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epochryphal · 2 years

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found out today i’ve been diaphragm breathing by default and have to focus-struggle to chest breathe, and that’s possibly part of why i find guided breathing so disregulating

(that, and “i’m gonna give instructions your body can’t help but semi-follow no matter how much you try not to because you literally have to keep breathing” is just. bodily autonomy feels bad. the ocd and ptsd are just canaries in the coal mine of bodily autonomy)

it’s especially funny cuz i’ve wondered if the reason i’ve felt like my chest goes kinda concave-feel unable to breathe deep enough is dysphoria or an aftereffect of binding (for two years over a decade ago) but no.

no, it’s that i gotta work the chest breathing muscles, intentionally, whereas apparently most folks need to focus to diaphragm breathe and the point is do both

#fuckinnngggg. have Never heard someone say you Should breathe in your chest #have Only ever heard instructions to breathe from your diaphragm and expand your gut #so when it felt like i wasn’t getting enough air in chest i’d try to breathe Big Enough Through Belly Up #and couldn’t breathe deep enough to fill diaphragm And chest #fuckin wild i guess the lungs are big and the tops like air too. if that’s how that works #for all my like repeated exposure to medical courses. never Did get more than surface pulmonary overview #journal bloggin #obligatory fuck mindfulness and the careless teaching of Panaceas without contextualizing Why they might help

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aurosoul · 5 months

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#picture journal #video #clouds bloggin

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thalibloom · 1 year

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Attachment to people and places and things

We take nothing with us when we pass on

Not even the bodies we experienced life through

I wanted to love you forever, beyond this realm

Now I have to learn detachment with you

Listening to heartbreak in the form of song

Because I relate to the genuine intentions of love

I reflect on the years we’ve shared with eachother

Forgiveness is owed to myself

I shamed myself for being enamored with you

Because of lack of love you gave me

I loved you so much I never wanted to hurt you the way you hurt me

Maybe i took it all too serious

I became attached to the idea we would love each other forever

Now i have to detach myself from the idea of loving you at all

Because you’re so far away from me

You’re millions of miles away from me

Why did i think I could hold you forever

#blogging #love #love poem #self love #mental health #self healing #writing #peace #self liberation #blog #anxiety #journal #new blog #heartbreak #self care #words #depression #anxious #bloggin #fyp

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sp1ral1ng · 1 day

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really think i need to take a t break soon but lord above if i can’t smoke weed while finishing this job… maybe i’ll just do it during summer. or when i get my art teaching job. cause that’s HAPPENING !!!!!!! FUCK !!!!!!!!! I WILL BE TEACHING ART NEXT YEAR !!!!! lol like i cannot be a para next year it is not the direction i want to take my career. and lisa is honestly so hard to work with i cannot. anyway. t break coming soon along with better job and better health and i WILL break this cycle !!!! i will find and make better choices and possibilities !!!!!!!!!!!! lol

#hi hey hi this is gonna b my new place for private bloggin n journaling n venting mostly personal posts so honestly don’t interact lol

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capriciouscaprine · 1 month

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good morning! food bloggin tiem!

I've gotten a LOT done on my paper so far so I'm proud of that, but my fear is cutting it all back out again due to length, plus I really need 5-10 more references from 2019 or sooner and so far both papers I've referenced do not fit that

how am I supposed to stay under 45 pages double spaced when I also have to have 25 recent references in my lit review AND have a comprehensive analysis of my intervention and its effects on my students??? (then again, I am the type of person who doesn't understand how people can fit journaling into their morning routines bc I'll fill PAGES once I start writing)

I had my yogurt bowl and coffee for first breakfast (~200) and then homemade waffles from my mom that I had in my freezer for second breakfast ~4 hours later (proud of waiting that long, too!); had a coffee with a single serving of caramel cold cream from a spray bottle on top, and wow is 10 grams of that not a lot; I had to add an extra splash of milk to actually enjoy my coffee after all; waffles (two squares from one of those four square waffle makers, with margarine and sugar free syrup) and coffee all together were ~300, and I ended up not finishing them bc I was full!! (not gonna subtract any tho ;) )

which, while I feel full, it's like my need for taste sensation isn't satisfied yet? I'm going to have water with mio 0 c sweet tea flavoring added, which I've been trying and seems to work well; I guess I'm going to become a flavored water person??

my meal entertainment today has been annika's leaf vlogs, which are the perfect blend of aesthetic and realistic; yes, her breakfast is instagrammable and her gym sets match, but she still has to clean up crumbs and there are random vegetables smashed into the mats she has to avoid?? I mention her here bc I had a mini revelation: she went with a friend and got fancy 'coffee' (barely) drinks and cake from a cute cafe, had SOME of her drink while there, and then TOOK THE CAKE HOME FOR LATER

she didn't even try it at the cafe; she featured it next to her drink at the cafe in the vlog, and that was it! maybe this seems obvious to everyone else, but it never occurred to me that while yes, I can get the fancy cake from the cafe an hour from my house while I'm there with a friend, I don't have to eat it right then and there!!! sometimes I'd get nauseous feeling like I HAD to try and eat what I ordered wherever we were even tho I wasn't really hungry, and I didn't even realize this was an option!!

I feel like this is a holdover from being a kid; you HAD to get whatever it was right then and there with your mom/aunt/whoever bc who knew when you'd get to go back, but then my family at least would judge you for being wasteful if you didn't finish it NOW; I feel like this might be different for someone with a different family or regional culture, but food as a souvenir really was not a thing in my family, and now I'm understanding how that may have impacted my long term relationship with food: order everything you like the taste of NOW, bc you might NEVER get to have it again, and if you don't finish it before you leave that's WASTEFUL (and yes, we were a 'clean plate club' household, how did you guess? lmao)

I don't think I'll be able to address this aspect of my relationship with food until I've sorted out my finances (aka gotten a better paying job) and have more free time to go to these fun food places regularly and prove to myself that yes I can go back whenever I want so there's no need to gorge myself right now immediately

ugh, I wanna finish this paper but I don't want to go back to working on it ;_; ;_; ;_; I guess I could load the dishwasher at least??

