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Cool Life Reminders from Akane-banashi

I sometimes struggle with two things - dwelling on the past a bit too much and wondering if I'm cool enough for my friends.

After reading the Futatsume Debut arc in Akane-banashi, I started to feel a little different about my struggles. Especially after seeing the following scenes in Chapters 96 and 97 of the manga.

The initial premise of the series involved Akane Arakawa's father, Shinta Arakara, being expelled from the rakugo scene. He ends up being a regular salesman, but is moving forward. That's the most important thing. It's okay if you feel like you can't move on from bad stuff that happened. But definitely take steps to go forward. They don't have to be big ones as long as you do it.

Plus I feel like we tend to overvalue super-bad experiences involving other people especially if we're on the receiving end of them. We think that life as we know it is over. But you know what, those experiences tend to help us grow and learn. They also make you more resilient than you think.

Life situations changing dramatically doesn't mean it will turn out bad. They can go in either direction, but I like to think that we got this somehow. I've always felt that I couldn't move forward from certain experiences, but here I am enjoying life for what it's worth still.

The scene featuring Akane and her friends is relatable. I do believe that we get anxious over how we truly fit in with others in the world. We want people to like us, but we're afraid to show our vulnerabilities. Sometimes, we are a bit much. Akane is the definition of someone who can be a bit much. I know I act like her at times. It's okay though. Akane's friends are telling her that she's already enough. That's because Akane is so comfortable in her own skin that she should just be herself during rakugo.

Sometimes, being ourselves can drive other people away. But it definitely attracts other people who will genuinely appreciate you. As I said earlier, it goes both ways. I continue to learn this as I continue to meet new people in my life.

And if you're going to be moving forward while being more natural, definitely do it with a smile. That's what will make you look really cool and take on life's challenges.

#Akane-banashi #manga #mental health #inspiration #life #Akane Arakawa #Shinta Arakawa #self-reflection #anxiety #depression

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Initial D - The First Stage to the Overall Magic of Anime and Manga

Seeing this display at my local Kinokuniya Bookstore branch made my day and got me reminiscing.

In the early 2000s', I was still in my phase of consuming everything Dragon Ball. I followed Dragon Ball GT at the time and knew it ended around 1997. Since simulcast streaming wasn't a thing, I had to rely on Chinese-dubbed VHS tapes to rent for all the episodes.

When watching one of the final episodes of Dragon Ball GT on a tape I got, there was a trailer (which was actually the opening) for another anime that played before the episode. It wasn't for a Shonen Jump series and I heard some really cool-sounding techno music.

That opening began my journey into a series that highlighted what anime and manga was really like outside of American marketing - Shuichi Shigeno's Initial D.

For those who don't know, Initial D is about a young man named Takumi Fujiwara who gets himself involved in the mountain street racing scene. He drives a car that isn't suitable for street racing, the Toyota AE86 Sprinter Trueno. The car lacks horsepower and speed, but Takumi is able to utilize amazing drift techniques to make up for it. While reluctant at first, Takumi gets pulled into a race when a street racing team called the Akagi Red Suns challenges Takumi's local team. Takumi beats one of the Red Suns' top members and he slowly becomes a legend as he encounters more street racers who want to challenge him. The manga lasted 49 volumes, had 6 anime seasons in 16 years, and a Hong Kong live-action movie adaptation of the manga (which I appreciated as a Cantonese speaker) was made in 2005. The series also inspired a good amount of people all over the world to get into Japanese cars due to every car featured in the series existing in real life. It did not hurt that fans loved the Eurobeat music that played in races throughout the anime.

As you can see from the photo I took, Kodansha USA decided to re-release the entire Initial D manga in a 2-in-1 omnibus print format for a newer generation as the original English manga release by Tokyopop in the mid-2000s' left a lot to be desired for translation reasons.

After watching the OP teaser in that one tape of a DBGT episode, I decided to watch all of the First Stage season of Initial D in Cantonese Chinese on VHS. I became hooked. I absolutely loved the music. I appreciated how analytical some of the characters were. Even though I didn't understand a lot of the conversations being had due to my Cantonese not being good enough to talk about vehicle intricacies, I had the help of Initial D fansites to summarize things. I became obsessed when the manga was ongoing at the time to see who Takumi was facing. Fansites helped to bridge the gap.

Speaking of fan-related material, I learned about yaoi/boys' love through Initial D. I saw many fanfiction sites about the relationships between the major male characters. In a sense, I got to see why sports-like series appealed to female fans way before the current sports series boom we have now.

Initial D also helped me get close with my dad. He actually watched the anime with me. During the years when I was so depressed, my dad always spent time with me. We played a lot of basketball, talk sports, and watched Initial D together. It helped that he was into car culture, so he helped explain a few things to me about certain cars.

One more thing Initial D did was that it got me to go to my very first anime convention in 2003. It was the Big Apple Anime Fest and the Third Stage movie was screened. While I watched the Third Stage movie before, it wasn't dubbed in Cantonese. This time, I got to see the full film with English subtitles. I stayed for the 7:30pm screening and was excited with so many fans around me. The convention was also where I finally got to connect with a friend who lived in the same area as me. I still talk to and hang out with them today.

While Dragon Ball got me into anime in the first place, it was Initial D that got me to expand my worldview about anime and manga. The series gave me a glimpse of the other anime/manga communities out there. I got a first glimpse into series that weren't mainstream yet loved by passionate fans.

When both the Initial D manga and anime ended in the 2010s', my anime/manga interests were in a different place. But I still enjoyed Final Stage when it came out because I got to see Takumi grow immensely over time and the payoff was good. The final battle felt like two very similar individuals trying to impose their superiority over one another. It was a perfect way to end Takumi's story, given that almost all of his opponents were different from him.

I know Initial D isn't talked about as much as Dragon Ball or Sailor Moon in terms of impacting people's lives, but it has done wonders for me in genuinely seeing what the world of anime/manga fans was like outside of the usual fare. I know I'm not the only one.

So I want to say that if the super-mainstream anime and manga series aren't your thing, it's okay. There will always be something that will catch your eye and maybe change your perspective for the better. And maybe it will find you a community that you love being around and help you grow.

To quote one of the Initial D opening songs sung by the group, m.o.v.e, let's move into the brand new world and let's dive into the brand new trip.

For more perspective on Initial D's impact on its fans and car culture, this post from a car enthusiast is worth a read.

#Initial D #manga #anime #street racing #mental health #fandom #community #Asian culture #Youtube

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To Strip the Flesh - A Powerful Story About Identity

"I don't want to die having given up. I don't want to drown in a puddle. I don't want to die looking like this. I want to die as a man."

I got a chance to finally read Oto Toda's acclaimed short story "To Strip the Flesh" on Transgender Visibility Day and it's a wonderful story not about gender identity, but trying to find your path with the help of compassionate understanding.

The story is about Chiaki Ogawa, an transgender individual born female who identifies themselves as male. Chiaki is currently a Youtuber whose main focus is butchering wild animals that his father hunts and does livestreams of the butchering for a living. Chiaki lives with their father and is happy with his job. However, his dad has colon cancer and wants Chiaki to get married as a normal female would as Chiaki's dead mother wanted it to be their final wish. Chiaki has always felt conflicted about his gender identity after learning about GID (gender identity disorder) during 6th grade. This tension becomes even heavier when a young Chiaki, trying to prove themselves in the wild, almost gets killed by his father in a forest when he was hunting a wild boar. The incident causes Chiaki to stop wanting to be a boy for the sake of his father as the latter blamed himself for his actions.

While I do think family is important and society has ruined the family dynamic, parents are often insecure and sometimes project their insecurities onto their children. We see Chiaki's father stick to gender norms about what a man does and a woman does. When Chiaki wanted to learn how to hunt, his father was adamant that only men hunt and never saw his child as what he wants to be. A parent, especially a single parent, wants to protect their child and not allow them to partake in activities that can cause them harm.

