjects, piquing your attention, but not enough to make you open your eyes. “And by a non-sorcerer at that. I’m ashamed of myself.”

“You couldn’t help it if they caught you off-guard,” Suguru quickly tries to assure the lady. “Part of the blames lies with me, too.”

“Was I really caught off guard?” Kuroi questions quietly. “I thought I was on high alert after the incident with Q. I still don’t have much recollection of being attacked…And you came here by plane?” She then asks. “Were you okay? You weren’t attacked?”

“Satoru has good eyes,” Suguru says. “Before we took off, he checked over all the passengers and staff, as well as the inside and outside of the plane. And while we were in the air, I had my cursed spirit keep watch outside. It was safer than using a land route.” He then proceeds to take a paper out he had in his pocket, and comments on it.

“I’m more curious as to why they designated Okinawa for the exchange,” Suguru shares his curiosity.

You thought of that too, but haven’t come up with any convincing explanation.

“Probably to buy time, right?” Kuroi shares. “Even if they fail to kill Riko, they could keep her from making tomorrow's full moon deadline.”

“If that were the goal,” you interject with your thought. “They would have chosen a rural area with poor transit infrastructure. Instead we’re here, on an island that’s often busy.”

“You two don’t think they’re planning to take over the airport, do you?” Kuroi worries.

“Maybe so,” Suguru doesn’t lie. “But we’ll be fine,” he assures her and puts the paper down. “We’re not the only ones who came here.”

Yes, you and your other two first year companions came too! Haibara and you were excited, but Nanami, well he’s reluctant. And he has every right to be, they usually don’t assign you first years to missions like these—but it’s just like you told him, there’s no need to worry with Suguru and Satoru here with you too.

“Should we really be sightseeing like this?” Kuroi adds.

“Satoru’s the one who suggested it,” Suguru says. “He’s probably showing consideration for Riko, in his own way. Though it is getting close…” he trials off and you then hear him stand up. “Satoru! It’s time.”

Tsk.

“Oh, it's that time already?” You hear Satoru query.

You sigh with discontent and push yourself to your knees before you stand up too.

“Suguru, let’s head back tomorrow morning instead,” Satoru suggests, making you spin around to face all of them with a hidden smile.

You can’t get excited yet, not until Suguru agrees. So while he walks to your brother you follow him. However when they do reach each other you stand a bit behind to listen in.

“But,” Suguru tries to argue, but Satoru cuts in with an argument.

“The weathers holding steady, yeah? Besides, there are fewer curse users in Okinawa than there are in Tokyo.”

That’s true, but does it really matter at the end of the day? They can still come here too, it would be safer back home. Even if you do enjoy being here.

“Let’s keep it a little more serious, Satoru,” Suguru rebuttals.

“It’s better if the time limit on the bounty runs out while we’re mid-flight right?” Satoru asks, making Suguru walk closer to your brother to talk quieter so the others won’t worry, or just listen in. Luckily you can still hear from where you stand.

“Satoru,” Suguru says. “You haven't released your technique since yesterday, have you? You haven’t slept either. And you don’t plan to sleep tonight, do you?”

You look at your brother with worry and step closer.

“Are you sure we don’t need to go back to Jujutsu High?” Suguru presses.

Satoru raises his head and meets your gaze behind his shades. You can feel his stare on you for a moment before he raises his fist and gently taps Suguru’s chest.

“It’s not a problem,” Satoru assures him as he begins to walk away. “Playing through 99 years of MomoTetsu was far more draining. Besides…you’re here too.”

You smile softly at his compliment to Suguru, and let him throw his arm around you as he reaches you.

“Why don’t we get some snacks, yeah?” Satoru suggests as he turns you around to walk with you.

“We could eat,” you correct him sternly. “Proper food.”

Satoru huffs out. “I ate food on the plane, and then when we were going to the exchange location.”

You scoff and counter. “Yeah, that was hours ago. You need to eat.”

“You’re beginning to sound like Belinda.” He teases you and lets you go as you reach where your blanket is splayed on the ground.

“Yeah and I have every right to,” you argue to the stubborn man. “There’s still a day left, Satoru.”

Satoru stops walking and keeps his back turned to you. “I’ll be alright, sis. Don’t you worry about me, I’ll be fine.”

You watch him with worry, you want to keep arguing for his own sake, but just as you open your mouth, you choose to trust him and let it go.

“Could you text one of the guys though? Let them know of the change in plans,” he says as he continues to walk off towards a man in the distance hauling a white cart.

You sigh in defeat and nod. He doesn’t see it, but you do before you take your phone from your bag and text Haibara. You would text Nanami, but he didn’t want to come as it is, so his reaction scares you.

You: Plans changed. We’re extending our stay to another day.

Suguru reaches you and puts his hand on your lower back and slides it up slowly to hook his arm over your shoulders.

“Worried?” You ask him.

“About Satoru? No, but, if we’re staying here we can’t let our guard down.”

You hum softly. “Well at night, we can patrol wherever we stay at,” you suggest. “If someone were to attack it’d be then, when our guard is supposed to be down more.”

“Yeah,” Suguru agrees and nods. “That’s true. We can patrol while Satoru stays with Amanai.”

Your lips tug to a teasing smile, yet before you can answer you can text message from Haibara.

Haibara: Understood! Thanks for letting us know. Is everything all right?

You: Yes, Satoru just changed his mind so don’t worry. Is everything okay over there?

You close your phone and finally tease Suguru. “I think you just want to get me alone, Sugar.” You snicker.

Suguru laughs. “It was your plan.”

You smirk and turn your head to look at him. “Yeah, it was so I wont deny my intentions. But,” you feign a pout. “We are meant to be on patrol, so.”

“I know that. Why? What did you have in mind?” He teases you back.

You shrug innocently and leave him wondering as you open your phone to read your new message.

Haibara: Clear waters over here, haha…

You snort at the message

Haibara: Nanami is just annoyed.

You: Love that haha, tell him not to lose his head, we’ll leave early in the morning and then head to a mission after!

“I have ice cream!” Satoru cuts in loudly and excitedly.

You turn back and see his grin as he runs over. You beam and leave your spot to meet him halfway along with Amanai, who’s just as happy.

“Sis, here’s your strawberry,” he says and hands you a cone with strawberry ice cream. “Amanai, you and Kuroi have vanilla. Suguru, you’ll get chocolate, and I’ll keep the last vanilla.”

“Thank you,” Amanai says before she takes her cones and walks back to her caretaker.

“So,” you blurt excitedly and step back to face both guys. “I was thinking—”

“Were you?” Satoru cuts you off with a playful smirk. “You don’t look like much of a thinker.”

Your face falls and a glower replaces the joy.

“Satoru,” Suguru warns him quietly.

Without asking you hand Suguru your phone and ice cream cone. Satoru does the same and begins to step back as he begins to snicker.

“Take it back,” you sneer at him and step forward. You then swing at him but he slides back, triggering you and causing you to lunge at him.

Satoru swerves you though, and begins to run away, making you run after him back towards the water, not catching Amanai’s concern.

“Are they okay?”

Suguru sighs and begins to slowly follow after the both of you. “Yes, it’s normal for them.”

When you make it into the water you manage to push your brother back, making him chuckle as he tries to capture your wrists.

You step back and since he seems to have his infinity off for this moment, you use your technique to grow a tall wave behind him. You then pretend to try and punch him so he gets distracted. And when he swerves you, you hurl the wave at his back, causing him to fall in the water face down.

You laugh at him evilly, and hear Amanai laugh along too from shore. Albeit just then unexpectedly hands wrap around your ankles and you get yanked down in the water, making you yelp out.

Satoru resurfaces and redirects his laugh back at you when you go quiet and look at him annoyed. However, that look only lasts for a few seconds because you can’t hold back and begin to laugh too.

The rest of the day is spent just like that moment, lighthearted and fun. Even if there was this shadow casted over everyone that didn’t bring anyone down, especially not Riko.

You went Kayaking to a river nearby, per your suggestion, since it is something you’d do with Satoru and your own caretaker when you were children. And Riko loved it, she especially loved watching the flying fish that you made out of water using your technique, and made to follow your boats. After that Kurio suggested an arcade and Amanai and you beat Satoru and Suguru multiple times. You followed by going on a walk where Amanai enjoyed the soft salty air, the colorful flower gardens, and that sense of freedom without having to worry about her responsibility.