#cc og #the slimmening

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ask-healthy-light · 1 year

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A Summary of Events

After visiting the bookstore, and returning to the Palace, there was discomfort for a while when Light and Nox met Shining again, and joined them for dinner, where Light told Twila why they travelled here.

Learning about their research, the young Princess told Light about her Uncle, who also knew of strange tunnels, of which Light made a note, along with the name of her friend, who they did and did not know.

Dinner passed swiftly, and Light and Eclipse snuck into the Archives, where they were almost caught. A spell turned Light invisible, but it hurt them as well. While they rested, Nox came by to visit Light.

While they headed out for an evening walk, where they told each other about their actions, 'borrowing' classified documents, Boom was in Ponyville Palace, where he and Spike found the journal of Starswirl.

Though, after asking the Wizard for a copy of his journal, Boom idly mentioned the Valley he and Light had travelled to, terrifying the Pillars, telling them about his past life, including the foul dagger.

Research resumed the following day, though during the night, tensions arose between Nox and Light over a misunderstanding, but with patience and compassion, the bond between them and Luna was stronger now.

But spending the night awake, after their morning walk with Luna, and breakfast, Eclipse told Light of a letter sent to them, which none knew how to translate. Even worse, it hurt all who were close to it.

Growing frustrations back at Ponyville Palace made Mage Meadowbrook take action, forcing both Boom and Starswirl outside to calm down. They visited Zecora, whom they asked for advice for this tough moment.

As they returned, soaked by a torrent of rain, Rockhoof and Meadowbrook sent word to the other Pillars to call for their aid. When they had made amends, they received word the others would arrive, tonight.

Then, Boom, Rockhoof and Starswirl were sent out for groceries, when Boom lost track of Starswirl, and ran to the Forest to find him, meeting Zecora along the way. In the old Palace, they found the Wizard.

Now, in understanding, Zecora and the Ancient Unicorns are heading back to town…

Featuring: Boomlord from @thedumbguywithaheart43 Nox Lunarwing from @nox-lunarwing Solar Eclipse and Twilight Sparkle as Twilight Eclipse from @asktwilighteclipse Princess Twila from @twila-bloggin and @vaderssolace

(Three hundred episodes already, and getting close to a full year of writing! I've grown so much over the last period of time, and I've got so many people to thank!)

(Thank you so, *so* incredibly much to everyone, for reading, leaving messages, sending in asks or requests, for all your support! It truly means a lot to me!)

(As always, if you would like a story about your character, the ask box is open, so feel free to send a request!)

Send an ask or request! | Start at the beginning!

#summary #story related #my little pony #writing #oc #healthy light #boomlord #nox lunarwing #twilight eclipse #princess twila #starswirl the bearded #mage meadowbrook #rockhoof #spike the dragon #zecora #pinkie pie

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janeybloggins · 11 months

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idk what I would do without my journal. I use it to set goals, write myself motivational affirmations and jot down new ideas. I'm sure it can help you as well. Repeat after me: I AM A MONEY MAGNET 🧲💰

#moneymagnet #money magic #law of manifestation #money journal

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plurnt · 1 year

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I kinda want to start bloggin again, like writing on here. But i do write in a journal. maybe i'll do both? it wont hurt anything. it's just for me any way. I just need to be careful not to delete my profile again. I'm not sure if i should make another tumblr page for it. im not sure. i'll chew on it.

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bandit-o-s-usb · 3 years

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tghe only ninento switch unboxing to ever matter

#context:#these guys who hate gaming journalism ran a parody gaming journalism show for machinima back in the day #one of their bits leading up to the release of the nintendo switch was hating the nintendo switch for being a mediocre piece of seemingly #gimmicky hardware without much power or positive traits #the *WEEK* the nintendo switch released they did a live stream where people had to not donate to have them not smash the switch #obviously they got lots of $$$ and they thus smashed the full #fresh out of the box release week nintendo switch #They now run a really solid 'regular' news entertainment channel called Internet Today #check em out they do good shit #usb blog #usb be bloggin #nintendo #Nintendo Switch

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sappho114 · 3 years

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Ah, one of your touchstones is a child? I'm sure this'll go well. No angst or issues whatsoever!

#[storyteller note] this will NOT go well #vtm bloggin #juno's game journal #quarianrambles

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epochryphal · 2 years

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the more time i spend around men who just knuckle down and bear tremendous hardship without complaining - the jewish men in my life, mine workers, bears, leathermen -

the more i am increasingly “oh. oh, it really is power that was always the problem in my interactions.“ including when i have had power-over, because that impacts how they react to me

and the more i really love and relate to these gentle, quiet, “stoic” men and treasure seeing them get to be out of their shells and louder

and the more insight into myself i have

and the more hopeful i feel

#journal bloggin #i'm not the type who can delete posts or purge blog history or even go back and add Notes about views changing really #it's super daunting and there's something about preserving it as-is that feels more holistic #and i don't think i've been outspoken enough about some of the starker changes. and i'd like to be #but i know i bought into q-slur at one point. and i bought into misandry for much longer #and i got caught up in privilege frameworks that made me really hostile and also really vulnerable and constantly hurting #and i hope that in searching my blog even though old posts like that show up these newer ones do too #i hope it's a testament to development. which is something i value #especially as an exvangelical. it's important to me that there are visible firsthand changes over time #cuz it's small a lot of the time

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aurosoul · 11 months

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