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justatypicalwizard · 11 months

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Wants Within | S. Shinazugawa | Chapter 6

✦ Sanemi Shinazugawa x femReader!, college au, reader is adult

✦ Synopsis: You're a college student taking classes with a very strict lecturer- professor Shinazugawa. Because of an unfortunate even you got on his bad side so now you're trying everything to regain in his eyes. Well, you most certainely didn't expect that kind of attention.

✦ Word count: 3k

18+, minors do not interact

The trip back went smoothly. It was less tiring than climbing up, sun reaching and caressing your face with its warm, autumn rais. You and your professor talked about your schedules, are you happy with them, about the university itself, some weird or funny situations related to it and so on and so forth. It was nice to have a normal talk with him, making him less and less scary in your eyes. Now, he was not the enigmatic, attractive professor that could make your life in college a living hell with one of his assignments. Now, he was just young, interesting and strict.

Back at the resort you were all staying in, life came back to its normal pace. Students were everywhere, completing some assignments, talking to their professors, chilling on sofas and doing all sorts of other things. Your major had one more small trip around the resort to gather at least a few samples for everyone. You had the biggest amount of different containers.

After dinner, people taking classes with Shinazugawa were supposed to gather in the main hall to deal with the samples. They were supposed to be taken back to the university for further research, but first they had to be secured. They were mostly simple things, but they demanded time.

Everyone was slowly finishing, but you weren't even in the middle. All the morning samples were still waiting. You also didn't know how to manage them, Shinazugawa only gave instructions for the ones everyone had.

In the corner of your eye, you see the white haired man coming your way. You were one of the last people sitting in the hall.

''When you finish with the standard ones, come to my room and we'll deal with the morning samples.'' He gave you instructions and you gladly nodded.

✦

Some time later, you finally did all you had to do here and started to pack the rest, about to headt to Shinnazugawas room. You made your way up some stairs and into the quiet part of the resort. Apart from the noisy area that the students occupied, this one here was totally peaceful.

You were just about to turn the corner to face your professor's door, when you heard a voice.

''We need to talk, let me in.'' You were unfamiliar with the woman that was talking, but she was definitely pissed.

Peeking around a bit, you spotted Shinazugawa standing in his room's door frame and a small, black haired lady. It was the same one you saw in the morning, smiling at the speaking professor. Was she one of the Kocho sisters?

''We have nothing to talk about.'' Shunazygawas voice was harsh, like you've never heard it.

''Oh yes, we do. This happens all over again, because you won't talk to us.'' The black haired spat out. ''You own her a big apology.''

''I already apologised, many times in fact.'' The white haired man kept his cool, but it was visibly running out.

''It was not sincere. She doesn't believe you, we don't believe you.

''I told you everything I had to say.''

''You're lying. There must be something that you're hiding. A diploma? You left her because of a diploma? Did she disturb your work so hard? Or maybe she was unwanted competition and you did it to kick her out of the rat race, hm?'' Her voice was venomous, burned out with hatred. ''Or did you just use her? You knew she only wated to have sex in a stable relationship and you played the fiance just to get her? Or you had a romance? Tell me, what was it?''

This was some deep shit that you were not supposed to hear. You could nearly imagine Shinazugawa doing all those things to the slender, fragile woman that the Kocho looked like. But would he really do that? What was the reason that he broke the engagement?

''These are some wild assumptions that I would never dare to do. You think about it too much and come to crazy conclusions. I've already told the both of you why I'm no longer with her.''

''It's bullshit.''

''It's true. You just can't suck up the truth, that your sister is not so perfect after all.'' He finally snapped out at her. ''Like I said, I won't talk about that any longer. All this here is unprofessional and please leave me alone, I'm waiting for a student. She might be here anytime.''

The younger Kocho looked pale, yet her face was smooth. The anger must have been deeply rooted within her and she taught herself how to control it.

''It's not the end of it.''

With that, the woman left.

You waited for some time, back sticked to the wall, breathing as quietly as possible. You felt so stupid. Not only did you hear something you shouldn't have, you never actually thought about turning around and walking away as soon as you realised you shouldn't be here. You just stood there, listening with curiosity to everything they said. Now, you're also curious. Is Shinazugawa the bad guy, or maybe that Kocho also did something?

All in emotions, you finally made your way to the door, knocking gently on it. It swung open, to reveal an angry face that faced away as soon as he realised who came. If you didn't know about the talk from just a while ago, you would think he is angry with you. Now, you felt sorry, that he had to hide his emotions so much and pretend like nothing ever happened.

Gesturing, he let you in. It was clean, none of his things particularly visible. Just a pair of glasses and a book on the nightstand, some papers on the desk and his phone tossed on a shelf. Apart from that, the room looked like every other hotel room.

He took the samples from you and instantly started talking about them. No smalltalk, chitchat, scolding or jokes. You weren't surprised by this. After such an emotional rollercoaster, you would be crawling under your bed sheets.

Somewhere halfway through the samples that you both managed in silence someone knocked on the door. Shinazugawa glanced at the entrance with anger still lingering in his eyes. He excused you and opened, revealing a tall woman with long, black hair.

She was dressed extremely pretty. It looked as if she picked a fancy pyjama set for purpose. It was not too comfy to look unprofessional, but it was also not everyday dressing. She had a loose, white dress, some sort of a knitted cardigan on top and soft, silky shoes that looked very delicate and classy. Her long hair was let loose, framing her form. A small smile planted on her pink lips, while she looked at the white haired man.

Compared to that goddess, you looked like Sith.

''May we talk to you, Sanemi?'' It was the first time you heard someone talk to him by his first name.

''I'm busy, as you can see.'' He pointed your way and the goddess gave you a glance.

She blinked with her long lashes a few times before crooking her neck and giving you a small smile. You smiled back, feeling like a rabbit in front of a speeding car. They didn't know you knew, but you knew. You tried to look as shocked and puzzled as you could.

Looking behind the tall beauty, you spotted the shorter, scarier one standing behind her. Her expression was a whole other world. She was dressed casually and had a serious face. Putting her hands on her sister's hips, she moved her gently aside, pushed through Shinazugawa and standed next to you, looking at your hands and investigating your composure.

''Leave.'' You stared at her, eyes wide.

''You can't do that, that's my student and we are in the middle of something.'' The white haired man came closer to the short woman.

Younger Kocho burned holes in his face, heering the 'in the middle of something' part. You knew what she was thinking about and you felt very uneasy. You didn't want to get dragged down into this.

Standing up, you grabbed your phone and notebook, all of them looking at you. Stepping aside, you walked to the door.

''I'm sorry for taking your personal time, professor. If you are busy, we can reschedule this. I really didn't want to bother, sorry once more.'' Maybe you tried to help him a bit, giving the sisters a hint that you were the one that asked to come here. Or maybe you just wanted to get out of there as fast as possible and that was the first thing that came to your mind.

Whatever, you were standing outside the door, the younger Kocho looking at you in a judging manner, the older still with that smile plastered on her face and Shinazugawa with a shocked and apologetic look.

''I'm sorry for the disturbance but we have some urgent matters to discuss.'' The older sister nodded your way, before closing the door gently.

Even though it was all over for you, you started to feel curious. Now, when you were safe in your own personal space once more, you wanted to hear what was going on, who was guilty, could you really look at Shinazugawa the way you looked at him before?

But wait, what way did you look at him before?

He was smart, very, very smart. Like, sexy smart if you're into science stuff. That coldish and demanding manner scared you at first, but now you saw that it has a purpose. His excitement and passion about the things he likes. The top two buttons of that damn white shirt of his. His slender hips and wide arms, toned muscled under the fitted tee. His white hair, always messy and those pale, lavender eyes that could pierce through you, but also turn you on so hard.

Oh gee...

You had a crush on him. The tension you felt about him being such a charming man now added up with the connection you thought you had. The small talks and the fact he showed intentionally or not, his human side made you fall.

Ah! You would think about it later. Now, you need to know what they are talking about. Thinking and analysing, you registered that this was the last room on the corner. Just next to it was a small balcony, connected to the corridor. If Shinazugawa had his window open, you could hear if you would stand on that balcony.

Not wasting time, you rushed to the place. You felt nasty, but also so good. You won't tell anyone, that was a promise you made to yourself, no matter how many things you will hear and what they will be about, you won't tell anyone. You just had to know, if Shinazugawa was a bastard and you're a stupid goose, or was it not his fault.

Reaching the balcony, you thanked all the gossiping gods. His window was open, right next to the balcony and his blinds were down so they wouldn't see you here. Keeping your breath in, you listened to what they were saying.