You’ve known her for such a small amount of time but you were happy for her, you were happy to see her smile and not worry at that moment.

Now it might not be your day, you were here with everyone for a mission after all, but you can’t hide what you feel. You can’t push back your joy that you found in that moment too; with your brother, with your boyfriend, with the strangers that quickly became friends. Where you are.

“So,” you interject as you push your plate away and pull out the schedule. “We have room for something else before it’s someone’s bedtime…” you trail off and look at Riko across the table to point your eyes at her. She notices your implication and her jaw drops.

“I don’t have a bedtime,” she retorts, making Satoru and you snicker.

“Anyway,” you brush her off and let the paper go to rub the back of your neck as you feel this odd sensation you can’t put into words. All you know is that you feel it and it doesn’t last. It goes away just as fast as it came.

Thus you don’t pay mind to the feeling, instead you proceed to lean towards Suguru and lazily lay your head on his shoulder. “You should pick where you want to go next.” You lift your hand and gently begin to caress the back of Suguru’s neck.

“Well,” Riko mumbles before she averts her gaze and thinks hard.

After all your day activities, finally you were able to come and sit down to eat. It was such a relief after all the walking and sightseeing you did. Plus, seeing Satoru eat makes you feel reassured too, he’s been working hard and keeping up his cursed technique which takes a lot more from him than Suguru’s does.

“Can we go to the Aquarium?” Riko finally suggests, making your smile falter.

Yes Aquariums are impressive things, but Aquariums are something you hate. Its just, seeing all those innocent creatures stuck inside four walls for the rest of their lives is inhumane. Sure, when you pass by a small tank with fish you stop to admire them, but Aquariums? You hate them.

Yet you don’t say anything outloud or protest, you simply smile and nod to assure her. “Of course. That sounds like fun.” You pull your head off Suguru’s shoulder, and feel it again, that weird feeling on the back of your neck. This time though you don’t shrug it off, you feel the need to peer back, and that’s when you see a middle aged man at the other side of the patio sitting alone and with a newspaper in hand.

You manage to catch his green eyes already on you, but as soon as you do look at him he looks down at his newspaper.

Weird. Could he be after Riko?

Doubtful, he would’ve done something by now. He’s sitting calmly, and he wasn’t looking at her. He was looking at you. Plus as you focus on him you can tell that his cursed energy is low, he’s probably a mere non-sorcerer, so he shouldn’t be a problem, he’s probably just a curious man.

However, you get a…icky feeling in your gut at the mere sight of him. And it is the non-sorcerer cult that are after Riko, so maybe you should tell Satoru, have him use his six eyes to examine him from where you are.

Thus you look ahead again and lean over towards your brother, but when you do, from the corner of your eyes you catch that same mystery man getting off his chair and walking away. You try to watch him leave the restaurant, but a server walking out of the kitchen gets in your way.

Hm, perhaps it’s just your paranoia. You’re just finding enemies in strangers out of worry. So you let it go and instead watch the server walk to your table with a plate of larb. When he reaches your table he directs his smile at Satoru.

“Larb, on the house,” he shares and sets the plate down before he walks away with no other kind of information.

“Free food, how come?” Riko asks with disbelief.

You peer back and catch the young lady that had been your actual server, giggling with the cashier, letting you know what this was about.

“I think,” you interject teasingly as you look ahead and reach for the plate. “Those girls back there Larb you, Satoru.” You snicker and watch him with a grin.

Kurio giggles at your joke, but she's the only one. Riko looks at you annoyed, and Satoru looks back at the girls first before he looks at you with a disapproving frown that only makes you burst out laughing.

You feel Suguru’s stare so you face him and laugh harder. You’d explain the joke, but it wouldn't be funny that way so you leave it be and pick up your silverware to take in a small amount.

“You’re a dork,” Suguru tells you.

You shoot him a sweet smile as you chew your food. He shakes his head and playfully turns your head away with his hand. You snicker and when you swallow you grab more food and push the silverware towards him. “Want some?” You ask. “It’s very good.”

Suguru doesn’t say anything, he just leans forward and takes a bite. You giggle with glee and miss Satoru’s disgust upon seeing your interaction.

“What’s wrong with your face?” You hear Riko ask, making you look over with curiosity and put the silverware down.

“Nothing,” Satoru deadpans. “I’m. Fine.”

You look at your brother and notice his glare behind his shades, letting you know exactly what was wrong with him. He’s annoyed by your affection with Suguru. Like always.

You don’t let that bother you though. Instead, you scoop up more food and make sure he’s watching as you feed Suguru more.

Before you could even think of grabbing more Satoru takes the plate from in front of you and begins to eat it himself, making Suguru and you laugh softly to yourselves.

Sure Suguru and you have your boundaries when you’re with your brother, but there’s times where it’s fun to mess with him, he’s so quick to annoy.

“Are you okay?” You tease Satoru as you slowly pull your phone out.

Satoru slowly turns his head and looks at you with a feigned nonchalant expression you see right through—“fine,” he deadpans.

You open your phone and quickly snap a picture of him and you with his face all scrunched in annoyance.

“Erase that!” He exclaims and tries to take your phone, but you lean away and quickly press send.

“Ah yeah no,” you laugh. “I'm saving it, plus I already sent it to Shoko.” You shut your phone and beam at him.

Satoru glares at you and grumbles back, “you annoy me.”

You laugh at him and happily leave it at that.

——

*LATER*

Since you don’t like aquariums, there’s nothing you can say about your trip there. Riko enjoyed it and that’s all that matters about that.

What happened outside of that though is not something you can comment on a lot either. Since the day had been filled with so much to do, after dinner everyone was calmer and more worn out. Conversations once filled with laughter grew quieter and shorter. That’s especially the case after you left the aquarium.

Everyone was tired, ready to have the day end, but only Riko and Kurio could rest in the hotel room you rented. Satoru, Suguru and you fought your sleep and exhaustion to keep working. You were more fortunate to have joined in late so your exhaustion wasn’t as heavy’s as your brothers or Suguru’s.

Which is why you argued with Satoru especially.

“Look, I can stay here and watch over her, you should rest at least for a few hours. She needs you to be strong.”

Satoru sighs and carefully tucks his hands in his pockets. “I'm feeling fine,” he dares to rebuttal with his eyebags under his eyes. “Go out, patrol with Suguru. I will stay here. You have any trouble or find anything suspious call me.”

You step towards him and narrow your gaze on him so he can know you’re not playing around. “Satoru, listen to me. You haven’t slept, just sleep for three hours at most. Please,” you beg softly.

Rather than taking your advice, your brother offers you a charming smile. It’s one you know well and see often when he’s trying to assure you. “What have I told you?” He says. “I’m the older brother, you don’t need to worry about me. I worry about you.”

“Then keep me here,” you snap back, hoping he’ll listen so you can help him here. Maybe force him to sleep.

However, Satoru grabs your shoulder and turns you towards the hall door. “I trust you,” he says and takes Suguru’s shoulder too when he reaches him by the door. “And I trust Suguru to keep you safe,” he adds and lets Suguru go to open the room door and push you both out. “Now go, do your jobs. I’m sure you’re both dying to have some alone time.”

You part your lips to argue but your brother just shuts the door on you instead.

“Fucker,” you grumble and just shift around to just give up and walk down the hall to go to the stairs. “I swear I’m just going to…” you trial off and sigh in defeat. “He never listens to me.”

“Yeah,” Suguru agrees softly. “He’s stubborn, but you don’t need to worry about him. He’ll be fine.”

You rub your eyes and groan.

“He’ll be fine,” Suguru insists. “He’s strong.”

You nod and drop your hand to your side. “Yeah,” you sigh. “He’s strong, I know. He’s powerful, I know that too. But that doesn’t mean I should stop worrying about him. Strip that all away and he’s still my brother...” You trial off and exhale deeply. “I just…I know he doesn’t need me looking out for him, but…” you pause and sniffle as tears form in your eyes. “…if something happens to him I don’t know what I would do.”

If he were to be gone from your life you know from the depths of your heart that it would be like everything good of this world would cease to exist at that exact moment. That’s why you worry.