It also does not help that almost all parents do not understand anything to LGBTQ+ issues. And at the same time, a LGBTQ+ child has to be mindful that they may need the support/love of parents despite any discerning attitudes. Chiaki knew too well after his ordeal, but still walked away from his dad to find happiness once he had heard enough about marriage as a bride. And even if the parents do support them, the outside world isn't always kind.

Chiaki thankfully has one friend in the outside world, Takato. Takato helps film Chiaki's livestreams and tries to offer any kind of emotional support to Chiaki. He even takes the time to research GID when Chiaki decides to go to Thailand for gender surgery. Takato is worried about post-surgery side effects like despair and suicidal ideation. After Chiaki comes back from Thailand to begin his full transition to being a man, he recalls an experience back in middle school where Takato was there to help him. Chiaki was distraught over having a period and Takato gave him his pants to wear to avoid embarrassment in public.

The final part of the story is when Chiaki comes back to face his father, post-surgery. Chiaki was worried about see him cry again, but his father said he's not crying because Chiaki got what he wanted - surgery to become the man he always wanted to be. Chiaki's father wondered why he was obsessed with Chiaki being married as the path to happiness. He even goes on to say that children shouldn't focus on satisfying their parents. Chiaki is then granted a hunting rifle by his dad and the story ends with a confident Chiaki, who's become a full-time hunter like his father, in the wild and streamed on YouTube saying that he's in the market for a girlfriend before embarking on his next hunt.

When asked about the theme of To Strip the Flesh, Toda said in their own words "Don't succumb to your parents!" Try to find your own path. While your parents have good intentions at times, their words can often be a curse in disguise. I think about the role of family in the grand scheme of things. Often, family is about being there for your own family members and relatives. However, I sometimes wonder if we're forgetting that while direct family is important, it's also important to have a "family" of friends of sorts. That's what leads to stronger communities.

I feel that parents forget this because they are forced to make "schedules" and do "life hacks" that don't involve making time in getting to know their children. Active listening isn't on the agenda since it's not what modern life demands. It's also very difficult to do.

I also think a lot of mental health problems do come from parents who want their children to be outlets for their problems and/or be totally like them to prevent uncertainty. Adverse childhood experiences can involve family a great deal.

I'm glad that Chiaki has some great support in his father and Takato. Those two made a good amount of effort to try and understand where Chiaki was coming from. You don't have to be perfect, but at least try to be there for someone if they're a priority in your life.

It's okay to strip the flesh of our minds because addressing our own insecurities allows us to come to terms with who we are and what we want to be. I had to do this many times over the years. The flesh figuratively and literally does protect, but sometimes we need to rip it open to see what our hearts are desperately telling us. Deep down, we're all unique human beings that might be considered weird at times and that's okay. We're all trying our best to live our lives and we should be accepted for that. And as Toda's story highlights, I hope that we can realize this together.

#To Strip the Flesh #transgender visibility #manga #Oto Toda #mental health #gender identity #parenting #family #identity #self-discovery

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We Would Not Be Here Without Akira Toriyama

I am sad and emotionally wrecked right now. We lost a legend that changed everything.

Akira Toriyama, who's famous for Dragon Ball and working on other properties like Dragon Quest, passed away at the age of 68 this March. It sucks because we're celebrating 40 years of Dragon Ball.

Dragon Ball Z was my gateway into anime fandom when I was a 5th grader literally 30+ years ago. Way before Toonami, I watched a Cantonese-dubbed episode of DBZ at a friend's place and became slowly hooked ever since then. Chinatown in New York City at the time was filled with Dragon Ball Z merchandise. Posters, toys, wall scrolls, video games, trading cards, etc. You name it, it was there. DBZ fandom wasn't as mainstream back in the early-to-mid '90s as it is now, but there was something. Especially for me.

I also remember my first time using the internet at a public library in 1999 and one of the first sites I visited was a GeoCities fan site about DBZ. That's how I found out about the original manga. My first manga purchase was Dragon Ball Z Volume 1 by VIZ Media in 2003 and it was a big-sized volume that was priced at $14.95 at the time.

Dragon Ball Z also got me closer to one of my younger cousins during the Toonami years and we formed a bond over anime since that time. I would play make-shift DBZ scenarios with him when he was little. I had Dragon Ball Z figures at the time. When I think about those days, I realize that it's those moments that count especially when kids are dealing with so much competitive stressors that don't encourage play.

I know everyone has their favorite Dragon Ball characters, but my favorite character ever is Vegeta. I wrote a whole bunch of articles about him through the years. One of my top posts ever was about growing up with Vegeta. And that was written 13 years ago.

At the time, I felt similar to Vegeta. I have this very lone wolf-ish disposition despite appearing friendly to a lot of people. I'll admit that I have softened a lot over the years. I don't have as much pride as Vegeta does as of late. But the thing about Vegeta lately is that he's a much different character than in the past. If you follow the Dragon Ball Super manga, you know what I'm talking about.

And then I realize I've grown up alongside Vegeta for 3 decades. It's surreal. Part of me feels like I haven't changed all that much like he has, but I have grown up in ways that I wouldn't have expected.

Which leads me to this - if it weren't for Dragon Ball Z, I wouldn't have gotten into anime. I wouldn't have gotten to explore other series beyond it. I wouldn't have gotten into manga. I wouldn't have met friends in fandom in my '20s. I wouldn't have fallen deep into the JRPG abyss. I wouldn't have gotten into Yakuza/Like a Dragon afterwards. I wouldn't have gotten into Japanese mahjong as a result of that. Dragon Ball Z started a chain effect that's still sending ripples to me to this day.

Akira Toriyama provided a introduction for me and everyone looking for something different into the world of Japanese pop culture. He is Cool Japan to me. Toriyama got so many people to see how wild, imaginative, fun, and inspiring Japanese pop culture media was. It's arguable that Toriyama had a much bigger impact on overseas fandom than Osamu Tezuka.

A lot of people involved in anime and manga would not be here if not for Toriyama. I want us to acknowledge that. I know I have. He was a game-changer or should I say, a world-changer for everything related to the perception of anime and manga globally.

Rest in peace and power, Toriyama-sensei! You will never, ever be forgotten!

#Akira Toriyama #Dragon Ball #manga #anime #pop culture #RIP #fandom #anime culture

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Berserk's Continued Popularity and Trauma

I often keep up with what's selling in the manga world, so it's not a surprise that I check out ICv2's Manga Week when the site posts up interviews and insights about the industry. What caught my eye this time was Kentaro Miura's Berserk still being a top-seller and a top manga franchise in the English-speaking side of the world.

How popular is Berserk right now? It was the top manga franchise of Fall 2023 beating out everything that was either Shonen Jump, Junji Ito or Attack on Titan. The Deluxe Editions have sold well for all of 2023, especially the first edition (which contains Volumes 1-3 of the series). It helps that Dark Horse Comics, the North American publisher for the manga, has been promoting the Berserk Deluxe Editions non-stop. Even when they didn't announce anything new at Anime NYC last year, Dark Horse made a huge note about the latest Berserk Deluxe Edition that would come out.

I think it's great that Berserk is getting a lot more attention (especially after Kentaro Miura died) because this is a story about trauma and how we still carry the wounds of it at times.

In my opinion, Berserk is a story about people trying to overcome their own trauma - one caused by interpersonal relations. Ultimately, it's about three people in particular. Guts, the main hero who falls into despair after his experiences in the Golden Age Arc and has to deal with the curse of constantly being hunted by monsters beyond his imagination. Griffith, the antagonist who once had admirable dreams, but fully gives into darkness after going through painful torture and is the main source of Guts' trauma. And Casca, the strong heroine who becomes a victim of Griffith's desires and mentally shattered as a result until recent events in the manga. The connection between all three characters says it all - sometimes, the trauma caused is not from strangers who are "dangerous," but those closest and dearest to us.