''This was far too much. You come here, interrupt my planned study session, kick out MY student and start a fight.'' You heard Shinazugawas voice.

''I said we need to talk. Besides, I don't believe in that 'study session'. You always liked to mess around with a lot of girls.'' The younger Kocho started.

''That was in highschool and you're out of your mind. It's disrespectful of you to even think about her in such a manner.''

''I know you.''

''You know shit.''

''Why do you defend her so much? You don't care about others.'' The short woman was still striking him with questions.

''Because she's my student and you're attacking her. You're basically calling her a bitch that sleeps with me to get good grades.''

''Then why does she have such good grades?''

''Because she's a good student for fucks sake. She also has some bad ones just like everyone else.''

''What, did she suck off your dick bad?''

''Enough!'' You heard the white haired shout.

''Shinobu, that was out of line. I think that girl has nothing to do here.'' The third voice stood up.

''Don't ever talk about my students like that.'' he was still fuming.

''That's not what we wanted to talk about here.'' The older Kocho stated in a quiet voice.

You didn't know how that Shinobu reacted, but they just kept talking.

''I just want a real explanation of why you left. You told that it was because of the misunderstandings, but I don't see what I did wrong.'' The older one kept talking. ''That's why I feel like you're lying. Just tell the truth, please.''

There was a second of silence.

''If I tell you everything, will you leave me once and forever?'' Shinazugawa sighed.

''Yes.'' The younger one answered quickly.

''Great. Did you ever consider Kanae, that I never wanted that engagement? I don't know what you told Shinobu, but she pressured, and finally offended me for so long that I finally proposed to you just to have it off my head. She threatened me that if I don't propose to you she will talk you into leaving me right away. And you know what?'' He paused for a second. ''I believed her. I was scared that once again, I was not enough. You wanted a husband and a family, I was just a mere boyfriend. I was scared, because I didn't want to do that, but I was more scared of losing you. We were together for so long then, at least that was in my stupid mind. I thought that it won't change much between us. We were in college, living together and having fun, starting our careers. Well, I was wrong. You guys, both of you, started to bombard me with hundreds of expectations. You never considered my emotions. The two of you talked between yourself about how I'm supposed to talk, act, behave, think, everything. I didn't get to decide whether I could do something or not, your needs were always the first. I felt like I was dating not Kanae, but both of you. The fucking good and bad policemen. You always had something to say, to add, to correct in me. And there were two of you. I had no one who could show me what a toxic relationship looks like. Do you recall how because of a tea with your parents I missed Genyas graduation? Shinobu said, that Genya had average grades so it's nothing special, and your parents what to give me a job proposition.''

''Because they wanted, and it was a far better job than you could gain yourself with the education you had. You had to start to think like and adult!'' Shinobu spat out.

''I was thinking like an adult! You are the two who are stuck in highschool drama. Me and Genya are fucking orphans, I took care for him for as long as I remember. Do you think there is anything more important for me than him? Yet, I missed it, because I was stupid enough to believe you, that if don't come, you will break up with me.''

''You should have priorities, your wife should be on...'' He didn't let her end.

''Kanae was never my wife. She was never more important than Genya, and you know why? Because I was the only fucking adult then, you two acted like brats. Do you really thought, that at twenty two I would still act like that fifteen year old sneaking through your window? That we would be sweethearts to the end of time? Grow up! Yes I did tell you that I will always be yours, but I was fifteen! That didn't mean anything and you know damn well we were too young to make any serious decisions. Yet, you stuck to your perfect life scenario and treated me just like a component that has to fit in. I was sick of that. I'm a person with feelings and dreams that I want to pursue. You never acknowledged that I've grown and changed. People grow up and grow apart, that's how life works. Please just let go of me, you destroyed too many things. Please just stop and vanish from my life. All you gave me at the end was anxiety and hundert missed opportunities to be myself. I wanted to be myself, not labelled as your boyfriend. You rooted out my feelings for you yourself. Now please, just go.''

Silence fell upon all of them. That was way deeper than you thought.

''I'm sorry I wasn't your perfect man and that I didn't grow to your expectations. We just naturally started to drift apart and we both must accept it. It's over Kanae.''

After a short while you heard the door opening. They didn't even say anything and they are leaving. Guess they really didn't consider such an answer. Then, you heard the voice of the older one once more.

''Sanemi, you need to know that I still have a place in my heart for you. If you would ever want to reconsider, I'm here. I can change for you.''

''Stop Kanae, I don't want this. I doubt you'll ever change, just go look for your knight on a white horse. I don't say I don't believe that you'll find someone like that. I just want you to know that it won't be me. We've been together for over eight years, but now, it's over.''

''Can I kiss you one last time?'' She asked.

Your stomach sank a bit. A goddess like her kissing Shinazugawa. What if he remembers all the things she loved about her and reconsiders? Even if not, the image of them sharing one last passionate kiss was just hurtful.

''No, please don't touch me.'' Was his only answer.

Now you knew that he definitely had enough of her. If he didn't even want to do her that last favour, she must have hurt him enough.

You heard the door close. They were both gone.

SERIES MASTERLIST

#demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba #kny #demon slayer sanemi #kimetsu no yaiba sanemi #sanemi shinazugawa #sanemi x reader #sanemi x you #college #university #college student #shinazugawa x reader #demon slayer shinazugawa #shinazugawasanemi #sanemi x y/n #sanemi smut

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mrs-monaghan · 11 months

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Art is such a powerful thing man. I swear. Letter is the proof. Jimin is literally screaming his soul and heart out while singing in our headphones, and so many people pretend that he wrote that song just for them. I would have loved to know that such a beautiful song was made for me, for us, but it was not. And what I love the most about it, is that nothing is certain. Jimin always leaves us the benefit of the doubt. He needs that doubt himself in order to protect his relationship. That “dear.army” is not for everyone. If you want to see it, you will, and you’ll be able to read between the lines, to see that full stop that changes everyting. If you don’t want to, you’ll read it all together. And pretend that mark is not there. The same goes for the lyrics. “We don’t know what days await us”, “we’re afraid”, “the fun moments between you and me” and so many others. All these sentences can refer to armys, sure. I mean, if you really strain it… yes, they can. And that’s why Jimin is so smart. Their bond is special, it’s a literal gift that makes them able to turn off the lights of cameras , of telephones, of the internet and the whole industry, and enjoy themselves, just the two of them, in their little world. “They’re not close anymore like they used to be”: yes they are. What some people don’t get is that the “loudness” is still there, but in a different form. It’s in Jk’s eyes, in Jm’s smile when he sings letter. In their little moments together that we’ll never know about unless they tell us about it. They’re probably kissing, eating together, dancing together, sleeping. Maybe fighting too. And Jimin is never going to tell you “yes, that song is for the love of my life”. Forget that. But he can say anything else in his songs, and only people who are able to appreciate their bond will see it. Others won’t, and those people are the same that will never understand how deep the love between Jikook is. I can’t imagine how much hard it was for them to always hold back their feelings, to try to hide them so bad. To always be careful with words, actions, touches. I think they’re just learning to live their love in private, because the needing to tell the world that they’re in love must have faded with time. A part of them will always desire to share it with the world and the public, I think, but they must have realized that what they need is their other half. No external validation, no spotlight. Sadly, sharing it would wear this love out, because not everyone would get its preciousness. JM and JK still don’t know what awaits them, but they live with this only certainty: that they love each other. And this is scary. This is nothing and everything, if you think about it. Everything that they have it’s them. They never had certainties unless their love. But they’re together, and fear will be overcomed by both, as they always did. As those two young and unprepared kids did, growing up together. I have so much to say but I already wrote a lot. Sorry. I just wish them the best, and I hope that one day this love will be set free from judgment, doubts, hate, and from distracted eyes that can’t notice its pureness.

Jimin’s live performance of Letter is so good!

Damn. You're tearing my heart up. This is just

Gonna go cry now 😭

#jimin letter #jimin face #ask shaz #bts ask #bts #jikook #kookmin #minkook #jimin and jungkook #park jimin #jeon jungkook #jimin #jungkook #jikook feels #jikook is real

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dielitttt · 2 years

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My opinion on moon signs💯

Aries moon: you guys have such warm hearts but I’m not tryna get on your bad side either 😭😭. You guys are so passionate and nice everywhere so fast. You guys are the type of people who walk around VERY fast like you need to go somewhere. You guys always give people motivation to do things and hype up people. There energy is also very strong when they come to a room. feral ass mfs💀.