“Nothing is going to happen to him, I won’t let it,” Suguru says in a soft tone he uses when it's just the two of you. When you’re wrapped in his arms after a long day for the both of you. It’s the most assuring thing in the world. Nothing else beats it, nothing else has the power to actually calm you down the way he does.

Whereas Satoru is the good of this world, Suguru is the world itself, without either of them there’d be nothing. An empty, meaningless and cold void.

“I’m sorry,” you cut in unexpectedly. “I must sound childish.”

Suguru stops walking just as you reach the top of the stairs, making you stop and face him with slight confusion.

“No,” he says. “It’s not childish at all. You’re just a sister worried about her brother. It’s normal, no matter how old you are.” He offers you a kind smile that eases your worried heart. “I even admire it. So no, it’s not childish.”

You sigh with relief and let him cup your cheeks to lean in and steal a gentle kiss from your lips. You deepen the sweet gesture, but don’t rush it, you’re slow and gentle. You let yourself taste the minty taste of his mouth, you drown in the smell of his soft smelling cologne that clung onto him.

You take in this moment, like all the other times you’ve kissed as if afraid one of them would be your last. You linger in the moment without pulling back to breathe. But you don’t last in it or develop it any further because you know where that would lead to, so you pull back and just stay close to the point his breaths unfurl over the tip of your nose.

“I've been waiting to do that all day,” he whispers against your lips.

You flash him a soft grin and press one last kiss on his lips before you meet his gaze with pity. “I hate to do this,” you whisper. “I really do, but we should get back to work.”

Suguru laughs softly. “What? Are you sure that’s my girlfriend there?”

You playfully roll your eyes and turn swiftly to walk down the flight of stairs. “Oh, I want to, I really do,” you say over your shouder. “But you’ve been on my mind all day, so I have to stop myself before it leads to something else.”

Suguru snickers as he tows after you down the stairs. Once you reach the first floor you walk out of the closest door to get outside and begin your patrol.

“Anyway,” you change the subject. “I actually do want to give you something.”

Suguru falls beside you and presses curiously. “Do you?”

You smile wider and then dig in your sweater pocket to take out a wooden beaded bracelet that all connects with a single red thread.

“This is for you,” you tell him and stop walking when you’re past the hotel building and under the glimmering stars that are somewhat visible here. You proceed to grab his hand and bring it towards you.

“You gave me my red string bracelet,” you say and show it off as it sits on your wrist. “So now I will give you your own.”

Suguru’s lips pull to a sweet smile, and he stays quiet as he watches you instead of watching you put the bracelet on his wrist.

It’s only once you've secured the bracelet on his wrist that you notice his dark eyes on you; soft and glimmering with awe. You don’t ask him what’s wrong, you know that look, you see it all the time when he’s with you. Sometimes you wonder why he even looks at you like that, you wonder what you did to deserve being looked at the way he looks at you.

Yet even through your wonder you know you never want that look to disappear from his pretty face. You want to feel safe, loved and appreciated all the time. You never want another pair of eyes to look at you the same way he does. You just want him until there’s nothing making your heart beat, until you’re breathing your last breath.

And he should know that. He should know what you feel, he should know you ache for him in the best way possible. He should know that your heart always skips a beat when you see him, that when he looks at you the way he’s doing now all you feel is joy, hope and desire. He should know now as you stand under the starry sky, as you smell the salty air of the ocean, as you hear the distant waves crashing on the shore, as you feel each other's warmth since you stand so close. You may be on an important life threatening mission, but you need him to know.

It’s just three words.

“Suguru…”

A/N- Yall not ready for what’s to come 🥹

150 notes · View notes

damn-stark · 11 months

Text

Chapter 9 Heart of ice

Chapter 9 of Moonlight

A/N- 😙

Warning- Swearing, angst, fluff, talks of blood, death, SPOILERS, LONG CHAPTER.

Pairing- Aemond Targaryen x Velaryon!fem-reader, Cregan Stark x Velaryon!fem-reader

Episode- After 1x09, events based off of Fire and Blood

(If you want to be tagged let me know)

————

*A FEW MONTHS AGO*

“Dragon fruit for the dragon Princess?”

“Pearl necklace for the Siren of Driftmark?”

“Oranges? They’re good for a growing babe.”

You touch your 6 month old swollen belly and come to another stop in front of the stand to study the big round oranges stacked so neatly on the crates.

“How much?” You ask the vendor.

The man puts his hands on his hips and studies his fruit for a moment before facing you. “Discount for you princess. 5 Silver dragons.”

You glance at Aemond, and he hesitates before handing your pouch of money. He doesn’t find this trip necessary, he says that whatever you want can be brought right away. But, you just batted your eyelashes and told him that you needed to take a stroll because of your pregnancy, that the baby needed it, so he accepted without a fight after that.

“I’ll give you 10 golden dragons instead of silver,” you tell the vendor as you get out the golden coins that make the man’s eyes almost pop out of eyes. “Find good use for it.”

The man takes the money, but holds your hand and bows his head. “Thank you, Princess. Thank you, may the gods bless you and yours.”

You offer him a kind smile, and he lets your hand go so you can reach for a box of oranges. However, he then blocks the oranges with his hands. “No, these are no good. I have perfect ones. Juicy and sweet.” He crouches and pulls out a box from under the table and hands it to you.

Albeit before you can even reach Ser Criston takes the box for you.

“Have a nice day, sir,” you direct at the man before you continue down the busy street lively with people.

“<He ripped you off you know,>” Aemond grumbles in High Valyrian so the people around wouldn’t understand him.

You scoff softly as you hook your arm around his. “I know, but I won’t go poor by giving him something extra. Bless them and the gods bless you. Lady Stark would say that.” You sigh and rest your head on his shoulder. “Besides I actually got a craving. Or the babe did.” You grin and touch your belly again, feeling a small movement now. “Feel,” you beckon him and snatch his hand from his side to press it against your small belly. “He’s moving.”

Aemond comes to a stop to caress your belly very gently. You grin at him in awe and slide his hand to the other side. “See? He wants oranges.”

A smile breaks on Aemond’s face before he takes your hand again and continues to walk with you down the street. “You don’t know that it’s a boy,” he points out.

You giggle. “I do. It’s an instinct. When I imagine the babe I see a boy. Always. We’ll have a boy. I’ll even bet you.”

Aemond scoffs and smirks. “You can place your bets with Aegon. He never turns down the chance to gamble. I believe you.”

“Good,” you grin. “Now I wonder how many kids we'll have. Six? I want a big family. But if I can’t have so many I’ll be content with two, but we need to have a baby girl.”

“So you can name her Daenys?” Aemond finishes for you, making you look at him with awe.

“You remember?” You probe.

A small smirk spreads on his lips and he nods. “I do. You’d only bore me with stories about her.”

You roll your eyes. “I wouldn’t bore you. You’d bring me the books!”

“Because it was your favorite,” he counters softly.

You laugh softly and nod. “Still is. Maybe our Daenys will be an amazing dreamer just like the great legend that saved our house.”

“Yeah,” he agrees. “Maybe.”

You let out a content sigh.

“Spare some food? Money?” A child with his face covered in dirt asks. “Something small?”

“<He just wants to steal from you, they always have money.>” Aemond points out.

Even if he did, you don’t care, you stop and turn to pick out an orange off the box.

The kids' eyes grow curious, and they follow your hand as you move it towards him. You pretend you’re going to give him a single orange, but you then hand it to Aemond and instead grab the box off of Ser Criston’s hold.

“Take it,” you tell the kid. “It’s for you.” You put the box down in front of him and shoot him a smile before you move on.

This time Aemond doesn’t make a remark about your actions, you wouldn't care either way, so he just lets it pass and takes your hand in his again. However, before you can pass the last courtyard before reaching the castle walls, a woman with a bright red dress walks out of her house and announces something that steals your immediate attention.

“Wish to know your future, my Princess?”

“Princess,” Ser Criston interjects now. “She’s only trying to take your money. It’s a scam. Leave it.”

You flick your wrist down and take the money pouch from Aemond’s side.

“Your worry is misplaced, Ser,” the pretty lady with bright and beautiful remarkable colored eyes says. “But I understand. Patience is a fickle thing is it not, Ser Criston Cole? If only you had known it, you would be happy now.” Her eyes dart to you and then go back to him quickly as if trying to point something out.