Berserk is so relatable because we carry on the weight of whatever personal trauma we experienced without realizing its hold on us until it becomes apparent. The worse thing is we often have a very hard time talking about it.

Around 2021, I heard about a certain book about trauma that took during the COVID pandemic. It was Bessel van der Kolk's The Body Keeps the Score. Originally published in 2014, the book blew up for good reason because COVID forced everyone to confront issues kept hidden for a long time. Van der Kolk talks about how horrible people can be to one another and that psychiatry seems to ignore the complexity of trauma when it comes to helping its victims.

Because of the nuance and how long it takes to heal, maybe that's why we can't talk about trauma easily.

Which is why I want to get to this point - I sometimes find it hard to talk about Berserk because of the sexual violence and horror aspects. Yes, fans love to call it the GOAT and/or recommending the manga to other manga/Western comics fans. But I will say I can't exactly recommend Berserk to anyone who's experienced trauma, especially sexual trauma. If they haven't come to terms and/or processed their pain, why would any manga fan shove Berserk in their face? I know there's heavy debate about microagressions and triggers, but just because it's critically-acclaimed doesn't mean it's for everyone.

I will say that the sexual violence in Berserk is used in a way to highlight the brutality of the real world at times. It serves its purpose in the story. Maybe I feel that Berserk is about acknowledging the dark side of life. The world is full of absolute cruelty. And maybe more importantly, you never fully move on. That's the key point. Moments that hurt will stick by you for a long time. People love to shame others for not being able to move on and/or cheer up. They don't know how trauma forces its victims to stay still out of a realistic yet unhelpful fear of certain kinds of people.

But you can still move forward. I'm admired by Guts fighting in the face of despair. He embodies the belief that you probably can never move on from whatever emotional pain you experience and that's okay. At least take the steps to make your own life worth living. It's the best you can do for yourself.

And a good start to moving forward is accepting the bad thoughts. I recently read how positive thinking is pushed so hard to promote better mental health. Some positivity is fine, but there's so much pain in this world that all the wellness industry strategies in the world will never make go away. It is a huge problem when we're told to grit and grind while suppressing our inner-most vulnerabilities.

A lot of people can't handle that kind of vulnerability. Maybe that's why I'm happy that Berserk is being discovered by new fans. Guts is a strong yet so very vulnerable hero. I think it's those vulnerabilities due to his trauma that allow him to gain some very good friends (Puck, Farnese, Serpico, Isidro, and Schierke) along the way who genuinely care about him.

We all want someone to acknowledge our pain and be willing to sit with and stick by us through the neck of it all.

I remember a friend who once told me that when they went to see someone perform, all of their grief and vulnerability was so apparent that they wished that they didn't need to air it out since a lot of people can't handle it. I told them I can handle it and they said that I was built different.

Much like the popularity of Berserk these days and what I hope the series encourages, I want my difference of being able to sit with trauma to be the norm.

#Berserk #manga #anime #mental health #trauma #trauma recovery #Kentaro Miura #Guts #Casca #Griffith

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14 Years Running

Today marks my 14th year writing this blog. One more year before the big 15.

I do want to say that I'll be taking my time to write more stuff and slow down a bit more. I used to think quite a bit about virality, but I feel that I don't care much about that anymore. I want to focus on writing the best posts I can. Even the best people I know who blog don't update consistently. I used to follow the "2 updates a week for your blog" advice back when blogging was all the rage, but I sometimes have felt that I was posting for the sake of posting.

Plus lately, I'm starting to feel my age and am trying to begrudgingly accept that. I also came down with COVID for the 1st time this past month and figuring out how to move forward because it wasn't a fun time.

There's stuff I want to do for this blog, so I'm not going away anytime soon. It's a nice break from mahjong since I still feel like I have unfinished business over here.

Anywho, thank you to everyone who still reads what I have to say. I do want to keep writing because reading manga is a lot of fun and I'm always learning about the world around me and tying it to manga.

Let's make it to year 15!

#blog anniversary #blogging #manga #mental health

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Meguru Bachira (Blue Lock) - Accepting the Monster

"Tell me, monster. What should I do? What will it take for those two to acknowledge me?"

If there's one hidden truth that's apparent once it's open, it's that we all have dark sides. With happiness comes sadness, with joy comes anger. We can't have yin without yang. However, there's so many of us who can't accept that we sometimes have inner monsters. We carry trauma that builds up over time stemming from childhood experiences and begins to take a life of its own when unchecked.

I'm going to talk about a very notable character whose claim to living is their inner monster and that's Meguru Bachira from Muneyuki Kaneshiro and Yusuke Nomura's compelling hit soccer anime/manga series, Blue Lock.

To describe Blue Lock in a nutshell, it's about young Japanese soccer strikers (players whose specialty is goal-scoring) being chosen to compete in a very rigorous training program called Blue Lock for a chance to become a striker strong enough to help Japan take on and surpass the world's best soccer teams. Bachira is introduced during a initiation game of tag, where whoever has the soccer ball last in their possession once a specific amount of time expires is removed from the Blue Lock program. Bachira "tags" the series' main hero, Yoichi Isagi, who had a chance to "tag" a fallen player and drive them out. Instead, Isagi tags a more competent player after Bachira encourages him to "tag" a stronger player. Bachira and Isagi would then form a friendship after that moment, where the former explains to the latter that he has a monster instead of him and is looking for fellow monsters and potential ones in the making, one of which is Isagi. The two would form a team and they looked inseparable.

Instead, Bachira was taken from Isagi after a game in the Second Selection phase of the Blue Lock program due to a rule stating that winning teams in that round can take any one of the losing team's players. Isagi becomes determined to take Bachira back from the team that took him and also prove himself to that team's captain, Rin Itoshi. When the time came for Isagi and Bachira to "reunite" in a rematch between the two teams, we finally learn about Bachira's past.

Bachira grew up really loving soccer more than anything else. He loved it so much that it irked his fellow peers. Bachira became bullied for being a bit too weird about soccer. Bachira's mother tried to comfort saying that Bachira is following the "monster" inside his heart. That "monster" was imploring him to keep playing soccer since Bachira's mother had a creative "monster" that drove her work. However, Bachira's "monster" starts to become problematic as coaches and other players noted how invisible they feel when they play with Bachira. Bachira notices that the people around him don't have monsters, but he still does and takes pride in it. However, the monster inside him starts to grow into extreme loneliness.

The first time I saw Bachira's past and the monster, it made me think about one thing - the Hearing Voices network. It's a mental health support network for people who hear voices in their head, see visions that are out of the norm, and/or have unusual experiences that can get extreme. Individuals facing their conditions are often treated with a lot of disdain and a lack of understanding. They have to deny and suppress their thoughts out of fear of being deemed crazy.

Bachira says that no one understands how he feels and what he sees. He was having a mental health crisis that went beyond depression and anxiety. Something that couldn't be easily fixed. It wasn't until he met Isagi that his perspective started to change. Isagi was Bachira's first real friend.

People talk about how some major mental health problems are caused by brain chemistry and bad genetics. But you know, sometimes, they are caused by a lack of attention when growing up as a child. What if relationships that were supposed to aid in your social development suddenly disappeared when you start to feel differently about things within good reason? What if the one thing you love was suddenly occupied by people who didn't want to be around you anymore?

Why wouldn't a "monster" start to appear in the face of terrible social context?