Taurus moon: I LOVE YALL SMM. You guys are so chill and just go w the flow. When you guys argue it’s always about some stupid thing💀. You either hate or love eating fast food, and like taking naps when bored. You guys are so picky w who you open up to tho. You guys can fall asleep so easily, y’all are the type of people who would fall asleep otp without meaning to. You guys are also either impatient or patient. STUBBORN ASFF, doesn’t give up for shit. I’ve dated a few of Taurus moons and their always nonchalant a lot of times unless they rlly like like u tho.

Gemini moon: You guys always either give off this anxious/chaotic ass energy or a very sly witty type of energy. Funny asf when it comes to arguing and roasting ppl😭. You guys have a solution for problems that come their way and find a way to make it better. I would pick u to be next to me if there was any roast battle or arguement with people. You guy get lost in your own chaotic and anxious thoughts you have on yourself or on others.

Cancer moon: You guys are so sweet and caring!! But please start putting yourself first, I know a lot of people rely on u but sometimes you just have to say no and just do something for yourself for once. I also admire how much you care about animals and other people's feelings. Yet, I think you do it a little too much at times. Start caring about your own feelings instead of others cause your only gonna damage yourself. I feel like u guys get told u look like your mother sometimes 😭😭.

Leo moon: You guys are so admirable and people can develop feelings for u very easily. You guys always keep your promises even if it’s big or small cause they know how it feels to have broken promises. You guys always never forget about the little things about people. Y’all are the definition of dramática/dramático☠️☠️. You always bright up the energy in a room. WE GET EACHOTEHR LIKE ALOT AND I HAVE SO MUCH FUN W U GUYS LIKE OMGG. WE HAVE THE SAME THOUGHTS FRFR. You guys are so bright and compassionate!!

Virgo: You guys are so secretly judge mental or it rlly shows in your face😭. Y’all are so responsible but a little to extra sometimes. Please take a break for one time instead trying to fix everything babes. On the other hand tho y’all are fun ash when you guys are laid back or chill but also rlly mature which kinda terrifies me sometimes… you guys are emotionally mature and know how to express your emotions or sometimes you guys delay your emotions. You guys are kind and very helping tho!!! ☺️ you guys are the type of people who volunteer certain causes or volunteer in general in places

Libra moon: ay dios mío…yall fall for sm people so easily it’s not even funny…💀. BUT YOU GUYS R SO FUNNY AND FUN 😭.. it’s js yalls love interest or love life are 😃…uhm interesting. YOU GUYS R SO KINDDDD AND HAVE SUCH PRETTY TRAITSSS. I WOULD PROBABLY DEPEND ON YOU WHEN IT COMES TO HAVING FUN OR SUM. (I sound so aggressive but it’s wtv) you guys are the type of people who leave other people on seen for the longest and then randomly text someone like heyyyy😇. But I love the fact that your always there for others or to cheer them up even if u don’t need to 😊. OH AND YOU GUYS PROBABLY GAD A FIRST LOVE OR LIKE KISSED SOMEONE AT A VERY YOUNG AGE.

Scorpio moon: ISTG YALL KNOW HOW TO USE WORDS SO GOOD😭😭. When you argue w people you woulf have the most valid points and manipulate the words n shit its scary. YALL HIDE SO MANY THINGS FROM PPL LIKE OMLL. You guys also do the wildest shit ever istg. You guys are so hot tho 😇. I think having Scorpio moon can also make ur eyes like very sly and luring tbh. Some of you guys change yourself alottt in order to fit in sometimes (this applies to more of the ppl who have this in 11h) when I’m with you guys we do crazy shit, you guys r so fun. You guys can lie with a straight face tho 😭😭. I feel bad for most of u guys tho cause from what I’ve seen most of your relationships with ur mothers aren’t the best.

Sagittarius moon: YALL ARE THE DEFINITION OF DOING CRAZY SHITTTT. You guys in general are crazy asfffff, you guys are always so optimistic. You guys are the type of people who ask the weirdest question ever like “do ants have sex?” They also ask them so randomly 😭😭. But I love u guys anyways and you guys also know how to beat someone’s ass tho.. you guys get so mixed up in your own feelings. You guys either care or don’t, you guys are very open towards things and are always willing to try new things. You guys always look lost sometimes tho.. even if ur not. You guys can look “dumb” but are very intelligent and can see through ppls bs sometimes.

Capricorn moon: bye I feel so bad for y’all 😭😭. You guys hide your feelings liek a lot or shield them from other people very often. YALL ALSO BARELY WEAR MAKEUP UNLESS ITS LIKE A FANCY EVENT THO. Just like Scorpio moon y’all have very serious issues w ur mom tho…🥲. BUT BRUV YALL HOLD SO MUCH POWER OVER PEOPLE LIKE ITS SO EASY FOR U GUYS TO MESS UP SOMEONES REPUTATION WHEN THEY MESS W U💀. you guys r also intimadtating or give off an intimating vibe. YOU ALSO KNOW HOW TI FIX THIBGS SO EASILYYY. You guys also be more close to ur father sometimes or not idk. I trust u guys a lot tho ☺️.

Aquarius moon: I BARELY MEET ANY AQAURIUS MOONS SO UHHH YEAH. you guys always deny how you feel most of the time, lack of emotional nurturing most of the time. YOU GUYS ALSO ARE VERY INTERESTING LIKE TELL ME ABT THAT ONE WEIRD ASS THING U WATCHED AS A KID😭. You also have different povs of things and try to understand the other differences towards things which I love!! You guys are so creative when it comes to everything and humor like the insults u make are so funny💀.

Pisces moon: You guys literally get away with everything it’s not even funny at this point, you guys can steal some dress and nobody would notice like ?!?!?! You guys have warm hearts but some of u guys are unstable sometimes 😭. (My mom has a pisces moon) you guys moods change very fasttt like you guys can be mad at someone and then 5 seconds later ur like 😃. Your relationship with ur father or mother might not be the best srry. YOU GUYS ARE SO CREATIVE THOOO AND INTELLIGENT LIKE U MAY NOT SEEM LIKE U ARE BUT IN REALITY U RLLY ARE YOU JS HIDE IT!! I love you guys so much but I can’t handle you guys sometimes..😰

(I sound so aggressive in most of these but ya😊)

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marsbotz · 10 months

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hello I keep seeing u talk ab loving skybound but I'm curious as to why u love it, and would LOVE to read a super in-depth explanation bc im kinda a skybound notliker and ik uve changed my mind on certain thigns ab this show b4, and I was hoping u cld do it again !!! :DDD /gen

YEAH. OKAY !!! sorry this is super long and rambly i already had to rewrite it once cus tumblr ate it lol... and also sorry its all basically abt jay (running away embarrassed)

first of all let me say i do think skybound is a BAD season. having the characters suddenly all be sexist out of nowhere to drive plot is stupidddd and so is having a retcon ending that makes it all redundant except for Jaya Canon Now. i think thats mostly what makes the fandom not like it. BUT. i think its sooo interesting for like so many reasons also

i think s8 is considered the darkest season which is fair. but skybound also has a crazyyy amount of dark and DEEPLY interesting things it touches on. the ninja disappearing one by one. jays birth father being his favourite actor. jay torture. jaya actually being interesting!! lets talk abt these.

having the ninja slowly be cut out of the season is GREAT for not only building tension but also being able to more deeply build upon jay and nyas characters (and their relationship). the 22 min format means that some characters (like wu and kai) are gone for AGES. which is sad for kai fans but greatttt for the season. it rlly makes u feel their absence, and some of their disappearances are scary!! zane trying to outsmart nadakhan but realising too late hes been tricked... AHH!!!

if you compare this to how they did it in s12 its a lot more impactful as theres more time for the characters to... be gone. and the videogame nature rlly does take away a lot of the tension IMO. if jays mothers had been in prime empire like planned.... it would have been a GREAT parallel i think but as it is its just kind of odd. thats another convo tho lol (altho there issss the mention of jay being adopted at the end. very interesting [it goes nowhere])

i literally think abt jay adoption arc every god damn day of my life. ill try to explain this without getting too deep into my personal sicko hcs lol. first you get a rlly nice callback to s1 w jay being ashamed of his parents and living in a junkyard only to realise how litte he cares once theyre threatened. thennn you have the whole situation at cliffs house. jay finds out the man who abandoned him at birth (possibly? we dont know details) is the actor for fritz donnegan. the same character who jay imitated and aspired to be like. and then he realises his father felt the same admiration towards jay!! and they both never knew!!!