You don’t read into it, or demand explanation, you let her continue as she looks between all three of you. “I am a humble servant of the Lord of Light,” she rebuttals, “I only mean to give the Princess insight for her eyes are covered and her soul is basked by darkness.”

You smile at her eagerly and let Aemond go to step towards her. “What is your name?” You ask first.

The woman's bright eyes meet yours and her lips tug upward just slightly. “I am Kinvara, Priestess of the Lord of Light.”

“<Y/N, let’s go,> Aemond warns.

“<I am no one to fear, fear resides in the whispers that are heard in the shadows, and from the pretenders…” she pauses and narrows her eyes on him. “You see clearly with her at your side, venture too far and you're left blind. Don’t let the shadows consume you, My Prince, or darkness is all you’ll know.>”

You glance at him and grin brightly before facing her again. “Now can you tell me what I seek?” You press impatiently.

Kinvara turns and walks inside, but you first face Aemond. “Wait for me out here,” you tell him.

Aemond holds your gaze and narrows his gaze. “I won’t get you to leave,” he mutters with discontent. “Just be careful. Don’t give her all your money.”

You shoot him a small smile and then lean in to kiss him before you follow after the Red Priestess, finding a single fire lit on a golden bowl in the middle of the elegant parlor room.

“How much will it cost?” You ask her as you slowly wander to the stand holding the bowl.

“Nothing but your attention,” she shares in such a soothing voice. “And a drop of your blood.”

You stop before the bowl and don’t question offering her your hand. Kinvara picks out a single thin needle and gently cups your hand to poke the sharp end on the pad of your thumb. When a scarlett drop of blood crawls out of the small wound she pulls your hand over the flames and turns it to let the single drop of blood fall in the flames. She then lets your hand go and throws the needle in the flames to let the fire eat away at it.

“You have fire made flesh, a gift from the Lord of Light,” she begins to say.

You clasp your hands over your belly and watch her eyes read the dancing flames with curiosity.

“You have salt littered blood. The dragon of your house sigil has three heads, but your dragon only has one. Your dragon burns fiercely and passionately. Your dragon flies high within the clouds in search of something.” She lets the words slip out, and then meets your gaze across the flames.

You should be intimidated, but you’re not, you’re just eager to know more.

“Three hearts,” Kinvara adds. “One made of ice, two of fire. Four flesh made eggs…”

Four eggs, huh?

“…and loyalty. That is easy to find when you look at the surface of clear waters.”

You shoot her a grin and pick at one thing that caught your attention. “Four eggs? Does it mean I’ll have four kids?”

Kinvara smiles sweetly. “Smart girl. They’ll grow, they’ll know happiness and long lives, hm.” She blinks and her smiles fades to a smirk. “But sins will burden them, cast over them like shadows.”

Right away your smile fades and for the first time since you saw her fear begins to crawl across your mind. “What…does that mean?” You ask quietly.

The red priestess lifts her chin and sighs. “You’ll know.”

How insightful.

“One more thing,” she interjects and moves away from her spot to reach you and grab your hands “Fire kills the girl and awakens the dragon. Follow the flames for they are sweet to you since the moment your seat was taken.”

You let out a deep breath and nod stiffly. You don’t understand completely, or at all actually, but you nod in comprehension before you return to Aemond.

“What did she say?” Aemond asks without waiting to reach the safety of the castle.

So much you didn’t understand.

“We’ll have four kids,” you share the only thing that was clear.

Aemond hums and leaves it at that. Just as you do.

——

*NOW. WINTERFELL*

Was it the flight here, or just your nerves over seeing someone, making your stomach all twisted?

You look at the tall grey stone walls, your eyes climb them to the top expecting to catch a pair of grey eyes, but there’s no one at the top this time. Not like when you first got here.

Good. It gives you time to mentally prepare yourself.

“Gods, I think I’m going to be sick,” you mutter and turn around to give your back to the gates that are getting opened. “Jacaerys cover me. I need to fix my top, it’s too hiked up.”

“They’re coming—”

“Cover me!” You exclaim.

Jacaerys groans and you feel his cloak cover the light bitter breeze that blew.

“I thought there’d be snow,” he adds. “I don’t see it.”

You roll your eyes and pull your top down after having it rise because of your long flight seated on your saddle. “It’s autumn,” you remind him. “They get dry autumns here too. It’s not always covered in snow. But who knows maybe you’ll see snow tomorrow.” You part open the shirt just a bit at the top to show more of your cleavage….it’s warmish and…you are seeing your old lover.

He can look.

“Princess,” a familiar voice calls out.

It’s not Cregan, his voice is a bit deeper, more…well, elegant in way, but not like Aemond’s. Let’s just say that his voice is one you’d know right away. So this is not him.

You turn and push Jacaerys arm down to come face to face with Ser Rolf and a few castle guards. But not Cregan.

“My prince,” Ser Rolf greets your brother by your side.

“Ser Rolf,” you greet with a a faint smile that doesn’t take long to widen to a happy grin whilst you break away and meet him halfway for an embrace. “It’s been too long,” you tell him as you pat his back before you pull away. “I’m happy to see you.”

Ser Rolf mirrors your smile. “And you. A congratulations are in order, I hear. A son. How is he?”

You smile softly and already miss Aerion. “Healthy and growing. How’s your baby girl?”

Ser Rolf nods softly. “Sweet and healthy. I’ll bring her later so you can meet her.”

You clap lightly. “I can’t wait.” You look back at Jacaerys and wave him over. “This is my brother, Prince Jacaerys Velaryon. Brother, this is an old friend, Ser Rolf. He's good friends with Lord Stark.”

Jacaerys gives a stiff nod before glancing around. “Where is Lord Stark? We’ve come to request an audience.” He deadpans.

You swallow thickly and step back to fall by his side again.

“Inside waiting for the both of you already,” Ser Rolf shares, causing your heart to begin racing. “You might want to forgive Lord Stark, you see with whispers of war the Lord's safety is prioritized. But I will take you to him now, follow me.”

Good this way you can build up your confidence between here and the throne room. You’ll hide how nervous you are by seeing him again, by the fear that you’ll lose all feeling for your husband and fall for Cregan’s charm once again. Or that he’ll hate you for being distant.

Or worse he’ll say he’s with someone else now….

Which isn’t a bad thing, at least hearing that tragic news can let you forget all about each other, but still…you can’t help but feel a flicker of jealousy.

“What’s wrong with you?” Jacaerys voice cuts through your racing mind.

You don’t even realize how deep you are in the grounds, or how close you are now to reaching the throne room and…seeing him.

“Just worried,” you avoid the truth. “About Aerion.”

Jacaerys keeps his eyes on you and narrows his gaze, but you just exhale and look at the upcoming hall door.

“He’s safe at Dragonstone,” Jacaerys assures you. “Mother will never let anyone take him. No one will.”

You bite the inside of your cheek and nod unsurely. “You’re right.”

“Besides this is our last stop and then we return home,” he adds softly as you come to a brief stop as guards slowly open the hall doors. “Just hold on for a while longer.”

Aerion’s well-being worried you, but as of now Cregan managed to squeeze himself to your first priority.

“Prince Jacaerys of House Velaryon!” A booming voice gets carried out of the softly lit hall. “And Princess Y/N of House Velaryon, wife of Prince Aemond Targaryen.”

Why do they always need to announce that you're his wife, everyone knows, and he doesn’t own you.

Regardless, with each step you take deeper in the hall, the faster your heart races, the more you feel like throwing up, and the more you feel the need to run out.

As you turn a corner and know he’s fully visible on his great throne just down the hall, you avert your gaze and fist your hands. You feel his gaze though, you feel a warmth on your face. You hear him shifting in his seat, you hear his breath hitch.

When Jacaerys comes to a stop, you don’t fall back, you stand by his side with your eyes still averted.

“My prince,” there it is, that’s his voice….gods it brings you goosebumps. “My Princess…” he hesitates for a moment, a single second longer, but it’s enough for you to finally break your gaze away from the ground and slowly lift your gaze to meet his…familiar grey eyes.

And gods it’s like a breath of fresh air, like…seeing color again…

His hair is longer now, half of it is tied back; he couldn’t do that when you were here. His face hasn’t changed though, there’s no new wrinkles, it’s the same stern one you knew, the same one you dream about. His shoulders however, his arms are bigger, it seems like his muscles want to burst out of his shirt….