Bachira's monster was a response to his trauma and it becomes more apparent once the final Second Selection game was played. Bachira notices that Isagi and Rin are starting to eclipse him. He becomes hesitant over how to play during the match. Isagi and Rin's monsters were on a very different level because they were about surpassing their own limits first and foremost. Bachira also comes to a realization that because of Blue Lock, he doesn't need the monster anymore and not rely on other "monster" players (like Isagi) to justify himself playing soccer.

Bachira's words about not needing the monster anymore makes me think about how certain labels can be useful at first, but end up being harmful once they fulfilled their purpose. I don't know about any of you, but I felt this way when I was struggling with my "clinical depression" label. I carried it to a huge deal, but over the past few years and meeting new people that changed my outlook, I've been trying to shed that label slowly. I want to believe that I can still do great things and meet loving people even if my condition says otherwise.

I think about the people who receive mental health diagnoses and have been told that they're doomed. Next thing you know, their lives spiral out of control. What's worse is that the people who are supposed to help actually end up doing more harm than good. They get told that there's some things that are considered stable parts of life (i.e. hold a full-time job, have a romantic relationship, etc.) they can't do anymore. I think about the discrimination they face when it comes to not being "normal."

While some things are definitely affected for the worst, I do believe that people with mental health problems are more capable than they think. We can make good lives for ourselves with the support of others who believe the same. We can definitely take on the most basic things alone, but we definitely need people to treat us with compassionate understanding. Blue Lock may not be a mental health clubhouse, but I love how its unique combination of egoism and communal setting changed Bachira. I know there's definitely people like Bachira out there who want something that drives them to better themselves while bettering others.

And about the monsters inside of us, I think it's harmful to shame them. You better damn-well acknowledge them like Bachira did. They were doing the best they could to protect you. Though I think about something Bachira's mother said to Bachira when he was sad - believe in the monster in your heart. Sometimes, the monster in your mind is a lot worse than the monster in your heart. It can rationalize every thing that happens to you in a very binary fashion. The monster in your heart is your true/base desire and I believe Bachira finally awakens to that as he just wants to play soccer with joy no matter what anyone else says.

That's the kind of monster I want more people to embrace.

#Meguru Bachira #Blue Lock #childhood trauma #mental health #monster #dark side #manga #anime #Muneyuki Kaneshiro #Yoichi Isagi #Yusuke Nomura #sports manga

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Bad Circumstances Can Create Bad Outcomes

Many anime fans remember what happened in 2019 with regards to Kyoto Animation. An arson incident happened at their studio that took the lives of many people and wounded several others. The suspect who did it themselves was noted to have a history of mental health issues. A proper court resolution happened recently with the suspect accepting full responsibility for their actions and facing the death penalty.

Before the court sentence, an article I read in the Otaku USA newsletter highlighted the doctor who saved the suspect's life, who had some words to say about how do we stop horrible tragedies like mass murder from happening.

The doctor, Takahiro Ueda, was in charge of healing the arson suspect, Shinji Aoba's wounds. At first, he hesitated. But Ueda said that no one should die before facing justice. After some time, Ueda was able to talk to Aoba about what happened that day. Aoba would say that he was pushed into a corner. Then he would say something that fascinated Ueda. Aoba said the hospital treated him with a lot of kindness, more than anyone ever did in his personal life. Ueda realized that Aoba went through a lot of personal trauma which started with familial abuse and got worse from there.

Ueda said the following while lamenting that there needs to be more action on how to prevent people from going over the edge and end up hurting society as a whole. To quote from the Manichi Shimbun,

"His was a particular kind of upbringing, but he isn't the only one out there. We have to consider the possibility that this could happen even in the communities we live in."

I know this whole ordeal has made a lot of anime fans sad. It's a lot more complicated for me because of my own history with mental health issues. When violent incidents happen, lawmakers always point to poor mental health as the case. Some people in my past have teased that I would hurt someone when I express negative emotions in an aggressive manner. Most people with mental illness do not partake in violent crime. But in this particular one, I do feel that poor mental health combined with other factors has led to this tragedy.

Is this all Aoba's fault? He definitely has some blame and has to face responsibility for his actions. I just know that it's not all on him.

I say this out of a habit I have of telling people that I can do great harm to others when I'm pushed to despair. Back at Anime NYC last year, I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in a while and we talked about our lives. I told him that I was doing alright and even said that I could have been an incel-type if things weren't working out and didn't know how to process my emotions. I don't think I'm that good of a person.

I think of all the people I've met in my life and have shown some kindness towards me. I realize how lucky I am. I know some of you might be like "No way you would commit a crime! You seem like you're a really good guy." But I will gladly remind you that we can all turn out to be bad people when our life situations become very dire. Who doesn't want meaning and connection when we become isolated for no good reason? When we're starved of those two things, we can get pushed so badly by certain ideologies and manifestos towards a point of no return.

Aoba's words about hospital workers being kind to him do hold value. While he did something that's unforgivable, I want him to help others for the rest of his life (that should be his "punishment" if possible) while getting the help he really needs.

Ueda's words about preventing future tragedies also hold value. What can we do to be more proactive instead of being reactive? How do we even start with tackling on trauma that is almost always complicated and requires more than just a quick fix?

Kindness is a start for now, I guess. Be kind. Give people who are so cynical some measure of hope that there's still goodness in this world. When I say show kindness, it doesn't mean that you have to be a total doormat. Setting constructive boundaries with those in need is a sign of kindness because you want to be at your best (not your worst) to be kind and more importantly, you believe in the other's person ability to be better.

I still hope the families of the victims are able to find peace in their own way and I hope that the people in charge are able to create better circumstances that lead to everyone in life finding peace in general.

Note: As I was finishing this post, I found out about Hinako Ashihara and her death due to a possible suicide. I'm just devastated. The circumstances surrounding what happened are awful and my point still stands that even if circumstances do become bad, we can absolutely do better to make them not any worse for the sake of everyone affected by them.

#Kyoto Animation #mental health #community #isolation #kindness

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What We Could Do More of

I've been thinking about this panel from Volume 14 of Shikimori's Not Just a Cutie. There's a lot of people who have no one who will truly listen to them.

I don't have much else to say at the moment, but I hope you can be the same and be present towards those those you care about or someone who's dealing with a lot.

#Shikimori's Not Just a Cutie #manga #Miyako Shikimori #Ria Hayase #friendship #companionship #mental health #being present

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Kaiju No. 8 - The Beauty of a 32-Year Old Hero

When it comes to shonen manga, almost every protagonist is either a teenager or at most, a 20-something year old. However, in one shonen series, someone in their ‘30s is the main star. That manga is Naoya Matsumoto’s Kaiju No. 8 and its hero is a 32-year old man still trying to make his dreams come true.

Kafka Hibino, the protagonist, was once someone who aspired to be a member of the Defense Force to fight against kaiju. He has a childhood friend, Mina Ashiro, who had the same dream. Mina would achieve her dream by becoming a high-ranking Defense Force officer, while Kafka ended up becoming a kaiju disposal worker. One day at his job, Kafka meets a young, aspiring Defense Force member named Leno Ichikawa. The two formed a quick bond despite their age gap. Leno then tells Kafka that the age limit to be a Defense Force soldier was increased to 33. Kafka thought about chasing the dream again, but then he and Leno were attacked by a monster. Kafka saves Leno, but the monster somehow ends up inside Kafka’s body. Kafka suddenly gains the ability to become a very powerful kaiju as a result and decides to join the Defense Force with his newfound powers and catch up to Mina despite being the “enemy.”

It’s pretty cool to see this because there’s not enough middle-aged main heroes in shonen series worth highlighting. This is true in most Japanese media. Either they’re young or old. There’s no in-between. However, I will note that almost every shonen series is about chasing your dreams. Kafka is the same.