i think this twist is what makes a lot of jays behaviour in s6.... not excusable... but understandable. jay is shown to be insecure and have weird fucking ways of coping with this (lying. lying lying all the time) and so it kinda feels natural that his way of coping with this information would be to 1. hide the fact he made wishes 2. try to imitate his father through his book and 3. Never Speak Of This Again.

speaking of that lets talk about jay being tortured. can we talk about that?? they FUCKED him up. but the most important part out of allll of it is a character trait i rarely see ppl attribute to jay even though its like... pretty consistent for him. is his willpower!! hes able to endure days of torture to the point where he can barely walk and talk at the end of it just to stop nadakhan from gaining more power

nadakhan also directly points out jays insecurities and how they make him lie to his friends... and jays able to show some of his smarts thru trying to get flintlocke to stage a mutiny! honestly the whole episode is so damn interesting it makes me SEETHE its not more talked abt LOL

i wont get into my insanely complex jaya opinions rn but i will say s6 has one of the most interesting depictions of the ship to me. nya being reluctant to date jay due to being seen simply as his girlfriend is soooo interesting and fits well w her arc of not wanting to give up her own deal w sam x to become a ninja. its just a shame they had to retroactively make everyone misogynistic to do so lolol... and the ending w jays wish Potentially forcing them together is soooo odd and kinda goes what the rest of the season was setting up for them. THIS IS MAINLY why i think ppl hate this season. cus it sets up SOOO much cool stuff and then drops it all last second

i think the things that could have saved skybound from being so hated would be

1. do the same plotpoints w nya but dont drag the ninja AND DARETH into it ..... make them supportive of her!

2. makes jays final wish have some FUCKING consequence! you could do a LOT with how he worded it to twist it badly (im a nadakhan return truther for life)

3. not dropping every single intersting character trait ever. and also not dropping the GOD DAMN ADOPTION ARCCCCCC and also not revealing jay to be so crushingly insecure he physically cannot stop himself from lying to ppl and putting on a happy mask and then turn him into a one note comic relief character. [becoming a soulless husk]

LOL i realise this sounds now like i hate skybound I DONT i just think its very flawed. BUT thats whyyyy i love it... because its so interesting! its flawed in a way like "there is soooo much i cld do w this" and not like "i dont care about any of this its so bad". w ninjago my fav parts have always been the weird icky edgy parts that are almost too much for what it is... which is a childrens lego show. ik they cld never have done most of the interesting stuff i imagine coming out of skybound and thats ok! bc i get to think abt it evilly.

heres some assorted things i love and think are fun in skybound

kai and zane banter at the repo yard

ronin capturing the ninja!! specifically him shutting down zane from the inside is super scary and cool

NINJA IN PRISON!!!!! i almost threw up when they went to jail in crystallised its so fuckign fun. SKYBOUND 2!!!

zane playing chess against nadakahn. another scary zane moment

jay trusting only cole w the truth abt his wishes (HELL YES BROTHER)

clanceeeeee <3 him being like one sided friends w jay and standing up to nadakhan at the end of it all... wahhh

NINJA REPLACEMENTS. so fucking funny i love jay and his assortment of old guys And Skylor

everytime i watch it i cant stop thinking of this ytp and it makes me cry. its not even that funny i just have watched it like 50 times

its dungeon media. this is smth i made up and only i know abt . dont worry abt it but its true

ok my brain is mush HOPE THIS MAKES. some sort of sense . bascially trying to condense 6 years of Thoughts into coherent analysis is impossible for me LOL

#this post twisteed into smth dark and evil halfway thru sorry. i balcked out im not proofreading this shit #ninjago #asks #now someone ask me about s7.#ITS SO HARD DOING THESE cus i literally have a billion thoughts from over 6 yrs of stewing in my brain but its fun i love talking abt ninja #some day i will be able to make actual ninjago meta posts. but not today

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pidges-lost-robot · 10 months

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I see a lot of fanfic about the trope of the team meeting a planet of empaths but it's always just been in the pushing Keith and Lance's relationship way but like I want an episode where they go a planet of empaths who very much revere the concept of love and are in the middle of a holiday celebrating it and the team presumes its gonna be like a valentines thing but it turns out that the celebration of every kind of positive love and explores some of the Paladins dynamics as well as exploring what would happen if you put these space traumatised weirdos on a planet where they feel pressured to make a good impression full of citizens that can just read all of their feelings.

Like Shiro really struggling and trying to not seem like he's avoiding the people reading his emotions cause he's got such a complex about not putting those feelings onto anyone he doesn't have to. He tries to get around being read and has to come to terms with the idea that sometimes there just isn't a way to constantly protect others from the things about you that might be difficult to understand and that in certain situations you may even find yourself safe to just breathe and let that worry go for a while.

Pidge kind of coming to terms with the idea that yes she loves and misses her family after she's found them out in space but finding out from the empaths that she loves the paladins now similarly, she's come to kind of love the Paladins as her found family too and how this fits into place with her family, if it fits in. Many types of people can be important to you throughout your life and feeling guilty or like you're prioritising the love of some of them over others isn't worth the stress.

Hunk kind of worrying about how much of his worry is coming across to these people and trying to hide that he's anxious, thinking he play it off to them all as like jittery excitement and finding that to avoid it passing along, he has to actually deal with it and work on it. Anxiety is difficult to come to terms with but the best way to reduce it is to find ways you can manage it, you can build up that control.

Lance having to deal with when the planet is attacked whether they can feel what he's feeling when he's trying to protect them and being so used to hiding his darker feelings that he doesn't know what to do when they're just on display regardless of whether he wants them to be and worrying that it'll make them distrust him for feeling that way. Sometimes it's inevitable that you'll have darker thoughts, but they don't make up all you are, and having them does not make you scary or incapable of relating to others.

And yes some Keith having feelings for Lance and not knowing how to cope with it because to him it just feels so heavy and worrying to carry around in their situation and having one of the inhabitants reassure him that yes it can be heavy, but some times you can just enjoy love as a good feeling you can have about a good person and that if he wishes for right now, than that's all it has to be.

I also just love the idea that initially they're all like "yeah I mean it's not telepathy what harm could it do" but internally they're all shitting themselves with nerves

#voltron #vld #voltron: legendary defender #takashi shirogane #shiro #pidge holt #pidge #hunk garrett #hunk #lance #lance mcclain #keith #keith kogane #klance #my headcanons #missing voltron episodes

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codegeassfacts · 2 years

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Code Geass Bokura No hibis 1 & 2 // Novels // Non Canon

The Bokura No Hibi ("Our Days") are a set of novels that were published during the airing of Season 1 in the magazine Newtype; Those novels center about the daily life of the Ashford Student council and contains lots of fun and valuable moments; Even though as novels they aren't part of the canon, once again they make for some awesome headcanon, or fanfiction material.

Hope you enjoy.

Bokura No Hibi 1 : First period Hour (Set in between Stage 5/6)

Shirley: Oh what should I do, what should I do, what should I do? I saw something I shouldn't have! I want to think it's all a mistake, but... but... the atmosphere then, that's totally... no! It can't be!

Oh dear, oh dear oh dear oh dear...

Milly: What are you doing, Shirley?

Shirley: Ah-- Milly!?

Milly: Please stop pacing up and down the Student Council room with that brooding look on your face.

Shirley: Oh, right...

Milly: You look like a wounded bear prowling about a village it stumbled into. It's kind of scary, you know.

Shirley: ...I looked like that? Really?

Milly: Yeah. And while you're at it, stop rolling about on the floor and smashing your forehead against the wall, too. It really scares me.

Shirley: Eh!? I -- did all that!?

Milly: Hmm? Oh, that was a little ol' lie.

Shirley:Mi~ll~y!!

Milly: Ahahaha. So! What about Lelouch?

Shirley: Bingo!! --but I'd rather you stop being able to guess my thoughts like that. Actually... (explanation)

Milly: Hmm. Lelouch has been behaving as though he's dating someone of late. You saw Lelouch and Kallen ask each other out with a certain purpose in mind. You saw Lelouch and Kallen kissing in the courtyard. And so you're thinking, "Could it be that Lulu and Kallen are going out!?" I see.

Shirley: It pains me all the more to hear you summarize my worries in that indifferent manner, actually...

Milly: Alright, time for a proper 'So Sorry It's Over' party.

Shirley:I don't want one!

Milly: Oh, don't worry, it'll be fun. We'll say "Who cares about guys!? Who cares about guys!?" and so on and so forth while winding up the threads. You know, like this, guruguruguru. (winding gestures)

Shirley: But they might not actually be going out!