Married. Aemond. You’re still married.

“Welcome to Winterfell, I hope your flight here wasn’t so cold,” Cregan says and holds your gaze the entire time.

“No,” you assure him, causing the corner of his lips to twitch to a smile. “The winds were gracious on our way North, thank you Lord Stark.”

“Good.”

You can’t help your smile no matter how hard you try to fight it.

“I hope you forgive our sudden presence,” Jacaerys manages to cut in, pulling your eyes to him and noticing he was studying you with a pointed look, so you lose your smile and avert your gaze—“And our bluntness, Lord Stark, but we come here to deliver you a message from the Queen.”

Cregan lifts his chin and glances at his maester before facing both Jacaerys and you. “Not so long ago I received an envoy from a man who claims himself to be King.”

“He’s no King,” Jacaerys spats. “He’s a usurper. We come bearing news from your rightful ruler.”

You share a confident glance with your brother and then watch the maester take the scroll from his hand to deliver it to Cregan.

When the Lord takes it and reads the neatly written words he sighs and doesn’t take long to lower the paper and face you again.

“We can't offer you anything in return for your swords, and lives, Lord Stark,” you interject with your nose in the air to present yourself as collected even if your mind is still running like crazy. You want to just maybe let your brother talk, but you know that your fight and duty is more important than your feelings right now.

“Nor have we come to beg. But we hope that the North and you are everything that your ancestors have lived up to, that your father has lived up to. Loyal.”

Cregan slightly tilts his head and narrows his gaze just slightly as he grows intrigued by the way you speak.

“Your father bent the knee in front of my mother, he swore that House Stark and the North will follow the line of succession, and in the years my grandsire, the late King, was alive he never changed his heir. The rightful ruler is my mother, Queen Rhaenyra Targaryen, and your Queen's throne was stolen. Stand for your Queen, Lord Stark. Or break tradition and stand against the crown.”

Cregan lets out a deep breath and taps the scroll agaisnt the arm rest. “Your words move me Princess. And truly, what Lord would I be if I break my oaths? The Queen will not see the North break faith…”

You share a relieved look with Jacaerys, but it doesn’t last since there’s still more to come from Cregan. You know it.

“But…this war feels almost like family affairs, why should we support this war?” He asks, making you scoff. “Winter is coming, my priorities should be on my people. Besides, you have dragons, why not use those? Why risk our lives for this war?”

You part your lips to argue, but Jacaerys interjects this time.

“The Queen doesn’t want to rule over lands of ash and bone. But if you don’t support this war, the Greens will retaliate and leave nothing but ash of the North. They threaten your Queen’s life, they steal from her, will you stand and see your home burnt? Will you sit and do nothing as an injustice is acted against your Queen? Or will you and your people fight for what’s right? Fight for your lands and your lives?”

Cregan’s gaze drifts to his maester and other people listening to this conversation. He sighs and leaves the room quiet, making Jacaerys and you share a quick worried look before facing Cregan.

“You’ve left me a lot to think about,” Cregan breaks his short contemplating silence. “I hope you know fighting in war is not something to accept lightly, please rest, bathe, eat. Your journey must’ve been a long one.”

You scoff and counter. “For how long? We won’t leave until we get an answer.”

Cregan’s chest rises. “Soon. Please let us show you where you can lay your heads. I will give you my answer, I swear you that.”

Jacaerys sighs, but you catch him nod in agreement with a relaxed expression. “Thank you Lord Stark. We will wait diligently.” He bows his head and shifts his stance to face you with a scolding look.

You sigh deeply and drag your eyes to meet Cregan’s. “Thank you.” You deadpan. You blink and look away in annoyance.

The plan was for him to accept, and then leave so you wouldn't have to stay here longer than you should, but no….no?! Gods.

You attempt to follow a maester to your temporary chambers, but just as you walk a few paces, the door that leads deeper in the castle perimeters opens and a servant walks out with a small toddler. It’s not hard to guess who he is, you last saw baby Rickon when he was only a few days old, but you’ll never forget him or his grey eyes that match Cregan’s.

“Gods,” you gasp softly and quickly push past Jacaerys to meet the servant halfway. “It can’t be, baby Rickon.” You smile and look back at Cregan stepping down from the small platform that holds his chair, before facing the child with dark hair.

“Hello,” you coo at the toddler. “Little Lord….” You trail off and look back at Cregan. “May I hold him?”

Cregan tries hard not to smile as he nods in agreement.

“Hello,” you tell the toddler again as you face him and carefully take him from the servants hold. “Oh you’re so big,” you laugh softly. “What pretty eyes you have…” you steal a glance back at Cregan.

“Y/N,” Jacaerys calls out impatiently.

You ignore your brother and begin to walk after the maester walking you to your chambers. “You may not remember me, but we know each other.”

“H-hello,” the little boy says, making you gush and beam.

“Hi,” you repeat. “Oh you look like your mother. Expect for your eyes,” you say and brush his bangs back. “You have your fathers eyes. Grey like a brewing storm.”

“Hello,” Rickon repeats as he now takes your pendant in his hands.

“Oh, my grandmother gave me that when I left to come here six years ago.” You let him know even if he probably doesn’t understand what you mean. “One side has a three headed dragon, and the other…” you trial off and turn the pendant. “Is a seahorse. My houses.”

“I’ve heard you have a baby of your own,” Cregan interjects as if he doesn’t know already. You wrote about it. “Congratulations, princess.”

You swallow thickly and smile back at him as he follows your brother and you to your chambers. “Yes,” you respond without expressing too much emotion. “A son, Aerion. He’s four months old. He also likes my pendant,” you direct at Rickon. “He puts it in his mouth, just like everything else he can grab.”

“Why did he not come with you?” Cregan asks.

“He stayed at Dragonstone. With things as tense as they are I didn’t want to stress him out, or risk his life. Maybe…once this is over I’ll bring him to meet the North, and see the snow. I’m sure he’ll love it.”

“Have you taken him on your dragon?”

You nod and can’t help your soft smile at the memory. “Yes, we have. He loved it, he wanted to reach out for the clouds…he wanted to watch everything. He never cried. But it’s as I tell Aemond, he was meant to fly the skies.” You grin and watch Rickon play with your pendant.

“I’m surprised,” Jacaerys scoffs. “Aemond pays so much attention to Aerion. He doesn’t seem like the father type.”

You roll your eyes. “Don’t be mean, Jace. And don’t speak on matters you don’t know, Aemond loves Aerion,” you defend your husband. “He’s a very attentive father, so leave it be please.”

Jacaerys lets out a deep annoyed breath and as to not dwell on the matters, you peer back at Cregan. “You should be thankful, Rickon is the very image of his mother.” You shoot him a smile and let your gaze linger, finding it hard to look away.

“To that I am grateful to every day,” Cregan says as he holds your gaze. “It’s a pleasure seeing you again, Princess. We didn’t expect to see you so soon.”

You sigh and glance at your other side, catching Jacaerys watchful eye, so you go serious and hand Rickon back to the servant girl. “Thank you,” you say back. “Lord Stark. It’s a delight being back…I actually missed the North.” You leave it at that and feel thankful that you come to a stop in front of the door to your old quarters.

“You can stay here, Princess,” the maester points out. “Some ladies will come and draw you a bath shortly.” He bows his head and they leave you there to take Jacaerys to the chambers next door. Which is good!

He’s close so won’t give into temptations, and you won’t sneak around. Then again…Cregan is right here.

“I hope to see you at dinner, Princess,” he mutters a bit softer, but not soft enough so as to keep appearances. “It will be in the honor of you and your brother.”

You clasp your hands together and nod softly as you hold his mesmerizing grey eyes. “I’ll be there.”

Cregan offers you a comprehensive nod as he stays close. “I’ll see you then.” He says.

“I’ll see you then,” you repeat softly. “Lord Stark.” You glance down the hall and notice that Jacaerys gaze is focused on the maester talking away, so you quickly meet Cregan’s gaze and tease him with curtsy.

A small smirk breaks out on his face, and he rolls his eyes before he walks away, leaving you giggling to yourself as you disappear inside your old quarters.

It feels like being back home. Funnily enough.

——

*LATER*

There’s so much to pray for, so much to ask for that it feels unfair to actually speak it to the gods. But how can you not ask for your family's well-being? For this war to come to a swift end?