You can arguably say the important message from Kaiju No. 8 is that you’re never too old to still chase your dreams. Better late than never, right? I think of the people who have a lot of goals and dreams, only for them to stop chasing them or just be crushed by the weight of them. And then I remember something someone once said to me, “Sometimes, they were never given the opportunity to dream again or be able to chase it.” In Kafka’s case, meeting Leno and getting kaiju powers were those opportunities.

We’re all so bombarded with often mundane responsibilities that seek to limit our dream-seeking and our potential to help one another during times of great stress. We’re not built to be cogs for a world that won’t always think the best for us.

What shined for me with regards to Kaiju No. 8 is Kafka’s enthusiasm and the vulnerability that comes as a result of it. Because he is so ambitious about protecting people, Kafka has insecurities about what to do if he can’t protect anyone. There was a moment in the story where his kaiju powers were getting the best of him. While fighting a powerful kaiju, Kafka starts to become afraid of transforming out of fear of going berserk on his Defense Force comrades and hurting innocent people. One of Kafka’s fellow comrades, Kikoru Shinomiya, snaps him out of it by telling him not to think so little of those who are strong enough to handle themselves. Learn to trust others who can protect themselves.

I think the older we get, the more we tend to dislike a lot of people. It’s different in Kafka’s case, but I really like that this is a middle-aged character with a bunch of enthusiasm about helping people in need. I think Kafka is a timely character because we have a lot of anime/manga fans aging into their ‘30s and some still have that shonen mindset of wanting to make things happen.

While not giving up is always aspiring, the environment we’re placed in can sometimes make someone want to do so. That’s why I believe it’s important that institutions provide resources and opportunities to make middle-aged adults still feel like they matter. 4 years of college in your 20s’ should not be the end of learning and growing. I say this because ageism is still a huge problem in the world. There’s definitely cool people like Kafka out there, but sometimes, they just need a chance by others to prove themselves when they can’t find it themselves.

What’s interesting to me is that Kaiju No. 8 came off the heels of another property featuring a middle-aged hero in a genre that normally has young protagonists, Yakuza: Like a Dragon. The game starred a 40-year old former yakuza, Kasuga Ichiban, who falls out of luck with his triad family in Tokyo and tries to rebuild his life in Yokohama. It’s also a turn-based Japanese RPG, where middle-aged characters tend to be in the supporting roles. A lot of people (especially older adults) found this game refreshing because it’s about a group of middle-aged adults taking the stage to fight against a huge political conspiracy. The game’s sequel, Like a Dragon: Infinite Wealth, continues this trend of older JRPG protagonists that are relatable to middle-aged adults.

Much like what the Like a Dragon games did for me, Kaiju No. 8 and Kafka show that adults can still do some great things despite some limitations. Sure, the other characters in the manga are great, but Kafka being the chosen hero at the age of 32 who can save everyone is what some readers and I are looking for. Naoya Matsumoto gave a great message about the manga’s appeal in that it’s for people dealing with the complexes of reality who are trying to create a future worth having. It’s not just about chasing dreams; it’s more about having some kind of realistic optimism for life and the people who are doing their best.

No matter what age we’re at, we should be given a chance to decide what we want to better ourselves and the world.

#Kaiju No.8 #manga #shonen #older protagonists #Kafka Hibino #adulthood #adult heroes #middle-aged heroes #Naoya Matsumoto

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Get That Bit of Chunibyo Inside You

"We must have a bit of 'chūnibyō' inside us. The fact is we like manga because of the moral within that could touch us emotionally, and we have to behave as we are taught from these media." -Chloe Lisa Kung, Organizer of Rainbow Gala 30, Source: Rainbow Gala 30 and the End of an Era: Hong Kong's Biggest Doujinshi Convention Set to Shutter

I stumbled across an Anime News Network article about a Hong Kong doujinshi event, Rainbow Gala, possibly not existing anymore after a long run in a convention center set to be demolished in the near future.

The organizer, Chloe Lisa Kung, was asked about the future and what led to the impending doom of her event. She spoke about how Hong Kong youth aren't allowed to thrive or chase creative pursuits. Kung lamented on how there's no breeding grounds for young artists to shine or inspiration for art in Hong Kong compared to almost 30 years ago when she started to draw at the age of 12 after seeing doujinshi art.

It does make me think about Hong Kong's anime culture today. I remember visiting Mong Kok Shopping Center back in 2009 and it felt like going to Akihabara in some ways. Every floor was filled with anime, manga, video games, artbooks, toys, etc. When I hear about Hong Kong now, I hear that it's "dead." And reading what Kung said now makes me hesitant to go back there in some way. I do feel that Hong Kong is a bit too commercialized at times. I never liked Canto-pop much and listened to counter-cultural Cantonese music. While anime has always been popular in Asia, it does feel like there's a very genuine communal vibe in that part of the world when it comes to anime/manga fandom and outside forces are slowly stripping that away as everyone wants to jump in on the fan convention train.

There's something that Kung says about the future of Rainbow Gala that makes me think about fans in general and the growing appeal of anime to doujin artists.

"Indeed, there are more consumers now than ever, but the most important lead still lies in the people inside drawing."

I think about the kids who draw manga after watching an episode of anime. I think about the various drawings I've seen over the years of their favorite characters. Sure, some adults will find it "cute" and suggest that it's just a "phase." But to me, the magic starts to happen there.

There's so many consumers, but not enough people to create stuff that can touch lives. It's hard to be creative. Creativity is often devalued due to a general obsession over measurable outcomes.

Kung's words about learning from manga also make me think about how much manga has meant to me. While I did write that I needed mahjong to save me, manga is still what I care about the most. A lot of my mannerisms and attitudes still come from manga. I try to incorporate my manga reading experiences into how I behave. Sometimes, I make blunders, but I still try.

I think about how most fans aren't like me and countless others who use their love to talk about manga on the internet (shout-outs to the bloggers, YouTubers, and podcasters that promote manga in their way). What drove us to start talking about our love to manga to people who don't know us in person? What drove us to become more than just consumers? How do we cultivate that mindset? Those are questions that I'm still trying to get the answers for.

I can only speak for myself in that my own personal mental health experiences combined with the environment I grew up in made me want to blog in the first place. I continue to do so because of how much manga has grown in the past few years. I know it's not just a phase for some youth.

Until then, I'm proud to say that I still got a bit of 8th grade syndrome in me. I'm proud to say that stuff that's mostly read by teens still gets me pumped to seize the day. I'm proud to be a fan that wishes for future creators and their youthful enthusiasm to be treasured as much as the mainstream works that inspired them.

#quotes #manga #mental health #creativity #anime #doujin culture #fandom #fan conventions

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My Girlfriend's Child - The Loneliness of Teen Parents

I'll admit that this is my first real shojo manga read in a very long time. I will say that this is a great title to get back into the shojo game with.

Mamoru Aoi's My Girlfriend's Child is a stand-out manga due to its coverage of an issue that is often misunderstood and/or draws a lot of shame - teen pregnancy.

My Girlfriend's Child is about a high school couple named Kawakami Sachi and Tsukishima Takara. Sachi and Takara are just your regular 16-year olds doing teenage things and learning to navigate adolescence together. However, after one intimate night together, Sachi starts to feel early signs of being pregnant. She takes a pregnancy test and discovers that she is indeed pregnant with Takara's child. The manga covers the two's suddenly complicated journey in learning how to manage their new lives with one they conceived.

What I love about the manga is how it covers Sachi's loneliness once she knows that she's pregnant. She starts to despair over how she will be able to support her child. Sachi also wonders how her education prospects will turn out. She initially thought about having an abortion and felt a great deal of shame on how to tell Takara and her family about it. In the beginning of the story, Sachi was worried about a missing cat named Nora. She somewhat compares Nora's life and the baby's life in a way as she seems to place more value in a cat's life than her own child's.