Milly: True. In that case, we'll just have to ask them. I think Kallen will probably tell you if you ask her.

Shirley: Eh!?

Milly: Or shall I ask her for you?

Shirley: No--!! Um, I'll do it!

Milly: You'll do it? Pity...

Shirley: Pity?

Milly: Say, is it alright if I hide somewhere and eavesdrop while you ask her?

Shirley:No.Please do no such thing.

((END))

~*~

Translation notes:

Kanou Shinta makes a mistake in this Bokura no Hibi: Shirley always refers to Milly as "Kaichou", and never calls her by her first name.

"You look like a wounded bear prowling about a village it stumbled into. It's kind of scary, you know."

"hitozato", translated as "village" here, actually means "human habitation", but the above is closer to what Milly means, IMO.

"Oh, don't worry, it'll be fun. We'll say "Who cares about guys!? Who needs them!?" and so on and so forth while winding up the threads. You know, like this, guruguruguru." (winding gestures)

- "kuda wo maku" (translated as "winding up the threads" here) is actually an idiomatic phrase meaning "to jabber incoherently when drunk", usually referring to the constant, repetitive complaints made after a drink too many.

Milly talks about it in the literal sense: "winding/rolling poles" --> "winding up the threads", which, as far as I've been able to make out, refers to how weavers have to wind the threads around poles, the repetitive motion of which eventually gave rise to its figurative meaning. I'm really no good at explaining this, so I hope that made sense.

"Guruguruguru" is the onomatopoeia for winding/rolling up something here, but can be used for anything that turns.

**************************************

Bokura no Hibi 2 : 2nd period Hour (post Stage 6)

Suzaku: Lelouch, wait up!

Lelouch: Hm? Anything wrong, Suzaku?

Suzaku: I've thought it over and I think the Student Council is a little beyond my reach...

Lelouch: Don't worry. Although it is the Student Council, it isn't all that different from the other clubs. It's fairly easygoing and there's only paperwork to deal with. I really think it'll be the least strain on you, considering you also have your military duties to deal with. ...Wait... I gave this very explanation to someone else just the other day...

Suzaku: I see... but...

Lelouch: Well, besides all that there's also the planning for the events, I suppose.

Suzaku: The School Festival?

Lelouch: Oh no, not quite. (grin) I mean Swimsuit-Classes Day, Absolutely-No-Talking Party, Gender Switch Festival, things like that.

Suzaku: EH ...... (speechless) ...What are those?

Lelouch: Kaichou forcefully implemented Swimsuit-Classes Day on the grounds that "the summers in Japan are much too hot". Air conditioners were switched off throughout the day and simple pools, palm trees, parasols and tropical drinks bars installed in the classrooms and halls instead. It was a big hit.

Suzaku: I-I see... And the Absolutely-No-Talking Party...?

Lelouch: You're absolutely not allowed to talk. You can't bring in writing utensils either.

Suzaku: It doesn't sound very... exciting.

Lelouch: Well, Kaichou was quite charged up about it, saying "This is what the Elevens call Zen!"

Suzaku: That's an extreme misunderstanding...

Lelouch: And the Gender Switch Festival is...

Suzaku: It has just occurred to me that it might be better not to ask.

Lelouch: All the girls dress up as guys; school uniform, suits, it doesn't matter. They then act like men to their best ability and escort their partners with the usual required theatrics.

Suzaku: And th-the guys...?

Lelouch: (fufufu) Do you want to hear about it?

Suzaku: Actually, no.

Lelouch: Those who look good dressed up as girls receive an incredible amount of attention. They're very much in demand. I think you'll probably fall under that category, too.

Suzaku: There is something not quite right with this Student Council...

Lelouch: Indeed. I can't help but think that the one coming up with all these ideas have a little too much something pent up inside...

Suzaku: Um, where do I hand in my letter of withdrawal?

Lelouch: Too late! You'll have to resign yourself to your fate now and stick with us till the end! The more members we have, the more toys for Kaichou, and individual suffering decreases!

Suzaku: Y-you were after this all along, weren't you, Lelouch!?

(To be Continued ...)

Translation by out Translation Queen, Celiss Galvea

#codegeass #code geass #original code geass #novels #headcanon #lelouch x suzaku #lelouch x shirley #milly ashford #shirley fenette #lelouch x kallen #kallen kozuki #lelouch lamperouge #lelouch vi britannia #suzaku kururugi #ashford student council #lelouch of the rebellion #コードギアス

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oscill4te · 9 months

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I have many personal thoughts about dissociatives like DXM, ket, weed and the theory of structural dissociation (PTSD/CPTSD/OSDD/DID) I am kind of not the brightest, and just posting from my experiences. I heard there is some recent criticism on the SD model and I am still here trting to learn about SD in an attempt to understand why I am the way I am..Im open to talking about this with someone if they also find interest in these topics. (Side note: Its not only DID or OSDD with early childhood trauma on the Structural dissociation spectrum. It can be the war veteran or abuse survivor with PTSD who has a fragment that relives the trauma when they see some that reminds them of it. Or someone with an abusive childhod who had CPTSD or BPD because of this. Anyone who struggles with trauma is on the structural dissociation spectrum. These parts are called EPs, emotional/unintergrated parts the traumatized brain hides so you can function. On the otherhand an ANP is the part of you who doesn't remember vivid details of trauma so you can go work or hang out with friends without remembering unprocessed traumatic events. I feel like dissociative drugs can mess this order up for those with trauma but simultaneously can open you up to parts that are hidden away from you)

Soo... back to the topic about use of drugs that cause dissociation... on one hand they can be a huge hinderance for someone on the structural dissociative spectrum. If you have not learned to ground yourself, an EP that is normally hidden or attempted to be dealt with in your daily life can suddenly come out and act out like you are in that dangerous situation again. For example, sober I can talk to family even if later, feelings may come up and ruin my week. I have a part of me who can deal with them. Sober, your brain knows how to arrange which parts of you present when (somewhat.)

On weed however, I can regress back to that schema/alter of a child who is you at age 5, scared that any word she say will get her in trouble, I will go mute around family and feel like everyone is a danger, the exact way I felt at 5. I believe dissociative substances can bring out alters (DID) or schemas in a PTSD, inner child (CPTSD) out ect.. veryyy easily. You dont even need a trigger to interact with parts on dissociatives. They will just come out like a barrier in your mind has been lifted. so you can see what I mean when I say dissociatives can be very hindering for someone on the SD spectrum. Even if trauma makes it seem irrational, your brain has an order meant to protect you. So if you hear a trigger that reminds you of a parental abuser you may regress to a freeze-part (what u did as a kid to stay safe) even if it makes no sense as an adult who now CAN protect themself. Disso drugs bringing out these parts or memories when you are not can be disastrous if you are depedent on dissos it just gets worse (for me at least)

But on the other hand, if you have worked with your dissociated parts (this may be an alter, a schema, inner child or IFS part for some) on grounding; then you can actually recuperate when a scary part/alter/schema comes up. I think drugs after trauma work can br very healing if you have learned how to somatically feel safe or help the triggered parts of you when you do come into contact with something that makes them come out. I am high and feeling things I am normally not allowed to feel. Its not just "bad/trauma" parts that weed brings out. It also can bring back the calm state of you that you never feel due to hyperviligance. Wise parts of you, parts who you admire because they are courageous and brave and you wish you always felt that way, parts who are calm, good in social settings, ect

ironically an edible rn as this would never really feel okay to talk about when sober. You see what I mean? Your brain tries to shield you from certain parts but when your high it can happen at any moment any time, the brain needs no reason when your high. The floodgates of repressed thoughts dreams and memories all come pouring out its so disastrous and it gets bad if you get dependent on it it feels like shit yet its the closest you can get to feeling things again

#iw july #txt #drug cw #edible thots #abuse cw

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hollyhomburg · 1 year

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When he laughed in her face after basically implying she was a gold digger😰 it was arousing and hot but also scary and condescending and super sad cuz like she desperately needed yoongi’s brother dead and he was laughing in her face😰, douche bag hit man jimin has me feeling so much confusion like I wanna hate him but also he didn’t kno & was jealous about Yoongi but also he didn’t have to be like that🙁 most of all I feel so so bad for mc now we kno why she was so scared when they “first” met, she was probably so so scared and unsure on how how to feel about him when she saw him at the door she was probably thinking did someone send a hit on me,, is my part coming to haunt me,, is this my punishment for finally defending myself and putting myself first but then it was also like but this is yoongi’s lover and she had to put the pieces together that they don’t kno about his double life and then hide it and not address it to anyone not even with jimin for months ????? Like Ik she must have so many questions but she respects jimin’s choice to not share,, how could her and jimin just avoid this elephant in the room for so long like holy shiiiiiot ,, I FEEL SO DUMV FIR NOT NOTICJNG BUT ALSO I LIKD THE GENUINE SHOCK ELEMENT OF IT ALL WUT A PLOT TWIST

i love how everyone's going back and being like "the beginning!!! the emotion!!!" because thats exactly what i wanted when i was writing the beginning- for everything to have like extra layer back. i want bily to be a story that you can re-read and realize you missed certain things that were really hints!