Maybe Ser Jason is right, maybe you can leave. Take Aerion and fly away on Astraea. If Aemond wants to come then he can, but if he wants to fight this foolish war for his brother then he can stay. No matter how much you love him you’d leave without him…

But, on the other hand your mother and your brothers need you, and what kind of person just leaves their family in their time of need?

Wouldn’t it be nice though?

“Still daydreaming?”

Cregan.

You look over your shoulder and see him walking deeper into the Godswood with a charming smile on his face.

“Cregan,” you greet happily now that there isn’t anyone around.

Without an ounce of hesitation you break away from your spot in front of the Weirwood tree, while Cregan picks up his pace to meet you halfway with a mighty embrace.

It’s been so long, no matter what distance you need, you can’t help your happiness and your relief upon being wrapped by his arms again.

“My darling love,” he murmurs as he lifts you a few inches off the ground. “Oh it’s been an eternity it seems.”

You grin and clutch harder onto him. “I thought I’d never see you again,” you say softly.

Cregan sighs and slides one hand to the back of your head to press you closer to him. “How I’ve missed the sound of your voice,” he admits, making your face begin to grow warm and your heart to beat harder.

He shouldn’t be saying these things…

As soon as he puts you back on the ground you pull back to meet his gaze. However, it’s while you do pull back that he cups your cheeks and leans in as if nothing.

You’d let him just to remember his taste, but you can’t do this to Aemond. So you step back and shake your head.

“We can’t do that anymore,” you tell him with disdain to your own protests.

Cregan’s smile fades, he licks his lips and steps back as he nods stiffly. “Right…you’re married now.”

“Yes,” you whisper, “it is good seeing you again though. I have truly missed the North, the snow and…you.”

The corner of his lips pull upward just slightly. “I’ve missed you,” he redirects before he proceeds to glance back at the Weirwood tree. “Forgive me for interrupting.”

You shake your head. “It’s quite fine, I was done already. I was just…daydreaming.” You laugh softly.

Cregan scoffs softly. “I was right then…so what is it you were dreaming about?”

You let out a deep breath and shift around. “How nice it would feel to escape this war.” You look up at the sky and sigh. “To avoid facing my husband who fights against me. To avoid all of it.”

A few footsteps are taken towards you, but you don’t see Cregan by your side. You just hear his voice, “I could offer you and your son refuge here.”

You drop your head and shake your head. “I can’t just leave my mother. Or sit back while everyone fights. I would never forgive myself if someone from my family died while I was sitting here.” You pull the peach-orange pearl from your pocket and begin to fiddle with it. “But thank you. I’ll keep it in mind.” You face him and smile softly. “How have you been?”

“Better now that I can see you again,” he coos and takes a step closer to you. “You look incredibly beautiful by the way. I love that cloak.”

You giggle and pick up the red cloak hanging over your back. “It’s quite impressive isn't it? Now I’m like you. Lord Stark.”

Cregan rolls his eyes lightheartedly. “Stop it.”

Silence then follows and his eyes soften before he changes the subject. “Tell me now that we don’t have an audience. How is your son?”

Your grin brightens and you can’t help but swoon. “Oh he’s so perfect. He smiles now and he tries to laugh but he can’t quite yet so it’s like he’s gasping for air,” you giggle. “And he’s sweet, timid, but very sweet. The gods have truly blessed me. I’m happy being a mother.”

“Good, I’m happy for you,” he mutters with a very faint smile. “I only ask because you have failed to write as much as you would.”

Oh…he’s noticed. Seven hells.

Your smile fades and the glimmer in your eyes begins to go out. “Yes,” you don’t deny his claims and interlace your hands together. “I have been trying to stop writing back.”

Cregan blinks and his eyes narrow just slightly. “Why?” He asks as if he doesn’t assume already. As if he doesn’t know your relationship is forbidden.

“Because I’m married,” you explain. “We have a son and I can’t do that to Aemond. Cregan, I love you, I don’t think I will ever stop, but I love him too. I love my life,” you admit with a faint smile. “I’ve grown to be content with what I have. And I owe Aemond the loyalty and respect he gives me. I want my children to grow up seeing his parents actually in love and not at each other's throats or like strangers that have to live together.” You sigh shakily and approach him now to take his hands in yours. “And I know that if I keep this secret going we will be discovered.”

“Then I will marry you,” he argues. “I will take you.”

You scoff. “That’s if I’m not killed first, or banished and have my titles and name taken from me. I’m not a man Cregan, I can’t have lovers. I’m a woman, a princess, I would be shamed for all my life, ripped away from my son, my family. I can’t be selfish anymore.” Your voice breaks and tears sting in your eyes. “I have to let you go. You have to let me go.” You pull his hands up to your lips and press a kiss on his knuckles. “I need you to do that for me.”

Cregan averts his gaze and turns his head away, causing you to grab his chin and tilt his head so you can meet each other's gazes. “I love you Cregan. You were a blessing for me. You were everything to me. I could never forget you or the time we shared, the love we had for each other. But I…I’m letting you go.”

Cregan draws in a deep breath and meets your gaze with his eyes glimmering with tears. “Does he love you? Does he treat you good? Tell me that or I will forever be restless.”

Without hesitation you give him the truth. “He does. He’s rough around the edges, but he’s good.”

Cregan let’s out a shaky breath and nods stiffly. “Then…I can rest. I can do what you want, but just know, if this war takes him away from you I will bring you back to me. I will raise your son as my own.” He presses his forehead agaisnt yours, and you laugh softly.

“I like the sound of that,” you whisper.

Cregan lingers right there, he pulls his hand away from yours and slides them up to cup your cheeks.

“I love you, y/n Velaryon. Since the moment I saw you trying to climb that wall…”

Tears roll down your cheeks and your smile wobbles.

“I love your spirit, I love your eagerness for this world, the way you love so deeply,” he confesses to you in such a soft manner. “I love you for everything you are, no one in this world will ever compare to you, nor will I ever love someone else as much as I love you.” He closes his eyes and just relishes in your approximaty, he inhales and takes in your sweet scent that is mixed with your dragon's scent. He caresses your cheeks and leans in, but he doesn’t kiss you, you don’t let him even if you want so badly to get one last reminder is his lips. You just feel the warmth of his lips brush over yours.

You bask in this moment too, not wanting to break away, wanting to stay here forever. But you can’t, besides Jacaerys is here, it’s a miracle he hasn’t come searching for you already.

“We have to go,” you break the tension. “My brother, he'll come looking for me, and if he sees us like this he’ll…” you laugh softly. “Snap.” You pull back and offer Cregan a smile. “Besides, we still have some time left together. We still are friends.”

Cregan nods. “Yes we are, and friends can dance together.”

You begin to grin. “Aye, they can, and they can still be around each other as long as my brother is with us.”

“Aye,” he agrees with a smirk. “They can still talk at meal times.”

You hum in agreement and begin to walk past him slowly and with your hips swaying, knowing he was watching you walk away. “Friends cannot share lingering looks.”

“No,” Cregan laughs. “And they can't hold hands or sneak off the castle grounds in the middle of the night, but! They can give you flowers.”

You peer back and nod. “Especially those beautiful Blue Winter Roses.”

“They’ll never compare to your beauty, but yes.”

You roll your eyes ahead and clasp your hands behind you. “I’ll see you later for supper, Lord Stark.”

“I cannot wait, Princess y/n.”

You smile at the ground and disappear behind the wall.

——

*THE NEXT DAY*

Come to one place expecting to be somewhat entertained by all the drama, but no. No! You’re bored, wondering where the hell Cregan took Jacaerys since dawn.

At dinner the two of them really didn’t have trouble getting along. Which is good your mother did say to get along with him. Albeit couldn’t they let you know? At least with Aemond at King’s Landing he’d be with you, you’d drag him to do things you like and he wouldn’t complain. But here?

Seven hells…

You actually miss Aemond. As you lay here in the parlor room in the castle of Winterfell, here in Cregan’s halls, you miss your husband.

But…you are also delighted to be with Cregan…

Fuck! Why did this have to happen to you? Why not just love one man? Sure what would be the fun in that? But life would be simpler.

You groan and press the pillow against your face. Hopefully, death will take you and solve your hearts issues.