When Sachi decides to visit a clinic to inquire about an abortion and goes through an ultrasound, she starts to have second thoughts. Sachi finds comfort in Takara, who tries his earnest to be there for her and re-assures her that he'll always be by her side.

After reading the 1st 3 volumes of this manga, I decided to look up research on the mental health of pregnant teenagers. There's not a whole bunch of research on psychosocial interventions to help improve the mental health of pregnant teens or teen parents. A lot of knowledge is missing to fill in gaps for an increasingly under-served group of people.

The manga highlights how support can be helpful while complicated at the same. Takara's mother is shown to lack compassion over Sachi's pregnancy. She blames Sachi to a huge degree for putting Takara into a tough situation. Sachi's mother is happy and is somewhat conflicted on how to best help her as she knows that Sachi has to take responsibility. Sachi's older brother, Kou, tries to be very rational about the pregnancy saying that it's impossible for teenagers to take care of a child.

All of these interpersonal problems start to freak Sachi out as she remarks that there's no future where everyone will be happy. The only guarantee is Takara. I will say that Takara is refreshing because when I hear about teen pregnancy stories, the father is usually out of the picture. But Takara is there every step of the way even when he's not the one who's pregnant. He sadly has to deal with his mother's stress over his relationship with Sachi and is actually kicked out of the house, which makes him remark on how much teens still have to rely on their parents despite craving independence as adolescents.

Girls face so much more mental adversity than boys do because they're "expected" to be married before having children. That's not to say that teen fathers who do care have it that much better. They face a stigma in that they should be "wild and free" while struggling to make ends meet much earlier than they would have liked. There's many socio-ecological factors in play that affect both genders. It does not help that sex education in first-world countries is extremely lacking. Institutions in general seem to treat teenage parents as aberrations that don't deserve support. Children born to teenagers can experience health risks due to teens not being well-versed in various life skills, but people love to blame the parents for that.

I do notice that the manga provides a fresher perspective in that the child of Sachi and Takara might turn out okay. There's a lot of real-life evidence that goes against that, but I think that's because teen parents aren't given positive messaging about their experiences. It's okay for teens to want to be parents if they want to. We don't honor that enough. Parenthood is indeed stressful, but those who welcome it are able to fare better when they are willing to build the strength to do so and have others to help encourage that strength.

My Girlfriend's Child is a very thoughtful series because teen pregnancy isn't really discussed enough and there's definitely a community out there willing to support expectant teen parents. I do feel that teenagers are smarter/better than people think at times and not many people respect that enough. Birth is a part of life that can happen to anyone and teens can make the right decisions for themselves if we let them and respect their ability to do so.

#My Girlfriend's Child #manga #Mamoru Aoi #mental health #teen pregnancy #loneliness #adolescence #teen parents

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Do You Revisit to Heal?

When it comes to a new year, everyone's talking about doing new things and resolutions to become better. But what if revisiting stuff can actually help you a lot more?

I was inspired by two posts I read - Japan Powered's The Value of (Re)watching and (Re)reading and Use Your Damn Skills' "Comfort TV and trauma recovery". The first post talked about how it's okay to look at past stories you were interested in back in the day. There may be times where you might cringe, but you might get a better appreciation of what that story meant for you at the time. The second post focused on how adults who grew up feeling neglected as kids turned to and rewatch comfort TV a lot to escape whatever trauma they were going through.

On the subject of rereading and rewatching, I've been thinking a lot about revisiting Gintama and Fullmetal Alchemist. Both are considered two of the top most popular manga ever by Japanese audiences. Both series have amazing characters and stories that resonate with readers. I remember a great deal of lines and moments from FMA and Gintama. Even back then, I re-watched and/or re-read those two series to a great degree. Nothing else mattered.

Compared to now, where there's so much manga released, I sometimes wonder because of the amount of manga out there, nothing seems to stick in my head as much. Although I love current hits like Chainsaw Man, there's nothing about them (yet) that brings out a sense of emotional catharsis that I feel compared to when I read something older like Fullmetal Alchemist. Or should I say, most manga haven't hit me as hard. I nowadays get that from video games.

But when I think about it, I'm a different person back then compared to now. While I think it's a good thing, you can lose something during the process.

I want to now address "comfort TV and trauma recovery." I've used anime and manga to "escape" depression. I've also used them as outlets to process feelings that I never told people at the time. I think the beauty of revisiting your favorite series is that everything is predictable when out in the real world, not everything sadly goes your way.

I sometimes wonder if I'm doing this with playing K-Pop songs over and over again. They take me back to a place where I know for certain that I'll be feeling great. Those songs take me back to my younger years when I wanted to be a DJ and blast music at parties with no drama. People piss me off and while I'm able to resolve interpersonal situations at times, I just feel mentally fatigued and sometimes scared over how some people behave. What if my emotional wounds led me to get sucked into fandom in the first place?

There's a lot of value to revisit things you liked back then. Every work has lessons to learn. Every story reminds us of how human we are. We need other people to share stories in order to feel that we matter in the grand scale of things. You also might learn something new when you revisit a story due to your own changes in perspective.

I'm always looking back into my memories as a hardcore fan when I was a teen to young adult. It's been fun. I realized how grateful I am to be able to experience those joys even when they weren't accepted as they are now. Maybe I didn't have as many friends to share those interests with at the time, but I know being involved in fan interests helped slowly shape the way I wanted to view life and act around people.

I hope it's the same for you guys. No one should shame you for revisiting older works. What's important is they help you feel alive and make certain parts of life worth revisiting years down the road.

#mental health #manga #fandom #revisiting works #emotional wounds #rereading #rewatching

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Sometimes, Mental Health Pros Suck - On ANN's Pulled Nagata Kabi Review

So I heard something controversial happened in the world of manga reviews. And it quite happens to revolve around a manga figure a lot of people know too well - Nagata Kabi.

Nagata's latest release in the U.S., My Pancreas Broke, But My Life Got Better, was reviewed by Anime News Network. While I normally find their reviews of manga to be fine, something about this one ticked off A LOT of people on social media. Then I heard it got pulled off the website a few days after it was published, but I later found it via Archive.org.

So I read what the review was like and there's a few points that came to my mind.

First, I can see why people were saying the reviewer, who is an actual mental health professional, was condescending towards Nagata's experiences. Throughout all of her works, Nagata always seems to be going through something. It can make someone think that she's not trying hard enough, especially if you're a professional whose job is to help people like Nagata.

Second, the reviewer expressed frustration over Nagata not getting better. Maybe some of the frustration is warranted, but the thing is the reviewer doesn't really know, know Nagata. They're only getting a glimpse of Nagata's personality through her works. While the works do provide a clear and often heavy picture of her life so far, I don't think they tell the whole story. I remember Nagata saying she struggles with how she portrays herself in her memoir manga compared to how she is in person. There's always multiple layers to a person.

Lastly, I know people are saying "How dare they call themselves a mental health pro if they are acting like an insensitive prick." My response to that is because psychiatry/psychology has become a conflict-riddled field where some professionals turn out to be pricks. They are taught a very Western way of thinking in that the individual has no one to blame but themselves for whatever mental health disorder they have. All of the solutions should be placed in the hands of the individual. A lot of mental health professionals aren't trained well enough to strongly consider factors (i.e. cultural/socioeconomic) outside of the individual that cause people to have mental distress.

While it does suck that Nagata seems to have something going on most of the time, I do want her to be okay. I don't want her to force herself to be happy for the sake of other people. I have a lot of compassion for Nagata. While the reviewer says that she should get the professional help she needs and considering the reviewer's earlier comments, I honestly don't know if it might be the best idea for Nagata.