this might be a controversial opinion but i think there was a moment where she probably...thought that yoongi might have taken the hit out on her. like- her brains all fucked up in general but- seeing him there with yoongi she probably had a moment where she was like "oh 🥺 he doesn't want to deal with me anymore" which is SO fucked up to think about since we know how much yoongi loves her but! i digress

the thing about the "why didn't they say anything to each other for litterally months" thing is that they both were entirely unsure if the other one was the person in the bar like- imagine if jimin was just a normal dude and the m/c had gone up to him and been like "hey remember when i tried to hire you to murder my husband for me?" and jimin was just jimin 😂

i honestly don't know if bily is better as a story that like you know all the suprises before hand or if its better to be suprised by it's events! but thank you for enjoying it so much <3

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sunny6677 · 10 months

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AU TIMEEEE

Title: Stellian Survival.

An au inspired by Detroit Become Human

TWS: DISCRIMINATION, CULT MENTIONS, SACRIFICE MENTIONS, SUPRESSING ONES EMOTIONS, PRETTY FUCKED UP SHIT, ABUSE MENTIONS, INJURY IMAGERY, SCAR IMAGERY.

Summary: Basically, in the year of 2019, the cult emerged and began to try and sacrifice people in the town to Eyes. But understandably that didn't go well, and police forces began to try and fight them. But then some cyan blast suddenly occurred that either killed or knocked out most within its radius, and both Skid's dad and Eyes mysteriously vanished. But those who had survived the blast became a certain type of person that was then dubbed a 'Stellian'. Stellians are basically humans who survived the blast, and due to that, they have very unnatural and almost perfect abilities. Such as a very high intelligence and observation level, a high agility level, etc. And while this seemed a little cool and strange when Stellians began to emerge, people who weren't Stellians began to grow paranoid of them. They feared that they'd use their abilities against them, or that they'd take over the world. And as stupid as it was, they began to discriminate against them. So the government, in order to shut people up, placed laws against Stellians that would prevent them from harming humans or even holding any sort of weapon unless required to, basically not allowing them to even defend themselves. But as the year of 2032 comes, and several cases of Stellians fighting back despite the laws begin to emerge, chaos begins to swirl.

Now, here are the three main people of the story.

Skid: Skid developed a high intelligence and observation level whenever the blast occurred, but his mother didn't survive it. When the blast happened, he felt as if without his mother, he was basically gonna be in survival mode for the rest of his life. And so.. he kinda began to be that way for the rest of his life afterwards. He began to believe the only meaning of life was to survive and to accomplish things so one wouldn't die too early without achieving any of what they wanted. Skid became apart of the police force, and soon became a sort of interrogater/investigator. Most of the people in the police force don't like Skid since he's a Stellian, but they can't really do much about it considering he's in a higher authority position than they are. Skid is cold, calm, calculated and emotionless most of the time. He tends to hide his emotions as not to show signs of weakness, for he fears people hurting him if he does. He is also weirdly agile for whatever reason. But he also tends to not to be able to read social cues too well sometimes. He also doesn't even bother using his real name anymore, and now he just acts like his actual name is 'Skid' despite many people knowing that it's something else, for his real name brings him bad memories. Skid also doesn't even talk to Pump anymore, considering they kinda fell out of touch after a bit.

Susie: Susie is a caretaker/housekeeper who is also a Stellian. She got her scar and became half-blind from an injury that she herself doesn't remember. She also works for this rich family, and has a sort of motherly attachment to the one kid of the said family. Susie is determined, but she is also kind of distrustful and is kinda easy to soften up whenever it comes to people she thinks are nice. She can also be very fucking strong when it comes to people she cares about, and it's kinds scary tbh. She and Pump still talk, but not as much as they used to considering they both have lives that they're busy with.

Pump: Pump is a caretaker at a nursing home. He makes a decent amount of money, but he is payed less and is treated like shit due to being a Stellian. Pump deeply misses Skid, and is actively trying to get back into contact with him, but he doesn't know how. Due to being a Stellian, Pump is very agile and observant, but he also tends to back down easily. He also has slight anger issues, which makes him very intimidating when he actually engages in physical combat. But he doesn't think most of the time and tends to just aim and aim until he hurts someone enough to knock them out, so this tends to be a fatal flaw in most of his fights. He let's his emotions take control way too easily.

Now for the storyline. I don't actually have one for this au yet, but I do have a decent idea of how it might go for each character.

For example, Skid could be trying to figure out the mysteries of the cult that is still ongoing and has been plaguing his mind ever since he figured out his dad was the leader of it, but it leads to him finding out a lot more information than he wants to. It could lead to some character development for him though, for he might begin to finally learn not to suppress his emotions if something were to happen(like maybe him reuniting with Pump or something finally during a case).

Susie could discover that the child of the family she works for is being abused in a lot of horrible ways by the grandfather of the family, and could end up killing said grandfather by accident. It could lead to her either escaping with the child in order for the child not to be put in danger anymore, for most of said child's other family was also abusive anyway. Or it could lead to her trying to care for said child the best she could despite how the world thinks of her as a Stellian.

Something could end up happening in Pump's work that leads to him slowly beginning to become determined enough to want to figure out the mystery of what happened with the cult whenever the blast occurred. And he could also be trying to find Skid the entire time for the rest of the story until he eventually does find him.

Overall, this is all I got for the story so far, but I think I got it down good enough.

#spooky month #skid spooky month #skid and pump #pump spooky month #pump and skid #susie spooky month #stellian survival #read the tws

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dropintomanga · 2 years

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Finding Positivity in Death Via Anime and Manga

Recently, my mother and I had a conversation about a topic a lot of Westerners don’t talk about - death. My mom discussed how she wanted to die (being in a coffin or have her body burnt in ashes). She also wanted to make sure her potential grave site was somewhere close by near where my sister and I could visit. My mom then asked my sister about her husband’s mother and whether she knew anything about good graveyards. My sister gave this hesitant answer by saying her mother-in-law doesn’t know. I then told my mom that it’s not a good idea to ask an American about death (my brother-in-law and his mom are both white). I explained that Americans have this taboo about discussing death.

That conversation made me think about anime and manga because some of its most popular series do use death to drive certain story points home. The series have no problem discussing it in ways that teach people the value of living as best they can with the life they still have.

I think about series like BLEACH, Black Butler, Death Note and their focus on “shinigami” (the death gods). Shinigami are beings that make judgments on the dead. But I remember the first anime/manga series where death was a big topic was Dragon Ball Z. Many characters die throughout the series. Those that die have to visit Enma to determine whether they got to heaven or hell. Some do come back to life (mostly the notable characters). Later on, I found out about harakiri and seppuku thanks to samurai-themed series.

What I got from watching/reading so much anime and manga was that many characters were willing to accept death when it came to them. Some anti-hero characters who felt guilty for past crimes didn’t mind sacrificing their lives if need be. Of course, some of those characters didn’t die at all. I found that Naruto and One Piece use death quite a bit to create some very powerful and memorable moments.

I did find out that there’s a “death positivity” movement happening in mental health in the past few years. People want to start conversations on how to talk about it. What is scary about death is that the topic tends to unlock certain thoughts and feelings that people want to hide. Maybe the most glaring thought being that we all eventually die one day. I read that there’s a “coffin club” where many people are gathered to build coffins for the dead. It sounds morbid, but what I heard that the people who do join the club have a really great time and formed meaningful relationships with one another.

If it’s hard to think about literal death of a person, think about the “death” of important relationships you once had. I’ve been honest about the “death” of such a relationship in my life and I felt like this was it for me. But over time, that “death” taught me what it means to not hate myself, be more responsible, and that I can find new people in my life if I open my mind a bit more to things. More importantly, the grief I felt taught me to embrace my core values of what I want in life. I’m still sad from time to time, but I can proudly admit that I can live just fine without that person in my life. There was a bright side, so to speak.