Alas, only mere seconds later the sound of Cregan’s laugh can be heard down the hall, along with two pair of footsteps approaching. And as always you let them know your emotions by pulling the pillow off your face and closing your eyes as the door swings open.

“Sister, I’m back,” Jacaerys announces happily. “I’ve just had the most fun I’ve had in weeks,” he laughs. “Lord Stark and I just went training and he took me to explore the lands that surround this castle.” His voice gets closer as he walks to you laying on the couch.

When you hear him stop before you, he nudges your face. “I know you are not sleeping, what’s wrong with you?”

You exhale deeply. “Boredom, it’s killed me.”

“Gods,” Jacaerys groans.

You open your eyes and sit up to rest your arm on the top of the couch, and then rest your chin on your arm, catching Cregan’s amused gaze.

“It’s so true, you know how easily I get bored, Jacaerys!” You counter and peer back to watch him approach the fireplace. “Why didn’t you let me know where you were going?” You ask.

Jacaerys shrugs. “I don’t need to, and you were sleeping.”

You groan. “Well it’s so good you had so much fun. I had to break fast alone. Which,” you shoot Cregan a pointed glare now. “Thank you for that.”

Cregan scoffs softly and holds your gaze with a small smirk.

You should’ve looked away, but you let your gaze linger and can’t help your lips from pulling to a small smile.

“Hey! Where did you get that pair of clothes?” Jacaerys asks.

You climb off the couch and stretch out your arms slowly, letting the half red cloak swiftly slide down your back. “I packed it,” you say as if it wasn't obvious. “Which reminds me I need to go back home and grab more clothes. I only packed for a week.”

Jacaerys huffs. “Return and you’ll be inprisoned.”

You shrug. “A risk I'm willing to take,” you don’t argue and look down at your tight black jumpsuit that was intended for riding. “How can I show my face if I wear the same outfit more than two times? I can reuse my riding outfits, it’s a risk I can take, but repeating my gowns?” You exclaim dramatically and approach him to grab his arm. “That is a crime worse than death.”

Jacaerys rolls his eyes and tilts his head away from you. “You’re being dramatic,” he grumbles.

You glance over at Cregan who is truly amused by your conversation, so you grin before you wrap your arms around your brother. “You should be worried baby brother, I mean how can you repeat your outfits when you’re trying to impress your betrothed, hm? You need more jewelry, silks!” You laugh and slide away from him. “Maybe grow out your hair? A man with long hair is very much eye catching.” You smile sweetly and spare a quick glance at Cregan.

Jacaerys follows your quick line of gaze and then looks back at you. Albeit you just ignore it and sigh as you begin walking to the door. “Well, I’ll go, be bored somewhere else where people enjoy my company.” You approach Cregan and bow your head. “Lord Stark.”

Cregan’s eyes lock with yours and follow you as you slowly walk past him.

“Wait,” Jacaerys interjects, making you instantly freeze and go stiff, causing Cregan’s eyes to snap off you right away. “Is this yours?”

You look past your shoulder and blink as you see him holding up your orange pearl. “Yes,” you agree and walk back to him.

“Where did you get it? It’s very pretty,” Jacaerys says and moves it around.

“Don’t worry about it,” you deadpan as you reach him. “It’s mine give it.” You reach over to take it back, but he pulls his hand away. “Jace.”

Said man begins to smile as a thought goes off behind his eyes. “It was that knight wasn’t it? Ser Jason?” He snickers and keeps moving it away from you. “You have been talking with him a lot!” He points out, making you cringe since Cregan was here.

“So what of it?” You snap back and grab his arm to yank it towards you and snatch back your pearl. “He’s my sworn protector, I can befriend him.” You turn on your heels and storm away.

“What would your husband say?” Jacaerys taunts. “He was fuming when you were dancing with Lucerys.”

“<Shut up,>” you sneer in High Valyrian.

Jacaerys snickers, and as you walk past Cregan again you avert his gaze.

“Wait,” Cregan this time interjects, forcing you to stop in front of the door and look back—“the day is clear, the breeze is calm, we should go hunting, all of us. I remember how much you enjoyed walking in the forest, Princess.”

Smart.

“Only if Jacaerys will go,” you rebuttal and meet your brothers gaze.

Luckily Jacaerys gives you a smile and an accepting nod. “Sure, let’s go.”

You grin and clap your hands, waiting for both men out in the hall before you lead them out to the armory to grab what you need.

“Y/N,” Jacaerys calls out softly. “I was telling Lord Stark, here what a good singer you are. And that maybe at dinner you should sing something.”

Singing isn’t something you do with anyone besides your family and Aerion. The name they call you, “the Siren of Driftmark”, was only given to you by your grandfather Corlys, and it spread because your father would talk when he was drunk. Aemond would always tell you not to hide your talent, he says that the gods blessed you for a reason, but, it just never came easy to sing in front of strangers.

“She brought our grandfather Corlys to tears once,” Jacaerys shows you off proudly. “And he is a very closed off man.”

You can feel Cregan’s stare, but you avoid it. “I did not know the Princess could sing,” he says. “She never graced our halls with her gift,”

You try to brush off this request quickly. “I don’t sing in the common tongue, I only sing in High Valyrian. They won’t understand me.”

Cregan scoffs softly. “We don’t need to, my mother said songs are emotions. We don’t need to understand you, we’ll feel what you’re singing. Sadness, grief, happiness, love…it’s all in the way you sing.”

You sigh deeply and shrug. “Maybe I’ll sing something small. But don’t rely on it.” You reach the courtyard soon thereafter and feel thankful that you can leave this conversation by distracting yourself by picking up your weapons.

And the moment you do begin walking out the castle grounds you pull the attention away from their request. “Okay, I need to tell you two something I got told by a red priestess when I went to town a few months back.” You hang the bow around your shoulder to skip ahead and start walking backwards to be able to face the both of them.

“A red priestess?” Jacaerys query’s. “What were you doing talking to witches?”

You scoff and counter. “She’s not a witch! A priestess! And she told me if you don’t let me talk you’ll get an arrow through your throat.”

Jacaerys rolls his eyes and you gracefully continue.

“To put it simple so you boys can understand—”

“Y/N,” Jacaerys scolds, not knowing that Cregan won’t take offense to your quips.

“I have fire made flesh, salt littered blood,” you ignore him. “I will have three more children who will all live good lives,” you grin happily, but Cregan’s smile falters at the mention. “And I’m in search of hearts, one made of ice, two of fire. I don’t know what that means but it sounds interesting. And! She said that the fire is kind to me, that fire will kill the girl and awaken the dragon, hm? Also that loyalty can be seen in the surface of clear waters.”

“Well that one is easy,” Cregan interjects with curiosity. “You see your reflection when you look at the surface of clear waters. Blurry, but it’s still you.”

“So what? Find loyalty in yourself?” Jacaerys adds on to the comment.

You nod eagerly. “Yes! I’ll find loyalty in myself.” You smirk now and shrug. “I still have yet to figure out what she meant, but I quite enjoyed getting that told to me. And I did enjoy sharing it outloud” You twirl back around and leave the conversation at that to rush towards the forest line ahead of you.

Since you know these woods like the back of your hand you don’t wait for either man to catch up, you navigate past the trees, over branches spilled on the ground until you spot a creek with fish residing inside.

They move fast. Some twirl up dirt with their tails as they swim around fast, clouding the sight of your target as you pull out your bow and arrow.

“I saw a rabbit nearby,” Jacaerys points out as he and Cregan catch up to you.

You line up your arrow and raise your bow. “I don’t hunt rabbits,” you murmur.

“She gets too sad,” Cregan says, causing Jacaerys to glance at him weirdly. “She’ll eat rabbit, but she can’t hunt it herself.”

“Mhm-mm,” you hum as you draw in a deep breath and lock your eyes on a glimmering grey fish. It moved fast by you follow it.

That is until you suddenly feel someone blow in your ear. You don’t need to loo back to know it was Jacaerys.

“Quit it,” you grumble and keep your eyes on the fish. “I’m trying to concentrate.”

“A good hunter works through their distraction,” Jacaerys taunts.

“Not if the distractions breath smells,” you quip back and let the arrow go, managing to hit a fish directly in the eye and causing it to squirm. “Haha!” You exclaim and put your bow down. You then look back at Jacaerys and Cregan, and shoot them a cocky grin. “What’s my prize?”