A long while back, when I was in therapy, my social worker switched me to a different psychiatrist than the one I was seeing at the time. I was originally under a Chinese psychiatrist, but my social worker said the new one fitted my schedule more. So I said alright. The new psychiatrist was a really old white male in his '60s-'70s with glasses. When I saw them for the first time, one of the first questions he asked was "How is my sex life?" I was aghast and questioned why he asked that. Then he went on to say "Maybe you should get a girlfriend. It can help your depression." Over the next few sessions, that psychiatrist's line of questioning about my well-being became a bit too personal to my liking. I told him to stop asking those questions and he apologized. I later told my social worker that I don't want to see him anymore despite her saying that he's a funny guy.

Seeing that review made me think about that awful psychiatrist experience I had and I do not want Nagata to go through moments like that because there's a good amount of bad apples in the mental health industry.

I'm glad ANN took down that review because they're not mental health professionals. And people like that reviewer are one of the big reasons why I got rid of the Manga Therapy name. I don't think professionals have all the answers to life's problems.

Going forward, there was a good question asked on social media - how do you make mental illness relatable to those who don’t have it? That's hard because mental illness is always portrayed as "crazy", "sick", "mad", etc. While it's clear that extreme forms of mental illness can be problematic, I feel that depression and anxiety are normal signs that the world is messed up. You think that people in power want to admit that they're the ones causing a lot of mental health problems?

You know, I think all people living with mental illness want is to not just be relatable - they want compassion, that's it.

And in a way that doesn't come off as something that sounds too much like a professional/expert, but more from an actual human being that doesn't have to act like one.

#mental health #therapy #industry #manga #community #mental health industry #Nagata Kabi

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Manga I Enjoyed in 2023

It's been another great year for manga. And I don't think we wouldn't have it any other way, right?

I got to read a bunch of manga, old and new, this year. But these titles stood out to me the the most.

Honorable Mention: Kindergarten WARS by You Chiba - This was something I needed, post-Assassination Classroom. A school filled with rich kids protected by assassins who have nowhere to go fighting against assassins trying to kill the kids. Not only that, the main female lead is desperate for a boyfriend and will date anyone who looks hot. But if they have certain peeves, the bodies will hit the floor. This is a really funny series with fun characters and a lot of action. It also has one of the best gags of the year.

Favorite Ongoing Weekly Manga: Akane-banashi by Yuki Suenaga and Takamase Moue - Akane-banashi continues to impress me every week. I absolutely love how every chapter continues to be impactful. Akane is still a refreshing protagonist and I love how it feels that even though she can win rakugo competitions based on sheer determination, Akane knows that she has a lot to learn. This is a stand-out manga that is excellent for teenagers.

Here's my top 5 manga of the year!

5.) A Home Far Away and The Yakuza's Bias by Teki Yatsuda (tie) - Once I got into K-Pop, I had to check out The Yakuza's Bias. I enjoyed a lot of the humor and the gags are well-done. It's a title that really showcases what it means to take a deep dive into fandom when you're new at it in hilarious fashion. But Yatsuda's debut work about 2 boys on the run is one of the best things I've read all year. It's truly a heartbreaking LGBT romance that will touch a lot of emotions. Also, Yatsuda's art is absolutely gorgeous and I can't wait to see their new work being licensed in the future.

4.) ZOM 100: Bucket List of the Dead by Haro Aso and Kotaro Tanaka - The only zombie manga story I read was Kengo Hanazawa's I Am A Hero, but I gave this title a follow because people were telling me about it due to its messaging. ZOM 100 stands out as an upbeat zombie apocalypse story that speaks to the resilience of people in tough times. I think we all forget that we can do great things in times of adversity if we all get support. There's some great moments in this series worth talking about. I never felt bored reading it. I'm glad I gave this manga a chance because I really think depressed people need to be told that while it's okay to feel the way they feel, they can still try and people shouldn't shame them for it.

3.) Kowloon Generic Romance by Jun Mayuzuki - Hong Kong nostalgia at its finest, in my opinion. This is one of the most fascinating stories of 2023 with regards to finding your identity and reconciling your past with your present. I have this high up because I really like how the central love story is slowly tying into a bigger mystery on why the world in the manga seems very off. People struggle so much with their pasts and I feel that this manga resonates with those folks. Especially me as I find myself longing for past moments that I dearly miss despite having not-so-pleasant experiences I would like to forget.

2.) Chainsaw Man Part II by Tatsuki Fujimoto - I absolutely adore this series. Fujimoto pulls no stops in telling the story he wants to tell. I love the new female characters that have all shown up and the return of a very notable one. I like Denji's development as he really doesn't know what he wants despite being granted a frightening power that continues to be a target to those who want to use him. This is the story of a "hero" who doesn't have the resilience to be an actual hero. It's also a story about people having their emotional needs warped into desires in the worst way.

1.) The Summer Hikaru Died by Mokumokuren - I normally don't read horror manga, but this manga is phenomenal. There was so much hype about the manga being released here in the U.S. and it has delivered in all cylinders. The art is great. The usage of sound effects to convey a sense of dread is top-notch. The interpersonal dynamic between the two main characters is frighteningly realistic. This manga, at its core, about dealing with a relationship that should've ended, but didn't. As much as we talk about needing relationships with people to survive, they have to end sometimes. There's a lot of horror and dread over how to talk about a relationship ending and good god, the manga delivers on displaying that. I also love the subtle reminder that bad relationships have serious consequences for everyone else. In real life, we've seen how abuse and interpersonal trauma trickles down from the victim into other parts of life and other people. All of this makes The Summer Hikaru Died my top manga of 2023.

I hope you all enjoyed my top picks. There's been a lot of fun reads that I probably missed out on, so let me know what you guys enjoyed. 2024 is probably going to be another great year for manga and there's already titles I'm looking forward to.

See you all in 2024!

#top manga of 2023 #manga #reading #2023 list #year-end list #mental health #psychology

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A Home Far Away - A Timeless Story on How We Fail People

After reading The Yakuza's Bias, I decided check out Teki Yatsuda's debut work, A Home Far Away. I heard many good things about this work and I wanted to read more 1-volume manga stories, so why not.

I'm going to be discussing a bunch of heavy stuff, so here we go.

The story is about a 17-year old male teenager named Alan Saverio and a drifting young man in his '20s named Hayden Stewart. The year is 1990 and Alan is running away from his strict and religious parents. Hayden runs into him at his workplace and the two begin to connect. We learn that Alan has medical issues and his family considers him a "sin" due to their religious upbringing. Hayden tells Alan to not give up on himself, despite having his own issues. Hayden's mother was a victim of domestic abuse and would later die of an overdose when he was 18. After seeing Alan in a moment of pain and thinking about his own trauma, Hayden offers him the opportunity to run away with him. Alan accepts and the two would embark on a road trip that would change their lives forever.

There's really a lot to unpack and I think I'll start with how trauma attracts trauma. If you're in a lot of emotional pain, you might find solace with someone who's been through the same experiences. There's nothing wrong with that. The tricky thing is what happens if that relationship is nudging towards romance. Alan struggles with this as he falls in love with Hayden, but wishes that he was a woman to not feel like a sinner. It's devastating to hear.

While the two do get together, there's so much tension between Alan and Hayden for a while and you can't but wonder if they're just hurting each other more because they aren't able to face their own pasts and selves. There's many people out there who get into troubling relationships just to escape their own pain.

But what can you do when you've been hurt by people that were supposed to protect you? Alan tells Hayden that he was raped by a priest he trusted and wondered why God didn't save him. Hayden wondered why his mother could never stand up to the abuse. I think reading about their pasts hits too close to home.