What I want to do right now is compile a list of notable deaths (that aren’t shock value) in anime and manga that deliver not just sadness, but a sense of connection and resilience. I want to create a page just dedicated to how those deaths motivated fans in positive ways, so message me.

If anything, I just want to say that acknowledging death is a way to celebrate the life we all have, work towards what you want with effort and feel truly connected with those you love. If that isn’t shonen-esque levels of motivation, then I don’t know what is.

#death #anime #manga #grief #mental health #psychology #pop culture

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seasideretreat · 9 months

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The inscrutable world

I am predisposed to think that this entire world is incomprehensible. Nonetheless, good things can come from thinking. We can discover weird truths and unravel secrets that hide in the continuity of pure existence, and this is a wise and prudent activity.

Life is hard. We can become aware of certain truths through reflection, and this allows us to grow wiser and more strong, but there's a lot of nonsense in this world that we have yet to uncover; everything is difficult, we don't know the world the way it is; or do we? I don't know.

Philosophy is not as private as people think. I feel much better when I philosophize while writing. Writing is a beautiful art, and philosophy is ideal for writing. I don't know.

Nothingness is scary. I have always thought so. However, what is being? What is reality? The thing is that we can do many things. The world is full of mysteries. I apologize for rambling, but I ain't got anything more philosophical to say. They say time is an illusion. I do get a feeling that everything is here, all at once. Darn it, I ain't got nothing to say.

Here's a thought: maybe this is a historical moment. We did something. My memory is a fascinating place. But when I think back on it, there ain't nothing there. It was a false hope. I will ramble some more. Things happen. I don't know. The world is strange. I don't know. Everything we know is weird. I don't know. I don't know anything, I just do things, but it is pointless and crazy, but maybe that don't matter at all.

This text is not long enough. Maybe I should stop trying to be exclusively philosophical and instead opt for a more laid back and conversational style. I love to talk, as any man does, and it is truly amazing to just talk and discover things about the world at the same time: for it is truly when we talk, that we discover how little we know, and at the same time how wise we already are: talking is truly transcendental; but our ideas are difficult to understand, and often we tend to veer into speculations that have nothing to do with refined and gentlemanly tastes, and the world becomes a limited and crazy thing that has nothing to do with anything; in fact, I intended to write a gentlemanly and refined book in my free time as opposed to my blogging time, which feels an awful lot like work, but I just do it to pass the time I suppose. Frankly, I spend a lot of time just staring out into the distance, which is bad, but I ain't got nothing to do and life is just passing by so fast; which can be considered consoling, I suppose, when we realize that we can just die and lose nothing, but I enjoy thinking and reading and watching television and even work has its nice sides; I enjoy drinking coffee, as many people do, and I enjoy gaming sometimes even, but right now I am writing and that's perhaps better than gaming, although I don't see it, it really doesn't matter. Anyway we discovered something: a blog can be an all right place for prolixitous speculations as well as philosophical musing. But the thing is, now I feel like it has to go on forever which would be stupid.

I'll just end with more musing then, to make it succinct. Life is truly amazing, but we must get through a lot of hard moment through meaningful reflection, and this is the essence of philosophy, perhaps, if only because we do what we can.

#prolix #diary #philosophy

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lianewark · 1 year

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1. The friends you have at the beginning of the year can completely change by the end of it. People change, and if they aren’t improving your life in some way, it’s okay to drop them.

2. Take many pictures. Don’t let it take over your life, though. You don’t want to look back and see that you only captured your memories with your camera lens and not within your mind and heart.

3. Find your safe place. Whether it be in the arms of a certain person or on the balcony of Barnes and Nobles with a cup of soup, find it and don’t let it go. You can have more than one safe place.

4. Be nice to everyone. You honestly don’t know what skeletons people are hiding in their closets. Everyone has their skeleton. Every person on this earth has something in their life or past worth collapsing on the ground in uncontrollable sobs over.

5. Reading is so important. Highlight the things that you read that you find intriguing. Read a lot, it can only do good things for you.

6. Writing always helps.

7. The girl with anxiety has the deepest thoughts. The autistic boy has the kindest heart, and the schizophrenic has the ability to put a smile on your face in seconds. Do not judge character based on a mental illness.

8. Music has an indescribable ability to connect and heal. Let it do its thing.

9. Her prettiness doesn’t make your prettiness any less pretty.

10. Getting close and letting someone in is scary as hell. You know what else it is? Worth it.

11. The minute you feel your happiness being dictated by someone else, take a break from them.

12. Adventuring is a must. Sunsets always help the soul, showing that endings can be as beautiful as beginnings.

13. Spend more time with your parents doing things they enjoy. Later in life, you’ll be wishing you’d spent more time with them than on your Netflix account.

14. Home is not always a place, but whatever you love with your whole heart. I have many homes, and it’s okay if one home doesn’t feel like home anymore.

15. Making someone smile and feel genuinely happy has the ability to warm your heart from the inside out. No matter how much pain someone is going through, you made them forget about it for a few seconds. Isn’t that something?

16. Feel everything and let it hurt, but don’t go back to what broke you.

17. Don’t let fear hold you back from what you want. The view from the other side is spectacular.

18. Tell people how you feel. Even if you’re scared it’ll burn your life to the ground. You say it loud.

19. You find the most extraordinary things in the most ordinary places.

20. Swollen lips and sweaty “I want you’s” can make you feel again, but I don’t want to feel anything if it means having to sit there feeling like the wind is constantly being knocked out of me when he stops calling back.

21. Sometimes the way you think of someone isn’t the way they actually are.

22. Never underestimate the amount of joy the holiday season can bring you. Try and find ways to feel that way all year long.

23. Timing is never going to be perfect; if you care about something enough, you’ll make the time. It’s all about priorities.

24. If women used their words to build each other up instead of tearing each other down, our world would change drastically.

25. Recovery can take 2 weeks or 5 years. You aren’t any less of a person if it takes you longer to find a way to let go of what’s hurting your heart.

26. You only need yourself, but having people by your side trying to understand means a lot more than you might think.

27. You find your truest friends in your darkest hours.

28. You can feel the whole world in a month and nothing after 2 years. Time does not define love.

29. Always say yes to dessert.

30. Concerts make life worth living. So does yelling your favorite song along with your best friend in the car with your best friend with hands intertwined. These are things that show you that you don’t need to be on drugs to feel invincible.

31. So does kissing.

”

— emmuuhhhhh, 31 Things I’ve Learned Coming Into 2016

#life #tips #about living #love #home #music #feelings

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freeeaglebasement · 1 year

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Dating And Love - How They Are The Same

If your dating app has features like photo verification, hiding profile, two-factor authentication, etc. that can ensure the privacy and security of the users, it will put users at ease about the dating experience. נערות ליווי בהרצליה VIP Escort Many men from different continents dream of finding foreign brides, and there are many reasons for this-they are exotic, gorgeous, and every girl is so different that every man can find exactly what he wants. Even when what you prefer may not necessarily be what is best for you at a specific point in your life, there is a certain sense of comfort that one feels when choosing what they already know as opposed to trying something new. When we decide who to date, we have specific criteria or checklist of traits in mind we hope that the persons possess. I'll have to meet him before I can answer that. While some people go for the bad boys/ girls, others go for sweet and caring, and others go for adventurous types who can take them on the ride of their life. If it were a bad reaction, I might pay attention.

I don't think it's good to project things that might not happen. And I’m going to use my site as a canonical example of how one could use a site and do these things. I plan to use all of them. We use Facebook Pixel to understand and make our marketing efforts more efficient. It comes in handy, of course, when she travels to France, but she will use the language when she hosts guests at the palace from that region. It is, of course, possible to adopt IndieWeb standards or tools without otherwise engaging with the IndieWeb community, but the abundance of IndieWeb events and meetups, as well as its active online discussion spaces, demonstrate that discussions with IndieWeb contributors are near ubiquitous. But I was also wrong, as well. The scary reality is that we can find an answer somewhere to justify what we want to do - right or wrong, safe or unsafe, wise or unwise. Dating as a mature person can be exciting and intimidating. You should also know when to call it quits, how to set a boundary and stick to it, and how to be respectful and kind even if you think this isn't the person for you.