Cregan begins to smile, and Jacaerys remarks. “A child can do that, you’re not special.”

You roll your eyes and go and pick up your trophy out of the water. “Fine then, you do it. Hit a fish right in the eye. Fish here aren’t like the ones in Dragonstone or Kings Landing, they move fast here, use the dirt to hide.”

Jacaerys blows out air and brushes you off to now take the spot you stood on to hunt, letting you take his spot by Cregan and secretly high five over your achievement. When Jacaerys aims his arrow you begin to taunt him back by kicking a rock in the water and making the fish scurry around.

“Stop it,” Jacaerys hisses.

You snicker and wait for the fish to gather again before you kick a branch in the water.

“<Bitch,>” Jacaerys swears at you in High Valyrian.

You feign an offended gasp, but rebuttal. “<Small dick boy.>”

Now that wasn’t anyway for either of you to talk, you’re royalty, but you only talked like that to each other.

“What did you just say?” Cregan asks quietly as you watch the fish gather again.

You glance at him and smile before you pat his arm and assure him. “Nothing lady like.” You slide your hand off his arm, but let your hand brush against his.

Jacaerys then proceeds to shoot his arrow, but he doesn’t hit anything even if the fish are an easy target.

“What?” You exclaim. “I thought it was easy.”

Jacaerys glares back at you. “You kept distracting me,” he complains.

You snicker. “No excuse. You just suck.”

Your brother ignores you and marches to the water to grab his arrow.

“While you two were squabbling, a flock of birds landed not so far from here. I’ll throw a rock and we have to shoot one down from here.” Cregan suggests, making your eyes go wide with interest.

“Let’s do it,” Jacaerys quickly inputs to try and prove his worth.

Cregan shoots you both a half grin before he walks a few paces ahead to pick up a pebble. “Ready?” He asks as he looks back at Jacaerys and you.

You pull out another arrow and your brother pulls out his before he responds without checking if you actually were. “Ready!”

Cregan takes what he needs and then hurls the pebble to where the birds are. The moment the pebble hits something, the birds get startled and fly out to the sky, causing all three of you to aim your arrows up at them. Albeit as the men shoot directly at the birds, you aim to the sky and wait for a bird to approach. As it gets close to your aim, you shoot at the sky.

“That was a big fail,” Jacaerys immediately teases you, but he quickly falls flat because the bird flies directly through your aim and gets hit through the eye.

“What?” You laugh. “I win!”

The bird falls through the trees not far away from where you stand, and you turn even more smug. “Now imagine me hunting on dragonback. It’s very fun.”

Cregan rolls his eyes and then begins heading to where his bird had landed. “It’s dangerous.” He yells back.

You break away from your spot and walk to your trophy. “I’m restrained!” You assure him.

Jacaerys scoffs and follows behind you since the bird he managed to hit landed near yours. “Then how do you hunt? The restraints must hold you back.”

“It’s a lot of teamwork between Astraea and I,” you explain and look to the sky as if Astraea was flying above you. “She glides and I aim. It was hard at first, but now it’s like she knows where I want her to move.” You grin back at him. “I can show you!”

Jacaerys sighs and shakes his head. “No thank you, I don’t want your death on me, Aemond would skin me.”

You roll your eyes. “It’s safe. But if you don’t want your sister to overshadow you,” you then whisper so Cregan won’t hear in the distance, “in front of Lord Stark, then I will have to show off my skills later.”

Jacaerys playfully narrows his gaze on you. “Go ahead.”

You shoot him a happy smile and then proceed to hurry through the woods to collect your trophy. Now the rest of the day is spent talking about whatever came up, laughing and just enjoying each other's company.

Having your brother with you now felt so exciting, not like before. Sure you enjoyed Cregan’s company, and liked his friends that also became yours, but having family with you is different, it’s more relieving, you can be more yourself, it’s just better in every way. Even if you squabble a lot.

Cregan also seems to enjoy Jacaerys company, he especially finds amusement in the way you two argue and taunt one another as well. He says that it seems that Jacaerys and you really share a strong sibling bond that he envies. Maybe in a different life, one where you married Cregan—

No…you can’t feed into that thought, no matter how nice it may seem. So, pushing that aside, the day passes right under you, the sun sets without either of you paying attention; that’s how much you all enjoyed each other's company, how you forget about the war that looms. And it’s because of your long day that you fall asleep quickly without having to think about Cregan at night; and how much you want to be in his company alone in his chambers.

You didn’t wake until a knock rapped on your door with urgency.

Jacaerys? What may he want that he can't wait to tell you later?!

“Come in,” you respond to the visitor as you sit up on your bed.

The door opens and the maester comes in. He stops at the doorway and averts his gaze right away since you are considered indecent. “Princess,” he mutters to the ground. “A raven just arrived from Dragonstone.”

Your mother…what happened?

You sigh and climb out of your bed to take the scroll from his hand. “Thank you, maester.”

Said man bows his head and quickly scurries away to leave you to yourself. Once the door is closed you break the wax and unroll the scroll, realizing right away that the handwriting on the paper is not your mothers.

“Prince Jacaerys & Princess Y/N,

I write with urgency and great sorrow, your brother, Prince Lucerys has passed—”

The air in your lungs escapes with your gasp, and your heart sinks right away, but you still don’t believe the news.

“—The Greens have struck their first blow, Prince Aemond killed Prince Lucerys in Storm's End. The details of what happened aren’t clear, that’s all we know right now. But you had the right to know. Stay in Winterfell for a few more days for your safety. Be wary.

Daemon.”

No…no, he has to be lying. It’s Daemon playing games.

You begin to pace the room, feeling a weight on your chest and your mind running mad with different thoughts, outcomes, arguments.

Aemond couldn’t have done that. No it’s not possible, you told him not to act against your brothers. He couldn’t have done it.

You shake your head and face the fire lit in the fireplace. Daemon wouldn't play with news like this, but Lucerys. Sweet Lucerys can’t be gone.

Yet no matter how much you try to deny it you know, deep within that it is true. That your little brother is gone…

Oh gods…

You fall to your knees and begin to sob alone, wishing that the accused was actually here now to comfort you.

But he isn’t here, you’re in Winterfell, feeling all that joy and relief crumble and get consumed by sorrow and darkness. You’re in Winterfell away from the comfort of your mother, you’re here only with Jacaerys.

Jacaerys…That’s right, you need to tell him.

However, when you try to share the news he isn’t here, he’s out with Cregan again. So you wait in the parlor room, crying as you lose your gaze in the sky above the balcony.

It takes a while, but at long last your brother and Cregan find you.

“I know, I know I left,” Jacaerys comes in saying with nothing but joy in his tone. “But hear this, Cregan accepted to fight with us.”

You’re too grief stricken to speak, and the only one who notices right away is Cregan.

“What’s wrong Princess? You plan to ignore us?” He playfully says.

With tears running down your cheeks, and the scroll trembling in your hand you slowly turn to face both men with sorrow painted all over your face, catching them by surprise.

“What’s wrong, y/n?” Jacaerys asks with immediate concern. “Is it Aerion?”

You sniffle and offer him the scroll. Jacaerys glances at the shaky sheet before looking at your tears and cautiously approaching you.

“You can’t get upset, Jace,” you warn him. “Please don’t lash out.”

Jacaerys scoffs and snatches the scroll from you. He turns to give you his back and you finally meet Cregan’s gaze, catching the pity and the longing to comfort you now, but unable to.

“No,” Jacaerys gasps and goes stiff. “No. That can’t be…” he trails off, and he soon begins to breathe hard before he balls up the paper in his hand, and throws the vases on the table beside him off the surface.

“Jace,” you quiver out.

Your brother ignores you though and begins to stomp away, mumbling under his breath. “I’m going to kill him.”

“Jacaerys!” You yell, catching his attention now.

“You read the letter,” you mumble. “We have to stay. Please.”

Jacaerys slowly faces you with tears rolling down his cheeks, and that just breaks you even more. He sniffles before he breaks away from his spot and approaches you to immediately wrap you in an embrace.

You hug him back and cry into his shoulder while your mind also went back to Aemond.

You’ll get the truth from him. He couldn’t have done it on purpose, no he couldn’t have. He knows how much that would hurt you…

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