While Alan and Hayden do eventually make sense of their pasts, the journey was filled with pain. Alan befriends a prostitute named Maria, who he finds an affinity with since it's the name of a religious figure. Maria is dealing with her own trauma as she lost her son who Alan reminds her of. The two form a bond due to their needs for familial love. Yet when Alan tries to move on from Maria after accepting himself, Maria goes berserk and actually tries to kill him. She dies after Hayden runs her over. It does not help that Hayden is already a wanted kidnapper of a minor by authorities.

The penultimate point of the story comes when Alan and Hayden travel to Mexico to see the sea. It turns out Alan's priest is still around and Alan confronts him. Alan finally opens up to his parents about his disappearance and his victimization, only to have his father chastise him for being a filthy sinner. Alan kills his abuser and finally realizes that his place is not with God, but with Hayden. Hayden feels that Alan is the only person that matters after everything they've been through together. While the police do catch up to them, the two decide to ride off into the sea together in a scene that's touching and so damn hard to see.

There's a moment in the story with a detective character whose perspective I enjoyed. He's one of the few characters who sympathizes with Alan and Hayden. The cop once tried to help Hayden years ago and saw how much adults have given up on him. He even tells another cop during the manhunt that even if they murdered someone (Maria), it's the adults that deserve so much blame for how Alan and Hayden turned out.

Alan and Hayden were both young men that society gave up on. And right now, aren't we facing a masculinity crisis? Don't young men feel lost? I do feel like we're failing young men so hard and having hard-line masculine beliefs doesn't help anymore. There's a lot of institutional neglect. I also think about the context of the story as this story took place in Texas. Nuclear families were slowly being de-emphasized in America. The absence of a supportive parental figure hurts men a lot. Both Alan and Hayden felt this immensely.

No one wants to acknowledge how institutional harm leads to terrible mental health outcomes. No one wants to say "It's not your fault." to someone going through stuff they have no control over. No one wants to admit the power societal factors have on the psyche. A Home Far Away pushes the hard truth that people involved with institutions will do whatever it takes to victim-blame someone if they are being challenged for things that hurt people. The victim-blaming then takes a life of its own and ends up hurting everyone involved.

The final scene let me feeling angry and sad. And yet, I know that Alan and Hayden didn't want to go back to reality. They found joy in each other and lived the best they could with no regrets. Sure, they probably died too young. But a lot of us live so long and face depression/anxiety most of the time by ourselves. We're told that having certain kinds of material pleasures will satisfy everything when they don't. Feeling connected with someone who wants to stay by your side no matter what and reciprocating it is what heals the heart. I will not romanticize what happens with Alan and Hayden, but I don't blame them for what they decided to do in the end.

I say that loss is often necessary to produce joy, but I wish losses shouldn't get so extreme (as is the case with this manga) to feel like you're truly alive. This isn't the suffering Olympics. But hey, some institutions just love make suffering a competition on who deserves help the most based on how much pain they can endure.

Even though A Home Far Away's story takes place in 1990, the themes and topics it covers are still relevant today. And sadly, I don't see it changing any time soon. I do know that at least, we can try to care for each other more and validate people's worst experiences better.

I can't recommend this manga enough not just for fans of tragic romances, but for people who want to see what trauma caused by society can do to anyone unlucky enough to be in its path.

#A Home Far Away #manga #boys' love #mental health #masculinity #youth #Teki Yatsuda #Hayden Stewart #Alan Saverio #lgbt+

[dropintomanga]

The Accidental Trauma of the Negators (Undead Unluck)

The past few years, the word trauma has been thrown around a lot. Everyone's going through something. While one can argue who is suffering more, there's one thing that's certain - we still don't know how to talk about trauma in a healthy manner that heals everyone involved.

And I see this in the case of the Negators in Yoshifumi Tozuka's Undead Unluck.

Undead Unluck starts off with a young girl named Fuuko Izumo wanting to kill herself after causing a lot of death around her. She curses how unlucky she is until a mysterious person named Andy shows up to save her. Andy is someone who is looking to die as he is living a virtually-immortal existence. He believes Fuuko is the key to dying and decides to drag her on an adventure that would end up joining an organization made up of people with unique powers like themselves called Negators.

The Negators are individuals that have abilities that negate certain rules placed by the God of their world and by beings known as Uma. These abilities usually start with an "Un-" prefix, so Undead and Unluck are on the list. How those abilities are activated can be random, but there's consequences. Once Negators awaken to their power, they end up causing tragedy to those they love and most of the time, they kill them.

I'll talk about 3 Negators in particular.

Fuuko Izumo (Unluck) - Due to her ability to generate extremely bad luck on those she loved the most, her parents were killed in an airplane crash when she was 8 and with them. Three years later, Fuuko kissed her grandfather and he ended up dying some time after

Tatiana (Untouchable) - Her Negator ability activated at the age of 5 and destroyed an entire town as anything near her would be incinerated, including her parents.

Chikara Shigeno (Unmove) - When his Negator ability activated, he accidentally caused his parents to not be able to move by looking directly at them in front a speeding truck. Hence their imminent deaths.

You can guess why I want to talk about those 3 in particular - because they accidentally killed their parents.

In mental health, there have been cases of people living with mental illness who killed their family members. While this may not be shocking to some, it's still harboring to hear and a risque subject to talk about. Years ago, while working the front desk at my local NAMI, I took a phone call from a woman who was looking to inquire about what to do regarding her brother, who killed their parents. She was in tears and I said I understood and transferred her over to the helpline.

I recently listened to two stories about people who accidentally took the lives of others. One story focused on a woman who ran over a homeless person near an expressway. While she was mourning the loss and processing what she did, everyone around her was like "Oh, that person was just an outcast to society. You don't need to mourn them." The woman didn't know how to take that. The second story was about a man who was struggling with alcohol addiction for years. Things came to a head when he killed a small group of family members while drunk driving. While the man is making amends through advocacy work against drunk driving, he can't help but wonder if he will truly be forgiven for what he did.

What's scary is when you accidentally kill someone, it's easy to let the trauma define your entire identity. Fuuko, Tatiana and Chikara were like this before meeting Andy. They were afraid that their powers couldn't help anyone. They felt that they couldn't redeem themselves no matter what. If the 3 of them can't get close to anyone anymore, then so be it.

Thankfully, all three have managed to find ways to cope and grow. Fuuko realizes how much her power can save lives and knows how much her parents loved her. The best thing Fuuko can do was live and protect those she cares about just like her parents once did. Tatiana felt the same after Fuuko befriends her without judgement of her past actions. Chikara admits that his parents want him to live first and foremost while being kind to those who need it.

I will not lie that society will always judge anything violent in a black or white manner. I just wish that those who know they did something devastating are treated with compassion by more than just people similar to them. In Undead Unluck, the Negators only get sympathy from fellow Negators. The God who "blesses" them only sees them as pawns to be played with.

It's okay if you can't forgive yourself as long as you don't fall into total despair. Try to make the world around you a better place. If you can't, then definitely make your inner world a better place. And definitely find a community that you can feel safe and at peace with. This is why I appreciate Undead Unluck and understand why it was made a big deal at Anime NYC in 2023. Community (and some professional help) goes a long way to heal the trauma.

And more importantly, try to honor the victims as best you can. Do good for their sake.

There's absolutely no good card for this at all, but shrinking yourself to the abyss and wanting to die like some Negators have felt is not a good answer to live up to any grave mistakes you made. Do the UN-believable and prove to the awful voice that unfairly blames you that you are so much more than what you did.

If you are or know someone who accidentally hurt or killed someone, the Hyacinth Fellowship is a place to find help and I totally recommend visiting their website at: https://hyacinthfellowship.org/

#Undead Unluck #manga #anime #Fuuko Izumo #Andy #Negators #trauma #trauma recovery #mental health #accidental killings #Chikara Shigeno #Tatiana