I wouldn't mind, as long as they've changed as a person. After emission, it quickly picks up two electrons to balance the two protons, and becomes an electrically neutral helium-4 (He4) atom. When these minerals are in the ground, electrons from radioactive elements get trapped in the defects of their crystalline structures. I'm just trying to get through the day. • You get your love with your choice of partner and it’s the best way we want our members to be close to each other. I only blab when I want to make someone jealous. I don’t inquire because I’m needy or want to put you on the spot, but because I’m learning to like the woman I am, too. If the woman wore the gloves to church on Sunday it signaled her acceptance of the proposal. In some years the Orthodox Easter Sunday occurs on the same day as the Western Easter Sunday.

“I would say there are double the number in the Bay Area alone from five years ago,” he added. There are three principal techniques used to measure carbon 14 content of any given sample- gas proportional counting, liquid scintillation counting, and accelerator mass spectrometry. There are tons of types of guys in the sea, and you know what you like. Security: Dating apps and websites are great - but like everything else online, you have to be careful. I would have to try to understand my pet's problem. I'll have to do that. You have a brand new chance to attract the kind of guy you've been dreaming about. Will he be the kind you are familiar with, or will he be something brand new? Are you in for a brand new adventure, or are you going to find something as comfortable as dating your best male friend? My best friend just went through a tough break up.

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iamloveandlightsworld · 1 year

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I am crumbling day by day

It's becoming hard to choose my masks

They are cracking up and the paint is chipping away

I guess the cheap materials were bound to unravel one way or another

Did I really expect the cheap materials that are my emotions would hold up for a long time

I found ways to maintain these masks through vices

Vices that open up my mind and help me deal with the negative thoughts

What is so appealing about being alive

What is so appealing being part of the crowd

A crowd full of masked people

People who you can't trust

People who can't see you

People who only want to harvest and drain you bare only to toss you aside for new shinier materials to build themselves

Lately I despise humans

I despise them so much like they owe me shit

Isn't it hilarious,

Being born alone,dying alone but you need people to be alive

You need to be accepted by a certain group of people to be human

I think of death everyday

Death is scary in so many ways

But the major red sign is the unknown

No one knows what the hell goes on when one's soul leaves their physical body

Is there even such a thing as a soul

How can it be proved that we have souls that leave the body when you "die"

Why was I forced to exist

I sincerely want to evaporate and dissappear forever

Never to be subjected to anything

Is there an office I can sign up on to just dissappear

Or will I be presented with so many choices

Is life after death going to be an adventure or will it be the worst fucking decision I've ever made

Will I be subjected to more pain

More despair

More anger

More disgust

More loneliness

Or will I be able to experience euphoria, love, peace,happiness,quiet,harmony,compassio,equality

Will I be able to lie down and not be plagued with any responsibility

I fucking hate it here

I really want to dissappear

At the same time I want to atleast experience the world before trying my luck out there...in the unknown

Is life on earth my best bet to experience a semblance of peaceful bliss

But thats just a load of BS

Humans are the worst

Why I'm I so bitter and angry

Why do I hate being alive so much

I want out

I want out and not to exist anymore

It's very tempting to experience what the universe has to offer but I bet its all a painful and traumatic experience with no break whatsoever

Did I have to grow up so fast

Will I end up burning in hell for an eternity

Will God have Mercy on me and take me in like a stray cat

I promise to be a good pet

Just strip away my conscious and intelligence

Fuck....Do you know how hard it is to pretend you're getting enough air when I can barely breathe

I seriously can't breathe...ofcourse it's all metaphorical

I can't even cry

How can you have time to cry when you're desperately trying to pump some air in your lungs

God how pathetic can I get

Why do you think you're so tragic

You were blessed with an amazing family

You have never lacked in anything

You've got some decent friends who you barely talk to because I mean what is there to talk about

Imagine telling someone everyday you want to dissappear

You're chipping away their lives and they will grow yo despise you...so what is the point of opening up

As I began writing this, I wanted it to be poetic but I guess I'm just a fraud

Look at you here being the disgusting human youve always been and try hiding it

You have no remorse for people who love you

You're so freaking selfish thinking you're the tragic highlight who deserves the attention

What is it that I crave?

If by some miracle I can attain anything I want in this life as my last wish

What do you think I'd choose?

I'll leave a clue

It can be a fun game to remember me by

Why is it when you're alive people pretend to care but they don't make any effort to see you

But when you finally give in and gamble with the unknown mystery that is death

It becomes about them

They become broken

They are left asking the question why

They are left asking why you never communicated and seeked help

They are left traumatised

I guess I truly am insane

Is it fair to want the people who I once gave my life to suffer like me ...no...it's not fair at all

Dead Rose🥀

#mental health #mentally drained #exhausted af

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electrivolt · 2 years

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@rockheadcd asked : He's always been the more frequent when it came to physical contact, or at least of this variety. He'd consider it intimacy, given Volkner had to have trusted him significantly to even allow him to do this essentially unprovoked. Of course, there's simply certain things ( or lack thereof ) that don't escape his attention. Roark's paid attention to his tells and it's either endearing or it's obsessive, and he can't deny the accusation of either—it's just necessary, and.. well, is it weird to learn how somebody worked? It shouldn't have been, right?

Roark doesn't particularly have any explanation for the urge that overwhelms his hands as he so deliberately crawls one of them under Volkner's shirt, fingertips brushing along still soft skin ( it's maybe a benefit of being a shut-in ), running them over his ribs. Anyone was bound to feel a little self-conscious about themselves once in awhile, but with all of the context Roark has, it's not as simple as that.

A pause. Then, he carefully does it again, tuscan appearing as if they're deliberating, evaluating the haptic feedback. The tips of his fingers dips slightly between his ribs ( ah.. ), and Roark's expression soon softens considerably, opting to bring his hand to the very bottom rung, hand conforming to a delicate curve and gently rubs his thumb against bone.

He knows, Volkner. There's no reason to hide.

"It's been a rough couple of weeks, hasn't it?" he offers softly, but his voice holds no accusation, no disappointment. It's simply an observation, even if it's an observation he wants to help ease with whatever power he has. "I'll stay tonight. How's that sound?" It's his way of saying he's here for Volkner to offload some of that gunk that inevitably builds., to remind him that he's still got a body to take care of and he doesn't have to do it alone—to put a little sunlight behind the clouds. It's the you may be upset with yourself, but I'm certainly not, so please don't worry.

There was that telltale moment stiffening under touch to say enough on its own already. Yet Volkner doesn’t really move, doesn’t push Roark away or try to take his hands off— doesn’t do anything, really, only lets Roark’s fingers wander and find exactly what he was looking for, what they both knew already would be there. It’s that hesitant yet steady trust he doesn’t really manage to ever bury or let go of entirely, pushing through the doubts that constantly haunt him and plague his mind just to reach for what Roark has to offer.

Funny, how he’s never cared enough to worry about what could be seen of himself until Roark made his way back into his life.

“... Something... something like that, I guess.” The words escape him caught in a soft sigh before he can really think of it, and it’s almost scary just how easily he can get him to admit to such things he would’ve rather be killed over than ever say out loud to anyone else before. It’s scary, and yet Volkner still finds it in him to embrace it, to walk into that sliver of fear that comes with trusting someone with all you have after a lifetime of betrayal and hurt and everything in between, over and over— and to walk into it so willingly and openly, with so little hesitation when it’s such a trust fall, when the slightest mistake or misplaced faith could be his undoing once and for all... well, he did always claim to like putting himself into danger, hasn’t he?

( except he does know, by now, after so many highs and lows and over a year of hell scattered through time— there is no danger in trusting roark, in loving him and letting himself be loved. for once, he can do that and not fear the fall when there will be none. he can be sure of that this time. )

It almost comes out just as instinctively, the immediate denial at Roark’s offer, the thought alone that he’s going to burden him now, that he will be no more than a bother and deadweight and Roark should be doing something else, should be keeping to himself when he can do so much better and be so much happier— somehow, he does put a stop to it all by himself, even when it’s mostly through shoving those thoughts right back into that corner of his mind they crawled out of, reminding himself over and over in his own silence that Roark would never think that, that he would’ve left long ago if he really thought this wasn’t worth it. There had to be something good there, if he still stayed through all this and more, right?

“That... I think I would like that.” It’s finally seeing the sun after so long trapped in his own storm, the warmth of sunlight in his smile and eyes that he so desperately needed. He needed him and his love and care so much more than he could ever lie to himself.

Volkner needed him now, and he was too busy thinking in all hsi exhaustion of how much he loved him to even think of how undeserving he was of this.

( and maybe it was alright, to love and be loved like this, right...? )

#〔 ask . 〕 ϟ i will not fall ; i will not fade ; i will take your breath away .#〔 ic . 〕 ϟ i will shut the world away .#rockheadcd #// hey. hey. hey.#perish

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